#This protocol nonsense is going to throw me over the railing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wizardofrozz · 3 years

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Welcome to Westview!

Warnings: swearing, slight implied smut (barely), mention of past violence

A/N: This chapter is a little longer but I couldn’t find a spot to break it up that I liked lol. Taglist is open 😊

Chapter 5

Bucky POV

Steve, Clint, Loki, and I hurried up the steps of the library, hoping to find Vision before the meeting started. The four of us stumbled into the main room, seeing a table of men talking softly; I spotted Vision’s light hair first.

“There he is,” I whispered, jabbing an elbow at Loki, who stood next to me.

“Hey, Vis,” Loki called, starting towards our friend.

“Hey, guys!” Vision called, waving us over.

“Who are these guys?” a man next to Vision with a mustache asked.

“Oh, these are a few of my buddies. This is Loki Laufeyson” -Vision rested a hand on Loki’s shoulder as he sat next to him- “then Bucky Barnes.” I took a seat on Loki’s other side, waving when Vision brought attention to me. “Steve Rogers.” Vision pointed to Steve, who took the chair at the other head of the table opposite the man with the mustache. Steve smiled softly, waving as his eyes flicked around the table. “And Clint Barton.” Vision pointed to Clint, who sat across from me.

“Heya, gentlemen,” Clint greeted, leaning back in his chair, spreading his legs, getting comfortable. The other men around the table mumbled ‘hellos’ or waved at us, still visibly uneasy.

“So, new business?” Vision spoke up.

“New business actually means another round of Danishes,” the man named Norm said. I sighed, quickly realizing these guys were just as bad as the woman. Loki passed me the box after pulling a treat out for himself, smirking at me.

“Gossip club, anyone?” Loki mumbled. I snorted, holding back my laughter as I picked up a raspberry Danish for myself, and Steve then passing the box to Clint.

“I thought we’d be talking about neighborhood safety, not a kid’s treehouse,” I chuckled. Loki dropped his head, covering his mouth as he chewed, hiding his smile.

“Anyone else get the wrong idea?” Steve asked, leaning forward.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Clint snorted, taking a bite of his pastry. A fit of laughter from the other end of the table caught our attention; the four of us turned our heads, trying to catch up on the conversation.

“Hey, care for a stick o' Big Red?” the guy I recognized as Wanda and Vision’s neighbor Herb said.

“Well, hold on there a second. Didn't you hear the man? He doesn't eat food,” Norm cut in, stopping Vision’s hand short.

“Is gum food?” the man with the mustache asked.

“Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication,” Vision stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh boy,” Loki whispered, hiding his smile. Steve looked at his lap, a small smile on his lips, and Clint threw his head back, covering his mouth; I elbowed Loki and kicked Steve’s leg, glaring at Clint.

“No, I don't do that,” Herb shot back, visibly uncomfortable.

“Ah, well, when in Westview…Cheers,” Vision took the gun, putting it in his mouth.

“Stop him!” I hissed at Loki, but it was too late.

“This could be a problem,” Loki mumbled, his eyes glued to Vision.

“Who knew you were such a funny guy?” I heard Norm chuckle in the background.

“It’s gum; what’s the problem?” Clint whispered, leaning over the table.

“And to think you came here all hot and bothered about protocols and nonsense. We actually thought you were serious!” Herb laughed, clapping a hand on Vision’s back. Loki tensed next to me when he heard the audible noise of Vision swallowing.

“That’s the problem!” Steve hissed, falling heavily back into his chair.

“So what? He swallowed it, big deal,” Clint said, tilting his head, still not understanding.

“He’s a machine”-Steve leaned over to whisper to Clint- “he has gears, not a stomach.” It took Clint a few seconds, then his eyes widened, his panicked gaze flicking to Vision.

“Shit,” Clint mumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“You okay, Vis?” Loki asked, leaning closer. Vision’s brows pulled together, bringing a hand to rest on his chest as he blinked a few times. “Vis?” Loki tried again.

“I…*hiccup*…think so,” Vision croaked.

“This isn’t good,” Steve mumbled, the panic in his voice sending his voice up a few octaves.

“Hey” -I grabbed his forearm with my left hand - “he’ll be fine.” Steve sighed, nodding after a few seconds before his shoulders started to relax. I smiled at him, squeezing his arm; the soft whining noise of my arm filled the room, and I watched the lights in the library make the dark metal of my hand twinkle.

