#ultimately... its not my problem

[semercury]

Also like. The insane thing is like. If what I'm afraid of happening did happen, like... Sounds like a personal problem? Skill issue?? Literally not my fault? I stay so far in my own lane that actually that's a problem in and of itself. I am vibing by myself and if people get upset to whatever degree (if!!! IF!!!!!!!!) that is not on me I am my own person doing my own things.

#stuff sarah says #this will not stop the agony tho #also the only people ive ever said my worse fear about this thing to are my therapist and recentlu my best friend #bc its crazy person shit. it really is #but also... it isnt that far of a stretch from things ive experienced #bc ive had people get upset with me and say its my fault they feel bad bc i was happy abt smth or smth good happened to me #its not outlandish of my brain to make up worst case scenarios based around other fears #but like #ultimately... its not my problem #i am not directly harming others by doing things that make me happy. and if people interpret that as indirect harm... thats on them #and i need to keep remembering too that like. joy is infectious. maybe itll actually do good #again tho. im not gonna stop agonizing over it #but maybe i should just bite the bullet and push through the fear #camp nano is coming up. i could work more on my cringe fic or start new cringe fics

[bixels]

Now that Ghibli's new movie is coming out soon, I've been thinking about anime films and wanna talk about my favorite animated movie ever, Tokyo Godfathers.

TG is a 2003 tragicomedy by Satoshi Kon, following three unhoused people––an alcoholic, a runaway girl, an a trans woman––who find a baby in a dumpster and set off across Tokyo to reunite her with her parents.

If you like the sound of that, go watch it because the rest of this post is spoilers and I have FEELINGS about this movie.

URGHH, the fact that only two moments of true kindness, generosity, and care given to the three protagonists without any expectation of reciprocity are given by a Latin-American immigrant couple and a drag show club full of trans women. The fact that, despite her loud and dramatic personality, Hana is the glue that holds the team together and the heart of the whole movie. The fact that this movie pulls no punches at showing the violence and inhumanity committed by "civilized Japanese society" against the unhoused. The fact that Miyuki craves to be loved by her parents and ends up seeing Hana as her true mother. The fact that Miyuki starts off accidentally using transphobic language against Hana, but slowly begins calling her "Miss Hana" out of respect. The fact that, according to Kon, Hana's role in the story is as a mythological trickster god and "disturb the morality and order of society, but also play a role in revitalizing culture." The fact that Hana so desperately wants to be part of a true family, yet is willing to sacrifice her found family so they can be with their own, and is rewarded for her good deeds in the end by becoming a godmother. The fact that, throughout the movie, wind and light have been used to signify the presence of god's hand/influence (this movie's about nondenominational faith––faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in a higher power. Lots of religious are referenced, such as Buddhism/Hinduism, Christianity, and Shintoism), and in the climax of the film, as Hana jumps off a building to save a baby that isn't hers, a gust of wind and a shower of light save her from death. The fact that god saves a trans woman's life because she proved herself a mother, and that shit makes me CRY.

#ramblings #long post #not art #personal #it's the ultimate found family movie #not without its problems. i really dont like its depiction of mental health #for a movie that does an otherwise great job spotlighting the unhoused crisis in japan and its society's oppressive distain towards women #and queer people. it really drops the ball on depicting one of the biggest contributors to the crisis #but otherwise this movie is so fucking full of love and kindness and second chances and how fucking good queer folks and poc are #it blows my mind that this film came out in 2003 and the main protagonist is a trans woman who's just the fucking best #the recent gkids dub is REALLY good by the way! they got shakina nayfack; a trans va; to voice Hana! #the dub made great strides to undo a lot of the original misgendering and mistranslations #also its a christmas movie #also the ost was done by the band that did earthbound's ost

[ganondoodle]

im kinda glad i was a tiny child when windwaker came out and i only played it years later without having internet access for the longest time bc i would have NOT survived the hatred i know ww got when it first came out bc it wasnt what most people expected (ww is my fav zelda)

loving botw but not liking totk and seeing the vast majority praise the latter like its the holy grail while alot also discrediting and needlessly hating on botw for it is already making it hard to stay calm about :U

