#to get extra time off work..ha!

[greatspacedustbin]

... I may just have bought a plane ticket to Australia...

#Unreal #it's pretty much a plan that has been in the making for 18+ years #but it's been on the back-burner for quite a while because I didn't think it was feasible #partly because of the whole time vs money issue #but thanks to my job trying to screw me over and having to undo that.. I suddenly found myself with a bargaining chip #to get extra time off work..ha!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I imagine barnaby trying to be all cool and flirting with howyd subtly but his smoke gives him away fjsns

he thinks he's smooth smh...

#cracking up thinking about this ngl #like howdy continues on with work #and whoever's at the table with barn - lets say uhhhh idk julie #is like 'awww your smoke turns pink when you talk to him' #and barn just freezes a la 'excusemeitfuckingWHAT' #aaaand Slam that panic button #bbg didnt know.... #rambles from the bog #wh fantasy au #anyway i think ill never draw a better howdy #i squandered my Him points on an au scribble- AN AU SCRIBBLE #ive peaked ill never get any better! #< lie. there's always room for improvement and reaching new heights #on the flip side i had such a rough time with barn #its always an exchange - i can either draw a good howdy or a good barn Never both smh #still though idk How this came out as good as it has i have not drawn in days #nary a line nor doodle to be found... #but covid is wearing off and babey i am BACK! #slowly. it beat me up pretty good ngl #it took me tf out im gonna be extra tired for a while... #but since my congestion has cleared up and im not Hacking and Sniffling anymore #stream soon probably! Normal Stream To Get Back In The Swing Of Things #it feels like ive been sick for a thousand years but i think its been like #three days??? i really dont know... #i hope everyone is doing well and Not getting covid. wear your mask #i wore mine but my stepdad didnt and Look What Fuckin Happened

[ghouljams]

Fae Gaz must have been having a fucking ball in the 1880s. All the misery and want to get away from this terrible life. Hunter faes were just scooping these guys up.

You've hit one of my special interests, the Victorian era, congrats.

It's easy to be a weaver when everyone is desperate. Medicine is heroic because nothing works. Literature is all escapism and desire. People are miserable and fulfilled in equal measure. Life is uncomfortable, but indulgent. Sugar has recently become mainstream, fashion is elegant and elaborate, people are less trustful of fairy tales...

Gaz has a little shop where he sells goods, well, where he sells services. Sort of an apothecary, sort of a devil's bargain. The industrial age makes it hard to wander between mushroom rings, but the city makes a buffet look bare. Shop life is fairly boring, it's a lot of waiting, but it's better than hitting a molly bar or a gentleman's club. Besides that he gets bored when he has too many of the same sort of customer.

Why does everyone want to leave their wife anyway? Pathetic.

At least with a shop he gets a variety of wants to sink his hooks into. Cures for maladies, passing out changelings, running away from a marriage(good for them, Gaz thinks, making one less whiner at the club), wanting money or recognition, it's all so pedestrian. It's all so easy. Sometimes he just passes people off to Soap to see if he can do anything interesting with them.

Price keeps coming around to check on him, to check on his offer. It's bad for business having him and Ghost hanging around the shop. Or, well, actually watching Price deal with people is sort of intoxicating. There's something so elegant in the sinister way he works, the way his voice drops low and his victims seem to melt for him. It almost works on Gaz too. When Price leans against the shop counter and asks if he's still happy playing shop --they both know he isn't-- Gaz almost caves to the smoke Price swirls around the room.

"Aren't you tired of waiting for someone to walk through the door? Thought you were smart enough not to like easy." Price's eyes stare through him, asking questions he already knows the answer to. Anyone else and Gaz might think they were trying to be rude. No, Price is saying it to be sure Gaz has heard his unhappiness out loud.

"Easy keeps you fed." Gaz drums his fingers against the counter.

"Not in any way that matters," Price tells him. Gaz lets out a breath, shaking his head. He thinks about Soap's artists, shorter lived each time. Still, as much as he may hate them there are rules.

"Do you always stick your nose where it doesn't belong?" Gaz asks, unwilling to come up short in this exchange. That's probably the same attitude that got him here in the first place.

"Only when I think it's worth the effort," Price's smile is confident, he raises a hand and Ghost disappears somewhere. The shop is silent, save for Price's low voice. "You're not doing yourself any favors with this web, you know that as well as I do. At some point the gloves have to come off, and when they do you might find that your rules are more flexible than you'd thought."

"This is why people hate creditors," Gaz tells him quietly, it's a joke, just to see the amused shine in Price's eyes.

"And why you'll make a damn good one." Price holds out a small card, "You do your job right, and no one knows you were ever there. Doesn't that sound like more fun than waiting for a trap to spring?"