“What the…” I gasped, ripping my hand away from Steve. My hand started to shake as I inspected the metal plates slotting together on my fingers and my palm. My heart rate jumped, beating against my ribs as panic set in and the once soft whining in my arm became deafening. I screwed my eyes shut, trying to catch my breath; I slowly opened my eyes, finding the slightly lighter skin of my palm facing me. I blanched, opening and closing my flesh fist that was metal only a few seconds ago. I glanced up and Clint was staring wide-eyed at me, but he quickly turned to listen to what Steve was saying.

“What’s wrong?” Loki mumbled, elbowing my arm lightly. Steve looked away from Clint when Loki spoke, his gaze boring into the side of my head.

“Does my arm look funny?” I croaked, glancing at Loki.

“No?” Loki said, his brows pulling together in confusion. “Are you okay, Bucky?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I stammered, inspecting my hand again.

“Okay?” Loki mumbled, flicking his gaze to Steve.

“Well, I think that’s all we have time for today, gentlemen,” Herb’s voice cut in, stopping my internal meltdown.

“We’ll catch you guys at the talent show later,” Norm said with a smile, pushing away from his chair. I set my hand on the table, wondering why I was staring at it so intensely before smiling at the men at the other end of the table.

“See ya later, guys,” I said, nodding once. “Help me carry Vision,” I mumbled, leaning closer to Loki.

“On it,” Loki whispered. “Hey Vis, we have to get you ready for the talent show.”

“Talent show?” Vis giggled, stumbling as he stood. “What talent do I have?”

“You and Wanda are doing a magic show,” I assured in a soft voice, firmly gripping the back of his arm. Loki did the same on the other side, helping me lead Vision towards the door. Steve and Clint brought up the rear, glancing around to make sure no one was shooting us odd looks.

“Magic!” Vision exclaimed, giggling again, stumbling through the door.

“Shoo, don’t yell,” Loki warned softly.

“But no one” -Vision wretches like he might throw up- “can know *hiccup* about Wanda!”

“You’re going to pretend,” Loki reminds him, patting his hand.

“This is going to be a mess,” I sighed, dropping my head forward.

“You can say that again,” Clint grunts from behind me.

***

“Come on, Vis. Wanda is waiting for you,” I grunted, dragging Vision along. Vision swatted my hand away, stumbling forward to start up the steps. Loki’s head dropped back, his eyes closing as he pulled in a deep breath.

“(Y/N) and Nat are going to kill all of us if he messes this up for Wanda,” Loki groaned, running a hand through his short hair.

“Don’t remind me,” I grumbled, rubbing my temples. Seeing Wanda glaring at us from behind the stage, I winced, mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ before dragging Loki towards the crowd. I pushed Loki towards his seat across from (Y/N), plopping into the chair behind Loki across from Steve. Clint and Nat’s table was in front of us; Clint turned around, raising an eyebrow at Loki and me.

“I take it by the look on your face that Vision isn’t any better,” Steve whispered.

“No, and Wanda was not happy,” I sighed, bracing my elbows on the table. I lifted my head to talk again, but Dottie hurried onto the stage, drawing everyone’s attention.

“I want to thank you all for coming out to support Westview Elementary. For the children.” Dottie smiled, waiting for the crowd to respond.

“For the children,” the audience chorused. I shot a look at Steve, raising my eyebrow but caught the same fearful look on Steve’s face. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing (Y/N) fidget in her seat, and peek at Nat, who was picking at the tablecloth.

“What the hell?” Loki whispered over his shoulder to me.

“I second that,” Clint mumbles, leaning back in his chair.

“We were about to ask you two the same thing,” Steve added. Dottie drew our attention back to the stage, but I couldn’t ignore the somersaults my stomach was doing.

“And for our final act... I give you, Wanda and Vision.” I sucked in a deep breath, noticing Loki, Steve, and Clint doing the same thing as Wanda walked on stage.

“What’s wrong?” I faintly heard (Y/N) ask Loki.

“I’m going to say this: it was not our fault,” Loki whispers back. I anxiously waited for Vision to walk out, but nothing happened for a few seconds, and Wanda was looking tenser; suddenly, Vision threw the curtains open.

“Oh! Yeah! I've got to go! Hello, Westview! Good afternoon. It's so lovely to be…” -Vision knocked his hip into the railing of the steps- “I'm so sorry. Excuse me. I am Glamour, and this is my delightful assistant, Illusion.” Vision’s words slurred together as he swayed in place, lazily gesturing to Wanda.

“I am Glamour, and he's Illusion,” Wanda corrected, exaggerating her voice, playing the part.

