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sophieskatesreads · 3 years

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Omegaverse Exchange Requested Tag List

This is my first time actually posting a thing on Tumblr; I generally just use Twitter, so if I fuck this up in any way, apologies and please let me know. Yes, I know that anyone who follows me (and probably others? Again, Tumblr novice) can see this, but it’s basically only being written/posted for the person who fills my exchange request. So, others, feel free to ignore-- or you can read this, if you feel like it.

Anyway.

Welcome, poor soul who has received me as a request! I’d like to say, first and foremost, that this is very long; you do not have to read it/read all of it. This is just a compilation of my favorite tags out of the tag collection (all of which I’m okay with being used) and a lazy grouping of them by category for you to peruse, in case you need ideas. Generally, my only “rules” for requests are that the fic has to be written in third person, if the YOI pairing is chosen, his name is “Yuri” or “Yura,”-- NOT “YURIO,” and that if pregnancy is involved (which is very much encouraged) it’s Yuri or Lio who is pregnant. The further along, the bigger the belly, the better. Multiples are great, for example.

Depending on the tags you choose, sex may or may not be incorporated into the fic, going by your preference. There are some smutty tags I specifically asked for (which you’ll see below), so, obviously, smut is fine for those if they're used, but, generally, I'm not too moved by it. Unless the smut fulfills a specific tag, then I generally skim over it, just because it's not very interesting to me. (See the tags I chose: they almost all fulfill specific kinks. Without the kinks, I don’t care about sex much.) So, sex is not a DNW, but unless it was requested, I prefer my fics to be composed of plot-- not endless smut. If you need further clarification, please let me know!

I have no DNWs as far as content goes: I’ll happily receive anything-- from fluffy domesticity, to the horrific scenes that the tags outline below. You couldn’t squick me out if you tried, either through medical procedures, gore, or torture, so have fun with this.

Those are my general instructions, so onto the tag grouping! Some are listed multiple times; it may be because they’re applicable/desired across several categories, or because I’m tired as I type this, lol. Again, these lists are a lot, so please feel free to ignore them: they’re only here to help, if you want them.

YURI GOES INTO HEAT; YAKOV AND/OR LILIA TAKE CARE OF HIM NON-SEXUALLY.

Non-Sexually Taking Care Of Omega Child During Their First Heat

omega experiencing intense heat squirts for the first time

omega has overwhelming heats

omega is oblivious of their heat approaching until too late

Omega's first heat brought on early due to trauma

Omega's first heat delayed due to trauma

plot happenings keep characters too busy to notice heat/rut coming on

A/B/O Worldbuilding

YURI OR LIO IS CAUGHT SOMEHOW AND SUBJECTED TO MEDICAL EXPERIMENTATION/TRANSITION THAT TURNS HIM INTO AN OMEGA. (I THINK THE CIRCUMSTANCES LEND THEMSELVES TO LIO, BUT I DON’T HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR WHICH OF THEM THIS HAPPENS TO).

Alpha dubcons Alpha into getting fucked and knotted

Alpha gets knotted against their will

Alpha is Forcibly Changed to Omega

Breeding Kink

Alpha character gets nonconned by other alphas until they become an omega

Catboy Omegaverse

Childbirth

resurrection turns alpha into omega

Going into heat while on run from authorities really inconvenient

Heat inducement as a punishment

Heat/rut is physically painful (unless having sex)

Knot Edging

Knots stay inflated for at least an hour

Lactation - Drugs To Make Omega Lactate Whenever Their Alpha Wants

Lactation During Heat

Lactation post-heat

Law can seize 'rebellious' omegas at any point for corrective public use

medical experiment to turn beta into omega

Miscarriage

labor/birth is extremely difficult and painful for male omegas

Medical experiment to turn alpha into omega

Null's presentation delayed due to trauma

omega experiencing intense heat squirts for the first time

Omega character is repulsed by alphas instead of attracted to them

omega forced to beg for knot

Omega freedom fighters in Handmaid's Tale-esque dystopia

omega forced to beg to be bred

omega gets fucked and knotted immediately after giving birth

omega given to alpha as a political favor

omega has overwhelming heats

Omega recovering from abuse needs to call the shots during sex

Omega's first heat brought on early due to trauma

Omega's first heat delayed due to trauma

Omegas always get pregnant with multiples

Omegas Are Societally Obligated To Be Pregnant As Often As Possible

Pregnancy detected by scent

past discrimination victim accepting and embracing their secondary gender

plot happenings keep characters too busy to notice heat/rut coming on

Pregnancy

Protective alpha growling when they don’t like how their mate is treated

A/B/O Worldbuilding

I HAVE A SPECIFIC MENTAL AU THAT THESE TAGS APPLY TO, SO I’M COLLECTING THEM FOR MY OWN CONVENIENCE, BUT MAKE OF THIS AMALGAMATION WHAT YOU WILL. MY AU FEATURES OTAYURI, BUT I DON’T HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR WHICH PAIRING THESE TAGS ARE USED FOR.

Breeding Kink

Soothing touch starved character with comforting or sexy touches

Alpha/omega rape during heats is socially acceptable and not seen as rape

Alphas Are Common and Omegas Are Rare

Breeding as a punishment for a crime

Catboy Omegaverse

breaking previous mating bond

Character thinks nesting is ridiculous - does it anyway

Childbirth

gentle alpha

Heat/rut is physically painful (unless having sex)

Intimacy while being tied

Intricate Courting Rituals

A is embarrassed by nesting urges; B joins in to help them feel less self-conscious

Knot Edging

Knots stay inflated for at least an hour

Lactation During Heat

Lactation post-heat

Late blooming omega thought he was a beta until accidental pregnancy proved otherwise

Miscarriage

Nesting - Omega Embarrassed Over Being Caught Stealing Clothes For Nest

labor/birth is extremely difficult and painful for male omegas

Nesting With Kids

Omega addicted to being bred

Null character thought they were asexual; turns out they are wildly attracted to alpha character

Omega Angry About Being Omega

omega experiencing intense heat squirts for the first time

Omega character is repulsed by alphas instead of attracted to them

Omega Builds Nest To Support Them While Heavily Pregnant So They Can Still Be Fucked Hard

omega feels safe around alpha

omega has overwhelming heats

Alpha Claims Omega Friend In Order To Protect Them From Public Use

Omega hates the scent of Alphas until they find their True Mate

A/B/O Worldbuilding

Omegas always get pregnant with multiples

Omega's Have Pregnancy Heats As A Way To Bond With Their Alpha When Already Pregnant

Omegas Are Societally Obligated To Be Pregnant As Often As Possible

Pregnancy

Protective alpha growling when they don’t like how their mate is treated

Scent Compatibility

Scenting/marking/nuzzling pregnant belly

Smelling Distress Of Their Omega Turns Alpha Feral

Scenting - "platonic" snuggling because your friend smells really comforting

Scenting - Alpha Purposefully Scent-Marks Someone To Stake Their Claim & Ward Off Other Alphas

Scenting in moments of distress to calm down

Stealth Scent Marking While Pining

Alpha tries to prove a worthy mate & parent by being nurturing

A/B/O Worldbuilding

a/b/o courtship traditions

a/b/o pack dynamics

Alpha brings Omega resources to build nest

A/B/O Regency

alpha builds a nest for the omega

Alpha burdened by an emotional need to protect everyone

alpha cares for injured omega after bad run-in with another alpha

GENERAL STORIES: ALL-INCLUSIVE. THESE ARE RANDOM TAGS THAT I’VE COMPILED THAT I LIKE, EVEN IF THEY DON’T FIT INTO ANY OF THE LISTED CATEGORIES. IF THEY DO, I LIKE THEM ENOUGH TO LIST THEM TWICE. :SHRUG: I DON’T HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR WHICH PAIRING THESE TAGS ARE USED FOR.

Alpha Embarrassed to Shop in Estrus Products Aisle

Alpha is aggressively protective of their pregnant partner

Workplace heat leave policy leaves a lot to be desired

Alpha Students Feel Non-Sexually Protective Of Omega Teacher

Alpha tries to prove a worthy mate & parent by being nurturing

Scenting - Alpha Purposefully Scent-Marks Someone To Stake Their Claim & Ward Off Other Alphas

Scenting - Common For Young Alphas To Accidentally Scent-Mark Their Teachers/Peers (Platonically)

Soothing touch starved character with comforting or sexy touches

Scenting - Getting Embarassed Over Accidentally Scent-Marking Someone

Scenting - knowing somebody is about to have a panic attack because their scent changes

alpha is insatiably horny around their pregnant omega

Omega hates the scent of Alphas until they find their True Mate

Alpha With Breeding Kink Can't Stop Touching Their Partner's Belly While They're Tied

Alpha's & Omega's only present when feeling safe and healthy and are null otherwise

alpha spoiling their pregnant omega with cuddling and foot rubs and midnight ice cream runs

alpha super protective over partner who can take care of themselves but finds it adorable

Alpha wolf shifter with a crush on an omega cat shifter

Asexual character

Alphas In The Group Are Protective Of Their Omega Member(s)

Pacifist omega avoids required military service by always being pregnant

Breeding Kink

Catboy Omegaverse

Character thought he was a beta until accidental pregnancy proved otherwise

Character everyone assumes is alpha actually omega

Character thinks nesting is ridiculous - does it anyway

characters notice heat/rut coming on but plot happenings keep them too busy to do anything about it

Omega's Have Pregnancy Heats As A Way To Bond With Their Alpha When Already Pregnant

Compatible Alpha in close quarters induces heat in omega

Exhausted post-heat cuddles

Childbirth

Extremely Horny Pregnant Omega

the family pet being extra protective of pregnant omega

gentle alpha

Heat/rut is physically painful (unless having sex)

Intimacy while being tied

Intricate Courting Rituals

A is embarrassed by nesting urges; B joins in to help them feel less self-conscious

Knot Edging

Knots stay inflated for at least an hour

Lactation During Heat

Lactation post-heat

Lactation During Heat

Lactation post-heat

Late blooming omega thought he was a beta until accidental pregnancy proved otherwise

Miscarriage

Nesting - Omega Embarrassed Over Being Caught Stealing Clothes For Nest

labor/birth is extremely difficult and painful for male omegas

Nesting With Kids

Omega addicted to being bred

omega experiencing intense heat squirts for the first time

Omega character is repulsed by alphas instead of attracted to them

Omega Builds Nest To Support Them While Heavily Pregnant So They Can Still Be Fucked Hard

Omega Coming Out Of Years-Long Mandatory Breeding Service Has To Learn To Live Again

omega feels safe around alpha

omega has overwhelming heats

Alpha Claims Omega Friend In Order To Protect Them From Public Use

Omega pretending to be alpha is revealed; alpha ship half thought their pining was hopeless

Omega recovering from abuse needs to call the shots during sex

omega is oblivious of their heat approaching until too late

Omega hero cuts short villain's monologue because they can feel a heat coming on

Omega traumatized by bad relationship with previous alpha

Omega Tries To Hide Their Status Due To Fear Of Discrimination

Omega Tries To Hide Their Status Due To Fear Of Rape

Omega unused to having a stable home surprised by sudden nesting instincts

Omega's first heat brought on early due to trauma

Omega's first heat delayed due to trauma

Omegas always get pregnant with multiples

Omegas Are Societally Obligated To Be Pregnant As Often As Possible

Pregnancy detected by scent

past discrimination victim accepting and embracing their secondary gender

plot happenings keep characters too busy to notice heat/rut coming on

Pregnancy

Protective alpha growling when they don’t like how their mate is treated

Scent Compatibility

Scenting/marking/nuzzling pregnant belly

Smelling Distress Of Their Omega Turns Alpha Feral

Scenting - "platonic" snuggling because your friend smells really comforting

Scenting in moments of distress to calm down

Stealth Scent Marking While Pining

Tired Teacher(s) Dealing With A/B/O Issues On Top of The Usual Teenage Hormones

Trying for a baby when wrong partner gets pregnant

Birth Quota - Omegas must birth at least one litter per year

A/B/O Worldbuilding

a/b/o courtship traditions

a/b/o pack dynamics

Alpha brings Omega resources to build nest

A/B/O Regency

alpha builds a nest for the omega

Alpha burdened by an emotional need to protect everyone

alpha cares for injured omega after bad run-in with another alpha

DYSTOPIA AU: ALL-INCLUSIVE. SELF-EXPLANATORY: THE CHARACTERS LIVE IN A DYSTOPIA, AND THESE ARE TAGS THAT CAN BE INCLUDED IN THAT. I DON’T HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR WHICH PAIRING THESE TAGS ARE USED FOR.

Alpha Sabotages Omega's Hormone Suppressors To Punish Them

Alpha shares omega partner with other alphas

alpha slut-shames omega in heat

omega is oblivious of their heat approaching until too late

Alpha/omega rape during heats is socially acceptable and not seen as rape

Alphas Are Common and Omegas Are Rare

Alphas Fight Each Other To Win The Right To Fuck Omega In Heat

alphas get dangerously rough during intense ruts

alphas get off watching omegas give birth

Artificially Induced Heat/Rut

birth control tampering

Birth Quota - Alphas must sire at least one litter per year

Birth Quota - Omegas must birth at least one litter per year

Omega Coming Out Of Years-Long Mandatory Breeding Service Is Cared For By Others

Breeding benches

Breeding as a punishment for a crime

Breeding Kink

Catboy Omegaverse

Childbirth

fake relationship - rules require omega to have an alpha

Claimed omegas are legally seen as the alpha's property

discrimination based on secondary gender

dystopian au - family units (etc) are assigned by the government

Enemies to Breeding Partners to Lovers

Foreign Omega Brought To Society Where All Omegas Are Available For Public Use

Heat inducement as a punishment

Heat/rut is physically painful (unless having sex)

government assigned marriages between alphas and omegas to encourage birth rate

Heat/Rut Inducers Used as Roofies

Knot Edging

Knots stay inflated for at least an hour

Lactation - Drugs To Make Omega Lactate Whenever Their Alpha Wants

Lactation During Heat

Lactation post-heat

Law can seize 'rebellious' omegas at any point for corrective public use

medical experiment to turn beta into omega

Miscarriage

labor/birth is extremely difficult and painful for male omegas

omega experiencing intense heat squirts for the first time

Omega character is repulsed by alphas instead of attracted to them

omega forced to beg for knot

Omega freedom fighters in Handmaid's Tale-esque dystopia

Omega Coming Out Of Years-Long Mandatory Breeding Service Has To Learn To Live Again

omega considered property during trade negotiations

omega forced to beg to be bred

omega gets fucked and knotted immediately after giving birth

omega given to alpha as a political favor

omega has overwhelming heats

Omega has suppressant medication sabotaged

Omega recovering from abuse needs to call the shots during sex

Omega traumatized by bad relationship with previous alpha

Omega Tries To Hide Their Status Due To Fear Of Discrimination

Omega Tries To Hide Their Status Due To Fear Of Rape

Omega unused to having a stable home surprised by sudden nesting instincts

Omega's first heat brought on early due to trauma

Omega's first heat delayed due to trauma

Omegas always get pregnant with multiples

Omega rights activist worries they have betrayed their cause by falling for an alpha

Omega Who’s Avoided The Lottery-Based Breeding Houses For Years Finally Has Their Number Called

Omegas Are Considered The Property Of Their Alphas

Omegas are rare and highly valued for breeding purposes

Omegas are kept as pets

Omegas in heat are available for free use

Omegas in Heat Are Placed in Stocks for Public Use

Pregnancy detected by scent

past discrimination victim accepting and embracing their secondary gender

plot happenings keep characters too busy to notice heat/rut coming on

Pregnancy

Protective alpha growling when they don’t like how their mate is treated

Public Breeding Benches

State Mandated Fertility Program Matches Characters To Mate

Stirrups

Speculum

public childbirth

sadistic alphas

prolonged unsatisfied heat leaves character physically weak

Rape as a socially-accepted form of omega punishment

soldier comes home and is given an omega mate as a thank you for their service

spanking as a socially-accepted form of omega punishment

Unexpected/chemically induced heat causes Omega character to rely on enemy to help them through it

Unknown paternity after public use results in pregnancy

Virginity inspection

Unaccompanied Omegas Are Available For Free Use

Unbearable Heats Calmed by God as Stock Trope in Hagiography

Unclaimed Omegas Are Available For Free Use

Alpha Pair Who Wants Children Hires An Omega To Bear Their Child(ren)

Alpha Publically Mounts Omega To Solidify Political Treaty

Alpha determined to break a rebellious omega

Alpha Pair Who Wants Children Purchases An Omega To Breed

Alpha Sabotages Omega's Heat Blockers

Birth Quota - Omegas must birth at least one litter per year

'Ruined' Omegas Who Have Sex Before Marriage Are Tied Up In The Middle of Town For Anyone To Fuck

HEAT SMUT: ALL INCLUSIVE. SELF-EXPLANATORY. I DON’T HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR WHICH PAIRING THESE TAGS ARE USED FOR.

Alpha worries about hurting omega with knot/omega desperate to be filled with come

alphas have obnoxious amounts of come

Alphas Fight Each Other To Win The Right To Fuck Omega In Heat

alphas get dangerously rough during intense ruts

Breeding Kink

Catboy Omegaverse

Character loses/runs out of heat/rut suppressing drugs

Character thinks nesting is ridiculous - does it anyway

characters notice heat/rut coming on but plot happenings keep them too busy to do anything about it

Childbirth

Compatible Alpha in close quarters induces heat in omega

Exhausted post-heat cuddles

Come Inflation - Alpha's knot lasting much longer than Omega expected/prepared for

Extremely Horny Pregnant Omega

Going into heat during most inoppurtune momemts

Going into heat while on run from authorities really inconvenient

gentle alpha

Intimacy while being tied

A is embarrassed by nesting urges; B joins in to help them feel less self-conscious

Knot Edging

Knots stay inflated for at least an hour

Lactation - Drugs To Make Omega Lactate Whenever Their Alpha Wants

Lactation During Heat

Lactation post-heat

Nesting - Omega Embarrassed Over Being Caught Stealing Clothes For Nest

Nesting With Kids

Omega addicted to being bred

omega begs to be knotted by their alpha

Omega being fucked full until the come spills out despite the knot

omega experiencing intense heat squirts for the first time

Omega Builds Nest To Support Them While Heavily Pregnant So They Can Still Be Fucked Hard

omega has overwhelming heats

Omega has suppressant medication sabotaged

Omega recovering from abuse needs to call the shots during sex

Omega in heat fights off Alphas to discern who is worthy to breed them

Omega in heat is irresistible to monsters

Omega in heat is receptive to being impregnated by monsters

omega is oblivious of their heat approaching until too late

Omega hero cuts short villain's monologue because they can feel a heat coming on

Omega's first heat brought on early due to trauma

Omega's first heat delayed due to trauma

Omega's Have Pregnancy Heats As A Way To Bond With Their Alpha When Already Pregnant

Omegas always get pregnant with multiples

Omegas Are Societally Obligated To Be Pregnant As Often As Possible

Omegas have band that locks on knot - it’s an extra erogenous zone

omegas have penises and vulvas

Post-Heat hormones cause healing slick - makes omegas extra tight after heat

Pregnant male omegas lactate

pregnant omegas are insatiably horny

Pregnant Sex

plot happenings keep characters too busy to notice heat/rut coming on

Public Breeding Benches

prolonged unsatisfied heat leaves character physically weak

Scent Compatibility - smelling very compatible alpha post-exercise sends omega into surprise heat

Sex to induce labor

Size Kink - big knot barely fits

Specialised sex hotels for heats/ruts

Strong empowered omega in a dominant social position still loves getting fucked/knotted/pregnant

Soothing touch starved character with comforting or sexy touches

Alpha brings Omega resources to build nest

(Those tags were copied and pasted directly from their entries in the tag collection. If there are typos, that is why.)

