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flowerwrites06 · 3 years

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break my mind’s eye VI — jjk

Plot: Jungkook thinks marriage is the only way to seal a deal.

Pairing(s): Druglord!Jungkook x Fashion Designer!OC (Name: Belle)

Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+

Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Two Parter | Series

Word Count: 7k+

Genre: Mafia | Angst/Smut/Fluff

Tags & Warnings (for entire series): drug dealing, marriage through trickery, explicit smut, drug use, dubious consent, prostitution, miscarriage, lots of manipulation, impregnation through manipulation

Coffee was not the only thing bitter this morning. An irritating three hours ago, Yoongi had been wrapping the final works of the—at least what he and everyone else in his team considered—a successful raid. Fourteen hours achingly squeezed through the exhaustion in his veins to bust this den and it was a popular one at that. Around ten dealers were arrested that night.

Only two got actual jail time. The only reason was because they both had companions with them that night under the age of eighteen and one of them was the culprit for a former models’ murder.

Other than that, the den was closed down to keep up appearances. Most of the dealers had the infamous phoenix tattoo to symbolize exactly who they were working for. However did they get enough proof to finally expose Jeon Jungkook?

Not a fucking chance.

He dragged himself into the precinct with a heavy head and tar-like coffee in his hand before slouching onto his chair. A sweet pile of files on his right which were happily ignored. Yoongi could also painfully notice that Namjoon was desperately trying not to ask him about the raid even though every twitch in his eye wanted otherwise.

Darkened and deep set eyes shot a slight glare at the younger male. “Go on.” He rasped.

Namjoon looked almost a little innocent with his huge glasses on staring at him like he was not so deathly obvious about his curiosity. “I didn’t say anything.”

“But you want to so get it over with so you can cover for me while I take a fucking nap.” The older male patted the pile of files which was now going to the others’ responsibility solely because Yoongi had information Namjoon could not gain. If he could even call it decent information.

Clearing his throat, he leaned in closer resting his elbows on the table and forgetting whatever he was working at the computer. “What happened?” He whispered more enthusiastically now.

“Everything and nothing.” Yoongi seethed, anger burning through the unwavering heaviness of his body. “We checked all the stages. Did everything we needed to do and got more fucking eye witnesses than any task force has ever done. Except our captain decided it was the perfect time to act like a damn saint by letting most of them go on fucking technicalities.” Fingers curled up into tight fists just retelling the whole story. So much work had been placed to take this den down and for what? Sleepless nights and back to the square one?

His heart leaped a little for once hearing someone else verbalize the captains’ clear goal to ensure that Jungkook was never exposed again. “You know why they do it, right?”

The older male shook his head with a light stammer. Yoongi was the one who trained Namjoon in the field which was the only reason why he was assigned to be his partner over anyone else. He could always keep him in line. But now he worried whether there might be a dark truth laced in all his words. “We can’t get ahead of ourselves.” He muttered under his breath before taking a sip of his coffee.

Namjoon let out a small sigh of defeat glancing over at the precinct around them. It took any person with common sense to notice a few who were drowning their insides with coffee to stay awake after a failed raid. A small part almost felt relieved that others now knew the things he went through after his failed undercover mission. That knowledge something was wrong but you could not do anything about it. The curse of being part of a system which Jungkook already ruled since birth. “What can we do then?” He asked more to himself than the other.

“Yoongi…” Tapping of footsteps broke their conversation for a minute as one of the detectives, Minnie walked to their desks. “I need to talk to you. Both of you.” Her eyes flickered to the two men who stared at her in utter confusion.

The dark haired male peered at the woman through his fringe already noticing Namjoon stiffen at the sight of the detective. “What now? I’m not really in the mood for more disappointment.” Yoongi leaned back and tolerated the little glare the younger male gave him for speaking to Minnie in that manner.

“You’ll want to hear this. It’s a message from the big chair.” She muttered before turning on her heel to walk out of the building.

Namjoon immediately gave Yoongi a pleading look to go follow her, thighs bouncing in place out of his curiosity.

Yoongi kissed his teeth before averting his gaze in annoyance. “I’m too old for this shit.” He got up from the chair with his cooling coffee.

“You’re a year older than me.” His brows furrowed.

“I meant mentally.”

Out in the spring like air of the smoking zone, Minnie hugged a brown envelope as the two men walked out eying her in pure puzzle. Her nose flushed without her jacket but the nerves that built up in her body made it difficult to care. “I don’t know why they gave to me.” She shook her head. “I thought I was let off from this but—” The woman handed them the brown envelope.

Yoongis’ forehead remained permanently knitted as he accepted the envelope as Namjoon took his coffee from him carefully. He pulled out one single piece of paper. A hand-written letter.

‘I am fully aware of Mr. Jeons’ actions under the blanket of extortion and public sympathy. The raid was planned to be a publicity stunt to impress me somehow but I have been observing this world for as long as I can remember. The police force vows on survival. They want to protect their children from being taken, wives from being defiled. It’s every man and woman for themselves in front of this power. Unfortunately this means we must play the same game of deceit and secrecy to truly achieve the victory we all want.

Hence this letter to you. Gather a small team that you can rely your life on for this mission. There will be materials and sources given to you throughout the month and I suggest you find a dispassionate body whom you can trust to slither into the enemy crowds. There we shall begin the first careful steps to our goal.

Burn this letter as soon as it is read.

May God be with you.’

“Fucking Christ.” Yoongi whispered re-reading the letter ten times before finally understanding the sudden weight dropping on his head. The signature did not lie either. He had seen that so many times in recent weeks it was engraved in his mind at this point.

Minnie shook her head again, a mixture of fear and concern reflecting in her eyes. “I didn’t know who else to trust.” Gaze flickered from Yoongi and Namjoon who still were not able to formulate any kind of proper response. “I’ve already been to the rings undercover, I won’t be able to risk it. Namjoon got too close as well.”

Namjoon swallowed the small lump in his throat at the mere memory of his time deep inside the Jeon Cartel. As much as he wanted the glory of walking back to that place to make things right. It was too much risk. This time they were going against all the usual protocol that ever existed.

Only person left was one who had not truly been seen on the inside was—

“You’re shitting me.” Yoongi sighed out the words. He understood the stakes of spreading this information to far too many people. In fact even the man himself could not name anyone who could be more trustworthy than Namjoon and Minnie. Most of the precinct were hell bent on bruising their knees for the captain while some others preferred the older mayor. It was an unbreakable web of lies and unfair distribution.

“Sorry, Yoongi.” Minnie muttered.

“You did the right thing.” Namjoon quickly interjected. “Anyone else would’ve just shown this to the captain.” He nodded towards the letter.

Without another response, Yoongi pulled out his black lighter and flicked to expose the small flame. His eyes fixated on the bright shade of yellow a little dulled out from the daylight before touching the edge of the paper. He kept a hold of it until it was absolutely ensured that the erupting fire devoured every words. Throwing it in the bin, he sighed deeply when he stared at the two youngers. Whatever tired looseness his body adorned a while ago now faded away with a new anxiety. Not really anxiety but a concern. The results of their last raid did not exactly boost his self-esteem in being able to achieve a large feat. Digging his hands into his pockets, cool wind flowed through his black shirt making him shiver a little. “When do they want us to start?”

Minnie looked around for a moment; more a sign of precaution but a lot of the precinct would be stuck inside the building or on patrol. “There is an inside source who’s been working with the mayor for a few years now and they say that he’d be able to get you a pathway into the cartel.” She rubbed her arms to give herself some type of warmth from the air that only seemed get colder.

“What kind of a source?” Yoongi squinted his eyes. The mayor was not wrong in saying they were a regular in Jeons’ exposure to the public since they already had a solid source.

“I couldn’t get everything but you need to cut any outside ties this month onwards.”

He scoffed with a smile. “It’s cute you think I have other ties.”

A month had gone by before Belle could even take a few breaths. During work hours, it was easy to forget her personal life for several hours and just focus on seams linking with colours, blending into an assortment of something beautiful. Somehow the more perfect her works were the more she felt in control of the world around her.

Boyoung came in and out of the boutique to give her updates on the things that could be done about the cake, flowers or the general décor. Guest list had pretty much been determined by her save for Taehyung and Saito with a slightly awkward explanation of her parents’ death.

Today in the cool day Belle gazed at all the designs for the Sangria House mixed in with Spring Line. She opted to display all the Sangria House dresses towards the end during the fashion show so it could add a showstopper. The lavender one especially caught her eye already imagining Jimin wearing the get-up with some matching jeweled earrings. Dainty fingers brushed across the silk, a softened smile playing on her lips.

“Your first line.” Saitos’ voice broke her out of her little trance. “How does it feel?”

Belle looked over her shoulder to see the woman adorned in a similar lavender pant suit as she padded closer to the displays. “Terrifying.” She breathed out, the corners of her lips twitching up. “It feels like I’m jumping headfirst into cold water.” More like a vast ocean that was so deep that she might drown if she was not careful. Though she would dive into this pool any day.

“Speaking of diving headfirst.” The older woman smirked before the sound of something swishing touched Belle’s ear.

She fully turned around to see Saito hanging a covered outfit on rack before unzipping it down and pulling a pure white piece. A majestic dress bigger than any of the designs they had for the line, multiple georgette layers with slight elegant frills at the ends, a diamond encrusted waist line with a sweetheart neck. The whole piece was simple without any extra glitz and glamour aside from the waist.

“What do you think?”

Belle breathed out a chuckle, eyes not being able to tear away from the dress despite the simple look. “It’s beautiful. What’s this for?” Wide eyes searched the older womans’ expression who merely laughed at the girl.

“Well what else? It’s your wedding dress. If you want anyway.” She shrugged, her gaze now trailing down the long length before fixing the fabric a little so it displayed perfectly. “It’s a little simple I know but if Boyoung told me earlier when the wedding was going to be, I would’ve worked on it a bit more.” Saito spoke about it in such a casual manner.

Little did she realize the jolt of tears flooding in Belle’s eyes when she heard that the other designed and made this whole dress for her. “You made this for me?” She whispered, a small droplet threatening to fall down her cheek.

No one asked Saito to do so nor was she forced to make one either. But the woman did it anyway without any prize in return. She did not ask for her body or her mind as a way to repay her actions. Just an act of kindness.

“Actually I did it so you could do something for me.” She pouted a little before glancing around the boutique longingly. “I can’t have this boutique forever and I’m not exactly getting younger either.” She chuckled, patting the work table like it was her first born child. “Do you mind taking care of her? After I’m retired?”

Belle’s heart almost sank for a moment knowing there was always a catch. Except Saito once again showed she was nothing like other people in her life. Her chest felt like it lost all room for her overflowing affection. Legs rushed over and Belle said nothing but wrap her arms around the woman, squeezing a little tighter than normal. Now that her senior couldn’t look at her expression, all the tears she desperately tried to keep in now came flowing down her cheeks.

All these walls breaking down, there was one dark truth touching the tip of her tongue. The wedding dress Saito worked so hard on. All for a wedding that wasn’t even real. What Belle wouldn’t do to just blurt it all out right now and let the bleeding wounds heal for once but it can’t be done.

The world was beautiful and cruel at the same time. She never experienced that sentiment so strongly until now.

Saito giggled rubbing her back soothingly as she attempted to give her comfort while also holding a humungous white dress. “I’m not dying, sweetie.”

Belle laughed through her tears, quickly wiping them away when she pulled out of the hug. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” She smiled. “Marriage getting you all emotional?”

“You can say that.” One way to describe the hell she got herself into.

“Absolutely not.” Jungkook narrowed his gaze at the older male who somehow gained the audacity to disturb him in his office. Fingers stilled around the pen he was holding to sign a few hand-written letters to some associates. A warning to take caution for the coming days due to the raid in one of their biggest dens.

Taehyung scoffed lightly at the blunt response. “Why not?” He folded his arms together in front of his chest. “I spend hours in a day doing absolutely nothing. How long do you expect me just sit idly here?” The man looked and felt sicker by the day which the doctor explained was the body clearing itself out. Not really the most reassuring explanation but he knew at one point where all the sick feelings dissipated because he was properly distracted by something. Someone more like.

He dropped the pen on the table now unable to concentrate on putting the words together especially since this wasn’t exactly Word Document where it could be easily deleted. “I don’t want you in here either.” Jungkook retorted. “But you’re also not the most trusted person to be left alone right now so I’m left with no option other than no.”

“Then a guard can come with me.” Taehyung shrugged. Truth be told the man had no intention of doing what Jungkook had been wary about. Of course it’d be a lie to say there was not a gnawing feeling in his stomach as if something was missing. But right now that was not the goal.

“I suppose you expect me to pay for this outing as well, yes?” He winced.

“You are marrying my sister by force. So yeah you’re paying for both our life insurance as far as this whole fuckery is concerned.”

Jungkook cocked a brow hearing the male’s challenge. Maybe one shot to the leg would have helped him relieve any stress but he hated how much Taehyungs’ eyes resembled Belles’. Sighing in defeat, he grabbed the phone roughly and put it to his ear. “Mr. Kim…I’d like to book a private room in your house this afternoon. Sorry for the late notice.” He glanced over at the male, pressing the phone on his chest. “Who did you want?”

“Angel.”

Of course the fucker had to choose the most expensive angel in the goddamn registry. The crime lord took a deep breath to calm his fury before placing the phone to his ear, an award-winning smile on his lips. “The golden member. Angel…put it in under Kim Taehyung…yes…thank you, Seokjin.” Hanging up the phone, he merely glared at the older male. “They’ll be ready for you in the evening same time as the last one. Look presentable and for the love of god…” His glare sharpened. “…play nice.”

With a detached hum, Taehyung rushed out of the office skipping at every step to finally go outside of this place and to see the beautiful golden lady in the Sangria House.

Her heart jumped a little hearing that Kim Taehyung was going to visit the private room again and asked for Angel personally. She tried not to have favourite customers but truthfully the brunette had been the most comfortable to talk to. Most people would ask her questions on her talents in the bedroom or how much each service would cost. To many a golden angel was a literal cash cow for the owner so everyone grew curious as to just how much they were worth.

Months maybe years of training involved to be that perfect inhuman being who could make everyones’ dream come true if they had the right funds.

As any other work night for her anyway, Angel would pad into Seokjins’ office adorned in her signature golden dress which was soon going to be updated by a growing popular designer.

Knocking three times against the dark wood she heard the familiar voice invite her in. Clicking the door open, the girl closed the door behind her and stood in the center of the room like her normal routine. Head bowed, fingers intertwined with one another as she slowly bowed in front of him.

“I’m sure you’ve received the list for today.” Seokjin muttered still looking a few paperwork as the angel raised herself up to her perfect posture.

“Yes, Mr. Kim.” Angel nodded.

“You don’t have to call me that behind closed doors, Angel.” He sighed knowing there was no way the member would listen to him anyway. Keeping up formalities according to her had been a way to ensure she did not take her current state for granted. “There’s a special task I’m giving for your session with Mr. Kim.”

“What is it?” She gained that slight bit of comfort to look him in the eye. Not that it was abnormal but usually Angel was in more sleep appropriate clothes or none at all when they had casual conversations.

Seokjin opened one of the doors in his desk and pulled out a vial with a dark purple shaded powder inside. He swirled the little particles in front of the curious girl. “This is a powder to help Mr. Kim feel more…comfortable during his session.” His voice lowered the slightest as if he was spewing a small secret.

Angel received many unusual requests from customers but rarely from the owner himself. He was always a simple man who found solace in his business. No funny work behind the scenes ever. Except now. Brows furrowed slightly but the woman nodded nonetheless not entirely having any choice but to agree. She gently took the powder before hiding it inside her jeweled hands. “How much do I give him?”

“It’s quite a weak dose so the entire vial should do the trick.” He smiled reassuringly however Angel did not feel quite consoled. “Mix it in his tea so it’s easier to take in.”

The woman felt the vial getting heavier and heavier in her hands as the realization became clear she was about mix a strange substance in a customers’ tea. Something about it felt strange. Angel remembered spending nights inside a club where she would catch bartenders sprinkling things into girls’ drinks but she wasn’t able to say anything to stop them.

Either way the golden lady took a deep breath before giving her husband a large smile and nodded. “Of course.” Angel bowed slightly. “Is there anything else you want me to do, Mr. Kim?”

Seokjin reached out and brushed his long fingers against her softly painted skin. For a moment behind closed doors breaking some of the walls of formality so he could truly show some care for the people he watched over. “Be safe.”

The heaviness in her hands now seeped into her chest when she sat inside the private room awaiting Taehyung. Except the vial was still clasped in her clutch while her eyes fixated on the tea pot. Seokjin never showed malice towards anyone let alone someone who barely visited the Sangria House. Maybe it wasn’t harmful at all and the methods just seemed controversial in her own mind.

Angel never lost anything from trusting Seokjin in the past so why should this be any different?

Taking another deep breath, her bangles tinkled as she popped the cork of the vial. A light lilac steam flowed out of it when Angel tipped open the tea pot lid and sprinkled the whole substance into it. Seokjin advised her not to have but one cup to ensure she did not lose her own sense while attempting to entertain the man on whatever he needed.

Whatever he needed.

What did he need?

Their first conversation was mostly soft conversations that merely scratched the surface because they both held dark secrets that neither wanted to admit in the first meeting. At least that was why Angel suspected from the slight emptiness behind his eyes. Like he lost a part of himself once.

Maybe tonight Taehyung grew curious of something more than talking.

It was rare for her to do anything but talk, dance or play the gayageum for whoever she entertained due to the high prices for something else.

Then again Taehyung was Jeon Jungkooks’ brother-in-law. The young man could buy the entire Sangria House if he wanted as Seokjin liked to joke about sometimes.

Pulling her back from her trance in thought, the door clicked open and Angel shot up. All her jewellery and the details in her dress welcomed the familiar customer like tiny little wind chimes. Walking to the center of the room and her composure back to normal the woman bowed with the utmost elegance. “Welcome, Mr. Kim.” She grinned.

Taehyung immediately grew speechless when he walked into the private room. Despite the constant mental conversations he had in his mind that he should be calm and collected, once he saw the golden lady, his heart leaped and his stomach filled with butterflies. Really who could blame him? She literally glowed like a goddess even the sun must be in love with her.

Not that he was too. But he still grew a little obsessed at admiring her every feature.

“Would you like to sit down?” She gestured towards the space reserved for him.

The male stammered a little having mentally slap himself before giving her a nod and a friendly smile as he situated himself at the table. Angel sat next to him to ensure that the experience was as intimate as possible. Except now Taehyung felt the room was way too hot for him to tolerate.

With a slight nagging feeling in the back of her mind, Angel poured the tea for the both of them and offered one to Taehyung which he accepted.

Almost immediately he took a sip to somehow alleviate the initial awkwardness of the session. Unfortunately Taehyung ended up downing the whole drink like some kind of tequila shot.

Angel tried to suppress the light giggle that tried to pass her lips and refilled his cup again. “What did you want to do today, Mr. Kim?” She asked with the most perfect smile, fingers perched carefully on her lap.

A light warmth passed through his body as soon as the first cup settled in. Whatever anxiety he had melted slightly; enough for him to give the girl a smile without feeling like a teenage boy who had never seen a woman before. “I—I actually just wanted to talk again.” Taehyung swallowed thickly wondering how stupid it must sound coming to a place like this only to make conversation.

Belle always tried to make him feel at home but it only made him feel worse. He could see how exhausted she was working all day and night while still attempting to keep a happy smile on her face for everyone else. For him. Not to mention the wedding creeping closer, Taehyung could almost feel the weight she must have on her shoulders.

The golden lady nodded in acknowledgement, loosening her posture just the slightest to ensure more comfort. “I’ve heard the other angels talk about Mr. Jeon and your sisters’ wedding.” Her eyes widened a little. A small tinge of excitement burst inside her at the excitement of it all. “Weddings in the Jeon family have always been so regal, a lot of the juniors were talking about their own ceremonies being that way.”

Taehyungs’ heart sank a little seeing how happy the woman got with the wedding. No part of him had the courage to stop her from talking about it; the way her eyes sparkled and her smile melted into something more genuine rather than calculated. He smiled politely before taking a generous swig of his tea, once again unable to determine just how little tea was actually inside it. “What was your wedding like?” He asked watching her refill his drink at perfect timing.

Now Angel could not escape steering away from the question considering she brought up the topic. “I didn’t have a ceremony.” She smiled. “It was a legal signing and…a few witnesses.” She muttered remembering Jimins’ welcoming grin when he saw firsthand the confirmation of her freedom.

He stared at the woman noticing the little tinge of sadness in her smile. A feature eerily familiar in his younger sisters’ smiles too. Except his heart did not sink too much after he drank up the third cup. In fact nothing much happened. His body seemed to come to a full stop in feeling down to his toes almost seeming non-existent. He had to wiggle them a little to ensue himself they were still there. “Their wedding will be beautiful.” Taehyung had a bitter taste in his tongue speaking of it. “You can come. I’m sure Belle would love to have you.”

The woman stammered a little before chuckling nervously. Angel never really attended events unless Seokjin was invited so she could go as a plus one. Despite their ‘marriage’, she was still to be considered an employee and not Mrs. Kim. “I think I might be working on that day.” She spoke honestly.

“What if I took you with me?” Taehyung asked, the words slipping out of his mouth with more ease now.

Angel quickly refilled his cup again not wanting to be a sub-par hostess before politely smiling at the male again. “I can’t go to outings without my husband.” She muttered.

“Husband…” He scoffed with a smile, shaking his head. “Right…sorry.” Once again Taehyung turned to the comfort of chugging the entire cup of tea. His fingers feeling numb and his ears a little blocked but in a comforting way. Like a warm blanket around him after a walk in the cold day. “Do you ever think about running away?”

“Running away?” She searched his expression which had been growing softer and his body looked more casual.

“Yeah…” Taehyung pushed out a small chuckle. “You know, away from everything. Just…to the country side somewhere and just live there all your life with no troubles.” He threw his head back a little and closed his eyes to relish in the distant dream.

Angel giggled lightly. “What about your sister?”

“I’d take her with me.” He replied without hesitation. “She always told me about wanting to go in the mountains and sewing all her clothes from there. A secret designer hidden deep in the mountains.”

She couldn’t help but smile fondly at the dream. Maybe there were some days where the girl wished to leave all of this behind and live somewhere no one could ever touch her again. Where she could be free. But her current life held far too many responsibilities. Seokjin protected her from a worse fate and that was something Angel could spend the rest of her life repaying him for. “It sounds wonderful.”

Taehyung drawled out a deep hum before chugging down another cup he couldn’t keep count of. At this point his head and body felt like they were floating on a fluffy cloud that kind of smelled like jasmines. While his vision was hazier than ever creating a slight glow onto Angels’ face making her look literally like her namesake. A crooked smile tugged at his lips as his eyes drooped. “You’re so beautiful.” He muttered.

Angel giggled shyly, lowering her head a little. “And you’re very handsome.” She patted the back of his hand.

“It’s just my luck…” He let out a deep sigh of defeat. “The first person I end up liking…turns out to be a married woman.” The male pouted, eyes trailing down her form not being able to hide all corners of his interest as the strange tea now flooded inside him. “If only we could just—close off the real world for a moment.” His finger seemed to gain the same loose mind and traced the back of her soft hand. “And I could show you how much I like you.”

The girl gently pulled her hand away and placed it back on her lap. Smile slowly faltering into something less genuine. “I can do whatever you want, Mr. Kim. But there are still rules.”

“What if what I want is against the rules?” Taehyung whispered, tilting his head as he searched her expression.

“Then we call security.” She chuckled nervously.

He laughed making his throat feel incredibly prickly. Shoulders shook as he coughed knocking the empty cup over accidentally which Angel quickly set up again. “It’s fine.” Taehyung raised a hand before filling up the tea cup himself albeit while shaking.

Her chest rose and fell watching him down another cup.

As soon as the liquid went down, he coughed again while pain settled in his chest. “Think I might be allergic to jasmines.” Taehyung stared at his cup with a small giggle passing his lips. “Anyway what was I saying?”

Angel had to remind herself that it was not fully Taehyung’s fault for the behavior he began to portray. Except that didn’t change the sinking feeling in her gut as the comfortable bubble they had between them now seemed to melt before her. “You were talking about what you wanted to do.” She answered in a small voice to keep her normal composure.

“You said you’d call security.” His voice grew a little raspy before he coughed again. “Does that mean holding your hand is against the rules?”

She nodded. “That rule is more applied to members like me.”

“Married members.” He traced his finger pad around the brim of the small cup. “But do you ever think about breaking the rules? Just a little.” Taehyung smirked shifting a little closer, his hand once again sliding to her part of the table. “

Angel attempted to smile again before shaking her head. “I’d rather not, Mr. Kim. Responsibilities are important to have—so we don’t get out of control.”

“Fuck responsibilities.” He scoffed leaning back. “I tried being responsible. Being the perfect son…always choose the best path, always be the better cause you are better.” Brick walls inside him turned to paper as anger now burned through it with ease. “All the while my little sister tried so hard. She’s perfect. The best person I’ve ever met and they fucking called her worthless.” Tears melted at the brim of his eyes spewing all these unsaid words. “Then they died…” Taehyung chuckled, vision growing blurry. “…leaving their daughter thinking they never loved her. Responsibility killed my family. They had the responsibility to make the perfect son and look what happened. They never taught me to live without them. Responsibility destroyed my baby sisters’ life.” He winced.

Despite the poison in his body, Taehyung still had that truth suppressed unable to word it out. Your sister is this mess because of you. Because you couldn’t be better. The heat burst through his loosened body unable to control or suppress the urge as he knocked the teapot and cup off the table with the back of his hand.

Pot shattered and cup cracked the male was overwhelmed with another coughing fit that stung his chest.

Angels’ eyes now glossy attempted to hold both her hands up to calm him down. “Taehyung, please.” She whispered. The woman dared to touch his shoulder while his head was lowered on the table. Her heart jumped when she saw the light splutter of red falling from his plump lips onto the wooden surface. Letting out a shaky sigh, she cupped both his cheeks to make him face her gaze. “Taehyung?”

His whole face looked like an utter mess, eyes reddened, cheeks stained with tears and his lips trickling with his own blood. His chest was on fire and he couldn’t help but laugh a little again, teeth stained slightly. “This is what happens when you just talk.” Taehyung growled out. “Everything becomes a fucking mess.” He winced and pushed her off of him not wanting to face her while in this state even though his whole body had no energy to truly care.

“Help!” Angel yelled and almost mere seconds passed with the door bursting open, two guards walking inside. Following them was a concerned Seokjin padding into the room to check on her first.

“Did he hurt you?” His hand hovered her cheek.

She shook her head. “He’s sick, something’s wrong.” Angels’ gaze flickered from the blood splutters on the table to the young male being carried on each side by his arm.

“It’s okay.” Seokjin caressed the top of her head. “Take him to the Jeon household immediately. I will call Mr. Jeon to ensure he’s prepared with a treatment for him.” He explained in a much calmer demeanor than Angel was in at the moment.

One of the guards acknowledged his order before Taehyung was dragged less than gently out the door leaving Angel in her pool of anxiety.

“Keep a stiff upper lip, darling.” Fingers tapped on her chin to make her meet his gaze. “We can’t lose our focus, yes?”

Angel shook her head out of habit. The woman let her heart grow too soft for a man she only conversed with twice thus far. It was too dangerous to make herself dwell on the matter when he was—as much as it ached a little so say it—just a customer. She had responsibilities whether Taehyung or even she liked it or not. So Angel merely bowed and continued to get ready for her next session.

Afternoon faded into evening and evening faded into night but no sign of Taehyung. Worry creeped up as the hours passed by with Belle’s thoughts only growing darker instead of more optimistic. Of course she did not stop herself from scolding Jungkook for a few minutes about letting him go out to Sangria House.

The man simply reassured her that one of his guards were present outside of the House if something were to go wrong.

Adorned in her nightgown, Belle refused to rest on her bed despite Nana attempting to convince otherwise. She paced around the room with warmth spreading through her palms from the tea cup in her hands. Fingers tapped against the sides and the worry continued to infest throughout her entire body.

Then the door downstairs opened with a thud.

Slamming the cup onto the table the woman rushed out of the bedroom down the stairs, somewhere in the back of her mind hoping to see her brother safe and sound. Unfortunately luck was not a constant in the Kim Family when she saw Jungkooks’ guards carrying Taehyung inside.

Breath caught in her throat Belle took a few quick steps closer and drops of blood staining his chin and shirt like he was punched through his teeth. “What happened?”

“People at the house said he drank something and started acting weird.” One of the guards explained crudely while they moved to Taehyung’s bedroom.

Jungkook appeared from behind them, looking far more exhausted than ever.

Belle tried to clip her tongue from any more backlash on his decision and followed suit to her brother’s bedroom.

The maids pulled over the blankets so he could be plopped onto the soft surface, causing him to grunt a little under his breath. Belle pulled off his shoes and placed them on the floor as the blanket loosely covered his body now.

“Didn’t they tell you what he drank?” She asked, pressing his hand against the male’s forehead but his skin wasn’t any more heated than normal.

“We have someone from our private med coming in tonight.” Jungkook padded into the bedroom after sending the guards out. The male had a slightly casual tone about him despite seeing the worry shaking from his future wife. Maybe he should have made more effort in feeling sorry but he knew this would happen. “He’ll be fine, baby.”

Belle refused to respond, eyes merely focusing on Taehyung who was having trouble keeping himself awake. He needed to be okay. He just had to. The wedding date slowly slithered closer now to a point where she felt like suffocating. Her brother was the only thread of hope she could hold onto to give her strength but now it just felt like they were back to square one all over again. Was this what Jungkook wanted? If Taehyung never got better than the girl would have no chance whatsoever to get away from him. She wouldn’t have any other choice but to stay here.

Taehyung’s eyes flickered every now and then seeing a blurry vision of dark hair and white clothing. For a moment he already confirmed his own death assuming maybe the figure before him was an angel. Except a few seconds he noticed Belle’s familiar features. “’m sorry…” He whispered.

She shook her head brushing his hair away from his forehead. “Don’t apologize.” The last person Belle blamed was Taehyung. He wasn’t the one who made them stay here. He wasn’t the one who made the deal nor did he agree to it on his own accord.

Minutes passed before one of the guards walked in announcing that a medical apprentice arrived to the premise to help them out. A little irritated, Jungkook told them to bring the person in. The downside of private meds was that they always had to protect their own backsides from being seen by prying eyes in mob leaders’ households. They would then send apprentices to do the job for them especially if it’s not a serious case.

Through the door walked in a raven haired male with a white shirt and some pants on looking the complete opposite of what any med should look like.

“Please don’t tell me this is your first day.” Jungkooks’ eyes judged him up and down right through his very core.

The apprentice cleared his throat as he stared down at his outfit. “It wasn’t really my shift tonight, sir. I was told this was an emergency.”

“Mi amor, this isn’t the time find out who the next top model is.” Belle retorted walking over to the entrance as she gave the apprentice a small friendly smile.

Jungkook noticed the guards’ eyes widen a little at the way she spoke to him. Not to mention the little nickname blatantly spewed in front of most of the staff.

“They said he drank something strange—”

The apprentice nodded looking over at the tanned male struggling to sleep peacefully, body jerking as he coughed. “My supervisor said it was a new drug that was sent to him for testing once. Manufacturer didn’t have a name but he called it Shade Terror…” He looked at both Jungkook and Belle. “May I?” He gestured to Taehyung.

Belle saw the apprehension in her fiancées’ expression. Granted the woman would be hesitant to let a trainee try and help her brother but she couldn’t just let him stay in pain until something else was available. Reaching out, she gently held onto his pinky and ring finger as a silent way of pleading that he let the man help Taehyung.

“What’s your name?” Jungkook asked.

“Yoongi…sir.” He bowed once again to enhance a vulnerable state in front of him. His face did not exactly scream ‘meek’ after all.

The young lord nodded and gestured towards Taehyung so he could start with his work. As soon Yoongi situated himself next to the bed, Jungkook turned his head to face Belle for a moment. On any other day a new face trying to do medical work under his roof would have gone through hundreds of investigations and gun to their head while they worked. So why was it Jungkook couldn’t find the courage to do the same now? Especially when Belle met his gaze and gave him a light smile to quietly thank him for agreeing.

Detaching their hands Belle walked back to the other side of the bed and watched Yoongi press his fingers against the side of Taehyungs’ neck. His way of working was definitely a lot more careful than that of a more experienced doctor but it looked far more reassuring. He placed a small wooden box on the nightstand before flicking it open and pulling out a vial filled with a pale blue milky liquid.

“We need to make him sit up.” He spoke in a slightly shy demeanor.

Belle nodded and gently pulled Taehyung up to a sited position as he leaned back against the headboard.

Her older brother whined light under his breath before lulling off to a messy sleep again.

Yoongi pulled the cork off of the vial before forcing the mans’ mouth open by pressing through his cheeks. Without a moment’s hesitation, he poured the liquid down his throat before clamping his mouth and nose shut forcing him to swallow it down.

She wanted to protest for a moment but immediately saw how Taehyung tried to resist the medicine, thrashing about on the bed until the blanket was almost off the bed.

Once the apprentice pulled away her older brother drowned into a coughing fit.

“He might vomit for a while to get the toxins out.” Yoongi spoke as he clapped the small box shut.

After a few more minutes of whining and light thrashing, Taehyung finally breathed out into a calmer state of relaxation before lulling off to sleep again.

The apprentice was about to walk out of the room before Jungkook stepped in front of him, hands pressed firmly against his chest.

“You’re staying here until we know he’s okay.” His glare shot like daggers, distrust practically oozing through his veins at the strange face.

Belle wondered a little to herself how he had so much trust issues for this apprentice but had all the confidence in the world to marry her without any knowledge of how she was. Either way for once she could relate to his suspicion. If the ‘antidote’ somehow made Taehyung worse then she’d want Yoongi in the mansion, accessible for proper punishment.

Yoongi looked over his shoulder to face the young woman who had a much kinder expression but even she grew hardened at the sign of distrust. Not that the man could truly blame her, for all they knew he could have gave the tanned man poison. So he nodded and stood back waiting for a few guards to lead him to a guest room. Weeks of training to just get enough inside information on Jungkook instead he was now literally invited into their home as a guest for the night. Granted on darker circumstances but it deemed to be a strange step forward.

Morning rushed in with a light warmth and Belle persisted to stay in Taehyungs’ bedroom the whole night despite everyone else’s attempt at convincing her otherwise. For a few hours she was able to travel back to a simpler time when she would snuggle into her older brothers’ bed whenever the darkness got difficult to deal with alone. Taehyung kept her in his arms all night telling her she was worth so much more than what their parents pushed on the girl.

What he didn’t truly know was that his love was strong enough to be all she needed. At some point Belle stopped longing for her parents’ validation knowing there was one amazing person already treating like she should be.

She wanted to do the same and make sure he knew in all this mess there was one person who always loved him more than anything.

Gold peeked through the curtains when the older male shifted in his position, eyes opening to a silhouette sleeping next to him. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips seeing the familiar face. For a few moments, Taehyung could pretend they were a normal family again without the real world around them trying to crumble it down or tear them apart. Those few minutes were sacred until he saw the shining ring around her finger. The ring she probably never wanted but took so he could heal. Now as his smile disappeared and his eyes burned, he was painfully reminded of the sacrifice Belle was going to make in a few days.

Taking in a deep breath, Belle slowly moved herself awake widening her eyes a little before she met with Taehyungs’ gaze. “Were you watching me sleep?” She giggled tiredly.

“Just checking if you actually did that.” Taehyung smiled again.

“You look better now.”

“I feel better. Aside from the vomiting, this room stinks.” He winced not wanting to look at a soiled bin on his side of the bed.

Belle shifted to lay on her back with a relaxed sigh. Eyes flickered over to her phone for the time; only a few hours until she had to go to work. But she could risk a few minutes for this rare moment where it was just the two of them. No maids, no guards, no Jungkook. Just a brother and a sister. “What happened, Tae?” She whispered.

“It wasn’t me.” Taehyung answered simply. “Seriously, I went into Sangria House and talked to Angel and…drank jasmine tea. I don’t think I’m allergic to jasmines.”

“The private med that came in said it was the symptoms of a drug.” Belle turned her head to meet his gaze. He had tried to lie about these things before but she could tell he had no idea this would happen to him at all.

“Jungkook probably asked them to slip something in my drink.” He scoffed.

It wouldn’t exactly be the worst thing the man had done in his lifetime especially from the things Belle had seen and heard in this house.

Her silence seemed to trigger a spark inside Taehyung’s body as he searched her expression. “You’re thinking that too, aren’t you?”

Belle swallowed down her words despite how strong they wanted to be sung across her tongue. “He’s a horrible man…but he can’t be that desperate to be married…I think.” Her brows furrowed not sure of anything she spoke out.

“He was desperate enough to put a ring on a stranger.” He retorted.

She hated how closely their thoughts aligned. There were so many things wrong about this situation but if this was true then Jungkook may be worse than he lets on in front of her. “I’m just glad you’re okay. That’s all that matters.” A smile stretched across her slightly chapped lips.

“You matter too.” Taehyung felt that familiar choke in his throat like his grip slipped and he was forced to watch Belle fall into this abyss. “You mean so much to me. How am I supposed to feel better if you’re hurting in the process?”

Belle quickly moved her gaze to the ceiling, letting out a shaky sigh. “I’m not hurting, I promise. It’s going to be okay.” She intertwined her fingers with his trying to give him some form of reassurance.

“Morning…” Jungkook walked through the door of the bedroom, now in a fresh new suit and curled hair with a glass juice in his hand. “How’re you feeling?” He asked albeit not in the most compassionate tone.

“Fine.” Taehyung muttered.

The woman shifted to sit up on the bed, straps of her nightie falling over her shoulder as she stood up. “He only drank the jasmine tea in Sangria House.” Belle spoke simply. “Is there a special recipe that we should have known about?” Her arms folded over her chest, eyes growing a little sharp pointing at Jungkook.

“Jasmines and water?”

She rolled her eyes. “You know drugs more than a lot of people. What do you think that—Shade Terror thing could’ve been?”

“I’ve never heard of it before.” Except Jungkook may have had a small clue on what exactly was mixed into Taehyungs’ tea. The question he did not know the answer to was why. True Seokjin had some less than kind methods for people who might be treating his angels improperly. Maybe Taehyung did something that he was not saying to anyone.

Somehow Jungkooks’ lack of knowledge created more suspicion than there was due between the siblings. Belle padded closer to the male who immediately caressed her forearm. “You didn’t kill the medical apprentice yes?”

“Not yet.”

She looked over her shoulder giving her older brother a small smile. “We’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

For the first time in a while, Taehyung had a more relaxed heart looking at his sister despite the man next to her making his blood boil at the same second.

Belle pulled Jungkook towards the bar gently with a deep sigh.

“There’s something else.” He broke the brief silence immediately.

“What did you and Seokjin talk about that night?” She turned to face him properly.

The curly haired male scoffed lightly, placing his glass on the table. “It was business.”

“Seokjin owns a brothel, you own a cartel. What kind of business would you two be talking about exactly?”

