#why am i so socially anxious all the time

[quietblissxx]

Help I'm actively dreading this dinner lmao

#me #why am i so socially anxious all the time

[why-the-heck-not]

a productive all-nighter starts by making a clear to do list & getting to work spending an hour or so searching for the music that hits the vibe just right

#it’s important #for the morale #but I found a new band I rly rly like so it wasn’t time wasted (best thing for morale) #tho they have only 4 songs so far so can’t fill the whole night with just that #but it can fill The Void so it's a start #(love finding bands that are like somewhat new instead of my usual ''omg I love this band'' 'only to find out they disbanded years ago) #(after deleting other social media apps I've been spending way too long times browsing Spotify but at least it's bringing me joy) #(except why THE FUCK are they trying to bring short-form content there also?? I refuse that's the worst way to find music) #also don't ask me why I'm doing an all-nighter ik I do these way too often it's great (sarcasm) #i'm dumb and been too anxious the past days so haven't done shit and now am in deep trouble #but luckily for me the anxiety turned today to the ''I'll never sleep so time goes by slower''-mode #instead the usual ''will have billion naps as a form of escapism'' which sucks ass #april 2024 #2024

[starpros-sunshine]

seb. seb hes not smiling. and has a fatui background................

I knowwwwww he's still everything to me you do not know how smitten I am with Lyney as a character

#he's soooo #i love it when the silly magicuan has a mysterious past and isn't actually allll that silly #I'm a little angry at the traveler for reacting the way they did at the end if the archon quest ngl #how is Lyney so different from Ajax please explain to me why you think him beingba fatuus is unacceptable but Ajax can get away with almost #commiting genocide #i mean ik it's kimd of about the withholding of information but come on. #they were nothing but nice to you the entire time cut them some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt will you #and god lyney in his voicelines is so. is flirty the right word he certainly is very very friendly good god man #Lyney and Lynette can do no wrong in my opinion I'd forgive them about anything #i don't mind the fatui that much tbh i mean yeah sure as an organisation they're. bad. to say the least #but if we look at the individual fatuus it's just kinda. okay. #Dottore sucks sure I like Tartaglia i really like him he's a very interesting personality Signora is dead she doesn't concern me anymore #and I don't know enough about the rest #Arlecchino looks very promising though I'm very intrigued by her #and so far Lyney and Lynette just seem like two people who got caught up in the organisation i don't have their vackgrounds unlocked yet #but!!!! i am intrigued Oh so very intrigued #Venti Kaeya and Diluc are my favourite genshin characters they have such a special place in my heart they mean so much to me #but Lyney is my favourite character in terms of I am normal about him Fontaine has SUCH a good cast #we have the girls of all time we have the silly magician and the socially anxious diver and then theres Manfred von Karma #if he was a genuinely nice man that had a solid moral compass and was actually devoted to the concept of justice #I like Neuvillette he also seems very interested i would Love to know more about his relationship with Furina #and Furina!!!!!! she's so silly I adore her being all confident and then if cuts to her inner monologue and she's just losing it #i love that #I really really like Fontaine so far the only grievance I have is that they should've put more accordion into the soundtrack but that's #irrelevant in the face of the osts just all being absolutely gorgeous #yumefan🌠🎼

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[soldier-poet-king]

Gender Schmender it is a Thursday morning I don't have TIME for this

#franposting #sorry not sorry for this one folks #im just like. why is this necessary. everything including me is a genderless void #maybe i am just tired of the essentialism. even the casual essentialism that seeps into my brain against my will #this one brought to u by me thinking. im like xyz blorbo but a girl #as a joke #and then realizing that every single one of my projections is a dude #and im like. hm. #does this say smthn abt me. abt the me i want to be. the me i see myself as #less in a physical way and more in a social way. like the societal niche i occupy #i would make a way better dude tbqh! this is not the first time ive thought that #just like. my whole everything! socially and personality #or better yet. just abolish it all. im a person and a void thats it #anyway most likely it just says smthn about the way characters in western media are written #which is fine. we're gonna go with that bc i cant afford existential breakdown #mostly im just. girl but made with boyfriend material. girl but slightly to the left. uncanny valley girl #or. best case. girl but in the way st michael is a boy. genderless but also not #i will simply choose to fill a male societal niche inasmuch as i can as myself #i am just. so tired! of being treated a certain way!! i dont like it!!!! it doesn't feel right or organic! #this makes no sense im sorry im tired and now anxious #i need a snack. a nap. a million dollars #maybe im just existentisllt greedy. i want it all. and feel limited by one. but would feel equally limited by another #cant commit because i want the transcendent wholeness of human incarnate experience #i really dk. i simply. choose not to think abt it #and live my weird gremlin life as is #not unhappy. just. a sense of displacement that i cant shake #hence. whatever is funniest in the moment is what ill go with #everything for the bit

[laughinglynx]

.