Did you read through all of that shit? If so, you deserve an award, lol. Regardless, I believe I’ll love whatever you create, so thank you in advance for your gift fic!

EDIT (09/06/21): Evidently I put in my request while tags were still being added. Whoops. Here are some of the new ones that I like:

- Character in denial over pregnancy that is obvious to everyone around them

- Character can't keep hands off of pregnant partner's baby bump

- Pregnant character is overdue and cranky about it

- Doting on pregnant partner

- Friends with benefits while pining further complicated by accidental pregnancy (This would be really compatible with Otayuri, lol)

- Character didn't know they were in heat until partner already came inside leading to pregnancy scare

- First time sex leads to pregnancy despite character not even being in heat when it happened

- Character swore they would never get pregnant again after series of miscarriages - has happier ending this time (I feel like this could be really fun with the canon-typical dystopia that Galolio comes from, but it works well for both)

- Preparing for birth of first child

- Couple thought family was complete until surprise third or fourth pregnancy proved otherwise (I love it when Otayuri just keeps having babies (but only like four at the most). Like, “fuck, you’re having twins AGAIN? You’re going to have four kids now. Good luck, lol.”)

- A gave birth to first child so B gets to have second (B would be Yuri or Lio)

- Pregnancy announcement - friends and family assume other character is the pregnant one (I’m not sure how easily used this one would be, because I feel like in both pairings, people would expect Lio and Yuri to be the pregnant ones, but I liked this tag so I included it. Because it’s fun, and that’s reason enough, right? xD)

- Tabloid reveal of baby bump causes scandal (Works well for both fandoms; YOI because paparazzi, and Promare because “omg, the famous government official and kind of reformed arson terrorist Lio Fotia is pregnant? WHAT?”)

15 notes · View notes

thenexusofsouls · 3 years

Note

Flock- what is your muse's family like? How do they get along with them? (Tony)

Eagle- is your muse courageous or cowardly? What might cause them to act in the opposite manner, if anything? (Ethan)

Sparrow- what artistic or creative hobbies does your muse have? What is their favorite or most treasured creation? (Natasha)

Cardinal- how does your muse recover from strong emotions? How do they recouperate? (Michael)

{i am the caretaker of souls} This got long, haha, so I’ll put it under a cut.

Flock- what is your muse's family like? How do they get along with them? (Tony)

So... Tony’s relationships with various members of his family are complicated and not always positive, but the following five people mean the most to him, and with each of them, he’s tried to do the right thing at least at some point in his life. With some it worked better than others, for varying reasons, but I’ll focus on these and describe his relationship with them a little:

Father, Howard Stark: Oh boy. Where do I begin. There was so much wrong with Tony’s relationship with his dad. Both of them were incredibly intelligent and very arrogant, and that caused a huge ego clash between them, but for different reasons. Howard never felt that Tony lived up to his expectations as a son, although half the time he didn’t really give him half a chance or bother to notice when Tony did do something productive, constructive, good, noteworthy, etc. Tony wanted his father’s love, attention, and approval, but often went about it the wrong away, trying to stand out with bad behavior rather than positive achievements. Whenever they met in the middle and could have had a chance at bonding, the two of them were so defensive or closed off that they just couldn’t open up to each other. This never really got resolved, and then Howard was killed, so Tony was left with not only a huge hole in his heart from the love he felt he never really got from Howard, but also an emotional wound that would never have any closure.

Mother, Maria Stark: Tony loved his mother to bits, although when he was younger he often pretended like she worried to much and sometimes smothered him. From Maria, Tony got the love he felt he never got from his dad, but it was almost too easy. She just gave it unconditionally, and in some ways that offset what he wasn’t getting from his dad so much more because of the dramatic contrast in how his parents treated him. She was the softer, forgiving, understanding, encouraging parents in contrast to Howard’s aloof, distant, businesslike fathering. She was the one person in his life that he felt safe going to in any kind of vulnerable way, and losing her left Tony feeling very alone and isolated in a way he couldn’t express to other people... so he bottled it all up.

Girlfriend/Wife, Pepper Potts: Ugh. This relationship, in my opinion, was terrible and toxic. He was distant, defensive, and he abused alcohol to an extreme. Also he put her in danger either by accident or inadvertently with things he said or did. His communication was never the greatest and his coping mechanisms were unhealthy at best. She shamed Tony for his trauma responses as if they were personality flaws he should be ashamed of (scattered memory, nightmares, panic attacks, etc.), used walking out on him as a threat and emotional weapon against him whenever she just didn’t feel like dealing with him, and often was not there for him when he needed her. But... Tony genuinely loved her and something must have been good enough for both of them for them to want to make it work, and somehow, eventually, it did. I think once Tony knew he wasn’t going to lose her (the threat of her always just wanting to leave really kept him on edge in a way that was damaging to his mental health), he calmed down and some of his behaviors and coping mechanisms actually got better, which then in turn made Pepper want to stay with him and work it out, so those two things fed off each other in a positive way. Her actually marrying him brought about an emotional stability Tony never had before, both within himself and in a relationship. He settled down considerably after that and was much more stable mentally once he had her full support. He loves her with all his heart and there isn’t much he wouldn’t do for her.

Older Daughter, Carter Stark: This is going to sound terrible, haha, so I’ll preface it by saying that Tony loves Carter immensely. She’s his daughter and all he wants to do is keep her safe and make sure she has the best life she can. But... in many ways, she’s also a symbol of some of the worst times in his life, some of the worst things about himself, and some of the worst things he’s ever done. He slept around, he let people down, he got people killed, he wasn’t there for the ones he loved, etc. She reminds him of a lot of things about himself that he wishes weren’t true or didn’t happen. Her existence has also made him wonder on many occasions whether he might have other children whose mothers never knew he was the father or chose not to even inform him. He loves her, as I said, but there’s also just this aching pain and guilt he feels with her that he didn’t do enough for her, didn’t protect her well, or even that her life might have been better had she not known him. Some of that is his own anxiety telling him things that aren’t true, but some of it is due to events that happened that he knows have affected Carter’s mental health that Tony feels responsible for, either through his own actions or by the company he kept at the time. So Carter reminds Tony of the worst, lowest, and most broken aspects of himself, and I think that will always cause him to believe that he was a terrible father to her. He’s spent many hours wishing that he had done more for her in some way and had been able to be a better father than Howard was to him.

Younger Daughter, Morgan Stark: If Carter is a symbol of how bad a father he could be and some of Tony’s worst qualities, the Morgan is a symbol of the best he could be. Morgan in many ways is Tony’s redemption. Other people outside looking in might say his actions during Endgame were redeeming, or that he had moments before that throughout the franchise that helped redeem parts of him along the way, but in Tony’s mind, Morgan is his redemption. She’s what happens when he does things right. Carter helped contribute to this because he didn’t want to make the same mistakes he made with her, and he sought to correct as many as he could. His own father also contributed because Tony had a big example of the kind of father he never wanted to be, and he tried to avoid that at all costs. Stepping back from the Avengers and focusing on his marriage and being a father to his daughters was far better for his mental health, even with the guilt and sadness of everyone’s failure in Infinity War. So the years during which he raised Morgan were Tony’s most stable and healthy as far as his own mental state. If he was ever concerned about the legacy he would leave - and he was - he knew he was leaving something pure and positive behind after his death, whenever it might be, with Morgan.

Eagle- is your muse courageous or cowardly? What might cause them to act in the opposite manner, if anything? (Ethan)

Ethan is actually pretty damn brave, considering he’s lived a number of years in fear. Before he entered into this nomadic lifestyle in an attempt to keep other people at a distance, he was protective of his friends and girlfriends. As he and his more recent girlfriend Kelly dealt with the creature infesting their house, there were many times when he was woken up in the middle of the night by her or suddenly startled by her screaming and had to get up and see what the problem was. He would always go on the offensive, investigating with something held as a weapon, letting Kelly hide behind him. He was scared, but he wasn’t about to let her get hurt. The problem was, there wasn’t really anything he could do about it in the end.

When Ethan is by himself, it’s a different story. He’s willing to be that shield or put himself in danger to protect someone he cares about, but if it’s just him alone, he’s not stupid. He’s not looking to throw his life away for nothing. So when he’s alone, he’s a lot more attention to his self-preservation instincts.

Sparrow- what artistic or creative hobbies does your muse have? What is their favorite or most treasured creation? (Natasha)

Dancing. Specifically ballet dancing. Allow me to explain. You might think that she’d never want to touch pointe shoes again with how ballet was used against her in the Red Room. It was used as a conditioning tool, both for its strenuous and physical demands and difficult skillset necessary to master it, but also for other typical brainwashing techniques it provides, such as the use of repetition, association through music, and creating a sense of isolation through competition with others around you. However, something weird happened after Natasha defected to SHIELD. She started to dance for herself. She only did it when alone, sometimes with music but often times without any. Somehow, she took this thing that had been used against her and made it her own. It became a source of comfort, almost like the dancing itself had been a wounded friend, and somehow by only doing it privately and emotionally, she was helping it to be something more positive every bit as much as it was helping her heal.

While dancing, Natasha lets her mind wander. She allows herself to feel things she doesn’t express to others. At several points in her life when things hurt her emotionally, she took time out to dance. Such as when Wanda dredged up memories of the Red Room in her mind, when Bruce left her, and often during the years between Infinity War and Endgame. As far as hat her most treasured creation is... I suppose it isn’t something solid she can hold in her hands, but every time she dances, she feels like she’s created something good. And I would definitely say it’s treasured because it’s cathartic for her and helps her to feel whole and less anxious, and there's incredible value in that for her.

Cardinal- how does your muse recover from strong emotions? How do they recouperate? (Michael)

Since the word “recover” is being used, I’m assuming the strong emotions in question are negative ones? Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, those sorts of things? Typically, he needs to take a step back and be quiet and/or alone for a time to reset himself. Michael does have a temper, and he does feel emotions like sadness and grief very strongly, so sometimes he needs to step back and make sure that he doesn’t make any rash decisions based off of emotion. Quiet prayer usually helps, but if not that then just sitting quietly alone for a time, preferably out in nature somewhere, usually serves to reset his internal composure and steady his mind. Michael doesn’t like to act impulsively or in anger, so if he feels himself about to do that, he usually steps away. The one exception is when someone he cares about is in danger, then he might act on his protective instincts. Regret follows, but again, he finds prayer to be comforting to him in those types of moments.

#{ i am the caretaker of souls } ᵒᵒᶜ #headcanons #muse: michael #muse: ethan cavender #muse: tony stark #muse: natasha romanoff

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loominggaia · 3 years

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Your asks got me on a tear and now I feel like there’s enough of us to form the Lukas Defense Squad(tm)

OKAY HEAR ME OUT

Lukas has done some seriously nasty shit in this series, and I’m not trying to brush that off. Off the top of my head, he...

Talks rudely to his crew, calls them names and belittles them on a regular basis.

Punished Isaac by hitting him with a belt or slapping him on multiple occasions

Apparently got blackout drunk and tried to attack Evan with a hatchet (y i k e s)

Got jealous when Evan started dating his brother and tried to sabotage their relationship

Murdered his own mother (I mean, she had it coming, but still...)

Hired a hitman to kill Zeffer (He was trying to protect his crew, but there were waaay better ways to handle the situation and he took the shittiest route possible)

Would have left Isaac in the Trial of Titans if it were up to him

Also victim-blamed Isaac when he was assaulted by a nymph

There’s probably some other stuff I’m forgetting, but the point is, he’s a prick.

HOWEVER. Let’s not forget that he also...

Saved Sofia’s slave girl from the crazy overseer that wanted to beat her to death

When he thought Evan was dying, he chose to stay in the skorpius’ dungeon with him and comfort him in his final moments

Left his whole kingdom and crown behind to save Itanya from bandits. Was also willing to live as a Kaconenan slave for her.

Performed a nasty surgery to save Evan’s life, despite only knowing him for a week and being scared shitless of him

Calmed Jeimos down during their panic attack in “Knowledge and Power”

Also helped Jeimos clean up their house after the fire

Sketches his friends when he’s bored

Made an honest effort to reconcile with his brother

Made an hours-long trip to bring Itchy home when the satyr was drunk off his ass

Saved Isaac when he almost fell out of a tree

Acknowledged that he’s mentally unwell and actively takes steps to work on himself, even though it’s painful for him

Rushed Glenvar to the clinic when his appendix burst and even stayed there with him during the surgery

Fully supported and encouraged Evan while he reconciled with his family

Offered Lilian food and was overall just really kind to her when she showed up in the Hollow

Held a baby wolf puppy in his arms and reluctantly fell in love with it

Broke into the World Fucking Athenaeum to bust Evan out of Lendon’s lab

Went to Rodanga with Balthazaar, helped his niece learn Galsungi, and risked serious legal repercussions by helping his family when he really didn’t have to

Rescued several villagers as the Hollow was burning down

Felt huge remorse after what he did to Zeffer and did everything in his power to make it up to him

There clearly IS a good person in there. It’s just buried under layers of trauma and abuse that made him behave coldly as a defense mechanism. Because let’s also not forget, Lukas survived the following...

Unhinged, psychopathic mother who was verbally, physically, and psychologically abusive to him

An emotionally detached, uncaring father

Months of enslavement to Kaconenans, where he was worked to the point of exhaustion every day in the hot sun

Enslaved by bandits immediately after, where he was beaten and gang raped on a regular basis, also nearly starved to death

Literally died and then brought back to life twice. Both deaths were violent and terrifying

Accidentally killed his best friend and lover, and had to watch her die in his arms, forever living with the guilt knowing it was his fault

All of this crap happened before he even reached 25 years old

When you take all that crazy stuff into account, it’s like...yeah, no shit he acts the way he does. The dude’s scared 24/7. He’s sad and angry, burdened by guilt, riddled with anxiety, and literally doesn’t sleep. No one ever taught him how to be kind, he’s slowly learning that on his own as an adult. He’s had to be mean his whole life because showing any sign of “weakness” would have gotten him killed.

I could go on about this forever but I just want to say I’m thrilled that other people can see passed Lukas’ crusty exterior and appreciate him for who he really is inside. :’)

TL;DR: in this house we love and appreciate Lukas Fanaka

#discussion #funstuff

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smelllikeholyhell-blog · 5 years

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Analysis of abuse

I told myself that this is where I was going to use this site to do my B I G A N G E R Y P O S T I N G so I might as well stay true to it.

Editing in some precursor TWs: I detail acts of abuse, sexual assault and manipulation below with the intent of analysing what allows those things such prevalence in society. If that’s uncomfortable for you I respect that and wish you a good evening/day : )

Through recent events in my life, developments concurrent with my own ability to criticise myself being at its highest, I’ve started reevaluating a lot of what behaviour is and isn’t abusive. This is predictably an incredibly uninspiring and unproductive exercise, most abusive behaviour is actually just abusive behaviour. But in paying attention to the attitude, aftermath and the vigour of abuse from abusers seems to dictate more than the actual behaviour itself.

Hot take for the post: All people will be guilty of abuse at some point or another in a relationship, and unknowing abuse is still abuse.

I’ve said this to a lot of people and it feels like almost all of them become apprehensive and feel a need to guard themselves and their friends in that situation. A few lines of reasoning appear; What about mentally ill people? What about when your partner won’t communicate abuse? What about in early relationships where you actually couldn’t know better? What about when the person has no control?

At the end of the day abuse is one thing and one thing only and that is the mistreatment of something or someone. I think an important standard to have set for yourself in your personal relationships--or at least a healthy and safe one--is to be able to identify patterns of abuse where they are. An important secondary one is to be able to identify the source of that abuse.

Some trauma victims engage in abusive behaviours as a way of meeting a standard of self-protective coping they’ve developed for themselves. I can say that their intentions aren’t even predominantly bad, just self-sufficient in the ways they’ve learned how to be. I can attest to that personally and also say that it’s something I’m working on. I have found myself doing strange things in fits of panic, things that are extremely worrying too. I can also say that almost every one of my significant others has, at some point or another, engaged in abusive behaviour of varying severity ranging from sexual violence and physical violence to a downright flagrant manipulation of emotion.

I’ve had exes try and separate me from my entire social life. I’ve had exes accuse me of things they themselves have done to me. I’ve had exes try their absolute hardest to convince me to commit suicide after a breakup, or sometimes close to one. Contrary to those actions; I would not consider all of them to be abusers.

I think a differential classification between abusers and people who engage in abusive behaviour is slight, pedantic and something I’ve done mostly to benefit myself but I also believe my reasoning behind it is sound. I believe an abuser is someone who engages in abusive behaviour with the added circumstance of no remorse, no willingness to change, or a complete indifference to how they’ve treated someone else.

I have two anecdotes I can use to separate these two types of people:

In 2013 I dated a girl named S, she was extremely sweet, very cute, and had a habit of emotional manipulation. She would buy affection and feel entitled to sexual interaction afterwards, if she didn’t get it a fight would ensue. When I explained to her that I was depressed she’s condescendingly disregard my state of being and respond that I’m “Always depressed, and pretty bad to be around like that”. I would consider that strong of an amount of emotional neglect, coupled with the desire to purchase the ‘right kind of partner’ to be abusive. I would, however, not consider her to be an abuser. Years later I presented her with what she had said to me, how she treated me, the precedents she set in that relationship, and told her I found it abusive. Her reaction was one of legitimate guilt, an actual desire to make things right. Over a few months I saw her actually change as a person slowly but surely, she didn’t just internalise that she had done something wrong (a distinguishing moral characteristic that separates abusers from people who inadvertently engage in abuse); she sought to fix the personality traits and habits that led to that pattern of behaviour. We had disagreements and a falling out anyway but that happens! And it’s okay. Not everyone you don’t like in this world is abusive, sometimes you both look at each other and just think “wow what an asshole” and stop talking.

My second anecdote is extremely recent, fresh in my mind, and one that can showcase what I did wrong too.

In 2018 I dated a boy named T. T raped me. T gaslighted me. T hit me, spit in my face, mocked me for being neurodivergent, mentally ill, having an ED, and for my history of self-harm. He enabled the abuse of other people around me too, for example his sister who would verbally abuse or berate me any time I came into contact with her.

Before I go any further into this anecdote let me explain what I did wrong too, that’s fair and I’m mature enough to work on my problems and also admit to them openly; In that relationship I was insulting. When an argument was started and an insult was thrown my way I wouldn’t just double down on retaliation I would metaphorically nuke the opposition out of existence. It took one or two insults to set me off to a degree that I feel incredibly guilty for, and had no right reaching. I yelled a lot, in my family we do nothing but yell and for all that I like to tell myself that I’m better than my family, more often than not that isn’t true. In arguments I would yell and I would shout in situations where a calm tone of voice not only was doable but was outright beneficial. I had issues with respecting personal space which is made even worse by the fact that at the age of 21 I’ve spent 14 years trying to cultivate the most dominant and intimidating physical presence in the room at any given point in time. I internalised reactions to abuse and turned them into different forms of abuse. I would make A feel trapped in some spaces, my physical demeanour would come off threatening. This is something I can happily say I rectified over the course of that relationship once it was brought to my attention but I still have no excuse for my behaviour, and will never do anything but admit to it wholly.

