#ways to stay afloat

[much-ado-about-whumping]

Help for when you’re having a rough time

(If you're looking for my old pinned post with my whump masterlists, you can find it here.)

In light of some deeply sad news in the whump community today, I’m thinking about how many of us here struggle with mental health, sometimes including physical or mental self-harm and suicidality. Since I know lots of folks might be having a hard time right now, I wanted to share some resources that have helped me in rough moments. Please feel free to add on to this post (or make your own, if you want!) with the resources that have worked for you. 

First, a note:

Trauma, shame, and suicidality all tend to isolate - they make us feel like we’re all alone in the world, like no one else would understand us, and like the only solutions we have available to us are ones we can think of all by ourselves. In my experience, the antidote to that is connection. If you’re feeling scared or alone, you can hop into my asks or DMs if you want. I’m sure there are other folks in this community who would offer that, too. Many of us have grappled with mental health struggles, including suicidal ideation, and sometimes we can offer each other the care that can be hard to offer ourselves. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.

A quick note about location: I live in the US, but about half the resources in this post are written guides you can access from anywhere. The hotlines and warmlines linked below are US-based. One or two are accessible in Canada or have an online chat or moderated forum that could be accessed anywhere. If you have good local resources from another place, please reblog and add them! (Thank you, @straight-to-the-pain, for flagging this in the notes!)

That said, here’s my absolute first recommendation if you’re feeling generally awful and don’t know what to do:

1. You Feel Like Shit (also available at its original site here)

If you’ve read a lot of ~self care tips~ in your life (and if you’re a bit of a salty bitch like me), you might be sick of being told to eat something and take a nap. (I don’t think we can hydrate our way out of long-term trauma and late-stage capitalistic hell, but thanks.) That said, I’ve found this site REALLY helpful. Personally, I have ADHD and CPTSD, a combination that makes it ROUGH for me to know how to take care of myself sometimes. This site speaks to you calmly, like a non-judgemental friend, and walks you through steps that you might struggle with if you have a hard time with executive function in general, or if you’re ill, grieving, overwhelmed, or otherwise just off your game. I pretty much always walk away feeling at least a little better, even if I don’t complete every step.

There are more suggestions and resources below the cut. Wishing everyone in this community love and care. <3

2. The 15-Minute Rule (info available in many places; after a quick google, I really like this site as a place to start)

One key principle to understanding the resources I’ve put together here is the 15-minute rule. If you’re feeling an urge towards physical or mental self-harm or suicide, studies show that the urge is unlikely to last more than about 15 minutes at its peak intensity. (Sorry I don’t have data on this off the bat - anecdotally, I can tell you that this rule also tracks with my own personal experience.) This means that, if you’re presently feeling overwhelmed by grief or pain that’s turning inwards on you, if you can stay afloat through the next few minutes, the tide of it is likely to ebb. The site I linked above has information about this concept and some great harm-reduction ideas, too. (Another resource on this that I liked in my quick search is here.)

3. Read This First (a compassionate distraction from feelings of self-harm)

I’m gonna be honest; this resource is aimed at folks having urges towards physical self-harm, but it looks like something I would find helpful with urges towards emotional self-harm, too. (It also looks like it could be handy for body-focused repetitive behaviors - BFRBs - like dermatillomania/skin-picking or trichotillomania/hair-pulling).

4. Resources from Pete Walker, psychotherapist and author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Obviously not everyone reading this will have complex PTSD (also called C-PTSD), but if you’re a person who, in general, tends to beat yourself up a lot, I’d highly recommend checking Pete Walker’s work out. If some of it doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay - take what you need, and leave the rest. This site (and the book it references most heavily) assumes you may have had parents who were emotionally or physically abusive or neglectful. If that doesn’t ring true for you, but other parts of the resources seem helpful, use them anyway! A handy place to start maybe this page on Shrinking the Inner Critic in Complex PTSD (that is, reducing the volume of the voice that screeches unpleasantness at you when you feel ashamed or scared).

As a note: this website looks VERY mid-2000s (which I kind of love). Most of the resources you want will be in the right-hand column full of links. Some of those links will open new pages, and some will automatically try to download a PDF of the article you want to read. 

5. Warmlines:

This is something I just learned today - if you’re feeling really lonely and sad, but you’re not in immediate crisis, there are warmlines you can contact! These seem to be numbers where you can call (or sometimes text) to talk with a counselor or trained peer when you need support and connection. I can’t vouch for any of these numbers personally, but as someone who has definitely thought, “It’s not bad enough to REALLY need help,” I think this is a fabulous idea. Here’s a list of warmlines you can check out in the US.

