#yes i know sillabub is supposed be to Jemima

[rabnerd28]

Watching Cats (2019) DvD Commentary

Thoughts as I watch:

Tom is literally basing this entire movie on the one time he saw Cats in 1981 when he was 8 years old

He called the movie a coming of age film about Victoria meeting characters that effect her and that Tugger represents the sin of lust (yes I am laughing)

He said abandoned three times in a row to describe Grizabella

Tom made up the thing about Grizabella used to be with Macavity happened because he wanted to cut out the idea that she was a prostitute

Has Bustopher eat trash because he thought that's what cats would be more interested in

The pause in Bustopher Jones when he says to gather the cats is a meta joke about the cats actually being people

The food was CGI

"Sees the implication of his unchecked appetites" in reference to Victoria and Bustopher Jones

Hooper brought his niece and nephew to set to play on the Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer set

He keeps insisting that there is a learning and growing arc for Victoria, but I have no idea what he's talking about

He has barely talked about the characters as actual characters and mostly just talks about how great it is to work with famous celebrity number five or how they're symbolical. I think he's making things up at this point

He added the love story because he thought Misto trying to figure out how to be a magician was a good parallel with Victoria's story of finding herself

Originally the first barge scene was longer with a lot of improv from James and Rebel as Growltiger went on

"Robbie Fairchild is brilliant" that is the only thing Tom said that makes sense

This man really said "women can be the god of cats in 2019"

Judie and Ian were the ones to decide that Gus and Old D had a thing...well at least they followed the pattern of cats actors making weird decisions for their characters

I've come to the conclusion that Tom chose his cast based on which famous actors he's always wanted to work with

Tom has no idea how to describe choreography...just like how he has no idea how to film it

Giving Victoria a solo to sing was ALW's idea

He thinks the call and response of Beautiful Ghosts and Memory is brilliant and doesn't understand how he fucked that up

They almost cut "Moments of Hapiness"

He keeps talking about how great this film is for women, but where is Demeter sir!

He didn't know that it's Jellylorum that sings Gus' song and because Ian couldn't tell what the relationship between the two was he cut out her singing it for him

He talks about the advantage of mixing the CGI with the practical clothing, and I'm like, you know what would be even better? No CGI!

I don't know who's playing Bomba, but she was the first person to be cast in Cats

He said that he thinks Macavity works better as a solo and it didn't need to be a duet...I have never felt more like murder in my whole life

Taylor Swifts dad gave him the idea for the catnip

He likes the idea of Macavity being evil yet still plays by the rules...why?

He's talking about the changes from the musical to Mr Mistoffelees, and boy is he not bringing up that Tugger is the one that sings the number

Talks about community like there was any in this movie

This man has no idea who Jemima/Sillabub is, does he?

He finally mentioned Mette Towley as Cassandra at least. Recognize that she's the best character in this film goddamit!

Apparently Munkustrap was supposed to be learning about leading this whole film...wat

Apparently he watched the 98 film several times while writing the script...and yet this movie is straight

I'm not watching the commentary for the end credits. Fuck I hate this man

#cats musical #cats 2019 #tom hooper #i will keep my gag of not knowing who that is going even on my tumblr #cats the musical #cats movie

[amethyst-labyrinth]

Under the Jellicle Dawn

Chapter eight 

Meanwhile a strange giddiness had came over the gray tabby. He jumped up happily and literally danced over to where Tugger and the sleeping Misto were. Jump up on the car he grabbed his brother by the shoulders.

"You have a mate!" He cried happily. "And you're not going to cheat on him by mating with other cats?"

"Of course not!" Tugger spat angrily at his brother.

"This is wonderful! My recurring nightmares about you impregnating all the queens wont come true!"

"Brother, you are sick!" Tugger said before kicking him off the car.

"The only sick cats here are you and Mr. Mistoffelees!" Demeter spat running over to help her tom-friend up. "Your own nephew, Tugger?"

"I have never laid a paw on Victor or Mungojerrie," Tugger said. "And they are the only two nephews I have!"

"Demeter," Old Deuteronomy finally spoke up. "Young Quaxo is not my grand-kit, I would know if he was. There is no blood relation between them."

"If you truly believe that Old Deuteronomy, then you an old…" Demeter abruptly stopped herself placing a paw over her mouth.

"What? An old fool? Is that what you wished to call me? Well say it then. It would not be the first time you called me as such."

"Old Deuteronomy, sir I…" Demeter began trailing off. "I was not myself then."

"You are not yourself now and have not been for some time. I remember when you were known such as Sillabub. I miss that cat she was warm, friendly, caring, strong, compassionate. She was open to other's opinions, she was not paranoid, and she could see and listen to reason. She knew when she was wrong and admitted it. She did not see enemies in cats that are her friends; she was not so blinded in her own pain and bitterness to see the sadness and the suffering of others, and she was not in Macavity's control! And I know deep down she is still in there fighting to come back! Come back to us Sillabub! Come back to who you were!" Old Deuteronomy said.

