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xb-squaredx · 4 years

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B-Squared’s Top 10 Games of 2019!

2019 was a year full to the brim of GREAT games, and as is the custom at the end of the year, people love to rank their favorites, so…I’d like to do the same! Of course my own tastes might be different from yours so if you don’t see a thing on here that you liked, chances are I didn’t like it…or more likely, there’s just too many great games out this year, and I couldn’t get to everything. I’d like to stress to that the rankings don’t really matter all that much, especially the farther down we go. Everything on here is an easy recommendation. Without any further ado…let’s take a look at my Top 10 Games of 2019~

#10 - River City Girls

I love action games, but 2D beat-em-ups never really clicked for me. They were largely before my time and I was thinking that it’d be impossible to get me into one in the current era of gaming. And then I saw Marian’s redesign for River City Girls and bought the game. What can I say? Abs are a great sales pitch. But seriously, getting Wayforward on the helm of a beloved classic franchise is already a great way to pique my interest, and while there’s SOME aspects of this game that I don’t quite gel with, it’s a fun, colorful romp through a ridiculous universe that I’d LOVE to see more of down the line. Featuring a role-reversal, with the girlfriends saving the boyfriends this time, River City Girls has gorgeous pixel art, an AMAZING pop-synth soundtrack that’s worth the price alone, and it’s a game that clearly had fun with the concept and that fun rubs off on you. From the stylish animated boss intros, to the co-op fun that can be had with a friend, everything in this game is brimming with charm. Basic NPCs have great designs in their own right, being able to recruit enemies as assists is a neat idea, and it all adds up to a fun, bite-sized adventure with a bit of depth under the hood if you’re willing to give it a look. Can the character designers get a raise for this game, please? And let Megan McDuffie just do all the songs from now on. ALL OF THEM.

#9 - Astral Chain

Most people assumed if we were going to get a Switch exclusive game by Platinum this year, it’d be Bayonetta 3 but instead Nintendo surprised us with Astral Chain, the anime cop action game we didn’t know we wanted. The game boasts great visuals and is probably the most content-rich Platinum game ever made for starters, but for me the true draw is in the combat. Playing as your police officer in tandem with an alien creature known as a Legion, this tag-team action game is unlike pretty much anything else on the market. While the game starts off very simplistic, the Legion itself moving and attacking with no input from the player, over time more and more options unlock and things get considerably more complicated. By game’s end, you’re drowning in options, and once things clicked, combat was always a treat. With plenty of enemies to practice with, Legions to master and a gigantic post-game filled with challenging encounters, I had more fun with the combat in this game than I did with a lot of other games this year. That said, I do feel that Astral Chain could have benefitted from trimming some fat or rethinking its overall structure. For being a new IP with some bold ideas, I’m willing to accept these as kinks that can hopefully be ironed out in a sequel. Oh, and add Lappy to Smash already. You know you want to, Sakurai.

#8 - BABA IS YOU

Puzzle games are hard sells for me, since I don’t like the frustration that often comes from being stuck. You feel dumb, you get embarrassed and turn the game off in shame, or at least that’s my experience. But then sometimes you get a game so clever, so…weird, that you can’t help but be sucked into it. BABA IS YOU is a block-pushing puzzle game, with the twist being that the “rules” of a particular stage are often physically present in levels and are in fact blocks that can be pushed and manipulated by the player. ROCK is PUSH, WALL is STOP, FLAG is WIN and BABA is YOU. But what if you can’t touch the flag because the wall is in the way? Well, make it so WALL is PUSH to move it aside, or maybe make it so that BABA is WIN and you become the win condition itself. As the game goes on, more modifiers and rules are slowly introduced and absorbed into your own internal logic of the game, logic that increasingly has to be broken and remade to suit your needs. It’s a very empowering experience when the solution clicks and the results can often be hilarious and surprising. This game also GOES PLACES the further you go in, and I’d rather not ruin that surprise for anyone who might be looking into the game. Definitely one of the most innovated titles I’ve played in a LONG time. BABA is GOOD.

#7 - Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid

OK, so…hear me out. Power Rangers was a franchise I was obsessed with as a kid, and while I don’t follow it anymore, there’s still some love for it flowing in my veins. So when a small, no-name studio puts out a Power Ranger fighting game that takes the simplified controls of Smash Bros. and the tag-team craziness of Marvel vs. Capcom and slaps it all together for a cool twenty bucks or so? Well you got yourself a purchase and it ended up being WAY more fun than I expected. Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid is far from the best looking fighter on the market, it’s single-player content is lacking, and it’s roster, while interesting, isn’t as big as a lot of the competition, but damn if it isn’t fun to play. With characters taken from across the franchise’s long history, from the live-action movie reboot to the comic books, each choice has been inspired and resulted in an incredibly varied cast. With no crazy inputs for special moves, combined with a tagging system that lets you cycle through your three-Ranger team quickly, the game is the best kind of chaotic fun, but true masters can command that chaos and channel it into cool combos that make you want to say “Morphinominal!” Considering it’s a budget title, it’s also received a fair amount of updates throughout the year to pad out the roster with both free and paid DLC fighters, a full story mode and improvements to the netcode and overall presentation., so if you passed on it at launch, it’s much improved now. It’s not gonna be a fighting game on everyone’s radar, but I’d rather support it than the grind-heavy slog Mortal Kombat has become…Now just hurry up and add that monster that baked the Rangers into a pizza!

#6 - New Super Lucky’s Tale

If your name isn’t Mario or Sonic, 3D platformers are effectively dead. That said, there’s been a few up-and-comers in recent years that are trying to revive the genre. Hat Kid from A Hat in Time, the duo of Yooka-Laylee, and now Lucky from the folks at Playful Studios. The cute fox has quite the history, starting from the Oculus Rift title, Lucky’s Tale, to a full-fledged platformer on the Xbox One X, Super Lucky’s Tale and now the enhanced port/reimagining New Super Lucky’s Tale on Switch. Halfway between a full-blown sequel, and enhanced edition, the game takes assets from the Xbox original game, tweaking and refining everything from visuals to controls to level layouts. The result is a game that is incredibly well-polished. It looks great, Lucky is a treat to control as he moves from jumping, burrowing and sliding around fluidly, and the variety on display keeps things interesting. We’ve got full 3D levels, 2D levels, auto-runners, and even some marble maze levels and puzzles thrown in for good measure. It’s not a hard game, but it IS incredibly fun, and well made. We don’t get many 3D platformers these days, so cherish what little comes of the genre. I hope Playful and Nintendo continue to collaborate, as they really seem more at home here. Just…maybe don’t add more words to the title of the next game, guys.

#5 - Katana Zero

There’s no nice way to say it: there’s too many pixel-based, side-scrolling indie games out there, so the ones that DO stand out deserve to be celebrated. Katana Zero has a real ‘80s flair for starters, using bright neon, TV and VCR visual effects, and a synth soundtrack to give it some real style. When a game kicks off with you slowing down time and reflecting a bullet back at an enemy with your katana, you make a good first impression! Add in the trial-and-error that is planning the perfect route through a stage, the satisfying slicing and dicing of enemies, the unique, challenging boss encounters, and you have a game that was on my radar for a while, before I finally got into it at the end of the year. Its storyline is pretty interesting too, with some slight variances in how events unfold depending on your words and actions, though it ending on a bit of a cliffhanger is a bummer. That said, when a game leaves you wanting more, there’s worse problems to have. At the very least, there’s some DLC hinted at that might be interesting, as well as the implications that this is the merely the first in a trilogy, and at this point I’m game for whatever developer Askiisoft has in store.

#4 - Luigi’s Mansion 3

The GameCube was an odd era for Nintendo, as they attempted to innovate and try new ideas rather than rely purely on their old standbys. Case-in-point, rather than launch the console with a new Mario platformer, his second-banana brother Luigi got his first starring role in what would become the Luigi’s Mansion series. While not making QUITE as big of a splash as maybe Nintendo hoped, it’s garnered a decent fanbase, and when a sequel was announced for 3DS, people ate it up. Considering the gap between the first and second games, I think many people were surprised at the relatively quick turn-around for the third installment. I was also surprised at the overall quality and how much I enjoyed digging into it. For starters, Luigi’s Mansion 3 is easily one of the better-looking Switch titles, boasting some great lighting and particle effects, with some fun physics implemented for just about everything in the massive mansion. Luigi and company are animated with a lot of expressiveness that never gets old, and the music sets the tone perfectly too. From a gameplay standpoint, the toolset Luigi gains gives him ample options to poke at every nook and cranny, with the slimy doppelganger Gooigi being the clear stand-out. Some of the floors of the Last Resort hotel that Luigi must ascend are particularly massive and intricate too, some floors feeling like Legend of Zelda-style dungeons. While not a particularly challenging game, it’s still really satisfying to poke and prod at everything in sight, sucking in all the coins, gold bars and stacks of paper bills you can handle, not to mention slamming the ghosts around like the Hulk does to Loki. There’s also multiplayer! That I…haven’t really touched but…hey! More bang for your buck, surely!

#3 – Dragon Quest XI S

I don’t consider myself a huge fan of JRPGs. Or at least that’s what I thought before I tried out the Dragon Quest XI demo on Switch. I ended up falling for the game hard and bought the full release, carrying my demo data over and not stopping until I hit credits. Despite having never touched a Dragon Quest game before, outside of an hour or so of VIII, I was overcome with this feeling of nostalgia when it came to this game. That’s because Dragon Quest is THE quintessential JRPG game, the originator of all that we take for granted today. It was nice to feel right at home with a simple, effective combat system, rather than having to watch games re-invent the wheel in an attempt to stand out from the pack (sorry Xenoblade), and the story itself, while predictable and a little basic at times, was told well and told earnestly. It really nailed the feeling of going on a grand adventure, with enough twists on the formula to keep things interesting. The turn-based combat was elementary, but always presented me with fair challenges and lots of ways to solve the encounters laid before me, with enough quality-of-life features added in to minimize grind and make things more convenient. The Switch version of Dragon Quest XI featured a bunch of new content on top of a game that had more than enough going for it, and it’s clear a lot of work was done to make this port as faithful as could be, and it stands out not just as a great port on a system known for some shoddy ones, but as a title that’s brimming with as much polish and quality to rival first-party Switch titles. Don’t ban Hero in Smash and don’t miss out on this game if you haven’t taken the plunge already!

#2 – Devil May Cry 5

The Devil May Cry franchise has had its share of ups and downs over the years. For every game that’s considered a success, you have another game that doesn’t quite measure up. For years many thought the franchise was dead in the water after the attempted reboot, DMC: Devil May Cry failed to grow its audience, but when Microsoft’s E3 2018 show revealed to us a new installment, fans were ecstatic. Devil May Cry 5 boasts crisp visuals, deep combat and trims the fat, removing the wonky platforming and puzzles of earlier games to create a high-octane action experience that ultimately exceeded fan expectations. Its storyline firmly plants Devil May Cry 4’s Nero as a main character in his own right, wraps up the story of the Sparda brothers neatly, and if this ended up being the last title in the series, I think it’s that rare ending that ends up being totally satisfying. Combat is the real draw here though, the game giving players three distinct characters to learn and master. Nero’s robotic Devil Breaker arms allow him a decent amount of variety, while having a balanced, beginner-friendly combat style for new players. Dante remains the king of variety, having more weapons than ever before combined with his signature style switching, though the game is actually designed with all these options in mind so he doesn’t end up breaking the game like he did in 4. Newcomer V ends up being a breath of fresh air, controlling up to three demonic summons at once, forcing players to really think more strategically. The music is incredible too; Nero’s own theme, Devil Trigger, has been stuck in my head since last year and I don’t see it leaving any time soon. All things considered, Devil May Cry 5 might be the best game in the franchise, and a worthy contender for game of the year personally. Now if only we had a special edition with Vergil and the ladies playable…

#1 - Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I got into the Fire Emblem series with Awakening and really liked it a lot, however Fates, the next installment, left a bad taste in my mouth. I couldn’t really get into Echoes, itself a remake of the second game in the series, and I began to wonder if this franchise was really for me. I was willing to give Three Houses a shot, but I was not prepared for the game to blow past all my expectations. Fire Emblem: Three Houses isn’t just a good game, it’s a game that’s redeemed a franchise that’s stumbled a bit in recent years, and it likely cements Fire Emblem as a core Nintendo franchise for years to come. It has class, depth and real heart...with only minor creepy or pervy elements! Making a grand return to home consoles after more than a decade on handhelds, it goes big and it ultimately paid off, on track to become the best-selling entry in the series. The school setting might seem weird at first, and I wondered how well I’d adjust to it, but being able to instruct your units and influence their growth in battle was worth the learning curve. Things are introduced slowly enough that the flow of the game becomes relatively easy to manage, if a bit time-consuming overall. With four distinct storylines you can explore, TONS of character interactions and some interesting tweaks to the strategic gameplay the series is known for, I’m confident in saying that Three Houses is well-worth a purchase for newcomers to the franchise. Divine Pulse is a great quality-of-life addition that lets you undo mistakes, rather than force you to start over from scratch, and overall the UI and layout of the game gives you enough information to make informed decisions without overwhelming you. Makes me wonder how we survived before the games showed us who enemies would target on their turns before now. Admittedly, some aspects of the progression have some issues, especially at endgame, and visually the game really is not up to par most of the time, but these end up being tiny blemishes in the long run for me. They certainly weren’t bad enough to prevent me from starting a new path the instant I finished my first route. If I have one request…just make Claude a gay option. Give the people what they want, Nintendo!

Honorable Mentions

I’d like to add on some honorable mentions here before we close things out, though most of these are things I didn’t even get a chance to play, but they certainly might have made this list. For one, Resident Evil 2 Remake seems like a high-quality reinterpretation of the survival-horror classic, but I can’t do horror so I’ll likely pass it up. It’s also for that reason that I might not get to Control but I might try jumping out of my comfort zone for that one. The confusion surrounding both The Other Worlds AND The Outer Wilds is funny, but they’re both space-based games I’d be keen on getting to at some point down the line; the former is a great Western RPG by the folks who made the GOOD Fallout games, while the latter is an interesting space-faring puzzler with some interesting mechanics I’d rather not spoil for those not more in-the-know. Indie titles Sayonara Wild Hearts and GRIS definitely caught my attention with their great visuals, and in the case of the former, its soundtrack, even if the gameplay wasn’t quite there for me, and the weird fighting-game-but-kinda-RPG that is Indivisible demands my attention sooner or later. Bloodstained is the Castlevania follow-up I keep forgetting is out, and I hear great things about Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair. The team behind the Yakuza series recently made a spin-off of sorts, Judgment that hit the West this year and while I like the Yakuza series for its quirky tone and fun combat, there’s still six other games I’d have to sift through, so going with Judgment, which is set to possibly begin a new franchise, seems like a good alternative. And how could I forget the likes of Shovel Knight as we finally receive the last expansion that’s been years in the making? I haven’t touched the King of Cards expansion yet, but I have the upmost faith in anything Yacht Club makes, so that’s surely a game of the year contender. 2019 was crazy good! Glad to close the year out with so much quality, and tons of great stuff to add to the ever-growing backlog.