#ganondoodles talks #special interest go brrrr #sucks when you care so much about a piece of media thats out of your control and it does something you hate #i do not control the hyperfixation #it wouldnt be so bad if people wouldnt keep hating on botw just to praise totk more tbh #and before people say but arent YOU doing the same thing in reverse??? #welll ... its suppposedly a sequel yes? #direct sequels should build on the first title and totk does the opposite doesnt it? #again one of my biggest problems is that it was advertised and called a direct sequel qhen it really isnt #like at all #how some characters also made a weird turn in their personality it really does feel like it did a majoras mask thing without admitting to i #like majoras is GOOD #it was weird and kinda nonsensical but ultimately worked #can you imagine if totk just went with the whole other dimension thing properly and really went ham with it- #.... i am coming up with even more ideas for totk rewritten arent it.. #anyway i dont think im gonna get a collectors edition ever again given the risk of me not liking what its for #regret spending that kind of money on it after i calmed down my fears and in the end they turned out to be mostly right #;__;

[todayisafridaynight]

tbh I really wanted the 3jimas to win that fight, to have Kiryu realize that his actions have consequences and that maaayybeee the people he keeps disappearing on to only reappear briefly to make demands of are finally sick of it and the rose tinted glasses of admiration have come off

no absolutely i really needed kiryu to just. //shakes him//

another thing i really wish we got from IW was daigo going off on kiryu- like he STARTED to but i needed that Y4 shit RIGHT NOW. if Y4 did anything right, it definitely helped broaden daigo's character in how having the chairman title pushed onto him was stressing him out and having him express this to kiryu was SO cathartic, even if daigo's words ultimately mean nothing to kiryu (or at the very least, kiryu did a bad job on understanding daigo's grievances and helping him afterwards)

it really is agitating that the jimas ended up going to the tower anyway too. i get that saejima and majima are kiryu's ex-colleagues and daigo's practically his son, and the fight was supposed to be a 'wake up call' for them. but it just diminishes the anger we saw from daigo in that first scene (and as if i have to say it, daigo becoming angry is a rare thing so that when it does happen its so jarring and it's meant to be serious) and it continues to excuse kiryu's general disregard for others if it means he gets what he wants.

its unfathomable to me that after nearly two decades of holding a position daigo didnt want for the sake of his idol, he finally gets to break away from it. and now his idol's just waltzing back into his life- after acting like he was dead for three years- asking for ANOTHER favor. and daigo's just supposed to accept it. if kiryu wasnt literally dying i just know he'd keep doing this until his last breath and no one would punish him for it because despite how many times he claims to understand daigo's woes, it's evident he doesn't care enough to leave him out of things

#iw spoilers #snap chats #this turned into a daigo rant LMAO SORRY #ALSO INTO A KIRYU HIT PIECE OOPS JLERJALJ #no listen i keep saying it but i genuinely love how much of an asshole kiryu is it makes things really interesting #BUT ITS SO FRUSTRATING WHEN HIS SELFISHNESS DOESNT GET PUSH BACK #like i remember thinking that scene in y3 where mine calls out kiryu was the best scene #i hadnt even played the rest of the series yet but i still knew mine had points about kiryu just pushing problems onto others #and still acting like he's virtuous #BUT THATS A POST FOR ANOTHER DAY ALKJALKJ kiryu ily please stay an asshole who wants to do good #but ultimately sucks at doing good for the people who matter the most to him #let me just ramble more cause when i think of that scene with the jimas its so upsetting #just seeing how daigo's so concerned for kiryu- UGH i need to eat drywall #like aoki's death was one of the only things from this franchise that actively frustrated me #but this whole scene is so agitating too whenever i think hard about it #SORYR FOR THE RAMBLE this was definitely more emotionally charged than i try to make my posts usually #but oopsie </3 i have a lot of feelings ....

