#you can't repeat the past...

[fishandshesmygills]

everything is about reaching the ending except for the ending which is about wanting to go back to the start

#you can't repeat the past... #i can never go home... #we're all going forward. none of us are going back.

[kaaragen]

Props to Filoni, that episode worked really well at exploring Ahsoka and her past. And I'm claiming victory for my headcanon that Ahsoka deals with her trauma by fantasising about the Clone Wars as a great big adventure!

I think it's definitely correct that Ahsoka was seeing her past with adult eyes and realising how fucked up it was. Also, unlike Luke, she can't separate Anakin and Vader and can see the qualities of Anakin (his casual callousness and drive for victory) that lead to Vader. They make her nervous because she can remember that being in her as well, and is scared of what is passed into her.

But it's about accepting her past. When she's holding Anakin's red lightsabre, her eyes briefly flash yellow as she thinks about killing him, before deciding not to. She makes the opposite choice to Ben Solo's 'kill the past', by deciding to accept it, but not letting it define her. That what happened to her was fucked up, that Anakin was not the great guy she thought he was, but that doesn't have to consume her. By not killing it, she chooses not to let it have power over her. And because of that, she's able to truly move on from it.

Which is a nice way of illustrating the Jedi philosophy toward this.

#ahsoka series #ahsoka spoilers #ahsoka #if you kill the past you can't learn from it and just repeat it

[shinythingsarecool]

the deep primal urge to yell jhariah lyrics into the tumblr void

#if you can't tell #i have been listening to jhariah's songs on repeat for the past day or two #jhariah

[time-like-tears-in-rain]

you just can't replicate it. it was a different everything. you can't make a 70's scifi again, or a 60's scifi again, our acting styles have changed too much, our writing, our cameras, our photography. anything you try would be a shadow, a pastiche no matter how good of one it is, its going to lack the soul of the original, a bad clone with too much of the modern in its blood to be the original.

#this is about star trek #but i was thinking of a clone and soul metaphor and it made me angry about tentoo again #but yeah you can't repeat the past! #i hate it! i wish we had something so genuine again! #i loved this vibe!

[petercushing]

The way western leftists react and discuss Ukraine and the war made me realize that sometimes exposure is not useful and helpful at all. Sometimes it’s better to just shut the fuck up, in fact. If someone is unable to admit that Russia is commiting war crimes and genocide without mentioning all the other wars, NATO or the USA (to somehow downplay the seriousness of it) such voice is annoying/useless at best and incredibly harmful at worst. People who until february couldn’t even point where Ukraine lies on the map are trying to drop some hot takes that just make them sound like the most tonedeaf and ignorant pieces of shit. If you are unable to understand nuances and the reality of eastern/central Europe just stay quiet about it. Nobody needs your voice, thank you. Best thing such people can do is repost fundraisers (preferably with support for the Ukrainian army) and listen to others.

#ukraine #actually it made me finally understand why my voice doesn't matter when racism is being discussed #same mechanism #if you can't understand other people's experience just don't talk #my god how hard is that #at the beginning of the war i was shocked that so little americans talk about it but i finally get it #if you have nothing to say and don't even care or force yourself to care better stfu before you start repeating idiotic kremlin propaganda #this applies to everything btw #not just this war #also not talking to and not reading what americans have to say has felt like therapy for me #these past 3 months #ONE time i accidentaly went into an argument with some dumb fucker and he called me a nazi apologist lmao

[madhushala]

i want my room super organised and clean but my roommate sucks she's so filthy and pathetic it makes me want to kill myself

#i cannot do this alone im tired #past one year ive taken the incharge to clean the room everytime and all she ever replies when i want her help is #“im tired not right now” #i can't do this anymore i can't live in a dirty room with webs and floors with stains and hair lying around #i cannot settle her on this she doesn't care she never wants to have the conversation #ive grown around people who're innately always more hygienic than me and i can't live around someone who lives like a rat in sewer #and a looot of men are so unclean smelly weird #but neither my brother or friends or father who's actually been in defense so you can guess his obsession with cleanliness #and my bf who has the tidiest room in boys hostel washes his clothes aware about his breath nails his room is so #ugh where the fuck im stuck #how is one supposed to study in a place like this #oh guess it's not a problem for a her because she never fucking studies that's why she's repeating right #but im so so tired of only the doing it

[thormanick]

the text below is me analyzing a fandom headcanon as if it were a research topic. i apologize in advance, this is just how the idea of 'having fun' sits with me

on the topic of exploring things related to kaveh and alhaitham

A thought occurred to me today that with all the "reincarnation" headcanons i've seen people always say Alhaitham could've been the Scarlet King,

and I would like to suggest an alternative approach *nervous laughter* look this is jus an exploration of the headcanon, nothing serious. Anyways,

let me introduce the concept of kaveh, actually, being the said reincarnation. hear me out

sumeru has a lot of lore and i'm yet to grapple with all the things related to the Desert, but