Let’s return to him, though; During an argument one day where I mentioned feeling a lot of disdain towards T for how he’d treated me, he pointedly asked “What did I ever do to you?”.

The response you could guess was coming; You raped me.

T’s response, significantly harder to guess but one that still haunts me to this moment: “I could tell people the same thing about you, how would you like it?”. In this relationship not only had T sexually assaulted me twice, coerced me into sex I didn’t want a half dozen other times, and made me extremely unsafe around him. He knew I’d been abused as a child. Not only abused, but disbelieved as well. When reporting the abuse of a close family friend to my family I was called a liar. I was smacked by my mother. Over the course of a long conversation that I don’t particularly want to remember the details of I was told that one day someone would say the same thing about me and I “wouldn’t like it too much then”. T knows this. T knows this and several different points in time he made it his mission to exploit that knowledge.

This sent me into a panic attack which resulted in T leaving for a week.

When he left, I went to a nonbinary support group we frequent and asked an organiser for help. I wanted him blocked from returning to that environment because I wanted to begin cutting him out of my life as quickly and efficiently as possible. I needed him gone, so I told an organiser everything that had happened. They said okay. That they believed me. But that they were going to contact T to tell him what was up.

As you can imagine I said: or how about fucking don’t, dude. This was ignored. T was contacted. He returned and began 6 months of cruel manipulation. He would trigger PTSD episodes, panic attacks, he’d hit me, yell at me and after all of this he would play the role of victim no matter what happened. Even if the retaliation was just me saying “You’re being abusive” this was somehow, in his mind, an act of aggression. These would become more flagrant around friends, in isolated situation with specific people. He’d started trying to divide me from my friends. Doing nothing with me but then constantly taking every opportunity to demand that I separate myself from my friends. Any situation that could be twisted into my friends being the ones making me unhappy would result in me being told I shouldn’t talk to them anymore, if I railed against that it would result in an argument where I was mocked for being mentally ill or neurodivergent. This sounds like hyperbole but this was a consistent pattern over the course of six months as well as a pattern of physical abuse and sexual coercion and manipulation.

Many, many more things happened but this isn’t an autobiography. The reason I give such excruciating detail to T’s behaviour is that he never felt remorse for any of it. Never changed any of it. When it came time to face the repercussions of what he’d done, T flipped it on me to the best of his ability. He took great strides to make me look abusive, to make me look deranged or unstable. I would consider T, regardless of his excuses and manipulation (or perhaps because of them) to be the quintessential abuser. Someone whose pattern of abuse is so hardwired into their daily existence that they see it as natural, that anyone disagreeing or disavowing that behaviour is the abuser. Even when confronted with the facts of their behaviour not only are things just not their fault the abuser says that those behaviours are healthy. That the victim is wrong. That nothing can be done, or if it can be done it’ll take so many years.

We can draw these lines in the sand as much as we want but let’s ask ourselves what contributes to these systems?

In T and I’s relationship we had a mutual friend named X; X always had excuses for T. Because T was afab, and I was not. If T was hitting me, slapping me and screaming at me I was expected to just leave, even if there was no option. If I hit T back once to get away I was immediately the abuser. Why? Because T was afab. And I am not. If T raped me while I slept it was because, well, in X’s words “consent is such a grey area”. Between this, the unconditional support from a twin sibling with a bone to pick, and a stunning lack of resources and social acceptance for amab people who are victims of abuse. It isn’t difficult to stretch our imagination to such an extent that we can see what causes this system. Because it takes no imagination, the contributing factors to this are laid out plain and bare in front of us; Only about half of abuse victims are seen as valid. And even more so, less than half of abuse types are valid. Sexual entitlement is a fundamental part of all cultures where men are present, be they trans or cis. Sexual entitlement removes the need and steps of obtaining consent while in a relationship because it is seen as “natural”. “Of course your significant other wants to have sex with you 24/7! And if you want it you should take it! Don’t even ask, champ, just go out there and grab it”. This attitude lends a toxic credence to the belief that consent is a “grey area”. It isn’t. Consent is a yes or no question, if you can’t get a yes or a no then do nothing.That’s final.

Just as well, the psychological aspect of physical abuse is completely unspoken of around amab people. Amab people know what they face if they retaliate to abuse. We know what the response from the legal system is. We know what repercussions we face if we defend ourselves, if we retaliate, if we leave. I know how I look in the eyes of the world, and no amount of being a pacifist will dethrone the birthright of complacency and resilience I’ve inherited. If I am hit I “deal with it, not like it could hurt that much” (spoiler; it does, physically and mentally). If I’m shoved “he’s so small, it’s not like he could send you flying”(spoiler; not the point and he has knocked me down).

And this is just what I can vouch for as an AMAB person myself, I am completely unable to even imagine what AFAB people have to put up with. But the psychological aspect of being hit, shoved, screamed at, degraded and raped and at the end of it all just being told “Well it’s not that bad really” destroyed me. It broke my will to leave my abuser. There is a social and political structure in place to demand a level of resilience from people that they cannot feasibly provide based solely on how they were born. In an equal society, or any society that strives to BE equal, we cannot expect that from anyone. We cannot expect victims of abuse to suffer their abuse and continue happily singing their song. When we place that expectation on anyone. When we place an expectation of “Don’t hit back” on anyone. When we place an expectation of “don’t ask for help” on anyone. We have all contributed a significant amount to perpetuating systems and structures that churn out abusers at a remarkable and terrifying pace, with remarkable and terrifying success. The continued existence of people like R. Kelly and Chris Brown is enough proof anyone could ask for that the current systems that have existed up until this point serve a multi function; To enable abusers the full control and automation they need to perform any abusive acts they could want to perform. To face no repercussions in the aftermath of that abuse, be they social and or political. And instill a deep sense of unequaled fear in the victims of abuse who seek to escape their situations.

When we fail to distinguish the difference between an abuser and a person making an abusive mistake--When we fail to distinguish an abuser with the appropriate connotations applied to their actions. We have opened the door for them to pass undetected through everyday life. Unless there is a significant and unified focus on deconstructing and disabling the perpetuated existed of structures that enable abuse, we have in turn enabled the continued presence and existence of abusers in safe spaces. We have enabled them to continue existing undetected in everyday life, unafraid of the consequences of their actions.

Think critically on systems of abuse and contribute where you can in dismantling them.

#abuse tw #rape #gaslighting

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real-life-pine-tree · 7 years

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Rehabilitation: Knight or Beast (5/?)

Side effects may include a loss of self-identity and individuality, frequent nightmares, questioning your own existence, severe mental trauma, constant panic attacks, spontaneous crying at random moments, and a strong desire to stay with loved ones at all cost. Co-written with @violetganache42. Takes place between Chapters 6 and 7 of Arc-V Aftermath.

The next morning, back at the Sakaki residence, Yuya and Yuto were both on the second floor getting ready for the weekend. After the fireworks show last night, the family decided their recently-discovered relative can have a sleepover with his cousin. Right now, Yuto was showering to freshen up and get rid of his bed head while Yuya had a bit of an empty stomach and hoped this wouldn't be similar to the day he dueled against Reed Pepper.

"Hey Yuya, can you hand me another bottle of shampoo?" Yuto asked.

"Shouldn't one bottle be enough?" Yuya asked as he washed his face and neck.

"No," Yuto answered. Then he proceeded to toss an empty bottle of shampoo out of the shower.

Yuya was surprised. "There was a third of shampoo left in there!" he pointed out.

"And I need a bit more," Yuto explained. "My hair is longer and thicker than yours, so I need more shampoo than what you normally use."

It was practically a never-ending shampoo issue for him. On the day of the LID dance, he had to use Yuya's shampoo brand because there wasn't any Spike and Curl; now that there were some for him, he uses the bottles up faster and uses a larger amount for his eggplant-shaped hair.

"Fine," Yuya said. He took out a bottle of Spike and Curl from the bathroom cabinet and tossed it to Yuto. "But this is the last bottle! Mom only bought two."

Using the last bottle, Yuto added a bit more of his shampoo to wash his hair and proceed with the rest of his shower. He usually showers in the morning and follows it up with brushing and blow-drying his naturally spiky hair so that it will look nice for the day. Yuya's routine was different in which he showers at night and combs his hair in the morning to untangle any knots that may have formed when he was sleeping.

When Yuya was done washing up, he proceeded to comb his hair. While that was going on, Yuto had finished with his shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower. He then plugged in a hairdryer and proceeded to brush/blow-dry his hair.

"Geez Yuto, doesn't that seem a little too much?" Yuya asked.

"Not for me," Yuto clarified. "My hair is much thicker than yours, so I need to properly maintain it on a constant basis."

Yuya always preferred combing because he felt like hairdryers make his hair…flatter and straighter. Of course, it wasn't as thick and spiky as Yuto's, but it sure is soft and fluffy. Heck, their contrasting textures and colors pretty much gave them their different physical appearances yet so many people couldn't tell the two apart for a while…that is until Alex noticed Yuya's hairstyle and mistook it for a wig, marking the end of the color blind situation among the Yu-Salad.

Yuya chuckled at the memory, which Yuto quickly noted. "What's so funny?" the XYZ Duelist asked.

"I was thinking about when I first met Alex," Yuya said. "He thought my hair was a wig."

"That's not surprising," Yuto said. He turned off the hairdryer and brushed his now-dry hair into place. "Alex is one of my close friends. He can easily recognize my hair in an instant. He even calls me 'eggplant head'."

"Kinda like how Sora calls me 'tomato head'?" Yuya asked, placing his comb on the bathroom counter and finger-combing his hair to help emphasize the fluffiness.

"I guess," Yuto answered.

Now that he thought about it, his other two counterparts may have also been given nicknames based on their food-like hairstyles. He knows Yugo often gets called a moron, but how often does he get called "banana bangs"? What about Yuri? He was bound to be referred to as "cabbage head" by someone, but they only recently met after Yuya's revival; Yuto wasn't counting the duel prior to Zarc's return because he was fully corrupted by the darkness and it caused him to assist his Fusion and Synchro counterparts in convincing Yuya to reuniting as one again. Regardless, he wasn't entirely sure if Yuri has been called "cabbage head" at all since he and Celina are practically rivals at this point.

"By the way, mom got some new clothes for you," Yuya said.

Yuto was surprised to hear that. "When?" he asked, finishing with brushing his hair.

"After she found out you're her nephew," Yuya answered as he ruffled his own hair a bit. "I hope you don't mind wearing some Pendulum Dimension-native outfits."

"Of course not," Yuto said. "I could use a change in style."

Yuya's new clothes consist of a white t-shirt containing an orange diamond overlapping a light blue square and a pair of dark greenish pants with a lighter chartreuse stripe around the waist that contain medium greenish strings that tie and help give support to the pants. Yuto's were incorporated of a light gray tanktop, a dark gray, short-sleeved, button-up shirt, and dark jeans with a black belt.

When the cousins got dressed in Yuya's room, Yuto was satisfied with his new look. "Not bad," he said, looking at his reflection in the mirror as he adjusted his glasses. "I could get used to Pendulum Dimension fashion."

"That's the spirit!" Yuya cheerfully said. "Now come on, mom made fresh pancakes and I don't want Sora eating all of it."

The two cousins left Yuya's room. "Why does Sora live here now?" Yuto asked. "And why is he your adopted brother?"

"Funny story," Yuya replied. "After the whole Zarc thing, everyone returned to their home dimensions, but Sora admitted that he doesn't have any memories of his birth family. So mom got Leo to sign some adoption papers and now Sora is part of the Sakaki family."

Yuto never knew about this information; Celina and Yuri didn't have memories of their families, but that was because they became existent after Ray and Zarc split. How come Sora doesn't have memories of the Perse family if he wasn't a reincarnation?

"What happened to his memories?" Yuto asked.

"I'm not really sure," Yuya admitted. "He said his first memory was waking up in a lab. He doesn't have any memories prior to joining Duel Academy. Apparently that was part of the previous student registration program before Leo changed it."

Leo initially wanted to have all the new students' memories erased because he wanted to mold them into loyal—albeit ruthless for a selected few—soldiers capable of assisting him in bringing back the Original Dimension by carding people to fuel ARC-V. The last thing anyone needed was to think of their loved ones.

"That would explain why Sora apparently became attached to your m- I-I mean, Aunt Yoko," Yuto said. "He probably doesn't even remember what his mom looks like."

"Probably," Yuya agreed as he approached the pole he normally uses to get downstairs.

Yuto noticed the pole as well. "Couldn't we take the stairs?" he asked.

"Yeah, but this way is more fun," Yuya answered. He grabbed onto the pole and placed both hands on it before wrapping his legs around it and sliding down with Yuto watching on.

"You want me to go down that pole?" Yuto asked.

"Yep!" Yuya happily replied.

Yuto has never went down a pole in his life; heck, it was rather a bit peculiar that a house like this would even have one. "Alright..." he said, carefully grabbing onto the pole.

Yuto's hands got a firm grip, but his legs wouldn't move. He looked down to see Yuya had already made it to the first floor; although his worry of landing on top of him was the least of his problem, he couldn't quite figure out how to wrap his legs around without losing his balance or fumbling.

"Come on, Yuto!" Yuya encouraged. "Take a step forward and jump!"

Yuto took a deep breath, then he wrapped his legs around the pole and closed his eyes. He felt a slight gust coming from below him, causing him to open one of his eyes. He took a look at his surroundings to see that he was in the living room. Stunned by what had just happened, both eyes opened wide, realizing he has successfully slid down a pole.

"Alright, you did it!" Yuya happily said, patting his cousin on the back.

Yuto couldn't help but chuckle at Yuya's enthusiasm. "Thank you," he said.

"Aw, you're welcome," Yuya said. "Now let's get some breakfast."

The two put on their usual sneakers and headed to the kitchen where they saw Sora had gotten a head start on breakfast; fortunately, Yoko was at the stove cooking up some more of her homemade pancakes.

"There you two are!" Sora said, drizzling some chocolate syrup on his plate of pancakes. "I thought I was gonna have to eat all these pancake all by myself."

Yuya noticed the kitchen was lacking a certain someone. "Where's dad?" he asked.

"He went to Heartland Duel School," Yoko answered. "They were some technical problems with the Action Duel lab, so they needed him to do some repairs."

"That's no surprise," Yuto said. "He did found the school."

"By the way, Yuto, Kameron Obsidian called me," Yoko added. "He wants to know when you'll be ready to move in."

Move in? Why? Why does Kameron want him to move in with the Obsidians? Was this about the job offer that he was accepted into? But then Yuto remembered that Shay and Lulu wanted him to move in with them during the LID dance. However, that was currently going to be a bit of a problem...

"Yuto?" Yuya asked, noticing his tensed expression. "You feeling alright?"

"I'm not sure," Yuto admitted. "Before the separation, I was looking forward to living with the Obsidians as I worked at their company." He glanced down at his new outfit. "But after spending time with this family, I'm not sure if that kind of environment is right for me."

"Come on, cuz," Yuya said. "You're already close with Shay and Lulu. You'll fit in just nicely."

"That's what you think," Yuto said. "Before the Invasion, it was hard to believe that Shay and Lulu come from a wealthy family. They're very down-to-earth and don't flaunt their wealth a lot. But what if that's how they act among non-wealthy people like myself?"

He has kept those thoughts hidden for quite some time now. Before Shay and Lulu transferred to Heartland Duel School, they attended an expensive private school called Heart Prep. What if the Obsidians boast about their wealth among the elite citizens and only act reasonable towards the middle class because they pity them about how they're not as rich as them?

Sora let out a laugh. "It's not funny!" Yuto exclaimed, his fists clenched tightly.

"No, but your overreaction is," Sora said once he calmed down. "There's gotta be a reason why Lulu fell in love with you."

"But I fell in love with her first," Yuto pointed out. "When I found out she and Shay are wealthy, I secretly doubted their motives. I don't call her a princess just because of her radiant beauty. It’s also because of her status. If we were in the medieval era, she would have been an actual princess."

"No wonder you snapped when we found out about the Fusion Parasites," Yuya said. "You kinda take this whole knight thing seriously."

Yuya was right; his cousin does take being knightly very seriously. Yuto was absolutely livid when he learned the Doktor implanted Fusion Parasites in Celina and especially Lulu and he wouldn't forgive Duel Academy for taking away his girlfriend's sweet smile and forced her into fusing with her counterparts against her free will. He was molded into who he was because he joined the dueling club and Shay instructed him to envision himself to be as brave, noble, and chivalrous as the Phantom Knights. Because of the Obsidians' high class lifestyle, he always felt like he was Lulu's knight in shining armor who will do anything to rescue and protect her.

"I'm not a big history fan, but don't knights ultimately marry princesses?" Yuya asked.

"Not quite," Yuto answered. "Only men who were originally born into nobility could marry royalty. Take Mary Tudor for example. She initially planned to marry a duke, but the marriage was done in secret and it wasn't until her first husband died of old age."

"Oh, Yuto..." Yoko said, having finished cooking this morning's batch of pancakes. "You don't think you deserve to marry Lulu?"

"Never," Yuto admitted as he and Yuya sat at the kitchen table.

Yuya helped himself to some pancakes. "You said you officially hooked up with her when you asked her to the Heartland Duel School dance," he recalled with his mouth full of pancake. He swallowed his mouthful. "And why else would her parents set up an arranged marriage for you two?"

"I honestly don't know," Yuto replied, putting a few pancakes on his plate. "But for all I know, I'm only a poor orphan to the Obsidians. They probably took pity on me when they found out my mom died during the Invasion." He took a bite of his pancakes.

For the next couple minutes, Yuya pondered about something. Something medieval. He may not be into history, but he has been finding the parallels on how Yuto was a knight and Lulu was a princess. Does that make Shay, Kameron, and Astra the prince, king, and queen respectively? Definitely. Just then, an idea popped into his head on how to cheer Yuto up again; he remembered hearing stuff about these Renaissance Faires that occur every year in America, but he wasn't sure if Japan has their own Faires too. They must have something similar because medieval history still plays an important role in today's society.

"Hey mom, do you know if there's a Renaissance Faire going on today?" Yuya asked.

"I think so," Yoko answered. "But it's in another town."

"That's all I needed to hear," Yuya said. "Yuto Osaku, we're having a family fun day at the Renaissance Faire!"

Yuto nearly choked on his mouthful of pancake. "What?" he asked once he swallowed.

"You heard me," Yuya said. "If you're gonna keep comparing yourself to a knight and Lulu to a princess, you might as well get a taste of what that bond is really like."

Once they were all done with their pancakes, they all headed out to the car so that Yoko can drive her sons and nephew to the Faire. She may not duel as much as she used to, but she always kept her Duel Disk around for other usages, one of them being using it as a GPS. She opened up the Maps app and typed down the location of where it was taking place in order to get directions.

The event was occurring in Hiroo, a town located in the second largest island in Japan called Hokkaido. The Tsugaru separates it from Honshu, Japan's largest and most populous island, but they are connected by a railway called the Seikan Tunnel, the second deepest and second longest railway tunnel. Her plan was to park the car at the Aomori Station—named after the capital of Honshu's Aomori region—and take a train that runs through the Seikan Tunnel and stops at Hakodate Station, then take another train from there to Hiroo to check out the Faire.