Gaz hums, taking the card and examining it. It's blank. Price tugs at a small tether now strung between them. He hadn't even thought- No it was something else, some warp of perception that Price had about him. Trustworthy, Gaz thinks, there's no threat behind his words. "When you want a drink you'll know where to find me," Price doesn't sound smug, doesn't sound like he's won anything, he's friendly, "Don't keep me waiting too long."

"I won't." And it's strange, but he means it. When Price nods, accepting his promise, Gaz feels something lock in, like a switch being flipped. This might actually be fun.

#1fae1 #fae!Gaz #fae!Price #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price #simon ghost riley #If you feed off of misery eventually it'll start making you a little miserable #I think Price has been courting Gaz for a while #but it's the Victorian era when Gaz really gets fed up with weaving #and decides to hell with it if he's gotta work within a system it's going to be his own #lowkey feeding myself scraps of poly fae au #Ghost working as Price's guard and Gaz working as his protege #Soap's already been working as extra muscle for Price on and off #it's easy for him to come on full time when Ghost and Gaz are in the mix #Price is collecting pretty boys

[famewolf]

speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling

#[static] #it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism #some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under #i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever #it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others #and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing #like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks #every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like #one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways #something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out #i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery #poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop #never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on #so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly #and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again #its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much #im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel

[cherrysnax]

havin the weirdest crisis of my life

#this is like. did related so im gonna sound completely uh #what’s the word. odd and shit for a sec okay? okay #so I’ve been here. hi im cheri silver yknow me for about 20 years total but jay used to front for years when we were in middle school #im not the. original host I guess but I’ve been around since #we were in the early single digits and never left #so im the host right? I existed to go thru the Trauma #but. it’s been my life for so long. my parents don’t know Her #they’ve only known me #but like. we’re finally starting to let go of that trauma #errr not let go but make peace with it. and we’ve been holding onto it for so long. I’ve been holding on to it for so long #but.. who am I without it? like yes that’s my trauma but also. is my purpose over?? is that why we haven’t been able to draw? #I’ve been the host for 20 years this is my life #my friends my gf my life my hobbies it’s mine not anyone else’s #I let others take the wheel when I can’t (or they forcibly do it for me) and jays been gone for like 3 years he only came back because I’ve #been being traumatized everyday recently. but like. will I have to go too?? #reintergration is not really our goal. never has been but like #if we do. will I be here or will She come back? we’ve had false alarms before but it’s mostly been decided that it’s my front my life #maybe im just triggered all the time and that’s why I feel extra out of it #less myself #New Traumas are happening to us everyday #but yeah. I dont talk abt this aspect of my life much but it’s so scary to think about #I’ll talk to Chevy when they get off of work tomorrow abt it if it’s still like. freaking me out #I am me. we are a bunch of niggas but I am me. #did niggas when the identity disorder makes them dissociate smh #😫

[musubiki]

i need to draw more......mochi pining for oblivious lime........

#need to think more about that time period where shes so in love with him and hes (shes just a friend) #(a cute friend but still just a friend) #i think the reason lime eventually likes her is because she hides that she loves him so well #so hard to get lime to like someone #hes the type where if you show interest right off the bat he gets irked #because he knows (or thinks) you only like him for his handsome face #to get lime to like you you have to 1) spend a LOT of time getting to know him as a friend. like years #2) he has to want to / like being friends with you enough to hang out that long #3) he has to actually be attracted to you #so fucking hard to meet the criteria #hard enough to meet the first two and then the 3rd one is just up to chance honestly #anyway. for a while hes in straight denial that mochi is anything more than a friend #even to get him to admit shes cute is like pulling teeth #imagine being mochi....so close yet so far #just loving him quietly #all you can be is supportive #afraid to show even a little bit of affection because you dont want him to get freaked out or uncomfortable #i think she knows hes like that too so she works extra hard to hide it #pattern observation + hes ranted to her about it once before

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Gonna have to bust out the comm sheet soon bc work is not scheduling me and. frankly. I simply do not want to be there as of late

#management change has been BRUTAL but we're working on it #anyways. need to get the business email set up bc i lowkey don't really wanna keep putting my full legal name out there lmao #i just. hope i can feel good enough to carry this out. all the time off and i feel so eh bc of work stuff #i wish it didn't bother me so much!! i don't WANT it to bother me this much!! i want to make art and make art for ppl bc i love to make art #maybe i'll go for a walk and feel like the light is coming back into my life. #also the extra money would really help me pay down my credit card debt so i'll be including that in the sheet lmao #it'll be a pretty simple sheet. flat rate. feeling lazy about it but i wanna be a little more serious about it this time #bc i uh. would really like to not be in debt if i can help it lmao. i'm making it work but it could also work better #anyways. keep your eyes open for that! #shai speaks

