#and I have an app for meditation and I’m writing something I’m enjoying (…. not so much writing right now but)

[doctorweebmd]

okay. yeahhh no it’s official. its yearly depressive episode time.

#😞 #I don’t know why it surprises me. every single year. #November-January are just consistently always awful #I sincerely believed living in a place with warm year round temperature would help. it did not lol. #anyway. almost exactly a year ago I got into a rut and wrote we will wait and wait in that space #it was certainly a lesson in not putting my very fragile mental health into the hands of fandom lmao #… this year is a little bullshit because I hurt my knee about 6 weeks ago and now I can’t really do the walking/exercising thing I normally #start doing to work off some of this heaviness in my chest #it’s ok. I’m starting some more meds and I have a new psychiatrist #and I have an app for meditation and I’m writing something I’m enjoying (…. not so much writing right now but) #and yeah my entire soul is screaming out for love and affection and validation but. we are going to be chill about it. #sorry for depression posting on this blog #I can’t really talk to anyone about anything #and wouldn’t want to in general #I’m just sad but I think many of us are #and you are not alone and very much loved

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips for Building a Sustainable Writing Practice

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. First Draft Pro, a 2023 Camp NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a great writing app—whether you’re writing solo or with a co-author. Here are a few tips for building a sustainable writing practice, brought to you by author Ariana Brown and First Draft Pro.

We’ve all heard the advice to “write every day,” as if it were that easy! Translation: suck it up, no one cares if you’re tired. But what if there was another way to get writing done, without being unkind to yourself? 

Hi, I’m Ariana Brown, and I teach writers how to create a writing practice that is sustainable, flexible, and fulfilling. Most of my students are chronically ill, disabled, neurodivergent, or simply exhausted from the daily stresses of life. I know writing isn’t your only responsibility—capitalism makes sure of that! But I strongly believe that writing should be an enjoyable activity you look forward to.

Below I’ve compiled my top tips for exhausted writers who want to be kinder to themselves—and still get the work done.

1. Add pleasure to your writing routine.

Sensory pleasures are neither frivolous nor are they only for children. They’re a crucial part of being alive! They give us something to look forward to when times are tough and we need motivation. Candles, soft blankets, cold beverages, mood lighting, dance breaks, yummy treats—whatever you choose, make sure it’s something you love. Paint your nails a fun color so you have something beautiful to look at while you’re typing away. Make a playlist of your favorite songs and after you finish a chapter, blast one song so loudly you have to get up and dance. Then, get back to writing. Remember, even for the most focused among us, pleasure is a better motivator than shame.

2. Be clear about your intentions.

What brought you to writing in the first place? For some, it was the ability to escape into our imaginations. For others, it was the chance to finally express what we’d been holding inside. Identify your reason for writing, then ask yourself: Am I still enjoying this? Do I still feel connected to my reason for writing? If not, explore how you can strengthen your connection to your inner child’s reason for writing. 

3. Work with your brain, not against it.

If we know that everyone’s brain works differently, why do we force strict discipline and linear processes on ourselves? My advice: find or create a writing process that works for you. Maybe you love outlines; maybe you prefer to see where the words take you. Either way, make space for wandering, play, and discovery as you write. Take brain breaks. Doodle, map, dance, and draw when you get distracted. Body double with other writers, try new exercises and prompts to make the writing sing, and take plenty of breaks to stretch your body and talk to friends. We come to writing with our whole selves. Listen to your body, don’t shut it off.

4. Find a writing community.

You don’t have to wait for a community to come to you! I offer co-writing sessions on Zoom four times a month for my Patreon supporters, but do what works for you. Attend local open mics as an audience member and cheer on your peers. Invite your best friends to your living room once a month for a two hour writing/crafting session. Or check your local library and bookstores for free workshops and author events. You don’t have to do this work alone.

5. Develop a gratitude practice.

Finishing your draft is a huge accomplishment, but it’s not the only milestone to be celebrated. Consider creating opportunities to thank yourself throughout your writing practice. You’re doing an amazing and difficult thing. The fact that you keep showing up is worthy of celebration. Whether you decide to journal, rest, pray, meditate, or reward yourself, a little gratitude goes a long way.

Ariana Brown is a queer writer from San Antonio, TX, based in Houston. She is the author of We Are Owed (Grieveland, 2021) and Sana Sana (Game Over Books, 2020), and a national collegiate poetry slam champion. Ariana holds an MFA in Poetry, MS in Library and Information Science, and a BA in African Diaspora Studies and Mexican American Studies. She has been writing, teaching, and performing for over a decade. Follow her online @ArianaThePoet and www.arianabrown.com. 

#nanowrimo #writing advice #executive dysfunction #neurodivergent writers #disabled writers #by nano sponsor #first draft pro #ariana brown

[spinmearound]

I can’t find my diary so...

I’m going to write here instead. 2023 goals...

1. Live your life, don’t live voraciously through other people online. You have one life to live. So try to enjoy it and make your own experiences. I know you like to be a homebody but I’m proud of you for trying to get out there more. 

2. Try to do something/go out every weekend (except when you feel unwell). Meet up with R, H, your sister, ask the girl at Japanese class, meet M. Go to a cafe, a restaurant, a walk in the park, see a new city. (I want to visit cambridge at some point). 

3. Try to sleep early, ideally before 1am. If you can do this you can avoid overthinking about life. It’s not a distraction technique, you just don’t need to be thinking  about things in life with regret. Also it will help your mental health, your mood, your skin. 

4. Wash your face x2 a day. Let’s make an effort with skincare. 

5. Face yoga! Maybe not every day since you’ve never done face exercises before but just try practicing. Don’t overthink it, you’re beautiful now...you’re only as young as you are right now and ageing is not a bad thing. But just try to maintain your beauty. 

6. Try to start going out more after work. You finish at 6 but that doesn’t mean you can’t go to the pub after work...social life = happy life. 

7. Go to a dance event with mum, you might like it. 

8. Start doing yoga more regularly again. And meditation! You’ve paid for an app so use it lol. 

9. Try to study Japanese, once a week in class is good but it needs to be better...you’re going to be the one controlling the trip. 

10. Less time on all devices, including phone, laptop etc etc. Blue light isn’t good for the skin and honestly just do something else,, memories will never be online internet memories, they’re memories you have when you’re outside doing stuff.

[mnmovdoom]

(I deleted the Tumblr app for a detox so I had no idea you even posted these prompts!! But I’m popping by to request one because I can’t not :’) )

Okay I lied, I’m requesting two because I’m a little shit 😇 Can I please request 20 with Luke and dad!Vader? And can I also ask for 9 with Jango and Zam (platonic or romantic, up to you!)?

1837467592746 YEARS LATER, HERE IT IS!!! Writing is very hard right now, I hope you like these ;-;

Standing a little over two metres tall and encased in his black armour, Vader is the embodiment of indestructibility, of might, of power. 

And Vader tries to live up to his exterior. Even now, as a creature that isn’t Anakin or Vader, he uses his suit to project a confidence that sometimes isn’t there. 

Vader knows the atrocities he’s committed, and while he now allows himself to regret some, he’s unrepentant in other instances. He atones for some of his mistakes, yet carries on with an iron fist. He still refuses to sleep, afraid of the nightmares that will plague him, but meditates regularly to let go of his anger. 

Yet, he keeps fear close to him. Sometimes it fuels his connection to the Dark Side and gives him power; sometimes it breaks Vader - and for someone as impressive, Vader is disproportionately scared.

Especially now that he has Luke with him. 

For Vader, it’s only a matter of time until Luke leaves. Vader’s logical brain doesn’t need a reason for that, because a lifetime of fear of loss and abandonment and isolation inside the suit dictate that there doesn’t need to be a reason. One day, Luke will simply have enough and leave, taking away the only source of good in Vader’s life. 

There aren’t many things that make Vader happy. He enjoys doing mechanical work and flying, but it’s never the same pure and unbridled happiness of having his son around and talking to him and doing something together. Luke is the brightest light in Vader’s life, and he needs it. Losing it is not an option, yet Vader knows that, should the time come and Luke wants to leave to never return, Vader must let him. It’s… the right thing to do, for Luke’s happiness. It’s the fair thing to do, because Vader is a monster and doesn’t deserve his son.

So he forces himself to stay in the present and enjoy it while it lasts.

Vader has never mentioned any of this to Luke, but Luke knows. All it takes is looking at the apparently unshakeable figure of his father, at the imposing line of his shoulders, at his confident gait. Luke knows, because he’s seen the man under the armour reach out for him, and scream and throw the Emperor into his death; Luke knows, because no matter how flawless his father’s shields are, the two of them are too intertwined in the Force and Luke feels Vader’s anxiety spike up whenever he walks away.

But because his father never said anything on the subject, Luke hasn’t brought it up either, unwilling to disturb the relative peace of mind his father has found. 

Except… it’s not fair that his father has to carry that fear and have it gnawing at him. Vader still has a long way to go and a lot to heal, and Luke wants him to know that he is going to be there for him. He’s not going to leave his father, ever. They’re each other’s family now, and regardless of everything that happened along the way, Luke loves his father and he knows his father loves him. 

And if Vader needs reassuring words, Luke has no qualms in giving them. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Luke says one day, when they sit back to back on their meditation cushion and press their backs together. 

At first, Vader doesn’t know what Luke means with that and his confusion rings in the Force around them. 

Then, he understands, and is at a loss of what to do. Luke is his son, it shouldn’t be him reassuring Vader; not to mention, that’s not Luke’s weight to carry! Yet, Vader can’t form words to rectify the situation. He can’t deny his fears nor thank Luke for the reassurance - not verbally, at least. He can’t hide the viciousness with which he clings to Luke’s words nor hide the rising fear that one day those words might not be true. (After all, Vader arose from the ashes and dust of empty promises and lies.)

No, he can’t hide from Luke, and that’s why Luke nudges Vader’s side with his elbow, gently, playfully, reassuringly. 

And, after a little hesitation, Vader nudges Luke’s side with his elbow, gently, playfully, gratefully.

---

“Jango?” Zam calls, amusement lacing her voice. 

The man in question startles, sitting upright abruptly and groping clumsily at the helmet concealing his face. Then, that same helmet turns slowly to fix Zam with a deadpan look.

“Fine, I’ll let you fall asleep on the controls the next time,” she says, cocking an eyebrow and looking away. What’s the worst that could happen if Jango’s head hit the panel? Suddenly coming out of hyperspace? A missile going out? His reputation never recovering? Nothing at all? Instead of dwelling on that, Zam choses to go to the root of the problem. “Why are you so tired, Fett?” A mischievous smirk grows on her lips. “Have you finally found a mother for little Boba?”

At that, Jango’s helmet once again gives her a very deadpan, a very done look:

“Boba was sick this entire week…” Jango says, like it was only a minor inconvenience and not eight nights and seven days of internal panic. Even now, that Boba has improved and is under Taun We’s watch, Jango is terrified for his son’s wellbeing. “... I shouldn’t even be here, but since you can’t finish your own job by yourself-”

“Hey, I didn’t know Boba was sick!! Why didn’t you tell me?? I’d have eventually found a solution for my problem!!”

Because you’re my only friend and I don’t want to lose you.

“Because that’s none of your business…” Jango grunts moodily, earning the mother of all eye-rolls:

“You don’t even make sense!”

But after that, they resume silence. Jango doesn’t doze off again during the rest of their flight through hyperspace, and by the time the Slave I enters Corellian atmo, Jango is fully awake and fully focused in the task at hand. 

Of course, after the adrenaline of completing Zam’s job and the petty satisfaction of giving her a lecture wear off, Jango is ready to sleep for a whole month. Not that he’d allow himself the luxury of napping with Zam moving about the Slave I, of course (it's not like he doesn't trust her... old habits die hard, just that). Not that she’d be fooled if he allowed himself to doze a little on the pilot’s chair while pretending to be fully awake and… well, piloting.

Bold of him to assume she wouldn’t notice how exhausted he is in the first place…

The moment the two of them sit in the cockpit, Zam raises an eyebrow at how heavily Jango sits down on the pilot’s seat - he never does that, and since he isn’t injured… it can only mean he is very tired.  Of course, the stubborn bantha tries to put on a show of normalcy, but Zam can read him perfectly despite the beskar: that slight sluggishness to his movements and the odd silence surrounding him are not normal, and given the information that Boba had been sick and Jango having almost fallen asleep earlier… 

“You could use a nap,” Zam points out, once they’re in hyperspace. “It’s more effective than bouncing your leg.”

