#when i've already lost my chance in school and uni

[thatfreshi]

"Unlucky Draw" (Uni AU p. 15)

There's finally some fluff guys!!!!!!!!!

tw - anxiety, discussion of weed

Since Halsin's little break-up escapade happened, you actually do get the chance to see Astarion later that night. As of recent, he's been throwing himself into his thesis project more and more, to the point where most of your time hanging is spent with him looking through books and asking 'do you think this sounds right?'

"You know you can take a break, right?"

"I could, you're right, but then I'd just be wasting time. And I'm not allotted much time to work on this."

The two of you are comfortably sprawled across his mattress, like teenagers at a sleepover. You roll over and shut his laptop.

"C'mon, you've been staring at that paper for like two hours."

"And what else should I do, my darling Tav? Maybe stare at the ceiling in silence? Or scroll mindlessly on my phone until I don't feel like moving anymore?"

"Ugh, no! I don't know, take a coffee break. You're probably not going to sleep anyways."

Your best friend almost looks peaceful like this, wrapped in a cozy sweater and sweatpants, always wearing long socks because he gets cold too easily. You find yourself lingering on the thought longer than normal, wishing he could feel that comfortable warmth all the time, wondering it might be like to share in it.

"Tav, are you listening? God, maybe we should just stare at the ceiling in silence."

"Sorry, just spacing out. What were you saying?"

"I was saying, how I should probably cut back on the caffeine."

"Really? Astarion Barista Ancunín, are you turning your back on your beloved espresso machine?"

"Look, I'm not happy about it, but I've been far too anxious as of late. My nerves are on fire constantly, jumping at every little noise I hear. It's irritating, to say the least."

"I thought being caffeinated was how you dealt with the insomnia though?"

"Oh it very much is, which will become a problem soon enough, but I just can't be this nervous constantly."

It's something that you've definitely noticed, how quiet and fidgety he's become recently.

"You considered smoking weed? I know Gale says it helps him zen out, especially when it comes to art stuff."

"Nope, makes me paranoid."

"Damn, unlucky draw I guess."

"You're telling me. I smoked one time back in high school, couldn't sleep for hours, kept thinking someone was out to get me or something."

You start to get lost in the peace of the moment again, the fact that you're able to talk about shit that doesn't matter, how the light from the bedside lamp hits his eyes just right...

"Are you alright? You seem, out of it."

"Sorry, just thinking about what Halsin said to me."

"I can't believe he just broke things off like that, without a reason."

You swallow hard.

"He, he said it's because he thinks you like me? And that he doesn't want to get in the way of that?"

There's silence for a moment, that you jump to fill.

"But that's not true right? We're just friends, I don't know where he would've gotten that idea from."

"Right, I don't know either... sounds like you dodged a bullet with him."

"Yeah, probably so."

God, has he always looked like this? Damn Halsin, damn all those things he said, damn Gale for even playing into it. You remind yourself that Astarion's right, that this doesn't need to get any more complicated than it already is, that he has enough on his plate.

"Now, am I allowed to go back to my thesis now? Or do I need to have more mandatory break time?"

You playfully sigh.

"I guess you can do productive things or whatever."

"Well, in that case would you like to come read what I have?"

"I'll look at it, but you have the cool narrator voice, you have to read it to be like a professional author."

He rolls his eyes, and you go to sit next to him, looking at the thousands of words he's typed at this point. Astarion starts to read it out loud, editing tiny things as he goes, forever a little perfectionist. After a while, the voice becomes too soothing, and you fall asleep there next to him, letting your head hit his shoulder.

"Tav?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you knocked out, clearly exhausted. He doesn't stop reading though, worried if he does that he'll somehow ruin the sleep he's let you stumble into. So he spends the rest of the night rereading out loud and talking to himself, occasionally asking you things that you don't answer. After many hours pass, and the wee hours of the morning arrive, along with the clock turning to say five AM, he puts his laptop aside, and asks you one final question.

"Why do you insist on pulling my heartstrings the way you do?"

And it falls on your sleeping ears, never truly getting through.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #fluff #x reader #freshiau #gale of waterdeep #halsin

[hwajin]

little life update for anyone who cares!!!!

i've been so inactive on here (even tho i have SO many works in progress </3) because i've been kinda super busy! i have never posted anything regarding uni or my job on here because i never wanted to jinx anything but basically, i had been toying with the thought of quitting university for ages now because it made me so so so unhappy and i actually truly hated every second of it 😭 since i hadn't had a plan B i was basically just pushing through it and giving uni chance after chance (while working part time at a bakery which was physically insanely exhausting tbh) but! last year i finally looked into alternatives and applied for a library job/ schooling and got it a couple weeks ago! meaning i finally dropped out of uni officially AND quit my bakery job, AND will start working as a librarian from july and on + will receive additional education in relation to the field!

all in all, this means i will be super busy since i'll be commuting and living in different cities part time, going back and forth etc, studying AND working — so i'm not sure how this blog will be managed in the future! i do write better under time pressure/ stress tho, and i do know that i definitely won't stop writing altogether, i just suppose i will write/ post as rarely as i already do (sadly </3), i hope you understand! i have a big series in the planning which i hope i can get out this year and before i start with the new job, and about a million drabbles so the ideas are definitely not dying out — i just hope i can get some of the motivation back i lost along the way of being frustrated over uni and new jobs and life changing altogether! i've never been good with changes so even tho i'm SO excited to start this new chapter i'm also insanely scared and nervous, and that has made me lose the focus needed to write etc, so i hope when i'm a little more used to the new job and everything i can be back on my game 💪🏼 that's basically it, if anyone cared to read this far take care 🫶🫶🫶

#☆°.—kathy talks!!

[incorrectdeceptionquotes]

Hi.

So I just wanted to come on here to say something real quick.

I am so grateful and thankful for the people who, at one point or another, followed this blog. I've made some wonderful mutuals and made a couple of lovely friends along the way of just having fun with this blog because I had seen "incorrect quote" blogs since I was in middle school and had always had a blast reading them.

