#tumblr dumbinants

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

When Did Loud, Obnoxious, And Cocky Become Signs Of Dominance?

There is a story told about Theodore Roosevelt when he was president. Some of you may not know that TR was a hunter and he had heard that a famous big game hunter was in Washington DC so he sent a note saying that he would like to meet him. So the hunter arrives at the White House and is ushered into a meeting with the President. An hour and a half later, the hunter emerges from TR’s office, appearing to be in a state of disorder, and one of the president’s aides approached the man to ask what he might have said to have angered his boss. The hunter looked at the aide and said, “I just told him my name”. One of TR’s traits, for better or worse, is that he could talk, loved to do it, and once he started on a roll he was going to go until he finished. It was not that the hunter had done or said anything that had caused anger or upset, he was just on the receiving end of Theodore Roosevelt being himself.

Now this story is completely unrelated to the wizarding world of D/S but it does relate to the way that some who identify as dominants cannot seemingly close their mouths and listen.

They always must control the conversation and they talk for no other apparent reason other than to hear themselves talk and we cannot forget their favorite subject to talk about, them. What is even worse, some newer submissives expect d-types to loud, obnoxious, and cocky. So here are six reasons dominants need to sit down, shut up, listen, and retain what they have heard and why submissives should steer clear of those who refuse to listen.

Even though the d-type leads the relationship, it is still a partnership however if your partner is not fulfilled they are not going to be a partner for long. The only way a dominant can make sure their submissive is happy is by listening.

You learn more from listening than you ever do from talking. Part of being a submissive’s leader is understanding them and their needs, desires, and dreams intimately which cannot happen if a person does not ask and then listen carefully when the s-type answers.

Here is what is sure to be a shocker for the Tumblr dumbinants, a D/S relationship is not about you, and ready for that big shocker? The submissive has 100% of the power in the relationship 100% of the time because with a little two-letter word they can stop anything and everything. Just in case someone reading this has not figured out the word yet, it is no.

Speaking of no and revoking consent, according to the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom one in five people have their consent violated within their first five years involved in the lifestyle. Submissives, if a d-type will not listen to you over dinner, what makes you think they will listen during play when you say your safeword?

In the lifestyle, there are so many myths as to what a dominant needs to be or should be that over the years many newer d-types, especially men, who rather than be themselves and show their insecurities, which all of us have, try to fake it until they make it. This faking often shows itself by the d-type acting as though they must ride roughshod and talk, talk, talk rather than have an actual conversation with active listening.

The final point is sharing some of the traits of your friendly, neighborhood narcissist. While it is true that our not-so-loveable or neighborly narcissist will indeed crave to talk about themselves and their greatness, do not interrupt them, but not all big talkers are nincompoop narcissists. So in addition to the love of talking about the most amazing person in their life, themselves, narcissists will display a lack of or total void of empathy. Their life is based on the one true way of doing everything, which is their way. Do not worry, they will correct the error of your ways in just a moment. They are the embodiment of the difference between being in control and controlling plus they are perfect because their mistakes are the fault of others. Do not fret because it will not be long before you are the reason they made a boo-boo. They cannot understand a relationship as a partnership because they are unable to accept a partner, only those who wish to do exactly as they demand when they demand it.

There is not a darn thing wrong if you are a person who tends to talk a lot, talk often, or even if you are a loud talker. A quick, cautionary note, be careful where/when you talk about BDSM if you want your involvement to not be widely known because a voice that carries can transport discreet news to ears connected to tongues that gossip. Everyone has unique communication traits and skills but within D/S some dominants need to take a zip-it-and-listen pill. Shiny thing moment, we have pills that can give a guy a rock-hard baloney pony but not one for curing failure to listen? D-types need to hear and listen to others, especially their s-types. Finally, submissives when you encounter “Sir Talks-A-Lot”, please take note of the subtle clues to determine if you are being chatted up by someone who just loves to talk or if your ship is sailing perilously close to narcissistic nastiness.

What methods do suggest that may help someone become better listener?

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2023

#d/s relationship #d/s community #d/s blog #d/s real life #dom/sub #bdsmblog #bd/sm community #bd/sm lifestyle #ds community #chattingwiththelightkeeper #bdsmlife #bdsmrelationship #d/s lifestyle #d/s dynamic #bd/sm relationship #d/s #my quotes #my thoughts #my writing

[enjoyyourdunghillbaal]

Tell me about my old porno mag collection.

Is the catholic church undergoing a deficiency that requires you to pester people for old gossip?

Is it supposed to make me feel ashamed?

I'm not the one that almost killed somebody trying to break in and pillage an old porno collection or cover your own ass from being caught so you could save face that you don't want others to.

Is fighting with an old roomate or spouse over a goddamn playboy magazine from 30 years ago, NOT something to be ashamed of?

You keep making references to the same model or pictorial, as if I'm supposed to know what that means.

Is that you, trying to hold something over my head, as if you have blackmail to use against me?

What about her? Does she like the attention you have for her? 30 years ago..

You also seem to have this urination fetish.

But you don't fucking yield to the term urine or pee do you, what special safeword do you need to hear to show me who my "master" is?

What point do you think you're making there?

I'm not interested in your bdsm bullshit, do you fantasize about trying to be a male Dom over me? Do you fantasize about being somebody's master? Do you need to assert yourself as somebody's master?

Do you think that you're a "master" over somebody just because you say so?

What if your predatory male ego ass can't make the girl or guy submit to you?

I know who I gave them to or left them with, am I supposed to associate your "mysterious" criminal conduct with one of those people? Or did some asshole play Indiana Jones and break in, to raid your precious ark of the covenant and go through my shit before deciding to make asshole comments about the collection, talking shit and concealing your identity while safely out of striking distance.

You hoarding an old hand-me-down porno collection. Solid purchases that none of you threw in on, or paid into,

before you start accusing me of not supporting an industry, when trying to conquer and divide your own enemies.. same goes with movies and music, cds and dvds.. non-hacked legit retail software..

And I'm supposed to be ashamed or look like the fool? Why the fuck aren't you ashamed?

Were you hoping to turn people against each other? Or was the person i gave them to making it clear we have an unfinished score.

Are you going to make a tumblr app pop-up that requires completion then you have to press a "submit" button to continue? Would that make you feel more like a dumbinant male?

Do you think a person doesn't have the legal right to tell you no?

How do you not rationalize this bullshit attitude as rape?

[blenderchildren]

Homesick

What is it about Tumblr that always makes them align with what I reject? Do they whine to admins, like advertising and promotional agencies to make room for them? Is it because they're Australian or in the Southern hemisphere?

How quick they are to embrace the inverted pentacle, and how eager to fight over exclusivity about Christianity or Satan. Christian values to appease mom and dad, under a devil worship system of pecking order or governance, straight to wrath and warmonger alpha male dumbinance bullshit. There is nothing that is said that they don't align to the contrary and pick fights about as if their life depends on it.

If you need the name of our Creator or the devil mentioned for a dissonance in the environment to go away. You're a human element fabricating a lie behind an illusion of an immortal, divine or supernatural being. It means you're scared of something. I should not have to include you like a food group on my dinner plate on some outsider's demand, for the universe to fall in balance. A human ego that will not rest until you declare which one you like more. mommy or daddy.🤮

My creator is not that insecure, and does not need glory before peace in my own inner temple.

