#GUYS I HATE FEBRUARY N 14TH SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME THINK OF THESE STUFF AGAIN | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thisismctryin · 3 years

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1. 56 kg / breast 89 waist 69 cm hips 93 i think

2. i’m 1.69 (maybe 1.70 cm) and i don’t like it ugh i wish i were taller, idk maybe like 1.75 :/

3. i mean probably kendall jenner lmao

4. hair loss, i already struggle a lot with it and i know that with my ed i can lose more. it freaks me out

5. i’m it for me and only me. i just want to feel happy on my own skin

6. ugh yes, i binge whenever i get anxious about something and i fucking hate it. i binged so fucking much today, btw

7. um idk i don’t really think they notice cause i binge and they even tell me “u gonna eat all thatttt” n stuff but i think that if they ever realize they’d be rlly sad

8. i’m too depressed to exercise lol, it sounds so stupid but istg it’s true

9. yup, when i was 14 kids made fun of me for my weight, kids who i didn’t even know BUT also close friends of mine cause i was rllyyyy skinny, just the way i’d like to b now, but in that time i didn’t know it so it fucked me over. later when i was 15 i started dating this guy who completely broke me (for many reasons if i’m beign honest) but mainly because he would say i was too skinny n shit so i created this horrible vision of myself and i started over eating until i gained like 8 kg :/ and when i realized it, it was too late. i not only had a heart broken but i also had changed the way i looked in ways i didn’t even liked, that and other shit i went through caused loosing my mental stability and gaining an ed so yeah…… dating was fun !!!

10. ugh just the feeling of enjoying a meal, i haven’t been able to do that for over a year

11. idk. if someone sees this please recommend me one

12. i’ll just skip this one cause idk what to answer lmao

13. unhealthy. but i gain it all back lol :/

14. idk

15. neither, but u have consider being a vegan i just have to wait until im 20 (that’s what my mother says lol)

16. i think i’ve been unconsciously traumatized by the extreme necessity of losing weight for a reaaaallly long time now. probably since i was like 11

17. i don’t like answering this question. i feel like i don’t? because im a freaking failure but i don’t really know lol

18. anything that it’s sweet spicy ugh

19. yesterday :(

20. idk. the one where i restricted until 500 cal maybe lol. i’ll start the draculaura diet tomorrow, let’s se how that goes !!

21. small

22. since i started restricting? 49 kg, ugh i remember that day as one of the happiest days of my life (that’s extremely fucked up tho) i weighted in the morning and i just felt so good, after a couple of days i started binging for the first time in 3 weeks. i gained 3 kg and it was the worst. i’ve been depressed ever since. all i’m trying to do is get that feeling of happiness and security again, that’s why i’m starting to restrict again. which makes me think… you know how ever since we were kids everyone told us about the dangers of an eating disorder. well, no one told you it’s actually the best fucking thing ever too

when the numbers in the scale go down all you feel is glory. suddenly it’s best if your hair falls or you feel cold all the time, cause it’s better to feel that way than to feel like you’re a failure, or to see your reflection and fucking hate it.

no one tells you how amazing it can be and how dangerously obsessive you can become with it. it’s an on and off toxic relationship

23. i would probably say it was 50% media 50% things i hear at home

24. i’m not pro ana/mia for anyone that isn’t me, having an ed is the worst thing ever and i don’t wish it to anyone. once you get it, it’s always there. but for me on the other hand, well..

25. yeah. i remember it, it was 14th February 2019. i ate all these candy at school and i had a party that night (my ex was going to be there) and i had all this pressure so i when i got home i locked myself in the bathroom door and started purging in the shower. it felt good. it hurt a little bit but it felt good, weirdly

26. just being able to look at myself in the mirror and not hating what i see lol

27. extremely bad. you know, i loved going to the supermarket, i enjoyed being there, waking in the hallways, hearing music and shit; i can’t do it anymore. there’s food everywhere and all i wanna do is cry :( it sucks

#i want to be skiny #tw ed thoughts #ed lol #ana tingz #ana mia #bing3 #not pr0 ana #tw ed related #tw bulemia #esting disorder