I started this blog when I was 18 and just finishing up my first year of uni, feeling really lost and like I just didn't know where I was going in life, in all honesty, I kinda hated where I was even though I had been accepted into one of the top universities in the world and had already made amazing irl friends. I had no reason to be unhappy, but I wasn't happy with myself, and I felt like I wasn't good enough to be there.

Starting this blog and writing fanfiction for this show helped truly ignite my love for writing and made me think that maybe I might actually be good enough to get through the rest of uni (which I did with top grades lol). It made me more confident in my work as a writer and helped improve my writing because I was always working on it.

I'm 24 now, I graduated from my bachelor's almost two years ago, and I'm currently working on getting my master's degree.

You know, part of me sometimes wishes that I had never even heard of this show because the finale truly has been nagging in the back of my mind since it aired. However, the other part of me is thankful that this was the thing to light that fire and get me to start writing for fun. Even if I look back on the older stuff I've written and wish I had written things differently, I don't regret it because it made the better writer I am now. So I guess the harcore obsession I had with this show at one point eventually paid off, just differently than I thought it would lol

I also want to be clear that this isn't meant to be some sort of tearful goodbye or that I'm signing off from the blog. I'll sometimes post here and there like I do now if something does come to mind to me. I still have a lot of fun with this blog! I just really wanted to come on here and say why I am still here (sometimes) and how much I appreciate all of you (even the silent followers).

Thank you for giving this blog a chance!

#personal #didn't mean to get all mushy on you guys lol #but honestly making this blog helped me more than even I knew at the time

[maii-mia]

Please help me get away from my abusive family.

I'm in desperate need for help and advice. I'm from Egypt, going to be 22 in March, and I'm currently stuck in a really abusive family situation in which my worth is based on my uni results.

My (quick and condensed) backstory is that since I was very young I've been raised to be a doctor, I've always been a good student even ranking top 3 in my school and working my hardest despite being a victim of continued SA which, amongst other things, led me to be very suicidal and start to self harm, but being good in school was one of the things I could control and which made me feel acknowledged by my parents so I tried my hardest to keep up my grades. When it comes to Egypt the points you get with your diploma are going to be what will determine which uni you'll be able to join, and to get in a public med uni you'd have to get +98% while instead I got 94,7%. From here on everything started to get much worse with my family and I heard so much verbal abuse that completely destroyed the remaining self worth I had, even after I was already manipulated into thinking I could be a doctor or nothing. Because of my family thinking of me as an "investment", my grandpa decided to pay for my uni tuition, which my parents wouldn't have been able to afford, and just like that I entered a private uni for pharmacy, because 95% was the minimum acceptance for med so I couldn't go towards that path regardless. I had no choice but to accept my grandpa's money and start uni regardless because no other option was given to me with my parents telling me I would've been an embarrassment for the family in front of everyone if I didn't. Even though I was doing horribly mental health wise and I felt completely trapped I did what I thought I had to do and did my best in uni and passed the first semester even though I could tell immediately that the courses weren't for me and I was having a really hard time following, unfortunately in the second semester everything got much harder and I didn't pass two subjects no matter how hard I tried. I thought the world was falling directly on my shoulders and I didn't know what to do, I was afraid of telling my family because of my own safety and because I felt like a disappointment, and even more because you have to pay for summer course and to retake the exams and I knew they wouldn't have had the money, which I'm aware isn't my responsibility because I wasn't given an option but in abusive situations everything is made to be your fault. I was completely stuck just trying to survive so I didn't say anything and I entered second year and I took the subjects I didn't pass as an off semester subjects alongside with the ones that were already part of the first semester of the second year. Unfortunately that year I lost my grandma because of covid and everything just kept getting worse, my family wasn't doing well because of her passing and I was already doing horribly and struggling, after I kept failing subjects and didn't say anything because now along with the problems already existing I also felt guilty to add to my grandma's passing. Before the second semester of the second year started I got robbed while coming back from uni and I think my brain just shut down from then because I was just too overwhelmed and I got even more suicidal, I stopped going to uni without saying anything and I would just hide in the roof, of course that couldn't keep me safe forever but I wasn't in my right mind at all. When my parents found out things somehow just got even worse, there was so much crying and shouting and verbal and physical abuse and I stayed in bed for 3 days from shock, from then my parents just keep giving me ultimatums not because they want to give me more chances but just because they're ashamed of me and I just don't know what to do anymore, I am not in the right state of mind and I am afraid for my safety, I don't know how to survive anymore in this same cycle and unfortunately I just can't just start passing subjects with something I was forced to study that I find impossible to learn especially when I'm this low.

Currently I got the results from this semester and I failed 2 subjects while passing 3, it's just a matter of time before before they find out and I am so scared for my safety and what they will do to me, especially my dad and grandpa. I have no one to ask here and I've just been talking about this with my internet friend and trying to brainstorm what I could do, would asking for donations/opening a fund help in any way for me to get out of here? Or at least buy myself some time? I would have to open a bank account for that to happen first though. I don't know what to do which is why I'm trying anything and I made this account to ask here too, please any advice would be welcomed

I’m desperate to reach anyone that could help in any way, here are other platforms in which you can find me/boost my posts: reddit / tiktok / instagram

#abuse #abusive family #egypt #asking for advice #donations #signal boost #please help #help #boost #emergency

[arakaei]

the night you found your way back to me.

earlier that year, i was really going through a rough patch. i've been feeling depressed the past months and acads has just been the ultimate reason for my deteriorating mental health as well as for my poor eating habits because of extreme anxiety on a daily basis. during those days, i can't explain why but you somehow cross my mind from time to time. i've been constantly thinking of where are you now and what have you been up to?

remember that one night late in february? we were both still in college and it was that moment when i realized that it has been a long time since we spoke to each other. kamusta ka na kaya? deep down nararamdaman kong na-miss kita.

after graduating high school, we completely lost touch. kanya-kanyang buhay, kanya-kanyang path na tinahak. even though we were friends on facebook, hindi na rin naman tayo masyadong nakakapag-usap or nakakapag-kamustahan since you were far away from the metro. you decided to go to college in your home town province. i didn't know. i barely see your facebook posts and i even thought it was the end of us, that we'll never get the chance to talk to each other again because we both have moved on to each of our own completely different life than before.