6. Specialized hotlines: 

There are lots of good crisis hotlines out there, but some may be better for your needs than others. For one thing, if you’re feeling seriously suicidal, it’s good to know the policies of the hotline you’re calling. In my opinion, everyone deserves bodily autonomy and the right to refuse care; for that reason, I think it’s important to know the policy of the hotline you’re calling as to whether or not they’ll call emergency services without your consent. Everyone has to make their own judgment call on this one, and I’m a little too (lightly!) triggered to go deep into my analysis on this right now, but I wanted to flag that it’s something to be aware of - if you’re going to call a hotline, you can try to look up their policy on calling emergency services before you contact them. You could probably even ask them in the beginning of the call. (A script: “Before we start, can you tell me what your policy is about contacting emergency services on behalf of callers?” If this is true, you can add: “I’m having some feelings of [suicidality/self-harm], but I’m safe and am not in danger of hurting myself or others.”)

With that in mind, here are some hotlines that seem promising to me, in no particular order:

A. For queer and trans folks in general:

Trans LifeLine

Available in the US (1-877-565-8860) and Canada (1-877-330-6366)

Available in English and Spanish

Will NOT call emergency services without your consent (you can read more about this policy on their website, including here)

Peer to peer support for transgender and questioning folks; also, microgrants (small amounts of money) for trans-related needs!

Does not offer text/chat-based support

I’ve never used Trans LifeLine myself, but I’ve heard excellent things about it from peers who have.

The Trevor Project:

Support from trained counselors for queer, trans, and questioning folks

Definitely available in the US; I’m not sure where else.

Offers support via phone [phone]), text message (678-678), and online chat (link here - scroll down to Start Chat)

Also offers an online peer support space, TrevorSpace, for folks ages 13-24

Their site says, “In very specific instances of abuse or a clear concern of an in-progress or imminent suicide, Trevor counselors may need to contact a child welfare agency or emergency service.” When you click Learn More, it takes you to their Terms of Service (informative, but in legalese that might be hard to parse if you’re in crisis).

Again, not a service I’ve used myself, but I’ve heard good things!

B. For BIPOC folks (Black folks, Indigenous folks, and people of color more broadly), especially those who also hold LQBTQI identities:

Call Blackline:

Available via phone or text (both at 1-800-604-5841)

Available for people in crisis. Call Blackline can also help connect you with local community organizers and officials if you need to report a negative, inappropriate, or physical interaction with police, other law enforcement, or vigilantes.

From their website:

Call BlackLine® provides a space for peer support, counseling, reporting of mistreatment, witnessing and affirming the lived experiences for folxs who are most impacted by systematic oppression with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens.Call BlackLine® prioritizes BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color). By us for us.

Here’s what I found regarding their policy on emergency services:

You do not have to provide any personal information to use the service. All calls remain private and will never be shared with law enforcement or state agencies of any kind.

Of course, a BIPOC person can contact any hotline for support, but for people dealing with racism, anti-Blackness, and other specific bigotries, I can very much see the importance of talking to someone who shares or understands that experience.

C. For folks processing bad psychedelic trips:

Fireside Project:

This one is something I didn’t even know existed! They do call- or text-based support (1-623-473-7433, or 1-62-FIRESIDE) for people processing psychedelic drug experiences, available 11am to 11pm Pacific time. I don’t have a ton more info, but their site seems really interesting and like they’re serving a unique need.

7. A soothing distraction:

One of the glories of the internet is the fact that it enables us to conjure up images of kittens at a moment’s notice. In that vein, I want to offer up a VERY cute distraction: Peptoc is a hotline [phone], or 1-707-8PEPTOC) where you can hear encouraging messages in English or Spanish from kindergarteners. How sweet is that? (Thanks to the wonderful @newbornwhumperfly for this suggestion!)

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Beloved whump community, I want to know about things that help you when you’re struggling. Please feel free to share them if you want.

And, Moya - we’ll miss you so, so much, even those of us (like me) who didn’t know you well. May your memory be an absolute blessing. <3

(I was going to put this in the tags, but oops, it’s going up here - I really hope this post will be helpful to someone, but it was also helpful to me to build. I feel better in a crisis when I can find a way to help - it’s how I soothe myself when I’m sad or scared. I really hope this doesn’t seem preachy or self-aggrandizing - it’s really just me processing-processing-processing. <3)

One more note: if this post makes you think you might want to follow my blog, you're totally welcome, but you should check out my note here first. This is not a DNI list; it's just a heads-up about my content, which could be inappropriate or triggering for some people.

