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hockeyboysiguess · 4 years

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impatient | m. tkachuk

a/n: a little bit of pining, a lot a bit of other things. this was super fun to write even if it killed me a little to do.

warnings: smut, swearing, alcohol, and more smut

(this is a new and optional (no pressure but I think it will add to your experience reading my fics) thing I’m starting where all of my fics now come with a recommended wine pairing to drink while you read. full disclosure, I know absolutely nothing about wine and don’t intend to learn a damn thing about it while doing this. i order by the color and price per glass. these recommendations are based off how I feel and nothing else)

wine pairing recommendation: pink moscato, because we’re all basic bitches for matty tkachuk and pink moscato is the basic bitch wine. you know you like it. don’t lie.

word count: 5.3K

“Fuck, Matty,” you breathed out between moans as your fingers threaded deeper into the mess of curls between your thighs.

“Oh, like that?”

His hot breath fanned out across your hot, sensitive core and you groaned at the sensation. Matthew leaned in closer to you, his broad shoulders pushing your legs further apart. He still stopped short of putting his mouth on you.

“Matthew, please,” you whined, your body stiffening as you tried to grind your hips down to get more contact.

“Patience,” he kissed the inside of your thigh, a few inches from exactly where you wanted his mouth, “is a virtue, honey.”

“I fucking hate you,” you complained, but it came out empty.

“Mm, that’s hot,” was all he said before his tongue finally touched your clit and you couldn’t help but let out an embarrassingly loud moan.

Your body decided that moment you finally felt the tension start to unfold was the perfect moment to wake you up from a dream you haven’t asked for, but decided to enjoy anyway.

“Oh, fuck me,” you groaned as you pulled the covers up over your face. “He’s everywhere.”

You stumbled slowly out of bed to the bathroom. Your inability to be patient meant you washed your face with water that was verging on ice cold, which luckily today came in handy and helped you cool you off from your dream. Matthew had found his way into a lot of your thoughts when you were by yourself. He was becoming absolutely unavoidable.

“Good morning!” your long-time roommate and self-identified best friend Kayla sang as you entered the kitchen.

You have her your customary grunt in reply. One of the biggest issues in your friendship with Kayla was that she was a literal ray of sunshine presenting as a human being. She was a blindingly bright, cheery, peppy morning person who wore her heart on her sleeve and believed that everything would be better with a sprinkle of sugar and a little more love. You couldn’t understand how a person older than eight could possibly have the personality Kayla did, but she’d made it this far into life like this, so this was how she was.

“I made you a smoothie bowl. It’s in the fridge next to your coffee that’s chilling so it can be iced coffee,” Kayla informed you, sounding more like she was meant to sing to birds so they would assist her in baking a cake than that she made you, a woman arguably resembling a river troll right now more than a person, a smoothie bowl and coffee.

You grabbed the bowl eagerly, needed something to try to get your mind from replying the self-created imagine of Matty’s shoulders and curly head between your thighs. You sighed as you took your seat at the breakfast bar next to Kayla. You dug in instantly. It was one of Kayla’s better ones.

“Is good, K,” you mumbled around the berries in your mouth.

“Thank ya,” she replied with a bright smile.

“K,” you wiped the corners of your mouth before you turned to her, “can I tell you something if you promise not to tell anyone else?”

“Of course!”

Kayla was lying and you knew it. Loose lips might sink ships, but your friendship was too strong to sink despite Kayla’s knack for spilling all the beans she knew as soon as she was pushed in the slightest of ways. But, you needed to get this off your chest.

“I had a sex dream about Matthew Tkachuk,” you said bluntly.

Kayla’s spoon paused on its journey to her mouth before it dropped back into the bowl aggressively. Little purple droplets of smoothie sprayed across counter due to her sudden movement. Her mouth dropped open as she processed what you said.

“It was like, almost a sex dream, I guess,” you sighed. “He was about to eat me out and his shoulders, god the shoulders and the curls, and it was just, it was so hot and I have no idea what this means.”

“If I start singing that nursery rhyme about you two sitting in a tree kissing are you going to throw your coffee at me?” Kayla was already wincing back in her seat with her hands protectively in front of her face before she finished her sentence. “This cream sweatshirt doesn’t deserve it even if I do for saying that.”

You rolled your eyes at her and turned your attention back to your quickly thinning breakfast.

“Do you maybe like him, like him?” she asked hesitantly.

“He’s super annoying, Kayla,” you reminded her, “and I doubt he’s even into me in the slightly.”

“He’s totally into you and I know you’re into him. Annoying and a big ego is your type. He’s annoying to you because he’s constantly pulling your metaphorical pig tails.”

You rolled your eyes again, wondering if maybe they were going to get stuck up there that your mom had always threatened when you were little, before replying with, “This isn’t elementary school, K. Even if I did have a little crush, he’s not that type of guy and I’m not his type. ”

She shrugged and put her hands up, telling you that her opinion was her opinion and you could like take it or leave it.

“I just told you what I think, that’s all,” she said. “I also think we need to dress you up extra hot for the bar tonight and you better shave, just in case, you know.”

-------

As the first shot of tequila burned down your throat later that night, you were starting to regret telling Kayla. She’d already had three drinks and around four was when the secrets started spilling out and Matthew was bound to show up any minute. The team had lost tonight, but they were still coming out to celebrate someone’s birthday.

“That shirt makes your boobs look amazing!” The last word was sung, entirely unsurprising with your best friend. “Thank god you let me do your makeup tonight too. He’s not going to be able to take his eyes off you.”

“K,” you sighed as you sat the empty shot glass down on the bar, “he’s not exactly a buy-you-roses, take-you-home-to-his-momma, remember-your-anniversary, kind of guy. Pretty sure, if I wanted to, this would be a one and done sort of thing.”

Kayla shook her head after taking another shot that you couldn’t identify the origin of since you didn’t have another. Oh great, four deep.

“I’m telling you, babe. He’s into you. Like, he’s actually into you,” Kayla told you.

“Who’s into you?”

As if on cue, with an actual tug of your ponytail, Matthew was by your side with his classic, every present cocky smile and mop of curly hair, grabbing your attention even though you didn’t want to give it to him.

“No one,” you told him. “You’re just in time to pay for my next drink though.”

“You’re the worst person I know,” Matthew told you with a sigh. “You just talk to me for my money, don’t you?”

“Well, it certainly couldn’t be because of your personality,” you chirped back.

His credit card still hit the bar a few seconds later though, a wide smile on his face. He slid tight up next you, one of his hands gently resting on your back as he threw some cash on the bar along with his card to catch a bartender’s attention. His hand pressed against your back was warm and strong and you wanted to lean into it, into him. You resisted, your body stiffening as you resisted the urge to collapse into him.

“Oh, sorry,” Matthew mumbled as he took his hand away.

“Oh, you’re good! You can keep it there if you want.”

You’d said it a little too quickly and with a little too much pep for you, but luckily the volume of the bar covered it. Matthew just nodded and let his hand gently rest on your back again, his fingers drumming against you, as he ordered his and apparently your next drink.

“Don’t I get to order myself?” you asked him as you tilted your head back to allow for eye contact.

“When you’re paying,” Matthew chuckled before giving your ponytail another quick tug. “So, how’s work? Pretty sure you know how mine went today, so distract me with yours, please.”

You just started to make small talk about your work and his when your drinks arrived. Matthew was already being pulled away from you the second his beer touched his hand.

“Find me in a few!” he shouted over the noise as he was led off to the dance floor.

You definitely didn’t like you if he left that quickly, but you tried to focus on your drink instead of him. You couldn’t figure out what he’d ordered you by the taste. It was strong, but still tasted good, which was about all that actually mattered. You shrugged it off and headed over to mingle among the team and your other friends, mystery drink in hand and thoughts of Matthew in your head.

By the time your ass was back on your barstool, you weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you’d had three of Matthew’s mystery drinks and you were feeling them. Still, even at your worst, you weren’t Kayla who had already been yelled three separate times by security for climbing on a chair, a table, and the bar. She could not hold her alcohol even if you paid her a million dollars to do it.

“Jesus, I’m amazed they haven’t kicked her out yet. I see we’re being boring over here though instead of fun like Kayla.”

Matthew. Of course he’d find you the second you decided to take a little breather. You rolled your eyes at him and he laughed lightly. You knew he was teasing. He was always teasing you, always chirping you. You took the last sip of your drink and began the internal debate on if you could handle one more or not.

“Look, Chucky Cheese, not all girl are table dancing types,” you sighed, settling on the idea that one more would probably more likely than not be one too many.

Matthew slid his stool closer to you as he waved the nearest bartender down to close out his tab, apparently deciding he was also done for the night along with you. The scent of his cologne was engulfing you in a way that made the rest of the world around you slowly start to disappear.

“I’m not into table dancing types,” he informed you as he intercepted your tab before you could glance at how much he was shelling out for you tonight. “More into the roommates of the table dancing types. Especially,” he slid the clipboard with the bill to the opposite edge of the bar as his eyes turned back to lock with yours, “when I have it on good authority that table dancing girl’s roommate is into me.”

If you’d still been drinking, you would’ve choked on it with that statement.

“What?” was all you managed to get out in response.

Matthew chuckled a little and nodded softly, as if he’d been expecting that very response. He pivoted on his stool to face you. Slowly and steadily, Matthew leaned in closer to you. Even sitting, he towered over you and it made your breath hitch in your throat. Him leaning into you like this enveloped you in the feeling of him and the smell of his cologne. His lips came to rest just next to the shell of your ear, accidentally grazing it for a moment. If you weren’t already sitting, your knees would’ve buckled.

“Kayla is a little too drunk to keep your dreams a secret. She said something about how my shoulders would look between your thighs? Could’ve heard that wrong though.” Matthew said softly to you. “It’s okay. I’m happy to make your dreams come true tonight.”

He paused for a second and you weren’t sure if you had breathed the entire time he’d spoke. He took a deep breath before continuing.

“That is, if you’re interested.”

Loose lips sink ships, but maybe, just maybe, Kayla’s loose lips were about to make something float for the first time in her life.

“Don’t worry so much,” he whispered against your ear as he sensed your nerves, his lips ghosting across your sensitive skin as he spoke, “I want you so fucking bad right now.”

He pulled back, settling onto his stool again with practiced ease, and your heart started racing in your chest. You could barely hear the crowd over your heart beating in your ears. You had to think of something to say and you didn’t have a lot of time to do. Your brain was racing, not landing on any thought in particular long enough for it to take hold. Matthew knew he had you exactly where he wanted and his confidence was turning you on in a way that you hated that you loved. He leaned in closer to you, his smirk still strong as he came closer to you, his mouth inches from yours. You wanted to throw him off guard, wipe that cocky smirk right off his face, so you said the first thing that came to mind.

“You’ve got to buy me dinner first, Tkachuk.”

You didn’t know what part of your brain found those words. You didn’t know why they’d come out of your mouth. You didn’t even know how truly interested you were. The last one was a lie to yourself, but those words were a 50/50 gamble. Maybe he wanted to fuck you and take you to dinner. Maybe he just wanted one night to get over a tough division loss tonight. You had no evidence other than Kayla’s pigtail pulling theory to support the idea that maybe he might not just be looking for a one night stand and Kayla was so often wrong.

“Hmm, any chance I can cash in on dessert tonight and take you to dinner tomorrow?” The smirk was replaced with a soft smile, a smile that made you want to fall right into his broad chest and never leave. “Because I’m not exactly super patient here and I know you’re going to look absolutely killer in a tight dress at the stupidly expensive restaurant I’m going to take you to tomorrow night, but you’d also look so fucking good in my bed right now.”

"Is that so?” you asked him, stealing his smirk from earlier. “How nice is this restaurant?”

“Not as nice as I’m going to make you feel in a few minutes if you let me.”

You pressed your mouth against his as your way of answering. Matthew’s hands were on your waist, pulling you off your stool and into him as he took over, his mouth working aggressively against yours. Your hands clasped together behind his neck, securing you against him. Matthew was the one to pull back, surprising you. He released one hand from your waist to pull his phone out of his pocket and open up Uber on his phone.

“Unless that didn’t mean what I think it meant, I’m taking you home, woman,” Matthew said as he ordered the car.

“What ever do you think it could mean?” you countered in the lightest, brightest sarcastic voice you could find.

“Don’t tease me like that,” Matthew smirked, his face inches from yours now that his phone was secured in his pocket again. His forehead dipped down to press against yours. “You want this, right?”

“I’m just in this for the idea that the stupidly expensive restaurant has lobster,” you teased him again.

He shook his head softly and let out a soft breath before kissing you again in a way that told you that you were about to be in for a hell of a night. The Uber to his place was a blur for you due to alcohol and anxiety. You wanted Matthew. You knew for certain he wanted you too. That didn’t mean doubt and insecurities weren’t trying to worm your way in and ruin this for you. Matthew’s arm around your shoulders pulled you back to the present. He was pressing you tight against him in the elevator ride up to his apartment.

“Stop with the mind racing thing you do. I can see the hamsters running up there,” Matthew laughed, his head falling back against the elevator to rest as he looked at you. “You’re not going to have to dream about this anymore. You get the real thing and I’m buying you dinner. You’ve come out on top here, even though you’re not actually going to be on top tonight.”

“Keep chirping me and see if I won’t turn around right now,” you replied as the elevator doors opened.

“Your prerogative,” Matthew shrugged and he pulled his keys out with his free hand, “but I think taking your right hand over me is a poor choice for you.”

“Aw, you think I don’t own a vibrator.” Matthew’s hand stumbled as he tried to put the key into the lock, probably something to do with what you’d just said. “Cute of you.”

“Own anything else I might want to know about?” he asked you curiously as he pushed open his door after successfully wrangling his key.

“All in due time, Tkachuk,” you said with a pat of his broad chest as you breezed past him into his apartment.

Matthew breathed out a long sigh. It turned slowly into a chuckle towards the end as he shut the door, his mind jumping forward to when you’d hopefully let him see whatever you were alluding to that was in the back of your top drawer. You didn’t make it far into Matthew’s apartment before his large hands grabbed your hips and spun you to face him, his mouth crushing against yours moments later. Your hands grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and started to pull it up.

“Whoa, whoa, easy there, tiger,” Matthew laughed against your mouth while letting his hands take over and pull his shirt up. “We just got here.”

“If you’re in a slow and steady mood, I’d rather go home to my vibrator.”

Matthew pulled back from your mouth, still laughing as he tossed his shirt to the floor. He didn’t answer you, instead choosing to attach his mouth to your neck, nipping at the thin skin there as your hands found purchase on his bare chest. His teeth grazed across the skin over your collarbone as he worked his way down and your nails slid down his chest, leaving red lines down his pale skin.

“Jesus, fuck,” Matthew groaned out as your actions, his voice only deepening due to the sensation.

His hands on your hips gripped hard, the tips of his fingers pressing into the exposed skin where your shirt had rode up. Matthew slowly guided you backwards until you felt the back of your knees hit the edge of a couch cushion. Matthew left a searing kiss on your lips before he gave you a shove so you fell back on the couch.

“Clothes, off,” Matthew told you as he unbuckled his belt.

“You think-”

“I am in charge. Don’t even,” he laughed softly as he yanked his belt from the belt loops in his jeans and dropped it to the floor. “You’re still very dressed by the way.”

You huffed and stuck your tongue out at him, only making him laugh harder, but you listened to him nonetheless, tossing your clothes to the floor along with his. Matthew stopped with just his boxers left, and you followed his lead. His light eyes were darker as he took in the sight of you in just your bra and panties. Kayla had insisted you wear the one matching set you owned tonight and you made a mental note to thank her tomorrow. Matthew’s tongue darted out to lick across his bottom lip.

“Man, that’s a good look for you.” Matthew paused as he climbed over you, holding up his large frame over yours on the couch on his hands pressed into the cushions next to your head. He lowered his mouth to the swell of your breast, biting gently into the soft skin there. He mumbled against your skin, “Don’t wear clothes anymore.”

“I think I need to, to go to work,” you muttered, your mind far more occupied with what Matthew’s mouth was doing at the moment than speaking.

His hands were coasting up and down your skin, over your thighs, across your stomach. He was touching every part of you and your body was coming alive under his touch. You opened your mouth to add something, but Matthew had used that same moment as his opportunity to pull one of the lace cups of your bra aside and quickly take your now exposed nipple into his mouth. Your open mouth turned into a loud moan as his tongue rolled across the sensitive nub smoothly. You were already almost seeing stars when he gingerly took it between his teeth for a moment.

The bra which had previously been something he appreciated, was now in his way, so it ended up on the floor with the rest of your clothes. Matthew groaned at the site of you without it. He’d decided that naked was your best look, before he’d even gotten you completely naked. You could feel his eyes drinking you in and you would have felt self conscious if not for the fact that Matthew shifted over you, pressing his hardness against your thigh in a desperate attempt for friction.

“Why didn’t we,” Matthew took your other nipple into his mouth mid sentence, letting one of his hands finally stop moving across your skin, to pinch your other nipple between his fingers. He repeated his actions from the other side, tongue rolling your nipple softly before taking it between his teeth. His fingers pinched the other roughly as he did this, making your whine underneath him. He finally finished after releasing your nipple with a soft pop, “do this sooner?”

“I don’t know, but I really need you to touch me,” you whined, your hands flying to his shoulders to push him down.

He didn’t budge. After all, he was a professional athlete with the strength and weight to match the job title. He relented though without much effort on your part, after throwing you a teasing grin, and pulled your panties down your legs with two fingers hooked into each side. He sank onto the couch between your thighs. You gasped as you could feel his hot breath on your wet slit. Matthew looked at you, taking in everything that was in front of him.

“You,” he pressed a kiss to the left side of your inner thigh, “are,” he kissed the opposite side, “so,” he kissed higher up on the left side, closer to where you wanted him, “fucking,” he kissed the opposite side at the same distance from your slit. His mouth moved closer, hovering an inch above your core and he added, “Sexy,” before pressing his tongue between your folds and licking in one firm line up to your clit.

Your eyes rolled back in your head at the contact and your hips bucked up toward his mouth to try and get more contact. One of Matthew’s hands came down low on your stomach and pushed you flat back onto the couch.

“Easy, easy,” he soft softly, giving your clit a gentle, chaste kiss. “I’ve got you.”

You let out a deep breath as you tried to get your body back under your control. Your control held until Matthew’s tongue started to circle your clit for the first time. He was pulling moans from your throat that you didn’t know you made as he worked your clit slowly and steadily. Matthew was brash and bold and fast on the ice, but he was steady here, taking his time. You were his guide as he let the noises he was causing you to make guide him.

You took notice when he flatted his tongue against your clit and looked up at you, his blue eyes locking with yours for a moment. He slowly and purposefully applied more pressure on your clit before shaking his head back and forth, dragging his tongue across your clit firmly. Your eyes slammed shut and your hands flexed into his curls at the sensation.

“Matthew, fuck,” you managed to break out, your voice cracking between the words. “Holy fuck.”

“Easy, baby. Easy,” Matthew reminded you softly before returning to you.

He ran his tongue down your slit again, dipping it ever so slightly into you, making you squirm and whine, before returning his attention to your clit. He started moving his tongue faster, sliding left to right against the sensitive bundle of nerves as he could hear the noises you were matching shift and build. You were becoming more restless under him as your orgasm starting building, desperate to feel that release. Matthew was impatient to get you into his bed, or onto his couch, earlier but he was so very patient now, milking you slowly and gently, making sure to savor every taste of you he was getting, making sure you were enjoying yourself.

“Matthew, more, please,” you begging softly, tugged his curls to try to push him more into your core.

He listened, suddenly taking his clit into your mouth and sucking softly on it. You were seeing stars by the time he released it, his tongue moving in quick circles over it. You were so distracted that you didn’t noticed his hand move from your stomach until you felt two of his fingers slide into you. The new feeling pulled you over the edge almost instantly. Matthew’s fingers pumped in and out of you as his tongue continued his movement on your clit to bring you through your orgasm.

“Oh, my, god,” you breathed out, your chest heaving, as Matthew slowly pulled back from you.

“I don’t think god had anything to do with that actually,” he joked in reply, throwing you a wink that made you remember exactly the kind of guy he really was.

You were about to throw that back in his face, until he slid the two fingers that had been in you into his mouth, sucking them clean in front of you. Your mouth was slack as you watched him, drinking in the sight in front of you.

“Dessert was fucking delicious by the way,” he told you after releasing his now clean fingers.

He pushed up off the couch and disappeared down the hallway. You heard a drawer open in what you assumed was his bedroom and shut quickly after. You were still catching your breath by the time he was back, foil packet in hand.

“Yes?” he asked, lifting the condom up slightly to you as his way of checking with you.

“Please,” you simply replied.

Your dream hadn’t even gone as what he’d just finished, but you can’t say you hadn’t imagined this before. You desperately wanted to know what it felt like to have him inside you. Matthew nodded in response before dropping his boxers to the floor, quickly ripping open the foil packet and rolling the condom down his hard shaft. He sighed happily as he looked you over, stroking himself a few times.

“Hands and knees,” he told you as he crossed the room to you.

You obliged, flipping over onto your knees, bracing your arms on the back of the couch for more leverage. You felt Matthew sink onto the couch behind you before one of his large hands gripped your ass roughly, squeezing it. He gave the now reddened skin a soft tap before his hand slid to your hip to steady himself as he lined up with you. You both moaned as he slowly slid into it, your wetness allowing for him to enter you in one smooth motion until his hips were pressed against your ass.

“Jesus, shit,” Matthew mumbled before taking a deep breath. “You feel so fucking good. Christ, woman.”

“You going to lose it or are you actually going to be able to-”

You didn’t get to finish that sentence as Matthew pulled almost all of the way out before roughly slamming his hips forward until they met your ass again. You gasped at the sudden and now unrelenting movement as Matthew moved at a rough, fast pace, thrusting in and out of you quickly. You gripped the back of the couch and began to push off from the couch slightly, meeting his thrusts with small movements of your own, making him curse between his teeth at how deep he was inside of you each time.

One of Matthew’s hands was digging into the skin of your hip, steadying him to you and his other was on your shoulder, fingers slowly sliding over from the back of your shoulder to the front, inching ever so slightly toward your neck. You knew what he wanted, but wouldn’t ask for this time around, but you could offer it. You steadied yourself with one forearm on the back of the couch before sliding your free hand up to grab his. His rhythm flattered a little until he realized what you were doing, and then he almost fell apart far too early. You gently guided his fingers until they were wrapped around your throat.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he spat out between thrusts.

You nodded and he slowly and steadily applied pressure to your throat, the side of his hand from his index finger to his thumb pressing in just the right spot to restrict your breathing, but not cut it off dangerously. You started moaning louder with the added sensation and Matthew’s thrusts were becoming sloppy. You knew he wanted to last longer, but he got caught off guard by your assertiveness in the best way possible and wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer.

“Fuck, fuck,” Matthew mumbled before his breathing hitched in his throat.

He groaned, his hand squeezing down hard on your throat, as his thrusts started to slow as he came down from his high. He collapsed down onto your back when he was finished, releasing your throat so he could wrap his arms around your stomach and give you a quick squeeze. Matthew pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder before slowly pulling out of you. You sighed as you flipped over so you were sitting up on the couch, giving your knees a break.

Matthew climbed off the couch and headed back down the hallway, returning a few moments later with a damp washcloth for you. You were surprised by the gestured, but grateful for it nonetheless.

“I meant it,” Matthew told you as he dropped down on the couch next to you, a water bottle in hand.

You gave him a curious look, trying to figure out what he was referring to in that moment. He took a swig from the bottle before answering.

“Taking you out tomorrow,” he continued when he saw your confusion. He passed you the bottle, before continuing, “I meant it.”

"I didn’t think you weren’t,” you replied with a shrug before popping open the bottle to take a few swigs, grateful for the cool water since you’d both managed to work up a sweat during that.

“Good,” he nodded, curls bouncing with his movement.

The moment was sweet, too sweet for how the rest of the evening had gone. The teasing tone that covered not only the evening, but your friendship with Matthew needed to return. Matthew was also too sure of himself to miss the opportunity at his feet.

“So, did I live up the dream?” he asked you, a cocky grin on his face that matched his tone. “Actually, I know I was better. But how much better was I?”

#Matthew Tkachuk #matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk fanfic #nhl fanfic #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #nhl blurbs #nhl imagine #Hockey Fanfiction #hockey writing #hockey imagine

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toaarcan · 3 years

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One ship exposes everything wrong with TRoS

Heaven help me, I’m back on my bullshit.

Alright, so, I enjoyed The Rise of Skywalker when I watched it. I actually watched it twice, once on my own when I rushed to see it as soon as possible in order to beat spoilers, and once with my family, in what was a semi-annual new year tradition for us during those four years that a Star Wars film released.

But that doesn’t mean it was good. I enjoyed Transformers: Dark of the Moon the first time I watched it, and that movie’s still a steaming pile of shit. I was admittedly fifteen when I saw DotM, but still.

My point is that I’m fully capable of enjoying crappy films.

But there’s one thing, one thing about TRoS that exemplifies so many of the problems with TRoS as a whole, if not everything (And by that I mean with TRoS specifically, the woeful treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran is a Whole Trilogy Problem). And it’s a ship. Specifically this ship.

The Resistance Y-Wing. I hate this ship with the fiery passion of an exploding star, and to talk about why, we need to first go back to The Last Jedi and its conspicuous lack of Y-Wings.

One of the things that I disliked most about the Sequels before TRoS put all the other problems into stark light was the lack of new ships. Instead of new vehicles, we got shinier, sleeker versions of the ships from the original trilogy. And I disliked this because it’s the opposite of what the Prequels did.

Episodes I-III don’t feature more primitive versions of the X-Wing and TIE Fighter, but instead have similar vehicles that evoke the classics while still having an identity of their own.

The ARC-170 looks kinda like an X-Wing, but it’s bigger and has more weapons and crew, and you get why the well-funded Republic can afford things like this while the scrappy Rebels can’t.

The Eta-2 is a predecessor to the TIE Fighter, but it being employed exclusively by Jedi makes a lot of sense, of course a precognitive wizard with superhuman reflexes can do well in a light, unshielded ship, while in the hands of the Empire’s military they’re just expendable swarm fighters.

But then in the Sequels, rather than evolve the ships into new forms, they just made new incarnations of the X-Wing, TIE Fighter, A-Wing, TIE Interceptor, B-Wing, and of course the Y-Wing.

Well, except for one movie: The Last Jedi.

At the outset of the film, we’re introduced to this ship.

This is the MG-100 StarFortress, AKA “That ship all the Star Wars Youtubers hate”. It’s designed to be a much heavier and bulkier version of the B-Wing Starfighter, and is even made by the same people.

From questions about how the bombs “fall” toward the Dreadnought (The answer is magnets) to claims that they’re completely useless because most of the ones in the film died so easily, these things have been put through the wringer by the fandom, and honestly they don’t deserve it? What destroyed the StarFortresses in the film wasn’t their own weaknesses, but them being deployed in too tight a formation. It was a tactical fuckup, not a problem with the ship’s design.

And given that the whole point of the battle over D’Qar is that Poe makes a tactical fuckup to kickstart his development into the new leader of the Resistance as a whole, adding another layer makes sense to me.

But we live in a post-CinemaSins world of media consumption, where every plot-point that isn’t spelled out with a flowchart and an audio commentary by the writers is actually a plothole.

We also live in an era where Star Wars fans pine for the days of the Legends canon where everything about new ships, species, and worlds was explained in background lore and books, and are angry that the new Canon is... doing exactly the same thing?

Seriously, how much exposition and lore dumping is actually present in any of the Star Wars films? Not a whole lot. And that applies to all three eras.

So the StarFortress’ appearance in the film and the lack of Y-Wings led to a bevy of armchair writers demanding to know why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings and why they were using those “Resistance Bombers” that are just ‘terrible’.