Jungkook had to admit to himself, the woman was more intelligent than she let on and he wondered whether that was useful or more dangerous in this particular situation. “You think I had something to do with your brothers’ problem?”

“Yes.” A deadly silence plunged into the room as the guards and maids now felt far too comfortable to be in the living room. “Now answer my question.”

The male sighed knowing there was no reason to embarrass himself by trying to lie to a woman who had already seen his true colours. “We were discussing a new drug that Seokjin wanted to distribute through our cartel. I suppose he wanted to use it on his customers as a test run.” He shrugged.

“So you knew this might happen to Taehyung?”

“Of course I didn’t know it could happen to him.”

“But you knew the testing was going on and you still let him go to the House.”

“I’m not his father, Belle, it’s not my responsibility to keep him in check.” He gestured roughly towards the room.

Belle scoffed bitterly. “This is the responsibility you got when you decided to stick your fingers into our lives.” She took a step closer. “No one asked you to do all of this. We had the money to make all of this go away.” The heat spread through her so fast, her fingers began trembling and her head grew heavy. “So don’t fucking act like this is some big inconvenience only to you.”

Their conversation broke apart and attentions turned to the raven haired male standing just a few inches away from the bar as he cleared his throat.

“Sorry…I was called.” Yoongi replied simply, pretending he didn’t hear the answer to Namjoons’ burning question about Belle and Jungkooks’ sudden relationship. Hands settled behind his back and a neutral expression plaster across his features, he waited for one of the dual powers to speak up.

Belle faded back into a soft expression before smiling at Yoongi like she had not been incredibly distressed a few seconds ago. “I wanted to say thank you. My brother is all better now.” She walked away from the counter, closer to the raven haired male. “How much do we need to pay you?”

He shook his head with a reassuring smile. “My supervisor told me not to ask for any payment—”

“But you came all this way…” She muttered.

“An invitation to the wedding perhaps.” Jungkook spoke up now, leaning on his hands against the edge of the counter. “Your supervisor could come along as a plus one.”

Yoongis’ lips parted as he met Belle’s gaze who gave him an encouraging nod. An invitation to a stupid wedding did not seem like a prize of any sort but he assumed being a guest to such a prestigious ceremony was a gift. Either way he couldn’t exactly disagree to the offer now that it was on the table so he gave them both a smile that could constitute as grateful. “Thank you so much…I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to come to the event.”

“I’m sure he will.” The other male gave him a forced smile despite being hyper aware of the eyes that were on them when Belle snapped. Everyone would remember now. The girl who walked in here being manipulated slowly grew hardened to her struggles and had every ounce of courage to fight back. It was a red flag shouting at him to pull the trigger…prevent any more problems from arising. Except he loved the anger. The fire in her eyes gave him life and vigor, he couldn’t just take it away. Whether that would be a good decision or bring his downfall was up to fate now.

Night fell cloudy as Boyoung entered the Jeon household just two days before her nephews’ big wedding.

Belle sat in her bedroom watching her dress getting steamed by Nana while she sent a few emails confirming the date of the Spring Line fashion show. Since Saito placed her own hand into the line, the venue and date had to be perfect enough for the most important guests to arrive during that time. The show was going in over three months but her anxiety creeped in already.

Last time the woman had a fashion show, she missed it completely on account of getting her brother to a safe place. That was one of the smaller ones though. This one would have designers from far and wide coming in just to see these designs on show, critics, celebrities and a venue so majestic Belle almost got nauseous just looking at the pictures. It was going to be the pivotal moment of her career. If this went well then orders would come in like a waterfall and her name would be solidified in the industry.

She had to force herself to take a deep breath before her whole body exploded in her heavy mixture of anxiety and excitement.

“Belle, dear.” Boyoung knocked twice before peeking through the open door. A smile immediately tugging at her lips when she saw the younger female.

She peered through her glasses before closing her laptop and placing it on her nightstand. As soon as the girl tried to get up the older woman put her hands up.

“Please sit, darling.” She giggled padding over and sitting on the edge of the bed in front of her. “I need to talk to you about something important.” Boyoung placed her purse on the soft surface before pulling out a steel container. “I know you can buy your own but just for tonight.” She removed the lid to show that it was filled almost to the brim with pomegranate seeds shining a little like rubies in the light.

Belle tilted her head before chuckling softly. “What is this for?”

“Eat a lot of pomegranate seeds from now on.” Her eyes widened a little from her own excitement, placing the container in her hands with care. “It’s going to help with bearing a child.”

If the anxiety was strong before, it shot through of her head now making her entire body tremble. Belle hoped her true reaction did not seem too obvious when she forced to smile at the woman. She knew a lot of families vowed to traditional means to help bearing children but that was not what shocked.

Bearing children.

Children.

Making lives.

Bringing more innocent lives into this world.

Into this mess.

It was now more than ever Belle could relate herself to Persephone. Being given pomegranates to make her stay in the Underworld permanently. She was never going to escape this place if she had Jungkooks’ child in her belly. The woman would be bound to this world, etched on it like the phoenix tattoo on her fiancées skin.

Whether Taehyung got better or not. There would be no escaping after that.

“I’ve never seen Jungkook happier than I have now.”

Because he’s getting exactly what he wanted all along.

“You really made a difference.” Boyoung patted her cheek, eyes looking a little glossy as she grinned. “Thank you.”

Belle sighed lightly with a shaking smile still struggling on her face. “Don’t thank me. I wanted to.”

The older woman nodded glancing behind to see the gorgeous dress hanging on the large stand, chuckling. “I’ll leave you to your privacy…while you still have it.” She teased.

Once Boyoung left the room, Nana paused in her work and looked over at Belle with a worried expression. Much to her heartbreak the young girl broke into silent tears as she placed the contained on the nightstand. Placing the steamer down she padded over to her mistress and said nothing but pulled her in for an embrace. “You’ll be okay, dear. You have a strong heart.”

Then why did it feel like it was crumbling to a million pieces from too much pressure?

“Her older brother?” Namjoons’ voice spoke through the phone.

Yoongi shook himself slightly to fight away the cold despite the confines of the glass booth around him. “Yeah he’s been living in the Jeon mansion for a while I’m guessing. Belle also said something about her having the money. Her brother might have had a debt of some sort.” He glanced around the darkening streets spotting only a few stumbling groups passing by in a fit giggles. “Jungkook refused the money…”

“Leverage maybe? To marry Belle?”

“Yandere move.” He muttered under his breath. “Whatever’s going on, Jungkook seems a little soft for the girl.”

“That’s never good.” Though Yoongi could hear the slight bounce in Namjoons’ tone.

Soft meant weakness. A word hardly associated with Jungkook under any circumstances but now it might strike a ray of hope. “Belle’s smart though. She was able to fish out information on Seokjin making the new drug…and she wants me to stay in the mansion tonight too.”

Silence plunged between the call for a few minutes before Namjoon spoke again. “You think she’s suspicious?”

“I think she’s careful. After that whole Sangria House drama, she probably wants to keep her brother safe so having a medical apprentice seems the way to go.” He hung his head slightly irritated that these were all assumptions at this point. Yoongi thought Jungkook would be hard to read but now he had to be careful of the new queen about to be crowned in the cartel. “I know it’s not enough—”

“No, you kidding? That’s a lead. Jeon weddings are where the family is going to be most vulnerable. Meaning no executions, no drama, it’s all about the celebration.” Namjoon explained almost in a whisper which meant that the male must have still been in the precinct working. “It’s the perfect time to get on their best side.”

Yoongi nodded quickly moving to hang up before he heard Namjoon make a noise again. “What?”

“Be careful, okay?”

He smirked. “I’m always careful.”

Belle got herself adorned in a simple mustard body con dress with some light makeup and her hair done loosely as she walked down the stairs to the entrance of the mansion. Two guards stopped her at the front asking it was too dark for her to be out. It was a spur of the moment decision to just get out of the house on her own accord for once.

Except she knew she had to be smart about it. Going out at night when so many people knew her face and name now was risky. But she didn’t want any of the guards to be stuck to her the whole time.

“Yoongi will come with me.”

The older male barely managed spent a few minutes on his own after the short conversation in the phone booth with Namjoon. He merely walked out of his bedroom for a moment to check on Taehyung before Belle dedicated him to a night out.

“The–the medical apprentice, ma’am?” One of the guards stammered.

“He looks able-bodied and Taehyung’s crashed for the night. It’s only a couple of hours, gentlemen, I’m sure the world won’t end.” A few more minutes of jabbing a sharp expression towards the guards they eventually caved and told her the car was coming in soon.

Yoongi only had his white shirt which was re-washed surprisingly quickly by the maids so he would not smell putrid by the day. It was like living in a house of robots who just did what Jungkook asked. Except for this woman. She looked like the only person moving in real time.

Once the car was pulled in, Belle asked Yoongi to drive since she felt a little too anxious to concentrate.

“Where to?”

“Sangria House.”

Without asking any questions, Yoongi drove on with a heavily engraved memory of where the location was. The car ride itself was deeply silent making the male incredibly aware that he was completely alone with Belle. Would it be too quick to just tell her what’s going on? It didn’t seem like she had any worries defying Jungkook but that could mostly just be so she could act as a balance of power in the cartel.

Best to stay quiet, he told himself.

The car stopped in front of the establishment causing Belle to let out a deep sigh. “Could you wait here?” She asked in a soft tone now. “I’m sorry to pull you into this but I think it’s better if I took someone who wasn’t directly Jungkooks’ guard for this meeting. I promise I’ll explain your absence to him.”

When the woman gave him a reassuring smile, Yoongi felt his heart sink a little. One thing he despised about himself is how easily he could see something broken behind a persons’ eye. He would see it in the seventeen year old school girl who had to explain how her principal called her into his office every week but it was never because she was in trouble. He would see it in the convicted young man who tried to recount the events that led to him murdering his uncle. He saw it here and now. That broken nature all in a smile that meant she tried to survive something that was too much to take. Or was trying to survive. Despite the pressure of thoughts in his mind, he nodded in agreement before Belle walked out of the car.

“Ms. Belle!” Seokjin announced as Belle was escorted into his office by one of the white angels. Another junior angel poured them some tea in two cups before bowing and leaving the room. “Please sit.”

Swallowing down, the woman padded over to the table and carefully sat down on one of the chairs feeling a light breeze in the room. She regretted not getting a shawl of some sort but this was meant to be a quick meeting.

“Some tea?” He gestured with that same trained smile he always had for all his customers and business partners.

Belle stared at the filled up and merely smiled. “I’ve grown a little wary of tea at the moment.”

Seokjins’ lips twitched a little almost losing the calculated grin he adorned so gracefully. “I suppose that’s understandable.” He chuckled under his breath. “Though I assure you I don’t drug valued partners.” He nodded to himself. “But we’re not really talking about the tea here. What did you want to talk about?”

“Sangria House has been a pride and joy for tradition and beauty, yes? But you also want to influence the future generation which is why our partnership exists.” She leaned back on her chair. “Have we not made sufficient dresses?”

“Of course not.” He shook his head.

“Does it not look expensive enough?”

“It looks absolutely marvelous.”

“Then why is it, Mr. Kim, that you seem to need another business transaction with my future husband?” Belle tilted her head, searching his expression.

Seokjin chuckled lightly. “I am an active businessman, Ms. Belle.”

“An active businessman who tries to distribute a faulty product.” She continued simply. “I’m not an expert on drugs and do correct me on this but aren’t drugs supposed to make you feel good? At least on the first day, one should not start coughing out blood and losing their mind.”

“It still has its tweaks.” His smile slowly started fading away for a moment.

“Then fix it before you test it on the wrong people.”

“Madam, are you suggesting I stop making this business transaction with your fiancée? Wouldn’t that be unfair to Mr. Jeon? Having this discussion without his approval?”

“I think Mr. Jeon needs a little bit of unfair in his life.” Belle smiled. “All I’m asking is for you to pause any discussions or testing on this transaction until ours is finished. I’m a little possessive like that, I prefer full focus.” She scrunched her nose. “Once we’re done with the Spring Line show and all is successful, you can begin…your experimentation as you please. Does that sound fair enough?”

Silence plunged into the room as Seokjin had to collect himself for a few moments at the proposal thrown at him. “I can see why Mr. Jeon took an interest in you.” He chuckled a little nervously. “Alright…as a way to sincerely apologize for my actions, I will halt any discussions on the new product with your husband. All the focus will be on our line…Madame Belle.”

Jungkook never truly cared about the complete wellbeing for Taehyung. It was all conveniently to keep the deal alive. So if she couldn’t win with him on a personal level then maybe damaging him on a business level might just give her leverage.

Was this going to help her life with Jungkook become more pleasant? No. Not at all.

But this was her only way to take control of something again. Jungkooks’ successes in getting money from this new drug now relied on her milestone, not his power.

A few more formalities and Belle was led into one of the private rooms where she saw Jimin sitting with a bright smile waiting for her.

The lavender adorned male immediately got to his feet, bowing down until he was almost on his knees. “It’s so nice to see you again.”

It was like all the responsibilities and pressures on her shoulders immediately pulled off of her when she walked into the room. Inside these walls the woman could forget the world outside just for an hour.

Belle hated to admit that she had been visiting Jimin in secret for the past month now just after her work so it could be passed off as overtime. It was sneaky behavior and she despised stooping to such a level but she had to. Getting out of that house and being out of the boutique just for a while was exactly the time Belle needed to feel sane. Forgetting ones’ problems never solved them but she wanted the weight off. Jimin knew exactly how to do that.

Once the lavender angel slid the doors close leaving just the two of them.

All responsibilities were gone.

Just peace.

Eventually the fantasy hour had to finish. Belle ran her fingers through her hair as she stepped out of the establishment, rain pouring down violently in the dark night. One of the guards from the House gave her an umbrella and led her to the car where Yoongi jumped out of the car to open it for her. A silly move since now he was drenched.

“Sometimes chivalry can die, you know.” Belle chuckled a little watching the poor thing shiver as he started the car.

“Believe me, ma’am I thought the same thing as I walked out.” Yoongi couldn’t hold in a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. God, was this woman a fucking siren or something? “How was your session?”

She nodded before looking out the window at the blurry view outside. “It was nice.” The right corner of his lips twitched a little.

Yoongi hummed.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” He shook his head, glad he had to fully focus on the road and shiver throughout the whole car ride.

Belle chuckled flicking the heater on and directing the vents towards him. “I just talk to them unless you’re thinking otherwise.”

“I’d look like an ass if I assumed something like that, madam.” He spoke before taking a deep breath as he felt the calming heat touch his skin.

“Please call me Belle, I sound like such an aunt when people call me madam.” She briefly held his arm creating more warmth for him.

Yoongi almost felt a little deprived when she pulled her hand away. “Belle…right.” He scoffed out a small breathy laugh.

The mustard adorned woman relaxed into the seat a little with a long sigh, her sweet smile disappearing a little. “I like talking to them…him, it’s just one person. It—it’s the only place I can really talk to someone without…feeling like something’s going to go wrong.” Her brows furrowed as she swallowed. “It might sound a little stupid.”

“No…” He jutted out his bottom lips as he shook his head. “No it’s not stupid at all.”

Belle trailed her gaze to face his expression, raven fringe hovered over his eyes but he seemed to see everything on the road with the way he was driving. “You think so?”

Yoongi shrugged. “In the world you live in…I can’t exactly antagonize you for talking to someone just to relax or feel sane at the very least.” He chuckled. “There’s nothing wrong with getting help where you can.”

“Thank you, Yoongi.” She muttered.

“I should probably thank you for not letting Jungkook kill me that night.” He smirked.

“Well you did dress up like an idol reject.” Belle giggled.

“Point taken.”

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#jungkook #jungkook imagines #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #bts fanfiction #jungkook mafia au #bts mafia au

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babyflossy · 4 years

Text

eccedentesiast (n)

eccedentesiast (n) someone who hides pain behind a smile

pairing; bodyguard!haechan x reader

summary; haechan is nothing more than someone employed to keep you safe. at least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. but why is it so hard to just see him as that?

genre/warnings; bodyguard au, angst (?), fluff, violence, a poisoning, half-edited, also i'm sorry that hyunjin is always my go to for another male lead lmao my skz bias is showing

word count; 7k baby

a/n; after nearly 3 months of writer’s block, i humbly offer you body guard haechan. i’m sorry if it sucks, i’m kinda rusty to get back into writing. any feedback is greatly appreciated!

it’s sunny outside, the golden morning rays of sunlight filtering through the blinds and onto your face. they warm the skin they manage to reach and you bask in the calmness, wrapped in soft bedsheets and silk bedclothes. if you squint into the light you can see the dust particles float around the beams, slowly swimming through around the window frame. the first noise you hear is a bird singing softly outside and a thought in the back of your mind reminds you it’s almost too peaceful. there must be a meeting going on downstairs, one you’re not trusted to appear at.

a knock on your door brings you back to reality and a sigh claws its way up your throat. your father’s personal assistant, sasha, pokes her head around the door and smiles slightly at your bed hair and the mismatched socks poking out the bottom of your duvet. “your father wants you downstairs in five minutes.”

“and what if i don’t?” in an attempt at appearing nonchalant you fix your gaze on the dying plant on your windowsill, refusing to meet her eyes.

“there’s someone you need to meet,” sasha says, piquing your interest and you give up on trying to defy your father’s wishes in favour of your curiosity. “so be down in five minutes, okay?”

the door clicks shut quietly and you check the time on your phone. 10:49am.

finally letting your sigh out and pushing your covers off your cold body, you reach for the first garment of clothing you spot. it’s a purple hoodie you stole from one of your exes and you pull it over your head with a strange sense on loneliness. how long had it been since you had contacted your college friends?

right before you leave the safe confines of your bedroom, a voice floats from the kitchen, one you don’t recognise. it strikes another wave of curiosity through you, this time accompanied by something akin to excitement. the hardwood floors of the hallway are slippery under your socks and you hurry down the stairs to the source of your interest.

whoever you had been expecting, none of them come close to the boy stood next to your dining table. a warm mop of hair sits on top of high cheekbones and tanned skin. the air leaves your lungs momentarily when his eyes meet yours, dark and calculating. you expect him to offer you a polite smile as most of your father’s business partners do, but his face remains in a stern mask. in would be unsettling if you had met in any other circumstances, you’re sure.

“y/n,” the voice of your father forces you to switch your gaze to him and you shoot him a questioning look. it holds no warmth, only looking for answers. “this is haechan,” the boy nods slightly in your direction at the mention of his name, “he’s your new bodyguard.”

you can’t help but let your eyebrows raise comically. that was probably the last thing you were expecting this morning. sure, there had been bodyguards in your past, but none of them stayed very long and you thought your parents had given up on finding one. “bodyguard?” there’s almost a mocking tone to your words and you like the way it makes your father sigh. “i thought you gave up after the last one.”

in the corner of your eyes, you see haechan’s brows quirk the slightest amount in what you think could be amusement. clearly, he has a lot to learn if he thinks he’ll last long.

“there’ve been some rather,” haechan focuses on your dad again as he starts speaking and your glad for the break from his eye contact. “unpleasant things being said about our family at the moment, and we think it’s best to keep an eye on you. so don’t do anything stupid.”

ah, you think, so that’s what he’s doing. this isn’t just to keep you safe, this is a way for your parents to monitor what you do and who you see, a glorified babysitter. that fact doesn’t sit well with you and you make a mental promise to make this as hard as possible for your new caretaker.

with a spark in your eyes you nod at your father and muster up the sweetest smile you can. “of course, father. anything for you.” the change in your voice doesn’t go unnoticed and he sends you a challenging glare which you choose to ignore, instead opting to smile at the taller boy and escape back up to your bedroom.

for the rest of the morning, haechan stands guard outside your bedroom door. as you had fled the thick atmosphere in the kitchen he'd followed behind with quick steps and he wasn't happy at being banished to the hallway. you weren't entirely sure what danger he thought would be lurking around your house at midday on a sunday, but he was on edge regardless.

finally free once again from the eyes of your steadily increasing number of babysitters, you let yourself fall onto your bed.

your own father doesn't trust you enough to live your life without the constant supervision of someone he decides is more credible than you. it hurts. it always does whenever he fails to conceal the way his job is more important than you are to him, his own daughter.

it hurts but you can't let it show. there's something powerful about appearing indifferent to things that are supposed to affect you, but maybe that's just founded on years of your parents missing important milestones. your first dance recital, your first win at a science fair, the first day of high school, the moment you found out about your college scholarship. none of it mattered to them, because nothing you ever did matters to them.

maybe this was an opportunity. an opportunity to get them to care about something more than their questionable business deals.

with a new mindset, you pull yourself away from the plush sheets and change into something other than a hoodie and fluffy socks.

"where are we going?" it's technically the first time you've actually heard haechan say anything to you, and his voice is surprisingly smooth. it's honey-like and velvety and way too appealing to listen to.

"shopping." it's stupid, but as you pass him you can't help but try and speed up, pathetically trying to outwalk him on your way to the garage. there's the distinctive sound of a hushed laugh behind you and the sound catches you off guard for a second. why do you like it so much?

a personal chauffeur drives you and haechan sat in the front seat leaving you alone in the back. the air is still and the silence is almost painful. you type away on your phone just to distract yourself from the fact you don't think you've ever been this quiet for this long before. haechan doesn't seem to notice the awkward tension in the car, however, and busies himself glaring at every car that passes.

for a sunday, the mall is busy and you find yourself stealthily dodging people who get in your way. haechan draws some stares as he follows close behind you, must less scared about bumping into people than you are. it's understandable– the all black get-up he's wearing makes him look a lot more menacing than he did in your family kitchen. along with his height and his inability to break eye contact first, it's quite a scary mix.

after a few minutes of walking in silence, you decide to at least try and make conversation. the one sentence he's said to you doesn't seem like enough for people set to spend all day every day together.

"how long have you been doing this?" the attempt is weak, but haechan seems surprised you've said anything to him. the focus of his stare switches to you and you suddenly feel small under it.

"long enough." before you can ask anything else, the surroundings have once again captured his attention and anything you say is drowned out by the indecipherable chatter around you. the scrutiny he puts everything around him under just from his gaze is admirable, and for a bodyguard, he certainly does tick all the boxes.

you're barely able to contain your sigh as you decide to take a different approach to gain his attention.

the first few shops you drag him into are innocent trips to buy clothes; there's a party you've been invited to in a few months and you have yet to find a suitable outfit. every attempt you make is ignored skillfully, every dress, skirt and pair of short shorts you hold up he pays no attention to.

when you've finally had enough, you spot a lingerie store with a wicked sense of delight.

"you can wait outside for this one," you tease with a smirk and an airy wave. at first, you're sure he's about to protest until he sees what shop you're leading him into and complies, stopping by the entrance to the store. as if to rub it in more, you taunt him once more. "unless you're curious what i wear underneath my clothes?" as you turn to head inside, you swear you see the faintest taint of pink over his tanned cheeks.

over the next few weeks, haechan seems to understand why none of your previous bodyguards have lasted long. it's also clear to him you'll do almost anything just to piss off your father, anything to get a reaction from him. in a way he feels sorry for you, having to go to such extremes for attention only to be shouted at by the one person who should care about you the most.

haechan has also learned to not mention your mother at all in any conversation where she's not present, as it without fail turns whatever mood you're in into a worse one. that's a whole other issue he doesn't want to rush into, however, and usually lets you do whatever you want.

after the first week, you'd finally started warming up to the idea of having him around you all the time. as much as you hated to admit, it was quite nice to have someone around whose primary role was to care about you.

it had been a long day, and it vaguely concerns haechan when you rush into your bedroom faster than usual, letting the door slam shut with a bang.

he doesn't hear anything else from you until after night has fallen and crying seeps into the hallway.

on instinct, it fills him with an anxious sort of unease and he knocks on your door. in the silence of the hallway, it's clear you're surprised to be disturbed as you stop sniffling for a second before opening the door slightly.

"are you okay?" you hear something in his voice that you haven't before; concern. every time haechan's shown worry or apprehension so far it's been in response to your surroundings, to the people around you. hearing such blatant worry for nothing other than your mental wellbeing only makes the tears fall faster and he doesn't know what to do.

all of his previous clients have been strictly physical protection, nothing similar to the struggles that are currently troubling you. with no clue what else to do, he slips in through the small crack in your door and envelopes his arms around you. the action is unexpected and you tense in surprise before melting into his embrace.

after a few minutes stood by the door, you let him pull you back to your bed, sitting against the headboard so you can rest your head in his lap. his fingers scrape gently through over your scalp and you can feel yourself being pulled into sleep.

a nagging thought in the back of your mind reminds you this is haechan, your bodyguard. nothing more, nothing less, just someone your father employed to keep you safe. in your fragile mental state, you decide to let yourself ignore that one night and let someone care for you.

in the morning, neither of mention the events that transpired the night before. you'd woken up to an empty bed, something you were eternally grateful for as you don't think you handle seeing him again so soon. the morning seems to drag on and you take your time getting ready as a distraction.

haechan had seen you in your most vulnerable state, and even though you hadn't told him the reason for your breakdown, you were sure he could probably guess. it seemed every day you and your father would fight about more insignificant things. it pained him to watch, but it wasn't his place to say anything.

when you finally emerge from your bedroom, haechan meets your eyes and offers you a fleeting smile before his features settle into their familiar glare.

life goes on, you suppose.

a rare type of excitement pumps through you as you stare at haechan through the mirror of your dressing table. recently he'd been spending more time sat in your bedroom than stood outside it. it was a nice change, and you felt less alone when you sit to do homework into the early hours of the morning.

currently, he flips through a book he'd picked off your desk and he frowns at it in confusion. "you understand this?" he mumbles as he stares at the words on the page.

with a laugh, you realise he's reading your intro to classical mechanics textbook and stand to take it from his hands. "that's up for debate."

he watches you push yourself onto your tiptoes to put it back on the top shelf and averts his gaze when the dress you're wearing rides up your thighs. it was ridiculous how you'd convinced him to take you to this stupid college party he was sure wouldn't end well, but here is he. "are you nearly ready? you said it starts at eight?"

you choke down another laugh as you stare at the clock, "haechan," you start with a smirk, "i have to be fashionably late. it's part of my brand."

"your what?"

"my brand," at his still confused expression, you turn back around from the mirror to face him again, "i have an image to keep up."

"whatever you say, princess." the new name catches you off guard and you feel your stomach flip. careful to keep your expression neutral, you stand and grab your bag, suddenly wanting to be anywhere other than a confined space with haechan.

a party, as it turns out, is exactly what you need.

the moment your feet cross over the doorframe, you can feel your worries slip away, replaced by the hum of the music. quickly, you spot some of your friends from college and make your way over, a cup already being handed to you. a few people stare as you walk in, something you're used to, but today they stare for longer than usual and it takes a moment to realise they're staring at haechan.

as always, he's dressed in all black, only he's swapped his combat boots and tactical jacket for black sneakers and hoodie. for a college party, he looks too well dressed, but it's appreciated by many as he walks through the room.

it's clear to you he's unused to this type of attention and you grab his hand to pull him to where you and your friends stand. he shoots you a look before, as usual, starting to survey the people around.

"is this your boyfriend?" a short girl from your business class asks, you think her name is lily–or maybe laila. haechan doesn't hear and you're grateful as you shake your head and explain he's your bodyguard. she raises her eyebrows and scans his profile again. the action irks something inside you that you desperately push down. "is he single then?"

the emotion that shoots through you is so obviously jealously and yet you try and remain nonchalant, laughing it off and acting like you didn't want her to be swallowed by the ground. haechan's there for you, not for anyone else, and you want her to know that.

after flitting around the room talking to different people you know, some who you meet for the first time, you can feel the drinks start to take their toll. whoever decided a bottomless bar was a good idea for a party like this was horrendously wrong, and your head spins whilst a boy talks to you about an apprenticeship he's been offered.

"of course, i don't need the money, that's not why i'm doing it." haechan doesn't fail to conceal his surprise, eyebrows raising as he eyes you over the rim of your glass. you send back a look that you hope says he's an asshole, but in your state, you can't be sure how well you've achieved it. "i'm doing it for the experience." when it's appropriate, you nod along to what he's saying but it obvious you don't care and he leaves for someone else soon after.

"what's his problem?" haechan murmurs into your ear. you have to suppress a shiver at the proximity and shrug as you don't trust your voice.

"hyunjin, hey!" you shout when you spot a familiar face in the see of people, shooting through throngs of people to the tall boy. somewhere along the way to the bar, haechan loses sight of you, craning his neck to try and find the direction you escaped to.

hyunjin’s smile is wide and you fail to notice the pleased sweep of his eyes over your exposed chest. as you speak, he slowly moves closer to you, his breath hitting your neck and making you squirm. suddenly the music seems louder, he seems closer and you try to escape his grip when his hands settle on your waist.

you try to move away but you feel your head spin harshly and you have to catch the edge of the bar to stop yourself falling into him.

"you drunk enough." a familiar hand reaches to snatch the martini out of your hand, a frown taking over his soft features.

despite the displeasure on his face, you’re grateful to see him. he recognises the relief in the sigh you let out, and eyes you with concern. just as he’s about to ask you what’s wrong, hyunjin turns back around from the bartender and seems shocks to see haechan so close to you. he clearly doesn’t realise the man beside you is your bodyguard and shoots him a glare. “we were just heading out, actually.” hyunjin grabs hold of your wrist and tugs you towards him and you can’t help but yelp at the sudden movement.

“get your hands off her,” haechan’s voice is stony and almost unrecognisable. you chance a glance to his face and you feel a lick of fear at the cold glare on his face. if you thought he looked intimidating staring at strangers, this overpowers it tenfold. something dangerous shines behind his eyes and he encases hyunjin’s wrist in his hand, tightening his hold until he lets go of you.

“hey, what’s your problem?” hyunjin’s voice is cocky and you pray he shuts up before he digs a deeper whole for himself. “she wants to come home with me.”

“you think she’s in any state to go home with you, huh?” at the words, hyunjin seems to realise what he’s said and tries to backtrack, failing miserably. “leave her alone, yeah? before i throw you out of here.”

it's silent as haechan helps you back to the car, his jaw set in a hard line. you want to say something to ease the tension but you don't want to upset him. it's not your fault, but the cold look on his face is engrained behind you eyelids and you feel a wave of fear flush through you. you shouldn't be scared of him, but he looked so ready to kill hyunjin that you can't help but feel a new sense of unease next to him.

"are you okay?" he crouches next to the passenger seat after buckling your seatbelt for you, features settling back into the warmth you're used to. no matter how hard you try to hide your expression, he can easily see the fear in your eyes and sighs, letting his head drop between his arms. "i'm sorry for scaring you," he rests a hand on your thigh that has you heart rate speeding up despite your thoughts less than five minutes ago. "but it's my job to protect you, okay?" you say nothing in response.

"can we get pizza?" the shops whiz past your eyes as haechan drives, the streetlights blurring together. he shoots you a sideways look before sighing and nodding, trying to ignore the way your victorious smile makes him feel.

"we'll get takeout, okay? you wait in the car."

you would've listened to him, you really would have, if you hadn't seen a small knife drop from his pocket and onto the pavement. if you were sober, you would've just told him when he returned to the car, but in your drunken state, that knife seemed like haechan's most prized possession.

you slip out of the car on shaky legs, noticing the empty streets with fleeting anxiety but bend down to pick the knife up. right above the hand grip a tiny l.h. is engraved and you smile slightly. just as you turn to make your way back to the car, something hard hits the back of your head and you yelp.

haechan stands in the empty pizza shop waiting for the workers to finish your order. he can still feel the remaining wisps of anger from his standoff with that boy you were talking to, but tries to ignore it for your sake. the posters on the wall catch his attention and he reads about the movies showing downtown, mentally noting the ones he knows you will eventually drag him to see.

the workers are rushing around behind the counter and he sighs, excited to get back into the warmth of the car and finally get back to the house.

the excitement drains out of him when he hears a scream. a scream that sounds identical to yours.

he's outside in a flash, eyes shooting every direction to see where the noise came from. the empty passenger seat of the car catches his eye and he swears loudly. reaching for his knife, he stills when he feels the pocket empty, instead grabbing the pistol from the inside of his jacket.

a muffled cry escapes an alley next to the shop and he sprints towards the sound, turning the corner and seeing you being pulled further into the darkness. for a fraction of a second, his eyes meet yours and the teary panic he sees is enough to have him seeing red. the man pulling you back hasn't noticed him yet and he uses this to his advantage, pulling his fist back and launching it at your attacker's face. it's masked and you're unable to see the damage, but a crack rings out.

you feel infinitely more sober than you did in the car and you try to pull yourself out of the man's arms but your head feels heavy and you sway dangerously. your eyes shut as you fall forwards, the man's arm around you stopping you from falling. the angle gives haechan the perfect shot and you scream as a bang rings out, echoing through your head painfully. the arms around you disappear and you lurch forwards until something catches you. you scream again and try and get away from whoever's holding you.

"hey, hey, it's me, it's me." haechan's voice is like music to your ears and you allow yourself to go limp in his grip, sobs starting to wrack your body. you can feel him carrying you back to the car, the pizza long forgotten. when he places you down in the passenger seat again, you don't want to let go of him and he has to pry your hands off him. "you're okay," he whispers as he holds you, rubbing a hand up and down your back soothing. "we're fine."

even if in that moment, everything feels the polar opposite of fine, something about the way he says it makes you want more than anything to believe him.

the walls of your bedroom muffle the voices from downstairs. haechan had carried you upstairs and settled you into your bed before whispering about a debriefing he had to attend. and now here you sit, alone and shaking, reliving the moments you had thought your life may have been over. there's still a throbbing to your head and you will your eyes to shut and for sleep to overtake you, but every time you try the memories bubble back up to the surface. it's exhausting, but you eventually come to terms with knowing you won't be able to sleep until haechan comes back.

the scariest thing is, every time you think about those last few moments before haechan turned up, you really thought you would never see him again. you thought you would never see the daylight again, and yet your thoughts weren't plagued with messages for your parents, or things you wished you had told your friends. no, the only person you thought of was haechan.

you know what that means, but you try and ignore the feeling growing in your chest, turning over and burrowing your head into your pillows.

for the next hour, you slip in and out of shallow sleep as you wait for the meeting to finish. you're somewhere between the two when you hear the door click and your bed dip beside you. haechan must've known you wouldn't be able to sleep and he sits against your headboard like the last time he was in your bed, pulling your head into his lap gently.

"how're you feeling?" the words are whispered into the air and you hate how much his voice calms you.

"my head hurts." haechan pities the pain in your voice and looks down at the awkward angle of you neck, an internal battle waging in his head.

a few long seconds later and he's slipping further into your bed, pulling you up so your head is resting in the crook of his neck. "c'mere." the position is much more comfortable, and you sigh in contentment, trying to ignore the smell of his cologne that's slowly overtaking your senses.

you bask in the silence for a few minutes, trying to fall back asleep before realising you need to tel him what's plaguing your mind. in the safety of his neck, you mumble to try and conserve the peace in the room. "y'know, i really thought i was gonna die back there–"

"stop." haechan reaches one of his arms around your shoulders and pulls you further into him. the act is so gentle, as if you're made of glass and he mumbles his words into the top of your head. "you don't need to do this."

"but i want you to know," with a sense of desperation, you pull away from his embrace to meet his eyes. they're sad, and you know you probably look like a complete wreck right now, but you can't bring yourself to care. the only thing you can focus on is how much you want him to know his importance in your life. "i didn't think of my parents. i thought of y–"

"stop, really. you'll regret doing this." but you can't imagine regretting telling him anything. you've only known him for a few months, and yet you've never held trust in someone like this before.

sick of watching him avoid your gaze, you bury your face back into his neck and smile at the shiver that rolls down his spine when you speak against his skin. "i never liked them. they never cared about anything i did. i only ever wanted to make them proud, but they wouldn't even listen to me."

haechan's in dangerous territory, and he knows it. he can't sit here and insult his employers, but he's seen the way they treat you. as if you've never done anything worthwhile, but they were never there to see your achievements. he battles his thoughts for a few moments, trying to think of the best response. "they do care for you, they just can't show it well." it's weak, even he can tell, but he needs to say something. he wants nothing more than to shelter you from them, take you away from this house and show you what it's like to have someone be proud of you, to care for you wholeheartedly. but he can't, it's stupid to even entertain that thought.

"you care more than they do," the tone you speak with is bitter, and you pull away once again to look up at him. somewhere in the deep brown of his eyes is an emotion you think is something akin to love, but you think you might be imagining it. haechan's paid to be here, you need to remember. "but then i guess you're paid to."

"hey–" this is exactly where he didn't want the conversation to go, because he can't tell you what he really thinks whilst still in the confines of your house, not where your parents could hear every word.

"i'm not wrong, though, am i? you're only here because they're paying you–"

"i would've left if i didn't care."

you sigh and let yourself fall back into his embrace. "i'm gonna pretend like i believe you, just for tonight." no more words are exchanged, but he leans down to press a delicate kiss to the exposed skin on your forehead. the act is so tender, so familiar, you feel tears line your eyes. it's stupid, to cry at being held like this, but in a desolate horizon, haechan is your beaming spark of hope.

another month floats by and you and haechan continue your relationship than slips so easily between professional and something more than. it leaves you confused a lot of the time, but you try and ignore it, instead deciding to focus on the present.

the present right now leaves you stood in front of a fancy restaurant, a booking for you and one of you childhood friends ready and waiting. "i'll be by the door, scream if you need me, okay?" you chuckle at the serious tone of haechan's voice before hurrying over to your table where jennie sits waiting.

the girl stands when you near her, a wide smile taking over her features as she pulls you into a hug "how have you been? i haven't seen you in years!"

over the first course of food, you catch up about each other's lives, chatting about the various things you’ve been involved in recently. after what jennie deems an appropriate amount of time, she shifts her attention to the boy stood behind you.

"is that your boyfriend." her curious eyes scan over haechan who, as promised, stands by the door, staring at his phone. the sight makes you smile as you realise he's probably playing candy crush or some other stupid game to pass the time.

"no," you chuckle, although you would love more than anything to say yes, to be able to sit and claim him as yours, and no one else's. but you can't lie to jennie, as much as you want to. "it's just haechan, my bodyguard." just haechan sounds wrong coming from your lips.

"bodyguard? your dad's still got a lot of enemies, huh?" jennie shoots you a concerned frown which you try and laugh off. out of all the friends you've ever had, jennie's the only one with a somewhat similar upbringing; moving around a lot, feeling as if your parents are absent for more than half of your childhood. you had bonded over your situations in middle school and had kept in touch even when she moved to new zealand for sixth grade.

just as she's telling you about her new job at a fashion company, you blurt out the question bothering you."does the lemonade taste weird to you?" it's metallic almost on your tongue and it catches you off guard.

"no, i think it's just a bit tangy."

"oh, yeah probably" you laugh airily, but a cold wave on unease washes through you. it's unclear what's causing your anxiety, and you're suddenly confused why you're even on edge. on instinct, you look for haechan and seeing him still leaning on the wall by the door gives you a small sense of calm.