that day, i remember the sky was clear, and you can still feel the breeze of the cold wind although you cnan tell that the weather was already transitioning to summer season. i was with my friends that day and we went to our dear friend's wake. she was one of the few friends that i made when i was still in my freshman year. our circle used to be quite big and that was the only time we got together again as a group of friends. we kind of parted ways na kasi after two years of being in the same block.

after staying there for hours and we already said our goodbyes, we decided to head back to the university together. i was with my current circle of friends when we booked for a grab car. we were all in the car talking about someone when suddenly, my phone lit up and i saw your name on the notification bar. you sent me a message saying: uy kamusta?

a while back, before we decided to head out, i was unconsciously viewing random facebook stories and was just swiping right to left when yours came next and my whole body froze. i was completely surprised that i accidentally viewed your story and worries when i realized that you'll see it. well i thought, i couldn't do anything about it now so i just shrug it off because i thought maybe it wouldn't be something big of a deal to you and that you'll just ignore it. but lo and behold, you messaged me that night and it almost made me want to scream. in my head i was already screaming having no idea of what was happening.

i was completely caught off guard as i wasn't expecting it. it got me very excited yet scared and anxious. the rush of adrenaline came in running into my whole body like fire. i unconsciously said "oh my god" out loud and my friends asked me what happened. i just told them wala lang lol. at that moment, it took me some time before it finally sink in to me and i really just don't know what to say so i just replied: "okay lang hehe" (yes i know, awkward lol).

later that night we were dropped off just outside the campus. it was almost 8 pm and we decided to have dinner around the uni. nagyaya sila kumain sa bandang noval doon sa merong ihawan ng seafood near lopez canteen. sobrang saya lang, tawa lang kami nang tawa noon as if kasama pa namin siya at kumakain with us that night. we ate so much food that we didn't realize how much it cost, can't remember pero ang mahal hahaha. i won't forget that night because it was the last time i got to hang out with my original circle and i think it was the first and the last time i had fun with them. also, it was that night when you found me, again.

it was almost 9 pm when we finished eating. we bid goodbye to each other after that and then went home. i was so tired that i slept right the moment i got home so i didn't get to open and read your replied messages until the next morning when i woke up.

#personal #thoughts #sunday afternoon #december #nostalgia #remember when #photo diary

[siren-virus]

ok, It's been a long while since I've sent an ask, and though that can be atributed to life being life, that can only go so far and these previeous 3 days I've been lazing around mostly XD So, in order to compensate, here's the asks for Free and SWUP that have entered my brain and I haven't filtered out yet that I'll send you. Answer as you see fit for I might send repeated questions or some that have already been aswered before in another form.

For SWUP, would SWUP (Does she have another name? I can't remember) ever try a work somewhere? She has to get money somehow if she wants to be able to buy food, clothes, a home, and pay for all the medical expences she might have to go through. What other friends would she have other than wine aunt and coffee barista? I remember you said there might be a third one who's not really relevant, but whos father is, and you were still unsure on wether to include them or not. Also, the humans in this Earth, how much do they know about aliens? The Unicorns and Dragons? I imagine that considering the amount of damage they can do when they fight, and considering that apparently their experiments on abducted humans that they leave on Earth for like a month before taking them forever, would make them fairly known, and have something like a world agency looking out for different cases or something, however succesful they actually are.

Now onto Free, Is there any chance that we could get to know of any of the friends that the rag-tag group would make along the way of the travels? Like, there HAS to be someone who they befriend without any shennanigans involved at the very least, or with minimal ammount of them, just as there HAS to be a friend made after a disaster of cataclismic proportions happens that inebitably onvolves the found family. Also, how long was Leo outside on his own before bird friend (forgot his name) found him and started to get them back to the Domes? Considering that they have a long adventure, I imagine that he spent at least a month outside without an idea of any direction he was going, and getting lost along the way because of course he gets lost, before he was found. Would the team find anyone else who was part of the Domes but left of their own volition too? Another traveler similar to Leo, but that doesn't want to return to those places for X or Y reason? Would there be anyone from the Domes that they meet that DIDN'T want to leave the Domes in the first place but got out regardless? This could be for whatever reason, from kidnapping to exhile to attack to the Dome to simply escaping from a bad situation.

oop sorry for taking a bit to get back to you,

youre questions make me realise how under developed my stories are wheeezee so i rlly appreciate your questions!!

SWUP aka Vicky her human alias. or I guess the unicorn is the alias. AH SHIT I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT!! Originally when i made SWUP she was supposed to be in high school. But as i grow I also like my characters to grow with me. Maybe I'll get her a job as one of them gym buddies (it has to be a job that allows for some form of freedom, enough to like be able to do th vigialnte thing- (i forget the name) Medical expenses aren't too bad, I'm basing it off aus medical- which means medicare! Plus she doesn't need the hospital all that often, she can regenerate.

In terms of friends she doesn't have many not because she socially inept (like myself)- she was very popular in highschool, but there isn't many people she can relate to. Her best friend James (pending name) comic book nerd that loves super heroes is all she's got. And some gym bros, but they're just friends at the gym, outside complete strangers. I really do want James to be relevant to the plot and not his dad and daddy issues, but he's a bit hard to squeeze in. Maybe if I sat down to actually do some writing, maybe--- ALAS I am but a creature of laziness, and poor attention span. (im barely focusing on Flee atm and I rlly wanna try developing GECKO again fml)

Humans know little to nothing about aliens (excpet for like the government and so wackos who a really into scifi) So even though SWUP is doing her best to help ppl, she's seen as a horrifying villain that is stage one to an alien invasion. (the scifi wackos play a part in that.) Although most Police officers appreciate the help... most.

Suprisingly no, most humans who were mutated into unicorns almost seem to disappear, SWUP is an exception. Why is that hmmmmmmmm? this is kind of a big moment, if I ever plan to push this idea to the webcomic/animation stage, youll see.