The yellow queen started at the wise old cat in an almost trance like state, how long had it been since she had been called Sillabub? And how long had it been since she felt like Sillabub? Had there been a time when she wasn't in Macavity's control? Perhaps when she was still a newborn kit before her eyes and ears opened, before she'd ever laid eyes on the older cat, before she'd ever heard his smooth voice. Even now she could hear him in the back of her mind mocking her, temping her, controlling her! The yellow queen grabbed the sides of her head and fell to her knees trying to push Macavity out of her mind.

'It was true Old Deuteronomy would know whom his descendants were and whom were not and Quaxo really dosen't look anything like Macavity, maybe…maybe I am wrong,' She thought.

"Do you really believe that?" She heard Macavity whisper in her mind. "You don't know what I could have done to the old cat's mind when I kidnapped him and that little conjurer has the power of illusion how can you be sure what he really looks like?"

"Get out of my head!" Demeter mentally screamed.

"HAHAHAHA!" Macavity's laughter echoed in her brain.

Munkustrap and Bomba ran to her sides each taking hold of her.

"It's oaky Dem, we're here," Her sister told.

"Just breath slowly in and out like we talked about," Munkustrap said.

Tugger frowned unsympathetically while it was true he had no idea of the mental struggle going in on inside Demeter's mind he wouldn't have much sympathy for her if he did know. Despite Demeter being accepted back into the tribe and forgiven by the others Tugger had never truly forgiven her or truly trusted her ether. But it was more then just that, he couldn't stand how she always acted like she was better then him, how she always looked down on him. He just knew she was always badmouthing him too Munkustrap! Sometimes Tugger thought she was trying to come between him and his own brother. And the way everyone always had to walk on eggshells around her all because if what happen with Macavity. Sure Tugger felt bad for her. He didn't know all the particulars, but he knew there had been abuse both verbal and physical.

But Tugger could never understand was Demeter stayed with Macavity for as long as she did. Sure she said she loved him, but was her love for worth all the pain? It wasn't as if any one would have looked down on her for leaving him.

Demeter for her part never went out of her way to prove herself to Tugger instead she was openly hostile to him. Maybe it was because he reminded her of Macavity somewhat or the way he stole and broke hearts without seemingly caring the feelings of others if his treatment of Bomba was anything to go by. His clownish to serious nature didn't help any he couldn't be depended upon too act one way. Just when it seemed Tugger was nothing more then an immature troublemaker he'd do something responsible and helpful! Disobliging ways in deed!

Tugger's tail began to thrash angrily as he watched Demeter being fussed over for what Tugger perceived as a mere headache or a bid for attention and to be the victim.

"Well look who's faking it now," Tugger spat bitterly jumping off the TSE-1.

"Rum, please," Munkustrap said rubbing Demeter's back. "You don't understand."

"Oh I understand alright! I understand that little Pollicle in cat skin has got you so wrapped up around her that the whole world has to stop all because she suddenly has a headache!"

"She's having a panic attack," Bomba said hoping Tugger would understand.

"Of course she is!" Tugger said throwing his paws up in the air. "She doesn't have anyone to bully now that we got Misto to go sleep! Can't knock him down and build her self up can she now?"

"Rum," Munkustrap said in a gentler tone hoping to calm his brother down. "Look we all know what Demeter said about Quaxo and his mother was and is wrong and it was equally wrong of all of us to put Quaxo's heath at risk and take I full blame for that. I put my personal feelings for Demeter over Quaxo's well being and I'm sorry. Now I know it was wrong and cruel of Demeter to dismiss Quaxo as faking when he clearly wasn't. But Rum, Demeter is having a real problem and I need you to be the bigger cat here, show Demeter that she's wrong about you. That you can be kind and compassionate."

"So she has been complaining to you about me behind my back!" Tugger said angrily.

"I always defend you!" Munkstrap was quick to say.

"Oh enough of this soap opera nonsense!" Bustopher Jones shouted highly annoyed. "I came here to explain about how magic in cats works and to clear my sister's good name. Not to watch an episode of 'All My Kittens!' Now someone lift Demeter up so I can help her with her little problem."

"Bustopher, dear," Jenny began. "I really don't think you can help. What Demeter needs right now is rest…"

"No," Bustopher Jones said firmly. "I gave up freshly caught fish for this, powered walked all the way here, had to emotionally blackmail my nephew. Your daughter, Demeter, madam is not having a mere panic attack and I know how remedy it. Now if someone would so kind to help her to feet, since I'm not built for bending down."

"Bustopher," Skimbles said feeling annoyed at the twenty-five pounder. "Just because you're The Cat About Town doesn't mean you know everything! Now Demeter is my daughter as well and I believe too that she needs to rest!

Old Deuteronomy sighed as he walked over to where Demeter was huddled on the ground.

"Munkustrap, do as Bustopher Jones asks."

"But Father," The gray tabby began to protest.

"Would you rather I ask Rum Tum Tugger to do it instead?"

"No father," Munkusrtap said as he began to help the yellow queen up. "Come Demeter, it will be alright, let Bustopher Jones help you."

"No one can help me," Demeter whimpered. "Macavity, he's…" Before she could finish Bustopher Jones flicked her forehead and in that moment she felt the Hidden Paw being pushed out of her mind till she could no longer feel him there.