“And leave you unsupervised in my ship? No,” Jango grunts, crossing his arms over his chest - his leg goes still, too. That earns him a look flatter than a pancake:

“We’ve known each other for years, Jango. I showed up on your doorstep asking for help and you left your barely-recovered son to come help me,” Shaking her head, Zam crosses her arms over her chest as well and looks away from Jango. “What are you afraid of? That I’ll stab you in your sleep?”

There’s no reply to that, and Zam just rolls her eyes. Jango is impossible. This is going to be one long hyperspace ride, so she props her feet up the console, just the way Jango hates it, and sinks into her seat, pulling out her helmet and tossing it to the side. She is going to be the smart one and take a nap, then! That is, if Jango stops staring at her - it’s not like she minds, it’s just that right now she’s a little too upset for that.

But when she opens her eyes and turns her head to scowl at Jango, she finds herself staring into his dark eyes, not into the T-shaped visor of his helmet. Alright, that’s disarming. 

“I’m not afraid you’ll stab me in my sleep…” he says quietly, in what Zam knows to be the closest she’ll ever get to an apology and to a confession of trust. She rolls her eyes, annoyed, but then smiles:

“Fine, you can use me as a pillow.”

#I was asked something #thank you heartxfkyber #my writing #Star Wars #Luke Skywalker #Darth Vader #Jango Fett #Zam Wesell

[apexart-journal]

Caitlin Hespe in NYC - Day 7

Waking late.

Trouble sleeping again, had so many stories on the brain, talked to emilie last night. Decided a was not able to write the stories down last night, but definitely should have because i didnt sleep for hours.

Watched some of the radiant child basquiat documentary.

Went to St. Thomas. Sat inside for half an hour, looked at the huge wall of carved stone in front of me, filled with figures, probably symbolically arranged with some sort of heirarchy.

Noticed some beautiful mosaic stone panels at the front of the altar space, representing i’m not sure what, seemed to be a range of biblical imagery, and american buildings and the flag.

The style of rendering, cut pieces of coloured stone, was so incredibly beautiful and understated.

Saw a man walking along the street backwards. Seemed like some sort of personal dare or challenge. He was contorted a bit to be able to look behind him. He seemed unphased by the irregularity of it.

Saw a man flossing his teeth whilst walking in the park

Walked to bryant park for juggling. Could not find jugglers anywhere, perhaps because the lawn was closed. Walked around the park, which was packed with people having their lunches, and playing various types of games - bocce, bowls, table tennis, connect four, chess, cards. I sat and read for a little while, then walked back up to 51st looking at all of the buildings, and found a waterfall - greenwich place. Constructed calm.

Feeling the weight of all the buildings around me, and the cost of everything around me.

Caught subway back home to go to a bookstore that was closed so back in the apartment to sit for a while and read. I feel a bit queezy/unwell and am bleeding a lot, so think the private rest is needed.

Remember from Mike yesterday that there is a name for the columns that are shaped like women - caryatids. I didn’t know this. An Atlas or telamon is the male version. People holding buildings.

Back home

Overwhelmed. ‘this is for me’ and ‘it is not about me’

I affect nobody.

bit dark, and aimless: the subject of my consciousness right now.

Trying to fill out an application for a caretaker position, and struggling to find any way to describe myself genuinely. Key word - genuinely- is striking me, and triggers the concept of authenticity, and the performativity of authenticity (something I perceived a lot of in the church). I am struggling to discern ‘myself’ right now, as I float around in these strange settings.

I feel very pushed and prodded and pulled by all of the messaging around me - telling me to be concerned about all of the company’s great outreach projects, to know about what is on, to download this app, to buy everything online, to check if your rent is standard (according to this app), to get this insurance, to secure your data, to sign up to become a member, to rest, to exercise, to lose weight with monthly injections (???)

Feel like sleeping, but will resist.

I need to leave in an hour.

Meditated for 20 minutes. Then left.

Made my way with wander stops to 106th st to the Jewish home to play casino games.

I was actually very nervous. Mostly because of feeling like an imposter.

I didn’t want to seem ingenuine, but the nature of only volunteering once in a place you are unfamiliar with, to me, comes across as insincere, or not able to care in a real way. But, I knew even if difficult (personally), this couple of hours means not much at all to any of the people there. To me, I saw some sweet people and played some games with them, which they seemed to enjoy.  

I was the card shuffler for the dealer of blackjack. There were two blackjack tables, (apparently, according to Lori and Tony, our table was the fun table), and one roulette table.

Our table had some characters, whose interactions with each other made the ‘action’ of blackjack quite amusing. Ms. Carol always referring to herself as “me”, as in, “me want a hit” or “me stay”, or “me unhappy with that deal, dealer”, and always spoke to the cards coming her way with instructions, either “downtown” or “uptown”. Ms. Lynette and Lori would be looking over Ms. Carole’s shoulder and be gobsmacked by her decisions. Ms. Carole began by sitting still on a 6 and 4, and progressed to a six card hand adding up to 38. Although, she did get a surprising number of 21’s.

Lori wanted everyone to “say it from the chest!” whenever they announced a number over 21. Pam was apparently a demon at another card game (cant remember name, something beginning with P) - when played with her rules - but seemed to have a mock-traumatic response to playing Uno, which made everyone laugh a lot, I can assume they have had some tough Uno games together…

Anyway, it was overall enjoyable, and I feel sad that I cannot (or can I?) go again whilst I am here for some more games.

Thinking about what it was about the volunteering session that had me so nervous, and what my real issues are with it. Whether my feelings of discomfort were ultimately fear around spending time with these people and a way to avoid, or, are these feelings relevant to listen to, that volunteering in places that serve people should not really be done flippantly, that there should be the capacity for consistency when participating, for the sake of the people being served. I guess I worry that the concept of volunteering is used to inflate oneself  and dehumanise the recipients of care, causing problems in the types of relationships that form, or types of care given.

But, I guess I wasn’t trying to do that, and I dont think I did that. But, I am and was worried that I would (inflate myself and dehumanise the recipients of care).

I think i’m thinking too much.

But, there is something in the particular discomfort I am feeling whilst here. It is about getting to ‘taste’ and experience so many different types of communities and connections through activities, without the possibility of continuation. It leaves these experiences with a certain shallowness, or even sadness, because of the ephemerality,

But I mean, this is technically true all the time,

But it is more pronounced in this situation. It makes me think of people who only go to places for free samples, never investing in the full thing. Like, I feel a certain guilt at not being able to say I am genuinely interested in this type of experience when I go to things, because I feel like not being it (interested) implies a negative or critical judgement.

As i think this, I realise I hadnt really been accounting for the possibility that I am just curious, not aiming to criticise, just to see. I guess I wasn’t built to be a documentary maker, or researcher?  

#Caitlin Hespe #Inbound from Sydney

[sleepyfemme]

hi !! do you have any advice on how to improve/grow your yoga practice ? rn I'm mainly doing yoga by watching yoga with Adrienne but I feel stuck ? ig i want to try new things and push myself more but I'm a little bit lost on how to do it. so if you have any advice, that would be great !! thank you ❤️

yes i absolutely have some advice!!!! sorry this ended up being kind of long lol

i think adriene is great, but she does stay within a kind of limited range & style of movement which can get boring & uninspired after a while. what i did at the beginning of covid when i was trying to form a home practice was skim a lot of other youtube yoga classes for ideas & take screen recordings of things i wanted to try later. i hate to recommend anyone venture into the instagram yoga world, but i did that on instagram as well lol. it is definitely possible to find people on instagram who have reasonable, normal yoga practices and don't just do crazy inversions and stuff, and i've definitely drawn a lot of inspiration from them this past year. if you're into following videos, maybe find a yoga instructor you like who has a paid app or service and try that (i don't really enjoy following videos so i wasted some money doing this, but everyone is different!!). i understand because of covid or other reasons this might not be possible for you (right now at least), but truly nothing is better in my opinion than an in person yoga class. if that's accessible & safe for you, i would really recommend it!!! if not, check to see if your local yoga studios have any video classes on their website. they often will be better than what you can find on youtube

also, listen to your body & move in whatever ways feel good!! it doesn't have to be in a sequence & doesn't have to be an actual asana, just stretch & move around your mat & figure out what feels good. closing your eyes & breathing through different parts of your body will help you with this. just learning to move intuitively in ways that work for you will really open up your yoga practice in a big way.

i use a progress tracker app (the one i use is called done if anyone is interested) & having a way to track my practices was super motivating to me, and it might be for you as well!! setting a small goal for yourself could be very helpful (but don't put too much pressure on it either). for me when i started using the app i didn't necessarily have a specific goal in mind, but it did force me to get on the mat every single day even on low energy days or days when my mental health wasn't great, and i learned how to move & care for myself in those moments & i wouldn't have done that if i hadn't made myself practice every day. for me at least, i was only really motivated to practice on days where i had high energy & was in a really good mood, and i think having a steady home practice means you have to get on the mat more than just when you feel like it (especially bc when you DON'T feel like it is probably when it will help you the most). also, getting a nice non-slippery mat was a game changer for me

try keeping a yoga journal!! this is something i've personally failed at (but i do keep trying at least), but maybe try keeping a journal near your mat to just write about how you felt during practice, how you feel after, anything new you tried, emotions or feelings that came up in your practice, etc etc. if you aren't already meditating, trying some meditation can really help you connect with your body, especially body scanning meditation & breathwork meditations. incorporating breathwork into your yoga practice also will help with that.

my favorite thing about home practice personally is how playful they can be!! your time on the mat should be fun. for me personally that means putting on music & dancing/singing to it while i flow. it also means that when i fall out of balances or other poses i'm not strong at, i laugh about it & keep going. having a practice that's playful & fun & joyful is like, the whole point!!

if you're comfortable with it, take some videos from time to time!! this is helpful partially to check your form & alignment & making sure you're doing things safely, but partially bc it's so cool to be able to physically see all the progress you've made!! i found that super super motivating to keep practicing.

i hope this was helpful, best of luck to you!!! 💖💖💖

[sarcastic-bubble]

“Leave me alone” and “Did you just kiss me?”

With Anakin if you are ok with that :)

Paring: Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Work count: 1.5K

Warnings: It gets a little angsty down there.

A/N: Oh my god guys I'm on a writing roll! I also wasn't about to finally switch everything over to my other blog without clearing my inbox first. Like I'm an ass, but I'm not that big of an ass. But I do really hate trying to format fics on the tumblr mobile app. So just pop on over to @sarcastic-bubbl if you want.

Masterlist

---

You lay on top of a large pile of cushions. If a passer-by were to peek in they’d think you were napping, but that wasn’t the case. You were meditating. Every Jedi had their preference when it came to positioning and yours just happened to be laying down. You found it easier to forget your physical form and fully immerse yourself in the force when laying. Maker knew you needed all the help the force may offer at the moment. Your master had sent you to meditate hours ago and told you not to come back until you’d made a decision. At first, this had seemed cruel, but it was your fault for taking so long to make this decision. You tried to search the force for the answers you were looking for but it only echoed the fear and uncertainty you felt. Your breathing deepened and slowed as you worked your way through various meditation techniques but your mind simply refused to clear. This should be a simple choice. The council believed you were ready to ascend to the rank of Jedi Knight. You should agree with them. You should be grateful for the chance to complete the remaining trials that you hadn’t during the last few months of your training. Everyone believed you were ready yet you didn’t feel ready. The more you were pressured the less ready you felt. You could just say no, but making a habit of defying the council and your own master hardly seemed like a good idea. Why couldn’t this be simple?

    You were far too lost in thought to hear to door open and close. Nor did you notice the sound of cushions being moved to create a small pile perfect for lounging on. “You need to relax more,” stated Anakin very matter-of-factly as he sat down next to you. 

    This was finally enough to pull you from your thoughts. “Leave me alone,” you grumbled, “can’t you see I’m meditating?” Why was he here? Anakin was a pest. He had been one since he had arrived at the Jedi temple all those years ago. He was, however, your favourite pest and easily your best friend. As often as he drove you crazy with his reckless antics and sarcastic wit you found yourself drawn to him. He was someone you trusted and could talk to but right now he was a pest and you wanted to be alone. 

    “I’m not sure you can actually call what you’re doing meditating, (y/n).” His sentence was punctuated by the crisp crunch of him biting into an apple. 

    You opened your eyes only so you could properly glare at the Jedi next to you. “What would you call it then?” 

    His soft blue eyes met yours. The cocky expression he so often had around you faded into concern. “The beginnings of an existential crisis.” 