Answer? Because the Y-Wings sucked shit.

Seriously, go back to the Original Trilogy and try to keep track of the Y-Wings, and see what they actually do, and you’ll find that what they do is “Explode, mostly.”

We’re first introduced to the Y-Wings in A New Hope, and they’re supposed to be the ones performing the Trench Run while the X-Wings cover them, and to their credit, they try.

And then they all get blown up by Vader and his wingmen before they can even take a shot at the exhaust port. Well, except that one that appears with the rebel ships flying away from the Death Star.

Where the fuck were you when the X-Wings were doing the attack run?

The Y-Wings got absolutely wrecked.

Ancillary media would go on to explain that the Y-Wings were beat-up old vehicles that were no longer fit for purpose, but the Rebels had to use them anyway because they had basically no money. They’d stripped down the ships and removed a bunch of their more costly features just to make them viable, and the results of that were pretty clear.

Of course, the Y-Wings were still present in the later films. They don’t do anything in The Empire Strikes Back, but they play a role in Return of the Jedi.

Naturally, that role is mostly “Get blown up while the other ships do the important stuff”.

Despite supposedly being a fighter-bomber that was designed to do significant damage to capital ships, does the Y-Wing play a role in the destruction of the Executor? Does it fuck. Destroying the Imperial flagship’s deflector shields and the subsequent suicidal ram attack on the bridge are tasks that are both performed by the goddamn A-Wings. Y’know, the light interceptors?

The Y-Wings get shown up at their own job by the ships that are there to protect them from TIE Fighters.

Ancillary media again explains why they’re still there. While the Rebels have a newer, better fighter-bomber in the B-Wing, the B-Wing is expensive as fuck and also really difficult to fly.

A non-centreline cockpit that rotates will do that to a ship.

Still, the B-Wing was a better bomber than the Y-Wing ever was (And the StarFortress was better than them both at that role).

All this adds up to a simple fact: There were very good reasons why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings. And there were even reasonable reasons to choose the StarFortress compared to the B-Wing itself, given that the Resistance are still undermanned and under-funded, especially with the New Republic getting nuked midway through The Force Awakens. It being easier to fly and having more armaments would have made it a viable choice for the Resistance.

Buuuut oops, people didn’t like the StarFortress and we can’t make the Internet angry at us again! Better put the Y-Wings back in for Episode IX, and show them destroying a Xyston-class Destroyer, that’ll make them happy!

And sure, okay, giving the Resistance a fighter/bomber is probably a good idea. And they already have New X-Wings and New A-Wings, so where’s the harm in a New Y-Wing?

Alright, alright, sure. But why the fuck does it look like this?

If this is a new ship, why is it already stripped-down like the ones in the Original Trilogy? Why doesn’t it look like the actual brand-new Y-Wings we saw in The Clone Wars?

Now that’s more like it. Still visibly a Y-Wing, but with more of an identity of its own.

Seriously, “Literally the same ship but without its armour pulled off” has more of a unique identity than the crowd-pleasing New Y-Wing.

And that, in and of itself, is the essence of The Rise of Skywalker.

It’s blind, empty fanservice, rushing to include as much nostalgia-pandering as possible to try and get the fanbase back on-side after The Last Jedi didn’t do what the fanboys wanted it to do.

This is a whole near- three hour movie whose only message is “Yes, Youtubers making TFA critiques longer than an entire season of TCW, we hear you, we’ll make it for you, please love us!”

And, almost entirely predictably, it was shite.

It was riddled with plotholes and none of the scenes had any time to breathe because the movie was too desperately trying to rush itself to the next crowd-pleasing scene in a desperate attempt to wank off as many disgruntled fanboys as it possibly could.

Luke with his green saber! Jedi Leia! Chewie gets a medal! Lando! Luke raises his X-Wing out of the water! The main villain is a testicle in a bathrobe again! Snork origin! Original-flavour Star Destroyers! Rose doesn’t exist! Rey had a super-special secret magical bloodline the whole time and Luke and Leia totally knew even though Luke has literally no idea who she is in Episode VIII! Luke actually was just afraid of the bad guys in Episode VII, none of that self-imposed exile for his own mistakes nonsense! Y-Wings.

I mean fuck. Disagree with Luke’s portrayal in TLJ all you like, I certainly have my issues with it, but I lay those at the feet of JJ for making Luke’s absence into one of his fucking Mystery Boxes, and then deciding that, even though last time Luke sensed Leia and Han might be in danger, he abandoned his Jedi training, hopped in an X-Wing, and flew halfway across the galaxy to try and save them, he wouldn’t do shit when the First Order pointed a star-powered System-Killer 9000 at Leia, and Han got himself killed trying to redeem Kyle Ron. Like how in fuck was Rian supposed to explain Luke’s inaction in VII?

But regardless of the problems with that Luke portrayal, at least Mark Hamill gave it his all. Hell, it might be his best performance in the Star Wars franchise!

In TRoS, he shows up in a bad wig, waves a middle finger at TLJ, and ascends to his final form as a Lightsaber Delivery Boy, because apparently all you need to kill a Sith who literally clawed his way back from death is two lightsabers. Haunting Kyle Ron? Nope. Providing guidance as a ghost? Not really.

And y’know what the kicker is? It didn’t fucking work. Lucasfilm and Disney fucking gutted this trilogy, sliced out the integrity, surgically removed the soul of Episode IX in a desperate effort to make the Internet’s most unpleasable fanbase happy, and it didn’t work. They still hate it! Now they just concoct hour-long videos about how much they would’ve preferred to have the Trevorrow script (Which is admittedly much better, albeit still with it’s far share of giant flaws), which was probably thrown out because it wasn’t fanservicey enough!

The Rise of Skywalker is an awful film. It’s a loose collection of nostalgia-baiting moments, roughly stapled together around the skeleton of a plot that was never properly developed. It’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of a movie, but, and I say this with full offense, the Victor Frankenstein in this tragic story isn’t Lucasfilm or Disney or Kathleen Kennedy or Rian Johnson, or even JJ Abrams. It’s you, Star Wars Fandom. It is your monster.

#Star Wars #The Rise of Skywalker #Disney #Lucasfilm #Episode IX #Episode VIII #Episode VII #The Last Jedi #The Force Awakens #Y-Wing Starfighter #B-Wing Starfighter #MG-100 StarFortress

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sokkas-honour · 3 years

Text

@fivxss here are your ships, hopefully they’re all right :) the planotic ships are mentioned in the ship headcannons for the 3 of them :)

i went for a modern context for both atla and lok as that’s what came to me after the mcu ship :)

okay so, without further ado, here they are!!

for mcu, i ship you with...

michelle jones!!

okay so, hear me out, she’s a bit more on the quieter side and you’re a bit more on the louder side, baseball player and artist, outgoing and closed off.

yall would be an adorable couple

at first, people might think you’d both be a quiet couple but as soon as you’re comfortable, you’re the first one to speak

michelle loved hearing you speak and get to know others

she’s fine watching you shine in the corner of the room as long as you give her your undivided attention when you two were alone

and you do ofc, like just imagine the both of you sitting on her bed just talking

and some days it’s just her drawing and you playing animal crossing in like the most peaceful silence

basically every moment alone between the two of you is just like a perfect and tender moment

she also sketches you playing video games, like half of her sketchbook is just you but you’re not allowed to see it. (youve most definitely looked through it though, but you keep it secret)

your main group of friends are a part of the baseball team but you totally get along really well with ned and peter

they all go see your games bc mj makes it a point to always be there

she’s not that into baseball but loves sketching you playing, she loves seeing you in your uniform and concentrated on the game

she rlly loves seeing you in your uniform

you’ve had sleepovers with only ned and peter where you guys basically just chug monsters and play video games all night long

mj’s been invited but genuinely doesn’t see the point in literally not sleeping and drinking monsters (she probably doesn’t understand why you like it)

you manage to get animal crossing for her because you insist that you both need to visit each other’s islands and she finds that adorable

peter and ned are so happy when you two finally get together because they’ve had to watch michelle pine for you without telling them, but they knew of course.

for one of your birthdays, she gifted you a full sketchbook of basically sketches of just you which you keep as your most prized possession

all three of them help you with your homework, especially mj, she loves helping you study but you she sometimes gets a little too invested in helping which means you usually turn to peter for help.

pda isn’t common but it’s not unheard of, it’s more small things. putting your head on her shoulder, kissing her on the cheek in the morning, small hugs, and the occasional hand holding.

midtown is a pretty accepting school but when the odd person makes a homophobic comment, mj is always the one to shut them up with a snarky comment, you love it when she does that.

now for atla (in a modern context), i ship you with....

sokka!!

diverting from the more opposite lovers in the mcu, i think that sokka and you are similar enough to be able to relate to each other but stuff different enough to not be copies of each other

both of you are outgoing but he’s outgoing from the get go meanwhile it takes a little while for you to open up

but when you’re comfortable yall are the most outgoing pair out there and the loudest couple in the room but you both could careless bc you’re always laughing and joking around

he loves joking around, i mean he’s hilarious.

the pda initiated by him, if you’re comfortable with it ofc, is so extensive. hugs, lots of hugs, arm slung around your shoulders, arm around your waist, hand holding, etc. if you’re not comfortable with it he’ll tone it down but it’s impossible for him to not show everyone how much he loves you. (both modern and canon tbh)

a modern sokka would totally love video games so video game dates happen a lot

he also loves monster energy but sticks with the classic flavours

he collects them though and makes monster energy guns (katara hates when he does that)

you once had to stop him from pouring monster into your plants instead of water because to him, they’re the exact same. (katara rlly is worried about his health)

you once found him talking to your plants as if they were pets which was hilarious so you filmed it and he still doesn’t know why or how toph knows because she constantly makes fun of him

he’s your number one fan at your games, he wears your team’s merch, he paints your number on his cheeks, and he’s your loudest supporter

i couldn’t figure out a platonic ship here as i feel like you’d get along really well with all of them but you’d definitely get along famously with suki

the two of you totally tease sokka all the time, like even more than with toph

and finally for lok, i ship you with....

kai!!

(he’d be adapted to whatever age you are btw :) )

kai is a go with the flow kinda of guy and tends to be very outgoing

but he’s extremely respectful of your boundaries and feelings so whenever you feel shy, he’ll do whatever he can to make sure you feel comfortable in whatever situation you’re in

in a modern day setting, he’d totally play animal crossing with you and would be constantly yelling at how frustrating the game could get

dates would be chill, usually just hanging out in each other’s room or just discussing different topics while laying on the ground and watching the clouds pass. (canon and modern)

in a modern setting, he might not be able to always make your games, and believe me he always feel terrible about it, but he’ll always make sure to just throw the ball around with you whenever he can

he loves wearing your baseball cap/visor and it takes a long time to get him to give it back.

he’s also the guy to steal your food in front of you without you even knowing and will totally try to drink out of your monster can even when he has his own

in a canon setting, so many trips on lefty!! dates on lefty where he’ll be “driving” and you’ll just watch the clouds move along the sky. some dates on lefty are just spent in each other’s company while others are spent talking about whatever’s on your mind

talking about kai and bolin with opal while having friendly picnics

shed also play animal crossing with you in a modern world, you two spent hours either playing mini games on nh together or just have some background music on while you each play separately

it’s the kinda of friendship where you can basically spend time together and don’t need to interact for it to be fun

you’re the most outgoing of the two and kai loves how you try to encourage opal to do more daring things with you

flying bison races between lefty and pepper with you on lefty and bolin on pepper while you two cheer on your partners

#400celebration

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cupcakeb · 4 years

Note

Mkay so, ops on these ships/+the characters MarinaxSamu MarinaxNano NanoxRebe RebexSamu CarlaxSamu CarlaxPolo PoloxValxCaye ValxRebe PoloxChristian PoloxChristianxCarla GuzmánxLu GuzmánxNadia AnderxOmar Malik(?)xOmar And NadiaxVal, sorry there's so many lmao

I have a lot of opinions on all of these, but let me try to keep this brief! (update: I definitely did not stick to that) Marina/Samu: boooring, though I will say s1 Samuel was goofy and cute Marina/Nano: great chemistry (makes sense since the actors are dating) but they would’ve been super unhappy together the second Marina snapped out of her teenage rebellion and realized she’s now stuck with a deadbeat fool and a baby. Nano/Rebe: INTRIGUING! Rebe/Samu: Why.... Just why... much better off as friends, though idk why she’d even still be friends with him after the shit he pulled with her mom. Carla/Samu: I think they sort of worked in S2 because Ester literally has intense sexual chemistry with EVERYONE. Other than that the writers made both of them act completely out of character just to sort of make Carmuel work and I’m not a fan. The pining in s3 was super random unless they had a whole deep emotional relationship that we didn’t see on screen. (if so, why did we only get to see them eating/talking about pasta?? bad writing) Carla/Polo: I am so sad we never really got to see them together aside from small glances in s1 because I genuinely think they had such an interesting dynamic. If he wasn’t dead I’d say they’re the kind of couple that finds it’s way back to each other eventually. Polo/Val/Caye: Again, intriguing! I think it took two of the most interesting characters on the show to make Cayetana even remotely likable for a minute. Valerio/Rebeka: Total OTP material. I WISH the writers had explored their friendship/chemistry/EVERYTHING more. They are a bizarrely good match. Polo/Christian: One sided, Christian was clearly 0% into Polo Polo/Carla/Christian: Super super fun! Way more interesting than the s3 trio. The contrast between Polo and Christian’s personalities, the long standing relationship Carla and Polo had before Christian came into the picture... Good stuff! Guzmán/Lu: I think they were actually a good match, but got together at the wrong time. Both of them need to mature a ton to really be able to grasp the sort of love they clearly have/had for each other. Does that make sense? IDK... my personal opinion is that they would work well ten years in the future. Guzmán/Nadia: IMO their entire dynamic is a classic example of teenage infatuation. It was interesting to see, but the will-they-wont-they got a bit old and their weird kissing (lol) really put me off in s2. Not to mention that Guzmán is a total asshole for cheating and I’d kind of expect Nadia to be better than to go along with that. Their s3 ending was absolutely ridiculous and unrealistic and criiiinge. (They will SO not wait for each other, who does that at age 18) Ander/Omar: Fun in s1. Weird to see the writers trying to push them so hard, I’m 99% sure it’s to pander to fans because they realize they have a huge obsessive following. Their relationship is kind of toxic, unhealthy, and IMO their chemistry isn’t even great. Feels a bit odd to pretend it’ll work long term. S3 was a mess (cancer??? cheating?? all of it) for them and I have no clue what other drama the writers can even throw at them in s4. Malik/Omar: let’s just say I firmly believe Malik should’ve never been on the show at all Nadia/Val: They actually had some really good chemistry in s2 and an interesting dynamic. I definitely see why people ship them!

basically I think most characters on this stupid show work together because most of the actors are incredibly attractive and decently talented so you can make a case for most of them based on chemistry alone.

#ask

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laughingpinecone · 4 years

Text

Yuletide letter

I am laughingpineapple on AO3

Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic (when in doubt, tell me what’s happening to them five, ten, twenty years in the future!), hurt/comfort, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, tropey plots that are already close enough to characters/canon, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploring the ~deep lore, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played entirely straight, sensory details, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind

Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, unrequested characters popping up.

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings, consent issues, actual covid (fantasy plagues are okay)

Les Cités Obscures: any

This is a very general “please, anything in the style of canon, just maybe with less thoughtless sexism” request. I want to lose myself in these cities again, and in the strange lands that connect them. I’d be happy to follow any of the known characters and/or OCs, or eschew characters altogether and write about the cities themselves. What caught your imagination in Brüsel, Xhystos, Taxandria, Alaxis...? The history of some cool building that was only marginally featured in one of the stories? Or an OC city! If you’ve got a favourite European city that doesn’t already have its obscure counterpart, please tell me all about it! Go big, go wild! What strange and classically surrealist happenings take place within its walls? Or even... outside Europe... Nerding out about architecture is of course very welcome. I would also love to read a story based on any Schuiten illustration, contextualizing it as if it were part of this ‘verse. Here’s a bunch of them, for example!

Ghost Trick: Cabanela

You know.. him. Dazzlingly OTT, untiring, rock-solid self-esteem, loyal to a fault, following a rhythm of his own, flawless intuition until it fails and it all burns down… him. I just want to see more of him doing stuff! The way he’s chill and open toward new people (like Sissel and Missile in ch15) makes him perfect to throw at most other characters and see how they react to the sparkles… I’d love some focus on how ridiculous his aesthetic is, half Saturday Night Fever half hardboiled detective half bubbly preteen (for a total of 150%) and yet he makes it work. Or how ruthless he can be, possibly for the sake of the people he cares for. The quote “The intimacy of big parties”. Him and Alma in the new timeline bonding over knowing (once Jowd has spilled the beans) but not remembering that terrible timeline. Some tropey scenario on the job. Snark-offs with Pigeon Man, by which I mean PM snarks and it bounces off him like water off a spotless white goose’s back.

Ship-wise it’s only Cabanela/Jowd whenever it’s not infidelity, Cabanela/Alma in what-ifs also if it’s not infidelity and Cabanela/Alma/Jowd for me (and Lynne/Memry and Yomiel/fianSissel on the side). There are a bunch of shippy prompts in all my past letters - I would however reiterate here that Jowd. is. the worst tease. always. Like, just saying, but assume he’s pining big time and Jowd and Alma figure it out - they’d make a national sport out of excruciatingly protracted teasing.

Conversely, Cabanela/Lynne and Cabanela/Yomiel are NOTPs especially from Cabanela’s side. So while I appreciate the thick tension of a good Yomiel VS Cabanela confrontation like everyone and their cat, and also really appreciate a roughed-up Cabanela, and I do love Yomiel in his own right… I don’t want Cabanela being into it. Adrenaline junkie he may be but this hurts and his coat’s a mess and there’s no perfect winning scenario so he hates every second of it. (JOWD being super into Cabanela being roughed up is another matter altogether and he should probably mind his own business. ...incompatible kinks, truly tragic. they’ll have to find some other common ground. they’re smart, resourceful, playful fellows, I’m sure they’ll manage)

Kentucky Route Zero: Donald kentuckyroutezero

I love everyone in the cast, all acts and interludes, and I am extremely into all the themes this incredible work of art ended up exploring. Agreeing with the overall doom and gloom up to Act IV, I was blown away by Act V’s strong affirmation of the importance of the arts and of the bonds we make and of carving up spaces for ourselves in capitalism’s wake. Donald was, indeed, not a part of any of that. Even the final interlude updates us on Lula and mentions Joseph, but the big guy is nowhere to be seen. So, you know, there’s fanfiction! He’s so static, defeated. I am fascinated by the chain of metaphysical spaces that goes surface -> Zero -> Echo -> Dogwood and even within that framework, the hall of the mountain king is like a hopeless dead end. Dude’s terminally stuck. So - once again, in the spirit of transformative works, how could he get... you know... unstuck? Did Lula’s momentous appearance in Act III shake him? Having a functioning Xanadu again, perhaps? How could he interrogate that oracle, what recursive wonders would it show him? If he decides to leave, what does it feel to be on the surface again after so long, or on the river perhaps? Maybe he is forced to leave by the flood, if not this one, the next... Having him meet any other character would be amazing. Past or future time spent with Weaver... seeing Conway again, changed... programmer guy chatting up musician androids... did he know Carrington from his college days or was Carrington only a friend of Lula’s?

As for Lula herself and Joseph too: “Flipping through the pages, Conway is able to gather that it’s a story about three characters: Joseph, Donald, and Lula. It’s something like a tragic love triangle, but much more complex. Some kind of tangled, painfully concave love polygon.” 😔 I ship them as a full triad, if you can nudge them in that direction, good. But I’m very open to non-romantic resolutions as well, going past their messy feelings to find each other as friends after so many years maybe. Or... a start. idk.

I’d be interested in fic that leans on the game’s adjacent genres: wanna go full-on American Gothic? Dip into surrealism? Take a leaf from Twin Peaks with tulpa / split narratives to explore the characters’ issues? I’m also open to AUs, real or through Xanadu. This also feels like a good place to stress that I really, really like caves.

And now for something completely different: FAQ: The “Snake Fight” Portion of Your Thesis Defense is in the tagset this year. I’d say that the crossover with the snake portion of Here and there along the Echo writes itself, but it would not be correct, as in fact I would like you to write it for me. Feel free to not feature Donald if you focus on this crossover instead!

Uru would be a fun crossover too, for Donald specifically. He’s very DRC-shaped in how he tilts at doomed projects which just so happen to be deep underground.

Pyre: Volfred Sandalwood

This is a Volfred solo, Volfred&literally anyone or Volfred/Tariq, /Oralech or /Tariq/Oralech request. I adore everyone in that Blackwagon+Dalbert+Celeste, so if you want to add a Nightwing or two to any prompt, please do! I also love all the Scribes and find Erisa a compelling tragic figure, while out of the other triumvirates, I’m “love to hate them” for Manley, Brighton, Udmildhe and Deluge and would not like to see them featured in sympathetic roles. fwiw I also enjoy Jodi/Celeste and Bertrude/Pamitha a lot!

I feel deeply for all of Pyre’s main themes - literacy, degrees of freedom, the fragile time that is the end of a historical cycle, nobodies rising up to the occasion, building a better society, and of course found family, “distance cannot separate our spirits” and all that jazz, and Volfred is squarely rooted at the center of all of them. I really really love everything he stands for, even if he’s overbearingly smug in standing for it. Just please tell me things about my fave. His relationship to the Scribes (as a historian, a some kind of vision, via *ae or once he’s a star himself)? A ‘forced vacay’ Downside ending where he looks at the Union from afar and keeps living in this strange transformational place? Life in a cramped Blackwagon that was meant for like 5 people tops and is currently eight Nightwings, a herald and an orb? Since he picked him for the job to begin with, does he respect and cherish Hedwyn as he dang well should? What does it feel like to try and Read a herald? Was he ever in danger, in the Commonwealth or in the Downside? What daring act of resistance did he and Bertrude pull off at some point in their past? It’d be cool if one of his old pamphlets came up at some point. Does he puff up as prime minister because he’s nervous, and who can see past his hyper-professionalism and lend a hand? Please roast him big time about the votes he assigns to the various Nightwings in his planner? What’s his attitude toward the flame’s purification (what with being a tree but mostly like, as a general concept. He did nothing wrong!) (well he definitely said some things wrong and sometimes oftentimes the ego jumps out, but his intentions did nothing wrong)? When did his calculating approach fail him? Something with Pamitha along the lines of that edit that goes “Can we talk, one ten to another?“/"I am an eleven, my girl, but continue”? Dude could easily be voted sexiest voice in the Downside - how much is he aware of it? Does he sing? I love how he bears his ‘reader’ brand proudly. And speaking of scars, I have to wonder, looking at Manley for comparison, if the shape of his head, with that massive crack, isn’t also due to injuries.

As a refrain from my general likes: emphatically yes xeno to both shippy interactions at all ratings and to gen explorations of what a Sap is like… I’d love to read all your headcanons.

Ship-wise, I enjoy him with Tariq as this kind of esoteric connection of minds, guarded words full of secret meanings, long contemplative walks together (is any external pov watching...?), Volfred’s Reader powers brushing against Tariq’s mind and getting weak in the knees at the starlit expanse he finds there, so unlike mortal thoughts. Tariq finds his individuality learning from him; Volfred presumably gets a transcendent glimpse of the Scribes. And I enjoy him with Oralech as pretty much the opposite of that, Oralech is so very mortal compared to him, such a precious, fleeting, burning life especially after his fall. Oralech’s idealism is very dear to me, it was their plan, their shared revolutionary spirit, I find it deeply moving. And I am very interested in seeing them rebuild their connection now that Oralech is back, changed, and in some ways he can learn to let go of his misconceptions and slowly open himself to Volfred’s love again, but in other ways that’s who he is now, with this deep-set anger, and what does it even feel to realize that you’re the symbol of the end of an era (the end of the Rites, the fading of the Scribes). I’m interested in both topside and downside endings for all of them, as long as they end up on the same side, the revolution was peaceful and they don’t angst too much about the side they ended in. Tariq can ‘find his way home’ in the near post-canon somehow or even be summoned again, as a different aspect of the same ‘moonlit vision’ that once inspired Soliam Murr.

Strandbeest: any

https://www.strandbeest.com/

I would just like words to go with these, please and thank you so very much. Worldbuild to your heart’s content! Specifically: I’m fascinated by the premise that the strandbeest are living creatures that evolve and adapt to their ecosystem. A world where life is just wind stomachs and sandy joints, and the tide that can catch you unaware. I would like a story that feels distinctly inorganic. The wonder that is the existence of these creatures. Their unique struggles. Weird and experimental if you like. With a mechanical focus, maybe?

I nominated four critters as a selection of the different cool things they can do - Percipiere Excelsus is huge and has the hammer mechanism, Suspendisse’s tail senses the hardness of the sand, Uminami is my fave caterpillar and the caterpillars overall feel like a new paradigm after a mass extinction event, Ader straight-up flies... but they’re all wonderful. If you want to focus on different strandbeest, please do!

Twin Peaks: Lucy Moran

Case fic but they don’t find out jack shit, someone disappears, David Bowie was there, it’s complicated. Fragmented, shifted, mirrored identities. New Lodge spaces. The risks of staring into the void for too long. Gentle illusions. Transcendence. The moon. Static buzzing. Any title from the s3 ethereal whooshing compilation used as a prompt, actually. Whatever goes on on Blue Pine mountain or the even more mysterious things that go on on White Tail mountain where exactly zero canon locations are found. Twin Peaks is all about the mystery to me, the awe of mystery and unknowability and the human drive to look beyond and the risks of getting a peek, and about shared consciousness and trauma taking physical form in an uncaring world. Go wild with the ethereal whooshing! But I also love the human warmth at the heart of it all, and sometimes it’s enough to anchor these characters and let them have a nice day. A fic entirely focused on some instance of coziness against the cold chaotic background of canon would be great too.

For Lucy specifically, a big draw for me is how canon (...s2 need not apply) empathizes with her way of processing the world. Not just Peaks, but On the Air’s protag who is basically a Lucy expy also gets the narrative completely on her side and that’s great. And I love how in s3, her focus on the small things around her is always echoed by bigger, climactic events beyond her horizon (bunnies / Jack Rabbit’s palace, chair order / Garland’s chair, her first scene talking about the two sheriffs / doubles everywhere...). It feels to me like some kind of off-kilter mindfulness and I love it. She’s also got a loving husband and an amazing son, which, in this economy and also this canon? Damn. The one functional family, imagine that. I am not interested in focus on family dynamics, but singularly, either Lucy/Andy or Lucy&Wally are great - in particular, I’m interested in how strange they are and yet they make it work. With the ruthless critique of traditional family structure that’s all over canon, maybe they make it work specifically because they’re not doing any of that. A bit like the Addams family... but... not goth...? Anyway. I’d love to see Lucy interact with and maybe strike a friendship with any character she’s never shared a scene with in canon! In the tagset, there’s Diane for some secretaries bonding, Audrey because??? why not?, Albert because it’d be an epic enemies to friends slowburn, some version of Laura in the future, if we’re feeling really daring maybe even some version of Coop in the future, still fragmented... or anyone you want! Outside the tagset I’d be curious about Hawk, Margaret and maybe Doris in particular, I think, and Phil, and Nadine and the Invitation to Love fandom in general (Frost says it still airs - did it get as weird as TP s3 did?), but if you have an idea with someone else, absolutely go for it!

Canon-specific DNWs: any singular Dreamer being the ‘source’ of canon, BOB (let alone Judy) being forever defeated in the finale, Judy being an active malevolent presence in the characters’ lives, clear explanations for canonical ambiguities, ‘Odessaverse’ being the reality layer, the Fireman’s House by the Sea being the White Lodge, whatever Twin Perfect’s on about, Cooper/Audrey, Cooper/Laura

#letter

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childofsquidward · 4 years

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Trope Meme

I was tagged by @purpleyin - thank you for tagging me, this was fun!