“Yeah, what she said. Today, we will lie to you, and yet you will believe our little deceptions because human beings are easily fooled due to their limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe.” Vision shrugged, flopping his hands to the side in front of him. “Flourish!” Vision pulled one hand pack, facing his other palm towards the crowd like he was shooting something from his palm. I dropped my head onto the table with a dense thud, resisting the urge to do it again.

“We’re dead,” Loki stated.

“Yep,” I mumbled.

“It was nice knowing you,” Steve huffed.

“You just do it; you don't say it out loud, honey,” my enhanced hearing picked up on Wanda’s whisper and Vision’s scoff.

“And now my wife and I will delight you in your dumbstruck little faces. Flourish!” Vision bellowed. I lifted my head just in time to see Vision starting to fly, a pleased, drunk-looking smile on his face. The audience around us began to gasp except for the six of us; Loki, (Y/N), Clint, Nat, Steve, and I all tensed, staring wide-eyed at the stage.

“We need to help her!” (Y/N) harshly whispered to Loki, starting to stand.

“Wait,” Loki shot back. Suddenly a pulley system appear, connected to the back of Vision pants; I let out the air I was holding in as I watched Vision now dangling in midair.

“Ha! See there? He's using a rope,” Norm shouted from somewhere in the audience. Wanda giggled, moving the sign from in front of the pulley; she started to move the crank, smiling brightly.

“Wanda, what's... Oh, no! Oh! No! Wanda, please! Darling, let me down!” Vision shouted, flailing. “I’m feeling pukey!” I couldn’t help but laugh along with the crowd, momentarily forgetting the issue. “Ooh!” Wanda finally let Vision down, who stumbled a little, trying to regain the little composure he had.

“Maybe this won’t be too bad,” I chuckled.

“Uh, what's next? Oh! Yeah, this is... This is gonna be great!” Vision got excited, hurrying towards the piano, a goofy smile spreading across his face. “A staggering feat of strength!” I nearly choked on my spit when Vision lifted the piano, making noises to encourage the audience as he smiled, proud of himself.

“Illusion... Uh... Uh... Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me,” Wanda called, hurrying towards her husband. My eyes widened, and I heard Steve gasp when Wanda took the piano from Vision; Wanda turned to the side, showing the audience that it was only board, giggling and winking at the crowd.

“Whoops! You weren't supposed to see how we did that trick,” Wanda joked, wiggling her hips. I felt something bounce off the back of my head; I turned around to see (Y/N) glaring at me.

“You are so lucky our friend can think on her feet!” she scolded, continuing to glare at me. I dipped my head to hide the embarrassment blooming on my face; Loki, Clint, and Steve all sported a similar expression. I tensed again when Vision hopped off the stage before Wanda could turn around again, making a beeline for Herb.

“Oh, Sherbert! Yeah, this is my old mate, Sherbert. Stand up, Sherbert,” Vision bellowed, hurrying to where Herb stood, confused. “Say hello to the crowd!”

“It's Herbert, er- Herb,” he corrected, eyeing Vision suspiciously.

“Dear God,” Loki mumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face.

“Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card. Any card. Yeah, put it back in the deck. I'm not looking,” Vision urged, holding the deck of cards out. Herb pulled a card out, looks at it then placing it back in the deck so that Vision could shuffle them. “All right. Watch this,” Vision quipped, smiling. Vision pulled a card, showing it to Herb with a pleased look on his face. “Is this your card?”

“Uh, no,” Herb mumbled.

“I beg to differ,” Vision slurred. Herb shook his head ‘no’ only making Vision irritated. Vision started pulling cards out, asking if it was Herb’s card, and none of them were; panic shot through me when Vision’s hand started moving faster, too fast for human eyes to keep up with. Vision made it to the last card, holding it out to Herb, clearly annoyed. “Is this your card?”

“Oh, it is!” Herb exclaims with a smile.

“Can’t get much worse, right?” Loki whispers, leaning his chair on two legs to get closer to me.

“Please don’t say that I’m begging you,” I groaned.

“They’re almost done, Buck. It can’t get much worse,” Steve tried to reassure me. I looked back at the stage to see Vision stumbling onto the stage.

“And now, for my next trick...” Vision reached up for his hat that was sitting turned over on the stage, missing the rabbit inside.

“Oh goodness me,” Wanda mumbled, watching her husband.

“Who stole my hat? Oh! Oh, stop that rabbit! I gotta pull a hat out of it!” Vision starts for the rabbit, but Wanda had beat him to it, holding the animal to her chest.

“Maybe we leave the poor bunny out of this one, shall we?” Wanda pleaded. Vision seemed to agree before his face lit up, and he bent down to pick up his hat.

“Well then, I will just have to pull this hat... out of myself,” Vision giggled, holding the hat in front of his stomach.