[soldier-poet-king]

Oh man I looked at the notes on that evolution & Christianity poll (a mistake, clearly), like, how can so many people be so fkin stupid. Yes thats mean of me to say but. Y'all are really out here being strict biblical literalists?? Not even most of the early christian theologians & church fathers were strict biblical literalists?? There is no historical basis to being an extreme literalist abt the bible?? Presumably you received SOME sort of education and can read and think critically?? You can't ALL have been raised in an information restrictive cult??

99% of the time im ready to throw hands with Catholicism because oh boy we have beef and I hate it here, but at least we're not Like That TM.

Oh Fr Georges Lemaître, father of the Big Bang Theory, we're really in it now.

#not to dunk on my Protestant friends ily #but like. protestantism is one hell of a drug. holy shit #like do i think ultimately what you believe about the evolution is the end of the world. no #BUT it indicates underlying literalist thinking which leads to problems that ACTUALLY affevt everyday life #and also just. deliberate ignorance. conspiracy theory thinking #not to b like. one thing leads to another. but these r definitely related patterns of thinking #and as much as im like. I fuckin hate catholics #its current western catholics that i rlly hate #theres at least a long history of intellectual freedom and science #yes at times obvs limited and repressed. but at least its not yknow. literalism. i would fuckin die #are yall really out here thinking abt literal adam and eve and creation in 7 days. really. REALLY? #altho. i went to hs with a young earth creationist who thot dinos and humans existed at the same time #so why. am i not surprised anymore #anyway yeah individual catholics are largely insane and i will fistfight trads #but at least like. INSTITUTIONALLY. we're allowed space to think and question #doctrinally thats allowed. even if trads refuse it in practice #ho ho holy shit yall #deadass did not think there was a significant amount of biblical literalists and creationists on TUMBLR of all places #both atheists and trads who think religion and science are fundamentally opposed. #think again. u r all. dummies. i am too tired to be polite abt it #im tired of ppl with no thinking skills <-its elections here today im extra full of rage #mrk saunders can catch my hands ALSO #i saw someone say that theres no basis to interpret the bible as allegorical #as if everytime Jesus said a parable ans the apostles took it literally #he had to sit them down and be like #boys. i love u. stop being stupid. its an allegory for the people. #WHAT THE FUCK IS A PARABLE IF NOT AN ALLEGORICAL INSTRUCTIVE STORY #genuinely. maybe i am naive. but deadass thot the adam and steve crowd thing was a joke. not a genuine argument against the gays #or at the very least a rare opinion blown out of proportion #ARE YALL OK IN PROTESTANT MAJORITY AREAS???????

[jellyfish-grave]

SHAME IS GONE WOOHOO

#the thing. abt misoginy is kinds complex #and i dont wanna dwelve into it. i just think its funny just how many problems in my life ultimately either boils down to #“late stage capitalism” or “misoginy” #alternative: “french” #outer wilds #outer wilds fanart #outer wilds gabbro #outer wilds hatchling #gabbro #hatchling #timebuddies #time buddies #me when. when the literal doom of the world turns me off #camma the drawer #this is the last one currently. as i write this i mean #dont take my word for it lol

[arolesbianism]

Finally drew the messed up guy of all time <3

#keese draws #rain world #rainworld #sliver of straw #consider my sliver more of an au than hc since I do a lot with them I wouldn’t do for an actual canon sliver #if we were to get a canon sliver characterization (which I wouldn’t want in the first place) I’d want smth Very different #with that disclaimer out of the way tho minor infodump time #my sliver is the youngest of her local iterator group along with being a fairly rare model #basically she’s built much more for efficiency and generally requires a lot less resources to power #this is largely because she doesn’t host a city like most iterators do and was made with the surrounding icy environment in mind #as a result she’s not nearly as environmentally destructive as most iterators #they’re not Not destructive mind you but generally their tundra like surroundings have stayed relatively in tact #they host a research facility atop their structure and was generally meant to aid in the research of the stationed scientists #because of this it interacted with far far less anchients than most iterators did and only did in professional environments #because of this far less effort was put into its puppet and vocal box with its voice being entirely flat #it still managed to manifest quite the strong personality however largely stitched from its local iterators #internally she’s quite the wreck being very emotionally unstable and desperate for attention #she has piss poor emotional intelligence however and as such tries to find very tangible ways to help the ppl she cares abt #this ultimately leads to a self distructive downward spiral as she clings to the idea of solving the great problem as the thing they need #and by they I mostly mean the eldest of her local group and their once close friend gaze from the stars #said friend was very very attached to her city citizens and as such took the mass ascension very poorly to put it lightly #and as stars became more bitter and isolated sliver became more desperate to fix this #leading to them diving deeper and deeper into their research and making stars feel more and more alone and betrayed #culminating I’m start cutting off her communications and sliver fully blocking out the rest their local group #until yknow. the whole tripple affirmative thing. #stars was still completely cut off leaving the rest of their group to watched in quiet horror alone as all the drama happened #they were a lot less close to sliver so they were in an awkward spot between not liking the idolization of sliver while also not quite #being able to comfortably point out how dehumanizing it all is given they hardly saw them as a person either before this #I’ll have to design my iterator ocs that are sliver’s group members soon I love them sm #they all kind of suck including sliver most distinctional family in existence