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jungnoir · 4 years

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hello!! truth be told, i am not entirely certain if your requests are open and stuff, if they aren't, please forgive me, it's honestly my first time requesting so i'm really worried that i am gonna mess up, please don't hate me :((( do you think there's a chance that you'll write some youngk or wonpil fluff (or rival!au,,, or anything would be great,,, honestly) any time soon? if not, that's totally okay, i hope i didn't bother you, thank you regardless and have a great day!!

anatomically correct heart-shaped pretzel;

kim wonpil | food service is way more competitive and romantic than you’d think, believe it or not. rival!au. mall!au. | 1.6k words. | fluff, humor.

a/n: ahhh you’re okay!!! thank you for being so polite. I’m not officially accepting requests as I’m sort of just writing whenever I want to and dropping in. usually, I will announce that I’m writing requests on my blog and leave it open for a certain amount of time. however, I’m being pretty casual with things so I totally don’t mind this request at all! here’s rival kiosk workers at the mall with wonpil

“He’s at it again. Look at him; he’s got an evil look in those puppy dog eyes, that dead customer service smile, that high-pitched “have a good day!” pep in his step. I want to wring his neck like a Shake Weight.”

Your coworker, Dowoon, pauses in the middle of refilling the fruity pebbles toppings to give you a disturbed look, “Okay, Jesus. What is wrong with you?”

You glare right back, “It’s fucking pretzel boy Wonpil showing off again.”

“You mean doing his job?”

Grumbling a “showing off” under your breath, you turn around again to continue your angry brooding when you happen to catch Wonpil’s eyes between serving customers. His friendly smile quickly turns malicious, the boy having the audacity to drop his eyelid down in a wink before going about his business again, annoyingly unbothered by your seething not 20 feet away.

Dowoon was convinced that you were paranoid. Ever since that new pretzel kiosk popped up next to your once very thriving frozen yogurt shop, you’d been noticing business trailing elsewhere. People were trading gummy bears for salty bread and Wonpil’s “personable” attitude, something that you couldn’t quite get over. He wasn’t personable at all. You knew the real truth and yet no one believed you.

It had all started two months back when they’d first opened. You had thought Wonpil to look actually pleasant to talk to, deciding to befriend your new competition to be friendly which, unfortunately, massively backfired. Perhaps you were too bubbly, too optimistic on the first go, because Wonpil seemed to immediately bristle upon greeting. That was your first sign that things were going steadily downhill.

Your next sign was how aware you were that you were dominating the conversation. It seemed like no matter how much you tried to fish out of Wonpil, he wouldn’t budge. His answers were short, blunt, and disconcerting to say the least. After a few failed attempts, you’d promptly agreed with yourself that perhaps Wonpil was just one of those people who went to work, did their job, and left it at that. But then the customers came rolling in.

He was a totally different guy, the bastard.

Everything. From the way he lit up to the way his voice rose several octaves to the way he laughed out loud at every terrible customer joke. It was a pang to your admittedly offended heart. Was there something wrong with you? Did you smell? Was he just having a bad day earlier? It had thrown you pretty off for the rest of your shift, even catching the attention of one of your other usually aloof co-workers: Sungjin.

You just couldn’t place it. You obviously didn’t want to think he simply disliked you and only you, but it was all you had to go on. Why was he so averse to you when you’d done nothing to him? ...as far as you knew, anyway.

He was even nice to Dowoon! What did Dowoon have that you didn’t?!

And then, then, Wonpil started to notice you, but for all the wrong reasons.

It was through knowing smirks and condescending winks that you began to kindle your delicate hatred-baby for Wonpil. He knew he was peeving you off. He knew that when you’d watch him with that barely veiled look of yearning in your eyes for acceptance that he could simply look your way and you’d fluster. He wasn’t kind. He was a jerk. Wonpil was an absolute asshole and no one seemed to think so except you.

Your co-workers called it a friendly rivalry. You called it war.

He was super keen on stealing your customers too, drawing them in from your shop to get them to buy those damn pretzels, just to see you squirm and fumble to turn their attention back. When he’d win, he’d get this smug look on his face and gnaw his bottom lip with a hooded gaze cast your way, practically relishing in your anger and humiliation. You’d dreamt of all the ways you could make that little pipsqueak sing for mercy-

“Hey! Can you do your job or do I need to stand you on the other side of the counter as a cardboard cutout?” Dowoon’s annoyance is not easy to ignore even in the midst of your daydream, and unfortunately, that meant that you would have to come back to your reality. Your cold, Wonpilly reality.