“Damnit, Loki,” I growled, bracing my elbows on my knees, cradling my head in my hands.

“In my defense, I didn’t see that coming,” Loki mumbled back. The audience gasped around us as Vision phased the hat through his body, yelling in triumph after doing it.

“How many more tricks do they have left?” Clint called over his shoulder.

“One,” (Y/N) ground out, her jaw clenched.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale, I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries!” Vision yelled, throwing his arms out.

“The Cabinet of Mysteries!” Wanda corrected, gesturing to the box that rolled onto the stage.

“Yeah, yeah. What she said. I will now make my wife... disappear.” Vision opened the doors to the cabinet, showing the crowd that it was empty but closed them before Wanda could get in; I watched her head drop slightly, sighing.

“Are you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named ‘My husband Ralph?’” Agnes called from the crowd. I shot a dirty look her way, glaring at the back of her head, noticing the rest of my friends shooting her similar looks; Wanda must have seen because she covered a laugh, turning her face away.

“No. Abracadabra!” Vision laughed, hitting a magic wand into the door, reminding me of a child.

“Uh, sweetheart?” Wanda chuckled.

“Yeah?”

“Hi…”

“Oh,” Vision mumbled, looking back at the cabinet where Wanda was supposed to be. After a few seconds, people in the crowd started yelling, ‘what’s in the box?’ and I could visibly see the irritation on Wanda’s face. “Yeah, what’s in the box?” Vision asked Wanda, his face scrunching in confusion. Wanda took a deep breath, and they open the door to reveal another woman I didn’t remember meeting.

“Geraldine?” I heard Nat mumble, raising an eyebrow. Wanda, Vision, and the woman Geraldine bowed as the crowd cheered and clapped for them.

“Let’s get outta here!” Vision yells, running off the stage. Wanda closed her eyes momentarily, and then her gaze landed in our general direction when they opened again, glaring before hurrying after Vision.

“Up. Now,” (Y/N) growled, her gaze moving between Clint, Loki, Steve, and me. Nat stood next to her, her arms crossed over her chest as she took turns glaring at each of us. All four of us flinch before standing; our heads bowed as we followed the girls backstage. The six of us made it to the bottom of the steps in time to hear Vision talking.

“Ah, I'm not as funny without it, am I?” he grumbled, sounding disappointed.

“Not really,” Clint snorted, earning a smack on the back of the head from Nat. Clint yelped and quickly moving to rub the back of his head.

“Wanda,” (Y/N) called, hurrying up the steps with Nat on her tail. “We’re so sorry. The boys are idiots.”

“It’s okay,” Wanda sighed. “They couldn’t have known, but Vision should’ve known better.” Wanda shot Vision a look, and he dipped his head, trying to avoid the wrath of his wife. “Don’t blame them,” Wanda assured them, pulling them into a hug.

“Let’s get out of here before anyone says anything,” (Y/N) urged, shooing Vision towards the four of us. The eight of us clustered together, hurrying down the sideway, trying to avoid anyone catching us.

“You two, stop right there,” Dottie called from the stage, pointing at Wanda and Vision.

“Go!” Wanda whispered, shooing the rest of us. (Y/N) grabbed mine and Loki’s hands while Nat grabbed Steve and Clint, dragging us across the street, back towards our homes. The walk was eerily silent; Nat and (Y/N) dropped the hands they had and were walking with their arms linked. Steve, Loki, Clint, and I exchanged worried glances periodically, waiting for the explosion.

“You boys are lucky,” (Y/N) called over her shoulder. I searched her face for any trace of anger or irritation, and surprisingly I didn’t find any.

“It didn’t turn out that bad,” I tried, bracing for anything.

“It was quite funny,” Nat pointed out, looking at (Y/N).

“Okay, are we in trouble?” Loki asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, Wanda’s not mad, so you boys got lucky,” Nat giggled.

“But you four need to pay more attention to your friend!” (Y/N) scolded, looking over her shoulder at the four of us. “He’s a machine; he doesn’t really know how to be human,” she whispered. The girls stop in front of the Barton house, turning to face us; the four of us shuffled in place, each mumbling an apology.

“Come on, birdie,” Nat giggled, reaching a hand for Clint. Clint rolled his eyes, shaking his head but clapped a hand on Loki and Steve’s shoulders and smacked my back before grabbing her outstretched hand.

“Later, boys,” Clint called, saluting us as Nat pulling him towards the house. When Nat and Clint disappeared, Steve, Loki, (Y/N), and I walked across the street, stopping between our homes.