Hope you had some good gaming memories made this year!

-B

#gameoftheyear #GOTY #GOTY2019 #astral chain #lucky's tale #baba is you #river city girls #devil may cry #luigi's mansion 3 #katana zero #power rangers #fire emblem three house #dragon quest 11 #xb-squaredx

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i-am-beyoutiful · 5 years

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Family Over Story: The Shield Brings The Sword

Here is the next chapter of Family Over Story!! I do want to apologize for the wait on this chapter. WrestleMania hangover hit me hard but I am back. Hopefully you won’t have to wait this long again. Anyways, in this chapter, we hop back in time to TLC 2012 and the shields first match!! I hope you enjoy!!

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“YOU’RE BEING RIDICULOUS!!!”

“I’M BEING RIDICULOUS?? I’M BEING YOUR MOTHER!! IF I DON”T WANT YOU OUT THERE, ITS NOT HAPPENING!! AND BECAUSE I AM YOU’RE BOSS, YOU WON’T BE GOING OUT THERE!!”

A high pitched scream traveled thru the door and the four men standing outside of the makeshift office winced at the volume. Tonight was TLC and for the members of the Shield, it was their first match. Not just any match, a TLC match. For weeks the quartet had been doing backstage segments and appearing out of nowhere to beat the crap outta everyone and anyone that got in their way. The siblings were told two weeks ago that they would have their first match on the main roster but to know that it was gonna be a TLC match on PPV sent them over the moon. They all knew they had to leave everything out in the ring.

Cecily had been yapping about all the cool things they could do in this type of match. All the spots they could do together. Saying Cecily was geeked would be an understatement. Damage, down in NXT, was know for brawling. Hitting hard, fast and with a vengeance. No one messed with Damage unless you wanted a one way ticket to pain. Cecily changed the game and she planned to keep that going with this TLC match. Which lead to the screaming match that the men of the McMahon-Levesque family were hiding from. A first draft for what creative wanted the Shield to do during the match passed across Hunter’s desk and Stephanie happened to see it. To say Stephanie was horrified would be an understatement.

Stephanie had her husband take out any spot that would put her daughter in any harm period. Hunter tried to change her mind but she was immovable. When the four siblings arrived at the arena and got the word from Road Dogg, informing them of the situation, the boys could barely keep up with their sisters steps. They got there just in time to see their dad pushed out the room and the door slammed in their faces.

More screams traveled through the door and Roman rolled his eyes

“Dad, What could Cecily possibly be mad about? It’s not like there won’t be more matches for her to participate in.” Roman mentions.

“I don’t think its the fact that she won’t be in this match. It’s what creative had signed up for her.” Hunter shook his head, “Seth was gonna be in harms way and she was gonna take chair shots for him then eat a table spot.”

“WHAT!” Seth shot up from the floor in surprise. “And you said no! Dad, Cece lived for that stuff down in NXT. Taking a couple chair shots is nothing to her!” Seth exclaimed.

“Trust me, I know and I was all for it. This is all your mom. She was appalled and put a stop to it.” Hunter held his hands up. Dean got ready to respond but the door slammed open. Cecily walked out, taking heavy breaths, looking every bit of pissed. Seth tried to say something but was cut off by Cecily’s finger. She just shakes her head.

“I’m gonna go get my make-up done because we have a segment to film. I’ll find you after.” Cecily took off towards the makeup chairs. All the men staring at the retreating figure of the female Shield member. Dean got a good look at her face and Cecily looked devastated. He could see his brothers on the verge of going after Cecily which would just end in a even bigger explosion.

Dean slapped Seth’s shoulder, “Hey let’s go get changed. We probably got some lines to memorize.” Dean leads his older brothers away and gives his dad a nod. Hunter sighs again before stepping back into the office to face the storm that is his angry wife.

Damage was arguing with her Shield brother, Seth Rollins.

“THERE IS NO WAY I’M DOING THAT!!”

“LOOK, YOU COULD GET HURT! DO YOU WANT THAT?”

“OHHH SO SUDDENLY ITS OK FOR YOU TO GET HURT!!”

“YEAH BECAUSE I’M AN ACTUAL WRESTLER!!”

“YOU MOTHER-” Before Damage could finish, the hand belonging to Dean Ambrose clamped over her mouth, muffling the words she was saying. Damage shook Dean’s hand off and went to leap at Seth but Roman interrupted. Stepping between Seth and Damage doing well to make sure his brother wasn’t hurt before the fight they had tonight. Seth and Damage were glaring daggers at each other, ignoring their fellow Shield members.

“What the hell is going on? Tonight is not the night for in fighting. We have bigger fish to fry.” Roman glances between them trying to gauge what could possibly be causing this commotion.

“Seth has ordered me to stay back stage while you guys go fight Ryback and Team Hell No. Tell HIM that’s not happening!” Dean and Roman glance at each other.

“Weeeellll??” Dean began and shrugged his shoulders. Damage turned to her brother in shock.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME DEAN!!!!! Out of all of you, you’re the one to tell me no!?” Damage shook her head in disbelief and turned to Roman pleading with him. He was her last hope of changing hers brothers minds.

“Come on, Roman! Make some sense please? I can help you guys out there.” Damage got her answer in Roman’s silence and she was taken aback.

“Wow. I guess all the times you said I’m just as much apart of the Shield as you are was a lie.” Damage, hurt by her brothers distrust, started to walk away but was grabbed by the elbow, stopping her in her tracks. Damage ripped her arms out of her brothers grip. She walked out of frame, her brothers staring in concern after her.

Right before the Pre show ends, a clip plays showing Damage fixing her boots. To her left, the locker room door opens with a creek. Damage stops and sits up.

“Whoever it is, I don’t want to talk.” Damage goes back to her shoes when three people walk in.

“I said I don’t want to talk,” She stands and faces her brothers, “Especially not to anyone who doesn’t trust me.” Seth rolls his eyes, already tired of his partners dramatics.

“Oh get over it Damage!! Its not about us trusting you.” Damage interrupts, enraged at her brothers response.

“NOT ABOUT TRUST!?!?! Of course it’s about trust. You don’t trust me to go out their and do anything and everything to make sure to Shield come out of TLC with a win. You don’t trust me to have chair cracked over my back. You don’t trust me to crash thru tables. You don’t trust me to take a ladder to the stomach and you guys trained me!” Damage breaths are coming out rapidly, her anger working her up. “If you expect to stand back here and watch as my brothers go to war in TLC match like any of these other good for nothing Divas,” She holds her hands up to pause, “Except for Naomi, Katilyn and AJ Lee, Natalya and Beth Phoenix.” The crowd laughs at Damage’s own interruption.

Damage’s breathing calms down. She drops onto the bench below her and crosses her arms, “I will not be made to feel invalid.”

Dean drops into the seat next to her and shakes Damage’s shoulder grabbing her attention.

“You are not invalid. You are a valued member of this brotherhood. You’re the only women we could tolerate. And trust us, none of the divas back here could pull off the Shield fare like you can.” Dean and Damage share a smile before he continues. “Now the reason we don’t want you out with us isn’t because we don’t believe you can’t take a hit. You’ve taken plenty and you’ve stood tall after. We don’t want you out their because we would have to watch you take those shots for us when you don’t have to. Seeing you do that may take our focus away from the match. And I know, for you, its important that we win. Its all you’ve been harping on for weeks leading up to tonight.” Damage laughs a little before Dean embraces her. Roman speaks up, finishing off his brothers speech.

“We gon go out there and we gonna beat the absolute crap outta Team Hell No and their little sidekick and show them why we are the Shield from injustice. Now lets do this!!” Dean stands and the boys join fists. Damage looks at all them and stands.

“You all take care of business tonight. And If anything and I mean anything happens out there no one is gonna be able to stop me. I’m running down there, chair in hand, and I’m swinging until something breaks. Its just a matter of timing if its the chair or someone’s back” All the boys nod with a smile and Damage thrusts her fist into the empty space waiting for her.

“You gonna be okay, Cece?” The boys just got the ten minute warning and they were heading up top for their entrance. Dean and Seth were already heading up but Roman stopped to check on his sister once again before leaving the locker room. Cecily hasn’t said a word since they finished filming. She hadn’t even reacted to all the matches playing out on screen. All her brothers were concerned but they had more important things to worry about. Going into a TLC match needed all their focus. Cece shrugged off all their questions. Telling them to direct their concerns on not getting hurt out there.

Cecily turned to her brother, a half hearted smile painting her face.

“Go kick some ass.” Roman nods and closes the door behind him.

Cecily continued to sit in the locker room watching the end of Kofi versus Wade Barrett when her mother walked in. Stephanie tried to speak but Cecily evacuated the space before she could get a word in. Cecily was walking thru the hallways and she ran into her Dad. He placed a hand on her shoulder as she was passing. He leaned closer to her ear and whispered.

“Hey have you spoken to mother?”

“Naw she entered the room and I left. I’m trying to find a monitor so I can watch my brothers match.” Cecily tried to exit the situation but Hunter stops her again.

“Dad, I don’t feel like doing this right now.” Cecily rolls her eyes.

Hunter drags her forward, back toward the shared locker room, “You don’t but I do.” The two reach the door. Hunter holds it open and just waits for Cecily to enter. She huffs angrily but enters the room to face her mother watching the beginning stages of her sons match in bated breath. Stephanie glances over at her daughter and her husband.

“Sweetheart, can’t this wait until after our sons match?” Stephanie proposes but Hunter cuts her off.

“No it can’t. Now Cece could you please explain to your mother why you’re mad.” Hunter hands the floor over to Cecily. Their oldest daughter looks around the room, anywhere but her mothers face.

“She doesn’t trust me.” Cecily finally blurts out and Stephanie is taken aback.

“Cece! When have I ever said I don’t trust you?” Stephanie asks.

Cecily rolls her eyes again, “You may not say it but you show it. You never let me pick my own clothes for events. I had to basically wrestle you into letting me dress like an actual Shield member and not a normal diva valet. You don’t even let me drive on the road and tonight was the last straw. I’m a trained professional wrestler, mom, and tonight you basically showed me that you don’t trust my training to be able to go out there and take a table spot and couple chairs to the back.” Cecily eyes bored into her mothers before looking away, directing her gaze back to the floor.

“Sweetheart, I didn’t know you felt that way. I only said no because its your first big match on the roster and I already have to watch my boys put their bodies thru this.” As if on que, on the tv, Seth and Dean get planted onto an awaiting ladder and everyone in the locker room winced. Stephanie points at the monitor, “I knew I was gonna have to accept this but it never crossed my mind that I would have to watch you do that.”

Cecily sighs and grabs her mothers hand, “Yes but mom think about how I would be changing the game. The divas didn’t do brawls but I did. The divas don’t fight like the boys but I do. No one expected me to be taking the same shots as the boys down in NXT but I did. Mom the people have been clamoring for a change in the divas.They want wrestlers. They want the women and men to be treated equally and I could have been the start of that, tonight. Mom this can’t happen again. I want to go out there and prove to everyone that I belong in the Shield. That I’m not just a diva but you have to trust me.” Stephanie pulled Cecily into a hug, smiling at her husband.

“I trust you Cecily. I won’t like seeing you do this but I trust you.” Stephanie and Cecily pull away with smile. Hunter smiles as well.

“Now that that’s covered I’m gonna run back to gorilla and make everything is going okay. Love you both.” And with that Hunter runs out of the room.

“Love you too.” The girls call back then they settle in their seats to watch the rest of the match.

“FUCK!!! My everything hurts!!” Dean exclaims while his mother checks on him and his brothers in the trainers room. The family was waiting for the trainers to come back. Cecily laughs at her brothers comment.

“That’s what happens when you have a TLC match, Dean. But other than the obvious pain you’re all in, How was it?” Cecily asks.

“It was awesome!!”

“That crowd was electric.”

“They couldn’t get enough of us.” Cecily smiled.

“Yeah I bet they couldn’t! Seth that table spot towards the end was SICK!!” The sibling continued to talk and harp on about all the cool stuff they did in the match.The boys wishing Cecily would have been out there with them. Cecily recounting all the things they did like it didn’t just happen. Stephanie and Hunter watched the scene in amusement.

“How did you deal with seeing Cece do all those brawls in NXT?” Stephanie asked.

“Oh I didn’t. Most of the time, I had someone else watch them to make sure no one got hurt.” The two parents laugh. Hunter shook his head in amusement, “You know I was terrified for Cecily when she brought up her and Saraya having a real brawl backstage. But I saw the look in Cece’s eyes. It was the same look my parents tell me I had when I told them I wanted to be wrestler. She believed this was her path and I gave her the ball to run with, no matter how much I didn’t want to see her do that stuff.”

Stephanie grabs her husbands hand and kisses it.

“Then I guess we’ll suffer together?”

“You bet we will.” They both smile again before joining in on the conversation their oldest kids were having. The family sharing this moment together.

#wwe #wwe raw #wwe smackdown #the shield #the shield wwe #dean ambrose #seth rollins #roman reigns #Triple H #stephanie mcmahon #wwe fanfiction #wwe fic #WWE Fanfic #wwe imagine #wwe imagines #FamilyOverStory #OC

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runephoenix6769 · 6 years

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Shattered Part 5

Widowmaker attempts to break free from Talon.

( From all povs.. Lena is not overly friendly to begin with. I shall be uploading here, continoulsy editing and eventually when I’m far enough ahead on Ao3.)

You can find Parts 1 - 4 under the shattered runephoenix6769 tag. If not i can just reupload. Enjoy.)

Shattered Part 5

Pushing open the door that would lead to the female communal showers, the ex RAF pilot was greeted by a wall of steam and the heady aroma of cleanliness and wafts of feminine scented shampoos. It was a reprieve from the stench that still lingered in her nostrils and Lena was convinced had got into the lining of her clothes and hair.

Dumping her wash bag onto the bench, she swiftly removed the chronal accelerator with practiced ease, stashing it into the specifically created water proof charging dock before the fine mist of minuscule droplets could play havoc with the inner electronics, safe in the notion that Winston would have considered such an eventually especially with her penchant for traipsing the streets of an usually over cast London and taken steps to incorporate it into the design of the life grounding equipment’s design, it still paid to be cautious.

With a shaky breath, she checked the connection to ensure it was charging correctly and that the seals hadn’t corroded in the often damp atmosphere before punching in her personal code to insure its security.

Her personal locker not more than a few feet away, was sandwiched between Zarya’s and Mei’s, whose remained empty. Lena ran her finger over the piece of scotch tape with her name written in sharpie checking the adhesive. It has been left in the hope of the off chance that the Eco Point operative would change her mind and return to the fold. Peeling at the edges, it would need replacing soon. Lena noticed DVa Nano cola stickers had been added to the collection of pink butterflies and decals of Lucio’s frog, a sign that not only she missed the climatologist’s chipper demeanour.

Letting out a small sigh, she turned the dial of the locker giving it an extra wiggle when it stuck on the number 7 as it always did. It’s not like she didn’t understand Mei’s trepidation at answering the recall, being left out in the cold by the International organisation was something they both had in common but the glaring difference, Lena had Winston who had worked tirelessly in his own time, risking court martial in a bid to bring her home safely, Mei on the other hand had woken up to the realisation that Eco Point and their team had been forgotten entirely in the fall. Lena couldn’t imagine what it must have been like waking up to find her team mates dead, trapped and with no hope of escape as they suffocated in their pods.

