triviasghost

[triviasghost]

[at Jason's funeral]

Dick: *places his hand on the headstone and sobs*

Dick: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

[triviasghost]

Incorrect Batfamily Quotes as things I've heard in psych treatment Pt. 6

Jason: I'll be sad if she dies, but I can't say I didn't warn her.

-

Duke: Dude, I want Yoda to be my therapist.

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Bruce: Neo pronouns are titles, right?

Jason: No, they're pronouns.

Bruce: Oh.

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Tim: It wouldn't even be that much work, all I would need to do is abandon all my morals.

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Steph: Autism SPEAKS. Autism does not shut up.

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Tim: It's probably not a good idea to kill people...

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Dick: I finished my intake assessment, and it took me to the crisis hotline.

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Damian: Did you see the way he HOLDS HIM????

Tim: I did, I just didn't like the way he stabbed him.

Damian: I LOVED the way he stabbed him!

#batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #incorrect batfamily quotes #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #robin

[triviasghost]

did u kno: ur icon is actually you in 20 years

#uh oh

[triviasghost]

Incorrect Batfamily Quotes as things I've heard in psych treatment Pt. 5?

Steph: Sometimes I have thoughts.

Damian: Maybe you shouldn't.

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Bruce: I tried it in college. It didn’t do much for me.

Clark: Pathological lying or marijuana?

Bruce: Both.

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Tim: Duke, are you straight?

Duke: Yeah. Wait, are you asking if I'm good or if I'm gay?

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Dick, to Tim: I'm allowed to listen to Mitski while driving because I'm afraid of pain. And dying. You on the other hand—

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Jason: I'm really good at keeping secrets because I'm really good at forgetting what people say.

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Tim: Y'all, I'm proud to say I think Vyvanse is fixing me.

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Dick, recalling getting shot: I didn't know who our president was for like six months.

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Steph: I got a new emotional support water bottle, please pray for me during this difficult transition.

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Duke: I don't have the balls to do that. I would shrivel into myself like a human foreskin.

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Tim: You can't imagine how much of a slut I'd be if there was a guy who would stab me and manipulate me here.

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Tim: My psychiatrist said grapefruit every once in a while is okay, just not every day.

Damian: Bad Timothy. We will not be eating grapefruit and tempting fate.

Tim: No, he literally said it was okay.

Jason, snickering: Bad Timothy.

#batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #incorrect batfamily quotes #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #robin

[triviasghost]

Incorrect Batfamily Quotes as things I've heard in psych treatment Pt. 4

Jason: Mario cart is life, and drugs are the shells.

-

Tim: I ate two worms.

Bruce: Why?

Tim: For the experience. Google said it was okay.

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Dick: I'm so sorry for spamming, I have no other friends.

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Stephanie: He's a really bad psychiatrist, but I do love him with all my heart.

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Jason: Christ did not rise from the dead for me to have to do this.

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Tim: Calm down, I'm overwhelmed not suicidal.

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Bruce: That just means you've done something really wrong, and you need to drink water.

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Jason: I'm pretty well adjusted.

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Damian: I'm not grumpy, I'm just depressed.

#batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #incorrect batfamily quotes #alfred pennyworth #robin #batfam incorrect quotes #damian wayne #stephanie brown

[triviasghost]

Incorrect Batfamily Quotes as things I've heard in psych treatment Pt. 3

Alfred: So isolation has worked out well for you in the past?

Tim: Yeah.

Alfred: I beg to differ, I've read your file.

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Jason: Better to be laughing stock than chicken stock.

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Tim: I'm going to use a skill where I sew everyone's mouths shut.

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Jason: These willing hands are about to turn into willing fists.

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Dick: Mario Cart is like a metaphor for my life.

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Dick: Are you someone?

Tim: Dubiously.

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Tim: My psychiatrist told me he can't taper all my meds at once, and I said, "Watch me, I'll do it for you!"

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Tim: Hey, I had access to the internet as a kid.

Dick: That's very evident, Tim.

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Stephanie: I never forget, because I never remember.

#batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #incorrect batfamily quotes #alfred pennyworth #batfam incorrect quotes #stephanie brown #robin

[triviasghost]

Incorrect Batfamily Quotes as things I've heard in psych treatment Pt. 2

Harley Quinn: It's therapy, not an argument.

Bruce: No, but I'll still win.

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Jason: I know it's addicting, but find something else to be addicted to.

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Jason: I eat at Chik-fil-a when I'm mad at my gay friends.