Rules: Copy/paste and bold your fic preferences because why not, gotta choose one (near impossible, but go with your first gut instinct), and tag someone because, again, why not.

Slow burn or love at first sight

Listennnnnn ‘love at first sight’ is a very hit or miss sort of trope for me, I just prefer slow burn because it involves idiots and angst - my two favourite things!

Fake dating or secret dating

I think fake dating is just more of a common trope than secret dating, I could be wrong cuz’ maybe I’ve just been more exposed to it...?

Enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers

ENEMIES TO BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS is the only answer to this, are you kidding me? Literally, so many of my ships are like this. Just that tension that exists between enemies slowly evolving into verbal spat and then playful bickering turning them into best friends and eventually, feelings happen and BOOM! There you have it, a masterpiece.

Oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance with correspondence

It’s such a classic. I love this trope so much because it’s this weird, awkward blend of fluff and smut that ends up working so well and I don’t get how or why but it just does.

Hurt/comfort or amnesia

Amnesia involves hurt/comfort anyway, like, the angst surrounding amnesia fics is literally the best part of amnesia fics.

Fantasy AU or modern AU

It depends y’all. I like fantasy/supernatural AUs of non-fantasy/ supernatural shows only. I also like modern AUs of fantasy/supernatural shows only (coffee shop AUs will be the end of me, that’s all there is to it). I can’t pick, sorry.

Mutual pining or domestic bliss

I like the domestic bliss that comes after the mutual pining, don’t get me wrong, I really do. But mutual pining for me is the same as slow burn - I get idiots who just can’t with feelings and the angst inevitably follows them. Also, a lot of mutual pining fics involve slow burn and vice versa, and that combination is too dangerous for its own good, I’m just saying.

Smut or fluff

I need to be in the mood for smut read smut. I’m always in the mood for fluff, fluff is great y’all.

Canon compliant (missing scenes) or fix it

I love both almost equally, but fix it just slightly more. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading and writing canon-compliant fics, but there’s just something so satisfying to the absolutely petty side of me when it comes to a fix it fic.

Alternate universe or future fics

I like future fics, but I read a lot more alternate universe fics.

One-shot or multichapter

Some one-shots are even longer than certain multichapter fics I’ve read, and the beauty of a one-shot is that it’s complete, there’s nothing to wait for. Multichapters, especially ongoing multichapters, can take you on such a fun journey where not only are you reading this story, but you get to either see this author’s writing develop over time, or try to figure what they changed this time when you re-read the entire fic for the 10th time while waiting for a new chapter.

Kid fic or road trip fic

Ehhhh I actually don’t think I really LOVE either, but I’d read a road trip fic over a kid fic.

Reincarnation or character death

I don’t do well with character death. I’ve read OUAT fics where they’ll kill off like, Snow, or David, or Granny and I’m just like, having a fucking meltdown like, ‘they didn’t deserve that author, bring them back please’.

Arranged marriage or accidental marriage

Fake marriages are obviously my fave, but I love a good arranged marriage fic, especially if it ends up involving enemies to friends to lovers like, ‘I cannot believe I had to marry you, but also, if we do end up getting a divorce it will shatter my very being, but I still hate your guts’.

High school romance or adult romance

*/college romance - I like fics where the characters are still at that point in their lives where they’re still studying and growing, there’s just something so fun and amazingly cliche about high school/college romances that I’ll never get over

Time travel or isolated together

Time travel, just the sheer hilarity that ensues is great.

Neighbo(u)rs or roommates

Roommate fics are great, especially because they also involve that classic friends to lovers trope that I love.

Sci-fi au or magic au

I don’t usually have the patience for a sci-fi fic.

Bodyswap or gender-bend

I have a lot of issues with gender-bend fics, which I will never discuss on Tumblr because hellsite. Bodyswap is interesting, but tricky, especially if it’s like that classic girl/boy switch because you gotta really take things like consent into account. (which a lot of people don't because comedy 😒)

Angst or crack

I like my angst with a dash of humour, but humour is very different from crack.

Apocalyptic or mundane

Apocalyptic is by far my least favourite fic trope.

Tagging: @temmie-loony @lewispanda @dibs4ever @lightninginmyeyes @maniq1 @thatkillervibe and anyone else who comes across this post and wants to give it a go

#trope meme #tag game #diya rambles

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naruhearts · 5 years

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OKAY SO I've just spent the best part of an hour scrolling through your blog and reading a bunch of your destiel meta and I HAD to message you... I was one of the many people who STRONGLY believed destiel had a chance of being canon after season 8 (more like season gr8 am i right), but throughout the years I slowly lost all hope. However, S14 has made me 110% invested in the show again and YOUR META IS GIVING ME HOPE FOR DESTIEL, which is TERRIFYING. Your writing is wonderful and I'm STRESSED.

Got back from Washington late last night!

Oh my gosh @alovelikecas, your message really made my day and I’m SO glad you enjoy my meta xox (even when most of my meta looks like, to me, sloppy-ass writing, haha! I’ll probably make an end-season meta post after 14x20 — if I have the time — that touches upon SPN’s current and repeating themes since Season New Beginnings S12/Dabb Era, not to mention I have, like, some more unfinished meta in my drafts >.>)

Yeah I mean, I didn’t join Destiel land until Summer 2016, and before that, I was late to the Season 11 party, so I basically had no narrative context for anything, and I’ll copy-paste what I said here:

Looking back, one significant thing I recall? S11 gave me a sense of Destiel’s true narrative validity (as not a ‘fanon’ ship but organically developed in the canon) when I perceived it as a season that was ‘missing something’. Keep in mind I had no idea about Destiel yet while watching S11 at the time.

I was literally asking myself — repeatedly — why Dean/Amara seemed to contain odd narrative holes, considering A. Dean explicitly said that the non-consensual attraction he felt for Amara was NOT love and “it scares him”, B. Amara told Dean that ‘something stops you - keeps you from having it all’, C. Djinn!Amara stated that she can: ‘feel the love [Dean] feels, except it’s cloaked in shame,’ and D. Mildred’s iconic ‘You’re pining for someone’ —> which did not logically correlate with A and C, meaning: since Dean doesn’t freely love Amara and thus isn’t possibly pining for her — with female love interests as currently non-existent (I remember crossing off the dead/gone girls on a piece of paper lol) — who the hell was he pining for, then?

Originally posted by elizabethrobertajones

Obviously, without writing long-ass paragraphs of meta about it again in this post, S11 made sense as soon as I watched it within the Destiel context (especially after I read up on some grandiose pieces of Destiel meta (@charlie-minion was the very first person who inspired me to write meta; I followed her once I joined the fandom Oh my god, here we go, holy crap this subtext – I’m invested in this godforsaken ship because they’re in love with each other and I’m not getting off any time soon. The rest is history.

I’m aware that I do come off as positive (and I’m still Destiel-positive; whatever happens in 14x20 this week may or may not change that), but I hope you don’t mind if I use your lovely ask as an additional opportunity to clarify my meta standpoint: no one’s saying Destiel WILL become text.

The general Destiel meta community (all subfactions: Destiel-positive, -negative, -neutral, and in-between) is not the Most Holy Canon Word, and we aren’t SPN writers, and again, we can’t actually speak to the veracity of Destiel as guaranteed-gonna-go-textual, but we — a diverse pool of critical thinkers from all walks of life: particularly those who have some degree of experience in literary academia/English literature studies (fun fact: I was actually pursuing a Minor’s in English until I changed my mind - my first love’s Health Science/Biology, which I stuck with, but here I am doing lit-crit analysis on the side *wink*) — can speak to the veracity of Destiel as a real, palpable, and ever-substantial long-running romance narrative aka the love story between Dean and Cas IS THERE. I see it. We all see it. We didn’t pluck it out of the random ether one day. It naturally evolved across the show’s overarching narrative like some vast spiderweb, linked together by numerous character arc amalgamations of Dean Winchester and Castiel as separate individuals who were then brought together — who brought themselves together, by the sheer force of free will and choice — and are now inherent parts of the other’s story (and respective character progression).

I say this too many times to count: the entire point of writing meta? Personally, it enables me to appreciate the literary gorgeousness of Dean and Cas’ relationship as, first and foremost, a tentative alliance offset by the very moment Cas raised Dean from perdition (it’s a poetic beginning). Their alliance then inevitably proliferated into a rocky — at times, necessarily turbulent — friendship, then a deep profound bond…one that crossed platonic boundaries since S7/8 and is, ultimately, indelibly rooted in romance. Together, Dean and Cas build up each other’s strengths, complement each other’s flaws, and narratively motivate the other to self-introspect — to become the best version of themselves that they were always meant to be: self-actualized entities who let go of their painful, horrifying, psychologically/emotionally destitute pasts.

These above reasons and more are why I think Destiel belongs right up there on the shelf of Ye Olde Classics, similar to epics by John Milton, Shakespearian tragic dramas, Homeric characteristic cruxes, and the great Odyssey journey: a legendary journey, fraught with circumstance, that finally ended with Odysseus (now an enlightened man) returning to Penelope, the love of his life.

Channeling the scope of Homer’s Odyssey, Destiel is an incredible storytelling feat of obstacles, both internal and external, romance tropes, mirroring, foreshadowing, and visual cadence/emotion, enhancing SPN’s already character-driven main plot in that Dean and Cas try to make it back to one another; like Penelope, their love holds true despite everything. If Destiel were an M/F couple, we all know their love story would be absolutely undeniable to the GA.

I do understand the bitterness S14’s fostered in some viewers, though. I do understand that Dean and Cas seem distant (and yeah, it’s a noticeable difference compared to S12/S13), but I believe the Destiel subtext is still heavy and holds steady.

Right now, at this point, there remains multiple personal issues for the characters to solve, you know? Dean and Cas aren’t talking properly; their love languages stay mistranslated, although we’re persistently shown that they still understand each other on a certain level that no one else can, and the visual narrative keeps framing them as on-the-nose solid counterparts: a domestic-spousal romantic unit independent of Sam.

Originally posted by incatastrophicmind

They want to be there for the other. They need to quash the final remnants of their respective internal loathing (Dean’s self-worthiness, Cas’ self-expendability) before they’re able to give the other 100% of their time, efforts, attention, and love (as flawed and complicated but compellingly beautiful as it can possibly be). During the times Dean and Cas do try to talk shit out, extraneous issues continue to get between them.

As other friends/meta pals discussed with me, S14 is like S10 in that it’s confusing the cast/audiences. And exactly: S8, besides S11/S12/early S13, also belongs in the close-to-canon serious Destiel narrative transition! I can discuss the showrunning/writer problem of SBL (Singer + Bucklemming; @occamshipper hits the nail on the head) that tugs subtext – especially subtext linked to Destiel – back and forth, sometimes in the weirdest nonsensical ways, but I won’t go too far into it here. I agree, however, with the recent idea that Jensen does seem a bit confused as to where he should bring Dean emotionally this season (don’t get me wrong, I do NOT believe Dean is OOC; OOC is a completely different concept vs expected character behaviour). And if Dean’s consistently romance-coded past interactions with Cas are any indication, Jensen would also — in the same vein as all of us — want Dean and Cas to start getting their shit together. Long-running fictional characters like Dean and Cas, conceived over 10 years, are so well-written to the point where you, the author, can predict what they’ll do even if you just plop both of them inside a room and give them no direction, and I personally feel that nowadays Jensen is prevented from achieving Dean’s further internal growth/unsure how to act in the moment because of some dumb SBL scripts saying one thing while his character’s heart says another. Wank aside—

Season 15 should hopefully convey a much more logical subtextual perspective e.g. unbelievably amazingly cohesive Season Destiel 11 that aired after choppy S10. Not all hope is lost!! I also want to clarify that I personally LOVED Season 14 in general. It’s been mostly Emotion-centric constant, with Yockey, Berens, Perez, and Dabb usually making my top-rank SPN writer list.

Currently the narrative’s still allowing pretty significant (imho) wiggle room for the lovers to fracture apart and get back together, where their miscommunication comes to a dramatic head. We just saw Dean and Cas argue over Jack’s well-being in 14x18 and 19. Dean — besides putting Cas at the top of his You’re-Dead-to-Me-Because-You-Lied-but-I-Still-Love-You-Goddammit hitlist (for clear spousal-coded reasons) and taking Cas’ actions to heart (he’s the person he trusted the most who lied to him) — no doubt blamed himself for what happened, and Sam was, like I said, the mouthpiece of truth. TFW were all culpable. They all failed Jack in some way, shape, or form.

I’m not expecting anything for 14x20, but I’m nervous either way! Thanks for sticking with my long answer

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popliar · 6 years

Text

jin ships fic links

disclaimer - this is all a bit random, I bookmark so many things and sometimes I don’t remember what I actually thought about them… But they are all readable and worth a click imo.

for @timesuck2000

other posts: fic links

YOONJIN

Every Single Sparkling Thing - sinkingmyships Seokjin/Yoongi. "Of all the kinds of magic, Seokjin prefers enchanters’ magic most. Loves the power to entrance and beguile, captivate and mesmerize. Loves walking into a room and knowing everyone wants to be him, be with him, or be on him. Yet of all the kinds of magic, Seokjin practices enchanters’ magic least. It’s just that he doesn’t need magic to charm people. He’s good at that all on his own." 32,000 words.

Path/Road - misspamela Seokjin/Yoongi. "“I don’t like parties,” Yoongi said suddenly, like he was confessing something. “And I’m pretty sure two people doesn’t really count as a party.” “Well, fine, if you’re going to get pedantic about it.” Seokjin threw his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders. “Then this is the best date I’ve been on in months too.”" early days! 2300 words.

the growth cycle of a narcissus - moonbaby (autopsyofwebs) Seokjin/Yoongi. "Seokjin sits cross-legged on his home couch. He takes a sip of whiskey in a wine glass, pinky slightly lifted, and lets out a gusty sigh of satisfaction. He turns to face the camera; his eyes flash conspiratorially. “I’m Seokjin, but you can call me Jin. I’m the most handsome guy you’ll ever meet.” He winks. (A Queer Eye AU where at first, nobody is quite sure why Kim Seokjin, self-proclaimed Worldwide Cutie Guy and a handsome, successful office manager, has been nominated for the show, until the Fab 5 actually meet him." 13,000 words.

Worldwide Lonesome - loindexter Seokjin/Yoongi. "After the BBMA, Yoongi starts bringing guys back to the house." Really good story about coming out and living in the public eye and idol life. Great Jin voice. 40,000 words.

my safest sounds - prosperousends Seokjin/Yoongi. "Min Yoongi and Kim Seokjin are a part of the same podcast network, but have never personally spoken to each other—until they find themselves asked to swap shows for an episode. The venture turns out to be more involved than either of them thought it would be." good!! 31,600 words.

Let's only walk on flower trails - rhythmsextion Seokjin/Yoongi. "In which Yoongi devises a plan to win the heart of the town's hot bank manager. And it doesn't quite work out like he'd hoped." small town puzzle hunt. 10,100 words.

Time After Time - august_d Seokjin/Yoongi. "Min Yoongi is a part-time coffee shop employee, part-time author. Kim Seokjin was born in the wrong generation - literally." Jin travels from 1988 to 2018 by accident and Yoongi covers for him by saying he's his boyfriend. 41,900 words.

Echo Chorus - smiles Seokjin/Yoongi. "Persuasion AU. Five years ago, Seokjin was persuaded to break up with the only man he has loved, brilliant producer and adoring boyfriend Min Yoongi. Now, just as Seokjin's record company is failing, Yoongi returns, cold and seemingly indifferent. As they continue to circle around each other and navigate the idol world, Seokjin must determine his future, and if Yoongi has a place in it." 95,700 words.

Table for Two - Zee Yoongi/Seokjin. "The sign on the restaurant door promises a free entree to any customer who is there on a date. Yoongi doesn't know how they determine whether or not people are there on dates, and doesn't know how this venture could possibly be profitable for them. He just knows that he could never afford eating there under normal circumstances and that he is deeply sick of ramyeon." 3700 words.

Crashed the Wedding - smiles Seokjin/Yoongi. ""I'll explain it slowly so you can understand. My wish is to travel to the future to my own wedding, get in, see who I'm marrying, find them in the present and get rid of all the middle junk. Understand?" In which Seokjin makes a wish to crash his own wedding and it actually comes true." Delightful. 3800 words.

Love and Muffins - weakforjin Yoongi/Seokjin. "Bakery owner Kim Seokjin wants to get a tattoo. It's a good thing his store is attached to a tattoo parlor. No literally, it's attached. The wall is basically made up of an incredibly large glass window. Pretty convenient for Seokjin since he can ogle the attractive tattoo artist Min Yoongi while he works. Also, everyone else is in love with Hoseok." 3100 words.

A Gilded World - smiles Yoongi/Seokjin. "Jeon Seokjin has exactly four weeks to stop the impending engagement of his younger brother, doomed to a loveless marriage. The only way to stop it is to make a better match, more advantageous, more lucrative for the Jeon family. It's impossible. It's his only option. Min Yoongi does not want, will never want, will never ever even consider, marriage. It's not in the cards. He's stubborn enough to achieve the total ban on marriage talks. Except maybe his grandmother is a little more stubborn than he is, and maybe she's determined to see him march down the aisle. The chaebol arranged marriage au that exactly one and a half people asked for." A really classic 'mutual pining while married' story that hits all the right beats consistently well. 168,700 words.

Rumor Has It - smiles Yoongi/Seokjin. "Due to a misinterpretation of Yoongi's newest song, the public and press think rapper Yoongi completely dissed idol Jin in his newest release." 2300 words.

we are all fools (in love) - kaythebest Yoongi/Seokjin. ""How are you, uh, doing?" Yoongi shoots him a weird look. "You mean after the proposal went horribly wrong and you shot me into the dirt?" Seokjin sets his jaw. "You deserved it." [Or: Yoongi and Seokjin are both prideful and prejudiced but maybe with time, things will turn out alright.]" 3000 words.

the night is still young (and so are we) - pagdiwa (neko11lover) Yoongi/Seokjin. "Summer 2012. They’re so, so close to debuting. Yoongi knows that he won’t be able to forgive himself if he let Kim Seokjin leave." 6100 words.

I Sought A Muse (But The Words Just Wouldn't Come) - sinkingmyships Yoongi/Seokjin. "Yoongi is, quite frankly, sick of photographing Taehyung's tongue, and the deadline for his photography project is approaching faster than he really wants to admit. He needs a new model. The first person to answer his ad—his name is Seokjin, if Yoongi remembers correctly—sent a message with something super vain like "cameras love my face," which should be an enormous red flag, but Yoongi's getting desperate. And in any case, if it's true, it'll just make his job a lot easier." 14,000 words.

come back tomorrow (and the day after too) - Trotter Seokjin/Yoongi. "Seokjin is an actor who MCs a variety show called Eat Jin. His show's successful-- but like every other show on the circuit, he's never managed to book the international superstars Bangtan Seonyeondan, who are notoriously picky about their variety appearances. He never expects that his shot at getting BTS on his show will come when it turns out BTS's Suga is a fan of his acting." 7000 words.

until there are no more cities - squeen Yoongi/Seokjin. "Seokjin has pillow creases in his cheek and his eyes are puffy, still closed as he slowly rolls onto his side. Yoongi lies next to him on his back, turns his head towards Seokjin’s sleeping face, whispers, Kim Seokjin, I think I could fall in love with you." They meet on the Siberian railway. 6700 words.

wanna be yours, now - dollyeo Yoongi/Seokjin. "This is not how Yoongi planned his grand love confession to go." He takes Seokjin out to dinner and Seokjin tries to guess who he's interested in. 1600 words.

hold the press, I wanna get off with you - Finedae Seokjin/Yoongi. "Seokjin's an idol, visual and vocal of popular boy group BTS. Yoongi's a hip-hop artist and producer. They're not supposed to be together, except when they are--hands all over each other when they show up at underground parties, the new hot 'couple' except--they're not together together, of course not. that would be ridiculous." 4300 words.

Heartbeats - bulletproof_bad_wolf Yoongi/Seokjin. "They were different, he and Yoongi. Yoongi was rough around the edges but soft on the inside. Jin was smooth to the eye, but if you looked closer, there were jagged thoughts and complicated twists just under the surface. They were different, they were opposites, but there was a balance, just like he’d thought there would be. For all their differences, they approached music the same way, and held some of the same philosophies on life, so it seemed. There was enough common ground there to build on. They’d be friends, Jin knew that much. Friends and collaborators." 17,000 words.

Building Hearts - iamnotaprodigy Yoongi/Seokjin. "Seokjin’s roommate breaks everything in their apartment. Luckily, the Engineering major next door is cute and willing to help. Otherwise known as, the first time Namjoon actually managed to help create something instead of destroy it. The “my roommate breaks everything and my cute neighbor fixes everything” AU." 12,800 words.

Eat Your Heart Out - bazooka Jin/Yoongi. "Okay, look - all Seokjin wanted was to get into the wedding expo with a fake fiance and try all the free cake. He didn't mean for all of this other stuff to happen." 6000 words.

TAEJIN

bring me some reckless times again - pearl_o Seokjin/Taehyung. "Seokjin makes a series of snap decisions, starting with going over to talk to Taehyung. Somehow, they all turn out pretty well." Kinda making their exes jealous but not really. 3500 words.

my best decision - madanach Seokjin/Taehyung. "“You’re a menace,” Seokjin says. “You come here—you wake me up from my sleep—to do these things versus me. To do the things that you do, against me, specifically.” “All I did was call you pretty,” Taehyung says. “And say that when I was seventeen I wanted to kiss you.”" 3700 words.

on the boundary - brightlight Seokjin/Taehyung. "Honestly, Seokjin should have known things would escalate. One of Seokjin’s favorite things about Taehyung is that he’ll always play along with whatever dumb shit Seokjin says, so he always does it back to return the favor; Seokjin loves an enabler. So when Taehyung calls him on fucking Valentine’s Day and says, “Hyung, Bottoms Up is no cover tonight if you come as a couple,” Seokjin thinks, Yeah, okay, this makes sense." VERY GOOD. 5900 words.

Wake - AlixSkyeDawg Taehyung/Seokjin, Namjoon/Jimin, Jungkook/Hoseok. "Taehyung wanted to bite out that the only thing that would help is her not being dead. He wanted to shriek that a fucking beach resort was not going to suddenly fill the void her death had left. He wanted to rage that forcing him to come to an island in the first place was doing more harm than good." island holiday soap opera. 72,100 words.

seven - tastelessfool Seokjin/Taehyung. ""Seokjin and I were talking last night, and we ended up deciding on dating each other on a trial basis.” “Seokjin? Your roommate Seokjin?” “Uh huh.” “Your first and only best friend Seokjin?” “That's the one.” Jimin gapes at Taehyung for a long moment. “What the hell's a trial dating?” alternatively, Seokjin and Taehyung try dating each other for seven days." 11,000 words.

rent-a-bed - tastelessfool Seokjin/Taehyung. "Seokjin is very broke and very drunk when he's offered a proposition he can't refuse from a stranger at his party- to actually rent his bed. He's not convinced all of this isn't a fever dream." Cute and silly. 10,000 words.

Took No Time With the Fall - Trotter Seokjin/Taehyung. "It says a lot about how lazy Seokjin and Yoongi both are as people that they keep being friends after they break up." 6400 words.

To pay the rent - AwkwardBeansidhe Seokjin/Taehyung. "The job of an extra is to enhance the scene, not steal it, but when Kim Seokjin and Kim Taehyung sit down on set to talk, they can't help but draw the attention of the whole room." 3900 words.

NAMJIN

you make the sea bass drop in my heart - oliviacirce Namjoon/Seokjin. "He looks back down at the contract, reading through the details again. Sea Life of Hawaii, blah blah blah, three weeks, blah blah blah, travel, housing, catering, salary—nice, nothing to complain about there—Co-host: Dr. Kim Namjoon, Professor of Marine Biology. "He's an asshole," Seokjin says. "He's an insufferable know-it-all who thinks he's better than everyone else because of his big fancy degree and his big swollen head and his big—" He cuts himself off ruthlessly, and finishes, "And he hates me."" 7100 words.

lights flashing, flashing - monbon Namjoon/Seokjin. "Jeongguk writes self-insert fanfiction, Jimin is the president of the namjin fanclub, and Jin and Joon go grocery shopping. That's it, that's the fic." cute! 4100 words.

Double Trouble - nicowememoney, Scripturient27 Namjoon/Seokjin, Hoseok/Yoongi. "Separated since a young age, identical twins Taehyung and Jungkook grow up believing they’re the only child to their respective single dads, Namjoon and Seokjin. Until they meet at summer camp and decide to swap identities and go back home as each other for the following reasons: 1. It’s fun ok 2. Jungkook has a hopeless crush on classmate Jimin but is too shy to talk to him so Taehyung decides to take matters into his own hands 3. They’re curious what their other dad is like 4. Again, it’s fun ok and 5. Maybe… just maybe, they can get their dads back together again. [CHAT FIC] [The Parent Trap AU]" if you can roll with the premise, this is fun. 49,100 words.

just let the feeling grow - marienadine Namjoon/Seokjin. ""I don't have a problem with Namjoon," Seokjin lies." great character voices. 8500 words.

just hold on, we're going home - cosigned Namjoon/Seokjin. ""This guy - Seokjin - in one day, successfully got you so flustered that you've planned to avoid him for the rest of your life, and then saw you naked?" "It's not like it sounds," Namjoon tries to reason with Yoongi, even though it's exactly like it sounds. Kim Seokjin has him scrambling for his sanity, and he's fighting a losing battle. or In a foreign country, Namjoon finds a little piece of home to hold onto." charming! 15,800 words.

Unbelievable - mllevangogh Namjoon/Seokjin, Jimin/Jungkook. "Jin's a singer. Namjoon's band needs a new one. The thing is, Namjoon fucking hates Jin. Or, Namjoon's in a romantic comedy, and he's the last to find out." also charming! 18,700 words.

i gave you my heart (last christmas) - linkpoisoned Seokjin/Namjoon. "“He just cut me off, Jungkook. My New Year’s resolution was to not let douchebags play me, and I’ve stuck to it,” Seokjin replies. “So when this cable car goes back down the mountain, I’m going with it.” Jungkook winces again. “About that. Uh. We only booked the cable car for going up."" cracky and cute. 10,600 words.

Law of the Jungle - MmeIrene Namjoon/Seokjin. "Namjoon is a frazzled grad student who just wants to finish his thesis, but somehow ends up getting cast as an extra in a movie instead." 16,100 words.

Love Me, Love My Dog - nicowememoney Seokjin/Namjoon. "In the Korean branch of the renowned intelligence agency Kingsman, the wannabe candidates each receive a dog that will be training at their side. Which would be pretty rad except Seokjin’s dog, Adam, doesn’t listen, and he kind of needs Adam to listen or else he won’t qualify. Or: a Kingsman! AU in which there is very little spying and a lot of dogs, and Seokjin thinks it’s unfair that Namjoon has such huge dimples." 5000 words.

Like You're Whispering - joonphases Namjoon/Seokjin. "Namjoon needs a new laptop, and Seokjin needs a fake boyfriend." cute!! 14,400 words.

a sugar coated pill and a pick me up - whomstisthis Namjoon/Seokjin. "namjin are soccer dads who fall in luv" very cute! 18,400 words.

It's Dead, We Killed It - prandcocaine Namjoon/Seokjin, Hoseok/Jimin. "Bangtan's newest company-imposed torment drains their hearts, minds, and wallets." swear jar fic.

no more sad songs - mochi (ttthisismo) Namjoon/Seokjin. ""unknow: it’s going to sound creepy anyway but i think i got your dog? by mistake? not my mistake, tho" or never trust late night singers with cute dogs" fun chatfic with jimin/yoongi/hosoek and taekook sequels. 11,100 words.

charmed - kaythebest Seokjin/Namjoon. "So you’re not going to eat me?" Seokjin asks, just to confirm. "Why would I eat you?" "Because you’re a dragon," Seokjin says slowly, because it should be obvious, despite Namjoon not looking very dragon-y at all. Namjoon looks unimpressed. "I may be a dragon, but I’m not an animal." this is good. 23,400 words.

