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hrts4soyeon · 1 year

Text

Back To You

Yunjin x fem!reader

Genre: angst, idol!au

Warnings: angst, violence(?), yelling, toxic relationship, cursing

summary: no matter how much Yunjin hurt you you couldn't ever seem to let go of her. Will you ever draw a line or will you continue to go back to her?

Word count: 7,050

a/n: this is my first time writing something other than an essay and I’m not the best in english class so if there are any spelling or grammatical errors pls ignore it i tried my best😕

i know you say you know me know me well

Jennifer huh, you had known her since 1st grade. She was a year older but you were put in a combined class with 2nd graders. You had been sitting to the side isolating yourself while everyone ate together and talked, you had always kept to yourself. This fascinated her. Jennifer was known as the popular girl who was friends with everyone. Everyone loved her because although she was popular it never seemed to change her personality. She remained the nicest person in class, always helping the teachers and students out. You weren't a bad kid either, quite the opposite actually. You took smartness to a whole new level, that was the reason you were in the mixed class, you were amongst the smartest 1st graders

You weren't hard to look at either. In fact by 3rd grade you already had admirers, but by 4th grade all of them had disappeared. Whenever one of the boys would try to talk to you you’d turn red due to your stuttering and before even 3 words were out your mouth you'd run away.

Jennifer took interest in you, despite the fact that you constantly strayed from her. Most people would just take the hint and leave but she was persistent. This seemed very strange to you as no one ever tried this hard. You did want to be her friend but for some reason you couldn't bring yourself to even respond to her.

By 4th grade you and Jennifer were inseparable, you two did everything together. All her persistence really did pay off in the end because by 8th grade it was her who was trying to run away from you. Of course she still loved you more than anyone but you could be overbearing at times and with her short temper things often didn't end well.

“GOD WHY CAN'T YOU GO FIND SOME OTHER FRIENDS AT SCHOOL! YOU KEEP CLINGING TO ME AND IT'S ANNOYING I CAN LITERALLY NEVER CATCH A BREAK FROM YOU!”

‘She doesn't mean it, she doesn't mean it’ is what you'd repeat to yourself whenever these situations arrived. You'd been friends with her since before her temper was so out of control and you knew her, the real her. She said a lot of things out of anger and you knew that. She had brought this topic up before a bit more calmly and so you knew her blowing up was your doing.

“I'm sorry, I'll try to change and get more friends to stop annoying you.” you said trying to keep your voice from wavering even more than it had been. But as soon as she processed the small waver in your voice her whole demeanor shifted, you could see her physically melt.

“I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have blown up at you like that, but you know how I get mad easily and if you had just listened to me none of this would've happened. I'm just stressed out and I hope you can forgive me, I'll try to be better and control my anger.”

“nono don’t apologize, I'm sorry I should've just listened and I will, I'll try to give you space at school.” After this left your mouth she walked up to you and hugged you.

but these days i don't even know myself (no) i always thought i'd be with someone else i thought i would own the way i felt (yeah)

“y/n, wanna come to my home after school?”

“I have a lot of homework and I have plans with mina…..” just as you were about to decline you saw her looking at you with that look, the look you could never deny.

“-but i think i could move the plans with mina to tomorrow.” at the sound of you relenting she started squealing and hugging you.

“Meet me after 7th period and we can walk home together.” she said with a wink as she walked to her next class.

Mina Myoui, she was a year older than you just like Jennifer meaning you two didn’t share the same classes. You two shared only one class which was math. You were both also very introverted so it took a while for this friendship to blossom but once it did you were so glad Jennifer told you to find new friends.

You stopped clinging to Jennifer as much and spent a lot more time with Mina, and found you two were very similar. You even thought you were developing a crush on her, she was just so perfect. She never got mad at you and was always calm, she loved to listen to you and your problems and to top it all off she was definitely one of the prettiest people you had come across. She had such delicate yet elegant features. She had definitely been a queen in her past life.

You wanted to tell Jennifer about this little (almost?) crush on Mina but knowing Jennifer she would probably be fuming with the thought that you’d replaced her. On top of being easily pissed off, Jennifer Huh was also a person with a lot of jealousy in her and you didn't want to do anything to upset her.

The more you hung out with Mina the more you realized that maybe this wasn't a crush, you felt almost the same way towards Mina as you did to Jennifer. Jennifer was your bestest friend. You couldn't like her right? That would be weird, you guys had known each other since you were in 1st. You guys were basically siblings, right? The more you thought about it the more you felt sick by the thought that Jennifer saw you as just a sister.

School had ended and you were both in Jennifer's room sitting on her bed when she suddenly said ‘we need to talk’ . This took you by surprise as you didn't think you had done anything to upset her this past week, you were very nervous. Her whole demeanor changed, she sat up straight and had a serious look on her face.

“Okay uhm, I've been thinking about doing this for a while now but i haven't had the courage to actually confront you and say something about it. I uhh ever since I saw you in first grade I always thought that you were different from the rest of the students, you stayed to yourself and you uhm even when guys would talk to you or confess to you, you would always run away and you never really let anyone in. i think i was pretty determined and i eventually got you to open up and now i have you forever, and even though i can be such a shitty person and friend at times you never leave me. You could have ditched me so many times and I bet others would too, hell I would leave myself, but you never left me. You’re like the best person I know and I don't know what I'd do without you — anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I love and appreciate you so much but I don't want to be your friend anymore, I can't be.” as soon as you heard her last sentence your heart dropped in your chest and tears started welling up in your eyes, your smile now a deep frown. This couldn't be happening, Jennifer was your whole world.

“Y-y-you d-don't wanna be my f-friend any m-more?” you stuttered out the tears in your eyes almost falling as you will yourself to hold them back, but alas one single tear drop fell. With the fall of that one tear drop it was as if a dam had broken, all the tears you had tried to hold back were coming down nonstop.

Jennifer immediately reached out and wiped you tears with her thumb as she took a hold of your face.

“No, I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna be more. I love you, but not in the way I'm supposed to, I love you as in I wanna hold and kiss you, I wanna introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend. I don't want you to like, love, or hold anyone but me, I want all your friends to know that you belong to me and I belong to you. What do you say, be my girlfriend?” hearing this you started sobbing even harder while nodding your head. Not even in your wildest dreams would you have dreamt of THE Jennifer huh, the most popular girl in your school to want you. Maybe she didn't see you as a sister after all, maybe you didn't see her as one either

Seeing you nod, Jennifer pulled your face to hers and crashed your lips together. This was all she had wanted for as long as she could remember. You tried your best to respond to her kiss but you honestly had no idea on what to do, you had never kissed anyone before. Jennifer being the most popular girl, had been in relationships so she obviously had experience.

She pulled away laughing at the fact that you couldn't respond to the kiss

“whattt, you know I've never been in a relationship nor kissed anyone.” you said whining

She chuckled and responded by saying that she’d teach you how to kiss and that you would never kiss lips that were not hers. You spent the rest of the time in her room just kissing and her demonstrating and telling you what to do.

Dating Jennifer sent you through a whirlwind of emotions. You were confused, confused about what you felt towards Mina and how that differentiated from your feelings towards Jennifer. You loved Jennifer, you really did but that left you with questions about your feelings for mina. You thought what you felt with Mina might've been a bit stronger than what you felt for Jennifer, but you couldn't risk losing them both, you weren’t sure about your feelings for Mina, not even sure if they’d be reciprocated but Jennifer was there. She loved you, you loved her, and you loved Jennifer too much to let her go, too much to put your own feelings before hers. Telling yourself that Mina was nothing more than a friend you found yourself slowly believing that.

You couldn't tell whether you were happy or disappointed as Mina's expression did not change when you told her you were dating Jennifer. For the most part she seemed happy for you and you tried to tell yourself that you were even happier with that.

It was a new school year, mina and Jennifer were now seniors and you a Junior. As much as you tried to tell yourself you didn't like her, your feelings for Mina were not going away as fast as they should have been and you were starting to get worried. You tried to distance yourself from Mina and told yourself it would benefit yours and Jennifer's relationship.

Your mentality that this was the right thing came crashing down when you saw mina’s face as you bailed on her for the 2nd time that week. Telling her you had too much homework and couldn't hang out with her. The way her face fell hurt your heart and within the minute of you two just standing there in silence you realized how selfish you had been, only thinking of your own feelings and not minas. You’d never felt more shitty, you couldn't stand seeing anyone else sad at the doings of your own especially not Mina. You immediately took back what you said and asked her if you guys could first go to your home first to finish a bit of homework before going out.

The way her face lit up when all you had done was go through with your plans made your heart crumble. You promised yourself you'd never be the cause of a sad expression on her face again.

The more you hung out with Mina the more you realized maybe this was the right way to get over your feelings for her. You both would talk about Jennifer and it made you realize how much you loved her and never wanted to lose her. Mina was ecstatic at seeing her best friend so happy with another. You found your mind leaving Mina and focusing on Jennifer. You questioned yourself and wondered how you ever doubted your feelings for jennifer.

I call you but you never even answer i tell myself i'm done with wicked games

Huh Yunjin, her Korean name. Seeing as she was in Korea it only made sense for her to go by it now. Both you and Yunjin had moved to Korea a while back, pursuing a life of fame. She was now a trainee at HYBE while you were at JYP. The original plan was for you two to enter the same company but fate had other plans. The day Yunjin was accepted into HYBE you were accepted into JYP. You both had applied to a lot of agencies and been accepted but these were the first BIG companies to reach out to you. Taking into account that you’d see Mina more often you accepted the fact that HYBE didn't accept you and chose to join JYP.

“This is the second time you’ve called her within the 30 minutes you’ve been here, just accept that she's not picking up.'' Mina said with a groan as you put your phone down.

“She never answers, I know she’s probably overwhelmed with work right now seeing as she's set to debut in a month but I wish she could at least send me a text.”

“But aren't you set to debut in 2 months, just barely a month after her?” Mina responded making you think about it. But it was different, her debut was closer to happening than yours. You knew of her dream to be famous and you shared that dream with her, if she wanted to be an idol she had to prioritize that over everything, right? You understood that and so that's what you said to mina.

“She's gonna debut sooner though and I can't be her top priority, her job has to be.” after processing what you had just said minas head snapped towards you looking at you like you had gone mad.

“I'M an idol y/n i've been an idol for years and trust me when i say that's not an excuse, don't you remember when you were still in New York and i was in Korea? Although I was an idol I still made time for you. Look at yourself, you're in the same position as her yet here you are clearly prioritizing her.” you didn't know what to say in response to this, you wanted to deny it to say that you've matured, that you didn't let Yunjin walk over you anymore but even you knew that was a lie.

“Okay okay, I'll talk to her after things are less stressful for her and I'll make sure that she sees me as a priority, and I'll make sure she sticks to her word.”

But then i get so numb with all the laughter that i forget about the pain

You were currently in Yunjins dorm which she shared with Eunchae and Chaewon. You all were in the kitchen eating, you found yourself coming here often after their debut. You had come to talk to her about her recent behavior, how she promised she would change but hadn’t at all. You got caught up with everything else though and the thought to tell her completely slipped your mind.

“So y/n how does it feel to have your official debut in a couple of weeks?” Chaewon asked

“Honestly it feels unreal. I still can't believe it's gonna happen, I'm so excited.” you responded, a huge grin on your face at the thought that your name would be out there in a couple of weeks.

“Okay now for the good stuff, who's your favorite member?” Eunchae asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“They're all my favorite butttt haewonnie, and only ‘cause we’re closer.” you responded. You loved them all but if you were being honest it was definitely Haewon. They all gasped at the revelation. You noticed Yunjin looking at you a bit weird but you brushed it off saying it was nothing.

“Okay, okay but who’s your favorite le sserafim member?” Chaewon asked, all three of them looked at you expectantly

“Hmmm, if I had to choose Kazuha.” You said her name really fast, almost slurring it but they all had caught it and saw the grin growing on your face.

“I'M TELLING KAZUHA UNNIE THIS!” Eunchae shouted as she pulled out her phone to text this to Kazuha.

“We’re over, I can’t date someone who prefers my member over me.” Yunjin said in faux disappointment, acting as if she would start crying.

You got up, walked around the island and went to hug her while saying sorry and that you loved her more while laughing.

“Okay but you don’t count because my love for you is indescribable and if I were to bring you into it then none of your members would even have a chance.” She seemed to be satisfied by this and grabbed your face to plant a soft sweet kiss on your lips

“EWWW THERE'S A KID HERE!” Eunchae said, screaming while covering her eyes.

Chaewon on the other hand was awwwing at how cute you too were while you had your face flushed red and hidden in Yunjin's chest. You and Yunjin had been dating for years yet you still had the same red face every time she initiated physical contact.

