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honimello · 6 months

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all papas general headcanons

basically just headcanons i have about their past, childhood, and personalities! and some other stuff like physical description and personal experiences.

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a/n: these honestly probably might not fit the canon like at all or what some of you might head canon but that’s okay cus i’m just letting my brainrot fester at this point. i left their relationships open ended so there would be imagination room for like an x reader thing lol. also i picked their birth dates based on vibes alone and i know very little about the zodiac signs i just thought it would be fun lol

warnings: angst, vaguely implied abuse, poor childhoods, character death, mentions of sex and sexual orientations, (nihil fucking sucks and sister imperator kinda does too), (also all papas are alive), vague mention of eating issues, mentions of wanting children, mentions of marriage, one nsfw bullet point for each so 18+ MDNI!! also not proofread

primo: 68, born september 14th, 1955 virgo

5’10, around 140ish pounds, blonde with shaved hair, but used to have long hair that he would braid and came down to below his lower back. speaking of his back, he has a hard time standing up straight now so he appears shorter than he is.

his mother was a random woman from a bar, nihil only found out about her pregnancy until she was 7 months pregnant. sister imperator was rightfully very angry finding out about this, but she had her suspicions of his promiscuity. she often took out her anger on primo, especially when he became papa and she gave him more work than he probably should’ve been doing. although, she did slightly lessen up on him around the time when he had taken in copia.

he’s actually quite sad he never really got to meet his mother, but he didn’t have much time to think about it once his brothers started coming along. he stepped up more often than not in taking care of them, he was more of a father (and a mother honestly) than nihil would ever be. and sister never really had any interest in interacting with him or his brothers, except for copia.

speaking of copia, primo found out about him when copia was around 11-12 and he took him in quite fast. it only took one look at that little boy for primo to know it was his brother. when he was younger he used to get a little jealous that sister imperator was so invested in copia’s wellbeing and upbringing given that she had never been a mother to him or his other brothers but primo eventually just found himself feeling grateful copia had a mother, even if she wasn’t a very good one.

when primo became papa he got rid of the prime mover position, seeing how it destroyed sister and nihils marriage as well as his brothers childhoods made him incredibly angry. he also didn’t care for the connotation that women are made to have children and carry on the bloodline only. he’s a romantic (and a feminist), and that notion always made him nauseous.

secondo visits primo the most out of all his brothers, copia often visits too but doesn’t have much time. terzo only really visits when he is having some sort of emotional or personal dilemma that he cant figure out on his own. primo doesn’t mind, he’s willing to help his brothers and see them whenever he can. though in his old age he does get quite lonely and wishes they could make more time for him, but he doesn’t hold it against them.

primo finds himself wanting children now that he’s older, even if he might not be able to bare his own anymore he often entertains the idea of adopting one of the orphans at the ministry. he wishes he had someone by his side as well, and while his random sexual encounters with few siblings are enjoyable, he longs for a more steady companionship.

it’s harder for him to get erections now but still enjoys having sex, even if he doesn’t always come. is very good at oral and fingering and definitely loves to spoil his partner. will probably cry happy tears if someone sucked him off even if he couldn’t get hard all the way, he still enjoys it. can still fuck hard but will probably be very sore afterwards. pls give the old guy a nice warm bath after and maybe a kiss on his wittle head.

secondo: 57, born august 18th, 1966 leo

6’2, around 180ish pounds, brunette but has shaved his head since he was 20, huge resting bitchface even when he was a baby, muscular but has put on some pudge since becoming papa.

his mother was the first prime mover in around 100 years, she was a sibling of sin who nihil had a passing attraction towards and decided to torture sister imperator by naming her prime mover. she died giving birth to secondo. secondo blames himself, and tends to despise himself because of this.

in his teenage years he often spent sleepless nights crying for her, how much he wished he could’ve met her or at least seen her as there were no pictures of her. he wondered if she would love him, be proud of him, or fight to be his mother like terzo’s mother did. or if she would leave and never come back like primo’s. now, in his older age he has come to reconcile with the fact that he will never know. but even though he never got to know her, he still misses her dearly.

