#this post brought to you by the fact i turned the roomba on and i cleared off my bed and i put away groceries

[mirainawen]

some people can sit around all day. i am not one of those people. i sit around for half a day and i'm like

i'm going to crawl the walls i'm going to chew glass

#even when i am sick #cannot do it. #people deal with some serious depression #and then you ask them what they did with their day and they're like. i sat. on computer. i ate? an sandwich? #and i'm like buddy i'd probably be hating my brain right now too. #mir posting #i wouldn't even have something i want to be doing but keep me off my duff at least have me do SOMETHING. #this post brought to you by the fact i turned the roomba on and i cleared off my bed and i put away groceries #i'm contemplating vacuuming the stairs if my back won't kill me. i cleaned the toilet for pete's sake. #i have zero motivation to be doing any of this btw but if i sit around i will sabotage my mental health out of boredom or something

[banamine-bananime]

the forum werewolf game ever. of all time: day seven

Start reading here!

With the three original wolves voted out and village not being willing to seriously talk about conversion (despite the frankly hilarious fact Sheila being converted has been brought up at least twice as a joke), village is totally lost. Doc sums it up in gif form:

Mod 2 gets back to his midday fanfictions:

"You know Lopez? We don't really hang out a lot." "Yeah, I know. I'm okay with that, Tucker." "I mean since we've both been with interspecies chicks, we should be friends. Freaks of a feather and all." "You got pregnant by an alien in a plan to destroy the universe. Shiela and I love each other. That's totally the same thing." "C'mon man, dish the details, how far have you gotten with Sheila? Did you get into her tread skirt yet?" "..." "You get it? You know what I mean Lopez?" "..." "I'm talking about some bow chicka wow wow!" "Why couldn't a roomba have been born?"

I... don't actually know what Mod 2 meant by "why couldn't a roomba have been born". I'm going to take it as Lopez yearning for fatherhood. I really don't understand what goes on in Mod 2's head most of the time.

Sheila is so deep in her post-conversion depression and incredulity that she's getting away with this that she just straight-up takes pity on village and brings up the possibility of a conversion. Church fights her on this:

LOL. yeah. she sure does.

Sheila, like a liar:

People continue to mill around in confusion and get distracted and off-topic to the point of mass modkill threats.

The Meta, now yet another treestump, chimes in ("wolves are the best village sux whooo"):

Lopez translates, completely incorrectly, and no one corrects him:

Donut suddenly starts screaming that Andy needs to die RIGHT NOW:

This isn't how the bomb ability works, and good god, should this player ever know that after how many years he's played.

I'm sure people will take this outburst well.

Andy:

Sheila - NO WEREWOLFING WHILE DRIVING WHAT ARE YOU DOING GIRL:

Lopez:

Suspicion starts getting thrown around at both Donut and Andy. Donut tries to take the heat off himself by revealing his seer ability, but has to admit he hasn't gotten any results from it.

Church:

Donut then has to sheepishly explain his forgot to do it -> forgot to do it -> blocked track record.

Donut and Andy duke it out. Donut:

Andy:

Village is thoroughly distracted by this fight and entirely forgets to worry about "if there were a conversion, who would wolves have chosen to convert?" RIP village.

Wait! Lopez is thinking about it:

Damn shame everyone ignores him.

Tucker is on a camping trip probably stuck in a desert temple somewhere, and therefore completely absent from the thread.

Vote closes.

Donut (2) - Andy, Sheila Andy (3) - Grif, Donut, Lopez Lopez (1) - Doc

(the no teamkills mechanic got turned off once the roster was too small. However - I think more out of habit than anything - the Reds still tried to kill Blues and the Blues still tried to kill Reds. Shakes my head fondly. What freaks. They know the teams are meaningless but they're still ride or die for them.)

Mod:

Just kidding.

Next: night 7

#red wwersus blue

[langernameohnebedeutung]

You mentioned Meredith Vickers from Prometheus in blorbo post and HOLY SHIT, you've thrown me right back in the blorbo trenches. I watched that movie to kill time, and came out of gnawing at my own flesh about (im)perfect daughter (im)perfect son subtext... like, god THIS was my Succession long before Succession graced our screens. I have So Many Blorbo Feelings about her! Please share yours as well

!! But exactly this! Yes!

The thing is, there is this really big focus on the dysfunctional relationship between Weyland and David - but most of the time when I engage with the fandom, Vickers is kind of reduced to this secondary bully when really, she's also a deeply wounded person and her relationship to Weyland and her trauma are at least as complex. Even on the more redditor-side of fandom, I've heard a thousand times "why does it matter that Weyland is her father, how is this an important reveal" and this just tells me that they never noticed her as a character, never really engaged with her as anything other than a plot-device. But if you pay attention to her, to her actions, to her rivalry with David - then finding out that she's Weyland's daughter makes all of that fall into place.

There is this really interesting theme where she tries to be as inhuman as possible - immediately doing push-ups after waking from cryosleep while everyone else is puking their guts out, the deleted scene where she is disgusted/annoyed by Janek's little christmas tree, the flamethrower scene, even her clothing and style at the beginning of the movie - which is why Janek asks her if she's a robot, too, but she's deeply offended by the notion (by the way, I once thought about this one AU idea where it turns out that she is, in fact, a robot, and it is kind of a controlled experiment on Weyland's part and she gets away at the end either with Janek or Shaw and she has to work through that).

Like...literally, she is so fascinatingly robotic at times:

She just desperately wants to be good enough, strong enough to be recognised as a human being and a person (and I think this is also a relevant theme about womanhood, the idea of her trying to be recognised as a person, as a child, as an equal to her "brother", of working harder than your male peers just to be taken seriously, acting colder than them to be taken seriously...)

Generally, despite the grand themes, they really break down to an abusive family situation where both children blame each other and envy each other instead of realising that their parent is neglecting and mistreating them both (Though I think David is less caught in than loop, I just don't think it makes as much difference in his books) But also, there is this one deleted scene where she tells David that "these idiots are about to infect my ship🙄🙄🙄🙄" and I loved this moment where they actually formed a small in-group in her eyes, them vs. the idiots...) Also, I like that as I mentioned, her clothing and style is very "robotic" at the beginning, but you can actually see her look become more "human" as the film progresses and I love that too. (Also I love that David actually plays up his own android-ness when he wants to annoy her like 'cup of tea, ma'am?' after she threatened to kill him. Really making her feel like she just yelled at a roomba). I actually believe that because of her resentment of David, she actually comes close to seeing him as a person - because resenting a device would be pointless - but that idea itself is insane and she would sound insane if she brought it up. So she is stuck working side by side with her fucking nemesis who can always hide behind being a fucking machine. Even stuff like David's obsession with Lawrence of Arabia or dying his hair - for everyone else, that's just a funny robot quirk but for her, it's probably maddening as hell. Especially because she doesn't know if he's doing it on purpose or whether she's starting to imagine things. Especially when he's clearly aware of this and can dial it up and down on purpose when he's feeling vindictive)

And then there is her relationship with Weyland. For one, you have the distance between the two of them. Weyland doesn't mention that she is his daughter in the big recorded hologram speech - he only talks about David (and how soulless he is). She literally has a different last name (is she married? were her parents not married? did she take on a different name to step out of his shadow? In fact, even that she is on board is really telling because if she was his heir, you would assume that she wouldn't accompany such a risky, potentially one-way mission, thereby risking the company legacy)

There is so much resentment between Weyland and her - but also, I genuinely believe that she loves her father (unlike David, who is just programmed to obey him - but who Weyland actually talks to and confides in instead of her). We know Weyland has this extreme god-complex where he wants to be a creator and he wants to archieve godhood for humans - for himself - by showing the Engineers everything he has accomplished and that they should give him immortality in return when he's already dying. And then you have Vickers reminding him that "A king has his reign and then he dies" - in a way, she is his reminder of humanity, his memento mori (his human daughter). She is the only person in the universe who can give him her honest opinion, actually freely criticise him - but at the same time, that only causes him to push her away further because he cannot stand that. She sees him as human and she's the only person who cares about him as a human, as her human father, but because he tries to erase that part of himself and become god, she has to watch him destroy himself and take them all with him. For Weyland, creating David was a crowning moment for him, for the entire human species. That was the moment THEY created life and became equals with the Engineers. And as his daughter, she cannot live up to that, no matter how much power and success she has and now much tea David has to pour for her.

I just think she's neat, okay 😭

#prometheus #fandom

[writingrose29]

Two Birds (2/?)

Pairings: Steven Grant x Fem!Reader; Marc Spector x Fem!Reader; Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader (Slowburn, Post-Moon Knight)

Summary:  A small family reunion that goes as well as expected

TW/CW: Family Dysfunction, Implied Suicide, Wade Wilson, Language

Word Count: 6124

Read On: Ao3

Previous Chapter: A Death in The Family

Next Chapter: Déjà Vu

Two Birds Masterlist

Alessandra fought the urge to collapse on her bed the moment she returned back to her apartment. It was moments like these that she remembered why she hated traveling and socializing. It really took too much energy from her.

Or perhaps it was her new mental blocks draining her, or the onset of withdrawals, or the fact her goddamn phone wouldn't stop ringing.

Either way, she was exhausted.

It didn't help that she was the scene where she was greeted to Lou attempting to throttle Wade Wilson, who was taunting him on top of their kitchen counter in his Captain America onesie. That would explain why she sensed his very unique mind from a block away.

Alessandra blinked several times, expecting the scene to dissolve each time she shut her eyes. It didn't. Instead she was greeted with a headache.

"Wilson?" Her voice caught both their attention.

"Al Al, my pal Al!" Wilson greeted gleefully, a wide smile on his heavily scarred and burned face.

"Wilson…what are you doing here?" She glanced at the bloated suitcase beside the counter, one riddled with duct tape and bullet holes. "You brought your suitcase?"

Wade nodded, "Of course sweetie, could you call off your rabid roomba now?"

I'm going to wring his neck

"Lou," she sighed, kicking the door shut behind her.

Why is he here?

"House sitting," she turned to Wilson who was sitting with his legs dangling off the counter, "You do know you don't have to stay here right?"

"How else would the house be sat?"

Alessandra shrugged, "Eh."

Eh? You can't possibly trust this maniac in our house

"He was going to end up crashing here anyways."

Wade nodded, "Tu casa es mi casa."

Alessandra opened her mouth before closing it. Wade was Wade, no use in arguing against him. She glanced at Lou who, despite being a robot, also seemed to accept that this was their fate. Their apartment was at the mercy of one of her most unstable friends.

"We have an hour and thirty to get to the train station."

I'm grabbing my suitcase

She could hear the resignation.

"Just make sure everything is how we left it," she sighed. Her eyes widened quickly as she snapped her fingers, "Oh, and watch over Sir. Bartholomew Marx the 4th and friends. Guard those little devils with your life Wilson, I swear to God."

Wade looked at her with wide eyes, "Oookay princess. Scout's honor. And what exactly is uh Sir-"

"Local alley cats. I think we collected a colony of them by now."

Wade scoffed, "Of course you would collect a bunch of furry Edward Scissorhands."

"I mean it Wilson, if anything happens to those cats or my place I will make you wish that you can die."

Wade stared at her for a few moments, slowly leaning towards her. "Daddy likes it when you talk dirty," he nearly purred, a perverted smile glued on his face.

Alessandra rolled her eyes, grabbing and then smacking him with the pile of ungraded essays. "These are for Logan."

"Ah good ol Wolverine, you think if I toss some sal-"

"Lalalala, not listening," Alessandra swiftly cut him off. Before either him or her could say anything, her phone once again started ringing.

With an irritated huff, she pulled out the phone noticing the same caller ID that has been calling her since she left the Mansion.

She went to turn her phone back off but paused, instead she just waited for her ringtone to stop.

"Oh you naughty bitch. You screen calls?'

Alessandra rolled her eyes, heading towards her room instead of responding.

"Hey…have you been ignoring my calls? All my extremely important life or death calls?"

"Is it really life or death when you can't die?"

She closed her down behind her as she heard his offended gasp echo in the apartment.

Alessandra looked at her suitcase that was left open on top of her bed and nearly filled the brim with clothing that was just thrown in. At least Lou actually tried to pack for her to the best of his capabilities. Maybe she should see if Hank could give him actual hands, fingers and all.

She moved to start reorganizing the mess before pausing as her eyes glanced under the bed. Tapping her foot on the floor, she sighed as she dropped to the floor and reached underneath the bed where the springs were located. Swiftly she managed to release the briefcase she had hid under there and bring it out.

With her fingers slightly trembling, she unlocked it to reveal the empty briefcase. Humming, she placed the paperwork Erik gave her on top before pressing down to open the false bottom of the case. There inside were the four remaining doses of the proto-cure Hank had created.

His words played in her mind as she stared at the large needle. She could just mail it to him, shit maybe just flush it down the toilet. Yet she couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead kept the doses inside, placed the top back over it followed by her laptop and locked the briefcase, placing it on top of her clothing.

She wasn't going to use them. It was just safer if they were with her. She'll return them to Hank when she gets back.

She repeated the mantra as she started organizing her suitcase.

Maybe then she will fully believe her own words.

Well, I've been afraid of changin'

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

Her ringtone went off once again. Alessandra looked at caller ID, her finger gently tracing the name before she swallowed her pride and picked up.

Silence met her on the other side of the line until a soft voice spoke up. "I wasn't expecting you to pick up," Valerie said.

"Neither was I." How long has it been since she heard her voice? The sound of it nearly brought tears to her eyes, oh how she missed it.

"I…" Valerie took a deep breath, "I heard about your dad-adoptive dad," she corrected herself, "I wasn't sure whether to give you condolences or congratulations."

Alessandra's lip twitched upward as she continued to focus on packing.

"Is that why you called?" After almost four years of silence? Of it feeling like you never existed in the first place.

"Can't I check in on you?"

She zipped up the suitcase, pressing on knee down to make it easier. "After everything?"

"Yes. I…you know I still care about you right?" Valerie's voice grew stronger. Yet Alessandra couldn't find herself to respond. She shouldn't care about her, not after what she put her through. It seemed that her silence was enough.

"God Anns-"

"I'm sorry," the words left her mouth like vomit. Why did she pick up?

"What? Why are you apologizing?"

Alessandra shrugged, even knowing she couldn't see it. "I…I feel that after everything that I should. Right?"

Valerie didn't respond, forcing Alessandra to suffer in the thick awkward silence that she had created.

"Have you started therapy?" Valerie asked instead.

"Yeah," the bitter lie fell off her tongue.

"Good, I'm glad. I hope it is helping you find peace."

Alessandra was almost positive she didn't buy it either.

Valerie sighed, "Despite how things ended, I do miss you you know. I miss us."

Alessandra smiled at her words, "We were good together," she agreed, "For a while."

"For a while," Valerie concurred.

"You still shovel bumming?"

"Mmhmm," Valerie hummed, "Actually I have a new dig to get to. I just wanted to check in with you."

"Thanks," Alessandra said softly.

"It's nothing. And, remember that if you need to talk, you could give me a call. Or don't if well…"

"I'll think about it. It was…it was nice hearing from you Val."

"You too Anns."

She hung up the phone, her smile slowly disappeared from her face. Even after all the lies and deceit, Valerie still showed her compassion instead of contempt. Something that she was unworthy of, it was a fact she never managed to escape from.

Alessandra grabbed her luggage and exited her room and shoved open Lou's room with her foot.

Lou's room was less of a bedroom and more of a storage room filled with different electronic devices. Despite losing his body, his ability as a natural hacker stayed with him. Though, his mutation of manipulating computers probably helped.

"Ready to head out?" Her voice drew his attention as his body rotated around.

This is dehumanizing

Alessandra only nodded her head, she wasn't going to argue against the truth. It wasn't fair that he had to box himself up, but it wasn't like he could saunter onto any vehicle the way he was and not cause a scene.

"I'm sorry mate," she meant every word.

Swiftly he cubed himself, allowing Alessandra to place him in his portable container and zip him up, hiding his metallic body behind the leather

To anyone else it would look like she was wheeling an oddly shaped backpack.

It was time to return back to her own personal hell. Truly a joy.

It seemed the universe had some pity on her as the ride to the train station was peaceful. Now she was just going through the lists, trying to pull up any information that she could as the train made its way to Philadelphia.

Alessandra had already booked the hotel room, deciding to play it safe and book the room for a month. Lou could yell at her later.

Now she was just staring at her laptop with tired eyes as she went through several google searches involving mutant re-education centers. It was to the point where it was jarring to stumble upon multiple archaeological dig sites in Egypt. Sadly, it seemed that the information was tightly sealed as every site she stumbled upon merely regurgitated the same niceties of vague information.

That was of course when the names from the list brought anything up. Several names were repeated dead ends, even though they sounded familiar. The one that was bugging her the most was the statement of R. B-SMSWC. Something about it nagged at her, to the point where she was close to turning her computer off in frustration.

Thankfully, another distraction hit her as her phone started vibrating.

Ollie: Are you two heading to the airport?

Alessandra let out a deep breath, closing her laptop and shoving the files underneath it.

Alessandra: Flying over tomorrow

She sent the text quickly before double checking her email. Yes, Xavier worked his miracles and got them the flight.

Ollie: ??

Alessandra: heading over to Philly

Ollie: why

Alessandra: to say goodbye

Ollie: bs, talk when u r here. Ki n I will get everything set up ig. Lmk when ur at the airport

Alessandra: kk

She clicked off her phone, tapping the pullout table.

She was far too tired to deal with any of this. God she couldn't wait for all of this to be over.

Alessandra had thought she would be ready to face the hellhole she ended up living in. Yet as she stood outside the imposing giant mansion, a gaudy building compared to the condominiums that surrounded it, she almost felt ill. For a brief moment she thought she was going to puke, yet to her relief she didn't.

Maybe she'll be lucky and it will be deserted.