#wow look! a wild tag rant appears! #a bunch of Stuff has happened this last week and my brain has flipped the Lonely With A Capital L switch on #and I feel awkward foisting that on any of my friends so. tag rant it is! #I've spent most of my life (as in since kindergarten) approaching social situations as #'everyone else here will make friends and connections and I wont and I need to be okay with that' #every group situation. new classes. summer camps. afterschool activities. D&D groups. different jobs I've had #not in a pessimistic way just. realistic. it always happens. #and I get it! I am KEENLY aware of all the reasons someone wouldn't want to be friends with me #hell even I wouldn't want to be friends with me #I'm not going to list all of those reasons because #I am *constantly* terrified that my friends are going to figure those reasons out #I have four friends I regularly talk to (and a fifth who... idk that's a whole Thing). Four Really Good Friends #and most of the time I can push my anxiety into the background and just have fun with that #right now... not so much. #logically I know they probably aren't secretly exhausted by me #but I just can't make my brain realize that #and it's not even like they could do anything to help really #which is why I'm tag ranting instead of Talking to them because I just. #I'm just sad and anxious right now and my brain immediately dives straight into Lonely #and I don't want to dump that all on their virtual doorsteps #on the other hand isolating Does Not Help with the Loneliness but idk what to do #I'm bad at reaching out about this kind of thing and right now my anxiety is telling me that if I do #they'll clue in to how annoying I can be and stop talking to me

[sodrippy]

one of the funniest things to ever happen to me is when i saw a therapist for the first time ever and i was so so annoyed that she spent all our sessions focusing on my anxiety disorder when to me the most pressing concern was my depression, only to later realize that i am like. SEVERELY anxious all the fucking time and actually maybe professionals know what the hell theyre talking about<3

#its just so so funny to me like i viscerally remember being so dismissive and annoyed about it #i really didnt ever realize how anxious i am all the time i thought 40% of my physical symptoms were personality traits #i was like im only SOCIALLY anxious this is bull why wont she help w the other stuff #babygirl the other stuff is nothing relax #in other news my dads response to me telling him my doctor suggested i get medication for my insulin resistance was. #just exercise more. #ok girl its not WORKING though thats WHY she suggested this? hello? #i get it but its the fact that he exercises heaps and is otherwise fit but he fucking. has the same genetics as me AND IS ON THE SAME MEDS #like. practice what you preach leave me alone

[astrxealis]

40 mil is the highest points i've had for gw ever tbh so i am proud of myself so far <3 also !! almost rank 175 >;D

anyways hi just small update/rambles uhm. i've been more productive w school but also school ew !!! and 6.3 is so fucking soon holy shit i am not ready at all & i hope this week i can finally start omori and/or p4g <33

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #still obsessed w p5. ALSO mcr music is so slay AND uh yeah that's mostly it. rlly obsessed w buncha kinds of rock music rn #i looooove rock <3 rock and orchestra are my favorite genres (i'm kinda into all kinds of music tho fr!) hehe <33 #i love my fire team now tbh. like. nemone & athena together is perfect imo and i'm glad i realized that a long time ago already #but woa me w having both michael and percival is absolutely amazing hehe #arghhhhhhh ... i wna play nier vv badly but i need to wait for lune yeah ? but anyways in reincarnation i have all the automata characters #which i'm vv glad about >;)) 9s refused to come home months ago but now he has and heheheheh i love him #tbh it's so hard to manage my time now bcs on saturdays i'm busy and then sundays should be my rest but we often go out as rest ?? #and i like it but also my gaming time and writing time and whatever time is lowkey a big Rest In Peace <//3 #I LOV MY FRIENDS but i haven't properly talked to. quite literally ANYONE for a bit now i'm so sorry #unless they approach me first somewhere that isnt social media of any sort or i've seen them irl bcs of school or yk my family or class #ive fixed my sched quite a lot but also there's still a lot to improve !! by the end of january i hope that i'm happy w my sched then <3 #okay small update OVER !! today was a pretty good day so far tbh uh. like bad shit happened but strangely i'm all okay !! <33 #like uhh ive been a bit more active in class and actually reciting more! i am usually vv shy and only just comment my answers if ever #BUT YEAH !!! and there was smth that was supposed to happen and my class forgot so i reminded them. and we're like 30 in class #okay rambles OVER !! im anxious still to open my notifs sorry i cant explain why bcs idk how but yeah. uh. if you want to contact me #for anything IDK HOW YOU SHOULD TBH. SORRY. but yeah !!! probably ask for my sideblog for mutuals ?? #but tbh i havent checked that in a bit too and just ramble sometimes. SORRY......