"are you sure? you look a bit–" jennie's words are drowned out in your mind by the wheezing of your throat. it's uncomfortable, as if someone is squeezing your lungs, trapping the air out, and preventing you from taking a full breath in.

"yeah, do you think we could step outside for a sec? i think i need some fresh air." the chair scrapes under you but you ignore it and make a beeline for the side door, clean air the only thought on your mind.

"of course, are you sure you're okay." outside, you fail to find the relief you're looking for and try to swallow down the metallic taste. you find it difficult to, however, and you concentrate on the movement as jennie crouches in front of you. you hadn't even realised you'd sat down.

unable to resist any longer, you give up and speak up in a hoarse voice. "can you go get haechan?" jennie nods and disappears for a minute. in the quiet, the only thing you can hear is your laboured breathing and the distant chatter from inside. it sounds like you're underwater, the voices seem so far away, as if you're sinking.

"what's wrong?" haechan's before you in an instant, hands gripping the sides of your face and eyes scanning your body for any obvious injuries. you try to speak but nothing comes out and you feel your legs give way underneath you, sliding down the wall onto the ground.

"i don't know–" the voice that speaks doesn't sound like you're own. it's hoarse and breathless and you can feel yourself losing the strength to speak again.

"she said the drink tasted weird." haechan's blood runs cold at jennie's words. you don't fail to notice the panic in his eyes and it does nothing to calm your now racing heartbeat. you feel a chill come over you and when you reach your hands up to find haechan's they shake violently.

despite the alarm on his face, his voice is calm and authoritative and it reminds you of the first time you had ever heard him speak. you wish fleetingly to go back to that moment, to be able to meet him for the first time again. "call an ambulance."

"what?" jennie's voice is close by but muffled by your own heartbeat that pounds in your ears.

"call an ambulance and tell them she's been poisoned." you feel his arms gently set you onto your side before his words register in your head. “try and breathe for me, princess.” the action is futile and you try so hard to do as he says but your head feels heavier with every feeble motion of your lungs.

“you’re gonna be fine, baby.” it's the last thing you hear before your hearing gives up on you. haechan's hands finally find you own, skin hot against yours, and you try to squeeze them but you can't get your fingers to move. you feel like a statue, watching the scene in front of play out with no strength to do anything.

black spots start toying at the edge of your vision and you feel the ground beneath your shoulder. you're on your side, you think. but you can't remember moving anymore.

haechan's hands remain in yours and you try to take a breath in, feeling your lungs expand weakly before the last little bit of energy drains out of you. the last thing you see is haechan's face, an expression of terror on his face as he shakes your shoulders. his mouth is moving but you can't hear anything he's saying, instead letting the darkness overcome your senses.

it's calming, almost, the warm embrace of sleep. you feel like you haven't slept in years, maybe never. with an empty feeling settling inside you and haechan’s face burning behind your eyelids, you allow yourself to slip into the blackness.

the first thing you're aware of is a warmth over your arm. and then a beeping. and then painfully bright light shining behind your eyelids. the smell of harsh disinfectant fills your nose and you feel starchy sheets underneath your bare legs. an attempt to breathe in leaves you coughing painfully as you realise your lungs feel like they’re made of sandpaper.

the sound awakens haechan from his light sleep, eyes shooting open to find you squinting down at him. everything is too bright and you try to bring a hand up to cover them before finding it covered in wires. you hand is pushed back down and a cup of water is brought to your lips. it feels heavenly against your dry throat and you try to drink more before it's pulled out of your reach.

"hey, hey, slow down," the familiar tone is a welcome change and you find your mind coming up blank as to where you are. haechan smiles down at you, a soft glimmer to his eyes, one you haven't seen in what feels like so long. "the nurse said you shouldn't drink too much yet."

"what happened?" your voice is scratchy and painful to listen to. the boy before you smiles sadly and sits on the edge of the bed after pushing the barrier down. you've managed to work out you're in a hospital, but you're still unable to place the reason behind your visit.

"you were poisoned." the words trigger something in your brain and your memories come flooding back. the lemonade, the confusion, the darkness. it's the second time you've been close to death, and the second time haechan's been the last thought on your mind. you promise yourself you won't let him slip away, not this time.

"i remember," his fingers interlace with yours, thumb rubbing along the back of your hand. "i thought i was gonna die."

"you nearly did," a new voice enters the room and you turn to see a tall woman in a white coat. "and you would have done if it wasn't for this man's quick thinking." she waves a clipboard in haechan's direction and he looks away, embarrassed to be in the spotlight. "the paramedics knew exactly what they were turning up to, cut a lot of time for treatment.” the words make haechan blush.

the doctor stays for a while longer, explaining your treatment plan and adjusting your medications. she gives you some stronger painkillers and says you should be fine to leave after another night of observation.

as soon as you're alone again, you turn to haechan, only to find he's already staring at you. "you know what i'm gonna say." the words are whispered and you let him move up the bed to lie beside you.

"just say it, get it over with." unlike last time, his voice doesn't sound as hopeless and you wonder if he prepared himself for this conversation. it was inevitable, to be fair.

"you were my last thought." haechan's cologne is strong in your nose as you drop your head onto his shoulder. "i wasn't scared about dying, haechan, i was scared about never seeing you again." the tears fill your eyes and you do nothing to stop them falling onto haechan's hoodie.

his shoulder moves when he sighs, an arm wrapping around your shoulders and your taken back to the last time you were sat like this. "i love you, i need you to know that, okay?" it's all you can hope to hear, but you know he hasn't stopped talking yet. "but i don't know if we can do this."

"why can't we just leave?" your voice is pleading and it pulls at haechan's heartstrings. he wants to badly to give in, but the future would be too uncertain.

"your parents would hunt us down."

"then let's flee the country, i don't care–"

"you can't just leave your parents–"

"where are they?" when you had woken up, you hadn't failed to notice their lack of presence and it didn't hurt as much as it should have anymore. a guilt look passes behind haechan's eyes and he doesn't even need to say it for you to understand.

"on a business trip."

"let's just go, haechan. they don't want us here anymore."

the desperate glimmer in your eyes is enough to convince haechan, who knows he would have agreed to it anyway. he would always agree with you. "if you want to. i'll do anything for you princess."

when you turn to face him, the proximity between your faces is significantly less than what you expected and you find your breath hitching in your throat. it catches him off guard as well and you watch his eyes flicker down to your lips and back up to your eyes quickly. you can’t help but smirk as you lean in, resting your free hand on his chest to push yourself up to meet his lips.

the kiss is warm and comforting and everything you need in that moment. he slips a hand around your waist and pulls you closer to him, using his other one to cup your jaw and tilt your head up. the angle allows you to deepen the kiss and haechan sighs into it. a few seconds pass and your lungs are burning for oxygen.

you break away first, resting your forehead against his and drinking in as much air as you can before leaning back into him. right before your lips meet again, you hear the heart rate monitor speed up and your cheeks burn in embarrassment.

“why is your heart beating so fast?” haechan teases with a laugh.

“shut up.” you huff out before closing the distance one again and meeting his lips with a new sense of hope filling you.

a/n; thank you so much for reading!! it means a lot to me!!

1K notes · View notes

jumoonjae · 3 years

Text

Right Through the Heart: Chapter 2

Pairings: Juyeon X Reader X Sunwoo

Genre: Action

Warnings: Violence

Word Count: 7k Words

A/N: I’m super duper sorry for the delay, really got carried away while editing it. I hope you enjoy this one and sorry again.

Image are not mine. Full credit to the owner.

The sound of fast paced footsteps and heavy breathing echoes throughout the dark narrow alley located in the hidden part of the city where two figure wearing all black from two different sides, looking like nothing more than a shadow in the darkness of the night. It was one of the suspect who escaped from the scene where his team ambushed a lair of alleged human trafficking. Few suspect had been caught while one manage to escape that had him in pursuit for almost fifteen minutes straight and leads to this exact alley. Juyeon pick up his pace and stretched his hands to reach the suspect’s hood but missed it by an inch almost making him stumbled. But he manage to balance his body and keep chasing the suspect.

When the suspect took a turn into a corner, he follows and without him knowing, the guy had been waiting for him by the wall. A punch thrown at the moment he take his turn but his instinct is fast enough to block the punch by shielding the side of his face using his forearm and take his own swing hitting the suspect right on his nose causing the suspect to stumble back head ricocheting against the wall.

“Put your hands on the back of your head where i can see it.” Juyeon said firmly taking his gun from his back and point it to the suspect. But he didn’t budge, he look back and forth to Juyeon and the gun he was holding trying plan his next moves.

“While I’m still being nice.” He added, but the suspect still didn’t comply and stare straight into Juyeon’s eyes in a challenging manner. He know the suspect had figure the nature of the law; only use guns as your last resort.

He suddenly took a step forward and throw a kick aiming to Juyeon’s ribs but Juyeon took a step back just enough to counter the kick sending the suspect stumbling to the side. Without giving him any time to react, he spin his body and a hard kick landed right on the suspect jaw shoving him to the ground unconscious.

“I warned you.” Juyeon quipped as he walk towards the unconscious man trying to think of a way to take him back to his team since he dropped hid radio along the way. But then a sound of a gunshot stop him from walking and he turn around immediately with his gun ready to point to anyone behind him. He saw another man a younger one, too young to even hold a gun. He was in startled state constantly looking at Juyeon and up to the roof on the building from across the streets looking like he just seen a ghost.

“Put the gun down and we will walk out of here alive.” Juyeon said slowly trying to talk the guy out so no one will be harmed.

“No!” The guy yelled still holding his gunpoint to Juyeon and still constantly looking in fear and determination. Distracted.

He was way too distracted and Juyeon took the opportunity to take a step forward swiftly taking the gun from the guy and twist his hand to his back pushing his body down kneeling to the ground using his weight.

“Juyeon.” He look back to see one of his teammate running to him and stops to catch his breath with both hands on each side of his knee.

“Did you do all that?” He asks straighten his body and put his hands on his waist still panting hard looking at both suspect then to Juyeon.

“Not really.” He said looking up to the dark roof where the suspect keep glancing to, trying to make out any form of human then back to the suspect’s gun and lean over to take a closer look. It has dent on the rear grip, like it was shot with another bullet.

“What is it?” Sangyeon asks

“Nothing.” Juyeon said before getting the first suspect up with Sangyeon’s help to walk back to where their team was.

“Good instinct.” You said taking your eyes away from the scope as side smile grow on your face when he take one last glance to where you were and you swear he was looking straight to your eyes before turning on his heels and walk away. You pack your sniper riffle into the case and wait until they’re no where to be seen before you got out from behind the stacks of boxes and walk to the opposite side through the roof where you had been following him since the beginning of his mission.

You drive your black hummer deeper into the base after going through the usual security check. You lean forward looking through your windshield looking at two helicopter flying above you ready to land on the designated area. You parked your car on your own spot and hop off the vehicle.

“Chan.” You called when you saw the said guy walking closer to you from the helicopter and he gave you his usual sweet smile while waving at you. “Sniper.” He beamed

“I have a name Chan.” You chuckled while getting your sniper riffle from the back seat and he raise his eyebrow looking at the riffle then to you. You shut the back door and shake your head walking into the building followed by him.

“Did you bring back my captain in one piece?” You ask turning around making him chuckle.

“Yes ma’am and your best friend too.” He said gesturing his hand to the helicopter where two of your team carrying a crate on both side and place it on the ground before getting back in while Chan’s team loading the crate into a truck to be transferred into the building.

“How was it?” You asks him now walking side by side into the building greeting a few mechanic who was on their night shift.

“It turns out that this, the one that we just took down was one of their lair.” He said and you stop walking looking at him in disbelief.

“What? The informer didn’t look it through?”

“I think they overlooked it and i just got an information that the business might be owned by one of the minister.”

“You’ve got to be kidding.” You groaned out loud gaining every attention inside the huge garage. “We don’t take chained cases and the one that is connected to any of the minister Chan. Don’t risk this division. Its not worth it.” You said but the guy was way too flustered to say anything back. It was the first time you ever snap on him since you just start to loosen up to the two team just recently despite being there for almost four years.

“Its too late Y/N.” Sunwoo appeared from the outside with Changmin walking behind him.

“If we mess with the blue house they have more than enough power to take us down.” You said now looking at your own captain then to Changmin who now standing directly in front of you.

“Its already done for Y/N don’t blame us, we don’t know either.” He said through gritted teeth clearly didn’t like how you lash out on the other’s team captain. But you couldn’t take it when your team throw them self into the pit that you had been trying to keep them away from.

“Hey, we do what we always do best okay.” Chan touching your shoulder gently to calm you down as the atmosphere between you and Sunwoo started to tense. You ignored him before stomping into your team’s quarters right between SKZ and ATZ team.

“Whoa, easy.” Haknyeon said when he heard the main door slams shut and saw you walking straight to the weapon room without greeting them like you always did.

“What’s wrong with her?” Haknyeon asks when Sunwoo and Changmin enters the room.

“Its about the case.”

“Y/N we don’t know about it.” Sunwoo said chasing after you into the weapon room and close the door behind him, walking to you who was placing back your sniper riffle onto its place.

“You should’ve infiltrate those place first Sunwoo, like we always did. Why did you skip that crucial process? We always double check every cases before proceeding with the mission. What had gotten into you? You just risk this place by meddling with one of the power from the blue house and if they found out about us, if the whole board agree that we are the threat, even the president couldn’t protect us.” You yelled aggressively, putting him in silence.

“We just want it to end sooner.”

“Now look where it get you. You need to track them one by one for god knows how long and we had to put other case on pending. This need to be done immediately Sunwoo, we need to take them all down before they found us and tear this place apart.”

“I’m sorry Y/N.”

“Just forget it.”

“I’ve heard about it.” Was the only thing that came out from Lt. General Lee when you came to his office the next night. Sitting on the chair opposite from him just like last time when he decided to hand his sons life to your hands. The only difference was the atmosphere wasn’t as tight as last time. But you still hadn’t over upsetting about the profound information about the recent case.

“Let your and two other team worry about that, ATZ will back you up as soon as they done with their mission. I heard you lash out on Chan and your captain last night.” You look down picking your nail, you wanted to say you didn’t mean to but it was done, even if you did feel slightly bad about it.

“But it was me Y/N, who is at fault for not looking deeper into the case before authorizing it.” He said as his eyes looking at you with a glint of guilt in his eyes. “Let me help them fix this.” You suggested but he shake his head making you furrowed your brow.

“I understand how you feel Y/N, I’m worried about the consequences of this mission too, about this divsion’s wellbeing. But you and I are well aware that if this case leads to one of the minister, no one can handle it other than us. You know the official force wont dare to take this mission for their own good.” He explained and you couldn’t be more agree to it.

“But it’ll risk this place.” You sighed. “and us.”

“The president have our back remember.”

“I know but-”

“Just focus on Juyeon for now Y/N. If he safe, this place will be safe.”

“But he don’t have enough power to save us. He just started and he is in the lowest rank.”

“That is your job Y/N. If he’s doing great in every mission, it wont take long for him to climb up the ranks. But the thing is, he isn’t greedy for ranks. You need to push him without him knowing. But this might cost him getting an enemy within his team and by that time you need to keep an eye on his own team rather than the real enemy he is facing.” He paused for a moment as a small proud smile creep on his face as he leans back to his chair both elbow prepped on the arm rest, hands clasp together.

“I heard Juyeon was praised for his first mission. Was it you?”

“No, its him. I just followed him around.” You said and a relieved sighed escaped the old man’s lips. It was the first time you’ve seen his fatherly side, and it suddenly made you wonder, if your father is still around would he look like him? It was also the first time you ever took in every detail of his features and his eyes strikes you the most. if the wrinkle and the eye bag wasn’t there, you could see Juyeon’s when you look at it.

“He’s doing great sir. You can leave him to me,” you exhales, before leaning forward, elbows on your tight. “I promise I’ll take care of him.”

“Here,” he said while pulling the drawer from under his desk and pushed two black box across the desk closer to you

“One for you and one for my son.” You scoot over to take one of the box placing it on your lap before giving him a suspicious look that he just chuckle to. You slowly open the box revealing an expensive looking black watch and you place it on the desk before opening another box that has larger version of the first one. You look back to the man asking for explanation.

“I asked your favorite dongsaeng to plant a tracker on it just like the one he made for your team. But the one could track him is the one who had the pair, no one could ever track him aside from you. Not even me.”

“Why?” You asked not getting why he trust you too much

“In case they found out about this division, we all have records, an army records. But you’re not an army Y/N, you don’t even exist anywhere inside the database. You’re just a normal citizen. So if this pla-”

“Don’t say it please.” You cut him off

“But instead of protecting him why don’t i just protect you and keep you here?”

“I’m old Y/N and when you get older, you starts to malfunction.” He said leaning back on his chair eyes still looking at you. “I keep forgetting things these day Y/N.” He confessed while looking to his own picture on the wall, wearing his full uniform and medals. You feel sorry for him, and you too looking to his picture probably taken years ago when he still look healthy and young. When you look back to him, he already looking at you with a hopeful eyes.

“I trust you Y/N. Don’t let me down.”

“You really don’t have to.” You silently watch as Juyeon bit his lips to contain the growing smile on his face.

“They only had this kind of design for couple set and besides i get lesser price for the set.” You lied showing him your own that matched the one you gave him and you could see how his eyes sparkle that tug some string from the pit of your stomach.

“Thank you Y/N.” He said taking off his own watch and replace it with the one you bought then shows it to you with the brightest smile.

“Take it as a friendship token. Don’t you ever take it off.” You playfully threaten him making him chuckle.

“By the way how was it?” You asks flipping the meat on the round griller in the middle of the table taking in the nice scent that make your stomach to grumble so hard that Juyeon gave you a comical look and you grinned sheepishly. “What, my mission?”

“Mhm.” You nod tasting the end of your chopstick deciding to take the meat that almost cooked before he beat you to it, placing the meat on your bowl. “Its okay.”

“Okay.” You said knowing that he probably couldn’t give you the full detail and dig in your own food in silence.

“Which museum do you work in by the way?” He asks almost making you choke on your own food,

“I don’t work in a museum Juyeon, I work with the research team, i work in the field with the expedition team.”

“Yeah, where’s the base?” He asks again almost making you broke a cold sweat. You didn’t thought about it to that extend.

“Y/N?” You whip your head instantly to the voice and you never been so glad to see the guy who was approaching you while waving with the sweetest smile he always wear.

“Oh hey.” You wave back trying to hide that you were glad that he decided to show up at the right time and Juyeon look back to see the said man. “Are you alone?” You ask, looking around to look for his fiancée then back to him when you couldn’t find any familiar faces.

“No actually my friend wanted to try this new barbeque restaurant.” He answered before turning his head to look at Juyeon then back to you with his both eyebrow raised.

“Oh this is Juyeon, Juyeon this is my cousin. Chanhee.”

“Your boyfriend? Gosh, you even have a couple watch.” You almost choked at the word boyfriend but before you could correct him, he cut you off.

“Its good to know you’ve been seeing someone.” He said taking the seat right next to you. “I’m always worried that she’ll die alone you know.” You hit his shoulder at the word making both men to chuckle.

“How could you be so sure? I’m probably seeing someone without you knowing.” “With that shitty work hours of your? I highly doubt that” He brush you off looking to Juyeon like he was going to spill your most sacred secrets. “She always came back in the morning looking like a mess and didn’t even take a shower. Oh and you know, we normal people drink coffee in the morning, can you guess what he drinks in the morning?.” He lean forward to Juyeon and you pull the back of his neck to make him sit back on his chair.

“What?” Juyeon ask eyes glimmering with pure interest.

“A scotch.” Chanhee cover the side of his face with his palm hiding it away from you and smile smugly right after making you heaved a super long sigh.

“Stop it.” You grip the back of his neck and rock his body left to right while gritting your teeth while he just laughing at you.

“Oh so you two live together?” Juyeon asks.

“Yeah. I feel bad for her.” He said releasing your tight grip from the back of his neck.

“You don’t have to tell him that.” You cut Chanhee off from telling the same thing he always did when you both hanging out with other people.

“What, your boyfriend need to know that.”

“Know what?” Juyeon ask stopping you both from bickering.

“When her parents died, my family couldn’t take her in and she end up growing up in the orphanage.”

“But we still went to the same school and same class.” You said smiling looking at your cousin.

“I think the orphanage was cool you know, they even teach them self defence. You really should see how she flip that guy back in high school who keep picking a fight with me and gosh i feel so safe hanging out with her.” He said rubbing his chest dramatically while juyeon look at you with one eyebrow raised.

“well my skill is gone now since i haven’t been practicing it for years.” You lied again and he just nod.

“But right after high school, we were separated and lost contact just until few years back.” Your cousin said while looking at you like he always did. Look of relieved.

“He still feel bad and force me to live with him.” You look away from him to cut the emotional silence that engulfs.

“But she always away anyway working, working, working. I remember that one time she didn’t show up for two weeks and i couldn’t even reach her.” He start again with his eye roll and scoffs.

“Yeah, my work consist of being in the jungle, with no reception digging the soil and stuff for the artifact. Sometimes the expedition took almost a month.” You reasoned out and Juyeon nod. It was a lie Eric came up with for you to tell Chanhee at first since you’re always away for your mission, and sometime you just like spending your time at the base.

“Whatever. By the way Jiwon already picked a dress for you since you didn’t show up when we did fitting two days ago.” Chanhee said as he took the meat from your bowl and shove it inside his mouth.

“Sorry. I got caught up with work.”

“Figured.” Chanhee said rolling his eyes for the ninth time that night. “You can pick it up this weekend and take Juyeon with you. They really have a nice suit collection there you know.” He said with full enthusiasm

“Sure, we can go check it out. Right Y/N?” Juyeon said making you stop glaring at Chanhee from eating too much of your meat.

“But you already have a suit, the one that you wear on our dinner last time.” “Ooh you both went on a dinner? Suit? Probably at some expensive restaurant.” Chanhee looking at you teasingly.

“Mind your own business Choi Chanhee.”

“Just go. You’ll be getting a discount you cheap ass. What, does your work doesn’t pay you enough?”

“Fyi, I’m not interesting in investing my money for something that i will wear only once in a lifetime. Such a waste.”

“Whatever. Cheap ass. That’s why you’re single you don’t even dress to impress.”

“Excuse you, what’s wrong with what am i wearing?” you said turning your body facing him and he look at you up and down judgingly.

“No one wears a ugly hoodie on a date Y/N.”

“Shut it. And stop eating my food you dumbass.” You said trying to snatch the chopstick away from his hand while Juyeon just chuckle at the way you and your cousin keep bickering.

“Fine!” He said placing the chopstick right in front of you after eating almost half of your portion and you scoffed at hi annoyingly. “I’ll get going first. Its good to see you Juyeon, I’ll see you at the wedding.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

“Sorry about him. He’s quite talkative.”

“Its fine.”

“And uh, about the boyfriend thing, can you please play along for a little while. I’m tired hearing his never ending nags about me being single.”

“Sure. But if I may ask,” He paused and you nod waiting for him to finish his words.

“Have you ever dated before?” he asked carefully and you snorts glaring at him. “I did.” You shrugged. “I’ve dated before, its just that maybe we’re not compatible, and i don’t have much time to spend with him and i think he don’t like that.” You said remembering the guy that Chanhee had hook you up. You really did try your best to make it work, but he just couldn’t understand your work hour and you can’t just come clean about what your actual work is.

“I see.”

“I’m fine though, i think I’ll meet someone when the time is right.”

“True, you really don’t need to rush anything about it.”

“What about you?” You asks

“I was long time ago.” He said smiling down spinning his glass of soju, you lean closer anticipating his next words and when he saw you, he just smile as an exhales escaped his nose and he lean back.

“We met back when I’m still in military school. We went to the same church, i had a massive crush on her and when i found out she had a crush on me too i was delighted.” You could see the glint of happiness in his eyes when he mentioned her, it shine so bright that you had to look away for a brief moment when you felt uneasiness inside your chest before looking back at him.

“When i got deployed, she stayed even if its hard for her to reach me.” Then his smile slowly fades as his eyes wander elsewhere. “She always been there for me even when I couldn’t been there for her. Her graduation day, her birthday and every special occasion.” He stops and stare into the spaces for a little while. But when the silence became unbearable, you force yourself to take a guess, even deep down you know how it ends just by the look on his face.

“she broke up with you?”

“No, I did.” He said as he pressed his lips forming a thin line that forces a smile. But before you could ask why, he shift his gaze to met yours.

“I can’t keep her waiting. Two year is long enough and I don’t want to stop doing what I was doing that time.”

“Did you try to call her when you got back?”

“I did. But I think she changed her number.”

“I’m sorry.” Is all you could say to him because you don’t know how to comfort people when you are so used to be alone. You felt bad for him, but he smiled instead, shaking his head apologetically.

“No, I’m sorry for telling you that. I just don’t know. Its good to finally let it out though.”

“Its fine Juyeon. You can tell me anything you know. We’re friend right?” you said in order to make him smile again. And he did. The smile that you swear you wont get tired by looking at it every second.

“Here.” He said placing a meat into your bowl and the watch that he was wearing caught your attention, you don’t know why but it look really good on his wrist, then you notice how tiny and short the chopstick that he was holding. “Stop staring at my hand.” He said teasingly and you snorts taking your own chopstick starting to dig on your food.

“By the way, my mom been asking about you.” you soften just at the remembrance of the sweet woman.

“She did?” You asks softly as a smile slowly growing on your face.

“Yeah.”

“How is she?”

“She’s doing great. She been wanting to come over and invite you for dinner again but I was kind of busy since its just two week since I’ve been transferred.” “I’d like to have a dinner with her soon.” You said with a big smile and Juyeon pouts to your words causing your heart to soars.

“What about me?” He said still pouting and a laugh erupted from you seeing that adorable side of him for the first time.

“We are having dinner now you dummy. We had plenty of it already and I think I gained so much weight because of you.” You said with laughter making him smile and scratch the back of his head.

“You’re beautiful even if you gained some.” He said making your laughter to die down as your stomach flutters by his sudden compliment. He too seems to be taken aback by his own words and bit his lips, the habit that you find so endearing. He cleared his throat and you immediately tear your eyes away from him shoving your food into your mouth. He look away hiding the growing smile seeing how flustered you were.

“How about we take a walk down at Hongdae right after, I haven’t had time to look around since I started right away after moving in.” He suggested after a long awkward silence and you nod, still avoiding his eyes.

“Sure.”

“You still mad at me?” Sunwoo asks breaking the silence since the ride from the base until you both started hiking the trail on the hill.

“No.” You huffed eyes trained to the mark on the trees that you had left few days ago while infiltrating the area and doesn’t even bother to look back at him. You’ve been planning to go on this mission by your own since they found dozens of active factory, from small yard factory to a massive one that you are now heading to. All three team had joined hand dividing into a few smaller team to retreat any document that can be used as a evident or maybe an insurance for your divison’s safety until Lt. General figure out how to deal with it if its true that everything is connected to one of the minister.

You slow down when you finally hear the sound of river flowing and as the sound get clearer, you found your last mark on a huge tree, stopping right in front of it. Sunwoo walk past you a few steps but you block his way by stretching your arm without looking away from the tree.

“Watch your step, its a thousand feet drop.” You said nonchalantly before checking on your gear while him being his curious self peeking behind the bush where he saw a cliff that is adjacent right to the top of a tall concrete wall. It will be an easy jump if it wasn't separated by a deep wide gorge with a steep sides.

“How far is that?” Sunwoo asks as he retreats back to where you were.

“three hundred feet.” You said without sparing any look to him that he could only sighed to the cold shoulder you’ve been giving him, he couldn’t even scold you for infiltrating this place without telling him as soon as Eric found it the other day and he almost missed your departure few hour prior if it wasn’t for Changmin who keep nagging at you for going alone. He watch as you climb up to one of the huge tree until you reach the highest spot without moving a single branch and now you’re on higher level than the tall wall which you could see everything inside the wall.

You look through your binocular and saw a few people in full protection suit going in and out the facilities. There were guards too, a few of them rounding the building and then you saw a truck just parked outside the entrance and few men appeared from the back carrying a crate transferring it into the building.

“They’re in the middle of transferring a crate into the building.” You said a soon as you reach the ground startling sunwoo in the process. You were in the middle of putting on your vest when you felt a soft tug from behind you. he adjust the back strap to make it fit perfectly like he always did before spins your body around to face him and adjusts the front strap, stopping only when he realize something is missing.

“You didn’t put on your armor plate.” He said taking it from the his backpack which you knew he always brings an extra for everything. You don’t even know when did he have the time to pack everything up since you only give him ten minutes to take his stuff when he insisted to come with you and let Chan go to the other location with Felix.

“I don’t need that.” You muttered but he ignores you proceeding to take the armor plate and inserts the steel beneath your vest before readjusting the front straps making you grunt.

“Its just the two of us tonight, so we need to be extra careful.” He said now pushing your tied up hair over your shoulder while you still ignores him by checking your own riffles and slings two of it on your both shoulder. You took your hook launcher from your backpack, assembling it in silence as he did too, and when you’re done you stand up walking to the cliff aiming your hook from behind the bush.

“Hey,” Sunwoo pulls your elbow stopping you and your turn your head facing him. “We’re on our own tonight. There wont be any back up since the other is on the same mission in other places.” He said while pulling the cloth on your chin over your nose and he somehow looked anxious, which is rare since he is the one who always been the confident and cocky one. Then it hit you, its true that the division had been a home for you when you're left stranded, but it had been one for each one of them longer than you had been. You feel bad for over reacting the whole week and act like it doesn’t mean anything to them when deep down you know it held the same meaning for them as it did for you. “We sneak in and out in one piece okay?” he said softly, almost pleading and your gaze soften as a small smile grew on your face.

“Copy that captain.” Then a smile grew on his own face as he pat your head. You took a step forward kneeling one knee taking your aim before launching your hook and it penetrates just inch away from the edge of the wall. You then retreat back to the tree attaching your line to the hidden beam that you had plant making sure the line is tight enough.

“Wait you didn’t tell me the plan yet.”

“I don’t make plans Sunwoo. But if you want one, we do just like you said earlier, we sneak in and out one piece.” You smiled under the cloth looking at him who was giving you a quizzical look. “We take whatever document you found and by the way, Eric told me after the hook penetrates the surfaces, the EMP on its tip will be activated and it’ll disable every electronics and power within the perimeters.” And at the moment you finish your words every light that shine from the factory vanished and the only source of light was from the moon.

“Well, we missed that thirty second mark.” You sighed.

“You’ve been planning to raid this entire place all by yourself?” He said when realization finally hit him. He should’ve figure it out when you force Eric and Haknyeon to keep it from him when you sneak the paper away from the strategy room and infiltrate things by your own. You even bring too much weapon to retreat a document.

“They need a warning and we need documents. They’ll figured about us anyway, lets just scare them a little.” You shrugged angling the device that was attached to your line and you glide across the deep gorge leaving him dumbfounded still processing the whole ordeal before he followed suit.

“Remind me not to put you in charge of anything ever again.”

“Too late cap.”

Juyeon zooned out while staring at the small television that was airing a recorded football match while his other team scrambled across the bar, some are flirting with random girls while the other just having fun with their own way. He took a chug of his beer before pushing the empty bottle to the side leaning the middle of his back on the bar as his eyes wanders, deep down hoping that he’ll see your face among the crowd. He turn back facing the bar clasping his hands together scoffing at how he is so used to you being by his side. then the watch he was wearing caught his attention and your clear image appeared inside his mind that cause a smile to creep on his face.

He fished his phone from his pocket and dialled your number then a long sigh escaped his lips when it went straight to mailbox. He place back his phone into his back pocket before leaning forward to the bar calling for the bartender for another bottle of beer. Its the first night aside from the night he went on his mission you weren’t there and he feels somehow. Incomplete.

“You’re not having fun.” Sangyeon leans next to him before sitting on the stool

“Yeah. Haven’t been to any bar for quite some times.” He said chugging his beer eyes still glued to the game.

“Hey that watch. My girlfriend was going to pick that one the other day. Its a limited edition set.” Sangyeon said eyes flickered looking at the watch.

“A fr- Someone gave it to me as a gift.”

“Really? Your girlfriend?” Sangyeon asks and he smiles bashfully. Something that he wish was true instead of just admit it as an excuse or pretending. He somehow wish it was real, you as his girlfriend.

“Juyeon?” He look back when he heard a voice that he just heard recently and saw your cousin approaching him with a smile.

“Chanhee.”

“Its good to see you again.” The man sit on the stool next to him before greeting Sangyeon.

“Where’s Y/N?” Juyeon asks looking around still hoping that he will catch a glimpse of you.

“Oh she’s not with you?” Chanhee asks back with a surprise look before his face turn into annoying one. “Must be soiling up in the jungle. Aish that little shit, she doesn’t even tell her boyfriend.”

“Its fine. She probably forgot.” Juyeon tell him

“she always did that. Next thing you know she’s already home watching tv and drink like a pirate, i don’t even know when does she sleeps.”

“You never call the cops when she’s gone for too long?”

“I did once when she disappeared for two weeks, got a long scolding session later on. So she ended up giving me her office number just in case.”

“Really?” Juyeon smiled with a furrowed brow trying to imagine how would you look when you’re agitated since he only saw the sunny side of you, and it really makes him wonder.

“I know right, she’s weird, that’s why its hard for her to date anyone. You need to have a lot of patience when you’re with her. She really barely been at home. Even now. I really thought dating could change her at least.” Chanhee shakes his head at the thoughts of you while Juyeon just smile at him.

Patience. I’d do it if that what it takes to have you by my side

He silently thoughts. Then he saw Sangyeon spin his stool around as a wide smile appeared on his face. Juyeon then turn around to see the reason of his sudden big smile and when he see it, his smile fades and his heart stops.

“Sihyeon?”

“Y/N, Chanhee hyung called while you’re away last night. He said your boyfriend-” Haknyeon stop talking immediately while his eyes grew wider than it usual are at the sight of you reeked in blood and sweats.

“Here you go.” You place your backpack filled with documents on the table and your equipment down.

“We got few of cpu inside my trunk. You should get it by yourself. I’m tired.” You said while running your finger annoyingly through your sticky hair and some sort of soft slimy substance stuck on your finger, probably a piece of organs which you flap your hands virgously to shake it off your finger causing it to fall on the floor. Eric saw what you did and as he saw the piece of organ on the floor, his face turned into pure disgust and he spit out his coffee back into the cup he was holding.

“You blew someone’s body again didn’t you?” He asks walking carefully towards you to take a closer look at the pieces of red lump on your hair and almost all over your body.

“Kind of.” You said nonchalantly still trying to get those thing off your hair.

“You should see her trunk.” Sunwoo added placing his own equipment on the floor looking a little decent than you are.

“Please don’t tell me the detail, i might skip my meal today.” Eric whined.

“Ew what happened to you?” Changmin ask, looking at you with the same face that Eric just made as soon after he came into the room and you turn to him who was still looking clean as a baby before flapping your hands towards him giggling while he retreat back to the weapon room. But before you could come close, he flicks your forehead hard making you scowl.

“Go clean yourself. You’re stink.” You shot him a deadly look rubbing your sore forehead.

“How can you be so clean. You jerk.”

“I’m sticking with the plan, we sneak in and out not doing whatever you are doing.” He shot you a disgusting look up and down before taking one big step away from you.

“I guess captain couldn’t even stop your little party didn’t he?” He look back to Sunwoo who was looking tired and just shrug you both off taking out the document from his own bag.

“Noona, do you really have a boyfriend?” Haknyeon asks making all eyes in the room darted to you, waiting for you to answer the younger one.

“What do you mean?” You asks nervously, trying to fake a laugh.

“Chanhee Hyung said your boyfriend is looking for you and he also ask why you didn’t tell him you whereabouts.”

“I uh.” You stuttered, trying to find any excuse, any brilliant lies. But since you’re too tired to think after approximately seven hour taking down the whole factory. You just sighs

“Its not a big deal.” You shrugged and walks away to the locker room trying to avoid them from questioning you further.

You were in your full black usual attire that covers your whole form, not even a strand of hair was shown while following Juyeon the next night after ignoring his texts and calls the whole day. You called Chanhee though and he said;

We bumped in the bar last night and I swear he was just sitting at the bar with his guy friend.

It made you just smiled to his words and it somehow made your heart flutter that you didn’t sleep a blink since your mission last night and even now you were looking at his back smiling under your black full mask wishing that he’ll turn around so you could get a glimpse of his face. But then you shake your head to dismiss the thoughts and focus on following him.

His team separated into a few smaller group checking on a few old abandoned shops to look for where they kept the kidnapped teen girls and sells their ovum without their forcefully for a large sum of money to married couple that couldn’t conceive.

You keep your distance and always alert with your surrounding so that none of his team could see you. Then you heard a gunshot that caused your heart to jump hard and rushed to one of the old restaurant where they were with heart beating as fast as your feet.

“Please, not you.” You pleaded before stopping right on the opening of the back door where you could heard a grunt and a sound of ruckus from inside. You peek into the room and saw someone lying on the floor right in the middle of the kitchen while another was nowhere to be found. You squint your eyes to make out his face with the help of the dimmed light from the moon. A relieved sighs escape when it wasn’t Juyeon who was shot.

You heard another gunshot not far from where you were and run inside after confirming the guy was unconscious running to the door that leads to the dining space with your heart beating so loud and your stomach churns. You peek inside and saw nothing, then you run up to the stairs that leads to the second dining room and you stops right on the door and peeked through the small crack on the vandalized door. As expected, you saw two men standing facing each other in high alert. One holding a gunpoint to the one you recognize it as Juyeon. His life was only one pull away from the trigger and you starting to panic. Your eyes franticly trying to look for anything and trying to came up with a plan. You can’t risk exposing yourself to him but you’re running out of time.

“Fuck this.” You muttered before pulling your mask tighter and barge into the room running towards the man who now has his gun pointed to you. A few shots are fired towards you but you duck a little before crashing his body with your shoulder on his stomach and push him out through the window falling from the second floor his back crashing on top of a sedan while you on top of him.

You felt pain all over your front and stayed on that position until he tries to push you off him. You rolled to his side looking up to the window where you’re from and saw Juyeon looking down to you before running to the back. You need to leave before he got down so you push yourself up and slide down the windshield but when your feet reach the ground with you still clutching your abdomen, a woman appeared in front of you pointing a gun towards you, but she wasn’t wearing the same uniform as Juyeon, she was just in her formal attire. A white button up paired with a slacks and a loose coat. Your eyes then falls to her id that hanged on her neck that falls just right on her middle.

Kim Sihyeon

Detective

You push her hands upwards and she was caught off guard with your sudden movements. You shove her body back while your hand swiftly taking away the gun on her hand emptying the gun before dropping it on the ground. You then took a step forward to attack but someone pulled your full mask away making your long hair to fall freely revealing your face to the woman. She was looking straight into your eyes and the only thing that’s on your mind was;

Kill

You grab her neck with one hand choking her hard and she was struggling with your strength trying to peel your hands away from her neck. You took a step forward pushing her backward while she’s still chokes before you heard a gun cocks and you feel a cold hard metal touching the back of your head. She looked behind you with a pleading look.