A Not So Terrible Idea - Theawinde Namjoon/Seokjin. "For some reason Namjoon let Hoseok convince him to play Spin the Bottle with his friends. It turned out better than he thought." Cute! 6600 words.

love is always a part of me - hi_pretty Seokjin/Namjoon. "Jin's opinion on soulmates changes a lot through the years." 12,000 words.

Everything That I Am (Not) - thisissuchbts Namjoon/Seokjin. "He was Kim Namjoon, damn it, and he was going to finish what he started and help this perfectly wonderful Christmas dumpee probably get kicked out of his family." Namjoon is Seokjin's bf for hire when Seokjin decides to come out to his family. 28,300 words.

am I wrong? - jeosheo Namjoon/Seokjin. "For years Namjoon kept this pact with himself—years—all spent repeating to himself over and over again that this was the way things had to be. So when he found out about Jimin and Yoongi, he didn’t think he had ever been angrier in his life, because he knew, because everyone knew, that if anyone was going to break the rules and be together, it was going to be Namjoon and Seokjin." 4500 words.

All I Want For Christmas (Is You) - cute_nerds Namjoon/Seokjin. "That was it, Namjoon thought, toying with the small box in his pocket. It was a conspiracy. He was being... being... proposal-blocked." Based on on the let's share the heart ad. 3200 words.

Like You Lots - mnsg Namjoon/Seokjin. "Seokjin needs the heat of Namjoon’s big hands on his thighs. He needs the dorky underbite smile Namjoon only pulls out when he’s being self-deprecating. He needs the thoughtful texts before big pitches, the iced coffee Namjoon drops off on his way to class, the deep satiation of the mindblowing sex they have. That’s what he needs, and that’s exactly what Namjoon gives him, so he’s not exactly in a position to ask for anything more." 5000 words.

Could Never - mnsg Namjoon/Seokjin. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder - or, in Seokjin's case, just makes you realize something completely, stupidly obvious. AU where Seokjin owns a little bookstore, his old college friend Namjoon has become a novelist, and everyone has a lot of understated feelings." 2700 words.

before things come together - brightlight Namjoon/Seokjin, background Yoongi/Hoseok. "Namjoon didn't expect to run into the TA from his philosophy class at the gay bar Taehyung and Jimin drag him to, he really didn't expect him to look this nice outside of class, and he really, really didn't expect to have a crush on him. It's going to be an interesting semester." 31,800 words.

how people move - doozy (jungtaeh) Seokjin/Namjoon. "Seokjin can get used to tripping over a discarded shoe every now and then, as long as he has Namjoon to catch him before he falls. Or: Seokjin's roommate nightmare comes in the form of Kim Namjoon, and he accidentally falls in love with him." 17,000 words.

A Sociolinguistic Analysis of Epenthesis in Academic Convergence - bazooka Namjoon/Seokjin. "There were a lot of jobs worse than being partnered with world-renowned Absent-Minded Professor Kim Namjoon, but Professor Kim Seokjin couldn't think of what any of them were at the moment." 39,900 words.

Oceans Between Us - novilunar Namjoon/Seokjin. "After two years, Seokjin suddenly reappears in Namjoon’s life." 15,500 words.

Celebrity Crush - bazooka Namjoon/Seokjin. "Right now Namjoon was exhausted and he'd been saying rude shit and he kept snapping at Taehyung and then they'd had to sit through that interview ("Who's your celebrity crush?") and Seokjin had tried making a joke ("Rap Monster," he'd said, thinking he was being clever) and even as everyone around them cracked up the look that had flashed through Namjoon's eyes belied something that looked almost brittle." 16,500 words.

secret recipe - staygame (sungjae) Seokjin/Namjoon. "Plenty of people read Jin's blog, thank you very much." He and Namjoon start emailing, initially not realising they know one another irl. 3600 words.

i can put you in the mile high club (what's up?) - jonghyun Namjoon/Seokjin. "The turbulence gets more than just Seokjin's mood down. Namjoon was just trying to get to work when it all started. Whatever this is. (fwb/flight attendant au)" Namjoon is a music producer who keeps ending up on Seokjin's flights. 11,900 words.

I Dream in the Shape of Your Mouth - jonghyun Seokjin/Namjoon. They keep studying together at the library. 17,000 words.

I will help you climb - fitzgarbage Namjoon/Seokjin. "namjoon punches seokjin in the face. twice. this can be interpreted as a prequel to "we'll find a way to make it right" but it doesn't have to be so don't worry." They meet in high school and first hate each other then fall in love over detention. 73,000 words.

A Wonderful Institution - bazooka Namjoon/Jin. "Kim Seokjin is a wedding caterer. Kim Namjoon is a wedding planner. Both of them think marriage is a societal construct with no place in modern life. Neither of them would know Real Love if it came up to them at a wedding and made a wager." the first bts fic i ever read... 42,400 words.

JINKOOK

if it's true looks could kill (you'd be the first to make me mad) - raviolijouster Jungkook/Seokjin. "Seokjin blames Namjoon for Jeongguk wholeheartedly, and just can’t understand why his thighs aren’t getting the attention they deserve. OR Seokjin and Jeongguk don’t like each other. Promise." 7700 words.

Nothing Holdin’ Me Back - hope_and_hardship Jungkook/Seokjin. "Jungkook is so shy he can barely make eye contact with baristas when ordering coffee, but Seokjin has a way of pulling him out of his shell. Somehow he ends up in a competition with Seokjin to come up with the most elaborate way to ask someone out. The trouble is the person Jungkook wants to ask out is Seokjin." 5100 words.

Maybe He Snapped - merryofsoul Jungkook/Seokjin. "Five times Jungkook tries to flirt with Seokjin, and one time Seokjin finally gets it." 4700 words.

move in time and get entwined - pearl_o Jungkook/Seokjin. "Everything's about to change, and Seokjin thinks you'd have to be an idiot not to be a little scared. But maybe it's all right if Jungkook is kind of an idiot." Space academy! 1700 words.

tell the world - vastlyunknown Jungkook/Seokjin. "Seokjin is about to embark on a new jouney and meeting Jeongguk might be exactly what he needs." Seokjin starts up a new entertainment agency. JK is the reporter and Yoongi is the photographer. 21,100 words.

Tie Me in Ribbons (Put Me Away) - hobily Jungkook/Seokjin. "When Jeongguk draws Seokjin's name for Secret Santa, he finds himself way in over his head." 4300 words.

the clock strikes twelve - Kaleidotears Gen, Seokjin/Jungkook. "Hundreds of idols debut a year. There’s only one Big Bang. There’s only one SNSD. Everyone else falls through the cracks and gets forgotten. Kim Seokjin refuses to disappear." A Produce 101 AU that explores the idea that the seven BTS members were contestants and trainees from different agencies. The writing has some roughness to it but I was so into all the ideas about fame, the idol industry, fannishness, and personal ambition - and about how narrative is constructed thru reality tv, social media, and social context. I loved both the meta commentary about the industry as a whole, and how that translated into these seven very different journeys. The elimination format made me AS TENSE as if I was watching an actual elimination tv show. Doesn't shy away from some of the ugliness of the industry; but there is a happy ending. 98,600 words.

more and more and more - moonsuns Seokjin/Jungkook. ""If you haven’t had sex by the time you’re twenty, then I’ll have sex with you. That way you’ll have a guaranteed end date for your virginity.” “Do you promise, hyung?” "I promise." The problem was, Seokjin never expected to be called on it." 23,700 words.

terms and conditions may apply - vppa Seokjin/Jungkook. "Fuck. It wasn’t even his fault - no one told him delivery guys could come in all shapes and sizes and levels of attractiveness. No one told him. or: Jungkook falls head over heels for the FedEx guy, and it all goes invariably downhill from there." so funny. 13,800 words.

Take A Shot - TheHalesNyx Seokjin/Jungkook. "It’s crazy to think that a twenty-year old can even have a son who’s three - Seokjin still finds it hard to believe, if he’s honest. Hell, he hadn’t even known about Jungkook’s son until three months after the other began working as his assistant. In which Seokjin gives a helping hand, a comforting shoulder, and his heart, to Jungkook, a single father who is just trying to do his best to make his son, and himself, happy; it’s just a little hard to do all on his own." 44,400 words.

As Soon As Possible - forheart Jungkook/Seokjin. "When Jungkook first met Seokjin, they had to drive ten hours together, in a honda civic, with a dented passenger side door and a broken Air Conditioner, from Southern California all the way up to the Bay. After spending too much time in a too small space, Jungkook thought he would never see Seokjin again. But fate had other plans." Loosely based on When Harry Met Sally. It's super charming and the background Hoseok/Yoongi is A+. 19,000 words.

Eternalism - hobily Seokjin/Jungkook. Seokjin is an ordinary guy and Jungkook is the time traveler trying to stop the world from collapsing. Funny and charming, with some fresh twists to the time loop trope. Tagged major character death but it's temporary lol. 34,700 words.

All Above Board - Trotter Jungkook/Seokjin. "Seokjin laughed, and how unfair was it that his laugh sounded so hot and so stupid at the same time? Jungkook was a simple guy, and his body was having a hard time responding to all the contradictions Seokjin was: take, for an example, this morning, when he introduced himself on deck, made a bad pun, and sucked Jungkook’s cock behind the cabins so quick and dirty Jungkook had thought his brain would explode." Idol JK goes on a Japanese cruise and hooks up with chaebol Jin. 4000 words.

Making It Up As We Go Along - bugarungus Seokjin/Jungkook. "Jin needs to find a date for his brother's wedding before his future sister-in-law tries to set him up with the every gay man in the city." 9500 words.

everyone else in the room can see it(everyone else but you two) - tastelessfool Seokjin/Jungkook. "in which everyone thinks Seokjin and Jungkook are dating, except Seokjin and Jungkook." silly and cute. 3300 words.

Different Names for the Same Thing (where i follow you go) - Trotter Seokjin/Jungkook. "Being Jungkook's childhood friend is rough. Being his manager is worse. (or: the one where Seokjin is BTS's manager and still fails to catch a break)" 4400 words.

Tents and Temperaments - sugarkookie Seokjin/Jungkook, Hoseok/Jimin, Namjoon/Yoongi, mastermind Taehyung. "Everyone's fighting with each other, and Jin has no idea what's going on. In an effort to make them reconcile before they ruin their comeback, manager hyung dumps them in the woods for a weekend of camping. 9500 words.

suddenly I see - Trotter Jungkook/Seokjin. "Jeongguk's had a crush on all his bandmates at one point or another; only one of them stuck. (or, the story of Jin and Jeongguk told through alcohol, confessions, arm wrestling, and food. So much food.)" 3000 words.

stop, rewind - vppa Seokjin/Jungkook. “We’re not dating.” Seokjin sits up on his elbows and stares Yoongi down to make a point. “Definitely not.” This is worth reading as a history of the group and Jin as much as a ship fic. The ship gives it it's arc but it's really good because of how it works with canon - so many references and callbacks!! 10,700 words.

Forever Young: Boy’s Side [Seokjin Walkthrough + Review] - numberts Jungkook/Seokjin. "Jeongguk woos Seokjin the only way he knows how: by treating it like an otome game." I repeat - 'like an otome game'! amazing. 28,600 words.

JINMIN

jack i'm flying! - ameliabedelias Jimin/Seokjin, Hoseok/Yoongi. "“Are they okay?” A concerned booze cruise attendant walks by. “They’re not gonna jump, are they?” “Please, just ignore them,” Hoseok sighs, flopping into one of the deck lounge chairs as Seokjin and Jimin get into position. “They’ve been doing this for three years now. It's kind of their thing.” Or, five times Seokjin and Jimin do the Titanic Pose™." Cute! 4500 words.

Like I've Been Awakened - hope_and_hardship Jimin/Seokjin. "When Jimin moved to Seoul to study dance, he planned on getting a job to help make ends meet. But getting a job proved harder than he expected, so on a whim he found a sugar daddy website. He was just in it for the money. He never expected to meet a man like Seokjin." 9500 words.

another name for pirate treasure - misspamela Jimin/Seokjin. "Kim Seokjin is the worst pirate Park Jimin has ever seen." adorable. 2900 words

wait for me (the world is changing) - reflectionslie (fallsink) Seokjin/Jimin. "Seokjin is determined to keep her taekwondo academy from shutting down, so she teams up with Jimin from a rival school. Despite being past competitors, through the planning and hosting of a tournament, they bond over keeping the school open and their love of their art form" 7000 words.

The Greatest Good - ofmindelans Jimin/Seokjin. "The plan was for Jimin and Seokjin to get married for financial aid money, not for love. They just forgot the part about life never really going according to plan." 4100 words.

2SEOK

The Truth Inside the Lie - AttilaTheHun Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jung Hoseok has always been straight, and he likes knowing that. It keeps life simple, without complications, and he's never felt the need to step across the shadowed line to the other side to see what might be found. Never, that is, until an obscenely handsome Kim Seokjin kisses him, more prank than reality, and suddenly he can think of little else but what's lurking over those dark borders waiting for discovery. But he doesn't know how to ask, and Seokjin doesn't seem inclined to help, and the only thing Hoseok knows now is that he's in a lot of fucking trouble." the plot is very pride and prejudice. a VERY readable fic. 78,100 words.

I Like You Like I Like to Dance - hope_and_hardship Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok is hired to teach Seokjin how to dance before a wedding, but he isn't even remotely prepared for the tall, gorgeous, flirty man who shows up at his studio." 3200 words.

Take a Chip and Dip Me Low - in_too_deep (biaswreckmepls) Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok: Welcome to salsa class! Who's ready to dance? Jin, hiding a tortilla chip bag: There may have been a misunderstanding" 4000 words.

getting through the night - ffairyy Hoseok/Seokjin. "Seokjin and Hoseok are two months into their relationship and very much in love, but there's one unspoken issue. Whatever he does, Hoseok never stays the night." 5555 words.

Your Hands in my Hair My Heart in Your Teeth - ChaoticJackass (CannibalKats) Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok isn't particularly happy to be at this fancy museum party that Namjoon got him invited to, but when a handsome donor drops his coat Hoseok's whole life takes a turn. In which Hoseok gives a Selkie back his coat and suddenly finds himself with a boyfriend." 18,600 words.

the optimal combination of choice and chance - Chlexcer Hoseok/Seokjin. "seokjin dislikes flying because he never knows what kind of freak will end up sitting beside him. hoseok dislikes flying because he's lowkey terrified of heights and speed. this one flight might help them change their minds." 5800 words.

Welcome to the Garden - smiles Hoseok/Seokjin. "The thing people don't realize is, within all their lore of mermaids and vampires and tigers praying to be human, they missed the most obvious magical creatures that dwell among them in plain sight. Hoseok supposes that's a good thing. If the general populace found out that there are a bunch of flowers walking around in human form, there would be pandemonium. aka Hoseok is a flower, meets Seokjin, is convinced he is also a flower, and sets out to prove it." 1800 words.

So Close (So Close and Yet So Far) - CheekyBrunette Hoseok/Seokjin. "Hoseok was gorgeous; Seokjin couldn't help but stare. (In which Hoseok choreographs the dance for Seokjin's performance in the Mr. Seaside male beauty pageant, and Seokjin finds a million and one reasons to fall in love with him.)" 10,000 words.

little by little, one step two step - misspamela Seokjin/Hoseok. "Mr. Wonderful -- Jung Hoseok -- turned around, caught him staring, and winked. Not to be outdone, Seokjin sent him a flying kiss, which Hoseok pretended to catch and put in his pocket, then shot him double finger guns before turning back to the rest of the class. Seokjin was in love." 4700 words.

two bros, chillin' in the gay club - Chlexcer Hoseok/Seokjin. "it’s a game. a stupid, silly, ridiculous game that got a little bit out of hand, and now Hoseok is getting turned on. alternatively, the one where Seokjin and Hoseok, token straight friends, get pulled along to a gay club and to avoid getting hit on by other guys, they pretend to be dating each other. (no homo, though)" WIP.

'Cause Every Time We Touch - kuragecharms Hoseok/Seokjin. "“Fuck, it hurts but it feels so good,” Seokjin mumbled. “L-lay down,” Hoseok instructed. With only a moment’s questioning quirk of an eyebrow, Seokjin complied, placing himself face down on the dance floor. Taking in a deep swallow that he knew was himself swallowing down his pride and his nervousness, trying to convince himself that okay, Seokjin is kind of really loud about when he feels good. It doesn’t mean anything sexual. Even though it totally sounds - and now looks - sexual. Hoseok slowly lowered himself down to straddle Jin’s hips, bending forward to bury the heels of his palms into Seokjin’s shoulders and using the leverage of the flat floor to deepen the massage. Seokjin let out an actual scream." 16,700 words.

They Say Fortune Favors The Brave - teenuviel1227 Seokjin/Hoseok. "Hollywood Boulevard hooker Jung Hoseok is down on his luck--that is, until hotshot investor Kim Seokjin decides to pick him up and they change each other’s lives forever." Pretty Woman AU. 23,300 words.

Fire - noraebangbang Seokjin/Hoseok. "Jin's a firefighter. His station is full of idiots. He is Very Tired. But at least Hoseok makes it better. Kind of." 3300 words.

The Totally Untrue Story of Kim Seokjin - greenet Seokjin/Hoseok. "Seokjin is in love with Hoseok. So starting a fwb relationship with Hoseok is possibly not the best idea he's ever had." I'm so here for this. Especially all the stuff about identity and image creation. 8900 words.

we'll still be dancing (on shaky ground) - Pardon Hoseok/Seokjin. "Seokjin is sick of being made fun of for his dancing. Hoseok is all too willing to help him out." 7400 words.

Timeless As A Kiss (I Don't Want To Miss A Moment) - lulublue1234 Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jin's a hopeless romantic. Hoseok's a realist. Fate has a hilarious plan." wedding planner. 14,500 words.

The Photo I've Been Looking For - teenuviel1227 Hoseok/Seokjin, Yoongi/Jimin. "Yoongi and Hoseok have a promise that they’ve held onto since they were teenagers--if they’re both 30 and still haven’t found anyone, then they would get married. A day before his thirtieth birthday, miles away from Seoul, Hoseok gets a phone call from Yoongi asking him to come home; he’s finally met the one--he just knows Hoseok will love Jimin when he meets him--and he needs his best friend to be there for him. With Seokjin’s support, Hoseok flies home for the first time in years." 28,100 words.

caught in a landslide (of emotion) - fitzgarbage Seokjin/Hoseok. "hoseok keeps catching seokjin at his worst" 5200 words.

love in an elevator - bazooka Seokjin/Hoseok. "Kim Seokjin takes a cab, gets stuck in a broken elevator, and gets jerked off by The Hot Alpha Who Lives Down The Hall." Alpha/Alpha. 3100 words.

Sweet Tart - numberts (numberthescars) Seokjin/Hoseok, Taehyung/Yoongi. "How, exactly, is Seokjin supposed go about telling his favorite cousin that his new crush is actually Seokjin's old roommate from college—the same “douchebag” (Taehyung's words) roommate who’d hooked up with Seokjin's ex, the same roommate Seokjin had had drunken hatesex with and ruined their friendship forever? Or: Hoseok just wants to taste hyung's love (and other significant life events that happen over food)." Hoseok is Seokjin's fake bf on a double date with his cousin Taehyung and ex Yoongi. 6400 words.

disco, calypso (it don't matter) - ofmindelans Seokjin/Hoseok. "Seokjin didn't ask for any of this. Not for his estranged son Taehyung to suddenly move in and turn Seokjin's orderly life upside down. Certainly not for said son to come with a mentor and dance instructor in the form of the impossibly sunny, annoyingly attractive Jeong Hoseok. Fortunately, the universe doesn't seem to be paying much attention to what Seokjin does and does not ask for." 27,100 words.

THREESOMES (and more and other)

playing for your heart - umji Jungkook/Hoseok/Seokjin. "Jungkook should have known something was up from the way they were acting, they had been unusually quiet all night, sharing looks across the room when they thought he was caught up in his game. He didn’t quite know what he was expecting them to say - maybe they were going to elope? That seemed like something the pair of them would do - but he was certainly not expecting them to tell him they had signed him up for a dating game show." hobi is the bachelor. 17,100 words.

Something Brewing Between Us Three - merryofsoul Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin. "Hoseok leans his body into Namjoon’s with a soft sigh as they watch Seokjin walk out, but perks up a little when Seokjin stops in the doorway and turns back. “It’s bean a pleasure,” Seokjin calls, and then starts laughing at himself as he leaves the cafe. Namjoon and Hoseok stand in shock for a few seconds before Namjoon says, “Oh my god.” or; Namjoon and Hoseok work in a coffee shop, and a cute customer starts to flirt with them." 11,700 words.

Can't Spell We Without W(you and you) - gbyesummer (shouldshy) Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin. "“We’re going out tonight,” Namjoon says. “You should come with.” Hoseok sits up and narrows his eyes. “I don’t think Jin would appreciate me being invited on your date without asking him first.” “It’s not... like a date-date. It's a friend-date." or: Hoseok loves that they’re a close group of seven, but seven is six plus himself, and six is an even number. He's the seventh in a group with three (well, two and one almost-couple) couples. He’s a seventh wheel." I LOVE. 12,900 words.

Steals and Deals - idyllic_hummingbird Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin/Yoongi. "Boyfriends Namjoon and Yoongi sometimes commit petty crimes to get by. When Yoongi hears about a rich CEO going out of town, he convinces his boyfriend that an attempted heist couldn't hurt. Little do they know that the CEO's son, Seokjin, was given housesitting duties, and brought his boyfriend along for company. or, namgi are terrible burglars and 2seok are amused about it." 13,000 words.

Just a little bit (is what you need) - pacajins Yoongi/Hoseok/Namjoon/Seokjin. "When you spend so much time with someone, living together and doing everything with one another, some things are probably inevitable. Like taking care of each other's needs and making sure the frustration doesn't interfere with work." 3000 words.

Kaleidoscope - youarethenorthernlights Jungkook/Taehyung/Seokjin. "Despite popular belief, it is very easy and very possible for someone to be in love with two people at once. Jeongguk is, like he is at most things, excelling at it." a/b/o idolverse. 82,500 words.

Look Me In The Eye & Tell Me You Won't Go - teenuviel1227 Yoongi/Hoseok, Jimin/Namjoon, Seokjin/Taehyung/Jungkook. "BTS are doctors at the biggest hospital in Seoul and stuff happens. Particularly, Min Yoongi wakes up with Jung Hoseok in his bed." A really fun, enjoyable longfic with all the melodrama, shenanigans, and OTT plot twists you'd expect from a hospital drama. Loosely based on Greys Anatomy. 78,300 words.

우리들 앞길이 훤해 (ahead of us, our future looks bright) - my_hope

Seokjin/Yoongi, Seokjin/Hoseok, Hoseok/Yoongi. "Okay, now Seokjin was more than eighty percent sure there was something in his food. Otherwise, how would he explain this crossover between an acid trip and A Christmas Carol—fucking magic? Ha." three alt endings, all happy. 9700 words.

#bts #jin #fanfiction #kpop #yoonjin #taejin #namjin #jinmin #jinkook #2seok #he raised him on his back #i swear i used to have a namjin tag #they're a delight and they know it #team sin takes no prisoners #actually using tumblr as a blog how strange #fic links

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francesderwent · 5 years

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I’m not one to pay attention to ‘ships, but I’m curious who you actually ship Lydia with since, as you said in your tags, you’ve queued contradictory posts one after another.

*hyperventilating*

gosh, you know, I really think I might have to watch the whole show over again at a more reasonable pace before I can actually have a firm answer to this question? both for you and for myself haha.

basically, I found the scenes with Lydia and Jordan way more fun to watch. they have a great playful, teasing chemistry, and then behind that their story is kind of classic high romance - they’re thrown together by fate, their supernatural identities and fates are inextricably intertwined, he’s often in a white-knight protector role, she’s (I think) the only person to ever use his first name (!!). also, Lydia’s history with the rest of the main cast is kind of fraught - first they’re lying to her about the supernatural, then they kind of think she’s crazy, then they’re constantly pushing her to psychically find things out for them. don’t get me wrong, she wants to help the group, and her wanting that is a really satisfying part of her character arc. but since she’d spent so long being so isolated, it was just really good to see her find in Jordan someone whose priority was her, who was utterly delighted and charmed by her, and who respected her and took her seriously from day one. the only problem: all this foundational work that I’ve described? never goes anywhere. they have a bunch of really great scenes, and then their arc together is completely and utterly dropped.

then, with Lydia and Stiles, what we have is a very impressively well-executed one-sided-pining to friends to lovers arc, which is something that’s very difficult to pull off! and what they especially do well is the one-sided-pining to friends bit. the Lydia/Stiles friendship is definitely one of my favorite parts of the show: they support each other, they fight for each other, they trust each other, all the while being adorably, constantly frustrated with each other. most of the best moments of them together are little moments of companionship, teamwork, and comfort, and I live for those things. so when they finally made the push for a romantic relationship in season 6, what I was struck by was how real and true it felt that they loved each other - the show had done the work so that I could hear a character who’s a senior in high school tell a girl that he loves her, and have me take that completely seriously. Stiles didn’t have to say anything more than “I love you,” because even though it had never been voiced before, it had been quietly understood for years/seasons, and growing deeper and more mature all the time. they do love each other. we as the audience already knew that, and it was good to see it voiced! and then the twist with Lydia towards the end of 6a was basically brilliant - it’s just a good bit of characterization! so at this point I got very sucked into the stydia ship and queued a bunch of content, which all you lovely people now have to deal with. HOWEVER - after Stiles and Lydia are triumphantly reunited in the 6a finale…there hasn’t been any more content of them together?? I haven’t completely finished 6b yet because I hate it, and Dylan O’Brian hasn’t been in any scenes with the main cast at all, and so it’s obviously literally impossible for there to have been content of them together as a couple, but it just makes me wonder - are they a good couple? or are they just really good friends? I know they love each other, and I’ll even concede that they have a kind of epic romantic friendship, but the show hasn’t done anything so far to really convince me that their love is specifically romantic, that they’re good together in that way. I could totally imagine Stiles and Lydia dating for six months or so and then amicably agreeing that they were really better together the way things were. or they could work out! but the show never actually gives us them together, and that’s a major cop out.

all that said, the best seasons of teen wolf are the ones where all ships really take a backseat to personal arcs and plots. seasons 1-3, I did not have a single shippy feeling, I was just enjoying the leadership and virtue meta. and I maintain that Scott McCall, as an individual character with a semi-self-contained arc, is way more interesting than any ship that ever appeared in this ridiculous show.

#asks #meta whine and rant #thank you for asking!#I know my teen wolf blogging has been a whirlwind of contradictions #5 #teen wolf

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wendip-week · 6 years

Text

Wendip Bits from the GF Complete Series Commentary/Lost Legends Comic

Hey all! @ddp456 here!

So, in between helping Kenzoe64 with the last few pages of the Protector comic and working on chapters of DBR3 (yes, I swear it’s still coming) I’ve had a bit of a secret project I’ve been working on (and to be honest, I’m kinda surprised no one else beat me to it)

Over the last few months, I’ve had a chance to rewatch Gravity Falls through the newly released Complete Series Blu Ray set, and for this, listened to every commentary created for each episode, as well as those made for the special features disc (which forgive me if I’m wrong, but was for the BD set, right?).