With a lack of vigor that could rival a pubescent boy in band practice, you continue your shift in a disgruntled haze. You don’t want to think you’re being childish about it, but you can often feel Wonpil’s eyes on you while you work, and it’s enough to make you rightfully paranoid. You know the minute you look up that he’s going to have some patronizing expression on his face and, honestly, you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back from punching it clean off. Only fifteen more minutes, you think to yourself, counting down til the end of your shift. Fifteen more minutes and then I’m out of here.

Dowoon eventually leaves early, mentioning he has a date tonight and that he doesn’t want to be late, and you mumble an affirmative to clean and lock up for him. You’ve got no such plans for the evening, instead planning to relax and enjoy the weekend Wonpil-free. As customers slow to almost nothing, you decide it’s a good time to start closing up.

As you’re sweeping away the debris on the floor, you hear the sound of a fist knocking against glass and decide to look up, ready to shoo away a customer who came too late. Instead of a customer, it’s something much worse.

“Hey,” Wonpil says, one hand in his puffy jacket pocket, the other holding a small take-away bag from the pretzel place, “heading out tonight?”

You’re so stunned by his attempt at casual conversation that you forget to be mean, staring at him in confusion, “Uh... no. Why?”

Wonpil looks both relieved and surprised, clutching the bag a little closer to himself, “Oh... uh, well it’s just that... you know, it’s Valentine’s day. I assumed you had a date.”

Your brain is a Windows blue screen right now. Was it... oh, fuck, how could you have missed it? Today was February the 14th. You flush soon after. No, you had no date. “Nope... but I bet you do. If you came here to gloat about it, don’t even bother. I’m too tired to deal with you right now.”

A look of hurt flashes across Wonpil’s visage, “I didn’t... that’s not why I came over.”

“Then why?” You can’t hide the tired exasperation in your voice, “You closed up already, didn’t you? Just go home. I’m not in the mood.”

That same hurt flashes again and part of you almost wants to feel bad about it.

Wonpil reaches into the bag with a trembly bottom lip, “I-I came over to apologize. And to give you this.”

In his hand now is a heart shaped pretzel, but not just the traditional heart shape. No, it was anatomically correct. Scarily so. It was also piping hot and looked rather tasty after a long day of work. You rarely indulged yourself in the enemy’s goods, but... “What do you mean, apologize?”

“I uh... I kinda totally screwed up. The thing is, I don’t hate you like you think I do. I actually really like you. I know that I don’t show it and it’s not much of an excuse, but it’s just... when I first met you, I was really, really nervous. You were so kind and funny and attractive... I froze up,” your eyes begin to bulge as he holds the pretzel out to you, “and I couldn’t act normally around you. Then people started saying we were rivals so I ran with it. Anything to get you to look at me.”

You check Wonpil’s face to see if he’s lying. He’s not, as far as you can tell, but you’d been a bad judge of his character before, “That’s really stupid, Wonpil.”

Instead of looking upset however, he laughs lightheartedly... like you’d kinda hoped he would laugh around you all along. It’s a sweet sound. You don’t even want to wring his neck right now. “I know. I don’t expect that to fix anything, but I still wanted to give you something. You can stomp it or throw it in the trash or feed it to the raccoon couple near Macy’s, I don’t mind. I just wanted you to know that I’m a really stupid guy who has a kind of embarrassingly huge crush on you. Happy Valentine’s day, (Name). I hope... I hope that we can at least be friends. Or enemies with a truce.”

Sincere. He was actually being sincere right now.

You drop the dustpan and push the swinging half-door open to leave your little kiosk, watching Wonpil as he turns to face you, pretzel still outstretched. You take it form his hands and watch his shoulders deflate in relief. A little overwhelmed with the fact that he’d just confessed to you, you test the waters, “So uh... you busy, Wonpil?”

The boy blinks rapidly, “N-No. Why?”

