#which i have never managed to do before

[literateish]

books i read in january 📚

astrid parker doesn't fail by ashley herring blake - 4.5 stars

anxious people by fredrik backman - 4.75 stars

shadow & bone by leigh bardugo - 3.75 stars

lessons in chemistry by bonnie garmus - 5 stars

siege & storm by leigh bardugo - 3.5 stars

red dragon by thomas harris - 1 star

ruin & rising by leigh bardugo - 4 stars

romeo and juliet by william shakespeare - 3.5 stars

convenience store woman by sayaka murata - 3 stars

small things like these by claire keegan - 4 stars

alice in wonderland by lewis carroll - 3.75 stars

black widow: shield's most wanted - 4.25 stars

black widow: the name of the rose - 4.75 stars

the history of mary prince by mary prince - 3 stars

brighton rock by graham greene - 4 stars

hook, line, and sinker by tessa bailey - 4 stars

five survive by holly jackson - 3.5 stars

ethel and ernest by raymond briggs - 3.75 stars

the midnight library by matt haig - 5 stars

#i read nineteen books this month #which i have never managed to do before #i’m slightly in shock #january wrap up #han talks books

[cozylittleartblog]

whip you into shape!!

#deltarune #tasque manager #deltarune chapter 2 #art #hello ma'am i have been waiting to draw you for almost 2 years but i simply have not gotten around to it until now #i love her i love her design i love the holographic elements i love how she and swatches faces kind of match #Queen Turned Their Faces Into Robot Ones (And They're Both Better Off For It) #deltarune fanart #i mean i've drawn her before but i wanted to give her a Nice Big Image not a doodle yknow #ohhhh all the tasque manager art i've started and never finished #ohhhhhhhhh there's so much of it. there's so much #finished one :) #i saw all those numbers and said Naw not doing that. which is probably not the correct option #but alsooooo whatever lol

[hella1975]

i passed all my exams

#NO RESITS???? ON COURSE TO GRADUATING WITH EVERYONE??? NO ONE MOVE #THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE HELLO. HELLO. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #IM SO. IM NOT EVEN HAPPY YET BC IM JUST IN A STATE OF SHOCK #ONE SEMESTER DOWN ⁉️ AND THE HARDEST ONE TOO #I want a 2:1 average from this fuckass degree which is somehow MANAGEABLE bc i got an overall 2:1 average last year #and that’ll be weighted 35% of my final mark so that’s good #then from these exams I’ve averaged 2:2 which isn’t ideal but I never do well w in person exams and im honestly surprised i even PASSED #this semester is much more coursework based esp with my dissertation and i do better with that shit #so as long as I get a decent 2:1 or even better (⁉️⁉️⁉️) this term I actually should end this degree with a 2:1 #like. i am on course for that. do you even know how mental that is #for this degree you have WATCHED me fight tooth and nail for 3 years #im acc in a state of shock rn no one blags as hard as me NO ONE #hella goes to uni

[flufflecat]

Got to stolen century in my relisten and started tearing up at work because of magnus carving the duck. Just me in the back room, crying over the dish sink for normal reasons.

#the adventure zone #taz balance #taz #it gets me every time #I was anticipating that scene all shift #and wanted to leave before I got to it bc I knew I would start crying and didn't want to cry at work ahfkahfkka #unfortunately I had to stay an hour and a half late bc yayyy labor day #I also started tearing up at merle with the church of fungston. for some reason. #merle has never really made me that emotional before but I guess now in my old age I'm more struck by his love of life #i understand you better now merle. as a twenty-something I really see the appeal in being able to love life despite the hardships #(this is a joke. I am almost 24 and do not think I'm old) #(I do find merles brand of optimism very good nowadays though. I also have a zest for life and a need to complain about things) #I managed to not cry at the lup and Barry duet though which I am quite proud of #probably bc I spent like half an hour watching lup animatics last night and got my tears out then #I'm having a normal time #normal as hell #most people probably cry over podcasts at their grocery store job #I think that's a standard experience #especially when those podcasts are from 7 years ago and you're still not over them #standard #fluffle talks

[ceaseless-rambler]