There's not really an official .org agency or anything like that, but some wackos who love space, and an actual scientist or 2. So far they have deducted that unicorns are evil space creatures who prey on humans and consume their flesh to get stronger so they can lay eggs and take over the world. There's not a lot of truth to that. Some parts tho... but which part? At the moment I'm really into mystery- so maybe I'll add some mystery elements, or I'll give it to GECKO. first i gotta redesign Mac, poor lad is not a looker I'l tell you that.

FLEE I barely know their friends either- haven't gone about developing them. HOWEVER. I do have a villain in mind. I remember making him for my illustration class back in uni (sigh uni days...) I dom't have a name, but I have a face. He's a big leader of this village known for killing the hybrid/mutants. He and his crew, a rag-tag gun loving, truck driving, share-a-brain-cell, lot. How they've managed to become successful hunter bunch is unknown.

But one the friends I have developed enough is Bolt, who also comes with their own shennanigans and an old rusty bus. Techincally they don't need it because they're fast as fuck, but it helps to have around incase you get a goliath sand bobbit on your hands.

Tristian is the human, Leo is the bird friend. Actually Trisitian was out on his own for three days, he didn't cover much ground when he finally met Leo either- dumbass didn't bring enough food and water to last. He didn't even have a plan, just wanted to go out. The only reason Leo didn't send his ass running home was because something- or someone- pushed them far. far away. Oh my who could it be?

Tristians kind of a rarity, not many people leave the domes unless it's through underground passageways to other domes. Most people are blissfully unaware of the outside world. Not to say Tristians the only one who escaped, but he's the only one who's survived outside for so long. (dome people don't have any survival skills) The only reason Tristians gotten so far is dumb lucks and a hot headed bird friend.

