#this is a bit personal but fuckit

[same-picture-of-a-rock-every-day]

You're a fucking hero and I love you

12/10 for commitment to the bitment

The rocks first motto is "love yourself wholly because you are amazing and enough, and anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot"

the second one is "commit to the bit, forever"

#those are actually most of my personal philosphy lmao #that and #fuckit and chuck it #for when ur scared of doing somthing #can you tell my medication kicked in im being so effecint #rock ask #rock anon #not a rock #i have never not commited to the bit its actually how 90% of my relationships start

[maulfucker]

Doing something unspeakable (sketching a pointless fic idea) (I would die if anyone read it)

#hm i should make an original post tag #<- same tag as my spn blog. fuckit #not sure where the fic is going but I'm thinking maul retires with obi wan in tatooine #maul voice i am old and tired (he's 40) and you are the only person i still know in this universe (hide me from the empire) #i only have one bit of a scene written and it's kid luke giving ben some broken droids from his uncle and seeing maul for the first time #having a great time looking at droids in wookiepedia

[malaayna]

i saw a post a little while back, where someone was like "I finally watched Amélie, what the fuck was Justin on about??" and i think ive worked it out

the movie he was thinking of was Arrietty

as an older sibling, i can vouch for the fact that, if your younger sibling is obsessed with something, you get a lot of approximate knowledge on the subject.

its highly likely that Justin remembered the name was more than 2 syllables, started with an A, and ended with an 'ey' sound

so he thought "im going to get points in Older Brother by connecting this person's name with a movie Griffin liked"

and when he realised he'd misremembered the name, thought, 'fuckit, commit to the bit' and just went ham listing everything he remembered about Arrietty, and make out that this was the joke all along. hence the "i cook an egg with a spoon" and "im married to the mice king", (which in all honesty is about the only things i remember from that movie too)

this has probably already been busted, but its 3am and yeah

#mbmbam #justin mcelroy #amélie #arrietty

[variousqueerthings]

Im very curious what movie you disliked so much but you seem unwilling to say it on your frankenhooker post (and ignore this if you're uninterested in saying at all)

nah, i was just trying to not be a mood killer in the liveblog. but it was poor things. everything about that movie felt like the film equivalent of nails on a chalk-board, at once noisy and incoherent and stupidly on the nose but without anything deeper to say and expensive when your average b-movie managed the same thing using tape and a budget of rolled up fivers and favours from your mum's boyfriend who's alright at a bit of computer effects

and i get pretentious and a tad obsessive when i see claims of "you just don't get it, it's about this you see? she's taking control of her own story!" and im like. no no i get it. i just think it was shallow at best, offensive on multiple points, and also a wannabe camp attempt at shock value (do people watch genuinely shocking camp films anymore?) many things. so many things, several of which ive not seen anyone mention, but then i was trying not to over-obsess about a film that i disliked so intensely, so i didnt go too deep in my search (the lack of intersectionality in feminist masterpiece "if you're rich, you can follow your dreams and self-actualise and even slum it with the personality-less whores for a bit, and also take a brief moment to feel bad about poor people even if they may "rape and rob and kill you" (seriously what was that bit about?)" the ableism in emma stone's performance, the male gaze inherent in so many of the sex scenes, and perhaps subjectively but the dullness of the sex scenes, the het-focus with a single rushed "women stick together" bit of queer sex, although the other woman had no plotline of her own in this film and just randomly reappeared at the end for some cheap unearned catharsis, the way the storyline is structured like three different movies squashed together, and also the flatness of every dude in the story that still seemed to try to say that some of them were actually quite nice, because idk. they weren't foaming at the mouth villains or whatever, this one's a Nice Guy. and this one's a Eunuch. moving on. if emma stone isn't a born sexy yesterday, then she's doing an ableist caricature of a performance of "weird quirky girl who functions Differently." the joke is, it's both)

like. ive seen better explorations of frankenstein. ive seen better explorations of sex workers. ive seen better explorations of women gaining agency. ive seen better explorations of disabled women. ive seen better explorations of patriarchy, intersectional feminism, socialism (seriously, the way this movie approached politics seemed to be "if we insert a witty line here about being the means of our own production, that's the same as political analysis, right?")

many of those things ive seen specifically done better in 1990 b-movie horror frankenhooker, and as for the rest, i don't have to search all that hard either. put on a john waters film and you've got more going forya for a start.

just. was it good or did Whimsically Naive (but very sexy) emma stone with slightly thicker eyebrows just say blunt things and walk funny?

you didn't ask for any of this rant. you have no idea how many times ive written drafts for this movie and then discarded them. fuckit, i will be self-indulgent once (1 time)

#asks #exorcising this film from my veins #hi frien #major-majoranon

[boxingcleverrr]

Honestly I understand people my age who start publishing novels that are barely-shrouded fanfic more and more as I get older, specifically real-person-fic, cause like.

