#vex text: fangirl edition

[vex-verlain]

“I have a beautiful and alluring partner.”

Sherlock Holmes: “We solve mysteries and fight crime.”

Harold Finch: “We solve mysteries and stop crimes before they start.”

Sherlock Holmes: “We use deductive logic.”

Harold Finch: “We use cutting-edge technology.”

Sherlock Holmes: “I have a beautiful and alluring partner.”

Harold Finch: “…So do I.”

John Reese: *looks startled*

Everybody: *stares at Harold*

Joan Watson: “Awkward.”

Elementary/Person of Interest promo for WGN America’s fall 2015 “Prime Crime” lineup.

#elementary #person of interest #poi #rinch #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #1k notes

[layaltheblogger2019]

What is something vexing that you're currently wrestling with?

A sudden departure

A look at the words I wasn’t able to write

I wanted to write a blogpost to commemorate Aliza Akhtar and try to have it posted on the blogs, but it was a lot harder than it sounded. The words did not want to come out. The ink did not want to spill out onto the page to make it real.

The following are actual snippets I wrote at varying points after we got the news of her passing. They’ve only been lightly edited for clarity.

Attempt #1

Dear Aliza,

You're no longer with us, apart from that I don't know what to say. There's now a gaping hole in my life. It doesn't make sense? Like how? You're THE course 6. The desi queen. You were gonna go to Spain. I don't understand, like how can everything just stop like that. I don't believe it Aliza. I cannot understand, everything is numb.

Remember when you left? We hugged for so long, you hugged me so tightly.

I'd hoped that the next time I'd be in Jersey I'd see you and your family. Now, I'll just be seeing your family.

I don't believe it to the point that everytime I read condolences in the MSA chat it hits me all over again. Because it makes it real.

Your Hanu cried so much for you Aliza. There was so much love inside of her for you, she misses you so much. She keeps remembering things, and laughing and smiling, then crying because you're no longer here. It's so heartbreaking. I'm holding her hand for you.

I've never seen Samar cry, and it hurts to see her. She misses you so much, she keeps making prayers for you, the moment I walked on to 2E she held me and kept making prayers, she loved you so much.

  Attempt #2

The one thing I keep asking myself is "what does that mean?" What does it mean that the brightest ray of sunshine no longer exists?

I start this out with a picture.

A smile from one of the most beautiful souls I've ever met.

Meet Aliza Akhtar.

Aliza’s older sister, Sameen: "Do the things she never got to do Be a strong independent women for her."

  Attempt #3

Like a flower bursting with color, A beauty unlike any other Like her beautiful flower earrings from Mexico Where she spent a month.

You'll never really know her if you've never met her She's the kind of special person, you'll hear stories about her that sound like fairytales

  Attempt #4

Last week ago today, one of my closest friends at MIT, Aliza Akhtar, passed away in a car accident. She was a strong, independent woman who really did it all.

I wish I could explain what it felt like to be loved by her. To be around her. She wasn't just anybody, she was Aliza Akhtar, desi queen, master programmer, MSA publicity chair, Mickey Singh fangirl, dependable and always down to have a good time, most likely to change the world, a take the risk or lose the chance kind of person. Everyone who met her loved her. I never had a big sister before, and she was the closest thing I had to one.

Aliza was going to change the world, those of us who knew her knew that.

  Attempt #5

Last week ago today, one of my closest friends at MIT, Aliza Akhtar, passed away in a car accident.

Aliza was the kind of person you'd wish and hope to meet at least once in your life, she was bright, happy, she was a ray of sunshine with the purest heart. Her soul was so beautiful. Sometimes you just meet those people that are literally angels, who are too good for this world. Aliza was that person.

The night before Aliza left MIT to go home, we went to Maseeh for food and on our back the weather was so nice, the moon was out, Aliza suggested we sit and enjoy it. And we did. We sat on the sidewalk right by the bike storage in between Maseeh and McCormick with Faran and Sonia 2.0 (the electric scooter). And it was magical. I had a final to study for that they both insisted I should leave to do. But I couldn't leave and I didn't for quite a while. It's like God knew and gave me more time.

When we said goodbye, we hugged so tightly in the lobby and for so long. I had never had her hug me so hard. And she kept telling me to enjoy my summer, and I told her to enjoy hers. And we just kept doing that in the lobby for 5 minutes. And when she left she turned, looked through the glass, waved, and that's the last time I ever saw her.