[wonder-worker]

A.J Pollard’s biography on Edward IV was so cringe lol (generic; minor but frustrating inaccuracies; intensely judgmental at times and oddly dismissive at others while never considering the broader context; entirely diminished and trivialized Elizabeth Woodville as both queen and wife of his main subject in the name of "defending" her; created a false dichotomy between Edward and Henry VII’s styles of ruling and lauded the latter at the former’s expense even though Henry literally followed Edward’s example for the very things Pollard was criticizing Edward for; had a downright nonsensical and thoroughly misleading conclusion about Edward’s legacy & Richard’s usurpation that was based entirely on hindsight, Pollard's own assumptions, and the complete downplaying Richard’s agency and actions to emphasize what Pollard wrongly and misleadingly claimed were Edward's so-called 'failings', etc, etc)

I wanted to buy his book on Henry V but after reading this shitshow and the synopsis of that book, im guessing it's going to be 10x worse, so...no thanks

#history media #this was written months ago im posting it to get it out of my drafts #it wasn't necessarily BAD. it was generic and readable. but it was very disappointing and misleading and its conclusion was just nonsense #listen I have no patience for the dumbfuck idea that edward somehow had the ultimate responsibility for his own son's deposition because #of his 'policies' during his reign. like I said it's based fully on hindsight and entirely devoid of actual context. it's bafflingly stupid #literally everyone expected Edward V to succeed his father and 'both hoped for and expected' (Croyland's own words) a successful reign #Edward V's deposition was richard and solely Richard's fault lol this should not be difficult to understand #the reason Richard's usurpation was possible in the first place was bcause everyone expected E5 to succeed and didn't expect Richard #do to what he did. nothing would have happened without his initiative and decisions. it had nothing to do with Edward's 'policies' #Edward's policies were fine. henry vii - who pollard vaunts to no end - literally *followed* them #and claiming that he failed to unite England under the Yorkist dynasty is just plain stupid #buddy if he truly failed at that then neither Richard III nor Henry VII would have thrones lol. both emphasized continuity with #him when aiming for the throne. like the whole point of 1483-85 was that it was a conflict WITHIN the 'Yorkist' dynasty #it was not an external threat against it. #'his legacy failed' his legacy didn't fail his brother destroyed it (while also presenting himself as his heir because logic what's logic?) #henry's victory was very much the triumph of his legacy (a claimant chosen by his supporters as the husband of his daughter) #like this is really not my interpretation it is literally what happened #i'm not trying to glorify e4 but his son did inherit the throne in a more advantageous circumstances than any other minor king of england #and frankly than most other adult kings. dumping blame on Edward's literal corpse rather than acknowledge Richard's agency is so tasteless #the problem isn't that edward made a mistake in trusting his brother. many other kings including Henry V also trusted theirs. #the problem is that his brother was willing to break that trust in a way that was unprecedented and broke all political norms of that age #ie: Richard's usurpation occurred because of Richard who re-ignited conflict to make himself king. please drill this into your head #also btw this illogical 'interpretation' is based entirely on Charles Ross' hatred and derision towards Elizabeth Woodville and her family #if you agree with this inteterpretation you agree with his vilification of them 🤷🏻‍♀️ #anyway if you want a better interpretation that's actually analytical and looks a relevant rather than a flawed retrospective perspective #i would recommend rosemary horrox's 'richard iii: a study of service' and david horspool's 'richard iii: a ruler and his reputation' #anyway one last time: STOP downplaying Richard's agency and actions. historians who do this are stupid and embarrassing. bye. #(i should really post horspool's glorious takedown of ross and Pollard huh? it was very entertaining to read)