I have not developed any shame around writing fanfic, thank goodness. And I never wrote real-person-fic myself. HOWEVER I am still autistic and special interest-fixate now and then, ala Kat Dennings back in the day, and MAN.

When you're 15 and lose your goddamned MIND over a hot character/actor for a bit, you're just Tina Belcher. It's fine, people familiar with teenagers get that.

When you're 38, happily married, worried about finding affordable housing, need to bathe your dog, etc. you just kinda sigh and shake your head like "Well, I guess there's a daydream version of me who's just gonna have A Situation about how that person smirks for a few weeks. Where do I put this cheating whore version of me, who has no bills to pay?"

I now think it actually takes genitalia of steel to go, "....Fuckit, I'm publishing this crime."

#I am Linda Belcher with her emotional support raccoons #yes this post is about Lisa Frankenstein don't look at me #I know he's only like 7 years younger than me but KIDS I BABYSAT WATCHED THAT SHOW

[epersonae]

the cooking project - microwave mug brownie

ok, it's the most least recipe (well, no: formulas for various instant pot foods are the most least of all my recipe cards), but today was kind of a challenging day if I'm being honest, in a challenging week, and I made this for myself as a little treat and thought, eh fuckit this counts too for this project.

I found this via a search online at some point I think in the winter of 2018-19, in a Sad Time, or possibly early 2019 after I moved into the Yellow House? Definitely a time when I lived alone and wasn't baking. I tried several "microwave mug" whatever recipes and this is the one I liked the best.

Recipe text, transcribed

Microwave Mug Brownie

3 tbsp flour 3 tbsp brown sugar 3 tbsp cocoa 3 tbsp oil 3 tbsp water pinch salt 1/2 tsp vanilla 2 tsp chocolate chips

60 seconds in microwave

In which I am a Very Precise Person

I love this because most of the measures are 3 tablespoons; I always put in a "scant tablespoon" of chocolate chips instead of the 2 teaspoons because then I can just reuse the tablespoon measure and it's not that much difference.

Everything goes in order so I don't have to clean the tablespoon measure except for the chocolate chips. Also, stir the dry ingredients before adding the wet ingredients, it mixes better that way.

It's kind of ugly and a little heavy but I like it

(yes, that is an MIT mug. 1000 years ago, which is to say probably in 1999 or 2000, I got sent to MA for a work training, some fundraising database that my employer at the time was switching to. got to do a tiny bit of sightseeing, ended up in the MIT gift shop, bought this (for my ex, ironically, but it ended up in my things), a magnet, and a t-shirt. it is the perfect size and shape for the microwave brownie. I did not go back to MA until 2019.)

#food as play #today I went to the doctor in person for the first time since before the pandemic #which is to say for the first time since acquiring medical trauma #I was Very Stressed but it turned out really well #also: new doc for the first time in like a decade #she's great! #but I was wiped the fuck out #because that was a intense thing to do in the middle of trauma season #so: leftovers for dinner and microwave mug brownie as a treat

[sukea69]

Fuckit fancy hairstyles hcs

Mito: actually sick to death of fancy hairstyles. After her marriage to hashirama, she's kept her hair in utilitarian buns and braids, and uses decorations if she wants to pretty them up. No more hours trying to get her hair right, no more pads and hair pieces, she is DONE with hours and hours and multiple people trying to get her hair right. She likes when Hashirama puts living flowers in her hair.

Hashirama: his hair is so silky smooth it denies styling. Nevertheless, he tries, but he's also a bit of a rough and tumbe lad, and often times his carefully prepared styles fall out in the course of being himself. His hair is SO soft.

Tobirama: does not care that it's kind of dubious to cut your hair short, if he feels his own hair on his shoulders he is going to stab something, and no, he cannot "just grow it out". His hair is on the cusp of curly and kind of hard to style, but he puts the effort in to make it look good. Tobirama likes looking good.