While the tracks give a HUGE insight on all things GF, it also unveils the curtain on many things Wendy and Dipper related; some things I guessed correctly from the very beginning (see my personal notes for bragging rights), and some, well, that kinda shocked me, and left me uncertain about a few details. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

As you can guess, think of this as a dissection of the commentaries given, focusing on our favorite duo from the series, and afterwards, I’ll include a few questions of my own. Fair enough? Let’s get started:

(Tidbits in the first few episodes)

-Alex Hirsch states that Dipper’s crush on Wendy was always meant to be a big part of the series.

-Hirsch wanted to drop Wendip hints in the first episode (Tourist Trapped), but Rob Renzetti (Supervising producer director, creator of My Life As a Teenage Robot) talked him out of it, saying that he was doing it way too soon.

-The age difference between Dipper and Wendy was the very first conflict that came to mind in the writer’s room, so therefore, it was used.

-The persona of Wendy herself was crafted like that of a “cool camp counselor” so that she could do cool adult stuff, and be able to do “kid stuff” as well without being out of place.

(The Inconveniencing)

-The Cold Open for Episode 5 (Roof Time!) was created at the last minute because the writers realizes that the Wendy/Dipper connection really wasn’t justified. The roof sequence was to make not only Dipper fall in love with Wendy, but the audience as well. (D’aww! - Editor’s note)

-At the end of the episode, the second “Zipped Lips” motion between Wendy and Dipper symbolized many things. It shows that Dipper (despite lying) is accepted by Wendy into her social circle, and given her friendship. Her lying to the other teens is just as important, as she does so without Dipper asking her to. This was done to make Wendy as real as humanly possible, showing that she is just as cool as Dipper (and we as an audience) make her out to be.

-Hirsch often laments on the fact that they didn’t do a full “Wendy-themed” episode. He explains that the point of many episodes is that a said character “learns a sin” and they were afraid to do so with Wendy, in fears that it would ruin her chemistry. (more on this later - Editor’s note)

-They foreshadow the conflict over Robbie and Dipper (involving Wendy) and recognizes that things weren’t always realistic (e.g. how Dipper can beat up the Multi-Bear, but how he was deathly afraid of Robbie). Hirsch’s reasoning is that the audience seems forgiving with such exaggeration as long as everyone appeared to stay in character ( again, more on this later - Editor’s note)

(Double Dipper)

-Originally, Double Dipper had nothing to do with Wendy (GASP! - Editor’s note) The original premise was about Mabel trying to set up a party so she could mingle with the citizens of Gravity Falls, and make new friends, and Dipper, being the anti-social opposite of her, tries to prevent this at every turn, only to fail. It was only when at the last moment, someone suggested to have Dipper’s story be about Wendy.

-During the slow dance scene, the animators specific added a shot of Wendy from Dipper’s POV so that we (the audience) could understand and feel the same anxiety that he did at that moment.

-At the dance of the episode, Hirsch and the rest of the crew theorize about what happens when Dipper goes back inside the Shack at the end of the night. He specifically asked, “Do you guys think he asks Wendy to dance?” The rest of the crew disagree, saying they can picture Dipper trying to dance on his own, and Wendy cheering him on, sprinkling confetti on him from afar like in the beginning of the episode.

(Cute, but what about this?

is it non-canon, now? Did the commentary happen before the real Journal 3 was written? Or is it presumed that Dipper lied in the journal? What the fuck? - Editor’s note)

(Irrational Treasure)

-Going off on a tangent, Hirsch describes Dipper’s crush on Wendy as “creepy” and “over-the-top.” He details that it’s Dipper’s seriousness that leads to misfortune, and for that, he takes a lot of lumps.

-The Zodiac is mentioned here, and the writers explain that the Ice wasn’t always related to Wendy. The symbol was random.

-And as a cute sidenote, the “binkies” that the Pines twins have at the back of their heads were taken from the same ones that the Mario Bros. have.

(Time Traveler’s Pig)

-Alex Hirsch goes hard on Dipper here. He explains that Dipper has a very naive, yet forgivable, but wrong idea about romance.

-He feels that Dipper would die a thousands deaths to have Wendy feel the same way about him.

-Dipper is desperate to have this perfect moment, this perfect day with Wendy, because he believes that he’s not perfect on his own (told ya’ all! - Editior’s note)

-Hirsch says because of this, Dipper doesn’t deserve to get what he wants. This idea of how the world works shouldn’t be rewarded.

-He adds that creating the lessons above was the hardest part of writing the episode.

(Fight Fighters)

-Hirsch knew that the “crush” angle was getting old, but he loved the story presented here. He says that “Dipper’s heart was in the right place” when defending Wendy against Robbie. (again, take that, internet! - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch was blown away by the internet’s response to the episode, shocked to see how many people have had a negative reaction to it. At this point, Jason Ritter (voice of Dipper) responses, “What?! Love doesn’t die, guys!

-Alex goes into how he doesn’t care for “shipping,” that the “Wendy/Dipper” stories come from need for conflict, but not from character relationships. With Wendy involved, Dipper is motivated, desperate, and will do the most insane things.

-He agrees with internet that the crush wasn’t really going anywhere, but he loved the W&D scripts that kept coming in.

-Robbie’s calling out Wendy like a dog (C’mon, out, girl!) was ad-libbed by TJ Miller.

-Hirsch believes that if left alone, Robbie would have never fought Dipper. He was jealous that his girlfriend was going off on all these weird adventures with this kid. (Wait, so there are untold Wendy/Dipper adventures out there?! - Editor’s note)

-The height difference between Wendy and Dipper literally comes from Alex’s real life (and his twin, Ariel, was taller, like Mabel), where he was the smallest kid in class, and his science partner in school was regular sized, and also, his secret crush.

(The Deep End)

-The episode was always meant to be a non-serious, low-stakes piece. Dipper’s having a good time with Wendy was not meant as romantic, but as friends.

-Wendy was originally meant to have a two piece bikini, but the network made them change it (So, wait, it wasn’t a homage to the Sandlot’s Lifeguard Wendy? - Editor’s note)

(Boyz Crazy)

-Hirsch regrets not clarifying the Robbie/Wendy/Dipper portion at the end.

-He insists that the hidden message in the song was mere coincidence. Wendy was not hypnotized.

-He sees the situation as follows: Dipper is jealous that Wendy is into Robbie’s music. For this, Dipper figures there has to be a sinister reason for this.

-Robbie definitely stole the music, but didn’t know that the message was there. Hirsch says as a child, he was personally fascinated by rock bands having hidden messages in their records.

-At this point in the commentary, Ariel Hirsch chips in, saying that in the end, “Dipper wasn’t thinking about Wendy.” Jason Ritter (Dipper himself) agrees, “He’s only thinking about calling out Robbie.” (told ya’ all x3. - Editor’s note)

-Alex Hirsch’s quote about the hidden message: “Backward messages can’t control people’s behavior because you can’t understand them!”

-His notes on Stan and Dipper bonding in this episode: “Both would rather believe that there is a huge conspiracy rather than they’re bad with women.”

(Land Before Swine)

-Hirsch says as side-notes that Wendy had a running bet with Grunkle Stan about who would eat the corn-unicorn first (he didn’t bet on Waddles). Also, he says that Ford has a fear of women because after a bad experience involving someone being freaked out by his six-fingers.

(Gideon Rises)

-Hirsch admits that Gideon’s speech to Dipper is bullcrap. Dipper has beaten plenty without the aid of the Journal 3, but his insecurities make him believe otherwise.

(Scary-oke)

-Wendy has two cut scenes that are shown in the Special Features disc. At the beginning of the episodes, she (along with Soos) is interview by the news and she is chided for using the word “Jerkface” on live TV. She then goes into a huge rant about her “freedom of speech.” The second shows that Wendy was given the blow-horn by Mabel to be the official hype person of Scary-oke.

(Into the Bunker)

-ITB won an Annie award?! (Didn’t know that - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch wanted to keep the Dipper/Wendy crush going, but could see that the audience was getting tired of it. The writers decided to have Wendy become a member of the team and go on adventures, choosing to have Dipper deal with heartbreak sooner than later.

-It was considered to be the third priority for the second season. (Reveal Author, Revisit Switch in the Woods, and Kill the Crush)

-Speaking of, the Bunker’s staircase was taken from the video game classic, Myst

-The script for “Into the Bunker,” was given to Matt Chapman (of “Homestar Runner”/Strong Bad fame), because all of his GF scripts happen to have heartbreak in them, earning him the nickname, “Shipwrecker.”

-Wendy and Dipper’s movie night/Cold Opening was the very last thing to be added to the episode. They needed something to tie Dipper’s investment to both the adventure at hand, and the Wendy crush

-In this, Dipper’s confidence grows by defeating Gideon, and when Wendy says she doesn’t need guys, it brings him to turmoil by the impossible and hopeless.

-The symbol room was originally the “Gonna Die” room.

-This episode is in Alex Hirsch’s top 5 GF episodes, because of its darker tone.

-He details: there are so many good moments in this episode where Dipper is suffering at the hands of this girl that’s so much cooler and so much beyond what he could even understand.

-The GF team knew that this had to be a stand-out episode for Wendy. We had to spend a lot of time with her, showing that she could hold her own and make a valuable addition to the Mystery Crew. Hirsch regrets not doing that more. For this, every time Wendy is added to the team, she’s awesome.

-The most amount of takes in the entire series was the “Dipper crying over dead Wendy” scene. Hirsch explains that it was a hard thing to sell, and a really vulnerable moment.

-ITB’s ending was one of the hardest endings to write. The commentary says they rewrote it 5 times to get it right.

-An idea used was “Love is temporary, but friendship is real love?” (Hell, that’s what I use about 90% of the time - Editor’s note)

-The line “Don’t be itchy.” was added super late to the script. The team tried to avoid as many cliches as possible.

-The first time the Wendy/Dipper confession scene was watched in animatics, Hirsch and crew felt that it was “too romantic,” like a romcom.

-In the Special Features disc, we see a sneak peak of the deleted scene. In this, Dipper goes in on a rant of despair, pledging to Wendy that he’ll try to avoid the Gift Shop from now on, and that she’ll never have to talk to him again, before she stops him and tries to calm him (Dude, Dude, it’s okay...) (Poor baby... - Editor’s note)

-The scene was meant to reflect Alex’s own puberty, which wasn’t romantic, but nightmarish.

-”It’s meant to be terrifying for Dipper. His heart is in his throat as he has to have this talk with Wendy. He’s frozen, waiting for it to pass, and Wendy can see this pain, and she’s doing everything she can to show him, “Nothing’s different. Everything’s normal. You’re normal. These feelings are normal. I’m a couple years older than you, and I’ve seen this. I’ve been around the block. We all go through it. You’re going to be okay.”

(Kinda wish they went this route instead of the whole “age” thing. It’s beautiful - Editor’s note)

-It couldn’t be a “will they/won’t they” situation. The real question was “will they be friends after this?”

-The writers could see a very legitimate path where Wendy is like, “Dude. you’re creeping me out. Maybe we should take a little time from each other because this is not healthy, etc.” The fact that she was so beautiful and cool and treats Dipper so well shows that she IS the awesome kind of person that Dipper thinks she is.

(The Golf War)

-A quick note about Dipper and relationships. Dipper’s normal social fear melts away when he’s around someone he hates so much. Someone like Pacifica brings out pure sass and rage. (HA! - Editor’s note)

(Little Gift Shop of Horrors)

-There was a possible story being tossed around where Wendy gets a tattoo and gradually, it overtakes her/she becomes the tattoo herself. Alex Hirsch loved the idea of a living tattoo, stating that it’d fit with Wendy’s rebellious teen nature, and that she’d learn a lesson at the end of it.

-The writers passed, saying that Wendy is very hard to write for. When we see her, she’s cool and controlled, and for a short story concept, finding that depth to make it valuable would be difficult. Plus, they didn’t want to be compared to Moana (or the fact it’s almost exactly like a Goosebumps story? - Editor’s note)

(Society of the Blind Eye)

-Hirsch and the writers loved the Wendy/Mabel scene because there’s not many of them throughout the series. To them, it was great to show Wendy as the “cool, older sister.” Hirsch dug Wendy’s complete disregard of boys. “Don’t worry about them. Yeah, whatever, they’re a dime a dozen. I’ve had so many boyfriends...”

-The writers discuss what kind of man Wendy would end up with. “He’d have to be something - some kind of specimen. She’s so confident and having a good time, comfortable in her own skin; if a guy’s cool, she’ll be “Yeah, I’ll try it out,” and when she’s bored, “Yeah, no thanks,” leaving a bottomless scar inside their heart,” going on to cite Robbie as example.

-Alex Hirsch added the line about Wendy’s being stressed 24/7. It’s obviously not what she shows the world, and yet, it shows how you can vaguely see it there. (Tell me about it - Editor’s note)

(Blendin’s Game)

-Alex Hirsch’s view on family: “Friendship is thicker than water, and family’s something you can create.”

-Hirsch’s further thoughts on shipping: He tells the writers that it’s meaningless. He rather ask if they have a compelling story instead. He doesn’t care about love, saying “Love isn’t the end - it’s a story turn.”

-A member of the writing cast was going to comment on the baby Wendy and Tambry scene, when she was interrupted, and the point is never bought up again. (Dammit! - Editor’s note)

(Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons)

-Hirsch debated about having a scene where Dipper reveals his real name to Ford. The consensus said no. The same happened for “Dipper and Mabel Vs. the Future.”

(The Last Mabelcorn)

-Originally, the episode was going to be a Wendy-eccentric episode involving her family and her relationship with Manly Dan. On top of that, she was going to gain magical weather powers as well. The team decided against it, not wanting to be compared to the movie, Frozen, as well finding it hard to balance considering Wendy’s grounded character.

For this, they made it up to her by having Wendy (and her influence) take over the episode after the first third.

(Roadside Attraction)

-The Special Features disc shows an alternate opening that doesn’t showcase a Dipper/Wendy angle at all. Dipper asks a group of ladies to borrow a quarter and instead, gets beaten up for it. Mabel and the gang figure from this that Dipper needs help talking to women.

-The whole point of the episode (to Hirsch) is that Dipper gets advice from Stan when Dipper is only trying to move on, while Stan has no idea what he’s doing, stating he is not a role model by any means. The lesson is not to present false affections and learn to hear other people’s feelings. “Stan lives alone for a reason!”

(Dipper & Mabel Vs. the Future)

-The Mabel/Wendy scene was created so that if someone as cool as Wendy doesn’t like High School, it immediately changes Mabel’s perspective on the matter.

-One of the Government agents were originally going to offer Dipper an apprenticeship/”advanced learning path,” in due to all of his discoveries and research.

-Hirsch figures that Ford’s speech towards Dipper is similar if not the same that he gave to McGucket. Ford takes advantage of hero worship - it’s not so much as he needs an apprentice, rather to have someone that’ll do anything he says. (So where are those people that says Ford doesn’t have a mean streak in him? - Editor’s note)

-Upon Dipper rescuing Ford, Jason Ritter laments on commentary, “If only Wendy could have seen that moment...” to which the room explodes with laughter.

(Weirdmageddon Part 1)

-Hirsch explains: “Wendy is the most grounded character in the series, so in this ungrounded scenario, she is able to make the most of it. She can handle just about anything.”

-Wendy’s speech to Dipper was struggled with for a while. It had to be a speech not about Dipper’s self-confidence, but about how he needed Mabel back (which the writers says there’s truth in)

-The live action Wendy and Dipper scene (with Jason Ritter and Linda Cardellini) had lines cut from the final version (Son-of-a-... Editor’s Note)

-The Gideon/Dipper speech represents the full completion of Dipper’s Wendy arc. It’s a real-life lesson that Hirsch says many people in real life still don’t get.

(Weirdmageddon 2: Escape from Reality)

-A deleted scene in the Special Features disc expands on the beach scene, where Mabel zaps Dipper, Wendy, and Soos’s ruined clothing into gaudy swimwear (though Wendy has a cute flower in her hair ala Hawaiian). They go to the beach and Wendy begins to admire the hunky volleyball players, leading to a jealous Dipper.

-Alex Hirsch explains that the fantasies offered in Mabelland aren’t fantasies, they’re easier outs. Wendy’s is teen rebellion rather than facing reality. Soos’s is the dad he always wanted.

-With Dipper, what was originally going to be behind the door was Ford and the offer of the apprenticeship. They would go off on adventures and discoveries, only to stumble upon a now-alone Mabel, growing up in High School, and having a real life. Hirsch axed the idea, believing that Mabelland, and by extension, Bill Cipher, wouldn’t show the downside of any fantasy, rather Dipper would have to discover it himself. For this, the writers had to go back to “the Wendy Well.” (Special note: we at @wendip-week have to use the phrase, “Wendy Well” more often - Editor’s note)

-Earlier versions of the episodes had different “Wendy wants,” including one where we find her writing deep poetry. The writers go on about her fantasy, saying that it couldn’t be a “perfect guy,” because she’s self-realized. But at the same time, they admit that Wendy “exhibits destructive character flaws that she has to get over.” They add, “She really loves that aimless teen rebellion, that it’s hard to turn down all that chaos.” (So, why the hell didn’t they make an episode about that?! And I wanna see Poet Wendy ASAP! - Editor’s note)

(Weirdmageddon 3: Take Back The Falls)

-Alex Hirsch: “Gravity Falls was always meant to have a bittersweet feeling to it.”

-Weirdmageddon was about giving everyone a hero moment. Part 1 was Wendy and Dipper’s. Part 2 was Mabel, and the Mystery team as a whole. Part 3 was the Stan twins and the town united.

-Jason Ritter marvels at the Wendy and Rumble sequence, noting how all the other characters are fighting with machines, and yet Wendy is going at it bare-handed.

-Weirdmageddon was approved to be a made-for-TV movie, but Disney demanded another 3 episodes for regular air. The team declined.

-There was never an official plan for the Zodiac. It was something the team made as a tease, but after seeing fan response, they knew they had to do something with it. Linking Wendy with the bag was a last minute decision simply because of the scenes involving her and ice throughout the series.

-A quick note about the original quote of the Llama, versus the final one given by Larry King, “Llamas are dumb, blonde, beautiful, and they spit!” (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! - Editor’s note)

-Hirsch is a big believer in visual aid. The Pines twins changed on the inside, and he wanted something to show that on the outside as well. Mabel got to keep Waddles, and for that, Dipper received Wendy’s hat, as a symbol of their friendship.

-Rewatching the scene, Jason Ritter says that he believes Dipper never takes off Wendy’s hat, and is too shy to tell anyone its origins. (”When people ask him, he’s like “Don’t you worry about that...”)

-Alex Hirsch says the switching hats idea came from a storyboarder’s sketch, in which he said, “That feels right.” (Uh-huh. Just a sketch... - Editor’s note)

The Wendy’s note scene was meant to be ambiguous about two things. The first being “Mystery.” It gave Dipper one last question to ponder in his head. (Had to do one last tease, eh? Editor’s note)

-The second was “Endings.” “Did something just die here? Are all these things we love really gone?” HIrsch says not quite. “Endings are new beginnings.”

A few neat points of interest (non Wendip related)

-Jason Ritter is a HUGE gaming fan, where he was able to name almost all the references in “Fight Fighters.” He also played and completed the Gravity Falls 3DS game twice (where Alex Hirsch admits he never has...)

-Hidden in the Double Dipper episode, there is a secret commentary track, where Jason swoons over Wendy for part of the episode, only to be interrupted by his clones (including one that had to camp out for “The Legend of Zelda - Breath of the Wild)

And lastly, I want to address the new comic, Lost Legends. While it didn’t have a hint of Wendip in it:

(sorry, fam, Wendy making a crack about Dipper wearing a skirt doesn’t cut it for me. And didn’t mean to mooch. @fereality-indy. - I couldn’t find a real scan)

But it does contain two other important pieces of information (besides Mabel getting her just-desserts).

The first is a code that gives the hint, WENDY'S MOM: IN ANOTHER DIMENSION?

Such a thing would explain a ton. One would guess that Wendy and her family believes that her mother just vanished, meaning she could have abandonment issues. (and yes, kids, such a thing can affect how people have relationships)

And to add to the tease, there’s a second hint as well in the first story:

(and thank you, GF Team for giving me another canon point to add to the Protector comic by stating the BES still exists!)

But back to the task at hand, we see that the far right vital has Wendy’s mom’s memories. Is this in conjunction with the above point? Or its own theory?

Hopefully, this plot point is exploring in the next piece of GF related media. All I can guess is this, if Wendy’s mom really is stuck in another dimension, the Pines better pray they didn’t have anything to do with it...

The only other interesting thing to note is that at the end of the second story, Wendy makes an comment about “overthrowing the government,” which kinda sounds like the cut scene from “Scary-Oke” mentioned above. Is it a statement of the politics taught in the Corduroy home, or is it a reflection of current views from Alex Hirsch and the writers? (It’s fascinating either way, IMHO).

So, with everything said and done, I’ll admit, reader, I’m a bit mixed up, feeling wise.

On one hand, Alex Hirsch himself confirmed a shit-ton of Wendy and Dipper info that makes me feel like:

But at the same time, it seems like one of my favorite parts of the show is the one he could care less about - that it’s an end to a means. The closest feeling I can relate to is how the Professor in the 2nd TMNT movie inadvertently tells Donatello that he was an accident.

And I get it, the series is based on the dude’s real life, and that includes nearly every aspect of Wendy and Dipper, rather it be good or bad (or as he describes it, mostly bad). But that’s kinda of why I love it, too, that I can relate to that as well, as I’m sure many of you can. I can say with full honesty that I’ve been both a “Dipper,” where I’ve followed along with a way-too-cool-for-me-girl like a lost puppy, and I’ve been a “Wendy,” too, in which a small ball of wonder looked up at me like I was a gift from God, and I tried my best not to sour or pervert that, and yet, remain honest. It is an interesting story, even if it’s not the main story.

Man, he wasn’t kidding when he said “Gravity Falls was about being bittersweet,” eh? But still, the fact remains: while it wasn’t perfect for ol’ Dipper, at least he wasn’t Patti Mayonnaise-d.

Between the numerous essays and questionnaires I’ve whipped up this summer, I still believe that there is ton of info to be asked and answered, especially involving our non-official favorite duo. We can only hope that the powers that be may want to wish about that “Wendy Well” one day in the future. Nothing is ever certain, and with that, I’ll leave you with some of the truest words out there, straight from Dipper Pines himself (and because I can’t find the damned gifs.)

Until next time.

#dipper pines #wendy corduroy #gravity falls #wendip #wendipweek

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fortress-of-iserlohn · 6 years

Note

Please tell me more about Reuenthal/Yang, I have never considered this ship before (Reinhard/Yang is my usual poison of choice) but now I can't stop thinking about it. I need AUs! And canon-divergence! And - please just tell me as many ways this could happen as you can, in as much detail as possible!

howdy anon friend i am fajsdofjsaf. honoured that you are considering my tiny lil raft ship and just HELLO

but really. you have certainly come to the right place! i am here to fulfil all of your AU and canon-divergence needs :D

beneath this cut you shall find TRASH wonder and MORE TRASH all your dreams come to life

alright let’s start with canon-divergence because this one is slightly less quantity and quality because canon fic is really hard??? (and also i am admittedly writing one right now and i don’t wanna give away too much :3????)

logh has all these cool plot points where the outcome changes depending on the action the character in question takes!!!!

ie. what if yang took schonkopf with him to meet with reinhardt the second time?

or like. what if yang disobeyed the orders from hq to stop the battle of vermillion?

or, my personal favourite, what if yang decided that schonkopf was right and then basically declared iserlohn an independent entity and the thirteenth fleet + iserlohn basically divorced themselves from the fpa????

seriously though. do you think either faction could’ve taken the fortress back by force? reinhardt probably eventually could, but in his best interests, he leaves yang alone and goes to crush the fpa first, then comes back to negotiate a truce.

but anyway, we’re here to talk about my favourite thing in the world - reuenthal/yang, so i’ll leave my crying about what if canon for later.

CANON DIVERGENCE REUENTHAL/YANG.

i don’t have much on this because i’ve yet to finish the source material but i will have. more. one. day. (i hope)

also pls note that i’m not big on plot beyond trashy fluff, so this is probably stupendously ooc and i can’t fix it just let me have my otp pls asofmsaodfijas

1. the star crossed lovers thing - where reuenthal accompanied kircheis to negotiate the exchange of prisoners with the fpa. and it’s literally love at first sight for him with yang and yang’s not. disagreeable because reuenthal is beautiful and he can be charming af when he wants to be (and he really wants to charm yang lbr)

after kircheis and reuenthal return to odin, reuenthal starts moping about the admiral’s big brother house and eventually caves and talks to mittermeyer about his pure hearted admiration of yang where in mittermeyer stares flatly at reuenthal and tells him ‘you’re pining like one of those heroines you detest from the classics’ and reuenthal is so Offended TM by this he sulks off to the officer’s bar and drowns his sorrows until he becomes drunk enough to admit that hey, mittermeyer really knows him too well.

so the next day, very hung over, reuenthal starts sending letters (or more likely, electronic communications) to the 13th fleet with flowery poetry and declarations of his feelings and shit. and at the start, the 13th fleet kind of think he’s up to something nefarious. but then they just realise reuenthal actually really is just pathetically in love with yang and so for the good of all mankind, they just ‘accidentally delete’ every single message before it makes it to yang.

no one expects that reuenthal eventually (cos that boy has no chill, like me) literally rolls up and parks his goddamned flagship next to the hyperion when the tristan is supposed to be passing nearby one day and demands to know why yang hasn’t been basically texting him back and then yang is like ‘??????????????? wat’ and then everyone in the 13th fleet, from schonkopf down to julian have a LOT OF EXPLAINING to do. (cazerne pretended to know nothing and washed his hands of the whole thing from the start because the less he knows about these sort of things the more sane he can stay okay).

eventually reinhardt gets sick of reuenthal moping about odin and shoos him off to be the consul of heinessen and reuenthal just continues to woo yang (now in person!!!) by showing off whenever he can even when it’s stupidly inappropriate with the inbuilt optimism of being a good looking and popular dude that everything will work out eventually and one day yang will just cave and say ‘fine.’ (spoiler alert, he does)

2. post-vermillion - actually this is 90% what my fic is about so i’m not going to say a lot about it. you’ll get to read this eventually as a proper-ish fic in a month or two (pray for me pls, it’s currently 7000 words and nowhere near done).

but consider. if yang and reuenthal met after the alliance surrendered. hm. Hm. HMMMMMMMMM. with added shenanigans from my favourite admirals from the empire and fpa sides :D

AU REUENTHAL/YANG

I FRIGGEN LOVE AU.

i’ve already talked about my ‘what if yang was born in the empire’ au, and briefly covered my college/university au where reuenthal social media stalks yang in a non-creepy way until he grows enough balls to just ask him out.

but, i was also yelling a lot at @beingevil today cos she brought up an actor au, but she’ll be writing that one so i’ll leave it up to her (WINK WONK)

other AUs to be considered:

1. history professor!yang & hitman!reuenthal - someone (probably fucking job trunicht) puts a hit out on yang and reuenthal is assigned to the job and he stakes out yang for a few days and yang is just like a small defenseless animal????? how can he murder a small, defenseless animal like that?? and gosh he’s super cute too??? he’s so my type!!!!!??? so he can’t pull the trigger and instead reuenthal goes on the run with yang and they uncover conspiracies against the government and then they put trunicht into prison and live happily ever after?