(Woah)You stress me out, you kill me, you drag me down, you fuck me up we're on the ground, we're screamin' i dont know how to make it stop i love it, i hate it, and i can't take it but i keep on comin' back to you

“God, you’re so possessive. get over it! I can have friends other than you, you’re always trying to dictate my relationships and I’m SO over it!” She yelled at you, and you whimpered at her harsh words

Your lips slowly formed a pout feeling your lips wobbling, a telltale sign you were gonna start crying. Usually the sight of you crying would calm Yunjin down but it didn’t this time, it only infuriated her more.

“Oh my god, no way you’re gonna start crying now.” She said in disbelief as you tried to hold back your tears to prove her wrong.

“I'm sorry for actually feeling emotions, unlike you. Am i not allowed to be upset when i see millions of people shipping you, MY girlfriend with another. And it's not like you do anything to beat the dating allegations. Pulling her onto your lap calling her pet names you should be using on ME!” you said panting as you had screamed all that out.

You thought that maybe getting all that out she’d understand at least a little of how you were feeling. You saying all that though was a huge mistake, it only made her even more mad, you only realized your mistake when you saw her mouth open and the look on her face of complete rage.

“Ohh so now this is my fault? My fault for being comfortable with my friends? Have you ever seen me comment on your relationship with Mina? You're basically dating her with how close you two are, you call her every name in the book, you literally call her your soulmate. Have I ever said anything about that? No, because unlike you I was happy when you finally found a friend that wasn't me and I encouraged your friendship with her if anything. Stop acting as if you own me, you're genuinely such a shitty person, what the hell do you want from me? For me to completely isolate myself from all the girls? As my girlfriend you should be happy for me, that i have such good friends in my group but nooo. This is what I get? I can really see where your priorities are.” if you weren't crying before you were definitely sobbing by now.

You were always a sensitive person and hearing all this coming from her made you wanna bury yourself in a hole. You never felt more selfish and it made you so mad at yourself for only thinking of your feelings. You understood where she was coming from and all you could think of was how to make this up to her.

You knew you could counter her points easily as you and mina still had boundaries and she knew about how you ignored mina for the first few weeks of you two dating. It was because you were unsure of your feelings towards Mina but that wasn't the only reason. You saw that Yunjin was getting jealous with the thought that you cared more about Mina as more than a friend. This was also a major reason as to why you distanced yourself from Mina.

You also talked to her about it, you asked her if she was comfortable and fine with you and mina being friends. After that conversation she never doubted your relationship with mina. You could also bring up the fact that you and Mina shut down ANY idea of you two dating when your friendship was first discovered by the public. You had always made it known how good of a friend Mina was. You and Mina were known as nothing more than friends.

But alas, you didn't want to fight anymore, you just wanted this to stop. You loved her and she loved you and as her lover causing these problems shouldn't be a thing you should do.

“I'm sorry babe, you're right I was being unreasonable and you are allowed to have friends, i don't want you to think you aren't. I just really don't want to fight anymore. Can we please just go to sleep? I love you and I don't like fighting with you.” you said sniffling and wiping your tears as you walked towards her wanting a hug.

You could tell by the way she wrapped her arms around you she didn't want to, but seeing you crying and looking to her for comfort for the tears she caused made her happy. She was happy that she was the one you found comfort in no matter the reason, but it did not overlook the fact that she was still MAD. you were aware of this fact yet you didn't let it phase you as you held onto her shirt tighter burying your face in her chest as you gripped her shirt in your fists.

Yunjin wanted so badly to embrace you tighter but she couldn't, she wouldn't. You needed to know that you couldn't just pull this shit then expect it all to go away as soon as you cry. It hurt her to hurt you like this but your words really made her mad and the more she thought of your guyses fight the more her sympathy for you left.

She wouldn't leave you alone crying though, as mad as she was at you she wasn't heartless and she still cared for you a lot. She picked you up bridal style and carried you to your room, your face still buried in her shirt and you hiccuped in between your sobs. She laid you down slowly and as soon as her back hit the bed you snuggled up against her and soon enough you fell asleep. When your members came back to the dorm they awwed at the sight of you two snuggled up together and took pictures of it not knowing about the fight that transpired leading up to it.

The next morning when you awoke she was gone, all she left behind was a small note saying to text her when you weren't as selfish and didn't think you could dictate her relationships. You silently sobbed as you read the note knowing you couldn't cry too loud or else your members would hear and they would worry for you.

You didn't want anyone to see Yunjin in a bad light, especially not your members. That morning Yunjin’s phone was blown up with messages from you telling her how sorry you were and that you would never ‘dictate’ her relationships again, and begging her to respond(she didn't).

I know my friends they give me bad advice, like move on get you out my mind, but don't you think i haven't even tried you got me cornered and my hands are tied

It had been a whole two weeks since Yunjin had unofficially ended things with you, you hadnt left bed other than to go to mina’s dorm and lay in her bed. The only thing that kept you going was the thought that she hadn’t fully ended things.

“Dude, just stop thinking of her, it's that simple. If you don't think of her you won't remember what happened and you won't be depressed. Also when will you tell your members about the break up?” Mina said from right next to you as you were both lying in her bed.

“Ughhh it's really not as easy as you say, you've been there since we started dating. Of all people you should get that, and it's not like I wanna be hung up on her, and it’s not an official break up, just a break. Shes doing this for the stupidest fucking reason too, Like maybe if it was something serious but this!? This is literal bullshit.” you said your arms flailing around trying to get your disbelief at this whole situation out.

“Babe you and I both know you definitely don't wanna get over her with those daily messages and I think I know the reason you haven't told your members. I just wanna hear you say it so you can hear for yourself how badly you still want her.”

“Okay, maybe I don't wanna get over her, but is that so unexpected? We've been together for years. I love her more than anyone, and yes i haven't told the members because if she does accept my apologies and does take me back then i don't want them to see her in a bad light. I don't wanna give them a reason to dislike her because I know they'll hold it against her by seeing how badly the ‘breakup’ affected me.” you replied looking down at the fingers you were fiddling with.

Even mina didn't know the full truth, she obviously knew most of it but not all of it, always the one to protect Yunjin you were. She obviously knew about how bad Yunjin’s anger issues were, that was common knowledge. You had told her about the fight but left out the parts that you could've said to counter Yunjins statement.

She didn't think either of you were wrong, although she obviously favored you as you were her best friend. She wanted to hate Yunjin for doing this to you and making you so sad but she couldn't. Not with knowing how much the girl loved you. She knew this would pass, no way you two could stay away from each other.

You got me so addicted to the drama i tell myself i'm done with wicked games but then i get so numb with all the laughter that i forget about the pain

Minas' predictions turned out to be true, the next day Yunjin messaged you back. You were ecstatic, she had asked to meet up with you to talk and you obviously agreed.

“I'm so sorry Jen, I was really wrong and I don't think I can bear to lose you. You're the love of my life, the only person I'll ever love, please take me back.” you said all in one breath looking at her intently.

“Nono, I'm sorry,I was such a dick. I promise you I'll never do ‘this’ again or even hurt you again. This break made me realize how much I needed you and how much I can't live without you. I love you so much, so please, will you take me back?” she asked with uncertainty as she stared at you, you felt the same way you felt back in her room all those years ago when she confessed to you, and she looked the same.

Your reply was obviously a yes, a big yes. You jumped on her and squeezed her as tight as you could while crying. You were so happy, this was WAY more than what you expected, she had actually reflected on her actions and apologized. You were over the moon.

And I guess you’ll never know all the bullshit that you put me through and i guess you'll never know, no

Breaking news: LE SSERAFIM’s Huh Yunjin seen out with aespas Ningning! Both of them getting a little closer than usual friends, if the angles were better god knows what we’d have seen.

What. The. Fuck. Those were your only thoughts as you read through the article then saw the pictures below. You couldn’t tell because of the angle but it definitely looked like they were kissing. You didn’t know how to feel, your members burst into your room looking at you worriedly. By the look on your face they could tell you had seen the news.

Everything was hazy, you just asked Haewon to drive you to Minas place and she obliged seeing the state you were in. You were completely silent the whole way there, the whole car was silent except the faint sound from the outside of the car. It was like you had turned off your emotions, but as soon as you saw Mina waiting there on the sidewalk for you you burst out into tears

Mina knew you’d come to her after reading the news of what happened and so she sat there waiting at the gate of her apartment building. As soon as you stepped out of the car she saw that you burst into tears. She ran up and to your side to hug you and lead you into her apartment.

You knew that many other people lived in this building and that they could all see you sobbing into Mina’s shirt but you didn’t let that phase you. Other opinions on you were the last thing on your mind.

“I’m going to beat the fucking shit outta her.” Those were the first words to leave Mina's mouth once you entered her flat.

She was pacing around the room, her hands running through her hair, you didn't think you'd ever seen her more mad. Mina was always the calm one, the one who never let anything get to her. This time Mina was livid, she was so done with Yunjin pulling this type of stupid shit and you forgiving her,

You wanted to say something, scream even, but you couldn’t get any words out of your mouth. Whenever you started crying really hard, the sobs would always be followed up with hiccups and because of this you couldn’t seem to speak.

“I…” you felt so frustrated, you wanted to speak, tell her how mad you were but you couldn't seem to get it out.

Seeing this Mina sat down next to you, her anger seeming to dissolve at the sight of you, she wrapped her arms around you and didnt say anything. She just sat there with you, Mina had known you since you were in 8th grade, she knew how to calm you down.

After a while of crying you calmed down a bit. The small things Mina had been whispering to you had helped a lot and you finally felt like you could speak.

“I-I can't believe she would do this, I can't believe she would throw everything away like this— am I not good enough? Where did I go wrong?” you sobbed out into Minas shirt.

Minas heart broke seeing your state of distress, she had never been more mad. She wanted to kill Yunjin at that very moment, you deserved so much better than that cheating bitch. She wanted desperately to say this to you but she knew it wouldn't do you any good so she kept these feelings to herself.

NMIXX’s l/n y/n seen crying at TWICE’s Mina’s apartment building with Mina comforting her just 20 minutes after Huh Yunjin was seen with Ningning. Could there be a connection between these two idols? We’re aware of Yunjin and y/n’s friendship but could it be something more?

Comments:

Anonymous: omg i was there when y/n arrived at the building, mina ran to her side and guided her all the way up. Poor y/n she's so lucky to have a good friend like mina but istg if huh yunjin had anything to do with this ill hunt her down.

Anonymous: this is what ive been saying!!! y/n and yunjin are wayyy too close to be normal friends. Huh yunjin sucks ass, she cheated on my girl y/n and god knows what else shes done.

Anonymous: y/n come be with me, id never cheat on you or put you through what yunjin does. God knows how yunjin even pulled y/n, y/n is like an angel and to cheat on her is actually insane. Who in their right mind would cheat on THE l/n y/n!

Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was the only word going through Yunjins mind, how could she have been so careless and gotten caught? As she read the comments on the article she felt even worse than before, y/n gave her everything she needed. Why did she have to be so dumb? Why had she gone out and ruined everything?

As soon as Yunjin arrived at her dorm she mentally prepared herself for what her members were gonna say. She took a deep breath, unlocked the door and entered. She found all of her members sitting on the couch in her living room in silence as she walked in and headed towards them. Kazuha had to be physically restrained by Chaewon so as to not hurt Yunjin right then and there. She was the closest out of the members to you and she wanted nothing more than to deck Yunjin in the face.

“Why, why would you do that to her? She's literally the girlfriend ANYONE would kill for, she's perfect, she could easily bag anyone in this industry yet she chose you. Why would you do this to her?” Chaewon asked Yunjin in a calm tone which surprised Yunjin, she looked like she'd explode any minute. Her face was red and Yunjin could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

“I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I did it, I wish I didn't. I really wish I could take it back.” Yunjin said, her hand running through her hair as she stood in front of everyone.

“You only wish you could take it back because you were caught, if this wasn't released i bet you wouldn't regret it, hell I bet you’d do it again.” Kazuha said and Yunjin could hear the anger seeping into her voice.

Yunjin couldn't say anything to retort that because she honestly didn't know if she would. she wanted to say she wouldn't that she regretted it because she loved you but was that really the truth?

(yeah) so you can cut me up and kiss me harder you can be the pill to ease the pain 'cause i know i'm addicted your drama baby here we go again

“Baby please, just listen to me, please just give me a chance to explain.” Yunjin begged as she stood at Mina's door, Mina had made the mistake of opening it not knowing who was at the door and now Yunjin wouldn't leave.

“Get the fuck out.” Mina said through gritted teeth, she had balled her fists up, and was trying her best not to hit Yunjin. She swore if she didn't leave in the next 5 minutes she wouldn't hold back anymore, for the sake of you though, she endured 5 minutes.