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Tim, after a 10 minute tangent: Did you guys know there's an Adderall shortage?

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Dick, on a stakeout: My lithium bladder won't last 3 hours.

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Steph: Hey, guys, if it were the 1920's, would we be in a mental asylum.

Everyone: Yes.

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Damian: I love cries of despair, I feast on sadness.

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Alfred: We're not playing anymore.

Jason: Aw, why not?

Alfred: Because you guys keep joking about suicide.

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Dick: Is it a trauma response?

Jason: Eh, that's what I tell people.

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Tim: I'm taking a detox from my meds.

#batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #batfam incorrect quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfamily #alfred pennyworth #harley quinn

[triviasghost]

Incorrect Batfamily Quotes as things I've heard during psych treatment

Jason: I'll put you in my suicide note.

Bruce: Please just call it your will like normal people.

-

Tim: I got banned from going to the park at night; they said I have no regard for my personal safety.

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Alfred: I fear for your nonstick cookware.

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Damian: I hate you, I'm going to trigger your fear of abandonment now.

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Dick: Italian ice is more trustworthy than people.

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Jason: You don't want to fish for piranhas with your penis out.

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Tim: Can cannibalism cure antisemitism?

Jason: I guess if you eat all the antisemites.

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Tim: I think this coffee just cured my SI.

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Bruce: No, listen, I believe in you, I'm just planning for the worst.

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Tim: Dick, lovingly, I think I know more about p*rn than you.

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Jason: I aspire to be a narcissist.

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Dick: I want to crawl into a hole. I'll come back out! I just need a little hole time.

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Damian: let's sacrifice my dad today.

#batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam incorrect quotes #batfamily

[triviasghost]

*At a Batfamily meeting*

Tim: As the only one in a committed relationship- Selina doesn't count after your whole wedding drama- I really feel-

Jason: what do you mean 'thE OnLY oNe', you aren't the only one

Tim: oh yeah, who else is in a serious committed relationship?

Jason: Me? I've literally been married for years?

Bruce: EXCUSE ME???

Dick: who to?

Jason: Roy

Dick: EXCUSE ME??? EWWW YOU AND ROY, GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD, MY FRIEND AND MY LITTLE BROTHER GROSSS

Jason: Wait, did none of you know? I literally call him my partner all the time

Tim: To be honest we thought you meant partner in crime, not marriage

Jason: I mean, both but still...

*Later, during the ✨vigilante hours✨ of the night*

Bruce: I hear you are married to my son

Roy, panicking cause Bruce is really protective of his kids: Oh, shit, um, yes- yes sir

Bruce: without my blessing

Roy: uh, yeah, we were on a time crunch, married couples can't testify against each other

Bruce: without inviting me to the wedding

Roy: I uh- you were gone that weekend, business trip

Bruce: I haVE A PRIVATE JET, I WOULD HAVE FLOWN IN! IT WAS MY SONS WEDDING, I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE BEEN THERE

Roy: I'm sorry, sir

Bruce: tell me one more thing

Bruce: was Ollie there?

Roy: No

Bruce: Does Ollie know

Roy: No

Bruce: your recompense is to allow me to be the one to tell him so I can brag to him that I knew first

Roy: uh, sure?

[triviasghost]

tim: the chances of you getting killed by your dead sibling is low

*Jason walks in to frame wearing a robin costume*

tim: but never zero

[triviasghost]

i find the dischotomy between the batfam's potential to kill vs their real-world willingness to kill very interesting! so I made a graph because I'm a nerd

[triviasghost]

batman rogues ranked worst to best

15. you

14: can’t

13: rank

12: them

11: because

10: they’re

9: all

8: amazing

7: and

6: different

5: in

4: their

3: own

2: ways

1: Harvey Dent

[triviasghost]

Are you the writer of See Life As a Worthy Opponent? 👀

I am indeed!

[triviasghost]

Holy shit???!!! I am so honored!!

Accidental dimensional travel is one of my fav tropes in this fandom and “See Life As a Worthy Opponent” by TriviasGhost on AO3, even though it’s still in process, it’s *chef kiss*. So! Here’s what originally was supposed to be just a doodle and ended up cleaner than expected, haha

#Tim Drake

[triviasghost]

Batman: Wayne Family Adventures + The Onion

(pt 2/?)

[triviasghost]

Batman: Wayne Family Adventures + The Onion

(pt 1/?)

[triviasghost]

💀💀