#and like. I don't blame him. regardless of if they became friends along the way she DID kinda use him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cryptiql · 3 years

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cherry starbursts

pairing: bakugou/reader (male reader in mind but is gender neutral)

warnings: none, i think?? lots of cussing though, courtesy of lord explosion murder

words: 3.6k

a/n: yuzuya's audios giving me so much brainrot...gonna be thinking about this all week. also the way this started out as god tier writing but gradually turned into shit at the end 🏃 nonetheless, i hope i did this gremlin man justice </3

a contemplative hum tickles your throat as you observe the paragraph laid out before you, the pads of your fingers tingling as you trail them across the pages. on the occasions where you've found your nose nestled deep within them, a muted scent of pears and sawdust would invade your senses, and the urge to rest your head in the plains of your chemistry textbook would become overwhelming. however, the threat of being cuffed over the head by a rolled up magazine makes you think twice about slacking off, so you begrudgingly slump back into your seat with a resigned huff. the clock in your dorm is no doubt ticking away like always; the second hand rounding at great speeds while the minute and hour hands crawl by at a sluggish pace; but you aren't there to hear it.

instead, you reside in bakugou's room, basking in the unencumbered atmosphere created solely by his diligent efforts to keep his space clean and organized. it's just the way he is, you have to remind yourself. not because you stubbed your toe on his dumbbells last week and he felt sufficiently guilty as to make sure nothing was in your path the next time you visited. that would be silly. all that considered, bakugou's room isn't much different from your own—save for the few comfort objects brought from home that give off a hospitable air—but the lack of stimulus it holds is apparent. anything that could disturb your tranquil study date has either been stored away or placed beyond your reach.

damn him, the bastard! he's completely oblivious, you silently muse, bracing your elbows on the desk to plant your face in the palms of your hands. you chastise yourself at the same moment for forgetting your headphones, but in your defense, bakugou screaming for you to hurry up had prompted a hasty departure. if he had the patience to wait two more minutes. . .

rather than finishing the thought, you pull the textbook closer, hoping that somehow the enlarged print will stick to your brain like a temporary tattoo. you only need this information long enough to pass the exam, but once it's over, you swear you'll never mention anything chemistry related unless it's the bond between you and your neighbor. the idle scratching of pencil led against paper erupts from his side of the room, lessening the static in your head by a fraction, but it doesn't last. he mutters something unintelligible under his breath as you spin in your chair to look at him in desperation.

he remains ignorant for the next minute or so, only glancing up at you briefly before returning to his notes. your nostrils flare as you reach down to untangle your laces and pull off your shoe. you chickened out last time this happened, but being ignored has successfully fed the flames of your frustration, and you simply will not stand for it any longer. you blame your sleep-addled mentality for the lack of better aim, but it stokes your pride when bakugou flinches as your shoe hurdles past his shoulder.

"the hell was that for, dumbass!?" he growls, his eyes narrowing into slits. you respond with a high pitched whine; one that would be considered overexaggerated in his opinion, but in yours, was perfectly reasonable when being held against your will to study a subject that has no business being this tedious. "sukiii, i'm booored."

the blonde makes a 'tch' sound, positioning his arm in a warning manner before throwing his pencil at you, which you manage to catch easily. you revel in the deflated expression he wears, twirling the pencil between your fingers and kicking a leg over one arm of the chair. all this, while never breaking eye contact, was sure to break through to him. you're hopeful, what with the way katsuki's gaze—gradually failing to hide his infatuation—travels over your build from head to toe. whether because you giggle at his reaction or decide to kick your feet like a giddy child, he snaps out of his trance with an all too familiar scowl and shuts his own textbook with unnecessary force. his demanding stare is fixated on you as he tosses it haphazardly to the edge of the bed.

"give me back my pencil, idiot." he completely ignores your previous statement and jumps straight into business, as always. "give me back my shoe first, hot stuff." you challenge, smirking in a way that you very well know gets him hot under the collar. the teasing endearment will either put the odds in your favor; earning you your shoe as desired, and perhaps the lovely little blush that often dusts his face whenever you flirt with him; or seal your fate in hell where the everlasting flames may burn similarly, if not just as hotter than bakugou's explosions. it has taken years of practice to uphold your smug attitude in the face of his unyielding rage; nose wrinkled and canines grinding. even now, he is the image of perfection—a powerful god emblazoned in brimstone and baneful inferno—and you, a mere lover of art. after a moment, bakugou's resolve seems to falter. his piecing glare relents only slightly to give way for a pensive expression as he sighs, gently rubbing along the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. he throws you your shoe while standing from the bed, and as you slip it on, he shuffles over to his clothes drawer to pull out his own pair of sneakers. this prompts you to raise a brow inquisitively, but your silent question is left unanswered up until bakugou claps a hand on your shoulder and grumbles.

"c'mon, i'm fucking starving. there's a seven eleven nearby that's got spicy ramen."

and just like that, all thoughts pertaining to the test have been pulverized to dust by katsuki's unrelenting fists. the promise of food after hours of relentless mental abuse has you brushing off the sudden change of inclination in seconds, meanwhile the hothead to your right mulls over it during your trek through the empty hallways, stuffing his arms into the holes of his jacket. he had been able to overlook your constant fidgeting and intermittent noises of vexation, but too soon it became obvious that you weren't getting anywhere with the session. he would have simply offered to help if not for his own inability to concentrate, which had made itself known within the last half hour when he caught himself staring at you between taking notes. so what if he found your pouting cute? just maybe, he had started to fall in love with the way your brows furrowed at the instance of a misunderstood question; the absentminded tugging of your earlobe; the way your eyes looked without seeing, as if the smallest things held the greatest importance. sure, the tapping of your nails against a desk was a bit much, but he could always put a stop to your fretting by lacing your fingers together and kissing the back of your hand. just maybe, your bashful reactions made him want to hold you closer; to see you lounging across his lap—a throne befitting for a king—with your rose hued cheeks nestled in the crook of his neck.

not that you needed to know any of that. no fucking way would he endow another reason for you to tease him when the list was already so long.

curfew isn't for another hour, but bakugou would rather not waste time dawdling, so he uses this as reasoning for hooking your arm with his and practically hauling you out the exit. he mutters something about you being "too fucking slow" and "leaving you behind if you don't keep up", but the fact that he's dragging you along at all shows that he would have no problem resorting to desperate matters. the right amount of groveling and or compromising might mean a piggyback ride to the store, but regardless of how tempting the idea is, you decide not to further burden your friend with carrying you.

the towering shape of heights alliance becomes more and more like a speck of dust as your journey continues, the weight of your thoughts heavy on your already weary mind. you eye katsuki's side profile, noting the distinct lack of malice upon his handsome features, and smile softly to yourself. friend. it was the first word that occurred to you, albeit the least desirable and in no way comparable to the term that caused your heart to flutter within the confinements of your ribcage.

you aren't together. you don't know if you'll ever be, but when the the milieu; brimming with chaotic screams, booming laughter and disorderly merriment belonging to that of your closest friends; is whisked from the narrative, katsuki looks at you differently. whatever fragments of disdain and spite tend to crumble within the first few seconds and are replaced by an emotion that was unheard of ever having manifested in the depths of his vermillion hues. it holds a semblance to adoration, perhaps even respect, and for as long as you can recall, that is all you've wanted to see from him: to be regarded like no other.

sure, it's not like how you dreamed—he isn't very affectionate in public, though you doubt he would be even if you were together, and it always stings when he shrugs your affections off with a deriding comment—but that's just it. it's not a dream. after every scornful remark; after the day has passed and the dwindling moon takes its place in the evening sky, breaking through the curtains of his dorm; he'll kiss your hand, your blooming cheeks, your lips, all to atone for it. where no one else can see, he treats you like a divine being, and part of you wishes to think that it's because he's selfish. a bit of possessiveness has lead to many nights of a shared bed, ruffled sheets and smothering cuddles, but who are you to complain? everything he gives you is more real than any well-constructed reverie.

he may not be yours, and you may not be his, but no one else will suffice for either of you, and that is the unspoken truth.

the minimal bitterness in the autumn breeze makes for a refreshing atmosphere with the only discontent being the hunger that claws at your stomach. bakugou has never been merciful towards anyone, let alone the self-acclaimed nuisance who interrupts his studying with half-baked plans of adventure, but you're ever so grateful for the rare times where he is.

you know you won't have to wait long now that the smell of milk bread and takoyaki trickles into the air, much like the faint pitter patter of raindrops on the concrete. the shower is horribly ill-timed, but you hardly mind, especially when the droplets cling to bakugou's eyelashes like crystalline gemstones; glimmering faintly with every blink as they catch the suns rays. it settles below the horizon, only a sliver of golden yellow to be seen dancing in the tree boughs above, and the fuck if the way it illuminates your not-boyfriend's visage isn't absolutely breathtaking. the glimpse of honeyed skin and kissable lips—pulled into a pensive pout—draws you in deeper, and deeper, and oh god i've been caught—

"you got a staring problem, dumbass?" he grumbles, a roseal color dusting his ears that he swears is from the cold.

even his offensive nicknames are laced with an abnormal tenderness, and knowing that you're the only one with the privilege to hear it causes your chest to swell with delight. you nibble your bottom lip, hoping that it will somehow hide the fleet of giggles bubbling in your throat, but it does no such thing. "yeah, it's weird. whenever i see something beautiful, i just feel compelled to stare at it."

you don't need to look at him to know you've struck a nerve, but you do anyways, and his face grows redder under the intensity of your teasing leer. he sputters, curses falling from past his lips like a waterfall, and rips his arm from your grasp to cradle it as if you've burned him. any sane person would have backed down the second mini explosions began flaring up from his palms, however, you are perhaps the exact opposite, as to be expected when surrounding yourself with the infamous bakusquad, who (excluding bakugou) procured one braincell to share amongst themselves. years of having to put up with and, by extension, learn how to effectively handle bakugou's fits have proven to be time well spent.

you remain none the wiser to the concerned stares of others as he spouts a line of insults; incomprehensible from behind his curled fist pressed tightly to his mouth.