“Let’s go home, trickster,” (Y/N) sighed, snaking an arm around his waist.

“See you tomorrow, boys,” Loki said with a slight nod. Steve and I waved before heading for our door; I gestured Steve through and closed the door behind me, slumping against it.

“That was a train wreck,” I sighed, scrubbing at my face.

“That’s an understatement,” Steve groaned, throwing his upper body over the back of the couch. “Thank god it’s over now.” I pushed off the door, my eyes raking over the curve of his behind as I walked towards him; I positioned my pelvis behind him, leaning into him.

“James,” his warning muffled by the couch cushions.

“Mm, you’re not helping,” I growled, resting my hands on his hips. Steve pushed himself up again, so his back was flush with my chest. “This is your fault,” I chuckled darkly into the shell of his ear.

“No, you’re just insatiable,” Steve snorted, relaxing into me. My eyes slid shut as I started to sway, wrapping my arms around his waist, moving Steve with me, humming against his throat as we moved together.

“You got me there,” I mumbled against his skin. We swayed to nonexistent music for a couple of minutes until I started to get greedy, pulling him tighter against me. Steve huffed out a laugh, spinning in my arms despite my protest.

“I need a shower; care to join?” Steve whispered, cupping my face so I would meet his eyes. I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds before groaning again, slowly opening them; I jumped back, bile burning at the back of my throat when I saw Steve’s face again. Steve wore an unfamiliar uniform with a large star on the chest, and his left eye was swollen almost shut, and there was a small cut below that eye which was bleeding. Another cut started at the corner of his mouth on the right side, his lip was busted, and a nasty cut curved over the top of his right eyebrow. ( x ) My chest constricted, making it harder to pull air into my lungs as my eyes flickered over his face; a crippling wave of panic and guilt tore through me. I choke on a sob as I stumbled into the wall next to the steps, tears clouding my vision. “Bucky?” Steve begging, stepping closer.

“No!” I cried, trying to move away from him. Somehow I knew this was my fault, I did this, I hurt Steve, but I had no idea what happened or what I did to him. I sobbed loudly again, sliding down the wall, covering my face with my hands; my body shook as I tried to make sense of the situation. I flinched when I felt Steve’s hand on my wrists.

“Bucky, please!” Steve begged, pulling on my hands. He managed to pull my hands away, and when I opened my tear-filled eyes to look at Steve, I blanched; Steve looked fine again, his skin was smooth with no dried blood, and he was wearing his dark sweater. I grabbed the sides of my head, crying out when a sharp pain exploded through my head; I cowered against the wall as the pain pulsed through my brain. “Bucky,” Steve cried, sounding desperate. As quickly as the pain started, it stopped, leaving me shaken; I tentatively looked up at Steve again, cringing at the tear stains on his cheeks.

“Steve,” I croaked.

“What just happened?” Steve blurted, cupping my face.

“I-I don’t know,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I’m scared, Steve.” Tears pooled in my eyes again, and I buried my face into Steve’s chest. We sat on the floor, clutching each other until I could talk again and try to explain everything to Steve, but the memory quickly faded.

Chapter 6 | Series Masterlist

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thebibliomancer · 6 years

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #192: Steel City Nightmare!

February, 1980

Weirdly my first thought was that this could be a Superman cover. Because Wonder Man is very red and blue and I somehow overlooked Iron Man at first. And punching a big glowy guy full of kirby krackle is just the kind of nonsense Superman would get up to.

And later in this issue, Wonder Man ends up in a situation that reminds him of “an old Max Fleisher cartoon” and takes a page from the unnamed hero thereof.

So I wonder (ha!) if its a coincidence or if I’m picking up on an intentional homage.

Anyway.

Last time: the Avengers won their freedom from Agent Gyrich’s restrictions by ditching their senatorial hearing to go fight Grey Gargoyle. There’s more to it then that but basically the very short time when Gyrich had much sway on the Avengers is over.

This time: A steel city nightmare.

We actually start with Wonder Man and Tony Stark touring a steel factory.

And the narration reminds us of the easily forgotten fact that Wonder Man aka Simon Williams and Tony Stark were once competitors. Until Simon Williams got in huge amounts of trouble for embezzling money and then agreed to let a Nazi scientist experiment on him and then died.

But this steel factory belonged to Wonder Man back before all of that and Tony Stark asked him to come on the inspection to help him decide whether or not to add the factory to the holdings of Stark International.

I might be a kind of insensitive gesture if Wonder Man gave a crap about his life as a businessman, which he doesn’t. He just seems kind of amused by the blast from his past.