I wish I could explain what it felt like to be loved by her. To be around her. She wasn't just anybody, she was Aliza Akhtar, desi queen, master programmer, MSA exec member, always down to have a good time, the greatest and purest person ever. I don't want Aliza to be forgotten, because that just means she dies twice. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves more than I could ever give her.

Attempt #6

I shoveled dirt into her grave.

The happy people I spent time with at MIT, in the dining hall, in the BLR, in the infinite, I never expected to stand with all of them in the graveyard.

In the car, Haniya slept on my shoulder, holding my hand. She held Samar's hand in parallel.

I opened Snapchat and saw an unopened story. From her. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tapped it, welcomed by Baskin Robin's and an unfamiliar smile. 15 hours ago...which seemed very close to the time it happened. She was probably driving home from there...

We all realized it.

Once we get to the graveyard, just on time, we get out of the car in a pack. I won't ever forget Wasay emotionally collapsing in front of me, into Baraa. It was such a long car ride, he had to keep going strong while driving, he grieved.

We barely recognized her, and her the same but our shared grief gave us a momentary clarity. It was the mother of the family friends. She told us what had happened. Driving home in the dark in two separate cars. Worry when Aliza's car doesn't return. Steps retraced and ambulances are found. A drive to the hospital. They are frantic, finding out that her sister is hurt but will be okay. And that Aliza is not.

And we cry as we walk, grasping onto each other. Trying to hold on.

I saw their faces as the casket was retrieved. Cries and whimpers and pain. I saw Sameen, and for a moment in her I saw Aliza. I saw Aliza crying. And I wondered then who was really wrapped up in those white sheets. A mistake must have been made. There was no way the casket being lifted up was hers. And the dirt just started piling. And it began to cover her. And she was 6 feet below me, so far down. And the imam from her mosque was so annoyingly persistent. So nonchalant and a little aggressive. And in the moment I wondered how he'd be acting if it was his son or daughter being buried.

  Attempt #7

Aliza's death hurts me in new ways every time I really sit and think about it. I really, really miss her. Sometimes I text her on Messenger hoping this has all been some mistake and she'll reply. But she doesn't reply. The last thing she texted me was that she loves me and misses me. I love her and miss her too. She won't be coming back next semester, that's a fact, and I didn't believe it at first but the fog is starting to clear. I feel like so many people have moved on already, and so quickly too. I haven't. I don't know if I ever will. I wish I could talk to someone, but I don't know if anyone wants to be reminded of the pain.

At her burial when everyone was sobbing, I looked up at her family and did a double take because when I saw her older sister crying, I saw Aliza crying. And for a moment then I wondered if maybe the body being carried over to the 6-foot deep hole wasn't Aliza, but someone else. It was so surreal. That whole day was too surreal. I still remember so much of it, the seconds passed so slowly. I sat in a car for 6 hours sweating and crying and wondering how it was possible to have so much bodily fluid exiting my body at the same time. I threw dirt into her grave, I helped bury her. I saw my friends at their lowest, I saw them in agony, faces warped into shapes I've never seen, I saw them in ways I never expected to. I'm still hurting. A little more than a month later and it feels like I just got the news last week.

I miss you Aliza. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you.

I will hear your laughter in McCormick. I will see your shadow in the Infinite. I will remember you in the simplest of moments for the rest of my life and wish you were still here.

Please consider donating to charity on Aliza’s behalf here: https://tinyurl.com/AlizasCharities

[vex-verlain]

Jinjurly Audiofic Archive - Help Still Needed!

Remember the Jinjurly archive that hosted a ton of podfic back in the day?  It is being restored by Walter and the folks over at Squidge.org (which has been around since 1994 and is an absolute blessing).  A new call for help was posted today by the squidgestatus account. They have managed to recover more than 4,300 of the 5,078 files but they're still missing nearly 800!  So please take a moment to look at the updated spreadsheet noted in the post and see if you can help track down a missing podfic!

[view the post here] - Can YOU Help?

And don't forget that Squidge.org recently became a 501(c)(3) organization!  If you have any extra funds, please consider making a tax-deductible donation to help support all of the hard work that goes into bringing Squidge.org's valuable resources (like Jinjurly) to fandom!  More information regarding donating online can be found in this post. 

(Please note that I am in no way associated with the Squidge.org; I have simply admired many facets of the project since around 2000.)