[honeys-bnbdc]

Day 6, Heartfelt Appeal!

This is something of a crack ship, but it's treated seriously fer the sake of the au it's from lmao

@gxmonth 😋

#art #artists on tumblr #digital art #ygo #anime #ygo gx #anime fanart #yugioh #gxmonth2021 #asuka tenjoin #alexis rhodes #miho nosaka #judai yuki #jaden yuki #daichi misawa #bastion misawa #au #cw racism #the au is deeper but im dumbin it down #bc i thought abt this fer months n ion wanna ramble lmfao #mihoxasuka #misuka? #mika? #mika sounds kinda cute ngl #sorry if any of yall r upset after readin this shit #n im totally not projecting on these 3 #i would never #n yea i didnt wanna draw shoes fer miho #im not taking questions on this ship either ITS CUTE😤🙏🏾🙏🏾 #i was also too lazy to draw them on a bench or sumin

[dumbinic]

y'all ever fuckin uhhh 🤡?

#clowns #art #pencil sketch #illustration #artists on tumblr #dumbinics art #sketch

[fanofbabyprincess]

HAHAHAHA This is how YG backfired all the complaints ‘surprise my cute ikonics I gave Hanbin his first kiss’

#ikon #first #kiss #hanbin

[robbialy]

From • @hoganordrekords Today eight years ago today Thurston Moore payed a visit in the recordstore and bought two copies of HNR001: Pistol Disco - Bad Wisdom / Egypt. The first release on Höga Nord Rekords. ❤️ On friday the 25th, it’s time for release #100 on Höga Nord! HNRBOX004: Höga Nord 100 - The Effect Will Last Forever (10 x 12" + Box & Extras) Handmade box with embossing print made by Norrmalms Kartongfabrik. Including 10 x 12" releases: HNRUK001: Dark Strands - The Last Ride EP HNRUK002: Vox Low - Loving Hell EP HNRUK003: High Boys - World Dumbination EP HNRUK004: Timothy J. Fairpaly - Mindfighter EP HNRUK005: Fontän - The Convenanza Remixes HNRUK006: Bird Of Paradise - Smoking Holiday EP HNRUK007: Mythologen - Church Music HNRUK008: Jamie Paton Disk Memories HNRUK009: Frak - Ternary Fission EP HNRUK010: Birds - Solitary Dancers EP (Exclusive box set release!) All releases comes in limited discosleeves. HNRUK010: Birds - Solitary Dancers EP is a EXCLUSIVE release for this box set. Woven patch and poster included Limited to 75 copies! Pre-orders taken now at hoganordrekords.bandcamp.com https://www.instagram.com/p/CQBbWQEJfJN0073BIqV1pWTq8N0OA8_d69bdBQ0/?utm_medium=tumblr

#100

[singularitaes]

A couple of weeks ago I got into an argument about Dumbinic with messy bitch B and messy bitch A defended messy bitch B and now I’m watching them go at each others throats in the most ridiculous petty tumblr fight I’ve ever seen lmao  

#Vindication.gif

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

Here in the D/S lifestyle, some unique things try to get passed off as normal or perhaps the way things are done but just because Tom, Dick, and Helen do these things, they are not any less wrong. So while this thought today is certainly not perfect, it might just help avoid Facebook Fools, FetLife Fakes, Instagram Idiots, and Tumblr Toads. For all those amazing perverts reading this, you just might like this identification and avoidance method’s name, T.I.T.

short for Title Immediately - Twattwaffle. Within the lifestyle, titles must be earned, never assumed, demanded, expected, or required and those people who need you to address them by a title must be avoided.

Just in case it was not clear enough above:  All titles must be earned, period, end of that short story and if a d-type wants anyone to address them by an honorific without having merited it, a big, huge, enormous, and gargantuan red flag is waving.

Since this is a pretty straightforward thought and tits are so much fun to play with, here is a bonus of three entertaining reasons scallywags have demanded being addressed by an honorific. Drum Roll, please…

I am old enough to have earned master/sir.

Really? Since when does age equal maturity, and knowledge, and yet in their ‘mature age’ they do not know a title is a signal/sign of respect in the lifestyle?

I have dedicated ten years of study to the lifestyle, so you must call me daddy, sir, or master.

Studying, learning, and growing are all amazing things that dominants must do but the troubling part here is this gentleman claims to be nineteen and thus his introduction to D/S happened at age nine. Maybe his time playing on the playground in elementary school counted as part of their study?

You will call me sir/master because I said so.

Time to consult with VAR, no wait, there is no need because there was not an error when this person earned their red card. Maybe this person is confused and thinks master is short for masturbation. Wait that is probably wrong, there is no schlong spanking here because perhaps they have a master’s degree in BDSM? There must be some amazing schools out there that offer master’s degrees in all things kinktastic because so many people claim to have them but why is it all these folks never take it a step further for their doctorate in kinkology? Perhaps we should set up The Insitute for Advanced Kink, in a Caribbean country where the laws are a bit lax about education, the beaches are warm, the drinks are cold, the online college provides masterful wealth and the university’s motto will be Quia Ita Dicitur I, Latin for “because I said so”.

One of the easiest ways to spot an undereducated d-type or a dumbinant trying to prey on others is by how they introduce themselves. So if someone approaches you with a call me by a title, flash them T.I.T. then hit the block button and move on because titles must be earned never expected or demanded.

How do you respond when a stranger in the lifestyle informs you they are expected to be called by title?

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2023

#daily thought

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

A Big Bang, Mr. Spock, A Vintage Toy, And The Newer Submissive...

After an insanely long day being a good worker bee, I was doing more work at home with the TV on as background noise. There was a Big Bang Theory marathon on and it was serving a great purpose of entertaining me during breaks in my work. Then suddenly found myself caught up in an episode where Penny purchased for Leonard and Sheldon new and mint in box Star Trek toys from the 1970s. To make a long story short, Sheldon gives in to his id, breaks open the box, and plays with his toy. This adventure turns tragic and humorous when the toy breaks and he goes to great lengths to hide this while attempting to exchange his broken toy with Leonard’s still mint inbox. Sheldon’s antics as well as the process he follows to admit what he has done provided a welcome break from my work crap-o-la. This pause in my work did spark a thought about kink and hopefully, over the next bit, you can see how Penny, Leonard, Sheldon, Mr. Spock, and a 1970’s Star Trek transporter toy made my brain think about what it is like to be newer to the lifestyle and submissive.

Sheldon’s broken transporter toy caused me to think back to my childhood and I think we all knew a kid who was always breaking their toys, on purpose and this child’s parents would simply buy them a new one to replace the broken toy. No matter how many times or the expense this spoiled youngster would just be given a new toy as a replacement. Sadly, some of these compulsive toy breakers did grow up and find their way into the world of D/S. However, now that they are all grown up the toys they are breaking are not G.I. Joes or smashing Ken and his car through Barbie’s dream house. They are preying upon and attempting to shatter something much worse, the new submissive.