Meanwhile nearby, some of the workers ooh and ahh over getting to see a real superhero like Wonder Man from so close.

The foreman, Joseph Conroy, brags about seeing Thor use this very factory to repair Mjolnir a couple years back. Conroy even found a chip of Uru afterward and made a good luck charm/keychain out of it.

One of the other workers says something weirdly threatening though.

One of the other workers: “Maybe you’d better switch to rabbit’s feet, Conroy. That lucky charm don’t seem to be workin’ too good lately... does it?”

Conroy nervously excuses himself to get Wonder Man’s autograph for his daughter.

Aww, Wonder Man actually has fans. Children fans.

But later as Conroy returns from getting said autograph, another worker jumps out of concealment and smacks him with an ore spoon.

Knocking him over the railing and sending him falling right into the furnace.

Where he just. Vaporizes. Eesh.

Alas Conroy. You cameo from a Thor comic, you.

Unfortunately, in addition to the tragedy of a man being murdered, him falling into the vat of molten metal also spilled some molten metal on the cauldron operator.

Who obviously runs off screaming, suffering terrifying injuries.

But the cauldron continues on its automated way, operating on a pre-set rate of flow which pours molten metal all over the manufactory floor.

Less than good.

There’s no time to get all the workers to safety so the crucible has to be stopped.

Tony tries to slip away to become Iron Man but Wonder Man grabs his briefcase from him and throws it across the factory to hit the control panel.

Leaving Tony Stark just sadly watching and thinking “Aw, geez. My armor...!”

Its like a brief but effective example of how secret identities can backfire. I love it.

And the gambit works. The crucible stops pouring.

But the already spilled metal is still flowing towards workers so Wonder Man jumps off the catwalk to go save the day.

Wonder Man: “Somebody’s got to stop that molten steel! And since I’m the only Avenger around, it looks like I’m elected!”

I do like Wonder Man sometimes. Despite his insecurity and self-doubt, when the moment comes he almost always steps up.

Anyway, this is the moment where Wonder Man takes some inspiration from not-named-but-totally-Superman cartoons, grabs some I-beams, bends them into U-beams, and dams up the molten flow.

And it works! You’re two for two on good ideas, Wonder Man!

Then he hears someone calling for help and he rushes in.

One of the workers tripped and someone got his fool ankle stuck in the stamp press.

He begs Wonder Man to turn off the press but Wonder Man doesn’t know how to do that.

Despite once being an inventor businessman, he thinks best with his muscles. So he decides to muscle this problem.

So he jumps under the press and holds it up, gloating that he once fought Thor to a standstill!

A steelworker: “But no one can hold a stamp press back! It’s set for fifty thousand tons!”

Wonder Man: “Don’t worry, friend -- I’m Wonder Man! I once fought Thor to a standstill! And if I can *ung* do that... s-surely I can *ghk* ... can *urf* f-fifty thousand, huh? HHEELLPP!”

Thankfully Tony Stark shows up, a sentiment some would say they never thought would be expressed.

He pulls the worker free and tells Wonder Man to jump clear.

Buuuuuuuuut.... Wonder Man accidentally.... stripped the threads on the thing.

If he jumps out head first, he’ll get a flattened bottom. If he jumps out feet first, a flattened head.

Tony Stark thinks of a third option though.

Grabbing Wonder Man by the belt and pulling him out in all one go so he clears the press.

Good job, Tony Stark.

Yet another sentiment that blah blah et cetera.

So here is part of why I find Wonder Man so endearing I guess. He sure does goof up a lot, often related directly to him bragging about how strong and cool he is. He’s a very human character for a character that’s no longer strictly human.

Wonder Man: “*Whew* That’s what I get for being cocky. Guess I still haven’t had enough experience as a super hero to anticipate all the angles. Thanks, Tony.”

MEANWHILE, AT THE MANSION OF AVENGE

A man approaches Avengers Mansion and tries to gain access with a card.

REJECTED

The security tentacles grab him and then a net is dropped on him, and then laser cannons activate.

So I guess the security system is working.

Agent Gyrich bursts out of the mansion and demands to know who this guy is and why he’s skulking about.

Sid Bloat: “I-I’m Sid Bloat, sir. I-I live down the street an’ I got this neighbor who’s been playin’ his stereo real loud, y’know? My landlord won’t do nothin’ about it, but since the Avengers are good-guys, I thought, well...”

Henry Peter Gyrich: “You mean you’ve attempted to breach a top security installation to solicit some of the most powerful beings on this continent... for a noise complaint?!”

Also the card he tried to use to gain access when prompted for a clearance card was a credit card.

