𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝
Hi! This one is inspired in the rumours that were floating around Carlos and a brazilian girl during the French GP (after the comments made by the brazilian commentator). Then I added some other things. PLEASE, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. Thank u. @diorleclerc @lickmeleclerc @libraryofloveletters (Thank u for editing this and all of you for pulling up with me)
enana= midget // amor=love // corazón=my heart
ship: carlos sainz jr. x fem!reader.
summary: after some rumors opened old wounds again, you and Carlos reach a turning point, is there a future for you worth saving?
warnings: mentions of cheating. betraying. alcohol mentions. NO PROOF READ.
word count: 9.4K.
FRIDAY - LE CASTELLET, FRANCE
You would love to say that you had seen it coming, that you had seen it coming, and that you had prepared for it. The truth was that you would not have seen it coming even if it had hit you on the head. Simply reality gave you a beating that left you knocked out.
Just after Austria, Paul Richard was the penultimate race before the summer break and that week Europe was experiencing a heat wave. The temperature was unbearable and not even the air conditioning could make it any better. You were in the garage watching FP2 when you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket. What-? You had about twenty lost messages in the WhatsApp group you had with your friends, who were furiously discussing something over audio messages. You couldn’t listen to them at the time and that’s what you texted before one of them texted back “That cheating ass did it again, he can’t keep his dick in his fucking pants” You raised your eyebrows, who were they talking about? You replied quickly with a short “I’ll listen later” text, but you couldn’t even get back into hospitality before another one of your friends called you hysterical. Apparently, a Brazilian commentator told the story of how Carlos met a girl at a party after the Brazilian GP last year and then spent a few days at her house in the countryside, along with Lando and Luisa. Social media had already exploded with people talking about how all this was already a rumour last year or speculating about you two.
You were used to rumours, that was nothing new. People did not tire of speculating, that if you were not going to a race, that if there were no photos of you on vacation, that if you did not have public social networks. You understood the curiosity, but that was not a door you wanted to open. What you weren’t used to was someone echoing rumours on a broadcast and bringing them into the public eye. Social media were a microclimate, and the issue stayed there, but journalists rarely echoed rumours.
The heat wave was unbearable, so you were walking back to the hospitality after FP2 to get a bottle of water when Carlos glimpsed you and said something to Ellie, his PR manager, before jogging towards you.
“Ellie told me about the rumours,” he murmured, leaning toward you slightly to stand next to you. “Have you seen them?”
“Yes, I have,” you replied with a quick nod “Leticia called me to talk about it” She also had a lot to say about how Carlos was a fucking idiot but you would not say that to him.
“And?”
You gave him a look of confusion. “I wasn’t worried about it until you brought it back and asked,” You didn’t understand why he would give importance to something like that if it was just rumours “Why? Should I be worried about something?”
“I just wanted to make sure you are ok” Weird. He knew you didn’t use to bother with rumours, mainly because they were always speculation and you had to admit that most of the fans were very nice.
“I’m” You nodded briefly “I trust you” You added. You stared at each other in silence for a moment. You opened your mouth as if to say something else, but you weren’t sure what to say or where all that came from or why Carlos had brought it up. If it was just rumours, there was no need to worry about that, was it?
You spoke too soon. Turns out there was something to worry about. Social media, mainly Twitter, quickly identified who she was and found a TikTok video of Carlos swimming in this girl’s pool and they also found some photos of him posing with the girl and some of her friends, at least the photos were not anything committed, it was like any photo he took with a fan. Apparently, this girl was friends with Rubens Barrichello’s son and the rumour was that Carlos, Lando, and Luisa, among other people, had ended up at her house in the countryside for a crazy party weekend. There would be nothing to worry about if it wasn’t because he had told you he was going to stay for a few days at the hotel in Sao Paulo, playing golf with Lando.
You caressed your temples.
That couldn’t be happening to you again. You didn’t want it to happen again. It was like coming back six years in time. You were feeling a déjà vu.
A few months before you got pregnant with Sofia, you and Carlos were having a rough patch. They fought all the time and hardly saw each other. Mainly the fights were over small things that later ended up becoming huge. He was in his last stint at Toro Rosso before moving on to Renault and when he wasn’t traveling; he had to spend hours and hours in the simulator as a development driver. You were in your last year of college living the good life, in Ibiza, traveling with friends. You guys were trying to make it work no matter what and especially since you both hoped it was just a losing streak.
One day Carlos appeared at your door out of nowhere. He wasn’t supposed to visit Spain soon. You hadn’t seen each other for a month and you hadn’t spoken for a couple of weeks now because you had a big fight after he didn’t come to your birthday to go to the Red Bull factory in Milton Keynes. In an attempt, you tried to be understanding with him and his work, but at that moment you just wanted your boyfriend around. It was almost felt like you were in a relationship with a ghost. You had been surprised, but you had decided that you were at least going to have dinner before talking about the fight you had recently. You hadn’t finished clearing the dishes when Carlos blurted out,
“I slept with someone else,” He said back then. At least he had the decency to look regretful.