"He's gone," The yellow queen murmured. "How did you do that?" She asked him. She felt relief and suspicion all at once.

"It's a little trick I learned from my grandmamma. You see my dear, when you're the Cat About Town all the rumors, gossip, and secrets come to you and it's very important know keep others out of your mind. Now that all this melodrama is over and done with it's time to get down to business. You believe that my dear beloved nephew Quaxo, first name Mr. Mistoffelees is one of Macavity's sons correct?"

"I not believe it! I know it!" Demeter challenged.

"How to do you know?" Bustopher Jones deadpanned.

"His power! Such power could only be inherited from his father."

"Or his mother and her side of the family of which Macavity is decently not of."

"Wait," Tugger said. "Mother-in-law can do magic?"

"Let's just say my sister has some unnatural talents."

"You call you're mother-in-law, Mother-in-law?" Munkustrap asked his brother.

"Of course what else would I call her? Father-in-law?"

"What about one of her names?" The gray tabby asked.

"I can't call Quaxo's mother by one her names!" Tugger said horrified. "She's Quaxo's mother and besides I don't even know any of her names."

"I think one of her names began with an O," Jellylorum said helpfully. "Bustopher, dear? What is Quaxo's mother's name?"

"It's Mommy," Came the sleep voice of Mistoffelees.

"Your mother's name is not Mommy," His uncle said. "And you are supposed to be sleeping."

"Someone yelled and woke me up."

"Yes, well we all know who's to blame for that," Tugger said shooting a look towards Bustopher Jones. Tugger strutted back to the TSE-1 he jumped back up on it and crawled over to Mistoffelees and began to uncurl him and roll on his stomach. "What you need is a nice massage to help relax you," He said as he began work on his mate's tense neck muscles.

Bomba and Victoria found themselves both mesmerized and jealousies as they watched Tugger. For Bomba she wanted be in Misto's place. She had always loved Rum Tum Tugger and had longed to get to know the cat beneath his 'rock star' persona the, cat that tribe only got glimpse of once and awhile, the cat she realized that Quaxo probably knew best.

She and Tugger had once been close before Demeter became mates with Macavity before she fell under his spell too. She and Tugger use to date, not serious dating, but Tugger went out with her more then he did with anyone else.

It had been so much fun back then when they'd all go on group dates, Demeter and Alonzo, Munkstrap and Cassandra, Victoria's parents, and her and Tugger. But once Demeter and Macavity became mates things changed and not for the better. Munkustrap and Tugger didn't want to on group dates anymore, Alonzo was hurting as it was and they didn't want to add that by leaving him alone. Demeter had chastised them for being more loyal to their friend then their own brother. Going out on double and group dates with Demeter and Macavity hadn't been much fun anyway sure he took them to fancy human places, but was just so could case the joint and rob it later.

And then the Macavity war happened. Bomba still crused herself for role in that, watching Demeter and Macavity kits while the take over was supposed to happen. She knew should have never agreed to Macavity's plan, but he spoke so earnestly and eloquently about wanting a better life for cats. No one was supposed to get hurt no one was supposed to die! She could barely live with herself when she found out what happened and despite what Demeter had said about blaming Munk and Tugger for all the deaths, the yellow queen had blamed herself as well braking down in tears when it was just the two of them. She had only said to show her love and loyalty to Macavity, but Demeter did not fully blame her mate ether. That was one of Demeter's faults she could never admit when she was wrong and she had been so wrong about Macavity, but his hold on Demeter was still so strong.

Bomba had left the tribe for two reasons one was to keep an eye on her sister and the other was because she felt unworthy to be in the tribe. Living with Macavity was like being an alumnus of heaven and hell. The Hidden Paw's moods changed frequently he could be wonderfully kind one minute and the next mercilessly cruel the next. And the things he forced her and Demeter to do…it made Bomba wonder if she'd ever feel clean again. As a coping mechanism she had romanticized her relationship with Tugger greatly. As she lay dreaming of him dreaming of her, but the more she thought and dreamed about Tugger the more lonelier and more easier it was for Macavity to seduce her.

She knew she was foolish to hope Tugger would profess his everlasting love for her, become mates and raise the kitten as his own when she and Demeter returned to the tribe, but it was that hope, that dream that kept her going. What a cruel joke it was all while she was loving and dreaming of Tugger, he was in love with another cat. As much as Bomba had grown to like Quaxo looking back she realized she had always been jealous of him. He was Tugger's best friend, the cat Tugger wanted to be with.

There was a part of her that hated Quaxo at this moment for taking Tugger away from her. How easy it would be to agree with Demeter that Quaxo was evil, to accuse him of putting a love spell on Tugger. She crushed that thought. It wouldn't do any good. She knew it wasn't true and that it would just make Tugger hate her and then she'd lose him as a friend. Besides it was kittenish and she was no longer a kitten. She didn't know what to do, but she didn't want to give up on Tugger ether.