#whump community #how to be a person in the world #ways to stay afloat #suicide mention cw #suicidality mention cw #self-harm mention cw #resources for taking care of yourself #bel talks #touchstones #sorry another disclaimer but also i know my experiences are not universal #my feelings might come from a really different place than other people's feelings #idk for instance if any of the shit in this post would have been at all useful to moya #but I'm sharing it anyway in case it's useful to SOMEONE

[justmenoworries]

This is gonna sound beyond weird, and it's gonna be egg on my face if the show doesn't go in the direction that I think it will with Vox but...

Is it just me or are there several paralells between Vox and Angel?

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel meta #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin angel dust #I was listening to 'poison' again and I guess the brainworms started #bc yeah on the surface angel and vox are different as can be #but some of the lyrics in 'poison' I felt could be applied to vox too? #'I got so good at being untrue I got so good at tellin' you what you want to hear' Vox's job is being untrue #and putting up a facade so the sinners in hell will buy what the vees are selling #he's become good at talking val down and saying just the right thing to make sure val doesn't ruin anything #'any way you want me baby that's the way you got me baby' #as we've seen in 'stayed gone' vox will change format literally from one second to another to appeal to more sinners #in a way both angel and vox are sell-outs dependent on valentino to keep afloat #yeah vox has more power than angel #but as alastor implies in 'stayed gone' a good chunk of that power comes from velvette and valentino #where would he be without them?

[ollieflopkins]

hope dom and darwin and mo and lucho and especially jarell all slept real good last night and didn’t give a single thought to all the stupid shit ppl have posted on socials (including this website) 😴😴

we keep going, 71 points 🤷🏼‍♀️

#once again our fanbase struggles to find the balance between constructive criticism and sell everyone league’s gone #it’s the same people who are abusing our players and talking shit about our club that will be celebrating our victories #as if Lucho and Mo didn’t keep our entire season afloat yesterday show some respect #you can lament the missed chances at the same time and unpack our issues in a measured way believe it or not #we’re all allowed to be in the trenches after a match like that but keep your heads ffs #it was actually very constructive staying off socials after the match #kept my brain from being poisoned too much #jarell quansah #darwin núñez #dominik szoboszlai #mohamed salah #mo salah #luis diaz

[dragongirltongue]

6tw if any of yall 6uy me cra6s instead of sending money straight to my donation links I am going to 6lock you.

If you wanna use money on me just put it in my paypal/cashapp or like, ask me for my steam and get me something from my wishlist.

I don't want to 6e mocked 6y spending money on the site in my name.

#6aaah #if we're like #close friends I'll pro6a6ly not 6lock you #6ut I am gonna 6e upset #I am going to take you aside and ask why you spent the money on this site in my face rather than helping me stay afloat #the cost of a cra6 invasion can keep me fed if even a fraction of my followers all sent it my way #give me something I want or need

[loveandthings11]

The Soothsayers

After everything 👑

#Kendall CEO truthing since the pilot #captain of the ship #kendall learns to stay afloat? #that rhea moment has always given me goosebumps #the parallel with the logan moment where they're both manipulating a situation but they also mean it #the way the music sounds while she's saying it like... it feels so deeply significant to me #he lets it sink it too- the honest way he says thank you. I don't know about that but thank you. #he's needed to hear the dream is still alive #surprise #it still is #the happy expression on his face when Roman says every intern on the street knows #one of my favorite Kendall shots of the show so far #🥰 #succession season 4 #kendall roy #succession #logan roy #rhea jarrell #roman roy

[moved-to-piersgender]

Honestly I'd respect Tumblr so much more if they just went the full Jimmy Wales and put a giant unavoidable banner ad asking for money on every page

#It sucks that that's the only way for decent things to stay afloat in this world without selling their souls like Tumblr is trying to but #C'est la vie #Tumblr Staff #Tumblr changes #Staff #Tumblrpocalypse 2023 #fuck the algorithm

[nicollekidman]

can you please explain specifically how this is a win? bestie i need hope that romangerri will at least have scenes together

no i cannot because i’m not jesse armstrong but the gist in my mind based on vibes is that roman sacrificed gerri to win favor with his father (now gone) and secure his place in the company (now in danger through ken) and gerri was done with roman because she needed to fend for herself and couldn’t be bothered with roman after he made it clear that he wouldn’t look out for himself and didn’t have a larger plan that served his own interests. they keep ending up being pushed back to each other (roman says he’s done helping old women cross the street but really it was always gerri pointing out the oncoming traffic and yanking him back onto the curb). i have NO idea where things are going with them but the status quo is not what it was a week ago.