I want to chat about how someone new to the lifestyle can potentially discover these toy breakers before learning this life lesson through experience. First, know these people are not dominants but are predators who are out looking to prey upon those who are new. If you have almost been or have been victimized by one of these creep-its do not blame yourself because they are very good at what they do.

I want to start by talking about an experience most people who are new have and they are hopping around Tumblr, FetLife, or the kink-friendly site of their choice on a dark, starry night and they stumble upon someone who has created an image that they are an expert. Now on many sites that are kinky-based or friendly, many people are amazing leaders within the community and they exist side by side with the faux expert and their evil spawn, the predator hunting new people. I can imagine that it can feel very challenging to try to figure out which is the wheat or the chaff, so I have some suggestions that my help identify those with bad intentions:

They will often be dismissive of others in the community. The thoughts and opinions of anyone who dissents from their views are dismissed and disparaged.

These people may use phrases like sub trainer or even scarier sub breaker. Remember, even though a person may be a new submissive, they are still unique and their likes/desires do not need to be trained and certainly not broken.

They will not want someone to seek opinions or ideas from others, especially if those thoughts vary from their own.

If they post writings and not just hardcore porn, their writings/thoughts may feature soft, sensual D/S images where the pictures are powerful, inviting while designed to mask what is hidden in the words. While not all who use words and images together are bad but it is imperative to focus on strictly the words by removing the visual from your mind.

Look for contradictions. For example, if a d-type says they are a feminist or they support women’s rights but when you carefully read their words phrases “like all women naturally desire a dominant partner” or “women were designed to serve their leader” appear.

Blog posts and their expressions will often contain references to taking, seizing, overpowering, or any other word/phrase that denotes submission is something that can be taken, captured, demanded, or simply expected. Submission can only be freely given by the submissive and I believe a dominant will never ask for or in any way attempt to coax it from an s-type.

Anything that implies a submissive is weak or not as powerful as a dominant. Submissives are not weak or in any way shape or form less than a d-type.

Do not fall for the old line that a real submissive will or will not do/act a certain way poppycock. It is up to you to decide what is real or not. Just because you want/enjoy something that someone else dislikes, does not diminish or take away from who you are or make you less submissive. If you see or hear this line of crap-o-la, know what it truly is, an attempt to bully you or someone else into doing as the dumbinant wants.

Relationships, kinky or vanilla, are still partnerships. People who are dismissive of this should be looked at with a wary eye.

Beware of fake news in writings and blog posts. Some of the more creative predators will appear to reference scholarly work to support their beliefs. Even though you see references to legitimate scholars, for example, Dr. So and So says, there never is any documentation. Writing a kinky blog post does not sound like a place for documentation, but if you are going to using other’s work to support a thesis or use a quote, documenting the source (right down to the page number) is imperative because it is the right thing to do (which speaks to the person’s honesty) but also so the reader can verify that the quote or information is not taken out of context or fabricated. Remember, “All quotes on the internet are true” - Abraham Lincoln.

Be wary of those who use dominance to hide their insecurities. No matter how accomplished an individual is, everyone has insecurities. Some claim dominance but will also deny having even a single insecurity.  Should you encounter this, channel your inner Robot, “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!” Robot, Lost In Space.

Never accept or allow someone to tell, imply or suggest that you should distance yourself from family and/or friends. Those that prey often look to break a submissive from their support system.

Build friendships with other dominants and submissives so you can seek advice from them. Even if they are casual, they can be a sounding board and second opinion.

Being dominant is not an excuse to not be respectful to others. Those who express that a dominant cannot be courteous or are so cocky that their behavior is asshatted, need to be stepped away from.

The only person who knows what you want and is YOU. Do not allow others to suggest they know better than you what your thoughts and desires are.

If you feel that you are being manipulated or if a dominant is making you question your sanity, RUN! Always trust yourself and your feelings.

We all have heard the expression that life is short, but also remember there is no reason to rush into things. Take your time, learn about yourself and what you want. You do not need to jump into any relationship or be pressured to do so. It may take you years before you feel comfortable in the lifestyle. There is no hurry. Life is a journey, enjoy it.

Always be careful with the information you share with someone online as predatory individuals can use this against you. Think of it as having your “rights” read to you. Anything you do, say, or share can be used against you, so always be conscious of what you are sharing.

Building trust is a great thing but when you are vetting someone, always verify.

If the conversation is led or focused on kinky play, sex, or both, this is a red flag that this is all the individual is seeking.

Always inquire about safe words and run faster than Forrest Gump from anyone who says they refuse to use/dislikes them. Being submissive does not in any way remove your right to say no for any reason and at any time.

There is no one true way to get your kink on and what works for you is amazing. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Lastly, dating in the world of kink is a very complex process. Your vanilla friends may complain about the complexities they face but do not forget that kink relationships have to work as vanilla relationships while blending in D/S. Do not fall into the trap of trying to just match fetishes because the perfectly imperfect partner will fit both your traditional, vanilla relationship needs as well as your lifestyle needs.

Thank you for taking the time to read this as I know it is a bit on the long side and many people online seem to have the attention span of a nat, so I appreciate the investment of your time. I also hope that some of my thoughts will help keep a newer to the lifestyle person from having a bad experience while giving lifestyle veterans a pleasant reminder on safely getting to know others.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

A Display Of Twue Dumbinance

I am going to start with this, I know I spelled true wrong in the title. Calm your britches trolls because “twue” is lifestyle slang for balderdash. Now that is out of the way, I want to talk about this guide to finding a true/real dominant that I bumbled upon the other day. This little ditty has zoomed around Tumblr and I am sure many of you reading this have read it and maybe even liked/reblogged it because on the surface some of it sounds great. As I read through it, I found myself cringing, facepalming, and the more I read of this supposed guide to finding “twue” dominance I knew I would be talking about this here on my blog.

As I read through this list the very first time, I was convinced that I wanted to do something I very rarely do and address the hogwash point by point by linking back to the original post and blog. However, when I reached the end of the drivel came a surprising statement that this post was not this “master’s” but he liked it, copied, and pasted it to his blog without ever crediting the person who originally concocted this nonsense. I did discover some great news upon reading Master Cox’s (name changed to protect the guilty) about me section for the ladies of Tumblr, please feel free to submit a nude and/or boobie selfie because he will be happy to post and comment about your body and boobs. It does come with the disclaimer that you may not like what he has to say about your body. This is pure Tumblr gold! Send him a picture, he will body shame those he wishes and as a bonus, he saves all photo submissions for his personal use. Ding, Ding, Ding, ladies we have a twue wiener! So as much as I want to quote this craptastic masterpiece of malarkey, I will paraphrase since crediting the original dumbinant is sadly not an option.

Submissives, did you know that a twue dominant will never approach you demanding your submission, naked pictures, and/or gangbangs? I know, this is a huge news flash and we better call the news networks to get this unfair and unbalanced revelation out to the masses (This is such big news for the masses that I bet we could get the Pope to talk about it at mass!). In all seriousness, a respectable d-type will not contact a submissive with incredulous demands, and a dominant worth their salt will be respectful in all communications. This is cynical but if you believe that this lifestyle works by dumbinants making crass demands and then following them, please change your self-identifier from submissive to stupidmissive. Sorry, this is not news but is simply common sense.