    You missed the concern that had begun to creep into his voice and his change of expression. There was just so much on your mind and even though you were looking at your attention was still only halfway there. “Are you just here to tease me or is there a reason you’re here?” You hated yourself for it but you could feel tears begin to form as you spoke, the frustration stemming from indecisiveness was already too much and Anakin was threatening to tip you over the edge. 

    Anakin set the apple down on a bare patch of the floor before place his hand over yours. “I came to check on you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” You weren’t okay and Anakin knew it. He had the force to thank for that. Upon his return to the temple only half an hour early he had looked for the gentle yet mischievous waves that were your presence in the force and had been since you were children. He never found it. Instead, wave after wave of uncertainty had crashed into him. At that moment he had decided his duties could wait and he set off to find you. 

    “I don’t think I’m okay,” you whispered. The tears you had been trying so hard to hold back took this as permission to quietly stream down your cheeks. 

    Anakin slipped his mechanical arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest. You shuddered against him as you cried. You waited for him to say something. He always had something to say, but Anakin remained quiet. He simply held you tight until your tears had run their course. Once he was certain you were done crying he spoke to you softly and pressed a small bottle into your hands, “have some water. You don’t want a headache.” 

    You were grateful for the cool liquid. Each sip soothed your parched throat and seemed to chase away the impending headache that Anakin was so worried about. Not trusting yourself to speak just yet you gave the man a weak smile. 

“If you want to be alone I’ll leave,” a gentle thumb brushed the few remaining tears from your cheeks,” but if you want me to stay I will. It’s up to you.” 

“Please stay,” you whispered weakly. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” That was all it took for silence to return to the room. You relaxed against Anakin’s chest and once again his arms encircled you and held you tightly.

 You weren’t sure how long you laid like this, just enjoying his soothing presence, but when you peaked out one of the rooms small windows stars littered the sky. You were the first to break the silence, “thank you.” 

“Of course,” hummed Anakin in response. 

“You probably had more important things to do than sit here with me,” you pointed out quietly. 

“That’s what the council will try to tell me, but nothing is more important than you,” he brushed his fingers through your hair before continuing,” and whatever decision you make I’ll support you.” He felt you tense beneath him. “You can tell the council no. As wise as they claim to be, they don’t know everything about you.” 

“And what about my master?” You could feel the dread rushing back into you. 

“What about him? If he’s that determined to get rid of you then I’ll take you on as my Padawan until you’re ready.” He realized how ridiculous the idea sounded as he spoke it. He had only been knighted a few months ago and as far as skill was concerned you were his equal, and there was the was fact that he was only your senior by a year. It wouldn’t be the most conventional pairing.

“You can’t possibly think they’d let you do that,” you replied with a small smile. 

“I’d like to see them stop me,” his words were sincere. He had no clue how would do it, but if he had to them he’d figure out a way to make you his padawan. He’d have to get Obi-wan on board with the idea if he ever hoped to have a chance. 

“You’re insane,” you laughed in response. It was quiet but it was there and thats and Anakin needed. 

“Probably,” he chuckled. He was a little disappointed when your body shifted off his. You did keep one had in his as you shifted into a half-sitting position next to him. He could see the real you coming out again as you giggled quietly to yourself over the idea of being his padawan. He could feel you again too. The uncertainty was still there but the force was once again filled with your gentle presence, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thank you, Ani.” 

“Good.” He wasn’t sure what drove him to do it now of all times but as he finished speaking his lips met yours in a soft, short kiss. He regretted it almost immediately, but that didn’t stop him from lingering for a few moments. 

“Did you just kiss me?” Your expression was an unreadable mix of emotions and so were your thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… that was wrong. I-” You pushed a finger against his lips effectively silencing him. 

“It’s okay, Ani. I just didn’t expect it is all” your finger left his lips and your hand fell to your side,” but if you wanted to try again that would be okay.” 

Anakin’s expression was a mix of sheer relief and pure joy as his lip once again captured yours. His lips were softer than you’d expected and far more welcoming than you had ever imagined. “How was that?” He chuckled. 

“Much better.”

“Are you ready to go tell the council your decision?”

Your eyes met his,” as long as you’re with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Anakin pushed himself to his feet and held a hand out to you, “ now let’s go face them together.” 

#star wars x reader #star wars imagine #star wars #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker

[smediumsmeatbae]

Tremble (One Shot)

TITLE: Tremble PAIRING: Chris Evans x Reader  SUMMARY: Chris' anxiety throws him for a loop but you know how to make him feel better WORDS:  2.3 K SONG USED: Oh Baby by LCD Soundsystem WARNINGS: Mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, light angst (if you squint), SMUT SMUT SMUT (no one under 18, please!) A/N: This is my first for a couple of things. This is my first smut fic, constructive (read CONSTRUCTIVE) criticism is welcome. (Praise is awesome too lol.) And secondly, this is the first fic I've used with a song running through it. I really enjoyed writing this and loved using the song through it. It might be something I do again in the future.  This is also a submission for @jtargaryen18 's 30 Days of Chris. Thanks to her for hosting such a wonderful writing challenge and it's been super fun this whole month.  This is not to be posted anywhere else without my permission. Reblogs/likes/comments loved and encouraged.  Sort of been proofread. Any grammar mistakes are my own.

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There was a hush in the air that night as you sipped your glass of bourbon out on the back porch of your Boston home you shared with your husband Chris. He was due home in a few hours and you couldn't wait to see him, so you were trying to distract yourself with your favorite spirit and a book that Scarlett had lent to you. You tried to focus on it, you really did. However, as you re-read the same sentence about five times, that was proving to be a fruitless venture. You let out a small huff of restlessness and placed the book down on the patio table before taking a quick sip of your drink and opened up your phone. Maybe catching up on some work emails could distract you enough. Before you could open up the email app, though, you noticed that you had a message. It was from Chris! You smiled and tapped on the icon to open up the message. 

CHRIS: Just touched down, got an earlier flight. Can’t wait to see you. Tour’s been rough. Should be there in about 20-30 mins. 

Your belly was full of butterflies as you read the message. He was going to be home! His arm around you! In twenty minutes! You tapped on the reply button. 

YOU: Yay! I missed you so much babe. Can't wait to see you too! ❤

It had been so long since Chris had been home. You missed the way he sang 80's pop music when he made pesto eggs in the morning, how the bathroom smelled vaguely of his cologne and soap - one of your favorite smells - after a shower, and how he would tickle you into submission after you had any argument with him. You also missed the way he caged his sculpted arms around your head and stroked your hair gently away from your face as he made love to you. God, how you missed sex with Chris; you craved it. Facetime was great, sure, and it helped temper the desire but it could only do so much. It couldn't give you the heat of his body melting into you or how he held you close, almost protectively, as you came down from your orgasm. You couldn't wait to feel him again and would probably jump him as soon as he got home. 

As if Chris could sense that you were thinking about him, you heard the door unlocking and the sound of keys being tossed on the entryway table as well as suitcases and backpack being set down in the foyer, making a noise on the hardwood floor. You excitedly went towards the noise to see your tired husband standing in the foyer.  

"Baby!" You yelled as you ran towards Chris. You threw your arms around his neck and drew him close to you as you nuzzled your cheek to his shoulder, smelling his cologne and feeling the soft fabric of his shirt on your cheek. He grabbed you back in turn and buried his face into your neck and clung onto you, taking fistfuls of your shirt into his hands. You noticed after a second, that his body was tense. He was also slightly trembling against your body and he was hanging onto you like you were his salvation. 

"Chris?" You asked gently, pulling away your face in concern. "Baby, what's wrong?" 

Oh baby You’re having a bad dream Here in my arms

You cupped his face in your hands. He easily was a head taller than you but in that moment, he seemed so small, like a scared little boy that needed to be protected and loved. His eyes were cloudy and glazed over- he looked like he hadn't slept at all last night. 

You came to me Could all be a bad thing And do you harm

"I'm… I'm ok, just really tired." He gave you a small smile but it wasn't working; you could see something was really bothering him. You knew your husband too well; that, and he was a terrible liar. He started to let you go and go back towards the foyer to grab his stuff and unpack from the press junket. 

"Babe, please. Talk to me. What's really going on?" You folded your arms around your waist and spoke to him, not judging, just wanting to understand and help. 

He slumped down and let out a sigh, stuffing his hands in his pocket. 

"I just… need to decompress for a second. Can we not talk about it for now, please?" His eyes were pleading with you and your heart broke a bit. You wanted to reach out and hold him but instead you nodded and dropped your hands from your waist as if to say you were giving in to his request. 

You run from me Shot in the dark Please wake me For my love lies patiently Please baby please

You had a feeling you knew what was going on. Chris had issues with anxiety and he said earlier the tour was rough, didn't he? How bad had it gotten? He was usually really good about keeping his anxiety in check with some form of meditation and relaxation. What happened? You followed Chris into the living room where he turned on the tv, wanting to get out of his head a bit. Sitting down next to him, you wrapped your legs under you and nestled yourself into his side, letting his arm drape over you. You felt his chest rising and falling, missing so very much this feeling of closeness that you had not had since he left one month ago. One long month. He absentmindedly kissed the top of your head and stroked your shoulder lazily with his thumb. It was like the anxious person that came in from the tour was gone and Chris, your Chris, was back. At least on the surface. You knew that he was trying his best to bury it for the time being until he was able to talk about it. 

You came to me Are you having a bad time? There in your home

"The junket was… A lot." He finally spoke after a long time. "There wasn't really any time for breaks, and they just kept pushing us with more and more and more interviews and meet ups and Q&As and pictures…" You could feel his body tense up the more he talked about it. "It didn't stop. And I did my best to push it down, I made a commitment to be there and I was going to see it through, but man that last day… yesterday. I just couldn't do it anymore. I had a panic attack in between one interview waiting on another and I had to get out of there." There was a hitch in his voice that wasn't there before and you moved from your position to  straddle him and hold him close. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pushed your hands through his nape and massaged it, an act that instantly calmed him down. He let out a breath, seemingly one that he had been holding in for eternity, and wrapped his arms around you, nose nuzzled into the crook of your neck. 

Oh sugar Give in to me You're just having a bad dream

"Shhh, it's ok baby. I've got you." You cooed as you held him close. "Let it all out, I'm here love." 

He gripped onto you and you could feel your tshirt and neck becoming wet with tears as he quietly sobbed into your shoulder. Your big man; your confident, funny, passionate, smart, loving man was shaking in your arms. You cradled his head and rocked him from side to side, wrapping your legs around his torso to feel him closer, closer, closer to you. 

Oh but please Please shake me from my lovesick patient dream Please baby please And my love plays wait and see

He lifted his head up to you, lashes wet with tears and eyes still misty, kissed you softly. His hands unclenched from your shirt and they ran up your back, searching, needing, wanting to hold you. His eyes met yours, wordlessly asking and you nodded, needing to make this better, if only for a short while. You cupped your hands to his face, rubbing his cheeks with the pad of your thumbs and kissed him gently at first, then with more urgency. You opened your mouth and let your tongue explore his bottom lip before he opened his mouth for you to gain access. Tongues danced with each other for a bit, you moaning into his mouth. 

Chris was pulling at your over-sized shirt, and you obliged, lifting your arms up and letting him remove it. It was actually his old shirt, but you wore it, especially when he was out of town, because it smelled like him. With your shirt off, you reached for his as he unclasped your bra. You were so hungry for skin on skin contact, to feel his sculpted upper body next to yours. Soon, you were both bare chest to bare chest, your hands massaging the nape of Chris' neck while you licked and nipped at his collarbone, the fingers of your free hand playing in his chest hair. His hands were on your ass, grinding you up against him. You could feel the prominent bulge beginning to form in his pants and you melted from the sensation, matching his grinds with your own. 

“I missed you so.. Much.” He groaned into your ear as he squeezed your cheeks and buried his face into your breasts, kissing and sucking; marking you as his. 

“Oh, I missed you too baby.” You gasped out as your hands scratched his shoulders and down his back making him hiss. You felt your wetness soak your panties. “I’m here, Chris. I’m all yours, my love.”

You wanted to let him take the lead, take what he wanted from you. There would be time tomorrow for talking and kissing and exploring each other anew all day, but tonight you wanted to make his entire trip melt into a distant memory. You guided your hands down his magnificent pecs and abs to his belt buckle. He adjusted himself so that you could zip his pants down and get his hardness into your hands. You both moaned out when you cupped him into your hands. 

“Need you.” You heard him rasp out, nipping your jaw. You looked into his eyes and they were dark and lust blown. You nodded with a whimper, needing him just as much too, needed the familiar stretch that you had been longing for since he had left a month ago. 