#succession #if roman needs help to stay afloat while kendall becomes logan he will go to gerri #anything that destabalizes them and aligns their interests even with just a common enemy counts as a win #romangerri wins are just ways that their paths continue to cross despite everything pointing out that it shouldn’t

[toastsnaffler]

god what a fucking terrible country this is to be trans in. it rly just keeps getting worse huh

#if the tories somehow get reelected next term. i dont even know what im gonna fucking do man. or any of my friends #the current state of the world is so bleak #AND i have a job interview tomorrow 😭 (<- in the tone of and prom is tomorrow!!) if a meteor wants to just obliterate me rn idm #ourghhhh #change of topic to smth less depressing i finally beat leshy + got to the second stage of inscryption!! genuinely wasnt expecting- #it to be the way it is (<- no spoilers) but sooo cool. im not always into turn based rogues but its such a well crafted game #excited to see. what happens next 👀 ill be honest i mainly got into it for the po3 fanart i kept seeing around so 👀👀👀👀 #and i made soup and brownies and i have parkour tomorrow and maybe a trans swim meet next week so. perhaps not all hope is lost #my flatmate said smth earlier abt how all of the negative shit atm seems so huge and beyond out control. and the positives so tiny #in the face of that. which is really tru cosigned some rl shit she said. but what else is there to stay afloat clinging to innit. #anyway. need to change my sheets + watch another adventure time ep + get my shit together for tmr morning + read + SLEEP #hope everyone is holding up alright ily #.diaries

[outeremissary]

This is going to be the weekend I make myself do some watercolor practice again. Both because I need to test if they'd be good for a certain part of some open projects I have and because I can't do anything right now without "you're not sinking, lonely dance" echoing in my head and I Need to develop a skill for the vision it gives me

#the way that line is 'you're not sinking' in the one translation and 'I'm staying afloat' in the other... they're talking to each other... #they're talking to each other and it's a lie both times. it's a lie. I've been having visions. it's a lie!!! #you're not sinking but for unrelated reasons I can't stay near you... you're not sinking but I risk becoming the same as you #sorry to everyone who has already seen this madness in recent days I slept last night for eight hours so sadly this is me lucid </3 #rambling

[gunthermunch]

Are you okay?

there we go no im not!

#ok im gonna be real in here for a second #i usually avoid using my blog as a venting space because thats what my journal and stuff is for aha #but yeah its been rough as of lately thats all im gonna say. not really live laugh love of me i know #ask #gm reply #like writing and making art has always been a way of keep me afloat always as in. since i was a kid #but i have been feeling a little disconnected from it since some months ago #it totally has to have its roots on the fact im pursuing something thats so personal to me as a career now #and everything is changing and etc #but things in here stay the same and i love writing for this blog and my little guys so i think i can say #right now this project is my corner. and hopefully it is for anyone else that's struggling #ok thats it aha<3 #'thats all im gonna say' keeps saying

[quaranmine]

personally i've been waiting for the downfall of twitter for a while but i do feel bad for all the employees being laid off or the artists who are forced to, like, rely on twitter networking to get work and commissions. it's gotta suck unimaginably to be worried about the future of your livelihood because you're reliant on a billionaire idiot's new toy

#cause afaik....lots of people's commission work depends on twitter since tumblr/facebook/tiktok/reddit/insta #are not the 'places' people go for it #like should artists have to build a brand on twitter to stay afloat? no. is that happening? unfortunately #same with a lot of more artsy industries--lotta people network on twitter #i know of authors who've used it to get their way into book deals etc #theres a whole world of people of people who need it as a key tool to make a living #which. yeah it's an awful site. but it is one of the most popular ones. so a lot of people probably use it whether they like it or not #i love tumblr for vibing and im never leaving it

[hellofears]

Office's Main Menace & Probable Culprit.

#ts4 #ts4cc #ts4cas #ts4screenshots #ts4oc #simblr #ts4maxismix #showyoursims #mysims #hellofearsoc #the sims 4 #dont let his cheekiness and cheeky smile fool u #HE IS A MENACE #A MEDDLER! *THE* MEDDLER! #his coworkers hate him #love hate... lets be real for a moment without him how would this office stay afloat #way too handsy naturally he doesn't like making ppl uncomfortable tho #he is socially aware he just doesn't give a fuck #he checks himself around ppl he knows don't work like that #so introverts #or those socially anxious+ whatever the case #dw. he's not out here looking to mess around w ppl who genuinely aren't willing #he'd still be him he just softens himself out around the edges #the quiet types probs love him actually he is that one person you ask to go somewhere w u cause u dont wanna go alone or dont want to be - #asked questions

[grapecaseschoices]

ffs rebecca THREE YEARS OLD?