"you-you can't just say that kinda shit out loud, dumbass!" and although he may seem mad, he's already dragging you down the street. you test your luck by huddling closer and resting your chin on his shoulder, your steady pace never faltering.

"is the katsuki bakugou stumbling over his words from a little compliment?" it almost feels like you've won, but then the blonde proceeds to cover your face with his still damp hand. the little shit had timed it perfectly so that your open mouth would taste the saltiness of his sweat—quite the contrary to its sugary caramel aroma—and if you weren't so preoccupied by the resonance of his cackling laugh, you might have spent the rest of the trip gagging and complaining about the whole ordeal. he hardly seems bothered, wiping your saliva on his trousers and going forth with that customary lumbering strut, which always has you torn between fawning, chortling or questioning if he has fucking weights down his pants.

nonetheless, you can't help but murmur how cute he looks as you swing your free arm in tune with your steps.

by the time you've arrived at the shop, the sun has long since disappeared; welcoming hues of purple, navy blue and hints of orange to dapple the heavens, along with the foretelling of stars. you can't begin to describe how lucky you are to be living in a city with such beautiful scenery, even when the thin clouds of smog from factories often hinder your view of it. the fluorescent lights from the 'open' sign flash sporadically, casting a cobalt glow to dance across your dazed expression. katsuki watches with intent, chuckling at how easily distracted you can get as he tugs you inside by the cloth of your shirt.

the person behind the cash register spares a customary greeting before returning to their magazine, and bakugou makes a beeline for the intended isle, something akin to excitement radiating from him. he wears it much differently, and it resembles is go-to callous guise in almost every way, but you're able to detect the slight shift in demeanor as if its the easiest thing in the world. you hardly register that he's removed himself from you until the distance grows too large to ignore, and you shuffle over to the place beside him with a newfound adrenaline. the crisp air of the corner store heightens your senses as you tap your foot to the pop song playing overhead.

the only other sound is of katsuki examining the ramen and deciding what level of spice he should get, encouraging you to ponder what sort of hellish nightmare he has planned for the rest of the group. it was just last week when he dared kaminari to try some of the noodles, and the poor boy had spent ten minutes weeping in snot-nosed agony that you would have to be insane to put something that hot in your mouth. bakugou had laughed at his misery and carried on eating with vigor, mocking the others for their weak taste buds.

after a beat of silence, you decide to test your luck again by poking is shoulder, as well as batting your eyelashes at him and cocking your head to the side.

"can we get some candy?"

bakugou waves his hand dismissively, which is all the conformation you need before rounding the corner to peruse the variety of sweets on display. you immediately spot the marked parcels of sour gumdrops and assorted licorice and giggle to yourself as you pick them out, unaware of the gentle smile the blonde wears in regards to your child-like glee.

"yeah, just don't eat it all in one sitting. you go through that shit way too fast—it's unhealthy."

you won't bother commenting on his strict, motherly advisement, because you know it's in his best interest. he's grumbled about "stuffing your body with all that garbage" on numerous occasions, and while the hypocrisy might have annoyed you at one point ("and i assume gouging yourself on spicy ramen is completely different?") you realized rationing your candy would benefit both your health and your wallet. you nod, despite knowing he can't see, and idly feel for your back pocket, wondering just how much katsuki plans to stock up. money isn't exactly an issue, so you suppose it doesn't matter, but the amount of packets he normally brings back is downright criminal.

"don't be shy," he eventually says, "i'm buying. you're responsible enough not to buy out the whole store, right?"

your confusion overwhelms the urge to roll your eyes at his sarcasm, but there also lies a hint of elation that he would offer to buy.

"i figured i'd be paying as compensation for messing with you." you stand on the tips of your toes to poke your head over the isle, feeling very tempted to ruffle his hair whilst he gathers the packages of ramen into his basket.

"nah, you can pay me back in some other way." his eyes flick upwards to meet your devilish smirk, and he turns away with an affronted noise, blood rushing to his cheeks.

"oh? i can't wait to see what you have in mind~."

and there go the sparks. they last but a few moments before katsuki composes himself, presumably because he realizes making a scene won't help the situation, but he still throws a glare at you from a distance as he beckons you closer. it seems like he's gotten all he needs, so you hastily grab whatever sweets are left on your mental list and rush back to the counter. a comfortable silence sits between you both as your items are checked out, and in that time, you observe the significant difference between pre-late-night-shopping-run bakugou and food-deprived-study-date bakugou. his shoulders are more relaxed, as is his facial appearance, and you'll be damned if you ever forget the way he smiles when he catches you looking from his peripheral vision.

it's soft and unguarded and leaves you struggling for breath as he waits for the cashier to turn away, then promptly laces your fingers together. what? katsuki takes the bag and pulls you effortlessly; like a ragdoll; a mere toy at his disposal; out into the brisk evening. his thumb brushes the back of your hand, making you jump in surprise at the suddenness of it, and he titters freely. what? the streetlamps glint brightly, flickering at random intervals as you travel onward at a leisurely pace. the roads closest to U.A. aren't as packed as the ones deeper into the city, and thus you are the only two souls to be found, save for the few cars that speed by under the faint luminescence of nearing traffic lights. katsuki squeezes your palm, then slithers his hand out of your hold to replace it at your waist, methodically caressing the skin there in a way that has your knees buckling. you sputter witlessly, attempting to catch the thoughts that flee from your mind like birds to the wind. the blonde is nothing less than ecstatic to be the reason for your flustered state, and he takes full advantage of it by leaning in and hovering his mouth just inches from your own.

"i'll take my payment now." and oh lord, you think. he doesn't have to ask me twice. your lips collide with his, molding together like melted toffee; just as sweet and addictive. you've shared kisses before; ones that left you bruised and scrambling for a coverup the next day; ones that felt like fire but were tinged with honey that soothed your throat; fleeting ones that were never enough. you were sure that your need for affection would never truly be satiated unless it was from the boy you held most dear, and with the moon as your sole witness, katsuki was happy to oblige.

"starbursts. . ." he huffs after pulling away, massaging your hip to subdue your dissatisfied hum. "you taste like cherry starbursts."

he doesn't seem to mind by the way he leans in for another kiss, and another, and another, until you're a jittery mess in his arms. you press against his chest, a wistful sigh escaping you when you part once more.

"not that i'm complaining, but where's this coming from? you're usually not so touchy." the last bit of your utterance trails off as bakugou presses his lips to your forehead and keeps them there. moments pass, and when he finally pulls away, its to hide his blush by walking ahead of you. "i should be able to kiss my partner whenever i please, shouldn't i?" he doesn't even give you a chance to catch up, because his words have you rooted to the spot. what urges your feet to move is the haughty smirk he tosses over his shoulder, and even then, the race has only begun; your demands for him to stop echoing down the street as you chase him.

cheeky bastard.

#💥.katsuki #bakugou x male reader #katsuki bakugou x male reader #bakugou x gn!reader #male reader insert #mha x male reader #gn reader #mha x gn!reader #boku no hero x reader #bakugou x you

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jadelotusflower · 3 years

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It’s Cold in that Fridge: The Case of Nakari Kelen

Since The Case of Mara Jade has been doing the rounds again, I’ve finally gone back to this post that has been sitting in my drafts for literally years. So let’s honour this absolute badass who deserved better:

Once upon a time, the Star Wars universe was but six films (and a tv series) in the story of the Skywalker family. But beyond George Lucas’ story was an absolute boatload of books, comics, games, and other materials that made up the Expanded Universe. When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars saga, everything in this universe was decanonised and deemed “Legends” - some aspects of this universe were retained or re-purposed, others sit in Disney’s figurative vault and will likely never see the light of day (and seeing how the ST turned out, maybe that’s for the best).

But this transition between Legends canon and Disney canon was not so simple, because the nature of publishing meant that there were novels approved during the time of Legends canon that would be released in the time of Disney canon. In particular, there had been the planned trilogy “Empire and Rebellion”, set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with each novel from the perspective of one of The Big Three.

Razor’s Edge (Leia) and Honor Among Thieves (Han) were released prior to the Great Canon Split of 2014. But while the Luke-centric novel had been planned, it was not due to be released until well after the Split. So Heir to the Jedi (so called as an homage to the Legends progenitor Heir to the Empire) became one of the first books of the Disney canon.

What does this background have to do with Nakari Kelen? Perhaps nothing, but I do wonder how the writing process was affected by the shift from Legends to Disney - was the novel a relic of the old EU with any reference the LFL storygroup didn’t like excised during editing, or was it a trendsetter for the new EU, a Sign of Things to Come?

The most salient point being, of course, that Nakari Kelen - like so many love interests before her - was not allowed to go along her merry way at the conclusion of the novel, but was shoved into the fridge.

If there was one constant of the Legends EU, it was that Luke Skywalker’s love interests couldn’t catch a break. Mara Jade naturally lasted the longest relationship-wise, with almost twenty years of marriage to Luke before some bright spark decided she had to go (as per the aforementioned case study). But before Mara there was Jem, Shira Brie, and Gaeriel Captison (who came close to escaping the curse), and in the Legacy of the Force series they brought back sole survivors Akanah and Callista, only to kill them off for good too (and rather brutally, if I may add).

So perhaps when Kevin Hearne began writing HttJ within the confines of the Legends continuity, he was merely sticking to the status quo, or perhaps once subsumed by Disney they needed to make sure Luke's slate was clean (so to speak). And I can’t put all the blame on Hearne since I don’t know whether it was his idea, or LFL mandated - but regardless it was a poor decision.

