#was that tmi? that feels tmi. oh well

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

more outfit requests, ft some pretty fellas!

Anna Valerious Frank for @sheriffopossum, & sparkly dress Wally for @wheatlover <3

#thank you for the Looks! #also possum thank you for giving me an excuse to Remember the source of my gay awakening #and the added excuse to try and scribble her banger outfit #i watched van helsing exactly once when i was Small #can't remember anything from that movie except her and the monster thing swooping down #and also van helsing on top of her. dont remember his face but by fuck i remember her in Vivid detail #was that tmi? that feels tmi. oh well #anyway the sparkly dress was fun! im unsure if i've ever drawn an actual dress before! #its always skirts.... #in my mind he's having a little trouble keeping his balance. those are some High heels #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #valerious' outfit was tough to draw #twas a Very fun challenge #it was difficult finding clear photos of her outfits' details #since a lot were either low lighting or cosplays or video game things or somethin #also her hair - gorgeous beautiful stunning - covered an important chunk of the fit #BUT I FOUND IT!!! I FOUND THE DETAILS!!! #took me a solid hour but i found it all #it was a nice excuse to gaze respectfully but Directly at her #anna valerious i had it for you before i even knew gay people existed <3

[youremyonlyhope]

Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website #trichotillomania #dermatillomania #onychophagia #bfrb #body focused repetitive behavior #ocd #guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin #apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week #and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative' #because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers #so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!' #currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days #actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly. #i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it #but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that. #but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me. #and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh #anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling #sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.

[thschei]

I didn't post about it at the time bc I was in Such horrendous pain from periods and migraines

(TLDR the birth control I was on had switched manufacturers and it turned my mental health into the dictionary definition of "female hysteria", so to avoid checking myself into a psych ward I stopped taking it, and the au naturale amount of pain my uterus inflicted on me was So, So Much. At one point the sound of my own whimpering woke me up and I realized I'd been sobbing in my sleep, and my mom basically insisted that I take one of her painkillers. I didn't want to, as addiction runs in the family, and I had hallucinations, but I did get a couple hours of peace. My original intent making an appointment with my gyno was to just ask for a different pill, but at the appointment I was running on 2 hours of sleep and hedged my luck by asking for a hysterectomy, after having mostly given up after being told "no, I would not give you a hysterectomy unless you were in your 40's and already had kids" by every doctor I'd previously asked)

that I was living like a zombie, struggling to sleep and needing to use 2 heating pads for hours at a time, and could barely be on social media at all. But when my gynecologist agreed to give me ✨the long sought after hysterectomy✨ he apologized profusely and said that he couldn't do it laparoscopically (I assume he, being in his 60's or 70's and born and raised in this horrible little one-horse farm town, wasn't trained to use the machinery?) and that normally he would offer to refer me to a different doctor who Could do it laparoscopically, but he really didn't think any other gynecologist would agree to perform a hysterectomy on a 23 yr old. He said he'd try to make the incision scar as small as possible and below my bikini line, because he knew that a lot of patients became self-conscious of their scars.

My mom's reaction was like, the Miette copypasta. "You're going to CUT OPEN my BABY with COLD STEEL and LEAVE A SCAR?!"

(My mom is deathly afraid of surgery; it wasn't entirely her overprotectiveness that contributed to this reaction. She even really really loved this doctor because she used to work in the building across from his office, and they'd chat in the parking lot, so she'd spent years telling me I should try him. I was sitting there like, why are you getting cold feet about this now? 😭)

My reaction, though, was to say, "Oh, no no, I would love a scar! It'll be a reminder that I overcame all those years of pain that my body put me through! That's perfectly fine with me :) <3" . I Wanted to ask him to make the incision as big as it reasonably needed to be and on my stomach instead of my bikini line (so I could show it off to people . obvi . ), but I was already asking him to sterilize a 23 yr old, and I was pretty afraid that if I said too many weird things, that he might walk back his decision or decide I needed a psych eval before the surgery. I wanted that mf out of my body since I was 10, I didn't want to postpone the surgery or jeopardize my chances of this happening, so I was Trying to be Chill. Not an easy thing for me, you understand.