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I dont know if it's the rsd or some other aspect of The Horrors™ but someone made an off hand comment about my tattoos making me "basically unhireable" and even though I know it isn't true I'm now spiraling in doubt

#rejection sensitive dysphoria #it doesnt help that im questioning my ability to make it as an actor anyway #not so much in acting ability just like #i cant afford to finish school which would give me more opportunities #and i cant afford to live somewhere that has those opportunities #and i cant afford to take time off work to take small extra roles that dont pay much can help my resume/networking #so it feels like its impossible for me to even get a chance #then add this on top of it #and i know it isn't true #theres plenty of actors who have tattoos #like so many of them #im just #ugh #op

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

i got the sweetest email from someone i did a reading for, and it made me tear up because i'm a giant baby, lmao.

#i've been doing online readings for extra cash lately&everyone has been so sweet. #i have lucked out hard on the ppl who want me to read for them lmao i know my luck wont last forever #buuut ill take whatever luck i can get #&after too much time in one service -type job or another its really cool to have ppl actually be grateful for the work i do #even if its just reading cards lmao. #doing personal blind-reads however is never gonna not be super nerve wracking LMAO what the hell happens when someone finally tells me #i was way the fuck off lmao. anxietyyyyyyyyyyy. #messages like this makes it worth tho. :) #gratitude journal #yas

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

[deva-arts]

Some obligatory hiatus doodles

#amontag #vincenttag #soniasanderstag #vincent's waterproofing in action! He got a haircut recently but his mohawk is as stubborn as his personality. #Also a very rare moment of introspection from vince here. he's sorting things out. just a PSA here though I doubt I will ever make him date #Way too many things going on with him to consider a relationship of all things. He can have friends and family though :3 #Amon has a few other forms. I was considering doing this sooner but now I'm extra happy with the idea #Why does he only have three? why only apex predators? that's some lore I'll divulge at a different time #He uses his croccy form most- including when he's humanoid because it's most convenient. No shedding and lots more defense #he can tank bullets and quickly get down to business too. not to mention his croc-form dulled his emotions when it came to his old work #even when he looks 'human' he is always in one of those three forms. He also dislikes getting fur in his clothing. #Adra has a similar influence from these powers but doesn't have any shifting. More like little characteristics #Vincent usually covers Amon's lack of speed and evasiveness while Amon covers Vincent's lack of defense and (comparative) strength. #They bounce off of each other's vibes way too well sometimes but can get the job done in a chaotic but efficient way. Sera buddies them up #She sometimes carries missions with Amon because of his previous experience and range of powers for certain missions. #vincent doesn't like taking orders from Ser specifically but has surprisingly learned the concept of restraint and polity from amon. #ARK_SYSTEMA

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

sometimes ya just gotta scribble your favorite character giving you words of encouragement. even if that favorite is a guy from your own brain

#shoutout to my Specialest Boy he always has my back #hes not a real person but he's got me!!! he always does! #he's been Getting Me Through It since eighth fucking grade! #whether its nice words or a mental slap and a Do It Scared #setting him as my home screen for extra Courage on this scary day #(have to apply for a job in person somewhere ive never been) #if i feel too nervous i can open my phone and look at his smiling face! #there is a gay ace gender-nonconforming man on my phone and he's 50% of my emotional support #IF HE DID ALL OF THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS SCARED THEN! THEN I CAN APPLY FOR A JOB! #said through gritted teeth and with panicked breathing #i really gotta work on that Do It For Him board... #absolutely unprompted #if i get this done he'd be proud of me and that's all i need #gazing at him lovingly. someday ill pay him back #i have years to puzzle out how i want to put him out into the world #since i highly doubt ill ever manage to get into tv business and make my own animated show #childish dreams! but they soothe me at night #man i just want him to be loved... OKAY IM GETTING EMOTIONAL time to cut myself off tags over

[silverselfshippingchaos]

when you can see his eyes behind his shades, I get all 😳

#ash rambles 💚 #HE'S SO HANDSOME... #he has really nice eyes wjdhwjdh #gets me extra flustered whenever i think about how whenever hes alone with ash he takes off the shades.. AHJSHWJSHQJS #ash down ash down!!! old man too stunning for her to handle!!!! #also the other day i saw a smooth-faced v.iktor mod and when i tell you i nearly lost my shit #he's so handsome #you make night city brighter 🌃 #oh and speaking of ash and him when theyre alone. methinks c.p2077 ash has a scar on her cheek! #she was kidnapped by scavs whenever she was still a mercenary! not a fun time! but man... v.ik kissing and touching that scar... AHSJAHSJAH- #ash is also a tattoo artist! some (not all) of v.ik's tattoos are ash's doing too! but as a result ash has a lot of tattoos too #it makes my face very warm whenever i think about how v.ik is probably the only one that has seen all of ash's tattoos #same goes for him ofc! a lot of ash's cybernetics are his doing too! she's not crazy chromed up but she's not entirely organic either #he has this one line where he says that since ash 'made his back her playground' it's only fair that he gets to work his magic on her too #she has a grip on her hand + kiroshis in her eyes/a scanner + a double jump #so basically everything v has! which is done intentionally! she's meant to kinda represent an older v aka what v never could be #oh and for reference. ash is literally in her 70s LMAO no spring chicken!