Similar to a cockpit. Tight. Sucking in oxygen from the tank. Enclosed and inescapable

Hands fading in and out of existence as fingers tried to grasp the eject button, gasping for air, fists banging on the cockpit’s encasing . Lena’s hand instinctively lashed connecting with the bottom left hand corner of the locker door. Dented from the repeated action of over the years, it popped open.

“Are you ok my little peroskie” came the low toned voice.

Lena blinked, quickly flicking a bright smile on her face to look at the towering form of the Russian Weightlifter; Lena barely came up to her chest.

“Sorry, didn’t hear you come in there.”

Zarya deadpanned, in broken English,

“In Mother Russia, the element of surprise is needed to hunt Omenics. All Russians are silent. We don’t cry when we come out of mother’s womb!”

Lena scanned the Russian’s face for a hint of a lie, finding none, she breathed in wonderment,

“Cor, blimey. Really?”

Zarya broke out into a booming laugh that echoed with the acoustics of the locker room,

“No!” a bear sized hand landed on the pilot’s shoulder causing the much smaller woman to slightly buckle under the weight. Zarya shook her head, “British so gullible.”

Water trickled in divlets along the grooves of the sculptured muscles, from Zarya’s neck, glistening on their journey along her bicep before dripping from her elbow and splashing with a little plink on the tiles. Zarya quirked an eyebrow and gave a polite cough. A flush of heat rose to Lena’s cheeks.

“Im .. Im .sorry.” her fingers reaching out, “Your biceps are the size of my thighs!”

Zarya’s grin widened and she flexed her biceps for show, nodding in permission for the younger woman to touch them. Lena tried to circle both hands round the bulging muscle and found her fingers too short. The Russian began to flex in body builder poses, turning this way and that. She turned to show off her back muscles only for the towel to slip down completely. Unashamed, Zarya turned giving Lena a full frontal eyeful. The pilot threw up her hands and closed her eyes, squealing,

“Jesus Christ!”

Zarya stood hands on her hips, revealing in her glory and teasing Lena’s reaction.

“Do you not like the female form? “ She theatrically boomed.

“Yes! Yes!” Lena hurriedly replied whilst trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness. “Just put something on!”

The Athlete let out another rolling jovial laugh as she retrieved her towel and wrapped it back around herself.

“You feel better now?”

Lena returned it with a genuine smile and a nod,

“Thanks.”

The two women settled into a comfortable silence as they got changed, Lena stripping down to her underwear and stuffing her clothes unceremoniously in to her locker. Retrieving her wash bag, she felt Zarya ruffle her hair as she passed.

“Come, find me when finished reports. Help me take Cowboy’s money in card game, da?”

Once more Lena gave the chornal accelerator dock the once over, testing the handle and double checking that the line of code continued to play in a loop flashing on the interface.

“Yeah, as long as you promise to challenge Reinhardt to an arm wrestle.”

“Done. German knight no match for Russian Bear!”

With a grin Lena slipped into the shower room to the sounds of another booming laugh.

Making quick work of her shower and dropping off her dirty uniform on the way, Lena was finally able to relax in the safety of her room. The life grounding piece of equipment, once again, was safely stashed in its charging dock not a few feet from where she sat at her desk in her shorts and baggy hoodie.

“Athena, be a luv and turn on the holopad.”

“Of course Lena.”

Whilst she waited for her holopad to come to life she stretched out from her seat yanking on a mini fridge door, blindly searching it’s depths until her fingertips grazed the familiar shaped neck of a bottle. Balancing precariously she continued to struggle to find purchase, cursing under her breath as she heard the glass bottle tip over rattling against the tray. Slowly she teased it forward by her finger nail in the bottle lid, finally coaxing it into a position whereby she could grasp it. Happy she pushed the fridge door closed with a foot whilst simultaneously unscrewing the cap off the large bottle of Bishop’s Finger.

Taking a huge gulp of the cool bubbly liquid she praised good old fashioned home brewed British red ale. Resting one foot on the edge of the chair, she relaxed back rubbing out the kinks in her neck. After all these years she thought she would be used to the extra added weight of the accelerator and she was, until she took it off and realised just how much lighter she felt, sometimes swinging round and continuing on an often unexpected trajectory .

“May I enquire as to the mission? All went well?” Asked the A.I.

“Yeah, after a fashion I suppose.”

Stretching up until her breast bone cracked and the muscles in her shoulders gave the tell tall sound of grating together, Lena made a mental note to ask Zarya who her competition masseuse was as she was in dire need of the kinks to be worked out. The last time she had ignored it had been at her own peril, not wishing a repeat of a trapped nerve resulting in sleepless nights, handfuls of painkillers and anti-inflammatories and being bumped off the roster until Angie gave her the all clear.

The tinkling music of the holopad coming to life almost caused her to startle.

“Athena. Can you pull up a report form?”

Taking another much needed sip, her eyes danced across the light screen. In a strip across the bottom international news headlines played in a loop. The top left hand corner the roster played over as to personnel away on mission, who was on active on base, who was on downtime. The little icon next to Lena winked green, DVa’s and Zarya’s green with a line through. Lucio’s red with a line through. Mei’s remained dormant, permanently grey. Lena had witnessed it flicker green once with an X through it meaning the climatologist had been using the system somewhere in the world and had no wish to be disturbed.

The report template appeared on the screen as Lena took another gulp of beer. Swiftly her fingers tap danced across the keyboard filling in relevant information such as mission code, clicking a drop down menu adding the names of the operatives in attendance, fuel and equipment used. Her fingers paused in mid-air when she came to equipment collected.

Her eyes flittered round the room before coming to rest on the gun case haphazardly tossed on the spare bed Lena often used as a wash basket and extra storage, a room to herself one of the many perks of being a Specialist Agent.

Under ‘Retrieval’, she began to type only to furiously hit the back space button. Sitting back again, she absently mindedly took a sip as her eyes focused intently on the gleaming state of the art case.

Overwatch headquarters having a state of art damping field for any such beacon or tracking device, she had in her haste to get out of her sweaty and stinking uniform put no thought to the weapon she had so excitedly retrieved.

It couldn’t hurt to look, could it?

Better to be sure that Talon hadn’t somehow found cutting edge technology that could circumvent Athena’s protocols. By all means that pesky Talon hacker Sombra could have found a way.

It was her duty to check wasn’t it? Just in case.

Leaving the bottle on the table, she used her toes to scoot the chair over, the wheels spinning and threatening to go in any direction.

Pulling the case closer, she turned it over this way before examining the clasps and giving them a quick flick to reveal its treasures within.

Nestled beside Widowmaker’s famous grappling hook gauntlet, the gun gleamed.

Widow’s Kiss.

She doubted is was named that out of any sort of sentimentality on Widowmaker’s part, more than likely some sort of dark gallows humour, if the woman was capable of such things.

Reaching out, she hesitated, her hands hovering over the sleek weapon. The light playing over the hues of black and intermingled purple coating the metal gave it the quality of a living breathing thing.

How would she feel if someone got their grubby little hands on her trusty twin pulse pistols?

Her excitement getting the best of her, she unhooked the straps that kept it in place before teasing it out of its nest. It was deceptively light, given the information Overwatch had gleaned that it also housed a sniper rifle barrel somewhere in its mechanics.

Fitting it snug under her arm, she gave it a few experimental swings. Suddenly she jumped up, enjoying the feeling of the weight, hefting it until she found a comfortable way to cradle it. Getting a good grip on the stock and holding it firm against her shoulder, she peered down the sights and the barrel.

She had been on the end of that muzzle intent on snuffing her out of existence plenty of times. And once in Numbani she had held it in her hands, firing it and instantly regretting the recoil, but in the heat of the skirmish she hadn’t had the time to admire the craftsmanship, only wonder how someone who looked so statuesque yet frail could expertly wield such a thing.

Turning she caught her reflection in the long mirror on her wardrobe door. Correcting her stance she admired her reflection, attempting to sound seductive and intimidating in a mock French accent,

“Foolish girrrrl.”

She stepped to one side, only to jump back in front of the mirror,

“Mwaa ha, ha, baguette, hon, hon, croissant!”

She let out a snort of laughter at herself in her tiny shorts, oversized hoodie with one of the most feared weapons in the world in her tiny hands and against her slender frame.

In heady excitement her finger tips began to feel out all the tiny nodges, searching for the trigger mechanism that would open up Widow’s Kiss in all its beauty. Noting the difference, she was sure she had found the culprit. To press it was so tempting but she would look like a daft bint if once she had the sniper rifle unfolded she wouldn’t be able to get it back in. Who knew what protocols would be in place? For all she knew it might self-destruct reducing her and Watchpoint Gibraltor to nothing more than a crater. Thinking better of it she carefully placed it on the bed, making sure the muzzle was pointed at the wall.

Instead she turned her attentions to the piece of equipment that made the Talon assassin glide through the air and cut soldiers in half. If Widow’s Kiss was sleek and sophisticated, the grappling gauntlet came off as industrial by comparison. Positioned in the all at once soft but solid packing foam, it looked to Lena that to remove it one had to slip the arm into the gauntlet’s wrist hold and pull. It’s dull grey exterior belied its predatory allure as Lena slipped her forearm into the wrist hold. Fastening it as tight as it would go she found the interior against her skin surprisingly soft and snug. The pilot gave it an experimental tug only for the full case to follow her and hang uselessly. Holding it steady with her other hand, she tugged again only for this time the foam came slightly loose from its corners.

A tiny piece of white caught Lena’s eye. Peeking out from one of sides, caught between foam and steel of the guncase was the small edge of something . Taking off the gauntlet, Lena used her thumb and forefinger to fish out the curious object. Finally working it loose and pulling it from its hide out, she let out a small gasp.

Only the old fashioned and rich used film stock, everyone else preferring digitalised photo frames that played a number of images on a loop or the more modern holo frames that played snippets of video that back in the ancient internet days were referred to as gifs.

Turning it over in her hands, her eyes roved the image. Recognising Gérard, she dropped it as if burned. Never taking her eyes of the photograph, she slumped in the chair.

The last time she had seen him had been just before the Slipstream test flight. Being a mentor and a friend, he had drawn her into a one armed hug, telling her how proud he was of her, that she had this in the bag. That he had been rooting for her to be the one picked out of all the hopefuls from the start and no other pilot had been more deserving. That morning something in her gut had told her something was off and she parted her pre-flight jitters he had reassured her, steadying her by giving her a quick nip of schnapps out of a hip flask he called Dutch courage and she had joked that was it because the French didn’t have a word for courage? He had given her a playful cuff over the ear and with one arm slung over her shoulders walked beside her as the tannoy called out that the test was about to start. As she had settled herself in the cockpit she had flashed him a quick thumbs up before he had turned walking back into the darkness of the flight hanger, neither knowing it would be the last time they saw each other.

By the time Lena had returned, Gerard Lacroix was dead, said to be killed in the line of duty.

Gerad’s death wasn’t something that was discussed much and if it was it was done in hushed tones. Rumours had flown rife at the cadets canteena . A Talon operative had snuck like a viper into his home, murdering him and his Prima ballerina wife in their sleep. Eventually as Lena had worked her way up the ranks and her clearance had been changed accordingly, the story had taken a different twist.

One that the Londoner wasnt entirely privy to.

With shaky fingers and heart pounding in her chest she retrieved the photograph. Treating it with care and reverence she re-examined the image. A happy husband and wife on their wedding day, Gerad looking dashing and handsome in his tuxedo smiling down at a stunningly beautiful woman nestled into him, proudly showing off her wedding ring. Lena recognised the elegant and fine features. She had been up close and personal enough, usually trading blows and those pouty lips pulled back in a sneer ridiculing her.

There`was no mistaking it, the woman in the photograph was Widowmaker.

She had heard snippets of the sad tale of caution. She was aware that Anglea and Gerard’s wife had been close. That’s for years they had assumed his wife dead. That Widowmaker had been responsible for the ‘death’ of Ana Amari. Beyond that it was a relative wall of silence shrouded in mystery.

Scooting back across the floor, Lena reached for the bottle of beer taking a sip.

“Athena.”

“Yes Lena.”

“Pull up everything you have on Gerad Lacroix, namely to do with Talon Operative Widowmaker.”

Her thumb lightly brushed over the face of the blushing bride in thought. Why would Talon’s top assassin keep this? This physical form of a happy memory? A tangible part of her past?

“Sorry luv, could you add anything to do with Amelie Lacroix to the search?”

“That could take some time Lena.”

Clearing a space on her magnetic organiser she trapped the photograph to the board with a Beefeater fridge magnet.

“Don’t worry luv, I’ve got plenty of time.”

A chatbox pinged in the top left hand corner.

~~ She-Bear~ @FlyBoi “Weak Cowboy man dare me to a wrestle with mechanical arm. Come watch Russian Muscle crush robot reliance.”

~~DVaInternational~~ @FlyBoi. Lena where are you? McCree is in as idiot. Im gonna live stream it~~

Lena grinned at the invitation, typing out a hasty reply.

~~FlyBoi~~ @She-Bear @DvaInternational. Lemme finish this an I’ll be over. Don’t start without me!~~

Quickly her fingers flew over the keypad, noting time and date. Describing the mission, she left out the parts about Fareeha and Angela butting heads. She catalogued the guncase and gauntlet and left out the hidden memento. Satisfied she hit copy, save and send taking pains to make sure she had one copy in her personal folder and all T’s were crossed and I’s dotted.

Quickly she got changed, swapping out her shorts for comfy pants, and slipping into her chronal accelerator before secreting it under an oversized zip up hoodie. Tugging on a pair of ked’s she checked Athena’s progress and setting her own chatbox icon to green with a line through indicating she was available but off duty. Carefully she returned the Talon operatives gun back to the gun case, checking it was secure. One last look at Athena’s progress she grabbed the case before flicking off the light and dashing out the door.

Eriey light bathed Lena’s messy room in its glow. In the top left hand corner the personal roster continued to update. Mei’s grey notification flickered in quick succession coming alight in bright green, X flashing before disappearing and turning into a line.

#tracer #widowmaker #widowtracer #lena oxton #amelie lacroix #fareeha amari #pharah #angela ziegler #mercy #overwatch #fanfic #runephoenix6769 fanfic #shattered part 5 overwatch #long post #shattered runephoenix6769

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cavaliant · 6 years

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8 people I’d like to know better. repost don’t reblog.

one ( name/alias ): Dusk

two ( birthday ): I am the immortal Parent of Thracia (tm)

three ( zodiac sign ): Taurus

four ( height ): 5'2"/160cm

five ( hobbies ): drawing, writing, reading, playing video games

six ( favourite colours ): green, wine red, sapphire blue

seven ( favourite books ): Le Petit Prince, Song of the Lioness quartet, Protector of the Small quartet, Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code, My Side of the Mountain, The Hobbit

eight ( last song listened to ): Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons? I was trying to make some muse playlists

nine ( last film watched ): ??? Idk I don't usually like watching movies that much

ten ( inspiration for muse ): The lack of attention Thracia gets in comparison to the rest of the series only strengthens my deep, intense love for it and its characters, because if not enough people are going to love it then obviously the few of us that do gotta love it 100x harder right.