With one arm, he lifted you up with ease, helping you off of the couch while you both got rid of the bottom half of your clothing. Chris eased himself back onto the couch and you had to restrain yourself from just jumping onto him as you straddle back over his waist. You took his head in your hands and crashed into his mouth with passionate kisses, with teeth and tongues and biting lips, fighting out for dominance on who was giving the better kiss. His thick arms were back around your waist and butt. You put your hands on his chest to steady yourself as you lifted yourself up and positioned yourself over his manhood. He helped guide you and in one swift move, you felt him inside, stretching you deliciously. You both moaned out, chests heaving at the sensation.

“Oh fuck baby.” Chris groaned as he bit down on your shoulder. “Feel so good… so tight for me.”

You started to move your hips, and Chris put his big hands on either side of your waist, guiding you up and down on his cock. Putting your hands on the back of the couch to steady yourself, you matched him thrust for thrust. Your forehead pressed against his lightly for a second as you kissed him again. He adjusted himself a little bit more on the couch so that he could hit you deeper and you shouted out as he hit your g-spot over and over.

“Oh god, Chris yes! Right there!” panting heavily you sped up your rocking. You were so close to ecstasy, and you could feel from the twitch in his cock as you moaned out his name that he was close too. He matched pace with you and slammed into you with all he had. 

“C’mon baby, cum for me.” His voice was low and intense. He took one hand off of your hip to dip down between your thighs and rub tight circles onto your clit with his thumb. That was all it took and you cried out, your whole body shaking and pulsing as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close to you. Feeling your walls grip around him was enough to push Chris over the edge as well and he let go, moaning out your name as his strong hands went up your back and pulled you down to him. 

Oh baby Lean into me There's always a side door Into the dark Into the dark, shh

Once both of your breathing had returned to normal you parted from his embrace and scooted off of him, feeling him slide out of you. You got up from the couch and walked into the bathroom for a wet washcloth to wipe up with. Finishing with that, you nestled down next to his side, running your hands across his naked torso, blissfully loving how his breathing was way more peaceful at that moment then when he came home. He pulled you close to him and dipped down to kiss your lips tenderly.

“Welcome home, Chris.” You sighed and ran your hands through his chest hair.

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TAGS:  @angrythingstarlight  

#jtargaryan18 #30 days of chris challenge #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fandom #chris evans x reader #chris evans x fem!reader #chris evans x female!reader #chris evans x female reader #chris evans smut #rpf #actor rpf #american actor rpf #smut #smut fiction

[patientlystudying]

Things I want to implement in my life that will make my life better (hopefully) <3

(Btw these pictures aren’t mine, they’re just for ~aesthetics~ and I found the first one on Pinterest and got the second one from the PicsArt color wheel thing or smth)

Anyway, ever since I started university a year ago I’ve learned something new during each semester I took... some things I’ve learned the hard way and others just came to me in an epiphany so hopefully you learn from my mistakes <3

I feel like this is very obvious, but to me it was somehow not so obvious... don’t drink three cups of coffee just because you like it, drink water instead it’s very refreshing. This is something I’m working on and hopefully for my next semester I’ll drink one cup of coffee per day.

This is very specific to me, but during my last semester I realized that I spent way too much time writing notes and they were very useful but at the same time they were very time consuming so I’m going to just print out the slides for my courses and just write my extra notes on there.

For the love of god please cut out all of the distractions. I swear everything seems 100x more interesting when I have to study :/

I’ve never tried these “study with me” videos on YouTube and a lot of people like them, so I really want to see if they’d work for me.

Actually try to focus during lectures. I have the worst attention span and I really can’t focus during my lectures esp if the lecturer is just reading off of the slides. And I think this is why I had to double the studying last semester, because l legit had to self study everything bec all of my profs were just reading the slides.

Avoid napping. During high school I was never the type of person who could even take a nap, but during uni I’d wake up super early and do half the work and take a “30-minute nap” that somehow turns to a three hour nap. Yeah no thanks. (these naps were so goooood though, I felt like a whole different person after them lmao)

Be extra when studying. Watch educational videos about the topics I’m taking, read articles and all that jazz.

Calculate the amount of time I spend studying so I can see what’s the optimal amount that works best for me.

I want to start stretching and meditating everyday... stretching because I’m the most inflexible person ever and meditation because I’ve read that it helps with maladaptive daydreaming :/

I’m always scrolling through twitter, tiktok, and tumblr and I’ve realized that this endless scrolling is useless and I’m just wasting my (very precious) time. So I’m just going to limit the time I spend on these apps.

That’s it (I think) hopefully I can actually do these things, I don’t want to be all talk and no action. I hope you enjoyed reading my brain dump and have a great day 🤎🎇

#studyblr #new studyblr #studyblr community #study #studying #student #studyspo #study inspo #study inspiration #college #university #school #study motivation #study tips #study hard #study masterpost #studying tips

[monstersandmaw]

Evening to ya, Ghosti✌️😆

Sorry if the wording sounds silly, but I wanted to ask if you know any rituals I could do for the New Years. 🤣 Christmas hasn't been exactly an easy time for me for various reasons and I tend to get the holiday blues pretty bad, and for a long old while New Years has felt very similar. I'm doing my best to feel hopeful and to have some faith for the new year, but it's turning out to be trickier than I anticipated. So I wanted to ask for suggestions as to do anything that could help feeling more hopeful, I dunno. :3

Though feel free to ignore this if you don't have the energy for it. I hope you had delightful holiday however you celebrated!!! 😊💖💖💖💖

Hey anon! (it’s now afternoon here in the UK, and it was morning when I started this! I got a bit carried away). I don’t know that I’m necessarily the right person to ask about this, but here are some ideas of things I’ve found helpful/centring/calming anyway which you could draw from. Other folks, please feel free to chime in with your favourite ways to put the old year to bed and welcome in the new one!

(first of all, I’m sending you lots of virtual ghostli hugs to help drive away those holiday blues. That sucks, and I’m so sorry it’s been so tough for you.)

Here’s a rundown of what’s below, and I’ll put in a ‘keep reading’ so that it’s not an incredibly long post! Some of it is more on the ‘spiritutal’ side of things, and others are just mundane and practical things.

Congratulate yourself on making it through the clusterfuck that was 2020

Make some tea and meditate on what’s been and what you wish for

Go outside, be still, and breathe deeply

Let go of negative events and thoughts by writing them down, then safely burning the paper

Disconnect from social media for a few days (or however long you’re comfortable with)

Start a bullet journal

Write lists of goals for 2021 and then refine/distill them down to 3 manageable objectives

Commit 100% to 6 months of positive change

Pick three dates/months in the year when good things will happen, and make them happen (including growing veg/fruit)

Light a candle on the full moon or New Year

Ok, so, first of all, you’ve made it through this year!! That’s no small accomplishment, given the sheer volume of absolute shite that has been flung at us from all angles, no matter where in the world you live. Celebrate that. Seriously, I’m not being flippant. Take a moment of stillness wherever you are, be ‘present’, and just think about the fact that you’re here, right now, reading this post. Not everyone is here any more for one reason or another, but you did it. Congratulate yourself and celebrate that. Treat yourself to a slice of cake (or something you really enjoy) specifically to celebrate making it through 2020.

Make a cup of tea (try a new blend or recipe perhaps, or stick with your absolute favourite), or make a comforting drink of your choice. As you pour the water into the cup, breathe in the steam and enjoy the scent of it. Try and imbue all the positive things - memories, achievements, moments etc. - that you encountered this year into the tea/drink, and think about them growing in strength as the tea steeps, and envisage them continuing on to next year too. When you drink the tea, you take the positive thoughts into yourself and they become a part of you. You could try it in the morning with a caffeinated drink (if you enjoy those) and let it fuel you for the day, or you could try a herbal tea at night to let the good vibes steep overnight while you rest. Make it part of your daily routine; a private meditation.

Go outside and find a quiet spot somewhere and either stand or sit and just soak up the atmosphere. If there’s a tree nearby, think about the way its roots are planted in the earth, its trunk stands tall, and its branches reach towards the sky. Feel that space inside you. Breathe deeply in and out, visualising your lungs filling to the deepest parts, starting at the bottom. Count to four for each inhale, and six out (or whatever you’re comfortable with, so long as the exhale is longer than the inhale). This will help to still you and calm you.

If you have something fireproof (can just be a ceramic bowl), take a piece of paper and make a moment to write down all the negative things about this year, using a pen that you’re comfortable with. If you’re not one for words, draw pictures. You can make it really beautiful or just scribble it all down - it doesn’t matter. Get that shit out. Look at it for a while and read it through, mentally letting go of each thing as your eyes pass over it, then light one corner (carefully!!!) and let it burn somewhere with good ventilation (a cooker hood is good for that, but outside is better). Visualise all that negativity being swallowed by the universe and let it go. My favourite line from the Seamus Heaney translation of Beowulf comes at Beowulf’s funeral when a Geat woman is singing her grief at his passing to the sky, and there’s the simple sentence: “Heaven swallowed the smoke.” How beautiful is that? The sky swallowed up her grief as she poured it out to the universe. The negativity might take some time to vanish from your life (it’s not going to disappear at the same time as the paper, sadly!), but watching it go can be the first stage of letting things go. I did this last year, and I’m only just letting go of the last things on that list, but it was a start, and it made me feel more at peace. 

Disconnect from social media. I know that with so much more happening online this year out of necessity, we’ve become even more dependant on our phones and computers, and it’s wonderful that we have this chance to connect with people when we can’t see them face to face, but social media can also act as a crucible for negative feelings. People usually post the best or the worst aspects of what’s going on for them or what they care about, so it leads to a skewed view of both the world and of what’s going on amongst our connections. It’s easy to start feeling insignificant next to someone else because of their achievements or their looks etc. and it’s also easy to start to get a bleak outlook when the news is full of terrible stories and people are reacting to it in a volatile and often knee-jerk way. Take some time off - uninstall the apps, or put the limiter setting on, or just step back - for a day, two days, a week, whatever you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be forever. If you use those platforms to talk to people, tell them what you’re doing, and give them another way to reach you if they need. No need to isolate yourself completely!! Think about how you felt before you started it (write it down?) and do the same afterwards, and compare. If it didn’t work for you, then that’s fine too. 

Start a bullet journal! Now is the perfect time to start bullet journaling. I first started this year when I felt like time was slipping through my fingers and my life was out of my control, and it’s really helped me to get a sense of order back. It’s not the magic cure-all for procrastinators and time wasters, trust me, but it can help to organise your mind as well as your day, and keep track of your habits etc. It can be literally whatever tool you need it to be. There’s a trend on social media - particularly Instagram and YouTube - that shows off these gorgeous journals that are basically works of art in themselves, and while it’s absolutely fine to aspire to that if you want to, the essential point of the bullet journal is to be a tool. You can buy print-outs from Etsy if you don’t fancy doing your own spreads. But don’t get completely hung up on pretty spreads and layouts because you won’t use it fully then. If you’ve got ‘new book fear’, like I did, make your own! I literally started my journaling by folding a few pieces of paper over, slapping a few stickers on them to cheer them up, and writing some lists. I didn’t buy a ‘proper’ journal until July 2020 when I’d got the hang of what I wanted out of the tool, and how to use it. I adapted one or two things, and I’ll be changing one or two things for next year, but it was a good way to start.

Here are two ‘minimalist’ journals and styles that I found helpful when setting mine up. They focus on usefulness and practicality, rather than overwhelming, artistic spreads and cutesy designs. I’m about to do a ‘plan with me 2021’ journal video for YouTube, so I’ll put that up when I’ve finished it, in case that’s helpful. 

Elsa Rhae

Pick Up Limes

Write down the things you want to achieve for 2021. These can be more abstract concepts like ‘more organised’ ‘healthier’ ‘start a business’ etc. Then, when you’ve got as many things as you’d ideally love to achieve/accomplish/manifest (don’t hold back at that stage), take another piece of paper and choose a maximum of six from that first lot to focus on, and below that, choose just three absolutely essential things to focus on. Make those your things for 2021.  

Now, this one is a personal one for me, so it may not be applicable at all to you/others, but I’ll share it anyway. For me, I need to make some significant lifestyle changes for my physical and mental health. So, I’ve decided to commit to 6 months of really hard work to bring about those changes. Time is going to pass anyway, from January to June. Six months will come and go anyway. Where will I be in six months’ time? I could be physically and mentally exactly where I am today. That thought is super depressing to me. Or, I could devote 200% focus, commitment, and energy, and bring about those changes, and be the ‘me’ I want to be in six months’ time.

