#you dont uunderstand

[yanderespamton78]

AJDJSOAJW I MADE MY SPAMTON PLUSH THE DEFRAG OUTFIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'm so normal. About. This comicc

Yes

Defragmentation by @zarla-s go read it if you haven't rjkwsjdkdhkash

#a #im gonna use the tags to just gush about defrag #like #you dont uunderstand #i dont even know hwy i like the comic so much im not like this about other deltarune fancomics n stuff #im just so rabid about it aa #i remember when i first found the dub i was just glad to find a comic dub that was longer than 5 mins #little did i know that this was the beginning of a defrag fixation which lasted for like a month and a half #i think defrag is like 70% of the reason why my spamton obsession has gone on for so long lmao #god i used to read it so much there was a time that i could quote it word for word up to the like 20th jesus #im not quite as insane now #also GOD I HATE SEWING #im so bad at it #i had to get my grandma to help me since she is good at sewing #she did most of it lmao i did some of the stitching tho #aa im so normal about him #oops nearly forgot to do fandom tags lmao #spamton #spamton deltarune #spamton g spamton #deltarune spamton #defragmentation #defragmentation au #spamton plush

[seafoam-taide]

the characters in that last post i reblogged were the ones in the original soldier poet king animation meme

#tide of consciousness #please imagine me saying this slack jawed and in shock because thats how i feel what the fuck #that. thats how i discovered my favorite band of all time. you dont uunderstand. grabs you

[nishibai]

btw i have nooo idea my relationship with any of you. i dont uunderstand friendship. even if we have been talking for weeks + are close i still dont know if we are just. associates. or whatever. are wwe friends

#nishi thinking.. #this is probably because of my assumption that in order to be friends with someone i have to Earn It. but oh well

[tigerlily562]

you dont uunderstand im fighitng for my life trying to draw this 4/13 art

[superchat]

i look back at my programming languages class with lots of memories of dread and lots of "i dont understand this it doesnt make sense it doesnt make sense how is everyone else making progress its due in two days" etc etc etc etc.

my proff would give us a test case file that would run our code and test it for various things to make sure it worked, thered be like 300 various test cases and he wouldnt accept it if our code failed any one of them (uunderstandably tbh)

lots of struggling to get a lexer to pass any test cases, or one time we had to make the vector class in C++ using pointers and shit and had to handle all of the member functions it ourselves and just things like that.

but i will say, very few things in life can hit me with the euphoria of struggling to get your code to pass ANYthing, and then you see the one thing where a member function doesnt properly account for like, passing in a value or something and you add a couple lines of code to it and the entire code passes the whole test file

like, that shit felt really fucking good.

[im-so-chill-with-you]

June 2 2022

I just don't like it when you compare us, like, my rational self knows you don't mean it that way but my bpd brain takes offense on that. i'm not selosa nga, but I am insecure, I have little to no self-worth sometimes and a god complex the next, that's just how I work, that's what comes with dating me. I have fluctuating self-image and unstable mental health so sometimes I can't control it. I make the conscious effort of not getting jealous, but it's not the same with insecurity. i'm constantly trying not to burden you with my mental health, but it's gonna affect us at some point, so it's good lang that you know :<

it's okay, I know you didn't mean it that way, it was just said in passing and if you had said it about anyone else I probably wouldn't have even noticed, but it just so happened to be someone you dated. I try to reason my way out of it, but my mind just hyperfixates on it sometimes, it's not even a big deal. when that happens, the fucked up side of me thinks that you're only with me because it didn't work out with them. I didn't think I have abandonment issues but it's part of the symptoms lol

===================

I'm sorry you felt that way whenever I make sum kwento na naging comparison pla. Medj naalala ko nga ung ibang kwento ko, yeahh it seems ganun nga nangyyari instead of just making sum kwento. Naappreciate ko ung effort mo on trying not to burden me with ur mental health. I dont have the full overview of what your other side thinks of but im willing to understand. From the start naman, namention mo about ur mental health, so I know it's gonna affect our rs at sum point. Pero ano haaa, it doesnt mean naman na u have to keep hesitating to share about it. If u r bothered with anything, just let me know. I dont mind if we will keep talking about it. Or even if I have to always assure you. Kasi gusto ko din naman un. I want you to always assure you that I choose you not just before of the past, but I choose you cuz I knew right then that I love you.