The root cause of fridging, imo, is limited imagination. How best to cause your male protagonist pain if not kill off someone they love, or at least have strong feelings for? The answer is of course, easily. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Luke Skywalker of HttJ is fresh from his victory in ANH, a lieutenant in the Rebellion: young, not dumb, and full of...

Nakari Kalen is an absolute Queen a civilian volunteer and crack-shot sniper who loans her ship Desert Jewel to the Alliance. Luke is immediately attracted to her, they bond over a mutual love of fast ships and leaving behind desert home planets, and engage in the inexpert flirting of two nineteen year olds while also risking their lives several times over.

I want to make it clear: I actually really like this book. It's a breezy read, almost serialised as The Early Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and is ofttimes genuinely funny. And credit where it’s due to Hearne, many of of the supporting roles in the novel are female. Other than Nakari, there's Soonta, the Rodian who gives Luke her uncle’s lightsaber, Sakhet the Kupohan spy, and the Givin cryptographer/math genius Drusil Bephorin. In a genre where male characters are often the default for these kind of roles, it was nice to see, but makes the regressive fridging of Nakari even more egregious.

Luke and Nakari make a good team fighting brain-sucking monsters and Imperials, but more importantly they have fun together - she encourages him to work on his Force skills, and he successfully moves objects with his mind for the first time (leading to Nakari adorably dub him "a little noddle scooter"). It's a very sweet, if brief, relationship, and a respite from the danger of the mission. They spend the night together (leaving the reader to decide exactly what happened behind closed doors), and share a kiss before splitting up to try and escape bounty hunters. No prizes for guessing what happens to Nakari immediately after she received the Skywalker Kiss of Death.

I assume there were two motivating factors for why Hearne and/or LFL couldn't let Nakari live:

1. If she survived, fans would wonder why she doesn't appear in ESB/subsequent material.

I recall this bandied about on forums back at the time of the book's release, and to that I say - so what? Fans are always going to wonder, and try to paper over the gaps in canon, to make up their own headcanons to explain any any perceived inconsistencies. It's certainly no reason to kill someone off.

It is in fact possible for two young people to have a romance that just fizzles, or doesn’t work out for whatever reason - it should not require great maneuvering or explanation. If Nakari doesn’t show up in the next book in the timeline, what about it? The reader is smart enough to assume she and Luke broke up, decided to just remain friends, whatever. But it seems that the only way for a female character to exit stage left is for her to die, which is bullshit.

And actually, there's no reason why she couldn't have shown up again. ESB and RoTJ cover a month and a few days, respectively, of Luke's life - just because there was no mention of Nakari doesn't mean she didn't exist at that time, whether or not she and Luke were an item. She could have made an appearance in a subsequent novel, or Rebels, or the comics - she could have become a recurring character, showing up when the Rebellion needed her, or - heaven forbid - even have her own comic/book/show! Her existence in Star Wars canon didn't need to begin and end with Luke Skywalker, merely to service his plotline and backstory and abandoning the richness of her own.

No, the only reason Nakari had to die was to facilitate this:

It was a blow to the gut, realizing what that sudden absence meant. I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I had felt Nakari's life snuffed out through the Force, and into that void where she had shone anger rushed in - anger, and a cold sense of raw power and invincibility...I took a step to join in the hunt but stopped, breathing heavily, unaccountably sweating even though I felt so cold inside and the power of the Force roiled within me... I shook with emotion and power, and none of it felt the way the Force had before...I saw what kind of space it was , a black hole that would always be hungry no matter how much I fed it. I might never feel warm again if I didn't get myself under control.

Luke feels the dark side and is tempted by the boost of power it offers him, but immediately identifies it as dangerous and unnatural. I can understand why Hearne wanted to include this - it is a book of firsts after all: Luke's first solo mission, his first time using telekenisis, and ending with story with his first experience of the dark side makes sense. But it wasn't necessary, which leads to:

2. How to push Luke to touch the dark side without killing someone he has romantic feelings for?

Also, obviously, shite of the bull (or nerf, if you prefer). Even if this brush with the dark side was absolutely necessary for the novel's climax, there's any number of ways it could be achieved. At this point, Luke is fresh from losing important people in his life - Owen and Beru, Ben, and Biggs - lumping another death on top of that a narrative trick for Luke to react not only to losing Nakari, but the others as well. But it's cheap, the first card in the deck, and why not show a bit of imagination? Luke is young and inexperienced enough at this point that any number of things could be the catalyst - the whole book he's struggling with his growing powers, why not try and reach too far in the firefight with the bounty hunters, his anger and frustration with himself in not doing enough trigger the dark side temptation? It would work thematically and doesn't involve a fridging that ultimately has very little payoff.

Because Nakari is killed less than ten pages from the end of the book - afterwards Luke grieves, but ultimately chooses to honour her memory and be grateful for what he learned with her, recommitting to becoming a Jedi. It's all very surface level, and once again a female character's death facilitates a male character's development. Was it so imperative that Luke lost someone he cared about as part of this story? Sure, this was a time of galactic civil war, and it's far from unrealistic that these stories have a high body count, but who to make collateral damage remains an authorial choice, and in this case Nakari Kelen was (a) a female character of color, (b) a love interest of the protagonist - not just of this book, but the entire Original Trilogy.

I don't know to what extent (if any) race had to play in the decision. I'm sure there was a segment of the fandom absolutely livid that Luke Skywalker kissed (and maybe had sex with) a black woman. Was her death LFL hedging its bets, or demonstrative of the general lack of attention/respect they show their characters of colour?

In any case this was a chance to stand out from the old EU and it's fridge full of Luke's dead girlfriends, but instead they chose to introduce and kill off Nakari for the sole purpose of Luke's manpain and character development, and that's gross.

And then there's this:

A grisly yet reliable fact about custom bounty hunter ships is that you can always count on them to have body bags stashed somewhere for the easy transport of their kills. They often have built-in refrigerated storage, too.

NAKARI IS KILLED AND LITERALLY STORED IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.

I really hope this was unintentional on Hearne's part, because yikes. He was halfway there, this book was full of interesting female characters who had agency - Drusil in particular was a delight with her super math and inability to understand human interaction. Nakari was full of life and fun - capable but relatable, showing a different side of the Rebellion and those that suffered under the Empire's rule. Fridging her in her first appearance is considerably more vile, because it reduces her to a footnote of Luke's story, a plot device to Help Him Grow, rather than a springboard to tell more of her own story.

Because Nakari was a compelling character ripe for spinoff potential. I would absolutely have read or watched her continued adventures, juggling missions for her father's Biolabs company and trying to aid the Rebellion, shooting her slug rifle and cracking wise, maybe even finding a way to amplify her mother's song Vader's Many Prosthetic Parts to really stick it to the Empire, or try and free the political prisoners on Kessel.

The old EU was made great by allies and enemies of Our Heroes showing up again to help or hinder them, and/or branching out into their own material. We fell in love with them, and followed their stories even as they diverged from the main saga, eager to read more about their lives.

Nakari Kelen never got that chance. In many ways, she exemplified what Disney Star Wars was to become: an exercise in wasted potential.

#star wars #star wars meta #heir to the jedi #nakari kelen #luke skywalker #fridging #it's cold in that fridge #star wars expanded universe #nucanon

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roselen-mylady · 4 years

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In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader °part fourteen°

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life. They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected.

Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

"It's called Recover and Enable with Stark Technologies: Opportunity, Revival and Excellence. Or uh, RESTORE for short." Tony explained, the hologram capturing what they all knew to be one of his last days. "Damn, now that I say it aloud, it's a bit pretentious but we'll get used to it." He chuckled, still a little proud of his abbreviation.

"It's a resources company really. Offers financial help to families affected by the snap along with structure and aid to businesses, cooperations, hell even the government. They've always had their heads up their asses though." Y/n listened carefully, her heart stinging a bit more than usual. Maybe it was from watching yet another message from her idol and lost friend.

"It comes along with therapy and counseling. Really it's supposed to help piece the world back together. You should feel right at home. It was that aspect that told me you'd be perfect for the job. I'm sure I can help you with the other parts of the job. Or uh, Pepper will. I was never any good at running a business that was always her thing." Tony smiled fondly, the hologram's eyes seeming to stare straight into Pepper's.

Y/n could tell Pepper was fighting tears. It only made her own guilt grow.

Why did Tony have to die? It wasn't a fair question. Not to her. She should've done more, should've given her life to let him live the rest of his. To see his daughter grow up. To let Pepper finally have peace.

But what if she had? Would Bucky had even known she was his soulmate? Would he have found her body in the rumble, her shattered arm and scarred skin barely visible from the damage of the stones she should've been destroyed by. Would he have had to find out his soulmate had lost the war from her stopped countdown? Would he have had to piece together how close they were to meeting? Would he recover from that?

"We need to start soon," Pepper spoke suddenly, hastily wiping her face as she stood. Y/n watched wide eyed and silent as Pepper paced over to a man she'd learned to be Happy, quietly requesting he watch Morgan. Y/n stood, quickly moving to follow the woman.

She understood what Pepper was doing. She was avoiding the pain, putting all her effort and focus into anything but the death of her husband. Hundreds of people did it after the first snap and she couldn't say she blamed them. But it was different this time. There was no way she could've prevented the first snap, no way she could've saved all of those lives that were now returned.

But the last snap was within arms reach of her. She was capable of stopping it, sparing the last victim of the snap. But she failed.

Maybe Pepper had the right idea. This guilt was overwhelming.

"Tony set up some meetings with other corporations for Monday. I'd like you to be there with me." Pepper told her, her heels rhythmically clicking down the steps as Y/n followed carefully.

"Monday? Doesn't this seem a little rushed? I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing. Shouldn't I have some kind of lessons?" Y/n objected, her brow creasing warily.