Hey submissive ladies, did you know that a twue dominant man can get laid anytime he wants? Oh, you betcha (said in my best Fargo accent). The reason for a twue d-type’s ability to bow-chicka-wow-wow three hundred and sixty-five days a year with an equal amount of different women is because all women just cannot resist dominance. All a d-type has to do is approach a lady in the produce section, show her his kumquats, and they will be shagging in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot five minutes later. Okay back to reality, this goes to the crap-o-la that dumbinance preaches about all women naturally desiring a dominant man. If you are submissive, single, attracted to humans with penises, then you may want a dominant man as a partner but sorry Master Malarkey, not all women want a dominant man. There are women to want a submissive man because they are dominant and there are other women who are vanilla and do not want a dominant or take-charge guy (in vanilla terms). Now, this one blows the minds of the twue dumbinant, but not all women want, need, or are attracted to people with penises. As shocking as this news is, the twue dumbinant never grasps that all women do not want him, and there are women who are not attracted to humans that have baloney ponies and are involved in the lifestyle. Being dominant does not suddenly make someone so sexy that all the ladies of the world swoon when he passes near.

It is time to get into a bit of shady business and it is whatI call the Christian Grey effect since this has become fake news fodder since Fifty Shades of Hay descended upon the lifestyle. This twue dumbinance theory goes like this, all real dominant men are successful, wealthy, white-collar professionals and all a submissive needs to do is check the brand of cars driven, logos on clothes, and bank account balances to find out if a d-type is the real deal. So college students, construction workers, mechanics, HVAC techs, those who work in the trades, or an enlisted person in the military are all excluded from being d-types. This twue myth links career to the lifestyle and is simply rubbish because how anyone earns their living has nothing to do with the lifestyle or their role within it.

I would like to dedicate this tale to the submissive ladies out there. Okay, ladies, the reason why you have never had a successful relationship in the vanilla world is that men who are not dominant are scared of sex. Yes, ladies, it is twue, Vinny Vanilla is just soooo scared of sex that when you asked to be spanked, he ran home and cried to his momma. This tale tells that all vanilla men are scared of sex, sexuality and thus this lifestyle leaves them cowering in fear. The simple truth here is that if a person needs, wants, and desires to have this lifestyle be part of their relationship then engaging in a relationship with someone who is a vanilla bean is going to leave some things unfulfilled no matter if you are a dominant, submissive, switch, or any other lifestyle role.Once again, it is time to cause Master Malarkey’s mind to blow, vanillas can have sex, even kinky as heck swinging from the chandeliers sex, enjoy the living hell out of it, and some vanilla folks are even more sexually adventurous that lifestyle people. Sex is just sex and sex does not make a relationship nor does it mean that someone who is vanilla is scared of it.

Guess what readers, our guide to twue dominance is still hung up on sex, and get ready for some more sexciting news. Ladies, the good news is here! Your domly dream man is already god’s sexual gift because twue dumbinants are great in the sack, skilled in the art of making women orgasm, and will never engage in vanilla sex. I bet all the single, submissive women seeking d-type men and reading this are super excited to learn that he dominant of their dreams will never make love because whenever the bedroom boom-boom happens it will be of the kinky fuckery variety. A twue d-type must have had many sexual partners (seriously this part of the malarkey manifesto), so if you are a young man or a more life experienced man without a plethora of sexual partners, you better get out there, fornicate with as many willing women as you can find because until you have, you ineligible to be dominant. Did anyone else besides me facepalm here? Being male and dominant does not mean the guy has had many sexual partners nor does the role of dominant transform anyone into a sexual dynamo.

The menu of twue d-types is now moving a bit away from sex and into the realm of kinkicious play. The chef who created this dumbinant menu requires the man who wishes to attain twue dumbinance statues to acquire, have, and own accouterment of the lifestyle. If a dominant fails to have whips, chains, floggers, and the toy de jour then sorry Sir Charlie, a dominant you are not. I hope there is a collective of heads shaking because toys do not make a person, let alone a dominant. Maybe this ties back into the part of the myth about being Richie Rich and by having thousands of dollars in toys it is another symbol of wealth, success, and therefore dumbinance?

Whew, we are finally away from sex and toys (at least for now) but we do need to pause for a moment. Readers, please take this brief pause, to put your boots on because we are about to step into a few large piles of poops. Seriously, it is about to get worse…

Submissives, a twue dumbinant will select you. It does sound sort of nice and maybe a bit romantic to be selected by a dominant but there is a huge BUT here. Just like any relationship, a lifestyle relationship requires two people, or more if you are poly, to say I like you and want to be with you. Now it is time for that big but (Am I the only one here singing Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back now?). One of the most basic things in this lifestyle is that the submissive must offer their submission to the dominant of their choice. A dominant does not select, choose, or demand submission but it must be freely given by the submissive partner. So it may sound romantic to be selected by a d-type but this is rubbish. In my opinion, this is nothing more than a ploy to make it sound okay for a dumbinant to demand submission from a submissive.    

Everyone knows that humans are mistake-prone creatures and this mythology plays upon this. Remember a few points back when a twue d-type needed to be fabulously fornicating with many partners? Well, it is expected that one who follows this how-to guide would come from a background of many failed lifestyle relationships because the twue dumbinant will make mistakes along the way to the submissive they select. The thing here is that failed relationships might be labeled as mistakes sometimes but they are always life lessons. A broken relationship from the past is not something to chuck in the fuck-it-bucket and move forward. It is a lesson to learn as you move forward in life. What this myth is doing, I believe, is making people disposable as the twue d-type must fuck many, gain experience, before they “seize” the submission of who they select. This bit is just a way to justify the sordid past of a fuck boy. No more, no less.

So the break from sexy stuff did not last too long and this should give everyone a great laugh. The twue dumbinant will never, ever, never ask a submissive for nude or naughty pictures because d-types will “never beg” for anything. The twue man is soooooooo irresistible that a submissive who has conversations with him will just not be able to control themselves and will be “dying” to send him naked photos. Anyone else laughing out loud with me? So guys, if your inbox is not crammed with pictures of naughty bits every morning, the twue dumbinants are coming to take your dominant id card.

Remember when I warned about the poop level getting deep, well, here are the last two bits of the hit parade and it is going to get deep. I hope that everyone reading these words would agree with me that trust and honesty are hallmarks of a solid relationship and are even more important in a lifestyle relationship. So without further ado, it is time to get to the twue truth and it might hurt.

It is fairly common online to encounter a blog post from a submissive who discovered their dominant is actually in a relationship with someone else and they are simply the submissive side piece. Not to worry though because the twue dumbinant will never lie about being in a relationship because he will come right out and state he needs you to be his subbie side action, on the down-low. We should all applaud Mr. Twue for being honest with Subbie Susie, right? I am sorry but that is just crap. This lifestyle is all about being trustworthy and honest. So that is great that Twue has told Susie she is number two in his life, he still is being dishonest with number one in life (his wife) and is trying to build as well as lead a relationship that has a lie at its foundation. It is not going to work and Susie, you may think you are number two behind the wife, but depending on Mr. Twue’s day, you are number five or six.  