“Please just let me talk to her.” Yunjin begged as she tried to look over Mina's shoulders to get a look at you but Mina had completely blocked any views inside.

“I swear to god if you don't leave right now…'' Mina said, again trying to get Yunjin to leave but for obvious reasons Yunjin hadn't given up and Mina had counted 5 minutes.

Mina had never been a violent person, nor someone to get angry easily but Yunjin was really getting on her nerves and her not leaving pissed her off even more. The next action Mina took came as a big surprise to Yunjin because she would have expected this from anyone but mina. Mina had decked Yunjin square in the face.

Mina had not held back AT ALL on this punch as it sent Yunjin to the ground with a bleeding nose and a cut on her lip caused by Mina’s ring. She held her face in her hands as she looked at Mina dumbfounded. She got up but she didn't attempt to hit Mina in return. She knew this was of her own doing and Mina was not to blame for being a good friend.

Hearing a loud thump on the ground, you ran out of Mina's room and to the door to see Yunjin with blood dripping from her mouth and nose. You held your hand over your mouth in a gasp as you looked at Mina. She simply shrugged and said ‘she had it coming’ you brushed past Mina and out the door to Yunjin.

“Mina I'm gonna go with her now, if she's this determined to talk to me then I guess i have to talk to her. You kissed Mina on the cheek and hugged her as you whispered ‘i'll be fine’ in her ear. This didn't help calm down Mina's worries though.

“Anything happens you call me, alright?” you nodded in response to this as you left with Yunjin letting her wrap her arm around your waist.(only because she was hurt right?)

As you two reached the ground level of the building you realized that you two would most likely be seen by paparazzi. They would see her bloodied face, as you were gonna start worrying about that you felt Yunjin come to a stop, you were in front of her car.

“I'm driving.” you said with no room for arguing, hearing your tone she simply handed you the car keys as she got in the passenger's seat.

The car ride to her dorm was relatively silent, you figured you were gonna go there, seeing as if you were to take her to your dorm she’d definitely leave with a couple of broken bones. Yunjin was on her phone to text into the le sserafim group chat to tell them to leave because she was bringing you there.

While waiting in the elevator to reach the floor in which her dorm resided you were scrolling on your phone and you saw your earlier suspicions confirmed. There was an article written on how Yunjin had left your dorm with blood on her face and holding you. You almost laughed at how fast they were to write these articles.

You still couldn't believe this was happening, everything was happening so fast you almost didn't process it, this felt like a dream. A really really bad dream, you even pinched yourself in case this was a dream. If this was a dream it would definitely be the worst one you've had.

When you two entered her dorm it was completely empty, she led you to her room and motioned you to sit down next to her on her bed. As much as you hated her at this moment you didn't want to leave her with blood on her face as you talked to her so without saying anything you went to enter the bathroom that was connected to her room.

You practically lived here, even having a toothbrush left here so you knew where everything was. You looked in the drawer that had all the first aid stuff and pulled out the first aid kit. You sat down facing her on the bed and she turned her body to face you too. You took her face in your hand as you picked up an alcohol pad and gently wiped the blood off of her cut lip.

Usually this would hurt but even when you were kids, Yunjin never made a big deal when she was hurt. She was always strong, especially when it came to getting hurt. As a kid you admired her for this, you always thought she was really cool for keeping a smile on her face when the teachers would put alcohol on her injuries.

You would always call her your strong girl, she loved that nickname and you loved her. But would she even be your girl anymore? The thought that she wouldn't be made you want to lock yourself in a room and never leave. She was the only person you would ever love. if it wasn't her you wouldn't love anyone else, you only wanted her. But did she even want you?

You didn't notice when you started crying, you only realized it when you felt her soft hand caress your face. She slowly wiped your tears and when you realized you were crying you started crying even harder.

“Why? Why did you have to like someone else? Where did i go wrong, i only ever loved you and i'll only ever love you. Please don't leave me, you're all I have, I swear I'll be a better girlfriend. I swear I'll make you love me more.” you begged in between sobs, you told yourself you wouldn't go back, you couldn't.

But you couldn't help it, you would always go back to her.

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maybebabyplease · 1 year

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ten books to know me

thank you for the tag @mblematic i sat down to do this IMMEDIATELY i’ve maybe never been so excited

the secret history by donna tartt

well what do i even say about this. if you know you know. this is my favorite book ever! nothing tops it!

slow days, fast company by eve babitz

reading this book for the first time at 22 when i had just moved to LA and really started doing drugs and fucking bad actors...i cannot explain it. eve is like. the whole reason i’m a writer now still -- i stopped writing in college (too busy doing drugs and fucking bad musicians at that time) and this book inspired me to start back up and actually work hard at it. thank god.

and i do not forgive you by amber sparks

THE short story collection that made me realize i could write about whatever i felt like writing about. i’ve taken class with amber and she’s just incredible. wildly talented, excellent teacher, taught me everything i know about editing!

modern madness: an owner’s manual by terri cheney

you could insert any of terri’s books here, but i do have such a soft spot for modern madness. terri was one of the first people to really talk to me about bipolar disorder, and to help me understand what was happening to me and how to get help. her memoirs are devastating, but she’s proof of the strength people can have in the face of severe mental illness.

leaving the atocha station by ben lerner

this book has writing that i just want to bathe in. i don’t hardly ever read books by men, but ben lerner is a GENIUS. the macarthur fellowship thinks so too!

the disreputable history of frankie landau-banks by e.l. lockhart

formative formative formative. this is where i learned to love words and wordplay. also where i discovered p.g. wodehouse! horizons: broadened.

the princess diaries by meg cabot

was this series sex ed for anyone else? it was sex ed for me. i used to sneak into the high school library and check these books out when i was in like 7th grade. truly so important everybody say thank you meg cabot (thank you meg cabot!!)

the physics of sorrow by georgi gospodinov, trans. angela rodel

this book really got me into translations! i love love love it. it’s so interesting to see literature from other places, and this was the first book i read outside of school that wasn’t originally in english. so valuable and set me on quite the journey (death and the penguin i’m looking at u)

howl’s moving castle by dianna wynne jones

i think this might be my most re-read book? i try to read it every year during scorpio season, because it just has That Vibe to me. it never gets old!

rules for saying goodbye by katherine taylor

i...don’t know where to begin with this book. katherine taught me how to burn bridges with my writing and not give a fuck at all. i wish i could describe katherine, because she is someone i so adore, but she is beyond words. anyway, the protagonist of rfsg is also named kate taylor. that’s probably all i really need to say. what a woman.

honorable mention: looking for alaska by john green

HOW did i manage to stay alive after reading this book.....the damage that was done...........john green u owe my parents therapy money babe!

OOPS I FORGOT TO TAG! tagging @pancakehouse @colgatebluemintygel @moongays @thebloatedfrog @queemes @blackberry-sunset @pinklume and anyone else who wants to do it! i LOVE to see what books shaped people! what a thrill!

#the takeaway from this is that the people i love #have also really shaped me with their writing #i could put my aunt on here too but i don't want to doxx myself #but the moment when my aunt started asking ME to read HER short stories #instead of just the other way aroudn #that was when i Knew #so: another formative one #god i could have done like 20 books #book recs by em #tag game #molly tag

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elliesbelle · 6 months

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hi belle!! when did you start writing and how did you start off?

hi love!!

honestly, i’ve always been writing my whole life! i knew how to read by 2 years old (the only real achievement in my whole life), and my mom said i’d “write and make” her and my dad books all the time (i’d take paper and fold them in half and draw and write stories and draw pictures for them sometimes, whether they were stories that already existed that i just wanted to recreate in my own way or stories i completely made up on my own).

writing has always been a passion of mine, even at a super young age. whether it’s writing letters (i write letters to my friends a lot, with a stamp and wax seal and everything and i have a whole memory box dedicated just for my letter-writing hobby) or essays or poetry (i actually have a poetry instagram), it’s something that’s always come very naturally to me.

school definitely pushed me to write a lot cause i mean, you have to write a lot for school. but i was always a huge overachiever when it came to writing. i remember that i wrote an essay or short story or something back in the 3rd or 4th grade for my english class and it moved my english teacher so much that she literally passed it all around the english department (to this day, i don’t remember what it was that i wrote, but i remember a lot of teachers really loved it).

i even won several awards related to writing throughout my life:

-in the 6th grade, i wrote an essay that won an award and on the day of obama’s inauguration, i went to this super special theatre with other people who won and we got to watch the inauguration live.

-i went to a private catholic school when i was in the 7th and 8th grade, and i’m not sure what i wrote that caught their attention, but the school johns hopkins invited me to do a bunch of shit with them (it was too expensive though, so i never did any of it).

-i also wanted to attend a private catholic high school since a lot of my peers in middle school were planning to do so as well, but my parents were incredibly poor at the time (my siblings and i were all on scholarships at our current school), so i wrote this letter to the president of the high school i wanted to attend, and he loved it so much that he not only granted me a scholarship or two, but he actually created a scholarship just for me so i could attend the school (it didn’t cover the entire tuition though, and i ended up not going because money was way too tight, so i ended up going to public school instead, which ultimately was for the best).

-i wrote a lot of stuff in high school that won a bunch of shit that i don’t remember (i purposely repressed a lot of high school, sorry lol). i also co-founded the performing arts club at my high school and i not only wrote a lot of short stories and plays for it, but i helped people with it as well. i also took a creative writing class in senior year which i really enjoyed (even my teacher didn’t like me for some reason).

-a lot of professors in college enjoyed my writing so much that one of them got super close to me (in an appropriate ofc, not in a weird way lol), one was super moved by a lot of my writings for class and recommended me to help found the LGBT club for our college (where i met and hung out with the person who actually added the “B” in the LGBT acronym, her name’s loraine hutchins and she’s super cool), and one helped me in becoming a social activist for a couple of years and asked for my help in establishing the institute of race & justice at our college and he also helped me out a lot with my family issues at home.

-while i was also in college and even after (i dropped out a million times and i never graduated cause lol i’m too broke for all that), people paid me to help them write their essays and papers and thesis statements, etc. mind you, i didn’t write it for them or anything, but i did serve as like, an editor or whatever.

if you’re asking about how i started in regards to fanfiction, i was writing fanfiction when i was like, 8 or 9 sgdjfhfj, i’m not kidding, i had an account on fanfiction dot net where i wrote a bunch of fanfiction for an anime i was super into as a kid (it’s called mermaid melody: pichi pichi pitch, it’s so bad but whatever sgdhfhfj). honestly, someone should have called CPS or something cause the shit i was writing was so dark and mature for child sgsjdjfjf, but people seemed to like it? even to this day, i’ll still get emails from the site saying someone liked or commented on a fic of mine (i had this one series that was super dark but people loved it and still ask if i’m gonna update it as if it’s not been almost two decades sgdjfjfj).

i started writing fanfiction for TLOU because i got obsessed with reading it on tumblr earlier this year completely on a whim (i kept getting recommended them on my main personal blog cause i loved playing the games and i was like, fuck it let me read one and i ended up liking it so much). but i was consuming the ‘ellie x reader’ tag so quickly that i was running out of stories to read. eventually, i was like, “fuck it, i have a few ideas of my own, lemme just write it and publish it just for fun.” i was nervous to actually publish my work and didn’t expect people to actually read it, but @lonelyfooryouonly encouraged me to do so (who i was originally mutuals with on my personal main blog ♡︎), so i went ahead and did it, and here we are now!