"You'll learn through experience." Pepper replied. It was too much, too overwhelming. Y/n had just lost two friends, another left her and she'd met her soulmate. Now they wanted her to run a company that the world would eventually depend on?

How would she even begin?

In an effort to take a breath, she looked away from Pepper, her eyes trailing to the lake. It was peaceful, much more peaceful than Y/n had felt in days-years if she was being honest.

She hoped that after everything that had happened, she could just go back to being normal or as normal as someone like her could be. She didn't care about the hero's life and she didn't want to be Iron Star for any longer than she had to. But as she looked around at the others, she realized that was becoming less and less of a possibility. They looked at her as if she were next.

They seemed to know she was going to be one of them just by looking at her. But why? Because Tony took a chance on her? Because they were so similar? Or was it something else, something she hadn't seen yet?

Suddenly the calm ripples in the water were disturbed with a large splash, sending the area into chaos. A rock had broken the surface of the lake, sinking in the next second. It happened so quick and so subtly that she wasn't sure it'd even happened. The water calmed once more and the rock was lost to the bottom of the lake.

Once finding the source of the rock, her breath hitched.

He was there at the lakeside, pacing with one hand in his pocket while the other rubbed his neck. His head was downcast and he looked stressed, just as stressed as she was. That's when she realized.

He'd just met his soulmate too. After what she guessed to be almost 90 years. Nearly a century without his soulmate. He was just as nervous and overwhelmed. But it didn't mean he wasn't dying to talk to her. She could feel it, his eagerness. The way his heart ached to speak to her again even if only a few words. She wondered if he could feel her own longing.

"I need to do something. I'll be right back." Y/n excused herself, trying to be as polite as she could. She knew Pepper wanted to carry out her husband's last wish as soon as possible but they both knew he wouldn't have meant it like this. Didn't mean to leave them alone to handle it.

Pepper nodded, releasing a sigh. Everything was beginning to weigh down on her and she knew forcing more onto her shoulders wasn't gonna work this time. "Just call me tomorrow, okay?"

"I will." Y/n assured, looking back to Bucky. Pepper's expression had softened a bit following Y/n's gaze.

She remembered the first time she'd met Tony. At first he was adamant about their relationship, refusing to let her forget they were soulmates. But after what happened in Afghanistan he stopped his teasing. He stopped addressing it altogether. The trauma was too much.

Tony wasn't the same and things changed. But she liked to think it was for the better. He was a better man but he stopped seeing himself as worthy of a soulmate. He forgot what soulmates were for and it crushed Pepper.

She refused to let Y/n feel the same.

"Just meet me at Stark Industries on Monday. Have this time with him." Pepper told Y/n, motioning her head toward Bucky.

Y/n nodded softly, working up the courage to make her way to him. "Thank you."

•••

"What did that poor rock do to you?" Bucky froze at her question, whipping around to face her. She offered a soft smile, trying to break the awkwardness before it became too strong.

Bucky let out an airy laugh, looking back at the lake where he'd just thrown the rock. "Looked at me funny." He replied jokingly, turning back to her. She moved carefully toward him, coming to stand at his side a couple feet away.

He wished she would stand closer, close enough for him to put his arm around her. Close enough for him to hold her tight and never let her go. But he'd respect the distance. He'd give her space.

There was a buzz in the air as she stood there next to him, as if everything was falling into place. It felt like the atmosphere had shifted, that the stars had aligned. After all these years without her, he finally had her.

And all he could muster was, 'looked at me funny'?

"Must've been some look." Y/n replied with an amused smirk.

The silence was overwhelming but welcomed. Of course both wanted to fill it with anything and everything they could say but neither were ready for that. They each had their secrets, their pasts. They were at a conflicting crossroads.

"It's strange. I've waited my whole life to tell you everything but now I don't have anything to say." Y/n let out a strained laugh, looking down at her sling. She wanted so badly to see her countdown, to finally confirm to herself that she had him and that he wasn't going anywhere. But her countdown couldn't promise that. Only fate could keep him at her side and so far fate hadn't been kind.

"Me too." Bucky mumbled, cringing at how awkward he believed to be making things.

'Say something.' His mind cursed at him. 'Say anything.'

"You're really beautiful." He spoke suddenly, his face flushing at how stupid he sounded. He meant it of course. She was stunning despite the cuts and bruises along her features. Gorgeous even with the dirt and dried blood that traced her hairline. Enchanting regardless of the sling that obstructed her movement. She was beautiful.

But saying it aloud after only speaking a few words to one another made him feel silly. So long ago he'd call complete strangers beautiful without a second thought. But was that right with his soulmate? Were there certain things he should do? A way to act?

All his worries faded away with her smile, such a glorious thing he couldn't wait to see everyday for the rest of his life. If she would have him.

"Thank you, Bucky." His name slipped off her lips so naturally it was as if she'd been saying it all her life. And maybe she had. Fate worked in mysterious ways and his mother was a firm believer that soulmates always found one another. In this life or another. He'd never believed it but now he had. They'd found each other, despite time and despite space. They were bound to one another and he could feel that Y/n knew it too.

"I have a place in the city. It's where I was heading before...you know. Not that meeting you was an inconvenience, I honestly never thought I would. Not that I didn't want to, I dreamt of it...-I'm rambling now." She sighed. How had she managed to make it even more awkward?

"It's okay." Bucky assured, unable to stop his smile from growing.

"What I was trying to say is I'd like you to stay with me, if you want. It might be a little bit more comfortable than whatever lodging Fury is getting for you all. I have a spare room." She offered, her heart heavy with the idea of Steve being gone. He'd chosen the life he wanted. Unfortunately she wasn't a part of it.

"I'd like that." Bucky nodded, his heart swelling at the suggestion. Not only was it one of the few kind acts he'd experienced since escaping HYDRA, it was also an invitation from his soulmate into her life.

He wouldn't squander the opportunity.

"Great." Y/n smiled, releasing the breath she'd been holding upon his answer. A part of her had been scared of rejection. But she guessed things with soulmates were different. They were easier. Maybe it was the assurance that they were the right match or maybe it was just the overall feeling of belonging that came with the other's presence.

Soulmates were easy.

At least she thought.

•••

When they arrived at Y/n's apartment, she was grateful she had cleaned up before everything that had happened. She'd never brought a man home before, let alone her soulmate and she wasn't sure what to say or do. The only person that she'd even brought to her apartment was Steve and by then their conversation flowed as easily as breathing.

"You have a nice place, very um, modern?" He offered, not knowing what to say himself. It'd been so many years since he'd even talked to a woman and he wasn't even sure he knew how to flirt anymore.

"Thank you." Y/n replied quietly, glancing around the apartment as if trying to see it through his eyes. She remembered Steve mentioning the lack of photos once when he first started to live there. Did Bucky think it was weird?

"Can I get you something to drink? Water, coffee, wine…?" She trailed off. Bucky looked at her, taking notice of her own nerves.

"Water is fine." He answered, smiling at her softly in any attempt to soothe her.

It seemed to work as she smiled back at him, turning toward the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Make yourself comfortable. You can watch TV if you'd like." Y/n called to him, taking a moment after pouring the glass to lean against the counter and sigh, hiding away from the source of her anxiety.

She'd always wanted to meet him. She had wanted to have him in her life from the moment she'd heard about soulmates. But what she never expected was how awkward it would be. She'd always been told that soulmates clicked instantly but they hadn't quite clicked yet. And she could tell Bucky felt it too.

Perhaps it was everything they'd been through? Maybe it'd changed them both enough to where clicking was harder? Or maybe they'd never click.

Her heart dropped at this, sending a surge of pain through her chest. Would she even be able to live with herself if they never clicked? She'd lost everyone, would she lose her soulmate too?

Suddenly a booming voice echoed from the living room, frightening her out of her daze. Quickly grabbing the glass, she dashed into the living room, plucking the remote from the wide eyed Bucky. Hastily, she muted it letting out a panicked sigh as the reporter continued on with his story silently.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't be sorry, really. Trust me that's not the first time I've had to rescue a 100 year old vet from my TV. It just seems to know who to attack." She nervously laughed, setting down the remote. The tense air seemed to relax at that and Bucky found himself chuckling along with her.

The accident, though startling at first, made her feel more at ease. It was something familiar and for the first time since their meeting, there was no awkward feeling between them.

"Here," Y/n handed the glass to him with a shaking hand, trying not to let him see how much had spilled out onto her hand when she rushed into the living room.

Bucky accepted it from her, his fingers lingering on hers for just a moment before retracting.

He could feel her but not like his hand used to. The metal digits no longer felt warmth or pain or tenderness. He could feel when something touched him but all the things that made touch special were stolen along with his real appendage. He wished he'd reached out with his other arm, that he could feel the softness of her skin, the warmth.

"I-I'm not sure how this goes. I rehearsed this a thousand times when I first got my countdown but things are so much more different than I expected. My parents always raised me on the false ideal that we'd meet somewhere cliche like a coffee shop or something." She shook her head, immediately regretting her words the moment they left her mouth.

"I don't really know either. Honestly, I never thought I'd meet you." He sighed, his heart aching with the decades he'd lived believing that he'd die before meeting her. But now she was here and he was ruining it.

Y/n frowned with him, racking her brain for anyway to save their less than perfect first day. "Maybe we should start over." She suggested, putting out her free hand to him.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Y/n L/n." She introduced, deciding there couldn't be harm in starting over. Their meeting was emotional and overwhelming and after all it was just awkward. But Y/n didn't want to remember it that way and neither did Bucky.

As she had hoped, he smiled, putting his own hand into hers and shaking it gently. "Sergeant James Barnes. But everyone calls me Bucky." He replied, his smile growing as she looked at him, her eyes conveying all the warmth she was too scared to admit.