The name of this Faire the family was going to see was part of the West Kingdom, the founding kingdom of the Society of Creative Anachronism (SCA) that was established in 1966 in Berkeley, California. The people who founded it were big fans of history and science fiction and held outdoor parties with food, drinks, revelries, and tournaments. In 1969, when words of the SCA were spreading after multiple events were planned one after another, the East Kingdom was founded; soon enough, the non-profit education society developed a total of nineteen kingdoms with over 30,000 members. The West Kingdom had areas formed in the United States and Asia, which can be found in northern and southern regions of California, northern Nevada, Alaska, Guam, South Korea, Thailand, and Japan.

When the family arrived at the Faire's entrance, they were greeted by one of the employees. "Greetings!" he said. "Welcome the West Kingdom! But before you can continue, you must state your statuses so we may provide the appropriate attire for you."

Yuto was deeply confused. "Uh..."

"We're from the royal Sakaki family in Paradise City," Yoko explained, giving the employee an ID card. "The boy with magical corrective lenses is our knight."

The employee checked the ID card. "My apologies, Lady Sakaki," he said, giving the ID card back to Yoko. "It has been a long time since you came. Please come with me for your attire."

"You were here before?" Yuto asked.

"Only once," Yoko answered. "It was a anniversary celebration."

"I think I remember coming here several years ago," Yuya recalled. "But the memories are a bit blurry."

He was only six, maybe even younger, when he went to the West Kingdom's Faire for his parents anniversary, so it was going to be his and Yoko's second time attending this event. Sora and Yuto have never been to something like this before for different reasons. Their first order of business was to change into the proper clothes for a medieval atmosphere.

"My goodness, young lord," the employee told Yuya. "You have grown so much since we last saw you, so you are due for new measurements."

"I thought so," Yuya said.

The employee then looked at Yuto. "So this boy with the eggplant-like hair is your knight?" he asked.

"I am a knight," Yuto explained. "But my actual allegiance is to another royal family."

"And what about this young blue-haired boy?" the employee asked.

"I was adopted into the Sakaki family," Sora answered.

"I see," the employee said. "Then it seems you two might need to get your measurements recorded as well."

The three boys followed the employee to a separate room where he measured each of them. He noticed how similar Yuya and Yuto looked and caught on to how slightly buffer the young Osaku's physique was. As for Sora, he was the shortest out of them all, so he was going to need some smaller clothes that will fit him.

Yuya noticed the employee's confused expression. "Is somethin' wrong?" he asked.

"Aside from the different hairstyles, your looks and voices are eerily similar," the employee remarked. "Are you two related?"

"We're cousins," Yuto answered. "Our moms are sisters."

"Of course!" the employee said. "That would explain the similarities."

After the measurement were recorded, he handed the pad of medievalesque paper to another employee to give the boys the best fitting prince and knight outfits for them to try on. He then instructed Yuya, Yuto, and Sora to head on over to the nearby fitting room to try on their respective clothes.

"Young lord, let us know when you are properly dressed," the employee told Yuya.

"How come?" Yuya asked.

"It's your hair, sire," the employee explained, moving Yuya's bangs away from his forehead. "It is not suited for a young prince such as yourself."

"Uh... Okay..." Yuya said, baffled by the sudden request. "I'll think about it..." Those fears were unexpectedly returning to him. The fears of getting a haircut. He didn't mind his hair getting sprayed with water to make it easier to comb through and preferred to have it air-dried than blow-dried, but there was one thing that he couldn't stand about haircuts: scissors. He had that issue for as long as he could remember, hence why his hair always looks so fluffy and longish. He doesn't want his hair getting cut too close to his scalp.

Pretty soon, the family got dressed into their proper outfits for today's Faire. Yoko's was that of a regal queen whereas her sons wore matching attires that distinguished them as princes with obvious differences. Yuya's had warm and bright colors consisting of a red top, green pants, a white cape with yellowish-gold linings, magenta shoes with dark gray decals, and had his sash on his right shoulder; on the other hand, Sora's was cooler and darker with a moderate blue top, gray pants, a black cape, brown shoes, and had his sash on his left shoulder. Yuto's dawned a knight's uniform with dark purple shoulder pads that held his black, knee-length cape in place and a small broach that depicted a bird to represent he was from another kingdom.

Yuya let out a whistle. "You look good, Yuto," he said, his tomato hair already gelled down thanks to one of the employees. "Like a true knight."

However, instead of smirking like he normally did whenever someone complimented his looks, Yuto got on one knee and knelt before Yuya. "Your highness," he said.

Yuya was taken back by what his cousin had done. "You can get back up," he said.

"My apologies," Yuto said, still kneeling. "But knights live to serve royalty, not get treated as equals."

"No, Yuya is right," Yoko said. "You are still family."

"Yeah," Sora agreed. "Now get back up and snap out of this stupid funk."

It wasn't much of a funk; it was more of a force of habit, but can you blame him? For Yuto Osaku, being knightly is one of the biggest—if not, the biggest—changes of his life. He was no longer the shy, timid loner outcasted by a cheerful and colorful city and it surprised everyone, but they have gotten used to his sudden change and he became a part of their society. It paid off immensely because he has his own circle of friends, a long-lost extension of his family, and is currently dating his first friend's younger sister. Of course, he was hoping his personality has truly captivated the Obsidian family.

Yuto stood back on his feet. "My apologies," he said, bowing slightly. "But I'm only getting into character."

"Alright," Yoko said. "It was Yuya's idea for us to come here."

"Yeah!" Yuya happily said. "Now let's make this the best family fun day ever!"

Once the family stepped outside, trumpets blared. "Presenting the royal Sakaki family and their accompanied knight!" an employee announced.

The people attending the Faire turned their attentions towards the newly-arrived guests, who were walking down a long carpet from the castle to the entrance where all the festivities were. Everyone gave a massive round of applause for the family as a welcoming greeting to their annual event. But while Yuya was smiling and waving, Yuto covered his face with his hand.

"No one said there would be this much attention," Yuto muttered.

"It's alright," Yoko told her nephew. "They do this to the guests who want to dress up like royalty. We're not a special exception."

Yuto isn't much of a big fan of attention unlike Yuya who was basking in the applause from the people applauding for them. Eventually, the family entered the Faire where a vast variety of festivities were provided: sampling medieval food, drinks, and entertainment, SCA members teaching visiting college students about a pre-seventeenth century world subject called "Current Middle Age", guilds and other groups holding meetings including dancing, cooking, making armor, needlework, and music, and the ever popular tournaments. Their tournaments were rather unique because the members host Magical Duels instead of jousting due to the popularity of Duel Monsters.

"Come one, come all!" a Faire employee announced. "Don't miss this noon's tournament of Magic and Wizards!"

"Heh... I haven't heard that name in years."

Yuya and Yuto's eyes widened in surprise. "Was that you?" Yuya asked.

"No, it wasn't," Yuto answered. "But that means...?"

"That's right, my reincarnations. The great Zarc Nightstone is still here."

Yuya and Yuto immediately grew concerned at the sound of hearing Zarc's voice. How is that even possible? Was he not completely gone? Are there any lingering traces of his darkness lurking within the Yu-Salad? If so, then will it grow stronger like the last time and manipulate them into fusing back into one again?

"What are you still doing in our heads?" Yuto angrily asked.

"Geez, calm down. When Leo used that machine to separate Ray and I back into you eight, we technically didn't cross over. Our spirits still reside in each of you. I have no desire to reemerge in all my wonderful glory. Just think of me as your guardian angel."

"Then why did you show up now?" Yuya asked.

"Because I remember when Duel Monsters was originally called Magic and Wizards, so I figured I might pop in and give you two newbies some old-school pointers."

"Wait, that's what Magic and Wizards is?" Yuya asked. "An older version of Duel Monsters?"

"Indeed, my tomato-haired self. Back before Seto Kaiba changed things up to make things fairer for everyone who enjoys the card game."

"So what are these rules like?" Yuya asked.

"The whole premise of Magic and Wizards is that you and your opponent are wizards with the cards allowing you to cast spells or summon monsters. The gameplay style is the same as what you youngsters are familiar with, yet there are a few exceptions."

"What exceptions?" Yuto asked.

"The levels mean absolutely nothing. You can summon any monster at any moment, with some people even summoning Fusion monsters without needing to fuse the required monsters. Oh, and you can pretty much make up special card rules as you go. In other words, whoever manages to wipe out their opponent's 2000 starting life points with the strongest imagination is the winner."

"But that would mean Dark Rebellion would be completely powerless," Yuto realized, knowing his trusted dragon wouldn't have any Overlay Units.

"Yeah, about that... Synchro and XYZ monsters weren't created until after Kaiba changed the rules, but I'm sure Dark Rebellion will adapt to those rules. He's a pretty chill guy."

Yuto heard Dark Rebellion growl from the Extra Deck, reassuring his owner about how he didn't mind the rules to Magic and Wizards. Yuya and Zarc also heard the growls since the three do share the same ability to communicate with Duel Monsters. It didn't change the fact on how the two cousins were developing some worries regarding said rules.

"But what about Odd-Eyes?" Yuya asked, taking out his trusted dragon from his deck. "Do I have to revert him back into a regular monster?"

"Nah, you'll be fine. Odd-Eyes is a good boy. He loves a good performance. These things are right up his ally."

"You sure?" Yuya asked.

"Just be glad the other two aren't here. Starving Venom can't stand friendly performances. They kinda restricts his full power. But the worst of it is Clear Wing. She simply wouldn't like being summoned the old-fashioned way. For her, it's go synch or go home."

Yuya and Yuto's eyes widened in shocked realization at what Zarc just said. Did he just refer to Clear Wing as a "she"? That could mean...

"Clear Wing Synchro Dragon is actually a girl?!" Yuya asked.

"Of course she's a girl. I remember hearing her snarl at Yugo whenever he called her a guy-"

"Come on, you two!" Sora called out. "You gotta try this barbecued pig on a stick!"

"And that would be my cue to leave. Just remember what I said about the Magic and Wizards rules."

"We'll try," Yuto said as Yuya put Odd-Eyes back in his deck.

The two caught up with Sora, who was sampling the barbecued pig on a stick that he got from a nearby stand. Although it smelled delicious, they weren't sure if what he was eating was the entire pig or just a portion because people often roast the whole animal on a stick and it was honestly a bit creepy seeing its lifeless face.

"Uh... Sora?" Yuya asked. "What exactly are you eating?"

"Oh, relax," Sora said, showing his treat to the cousins. "It's just a slice of ham coated in barbecue sauce on a stick."

"Then what was with your choice of wording?" Yuto asked.

"Just wanted to mess with ya," Sora answered with a cheeky grin.

Ever since the Interdimensional War was over, Sora has grown into quite a troll not long after Yoko adopted him. Yuya sometimes forgets about it and easily falls for his younger brother's tricks.

"But seriously, try it out," Sora said, gesturing to the samples on display. "It's delicious."

Yuya and Yuto looked over at the stand that was displayed and walked towards it. They saw a couple employees slicing up some ham, cooking them up, poking sticks through them, drizzling barbecue sauce on them, and placing them on the display box.

"Good day, young prince," an employee told Yuya. "Care to try the West Kingdom's famous barbecued ham? You'll never find ham tastier than this!"

Yuya picked up one of the samples. "I never saw ham served on a stick like this before," he remarked.

"Well of course, sire," the employee said. "Our ham is far more worthy than being served in a simple sandwich."

Yuya didn't mind having ham sandwiches every now and then, but he was right about never seeing it served on a stick, let alone eating it, especially when it's covered in barbecue sauce. Curious about the taste, he took a bite out of the ham. His eyes widened in amazement.

"This is absolutely delicious!" Yuya exclaimed. "Yuto, you've gotta try this!"

He handed his cousin another ham on a stick for him to sample. Yuto usually had ham for dinner during Easter or whenever he felt like he wasn't sure what to have for lunch. The barbecue sauce does smell good though; it seemed to help boost the smell of the deli, but did it also make the flavor more edible? He bit into the ham, and much like his cousin, the Phantom Knights user was amazed with the taste.

"I never tasted ham like this before," Yuto remarked.

The two cousins delightfully ate the rest of their ham samples as they embraced the combined flavor of a thin, rolled-up sheet of meat moistened in a thick layer of flavorful and savory sauce.

"So what else does this Faire provide?" Yuto asked.

"You never attended any Faires back in the XYZ Dimension?" Yuya asked.

"Not like this," Yuto answered. "Heartland always had numerous festivals each year, but none of them had a special period theme."

"Then how about we watch the chess game?" Yoko suggested.

That baffled Yuto. "What's exciting about watching a chess game?" he asked, imagining a crowd of people watching two old men play chess.

"I think I saw one on TooYube," Sora recalled. "It's when a group of people get together to act out a mock battle as characters from Robin Hood lore."

"Yeah," Yuya agreed. "The stage is set like a giant chess board. It's pretty cool to watch."

Yuto asked himself some curious questions about this Robin Hood-themed chess match. Are the competitors acting out as the characters and the chess pieces are their armies? Is it some kind of reenactment of a scene from the legend? Whatever was going on, it admittedly piqued his interests about this game.

"My only piece of Robin Hood knowledge comes from a single movie," Yuto admitted.

"Which one?" Sora asked. "'Cause the Disney version is a bit inaccurate. None of the characters are actually animals."

"Men in Tights," Yuto answered.

Yuya and Sora chuckled out of amusement after hearing their cousin's response. Out of all the Robin Hood movies, he saw Men in Tights? That Mel Brooks film produced in America back in 1993?

"What's so funny?" Yuto asked.

"That's...not exactly true to Robin Hood lore," Yuya explained. "It's more like a parody."

"Wait, so women in the lore didn't wear iron underwear?" Yuto asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"Nope," Sora answered.

After a long discussion about the true story of Robin Hood and the many differences in its modern adaptations, the four went to see the chess match. Yuya and Sora were right about how this was no ordinary game of chess. There was an outdoor stage set up that stood in front of a large, grassy chess board where the people playing as the King and Queen give orders to their army, who are their "chess pieces". Their opponents also have "chess pieces" of their own and commands them to retaliate against the King and Queen's army.

"Thank you for coming to today's chess game!" the King announced. "And it seems we have special visitors among the crowd."

"Indeed," the Queen agreed. "Let us give a grand West Kingdom welcome to the royal Sakaki family and their accompanied knight!"

The audience applauded for the Sakaki-Osaku family once again since it's been less than a decade since Yoko and her son attended the Faire. As usual, Yuya smiled and waved at everyone while Yuto blushed slightly and tried to divert himself from the attention.

"Now then, shall we begin this year's wondrous chess game?" the Queen asked.

"Indeed, my wife," the King replied. He looked back at the crowd. "And don't forget about this afternoon's Magic and Wizards tournament, where the winning knight shall receive the greatest treasure in all the land!"

Yuya, Yuto, and Sora raised their eyebrows in astonishment and started to ponder on what the "greatest treasure" even is. "Oh man, I bet it's a lifetime supply of candy!" Sora gushed.

"It's not candy," Yuto said. "It's probably gold or-"

"My goodness, I almost forgot!" the King said, unknowingly interrupting Yuto's statement. "Come on out, my dearest daughter!"

Coming out from backstage was a young woman with long, silky, blonde hair and teal eyes. She was, without a doubt, the King and Queen's daughter, meaning she was a princess; her appearance made Yuto love-struck, mostly because she reminded him of Rapunzel, his favorite fairytale.

"...or the princess' hand in marriage," the eggplant-haired teen muttered.

"Snap out of it, cuz!" Yuya said. "You have a girlfriend, remember? I don't think she would like seeing you get all lovey-dovey towards other long-haired girls."

Yuto did end up snapping out of his love-struck gaze, but it had different results. He suddenly remembered he was arranged to get married with Lulu in the future and he was going to move in with the Obsidians as soon as possible so that he could be able to work at his job at the family company. Before he knew it, the dilemma and worries he was focused on earlier this morning soon crept back up to him. But despite those worries about not being worthy enough to have Lulu's hand in marriage, there was another issue he had ever since the Zarc thing was resolved.

"Yuya..." Yuto said. "How do you really feel about Zuzu?"

"I already told you," Yuya replied. "She's a good friend, but I don't see her as a girlfriend."

"So I'm the only one who feels desire and ache whenever I think about my girlfriend?" Yuto asked.

Yuya was baffled by Yuto's choice of words. "What are you talking about?" Yuya asked.

"Desire to hold her close all the time..." Yuto clarified. "And ache when she's not in your sight."

"Uh... I don't think so?" Yuya replied, not sure how to properly respond.

"It's why I had to help Shay find Lulu," Yuto said. "When I'm by her side or gently touching her, I feel calmer. I always assumed it was because of how much I love her, but after what happened..." He looked at his hand. "I'm not even sure anymore." He clenched his hand into a fist. "Could it be because she's the only one who can tame the beast within myself? Or is there something more to that?"

Yuto could feel something that was…indescribable. With everything that had happened, especially at Duel Academy, this burning darkness grew within him and had gotten stronger overtime. Lulu's agonizing scream made him give into it because he wanted to protect her, but there was more to it than meets the eye; his strength to resist was weakening, making him more vulnerable for corruption until…it consumed him. With Yuya and Yuri dueling each other, resistance was futile. The Four Dimension Dragons were brought out, Smile World was sent to the Graveyard via the face-down Break Away, ARC-V was activated, and all four dimensions were starting to fuse back into one. He didn't want to merge back with his counterparts, but the growing darkness became too much for most of them to withstand, and before anyone knew it, Zarc was back and ready to continue his onslaught that was interrupted by Ray.

Slight trembles travelled all over Yuto's body because he felt it was virtually impossible to try to tackle Zarc's manipulative control on his reincarnations and rescue the Bracelet Girls from being transferred into ARC-V, especially Lulu. She was one of the few people that meant everything to him and they demonstrate it through genuine feelings and love for each other. However, after everything they went through, he wasn't sure why he needed to be with her in the first place. Having her sweet smile forcibly taken away or seeing her in pain made him furious and awakened this hidden beast that made itself known to the world. Why does he need to be with her? Was it to remind him on how danger won't do any harm to them from now on? Was it out of protection? Reassurance? Compassion? Concern? Love? Was it to make sure something like that won't happen again?

Was it to prevent him from becoming part of…a single monster again?

He didn't want history to repeat itself, but after what they endured, it became too confusing for him to comprehend or handle. Trembles increased to subtle yet noticeable shakes as he had difficulty trying to not focus on the personal conflict he mentioned this morning.

"Yuto..." Yuya said out of concern. "Is that why you feel unsure about your new life?"

"Part of me feels unworthy to be the commoner-born husband of a beautiful princess," Yuto continued, small tears dripping from his eyes. "Yet this other part, a beastly side, wants to be comforted and tamed by her and her alone." He looked up at his cousin. "But which side is more dominant? The knight or the beast?"

But before Yuya could reply, trumpets blared, indicating the chess game was about to begin and the 'pieces' were finally set up. "Sorry for the delay, everyone," the King said. "Let the chess game commence!"

Throughout the next half hour, the King and Queen commanded their army members to attack their opponents while following the rules of chess: the pawns generally move one with a couple exceptions, the rooks move forward, backward, left or right from one to seven as long as the other "pieces" don't obstruct their paths, the knights move two spaces in one direction and one space in a perpendicular direction and can skip over other pieces, inhabit spaces not taken by their team's "pieces", and can move up to eight of the board's pieces, the bishops move diagonally as long as its path isn't obstructed by another piece—in which it can't move past said piece—and can take any other piece within its movements, the queens can move in all eight directions and can capture the opponent's "pieces", but it can't "jump" over them, and the kings help declare the winner by moving one space in any direction. What makes this entertaining is that each member of both armies engage in mock combat to represent one chess piece capturing the other and they all continue to do so until one team declares "checkmate", making this one really unique chess match to watch.

