#you’re the ones who didn’t stop them

[edenfenixblogs]

I don’t think most non-Jews understand how disappointed we are in the left right now. How completely abandoned we’ve become. How our contributions to progress for other groups have been erased or disavowed or hidden. How the actual tangible things that Jews have contributed to black rights and civil rights are being ignored. How we’re being told we contribute and have contributed nothing.

How we are being told that the world has been kind to us when it never has. As if my mom didn’t grow up getting called a Kike and getting beat up for being Jewish. How I thought I had friends until I caught them saying “xyz was beautiful until Jews showed up.” How people told me I was pretty “for a Jew.” How I grew up hearing stories about bombs being set off in Israel in buses and markets. How I couldn’t even go two weeks without hearing that and how nobody cared and somehow, every time that happened, the whole world became more hostile to me for some reason.

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand what leftists are doing. Or why. I hate that I have to say—of course, I support a free and self determined Palestine (which I truly do)—in order for you to decide I’m worthy of care and support.

We showed up for you. All of you. And the entire movement is abandoning us at best or targeting us at worst. Celebrating our deaths. Saying we deserved it. How are we supposed to trust you ever again? How are we supposed to feel safe ever again?

A very few select people who are in my life have taken the chance to actually learn about and dismantle their own unconscious antisemitism during this time. And I’m eternally grateful for them. But most people haven’t reached out at all. Most people are still sharing hateful things that could get me hurt and they don’t care. Most people Reblogging my posts are still Jews. Because we are alone. And it sucks. You need to be as loud about antisemitism as you are about Palestine or you’re an antisemite (unless you’re Arab/Muslim/Palestinian—I totally get that these groups are also doing damage control in their own communities just like Jews are).

But we are all in tremendous pain right now.

This moment will pass. And when it does, I will remember how many people let me down. I will remember that when I needed support more than I’ve ever needed it in my life, people fucking vanished. They pretended violence against my people wasn’t happening. They ignored and rewrote the history of Israel to suit their own narratives.

You don’t know what it feels like to be hated this much for opposite things. PoC hate us for being too white. White supremacists hate us for not being white enough. Europeans hate us for being middle eastern. Middle easterners hate us for being western/European. Everyone hates us for being settlers but continually kicks us out of their countries so that we have to settle somewhere else.

I saw a post going around from a Black person who said that the reason he and his fellow black activists go protest for Palestinians instead of fighting antisemitism (as if it’s a binary, which it’s not) is that Jews don’t show up. Muslims and Palestinians do. And honestly? Fuck that guy. Heather Heyer died standing shoulder to shoulder against racism in 2017. [CORRECTION: When I first wrote this post I was under the impression that Heather Heyer was Jewish. I want to correct to avoid spreading misinfo. She was just the first (and incorrect) Jewish civil rights activist I thought of. However there are plenty of other actual Jewish civil rights activists to choose from. If you have reblogged this post from me, please feel free to add a link to the permalink version of this post with my correction to your reblog.]I have devoted substantial time and effort and money that I don’t even get paid a lot of because I don’t get paid a living wage. I have continually reached out to PoC people in my life of all religions to ask how they are doing and what I could be doing to help more—both for them personally and how they would best like me to help their community. I have elevated their voices at every opportunity. And not one person I checked in with has done the same for me or for my community.

And it’s bone chilling. It’s awful. And it’s even worse knowing that when it’s over, people will want to go back to normal. They won’t apologize. They won’t self reflect. They’ll just live their lives, maybe a little more aware of how much they hate us and completely indifferent to the harm they’ve caused us. How disposable they made us feel. And the thing is…it’s not hard for you to know. You just have to ask.

Too many people are cowards. Too many people care about looking good than actually learning something or making the world better. And to those people: you should be ashamed of yourself.

I don’t have any hate in my heart. Truly. Not a drop for any group of people. But I have a tremendous lack of trust that anyone would actually lift a finger to keep me safe.

#antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #anti zionisim #I dare a goy to republic this challenge #goyim ID yourself in the tags if you reblog this #cuz i straight up don’t believe goyisch activists give a shit unless they straight up say they do #i’m not okay #honestly #this is the Nazi stuff I am most scared of #sure the Nazis rounded us up #but you fuckers were the ones who watched and did nothing #you’re the ones who voted the Nazis in #you’re the ones who didn’t stop them #fuck all y’all for real #i/p #israel #palestine #correction issued

[knowlesian]

gonna snap one day and run through the halls of media critique screaming A PLOTHOLE IS NOT WHEN THERE IS AN EASILY EXTRAPOLATED AND OBVIOUS ANSWER TO A QUESTION THAT THE WRITERS DID NOT THINK EVEN NEEDED TO BE EXPLAINED OUT LOUD BECAUSE THEY EXPECTED YOU TO USE YOUR BRAIN JUST A L I T T L E

#i swear to god this is going to make me lose my mind #“um they didn’t show us how this character who has access to multiple forms of transportation travelled a short distance to get to a place” #motherfucker unless there’s a reason they shouldn’t be able to travel that’s not a plothole #you’re being a nitpicky cinemasins trained dumbass who actively seeks to make stories worse??? STOP IT #don’t even get me started on how another lane here is people who just don’t pay attention to media #and then go “well how could i be expected to remember things in a story they should simply reexplain everything to me every single episode” #fuck ooooooooffffff #today’s annoyance brought to you by “why isn’t taissa at her job being a state senator” (because she hasn’t been sworn in yet ftlog) #and “how could people arrive at the same destination at roughly the same time after leaving at different times???” #when the answer is TWO OF THEM DROVE FROM OHIO TO UPSTATE NY AND THE OTHER FROM JERSEY #ONE DRIVE TOOK LONGER! BECAUSE OHIO IS FARTHER AWAY? LITERALLY THIS IS HOW GEOGRAPHY WORKS

[phantom-does-a-thing]

It’s almost worse knowing they hurt me unintentionally because I don’t have any right to hate them. It was an accident, they didn’t know, but still I have breakdowns at the mention of them and they don’t even know.

#I haven’t talked to them in months #and by god I don’t want to talk to them again #because it hurts So Bad #and I’m not even in the right to hate them bc they didn’t do it on purpose #I’d rather them do it on purpose because then I could hate them #because I’m angry and upset and I had a panic attack last night about it #this person who probably doesn’t even think about me for a second #and they’re constantly in my mind making me feel like crap #that’s not fair #I hope my name is never in their thoughts again and I hope they always wonder why I stopped talking to them #I wanted closure before but it’s too late for that because it’s been long enough that #wtf would I even say? #you hurt me. you abandoned me? but I’m the one that stopped talking #it felt like you abandoned me and I didn’t have the energy to keep up a one sided talk #when I know there were people who would talk to me #I know you’re busy. but at least something would be nice #I’m needy. and clingy. and I KNOW that #but still. it hurts because it’s like everything I always get left behind and they’re the PRIME example of that #I don’t even know why they hurt me so bad #maybe it was because it was someone I trusted completely #someone that I was closest to above all else above everyone else #I trusted them. I loved them. we talked about getting to meet up one day #but I hope that when they come up here I am Long Gone and they never think of me again #I trusted them enough they knew my state. I trusted them with parts of myself I barely trusted anyone else with #and the absence hurt like hell #and there wasn’t even one big event to break it off #just a slow deterioration in anxiety and stress that sometimes bubbled up in a message #but I always kneecapped the conversation because never was a good time to have it #and then just no more messages #I should block them. but I don’t want to ruin all the messages we had

[saturnsorbits]

Monoma doesn’t know who he is…

While all the kids where busy getting their quirks and discovering things about themselves, Monoma found out that he’d only ever be as good as what he could steal… Learned that his quirk, quite literally, was to become something else, someone else: someone better.

It’s hard, learning that you’re not really you, but always part something more. He never really understood it, but life was always there to teach him not to question it.

He was taught this on the playground when he could only overcome a bully by stealing his levitation quirk. Had it beaten into him when new friends would ask to see his quirk and he just… Couldn’t, because he hadn’t copied anything for a while. At first he made excuses and tried to explain, but no-one is interested in being stolen from in theory or in practice.