WOW i did not mean to write THAT much, omg i’m so sorry???? i wrote this all while i was waiting for the bus home from work and i got carried away 😅

i honestly didn’t foresee how far this account would get and how many of y’all would enjoy my works (especially ‘nobody compares to you’, my baby), but i am so grateful to all of you for supporting me and encouraging me to do something i love to do. before i started this blog, i’d been in a real rut with writing (i’d only be writing for my poetry instagram account, but that’s it), but this has reminded me of how much i love to write. thank you so much for the love and support, you guys are literally the best. 🩷

#AGAIN I’M SO SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH OMG????#that’s also the thing with me and writing sldfkjsdlsfskd i love writing so much that sometimes i don’t shut the fuck up #anyway y’all are so amazing and supportive that i’m literally considering writing things to actually publish irl?#like…. what if i take ncty and revise it a lil and publish it into a real book once i finish writing it on here…#LOL idk but 👀#anon #belle answers

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infinitelytheheartexpands · 1 year

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since i am at home and have access to my yearbooks, it is now time for the roundup of “some of my favorite quotes from people’s yearbook signatures”, a non-exhaustive list:

2010-11 (3rd grade):

-“have a great summer savvanah”—kid in my class who spelled my name wrong lmao

2011-12 (4th grade):

-“your the most legendary person i have ever met”—one of my besties to this day

2012-13 (5th grade):

-“when the world looks down on you, give them 5 and a half reasons to look up at you. you are brilliant. you are a good person. never lose that. never stop dominating.” —one of the then-high school juniors for some reason (i got signatures and messages from SEVERAL juniors and seniors that year for some reason lmao)

-“too bad”—a kid in my class

*could not find 2013-14 :(*

2014-15 (7th grade):

-“stay cool and rock on with those dance moves and work on skating”—another kid who was in our production of xanadu, where i successfully campaigned with the director to not make everyone rollerskate because some of us (myself included) could not rollerskate

-“the cat whiskers come from within”—a girl in the grade below me with whom i am still buddies

-“you are the smartest person i know and don’t let anyone take that away from you”—my now IRL best friend, the first year after he moved to our school, and this was even though at the time we were in the middle of an INTENSE academic rivalry that put a damper on our friendship for a while

2015-16 (8th grade):

-every single kid who wrote HAGS!!! (have a great summer) because it’s funny <3

-“you have been happy when i have been sad so uh…thanks for always cheering me up with just a smile”—a kid in the grade below me

-“savannah, it is really fun having you in the class and i hope we got the party started for you every english class!”—the same kid who spelled my name wrong in 3rd grade; every day at the start of english class i’d say “let’s get this party started!”

2016-17 (9th grade):

-“…you’ll have to come check in and draw me more memes!”—my 9th grade history teacher, context being that she pitted all the kids in my grade against each other in a year-long history meme war and i, being a dumbass, did not know how to make memes online using generators and shit, so i HAND DREW all of my memes on her board and she would take pictures for my entries (for the record: i did not win)

-“this is a good yearbook. you are a good person. have a good summer.”—one of my guy friends in my class

-“we’re gonna need you in quiz bowl. also how is this handwriting.”—another guy in my class; the reference to the handwriting was because we had to proofread each other’s handwritten essay drafts in english class and i straight up could not read like half of his and he got PISSED as a result

2017-18 (10th grade):

-“dear savannah, have a great summer! read lots of books and eat lots of food because those things make you happy and happiness is great.”—one of my friends in my class, also that is sound advice

-“*sine graph* there, i sined it.”—my precalculus teacher

-“i am ‘cosining’ it.”—the same kid who wrote the handwriting comment the previous year; written directly under the previous signature

-“savannah, mashed potatoes…”—the bestie who wrote the “legendary” comment in 4th grade; the whole message was much longer but we had an inside joke going about how i’m super-picky about my mashed potatoes lol

2018-19 (11th grade):

-“you are just the sweetest little ol’ thang”—one of my friends in my class

-“thanks for making this a great year. you’ve always been so nice to me. never forget that no matter what, you have a good heart, don’t forget that!”—one of the seniors that year; we were in all the musicals and choir together for a few years

-“stay frosty! your joy for life is special, don’t ever let anyone diminish it. change the world.”—a beloved history teacher who moved away after that school year

*no signatures for 2019-20 because COVID :(*

#yearbook signatures #blast from the past #about me

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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10 May 2023 Wednesday 2:39 am pt

Adam Noah Levine is a pig 🐷. He tried to take my left big toe from me minutes ago. 2:40 am pt I told him to leave us alone if he isn’t going to cut off my head. He has been unrelentingly cruel for the past 6 years. My life has been a socially desolated one. Even in high school 🏫 a lot of people seemed to be afraid 😱 to look at me and I didn’t know god demon lord of demon angels (child rapists) was making them afraid to interact with me. A lot of times I was ignored in high school 🏫. I almost felt invisible at times if I ever stood in a random circle ⭕️. It’s weird if I see people respond to me. I’m not used to getting attention. It’s as if I’m finally not a ghost 👻 anymore. 2:45 am pt

2:46 am pt freshman year my English teacher yelled at me calling me stupid infront of the whole class Bcz I didn’t stand behind the wall and then appear from behind curtain? Something about Juliet balcony scene. 2:48!am pt I never complained to anyone but soon after that a student teacher came and replaced him for an internship (acid throat mouth pain 2:48 am pt). I didn’t think 💭 it had anything to do with me until recently. Also same with my art teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 after he told me I did “A” grade quality work but Bcz I turned it in late I got a “B.” Incubus messed with all my drawings that I spent so many days on carefully drawing from feelings and still life things. He ruined all my artwork 🖼 to fit a new narrative of my life. I don’t know what that narrative is. Every time he replaced something edited the only word he would mention: “death.” No explanations. Photographs of us: “death.” When I thought of moving to New York to be closer to my sister in 2013: “death.” He made me afraid to move to be closer to her. I thought 💭 that I would be happier closer to her (right butt cheek pain) 2:54 am pt. Everyday I lived with anxiety. I was shy and quiet and often looked over/ignored in school 🏫 by most people. I made some mistakes that I questioned sometimes why I did that. 2:56 am pt I somehow did so much school 🏫 work in middle school 🏫 that I got honor guard (honor roll almost every quarter). In elementary school 🏫 I did have comprehension problems. The books 📚 weren’t big for science 🧬 in middle school 🏫 but sometimes I had concentration problems and difficulties answering questions that I needed to take the book 📚 home 🏠 which the teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 discouraged us from doing. It was weird that we could not normally/usually take books 📚 home 🏠. We were expected to do book 📖 reading and answering questions in class. I once cried Bcz he questioned my intentions. I needed more time. 7th grade math 🧮 science 🧬 teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 took me outside to talk to me and I cried. 3:02 pmpt I think 💭 my home 🏠 life often consisted of more homework 📚 time than most other students. I think 💭 god intended my life to be mostly lonely and planned to lie to me now using Adam Noah Levine and incubus.3:03 am pt

3:04 am pt in kindergarten the demon angel told me I couldn’t have what my sister had. I thought 💭 he meant boyfriend at the time. But I guess he meant an entirely happy complete social life. He meant for me to be close to desolated my whole life. 3:06 am pt so my sister got to go out to people’s houses 🏘 and parties 🎉 and have friends and boyfriends one after the other continuously and I would struggle. I guess that is where autism is (right foot 🦶 pain 😖😭3:07 am pt) useful to him. He made me easily get frustrated upset with all sorts of tools 🧰 including making my mom hate me and irritated with me from a young age, since probably a baby 👶 she said she held me once during cooking 🧑‍🍳 and I almost kicked the pot of water. It’s like the devil 👿 liked to make life difficult for us living in the dormitory of the college in Menlo Park. I was cursed my whole life. 3:10 am pt

3:12 am pt there were a lot of times I stayed home and my excuse was homework 📚, while my mom and sister went out. Sometimes or every time I screwed around for a while Bcz of an inability to concentrate (acid left nostril 👃 pain 3:14 am pdt)) comprehend, I was extremely slow when it came to textbooks 📚 I was cursed. I was also a perfectionist and a procrastinator. 3:15!am pt all tools 🧰 to desolate me. 3:15 am pt

3:39 am pt I vomited 🤮 a little liquid I drank I think hours ago something that should have only took 5 minutes to digest. 😖😭

everytime my mom went out with my sister she would say to me “it doesn’t have to be perfect.” But I think 💭 I had a difficult time with doing anything at all. 3:42 am pt incubus told me he hates me. Again. Not the first time. He really means it. I always tried to squeeze myself into a seat 💺 trying not to take too much space anywhere I sat. For years. Holding my legs and feet and hands close to my body. 3:44 am pt. I think 💭 he hates my personality. 3:45 am pt most friendships didn’t last very long. 3:46 am pt I guess I was annoying in high school 🏫. 8th grade year 2 students said they wanted to kill me. And another one punched me in the head. In elementary school 🏫 (heart ♥️ pain 3:47 am pt) I had comprehension reading problems. A teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 offered me extra books 📚 to take home 🏠 to practice reading 📖 some books had pretty illustrations and were girly. 3:49 am pt exhaling hot air. 🥵 so I spent a lot more time reading 📖 at home 🏠 at one point in lelementary school 🏫. Fictional stories though. Textbooks 📚 were always weirder harder to understand. 3:50 sam pt. 3:51 am pt

min elementary school 🏫 though I think I also had problems with answering questions even for books 📖 that were probably fictional stories something with beaver 🦫 in the title probably something about native Americans? And right of passage. Growing up 🆙. 3:53 am pt the only phrase I could recall in regards to the book 📚. I think 💭 I watched too many cartoons or was doing something else at home 🏠 I think 💭 I probably forgot to do homework 📚. Another teacher 👩‍🏫 came over to our class who always scared 😱 me she was (anus acid pain 3:55 am pt) tall with auburn? Hair and I was talked loud with glasses 🤓 she was a little tough rough with me since first grade when I didn’t follow along with a calculator exercise and I got overwhelmed from not paying attention at first and then when I paid attention I was lost on how to use the calculator and follow along. She called out commands rapidly. And she got angry at me for not following along. I was flustered and scared 😱 while everyone else knew how to do it. She took a hold of my arm when I said I felt hot 🥵 and she yelled out well sit outside. I think she probably would have dragged me out roughly if I didn’t move cooperatively with her when she grabbed my arm. 3:59 am pt

4 am pt I was nervous every time I saw her but for some reason she was nice to my younger sister and gave her a free ice cream 🍦. 4:01 am pt teeth pain 4:02 am pt

Once I tried to silently do what the other kids were doing near her Bcz I think she she gave them free passes/coupons to get free icecream 🍦 from the cafeteria or had the ice cream 🍦 bars on hand in a cooler hoping she would give me one but she seemed to ignore me. 4:04 am pt she didn’t let up 🆙 her tough teacher 👩‍🏫 act until I guessed at what a weather balloon or satellite 📡 was. I was supposed to look it up 🆙 the night b4 but completely forgot. All I could do was guess and hope I was right and I thought she knew the answers and was quizzing me, and I started them thinking that I can guess at things and maybe be right about it, like a psychic. But I wouldn’t know without confirmation from the teacher 👩‍🏫. It set me up 🆙 in the future to guess on things and Jen feel like I was psychic. 4:07 am pt but of course not everything worked out that way all the time so I still had to do a lot of work especially math 🧮 and all reading 📖 homework 📚. 4:08 am pt she was so scary to me. She seems like a terror with her booming voice. 4:08 am pt

4:09 am pt she once gave me a reading test and I think I started to stutter. And she gasses see me to be below my grade in terms of reading skills. 4:10 am pt

4:11 am pt sometimes I would cry when I was alone outside at school 🏫 and I had I forget like a whimper? In my crying. 4:12 am pt I was always afraid to go to the bathroom 🚽 at school 🏫, too.

Once a couple of girls dragged a boy into the girls restroom 🚻. The yard duty got confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ and thought I did it. So I had to sit in time out for recess. While the real one looked at me smugly and walked away. 4:14 am pt

4:25 am pt incubus sliced off a piece of my heart ♥️ I think 💭 and then I started feeling light headed wobbly. Difficulty breathing. I would not want this guy in my team. He’s .. ruthless? Definition? No sympathy/empathy. He is like a predatory animal 🦔 moving around selfishly with no respect for women. He vilified me and hurt me a lot. I can tell he’s extremely biased and doesn’t care for the truth with only the goal 🥅 to kill. Same team as garrido’s child rapists demon angels. Paint a picture of his personality. He is only doing it with a n animal killing personality cold 🥶 with no humanity. 4:30 🕟 am pt and he will use other people’s presence to fake his humanity but all movements he does betray he’s fake and only a killer with no heart 💜. 4:31 am pt

4:33 am pt many people are born to be fillers. Noah’s ark. They probably don’t take the time to actually do any genetic testing I fear. They fabricated everything. It’s only luck of the draw ✍️. My family names have virtuous and ethical in the names. You’d think 💭 that would mean everyone is born with ethical genes 🧬 then to name us that. 4:36 am pt to kill me off now cutting away at my heart ♥️ would mean everything they put out there about genes 🧬 and good people bad people is phony then. Bcz Jesus Christ was supposedly ethical? With appreciation for love 💗 monogamy and hard work and fairness. 4:38 am pt but he is treating me like trash 🗑 and killing my heart now.