I just did Jonny d'Ville eyeliner and how the hell did he get his off. I used a pencil which I believe is generally easier to get off than liquid liner (although I could be making that up idk) and it was horrible to remove. I think Jonny's eyeliner looks more like liquid based on the smoothness of the lines and opacity and stuff. How the FUCK

#it wasnt as bad as that weird oil-based skin-safe crayon thing i used for skull makeup on halloween a few years back #never putting that on my face again #that skull makeup was the last time i did anything before this stuff today actually #shocked i managed to make it look even half decent but it actually looked pretty good #i would absolutely recommend doing jonny d'ville eyeliner it made me feel so hot #kinda want to post pictures of that + the vague attempt at a cosplay on here but. posting my face on tumblr #i saw vague attempt because i had to go entirely based on vibes rather than actual appearance #i own one white shirt and it's sleeveless #and i own nothing brown at all #i do have a very good belt though! #i also used a wooden dagger as a gun stand-in cause it captured the vibe better than a nerf gun #which was my only other option #uhhh organization tags now i guess #the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #also probably #ceaseless rambles

[cinna-bunnie]

not me and my manager trauma bonding over mommy issues 💀💕 i love her aksksk oof i had to go smoke and Think after this one

i love when our one on ones are basically like lol i don't have much 2 talk about this wk and we get like 40m to hang n talk after getting work stuff out the way. she is such a sweetie and so fun (❁´◡`❁)

#i talked about my intro 2 adulthood and what it was like around before/when i left home and how my sis was just 10 when i left #so we never rly got to be close n i just started talking 2 her this year. but the last thing i told my mom was she lost her son forever #and that she better not fuck up with my sister - and she took it to heart fr which was Great for my sister. #she grew up v loved and supported and idk as the eldest u have complicated feelings being the experiment child. #and as an older sibling u are genuinely happy ur younger sibling has it so much better but there's this disconnect where u both have #Very very different feelings about ur mom and family in general ig. but it's from having lived different lives and idk. #she relates though 😔💕 oldest sibs rly b dealing w moms that tear them down then watch w bittersweet feelings that ur sibs get a better #life. my life itself is fine lol im kinda stoned (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) but like. a good loving childhood. support. community n never feeling like #there's Nothing for u here. she's turning 21 in December it's crazy how time flies. I'm glad she's doing good but I'm just thinking about #how we had Very different lives and stuff going on in our late teens 😮‍💨 #bless my manager fr i'm glad we got to get into it !! 😹 i can see why i miss her when we don't get to meet for the week

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Writer Life: Part 3.

Here are All The Notebooks I Own! Everything in the first picture is what was in Part 2 but Stacked (wow I go through a lot of paper).

The second picture is ALL. The back left two stacks are everything that's written in; everything else is Yet To Be Written In (although the blues and yellows splayed out front are for Lucius stuff and NaNo 2023 stuff, respectively, and that little flask-looking journal will be Bitch Journal Volume 2 when I fill up Volume 1). Also pictured here are my plot note cards! I started those in high school when I was trying to keep track of a trilogy, and I haven't looked back since.

By Total Counts, I have:

33 empty/unused notebooks (including: 13 gifted notebooks, 6 salvaged partial notebooks from other projects, and 6 bookmarked for specific usage imminently)

74 used/full notebooks (including although not limited to: 14 Lucius notebooks, 7 Driscoll notebooks, and At Least Six (6) Alicia notebooks, plus whatever loose leaf Alicia I've got squirreled away)

Consider this a Defense of the Honor of Writers Everywhere--sure, we have a lot of notebooks as a group, but!: At least some them really do get used!! And that's including the fact that the ~Vibe~ must be Correct™.

Part 1 | Part 2

#personal #writing #my writing #writer life #notebooks #y'all i'm literally floored by this lol #i've never counted them all before #and i have the object permanence of a fruit fly so like. if i don't see them they simply Do Not Exist #a lot of these live in the refrigerator tower of writing which is. opaque. #so this was a hell of a trip for meeee #anyway i DID manage to make them all fit again so that's nice!! #now i better. go do the tasks i was sposed to do today XD huh...