You take a bite from the warm pretzel and almost let out a humiliating moan in content. Goddamn, this boy made some mean pretzels. How could you ever turn that down? “There’s a movie playing in the theater upstairs in an hour. You know, that really bad remake? You wanna catch it together?”

Wonpil lets out an immediate “Yes. But... what do you wanna do until then?”

For the first time in two months, you allow Wonpil one real, warm smile once more, “You can start by finally answering all those questions I asked about you two months ago, for a start. I’d like to get to know my rival a little better.”

#wonpil scenarios #wonpil imagines #wonpil x reader #wonpil fluff #kim wonpil #day6 scenarios #day6 imagines #day6 x reader #day6 fluff #day6 #majwrites #i'll... put this in my masterlist later its 2 am #askfjasijf

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defencelesslou · 6 years

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Expiration | 1 || T.H AU

Summary: Everyone knows when everyone is going to die. It has been imprinted on our arms since birth. Everyone dies exactly when they are supposed to. Everyone except me and this other guy, Tom. We are passed our expiration date.

Word Count: 980

Notes: This is honestly so bad what am I doing, should I continue?

Feedback is majorly appreciated!!

* - represents a change in POV

Teaser | Two

14th February 2018

I’m going to die tomorrow.

I walk through the halls of my apartment complex running my hands over the walls, the paint chipping underneath my fingertips. The grey walls that made me feel sick. Made me feel as though the whole hallway could collapse onto me in any second, consuming me whole. I fumble to grab my keys out of my bag, dropping them in the process causing me to let out a frustrated groan. Finally managing to unlock the door I quickly walk into my living area, slamming the door shut behind me. I clench my eyes shut, eyebrows furrowing as I rub my face.

Letting out a sigh I walk towards the small area that I call a kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water, taking a sip as I remember the looks I received from the people on the street and in the shops, the small mumbles I hear from people I pass by, “Oh no honey,” or “I’m sorry”, they would say as they catch sight of the date on my arm.

15/02/2018

Rubbing at the clear reminder on my arm I place the water bottle on the counter, slipping off my shoes as I lean down to grab them, walking towards my bedroom, which consisted of a single bed, small desk, nightstand and a wardrobe designed for a small child.

So this was how it was going to end. Alone. In an apartment that I hate, with no one but myself. I never thought that this is how it would go, I believed as a child that I would go surrounded by the ones I know, but that’s just not the case now is it? God knows where the ones I loved are. Not that I care anymore. Running a hand through my hair I sit down on my bed, lying down so my legs are dangling off almost reaching the floor but just barely.

Shutting my eyes for a few seconds I think about how much of life I will miss out on. Having a family, getting married, all that basic stuff. Never was going to happen, not when my expiration date is when I’m only 20. I open my eyes, facing myself towards the calendar that hung loosely on the wall, the paint surrounding it, cracked.

I let out a sigh as I stare at the red circle circling tomorrows date. What have I accomplished? I graduated high school, went to university for a year then gave up and got two part-time jobs at two different retail stores. Nothing to be proud of.

Staring at the room around me I blink back the tears. Wishing that I could redo the past 20 years of my life, how many things I would have done instead of messing around, doing things I shouldn’t. I should have focused on the important things. Not people who would talk to me one day then ignore me the next. Focus on doing something with my life, something worth living for.

But what do I have to live for when I die tomorrow.

It’s not fair.

Glancing at the digital clock sitting on my nightstand, I read the time.

8:46pm

So little time left to live my life. So many places to visit, things to see. Holiday destinations. But I just couldn’t afford to go to places, with the income that I earn. People, celebrities I want to meet but never could, the times were never right. I just want more time.

“Tom,” I hear Harrison whisper, as he sees me staring at the date marked so clearly onto my wrist.

15/02/2018

I shake my head, quickly wiping away the tears that were starting to make their way down my face, one by one I would wipe them away, but they would just keep on coming and they wouldn’t stop until I was letting out sobs. I hear Harrison move next to me, faintly hearing him call for my family members.

They come in all together, all huddling around me, with Paddy sitting almost on my lap, his small arms wrapped around my left arm. Harry and Sam kneeling on the floor next to the couch I was sitting on, one hand one of my knees. I hear my mum and dad sniffling a meter away from me, holding onto each other for support as they look at me, all of us crying. I feel Paddy shake next to me, moving my arms around to hold tightly as I take in this moment where all of us are together.