2. coffee shop au - where yang owns a coffee shop and reuenthal is a lawyer/business person who comes in to buy coffee, but in reality is here to perv on yang and also everyone in the shop (customers and staff alike) knows this except for yang who thinks reuenthal is a really nice guy and ‘julian, don’t you think reuenthal is just so friendly. he seems to really like leaning close to you when he talks and his voice is so deep and his eyes are so striking and he’s really handsome ???’ and julian sighs and goes to make himself another three expresso shots just to get through the rest of the hour

3. hogwarts au - where reuenthal is a slytherin, who’s bffls with a gryffindor (mittermeyer) and yang is the laziest ravenclaw ever sorted and did you know his best subject is a history of magic which everyone else hates??? so like they have potions together (because they’re the same age and so they would be in the same year level!!) and reuenthal thought that yang would be HELPFUL but there’s a reason yang consistently almost fails everything but history which is that he literally comes into class and then curls into a ball and then GOES TO SLEEP. so imagine reuenthal’s DESPAIR when he gets paired up with yang for astronomy as well? it’s his shittiest subject because ew astronomy??? and they’re assigned to do their major project together. but it doesn’t turn out as bad as he imagines. instead, they slowly develop ~feelings~ because there’s cute midnight dates on the astronomy tower where they cuddle beneath a blanket together for ~warmth~ and share hot tea while they do their star charts. then eventually reuenthal talks yang into going to a quidditch match and vaguely cheering for slytherin because reuenthal is one of their star players. cue attenborogh being thoroughly distressed by yang’s casual betrayal of his own house ‘but yang, you’ve never come to a single game in five years’ and yang replying ‘interhouse rivalry promotes antagonistic tendencies’ and wrapping himself up snugly with reuenthal’s green and white scarf.

honourable mentions go out to the following:

- hetalia!AU - where yang is the personification of the alliance and reuenthal falls in love with freedom

- soulmate!AU - where your soulmate’s name is written in their hand somewhere on your body & reuenthal’s been hiding his entire life because his name is written in alliance standard and yang just thinks that the curved lines across his arm is a really weird birthmark

- pokemon!AU - where yang is the most wtf gym leader ever and kind of just naps all day on a snorlax but no one’s been able to get a badge off him since he took the gym. reuenthal as an ambitious trainer who’s just missing THE ONE BADGE...

i actually have a heap more but i just. NEED TO CRY ABOUT THEM FOR A WHILE BECAUSE CANON IS MEAN TO ME

#ask me #anonymous #anon-friend you are best #reuyang #Anonymous

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fapangel · 6 years

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So you finally watched The Last Jedi. Thoughts?

It is worse than I could have possibly imagined.Sit down and buckle up, because this one’s a doozy. (Spoilersabound.)

AsI’ve previously detailed, it was clear the movie was a trainwreckeven before I watched it due to simple structural issues with thebasic plot, much of it inherited from The Force Awakens (which I didsee.) To wit, the movie is a sequel to the original trilogy, butcompletely ignores everything that happenedin the original trilogy. Having seen The Last Jedi, it’s nowblatantly clear thatthe new trilogy was intended as a reboot - but that’s impossible todo when it’s shamelessly mining the OT for characters, concepts, andinformation. I’m not talking about the shameless density of nostalgiareferences and even aped plots in The Force Awakens, either - I’mtalking about The Last Jedi considered in a vacuum. (Just one exampleis Leia’s use of force power to pull herself back into her ship,which makes no sense without the original trilogy context.) Giventhe high praise some of my friends had paid the show, I’d been opento the possibility of it having merit as a movie, ifnot as a Star Wars sequel, butits inability toescape the structural/sequel critique presaged its complete and utterfailures in writing.

Thisis a point I must make explicit: TheLast Jedi is such a horribly written movie that it transcends merefailure; it is actively harmful and offensive, “problematic” inthe sense that the much-maligned “SJWs” use the term. Thisis the unassailable core of the offense that The Last Jedi (“TLJ”)offers. Much of what I’m about to bitch about, especially anythingto do with pre-established Star Wars canon, could have been glossedover, or even forgiven, if the core storytelling was solid enough. Ifit looks flashy and cool, adheres to rules that the audience knowsfrom prior films, oreven rules the film itself laid down earlier, anyaction sequence or detail of spaceships and tech can be made to work.Star Wars is classic Space Opera centered on Space Wizards; youcan get away with a lotifyou’re making one big concession to enable the plot and not justjerking the audience around every five minutes. But TLJ not only doesthat, it also has no story worth making concessions to enable. Theinescapably lethal flaw of TLJ is that none of the characters areworth a damn, and their arcs simply do not work.

That’sit. Without that, you have no story, period. Withthat,any number of flaws, errors, and plot holes might be forgiven, if thecore story is strong enough. Even if the core story isn’tstrongenough, one could at least acknowledge that the movie wasn’t a totaldisaster, it was just dragged down by too many errors, a death of athousand cuts. TLJ manages to have allof the ancillary problems, andno character story at all to make it worth a flying fuck.

Thiswon’t be a comprehensive dismantling of TLJ, as there’s more thanenough out there - I suggest seeing MauLer’sreviews, either the 30 minute “Unbridled Rage” or thethree-part,multi-hourtakedown for a truly exhaustive treatment. This is mostly Planefag’sPerspective (becuase people like it when I say the funny fuqq wordsapparently,) an explanation to my writer friends (which they’ll findinteresting, as it’s rare for our opinions on works of fiction todiverge so strongly), and presentation of what seems to be aheretofore unmade argument - that TLJ is morally reprehensible bydint of the biases, prejudices and twisted ideas it perpetuates.

Yes,it is that fuckingbad. ButI’m saving the best for last. In order of magnitude, why TLJ is apile of steaming, utter shit:

NOT ONE SINGLEFUCKING CHARACTER ARC WORKS AT ALL.

Thisis the core, unforgivable failing - the complete absence of anyfucking story. This isespecially notable with Rey and Kylo, the lead characters of themovie around which everything else revolves. WhenRey and Kylo first spoke to each other across lightyears, I stood upand shouted “THE FORCEIS NOT A FUCKING SKYPE CALL!” Iwould’ve forgiven the Space Wizard liberties had the interactionsworked, but my wrathproved sadly prescient, as Kylo and Rey’s every interactionthereafter seemed like two teenagers awkwardly flirting over Skype…except they had far lesschemistry than that. As I write this, I find it difficult to evenrecall what they fucking talked about- the first time was Kylo surprised it was happening and Rey callinghim an evil murdering prick (for good reason,) the second time sherang him up when he had his shirt off and he told her to “let go ofthe past, kill it if you must,” and the third time she told him shesensed conflict in him, they touched hands through The Force, and she“saw his future” through this, because Rey Is Very Good At TheForce.

Onthe basis of these three interactions, Reygoes from Kylo Ren’s sworn enemy to moist and thirsty for histhrobbing red lightsaber. I shit you fucking negative. Uponthese three brief conversations,the central character story of the entire movie rides- and they come nowhere close topulling it off. There’s so many reasons for this that it’s hard tosummarize them. Rey’s shown to be pining for her family again(despite having moved past this in her character arc in The ForceAwakens, but Rian Johnson can’t keep shit consistent in his ownmovie, much less thesame fucking trilogy.) She’s angry at Kylo for killing his father,Han, whom she was adopting as a father figure herself (their firstchat takes place after Luke asks after Han and Rey accuses Kylo ofit, so this is expressly brought forward into TLJ.) So when Kylo ripsinto Rey over her parents; pointing out that they were white trashthat sold her into servitude for drinking money and never cared abouther, before telling her to kill her past, he’sonly reminding her that he had something she never did and alwayswanted (a loving family,) and that he fucking murdered saidfamily. There’s no wayRey could empathize with Kylo over this.

Butwe’re supposed to ignore this, and believe that Rey now feels someempathy for Kylo because she 1. saw him with his shirt off and 2.touched his hand and Sensed The Good In Him Through The Force.

Whata load of complete and utter fucking horseshit.

Thereare other arcs, and they all fall flat on their fucking faces aswell. For starters, Luke.Luke’s arc, especially, cannotbe insulated from continuity criticisms because he’s the mainfucking character of the Original Trilogy, andTLJ leans heavily onthat lineage for its setup. The climax of Luke’s character arc wasachieving the seemingly impossible - redeeminghis father, Darth Vader, who had fallen to evil decades ago andcommitted untold numbers of atrocities. Andin TLJ, Luke actually contemplates CHOPPINGHIS OWN NEPHEW’S FUCKING HEAD OFF becausehe “sees darkness in him.” The man who’s crowning, definingachievement was redeeming his Father from the dark side isconsidering NEPOTICIDEbecause the kid mightfall.

Evenif you ignore that, why Luke’sinsists that“the Jedi should end” is never explained, as he never says itoutright and never finishes a single lesson with Rey which issupposed to teach her why.Why does he extrapolate hisfailure to mean the entire galaxy isbetter off without them? His interactions with Rey accomplishnothing; he basically tells her to fuck off for a while, decides to“teach her,” promptly tells her she’s supor haxx0rz powerful likeKylo, watches her master lightsaber-ing because she knows how toswing a metal quarterstaff, and is then told by Yoda himself thatthere’s nothing in the ancient Jedi tomes Rey needs, because she’s sofucking special she knows it all already. Yoda fucking torchesthe ancient temple-tree-library to make his point that Luke’s always“staring at the horizon instead of at what’s in front of him” andthat he needs to focus on the here and now; implicitly saying thatRey was right, and he shouldhump his ass out there to “face down the First Order with a lasersword”…

…but instead of doing that, he literally phonesit in from half a galaxy away with The Force, puttinghimself in (almost) no danger, but fucking dies anyways,meaning he died as he lived; agrouchy old coward who never did face down his own apprentice andanswer for his mistakes. Luke’sarc makes no fucking sense, achievesnothing, and goes fucking nowhere.

Finnand Rose was portrayed as a budding relationship, except there wasn’ta single fucking hint of it being romantic till she kissed him at theend of the show after a pat speech about “saving what we love.”In the beginning of the movieshe tazes Finn (yes, the black man got tazed) for trying to skip townin an escape pod, which she found personally offensive because hersister had just died in the opening battle to defend The Resistance.At the end of the movie, Finn is willing to sacrifice his life todefend that same Resistance, his character having actually grown -and Rose rams him off-course before he can do so, despitehaving tazed him earlier in the movie for dishonoring hersister’s sacrifice to defend the exact same cause. Atbest, this means shewas only truly concerned with her personal loss, which would make hera self-centered, selfish cunt, willing to sacrifice the lives of manyothers (and potentially the freedom of the entire Galaxy) for her ownemotional needs. But it’s not portrayed as a selfish decision - it’sportrayed as the right one,which taps into an entire larger problem of its own I’ll touch onlater. It’s the same problemthat’s entirely responsible for crippling Poe’s character arc. Finnand Rose were simply dealt the coup de grace by it, as theirpreceding scenes together were sparse; involving them coming up witha plan to save the rebel fleet (seconds after Rose had tazed him,bro, and had no reason to do a 180 and start trusting him without anexplanation that he never did give,) a monologue about how shitRose’s life was and How Capitalism Is Bad on the casino planet, and abrief “well we’re fucked and by extension THE ENTIRE GALAXY but westuck it to the man, how cool,” and Rose has a moment where shesets an animal free and says that was superior to making baddieshurt, setting up her closing line later.

Andthat’s it. That’s fucking it. Comparethis to Princess Leia in the original trilogy. Her response to aStormtrooper walking into her cell - someone who she has every reasonto assume is there to take her to a torture session (as she wasclearly shown being tortured some minutes earlier in the movie,) isto comment wryly on his height. Andseconds after breaking out of the jail cell, she’s shouting orders atpeople, spraying the air with energy from a stolen blaster rifle, andin fact leading themout of the immediate danger (“Someone’s got to get us out ofhere!”) And during this entire sequence herrepartee and rivalry with Han Solo is already being established, the“excuse me Princess” cranked to the max. The friction that beginstheir relationship is Han butting heads with her before witnessingthat she’s dangerous,composed, and competent in emergency and combat situations. Notonly is their relationship developed during actionsequences of real consequence, as well as down-time chats, but italso takes three entire moviesto build to a climax. Comparedto that writing, Rey jumping on Kylo’s dick after three Skype callsand Rose giving one rusty fuckabout Finn are egregiously bad.If you criticize the OT andthink TLJ is superior, you have a lot toanswer for, right there.

However,Finn himself had potential - if only because his character was theleast tampered with, so one could assume his character developmentfrom TFA was intact, and TLJ’s script hinted gently in support of itand never against it. He started TFA just wanting to run like abitch, and by the end had come to care, at least, about defendingRey. He was trying to hare off after Rey in the beginning of TLJ, andby the end had committed fully to a cause, the opposite cause of theone he’d abandoned at the opening of TFA. It’snever really covered why hegrows like this - at the very beginning he goes from wanting to legit to forming a plan with Rose to save the fleet instantly. He wastalking his way out of being shoved in the brig at the time, but henever takes a subsequent option to duck out; in the space of a fewseconds he’s committed himself to a dangerous recon mission that willend with infiltrating an enemy capital ship withapparently no qualms whatsoever. If this was ever covered indialogue, it was so brief I completely missed it - and this isprobably why his arc “worked” the best; it wasn’t the focus, so Ididn’t care much about how it happened… plus, by the end, Finn isthe only halfway relatable character at all, beating Rose by alandslide because we have awhole movie of development for him (TFA) as opposed to one briefboo-hoo monologue from Rose (oh and her sister died boohoo.) He’s nota fucking Mary Sue like Rey, he’s not entirely certain about his rolein things, and so at the end, when he makes the decision tosuicide-run the Very Big Gun, there’s actually some investment andaudience-character empathy there. Finn,alone, is the only character we can empathizewith.

Andthen fucking Rose putson a stellar display of Asian Driving Skills and robshim of his moment,because-

EVERYBODY WITHA PENIS IN THIS MOVIE IS ALWAYS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING ALWAYS,BECAUSE FUCK MEN

Thisis not an exaggeration. In my priorcomments I mentioned that just because everyone saidthis was the case didn’t mean Ibelieved it, because I’ve seen the CHUDs hurl the same complaints atobjectively excellent movies (the latest Mad Max, forinstance,) and that’s before theGamer/pol/Gate crowd made counter-bitching at the SJW bitching apastimefor casual amusement. I wasexpecting some token casting, some throwaway GRRL POWER lines, etc.

Instead,I got the most misandrist movie I have ever seen.

It’snot just a matter ofwriting every male character to be stupid and every female characterto be smart - the laws of probability themselves bendover backwards to make everything a woman does the right choice, andeverything a man does the wrong one… except even when the Universedoesn’t do that, theman gets his ass chewed out anyways for making the rightcall.

Butthat came later. My first exposure to the misandry came in the formof Admiral Holdo, a purple-haired, ballgown-clad fleet Admiral wholooked like she walked out of Tumblr SJW Central Casting. But despiteThe Internet having named this character as egregiously bad manytimes, nothing, nothing prepared me for the actualperformance.

LauraDern deliberately portrays Holdo as a venomous, imperiousbully.

Onehas to actually see the performance to appreciate howdeliberate and well-done it is. Laura Dern crosses her arms, doesn’tface the person she’s addressing, literally looks down her nose whenshe does, and even does that particular kind of sneer whereone bites their lower lip and looks at someone like they’re dogshit.Laura Dern’s delivery perfectly matches the scripted lines - sheresponds to a straightforward request for information from Daemon Poeby insulting him, then attacking him- “My plan? Like yourplan which destroyed all our bombers?” She then proceeds to attackhis manhood, calling him a stupid little gung-ho flyboy, and advisinghim to “stick to his post and follow my orders” with the exactsneering tone of someone saying “sit down and be a good littleboy.” The soft-spoken volume of the delivery just drives it home -it’s the “oh, honey” condescending shitpost meme made manifestand played entirely straight.

Theworst part of this performance is that Hold is supposed tobe an Admiral, a military officer. Poe eve drops a line about herbeing the hero of such and such battle to establish that she’ssupposedly respected and famous - and then she proceeds to shredthat impression by acting like anything but a militaryofficer. Captain Janeway on Star Trek: Voyager wasn’t verynice - in fact, she could be an outright rude asshole - but shealways sounded like a Captain when Kate Mulgrew delivered herlines. She didn’t deliberately humiliate or insult people by saying“sit down like a good little boy;” she’d say “I’m the Captain,get the fuck off my bridge before I brig your ass forinsubordination.” That’s how the military works; there is achain of command, and those who challenge it are reminded thatthey’re pissing on God’s leg, and God does not fuck around. Todeliberately portray Holdo as literal stereotype of a “nastywoman” suggests that Rian Johnson actually thinks this is what a“strong woman” should look like. And in fact, Laura Dern saidthis explicitly:

Speaking about her character’sstylish-yet-firm leadership, Dern told VanityFair: “[Rian is] saying something that’s been atrue challenge in feminism. Are we going to lead and be who we are aswomen in our femininity? Or are we going to dress up in a boy’sclothes to do the boy’s job? I think we’re waking up to what wewant feminism to look like.”

So apparently CaptainJaneway wasn’t a real woman, because women simply can’t beauthoritative and direct, and if they are, they’re just playing asthose toxic men. From the director’s point of view, a “strongwoman” is a viscous, venomous bully who replies to peoplerequesting information by insulting, mocking, humiliating andsneering at them instead of firmly asserting their lawful authorityand citing their own reputation for competence.

Rian Johnson bothdirected and wrote the movie, so in this one scene, everythinghe believes is coming out - the epitome of an entire plot ruledby the iron fist of misandrist horseshit. The scene itself isan example. The movie opens with the Resistance evacuating a planetas the First Order fleet (led by a massive dreadnought with an“autocannon”) closes in. Poe Dameron, the aforementioned “flyboy”attacks and destroys the dreadnought, against Leia’s orders, just asit is explicitly shown to be locking its Big Scary Gun ontoLeia’s command cruiser (there’s even a cut to Leia’s face toemphasize the point.) There’s nothing to suggest that Leia’s cruiserwould’ve gone to lightspeed before then if not for Poe’s attack;despite him landing in a hurry, we know X-Wings arehyperspace-capable themselves (within this movie, in fact, as we’reshown an X-Wing underwater on Luke’s island; presumably his ridethere,) and as a Captain and, apparently, the Resistance’s fieldcommander, Poe would know the rally point the Resistance isevacuating to.

The movie itselfshows that Poe saved the command cruiser, and with it, the entirecommand staff of the Resistance - and for this he is first demoted byLeia for disobeying orders, and then viciously insulted by Holdo whenhe simply asks her for information. When the First Order follow theResistance through hyperspace with some newly-invented trackingdevice, Kylo Ren and his fellow Spess Fighters zoom in and blow upthe cruiser’s launch bay with torpedo-like missiles… and are thenimmediately ordered to retreat because the capital ships “can’tcover them that far away.” This makes absolutely no fuckingsense, as in the battle scene immediately prior, Poe attackedthe dreadnought to take out its “surface cannons” to clear theway for the Resistance’s bomber ships to attack, and the captain ofsaid ship explicitly says that those guns can’t hit fightersand that they should have their own fighters out there - “fiveminutes ago,” no less, as if lampshading the plot convenientincompetence makes it okay. And since two torpedo-like missilesutterly destroy the command cruiser’s launch bay, you can surmise theFirst Order doesn’t require huge, plodding, and stupidly vulnerable“bombers” as the Resistance used to take out the dreadnought.Said dreadnought didn’t have any visible shield protection during thefirst battle; (especially obvious because we’re later shown capitalship fire hitting the shielding of the command cruiser with verydistinctive special effects,) and in fact the command cruiserexplicitly “focuses its shields aft” to fend off thepursuers capital-class weaponry, just to create the opening for Kyloto nuke the hangar bay (and blast Leia into space as well.) Thereis absolutely no fucking reason the First Order fighter-bomberscouldn’t have finished off the command cruiser right then and there,but we’re simply shown Kylo’swingmen being shot down (by what, we never see,) as he’s told “theycan’t cover him out there” as an excuse. The movieviolates its own rules just to take away Poe’s X-Wing and put Holdoin charge.

Andthis is just the fucking beginningof the Universe itselfbending over backwards to invalidate everythinganyone with a penisdoes. Poe is the one that authorizes Finn and Rose’s sidequest tofind a “master codebreaker” at the Gold Saucer (to sneak on thebad guy’s ship to disable their tracker so the fleet can escape,) buttheir plan fails because Fuck Anyone With A Penis. But that’s not theoffensive part. Earlier, Poe sees Holdo’s fueling the transports, andangrily points out that said transports will be sitting ducks for theenemy’s guns. He asks Holdo againfor a plan, and shefeeds him some fucking bullshit non-answer about “hope being aspark that lights a fire.” With the entireResistance Fleet nowdown to one cruiser (outof three starting ships), Poe intelligently determines that Holdo isfucking useless and stages a mutiny so he can see his own planthrough. Holdo defeats her captors by not getting shot the moment shetwitches and winning a point-blank firefight with much younger combattroops because fuck you. Nowback in command, she sees off Leia (just awake after her impromptuspace-walk) and on thetransports, Leia tells Poe that “Holdo knows the First Order won’tbe scanning for small ships like this.”

Yes.That’s the explanation. Poe Dameron - the fleet’s combat commanderand fighter pilot, someone who’s fucking job isto understand the capabilities of the ships in their fleet - didn’tknow this, but Admiral Holdo did because she has a vagina andtherefore is perfect. They’re boarding the transports to “slipaway” to another planet - visiblethrough the fucking window - andyet the First Order - WHOWATCHED THESE PEOPLE EVACUATE THE LAST PLANET ON THESE TRANSPORTS -“won’t know to lookfor small ships like these.”

Butwait - it gets worse. Finn and Rose’s mission failed, not becausethey were simply caught by security or because they were attemptingsomething that Ben Kenobi, an experienced Jedi knight had to give hislife to accomplish in Ep. 4 whenthe enemy was letting them go, butbecause a traitor betrayed them, who also, conveniently, tells thefirst order about the transports, so they’re revealed by a“decloaking scan” (which implies the transports have cloakingdevices; i.e. an inherent designed ability of the vessels, not just asmaller sensor signature inherent to their size, ergo something POEDEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT.) TheFirst Order starts blasting transports out of the sky, and of coursethis is all Poe’s fault.

Andthen there’s the Robbing of Finn. Admiral Holdo kamikazes the commandcruiser into the First Order fleet with the hyperdrive (itself afucking massive, retarded plot hole to end all plot holes), thussacrificing herself to Save The Resistance. And yet when Finnattempts to do THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING not20 minutes later in the movie; a kamikaze self-sacrifice to save theentire Resistance, Rose rams into him to stop because “we shouldsave what we love instead of destroy what we hate.” This line isdelivered as the Big Gun blows up the base’s doors, thus sealing theResistance’s Fate… but wait! They all escape through a back doorbecause Rey shows up just in time to use her never-trained,never-practiced Force powers to clear a rockslide for them. Rose hadno way of knowing this would happen; meaning her ramming of Finn was,as far as she knew, condemning everyoneto death and her andFinn, at best, tocapture and execution by the First Order. But as usual, the Plotitself bends over backwards to make her choice the correct one, andFinns the wrong one.

Shortlyafter this, Poe “completes his character arc” by acting on whatLeia told him (“you have to run not fight sometimes”) andparroting that fucking arrogant bully bitch Holdo’s fortune-cookieAesop about sparks lighting fires, finally acknowledging the WisdomOf The Females, despite everychoice he made in this movie beingthe objectively correct ones, given the knowledge that he as acharacter possessed.

Andwe haven’t even talked about Rey yet.

Ohmy fucking god, Rey.

Reyis the biggest fucking Mary Sue I have ever seen. This,like every other blunt statement in this piece, is not anexaggeration, as much as it saddens me. Rey can fail at nothingshe attempts. Rey has towork for absolutely nothing she gains. Rey has as much raw power asKylo, at least (by Luke’s own judgment,)and she is moreskilled than he is at lightsaber fighting as evidenced by her savingKylo afew times during the throne room fight. This,despite having notraining in the weapon(which has no mass and can lop off her limbs easily, unlike the metalquarterstaff she’s experienced with) compared to Kylo, who trainedunder Luke himself foryears before moving on to whoever the fuck Snoke was supposed to be.Rey can just touch Kylo’shand and “see his future” isn’t all dark, when the much moreexperienced Luke did the same and only saw darkness. Rey can temptKylo to betray his master and move towards the light after threefucking awkward Skype calls. WhenLuke ignored his master and left in the middle of his training torescue his friends, he got his fucking ass kicked, his handcut off, and his lightsaber lost. WhenRey does the exact same thing, SHE BEATS LUKE MOTHERFUCKINGSKYWALKER IN A MELEE FIGHT, FLIES OFF INTO SPACE, AND SUCCEEDS ATTURNING EDGELORD MCSITHBOI AT LEAST HALFWAY AND SAVES THE ENTIRERESISTANCE BY LEVITATING A WHOLE FUCKING ROCKSLIDE WITH NO TRAINING,WHEN LUKE, WHO WAS ACTIVELY BEING TRAINED, STRUGGLED TO MERELY STACKONE ROCK ON ANOTHER AND COULDN’T HOIST AN X-WING THAT WEIGHED LESSTHAN THAT WHOLE ROCKSLIDE PUT TOGETHER.

Reyis a stupid boring nothing, who’s emotions and struggles I can’t finda single fuck to give about because she’s never in any realdanger, never has to work for anything she gets, and never developsas a person at all. I didn’t criticize her character arc because shenot only lacks one, she’s arguably not even a character at all -there’s seemingly no limit to her abilities, no flaws or pitfalls forher character, since everything she does turns out to be the rightcall (sound familiar?) and only the barest suggestion of whatpersonal goals she seeks (and those aren’t sold one fucking bit bythe story development.) For all effects and purposes Rey is a walkingavatar of the Plot itself, or as Rian seems to call it, The Force.

FuckRey and the bantha she rode in on.

THE PLOT IS THE MOSTNONSENSICAL, LAZY PILE OF FUCKING SHIT EVER PUT TO PAPER BY MORTALMAN

Muchof the plot’s problems originate from what I described above; thevery rules of the universe bending over backwards to serve RianJohnson’s twisted misandrist worldview. But they don’t stop there,by a fucking long shot.

Muchhate has been thrown at those “bombers” in the movie’s opening,but as I said before, TLJ cannot stand on its own even in relationto itself. Ignoring all of pre-existing Star Wars canon, eventhings belonging to the “new movies” like Rogue One, within TLJitself, fighter-bombers are shown delivering grievous damage to acapital ship when Kylo’s wingmen blow the shit out of Leia’s bridge,using torpedo-like missiles that can strike at a distance, launchedfrom fast, maneuverable craft. Said cruiser’s bridge was explicitlyunshielded at the time, since its shields were “focused aft” tofend off turbolaser fire - something that’s shown with distinctivespecial effects that were totally absent when Poe was blasting lasercannons off the First Order Dreadnought in the beginning (ergo, itwas unshielded for some reason.) So the movie itself has shownthat unshielded targets can get the shit blown out of them byfighter-bombers firing torpedoes and that the dreadnaught wasunshielded.

Ionly mention this because it really pissed me off personally, andbecause it showcases Rian Johnson’s dogshit sense of drama andaesthetics, as he had a hardon for “WWII bombers” and apparentlythought it’d make for a better, tenser combat scene than Y-Wingsweaving and dodging through AA fire and enemy fighters like VT-8making their courageous, doomed run at the Kido Butai atMidway. The actual plot itself doesn’t have “holes,” asthat implies an otherwise cohesive structure with missing bits. Theplot is 90% holes and 10% substance, a sieve trying to hold meaning.

Theentire movie’s plot is set up by a “low speed chase,” theResistance fleet fleeing from the First Order’s fleet at sublightvelocities, because the First Order is using a “hyperspace tracker”that’ll allow them to chase the Resistance at FTL anyways. TheResistance’s cruisers are faster, which allows them to pull out oflethal range of their enemies, but - as a First Order officer says -“they’re faster and lighter but they can’t get away from us.”