She knocked on the door only for it to swing open, revealing Josef. Tall and built like a tank, it seemed some things never changed. His dirty blonde hair was still short, cut in almost a militaristic style, his green eyes stared at her in surprise.

"Sofia wasn't bullshitting when she said you stayed," she mused, resting her suitcase beside her.

Josef shrugged, eyeing her warily. "Dad wanted someone to watch over the house until he came back."

She ah'd, nodding her head. "Well, how did that work out for you? When did father dearest jump the pond?"

"...around seven or eight years ago."

She let out a low whistle, patting him lightly on the shoulder. "Always the lapdog Joey." She ducked under his arm, making her way into the mansion.

Even after all these years, it hasn't changed.

"And why are you here? One of the few I would expect to not even bother."

She removed her backpack, opening it up to take out the metallic container. "Still my home as well big boy." She turned the center button, allowing the machine to unfold revealing Lou.

"Oh hey Louie," Josef greeted lightly.

Hey Jojo

"He said hi," Alessandra said as she glanced around the entry room. The grand staircase rested in front of her, leading up to the first of multiple levels of the house. If she looked to the side of the staircase, she would be greeted by the door that led to hell.

The entry room was still vast and mostly empty, no photographs hung on the wall. It just led to multiple doors which led to multiple rooms and so on. Very impersonal and cold, just like him.

"Still haven't gotten him some type of voice box?"

Yeah, when is that happening?

"Oh, he doesn't want one." Alessandra started to make her way down the left hallway, where his office door awaited her at the very back.

Fuck you Al

She rolled her eyes, ignoring him.

"Uh actually," Josef placed his hand on her shoulder, the strength of his grip forcing her still. "Small family meeting in the family room."

It was her turn to be surprised.

"Family meeting? Who else is here?"

"Sofia, Sami, and Allen."

Alessandra winced when she heard Sami's name. "Great," she sighed as she followed him into the family with Lou trailing behind her, "Let's get this over with."

The family room was as untouched as the rest of the house seemed to be. If he hadn't already confirmed it, she would've had a hard time believing that he was locked away in here for the past seven years.

Allen was at the bar, fixing himself a drink with a blunt in hand. His messy dark auburn hair was unevenly cut, as if he went at it with a pair of kindergarten scissors. Considering how he accidentally butchered her hair when they were kids, she wouldn't be surprised. Sofia was resting on the couch, her green scales sticking out against the worn brown leather of the couch while her black hair fanned out against the arm rest. Sami was standing, his back upright and rigid, as he stared at the two memorial portraits of Isaac and Aria.

It was only when Josef closed the door behind them did their presence catch their attention.

"Oh hey Al 2.0, Louie, my favorite roboto, welcome to the party," Allen waved a bottle of booze in the air, his voice slightly slurred.

"I think I should be considered 1.0 now given that I am now the older Al." She walked towards him, taking a seat on one of the bar stools.

"Hey," he poured the whiskey in the glass, "by a technicality."

"I'm taking those five years."

Allen slid the glass to her, she nodded her head in thanks.

"What are you doing here?" Sami said, his dark brown eyes narrowing at her. She flipped him off as she took a large sip of her drink.

"It is nice to see you again Andy, Lou," Sofia spoke up, her voice loudly overtaking Sami. "I wish we were able to meet up in Chicago."

Alessandra merely shrugged, eyeing her drink as Allen took a seat beside her, nudging her leg with his foot.

"Nice dress, the color brings out green in your eyes," she muttered. Allen smiled widely, taking a sip from the whiskey bottle.

"What are you doing here?" Sami repeated, "You're fine Lou," he added quickly.

"I can be asking you the same thing, not like you were a fan of the old bastard," she responded dryly.

"Sam, enough," Sofia snapped before he could open his mouth again.

He ignored her, "You made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with us."

Alessandra scoffed, resting her drink on the bar counter as she leaned back. She could hear Allen slide the drink away from her and Sofia sigh.

"Oh so deciding to go to college instead of joining your fucking vigilante group or staying in this fucking mansion like a guard dog means I deserted the family? What about Allen, shit what about Ollie and Kiara?"

"That's different and you know it."

Alessandra gaped at him, throwing her hands in the air, "The fuck-?"

"Okay, okay," Josef said, "Let's all-"

"Shut up Josef," Sami and Alessandra snapped at him causing Allen to snicker slightly as he inched away from her.

"You left us. You fucking left, you changed your name, stole Louis, and never looked back. Only gave a slight shit when the blip happened only to vanish again after-," he paused, whatever words he was going to speak died and instead he let out a harsh laugh, "Only to contact Sofia and I after the shitshow you did in Chicago."

Sami, shut up

"Oh fuck off Sami. I moved on with my goddamn life, I moved on past all of this shit. Sorry that you are too fucking pathetic to do that same."

"Alessandra," Sofia warned.

"What? It's the fucking truth. All this shit you do Sami is just a pathetic way to justify what the old bastard did to us. But guess what Sami, it is time to grow the fuck up and move on with your life."

"Oh," his voice was cold, "Just like all those jobs you helped Magneto with? Or how about fucking Chicago," he stalked closer to her, "You know what those kids called you? A fucking demon, a chaotic fucking force destroying everything in its goddamn path. Just like fucking Pristina," he pointed at the two portraits as he spat the words at her like the daggers he favoured back when they were kids.

"Woah okay that's enough," Allen said loudly while Sofia yelled at him to shut up and Josef went to yank him away from her.

Alessandra gritted her teeth together, her glare sharpening at him as she felt tears beginning to form. With a deep breath she flexed her hand.

Stop breathing

Sami stumbled backwards, his eyes wide and hazy as his hands went to his throat as he started clawing helplessly.

Alessandra stared at him cooly as he fell to his knees, his mouth opened slightly as he silently gasped for air.

"Enough Alessandra," Sofia demanded, grabbing her arm, "That's enough."

Alessandra rolled her eyes, releasing her control allowing Sami to finally gasp for air.

"Fuck this," she muttered as she grabbed her drink and shoved herself off the stool. She threw a nasty look at Sami, who was still regaining his breath on his knees, as she walked past him and Sofia.

"Wait what-" Josef went to block the exit, "Family meeting Alessandra."

She let out a fake laugh, "About what Josef? The bastard is dead, the funeral is happening in England. What else is there to discuss?"

Josef gaped at her, glancing at the rest of the group before returning to her. "Uh well, I was going to suggest a vote on whether we should commission a memorial portrait and maybe even a statue like he did for Aria and Isaac."

Alessandra stared at him blankly before turning around to see the equally bemused faces of Allen, Sofia, and Sami while Lou merelt displayed a question mark.

"Josef, you can't hold a vote when we aren't all here, and you do know those aren't memorial portraits or a memorial statue right? Pretty sure he commissioned those and the statues to memorialize our failures."

Josef stared at her in confusion, "Why would you say that?"

She raised her eyebrows and threw the group a "Can you believe this shit" look which Allen drank to, Sofia winced at, and Sami returned.

"Uh probably cuz he said 'Let this be a reminder of how your failure is responsible for their deaths and a reminder of what happens when you let your weakness win.'"

Josef winced, averting his eyes to the ground.

"Oh, don't forget what he said about Charlie 'His life should be as forgotten as his death for allowing himself to be consumed by his own failures'," Sami chimed in, now resting on the couch opposite to the one Sofia had been resting on.

Josef didn't respond and Alessandra couldn't fault him. While all three of their siblings' deaths affected them when they were younger, Charlie's death hit differently, harder. The fact they weren't even allowed to speak his name or reference anything about him didn't help.

His suicide may have killed him the first time, but their adoptive father wished to kill him a second time.

Alessandra nodded in agreement with Sami, she glanced at him and he merely nodded his head in return.

"Now," she turned her attention back to Josef, "Are you going to move or do I have to force you?"

Josef moved out of the way.

Alessandra nodded, taking another sip of the whiskey as she walked past him and made her way to Beaumont's office.

His office was cold, both in appearance and temperature. Compared to the rest of the house it was freezing. It was a simple type of office, a simple desk with multiple drawers, a large and filled up bookcase behind it, and two chairs. One for him and one for the poor kid who was getting a verbal lashing. It was, after all, the only time they were allowed in.

Now all she had to do was find any accounting records, if he even kept them here.

If he was making Josef stay in this god forsaken house, he had to be hiding something.

Alessandra looked through each drawer, only to be greeted with nothing.

With a frown she started knocking around the drawers, trying to hear if anything was hollow.

She paused as she felt a familiar presence come closer to her. Allen's mind was always one that stood out to her, she figured it was due to the drugs.

"Nothing of worth is here," he sighed, "Trust me I checked."

"Trying to find things to pawn off?"

"You'd be surprised how hard it is to keep a drug habit in this economy."

Alessandra smiled slightly, poking her head up to see Allen leaning against the door frame.

"Capitalism baby," she teased as she gently knocked on the bottom of the desk, smiling when she heard a hollow thud.

"You look…rather sober."

"Getting a PhD gave me something else to focus on I guess."

He glanced at her glass of whiskey.

"Bitch it was NA not AA."

Allen looked at her before nodding, "Touché Al 2, Touché."

"Have you checked the bookcase?"

He raised an eyebrow, stumbling towards her.

"The bookcase?"

Alessandra nodded, pressing up on the bottom of the desk, releasing the the wooden bottom gently.

"Ya, you know like in the movies where if you pull out one book it triggers the bookcase to move."

He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, "You don't think?"

"He had that vibe."

Allen looked at her and back at the bookcase. It only took him several moments before yanking each book slightly.

She smiled as she went under the desk, shoving her hand inside the hollow desk only for her hand to brush against what felt like a book.

Bingo.

Quickly she grasped the leather book, yanking it out of its hiding place before replacing the bottom up the desk.

"Why did you come in here?" She asked him, silently hiding the book in one of the larger pockets of her coat.

"Wanted to check in on you," he muttered as he went down another row of books, "Plus Sam and Josef were getting into it."

Alessandra hummed, "Guess we all didn't grow up that much."

Allen laughed, "All a bunch of fuck ups here."

Alessandra patted his back, "Good luck with that."

He merely hummed as he continued to check each book.

Alessandra wandered aimlessly around the mansion, avoiding certain rooms (most rooms really). She never thought she would be back here, and here she was. Too scared to even enter the basement, too ashamed to go back to the family room to face the portraits of Aria and Isaac or the disappointed look Sofia would probably have.

Instead she found herself outside a room that made her eyes tear up. She should walk away, pretending she didn't find herself standing outside his room. But she couldn't. Instead she opened the door, dust quickly greeting her face causing her to sneeze.

Adrian's room was coated in dust, something he would've hated and complained endlessly about. The multiple world maps and maps of famous archaeological sites were still attached to the wall as well as the drawings he did of his favorite gods and mythological heroes. She didn't dare to take another step inside, it felt wrong to. As if she was intruding on his personal space. Even if he couldn't care anymore.

She could see the multiple history and mythology books he collected, though she was unable to read them given the layers of dust on them.

Alessandra wondered if his daughter liked mythology as much as he did.

"Hey there Andy," Sofia's voice spoke out.

Alessandra jumped slightly, her head turning towards the mental vibrations only to see Sofia removing her camouflage.

"Hey Sof," she greeted, before staring back inside his room.

Sofia walked closer to her, standing opposite of her, "This is the first time I've been in here..since…"

Alessandra nodded, her body feeling heavy the longer she stood in his room. As if the stale air was suffocating. As suffocating as the smoke and ash .

"Yeah, don't blame you for that." She breathed in deeply, trying to calm her racing heart yet all she could smell was that smell. The charness, the wretched stench of burning flesh.

With a wince she closed the door and walked away, Sofia following her.

"Do you-should we host another funeral? For him? Now the rest are back."

Alessandra looked at her with soft eyes and shrugged. "I wouldn't be against it," she admitted, "He deserves more than the old man."

"He does," Sofia agreed, "Just don't let Josef hear you say that."

"Why are you playing into his delusion? It can't possibly be healthy for him?"

Sofia shrugged, "Maybe it is better for him to believe a gentle lie compared to the poisonous truth. We all came out of it differently, give him time."

Alessandra sighed and nodded her head, "He is going to crash and burn when reality hits him," she warned her.

Sofia nodded, "And I'll be there to help him. We all will."

Alessandra bit her lip, unsure what to say. Instead she silently nodded.

"Are you going to spend the night?"

Alessandria reluctantly nodded, "Didn't want to but the flight is out of Philly's international airport."

Sofia nodded, "I'm here if you need to talk about anything."

She scrunched her nose, what was with people and saying that? Alessandra nodded her head and started to walk away to the one safe place she knew.

"Oh and Alessandra."

She paused, turning her head towards Sofia.

"Those children are alright now. You saved their lives."

Alessandra nodded, a weak smile on her lips as she walked away from Sofia. Despite her reassurance, she couldn't get Sami words out of her mind. It was one thing hearing them from Beaumont, but it stung more from Sami.

Guess certain things from the past stay the same.

She made her way to the sixth floor, spotting the attic door on the ceiling. Calmly she walked on the wall, making her way to the ceiling to yank down the attic stair.

Once she was up there, Alessandra debated whether to pull the stairs back up or not.

She pulled the stairs up. After everything that had happened, she wanted some alone time.

The attic was the one safe place for all of them when they were younger. It was their little getaway from all the bullshit and torture Beaumont put them through. The cushions and pillows were still there, even those they were covered in dust and most likely cobwebs. The small rectangular window still had a great view of the sky.

It was the closest place that felt like home, like safety.

She passed the old record player, taking a seat next to the wall near the center of the room.

Alessandra pulled out the book, both pleased and disappointed when she realized what it was. While it wasn't an accounting dossier, she did recognize it as the leather journal he would religiously write in during training.

She opened it up, skipping to the thickest pages only to be greeted with a profile of her and the rest of her siblings. Each profile contained information of their mutation, birth parents, birth place, their training and development, and even where he got them from.

Alessandra frowned as her eyes went over each facility he bought them from, the names ringing a bell in her head. She knew for a fact she had seen these names before, it just wasn't coming to her at the moment.

Each one of them came from a different center and different ages.

Alessandra continued to skim through each section before coming to her's. It was almost as if she could hear his voice with insults and scorn in the words. Her eyes narrowed at the words unstable, chaotic that were underlined.

She slammed the book shut, placing it back within the coat pocket. Reading that was not what she needed.

Slowly she rested her head on the wall, her eyes scanning the room before focusing on a box next to the old vinyl records beside the record player.

Alessandra walked over before sitting down on her knees beside the simple brown box.

She lifted up the lid, peering inside the dust covered box. A soft smile grew on her face when she recognized the old polaroid photographs inside. Gently Alessandra picked the stack up, rubbing the dust off the glossy photo.

She vaguely remembered that night, how they had gone to the tiny 24/7 diner before relaxing here in the attic. The usual routine when their father would leave them for a couple weeks.

They all had to be around thirteen to seventeen in the photo, given that both Aria, Isaac, and Charlie were still alive at the time.

Her legs were resting on Ollie's lap, allowing her to paint her toenails with a very serious expression on her face. Her pale blonde hair in a loose bun on top of her head as she held the nail polish above one of her toes.

Alessandra smiled and wavered slightly when she noticed how her younger self rested her back against Adrian's side. They looked so content back then. His eyes were closed as he rested his head on top of her, his long wavy dark hair like an inky waterfall against her face.

He was humming to the music, she could remember how the vibration made her smile.

Allen, Louis, and Isaac were huddled up in a circle, all staring at the stack of cards in front of them. Louis, who was flesh and bone instead of metal and wires. It was then did she realize she was forgetting what he used to look like, how he had short dark hair and pale olive skin. The fact brought bitterness to her mouth.

Alessandra glanced at the cards. They must've been playing Egyptian War, yet her memory was fuzzy from the booze and pot from that day. However looking back at it, the layout seemed to fit her fuzzy memory.

A short exhale of amusement escaped her when she noticed Allen's grip on his bong, as if he was worried one of them would steal it from his grasp.

On the other side of the room, near the record player, Aria, Sofia, and Kiara sprawled out on the floor, a lit joint in Aria's hand. It seemed like she was going to pass it to Kiara when the photo was captured. Kiara rested her head on Sofia's scaly lap, allowing her to braid her hair while her bare feet were planted on the floor. To feel the vibrations, Alessandra noted. Sofia's eyes seemed to be locked on Josef who was wrestling with Sami. Both of the boys were close to breaking into the card game circle.

They eventually did, if she was remembering correctly. Nearly broke Allen's bong while they were at it. Isaac was pissed, he was so close to winning.

As she strained her eyes, Alessandra managed to notice Charlie who was smiling widely in the reflection of the mirror as he took the photo.

Alessandra sighed, moving the old photograph away from her face to allow herself to glance around the attic. She could remember how her, Adrian, and Ollie were the first ones to dance to "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA the moment they heard the first note come on. How everyone quickly joined in.

She missed those nights. How they were filled with laughter and a sense of peace. How it was a break from the nightmares that arrived in the morning. It was during those times where it really seemed that at the end of it all, everything was going to be okay.

It was a nice dream while it lasted.

Alessandra glanced back at the stack of photos in her hand and to the box. She decided to pocket them instead, to bring a reminder of something good.

Slowly she made her way to the old record player, blowing some of the dust off. She glanced around, finding the record sleeves that seemed to be untouched after all these years.

She flicked through, her fingers landing on the one album she had been looking for. Gently she took out the vinyl, setting it in the record player. She pressed the on button, allowing the music to flower from the old speaker.

She swayed slightly as "Take a Chance on Me" started playing. For a moment it felt like she was back in the attic at thirteen years old.

It was only halfway through the song that she realized she wasn't alone. How Josef, Allen, Sofia, Louis, and Sami had joined her. Dancing with the ghosts of their past with gentle smiles on each of their faces (or screen if you were Louis).