“Juyeon.” She called making your heart to drop and your heart beat harder.

“Take your hands off her.” You quirk your head to his tone. It somehow sounds personal that you could feel something dark and twisted emerged from the pit of your stomach as your grip on her neck tightens.

to be continued..

#fanfic #action #au #the boyz imagines #the boyz fanfic #agent au #lee juyeon imagines #tbz scenarios #tbz #juyeon imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz #tbz au #the boyz juyeon #lee juyeon scenarios #tbz lee juyeon #lee juyeon

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justreadingfics · 5 years

Text

Looking For A Heartbeat (23/26)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Word Count: 7K

Warnings for this chapter: angst and an author that really doesn’t wanna spoil anything. If there’s anything you absolutely can’t read and you wanna make sure it’s not in the chapter, dm me.

A/N: Thank you @suz-123 for being so amazing. I’m finally with my new laptop so I hope to be able to write more frequently. I’m really sorry for being such a messy and slow writer, but thank you for staying with me. I really hope you like this chapter, it’s a special one!

Perfect.

That’s the conclusion you come to while you walk around the terrace of your apartment, filled with balloons, happy birthday signs, a huge table with cake and all kinds of colored sweets, matching the Unicorn theme decorations and a lot of different toys.

Summer’s first birthday.

Looking back, you can’t believe it’s already been a year, it feels like everything is happening too fast. A lot of firsts happened in that time: her first tooth, the first time she crawled towards Bucky, her first haircut, the first word… That was a special one. The three of you were in the living room and the TV was on while you and Bucky played with her on the carpet. At some point, your baby daughter´s attention diverted from the toys and she pointed at the TV, and a perfectly pronounced “mama” came out of her lips. You and Bucky looked at each other with widened eyes, and, while she kept repeating her very first word, you turned around to see your image on the TV, dirty and battered, at a press conference after a particularly tough mission. Needless to say, your heart turned into a puddle and you attacked her chubby cheeks with thousands of kisses pulling out giggles from the baby. You could tell daddy was happy but a little bit jealous, just a little bit… however, only a couple of days after and she added “dada” to her vocabulary, making a crying mess of her softie dad.

The one first thing she has yet to go through is her first step. She’ll get there, though. No need to rush. Dr. Nadine has explained more than once that her enhanced DNA could show how far it would affect her abilities at any moment throughout her development and they had no way to estimate exactly how and if it would happen. For now, you’re thankful she’s a healthy baby and has her own pace on things.

You can’t wait to see her little face when she sees her first party. You and Bucky decided to go for the unicorn theme because that stuffed unicorn, the first one Bucky got her when she wasn't even born yet, it’s her absolute favorite and they're inseparable. The poor thing is old, dirty and torn in one too many places, but when you tried to replace it with a brand new one, all you gained in return was tears and a very irate baby.

Yeah, she’ll love it.

As you supervise the last details, checking if the decorations, music, food and drinks are all set and waiting for the guests, Bucky gets Summer ready. She's slept all morning so hopefully she´ll enjoy her party properly. You decided to celebrate it at your own home, since it’s big enough to accommodate the number of guests and, at the same time, it’s cozier than the party rooms available at the Tower. You opened the living room’s glass doors, which goes to the terrace, moved the furniture to allow more space and it worked out pretty well. It’ll be good, you’re confident.

The timing is also perfect since the team does need some good distraction… the last month has been tough. Zemo got out of prison and everything led you guys to believe HYDRA is behind it and helping him hide. At what purpose you still have to figure out. But the thing is, there’s nothing on his whereabouts yet and, in the meantime, you and your friends will stop everything to celebrate your little girl’s first year.

“Hey, mama! Look who’s ready to shine.”

You’re organizing cone hats over the table at the terrace when our gaze lifts to Bucky walking into the living room holding the cutest – and most dolled up - baby you’ve ever seen.

“Oh, my God.” You cover your mouth with both hands and rush to meet them, “Aren’t you the most beautiful birthday girl ever?” You take Summer in your arms while gushing at her.

She brings her hands to the pair of pigtails over her head, as if to show you them, “Dada,” she happily babbles.

The two proud parents laugh and Bucky pecks her cheek to her absolute delight.

“Yes, Dada made your hair really pretty and chose you the most gorgeous outfit, hasn’t he?” She does look incredibly endearing in a pink tutu dress with a few shades of blue on the skirt alluding to the party, blue little party shoes matching the two tiny bows adorning her pigtails. Bucky always makes sure to pamper her and on her first birthday you expected nothing less.

“She looks cute anyway.” He shrugs, but the pride is obvious on his smile and puffed chest. “You look beautiful, too.” He adds softly as his eyes drop to the floral summer dress you chose for the occasion.

You swallow as a wave of warmth reaches your cheeks, “You, too.” He sure does handsome as ever in his customary jeans and white t-shirt. Despite still not going to missions, he keeps his daily workouts, whose results are evident on the muscles straining the fabric covering his arms and chest. Since Summer loves to play with his hair – a preference she may have gotten from you - he’s been keeping his locks in a longer length, right above his shoulders. God, he’s beautiful.

“One year… can you believe it?” He says softly, taking you out of your gawking and stepping closer, bringing his hand over yours on Summer’s back.

You sigh deeply at the warm touch before whispering, “One year…”

“I don't remember ever being this happy…” His voice is tender and low while he speaks, “Looks like we’ve made it, right? Together.” He bores his deeply blue eyes on yours while slowly caressing the back of your hand with his thumb.

You sigh and tighten your lips in a small smile as his touch sends shivers through your skin. You don’t remember ever being this happy either but you’ve been thinking more and more about what Wanda said at Pepper’s party. What exactly have you been doing all this time? What are you? A couple? Friends? Co-parents? To be honest, you think you’ve been leaning a lot on the excuse of parenting Summer to not address and hold back your true feelings and, at the same time, to stay close to him as much as you can… How long can you keep up with this?

A loud squeak makes you notice Summer squirming in your arms. You know exactly what she wants, “Ahm, I think I’ll nurse her before everyone arrives, or else she’ll get too agitated,” you say and Bucky nods in agreement, seeming lost on his own thoughts as well.

~~~

It's a cheerful and loud afternoon. All your friends are there, along with some parents with their kids, whom you and Bucky have met when you started taking Summer to the nearest park regularly. You do it mostly together, but when you are on missions he goes alone and Summer, being as sociable and lovely as she can be, has become fast friends with a lot of kids, even the older ones, so it made sense to you to invite everyone who loves her to the party.

Speaking of the little girl, after you nursed her and the guests started arriving, you almost don’t get to hold her anymore, as she goes from lap to lap when she’s not playing with her friends or attached to Thor’s hips. The God of Thunder stopped by just to attend her party, which makes her so happy, reaching out for him to grab her and pointing to all kinds of directions so he can take her and also play with her friends, for all the kids delight. It’s like the one year old just knows he’s everyone’s favorite and wants to share her uncle with them.

Harry and the twins are there, too, being some of the firsts guests to arrive. It turns out Bucky was the only one who didn’t know about Harry and Nat. Everyone had already caught on when they decided to make it official and it was absolutely no big news. Even for the now five year old twins. Luna just couldn’t understand why they were treating something she already knew for so long as such a big deal when the couple put on a special picnic to tell them. Auntie Nat was very proud and, for her relief and Harry’s, she has been a success with both Luna and Jon.

The party has been going on for a little more than an hour when you finally get to pick Summer up to check if she needs a change or something to eat or drink. Across the room, you spot Bucky talking to Steve. Seeing you picking up Summer, he raises his eyebrows as if asking if he was needed. You dismiss him with a wave and he smiles, while you sit on the couch, Summer in your arms. The bell rings and, as you make sure Summer doesn’t need a change yet, putting her standing on your lap and taking a peek beneath her diaper while the one-year old babbles and bounces on her chubby legs, Bucky goes for the door. You can’t imagine who it might be, since everyone you remember inviting is already there.

“Hey, you made it.” Bucky greets the person in front of him.

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it.”

Your heart and your hands stop at the voice you haven’t heard for a long time.

Your gaze follows the sounds of cheerful greeting and meet the sight by the door. Everything and everyone else around fade out as the two of them say hello to each other and Bucky invites her in.

Anna.

He doesn’t seem surprised by her presence. He seems… comfortable. Even…happy to see her. Did he invite her? Without telling you? When?

You don’t even know how, but you’re already standing up, Summer securely attached to your hip, when the pair starts walking towards you, huge smiles on their faces.

“Here’s the birthday girl,” Bucky announces when they approach you. They’re both smiling still so you put on one for yourself. Or at least you try to, if you succeed you’re not sure. Bucky seems relaxed… you see no disturbance on his demeanor despite the turmoil surfacing inside you, nothing that could hint he is as thrown as you are by Anna’s unexpected – at least for you- presence.

“Hello, happy birthday, Summer.”

It’s nothing but a reflex when you hold Summer tighter in your arms and take a tiny, almost unnoticeable step back when Anna stretches her arms with a wrapped box on her hands and greets your daughter. Her wide smile slips a bit as her widening gaze flashes up at you.

It seems like your step back wasn’t as tiny and unnoticeable for her.

“Ahm, hi, Anna.” You force a calm voice out of you, “Thank you so much,” You reach for the gift, “I’ll put it with the other ones for Summer to open in a bit.” You nod as a vein pulses on your neck, “Ahm, it’s been a while.” You add, trying hard to keep your voice steady.

Summer starts smacking the box repeatedly as delighted loud sounds come out of her lips, making her dad smile at her and move to cup her cheek lovingly. Both dad and daughter oblivious to the tension thickening the air.

Anna’s eyelids drop and her gaze grounds to the floor. She nibbles on her lower lip, fidgeting with her fingers…thinking… it feels like she’s searching for something to say but is failing…

“Oh, yeah,” Bucky says, still focusing on Summer as she succeeds to steal the box with Anna’s gift from your hands and starts shaking it. “I ran into Anna in that coffee shop nearby the park the other day, can you believe that? It was two or three weeks ago, you were on that mission with Sam. I thought I had told you, haven’t I?” He looks at you and tilts his head to the side.

“No, no you didn’t”. Your stare is hard on him, but you don’t care.

“Oh,” it slips out of his lips as his eyebrows furrow.

“Y/n, I thought you knew, I can-”

“You don’t need to worry, Anna.” You interrupt her attempt to say something. “It’s just that I…I was just surprised to see you… that’s all.” You try to form a kind smile on your face. This is your kid’s first party, you really don’t want to ruin it by making a scene or forcing someone to leave. Even if this someone is Anna, a woman who makes your hands shake and your spine freeze with pure… Fuck… It’s irrational and a little unfair, but it is what it is, “You make yourself at home.” You nod, keeping the smile tight in your face.

She seems like she is going to protest when a couple of agents of SHIELD, that certainly must’ve been friends with her when she worked there calls her from across the room. Anna shoots you an apologetic look before thanking you and walking over them. Without actually addressing to Bucky in any way again.

“Hey-” Bucky starts when she’s out of reach.

“It’s almost time for presents and cake,” You cut him, “I’m gonna give Summer something to eat so she doesn’t get cranky.”

“Alright,” he nods, “Let me-”

“It’s ok.” You raise a hand when he moves to grab Summer, “You go entertain your guests.” The harsh words slip out without warning, sheer venom lacing your tongue. The words are bitter, because that’s exactly how you’re feeling. You ignore the crease between Bucky’s eyebrows to strut towards Nat and Harry at the terrace, not giving him space to say anything else.

Bitterness and coldness are all you present him with every single time he tries to interact with you after that moment. You can’t help yourself. You’re mad, angry, disappointed, you feel sick in your stomach, you wanna scream, you’re… you’re jealous. You’re damn jealous, not that you’re proud of it, but you are. You know you have no right to feel that way… but then again, don’t you really? Shouldn’t he have told you he met Anna after all that time? Let alone that he invited her to your daughter’s first birthday? Why didn’t he? Was that just it? Just a casual encounter? Or maybe he was in touch with her all this time? He had never mentioned her again… And no, you’re not in a romantic relationship with him but what you have built so far together had to mean something… He should’ve told you. It’s about respect… nothing else.

No matter how much you fight it, your gaze always ends up seeking for her. You dismiss all questions of concern from mostly Wanda and Nat. It’s fine, you lie. To Anna’s credit, though, she keeps it to herself. You’ve spot some of your friends greeting her, but she stays next to the SHIELD agents most of the time and doesn’t approach Bucky again. You hate to allow all this situation to somehow taint the experience of your daughter’s first birthday and therefore you’re even madder at Bucky, no matter how childish it makes you seem.

“Anna is what I need…She’s the one for me.”

Even after everything that transpired afterwards, you’ve never forgotten those words he said to you that night. The night he chose Anna. Those are the words repeating in your brain now and breaking your heart all over again, bringing out memories of nights spent awake thinking about him and her together, holding each other. The damn terror that he finally comes to his senses, again, and realizes that, indeed, she’s the one for him, lodges itself in your chest again.

The words keep haunting your mind while everyone gathers to watch Summer opening the presents. You and Bucky side by side as the gifts are delivered to your daughter on his lap. The little girl, by the way, seems much more interested in the papers and bags rather than the actual presents inside, playing and trying to hold all of them at once. That makes your heavy heart a bit lighter as you giggle at her antics. You try not to think too much of how Bucky seems to insistently gain your attention and you never engage fully when he tries to share a word or a laugh with you.

After all the presents are opened, Summer is enjoying herself with some of her friends, finally giving her new toys a chance with Bucky’s close supervision. You decide it's almost time for the cake and go to the kitchen to pick it up from the fridge.

“Y/N?”

You’re closing the fridge’s door with your elbow, huge chocolate cake in hands when Anna quietly calls your name. Not really expecting to have to talk to her again, the breath catches in your throat before you turn around to see her.

“Oh, do you need help?” She steps to you when she spots the cake in your hands.

“It’s ok. It’s not as heavy as it looks.” You quickly dismiss her offer. Does she want something? Why has she followed you to the kitchen?

She halts, “Ahm, Can I talk to you for a second?”

You use a moment to take a good look at her. Her plunged shoulders make her seem small as she looks up at you through her eyelashes expectantly, almost sheepishly. She’s nervous. You sigh and step forwards to carefully place the cake on the balcony. There are plenty of stools for both of you to take a seat, but you prefer to keep standing up when you nod at her, “Sure.”

“I’m sorry for today,” She doesn’t take a breath before speaking, “I really thought Bucky had told you. Like he said, we ran against each other on a coffee shop, I don’t even remember which one. He walked in to use the bathroom, he needed to change Summer or something.” She narrows her eyebrows before her features softens, “She’s beautiful by the way… ahm, we hadn’t seen each other for a long time and he stopped to talk for a bit. It was five minutes. He mentioned Summer’s birthday and ended up inviting me to come. I-I, he seemed so carefree and casual, I thought it wouldn’t be a problem If I dropped by… I really missed everyone and…” Her head drops as she sighs deeply, “I should’ve thought things through better.

You let her words sink in. She talked fast, urgently. The way she keeps looking back at you, pleading…It seems important for her that you believe what she’s saying and, in fact, you do.

“It’s ok, Anna.” You relent, letting your posture lose the stiffness, “I mean… I’m not gonna pretend I expected to see you here… but I… I just wish he would’ve told me beforehand…” You admit in a murmur, choosing to omit the part where her presence made you jealous as fuck. You’re not sure if Anna is aware of what’s the status of your relationship with Bucky and you rather keep it that way for some reason.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.” She says, waving both her hands and taking a step forward, “He might have just forgotten. I know planning a birthday party is a lot…”

Even if you’re now assured that they haven’t been meeting and it was just a casual encounter and despite her trying to soothe you and justify his omission, you’re not convinced. The fact he hasn’t told you anything still bothers the hell out of you, “Anyway…” You shake your head dismissively, “Don’t worry, it’s fine, Anna. So, how’ve you been doing?” You’re not sure exactly why you’re asking it, maybe to try and make the tension still lingering a little easier to bear.

Her lips open and her brows raise. Anna sure wasn’t expecting your question, either, “Oh…yeah, I’m good. it’s been a good year actually,” She licks her lips, “I stopped practicing, have been focused on studying… I’m engaged.” She lifts her hand, showing the beautiful diamond on her finger.

Your jaw drops. How the hell haven’t you seen this?

“Oh, wow, congratulations.” You greet, sounding as stunned as you really are.

“I’ve met him during PHD classes.” The smile on her lips is easy and dreaming, “He proposed in three months, my Jeromy. Seems a bit rushed, but when you know, you know, right?” She shrugs.

For the first time since she walked through the door of your home, you don’t have to force it when you smile at her. She’s right. When you know you know, even if, sometimes, pretending you don’t seems easier…

“Bucky invited him, too, but he’s giving a lecture now.” She informs.

Silence falls back between you two. After the news of her engagement – which helps to ease down the tension a bit more- you don’t know what else to say to her, but she seems like she’s not done yet. She places her hand on the back pockets of her jeans, and takes in a long breath as her eyes drop to the floor before she speaks again.

“Listen Y’/N, there’s something else I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time…” She looks up at you.

You tilt your head, encouraging her to go on.

“I’m sorry for that day…” Anna murmurs, “For coming saying all those things to you before… before you got into the accident.” She swallows.

Oh…that.

“Anna…” you try.

“No, really.” She insists, “I know you don’t blame me. Bucky told me as much the last time we spoke when you were still pregnant. Maybe I didn’t directly cause the accident, but I shouldn’t have come, anyway.” The regret is heavy on her voice, “I tried to manipulate a situation in favor of my own interests with the excuse I was doing it for Bucky. Now I can see that and how messed up it was. I’m sorry.”

You see the guilt still tormenting her. You never really think about that accident anymore and you can see it still haunts her. And, after all, coming to talk to you that day and everything else… you know she was in love with Bucky. It was stupid, but who are you to judge, anyway. Anna ended up caught up in the mess of you and Bucky. Suddenly you feel a little bad for how you’ve been acting today. You know she’s not a threat, even if you can’t help but still dread what she somehow represents to you: that, maybe, there’s something or someone else out there better for Bucky and he can leave you, or whatever this is what you have, can end at any moment.

“We all make mistakes, Anna.” Your answer is firm, “And, yes, I really don’t blame you. What happened, happened, and it’s in the past. Everything turned out fine.”

A loud squeal catches both of your attentions and through the opened door, you see Bucky throwing Summer to the air as the little one screams with sheer joy. His smile just as big as hers.

“I’m so glad he’s that happy. He deserves it.” Anna grins, when she turns back to you.

Your gaze remains stuck on your little family. He really is happy. And so are you… even if it’s not complete and you’ve been denying yourself an attempt of being fully happy beside him by admitting how much you still love him and need him by your side as more than Summer’s father. What you already achieved with him is more than you’ve ever dreamed of after running away like you did all these years ago. The thought of anything ruining this happiness, whether someone else or your own stupidity, makes it hard for you to breathe.

“Anyway, I guess it’s better if I go now.” Anna cuts through the small silence.

“Oh, no, Anna.” You quickly protest, turning your gaze back to her, “It’s time for the cake. Stay. It’s ok, really.” You softly assure her, “To be honest, I could actually use some help, Steve ordered like 3 tons of cake here.”

You offer her a smile, which she kindly accepts by answering you with one of her own and a small thankful nod.

~~~~

It’s already dark when the last guests say goodbye. After striking up a battle with sleep to keep playing, Summer finally lost to exhaustion and passed out on Steve’s lap. Now, after cleaning everything up with the help of your friends, you’re at last relaxing on one of the loungers in your terrace eating a piece of the cake, while Bucky gives Summer a bath and puts her to sleep. Since she’s a heavy sleeper and almost nothing wakes her up after she dozes off, it is not uncommon for you two to bathe or change her while the little girl sleeps like a rock.

All in all, it was a good day. After your talk with Anna you were able to properly enjoy the rest of the party. Watching Summer clapping her little hands along with everyone else while they sang her happy birthday will always be held in your heart. Summer had a blast on her first birthday, even if she still doesn’t really get the meaning of it. Everything was worth it.

But now, that the buzz of the party is gone and you find yourself alone with your thoughts, that ugly, toxic feeling comes back to bite the pit of your stomach. You can only define it as jealousy and… and fear. Both feelings holding a grasp around your throat… slowly taking the air out of your lungs…suffocating you. You haven’t really talked to Bucky again at the party…Why didn’t he tell you about meeting Anna, about inviting her?

Yeah, you’re still damn annoyed.

You hear his steps when he walks into the terrace, but you don’t turn to him. You don’t move from your spot, staring ahead to the skyline through the glass windows when he sits on the lounger beside you and places the baby monitor – which, by the way, is Friday showing the image of you daughter peacefully sleeping on her crib - on the small round table between you two.

“She was exhausted, slept while I bathed her, but kept clapping her hands. She might’ve been dreaming... it was so cute,” He chuckles quietly, and continues when you just hum an answer and don’t look at him, “She didn’t even stir when I put on her pjs, and you know how much she hates putting on her pjs. She’ll probably sleep late tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” You answer plainly, shoving a huge piece of cake in your mouth.

“It was a great first party wasn’t it?”

You scoff, swallowing the cake and biting your tongue to just don’t spit the growing irritation inside you all over him, “For the most part, yeah.”

“Are you ok?”

From the corner of your eyes, you catch him leaning over to be able to see your face, since you have yet to look at him.

“I’m fine.” You grumble.

“Ok, it’s just that…I’ve noticed you were a little off-”

“Oh, have you?” Your face snaps to him, “What a perceptive genius you are.”

“Oh, hey…Where is that coming from?”

“You invited Anna?” You finally let it out of your chest, desperate to finally let loose the grip on your throat, “I haven’t heard a single word from her for more than one year and then she comes to our daughter's first birthday party? Have you been seeing her?” You know he hasn’t, you know that, but you can’t control your tongue, you want this fight. For some reason, you want to fight him, yell at him. Even hurt him.

“What? No, of course not, I-”

“Don’t tell me. You don’t need to say anything.” You swiftly get up, stomping your feet, as the plate with the cake makes a tingling noise for being roughly placed on the table next to the baby monitor, “Forget I said anything. You don’t owe me an explanation, it’s not like we have anything to do with each other-”

“Hey, hey, what the hell?” When you try to storm your way passed him, he stands up and grabs you by the arm and you jerk back before he turns you to him. Your face is so close to his, your bodies only an inch from each other, you feel the warmth rolling off of him to you. Your angry heart beats faster and when he tries to pull you even closer to him you smack him across his chest. “I haven’t been seeing Anna.” He continues, gaze fixed on you, unfazed by your attempt to shove him away. “I’ve met her by chance the other day, Summer played with her, Anna asked how old she was and I ended up inviting her to drop by, I didn’t even think-”

“What? You didn’t even think of me?” You challenge, raising your chin up, “You could’ve told me, Bucky,” The defiance sweeps into your voice. But you don’t try to get away from his touch again. It burns you in a much too familiar and longed way.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He pleads, “But do you wanna know why I didn’t tell you?” His eyes are frantic, roaming around every inch of your face, “I forgot. I just forgot because it didn’t feel important at all. Seeing Anna again didn’t mean anything… it was like meeting someone I used to know a very long time ago and that was all that it was… a turned page of my life. Summer was there and we were in the middle of planning the birthday, I just invited her… I didn’t even think about it again, but If I knew it would make you so upset, I would’ve never done this. I’m sorry.”

His eyes settle on yours. Even if his look is still filled with despair, just like his words, beg for you to understand, it somehow calms you. The fear that has been making your heart shrink, that the encounter with Anna had maybe awakened something inside him, a realization that he deserves more than you… that fear fades, allowing you to take in a deep breath, “Ok… ok. I have no right to be upset,” Your eyes shut, “I just…”

“I didn’t even think of you? We don’t have anything to do with each other?” The hold on you becomes stronger as he turns your own phrases into offended questions and you look back at him while his eyes narrow, “Why would you say that when you mean everything to me and you’re what I think about all the fucking time?”

Your heartbeats are loud in your ears as your knees buckle, “Bucky…” you breathe, bringing your hand to cup his cheek. His eyes flutter close and he leans against you. Your chest could explode at his admission… Not once in the last year of spending almost all the time together he had said something like that to you. That Wanda’s question creeps up to your mind again, “Bucky,” you call, and his eyes open to you, “What the hell are we even doing here?” You ask softly as tears well up in your eyes.

“What do you mean?” He asks, letting go of your arm to wipe one tear of the corner of your eyes with the back of his finger.

“This.” You cease the touch on his face and step back, waving back and forth between you two, “This whole year? You never… you never said anything like that.” Your voice comes out tiny, “I’m the one to ask. What do you mean by it? This life… What are we doing? What the hell are we?”

For a moment he just looks at you, breathing… thinking…“I don’t know.” He says, “We’re us, I guess.” He steps forward, making the distance you’ve just added between you two smaller, “I don’t know if what we’re doing is right, if we’re fooling ourselves… all I know is that this is where I belong. With you. With Summer...”

Your gaze drops. That’s it. Summer. She’s yours and his whole world and she’s the only thing holding him with-

“With you, baby…” He speaks quickly as if he’s reading your mind while both of his hands cup your face. The contrast between warm skin and cold metal you love so much because it means it’s him “I belong with you… This whole year… this whole time there wasn’t a minute when I didn’t think about kissing you.”

You hold your breath when he rushes a bit forward but halts, like he’s holding back the impulse to kiss you. He licks his lips, burying his eyes into yours. A single tear rolled down his cheek, “I buried everything inside me because what if you didn’t want this… what if I scared you again… what if you left me? If you leave me-”

He couldn't finish his sentence because your lean forward and capture his lips into yours. What if you leave him? Is this what he’s been thinking? You’ll show him, you’ll show him…

He kisses you back instantly. And of course the kiss is desperate, of course is eager and sloppy, because that’s what you both are now. Desperate to show each other everything you two have been keeping inside this whole year. All the want… all the desire, the need. The love. All of you.

Metal hand drops to your waist and pulls you to him while the flesh one rests on the back of your neck. But they don’t lodge there for long as they run all over your body. Fast… Hard. He pushes his tongue through your lips and you fist the fabric of his shirt on his back with one hand while the other snakes up and digs on his loose locks. God, you missed him. You missed this. It’s old, it’s home but also it’s like something you never tasted before. A relearned love.

Without parting your lips from his you step forward and he follows your lead, stepping back till his knees meet the side of the lounger. You break the kiss only for a second before pushing him backwards so he can sit on it. Sheer want rules your moves when you quickly straddle him and close your lips around his again. A whimper sweeps into your mouth when he grabs your ass. Your body move on its own when you rock into him. Feeling all of him. Hard and longing for you against your core, setting it to flames.

A hand of yours dips beneath his shirt, roaming over that enticing path of little hairs right above his pants before your nails scratches up higher on his broad body. With a gasp, he breaks apart from your lips, only to drag his mouth down your jaw and neck. Licking and sucking and biting… Marking you as you hiss in delightful pain, a kind of pain that can soothe the ache of not having him for so long.

“I love you,” His voice is rough and breathless when he whispers against your heated skin, as lips kiss and hands and fingers touch, stroke, grab. “I’ve loved you for so long, baby.” He reaches your ear with his lips and you pull his locks harder.

“God, I love you too.” You’re a mess of tears, smiles and soft whimpers as you keep kissing and touching him, never wanting to stop, wishing that you could somehow imprint his body and soul into yours and never let go.

“There’s no one else for me. I was so stupid…” He whispers, “I love you. I love you.” He repeats, between soft and long kisses on your neck, “Only you. All this time, all I ever wanted was you… There’s no one else. You don’t have to be jealous…” His grips on your body becomes impossibly stronger, “I was so scared, so damn scared…”

Something triggers inside you. A somber feeling that makes you stiffen. He continues ravishing your neck and cheeks and earlobes but you don’t respond anymore, widened eyes staring forward at the wall behind him and when he seeks for your mouth again you pushed him back. Ignoring the frown on his face and without any word you pull away from his lap and turn your back on him.

He follows you shortly and gently places his hands on your shoulders, “What’s wrong, baby?”

You can hear the impending fear in his voice.

You can’t do this.

“We can’t do this, Bucky.” You give voice to your mind and you can feel how he stiffens behind you so you turn to face him. You need him to understand. His stare is fixed on you, swollen lips from kissing parted… his eyes close for a moment as if trying to process what you just said after admitting you love him.

You breathe in the courage to say what you must, “Here I was thinking we were tracing a new path, that we were finally reaching that peace you always said you wanted but I know you couldn’t find it with me, and then…” You scoff, staring away for a moment, “and then I get jealous and we fight… We haven’t fought for so long… We were at peace. I love you, I do.” You assure, pleading for him to understand, “I love you so much, sometimes is hard to even breathe when I look at you, but… but… We shouldn’t do this. We’re filled with imperfections. We can’t do this. What if we hurt each other… What if I hurt you again,” You can’t stand that thought, “I’m not… I’m not perfect.”

His stare is undecipherable as he keeps it fixed on you. You love him, you really do, but would you two be able to write a different story, one that won’t bring hurt and pain upon the both of you? Upon Summer? You know you have been doing good so far, but both of you admitted you’ve been holding back for the sake of your peace… what happens when you let all your feelings loose?

He takes in a deep sigh before tilting his head to the side and bringing a hand to slowly scratch his beard. When he looks back at you a small smile curls up his lips.

You hold your breath.

“I’ve stayed away from you for two years and not a single moment I was at peace.” He says. With no rush, no desperation. What you hear into his soft voice is a quiet sense of realization. “I’ve been lying to myself… first I thought I could find peace and love elsewhere. Didn’t happen.” He chuckles. How can he be so calm? “Then I told myself that just staying next to you, without expressing how I really felt, what you really mean to me, would be enough, but tonight, fighting with you? Seeing how much you still love me? Kissing you…having your body close to mine once again…” You take in a shuddering breath as he speaks, no trouble, no sign of doubt on his speech, “I was never more at peace than tonight… You’re it, baby.” He licks his lips and shakes his head, “I don’t wanna lie to myself anymore. I don’t wanna lie to you. I know you’re not perfect, I don’t expect you to be. I’m not perfect either, I’m far from it. But I love you and you love me.” He pauses, waiting for you to deny him, but you don’t, how can you? “And love, my dear? Love isn’t perfect.”

When he finishes, with a teasing and comfort smirk on his face your heart beats loudly against your chest. You know you said that exact same thing to him…. That night on the rooftop. The very night your daughter was conceived… the last time you felt all of his love. At that time, it seemed like you truly believed that. But now? There’s too much to lose... too much to risk for an imperfect love… Right?

He steps closer to you and your body follows him, as you take one step closer to him, too, like you’re in a trance. But that’s when something catches your attention behind him, right past his shoulder and takes you out of your little daze. The baby monitor over the small table a few feet behind him. Your blood freezes in your veins. The image of a sleeping Summer is there, but…something…something is wrong.

“Bucky?”

He follows your transfixed gaze and looks over his shoulder. The way he holds his breath tells you he can see it, too. It’s small. Almost imperceptible, but it’s there. Her little arm moving to reach for her face and then it’s back on its original position… a few seconds… a small glitch…it happens again.

Your heart flies to your throat and you don’t breathe or think again before you turn on your heels and bolt to your baby’s room, Bucky on your toes. You trip on furniture; you may have hurt your leg… you don’t know… you can’t feel. All you feel is Summer, Summer, Summer.

The scream rips out of your soul when you storm into her room and, through blurred vision, you find the crib. Like you so violently dreaded, the image on the baby monitor was a nothing but a recording,