[uncaught-coolfish]

also the amount of ppl comparing bees to ships like catr/ora bubb/line and fucking kor/rasami (lots of /‘s oops sorry just to be safe) is so funny. like. go sit at the other lunch table

#rwde #like I have beef with c//a (not too much though) but you cannot compare the fucking goldmine of queer rep in that show #to whatever the fuck rw//by has. #and the amount of “uwu comparisons!” I’ve seen with ka #people straight up saying “WOW GUYS…. BEES TECHNICALLY WERE WRITTEN BEFORE KA…” fuck you #the show literally censored to death by the company running it managing to confirm a lesbian relationship BEFORE GAY MARRIAGE WAS LEGALIZED #is sooooo like the show that held that shit out for 10 fucking years which is apparently the “gold standard” now #yeah guys. queerbait your audience. that’s the way to go I fucking guess #and if I see 1 fucker try and compare it to anything related to su i’m gonna see spiders #though I do find it funny I’ve yet to see any comparisons to harl//ivy. yeah at least they know they’re never touching that one <3

[agena87]

Either my story post really sucks. Or it doesn't appear on anyone's dash... 'cause even my most useless text posts get notes, but my first part of "Sacrélège"? Just one note (well, two but one is my own rb) since I posted it last evening.

Or everyone decided that I suck and they now hate me.

(yes, I'm in a very confident mood, as you can see)(no I'm not; I kinda want to abandon my new story because it's probably too shitty anyway and just lie in bed for the next decade or so)

#and to help with the self-confidence i still haven't managed to have a new psych nurse assigned to me #since september though i asked them to and they said they would contact me #and even after leaving messages for them to call me i still don't have any answer #my former nurse would have never do that; though now that i think of it she was supposed to call me before she left #but i think her colleague never gave her the message 'cause she always had been awesome and i trust her #so yeah i feel like i'm not wanted #which sucks ass #i'll just go watch dumb movies under my weighted blanket then #i should just shut up

[hella1975]

what does it mean to average 2:1 or 2:2? I don’t think we do that in America

okay so the uni grading system here is done based on percentages. the pass mark is 40%, which americans ALWAYS hit me with 'only 40???? easy!!!' so id like to clarify the content/exams are very difficult and the marking is very mean and generally it's really frustrating when people respond this way, like why tf would we have such a low pass grade otherwise it's a dumb assumption to make but anyway. you do about 6 modules a semester (on average, some courses have more/less), and each module will give you a final grade, and then the average of all your modules from both semesters will give you your final year grade. they're all marked by the same system, which is:

grade of less than 40% = fail

grade of 40%-50% = third class honours (called a third)

grade of 50%-60% = lower second class honours (a 2:2, literally said aloud as 'i got a two-two in my exam')

grade of 60%-70% = upper second class honours (a 2:1, said as 'i got a two-one'). this is what im PRAYING for.

grade of 70%+ = first class honours (just called a first). this is the highest you can get, so even if you get 90% you'll have the same grade as someone who got 72%. this is also what i mean by the exam system being really tough here, bc most people are just grateful to get a first.

#so last year i got averages of just over 60 in a lot of my modules but also some that i BARELY scraped a pass #bc id resat them and when you resit an exam (bc you failed the first time. lol. lmao) then even if you get 100% on the resit #they will cap you at 40%. so naturally it shafts your average #but i STILL SOMEHOW MANAGED TO AVERAGE WITH A 2:1 LAST YEAR WHICH IS WHY IN THAT POST I MADE BACK THEN I WAS FREAKINGGG OUT #bc that's genuinely such a good grade like that's an UPPER SECOND CLASS HONOURS and i never considered i could do that #bc of how much this degree has pumelled me into the mud. so yeah now that i know it's actually potentially feasible #im really really hoping to keep it up and end with a 2:1 #bc traditionally (and im not saying this is a correct way to think. you're not gonna see me of all people yapping about good grades #have you SEEN the state of my academics) a first or a 2:1 are considered the best outcomes with a degree #while a 2:2 is shrug not bad not great and anything lower is considered 'embarrassing' #and i literally MADE PEACE with the fact id be getting a piss poor grade out of econ so to find out all my hard work and struggling #MIGHT ACTUALLY PAY OFF ON PAPER??? WHEN IT LITERALLY NEVER HAS BEFORE???? POPPING MY PUSSY #ask #hella goes to uni

[rickybaby]

I’m now kind of laughing about the pictures of Daniel today with ZB, knowing this was going to drop today. Like I know he was being genuine because he’s too nice but I like to think it was in the back of his mind.