At first, you thought you had misheard and were ready to crack a joke when you saw he wasn’t laughing. Carlos was dead serious. There was not a joking note on her face. You were furious. Your last fight had been left aside, and you had lost your voice from yelling at him so much. You had yelled, cried, insulted, kicked, and thrown things and he had simply stood there watching you, without moving. He hadn’t made excuses; he hadn’t tried to justify himself; he hadn’t blamed you. Simply, Carlos had stayed seated letting you unload. When you finished, you just stared at him for a moment before locking yourself in your room.
That night had been terrible. You hadn’t slept trying to figure out what you were going to do next. The most obvious option was to leave him and the other was to forgive him and move on. You didn’t want to forgive him, mainly because you were proud as hell and because you felt like it was what you were supposed to do. But you loved him so much. You didn’t want that to be the end of you. You thought everyone was human and made mistakes. The problem was that to forgive him you had to move on because you couldn’t forgive him, only to be blaming or resenting him all the time. If you forgave him, you had to leave all that behind and really move forward.
Eventually, you did. You forgave him. Then, out of nowhere, Sofia came into your lives. You guys moved forward. Not everyone could do that, but you could leave that bad memory behind and mistrust never arose again because in all those years Carlos had never given you a reason to doubt him. Until now. You didn’t really understand what was going on. You didn’t want to do it either, because that would probably lead to a crisis.
Both of you had grown up, and you wanted to believe that the way you argued had grown too. They no longer threw accusations out of nowhere and blew everything up. They were more rational and calmer, or at least that’s what you wanted to believe because all you could think about was how you could feel the wild beat of your heart even in your ears when Carlos approached you. You looked at Sofía, your daughter. She was coloring her book, oblivious to the panic you were feeling. You felt trapped. You wanted to get out of there and run away as far as possible, but you couldn’t.
“Ready to go?” Carlos asked, and you saw how Sofia looked up to smile at him. You couldn’t do that to her, you didn’t want to. You needed to solve it before it affected her.
“Did you finish the debrief?” You asked him with your eyes fixed on what was left of your apple. You were no longer hungry, you had lost your appetite.
“Yeah, we can go for today” He moved in front of you.
“Let’s go then,” you replied with a lopsided smile that didn’t reach your eyes before getting up from the table. Hospitality was almost empty. You collected Sofia’s things to put them in your bag.
Carlos stretched out his hand, brushing against yours to help you pick up the pencils and the book. You flinched at the contact. You were running on autopilot. Your head was spinning too much to think about, doing anything other than moving your feet and getting out of there as fast as possible.
If he noticed your reaction to his contact, he gave no sign.
“I’m sleepy,” Sofia moaned, rubbing her eye with her hand.
“She didn’t take a nap” You explained to him stoic as a statue.
Carlos nodded before taking her in his arms. You slipped next to them and you left the hospitality to walk in silence towards the paddock exit.
It was curious how the brain worked when you were in a crisis. Your brain didn’t seem to work the way you would like it to. The rational side would tell you to take it easy and think of all the logical reasons he hadn’t cheated on you. Instead of doing it, you kept thinking of all the possibilities, including that it was more than possible that he had cheated on you before and you would have never found out. All those rumours about him cheating on you might be true, after all. Not as ridiculous as they seemed to you just a few hours ago.
The ride back to the hotel was silent. The driver had the music down and Sofia had fallen asleep on Carlos’s shoulder as soon as you got in the car. He reached out the hand that wasn’t holding hers to offer it to you and you placed your hand on top of his before turning your gaze out the window.
You rationally knew that you were probably overreacting. A video meant nothing more than he had probably had a good weekend, but then, why had he told you he was staying at the hotel in Sao Paulo and had traveled to the countryside? It didn’t even bother you he’d had a weekend party in the slightest. The video in the pool seemed to be taken from an angle that Carlos didn’t realize, and it wasn’t exactly suggestive. The photos didn’t look like it either. Maybe she found him and asked for a photo like any fan. Some photos seemed innocent, but were they really? You couldn’t help but wonder if something else hadn’t happened.
You felt like an idiot overthinking the whole thing, but deep down, you felt that something was not right. It was like the last time again, only this time there was doubt. The last time he had admitted it to you directly, but now the doubt was floating in the air. You were not sure what was happening.
He gestured an “are you ok?” with his lips so as not to wake Sofia up, to which you responded with a nod. You knew you had to talk about that ASAP before it became a bomb, but it was race weekend and the last thing you needed was Carlos overthinking while he was driving at 300kmph.
You couldn’t avoid the conversation too much because as soon as they arrived at the hotel, Carlos left Sofia asleep on the sofa and left the door ajar before following you to the room.
“What’s going on with you?” He asked as you sat on the bed. You couldn’t wait to get in the shower. The heat in Le Castellet was unbearable, and you were all sticky.
“I have a headache,” you murmured in response, taking off your shoes.
“C’mon, give me some credit.” After all that time, he could tell when something was happening to you. You hated that right now.
You rolled your eyes “The fans found a video”
“About?”
“You’re at this girl’s house, swimming in her pool” He knew who you were talking about when you referred to ‘this girl’ “I hate asking but, is all this they are saying true?” You asked, turning to see him.
“I don’t know what they are saying, but I thought you weren’t worried about it.” He frowned.