During the show, Yuto suddenly looked angry. "Are you alright?" Yuya asked.

"Look at the King and Queen's army," Yuto explained. "Do you recognize one of the knights?"

Yuya turned his head back to face the King and Queen's army to see which knight Yuto was referring to. Sure enough, he recognized him alright from the short green hair, dark eyes, and green cape; it was Ashley from the Knights of the Duel Disk who was carded by the Obelisk Force alongside Bram and Carl.

"How dare he show his face and pass off as a knight," Yuto said, glaring at said knight. Suddenly, he stood up. "He has no right to be here!"

That outburst caused the show to get interrupted. "I beg your pardon?" the King asked.

"You heard me," Yuto said, stepping onto the field. "The man dressed in green is a false knight!"

Ashley noticed Yuto and approached him. "And who are you to make such an accusation?" he demanded.

"I am Sir Yuto Osaku of the Obsidians," Yuto answered, showing no fear. "I serve the family's beloved princess, but today I chose to accompany the Sakakis to protect them from harm."

Yuto knew Ashley didn't deserve such a cruel fate like getting carded as ordered by Leo, but he was certain as hell that Ashley, Bram, Carl, and Chalac were part of a duel school that makes its students come off as such dishonorable knights. And as a true knight, Yuto couldn't tolerate that kind of false nobility.

"You imposter knights make me sick," Yuto continued. "A true knight is noble and kind at heart, but all you do mercilessly beat up innocent people. How dare you tarnish the knight's image!"

"You challenge me, young lad?" Ashley asked, aiming his sword at Yuto.

"If it will get through to you, yes," Yuto said.

"Good," Ashley said. "I haven't had a good duel in a whi-"

"That's quite enough!" the Queen interrupted. "If you wish to settle a dispute, save it for the Magic and Wizards tournament."

Yuto sighed, sounding like a mix of obedience with a tiny hint of reluctance. He really wanted to show Ashley the true meaning of being a knight, and if he has to do it during the Magic and Wizards tournament, then so be it. He angrily glared at his soon-to-be opponent before sitting back down to let the chess match continue.

"Uh... Yuto?" Yuya asked. "The Magic and Wizards tournament only allows professional actors to participate."

"So what?" Yuto asked. "I'm sure they will make an exception for me."

"Well good luck with that. Combining Magic and Wizards with the current Solid Vision technology can kinda make things pretty aggressive, even moreso than my four dragons."

Yuya and Yuto heard Zarc's voice again and wondered what he meant by that. Implementing mass into Solid Vision is what caused the end of the world for those that lived in the Original Dimension prior to the split. How on earth could using Solid Vision in Magic and Wizards be worse than that?

"What are you talking about?" Yuya asked.

"There was a reason why Kaiba changed the rules. If someone were to summon something like...let's say...a Blue-Eyes White Dragon, that could cause some mass uproar and the duels would have been over pretty darn quickly if the opponent didn't have the right cards. Can you imagine what that would have been like?"

"I don't know what a Blue-Eyes White Dragon is, but I'll take your word for it," Yuto replied.

He and Yuya began to wonder what would happen if Kaiba hadn't changed the rules and Duel Monsters was still Magic and Wizards. Zarc did say that that people can summon monsters without performing a tribute or even a Fusion Summon and can make up card rules as the duel progressed. ATK and DEF were important to the game and the person has to use their monster's strong stats and their imagination to eliminate their opponent's 2000 LP. Would that mean people would get too creative with making up rules? Maybe; after all, with so many effects that people can come up with out of the blue, it would get somewhat convoluted just from trying to keep track of them by itself.

Yuya muffled a laugh as Yuto smirked, thinking about the endless made-up card rules. However, Sora was fed up with all the talking. "We can chat later," he said. "I'm trying to watch the chess game."

"Sorry Sora," Yuto said.

Later on in the afternoon, after the chess match had ended, Yoko, Yuya, Yuto, and Sora headed on over to a medieval arena where the Magic and Wizards tournament was going to be held. Since it required only professional actors to participate, there needs to be some way for them to make an exception so that the Phantom Knights user can show Ashley what it means to be a true knight, but how are they going to do that?

But as Yuto was searching through his deck, he look surprised. "Are you alright?" Yoko asked.

Yuto took out a card. "What is this Tuner doing in my deck?" he asked. "This is supposed to be a pure XYZ deck."

"Yeah, about that... My dragons may or may not have modified each of your decks while you were all fused together. But look on the bright side: now Yuya has access to updated versions of all my Magician cards."

Yuya took his deck out and skimmed through it to see a huge number of Magicians he never had before prior to Zarc's return. This would really come in handy with his strategies; maybe when he's at You Show Duel School, he can show them to Zuzu, Allie, Frederick, and Tate to see what kind of tactics he can come up with that he can use in the future. As for Yuto, he simply stared at Lady of the Lake. He was a pure XYZ user, so including this Tuner may seem meaningless because there aren't any Phantom Knight Synchro monsters…but were there Synchro monsters that are similar and work well with his archetype?

"So your dragon put a useless card in my deck?" Yuto asked, getting irked at Zarc.

"Not exactly. I had a feeling you would get mad at the change Clear Wing made, so I snuck a new Synchro card into your Extra Deck. I hope it fits with your whole knight theme."

Yuto took out his Extra Deck to see where this card was and found it next to Dark Rebellion. He grabbed it to analyze its stats; it was Gaia Knight, the Force of Earth, a Level 6 EARTH Warrior-Type Synchro monster with 2600 ATK and 800 DEF. It doesn't have any effects, but like most Synchros, it requires one Tuner and one or more non-Tuners in order to Synchro Summon it.

"But why this Tuner?" Yuto asked. "She doesn't seem to fit with any of my Phantom Knights."

"Well a Duelist's deck reflects his or her personality, kinda like my Frightfur Fusions," Sora said. "And that Tuner could reflect how you see your girlfriend."

He was right; the Phantom Knights reflect on how chivalrous, noble, and gentlemanly Yuto had become over the years. With Lady of the Lake still in his hand, he analyzed her stats to see how it reminds him of Lulu. She was a Level 1 LIGHT Aqua-Type Tuner monster with 200 ATK and 1800 DEF. She can't be used as Synchro Material unless the Synchro monster is a Warrior-Type; in this case, she gets banished. If she was normal summoned, she can target a Noble Knight monster in the Graveyard and special summoned it to the field. If she was in the Graveyard, she can target a Level 5 Noble Knight monster, decrease its Level by 1, and special summon it to the field.

Seeing all of the card's information and image, there was something about her made drew parallels to Lulu. They both possess natural beauty from their long, luscious hair to the clothes they wear. Their personalities also weren't so different; they may be sweethearts, but they are quite strong. Lady of the Lake's Level, ATK, and effects reflect on Lulu's usage of the Lyriluscs where they rely on powerful effects and how Duelists shouldn't judge the low Levels and low ATK. Yuto blushed due to the realization, making Zarc chuckle.

"That's Clear Wing for you. She's fierce and pretty powerful, but she's a huge romantic at heart."

"So do you think you can figure out a new strategy?" Yuya asked Yuto.

"I think so," Yuto answered. "But for now, we need to figure out how I can participate in the Magic and Wizards tournament."

"Maybe we could talk to some of the employees," Yoko suggested. "Someone here could register you as an official participant."

The Sakaki-Osaku family searched for any employees that were in charge of managing the tournament to see if Yuto is capable of qualifying. Luckily for them, they found a women dressed in black and silver.

"I see," the employee said. "So you wish to join this year's Magic and Wizards tournament."

"Of course," Yuto replied.

"Normally we don't let guests take part in these tournaments due to the possibility of serious injury," the employee said. "But if the Queen gave you permission, I suppose we can make an exception. We did only manage to find three participants this year, so including you should even things out."

"Thank you," Yuto said with a slight bow. The Queen did mention about how him and Ashley can save their dispute for the tournament, so he was glad to know exceptions can be made.

"So may I please see your magic caster?" the employee asked. "I must make it tournament-legal."

"Huh?" Yuya asked.

"I think she means she wants to program the Magic and Wizards guidelines into my Duel Disk," Yuto explained, taking out his Duel Disk and giving it to the employee.

Since it was programmed to follow the rules to Duel Monsters, it would lead to a high probability of him receiving alerts of him "breaking the rules". For example, using Fusion, Synchro, and XYZ monsters like regular normal/effect monsters would cause the ERROR notification to appear on his Duel Disk, much like how Yuya couldn't Pendulum Summon during his duel against Zuzu.

"Thank you for your corporation," the employee said, returning the Duel Disk to Yuto. "I will register your wizard ID code into my magic mirror. The tournament will begin in a few hours, so I would suggest you to prepare your wizardry skills."

Yuto nodded as he put his Duel Disk away; with only a few hours left, he needed to figure out strategies he can use that revolve around the Magic and Wizards rules. To pass the time, he accompanied his aunt and cousins and saw various performances.

During a show featuring two jugglers who use fire, Yuto thought about what Zarc said about Magic and Wizards. He could normal summon any monster he wants and make up special abilities during duels. But what could he say? And what about his dueling code of honor? He still wants to show mercy to his opponent and finish them off as only a last resort, but how could he do that if there's still corrupting darkness inside him?

"Uh... Yuto?" Yuya asked. "Earth to Yuto?"

"Hmm?" Yuto mused, snapping out of his thoughts.

"You alright?" Yuya asked.

"Sort of," Yuto admitted. "I feel a bit unsure about these new rules."

"You got this, Yuto. You have all of my kindness and compassion. I know you'll show that jerk of a knight the true code of nobility."

"Zarc's right," Yuya agreed. "You can defeat this Knight of the Duel Disk."

"But what if I lose control?" Yuto asked. He clutched his chest near his heart, much like when Odd-Eyes and Dark Rebellion spoke to each other for the first time. "I can't stand that fake knight, but I can't let my rage control me."

Even though Zarc redeemed himself by bringing back the Original Dimension and splitting into his reincarnations again, there could be potential side effects to the amount of trauma Yuto had to endure, with rage being one of them. He was worried it could occur in random bursts like when he and the dueling club discussed with Declan about the effects of someone being merged with their counterparts or a gradually increasing darkness similar to the Awakened state.

"Then don't use Dark Rebellion in the tournament," Yuya suggested. "Besides, don't you have any other Rank 4 cards you could use?"

"Just one," Yuto answered. "Cairngorgon, Antiluminescent Knight, but I don't use it a lot."

"Perfect!" Yuya said. "As long as you use that card, you won't have to worry about losing control."

With their dragons' strong connections with each other still intact, Yuya figured this would cause a repeat of their Awakened states whenever he and his counterparts brought them out. The lingering spirit of Zarc overheard this decision and he couldn't help but feel guilty about what his Pendulum reincarnation settled on. He even heard remorseful sounds coming from Odd-Eyes and Dark Rebellion. He knew Dark Rebellion would love to take part in a Magic and Wizards duel, but it didn't seem like that would happen after all.

A few hours later, the annual Magic and Wizards tournament was about to begin as the Faire attendees walked inside the arena to get themselves concessions and claim their seats. Due to Yuto taking part in the tournament, the Sakakis (and Sora) were given special seating arrangements.

"I hope Yuto knows what he's doing," Sora said.

"He's going to be alright," Yuya replied. "Yuto's not only noble. He's calm. He would never panic during things like this."

Ironically, Yuto was pacing around backstage, panicking at what was about to happen shortly. He would normally remain calm in most situations, but in this one, he was taking part in a tournament that involves Duel Monsters' predecessor—a card game that he has never played before, mind you—and plans to face off against a formerly carded disgrace of a knight.

"I don't think listening to Yuya's advice is a good idea. I heard Dark Rebel-"

"Will you shut up?!" Yuto snapped, his eyes briefly glowing periwinkle. "How am I supposed to keep up with a card game where everyone makes up rules?!"

"Look, I told you that the person with the biggest imagination wins. Just say your monsters are completely invincible to your opponent's cards and you should be fine."

Invincible? Wasn't that a little overpowered? Well, "little" is an understatement because the Phantom Knights would become as strong as—if not, stronger than—a rumored "forbidden" monster, one that supposedly required five cards needed for an automatic win. Yuto wondered what else his Phantom Knights can be used for with his imagination. He then pictured each monster and took note on how a lot of them resembled an article of clothing, mainly armor. A realization popped into his head; with a selected few taking form of different body parts such as Break Sword and Cloven Helm, was it possible for them to become a single Phantom Knight? Was it possible for them to combine or even equip to each other? With Magic and Wizards, the Duelist's imagination was limitless, so it may seem Yuto may have an idea on how to beat Ashley and demonstrate to him on what it means to be a true knight.

"First up is Sir Kingsley of Heathen vs. Sir Yuto of Obsidian!"

"Wait, I'm not dueling the imposter first?" Yuto asked aloud.

"Looks like it. But don't worry. If you win this round, you can face off against him in the finals."

Yuto wasn't sure who this Kingsley person is, but he was certain he has to make it through the tournament and reach the finals. He knew Ashley was strong enough to make into the Junior Youth division's Battle Royale finales in the Arc League Championship, landing in the Top 16 position, so this would surely be one tough duel he was going to face. With that in mind, he decided to save his Phantom Knights equip tactic for when he does face off against the disgraceful, dishonorable jerk of a knight.

Upon stepping onto the arena, Yuto was greeted by the knight who was apparently Kingsley. "So you're Sir Yuto of Obsidian," he said. "I suppose the Obsidian family is whom you swore allegiance to."

"It is," Yuto replied. "Especially the family's princess."

"Well that princess must be lucky to have you," Kingsley said. "With that face, you could woo any girl of choice."

Did…that sound like a compliment? If it was, then at least Yuto might have found a worthy opponent to kick off the tournament. "Thank you," he said, adjusting his glasses as he smirked. "I do have such handsome features."

Once again, Yuto's habit of letting a single comment about how nice his appearance was feeding his ego was making itself known. The last time he did that was when he realized Yuya was right about how wearing glasses with a suit makes him look like a sharp businessman. Needless to say, Yuya ended up face-palming.

"Was Yuto always this egotistical?" Sora asked.

"Yes," Yuya explained. "I'm not sure why, but he likes being praised for his looks."

Sora let out a small laugh. "Kinda sounds like he knows he's the handsome one compared to you, Yugo, and Yuri."

But before Yuya could respond, the tournament was about to begin. "Are the knights ready?" the Queen asked.

Yuto and Kingsley got in position on opposite sides of the arena. "Yes, your majesty," Kingsley replied, bowing slightly as he activated his Duel Disk and prompting Yuto to do the same.

"Then let the West Kingdom's annual Magic and Wizards tournament commence!" the Queen announced.

The two knights drew their five starting cards, started out with 2000 LP, and shouted, "Let's duel!" to signal the beginning of the tournament. Yuto glanced at his hand. He was starting off with The Phantom Knights of Lost Vambrace, The Phantom Knights of Wrong Magnetring, Call of the Haunted, The Phantom Knights of Ancient Cloak, and Lady of the Lake. Since he was going first, he decided to go with his signature opening move, then try out his new Synchro technique.

"I set three cards face down and end my turn," Yuto announced, setting his three traps face down. "Your move."

Kingsley was rather puzzled on why Yuto would play three face downs on the first turn. Doesn't he know that leaves him vulnerable for a direct attack? What was he planning?

"Very well, young knight," Kingsley said. He drew a card to start his turn. "For my first turn, I shall bring forth Sacred Noble Knight of King Artorigus! And with the support of Gwenhwyfar, Queen of Noble Arm, she shall grant her strength to her beloved king!"

A flash of light appeared from the ground that looked similar to the Overlay Network yet was far different from it. King Artorigus and Gwenhwyfar both flew out from it and onto the field; they were respectively a Rank 5 LIGHT Warrior-Type XYZ monster with 2200 ATK and DEF and a Level 2 LIGHT Spellcaster-Type monster with 300 ATK and DEF. Normally, they would use their given effects, but that was not the case in Magic and Wizards; in turn, this gave Yuto a better understanding of the card game now that he was witnessing and playing it. It was something similar to an RPG game where you can summon creatures, cast spells, and initiate traps while also declaring attacks. Well, technically speaking, it's basically an RPG in the form of a card game.

"So you're treating Gwenhwyfar as a Spell card," Yuto observed.

"Precisely," Kingsley replied. "As you can see, she is chanting a spell on King Artorigus so her attack points are transferred to him. Isn't it quite a lovely sight?"

Yuto glanced at his new Tuner. "I have seen prettier maidens," he answered, thinking about Lulu. After thinking about the realization a few hours ago, he was admittedly glad that Zarc gave him this Tuner. Sure Gwenhwyfar looks cute, but Lady of the Lake was absolutely beautiful. The Phantom Knights user knew that even though his new Tuner was part of the Noble Knight archetype, he was going to make her shine bright among his Phantom Knights.

"Now King Artorigus, attack Yuto directly!" Kingsley commanded.

"I don't think so," Yuto said. "I activate the Trap card Phantom Knights of Wrong Magnetring to shield myself from your king's attack!"

Wrong Magnetring is a Normal Trap card that becomes a Level 2 DARK Warrior-Type monster with 0 ATK and DEF when activated; it is special summoned in attack position as the declared attack is negated, which is exactly what it did.

"I see," Kingsley said. "Then I suppose that will end my turn."

"Very well," Yuto said. "My turn." He drew a card, which was The Phantom Knights of Mist Claws. "And I'll start things off with The Phantom Knights of Ancient Cloak in defense position."

Kingsley was confused. "A monster with only 800 attack points?" he asked. "Is that the best you could do?"

"Not quite," Yuto said. He revealed the Tuner in his hand. "I call upon the Lady of the Lake! Arise from the loveliest of waters, fairest maiden!"

As the light illuminated in response to the card being played, water bubbled on the floor and gushed out and up into the air as the Lady of the Lake soared out from it and landed in her monster zone.

Kingsley was surprised. "The Lady of the Lake?!" he asked. "How did you obtain such a card?!"

"Just a little something from a friend," Yuto answered. "But I didn't call upon her because of her radiant beauty. Lady of the Lake, use your lovely song to revive Ancient Cloak back into its original glory!"

Lady of the Lake placed Noble Arm - Excaliburn into the ground to clap her hands together and sing her melody. The harmonic tune of her song caused a wave to materialize and head towards Ancient Cloak; at the same time, gusts of wind encircled around it and sucked the surrounding water, creating a waterspout that encased the monster in it to help transform back to its original appearance.

"Now return to the realm of the living, Gaia Knight, the Force of Earth!" Yuto exclaimed.

The waterspout grew bigger and stronger until it exploded, unleashing water and wind across the field that engulfed and "vaporized" Level 1 Lady of the Lake and Level 2 Wrong Magnetring; standing in Level 3 Ancient Cloak's place was the Level 6 Synchro monster: Gaia Knight, the Force of Earth.

"My god..." Kingsley said, alarmed. "You really are quite a powerful knight. He's stronger than my comrade!"

"There's more," Yuto continued. "When Gaia Knight is brought out onto the field, he can equip a sword from my deck. And I think I'll have him wield Phantom Knights' Sword to increase his strength by 800."

The Continuous Trap card was ejected from the deck and Yuto took it out to activate it. Phantom Knights' Sword appeared from the enlarged rendition of said card and dashed over to Gaia Knight's free hand, who grabbed it and raised his ATK from 2600 to 3400.