Madara: he has. So much hair. And it's thick. Wavy/curly, incredibly stubborn, the best way to deal w it is have it long and braid it away. He very much likes it out, though, it makes him feel big and powerful. It also Looks big and powerful, which is cool. He can do cool fancy styles w it very easily but tends not to bc...why would he bother?

Izuna: low key jealous of how much fluffy hair Madara has. Izuna's is much thinner and silkier, shinier. Beautiful crow feather black. If he could leave it alone like a good boy and do the styles his elders suggest for him, he would be the perfect picture of Uchiha beauty. Unfortunately, izuna is a bit of a rebel when it comes to personal appearance and he likes to do surprising things w himself. He scandalised the elders when he cut the back of his hair short, but at least he didn't take ALL of it off. Later, when he did end up cutting most of his hair off (at 3am in the kitchen, as is proper ♥) his clan members were unsurprised.

#Founders #Hcs #Mito #Hashirama #Tobirama #Madara #Izuna

[stargazing-zani]

Fuckit, Texas Headcanons

(Source: I’m from there. Do you have to take my ideas any more seriously? No. As a matter of fact, please don’t.)

- Uhh he tall? I'm bad at estimating heights, let's put him at 6'5" and call it a day.

- He smells like gasoline and cattle.

- He did not attend college and does not ever plan to. That's not to say Texas is anti-univeristy (you can't be Best In The Nation if your colleges aren't top-notch) but he perfers to work with his hands, and trade schools are way better for that.

- Back in the late 1800's he worked as a cowhand and did the cattle drive all the way up to Kansas. And he loved it.

- He knows how to use a lariat, make a campfire meal, fix most tools, care for livestock, and "handle" native americans.

- Early on his cattle brand was a simple star. Cattle rustlers easily stole and rebranded his cows, so he changed that pretty quick.

- He misses those days a lot and gets emotional at the Fort Worth stockyards.

- During the Oil Boom starting in 1901, Texas became incredibly more powerful  physically and financially (and more of the asshole we know today). Although getting all that oil siphoned out felt a bit like donating more blood than a person could afford, he still boasted and bragged about it. He's gotta one-up California after that Gold Rush, after all.

- The back of his oversized Ford pickup is plastered with just about every Texan bumper sticker you could think of, including: Come and Take it Don't Tread on Me Remember the Alamo, Forget the White House Beaver Believer (from Buc-ee's) Don't Mess With Texas Pray to End Abortion Don't California my Texas and Keep Austin Weird And his liscence plate reads LONESTAR.

- Don't let the truck fool you, he still owns a horse. Her name's Bluebonnet ("Bonnie" for short). In fact, every horse he's owned was named Bluebonnet -- he kept replacing them as they died through the years. The OG Bonnie saw a lot more action than the current Bonnie, who is basically a pet at this point.

- He's a devout Christian, of course, but the specific denomination changes depending on what mood he's in. Any contradicions this causes doesn't bother him. He goes to church every Sunday, bible study every Wednesday, and prays every night. ("Our Father in Heaven, thank you for creating me to be the best. Please help Florida. Please serve justice to California. Forgive me for my transgressions, and thank you for brisket. Amen.")

- He's claustrophobic, but he doesn't know it. He just figures he's too big for anywhere outside of what he's used to. (This is based on the absolutely horrendous urban sprawl I've experienced -- dense cities are Not Very Texan.)

- When he goes to the beach, he wears swim trunks with his flag on them. And the cowboy hat and boots stay ON, thank you very much.

- He carries twin pistols and a large bowie knife with him everywhere he goes.

- Okay, I might as well talk about Austin. So unlike a couple of people, I don't think that Texas' other cities manifest as alternate personalities, mostly because they still all feel very Texan. Austin, however is Weird. He's Weird and different and exceptional enough that I like to think he's the only one who can break off from Texas yet share a body like that. The joke is that Austin and Texas are at odds despite being a part of each other, and I kinda like to stay true to that. 

-Texas is protective of him like a parent whose daughter is dating someone he doesn't approve of: harsh, suspicious of everything, overbearing, and ready to shoot any agressors.

-Texas' and Austin's emotions mix a little bit but basically whoever's fronting gets the say and the other one is fully concious but screaming and banging on a metaphorical glass wall.

-When Austin takes the hat off, he seems to shrink a few inches.