after secondo loses his papacy, he throws himself into ministry work. he works long hours, well into the night and spilling over into the weekends. he’s an archivist and restoration expert, working on artifacts important to the church. he feels like this is the only way he will not go insane. he loves terzo but he does not believe him to be ready or fit to be papa when it comes terzo’s time. and he is partially right, as terzo definitely lets the power go to his head but over time he becomes more in control. secondo finds himself feeling sorry for his little brother when terzo loses his papacy, it was wrong of sister imperator to take it away from him like that and secondo hates to see what losing the limelight has done to his brother.

secondo is known around the ministry for his intimidating visage and aura, as well as his wrath. but what people don’t pay attention to, is just how often he bites his words. he has worked very hard to keep his anger at bay, even going to therapy to find more healthy ways to cope with his trauma and rage. in fact, he does his best to be polite and kind to everyone in the ministry. but his kind is different than others kind, he comes off as cold and calculating. his emotional range is very limited and he finds himself struggling to open up to anyone. the only person he’s ever opened up to was primo, and even then it isn’t really opening up if his brother can just read him like a book. secondo often doesn’t have to say much for primo to understand what he’s going through. primo helps him through it regardless, as he’s always done since secondo was a baby.

secondo isn’t sure if he would want kids of his own, but he does love children very much and is very good with them. he often volunteers to run events for the orphans at the ministry.

he would like to fall in love but thinks he is much too old and not nearly attractive enough to find a long term partner. has flings here and there with some siblings of sin but they aren’t very serious. he isn’t sure if he’s really quite ready to give up the party life yet no matter how much his aching bones say otherwise.

does frequent bars and clubs to feel like he’s still a part of the scene after losing papacy, but it doesn’t quite feel the same and most nights he leaves drunk, angry and alone. the few nights when he finds company are not as fulfilling as he hopes they would be, and it isn’t the other persons fault it’s his. he feels so melancholy now it’s hard to focus on simple pleasures like sex, especially when he hardly has the time with how hard he works. he often lays away most nights wishing he could’ve done better as papa, even though he knows people love him and respect him he still feels like he never quite did enough. he feels like he isn’t enough.

loves sex, and can get quite rough but is very, very good at aftercare. definitely not picky about sexual partners but tends to prefer people who are shy cus he enjoys bringing them out of their shells and getting them to snap at him. secretly wants to be fucked and dominated.

terzo: 54, born june 12th, 1969 gemini

5’3, around 120ish pounds, black hair like nihil and wishes he looked more like his mother who was a redhead, definitely spot treats grey hairs, hates the idea of getting old and is very insecure about having wrinkles, is quite small but still a little chubby, though he lost lots of weight since losing papacy. might be bigender or genderfluid but is afraid to really think about it too hard.

his mother was also a prime mover, but she fought to be in his life even as sister imperator tried to push her out. she was a very loving mother who did everything she could to teach him to be a good man, to be nothing like his father who she had come to despise. she taught him many things, she taught him how to dance, to draw and to cook. he loved her very, very much and it tore him up when she passed. he was 14 years old, and that’s when he decided to put up a façade. he did not want to be vulnerable anymore, he didn’t want to have to be sad or scared at least not where anyone could see him.

primo often held him in his bed when he would cry about losing his mother, he had nightmares for years. he vowed to himself to not let himself ever be so vulnerable in front of any one again. to this day thinking about her kills him little by little, though he is much better at expressing his feelings.

his flirtatious and playful persona is something he really relies on in his older age, he thinks it’s all he’s really good for anymore. a show and a good lay. and when he loses his papacy he absolutely crumbles. the persona completely falls away and he hides himself in his quarters most days. he loses weight and wallows, he becomes enraged by fate but he finds he could never really be mad at copia for taking over, it’s not his fault anyways.

in his teenage years he was quite promiscuous and took on many lovers, and while he still has casual flings with some siblings of sin, he never lets partners overlap anymore. he’s a gentle soul at heart and he learned that very fast, he can’t stand seeing someone upset, even if he’s only attracted to them in a more primal way it would kill him to see someone upset because of him.

i believe he is very loyal and if he were to get into a relationship with someone, even if they didn’t state that they were exclusive, he would still ere on the side of caution and not have sex with anyone else. i think if he were in love he would be hopelessly devoted, he’s more sensitive than he tends to let on and cheating is not something he would let himself do. maybe when he was young, he might’ve slipped up somehow, but not now. he’s much too intelligent and much too mature, he’s grown and he knows how to control himself now.

