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nervous-runaway · 3 months

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And as we laid there bare it came to me,

I’ll never be this young again

(I’ll never be this dumb again)

I’ll never be this free again

-excerpt KR 2/7

#poetry #poem #spilled ink #mine #spilled words #nervousrunaway #spilled thoughts #poem a day #prose #spilled poetry

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nervous-runaway · 5 months

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I can feel the scars you left in the oddest ways, like yesterday. I cried in the kitchen because it was one of those days where nothing went right and I was filled with the fear that he would leave me. Because if I’m not perfect, I’m not worth staying for.

You did that to me-KR 5:57pm

#clearing out some drafts #poetry #poem #spilled ink #mine #spilled words #nervousrunaway #spilled thoughts #poem a day #prose #spilled poetry #unearthed letters

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nervous-runaway · 5 months

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Even in your absence, I am defined by you

Excerpt- KR 6/2022

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nervous-runaway · 5 months

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“In another life, another time, I could have been yours and you could have been mine”. I am so tired of hearing that. Exhausted beyond belief from the way we hid behind later.

Because it is always later. Not now, Never now. And so we always seek something to blame us on. That maybe next time it will work. Im so tired.

I’m so tired K.R- 11/29

#poetry #poem #spilled ink #mine #spilled words #nervousrunaway #spilled thoughts #poem a day #prose #spilled poetry

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nervous-runaway · 11 months

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I’ve forgotten the way your face looked,When we said goodbye. My palms no longer remember the way your skin felt and my lips have no recollection of yours

I have forgotten so much of you, and yet. I could drive that road from my house to yours blindfolded. When I am lost and so alone, I put on our song and remember how dancing in the kitchen with you felt.I still read the books you recommended and play the games we learned together

The memory of our bodies may be lost to time but I think pieces of you will live on in me and in mine long after I have gone -KR 5/13

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nervous-runaway · 11 months

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I knew. I knew better

I knew better than to let you in and now here I am again. A retail worker to my bones, Thanking you for your time as you turn way. As if I am not left here again holding pieces of my heart, blood dripping on the tile as you walk out.

I knew better but I let you in anyways and now I have to stitch myself back up again. Find a way to hold these ragged edges together as if I am not merely ache, loss, and a burning desire to love - bound in scar tissue. I knew better but I trusted you anyways. Forever a fool -KR 6/20 10:18pm

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nervous-runaway · 11 months

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And just like that, I have gone from fearing the edge to free falling. Lost in the drop as I burn for you.

All my thoughts turn to you in my waking hours and it is the false memory of your kisses that wake me damp and disoriented. Your name I whisper as I toss and I turn and I slip fingers between slick thighs in the not quite dawn.

Here I am locking and unlocking, picking up and putting down my phone. Over and over again, hoping to see your name pop up on my screen and prove that you think of me too.

I am lost in the thought of you;it’s too late - KR 5:58pm

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nervous-runaway · 11 months

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I don’t want to be mean to you. I don’t want to bully you or hurt your feelings

I want to make you laugh so often I become intimately familiar with the way your smile sounds. I want to memorize the way your eyes flash in a moment of joy and find find comfort in the feeling of your palm in mine.

I want to be a moment of peace in your day. That which lifts your heart and reminds you that the birds sing.

But you only text me when you are lonely and rough around the edges. Seeking the spark and intensity of us. Looking for the way I am quick to respond and quicker to strike, because everyone I have ever loved has left and I have been scarred by their departure. So despite all that I desire, I continue this act. This performance of nonchalance and distance, because I live for the moments we speak and I am scared that to drop the facade is to extend you an invitation to depart.

That to show you the tears and the ache as the loss, would only give you the opportunity to strike true instead of know me as I crave. K.R @10:54 6/16/23

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nervous-runaway · 11 months

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It is not fair. Not fair that I have never felt those palms against my skin, those lips against my neck. The way my breath would catch in that moment of infinite possibility between the heartbeats of a first kiss, and how I would feel like it was you alone who called the blood within my veins as I ached to touch and be touched.

It is not fair that I have never had the privilege , and yet am haunted in all my waking hours. Even in my dreams I cannot escape the phantom of you between my thighs, playing me like the sweetest harp.