-Austin likes bright rainbow "hippie" colors, to Texas' disgust. He is not allowed input on fashion or interior design.

- However, they both like tailgaiting, dancing, and country music, so it's not all that bad.

- Maybe I should also mention the daddy issues? Uhhh honestly closest I can guess for the dad is Mexico (which is funny because Texas actively fought against him so the issues would be his own fault). Or maybe it's one of Texas' founding fathers like Sam Houston or Stephen F. Austin. But honestly, it could be a character called "Texas' Dad" for all I care. I just like that the issues exist. Austin wants to talk about it. Texas does not.

- He likes to remind everyone his territory once reached even farther, all the way into current-day Colorado, when people start taking Alaska's side.

- Despite his love of oil, cattle, and free-range capitalism, he is the biggest producer of wind energy in the country, which annoys California like you wouldn't believe. 

-Texas uses Spanish to trash talk the Gov to his face without him knowing. Although his pronunciation irks the other Spanish-speaking states, this usually grants him a few temporary allies during meetings.

- His pride makes it hard to find close friends (not that he minds) but he’s chill with Tennessee and Louisiana especially. 

- Texas doesn't believe in swearing ("hell" and "damn" and "ass" are ok) bc he thinks it's unchristian. He will not hesitate, however, to pull out a long-winded cowboy insult, you lily-livered, yellow-bellied, frog-faced, bull-headed, dung-smellin', cactus-sittin', donkey-ridin' son of a gun!

#you know that anti nostalgia feeling from seeing an old school you hated? #That was me writing this #you're welcome #welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #my stuff

[whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go]

you said you wanted asks about the au

fuckit i'm asking about dallon :D

YES DALLON

I could literally rant about him for pages but I'll try to keep this shorter

Dallon is probably in my top two favorite paranormal au characters, tied with Ryan Ross. His job in the agency is, like, the guy who talks to people. You wanna schedule a consultation? Talk to Dallon.

His favorite supernatural occurrences to deal with are the ghosts - specifically the ones that will tell you their life's story - and the vampires, though he does frequently help with werewolves too. (Most werewolf cases are pretty safe, usually they're called in when someone has just been bitten and is freaking out, the agency helps them find a pack and learn how to control their lycanthropy)

I kinda projected my personality on Dallon and Ryan way to much here.

He wears a lot of sweaters and doodles flowers all over everything. As mentioned in the facts thing I did earlier, everyone in the garage tries to steal his clothes, only Ryan can get away with it. He's a bit of a history nerd and collects records. An absolute sweetheart.

The interns - Awsten, Otto, and Geoff - pretty much treat Dallon like their mom.

Dallon's storyline in the first part centers around him and Ryan being assigned to a case together. The case is to obtain a book from where it's being held by a gang of "monster hunters" only these are the ones who kill the supernatural beings.

He's my favorite and therefore he must suffer. Because.

I wish I could tell you more, but I can't spoil the whole plot.

Also Dallon and Ryan end up dating because fuck ryden and brallon thankyoubye.

#the paranormal au

[unhingedselfships]

Finally making a post on the gods/monsters/myths AU ideas. Some of them. I'll forget things prolly lol

So for those who know it, the general concept fits (ish) in Ayakashi Romance Reborn world building. For those who don't, short version, monsters/myths/etc exist passably as and among humans. They have a "human" form and their "monster" form. Pretty basic premise but there ya go.

My thoughts from these are pulled from a few different places, headcanon, character personality/background, their tattoos.

Kiryu Kazuma, the easy one, he's a dragon. A lot of people associate Kir with fire, and fair, but with the dragon, I go for water. River/water/etc. His dragon specifically is a rain deity.

Daigo took me a bit to settle before I gave up and was like "fuckit yer' a god now". Or rather, he's an avatar of a god. Sort of. Specifically as per his tattoo, Fudo Myo-oh/Acala. Fudo Myo-oh carries a sword (Kurikara) and rope for subjugating and restraining demons. So I HC him as something of an enforcer of sorts. Keeping the supernatural part of society in line.

Majima was one I flip-flopped on. So I'm keeping both ideas. I tend to lean towards Inugami by default. However naga also suits. With the naga I feel it fits base Majima wonderfully, ties to his tattoo, etc. Inugami however, fit his past, the year of torture he endured. There are aspects of both dogs and snakes that fit him well.