Lou and Alessandra found themselves in one of the many spare rooms within the house. She couldn't bring herself to go into her old room, not right now.

Lou was looking at the window while she moved her suitcases away from the door.

Today went as well as expected

"Never a dull day with us."

Never. Though you didn't need to suffocate Sami.

"He started it," she muttered, placing her briefcase on top of the suitcase.

How old are we all?

"Oh stuff it." She moved to the desk that rested across from the bed, taking a seat as she pulled out the book.

What's that?

"Midnight reading."

He didn't respond, she didn't care.

"Uh knock knock," Allen said as he opened the door.

Alessandra looked at him, "Everything good?"

Allen nodded, shifting his eyes around the room, "Peachy keen," he muttered, "But uh, slumber party?"

She looked at him, his eyes avoiding her's. "Yeah, you can take the bed. I'm not getting any sleep tonight."

Allen nodded, jumping on the bed. "I don't blame you, I feel like his decrepit ghost is haunting the halls."

Alessandra snorted, "I wouldn't be surprised."

She tapped on the book, glancing at the facility Sofia had been taken from. Where had she seen that stupid name?

She froze, her eyes widening. Quickly Alessandra grabbed her briefcase and unlocked it, pulling out the files containing the lists. She scanned through each one until she found it.

Saint Lucia and James Mutant Re-Education Center.

"Is everything okay?" Allen asked.

Alessandra nodded absent-mindedly as she started going through each facility they came from. Each one also appeared on the list of companies owned or funded by the Essex Corporation.

She finally got to her profile, unsurprisingly to see that he also took her from an Essex owned center. However, as she scanned the rest of her section she paused when she read a name she hadn't seen before.

Who the hell was Nathaniel Essex, and why did Beaumont want her away from him?

#steven grant x reader #marc spector x reader #jake lockley x reader #steven grant/reader #marc spector/reader #jake lockley/reader #steven grant x you #marc spector x fem!reader #jake lockley x fem!reader #marc spector x you #jake lockley x you #steven grant x fem!reader #moon knight x reader #moon knight fanfiction

[brawltogethernow]

hey i just saw that urban fantasy thing with jaegars and i really liked it i hope you have a good day

Instead of trying to convey how direct messages like this turn me into some kind of rainbow good vibes explosion reaction gif and cause me to do cringey pleased wiggle dances, I’m just going to use this ask to post another word doodle set in the same universe. Part..3 of 4 except 2 doesn’t exist yet, or something.

- -

Gil didn’t get the texts immediately, because smartphones reacted to areas where magic was really dense about the same way they did to extreme temperatures. And to follow that metaphor he’d been out in below freezing weather all day. Fighting...polar bears?

Okay, maybe that comparison had outlived its usefulness.

Anyway by the time his phone turned back on, they were already a few hours old.

hey, they read.

baby bro.

so i’m not HUNDO P sure, obvs

but i THINK there was a monster in my laundry closet?

my roommate and i murdered it for great justice, tho, or something. again, not sure. thought you’d want to come check it out either way

so come tell me if my dryer is haunted and i’ll make you chai

Weird. Gil worried his boba straw with his teeth.

I know how to make my own chai, he typed. This was the only name the spiced milky tea recipe their mother had made up to give baby Zeetha had.

ya but u think mine is better! don’t lie i know it

Zeetha’s was, on some ephemeral level, better. Gil maintained that this was an objective fact, and also deeply unfair. He actually paid attention to ingredient measurements when he made things. Zeetha cooked with her feelings. It should not matter that she had grown up with their mom, actually watching her throw her handful of pet recipes together, if he was exactly duplicating the preparation process!

Sure thing, LITTLE SIS, he sent, spitefully.

They did not actually know who was older. It was a point of contention.

Gil’s stupid-sharp teeth split the thick plastic. He gagged and spit out the tip of the straw. Wonderful.

that’s a yes. see u soon - wait r u nearbish or nah?

I’ll take a Ley, he typed. Then he added, Nearbish.

*nearish

i typed nearby and changed it bc your travel times are disengaged from common sense don’t razz me

He typed, Look, I’ve never had a sibling before. I’m kind of pulling from TV for guidance, looked at it, then backspaced all of it.

Sorry? he sent.

it was a joke, nerd!

Maybe he should’ve just sent it.

A café factotum guy’s Roomba-esque route around the room brought him bumping up against Gil’s booth. “Heyyy, are we still good here?” he asked in a fast drawl.

Then he paused a beat and gave Gil an appreciative once-over so overt that Gil, who had been called “charmingly dense” about when he was being flirted with in the past (by his childhood friend/nemesis, who had then stared at him for a long moment as if hoping he would pick up on some subtext which was still unclear to him), actually noticed.

He felt his face heat up.

Maybe he should have gotten a new shirt before getting a snack? This one was kind of Kirked up. He just...lost a lot of shirts. To the line of duty. He wasn’t actually sure if he had any unharmed ones left. And his jacket was still fine! Well, the zipper was broken. But that hadn’t been because of anything with claws, it had just been eaten by a washing machine.

Waiter guy crooked a smile at Gil. “Get back from a rough day at...”

His gaze paused on the two-handed sword Gil had laid across his table so he could to try to wipe dark purple ichor off of it with recycled paper napkins dipped in his complimentary ice water.

“...At...” he tried again.

Gil also looked at the table. The sword was slightly too long not to hang over the edge by a few inches. It was surrounded by a field of devastated paper.

“Lacrosse,” said Gil. “Lacrosse drills.”

He felt bad about guiding people into easy-to-swallow misapprehensions. But he felt even worse about leaving them to flounder around until they came up with explanations on their own, so. Gil was a fictitious connoisseur of...so many contact sports, most of which he had never actually played.

Thus redirected (Gil was a monster, and it had nothing to do with the teeth), waiter guy proceeded to laugh that he didn’t know anything about lacrosse but bet it gave you great arms, then cheerfully bullied Gil into ordering a takeout container of soup.

Gil started sifting quarters out of his change purse so he could tip without flashing Empire-stamped ingots, which were whammied with the meanest Fade-concentrating spell to counter the innate insecurity of establishing a standardized money system. (He should probably just get a separate wallet, he thought for approximately the 72nd time that week.) His phone, set on a carefully gore-free corner of the table, lit up with a reminder notification. He tapped it back on.

Is your roommate okay? he sent.

pretty sure, Zeetha answered. she had backup?

she brought three...weird...old men. frat boys?

...frat men.

What?

i don’t know!

Okay, turn the horseshoe upside-down, I’ll be there tonight.

#girl genius #w #fic #anonymous #asks answered #hyu's de chozen vun sveethot

[nyxabird]

The Arkana Magician is probably one of the saddest characters I’ve seen.

I am the weirdest person because I think too hard about tiny side characters that are basically there just to move the plot along, and today has highlighted that because I’m crying over one of the tiniest like... seriously depressed.

So talks with my friend turned to the Pandora Black Magician/Arkana Dark Magician today, because I’m playing Duel Links and getting summon animations and that’s one I was missing. And I basically made myself completely depressed over this.

Also Memory World spoiler(s?) because this is going deep into talks about a certain someone. Since the English translation is the best known, I’ll use the English names for the post. (I’m used to using Japanese so forgive me if I slip up.)

For anyone who doesn’t know or doesn’t remember, the “Arkana Dark Magician” is sort of the mouthful title for the fake Magician we see in one of the duels in Battle City. It’s also sometimes called “Dark Magician (Arkana)” or “Dark Magician (Arkana Version)”. Or just sometimes Arkana Magician.

It’s this one, in the red armor.

Now the episode just seems like a typical throwaway copy fight whatever, tense and meaningful but nothing really new. Arkana is beaten, the story moves on, nobody thinks about him again.

Except. I started thinking about him. And where my mind went was really, really, sad. Most of this is going to be headcanon since this is barely if at all touched on in-universe, just fyi.

We have no evidence where he's from, but the most likely option is that he's a fake card. We have evidence for it -- Marik is making fake Ras, which seem to function fine as cards, it’s just their side effects boil down to “God is angry because fuck you for making copies”. And, you know, the art of the Arkana Magician is distinctly less quality than the other cards we see, hinting it’s not drawn with the same professionalism, hinting further it’s done by someone else.

You can actually see if you look at it carefully. It just looks off somehow, especially with the positioning of his arms and how the staff isn’t actually being held in his hand, it’s sort of... glued to his wrist. There’s just something very weird and not-right about it.

On top of the evidence of fake cards being made, we never see this version of the card again. We see other versions, but the fact this is a one-off unique version likely means it’s not something produced by Industrial Illusions.

So, you have Marik make a fake Dark Magician. All’s fine and dandy, except not quite no, because the Dark Magician isn’t just any card. It’s a card that was made when the High Priest Mahad fused his human soul with his ka, the manifestation of it, and basically turned himself into a Duel Monster. So you’re already playing with fire just making a fake of that.

But.

BUT.

IT GETS WORSE.

BECAUSE ALL OF ARKANA’S CARDS ARE ALIVE.

Arkana says this outright because his constant refrain is that you have to make your monsters fear you. He literally owns them, they’re his slaves, and he abused and frightens them. You wouldn’t do that for things you think are pieces of paper -- normal duelists believe in their decks and monsters but it’s like believing in your Roomba. You don’t think it’s actually sapient.

But Arkana does, he treats them like they are, and thus it’s pretty clear that his deck and cards are alive. (This is even further established by Yami himself, who tells Arkana his monsters are crying.) And thus the copy of the Dark Magician he gets is brought to life. Except it’s a fake copy, it can’t draw on the real Mahad’s spirit, so you now have this weird hybrid-Duel-Spirit-that’s-not-really-an-individual-spirit hanging around.

WHOOPS.

So the Arkana Magician is this brand new baby spirit, wide-eyed and (probably) innocent, and then he gets handed to a complete psychopath who literally abuses him and treats him like an unfeeling tool. Of course he goes psychotic under that sort of treatment. He’s been “alive” for not even a year most likely, and the only other people besides himself that he knows are his owner (who is an abusive shitbag) and the other monsters (who are also slaves, but considered under him). So he’s in this weird limbo of being worthless except as a weapon for Arkana to wield and yet somehow above the other monsters, meaning he’s basically isolated from the very start.

And what happens after this isolation and abuse? He gets pitted against Yami. With the real Dark Magician -- with Mahad. And he gets thrown into a duel where it’s made blatantly clear, with no room for misinterpretation, that he’s not the real thing. He’s a fake, a phony, a copy, an imposter. He’s beaten down, derided, and destroyed (sacrificed by Arkana himself, because he’s a tool, he exists to die for him, again and again). He existed to be a sword, that’s his purpose for being alive, and his blade just got shattered off the shield that is the real him. The real him who is loved by Yami, treated respectfully. It’s made, very painfully and bluntly clear, that he’s nothing more than a knock-off here, a thing that isn’t considered real or worth affection or care.

A knock-off that nobody actually WANTS. Because when Arkana loses, he goes insane, so of course he wouldn’t keep him. But Yami doesn’t take him either. We don’t know for sure why, though honestly, with what evidence we have, it seems very much like the Arkana Magician just slipped their mind. Arkana gets fucked over by Marik so he can’t free himself, so Yugi takes over and frees him, Marik shows up to flip them the double-bird, Arkana basically goes completely insane, and then everyone finally shows up and Yugi is just so done with all this insanity right now that it’s slipped him and Yami’s minds.

Which... honestly, I get. Yugi is a teenager, Yami only has a group of teenagers to model his feelings/handling of things on. I don’t blame them for forgetting. But even if I don’t blame them, even if I think no one’s at fault here, it’s still pretty heartless and definitely heartbreaking.

“But Nyx!” you say. “He was hostile and an asshole, why would they take him with them?” To which I ask you to remember that Yugi nearly lost a foot of what very little height he had in order to save Arkana. And also, why is Kaiba hanging around? How did Yugi befriend Jounouchi again? At this point it’s pretty clear that Yugi’s bar for “this person is too evil to be my friend” is set high enough I’m fairly certain that a giraffe wouldn’t have to do more than slightly duck to get under it.

We have no idea what happens after that, but like... knowing the card is real, the Spirit World is real, and yet he’s a fake made off a real monster the options we can see aren’t really good. It’s actually pretty likely that he’s just... trapped in the card forever, since he isn’t real on his own -- at best he’s a tiny fragment of Mahad’s soul (which seems like a very likely option since he’s inherited Mahad’s skin color and makeup), at worst he’s a false imitation of a spirit that isn’t any more real than the “Mexican” food at Taco Bell. Either way, it’s likely he can’t pass on to the Spirit World. Which means he’s just... stuck, in the card. Forever. Completely alone because Pandora can’t use him, Yami didn’t take him, and nobody wants him.

He’s “lived” for such a short time and yet everyone he ever met hated him. To Pandora, he was a tool to be used at Arkana’s whims, hurt if he ever did something “wrong”, and as the episode shows he was fucking terrified of Arkana for it (and likely hated him in turn). To Yami, he was an opponent, a fake of Yami’s beloved Dark Magician (or at the very least took Yami’s feelings to be that, if nothing else). We don’t know what Mahad thinks of him, but quite frankly I doubt it’s anything good considering Mahad strictly serves the Pharaoh and his reincarnations and here is this knock-off street bazaar him serving an insane asshole that’s trying to kill said Pharaoh.

This poor fucker was doomed from the very beginning. And it breaks my heart that in the end, even though he was a victim and never asked for this, he probably got punished just as much as everyone else because he got left behind to rot, trapped in a card in likely complete solitude until he goes insane himself or the card’s destroyed and he can die. Honestly, for as much abuse as he got from Pandora, rotting in solitude is a far worse fate for someone who never deserved it.

#yu-gi-oh! #dark magician #arkana #arkana dark magician #arkana magician #i have too many feels #for random side characters

[justaramblingromantic]

ɪ'ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ғᴏʀɢᴇᴛ

Characters/Pairing: Kobayashi Rindou and Tsukasa Eishi/EiRin

Type: Canon-divergent AU, Post-series, Peerless-verse, Freestyle

Word Count: 1158

A/N: I’ll search the universe, until I can find you again. 

One day, out of nowhere, she asked, “Would you rather die first, or would you prefer to be the one left behind?”

He paused and peered over the edge of the book which he had been reading. Her curious catlike gaze met his, expectant and waiting for his response.

“…What brought this up?”

Also, what kind of question was that?

She shrugged, rolling onto her belly on the bed, her legs raised, bare feet kicking idly in the air behind her. She had propped herself up on her elbows, hands stacked together, her pointed chin resting on the back of her palms. They were in the bedroom, just settling in for the night.

“Just wondering, I guess.” Her gaze sharpened. “So?”

He set his book face down on the mattress beside him where he had been sitting against the headboard, giving her his full attention.

“I think it’s not anything to worry about at all, since we don’t actually get to choose when we die.”

Her brow furrowed at his dull, logical comment.

“But what if we can choose?” she insisted. “What if we grew old together, hypothetically, and we’re reaching the end of the road?”

He looked at her. “Hypothetically?” he enquired with polite blandness. “Is there anyone else you’re planning to grow old with?”

Her lips twitched.

“You’re entirely missing the point here, bud. Fine.”

“Let’s say that we’re both shrunken and doddery and seriously getting on in years. You’re the gnarly old coot to my wizened old hag. I’m sagging everywhere and you’re missing all of your hair. There are liver spots in places where there should not ever have liver spots and we take turns misplacing our dentures. You need to bellow at the top of your lungs whenever you speak to me because I can’t hear too well and I need to hold on to you when we go for our daily walks about town because your vision is not too good anymore. We hobble about everywhere on walking sticks at the max speed of a lost sloth and between us we have more replacement parts than an angry Roomba. Everything hurts and we creak like unoiled hinges whenever we so much as breathe. If given a choice, wouldn’t you wanna kick the bucket first?”

He winced wearily at her colorfully imaginative portrayal of their…future. “Must you really be so descriptive.”

Just how long had she been hatching this idea?

She grinned at him, unrepentant.

“You asked for it. ‘Sides, aging and growing old is part and parcel of life. Don’t be scared of it.”

“I’m not scared,” he muttered. “I just don’t feel the need to think about it until I absolutely have to.”

She slyly wormed closer to him and then flopped her upper torso over his lap, displacing his book in the process. “Well, you may start thinking now. Indulge my insatiable curiosity, old man!”

He twitched at her demand, especially when she poked him demandingly in the stomach as well. His hand reached down to catch her offending digit, and then he laced their fingers together.

“I’m not that old yet, old woman,” he retorted, still stalling. Mainly because he really had no idea what he was supposed to say. Who wanted to think about dying? She was such an oddball, as always. “…Which would you prefer?”

“Hey, I asked you first! You can’t answer my question with the same question!”

“You obviously have spent some time contemplating this already, so if I’m going to guess, then it’d be that you’d want to go first,” he continued.

She sent him an arched look.

“Is that your final opinion? If it is, then you’re wrong~!” she sang. “I’d pick to be left behind. Are you surprised?”

His brow silently lifted. He actually was faintly surprised.

“…Why would you choose that?”

“Hm, it’d be a relief to go first and not be old and achy everywhere anymore…but…you’re going to be really pitiful if I left you behind, right?” She petted his thigh, and then she laid her head on his leg, curling up beside him. “I can’t do that to you- what ever will you do without me? You’d be completely lost.”

Her candid, matter of fact reply both amused him and tugged at something in him, at the same time. His other hand reached for her, resting over the crown of her head, fingers slowly sifting through her hair.

“But then you’d be the one left alone,” he pointed out quietly. And he wondered if he could bear that, parting when that time to separate came. What a morbid subject they were discussing, but now that she had drawn him into it, he was curious to hear her thoughts too.