and while he does have quite a lot of sex, i think the sheer abundance of partners has been greatly exaggerated through false rumors and gossip. people tend to lie about having slept with him just for the five seconds of fame it brings them, and that often causes problems with people thinking he has cheated on many people.

is terrified of marriage but longs for it desperately, he wants to feel like someone wants him for him and not because he is/was papa. he’s not sure if he wants kids, he’s horribly afraid of being a bad father.

is horrified of being like nihil in any way, and nearly throws up when someone mentions that he has the most resemblance to nihil out of all his brothers.

is a huge giver sexually, could literally come from just watching someone else come. loves to overstimulate and go above and beyond. doesn’t really require someone to reciprocate and take care of him as well but it is deeply appreciated as he can also be quite the pillow princess.

copia: 52, born october 15th, 1971 libra

5’8, around 130ish pounds, light brunette hair that is going grey at the sides, is very petite but with a softness to him especially around his belly, hips, and thighs, he has light freckles all over his body,

he was an accident, sister imperator never meant to get pregnant but she had planned to tell nihil about the baby until she had caught him with yet another sibling of sin. she decided it would be better for copia to grow up as an orphan in the church, and to be raised by her secretly. copia didn’t even find out she was his mother til primo had found him and taken him in at age 11. sister often pushes copia to work harder, her hopes for him to become papa one day slowly begin to become his hopes as well. and it’s hard for him to say if he really wants the papacy or if he just wants her to be proud of him.

he grew up very lonely and outcast, the other orphans in the ministry thought him strange and unappealing. he had been told from a young age that he was ugly and weird. now that he’s older, he’s since found out that he’s autistic, but he knows that’s not the entire reason they didn’t like him. he thinks maybe he really is just strange and ugly. and as a young boy, when he’d found a rat scavenging for food outside of the ministry, he thought to himself he’d finally found a friend who was like him. unloveable and unwanted. misunderstood.

growing up he never understood the importance put on sex and romance, it isn’t until he’s older that he realizes that he’s demisexual and demiromantic, but it doesn’t really phase him. he never really cared about those things, he doesn’t care that he’s old now and hasn’t had sex, it’s not something he would want unless he really loved someone and had a deeper connection to than just passing lust. although, at night he often dreams of meeting someone he could have a connection with, and those nights are the only ones he really partakes in lust alone in his bed. dreaming of something that could be, but in his mind, is more likely to be just a dream.

when he becomes papa he is terrified, not only of the immense pressure on him to be the best he can be and do good for the church but also of losing himself. yes, he loves the new attention this is giving him and yes, he loves feeling important now. but something just doesn’t sit right in his stomach. again, he’s not sure if he really wanted to be papa anyway or if he just wanted to complete a goal that was thrust upon him at a young age. he tries not to let his papacy change him, and for the most part all it really changes is it brings him out of his shell a little more. he begins talking to more siblings and higher clergy members, but like always, he ends up lonely. they’re never quite interested in copia and more interested in papa, and he doesn’t understand because to him they are one in the same.

his stage presence is very different to his real presence, he likes to let out his “wild side”, as he calls it, when he’s on stage. he feels more comfortable, more free to be sexual and flirty, as well as quite commanding, when he is in front of the crowd. mostly because he knows they like him, that they’re there to see him. it gives him quite the confidence boost, in his performance and his personal life. he doesn’t get quite as depressed as often as he did as cardinal but now his depression holds much harder topics to grasp. things like his identity and where he belongs in the grand scheme of things, and if he will turn bitter like terzo when he eventually is traded in for a newer papa. he hopes not, but envy was a sin that often came easily to him.

is terrified of aging in a similar way to terzo, he feels like he is already very ugly and now that he is getting older he feels like he is becoming even more unattractive. he tends to avoid mirrors as much as possible because his reflection nauseates him, he hates his face and his body with a burning passion.

