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saintchaser · 1 year

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the candles were lit, the christmas tree was put up, baubles and tinsel and lights, beautiful and warm. somewhere above him, someone made gingerbread, the smell of cinnamon and ginger coming out through their window in the cold air of december. carols sung under his window, frank sinatra, and carols passed down from one generation to the next, parents to children and children to their own.

and remus was utterly miserable.

he lit up a cigarette with a snap of his fingers, the same way sirius used to. remus liked pretending he never quite got the hang of it, just so he could feel sirius' face, so close to his, their noses almost touching, their love burning them the same way fire burnt the nicotine, the cigarette, all of it. remus liked joking to himself; had they not been smokers, maybe they wouldn't have set fire to everything they ever had.

the last christmas he had spent was with them. of course, looking ragged and weary and through james' thick, dark hair, remus was sure he could make out greys. lily's hair seemed untameable, and remus chuckled, telling her she finally resembled james.

peter looked ill, and his eyes continued darting from his friends to the door.

(remus asked him if he was fine; he said it was nothing. he was dead now. all so sudden. he had gotten the invitation from lydia to his funeral. he came, and she cried on his shoulder and he helped carry his casket. it made him sick to his stomach, and he locked himself in his room and, for the first time since his mam's death, he allowed himself to grieve. real, raw grief.)

marlene and dorcas looked the best out of all of them, but lines of worry still crossed their faces whenever they looked over to james and lily, hari in their arms, taking turns. a façade of happiness, because even if babies are wordless, they know. they can feel the air of misery, of anger, of death, looming above their heads in thick smoke.

the last christmas they had spent together, they were alive.

and now they were dead. the only thing father christmas had brought that year was death, grief, anger, and feelings so complicated and never explained. he could have brought a little bit more time, to bid one last goodbye.

happy christmas, war is over.

#death tw #and of course i could not miss the opportunity to write some angst for the holidays too! so this is christmas (waaaar is oooover)#if you know you know #last year i've written something based on that song if anyone wants the link feel free to dm me and ask for it i don't mind /gen #anyways remus being sad for christmas has GOT to be one of my favorite tropes ever #in my fic which is not a fic yet hope is still alive but [SPOILER]#anyways #james potter #lily evans #hari potter #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #peter pettigrew #sirius black #wolfstar #remus lupin #remus lupin angst #my writing

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