I mean, as much as we say he’s too nice to stop and interact with that team, he’s a professional in a professional environment. So he kind of has to do what he needs to do irrespective of how he might personally feel towards them

#also unrelated #just wanted to reiterate I don’t believe mclaren actively sabotaged Daniel or anything #because sure this is a high stakes sport where it means millions between p4 and p5 in the standings #and we’ve all agreed that yes Daniel never managed to gel with their car but you have to agree that THEY gave up on solving his problems way #before Daniel gave up on the relationship and they pretty much sat back while Daniel chased his own tail trying to determine what’s wrong #and #Daniel specifically told them what he needed to get used to the car and Andreas and co went around at the end of 2021 saying #Daniel’s feedback has been essential to make us understand the limitations of our car and we’ll take what he said in consideration #only for them to admit at the end of last year that to implement Daniel’s suggestions meant changing too much of their car’s dna and #that wasn’t something they were interested to do #and then they showed up in Bahrain this year with the most godawful car and no longer had a convenient scapegoat #and had to go and redid their whole car and copied the rb philosophy which they could have done at #the time daniel told them to #but no

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[seventeendeer]

shout-out to the 214k word undertale fanfiction I wrote and published ~7 years ago that still gets kudos on the regular

I want to make art and share it w the world and feel seen and understood, but finishing stuff is hard. if I die before I finish anything else that is fine, however, bc clearly that fanfiction will continue to shine across time and space like an immortal angel stretching on and on until the heat death of the universe

#deerchatter #ive obvs gotten a lot better at writing. but yall wouldn't know that since i never fucking share anything. help me #i can never seem to finish anything ... #recently picked up my fanmade pokémon region project again. have finished 80 mons so far but not a single completed dex entry #which i want to do before sharing ... #i genuinely am so happy my old ut fic got so popular and is still read to this day bc even if i never manage to finish anything else #at least i got to show off smth i made to a lot of people. even if it is no longer my best work. #bleh 3am artistic loneliness. that soul void game did smth to me man

[orcelito]

Read the most depressing trauma dumping letter Ever sent to me from my mother and then went right into the manager meeting where I had to get it thrown in my face AGAINNNN that I'm a fuckup who's doing nothing right, as if Saturday wasn't one of the most humiliating days of my life

I need to fucking scream. I need to fucking break things. But it's nearly 10 pm and I can't do Shit because if I throw shit in my apartment I'll scare my cats and I don't want to break my shit and I can't leave my apartment because it's fucking 10 pm and that's Dangerous but I need to release this energy somehow because I. Am. So. Fucking. Fed UP with life. It feels like no one sees how much I'm trying, it's always always always always my fuckups. Always always always. And meanwhile I've been slipping in a major way and I'm trying so hard to keep myself on track but I am

Needing to calm down. Before I start thinking drastic things.

I'm just so. Fucking. Frustrated.

I'm trying. Does anyone see that I'm trying? Can anyone fucking tell me they see I'm trying?

Of course not. We have to remind me that I'm a fuckup who's awful at their job. Of course :)