Summer. Your baby daughter… She’s gone.

~~~

Chapter 24 coming soon.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes series #bucky #bucky fic #marvel fanfiction #angst #looking for a heartbeat

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jeonggukkiepabo · 5 years

Text

SIREN [JJK] | MONSTER SMASH

Hi guys! This is my submission for the KSMUTCLUB MONSTER SMASH. I wanted to try out something new that I haven’t read on here so far, so I decided to go for Siren Y/N. I changed some mythological things, but I still hope you guys enjoy it.

Summary: Siren Y/N lives on Jejudo island, coming out once a year to “hunt” for the ocean. This year, she goes for 7 pretty boys that decided to have a beach day, but she gets to meet them before the accident has to happen and directly falls for Jungkook - but if she talks to him, he will die.

Warnings: smut (fighting for dominance, choking, spitting, unprotected sex, sub!yn, dom!jk, idk what else, it’s disgusting), character death

Word count: 7k

The sea always has been fascinating to you, back in the days, when you were still a small girl, you loved running into it, splashing around with one of your many siblings as your parents watched you with a soft smile. This peaceful memory was nothing compared to those who were hunting you ever since: war, bombs, death. Six-Two-Five, better known as the Korean War, an endless war that somehow lasted until today, 2019. It may not be as violent as it was when you were a teenager, but Korea still wasn’t a peaceful unit like you always wanted it to be.

Your family was one of those who had the chance to flee, a huge American ship was collecting random families that had a better chance in another country – and who was your father to deny such offer? You could never forget that day, the 27th March 1952, almost two years into the war, when a friendly officer lead you and your siblings to the haven, guiding you onto the boat and told you that your parents would be there soon. Well, there you were: one of the oldest girls on board, trying to calm down all those smaller children that were also waiting for their parents, so you did whatever you could do to calm them down. Singing. You’ve always been a great singer, but not many people had the chance to ever listen to you because you were too shy to sing on the streets, nor in front of other people who could possibly be judging you. The only people that ever had the pleasure to listen to your beautiful, warm voice were your siblings and parents. Until now.

Humming to the first melody that came up to your mind, you smiled at a little girl that recognized the song and started to sing along, the others soon following her lead. But every single one of them stopped singing once they heard your voice, almost hypnotizing. They remained quiet until you stopped, nodding towards the officer that announced another ship would bring all the adults separately. You raised an eyebrow, but who were you to mistrust an officer’s lead? The only thought that came up your mind was that with much luck, you’d never have to smell napalm again. From that moment on, Busan was just a bad memory burned into your brain.

It’s probably unnecessary to say that you never saw your parents again, neither did any of the other poor children, because maybe three hours after the boat left, a loud explosion erupted from the ocean, causing your boat to struggle, mass panic to evolve and soon enough, loud cries and begs for help were the only sound heard. Everything went way too fast to explain what was really going on, but a soft melody – not fitting into the loud explosions – echoed through your ears, leading almost everyone to jump over the railing and into the open water. Right into their death.

You were confused, unsure what was going on, but also intrigued by the beautiful singing voice that tried to lead you into the water as well. Step by step, you walked closer to the edge of the boat, glancing into the sparkling water that had endless bodies floating around on the surface. You were the only person on deck by now, voices growing louder in your ears, causing your sight to go black as another explosion caused the boat to crash and slowly sink with you on board. You’ve always been a fighter, but right now you were close to giving up, knowing this situation was already ticked by fate. You felt your body going numb, not even being able to feel the cold burn the water left on your skin, your heartbeat going slower and slower while dizziness and tiredness were taking over your body. “You are a strong one, my love.” You tried opening your eyes, but you couldn’t. Yet, you desperately wanted to know who was talking to you. ‘Who are you? What is happening?’, your thoughts were running wild, but somehow the voice was able to understand you. “I am the ocean, my love. The sea, the lakes and the rain pouring down on you. I can be salty, but I also can be sweet to those who give me love and respect. Would you give me love and respect, dear?” Her voice was almost motherlike, soft and gentle – and maybe the reason you were still alive. ‘I-I don’t know, Miss. Where are we? Why are they dead but I am still alive? Am I alive?’ A warm laugh was heard, hitting you directly into your heart and causing you to smile as well. “You are alive, love. And so, so strong. Tell me, if I gave you a chance, a chance to survive and serve me, would you take it? You are such a beautiful young woman with a voice gifted by the gods, it would be a waste to just let you die under my touch. I can help you survive for at least another hundred years.” The cold waves around you were suddenly just as warm as a comfortable bathtub, your eyes weren’t as heavy anymore – and you were finally able to breath again. Under water!

‘But what about my parents? All those children? Who am I to accept such an offer while seeing this destruction around me?’ Another gentle laugh was heard by the ocean, then it felt like she was stroking your hair and pressing a kiss on your forehead. “That is why I chose you instead of them, you were the only one to worry about the others not just yourself. Now, what do you say, my dear? Would you like to be a part of us? A siren? Living for the ocean, but being able to walk around on the earth just like you did before? Just, maybe once a year, I’ll need your help. You know, this is how I keep alive”, she opens your eyes for you to see all the pain and suffocation, “It may sounds rough to you, but I need this kind of sacrifice to keep all those humans alive with my water. Rain costs energy, so does transporting boats and all those things you humans want me to help you with. You understand that, love, don’t you?” ‘I think I do…’, you whisper, ‘If that’s so, I think… I’d like to be part of your family.’ “I knew you were a smart girl, my love. Now, open your eyes for me, look at you, it is time to wear your ocean dress with pride.”

You do as you’re told, sinking your gaze onto your naked legs just to see beautiful fish swimming around them, pressing thousands of little salt flakes onto your skin until the most beautiful dress you’ve ever seen covered your body. All those wounds you gained from napalm and war in general were gone, it even seemed like you’ve gained a few extra pounds, giving you a healthier look than before. You swim around, laughing from all the new energy you felt, until you took your chance to look around – without seeing anyone. “Ocean?”, your voice was finally heard out loud instead of being just in your head. “I am here, love, everywhere around you. You will never be able to see me, but you can always feel me once you touch water. Just as I will always be able to feel you, my love. Now, swim, decide where you want to live and wait for me to call you once I need your survey. Good luck.”

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Good luck, that’s what you indeed needed whenever your mother ocean called you. Singing other people into death wasn’t exactly what you could call an easy job, even after 50 years of doing to, the weight of thousand dead bodies on your shoulders, you tend to hate every minute of being under water to serve. “She will call soon again, Y/N”, Eunae whispers as the two of you were sitting on rock in the surf. After the ocean sent you away, you settled down on Jeju-Do island, loving the peaceful nature – and the little humans that come here during spring and summer. “I know… And I still have almost another 50 years. Sometimes I really wish I was the one to die during the accident.” Eunae sighs, hugging you from the side as she gives you a sympathetic smile. “You need to forget about that night, Y/N, just like all of us. I don’t know why you’re still holding onto it. Its over, mother ocean made her decision and you should be glad she chose you. What are you missing from your human life? War? Pain? Starvation? Let me tell you that we have the best life right now, despite the little serving we need to do once a year, that’s nothing compared to what mother gave us.” Eunae was always the one to enjoy her new, better life. She didn’t mind all the burdens it costs you.

“I miss speaking to people other than you and Chunhei. I miss having company, I miss going to concerts and restaurants because wherever I go, I’m not able to speak unless I want to cause a mass death.” Eunae laughs, shaking her wild locks with every head movement. “But, Y/N! You can do all of that! Chun and I, we go out with guys all the time, we go to clubs, we go to parties and we have sex, for fucks sake! Just because your voice means death to them doesn’t mean you can’t go out and live your life. You have the chance to travel more than anyone else, we can swim wherever we want! America, Italy, Germany – hell, you haven’t even been to Hawaii or Bali! We need to change that as soon as possible, let me call Chun real quick, maybe she’s up for a little trip-“, “Stop, Eun! Believe me, I don’t want to. I enjoy every second I’m not in the water, sometimes my thoughts are a little to depressing for mother and she scolds me. I don’t need that right now. Besides that, we will need to go into the water sooner than I’d like, let’s rest until then, nobody knows what kind of accident she wants us to create this year”, a heavy sigh leaves your lips as you stand up and climb down the slippery rock, trying not to step into the bigger puddles to avoid any connection with the ocean.

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“My loves, it’s time, come and visit me.”

Sighing, you put your book aside and checked your phone – it was early noon, an unusual time for the ocean to call out for you. “Y/N, are you ready?”, Chun knocked on your door, waiting for you to answer. Instead, you shuffled out of the warmth of your just to walk out in your pajamas. The ocean would change you into your dress anyways. Yawning, you nod towards your friends while opening the front door of your beach house – mother ocean always wanted you close to her. “Let’s get things done”, you mutter while walking towards the calm waves. Instantly you felt the change, tiny droplets of saltwater formed into diamonds on your skin, forming the dress you’ve worn ever since the ocean turned you into her Siren. “Hello mother”, Eunae giggles as her own dress covered her body and she was ready to dive down. You and Chun followed her, but you were the only one feeling a bit off. “Y/N, my love, is something wrong?” Shaking your head, you tried to smile, but you knew it looked fake. “I’m just a bit tired these days, maybe I’ll head off to the volcanos after our job. Don’t worry, mother.” “What is our mission going to be?”, Chun asks curiously, her red curls surrounding her head like Arielle the Mermaid. “7 boys… They will visit your island very soon, I want them. I know this is very specific, but they’re energetic and could feed me for almost two years because of their bond. Their names are Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jeong Hoseok, Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. They will arrive within the next couple of days for vacation, I’m sure you’ll recognize them. It won’t be hard, sing for them, draw them towards the water and the rest will be my work. You can go now. Oh, and Y/N. Make sure your tiredness will be gone by then, I won’t forgive mistakes for this one.”

Your eyes widened at the ocean’s words, confusion and adrenaline running through your veins as you nod, mumbling a quiet “Yes mother”, before swimming off as well.

Unlike your friends, you weren’t always looking for the seven boys that were soon to arrive on your island. Chun always took your missions very serious, not daring to fail them at all. “I wonder how they look; their names sound Korean too… Usually mother wants us to go for big parties on boats or on the beach, she doesn’t care about names. What’s different about them?” Eunae sighs as you were currently walking through the empty streets, allowing you to use spoken words instead of thoughts. “Mh, I don’t really know, maybe they did something bad while going for a swim? Maybe they used her power more than once, were supposed to die a long time ago but didn’t? We never know why mother ocean chooses specific boats, there must be something about those boys”, you mumble while enjoying the last slurp of your milkshake. Soon, those ice cafés would close due to the lack of tourists coming by. The summer was about to end, and you couldn’t decide whether it was a good or a bad thing. Sure, at the end of summer, when nobody was left in town, you were able to actually go out and speak instead of living a mute girl’s life, but you always missed the beaming heat of sunlight on your skin whenever the weather got colder. “Well, I might go and check the beach area, maybe they already arrived”, Eunae sighed as your paths split, leaving you alone on the promenade.

Walking all by yourself was something you recently learned to enjoy after decades of being alone. In the beginning, you really hated it, thinking people would stare at you, the way you used to dress. But time changed, you went shopping quite a lot and even found a new sense of style for yourself – but you by far favorite invention were smartphones and music apps. Ever since, you weren’t really seen without headphones, eyes wandering through the sky or over the ocean, but you also loved to watch those different tourists from all over the world. Today was quiet though, you’ve passed one or two inhabitants, but neither of them was interesting to you – until he came.

You mind was off, your music too loud and there was no way to prevent the little accident that you and that disgustingly handsome man were about to have. Soon enough, the both of you were laying on the ground, a hurtful expression on your faces. “Fuck, I’m sorry”, the guy decided to speak up as he looked at you with doe eyes, lips in an adorable pout. “I was too focused on my music and the landside; I didn’t even see you.” You sighed, standing up and wiping the dust from your jeans. Your mouth opened – but then you realized: you weren’t going to speak to him. Instead, you nodded and offered him your hand with a sympathetic smile. His hand was slightly sweaty, just like the rest of his – toned, tanned and delicious looking – body. “I just arrived today, never been here, so I thought a run is the best way to discover this island, isn’t it?” Again, you just nodded, biting your lip to hide the smile that still lingered on it. He laughed, running his hand through his damp hair to get them out of his eyes. “You’re a shy one, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t bite”, he tries to joke, but realizes that it sounded like the most douchebag thing to say. “I didn’t mean it like- Ugh. I’m sorry”, he winced, but you waved it off, using sign language to show him that you weren’t shy – just not able to speak. His eyes widened, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “You can’t speak?” You nod. “But you can understand me?” You nod, again. “Weird, but cool”, he shrugs. “So, would you mind me taking you out for another milkshake just to make things up?” Smiling, you nod once more, leading the way towards your favorite place.

Time went by, you started by drinking a milkshake together, but ended up in one of the island’s most popular restaurants. The fact that you weren’t able to speak wasn’t a problem – laughing was. You just couldn’t laugh, otherwise he’d hear your voice anyways, but that young man was just too funny that your silent laugh almost wasn’t enough. One thing led to another, dinner wasn’t just dinner anymore, because soon enough you opened your front door for him, lead him into your bedroom and that’s when things got heated.

In the beginning, your lips met in a soft, lovely kiss, different to what you were expecting, you thought he was one of those guys that needed full dominance in the bedroom, but by now he just made your heart flutter in the most amazing way possible. You kissed for what seemed like hours, exploring your still clothed bodies while you sat comfortably in his lap. He didn’t give you a single chance to pull away, instead he buried his hands in your unruly hair, quietly moaning into the kiss that gave him more than it probably should. The erotic sound was your chance to break the kiss, enjoying the view in front of you for a while: swollen lips on that precious face, messy hair that almost reached his chin – and those eyes. You could swear they were able to see right into your soul.

“Fuck, I don’t even know your name. I’m Jungkook”, he breathed out as he waited for a reaction. Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. Realization hit you quickly once you remembered that you’ve just heard this name a couple of days ago, he was one of the seven boys you were supposed to serve the ocean. You wanted to scream, to run away and never see him again, but you suddenly felt it: the urge to fulfill your mission, the bond with mother ocean. There was no chance for him to survive this night, if you found Jungkook this way, your friends would’ve probably already found his friends – if they were still alive by then. You pout while slowly tracing the letters of your name on his still clothed chest, thinking how to solve this situation. He was going to die, it doesn’t matter if you were the one to lead him towards the water, the others would find him anyway. But you could give him an amazing last night on earth. “Y/N”, he whispered your name, causing tiny tears to swell up in your eyes, but you swallowed them down quickly enough for him to not notice, instead you smiled, forming his name with your lips.

Then, you quickly pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him only in his black cargo pants. You nearly gasped as soon as you saw his broad chest, gulping at the sight of his veiny arms, wanting his strong hands to choke your life out of you. As soon as you saw him in this godlike state, you couldn’t help but pull him onto you and kiss his swollen lips. Wrapping your legs around his torso, you pull his waist against yours, enjoying the friction quietly. Your lips were dancing against each other’s, sloppy and wet, the sound echoing through the room combined with Jungkook’s heavenly moans. Your black fingernails wander down his back, scratching lightly before finding their way into his pants. Breaking the kiss once more to almost rip your shirt off you, Jungkook could feel the electricity between the two of you, tingling as if little sparks would light up on your naked skin from time to time.

Gazes still locked, admiring your opponents still half-clad body in the pale moonlight, you smile up at him, biting your lip while waiting for his next move. Soon enough, your face was covered in strands of his hair as he moved his lips down your neck, sucking onto sensitive spots and inhaling your intoxicating scent. He covered your bra-clothed chest with a mixture of sweet little kisses, soft nibbles and even some bites here and there – but you didn’t mind at all. Your eyes were closed, lips parted, and your mind went absolutely crazy. One of your hands found its way into the messy hair of your affair, loving the incomparable and satisfying feeling of Jungkook on top of you. But as amazing it was, you couldn’t control yourself anymore, pushing Jungkook off your body and howling over him, holding his upper arm in a tight grip while smiling down at him with a satisfied grin. Jungkook couldn’t believe what you just did, growling with furrowed eyebrows to show you who’s in charge, but also loving the fact the you were quite a challenge. And then you did it – you growled back at him, causing his neck hair to erect, leaving goosebumps all over his body. Soon enough, Jungkook’s hand was wrapped around your neck, his thumb pressing against your chin to move it towards his face just to capture your lips once more.

Your tongues start to fight over dominance while your way smaller hand wraps around his throat as well, your tiny hand not even fitting halfway around his thick throat. Spit was dribbling down your chin, loud smacking sounds were heard, while you slowly traced the lines of his abs, letting your nails dance around his belly button which makes him hold his breath and flex. Pointing towards his rock hard middle, you used your tongue in your cheek with a questioning look as to ask him if he wanted you to suck his dick. You smiled innocently as you removed your bra, freeing your wonderful tits right in front of his face. Jungkook breathed out, quietly thanking god for creating this girl. Little did he know. “Yeah, babygirl. So bad, please”, he groans while grabbing your boobs with his large hands, watching your nipples harden in awe. “Wait with that blowjob, I need them first”, he mumbles while already having one of your nipples in his mouth, playing with the sensitive bud and pulling it with his teeth.

You throw your head back in pleasure, pulling on his silky hair and almost mewling under his touch as Jungkook decided to tease you even more, letting one of his giant hands wander down your stomach, under your jeans and teasing the lacy material of your thong before sliding underneath it, gazing the silky skin under there. Your nipple pops out of his swollen lips while he stares at you with an adorable pout. “You’re so wet, angel. Your pussy is already begging for my attention, isn’t it?” He softly strokes your wetness along your folds, the task being almost impossible because of your tight jeans, so you quickly take the hint and pull it off – leaving you in nothing but your favorite pair of peach colored lace thongs.

Once you’re undressed, he doesn’t waste any time to pin you back underneath him, having you clawing onto his broad shoulders. Jungkook chuckles at your desperation and pops his tongue before shaking his head. “No-uh, princess, not now.” With that, he undresses as well before crawling up on top of you, sitting down onto your chest and grins down at you. Smirking, he grabs his throbbing dick with one hand and your jaw with the other, slapping his cock against your cheek a few times. “Open up, pretty girl.”

Of course, you obeyed, opening your mouth and letting him shove his dick down your throat, trying to relax your jaw, but he was thicker and longer than you were used to, so you couldn’t help but gag over it. Jungkook chuckled, pulling back a little bit to have you playing with his tip, licking around it and tasting every single drop of precum while his masculine scent filled your nose – you couldn’t help but purr in pleasure, already being glad you decided to take Jungkook home with you. His hand leaves your jaw just to press down on your throat, causing your breath to hitch. “Moaning around my cock, huh? You’re so desperate”, his tongue pops once again, causing shivers to erupt all over your body. Your hand slips down, trying to reach your painfully wet core, but Jungkook is fast enough to slap it away, leaving you frowning and gently biting down onto his cock. As soon as your teeth met his sensitive skin, he pulls back, growling at you and pulling you up towards his face. “How dare you?” His eyebrows were furrowed, eyes darkened from lust and anger. Yours on the other hand were sparkling mischievously as you shrugged your shoulders while biting your lips to hide the smirk forming on them. “Tz, acting all that innocently whilst we both know what a filthy thing you are, princess. Now, c’mon, show me how sorry you are and open your mouth again.”

Of course, you listened, how could you not? You’d do anything for him in this situation, so you obeyed and opened your mouth, sticking out your tongue for him. You just see his jaw moving, curious what was about to happen now, all you thought was that he wanted you to suck his cock again. But then it hits you; you heard the sound of his lips right before you feel a wet sensation around and inside your mouth. Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, you smirked while shaking your head, acting like you were swallowing his spit – before collecting even more of yours in your mouth, swirling it around before spitting the entire look back at him, aiming right at his face. Licking your lips in satisfaction, you enjoyed the fuming expression on his face. Never had anyone dared to even disagree with him – yet be disrespectful towards him. Jungkook was used to be the dominant one, loving to have girls and boys underneath him, never even having to fight to be in that place. But there you were, acting like a brat, doing whatever you liked without even having to use your mouth for it – Jungkook was absolutely digging it. He couldn’t help but smirk at you, using his thumb to wipe away the spit on his face before sucking it clean afterwards. “I knew you were delicious, angel”, he shoots you a wink before rubbing your nipple with his still wet finger.

“But now that I got to taste your delicious spit, I really need to taste your juices. I can smell them from here”, Jungkook shoves you back down again, holding your hips against the mattress while enjoying the view of your ruined thong, the peachy color complimenting your skin type so well that he didn’t even want to remove it from your body. He decides on leaving it on for a little longer, just pushing the soft fabric to the side before taking a deep sniff of your scent. “Delicious”, he mumbles mostly to himself before dipping his finger into the glistering paradise, rubbing your juices between his fingers and licking them off slowly, wanting to taste everything you gave him. He spreads your legs even further, bopping your clit with his nose while going right in your hole with his tongue, exploring your insides, slurping out everything you gave him while groaning against you. You were – obviously – a mess underneath him, in need of more friction on your clit which he just didn’t give you by just licking your cunt. You squirm, trying to rub yourself against his nose but he just laughs it off, moving his head away a bit. “It doesn’t work like that, angel”, he scolds you, looking directly into your eyes. Anger flames up in you, annoyed by his attitude and you couldn’t play this role any longer, grabbing him by his locks, pushing him back and placing your aching core onto his face. With that, you began moving on his tongue, his lips and his nose, spreading your arousal everywhere, even in his sweaty flop of hair sticking to his forehead. Jungkook’s hands automatically grab your buttcheeks, spreading them apart while enjoying the meal you gave him. The movements of your hips got faster and faster, you were literally fucking his face, your body shaking and you almost couldn’t contain to be quiet – you were close, and he knew that. Seconds before your orgasm arrived, he pulls his tongue back inside, lifting you up from his face and smirks at you, having you look down at him in disappointment and even more anger. “Sucks, huh? I feel you, hun. Maybe next time.” But you just shook your head, your body still weak while your entire weight was balancing on Jungkook’s hands – you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself up anymore.

Furrowing your eyebrows at him, you moved your tiny fingers down your body to rub your clit quickly, knowing the spots that’ll make you cum in literal seconds. Soon enough, your body was trembling again, legs shaking and toes curling, so you quickly plunged two fingers inside your hole, moving them in and out the fastest pace you had to offer. Jungkook watched carefully, his throbbing length about to explode, still holding you up in front of his face. His eyes tracked the way your fingers moved, droplets of your wetness falling down onto his face here and there, but he didn’t knew what was about to come at him. Seconds later, you couldn’t hold it anymore, squirting like a champion all over his face, the mattress and even yourself while Jungkook watched in awe, trying to catch most of it with his tongue, but couldn’t even swallow the load you let out. Once nothing comes out anymore, he presses his lips back onto your cunt, licking it as clean as possible before kneeling over you with a satisfied grin.

“Didn’t know you had that in you, angel. So, so dirty.” He smacks one of your tits before grabbing onto your throat again, making you look at him. You didn’t know what came into you, never wanting to fight for dominance that bad, but Jungkook made it easy for you. Even though he was a giant, he let you flip him over and take control whenever you liked and you fairly enjoyed that. But this time, you wanted to be underneath him, wanting him to use you and make you his slut. You wanted him to mark you, leave bruises around your body and be reminded of this fuck even two days from now. Jungkook growls at you, sticking his tongue out for you to suck on it which you do happily while wrapping your legs around his toned torso.

Then, without even warning you, he thrusts into you, burying his cock balls-deep in your tiny pussy, leaving him groaning and you gasping for air before he screams out in pleasure. Your eyes kept locked while he bites your lip, sucking on it and letting it go with a pop. You were just about to close your eyes to let yourself fall into the hole of pleasure when Jungkook pulls you back to reality. “Open your eyes, princess. Look at me while getting fucked. Show me how good I am to you.” You obeyed, clinging onto his shoulders, frowning because of the amount of pleasure he was giving you with his giant cock, filling out every inch of you and you bet you could feel him in your stomach. You quickly lost yourself in the dark vortex of his eyes and feeling the infamous knot in your stomach again. Jungkook feels you starting to clench around him and goes slower, clenching his jawline while his abs flex uncontrollable, covered by a thin layer of sweat. “Not yet, baby. Want it to last”, he whispers while kissing you quickly. You pinch him in frustration, not wanting to miss any chance of an orgasm. Using all your strength left, you flip him back under your body, quickly slipping his cock back in and sighing in relief. You you start moving your hips, swinging them while kneading your own tits and looking down at that beautiful man.

He just shakes his head in disbelief, crossing his arms behind his head and watches your divine body grinding on him. He could see your wetness running down your thighs, meeting his own ones. The vein of his neck was popping, and you couldn’t stop yourself from wrapping both of your hands around it, supporting all of your weight onto him. Jungkook stopped breathing for a second before realizing that you had him whipped – nobody could ever do that to him without getting slapped the fuck out of them, but you were fucking hot like that. He could even feel your nails sinking into his skin, only imagining how your fingers would look like around his muscular neck. You enjoyed the view as well, your body was about to explode – you felt powerful, admiring Jungkook for letting himself submit to you even though he could crash you in seconds. But there he was, completely relaxed and full of trust in you, indulging your effort and completely admiring you. He wanted to take his time with you the next time you’ll interact that way, wanted to praise your body and wanted to get to know your perks and habits. You on the other hand were concentrated to build up your orgasm, ready to let go just yet, knowing that Jungkook would last just a bit longer to switch up positions once again, you just knew what he wanted to do next. You didn’t even need to rub your clit like you used to with other guys, the sensation of his cock deep inside your pussy was just too much to handle, so you came once more, even squirting a little again, but not too much to actually be seen. Grinning at Jungkook, you climbed down off him and get on all fours, shaking your ass at him. Jungkook understood and was quick enough to pound into you, pressing your head on the mattress and lifting your ass up even more, his thrusts becoming quicker and quicker while wrapping your hair around his wrist. “Jungkook!”, your screaming echoed throughout the entire room and brought Jungkook over the edge once he felt your orgasm shaking your body a final time. He quickly pulled out and grabbed your face towards his already leaking cock, pumping himself a few times and finally releases right inside your mouth.

Then, you realized what just happened, eyes wide as you looked at his changed expression, eyes empty as he looked out of the window- right towards the ocean. “I need to go”, he monotonous mumbles as he made his way towards your patio, not even bothering to get dressed. “Jungkook, no!”, you screamed, knowing that you made things just worse for him. He smiled, your melodic voice filling his ears, combined with the song of the ocean. “Let him, Y/N! You promised! He is just another human, let him go. Don’t disobey me!” The ocean’s voice filled your ears just as she filled Jungkook’s with her melody. But to you, her voice sounded rough, disappointed and… not as loving as she used to talk to you. You grabbed Jungkook’s arm as soon as his feet touched the soft sand, pulling him towards you, but he was unstoppable, reaching the soft waves of the water, that weren’t going to stay soft and peaceful. Within seconds, they would eat Jungkook alive, leaving not even a dead body for his family to cry over. “Jungkook”, you whimper as he lets himself fall into the water, tears running down your face as you sob uncontrollably. “Mother, don’t! Take me, please!”, you scream, trying to pull his body back up onto the surface, but you knew he was gone, he wouldn’t come back to breathe the salty air, his lungs were already filled with water. “Don’t be stupid, my child! He is just one of them, the other six are already here, let him be! Remember what would happen if you saved him”, she scolds you. “He would die the next time he touches water”, you whisper as you let his hand go, watching his still beautiful but way paler body sink into the darkness. “I could’ve loved him, mother, you know?”

Hours later, you were sitting on your couch, a mug with your favorite tea in your hands, but your empty heart couldn’t get any warmer. Jungkook died, another beautiful soul died, just because you weren’t dead. Because you decided to follow the ocean’s lead. Your eyes were dry, tears no longer forming. You were just staring at the wall, waiting for your Siren sisters to come back from their mission.

The door opens with a squeal, heavy steps were heard, and you turned your head in confusion. Were they really going to hook up with some guys after they just ended six lives? Male laughter echoed through the room, melodic and soft, as the steps came further, and a handsome man came into your sight. “Oh, hi! I’m Jimin! I suppose, you are Y/N? Our new… sister?” “Jimin, don’t scare her, she doesn’t know about this!”, another godlike male stepped into the living room, an annoyed expression on his face. “I’m Yoongi, I don’t even know why I’m here, my voice isn’t made for this. I don’t want to sing people to death, I want to die myself” “Yoongi, shut up!”, a red-haired man flipped Yoongi’s head while plopping down next to you. “I’m Hobi, the entertainer of this group, I will turn your life into a rainbow!”

Your mouth hung open as man after man stepped into your living room, introducing themselves, until… “Hi, I’m Jungkook. I guess mother ocean gave us one more chance.”

367 notes · View notes

profoundnet · 5 years

Photo

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR SEPTEMBER 2019!

Featuring works from Arielaquariel, @saywhatjessie, @nickelkeep, @mittensmorgul, @andimeantittosting, @banshee1013, hvnlyangel80, @wingsandimpalas, and @lunastories!

Masterpost below the cut.

Arielaquarial - ArielAquariel

The Proper Care and Feeding of Houseplants (G, 9.5k)

Cas is a YouTuber who makes videos primarily about plants. Dean is the unwilling recipient of a fern. Despite his mediocre efforts to keep the thing alive, it's only a week before its knocking on death's door. Desperate to save it before his brother finds out, he stumbles onto Cas's youtube channel.

Tags: Meet cute, youtuber castiel, Missouri always knows, alternate universe, fluff

JessJesstheBest - @saywhatjessie - JessJesstheBest

He’s a Little Bit Country (T, 8.5k)

"Tell me what we’re doing here today, Clarence.” Castiel shifted on his feet, moodily, but answered her in a grumble. “We’re putting on a concert benefit for Planned Parenthood.” “Right! And why is that?” “Because this country is run by a monster who is trying to take away the reproductive rights of women and we need to raise money to continue to fund our program which helps women have agency in their own bodies." Or the one where Castiel, as part of planned parenthood, puts on a joint punk and country benefit concert where he meets Dean Winchester, the handsome country enthusiast who is also an asshole.

Tags: Ace!Cas, Punk!Cas, Planned Parenthood, Cas has tattoos and wears makeup

Hey Baby (Uhh, Ahh) (G, 3.5k)

He had a pretty significant following already from NXT but… this was the big leagues. This was Monday Night RAW. To make his prime time debut during the Monday Night RAW after Wrestlemania was how you knew things were happening. This is where shit got real.

Or a Dean and Cas's first match against each other as professional wrestlers (Prequel to "Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner")

Tags: WWE au

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

Paradise by the Dashboard Light (E, 7k)

"It's not our viewers I'm worried about." Castiel groaned and walked to his room.

Balthazar laughed as he headed outside to the car. "I guess I'll have to edit this video. I'll consider this payback for when he put grape juice in my wine bottles."

Castiel stood in the doorway with a pot of water and a suction cup dildo in his hand. "Is there anyone around?"

"Just me. Now come on. You don't want that water to get cold, do you?" Balthazar goaded.

"No." Castiel rushed to the car as quickly as he could, hoping he couldn't be seen. "I swear, I hope none of our neighbors are subscribers."

Balthazar took a few steps back as Castiel poured the water over the dent. After the pot was empty, Castiel handed it to his brother and aimed the suction part of the dildo into the center of the dent. He counted down, "Three. Two. One," and slammed it into place.

Tags: AU - Modern, Strangers to Lovers, Semi-public Sex, Sex on Baby, Morning After Sex, Public Nudity, Sex Toys Not Used in the Way They're Supposed to Be.

What About Us? (M, 9.5k)

Dean ran his hand down his face and headed back to his bedroom. He pulled out “Sweetcheeks'” information and grabbed his phone. After double and triple checking the number, Dean pressed the call button. He wasn't sure what to expect but took a deep breath in and out for each time the phone rang.

After several rings, the voicemail picked up:

Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Castiel Novak. I'm sorry I was unable to take your call at this time. If you could please leave your name, your number, and the reason for your call, I'll be glad to call you back as soon as possible. Have a wonderful day.

Dean frowned. The guy sounded like a decent sort. It also meant that he had probably been the other guy. As the tone sounded, Dean let out a heavy sigh and left his message.

"Hi, Castiel. I'm probably the last person on the planet you ever want to hear from, but my name is Dean, and I think we need to have a talk. It's about April. My number is (555)-555-6767. That's my cell. I'll have it on me all day, so please call as soon as you can. Thanks."

Tags: Modern AU, Infidelity (Not Dean or Cas), Implied Domestic Abuse (Not between Dean and Cas), Author is not a Lawyer, Slightly Dubious Interpretation of the Law, Revenge is Best Served Hot, Implied Queerphobia, Car Destruction (Not Baby), Happy Ending

Stay With Me (E, 7k)

Cas nodded and followed after Dean as they made their way to the elevator. They took the ride up in silence, Dean trying his damnedest to not stare and admire Cas. He knew that Cas humored him for the evening, listening to him rant about issues in Modena. But the looks he received in return, the smiles, the genuine interest. If there was any interest returned, Dean was screwed.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, letting them off onto their floor. They walked the few feet to their shared room, with the single bed and the probably not-as-comfortable couch. Cas unlocked the door and opened it, and Dean followed inside, turning to close it and lock it.

As Dean turned back around, Cas was already sitting on the couch, taking off his shoes. He walked closer and looked at the bed before looking at Cas. "So, I was thinking."

Cas looked up. "About?"

"We're adults, right? It's a king-size bed. There's room for both of us on there. There's no need for you to sleep on the couch. It's not like you were kicked there for doing something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong."

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Archaeology/Anthropology, Strangers to Lovers, There Was One Bed!, One Night Stand, References to Recent Events (Lovers of Modena), Angst with a Happy Ending

Something So Magic (T, 5k)

About halfway through cleaning and treating the wounds, the cat started to stir. It let out a very confused sound meow, causing Dean to chuckle. "I know, right? Last thing you know, you were outside with a big bad bird swooping in over you." The cat turned to look at Dean. "Aren't you a bright little guy? Sorry, I figured that out while cleaning you up." Dean tended to a final spot along the cat's rear leg. "Almost done, and I can get you something to eat."

The cat chirped in response and tilted its head.

"All done." Dean held up a finger and turned his head before sneezing. "Sorry little guy, I'm allergic to cats. But you do need some strength. I'm pretty sure I've got a can of tuna or something around here." Dean wandered over to the kitchen area and looked through his cabinets.

The cat rested it's head on its paws and watched as Dean dug through his rations. "Here we go. One can of tuna. I guess that's a little cliché, but you work with what you've got." Dean opened the can and drained out the excess water. "While we eat, I'm gonna look for a spell to heal you up a little more so you can be on your way, okay?"

Tags: AU - Modern with Magic, Witch!Dean, Familiar!Castiel, Light Angst, Fluff, Spells and Enchantments, Happy Ending

Use Both Hands (E, 2.5k)

“I’m still not going to talk about it, Sam.” Dean’s back was to the door, and his head was resting in his palms. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Would caffeine help, Dean?”

Cas’ voice caused Dean to whip around and look at the door. “Uh. Yeah, it’s um...” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s appreciated, Cas.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Dean.” Cas set the coffees and the bag of pastries down on the table before carefully pulling one out of drinks out of the tray. He crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to Dean, handing him the cup. “Sam told me that you were suffering from some head issues.”

“Son of a bitch.” Dean let out a half-hearted chuckle before taking a sip of his coffee. “Of course he’d say that.

Tags: Canonverse, Love Confessions, Sammy Ships It, Pray for Sammy, Porn with a Little Plot

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul - MittenWraith

It’s Lily Dale (T, 14k)

They were at it again, Sam thought to himself as his eyes closed and he tilted his face up toward the heavens for mercy. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing full well there was no mercy to be found in Heaven, but maybe silently hoping the ceiling might cave in on him and put him out of his misery. It was an old bunker, after all, and who knows if they actually repaired all the damage from the grenade Dean fired off in there a few years back? It could happen, but unfortunately, sitting at a table in the library researching for a case-- any case that would give him an excuse to leave for even a day or two-- was probably his best bet. Even worse, the three hours Dean and Cas had been out running the long list of errands he’d invented to get them out of his hair for a while hadn’t been long enough for him to find that precious, precious case.

Tags: Alcohol, Love Confessions, Fluff and Humor, Sharing a Bed, Misunderstandings, Long-Suffering Sam Winchester, Background Case, Curses, idiots to lovers

Eleven (T, 2.5k)

It's been eleven years since a hunter an an angel walked into a barn... it's time they gained some perspective on how incredible the last eleven years have been.

Tags: Feelings Realization, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Castiel (Supernatural) Talks About Feelings, it's all just a bunch of feelings

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting - andimeantittosting

Friends With Benefits With Tentacles (E, 7.5k)

Dean's never been embarrassed about his porn collection before, but that was before he found Cas holding his prized copy of Sweet Princess Asuka and the Tentacles of Pleasure. Dean finds himself sweating bullets—because this is Cas, sweet, nerdy Cas. Cas, his friend. Cas, his roommate. Cas, his—only slightly out-of-control—crush.

Cas, with his big, blue eyes and muscular arms and perpetual sex hair.

Cas, with his tentacles.

The last thing he expects is for Cas to suggest they experiment together.

Tags: Alien!Cas, Consentacles, Friends with benefits to lovers, Roomates, Miscommunication

Banshee1013 - @banshee1013

Toes In The Sand (SFW)

"Toes In The Sand', Art created for the Suptober Art Challenge (Days 4, 5, and 6), with accompanying fluffy ficlet.

hvnlyangel80 - hvnlyangel80

Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe (M, 7k)

Holiday Prompt Challenge: Dean Winchester loves the holidays. Every Year just after Thanksgiving at the local mall they have a contest and give away something fantastic. This year it is a 1967 Chevy Impala and not just any Impala, It is Baby, his Baby.

The contest is called 'Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe'. You have to kiss someone for as long as possible lips cannot break. Last lips touching win Baby and 10g's. The trick is you are blindfolded and you wander around until they tell you to 'Kiss me under the Mistletoe ' Dean will do anything to get his Baby back. ANYTHING.

Enter Dr. Castiel Novak College grad with too many student loans to his name, he needs the 10g's and could care less about the car. He signs up for the contest and when the buzzer hits he feels the most sensual pair of lips. Cas does not know how long it goes for but he wants more of this man.

When the blindfolds are removed what will be their reaction to the other? They say there is magic when you kiss your soul mate under the mistletoe. Do you believe in magic Dean Winchester? Time to find out.

Tags: Castiel and Dean Winchester First Meet; Professor Castiel (Supernatural); Mechanic Dean Winchester; holiday fic; Meet-Cute; Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss; Castiel (Supernatural)'s First Kiss

Wingsandimpalas - @wingsandimpalas - WingsandImpalas

Watching from the Window (T, 2k)

Castiel's neighbour is singing again and it takes all of his willpower not to laugh. It’s not that he's a bad singer, quite the opposite, in fact, he's brilliant. It’s just that without fail every time the man steps into the shower he will power belt of all things: Disney songs.

Tags: Getting together, Neighbours, Dean is in a band, Disney songs

Lunastories - @lunastories - LunaStories

Only One Fucking Bed (T, 2k)

Dean and Cas get a call from Sam requesting their help on a ghost hunting case he'd been working on. They head off to meet him but end up at the wrong cabin. As if that wasn't enough, there was only one fucking bed.

Tags: fluff, there was only one bed, cuddling

#dean winchester #castiel #destiel #deancas #spn #profoundnet monthly masterpost #profoundnet #september masterpost #member fic #member art

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spissues · 5 years

Text

Week1

GW:57.0kg

day1