Akiyama doesn't have a tattoo. But I still had some ideas for him. Phoenix (ho-o) fits with his history of rising from the "ashes". He's hit the bottom more than once and always returns. Buuuut. I really liked the idea of him being a "crossroads demon" peddling deals. Perhaps less malevolent than they tend to be depicted, but the same basic idea. Alas, I could not find anything similar in Japanese mythology so.

#Yakkimi #AyakashiAU #idk if any of this makes sense to anyone else XD #ngl I was actually super insecure to share these #I have to constantly remind myself #it doesn't really matter what other people think #or if the agree/disagree #this is for me #not to say I don't wanna discuss #I would love to see other people's thoughts and ideas #and their reasons for them #but if anyone popped in like #“you're stupid and wrong” well #I have to remember that they can be ignored and aren't worth the energy it would take to be upset

[grandparomeaskblog]

// ohmygods im just so fried. Kid was sick a few days and i was already overburdened with chores. I havent been able to do work for my career for months while i plan in one hour dayly. I just cant. Monday i said to myself fuckit im just gonna take 3 hours to draw fanart cause im starving to do something for myself. I literally just finished the thing and my kid walks in. Had puked all over the bed. And ofcourse i drop everything again and clean up and stay with the child all night for comfort (not sleeping myself again ofcourse) ofcourse i do. But it pains me I have to cancell the nice things i promised myself again after i fucking drained myself giving myself 100% and a little more. Every single bit of free time is just: do i take a nap so i can work harder tomorrow? Do I watch half a movie or draw to make me happy? Do I shower and floss? Or do I work half an hourbfor my profession to hopefully someday make my own business and break this circle of being completely dependant and hating myself while I have so much potential if i just got a fair chance? Im spending too much time staring at a wall because im utterly fried and my bf is close to a burnout himself so im on my own. It's like we are fighting for every 5 minutes off and even when you get a break you have to chose between: invest in a happy future / sleep / bare essential selfcare... how dare you do something fun? Thats not on the list anymore we are in a warzone trying to survive here. AHHHHHHH... people are angry because they missed one year of fun during lockdowns. boohoo. You fucking shitting me? Try seven years missing out. Im gonna PUNCH the next person who asks "why dont you just take a break?"

[kalicofox]

I don't currently have a prompt brain but I can ask questions? Personally I'd like 3 and 4 for Footsteps in Amber. (From that ask game a few days ago.)

Oh. Oh jeeze.

Um

Right.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

That one's a bit tricky, because I haven't technically written it yet. I mean, I have, but I haven't. It's written, but it hasn't been put into context and reworked to fit that context best yet. Still, I can share the rough version?

It didn’t take him long to reach his destination, and Tzedef sighed as he looked around at the plain stone markers. When he’d been discharged he’d been warned that further experimentation in this field would see him… ‘taken care of’, but that was on a different continent, and this was now. In a village full of farmers, against decently armed bandits. Sure, the villagers were likely to win, but there would be casualties and Tzedef was done seeing those around him die for no reason. Not when he could do something about it.

So he settled. Widened his stance slightly, closed his eyes, and reached.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

This one is a tossup. There's one line that I wrote at the very beginning that I love, and then there's another that, again, hasn't been written yet. Fuckit, you get both.

“Feckin’ try it! I’ll send ya home with yer sausage in yer own backdoor!”

and

"What kind of cleric can't summon food and drink!?" "The kind who doesn't worship a harvest goddess! The kind who worships a goddess of the crossroads and the grave! Now, I can certainly try to summon food and drink, but I can almost guarantee you that it will be inedible at best and actively poisonous at worst!"

#ask game #Footsteps in Amber #my writing #Tzedef #Casey

[longeyelashedtragedy]

all or nothing episode 3: stream of consciousness comments

-fuckit i have work tomorrow but i’m watching anyway...capitalism won’t keep me from the boys

-”we have to be COMPACT AND FUCKING AGGRESSIVE FROM THE BEGINNING” jeessufdhjgahdgagda;ldg mikel you need to STOP

-(mikel and granit are SO FUCKING PERFECT TOGETHER i????? i’m thinking of the interview granit did with sky sports where he’s like i’m literally not going to change my playing style, mikel must have absolutely nutted on the spot)

-i love Sports Boys and Masculinity i wanna be in their dressing room broing out so bad fffffffffff

-gender goals: happy arsenal dressing room

-mikel arteta junk in the trunk queen of north london

-okay but sad aaron post-villa is quite literally bringing tears to my eyes

-”it’s a fucking joy”