Na uunderstand ko din ung part na inoverthink mo before, i think that was ung nakwento mo kay alaine no? Yeah there were ppl in my life before you. They didnt work out cuz of a lot of reasons. I think I was trying to let you know from my kwento that i wanted to make it right this time cuz i dont wanna lose you. Life fucks me up a lot of times and nakakagawa din ako ng mga bagay na wrong move kaya prang gsto ko lang din mabanggit un pra maiwasan ko i guess?? . Pero ayon, Im still sorry cuz I kept telling/sharing you about that lalo na iba ka and iba ung ngayon. It's also way na din siguro on how I appreciate what is right now kasi may maccompare ako sa before? Rawr yeah maybe ganon nga. Sorry uli babii.

Thoo ayun babii. I will also understand if u wish not to share whenever u have thoughts din. Since sabi mo, u dont want me to put sa position na un. Whichever works better for both of us hehe. Thank you for sharing this one nehhh. Gaah 🥺🥺 I love you baby.

==========

YEahhhhh based on my reply it seems I havent thought about it deeper like im so unable to think like I was just tulala most of the time kasi hindi ko alam kung pano ako magrrespond. I try to build so much focus kasi I was distracted maybe un nga ung not in my right headspace. She was still mad after that.

#060222 #june2022 #2022 #convo #chat #deeptalk #openforum

[potetoenjoyer]

ppl always make mafuyu out to be ~soft depression vibes~ like u dont uunderstand even a little bit. she threatens to kill her friends for procrastinating. she demands the vocaloids in her mind prison to sing for her. she doesnt understand emotions she has no sense of taste she does archery barefoot in winter shes insane shes fucked up shes like if the joker was an anime girl. do you get it do you understand

#shes a freak shes a weirdo she doesnt belong her #or however that song goes #mmmm my meds are working bed time night night

[transgenderer]

the frustrating thing about ultrafinitists is like...they seem to rely on this platonic view of math, but they dont seem to understand they have a platonic view of math? like, when arguing for their position their (if you can call it that) motte is like “infinite mathematics is incoherent, because the concept of infinity is incoherent” but their bailey is “the discrete necklace view of the real line is the REAL real line”, where its clear that even if the continuous real line isnt inconsistent in terms of symbol-manipulation, its somehow fundamentally *wrong*. like...i mean, they generally dont argue that infinite math is like, contradictory or something, they just think its...wrong? in some inexpressible way? and like, what is your view of math that a non-contradictory set of rules can be wrong. like, they KNOW you can define two different consistent axiom-sets. the only view of math where some self-consistent ruleset can be the “wrong” one is i guess one that poorly models reality (and this is a pretty silly definition of wrong, but at least i uunderstand it), but clearly the real numbers dont do that, so the problem is...? i have no idea

#.smxt

[will-i-everape-my-despair]

my life

okay where to begin  when i was young or when i wasnt?

alright ill start from the beggining 

it wasnt a great life

well not ideal anyways 

when i was born i almost died, my mother was diagnosed with post natal depression in spain, yeah i was born there ....when having to move to australia because spain isnt good with that sorta support .......my dad said he would come 

he lied

he cheated on my mother and decided to marry someone else, meanwhile my mother braught her one and only daughter with her, me 

i loved my mother because everyone else didnt like me , or atleast because of my mental contition they thaught i wasnt worth anything , i became dependent , and knew a world where you wernt huged nor kissed often, you had to grow up fast or youll be left behind .....mum helped of course but .....idk i wasnt an easy child to take care of , i didnt understand most things like love, respect ect i.....i dint understand emotions , she had to teach me to emote and to sleep, at least thats what she said 

when i first moved it was an expierience but , from then on my scheduales got stricter and my mother would get violent for no reason i thaught , i didnt uunderstand why she got so mad , i wasnt the best child but i never knew why