For Victoria she had known Quaxo since she was a kitten. He had always been like a big brother to her, teaching her how to dance, making her laugh, protecting her when some of the tom-kits bullied her. She told him all her secretes and she'd show him all her treasures. He'd tell her the most wonderful stories. He was everything she could want in a big brother and then one day she didn't see him as a brother anyone more and didn't lone him as one ether. This new found love frightened her at first, but then she reminded herself that Quaxo wasn't really her brother and it was oaky to feel that way about him.

She told Munkustrap how she felt. He was her step-father after all she wound need his blessing. He couldn't of been more happier for her and was sure Quaxo must feel the same way about hert. He would talk to him after the ball to give him his blessing as well.

It was supposed to be so romantic her and Quaxo confessing their love for one another, but then the ball went of control and she found out Quaxo had been keeping things from her! Important thing! She could forgive him for not telling her about his powers, but not about being Tugger's mate! That hurt not just because she was in love with him, but because they were friends and that was kind of thing friends sure with each other. He could if at least told her that he liked Tugger, but instead he made her think that he didn't even like him! Did their friendship mean so little to him that he couldn't even share with her his feelings?

As she watched Tugger begin to kneed Quaxo's back and listened to Quaxo's soft purring, her jealousy of the Mane Coon increased she wanted to be the one who took care of Quaxo and then she realized that Tugger was doing all the things she wanted to do with Quaxo. Holding paws, going on dates, romantic dancing in the moonlight, kissing, and…and mating! That last thought made her stomach larch. This was too much she couldn't stand looking at them or even being near them. As quietly as she could she left the clearing with only her brother Victor seeing and following her.

#fanfic #cats the musical #tuggoffelees #Mr. Mistoffelees #rum tum tugger #munkustrap #demeter #Bombalurina #bustopher jones #old deuteronomy #skimbleshanks #sillabub #demeter is silladub #yes i know sillabub is supposed be to Jemima #Victora #victor

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

Explaining Cats

There are so many things about Cats that are basically impossible to explain with a straight face. Like, just identifying characters can be like:

That’s Mistoffelees. He has a song, so I don’t really need to explain him, but you should know that if someone mentions a character called Quaxo, they probably mean him. Maybe. There are Mistos that aren’t Quaxo and Quaxos that aren’t Misto, but most of the are both. 

That’s Asparagus. No, not Gus. Yeah, Gus is short for Asparagus, but this Asparagus probably isn’t that Asparagus. To avoid confusion, some people call him Peter.

The :D cat is probably called George. He might be named Admetus, but that might’ve just been an error on the old website. A lot of people think he’s a dog.

Carbuckety and Pouncival are the same, except when they’re not. Bill Bailey and Tumblebrutus are the same, except when they’re not. Jemima and Sillabub are the same, except when they’re not. Admetus and Plato are the same, except when they’re not or one of them is actually George. 

Pouncival is also George sometimes. George was Jonathan this one time, and I think he was Bill Bailey at least once. This character design is named Admetus, Bill Bailey, Jonathan, Pouncival, and/or George.

And almost none of these characters will ever be directly referred to by their names!

Also, these are the kittens. No, they’re not children, at least not usually, but they are baby. There is a difference between being a child and being baby. Misto is baby but he’s not even a kitten. Well, he’s adultish. Kittens are sort of adults too, but they’re like baby adults. Misto is a baby adult but not a kitten. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are also not kittens, probably, but they’re kind of baby sometimes.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are assumed to be twins, but no one really knows and they might actually be fucking.

The girl kittens are Jemima/Sillabub, Victoria, Electra, and Etcetera. No really, that’s her name.

Outside of naming characters, there’s always:

The Jellicles are Jellicles because that’s what they call themselves. Jellicle means Jellicle which means Jellicle.

Yes, everyone is really horny, and yes, it’s supposed to be that way. 

“Buried nine wives” is an old-fashioned way of saying “outlived”, because the song lyrics are poems written in the 30s. The word “gay” is used to mean “cheery” instead of “gay” at some point. Also, racism.

So, a bunch of people are onstage, pretending to be cats. But, those cats are pretending to be pirates, and those cat pirates are singing a ballad about a parrot in a bar for long enough for it to basically be it’s own number. Also, racism.

And, the answer to everything:

We don’t know exactly why this is happening but here’s like 12 different headcanons and 2 contradictory answers from two different actors in two different productions 30 years apart.

#cats musical #mr mistoffelees #quaxo #cats asparagus #gus the theatre cat #cats peter #cats george #cats admetus #carbuckety #carbucketty #pouncival #cats bill bailey #tumblebrutus #cats plato #cats jemima #sillabub #cats jonathan #mungojerrie #rumpleteazer #cats victoria #cats electra #cats etcetera #growltiger's last stand #ballad of billy mccaw #this fucking show

[sillybub]

Can you talk more about Shiki Cats, especially Jemima and Sillabub (since they're separate in this production)? <3

YES!  Okay so.  The thing is that I have a boot from 2000 and the production has definitely changed since then, but I can’t find much information about it.  They added Pekes & Pollicles back in, so Rumpus Cat is back in action, so I think that’s the only notable difference?  Anyways most of my thoughts are gonna be based on the 2000-ish era.  I’ve actually only watched my boot a couple of times, so I honestly don’t have many in-depth thoughts yet.