My mom was like, you can get a tattoo of a scar! You don't need actual abdominal surgery to achieve it!"

I was like yes I do <3 and signed the consent paperwork, had the necessary ultrasound and bloodwork and covid test to be cleared for surgery. And my scar has unfortunately faded a lot over the last 3 years, bc my doctor did keep his word of making the incision small (which was very very thoughtful of him, just like not what my bonked brain wanted) but it's still a little red in the center and the skin still feels raised across the line.

My main point in posting all this is that with top/bottom surgery, the scars are basically non-negotiable, compared to a hysterectomy having the option of being done through laparoscopy. I don't really think I want top or bottom surgery personally, but I like to think that all of us who get any type of gender-affirming surgery (which my hysterectomy partially was; it eliminated so much dysphoria. The pain was just the top reason I wanted it, and allowed me to avoid coming out as trans in my very conservative state/conservative small town within this terrible state) feel our surgery scars and feel happy and at peace from them <3 Love and peace on planet earth, etc.

(I did do a write up on my surgery a few days after I got out of the hospital that you could read if you want, but it's pretty TMI, like discussing catheters, bc I mainly wrote it for close friends who'd been worrying about me in the 4 days I wasn't really online from the pain, so read at your own risk. You can also see my face in it. I updated it a bit now to fix some pain-induced typos from 2021.)

#erin talks #text #selfie tag #long post #I would've put a read more but I feel like it might benefit someone to read about having a hysterectomy #also in that link I sound sooo much more naive 💀 I really truly didn't realize it wasn't normal that I could walk after abdominal surgery #until one of my friends was like #No erin most people Can't walk less than 12 hours after abdominal surgery . your body is just #a fucking anomaly . WELL this is the freak of nature family!! #at the same time tho not much has changed (being in an unreal amount of pain and prioritizing others over myself despite that) #anyway I took a long time typing this out bc I was trying to not be too TMI on a public platform #I haven't really made personal posts anywhere besides my locked twt account since 2014 #oh my god tumblr fucked up the tags so bad

[running-in-the-dark]

also.. I've been thinking more about the fact that we'll be living with my in-laws again.

we lived with them before, for about 🤔 four years (I moved in after my dad died). and it was.... how do I put this. not the best time. they're nice, technically, but very distant and cold. so I'm kinda scared of interacting with them and mostly just... didn't.

so I'm probably going to be stuck in our bedroom there for the entire two months. with our two cats. without all my stuff. I love my stuff, I feel lost without it, so that's not great. I'll only be bringing what I absolutely need (and probably my painting supplies - I will go insane if I have nothing to do), so that's going to feel weird.

and I've been thinking about how annoying certain aspects of living there (again) will be. except more annoying now since I won't ever be fully alone. which. hm. I don't like it. (I love our cats and of course it's not the same as having humans around all the time but.. idk I just need my space sometimes 😭)

#and. I mean. certain aspects. of that. will be annoying #can't say because I can't talk about these things but. yeah. not great #annnyway #it's just two months. about 8 weeks. possibly a little less even. #that's doable #and let's be real this current phase (my obsession with a certain fictional guy) will probably be over soon bc that's how it usually #goes and then. well at least that one aspect won't be an issue 😬 #that feels so tmi even though I didn't actually say anything wow I really have issues. #anyway I'll probably feel like shit for two months but then it'll be better after that! hopefully. in theory. maybe possibly who knows #I know I'd be terrified right now if I didn't have my anxiety meds. oh it was so bad before/during the first move especially #and last time it was awful because my health wasn't great #I think I feel okay-ish now mostly. so I hope that'll make it a bit easier #oof I really need to sleep #personal

[aemonds-sapphire]