I’m just flabbergasted by that.

I don’t know whether the line of thought was trying to unlock the high tech front door lock like you could with a less advanced lock using a credit card. Or whether he was trying to pay an entry fee. Good lord.

The Avengers all come out to see what the fuss is and Captain America tells the guy that the Avengers are a specialized organization and don’t reeeeeeeeally handle problems like noise complaints.

Gyrich tells the guy to go to the police.

Vision floats out through the wall and says he’s heard that the huu-man method in this situation is hitting a broomstick against one’s ceiling “can be an effective mode of communication in cases such as yours.”

Sid Bloat leaves to maybe take some of these suggestions into consideration but really is thinking he should have gone to the Fantastic Four.

I’m not going to look it up because I don’t want to be disappointed but if the concurrent Fantastic Four comic this month or the following month didn’t have Sid Bloat show up with his noise complaint then comics are a failed medium.

With that little nonsense over, Gyrich is satisfied that the security on the Avengers Mansion is adequate and that some random asshole off the street can’t just walk into the place like he did that one time.

He doesn’t like their newly won autonomy but orders are orders and he’ll be checking up on them from time to time. But for now, GOOD BYE.

And the instant he’s gone, the Avengers go ‘welp time to expand our roster just because we can.’

To be fair, they’re only going to ask Hawkeye and Yellowjacket. Two additional people plus I think Ms Marvel is sticking around because Scarlet Witch is still planning to take some ‘me time.’

Falcon actually suggests Hawkeye because he thinks it might ease the bad blood between Hawkeye and himself which-

Look, Falcon. I appreciate that you’re a nice guy who would think of Hawkeye when this opportunity came up. But the ‘bad blood’ is entirely on Hawkeye’s shoulders.

He’s blaming you for a thing you didn’t want to do but were emotionally blackmailed into by Cap to fulfill restrictions set up by Agent Gyrich. But Hawkeye took the brunt of his anger out on you, the Falcon.

Fuck ‘im is what I say.

Not that it matters. The contact number that Hawkeye left with the Avengers is out of service now that Hawkeye has a better gig and better digs working at Cross Technological Enterprises.

Meanwhile, Janet calls Hank “Giant Ant-Man Yellowjacket” Pym and lets him know that he can rejoin the team as a full-time Avenger but he’s enjoying having time to do pure research.

Also some chemicals are boiling over and he doesn’t want to be the jackass that spills chemicals on himself and gains superpowers. Nope, he’s the jackass that tested chemicals on himself on purpose without doing any kind of other testing on living matter first.

But me calling back to Grey Gargoyle and also throwing my hands up in defeat at the lack of safety protocols in comic book science aside, Hank hangs up on Jan to go deal with some chemicals that are boiling over.

Janet van Dyne, aka the Wasp: “Hank! What do you -- Hank? Hello? Ooo, Henry Pym, you’re infuriating! Just wait’ll I get home! I’ll show you! Or worse, I won’t show you!

Given what I know is coming, her trying to get him to rejoin the team has a foreboding feel to it. Geez.

Its true what they say. Not all of wisdom brings joy.

Later, after Wasp has gotten out of her superhero outfit to put on a nightgown to make a phone call to Hank and then gotten back into her superhero outfit to have a house meeting, uh, there’s a kind of house meeting.

Captain America: “Terrific. When we can’t add Avengers, they’re running out of our ears. But when we can add Avengers, everyone’s busy. Makes sense.”

Hah. A common problem to many in different permutations.

Beast suggests re-inducting Wonder Man. And I’m surprised it took so long for someone to make the suggestion. He was very recently with the team and verbally regretting that he’d have to leave it soon.

I guess they didn’t want to add too many people all at once and they wanted to soothe Hawkeye’s crybaby feelings and also wanted to let Jan hang out with her husband during superhero stuff.

But after that fell through, I’m surprised someone didn’t go ‘oh hey Wonder Man’ before Beast did.

But then, they’re besties. And I hope the X-Men never takes Beast back. Only bad things happen to him there. Or happened by him. I don’t think Beast would have broken the space-time continuum just to be a petty dick if he stuck with the Avengers.

Anyway, as we’ve seen, Wonder Man is in Pittsburgh with Tony Stark so why not bop over and surprise him with the offer?

But Vision notes that not all of them would be able to make the trip, seeing that Scarlet Wanda has her bags packed for her vacation time.

Vision: “Are you certain you must leave, Wanda?”

Scarlet Witch: “Yes, Vision. There are things I have to sort out. Things I’ve got to settle... on my own. Please try to understand.”