4:45 am pt he is using me to save his face about rape and women and children 👶 but I guess he doesn’t need me anymore so he is getting rid of me. I tried to get a n appointment with my doctor 👩‍⚕️ in 2020? 2021? To check my heart ♥️ but she made excuses and told me to call ☎️ 911 the next (😖😭💀 pain 4:48 am pt) time I feel something and every time I was in the hospital 🏥 prior to that they told me that my heart ♥️ was ok 👌 even though I had difficulty breathing and the incubus had punctured it in 8/17/2017. 4:51 am pt I m scared 😱 of what they are doing and going to do. I’m scared 😱 for my mom and me and my sister. 4:53 am pt

7:41 pmpt incubus almost burned 🔥 me to death ☠️ 3? Times today after my bed 🛌 was changed. I think 💭 he has also been tangling my hair. He is very vindictive heinous judgemental abusive. He is not understanding. At least I tried to be understanding of people even when they were angry at me. But he never wants to be. He will ALWAYS judge a woman 👩🏼. He doesn’t understand woman. He thinks a woman needs to let men roll/walk all over her s*xually but he will also call her a whore probably if she does that too. There is no winning with this type of personality. He IS the WORST PERSON.. CREATURE BEAST in the UNIVERSE. The ABSOLUTE WORST. I’m usually nice to people upon first meeting. BUT if you cross the LINES when we DONT KNOW each other, you’re asking for trouble! After Scott called me a whore on Facebook I became harder about being touched too soon 🔜. 7:49 pmpt I felt like I couldn’t trust myself. But sometimes I had no patience. 7:50 pmpt incubus miñion has an UGLY personality. BEAST he is. 7:51 pmpt NOTHING humane about him. 7:51 pmpt

7:52 pmpt he seems like an extension of Adam Noah Levine. But distinctly different person. The incubus has his own signature feeling, but they’re both cruel and heinous. But the incubus obviously is hiding he knows things about me and knows he shouldn’t be as hard on me as he is. 7:53 pmpt

8:36 pmpt but I shouldn’t excuse the incubus miñion Bcz he knows better.

8:37 pmpt I typed that that teacher graded/assessed me to be below my grade level in reading 📖. I guess she could have been gass lighting me Bcz she probably knew she made me nervous but didn’t want to admit it. Maybe she wanted to make my regular or previous teacher look ineffective? (Slammed door 🚪 8:39 pmpt) idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe something else/different. Maybe that was the reason they let me borrow fictional books 📚 in elementary school 🏫 from another teacher 👨🏻‍🏫. 8:41 pmpt those were nice books 📖 I guess. I don’t recall much content so I guess there was nothing weird in the books 📚.

8:53 pmpt they already knew b4 conception that they were going to prematurely sacrifice me, like Jon benet Ramsey. They knew b4 my sisters’ conceptions that they weren’t going to prematurely sacrifice them. 8:55 pmpt which is why they’re all leo ♌️ sun 🌞 signs 🪧 . Jeremy, Mimi, and my youngest sister and my sisters’s 👯‍♀️ First borns. Leo ♌️ x 5. 8:57 pmpt everything. Fabricated. Which is probably why the incubus said good people do bad things. 8:58 pmpt but he won’t let me think I’m good for sure. Instea, he gave me the idea that garrido is good. That’s right. He would rather say garrido is better than me. Which is why he had babies 👶 with dugard. He kidnapped her and raped her. BUT he was willing to get caught. I read he said that he will never hurt their babies 👶. 9 pmpt unfortunately, that’s reality. Yet people early on held a lot of things against me that were relatively extremely small in comparison to garrido’s deeds. I was called names. People told me I was crazy. And when I passed by someone in a store 🏬 I thought 💭 I heard the word “sicko.” 9:03 pmpt I am as punched in the head probably 4 punches total, very strong 💪 hard powerful punches. I think 💭 I probably felt a soft spot in my skull 💀 where the punches happened sometime afterward and after I read on Wikipedia that there was a natural hole 🕳 for a vein? Artery? . It is weird now that I think about it. 9:05 pmpt it’s healed now. 9:06 pmpt I also hit my head a lot on very dense hard things. An old car 🚗 with a metal exterior. Steel bunk bed frame. A dense wooden bench in the Philippines 🇵🇭. Probably had a high dense Janka rated hardness. A failed cherry drop from the tallest bar on the school playground at Payne elementary school 🏫. Into tan bark. I also fell out of a van with heavy books 📚 in my backpack 🎒 onto the street behind my elementary school 🏫 in the morning. I had the books 📚 Bcz I had concentration and comprehension problems so I didn’t finish the previous day in class the reading and questions. You know without all my problems a lot of people wouldn’t have jobs? 9:11 pmpt when I was about to turn 18 years old my mom wanted me to go to group counseling Bcz I wanted to meet Derek. 9:12 pmpt police 👮‍♂️ and doctors 🥼 don’t have the motivation to do the right things for/by dugard. That wasn’t a beautiful life. Living in a shed naked on a bucket 🪣 being raped when 11 years old and it hurt. 9:14 pmpt people are very motivated by money 💰 and their own survival. They think they can justify it by believing they are better. But can you really say you’re better? Greeks wouldn’t agree. You have easy life it makes it easy to not be cross. 9:16 pmpt

9:39 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I am like wreck it Ralph in a way. 9:40 pmpt

9:41 pmpt I did kinda hit on a grown man when I was around 4/5 years old, in a swimming 🏊‍♀️ pool 🏊‍♀️ probably after I started feeling the incubus tickle my vagina and he put it in my mind to hump plush Mickey Mouse 🐁 toy 🧸. 9:43 pmpt

9:47 pmpt incubus/miñion changed my words to” I am as”. Typed I was punched... . 9:48 pmpt searing pain righ thigh. They re going to make me fall and die when I’m weak. No fake outs here. No miracles. 9:49 pmpt 9:50 pmpt everyone already knows incubus that you want me to die. So I wish you would just cut my head off. Make your miñion do it. He can move on to his next victim sooner. 9:52 pmpt

10:13 pmpt in high school 🏫 years, 2001, I had thought 💭 I was maybe half psychic. But I think 💭 that I thought 💭 it was a natural ability Bcz of something I saw on tv 📺 that people don’t usually use their whole brains 🧠 and that I was tapping into the part of the brain 🧠 that a lot of people were not trying hard enough to exercise. 😤🥵😤🥵😤😤. On an aol hometown webpage I created in 2001, I typed I thought 💭 I was half psychic and I showed it to “Brendan.” 10:17 pmpt I also typed I liked flipper the tv show and tennis 🎾?

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clonesome · 2 years

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I keep remembering back to my 7th grade English class.. where on first day roll call I said my name was something it wasn't. A more neutral name than the one on my birth certificate, more neutral than the one I've been called my whole life except for in that classroom. For that one year.

And how all the kids who had known me from elementary and the year prior had laughed at first but then the teacher shushed them all and said that she was sorry for saying the wrong name. And it was really nice.

Until the first time she called home and my parents were like, "Who?" Lolol but the teacher was really worried she had messed something up or gotten me in trouble with my parents. But I told her no it was fine, I just.. hadn't told them. I don't even remember what she was calling about.

What I do remember is how my parents acted after, asking me if I wanted to be called the other name at home too and I said I didn't care because I didn't want them to be uncomfortable when they already fought over stupid things..

But then my mom got me one of those name keychains, it was made from wood and she got it at a local fair type thing. How my dad said that that wasn't my name and my mom said, "I Know." And that was that somehow. They probably talked about it when I wasn't around though.

And.. I kept it on my backpack for the remainder of that year and I was really happy. To have that identity on my backpack.. like.. like who I was could really be anyone I wanted.

I don't remember what happened to that keychain, if I lost it or it broke or I kept it somewhere and forgot and it's still there waiting. Hmm..

So I know what's holding me back from telling my parents that I'm trans. I just.. Can't start anything until I tell them though because I don't drive and I live in bumfuck nowhere. So.. hmm.

#clonesome

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astormyjet · 3 years

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Winter of 2018 - Summer of 2021 TIME FILES WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR 20s!!!!

OH BOY. It’s been three years (or more) since I updated this. “Time is a weird soup!” to quote a fave. I guess I quit tumblr around the time there was a purge of content and creators and a smack down on a lot of the fandom communities. Tumblr has always been something of a crapshow though so I’ve been more productive with my time than I was in some ways, but I’ve also found other ways to waste my time. *cough twitter/netflix/youtube/MTGArena cough*.

General Life Achievements since 2018 -JLPT N3 GET in 2019! -Blackbelt GET in 2018! -TESOL 120 Hour and BE 50 Hour Cert from online provider GET in 2021 -STUDENT LOAN BANISHED (Thank you grandparents) -Survived Apartment flooding in early 2020. -Mystery anxiety related illness and chronic pain in my left leg from early 2020 - Present. -A mythical 6th and 7th year on the JET Programme. -Started posting on Instagram a lot more about my wanderings around Matsuyama/Uwajima. Mainly old buildings and stray cats. @astormyknight -Surviving so far in Japan with old rona-chan.

2018 was rough. I was given an additional school in the first semester (March to July) as we had someone find a better job. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a rough go especially when I was transferred that August after three fantastic years at Tsubaki JHS and ES and only a semester there. I legit went through the five stages of grief - which I think is another reason I stopped blogging. I was given my current base school along with four other schools. Going from 2(3) to 5 schools was a bit of an adjustment. I still feel a bit spread out.

That said, I keep running into teachers and students who were at the Tsubaki’s. The teachers shuffle around every April, so it's always a lottery with which new faces are going to be old friends (or enemies…). A couple of kids moved and transferred into my current schools from Tsubaki too. So I have one kid I can say I've been teaching for 6 out of the 7 years I've been here!

One of the kids who was in JHS 3rd grade when I first got here (in 2015!) hangs out around one of my favorite cafes, so I got chatting with him recently. He's in his second year of nursing school - his class nearly broke me in the first year, it was really a trial by fire with those kids. I was 22 then, and he’s 20 now, so it was interesting chatting to him about that first year of teaching. His younger sister was one of my favorite students too, she was in the group of kids that graduated in the March of 2018, the year group that went through Tsubaki JHS with me - they’re newly minted University students now!

This Thursday morning when I was cycling in to work, a kid who was 2nd year JHS when I left (so 2nd or 3rd year JHS now) pulled up with their Mum in a van and got their mamachari out of the back to bike to school. The franticness of it all was hilarious. Their Mum legit sat on the horn until I pulled over. I was so happy to run into this kid, even at social distance and both of us late to work/school - because we both remembered each other and as they were going around the corners they were yelling each time they turned and humming the old elementary school directions chant and pelting me with questions about what I’ve been up to.

I've had so many students and schools now, that everything is kind of running into a blur. I remember flashes of kids faces and voices, random memories of in class or out of class shenanigans out of the blue. Also, I now, more than ever, have issues remembering kids' names, but I still know their faces (even with their masks), whose homeroom class they were in, who their friends were and which club they were in. I get random flashbacks to past conversations with them when I see them on the street or we run into each other. I feel bad because the first thing former students ask is ‘Do you remember my name?’ and I always have to be like, ‘Honestly, no, but I remember you did this on x day, x month in x classroom’.

Socially in 2018 -2019 - a few of our friends went home and things shook up a little. Our DnD group changed a bit - one of our players stepped into the role forever DM (THANK YOU RALPH). From memory the newbies were great - some of them just went home at the start of last month and it’s weird not seeing them around (JESS DO YOUR BEST!). I think we only have one or two people left from that rotation. There’s no 6th year ALTs, and only two 5th years.

Aug 2018 - Aug 2019 was the year of Hiura - my mountain school. Dang man, they were so cool. The students of the JHS and the ES combined barely hit 30, so each class was between 3-10 students depending on the grade. It was easier to get to know the kids, their abilities and their goals than it has been for me at other schools. I miss it so bad, being in nature once a week did my country-kid heart so good! The bugs! The frogs! The river! The mountain! The monkeys! The lizards! The dilapidated houses and hidden shrines!!!! The random crabs in the English room...I forgot that there was such a thing as freshwater crabs, and being right next to a river, the invasion wasn’t as out of place as I first thought...

The area is so picturesque and calming. Every week up there was a small adventure (after getting over my motion sickness from the bus ride up). The kids were constantly pranking either myself or the main English teacher. There was always some new weird bug or lizard in a tank to be educated about. There were chickens on the way to the JHS that used to escape from their cardboard box prisons to run riot on the gardens. There were old people to freak out with my youth and foreignness! The kids also got to do a lot of extra classes, sumiyakai (making charcoal the traditional way), planting and maintaining rice paddies, setting up vegetable gardens, raising fireflies, conserving a special breed of fire lily (only found in this particular mountain valley) and another rare flower, wilderness training ect.