[clericlost]

lately i’ve been feeling so much like. cheering clapping applause to be here with y’all but all the enthusiasm is stuck in a snowglobe that i can’t figure out how to break cause it’s made of fear pain agony because social anxiety every time i log on :/

#out. #negative // #it sucks to experience but honestly it sucks more than like. i know people are here to have fun and often write better when #they can actually get along w their writing partner? #and i hate that this Thing is just in the way of me and everyone else but idk how to get rid of it #it's just Paralyzing like i just get stuck and it feels impossible to shake myself out of it #and then i feel anxious about THAT lmao so. wondering if i need to just throw the towel in instead of doing this to my partners jdskfs #like i logically know it's not That big of a deal but i also know it can feel so discouraging to be excited abt smth and not feel it back #but it's not even the feeling it back that's the issue! it's just talking w people idk why my brain just flatlines over it but it's so bad #lately. when i'm in a good headspace i'm the exact same way and LOVE when i can iron down my interactions to ppl i just Enjoy being around #but when i'm in a bad headspace it's so hard to do anything other that hide in ic replies indefinteily #even with people i'm so so comfortable with cause it is very much a state of being that stems from Me not anyone else #idk. i just feel shitty for ghosting but then i feel too shitty to fix it :/ #wish i could psychically link w all of you so u could know how happy i am to write with you #idk why it's so hard to translate ooc one on one #idk why it's like there's an actual physical wall in my brain stopping me most of the time #social anxiety fucking sucks i guess lol #yeah....... killing it w my mind #i know it's probably just made worse by my recent caffiene addiction but it'll probably be a while before i can kick that shit so #idk if i should quit while i'm barely ahead or just. try to be okay with ic replies #but i Hate that cause it feels like such bad rp etiquette like. i don't wanna rp like that lol #but idk how else to while i'm like this :/ #which probably means i should take a break!! but i selfishly don't wanna lose more writing partners than i already have but then #i guess either way i might lose some people but at least if i took a break it'd feel like less shitty of a reason #ugh...... #too much to think about on a sunday afternoon

[soggypotatoes]

i am. Unwell

all of yesterday and today, just extremely depressed, can’t stop hiding in my room.. i can’t deal with the thought of having to talk to people so i’m not leaving. the dietitian and the nurses are checking on me regularly like ‘go sit in the courtyard!!’ no.. there’s people in there.. you don’t understand, today at lunch someone said ‘hey edwina come sit here!’ and i stared at them and went and sat at the other end of the dining hall and then i overheard her talking to someone about rejection issues

like.. it’s fine, ok, i’m in a psychiatric hospital, she smiled at me earlier so i know i haven’t really upset anyone. i’m here to be depressed. but i can’t cope with that lol

#told the dietitian i'm too anxious about being around people to eat #and she said she'd speak to the kitchen abt getting a portion set aside for me #so i can go to dinner an hour later than everyone else #i knowww i know sitting inside this room is poisoning me #but i cant go out there ill die #ive already spent all day sitting in bed quietly panicking abt the fact that the psychiatrist will come talk to me at some point #idk what im supposed to say to him #no im not getting better.. been here over a week and i have gotten significantly worse #it's not the hospital; i'd be getting worse outside it too #i feel very hopeless #im not sure i am gonna get better #gonna come out of here in 3 weeks and everythings gonna be the same #so why bother forcing myself out into the courtyard #ed mumbles #and i just dont rly know what to do with my time honestly #i cant focus on books or games #even social media is not holding my attention #so im just rapidly switching between things for hours #dont have the energy to journal or make anything #i dont know what to DO

[palestinalibre]

.