CW: 57.7 kg

Waist: 26in

Thigh: 24in

Wrist: 6in

(guess i was bloated b4(60.3kg))

Breakfast: 40g water oatmeal

Lunch: lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, chicken 50g

Dinner: 1 slice of bread with 2 eggs, + lettuce and cucumber

Snack: 4 almonds

In addition: water, coffee , tea

After day 1 i was so hungry I couldn’t sleep, therefore i had the almonds. Not sure if I should make adjustments or try to shrink my stomach

day2

CW: 58.6kg

Not sure why my weight has gone up this much.. I was working all day yesterday and didn’t have time to exercise. I’m assuming it’s water weight or I’m constipated so I try not to worry about it! The most important thing is to keep going... In truth I should plan eating less this day, as I’m joining a birthday party tomorrow, but I would like to be able to sleep.

Breakfast: <40g oatmeal

Lunch: 1.5 slices of bread, scrambled eggs (2??), with crispy lettuce, 2 slices of bacon and 20g(?) philadelphia cream cheese

Dinner: 300mL soup, 1 apple(170g) + 5g peanut butter

Snack: 3 small bites of cake.. 200kcal?

In addition: water, coffee

End of day note: frick!! I couldn’t help myself from cake at work today, but I hope I managed to keep 1200kcal... I think I should punish myself tomorrow somehow, but I’m not sure how. It’s important I don’t give up now. I ate this much dinner so I’ll be able to sleep without waking up from hunger and binge or smth... Been thinking I should find a model around my height I can look up to, and work towards.

day3

CW: 57.7kg

I know I will probably have to eat something before I sleep so I’m able to... Instead of lunch I will go to the gym.

Breakfast: 40g oatmeal

Lunch: Smoothie ice cream + sugar free soda = 78kcal

Dinner: probz 600kcal of what’s served at the birthday party (scrambled eggs, 1 piece of bread, small piece of salmon and turkey, ice berg lettuce)+ 3 pieces of cake!!!

In addition: water, coffee, 0kcal energy booster

End of day note: So... Birthday party was pretty late so I didn’t have to worry about having to snack before sleep. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway because I had way too much dinner and dessert! At first I was planning on a very light dinner + 1 piece of something sweet, cakee, so noone would suspect anything, and maybe not finish it. I think I went so hungry shopping today, I barely had energy to move and so my body was really craving sugar and carbs by the end of the night. I wasn’t able to workout. HOWEVER. I will not quit. I can still do this. This is my 3-day-curse where I binge and quit. I will not quit. I will keep going and in the end I will see results. Tomorrow, I’ll have my regular breakfast, skip lunch for gym and light dinner and snack... I will just get back on track like regular. It will be okay. (Although it sucks cuz today I could actually see my pants had been getting looser!!!)

day4

CW: 57.8 kg

Aaaa I didn’t gain too much from my binge yet!! I’m going to the gym today and I hope all those calories will go in to preserving my muscles... Still so hungry now I’ve woken up tho?? I’m determined to follow my plan!! I will not quit, school starts in 2 weeks, and I’m leaving for uni in a year. I can keep this going! I will make my end of week goal.

Breakfast: 40g oatmeal

Lunch: =Half a pack cup noodles + 70g veggies mix

Dinner: 1 slice of bread with 1 egg, ice berg lettuce, cucumber + pepsi max

In addition: water, coffee, tea,

End of day note: I didnt really think i ate that much but looking back it’s kind of hard to tell. I was really hungry before lunch, but before dinner I was both hungry & full? maybe full on water? I was feeling sort of sick and didn’t want to eat but I needed my mom to see me eat a meal today, she’s acting suspicious. I assume I’ll gain my weight from yesterday tomorrow, especially since I can’t find my gym card and can’t go to the gym and only walked a lil less than 7k steps today. But as long as I stay on track I still have hope to hit my week goal by the end of the week!

day5

CW: 58.0 kg

As expected I did gain a lil bit of weight, even though I followed my plan yesterday. I’m hoping it’s water weight, and will still follow my plan today for results!

Breakfast: Oatmeal 40g w water

Lunch: 1 slice of bread, scrambled eggs (2?) , 2slices of bacon, 10g cream cheese

Dinner: 1 large slice of pizza w 1tbsp dressing

Snacks: 1 small piece of cake(but spit out and not swallowed) , 500mL sugar free soda= 10kcal, cheese from pizza buns 20g? + 5 pieces of chips

In addition: water, coffee, tea

End of day note: Aaaaa.binge.sadz. totally exceeded 1200kcals.gots to keep going, but what makes things worse is that i’m at my dads now and don’t have a scale... I won’t be able to weigh myself until wednesday :’( Don’t know how i’ll keep my motivation up then... I will try my best! If i just keep going I’ll be able to wear huge sweaters in december...

day6

CW: ???

I’m at my dad’s!!!

Breakfast: Oatmeal 40g w water

Lunch: lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, chicken 50g

Dinner: 3 small pieces of homemade pizza, small homemade pizza bun

Snack: lil chocolate=150kcal, lil cupcake topping=200kcal, pizza dough + 30?g cheese, 15 chips

In addition: water, coffee, pepsi max

End of day note: :(. cravings. have to learn to fightem. At least I’m at my mom’s now and will be able to weigh myself tomorrow for motivation.

day7

CW:57.9kg

1 week ago I weighed 60.3 kg, so I’ve sort of lost 2.4kg since that. But actually I lost 2.6kg overnight, and even though it was probz water weight or smth, this sort of feels disappointing. At least I’ve sort of maintained that weight, but I find it hard to believe I’ll lose 0.9kg over tomorrow, so I probz won’t reach my goal for the week. Nevertheless, I’ll have to keep trying today, and try to eat less. Today I’ll be superr-aware not to snack in between my meals like I did yesterday, and eat only in the presence of my mom. If my mom wants me to eat but I’m not feeling hungry, I’ll say I’m sick or smth and have smth small instead, we bought 95kcal musli bars yesterday.

Breakfast: 2 small slices home made grain bread + 1 slice gouda + 1 slice brown cheese + 10g butter + 1/4 cup lettuce + 4 slices of cucumber

Lunch: Family dinner, only 1 plate! = 1 hamburger (1 patty, 1bread, 1/2cup lettuce + 4 slices of cucumber) + dessert= 50g mango

Dinner: Chia pudding: 1dL almond milk + 2tbsp chia seeds

Snack: 95kcal muslibar, ‘3-400 kcals of small bites of cake+bread+chips

In addition: water, coffee, pepsi max , tea

End of day note: Well. I was not able to avoid snacking. I think the problem is having nothing to do after eating a meal boosts my cravings. Also I went for a mountain hike after breakfast w my mom today. I didn¨t have any energy and almost cried myself to the top as I didn’t even get motivation on the way. It was awful. I’m disappointed with the week but I guess I’ll see my progress tomorrow. I just have to keep going. I feel really lonely. I don’t have the energy to do anything, but I kind of want to. Idk. I have work tomorrow I guess. I’m going to allow myself a small scoop of ice cream if I crave chocolate when I’m hungry. Hoping I’ll avoid binging. Hope I didn’t gain weight. Hope I¨ll be able to sleep even though I’m hungry.

RESULTS

CW: 57.0kg! (-0.7kg)

Waist: 25.6 in (-0.4)

Thigh: 23 in (-1in) each

Wrist: 6 in

So I just woke up and omg. I really wasn’t sure if I made it! This is just what I needed to keep going. Hopefully I’ll make smarter choices and binge less next week, and get even more results. I’m really happy about my thighs since they are huge and I lost 1 whole inch. I thought they seemed smaller in the mirror but I wasn’t sure- overall I’m really happy I made my first week goal and will continue :)

#not pro only using tags #thinspo #legspo #food log

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panda-noosh · 6 years

Text

Lifeguard Duty {Lance x Reader}{1/2}

Words: 7k

Summary: The cute lifeguard never failed to catch your eye whenever you visited the pool. He was always there, smiling and looking like he was having the time of his life. Honestly, you were perfectly fine with him ignoring you, but what happens whenever he finally notices you?

Genre: fluff - elements of angst?? - lifeguard!au

Warning: mentions of death and grief

Notes: part 2 - masterlist – the majority of you said i should split this into two parts, so the next part will be coming tomorrow night for you all! enjoyyyy!

---

“Are you ever going to just go up and speak to him?”

The voice snapped you out of the daze you hadn't even realised you had been absorbed in. That often happened to you – whenever Lance was on duty, it was very easy for you to suddenly dissolve into a world of your own, forgetting the people around you.

You turned back to Allura with a small jolt of your shoulders, very nearly knocking over the smoothie you had in front of you. “What?”

Allura raised a brow, tilting her head in question. This was a daily occurrence nowadays – now that summer was officially upon you both, going down to the pool to enjoy some sunlight wasn't rare. Although you hated swimming, sitting by the pool-side with a decent-sized smoothie in your hand wasn't something you could particularly object to.

Plus, the fact that Lance McClain – the lifeguard – was on duty most days made it that little bit more enjoyable for you.

“You're completely crazy, you know that, right?” Allura said.

You shrugged casually. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yes you do!” Allura leaned over and slapped your arm as if to emphasise her point. You simply raised a brow, straw half-way to your lips. “You've been checking out the lifeguard since we started coming here! Why don't you just go and say hello?”

Hello.

Allura pretended as if the word held no stick, as if it meant nothing. You knew better. Say it was your anxiety riddled brain, but you knew just how heavy that one word truly was, just how easily it could ruin everything for you.

It was the start of everything, wasn't it? Once you said hello to somebody, that person was immediately somebody in your life – one more person you would get attached to, one more person who could up and leave at their own leisure.

And Lance was only a summer crush, wasn't he? There was nothing special about what you felt for him, nothing that not every single woman in the world had felt at some point in their life. Once you were both back at school, slaving away over exam papers and unnecessary amounts of work, you would forget about him and not once look back.

“I don't know the guy,” you replied at last. “Besides, he doesn't even look in our direction most of the time. He probably doesn't even want me bothering him.”

“Bothering him,” Allura scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. “You're acting like Lance isn't the most social guy the world has ever seen. He's probably buzzing to talk to somebody. It can't be much fun just sitting in a lifeguard tower all day, waiting for some idiot to get caught in the deep end.”

“Yeah, well, that somebody won't be me.” You took yet another long, drawn-out sip of your smoothie, leaned back in your chair-

A mistake.

A big, big mistake.

Because as soon as you leaned back, you could see him again. Standing atop of that lifeguard tower with a rubber ring perched on his shoulder. His brown hair was shimmering underneath the sun, the majority of his tanned skin on show bar a pair of shorts that hung low on his hips, revealing his toned middle. He was shouting across the pool at one of his co-workers, a smile naturally pulled upon his lips.

You choked on the sip of smoothie you had taken, lurched forward again to try and get him out of your line of sight.

Allura shook her head slowly, looking at you as if she had never seen such a foolish specimen in her entire life – it was easy enough for her. She was gorgeous. She had the long hair and the bright smile and that confident aura that seemed to draw people to her like moths to flame, but you didn't have any of that. You were shy, nervous, huddled in your own little world because that was where you were safest. The idea of standing up and talking to a stranger, completely out of the blue, was beyond your idea of realistic. You would freeze up. You would make a fool out of yourself. You would probably end up fainting on the spot if Lance as so much as made eye contact with you-

You closed your eyes. Even your own thoughts were making you cringe at this point. How could your crush have gotten this bad so fast? Sure, Lance was attractive, and funny, and nice, and he loved his family, but none of that had anything to do with you. In fact, you hadn't even said two words to the man.

“Maybe we should go,” you grumbled.

Allura sighed. “You're gonna talk to him before the summer is over, do you understand me? I'm gonna get you two speaking if it's the last thing I do.”

You were already standing up, grabbing your pool bag and swinging it over your shoulder. “Don't waste your breath.”

With that, you placed your money on the table and bustled out of the pool, not once looking over your shoulder to glance at the lifeguard who was watching you leave.

---

A long time ago, your mother had told you about how, whenever you tried to avoid something, it started to show up in your life a lot more than usual. It was almost as if the world was playing some cruel joke against you, putting the one thing you wanted to avoid back into your life, only ten-fold.

Then, you had simply laughed at her and said she was being ridiculous – the world didn't know whenever you were trying to avoid something. There was no way in hell that it would be plotting against you, because it didn't even know what you didn't want.

But it was times like this when you looked back at the words your mother had said, and you believed them, because the proof was right in front of you.

“You want me to take her to the pool?” you hissed through gritted teeth.

Your father nodded, too busy stuffing his briefcase full of discarded papers to look up at you.

“Dad, I can't,” you said. “I have – uh – I have work to do, you know? I'm a student-”

“It's summer.”

“The grind doesn't stop just because its summer.” You grabbed for your dads arm, wanting nothing more than for him to just look up at you so he would be able to see the desperation on your face in this moment. “Can she not just go on her own?”

Your dad raised a brow, turned to look at you over his shoulder. Now that you had his attention, you quickly put on your most desperate of looks, popping your eyes wide open and raising your brows, pouting your lips in that way that used to melt him whenever you were younger.

He merely rolled his eyes, shook his arm out of your grip and went back to stuffing his briefcase with the sheets he would need for his all-important meeting today.

“You know, you have some nerve,” you grumbled, folding your arms over your chest. “Promising to take your seven year old daughter to the pool, and then making me take her.”

“Oh, stop complaining, Y/N. She's your younger sister, and she was so excited about today.” He stood up straight, started fixing his tie in the mirror. “It used to be your mothers thing to take her every summer, but we both know that can't happen now. Let her keep some familiarity in her life, will you?”

You swallowed thickly. He had a point. Your mother used to take Penelope out to the pool every single summer at least once, and you always remembered Penelope hopping back into the house, hair soaked and clothes tousled and crinkled, screeching with excitement as Mum followed behind her. Penelope would always have the greatest of times at the pool, but since your mothers death, things had been a little different.

You tried to push the guilt away – you had been complaining because of a boy. You didn't want to cheer your sister up because of a boy.

“Fine,” you said. “I'll take her. Where is she anyway?”

“In her room getting her pool bag packed.” Your dad then reached into his coat pocket, took out a ten pound note and pressed it into your hand. “Get her a smoothie or something – and don't forget about yourself, as well. I know you have a habit of forgetting to feed yourself.”

You smiled grimly; that was a new habit of yours. According to the doctors, it had something to do with grief, though you had brushed that fact off with a mere roll of your eyes. After your mother had died, every little mannerism you took on had become part of the grief. You couldn't breathe without people telling you it was because of her death.

Your father left the house shortly after that, yelling a goodbye up the stairs towards Penelope and giving you a stiff kiss on the cheek. Before he pulled away, he whispered a “Thank you,” in your ear, but then he was off again, bustling with his array of papers and his jacket which was much too big for him now – it used to fit him, used to hug his shoulders nicely, but after Mum's death, his weight had dropped off of him quicker than anybody could really comprehend. By the time anyone had picked up on it, his clothes were already drowning him and he had no interest in gaining it all back.

It was shortly after your dad left that Penelope came trudging downstairs in what could only be described as 'typical-seven-year-old' pool fashion; jelly shoes, a pair of bizarre sunglasses, a pair of floral patterned shorts and her old Rory the Racing Car tank top.

You raised your brow, watching her struggle to walk down the stairs with her bulky pool bag slung over her shoulder. “When was the last time you watched Rory the Racing Car?”

Penelope looked up at you, her eyes just visible over the top of her palm tree sunglasses. “Mum always told me to wear an old shirt to the pool so I don't get any of my good clothes wet.”

You frowned.

“Are we going now?” she asked.

You sighed as you grabbed your car keys, abruptly reminding yourself that this was all for Penelope. You didn't even have to look at Lance if you didn't want to – well, if you could gather some level of self control. Sure, he would be right there, but that didn't mean anything. He was there everyday – you two didn't need to interact.

---

Try as you might, there was truly no point in trying to control Penelope once the two of you had arrived at the pool.

She took one glance at her friends, who were all already gathering around the deep end, and was immediately telling you to hurry up and park, gathering up her pool bag and the floaties she had decided to bring with her.

“Would you just – Penelope!”

She had already thrown open the car door, threw herself out onto the tarmac and was padding towards the pool before you had even turned the car off. You sighed, switching off the engine, flopping against the old cloth seats in exhaustion; this was how you were going to spend the majority of your day. Watching your little sister run around, having the time of her life whilst pretending like Mum was here. You knew that was what she was doing. There was a tension in the air – a tension that was there purely because it was you in the front seat and not your mother. Penelope was seven, but she wasn't stupid. She noticed the shift, and it was obvious she wanted to be as far away from you as possible right now; any attempt to pretend like it was Mum running after her, Mum playing in the pool alongside her, Mum calling out for her.

You would let her imagine that scenario, if just for today. You would sit back, try and avoid Lance, and hopefully get a good bit of your writing done.

You gathered up your belongings and got out, padding along the tarmac until you arrived at the small cafe facing out of the pool. The villa was packed today, with holiday-goers crowding around outside and enjoying early alcoholic beverages. You, on the other hand, ordered yourself a smoothie and took a seat at the pool edge, laptop already perched on your knees with your word document open.

You had taken a long break from writing after your mother had died. Your motivation had been sapped out of you, and you could barely open your laptop, let alone get anything done. But it had been nearly a year now, and slowly, your passions had been crawling back to you.

One eye on the laptop, one eye on Penelope, you got to work, fingers tapping away at the keyboard, mind relaxed and soothed-

“Ay, Penelope! I thought you'd never appear!”

For some reason, your heart stopped dead in your chest.

Your eyes snapped up, body going rigid as Lance McClain's voice boomed out over the pool. His voice. His voice, calling out your sisters name as if the two of them were the best of friends.

But that couldn't be right, could it? How did Lance know about Penelope? How did them two even have the time to form a friendship whenever Penelope only came to the pool once a god damn year?

Either way, your eyes snapped up to examine the scene taking place in front of you. Lance was hanging out of the lifeguard tower, a broad grin on his face that very nearly made your chest cave in with how perfect it looked. Stupidly perfect. Absolutely, utterly, stupidly perfect.

Penelope was jumping up and down in the pool, waving her slim arms above her head. “Lance! Lance, come play! Jonah bought a beach ball with him!”

Lance laughed. “I'll be there in a minute, kiddo. Just gotta get my binoculars off.”

“No, keep them on! Then you'll be able to see everyone!”

Lance laughed again but paid Penelope's suggestion no heed. He untangled his black binoculars from around his neck, grabbed a towel from the back of his lifeguard chair and was climbing down the tower in a matter of seconds; you weren't sure why you were panicking so much.

His skin was glistening on this day. It was clear he hadn't been in the water from the dry state of his messy brown hair, but the sweat glistening against his toned middle was doing nothing to make the sight of him any less appealing.

“Oh god,” you mumbled to yourself, ducking your head back down. You would be fine. It was Penelope he was talking to, not you. You just needed to concentrate on your writing. This was your time to get a couple thousand words in, and you would not waste it.

But fifteen minutes later, no words had been written and you had spent the entire time glaring into the pool at your sister and her new friend.

Lance and Penelope were on one side, whilst Jonah and another one of Penelope's friends were on the other. Lance had Penelope up on his shoulders, and they were bouncing the beach ball back and forth between the two teams. Lance was pretending to be an overhead commentator, making odd crackling noises with his mouth every now and then for dramatic affect.

“And Tamzin dives for the ball!” he cried out as Penelope's friend dove to the left and knocked the beach ball back. “Kkkkkk – Penelope misses her chance at a – kkkkkkk – hit but that's okay because she is still the best – kkkkk – player this court has ever seen!”

Penelope howled in laughter. Jonah glared at Lance, waded over and pretended to hit the man in his stomach. Lance gasped over dramatically, and you watched as he tumbled back into the water, dunking your little sister. Penelope rose to the surface again, squealing with even more laughter than before as Lance pretended to have some horrible, unmendable internal puncture from a seven year olds punch.

It was as you were gazing over at Lance that Penelope looked over at you – you weren't entirely sure how you had missed it. It was Penelope with whom you were supposed to be looking after, and yet you had completely missed the way she suddenly gasped and started pointing at you as if you were some kind of creature in a zoo.

Lance rose up from the water at the sound of Penelope's sudden exclamation and followed the trace of her pointing finger.

“What are you pointing at?” he asked, and it was only then did you see that Penelope was, in fact, pointing at you.

No. No, Penelope, for the love of all that is holy-

“You haven't met my sister yet!” she howled.

You resisted the urge to slam your laptop closed and bolt back to the car park; to hell with the promise you had made your dad. You needed to get out of there in the next three seconds before Lance-

He was already waving at you. He had seen you. He had lifted his arm and he was waving at you and you were frozen. All of your senses had gone numb, because after nearly four weeks of coming to the pool everyday, you could not believe it was Penelope who was going to be the one who made Lance notice you.

“Y/N! Y/N, come say hi!” Penelope exclaimed, before she turned to look at Lance. “Mummy passed away last summer, so she wasn't able to take me this year – but Y/N is here!”

You bit down on your lip. Great. Now she had added the extra factor of your sob story, meaning conversation was never going to flow naturally.

Penelope turned back to you. “Y/N, why are you still sitting there? Come over here!”

“No, no, it's slippery,” said Lance. “I'll go over there. Why don't you lot keep playing, or do some laps, or something?”

Penelope nodded, went off with her two friends and basically left you out to dry all on your own.

You hastily closed the lid of your laptop, hiding the evidence of your lack of work as Lance waded out of the water and made his way towards you. You tried to come up with a greeting in your head, something that would suit the current situation, but it was no use. He was staring right at you as he walked towards you, a grin on his face, his hair stamped against his forehead due to the water, and you had absolutely no words left in your vocabulary to greet him with.

Luckily, he took the initiative.

“Hey,” he said, cheerfully. “You must be Penelope's sister, Y/N.”

You smiled shyly. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“I see you here all the time,” he continued. “I didn't know you two were related.”

“We don't really look alike . . . She got Mum's looks.” You silently cursed yourself – why did you have to bring Mum up in a conversation? Why could you not have one friendship that wasn't based around the pity of losing your mother?

Lance's smile wavered, but you could see he was trying hard not to show just how sad the comment had made him; if Lance was friends with Penelope, there was no doubt in your mind that he also had some kind of bond with your mother.

“Yeah. She looks a lot like her,” he said, before he shocked you by lowering himself onto the tiled floor at the side of your chair. He looked out over the pool, watching Penelope and her friends play with the beach ball he had left them with. “She's really strong, isn't she?”

You swallowed. “Yeah.”

“So are you, of course. I'm not saying you aren't.” He looked up at you. “I'm being so rude, aren't I? I'm Lance. Lance McClain.”

“I know,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. His face immediately lit up with an expression of amusement, whilst yours lit up in embarrassment.

You quickly shook your head. “Wait, no. That sounded creepy. I meant – like – I see you here all the time. You're a lifeguard, aren't you?”

“Meh. I sit up in a lifeguard tower for nine hours a day; it's not very often I actually have to do anything.”

“Must be nice.”

“Boring, actually.” He ran a large hand through his hair, pushing the soaked locks back from his forehead. You bit down on your bottom lip and turned away from him, trying to resist the urge to clench your fists. “It's only a summer job, which is why I see Penelope here most years. After I heard about what happened to your mother, I thought for sure she'd skip a year...”

“Nah,” you mumbled. “I took her instead.” It was pointing out the obvious, but it felt necessary to say it. It felt necessary to let somebody know that your families lives hadn't just been put on hold because of her death; Penelope still wanted to go to the pool. She just didn't get to go with the person she wanted to go with.

Lance nodded slowly. He was still gazing out towards the pool, keeping up his duties as lifeguard despite the slim chance of actually ever needing to do anything. For some reason, you found yourself admiring that about him.

“It's really nice of you,” he said suddenly. “To bring her here, I mean. She really enjoys it here every time she comes around.”

“It's not – It's not that big of a deal,” you mumbled, picking idly at a loose thread on your tank top. “I just don't want her thinking life is at a stand-still know, you know. I think she'd be having a much better time if Mum was here with her, but-”

“No,” Lance said abruptly. “You saw how excited she was to introduce me to you. She's having a great time – I see no difference in her in comparison to all the times she was with Ellen.”

You smiled gratefully, but the words didn't stick. You still looked out at your little sister now, wishing you had the confidence to do a little more, wishing you weren't weighed down by the feeling of grief that you had been pushing to the edge this past year for the sake of everyone else. Your dad had taken a complete downward spiral after your mothers death, and Penelope hadn't been much better; you felt as if you had to step up, as if you had to heal quicker than them because somebody had to keep the house afloat. Somebody had to be sane during a time when all you wanted to do was curl up and ignore the world.

Lance looked up at you as you looked out at your sister. You didn't notice him at first, which was odd. His blue eyes were startling, and you were sure that, if ever he did look at you, you would feel it like a hot spoon being pressed to the back of your neck. But right now, your eyes were glued to your little sister.

But then he reached forward, wrapped his fingers gently around your ankle and squeezed. You yelped, pulling your leg into your lap so fast that your laptop very nearly went crashing to the ground beside you.

Lance laughed. “Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!”

You pressed a hand to your collar bone, feeling your pulse. “It's – It's okay. I just – I'm jumpy, I guess.”

“Right,” Lance chuckled, before he nudged the leg of your chair with his elbow. “I just wanted to tell you that you're doing a good job. With Penelope, I mean.” He smiled then, looking up at you with the most sincere expression you had ever seen on anybodys face. “She loves you. I'm sure of it.”

---

“He just came up and spoke to you? Just like that? Like a normal human being?”

Allura gasped dramatically, clapping a hand to her chest and flopping back against the park bench. It was obvious she was mocking you. Being the social butterfly that she was, it was obvious that she saw nothing particularly interesting in the fact that Lance had actually introduced himself to you. She saw it as normal, which slightly dampened the excited shrill of your voice whenever you had told her of the past weeks events.

You rolled your eyes, kicking her leg. “Alright, we'll have less of that,” you grunted. “It was a big moment for me, okay? A big deal.”

“A big deal,” Allura scoffed, still slumped against the park bench like a discarded rag doll. “And who do we have to thank for this big deal?”

“Not you,” you replied. “It was Penelope who threw me under the bus.”

“Oh, give me a break!” Allura exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air dramatically. “If anything, you should be thanking that little girl. She might just be the person who kick starts a wonderful relationship.” Allura shimmied up, threw an arm around your shoulder and tugged you into her side lovingly, gazing out at the empty park you two were sitting in. “Imagine what you're gonna say in the future – my little sister introduced me to my husband. What a wild thing to think about.”

Your cheeks flamed immediately. You scowled and shoved Allura away from you, her laughing as you did so. “I don't think we should go that far. The conversation was a little . . . Depressing, to say the least.”

Allura raised a brow. “You spoke to him about Ellen?”

“I didn't want to.” It sounded more like an objection, as if you had to cover up for the fact that you had spoken to yet another person about your mother. “But Penelope said something about her, and then that was just it. That was the only thing to talk about.”

“Well, at least the big thing is out of the way,” said Allura. “If you hadn't spoken about it, it would have just caused tension between you, wouldn't it?”

You glanced over at her. She was messing nervously with her fingers all of a sudden, as if afraid to say what she was truly thinking.

She caught your eye and sighed. “Listen, I don't mean to be that girl, but almost everybody in the neighbourhood heard about Ellen's death when it happened. Anybody you're going to speak to is going to want to ask about it, but most people are too nervous to say anything. I'm just saying that it's good that you and Lance managed to get it out of the way early on – maybe next time you see him, conversation will be a bit more diverse.”

You nodded slowly. She was right, and you weren't entirely sure why she had been nervous to tell you such a thing. It was common knowledge amongst the people in your small estate at this point that the L/N family had lost a member of its clan last summer – the grief had shadowed over everybody, but along with it came the tension that appeared any time you stepped out of the house. Even now, close to a year later, you still struggled to meet the eyes of the pitying people you lived amongst. You had stopped saying hi to anybody in fear of them stopping you for a conversation that would only be filled with tension and awkwardness, and unaddressed situations you would rather avoid for the time being.

“Does he even live in this neighbourhood, anyway?” Allura asked, changing the subject with her usual calm and casual aura. “I don't think I've ever seen him anywhere but the pool.”

You shrugged. “I didn't ask.”

“See? There's another conversation topic you can try on him next time you see him – where he lives.”

“Do you want his address and postcode, too?”

“If it's on the table-”

“I was kidding!” You rolled your eyes, an amused grin forming on your face. Allura giggled, looking at you through the corner of her eye as if to make sure your laughter was real, as if making sure that the topic of your mothers death had been aired out completely.

---

You walked home on your own only a few hours after that conversation with Allura. You held a packet of mini doughnuts and was eating away at them leisurely – you were happy. You felt as light as air at this moment, remembering the way you had thrown your head back and laughed along with Allura for hours on end. Allura always managed to bring that side out of you, even in the most detrimental of circumstances.

You turned once you reached the driveway of your home.

You stopped just as soon, because the door was obscured by a figure you had not been expecting.

Once again, that familiar feeling of wanting to bolt suddenly washed over you. You were positive it was some kind of fight or flight response, and you most definitely didn't want to start throwing punches at the man standing in front of you now. You just wanted to flee.

“What are you doing here?” you called out. You could almost hear your brain scolding you for not deciding to flee from your driveway almost immediately.

Lance turned around, shock evident on his features. He took one look at you, and a grin took it's place.

“Ah, there you are!” he exclaimed. “I was hoping I would catch you here.”

You frowned. “Well, I do live here.”

He nodded, turning to look at your door as if he had only just realised he was standing in front of it. “Right. Yeah. I know that.”

It went silent for a moment. Although it only lasted a few seconds, with Lance awkwardly nudging his foot against the tarmac and you standing there gawking at him, it felt like hours. Thought after thought whirled through your mind regarding why he could possibly be standing in front of you right now, but none of them made any sense. You had spoken to him once, and that conversation hardly gave him a pull factor to come back looking for more.

Finally, he looked up. He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. You noted that you had never before seen him look so out of place, so unsure as to what to do.

“Sorry if this is – uh – unexpected. I know I probably should have made plans before I just showed up at your door, but it was kind of a last minute decision to come here.”

You raised a brow. “Why did you come here?”

“I wanted to see you.”

You inhaled sharply, once again trying your hardest not to flush bright crimson at his words.

“Me?”

He nodded. “I just felt like we didn't get enough time to talk to each other yesterday, you know? I wanted to – I wanted to talk a little more, get to know you a little better.”

You swallowed the nerves and the excitement bombarding into your system at this moment – how were you meant to reply to him right now? What could you possibly say to those statements, statements that were so unfamiliar to you?

“Well, alright then,” you replied, before silently cursing yourself. Alright then?

Despite you believing your response was utterly ridiculous, Lance's face lit up in excitement nonetheless. “Really? That's great! Do you wanna – maybe – exchange numbers and we can make plans from there? I have work in an hour, so I won't have much time now, but I'm free on the weekend if you wanna meet up and do something?”

You nodded a little too fast, a little too eagerly, but at this point, you couldn't find it in you to particularly care. “That sounds great, yeah. I'd love that.” “Good.” Lance strode towards you, his confident aura placed back upon him. You shifted your bag of doughnuts, took your phone out of your pocket and handed it to him, watching him as he punched his number into your contacts before handing it back to you.

You put your number in his phone with shaky fingers.

“I'll call you, okay?” he said. “Make sure to pick up or else my feelings might get hurt.”

You nodded, butterflies attacking every nerve in your body. “We wouldn't want that.”

He chuckled. “We most definitely would not.”

---

Almost as soon as you and Lance had exchanged numbers, you had been patiently awaiting his call.

If anyone were to ask, you were eager for absolutely no reason. You were staring at your phone for absolutely no reason. You were checking your phone every two seconds for absolutely no reason, because nobody could know that a boy had gotten you this excited. Although you wondered if 'excited' really was the right word for it. You often struggled to find the line between nervous and excited, and right now, it seemed to be leaning more towards nerves than anything else.

Two days since Lance had put his number in your phone, and he still had yet to call you. This was a fact that Penelope had caught on to as she sat across from you that morning, eating away at the stale cereal you had managed to collect from the back of the cupboard for her. Her appetite had been lesser since your mothers death, and she didn't eat much more than half a bowl of cereal. You had offered to make her toast, even offered to whip up a full Ulster fry, but she had denied both and instead reached into the pantry for the cereal that had been there for months, half opened.

At least she was eating, you assured yourself as you waited for your pancakes to finish cooking.

“You know, I could always go down to the pool on my own and ask Lance what's taking him so long to text you back.”

Her voice startled you. You whirled around, very nearly knocking the pan off of the hob as you did so. “What?”

She took a mouthful of cereal, milk dribbling down her chin that she wiped away with the sleeve of her pink pyjama shirt. “Lance. It's him who you're expecting to call you, isn't it? I could go and see what he's up to if you like.”

“How do you know I'm waiting for Lance to call me?”

Penelope raised a brow in your direction, as if to ask you how you could be so stupid. “You and him were talking in the driveway, Y/N. Me and Daddy were both watching you from the window.”

Your eyes popped open. “Dad saw us?”

“Mhm. If it wasn't for me telling him that Lance is a good guy, he would have gone out there and beat him up.” She lowered her voice to an oddly adorable whisper. “He told me.”

You shook your head, turning back to the oven in any attempts to hide the blush arising on your face. It was one thing having Penelope peak upon your social life, but a completely different thing to have the same thing occur with your father. The man was protective – always had been. He hated the idea of you talking to boys, hated the idea of you growing up, fleeing the nest and going out to find somebody who could protect you – that was his job, in his eyes.

The protectiveness had only gotten gradually worse after your mother had passed. He went through a peak of depression, completely isolated himself from you for weeks on end, but then came the guilt. Not the guilt of losing his wife, of not being able to do anything for her, but the guilt of leaving his daughters behind to grieve on their own. That was the reason why he called you multiple times a day when he was at work, why he wouldn't let Penelope walk to the pool on her own, even though it was genuinely just across the street.

“He'll call soon,” Penelope continued, despite your obvious attempts to cut the conversation off completely. “I know he will. Lance never breaks a promise, and I think he likes you a little bit.”

“Thanks, Penelope,” you grumbled. “Means a lot.”

“I mean it,” she insisted. “Whenever he came back into the pool that day, he was asking me all about you. I told him that you still sleep with a blanket because you get nightmares, and-”

You groaned. “Of course you did. Of course you did.”

“Was I not supposed to?”

You closed your eyes, tracing your fingers through your hair in any attempt to release some of the stress forming in your body. Talking about the phone call was only making you more anxious for it.

“Just finish your cereal, Penelope, and then we'll get you to dance practise.”

Penelope was quiet after that. You stood over the oven, glancing down at your silent phone every two seconds. Gradually, your pancakes started to burn.

---

The phone call came at two in the afternoon that very same day.

Penelope had been sent off to dance practise and your dad was away to work, meaning the house was completely your own to roam and do as you pleased; most teenagers your age would use this to their advantage, perhaps invite a few friends over, or maybe even throw a little afternoon-mini-party.

You were stuck with your head in your hands, glaring down at your computer as if it had insulted your ancestors.

That stupid mouse was just blinking at you, and every glitch it made was another insult being thrown towards your creative abilities. Sure, you hadn't been up to par recently with your writing, and your motivation was barely existent, but this was just becoming a joke at this point. It had been weeks, and you hadn't written a single word. Not one. Your drafts were full to the brink with unfinished pieces, all of which you were growing to hate more and more as time went on.

You had been ready to write a few days ago at the pool. Your motivation was peaking over the horizon, and you were truly ready to just sit down by the pool side and crank out a few thousand words to make up for lost time, but then Lance had caught your eye and that entire plan had gone to shit in a matter of seconds.

Now, the exact same thing was happening.

You had been so ready to write with the house being empty, but your mind had steered away to the phone call you were expecting, and everything else dissolved. Every creative thought in your head disappeared, replaced by the sight of his broad grin and his bare chest and his wet hair, and-

Your ringtone went off. You flinched away from the desk so fast that the thing very nearly flipped over.

But you didn't let it, because in a matter of seconds, you were lurching forward and slamming your hands against your phone, looking down at the caller ID.

You smiled to yourself when you saw Lance's name flash upon your screen, him putting a small smiley-face emoji beside his name that you had failed to notice before.

You gathered your wits and clicked 'ACCEPT,' pulling the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Y/N! You answered!”

“I did. How are you?”

Lance chuckled at the casualness of your conversation starter, and you winced to yourself. “I'm good, I'm good. What about you?”

“Good,” you squeaked.

“I just got off work, actually,” he said. “I wasn't expecting to leave until six, but their closing the pool down for cleaning, so they let me go early. I was just thinking that I could come round your house, pick you up and we could go and have that little date we were talking about.”

Date? Date!

“Date.”

You said it so dryly, and you didn't even mean to say it at all.

“Well, if you wanna call it something else, I'm all up for suggestions,” he said. “But I'm calling it a date for now. It sounds nicer that way.” You shuddered, fingers clenching around the mobile a little tighter. “What do you say then, huh? Can I come round and pick you up, take you out for a coffee?”

“Coffee? Lance, it's the middle of summer.”

“Oh, just have a coffee with me!” he exclaimed, making you giggle. “Working at that damn villa means all I get to drink are tropical smoothies or alcohol. I want something warm for once.”

“Alright then. But I'll get a tea instead. Coffee makes me shake.”

“That's the whole point of a coffee, love.”

You flushed at the nickname, quickly reminded yourself that he probably called everyone that. It wasn't uncommon for the elderly people of your estate to call you 'love' and perhaps Lance had just taken a liking to the nickname.

“Alright then. I'll be ready in about ten minutes.”

“I'll be there in ten minutes, then,” Lance replied. “See you soon.”

“See you soon.”

He hung up, and you abruptly realised that perhaps ten minutes wasn't quite enough time to get ready for Lance McClain.

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huxblush · 6 years

Text

Huxblush’s (and various other people’s) Underrated Faves Kylux Rec List

It’s been a really long time since I made a rec list and this was meant to be a small list of underrated favourites but I got a lot of suggestions (part 2 soon levels of suggestions). Shout out to the anonymous suggestions and the suggestions I received from stardestroyervigilance, woehuxbub, honeypothux, sparrowlicious, haeym, ellstra, mademoisellebianx, and thissisatitle.

Please remember to heed all tags and warning and to leave some love for the authors.

Emperor’s Heir by @ellstra Rating: E. Wordcount: 88k.

Hux is, without doubt, the best General the First Order could have. But like other geniuses, he isn't appreciated during his life, and now he has to choose between two equally unappealing alternatives: undergoing some ghastly ritual to gain Force sensitivity, or death.

A Time To Heal by @glass-oceans Rating: E. Wordcount: 5k.

Following the destruction of Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren struggles to regain his footing and strength, aware of the watchful gazes of those who would see him fall. General Hux is one of those watching, but Hux would see Kylo rise.

Rebel Yell by @sarensen Rating: E. Wordcount: 6k.

Kylo Ren has seen evil, true evil, in his life. He's peered into the hearts of men and seen the darkness and depravity of monsters. He's walked in fields drenched in the blood of his enemies, slaughtered by his own hand. But nothing has shaken him so much, filled him with so much pure and abject horror, as this:

Karaoke night.

Freefall by InkStainedFingers Rating: T. Wordcount: 2k.

The night after the disaster at Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren pays a visit to the General's quarters.

no one else can heal your wounds by @mermaidtechie Rating: E. Wordcount: 2k.

An injured Kylo drags himself to Hux's quarters after being punished by Snoke. Hux takes care of him in the only way he knows how.

Old Magic by @squintlysays Rating: E. Wordcount: 32k.

For the first time in three hundred years, Hux felt the call.

The spell was crude, boorish; a plain tallow candle, words mumbled and mispronounced, none of the courtly gestures to which Hux had once been accustomed. He came anyway, if only to see who, in the Christian year 1803, would think to summon a fairy.

Inked by @ellabesmirched Rating: E. Wordcount: 7k.

When Hux's date picks an awful dive for their first meet up, Hux assumes they won't hit it off. Hux hates dive bars. And more than that, he's pretty sure he hates pretentious bartenders that try too hard to turn strange into an artform. Kylo Ren has too many tattoos, too many piercings, and is just the right side of cocky. Unfortunately for Hux's date, Kylo is also just the right side of intriguing.

MSE-6-H674L & BB-9E's Zany Adventures Into General Hux's Love Life by @stardestroyervigilance Rating: T. Wordcount: 10k.

By all accounts a droid whose sole purpose was to maintain the machinery of the Finalizer should not have been able to wiggle their way into an adventure as dangerous as trying to bring General Hux and Kylo Ren together. But life finds a way and MSE-6-H674L is a mouse droid on a mission. With the help of the familiar face of BB-9E will this well meaning droid be able to bring our two favourite co-commanders together?