If Scarlet king has the name of the Scarlet king it implies that there is. something Scarlet about him. And this is where I'm always stuck with Alhaitham: there is. nothing scarlet about him besides some eye coloration. Ok, not important. But when you explore the Mausoleum of King Deshret, you find that mural with the eye over the pyramid that looks uncanny similar to that of alhaitham. so, because the eye symbolizes the power of King Deshret, it might be easy to say 'ah yes. it does make sense, the Eye=Scarlet King=Alhaitham"

except (and this is where my inability to recall the lore comes in, so i might be completely off the topic at the end of the day) the Eye does not represent the Scarlet King. The Eye represents the Power of the Scarlet King, and when you ascend the Pyramid, you figure there is a messed-up IA driven machine [the one you normally fight in the smaller pyramid to the south]. And that machine was like. The pride and joy and all things good and proper when it came down to handling and running the place built by Scarlet King and his followers, like his right-hand man.

so in my analytical delusion i raise you a headcanon: this is what Alhaitham is. He is the re-incarnation [re-emergence? idk] of that very entity that at some point got corrupted. By that I do not mean that Alhaitham is somehow a robot, absolutely not: I just imply that in the new life he as a human possesses a number of traits and characteristics extremely similar to the one of the IA [managment, high productivity, analyzing and correcting the system, establishing the best possible order for the society, etc.] In other words, Alhaitham is the right hand of the Scarlet King and, I would argue, a figure of equal if not even more importance than the Scarlet King himself.

And Kaveh, in this case, could be the Scarlet King. First of all, I love when the color coordination checks out. is it subtle? absolutely not, but boy does it work wonders for me. Second of all,

because - and I make a huge leap here bc there is not really much information on how Kaveh operates outside of his direct connection to Alhaitham [as a scholar and an architect] - he is an inspired architect. He is someone that builds, that creates. And if we put down the Scarlet King's image to basic aspects,

what was he, if not a creator? a great architect, who built a society and glorious cities? this is- and the tragic irony about contemporary people thinking that King Deshret was a tyrant when in reality he was probably an incredibly passionate creator, wishing nothing but good to his people? It would also make sense with the forbidden knowledge thingy, because who but extremely driven (probably to the point of obsession) person would go out seeking knowledge so far and so otherworldly that they would in the end reach something that disrupts the laws of their own world? once again, the tragedy of it all??? willing to do good to the point it turns into evil where you could not foresee the consequences???

I just think there is something here. i just think this has some narrative potential

#if you engaged with this text i can't say enough thanks to you this is SO random #i would LOVE to see a fanfic where kaveh and alhaitham go onto exploring the past of the desert and reincarnation is indeed a thing #can be romantic can be platonic #and they both assume that alhaitham is the scarlet king when in reality it is the other way around #and the realization leads to them almost repeating the past cycle of their lives because both become a little too obsessed with what #they're supposed to do as 'reincarnations' and they are able to break out of it by instead forging their own paths #god i love stuff like this #genshin impact #afinna explores teyvat #genshin impact thoughts #genshin impact headcanon #genshin impact alhaitham #genshin impact kaveh

[mrpinchy]

jimmy fallon

#society has progressed past the need for jimmy fallon #i watched his show with my mom recently #stg i could feel my braincells dying #he's so fucking fake #he's so full of shit #and he thinks everything he does is comedy #every stupid thing #man doesn't know how to end a joke #like he just keeps repeating the punchline again and again #and he thinks it's so funny everytime #like it's supposed to get funnier each time you hear it #and the audience just has to sit there and take it lol #he makes a big deal talking to whoever he's talking to #acts like he's their bestest best friend #and it's just so insincere #every word out of his mouth #does he have friends? like real ones? #i can't imagine #hanging around someone like that #idk he annoys me so much lol #fuck you jimmy fallon

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i really do love practicing 🎻

#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears #but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up' #some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up #and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks #from time to time #but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :) #i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now. #i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice! #it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!! #i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me #i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later #i won't lose sight of that #<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat. #i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory #sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that #ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better! #life is like that i think #anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe

[buglaur]

character page tutorial when 😳

anon i'm so sorry my character page is held together by glitter glue and twigs. i don't actually know what any of the code means i just googled and wrote down what it said to do 😭 my best advice is to hope for a miracle