I wish I could have stayed there a lot longer but SOMEONE (read...the BoE) decided that schools had to be shuffled again(thank goodness the dude who has it now was able to keep it from the 2021 shuffle, he's the best fit for the school). I had so many good memories from there, I wish I had been more consistent in writing it down. I do have a bunch of photos and videos from there though, so that's nice. The only thing I don’t miss is the bus trip up and down - not only was it motion sickness, there was a healthy dose of fear each ride as the driver brought us perilously close to the edge of the mountain drop…

2019 - 2020 was interesting. With the school I got given instead of the Hirua’s I was roped into more demonstration lessons which was a lot of pressure because I was also involved quite heavily with the JHS observation and training lessons too. They were somewhat rewarding, the third graders are now super smart 5th graders, but the teachers who need to embrace the new curriculum and ways of teaching really haven’t taken on anything from the lessons....

Outside of work as well, I was given the chance, thanks to an ALT buddy of mine, to join in with the local festival. It's been one of the biggest highlights of my time here, and I am gutted it’s been cancelled for the last two years, but I understand the reason…. I was able to travel to Okinawa too during that summer for an international Karate seminar with the Dojo I train with. I met the head of the style I currently practice and a bunch of people from around the world. I also got to see Shuri castle before it burned down. So that was a stroke of luck. One of the places I want to go when/if we get out of this pandemic is Okinawa. I want to see more of those Islands so bad. Just before the whole pandemic thing too - I managed to see the Rugby World Cup, a Canada vs NZ match, I even ran into Tana Umanga in Oita city!!!

2019 - 2020 was supposed to be my last year on JET, so I was frantically Job hunting. I went to the Career Fair in Osaka in early Feb/Late January 2020. I applied and got interviewed for a position in Sendai in early Jan 2020. In the end though - the Rona hit. We started hearing whispers of it around the end of 2019, then the cruise boats happened, and then Japan refused to cancel the Olympics...every holiday season there is a new wave of infections, my nurse friends in Tokyo are struggling....my teacher friends in more populous areas of Japan are struggling…

JET couldn't get new ALTs for 2020-2021, I took the extra year when it was eventually offered, as the one job I had managed to get a serious offer for was hesitating because with the rona setting in, things were uncertain. There was a lot of time spent adjusting to the new rules surrounding what we could do in class with the kids as well as textbook change. Schools shut on and off during the spring months.

I also got a reminder of my mortality mid May with an unrelated illness which is still smacking me around a bit - stress/age, it does things to the human body it has no right to. It's only been in the last three months I’ve been able to exercise like I used to, I’ve put on a bunch of weight I can't shrug off (one part medication, another part diet) My relationship with food needs to change, and I really need a kitchen that allows me for more than one pan meals. I also need to figure out what to do with a left leg that is in constant pain from the knee down and a heart that misses beats when stressed out (mentally and physically…).

My apartment also got flooded by the guy upstairs at one point, I spent most of late February/early March living in a hotel while my walls and floor got redone - I think this was one of the things that really stressed me out and kicked my anxiety right up a notch, it was right when things were getting REALLY bad with rona-chan in Hokkaido and schools were shutting down here as it was filtering into the prefecture and so Japan closed schools for the first time…

Classes in covid times have been weird. We’ve been wearing facemasks full time since the early stages of the pandemic (March 2020) - so I admit that I get a bit pissed off seeing both Americans and New Zealanders back home bitching about just having to start wearing them full time in public. I have asthma and have been suffering with the things on during the 30*C plus with high 90s humidity summers. Teachers were offered vaccines late July 2021, just days before the Olympics were open - and I finished my two shots in the middle of August. But the overall distribution and take up of the jab has been slow. As mentioned above, we can't play a lot of the games we used to play with kids in classes anymore, and a lot of the activities outlined in the textbook curriculum need to be adjusted too, so we’ve had to be creative. We use hand sanitizer a lot more too. One of the things I miss the most though, is eating lunch with the kids.

Socially from summer 2020 - now 2021 we played a lot of DnD and board games, both online and in person when we could. There were no new ALTs again for the 2021-2022 JET year, and those of us who were in 6th year were offered a 7th. Four out of six of us took it. As a whole we’re down from a peak of 38 ALTs for Junior High and Elementary school to 22 for now. We hopefully will get a new person at the end of September, and 4 more in November. Which will bring us to 27. This has led to ANOTHER round of school shuffles.

Summer vacation has been weird the last two years. With rona-chan, we haven’t really been able to travel. All the summer festivals (all the Autumn and Winter ones too!) have been cancelled, so the changing of seasons just feels, wrong. I dunno. There is so much we all miss from pre-rona-chan, and so much that doesn’t happen that makes this just feel like one long long unending year of sadness, coldness, raininess, unbearable heat and repeat. I’m tired. Time is going so fast, but so.dang.slow.

I lost my favorite school (AGAIN GDI!!!) and gained the school I taught a semester at in 2019....I had my first day there on Wednesday. Schools actually started back on September 1st so there was some drama as the BoE didn’t communicate fast enough about our school changes. We legit got told on the 27th of August (on a Friday) our schools were changing effective September 1st, but somehow some of our schools found out on the Monday 30th August. In July we were told we would be changing schools at the end of September, so.a lot of ALTs and schools were left short changed, not having opportunities to say goodbye to co-workers or students/having their planning for the semester more or less thrown out the window too. I love my job. I really dislike the way the BoE treats us, the Japanese assistant language teachers and our schools.

The new school I have is used to having an ALT there twice a week, who plans all the lessons and executes them. I’m at three elementary schools. I'm only at each once a week, I want to plan, but being that I miss an entire lesson in between visits, it's going to be difficult to do so. Not impossible, but being that I'm already doing it for two other schools, who are at two different places in the textbook ah…….. From what I have talked to my new supervisor about though, it sounds like the teachers have taken on more of the lesson planning and I'll be able to contribute ideas when I'm there. I just want to and wish I could do more without being confused all the time. (This is all usually done in my second language too, not in English so extra levels of confusion and miscommunication abound).

I feel like this at my JHS too a lot of the time. I want to contribute more, but even with constant communication with my main in school supervisor (who is a badass and pretty much on the same page about everything with me) I still feel about as useful as tits on a bull. Especially now that classes have been cancelled and or shortened, there's less time to do stuff. Any game or activity I plan is usually cut in favor of making up time in the textbook. When I'm in class, I'm back to being a tape recorder, the fun police and general nuisance.　

Also in the last week...my two of my schools were shut due to students testing positive for the rona. This is the second time my schools have had a scare in the last 8 months. And by shut, I mean the students were all at home, but the teachers all had to come into the office. Because why not I guess….. I mean, the cases increasing is really not unexpected with the amount of people who were travelling over obon and the increase of cases due to the Olympics/Japan being slow on vaccinating/delta being the dominant strain/Japan's leaders doing relatively little except asking shops and restaurants to limit people coming in at one time and closing before 8pm. I know my schools weren't the only one shut either - but still High Schools were having their sports days this week. I kept on seeing groups of kids hanging in the park after, so that was a little bit nerve wracking.

It's just frustrating - we’ve been on half days to “minimize the risk of infection” for kids and teachers, as if only being at school from 8am through to 1pm is going to reduce the risk. My schools have only just started testing out Microsoft teams and Zoom lesson equipment. Thankfully our school’s run in this time was contained real quick, the family was super good about informing us when they got their results back, and the fact they needed to be tested. The homeroom teacher and the students from the same class were the only ones tested, and they all came back clear, which was nice. But the information came back so SLOW.

I’m a little irritated because I found out on Wednesday night what was going on, and even if I am vaccinated, I am super worried that I will end up being the covid monkey due to being at different schools three days out of five. I think other than being worried that I will catch it myself and get real sick, my biggest fear is that I will be protected from bad symptoms from the vaccine, but still be able to pass it onto some of my more vulnerable friends and students. The whole thing is a mess.

Other than Covid and BoE drama, life is good. I’ve had a couple of other big changes - both fantastic and not so great, but yeah. I have my health (and health insurance!) for now. I have a job, for now. I have a sense of existential dread for the next 12 months, but we’ll see where we end up. Life post JET is going to be way less cushy and I am TERRIFIED. I mean, I have a BA in Eng/Ling and no idea what to do with it…..because I am NOT suited for academia.

TLDR: Love my job. Don’t like the system. What is life? Future scary.

#life on JET #blog post #life in Japan #jet programme #jet program

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ohmyitsfaith · 4 years

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My hero

Pairing: Will Byers × Reader

Summary: Y/n is a popular cheerleader, but fell in love with the “loser” Will Byers. After Will saved Y/n, they start talking.

Warnings: None (except maybe the fact that I wrote this a year ago, so my English isn’t the best. You’re the judges)

Word count: 1.9k

A/N: You guys didn’t say anything about what you wanted to see, so here, have a story, I wrote around a year ago. If you guys wanna see something, please let me know! I have a bunch of stories/oneshots that I wrote, so I could translate it for you. They’re mostly Marvel, but I can also write for you! You can request stories, or wallpapers, anything you’d like! Until then, enjoy!

(not my gif)

~Y/n’s POV~

Will Byers. The cutest guy in 7th grade. He is nice, he is perfectly childish and he’s an A+ student. He is small and skinny. Not like in an ill way, just that normal skinny. They say (the popular people) that he is a loser, but he really is not. I think he is the coolest person in his class. Unfortunately I’m one of the popular’s, so I never had a chance to get to know him. My friends... they don’t like him and his friend group. Also, I’m in 8th grade. I’ll never be his friend. Or more than that...

Well... at least I didn’t even see a chance of talking to him. Until it was one of our games. We cheered as usual.

“I’m feeling lucky today. Maybe I’ll be on the top” my friend, Y/f/n, said.

“I’m sure about that. You’re a great cheerleader, Michelle! You deserve everything” I smiled at her.

“Thanks Y/n. You’re the best” she hugged me.

We finished changing and grabbed our pompoms and went to the team.

“Okay squad! How we rehearsed! Y/f/n, Y/n on top! Adam, Jeff, Finn, George, Danny and Grayson, hold them firmly! I don’t want any falling or somebody getting hurt! Thanks. Are you ready? Then let’s go!” said our captain Mary.

So we went out to the sidelines. A big crowd welcomed us and we got into position. And we started our choreography. Throughout the game, there wasn’t any problem. We cheered for the team and had fun.

But then they threw me into the air. I wasn’t scared, because I had done it multiple times and I trusted in the guys and knew they’d catch me. But the games was more violent than other times. The team, our team played with, was a lot more aggressive than all of our enemies so far. The ball came for the boys and knocked them from underneath me. I was free falling towards the floor. I probably wouldn’t have broken anything if I hit the floor, but someone caught me. I was hyperventilating and my heart was racing. I took a big breath and looked up at my savior.

“You saved me” I said breathless.

It was Will Byers. I never thought that there was that much strength in that tiny body. But he stood like a rock.

“Y/n, Y/n! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” asked Mary.

“Yeah... yeah, I’m okay” I nodded while Will gently set me down.

“Okay... just... go and dress back into your normal outfit. Will, would you go with them, to make sure they won’t faint or something?” she asked Will.

“Y-yeah, of course” Will nodded.

So we headed out. Will held me softly, just in case and waited for me outside the locker room. When I came out, he stood up from the bench.

“Thanks again” I smiled sheepishly at him.

“I was just in the right place in the right time” he blushed.

“Well, you’re my hero. Thank you. I think I’m gonna go home. But I’ll see you around, yeah?” I asked him.

“Yeah” he nodded. “For sure.”

I quickly hugged him, then went out. I hoped that when we meet again, we would be able to talk more and get to know the other. And the first week after the fall break brought exactly that.

“Hey, Will!” I shouted happily when I saw him enter the school.

His face turned red when I saw me, but smiled. We walked towards each other and then embraced when we met in the middle.

“H-hi. I-it’s so good to meet with you again!” he said, smiling shyly. “How was your break?”

“Pretty good” I shrugged. “And yours?”

“I guess good” he said.

“I’m happy to see you again. Hey, I was thinking... Our dance practice starts this week and the boy I would’ve danced with, he found a new partner, so... would you be my dance partner?” I asked.

“Uhm... ye-yeah. If you really want it, yeah, I’d love to” he smiled.

“Thank you Will” I hugged him.

In the next few months we practiced and got to know each other with Will. We spent half of Christmas together and on New Year’s Eve, I finally met with his friends.

“But what if they don’t like me? What if they think I’m like all the other popular kids?” I asked.

“Come on Y/n! Everybody likes you! Seriously, there’s no way they wouldn’t like you!” he said. “Here we are!”

“Here goes nothing...” I sighed.

“Just... relax” he said as he pressed the button.

“It’s probably Will” we heard a muffled voice. And then the door opened. “Byers!”

“Mike” Will smiled warmly. “This is Y/n.”

“Hi” I smiled shyly.

“Oh... hi” Mike said. “Well... everyone’s already here and... we’re ready to start D&D... so...”