It’s like the adage of ‘given a week to write a speech, it will take you a week, but given a day to write the same speech, it will take you a day’ - your brain will tell you it takes the amount of time that you have at hand to accomplish the task, and that’s simply how long it then takes. Use those three things from the 2021 list above, and commit to making those three things happen.

As an aside, tell someone (whose opinions you value) that you’re going to do this. By telling someone, you’re helping to cement the idea in reality, and you’ve got a support to turn to if it gets rocky, someone to cheer you on, and someone to celebrate with who knew what a struggle and commitment this was to you in the first place. 

Pick three points in the year where good things will happen. Book yourself something nice, save up for something and have it delivered then, or tell yourself that you will have achieved [x] by May, or September, or December. For me, it’s a working draft of my novel, and certain health goals by October, but make it yours, and keep those points fixed in your mind. It will help 2021 not to be one amorphous mass of time, and will give it structure and form. You could also choose to grow something in a pot - lots of vegetables can be grown cheaply from seed in a pot on a windowsill, and you’ll have something tasty to eat at the end of it!!

Here’s a slightly gentler idea to finish with: 

On New Year’s Eve take a moment to yourself, go outside if it’s not raining or too cold etc., light a candle, hold it (safely) in your hands, and be still. It doesn’t have to be exactly at midnight, but it will help your focus if it’s dark. Otherwise, go to a quiet part of the house and turn the lights down so that the candle flame is your focus. As before, think about what you’ve achieved this year, and be honest, not just negative! It’s very easy to say ‘oh I didn’t achieve anything, it all sucks, it was all awful’, when there will be tiny victories tucked away in there, I promise you, even if it was the toughest year of your life. Then think about where you are at the moment, mentally and physically. Acknowledge that state of being. Look at it with honest eyes. This moment is not for anyone else, so you don’t need to colour it one way or another. It’s for you. If you’re finding it hard not to be negative, be neutral. Let those thoughts come and go, and then turn your mind to the future. Mentally feed those negative thoughts into the flame in front of you, one at a time. Say it out loud if that helps, but do what makes you comfortable. Let the light from the flame fill your mind and your heart, and think about your intentions for the new year.  

Tonight (30th Dec) is a full moon, so if that is significant for you, you may wish to do this tonight instead of tomorrow. 

I hope that some of that gives you some inspiration, and I hope that people will chime in with their own new year’s rituals and habits. Be honest with yourself but not harsh, and be positive but not unrealistic. This year has been one hell of a ride, and we’re not done yet... Here in the UK, we’ve got the highest numbers of Covid that we’ve ever had, we’re in the harshest lock down (Tier 4) and can’t visit anyone, and we’re also going through Brexit (which is proving a nightmare for everyone, especially small businesses...).

Control the things you can control, and learn and employ systems to ride out the things that are beyond your influence. And take heart - you have a family of folks on here, all across the world!

#new year ritual #new year #resolutions #new year resolutions #rituals #ritual

[ellebi-studies]

Oh hi... Since the pre-exam weeks have started, I can not focus on my studies.. Im so scared & stressed out how am I supposed to pass all these exams..(medical student ) What would you do in such situation? So many tests and all you need is to pass them over 70%... I’m mentally done omg.. Any vitamin supplements or calm pills? Thanks

Hey, I completely understand your situation. Med school is hard, and you feel a lot of tension. Also, I guess you may feel the pressure of the expectations of your family and friends.

Remember that you are human, and failure is possible. I know it seems like failure is not admissible, but it is not real. I'll reveal you a secret: if you fail, nothing happens. I did not pass the first part of my anatomy exam on the first attempt, and I felt terrible. I felt like my worst nightmare came true. But what happened then? I prepared for the exam again, and I passed it.

Do not let the fear of failure prevail on you. Remember why you are doing it. Enjoy the process of learning and studying. Medicine is fascinating, and it is a pity to spend lots of years without savouring it because we are too busy despairing for exams.

Anyways, these are beautiful words, but I know that when you are in the middle of an exam session, it is hard to focus on the philosophical aspect. So let's come to the more practical tips to cope with anxiety.

I always try to focus rationally on my preparation. Do I perform well in exam simulations? Have I studied everything? Are my study buddies better or worse prepared than me? Did I respect my study plan? It helps me understand when I am worrying too much.

Also, it is vital to resize the problem. See friends (or make video calls with them) and find time for yourself and your hobbies. I know you do not have lots of time in this period since you have to study, but do not forget that you are a person over a medical student.

When I'm too exhausted, I like listening to relaxing music (you can find playlists on Spotify or YouTube). Meditating is good for your mind, as well (there are free apps like Headspace, which are great). Make a break and find something that unwinds you at least a little bit (I swear candles, tea and new stationery are miraculous for me). Also, writing down my fears and worries is a relief for me. It makes them organised and somehow less frightful.

As for pills, I never used any, nor I know anyone using them, so I am not very informed. I have to say I am sceptical about this topic. I guess many of them are based on the placebo effect or may have serious side effects, such as addiction. Some infusions might help (at least because they are warm, so they relax you), but I never tried.

Anyways, if you feel the need, do not hesitate to ask for support. Many universities have a psychological support system, which you may use. Do not baulk just because of social prejudices, which luckily are vanishing. There is no shame in letting someone else help you, and you do not have anything to lose.

I hope this was anyhow helpful to you. Whatever you need, feel free to contact me!

[uncloseted]

Hey! I’m the anon (and also Gay!Bama anon) who sent the asks about BPD and being rejected by that closeted guy. I guess the reason I think I have BPD is because I’m in my 20’s now, and I just have issues with perceived rejection for whatever reason. Anytime someone rejects me or something, I get really depressed and question myself a lot, or I question my worth, and it’s over things that should not be a big deal, but to me they feel like the end of the world. It’s like I have no emotional skin, if that makes sense, so everything hurts more than it would someone who is normal. It’s just so hard sometimes. I get so emotional or upset over things that there’s no need in being that upset over. I just wish I could change it, but I can’t. I feel like I’ve destroyed a lot of potential relationships and also friendships by overreacting and it makes me feel so crazy. (1/2)

(2/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I think it might be because my Dad and me always had a difficult relationship, and now that he’s gone things are really more difficult than before. I started going back to therapy and I’m about to go back to school to finish up my degree, but I just wish I could manage these feelings better. The only way I have been able to deal with them is by either numbing them with alcohol, drugs, or fulfilling them with anonymous encounters, or just cutting myself off from other people, so that way I have nothing to react to. It just really sucks because I’m so lonely all the time, but I don’t know what else to do about it other than that. I used to self harm to help me cope with my feelings, because then I could hurt myself and not hurt the people in my life by lashing out over trivial things, like irrelevant rejection or changing plans. It feels like every small thing is a seed, from which sprouts a tree of paranoia and depression.

(3/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I also have had such a hard time trying to figure out my plans for a career and goals because I’m always switching them up, because one personality trait might take the forefront, but then that could change and that influences how I feel about something or what I want to do. I just wish I could turn all of these feelings off for a while, or something, and just be like calm or something.

Hi Gay!Bama anon!  Always happy to see you in my inbox, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The fact that I know it’s you and I know you’re in your 20s changes my answer slightly.  

There are a number of symptoms that need to be present to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; rejection sensitivity is definitely one of them, but not the only one.  The DSM-5 requires five or more of the following symptoms for a BPD diagnosis:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. Generally, these are out of proportion to the event that triggered them)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (e.g., calling a friend/partner/family member several times a day during working hours and getting upset when they don’t answer)

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (e.g., frequently and suddenly changing goals, beliefs, vocational aspirations, and sexual identity, or assuming the identity of people they’re close to)

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, gambling, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, committing crimes)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"- basically, thinking a person is the best person ever, the love of your life, your best friend, someone with no faults, and then switching to thinking the person is the worst person ever, who has never cared about you, who has no redeeming qualities.  This typically results in alternating between over-involvement with the person and withdrawal from the person)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms (typically only lasting hours or days, and triggered by an external stressor.  Dissociative symptoms may include feeling like your body is unreal or altered in a strange way, feeling that the outside world is unreal, and illusions).

People with BPD will also typically have a compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people, and have intense, unstable, and conflicted relationships that are marked by mistrust and neediness.  It’s also important that these symptoms have persisted over time and across different situations.

If that doesn’t resonate with you, there are a number of other different conditions that result in being particularly sensitive to rejection, including social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, and childhood trauma are just a few things that could cause a fear of rejection.  I would talk to your therapist about this symptom and ask for help coming up with some coping mechanisms.

If all of that does sound like you, I would talk to your therapist about a possible BPD diagnosis and potentially a referral to a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy.  DBT is the most studied and effective treatment for BPD, so it’s a good place to start if that is what you’re struggling with.  In the meantime, you can learn the principles of DBT on your own and try to begin applying them to your life.

DBT combines mindfulness with techniques for distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.  Having a therapist and attend group therapy sessions are an important part of a full course DBT.  However, there are several exercises you can try at home:

Keeping a Diary

One of the easiest things you can do at home is to start tracking your behaviors.  Note any self-injurious or life threatening behaviors, behaviors which indirectly cause harm to yourself or others, and quality of life issues.  Write down any triggers you’ve noticed.

Mindfulness

There are a few different types of mindfulness exercises you can try.  Since you mentioned that you want to be able to turn your feelings off, trying meditation might be a good place to start.  There are some good apps, like Headspace and Calm, that can help you learn how to meditate and encourage you to practice meditation, and there are also a ton of videos on YouTube that do the same.

DBT encourages the concept of “radical acceptance”- the idea that one should face situations, both positive and negative, without any judgement.  Try to let go of fighting reality and accept a situation for what it is.  When you’ve accepted a situation, then you can figure out how to change it.

You can also try using “what” skills when practicing mindfulness; these are observe, describe, and participate.  They’re “what” you do when you’re practicing mindfulness. Nonjudgementally paying attention to the present moment is an important component of DBT, so the first thing you can do is observe.  Try to nonjudgementally observe your environment within and outside of yourself.  Notice the feelings you’re experiencing, and then try to let slide off of your mind.  Next, describe: express what you observed, either to someone around you or to yourself.  Try to use your five senses to put words to what you’re observing.  What can you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel?  Finally, participate: try your best to be fully focused on and involved in any activity that you’re doing.  When your mind wanders, gently pull it back to the task you’re currently doing.

Distress Tolerance

One of the goals of DBT is to help people develop the ability to calmly recognize negative situations and decide if and how to address them.  It’s important to learn how to be distressed without becoming overwhelmed or hiding from that feeling.

TIPP is one of the fastest and most popular distress tolerance skills, since it alleviates distress quickly.  Tip the temperature of your face by splashing it with very cold water, intensely exercise for 20 minutes, do paced breathing- breathe in for four seconds and our for six to eight seconds, and then do progressive muscle relaxation- starting from the top of your body, tense and relax each muscle group until you get to your toes.

You can also distract yourself from unpleasant emotions using ACCEPTS.  Engage in activities that you enjoy, contribute by helping others, compare yourself to people who are less fortunate or how you used to be when you were in a worse state, evoke a different emotion by putting on a happy song or watching a comedy special, push away your situation in your mind, and put something else first by thinking about something else, and finally, create sensations that are intense, such as holding an ice cube or eating spicy food.

Another thing you can try when you’re in distress is to IMPROVE the moment.  Imagine relaxing scenes, things going well, or other pleasing scenarios, find meaning in what you’re feeling, pray, if you’re religious, relax your muscles using the progressive muscle relaxation we talked about above, do one thing at a time, and focus all your attention on it, vacation if you can (by taking a break from the situation), and encourage yourself.  Tell yourself it’s possible to make it through your current situation and cope with it.  You can be your own best cheerleader.

Emotional Regulation

Since people who have BPD frequently have intense emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to regulate those emotions.

First, try identifying and labeling your emotions.  Tune in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re feeling.  Is it anger? Fear? Sadness?  Then, you can try to change unwanted emotions using opposite-reactions.  With opposite-reactions, you do the opposite of the urge you’re feeling in the moment.  For example, if you want to isolate yourself, instead, reach out to a friend.  