So I think Shiki Sillabub is my favorite version of this character.  She’s just,, she’s a BABY!  Like, she’s supposed to be young in every production, but specifically she’s definitely a baby and I love it!  I also appreciate how she’s the one to touch Griz instead of Vic.  I adore Vic and her moment with Griz at the end, but it kinda ajdakdasdhl makes a little more sense for Sillabub to do it.  It makes her singing come full circle a little more.

My headcanon for her being Skimble’s daughter comes from the fact that she gets to sit at the front of the train and they are both yellow alkjdssajdlkd im afraid there’s not much else there.

As for Jemima, I think she looks hella cool!!  Uh, tbh,, she looks very similar to Demeter so I can’t always pick her out in the crowd.  But she is in the Gumbie Trio alongside Bomba and Tanto!  God the three of them are all so cool and hot, they’re probably bitchy best friends who go clubbing together.

I’m sorry I don’t have more thoughts about her,, I’m gonna rewatch Shiki and I will come back with more thoughts,,

I CAN expound upon the ones I posted earlier though!

I said I thought that Tugger and Munk weren’t brothers in this production and I could very well be wrong about this.  They just...didn’t really give me those vibes?

I think the thing that I like WAY more is Misto, Munk, and Vic (and I think my Griz Oldest Daughter take probably works here too) all being siblings.  Munk is the oldest and Most Responsible, and I can’t help but notice that this Munk is a lot more serious than other Munks.  It could just be that I didn’t get to see him be playful in Pekes & Pollicles like I normally do, but he comes off as strict to me.  He looks after Sillabub a lot, though, which is sweet!

Victoria is the youngest and she’s the absolute princess of the tribe.  She’s elegant and beautiful, and her prominent role in choreography is a reflection of her high status.  She’s very proper, but knows how to let loose a lot more than Munk.  Since she’s the youngest, she tends to have a lot more freedom anyways.

Misto is the middle child who often gets overshadowed by is more prominent siblings and that’s why he’s so eager to show off in his song!!  And why he loves to show off in general!!  Like in the beginning of the show Misto is actin all impish and Munk is like “Knock it off” and Misto is like “>:(” 

And then Tugger comes in and gives him all the validation he deserves and Misto gets to show off his awesome cool powers and show everyone how great he is and Munk is won over and joins in on the celebrating and salkdjakjdald it just like it so much

[fizzingwizard]

I finally saw the Cats movie the other day.

After the alarming trailers and the bad reviews after the premiere, I was pretty much desperate to like it. Just to like it, enough, as a Cats fan. I thought, “ok, if the normal people dislike it, that doesn’t mean there aren’t enough nuggets and even pearls to sustain us true fans.” Trust me, I am a fan of X-men comics, I am very very used to doing that. (It’s the entire reason I can stomach the Dark Phoenix movie at all.) So my bar was, I thought, appropriately low.

Oh how wrong I was.

iT’S THE WORST MOVIE I EVER SAW GUYS. And it gives me no small amount of pain to admit that. It marks the first time in my life I considered walking out of the theater, not out of outrage, just boredom. And Cats has never bored me before. So I must rant.

Before I start, though, I have to say I just can’t blame the cast for any of this. It’s the movie direction. As far as I can tell, the actors acted and danced their hearts out truly believing when it was finished this movie would be something resembling a movie. The resemblance is there, but... faint.

1) The CGI. A while back I suggested that once the CGI was finished and polished up, and moreover, when we could watch it continuously and not in stitched-together bits for a haphazard trailer, then the CGI cats wouldn’t look as jarring. For the most part, that was the case for me. But I’m certain it wasn’t the case for everyone. It was freakishly reminiscent of that live action Cat in the Hat movie (and that’s not exactly a compliment).

It didn’t bother me too much, because I thought from the beginning that costumes or CGI, it would be impossible to design human cats who don’t rub a lot of people the wrong way. It was a sacrifice I was okay making because I saw it as an inevitability. But the hairier cats like Old Deut and Gus (ie, the cats whose costumes were more reminiscent of the theater) definitely looked better, though. (Speaking of which, who on EARTH shaved poor Rum Tum Tugger!?)

But aside from the cats. Those rats FREAKED me out. If those had been in the trailer? My hopes would have been dashed much, much earlier. Eek. No. And... the rats came back a second time... and then a third!!! Meanwhile the beetles were just... people in beetle suits. Mr. Hooper, what are you smoking? I need some right now.

Also. Why, WHY don’t the cats have cat noses? That bothered me the whole time!!

2) The choreography. When I saw the cast, way back before even trailers were out, the first thing I thought was “um, do these people secretly have classical dance training and it just isn’t widely known?” Because Cats is basically a variety show. You can’t do Cats without amazing dancing in multiple styles, from ballet to tap to freaking gymnastics.