I get inspiration from analysing game scripts/actions, comparing fan translations to info from Japanese sites, and imagining how characters would be different in various verses while still retaining what's essentially "them". I also get inspo from pitching ridiculous ideas to Light and Kris and then actually ending up doing them, thank you my shameless enablers--

eleven ( meaning behind your url ): Originally I was actually considering RPing Silas because there was a Kaze blog (which has since deactivated) that I really liked, and I the FE RP community seemed like fun. Cavalier/cavalry + valiant = cavaliant. However, I kind of lost interest in Fates after that, so the blog never got off ground and instead got converted months later to this one. I kept the url since it was still kinda fitting with Rein being a cavalry unit and I just really liked this pun ok. I now have three out of four muses on the roster as cavalry units so...

tagged by: @clericallis hello father Libra, it’s me, your darling hellion tagging: whoever hasn’t done it

#;mun stuff

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pixie-mask · 6 years

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Nintendo E3 2018

Daemon Machina...ok

Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna-The Golden Country

These games always look vaguely interesting to me but I never feel like playing them...

Pokemon Let’s Go Pikachu/Eevee.....ok

Super Mario Party. Ok.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Well the series still looks really pretty.

Fortnite. Ok.

Indy Games

These all seem like fun and look nice.

Various games

Not really interested in any of these. They...exist.

I only saw two I would really play but because they exist on other consoles, idk if I’ll play them on the Switch

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

I’m actually pretty behind on this franchise...on the fence if I actually want to keep playing it.

Man this seires has a lot of Pokemon fighters.

Also this lineup in general might be.. getting a little ridiculous.

So...I’m surprised Travis Tounchdown wasn’t added to the roster. Save for the first game (as far s I know) his games are exclusive to Nintendo. And I don’t want to hear about its because his game is too mature, cause Bayonetta is in the goddamn game

Daisy! She’s no longer a character swap! (I say as I still might not get the game)

Is this...is this the last of their show reel? I mean jeez

Huh, coming out sooner than I thought

Yep it’s done

#nintendo #e3 #e3 2018

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 6 years

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alright so we’re back with chapter three - the Great Witch

i wonder how much of their memories Nick and Maya have actually recuperated

the whole thing seems a little dodgy...

“This bench looks like a torture tool– shall we try it out on you, Nick?”

why is Maya so bloodthirsty in the game?? i mean she’s mischievous, but...

ahhh their widdle walking sprites are so cuuuute!

hang on– is that a picture-picture of Barnham with his dog?? if so, that should raise a lot of questions...

also why is the only person who *doesnt* comment on the painting Phoenix? he’s the art major.

you know, ive seen plenty of Phoenix X Barnham, and Darklaw X Barnham, but I’ve never seen any Phoenix X Darklaw

i wonder why...

maybe Ive just never come across it

“Mr Wright, are you alright?”

(no response)

he's dead guys the fucking dog killed phoenix wright

luke: I can talk to animals maya: haha omg cool! phoenix, laying in a pool of his own blood: hurgle

wait did maya just call Barnham adorable by proxy

things layton likes: puzzles, stone lanterns

oh fuck i forgot about the puzzles

also what the FUCK muffet

Patty: I believe in your Phoenix

Phoenix, trying not to cry: cool cool cool

aww. its nice to have a moment to just talk about feelings, especially between the sidekicks.

...

...dont go into the forest you little fuckers

maya likes helms..??

“I used to come here with Nick. He’d carry the water pots, and I’d cheer him on!”

that reminds me, theres no plumbing. in fact, since its the middle ages, theres not even any outhouses. maya and phoenix have canonically shit in the streets

DOGS AND CATS, LIVING TOGETHER–

its 12:30 on a school night and I've spent over an hour trying to help a dog deliver mail

oh maya solved that one! thats the first AA solve of the game. ...er, to me.

i dont understand how piccarats work

like, the previous puzzle was 30 piccarats and it was ridiculously easy. this one’ twenty and ive already lost ten points

maybe its to do with how my brain works– the 30 one was a pattern/colour puzzle, and I'm an artist. this one’s about directions, and I'm ASS at directions.

darklaw what are you WEARING

you look like a skimpy medieval furry

seriously what is with the metal skirt on bare thighs

is that supposed to be comfy

man these backgrounds are so beautiful

why did she specifically tell Maya to be wary of witches

“You certainly both love your food. Personally, I’d just like a little more sleep...”

amen bro

oh fuck

Drosselmeyer wants to see Layton. dont let him brainwash ya!

“So this is the deathknell dungeon? Looks more like solitary confinement to me.”

considering the fact that she can see out the door, i doubt its solitary nick. solitary is a sealed box from hell.

Maya: you were just scared that nick would fuck up like always!! because he's an enormous fuck up haha!! Espella: i... no, i think he's really great

Phoenix: ...hey can i change assistants please

OH HO

CLIFF HANGER

one does not simply

visit the storyteller

“come to think of it, during that parade, the storyteller did seem to be held in high esteem by all the townsfolk...”

guys have you not realized that youre literally meeting god yet???

ah see Layton’s got it

c’mon luke keep up

pfft they think Layton’s a hatter

just wearing a tophat does not a hatter make

ah the knights garrison

this is where Chucky stopped playing on his second third-space save

I wonder why...

“And so the travellers finally arrived...”

yeah well first of all??? if you wanted me to get in there faster maybe dont make your door a fucking puzzle maybe

fuck you old man you aint shit

(btw i managed to solve it accidentally in the recommended 4 turns by pressing 3 random buttons and then realizing id somehow succeeded)

Storyteller: [farts suspiciously]

Storyteller: you guys are bad because you stopped me killing children

Layton:

“OOPS”

DUFLUS SHFLS

LUKE ITS OK

I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO BE MAD

Espella: it’s true... that the towns folk look at me in a different way

well for one thing youre a different art style than most of them without being anything usually associated with said art style

oh ok that i was not expecting

she’s,,, jesus???

Maya spitting truths here

wait hang on a second

first of all– “the great witch is just a character of myth” yeah well EVERYONE is a character, Espella

also, she says she came to live with Patty 5 years ago... which is also what Phoenix and Maya said

when their memories all got altered to include phoenix and maya, does that mean they like, had a whole growing-up-together for five years roster of memories?

13 y/o Espella and Maya meeting, bonding over stuff, wondering why only Maya had to make bread and Espella didnt

Phoenix–– hell, in the time frame, he’d be ‘Pheenie’ being their older brother. Acting like his 25 y/o self, or harkening back to those days and acting accordingly??

and how shitty it must’ve been when they realized none of it ever happened.

“Were these things... My memories?”

well probably not considering im pretty sure that tiny kid being flown over was you

i feel bad for nick’s... wherever is getting bitten, but this does lend credence to my headcanon that animals hate phoenix so

also the inquisitor office theme needs to chill the fuck out

“Exactly what are you doing over there on all fours”

dont do that

“He just sits back and lets his dog bite people, err... I mean, me”

he’s lucky nobody flips the fuck out and bites back. i suppose nobody would dare if they knew it was his dog, but still. not very responsible.

“Dr. Delduke” eh

well now

“He was no witch.” “Why?”

“HE was a man.”

( Welp, can’t argue with that. )

hey!!! equality to witches!! boys can be witches too!!

“Maya... can you get this mutt away from me? I can’t feel my leg.”

“Aww... So soon? I was hoping he’d use you as a blue chew toy just one more time.”

ok, seriously, what is UP with Maya? I can’t remember her ever being this violent in the original series. Like, she hit Nick over the head with the shichishito that one time, but she wasn’t constantly wishing harm on him??

as much as i appreciate seeing a tiny maya model i fucking hate the cloud puzzle fuck you for doubling up on it

oh i lucked into the answer awesome

this seems to be a running theme...

every time someone looks at the bell tower, they always comment on the bell never being heard. it must be foreshadowing.

wow Jean is very short

...also I'm calling it now, HE DID IT

hmm Greyerl’s voice actress is a little more noticeable than Luke’s...

also OH OK. the fucking bell tower just MANIFESTED OUT OF PURE FLAMES

THATS COOL

“He reacted in a moster peculiar way. Unlike others who saw it, he seemed unsettled, as if he was truly afraid of something”

oh i dunno, maybe the DEMON BELL TOWER???

Maya: only YOU can fuck up that badly, nick!

ok... genuinely, utterly, seriously, why is Maya so malicious in this game? She does tease Nick a lot throughout the series, but its usually in a more playful or goofy manner. A lot of the things she says in this game seem sort of unnecessary or weirdly hurtful... especially since phoenix hasn’t done much to warrant any of them.

hmm

well, I know what happens to Maya

but what the hell is he doing to Nick?

also I do hope there’s a reeeeeaaaaally good reason for all this...

layton flings out his arm to shut luke up skdgkafajkf

wait why did the owl bring them that

“Luke, my boy... We have the need... to rent a steed.”

LAYTON

oh and they fucking did

“You think that’s bad? You should see Nick try and do the laundry– Now that’s a major blunder!”

see that seems a little more in character somehow

especially since its something that seems like he would fail at.

still, weirdly insult heavy...

hey hey

100 coins

“in an alchemy sense”

shouldn’t that be an ‘alchemical’ sense?

“I guess you’re more suited to small, dark, damp places.”

is that a reference to the mushroom thing??

phoenix, in someone else’s abandoned basement: oh no their house plants are dying :( ill water them

this man??? is pure??

“Well well well. If it isn't a well.”

NICK

“Come to think of it... I haven’t noticed any plumbing here in Laborynthia.”

I WAS RIGHT

THEY SHIT IN THE STREETS

“As things stand, Mr. Wright is in serious danger!”

uh the story said Maya would die, not Phoenix. It said he’d be cursed, but Maya would be tried and burnt. You should probably be more worried about her...

great witch: sup guys I'm gonna fuck shit up

game: the following is too horrifying to look directly at; here, have some shenanigans with Luke and that other bard Bardly was complaining about.

“Birdly”

fuck you perhaps

WHY IS EMEER THERE

NOO

also hi Layton you’re looking a bit uh

a bit

...well this hardly makes any sense

doesn’t Layton appear not long after this? also, it’s easy enough to prove Maya’s not a witch; just hand her the staff and ask her to politely turn Layton back.

that or just cry on him real quick; worked for Ash

bweuuuhhh dont cry luke pls

luuuuke

its ok luke magic isn’t real luke

...though from what I’ve heard of your universe, someone could have used Science to turn him into gold and that could be totally real so

just

c’mon in for a hug lil guy

also see yuh all next time for part... four? i think?

#perusing pl vs aa #ooc

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andrewuttaro · 5 years

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New Look Sabres: GM 63 - PHI - Brandon Montour

The Flyers tonight are a really tough pill to swallow. Ugly mascots that end up changing the game aside, overly optimistic Sabres fans such as myself have been looking up in the standings at who these guys can catch, rather frustratingly so as of late. With a Flyers win tonight they surprise the Sabres from behind and hop ahead of them in the standings. Can you imagine that violent, orange cookie monster impersonator surprising you from behind? Want to hear another surprise from behind, no this isn’t a sex joke: Marco Scandella paired with Brandon Montour. OH VETERAN, MY VETERAN! WHATSOEVER WOULD COACH HOUSLEY DO WITHOUT YOU! Housley’s prioritization of veteran minutes is going to be a whole paragraph in the Season Retrospective isn’t it? Yea, THE SEASON RETROSPECTIVE THAT WILL HAPPEN IN APRIL IF HE CAN’T PROPERLY UTILIZE THIS ROSTER! Ok, stop, Andrew. Optimism; remember the optimism with which you started this blog. Ugh, what different days those were. Speaking of not making the playoffs, let’s talk trash about the last team the Sabres played in the playoffs! Philadelphia, the past of this match up it that old ballad about working class cities just smashing their blue-collar lunch pals at each other as hard as possible. The world and the NHL has changed and now a playoff matchup between these two teams looks more like it would be a speed-skill bonanza then any kind of grit-for-grit hockey men party. The Sabres are building something new while the Flyers are copying the Penguins model: yeah, I said Penguins! Sabretooth wasn’t wearing pants when Gritty wasn’t even a sparkle in Jakub Voracek’s eye yet! 2011’s rematch is a going to go for the Sabres in 6, you sloppy copycats. That was fun; too bad it’s going to make this next part harder. This was the night the playoffs died. But no, you’re New Look Sabres, you preach taking a New Look at this team time and time again! How can you say its over!? Well, eight points with twenty games left will do that to you. Luckily, we’re not focusing on that tonight.

New Flyer Ryan Hartman set the tone of this game leveling Rasmus Dahlin along the boards early. Zach Bogosian and the old-time hockey alliance came crashing in like you know and instigator penalty, other penalty, whatever-whatever it panned out to nothing. Want to know why contemporary hockey fans don’t give a shit about keeping fighting in the game old boys club? It doesn’t help. At best it gives your team a moderate morale boost at worst it chops years off dudes’ lives. Whatever, it didn’t help the Sabres win this game. If the Sabres weren’t outshot each period they were certainly outplayed. By eight minutes in the Flyers were already up 2-0 on the backs of Oskar Lindblom and Jakub Voracek. Let’s get something out of the way: this loss wasn’t because of Carter Hutton. He was left out to dry and when we look back on this season their will be poetry in that. More and more every year this club is Jack Eichel and friends. Our favorite Patriots fan put this team on his back and made us believe again like Tom Brady! Ok, that was gross to write. I’m sorry you had to read that. I’m going to collect myself now. Jack Eichel did get the puck from Skinner and did toe drag a fucking bullet in there, but the period ended 2-1 and even the grossly optimistic types like me still kind of felt this crap wasn’t going to get much better. Like the cold, cruel march of time closer to death the Sabres would get scored on once they began to give us hope. 15 minutes into the second period James van Riemsdyk redirects a puck in front and gets the orange boys up 3-1. What is that? This is one of those game Casey Mittelstadt flashes the kind of brilliance we’ll get from him on the regular in a year and a half or so? Awesome, New Sabre Brandon Montour gets the play going in the defensive zone that would eventually end in Casey Mittelstadt tapping in a goal via Evan Rodrigues and Conor Sheary. 3-2 Flyers would be the high-water mark of this game for the Sabres as the only positive highlight of the third period would be Travis Sandheim doing his Sabres ten game winning streak impression and crashing the net less then a minute in to get the Flyers their two-goal lead back. Whatever whatever, Claude Giroux, whatever whatever, can you believe they eliminated Caelynn on the Bachelor, whatever whatever; Sabres lose 5-2 in regulation and give up another spot in the standings falling to a full eight points back. The Panthers might still win their game at the posting of this and they can hop over the Blue and Gold too because irony has no bounds in the season of the ten-game winning streak that saw no playoffs.