"Now Gaia Knight, attack King Artorigus!" Yuto declared. "Specter Strike Slash!"

The Synchro knight used his horse to gallop towards the XYZ king, firmly grasping onto Phantom Knights' Sword and slashing through him, destroying the monster and bringing Kingsley LP down to a shocking 900.

"Such power..." Kingsley remarked. "I have never seen a boy this young be at the same dueling level as a professional Duelist!"

"I have left you with enough life points to survive this turn," Yuto said, standing tall and showing no fear. "If you surrender now, I may show mercy."

"Not a chance," Kingsley replied. "I must see more of your power!"

"Very well," Yuto said. "I chain Gaia Knight's attack with Call of the Haunted, allowing me to retrieve The Phantom Knights of Ancient Cloak from my Graveyard. And by equipping The Phantom Knights of Mist Claws to Ancient Cloak, it can inflict an additional 400 points worth of damage."

"So it seems you have won this round," Kingsley said. "I applaud you for the performance."

"Thank you, fellow knight," Yuto replied with a satisfied smile. "Now go, Phantom Knights of Ancient Cloak! Ensure my victory with a direct attack!"

Ancient Cloak charged towards Kingsley and unleashed its signature attack, dwindling his remaining Life Points down to 0 and ensuring Yuto an easy victory.

"And there you have it!" the tournament hostess announced. "The winner of the first round is Sir Yuto of Obsidian! Young knight, please head backstage to prepare for the finals."

Yuto gave out his chivalrous comments to Kingsley about how he enjoyed their duel and how he wishes to see each other again for another match with someone as noble as him before heading backstage. During that time, he watched the next rounds of the tournament to see who will be advancing; as he expected, Ashley was there and he was doing surprisingly well…for an unkinghtly knight, that is.

"Well someone hasn't changed their dueling style."

"I know," Yuto agreed. "He's still using the same Assault Knight card he used on Yuya and Shay." He tightly clenched his fists. "But those tactics go against everything a true knight is."

"Then how about you teach that guy a lesson? Maybe with a certain purple-scaled dragon?"

"But using Dark Rebellion is too risky," Yuto disagreed. "I want to defeat him with true honor."

"But I keep telling you that won't work. A bully like him deserves to be punished-"

"I don't care!" Yuto interrupted. "Let me defeat him my way."

From the moment he first "saw" him during the Junior Youth Battle Royale finals, he could tell their was a huge difference between the two archetypes. The Phantom Knights may have the word "knight" in their archetype, but they weren't part of the Knight archetype. They visually represented flaming ghosts, armor, and weapons while named that relate to disrepair, disuse, emptiness, darkness, death, and mistake; however, through Graveyard manipulation, banishment, Spell/Trap card searches, and the support from their XYZ companions, their playing style reflect on what knights truly represent. Slash the Assault Knight was part of the massive Knight archetype, a group of monsters that share the same gallant, heroic, and courageous personality as Yuto and his Phantom Knights, but what makes Slash different from all of them lies within its name and effect. It assaults its opponents with direct attacks and reduces any receiving battle damage to 0; this shows how Ashley, Bram, Carl, and Chalac neglect this important conduct as the Knights of the Duel Disk.

"A true knight is never that reckless," Yuto said. "Shay and Yuya nearly got hurt because of that same recklessness. Those false knights aren't knights at all. They're nothing more than bullies."

"That's exactly what I said! You should punish him for being reckless!"

"And give in to the same violent tactics?" Yuto asked in response. "That would go against everything I believe in."

This act was the epitome of Yuto's personality for the past several years and this dilemma he was currently facing was basically challenging it. How can he punish Ashley for his recklessness while still cherishing his beliefs without facing the risk of Awakening again?

"And the winner is Sir Ashley of the Duel Disk!"

"Okay Yuto. If you feel that strongly about not wanting to use Dark Rebellion, I won't interfere."

"Thank you," Yuto said, using his Duel Disk to give his deck a quick shuffle.

"Now will Sir Yuto of Obsidian join Sir Ashley of the Duel Disk for the tournament finals?"

Yuto let out an exhale once his deck was done shuffling. He got up from where he was sitting and headed towards the doorway that leads to the backstage. Opening the door, he walked out and trailed himself back towards the arena, where he saw Ashley still standing where he was from his previous duel.

"You look rather familiar," Ashley remarked. "Have we met?"

"No," Yuto answered. "But you met my cousin."

"Cousins...?" Ashley said. Then he noticed the resemblance. "You're related to Yuya Sakaki."

"Correct," Yuto responded as he activated his Duel Disk, not bowing like he did in his previous duel. "But I saw what you did to him. I won't forgive you from hurting him!"

"Hurting him?" Ashley repeated. "I did no such thing. I was merely sparring with my fellow comrades. He only got in the way."

"Liar!" Yuto exclaimed. He winced as he clutched his chest, feeling a stabbing feeling in his heart. "You and your friends purposely 'sparred' next to him! You thought that by injuring him with your monsters' blades would leave him in no condition to continue the Battle Royale! I...ugh... I refuse to let you leave unpunished!"

Deep within the recesses of Yuto's mind, Zarc could see something was off about him. He hasn't seen him this mad in all of his life; could this be a random burst of rage or something worse? He wished he could help his XYZ reincarnation out and warn him about what may happen if this boiling rage becomes too strong for him to bear, but because he states how he wasn't going to interfere, he had no choice but to watch this train wreck unfold. He honestly wasn't sure how he should feel about this situation once it blows over, but he was clearly concerned about everything that was leading up to this unfortunate turn of events.

"Now then, are the knights ready?" the Queen asked.

"Of course, your majesty," Ashley replied, bowing as he activated his Duel Disk.

"S-Sure..." Yuto muttered, his Duel Disk already activated. Why was his vision getting worse even with his glasses on?

"Then let the tournament finale commence!" the Queen declared.

The two knights drew their five cards and shouted "Let's duel!" to signal the start of the finals, with each of them beginning with 2000 LP. Ashley declared that he will be making the first move.

"I shall start things off with Slash the Assault Knight!" Ashley announced. "And because he was summoned on the first turn, he's allowed to inflict effect damage to your life points equal to his strength!"

At the time of the Arc League Championship, Slash's ATK, DEF, Attribute, Type, and Level was unknown; however, as it raised its sword and slashed out a luminescent purple blast, it took out a huge chunk of Yuto's Life Points, leaving him with only 500 left. The direct attack was strong enough to knock his light gray glasses off, worsening his already-blurry vision.

"I will have to end my turn," Ashley informed Yuto. "But know this: it doesn't matter which monster you summon. My Assault Knight will still attack you directly, allowing me to win this duel."

"We'll see about that," Yuto said, feeling even more angry at the imposter knight. He drew a card. He was holding The Phantom Knights of Ragged Gloves, The Phantom Knights of Silent Boots, Phantom Knights' Fog Blade, The Phantom Knights' Rank-Up-Magic Launch, and Phantom Knights' Spear. If he could time his cards just right, he should be able to bring out his Antiluminescent Knight before the end of his turn. He smiled confidently, ignoring the already-worsening pain inside him.

"I told you, there is nothing you can do!" Ashley taunted. "Even if you get rid of Slash, I still have plenty of Assault Knights in my deck! I'll simply bring out another one to finish you off during my next turn!"

Yuto winced in pain. "Laugh all you want, imposter knight," he said. "But I am a true knight."

"So what?" Ashley asked. "It's not like anyone cares. All they want is a good show, and a good show is what they shall have!"

"It's not like anyone cares..."

Those five words that spilled out of Ashley's mouth echoed in Yuto's head, except instead of subsiding into silence like most echoes do, it kept ringing and repeating over and over, increasing in speed and volume until it hit a certain point where it all came crashing down. Where a nerve has been struck. Where the rage became too much to control.

His opponent had unleashed the beast from its cage.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

The Sakakis were alarmed to see Yuto in such pain as he dropped his Duel Disk and the cards in his hand. "Yuto!" Yuya called out. "You have to control it!"

"I can't!" Yuto exclaimed, slowly losing consciousness as dark purple scales appeared on his body. "I- GAAAAHHHH!"

As he screamed out with all the energy left in his conscious, the dark purple scales completely covered his body, which was gaining some new and monstrous features in his werewolf-esque transformation. Wings pierced through and ruined his armor and sprouted from his back, his hands and feet became claw-like, the color of his eggplant hair turned darker, and once the transformation was complete, his eyes flashed open and glowed yellow. This unexpected form's appearance was parallel to Zarc's revived look, but it was more of an XYZ variant of it. Much like how his incarnation became Supreme King Dragon Z-ARC through Astrograph Sorcerer's effect, the intense struggle of maintaining his heated anger turned Yuto into a creature who looked like he fused with Dark Requiem XYZ Dragon.

Everyone was surprised, especially the Sakakis. "Yuto...?" Yuya muttered.

"I tried to warn him. Repressing all that built-up rage can lead to some disastrous results."

"Wait, that was his doing?" Yuya asked.

"Dark Rebellion was getting anxious to fight that poor excuse of a knight. So when Yuto refused to use him, he kinda...came out on his own."

But, if this was Dark Rebellion's doing, then why does Yuto bear Dark Requiem's physical traits? Did his heated fury cause his ace to…Rank-Up? Just as Yuya was processing what happened, he witnessed his cousin activating Dark Requiem's first of two effects since Dark Rebellion used himself as an Overlay Unit. By detaching himself, he reduces the opposing monster's ATK to 0 as he gains ATK equal to the target's. With Slash the Assault Knight having 1500 ATK, it will increase the dragon's strength up to 4500, giving Yuto an OTK win.

"Do you really think your little costume change can scare me?" Ashley asked.

The Dark Requiem-Yuto hybrid looked like he was charging towards Slash, but he skyrocketed up in the air instead before stopping and extending his wings. Light illuminated from them and revealed what resembled stained glass windows on each wing; he slowly opened his mouth to let out a growl as his chin started to glow. Within mere seconds, he bolted towards Ashley's monster to finish his signature attack: Dark Destruction.

When the dust cleared, Ashley was laying down on the ground and his Duel Disk appeared to have been pierced. But despite this victory, everyone in the audience was stunned.

"The winner is...Sir Yuto of Obsidian?" the tournament hostess announced, confused with what just happened.

With the duel now over, the hybrid's Dark Requiem features began to disappear. The stained-glass "feathers" withered away as the wings shrunk back into his back, the claws transformed back into human nails on his hands and feet, and the darker dual-colored hair lightened up its tint, immediately followed by the light purple bangs falling down and covering his forehead and eyes—which have faded from yellow back to golden-yellow—due to being covered in sweat from trying to restrain himself from his anger. Yuto was back to normal, but as he was trying to remember what had happened, silence continued to fill the arena.

Realization sunk in as Yuto saw Ashley laying on the ground. "What have I done...?" he asked aloud. He fell to his knees, his hand covering his face as tears started to fall from his eyes. "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

After a few minutes of silence, the King stood from his throne. "I'm not quite sure what had happened, but I wish for Sir Yuto to stand before me."

"Wait, your highness!" Yuya exclaimed, standing up from his seat. "My cousin had every right to be angry at Ashley." He activated a holographic projection from his Duel Disk. "Everything he said was true. The Knights of the Duel Disk are more like bullies than real knights."

The holographic projection displayed a moment from the Arc League Championship. As Yuya was explaining Shay about what happened, Ashley, Bram, and Carl deliberately interrupted them with their duel. They figured they would surround Shay and have the three Slashs' attacks and effects hit him as a way to not get penalized; with Yuya also caught in the fray, he felt the physical harm of them by getting blown away from one of the attack's force. The two didn't want to duel these "knights" because doing so would result in an intrusion penalty and would lead them to lose 2000 LP. Even so, the three purposefully unleashing attacks with 0 damage just to injure Shay and Yuya wasn't part of being knightly, which was why Yuto despises them.

"You see?" Yuya asked. "The Knights of the Duel Disk are nothing more than Duelists who use cheap tactics to win. So if you're gonna punish anyone, punish the false knight, not Yuto. He's noble, loyal, and has a big heart, making him a true knight."

"I know, young prince," the King said. "I suspected Sir Ashley was some kind of trickster, so I wish to award Sir Yuto with the greatest treasure in all the land for not only winning the tournament, but for also punishing a wicked person."

However, Yuto was too broken to even stand up. "I'm not a knight..." he muttered under his breath, sobbing hard. "I'm nothing more than a mere beast..."

Yuya turned off the holographic image. "Come on, cuz!" he encouraged. "Stand up and accept your reward!"

"I can't!" Yuto snapped, his eyes glowing periwinkle. "I don't even deserve to call myself a knight!"

"That's not true, Sir Yuto," the King said. "I have witnessed a lot of knights take part in this tournament, but I have never encountered a soul as brave as yours. You have the heart of a true champion and a soul that is courageous and true. In another time, you could have been a great king such as myself."

Yuto removed his hand from his face. "Me...? A king...?" he asked, looking up as his eyes stopped glowing.

Yuya approached Yuto and knelt next to him, picking up his glasses. "So whaddya say?" the tomato-haired teen asked, moving his cousin's bangs away from his eyes and putting his glasses back on him. "Ready to accept this great treasure?"

Yuto simply stared back at Yuya, with a much clearer vision now that his glasses were on and his bangs weren't covering his eyes. Was it really true that he could have been a king? A brave, powerful, genuine, and tenacious king? Despite transforming into whatever he had become? If that was the case, then he could be a king…to Lulu's queen.

Yuto picked up his cards and Duel Disk, strapping it to his left wrist as he stood up. "Very well," he said. He smiled softly at his cousin. "Thanks Yuya."

Yuya pulled Yuto in for a one-armed hug. "Don't mention it," he said. "Now go get that treasure."

Yuto adjusted his glasses and walked over to where the King and Queen were sitting; behind them was a chest, which housed the greatest treasure in all the land.

"Behold, the greatest treasure in all the land!" the King announced, prompting a Faire employee to open the chest on his behalf.

The treasure was none other than a golden sword with a thick, sky blue lining along the blade and a sky blue gem encrusted on said blade.

"The greatest treasure is a sword?" Yuto asked.

"Not just any sword," the King explained. "This is the Sword of Nobles. Only knights with the purest of hearts can wield it."

"And you're...giving it to me?" Yuto asked.

"Of course," the King answered. "It's yours to keep. Think of it as a reminder of how worthy you truly are."

"Now why don't you pick it up and accept your destiny as a noble knight?" the Queen asked. "I'm certain that the family you are loyal to would be proud to see what you have accomplished."

Family he's loyal to? Was she mentioning…the Obsidians? With his eyes lock onto the sword, it was starting to become clear for Yuto. This sword was being given to him because he inherits the qualities of a true knight: nobility, loyalty, chivalry, purity, bravery, heroism, and courage. These were all part of his gentlemanly personality, which was why Lulu probably fell in love with him in the first place. As a result, it led to Kameron and Astra arranging their future marriage, giving him a job offer, and letting him live with them until he has an official plan for his future. They knew from the moment their daughter talked about how she met him that he was a perfect fit for her; their discussion must have occurred after the school day had ended.

This quickly led to the realization that the Obsidians were actually a really nice family, whether they were out in public or staying at their house. He had let his fears and worries about not being able to fit into an elite environment cloud his mind, but his core personality generally remained unaffected. Perhaps he can find living with Lulu and Shay to be quite the learning experience; it never hurts to pick up some tips about being in a high class society. He may need them when he sets off on his own journey, after all. If there was one thing clear about this journey, it was still under construction, but him marrying his girlfriend was definitely going to be something to look forward to.

With newfound confidence in his eyes, Yuto picked up the sword. "I, Sir Yuto Osaku of the Obsidians, accept this gift," he told the King and Queen. He felt the urge to kneel, but he refused. If he was going to start blending in with the rich and elite, he had to stop belittling himself.

"Yeah, but next time Dark Rebellion is anxious to fight someone, please use him in a duel. He seems to have developed the same code of honor you have."

"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the winner of this year's Magic and Wizards tournament: Sir Yuto Osaku of the Obsidians!" the King announced.

Yuto presented himself to the crowd and raised his newly-gifted sword in the air, leading to everyone—now having an understanding as to why he transformed thanks to Zarc—cheered for their new champion. With his newfound confidence and self-esteem, he knew he was finally ready to begin his new life among the rich and elite.

#Arc V Aftermath #yugioh arc v #Yuya Sakaki #Yuto (arc v)#Sora Perse #Sora Shiunin #Rehabilitation

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chocobostrinket · 7 years

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Hi there! I'd like to request reaction scenarios (or headcanons, if easier for you) for the bros who couldn't reach their s/o after the fall of Insomnia only to be told by Iris (or another member of the Crownsguard) that they were severely injured while trying to escape and still recovering in Lestallum? Love me some angst. ;) Thank you for your time.

D: ....here you go. xD I love angst but don’t know if I do it justice.

Noctis:

Someone very dear to him had been left in Insomnia. And he was headed for Altissia. It wasn’t a good thing or a bad one. It just was. They both knew, when they had first started their relationship, that one day they’d have to depart from one another. Because he was a prince and they…he didn’t want to say they were common but that’s how everyone else saw them. No matter how much they cared, their bloodline, or rather their lack of one, would part them. And he did care. He cared almost too much. And the words Ignis had spoken crushed him.

“There was an attack. The imperial army has taken the crown city.”

He felt sick at first. The king, his father, was confirmed dead. That alone was enough to upset him nearly to the point of tears. But then a moment later he recalled the person who he had left behind, and sheer panic flooded his system. When he had a moment alone, he dialed their number on their phone. But there was no answer.

He was distraught to say the least. He’d lost his father. Had he lost them as well? He knew the answer. Considering that they had been a member of the Kingsglaive, and the king was dead…he knew the answer. That would be when they’d go to observe the city at a distance, and they’d see the devastation first hand. Prompto on his behalf would be calling their phone very 5 minutes during the car ride there, in the hope that they’d answer and prove they were alright.

But upon arriving there’d still be no response.

He’d want to fall to his knees and scream at the world upon seeing the crown city in the distance. At the devastation that befell it. Of the dead he could not reach. Lunafreya’s name was added to the list then, and even his own name. How could life take so much away from him in such a short time?

That would be when they all start calling anyone in the city they know, trying to find out who was alive and who was dead. Cor would pick up and Noctis would demand answers. He’d tell them where to meet him, and confirm the king’s death. Noctis would ask about his ‘friend’ and Cor would only say he’d explain more upon seeing Noctis in person.

It’d give him hope. Maybe, just maybe, depending on what Cor said, they’d have made it out alright. Maybe there was one less name on the list of the dead. Finding Cor had been a challenge on it’s own, considering he had already moved on from Hammerhead by the time they reached there. Cindy would make sure they’re all right and give them directions on where to go.

That’s when she’d mention that Cor had a companion with him. One that wasn’t doing too well.

They hurried onward after that, hope beating in Noctis’ chest. Please please please let it be them. And upon reaching the outpost, they’d point him in the direction Cor was. Upon meeting with him, he’d explain things. About the blades he’d have to find, about the king’s motivations, and that the entire Glaive had fallen for their king.

But the the topic would then turn to the one he had managed to save. Most had died of their wounds, but this one? They had fought tooth and nail for their duty, even after being mortally wounded. It hadn’t been enough of course. Nothing would have been enough to stop the destruction of the city and death of the king. But they had held on for so long, long after their fellow glaives had succumbed to their wounds, that he couldn’t just leave them to die. So he brought them with. Did the best he could even after they went unconscious. And had hunters escort them to Lestallum to be taken care of by a friend of his.