Stars Hung With String by @armisticehux Rating: M. Wordcount: 41k.

Kylo stared across the packed room at the man who so effortlessly walked out of his life five years prior. They might have been stuck at the same wedding for a weekend, but that didn’t require interaction. He had no reason to feel anything but bitterness and resentment towards him.

And yet.

Returns by @darthastris Rating: E. Wordcount: 96k (WIP series)

No one had bothered him upon his solo return to the Finalizer. No one had arrested him on sight or come for him in the middle of the night as he’d expected. Counting the two days it had taken them to rendezvous with the Finalizer after the destruction of Starkiller Base, he'd been awake for almost 120 consecutive hours. He was used to long, restless nights, but he hadn’t been kept awake by this kind of anxiety-laden watchfulness since his academy days. Then again, Hux hadn’t slept alone for some years now, and sharing a bed with the galaxy’s second-most wanted man had its benefits.

Crush by @deluxekyluxtrashcan Rating: T. Wordcount: 8k.

It's been years since Kylo last came home, and knowing he won't be able to take the plunge and actually stay with his parents, he agrees to let Han book him a room at a local hotel. The only problem? Han messes up and Kylo has nowhere to stay - that is until his high school crush Hux, who he hasn't seen in years, offers to let him share his room.

Kylo has to navigate the feelings he finds he still has for Hux, the fragile new relationship with his parents, and the realisation that he isn't the only one with a difficult relationship with his parents

(Wasn’t) Made For These Times by @celloing Rating: E. Wordcount: 22k.

Hux meets Kylo Ren in the summer of 1970, tall and dangerous looking despite the denim he wears and the hippies he hangs around with, and Hux finds he can't stay away no matter how hard he tries. (Hippie Alternate Universe)

Memory of Snow by @permian-tropos Rating: G. Wordcount: 4k.

Three years after the defeat of the Order, Kylo Ren finds that his secluded cabin has an improbable intruder.

Too Late to Beg You by @saltandbyrne Rating: E. Wordcount: 20k.

Hux is determined to beat his competition for a promotion at First Order Financial, even if it means hiring a shady sex wizard named Kylo. Some investments are better than others.

Out Of The Darkness, Light by @creepycreepyspacewizard Rating: E. Wordcount: 20k.

1976- A brilliant would-be engineering student is forced to take up coal mining after the death of his father. 1979- The privileged son of a Tory politician runs away to join the Army. Life is not kind to either of them, or to Britain as a whole, when in 1984 the National Coal Board announce 20 colliery closures and 142,000 miners go on strike. In the middle of it all "General" Brendol Hux Jr meets Ben "Kylo" Ren...

sunburn by @honeypothux Rating: T. Wordcount: 4k.

“You’ve been crying,” Kylo says. The again is unnecessary. They both know its true.

Dust, Like Gold by @sugardaddyhux Rating: E. Wordcount: 15k (WIP)

Kylo Ren's mission was simple: Dispatch the target and get off this rat's nest of a planet as fast as physically possible. That is, until he found himself staring at Star Killer, a high society escort with a chip on his shoulder and a strange fascination for the black clad man at the bar.

Raindrops (HS AU series) by @sparrowlicious Rating: T. Wordcount: 2k

Hux has the habit of making Kylo's home his safe haven from his abusive father. But he doesn't always come in through the door. Kylo knows how to deal with that.

A Reckless Act of Domination and Intimacy by callthecops Rating: E. Wordcount: 17k (WIP)

After the death of Snoke and the Battle of Crait, long-time rivals Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and General Armitage Hux must cooperate or everything they value will self-destruct. Hux knows he is the First Order's last line of defense against a raging, uncontrolled monster, and he knows how little he can do to influence him... until Ren's pragmatic attempt to "learn more about him" presents Hux with what he believes is his only chance, unethical though it may be, to save his cause.

Surely, no long-term or far-reaching consequences will emerge from this.

The Secret Heart by @slutstiels Rating: E. Wordcount: 46k.

Hux is an up-and-coming actor when Poe comes to him with the script that will make his career. The only problem: his counterpart, Kylo Ren. He's reckless, volatile, never gets his lines right, and Hux hates him from the start. It's mutual. But when they're on screen together - it's magic.

Koi No Yokan by @petalouda85 Rating: G. Wordcount: 36k. (WIP)

When he was born, he was cursed. Doomed to die at 18 unless he joined the Dark Side. Snoke is confident but there remains one threat, it coming in the form of a prediction made by one of the Jedi Masters: Ben would meet his true love on his tenth birthday and this elusive individual would be the only one that could awaken Ben from his eternal sleep.

Ergodicity by @ballvvasher Rating: E. Wordcount: 45k

Ergodicity: the probability that any state will recur, while having zero probability that any state will never recur.

Anakin Skywalker died honored and venerated as a hero of the Galactic Republic after he and Jedi Master Mace Windu executed Chancellor Palpatine—the heinous, clandestine Sith Lord. In the aftermath, Padmé lived on husbandless on Naboo and dedicated her life to preserving democracy and raising their children. Obi-Wan lived on to mentor Luke in the ways of the Force and the Jedi, but never truly parted with Anakin, his slain Padawan and oldest friend.

Our story finds Ben Solo burdened by the legacy of a grandfather who he never met, the bitterness toward an absent father, and the building resentment of a senator mother preoccupied with rising tensions in the Senate. Ben confides in a boy a few years his senior, young Armitage Hux, whose relationship with his father is so harrowing that he often wishes he were dead. The universe perpetually pushes the boys together when they need it the most. Is love enough to save Hux from his life of torture, enough to pull Ben from falling farther than Anakin ever had?

skin of my yellow country teeth by storytellingape Rating: E. Wordcount: 6k.

HIGH SCHOOL AU. Stensland is the weird foreign exchange student, until his exchange program ends and he has to go back home to Ireland. Months later, his boyfriend Clyde pays him a visit. (Clyde/Stensland)

Supportive Parenting and a Stable Home Life by 5ofSpades Rating: Unrated. Wordcount: 7k.

Hux is certain that as soon as he returns Kylo to Snoke, he will be executed on the spot for the loss of Starkiller. Being that he is not below anything to ensure his survival and his command, he finally finds an advantage to his nature and forcibly bonds with the alpha. Now Snoke will be forced to spare the general or risk crippling his already mentally unstable apprentice

I Don’t Want Love Series by @saltandrockets Rating: M. Wordcount: 132k.

Captured by the Resistance, Hux lies about being pregnant to avoid immediate execution. There's only one problem: It turns out not to be a lie.

Odds of Survival by @marzarelo Rating: E. Wordcount: 44k (WIP)

Kylo is a 5th-year college senior. He works two part-time jobs and goes to school full-time, but this schedule is obviously more than he can handle and he's on the verge of dropping out. He's chronically sleep-deprived, angry, and worried he'll fail and have to crawl back to his parents to ask for help after he cut ties with them several years ago.

Hux is a graduate student, working on a double Master's degree and drowning in anxiety and student loan debt.

Then, one day while they're at work, all hell breaks loose when the streets are suddenly flooded with the undead. Now they're stuck with each other, trying to survive together, despite the fact that they have hated one another since the day they met.

The Hitchhiker by Cylin Rating: E. Wordcount: 16k.

Hitchhiking can be dangerous. Picking up this hitchhiker is even more so.

growing in the landscape, darling, in between you and me by impossibleamypond Rating: T. Wordcount: 12k.

He pauses in the doorway, debating his options. He could turn around and pretend like his subconscious hasn’t brought him here or he could press his palm to the control panel, step into the ward, and admit that there’s a slight chance that he might give a damn about Kylo Ren.

His stomach turns at the thought, the bitter taste of acid creeping up his throat.

In total and completely sincere honesty, he would rather set himself on fire.

[Or General Hux has a big old crush on Kylo Ren and neither one of them is handling it very well.]

Stay by Goober Rating: E. Wordcount: 3k.

He expects to see Kylo in meditation, or talking to the charred remains of an old Sith Lord’s helmet. Expects to find his room torn to shreds and unrecognizable as a living space. Expects a lot of things that spell nothing but paperwork and an easy answer to this unusual behavior.

What he finds, upon using his override code to open the door, is worrying.

(I got a lot of suggestions so a Part 2 is likely...)

#kylux #kylux fic rec #kylo ren #armitage hux #i tagged authors where i know who they are already or they had their tumblr on their ao3 #if i didn't know it i've just linked to their ao3 page #some of the longer one's i'm still busy reading but love so far + they were suggested by people who i trust the judgement of

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sterekexchange · 6 years

Photo

Masterlist of Sterek Exchange 2017 Fics

AO3 collection

Thank you for every author, pinch hitter, beta and cheerleader for working so hard to make this exchange so much fun and such a huge success!

Please, show some love to the authors in forms of kudos and comments on their fics!

#librarynerd by yodasyoyo | 7k | T

“I’ll likely get far more done in the group if I’m not distracted watching you with your pen–”

“My–My pen?”

“Pens. Drinking straws. Don’t act like you don’t know,” Derek says darkly. “You know.”

____________

In which Stiles follows Scott into his Spanish study group, takes one look at the hot nerd who runs it and then decides to stay… even though he doesn’t actually speak Spanish.

(Don't) Work Your Magic by Saori | 6k | T

Stiles is the Hale pack’s emissary in training. He’s good at what he does, and ninety-nine percent of the time he knows what he’s doing. He does. Too bad that one percent is when he permanently links his soul to Derek’s.

Or, not quite a soulmate AU, but it kind of is, which is totally Stiles’ fault.

A Family Portrait In Soft Lightning by Fearful_Little_Thing | 4k | G

Everything was so much easier when the kids were small. When the kids were small their problems had been small too. Easily fixed by hugs or hot chocolates, with kisses to boo-boos and ten minute time outs when they misbehaved.

Now things aren't so simple and the problems aren't so small.

Derek and Stiles love their kids. It's just that raising two delinquent teenagers is a lot harder than it looked.

Adderall and All by IronRoseWriter | 4k | T

From the prompt: Derek can smell amphetemines on Stiles thanks to his Adderall, but because no one ever thought to sit him down and say “Hey so Stiles has pretty severe ADHD” he just thinks Stiles does drugs. Cue a super judgemental misunderstanding.

For Sterek Exchange 2017

And After All by red_crate | 5k | T

The world fucking ended while Stiles was clear across the country from his dad. He trekked that distance on his own, surviving the elements, fighting monsters and scavengers. Stiles rescued a goddamn werewolf who ended up saving him in return.

Blue Eyes by KFlynn | 4k | T

It had all begun with Stiles slowly driving his Jeep along the road, in the direction of his home…..

or the story where Stiles finds a wolf Derek, takes him back home and cuddles with him, only to wake up with naked human Derek the next morning; then they have breakfast and an important talk where they both realise that they’re in love with each other.

Can’t Start a Fire Without a Spark by Nerdy_fangirl_57 | 9k | T

After the whole ordeal with the nogitsune Stiles struggles with proving to himself that he can be good again. He starts learning to control his spark in hopes that he could be helpful to the pack once he manages to channel it’s power. Everyone thinks it’s a great idea and are willing to help him anyway they can, but Scott, Scott doesn’t see the point in it.

It’s not like Stiles’ tiny spark could ever be powerful enough to be an actual asset to the pack.

Stiles just wants a chance to prove himself.

Charm Misdirect by froggydarren | 4k | T

There are only so many times that Derek will go along with Peter’s plans. He swears there is a last one, and it’s pretty likely that this is it. Really, it should have been the time when he almost got arrested, or some of the times before. So when Peter asks Derek to be his wingman in Jungle, Derek says no. And thinks that that’s the end of it.

He’s wrong.

Collision Course by grimmypuff | 5k | T

Roller Derby and Stiles Stilinski: a pairing that should not exist in nature. Add Derek Hale and somehow it works.

Come To My… by Gonardo | 8k | M

It starts out with Derek meeting a new group of people. One standing out: Stiles Stilinski. So he may seen a little strange at first, but that’s alright.

Then they are put together for a project. Derek catches feelings. Cue the pining.

While Stiles looked at other guys objectively, he pretty much thought he was straight. Boy he was wrong. Maybe he’s just dereksexual.

Can they figure out their feelings in time.

Defenses by inatshej | 10k | T

“Do you know the Molotov Cocktail café near the station? I think their pastries are the best. We could go there this weekend.”

Oh wait.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck. He’s proposed a date.

“Sure,” Stiles agrees easily with a shrug.

Immediate friendzoning.

But did he really get friendzoned just now? Can he get friendzoned when they aren’t even friends?

Does that make them friends? It would be nice, actually-

god, he just feels so lonely at times.

Derek Hale’s Undercover Summer: How to Attract Your FBI-Partner in These 10 Short Steps (While Also Killing Bad Guys) by the_problem_with_stardust | 4k | T

Written for jennysparkles’ awesome prompt: Derek wasn’t sure why, but if his time busting the biggest smuggling- and drug-ring in Northern California had the chance to become a book or a movie, it would be named ‘Derek Hale’s Undercover Summer: How to Attract Your FBI-Partner in These 10 Short Steps (While Also Killing Bad Guys)’. It was ridiculous, how killing people bare-handed turned into a romantic comedy whenever he looked into Stiles’ eyes.

events may be different than they appear by icarusinflight | 4k | T

The first time Stiles sees the couple, the hot dude is giving the gorgeous girl a ride on his back through the main walkway of campus. It’s pretty dumb

it doesn’t stop him from feeling jealous of them

Feelings He Didn’t Know He Had by StaciNadia | 5k | T

Derek is absolutely not in love with Stiles.

Finding warmth in your arms (I’m not even cold) by Saori | 10k | T

When Stiles and his father move to Beacon Hills, they have to get familiar with new rules. Being a werefox, Stiles sticks out as a thumb in the small town, but thanks for his luck, he’s not the only one. He doesn’t expect that Kira and him will get close to the pack of ‘wolves whose territory they live in, so when they both fall in love with one, it takes him by surprise.

Or, Stiles and Kira are both werefoxes, recently moved into Beacon Hills. They quickly steal their way into the heart of the local werewolf pack.

For If Dreams Die by veritas_st | 23k | M

“I had a dream about a boy last night,” Mischief says through a mouthful of pancakes. His dad points the spatula at him and he swallows before he says anything else. “His name was Derek. He called me Stiles. I want to be called that from now on.”

Forever Young by thegirlnamedcove | 12k | T

“What do you want Laura?” he groaned, “Why am I up?”

“Because you’re going to pack a bag with whatever’s clean and come with me back to California,” she fished a folded page out of her back pocket and handed it over, “Someone is on our territory with a vendetta in mind.”

He accepted the paper and opened it up, smoothing it against the side of the mattress. It was a picture, printed out from an email, of a deer with a spiral carved in its side.

Fuel a Fantasy by Delightful_I_Am | 19k | T

Let it never be said that Stiles wasn’t able to keep his cool when faced with awkward situations. It’d be right maybe, but it should never be said.

Stiles gasped and spun around, eyes finding Derek immediately. The poor guy looked a bit shell-shocked.

“Oh my god! Dude!” Stiles flailed his arms and lunged forward, tripping a bit and catching himself on Derek’s arms. “You have to fake date me!”

“What?”

Hold the Cheese by sheerpoetry | 3k | T

Derek wasn’t sure how he’d gotten himself into this particular situation. Sure, he’d gotten used to the pack in his space. But Stiles? He hadn’t gotten used to Stiles.

Prompt: Fluff. Adorable Derek, maybe some pining, Stiles being his flailing, sassy self. Lydia and Laura would totally be a power couple. Laura is an awesome big sister. Stiles as a potential Emissary.

I got the first half, at least? ;) Hope you enjoy it!

How Long Will I Love You? by vaguelyobscene | 6k | T

Stiles is finally marrying his boyfriend of 8 years and Lydia makes a surprisingly sweet offer on his wedding day, but she’s not the only one who seems determined to make him cry today.

I Call All The Bullshit by lodgelinski | 3k

An incident occurs at a rave where a group of people end up with superpowers (the same hand-waving bullshit that gives anyone superpowers).

They, of course, decide to use their powers for good–with the blessing of local law enforcement, which gains them a few enemies, mostly other people at that rave who also ended up with superpowers but have decided to be evil instead. Also, Derek is trying to control his powers since the last time he was the weakest link. However, his partner is Stiles, and it’s hard to control his powers (and emotions) when it comes to Stiles, especially when Stiles is in danger.

I don’t know why, but I guess it has something to do with you by LunaCanisLupus_22 | 18k | E

“You smell like me,” the guy says, scowling as he crowds in and Stiles staggers back between the coats and finally hits the wall. “Why do you smell like me?”

He barely lets out a garbled sound as the blood rushes to his cheeks. “No reason,” Stiles yelps, struggling to get his footing and grasping at a whirlwind of puffy fur.

Or the one where Stiles goes thrift shopping and steals an alpha’s shirt. And gets a lot more than he bargains for.

I’ll Be Your Thrill by red_crate | 5k | E

Stiles asks, “What are you waiting for?” He still hasn’t made a move to join Derek on the bed.

“I’m waiting for you, Daddy.” It takes everything in him to hold Stiles’ gaze.

There’s a hesitance in him every time they start this. Derek is older, an alpha werewolf. He can’t quite get over the spike of humiliation that occasionally works through him at the thought of wanting to give over his control. He closes his eyes for a moment.

Wanting Stiles to take charge and take care of him isn’t a shameful thing.

It helps that Stiles is never anything but enthusiastic.

I’m at one, and I’ve been quiet for too long by LunaCanisLupus_22 | 11k | E

“All in favour of Derek not dating for a full year so he can get his shit together and stop romancing people who want to kill us?”

Everyone raises their hands. Every single pack member.

Or the one where the pack insists Derek can’t date anybody for a full year but he ends up finding romance much closer to home anyway.

if only by petals | 47k | M

“I could totally stop talking to him,” Stiles interjects, feeling a sudden overwhelming urge to defend himself and brush the whole thing off as nothing. “I could. Easily. That’s the beauty of talking to someone online; you can just, like, talk to them for however long you want and then disappear for however long you want without any real impact on your daily life. It’s not like I’m going to run into him at the grocery store. I could stop at any moment.”

“But you don’t,” Lydia points out.

“No, he doesn’t,” Scott replies, forcing Stiles to scowl at him. “He just got a new one this morning and he hasn’t stopped talking about it.”

Or, the one where Stiles has been talking to some guy that he doesn’t know online, but that’s the least of his worries when a new pack moves into Beacon Hills, and Stiles suspects the alpha of bringing a coven of witches with him.

In Which Derek Has the Worst Luck, Maybe by maraudersourwolf | 7k | M

Derek has a crush. He’s doing all he can to hide his feelings. It’s pretty easy, since Stiles barely seems to know Derek exists. Hook ups, a school project that’s half their grade and teenage awkwardness puts his luck to the test.

In Your Eyes by Hi0ctane | 3k | T

Since the first day of moving in, Stiles had never really seen the neighbours do anything. His father (who had apparently met some of them early, before work, and exchanged some pleasantries) told him that it was four of them: two girls and two guys, all siblings of one family, but that was about it. Sometimes Stiles thought he saw one of them exit the house, usually early, even before he headed to school himself; he could only hear voices, then, drifting up to his bedroom window, loud and usually cheerful, sometimes rowdy.

“They’re lively,” his father said, with the indulgent smile of a man that raised a teenager himself on the back of macaroni and cheese and sometimes far too much hard liquor. Stiles preferred the term “They’re really annoying”, but sure, lively should work for them, too.

Or, five times Stiles got into trouble with his elusive neighbour D. Hale - and one time he really, really didn’t.

Knar by LupusScintilla | 17k | E

Derek had not had a clue that this was something that actually existed.

Five times Derek knotted Stiles, and one time, well. You can see what’s going to happen here, right?

Loyalty Is A Virtue by bellamyhale | 24k | T

Feeling the full wrath of Lydia Martin, Scott quickly changed his argument to one of defense, leading to one small comment about how Stiles hit Theo first, which only stirred a hurricane of harsh insults. Lydia’s face brightened, just a tone lighter than Scott’s own crimson cheeks.

“Stilinski, Raeken, and the rest of your little entourage! Principal’s office, now!” Coach shouted over the mayhem, as he pushed his way through the crowd. Taking one look at Stiles who was still attempting to catch his breath, Coach motioned his hand towards the teen, “oh, for the love of God, someone get Stilinski to the nurse!”

Or, the time Theo Raeken ruined Stiles’ life, which somehow ended with him being even closer with the Hale’s. Oh, and did he mention that he was apparently magic?

making waves by haleofStilesheart | 6k | E

Stiles is no stranger to pining, especially when it comes to Derek Hale. When his gorgeous crush graduates high school, Stiles figures he can move on from his pathetic crush. But things don’t work out that way. Not since Derek just so happens to be working at the same public pool where Stiles is volunteering as a lifeguard.

Once Upon a Dream by gryvon | 14k | T

Stiles has been dreaming of the Hale family burning alive since he was a child. After being locked in Eichen for a year, Stiles learns to keep his visions to himself. That doesn’t stop him from keeping an eye on Derek Hale while he waits for Kate Argent to make her move. Only watching Derek becomes loving Derek and stopping Derek and Kate from getting together turns into Stiles dating Derek Hale. He’s in love with Derek but his visions haven’t stopped, only now Derek dies with the rest of his family.

Only the Moon Howls by gremlins-came-and-got-me | 7k | T

Derek begs Cora to get him hired at the Supernatural Crisis Center where she works as a field agent. It was a better option than the coffee shop by his apartment. However, innocents are being killed by a supernatural creature and it’s up to the SCC to solve the case, but when they close in on the culprit, the team is attacked.

Operation Girl Scout Cookies by nogitsune_lichen | 19k | E

After a minute Derek looks back up, his lips puckering in thought, “so…we just…see each other in secret. Then in November after local elections we can see each other for real?”

“We are seeing each other for real! It’s just us who know about it for the first few months,” Stiles corrects.

“Okay.”

Stiles holds his breath, eyes widening, “okay as in okay let’s secretly date?”

“Yes,” Derek adds his tone a little less bitter as if he is just now warming up to the idea.

“Awsome! Holy shit, dude we’re mates,” Stiles beams.

Our Little Lives by CallieB | 18k

yodasyoyo prompted:

“There are loads and loads of ridiculous reasons for Derek and Stiles to be in a fake/pretend relationship. Maybe another pack is visiting, maybe one of them is trying to impress an ex, maybe they’re trying to win a bet, that’s three off the top of my head. I bet you can think of more. My point is, pick one and then tell the story from an outsiders POV. Because if there are two tropes I really love it’s Fake/Pretend Relationship and Outsider POV. Thing is, I hardly ever see them together. If you could include the Hale pack (Boyd, Erica and Isaac) that would be great. Also, I really love stilinski family feels, so if that could be in there too then fab. Also, I really do prefer Derek to be a werewolf, so there’s that. Other than that I leave it to you!”

Paint Me by SuperWhoAvengeTrekLock | 14k | M

When Stiles’ laptop breaks, he realizes that it’s not the only expense he has. He can’t pick up any more shifts at work and he’s desperate. Allison comes through with a last minute save for him with her connections to the art world.

Perfect for Each Other by CinnamonLily | 5k | G

Professor Peter Hale has a new TA, Stiles Stilinski. He’s the best TA Peter has ever had, and Peter wants to reward that somehow. Peter’s nephew Derek is a socially awkward mechanic whose type Stiles fits to a T. They’re obviously perfect for each other, now all Peter has to do is make them see it, too.

Somebody tell me why I’m on my own by phoenixflyinghigh | 5k

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold Who knows how to love you without being told Somebody tell me why I’m on my own If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Since he was a child Derek has dreamed of the morning where he’ll wake up and know who his soulmate is.

Since he was a child Stiles knew he would be alone forever and that the only person he could count on was himself.

Luckily Fate has a plan for everyone.

Something More by kaistrex | 19k | E

When Derek and Stiles stumbled into a friends with benefits relationship purely by accident, they weren’t expecting it would one day save their asses when a threat from Derek’s past comes knocking. All they need to do is pretend to really be in love to avoid an arranged marriage agreed to years ago with a pact of blood. Considering they hadn’t bothered setting up boundaries when the ‘benefits’ first started, it’s no surprise that the lines begin to blur and Derek’s eyes are eventually opened to a truth he hadn’t been ready to face.

Sovereign Next Door by KARIN848 | 9k | G

Stiles Stilinski defeats the corrupt Argent rulers and inherits their kingdom and the title of King. With his close group of advisors, he must find a way to fit into this new role. The first step - attending a celebration thrown in his honor by the neighboring royals, the Hale pack.

Spring Training (Is Hard To Do) by tiedtogetherwithadagger | 12k | T

When Glow magazine outs MLB starting pitcher Derek Hale, his older sister gets him a bodyguard until the news blows over.

Stiles Stilinski is on a leave of absence from the military after his childhood friend dies in combat. When his best friend asks for a favor, he’s reluctant to accept the responsibility of another person’s life in his hands anytime soon.

But when these two people meet, they’re surprised when unexpected sparks begin to fly. And maybe… they can learn how to cope together.

Strains of the Heart by clotpolesonly | 21k | G

Stiles has always worked with Scott for end-of-year projects. Only this year, Scott wants to work with his new girlfriend Allison, leaving Stiles without a partner. The only person not already partnered up is Derek Hale, first chair violin who has played for his sister Laura and only his sister Laura since joining the academy.

If he was just an asshole, Stiles could handle that. But Stiles has a vision for this project, one he’s spent his whole life cultivating, and Derek? Derek just doesn’t get it, and that Stiles cannot handle.

Strong Essences are Held in Small Bottles by addict_writer | 8k | E

Stiles has been training to become the best emissary, but nothing could have prepared him for meeting Derek Hale. The young Hale Alpha is lucky Stiles has the power to save him from the sticky situation he got himself in.

take a break by anticupid16 | 6k | T

Stiles, needing a break from his dad’s lack of trust, decides to take shelter somewhere he can chill without being asked a lot of questions. Derek’s loft just so happens to be such a place.

Thanks, Barbie by 138andcounting | 3k

“This one is kind of inspired by a Tumblr post I now can’t find, but basically Derek is at the movies and there’s this kid that won’t. Shut. Up. He babbles, he talks about the movie, he talks about any old shit, and Derek is getting increasingly pissed off. There aren’t many other people in the cinema, but the ones that are there keep shushing him so Derek doesn’t have to.

Twist is, the movie sucks. So Derek finds himself actually listening to the kid’s continuous babble. And it’s kind of… intriguing? This ‘Stiles’, or whatever he calls himself, is clearly ten different kinds of crazy, but Derek can’t help but want to find out more about him. Like, when Stiles is talking about something random, Derek is imagining the questions he would ask if he could. And does a mental high five when Stiles answers them anyway. And kind of. Gets annoyed. When the other people in the cinema shush him so he can’t finish his sentences. God, what is HAPPENING to him?

Up to you how it ends, but a happy ending would be nice! I also thought about maybe Stiles being off his ADHD medication, which is why he’s talking so much, but again, up to you.” -CallieB

The Best Men by grimmypuff | 13k | T

Planning a wedding? Not really something Stiles ever wanted to do, thanks. But when best bro duty calls, you answer. Luckily, another best bro has been called up, as well. Enter Derek Hale.

The Best Opportunity Yet by Starshaker | 6k | G

Stiles is at a loose end. His thoughts are beginning to send him on a downward spiral and in the early hours of the morning he finds his way to Derek’s apartment seeking advice and comfort. Derek offers him a new learning curve to distract him and in a very short space of time the pair settle into a closer relationship.

The Dogs of War by moretomhardy | 22k | M

Derek is a warrior prince of a nation in conflict. Stiles is a newly minted spymaster sent from the capital to help turn the tide of the war. Somewhere along the way, they start to mean a lot more to each other than just their titles.

The Farthest Star by Anefi | 9k | T

When an emissary is ready to find their place in the world, they get a Call. If Stiles answers it, he’ll have to leave behind the only life he’s ever known. And Derek.

The Hardest Thing In This World by yodasyoyo | 4k | T

Stiles is not a wolf, but he has the heart of one.

–

After the Hale fire, Derek and Laura go to stay with the Stilinskis, and end up finding more there then they could ever have hoped for

The Sea Wolf by TheyDraggedMeInNowIAintLeaving | 7k | M

[…] but this voice you must give to me The Little Mermaid

Skinny arms wrapped around him, a head resting on his shoulder and long fingers idly scratching behind his ears. It’s easy to forget that this is but a dream.

The Spark by MysticMerc | 11k | G

When two witches arrive in Beacon Hills in search of the Spark, it seems Derek is the only one who knows what they’re talking about. Can Scott’s pack save Beacon Hills from the witches or will they capture the Spark?

The Switch by honeymoonmuke | 13k | T

After a fae gift wreaks havoc on Beacon Hills, Derek is left to pick up the pieces. He doesn’t know what’s harder to deal with - the fact that he’s been made human or that Stiles has been turned into an extremely doting gladiator.

Thieves Like Us by Hi0ctane | 5k | T

Stiles chuckled as his father waved him off from the distance, slipping into the driver’s seat of the car. He waited until the Sheriff started the car, headlights biting through the dark, growing smaller and paler by the second until they were gone entirely. The teenager closed the door behind himself and let the amused expression slide off his face, making room for one of devious glee.

Time to call in the team.

(Or: The master art thieves AU I didn’t know I wanted, until now)

Things I Never Told You by gremlins-came-and-got-me | 7k | T

“I never want to see you again!” – Stiles and Derek have a fight. There’s no way to fix it this time. – Read the tags.

Those Red Lights Keep Bringing Me Around by gryvon | 10k | E

Stiles moves back to Beacon Hills after his father retires, hoping for somewhere quiet where they can both relax. His first day as a paramedic for Beacon Hills Memorial Hospital lands him in the midst of a werewolf-hunter war that he knows nothing about. Oh, and his childhood friend, Derek Hale, wants nothing to do with him. That jerk!

Waiting There For You by BulletBlaze | 4k | M

“Just give me another week, I’m sure I’ll make a breakthrough-”

“Stiles, this is not up for discussion. Either take the partner, or you’re off the case. It’s your decision.”

We Can Work from Home by samanthahirr | 5k | T

A rom com AU in which Derek and Stiles are neighbors with a misunderstanding:

Derek’s new neighbor is distractingly hot. He goes by “Mr. Magic Fingers” on his business cards. And he has a steady stream of customers moaning and screaming in his apartment every day.

Derek doesn’t care that his neighbor is a sex worker; he just wants to get his own work done.

when the moonlight hits your eyes by the_problem_with_stardust | 8k | M

“Do you have any holiday plans?” The question is out of Derek’s mouth before he’s even all the way through the door.

Stiles looks up from one of the ancient books he has spread across the floor. He sticks a post-it underneath the sentence he was on and rolls onto his back. “Nope. My dad is going somewhere and he won’t give me any hints.” Craning his head back so he’s looking at Derek upside down, he frowns. “It’s weird because I usually can annoy all kinds of information out of him. I must be getting rusty.”

Would it Have Been Worth While by Cantabo | 11k | E

There’s a smile on her face, but Stiles knows the real reason she’s asking the question, because she’s a crazy jealous person who literally started crying when she found out he was (briefly) dating some guy named Lucas during his sophomore year.

And then Stiles has an idea. A brilliant, terrible, wonderfully self-destructive idea. Because despite his bravado, most of Stiles’ ideas are terrible.

“This is Derek,” Stiles says, looking at Derek with big, pleading eyes. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Or, Stiles and Derek are fake(ish) boyfriends in the name of warding off unwelcome stalkers. Also, they’re kind of in love with each other.

Would you take one for the team, and go out with me? by fairyfey | 4k | G

Written for this prompt: Maybe something with a kiss cam or Derek winning a contest to meet his favorite baseball player and sparks fly.

You Better Run Like the Devil by exhibit | 8k | E

The Hale pack was slaughtered but the alpha and emissary escaped alive though it doesn’t matter much, they died along with their pack that night. Killing the hunters won’t bring them back, no, but it sure would feel fucking good.

You’re the Spark (that sets my soul on fire) by TheyDraggedMeInNowIAintLeaving | 7k | E

There’s a wolf in your bed "careful, it might bite" Your smile is wide as you answer "He’d better"

Your Love is Like an Ax to the Face (or, Plundering Hearts: Viking Edition) by Toxin | 16k | E

Prompt: College AU in which Derek is the junior TA of a freshman history seminar, and Stiles is a competitive shithead freshman who likes to argue just to argue. One day, after tracking Derek to a coffee shop on campus to argue about his grade, Stiles realizes that Derek’s actually a swell dude and they bond over common interests.

In which Lydia is a ruthless walking fortune cookie, Scott is exposed to the relationship-curing potential of ménages-à-trois, and more importantly, Stiles is convinced he’s pissed off the wrong deity in Valhalla because the closest thing he gets to action is the weekly ‒and deadly‒ debates he has with his grumpy TA from History 201: Introduction to Vikings. All of this to Erica’s enjoyment.

Urgh, college.

#sterek exchange fanfiction #sterek exchange #sterek exchange 2017 #masterpost

968 notes · View notes

eloarei · 6 years

Text

WIP Game

List the things you’re excited to work on this year in as little or as much detail as you like, and then tag some friends!

Tagged by @enchantedtalisman (and again it won’t tag you. Tch. Sorry. But thanks for the tag!)

(Behind a cut, because you don’t want to read all that. ...Or maybe you do?)

In no particular order, because my level of excitement changes at the drop of a hat: 6 BNHA fics, and one each FFXV and FO4. 1700 words of synopses and babbling. (Friends who read my stuff: if you wanna skim through these and tell me which one(s) (if any) you’d most want to read, that’d be rad. =D Will it influence what I work on? Who knows? My inspiration is fickle as shit. But it couldn’t hurt.)

1. “Touch2” -- current WIP, 10k + notes. BNHA. Dekumight. Estimated total: 20k? Picking up right where “Touch” left off, this fic is a slightly more detailed/slow/slice-of-life story than its predecessor. The 10k I’ve written so far takes place over the course of only 2 days, and it’s mostly Toshi and Izuku getting to know each other, and Toshi being yelled at by his manager (an OC called Suzuki). The general plot of the story doesn’t deviate very far from canon, as far as I’ve planned. “Touch2” will probably cover at least up to the entrance exam, but I’m not entirely sure. Given that leisurely pace, there’ll probably have to be a Touch3 and 4 as well, if not even more. I’ve been slowly hacking away at this one since the start of December, just in between whatever else I might be working on. Kind of got to a point where I need to actually think about what happens next? ^^; Also, it’s gotten too long to be a one-shot, I think, but I’m going to have to be careful how I split it up. It’s not written for splitting… Well, I’ll figure it out. Just gotta keep writing first.

2. “Make the Most sequel, and side stories” -- only notes. BNHA. Dekumight. Estimated total: lots??? I’m lumping these all together, but this includes quite a few stories, some of which I have plans/notes for, some only ideas. One of the first is a fic that might be, at most, half the length of MtM, which is the events of MtM from Toshi’s POV. This was actually requested by a friend, but it was something I kind of already wanted to do, which is cool. Other side stories include perspectives from other characters, some things like dates and vacations, Izuku learning to use his powers, and some extra NSFW scenes, because why not? After all of those, I intend for there to be an ‘official sequel’, taking place towards the end of Izuku’s college run, which might function as more of an epilogue than a sequel, due to the potential lack of actual plot. Geez there is just so much potential for this series to go on in side-stories and extras and etc. I actually get a little mad at myself whenever I neglect to continue it, because it’s sort of my main, well, IP, I guess you’d say. It’s my kudos breadwinner. XD I should just do it!

3. “Loveless epilogue” -- only notes. BNHA. Dekumight. Estimated total: 7k? A short...er sequel/epilogue, taking place roughly a year (I might change that) after the main story, revolving (spoiler alert) around Toshi figuring out if/when/how to propose to Izuku, and summing up how things have gone in the past year. Mushy because I love marriage, okay guys, I just love it so much, and also a little bit morbid because of an in-universe tradition that could be considered either romantic or creepy, depending on your views. =D I actually ought to write this one like… immediately, while the main fic is still fresh in my mind. It’s extremely self-indulgent, maybe more than just, y’know, my normal writing. But I think at least some of the people who read LOVELESS will like it. ^^ And I will, I think. And that’s all that really matters, right?! *shakes head ‘no’*

4. “Waste” -- current WIP, 1k + notes. BNHA. Dekumight(-ish?), and Deku+friends. Estimated total: 15k???? No. Probably more. A Fallout fusion. Vault 211 (21-1 or twenty-one one) has been carefully breeding superpowers into its population for the past 200 years, but if yours doesn’t show up by your 18th birthday, prepare to be kicked out on your ass into the unforgiving wasteland. Guess who’s the newest resident of the wastes? Lucky for Izuku, he meets a frightening creature who takes to looking out for him. ‘Human’ under some description, he’s sure, this guy has radiation levels through the roof. Burly super-mutant by day, gangly rotting ghoul by night, he doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends, but boy is he good at surviving in the hellscape that the world has become. I freaking love Fallout a whole lot, and look, Toshi/All Might is so very much a ghoul/super mutant, and vaults just give you so much free reign to give people powers and etc etc, look, it just seemed like something that would work. Not sure really how it’s going to go, but we’ll see. =]

5. “Nana/Toshi darkfic” -- only notes. BNHA. Nana/Toshi (probably NSFW) and Dekumight. Estimated total: 20k??? His mentor was beautiful, kind, strong-- perfect. He didn’t realize she was being eaten away by a dark pit in her heart. He didn’t know if leaving her alone would help it. He just wanted to be with her so badly, to please her, to make that smile real, and she lacked the fortitude to refuse him anything that would make him happy. A fic about Nana and Toshi becoming perhaps too close, and Nana struggling with depression. Following the canon timeline moderately closely, it shouldn’t be a surprise that it will include a major character death, and the fallout surrounding it. Hoo boy did the desire to write this fic just hit me like a ton of bricks a few weeks ago. This is going to be a dark, sad, uncomfortable story, most likely. And although it will end with Dekumight, the large part of the plot will still revolve around Nana/Toshi, so I’m not sure most of my normal readers will want to touch it. XD;;; I think the inspiration to write this came somewhat from the feeling that the ending to LOVELESS was not nearly as dark as it could have been, haha. Every so often I just want to challenge myself and see how many boundaries I can push. ^^;

6. “Feed” -- only notes. BNHA. Dekumight. Estimated total: 15k? In a world ruled by a vampiric shadow known as All for One, Izuku’s group has been trying to find ways to fight him. Nearly everyone is of this man’s blood now, since he started handing out powers to gain followers. But it’s said that an artifact of some sort exists still which can give the power to defeat him. Izuku, with the purest blood of his group, is chosen to seek it out. But the artifact is a vampire, the last of AfO’s first ‘children’, frozen and starving after failing to defeat his ‘father’, and Izuku almost doesn’t survive the encounter. I want to write this fic, and I think I should do it while it’s still cold and gloomy, because that’s the feel of the setting, but if I get distracted and don’t get around to it, I probably won’t be too upset.

7. “Parents AU” -- current WIP, 6k + notes. FFXV. Gladnis + Ignis&Noctis. Estimated total: 40k? Teenage Ignis and Gladio happen to be babysitting the toddler prince when the Empire attacks, and in the chaos they manage to get safely mixed into the crowd of civilians fleeing the city. They decide to treat him as their own until they can be sure it’s safe to return him to someone with more seniority. But will it ever be safe? Fifteen years in hiding says no, and even when Noct is old enough to be asked to save the world, there’s no way in hell his parents are going to let him go it alone. I tried to continue writing this the other day and it was terrible. Painful. I almost cried. Literally every word of the 30 or so I managed before I gave up were the hardest things I’ve ever written. I think if I go back and play the game again (which I’d like to, since there’ve been updates and DLC), I think it will be easier. Honestly though, this is one of my favorite things I’ve yet written, so if I don’t see it to fruition, I will be moderately pissed.

8. “Same Heart” -- current WIP, 30k + notes. FO4. Estimated total: 90k (35k for act 1) The great synth detective Nick Valentine is recaptured by the Institute, remade and reset. He awakes to his new life underground, unaware that he ever roamed the wasteland-- except for the rare moments when they plug in his old memories so they can grill him for info. Though the memories are gone again after every session, they leave an aftertaste of distrust for the people he’s working with, until it’s too much to ignore. Meanwhile, he finds himself as the only person who seems to truly care about the little boy they’re all calling their savior, doing his best to help him grow up with some modicum of love in this sterile environment. When Nick finally decides to break out of their fancy little prison, it’s not a question whether he’ll take Shaun with him, and it’s obvious where they’ll go: to find the parents the Institute stole him from. This one haunts me, because I spent like 3 months doing practically nothing but writing this last year. I got almost, almost all the way through the first act (out of 3), and then… stopped. Now I know it’s going to be impossible to get back into. And this is already a very different story for me, because it’s essentially a gen fic. The intention is for acts 2 and 3 to focus on Nick and the ‘sole survivor’ Nora, but the whole first act is about him half-raising her son, Shaun. I really want to finish this, or geez, at least the first act! Because it is painful having 30k sitting around that nobody has ever seen. And it’s pretty decent! But even though I have 6 chapters done, I don’t want to start posting it until it has a halfway decent ‘conclusion’, so I need to finish the act. I have to.

And I’ll tag… uh… @oldseablues, @braincoins, @thenightisdarkandfullofbooty, @orionskingdom, @animeuzumaki7, @blessedblooduniverse, @rangrids, and anyone else who’s reading this and is also a writer. =] Tag me back so I can see it, please! ^^

#elo talks #elo fics #tag meme

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paradisobound · 7 years

Text

Young and In Love

Summary: Written for the Phandom Big Bang 2017!

When the coffee shop in the basement of Dan’s university is suddenly closed one evening, he uses his phone to track the next closest one. But who was to know that his life would change entirely when he stepped inside? A story of love, heartbreak, and everything in-between, we follow Dan through the journey of growth and acceptance.

Word Count: 9,194 (this was supposed to be 5-7k, whoops)

Pairing: Punk!Dan Howell and Present!2017!Phil Lester

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, self-hatred, slight mentions of depression, and light-smut (it stops before the actual act of sex)

Authors Note: When I first signed up for the PBB, I had no idea what I was getting into. I did the smallest word count possible (and still went over, mind you lol) and put a lot of time and effort into this story. I went through so many emotions with this, most of the time them being how this wasn’t going to be good enough. But I had some amazing encouragement from so many people and that’s what pushed me through! I just really wanted to say that I thank everyone for making my first PBB one to remember! I definitely want to do this every year I’m in the Phandom from this point on! I also really want to thank my amazing beta Gabbie ( @tiredofbeingnice123 ), who stepped in when my first beta could no longer do the job. And for my artist @yolkoii who has done that beautifully done piece for this fic located at the top! I really just hope that at the end of the day, everyone enjoys this and has a great time reading it! Happy reading! :)