So, here is the last bit of twue d-type poppycock from this guide. It once again circles back to honesty. It has been established that it is acceptable for a twue dumbinant to be honest about being dishonest. Not only is that okay, but it is expected for the d-type to lie about somethings (Serious, a twue dumbinant will lie and it is supposedly okay). To paraphrase the twue example given (sorry this may gross a few of you out) but it is okay for a twuebie to say they agree with a submissive’s hard limit of no water sports but believe that swallowing a golden shower is right up that s-types alley (thus they are going to do it anyway). Relationships require honesty. It is that simple. Even hard questions such as does this make me look fat or aren’t you excited my mom is coming to stay with us for a month, can be answered with tact and honesty. There should never be a reason to disrespect a submissive by saying that you agree with a hard limit while plotting to make her swallow pee. It is simple, just be honest and say that you will respect the limit but also express if that is your thing, that it is a thing for you. Maybe someday the submissive will want to do to for you if you find yourself in a relationship with them. Be honest because if you are not your relationship will fail.

Okay, this concludes the busting of this twue dumbinant discovery guide. I know that it can sound amazing, especially if you are new, to have certain things to look for and/or lookout for. If you are new to the lifestyle, get to know people, ask questions, and learn from their experiences rather than read a blog post and think “oh that sounds good, I will go with this as a guide”. This guide about twue dumbinance has parts that sound great but when you dig closer, it is nothing but a document that excuses the behavior of fuck boys masquerading around the lifestyle as d-types. The thing about this lifestyle is that things may look amazing at first glance but you must always read between the lines as well as every bit of the fine print.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

My Disclaimer

The content of this blog is published in the United States of America and persons who access it agree to do so in accordance with applicable laws. If you are under 18 or 21 as determined by applicable laws, GO AWAY! Don’t go away mad but just go away!

All opinions expressed by TheLightKeeper (Hereafter known as TLK) on this page are solely TLK’s opinions and do not reflect the opinions of Beavis nor Butthead, Major League Baseball, National Football League or that weird dude who lives in dank basements known as Master Sponge Bob, and may have been previously disseminated by TLK on television (otherwise known as local cable public access), internet or through a spiritual medium. You should not treat any opinion expressed by TLK as a specific endorsement of a particular practice, belief or strategy, but only as an expression of his opinion. TLK’s opinions are based upon information considered reliable, but neither TLK nor his minions warrant its completeness or accuracy, and it should not be relied upon as such. TLK and/or his minions do not have any obligation to update or correct any information provided on this page. TLK’s statements and opinions are subject to change without notice. No part of TLK’s massive compensation, of zero dollars and zero cents, from this amazing slice of Tumblr is related to the specific opinions expressed here.

Past performance is not indicative of future results. Neither TLK nor his minions guarantee any specific outcome or successful BDSM relationship. You should be aware of the real risk of loss in following any strategy discussed here. Strategies or opinions discussed may fluctuate in value. Stupidmissives may get back less than invested and dumbinants shall lose their entire investment. Opinions or strategies mentioned on this page may not be suitable for you. This material does not take into account your particular kink objectives, relationship situation or needs and is not intended as recommendations appropriate for you (Unless you were born on Mars and your submissive is from Venus but does not use a Venus razor to shave their private parts nicknamed Pluto). You must make an independent decision regarding anything mentioned here. Before acting on information on this page, you should consider whether it is suitable for your particular circumstances and strongly consider seeking advice from your own kinky psychic adviser.

In other words, there is no one true way to get your kink on. What works for me may or may not work for you and while it would be really cool to have minions, I do not. Stay kinky my friends!

©TLK2020

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

Ground Rules

I know that the internet is like the ‘wild, wild west’ where there is freedom of action and the ability to shield one’s identity allows for people to act like imbeciles but I swear with the proliferation of twattwaffles, it is time for some ground rules.

If you do not have anything nice to say to someone, simply do not say a gosh darn thing.

Should you decide to say something to a person that you may be a bit miffed at or outright angry at, rather than trying to kill them with your words, use your words to kill them with kindness while you kindly make your point.

Keeping on this theme of decency, in my opinion, it is better to simply hit the block button than engage with Tumblr Twattwaffles. These dolts are looking for a war of words, they have their caps lock on, and they are hoping you will take the bait. Just block them and move on because it is not worth it.

Realize that people have lives. OMG, are you telling me that people do things outside of spending every waking minute hoping that Tumblr will send them a notification they have a message? Yes, I am, and also, do not be butthurt when someone does not respond.

Speaking of messages, if a person sends a message to you, it does not mean that they like you, want you, or any of that hooey. Chances are they simply want to chat or ask you a question about something you posted. Stop thinking that a Tumblr message is your love connection.

Under the big umbrella of kinks, some people are exhibitionists, who enjoy sharing photos of themselves, often in various stages of undress, and as long as the Tumblr censors do not catch them they may be nude or doing naughty things. Here is the thing, someone who is an exhibitionist enjoys ‘showing off’ but that does not mean that they want to have anything to do with you and certainly not have sex with you.

Pet names are a hard no unless you are given an enthusiastic yes when asking for consent.

Speaking of pet names, why is it so hard for guys to understand that while a woman may say proudly that they are a ‘slut’ or ‘slutty’ that this does not mean the lady is not a slut for some random dude on Tumblr.

Since I am on a slutty spell in this writing, many submissives will say things like “I am a slut for my dominant” and express that with/for their d-type kinky coitus is a yes, please. Pardon me for a minute as I have put on a red sweater and channel my Jake from State Farm voice, “Here’s the real deal” dumbass dumbinant, you are Not their d-type. No, Nope, and NO again. So stop acting like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber “So you are saying there is a chance?” Sorry, Lloyd, you do not have a chance in H, E, double hockey sticks.

Hey Harry, since I just picked on your BFF Lloyd, I am going to poke at you now. When a person you are playing with uses their safe word/gesture/signal that means stop right this second even if you are within millimeters of a climax. If anyone cannot honor safewords, there is a place for them to learn this the hard way and it is called prison because there is no safeword when you drop the soap.

Everything in this lifestyle revolves around consent with fries. No Mayor McCheese, this does not mean that a freak in clown suit, named Ronald, must approve all offers of consent. Fries is just a great and simple way to understand consent because it must be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.

This goes with consent and I am still shocked how many Dudley Dumbinants fail to grasp this but a submissive has the right to say no at any time and for any reason. I bet everyone reading this is shocked and just fell right off their chairs with that bit of craziness. Seriously, this is simple, and to quote Brad Hamiliton “Learn it, Live it, Know it”.

There is no way to “convert” a vanilla person into a submissive or dominant. I am sorry but that is just not happening. A few vanilla beans when the lifestyle is presented indeed find a home, a couple more come for the kinky sex passing on the rest, but the vast majority are simply not going to get, understand, or even try to grasp what the draw is for you. So please stop trying to figure out how to convert a vanilla.