#why am i so awkward to talk through texts and socials to my irls #friends that ive known for years. with whom i spend hours talking in person #but when it comes to texting i get all nervous. anxious and self conscious #as if i was a 15 yo with a crush #overthinking every single message and timing #why am i like this

[mrfoox]

Me: I want to spend more time with people, I miss close contact with others :(

Also me: -only wants to spend time with 4 ppl irl, none of which live close by or have the ability to come by-

#miranda talking shit #My autistic mind do many intresting things for me. Some of which is fun but tge fact im so selective witb people is annoying #Like i feel annoying. I just want to be with those people but i cant so my brain is like 'well then i dont want to :( why am i lonely?' #I have more than one friend in my city i could spend time with but they... Arent one of the 4 golden chosen people so i ): #I dony hate them or anything they are nice but my obsessive minf just want to be with 4 ppl majority of the time #Bc they are the 4 people who take little energy from me or even give me energy socially #Everyone else i feel take more than give. Not their fault just how im built and how comfortable i am around others #Im so obsessive over fabian bc hes one of the very few i can talk with for maby hours. Without me noticing #I understand im annoying him and probably being a bother since i always want to talk to him but hes obe of the select few #Few times he actually take energy from me is when im already in a bad mental state and then everyone tire me . Otherwise he just doesnt #Tire me. Think its bc ive learned i dont HAVE to be fun and entertain him. We can just sit and do our own thing whule on discord #Silence is good with him . I like silence in general but always am anxious others hate it or find it awkward. But he have expressed #He likes silence and reassured me he doesnt need me to talk or fill silence. I hate how weirdly obsessive i am and get especially towards #People. No one wants that kind of attention from me and i try to not be Extra ™ but also like.... Its a nice feeling? #I like loving people. And talking to those people... I just dont ever know when im too much. Bc in the moment its #So hard to monitor... Where the 'normal' social lines are drawn. And it goes double when its people i already know and thus love #Then my brain is just '!!!! Omg i love them :)!!!!' and i dont think as much about how i... Appear and act #Would love to find someone who would actually like the type of attention I give and not to feel i am too much all the time... #Mirandas friends

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

#autism acceptance day #actually autistic

[wonijinjin]

in sickness and in health

author’s note: please take care of yourselves everyone! being sick is not fun. dedicating this to my dear @babyleostuff <3

synopsis: when you get food poisoning cheol is ready to sacrifice his night to take care of you.

word count: 1.0k | genre: fluff, comfort | pairing: cheol x gn! reader | warnings: mentions of throwing up, being sick, fever, exhaustion, bad mental health

it was around 12am when you realised something was wrong; you never really got sick, but you could feel it coming before it even happened; head pounding and shivers crawling up and down your spine, making you anxious. after a bit of panicking about why you felt this bad you calmed yourself down and went back to scrolling through social media on your phone, scared of waking and troubling the man next to you. seungcheol was already asleep by that time, being extremely tired from working since 3am, having been to several music show recordings and dance practices. you found him so peaceful as he slept and you were so glad to see him rest after many days of hard work. however as the minutes went by while looking at your phone you could sense an increasing nauseating feeling in your stomach, not being able to focus on the blogpost you were reading anymore, being too occupied with trying to make it stop and squirming under the blankets of your cozy king sized bed to make it more bearable. as if on cue to the peak of your struggles cheol stirred in his sleep next to your helpessly thrashing form, turning to you, his sleepy frame trying to process the cause of your distress. “what’s wrong, my love?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. “don’t worry, nothing. go back to sleep.” you tried to sound as convincing as you could. he didn’t buy it. “love, i know something is up. tell me, please?” he begged, more alert when he saw how your protests were interrupted by a weak sob. “i think i am gonna throw up cheol.” you mumbled with a terrified look on your face, trying to stay perfectly still so your upset stomach could get some relief. seungcheol first thought that you were trying to pull a prank on him since you never got sick, but when he looked at your features closer he realised how pale you looked, and how sweat was glistening on your skin. “you sure? like right now?” he sat up in no time as the question left his mouth, ready to take you to the bathroom to let out whatever was making you feel so miserable. you didn’t have time to answer him whatsoever as you bolted towards the mentioned room, getting to the toilet just in time for the agonising pain and suffering of the next few hours to begin. in your hurry you had a hopeless attempt to lock the door in order to shut cheol out; you hated if he saw you in any other state than your most perfect one, if he saw your imperfections, how you felt unwell sometimes or how you struggled with life from time to time. he always scolded you for thinking this way, but you couldn’t stop it; you wanted to be his strong partner, someone who he could rely on whenever he needed to. “i am coming in.” you heard him say and suddenly you felt a warm hand on your back and another one taking your hair out of your sweaty face, snapping you out of your feverish daze. “i am here, you are okay, love. breathe for me please. that’s it, good. let it all out. don’t worry i am here.” you could hear cheol’s voice through your eardums, blood pumping in your veins with much more speed than ever. seungcheol held you close to him as you spat in the bowl one last time, making sure you were really done before placing you on his lap, your knees no longer hitting the cold tiles of the bathroom, only feeling his warmth surrounding you. “my poor baby.” his voice was low and hurt while he kissed your forehead, frowning upon sensing how your skin burned under his touch. “you are burning up. you definitely have a fever my dear.“ he announced, but you could barely register his voice and words; you were utterly drained, barely able to keep your head up straight.