Vision: “Your decision is perplexing, my wife, and very human. I do not understand -- but I do accept.”

Vison + Scarlet Witch: “I love you.” -kiss-

Aww.

Geez. I’m really angry at John Byrne all of a sudden for no reason. Huh. Weird.

MEANWHILE, Pittsburgh.

The steelworkers set up a memorial for Joseph Conroy.

Since there’s nothing left of anyone who falls into molten slag, its tradition that the last ingot poured from the steel someone died in is set up on the grounds as a kind of tombstone. Tombsteel. Non-grave marker.

But the steel mill owner Vince Paretta is quick to reassure prospective buyer Tony Stark that this doesn’t happen often, swearsies! This plant has an A-1 safety rating! He then drags Tony off to finalize negotiations.

As the workers and executives leave the yard, the sky fills with dark roiling clouds. The recently placed ingot begins to quake and smoke and finally

OH YEAH

A giant naked flame man bursts out from within it.

Obviously, this kind of pyrotechnic makes some noise and inside the office, Stark, Paretta, and Wonder Man have heard it and see the fire man heading towards them.

Wonder Man tells Paretta to get his security team scrambled while Wonder Man goes to slow the thing down. But he tells Tony to stay right where he is, in the soon to be abandoned office.

Which conveniently gives Tony the opening to change into his armor.

Outside, this monster gets named in the most logical way possible. Some random thing that someone shouts at it, yelling "H-holy Hannah! That thing looks like a living inferno!” and thus we will call this creature Inferno. As the caption box lampshades “The description fits.”

Wonder Man rushes forward to fight the shambling mass of man-shaped slag. He just runs right up and puts all his strength behind one mighty THRAM of a punch.

“But Inferno takes that punch, and -- almost politely -- returns it!”

FWOBOMM and also a SKABASH as Wonder Man smashes through a wall, headfirst.

Iron Man flies up from behind the creature and attempts to take it down with a blast of repulsor. But the creature shoots some of its own molten slag substance at the armored Avenger.

He’s protected from the heat by the refractory coating on the armor but the extra weight from the cooling slag throws off his balance and he SPUTCHs to the ground.

And now that both he and Iron Man have been made fools, Wonder Man concludes that this Inferno is big trouble. He decides to activate the emergency beacon he was given when he became a backup Avenger.

But as he does, Inferno ominously looms over him.

IN THE RECENT PAST AT AVENGERS MANSION.

Jarvis is happy that the loosened restrictions on the Avengers means that he is allowed to perform monitor duty now. That way the Avengers are free to do the Avengersy stuff.

Makes sense.

You don’t have CEOs personally manning call centers. You probably don’t need a superhero to watch a bunch of monitors.

But maybe we should and do.

Anyway.

Just as Jarvis has said all of that, the emergency beacon goes off. Shortly, Ms. Marvel reports to Captain America that Wonder Man has activated his top priority emergency beacon.

Captain America: “But what could possibly be in Pittsburgh that could threaten Wonder Man?”

He was knocked out by a stone man once. Hell, he was knocked out by Beast once. Lets not act like Wonder Man’s durability isn’t highly arbitrary.

But here’s an additional thing. The beacon was designed to keep pleeping until shut off at the mansion OR if the beacon itself is totally destroyed.

And Wonder Man’s signal just stopped.

DUN DUN DUN!

Next issue: Battleground: Pittsburgh!

This is a two-parter and we’re only half done so I’ll have more to say when we finish that other parter.

One thing though: if the Avengers were going to end up going to Pittsburgh because of Wonder Man’s emergency beacon then why set up the plot point that they were considering visiting him to offer him membership on the team?

One or the other would have sufficed, comic!

Either they go visit and coincidentally end up there just when he needs help with a living inferno or they decide to offer him membership when he gets back from his trip.

I don’t know why this bothered me enough to comment on but that’s the world we live in now.

Hey, follow @essential-avengers. Not only for great content like this but older. BUT ALSO: I just remembered that I’d promised to cover some alternate Avengers if I hit 20 followers and we’re at 13. Which is more than half of 20 by at least three. If we hit 20 followers you can ask that I look at one of these significant alternate Avengerses. You could even ask me to take a peep at the Mangaverse Avengers or United They Stand Avengers, you bastards.

#Avengers #Inferno #Iron Man #Wonder Man #Scarlet Witch #the Vision #they are delightful #Beast #Falcon #the Wasp #Captain America #Ms Marvel #Carol Danvers #Essential Avengers #Essential marvel liveblogging #Jarvis #so i guess the supervillain de jour is the tortured spirit of a man who died in horrific agony #y-yay comics

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