#flee #answer #swup #tristian #leo #vicky

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jude

Jac: I know this is probably weird Jac: or just an unwelcome sight, my name in your inbox Jac: but if/when you have some time to spare, I'd like to talk, if you're willing Jude: whatever you heard I didn't do it Jac: We could workshop that but no, that's not what it is Jude: 🗨 about what then? Jac: Um, if I've gotta summarize it in a message Jac: the past 2-ish years? Jude: bit late to start 🗨 now but if you wanna not be 🤐 Jac: That's okay if you want it that way now but I can offer you explanations, if you want that too Jude: 10/10 opener Jac: Thanks Jac: though if you're saying it's as believable as your 'I didn't do it' I take some offence Jude: ⚽️ 🏀 🏈 ⚾️ 🥎 🏐 🏉 in my court is top for novelty value alone Jude: power might go to my head 🤯 Jac: get your kicks where you can, honestly Jude: 😜✌ Jac: You'll let me know then? Jude: [lowkey ages later] Jude: 🗨 if you still wanna Jac: Okay Jac: I appreciate it, hopefully you will too Jac: that's all I want really, so, obviously I'm the one that owes you whatever you need to hear but if you wanna give me an indication of where to start, it might be easier for us both Jude: idk where it even started Jac: for me, I'd say when I started to be friends with Savannah, at the start of transition year, and it really got real at the end of that year Jac: but maybe before I was slacking too, that's definitely possible Jude: it ain't a job Jac: no, I meant that it is work though, maintaining good relationships and being a decent sister, work that I wasn't putting in Jude: I've always been hard work for you, soz like Jac: It certainly wasn't your fault Jac: or what I was trying to allude to Jude: 🗨 or not goes both ways Jac: Okay, you can think that, you don't have a lot to suggest otherwise, I see that Jude: you talk to Jess cos he does your head in less than me, since forever Jac: In general, me and Jess have more in common than we do, I think Jac: but I didn't talk to him for the whole first year either, and I only did at all in the second because he did me a favour in a way I couldn't Jac: but I might have to go back to explain that in a less vague way Jude: go where you wanna, it's your 📖 Jude: I'm 👂 Jac: I'm not telling it for me Jac: but alright, I'll just do it Jac: so, Amelia was in love with me, it wasn't reciprocated, and she couldn't be my friend any longer, I lost her Jac: then what happened to Isabelle happened and I lost her Jac: and also Savannah at the same time Jac: and what happened to Is fucked me up, as well as the shit people were saying about it, about me around it Jac: it all got on top of me, I didn't cope with it, I took that out on a lot of people, you were one of them Jude: nowt I don't already know Jac: Right Jac: well I didn't know you knew that, so I felt I should tell you Jude: everyone knows about the 😍💖 Jude: I missed Sienna too & there's no way what happened to Izzy wouldn't fuck you up Jac: okay Jac: well it was rough, for a time there, and I didn't really have anyone to help me deal so I did some bad and stupid shit that didn't just affect me Jude: yeah Jac: and I'm sorry about that Jac: for however that affected you, at all Jude: alright Jac: and I only talked to Jesse because something really bad happened and he was there so I had no choice, really Jude: what was it? Jac: I don't wanna make you feel bad Jac: just to say how bad it was, like I'm being dramatic or whatever Jude: you can't just drop that something really bad happened & then not tell me ?? Jac: I had to have an abortion Jude: fuck Jac: I know that's a lot Jude: idk what to say Jac: You don't have to say anything Jude: ??! Jude: yeah I do, we can't just leave that there Jac: You don't have to like, try to make me feel better though Jac: I can talk more Jac: it was last christmas time Jac: and yeah Jac: it was the hardest thing I'll probably ever have to do Jude: Christmas Jac: yeah, great timing, right Jude: who was it? do I know him? Jac: no, it was some guy at some party, complete accident Jude: I'm never hooking up with anyone ever Jac: I wasn't being as careful as I could've been Jac: I was on the pill, I am, but I was sick so Jude: if it happened to you, it could definitely happen to me Jac: no, I wasn't being safe at all, I wasn't like me Jac: you wouldn't do that Jac: not like you shouldn't be careful yourself, of course, but I'm not trying to fear monger Jude: why? Jac: because I didn't feel well Jac: or like protecting myself from bad stuff Jac: but it was a wake-up call Jude: are you better now or what? Jac: I'm trying to be Jac: I wasn't trying at all back then Jac: but I am now, and part of that is reaching out, so you really can ask anything Jac: if you want to Jude: I don't think you should go if you're not Jac: I think University will be good for me Jac: I have stopped doing a lot of the things I was already, and I'm trying to do more things that I should again Jac: the fresh start, getting to do what I want to do, that's been keeping me going Jude: but it's really far away Jude: what if Jac: I don't want you to worry about me like that Jac: I'm not about living like that now Jac: if I had to stay here, I'm not saying I would go back, but leaving is a good thing Jude: you were though & you're not gonna have anyone to help you deal there, that's why you said it got bad before Jac: I still don't have friends here Jac: I have a better chance to make new ones when we're all new, you know Jac: but it was all the stuff that was too much that made it all happen Jude: it feels like a 🥉💡 Jac: Why? Jude: cos you said it was the only thing keeping you going so if it goes wrong Jac: but it's not going to go wrong Jac: you know academics have always been where I'm most comfortable Jude: yeah but Jac: I worked really hard for this, and I've always wanted it Jac: I can swap Universities, if I need to do that Jac: and I would, if things weren't working Jude: promise Jac: I promise Jac: I don't know how I'll reassure you on this, apart from getting there, and then checking in Jude: then do that Jac: I will Jude: okay Jac: I'm not going to go back there Jac: I want to be better, and that's half the battle, right Jude: true Jac: I have to get out of here Jac: you'll feel the same when your time comes too Jude: it's not bad for me here Jude: I get why you wanna leave & Jess has gotta for the ⭐dom but I'm all good Jac: you want to see the rest of the world too though Jac: not stay here forever Jude: I'm not gonna 👀 sod all from a lecture hall Jude: & a basic bitch gap year ain't no mood Jac: I'm gonna be in Edinburgh, a whole new city to explore and make home Jac: you have to go somewhere you wanna be Jac: and then you'll have good money to see enough of the world and not have to do it with pretentious gap year people slumming it in hostels Jude: I just don't know where I'd wanna be Jac: you still have time to figure that out Jude: but I won't have my pick like you Jude: not 🤓 enough Jac: you can still pick a city, lots of bigger places have lots of different Unis Jac: even if the Uni isn't like ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Jac: the place can be Jude: you're right, I've slummed it on loads of school trips & it's still been 🥇 Jac: and I'm not calling you stupid, you can get into wherever you wanna, with the work Jude: tah, don't be calling me thick 🤣 Jac: just so you can't call me out later, of course Jude: probs won't be going to Spain though I ain't getting any 🏆 in that class Jac: you usually get a year abroad if you want it Jac: still chance for some sun, sea and sand Jude: 😝 Jude: can't be tamed, the teacher'd be fuming to find out I'm in Barcelona loving the 🎨 Jac: you can fluff your first year Jac: get it out of your system 😏 Jude: yeah? Jude: I thought that was a rumour to 🎣 out dickheads Jac: I think if you totally tanked it, they might wanna get you gone Jac: but I don't know if they technically can Jude: watch me test it 😏 Jac: 🙄 Jac: 🤞 you change your mind in these interim years Jude: they'll be like oi you piss off & I'll be like nah mate!! 