#my actual steps: #google html template and copy and paste that in #then google how to put an image in #then struggle for 40 minutes trying to get one image to show up #it'll eventually work so then add in a second image #that second image you add in will mess up the whole page and you'll struggle for 40 more minutes trying to fix it #repeat for each image #then try to add a button and have all your images disappear #spend 2 days fighting it over and over #then voila! #you have your character page #sorry i can't help #ask

[qualitative-decay]

the skip button,, is probably the one ending nick's narrator goes through, and doesn't make him do again.

it simply fucked him up Too much. enough that trying to fix or even understand his reaction,, the notion of going through it again is more distressing than any amount of internal inconsistency he could feel. and doesn't it make sense, anyway? that's a, that's a normal thing to have a strong reaction to, there's.... there's no need to look at it any closer! it's fine. he's fine.

nick, i think,, probably was starting to actually be more present, over the course of the memory zone?? it's something new, it's so different from the office, it's calming, nothing bad has happened to him yet. it's.... it's actually pretty nice.

and this side of his narrator,, feels like an echo of something he'd mostly forgotten. he... probably even has some emotions about that. somewhere in there.

even with the bad reviews & the unease he is starting to Actually feel in a more concrete sense, by the time they actually get to the skip button room, nick is more present than he's been in a long time, and he doesn't like it.

the first couple skips, he waits at Least until the narrator loops or goes silent.

the fourth skip, with the extended guilt trip, he gets stuck on.

(this, too, is an echo of something he'd mostly forgotten. before he understood how this worked, before he'd shut himself down so completely.

he just... he'd tried so hard to get through, avoid, go around, bypass in any way the barriers his narrator put up. it's not like it took him long to work out just where he was being forced to go. he didn't understand, and he didn't want to go back, he didn't think his narrator wanted him to go back there either! so why was he doing this, it hurt both of them, he's sorry, please just let him make it up to him, force him to go down any other route if he has to still take the choice away, just please don't make them go through this again please —)

he. actively tries to make himself dissociate again, during that segment. he doesn't want to do any of this. he knows that would make it easier. his skin is crawling with that fear he felt the First time his narrator forced him to hurt both of them, and he can't figure out how to make it stop.

he is very, very familiar with only having one path forward by now.

forcing himself to move past that skip, does prove to be a breaking point for nick; the parallel is too much. the, he's going to make me do this again, he's going to make both of us do this over and over and over until he's satisfied, is too much.

by the time the reset hits & that doesn't happen? he's too far back under the static to even feel relieved.

#repeat and write this story #me‚ making any character ever: here let me just give you an issue or five of mine :) here let me just turn up the dial on those for you :) #his narrator in the middle of that fourth skip denying as hard as he can that he's seething over nick waiting #and Not taking the option to hurt him #when for the past [????] [temporal units] he hasn't shown any such hesitation #(or yknow. much of anything at all.) #(sure he took nick's choices away but! nick still hurt him!! that can't be his OWN fault that would be absurd!!!!)

[snonkerdoodledreams]

why can't she see that

i am struggling within

because of her

why cannot she see

her actions' consequences

exist and are real

why can't she see me

being damaged day by day

from her screaming and

why doesn't she know

what she is doing to me

is wrong and hurtful

her emotional immaturity

is just a gratuity

her codependence and brutality

is nothing more than a legality

i have the names of these problems now

but that ain't making nothing right

all i wanted when i was a girl

was to be tucked in normally and told goodnight

sometimes i still wonder

why shit has to be this way

and then i tell myself

"it's just for this day"

tomorrow she'll be normal

tomorrow she'll apologize

tomorrow she'll go about usual

tomorrow she won't agonize

saying the things you said to me

is not right, it leaves a bite

and it still isn't okay to say these things

and then go about as if everything's right

because when you do it over and over

to everyone you've ever known

it leaves a lasting scar and damage

words are engraved in stone

#thinking before speaking is important everyone don't forget that #and apologizing doesn't make everything right immediately #it takes time to rebuild a relationship after saying really hurtful things to the other party #you can't just say “i didn't mean it” and then go on like usual and then the next time you get angry the cycle repeats #life doesn't work that way #i wish she were able to see the problems she had and tried to fix them #i wish she'd be able to listen and not cut people out when they attempt to tell her she has a problem #i wish she were able to get past her stigma regarding mental help so that she can get the help she needs to heal #it would be nice to have a mother #because her immaturity prevents her from acting like one #emotional abuse #dysfunctional family #toxic #mental health #tw #poetry #sad poetry #haiku

[oculusxcaro]

One of the things that hurts Khare the most isn't so much the eyes and teeth growing in her flesh but rather her memory issues, how easily she forgets things and struggles with the most basic tasks. Her IQ wasn't impressive before getting experimented on but she lived independently and picked up a range of skills from doing so along with working many odd jobs back in Hull. It's immensely frustrating - and upsetting - to her when it takes so long to learn what should be a simple thing.