he does not indulge in the willingness of siblings like his brothers do, while his stage presence may suggest he is a sexual person (which he is honestly) he hasn’t felt any sexual attraction to any sibling of sin so far. most of which only really approach him because he is papa, and while he has no problem with guiding and helping his flock, he does have a problem with it when they ask for him to fuck them. it’s not something he wants.

is also the only papa to not participate in sexual rituals and black masses, though he does oversee them and encourage siblings of sin to participate if comfortable. he celebrates others choice to lust but doesn’t feel tempted to lust for anyone else.

when he is in a relationship with someone, and he does feel sexually attracted to them, he is incredibly eager. he has done his research i can assure you, countless videos and articles on sex and hours of “research” watching porn of the porniest variety. he gets quite horny, and before his partner he masturbated quite often, he isn’t innocent by any means. he is a virgin and is quite awkward, tends to fumble and trip over himself a lot but he isn’t subtle about wanting someone when he does want them. definitely a switch, pls someone peg this guy.

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hope you liked these!! and if u have any questions or just wanna indulge me in conversation, i would love to talk more in depth about these headcanons!!!

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rosellemoon · 3 days

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I know I'm supposed to be taking a break, but I just wanted everyone to know that Rafal started trolling me as a northern flicker. Every morning this literal shit bird pecks away at my chimney cap, sounding like a machine gun, so now I have to hire someone to install bird spikes (which don't harm birds, only deter them from landing) on it.

#the school for good and evil #rise of the school for good and evil #rafal mistral #roselle rambles #i'm trying to make this sound more funny than angry #the bird is technically trying to find a mate #and metal (specifically tin) is louder than wood #it's not malicious just uhh you know #but that would probably be rafal either way #he wouldn't know what to do when he's in the mood so he makes it everyone else's problem #yes i am mean to him. 100+ year old virgin without internet #come at me bird man

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willowser · 10 months

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arranged marriage + the missus and the ex w izuku😏😏😏😏(def not calling back to that one snippet you wrote about this😜😜😜😜😜)

OOOOOOH THIS ONE SOUNDS ROUGH OKAY. whenever i think arranged marriage, i think fantasy au okay ? OKAY ? I'M SORRY BUT WE'RE DOING IT !!!

izuku has been king yagi's ward for as long as you can remember. a small, freckle-faced boy that sat down the table from you, that ate the vegetables you didn't want, that played tag with you in the royal gardens and put flowers in your hair.

you taught him how to dance with his two left feet, and you watched him train his body beyond its limits. where he once had to look up at you, just a little, it seemed as if he hit a growth spurt overnight, while you were both in your teens, and then his shoulders broadened and his thighs thickened. izuku became a wall of muscle, his round face thinning a bit throughout the years — though his eyes never dimmed, and his smile never lost its gentle shine.

he is the first boy you love. the first boy that kisses you behind the stables, even though you both know he shouldn't. he is the first boy to untie the ribbons of your dress, wide hands scarred and shaking, the first boy you allow in your bed despite the risks.

you're young and you believe in happy-endings, true love, and you think if you tell the king, your father, of your heart's desires, that he will listen. that he will see the truth in the way izuku looks at you, that boyish redness to his face when you smile at him.

but then the barbarians come.

where izuku is solid and strong, bakugou katsuki is tall and cut from stone. the same weight does not lie in his fists, but he is faster, smarter in the heat of battle, born and bred for it.

aizawa, your father’s advisor, tells you that men like him learn to hold knives before they learn to walk. how to draw blood before they speak their first words. izuku has trained his entire life, but — you think of his hand in your own, soft and gentle.

you marry bakugou katsuki for the safety of your country, in the middle of the night, surrounded by the blazing fires of his encampment. you drink wine made from blood-red grapes and eat meat from an animal you never have before. he doesn't kiss you because they don't do that; instead he cuts his finger and paints a shape on your forehead and cheeks with his own blood.

izuku isn't there.

the marriage is consummated because there's no way around it. bakugou isn't shy about his body, or yours, and he touches you like he's certain. he doesn't hold you like izuku does, and instead you are put to your knees with your cheek against the furs that he sleeps on. it's nothing so brutal as you might have expected, but — it's not izuku either.