So, screw him if he learned to deal with the fact that on his own he is nothing more than his ability to steal. Fuck him, for becoming harsh, for beginning to transform into the thing everyone else had already decided he would be…

#Marquie has me thinking so I’m climbing out of my Monoma-fucker box for a hot second… #I just think he’s a prick because he’s had to deal with so much shit; y’know? #Quirks; in essence; are an extension of one’s-self - so I can understand how someone ‘stealing/copying’ that would be uncomfortable. #Plus; kids are arseholes and I refuse to believe he didn’t fall victim to the ‘Ew you’re just copying me’ individualism argument. #So… At some point; he stopped caring. #Stopping trying to create his own identity in the ashes of everyone else’s… And just became what was expected of him. #And if it was expected for him to become a prick - Well; he guessed that was who he was. #(I think this is why he draws a super interesting contrast to Bakugo and Shinso… #Bakugo bc; One: We all saw how hot that scene was when he copied Bakugo’s quirk for the first time during the sports festival… #That was sexy shit. Don’t lie to yourself. Love him or hate him. That was fucking delicious; but anyway - #Bakugo is naturally brilliant and strong; embodies his quirk perfectly and he’s so fucking ungrateful - #it’s a wonderful contrast to Monoma who is ill-fitted to everyone else’s quirk and constantly on the back foot. #Also; they’re both the same ass for different reasons. #And Shinso; bc both of their quirks are ‘villainous’ they both take things from others [Quirks vs Control] #and have suffered in an individualistic way because of their quirks. #The only main difference between them is that Shinso is still rebelling against this ideology whereas Monoma has accepted it). #(He’s also super similar to Kaminari if we’re talking insecurity masking bc: over confidence vs humour) #Anyway. I’m going to shut up now; but I love him. Okay.

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.

#I don’t like being harsh with people in general but if one child is raising the tension in the room to a fever pitch every single day #making it incredibly hard for the kids who are trying really really hard to focus when they already have focus issues #and because I know this specific kid gets absolutely spoiled rotten at home and is allowed to do whatever they want #you know… sometimes it helps to show the kid how they sound to others by demonstrating the obnoxious nature of The Scream #because when the parents do Jack Shit about teaching their kid discipline and courtesy; you have to be a parent in their stead #But do NOT continue to scream. You are an adult with adequate emotional control. Screaming should be be done EXTREMELY sparingly #and only utilized for demonstration purposes or to stop a brawl; not for bullying or intimidation #Don’t do a JoJo Siwa and TRY to make kids cry even though you may get stressed enough that you want to escalate on purpose #Again: you are an adult with adequate emotional control; don’t escalate unless the overreaching plan is to deescalate #if eliciting a startle response will stop harmful behavior and “snap them out of it” for long enough for you to get through #or if they just need to let all their emotions out at once so they can lose enough of that high energy to think critically #then sure #but you have to guide them back down very carefully and calmly; it’s a precise science #Don’t be mean about it; be genuine in your feelings and don’t go overboard. Genuine ≠ mean unless you’re evil #Or if you don’t feel emotions very strongly (like I do) then react like a “normal” person. Lie about being angry or sad if it is appropriat #Again: Your goal should not be to get the kid to do what you want; the goal should be to get them to feel good enough #so they are ABLE to do it in the first place #And the goal should also be to show them how their actions affect others if they are not aware of it #“Teach a man to fish” and all that. Don’t always check them; get them to check themselves #If a kid hits another kid when they’re angry at something completely unrelated; then 1.) redirect destructive behavior #and 2.) walk them back over to the kid they hurt and say: #“Look at [name]; look how sad you made them. [name] didn’t do anything to you #It’s okay to be angry but we CANNOT hit people when we are angry because it hurts and makes them cry.” Works great #Always remember there is a power imbalance inherent in EVERY child-adult relationship and NEVER abuse it #And if you’re not patient or emotionally stable enough to work with or have children; then don’t. Please don’t. #Children are not cute little dolls to play dress-up with; nor are they perfect angels; nor are they your personal stress ball #Having children is NOT A GAME. They are PEOPLE who will grow to be your age one day and everything you do affects them #Sorry I’m just tired of all these parents who shove iPads in their kids faces so they don’t bother them. You’re giving them an addiction