#jinjurly #podfic #signal boost #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post

[vex-verlain]

Any time I switch to a new phone, I have to make a new background.  Am I the only one who does this?  Am I the only person who feels the need to customize their phone background beyond just using a random image?

I personally do this because:

I like to make sure the top bar or header (where the time and battery life is) is clearly defined.

I like my apps to have their own little spots.

I like to have a lil quote or something.

I like navigation buttons and widgets (like the time/date) to stand out.

Etc.  I think I just like order, honestly.  Using a plain image feels chaotic.

First set of images above: Arthur/Eames background for the LG Stylo 3,  Left image shows the background in use; right image shows the base image.

Second set of images above: Arthur/Eames background for the LG Stylo 6,  Left image shows the background in use; right image shows the base image.

#arthur x eames #phone backgrounds #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post

[vex-verlain]

New Fic Alert!

Please consider giving my anonymous revealed gifters some love!  (These are gifts I received  through the 2023 Hurt/Comfort Exchange and the 2023 Sakura Exchange.)

If any of the ships below strike your fancy, please send some love via kudos and/or comments!

Below the cut, you will find…

3:10 to Yuma (2007): Dan Evans/Ben Wade Antique Bakery (anime/manga): Ono Yuusuke/Tachibana Keiichirou Jurassic Park (movie series): Billy Brennan/Alan Grant

Trust by Trifoliate-Undergrowth

Fandom: 3:10 to Yuma (2007) Pairing: Dan Evans/Ben Wade Rating: Mature (no archive warnings apply) Word Count: 2,560 Summary: Ben and Dan get to know each other a little better in the bridal suite.

today, of all days by redgear

Fandom: Antique Bakery (anime/manga) Pairing: Ono Yuusuke/Tachibana Keiichirou Rating: Explicit (no archive warnings apply) Word Count: 2,917 Summary: Ono and Tachibana go out for drinks after Honma's wedding.

More Than Words by Cerylid

Fandom: Jurassic Park (movie series) Pairing: Billy Brennan/Alan Grant Rating: Teen & Up (no archive warnings apply) Word Count: 1,975 Summary: After the helicopter rescue from Isla Sorna, Billy wakes up in a unknown hospital, confused and alone, and knowing nothing he could ever say would change the past.

I will try to remember to update this with author names/links once they are revealed.

#fic written for me #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #fic recs #3:10 to yuma #antique bakery #jurassic park

[vex-verlain]

Candy Hearts Exchange fic!

I received three amazing gifts from the Candy Hearts Exchange!  Story reveals happened last night, and I devoured my gifts immediately.  Author reveals haven't happened yet, but I’ve updated the list with authors; if any of the below strike your fancy, please send some love via kudos and/or comments!

Below the cut, you will find...

Hannibal: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter Marvel Cinematic Universe: Loki/Thor The Fast & The Furious: Brian O'Conner/Dominic Toretto

il mostruoso fidanzamento by HogwartsToAlexandria

Fandom: Hannibal (TV) Pairing: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter Rating: Mature (no archive warnings apply) Word Count: 2,314 Author Summary: It is fitting, Will thinks, that sex might act as foreplay for them while impending bloodshed remains the main course to be served. My Notes: This is a getting-together fic, with the canon divergence occurring during "Dolce" (s03e06). Excerpt:

It’s only in the safety of a rich, vacant apartment that Will draws his knife out. He lets it dangle from his fingers after pulling the curtains closed.

“Who lived here?” He asks as Hannibal turns around with difficulty; “Were they discourteous?”

“Very,” is all Hannibal says, his eyes traveling to the blade and back to Will’s. Assessing. There’s a glint of pride there, too, that cuts through Will’s train of thought.

What he does next is arrogant, and it is not. Hannibal turns his back to him.

Flowers Are A Loving Gesture (but you know you can do much better) by MoonGoddex

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Pairing: Loki/Thor Rating: Teen & Up Audiences (no archive warnings apply) Word Count: 920 Author Summary: Thor receives an unexpected visitor on the night of a celebration he's avoiding. My Notes: This is a love confession fic, set after the fall of Asgard and the death of Loki in Thor's timeline. Excerpt:

He yanked the door open, glared at the person who stood there, hood pulled low, bouquet of hand picked flowers clutched in their hands. Traditional selection for the Asgardian festival, at least, no damn roses.

"If this is an attempt at courtship, it's unwelcome."