There were some dancers, including Victoria. I wish I could say more of them. It’s not that they aren’t talented. I’m sure they are. It’s just that, between the choreography being incredibly changed, and then on top of that edited with CGI to “improve” the feline poses and stunts, who knows where the actual dancing is. Not me. We don’t even get one fouette from Mistoffelees. I mean. Come on. Not even in CGI! Why would you do this to Cats. Why. Why.

It’d be one thing if the movie choreography clearly improved Cats the movie, which, after all, wasn’t going to be an exact replica of Cats the musical. Unfortunately, it, uh, doesn’t.

3) The music. I haven’t seen this touched on a lot, but did anyone else notice the music sounded like someone was just playing the soundtrack for the 90s film on a boombox somewhere in the background? It wasn’t crisp. It wasn’t even loud. The electric guitar that makes you shiver when you hear it live? Barely discernible. At the very least, I thought they’d do something interesting with the music, although I guess I should thank my lucky stars that they randomly decided to leave well enough alone in this instance... But it’s a MUSICAL. How do you half-ass the (amazing, by the way!) score in a MUSICAL?!

4) The singing. Yes, this needs its own separate section, because WHY COULDN’T ANYONE SING. Even people who can, in fact, sing!! Jennifer Hudson is GREAT singer. Her “Memory” isn’t terrible, but it is drastically overacted and far from joining my list of favorite “Memory” performances. Taylor Swift’s “Macavity” was fine, I guess. I’d probably be more positive about it if the rest of the movie didn’t suck. James Corden was fine too, “Bustopher Jones” is not exactly a challenging song, but Rebel Wilson’s “Old Gumbie Cat” was breathy, weirdly sexualized, and couldn’t end fast enough for me. I’m not too familiar with Jason Derulo but I am sure he doesn’t sing like an idiot all the time, and neither should Rum Tum Tugger. What was that about?

And no one expected Judi Dench to sing but she sure tried. I admire her for it, but sorry, Mr. Hooper, I don’t agree that Old Deut can get away with a poetry reading version of “The Moments of Happiness.”

“Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer” was pretty good but difficult to understand because all the scene-changing made the lyrics hard to follow (and I know them by heart). “Skimbleshanks” more or less the same. I wouldn’t have complained about these if the movie had been a little better overall.

“Magical Mr. Mistoffelees” is more about the dancing than the singing, but it’s such a climactic number that the way it’s so slow and, er, anticlimactic in this movie is just a huge letdown.

5) The unending fat jokes. I know James Corden and Rebel Wilson are both perfectly comfortable with poking fun at themselves, and do it pretty much all the time. I also know they’re both okay being gross. I suppose people thought the two of them together would be movie magic. Instead, their powers combined to create The Ultimate Apocalyptic Unending Gross Fat People Joke Machine. Some of the jokes were a little funny. They got less funny the more they occurred. And just when you thought they would stop. THEY INCREASED. It’s like I was secretly in a Spongebob Squarepants movie where they obsessively make fun of fat people and their bodies while eating everything in sight. It had a mood of “fat people power!” but a stench of “we couldn’t think of any good jokes so we just did some gross shit!”

6) I hate Munkustrap! This one has no appearance of objectivity, I just can’t stand him. He looks weirder in the CGI than most of them (not his fault, but). I hated his singing voice. And he got to sing way too much for how enjoyable he was. He looked a little stoned, to be frank. Maybe that’s what they were going for. BTW, I absolutely adore Munkustrap in the show. I wasn’t exactly expecting Michael Gruber again, and yet, I sort of was.

7.) Victoria’s original song. Actually. Actually. I liked this song. It was a nice song! I enjoyed listening to it in the credits. (lol?) They clearly spent much more time making it sound nice than they did the actual Cats music. But why... why was there an original song... in a musical that already has more than enough songs? What did it add? I get that it was supposed to explain Victoria’s motivations and show her connection with Grizabella. I just don’t think it was necessary. Because. Because. There’s already an explanatory song in the musical! the little known number... “Memory!” And its variations. As a well as the not insignificant “Glamour Cat” song. Victoria doesn’t have a song. That’s true. Jemima/Sillabub does though. If you’re going you erase the juxtaposition of Jemima and Grizabella and force Victoria into a similar role, why couldn’t she have just sung “Moonlight”? IIRC she did in the end sing the interlude during “Memory” anyway. Then they forced more reprises of the original Victoria song on us, even made Judi Dench sing it. It’s a nice song. WHAT IS IT DOING HERE.

(More in another post because it is late and my complaints are many.)

#cats musical #cats movie

[phantasieandmirare]

Okay so this is going to be fun. I haven’t seen Cats yet and I’m torn between wanting to just for the Experience and not wanting to to preserve the love I have for the musical itself. But I know a lot about the musical and characters (and I’ll be sharing my/the fandom’s general headcanons with you) because I watched the 1998 TV film on repeat when I was younger. So here’s what happens in the musical (keeping in mind that I’ve only seen the 1998 movie and not the actual show but I know that the show is different) that y’all are missing.

If you didn’t know at this point, the entire musical is based on the book ‘Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats’ by T.S. Eliot which is a book of short cutesy poems. This was one of Andrew Lloyd Weber’s favorite book when he was younger and he wrote the entire musical as a composition exercise to see if he could write music with predetermined lyrics.