“You guys play D&D?” I asked. “That’s so cool!”

“Really?” Mike looked at me.

“Yeah. I mean I’ve heard a lot about the game and I always wanted to play, but since we moved here, I didn’t find anyone who played and then I got swept up with this whole cheerleading thing... and yeah. You know” I shrugged.

“Oh...” Mike looked at Will, who shrugged, somewhat proudly. “Then, come in! I’m sure, we could teach you.”

“Oh, man! That would be awesome!” I smiled.

So we went in and I met Lucas and Dustin. We had a fine night of playing D&D and laughing and talking. It was pretty awesome. At first all the information about the game was a bit too much, but then I got the hang of it and we played through a whole campaign. We of course stopped to celebrate the New Year. All in all, it was a great night.

After the break, we were back in school with full power. Most days we rehearsed and soon enough it was the last rehearsal before the dance.

“Y/n” Will started, but I quickly shook my head, that the teacher will be mad if we talk while rehearsing.

So Will shut his mouth and looked down for a sec at our feet. We pretty much knew the choreography, but we still rehearsed to perfect it. Even though everyone knew that it wouldn’t be perfect.

“Will, Y/n, heads up!” the teacher shouted through the loud music.

We looked into each other’s eyes and bit back a giggle. Through the next few minutes, until the music ended, we tried to make the other laugh, just by looking into each other’s eyes and moving our eyebrows. It was fun. Then it was break time and we couldn’t keep it in, we started laughing. We held each other for stability and just laughed.

“Oh man, I love you” he laughed.

I stopped laughing and looked at him. As he realized what he said, he stopped as well and looked at me, panic in his eyes.

“I love you too” I said, before he could say anything.

He let out a deep breath and smiled too. Our beautiful moment was cut by the teacher, who shouted at everyone to get into position for the last rehearsal. We sighed and got back to our place and we just stood, smiling, until our cue to start the choreography came up. It felt different, dancing after a confession like this. It was truly, truly amazing.

“Beautiful! Amazing Spectacular! C’est magnifique!” the teacher said as we reached the end. “Okay, it will be fantastic! So don’t forget. The dance starts at five p.m., but please be here at 4:30! Bring your dress and shoes, you’ll dress here, to make sure there won’t be any stains on the dress. And... we’ll meet on Saturday. You’re dismissed.”

We sighed happily and Will looked at me. He reached for my hand and I took it without any thinking. We exchanged a smile then headed out. We got everything from our lockers and went out of the school together, him waiting for his mom, me, just getting on my bike.

“Well... today was interesting” he said looking at me.

“Yeah, I guess you can say that” I smiled at him. “But... definitely in a good way.”

“Yes. Definitely” he nodded.

That’s when a green car stopped not far from the school doors. We both looked that way and then back at each other.

“Well... I guess this is our goodbye for now?” I asked.

“Yeah...” he nodded then hugged me.

I hugged him as close to me as I could. I pecked his cheek as we separated and a blush instantly made its way up his cheeks.

“We’ll see each other on Saturday!” I smiled.

“Yeah... on Saturday” he smiled back.

And on Saturday, I was freaking out.

“But what if I mess up the dance moves?” I asked my mom.

“Honey, for the millionth time, you’re going to be fine” she sighed while finishing my hair.

“But what if I won’t? What if I step on Will? What if I make the wrong turn?” I asked. “Oh, God! Will!”

“Sweetheart, you have time. We’ll get there just in time!” she tried to calm me. “Get your coat and dress and shoes.”

I got my shoes up and my coat. I grabbed my dress and my high-heels and ran out of the house.

“Sweetie, wait!” my mom laughed at me.

“Come on, mom! I don’t want to disappoint Will!” I turned back quickly and looked at her.

“Oh, of course” she nodded as we got into the car. “Will Byers. It’s always about him, isn’t it?” she smirked and my face turned red.

“Mom!” I said burying my head into my hands.

She started the car without saying anything, but I knew she’ll tease me about it more once we’re home. But after a few minutes we were at the school and I was heading towards the school.

“Y/n, finally!” the teacher smiled and lead me to the other girls.

I put on my high-heels and my beautiful baby blue dress. The teacher helped me with the zipper and I was finally ready. I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself when Will came in.

“Wow...” he breathed.

I turned to him and smiled at him. He was very handsome. He was in a suit and had a rose in his hand.

“Hey” I said softly.

“Hey... you... look breathtaking” he said.

“Thank you” I blushed. “You look amazing too.”

“Thanks” he looked down. “I... uh... got this for you” he offered me the rose.

“Thank you Will” I took the rose and hugged him.

We both sighed and then the teacher shouted excitedly.

“Everyone into position, it’s starting!”

We smiled at each other and holding each other’s hand we went out to the others. The music started and we danced our hearts out. As we got closer and closer to the end we felt the music becoming overwhelming. It was so amazing. Then the last note faded away and we were standing, looking towards the crowd, huge smiles on our faces. We weren’t only proud of all the things we accomplished, but also extremely happy about the outcome.

Will hugged me close and suddenly I felt at ease. It was like coming home. It felt natural and right.

“I love you so much” I whispered.

“I love you too” he smiled at me softly.

And that’s when it happened. The first kiss. It was small, but it had all that it needed. We smiled as we pulled away.

“I’m guessing then, this isn’t the last time I’ll see you?” I asked.

“Not a chance.”

[Masterlist]

#will byers x reader #will byers x you #will byers x y/n #will byers imagine #will byers #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #stranger things x y/n #stranger things imagine #stranger things

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kd-heart · 3 years

Text

Every now and then, I remember my first online experience. I was in 7th grade. Our Computer Science teacher (who was also our English teacher, but she got settled with Computer Science class bc she was the youngest and most tech savvy person in our school) finally allowed us to go on the Internet. (At the time, most of us did not have a computer at home and our only access to computers was that class, except for four kids that had already taken computer classes at the Children’s Club and the one kid whose parents ran an internet cafe - but we didn’t start hanging out at his place yet). So, a bunch of 13 year olds in the early 2000s finally had access to the internet. There were three or four of us to a computer in that class and the computers were really slow. First, she showed us how to look for stuff in a search engine (Google wasn’t a thing yet and I can’t remember what we were using) and how you’re probably going to find a website for any word you can think of. She used “apple” as an example (and facepalmed so hard when she realized that of course there was an Apple website!) Then... she unleashed us onto a chatroom. Now, we were very sophisticated teens, so we weren’t going to hang out in a Romanian chatroom! After a brief deliberation, we decided to pick an Italian one, hoping that between the three of us, we could navigate the language well enough. After considering things a bit more in depth, we decided we weren’t going to admit to being a group of 13 year olds, because that would be weird. We were going to collectively pretend to be one person and we were definitely 18! Those were the days of ASL PLS and never giving away your real ID online. We didn’t have regular access to the internet (or computers in general) but we knew as much and we were going to prove to our teacher that we could be responsible and she could trust us to go online again in the future.

So, there we are, three 13 year olds pretending to be a single 18 year old (we weren’t going to claim to be older than that, bc we really didn’t think we could pull off a whole adult), clicking on a random Italian dude to start a conversation.

It’s going slow, bc we really overestimated how much Italian we knew (but no one wanted to go with English with me) and the guy was pretty slow in replying. Eventually, he said something that really ticked us off (it’s been two decades, so I can’t remember how exactly this spiraled like it did) and I actually think we corrected his Italian at one point...

Him (switching to Romanian): doesn’t matter, you’re an idiot! Us (in shock, but immediately switching to Romanian, too): well, you’re mum’s the dumb! Him (still in Romanian): my mommy isn’t dumb! she’s at work! And this is where we logged off.

Ah, the olden days of the Internet! When men were 13 year olds, women were 13 year olds, 13 year olds were FBI agents, and no one was actually Italian! :))))

#even more me #three kids in a trenchcoat

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cozycryptidcorner · 3 years

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I went to a catholic school from kindergarten till 5th with a gap year or private tutoring for 6th and 1 semester of 7th. It was awful. Som bullets are

1. The vice principals son bullied me, nobody cared but I got in trouble for fighting back

2. The entire class above me bullied me

3. I didn't have any "real friends" except for rocky who moved away after first grade

4. My 3rd grade teacher hated me and made it so much harder for me. I finished work fast to read so she took my books

5. Had my 5th grade teacher threaten to shave me bald. Never liked her after that

6. Navy shirts, khaki pants. Heat. Need i say more

7. I was pretty much excluded when I came back from gap year. No longer fit. Only kid who liked me everyone hated.

8. Super religious teacher for English. Put into her lessons when not her class

9. Im very adhd and nobody understood that so I was constantly in trouble and in time out. So no socializing

Catholic school was traumatizing

Oh, Jesus. I’m sorry that happened to you. White American Catholicism is a cesspool of immorality that’s run on such grossly entitled behavior. I’ve lived a lot of places, overseas and in the US, and there is a special kind of ugly drama that happens in the American diocese that rarely carries over to other Catholic cultures (like Latinx churches and European nuns come to mind with being mostly exceptions), it’s unfuckingbelievable. Catholic school is a whole other level because it’s inescapable. While I’ve only done CDC and can only imagine what you went through every day, I was also a problematic child lol. Got yelled at once or twice and often corrected the teacher’s incorrect use of vocabulary.

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cdfreak · 3 years

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hey idk if you remember me but i was the 'my friend was addicted to vladimir putin x the reader fic in middle school anon' well i just remembered some other batshit stuff my friends and i did in middle school and i don't know who to tell bc idk if anyone would listen but i figured you wouldn't mind anyway feel free to ignore this if you want but. basically when i was in 7th grade my school decided that as group bonding shit each advisory would make its own flag to represent itself (1/10)

side note: i know not all schools have advisories so i just wanna clarify it was sorta like a prep school version of home room? except we did group bonding stuff together and sometimes ate weird ass snacks n stuff. so anyway we had to make this flag and my advisor was infamously awful bc it was our advisor's first year being a teacher and she didn't know what she was doing. on top of that the kids in the advisory were batshit (me included) we had this one girl who was rich af who always (2/10)

bragged abt how much money her dad made, we had a kid who was sketch and disappeared mid-year and we never found out why (we held a ceremony for him where i played the clarinet in his honor but thats another story), we had one kid who was chill at first but then he started dating a girl who was an ass and we all called him 'traitor' after that, there was me (closeted nonbinary lesbian but still mean and weird af), and of course my friend vladimir putin girl (3/10)

was there too (we were together til the end) and also there was this one girl from a neighboring advisory who was actually pretty chill and she'd come and hide in our advisory bc her advisory didnt like her but she's not important to this story. so the day that the flag-making activity is announced we're supposed to pick the integral parts of our flag and start drawing. we're supposed to have a motto and an animal that represents us. but the day this happens everyone but 2 kids are sick (4/10)

with the flu. i am one of the kids sick, i think it was the boy who disappeared and traitor who were left behind to fend for themselves. literally everyone even remotely artistically talented is gone on the day we start drawing. the next day we work on the flag we are all gone but the 2 kids have already picked our animal (goats) and our motto (fly like a butterfly float like a bee, which they contributed to caillou yes as in the cartoon character). we need to start coloring in the flag (5/10)

but none of us have any colored pencils except the rich girl but she won't share bc she thinks this activity is below her and so we rummage around in the drawers of the classroom and eventually find 2 crayons and they are like a nice teal color and a shit orange-red (think color scheme like if perry the platypus had an evil twin) and so we start coloring and i don't know this is supposed to be a flag yet bc our advisor has fucked off and not told us its a flag contest so us kids who are (6/10)

only just showing up think it's just some weird craft project and we just start fucking doodling. whatever we want. we write caillou on the flag at least 83 times. i draw a giant squid somewhere in the corner. vladimir putin girl writes a swear somewhere by the goat's head and starts to doodle flowers. traitor returns from a neighboring classroom victorious holding a bag of colored pencils and we can now expand our color scheme. we tie-dye the goat's face. by the time our advisor returns (7/10)

with glitter (idk why she brought glitter we never used it) to tell us its a flag its too late; we have created a monster. she confiscates the franken flag so that we can do no more damage and it is never finished. we think that it is done. but it is not done. it cannot be over, not yet. it is months later when we are walking the 7th grade hall after a shit english class that we find out what the flags were for. we leave the english classroom and find that everyone is out in the hallway (8/10)

looking at something, looking up, looking at what? and me and vladimir putin girl follow their gaze in unison and we see like 20 flags of the 7th grade advisories. they are crisp, clean, and uniform. they are laminated and placed in plastic frames. they hang above the lockers. most of them look pretty fucking good - the advisory of my latin teacher went so far as to create a whole freaking crest. they made it look serious and their animal was a WALRUS. and there, among all of the flags (9/10)

sits our fucked-up psychedelic goat. and the boy who disappeared isn't even able to see it when the other kids lose their shit at the amount of times we wrote 'caillou' on one piece of paper before it was confiscated from us. thx again for listening <3 (10/10)

this was such a trip thank u so much anon. your middle school experience fascinates me to no end. i would love to study you

#i saw the last ask before i read like all the other parts and i gotta admit i was expecting a real goat to show up somewhere #asks #anon

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obsidianfr3sk · 3 years

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40, for the weird asks? :) (*señora chismosa mode on*)

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

All the weird shit that has happened at my school has been traumatic for me, in some way or another, but I finally remembered a particular story that’s not so yay :D

Título: el día en el que mi escuela went all modo Facebook Bronco Investigation por una perra mamada

All of this happened at a Catholic school.