Can't Blame Gravity by Jedi Buttercup

Fandom: The Fast & The Furious Pairing: Brian O'Conner/Dominic Toretto Rating: Teen & Up Audiences (no archive warnings apply) Word Count: 400 Author Summary: By all rights, neither one of them should be here. My Notes: This is a pre-slash getting-together fic, with the canon divergence taking place at the end of the first movie.  It's too short for an excerpt; just go read it!

#fic written for me #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #fic recs #hannigram #thorki #is there a ship name for #brian o'conner x dominic toretto

[vex-verlain]

Oh to be reminded that you have FEELINGS about Robin Hood (2010).

#robin hood (2010) #rise and rise again #until lambs become lions #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post

[vex-verlain]

They cancelled season 2 of Minx even though it was greenlit.  Fucking assholes.

#vex text: fangirl edition #minx hbo

[vex-verlain]

It's funny how I can just be living my life and then randomly get angry at Dominick Cobb.

"Positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time."

No, dude.  Who thinks that?  Positive emotion is fleeting.  Negative emotion sticks with you.  Tell me, what affects you more: one person’s negative comment or the praise of twenty people?  (Hint: for most of us, it’s the negative comment.)

Anyway.  This post has been brought to you by me reading "NEVER Forget: Negative Emotional Valence Enhances Recapitulation" on PubMed.

"emotional valence—whether an event is negative or positive—affects the way that information is remembered. [...]as compared to positive events, negative events [...] trigger increased encoding of sensory detail [...]. [...] negative valence enhances the reactivation and storage of sensory details over offline periods, leading to a greater divergence between the sensory recapitulation of negative and positive memories over time. [...] these valence-based differences occur even when events are equated for arousal [...]."

TL;DR: We are wired to remember negative memories better than positive ones and they should have gone with Eames’s plan.

#inception #inception (2010) #emotion #memory #vex text: fangirl edition #(the fangirling being about inception...not cobb)

[vex-verlain]

My Steam Replay 2022.

(RetroArch was me playing Dragon Warrior for the NES.)

#steam replay 2022 #this is depressing #i don't know that my stats have ever been this low #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post

[vex-verlain]

you don’t understand.  the untamed RUINED me.  i have been a connoisseur of love stories for over 20 years and then this show comes along and that’s it, it’s over, go home everyone, this is THE ultimate love story and nothing else will ever compare.

#the untamed #wangxian #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #1k notes

[vex-verlain]

Shout out to all the 30+ year-olds who were just scrolling Netflix one day and saw The Untamed and thought, “Huh, that looks pretty gay,” and then proceeded to watch it and fall in love without any inkling that the actors who played the main characters were not only 1.) much younger than you thought, but also 2.) in fucking boy bands.

#cql #the untamed #vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #my partner and i were in shock #when the obsession kicked in and i started to google #because we REALLY didn't see that coming #yes you're correct it was our first introduction to wuxia #we are stupid white gays and you can say it

[vex-verlain]

Look, I've never seen Supernatural, but I am LIVING for all the Destiel shippers out here going nuts on Tumblr since November 5th. Your joy has been wonderful to behold and I really hope the finale gives you what you've been waiting for. 💕

#vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #supernatural #destiel #deancas

[vex-verlain]

My most recent haul from @shandian-go!

One art frame and one matching print, one chibi washi tape, two pendants, eight notebooks, and eight folders.  All of it is MDZS/CQL except for the washi tape, which is SHL.

Thank you so much, Mel, for this amazing group order!  <3

#this is a vex original post #vex text: fangirl edition

[vex-verlain]

All the Destiel shippers out there, I'm so sorry. We see you and you're loved by your fellow fans in other fandoms.

We love you and we're so sorry.

#vex text: fangirl edition #this is a vex original post #supernatural #spn spoilers #spoilers #deancas #Destiel #having fucking flashbacks of the great queerbait of 2017

[vex-verlain]

Thank you so much to @shandian-go for my four MDZS Camphong posters!  I would have posted these MONTHS ago when I received them, but I only just now got them framed and hung up in my office at work!

(Also pictured is the awesome CQL Man Neng Wangxian stainless steel water bottle that I use every day, which of course was also ordered through @shandian-go!  The modern au Wei Wuxian artwork on the side of my monitor is by @littlesmartart —you can find the original post here.)

#mdzs #cql #this is a vex original post #vex text: fangirl edition