So yes, it’s not over until the fat lady sings. There is a ridiculous scenario where the Sabres win 65-75% of their remaining games to sneak into the playoffs. As I began saying last night, start cushioning the blow now, fam. Enjoy what’s left of the ride but start thinking about what’s for dinner. I’m letting my soccer side out starting now. Hell, I just posted on my politics blog for the first time in like a month. Let loose, Spring is officially 21 days away even if playoffs aren’t. However, this is not how I’m ending the blog today. No sir: we have a new player to celebrate. Brandon Montour had about as decent a game as you can have in a loosing effort on the road when your new coach insists on putting you with a negative player that is really only in because he’s been in the league for a while. I mentioned Montour being the catalyst of the Mittelstadt goal play earlier, but Montour made some good moves in this game. He broke up a lot of opposition passes in the defensive zone, more than you expected before with this Sabres defense. For all you suburban hockey dads he also laid out a decent hit or two in the third period that feels right in a game against the Flyers. He made his mistakes too, struggling in the offensive zone shortly before the JVR goal. Nonetheless Montour is a clear addition to this team and if shit ever gets better here for a Sabres fan I have a feeling #62 will be a part of it. This one just hurt, and I very much look forward to turning my attention to the Rochester Americans for tomorrow’s Amerks Angle update. I’ll be discussing banners in that one so if you need a palette cleanser check back tomorrow.

In fact, cross-promotion city here because how long can we talk about this dreadful team, if you got an eye for Soccer, I have a whole soccer blog at Rochester Rhinos Outsider if you want to check in on that. I also have a politics blog but let’s keep it in the sports family for right now. Right now: I just want you to like, share and drop a comment on this post. Let’s commiserate together because now, with the deadline past this is the bed we’re sleeping in from now until April 6th, fam. I’d love to hear from you. If you’ve read this far you probably won’t mind a conversation with me either. Reply or @ me on twitter or DM on twitter or Tumblr. If you’re only on this blog because I posted that neat little graph last night, stick around, there’s another one of those coming Saturday! No matter what you’re here for, it’s the Sabres that brought us all together and no matter how ass they maybe they can’t take that from us! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. In all the busy-ness of the last few days I forgot to mention Kyle Okposo is back already. Evidently his concussion was only slightly worse than Jeff Skinner’s ankle injury and he’s already back! I like to think fan support helped that along.

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paradoxicalca · 5 years

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r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 1: Toothless Sharks Edition

/r/Hockey NHL Power Rankings Week Sep 30, 2019 - Oct 6, 2019 (29/31 Rankers Reporting)Thank YouThank you to all of the volunteers doing the power rankings. Each ranker has their own system and have their own reasonings and analyis. It truly is a lot of work.RankersSpoilerOrganizersSpoilerVisualizationThe visualization contains historical data, so you can see how your team has done over time. Hopefully, we can run this for many years in hopes that we can see the rise and fall of teams by /r/hockey opinion.It automatically updates so feel free to bookmark. You can find it hereProcessHow does this work? Throughout the course of the week rankers are able to access an app that will allow them to rank teams. At the end of the period we calculate the average ranking for every team and collate all of the analysis provided by rankers.The app then generates a post that is first proofread and then posted to /r/hockey!RankingsRanking (avg)TeamDeltaOverall RecordRecord This WeekComments1 (3.09)Vegas Golden Knights-2-0-02-0-0Not a major surprise the Golden Knights came out with something to prove when they played the San Jose Sharks and out scored them 9-2 in two games to start the season. The Knights have clearly worked on their Penalty Kill allowing 0 goals while scoring 3 shorthanded goals themselves. The Golden Knights have only played against one team so far but they have a huge test on Tuesday as the Boston Bruins visits T-Mobile Arena. The Golden Knights are playing without two quality forwards in Cody Eakin and Alex Tuch, who got hurt during the preseason, and their number 1 defenseman, Nate Schmidt, who got hurt early during the season opener.2 (3.35)Boston Bruins-2-0-02-0-0The Bruins start the season on the road and picked up where they left off last season, playing a strong defensive game but not a high octane offense either. Two wins to start the season is great but the real test will be Vegas this Tuesday. With some new teammates and players still recovering from the long playoff run, it will take time to build chemistry and the anemic powerplay shows that. Halak got the first shutout in the League which bodes well for another 1a/1b season.3 (4.89)Toronto Maple Leafs-2-0-12-0-1Its the first week of the season and the leafs are showing they still have some rust to shake off. Going 2-0-1 is great espcially when we had a back to back but 10 goals against is not ideal. That being said the team has looked good. Auston Matthews once again getting off to an early start with 5 goals in 3 games. Mitch Marner and Morgan Rielly also sitting with 5 points in 3 games. The offence is as usual clicking for the Leafs it's just a matter of getting things set on the defensive end and not taking dumb penalties. Despite this though the leafs have stilled walked away with 5 of a possible 6 points so I think it safe to say this has been a successful opening weeks for the buds.4 (5.56)Colorado Avalanche-2-0-02-0-0Start of a new season and Big Moose (Rantanen) is back! Avs have a lot of turnover from last season 8 different players starting from closing night of the regular season, though some of that is injuries. The new guys look good, but the Top Line is still flying. This defense is ridiculously young, only Johnson has more than 300 games played and 3 of them have less than 50 combined, mistakes will be made, but the hope is they learn from them and get better and better. Our depth is better this year, but chemistry still needs to be worked on, our second line cannot find its flow right now, but it has moments. Shout out to Grubauer already stealing a game against Minnesota. Oh and Calder watch Makar already has two assists through two games, oh and he played 22 minutes on opening night.5 (6.18)Carolina Hurricanes-3-0-03-0-0Hard to judge a team after only 1 week of play, but as the team is starting to gel around the newcomers, flashes of brilliance are starting to mainfest. Gardnier is looking like the #1 PP QB we have been lusting for, Haula has a nose for the net, Aho and Svech are looking brilliant, and Edmusson and Slavin are making the brilliant defensive plays we need of them.6 (6.35)Washington Capitals-2-0-12-0-1Even in the absence of Kuznetsoz the Caps are still one of the best teams in the league. Vrana seems poised to enter the next level this season which is good news as Ovechkin is starting the season off slow.7 (8.29)Tampa Bay Lightning-1-1-11-1-1Tampa looks different this season so far. While the new additions like Kevin Shattenkirk and Patrick Maroon seem to be plugging in very well, the team is having a lot of trouble staying out of the box, especially in key situations. That, combined with a low shot total, is resulting in some frustrating play, and has caused 2 bad losses. Hopefully this is just a slow start for the team, because if these penalties continue, it could be a long season.8 (8.29)Buffalo Sabres-2-0-02-0-0Players without a point after two games: Elite 2nd line winger Vladimir Sobotka, Johan Larsson, Jimmy Vesey, and Henri Jokiharju. Our fourth line has been on fire. Sam Reinhart looks like a top 10 passer in the league. The hype level is reaching heights never before seen, and there are two possible outcomes. First, the Sabres Sabres it all up, or second, the Jack Adams trophy is renamed in Ralph Krueger's honor. Don't let me down Buffalo.9 (9.47)St. Louis Blues-1-0-11-0-1Binnington looks good, Faulk seems to fit in, Blais and some other young players look primed to fill in the gaps in our roster, and Jaden Schwartz decided to avoid the early season slump from last season by scoring one last night!10 (11.09)New York Rangers-2-0-02-0-0Mika Zibanejad is a God. Ok we got that out of the way. This team is very fun to watch right now, but there are obviously still issues. The first line is very fun to watch and so is the first power play unit. Mika has 8 points in 2 games which is very exciting, but in terms of the rest of our centers, there isn't much to say. We need a true 2C but we should let one of the kids (Andersson, Chytil, Howden) grow in to the role rather than panic and just get a rental, even though Strome has been quite the opposite of good. The defensive side of things hasn't been as bad as projected also. I think we should stick with the pairings we played in game 2, but there will likely be a lot of shuffling. I'm looking forward to the rest of this season though! LGR11 (12.97)Nashville Predators-1-1-01-1-0Hockey's finally back, and it's time for the first (half) week of power rankings where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This offseason saw the Preds make some pretty major moves, which even after the limited sample size of 2 games are already making an impact. The biggest headline was of course the 1-2 combo of a trade that saw Subban go to NJ, freeing the cap space needed to sign UFA Duchene to a 7 year, $56m deal. The addition gives the Preds a solid 1a/1b, and Duchene has looked strong already posting 5 assists. Also significant was the hiring of Dan Lambert to run the PP, after a year where the Preds posted the 33rd worst PP% since the stat began being tracked in 1977. While only time will tell how the change in system works out, it has already looked promising in the preseason and first 2 games. Overall optimism is high, as this looks to be another year where the Preds will be a top contender in the West and hopefully make up for their first round exit in last year's playoffs.12 (13)Calgary Flames-1-1-01-1-0The curse continued for the Flames as they lost their 10th straight season opener. The team rebounded nicely against Vancouver, largely due to a great shutout performance from Rittich. Through 2 games Lucic has been mostly unnoticeable other than his 21 PIMs, but I don't think Flames fans expected much else. Thankfully, the Flames have enough firepower elsewhere, especially from Johnny Hockey whos started the season strong with 5 points through 2 games.13 (14.29)Anaheim Ducks-2-0-02-0-0The ducks are finally exciting to watch. Throw out your watch ability rankings and tune in for some high event hockey. In other news, Ondrej Kase is good and probably underrated. He leads the team in shots and was a driving force behind the ducks 3 goals against the sharks.14 (14.35)Edmonton Oilers-2-0-02-0-0The Oilers have come out this season swinging with a solid 2-0 first week. With wins against the Canucks and the Kings, both divisional opponents, the Oilers look poised to continue their positive efforts on the penalty kill to provide solid results on the final score line. Mike Smith has looked shaky, but the top line of McDavid, Draisaitl and Kassian has looked potent. The powerplay too with Klefbom and Neal has been dynamic. There are definite gaps with the loss of Larsson further exposing the lack of depth on defense, no scoring coming from the bottom 6, and close 1 goal games against teams unlikely to be in the running for playoffs come February. RNH is also distinctly missing from the score sheet. Cautious optimism is the way to go for now.15 (14.56)Montreal Canadiens-1-0-11-0-1Kept up with the best teams in the league, crazy fast and had a nice comeback win against the leafs (4-1). If the defense stabilizes, they will be a serious threat.16 (14.88)Florida Panthers-1-1-01-1-0The Panthers had two solid games and Bob and Hoffman stole the show during the home opener. Q's system will take some time to cement itself, but it's looking good.17 (15.47)Pittsburgh Penguins-1-1-01-1-018 (17.71)Philadelphia Flyers-1-0-01-0-0Thank goodness this only counts for the regular season and I dont have to address the HC Lausanne game. They played well against the blackhawks, with AV's system seeming to help us create chances. Hart looked good in net, giving up larger rebounds as the only real knock I had for him. Basically we won the first game, so its about to be an 82-0 season and a 16-0 playoff run. Gritty will hoist the cup soon. And his day with the cup will be glorious. Praise Gritty.19 (17.94)New York Islanders-1-1-01-1-0The biggest change this off-season was in net, with Varlamov replacing Lehner as the 1a. Varlamov didn't look fantastic but only let in 2 goals in his debut, with improvement surely to come as he settles into the Korn system with the tremendous defense in front of him. Greiss picked up where he left off last year, looking fantastic. Barzal continues to be a magician with the puck, Nelson still has a filthy wrister, and perhaps most importantly, the fourth line is looking completely healthy. Beauvillier has impressed in his two games, hoping to add consistency. Things to look for include Dobson making his debut, and what the Islanders end up doing with Hickey (consistent part of their blue-line for the last half-decade) and Ho-Sang (requested a trade) who are on their AHL affiliate while having the talent that would make some NHL rosters.20 (18.44)Detroit Red Wings-2-0-02-0-0The Bertuzzi-Larkin-Mantha line that broke through last season picked up where they left off in their weekend openers against Nashville and Dallas. Jimmy Howard is looking excellent and looks to have another season where he can give the Wings a chance to win any game as long as there’s effort from the skaters. Outside of the top line and goaltender the Wings look absolutely average especially without Andreas Athanasiou carrying a 2nd line. Outside of Hronek, the defense group looks slow and sometimes even lazy as they fail to exit the defensive zone on many attempts and produce too many unforced turnovers, giving opposing teams extended zone pressure. This team can definitely score and get their shots off however any opposing teams will not have trouble keeping up with the Wings on the scoreboard regardless of any lead the Wings have. If they keep scoring 4+ goals a game, they will have a chance at competing for a wild card spot this season.21 (19.62)Winnipeg Jets-1-2-01-2-0Little bit of good, lots of bad. Defensive depth seemed to be a real liability, Anthony Bitteto proved he was not a worthy NHL defenseman, Helly and Brossoit have yet to return to the forms we know they can get to and we have trailed for almost all of our 3 games. But, on the bright side, Laine and Connor seem to have real chemistry and are working well with Copp, and the top line of The Knife, Ehlers and Captain Wrench has been quite good. The Letestu/Bourque line has left lots to be desired, as their age has certainly shown through. For this team to succeed we need lots of 3rd Period vs New Jersey and much much less whole game vs the Islanders. One brighter note is that Kulikov has been a lot better than last season, and Heinola is also one of the lone bright spots on an inexperienced/unskilled back end.22 (21.71)Chicago Blackhawks-0-1-00-1-0The Blackhawks started on the wrong foot, losing 4-3 against the Flyers in Prague. Patrick Kane factored in every goal (1G, 2A). Alex DeBrincat signed a 3 year extension at $6.4M AAV. Team defense should hopefully improve when both Connor Murphy and Calvin de Haan recover from their groin injuries. Also, fans are excited to see if Kirby Dach can contribute this season after missing training camp with a concussion.23 (22.24)Dallas Stars-0-3-00-3-0There's many issues. Injuries. Slow starts or weak finishes. Key players not producing. But there's signs of life, and the pieces are still here. Monty has some work to do to make those pieces fit. More tough opponents next week, so things need to change sooner than later or this losing streak is bound to grow.24 (24.03)New Jersey Devils-0-1-10-1-1This week is a shitshow with rankings, so I personally put anyone with one game played near the lower middle simply for not enough data. Now onto the Devils. Oof. Nearly 2 full periods that went really well and then just everything just seemed to fall apart. We had a scare thinking Cory may have hurt himself again, but that seems to be averted and he was available in Buffalo. Speaking of Buffalo, damn I hope that game doesn't weigh too much on Blackwoods mind. Honestly, I'm just hoping that this is the struggle of having several new guys on the team all learning to play together. I don't want to believe that the Devils are in the bottom 10 of the league, but the last 4 periods they played certainly made it appear that they are.25 (24.94)Arizona Coyotes-0-2-00-2-0Two games into the season, the Coyotes are looking extremely good, despite the win %. The defense, which was 5th best in the NHL last season, is starting right where it left off, allowing only 1.5 GPG. Kuemper has been stellar as well, with a SV% of 94.5%. In regards to offense, the Coyotes are finding it, but are yet to convert; in fact, the only goal comes in the first game against Anaheim, courtesy of the Kessel-Keller-Stepan line. This being said, the Coyotes have outshot the opponent 68 to 55 in the first two showings (owning 54.3% of high danger scoring chances), especially flashing dominance against Boston, controlling possession the majority of the game. With a shot percentage of only 1.5% and a PDO at 94.7, the Coyotes can expect to start winning games at a high level, so long as they continue playing how they are playing.26 (25.91)San Jose Sharks-0-3-00-3-0Not much to say, just that the Sharks have looked awful so far this season. Everyone looks lazy. It feels like the Sharks want to recreate game 7 against Vegas by giving everyone 3 goal leads.27 (26.06)Los Angeles Kings-0-1-00-1-028 (26.38)Minnesota Wild-0-2-00-2-0The only real change from last season to this season is the aging process for the Minnesota Wild. Key signing Mats "Lizard" Zuccarello was just another step in that direction. It's very early, but Nashville and Colorado should fight for the Central title; Minnesota clearly looked outmatched and outskilled in these first two games. New GM Bill Guerin may get the green light to blow things up early if this is all the Wild have to offer for their on-ice product - and their off-ice product is not much better.29 (26.79)Vancouver Canucks-0-2-00-2-0The Canucks probably deserved better in their season opener vs. The Oilers, and they probably deserved exactly what they got on Saturday vs. the Flames. Thus far, the team has demonstrated that it can be quite exciting - even dominant. It has also demonstrated how difficult it is to compete in this league - even with a few shiny new pieces on your roster. Hopefully the announcement of the new Team Captain during Wednesday's home opener will bring about a much needed change of fortunes - because as Oilers and Buffalo fans can long attest, a prolonged skid to start the season can make it very difficult for a team of young guns to turn the corner.30 (28.03)Columbus Blue Jackets-0-2-00-2-0Not quite the start of the season the Jackets were hoping for. The youngest team in the league is going to have some growing pains, especially with our two unproven goaltenders. That being said, outside of the goaltending, the rookies have looked promising. Within the next few games, stuff will start to click.31 (30.09)Ottawa Senators-0-2-00-2-0Operation #DernièrePourLafrenière is moving forward swimmingly, with the Sens giving up the season's first hat trick to Zibby and looking nearly as bad as the Sharks on the PP. Chabot and White are signed up long term, so all that's left to do for the season is to lose a ton of games, let the kids get as much playing experience as possible, and watch hometown hero Scott Sabourin trigger some Leafs and Habs fans. Oh, and pray Eugene Melnyk's cash-flow problems to force a sale of the team. r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 1: Toothless Sharks Edition Source