💭

#thee.speaks #tmi ahead #the thing about writing virginity loss fics is that I have no clue how to work with it #because my first time was awful #even thought there was something wrong with me because his dick wouldn’t slide in 🤦‍♀️ #we were both inexperienced and each other’s first so yeah… I gave him a pass for that #but every single girl I talk to describes their first time as either meh or just painful and awful #I have done some research and there are accounts of girls enjoying it either cause they hymen was already torn #and/or #because their partner was experienced enough #so idk…. I really want to write this for aemond and reader but I either go hardcore when it comes to foreplay to prepare the reader #or idk what I’ll do cause when your hymen breaks it really hurts and #you don’t immediately start feeling pleasure right after #dunno who spread that in fanfiction but that is not realistic at all #my first time was really awful lol… even peeing right after would sting… and the bleeding… #oh well… I’ll have to see what I can come with for part 3 of inexperience/innocence

[raystie]

wow my last post was in Feb so despite not really having a following here I still feel obligated to say I'm going through a Bad Time both mentally and physically rn I can't even be bothered to think about or play Yakuza or do anything really. not dead but I sure feel like I'm on the way there rn. won't be here for a while take care everyone

#ray txt #well if you really wanna know the tmi details I'm putting it in the tags because I love overshsring #short version is entered depressive episode couldn't regulate my emotions constant crying and racing thoughts and mood swings #eventually psychosomatic symptoms caused by anxiety gets bad enough I start also having health anxiety and freaking out that I had some #disease or illness and that I was gonna die #if you've ever had your body feel like it's dying because of anxiety it's the typical shit #chest feels tight and like it's being crushed and like I can't breathe #random pains all over sometimes muscles or stabbing pains across torso #random nausea sweating and constant loss of appetite but maybe that was the depression #anyway after multiple crying sessions and nights where I couldn't sleep until like 8am and my parents considering putting me in #psych rehab (idea got scrapped) I go see some specialists #they check my blood piss uterus (irregular cycles I only get it every 2-4 months for years now) #and x-rays and they tell me actually everything looks fine physically! there's nothing wrong anywhere they can see and all my Levels are #perfectly Normal and Average I don't have a disease or illness or deficit #so all those pains and suffering really was just psychologically manifested and my brain made it up #andi know it's true because after that visit the chest pain was a lot less Andi can breathe better now #wait but that's not the end of it! #the gyne thinks I could have PCOS but can't confirm so I get my hormones tested and turns out I have more prolactin than normal #that fool made it sound like I Needed to get a MRI scan to check the gland that produces it in my brain or whatever #i go see an endocrinologist who says oh actually the extra prolactin is most likely just from your psychiatric medications #turns out if you take those it's commonly seen to go up so I didn't have to get scanned #this was optional but he suggested I take cabergoline to lower it and also get my menstruation regular again #and that's what I'm doing now but I feel like I had forgotten what having a period is like after always going for months without it #Oh and then I saw a new psychiatrist. because I had serotonin syndrome before and my body reacts badly to medications I've taken #he suggests a sensitivity blood test which I agreed to IMMEADIATELY because I've spent almost a whole decade taking all sorts of meds and #none of it working out #I haven't gotten the results back but he also said SSRIs are out of the question #although I've tried a bunch of antipsychotics and (prescribed) ADHD medications and they didn't work out #really want this fucking test because taking a med and then getting blasted with side effects makes me feel like a guinea pig being #experimented on

[oveliagirlhaditright]

-randomly sees a screenshot of jamie and lily from the city of bones movie, where they seem to embody jace and clary, and am once again sad that we didn't get a city of ashes movie-