she hit me pulled my hair blackmailed me berated me ABUSED me 

and yet 

i still loved her , because when all you are taught was despair .......how can you see it as bad?,

expecialy when the world was against you 

======

i moved schools , into a new area  it was fun....i was scared at first ....and it was also my first taste of hope  i prefferred school over home  why? well....my family aint the best  i was often the scapegoat for my cousins actions , which just made the family hate us more ......except my grandparents  i was either sheltered , or mum just didnt have time to teach me idk  but my aunties not my mother would take care of me....when i was very very sick .....mum had to work 

from here it gets fuzzy 

i only remember a few things , when i was sick being forced to go to school, we never celebrated halloween like ever , i didnt do my homework because i would weasel out of it , and for the longest time i felt well.....sick .....inside or outside no idea i thaught is was depression, mum asked me why i feel like that and said then i dont have it 

====

we moved again 

more like we got kicked out 

and then

from there

mum only got

WORSE

we moved into someone named tonys house .....he was....to put it simply, a piece of shit , how mum fell in love is BEYOND me  he....liked to make mum mad....and sick her on me by running out of the house  from here ........i developed insomnia , my pillow was more full of tears than dreams , and tbh i had horrible nightmares , when i told mum she didnt look concerned.....well her eyes never showed it not that i knew ......i was .....always medicated but .......this was new i felt 

lost broken void emotionless empty expecialy after my cousin made me his little prostitute

still i was expected to work, my hair that used to shine like gold in the sun....lost all of it and my hair started turning white , i have more grey hairs than the average teen my sparkle was long gone....and i hid myself in the world of my mind and technology, eye baggs were visible and i dint do anything heh kinda like now.....i went to tutoring....i avoided work like the plauge  around this time however mum told me about her old faith....Jehovas Witness  i was sure why not  i at first ....it seemed so lovely  and i actively participated at this point i was in high school ... the family was in conflict...and school wasnt much better  then came....the dreaded ......scrunchie incident did i mention i was never left alone at home? because i was in highschool and still going to day care well i made friends in this little toddlers day care and well...i was invited to a party.....i just had a shower and lost the scrunchie i always wore and still do wear mum became enraged pulling my ears my hair making me hyperventilate ...i might of died no idea thank god abuello saved me  after a while of tonys bs, and becoming completely dead inside i....we moved again  i was still a JW but then......i became less trustfull of anything and anyone ....i looked at it .....and saw how condtradictory it was  i saw how bad the school system really was .....the more i searched on the net the more i learnt .....and the more i learnt the more i knew...

something was WRONG 

then last year in yr 10 maths......is the devil...expecaily the advanced stuff ....lets just say school wasnt safe anymore and math class made me pass out due to stress mum would hit me over homework, or throw my books in fits of rage then told me its YOUR FAULT i do this , YOUR FAULT that im breaking jehovas laws! and i actualy faught back after she nearly bashed my head in ..........i .....the iron my grandma died two years ago

english class wasnt too bad, but this one asssignment mum re wrote the whole thing ..........because “it didnt make sense “  i told her to shove it and not to be infolved in my work anymore

 i hate school the***pists ......i was overwhelmed......and at the end of the year i ......broke.....BAD....i told all my fellow classmates everything i had experienced........................to come home.....get called by my mother......and get yelled at .....over the phone.....for telling the truth......not because she was scared for me.....but because of her reputation.....she yelled at me and berated me.....i was still breaking and in a flash a thaught  one single thing “would anyone care if i died?” “if i died would mum be happy and free from me” “maybe i should go im a waste”  

i grabbed a knife  held it to my chest and couldnt do it  i thaught of my family, my friends and how they might feel

only to get berating texts and yelled at by my auntie  

then......yr 11 poped up  and the acedemic sprang into place  ....mum and i ......dont ....arent.....we arent compatible i found out after this  it was online work....my ADHD ass couldnt DO that....and what was worse my alters made themselves KNOWN ha  ha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA killer kit my mother with a bottle and she whined of how i could of killed her....i distrusted him after that  i cried in the kitchen...laughing like a phycho  ... .................. ............................ and they were very distracting towards my work....which is what CAUSED that in the first place  term 2  well i found a friend group on line  they are angles  really they are 