(truthfully, you're not sure how you feel about it — him — though you could never admit such a thing out loud, have a hard enough time admitting it to yourself. your cheeks heat at the thought of izuku's fingers brushing over them, his mouth gently pressed against your own, hiding his little gasps in the soft skin of your throat.

— but there is something satisfying, in a dark, primal way, about the warm hand bakugou keeps on your waist, how he tangles his fingers in the hair at your nape to make you look up at him, the mark he bites into your shoulder.

making him grin, with all his sharp teeth and scrunched nose, feels like an accomplishment. leaves you with a warm, special glow. it feels earned and not simply given, and as someone that has been waited on hand foot all their life — that affects you in ways you could have never expected.)

izuku visits as often as he can; as often as your father will allow, for as long as your husband will allow. you typically spend time outside the encampment, just beyond the hill under the cottonwood trees, talking close and laughing low. sometimes, as the sun sets, you'll find your hand in his.

"i hope i'm able to return for it," you tell him, in response to his excitement over being knighted, finally. "masaru says we're to return to their homeland before winter meets the seas."

izuku doesn't say anything, only smiles sadly, forced, as if you couldn't read the pain on his face from miles away. he nods once before looking out over the valley where the encampment has been set up, thinking wistfully. the wind ruffles through his gentle curls and he smells like home, like warm bread and your clean sheets. the sort of things you thought you couldn't live without.

and yet—

"oi," bakugou appears then, face pinched and drawn, scowl deepening as you pull your hand from izuku's. he scoffs once to himself and then turns, quietly commanding you, "come."

you know better than to allow the already thick tension between them grow; one word from izuku can set your husband off, and so you try to smile at him reassuringly, squeezing his hand once more as you bid him goodnight. he dares to fiddle with your hair, wide eyes memorizing your face before letting you go.

it's a surprise that you find bakugou waiting at the edge of the hill as he, too, looks out over his encampment. he always scowls at your dress because it slows you down, usually keeps you a few feet behind him, but he's still, quiet.

when you approach him, he says nothing. doesn't look at you either, simply frowns in the light of the moon, the softness it adds to his face. you watch him silently, waiting for him to continue on back to your shared tent, but — he looks down at his side, before offering his palm, wide and flat.

you take it after a moment, after realizing what it is he's asking, and you can't help but to smile at him softly, as he looks at you. memorizing your face. hand soft and gentle in your own.

✨️ trope game 🩷

#listen. i am a bakugou girly through and through. i'm sorry akfhriqklal #it's always gonna be him !!!! 🥺🥺 it's always gonna be him !!!!!!!#writing all this bakugou who isn't a blushing bumbling virgin ??? who even am i ????#he sees the soft way you are with izuku 🥺🥺🥺#and he's like BUT WHY NOT FOR MEEEEEEE #waaaahhhj #i could......write more of this LOL #also yes still working through these he he #✿ willow writes #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou

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mamapup · 6 months

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corruption kink is going wild today 😔

#do i want to take a submissive's virginity by being extra sweet n extra gentle w them?#yes absolutely #am i able to do that?#no i am not #mamas.speaking

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beinggayisreallyexpensive · 4 months

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In my Jeanne d'Arc era

#YES I am having ergot induced hallucinations #YES I am commanded by God to cross-dress #NO I am not a virgin!

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heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon · 3 months

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I wasn't about to say anything to this annoying little bitch because they're 18 but when I tell you that aro/aces in this fandom are literally trying to police people for merely being attracted to Alastor now like??? This is why I'll keep on saying that some of you (aro/aces) are insufferable as shit and need to shut the fuck up?

Or how 'bout

Or how 'bout if Alastor respected Vaggie and hadn't sexually harassed her by way of chin tickling and arse slapping, I wouldn't in turn look at him disrespectfully and want to give him a taste of his own touchy feely medicine?

How 'bout fans can do and feel whatever they want about Alastor cause he's not real and how 'bout everyone should stop treating fictional characters like they're real when they're not real? Including goddamn fucking Valentino...

How 'bout another reminder to stop clogging the actual queer and ace tags on tumblr that real ace people might be using to find real community and resources, with posts about a goddamn fucking ~"tumblr sexy man"~ fictional serial killer cannibal because I'm sure that real aspec people trying to look for real resources in real life are sick of all the goddamn fucking fiction by now???