Fact-checking is also an important technique- ask yourself, “do the facts warrant the intensity of the response I’m feeling?”  Then ask yourself, “what is the event prompting my emotion,” “what are my interpretations and assumptions about the event, and are those true?”, “am I assuming a threat? How likely is it to actually occur?”, “what’s the disaster? How can I cope well with it?”, and “does my emotion or intensity fit the facts?”  There’s a sample fact-checking worksheet that you can find here: http://edencounseling.com/resources/dbt-emotional-regulation-group-4-handouts.pdf

If your facts are correct and the situation is the problem, then you can problem solve.  First, identify your goal in solving the problem- what needs to happen for you to be okay, and what’s reasonable?  Then, brainstorm as many solutions as you can come up with, without being critical of your ideas. Choose a solution that fits your goal and is likely to work, using a pro/con list to decide if necessary. Act on your decision, and then evaluate if it worked.  If it didn’t work, go back to the “choose” stage and pick a different solution to try.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for people with DBT, so it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need, how to say no, and how to cope with interpersonal conflicts.  There are three techniques in this module: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

The DEAR MAN technique focuses on conveying your needs to someone else. Start by describing your situation using specific, fact-based statements about a recent situation.  Then express the emotions experienced when the situation occurred, why the situation was a problem, and how you feel about it. Assert yourself by clearly and specifically requesting the behavior change you would like. Reinforce your position by explaining to the person what the positive impacts of changing their behavior might be for them. Mindfully focus on the situation, without seeking validation, and redirect the conversation back to your main point when it seems to be diverting. Appear confident and assertive, even if you’re not feeling confident or assertive. Finally, negotiate with the person to come to a compromise that both parties are happy with.

The GIVE tool focuses on relationship maintenance, whether that’s with friends, family, co-workers, or romantic partners.  It is used in conversations. Use gentle language, free of put-downs, sarcasm, or judgement, even as a joke. Be as interested as you can in what the other person is saying.  Give them your undivided attention by making eye contact and asking questions.  Really listen to them, don’t just wait your turn to talk. Validate their situation, either through words, body language, or facial expressions.  Often, people just want to be heard and for someone to understand what they’re going through. Finally, try to adopt an easy manner: do your best to appear calm and comfortable during the conversation.  Use friendly humor and smile.

The FAST skill focuses on maintaining your self-respect.  Be fair to yourself and to the person you’re talking to. Don’t apologize more than once, and only apologize for things that are your fault.  Stick to your values- determine what you believe and stand by it, without letting other people sway your decisions. Lastly, be truthful. Lying can only damage relationships and reduce the respect you have for yourself.

I know that’s a ton of stuff I’ve just thrown at you, so if you’re still with me, thank you!  You don’t have to adopt all of these skills at once or even at all.  Getting good at just one or two of them will improve your life.  A therapist will be able to help you practice these different skills so that when you need them, they’re already in your mind.  Good luck!  I hope you get the support you need and that things start looking up for you soon.

#DBT #borderline personality disorder #BPD #dialectical behavioral therapy #Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated

Chapter 1

When Jiang Cheng opens the window in the morning, crisp, cold air hits his face. The leaves on the tree in the courtyard of the apartment complex are turning colours.

When did that happen? When did summer end?

It’s a new semester, a new season, and Wei Wuxian still hasn’t returned. Hasn’t called, hasn’t messaged. Jiang Cheng had thought… had hoped…

He should’ve known better.

The wind picks up and raises goosebumps on his skin. A leaf, dark red, is torn from a branch and flutters through the air.

He used to like autumn.

Jiang Yanli was spring, Wei Wuxian was summer, Jiang Cheng was autumn. Winter was them together, because it was cold and they had to stick close.

Jiang Cheng scoffs and closes the window. There’s no use in remembering or hoping. He has work to do anyway.

He makes himself an unsatisfying breakfast that consists of instant coffee and - oh, there isn’t really anything else. Of course the fridge is fucking empty.

He goes jogging, but he’s hungry and it’s cold and he hates jogging.

He takes a shower, but the water is either too hot or too cold.

When he sits down at his desk and opens his writing program, it doesn’t fucking work. Because of course not.

Error #234871FUCKYOUJIANGCHENG

“I don’t even know what that means, I’m not a fucking COMPUTER SCIENTIST!”

Like some people. Some people, who betrayed and abandoned him and moved in with some random-ass people to look after a random-ass child for no good reason and left him all alone. Now he has no one to share his meals with, so there’s no point in making sure his fridge is full, and no one who also hates jogging, so they can suffer together, and no one to fucking help him with fucking computer issues and this is all fucking bullshit.

Jiang Cheng slams his laptop shut.

Fuck you, Wei Wuxian. This is all your fault.

Another headache creeps up his temples. He’s already completely done with this day. At 9:37 AM. Fuck. He has a fucking essay to write about some bullshit topic he doesn’t care about, but how is he supposed to do that when his laptop hates him as much as everyone else does and his head feels as though it’s splitting apart?

His phone rings, and the sound feels like someone is applying a power drill to his brain. And of course it’s not on his desk but far away on the counter. Because nothing in his life can ever be easy or convenient, oh no. He stretches his arm and then his whole upper body to try to grab it from the counter without having to get up from his desk and then there’s a TWINGE and oh no, that’s not good. His shoulder feels as though it’s on fire and… yep, he can’t fucking move his head.

FUCK. FUCKING FUCK SHIT BALLS CRAP FUCK SHIT. FUUUUUUUUCK.

And his phone keeps ringing.

Everyone ignores him for DAYS but NOW when he’s literally DYING and can’t reach his phone, they want to talk to him.

He gets up, ignores the pain shooting down his right arm, carefully shuffles towards the counter, and answers the phone with his left hand.

“WHAT?”

“A-Cheng?”

It’s his sister. Jiang Cheng’s stress levels automatically lower by about 13% as soon as he hears her voice.

“Jiejie, hey. Sorry, I just…” He switches his phone to the other hand and then gets a painful reminder that this side is fucked. “Fuck, ow.”

“A-Cheng? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing! I just... pulled a muscle or something.” He sits down again and bites his lip to suppress a wail of agony. “Why did you call, Jiejie?”

He can basically hear Jiang Yanli’s gentle, slightly concerned, smile through the phone. “Ah, then I’m calling just at the right time. You’ve been struggling with tension for a while now and as you know, your birthday is coming up and -”

“Don’t remind me. That’s still over a month away. And I’m not struggling!”

“- and I have the perfect gift for you. You don’t have to wait until November to do it either. And I think it would be so good for you, A-Cheng, especially now with your pulled muscle.”

“And what exactly is ‘it’?”

“Do you remember Lan Xichen? He’s a friend of Nie Mingjue, and his uncle is Lan Qiren. I think we met him a few times during one of those large business-people dinners we used to get invited to, when father…”

Was still alive.

“I don’t remember anyone I met there, because I was bored out of my mind.” Because Wei Wuxian wasn’t invited to those. And because they were fucking boring. “What does this have to do with my mysterious birthday present anyway?”

“Ah, well, it turns out he works as a physical therapist and I guess you could call him a sort of life coach. Massages, yoga, meditation, physical therapy. He has his own little studio in his apartment, so it’s very private and intimate, and he spends a lot of time with every client, it’s not just a twenty minute massage and then you’re done.”

His sister speaks with rare urgency and Jiang Cheng feels a little bewildered by having this just thrown at him. “So, you want me to-”

“I met him recently, such a lovely man, and asked him whether he had time to take on another client, and he does! So I booked you ten sessions and the first one is Thursday, 5 p.m. We were going to meet that afternoon, so I know you have time, and we can just reschedule our meeting!”

“Jiejie! Ten sessions… I don’t… I’m not a massage person! I don’t want some stranger touching me!” This is all really very sudden, so of course his first instinct is to say no.

His sister, of course, is used to that, and expected it. So she laughs softly and continues convincing him. “Ah, but he’s not a stranger, he’s Nie Mingjue’s best friend and as I said, I met him recently - he’s very kind and sweet and he doesn’t just do massages. I’m sure he’ll be willing to listen to what you’re comfortable with and figure out what’s best for you. A-Cheng, why don’t you just go to the first meeting and see what happens, hm? It’s my present for you.”

As if he could ever actually say no to his sister. Nobody can.

“Alright, alright. But if it’s not my thing, you’ll use the rest of the sessions, okay? I could watch A-Ling while you go get pampered a little.” His sister deserves this much more than he does anyway. Not that she would agree with that.

“Just go and meet with Lan Xichen first, before deciding that it’s not for you.” She’s using her stern voice, oh no.

“I will! I’m just saying!”

“Alright. Let me know how it goes then.”

“I will.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

“Good. Remember to drink tea or water, too, not just coffee.”

“Yes, Jiejie.”

“And-”

“I’ll call you after I’ve met with Lan Xichen,” Jiang Cheng interrupts, before she can shower him with even more care. “And thank you. I… could probably use some… relaxation.”

“Great! I’ll text you the address in a bit.”

They chat a bit more about A-Ling and what shenanigans he gets up to now that he can walk, and when Jiang Cheng ends the call a while later, his mood has significantly improved.

His phone makes a noise again. He looks at the screen, expecting a text from his sister with Lan Xichen’s address, but... Fuck. He unlocks the screen and stares at his daily Wei Wuxian selfie. Today he’s wearing a bathrobe so fluffy, it seems to swallow him, and he’s making… duck lips. Jiang Cheng’s mood plummets to the ground.

Why can’t he delete this stupid alarm or app or whatever his brother has infested his phone with? Why doesn’t he just change his fucking number, get a new phone? Why does Wei Wuxian keep up this nonsense, even though he’s obviously not interested in being in contact with Jiang Cheng anymore? Why torment him with these little glimpses into a life that he lives without his brother? The selfies don’t arrive at a set time every day and it’s a new one every time, so it’s pretty safe to say, Wei Wuxian takes them and sends them himself every day. They used to arrive between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m., but recently he sometimes gets them as early as 9 a.m. On one shocking occasion it was 6:45 a.m., though Wei Wuxian did look very sleepy. Since when does Wei Wuxian get up that early?

He also seems to be spending a lot of time at a place that is not the flat he moved into with the Wens. Not that Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time analyzing the background of the pictures. Because he does not care what Wei Wuxian gets up to. Wei Wuxian does not care about him anymore either, beyond annoying him like this.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head to make his brain stop thinking about useless things. Immediately, pain shoots down his arm, burns in his neck.

Fuck.

Maybe he should just go back to bed. Clearly getting up was a mistake.

Thursday

Lan Xichen lives on the outskirts of the city. Not quite the suburbs, but in one of those areas where rich people enjoy having a garden, or at least a balcony, and less busy streets, while the city centre is still only a few subway stops away. The kind of area where his own family once lived.

Jiang Cheng checks the house number again and rushes towards the building, wrapping his jacket closer around him. It is colder now, he’s known this and yet didn’t take that into account when getting dressed.

He enters the building, takes the elevator to the 2nd floor, finds the right door and rings the doorbell.

He doesn’t have to wait long until Lan Xichen opens him.

Oh.

“A-Sang… who… who is that next to your brother?”

“Huh? Aaah, that’s Lan Xichen. Da-ge’s best friend. Why do you ask?”

“No reason!”

“Oooooh, I see.”

“Shut up!”

“Well, now I finally know your type, Cheng-Cheng. You’re into impossibly beautiful people who you’re too scared to talk to.”

“I said shut up! I just asked who it was!”

“First Wen Qing, now Xichen-ge… But don’t worry, he’s super nice. Now, his brother on the other hand… So hot, but-“

“I’m leaving!”

Fuck.

“Hello! You must be Jiang Wanyin.”

Lan Xichen smiles at him and yep, yep, Huaisang was right, impossibly beautiful. Fuck.

Oh shit, he still hasn’t said anything.

“Ah yes, that’s me. Hello. Nice to meet you.” Jiang Cheng couldn’t be more awkward if he tried. Except he can, because then he bows, way too low.

Lan Xichen seems to be too polite to laugh at him, but his eyes sparkle as though he wants to, while he invites Jiang Cheng inside.

The apartment is large and bright and… full of plants. Lan Xichen leads him into the living room, where a pot of tea and two mugs are waiting for them on the coffee table. Jiang Cheng sits down on a very comfortable chair, next to a large houseplant with beautiful green and red leaves. All in all, the surroundings help him feel way more relaxed than what would be appropriate for the situation. The situation being: Sitting across from the man Jiang Cheng has seen maybe three times, back when he was 17, from afar, and whom he used to spend quite some time thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. More than three times. The same man who is supposed to give him a massage.

“Is tea alright? Would you prefer something else?”

“Tea is lovely, thank you.” Jiang Cheng hurries to take a sip and hopefully smiles instead of grimacing.

Lan Xichen picks up a notebook and a pen, rests it on his legs, then takes a deep breath. Despite his gentle smile, and the soothing smell of jasmine tea, and the literal urban jungle he’s sitting in, Jiang Cheng thinks he can pick up a hint of nervousness from Lan Xichen. But no, he must be imagining it.