"It's very nice to meet you, Bucky." Y/n smiled, studying the way he looked at her and trying not to let herself blush.

"It's an honor to meet you, Y/n."

•••

The rest of the evening continued this way, an occasional small bount of awkwardness along with some silence before another conversation arised. It was just like getting to know a stranger and while it wasn't what she had anticipated when she thought of meeting her soulmate, it still made her happier than she had ever been.

"So, I started to climb up the fire escape because I definitely wasn't going to wait outside in the snow storm for Steve to rescue me." Y/n explained matter-of-factly, earning a small chuckle from Bucky.

"Of course." He replied shortly, already picturing the woman before him beginning her journey up the fire escape.

"Turns out Steve was already home but he was in the shower. He got out right as I made it to the window and he nearly threw me several stories because he thought I was a burglar. He was so mad, he called me crazy about a hundred times before finally letting me in." Bucky laughed at her retelling, watching the glimmer in her eyes as she relived it.

"Like he's one to judge. When we were younger he'd lose his key all the time, had to start hiding one under a brick at his ma's apartment." Bucky told her, his heart aching slightly as he thought of the last time he'd had to help Steve. His mother had just passed and Bucky was pleading with Steve to stay with him. But Steve was independent, always had been.

"He wanted to change the locks when he found out I lost my key, which I mean, is a fair request but realistically there are about 3 million apartments in the city and the chances of someone finding this one was impossible. Also when you add Captain America into the mix, the chances of your apartment being robbed are quite slim." She explained. She still hadn't changed the locks now that she thought about it and Steve was gone.

And besides she'd survived before Steve. But it didn't make her miss him any less.

"You can never be too careful." Bucky replied, shrugging softly.

"I suppose." Y/n mumbled, looking down at the coffee table where her feet were resting. It always drove Steve crazy but it never stopped her. Yet now she almost felt compelled to do so. Some way to respect his wishes. "What was he like? Who was Steve before the serum and everything?" She asked, slowly dropping her feet from the table.

The question stunned Bucky, leaving him speechless for a few short moments. Several words popped to his mind to describe Steve but they were all things he knew Y/n would already have witnessed.

"He was selfless and brave. And stupid. So stupid. Never knew when to sit a fight out." Bucky chuckled fondly, though it faded just as fast as it had come. "He fought for me when I was on the run from HYDRA. He lost everything to save me."

"Sounds like Steve." Y/n didn't lift her gaze only offering a weak smile at her beloved friend's description.

Y/n was exhausted, so much more tired than she believed possible but given her physical state it made sense. She yawned, trying to muffle as much of it as she could, her eyes watering at how harsh the yawn had rolled through her.

Bucky hardly noticed, a bount of guilt settling on his heavy heart. Bucky didn't deserve saving. But Steve fought for him anyways. And now he was sitting next to his soulmate, the very soulmate he dared not envision a life with for fear of a broken heart.

"How weird that Steve befriended us both, nearly a century apart. And I thought fate was fucked." Y/n laughed quietly, drawing Bucky out of his thoughts. Another yawn took hold of her and Bucky noticed this time, a soft smile gracing his features as he watched her nose scrunch and her hand pathetically fail to hide the yawn.

"It's been a long day." Bucky said quietly, earning a small nod from her.

"You're right." She mumbled, trying to fight off the sleep that so desperately wanted to claim her. There was still so much she wanted to talk to him about and the few hours they had spent getting to know one another didn't feel like enough. But her body was protesting every second she spent awake.

With a silent sigh, she stood pacing off toward Steve's room to find Bucky some clothes for bed. Bucky rose from the couch to follow, taking notice of how her breathing seemed ragged, almost forced.

It worried him but he didn't say anything. Maybe this was normal? He had no idea. He hadn't thought to ask Steve about her condition and asking her now didn't seem right. So he merely watched her with a silent and concerned gaze.

However once reaching Steve's room, Bucky's attention was stolen. It was clear Steve lived in this room. Whether it was the religiously kept bed, neutral colored clothes hung neatly in the closet or the drawings and pictures strung along his walls, Bucky knew this was where Steve had spent a great deal of time.

The pictures varied in a great deal of things, from NYC buildings drawn from the point of view of the street to beautiful scenes from different cities that Bucky guessed Steve had seen during missions. But one in particular caught his eye, pinned carefully to the wall with a tack.

It was of Y/n from her shoulders up, her head slightly turned down. He found her face was quickly becoming a source of comfort. Just seeing her put him at ease and he'd only met her that day.

The picture gave him that same kind of feeling, the feeling that made his chest soft and his muscles relax. It was a way he had yet to see her, so peaceful and calm.

She was reading a book or maybe a magazine? Her eyes focused on the words but there was a daze behind them as if she were daydreaming. He wondered what she had been thinking about. Wondered why she no longer wore her hair like it was in the portrait. Or maybe she did and he hadn't seen it yet?

There were so many things he'd yet to know and a part of him was furious that he had missed all this time with her. He wanted to know her as well as Steve had, wanted to know everything that made her Y/n. He was furious with fate for stealing that from him.

"Here, these might be comfortable enough for sleepwear. But honestly none of Steve's clothes look very comfortable." Y/n spoke, sending a wary look toward Steve's closet where she'd just been.

"So, Steve lived here?" Bucky asked, under the impression that Steve was more of a frequent guest. Y/n tilted her head with a small nod, looking around at the room.

It had once been her office, the very office she used to hold her sessions in. But once branching out to old cafes, the room was often vacant. Thankfully that was around the time she met Steve and the room quickly found a new purpose.

"Yeah, I mean he still went to the compound sometimes but this was his home. He didn't pay rent but he helped out around the apartment, most of the time." Y/n shrugged, smirking slightly. "He had a thing about dishes." She spoke, raising a brow at Bucky as if he might have some sort of background on the interesting flaw.

"He used to say didn't like his fingers to get wrinkled but I always knew it was because soggy food made him sick." Bucky explained, smiling at the memory.

Never before had he met someone who knew Steve as well as he did. It had always been just them. And while he was gone it was just Y/n and Steve. Now they were desperately trying to piece themselves together. It was strange, finding someone exactly like him, yet so different.

"You know, for a guy who's seen so much violence, I didn't think that soggy food would be his Kryptonite." Y/n remarked, walking over to the bed and sitting on the side.

"Kryptonite?" Bucky asked, the word foreign to him. Was it like Vibranium?

Y/n paused. "Oh um. Superman? From the comics? He was still kind of new around your guy's time. 1938, I believe." She explained.

Bucky nodded softly, vague memories of Steve mentioning it to him resurfacing. "I remember seeing them but I never really read them." Bucky replied, watching as she adjusted her sling.

"Well, Superman's one weakness was Kryptonite. I guess Captain America's weakness is dishes." She chuckled, seemingly unaware of how distraught her condition made him.

A silence fell over them after that, nearly killing them both. It was almost annoying how badly their conversation flowed. The most at ease they'd felt with each other was when they first met. When they were in each other's arms. It took everything she had not to stand up and throw herself into him again.

"Well, I um, I'm going to um-..." Y/n mumbled, trying to dismiss the thought. Bucky nodded softly, shifting the clothes in his hands. A simple pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

"Yeah." He murmured, watching quietly as she stood making her way to the door.

There was a tension between them, the kind that made Bucky's heart clench and his brows furrow. Y/n could feel it too. But neither acted.

"Goodnight, Bucky." Y/n spoke barely above a whisper, the weight of the tension crashing down on her.

"Goodnight." He replied, his eyes trailing her until she disappeared down the hall.

The weight lifted as soon as she was gone but he soon found himself missing it. Why was talking to her so impossibly hard? He tried telling himself that with time things would get easier but time was the only thing he was no longer willing to give up. He needed to try something different.

Needed to reapproach the whole soulmate thing.

Part fifteen

Taglist:

@jessyballet

@eldahae

@kissesofdeadforme

@wantingtobekorra

@sxphiiwrld

@lunaticbarnes

@indecisivedolly

@saiyanprincessswanie

@whatifwedo

@arguedquill1226

@lunashaw57

@3aileypage

@mela-noche

@homosexual-having-tea

@steve-rogcrs

@yayrainday

@buckybarnesdevotee

Sorry for such a delayed update, I've been so busy lately but I hope to start updating regularly again! Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!!

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kanmom51 · 3 years

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Tbh i think jimin and RM , was the two only members who's grown up in a liberal household, now let's star with jimin, i think he did grow up in a very liberal household (and it's not because of the way he acts, dresses, talk, etc...), Because of that interview where Tae says "I think he likes men" and he answers "i don't like you", to me this is the best example of him being liberal and the fact that he was quite young when said that show that this is something that he's not ashamed about and that's been taught to him since he was young.

Now with RM i think it's not really about the household, it's about what he's grown up watching , he said many times he's watched FRIENDS to learn English, if you watched friend you know they mention the word GAY many times and Chandler's dad is a part of the community himself wich has led Chandler to have doubts about his sexuality himself:https://youtu.be/2xcWYu18a-w https://youtu.be/M1EOcEX9wqk

So I think that's why he supports it a lot (and also his parents knew what was in those DVDs), and also we can't forget that tweet and 2013 where he openly says he supports it.

I wasn't gonna talk about JK but while writing this i thought I would so let's go.

I think JK did have some knowledge about what he liked since a very young age but he tried to get rid of it (If you're an LGBT, you know you can't get rid of it lol), and when jimin came along (keep in mind he was the last on to be called for BTS) jk felt something he tried to hide come back and that's why I think he did what he did with jimin (ignoring, lest raking, saying he should lose fat and among other Stuff), i really don't blame him for what he did, i just think he didn't know how do handle jimin's boldness, but with time he started to get used to it and eventually even loving it (flashback to that interview where he said his favorite thing about jimin was him being "shameless"), and whether he was raised or not in a liberal household, he became what he became regardless of anyone's opinion or wishes for him to be straight.