“Things change, it’s not just some idiot talking about it on TV anymore” You jumped out of bed “What happened?”
“I told you, nothing”
You let out a sigh before scratching your forehead “I hate doing this but I’ve to ask, did you cheat on me?” You asked him, staring at him. It could feel like your heart stopped for a second and your breath hitched as you waited for his answer. You didn’t want to throw accusations into the air, but you needed to ask him directly. Seeing his face and assessing his expression, you wanted to believe that you could do it after all this time.
“No” Carlos shook his head, responded almost instantly, and frowned “Don’t you trust me?”
Now you felt bad for questioning him “I do” You nodded slowly “If you say nothing happened, then nothing happened, but I had to ask” The climate was now tense between you.
“Nothing happened,” Carlos shook his head “Lando and Luisa were there, they can confirm it”
Technically, they couldn’t unless they had slept next to him. You rolled your eyes “How did you end up there?”
“She knows Luisa, this girl’s father has his own golf course in the country house, which was where we were”
“Golf? Did you do all this to play golf with Lando?” The explanation sounded logical, but you still didn’t understand why he had done all that. Especially since he had told you he and Lando were going to stay in Sao Paulo to try out the golf courses.
“When you say it like that, it sounds stupid” He rolled his eyes “They-“
You interrupted him “I don’t care about Lando and Luisa, I’m not married to them, I’m married to you” You knew you were probably being too harsh and overreacting about a rumour but you couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he had hidden from you he had been somewhere else “Why did you lie?”
“What are you talking about?” Really, he had forgotten? He really needed to get his head in order.
“You told me you were going to stay at the hotel in Sao Paulo with Lando, not at someone else’s house.” You crossed your arms over your chest.
“It came up at the last minute. They offered it to us at the party, so we went. I didn’t think there was anything weird about it” You stared at him and analyzed his expression. He wasn’t lying. At least that’s what it seemed to you. The story made sense, at least. You understood he wouldn’t have found necessary to tell you because there was nothing wrong with going golfing with his friends.
“Okay” You nodded softly. You wanted to believe him, you needed to believe him, so you did.
“Are we good?”
“We’re good,” you agreed before Carlos walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you.
“I’m sorry,” He murmured against your hair.
“It’s ok” you assured him, closing your eyes to inhale his scent.
Was it?
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SUNDAY - LE CASTELLET, FRANCE
It was race day and fortunately; the temperature had dropped a bit compared to the previous days. The subject had been buried between you. You believed him. You still believed that he had been an idiot for not having told you especially if there was nothing to hide. You thought the storm had passed. Turns out it wasn’t. The girl had posted a few stories on Instagram suggesting how football players, actors, and F1 drivers had tried to go on a date with her. Of course, she was following Carlos, by itself that wouldn’t mean anything if it weren’t because she had later answered some questions on Instagram suggesting that something had happened between her and an F1 driver and that the rumours weren’t rumours after all.
You had spent the entire trip to Paul Richard looking at the stories and ignoring the calls from your friends, who were surely willing to tell you how stupid they thought Carlos was. He had to go earlier that day, so you were going solo with Sofia. Your friends didn’t like when you forgave him years ago and surely now they were eager to tell you how wrong you had been to forgive him back then. They were going to have opinions about it.
“Mom” Sofia called you “Can I go?” She asked you, pointing to Carola, who was leading Checo Jr. and Carlotta by the hand.
“Go,” you told her and stood watching as she approached them.
Your phone vibrated again, and you rolled your eyes before answering the call.
“Leticia”
“Did you watch the videos?” Your friend asked you with a shriek.
“Yes, I did,” You let out a sigh “They don’t mean a thing”
“Don’t they mean anything? Talk to him,” she insisted.
“I did it. He says nothing happened and I believe him,” you told him firmly. You watched as Sofia ran with Checo Jr. and Carlotta.
“(Y/N)” Leticia’s tone made you close your eyes briefly. You didn’t want to hear everything she had to say, you knew she was coming from a good place but you didn’t need to keep dwelling on the subject “I love you but he’s done this before, what tells you he didn’t do it again?”
“He says he didn’t do it, I have to trust Leticia, he’s my husband” The children were playing tag and Carola was talking to a couple of people next to them.
“That he cheated on you before,” she added.
“Can you let that go? I'm the one who forgave him was me and we moved on,” You had forgiven and until that moment, you had never looked back “I won't believe some random girl over my husband”
“Just be careful, okay?” She mumbled, “Maybe the girl is telling the truth after all”
“Or maybe he wants her minute of fame and that’s it.” You really didn’t want to have that conversation with her. The last thing you needed was for Leticia to keep insisting on the song “I’ve to go”
You approached the Perez. Carola was telling you about the family’s plans for the summer break, but all you could think about was the conversation you had with Leticia. You couldn’t stop thinking that she came from a place of love and didn't want you to make a mistake away, but you wished you hadn’t answered her call.
Carola offered to watch Sofia for an hour, since she wanted to play with Carlotta and Sergio Jr. You promised her you would meet her at Red Bull hospitality after dropping off your stuff.
“Hey” Lando greeted you walking next to you “Sofia didn’t come today?”
“She is with the Perez,” you answered, speeding up your pace a bit.