“Yeah. It’s gonna suck either way,” she acknowledged, her gaze growing distant in thought. “But you know what? It’d suck even more to have to leave you behind…so I’d rather take this one for the team,” she concluded plainly. She rolled onto her back and caught his eyes. “You’ll wait for me, right? No matter how long I take?”

His gaze softened. His fingers lingered along her jaw.

“Do you even have to ask?”

They both knew that he had always been the more patient one out of the two of them.

She smiled at him, softly nuzzling her face into his hand, brushing her lips affectionately against the heart of his palm.

“See; that’s why I’ll be fine.”

“I’m gonna do so many awesome things when you’re gone,” she suddenly blurted out in glee, half an hour or so later, when they had both settled in bed for the night. Eishi was promptly jolted awake; he had been about to doze off, but an excitable Rindou was simply irrepressible. “I’ll be the ultra-fashionable old lady in Roppongi rocking haute couture OOTDs by day and by night I’ll hit up host clubs in Kabukicho and patronize handsome young men and be a sugar granny-”

“Can you please not be so excited to see me dead and buried so fast,” he groaned, rolling over and hauling her into his arms before she could spring up and go off onto wild tangents. He would never get her quiet and settled back down for bedtime again by then.

He pushed her face onto the crook of his shoulder, presumably to make her shut up. She nipped him in indignant reprimand, and he retaliated by pinching her rump. Her shoulders quivered with mirth. He was so grumpy. She freed one hand and petted his arm fondly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have your name tattooed somewhere so even if dementia gets me and I don’t remember you, I’ll still remember you,” she puffed out against his neck. He grumbled.

“Okay, grandma, can you save your rebellion without a cause for tomorrow? The rest of us still not at retirement age yet need our sleep in order to be functional and responsible working adults in the morning.”

#Food Wars: Shokugeki no Souma #Shokugeki no Soma #EiRin #Tsukasa Eishi #Kobayashi Rindou #EiRin: Peerless AU #my fics #freestyle

[elsewhereuniversity]

The unfortunate adventures of Tex

So, as an exercise to get better at writing, I’m starting a series of posts following a freshman called “Tex”  who accidentally ends up stumbling across the more unsavory bits of Elsewhere.  Basically I’ll be running him through any material from other posts that I think would be interesting to turn into a short story and isn’t yet.  That being said, I don’t want to steal credit from anyone, so I’ll link the source post I’m using at the bottom of each story.  I hope to do one of these every week, but my schedule for the rest of the month is crazier than a rabid badger on catnip.

The Tex Files 

Episode 1, The Tree

Tex silently opened his window, taking care not to disturb the line of salt that ran across the sill.  Behind him his roommate snored quietly ignorant of his companion’s imminent escape.  Escape might have been a bit dramatic of a term.  Tex’s roommate was a sophomore and though he denied it vehemently Tex suspected he had been through the wringer with the Gentry the previous year.  Why else would someone give a curfew on a college dorm?  He thought as he slid on his belt pouch.  

Tex glanced at his sleeping roomie.  Three lines of salt and iron shavings circled his iron bed frame, held to the floor by a stubborn epoxy.  Say what you would about him, the fool was thorough.  Three iron bells hung from the door, and the window curtain had been replaced with a thin sheet of what Tex could only describe as chain-mail.  It would be almost impossible for a normal student to sneak in or out of the room.  

Tex wasn’t an ordinary student.

The furtive freshman stepped through the narrow window, careful not to brush the jangling curtains as his scarred hands hoisted his body through the portal.  The rubber sole of his left shoe gripped against the brick wall as Tex slowly closed the window, leaving it just a crack open.  To any normal person, climbing down from a third story dorm room on a moonlit night would have seemed a daunting task.  It took Tex three minutes. 

Tex brushed the dust off of his shirt and turned nonchalantly towards the green as if he hadn’t just methodically descended a thirty foot brick wall.  Most of the nonchalant air was genuine, Tex had been climbing since he was four when his dad had hidden the peanut butter on a high shelf, scaling a dorm was a metaphorical walk in the park for him.  

Tex locked his hands behind his head and strolled into the night.  He hadn’t brought a light with him, relying on the almost-full moon to illuminate the path to the greenhouse.   His destination was a tree that he had noticed was in bloom that morning.  Tex had tried to climb it to pick one of the fragrant blossoms but one of the botany students had come out and yelled him down.  Something about disturbing a unique and delicate specimen vital to the understanding of modern genetics.  Psh.  Fools.  Tex thought as he approached the tree in question, stepping off the firm walk and into the lush uncut grass.  They see a fun tree and all they can think about is taking all the fun out.    Tex rolled his shoulders as he approached the thick trunk.  The southern Freshman was a strong believer in enjoying nature, regardless of what fools like that botany student or his paranoid roommate told him to do.  Tex placed his hands on the rough bark, testing it to find suitable hand holds.

 If God didn’t want me to climb this tree, he wouldn’t have put me and it on the same pla-  Tex’s train of thought was cut off as he heard the none too subtle sound of something approaching down the walkway.  The freshman whipped around, eyes questing along the luminous path, searching for a spot of darkness embedded in the moonlit road.

His gaze landed upon a tiny roomba, wheels whirring as it trundled down the rough concrete.  A small butter knife was proudly displayed at it’s prow, duct-taped there like the decorative helm of a great ship.  

Tex stared in confusion at the automated vacuum.

“What the He-”

Tex was knocked from his feet as something fast and small struck him between his shoulder blades, clinging to his shirt with tiny claws as the surprised freshman fell.  The tiny Thing leapt from Tex’s back, narrowly avoiding being crushed as he rolled across the wet grass.  All around him, other tiny Things fell from the tree’s branches, surrounding Tex in a veritable tiny army.  The dark figures writhed in the shadows of the canopy, eerily silent as they circled their surprised prey.  

Tex lowered his shoulders and raised his hands into a fighting stance.  He could hear the Things moving through the grass behind him, see their glowing eyes as they swayed in the wind like the boughs of the tree, smell their earthy scent so similar to the blossoms above him yet fundamentally different.  They stood there, frozen in time, neither side moving.  For a moment the creature’s hissing stopped and in that moment Tex could feel his heartbeat.

He closed his eyes.

One of the creatures jumped from the branches above him, hoping to surprise him and knock him to the ground for the other Things to devour.  Tex stepped, smoothly gliding his feet through the tall grass, shifting his body out of the path of the falling Thing.  One of his fist’s knocked the creature from the air, crushing it against its own momentum before sending it flying back.  

The other Things erupted in motion, surging towards the Texan like water rushing to fill an empty pool.  For an instant Tex thought of facing the horde.  He could fight them.  He imagined himself throwing the Things aside as they flew towards him, weaving between them like falling leaves.  

He could face them.

But he didn’t have to. 

In fact, he probably shouldn’t

Tex took half a step and leapt into the air, diving over the horde as it collapsed on his position.  He rolled across the grass as more of the Things fell from the trees.  Some of them landed gracefully like cats.  Others slammed into the ground more like over enthusiastic acorns.  

Well shit!

As he broke into a sprint, Tex took a mental second to reflect upon his misfortune.  There had been at least a baker’s dozen of the Things circling him before he had started running and, judging by the thumps as he had leapt over them, at least ten more had joined the chase.

Shitshitshitshitshit

Tex sprinted across the quad, an army of Things chasing behind him.  He sent up a tiny thanks to god for his addiction to runner’s high as he took a sharp turn around a tree.  A very satisfying thump came from behind him as several of the Things collided with the thick oak.  

“You’ll never take me alive!”  Tex yelled maniacally as he vaulted a trashcan.  A light bulb went off in Tex’s head as he heard the unfortunate receptacle crash into a more unfortunate mob of Things.  He took a wide arc around the quad, sprinting straight for the dorms.  Behind him, the Things cackled in glee as the began to gain ground.  Tex’s breath came in ragged gasps as he put on more speed.  The thing’s behind him sensed his desperation and clawed at the ground, moving towards their fleeing prey with inhuman velocity.

They never saw the wall coming.

Tex jumped, using his momentum to step up the wall and grab the steel rain gutter that ran down the height of the brick facade.  The Things below him, significantly less experienced in running up walls, slammed into the glazed red clay like a wrecking ball.  

Tex smiled as he wheezed his way up the steel drain pipe.  Below him the Things hissed and scrabbled as their claws failed to find purchase on the hard brick.  The gutter shuddered with a loud pop as one of the jostling Things bumped it.  The tree Faerie letting out a shrieking hiss as the iron bit its skin.  

Tex gasped for the cool night air as he collapsed on the tile roof.  

Well, He thought, heaving air into his worn lungs.  That certainly was an adventure.

https://elsewhereuniversity.tumblr.com/post/166229882470/the-blooming-tree

x

#wulfskadi #stories #tex #hahaha #the blooming tree #submission

[jaybug-jabbers]

Bug Run 8: Having a Champion Time

Hey, all! It’s time for another bug run!

… except, well, it didn’t take me very long. I’m afriad my eigth bug run, of the Galar region, was a little easy. In fact, only the Champion fight was really any sort of challenge for us.

So I’ll just be discussing that battle real quick, since it was the only noteworthy thing!

A quick refresher of the run rules:

1.) The team must be bug types only.

2.) No healing items used during battle (unless the foe uses them first, and then you may only match the items one-for-one).

3.) No over-levelling.

Now, on to the battle!

Generation eight introduces three new bug lines to the Pokemon franchise, and thus three new pokes to add to the team. That leaves three slots left to fill. Galar is fairly generous in including bugs from previous generations, but ultimately I settled on filling out my team with the three big buggos from Alola. I hadn’t used them as often as some of the others and it was nice to see them again.

One of those returning heroes was Vikavolt, the electric bug that packs a sky-high Special Attack stat. Vikavolt gets some work done, let me assure you. However, in this particular battle, sadly he didn’t get to do much. I had designated him a suicide Sticky Web lead. The sacrifice was a big one, considering how hard Vikavolt can hit– so watching him crumble to Leon’s Aegislash was painful. Yet I knew it was for a greater good that could very well turn the tide of the match to our favor later on.

After Vikavolt’s sacrifice, I brought in Dinraal, my Centiskorch. I use Fire Lash, but the foe King Shields, lowering my attack. No matter– I have Flare Blitz. It does a good chunk of damage, but we need to tank one Shadow Ball before we can finish the Aegislash off. Honestly, losing Vikavolt and then seriously dropping Dinraal’s health at the very start of the match didn’t feel like a great start, but I carried on anyway.

Rhyperior is next up. I send out my Frosmoth, Snowdrop, in the hopes she might deal with it. She does get some major damage with her Ice Beam, but it’s nowhere near enough for a clean OK. She goes down to Stone Edge. I bring in my Golisopod, Roomba, and Liquidate, planning to finish it off, but Leon uses a Full Restore. Fortunately, though, Liquidate easily clears the Rhyperior out. Not sure why I wasted Frosmoth like that to begin with.

Dragapult is out next, and I’m packing a fairy for this occasion; it’s time to see what Buttercup the Ribombee can do. His Dazzling Gleam does a very large chunk, indeed, but it’s not quite enough to kill. Dragapult has Clear Body, which is immune to Sticky Web, so I know that unfortunately even the speedy Ribombee will be outsped by the incredibly fast Dragapult in the next turn. I can’t very well take another Flamethrower. So, I switch back into the weakened Dinraal, right into a Flamethrower.

The Flash Fire boost is all well and good, but can we survive a non-fire hit? Thankfully, Dinraal takes another Shadow Ball just fine, and finishes off the dragon with a Fire Lash. Quite a trooper.

Haxorous is out next. This one is the problem for my team, and the reason I bothered with Sticky Web to begin with. An Outraging Haxorous is no fun to deal with. I send out my Orbeetle, Doodles. Doodles can do a nice, big chunk with Psychic, something that’s clearly a three-hit KO. Because of Sticky Web, she’s able to get two Psychics off before going down to the second Outrage. Finally, Buttercup can come in and pick off the weakened Haxorous.

Rillaboom is out next, because I chose starters in a way to make my rival have the fire-type pokemon. (I thought MAYBE it would make Hop more challenging to face, but it didn’t really.) It’s time for Buttercup to shine! Fling out your Pollen Puff! … . yet, once again, Rimbombee falls just short of getting a clean KO. The frail little fellow goes down to a Drum Beating. It’s a shame that Ribombee continues his trend of falling just short of a KO, but despite that fact, he still did contribute important damage to the team effort, and his speed still let him finish some things off.

I was not in a comfortable stance anymore, though. While I easily revenge-killed Rillaboom with Dinraal, I was down to just two pokemon on my team: the very-weakened Dinraal, and my ace, Golisopod. I had been saving Golisopod to deal with Charizard, but would it be enough?

Leon sent out his Charizard and Dynamaxed. I tried to Fire Lash to affect defense a little, but Charizard of course outsped and took Dinraal out. It was all down to my Golisopod now.

I Dynamaxed and used Max Geyser; Charizard outsped with its Max Airstream and took me down to ¼ health. My Max Geyser brought Charizard down into the red. But Charizard had the speed advantage. I was screwed, of course.

Or, well. Perhaps not. My foe had used a single Full Restore earlier, on his  Rhyperior. That meant I was allowed one potion.

I used it. And while that seems like delaying the inevitable, in this case, it wasn’t; because it burned a Dynamax turn.

The third turn, Charizard reverted back to normal. It struck first, but failed to KO me. So I blasted little Charizard out of the sky.

While some may believe it’s cheating to use a potion, I honestly don’t think it is, since my opponent had used one as well. In my mind, it’s only levelling the playing field. It also goes to show how potion use needs to sometimes be very strategic to actually be meaningful. Had I been spamming potions, then yes, I’d agree the battle would be silly. However, I’d been playing by the same rules I’ve been using for every single one of my bug runs. So I think the win was still quite a valid one.

In any case, the battle was close and it had been fun to figure out. I just wish more battles in Sw/Sh had been close. Overall, the game was pretty darn easy (and short). I enjoyed the new bug types, and assembling my bug team, but next time I hope they make a pokemon game that’s a bit more of a challenge.

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Feb 12, 2020.

#pokemon #bugrun #bugrun8 #mycontent #pokemon playthroughs

[funnynewsheadlines]

211 Photos Of People Having A Worse Day Than You (New Pics)

We’ve all had that very worst day combo. 3 hours of sleep combined with a car that won't start, add piles of work sitting on your desk and a call from tax inspection (add your scenario here) and voila, your day has just turned into a nightmare. Call them first world problems, but whoever has been there knows very well just how much it takes to cool off your boiling blood.

Luckily, there’s one band-aid known to humanity that eases this pain. And it’s knowing that someone out there is going through a wayyy worse day. Like, worse². Both vile and soothing, we present you with Bored Panda’s compilation of the most severe day-breaking fails that are impossible not to laugh at.

For those who are dealing with even more severe worst day situations, please get an extra dose of others’ misfortune on our previous posts here, here, and here. And remember that at its worst, a bad day can only last up to 24 hours.

#1 I'm 49. Just Found This In My Mum's Bookcase

Image credits: Halvere1600

#2 My Brother, On The Ride Home From Picking Up His New Puppy

Image credits: reddit.com

#3 I Wouldn't Be Going Home After That

Image credits: joshy_squash

It’s crazy how much some unlucky incidents and totally random things can change the course of our day. In reality, every one of us can go from joyful to plain wrecked in a moment for countless reasons. Spilling your takeaway coffee on a blouse is one, getting a call you didn’t expect is another, and the list goes on.

But what if we teach ourselves to become immune to both small and large misfortunes? Keandra Cherry, an education consultant and author at Very Well Mind, suggests that we can, in fact, train positive thinking. “Learning to think positively is like strengthening a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it will become,” she claims.

#4 My Dad's Old Truck Got Hit By A Truck Carrying Old Rotten Potato Slurry To A Feed Lot For Cows. His Passenger Window Was Down

Image credits: Dixo0118

#5 3 Am Snack

Image credits: upvotemypics

#6 Exsperminate

Image credits: oeufelia

This research suggests that your ability to explain events is linked to whether you’re optimist or a pessimist. So, imagine if you had a power to explain the negative events to yourself and just let them go.

Keandra says that “Optimists tend to view bad or unfortunate events as isolated incidents that are outside of their control while pessimists see such things as more common and often blame themselves.”

Think of how many times you've blamed yourself (and let's be honest, the whole world) for something as ridiculous as a spilled coffee. It would have been way more productive simply to accept it just for what it was: a small, random incident that needs some washing.

#7 Simple As That

Image credits: realemilyattack

#8 Heckin Bots

Image credits: jnudey

#9 Where's The Shade?

Image credits: lewpreme

#10 Grand Rapids, MI Reporter Gets Her New License Plate

Image credits: lynseymukomel

#11 I Brought A Bag Of Used Cat Litter With Me To Throw Away On The Way To Work. I Also Brought My Lunch. Guess Which One Came To Work With Me

Image credits: Eric264

#12 It's Just A Little Ice, It's Fine

Image credits: mikemike26

#13 This Happened To My Car Today

Image credits: telumindel

#14 This Is The Worst Picture Ever Taken Of Me

Image credits: TurnipTimeMyGuys

#15 Guess Who's Severely Allergic To Hair Dye? This Girl

Image credits: a-liketheway

#16 Was Confused When It Didn't Sound Like It Hit The Floor

Image credits: Jukkster

#17 Tiny Body Or Giant Head?

Image credits: Amemeinglesslife

#18 When The Bakers Make The Mix Wrong And Don’t Realize Yeast Doesn’t Just Stop Working Because It’s In A Dumpster

Image credits: TELME3

#19 Allergic To Almost Everything On The Allergy Skin Test. Some Of It Was So Swollen The Doctor Could Barely Tell Which Was Which

Image credits: saturatedhydrocarbon

#20 After A Few Weeks, I Returned To My Apartment

Image credits: JuanfranB_

#21 Forgot My Headphones On The Ground While The Roomba Was Running

Image credits: Shiby92

#22 My Friend Works As An Extra In Movies And Does Stock Photography. Just Saw Him Pictured As An Offender On A Bus In Florida

Image credits: devandangers

#23 Hiked Two Hours To Set Up A Picnic, Returned To This

Image credits: Jaminator97

#24 My Daughter - Class Of 2020

Sums up High School graduation this year.

