#yup i am not above qouting halsey

[bennybentacles]

who is in control?

-five

growing up five knew that he has the most prodigious power amongst them. he can travel through space and time, and he can teleport. it is second nature to him, he just knows how to do these things without someone teaching him how to do any of it . he used his power too much, knew it well enough. knew how to do things that not anyone can do.he thinks he has the utmost control over his gift, thought that he knows his power like a worn out sneakers but in reality he does not have a single clue on how his power works. he dives into his power headfirst, and he just hope that it doesnt drown him everytime. he knows about space and time theories, spent hours poring over the quantum physics and learning how it applies into time and space. he knows how to do equations and how to apply it to his powers. but even with all of these at his disposal, he cant time travel properly because while he was learning these theories, he never stopped to take a seat and learn about his own powers. he was so caught up on these flashing numbers and huge diagrams and theories that he never really took the time to control himself, and as he applied his equations to his powers, he didnt account his control into the equations and that fucked him up.

-vanya

growing up, she thought that she was ordinary, never really thinking how her siblings' power really worked. and when it was brought to light that she has these powers too, she has been too old, kept in the dark for too long. she was never thought how to control this large amount of power coursing through her veins, all to her disposal. she never had to spend her childhood perfecting this craft of controlling this abnormal thing in her, never spent hours, days, months and years just concentrating on this power inside her. she never had to think about her action, never had to account her abilities in her every move. she never had to be wary on herself, she never had to stop herself from doing things that will end badly if she lost grip of her powers and she never learned how awfully hard it is to have these powers that normal people do not have. she wished that she is just like her siblings, all different and extraordinary and now that she has it, she isnt too sure on how to control them

-diego

growing up, diego spent a lit of time perfecting his craft. he spent years holed up in his practice room. spending hours each day infront of practice dummies, spent hours throwing knives into target boards, never stopping even as his arms hurt. he trained so hard, spent his youth with one goal, spent two decades of his life trying to defeat his brother. he revolved his life into one goal, practice his powers with defeating his brother in mind, spent years bulking up in an attempt to outlarge his brother, spent years perfecting his speech so that he can talk smoother than his brother. he knows that he has a good control over hinself, knew that his body is a result of his control. he knew that his power works because he had the control over them. but he never really tried doing things for himself, never tried to practice his powers with himself in his mind. never really explored what he can really do, he never tried to see if he can do more than just curving objects with his hand. he didnt step out of the line, never let himself get curious and he has the control over the powers he knew he has, but he doesnt have the control over the powers that he has failed to discover

-luther

growing up, he has way too much energy in his body. he ruined many doorknobs and glasses ever since he was a little boy. and as he grows up, he knew he has to reign himself under control, because he knows, deep down, that he can kill his brother if he grips too tight. luther is a lot of things, he is brash and an arrogant person but he is also determined. ever since he knew the fact thar he could bring harm to his siblings, he trained hours after hours so that he wont ever ruin anything that he touches. and he did it, he controlled himself. he had himself in this wonderful self control, managed to train himself until he got it right, trained until he can give hugs without breaking bones. but there is something that he failed to really control, and that is his temper. because of the fact that he spent his childhood controlling his powers that he never really had the chance to control his emotions

-allison

growing up, allison used her powers to her advantage. she grew up in a male dominated household, grew up in the house that treated women as less even if they dont really knew it. she had to work around these people who are unconsciously making life worse for her, grew up with these boys she loves with all of her heart being molded by her cold heartless father into these cold heartless boys. she knows how her power works, and she used it, spent hours hunched over her dictionaries and rumoring her brothers with overly specific rumors to make her life easier. she used her powers on her father too, using her words, twisting them up so that the house would finally be livable for a woman, and she know what she is doing. she had the control over her powers but she didnt have a control over herself. she cant control herself, cant make herself stop, cant stop using her powers that she had mastered and that ruined her

-klaus

growing up, klaus knew he could cause catastrophic things. he has these horrible monster following him whenever he goes, all this dreadful abominations never leaving his sight. knew that if he really tries, he can bring them forward. he can feel that power deep into him, knew that if he just unleash himself, he can call these monsters forth and have them wreck havoc. knew that if he really wants too, he can make this ghosts his bitch, make them do things on his command, he can rule the world of the undead, and that thought terriefies him. that scares him because he knows, deep down that he craves that kind of power. knew that he can get intoxicated in that type of superiority. but he controlled himself, he knew he has to have the absolute control over himself, knew that whatever happens, he must not let himself succumb to that power. he may have a control on himself but he didnt really have control over his instinct, knew that the moment those drugs managed to control the power that runs into his veins, he will never be able to stop himself from giving in, if only to keep his potentials locked away, hes not even sure of he want to control his destructive self anyways

-ben

growing up, ben hated himself. he grew up with this monsters residing in his tiny body, claiming it as their own. he never really like them, never really tried to like them. he was scared of them, shied away fron the feeling of them moving all over his body, their massive form stretching his tiny skin, wearimg them down years even before he reach his two digits. he hated the fact that he has to feed them, offer them live animals, watch as these creature kill innocent upon innocent upon innocent. he stood frozen as they kill without remorse. he thought he doesnt have any control over them, but he never really realized that he has the control over them. he never really knew that he controls them even as a child, never knew that the monster being restless is because he is restless. he never knew that if he didnt have any control over them, they wouldve devoured his siblings the moment he lost a grip unto them. he was so wrapped up around his fear that he never really tried to make them stop being that way. he never really sat and tried to relax. he had the control over them and he didnt know it, didnt know that as the monsters in his body ripped him apart, that he is the one controlling them, that he is the one tearing himself apart.

and maybe in another life, he would know that and he would become the boss of his demons and he will lose touch with the gentleness he once possessed, and he will just be a hallow husk for his father, just like his siblings.

#the umbrella academy #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #tua five #tua klaus #tua ben #tua luther #tua allison #tua diego #tua vanya #yup i am not above qouting halsey #and yes this is another character study #i have juiced my tiny brain for these