How 'bout "You can write about a characters sexuality/fucking/getting fucked, but you're not allowed to explore or acknowledge any sexual attraction to them while you're writing about them being sexual and having sex, which would inherently require taking sexual attraction into consideration in order to even do that, but you're not allowed to, because that's disrespectful!" is officially the most bullshit moronic take I've ever heard...

#Hazbin Hotel #hazbin hypocritical #Alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #the radio demon #ace discourse #This fandom .... is... officially forever changing the way I'll look at and interact with asexual people I think for rest of my life and #I'm not even sorry about it because y'all brought it on yourselves by being this obnoxious...#Like y'all are literally such squares and you probably *do* look up to Patrick Bateman or something and that just scares me ... .#It started with the whole 'calling people Honey and virgin shaming makes you aphobic!' nonsense with #ornithia #and #petitprincess1 #(mentioned)#Like... you don't wanna be called petnames or be touched and then use outdated gifs from a blatantly transphobic Jim Carrey movie to expres #that to me and then go on to harass two trans men and try to disprove their racial backgrounds you can do that!#But yes I am going to block you and still vague about it years later when you shouldn't care to see it anymore and you shouldn't try #to block evade me but you did anyway because you're annoying and uncool!#Ace ppl/ppl who complain abt being blocked/called 'honey' an' call you 'mentally disabled' and try to parentalize you and call you 'aphobic #when you try and tell them to fuck off and stop doing that and delete your friends stolen photos from their shitty blog and go out and get #laid aren't cool! L O L !!!#undescribed

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cyberhai · 1 year

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Trust me on this boys I'm a professional 💪🏻

#professional sex haver yes thats me #anyone who says i am an adult virgin is a liar and a fraud #susdowner posting #mgrr #mgr #cyberhai gets sus #metal gear rising revengeance #metal gear rising #sundowner #sundowner mgr #mgr sundowner

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vvviktor · 7 months

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I know that when loki and lorelei get out of the speed dating pub situation it's implied that they probably fucked. But. To me aoa loki is a huge virgin im sorry i will deny any ounce of proof that this guy (whom i find very charming) can charm someone. She lived the Teenage Experience sped up and has been alive for like 7 years she doesn't know shit and she WILL make jokes about it to defuse the tension. Loser behavior. I love her.

#loki gets to third base with someone and just goes: lets go on an adventure together first THEN we can do...it...yes...i am an expert...#he is a loser. i want them so bad. yeah #i would go on the adventure first even tho i know its just a way to kill me off #so that she doesn't deal with the embarassment of vulnerability #agent of asgard #loki aoa #loki 616 #loki agent of asgard #its ok to be a virgin hes to one that makes it a problem cause he feels lame #but i mean ofc i would deflower him

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amourcheol · 4 months

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Hi! I LOVEDDDD your Great War fic and have not stopped thinking about it since. It’s thrown me down a Venetian history spiral and I’m dying to know what century/era/decade you were inspired by? I’m thinking it’s renaissance because of the mention of Medici but that spans over so much time that I was curious if you had a more specific timeframe. Additionally , do you have any resources about Venetian history?

To finish off I just want to rave over how amazing the fic is!!!! It had me kicking my feet and giggling. It was the first scoups fic I ever read and I don’t think anything will ever beat it. Thank you for sharing such an incredible work of art!!!!!

OMGGGG first of all thank u so so much !! 🥹🥹 i feel so honoured it’s inspired u to look into it’s contextual history!!

i actually DID focus on a specific decade, though I tried to make it as general early modern as possible—i based my research around very early 1570s from the battle of lepanto (where it all begins of course) ur right LMAO Medici did have a big ass dynasty but the man i mentioned actually was called Cosimo de Medici, who was ruling Florence at the time !! (Not to be confused with the banker in the 13-1400s, played by extremely hot richard madden in that Medici show) as for resources, I actually used my university notes 💀💀 i did a module on early modern Venetian history and enjoyed it so much that i revised it via writing historical smut 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ but my best option is looking up references on Wikipedia and borrowing those books !! early modern Venetian history is so so interesting, srs i could write a whole universe on it 🙏🏼

FIRST CHEOL FIC ?? feeling super honoured to have been the first one u have read 😞💖 im so happy i could get u kicking ur feet that man makes me eat my tv every night before bed 🙏🏼🙏🏼

#asks #the great war tings #thank u for being so interested in the historical lore !!#im a SUCKER for historically accurate period romances and Venetian history …. PHEWWWWWW #im actually researching for a Greek god au but I won’t be too specific with their lore cause Greek mythology is way too dark #but can u believe this was birthed just cause I thought cheol would look hot in military armour #yes I AM a virgin !