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paradisiacpublishing · 5 years

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Paradisiac Publishing currently has some books on roster (the proper publishing industry term, of course)!

Get this: one/some/PREFERABLY ALL could be in your/a loved one’s library. What are you even doing right now? Playing outside in the snow (awesome)? Baking the most delicious Midwestern food imaginable (you’re amazing)? Looking outside at a barren winter hell (it’s going to be OK)? Well, just take a quick seat and check out these books you can order to read by the fireplace with cocoa later!

Promise. Us. You’ll. Put. Rumchata. In. Your. Cocoa.

PROMISE US!!!

Anyway.

These books are a steal. It is true that Barnes & Noble has a coffee shop inside, but you can buy our titles without even having to worry about putting on pants so I mean I think we can all agree which option is better.

So what’s the deal?

All titles. $15-$40 per book. That is actually an effing steal considering you are dealing with a 100% independent, LOCAL publishing company. Does it even necessarily know what it is doing at all times?

No it does not! It’s women run so...

I AM KIDDING!

It’s WOMAN-RUN, so you know these books will actually get to you when expected, sent with tender-loving care.

Also, it’s the holiday season.

Whatever you are celebrating, these books make great gifts!

And, if you were a jerk all year and aren’t getting any presents, buy yourself one or more of these books and forget about your garbage life by getting lost in these pages.

Something. For. Everyone.

So, what are the books available that you could buy?

Here’s some:

But wait, there’s more:

Last (but in no possible way least because it gets its own highlight), our newest title:

Oh, but wait, there’s more!

Oh! And:

Holy. Shit.

So many books!

What are they even about though?

Good question! Check it!

Prose and Kahns by Zack Kahn

Los Angeles actor and screenwriter Zack Kahn trusted Paradisiac Publishing to bring his first book to life. The book is a collection of Zack’s comedic one-liners collected over time on the scraps on which they were originally created. Tons of LOLZERS and check the Amazon reviews/Facebook page for a tip on how to use the book as a drinking game. Holiday. Fun.

Becoming BGD by Matthew Essex

With great power comes great fashion sense. This saga about a gay, Midwestern superhero is a must-read. Written by Quad Citizen Matthew Essex.

Montreal on October by Ryan Buynak

Ryan is the owner operator of Coyote Blood, Paradisiac Publishing’s sister company. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! It means whatever you want it to mean! Basically, Ryan writes the fuck out of poetry (and writing in general) and this collection is his take on his favorite city up north. Ryan has been a partner to Paradisiac from the start and someday we will take over the world, possibly, if we get around to it.

We’re the Drug by Justin Everett Foyil

In this Coyote Blood book, Justin (a singer/songwriter) channels his radical mindset into a unique breed of poetry.

Something’s Missing by Lauren Alexis Wood

Lauren wrote a children’s book as a baby shower gift for her new niece (fall 2017), because if that was an option of something you could do, why wouldn’t you do that? #extraAF She asked illustrator Johnnie Cluney (Daytrotter, Bent River Brewery) to bring the story to life and he couldn’t have done a better job. She also calls her younger brother stupid within its pages. If you love sibling rivalry or you’re just looking for an adorable book to give to an expecting couple, this is your title.

Future Underwater Tomahawk by Ryan Buynak

A Coyote Blood title, this title astounds as a collection of random acts of poetry.

A is for Artisanal by Matthew Goldenberg

Illustrated by New Yorker cartoonist Benjamin Schwartz this modern alphabet book playfully highlights popular, new-age and hipster baby names and it is goddamn adorable.

Hellbound Angel by Nikki Avila

This breathtaking look at an apocalyptic future touches on personal growth, relationships, and finding your way home. The first novel by poet Nikki Avila is a page-turner that sheds light on the beautiful poet she has grown into.

Ghost of the Wooden Squid by Ryan Buynak

This was the first title of Ryan’s (and I think his third published collection?) Paradisiac had the pleasure of publishing. It was love at first read in this exciting showcase of everyone’s favorite anti-poet at the time.

Help me! I’m Fat! by Lauren Alexis Wood

Paradisiac founder/owner lost a pretty astounding amount of weight by getting really into CrossFit so she wrote a book sarcastically about it (aren’t you supposed to, like, just automatically get on Good Morning America if you lose more than 100 pounds?!). Although ridiculous, the book contains blank journal pages with silly motivational shouts should you or someone on your Christmas list have health on their mind heading into the new year. She actually kept the weight off so there just *might* be something to the very brief, yet impactful tips on health within the first few pages. The book also links to her fitness blog where she documented the entire 5-year journey.

100 Series Presents: Shades ($40 special price due to printing costs)

Quad City Lifestyle brand expert and reigning local positivity spokesperson Jaawan Arrington of the 100 Series shares the photos and stories of 100 incredible Quad Citizens who each shared an object of importance in these colorful pages. If you’d like a wonderfully eclectic look at what makes the Quad City area so special (hint: it’s the people), this is a fantastic investment/gift.

Angels & Inner Demons by Nikki Avila

In Nikki’s follow-up to Hellbound Angel, and first collection of beautiful poetry, this title touches on the light and the dark elements of the human experience.

Sleeping: I’m Just Not Good At It by Ryan Buynak

A Coyote Blood title, what does a poet do when he can’t sleep? He makes lists. Lots of them. This collection is a culmination of a restless man’s collection of things he must never forget.

Magnet by Ryan Drag

In this Coyote Blood title the lead singer of Heavy Birds holds nothing back in a complex collection of lyrical verse dedicated to the exploration of one’s subconscious mind.

Half Dollar Rebel by James R. Parkinson

In this gritty yet hilarious collection of heartfelt essays, a young man struggling to make his way in New York City begrudgingly makes his way to adulthood.

Misfit Tales by Nikki Avila

In this cerebral collection Nikki touches on growth, love, emotion, and finding your one, true self.

Writer Bartender Skateboarder by Ryan Buynak

A Coyote Blood Title ten years in the making, this fucking amazing collection is Ryan’s latest contribution to Rock & Roll Poetry.

The Necessaries by Misty Urban

In Paradisiac’s latest title, midieval literary scholar Misty Urban takes a step back from academia and a step into our hearts with a collection of riveting stories and character portraits with life lessons you won’t soon forget.

Scary Stories To Laugh At In The Dark by Lauren Alexis Wood

This title is an homage to Alvin Schwartz’s classic ‘Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark’... except with a humorous twist. Because the dark is scary! Also... some people might be familiar with laughing in the dark for another reason so this is just adding to the laughs!

Happy Cloud’s Fly Along by the Intro. to Children’s Literature Course (ENG 240) at Black Hawk College in Moline, IL (Fall 2018)

The perfect children’s book to read to your little snowflake at bedtime.

Being the President: An Outline by Lauren Alexis Wood

This is a children’s book for any young leader out there with big dreams on the importance of being nice and embracing teamwork. Also, it’s a children’s book specifically written for our current President, Donald Trump, and is a very easy-to-understand quick guide giving him some specific guidance on how to do his job. If someone needed to womansplain the presidency to Donald Trump for some reason, I imagine this could be looked at as an effective option in which to accomplish that feat. Something the whole family can enjoy!

Um, excuse me. Those all sound amazing and this is actually kind of impressive AF.

THANK. YOU.

If you are interested in a title, please shoot an email to [email protected] with the title(s) you are interested in and your mailing address. You will get an invoice sent your way ASAP. Pay the invoice and your books will be on their way.

❤️❤️❤️

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maysoper · 6 years

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Follow The Money

See these ladies? They're paid by the NHL. Before you start emailing, tweeting, and commenting how I know nothing about hockey and how the NHL doesn't have any female players, let me assure you that I know these two facts. Yes, I know nothing about hockey and, yes, I know the NHL doesn't have any females who play the nightly games. There's an explanation here that needs to be told, and it will come as a bit of shock that the money actually does tell a story. I'll make a few assumptions here and I'll point those out, but things make more sense once you see the paper trail. We'll start with the claim that was put forth in an article published yesterday by Associated Press writer John Wawrow. He writes,

The NHL's support of women's hockey included the league stepping in at the last moment to end a wage dispute between USA Hockey and U.S. National team women players threatening to boycott the 2017 World Championships on home ice. Two people familiar with the situation said the NHL agreed to pay USA Hockey to help fund the four-year agreement. The people spoke to AP on the condition of anonymity because the league and USA Hockey have not made that information public.

Ok, so there's always some uncertainty when it comes to anonymous sources, but the Associated Press has some pretty stringent rules for its writers when it comes to using anonymous sources. I will assume that Wawrow and his news manager have vetted the material presented in Wawrow's article, and will stand by its veracity. Note that I am assuming this entire article's base on the Associated Press having done its due diligence regarding anonymous sources. There's some danger in this, but we'll press on. If the above is true, it seems that USA Hockey doesn't want egg on its face in trying to explain why they had the NHL pay the American women in their demands for better wages as Olympians similar to what Canadian Olympians get. The NHL obviously doesn't want to embarrass one of its partners in USA Hockey with whom it has a solid relationship. Keeping this deal quiet works for both sides, and no one needed to be the wiser about where the money came from to pay the American Olympians. Except someone talked, and Wawrow published it. This, as you probably can imagine, set off the women's hockey world.

AP absolutely burying the lede here folks pic.twitter.com/fh6Rry8Eot

— nora, but spooky 🎃🕸 (@fleurideroses) October 17, 2018

I'm not going to start splitting hairs here, but anonymous sources can't really be your lede as it calls into question all sorts of credibility. Hearsay is not what the Associated Press deals in when it comes to writing articles. You probably want a tabloid for that. In any case, there was all sorts of outrage and disbelief and gasping and general shock that something like this could ever happen. Rather than taking a look at the actual news and trying to verify its truth, it seems the women's hockey bloggers and writers needed time to continue to build the necessary outrage when it comes to the NHL doing anything positive for women's hockey, let alone their vaunted and idolized gold medal-winning US Olympic women's hockey team. Here's where thing become a little easier to digest: there has to be a paper trail for this transaction. The NHL and USA Hockey both file tax returns, and, in the case of USA Hockey as a public entity, they post their financial audits on their website. That means there should be some information in there about the NHL dumping some cash on USA Hockey to resolve the players' demands for livable wages similar to their Canadian counterparts. Before we get into the auditing of the audits, there are a few details I need to spell out here. First, USA Hockey paid the women in the national team program $1000 per month for a six-month period every Olympic year prior to their new agreement. Yes, that's ridiculous for women who are expected to compete at the highest level every four years, so I'm glad that the American women won this battle. They sought fair treatment during the three-and-a-half years between those Olympic camps, and they got it. While the actual details on what pay and benefits they receive have not been released (nor should they be), let's assume that the agreement they made continues with the same pay from USA Hockey as they received for the six months leading up to the Olympics. That is, let's assume that they'll earn $1000 per month for every month they are part of the national team program. A reasonable assumption, right? The women were going to boycott the 2017 IIHF Women's World Championship that was being held at the end of March 2017, so we can also safely assume that the deal reached between USA Hockey and the US women's national team would need signatures and ratification by both sides. If we believe that there would be a reasonable time period in which this happened, let's say that this new agreement began in May 2017 after one month of time in which both sides got everything signed, sealed, and delivered. Again, a reasonable assumption, right? Assuming that the rate of pay and the time period needed to ratify the agreement are true, we should be able to find proof of this infusion of cash into USA Hockey's pockets from the NHL. The next place we should look? Hockey USA's financial statements. Because this happened in 2017, there is an audited financial statement on Hockey USA's website for that year. Let's get the shovels out and dig into this, shall we?

I might be a little rusty with my accounting skills here, but it seems that the NHL increased its total payment to USA Hockey by $200,000, pushing it up from $9.2 million in 2016 to $9.4 million in 2017. That's a significant amount of money that the National Hockey League is pouring in when you consider that the only larger contribution to USA Hockey's bottom line was "Membership registrations and dues" from programs across the United States. There is a curious addition to the NHL's line on the statement that reads "Note N". What does Note N state?