tbh before yr 11 i was a bit better  but now i had well ALOT of appointments that i dint want  that didnt help  and the kids ......liked making me scared  term three is now  my grandpa died i finnaly cut myself off the JW  i told mum how i felt , the truth like she WANTED  she told me im spinning things that im abusive that shes a servant  i know i dont do much.....but my boddy is broken....i dont have motivation  and this place keeps me sane  and  alive one more year in the chambers of despair  and when that year is up the frail angel that lost her wings will be given the power  to soar to hope once again 

#idk #look this is a depressing blog #tw abuse #tw suicide #tw death #tw despair #will i ever excape? #or am i forever destined to live in despair

[doctors-and-dealers]

OK U GUYS DONT UUNDERSTAND THE POWER OF GHIASCI . PESCI IS JUST A FUNNY LITTLE MAN HES JUST NCIE BUT HE ALSO IS EVIL u know bc. la squadra stuff AND GHIACCIO IS ANGRY LITTLE MAN BUT HE SHOWS THAT HE CARES SOMETIMES SO. YOU GET ME?????? YEAH????? YEAH??? YOU GET ME? I AM SORRY I AM HAVING A MOMENT IM GETTIMG EMOTIONAL OVER THESE TWO THEYRE JUST...PERFECT TOGETHER.

[reallygottaremebermypasswords]

even now faimnath i sit her ewher eim liek you dont wnat me or co you caus eim like you keep caslling me sad and be happy and you sit her ejust like everytime you play JEax dean im like does she mean in agood way where she finally uunderstand my emtion or is she doign it in a bad way wher eim like i sit her efor month and months on end making plans with you i give a fuck if the coummnity know s becaus eim like cant do it without you and then you take that liek oh he wanst to be mammied??

really?

[winking]

another opinion bc im sad

honestly i understand people not wanting to stan wanna one bc like...uunderstandable NDKJE but peoples perception of them r so ugly... like...ndkjw i dont understand hating them for no reason???? idk why some of u see them as boring guys who got famous but dont rlly deserve it like chill, i dont kno how to explain like people rlly think of them like this.  Obviously, it��s very biased of me to think they’re so great or whatever. Hmm, I don’t know man I just love them all so much and it really irritates me when you’re judging them over a picture like literally their face but know absolutely nothing of them! And like I’m not saying hey go stan them if you don’t like their music then that’s fine dnewjk but … I don’t know its not that deep but look at me go. Anyway I love really love wanna one so much 😊 and im so glad they won, I just really appreciate them a lot. LEMME JUST TALK ABOUT ALL OF THEM BC IM GRATEFUL!!! DANIEL UMM I KNO WE HAD SOME ROCKY TIMES BUT LOOK AT US NOW UR DEF AT LEAST MY 7TH I know I didn’t like Daniel that much during produce but im really grateful for everything he has done for wanna one… kang Daniel ah…even though you steal everyones spotlight youre rlly hardworking and humble ur great keep making everyone love u…. jihoon pleas im so glad u winked or else I would have not watched pd101 I remember I didn’t want to go through ioi p2 ndekjw but I really did fall in love with him and im glad… thank u jihoon honestly jihoon might be my w1 bias again… DAEHWI MY BEST FRIEND SOULMATE HE IS SO CUTE IM SO SORRY PEOPLE SEXUALIZE U SO MUCH U DON’T DESERVE IT IM SO SORRY U WENT THROUGH SO MUCH DURING PRODUCE IM SO SORRY UR STILL NOT GETTING THE LOVE U DESERVE EVEN AFTER DEBUTING I LOVE U PLEASE BE JUST AS BRIGHT IN THE FUTURE!!!!! WANNA ONE WOULD NOT BE WANNA ONE WITHOUT YOU…….huh who was fourth …..seongwoo NDSJWNJ WOOJIN?? I RLLY FORGOT THE ORDER……ILL GO BACKWORDS…sungwoon… loml… honestly he grew on me so much.. im so glad he debuted he has the best sweetest voice in wanna one you deserve all of the success youre getting with wanna one, he cried… getting the award even though hes never cried pleas soft… bae jinyoung….. I love u <3 … one of the best dancers in wanna one, has a super unique voice,,, pleas steal daniels place… this is getting too long pls.. who was after jisung or minhyun.. minhyun I kno Kathryn doesn’t like u and I didn’t rlly care much abt u either but I rlly like how much u take care of the younger members ur really sweet I saw u won mama whatever that meant… idk but u deserve it please make everyone love u! jisung pleas all I can think abt is crying fnekjnew im glad u were able to debut live ur dream.. I wanna stop NDKEJN JAEHWAN SWEETIE IM SORRY U STINK BUT UR VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL FKEJNFG GUANLIN BABY FACE IK PEOPLE SAY U SHOULDN’T HAV DEBUTED TOO BAD U DEBUTED AND UR RLLY COOL CANT WAIT TILL U RULE THE WORLD I FORGOT SEONGWOO AND WOOJIN I THINK…………. I LOVE U ALL I LOVE THEM ALL EQUALLY I SAY BAEJIN IS MY BIAS BUT THAT’S FAKE DNEWKJN