[johndonneswife]

someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck

#who is talking about this!!!! let me know #idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which #i was anticipating #and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before #but liiiiiike. #i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them #it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there #just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse #like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no #anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite #and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up #people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out #and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point #or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible #but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding #at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends #which i am so grateful for obviously #i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol #AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad #just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t #i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it #i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this #which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao #probably for the best #ugh whatever #again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know #meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone #AAAAAAAA i just want to scream #text

[voidthewanderer]

I’m just gonna

#shut it void #I really want to go home I swear to god #if people cannot work the shifts they’re being given they HAVE to stop saying so last minute #I shouldn’t be fucking here until 10pm just because you didn’t want to close #or you can maybe not admit to me that the only reason you said you needed to call out today is because you didn’t want to close #like you think I wanted to? you think I really want to spend my time in this place??? #because this is getting ridiculous at this point either step down or shut up because you’re really just getting on my nerves #don’t admit to me that you just don’t want to do the shifts when you know that I’m the one who has to take them #just figure it out at this point because I’m about ready to complain to hr again #I don’t want to because it’ll get turned back on the store manager when it’s not his fault but like… come on

[lesbiansanemi]

And when I thought things were finally fine and had calmed down my roommate starts sending me shelters because he wants me to get rid of my cat 🙃🙃🙃

#‘she’s peeing on my stuff 😡’ #listen I get that that sucks #but also…. we had a system in place that got her stop #I get putting cat spikes on the couches was mildly annoying but guess what #she wasn’t pissing on them anymore #and tell your bf to stop leaving your bedroom door open if you don’t want her to piss on your bed #like ????? #I know he’s stopped doing these things because the bf finds them mildly inconveniencing #sorry I’m not getting rid of my cat that I’ve had for almost four years and who got rehomed TWICE before I got her #because you have to put in a tiiiiiny bit of effort #‘she pissed on my shoes 😡’ #she has literally never peed on shoes before I guarantee you it’s because I left for a weekend and she’s anxious #fucking calm down #you could also just not leave your shoes by the door #he already rehomed our rats because he found them annoying which I feel bad about #I didn’t fight him much on that one because they were more his than mine so if he wanted to make that decision whatever #but hell no I’m not taking my cat to a fucking SHELTER fuck you #‘she drives me insane tho’ #okay well your fucking boyfriend drives me insane and you’re not seeing me demand you take him to a fucking shelter so lol #GOD this is not what I wanna deal with when I get home #and it’s just pissing me off cuz I get it’s annoying #but we’d gotten her to stop mostly and now it’s started again because of things 🙃🙃 the fucking bf is doing 🙃🙃 #so like this is your own fault and you’re expecting me to get rid of my baby because your bf can’t be assed to slightly alter #how he likes to live which is apparently being allergic to just keeping the bedroom door closed #jfc #kaz rambles

[deus-ex-mona]

man.

something midosena never prepared me for was just how comfortable the train seats are

#like. no joke. most (if not all) of them are soft!!!! carpeted!!!!! and comfy!!!!!!!! #and that’s just the regular seats!!!!! the special reserved seats are forward facing and!!!! they even have those little seat tray tables!!! #[insert home country]’s train seats are ruined for me now wtf i used to think that the wide new plastic seats were the best seats ever and— #and the structure of the train is p. great too ngl~~~~ like the seats are positioned a little ways back from the side divider thing #so there’s tons of standing space if you’re unlucky enough to not get a seat #but maybe that’s just my perspective bc the train cabins seem wider than [insert country]’s so maybe i’m too used to the cramped cabins idk #but g o d yes i understand you now midori the seat at the extreme end is the best most comfy seat ever fr #though!!!! another thing that made me 👁️👄👁️ about these trains is that!!!! eating and drinking (on trains) is not prohibited????? #like man. you’d get fined and get photographed + tabloidified in [insert country] if you did that here.. #(if you get caught by some weird nitpicker who can’t mind their own business that is.) #but train exchanges are kinda complicated. ye a h. ig that’s one thing i miss about [insert country]’s trains. aside from the train fares. #m a n. train fares are so high here. bus fares too tbh. 170 yen for just two stops and all that.. #but!!!! the seats are comfy so they get a pass from me~~~~~~~~~ #the buses are tiny and cute thoughhhhh. but the boarding/alighting/fare system caught me off guard. ig i’m too spoiled by [insert country] #all things considered…. it was a really fun trip~~~~~ would’ve been better if i didn’t fall sick right off the bat though lmao #anyways!!!!!! happy kinyoubi my dudes~~~~~~~ #inedible blubbering