I don't really agree with you anon.

How the members are, their views, their actions even since 2014, you can't hang only on their upbringing, if it was liberal or not.

First of all, what is liberal? what level of liberal? You can come from a 'liberal' home but be totally ignorant about LGBTQ+. I came from a liberal home, where women's rights were a big thing, I was allowed to dress as I wanted, go out with whoever I wanted, but when it came to LGBTQ+, my parents views were very backwards. Til this day I have arguments with my dad about it.

So, liberal doesn't mean open to LGBTQ+.

Second, from around puberty/teenage years, we are influenced more by our environment/social circles than from our parents. At that age we tend to rebel and disconnect from them, looking to assert ourselves, find who we are, what our beliefs are, what we stand for. Many times it will be the absolute opposite to our parents, while others we will conform with their beliefs at the end. So, RM talking about LGBTQ+ support may come from seeing it/hearing about it from his environment, and not necessarily from home. Same as with JM, being strong and confident may stem from his upbringing, but his answer or lack of denial don't have to do with his family being liberal or accepting (especially when we look at when this interview took place).

Out of the lot, I think JK is the one that came from the more liberal household. His father and brother artists. He told us his parents story, how his father was younger than his mother and she is the one that made advances towards his father (I want to remind you they come from a very traditional hierarchical society, where women's rights are not a thing). He also told us how when growing up he could do anything he wanted, within moral limits.

With all that said, SK society is a very traditional society. LGBTQ+ is not something you will be exposed to on a daily basis, not on tv, not in the streets (where pda is unacceptable as a whole), not at school through education.

So, coming to terms with sexuality would be even harder, as it's not something you see in your surroundings as a possibility or as something acceptable. Being in the environment they were with the band, the K-pop world, music business, show business as a whole, they are more likely to make contact or gain awareness of the LGBTQ+ community. So, it's more likely that the openness and acceptance came from there, not from home to begin with.

I'm not saying JK wasn't aware of his feelings prior to joining BTS. We need to remember that he was very young, and even though there are many that KNOW or FEEL their sexual identity at a younger age, there are many that struggle, contemplate and outright deny or not realise it until later on. Being in a traditional society makes it harder to identify yourself and come to terms with it.

I keep saying I believe JK & JM are a couple, and I believe there was a change in JK's behaviour around end of 2014, but I cannot know or speculate what he felt or knew about himself or his feelings towards JM prior to that.

#anon #ask #Jungkook #JK #Jikook #Kookmin #RM #Jimin #JM

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zackmartin · 3 years

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do you mind me asking what's up with henry danger for you now? (no worries if not just wondered x)

Sorry it took me a hot minute to get to this, my chronic illness has been kicking my ass lately, so I don't really have the bandwidth at the present moment to give a fully detailed explanation as to why I don't look back on HD fondly, but there's still a few big reasons I can give you regardless.

A lot of it started before the show ever ended, I just didn't like the direction it was headed and I didn't like the storylines they were doing (there's still many from the back half of season 4 that make my blood boil) but I honestly thought season 4 would be the end so I stuck with it, and I know if I hadn't learned season 5 was the final season, I would've quit. One really big main issue I have is the way Charlotte was constantly mistreated (and you have to keep in mind the context that she's not only the only main character of color, but she's also a woman of color). Like, the boys would come up with some dumbass plan, she'd very gently say "hey, maybe this isn't the best idea, maybe we should rethink this", they'd jump down her throat and call her a "buzzkill" and a "funkiller" or what have you and go along with the plan anyway, it'd blow up in their faces just like she predicted, and than they'd come back and blame her for it by saying some shit like "well, why didn't you say anything?!" or some BS like that and this became such a common occurrence that it was a running gag on the show. And it's not even like that group of grown ass adults running that show could pretend to plead ignorance like they didn't know what they were doing, because they legit referenced it in an episode in s5 when they go to an alternate dimension, and the alternate dimension versions of the main characters are appalled none of them listen to Charlotte, pointing out that she's smart and wise and all that jazz.

And to make matters so much worse, they turn around and do that to Mika in the literal third episode of Danger Force. Like, the whole episode she's trying to tell them a plan she has, Ray keeps talking over her, she goes through with it anyway, it works, and then they're just like "oh the universe presented us with an answer :)" and she tries several times to say "no, that was me!" but they ignore her and talk over her. That was literally the nail in the coffin for me, I had so much excitement for DF but they did that and i haven't watched it since. I'm considering picking it up again since i still have a few friends that watch it, but it feels more like a chore at this point.

But, back to HD. You also kinda have to wonder why Charlotte was the only main character that didn't have any type of romantic storyline until the very end. 🤔 Like, even Piper, (you know the one that started the show as a whole nine years old), had two (2) crush/date-type storylines before Char did. and while I'm on the subject of that, they hyped up Chenry (Charlotte/Henry) for YEARS with constant promos, youtube videos, even the producers and crew dropping little hints and shit on twitter/insta, something that was enough to get the fans excited and hopeful but not enough to be considered confirmation. Like, I suppose you could just count that as a personal issue for me, but them constantly getting everyone excited when they knew they weren't going to do anything with it leaves a bad taste in my mouth (especially since it would've been really cool to have the black girl get to be a love interest added in with the fact that it would've been an interracial couple.)

And on top of that, they did give her a date episode i n the very last season, but her date was a B-plot to the boy’s dumbass shenanigans iirc, and her famous boyfriend was someone she had apparently been dating for a long time but there was literally never a single mention of him before or after that point. Like, it very much felt like they got to the very end of the series, suddenly realized Charlotte was the only one that never got a romantic storyline, so then they decided to shoehorn it in at the last minute (and it also felt like a way of putting the final nail in the coffin of chenry too, since fans were holding out hope for it until the very end)

Also, Ray just becomes insufferable the farther into the show you get. Like, granted he was always sorta shitty, throwing a 13 year old into the crime-fighting world with no training and then berating him when he can't balance his new job with school right off the bat, but he just gets worse and worse as the seasons go by. He very deliberately sneezed in charlotte's face, he abused his power as Captain Man to get Piper to snap (it should be noted that at that point, she was president of the captain man fanclub, a fact Ray very much knew) and get angry when she was going to anger management classes because he told Henry they didn't work and made a bet with him that he could get her to crack (so literally, a grown ass man trying to undo the work of a literal child trying to better herself just to win a dumbass bet he started), he was obsessed with Henry's mom to a gross and creepy degree, he constantly mistreats/abuses Schwoz, he was always rude to Jasper even though Jasper idolized him, there was an episode where he tried to charge people for saving them and then when they couldn't/wouldn't pay, he tried to put them back into whatever dangerous situation they were in like,,,,, i could sit here all day and give you a million reasons why Rat Manchild is the absolute worst but I aint got the time

(he's the other reason I'm avoiding DF. Like, I love the DF kids to death, but I already watched him fuck up and abuse one set of kids)

And the icing on the cake of all this is that, right after the show ended, the guy that plays Henry and the guy that plays Jasper decided to show their whole asses by pretty much revealing they're tr*mp supporting shitty people and I've cut off immediate family members for that shit, so that was enough to make me be done with the whole thing

#asks #anon asks #like honestly I almost gave up my big HD wip after all this but #I poured my heart and soul (and now several years) into it #and i know it's probably a part of my privilege that I can even look at this way but like #I already allowed them to pretty much ruin HD for me so allowing them to also ruin my favorite WIP felt like I was letting them win?#so I haven't given it up yet but. I wouldn't do anything HD related now if it was stand-alone #also like. a part of me will always be grateful that that show brought me some of my best friends ever but #I don't credit the show for that it's just lucky it happened. and the memories of liveblogging and stuff #I'll look back at those fondly but the rest. no thanks #like there are certain episodes I still think are funny and I like but as a whole? not a fan

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liljungie · 4 years

Text

Young Blood | Mafia AU

▸Pairing : Jimin ↮ Reader ↮ Taehyung.

▸ ！warnings！= !mentions of domestic violence!

▸Word count: 3k

▸ Part three : ❝ Ties that bind ❞

▸Masterlist

A/N: can you Please leave me kind messages? I really need it rn...LITERALLY anything.

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You step aside after opening the door for jimin who carefully places your daughter in her carseat."You know where to find me if you change your mind" jimin tells you walking back to the apartment complex leaving you alone with your racing mind without sparing you a glance. You refused his offer. The risk is high and you didn't want to put your daughter's life on the line so you turned jimin down.

You shut the door a bit louder than you intended out of frustration and made your way to the other side of the car to start driving home.

Your phone battery died a long time ago and you started to prepare yourself mentally for taehyung's fight match. But it was only 1 am you doubt that he'll be home this early. Regardless you knew an argument is going to happen because you didn't pick up any of his calls. Although it made you wonder why his guards didn't bust thorough jimin's apartment you had Luna's tracking device on her so surely it altered taehyung on her whereabouts...but maybe that's why he didn't came in like a hurricane.

You reached for the tracking device in the back carefully taking it out of Luna's front pocket to your sheer horror the device battery was dead. You curse under your breath tossing it at the backseat out of anger. Nothing seems to go how you want it to and it was so frustrating. Your driving pace picked up and you were out of the crowded city in a blink of an eye.

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Carrying Luna in one hand and opening the door with the other was a task you couldn't master. Eventually the door opened you didn't know if it was for how you cursed at it or because you kept jamming in the key hoping it works. but it was finally open.

You gently lay her down on her little bed, you take off her shoes and pull the covers tucking her in. You shut her bedroom door and sigh of relief that she didn't wake up at all.