Linked to the converting of vanillas are the pleathorea of d-types here on Tumblr who have a vanilla partner at home but they want some kinky bow-chicka-wow-wow. Here is the harsh truth, dominants should be leaders and part of being a leader is being honest. Sound the gameshow wrong answer buzzer. It is simple if a supposed ‘d-type’ cannot be honest with their partner at home, why would a submissive believe dishonest d-type is being forthright with them.

I am not sure if that sounded baseball umpire like enough that I can end by saying play ball but even if I did not sound sports referee enough, it is seriously time that people behave better. I also understand the above will not change a gosh darn thing but gosh darn it, I feel better after getting it out.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2020

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

Making Chores That Bore, So Much More

**WARNING** THIS IS SOOOOOO BIG! This blog post you pervert. So if you have the attention span of a Tumblr dumbinant or are just here for the pixilated porn, keep scrolling. No boobs, butts, penises, or vajayjays to see here.

We all know that life is busy and there is always something happening from work, family, friends, and all the commitments that fill our lives. Not only does everyone have those types of tasks to navigate but there are d-types, like myself, who enjoy incorporating chores/tasks into what we ask our submissive partners to do. One of the main things that I feel a dominant must do/understand is to know what is going on in their submissive’s life. I know it might seem like a no-brainer that a d-type needs to know what is happening in their partner’s life but remember we live in a world of smartphones and dumb people. I have been thinking about how, in my past, I have appropriately used chores/tasks while keeping in mind all the real world things my partner had going in their life.

First I want to start with a few “because this is Tumblr” housekeeping items. First, Daddy Dillweed, a submissive is a strong, capable person and they do NOT need a d-type in their life. Just like any successful partnership both d and s types work to make each other better but both are amazing as they are today. Next, this writing is about doing tasks/chores that are appropriate, so do not think a task/chore is having a submissive wear a micro skirt, an I heart gangbangs t-shirt, and a remote control vibrating toy that wannabe wolf-boy controls during her Meemaw’s eightieth birthday bash.

Okay, now that all that ‘fun’ is out of the way, it is time to get down to the good stuff. I want to start by sharing that I believe a task or chore is designed to bring the lifestyle as well as their relationship to the mind of the submissive and make the life of the submissive better. A couple of examples of what could be daily tasks are making the bed each morning, tidying the house for ten minutes at the beginning/end of the day, or preparing a healthier lunch for the next day at work. A chore, for me, is assigning ‘bigger’ tasks, that once again will help the submissive, such as since you are on vacation this week with no actual vacation plans (I guess this is would technically be a ‘staycation’), deep clean one room in the house each day so it will be in great shape for Meemaw’s birthday party (that the submissive will be dressed appropriately for, sorry wannabe wolf-boy).

Since the tasks that are given are all designed to create mindfulness and make the submissive’s life better there is never an overload of them. I have never ‘assigned’ more than three in a day because it is not about micromanaging or even worse making my partner feel overwhelmed. Micromanagement or creating an overwhelmed feeling will just start resentment to build and having that simmering on a relationship back burner is never healthy for future growth. What is important to me is the building of successful habits that will make my submissive’s life easier and help them achieve their dreams.

It is a wonderful bonus that my submissive will have ‘dedicated’ time two to three times a day to think about us, the dynamic, and all that goodness but the secret sauce for me truly is, they are building a habit that will create success for them. I am going to pick something that I would say ninety percent or more of the people reading this (myself included) are all working on or wishing we did a better job of working on and that is to be healthier. So by creating the daily task that my submissive meal preps for the next day and makes/takes their lunch to work not only am I creating an exercise in mindfulness but also creating a healthy habit. As a dominant, my overarching goal is to help my submissive be all they can be so their dreams come to life.

I feel that tasks are designed to build good habits and research shows that on average it takes sixty-six days to create a new habit. Once again that is the average and every one is unique so by continuously learning, observing, and truly knowing my submissive partner, once I have created that healthy habit, I can stop ‘assigning’ the daily task of lunch making/meal prepping because it is now a routine and start building a new success into their life. Now that does not mean I do not check to make sure the ‘old’ healthy habit is still in place but life is always building and looking forward to what is next.

One of the things about life is that it is always moving and often very fast. So even something like the meal task above will be impacted by life simply happening. As I am sitting here typing this, I sort of feel like I am sharing some of my personal secret sauce that I know can help others so I guess this little secret is now officially a secret since Bono says “a secret is something you tell another person”. I am a compulsive calendar keeper and have been since I was in college and have moved from Daytimer to Google. I keep all the ‘usual’ things in my calendar from work items, appointments, and events but, in past relationships, I also kept track of what my submissive has happening in their life too. I do not keep track of their life because they are unable to or they do not have their life under control because they do and are amazing at it. I do this for me because by knowing what they have happening in their life, I can lead better. I also kept a joint calendar that included all the things we both had happening including the daily tasks. Additionally, I made sure that at least every Sunday I had a conversation with my submissive about what they have in the week ahead plus whenever they share something, such as, I made an appointment for the dentist next Wednesday at noon, I immediately add it to the calendar (smartphones rock for stuff like this).

What this means, in reality, is when I prepare tasks for my submissive’s upcoming week, I know that Tuesday evening I do not need to create a lunch-making task but change it to “smile, the dentist is at noon tomorrow, so pack some healthy snacks for the afternoon since you will be getting ‘drilled’ during your lunch”. While sharing the friendly reminder, do not forget about the dentist Wednesday is great, knowing to remove the task of prepare your lunch shows not only that you care but you taking the appropriate steps to become intertwined in their daily life. It is essential to know what is happening in your submissive’s life and adjust their tasks to fit seamlessly into their daily grind without ever making the submissive feel overwhelmed.

When I talk about a chore, normally these are bigger things than a daily task and while they may be repeated, they are not things that often happen with the rapidity of tasks. Above I mentioned the example of the chore of spring cleaning happening as part of the prep for Meemaw’s birthday celebration. I do not believe a dominant should just randomly assign a chore such as this unless it is something that will ‘fit’ the submissive’s life. Since D/S relationships are intimate, the dominant should know that his s-type wants to clean but has struggled with making the time. So by using the time off work, coupled with the party prep, it combines into the perfect storm to assign this chore. I also believe that lifestyle relationships are partnerships, if you are in a local or semi-local relationship, this is a perfect time to step up and show your investment in the partnership by completing/helping with parts of the party preparations. Maybe your mission to hunt down the balloons, table settings, and take the grocery list and do the shopping. No matter how you can help your partner with something like this, it is important to roll up your sleeves, work together, and jointly create an amazing event for Meemaw.