Image credits: frankiewhispers

#25 Not A Good Night For This Doordash Driver

Image credits: mitchdwx

#26 Pre-Ordered A Signed Vinyl Record, The Band Mistakenly Signed The Cellophane Wrapping And Not The Album Cover

Image credits: Havoksixteen

#27 To Whoever Dumped Their Old Bedframe By TJ's In Hyde Park Choose A Less Windy Day Next Time So It Doesn't Get Stuck To The Side Of My House

Image credits: Vally.teacake

#28 Friend Of Mine Posted This Photo Of The Job Site Today

Image credits: rabaful

#29 Last Week I Seeded My Lawn. Just Wanted To Share The Progress It's Made So Far

Image credits: QuadrigaCX_

#30 Someone Forgot To Tighten The Hopper On The Corn Train

Image credits: tibiapartner

#31 Priest Accidentally Live-Streamed Mass With Sunglasses And Hat Filter

#32 My Sister Bought Some Strawberries From A Very Large Grocery Chain In BC Canada. Comes With A Live Prize Inside

Image credits: muttonwar

#33 Bakery Fail

Image credits: Fibutton

#34 Our Puppy Had Explosive Diarrhea All Over My Wife

Image credits: scobow28

#35 Was Having Valentine's Day Dinner When I Went Downstairs To Check On Why The Heat Wasn't Working. Found 4 Feet Of Water Covering The Entire Basement

Image credits: Scrappy_Mongoose

#36 The Robot Takeover Has Begun

Image credits: lisaneedzbraces

#37 An Honest Mistake

Image credits: m4rticus

#38 I Accidentally Put My Leather Gloves In The Washing Machine

Image credits: gene100001

#39 Now We Know Who The Favorite Child Is

Image credits: mankind3400

#40 The Printer Exploded

Image credits: joshdyson

#41 My Boyfriend Dropped My Makeup Bag

Image credits: dinklederp

#42 Honey

Image credits: NotABsian0073

#43 They Need An Intervention, Not A Convention

Image credits: Kndrp2

#44 I've Been Saving Up For A Switch For A Couple Months Now. I Finally Got It Last Week And Found This In My Dog's Mouth

Image credits: yhandi

#45 It Was A Great Day Till This Moment

Image credits: pp0787

#46 Just Found A Lug Nut In My Fruit Bar

Image credits: HaemmerHead

#47 God Damnit

Image credits: Jammy_Git

#48 She Traded For The Window Seat Before Getting On The Plane 

Image credits: Fsf89

#49 A Pipe Broke Upstairs

Image credits: thepinkfluffy1211

#50 Somebody Didn’t Strap The Egg Trolleys In Properly On The Truck. 10,500 Eggs Broken

Image credits: yourmate24

#51 I Have Lost One Piece Of This 2000 Pieces Puzzle

Image credits: Voytaouta

#52 Went Hiking Over The Weekend To Blow Off Steam From Finals Week. Guess Who Has A Presentation Today

Image credits: Strupnick

#53 Parked My Jeep Under The Porch To Keep It Out Of The Weather

Image credits: glueall215

#54 I Need A File Lost In This Room

Image credits: almeldin

#55 Pineapple Field Near Taal Volcano After Nearly A Day Of Spewing Ashes. No Filter

Image credits: cmplctdsmplcty

#56 My Buddy Got This After Working At His Job For 42years. The Sticker Isn't Even On Straight Lol

Image credits: Everbeard807

#57 Feeling Like Kevin From The Office Right Now

Image credits: GoAwayK

#58 Someone Spilled Their Smoothie In Class, And Now It Looks Like Someone Has Been Brutally Murdered

Image credits: Danielmg

#59 Aaaand There Go My $300 Headphones

Image credits: toddsiegrist

#60 He's Lost All Control

Image credits: Hitlur

#61 Imagine Going To School For 12 Years And Graduating At Walmart

Image credits: Spicy-Samich

#62 Whipped Myself Into A Frustrated Rage Trying To Find My Drill For Half An Hour

Image credits: Brave1i1toaster

#63 The One Time The Toner Exploded At Work While Switching It Out. You Can See Where I Was At That Exact Moment

Image credits: paochow

#64 Happened To A Friend, She Was Almost Finished

Image credits: Kelmeno

#65 Not An April Fools Joke I 100% Accidentally Full-On Sealed A Cat Into A Wall. I Didn’t Even Know They Had A Cat

Image credits: rick.gates44

#66 Lost My Wallet 3 Days Ago, Finally Ordered New Cards And Then

Image credits: dragonboy2734

#67 Patient Directly Next To Me In The ICU Tested Positive For Coronavirus, So Guess Who Got To Go Back To The Hospital?

Image credits: kaaaaath

#68 These Are All My Bank Cards, ID Cards And Gym Card, After My Cat Dragged My Wallet On The Heater

Image credits: FirstRangerSkyWalker

#69 Waited In Line For This Roller Coaster For Two Hours, When I Finally Got To The Front They Said I Was Too Tall

Image credits: LiteralGiraffe

#70 After Years Of Saving, I Finally Bought My First House. The Key Snapped In The Door And Locked Me Out

Image credits: bevan182

#71 That's Not What I Wanted To Fall From The Cabinet

Image credits: BayNights001

#72 I Spent Over 4 Hours Baking A Cake Only To Immediately Drop It

Image credits: FireChemist123

#73 Grandma’s Baking Skills Aren’t What They Used To Be

Image credits: maksetamo_

#74 ABC Reporter Will Reve Appeared On Good Morning America Without Pants

Image credits: HPScots

#75 I Hate My Life

Image credits: longdongwitch

#76 Was Looking Forward To Having Some Nice Bread From A Local Bakery

Image credits: TheWrigglerr

#77 I Paid $6 To Have Two Slices Of American Cheese Delivered To My Door

I was trying to order a plain cheeseburger meal from McDonalds through DoorDash, and so I deselected all the extra stuff (onions, pickles, etc.).

Turns out I deselected the Buns and Meat too, so I just paid $6 to have 2 pieces of American Cheese delivered to my apartment.

Image credits: Wubnaught

#78 There’s A DIY Print In Our Local Milk Tea Shop And I Accidentally Sent Them The Wrong Picture. Maybe This Is Why The Barista Looked At Me Weird

Image credits: chiahri

#79 Ordered A "Half Mushroom Half Pepperoni" Pizza

Image credits: clark6050

#80 Long Kayaking Trip + Belly Rolls = Most Inconsistent Sunburn Ever

Image credits: BustersHotHamWater

#81 Great

Image credits: Jonny_____

#82 Worst. Delivery. Ever (Oc)

Image credits: AusFail

#83 The Lady At The Courthouse Neglected To Tell Me I Was Looking At The Wrong Camera

Image credits: applesauzzy

#84 Israel Brings In Millions Of Eggs To Relieve Passover Shortages And Then This Happens

Image credits: bokeralmog

#85 Our Glass Coffee Table Randomly Exploded While We Were Watching TV

Image credits: katelyn27

#86 Fiancé Was Taking The Paint Cans To The Basement. He Carried Too Much At Once. We Just Bought This House And I’m Dying Inside

Image credits: Marleyyy_S

#87 I Tried To Bake My Daughter A Birthday Cake But I Made A Butthole Instead

Image credits: Lillies4Lilly

#88 Kitchen Cabinets Decided To Yeet Themselves At 4 In The Morning

Image credits: weeJwontC10

#89 Ate While Driving, So Didn't Pay Attention. Got Most Of The Way Through When I Realized The Chicken Was 100% Raw

Image credits: dymbrulee

#90 Made A Small Error While Trimming The Hedges

Image credits: dieserminsung

#91 One Of Those Days

Image credits: Kyanita

#92 Customer Ordered All This Food On Uber Eats And Canceled The Order The Moment I Finished Making Everything

Image credits: RyuuAraragi

#93 Got My License In The Mail Today

Image credits: CanadianAndroid

#94 Scored A Sweet Pair Of Jeans Off Ebay At A Steal Of A Price. Just Found Out Why

Image credits: lance2k2

#95 So, How’s Everyone Else’s Day Exploding?

Image credits: swearsunnecessarily

#96 Supposed To Be My Bachelor Party Today. Now It's A Party For 1. It Might Feel Odd Later When I Strip For Myself

Image credits: Dr_Phan_Tastic

#97 Dropped The Trash. Hallelujah

Image credits: FernandoBruun

#98 My Landlord Sprayed Painted This Tree Guard And The Wind Blew The Paint Onto This Persons Dodge

Image credits: IJustFartedOnMyGF

#99 Left A Sparkling Water In The Car During Winter In Minneapolis

Image credits: ghrarhg

#100 Last Week A Bald Eagle Flew Threw My Bedroom Window, While I Was Laying In Bed. It Was Insane, To Say The Least

Image credits: taterz_precious

#101 Cabinet Fell Off The Wall While I Was Out. Handmade Dishes I've Collected Over The Years, Now Shattered

I guess it's fine I don't have dishes anymore, since the cabinet knocked open the fridge door, ruining all my food.

Image credits: reddit.com

#102 This Morning A Bat Crashed Into My Face And Fell Into My Breakfast. He Seemed Fine

Image credits: pabbit41

#103 My Mother's Hair Clippers Broke While Cutting My Hair

Image credits: KFCISEVIL

#104 “Can You Take The Cinnamon Rolls Out In 15 Minutes While I Run To The Store?” “No Problem.” “Don’t Forget.” “Babe, I Won’t Forget”. I Forgot

Image credits: ev3rythingisalright

#105 Heard My Husband Screaming While In The Shower. Walked In On This

Image credits: kenlayne

#106 I Wanted To Use Some Of My Savings And Then I Saw They Were Eaten By Ants

Image credits: raylolSW

#107 Cinema AC Turned Off During A Lockdown

Image credits: Chong Andy

#108 Onion For $20

Image credits: Jamsoir

#109 Don't Put Emojis In Your Bank Account Nicknames

Image credits: ajlobster

#110 The Definition Of A Bad Day

#111 300kgs Of Pudding Gone. Took Almost 4 Hours To Clean Up

Image credits: Meme_lad69420

#112 Mosquitos Just Love Open Back Shirts

Image credits: okay_but_what

#113 The Cropping Game

Image credits: erin_safran

#114 At Least He Was Clean

Walking my husky at 4 am, he finds fox poop and even though he’s never done it before he instantly flopped down and rolled hard into it, he stunk so much he needed a shower. My girlfriend heard the commotion as he hates showers and opened our bedroom door, went straight on the bed didn’t he!

Image credits: Randompolicy

#115 When Your April Fools Prank Is To Replace All The Mugs In The Office, But Everyone Works From Home Now

Image credits: DammitJames

#116 So Today's Supposed To Be The Best Day Of My Life. Now I'm Just Going To Have To Settle For The Next Best Option

Image credits: patriotsfan23

#117 Caution: Keep In An Upright Position When Full. No Tickling. Avoid Close Proximity

Image credits: pillarofindustry

#118 Forgetting To Roll Up The Window All The Way

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#119 When A Truck Filled With Eels Crashes

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#120 After 3 Years Of Work, I Graduate Today With My Master’s From Harvard. In My Office

Image credits: SlowFatGRT

#121 Ordered Shorts Off Of Old Navy, And All Of Them Came With The Security Tags

Image credits: flaminghotdillpickle

#122 I Spent A Little Too Much Time Outside While Wearing 3/4 Pants

Image credits: CuriousityChrissy

#123 One Of These Is Applesauce. One Of These Is Grease From A Deep Fryer. Guess Which One I Ate A Spoonful Of A Few Minutes Ago

Image credits: NighthawkE3

#124 Well UPS Finally Delivered My TV Stand With Tempered Glass Shelves

Image credits: Zyendo

#125 We Were Boat Owners For About 30 Minutes When This Happened

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#126 We Hiked 3 Hours To Get A Good Picture Of Our Hometown. Our City Is On The Left

Image credits: 97Hshk

#127 Took A Shortcut Cause I Had To Poop. But Ran Into BLM Protest With No End In Sight

Image credits: HiMyNameIsGabriel

#128 Don't Forget To Use Sunscreen

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#129 Found This While Walking To Work This Morning. This Is Gonna Suck Big Time For Someone

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#130 Left It In The Car

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#131 I Was Hoping For Post-Chemo Curls As A Consolation Prize After Breast Cancer. Instead I’m About To Go Super Saiyan

Image credits: youmakememadder

#132 My Compensation For Working Through A Pandemic For The Past 3 Months

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#133 It's Always A Penang Driver

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#134 Myself

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#135 Need To Keep The Light On When I Get Ready For Work

Image credits: hat7e

#136 My Photo In My College Card

Image credits: Vendruscolo

#137 Wanted To Start My Day With A Big Coffee. The Splat Even Has A Face

Image credits: supergush

#138 Today Was Suppose To Be My College Graduation. Yesterday Is Was Cancelled Due To The Coronavirus

I dropped out of high-school & this was the one chance for my parents to see me walk at a graduation ceremony. 

Image credits: Bennnnetttt

#139 Dropped A Pot Of Powder-Coating Powder All Over My Boss' Desk

Image credits: CrucifiedTitan

#140 My Mom Set The Microwave For 75 Minutes. And Not 75 Seconds

Image credits: lifewontwait86

#141 We Have Had This Couch For Less Than 24 Hours. The Dog Decided To Open A Bag Of Flour On It Today

Image credits: StunGod

#142 Hand Sanitizer Dripped Onto My Brand New Dress Shoes

Image credits: MapleSurrup

#143 My Dog Found My Rainy Day Stash And Ate It

Image credits: BullfrogOscar22

#144 Got A New Curling Iron, Guaranteed To Not Snag

Image credits: jamixthedestroyer

#145 Gotta Worry About Covid-19, Racism, And Now Ninjas. Ran Over A Shuriken Today On My Way Home From The Store

Image credits: blackjacketset

#146 Water Filter Installed 3 Years Ago. Went To Finally Change The Filter Today, Only To See That The Original Filters Were Never Removed From Their Plastic, Thus Not Actually Filtering

Image credits: skydra28

#147 Reached For A Cream On An Upper Shelf Of The Medicine Cabinet. Tipped The Entire Shelf Into The Sink

Shaving cream exploded and cracked the sink basin. Sliced my finger on the crack while cleaning this up. The cream was in another room.

Image credits: attentionallshoppers

#148 Our Company Now Has 900 Of These Pens

Image credits: mtkeepsrolling

#149 Stepped On My VR Controller

Image credits: AndrewMagirias19

#150 Just Moved To Canada. Guess What Milk Comes In Here? Bags. Guess What Puncture Easily And Spill All Over Your Fridge? Bags

Image credits: harmonicr

#151 Sat Down To Take A S**t And I Look Up To Find This Lovely Guy

Image credits: LukeC_99

#152 So I Rolled Over In Bed This Morning And Made A New Friend, About 2 Inches From My Face

Image credits: Luvythicus

#153 Sat On My Favorite Sunglasses And Broke Them. Bought Another Pair. Broke Them Instantly

Image credits: Drfeelgood22

#154 Left Two Oranges In My Work Backpack (Hasn’t Been Opened In 2 Months)

Image credits: shark_in_the_park

#155 Ordered A Stamp, Guess The Photo Didn’t Work

Image credits: DelisionalMeatball

#156 Bake Bread They Said. An Overnight Rise Will Taste So Good They Said. Put In The Fridge They Said. It's So A Rewarding Hobby They Said

Image credits: thefirstdetective

#157 My UPS Driver Ran Over My Package

Image credits: GoingGray62

#158 To Anyone Out Getting A Haircut Over The Next Few Weeks. Make Sure They Get Under The Mask/Straps

Image credits: enditallalready2

#159 New Sofa Delivered - Thanks, Forklift Truck Driver

Image credits: Kuffdam

#160 Roomba Made The Poor Choice Of Trying To Clean Up Dog Poop. After Dragging It Around The Dining Room, The Roomba Put Itself In The Corner. I’m Assuming Because Of Shame

Image credits: bigbang927

#161 Theo Is Very Confused

Image credits: cosmiPlanetMonster

#162 A Massive Mineshaft Opens Up Under A Garage At A House In Scorrier Near Redruth In Cornwall

This shaft is truly massive and is approximately 300 ft to water and god knows how deep from there!