I was in my first year of Jr. High School (which for my American followers, it’s the equivalent of 7th grade) That particular day, we were at was at Grammar class, working, like a normal day. Suddenly, the teacher (which we’re gonna call Eliza, since she was a big Hamilton fan and was super sweet) received a text and told us she needed to go to the principal’s office. We were left alone for a good ten minutes before Miss Eliza came back, with other three teachers. One of those teachers was Mr. Simon, who was our titular at the time (idk the english word for it, but it’s basically the teacher who is in charge of our group and he handles the logistics of it, like grades, parents conferences, and that stuff). He ordered us to put our backpacks on top of our desks and then made us to sat down at the front of the classroom, and with a super serious expression, told us:

“Kids, I hope we don’t find what they told me we are going to find.”

GUYS, I SWEAR I HAD NEVER HEARD HIM TALK TO US LIKE THAT BEFORE, HE WAS ACTUALLY A PRETTY LAID BACK DUDE I WAS SO CONFUSED DKHFJFKDSHFJKDS

The teachers started to check all our backpacks, while we just watch them without being able to intervene. I had always been a bitch for gossip so I was gazing at all the four teachers, and saw with my two eyes how one of them take out of one my classmate’s backpack a bag full of gummies, smelled them, and said to Mr. Simon, “No, these are not the ones.”

And me, being a little 13-year-old girl, who was just starting to understand the world, my first thought was: “THEY ARE LOOKING FOR DRUGS MY CLASSMATES ARE A BUCH OF NARCOTRAFICANTES THE SCHOOL IS GOING TO CLOSE AND I’M GONNA WATCH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS GETTING ARRESTED OMG NO-”

After that, Mr. Simon told us we could go back to our thing and left with the rest of the teachers. All my classmates shared one brain cell and started to make all kinds of theories, that just got worse when the teachers (and the freaking principal) started to call some girls to the office. One of those girls, was a this one named Evander that’s the name I gave her when I was telling another story involving her jaja, who was really out-going, popular, pretty, and, from my point of view, the kind of person who would be selling drugs at school. Some girls of my class and I were waiting for her and the others to come back during our second recess, theorizing about what was going on and looking like we were about to start praying the rosary or something.

When Girl Evander (?) came back, she was a crying mess. She told us the principal and another teacher (who is not important so we’re not gonna give her a name) were practically interrogating her, telling her that her name had come up multiple times with other suspects and that if she named people, she wouldn’t get into any trouble, that they were going to call her parents, and that stuff that you say to kids to scare the shit out of them into confessing something.

And when she was finally able to tell us what they were looking for...

They were looking for a cellphone. A freaking cellphone.

Because apparently some girls had been doing musicallys and recording IG stories wearing the uniform and at the school’s restroom, which was against protocol or something (?). Also, our school had a serious policy against cellphones. But... extremely serious, I swear it. Their logic was: “Sexual harassment? Gender violence? That’s just kids being kids. Recording musicallys with your friends tho is fucking disgusting and you are going to jail for it”.

That day they did found cellphones. Our class was the “well-behaved” one, so we were lucky, but the other 7th-grade class was treated like.. literally criminals. They had to take off their shoes, they went through their lunchboxes and the girls had to jump in front of female teachers to see if they had their cellphones hidden between their clothes. I don’t remember if Girl Evander was one of them but she said, “I don’t get why they are so mean about the whole phone thing, what harm can it cause?”

Four years later, we are at the same high school and she gets expelled during our first semester after recording the inside of the boy's restroom while a younger kid was taking a piss and put it on her IG stories. So... that was kind of ironic.

To this day, I’m not sure why the teachers acted like that. The whole school felt really weird that day and some were genuinely scared. That school was shitty anyways, fuck them kjsdhfajshjsad

TL;DR: My school did a cellphone search during 7th grade, acted like they were the DEA, and the girl who was more vocal about her frustration with the whole “cellphones are prohibited because they can expose you if you put things on the internet that reveal personal information” got expelled from our highschool after recording a younger boy while he was peeing.

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 3 years

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Dangerous Minds

Those of my readers who haven’t known me long may not know that I was once a corps member of Teach for America. I taught 10th and 11th grade English for about 5 weeks, then I was told on a Friday about my “involuntary transfer” to another school in the district, where I’d be teaching 7th and 8th grade English instead. I went from having about 110 students to about 190. My classroom had no books (textbook or otherwise), no pencils, no paper, no markers or chalk, but it DID have one of those folding lamps that come out of the ceiling at the dentist’s office. The kids had been in there for 5 weeks with a rotating roster of subs; they’d done no schoolwork of any kind. I was teaching in a very poor area of the city, and my students were predominantly Black and Hispanic. One of my 10th graders wrote his first personal essay about getting shot the previous year. I say all this to tell you that when Chad asked that I review Dangerous Minds, the 1995 adaptation starring Michelle Pfeiffer of the true story of Louanne Johnson’s experience teaching in inner city schools in California, I was prepared to laugh it off as a cringey, Lifetime-movie representation of my experience. Is that what I got? Well...

For the most part, what I got was a ball of anxiety in my chest. It’s well-worn territory, obviously. A teacher bonds with their students from the wrong side of the tracks, and ends up learning just as much from them as they learn from him/her. Usually poetry or music features heavily as a tool that can set the students free from the depressing circumstances of their lives. Depending on the rating, usually a student dies, and the teacher learns just how Important their job is, so they commit to it even harder even though it pays no money and garners no respect from the administration who just doesn’t “get it.” But these cliches and stereotypes and broad strokes exist because at their core, they’re true, and they make me anxious and uncomfortable and I can’t laugh at them or Michelle Pfeiffer being a Nice White Lady because I’m too busy being angry about the systems we put in place that straight up abandon so many kids, all in the name of white supremacy.

Some thoughts:

Oh we’re starting right off the BAT with “Gangsta’s Paradise.” Fantastic news. Two things I associate so strongly with this song is skating around the skating rink in 2nd grade and buying the Weird Al cassingle of “Amish Paradise” and wearing it out.

Ooh, the score was composed and performed by Wendy & Lisa! Love that, you don’t see nearly as many film scores as you should composed by women.

God, the salary is $24,700 a year and Louanne acts as though that is appealing - I can’t tell if that’s because it was 1995 or because teacher salaries are so dismally low that this feels like a good salary?

This scene in which Louanne goes into her classroom for the first time and the kids are all shouting at her and getting in her face and sexually harassing her and throwing paper balls at her is giving me stress hives.

Also her friend Griffith (George Dzundza) saying, “You wanna teach, so teach! All you gotta do is get their attention” is rather disingenuous. Trust me, you can have their attention, and still not be able to teach.

I’m excited to see Sally-Can’t-Dance from Con Air as Raul (Renoly Santiago). He’s honestly fantastic in this, with a tough exterior but a sensitive and gooey inner sweet boy. All of the teens give pretty solid performances, but he’s a real standout.

I recognize this is based on a true story and Louanne Johnson’s lived experience, but I am not sure it’s wise for any teacher, regardless of grade or subject, to be teaching her students how to fight each other. Or taking them to dinner on what looks to outsiders like a date. I know some people have a problem with the bribery (giving her students candy for speaking up in class) but I have no problem with it - you get paid to do all the dumb stuff you don’t want to do at work, why shouldn’t kids be compensated for going to school if they don’t want to be there? External motivation goes a long way to building up internal motivation.

Mm I do love me some Courtney B. Vance, but he’s such a quiet, condescending ass in this. It’s a different vibe than I’m used to seeing in a principal in a movie like this.

Ooh, Griffith grading papers and saying “What a fuckin’ idiot” is a real mood.

“Since when has the Board of Education done anything for us? We barely get fuckin lunch” is legit. The lunches my students were served in summer school were some of the most horrifying things I’ve ever seen. One day it was spoiled milk, white bread, and pickles. And one of my students put his in a microwave that was hidden in the back of my classroom behind some dividers and left it for a week. And just so you know, as stomach-churningly awful as that sounds, the day I found “pickle man” as my student called him, isn’t even in my top 5 worst days teaching list.

I like Griffith, and I’m glad Louanne has a friend, but frankly I’m not that interested in these interludes between them - they really feel like they slow down the momentum from the scenes of her in the classroom slowly earning the kids’ trust. The pacing is kind of a mess, because the most dynamic sections all revolve around the kids in the classroom, and I feel like that only makes up about a third of the movie.

One thing I know for sure is you do not get in the middle of a fight between students. I have a friend who worked in the same district I did who interrupted a fight and got punched in the face because of it. And her principal blamed her.

Oh wow the way the soundtrack picks up when Emilio finally engages in the class is some kinda cheesy. And it continues through the rest of the scene to a distracting degree. Oh Wendy and Lisa, I hoped for better.

Can I just emphasize that to reach these kids, Louanne uses her experience as a LITERAL MARINE by demonstrating she can kick all their asses, and then she bribes them by paying for 25 kids to go to an amusement park for the entire day with her?

Also, even if they like and respect her now, I call bullshit at any scene in which ALL of the kids are A) sitting in their seats or B) silent, and especially C) both.

Um suddenly feeling some weird vibes with Louanne and Raul having a dinner date at this fancy restaurant by themselves. Also, the double standard here is pretty telling - there’s no way this scene makes the movie if Louanne had been a male teacher and Raul was a female student.

Wait wait wait, she’s also loaning Raul $200? Like, is this why I didn’t make it as a teacher? Because I wasn’t a former Marine taking students to amusement parks and fancy dinners and lending them money? I was 25 and could barely afford rent. Maybe teachers who have enough money to take care of themselves are better equipped to take care of others. Idk, I’m just spitballin here.

Oh “Gangsta’s Paradise” is happening again! We already heard the whole song over the opening credits but now it’s happening again about 3/4 way through. I mean this song is definitely the best thing about the film, so I get it, but it feels weird that they think we wouldn’t notice it playing to completion twice.

Michelle Pfeiffer is doing everything she can to make this movie feel less cheesy and more real. Like, you can tell she’s really trying with her performance. Of course, it’s not like the character is a huge challenge acting-wise, but she is definitely committed to the part and can walk the line of both accessible and tough.

This scene where Louanne tells her class she is not going to be there next year, that what happened to Durell and Lionel and Callie and Emilio made her too sad to stay has not aged well at all. And it’s certainly true to life, and I say that as someone who did the same thing. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s a reality - the fact that I’m a nice white lady is exactly the reason that I can choose to leave when things get too hard. Just because the kids convince her to stay at the end in this very rushed “all’s well that ends well” way doesn’t sweep this scene under the rug, and it shouldn’t.

Ope, “Gangsta’s Paradise” shows up one last time in the credits for good measure.

Side note: after the film, I researched Louanne, and she’s still teaching, which honestly made me emotional (in a good way). And I’d like to point out the racist ass bullshit the studio and screenwriter Ronald Bass pulled by changing the poems the students read to Bob Dylan lyrics when Louanne originally used rap lyrics from popular artists in ‘89-’90 to teach the kids about poetry.

Did I Cry? No, but I did get heartburn from anxiety flashbacks.

This genre of film is easy to mock and parody because it tells the same story and hits the same beats to the point that they’ve become cliche. Ultimately, the truth at the heart of the movie (which is the un-nuanced and candy-coated depiction of Johnson’s real memoir, My Posse Don’t Do Homework) is that high schoolers crave someone who will see them and validate them, someone who is willing to put in the effort. The quality of the package that truth is wrapped in varies, and this one certainly leans in hard on stereotypes that feel like cheat codes rather than any real illuminating depictions of living teenagers. But as cringey as it is to watch, maybe it’s not a bad thing to remember that all people - including those who are trapped in poverty and all the cruel injustices that entails - want to be seen and valued for who they really are.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #dangerous minds #dangerous minds review #michelle pfeiffer #renoly santiago #courtney b vance #louanne johnson #movie reviews #film reviews #patreon review

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