Your little one was getting so big that you were craving a glass of water after carrying her. So you made your way to the kitchen but your walking came to a halt when you saw your husband casually sitting on the couch that faced the staircase. "Welcome home...took you long enough" taehyung remarks you sigh walking down the last few steps that were left. "Taehyung please luna is sleeping let's not do this" you tell him begging him with your eyes that he doesn't start a riot at this hour of the night.

"Where were you and why the fuck is your tracking device still here when you're out God knows where!" He yelled taking you by surprise as he stood up from the seat towering over you with a death stare.

"Relax...we came back in one piece there's no need for any of this" you say walking past him to the kitchen to have that glass of water however he yanks you so you're facing him again "weren't you the one who was afraid of something bad happening and what do you do? You go without the one thing that could bring you back!" He shouts "tell me how the hell am I supposed to know where you or my baby are if something were to happen!" You pull your arm away from his grip "nothing happened so chill out!" You roll your eyes trying to walk away from him "for the record I took Luna's tracking device" you reassure as you fill up the glass with water. You could see steam coming out of his ears. Taehyung was livid "then why the fuck don't I see it on here huh?" He points to his smart watch that he tracks the devices from.

Crap it completely slipped from your mind you swallow the lump in your throat "the battery died" you bite your lip. If taehyung was mad a minute ago now he'll skin you alive. He takes the glass from your hand slamming it in the sink "are you out of your damn mind!" He walks forward and you walk backwards afraid of colliding with him. "What if you or our fucking girl gets kidnapped huh?!...what the fuck will I do then? You'll blame me for it you'll say that I didn't protect her you'll hate me for not being a good fucking father you'll curse me for losing our child you'll blame me for everything! When it's your fucking fault" he snaps you avoid looking in his eyes "I won't blame you for anything! we were just in the city...it's not far away I'm just as careful as you are over her..trust me" you tell him softly.

"What were you doing in the city? for fuck's sake that's where all the other gangs hideouts are" he groans walking away from you while rubbing his temples, you were giving him all different types of headaches...new ones that got on every nerve of his. Deep down you'll admit you were so dumb for not charging Luna's tracking device you didn't know what you'll do with yourself if something happened to her because of your mind slipping.

"Would you Please stop...I went to visit a friend-" you hesitate to speak but you knew taehyung won't get off your back until he's satisfied with an answer "a friend?" He raises his eyebrow tapping his bottom lip with his pointer finger, he sighs while brushing his hair back "a friend?!" He laughs "you're supposed to be dead to them! What fucking friend!" He yells not believing how naively you were acting. Risking your and your daughter's life for seeing 'a friend'.

"It's jimin" you say his eyes snap back up when he hears jimin's name roll out of your mouth "Luna wanted to see jimin so I took her to h-" he cuts you off "bullshit!" He graps you by your throat slamming you against the wall. You shudder at the suddenness as you choke on your breath. "Tell me what's going on between you and Jimin and this is the last time I ask nicely!" He shouts you squirm in your spot "n-nothing!" He pulls you forward only to slam you against the wall again and you let out a cry "I said tell me!" His voice booms through the mansion making the hair on your body stand.

His grip on your neck was suffocating that your eyes started to roll to the back of your head, you could see death standing behind taehyung's back, lurking.

You found little strength left in you and started to hit taehyung's hand hoping that your punches were strong enough to knock his arm off of you. Tears roll down your cheeks you eyes were going to pop out of their sockets every little vain in them was burning red that taehyung himself saw how your eyes was gonna lose their light if he held you the way he's holding you a minute longer. For a brief second he didn't want to let go "Daddy you're killing her!" A little voice shouted.

Both of your heads turned towards a sobbing Luna standing on the staircase holding out her little arms. Something in taehyung snaps and he pulls away from you too quick that you fall to the floor dying to breathe Luna runs to you crying and whimpering. She calls out your name softly while holding your head in her lap as she wipes away your tears. "Mommy don't leave me please mommy wake up please-" she cries louder when you don't reply to her.

the wind returns to your lungs and you hug your daughter as you cry in her lap and she cradles you in her arms crying with you but of relief.

On the other hand Taehyung never hated himself as much as he do now, seeing his daughter and you in that state, the guilt was eating him up so painfully that he couldn't stay here to hear your sobs or how Luna as little as she is tell you that it'll be okay. She's too young to witness all of this. The last thing taehyung wanted is for his children to live how he lived. In an environment like this. Watching his parents fight and hurt each other and hurting others not to mention running a mafia gang to top it all off. It's all apart of taehyung now it's his roots and it's who he is Although he doesn't want Luna to grow up and be exactly like...him.

After taehyung was out of sight you sat up cradling your daughter in your arms as you wipe away your tears and trying to calm Luna down her sniffles were tugging on your heart strings and it just hurt you a lot you kissed the top of her head while getting up and started walking towards her room you made sure to lock the door then you got in and cuddled with Luna in her tiny bed drifting off to sleep. Hoping to God that you don't relive what you just went through in your dreams.

When your eyes flutter open again the sun was shining through the big window, it was quite and peaceful Luna's short breaths were the only sound you heard along with the chirping birds outside...you wished it was always this peaceful. Just you and your babygirl. No taehyung no mafia no father in law trying to kidnap your baby and no long lost love that was still hanging in the air not knowing if you should follow it or let go. Seems like you were chasing the clouds.

You got up and walked to the little dresser, taehyung's grip colored your skin with deep purple and blue marks you winced when you traced them gently you sigh as you look away from your reflection. Too ashamed to look at who you've become.

Weak. Miserable. You became your worst nightmare and that's when you started crying again. You place your hands on your mouth to muffle the sound of your cries. This is not how you imagined your life would be. This is not the life you worked so hard for. This is not the life you deserved. But then again...you killed. You tortured people you hunted down groups and ambushed places and spilled blood like it was water... like the people you killed didn't have a family waiting for them to come back home,maybe this was your karma. For all your wrong doings.

But no human could ever bare such burdens. You knew that if you kept suppressing all that hurt all that anger all that sadness all that pain you'd never survive long enough to see Luna's prom dress...hell you weren't sure if you'll be there for when she starts going to school with taehyung's behavior and your relationship with him ripping in sherds and taehyung is catching up with you and jimin...everything is starting to crumble beneath your feet and all you're able to do is sit back and watch.

You couldn't fight back, there's nothing left for you...you care about and love Luna but you're not being a good mother to her or so that's what you're starting to think. You deserved what taehyung did to you last night. how could you forget to charge her tracking device! Why were you that reckless in the first place? is getting to jimin was all that was on your mind? That everything else didn't matter... what would you do if you returned and she wasn't with jimin?

You shake your head when you hear Luna walking around in the room. You need to be strong...just a little longer until you find a way out...an escape...a golden ticket to freedom. For you and your daughter and if you couldn't escape you wanted to save her. You want her to live a peaceful life you want her to marry a man or a woman she's in love with. you want a normal job for her a job that doesn't involve killing and stealing and being the dirts of the earth.

The one thing that you did right was having her. And you're not planning on ruining it.

You splash your face with cold water and head towards your sleepy baby you pick her up and place her in your lap. Brushing her hair behind her ears "good morning princess" you tell her softly kissing her chubby cheeks "mornin mommy" she says in pout making you hold her tighter in your arms. "My cutie...how did I get so lucky!" You kiss her cheeks and forehead and anywhere you can as she giggles in your arms and squirms..her laughter was music to your ears. You felt much better after hearing her laugh and seeing her smile. After last night...the way she was crying made your heart bend and break.

"Don't you want breakfast?" You ask her. She nods furiously "please...I want froothoops" she tells you "frootloops?" You ask giggling "yea that!" She smiles you laugh "let's go prepare it then yeah?" You place her on the ground and she runs to the door waiting for you to unlock it you smile and do so and watch her run infront of you. Too excited to have breakfast. Oh how you miss the day where your biggest problem was what to eat for breakfast...

You pour the milk in and Luna insists that she's a big girl now and can pour the cereal without spilling it all over the kitchen island and you agree after a lot of begging of course. She actually pours it in the plate and not twenty feet away from it. You smile proudly at her and praise her then you place her in her baby chair and go over to start the coffee machine.

While the coffee is brewing and Luna is too busy on her learning apps you hit the call button pressing the phone to your ear.

"Hello?"

"...is the offer still available?"

"What offer?..."

"Jimin...let's runway...you , me and Luna"

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haikyuu-imagines-and-others · 7 years

Note

Kageyama angsty scenario?? Don't really mind what it is, Thank youuu

This is in relation to the domestic request I just posted! I hope you all really like it! Thanks for requesting! - Admin Satori

Kageyama Tobio

Your husband had always been a ‘hands on’ type of man. Always involved in whatever he was passionate about. Before you came along, he’d been focused solely on his volleyball career. Being a national setter for Japan, he didn’t really have too much time for anything other than volleyball, eating, and sleeping.

But that changed when he met you. He’d injured his knee when receiving a ball, injured it so badly that he’d needed physical therapy to fix it. That’s where you’d come into his life. The person to get him back in the game, helping him whenever he fell, wiping his tears every time he felt like he was failing his team by taking time for physical therapy instead of setting for their practices. No one blamed him, of course. No one thought this was his fault, that he’d planned the whole thing to get hurt. But his weakness, his feeling of failure had given you the chance to see the real Kageyama, see him for who he was and be able to help heal him in all the ways he needed. While he’d had Hinata as a best friend, the bright sunny boy chasing away most of Kageyama’s clouds, it was still an overcast sky in his world. But you’d fixed that. You’d fixed his knee, you’d fixed his heart, you filled his life with joy and confidence to be the best he could be.

You’d gotten pregnant with your daughter, Hitomi, while helping him through his physical therapy. Of course, this caused your license to be revoked at the big reveal, but you could live with it; because the moment you told Kageyama, he’d accepted you. He’d been ecstatic. Excited for the future he had with you. You’d been a few months pregnant when he’d asked you to be his wife, and you said yes without any hesitation.