😜✌ Jac: 😂 Jac: good luck with that Jude: I've got this Jac: No doubt Jude: you can still have kids later if you want, can't you? Jac: It shouldn't have had any effect, like that Jac: I don't think losing a baby does, usually, unless it goes really badly and that didn't happen Jude: yeah, you're not Amelia's mum Jac: yeah, I'm clearly fertile Jac: so unless the karma is I'm not later Jude: thank god Jac: I don't know if I'll ever want to do it again Jude: idk if I want kids either but we might Jude: like ages from now Jac: yeah Jac: It was just a lot to go through Jude: did they knock you out to do it? Jude: that must've been scary Jac: I took the tablets Jac: did it at home Jude: here Jac: yeah Jude: shit Jac: I told Jess, so he stayed with me Jude: I'm glad Jude: he's the one I'd tell too Jac: Poor him Jude: I do tell him stuff, I'm sure he's gutted about it Jac: I just meant it's a bit rude of us to put it all on him Jac: I'm sure he isn't gutted Jude: yeah but he won't be around for it soon Jac: you can still talk to him Jude: nah, he'll be proper busy 🤠🎤🎵🎸 Jac: you can still blow his phone up Jac: he'll get back to you Jac: beside, you have friends too Jude: I can handle it, I've got mates, mum & dad & obvs me Jude: he's earned a break Jac: yeah Jac: no doubt he'll be grateful Jude: for sure Jac: 👍 Jude: I mean from me, not you Jac: no, I know what you mean Jac: I've put him through enough Jude: nah, I have Jude: you were really going through something Jac: Are you okay? Jude: yeah Jac: Good Jac: like you said, you can handle it Jac: not going to start demanding you tell me things Jude: it was just a weird time Jude: is Jac: yeah Jac: I know Jude: I didn't know what to do & like I always know about myself Jude: things ain't usually confusing Jac: I'm sorry Jac: for making shit harder for you, you didn't need that Jac: a lot of it was too painful to talk about Jac: like, I couldn't Jude: & you don't have to, not to make me feel better Jac: I wasn't intending to make you feel shit Jac: but I also didn't do anything to go out of my way to do the opposite either Jude: you made loads of people feel shit, I'm not special Jude: or probs even top 5 Jac: I did Jac: it was easier Jac: than questions and concern Jac: for me though Jac: not you lot Jude: you can't be selfless all the time Jude: everyone's a selfish dickhead when they're 💔 Jac: I didn't have to be quite so selfish Jac: that's a lie, I did feel like I had to at the time, or I wouldn't have done it Jac: but that doesn't excuse it as alright Jude: it wasn't alright Jude: but none of us are saying it is Jac: it means you get to react how you wanna now Jac: even if that ain't alright either Jude: bit late to 🥊 Jac: you could try it Jac: you needn't think I'm just gonna take it though Jude: I got my own room out of it, if I do a OTT 🚪 slam you'll get the point Jac: you get your own room regardless now Jude: & this time I can actually chuck your shit out without mum or dad having a go at me Jac: if you want Jude: it'll be gone soon as you have 👋 Jac: that's fine Jac: I have the things I need Jude: I won't ask you to help me start the wall mural as a bonding activity, you're alright Jac: would be counterproductive Jude: yeah you'd only fuck up my artistic vision Jac: naturally Jude: if Amelia weren't so in love with you she might've bothered to teach you how to 🖌🎨 instead of being convinced you were 10/10 as you were Jac: I'd hate to steal your thunder Jude: the competition'd be a right laugh Jude: I wouldn't mind it Jude: how you get better anyway Jac: It's one way Jac: I've always been peerless so I wouldn't know but Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: when Sav left, she gave you a 🏃 for your 💰 before that Jude: 🤓🥇🏆 Jac: True Jude: I wonder where she's going Jac: Bath, probably Jac: unless she changed her plans Jac: or got into Oxbridge Jude: that 1st bit don't sound like something she'd do Jude: maybe her Catholic school was top notch though Jac: I doubt her dad was going to risk sending to another shithole Jude: I don't get why he sent her away at all Jude: there's gonna be lads like that at parties a few hours from here just the same Jac: Yeah well, it was a convenient excuse for what he probably wanted to do anyhow Jac: and I doubt she was allowed to go to many parties after that, wherever she was Jude: he's a twat for not caring what Sav & Sienna want, I wouldn't let him tell me nowt Jac: you wouldn't have much choice Jude: 😬 Jac: clearly their mum didn't argue loads for them to stay so Jac: that's that Jude: yeah but he could've stayed closer & still had them live with him Jac: well there's no point pretending he isn't a twat, for the sake of this convo Jac: maybe he had a job offer, I don't know Jude: 🤷🏼 Jac: anyway Jude: ?? Jac: I don't know Jac: is there anything else you wanna know Jude: does it get any worse? Jac: no, that's the worst Jude: then you can tell me if there's anything else Jac: I mean, it wasn't so much what I was doing or did Jac: you know the rest, the drinking and partying and obviously the sex Jude: it was a bit hard to miss Jac: yeah Jac: it was what it was Jude: I don't blame you for wanting to go, you won't get a fresh start here after what all that was Jude: you were my sister before far as the 🗨 went now I'm yours Jac: well, I want to go anyway, always have Jac: I don't care what people think Jude: good job none of us are that bothered, with Jess blowing up an' all Jac: you can't be responsible for what people say about anyone but yourself Jude: I know Jude: dunno if the other two have their heads round that yet though Jac: well I'm sorry for what people might think or say about you because of me Jac: we're all going to have to make changes, because of Jess' lifestyle now Jude: there ain't no might about it, they do 💭 & 🗨 Jac: then I'm sorry Jude: don't bother being, it don't matter if you are & people have always 🗨 bollocks Jude: if it ain't you it's Jess or mum being a model, whatever else there is Jac: well I still am Jude: I can't change your 🧠 Jac: just because people talk, doesn't mean I have to give them more to talk about Jude: you won't be, you'll have pissed off to do your psychology degree, getting to just be you somewhere else Jude: like I'll get to just be me if I go far enough away too Jac: Yeah, that's generally why people do it Jude: even if Jess gets well famous in the next couple of years, still a common enough last name Jude: I should be able to do my own thing Jac: exactly Jac: private profiles, the whole deal, it's just what you'll have to do Jude: not gonna wish he fucks it, that'd be a bit rude Jac: Of course not Jac: it doesn't mean it won't be hard Jac: people already know you're related, you've been at gigs and stuff Jude: something else I can handle Jac: doesn't mean you can't feel a type of way about it Jude: it's what he wants to do Jac: Yeah Jac: but how do you feel about it? Jude: idk nowt's really happened yet Jude: it might get weird Jac: Yeah Jac: I get you Jude: I don't wanna be famous & especially not just for being his little sister Jac: yeah, I'd hate that as well Jac: people speculating 'round here is bad enough Jude: but maybe it'll help with my 🎨 Jude: not being a total unknown Jac: maybe Jac: but you wanna know you earnt recognition for your ability, not who you're related to Jude: all I know is if people start asking for 📷 I'm gonna have to look 11/10 every day Jac: 🙄😂 Jude: even for school! oh my god that'll be knackering Jude: I'll have to get up early Jude: tah for that, Jess Jac: people at school already have loads of embarrassing pictures Jac: at least you'll know where they've come from Jude: my mates won't do that, so yeah I'll know WHO they've come from Jac: you never know Jac: it changes people Jac: and not just the person it happens to Jude: what so I've gotta keep my 👀 on everyone? UGH Jac: I'm not trying to be dramatic Jac: but you hear about it Jac: people selling you out, for their own fame or 💶 Jude: you're not wrong, I'm just not chuffed to have to walk on 🥚 Jude: be a right laugh that will Jude: but whatever I ain't gonna whinge to you Jude: that'd be a bigger pisstake after everything you've just said Jac: can't say I blame you Jac: you can talk about whatever you want Jude: to loads of other people, not you Jac: if that's how you want it Jac: not because you think you can't Jude: it's how it is, you've got a lot on Jac: You can still talk to me Jac: regardless Jude: changing the habit of a lifetime of you telling me to NOT, that's like another fresh start Jude: so nah, not really Jac: that is what I'm trying to do Jude: & I'm here for you if you want but I don't need it from you Jude: like I don't need Jess to rush back from gigging how we said earlier Jac: Alright Jac: that's how we'll go forth then Jude: 👍 Jac: See you later then Jude: 👌✌