#speculation nation #negative/ #i feel like.im going to explode #Dont Mind Me i just had to get the words out #skimming over the letter thing with this one just bc i dont think i want to talk about that actually #i just really shouldn't have read that before the meeting. #but whatever. too late now. #i need to either curl up in a ball never to see the light of day again #or go on a screaming rampage to break Everything in my path and release all of the energy all at once. #maybe then id feel okay #but probably not. #im. just going to keep trying my best. but holy fucking shit i feel so severely under appreciated #i know i havent been doing my best in some areas but im trying to fix them #im taking the criticism into consideration and working hard to fix my behavior #and several of the things are largely me not knowing the exact perfect thing to do in the current transition #i got chewed out for so much on Saturday and one thing was the way i sent the list #which was how the prior manager had me do it. how the fuck was i supposed to know he wanted it differently? #i did it the way he wanted it today. working hard like the pathetic little dog i am. #arf arf look at me do my tricks. why arent you praising me? this is what you wanted isnt it? #oh we still have to talk about the things you already humiliated me for? no recognition for all the things ive been trying to do? #only ever the fuckups? only ever the fuckups! only ever the fucking fuckuos. #maybe itll get better. i hope itll get better. ill try my best to make it better. #but if it doesnt get better and it's always only my fuckups all the time always then why the fuck should i stay here #part of why ive stayed here for so long is the comfort of familiarity. but right now i dread going to work for more than just working. #i dread being exposed to this atmosphere. it feels like a place of comfort and familiarity has turned into a place of ridicule. #i already prostrated myself. i already took a ton of tip points away from myself for what were honest mistakes. #what more do you fucking Want from me? #shall i strip myself bare and flog myself to show im truly repentant? would that be enough? #of course not. it never is. #devalued and humiliated. i never want to step foot in that store again. but i need money. and so i shall go. i guess.

[johndonneswife]

someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck

#who is talking about this!!!! let me know #idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which #i was anticipating #and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before #but liiiiiike. #i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them #it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there #just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse #like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no #anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite #and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up #people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out #and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point #or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible #but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding #at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends #which i am so grateful for obviously #i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol #AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad #just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t #i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it #i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this #which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao #probably for the best #ugh whatever #again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know #meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone #AAAAAAAA i just want to scream #text

[aria0fgold]

Got distracted and I ended up working on my drawing But then I realized a major mistake on it when I thought I was done with the star veil (yes, again. I changed up the stars at the tips of it, this veil is kicking my ass) and I was erasing stuff already so when I realized I'm like: FUCK-- undo undo undo undo und o un do u n d o. And now I gotta... move All those new lil designs at the tip, Again, so I'm like: Okay... alright... I'll do that Later. I'll write now cuz god Forbid I do anything in that design, it's all mistakes!

#aria rants #that star veil has trapped ME in a time loop of perpetually fixing the thing cuz im never done with it like #this is the messiest drawing ive ever done simply by the Amount of mistakes i have on it and the entire process of it like #past aria wasnt lying about the notes she put for me when i was lazy to do the star veil DAYS AGO but she was only thinking #that: haha future me is gonna bead All those lines >:D well lil did she know is that future her aint gonna bead those lines #anymore but the veil is STILL KICKING MY ASS HARDER THAN WHEN I TRIED TO BEAD IT ALL #also the designs at the tip were supposed to just be stars. but then sirius' heart happened and i was like: i need to put morse code on it #and normally id rely on the circle ruler but i alrdy used circles for the Inner beads. i needed a different kind of circle for the tips #and then i managed to somehow??? freehand a perfectly shaped egg so ive just been duplicating layer and moving #that egg cuz aint no way i can redraw that again. the first was a fluke i didnt know was possible. and i also didnt wanna #redraw the lil dash beads i made via the ruler so ive just been keeping two layers with just one tiny drawing each #of an egg and a slanted rectangle and ngl duplicating and moving those things take up way More of my concentration #than when im just doing the lines over and over again cuz i had to keep track of which layer has which and minimize it #by merging the morse code line ive finished (like once im done for the morse code ''you'' id merge that all tgt) #so i can keep myself from exploding out of incredible confusion on which layer is which but Now i gotta redo ALL THAT #i gotta redo the other ''i love you'' morse code at the right end cuz i Forgot. to leave. a space. at the end. #like the left end has a space (star) before the egg for the first dot of ''i'' but i forgot to do that for the right end....... #theres no space (star) after the rectangle for the last part of ''u''....... i need to move All that-- maaaaaaaaaaannnn #writing it is. ill do writing for now. writing is the best. at least then i dont gotta MOVE EVERYTHING once i made a mistake--