Wait, do mine eyes deceive me? Does that note state that the NHL specifically provides cash for initiatives involving women's hockey? Indeed, it does, and that would mean that the balance of the money left over once USA Hockey spends money on "existing costs associated with the national team development program and junior officiating development program", the rest goes towards initiatives that include women's hockey. You might be asking how this relates to the US women's national team and their fight for livable wages. We'll take those fair assumptions made above and work the numbers at this point. If there are 25 women on the national program's roster at any one time and they earn $1000 per month each, the total per month that Hockey USA would need to pay the team would be $25,000. If the agreement started in May and ran until December 2017 in terms of the 2017 financials, that would be eight months of pay that the women would receive. Eight months of $25,000 in wages would be $200,000 in total wages for the remainder of 2017. Assuming the NHL didn't demand a reduction in spending by USA Hockey on "existing costs associated with the national team development program and junior officiating development program" nor a reduction in spending on offsetting "costs associated with new initiatives, specifically the American Development Model, Women's Hockey, and membership development, plus support for the United States Hockey League and College Hockey Inc.", this $200,000 increase in funding from 2016 to 2017 wouldn't just be some arbitrary funding increase without some sort of impetus for the increase. What if the impetus was $1000 per month for 25 players until the end of the calendar year? Coincidence? Let me go on record and state that none of this is concrete evidence. Perhaps there was another reason altogether for the increase that USA Hockey received from the NHL in terms of its financial support. However, it states very clearly in USA Hockey's financial audit that the NHL does provide monetary support for its women's programs, including the US national women's team, and it appears that support is significant based upon the report filed by John Wawrow. If the NHL is funding the costs for the national team program and the junior officiating programs, this $200,000 increase would perhaps fall under that jurisdiction since the US women's national team would possibly fall under that "national team program" purview. As stated in the audit, "[t]he balance is to be directed to offset costs associated with new initiatives" after those costs for the national and officiating programs are paid, and I cannot see the NHL arbitrarily tossing more money into USA Hockey's remaining pile of money for new initiatives without USA Hockey making a clear case on where the money is going. That's the entire point of accounting - tracking where the money is spent. While a detailed financial audit would certainly provide more answers than the financial audit posted on USA Hockey's website, there are simply too many puzzle pieces that fit together nicely based entirely on the idea that the US women's national team is earning $1000 per month, similar to their Canadian counterparts. Again, I made assumptions that make the narrative in this article work, but these are reasonable assumptions based on past events. Maybe I'm entirely wrong. I can accept that. It's the downside of making assumptions, and I prepared to live with that if that's the case. Maybe my understanding of accounting practices is completely out of touch with actual accounting practices, and I can admit that reading financial statements is as much fun as watching paint dry. But if John Wawrow is standing by what he wrote regarding what his sources told him, I feel fairly confident in this breakdown of why the US women's national team is on the NHL's payroll. All one had to do was follow the money. Until next time, keep your sticks on the ice! from Sports News http://hockey-blog-in-canada.blogspot.com/2018/10/follow-money.html

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racingtoaredlight · 6 years

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Degenerate’s guide to week 4 college football 2018 TV watch ‘em ups

The season is starting get some equilibrium to it. Alabama with a legitimately good QB and Coach Kool might just be unkillable but dumb shit always happens.

Here it is, technically the first fall Saturday. It’s still not an unmissable slate of games but the warmup games are mostly done with. East coast times, don’t care about the sites, nothing good will come of all this. Here you go:

Saturday, September 22

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Akron at Iowa State 12:00pm FSN

The MAC and the Big XII are close enough to being doppelgangers that if the Big XII committed a heinous crime 35 years ago the Big XII’s legal counsel could probably create doubt by claiming that it was actually the MAC who did it.

Boston College at Purdue 12:00pm ESPN2

BC kind of plays like what the B1G pretends its teams play like and Purdue is running a Big XII kind of team. Worlds are colliding! Boston College has two RTARLsman candidates but I’ve limited myself to only talking about one per week because I still kind of hate Boston College.

Buffalo at Rutgers 12:00pm BTN

Tyree Jackson is the kind of player I would lose my job over as an NFL scout. I look at him and think, “this guy is like a good version of Josh Allen!” Watch him go undrafted.

Georgia at Missouri 12:00pm ESPN

Drew Lock has a three-game stretch starting today that will make or break his prospect status among the general public. NFL evaluators? Who knows. He could look ridiculously awful but show off TRAITS!!! and still go #1 over Ed Oliver and Lil’ Bosa.

Kent State at Mississippi 12:00pm SECN

There are apparently seats at this game available for $2. The Landsharks have some really talented players so if you’re in the area, here’s a 4-hour highlight reel in the making.

Minnesota at Maryland 12:00pm BTN

Brian Kelly got away with murder but DJ Durkin might not. I’d like to think that’s a step in the right direction for society but Durkin is a pretty bad coach on top of being a murderer so it’s probably not indicative of anything larger.

Navy at SMU 12:00pm ESPNU/ESPNews

Game of the week! I could be wrong but my early impression is that SMU is pretty bad this year.

Nebraska at Michigan 12:00pm FS1

Scott Frost is trying to get out ahead of things by saying things will get worse before they get better but as it stands Nebraska is gonna be underdogs in every game for the rest of the year so this should probably be as bad as it gets. As long as you understand it’s going to stay exactly this bad at least for a couple more months.

Nevada at Toledo 12:00pm CBSSN

This is at least as good of a game as the one right above it. So that’s a moral victory.

Notre Dame at Wake Forest 12:00pm ABC

RTARL is officially rooting for Wake Forest this week.

Ohio at Cincinnati 12:00pm ESPNU/ESPNews

The dregs of Ohio football can really give Michigan and Louisiana a run for their money (where monetary value is increased by the decreased quality of football within a given state.)

Pitt at North Carolina 12:20pm Raycom Sports

I wouldn’t have thought two years ago that things could take such a dramatic turn in Chapel Hill but this might be Coach Hat’s last stand. If UNC loses to Pitt they are in very real danger of going 0-12. Stupidly enough, this is a conference game but Ohio-Cincinnati is not.

Louisville at Virginia 12:30pm RSN

Here is a game desperately in need of Lamar Jackson.

Western Michigan at Georgia State 2:00pm ESPN+

There will never be a week where I can remember off the top of my head which one is Georgia State and which one is Georgia Southern. Western Michigan had an NFL prospect last year (I think he went in the 4th round eventually) but this is not last year. As the saying goes.

Illinois State at Colorado State 3:00pm ATTSN

I guess let us know what your interest is here if you have one.

Maine at Central Michigan 3:00pm ESPN+

Wait, is Central Michigan the one that had the big OL last year? Who cares.

Miami (Ohio) at Bowling Green 3:00pm ESPN+

Jesus fuck this is a wasteland.

WKU at Ball State 3:00pm ESPN3

I can’t speak for the talent levels but this is an interesting watch if you’re really into offensive schemes.

Charlotte at UMass 3:30pm ES/NESNplus

This is not a heavily advisable watch ‘em up. Only look if you have money on it.

Clemson at Georgia Tech 3:30pm ABC

Interested to see what those crazy refs have in store for this one. I don’t actually know much about Clemson’s LBs but you need to have really good ones against the option. Unless you can just line up 4-3 every play and have your DL in the backfield constantly. We’ll see.

FIU at Miami (FL) 3:30pm ESPN/2/U

Canes twitter has been obsessing over Andre Ware slighting team captain Jaquan Johnson last week by saying he was faking an injury to stop the clock near the end of the first half. Well, Johnson is out this week so that’s a great acting job by the kid. I don’t really care about this controversy but it’s really odd that Butch Davis is coaching a team against The U and getting basically no notice for it.

Gardner-Webb at Appalachian State 3:30pm ESPN+

Oh, hell yeah.

Kansas at Baylor 3:30pm FS1

Not to discourage our collective Kansas fandom but I really like that we’re back to a point where this game is just a matchup of godawful teams.

Kansas State at West Virginia 3:30pm ABC/ESPN/2

If Will Grier is actually good WFV should win by 30.

NC Central at Duke 3:30pm ACCNExtra

I’ve got all my favorite NC Central gear laid out for this one.

NIU at Florida State 3:30pm ESPN/2/U

It’s cool that FSU is still sitting here with like 20 future NFL guys on their roster and they still might plausibly lose to NIU at home.

Texas A&M at Alabama 3:30pm CBS

aTm has good receivers. Stop me if this sounds familiar.

Tulane at Ohio State 3:30pm BTN

Really looking forward to the redemption angle the announcers use for Urban Meyer in this one.

Virginia Tech at Old Dominion 3:30pm CBSSN

Look the games aren’t good, OK? Just better than the last two weeks.

Arizona at Oregon State 4:00pm Pac-12N

He isn’t going to be a Heisman candidate this way but Khalil Tate’s passing stats are actually pretty good.

South Carolina at Vanderbilt 4:00pm SECN

Can Coach Boom go from redeemed to fired in the span of 10 weeks? Yes, he can. Vandy is not bad this year. Or Notre Dame is bad. Hopefully the second one.

UConn at Syracuse 4:00pm ESPNews

Classic matchup of Big East rivals.

TCU at Texas 4:30pm FOX

TCU doesn’t have enough talent or coaching to get past Ohio State this year but you know who they can still beat by 30? Texas.

McNeese at BYU 6:00pm BYUtv

I didn’t watch last week. Did BYU show off their turnover chain or did they just hastily design it after they could have given Paul Chryst a stroke?

North Texas at Liberty 6:00pm ESPN3

UNT had by far the funniest upset of the week last week so it’s nice that they get to beat up Liberty this week as a reward.

Arkansas at Auburn 7:30pm SECN

Maybe Arkansas was just looking ahead last week and they aren’t going to lose by 75 to Auburn this week?

Army at Oklahoma 7:00pm FSOK PPV / SoonerSports.tv

Kyler Murray is really good and Lincoln Riley is really good and neither of those things takes away from how really really good Baker Mayfield is.

Coastal Carolina at Louisiana 7:00pm ESPN+

Thank god this one is in prime time for most of the country.

Florida at Tennessee 7:00pm ESPN

20 years ago this was the most consistently entertaining annual rivalry in college football. Now it’s sort of the opposite of that. But it’s still a brand name, on the main ESPN channel sort of thing somehow to this day.

LA Tech at LSU 7:00pm ESPNU

LSU is liable to still go out and win this game by 7 points or less, just so you know.

Mississippi State at Kentucky 7:00pm ESPN/2/U

Kentucky might really be top 5 in the SEC this year. Understand that for what it’s worth.

NC State at Marshall 7:00pm CBSSN

A huge battle of unbeatens with national championship implications! I assume there will be some sort of strength of schedule ramifications from this game, I mean.

Rice at Southern Miss 7:00pm ESPN+

There is nothing I could tell you about this game that would make me interested in what I was saying.

Texas State at UTSA 7:00pm ESPN+

No Davenport and no Coker makes interest go something something.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State 7:00pm FS1

Without checking I’ll just say bet the over.

Troy at ULM 7:00pm ESPN+

Still traveling through a wasteland here.

UNLV at Arkansas State 7:00pm ESPN3

We’re still 2 years from Armani Rogers getting dark horse NFL draft hype but it’s never too early to say he sucks without ever watching him play.

Michigan State at Indiana 7:30pm BTN

I really believed in Sparty (and Wisconsin) this year. That was a mistake.

New Mexico State at UTEP 7:30pm ESPN3

Now we’re getting into real gambling hours. The line is trending towards NMSU and the over keeps falling. Not sure what to make of either of those things but look for UTEP to spring the big upset in a 5 OT thriller.

East Carolina at USF 8:00pm ESPNews

I feel like the TV info is a mistake. This game has to be on CBS SN, doesn’t it? This pure AAA goodness. Both teams have looked better than expected so far but that doesn’t mean ECU is good. I’d still take them +21.5 if I were betting.

South Alabama at Memphis 8:00pm WMC-TV/ESPN3

I’m not asking for a lot from Darrell Henderson. Just get over 300 yards rushing on less than 20 carries and we’re good.

Stanford at Oregon 8:00pm ABC

This is a top 25 matchup which seems funny. Justin Herbert is the odds-on favorite to be the #1 QB in next year’s draft right now. Oregon still doesn’t defend the run. This could be real entertainment.

Texas Southern at Houston 8:00pm ESPN3

Ed Oliver is really trending towards the Khalil Mack zone where nothing he personally does is going to be enough to make his team’s defense actually good. This is a reference to Mack’s college days but I guess it applies to his time in Oakland, too.

Wisconsin at Iowa 8:30pm FOX

Wisconsin really shook things up by shitting all down their own pants against BYU last week. Nice going, Chryst. Turnover chain your ass, indeed.

Air Force at Utah State 10:15pm ESPN2

Let’s get weird!

Arizona State at Washington 10:30pm ESPN

How’s the Herm Edwards bandwagon holding up? Per the gambling numbers, UDub should win 34.25 to 16.75 but I’d be very surprised if that’s actually the final score.

Eastern Michigan at San Diego State 10:30pm CBSSN

This is the good stuff. SDSU by 100.

Duquesne at Hawaii 11:59pm Spectrum / ATTSN PGH

I don’t know if I get this channel, Attention Pittsburgh but you can believe I’ll watch this game if I do. Could be a true Jack Pardee special here.

#football #college football #saturday post #gambling #degenerate football #tv watch em ups

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funnythingshere0-blog · 6 years

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'I punched him so hard he cried': inside the Street Fighter movie

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/i-punched-him-so-hard-he-cried-inside-the-street-fighter-movie/

'I punched him so hard he cried': inside the Street Fighter movie

It was the early 1990s and every teenager in the world knew about Street Fighter II. Originally released in the arcades and then on the SNES and Mega Drive consoles, the game featured a cast of weird, semi-magical combatants with names like Ryu, Chun-Li and Guile battling it out for victory in the World Fighting Championship. It was colourful, competitive and ridiculous. It sold 15 million copies.

Realising the cinematic potential of the game’s giant brand, publisher Capcom soon dispatched a retinue of execs to Hollywood. Experienced producer Ed Pressman saw the potential immediately and he knew who to call: Steven De Souza, writer of Die Hard and Commando, and before those, TV hits such as The Hardy Boys, The Six Million Dollar Man and Knight Rider. Steven had impeccable action-entertainment experience, and was even working on an animated series, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, for which Capcom had produced a tie-in video game. There was, in Hollywood business parlance, synergy.

Street Fighter: The Movie was not a critical success. On its release in December 1994 – a year after the calamitous Super Mario Bros film – it was derided as another ludicrous cash-in tossed at impressionable kids by cynical Hollywood execs. Reviewers railed against the cardboard characters and fans of the game derided the lacklustre, frenziedly edited fight scenes. However, unlike Super Mario Bros, Street Fighter: The Movie made money (lots of it), and the story of its troubled development is not one of incompetence but of tragic circumstances and drug-fuelled narcissism. And it began, as these things often do, with a frantic meeting.

Released in arcades in 1991, Street Fighter II was a smash hit when it was ported to SNES the following year. The series has made around $10bn in revenue for publisher Capcom.

“Ed and another producer came to me and said: ‘Capcom is going around – can you come up with a take for a movie? They’ll be here the day after tomorrow,’” recalls De Souza of the pitch. “I said: ‘Yeah, I’m very familiar with it – my son had just put his first year of college into that machine.’ I said I’d come up with a treatment, but I wanted to direct.”

De Souza wasn’t interested in making a tournament movie – he wanted something more like a James Bond adventure, with a proper plot and exotic locations. “Unbeknownst to me, Capcom was thinking in this direction,” he says. “When they came to the meeting they brought some artwork to help me, and one image had Bison as the most wanted criminal in the world, in a James Bond-style underground lair. I could see they were energised during our meeting, and within a week they said: ‘You guys are doing it.’”

Seven characters has always been the magic number through history: seven sins, seven wonders, hell, Seven Samurai.