“Are you ok though? Have you seen the videos Natalia posted? Luisa just called,” You closed your eyes briefly and took a deep breath. You really didn’t want to talk about it. Why couldn’t people understand that? “Luisa can’t believe she did this,” Lando babbled “She is technically not her friend, but she hangs out with her cousins and-”
You interrupted him, “I know there must be a very interesting story behind all this, but I don’t want to hear it today, Lando”
“Are you mad?” He asked, frowning.
“Not at you if that’s what you are asking” You shrugged. You still believed Carlos, you really did, but you didn’t want to hear more people talk to you about it. You wanted to believe Carlos, you had to because otherwise, it meant that he had lied to you.
“C’mon, (Y/N) I promise that nothing she says is true, he didn’t even look at her twice all weekend” Carlos hadn’t looked at her twice but somehow he ended up in her house? Lando had to find something better to say if he was going to want to defend him.
“Lando” You called him “I really don’t want to hear it” You didn’t want to talk about that stuff with anyone except him, you just needed to get on with your day and you would talk to Carlos later.
“Have you talked to Carlos yet?”
“He has commitments with the sponsors today” You explained HIM. That was the reason he had to leave the hotel a little earlier today.
“If that makes you feel better, nothing happened” Lando had no way of knowing that for sure, but you understood Carlos was his friend and he had to defend him.
“How do you know? Did you sleep in the same room? Lando took a step back at your tone. You felt bad for him but he had insisted on talking about it after you had told him you didn’t want to do it “Look, I’m not mad at you, Carlos is the one that owes me all that we already know” You scratched forehead “I’m just disappointed” You sighed “I know you are his friend and not mine but I opened you the doors to my home, I watched you sit on my table, play with my daughter, I thought at least you would give me the courtesy and the respect I deserved, not as your friend’s wife but as a person who welcomed you into their home” The fact that the girl was close to Luisa and that Lando had the idea of going in the first place did not I had been upset because after all it was Carlos who had agreed to go but at the time you were just mad and Lando was being your punching bag since you couldn’t talk to Carlos.
“Carlos said yes.” Lando frowned. “And I didn’t think there was anything wrong with going to the cottage, either.”
“And that’s his fault” You agreed “but you could have to think about the fact that he has a wife and a 5-year-old kid who by the way, thinks highly of you, Lando” You were being unfair, you knew it but you needed to download the anger and Lando had pushed you to the limit without knowing it “I’m sorry, I know you can’t control Carlos actions and that it’s not your fault but I’m mad right now and I don’t want to talk about it” You let out a sigh because Lando looked like he had been punched in the face. “See? I’m being a bitch, not the right time, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” He assured you “Talk to you later?”
You responded with a nod and a grunt before he trotted off to McLaren’s hospitality. Your shitty humor scared him, that was for sure. You didn’t know if you needed to talk to Carlos; you felt you didn’t, but after talking to Leticia and Lando, you felt you had to.
After leaving your things in the hospitality, you returned with Carola and the children. When you checked your cell phone, Leticia had sent you a message ‘I thought you wanted to see this video that’s going around on Twitter’ followed by a video where you could see Carlos at the party he had gone to, he had the same clothes as her. photo where he was posing with the girl and her friends. It seemed as if it had happened before the photo was taken. He was with his arm leaning against the wall, leaning. You supposed to hear her over the music. It was nothing compromising, but it was enough to send your mind flying. Now you couldn’t stop thinking about the videos that the girl had uploaded and the answers to her followers’ questions. In one, she had said how the driver had done it ‘more than one time’.
You watched that video repeatedly. Technically, there was nothing wrong with it but, and added to everything else, that was the breaking point where you wondered if you had to be so calm and trust Carlos’ word after all.
You couldn’t talk to Carlos until after the race, he had had to take a penalty, so he had started from the bottom of the grid but had come back to P5. It had been a difficult weekend because you knew Carlos wanted more but he had overtaken cars to get to the top of the table.
You walked down the hallway that led to his driver’s room. Carlos had to go to Maranello, and you were going to return with Sofia to Madrid on a commercial flight, and you didn’t want to have that conversation on the phone. You took a deep breath. You could do that. It was just a conversation with your husband.
“Hey,” you told him, leaning against the door frame.
“Hey, I’m done and we can go”
“Okay,” you told her with a small nod before moving to close the door behind you.
“Something happens?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“The girl,” You closed your eyes briefly “Natalie” You corrected yourself cause after all she had a name “She uploaded some stories talking about how she slept with a driver”
“Are you with that again? I thought we had clarified that nothing happened,” He replied, putting on his shirt.
“Leticia sent me a video of you and her at a party talking” You swallowed hard. There was actually nothing wrong with the video itself. God, were you being dramatic?
“I don’t understand what you want me to say”
Carlos didn’t seem to be worried or nervous about the new information, so that had to mean there was nothing he was keeping from you, right? “I want you to tell me if there is anything else that I should know other than what you told me I should be concerned about or that I am not seeing”
You saw how his expression changed a bit and how doubt appeared in his eyes
“Tell me” You demanded
“What?”