He wouldn’t be able to see them for a long time. Cor didn’t even know their name. But the potential for it to be them was what gave him strength to keep moving forward. And even if it wasn’t them…He felt he owed a thanks to this member of the Kingsglaive for fighting for his father until the end.

And when he does get to Lestallum…It’s them. They’re in a wheelchair from how weakened they were, war torn, and despondent. But it’s them. And they’re expected to make a full physical recovery. They have a new scar along their forehead and along their neck from blades. He’s told they also have a few scars along their torso from bullets. It had been a very close call.

But then, it’d be revealed that they don’t remember much of anything. The trauma to their head took their memories away from them, and he’d apologize to them. They’d state he had nothing to apologize for. And on top of that, they’d stand up from their wheelchair, with great difficulty, and kneel before him. They’d state the only thing they do remember is the oath they took to serve the king. And since the previous king had passed, they’d like to stay at his side to serve as soon as they were well enough.

“A Kingsglaive has no purpose without a king to serve.”

It’d hurt. But he wouldn’t want to leave them again. So he’d allow it, and pull them to their feet.

“You stand as my equal now.” He’d mutter. You were always my equal.

How silly they’d been to allow something like bloodlines to part them. And it’d be uncertain if they’d ever be able to be together again with their missing memories. But they would stay by his side. Ifrit’s fire or Shiva’s wind, he wouldn’t let them leave his side ever again.

The others, of course, wouldn’t object. An experienced member of the kingsglaive fighting beside them would be welcome. (Plus, who could bear parting Noctis from the one person he’d managed to recover from the fallen city?) And so, they’d fight beside him, and grow furious with him if he’d try to protect them. Which he would. A lot. He’d fear for them more than he did for himself.

Bonus:

At the back of their mind, they’d felt like there was something important, something they knew they had lost, just within their reach… But they’d never strive to recover it. They pain they had felt every time they tried would keep them from it. And the pain they could see on Noctis’ face would cause them to keep him at arms length.

They’d never recover their memories willingly.

Prompto:

No one but him knew of the person he left behind. He, surprisingly, is very shy about his lovers, past and present. He’d have dozens of photos of his S/O, but those photos would only be for him. Which wasn’t weird…right? He’s not ashamed of them or anything, but he’d be uncomfortable letting his friends know about them for fear of being fun of. And they wouldn’t mind. No, they were patient and kind and loved him unreservedly. And they were willing to wait until he was absolutely sure in their relationship to reveal it.

He came to regret his silly reason for hiding their relationship.

When Insomnia falls, he’s pretty much alone in dealing with the fact they might be gone. The other don’t even KNOW about them after all. And Prompto is horrifyingly good at hiding what he’s feeling. The other’s would have no clue about the turmoil he’d go through. He’d still be the perfect best friend, letting Noctis lean on him and pretending he hadn’t lost anything. Which in truth, compared to the others he really had lost the least. And he let them assume that he hadn’t lost anyone important. Gods above it hurt to pretend as if his S/O didn’t exist, but he’d do it. For Noct’s sake.

They’d see the devastation for themselves, and upon seeing the others take out their phone to call those they cared about in the city. He’d subtly send a text to them, and hope for a response.

‘Darling, please, please answer if you’re alright. Please.’

When days had passed and there was no sign that they had even seen the message, he’d finally break. Mentally and emotionally. The others would worry about him when suddenly, the bubbly gunner would just fall quiet. And stay that way. He’d still be as supportive as ever, but his humor would be almost nonexistent. And though they enjoyed the precision and how ruthless he had become in battle, they’d miss the playful way he used to fight, and the balance he had brought with his actions.

Eventually, they’d corner him and it wouldn’t take much for it to come bursting out. Because he loved them damn it, and they weren’t responding. He was scared, and he didn’t want them to know. He was being selfish by even telling them he’d say. He never wanted to bother any of them with this. And they’d understand. They’d scold him lightly for not telling them sooner, but they’d understand.

They’d let him rest and recover for a while, camping while he worked through his loss. But no matter what they did, he just wouldn’t be the same. Noctis had been supportive and welcoming, and though it would help it wouldn’t heal. Ignis would make an effort to talk more with the youngest of their group, but responses that were sharp, cutting, and to the point would be all he’d get in return. Gladio would try to, literally, smack some sense into him…if only he could get a grip on him. Prompto was a slippery uncatchable little shit when he wanted to be.

Nothing would work and they’d eventually be forced to continue onward with Prompto in his current state. And that’s when suddenly there would be a phone call from their number, and he’d scramble to answer.

“Hello?!”

The voice on the other line was not theirs but he’d fall to his knees all the same. They were alive. Barely though. A coma had them in it’s grips. They had just been removed from the city by some of the few crownsguard left alive doing rescue work and were currently being housed at Lestallum in the hopes that they’d wake up. Apparently they had been caught in the crossfire of a battle. They weren’t sure if it was the MT’s or the city, but someone had set off blast charges. Which caused a building they had been near to implode, and the rubble to knock them into unconsciousness.

From there, they had been taken to a small makeshift hospital where they had been recovering for the past weeks. It was only when they were moved outside the city and were near a power source that their phone reactivated and got their attention when a text notification had pinged. They had hoped there would be someone to contact about them, and Prompto’s number was the first number they tried.

So after being fully updated, with his bros listening in so they knew what was going on, they’d agree to go to Lestallum for Prompto’s sake. To see if there was any hope for his S/O waking soon.

Unfortunately, there was no miraculous wake up. No, they were truly checked out of this world. Which made it easier for Prompto to leave their side to continue on with Noctis. Every time they were in Lestallum though, they’d make it a point to visit them. They were alive. And someday might wake up. That was enough for Prompto.

Bonus:

Their eyes would flutter open, and from their throat, a raspy voice would ask for Prompto. Luckily for them a nurse would be in their room and hurry and call their boyfriend for them. Hearing their voice would cause him to cry. And he’d FORCE everyone to return to Lestallum immediately. Because they’d woken up. And upon arriving he’d dive onto the bed with them and refuse to leave for a few days.

“You scared me, you scared me, I love you.” He’d whisper over and over to them, and they’d just hold onto him in response.

Gladiolus:

Gladio would hold onto hope that they made it out. Even when the king is confirmed dead and they see the burning city with their own eyes, he hopes. Because it’s all he has for now. Iris had told him that she had gotten out of the city largely because of his S/O. They stayed behind to hold back the enemy while her, Talcott, and Jeremy escaped. They wouldn’t have made it out with out their sacrifice.

Don’t call it a sacrifice, they could still yet live.

They had been so close to safety, and yet chose to protect his family instead. Damn their bleeding heart to Ifrit’s flames and back. He loved and hated them for their choice. They knew that his family meant the world to him, but didn’t they realize they meant just as much?

But after a few hours, knowing his father had died doing his duty put things into perspective. People died, and that was that. He’d kill his hope with his own hands and close his eyes. He moved on. With pain and a heaviness in his chest, he moved on. He would whisper prayers to the city, and say goodbye to all he knew. He would then turn his back on them, striding to Noctis’ side to fulfill his destiny. As his father did.

Weeks would pass and the thought of them would still sting. But only barely. His grief is quiet, but he manages to keep going, keep smiling, and eventually he does find himself enjoying life again. He really does manage to move on after a month. But then…His phone rings with an unknown number.

“Did you miss me?” they’d ask, sounding breathless and almost manic.

He’d absolutely demand to know where they’re at and want to see them.

“Another time. Just know I love you-” they’d get cut off and he’d realize, holy shit they’re still in the city and fighting.

He’d be proud of them. Even though they’d hung up, he’d ask that they’d raise hell on his behalf. That would be when Iris would call days later. She let him know that they’re alive, but being escorted out of the city by hunters. They were hurt in their last fight, badly so. But Iris has arranged for them to recover under her care. He’d thank his baby sister for that and ask to make a detour in Lestallum.

Of course, since they’re hurt they’re expected not to move around to much.

As if they cared.

Upon seeing him they’d literally fling themself out the second story window of the hotel and he’d be forced to catch them. They’d wince at the contact, but hang onto him all the same. He’d have to carry them back up to their room, and make them promise not to jump out of the window again. They would, and then they’d describe what happened.

The city, for the most part, is safe. The people there have started resuming their lives, going to work and what not. But others…others were prepared to fight and rage against the imperials until death. They were one of them. They weren’t letting anyone leave the city, even if you were just visiting, which made their fighting dangerous. But they had learned to pass the word on by word of mouth where civilians should stay away from.

In one of the fights, their back had been lit on fire, and they’d have burn scars for the rest of their life. “But I think it just makes me look badass.” They’d joke. But Gladio would notice the slight tremor in their hands. Coming so close to dying had scared them. And he’d wordlessly pull them into a hug and they’d relax. He could see through them and that’s why they loved him.

“I’m useless like this. And you have a duty to do. Gladio, just promise me you’ll come back alive.”

He’d promise, though he wouldn’t know if he’d be able to keep it or not.

Ignis:

He’d be so careful to betray nothing of his fears to the others. Especially not Noctis. Losing the one he left behind was nothing compared to losing everything the prince did. But it’d still hurt him. When he had woken up and first saw the news, he had immediately called them. And they had answered.

“Now’s not a good time Ig. Please....You have to know I love you.”

But then there was a commotion in the background, people clamoring and sounding afraid. He ask what was going on and they’d just say goodbye. He’d do a little more research, and find out anyone in the city was had served the king was a target. As a retainer for the royal family, hat included them.

He’d worry and try calling them again later, but there’d be no response this time. He’d go about his day after that, consoling Noctis and the others, and trying to think rationally. Seeing the city first hand was hard, but he’d still hold it together.

It would be that night that it’d hit him. He might never see never see them again he’d realize. And while putting things away, he’d shed a tear or two. But that’s all he’d allow himself. And nothing would change in his relations with the others.

But then, oddly enough, he’d get a phone call from Iris. He’d ask if she meant to speak to Gladio, but she’d respond no. She’s volunteering at a local hospital in Lestallum and was sorting through some of the belongings of the residents and recognized the name of one of them. And found a note in their belonging adressed to them.

“I think it was to be sent to you if they died.”

He’d make an excuse to go to Lesallum and see for himself, hope coursing through his veins. He’d request that Iris keep this to herself, and she would. And upon arriving he’d have no trouble in locating them. They’d be asleep, recovering from blood loss and some interior damage from a high impact collision. But when he’d take their hand, they’d wake up, and smile the brightest smile he’d ever seen on them.

They’d talk softly and he’d listen. They apologize for worrying him, but he wouldn’t allow them to finish. “You’re safe, and alive. That’s all I ask.”

They’d still have to stay in the hospital till they recovered, but after that they’d join Iris, Jeremy, and Talcott at the hotel, and stay with them until they could go home. It would be indefinite when they’d get to return, but they wouldn’t mind. And Iris would sort of adopt them as another sibling. It wouldn’t be until later they say just what happened.

They’d been afraid when the imperials caught up to them, and brought their ship down in flames. They were one of the only survivors to escape the wreckage. The only reason they survived was that they had been found by hunters and taken to help right away.

He’d be worried about how close they’d come to death, but all in all just thankful to the six they lived.

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ladystylestores · 4 years

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Hong Kong, Stimulus, Huawei: Your Thursday Briefing

The U.S. is considering slapping tariffs on exports from Hong Kong — the same as those applied to goods from mainland China — in response to Beijing’s plan to enact new security laws and tighten its grip on the city.

A strong police presence prevented the protesters from surrounding the city’s government offices. Demonstrators who chanted slogans in malls were quickly rounded up and herded onto police buses.

The police appear more determined to quash the protests and better equipped to do so, our correspondents report. This raises questions about the future of Hong Kong’s pro-democracy movement, which has relied heavily on marches and outdoor rallies to drum up support.

The National People’s Congress, meeting in Beijing today, is expected to adopt a resolution calling for the new security legislation, which democracy advocates say will target dissent.

Dive deeper: Here’s a guide to the protests, which have increasingly become a direct challenge to China’s ruling Communist Party rather than to the territory’s leadership.

The Japanese cabinet approved more than $1 trillion in stimulus funding that includes a combination of subsidies to companies and to people. Parliament is expected to approve the measure next month.

In Brussels, the European Union’s executive arm said it wanted to issue bonds in capital markets to raise 750 billion euros, or $860 billion, to finance the bloc’s economic recovery.

The fund will distribute €500 billion worth of grants — free money that will not be added to national debt — to all 27 member states, with Italy getting the largest slice, followed by Spain.

Related: The main partners in the world’s largest automaking alliance — Renault, Nissan and Mitsubishi — announced a plan to survive the coronavirus’s devastating impact on the car industry. Under the new arrangement, Nissan will be the dominant partner in Japan, China and the United States, while Renault will take the lead in Europe, Russia, Africa and Latin America. Mitsubishi will be in charge of the rest of Asia.

Huawei executive is closer to U.S. trial

A Canadian court ruled that prosecutors had satisfied a critical legal requirement to extradite Meng Wanzhou, the chief financial officer of the Chinese technology giant, to the U.S., where she would face trial on sweeping fraud charges.

Mrs. Meng will have another chance to fight for release at a June 15 hearing on the argument that her rights were violated during her arrest.

She was arrested in Vancouver in December 2018 at the request of the United States and indicted the following month.

Background: The case has thrust Canada into the middle of a diplomatic struggle between the U.S. and China: over trade, theft of technology secrets and whether Huawei’s efforts to help countries build 5G mobile networks present a threat to national security. The court decision is expected to further strain Canada’s own relations with China.

If you have 5 minutes, this is worth it

A Michelin-starred chef feeds the poor in India

The Michelin-starred chef has overcome logistical hurdles, corruption and unwanted marriage proposals to send food packages and hot meals to those in need in his home country.

Here’s what else is happening

SpaceX launch: Two NASA astronauts are scheduled to blast off from U.S. soil to the International Space Station, the first U.S. launch of a crewed mission in nearly a decade. Liftoff is scheduled for 4:33 p.m. Eastern at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida on Wednesday (that’s 6:33 a.m. today in Sydney).

Anime studio fire: Shinji Aoba, 42, recovered enough from the injuries he suffered in a fire at an animation studio in Kyoto last July to be arrested on suspicion of setting it. The attack killed 36 people and injured dozens more, and further shocked Japan for its targeting of a symbol of the country’s popular culture and a major soft-power export.

Locusts in India: With coronavirus infections steadily rising, a heat wave in the capital, and 100 million people out of work, the country now has to fight off a new problem. Scientists say a locust invasion blanketing half a dozen states in western and central India is the worst in 25 years.

Trump tweets: In a first, Twitter has added information to refute inaccuracies in some of President Trump’s tweets, after years of pressure over its inaction on his false and threatening posts.

Snapshot: Above, the Quai d’Anjou in Paris during the coronavirus lockdown. Our photographer Mauricio Lima has followed in the footsteps of Eugène Atget, an early 20th-century father of modern photography who shot an empty city, getting up early to capture Paris’ architecture during a moment of stillness.

What we’re reading: This essay by Marilynne Robinson in The New York Review of Books. Steven Erlanger, our chief diplomatic correspondent for Europe, writes, “The author of ‘Gilead,’ one of the best American novels, tries to think through what this virus shows about the United States, and asks what kind of country we want it to be.”

Now, a break from the news

Watch: “Douglas” is the new Netflix special by the comedian Hannah Gadsby. The Times Magazine interviewed her about life on the autism spectrum, online trolls and how trauma plays into comedy.

Listen: Here are seven works of music that speak to the coronavirus time warp, in which days creep along but months vanish in a flash.

And now for the Back Story on …

A reporter’s tips on recovering from Covid-19

Maggie Astor, one of our political reporters based in New York, and her husband became sick with Covid-19 in late March and managed to recover at home.

Maggie wrote about the ordeal and shared some valuable advice, especially on how to maintain a healthy state of mind during the illness. Here’s an excerpt:

Having Covid-19 is intensely stressful. It’s not unusual to feel depressed or anxious, or to have panic attacks. Don’t be embarrassed to talk to your doctor about your mental health — it’s just as important as your physical health.

It’s also OK to not be OK. You don’t have to handle this “well,” whatever that means. You just have to get through each day. So go ahead and cry, binge Netflix, do a jigsaw puzzle, reread the entire “Animorphs” series — whatever gets you through the day.

Some people have mild symptoms for the first few days and then suddenly get sicker. Some have fevers that go up and down repeatedly. Some are sick for two weeks straight, then have a few symptom-free days, then relapse. Some have lingering symptoms for months.

This is both maddening and very common. Give yourself as much time to rest as your job and financial situation will allow. For me and for several colleagues, that meant nearly three weeks of sick time.

Since tweeting about my experience last month, I’ve received many emails from people in the “this will never end” phase. I share the same screenshot with all of them: a text I sent to a friend on April 5.

“Why do I even bother giving good news when it’s only going to last a few hours?” I wrote. “I’m just so tired of this. I don’t know how to keep dealing with it.”

Every day, more people will hit that wall — and every day, more people will find their way past it. They will feel alone, but they won’t be.

That’s it for this briefing. See you next time.

— Carole

Thank you To Theodore Kim and Jahaan Singh for the break from the news. You can reach the team at [email protected].

P.S. • We’re listening to “The Daily.” Our latest episode is about the threat that the coronavirus is posing to the U.S. Postal Service. • Here’s our Mini Crossword, and a clue: Prize for Malala Yousafzai (five letters). You can find all our puzzles here. • Jeffrey Gettleman, our South Asia bureau chief, recently appeared on CBS News to talk about the coronavirus in Mumbai.

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krisiunicornio · 5 years

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Yoga teacher Tatiana Forero Puerta, author of Yoga for the Wounded Heart, shares what she’s learned about trauma, clearing emotional patterns, and finding a vision for the future.

Tatiana Forero Puerta

If at the age of 20 you would’ve asked me to imagine my life 15 years in the future, I wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer. I couldn’t see my life in those terms. When I looked into my future then, I simply saw a field of blackness; my potential was not just obfuscated—it was inaccessible. This is what trauma does: It blinds us. One of the effects of deep suffering, especially during childhood, is that it can rob us of our vision.

I lost my father back in my homeland of Bogotá, Colombia, when I was eight years old. The last time I saw him, he knelt at the doorstep of our apartment and gave me a tight squeeze, consoling me as I cried. He assured me he would be back from his business trip in three days’ time, but on his way home his car was hit head-on by a drunk driver. My father and three of his co-workers lost their lives that night. He was 36.

The last time I saw my mother, I was 14. I held her and stroked her balding head, and when I kissed it, I remember feeling as though I were kissing a baby’s head; it was so soft, so innocent. My mother, emaciated and childlike after a short, brutal battle with pancreatic cancer, took her last breaths in my arms. She was 40.

See also A Yoga Therapist Shares The Truth About Trauma

Facing Childhood as an Orphan

After my parents’ shocking and premature deaths, I was transferred to a foster home where the child abuse became so severe that my sister and I were eventually removed, only to be returned to the same place a year later. These profound and destabilizing experiences in my youth became the framework for my identity: Tatiana, the orphan. Tatiana, the girl without a home.