[moonctzeny]

Does your school system also include like "continuous assessments" which are graded homeworks/projects/group or solo presentations... during the semester and "final assessments" which are one big final exam for each course. And for each course the FINAL NOTE is like 50% continuous assessment + 50% of the final exam (But sometimes it's a 30/70 rate). On my case, that's why I felt so overwhelmed by Uni. For each course I always had multiple projects (counting for like ONLY 20% of the continuous ASSESSMENT which is already 50% or even 30% of the final note lol). But you spend like 10hours+ for this sh*t 😂 I've been through so many break downs lol.

Keep on!! You're already done with half of the year right? You have already overcome the most difficult!!!

You really don't have to put pressure on yourself, write what you love, your works are incredible and I'm glad that more and more people appreciate your art 😎 I remember when you posted Baby, and now it is 1300+ notes!!! Idem for First Times with 800+!!!! Well some other stories seem to have been drown by the amount of posts on the platform but they all deserved love 🥰🥰

As for me, I'm currently looking for a permanent job but it has been quite a hard journey. If I have experience, not enough in the field. If I have experience in the field, unfortunately not long enough. But hey employers, I'm only 23, what do you expect from me 😭😭 Lucky for me I have been doing my 2 years Master Degree WHILE working(apprenticeship) , and I'm still struggling (well I'm sure it's also because of Covid...) I can't imagine for graduate who have 0 experience 😱

~ 🇫🇷

Yess it’s like that only worse! Remember the 67 page technical report I told you about? It’s basically 2,000 lines of code and it counts for *drumrolls please* just 20% of the grade?! And then, I don’t just have to give online exams in those online platforms and then be done, no no. If I write a passing grade there, I’m only given a chance to participate in an oral zoom exam with my professor that will solely count for my final grade 😞 So I’m left with 8 examinations in 13 days!! and the projects were announced WAY overdue. We just got assigned two more projects and we’re a week away from exam season starting!!

Thank you so much for your kind words, you’re really an og here ❤️❤️❤️ I remember when I posted Baby I thought “If this gets 30 notes I will be so satisfied!!” and now we’re at 1,3k 🤧 and yes, there are sooo many good nct writers that works get lost sometimes, but as long as I have you guys liking them that’s all that matters!

And girl,, employers nowadays are looking for a 20 year old with a 10 year experience 😓 your previous internship will definitely help you, I wish you the best! And don’t doubt yourself it’s 100% bc of Covid, everyone is struggling to get a decent job nowadays

#of course notes are good but seeing nice messages/tags from my readers is so much better #and thank you for reminding me not to pressure myself I know you requested this such a long time ago 😞 #🇫🇷

[punkscowardschampions]