“You’re hiding something from me,” You pointed out “spit it out”
“She tried to kiss me,” He admitted, and you felt her breath catch briefly as she tried to process his words “But I pulled away before she could.”
“She tried to kiss you?” You asked him in disbelief. Hadn’t I thought of telling you before? Did you have to ask him to tell you? “And you didn’t mention it before? How did we go from ‘nothing happened’ to ‘she tried to kiss me’?”
“Nothing happened, she tried to kiss me, she was clearly drunk, and I walked away, that’s all” Carlos shrugged “You know that’s happened before” Some fans sometimes wanted to try their luck with drivers, and twice they had tried it with Carlos, he had been horrified but you had found it hilarious. Now you weren’t finding it the least bit funny.
“See? I really want to trust you but you keep lying and hiding things,” You groaned.
“I’m not lying,” He insisted.
“First you didn’t tell me you were going to stay at the country house and then you omitted to tell me she had tried to kiss you,” You wanted to believe him but he had already lied to you before or omitted things. You couldn’t help but wonder, what else wasn’t he telling you? “Put yourself in my shoes, Carlos, this isn’t getting any better”
“It’s the truth, nothing happened I swear, there’s nothing else I can say”
“I don’t even get why you wanted to go to her country house in the first place, all to play golf?”
“Was I supposed to say no?” He asked, raising his eyebrows and you wore red. Did he still not understand that it wasn’t right?
“Mhm, yes?” You told him as if it was obvious “You wouldn’t even want to go to something like that, especially knowing that if anyone found out, rumours would spread.”
“It was just a weekend in the country, I wasn’t even alone with her,” He defended himself “What has anything to do with my love for you?”
“You put me through all this speculation and rumours to go play golf, Carlos. My faith in you is falling quick”
“What am I guilty of? Wanting to play golf? Wanting to take a break with my friends?”
You snorted, “I wish I could do that”
“Do what? Take a break? Of course, you can”
You passed your hands over your face. He couldn’t be serious, he couldn’t be so oblivious to the fact that you had a five-year-old depending on you “Are you kidding me? What about Sofia? Who is the one who is with her when she gets sick? Who takes her to school? Who helps her with her homework?”
Carlos took a step back, a little hurt by your statement. Well, at least he knew you were furious “That’s not fair. You know I’m there whenever I can when work isn’t in the middle”
“Or when you’re not playing golf,” you muttered scathingly.
“Are you suggesting I’m not a good father?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Well, if you keep pulling things like this you are not getting the award for father of the year that’s for sure,” you mocked sarcastically. You were uncontrollable, and you really didn’t mean it, but now you were furious.
“husband of the year? Maybe not,” He shook his head, giving you a hurt look “But father? Don’t you think you are being a little unfair?”
“Instead of spending a part of your limited time with your daughter, you stayed there, have fun and lie to me about it. That’s ok but is that me being unfair or is it you not seeing things?” You weren’t thinking clearly. You wanted him to hurt as much as your chest was hurting you at that moment. You knew he would be there more if he could and that the parents could also take time off “I would love to have fun go to Ibiza with my friends and leave Sofia with someone else,” Especially if he was around, that would be much easier “but you know, at least one of us has to stay and give her some stability”
“Sometimes I need to take a break and I enjoy playing golf. Apparently those are my sins,” He said, and you raised your eyebrows. Was he being sarcastic now?
“A break? Do you feel you needed a break?” Suddenly you were angry about the fact that he had never thought about you, that maybe you also needed a break sometimes “What about me?”
How had you guys gone from talking about the videos and what had happened in Brazil to questioning which of you two deserved more of a break? You needed to get out of there. You didn’t want to continue having this conversation with him. It would not end well, even though everything was already a mess, anyway.
“I think I’m going to leave with Sofia early,” you murmured, turning around to open the door.
“(Y/N)” He called you “Don’t do this”
“Me? You are the one making the stupid decisions” You rolled your eyes before opening the door and walking out.
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TUESDAY - MADRID, SPAIN
It was funny how everything could fall apart so fast. You thought your relationship with Carlos was solid, but now you could only see how everything was falling apart in front of you. It was a house of cards, fragile and that with just a breeze had ended up in pieces.
What had followed the disastrous weekend in France had been a client asking if you were fit to work. A client you had been working on for the last few months had looked at you and asked if that was a good time for you to meet to see the details for the coatings. You would have thought she just wanted to be polite if it wasn’t for the look she had given you. She had given you a look of sympathy. You gave her a friendly smile and told her you were fine to see the details of the coatings, but deep down you were furious. People talked. You preferred to pretend like it wasn’t, but it was. People probably also talked about it behind your back.
Your boss also asked you if you needed some days off. No, you didn’t need it. Why would you? You never regretted having started dating a public person like Carlos, but for the first time, you were. The client and your boss hadn’t even had to mention what they were referring to. You knew they had probably read about your private life.
You knew how all that worked. The rumours. You had seen it a couple of months ago with Checo’s video after the Monaco Grand Prix. Everyone had been talking about it for a week until Checo had released a statement to calm the waters. At that moment, you had felt bad for Carola, for having to deal with all that after giving birth less than a month ago.