It’s not fair-KR 5:10pm 6/12

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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You said a lot of things that broke my heart. That I was a waste of your time. That I was a Liar. But there is one thing you said, that hurt the worst because it was true. You told me that I didn’t believe I deserved love. That I stayed in relationships with people who didn’t love me , who hurt me because I believed that I deserved it. That I was not worth it.

And you were right, I did. I thought that I was broken, the kind that you couldn’t fix. So I accepted what love came my way because I believed nobody would ever love me for who I was. Then you told me you loved me. That you wanted to give us a try and I thought that this was it. That I had finally found what I had dreamed of my whole life. Someone who knew every dark and twisted part of my soul, and saw the good in me anyways.

But this was never a Love story, and you were never the prince. So you left.

-You taught me a very important lesson. K.R 2/28/22

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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“There is nothing sweeter than the pain of loving you” Is a lie I whisper to myself as I lay on the shower floor again. Trying to sob out the pieces of me that cannot seem to stop loving you. The myth I cloak myself in as if denial will keep me from falling apart as you take another piece of me. Because if I was truly able to say you enjoyed my blood on your hands - That when you are low it is my tears that lift you up? I would have to come to terms with the fact that this is not love.

I have just always been your favorite victim-KR 9:44am

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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It was never rotten work to me ; You were never rotten work. Not to me

KR 9:42pm

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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“It’s called me flirting”

Pssh flirting is telling you that you have a way with words that would make the muses balk and Cupid blush

Or that even now the thought of your poetry and all that we could be, haunts me in not only the evening darkness but the nascent dawn and all the hours in between.

That it is not your beauty or the fantasy of you between my legs that causes this flush- But the thought of your smile and the way the syllables of my name would sound spilling from those perfect lips that sets me writhing between the sheets at night. Your name like honey on these lips

Drunk texts i didn’t send -KR 5/3

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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I do not believe it when you say you like me, because you were always complicit in the collective dehumanization of me in our youth.

My first date took me to an abandoned beach and told me to strip. When I refused he left me 16 and alone in downtown at midnight, saying to drive me home as “a waste of time”. And when he told everyone who would listen “what use is an open mind if she won’t open her legs” you were silent. It was only your brother who had the spine to tell me even as my heart broke.

When your boy asked me out as an April Fools joke, you laughed alongside him that Monday. Smiled as it sunk in for me that I hadn’t been stood up or forgotten, but targeted.

At my first and only high school party- it was your friends who locked me in a room with a man, a drink, and a string of condoms. Them who yelled and called it a joke as I beat in that door to be let out. You who smirked called me a lightweight the next day as if I had not be unable to sleep that night. That week. Haunted by the almost.

So I half hope it is a pretty lie-that you always liked me. Because the other option is that you did like me, and participated in these horrors anyways.

I hope you lie -KR 8:26pm

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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There are a lot of things you learn as you grow up. Taxes, grocery shopping, how to balance a checkbook.

Grief, realizing that love is not always enough, that death comes in several forms and each of them aches in a different way.

———

Nobody told me, in 5th grade as we learned about the birds and the bees, that I would die in new ways each day.

That I would come to understand that every moment is built on the death of the one before. That we live our lives upon the bones of constant and ever changing loss.

And we never get the time to mourn all of these lost moments as we continue to fall forward through life- KR @9:29am 4/27

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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In the throes of youth , According to Greta was my favorite movie. Lost in the anger of it all.

But now I watch The Last Letter From A Lover and weep for the drowning in the unspoken. In the way you can feel love between the letters of a nickname. How the air becomes touchable when fingertips graze across a table;walking down the street.

How young I was to think you died once

When every touch is the cessation of a moment we can never relive. Each second a small death.

To love is to lose, and no matter how heartbreaking, we cannot change the truth- KR 2/5/23 3:01pm

#poetry #poem #spilled ink #mine #spilled words #nervousrunaway #spilled thoughts #poem a day #prose #spilled poetry #nervous runaway #love letter #unearthed letters #letters to a lover #poetblr #poets on tumblr

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nervous-runaway · 1 year

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Why do I relate to your stuff?

That means the world to hear! I’m sorry that you do but also happy I could help you feel a little less alone in this ❤️

#asked and answered #❤️#nervous runaway

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