Image credits: Mark Thomas

#163 Stone Chip Got Flicked Up By A Passing Car, Straight Into The Centre Of The Camera Lens

Image credits: Lia_ande

#164 I'm Trying To Go To A Wedding, But The Sound Of My Shoe Clapping Alerts Everyone

Image credits: Lemonscouldblemonade

#165 My Brother Used His Round Hay Baler For The First Time Today

Image credits: jeannieb

#166 The Cat Closed The Balcony Door On Me By Standing On The Handle And Pushing It Down. I Had To Wait For Someone Who Had A Key To My Apartment To Open It Up For Me. Luckily, I Had My Phone With Me

Image credits: Phipu

#167 I Tried Today

Image credits: KyrieCummings

#168 I Broke A Hammer Trying To Pry A Nail Out Of The Floorboards And It Looks Really Disappointed In Itself

Image credits: mycustomhotwheels

#169 Ever Get The Feeling There's Something You're Supposed To Be Doing

Image credits: Possiblyreef

#170 Just Six Hungry People Waiting On A Casserole At 8pm

Image credits: TheTwistedSkirt

#171 Waited For A Couple Years For My Parents To Finish This Bottle So I Could Have It. Finally Got It, And Not Even A Full 24 Hours Later, I Knocked It Over

Image credits: NeonSorokin

#172 Set My Remotes On My Heater While Cleaning And Forgot. Then Got Chilly

Image credits: hollyjoyofyourlife

#173 And At This Moment, She Knew She Screwed Up

Image credits: ThatsJustYourOpinionMan

#174 Lost My Job, And Thought I Found Some Lucky Cash While Walking Down The Trail

Image credits: Melody74

#175 Got My Mom A Heat Changing Mug With A Photo Of Us On It. She Was So Excited To Try It Out Only To Find Out That The Company Printed Some Other Person’s Picture On The Mug

Image credits: WastingTime1994

#176 My Cat Just Came Back From One Of Her Evening Strolls With Someone Else's Keys In Her Mouth

Image credits: robrobxD

#177 Facebook Charged Me $640 For Ads I Never Ran. The Charge Doesn't Even Show Up On My Fb And I Have No Active Ad Accounts

PayPal says "suck it" because it was pre-approved, even though all I had "pre-approved" was for Facebook to use my PayPal account for payments

Image credits: sktchup

#178 Guess Who Mixed Up The Smoke Flavor And Vanilla Essence When Making A Lemon-Vanilla Cake

Image credits: Space_Emperor_OG

#179 Pale Person Problems

Image credits: stonecoldsweetie_

#180 I Get This Tan Line Every Year. A Result Of My Job Outside Wearing The Same Uniform Everyday. The Tan Line Lasts Through The Winter

Image credits: svanderw12

#181 When You’re Out For A Nice Sunday Drive

Image credits: holdmybrew1

#182 If You're Wondering Why The Driver's Window Is Clean, It's Because It Was Down When The Truck Next To Me Drove Through The Puddle

And also, if you were wondering, I can tell you what puddle water tastes like.

Image credits: AdmiralLobstero

#183 Guess I Don’t Actually Own A Queen Size Mattress

Image credits: XBL_blue110

#184 My Chicken Stole A Whole Piece Of Pizza From My Plate

Image credits: BigAssPuppies

#185 Got My Old AC Moved To New House By "Professionals", Who Insisted This Is The Only Feasible Way To Install It Here

Image credits: DexterSharma

#186 It Rained A Little Yesterday In Hungary As Well

#187 I Dropped My Self Esteem As Well

#188 Grab Your S**t, We´re Leaving Now

Image credits: ashleyfryer

#189 Stepped On This Thumbtack This Morning. Not A Very Peaceful Way To Start The Day

Image credits: CarlosDanger1212

#190 License Plate Frame I Ordered Arrived

Image credits: pdot8six

#191 Left A Can Of Tuna In Here To Lure A Pesky Raccoon, Found This In The Morning

Image credits: sassysazz

#192 Attempted To Make Flower Pancakes For My Wife As A Mothers Day Surprise But They Ended Up Looking Like Corona Cakes

Image credits: ChopperNYC

#193 My Ice Maker Broke And I Only Own 1 Ice Tray. Anyone Want A Stiff Drink?

Image credits: ToshaSalad69

#194 Apparently When You Lose Your Temper And Sling A Fork And It Bounces Just Right Off The Counter It Costs Around $700

Image credits: lawble

#195 Baking My First Bread

Image credits: PSEmon

#196 Now That It's Getting Warm, I Finally Found My Missing Beanie

Image credits: ProudTacoman

#197 A Turkey Just Flew Through The Window Into My Friend’s House

Image credits: backtomyplanet

#198 My "Vv" Key Just Stopped Vvorking, Novv I Need To Use 2 V's Until I Order A Nevv Key Svvitch

Image credits: OverexposedPotato

#199 The New American Dream

Image credits: msunwrites

#200 Found A Lost Tesla Key

Image credits: TheLolThatCould

#201 Wow

Image credits: sethdoane

#202 Work Meeting Etiquette

Image credits: E_StewartLittle

#203 My Iron Fell And I Didn't Notice

Image credits: wajxcsgo

#204 No Alone Time Since Corona. Finally Got A Night Without Kids And Wanted To Take A Pic. Thank You Selective Focus

Image credits: outsider_unknown

#205 Well Then, No Soup For Me

Image credits: sadandstoned9

#206 No One Is Happy Here

Image credits: Elbobosan

#207 Weeds Have Started Growing Through My House

Image credits: Geek_X

#208 Lol

Image credits: aklee_writes

#209 I Got Band-Aid Tan Lines

Image credits: _Lily_Bear_23

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#funny news #funny videos #funny news today #funny photos

[borgeslabyrinth]

There’s been a sudden influx of fics where Flint and Silver are detectives and whoops my brain ran away with me last night. I have no idea if this will yield an actual au so I’m posting one part of it. 

In which Flint and Silver are detective partners, Silver is the living embodiment of “steal everything your gay little hands can carry”, Flint needs a vacation, and Thomas thinks it’s hysterical that everyone’s scared of his husband. It’s also slightly a Thin Man au.

(also all mentions of “Beaufort”, “the shark”, and “the mobster” are references to an earlier scene where Silver steals a glass paperweight from a mobster and names it Beaufort because Reasons)

By John’s estimate he had two hours before Max got her hooks out of Flint, which was more than enough time for how quick this job was going to be. He was going to get in, find out if Flint slept in a coffin, find something adequately sentimental to steal, and then get out. If there even was anything to steal; as far as he knew, Flint could just have a charging port like a Roomba and nothing else.

John had the door open in a few seconds and really, he was shocked (Shocked!) at how cheap the locks were. If he didn’t wind up in pieces in seven different dumpsters across the city once his thievery had been discovered, he was going to buy Flint some better locks. And maybe a security system. Or he could just give him Beaufort to act as a watch-shark, though John had a suspicion that Flint was still angry over his theft, judging by the fact that he tried to shatter poor Beaufort when John had suggested they have joint custody over the shark.

John had just closed the door behind him when he heard a noise from inside the bowels of the apartment. He was instantly on alert, one hand on his gun as he crept down the hallway. What were the chances that he walked in on a burglary when he himself was there to burgle? Or perhaps the mobster had hired a hitman to kill them because he was angry about the disappearance of Beaufort. Or maybe Flint really was the violent psychopath everyone believed him to be and he had six women held captive in some kind of torture chamber, or-

“Excuse me, what are you doing in my apartment?” A polite voice inquired behind him.

John didn’t scream as he whirled around, but it was a near thing. The man standing behind him was tall, had blond hair and didn’t seem like a threat, but that didn’t mean anything. John knew lots of murderers who seemed like very nice people on the surface. He also had a dog, but John also knew lots of murderers that had dogs. Dogs were not implicitly judges of good character.

“I’m sorry, what are you doing here? This apartment belongs to my partner.”

The man made a noise of understanding before closing the door behind him and letting the dog off the leash. “You must be John Silver.”

“How do you know that name?” He demanded, this time pulling his gun. This was absolutely retribution for the shark-napping of Beaufort. Flint was right; John was going to be brutalized over a fucking bauble.

If the man was bothered at having a gun pointing at him he didn’t show it. “Because you’ll find that this apartment belongs to my partner. I’m James’s husband.”

They were in the kitchen and “Thomas” was fixing them some coffee, though John was watching him carefully as he wasn’t fully convinced about this husband story. In the first place, Flint didn’t seem capable of showing the basic human emotions necessary to acquire a husband. Secondly, there had been not one, but two instances in which John had been discovered in an apartment that didn’t belong to him and had played the ‘secret lover’ card. Also, Flint didn’t seem like the type of person to own a terrier.

“Whose dog is that?” John asked, refusing to take his eyes off Thomas as he carefully measured out the coffee grounds and filled up the pot.

“Mine. His name is William ‘Billy Bones’ Manderly.” Thomas moved to another cabinet to get out two mugs. His knowledge of the kitchen could mean he was telling the truth, or it could mean that his intel was better than John’s.

“What the fuck kind of name is that for a dog?” John asked.

“He’s a pirate,” Thomas said as if that explained everything. “Sugar?”

“No.” Normally John took four teaspoons, but sugar seemed too easy to poison. He had read at least six books where someone put poison in a sugar bowl. “If you’re really Flint’s husband, why doesn’t he wear a ring?”

“Because, and I quote, ‘that fucking shit already knows too much about me.’” Thomas rolled his eyes as he gave a rather decent impersonation of Flint’s gruff tone.

“I’m the reason he doesn’t wear his ring?” John was decidedly pleased by this idea. It was so… 1950’s lesbian pulp novel.

“No,” Thomas said, bringing both of their coffees to the kitchen table. “He just believes that it is safer for us to keep his home life and work life completely separate.”

“So he has a secret identity? That’s so lame! Who does he think he is? Batman?”

“Well, you see, James used to be MI6, so he has a hard time trusting others.” Thomas said it casually, as if he hadn’t just brought John’s world crashing down. There was no way Flint was a spy. Flint was like the lamest guy he knew! Yeah sure, sometimes he’d bash someone’s head in, but most of the time he yelled at John for stealing things, and used a stupid flip phone, and ate soup. What kind of spy ate soup?

James was exhausted. He had had a very trying day; besides the whole event with the mobster and the hideous glass paperweight, his attempts to talk to Anne about the body in her morgue were foiled by the presence of Jack, who has really watched far too many cop dramas, then he had a departmentally mandated meeting with Max which had gone on much too long, not to mention that he hadn’t had anything to eat because Silver had stolen his soup that morning. James was tired and grumpy and he wanted his husband. Also something seemed to be wrong with the lock on his door.

“Thomas?” He called, dropping his keys in the bowl on the table in their entrance hall and removing his shoes. “Are you home?”

“In the kitchen!” Thomas called. Just the sound of his voice cheered James up. He sounded delighted which meant he probably had a story that would make James’s bad mood disappear entirely.

He expected to find Thomas making coffee or working at the table, not sitting down with the very bane of his existence.

“Silver, what the fuck are you doing in my house?”

“I’m having coffee with my new best friend!” He exclaimed with a thousand-watt grin, touching Thomas on the arm. “Is it true that you killed Thomas’s father?”

“I do wish you would stop telling people I killed your father,” James sighed, going to put the kettle on for tea. He had a feeling he would need it. “If your father ever does die under mysterious circumstances, I’m going to be the prime suspect, because you have told every single person you know that I murdered him in cold blood. Including your siblings!”

“But it’s so funny how they always believe me!” Thomas grinned, coming over to press a kiss to James’s neck. “Besides, I’d visit you in prison.”

“You didn’t kill his father?” Silver asked, sounding far too disappointed at the prospect for James’s comfort.

“Of course not. I just threw him out of our home.”

“Technically it was his home, we were just living there.” Thomas corrected, still pressed against James.

“Wait,” Silver said, suspicious. “If that’s not true- were you lying to me this whole time?”

“You broke into my home; I’m entitled to mess with you.” Thomas turned back to him, triumphant and more than a bit smug.

“He broke in?”

“I certainly didn’t invite him.”

“Everything was a lie? Even the spy stuff? Flint, why didn’t you tell me you married a super villain!?” Silver exclaimed.

“You broke into our home; he’s entitled to fuck with you.” James echoed. “Now tea time’s over- get the fuck out.”

Silver stood up and flounced over to them. “I will, but only because I’m morally outraged at this duplicity.”

“Wait!” James grabbed him arm. “Turn out your pockets.”

“Why?” Silver purred, leaning into him. “I can tell you right now; there’s no pistol, I’m just so happy to see you.”

“Turn them out,” James repeated, shoving him away.

From his pockets, Silver pulled out three teaspoons, a bookend, a pair of cufflinks, a block of fancy cheese, and a soap dish. 

James however was unsatisfied; inside John’s jacket he found the clock from the entrance hall, and from the back of his pants, tucked alongside his gun, was a third edition of The Count of Monte Cristo. Stuck into his shoe was a single chopstick.

“Just in case I come across any vampires!” Silver offered in explanation.

James didn’t know if the chopstick was his, but he confiscated it anyways, putting it on the table along with everything else.

“How did he take all of this?” Thomas asked, looking over the spread. “I was in the room with him the whole time!”

#writing about writing instead of writing #black sails #flinthamilton #silverflint #but like super pre-relationship silverflint #silverflinthamilton

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  I hope your 2021 is off to a good start!  I turned out to be right about things getting loud here the later it got.  For about an hour or so either side of midnight, it was just constant booms and cracks, some of them sounding like they were right outside my door.  I’m still not 100% sure some of it wasn’t gun/rifle fire.  So that was a pleasant adrenaline boost.  :/

Omg, I love all your answers to the asks!  XD  Some of them (especially some of the OUAT ones) reminded/clarified for me part of why I identify with Noah so much at times.  There were some very unnecessary callouts in those answers.  XD  And Chris getting ready for people to come over just makes me think of that cleaning meme.  XD  And why can I just see them after a round in the TWITTB ‘verse, Peter’s still in a daze, and Noah just, like, shrugs, and is like “I mean I’ve still got two hands and a mouth…"  XD  Question, does Noah take the collar and leash off Peter after they’ve been for a walk before or after he shifts back? ;D  And they may not have a pet, but they definitely have one of those fancy vacuums for people with pets because werewolves shed A LOT.

Also, the new preview is adorable, and I can’t wait to see where it goes.  :D  Who doesn’t love being koala hugged by a snuggly alpha?  XD  Also, the fact that they all felt safe enough to sleep that deeply in each other’s presence should have been a clue, I feel, but they are not the most aware at times.  XD

Okay, so a while back you mentioned something about Noah and lingerie or something (I was too lazy to look for the post), and when you brought up him being a total slut for long showers and baths, my brain remembered it and decided that looking up outfits would be a more productive use of my time than working on my WIP, so I’ll panic about disappointing my readers later, but in the mean time, I have some thoughts and links.  Because like I feel some of it would connect to the baths as like a self-care thing.  Sometimes it’s been a long shitty day/week, and you just want to relax and slip into something soft (and pretty), like this set, or this set.  Or a nice robe (the short one also comes in a pretty blue or purple, but I love that green) over something cute and slinky (actually, I can see him and Chris both having that one, for a combo of the French maid feel and the slimming illusion of the design.  Also because why not some matching sets, and that one’s gorgeous.  Here’s another view, presuming the links are working right.)  And let’s not forget the stuff that only gets brought out for ”special“ occasions.  Fishnets and thigh highs are added depending on mood.  And he totally has a few pairs of things like these, just for Chris.  ;D  (All the better to loom over you, my dear…)  Did probably spend WAY too long thinking about this and picking out outfits?  Yes, but my brain wouldn’t listen to me, so here we are.  XD

And you are very lucky that you specified TW, Marvel, or SPN for the Ultimate Ship thing, because tipsy!me was definitely about to send you Din/Luke until I double-checked your tags.  XD  (Side note: while looking for shoes for Noah, I found these, and my brain just kept screaming "THE CHANEL BOOTS!!!”, and I still haven’t fully recovered.  XD )

So anyway, now that I’ve inflicted my brain’s weird diversions, I really need to go get ready to meet up with a friend to see the holiday lights in a nearby park before they get taken down for the season.  (And then hopefully, maybe, finally, some writing.  D: I hope…)  I hope you and Mo are both doing well and enjoying the start of a fresh year.  Take care!  *Hugs!*

Hey B, thank you for your continued patience with my forgetfull ass <3

I hope things calmed down in your area and that you had a great day at the park with your friend <3 ❤

I looked through all the lingerie photos and my my my my my 😁😏

In case you couldn’t tell, I very much approve and I’m sure Peter does too once he sees Noah (and Chris) in some of those selections. I’d be surprised if he can keep his hands to himself at any point. XD

Omg, I love all your answers to the asks!  XD  Some of them (especially some of the OUAT ones) reminded/clarified for me part of why I identify with Noah so much at times.  There were some very unnecessary callouts in those answers.  XD  And Chris getting ready for people to come over just makes me think of that cleaning meme.  XD  And why can I just see them after a round in the TWITTB ‘verse, Peter’s still in a daze, and Noah just, like, shrugs, and is like “I mean I’ve still got two hands and a mouth…"  XD  Question, does Noah take the collar and leash off Peter after they’ve been for a walk before or after he shifts back? ;D  And they may not have a pet, but they definitely have one of those fancy vacuums for people with pets because werewolves shed A LOT.

Also, the new preview is adorable, and I can’t wait to see where it goes.  :D  Who doesn’t love being koala hugged by a snuggly alpha?  XD  Also, the fact that they all felt safe enough to sleep that deeply in each other’s presence should have been a clue, I feel, but they are not the most aware at times.  XD

Hahaha yeah, that meme was actually the inspiration for that headcanon honestly XD I’m so glad that was clear ^^

And yeah I’m pretty sure Noah just does a lot of eating out and finger magic (he’s not a druid but he’s still got the magic hands) while Peter is coming down from sensory overload after an orgasm. And Noah is very curious just how many times Chris can come before he too is overloaded.

Hehehehe well that depends doesn’t it? What they’re in the mood for. Like if Peter isn’t feeling like some sub/dom play or kinky talk, Noah will take the collar off but if he’s in the mood... well... ya know.

Oh yeah definitely, they have several roombas and a very fancy vacuum to get a handle on all the shedding.

Aware? Of their feelings? It’s less likely than you think XD But yeah, it’s a sweet little tidbit. I want to put a few of those in in this ficlet. Along with some more porn after they get the electricity running and find the bath/shower. I’m not sure what’s funnier, either omg there’s only one bed and they all fit in it or shit, there is a bed but it’s rickety and too small to even fit two of us comfortably. 

Still debating on that one. Since it’s quite late I’ll keep it at that but I hope I’ve given you some nice images?