[wizardlyghost]

everyone in my state is going maskless and partying and berating me for being paranoid for continuing to wear a mask and refraining from face to face social interaction, all while we have 4k new cases a day and people from within my own department at work keep calling in sick with covid. if i have to hear one more person unironically say "its never going to get down to 0 cases" or "you should just get it so youre immune for a few months, realistically youre not going to die from it" i am going to start screaming.

#like even if i wasnt asthmatic thats not the fucking point you goddamn imbeciles! #the point is that even though the odds are in my favour the same isnt true for every fucking person who has to breathe my air! #im coming to the conclusion that i havent been nearly as disillusioned re: the human propensity for shortsighted apathy as i thought i was #somewhere there was a secret stash of hope that because people theoretically could be better there was a chance that they would be #new depths of disillusionment. yay. #the ultimate problem is that im afraid that they might be right. that maybe 4k cases a fucking day is the best its going to get #in which case my choices are a) stop caring or b) become a bitter old hermit filled with regret waiting to die alone #and i do not know how to stop caring #thats a lie. i do not know how to stop caring without sticking either a bottle or a bullet in my mouth #both of which are considered to be messier forms of self destructive behaviour than caring and are therefore off the table #alright im done ive got it out of my system. i am normal again now.

[cinnabeat]

my favorite thing abt cale tcf is that if he really truly wanted to avoid the plot and live a peaceful life like he always says he couldve just completely avoided choi han and let him pass through or whatever but instead he personally invited him in and immediately started plans to prevent the horrors of the future war like yeah sure he was doing it to keep himself safe but he did it in THE MOST convoluted plot involving way possible like if he really TRULY wanted to stay safe and alone he couldve just not done Any of that. unfortunately for him he has a bleeding heart

#its been a while since i read tcf so excuse me if i got the beginning wrong but my point still stands #he couldve done literally anything but that you know #there was no reason #he woke up and was like huh im in the book series i was literally just reading and in the guy who gets beat up first thing #thats inconvenient #let me get the shield of vitality and avoid choi han like the plague #and in the process find more things to do to stay safe (read: prevent random strangers tragedies) and interact with choi han as much as huma #humanly possible #like hello #and then he just?? keeps doing it? #its like everytime he meets someone hes like do you have a problem? oh you do? sigh why does this always happen to me now i have to fix this #hes always like 'i didnt ask :/' when people tell him things buy then hes like #'but at leaat this conveniently fits into my ever expanding machinations' #mr 'im not a good person' my ASS #i really need to reread tcf its so funny #i miss my ultimate blorbo alberu #michi tag

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[jessamine-rose]