Lan Xichen opens his notebook and looks at Jiang Cheng. “So, your sister already told me that you’ve been dealing with a little tension and stress. If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to ask you a few questions and make myself an overview of where you hold your tension and how it affects you, so we can think about how to best help you.”

Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods.

“This is only a preliminary meeting, so I already know how to best proceed, once we start our sessions.”

Lan Xichen asks him a few questions about his daily schedule (repetitive), whether he does any exercise (yes, well, sort of, sometimes), is he sleeping well (eeh), does he often have headaches (yes), and so on. Jiang Cheng answers as best as he can, and even though Lan Xichen shows no judgment at all, it is mortifying for him. His life is a mess and clearly he’s responsible for all of it. Why doesn’t he do more exercise? If he has headaches all the time, he should be doing something about that!

“Mhm, have you ever tried Yoga before?”

“No.”

“Can you touch your toes?”

“I don’t know? Why would I need to touch my toes?!” Jiang Cheng regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth but Lan Xichen only looks amused.

“Excellent question.” Lan Xichen puts the notepad he’s been using back down on the table and stands up. “Would it be okay if I touch your neck and shoulders to have a closer look at your tension?”

“Yes, yes. That’s alright. Sure.” Jiang Cheng puts down the mug and rests his hands on his knees, trying to project that he’s totally casual and relaxed and that he never spent even a minute wondering how those hands might feel on his skin. Why do these things happen to him? Why can’t he even nurse a schoolboy crush for a few months and then forget about it without suffering consequences???

Lan Xichen’s hands are warm, but not too warm. Perfect temperature for being touched, really. His fingers are long and smooth and it feels really good, the way they’re digging into his muscles and-

“Fuck!”

“Sorry. Looks like I found a sore spot.” Lan Xichen strokes his fingers in a soothing apology over the spot and that’s almost worse, because it feels really good.

“I, uhm, apologise for the… rude language.”

“Oh, haha, I’ve heard worse from clients. No need to hold back, I’m of the opinion that it can be beneficial to find release.”

“Right.” This is like one of Jiang Cheng’s dreams that starts out beautiful and turns into a horrible nightmare halfway through. Will he make it through this without horribly embarrassing himself even further and/or offending Lan Xichen in the process?

“You’re really... “ Lan Xichen runs his hands up Jiang Cheng’s neck and slightly presses his thumbs into a spot between his ear and his jaw. Jiang Cheng groans. “You’re very tense. In a lot of places. Do you grind your teeth at night? Or clench them?”

“Maybe?”

Lan Xichen rests his hands on Jiang Cheng’s shoulders for a second, then sits down opposite of him again. Jiang Cheng immediately misses the warmth of his hands, which is ridiculous and he needs to get a grip.

“Alright, well, I think for the beginning we will be focusing on relaxing and loosening your muscles. So, massage, thermotherapy, some gentle stretches. I’ll also help you find things you can do at home to destress and relieve tension. Does that sound good?”

“Uhm, yes. It does.” Jiang Cheng kind of tuned out after Lan Xichen said ‘massage’, because… He has this dreadful feeling his schoolboy crush never went away and instead just laid dormant until right now. Which is so fucking inconvenient, of course it’s happening to Jiang Cheng. “Thank you, Lan-ge… uhm… Lan Xichen.”

How should he address him? Apparently, he’s sort of a family friend (Where and why did Jiejie even meet him? Why didn’t he ask?) but now he’s also taking care of Jiang Cheng in a professional, sort of medical sense...

Lan Xichen is, of course, not oblivious to his discomfort, but smiles and pours him some more tea. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. Laoshi is fine, too.”

Lan Xichen then goes through a few formalities with him. He informs him he’s being paid per session, not by the hour, so they’ll never have to hurry. They exchange phone numbers, in case someone needs to reschedule or Lan Xichen wants to send him some exercises or something. Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods and agrees. When Lan Xichen proposes they have the first session tomorrow afternoon, Jiang Cheng smiles and nods, too.

After, Lan Xichen escorts him to the door, wishes him a lovely evening, says he’s looking forward to their sessions and Jiang Cheng should remember to wear something comfortable. When he smiles again, Jiang Cheng almost walks into the door.

As soon as Jiang Cheng arrives home, he calls his sister.

“A-Cheng! How was it?”

“Uhm, fine, but that’s not why-”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“I… what? Why… why would you bring that up?” Jiang Cheng gives his phone a side-eye, even though his sister can’t see it.

“Well, it’s impossible to not notice. And he has such a lovely personality, too.” Jiang Yanli says this as casually as though she’s talking about the weather.

“Yes… I guess.” While both of those things are true, it’s unlike his sister to bring it up. Or at least, to bring it up so quickly and directly. “Jiejie, how do you know Lan Xichen again? Where did you meet?”

“Oh… he came over for tea recently.”

“And why did he do that?”

“Because I invited him.”

Well, his sister clearly is keeping something from him, something connected to his old-new crush and physical therapist and Jiang Cheng hates not being in the know when other people are clearly keeping secrets from him.

“How did you meet him? Why did you invite him? Why do you not want to tell me?”

“A-Cheng…”

Oh, of course. “Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Yanli sighs audibly, probably frowning in the way she always does when they skirt around the topic of him and Wei Wuxian not talking. “Yes. Lan Xichen is-”

“I don’t want to know!” Of course this has something to do with Wei Wuxian. Because he can’t have anything in his life without Wei Wuxian. Are they… they’re not dating or anything, right? That would just be… actually that would be fucking typical.

“Jiang Cheng!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Is his sister… getting cross with him???

“I just… he misses you.”

“Yeah? I don’t see any evidence of that!” His headache is back with a vengeance.

“Because you’re not looking. Because you’ve convinced yourself he doesn’t!” It’s rare for Jiang Yanli to raise her voice, and compared to Jiang Cheng, she still sounds gentle. But he can hear her frustration, hear how tiring this is for her, and… He sometimes forgets he and Wei Wuxian aren’t the only people who are involved in this. Who suffer.

“Then why doesn’t he call me? He obviously still has my number!”

“Why don’t you call him?”

Because he doesn’t want to call someone who doesn’t want him. Because he doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to come back because he feels pity or obligation. Because he’s scared Wei Wuxian would still not come back.

“He’s the one who left.”

“It’s been over a year. Can’t you… I’m so tired of holding louder than normal conversations with my husband in the kitchen while one of you is in the living room, so you know the other is okay without actually asking for it.”

“A-jie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I… It’s just… “ Great, now Jiang Cheng feels mad at Wei Wuxian, guilty for upsetting his sister, who should never be upset, and sad… because he misses his stupid brother, doesn’t he.

“I can’t force either of you to make the first step, but… you’re both suffering. A-Cheng, I just want you both to be happy.” Now she just sounds resigned. Fuck.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll think about it. I promise.” If only because his sister deserves better than this - being stuck in the middle between them.

“Thank you. I love you, A-Cheng.”

“… Love you, too.”

“Now, tell me about your meeting today. Did you already get a massage?”

Right. Lan Xichen. “Jiejie… is Wei Wuxian dating Lan Xichen?”

Jiang Yanli laughs. “No. No, no. He’s dating his brother. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying! Just… wanted to know how you met.”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Stop asking that! That’s not why I… you know what, I have to go. I have… university… stuff. Talk to you later!”

“Bye!”

He can hear his sister still laughing when he ends the call. Mortifying. Why did he have to ask?

Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother… That’s… Why is the world so fucking tiny? He couldn’t have picked anyone else?

Not that it matters. It’s not like Jiang Cheng was ever gonna do anything about… Lan Xichen is attractive and nice and lovely, which is simply a fact. Like his sister said, it’s impossible to not notice. Doesn’t have to mean anything. Jiang Cheng will only concentrate on… being less tense and maybe having fewer headaches.

And maybe… thinking… about… contacting Wei Wuxian…

“He misses you.”

Jiang Cheng is not convinced.

But…

#Xicheng #mdzs #cql #the untamed #Jiang Cheng #Lan Xichen #Jiang Cheng/Lan Xichen #background Wangxian #Modern AU #angst but not too angsty #they're also very soft #betty drabbles #To Meet You verse

[weddingtwinklesblog]

Ways to deal with wedding stress

Life is already stressful enough, and adding wedding worry to the mix doesn't help! When the wedding planning becomes too much for you and you need a break, try one of these mentioned stress-relieving wedding ideas! RELAX YOUR MIND... Meditation has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and improve self-awareness, all of which are crucial factors to consider when planning a wedding! If you don't want to take a meditation class (we understand!), you can use an app that will walk you through the process. Calm, Headspace, and The Mindfulness App are all excellent starting points! NETFLIX & CHILL... Do you find yourself thinking about your wedding on a regular basis? It's possible! If this is the case, it's time to unplug. Put on a plush robe, curl up on the couch with a glass of wine, and watch your favorite Netflix series. It's critical to set aside time to unwind and do something enjoyable. PS out of all your worries about wedding vendors, we got your back on best wedding photographer - Check out wedding twinkles. SUNNY AND BRIGHT... So you work all day, then come home and plan your wedding on your laptop...do you remember what the sun looks like? It's all too easy to forget to step outside and take in the sun's rays. The vitamin D boost will benefit your overall health and is a fun way to take a break!! MANY THANKS, NEXT... If you're fully overwhelmed, it's important to take a step back and sketch out your options. Writing a checklist might help you reorganize your thoughts and feel more organized. It's simple, effective, and it means you'll be able to get through your list quickly. Finding the best wedding photographer for your big day? CHECK! IT'S TIME FOR A DATE... Go on a date and get out of your brain! A date could be with your significant other, a female friend, or even yourself! Go to a coffee shop or eat out...the possibilities are unlimited!!! You can ask your best wedding photographer to click some of your couple pictures on date, before your big day! ENDORPHINS ARE HAPPY TO MAKE YOU HAPPY... "Exercise releases endorphins, which make you feel good..." Thank you, Elle Woods, for teaching us such an important lesson. Endorphins DO make you joyful, which is why exercising on a regular basis is so vital. Schedule some exercise into your day if you're feeling extra stressed out from all of the wedding planning! Anything will do: a walk, a run, a go to the gym... TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF... This isn't for everyone, but skincare and pampering are really calming for many of us! Take out your favorite face mask and give your skin some TLC. Not only will your skin appreciate you, but you'll feel like a new person as a result of your self-care! Our parents constantly stressed the need of sleep to us as children. We completely got it now! It is critical to have a decent night's sleep. Make sure you get a good quantity every night, and spend at least an hour without your phone before turning out the light! Take a snooze if you're feeling extremely stressed one day. Listen to your body when it tells you that you need to sleep. TAKE A BREAK... Put your phone away! It's all too easy to become addicted to your phone, and we'll be the first to admit that going an hour without it is difficult. It's critical to disconnect from screens and reconnect with the world. This will not only help you relax, but it will also benefit your eyes and sleep habits! BOOKWORM... Have you been meaning to read a book for a long time but can't seem to find the time? So, set aside some time! Reading a fantastic book to escape from regular life and wedding stress is the ideal approach to go to another planet. Try to give yourself a brief reading window every day if you can! MAYBE A GAME NIGHT... Get the whole family together for a gaming night! This is a fantastic way to unwind, relax, and have some fun! Our only advice is to stay away from Monopoly if you find yourself in a room full of competitive players! COOK OFF... This one comes with two bonuses! Baking or cooking may be highly soothing for many people and can help them relax. What's the benefit? There will be food at the end of it! Still, don't go overboard, and if you can, try to cook something wholesome and nutritious!

  Be Aware of Your Anxiety.

This is a strategy I utilized a lot for my own wedding day, and while it's more of a Band-Aid than a solution, it'll come in handy if you're prone to panic attacks. Anticipate the times of day when you're most likely to experience anxiety and either avoid them or find strategies to make them more tolerable. Nerves are natural, whether it's a room full of people on your wedding day, the prospect of your first dance, or the prospect of giving a speech, but if you fear these moments will stain your day (or worry you out in the lead-up), find ways to skip them.

You're a Slamming' Hattie, I'm Sure!

You're stunning. It's stunning. Your hair is gorgeous. I enjoy the way you look. Your upper arms, brows, and teeth are all 'wedding ready,' you hear? Another source of stress for both brides and grooms is their appearance on their wedding day. We're all for pampering ourselves and doing whatever we need to feel our best (double those false lashes, please!), but you don't have to be concerned about your body, complexion, or hair. We have yet to witness a couple that did not appear to be worth a million dollars as they walked down the aisle. There's something about that glistening wedding day shine that makes everyone look like a total babe!