Lots of love from me and Mo and big hugs <3

#ben says stuff #TWITTB universe #comments #B #my convos with anon #submission

[ntrending]

The weirdest things we learned this week: Sheep on meth, hopping space robots, and the economy of “Frozen”

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/the-weirdest-things-we-learned-this-week-sheep-on-meth-hopping-space-robots-and-the-economy-of-frozen/

The weirdest things we learned this week: Sheep on meth, hopping space robots, and the economy of “Frozen”

What’s the weirdest thing you learned this week? Well, whatever it is, we promise you’ll have an even weirder answer if you listen to PopSci’s newest podcast. The Weirdest Thing I Learned This Week hits iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, PocketCasts, and basically everywhere else you listen to podcasts every Wednesday morning. It’s your new favorite source for the strangest science-adjacent facts, figures, and Wikipedia spirals the editors of Popular Science can muster. If you like the stories in this post, we guarantee you’ll love the show. Check it out:

Fact: Ice was once a hot commodity

By Eleanor Cummins

In 2018, ice is everywhere. You can make it yourself by putting a tray of water into the freezer. Or you can find one of those special fridges with an in-unit ice machine and wait for the cold stuff to simply plop out into your cup. But ice used to be much, much harder to get your hands on—and in the era before A/C, it was desperately desired. That’s why, for much of the 19th century and into the 20th, ice was the cold, hard heart of an international economy called the “frozen water trade.”

How did it work? In New England and other northerly regions, ice would be cut up from frozen lakes or brought down from mountain peaks. It would be insulated (though 90 percent was still somehow lost) and transported by ship, and later, in some places, by ice, around the globe. Boom towns arose on the banks of frosty rivers, the hardy carvers besieged by frostbite and knee injuries. Ever wonder what those singing Swedes were doing in the opening sequence of Frozen? They were carving ice. In the dead of winter. (Probably to be shipped to India!)

Today, when an unchilled beverage is a rare offense and there’s so much ice to go around we can do YouTube-d dunk challenges, the frozen water industry has a twinge of ridiculousness. But for Frederic Tudor, the industry’s founder, the Ice King himself, the man who was (probably) the first to say, “Stop, collaborate, and listen, ice is back with my brand new invention,” it was the foundation a fortune.

Fact: These robots are hopping around an asteroid and sending pictures home

By Mary Beth Griggs

When I got to write about this amazing picture I was instantly charmed by its photographer: a hopping robot currently bouncing around on another world like a tiny, majestic mechanical bunny rabbit.

Rover 1B—and its twin, Rover 1B—are part of the Japanese Hayabusa-II mission. They’re currently leaping around on the surface of the crystal-shaped asteroid Ryugu taking pictures and temperature measurements. They’re autonomous, which means they decide where and when to jump. But why jump? It turns out that because the gravity on asteroids is so low, rolling wheels would just send rovers floating off into space. So instead, internal motors push the little Roomba-like bots into the area above the asteroid and send them gliding for 15 minutes, taking them about 50 feet from their last position.

This is especially exciting for Japan, which had a rover planned for its first asteroid-visiting mission, Hayabusa, back in 2005. Sadly, the rover was released from the spacecraft and tumbled off into space. (If you click on that link, the rover is circled in yellow, floating away).

The current mission to Ryugu is just getting started. A more-powerful lander was just released to the surface today and while it won’t hop around as much as the rovers, it will still be able to right itself on the asteroid surface.

Fact: Octopuses on MDMA are way better than sheep on meth

By Rachel Feltman

After editing an article about a truly delightful study about how octopuses act on ecstasy, I found myself wondering what other research on critters and recreational drugs I could dig up. I found one example that intrigued me and another that totally horrified me! We’ll start with the bad news: back in 2010, researchers (funded in part by Taser International) shocked a bunch of methamphetamine-addled sheep to show that tasers don’t pose life-threatening risks to human drug users. Some animal research is important, and some is arguably harmless (those octopuses, for example, just got very huggy and then went back to normal), but this study definitely made me squirm.

On a less disturbing note, I was excited to learn that those super-meme-able photos of spider webs made under the influence are actually exactly what the internet advertises them to be. But does a spider’s inability to weave a normal web while hopped up on caffeine mean that drinking coffee is bad for your workflow? Not exactly.

If you like The Weirdest Thing I Learned This Week, please subscribe, rate, and review us on iTunes. You can also join in the weirdness in our Facebook group and bedeck yourself in weirdo merchandise from our Threadless shop.

Written By Rachel Feltman, Mary Beth Griggs, Eleanor Cummins

#Science

[technato]

Inside TickTock’s Consumer Robot Product Explorations

Ryan Hickman, who co-founded the Cloud Robotics group at Google and helped launch the Toyota Research Institute, describes how his startup tried to make consumer home robots work

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

This is a guest post. The views expressed here are solely those of the authors and do not represent positions of IEEE Spectrum or the IEEE.

We started TickTock in March 2017, knowing that robotics was about to have a breakthrough, and it was going to start with mobility.

Soohyun Bae and I both met at Google years earlier, and had worked on augmented reality products. Soohyun went on to Magic Leap, and I helped launch Project Tango, now called AR Core. We both knew that AR’s push for mobile 3D mapping and scene understanding was causing a dramatic tech shift that would also benefit robotics. You’ll see hints of how that tech comes into play down below as we share TickTock’s explorations into consumer robotic product opportunities.

Keep it simple

Our initial goal was to make the simplest robot possible that solved a real problem for users. First we had to set our team’s expectations for what’s technically possible and what user experiences were already available. We put up pictures of dozens of robots on the wall and looked for commonality and trends.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Wall of robots for inspiration and market understanding.

There were some clear categories that emerged. We quickly ruled out most:

Toys: these products don’t pass the “30 day active” test for frequent long-term use that would allow the AI to get smarter over time

Animatronic AI’s: it’s not clear that physical motion is warranted vs being an app for an Echo Show (which didn’t exist when social robots started)

Elder care: there’s a huge opportunity here yet major hurdles in selling new technology to someone with mobility or cognitive challenges, not to mention potential regulatory or safety issues

Floor care: totally saturated market with massive price pressure from China and US distribution challenges from incumbents

STEM/Edu/Maker: we love that our kids get to play with robots in school but these short interactions don’t lead to AI learning opportunities in the way that a 24/7 active robot in the home would

A super smart robot was going to cost hundreds of dollars so we really needed a user experience with enough utility to justify the purchase. It was likely going to become a new category since nothing like it existed out there.

It had to be mobile

We were honest with ourselves about being a hammer looking for nails, in that the product had to justify being a “robot” (sense > plan > physical action > learn > repeat) and also match our individual backgrounds and passion. That’s where mobility kept shining through. Moving things, whether household items or just a suite of sensors, is something a stationary IoT gadget can’t do. We move stuff all the time in our lives, and our possessions can’t be everywhere at once, so we started with a simple point-to-point mobility robot.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

The original industrial design for the TickTock Slider.

We called it Slider, and it was “Kiva Systems for the home”. It would come with the tagline “your home, on demand” (hat tip to Donovan Bass on that one).

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

TickTock Slider coming out of its packaging like a new pet coming home for the first time.

The box would include two small plastic stands for commonly accessed items in the home to sit on. This would allow robots to drive under them, lift the item up, and bring it to you (or put it away).

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Slider could be shown where you keep things like laundry baskets

Products like trash cans and laundry baskets could be designed with a few inches of space below them for robots to move them any time.

Preventive Tidying

Could having laundry and trash receptacles nearby at all times prevent clothes and trash from landing out of place, thus preventing the need to tidy up as often? Imagine a laundry basket that knows when your kids come home from soccer practice and places itself right where their uniform would normally hit the floor.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Existing laundry baskets could go on small stands or new designs would emerge that were meant to be moved by robots. Imagine an entire aisle at The Container Store full of shelving and baskets with space underneath.

Picture waking up on trash day and all the cans are right by the door for you to dump into the bin and take to the curb — then returning the empty cans room by room after you head off to work.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Trash and recycling bins could be designed for robots or existing cans could be placed on small plastic stands included with the robot.

Beyond static plastic, we felt that an ecosystem of accessories might become possible thanks to a power port on the back. The Essential phone does a nice job of this with two pins and magnetic docking.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Two pogo pin contacts to power accessories would be on the back.

This could enable a wide host of utility that reuses the presumably expensive parts in the mobile robot base. This addresses the fact that “general purpose robotics” doesn’t jive with real world physics, and recognizes that even dexterous humans have drawers full of tools and utensils to help us get work done. Robots too will need physical affordances to interact with the world and accessories can be purpose built for specific tasks.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

An array of powered accessories would be brought to life when TickTock Slider docked with them.

Who knows, maybe people just want faster access to beer? A slide-out tray for a cooler on the ground is way more practical than a robot arm trying to reach behind the milk in your main fridge.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Robot arms are expensive and not reliable yet so why not slide out a small tray and turn storage systems into dispensers and vending machines?

Too much of an ecosystem play for a startup

The breadth of the above use cases was the problem though. There’s too much reliance on accessories for a startup to break through. Investors kept asking us “what’s the one accessory that most users will buy?”, and suggested we make that as a fully integrated solution.

Our user research showed strong opportunities for an “Echo Show on Wheels” device (which I talk about here), but investors knew that was Amazon’s job and we had to be different. The accessory that we found most traction with was in cleaning. It’s a daily task and a pain to constantly fetch supplies, especially for families with kids making messes five times a day.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Slider accessories evolved from bringing brooms and dustpans to fetching Dyson vacuums. Then it became an entire cleaning system with spray bottles, paper towels or wipes, and a trash bin. The removable hand vac was always within arm’s reach.

The Slider use case for cleaning started with the idea that we’d just go fetch a broom and dustpan. Users reacted with “ hey, it’s not the 1950’s, I need my Dyson”. So we looked at transporting a handvac (whether from Bissel, Dyson, or Hoover), but found that people keep them in closets. This kept them out of sight but also out of reach for a robot to go fetch (opening doors was out of scope).

This meant we needed something attractive enough to remain in a common part of the home, ready to make itself available when needed.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

A removable hand vacuum, or 2-in-1 vac, would need an entirely new design from the circular or D-shape floor vacs on the market today.

Additional user feedback suggested we add cleaning supplies so people could fully handle any mess, not just vacuum the floor. Busy families loved the idea of one-handed cleanup, especially parents that frequently have to clean up both dry crumbs and wet spilled milk, often with a baby in one arm.

Slider was M-O from Wall-E made real

Slider’s contextual AI would learn when it was needed (e.g. after 7am breakfast on weekdays) and come clean up any messes on the floor. You’d have quick access to a handvac if there were crumbs in the chair, plus wipes and a trash bin for other messes (e.g. the oatmeal my kids ALWAYS miss getting in their mouth).

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Pixar got a lot of things right in Wall-E. The robots were purpose built and knew when they were needed. M-O brings attitude to floor cleaning and keeps working until the floor is spotless.

The contextual relevance of knowing where and when to be was key to addressing a major complaint with current robot vacs: they aren’t there when you need them!

This brought up a new issue though. If a robot is going to be roaming around all the time, it needs to fit in among the family. There are tons of videos online where both kids and pets freak out when Roomba is active, so we needed better HRI (human robot interaction) and a friendly design.

Sir-B brings character to a utility appliance

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

The industrial design for the TickTock Sir-B added a rounded head for increased comfort when working around people. It could still clean the floor and had a removable vac.

My daughter Lily came up with the name, which started as “mister robot”. This wasn’t a vigilante hacker, so “Sir Robot” became “Sir-B”, a cute and approachable floor cleaning tidy bot.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

A “San Francisco Millennial Mom” is feeding her child while the TickTock Sir-B cleans up Cheerios on the floor. The “Mom” persona was featured prominently in our user experience designs because she still does the majority of household chores.

We didn’t plan to have Sir-B talk, but it could play songs and move in fun ways to gamify cleanup activities. Toddlers respond to the Barney Cleanup song like Pavlov’s dog and instantly start cleaning things up.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Kids learn to make chores fun in preschool and our testing found they responded well to robots moving silly and playing fun songs. It’s unclear how long that would last but the robot also had the power to turn off WiFi (on compatible routers) and turn off the TV (for service providers with a developer API).

You’d also get piece of mind when away from home by keeping an eye on things. Pets, people under care, or just checking if that pesky stove was left on.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Sir-B is cleaning up spilled food while a dog eats from a plate. Many pet owners said they worry about their animals while they are at work all day. Communicating verbally to them through the robot was also of interest.

Wait, isn’t robotic floor care a saturated market?

Yes, there’s so many robot vacs out there that price competition is fierce. Incumbents like iRobot also have huge market share backed by vast distribution systems. While we felt strongly that users were craving a Sir-B-like product, we’d still have Roomba on the retail endcap and our robot would be halfway down the aisle on the bottom shelf getting no attention.

Investors wanted nothing to do with it. Thankfully we had Bryan De Leon, an amazing Industrial Designer and User Experience Researcher, working with John Moretti, an experienced consumer electronics Product Manager, who both iterated rapidly on new ideas. Their user studies and market research led us to drop the vacuuming but keep the fun cleanup aspects.

Introducing Tidy

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

We explored many different industrial designs for a mobile transport system. There was a mix of material options to fit naturally in a modern home in addition to varying degrees of “cuteness”.

Peel back everything physical beyond mobility and you’ve got a super smart toy basket and interactive cleanup pal. Imagine age-relevant games to make kids feel like they’ve got support and motivation to tidy up.

Video: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Concept video for TickTock Tidy, the home robot that encourages kids to be responsible for cleaning up their things. It did this through age-appropriate gamified app experiences using motion and sound.

Parents in the Silicon Valley bubble loved it! Even at $700 they were thrilled at the idea of delegating some nagging to a robot that encouraged responsibility in their kids. Got teenagers who don’t listen? The robot will cut off the TV and WiFi until all out-of-place objects are where they belong.

This is where we ran into the downside of being in Silicon Valley. The bubble only extends so far and investors felt this product had no chance working across the US, let alone the globe. For that price point it had to do more!

Time to revisit the home butler robot

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Uncolored designs for the TickTock home butler concept. Users would empty their pockets onto the top tray when coming home so keys, wallet, glasses, and phone could be accessed any time on command. A large mount for a tablet with wireless charging allowed video chat using the video provider of choice.

One of the highlights of my time with TickTock came in meeting Nolan Bushnell. He’s equally known as the founder of both Atari and Chuck E. Cheese. My very first job in high school was as “Gameroom Technician” for the Chuck E. Cheese in West Palm Beach, FL, and of course Atari got me hooked on video games. Many thanks to Vijay Sundaram for the intro!

Photo: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

TickTock’s UX lead, Bryan De Leon, poses with Chuck E. Cheese and Atari founder, Nolan Bushnell, after a fun user experience conversation at the TickTock office in Santa Clara. The silliness infused in some of Nolan’s playful ideas left us smiling for days.

Lesser-known is Nolan’s breakthrough home robot efforts. He’s one of the few people to have shipped millions of dollars of mobile home robots and Androbot did it long before the benefit of modern mobile processors. His passion for fun and play are infectious and we tried to embody some of that in our next concept — the TickTock Butler Robot.

Video: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Concept video for the TickTock home butler robot. It maps a new home and then autonomously navigates to specific locations on command. Users loved the idea of remote mobile video for peace of mind and wanted to see more fun games for kids to stay on task.

The robot would let you keep an eye on things when you weren’t home. It would hold or transport commonly accessed items. Your kids might even be nudged into picking up their toys with a reward system set by the parents.

Of course we’d put the Google Assistant and/or Amazon Alexa on it as well for quick access to information in any room of the house (one robot per floor).

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

The inside of the TickTock butler robot would essentially be parts commonly found in electric skateboards and AR capable smartphones. The rest is inexpensive plastic.

User experience is everything

TickTock focused a lot on UX with voice, touch, mobile, web, and augmented reality modes for interaction. It needed to explore your home like a new pet and autonomously make a map right out of the box. Unlike a slow moving floor vac, it needed to respond quickly, which required powerful vision systems to move safely at speed.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Many of the ways to interact with the TickTock robot. Voice commands were the lowest friction and most common, while augmented reality allowed for high fidelity setup and training.

Setting up the robot and “training it” is uniquely suited for mobile augmented reality. We discovered that users didn’t require any training to simply point their phone at various locations and objects in your home to label them. From there we found that voice was the quickest way to command the robot, so we supported both Amazon’s Alexa and Google’s Assistant.

Our AR app was called ARRViz (pronounced like a pirate, “arrrr-viz” was a play on ROS’s RViz), and stands for the Augmented Reality Robot Visualizer. We found it to be super handy to see what the robot was thinking and how it viewed the world.

Video: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

Two minute highlight video of using mobile augmented reality and voice interaction to train and control a mobile TickTock robot. The TickTock software ran on the Asus Zenfone AR mounted on top of the Kobuki base.

With an Echo Show mounted on top we got onboard voice recognition and video telepresence for free. Here we can see it roaming the TickTock offices with one team member remotely dialed into the Echo Show from his iPhone’s Alexa app.

Video: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

An afternoon hack led to us mounting an Echo Show on a Kobuki to try mobile telepresence and onboard voice.

TickTock’s home robot pursuit came to an end

It’s not clear which of the ideas above will take off first, but I suspect all of these products will exist some day. My family certainly had fun experimenting with them, even in their early unfinished state.

Image: Ryan Hickman/TickTock

The evolution of TickTock robot concepts from Slider to fully integrated cleaning inspired by M-O from Wall-E.

Timing has to be right for the tech to be mature, the price to be affordable, and users have to be willing to embrace new experiences. Augmented reality tech as used on the Project Tango Asus Zenfone AR definitely showed a viable path to autonomous navigation. Unfortunately, nearly 200 investors felt that 2017 wasn’t the right time for a startup to break through in this space on cost and market readiness, so all of these ideas had to be shelved.