By the time I hit my early 20s, I had lived in and out of nearly 30 different homes, unable to find grounding. I felt isolated, and I had no idea what to do with all my pain. What was more is that when I looked into my future, all I could access was my parents’ deaths. I could not picture a reality where I would get to live beyond the years that my parents were given. And, at 22, as the anniversary of my father’s death approached, I subconsciously wanted to ensure that his fate would become mine, and I attempted to take my own life.

See also 5 Practices to Invite Transformation.

What Are Samskaras and How do You Heal Them?

These were some of my deepest samskaras—the mental and emotional impressions or patterns that become imprinted in our psyches as a result of our experiences. The body of yoga, not just as a physical practice, but as a mental, emotional, and spiritual discipline and guide into our consciousness and psyche, teaches us that these impressions can greatly affect how we experience and interpret the circumstances of our lives, and hence greatly impact our capacity for happiness and our experiences of suffering. The intensity of each samskara depends on a variety of factors, including our age, vulnerability, and ability to cope with or assimilate situations. Samskaras stay with us beyond the time we first have an experience, and, when unchecked, can have devastating consequences. They may taint the way we see and experience ourselves and our world, keeping us in the loop of suffering, or avidyā, translated as misconception, ignorance, or non-seeing. In other words, samskaras that we are unaware of or that we don’t heal have the capacity to blind us from what is here, keeping us tethered to a past version of our experiences.

Today, advanced studies in neuroscience and psychology have confirmed what the wisdom of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra suggested more than 2,000 years ago: first, that the brain is physically and functionally affected as a result of traumas or profound samskaras, and that these changes can affect individuals’ self-concepts—their visions of themselves and their lives—and second, perhaps most importantly, that the brain also has the capacity to heal, to rewire or rewrite the impression, so that it can be experienced differently. Instead of throwing us into the habitual pain of suffering, we can learn to experience a pause, see a lesson, or even gain insight for which we become grateful.

See also Find Your Willpower with This Samskara-Busting Sequence

The Necessity of Daily Practice

But the work is ongoing, and the depths of our conditioning is astounding. Even years after being on the yogic path, I was blindsided by a new aspect of the same samskara of my youth, the one that kept me tethered to my experiences with early and untimely death, even though I thought I had healed it. Upon the birth of my son, my first weeks of motherhood were spent in abject terror. I’d hold my tiny newborn tightly and feel overwhelmed by the fear that either he or I would suddenly die. It was excruciating to have someone else hold him; I wanted him at my side at all times. Anything else would give rise in me to powerful sensations that seemed to take over my body, rob me of rationality, and throw me into a tailspin of panic. I had recurring death-themed nightmares, and when I looked into my future with my child, I once again experienced the blackness—the blinding of my possibility.

Petrified and facing continual panic attacks resembling those of my youth, I turned to my practice: This time, I had tools. I had the understanding that this fear felt true to me because of my wiring, and I knew that it could be reframed, that it could be healed. Through my practice, I worked with this hidden aspect of an old samskara, one that might not have shown up had I not decided to become a mother.

I practiced despite the discomfort, and met my fear again and again with a curious mind and a forgiving heart. I came with the willingness to greet what was here, armed with my breath and the faith—the awareness—of the power of this practice. Some days I cried. Some days I got flashbacks. Some days I felt relief. Little by little my symptoms decreased. The beauty of healing is that it arrives with vision and insight: insight into my parents’ experiences, insight into the softness of vulnerability, insight into the human proclivity to cling when we love, and into the practice of trusting that life is here to support us when we learn to let go. The work helped me find examples that contradicted my terror: Instead of seeing my parents’ early deaths as the markers for my experience, my practice began to open my eyes to the many, many adult friends I had with adult children who were alive and thriving. It was possible, then—even probable—that my son and I were going to be OK.

See also The Avoidance Mechanisms We Have to Face In Order To Heal

Today, I believe that I am living proof of Patanjali’s assertion that the yogic path is a radical vehicle for clearing our samskaras. The work has not been easy; it has been painstaking and constant. It has been eye- and heart-opening.

It is through this very process of rewiring that I find myself here today, in my mid-30s, having outlived my father and walking toward the precipice of my mother’s age when she passed. I find myself hand-in-hand with my amazing three-year-old son. Today, when I look toward the horizon in front of me, I see a vast field of possibility. I see my son grown up, our relationship blossoming; I see the fruits of my labor, the hours spent in practice and the wisdom gained from these practices; I see many sunrises and sunsets. My yoga gave me back my vision, and in many ways, it has given me back my life.

See also Here’s How We’re Using Our Experience of Trauma to Help Others

About the author

Tatiana Forero Puerta is the author of Yoga for the Wounded Heart: A Journey, Philosophy, and Practice of Healing Emotional Pain and Cleaning the Ghost Room (forthcoming, 2020). A graduate of Stanford University and New York University, Tatiana has taught philosophy and yoga for more than a decade. Learn more at yogaforthewoundedheart.com.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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cedarrrun · 5 years

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Yoga teacher Tatiana Forero Puerta, author of Yoga for the Wounded Heart, shares what she’s learned about trauma, clearing emotional patterns, and finding a vision for the future.

Tatiana Forero Puerta

See also A Yoga Therapist Shares The Truth About Trauma

Facing Childhood as an Orphan

See also 5 Practices to Invite Transformation.

What Are Samskaras and How do You Heal Them?

See also Find Your Willpower with This Samskara-Busting Sequence

The Necessity of Daily Practice

See also The Avoidance Mechanisms We Have to Face In Order To Heal

See also Here’s How We’re Using Our Experience of Trauma to Help Others

About the author

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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amyddaniels · 5 years

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Overcoming Past Trauma to Create a New Future

Yoga teacher Tatiana Forero Puerta, author of Yoga for the Wounded Heart, shares what she’s learned about trauma, clearing emotional patterns, and finding a vision for the future.

Tatiana Forero Puerta

See also A Yoga Therapist Shares The Truth About Trauma

Facing Childhood as an Orphan

See also 5 Practices to Invite Transformation.

What Are Samskaras and How do You Heal Them?

See also Find Your Willpower with This Samskara-Busting Sequence

The Necessity of Daily Practice

See also The Avoidance Mechanisms We Have to Face In Order To Heal

See also Here’s How We’re Using Our Experience of Trauma to Help Others

About the author

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nancygduarteus · 7 years

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When Kids Have to Act Like Parents, It Affects Them for Life

Laura Kiesel was only six years old when she became a parent to her infant brother. At home, his crib was placed directly next to her bed, so that when he cried at night, she was the one to pick him up and sing him back to sleep. She says she was also in charge of changing his diapers and making sure he was fed every day. For the majority of her early childhood, she remembers that she tended to his needs while her own mother was in the depths of heroin addiction.

From as early as she can remember, Kiesel says she had to take care of herself—preparing her own meals, clothing herself, and keeping herself entertained. At school, she remembers becoming a morose and withdrawn child whose hair was often dirty and unkempt.

It was a dark time made even bleaker by her mother’s violent outbursts. “During dope sickness, she would unleash a lot of fury onto me,” said Kiesel, a 38-year-old freelance writer. “I became the buffer or scapegoat of her rage to divert it [from] my younger (much more defenseless) brother.” (Kiesel’s mother is no longer living.)

At one point, she says she learned to take her small brother and kitten into their bathroom and barricade the door to keep them safe. “I felt a lot of weight on my shoulders, like my brother could die without me there,” Kiesel remembers.

She started breaking out in severe hives for months at a time, which she believes were triggered by the “burden of loneliness and responsibilities at that age.” Becoming responsible for an infant at such a young age came with a toll, she explained. “I sometimes picked on my brother or was quick to shove or slap his arm because I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to handle the shrieks of a 2-year-old when I was eight.”

Eventually, at age nine, Kiesel and and her 3-year-old brother were taken in by their grandparents, but the trauma of their former living situation stayed with the children. By the time Kiesel was 14, she says she suffered from daily panic attacks, OCD, and depression. It wasn’t until she was older, she says, that she began to understand the connection between her childhood experiences and numerous chronic illnesses.

Kiesel’s story is one of what psychologists refer to as destructive parentification—a form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. Researchers are increasingly finding that in addition to upending a child’s development, this role reversal can leave deep emotional scars well into adulthood. Many, like Kiesel, experience severe anxiety, depression, and psychological distress. Others report succumbing to eating disorders and substance abuse.

“The symptoms look similar to some extent, from cradle to grave,” said Lisa M. Hooper, a professor at the University of Louisville and prominent parentification researcher. Some of these behaviors start out in childhood, and become exacerbated in adulthood, she explains.

“Children’s distrust of their interpersonal world is one of the most destructive consequences of such a process,” writes Gregory Jurkovic in his book Lost Childhoods: The Plight of the Parentified Child.

While there is a large body of literature that focuses on the neglect children experience from their parents, there’s less examination of how this neglect puts kids in roles of parenting each other. And there is virtually no empirical research on how this affects relationship dynamics later in life—both with siblings and others. Scholars agree that there are gaps in sibling research—primarily an incomplete understanding of how these relationships and roles are affected by abusive family environments. Hooper noted that “the literature is very scarce in this area.”

In Kiesel’s case, looking after her brother as a kid has led to a tenuous and chaotic relationship with him over the years, fraught with bouts of estrangement and codependency. Though they remain close, there were periods where she and her brother didn’t speak for months at a time. “My brother is constantly on the edge of some crisis (a health crisis from his drinking, homelessness, etc.) so it is a worry that never goes completely away,” she told me in an email.

Her brother, Matthew Martin, 32, acknowledges the role their upbringing has played in these dynamics. “She was the only protector that I had,” he recalls. “My mother was a hard-core addict from very early on.” Throughout his childhood and early teens, he says he relied on Kiesel for the emotional support his mother couldn’t provide.

“We’ve had our fair share of arguments about [my addictions] and it’s hard, because she wants me to have some longevity. She wants me to be around for her the way that she was for me.”

* * *

From the age of eight until she left home at 15, Rene, who asked to be identified by her first name only because she was concerned about upsetting her family, says she would pick up her three younger siblings from daycare, bring them home, feed and bathe them, read them stories, and put them to bed. “Basically, I played the role of mother,” said the 50-year-old Oregon resident. She remembers standing on a chair as a child and cooking dinner for her entire family. In spite of the enormous burden of responsibility, she recalls it as a role she cherished. “I have really fond memories, particularly of reading them stories in bed at night.”

But Rene’s home life was far from peaceful. She says her mother’s alcoholism prevented her from properly caring for her five children, placing the task of child-rearing on the shoulders of Rene and her older brother. (Rene’s mother is no longer living.) But just as Rene took care of her younger siblings, she and her older brother relied on each other for emotional support.

“I think that it’s important to recognize that a lot of parentification is codependent,” she said, “Perhaps one sibling is the one who does the dishes and cleans the house, and takes care of the mom who is sick or drunk.” She explains that the other sibling might be the one who provides more emotional support, either by listening to problems or comforting.

Just as Wendy assumed the role of “mother” for the Lost Boys in Peter Pan, parentified siblings often forge symbiotic relationships, where they meet each others’ needs for guardians in a lot of different ways.

“We know that siblings can buffer each other from the impacts of stressful relationships with parents,” said Amy K. Nuttall, an assistant professor in human development and family studies at Michigan State University. This may account for why some parentified siblings who come from abusive homes end up maintaining close, albeit complex, bonds into adulthood, with some “continuing to attempt to fill parental needs at the expense of their own.”

Still, Nuttall adds, others may distance themselves from their families altogether in order to escape the role.

Rene found herself homeless after she was kicked out of her mother’s house when she was 15 years old. She says her siblings still blame her for leaving them behind. “When you think about it, if you’re parentified and you leave your younger siblings, it’s like having a parent abandon them,” said Rene. For years after, she was plagued by feelings of guilt—a common experience among people who have been parentified.

Sibling relationships usually generate a lifelong bond, yet for Rene, freedom from caretaking responsibilities came at a cost: the loss of her family. “I don’t have a relationship with my siblings anymore,” she says.

* * *

Unpredictable childhood trauma has long-lasting effects on the brain. Studies have shown that people with adverse childhood experiences are more likely to suffer from mental and physical health disorders, leading people to experience a chronic state of high stress reactivity. One study found that children exposed to ongoing stress released a hormone that actually shrank the size of their hippocampus, an area of the brain that processes memory, emotion, and stress management. Individuals who have experienced emotional or physical neglect by a parent are also at a greater risk of suffering from chronic illness as adults.

“Chronic, unpredictable stress is toxic when there’s no reliable adult,” said Donna Jackson Nakazawa, the author of Childhood Disrupted and a science journalist who focuses on the intersection of neuroscience and immunology.

Nakazawa has conducted extensive research on the body-brain connection, with a focus on studies initiated by physicians Vincent Felitti and Robert Anda. Their work on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) has since grown into a burgeoning field with hundreds of peer-reviewed studies. The findings show that people who experienced four categories of childhood adversity—physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, and neglect—were twice as likely to be diagnosed with cancer and depression as adults.

More links have been found between childhood stressors and adult heart disease, diabetes, migraines, and irritable bowel syndrome.

Jordan Rosenfeld, a 43-year-old author from California, attributes her own digestive issues to her childhood. When her mother was in the throes of substance abuse, she says, there were times she didn’t have food to eat. By the time she left home at 18, she began suffering from chronic pain after eating.

In adulthood, Rosenfeld noticed it was hard to regulate her emotions around hunger. “If I’m out with friends and we can’t decide on a restaurant, and I’m hungry—I can actually go into a little bit of a meltdown,” she said. “And I can trace that back to literally not having been fed as a child at various junctures.”

From an early age, Rosenfeld recalls having to remind her mother when they needed groceries and pulling her out of bed in the mornings to get to school on time. “I did a lot of that kind of parenting her, in a way, because what I was trying to do was get parented myself.” Because of this, she says she often distrusts that other people will take care of things. “That’s why I tend to step up and do it myself.”

Jordan’s mother, Florence Shields, remembers it was a depressing time in both their lives. “I had welfare for a while and I think that my diet—because of drugs and alcohol—wasn’t very good, and she probably got the brunt of that.” As a recovering alcoholic, Shields, who is now retired and lives in Petaluma, California, says she lacked the tools for parenting due to her own upbringing and history of tragedy.

When she became a mother at age 24, Shields was still grieving the loss of her older brother who died unexpectedly when she was 18. Opioids and alcohol were a way of coping with this loss, she says.“It’s like that grief is in there with you because that person is with you for the rest of your life, so when sad things come up, there he is.”

While both Rosenfeld and her mother have since attended therapy sessions together as adults, the effects of parentification continue to this day. Shields recognizes that her earlier struggles with addiction have profoundly influenced her daughter’s behavior. “Jordan is very orderly and in control,” she said by phone. When Rosenfeld’s father later remarried and had children of his own, Rosenfeld learned to project her role of caretaker onto her siblings. “I spent a lot of time babysitting them as a teenager and I think it’s been a challenge for me to separate out feeling like I’m a parent to them.”

This has often caused rifts between the siblings into adulthood, Rosenfeld says. “I’ve always been somebody who thinks it’s my job to offer help, care, and advice even when it’s not asked for.”

* * *

How does someone learn that becoming self-reliant is safer than trusting others? Nakazawa believes that in destructive parentification, “you don’t have a reliable adult to turn to.” And if a child’s early experiences at home consisted of making sure everyone else’s needs were met, then the “child doesn’t feel seen.”

This sense of responsibility and compulsive caretaking can follow them into future relationships as well. “You tend to project it onto other people in your life,” Rosenfeld says. This isn’t surprising, claims Jenny Macfie, an associate director of clinical training at the University of Tennessee and another prominent parentification researcher, as “adults who report role confusion in their childhoods may have difficulty with their identity development,” and this in turn, can affect a person’s romantic relationships.

For the first half of her marriage, Rosenfeld found herself regularly putting her partner’s needs ahead of her own—essentially mirroring her childhood role.

Others echoed this experience; Kiesel says she struggles with learning how to establish firm boundaries with partners and believes this is directly tied to caring for her brother at a young age. Similarly, Rene says finding the right balance between expectation and autonomy has been a constant problem in her relationships. She’d like to find a partner but has doubts. “It’s very easy for me to get into caretaking roles with people who basically exploit my nature.”

But these effects often go beyond the individual—studies by Nuttall and others have found that destructive parentification in a family can carry over to other generations as well. “Mothers who were overburdened by taking care of their parents during childhood have a poorer understanding of their infant’s developmental needs and limitations,” explained Nuttall. This, consequently, “leads to a parenting style that lacks warmth and sensitivity.”

* * *

As of today, there is scarce research on treatment or prevention efforts. How can a parentified sibling heal? Nakazawa believes that recognizing how these psychological puzzle pieces all fit together can be a step in the right direction. “Physically and mentally, the architecture of the brain has changed, the immune system has changed, and without that validation, you can’t begin an appropriate healing journey.”

Some people have found community through Al-Anon, a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics. “The group has a really strong focus on explaining what codependency is and offering solutions for learning new behaviors,” explained Rosenfeld. She’s attended the meetings for over a year now and says she’s noticed a tremendous change in her habits and awareness of how to set boundaries. “I’ve learned that I can’t just blame people in my life with substance abuse issues for causing me suffering; I have a choice in taking care of myself,” she says.

Despite negative outcomes associated with parentification, researchers say that going through that experience also confers some advantages that can help people later in life. Hooper believes that people who have been parentified as children possess a greater capacity for resiliency and self-efficacy. Nakazawa echoes this. “Current [American] culture thinks of resiliency as gutting it out and getting through, and one foot in front of the other,” she says. “But resiliency is learning and making meaning from what happened.”

A common thread found in people with these shared childhood experiences is a heightened sense of empathy and an ability to more closely connect to others. This is not to say that the negative impacts of their childhood are diminished, says Nakazawa, but that many are able to forge meaning out of their suffering. “People begin to see that their path to well-being must take into account the way in which trauma changed their story,” she explains, “And once they’re able to do that, they can also see how resiliency is also important in their story.”

For Kiesel, the freelance writer who cared for her brother from a young age, counseling and Al-Anon have helped her feel less personally responsible for her brother, though she laments the lack of support networks for siblings who have been parentified and have their own specific needs.

Though her relationship with her brother remains tenuous because of his addictions, she continues to look out for him by regularly calling and checking in on him every month.

Martin admits that to this day, she remains the voice of positivity and reason in his life. “I'm struggling with my own demons, but like my sister says, there is a future there for me.”

As Kiesel explains: “Our mother and grandmother died a few months apart, and our grandfather a little over a year later—so essentially, we're all we have left.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975/?utm_source=feed

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ionecoffman · 7 years

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When Kids Have to Act Like Parents, It Affects Them for Life

“We’ve had our fair share of arguments about [my addictions] and it’s hard, because she wants me to have some longevity. She wants me to be around for her the way that she was for me.”

* * *

Still, Nuttall adds, others may distance themselves from their families altogether in order to escape the role.

* * *

More links have been found between childhood stressors and adult heart disease, diabetes, migraines, and irritable bowel syndrome.

* * *

For the first half of her marriage, Rosenfeld found herself regularly putting her partner’s needs ahead of her own—essentially mirroring her childhood role.

* * *

Though her relationship with her brother remains tenuous because of his addictions, she continues to look out for him by regularly calling and checking in on him every month.

Martin admits that to this day, she remains the voice of positivity and reason in his life. “I'm struggling with my own demons, but like my sister says, there is a future there for me.”

As Kiesel explains: “Our mother and grandmother died a few months apart, and our grandfather a little over a year later—so essentially, we're all we have left.”

Article source here:The Atlantic

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