/obey me! vent/

#jessamine rambles #before i start. pls keep in mind that this is fully subjective and could just be a 'me' problem. i just want to get this off my chest #ngl i've been contemplating on whether i want to stop playing obey me. both the og game and nightbringer #idk i've been playing the game since its first month and while it's given me a lot of joy + memories + chances to befriend other ppl. i'm #pretty burned out. not to mention TIRED of my consistent disappointment with the game #the main story.....where do i start?? i actually enjoyed s1-s3 despite my qualms with the fillers and pacing but s4 disappointed me. i was #rlly looking forward to simeon's storyline and the new characters but ultimately. the devs tried to squeeze too many things into one season #not to mention that there is a notable difference in how the characters are written. i.e. beel's hunger and asmo's beauty #being watered down to running gags instead of the complexities explored in the old dg stories and chara songs #gameplay-wise. i was there when the devs raised the rewards price of the event urs and removed the demon ssrs completely #but nightbringer was the last straw for me. the amount of time it takes to grind for two games. knowing that the og app has essentially bee #abandoned by the devs?? not to mention that while the plot is interesting. i haven't touched the main story ever since the coma arc #i will give credit to the devs for improving the event stories by choosing to focus on 1-2 demons. but it has always felt like a quantity > #quality situation. esp if i were to compare it to my other fandoms #it also doesn't help that i'm currently at a point of my life where i'm questioning if i could use my time on obm for better things #seeing how the game is giving me less reasons to believe it is worth my time #idk this may also be a short-term phase since i DID get back into twst after a long hiatus and i recently got into whb #which btw has felt like a breath of fresh air despite my frustrations with the bugs and current gacha #but yeahhhh........as much as i love the obm characters and fanfics. i'm just tired #at this point i feel like the only reason why i still play the game is due to the nostalgia and so i don't waste the years of grinding #aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #this is what i get for being the type of player who only plays a few games so they can rlly dedicate their time and passion to it #that's all

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[rockingthegraveyard]

Love the weight of rice bags but they do not stay cold long enough for me.

#i mean its a good thing #if you tend to leave ice packs on too long #and fall asleep with them like i did the other night #((oh but i slept like a baby for #like #six hours and my pain numbed so good #and no burns #it worked in my favor that time)) #but if you want longer then 15 mins of Cold then youre better off with ice packs with ice or gel #clay is the ultimate weighty ice packs #but they have the same problem #just a little longer then rice #but idk where all my clay ones are #i blame my brother #ugh my wrist hurts #but i dont want to get up for another ice pack bc im comfy cozy #🥺🥺🥺 #ignore me

[cherrymoonvol6]

the worst part about flapjack's death is that luz and hunter's friendship died right along with it lmao

#idk it's just funny. TTT goes so fucking far in order to say that luz and hunter have built a strong bond between them #to the point that luz calls him family #then luz is the only one who refuses to fight possessed hunter #she only gets close to him to hug him and do the 'this is not you!' middle school couple trope on him #not only that but flapjack entrusts his powers for luz when he sees what's become of hunter and THAT is what she CHOOSES to do #you know. flapjack who was caleb's palisman. who was there for the entirety of caleb and evelyn's romance to the point that belos- #-considers him a symbol of caleb's betrayal (his love for evelyn) #this is the same flapjack that looks at phillip trying to harm 'caleb' again and decides to literally put his powers in luz's hands #and ultimately his sacrifice means neither caleb or evelyn have to die again #which is kinda confirmed by the way hunter goes like 'there's a reason you and i are alive and here right now and it's because- #-it's our turn to defeat belos' like i didn't even have to reach for this. hunter says it himself #and this is all great and compelling and makes sense except for the fact that the show just forgets about this on the next two episodes #and so where the first episode establishes that luz and hunter are close friends FTF and WAD are like 'do they even know each other?idk idc #and i get to stare at the camera because OBVIOUSLY if hunter and luz were a couple this wouldn't be a problem to begin with #and flapjack's death loses meaning when it turns out that nothing about evelyn or caleb or the previous confrontations between belos and- #-the other grimwalkers has any bearing in the plot anymore #flapjack gave its life to preserve the love that changed the world back then but because it's just never acknowledged it's like. who cares #someone had to die and we can't kill one of the kids #shrugs #sorry i have so much resentment in my heart #but do not get it twisted. it's HILARIOUS to me that TOH is at its most compelling when the lunter/witteclaw parallels are at its strongest #and then shoots itself in the foot when they realize that they paired off both characters with other people #okay that's all i have to say by now #lunter #is this anything

[naotosfuyumines]

finally posted pseudo incest fanart here on my art sideblog in tmblr dot com wish me luck so i wont be hunted down for sport

#personal // #i need to unlearn shame..........like its ultimately not so my problem if ppl online are rabid over shipping #what kills me in this case is that like. that otp is very very vanilla if you discount their sworn brotherhood that makes it incest #and the small age gap between them too i guess. lol #anyway!!!!!!!