Thismakes no fucking sense. If they’re faster - even by a smidgen -they’re faster. If they can pull out of laser cannon range tostart with, they can keep pulling out of range. They mightsimply maintain range once clear, to save fuel (because ships needfuel and they’re low, of course - something never, ever mentionedbefore in any Star Wars film ever,) but this makes no sense when youconsider that the objective of Admiral Holdo (which she won’t tell tofucking anyone) is to reach a planet with an old Rebel base with atransmitter powerful enough to “contact our allies in the Outer Rimand call for help.” In which case it’d make sense to haul ass forsaid planet, so they have some time to call for help and wait for itsarrival without the First Order launching a ground assault almost assoon as they land, right?

Butwait! Rey delivers herself to the First Order’s flagship via zippingin from Hyperspace with the Millennium Falcon, very close - beggingthe question of why the First Order (apparently not low on fuel)can’t use Hyperspace themselves to zip ahead of the Resistance fleet(even if they’ve got to bounce to a neighboring system due tominimum-range reasons) and cut them off, or just do a direct jump tocatch up. Worse, Finn and Rey take a hyperspace-capable shuttle toCasino World to execute their convoluted plan, which begs thequestion - why didn’t Holdo order an engineering team onto theshuttle and send it ahead to the old Rebel base? HOW MANY FUCKINGPEOPLE DOES IT TAKE TO WARM UP A REACTOR, BLOW THE DUST OFF A CONSOLEAND PLACE A FUCKING COLLECT CALL?

Thesecomplete failures of intellect - yes, even the infinitely stupidhyperspace kamikaze thing - all have one thing in common: they orientaround plans and facts that aren’t revealed to us till the lastminute, so we won’t notice these problems. It’s also because RianJohnson only cared about “subverting expectations” and provingthat his super special women were so clever and right all along, sohe clearly pulled plot elements out of his ass as he deemed themconvenient.

Ifyou’re one of my Twitter followers who usually tunes in for my vagueranting about defense-related matters, some necessary context isneeded: I’ve written literally thousands of pages worth of “quest”fiction; where I write anywhere from a few paragraphs to a few pagesof fiction, then have my audience vote on what the main characterdoes next - and the content itself is anime fanfiction. And Iam dead serious when I say that, at my worst, when Iwas pulling shit out of my ass on the spot, writing almost inreal-time and posting updates without stopping to proofread or editat all, I never did anything this fucking lazy. At myworst - writing that was so awful I wouldn’t wipe Assad’sass with it - I put more effort into my plot and consistency thanRian Johnson did with his titanic budget and multi-billion dollarstewardship of a beloved brand and franchise.

Andthat’s why I don’t find the hyperspace kamikaze moment offensive onits own merits. It’s horrific, yes - it invalidates space combat inthe entire setting, as well as begging questions specific to themovie (why didn’t Holdo use it outright, for instance?) but thesearen’t any worse than the numerous other stupidities that belabor theplot. What makes the hyperspace thing stand out to me is the attemptto excuse it - two throwaway exchanges. A First Order bridgeofficer notes that Holdo’s cruiser is spinning up its FTL drive, andthe commander dismisses it as an attempted diversion to lead themaway from the transports they’re potting like ducks. This isapparently the excuse for why Holdo didn’t do it earlier - she neededa distraction to allow time to turn. Nevermind that the other twoships with them - that ran out of fuel and were destroyed, afterevacuating their crew to the command cruiser - could’ve providedthis option hours earlier. The two lines make it clear that RianJohnson was aware of this plot hole, and he tries to paper it overwith two brief dialogue lines, as if that’ll excuse everything.

Theentire fucking movie is riddled with lines like this; barebreaths that have to carry the entire movie’s fucking plot setup. Reymentions to Luke that the First Order will “control all the majorsystems within weeks” at the beginning. The Order officer’s singleline that explains the Low Speed Chase the entire movie revolvesaround. Leia’s offhand mention of the old base with the Transmitterof Sufficient Power to reach Their Allies In The Outer Rim. Etc. TLCis demonstrably lacking “downtime” as a movie - think Luke, Hanand Leia chatting in the base on Hoth (“laugh it up, furball,”)the briefing in Episode 4 laying out the Death Star attack, etc.Fiction writing calls it pacing, and scriptwriting calls this “storybeats;” you need the right tempo of fast and slow to properly pacea movie. TLJ never slows down long enough to fucking explainitself, compared to the earlier movies - and the OT didn’t domuch of that to begin with! But it did more than enough to ground theentire story in a larger framework of what the situation was, andwhy the character’s actions mattered. We don’t get that in TLJ.Even the fucking opening scroll narration is inferior in termsof information density. It’s almost like there isn’t a plotworth a damn, just whatever horseshit excuse Rian Johnson squeezesout of his anus next, and if the movie stops cramming glossy CGI andaction figure product placement down your throat for five fuckingseconds, you’ll probably catch on.

Thekorn kernel atop this turd sundae was the ending - with the entirefucking Resistance reduced to maybe a dozen or so personnel - andnone of the command staff, save Leia - on board the MillenniumFalcon, which is only a light freighter, capacity-wise. The “outerrim allies” never show, so this is the entirety of the Resistanceforces. They have no combat fleet, no combat personnel, nobases, no resources, no guns, no ammo, no snub fighters, nothing buta single light freighter and their own limp dicks.

Butthe end of the movie shows them flying around handing out secretResistance rings to force-sensitive kids, as if cereal-box decoderrings are enough to overthrow a vast evil galactic empire. Your AR-15can’t stop a government with tanks and fighter planes, but RianJohnson expects us to believe that the ability to levitate rocks andplace intergalactic Skype calls without paying ComStar can overthrowSpace Nazis.

RianJohnson couldn’t write his way out of a Naruto fan forum.

THIS MOVIE IS AMORALLY REPREHENSIBLE SHITPILE THAT NORMALIZES LIES ABOUT ABUSIVEBEHAVIOR BY MALES TOWARDS FEMALES IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

That’sright. I said it.

Thismovie is actively harmful and insulting to women and girls.

Theblatant misandry is bad enough, but the messages it teaches girls areeven worse, the chief one being the normalization of Kylo Ren,the mass-murderer and fratricide “bad boy,” as someone who’s“good, deep down,” If Only The Right Woman Could Cure Him. Thisis a misguided fantasy that dates back to Wuthering Heights, and wasrecently resurrected by Twilight, the fantasy of “saving” a manwho’s violent, misogynistic and cruel. Fantasies aren’t realistic bydefinition, and they all feature in fiction because they’ve an appealto a certain audience - what makes them good or bad is the damagethey do to readers in real life who don’t discern the differencebetween fiction and reality until their misunderstanding leads theminto serious harm. The classic “beauty and the beast” theme of“taming” a “bad boy” stands chief among the offenders inthis category - but don’t ask me, just sample what countless others have written on the topic. Rey going from angry, grief-stricken accusations ofKylo the Fratricide to longing for his lightsaber after three briefskype calls, a look at his Rock Hard Abs and touching his hand once?It’s textbook Beauty And The Beast bullshit, and apoorly-written example, at that.

Thisis in addition to Rian’s explicit view that - as elucidated byHoldo’s own actress - a venomous, sneering bully is what aStrong Female Leader looks like; reinforcedby how the plot bends over backwards to portray Holdo as a hero. Inretrospect, the liberties taken to put Leia into a coma for most ofthe movie was probably done because Carrie Fisher just couldn’t actthe role of a bullying bitch, and that’s the character Rian Johnsonwanted to showcase as a feminist icon. Again, quoting Holdo’sactress, “[Rian is] saying something that’s been atrue challenge in feminism. Are we going to lead and be who we are aswomen in our femininity? Or are we going to dress up in a boy’sclothes to do the boy’s job?” The message here isn’t that girlscan be hot-shot fighter pilots or gunslinging heroes too - it’s thatmales are toxic, testosterone-driven fools and Real Women are “womenin their femininity.” Not “youcan be anything you want to be” but “feminimity is good andmasculinity is smelly dumb mansplaining scum.” Thisis fucked in the head, andI challenge anyone- especiallythose who recommended I watch this movie - to deny the charge Ijust leveled.

Andfinally, there’s the actions of Rian Johnson himself, the misandristfuckhead who wrote this pile of shit. He was building off the workand script of JJ Abrams, including all the character development that went into it - and now we can see what he decided to do with it.Rian didn’t just fail to make a movie - he actively threw away anopportunity to write a script with realprogressivesensibilities, substituted cheap “subversions” instead, and thenjerked off on Twitter about how fucking woke and progressive he is toget all the fawning accolades anyways.

RIAN JOHNSONPISSED AWAY THE MUCH BETTER STORY SET UP BY JJ ABRAMS IN THE FORCEAWAKENS, AND STILL HAS THE FUCKING GALL TO ACT LIKE HE DIDN’T

I’vebeen told - in various articles and in person - that TLJ achievesbrilliant subversion of expectations and fights against tired oldtropes that reinforce social status norms by bucking the Chosen Onewith Significant Bloodlines thing, most notably with Rey’s parentagerevealed to be of no consequence and Kylo’s focus on “killing thepast” and rejecting moral binaries to forge his own path.

So,on that note, let’s talk about Finn.

Finnwas a brilliant character in concept, the kind I often try to write -a common man, a faceless member of the rank-and-file who finds thecourage to step out of line, think for himself, and eventuallybecomes a hero in his own right. The opening of TFA, with the bloodyhandprint on Finn’s helmet serving to identify him and give a “faceto the faceless,” was a brilliant bit of visual storytelling, andFinn himself has a difficult and dangerous journey as a character.He’s limited in his abilities - he can’t pilot a ship, for instance -and for the longest time his only desire is to run as far away fromthe First Order as he possibly can, to live his own life in peace. Bythe end of TFA, he’s grievously wounded fighting an opponent he knowsdamn well outmatches him, all to defend the life of his new - andonly - friend, Rey. Goinginto TLJ, Finn is poised both as Rey’s most probable love interestand as a walkingrefutation of the Chosen Heroes trope; having gone from randomfaceless goon to the man who was responsible for destroying the DeathST- I mean Starkiller Base. Heknew the way into and out ofsaid base because he used to be on the sanitation detail, aquirk that makes perfect sense andemphasizes how the “little people” in inglamorousjobs often know cruciallittle details like that (like the back door the smokers use.)

Andwhat did Rian Johnson do with this setup?

Finnwakes up and is immediately used for comic relief, smacking his headon the medical scanner, then staggering around in a bacta suitleaking fluid everywhere. Thenhe tries to hare off after Rey, only to get tazed for trying to steala vehicle. Then he’squickly shuffled off to the side with Rose while Rey is suddenly, andwith very poor setup and justification, set up with Kylo and hisneon-white abs as her love interest.

Is now a goodtime to remind you that Finn is black? Yes,the black man gets 1. played for comic relief, 2. don’t tazeme bro, 3. shuffled offscreen while Rey is set up with a white boy toavoid any possibility of an interracial romance. Andall that’s in additiontoFinn’s noble sacrifice being portrayed as bad and wrong, while MightyWhitey Kami-Kaze Holdo is made out as a huge hero for the exactsame act.

Comparewhat Rian Johnson did with what he couldhave done, and thentry to tell me thismovie had any redeemingthemes, arcs, or execution. I fucking dareyou.

AVALON HAS FUCKINGFALLEN

TheLast Jedi is a towering monument to the rot at the heart of ourartistic society. The Force Awakens was a shameless regurgitationdesigned by a soulless corporation to bilk our nostalgic childhoodmemories for every penny we were worth, but at least it had acompetent writer/director at the helm that had some pride in hiswork. By contrast, The Last Jedi had that same greedy, scum-suckingcorporate machine at the helm and a writer-director thatepitomizes the creature that now infests Hollywood: an arrogant, self-congratulatory prick concerned onlywith vigorously stroking off his fellow wealthy cultural elites, sothey may take smug satisfaction in their moral superiority over theproles. Therecent spate ofself-described “male feminists” who’vebeen revealed to use their professed politics as cover to prey onwomen illustrate the forces at work here - if one utters theApproved Doctrine, everything else can be overlooked and forgiven.Portray Women as Good, Men as Bad and with a few cheap shots atCapitalism in the middle, and you can get away with not writing aplot at all, lazy and poorly-storyboarded CGI scenes that pushmerchandise, and even reducing a black man to comedic relief. This iswhat our corporate-run entertainment industry now rewards - to thetune of tens of millions of dollars - and what countlessleft-wing culture-war publications vigorously and viciously defendwith endless column inches of simpering praise and even asinineconspiracy theories about the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy “gaming”Rotten Tomatoes user review scores to cover up how much audienceshated this fucking trash.

Asa writer, I happen to believe that Art means something. It matters.It nourishes the soul and teaches us lessons about why to liveour lives, not just how. Mankind has been telling stories forthousands of years before anyone figured out how to write them down,much less make a profit off them. As a species we are wired to thinknarratively, which is why stories have power - never a righteouskingdom nor a vile dictatorship has existed that didn’t invest greateffort in fashioning myths and legends to justify and strengthen itslegitimacy with the people. Stories can help, and they can even harm.

Storiesare serious fucking business. And Rian Johnson’s betrayal anddesecration of his art and craft is emblematic of what the very, verybig, wealthy and powerful entertainment business thinks isacceptable. The business of multimillionare serial rapists that arealso major political donors, the business of complicit yes-men actorsthat routinely use their fame, wealth, and cultural influence to tipthe scales of our national political debate - that business.

Ifyou’re like me; if you dream of telling stories that matter,stories that change peoples lives and give them hope as other’sstories have done for you - prepare for dark times ahead. It’s clearnow that Avalon has fallen; that the existing establishment is toothoroughly corrupted to serve society any useful purpose. We’ll haveto use the internet, vanity presses and small websites - as long asAmazon, Google, and the other West-coast headquartered monopoliesallow us them, that is - and do the best we can. Whatever Hollywoodin particular and the entertainment industry in general is puttingout anymore, it sure as hell isn’t art, in any sense ofthe word you might imagine. The real artists will have to starve,scrape, beg, and struggle - but what they make will be worthwatching, instead of an affront to common sense and common decency.Call them Rebels, or perhaps the Resistance - just don’t callthem surprising, because I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.

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breeeliss · 7 years

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I love klance too but I feel like the pairing really killed Lance's character in fandom. It's like he exists outside of his relationships with people and he's allowed to talk about girls on camera but I feel like people only care about him when he's standing next to Keith :(

no, you’re absolutely right, and this is the negative side of shipping in a fandom where romance and relationships are not the main thrust of the show: characters are only appreciated within the context of a certain relationship and fail to be considered individually or in relation to other characters outside of that favorite ship.

because of the popularity of klance, keith’s and lance’s characters have essentially been butchered and watered down into what they are now in fandom. and it’s gotten so bad that whenever lance or keith develop or act outside of each other, it’s perceived to be bad writing, out of character, or “doing the characters dirty,” when in reality it’s just keith and lance acting as the writers intended them to act.

(this got fucking long wow, i’m putting it under a cut)

lance’s fandom qualities seem to be: he’s bisexual, he’s angsting harder than anyone on the team, his homesickness and his insecurity comprise his entire character, he’s a bitch to keith because he’s secretly in love with him, keith is the reason he discovers he’s bisexual, keith is his first experience with a boy, and lance becomes completely uninterested in women upon entering a relationship with keith

and keith’s fandom qualities seem to be: he’s gay, he’s socially inept, he is incapable of showing positive emotions, he doesn’t laugh or tell jokes, he’s pining after lance, he needs lance to teach him how to love, function, and show emotions, he seems to not interact with shiro much because he has lance, and his family life/past was so horrible that lance is the only one who can help him heal from it.

needless to say, these are all fandom fabrications and next to none of this is accurate. but these characterizations fit with this troublesome idea of romance that fandom constantly perpetuate: when you’re in a relationship, your whole character is inextricable from your partner – you need your partner to save you from yourself, complete yourself, and be your everything. anyone who’s been in more than one healthy relationships knows that that’s bullshit, but fandom doesn’t realize that. because keith can’t be a leader, can’t express his emotions, can’t get over his past without lance’s help, despite the fact that he’s canonically a very independent character and relies most heavily on shiro than anyone else. and lance’s insecurities (which, in canon, are private and never get in the way of him playing his part as a paladin of voltron) leave him unable to function in fandom and it isn’t until he has keith’s support that he can go on.

lance and keith have been watered down to these weak, weepy, pining characters who need a partner in order for them to develop. at the same time, their relationships with other characters are completely downplayed because they’re “threats.” that’s why lance can spend an entire vlog gushing over allura, but people think they’re “friends/siblings.” it’s why keith and shiro’s deep relationship and meaningful past is reduced to this snarky, aloof sibling relationship that’s focused on shiro hooking keith up with lance. how lance grows in relation to allura and how keith grows in relation to shiro is downplayed and ignored. when you ignore these parts of their character, you begin to see canon behavior as being uncharacteristic.

if you paid attention to how lance’s character changed in relation to allura, you’d see that his vlog is perfectly in character and shows a crush having turned into a deep love and admiration for his teammate. but if you decided to ignore that and think that lance’s bisexuality is only valid if he’s attracted to men, you’d perceive that as out of character and stereotypical. if you paid attention to how keith’s character changes in relation to shiro, you’d see that him choosing to confide in shiro about his thoughts and concerns is perfectly in character and denotes a deep relationship that goes past friendship. but if you decided to ignore that and think that keith is gay and shiro is his brother, you’d think the writers were tossing klance aside by not having keith go to lance instead.

it also isn’t a coincidence that any pairings where lance or keith are paired with women (i.e. allurance and kallura), people make this strange conclusion that they’re cliche and boring. that allurance is a classic “persistent boy eventually gets the reluctant girl” and that kallura is “angsting prince gets the charming princess.” it’s this subtle way of undermining straight relationships while ignoring the fact that klance is a classic “rivals to lovers” dynamic that is no more cliche than anything they accuse allurance and kallura of being. if you cared enough to explore lance and keith’s characters in depth, you’d also understand that allurance and kallura are not simply these stereotypes and that they look a lot different when canon conceptions of these characters are considered and not the faulty, fandom ones people are so set on clinging too.

literally every single corner of fandom where lance and keith exist are seeped in these weird and frankly worrying characterizations of keith and lance, and that all goes back to klance and how violently people rally around it. klance is the common denominator in all of this. although, considering the fact that m/m relationships where both men have a perceived rivalry are so often fetishized by women in fandom, this is hardly surprising at all.

now are klance shippers gonna own up to that and realize it? honestly? probably not.

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld #lance mcclain #keith kogane #Anonymous #ask

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thestuckylibrary-bigbang · 7 years

Photo

Part One

This post contains alternate universe sbb2017 works of all sorts of genres. This post contains the following, take a look at what participants have been working hard on since June!

A/B/O

Band/Musician AU

Based on other media AU

Canon Divergence (sorted from were they diverge from canon)

Pre TFA

TFA

TWS

College/University AU and also HIgh School AU

Fairy Tale/Mythology

Also check out Canon ‘Verse | AU Part Two | AU Part Three | Masterpost

A/B/O

The Alpha’s Ball by Samwise_baggins & Steve-Bucky-Stucky

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-con

Word Count: 44, 706

Relationships: Steve Rogers/James ‘Bucky’ Barnes, Thomas ‘TJ’ Hammond/Johnny Storm, Sam Wilson/ Riley, Nick Fury/ Phil Coulson

Tags: Omega Verse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Reference Child Abuse, m-preg, Mating Cycle/ In-Heat, Violent Sex, Graphic Sex

Summary: The annual Alpha’s Ball, where people go to find a mate, is being hosted by Tony Stark at his mansion in New York. It is a masquerade ball, and the Avengers are among the guests. But even when searching for love, things don’t always go as planned for the Avengers. For Steve, it means a chance to forget his one time love, killed during the war. For Bucky, it means a night out, trying to pick up the pieces after having fled his former lover. What it means for the pair of them is a revelation of secrets and twisted plots - - and a chance at a possible new beginning … together.

Artist: Samwise_baggins

Steve

Bucky

Band/Musician AU

I’m With The Band? by @mystrana (Ao3)

Three beautiful pieces of art by: @artgroves (Ao3) (rating: G)

“Oh Shucks Steve”

“Pre-caffeine Bucky”

“Rock Star Bucky”

(rating: NC-17)

words: 23.9k

Relationships: Steve/Bucky

Tags: College AU, Band AU, Fluff, Wee bit of angst, explicit content, no archive warnings apply

Steve Rogers is getting by just fine spending every Friday night by himself, thank you very much, until his classmate Peggy invites him to come see her favorite local band. One look at the lead singer Bucky, and it’s lust at first sight. The next thing he knows, Steve is outside making out with the guy of his dreams, but it’s never that simple - Bucky’s bandmate Natasha finds them outside and all but drags Bucky back inside by his ear.

Steve’s not sure where to go from here, but he’s pretty sure, somehow or another, he’s gonna have to see Bucky again.

PEOPLE LIVE HERE BY @TOLKHIEN (AO3)

BANNER, POSTER, AND ARTWORK BY @STARMAKI (AO3)

Rating: Mature Word Count: 46,112 Relationship: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes, Background Clint Barton/Natasha Romanoff Characters: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, Maria Hill, Sam Wilson, Peggy Carter, Alexander Pierce Warnings: Alcohol Use, Drug Use, Drug Overdose, Suicidal Thoughts. Tags: Modern AU, No Superpowers, Punk AU, Band AU, Veteran Bucky, Musician Bucky, Pre-Serum Steve, Artist Steve, Tattoos and Piercings, PTSD, Drug Addiction, Temporary Breakup, Happy Ending, Based on a Real Band, Rise Against Summary MAY YOU BE IN HEAVEN BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU’RE DEAD. MAY THESE WINDS BE ALWAYS AT YOUR BACK. ‘CAUSE WHEN WE’RE ALL JUST GHOSTS, AND THE MADNESS OVERTAKES US, WE WILL LOOK AT THE ASHES AND SAY, “PEOPLE LIVED HERE.”

When Steve meets the singer of Crimson Riot, on whom he may or may not be harbouring a years long crush, and gets offered a job, Steve thinks it’s a dream come true. Getting paid to go on tour with his favourite band and create art? It’ll just take some time to get used to the rockstar lifestyle.But as he gets to know James “Bucky” Barnes, and sees what’s underneath the drugs and the cocky attitude, he gives himself a new job: Help Bucky before it’s too late.

TUMBLR POST

Based on other media AU

Ain’t Misbehaving by Revenant-Scribe (Ao3) (Tumblr)

Header art and paper craft art by @milollita

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers (past)

Summary:

Steve Rogers is an excellent judge of character. No, really! But, as Peggy puts it: when it comes to love his head tends to override his heart. When his girlfriend leaves him for a model Steve wonders if he’ll ever find the right partner; maybe it’s time to stop looking.Naturally, this is when he (quite literally) runs into Jim Buchanan, a fashion exec who (also literally) makes Steve weak-in-the-knees. Sure, that might just be the concussion but they do seem to have some sort of chemistry. Jim’s sweet and funny, walks his neighbor’s rescue dog and can do over 300 chin-ups without pausing to catch his breath (Steve’s new apartment has a great view), so clearly there must be something horrible he’s trying to keep secret.(A Head Over Heels adaptation)

Read over at Ao3

As Soon As Possible by turn_turn_turn

Art by Jessie Lucid

Rating: M

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 30K

Relationships: Main course of Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes with a dash of Natasha Romanov/Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers/Brock Rumlow, and Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson on the side

Tags: When Harry Met Sally AU, Modern AU, No Powers AU, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, more like Begrudging Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers, seriously you guys please stop poking at each other and fall in Love already, Rom-heavy-on-the-Com Fun, please laugh at my jokes

Summary:

Can two idiots stop bickering long enough to confess their true feelings for one another? Steve and Bucky will attempt to answer this question in just twelve short years! A journey filled with road trips, arguments, other relationships, emotionally convoluted hookups, borderline-salacious and pastrami-sandwich-adjacent amateur theater, and heaps of completely unnecessary, totally mutual pining! An updated re-imagining of a romcom classic, starring Steve Rogers, a bird-boned, hopeless romantic with a stubborn streak, and Bucky Barnes, a laid-back Lothario (dubious on both counts) with a heart of gold and more bad Star Wars puns than Mark Hamill himself! Also features supporting roles by Natasha ‘We All Wish We Were That Cool’ Romanoff, Samuel ‘Has His Shit Together, Unlike All of You Dweebs’ Wilson, Clint 'Are You Going to Finish That Slice’ Barton, and many more! Now showing at an archive near you.

Header by the amazing Jessie Lucid @lucidnancyboy

Art by the amazing Jessie Lucid (on ao3)

Brooklyn Bound by multifandomfics

Rating: M

Words:55,485

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Tags: Minor/Childhood Death (Mentioned), Sweet Home Alabama AU, Multiship, non-graphic sexual situations, Cursing/Swearing

Summary: Steve Rogers is ready to embark on a new chapter in his life, his perfect boyfriend has just proposed and all is going well. The only problem, he’s still married to his childhood sweetheart. Steve needs to return home to Brooklyn and finalize his divorce before his fiancée finds out he was ever married. However things become more complicated as Steve arrives, it turns out that there is more to his ex than meets the eye, and old feelings resurface. Steve needs to choose, stay in Brooklyn with the man he once loved, or return to California and start his new life. Sweet Home Alabama AU.

Art by 10feetalice

Creatures of a Brief Season by @goddessvicky & @octobergryphon

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 56k

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Clint Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Sam Wilson/Wanda Maximoff, Darcy Lewis/Grant Ward, Jane Foster/Thor Odinson

Tags: public sex, outdoor sex, magic, anal sex, oral sex, fingering, rimming, blow jobs, UST, au covenant, different powers, au magic, bisexual steve, bisexual bucky, bottom steve, top steve, bottom bucky, top bucky, au modern with magic, college, friends to lovers, smut, we tried to make it fluff, all the swears, slow burn, Framily

Summary:

The Sons of Ipswich possess otherworldly powers, but they are not the only ones with this gift.

On the edge of his 21st birthday, Steve Rogers feels the Power growing within him. He’s hoping that with Bucky, Sam, and Clint, he’ll survive the transformation.

That’s not the only thing that’s changing. Bucky and Steve have always been best friends, but now, maybe, there’s something more?

Amazing Artwork by the phenomenally talented Alby

First I commit a Crime (Then You Get Blamed For It) by @tisfan

Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Characters: Loki (female), James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Thor, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, Lucky, Nick Fury Additional Tags: Sinbad AU, Low-tech/high-magic, Sea Monsters, Sirens, Pining Idiots, Idiots in Love, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Pirates, Oral Sex, Cheating, sort of, everyone is forgiven Summary:

When Loki is bored, suddenly, nothing is easy.

Framed for stealing the Reality Stone from his best friend (and former lover!) Steve, Bucky finds himself accused of the crime and sentenced to death. When the Council doesn’t believe that Bucky is innocent, Steve swears to be executed in Bucky’s place, giving him time to seek out Loki and recover the stone from Loki’s realm of Jotunheim

Accompanied by a ship full of stalwart adventurers, and Steve’s fiance, Tony Stark – who doesn’t trust Bucky as far as he can throw him! – the ship, Hydra, faces sirens, snowbirds, and living islands to make it to Loki’s realm, recover the stone and save Steve’s life. The biggest problem? Bucky can’t forget his old lover, but at the same time, finds himself falling in love with Steve’s boyfriend.

for the ashes of his fathers (and the kingdoms of his gods) - ‘Oblivion’ stucky AU by LadyNimrodel

Steve and Natasha are an effective team. They work for Shield’s Control Station, built after the planet was destroyed in the war with the Scavs. They are left on a broken and barren planet to keep the drones running that protect the hydra rigs, which collect precious water for what’s left of humanity, now living in a colony on one of Saturn’s moons.

What Steve knows is this: the Scav attacks are getting worse, even though they lost the war nearly fifty years ago. In two weeks he and Natasha are leaving to join the rest of humanity. And that neither of them want to leave earth.