#🌈 || musings #🌈 || headcanons #Okay the eyes and teeth are a little upsetting but you get used to them after a while #Covering them up and scraping them off every couple of days is managable #It's the impact the injections had on her brain that's most upsetting #Trying to remember the right way to spell certain words and phrases #Struggling to repeat a task when she nailed it before #Now she struggles doing even the simplest things and it takes so much effort #Fortunately Pauli and everybody else at the diner are patient and she's able to function well enough but #It's still upsetting like she could DO all this so easily before and now she can barely remember what her own mother looks and sounds like #Would she even recognize her if she walked past on the same street? #How long until she forgets another important thing? #As her body mutates she gets harder and harder to kill but that IQ is dropping as a result #She KNOWS she's not dumb but can't help it #Rorschach helping her retain her memory and correct spelling by playing Scrabble tho <3 #OKAY just one more doubleshift tonight then I'm FREEEEEEEEEEE #Hours should be bback to normal next week but I'm not holding my breath #Ah well I'll be happy for a day off tomorrow regardless #Sorry sorry to have been so quiet and lacking activity I am just tired :(

[shinysteph]

Cannot sleep because kidneys hurt so bad!!!

#i have had a uti all week and it has been a nightmare getting antibiotics for it! #i called my doctor's office on tuesday and told them HEY I THINK I HAVE A UTI #and in the past they have always been like np just pee in a cup and we'll send it to the lab and start you on meds all in the same day #but not this time #no they made me go to the lab and then wait until the results came back #and then they called on thursday saying you're results were negative you don't have a uti #and i said oh yes i do i have a bunch of symptoms and am in a lot of pain! and they said just drink a lot of water and call back next week #so i made an appointment with the pharmacy bc they can give you antibiotics for utis without a doctor #but then they said they can't because i'm on immunosuppressive drugs which makes it more complicated (fair) #this happened yesterday #but all day yesterday i had twrrible kidney pain which is what i was afraid would happen!!!!!!!! #so i went to urgent care and they did another urine test and FINALLY gave me a prescription for antibiotics (yay!) #but i can't fill it until i get the urine culture results back and they have to be positive so i am cryong in agony #but also guess what #i downloaded the app to look at my test results and saw the results of that first urine culture #and IT'S NOT NEGATIVE #it says SUGGEST REPEAT SPECIMEN COLLECTING AND TESTING IF PATIENT'S SYMPTOMS INDICATE A URINARY TRACT INFECTION #THAT IS NOT A NEGATIVE #so now i'm in so much pain i might not even wait until that second culture resulg comes in i'm just goina to fill that prescription #i don't want to get sepsis #my posts

[imagine-nerd]

Something something the same as it ever was

#genshin impact #genshin #Oh boy! Can't wait to add to this again in a year when we have the exact same thing happen in Fontaine!! #That last tag was a joke (fingers crossed) #If I have to bring back my other meme about the sacred sakura still being capped it is sure history will end up repeating itself #Plz I just like getting the rewards it's so satisfying to just be like hehehe I leveled up and unlocked more :3 #Like I know hyv trying to keep pacing their content and such but also *looks at all the past event stories* priorities?? Maybe? #Which is me saying I think it's stupid that there is so much of the game new players will never get to experience or even see #Like with the whole scara appearing in the inazuma story like how much of the game's player base even got to experience scara in 1.1? #The original gga event and it's storyline and the chasm quest storyline with yelan and xiao and both albedo events #Sure there's a bunch of stuff to experience if youre jsut now trying genshin or have picked it up somewhere along the way #But there's so much that's been locked in the past now and unless you were there you'll never get to experience it #Like the Diluc event - sure I could go read everything about it on the wiki if I really wanted to know what happened #But its different playing it yourself #At least I think so #I just think it's stupid of them to not allow newer players to experience those stories like forget the specific event weapons #Idk how to really put it into words and I'm just rambling now #But yeah

[sysig]

This sketchdump does not want to save

#I mean yeah I have a little overstuffed but geez #I'm at 63 and still climbing....... #And a couple of those are doubled up haha #Anyway not the point! #I have to go in and paste one picture - save and exit - and then repeat about five times just for it to load once #And no refreshing the page does nothing #It /might/ reset something but I couldn't tell you what and it's extremely unpredictable and can't be counted on #It doesn't even like loading text or edits to text I actually had to get a new image to paste (after ~7 times) to get italics to work #On a single word #Hgggg I'm not looking forward to finishing this off it's like trying to build on top of dominoes that are already falling #But once it's done it's done I just have to remember that #Vargas