There are so many interviews of Andrew Lloyd Weber explaining what the musical is about in the 80s and it’s just as awkward as literally anyone trying to explain Cats right now. But he’s trying his best. Cut him some slack.

I am literally watching the 1998 movie on YouTube as I type this. It’s all available there. Please watch it if you need to purge the Cats movie from your brain and replace it with something watchable.

I used to have all of the names of the cats memorized. I’m not kidding. I could tell you who was singing what line in every song. I knew the background characters. I could look at a picture and tell you who everyone was in it with extreme accuracy. I had every song memorized. I knew everything. I am the Cats God.

Munkustrap is the narrator of the musical. He’s also the de facto leader/protector of the Jellicles when Old Deuteronomy isn’t there. He’s like the prime minister to Old Deuteronomy’s queen/king. From what I understand he does not have the same sway in the movie which sucks because he’s my favorite and I love him.

There are two cats in the musical who are psychic. They’re twins. Their names are Coricopat and Tantomile. I’m not making this up. I think this is only mentioned in the stage show itself but on the off chance that it’s not and I just happen to know this now you know too.

“There’s a man over there with a look of surprise. As much as to say ‘well now how about that’. Do I actually see with my own very eyes a man who has not heard of a Jellicle Cat? ‘What’s a Jellicle Cat? What’s a Jellicle Cat? What’s a Jellicle Cat?’” Please tell me this line is in the movie. I’m begging you. Because this is hilarious now that this is now every single person’s reaction to the very concept of Cats.

From all the reviews I’m guessing that The Naming of Cats is not in the movie or it’s not played the way it is on stage. Which is a shame because that would be another delightful moment that confuses and horrifies everyone who has no idea what Cats is. If they played The Naming of Cats the way that they do on stage that alone would have cleared the movie theater instantly. For about three minutes they tell you how cats are named. In complete sync. They get louder and move closer to the audience as they go on. It’s low key terrifying. I also had this memorized. It was one of my favorite songs in the musical.

Our boy Mr. Mistoffelees is not named Mr. Mistoffelees for most of the show. He’s called Quaxo. The consensus is that ‘Mr. Mistoffelees’ is a separate identity and/or personality. I swear I’m not making this up.

Victoria and Quaxo/Mistoffelees are brother and sister. That’s a general headcanon that either I came to or is a consensus in the fandom. Not making this up either. Bustopher Jones/James Corden is their father. This is all assumed based on their coloration. This is also where I mention that I used to know all the family dynamics in this musicals and who’s with who.

It’s also a general consensus that Victoria isn’t ‘new’ but has just reached the age where she can be involved in the Jellicle Ball. She has the very first dance solo in the musical and is the one to finally accept Grizabella but that’s the only importance she has for the entire musical. She doesn’t have any lines or her own song but is instantly recognizable in every picture ever.

Jennyanydots is introduced wearing a large fur coat/get-up that she can barely stand up in and then removes it to reveal a flapper dress later. I assume that’s what they were going for with the whole ‘Rebel Wilson takes off her skin’ issue. Her song/dance is tap-based. She’s the wine aunt of the group. She never eats the cockroaches. That’s never mentioned in the song. I don’t know why they did that.

Rum Tum Tugger is supposed to be based on Mick Jagger. I don’t know how well that translated into the movie but I hear they tried to redesign him into a more modern version on stage recently that did not go well at all because it was kinda racist. So let’s just stick with the Mick Jagger version cause it works better. All the girls in the group are obsessed with him/groupies. All the moms/queens are so over it. He and Quaxo/Mistoffelees have a love hate relationship. I used to read fanfiction and people ship the heck out of them. General consensus is that he and Bombalurina/Taylor Swift are a thing.

Grizabella’s entire deal is that she used to be a show cat who got dumped/a mangy stray who used to be beautiful but then got into too many fights/it’s vaguely implied that she was a cat prostitute. 

Elaine Paige originated the role of Grizabella and then reprised it for the 1998 movie and that is the only reason that I know who Elaine Paige is.

The entire plot of this musical is that Grizabella is touch-starved. 

Is Demeter mentioned in the movie? She’s also my favorite. Does she have a major role? Where’s my girl? Where is she? Anyway Demeter and Munkustrap are often shipped together too. 

Bustopher Jones is essentially the Godfather and is the 1% of the Jellicles. Everyone loves him. He’s like Tugger for the older ladies/queens because they all also adore him. Quaxo/Mistoffelees chases him and plays with his tail and stuff like that a lot in the stage show and generally has this really proud air around him/is center stage in the song during his song which adds to the headcanon that Bustopher Jones is his dad.

To clear it up, Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer are brother and sister, they are not together. They’re also twins. 

Old Deuteronomy shows up. The psychic twins say that he’s coming. As far as I know that’s the only indication we get ever that they’re psychic.

Tugger and Munkustrap are friends/frenemies. The headcanon is that Tugger wants to be the leader or just doesn’t like that Munkustrap tries to keep them all in line/doesn’t let Tugger do whatever he wants but besides that they’re buddies. 