#like. to be clear. i KNOW that the city of bones movie has flaws--and i can tell you what they all are--but for me at least the positives #outweigh the negatives #and one of those things is that the cast really was perfect imo (and a lot of other people's opinions too) #though that's not to insult the shadowhunters cast at all of course. i think they're great and did the best with what they were give #i. personally. just don't really like shadowhunters because of how much they changed from the books #and even outside of that--if i ignored book to show comparisons--at least with the first season (the only one i watched) a lot of the #choices they were making with their own rules they were making didn't make a lot of sense. though i hear it gets better if season one so #maybe i should give it another chance sometime... #but back to city of ashes... i feel like. if city of bones had done well. city of ashes could have been better than city of bones and even #more book accurate (since that was some fans' issues with the first film) since the studio would have realized there was an audience there #and to take it more seriously. we've seen that kind of thing before. like with how the twilight movies actually became more book accurate #after the first film was a success #though that's not the world we live in of course. -sighs- oh well #maybe someday we'll get a really good and accurate tmi adaptation #i'm also looking forward to/cautiously optimistic about the the infernal devices show. PLEASE don't mess it up. PLEASE #that's my--and many--fans' favorite of the shadow world series. and it could/should be SO good. PLEASE!

[wrecking]

well. just made an interesting choice of how to use my time for this morning

#d #r #tag buffer bc i feel like i should put a slight one tho this is not tmi at all ... well i guess not? anyways #* quietly crosses ''draw furry porn'' off my bucket list * #girls will literally not draw for 6 months+ and then scribble out... this #took 2 hours but maybe it was worth it ... #help wait edit i just noticed the tag buffer does not work. oh well i am leaving it. suffer witnessing me

[temper-temper]

TMI: Do you believe in spirits and their ability to talk to the living? And can spirits be evil?

I don’t believe in ghosts but I do believe in a spiritual realm in which demons and the like exist and try to hurt us- so yes.

I also believe in angels and other Biblical spiritual beings.

#mod talks #ask #answer #tmi tuesday #christianity #feel like I didn’t word this right #Oh well

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i made preliminary plans to put my horse down in january today:( idk why im making this post i just want everyone to know about hippu and that she exists.

im so tortured whether its the right decision or not and whatever i mightve done wrong or not good enoug or if i should try something else and if the only person (the stable owner) i can discuss it with is right or not and its just way too much to explain lol

i feel bad about january too, because hippu was born during the summer, so to make plans to say goodbye to her during the coldest time of the year in the middle of the winter makes me feel sad. i wouldve at least wanted for her to go during the summer. but i suppose that only matters to me

heres some pictures i took of her today when i was keeping her company while she worried whether her buddy will also come in to the stable or not.

she looks so scruffy because shes changing into her winter coat. i called over to her and she looked directly at me and looked goofy.

shes my first horse and she will be my last horse too. someone laughed today when i said that (”thats what they all say, you always get a new horse”) but i know its true: its just too much money and time i dont have because im always so sick for no reason, its not even that i dont like horses or cant see myself loving a different horse as much, just the bleak reality im afraid.

once i wanted to be a pro equestrian, now were here, feels funny to think about.

#animal death cw - i guess. i dont know how content warning tagging works on tumblr anymore lol #for some reason my 2nd PC screen is on its last legs too and flickering etc lol #actually my life is going so much downhill. i dont even know what to say about hippu because i dont have anyone to talk to about her. #i dont know a lot of horse people and none i could talk about this and idk..ask for a different opinion or something. oh well. #im trying to make jokes right now but i barely even have the energy for that. im just really sad. #i genuinely feel like all ive done for the past month or something is cry and lately ive cried for hours every day. TMI lore about me lol #its just exhausting and theres nothing i can do about any of it. ahh... having issues with brain and money sucks so much what else can i say

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

.