Hola! magazine published an article about how Carlos and you seemed to be more solid than ever, along with some photos in the paddock and others recycled from previous vacations. You suspected that the Ferrari PR team could be behind that, working behind the scenes.
You avoided Carlos as much as possible, trying to put a space between you so you could cool your head and think clearly about what had happened. You and Sofia were supposed to travel to Budapest on Friday to join him for the last race of the summer break before you all moved to Mallorca for the rest of the break. Blanca, Carlos’s sister, was getting married next week, so they were going to spend a few days in Madrid before going on vacation. You decided you weren’t in a mental state to call Carlos to tell him that. You just sent him a text saying you’d see him in Madrid on Monday. Of course, he called you after reading the message. You ignored his calls twice until he saw that he clearly would not stop, so you answered the phone.
“Finally,” He answered on the first ring “Are you avoiding me?”
“Yes, I am” There was no point in denying anything. You didn’t want to talk to him after what had happened on Sunday.
“Are you still mad about that?” He let out a moan from the other end of the phone “I told you already what happened”
“Yeah, I know the speech by heart, ‘nothing happened’, right?” Sarcasm came out of your voice.
“Are you still mad?”
“No, I was angry on Friday maybe, now I’m furious,” You corrected him. Furious couldn’t explain how badly you wanted to play darts with a photo of him “Everyone is talking about what happened, my boss just asked me if I don’t want to take a vacation, so you’re not exactly my favourite person right now”
“I don’t understand why you care so much about what people say?”
“It’s humiliating, I have clients who are aware of what they say about my private life and all the rumours they are inventing” From a threesome of Carlos with Lando and the girl until he had bought her a ticket so that saw you at the Monaco Grand Prix when you knew that wasn’t true, he had been glued to you that weekend, his whole family had been there too, that just wasn’t possible “A client, a client asked me if I was fit to continue with the project, this is my job Carlos, I don’t live being your lapdog”
“The rumours will go away, they will move on to the next topic of the moment,” He said to comfort you.
“They won’t go away fast enough,” You sighed and rubbed your hand over your face “An article in Hola! won't make them go away.”
“It’s the most popular magazine in Spain,” Carlos pointed out.
You let out a bitter laugh “You think an article is gonna be enough to shut it down?” You rolled your eyes. People on Twitter almost certainly did not read that magazine and you doubted they would stop talking about it soon. His name was still trending “It’s not just Spain, everyone is talking about this in case you haven’t noticed”
“The rumours aren’t my fault.” He murmured back, “You knew this was my life before you got into it.”
“Yeah, I know”
“Why are you mad at me, then?”
“You are an idiot! That’s the problem! You acted like one with all this stuff,” You took a deep breath, you really didn’t want to explode against him and start yelling at him on the phone “I-I have to go, Sofia is calling me”
“I didn't hear anything”
“I’ll talk to you later,” you answered before ending the call. You put the phone aside. Yes, that definitely hadn’t gone well.
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MONDAY - MADRID, SPAIN
You knew immediately when Carlos slid in beside you on the bed. Mainly because you felt the bed sink under his weight and because you could smell the scent of his shampoo as if he had just taken a shower. You didn’t need to open your eyes to know that it was early in the morning. He had sent you a text (to which you hadn’t responded) before you went to sleep to let you know he was going to be late. Hungary had not been good. Both Ferraris had been left off the podium and had suffered a beating from Red Bull and Mercedes. In addition, the strategy had been a disaster and the criticism of the team was becoming increasingly fierce. When he saw he had no intention of approaching you, so you rolled over to lean on him and snuggle up against him even without opening your eyes, you didn’t think you could face him at that moment. He was so hot, so cozy, perfect to cuddle up to.
“Hey, you,” He murmured brushing his lips with your hair “Shouldn’t we talk?”
“Tomorrow” You moaned against him and felt a couple of drops from his wet hair fall on your forehead.
You knew you shouldn’t. You were giving mixed signals, but you were semi-asleep and you weren’t so worried about the mixed signals but about snuggling against the warmth of him.
The next morning, you slipped out of bed and straight into the kitchen. If you were lucky, maybe you could make breakfast and sneak away, but when you were almost done, he walked into the kitchen with his hair tousled and still with a sleepy face.
“At least if you are gonna cheat on me, you should have been smart to do it.” You snapped out of nowhere. If they were going to talk about it, it was better to go to the point “Maybe my problem is that I expected too much from you”
“For the millionth time, I didn’t cheat on you,” He replied with a hoarse voice opening the refrigerator.
“I wish I could believe you” You snorted, cutting a couple of slices of bread “How could I know? How could I know nothing happened?
“Cause I’m telling you it didn’t”
“And that should be enough? I should trust your word just like that ”And his word should suffice then? Normally I would, but at the time you couldn’t stop thinking about how you had been in that position before. “Your word means nothing to me right now”
“I didn’t betray you”
“You owe me fidelity but first, you owe me respect, you couldn’t even respect me enough to not drag me into this month in public” You had spent the week with your boss insisting that you take a few days off and explaining to your clients that you could still pay attention to their projects.