-GRANIT’S CAR OAMDFKA;JDGK;FJ;AKDG “What is this shit car?” “Brother, the best car ever” oh my god only granit could roll up in this car 

-mikel looking like a model in his conference room

-uhhh his eye color? Radiant whatever it is

-he talked to aaron’s dad on the phone!!!! o m fg my heart,,,,,

-nuno going to ikea with his mom,,,,,,stoooooppppp

-nuno is stupid beautiful it hurts a little

-ugh the leicester win SO EXCITING

-side note i always love when in the away stadiums the away dressing room just has like, some shitty folding chairs 

-kt, ben, and cedric sitting around trying to eat and mikel comes up to talk to them about memorizing phone numbers hgjksgjsgj

-it’s been like 81904914 min and we finally have edu pronouncing mikel correctly lmao

-these 2 sitting around talking about mikel’s development while he’s right there in the room...this is the biggest jewish mom vibes i’ve ever seen lmao

-holy shit kt getting real about mental health.....oh my heart wow

-”i don’t speak often man so when i speak it’s from the heart” kt ahhhh

-oh it’s the portunhol

-cut from mikel in his black turtleneck to mo, alright alright alright alright

-”don’t leave anything in that fucking pitch bc it’s a regret...i let the team down and i let myself down....and i dont want you to go through that.  so go out there and play with fucking courage and be ourselves today on that pitch. do me please only that favor.  yeah?”

-THE KLOPP FIGHT...IT’S COMING 🍿

-how are people supposed to focus when mikel’s 🍑 is fully like that 

-the way that beating liverpool is such a personal tragedy for mikel

-i don’t ever want to see mr benjamin white look that sad and defeated ever again

-NOOOO they’re all so deflated nOOOOO

-i miss granit :(

-”don’t worry about it guys because i will defend you. if anything, it’s my mistake, i will take responsibility.” 😭💔

-pep telling mikel this job is the “loneliest profession”

-“i don’t regret one bit the decisions that i make” serving really big cfk “No me arrepiento de nada de lo que hice” vibes

-”i know the fans like kt, i can feel that.  but i wil try to fight for my position, it’s not me against kieran it’s about the position” ohhh nuno 💔💔

-holy shit wait this was the game where granit unexpectedly came back...so wait his injury wasn’t even mentioned? at all? wtf?

-ohhhh shit mikel’s yelling in the dressing room!!!!! 🍿🍿🍿🍿 “you’re fucking lucky!  LU CKY!”

-granit casually fixing his socks while his bf yells

-fuck you richarlison!!

-oh shit this is when aaron comes in like “fucking embarrassing”

- “the reaction here is too late” *walks out* OMG ICE FUCKING COLD AJDKGAJDGKALJDGA;GAKGFD;LJ

-next episode: auba drama, mikel with covid cursing enthusiastically on video chat in black shortsleeves in his house, man city new years day....WHERE IS GRANIT’S RECOVERY?

#ihc watches arsenal #ihc watches all or nothing #interesting to watch this one as a both teams fan hahaha

[endlessmidnightparade]

EMP Writing thots

It’s weird cus I’ve published 4 whole chapters of fics. And each time, I’ve written the writers notes before the actual fic. Idk yo, I like writing about writing more than I like writing. Anywayys, here are some more thots on my Sevika x Reader fic, Fix Her Up

- NO straight person could have written something this depraved. Writing this fic taught me that, as well as showing me how much I love a good lil bit o’ power play. Power dynamics especially between two characters in bed is such an interesting thing to explore.

- This chapter actually includes the scene that first inspired this fic. This fic helped me discover somethings about myself which is nice. Imma keep writing and learning more about myself. 

- This took me so long to write. Because 1) I’m still a beginner when it comes to fic writing, 2) I fear rejection, and 3) writing the smut flusters THE SHITE outta me.

- This took me no time to plan it out and I wrote most of it like a year ago, and was in the editing process and almost ready to post it. But I stopped and got cold feet cus I was afraid this wouldn't be as good as the first chapter that I was so proud of. So I avoided it for a long time, only working on it in lil stressed spurts at 3am. Which is why this took me over a year to even come close to completion. A few months ago, I said “fuckit, we ball.” Whatever I write was gonna be good enough, and if it was shitty, I was just gonna lie down and cringe in my bed like that one Spongebob episode where Squidward said “fuutuure! fuuuture!” repeatedly. I NEED to get this story off my conscience, out of my head and into the world so we could all get some closure. Also cus I think it’s a good chapter, I crave love and attention and my hubris knows no bounds.