[mental-health-advice]

(1/2)I was an excellent student till tenth grade. Got a 95 percentage in my finals, always topped school exams, got excellent marks. Now im in twelfth grade, my finals are four months away and if i dont get above 90 percentage i won't get admission to a good college. But over the past two years, ive deteriorated suddenly. I struggle to pass, i try so hard, but i still dont manage to score like i used to. I look at my classmates, going ahead of me, and here i am struggling with my anxiety.

(2/2)my parenta dontuunderstand, they say that i have destroyed myself, become interested in otherthings, not studying, they say that i wont get admissin a gpod college, theysay that theyv given up on me. I dont know wnats happening to me, i want tostop this, i want to be the same again, im tired pf this.

Hey there,

I’m sorry to hear that overtime your grads have gotten worse. It sounds like though that you have a lotgoing on for you right now and especially with your mental health and morespecifically your anxiety. I want you to know though that whatever happens withyour final exams, your scores are not a reflection on who you really are and theyalso will not stop you from achieving anything that you want to do in life.Remember that anything is possible as long as you believe in yourself and doyour very best!

Anxiety can make thingsreally hard at times and especially when you are already struggling with otherthings in your life. I’m so sorry that you have been deteriorating a lot overthe past few years and consequently this affecting your overall marks. It’s soimportant to know though that there is help out there for you if you choose toget it and you also may be able to get some sort of special consideration whenit comes to you sitting your finals. Due to this I think it would be verybeneficial to speak to someone at school and just see what is out there andwhat you may be able to get to help to support you through this really hard andstressful time. What do you think?

In regards to yourparents not understanding and saying that you have destroyed yourself, try tonot let this get to you. I know it’s hard to do this and especially as they areyour parents and you live with them so see them all the time, but you are somuch more than what they say and even you at times can see. I mean yes thingsaren’t great right now but we can do and be anything in life and in the endthings will work out for the best I can promise you that!

Are you currentlyreceiving any professional help like seeing a therapist? If not then it may behelpful for you to do so and especially as it will help build your confidenceup and your self-esteem. Seeing a therapist may also be helpful because youwill have someone who you can talk to ongoing about what you are facing andgoing through in life. I also want you to know that you can also contact ahelpline or try web counselling if that is easier for you. If you click hereyou can read our page on getting help which you may find helpful to read.

Overall though, hang inthere and keep doing what you can and trying your hardest. Try to speak tosomeone at school in regards to special consideration and try not to focus toomuch on what your parents are saying to you. Please also know that you are notalone and so do not have to go through this alone either!

I wish you all the bestfor your finals and hope that you do the best you can. Remember that the final scoreswill not impact on your life and stop you from doing what you want to do inlife, there is always another way to get to where you want to be!

I’m thinking of you!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #school #grades #finals