#probably tmi and also tw for mention of AFAB cycles #but fam. I haven't had sex in well over a year but I'm still like 'oh damn it's been almost 7 weeks since shark week am i pergent???' #no wait well over TWO years #but that doesn't stop the thought from crossing my mind #i am annoyed at the lack of consistency my body has #it's not super unusual to have 5-7 weeks in between and i appreciate the long time without #but it also puts me on edge for those few weeks wondering if it'll be any day now #the annoying thing as well is that I'm living in a tent from monday night to like Thursday next week #by myself in the tent but I gotta share a bathroom in an RV with four other adults #oh and only enough water as what fits in the reservoir tank #fuck this sounds worse and worse the more I think about it #i never feel clean and sometimes shower twice a day during shark week so i might have to tap out of this trip if it comes before I leave #kee speaks #so that is way too much info but I'm annoyed and can't do anything about it

[waluigisgaybf]

when you’ve been kinda 🥵😳but you literally cant even possibly have a chance for any kind of move being made because you BOTH just had a parent we live with test positive for covid

#lmao idk Im not used to posting like this stuff so it feels tmi #even if its very much not ahdjdndnd #personal #BUT YEAH IDK HOW MY STEP MOM EVEN GOT IT??? #HER ASS DOES NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE #AND IM FINE #oh well lmao 😩 #more time to practice and work on being more confident iniating affection and expressing myself 😭😭😭😭 #HOW DO YOU PRACTICE KISSING BTW??? #THE SECOND ITS PAST A SIMPLE PECK IM SO SCARED OF BEING ACTUALLY BAD AT IT

[oscill4te]

I wonder if my opinions on somatic trauma are extra af sometimes (tags on that piercing poll)... oh well. irene Lyons videos and a book, "The Body Keeps the Score" is where i learned about somatic trauma and how it manifests. Admittedly i have some trust issues with irene lyons vids (sorry LOL she takes forever to get to her point and sometimes it feels as if she is trying to sell you her courses) but she still does teach some very interesting stuff about how trauma is stored in your body and it can even happen as an infant (your nervous system is so sensitive during this time)(more in tags)

#oh well #anyway no unnecessarily painful experiences for children who arenr even verbal #you can have the best family ever and still experience nervous system dysregulation from procedures that happened to you as an infant #without any memory of it bc you were obviously an infant #why you can have extreme dissociative or bad anxiety/panic disorder even grows up w healthy family #medical trauma is a real thing #not to be tmi but i feel like my vulvodynia comes from medical things that i vaguely remember:/ #txt #im so against piercing infants ears; circumsion; fgm. all differ in severity but can dysregulate an infants nervous system all the same #none of them are necessary... your hurting a baby and they dont understand why. fgm is Especially cruel and horrible.

[spylarman]

Damn can't believe I'm too sad to crank my hog. My brain just refuses to let me wtf

#sorry for the tmi lmfao #caught me off guard like damn brain dont u WANT the feel good chemicals??? #oh well #personal

[floral-hex]

That last text post, I feel that so much. Sometimes I put on the radio just to feel like I have company lol, Delilah is my go-to

Oh yeah, Delilah! I listen to her sometimes at night when driving around. She’s always so sweet. Similar, but I also dig John Tesh. He’s got a nice voice and I like his fun facts. I totally get the company thing. I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but I like knowing that it’s airing live, like an actual person is broadcasting out to you right at that moment. Makes me feel less alone.

#maybe tmi 🤷🏻‍♂️ #but anyway yeah! I feel you #I also put on plutotv and have something like Frasier playing in the background on repeat #something about the commercials interjected in comforts me for some reason #I know that sounds all ‘I love capitalism’ but I think it’s more of a ‘hey there’s a world outside of your room.’ #podcasts and YouTube videos are good but they feel so… I dunno… produced? #I mean it’s all ‘produced’ but something about radio and tv w/ commercials feels a bit more lived in #that sounds kind of dumb. or sad. or both. oh well. #okay this was way too much unneeded info but it’s easy to get me going off on a tangent #sorry 😅 #thank you for this ask tho! #I loved it. really really. made me feel slightly less alone for a minute knowing others have similar issues #I appreciate you #text

[userblaney]

😀

just been sent the UGLIEST most HORRIFIC unsolicited dick pic ive ever had. why is it 1cm and fucking purple

#boy it is UGLY #anyway do NOT read this its fucked up. #personal #<- very #i feel like i should post this #oh well i'll delete in a couple min #is this tmi?? i feel like it is