Being in tune with and having a partnership is incredibly important with tasks and chores. Being in tune with your submissive means you have an understanding of what they have on their plate each day from dentist appointments, soccer games, work events, and social extravaganzas. Not only will an effective dominant need to grasp what is happening in their submissive’s life, but they also need to keep in mind how their partner is feeling mentally and physically. We all have days and it imperative that a dominant pay attention to this so they can lighten the load on days when it is needed, changing tasks to keep their partner from being overwhelmed or feeling that the task is just more than they can handle. It is part of keeping up on your relationship yoga so you can be flexible enough to lead your submissive partner in the real world rather than just the kinky kandy land of Tumblr. Not only does leadership require limberness it also requires partnership which means the d-type must roll up their sleeves and work alongside their partner to achieve success. Lastly, a dominant must never feel or act as though a task or chore is below themselves. If you expect your submissive to make their bed, meal play/prep, or clean, then as their leader you need to make sure you are doing the same. If you are blessed enough to be living under the same roof, make sure that you are partnering with them by doing whatever is needed so they have the time and calmness to complete those things you ask of them. Make sure to always have a plan, partner, and provide flexible leadership.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

Alpha, A Red Flag (Part One)

I am going to say things that are going to be unpopular and I understand that my view is not shared by many so a word of warning, if you are easily offended or cannot handle a viewpoint different that is uniquely my own, just do both of us a favor and scroll through leaving this post unread. Now that I have shared my words of warning, I want to talk about why, for me, the use of alpha submissive, with one exception, is a red flag.

So I want to start with how I define submissive. There is a ton of different views on this which is great but here is my definition of submissive. I believe a submissive is strong, capable, hard-working, dedicated, has their proverbial poop in a group (or as best as anyone can), they do not need a partner/dominant to handle or make choices for them in life and are often the go-to person among their friends and/or co-workers. A submissive chooses to pick a dominant partner to get to know, date, build a relationship with, and should they decide to offer their submission it is done because the d-type has earned this precious gift. The gift of submission is always freely given by the submissive. Not only that but a submissive is an equal in their relationship, they are never ‘less than’ because they have decided to follow the leadership of their chosen dominant. This is why I write D/S with both letters capitalized because neither partner is above or below the other, they always equal. A D/S relationship is a union of equals and every submissive, I believe, has the right and as well as the expectation of speaking up when there is an issue, disagreeing with their d-type, and most importantly every s-type can say no at any time, for any reason plus every submissive can revoke their submission once again at any time and for any reason. This is also true with terminating a relationship, a s-type does not need the ‘permission’ of their dominant to end things, the submissive, just like any person has the ability and right to say “peace, I am out of here” whenever, however, and for whatever reason(s) they desire. Lastly, submissive is not in any way gender-specific. Any individual can be any lifestyle role they wish and things like gender or sexual orientation have zero to do with roles in the D/S lifestyle. Yes Tumblr Twattwaffle, any individual can choose daddy dominant as their title and/or role if they wish. This means, sorry master Ward, a female could decide they choose and identify as a daddy and it is time to grow up and accept that the 1950s are long gone.

Now that I have tried my best to share the framework of what the role of submissive means to me, I want to share why I have issues with the alpha submissive terminology.

As I looked around at how others have defined the title of alpha submissive, every single definition has had this as part of it, the words “her or she” when referencing the submissive and always “he/him” used in regards to dominants. I am sure there are exceptions somewhere but I looked high and low for any individual who identified as an alpha submissive or defined it where it was not specific to cis females and ‘traditional’ gender roles but could not find one. The only exceptions to this are those who use alpha submissive in a much different way and this I will get to near the end, so please be patient.

Every writing and/or definition of alpha submissive contains references to ‘alpha s-types’ being strong, assertive rather than meek, competent decision-makers, and they choose to pick a dominant as a partner. For me, this is just a submissive, not an ‘alpha’. So if we take these definitions a step further it means that a “traditional” s-type is weak, indecisive, unable to handle life without being directed or have choices made for them by others. For me, many who have these traits of indecision, needing direction, and believing they are unable to make sound decisions are not those of a submissive person but of an individual who is struggling with self-confidence. Life can beat anyone up to the point where their belief in themselves is shattered and it takes work to rebuild this which is true no matter if a person is vanilla, vanilla extract (my fun way of saying kinky but not D/S), or full-on involved in the lifestyle. When it comes to this lifestyle and having damaged self-confidence, it can happen to anyone regardless of role. Even the most masterful of masters can have or have had struggles with believing in themselves and self-confidence is not linked to any lifestyle role although it is most commonly linked, wrongly in my view, to d-types.

Billy Joel has a lyric in the appropriately titled song Honesty that says “Honesty is such a lonely word, Everyone is so untrue, Honesty is hardly ever heard, And mostly what I need from you”. All songs aside, I have to confess to being shocked by how many alpha submissives talk about their need for honest communication as well as honesty being a requirement for and from alpha s-types. I am flabbergasted because what kind of relationship can anyone have with dishonesty as part of it? It does not matter if it is a friendship, vanilla relationship, lifestyle partnership, or even a professional association because dishonest behavior will harm or outright end the connection. When I circle this back to being alpha submissive specific, if only alpha submissives expect/demand forthright communication, then this must mean that ‘traditional’ s-types not only expect to be lied to and to tell lies but that these individuals can and do willingly accept this from dominants. I find this argument in favor of alpha submissives to be malarkey because honesty is key no matter what kind of relationship any person has with another and when D/S is brought into the mix, truthfulness moves from a simple key into a pillar that the partnership must have to grow and thrive as, without it, the lifestyle relationship will all fall apart.

Another myth about the alpha s-type is that only the alpha submissive will fight for and with their dominant when things get rough. If a submissive is not an alpha, when life pelts either their dominant or relationship with lemons, only the alpha will grab a sturdy umbrella while toating a juicer to make lemonade because the typical submissive is unable to respond or cannot do so without being directed by their d-type. I believe this is another falsehood because no matter if it is friendship or a relationship (vanilla or lifestyle) that people support those they love when they need support. This is simply what people do for those they care about and vanilla friendships/relationships as well as in the lifestyle this is what good people simply do. Standing up for and standing by a treasured person is not something limited to only those who choose an alpha submissive descriptor. Am I the only one who believes that any submissive would not stand up to help their d-type when they or their relationship is challenged rather than just the so-called alphas?

Something that I saw in many, but not all, descriptions of this alpha sorority that was deeply troubling was the link between education, career, wealth, and the moniker of alpha. This drives me batty when I see the alfalfa dumbinants try to use these to justify that they are better than the rest. No person’s education makes them superior, a career does not make anyone a champion over others, and financial success is pure hogwash as the measure of anyone. I suppose if anyone reading this believes the balance of their bank account makes them more outstanding than others, then they lack an understanding of life because the things that matter, truly matter in life are not available for purchase. Plus if this was true, even those who have taken the label of alpha s-type, many would have to hand it back in because unless they have a bachelor's degree (but a master’s is preferred) coupled with a corner office and many minions to boss around they are out of the club. Sorry Suzie Submissive, you are a bus driver and thus not eligible and also we must say so long to Sally Subbie because while she is a fantastic Physician's Assistant she should have just done the extra and become a physician.

I promised a while ago and in a galaxy far away, and above, that I would share where I have no problem with the use of alpha submissive. In this context is it not sexist, any gender, as well as sexual orientation, can be identified with it when the D/S lifestyle is part of a poly relationship. In a poly relationship where there are multiple submissives (there can or cannot be multiple d-types involved too) typically one submissive will be the primary submissive or the submissive that will direct the other submissives as they believe the dominant would want or be the conduit for passing instructions from the d-type. This is what has been known as an alpha submissive in the lifestyle for many years and I am perfectly fine and dandy with its use because in these poly relationships everyone has consented to their position, the position of the alpha submissive in the relationship, and gender is not a factor.