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visiosatanae · 8 months

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Me, speaking as a feminist: virginity isn't even a real thing, it's just a social construct used to enforce purity culture

Me, speaking as a slutty little sub: please, take my innocence. Be the first to corrupt me, use me, teach me. I'm yours to do with as you please.

#personal ramblings #yes i was thinking about copia when i wrote this #don't come for me i am UNWELL #i'm not even a virgin why am i like this 😭

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mattmewrdock · 2 days

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Look there's no easy way to say this, if I, by chance, found Matt Murdock naked and in my bed (consenting) I wouldn't wake up a virgin tomorrow

#Am I still a virgin #That's between me god and Matty #Daredevil #Matt Murdock #It's that time of the month when I'm ovulating and no boy or girl around me is at a level where I'm like yes I want to be pregnant #So Matt Murdock it is...

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cream-and-tea · 1 year

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LAY ME DOWN. chapter seven excerpt. unedited. featuring: agnes taking some time to explore her new surroundings and reflect on her old ones. blasphemy. implied homophobia. religious trauma. mild injury.

[Transcript under the cut]

hiiii! we’ve had pallas’s existential gender ponderings so it’s only fair that i post something that features much more heavily in the plot: Agnes And The Ongoing Sexuality Crisis! now go and listen to hallelujah (in your arms) by semler at least 50 times to accurately recreate the experience i had writing this chapter <3

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-). @vellichor-virgo @nicola-writes @doctormoss @gerbermatter @cactusprincewrites @houndmouthed @muddshadow @just-wublrful @midnights-melodiverse @corkywantstowrite @paradisiacalshroud @andromedatalksaboutstuff @kingsinking @lungs-and-gills @lychniscitrus @phantomnations

This isn’t the first time she’s dreamt of girls.

Agnes considers that fact as she pulls everything out of the chest sitting at the foot of the bed (spare bedding mostly, sheets and quilts and pillowcases— multiple of each—and at least one heavy coat). They’ve never felt like that before though, clear and cold like water running over her skin, so obviously there. Most of the time she doesn’t even remember the other ones, just the feeling of them, waking up part ashamed and part euphoric (the euphoria always wore off long before the shame).

Agnes checks under the bed, then opens and closes the drawer on the end table, scoots it over to peer behind it, not really sure what she’s looking for. Secret passages maybe? Hidden traps? Something to let her know what the rules are here.

There are, in her experience, at least three kind of rules in the world: the kind that people will tell you up front, the kind that they expect you to just know about and act surprised when you don’t, and the kind that they never say out loud but you can feel somewhere in your bones must be followed at all costs (We don’t talk about how Agnes sees ghosts and we don’t talk about how Agnes thinks about girls both fall into this category). Normally it takes her way too long to figure out which are which, she can’t afford to do that here where everything is already so confusing.

Pallas would probably know all the rules, if she can find them, if they don’t make her brain explode when she does. Pallas had seemed to know everything about whatever this place is. What would they think of the girl in her dreams? They’re a weird and very sharp sort of person, she thinks, not really anything in particular at all. A why more than a what. If they weren’t definitely going to murder her if she looked at them wrong she would ask about that.

There’s nothing in the desk but pencils, pens and a stack of notebooks. There’s nothing under the rug or behind the dresser filled with clothes that all look her size. The bookshelf is half full of titles she doesn’t recognize. She’s too weak to climb up to and push aside the strange painting of a human-faced deer full of arrows that hangs over the fireplace. When she limps her way to the bathroom the tub is still full and stagnant from when she filled it the night before but her clothes have mysteriously vanished from their crumpled pile on the floor.