[tvrningout-a]

i don’t wanna go to work tomorrow oooof

#i haven’t been home long but i gotta get ready for bed bc i gotta be at work at 8 am and i mean!! #today wasn’t bad!! it was just very long and i heard today that my district manager expects us to work through #our shifts without going on break :) during holiday :) some of us work 8-9 hours lads :) #and even if we didn’t!! that’s still a lot to ask when customer service and hand making products isn’t all sunshine and fun time #i left my previous job bc i wasn’t eating and working straight through 8+ hours and it really showed in how i was mentally #you really need that time to eat and relax when you’ve been running around all day and dealing with people who aren’t always pleasant #let me stop venting though asdfg #i just feel very strongly about how companies treat their people and this is a big one bc of how miserable my last job made me #you stop taking care of your employees and you’re gonna lose them #get ready to ramble | ooc #tw vent

[skinks]

I’m about to get such a bad grade in therapy today

#tw ed mention #tw disordered eating #last week she’s like ‘I want you to try to eat at regular times’ #and today I’ll have to say hello sorry I didn’t eat for two days straight #it’s so hard to talk openly about having an eating disorder compared to talking about having depression #feels like people are gonna be disdainful of you or think that you’re disdainful of them #when it’s literally nothing to do with anyone else #it’s MY brain making me feel unsafe and extreme around food. other people can do what they want #sometimes even people who purport to care about mental health go down the ‘just love yourself :) eat what you want :)’ route #which is like saying Just Stop Being Sad to a depressed person #hdhhdjhdjhdkdhdkdh ANYWAY #nothing like huddling in secret to add electrolytes to your water dinner or looking up the calories in one macadamia nut #to make you step outside yourself for a moment like damn woman you live like this?

[badolmen]

Actually I think I’ll die mad at my bros high school girlfriend. I hope she gets stuck in stop-and-go traffic for an hour every time she travels for more than 20 minutes.

#ra speaks #personal #sorry I remembered her today randomly and it made my blood boil #one time my bro said she thought I didn’t like her which wasn’t true at the time but ohhh girly if I see you on the streets… #you’re getting the coldest shoulder of your life #I got a notif from Instagram randomly the other day abt her that’s what reminded me #she and him dated p much his entire high school career #and she had severe anxiety but was also highly social #so as a result my bro was always supporting her + basically only hung out w her friends and such #which like isn’t a bad thing even tho I think he should’ve tried to make his own friends and time for them #she needed support and someone to talk her down over the phone at 9 PM or whatever and he was willing to do that #she’s a year ahead of him so she goes to college. they both know long distance is gonna be a pain #so they mutually agree that if it doesn’t feel like it’s working out they’ll talk face to face for a break up #I think almost a year into a pretty steady long distance thing with regular phone calls and irl vacations together #(also the calls were so well scheduled we literally called it T*** Time whenever my bro dipped to call her) #anyways she doesn’t answer his calls or texts for a few days and then she BREAKS UP WITH HIM OVER TEXT #she ignores his attempts to call her/stops responding to his texts abt it bc they BOTH agreed to break up face to face #she cuts him off burned bridges everything overnight no warning #and THEN. THEN. she has her DAD (who’s become a bit of a family friend up until this point) BRING OVER EVERY GIFT AND HOODIE MY BRO EVER #GAVE HER. EVEN FRAMED PICTURES OF THEM TOGETHER. and that was it. #I’m still. so fucking pissed on his behalf. frankly amazed he didn’t turn into an incel-type out of spite #like WHAT THE HELL happened to make her turn and cut him off so quick??? they were going steady and my bro was devestated bc he legitimately #didn’t know if he said/did something to upset her and she wouldn’t respond to let him know WHY out of a sudden and vague ‘I don’t think this #is working out’ which like. GIRL YOU COULDNT HAVE DROPPED A HINT OR TWO?? #idk it just feels like all the time he spent supporting her in high school/how much of HIS time was spent taking care of her #and exclusively socializing with HER friends (which he never really clicked w so to speak) #it’s like he was robbed of a fulfilling high school social life for nothing. to be dumped over text cold Turkey. #at least he has college friends now it only took him two years lol <- it took me four so I can’t judge