“Tom…” My mum says, wiping her face as she moves her way over to me, Harry and Sam moving out of the way, Paddy still clinging to me for dear life. My dad makes his way over as well, both of them wrapping their arms around me as I cry into them.

“I’m- I’m not ready yet mum,” I whisper my voice coming out shaky and not clear.

“I don’t w-want to leave yet I can’t leave y-you all here.” I can hear Harrison turning to face away from me as I say those words, the sobs so quiet but not quiet enough that I wouldn’t hear them. Tears streaming down my face again like waterfalls.

“I know love, I know.” My mum says so quietly that if anyone made any other noise you wouldn’t hear her. Paddy lets out a small whimper causing me to hug him tighter, not liking the idea of my youngest brother so sad.

“I don’t want to go dad please,” I whisper into my dads shirt, he inhales shakily, looking down at me, shaking his head in a soft yet calming matter, I knew I had to go, But the thought of leaving my family scared me, and I’m pretty sure it scared them.

I’m not ready.

No one could be.

@girl-in-the-chair @sergantbarnesbitch @melicontreras18 @spidey-shit @cutiepie-holland @peterparkyourassonme @peters-vlogs @hollandahlia @reddiebichie @unknown-error-707 @1life-4hope @intellectualteacup @breadstick9847 @spidermannnn-n @hawaiiantozier @smexylemony @tiny-friggin-human @wywholland @daddarioissues @mcdonaldsicecreamcone @my-babies-are-ash @severalyearslater @therealwatermelon @tchalameme @trashqueenbitch

send me an ask to be added !!

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winterschild999 · 6 years

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Tie it up

SUMMARY - It’s a story of the events that lead to today ,Bucky and yours marriage .

WORDS - 2348

A/N - This is another fluff and I enjoyed writing me so much . This is dedicated to the my super talented friendo Justine @justareader for her B’day . I’m a little late,but I hope you had an amazing day . I hope you like it dude .

This is based on the song Tie it up by Kelly Clarkson.

I AM SO HAPPY WITH THIS . THIS IS FLUFFF.I hope you guys like it too.

15th January -First official day as an avenger

Pride filled your body as you walked through the hallway , your head held high , as smile on your lips ,a sense that you were chosen to do greater good and that it exactly what you will do.

Life hasn’t particularly been very kind to you but you weren’t one to complain.You will take whatever it throws at you and handle it with dignity. You were ready . You were ready to serve the world . You felt like you were reading for everything but you weren’t. You weren’t ready for love.

14th February-First Words

Awkward. Very awkward.The tower was fill with red roses,decorations all around , lovey dovey people every where. God , what you’d do to not be in this situation.The party wasn’t your scene but you stayed for a while. You couldn’t help but notice a certain someone steal glances at you once in a while. A blush creeping up your neck making you hot. You tried your best not to look back but you utterly failed. The navy blue tux looked amazing on him and the shy smile he gave when saw you looking made you heart swell . You walked out of there and to the balcony . Your dress not really suitable for the weather but the cold air still felt good as you got lost in the beauty of the stars . “Not a party person huh?” You jumped at the sudden intrusion of your thoughts and let out a sigh of relief when your eyes met Bucky .

“Umm ,no .Not really.” You could think of nothing else when you were talking to him . The time just went by . Whole night you spoke about random stuff, a little personal stuff, you got to look at the real Bucky . You felt light , you felt free and happy as you talked to him . No judgement on either side as you spoke about you and he spoke about himself. The conversation just flowed,it wasn’t like you had spoken the first time to each other. It was like you had always been friends.You wake up with your head on his shoulder as he was fast asleep.You smiled thinking about last night . You felt more connected to him .