Agnes sways, then sits on the edge of the bathtub to appease her screaming ankle. She swings one leg into the water, hoping that will somehow help the pain, presses the heels of her hands into her eyes. “Okay. Okay okay okay.”

Things she knows: This is a library in a forest a long time after libraries stopped being something people thought about (her mother is dead). This library is supposedly full of people like her and people like Pallas (her Papá is gone). It’s going to teach her about what she is (her mother is dead). It’s not going to be easy (her mother is dead). She shouldn’t tell anyone her name (her mother is dead). The Library is supposed to save the world. (her Papá is gone). There are doors in trees that lead to tunnels that lead to here and things that look like dogs but aren’t and people that can bend blood and flesh and a Director who’s office sits in the void with a sword hanging above it in suspended animation (her Papá is gone and her mother is dead her Papá is gone and her mother is dead but somehow she is alive alive alive).

Things she doesn’t know: How exactly The Library is going to save the world. What The Library knows about the men in white. Where the men in white could have taken Papá. How these people can teach her about ghosts. How this place stands untouched in a forest that consumes everything around it. Why the girl in her dreams was asking her to find her. Whether or not there will be people her age here. Why the dogs and the Director and the librarian remind her of what the men in white did to her mother. Where her clothes went. If she’ll ever see Pallas again or if they’ve left her for good. If God hates her or not. Why there’s a sword in the Directors office. If there’s a place she can get food. If there’s any point to the deer painting or if it’s there just to creep her out.

The closest thing they’d had to art on the walls back home was a wood-burned etching of the Virgin Mary that sat propped on a shelf above the kitchen table. Papá had made it for Mother for some anniversary and it really was very beautiful, dark line’s swirling across polished cedar. Her mother loved it and Agnes loved it too, there was something mesmerising about how the natural whorls and grain of the wood mixed with scratchy charcoal dark swirls. She’d liked the way the Mother of Gods eyes were ever so slightly downcast, as if she wanted to look at you but couldn’t quite bring herself to. Agnes could relate to that. And then one night when she was thirteen and everything seemed awful forever she’d gone to bed late after too little time spent with Mother and too much time wandering with the ghosts and dreamt that the carving had come alive.

Mary had still been the colour of wood in the dream, but soft to the touch, human and wrapped in flowing fabric. Agnes had been standing barefoot and bareshouldered in the middle of the kitchen and Mary had knelt in front of her very very close and Agnes had used to clumsy hands to move the veil from her hair and the Blessed Virgin's hair had come loose around her face and she’d put her carvedgirl hands on either side of Agnes’s face.

Then Mary had said nos diligimus, quoniam ipse prior dilexit nos and put her lips close to Agnes’s and Agnes had woken up screaming like someone had doused her with boiling oil.

This, obviously, woke her parents, but she’d been too sick with horror and shame to lie so instead had sobbed out everything into Papá’s shoulder. Then Mother had begun to talk in the high and strung out way that there was something very, very wrong and Papá had sent her to sit on the steps outside in the gnawing February air where she’d pressed her hands to her ears and her snot-streaked face to her knees, trying to block out the sound inside while a dead woman and her barely-there son had pressed to either side of her, trying to be comforting but really only making her colder.

She felt about the same then as she does now, half-awake and shuddery and like she could make one wrong move and the world would collapse in screaming fire around her, well-worn prayers buoying in her heavy head, bits of wood carried along by a torrent of floodwater.

Oh Lord, what’s happening to me.

Oh Lord, why why why why why.

#listen ok. listen it was so hard to decide which warnings to put at the top of this one #how dare i say can i accurately sum up ‘so one of my first Gay Awakening moments was with the wood burned carving of the virgin mary my pa #rents kept in our kitchen. yeah it was kind of hot. yeah it scarred me for life’#i think i did well considering the circumstances lol #and yes despite this being in chapter 7 agnes will take the majority of the book to admit she likes girls #not that i blame her but babygirl. sweetheart. pls take a moment and sit down and think #it’s so funny bc for the entire story pallas is like i am so Brooding and Traumatized #i have Secrets That Must Never See The Light Of Day i am lying to myself at all times #meanwhile agnes is operating at a baseline repression level they can’t even DREAM of #it’s the growing up catholic <3 #wip: ghost story #creme does a writing

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