[choking-on-roses]

It doesn't matter how long I live with ADHD or how many coping mechanisms I have...I *am* going to lose very important things and I *am* going to feel like a dumb little baby whenever that happens and get so frustrated I could cry. Why does my own brain hate me so bad? Do you understand how fucking terrifying it is to just FORGET important things in your life? It's scary and belittling and takes away your own sense of agency and competency every single time...

#adhd #personal #i lost my hanko #which is like. ARGH #i NEED it in order to sell my car #i cannot find it anywhere. it's in NONE of the places where i keep important things #so where did it go?? #i ordered a new one online for 3000 yen and i still have to take it to city hall to get it registered #which like. i have fucking work!! it's closed by the time i finish work! #so it'll take me forever to get it replaced and just. i have sooooo many things i have to take care of on my days off i don't have time!!! #like what if. i just could fucking find important things when i need them #it honestly feels like i have a goddamn poltergeist stealing my shit and making me go insane #my own brain is fucking haunted bro #anyway. i am VERY anxious about this. everything i try to do has 100 extra steps

[suitmana]

honestly a shame that freya's kind of underrated (at least from what i see), i know that the lebkuchen nation is strong for a reason and rozenmarine has the whole fated lover thing going on, but idk i like how it feels like freya's the one you really have to go out of your way for

#possibly terrible take but the way freya is Just There while everything goes to shit in kieferberg #imo makes it extra special when elise decides to reach out for her #like freya thinks she may just be some girl #but she has her love. her strength (physical and mental). her unwavering belief in elise's goodness. #and despite everything #elise wants to understand her--to put their past behind #and she does! elise eventually recognizes freya's ambitions as something greater than whatever castle or riches she herself dreamed of #because freya is real. not only did freya give elise the most concrete way out of kieferberg (starting anew in primeldorf) #freya relies on her own merits to get where she wants #precisely because of their past #so when elise chooses to not only come with freya to primeldorf #but enthusiastically support her dreams of becoming a seamstress #it just feels like their relationship has come full circle #all i'm saying is that soap by the oh hellos is THE freylise song #it's the idea of finding that connection in the unlikeliest of places and working your ass off to nurture it #the other girls are amazing but can we pls talk about the rivals-to-lovers aspect of freylise #i recognize that this may just be me coping with freya not having much screen time compared to the others #but yk what i am drunk on the freylise juice so i will cope even Harder #lgts #little goody two shoes #grape jewel

[qsmprambling]

If cookie access is going to be a big concern with holidays and such coming up, maybe it's worth flagging it with the admins. Maybe add some kind of banker to the bakery that only eggs can access and parents can give cookies to? Or just make it easy and have it that everyone's cookies are worth 1 point.

#Honestly I'm not a fan of the cookie system #and share the general opinion that it sort of takes away the opportunity for bonding that the previous system encouraged #but I also understand this eliminates the need for admins to track player activity #but with the amount of people away and off and especially with holidays coming up #the half-points from anyone but parents is going to put a lot of pressure on people to stock up for themselves and others #which involves them playing extra days #which reducing the checkmarks to 3 was supposed to help reduce #honestly they should just switch it back to everyone being able to do anyone's quests #because there are times parents simply can't help being away #and that puts a pressure of other islanders to save their kid #which takes a lot more work than it does the parent #Like it would take someone 6 days to save enough cookies for an egg that isn't theirs #what about their own? #what about multiple eggs? #There have been actual days where Bad has had to complete quests for 6 eggs AT THE SAME TIME #again I get this also encourages involvement from more people on the island #but the quests aren't even fun for people so the motivation to do them will probably fizzle out with time #and thus fewer extra cookies #right I'm rambling stopping again pfft #tl;dr interesting system but will need tweaks I think @_@ #like before this people only needed to log in 3 times a week with their egg to keep them safe #and STILL there was at least one egg almost every Sunday doing their quest last minute with a babysitter #just making it so anyone's cookies will add up to 1 point will alleviate a lot of the stress I think #even if it does mean that 1 person can only take care of max 2 eggs a week (and half of another) #ramble