20 March - First date

“Y/N , would you do the honours of going on a date with me?” Ahh shit,that sounds horrible. “You wanna go out with me baby?”*wink* What?What?You idiot. He slaps himself. Cool.Cool. You got this. “Y/n , would you like to go out with me?"Yeah , the sounds good. Right? He turns around when he hears laughter erupting and Steve and Wanda were standing at the door frame , laughing at Bucky practicing how he should ask you out . "God,Bucky . Just go and ask already ."Steve pushes Bucky out of the door . "Easy for you to say."Bucky mumbles as he makes his way to your room . "Y/n?"He slowly opens the door looking for you.You were fresh out of the shower in a bathrobe , your hair wet as you lay on bed scrolling through facebook . "Hey Bucky. What’s up"You gesture for him to come in as you sit on the edge of the bed. "I um..I wanted to ask if uhh…you know..if you’d..” “Just spit it out Bucky.” “If you’d like to go out on a date with me?” Bucky looked at the ground unable to meet your eyes. “I would love to ."You say sweetly and he looks at you with sparkle in his eyes and a wide smile. "Really?” “Really."you laugh . "Umm …tonight? 7pm” You nod and he sprints out the room with joy .

27 March - First kiss

A week .A whole fucking week since your date and Bucky still hasn’t made the move to kiss you . You knew he was shy , but so were you!!.You knew he wanted to , but he always hesitated when it came to it and would just find a reason to get away. As you walked to the kitchen you saw Bucky cooking.It wasn’t an uncommon sight . He loved cooking ,especially deserts and you weren’t one to complain.You loveeed eating sweets. “Mmmm , watcha making Buck."You say looking over his shoulder, on your tip toes. "I’m trying to make fudge brownies. The last two batches were horrible.” “Why?” “I don’t know."He says dipping his finger in the batter to taste it. "A little more sugar and chocolate."He says and starts looking for chocolate. "Um..you got something there."You point to his mouth which had a little bit of the brownie batter. "Gone?"He asks after rubbing a spot and you shake your head. "Now?"You shake your head again . "Here , let me."You say bring your finger to his mouth ,,but instead you get on your toes and press your lips to his.His whole body goes rigid , he doesn’t respond. You were scared that he didn’t like it …until his hand wrapped around your waist deepening the kiss . "I have a feeling this batch is gonna come out good.” “I do too."You say licking the brownie batter from your lips and smile at him.

20th June - The First time

"Are you sure?We don’t have to do this.” You pull Bucky closer to you by his shirt, pressing kisses over his shoulders. “I want to.Do you want me Bucky?” He bent down taking your lips in a passionate kiss guiding your legs back to the bed. You wake up with your head on his chest and look up at him .He looks so peaceful .So beautiful.You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. “It’s weird,stop staring."His voice a little hoarse. You giggle and get out of bed."I wasn’t staring.I was appreciating your beauty mister.” His face turned pink as he blushed. “Come here."You put on his shirt and sat on the edge of the bed . "I’m so happy to have you in my life.” You smiled at his sincerity . “I’m so happy to have you ..and this hot body."You winked . He clutched his chest in offence."Ah ,is that all I am to you . A hot body.” You start giggling and he couldn’t stop himself as he started laughing pulling you on top of him kissing you.

12th August - First ‘I love you’

His face was red with all the crying ,eyes puffy and blood shot. He refused to go back to his room to freshen up. He was going to stay here until you woke up. “Is she going to be okay?"He asked as the doctor walked out of the ICU . "Yes, she’ll be fine . Just a couple of days of rest.” He looked at you through the glass . He blamed himself for not being able to protect you. The mission was supposed to be easy . He was angry .Angry at himself.You were hurt. Everyday he sat by your bedside waiting for you to wake up . “Bucky?"your voice barely a whisper and if it weren’t for his advanced hearing he wouldn’t have heard it. "I’m here."Bucky says tears already welling in his eyes , clutching your hand afraid to lose you. "Oh god . I was so scared I was going to lose you .I don’t know what I would have done. I wanted to say so much to you. God , I don’t think I could live without you. I love you so much Y/n.I love you so much."He kissed the back of your hand , his tears falling on your hand . "Hey hey .I’m here. I am with you .Okay?I’m going no where….I love you too Bucky.”