Steven De Souza, writer and director

De Souza started working on his script, imagining Bison as the corrupt dictator of a fictional south-east Asian state, looking to take over the world with an army of genetically modified super soldiers. Guile would be the special forces hero, teaming up with street fighters Ken and Ryu to foil the dastardly plan.

Meanwhile, the producers set up the logistics. There was a modest $30m budget, with a 10-week shoot – six weeks on location in Thailand, followed by four in Australia at the new Warner Bros studio on the Gold Coast. De Souza’s plan was to funnel a portion of the budget into training the actors in martial arts before filming began, calling in the famed fight choreographer, Benny “The Jet” Urquidez to help out.

But then things started to go awry. Capcom decided it needed a big star for Guile and the producers went for Jean-Claude Van Damme – who, after the success of Timecop, was the biggest action movie actor in the world, with a price tag to match. To add some gravitas on the baddie side, the hugely respected character actor Raul Julia was approached to play Bison. He accepted, thanks in part to his kids, who were huge fans of the game. But like Van Damme, he wasn’t coming cheap.

“Now we had a couple of big stars in the cast but less money to make the movie,” says De Souza. “It meant all the other actors had to be really new names. That was fine, but we no longer had the money to hire them in advance for fight training. I said: ‘OK, we’ll film all the ‘people talking in rooms’ scenes early on, and while we’re doing those, the other characters will be off training.’ I thought, we’ll be filming for 10 weeks, so everyone will have three to six weeks of choreography on these fights. That was the plan.”

Jean-Claude Van Damme was the biggest action movie star in the world when he made Street Fighter: The Movie. But he came with a lot of baggage… Photograph: Allstar/MCA/Universal

It wasn’t the only challenge. De Souza had managed to convince Capcom to let him focus on just seven or eight characters from the Street Fighter roster, rather than all 19. “In the 100-odd minutes of the movie, there wasn’t a lot of screen time to go around – do the math,” he says. “Furthermore, the audience can barely keep track of seven characters, which is why it’s always been the magic number through history: seven sins, seven wonders, hell, Seven Samurai.

Midway through the shoot, somebody said: ‘Wait a minute, why is everyone fighting in the same way?’

Byron Mann (Ryu)

“[But] every time I turned in a draft they kept pressing me to add just more character. I would slide somebody in with a couple of lines. Then they’d say: ‘Can’t so-and-so have another scene, he’s very popular in Japan? And by the way what about this character?’”

Capcom was also attempting to meddle in casting – a situation that came to a head with Ryu. De Souza had already cast young Chinese-American actor Byron Mann in the vital role, but Capcom wanted Japanese actor, Kenya Sawada, who barely spoke English. In the end, De Souza reached a bizarre compromise: Sawada was given a cameo as an entirely new character, Captain Sawada, and Mann was Ryu. “I actually met [Sawada] a couple of times while I was going for casting,” recalls Mann. “He gave me some real dagger looks.”

Finally it seemed all the pieces were in place, but a tragic situation was soon to emerge.

One fight in Bangkok

Unknown to anyone on the production, Raul Julia was extremely unwell. Suffering from stomach cancer and undergoing gruelling treatment, he arrived in Bangkok a shadow of his former self. “I got a phone call from our costume consultant,” recalls De Souza. “She’d gone ahead a day before us to meet Raul and she said: ‘We have a problem. He looks ghastly; he’s like a skeleton.’ We thought: ‘Oh god, what are we going to do? We can’t put him on camera.’ We decided to push all of Raul’s scenes to the end of the movie, so he could gain weight and we’d move other things up front. I was putting people on the camera who’d had virtually no fight practice.”

Andrew Bryniarski as Zangief and Peter ‘Navy’ Tuiasosopo as Honda in Street Fighter: The Movie. Photograph: Moviestore/Rex/Shutterstock

Mann, who’d never starred in a movie before, recalls the ensuing difficulties. “We had our trainer, Benny, but he didn’t know what video game fighting actually was – it was all new to him,” he says. “We only found out midway through the shoot that different characters have different styles. Somebody said: ‘Wait a minute, why is everyone fighting in the same way?’”

There’s a scene where Ryu was to engage in a deadly sword fight with Vega (played by Jay Tavare), and Mann was supposed to have been well-drilled in fighting techniques – but the lessons kept being put off. “Then one day I was having lunch, and an assistant director came over to me and said: ‘Hey, are you ready for your knife fight?’ I said: ‘What are you talking about? I don’t know anything about it.’ I went to one of the Thai extras, a stunt guy, and asked him if he could help. On the spot, he taught me what he knew – and that’s what you see in the movie. And it was a bladed sword, it wasn’t plastic. I could have injured myself and others.”

The effects were only supposed to blow a quarter of the temple up, but it got a bit out of hand.

Keith Heygate, first assistant director

At the same time, Bangkok was throwing up some of its own challenges. “There was extreme heat, extreme humidity. We were supposed to be looking buff, but we were all losing weight,” says Mann. “If you watch the movie, we all look a lot bigger in the scenes shot in Australia. The weather was fine, the food was nice – we had all recovered.”

There were unique logistical challenges in Thailand, too. “There was talk of a possible coup, so the military closed all the roads down,” remembers Keith Heygate, the first assistant director on the second unit. “We needed to get the cast, the crew and all this equipment to different locations, so we had to travel by high-speed boats down the khlongs [canals] at 1am in the morning. This went on for 10 days, and these boats kicked up a lot of water, so, by the time we got to the location, the cast and crew were all sodden. Van Damme hated that.”

Better still, some of the big special effects were running away from them. “There was a scene where we blew up a temple,” says Heygate. “The art department built it,” he hastens to add. “The effects were only supposed to blow a quarter of it up but it got a bit out of hand. We had Jean-Claude, Kylie [Minogue, who played Cammy] and a bunch of other actors right outside it as it blew – and the whole thing went up. There was $240,000 of scaffolding and it just melted. But the sequence looked great.”

Even the interior shots were beset with troubles. Local production staff had sourced an old coast-guard building as a sound stage (it’s the building the Allied Nations take over as their HQ in the film), but the hangar had a tin roof – and it was the rainy season. “The noise was staggering,” says De Souza. “And even when the rain stopped, the walls were riddled with holes. It was like a John Woo gunfight had taken place in there – the sunlight would pour in and you couldn’t film anything. Also, I don’t know if it was the rainy season or defective equipment, but we’d be filming and the lights would just go out.

“After 10 days in Bangkok we were six days behind schedule – it was tortuous. The producers said: ‘You’re running behind!’ So I did an old John Ford trick: I just opened the script and ripped a page out and said, there, we’re back on track.”

Ming-Na Wen as Chun-Li in Street Fighter: The Movie. Photograph: Alamy

With scenes being shot in a bewildering sequence or cut entirely, cast members struggled to make sense of their roles. “I didn’t know the character; I didn’t know the video game; I didn’t know what the hell I was doing,” says the veteran Indian actor Roshan Seth, who played Dhalsim.

“I was supposed to be a mad scientist. I thought: What sort of science am I supposed to be doing and what am I mad about?’ There’s a scene where my character has to pull out his hair in anger – they spent all day fitting me with a skull cap so I could literally pull my hair out. I just stopped thinking – they just told me what to do and I followed instructions.”

The Australian actor Robert Mammone was employed to play spec-ops soldier Carlos Blanka, who is captured by Bison and transformed into the green-skinned Blanka we know from the games. He only discovered that a body double was to play the post-transformation scenes when he met him at a cast party before shooting. Mammone still had to do close-ups, though, which meant spending three hours a day in makeup, getting Blanka’s green skin and wild orange hair. Then he’d have to sit around for hours. “I used to take a book with me on to set all the time. I was reading On The Road and I used to discuss it with Steven. In that scene where I’m strapped into the cubical, in between takes, I was made up as Blanka reading Jack Kerouac.”

I told him it was against health and safety to have alcohol on set. From that point on, he hated me

Amid the chaos and uncertainty, the actors did what they could to cope, hanging out in Bangkok bars at night and the gym during the day. “Between me, Vega, Ken [played by Damian Chapa] and Zangief [Andrew Bryniarski], there was a definitely a lot of machismo going on,” says Mann. “This wasn’t Sleepless in Seattle; it was who has the biggest biceps today.”

Ming-Na Wen, who played Chun-Li, and underwent intense weight training in the lead up to the film, remembers it a little differently. “They were all big wussies,” she says, laughing. “I won’t name names, but I got into one of those brother-sister banter relationships with one of the other actors. I remember one day, I punched him so hard he cried. We were just goofing around!”

Van Damme it all

In a cast full of young newcomers and civilised character actors, Jean-Claude Van Damme stood out as the archetypal movie star, with an ego to match. As he later admitted, he also came into Street Fighter with a major cocaine habit. At one stage in the 1990s, he was hoovering 10g a day; and $10,000 a week.

“I couldn’t talk about it at the time, but I can now: Jean-Claude was coked out of his mind,” says de Souza. “The studio had hired a wrangler to take care of him, but unfortunately the wrangler himself was a bad influence. Jean-Claude was calling in sick so much I had to keep looking through the script to find something else to film; I couldn’t just sit around for hours waiting for him. On two occasions, the producers allowed him to go to Hong Kong, and both occasions he came back late – on Mondays he just wasn’t there at all.”

Calling in sick … Jean-Claude Van Damme as Col Guile in Street FIghter: The Movie. Photograph: Allstar/MCA/Universal

Heygate has similar memories. “He was an interesting man, but he was extremely hard to work with – there are a lot of stories I can’t share,” he says. “There was one time he was in the trailer and he was quite pissed. My assistant couldn’t get him out, I couldn’t get him out, so I had to call the producer, Chad Rosen, to get him out. Then he came out with a bottle of a champagne. I told him it was against health and safety to have alcohol on set. From that point on, he hated me.”

The rest of the actors recall a frustrating and bemusing experience. “He had the presidential suite at the hotel, with a gym put into his room,” recalls Seth. “Sometimes he wouldn’t turn up on set – the message would come through from him saying: ‘I have to pump up my muscles!’ and that was that.”

Mammone managed to strike up a better relationship with him. “Van Damme certainly grandstanded around the set – he let everyone know who the star was,” he recalls. “He’d stay in the trailer until he was ready to come out; he’d take up so much time for a shot; scenes that should have only taken an hour could take half a day. But for some reason, perhaps because we played best mates in the movie, he was fine with me. We went to dinner, we hung out, he gave me my first proper Cuban cigar. One day, we were sitting in the makeup chairs and he said to me: ‘Robert, you have the stink of Tony Curtis.’ I think he meant ‘essence’.”

Van Damme has also since confessed to having an affair with co-star Minogue during the filming. Minogue was brought in late when De Souza found he needed an actor to play Cammy, and saw a photo of her on the cover of People magazine while on his flight over to Australia. Whatever the cast and crew thought of Van Damme, they all loved her. “She was a true professional – she was absolutely wonderful,” says Heygate. “During the filming, she actually hired out a club for the cast and crew to have a good time, because it was a tough shoot. She bought all the drinks and everything.” Wen concurs. “We bonded on set because we were the only two girls. We went out for dinner a lot. She is lovely, such a sweet human being.”

Director Steven de Souza saw Kylie Minogue on the cover of a magazine and cast her as Cammy. Photograph: Channel 5

Julia also drew the admiration and respect of his fellow actors. Terribly ill throughout the production, and accompanied by his wife and children – who may have known their time with him was limited – he gave everything he had to the Bison role.

“It was a joy to be on the same set as him,” says Mammone. “He wasn’t a movie star, he wasn’t a celebrity – he was an actor in the true sense of the word. The focus and concentration he maintained are things that I’ve carried with me for the rest of my career. When he stepped on set, he was that character.” Seth, too, has fond memories. “He used to sneak out at night like a tomcat,” he says. “He would go off gambling with a big Havana cigar clenched between his teeth. I thought that was terrifically romantic.”

Re-shoots, re-edits, reviews

When filming ended in Australia, the challenge wasn’t over. Several pages of the script hadn’t been shot, and when De Souza looked at some of the climactic fight scenes, he realised the choreography was patchy and boring. So he re-called several of the stars, set up an identical bunch of sets at a studio in Vancouver and did days of re-shoots.

People say it’s so dimwitted it’s funny, but we knew it was funny

All along, De Souza had been aiming for a PG-13 certificate, holding back on graphic violence in order to get those pre-teen Street Fighter fans into cinemas. “I was confident I’d shot a PG-13 film,” he says. “I had worked in TV for years and the shows I did – like Knight Rider – were considered family entertainment. I knew my way around ratings. But a week before we turned the movie in to the Motion Picture Association of America, there had been a school shooting. They gave it an R rating.

“I said: ‘Listen, we’ll just have to cut back.’ So we took out any places where you saw blood, we submitted it again and it was still an R. Now we started to take out some of the shots where impact was shown. I’m cutting away, cutting it back, back, back, and finally we hand it in – they give it a G rating. That would have been the kiss of death – no teenager wants to see a G movie! So I had Jean-Claude come in for one day and I added a line: ‘Four years of ROTC for this shit.’ That got us back up to PG-13.”

When the film premiered on 23 December 1994, the reviews were savage. The New York Times called it “a dreary, overstuffed hodgepodge of poorly edited martial arts sequences and often unintelligible dialogue”, which summed up the critical consensus.

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With hindsight, however, Street Fighter: The Movie is a charmingly camp and self-consciously silly action flick, offering a fast-cut, colourful and unmistakably early-90s take on video game culture. Much of that “unintelligible dialogue” has slipped into internet legend. There’s Chun-Li’s escape from AN custody (“what a screw up”, “what a woman”); and Van Damme’s confrontation with Simon Callow’s ambassador (“Colonel, have you lost your mind?”, “No, you’ve lost your balls”). And, of course, every single Raul Julia scene, from the moment he complains: “Why do they call me mad? All I want to do is create the perfect genetic soldier,” to the scene where Chun-Li confronts him about murdering her father, and he responds: “For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important of your life. But for me … it was Tuesday”.

“I’ll be perfectly honest, I was a little concerned when I saw the film,” says Wen. “I came from Carnegie Mellon university, I studied seriously as an actor, I did Shakespeare in the theatre. I can look back with fond memories now, but there were some cringe-worthy moments. At the time I was shooting ER and I remember saying to George Clooney: ‘Oh gosh, I think my career might be over.’ He said: ‘Oh honey, it takes a lot to kill a career – I should know.’”

And the careers of the Street Fighter graduates did come out intact. Van Damme recovered from his drug problems and made the staggering postmodern confessional JCVD; Minogue is a superstar; Mann has just starred in Skyscraper with The Rock, and Wen has joined the Marvel universe via Agents of SHIELD. For his part, De Souza, who is cheerful, funny and generous while discussing the movie, is un-self-consciously proud of it. “Jean Claude made two films that earned $100m: Timecop and this one,” he says. “It was extremely profitable for the studio – it cost $33m and made $105m, so it was good for everybody. People say it’s so dimwitted it’s funny, but we knew it was funny.

“How can you see that movie and think it’s funny by accident?”

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/games/2018/jul/16/inside-street-fighter-movie-jean-claude-van-damme-kylie-minogue

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