If you're in doubt, gaze in the mirror and say to yourself ten times, "I am gorgeous." You'll start to believe it, I promise! And when you'll see the work of your best wedding photographer, you'll know how beautiful you are!

#best wedding photographer #wedding photography #best wedding venues in delhi #wedding places in delhi #wedding #wedding photographer

[culturedsociety]

Culture Talks with Carolyn Blackmon

Carolyn, in English meaning Joy and Song of Happiness.

Over the last decade she’s been on a journey of healing and transformation. It’s been Incredible to look back and see how beauty does actually flourish through the ashes. What happened in her life; most definitely was birthed out of struggles, hardships, loss, depression, despair, and hopelessness. Looking back at her experiences and being In complete awe because of it. Her faith and belief in God changed when she realized that “the Creator Is ultimately in control and has the ability to take what Is broken and make It brand new.”

Her life verse Is Isaiah 61:1-3 “The spirit of the sovereign Lord Is upon me because the Lord has appointed me to provide for those who grieve, to bestow on them a crown of beauty Instead of ashes, the oil of gladness Instead of mourning, and a garment of praise Instead a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the lord for the display of his splendor.”

In her early twenties, she was extremely lost. Battling a severe eating disorder, alcoholism, depression, and sadness. She worked and pursued many things to distract herself from reality and to try to fill voids. The more destruction that she caused to her body, mind, and spirit’ the harder life became. One day after a big awakening, she had to make the choice and ask herself the hard question “Carolyn Do you want to live?” She knew at that very moment; she was not living, she was just surviving. 

She made the bold decision to pack her car and move alone from WI to AZ. The land of the sun became a place of healing for her. She found yoga there. She began her vegan plant based eating, and learned to nourish her body again after starving it for so long of vital nutrients it needed to thrive. She found joy through volunteering and serving. She found god again and was re-baptized. But most importantly, found her self again.

Reflecting back to Fall of 2015 when she lost her best friend and mother to Cancer. It was as though her entire world and perspective changed about the value and gift that each day offers. She started to travel more and continued doing mission work that her mother supported the few years before she passed. She began seeking more and wanting more lead to healing the parts of her that were still broken.

In 2017, she traveled to Hawaii for her first yoga teacher training; which led her to step into a more passion and purposed filled path. This became a daily mission and allowed her the ability to circulate her gifts more responsibly. Her hope is to bless lives and help others heal, love, grow, and live their best life. To inspire them to live a life that brings an Abundance of joy, fulfillment, and higher purpose.

Take a deep dive into Carolyn’s mind:

RM: What is your Life’s Philosophy? CB: (Philosophy is an overall vision or attitude toward life and the purpose of it. Human activities are limited by time and death). I believe that we were all created in the image of God and we are each placed on Earth with our own individual and unique purpose. We are here to connect with nature, humans, animals, and to enjoy all of what God has created. We are here to not only soak in the beauty and light and spread it to others but to also use the darkness (whether it be our own struggles, lessons learned, trails, pain, suffering, etc) and use it to Glorify God? What does that mean? To use the wisdom gained, lessons learned, and the power of our testimony and story to shine the light of awareness upon all giving birth to Hope and helping others receive the healing power of Forgiveness.

RM: How has that philosophy evolved over the years? CB: Yes. I tell people that there was a line I drew that separated my old life and my new life. My old life included a long season of walking down the wrong path that ultimately was leading me down into hole. When I fell on my knees and surrendered and “woke” up. It hit me that I wasn’t living the life God planned for me. I was doing many things that I do believe helped me grow and get educated and led me to where I am today. I was drowning in depression, shame, low self esteem, and I didn’t practice self love.

Moving to AZ was the acceleration I needed to begin my rebirth process. I began serving others and finding joy in giving back for it made me realize that others had it harder than myself. I had a lot to be grateful for that I took for granted. Fast forward a few more years and I lost my Beloved Mother to Cancer. It made me realize that there is no time to waste. We are not promised tomorrow. We have a responsibility. Going through that loss changed my perspective on life and our time here on Earth.

I felt urgency. I felt my calling knocking on the door. I had to loose to gain so much more. I feel that my philosophy included being a good person, and working for what you want was so general….but over the years it’s evolved and things have been added and my life’s philosophy has gotten so complex. Creation. Calling. Service. Travel. Community. Collaboration. Healing. Purpose Filled Life

RM: How has your upbringing and circle of influence impacted the way you live and think about life today? CB: I grew up in a loving Christian home. My family members on both sides had good morals in their and the way they lived their lives was simple and consistent. I spent a lot of time in the Church. My parents Marketing business taught me so much as a young adult and I really absorbed a lot of it. My Grandpa Bood was my giver of Wisdom.

My circle of influence has really shifted in the last few years to be non-family members. Those that are where I want to be and who are doing what I am doing in their own way with their own talents. My circle of influence has been students, strangers, people I have met on travels, social media, and those that are in my tribe. It’s interesting to see how my relationships have changed and the type of people I have attracted and also been gravitated towards has changed as I have evolved and transformed and grown. My inner work has changed the way I function in relationships and I am still exploring how to have healthy boundaries as one who tends to be naïve, vulnerable, and who pours her heart and soul into everything.

RM: Do you believe that your line of work infects our society with positivity? How so? CB: When I am doing my work as a yoga instructor I try my best to step into the spaces where I am Leading classes and spread good energy that is uplifting and positive but I also know that people arrive on their mat with all different things that they are struggling with and going through and I never want to diminish that. I try to share themes that are relevant and helpful and inspiring because I really want everyone who interacts with me to leave with something that they can take with them. When they gain and grow and are blessed then so am I.

When I nanny and work with kids they give me an abundance of Joy and so I always try to pour back into the parents and thank them for the opportunity to enter into their home and spend time with them. I’ve worked jobs where felt like at the end of the day I was complaining about what I had to deal with or contend with and then I would wake up in a bad mood and that’s really a horrible cycle. I am thankful grateful that I am now an Independent Contractor and get to choose who I work with so that makes it easier but aside from that we all have a choice to make in regards to our attitude!

RM: How do you stay relevant, unique, and true to who you are as a person? CB: Let go of Comparison. It’s interesting because over the years as I became more at rest and confident in who I was and accepting of who God created me to be it made it easier to accept my path which is a lot different than many as well as accept my timeline which was not what I anticipated. I have started to become more of my own person….my tendencies and quirks have come to the surface unapologetically. Yes I am still Single…Yes I get excited over the Big Bowl Of Greens I eat everyday. My music selection changes drastically with my Mood. I could care less about TV and Material items….and I could go on and on.

The morning ritual I do sets the tone for my day. I tap into a passage or quote and scripture that I need to tell myself it’s like a treasure hunt and I get my coffee fix and take the time I need for myself and that way I’m more grounded and not shaken up or swayed or torn up by whatever may come at me and I feel that has given me the opportunity to respond better and hold my ground and keep healthy boundaries. I use to operate on not enough sleep and being stressed and hurried and then I would cave in to many things that ultimately didn’t serve myself or others well.

RM: Do you believe that the work you do everyday is aligned with your calling and higher purpose? CB: Absolutely and I want more and I am committed to continue to learn and grow and gain a deeper understanding and have more knowledge in the realm of yoga. The more spaces and places I enter and the more people that I connect and collaborate with the more lives I can touch and the more inspired I will be. This last year I started to share my content on a podcast and that was something I never imagined I would do and for a girl that use to be incredibly shy I never thought I would be on the stages I am on. It blows my mind and I am soooo appreciative.

What practices do you implement to stay grounded and divinely connected to self? CB: Guided Meditation. Yoga Nidra. Yoga. Nature. Travel. Writing. Music. Sharing wisdom with the world. Dancing. Music. Balance Healthy Clean Eating. Sharing Feelings and openly communicating with my support system. Spending a lot of time alone, while remaining connected with others.

Connect with Carolyn: Facebook Instagram

Collaboratively Written by: Carolyn Blackmon and Rebecca Muñoz

Grow this Channel & Circulate the energy of LOVE by donating: Paypal Cash app Venmo

#podcast #veganism #freedom #lifestyle #conversation #nomad #alignment #humanitarian #goodhumans #faith #mindset #empower #womeninspire

[werebearish]

NaNoWriMo 2020 tag meme

Okay so I saw this video on youtube and decided to answer these questions here. 

1. What are you working on for NaNoWriMo this year?

It’s NaNoAMO again! I’m working on continuing my WIP longfic amo (amas, amamus. I’d like to say “finish” but imho it’s more important that I’m working consistently and making progress at all, so we’ll just say “continue” for now. 

2. What apps do you use to help you write and stay motivated?

Apps and sites that are helpful for me with writing, either directly or indirectly: 

Google docs and Scrivener apps — processing the words, yup yup. 

Calm app — a meditation app. This helps me settle my racing brain. 

Atmosphere — a simple ambient sound app that I really like. It has a nice basic interface and you can make mixes of five or six sounds; it’s simple enough that I can throw them together on the fly, and you can also save them. 

Ambient Mixer — an app (and site) that is less simple, but can be fun to explore and find or find-and-tweak or create some good mixes. I do NOT do this one on the fly — it’s too easy to get sucked in. 

Music playlist — great for signaling my brain that it’s time to work on the thing. Sometimes I have to turn it off after a while because I need more quiet, but that’s okay. 

Basic timer app — I don’t have a particular one I prefer, usually just my phone one. Sometimes I might mix it up by using an hourglass. I find that if I set it for more than 20 minutes I often lose focus, so I usually stick with that. I also try to make myself take five minute breaks every 2 or 3 sprints, which is hard to do, but usually helpful. 

4thewords.com — this is a gamified writing site, and I do have a lot of fun with the smaller wordcount monsters. It isn’t free, but I enjoy it a lot and use it every day. 

I will also mention Fighter’s Block — https://cerey.github.io/fighters-block/ — which is a very very simple version of racing/fighting a monster via wordcount, but this one is free. (I’m not sure if this plays well with mobile right now, and you might have to poke around to get it to work. Be sure to copy and paste your words into your preferred program after you write them!!) 

3. Where do you like to write and what’s your favorite writing spot?

Sometimes I like to write lying down in bed with my tablet, but honestly it’s not usually very productive. Even if it weren’t coronatime, I don’t live near any coffee shops or anything. There’s the library (well, normally), but then I get distracted by the books. Occasionally I will mix it up by curling up on the couch with a notebook and pen, but honestly, for me, my desk is best. I have a good chair, which is way better for my back and neck. I also have a little space heater, which is motivating on cold days. 

4. What are your writing space must-haves? (i.e. candles, pillows, fave notebook, etc)

Right now on my desk (besides some cluttery nonsense), I have: 

Folder with notes, timeline and calendars 

Bee balm lotion/ointment — I love it 

Lip balm

Post it notes — essential, mostly for noting “what to start with tomorrow”  

Process notebook and scratch paper notebook 

Beeswax candles — a pillar that has been STRUGGLING, and the votive that I just got out because I was tired of wrestling with the pillar 

A basket of AMO-related treasures, including: Simon and Baz plushies that I made, Red plush dragon, Watford scarf, star scarf, Lavender honey lotion, Chocolate mints, Baz candle, Snowbaz art cards, Printout of the comic of the first chapter 

5. What are your favorite drinks and snacks to have when writing?

I like to have water and/or Snowbaz tea available. I’m not much for snacks during, but this time I DO have some thematically appropriate Andes chocolate mints. (Simon and Baz actually like mint Aeros, but those are large and hard to find around here, and I like Andes better, so.) I usually have one right at the beginning of a writing session, and maybe one at the end, if it’s been a couple hours. 

6. What are your favorite writing distractions? (i.e. pets, tv shows, etc)

I like to take breaks to play harp or kalimba. Naps? 

7. What are your favorite ways to get back on track?

Making tea, taking some breaths or doing a meditation in my favorite app, possibly doing some stretching with a tai chi app that I have. Starting my playlist or focusing on a candle is helpful, too. And sometimes I really do just have to take a break for a bit, and then come back later. 

8. What are your writing rewards and milestones?

I’m doing a modified version of NaNo, since I’m working on an ongoing project instead of starting something new. I’m counting ALL the words I write (notes and freewriting as well as actual prose) and putting them into the NaNo site, but more importantly I made myself a tracker in my bullet journal with my own definitions of “success” to check off on a daily basis. (Prominently featuring: did you show up for at least 20 minutes? and Did you make a note for what to start with next time? If so then YOU HAVE WON!!) 

9. Tag 3 friends to do this tag!

If you want to do it, please consider yourself tagged. :)

#quizzes and memes #assorted memery #nanowrimo #my writing #amo #progress reports