#did you shunt the child away out the womb? the second rook died? like #when did when rook die again when mc was two? #like you didnt ev en wait one winter?? #like i get in a way -- she lost her soulmate but #it cant have been easy ... but. #sighs #twc #rebecca twc #well this good to know #twc holiday magic #three years old and the detective can be anywhere from what 20 to 30 when the story starts? #3rrew lmao 17 - TWENTY SEVEN years without a consistent mother and just you pop up and are suddenly like hey. #whew #hm #again. idk what i would do. but three years old #and i feel it would be one thing if rebecca were a parent who was struggling to stay afloat. where it was a combo of mourning and no choice #but idk man #just three years old! #smh

[honnojis]

Random thought maybe, but I will always think and advocate for that culture and life should be celebrated no matter what. There's so many awful things happening all the time and so many reports about people being terrible that it's easy to lose sight of the positives and how beautiful our world and its people can be, and most importantly; how it's worth trying to preserve it.

"But this terrible thing is happening over there! Why would you be throwing a party now?!" Of course it's terrible that these things are happening, and I never said we should be dismissing those things! But world news can get overwhelming very quickly, and if we keep submerging ourselves in a constant stream of negativity, in the end everyone will just be utterly miserable. I genuinely do think it's good to turn to your direct environment instead of an internet bubble from time to time and simply focus on the environment and people you have in front of you. Or seek it out elsewhere if your environment can't provide it in some way; it's never truly far away.

Not only does celebrating culture help with bringing people together, it also helps bringing other people joy and sometimes a much-needed break from the aforementioned stream of negativity. With almost every news outlet and social media it's discourse and negative happenings that garner engagement; and that's what they'll almost always be reporting on. Drowning yourself in that stuff all the time just straight up isn't healthy! Sometimes you just need to have a day where you can forget about all of that and find a moment or reason to celebrate what we love to continue powering through everything life may throw at us otherwise.

And no, I don't wanna hear anything about "oh but this culture is bad for [THING] :/", that's not what this post is about. This is a post for the appreciation of the cultures that make the world so wonderfully diverse and happy in their own way. Culture in so many ways is a celebration of life and the world around us, and we need to have something that's worth keeping around, right?

#zumi rambles #sorry im getting a bit philosophical #but i saw a comment on a video saying why should we care about folk celebrations when there's terrible things happening in the world #and i'm just like... that's EXACTLY why we /should/ be celebrating cultural events. #if we don't we'll lose ourselves and drown in negativity #no one will remain happy in the end otherwise. we need to find reasons to stay afloat in the midst of all the fuck shit #and what better way to do so to celebrate the good things in life #this also felt too nuanced to talk about on twitter LOL

[yellowjacketsource]

dont worry gang i have secured my preorder of the ben funko

#sorry for not being here the past few months have been uhh #in short. i failed uni and dropped out and got a full time job that has me waking up at 4am every day and causes me great physical turmoil #and even with a full time job i am barely scraping by and i have no time for hobbies or anything ive been so stressed #i still havent watched most of yj s2 i think i saw ep 4? maybe? or it mightve only been 3 #and im still tryna avoid spoilers even tho is been so long #i have maybe 2 hours a day of free time where i can do anything i want and online stuff just isnt a priority in that time im afraid #i do love and miss you all and i know ive been kinda skirting a lot of responsibilities but its just. its been rough #and this part of the year is only gonna get way harder so #im doing my best to stay afloat right now and unfortunately that means not really committing myself to being around nad im sorry for that

[marsixm]

ultimately the saddest thing is i love pirate stories and i love star trek but i am not built for going on a ship of any kind. thats why holmes gets me. i wont go on the ocean and i wont go in space but i will go to london

#like i wont entertain space bc the way space functions on star trek is basically like the ocean #im talking in terms of sheerly the toll that travel would take on ur body #im too sickly and sensitive and also too paranoid and anxious if im too far away from what one would call 'rescue' #like i also would not fucking go out in the woods further than a car ride could take me out #not to mention the fact that i have asthma and cant hold my breath #and id say i can tread water and stay afloat but not that i can SWIM swim #like maybe id consider going on a boat from small island to small island and dock often the way they do in ofmd #but i love the idea of it! i rly do