“I wasn’t the one that made it public”
“You think I’m mad at her for taking her minute of fame?” You asked in disbelief “I’m mad at you for even giving her the chance to do it in the first place,” He should have thought and didn’t even go there in the first place “The fact you didn't cheat doesn’t make it any better, you still lied”
“I need you to trust me, nothing happened,” He insisted and approached you to place his hands on your shoulders but you took a step back
“Trust you? You cheated on me once. What’s stopping you from cheating on me again?”
“You forgave me for that!” Carlos exclaimed.
“I did, yes” You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Then you can’t bring it back after all these years and use it against me. If you decide to forgive, you can’t go out there throwing it in my face”
You opened your mouth to reply when he saw something moving out of the corner of your eye. Sofia came out of the hall, rubbing her eye with her fist.
“Are you fighting?” she asked softly.
“No corazón, we chat, that’s all,” you assured her, giving Sofia a small smile. Piñon came walking behind her before approaching Carlos so that he could pet him. Traitor.
“Come here, enana” Carlos said to Sofia before taking her in his arms “Let’s make those pancakes you like” he added before giving you a look that said you were definitely going to continue that conversation later. Fantastic. You couldn’t wait.
A couple of hours later, while you were trying to finish an email for a client, Carlos walked into the office.
“Didn’t you get the memo? I don’t want you here. Go away, get lost,” you growled without looking up at him. You were in a bad mood. Your customer thought you were distracted because the store had apparently delivered the wrong colour tile. That wasn’t your fault. How could it be? “I don’t want to deal with you right now.” You didn’t want to know if he was cheating on you or not.
“Stop walking away from me,” He leaned against your desk “We need to solve this out”
“I’m not 22 anymore. I can’t just turn around and walk away. I wish I could, but I can’t” You slammed the laptop lid shut. You’ve had enough of your talk. You just wanted me to leave you alone “Cause be sure as fuck that I would walk away if it wasn’t for Sofia”
“You don’t mean that”
“Oh, I do. You kept things from me, lied about it, and then suggested it was because you ‘wanted a break’ was really revealing.” You still didn’t understand why he had wanted to do all that.
“I didn’t want the rumours to happen.” His guilty expression almost made you feel sorry for him. Almost.
“And you think I wanted this? Having a baby at 22? No, I did not, but these are the cards we got.” And he was the one who needed a break? If I needed a break, then you needed the world to stop “You had an option, you could just walk away”
“What?”
“When I got pregnant with Sofia, I gave you a choice, to walk away,” you reminded her. At that moment, you didn’t want him to feel trapped and need to stay with you just because you got pregnant.
“What does all this have to do with what happened in Brazil?” Carlos frowned.
“You said you needed a break and I’m just remembering you that you had the choice to walk away back then”
“I couldn’t have even if I wanted to and you know that” Of course, he would always want to do the right thing, he could never walk away from his daughter but still you gave him the option to choose what he wanted to do. Neither of them was ready to have a child, but less than nine months later, Sofia arrived.
“I ’m giving you the choice again. If you don’t want this life, you can go” You would not hold him. You were tired of fighting and, honestly, you weren’t even sure of anything anymore.
“You are giving up on us?” He asked, staring at you.
“You did it first,” you replied without taking your eyes off him “If you think you don’t want this life, married life, husband life, father life, then you are free to walk away”
“I could never walk away from Sofía” It was good to know, but then if he could walk away from you?
“Good to know. At least one of us is holding you back.” You replied sarcastically, but before Carlos could respond, Sofia stormed into the office.
“Moooooooooom!” she called out before stopping to look at the two of them “Are you fighting again?”
“We are not fighting, enana“ Carlos assured her, giving her a sweet smile “What happened?”
“I want a sandwich”
You gave her a look, and you raised her eyebrows.
“Please?” she added.
“A sandwich it’s then,” He said before picking her up and walking out of the office without even glancing at you.
Well, that had gone bad. Even if he hadn’t cheated on you, even if he had just lied to you, added to the background, you couldn’t help but think that he was lying to you. You wanted to trust him, you really wanted to, but Carlos had cheated on you before, that he was stopping him from doing it one more time? There was nothing to stop him. In fact, he could do it without you knowing about it. The problem was that even without the deception; he had still been disloyal to you in other ways. Also, if he hadn’t cheated on you, why hadn’t he mentioned to you earlier about the girl trying to kiss him? You hated having to be like this, doubting his word, but unfortunately, he had given you over one reason to do it.
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THRUSDAY - MADRID, SPAIN
The rest of the week was torture. You two only interacted when Sofia was involved. You still slept in the same bed every night, mainly because Sofia was smart enough to know that something was happening if you two slept separately. The first night like that was an inferno, so you just fell asleep “accidentally” on the couch watching a movie or over your desk in your office. Every time, you woke up with a blanket over you. You hated him. Not only for the obvious, but for still doing stuff like that for you. It makes it harder to hate him as you should. You had to hate him for putting you in that situation.
Thursday night was Carlos’s sister’s bachelorette party and her fiancé’s bachelor party, so you two were going out separately. When you came back, you were clearly drunk, having lost count after finishing the fourth round of tequila shots. Normally you would stop before, but you wanted to get drunk. You needed to get drunk to cope with everything that was happening with you and Carlos. You were too tired and drunk to think about sleeping on the couch in an awkward position. Carlos was already in bed with the lights off when you came in. You cursed when you couldn’t undo the strap on your heel that made him squirm on the bed.