“You get ready, you get all dressed up / To go nowhere in particular / Back to work or the coffee shop / Doesn’t matter cause it’s enough / To be young and in love”- Young and In Love by Lana Del Rey

Dan found the little cafe on the corner of 1st and 2nd Main Street by complete chance. Most of the time, he would never go into a cafe; his persona just wouldn’t fit the pastel and hipster aesthetic that can sometimes go with such a place. But today, he didn’t have much of a choice. He had just finished his Uni lecture: a three hour long class talking about the importance of Shakespeare, and why his works are still timeless. He was already falling asleep, but he needed a caffeine boost if he wanted to get through the next class that would begin in an hour. He would usually go to his Uni’s cafe, but it was closed for the evening.

So really, the next best thing he could do was Google the next closest cafe, and walk over. It turned out to be only three blocks away.

When he approached the entrance, he felt a wave of anxiety wash over him at breaking his typical routine. He felt himself nervously twitch, and he tugged at the side of his beanie that was covering the tip of his ears, forcing it further down. It was chilly outside today; a typical February afternoon for London. When he awoke in his flat that morning, the sun had tricked him into thinking that the weather would be warmer, leaving him wearing a thin black hoodie that the air went through.

He put his hand on the door and pushed it open, grunting a bit at the heaviness of the glass paneled door. The minute his leather-studded boot touched the dark wooden floor, he could almost feel everyone’s eyes on him. He brushed it off, shaking his head slightly. He pushed the thoughts about people’s stares and silent judgment aside; the whole idea that this wasn’t his typical scene was making him slightly self-conscious.

As he walked further inside, he bit at his tongue ring in his mouth, and then bit his lip, and tugged at his lip ring. He let go of the ring just in time to see that he was stood in line behind a group of other people. Upon a quick look up, he noticed a member of the group was staring at him, but then quickly looked away.

He bowed his head, adjusting his backpack that weighed heavy against his shoulders. Maybe if he didn’t look up, he wouldn’t notice that some people were staring?

He wasn’t sure even sure how he got to the counter, as he felt like he was walking through thick fog. He set his backpack on the countertop and fumbled around in the messy bag for his wallet.

“While you’re looking for your wallet, can I start an order for you?”

Dan looked up and spoke before his eyes could focus.

“Black coffee, please.”

He went back down to pawing through his bag as he heard the random clicking and tapping that came with every cash register. After what felt like ages, he found the tattered black leather square at the bottom of his bag.

He quickly opened it and looked up just in time to be met with bright blue eyes. His breath hitched, and when he went to ask the price, his words got stuck in his throat. He coughed slightly.

Why did he have to be so awkward? Better yet, why was this guy so goddamn beautiful?

“That’ll be $1.99,” the worker said, putting his hand out to take his payment before Dan could even register what was happening.

Dan gave him a small smile and nodded. He dug through his run-down wallet and pulled out two crumpled dollar bills.

“You can wait over there for your drink,” The worker said, pointing to a small area where people were gathered around with straws and cardboard cup sleeves.

“Can I get a name?”

Dan nodded.

“Dan,” he spoke out, thankful that this time he remembered his own name.

The man nodded and smiled back, before asking for the next customer.

Dan shuffled down the line and waited for his coffee at the counter. But the whole time, he couldn’t take his eyes off from the man with blue eyes.

He mentally cursed himself for not looking at the man’s name tag.

Not too long after, his drink was handed to him, and he was grabbing his cream and sugar before heading off. However, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he needed to come back so he could see this man once more.

The following week went by in an almost blur for Dan. He got pulled aside in his Law class for not turning in a paper that was due three classes before. When he was questioned about it, he felt a pang of guilt for not trying harder; he just didn’t have the motivation anymore.

At the end of the week, he had a meeting with each of his professors. The decision to do this came after he got an email from his advisor saying that as of late, he was failing every class. He didn’t want to be known as the guy who flunked out of Uni, so he figured he would try and get some extra-credit to help bring his GPA up before midterms.

The first three professors seemed sympathetic and helpful. They offered him different lectures he could go to so he could earn extra-credit, and even to gain a better understanding of material. But it was the fourth professor that got on his nerves.

It was his English professor, and although Dan enjoyed English, it was clear that the professor did not enjoy Dan. The meeting ended abruptly, with his professor telling him to just focus on the class and he’ll end the semester with a solid B.

And then the fifth professor––his law professor––was the worst of them all. The professor did nothing but scream at him for not caring about the class and not doing his work. When Dan explained to him how he wasn’t even sure if Law was what he wanted to do, the professor suggested he drop out of the program.

This led to Dan making an appointment with his academic advisor for the next day. He figured that his advisor would help him figure out what he truly wanted to do, but the meeting turned awry fast.

The normally-kind older lady snapped at him, telling Dan to ‘knock off’ his ‘persona,’ because if he wants to be a lawyer, he can’t act the way he does now. When Dan tried to explain to her that he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to be a lawyer anymore, she told him that he needed to calm down and they’d schedule a meeting at another time.

Dan walked away from the meeting upset and angry. He was beginning to see university as a thorn in his side rather than something he’ll actually find useful in his life.

He doesn’t want to be a fucking lawyer anyway.

And frankly, he’s thinking about dropping out.

He actually doesn’t know why he hasn’t already.

In this time of pure existentialism, he’d headed down to the basement of his building to get an afternoon pick-me-up of coffee. When he got there and saw that the shop closed, he stopped and thought of where he could go.

And that’s when he remembered that coffee shop that he went to before. The one with the attractive worker.

He walked out of the building, listening to his music, and headed in the direction towards the cafe. He hasn’t been here since the last time –– quite honestly, he had forgotten about it momentarily. But now he was kind of…excited(?)…to go there. Maybe the attractive employee would be there again; though, it’s not like he’d have the courage to talk to him, other than to give his order anyway. The cafe’s sign came into view and he walked up to the door, pushing it open and smiling to himself until he looked up and noticed that the only working was a blonde female.

Dan snapped out of his thoughts only to realize that he was blocking the way to the counter. Still craving his coffee, he headed up to the counter where he subconsciously looked around for the worker from the day before.

“Um…,” he began without realizing it. “Just by total chance…I mean, not to sound creepy or anything…but is a guy with blue eyes working here today?”

He wanted to hit himself over the head. What was he thinking asking that? He couldn’t believe that those words had even came out of his mouth.

The girl, whose name tag read Louise, looked at him up at him and furrowde his brows. Her face was clearly showing slight shock at the question, “Oh, Phil?” She asked, and Dan just nodded, because maybe that is his name. “He’s working the night shift tonight. He’ll be working from 8 to 8 overnight.”

“Oh, okay.” Dan answered, trying to stay cool as he made a mental note to come back here tonight to work on his homework instead of stay in his flat.

“Any particular reason you’re asking?” She asked.

Dan stood back slightly and stuttered for a moment.

“He, uh…h-he makes me a special drink.” Louise cocked an eyebrow.

“Does he now?” She asked with a smile now forming. “That’s such a Phil thing, oh my. Well, can I get you anything that will make up for you not getting your special drink from Phil today?”

Dan smiled in his head, feeling a tiny bit giddy from just the way she spoke. But he kept his composure as he answered, “A black coffee is fine,” even though it came out as more of a mumble.

She looked at him and replied, “Such a tame drink. That’ll be $1.99 by the way.”

Dan went back to the cafe at around midnight. He was going to come earlier, but he found himself trying to pick out a nice outfit and freaking out, as if he was going on a date. He opted for a pair of Adidas track pants and a hoodie, so he at least looked like your average “college-student-who-needed-a-fix-of-coffee-in-order-to-stay-awake-to-write-a-paper.”

Truth be told, Dan probably wouldn’t have done the paper if it wasn’t for this. It’s a paper based on some subsection of law, and he’s supposed to interpret them.

Okay, so it was the paper that was due three classes ago; he really just didn’t want to do something that boring. However, he decided that he might as well do it if he wanted a reason to go to the cafe.

Dan didn’t even know why he felt a need to come back to the cafe just to see this ‘Phil’. Sure, he often thought about the way ‘Phil’ looked when he first saw him, but Dan had never gone to the work of going to see someone just because he thought they were cute.

He walked into the cafe and was a bit taken back at how eerily quiet it was in there. There wasn’t any music. No one else was there, and there isn’t even any sign of ‘Phil’ behind the counter.

He took a seat in the dimly-lit cafe in a booth and began to set up his work station for the night. He had everything ready when he hears a loud gasp, followed by what sounded like metal clanking onto the ground.

Dan jumped and turned around to see a worker bent down towards the floor. He was cursing under his breath as he picked up the metal objects that fell out of his hands. Feeling bad that he may have caused this, Dan got up and rushed over to the counter.

“I’m so sorry if I scared you.”

The male looked up and laughed, before throwing the dishes into the small sink on the side of the counter.

Dan smiled inside his head because the male looking back at him was definitely Phil.

“No,” he said shaking his head as he laughed, “it’s not you, I promise; I’m just not used to seeing anyone here at this time of night. Every time I work the night shift, I normally use the time to wash everything up and get it clean.”

Dan looked at him, almost guilty.

“I just need to finish a term paper, but I can leave if it—”

Phil shook his head.

“It’s all good; I actually think I’ll enjoy the company for once.”

Dan smiled at him.

“I might not be good company.” Phil stood up straighter and just shrugged.

“I don’t believe that.”

Phil then cleared his throat and pointed towards his abandoned seat.

“You better get working then. And I should too actually.”

Having forgotten about that stupid paper, he nodded sadly before giving Phil another brief smile and heading over to his spot.

The time flew by after that. Really, he didn’t even realize that it was close to 5 a.m. until he felt his eyes begin to close, and his body begin to sag and lean in the booth. He desperately needed something to help him out because he was threateningly close to falling asleep here, and that would be embarrassing.

As if right on cue, Dan heard the sound of squeaking and he woke up momentarily to see Phil sitting across from him.

“You look like you need a little bit of a push.”

He pushed Dan a mug of something and Dan opened his eyes wider to evaluate what it was.

“What—?”

“It’s a caramel macchiato,” Phil said with a smile, “my favorite.”

Dan stretched before reaching down and taking the mug in his hands. He brought it up to take a sip when Phil suddenly exclaimed, “Don’t drink it yet!”

Dan looked at him, confused. Phil sheepishly added, “I just made it and if you drink it now, you’ll burn your mouth.”

Dan set the mug back down and smiled,

“Thank you for giving me the warning.”

“I’m not going to let you injure yourself, Dan, just because you’re half asleep.”

“How did you know my name?”

“You told me the last time you were here and I took your order. I didn’t mean to sound creepy.”

Dan shook his head.

“No, no! Please don’t think that I thought of that way,” he said, “I’m just tired and my brain is fried. I have a class at ten, and I probably should go home and sleep. But if I do, I’m literally going to dream of these fucking laws and I’m so sick of it.”

“Oh…you’re in University?”

Dan nodded.

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?”

“I’m studying law and I hate it,” Dan quickly explained.

Phil pursed his lips.

“Oh, that makes sense. I completed my degree in English Language and Linguistics about two years ago.”

Dan’s ears perked up in that statement. His brains began to go through possibility after possibility of Phil’s words. He was still thinking when he caught Phil yawning across from him.

“I hate these long shifts,” Phil spoke, “They always get the best of me.”

“Make a coffee for yourself?” Dan suggested, pointing down to his own drink on the table.

Phil shook his head. “I’ve had enough coffee for the night.”

Dan went to speak again when the door to the shop opened and a middle aged gentlemen walked inside wearing a business suit. As Phil got up to serve him, Dan caught himself staring at the man and thinking to himself that that could be him one day. He could be that man wearing a suit and ordering a coffee at five in the morning.

And man, he wasn’t sure if he wanted that.

He was still thinking when he watched Phil waltz around behind the counter as he made the man his drink. He replayed Phil’s words about him having a degree already over in his head and he bit the inside of his cheek.

Maybe Phil could help him out? Sure, he didn’t quite know if he wanted to be a lawyer, but he could still pass all of his classes. And maybe by some luck, Phil had taken similar ones which meant that he could help him out.

Unfortunately, that was such a long shot and frankly, Dan didn’t know if Phil would even be up for that. He didn’t even know if Phil wanted to be around him. Dan’s appearance can be striking to most, but that doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person to be around — maybe Phil was just talking to him to be nice?

Okay, that was definitely what Phil was doing. But maybe he would be willing to help Dan out?

Dan was still in his thoughts when the middle aged man left and walked out the door, allowing for the heavy glass door to bang on the way out. He turned his attention back to his essay, and with a defeated sigh; he knew that his fifteen page paper was not going to happen when he was only on the seventh page now.

He was about to close his laptop down and pack up his things until he heard the squeaking of shoes come back over to him again. Phil plopped down on the other side of the booth and sighed, “I’m ready to go home and sleep.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, me too. I should probably go and get some rest before my class.”

“Did you finish your paper?”

“Yes,” he lied.

Phil smiled at him. “I had faith that you could do it.”

Dan caught himself smiling as he packed up his items into his backpack. He zipped up his bag and was ready to stand up when Phil spoke up.

“It was fun to…hang out with you,” he said hesitantly, “if you can call this hanging out? Anyway, I enjoyed talking with you! Believe it or not, you made great company; even if you didn’t talk much.”

Dan nodded, at a loss for words. He looked down and realized he still hadn’t drank the drink that Phil had made. He went to grab it when Phil beat him to it and picked up the cup.

“Let me put this in a to-go cup!”

Dan watched as Phil hurried to behind the counter and dumped his drink into a cup and put the cover on it. He wrote something on the side of the cup with a black marker, and Dan couldn’t help but be curious of what it was.

When Phil came back over with the drink, Dan took it in his hand and adjusted his backpack, his body feeling weak from exhaustion.

“Come again, please!” Phil chirped.

Dan nodded and replied, “I definitely will.”

He turned around and headed for the door when he remembered that Phil had written something on the side of the cup. Looking at it, he found himself smiling at the note.

Enjoyed talking 2 U. +447911123456

Dan knew it was a cell phone number when he looked at it, and really, he was more than that Phil gave it to him.

Too bad he lied to Phil about finishing the paper that he was never going to do.

Dan wasn’t even slightly shocked when he got an email from his academic advisor three days after he attempted to complete his overdue essay. It was an urgent email that read he needed to make an appointment her—in her own words—“ASAP DANIEL.”

So he emailed her back, and they decided they’d meet at 3:45 pm on that Wednesday afternoon.

He walked into her office, taking a seat in the cushioned chair before relaxing back and expecting the worst to come out of her mouth. And sure enough, it did.

“Dan,” she started with her hands folded against the desk she was leaning on, “I just got emails from your professors — and you’re failing four out of your five classes.”

Dan felt his heart race in his chest: how could he failing almost all of his closing? From what he remembered, he was borderline-passing — right?

“And,” she continued without a pause, “unless you turn yourself around completely, as of right now, you’re going to fail out of university.”

He stared straight ahead at her, momentarily forgetting how words work. He never thought it was ever come to this; that he would go from getting in unconditional, to uni, to now flunking out.

“What can I do?” he finally said.

“Maybe get a tutor to help you if you’re struggling that much?” She asked sympathetically, “Our university offers great tutoring programs that you can join to get the academic help that you need.”

As soon as Dan got the email for the tutoring office on campus, he began to question if this effort was even going to be worth it. He knew that he didn’t want to be a lawyer, yet he was continuing with the program anyway. And furthermore, he didn’t even know if this would make any difference in the end if he wasn’t sure this was his path anyway.

But then his phone vibrated in his pocket and pulled it out, looking at the screen. It was a photo that Phil sent him of a design of a cat that Phil had made with special technique within the coffee. The caption with it was, look at the new trick I just learned!

And that is when everything clicked inside Dan’s head and his fingers worked faster than his mind.

To Phil: you said you have a degree, right?

From Phil: Yep! One in English language.

To Phil: Do you think you could help me out?

Dan gnawed at his lip as he waited for Phil’s reply. He was unsure if Phil was willing to help him, and he was honestly scared that he was going to look like a lost cause in front of Phil when all he wants to do is impress him.

Dan looked at the screen long enough to see the bubble with three dots pop up, meaning that Phil was typing and Dan would get his answer soon.

From Phil: With what?

It was then that Dan realized that maybe it would be easier to just meet Phil at work and explain it to him there. He knew that he couldn’t disrupt Phil when he was working; but if he was texting, that meant he was on a break of some sort.

He picked up the pace as he walked down the sidewalk towards the all familiar cafe. The heavy glass door once again seemed to stop him. He used most of his muscles to push it open, before cursing himself for not being in shape.

He spotted Phil right away. The raven-haired boy was sat at a booth, with a donut half-eaten on the table. Dan took a deep breath as he prepared himself to ask Phil this simple question; one that was now beginning to seem as a terrible decision.

“Hey, Dan!”

And no turning back now.

Dan smiled at Phil and rose his hand to wave at him and replied, “Hey.”

Dan slid into the other side of the booth across from Phil, trying to not act any more awkward than he probably already was.

“What did you need me to help you with?” Phil asked in his normal bubbly voice.

“Oh,” Dan spoke, trying to play it off. “So, um, I’m not doing good in uni right now.”

“Oh no!”

“Yeah,” Dan added, “and so…I need some help. You see, I’m failing majority of my classes and I…gosh this is embarrassing. I was wondering if you are feeling up to it…um, if you could look over my class list and see if maybe we took any of the same classes an––”

“Dan,” Phil interrupted him his ramble, “of course I can tutor you! What classes do you need help with?”

Dan opened his backpack and fished out his class list. He placed it on the table. Phil looked it over, reading through the classes and the descriptions of each before tapping his fingers against the wood.

Dan could feel himself becoming anxious as he waited for Phil’s answer. When it finally came, the relief seeped through his veins.

“I took three out of these five classes so I can definitely help you out!”

Dan smiled brightly, feeling the color go back into his skin. “That’s so great to hear!”

“I’ll see if I can find my old files of notes for these classes,” Phil said with a cheery attitude, “When did you want to start?”

“As soon as possible!” Dan chimed in. “I need the help as soon as you’re available.”

“Well, how does tomorrow evening sound?” Phil asked. “I’ll text you after my shift ends today to discuss the details. But as of right now, I need to head back to work, as my break is over.”

Phil stood up and shoved his phone inside his jeans pocket before taking the remaining bites of his donut.

“Talk to you later, Dan!” he spoke with a mouth full of donut.“Glad to be of help.”

Dan blushed and smiled as Phil turned his back and waltzed.

“Glad you’re willing to help me.”

Stuffing everything back into his backpack, Dan quickly threw the bag onto his shoulders. Glancing one last time behind him towards Phil, who was currently turned around behind the counter and putting together some frozen drink, Dan found himself smiling. Maybe his life would turn around after all.

Standing in front of the building, Dan looked over the address that Phil had texted him for the millionth time. He’s been looking at it since his taxi dropped him off here almost a half hour ago. Dan was nervous person by nature, so standing here was tweaking his anxiety in ways he couldn’t explain. His hard exterior was crumbling under the weight of his own fear of humiliating himself in front of Phil.

After finally deciding that the address was correct, he embarked on the three foot journey to the door of the building. Grabbing the handle, he sighed when it was locked. Looking around the outside, he found a voice box and looked over the names on the list besides the bottom. Phil’s name came up as “Lester, P.M” and because he was the only name with a P somewhere, Dan knew it had to Phil’s. Pressing the bottom, he heard the static before a matted, “hello?” came through.

“It’s Dan.” Dan spoke with a slight tremble in his voice.

“Oh, yes! I’ll unlock the door for you!”

Hearing the click of the door, Dan let go of his finger on the bottom and gripped the handle instead. The door freed easily and he walked inside of the building. He remember Phil’s directions in the text he was sent. He was told to take the stairs to the second level and he’ll be the first apartment on the right side. So he did exactly that.

At the top of the stairs, Dan stood for a moment to catch his breath before knocking on the door that read “2” in a brass number. Not even one knock in, Phil opened the door and greeted him with a hot chocolate in his hand.

“Hello!” Phil exclaimed cheerily, “I hope you like hot chocolate because I made it fresh just for you!’

Dan flashed a nervous smile before taking the drink in his hand and walking inside. As he took his first few steps in, he couldn’t help but notice how clean everything was. From the floors to the areas around him; everything was spotless. A bookshelf glistened against the wall next to a window with clean white curtains. The walls were a dull white that made the entire room seem huge even though Dan wasn’t fooled by the size. The kitchen, from the corner of it that Dan could see, was completely pristine and Dan felt a little shamed being there. He felt too tainted to be in such a pure, nice place.

“Okay,” Phil said breaking the silence. “I found my old notebooks, and I’m hoping that my notes will help us; so let’s begin!”

Both of them sat down on the grey couch that donned the center of the room. Dan took a sip of the hot chocolate, which scorched his mouth before he sat it down on the coffee table –– but not after Phil had threw a coaster with a corgi under the cup.

Digging through his backpack, he pulled all of his notebooks out and spread them on the coffee table carefully. He really hoped that all of this worked for him. He’s come too far now.

Nearly two hours and two hot chocolates later, both Dan and Phil are laying on the couch. They were tired beyond comprehension, and their minds were completely fried from the crash course that Phil had been giving. Dan’s brain hurt; he couldn’t tell if it was a good hurt or not, and he was ready to sleep for hours now. He felt like he learned a lot from Phil, so he hoped it would show when he went into class the following day.

“I could go for a drink,” Phil said, pushing himself off from the couch before padding across the living room to the kitchen. Dan waited in anticipation for Phil to come back with whatever he was grabbing –– Dan secretly hoped it was something strong. Much to Dan’s dismay, Phil came back with a bottle of white wine.

“Do you like wine?” Dan nodded and watched Phil pour two glasses full of wine, before bringing the drinks over to Dan. Taking the glass, Dan took a long sip of it and sighed with the content and he was already feeling relaxed from just knowing he was drinking wine.

“I wish I would have pursued my degree better,” Phil stated without a warning. He was swishing the alcohol around in glass and watching it create a mini hurricane against the sides.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked.

“I got my degree and then never did anything with it,” Phil stated, “Here you are, going to be a lawyer and you’ve got such a promising career path. And what did I do? I went for English and walked away with a useless degree.”

“I’m sure it’s not all that useless…”

“It clearly is when I’m working as a barista in a mediocre job when I could be a promising author or even a journalist.”

Dan furrowed his brows, “I’m sorr––”

Phil put his hand up and stopped him. “No, don’t be sorry for me. I just work in a shitty job and have to deal with shitty people and I make minimum wage.”

“Phil…”

Phil drank down his entire glass of wine and he slammed the glass onto the table, luckily not breaking it, before getting up and walking back into his kitchen. A few moments later, he came out with a bottle of whiskey and said lowly, “I need something stronger.”

While Phil was pouring himself a new glass of liquor, Dan felt something inside of him break. Seeing how down Phil was about his own degree made Dan suddenly think, ‘why the hell was he wasting all this money on something he didn’t even want?’

He didn’t want to be a lawyer. Hell, for the longest time he told his parents he wasn’t even going to university. So why was he still going? Why was he still doing this? It didn’t make any sense to him anymore.

“I’m sorry for suddenly getting so snappy,” Phil said with a chuckle. “This just brought up some memories for me. But I promise you that my college experience was great!”

Dan smiled at Phil before shrugging and replying, “It’s fine. I get those thoughts a lot too.”

There was a silence between them before Phil picked up his phone and sucked in a breath.

“Oh gosh, it’s already after midnight. Do you want to travel back to your apartment or would you like to spend the night here? You can borrow my clothes; we look about the same size.”

Dan felt a blush creep over his pale cheeks as he looked down at the floor. He knew it was just a friendly gesture because it was late and terrible things can happen at night, but Dan couldn’t help but think of it otherwise.

However, Dan had to admit that he didn’t feel like getting a taxi this late at night and risk sharing it with a drunk who might throw up on him.

“I’ll stay here,” he said, and quickly added, “as long as I’m not intruding!”

“Oh, of course not! Let me get you some pajamas!”

Abandoning his spot on the couch, Dan watched as Phil ran to the room behind them and rushed inside. After hearing some rustling on the other side, Dan watched Phil come out with a pair of superman pajama bottoms and a white shirt. He couldn’t help but chuckle because they were nothing like his normal attire.

“This is all I have that you would be remotely interested in,” Phil said with a laugh, “You can change in the bathroom. I’m probably going to finish my drink and then head off to bed. I forgot I had to be to work at six — I’m gonna be exhausted at work tomorrow. I’ll be gone before you even wake up, so you can invite yourself out whenever you’re ready.”

Dan nodded and thanked Phil before heading into the bathroom and undressing, putting on his ‘new pajamas’ instead. When Dan came back out, the couch was pulled out to show a bed that was already made up by Phil. Smiling, he got down onto the bed and curled up, just as he heard the movement of Phil in the bedroom behind him.

Dan had a dream that night; one where he was able to see his future quite clearly. And he wasn’t a lawyer. In fact, his dream involved the idea that he didn’t even complete university but he was happier than he’s ever been.

Which was why when he left for university that morning, Dan walked into the dean’s office and told him he was dropping out of university. He felt a giant weight that was lifted from his shoulders, and he couldn’t even believe that he hadn’t done this before. This was truly what he needed all of this time.

He walked out with a letter in his hand that said the simple phrase:

“On behalf of all of us in the department of law, we wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

Crumpling the letter in his hands, he threw it in his backpack and walked out with his head held high. However, the realization soon hit him.

What was he going to do about Phil? He has just dropped out of university and Phil was tutoring him. Doesn’t that mean that Phil won’t have to tutor him anymore? Well of course it did, though it would also mean that he’d have to see Phil’s disappointment that he gave up. But Dan didn’t really give up — he just realized that what he wasn’t doing what he wanted to do.

But he couldn’t tell Phil this. No, he had to keep up the charade so Phil wouldn’t be upset.

Which was exactly why Dan went back to Phil’s apartment that night and continued to be tutored. And he did the same thing for the next couple of weeks. He gave no hints to Phil that anything different had happened. Soon, Dan began to develop stronger feelings for Phil.

On one particular night of their tutoring, they were both sat on Dan’s couch in his apartment. It wasn’t anything like Phil’s, but it was still something. Dan’s papers scattered in front of him, and Phil was reading through some of his old notes. But Dan couldn’t help to notice the beautiful stare of Phil’s eyes on the paper. They were perfect blue and white orbs that looked like the ocean. When he moved, his black hair cascaded down his forehead and he tucked it impatiently back into place. Dan also noticed that when he concentrated, Phil would purse his lips a little bit, which made Dan went so badly to kiss him.

But he knew that doing so would be out of line. He didn’t even know if Phil liked him back. He could ask Phil on a date, but that would take so much effort; and if Dan got rejected in the end, what was it all worth?

“Are you still with me, Dan?” Phil asked with a chuckle. Dan snapped out his trance and laughed nervously.

He replied, “Sorry, my brain is a little fried.”

Phil relaxed his shoulders and dropped the paper onto the table along with the others, “Yeah, I’m gonna have to say the same.”

Phil looked at the time; it was already 10:30 pm. He sighed.

“I have to go to work soon,” Phil said. “My shift starts at midnight. I’m working a half-shift to cover for Louise, since she has a little one and can’t afford to be gone the full night.”

“That’s nice of you,” Dan commented before he could even think of his words.

And see, that’s where the other problem lies: Dan wasn’t like Phil in any way. He had this tough persona that took years to build after constant attacks from his classmates in school. He had built up this character because he was sick of the shit he was getting put through.

But Phil wasn’t like that. He was a soft-hearted man with the capability to be nice to every person he saw.

They would simply never work.

For the rest of their time together, they went back over some of the notes before Dan left the apartment to allow for Phil to get ready for work. On the way out, he spotted a couple walking by; they both looked like they had their lives together; something Dan never learned how to do, considering the absence of a good parental figures in his life. He resorted to cheap clothing he bought on sale, and he felt as if he was irresponsible in almost every sense.

But noticing that couple made something inside of him change. For Dan, maybe this pesona didn’t work anymore. He wasn’t getting anywhere in life by being like this: being a punk. He wasn’t going to get a stable job or do anything he wanted to.

It was time for a change.

As soon as he stepped foot into his apartment, he walked into the bathroom and took out a few of his piercings; just to see how he looked. When he didn’t like what he saw, he stuffed the metal back into place and went to bed.

Dan woke up the next morning at a decent time: 9:45 am. He was already struggling to stay awake, wishing that he could just go back to bed. Checking his phone that was laid on the opposite side of his bed, he saw a text from Phil:

From Phil: They convinced me to work a double so come visit!

Deciding that was as good of an ‘excuse’ to visit Phil, Dan quickly climbed out of bed, got dressed, and then left his apartment, walking the direction of the cafe.

When he arrived, he noticed that it wasn’t busy for this time of morning. Slowly pushing the door open, he could hear Phil’s voice clear as day…and Louise’s as well.

“I can’t just ask him Louise, he probably doesn’t even like me that way.”

“Oh, come on, Lester, I’m sure he does,” Louise said. “Although I have to say that the punk persona is a little much.”

“Hey!” Phil exclaimed. “I like his persona. I think it’s cute because he such a nice guy.”

Dan blushed furiously at the conversation; one that he clearly wasn’t meant to hear. He turned around and walked out of the cafe, hoping he wasn’t noticed before sending a message to Phil.

To Phil: Something came up and I won’t be able to come to the cafe. Come over later tonight to make it up?

After a moment of time, Phil replied back.

From Phil: Sure!

Smiling brightly to himself, Dan headed back to his apartment where he ate some cereal and then ordered pizza for lunch as he waited for Phil to arrive.

“I’m so tired,” Phil stated, already morphing himself onto Dan’s couch.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said biting his lip. “You can leave if you get too tired.”

Phil shook his head and replied, “I’m fine, just complaining.”

Dan laughed, raising up his wine glass and taking a sip of it.

When Phil had arrived, Dan didn’t know what he should do. He had just heard earlier that Phil liked him, but he didn’t know how to approach the subject. Should he just ask Phil on a date, or would that be too forward? Does he tell Phil that he liked him? Now that he thought of it, that would be really forward too.

“You’re cute when you’re thinking,” Phil stated, suddenly moving forward on the couch, angling his body towards Dan’s.

“You think I’m cute?” Dan asked, a blush threatening his cheeks.

Phil nodded, “Dan, forgive me for just coming out with this, but I do like you.”

“I like you too.”

“No,” Phil stated, “I really like you, Dan. As in I want to be more than just friends. After speaking with my coworker today, I knew that I couldn’t deny my feelings for you anymore. I really, really like you.”

Dan watched as Phil began to move in, and suddenly their lips were connected into a kiss that was barely there, but at the same time, almost too much. Dan smiled to himself as he tasted sweets, coffee, and wine on Phil’s lips; he tasted just as how he imagined.

Phil’s hand came up, holding Dan’s jaw in place as the kiss deepened. Dan was in complete shock that this happened; he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was even okay. He had a few other kisses in his life, but nothing with someone he really liked and wanted to be with.

Phil pulled back from the kiss, both of them panting in heavy breaths. Before either one could process what to do next, Dan was leaning in and reconnecting their lips again. And with the unspoken agreement, both of them knew what was going to unfold that night as they got up and walked, still connected, into Dan’s bedroom. Phil shut the door behind them with the hand that was on Dan’s cheek and their night finally begun.

It was only during the middle of the night that everything changed. Dan was asleep, unknowing of Phil’s movements. Needing to go to the bathroom, Phil got up and padded around the apartment until he found it. Using the toilet as silently as possible, he headed back out before spotting something that caught his eye.

On the coffee table in Dan’s living room was a crumpled piece of paper that had a red-letter heading on the top. Phil didn’t mean to be nosey, but he found himself walking to the paper and picking it up. Uncrumpling it, his eyes skimmed the page and anger flamed inside of his body.

With a few silent tears running down his cheeks, he crumpled the paper back up and went back into Dan’s bedroom. He noted Dan sleeping peacefully in the bed, his lower half covered by a blanket after the amazing intimacy that they had shared. Phil felt sick. He bent down and grabbed his clothing, dressing as quickly as he could. On the way out, he contemplated leaving a note but instead he just shut the door behind himself and left.

Dan’s eyes opened the following morning, filled with exhaustion and bliss. Turning on his side, he looked around for Phil. But he noticed quickly that the other side of the bed was cold. Upset, Dan fought back tears before getting up and wrapped the blanket around himself, feeling suddenly exposed.

How could Phil had left him like a one-night stand? He thought last night had meant something?

Reaching around for his phone, he unlocked it, expecting Phil to say he had got called into work early. Instead, he was left with nothing. No explanation. But he needed to find out why Phil left.

Dan felt dirty. Used. Defiled. Any other synonyms of words that possibly meant any of the ones he was already thinking. He wanted to get up and scrub away the touches from Phil that had meant so much last night. He wanted to cry because he felt something so deeply with Phil and he didn’t want it to disappear.

He whipped the blankets off from his torso and stood up from his bed. Rushing around to find some clothes, he immediately got dressed and grabbed his cell phone again. Shoving the device into his pocket, he grabbed his wallet and walked out of his apartment.

He was going to find Phil.

The first place Dan thought to go was to the cafe, as Phil seemed to always be there. And of course, to his luck, Phil was there. He was stood behind the counter with his apron tied around his waist.

A sudden fire rushed through him, like venom coursing through his veins. He rushed to the counter and snapped, “Why did you leave?”

Phil’s head snapped up and he put on a fake smile.

“Dan, if this is about last night…”

“Of course this is about last night!” Dan yelled, beginning to make a scene. “How could you just leave me this morning like a cheap one-night stand?”

“This is not the time for this!”

“No, Phil, it is! I think I deserve an explanation!” Dan snapped, frustrated. “No messages? Not even a note? What about a voicemail? You couldn’t explain to me where you were going?”

“No, Dan, because I think it’s better that we don’t see each other right now.”

The words slapped Dan across the jaw, causing a sudden pain in his heart — one that he felt would be there for a while. He felt sick to his stomach because suddenly, this was becoming terrifyingly real.

“What…Phil…?”

“No, Dan,” Phil said, suddenly moving from outside the counter to face him. “I’m done with your lying. How could I? How could you? You used me and lied to me!”

“I didn’t want to lie to you, Phil!”

“Oh yeah?” Phil asked, tears welling inside of his eyes. “Then why didn’t you tell me? Why did you lead me to believe that you actually cared about the work I was doing with you? Why couldn’t you have just told me you dropped out of Uni?”

Dan stared at him, almost surprised.

“Because it was supposed to be…”

“Supposed to be what, Dan?” Phil asked, a tear sliding down his cheek.

Dan went to speak again when Phil lifted his hand up to stop him.

“No,” Phil spoke icily. “You know what? Maybe your persona fits you a little too well, Dan. You lied to me and led me on and I don’t like that. If you would have just came forward and told me, maybe I wouldn’t be forced to do this. But right now, I think it’s best that we don’t see each other.”

Dan felt his heart fall from his chest and shatter against the tiled floor. Phil wiped his eyes a few times before walking back behind the counter and throwing his apron on the granite surface and rushing into the back.

Dan looked around, noticing that everyone was staring at him because what just unfolded.

Maybe Phil was right. Maybe this entire thing was Dan’s fault.

Turning around and not making eye-contact with anyone, he quickly exited the cafe and headed down the street, ignoring the stream of tears that freely chased down his chin.

Back at his apartment, Dan stood in front of the bathroom mirror. His normal brown eyes were now swallowed in darkness, and the surrounding white was a bloodshot red from all the tears. His hair––which was perfectly straightened before––was now a disheveled mess. For a brief moment, he didn’t recognize the man looking back at him.

The first piercing falls onto the porcelain with a clank, and soon after, the next surgical steel bars follow suit. When all of the metal was laid around the sink countertop, Dan looked into the mirror and saw his image as a normal, clean cut teenager; one who just wants to find his place in life.

Taking the piercings in his hand, he opens his medicine cabinet and grabs an almost-empty pill bottle. Opening the top, he throws them in and then closes it, shoving the bottle away. Slamming the medicine cabinet shut, the mirror cracks like a spider-web.

Now he really didn’t recognize himself.

Walking out, he heads to his living room and goes for his secret cabinet of liquor under his coffee table. The last time he was in the cabinet was with Phil.

Grabbing a bottle of whiskey, he cracked the top open and began to chug it. It burnt the entire way down his throat, and when he pulled away for air, he was choking and wincing. But he put the bottle to his lips again and drinks once more.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he picked it up to see that he had one missed call from his grandma; someone who he hasn’t spoken with in a long time. Unable to answer it, he instead grabbed his phone and contemplated texting Phil.

Maybe if he just texted Phil why he did what he did, everything would be fixed?

He opened the message app and his thumb hovered over Phil’s name, but he doesn’t have the courage to press it. Instead, he locked his phone and threw it somewhere across the room. He watched it land on the floor, and sighed. The bottle weighed heavily in his hand, and he took another swig.

Dan twitched from the cold air as he descends down main street, his boots scuffing against the pavement. His was coming from his first-ever job interview for a job at a local bookstore he applied for. He was pretty sure it went well; his mind told him it did anyway.

…Alright. So there’s a slight pang in his step. He pushed down the negative thoughts in favour of having a nice afternoon, and turned a corner down the street. He was going to pick up lunch from a pizza shoppe.

Seeing the familiar red awning, he walks under it and opens the main door. When he went inside, he was immediately hit by the scent of pizza. He was content like this; being able to walk into a place and not have everyone stare at him.

He was sure that some of the holes where his piercings were would close eventually, but he was okay with that; he learned to love himself without them.

Dan stepped up the counter, confidently saying his name for his order before hearing a soft voice echo it from behind.

“Dan?”

He turned around, looking for the person that the voice belonged too. Phil was stood in the back of the line for pizza. He was wearing a red sweater—one that appeared to have reindeer on it—and a pair of black skinny jeans. Dan could have laughed when he saw Phil; it was nearing the end of April, not December.

Grabbing his small pizza and paying the cashier, he walked back to talk with Phil.

“Hey,” he quietly spoke.

Phil smiled at him. “How have you been?”

“Good.”

“You took out your piercings…”

“I didn’t feel like they suited me anymore.”

“Look,” Phil began, “I’m sorry for snapping at you a few days ago in the café. I was upset that you hid that secret from me, but…but I get it now. I get why you did it. At the time, I was just so angry that I couldn’t think straight. But Dan…I really am sorry for that.”

Dan shrugged, “It’s fine…I mean, it’s not fine, but I’m glad you apologized. It means a lot actually.”

“What are you doing on this side of town?” Phil suddenly asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I had an interview at the Willow Root bookstore. I decided to stop by and get some pizza.”

A smile broke out on Phil’s face, “That’s awesome to hear! I got a job working for the newspaper now, and they let me off from work early. I thought I’d swing by and grab a pizza myself.”

Dan looked between the sizzling hot box in his hand, and Phil; who was stood in front of him.

“Do you want to come back to my apartment and split the pizza with me? I’m sure I won’t be able to eat it by myself?”

Phil smiled.

They were lying next to one another on Dan’s bed, both of their torsos wrapped in the duvet cover. Dan was nearly asleep, his body exhausted from what had occurred. Phil was laying next to him, looking at him with his bright blue eyes.

“You know, I was wrong about you,” Phil said softly. “Your piercings make you look beautiful. Why did you take them out?”

Dan swallowed nervously. “Because of what you told me.”

“Do you still have the piercings?”

“Of course.”

“Then let’s put them back in,” Phil said sitting up. “You shouldn’t have had to change for me, Dan.”

Dan shrugged, feeling the sheet move down his body as he turned over.

“I don’t think I need to,” he answered.

“Why’s that?”

Dan sighed and replied, “Because you made me realize that I wanted to be a different person. When you said what you did, it made me see that I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I wanted to be anymore. I wanted to be someone different.”

Phil smiled at Dan and rolled over closer to him. “I’m glad that I helped you realize that.” He paused and added, “And I’m even happier that you walked into the coffee shop those few months ago.”

Dan smiled, because he was happier than ever now. He had Phil back in his life and he knew now that Phil was here to stay. He was content with all of this. With his new life filled with no piercings, and a new attitude that launched the rest of his adulthood.

And last, but not least, he was happy that his university’s coffee shop was closed that one day in February.

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