What he doesn’t know is why the Scavs are attacking again, why everything Control tells them feels wrong, and why he keeps dreaming of a man with grey-blue eyes and a familiar smile and who Steve doesn’t remember.

-Or- The Oblivion AU that no one asked for.

Art by Emeraldwolf | Art by koreanrage

Give Me Fuel, Give Me Fire by 221BJen

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 41k

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: Fast & the Furious AU, Major Character Injury, Car Accidents, Car Sex, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mechanic Bucky Barnes, Undercover Steve Rogers, AU - No Powers

Summary: Brooklyn detective Steve Rogers finds his loyalty tested when he goes undercover to investigate a group at the center of a series of high speed heists. He doesn’t know what to make of James Barnes and his family of choice, but he wants to know more. Drag races, muscle cars and intense attraction leave Steve wondering if he’s in way too deep. Spoiler alert: Definitely.

Art by faceisamess (on AO3)

Home Is Where the Heart Is by @anice-1 (AO3)

with art by MrBarnesIfYaNasty beta-read by @curry-spice-and-everything-nice

Rating: T

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 22k

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter

Tags: Sweet Home Alabama AU, based on a movie, modern AU - no powers, referenced minor character death, referenced pet death, people get drunk, artist!Steve, background Clint/Natasha, brief mention of past Bruce/Natasha

Summary:

Steve Rogers has it all: He’s the hottest new artist in town, he’s dating the most eligible bachelorette of New York City, and he just got the proposal of his dreams. The problem? Steve already has a husband, and travelling home to finally divorce Bucky Barnes proves to be far more of a trip down memory lane than Steve expected.

How to Fix a Broken Heart by RockSaltAndRoll

Rating: General Audiences

Words:

Archive Warnings:

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on Grey's Anatomy, medical AU, Major Illness, Blood, Surgery, Fluff and Angst, heart failure, Doctor/Patient Romance, Doctor!Bucky, Patient!Steve, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Happy Ending

Summary

Stucky Big Bang 2017 Submission:Falling in love with a patient was top of the list of things Bucky Barnes would never do...until he met Steve Rogers - a good guy with a broken heart that can't be fixed. After Steve's transplant surgery falls through and his bad heart weakens, Bucky and his team try their hardest to keep him alive until they can find a donor. Over bedside picnics and games of scrabble, Bucky fights against time to save the man he's in love with before Steve loses his battle.

Identity Is Your Most Valuable Possession by assemblingbrokenmemories

Rating: M

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 72.5 k

Relationships: Steve/Bucky

Tags: Alternate Universe- The Incredibles, Modern with Powers AU, Fake Marriage, Family Fic, Amputee!Bucky, Cryokinetic!Bucky, Canon Typical Violence, Minor Character Death Mention, Alternating POV

Summary: Steve and Bucky meet as opposite sides of a battle when the brainwashed Winter Soldier was sent to kill Captain America and ended up captured and a friend instead. This battle and its resulting damage are the nail in the coffin for enhanced individuals, and the government rolls out the Enhanced Relocation Act which rehouses superheroes into civilian life. Seven years later, the glory of the “super hero days” are over and the ERA sees Steve and Bucky masquerading as a married couple with three adopted children- Pietro, Wanda, and Peter. As they struggle to adjust to their as regular citizens, a unique and potentially dangerous offer puts their family in danger. WIll they come together? Or will this see the end of their charade? - The Incredibles AU people (sort of) asked for!

Art by debwalsh (tumblr)

Art by debwalsh (ao3)

Indiana Barnes and the Curse of the Tesseract by follow_the_sun

Art by sulasaferoom

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warnings: Creator chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 56,576

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Action/Adventure, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Inspired by Indiana Jones, Inspired by The Rocketeer, Marvel Norse Lore, sbb2017, Stucky Big Bang 2017, Canon Disabled Character, Brief torture scene, The Real Treasure Was the Priceless Historical Sites We Blew Up Along The Way

Summary: It’s 1943, and art history professor Steve Rogers has been hired to help wealthy industrialist Tony Stark find his father, who went missing while searching for the fabled Tesseract. It sounds like an easy job until Steve finds out that his old flame, Bucky Barnes, is also part of the expedition.

Our Core is Madness by Terrenis | Art by noncorporealform

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Words: 61380

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson/DarcyLewis, Mentions of Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli, Thor/Jane Foster, Sif/Maria Hill/Sharon Carter

Tags: AU - Modern Setting; AU - Year 2000; Serial Killers; Mental Issues; Movie Science; Post-Serum Steve; Bucky has Issues and a metal arm; Howards A+++parenting; Dissociative identity disorder, more on Ao3

Summary: When Crossbones, New York’s and New Jersey’s newest Serial Killer, collapses, when finally captured, it’s up to SHIELD Agent Steve Rogers to find a way to locate the killer’s newest victim, before it’s too late.

Enter one James “Bucky” Barnes - a psychologist and engineer, who uses an experimental device to engulf into his patients’ minds. In a race against time, Steve and his partner Natasha turn to him for help and Bucky agrees, while secretly fighting against his growing attraction for the nice blond federal agent. The only question is: Is it safe to enter a mad man’s subconscious or will it end badly for them both?

Or a The Cell! AU that no one asked for. But I wrote it anyway.

Steal The Rhythm Out From My Heart by Nori [ AO3 | Tumblr ]

Rating: Mature Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Words: 32K Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes Tags: Alternate Universe - Destiny (video game), Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Angst, Humor, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Minor Character Death

Summary: Humanity’s dwindling numbers hang by a thread and the last of the Traveler’s strange, powerful Light grows dimmer by the day. With their fearsome, unknown enemy closing in, it falls on the Guardians to defend the last of Earth’s people. Steve, only recently reborn and still learning the limits of his inhuman abilities, is thrown headfirst into an unceasing battle for life itself. Falling in love with a mysterious, reticent Hunter isn’t really part of the plan, but Steve’s always been flexible. Now if he could just convince the object of his affections to admit he’s in love, too, these long days of war might even be worth the trouble.

“You’re a madman,” Bucky informs him fondly. Steve steps forward, using both hands to grab the edges of Bucky’s hood and pulling until the material lies neat and even.

“Probably,” he agrees amiably, and hops backwards off the cliff.

Art by Emeraldwolf | Art by koreanrage

Stevie by malone78.tumblr.com

Word count: 35k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Additional Tags: Stony - Freeform, Depression, blink and you miss it mention of Buckynat, Recovery, Deception, Age Difference, Suicide Attempt, Arranged Marriage Summary:

Steve is the son of a live-in-nurse who returns home from two years in Paris a stunning young man, and immediately catches the attention of Tony, the playboy son of his mother’s rich employers. Tony woos and wins Steve, who has always been in love with him. However, their romance is threatened by Tony’s serious older brother, Bucky, who runs the family business and is relying on Tony to marry an heiress in order for a crucial merger to take place. Steve is initially elated because he has been in love with Tony since he can remember. What seems like a dream come true for Steve ends up taking a strange turn when Bucky starts spending time with Stevie. In a world of money and high society, who can Stevie trust with his heart?

Art by milkberi.tumblr.com to follow

Storm Chasers by raisedinthunder

Rating: T

Archive Warnings: None

Words: 29k

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Twister AU, storm chaser au, estranged husbands, rekindled romance

Summary: When the worst series of storms on record are predicted to hit Oklahoma, Bucky Barnes drags his entire department out into the field to chase them down. When they’re joined by his estranged husband, Steve and his new fiancé it’s not just their new tornado warning system that’s put to the test. Risking their lives Bucky and Steve go up against mother nature together once more.

Art by drjezdzany

The Holtzmann-Rogers Plan of Action by krycekasks

Unrated

Archive Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Relationships: James Bucky Barnes / Steve Rogers, Erin Gilbert / Jillian Holtzmann

Tags: Holtzbert - Shrinkyclinks - Great British Bake Off - Ghostbusting AU, misunderstandings, Rogers and Holtz are scamps!, evil twins, Fluff, dream/flashback with gun violence and killing, description of an asthma attack / difficulty breathing, description of a cut / bleeding, allusion to disturbing human experimentation, but mostly: Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor

Summary: Why have one five foot one-ish obstinate blond with no sense of self-preservation issues and a propensity for getting into trouble when you can have two for twice the price? Only by working together do they stand a chance of getting their best friends to fall in love with them. Throw in experimental robotic arms, ghost hunting and internationally renowned televised baking competition and a cunning plan, what could possibly go wrong?

(aka the one where Steve is an art professor in love with his best friend, the former Special Forces sniper Bucky Barnes, who lost and arm in combat and tests experimental prostheses for Jillian Holtzmann, who is in love with her best friend Erin Gilbert, paranormal expert and Steve’s colleague. While Erin and Bucky vie for Star Baker in the Great British Bake Off, Holtzmann and Rogers devise a plan to win their hearts.)

Adorable, amazing and delicious art (I’m so lucky, it’s ridiculous) by Frau Argh - thank you for taking a chance with this story, your enthusiasm (and love for Aliens) has made it all worthwhile

Where No One Goes by made_of_sunshine

Rated: PG/Teen

Character tags:James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter, Helen Cho, Wanda Maximoff, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Nick Fury Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Fantasy, Non-consensual daemon touching, loosely based on httyd, pre-serum Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Amnesia, Loss of Identity, Dragons Summary:

Three years ago, Steve Rogers woke up on the shores of Skjoldr, barely breathing, his daemon at his side. He remembered nothing of his previous life. Featuring: A war in which he is not the hero, a dragon who may not be what it seems and two boys who are more than they realize.

Art by @cloudwolfbane

Art by @inkforwordsart

Canon Divergence (sorted from were they diverge from canon)

Pre TFA

Gweilo Gongfu by P.R. Zed

Rating: E

Warnings: No archive warnings apply

Words: 34K

Relationships: Steve Rogers/James “Bucky” Barnes

Tags: Alternate Universe, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Chinese American Bucky Barnes, 1930s, Period-Typical Racism, Martial Arts

Summary:

“I can look after myself.” Steve bristled. “And how about you? You go around taking on three fighters from the Hip Sing Tong on a regular basis?”

“Sure,” the guy said, and then he gave Steve a big grin. “I don’t like bullies either.”

“Jeez, we’re two of a kind, ain’t we?” Steve laughed and stuck out his hand. “Steve Rogers.”

The guy took his hand in a firm grip.

“Bucky Dyun.”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, unless you want to call me Pok Chi like my ma does.”

“Bucky it is.”

Steve Rogers doesn’t know much about Chinese culture when he makes a wrong turn in Chinatown. But a chance meeting gives him not only a new friend, but an entry into a whole new world. The more he learns from Bucky, the closer they get, until Bucky is so much more than a friend. But when a Chinese gang goes after Bucky and his family, Steve knows he needs to stand up and make sure the man he loves doesn’t lose everything.

Art by potofsoup (link to come)

Art by cassandrasfisher (link to come)

Red Strings and Violent Things by urbanconstellations tumblr

Rating: T

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings apply

Words: 27k

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: Post- Winter Soldier, PTSD, Allusions to sexual situations and Violence, Cursing

Summary: There is an old Chinese myth about a red string of Fate, that is intertwined around two souls by the gods. The cord may stretch, or tangle, but never break. Two boys fall in love in Brooklyn, slowly and full of promise. As they fall, their string unwinds to catch them. Seventy five years later, that string finds its way back home. After the Winter Soldier pulls Steve Rogers out of the Potomac, he isn’t quite sure where to begin putting the pieces back together. Steve Rogers is spending his time pulling on threads, while trying to follow his own. Their strings will pull them through memories and doubt, until they wind up on a pier, wound together again.

Seventy five years in fits and starts.

Art by @sorrowingsoldier

Art by @starmaki

TFA

A Retelling by AftertheFall (you_took_everything)

Rating: E

Words: 20k

Archive Warnings: Rape/Noncon

Tags: TFA, Howling Commandos, Peggy Carter, Pre-Seruem Steve, Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Religious Themes

Summary:

Bucky stood in a line with a bunch of other men at parade rest. All the men were probably as scared as Bucky, and, like Bucky, none of them willing to show it.

His papers had come in the mail. It wasn't like he hadn't been expecting them. His father had looked grim. His mother had not been able to stop crying. She had always been religious, but she started attending mass two times a day and three times on Sundays. She tried to make Bucky come too, but he didn’t really see much point to it. He’d never been very religious.

Colder Weather by FireflysLove

Rating: Mature

Words: 20k

Archive Warnings: Major Character Death

Tags: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, ghost au, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-War, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Period-Typical Homophobia

Summary

In another life, Bucky died in Azzano and Steve never became Captain America. Bucky's come back to haunt Steve. In another time two boys fall in love and learn how to live.

A Ghost AU written in two parts.

Demobilization by 743ish

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 41k

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: Post-war, No Powers, Steve Rogers/OFC, 1940s Bucky Barnes, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, Mutual Pining, Jealousy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homecoming, Emotional Sex

Summary: When the Statue of Liberty slides into view, the whole ship roars. It’s deafening. Bucky throws his fist in the air and yells along with everyone else. His heart is in his throat. The Statue of goddamn Liberty. Bucky wants to climb up her robe and kiss her sour green face.

The cheers rise up again as they go by her, and then die back down; most of the guys are just happy to sit and smile and watch the city float lazily into focus. They know they’ve got days more of barracks and bunks and cheap train seats before they’ll get to see their families in Pittsburgh, or Columbus, or Chicago. But Bucky’s home, he can see Brooklyn, and he laughs and shades his eyes from the sun and feels crazy with happiness, and this has to be the slowest fucking boat in the world, but at least he has a good view while he dies of impatience.

In 1945, Bucky comes home from the war.

Art by Sallysparrow017 tumblr || ao3

Beta by Dreadnought

Folie a Deux

Author: Cloud_Wolfbane

Artists: Xemsonx and Mithborien

Rated: E

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Gaslighting, Manipulation, and Amputation

Summary: When Bucky falls off the train in the Alps, Steve follows, and Russia gains two of the greatest assassins that ever lived.

Art Links:

Xemsonx’s awesome trailer can be seen here.

Mithborien’s amazing gifs can be seen here. Mithborien also did the lovely header and the time stamps seen throughout the story.

maybe tomorrow (i’ll find my way home) by obsessivereader

Rating: E

Words count: 26,361

Relationships: Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes

Tags: shrinkyclinks, reincarnated Steve, Post-CATWS, AU - Canon divergent, alternating POV, mild gore (treating injuries), suicide ideation, past rape-noncon (brief mention), implied/referenced torture (brief mention)

Summary: A man exits the building. Approximately 5’6”, thin, tired-looking. A suitable target. He needs someone he can overpower quickly and quietly. He’s injured from the fight on the helicarriers, and weak from hunger, and blood-loss.

A streetlight illuminates the target’s face as he passes under it. That one brief glimpse of a narrow face and glowing blond hair sets his heart rate climbing. Something presses at the edges of his mind, like the wingbeats of night moths against a pane of glass. He ignores it, like he ignores the phantom voice that comes when he’s too long out of cryo. He walks towards the target, knife in hand.

What if… What if Captain America died on the Valkyrie. What if he was reborn. What if the Winter Soldier met him after the fall of the helicarriers.

Art by @this-simple-mind

Check out my other art for maybe tomorrow here

Now I Can Only Dream (Of Being All You Need) by IndigoNight tumblr

Rating: M

Archive Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, rape/non-con

Words: ~35k

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/The Winter Soldier

Tags: multiple personalities, hurt/comfort, implied/referenced torture, panic attacks, dissociation, scars, non-consensual body modification, implied/referenced rape/non-con, non-consensual magic, not AoU compliant, not CA:CW compliant

Summary: The Winter Soldier exists for one reason: Protect Bucky Barnes. It is an ongoing mission, one that does not change when their HYDRA handlers are exchanged for the Avengers. Except the Winter Soldier has no defenses against magic, no contingencies planned for when Bucky is ripped out from his protective cocoon and exposed to the world in a body of his own. It’s a mission adjustment that neither of them were prepared for. At least now they have back up, if they’re willing to accept it.

Beautiful art by arania

@araniaart

Protector by @capgal with artwork by glide-thru

Rating: Gen Archive Warnings: No warnings apply Word Count: 30k Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes Additonal Tags: Magical!Shield AU, Canon Compliant Summary: In which Steve finds Bucky, loses Bucky, finds Bucky, and loses Bucky again, and picks up and drops the shield a few times along the way.Or: the one where everything is the same, except the shield is a magical alien artifact like Mjolnir.

Winter Gorgon by @quarra

Rating:E

Words:74k

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Canon Divergent, Gorgon!BUcky, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Torture, Captain America Steve Rogers, Light Dom/Sub, Switching, Internalized Homophobia, Angst

For as long as Steve could remember, all he ever wanted to do was what was right. So when he hears about his father’s old regiment being held as POW’s by the Nazis, he’s determined to put what Doctor Erskine gave him to good use and goes AWOL to rescue them.

But the 107th isn’t all he finds there. Deep in the labs is a very unusual prisoner; one with snakes in his hair and a mask nailed to his face. Despite the man’s monstrous visage, Steve can’t in good conscience leave him to the enemy. That one act of mercy will change his life, the course of the war, and even the future of the world.

Art by @lenadraws

To Split the Night by AftertheFall with art by @ivedoneit100times that can be seen here

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

Words: 20,043

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Period-Typical Homophobia, Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Peggy Carter is a badass as per usual, regligious themes, suicide ideation, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Drugs

Summary: “It seems we all need something to kill for to seek & claim to treasure till it screams in elemental dark to argue with the Gods over–” - yusef komunyakaa

You Would Be In Clover by @chibisquirt

Rating: E (Explicit)

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Words: 126k

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson

Tags: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Gay Bucky Barnes, Female Steve Rogers, Marriage of Convenience, Religion, Miscarriage, Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, Howard Stark/Steve Rogers (minor ship), Bucky Barnes/Others (offscreen)

Summary:

Sarah “Gwen” Rogers was nineteen when she married Bucky Barnes, and she knew at the time just how stupid it was: it wasn’t exactly a brilliant move to marry a man who could never love her, even—or especially—when she knew that she was in love with him.

Neither of them could have predicted the war that came, and if they had, then they sure as hell couldn’t have predicted what would happen when Gwen volunteered for Project: Rebirth.

Art by @esaael and by @mamadonovan

TWS

A Song for Eurydice by Optimustaud @optimustaud

Rating: M

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 19999

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: cursing, torture, medical experimentation, suicidal ideation, mental illness, body horror, cannon divergence, motown and soul

Summary: Ten years after the events of The Winter Soldier Steve tracks Bucky to an abandoned Hydra base in Siberia.

Read the fic on AO3

Art by @riakomai / @artbyria

“Episode Two: We Hate Cats!” by @lucidnancyboy and @drjezdzany .

a direct sequel to “Episode One: Red Vines”.

Art posts on tumblr: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4+5

playlist here

Rating: M

Warnings: Mentions of past Torture, Depression, PTSD, Angst, Past Dubious Consent, Suicidal Ideation, Drinking, Explicit Language

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov (mentioned), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark (mentioned), hinted at past Steve/Bucky/Peggy

Characters: James “Bucky” Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov, Sam Wilson, FRIDAY

Word Count: 88k

Summary: Simply put, Bucky was different now. It had taken a heaping dose of pain for Steve to get that fact through his thick skull, but they were finally on the same page…sort of. Unfortunately, ‘sort of’ wasn’t making things easier. Like an idiot, Steve had expected instantaneous rainbows and sunshine to bathe them in happiness, but all he saw was a giant wall of stubborn and bacon flying at his head.

Bucky and Clint covering their mouths so Steve couldn’t hear them whispering? It hurt. Bucky and Tony laughing at unfunny jokes about torture? It hurt. Bucky and Nat exchanging secret spy glances? It hurt like hell. But Sam declaring himself ‘Team Bucky’? That downright sucked. Once, Bucky had given those pieces of himself to Steve…and only Steve. That was the problem: Steve wasn’t the boy Bucky fell in love with, he wasn’t Captain America, and he wasn’t even doing a good job at being Steve Rogers. Their foundation lost, the question had become, ‘Now what?’

They sucked at it, but they were trying. The fighting, laughing, panicking, hugging, sarcasm, make-up sex, and yes, flying bacon proved that. Not so simply put: Relationships are never a straight line; especially when you both get frozen and end up in the wrong century.

Read on AO3.

Find lucidnancyboy / Jessie Lucid Art on tumblr, AO3 and Instagram.

Find drjezdzany / Lorien on tumblr, AO3 and redbubble.

I Was Me by stuckyisawayoflife

Rating: M

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 20k +

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Old People Love Bucky Barnes, Depression, Anxiety

Summary:

It went like this.

James Buchanan Barnes aka Bucky aka the Winter Solider knocked on Steven Grant Rogers aka Steve aka Captain America’s door at precisely 5:47 am on Tuesday morning. And Steve who, despite all his training, was known to catch a case of “overtrusting idiot” every now and again, shuffled sleepily to the door and swung it open, yawning out a “can I help you?” without even fully opening his eyes.

He blinked when he noticed Bucky standing there, long hair hanging limply under a hat pulled down low, metal hand hidden surreptitiously in his left pocket, giving him a shy sort of smile. Steve had to grip the doorframe to keep from falling to his knees.

Bucky, who was much more composed, simply said, “Hey, Steve.”

Art & Header by ee-void

The Waves Above Us by Suchthingbutnever

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Words: 50k

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

Tags: Antifascist Steve, Communist Bucky, Anal Sex, Mental Instability, Racism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Suicide, Drug Use, Depression, Socialist Steve ftw!

Summary:

Steve Rogers looks for death, that elusive fucker dodging him left and right. He stares at walls, talks to ghosts and smokes a boatload of weed. He has a homeless friend who sells stuff on the sidewalk. He eats greasy burgers and barbecue chips. He works for S.H.I.E.L.D., because why the hell not? Yet, unwittingly, there are several things he rediscovers: communism, sex, and then, unbowed, unbroken and very much unhinged, the only equal to his insanity: Bucky Barnes.

—

Or: The first piece of Bucky Barnes that returned was, in all honestly.

His cock.

Art by Sally, as well as sundae cherries.

College/University AU and also High School AU

It’s Quiet Uptown by princess-of-the-worlds (ao3)

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warnings: None

Words: 28K

Relationships: Steve Rogers/James “Bucky” Barnes

Tags: Modern!AU, Boarding School!AU, Canon Temporary Death, Brief Underaged Drinking, Road Trip, Mutants

Summary: Steve Rogers has always relied on the fact that Bucky Barnes is a major part of his life, and his burgeoning crush on his best friend shouldn’t alarm him. It doesn’t, in fact, but Steve has always had the worst timing in life. He anticipated problems but not problems like this. Enter: boarding school for rich kids, death, assassins, mutants, a road trip, and what could possibly be a government-wide conspiracy. Steve may not even make it to college.

Art by @ninjasherlock

Betaread by @lostthebucky

Lessons In Chemistry by @brendaonao3

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships:Bucky/Steve (Background Sam/Rhodey)

Word Count: 42329

Tags: College AU, Science Nerd Bucky, Artist Steve, Bucky POV, Sexual Experimentation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Dom/sub Undertones, Friends With Benefits, Boys Who Can’t Communicate Except Through Sex, Language Kink, Skinny!Steve, Bucky & Sam Friendship, Bucky & Peggy Friendship

Summary: Bucky Barnes is having a rough senior year of college: his girlfriend of two years just dumped him for being too boring, he’s drowning in lab work and classes and assignments, sleep and free time are a distant memory, and all his friends seem to want to talk about is how he needs to out of his comfort zone.

But then his old high school buddy, Steve Rogers, drops back into his life, and suddenly classwork and studying and getting into a great grad school are the last thing on his mind.

Art by @sulasaferoom

of glory and of good by laure_lie (justawks) with art by barnesergeant

Rating: Teen And Up

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 20,230.

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, brief - Relationship

Tags: alternate universe - actors, alternate universe - modern setting, actor Steve, actor Bucky, Hamlet - Freeform, Shakespeare, high school theatre, social media, coming out

Summary: Steve Rogers cannot escape Bucky Barnes. He’s everywhere. High school was a long time ago, yes, but it’s not easily that you forget your first rival. Bucky Barnes stole the role of Prince Hamlet right out from under Steve’s nose, after all. Ten years later they find themselves in the same position - two actors, with a few scars and a few more secrets - vying for the role of Prince Hamlet in what promises to be the role of a lifetime.

Roll for Initiative by QueenoftheRandomWord42

Rating: T

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 30244 words

Chapters 5/5

Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Alternate Universe, The D&D AU nobody asked for, Bucky Barnes plays the Winter Soldier, Steve plays Captain America, Fury’s their GM, M to F Transgender side character Joseph Rogers is the trans side character, no powers au, modern day AU, College AU

Summary: What happens when you mix D&D, The Avengers, with a dash of Identity Porn, a dash of fun, and put into the blender and press frappe? Hopefully this fic!

Bucky Barnes has been trying to juggle his final term in his undergrad while trying to find a thesis project for grad school by day, by night he plays table top games. His characters have a habit of dying before the end of the campaign, and all he can do afterwards is talk to his friend Nomad1974 about the games.

Steve Rogers has been trying to get though art school while his mother is sick with cancer, and circumstances have required that he move in with his mother and uncle until his mother is better or he graduates from college, which ever comes first. The best escape he has is playing table top games online with his friend Not_Yur_Side_Kick17.

Both players have started developing feelings for each other online, but when they meet in real life, they are unaware they know each other, and begin pining. When well these two figure out that they know each other in real life?

Art: by @samthebirdbae

Fairy Tale/Mythology AU

Endurance and Magic by izabelluhroze

Rating: G

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 22k

Relationships: Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes

Tags: Cinderella!AU, Tony is the fairy godfather, mild abuse, minor character death, cliffhanger ending, pre!war Bucky, skinny!Steve, illness, this sounds angsty and it kinda is but there’s also a lot of fluff.

Summary:

‘Hear ye! Hear ye!

Know that on this day, our new king here by declares his love

For the mysterious blonde Bachelor, as wore white satin gloves

and who called himself Steven.

And requests that he presents himself at the palace immediately,

Whereupon, if he is willing, his royal majesty shall, forthwith, marry him.

Art by instagrims

I Think You’re the Cat’s Meow by daslebensmittel

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warnings: Chose not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 22,109

Relationships: James “Bucky” Barnes / Steve Rogers

Tags: Beauty and the Beast!AU (sort of), Modern Fairytale, Humor, Asshole Cat, Mostly Canon!Steve Rogers, Canon-divergent!Bucky Barnes, Pets, Cats, Enemies to Friends (I guess), Brief Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers

Summary: When Steve met Bucky, it was love at first sight. Bucky, on the other hand, wasn’t impressed; but he also happened to be - a cat. First-time cat owner Steve has a lot to learn about taking care of Bucky, as he tries to juggle his missions and hectic love life. And despite his initial rejection of Steve, asshole-cat Bucky soon learns to appreciate his patient human. However, Bucky also has his own secret agenda to achieve, before his nine lives run out. He never expected Steve of all people to help him - not at first, anyway.

Cover Art by @kikisloveschocolate Art by @barnessergeant Art by @milkberi (pending)

It Tastes Like Ambrosia by Little_Iago, myfailsafe, picoalloe

Rating: Explicit

Words:42k

Archive Warnings: None

After a human soul escapes the grasp of Hades and evades ferrying by Charon, the peaceful God of death Thanatos is tasked with finding out which God is interfering. Taking the mortal form of James Buchanan Barnes, he finds himself face to face with Steve Rogers, the man who has escaped death not once but twice. Now he must get into Steve's good graces and figure out why this mortal is special enough to disappear from the Underworld. Now Thanatos must navigate the normal life of a human, feelings and all, and manage to finish this simple task. The only problem is nothing involving Steve is simple. At all.

Art by @squeakydevil and @cbolle

#sbb2017

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