“Need help?” he asked with a murmur.
“No,” you growled, forcing the heel strap to lodge.
“Let me,” Carlos replied, getting up from the bed and approaching you. He crouched in front of you and you put your hand on his shoulder to steady yourself. Once I took off your heels, you put your feet on the ground and let out a groan of pleasure when you felt the cold floor under your feet. Wearing heels was a pain. You didn’t even have the strength to remove your makeup, so you crawled into bed and lay on your side. Carlos did the same, standing next to you.
“You hurt me,” you moaned as you felt the mattress move under his weight.
“I know,” he murmured.
“All you do is hurt me,” you complained “You are never here, so what am I supposed to do now? Worrying all the time about where you are and who are you with?”
“You have nothing to worry about,” Carlos replied, placing his hand on your arm.
“I gave you the best years of my life and this is how you pay me,” you slurred “Lying to my face”
“I’m sorry”
“Maybe I’m the one that’s your mistress after all” You moaned “Oh gosh” You put your hands over your face “I’m your mistress” You moaned “I hate you” You exclaimed and heard Carlos let out a breath “I hate you so bad” You hated him for making you love him, for loving so much every single thing of him.
“You are not my mistress,” He replied, shaking his head “There is no one else but you”
“I wish I could believe you,” you moaned and paused before speaking again “Why did you need a break from Sofia and me? Are we overwhelming?” You asked him with a hurting look.
“What? When did I say something like that?”
“The other day in your driver’s room, you said you needed a break”
“I-” He sighed “That wasn’t what I meant”
“Carlos?”
“And it is?”
“If you didn’t cheat on me, then why did you lie?” You asked him, turning to look at him.
Carlos stared at you for a minute before letting out a sigh “I don’t know”
Well, that answer only gave you more doubts.
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SATURDAY - MADRID, SPAIN
It was the day of the wedding. The day before, you had woken up with a hangover from hell and Carlos had just been... weird. He had been giving you weird looks all day and had a wet puppy look that made you wonder what the hell you said while you were drunk. That morning, he was not in bed when you woke up, so you had no clue what had happened.
Saturday was chaotic. Sofia had to be there earlier because she was going to be the flower girl, so Carlos’ parents took her a little earlier. You were going to go later so you could meet there.
“I’m ready, let’s go,” you told him, leaving the room still adjusting your bracelet “What are you doing?” You asked, frowning when you saw he was sitting at the table looking at a fixed point.
Carlos turned to see you “I’m giving you the divorce,” He informed you, moving the papers that were on the table towards you.
You stared at him for a moment “What?” you asked him in disbelief
“I’m giving you the divorce if that’s what you want”
“I heard you” You swallowed hard. How had that happened? Was he letting you go? “Are you giving up on us?
“I just want you to be happy,” He murmured “And the last two weeks? You were the most miserable person I’ve ever seen and I hate that for you,” Carlos explained getting up from the table “I’m sorry it’s because of me because I was an idiot”
“I’m sorry if I can’t avoid my humour,” you replied scathingly, crossing your arms over your chest.
“The last thing I want is for you to be miserable because of me”
“Giving me the divorce would be the least you could do after what you have done,” you pointed out. You didn’t want a divorce. You loved him, but you needed Carlos, to be honest, and willing to make changes. Not to repeat the same mistakes that had brought you there above all.
“We have a daughter that will need two parents that can coexist. We need to end this before we can’t even look at each other,” He pointed out.
He was giving up on you. As simple as that. He was letting you go and you couldn’t feel any more pain than what you were experiencing at that moment “You don’t think we can solve it?” You asked in a whisper.
“Last night you said you hated me,” He explained to you “I don’t think there is a point of return from that” Carlos added getting close to you “Also, you said something that made me think, I wanted to take a break from the races, not from you, nor from Sofia”
“Oh,” You frowned. He was referring to what he had said in his driver’s room. So he didn’t want a break from family life?
“You should explain it to me better. I’m sorry,” Carlos made a face.
“You should have just said it, not gone incognito for a weekend,” You agreed with a nod “And lie to me about it and hide things from me”
“I was wrong, I know, I’m sorry,” He admitted. At least Carlos was taking full responsibility for his actions.
“You didn’t ask me why I hate you”
“Why do you hate me?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“For making me love you,” You replied before letting out a sigh “That’s the thing, I love you so much” You bit your lower lip “And that’s a problem cause I can forgive all the stupid things you do, for all the love I’ve for you, for our little family, for our daughter”
“Do you think you can forgive after all this?” He asked, and you were silent for a minute before nodding slightly. You could at least try “You don’t want the divorce?”
“No,” You frowned “Why would I? I want us to work, but I need you to do better, be better Carlos, please”
“I will,” He assured you, nodding energetically before moving closer to you to wrap his arms around you. You had missed contact with him so badly “I’m so sorry, amor“ Carlos murmured against your hair “Are we ok?” He asked after a moment.
You bit your lower lip, you wanted to be honest with “No” you murmured softly but raised your head to give him a small smile “But we will be, eventually” you added confidently.
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