- Anyways, if you were thinking about this fic, or were happy to see it update, or were one of those people leaving me kudos, thank you so much, seeing those kudos thru the year was nice and helped push me to get this published

- I held this so close to my heart for so long and now I’m finally ready to share this with ya.

#EMP Thots #fics #fic writing #writing #tumblr diary #god i feel myself getting cringier by the day

[epersonae]

For random asks: fibonacci numbers :3

Friend, I love you, and I can't believe you're making me look up the goddamn fibonacci sequence. (Which I feel like I should be able to work out on my own but fuckit)

What are three shows in your watchlist that you’ve been meaning to get to?

First three from the little notebook that I keep next to my couch: Strange New Worlds (started but haven't finished), Abbott Elementary, Derry Girls

3. Do you like smoothies?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't hate them, but I also sort of associate them with the before-beforetimes, which is not great, and also I don't own a blender. (I used to! And then I loaned it to Ryn to take to work at the eldercare place, and then Ryn quit and forgot to take it with them. And clearly I don't use a blender that much, because that was more than two years ago.)

5. How do you like your eggs?

Scrambled, with salt and pepper, or in an omelet. (or tbh: Starbucks sausage egg muffin, or McDonalds biscuit with sausage and egg)

8. Do you collect anything? If so, what?

I feel like I have several tiny collections: enamel pins, dice (weird dice in particular, altho I haven't added to that collection in a while), squishmallows (mostly inherited), vinyl records (ditto, altho I've been gradually adding to it); I have a little bit remaining of what used to be an extensive Lego collection (most of which I left behind). The thing I feel like I'm most deliberate about collecting is probably art, especially from friends. I LOVE getting friend art. (I have art from several mutuals in my house!) I also love curating and displaying it in my space, doing the whole color/shape/theme arranging thing. It makes me very happy.

13. Do you prefer to write in pen or pencil?

I used to be particular about my pens, and then I took this architectural design summer class like 10 years ago and got really into writing with pencil, and now that's my favorite. I got one of these a few years ago at a museum gift shop and fell in love, and then discovered that a bookstore downtown carries them, and now I am a person who has a favorite pencil.

21. What’s your favorite period in art history, your favorite famous work and/or your favorite style of art? If you don’t know any that’s ok!

Like with trees, I have MANY favorites, but I will say that I imprinted like a tiny baby duck on the Impressionists when I was 9 going on 10 and there was a HUGE exhibit at the LA County Museum of Art. I was obsessed with the Monet haystacks, and with this specific Van Gogh (somewhere I still have a postcard that I got in the gift shop!)

34. Can you read analog clocks?

So yes, of course, because I am An Old, but I do have a funny story about that, which is that there was a clock in the office at my last job, that a former employee (who later ended up being my boss, you know the guy I mean) had covered all the numbers with the wrong numbers, and we all just kinda got used to it. Like, he had left before I even got there, and it was still like that when we left the office when the pandemic started almost 8 years later, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's still like that. (I even replaced the battery on it twice, I think.)

[50 questions just because]

#fun fact: I once made a scarf that used the fibonacci sequence! #just 1/1/3/5/8 iirc in ribbing #things I collect and favorite historic art crossover: my beloved Andrew Wyeth poster from the 1988 LACMA exhibit #former boss was a not a very good boss but he was a very nice person and quite funny #will I ever get to anything in my to-watch notebook? WHO CAN SAY #ask games

[gardenergulfie]

Ok this may be wrong but the way c!Wilbur acted to c!Tommy kinda reminded me of that parent who listens to you talk but doesn’t seem to be really listening to your words. Its like the parent who only “listens” because they know that they can’t speak untill after you’re done. The one who doesn’t really take your words into consideration and thinks they’re always right. The one who goes “I know whats best for your thats why I’m doing this.” Thats the vibes i get and i think thats why i don’t like c!Wilbur very much right now

#dream smp #mcyt #tommyinnit #c!wilbur critical #this may be the c!Tommy apologistism coming though and i have been known to project a lot onto c!Tommy #i just want the kid to have people who actually listen to him #this is a bit personal but fuckit