Many of those who shared their views on alpha submissives have included the language of what to do when anyone disagrees with the descriptor of alpha s-type. So I want everyone reading this to immediately brand me as “not a real dominant” because anyone who disagrees with this branding is not a true d-type. This is because any man who dares question this label cannot handle a woman, again alpha s-types stick to this gender specificity, who is tough, competent, industrious, devoted, has their life in order, can handle life’s challenges solo, and lead in their career as well as their social circle. What I find unique here is that what the preachers of alpha call alpha submissives, is basically what I call and have called for years a submissive. Sure the verbiage might be a hair off here or there but truly we are on the same page and I believe most individuals identifying as dominants do as well.

So the use of alpha submissive, when not in the context of a poly relationship, is a red flag for me because the criteria for what defines or creates an alpha submissive are things that the vast majority of the time are not based on the lifestyle. Those preaching alpha submission are taking characteristics, attributes, and features from the vanilla world and trying to apply these traits to the lifestyle. In the process of doing this blending, I believe something unintentionally went wrong because alpha submissive feels to me now as though those who identify as such feel that they are above, better than and look snobbishly down at those who do not place them on their made-up pedestal as lowly and unworthy. Additionally, experience has shown me that often those who take the mantle of alpha s-type are typically newer to the lifestyle or lack real-life experience with it. While learning about the lifestyle online and even finding an amazing partner online is all great, there is a difference between living the lifestyle mostly online with perhaps occasional in-person times and waking up each morning next to your s or d type. I know that everyone wants to feel special and even those who deny seeking positive attention, still seek it out since we are all human craving to be loved, made to feel outstanding, and important to someone but this term tells me that most likely the submissive using it is new, her experience is mostly online, and may not fully grasp that while D/S is unique, everyone in the lifestyle still must exist in the vanilla world where those things that divide people as vanillas should not separate us in the lifestyle. Because of all this, the use of alpha submissive is a red flag for me.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

[chattingwiththelightkeeper]

Kinkiana Jones Wants You To Build His Temple Of Doom

The other day I was catching up with a friend of mine and one of the things we shared a laugh about was the “Temple dumbinant”. To condense a long story, she was chatting with a d-type and there seemed to be some real possibilities between them. They did not live far apart and had actually shared a coffee and conversations in person a few times and then one day he blew up her phone with a bunch of selfies (as an FYI, none of the pictures were nakie or starring his baloney pony). She thanked him for the pictures and his reply is where things went off the rails. He demanded that she take the photos, print them off, and by a set time that evening have built a ‘temple’ to him in her living room. Thinking it was a joke, she made a joking reply and in my best Gomer Pyle voice, “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise” because he was 100% serious going so far as to give dimensions as well as the kinds of candles he wanted to be included! Thankfully, she immediately exited stage right. This encounter started my brain thinking about some warning signs of the dreaded “Tumblr dumbinant”. So here is a list I put together of what popped into my mind.  

Demands to be addressed by a title. Titles are amazing things but they ALWAYS need to be earned.

Just like titles, pet names can be amazing but they should only be used with the okay of the person receiving the pet name. It is not okay to refer to someone as “my baby girl”, “my girl” and things such as that without that person's consent.

They will often be dismissive of others in the community. The thoughts and opinions of anyone who dissents from their views are dismissed and disparaged.

You may encounter phrases like “sub trainer” or even scarier “sub breaker”. Remember, you are unique and your likes/desires do not need to be trained and certainly not broken.

They will not want you to seek opinions or ideas from others, especially if those thoughts vary from their own.  

Their writings/thoughts may feature soft, sensual D/S images where the images are very powerful as well as inviting which masks what is hidden in their words (Not all who use words and images are ‘bad’ but it is imperative to focus on strictly the words rather than the visual).

Look for contradictions. For example, if a dominant says they are a feminist or they support woman’s rights but when you carefully read their words phrases “like all women ‘naturally’ desire a dominant partner” or “women are designed to serve their leader” appear.

Blog posts contain references to taking, seizing, overpowering, or any other word/phrase that denotes submission is something that can be taken or captured. Submission can only be freely given!

Anything that implies a submissive is weak or not as powerful as a Dominant. Submissives are not weak!

Do not fall for the old line that a “real” submissive will or will not do/act a certain way poppycock. It is up to you to decide what is real or not. Just because you want/enjoy something that someone else dislikes, it does not diminish or take away from who you are or make you less submissive.

Relationships, kinky or vanilla, are still partnerships. People who are dismissive of this should be looked at with a wary eye.

Beware of ‘fake news’ in writings and blog posts. Some of the more creative predators will appear to reference scholarly work to support their beliefs. Even though you see references to legitimate scholars, for example, Dr. So and So says, there never is any documentation. Writing a kinky blog post does not sound like a for place documentation, but I believe if someone is going to use other’s work to support their thesis or use a quote documenting the source (right down to the page number) is imperative because it is the right thing to do and also it allows the reader the opportunity to verify that the quote or information is not taken out of context or fabricated. Remember, “All quotes on the internet are true” - Abraham Lincoln.

Be wary of those who use dominance to hide their insecurities. No matter how accomplished an individual is, everyone has insecurities. Some claim dominance but will also deny having even one single insecurity. “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!” Robot, Lost In Space.

Never accept or allow someone to tell, imply, or suggest that you should distance yourself from family and/or friends. Those that prey often look to break a submissive from their support system.

Build friendships with other dominants and submissives so you can seek advice from them. Even if they are casual, they can be a sounding board and second opinion.

Being dominant is not an excuse to not be a gentleman and be respectful to others. Those who express that a dominant cannot be a respectful gentleman or that a ‘real’ submissive would not want that are spouting malarkey.    

The only person who knows what you want and is you. Do not allow others to suggest they know better than you what your thoughts and desires are.

If you feel that you are being manipulated or if a d-type is making you question your sanity, RUN! Always trust yourself and your feelings/instincts.

We all have heard the expression that life is short, but also remember there is no reason to rush into things. Take your time, learn about yourself and what you want. You do not need to jump into any relationship or be pressured to do so. It may take you years before you feel comfortable in the lifestyle. There is no hurry. Life is a journey, enjoy it!

Always be careful with the information you share with someone online as predatory individuals can use this against you. Think of it as having your “rights” read to you. Anything you do, say, or share can be used against you, so always be conscious of what you are sharing.

Building trust is a great thing but while this process is ongoing, always verify.  

If the conversation is led or focused on kink, sex, or both, there is a good chance that is what that individual is seeking.

Always inquire about safe words and run faster and farther than  Forrest Gump from anyone who says they refuse to use/dislike them. Being submissive does not in any way remove your right to say no.      

There is no one true way to get your kink on and what works for you is amazing. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Lastly, dating in the world of kink is a very complex process. Your vanilla friends may complain about the complexities there but do not forget kink relationships have to work as vanilla relationships while blending in kink. Do not fall into the trap of matching kinks but find the partner that fits both your traditional relationship needs as well as your kinks.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2020