13th October - First fight

“Are you fucking kidding me?"You screamed at the top of your lungs, anger radiating off of you in waves.You were so angry you could punch a hole through the wall if you wanted to. "Y/n at least listen to me."Bucky begged but he also knew that nothing could ease you now . "It.Was.My.Mission.” You push him hard by his chest and he stumbles a few steps back. “I know . It was too dangerous.” “You think I am not capable of doing it? You think I’m not good at it.I’m not strong enough . I may not be a super soldier like you but I can fucking do my shit."Your throat was aching with how loud you were screaming .Did he think of you that little,that you weren’t good enough to take on a mission yourself that he reassigned it to Nat. "Y/n ..Pl–please listen to me.” “I don’t want to .Leave me alone for a while."You say calmly walking to your room and shutting the door as hard as you could. As days went Bucky tried to apologise and reason with you many times. "I love you . And I don’t want you to get hurt. I was scared."He said. "I know you love me but you only belittle me when you do shit like this . I know it wasn’t your intention but that is how I feel. Like I am not capable enough to do it. So please..” “It won’t happen again . I’m sorry.” You nod as he pulls you against his chest hugging you hard.

25th December - First Christmas together

“Y/n come out."Bucky was banging on the door , begging you to open up . "No. I am never coming out wearing this."You hear him try to stifle his laughter. "It’s not that bad . I want to see it . Just come out.” It was probably the most ugliest sweater you have ever laid your eyes on and its not even those cute ugly ones , this was actually fucking ugly. With a groan you lift your body off the bed and walk to the door and open it . What you don’t know is that the whole team is waiting to see you . “Wow , Fucking great ."You go to close the door on their faces but Bucky stops it with his hand and enters your room engulfing you in a hug while the others were still laughing . "I hate you."You say against his ear. "I love you too baby.” You were so happy to see everyone so happy.It was the only family you have . And you were so very grateful to every single one of them. You couldn’t have asked for more.

12th January - The proposal

“I’m scared."Bucky looks to Steve for help ."It’s going to be fine . You love her and she loves you . There’s nothing to worry.”

“I don’t know.Will she say yes?” Steve puts his hands on Bucky’s shoulder trying to relax him . “Look at me . Just go , she’s waiting for you . Don’t let the nerves get you.” The view from your dinner table was so beautiful. But the view in front of you was even more beautiful. Bucky looked so good in the all black tux .Even after so many months you were swooning over him .You gave him a questioning look when a band came to play a romantic music near your table as he got down on his knee.OH MY GOD. “Bucky..” you couldn’t believe this was happening .Your eyes were already wet. “Y/n . I love you so very much . Would you make me the happiest man in the world by marrying me?” Most of the words were a haze to you , you were already blushing, your hands clasped to your mouth as you nodded and bent down to hug me . “Yes..Oh my god. Yes Bucky.”

14th February - Marriage

“I never thought some one would care for me . I never thought someone would touch me with such kindness and so gently. I never thought someone would look at me the way you do .I never thought someone would accept me for who and how I am . I never thought someone would look past my damage and choose to be kind to me . I never thought someone would love me ,until you . You not only made me happy but gave me hope to live. You made me feel like I deserve love. You made me realise that I am capable of loving someone . You made me a better man .But more importantly you made me human .You made me realise that I am not the monster I thought I was. You picked up broken pieces and pieced me back to life. A life that I thought I had to live alone and in loneliness. You have given me so much more that I could have ever asked for.And I will live my entire life making you happy .I can never repay you for what you did.But I can try . I will be by your side every step of the way.I never thought this day would come.I never..I never will hurt you . I will stay with you through thick and thin and give you strength . I hope to be yours for the rest of my life. I love you Y/n . I love you so much .” “Oh god.That was..My vows are nowhere close to that but here goes……When I look at you I see a man who loves me. When I look at you I see a man who deserves to be loved. I see a man so selfless . When I look at you all my fears are gone . I found a safe space in you.It’s been almost year but I still get butterflies when I look at you.You make me happy ,you make me feel loved .I want to wake up next to you ,in your arms for the rest of my life. I want to spend late nights crying at romcoms while you lend me tissues. I want to be there for you at your lowest.I want to…I just want to be with you forever. I know that life will throw hardships at us but I promise that it will never decrease my love for you . I love you and will always love you for who you are,that is James Buchanan Barnes the most wonderful man I have ever known.After Steve of course. I love you so much.” “Do you take James Buchanan Barnes to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do.” “Do you take Y/n Y/L/N to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do.” “Now you may kissed the bride.”

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