I think it was also implied somewhere/I had the headcanon that Old Deuteronomy and Grizabella are brother and sister. I think. I also think I had the headcanon that he’s Quaxo/Mistoffelees and Victoria’s grandfather because they also hang around him a lot. Ken Page who you may recognize as the voice of Oogie Boogie in The Nightmare Before Christmas plays Deuteronomy and originated the role and casually mentions that he’s probably the father of most of the cats so there you go. 

They cut this from the movie and I understand why now but there’s a musical number about a battle between two tribes of dogs that they put on as a performance for Old Deuteronomy. Yes it’s musical inception. This is a big song for Munkustrap because he narrates and sings the entire thing. At one point Tugger plays bagpipes in it. I’m not kidding. Munkustrap spends the entire song being an exhausted stage manager trying to keep everything under control and it’s not going well and I feel that. 

There’s a cat superhero called the Rumpus Cat. Yep.

The Jellicle Ball begins proper. There’s a lot of flirting and dancing and acrobatics and generally wild stuff for a good ten minutes. Generally it’s framed as Old Deuteronomy deciding which one of them gets to enter the Heaviside Layer through dance. What is his criteria for who gets to die? They never tell us. 

Anyway Victoria performs the mating dance with a cat named Plato/Admetus (again, Victoria and Quaxo/Mistoffelees are never together and they are siblings thank you very much). The orgy is real folks. We don’t talk about it. I think I watched this scene once when I was little (also when I say little I mean like 12/13) and then never again because it’s extremely awkward to watch. I would just skip right over it as soon as the music started getting slow and move on to Memory. This right here is the first time that I’m watching it in literal years. It’s still as awkward as it was then. 

There’s a cat named Jemima/Sillabub (a lot of these cats have multiple names/their names are different between productions/regions if you haven’t picked up on that already). She’s basically what they made Victoria into in the movie and is important for the plot. I don’t know why they focused in on Victoria when Jemima/Sillabub is right there. 

Gus the Theater Cat sings his song and I also cry every single time because Gus is the sweetest cat in the entire musical and I love him and also the song is sad as heck especially if you think about how this is an older man playing this role and talking about how his acting days are past him. There’s another musical number about one of Gus’s most famous roles but they didn’t put that into the 1998 movie because of budget issues and not having enough space on the set to do it anyway. 

I do not remember this moment but for about ten seconds a specter of Gus as his most famous character comes out, walks around menacingly, and then leaves and I DON’T REMEMBER THAT AT ALL. Anyway Gus follows it around because it’s his memory of his younger self and the heartbreak on his face when it disappears and the fact that this character cries at the end of the song and doesn’t even finish it shatters my entire heart. Gus has six minutes and then he leaves and we never see him again and sometimes I think about Gus and cry. 

So after breaking your soul with Gus we jump directly into Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat who is also a delight and from what I hear people in the movie really liked him too. If you like nothing else about Cats you have to agree that Skimbles is wonderful. 

Macavity the Mystery Cat is my second favorite song in the entire musical. Bombalurina/Taylor Swift and Demeter both perform it together (I listened to Taylor Swift’s version after I finished watching this and I am so mad that they cut Demeter out of it entirely because Demeter makes this song and she’s another one of my favorites). It’s the female power ballad of the entire musical and their voices/belting is sick as heck and also I used to have the choreography memorized on top of everything else. It’s implied that Demeter and Macavity used to be a thing before she escaped him. There are layers to this. 

Macavity tries to sneak back in dressed up as Old Deuteronomy but because Demeter is his old flame she sees right through it. The cats all fight and then Macavity escapes and is never mentioned again. We can safely assume that he does this every year.

My absolute favorite song in the entire musical/the first one I ever heard is Magical Mr. Mistoffelees. Tugger introduces him and sings most of the song. Mistoffelees actually doesn’t sing for the entire thing, it’s all Tugger. Tugger keeps singing about how Mistoffelees has a signature move called the ‘conjuring turn’ which on stage is twenty-four consecutive fouettés en tournant and it’s impressive as heck. Mistoffelees is one of the most demanding dance roles in the entire musical. Here’s the thing though, they don’t have the conjuring turn in the 1998 movie, the way that the music is cut we can assume that they filmed it and then it got cut or they lost the footage or something so for a long time I never saw it and then I looked it up and it was awesome. Anyway this is my cat son and I love him. 

Onstage Grizabella ascends to the Heaviside Layer in one of two ways: either by a staircase that descends from the ceiling, or (again I’m not making this up) in a flying saucer. If you’re still confused about the plot of Cats take the fact that they ascend to cat heaven on a UFO and go forth knowing that the answer to ‘What is Cats?’ has a legitimate answer of ‘Aliens’.

So that’s Cats. Namely the version that I hoped we were getting and that we were robbed off in favor of God-awful CGI and a lot of uncomfortable horniness (or at least more than there normally is in the actual show) and Rebel Wilson tearing off her skin. 

#cats #cats the musical #cats 1998 #the only version of cats that matters #be quiet sarah #i don't know how to end this post #i took an entire day of my life to write this post please appreciate my efforts #anyway #ok goodnight