[inkykeiji]

omg clari five men???? i’m living with my brother and i can’t IMAGINE living with five of him😭😭

yes five ._. my boyfriend has a lot of brothers lol

#it’s just me and his mommmmm #us girls gotta stick together!!!!! #she was just saying to the youngest like ‘when are you going to bring that girl you’re seeing home? poor clari is stuck with all of u here!’ #and he goes ‘oh shit you’re right i didn’t even *realize*’ lmao #it’s so funny his moms always like ‘put some clothes on! stop walking around in your underwear! we have a girl in the house now!’ #this does not stop the two who often walk around half naked from walking around half naked #tho the older one will announce it #like if he’s coming into the kitchen he’s like ‘LOOK AWAY CLARI IM NAKED ILL JUST BE A MOMENT’ #the younger one doesn’t care #we share a bathroom with him and he’s always coming into our bedroom with just a towel or his undies #no shame but tbh i’m glad they feel comfortable enough around me to just be chill and be themselves #they’re practically my brother-in-laws so i want them to feel like i’m just another family member yk???? #they are super messy tho and they do steal my food which is >.> not cool but i guess that’s what having brothers is like huh LMAO #hope ur having a great day anon!!!! #keep safe n stay hydrated!! #inky.bb #clari gets mail

[linguenuvolose]

The way everyone I’ve been on more than 3 dates with lives within a 2 km radius of each other 💀💀

#except for one I guess who lives/lived in Venice #to my defence one of them didn’t live there when we dated #also to my defence I haven’t been on that many forth dates but you know… still #like the realisation when you’re like oh you live 2 stops from each other hahah #snicksnack

[mrs-kelly]

Dumb little irl rant but it’s been bothering me for years like. I keep getting mean voicemail messages because telemarketers are spoofing my phone number and calling people with it!! And I’m!! So mad that people don’t understand that I, a regular person, am not just picking a random number from Wisconsin and calling them!! You can look at the area code and tell that I’m not an 800 number or similar! I wish people would just block a number before they leave a rude message! Like seriously!!

#one time I answered and this person started cussing me out about how I call them every day #and I had to be like ‘calm down dude that is not me. telemarketers can spoof phone numbers’ #and he didn’t believe me at first and I had to be like ‘I’m not selling you anything; I’m just at work and YOU called ME to yell at me’ #‘I haven’t done anything! go ahead and block the number!’ #and the guy needed up apologizing and stuff but that was almost 10 YEARS AGO and it’s STILL HAPPENING #I’ve changed my number and it’s STILL happening #and I got one this morning that was a lady yelling at me to stop calling her… #it’s not me!!!! leave me alone!! just block the number!! #I get calls from earlimart California every single day but guess what I block whatever new number they’re using and move on #it’s so rude to leave such pissed off messages and you don’t even know who you’re leaving them for!! #anyway rant over; I just don’t like waking up feeling great and then seeing a message from someone that’s so mean when I haven’t even— #done anything #ren speaks #rant tw #off brand ren cereal #general you

[foldingfittedsheets]

Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.

I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”

It broke me.

Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.

When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.

I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!

“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.

Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?

I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”

He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.

Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.

#ramblies #advice #take breaks