Fraze & Ava

Fraze: Come home now Ava: I'm at Kylie's, we just ordered food Fraze: You didn't hear me say please 'cause I ain't Fraze: It's not a request Ava: Why do I need to, let's start there Fraze: You know why Ava: So I'm not allowed to go out now? Ava: We can talk later, when you've calmed down Fraze: I've cancelled two meetings, we can talk now Ava: I didn't ask you to do that Ava: God's sake Fraze: You want my attention, you've got it, like Ava: Get your own lines, yeah Ava: I don't want your attention, sorry to say Fraze: I've got a sister, I know what shit boyfriends are for, yeah Ava: Seriously? Ava: 🙄 Fraze: I also get what lads your own age are like, but you've got a bit far, don't you reckon? Fraze: *gone Ava: You don't get it at all if you think it's anything to do with anyone but me and him Fraze: Nah, what I don't get is why him Ava: Why anyone? Ava: I like him, it's as simple as that Fraze: Give me one thing you've got in common that ain't your postcode Fraze: He's at a different stage in his life, Ava, it's as simple as that Ava: Well we lack common familial DNA, how's that Ava: That's up for us to decide, not you Fraze: You really don't wanna start taking the piss right now Ava: It's literally not your business, you've never shown any interest in anyone else I've dated Ava: so I'm not going to sit here and justify anything to you now Fraze: Date someone your own age without any kids or a wife and we can go back to that Ava: And miss out on all this great attention? Ava: You're alright Fraze: You ain't half as funny as you reckon, and neither is this Ava: That's alright then 'cos I'm not joking about it Fraze: You are if you think I'm gonna pat you on the head for this, it ain't happening Fraze: You've got an important year of school to get on with, uni after that Ava: Can you please get a grip Ava: We don't all do things for head pats Ava: and? Fraze: Don't talk to me like that Ava: Then try talking to me like an adult Fraze: Try acting like one Ava: By doing what you want? Ava: Sure Fraze: By not storming out the second you don't get what you want, for a start Ava: You can't talk Fraze: I'm the one who started this conversation, if you ain't ready to have it, you ain't ready to do it Fraze: Throwing bullshit out like 'it ain't my buisiness' or 'you like him' as though any of it is that fucking simple Ava: What conversation? Ava: You've shouted all of this before I left Ava: but I'm pouting 'cos I'm not getting what I want, alright dad Fraze: You didn't listen then either Fraze: You want me to be sorry that it needs to be said, I ain't Fraze: You want me to be in the wrong for giving a shit about what you're doing, again, I ain't Ava: You know what they call repeating the same process and expecting a different outcome Ava: I'm not going to change my mind or change what I'm doing Ava: that's all there is to it, that's not up for debate because it's my decision, not yours, or a communal one Fraze: Neither am I, he's too old for you and he's got too much baggage Ava: So what? Fraze: So no good's gonna come of it Ava: You reckon Ava: but it already has Fraze: The honeymoon period's fucking boss, yeah? Fraze: Then what? Ava: More like it's nice when there's someone to come see you in hospital Fraze: Make up your mind, this is a dig at me or it ain't Ava: He's been there Fraze: I'm here Fraze: Talk to me Ava: I have Ava: you don't like what I'm saying that's your problem Fraze: Put yourself in my position Fraze: What's to like? Ava: You don't know him Ava: you give people a chance, that's how it works Fraze: It ain't about him, it's about you Fraze: I thought you had your head screwed on, that you knew what you were doing and could be trusted to get on with it Ava: I do Ava: I've not done anything wrong Ava: or changed what I've been doing Fraze: Bullshit, he's a married man Ava: And, you're really concerned about the sanctity of marriage now? Ava: It doesn't matter Fraze: I'm concerned if you're naive enough to fall for whatever sob story he's telling you Ava: Yeah, that's why I like him Ava: what the fuck is wrong with you all Ava: why is that who you think I am Fraze: You go through 'em, and there ain't nothing wrong in that, but he ain't some teenage boy Ava: Wow Fraze: Ask yourself what he sees in you, he's a grown man with responsibilities Ava: And I'm not a kid Fraze: Exactly, so grow up Fraze: He's using you 'cause his life is shit and you're gonna get hurt Ava: You grow up Ava: I can handle getting hurt Ava: I'm not going to not live my life in fear of Fraze: You can't save him, Ava Fraze: Don't fuck with your own future Ava: I'm not trying to, Jesus! Fraze: Nah, you're just having fun Fraze: And maybe it is fun now Fraze: See how fun you reckon it is when it ain't a secret any more Ava: It already isn't Fraze: Then stop Ava: I meant not a secret and you know it Fraze: Yeah right Ava: We're done here Fraze: You don't tell me when we're done Ava: Just did Ava: I'm staying here tonight Fraze: No, you ain't Ava: Yes I am Fraze: Come home or I'll bring you home Fraze: You don't wanna test me Ava: Yeah, you even remember where she lives? Ava: Doubt it Fraze: Try me Ava: I don't need to be there right now Fraze: If I tell you that you need to, you need to Fraze: End of Ava: No Fraze: If I get in this car, you're the only one who'll regret it Ava: I don't care Ava: make a scene Fraze: Fine Ava: You can't force me to go anywhere Fraze: We'll see, like Ava: Have fun Fraze: This ain't fun for me Ava: You think I'm going to apologize for anything now? Ava: No Fraze: I don't care Fraze: It ain't an apology I want Ava: You aren't getting what you want Fraze: No shit Ava: Then leave me alone Fraze: Look where that's got us Ava: This is not about you Fraze: Jesus Fraze: It's about you, the mistake you're making with this lad Ava: I can make mistakes if I want Ava: you can't stop me Fraze: That don't mean I'm gonna sit back and watch with my mouth shut Ava: Fine, you can waste your breath Fraze: It's the least of what I'm willing to do for you, you know that Fraze: I ain't never gonna stop trying, ever, with anything Ava: You can't expect me to be grateful about that when you're being totally unreasonable and insulting Fraze: You're my life, whatever I've gotta do to stop you from fucking up yours, I'm gonna do it Ava: I'm not fucking up my life Ava: nothing has changed Fraze: Not yet Fraze: How long before he's getting in the way of shit you wanna do with your mates, with uni? Fraze: He's not 17, he already has been Ava: He's not like that, at all Ava: and why do you suddenly think I'd let that happen Ava: if you give a shit about me, you should know who the fuck I am Fraze: People can hold you back without meaning to, I did it to your ma, I never wanted to drag her down, did I? Ava: Like mum would have let you if that's not what she wanted Fraze: She's better than me, she always has been Ava: No she's not Ava: and like your life is so shit, yeah Ava: what kind of cautionary tale do you think you can offer that even comes close to James' actual situation? Fraze: Our life is what we made it, so's yours gonna be Fraze: What do you want? Ava: I'm aware Ava: and I'm well aware of what I want too Fraze: What about him, what does he want? Ava: He literally has a job and just got his degree Ava: you all have no right to be so judgmental Fraze: It's concern Ava: 'cos you really vetted Rio out Ava: or any of the random coked-out skeletons Nancy has dated Ava: never mind the fact your own son had a kid not long after James had his, never mind you had Buster and Nancy not long after 16 either Fraze: You ain't your brother or your sister and I ain't trying to make the same mistakes Fraze: Or let you repeat mine Ava: Get over it Ava: You don't own the world's problems Ava: and you aren't the only decent people to have ever made them Fraze: Fuck's sake, Ava Fraze: He could be a saint and I wouldn't reckon he was good enough for you Ava: That's your issue, not his Fraze: You're my little girl, what do you want me to say? Ava: For God's sake Ava: I'm not a little girl now Fraze: I know Fraze: Gutted about it, like Ava: 🙄 Ava: Well I'm very sorry Ava: you'll have to deal with that too Fraze: Yeah Ava: I'll come back when we've eat, alright Fraze: Alright Ava: Okay? Fraze: I love you Ava: Let's not get crazy Ava: I love you too Fraze: And I'm sorry I weren't there when you got hurt Ava: It was just an accident Ava: not another planned attempt for some sweet, sweet attention Fraze: Piss off, I'm trying to have a heartfelt moment here Ava: Sure, now you are Ava: lead with something nice before attacking Fraze: I ain't in no position to judge anyone, yeah, I know that, and it honestly ain't the point Fraze: He'll be a decent enough lad if you like him Ava: Then don't use it as your first line of defense, yeah Ava: 'cos he is Ava: and like I said, and you put even more harshly, you've never given any of my many and varied boyfriends or girlfriends this degree of inspection Ava: you're assuming it's more serious and dramatic but it doesn't have to be Fraze: Come on, I'm doing my best Fraze: There's a reason your ma deals with this shit Ava: Oh yeah, she did great Ava: let's not saint her over it yet, like Fraze: Don't say a bad word about her to me, we ain't doing that Ava: Yeah, yeah Fraze: We're a team, simple as Ava: Yeah, it's just hilarious that you and Buster are trying to tell me anything when you won't listen to anyone about your spouses so Fraze: When you're in love and a lost cause, we'll all laugh it up Fraze: Until then, I'm gonna keep on at you Ava: Charming Fraze: I want better for you than anything I've ever done Ava: You're so dramatic Fraze: With good reason, life ain't been easy Ava: Okay, write your memoirs Fraze: I ain't got time for that, kid Ava: What a coincidence 😏 Fraze: Eat your food and get home Ava: Oh now you don't want me to hang out with my friends Fraze: Not her, she's well dramatic Ava: 😂 Fraze: I need a drink and your ma definitely does, so don't make me come looking for you Ava: Oh yeah, I really owe you one Ava: pfft Fraze: You can have one when you show your face, how's that? Ava: Bribery with alcohol? Ava: 10/10 parenting Fraze: Sounds about right Ava: 👌