cheol of course took note of this, gently guiding you to lean into him even more while he got comfortable on the floor, cradling you into his chest. “i know you don’t feel good my love. do you know how did this happen?” he wondered with concern laced in his words. you slightly shifted in his arms, looking up at him. “i think i might have food poisoning, cheol.” he cooed at you, kissing the top of your head, rocking you from side to side as you whimpered in pain. “it’s okay love. it will be over soon i promise.” he chanted softly in an attempt to calm you down as exhaustion took over you, the high temperature making you shake with chills no matter how close seungcheol kept your body to his. “love, you with me?” he questioned after a few minutes of silence, but didn’t get a reply; you fell asleep fast, totally knocked out from the sudden wave of late night sickness. he was relieved to see that your immune system was trying to get that much needed sleep to heal, although he was concerned about the effects of not taking medication before your slumber; he didn’t have the heart to wake you so he let you rest anyways.

he never stopped holding you through the night, not even when he moved you to the bedroom and got a cold towel to put on your head, moving a trash can beside your bed just in case, or when he stayed up all night to watch over your distressed form, wishing that you would get better by the morning, kissing your cheek from time to time to let you know that he was there, that he was gonna take care of you no matter what.

#wonijinjin #caratsland #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt imagines #seventeen #seventeen fluff #fluff #seventeen seungcheol #svt scoups #seventeen scoups #scoups #seungcheol fluff #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol scenarios #seungcheol fanfic #svt choi seungcheol #choi seungcheol #seungcheol x you #seungcheol

[beetleevil]

.

#FFFF #i wish i could go to school idk why it's so hard at this point #i miss it but i'm glad ive been able to unequate being productive to self worth for like 40% of the time #that 40% has been really nice #having fun but being extremely anxious for all of it is interesting #social anxiety is a bitch #and also overthinking #they're hand in hand idk what i'm saying #breh the problem w journaling is that it's psychical and people can find it #EG MY 8 YEAR OLD AND 5 YEAR OLD COUSIN #so fucking. #funny in retrospect but AUGH #it's so funny bc i used to be so concerned abt pesticides and whatnot in carts and now i'm smoking cigarettes #like fuck it we ball #i don't even remember what i was going to vent about #i'm just rambling at this point but ig it makes sense bc i haven't felt like myself talking to people for a while #oh yeah who tf am i #that's what i was going to vent abt #my ass needs to just be #next fucking tattoo idea #i want tattoo so bad but no supplies and no money i keep spending it on food 😭😭😭 #i was supposed to pierce carlos' ears but idk if he'd let me do it now #he doesn't rlly click with me anymore #it's weird simultaneously feeling nothing like myself and more like myself than i ever have before

[stayathome-ts]

Hmm not sure whether I’m picking up a small new role or if this is just a general thing but either way I should probably keep an eye on this.

#Basically just driving anxiety - stuff like “okay but *can* I go now?” “*is* it really clear or are there invisible cars?” #<- that last one is an actual thought I had today while driving. So not intense stuff but vaguely irrational stuff #but the thing is I’m the one who drives most of the time so I don’t know if this is a me thing or if it’s a system-wide thing #I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a me thing because I often get handed other sorts of anxiety as well #which is super ironic as a social protector who’s supposed to be immune to that sort of thing in certain ways #and if so then it’s like Ah fuck…. Here we go again I guess #more parallels again #and again if that is the case at least I know how to deal with it but *ugh*. Man. That’s a potential pain in the ass to be handed #I thought I was done but I’m not. It’s not so much “I am anxious” as it is “I am being handed systemwide anxiety to deal with” #and I know this because when I think of *myself* driving it’s fine. Like come on I’ve been driving for a little over 30 years from my pov. #It’s fine. But then I actually start driving here and it’s all different which is why I think this is definitely just a result of the brain #not having that experience. Very… I don’t know. Distinctly teenager-y worries I’m being handed here #anyway I’ve been talking for a while here I’m gonna end here