TickTock pivoted to commercial robot opportunities in 2018, and I’ll share those product concepts soon. We’ll still be cheering on the consumer robot sidelines for Keecker, Kuri, Misty, Temi, and whatever Amazon is cooking up to succeed!

Ryan Hickman (@ryanmhickman) started at Google in 2007, and co-founded Google’s Cloud Robotics group in 2009. When Google acquired Motorola, Ryan worked on Project Tango within Google’s Advanced Technologies and Projects group, and most recently was supporting an effort to explore new hardware device opportunities for kids and families. In 2016, Ryan joined the Toyota Research Institute as an early member of its Product team. Ryan cofounded TickTock AI in February of 2017 to apply a new approach to AI for mobile apps and physical devices, and is currently the CEO. More of Ryan’s writing is available on Medium.

Inside TickTock’s Consumer Robot Product Explorations syndicated from https://jiohowweb.blogspot.com

[adambstingus]

10+ Hilarious Wives That All Men Secretly Wish They Were Married To

Marrying someone with a good sense of humor is a one-way ticket to years of laughter, and these wives prove it. They’re creative, they’re hilarious, and they’re honestly trolls sometimes, but that can only make their husbands love them more. In fact, sharing a good sense of humor is viewed by many marriage specialists as the key to a happy union.

Relationships can get way too serious sometimes, especially when stress from work, kids, and expenses gets involved. Laughing together creates a feeling of warmth, relaxation, and bonding, and has even been said to stimulate physical attraction.

Give a round of applause for these wives who know the power of a good joke, and vote for the ones you would use on your significant other.

#1 My Wife Found A Way To Hide Her Candy

#2 My Husband Bet Me I Couldn’t Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

#3 My Wife Brought Home A Life Size Skeleton Replica, This Is What I Walked In On

#4 I Left For A Day. My Wife Knew Exactly What I Wanted To Do When I Got Home

#5 My Wife Called Me To The Bathroom To See The Work She Did On My Shampoo Bottle

#6 Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker

#7 My Wife Wanted To Let The Pizza Place Know That They’re Overdoing It With The Advertising

#8 We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog’s Flea Pills From The Cupboard

#9 Wife Pranked Her Husband With A Coyote, Photoshopped Into Their Home

#10 My Sister’s April Fools’ Prank On Her Husband

#11 Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

#12 Once My Wife Said This, I Can’t Un-See It

#13 My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12 Am This Morning. I’m Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

#14 My Wife Took This Picture And Has Been Sending It Out And Laughing About It For 3 Hours

#15 I Hope My Husband Feels Special When He Wakes Up. All Eyes Will Be On Him

#16 My Hubby’s Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

#17 My Wife Got A New Halloween Decoration. I Nearly Shit When I Walked In The Bathroom

#18 Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind

#19 My Wife (A Geologist) Purchased This For Me For My Birthday

#20 My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry

#21 My Friend Made This For Her Husband

#22 Just Got This Lovely Anniversary Note From My Lovely Girlfriend

#23 So My Wife Is Going Away For A Few Months. This Is How She Left Our Bed This Morning

#24 As Soon As She Saw It My Wife Took Them Out Of Her Bag And Left Them There

#25 My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

#26 My Wife, An Attorney, Wore Her Halloween Costume To Work Today

#27 My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Christmas

#28 This Is What Happens When My Husband, Who Is Married To A Makeup Artist, Has The Nerve To Fall Asleep Early When I’m In Town

#29 My Wife Saw A Cockroach At Work, But Didn’t Have The Means To ‘Dispose’ Of It

#30 My Wife Said “Found Your Mom’s Butt Plug”

#31 My Wife’s Yard Sale Signs For Tomorrow

#32 My Husband’s Going To Love His Valentines Day Surprise

#33 My Wife Called To Say She Picked Up 50 Shades Of Grey. This Was Not What I Was Expecting When I Got Home

#34 I Asked The Kind Lady At The Pet Shop For A Shed Tarantula Skin, To Put Amongst The Bananas To Scare My Husband

#35 My Wife Packed Me Hard Boiled Eggs For Lunch

#36 Came Downstairs And My Wife Gave Me These. Uh, Thanks Honey?

#37 My Wife Asked Me If I Wanted Half Her Twix. She Thinks This Is A Game

#38 I Too Get Bored When My Husband Is Away

#39 My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife!

#40 Christmas Shopping With The Family. My Wife Asked If The Baby Carrier Was Maybe Cutting Off My Son’s Circulation

#41 My Wife Woke Me Up To Tell Me I Needed To Fix The “Leak In The Bathtub”

#42 My Husband Told Me My Pregnant Belly Looked Like A Giant Boob. So I Put Makeup On It. He Was Right

#43 My Wife Says This Is The Only Benefit Of Being Pregnant

#44 My Husband Didn’t Want A Birthday Cake

#45 Not What My Husband Had In Mind When I Told Him I Made A Sexy Dress

#46 Look What My Wife Did To The Pug

#47 My Firefighter Husband Has To Spend Alternating Nights At The Station So I Got Him This Pillowcase To Keep Him Company

#48 My Wife Gave Me My Birthday Cake

#49 My Wife Thinks I’m Stupid Too

#50 Drove With My Husband To A Job Interview. Found This In The Parking Lot. I Think He’s Been Waiting Longer Than Me

#51 My Wife Made A New Phone Case

#52 I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me “Feel Better”

#53 Husband “Forbade” Me To Touch Alduin. This Was My Response. Alduin Totally Loves Me More

#54 My Wife Learned To Make Custom Stickers. This Is How I Found The Roomba Today

#55 Things I Send My Husband While At Work Because I Know He Will Appreciate It

#56 My Husband Says I’m “Being Immature” But I Found This While Gardening And Couldn’t Resist

#57 My Wife Is Not A Morning Person But She Had A Big Project At Work Today And Wanted To Go In Early

#58 My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

#59 My Wife And I Make Banners For Each Other On Birthdays. This Was What I Woke Up To This Morning. I Love This Woman

#60 I Told My Husband That When He Gets Tired His Eyes Turn Into Eye Vaginas, He Didn’t Believe Me So I Took A Pic And Rotated It

#61 My Wife Told Her Co-Workers She’s Pregnant

#62 Told My Wife ” I Really Don’t Want Anything Special For My Birthday” Kinda Glad She Didn’t Listen.

#63 This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I’m Sentimental

#64 My Wife Had A Little To Drink At Paint Night

#65 My Wife Has Made Mine And Our Children’s Lunches For Over 7 Years Now, Yesterday I Moaned About The Sandwiches Being Too Bland. Today I Got This

#66 Wife Made Me A Pillow

#67 I Love Pranking My Husband. So I Set Up The Storm Trooper In The Bathroom And He Nearly Crapped Himself When He Walked In There

#68 My Wife Found Out My Office Is Closing Down

#69 He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (i’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)

#70 It Appears My Wife Personalized Our Keurig

#71 Valentines Gift From My Wife

#72 T-Shirt I Made For My Husband, Trevor

#73 My Wife Was Feeling Down In The Hospital. Then She Found This

#74 My Husband And I Took Our 5 Year Old To The Amusement Park For The First Time Today. I’m 9 Months Pregnant, This Was My Favorite Ride

#75 “just Hydra Things.” I Read It Wrong, He Completed And Perfected It. #definitelynotmarvelfans

#76 My Husband Was Dreading Turning 40 And I Wanted To Make Him Not Feel So Old. So I Had A Surprise Party For Him And This Is His Cake!

#77 My Husband Was “too Tired” To Change The Babies Pooped Diaper While I Pumped…i Sent Him This Photo, He Didn’t See It Until The Morning. Diaper Was There For About 1hour.

#78 She Sent Me This when I asked her “How Long The Short Pants Were?

#79 Placed My Husband’s Heavy Shoe On A Cockroach For Him To Find.

#80 Husband Asked Me To Send Him A Sexy Pic

#81 Walked In The Bedroom The Other Day And My Wife Says “Look What I Made For You!”

#82 Husband Asked Me To Send Him A Sexy Pic Pt 2

#83 My Husband Smilingly Asked “why Are There Vegetables In The “beer Crisper”? So I Did This.

#84 My Friend Updated The Hook On Her Husband’s Closet Door. He Didn’t Notice For Two Weeks.

#85 My Hubby Loves To Leave Me Unconventional Messages..this Is What I Find When I Get Home

#86 1st Father Day, Upgraded!

#87 My Wife Buys Me Things So That She Can Come In And Tell Me “Hey! I Bought You A Present!” And Then Laugh At Me When She Sees My Look Of Curious Joy Become Crestfallen

#88 Really Loved The New Jrpg… This Is What Wife Was Wearing When I Came Home!

#89 ……ok Just One More Picture…..

#90 My Wife Likes To Leave Me Vute Notes

#91 This Is What My Husband Got For Not Emptying Out The Diaper Genie

#92 The Wife’s Turn To Make My Sarnies

#93 The Kiss

#94 Got

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/10-hilarious-wives-that-all-men-secretly-wish-they-were-married-to/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172806690177

[workreveal-blog]

Irobot The Future of vacuum cleaners

New Post has been published on https://workreveal.biz/irobot-the-future-of-vacuum-cleaners/

Irobot The Future of vacuum cleaners

While iRobot Enterprise (NASDAQ: botIRBT) launched its first Roomba 900-series robot vacuum in overdue 2015, I mused that the superior boat turned into glaringly its smartest but. From visible navigation to its tangle-loose AeroForce cleansing system, a Carpet Improve mode that robotically detects floor types, a Dust Locate mode to discover regions with higher concentrations of Dust and debris, and cloud connectivity through its smooth-to-use Home app, it’s no marvel the Roomba 900 series has has thrived no matter — as business enterprise co-founder and CEO Colin Perspective positioned it remaining zone — “having the very best quantity of competitors we’ve ever visible.”

irobot vacuum cleaner

(NASDAQ: botIRBT) Launched its first Roomba 900-series robot vacuum in overdue 2015, I mused that the superior boat turned into glaringly its smartest but. From visible navigation to its tangle-loose AeroForce cleaning system, a Carpet Improve mode that robotically detects floor types, a Dust Locate mode to discover regions with higher concentrations of Dust and debris, and cloud connectivity through its smooth-to-use Home app, it’s no marvel the Roomba 900 series has thrived no matter — as business enterprise co-founder and CEO Colin Perspective positioned it remaining zone — “having the very best quantity of competitors we’ve ever visible.”

However in advance this week, iRobot unveiled new cloud-based totally technology that now not simplest improves Roomba’s user-friendliness, But also marks a big step in its tasks to boost linked homes and the Internet of factors — that is, the concept of including Internet-primarily based capability to normal objects.

“Alexa, ask Roomba to start cleaning.” First, iRobot launched a new edition of the house App that includes “Clean Map reports.” Those reports most drastically offer visible submit-cleansing maps created via the Roomba as it cleans, as well as beneficial records about the robotic’s cleansing overall performance consisting of the whole rectangular photos cleaned, the wide variety and area of Dust Come across events brought on, cleansing length, charging time, and some other mistakes or notifications the Roomba throws (for instance, if the bin is complete or the unit is caught someplace). The brand new app is already available for download.

What is more, iRobot is integrating Amazon.Com’s Alexa voice-activated manage with all connected Roombas, so that you can let users begin, stop, or pause Roomba cleaning jobs with simple voice commands like “Alexa, ask Roomba to begin cleansing.” The Alexa talent for Roomba can be launched for U.S. customers in the 2d region and might be well suited with all linked Roomba vacuums.

To be honest, These might look like small upgrades to iRobot’s connected Roomba platform. However word that in its press release, iRobot tellingly refers to the actions as their “next step in the connected Domestic.”

iRobot Chairman and CEO Colin Angle elaborated:

iRobot is aggressively pursuing possibilities in the linked Domestic to enhance our clients’ enjoy with our cleansing robots. The brand new updates for the iRobot Home App make cleaning with an iRobot Roomba vacuuming robotic even extra consumer-friendly, with voice-activated commands, greater mapping capabilities, and useful post-cleaning reports. Those are exciting next steps in the direction of our vision of an surroundings of Home robots that paintings collaboratively and in addition allow the clever Home. [Emphasis mine.]

To make sure, iRobot could easily segue this technology to permit families with larger ground plans to deal with multiple Roombas working together. And even as Roomba might also generate most of the people of iRobot’s revenue as it stands, the organization gives a number of different linked Domestic robots. Those encompass its floor-mopping Braava jet model, which quickly have become iRobot’s No. 1-selling SKU in Japan following its introduction there remaining yr. And based totally on current FCC filings, we additionally know that iRobot is inside the early ranges of constructing a robotic lawn mower that might speak and set its barriers the use of a convenient wi-fi beacon device.

What is more, iRobot executives have spoken at length in latest years approximately using the cloud to permit their robots to analyze more approximately their environment, which extends to each navigation and — over the longer term — even recognizing the great way to control sure gadgets.

“as an example,” offered former iRobot vacuum cleaner CTO Paolo Pirjanian all through a 2014 interview, “this object is a cup, and so I ought to clutch it like this; it looks like it’s a tumbler, so I need to grip it tight enough so it doesn’t slip, However now not too difficult so it breaks.”

irobot vacuum cleaner

In short, that is best the top of the iceberg regarding iRobot’s connectivity and Internet of factors efforts. And as an established shareholder, I cannot wait to peer What’s subsequent.

Neglect iRobot : “Total conviction” buy sign issued The Motley Fool’s co-founders, David and Tom Gardner, rarely agree on a stock. However after they do, their alternatives have beaten the market by using 6X on common.*

It’s why many investors recall their joint stamp of approval to be a “Total conviction” signal to buy. The Motley Idiot recently announced a brand new “Total conviction” stock…and it wasn’t iRobot !

In this newsletter I am preparing to, in an independent effort, make it my purpose to appropriately offer you with all of the functions and attracting factors of the iRobot 532 Vacuum. There have been plenty of chat recently referring to this new sort of vacuum and how it’s far in a position at therefore i assumed that I might without a doubt discover what exactly the fuss become about. this is what I have discovered concerning the iRobot 532 Vacuum.

The primary issue which caught my interest whilst checking out into the iRobot 532 Vacuum has been the layout. The iRobot 532 Vacuum was to start with designed Those of you that certainly owned residence animals. The iRobot 532 Vacuum can Smooth up to three everyday sized regions on what should probable be one unmarried fee. To aid in pet cleaning, the iRobot 532 Vacuum offers you an smooth-to-Smooth pair of brushes, a sweeper bin with a purpose to draws in puppy hair completely, in addition to kitty clutter and puppy dander. The iRobot 532 Vacuum cleaner additionally gives you cleansing tools to maintain the brush sets Easy, having a counter-rotating brush to attain greater deeply into carpeting and rugs in order that it could get rid of puppy dander and pet hair.

The alternative one thing which stuck my curiosity When searching at into the iRobot 532 Vacuum were technological. The iRobot 532 Vacuum gives a couple of virtual walls so one can teach it precisely wherein it has to clear truly through discovering zones which have been off limits. While the iRobot 532 Vacuum has finished vacuuming, it will on automobile-pilot return to its small in size and commence self-charging at the home Base dock. What is more, it makes use of a extra long lasting bristle to go looking extra deeply into carpeting with a view to find the pollen, particles, grime, and dirt that this iRobot 532 Vacuum then traps in its filtration. The iRobot 532 Vacuum additionally offers technology that rapidly selections up as well as avoids stairways and numerous drop off factors for your own flooring, then alternatives up areas which might be dirtier compared with others to make extra time tidying up.

Therefore as you’ve got visible, the iRobot 532 Vacuum offers a excellent useful resource for folks who very own house animals both inside the actual engineering in addition to the design. I’d advise this system to every person who has dogs and cats, no matter the fact that have a vacuum cleaner for the reason that iRobot 532 Vacuum can pick up the mess your different vacuum left in the back of and also present you with introduced time to yourself.

In case you are integrated a method to help ease some of your household responsibilities, built-includes vacuumintegratedg your built-ingintegrated, the iRobot Roomba 980 Vacuum built-inintegrated Robotic may just be the product that permit you to. With its ability to clean a whole floor, whilst rechargintegratedg itself to do until the task is fbuiltintegrated, the Roomba 980 is integrated and requires less from you so you can retain on along with your daily exercises.

As with any product built-in, there are usually thrillbuiltintegrated functions that paintings nicely for a few, and then there are different functions that could lack some improvement. To focus on a number of the beneficial and nicely-built-inintegrated factors of the iRobot Roomba 980, you decideintegrated if this available household device is proper for you.

With its potential to hoover simply any floor built-in, whether or not it is carpet, tile, or timber, the iRobot Roomba 980 Vacuum integrated Robotic successfully regulates itself built-in on the type of floor your own home may additionally have One of the maximum fascinating functions of this product is this is can be commanded out of your mobile tool. For builtintegrated depend heavily on generation or honestly love integrated it, the iRobot Roomba has, consequently with the iRobot Home App, you can schedule your Robot to easy at a specific time built-in addition to set your preferences for a custom Cleanbuiltintegrated. The setup with the app is straightforward and easy to begbuiltintegrated usbuiltintegrated. Not like your average vacuum, the iRobot Roomba have an AeroForce built-inCleansbuiltintegrated Device with Carpet Increase that built-in it to present almost 10x the air electricity on carpets and rugs.

Some other element of the Roomba 980 is its height, that is simplest three.6″ tall. built-ing it has the potential to healthy under the ones difficult to reach places that even your common vacuum won’t be capable of get to which builtintegrated furniture, beds, and backboards. This vacuum possesses human-like functions, built-inintegrated havbuilt-ing the ability to see whereintegrated it is built-inintegrated with its camera, that is a device used to build a map, servbuilt-ing as its manual to refer returned to and built-ind whereintegrated it is able to and can not pass to built-in your property. Its builtintegrated memory also serves as its guide all through your entire house built-in addition to the direction it needs to take to get lower back to its base.