But the pregnancy had been hard. Hard on your body, hard on your immune system. It was almost as if it were a warning of sorts, telling you ‘you’re not supposed to be pregnant’ ‘your body can’t handle it’. And for a long time during the beginning, you were scared you’d miscarry, have to give up your life so soon after he’d graced you with his presence. But the pregnancy stuck. You were a fighter, and you were elated that your baby was, too. Kageyama was the most doting husband, a proud father before he knew what the baby would be capable of doing. At the news of your sickness, he waited on you hand and foot, just as you had during his physical therapy sessions. He’d run your errands, he’d set up get togethers with your friends, he’d carry you when you became too weak to move on your own.

He was worried. Terrified. Something was wrong, something bad was going to happen. He was going to lose the one person he’d ever opened up to 100%. He was going to lose the one woman he loved more than volleyball. He was going to lose the baby. Everyday, you got sicker, and everyday he wondered: Is this it? Is it the end? Do I have to go back to how I was? Will the clouds roll back in?

Finally, thank the lord, finally, the day came when you went into labor, and a little stress of losing the baby was lifted from Kageyama’s shoulders, but now came the scary part of birth. He’d rushed you to the hospital, and the doctors insisted on doing a C-section as there were some complications with the way your body was structured. You’d both agreed wholeheartedly, wanting the baby to come out safe and healthy.

Kageyama refused to leave your side throughout the surgery, holding your hand as you faded in and out of consciousness. You’d tried to comfort him as best you could, but you knew there was nothing you could say at a time like that. He was scared he’d lose you, he’d lose the baby, he’d lose his life.

But come the next morning, Hitomi graced the earth with her first cries, and you and Kageyama were announced parents of a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. While at the hospital, the doctors warned you and your husband about the dangers of you getting pregnant in the future; In fact, they advise you against the concept completely. Your body wasn’t meant for the burdens of childbirth, the addition of a growing body inside you had caused your immune system to plummet to dangerous levels - not only putting your life in danger, but the life of any possible future children.

Depression creeped into your heart, your dreams of a large family dashed right before your eyes. You focused all your attention on raising Hitomi, making sure she knew that life was a gift for everyone, to not take anything for granted regardless how small and insignificant it may seem. Kageyama, too, focused his attention on his family, putting volleyball on the back burner so long you were afraid he’d be kicked off the team. When Hitomi turned one, you practically begged Kageyama to go back to work, you couldn’t think about moving on with only one child while he was strutting around the house with his daughter in his arms, showing her off to anyone who cooed her way. You wanted to give him so much more, so many more babies. All the babies he could ever dream of, but you were physically incapable. And it was a mother’s duty to protect her children, however unborn they may be.

Kageyama could sense your frustration, your heartache, and rather than approaching you and comforting you, talking you through your grief, he did as you requested and adjusted his focus so he was at work more often. He couldn’t count how many times Hinata would practically beg the setter to go home, be with his family, raise Hitomi right, be with you through your hard times. Hinata had his own family, but his wife was completely healthy throughout her pregnancies, giving birth was a breeze for her, and Kageyama couldn’t help but feel a dark hatred entangle his heart whenever he saw the sunny man. What kind of God would dictate who could have children and who couldn’t so unfairly?

Winter came, and you fell ill, Hitomi as healthy as ever while you lay bedridden. Kageyama was forced to be home more often since you were now unable to properly care for his daughter. But when he was home, it was as if you two were strangers, sharing a child together almost meant nothing for the both of you. Just two people who shared a home, shared a bed, shared a child, and yet… Never spoke to each other….

Until you’d gained enough strength to pack your bags, tucking Hitomi in her baby carrier and about to leave everything you’d built with him. But he’d come home early that day, feeling something wrong, something off, in his chest, in his heart. Coming home to find you ready to leave without so much as a goodbye note… He’d never been more livid in his life. He saw red that night.

The two of you had never argued. Never so much as a petty passing of sass in all of your relationship. But that night will forever be engrained in your memory. Your husband had a backbone. He wasn’t about to roll over and let you walk out of his life. Especially not with his daughter. He’d taken Hitomi back to her crib, tucking her in before rushing back to the front door, grabbing you by your wrist and pulling you back into the house, demanding you tell him what you were thinking. But being you, being how deep in your darkness you were, you only brushed him off, acting like you didn’t know what he was talking about. But he kept pushing you to talk, asking you what he’d done wrong, why you were trying to leave him, what he’d ever done to push you away from him so badly you were ready to leave that night. And finally you’d broke.

“I can’t give you a family, Tobio.”

But what were you thinking? You had given him a family. Hitomi. You. You two were his family. And he said as much and more, pouring his heart out to you, telling you how much he loved you and your daughter, begging you to stay with him, but understanding if you still wanted to leave.

And while it wasn’t advised, you two made love that night. Amazing, emotional, make up sex that made your toes curl and your back arch. You were sure his back would forever bear your scratch marks. And the following morning you were surprised Hitomi didn’t wake up from the sound of you two.

The sickness came soon after that night, and you had a hard lump in your throat, knowing exactly what this sickness meant for you and Kageyama. You were scared to tell him, you were barely strong enough to even check if your suspicions were correct, but you’d slipped up. And everyday since you felt your heart break a little more, dreading each day a little more than the last, but feeling your heart swell with every sign of life your belly was showing, feeling it warm and heal every time Kageyama’s hand rubbed your belly. Little kicks started making themselves known, and you would caress your belly lovingly, keeping yourself nourished as best as you could, praying to keep anything down long enough for the baby to be healthy.

Being bedridden, pregnant and sore, sickness riddling your body and making you restless, was making you go crazy. You’d snuck out of bed one night, leaving your husband to his dream. You’d just wanted a glass of water. You’d just wanted to stretch your legs a little bit. Just wanted to walk around and remember what it felt like to be at equilibrium.

But you’d miscalculated how sick you were, and you passed out before you could reach the bedroom doorway.

Rushing to the hospital at 3 in the morning was never a fun event. Especially when it concerned your wellbeing and the wellbeing of the baby inside you. When he’d heard the sound of something falling to the floor, Kageyama had woken up with a fright, reaching over to lay an arm over your body as a way of protection. But you hadn’t been in the bed next to him. By the time he’d realized you were what fell, you’d gone into premature labor. He quickly rushed you to the car, running back in the house to get Hitomi before speeding his way to the hospital, trying to wake you the whole time. Calling you to wake up, begging you to open your eyes, to stop playing around, don’t joke with him like this.

He’d left the car running, holding Hitomi to his chest as he rushed into the emergency room, “Someone! Please! Help! My wife! She’s not waking up!” He yelled, getting any nurse he could find to follow him to his car, watching as they pulled you onto a stretcher and wheeled you into the emergency room. He rushed after them, easily looking over their heads to see if you’d open your eyes, see if you’d come to, anything. But they held him off from entering the operation room, and he felt anxiety eating at his heart. He held Hitomi close to his chest, needing to remind himself that his daughter needed him to keep his head right now. This was no time to go completely insane.

Pacing was all he could do while he waited to hear something. Some news. Some announcement. Something. Anything.

…

This wasn’t what he’d wanted. Anything but this.

“Kageyama-san… You need to make a decision. We need to know what we are to do if the circumstances call for drastic measures.” The doctor urged Kageyama, needing him to answer quickly so they could continue with their operation on you.

No. No… Not this…

“We need to know…”

Kageyama blinked and looked down at his daughter sleeping peacefully in his arms before looking up at the doctor, his expression lost. How could he make such a decision. Without your input. “What?” He asked, understanding what they were asking, but not being able to completely connect what was needed from him.

“We need your permission to save the baby if your wife is beyond our help.”

#admin Satori #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! scenario #angst #kageyama tobio #buy me a coffee #buy me a kofi

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oumakokichi · 7 years

Note

You know, speaking of, I don't think I've ever read your thoughts on Mitarai in detail. Especially in comparison to Saihara, to whom Mitarai almost seems like a prototype of in some ways.

As much of a mess as dr3 was, I came out of it likingMitarai quite a lot, actually. More than I thought I would at first, for sure.While the anime was airing in its earlier stages, I saw quite a lot of hype forhim, but I wasn’t sure what to expect from him, really. He was there in most episodes, especially inFuture Arc (and later on became much more prevalent in Despair Arc)… but hedidn’t really do a lot early on.

Then the more things progressed, the more he started lookingextremely suspicious, and the more interested I became. And when it turned outhe made Super Big Mistakes™ and started showing a lot of his flaws, that’s whenI realized he was actually one of the better-written characters in the anime,and I wound up really liking him.

I think you’re exactly right in calling him a prototype forSaihara. Both of them deal with things like depression and debilitating socialanxiety, and both of them harbor a good amount of self-loathing for their ownweakness. Their inability to stand and face things leaves them feeling helplessand isolated, especially from those “stronger” than them who they perceive asbeing unable to understand or connect to their problems as a “weaker” person.

Like Saihara, Mitarai feels that his only use is through histalent. But where Saihara’s talent is one responsive to a situation, somethingthat’s “only useful after tragedy has already struck,” Mitarai’s entireambition was to use his talent to its fullest potential. In fact, describinghim as a “Saihara prototype but with 100% more ambition” might be a good way toput it, because it’s Mitarai’s ambition that drives him to work himself to thebone, as well as what allows Junko to take advantage of him so badly later on.

Mitarai’s desire to “change the world through anime” is somewhatinteresting to look back on after playing ndrv3, especially because of thewhole “fiction can change the world theme.” It would be very interesting to seehim actually put in an ndrv3-like scenario, and if there had been actualinteractions between the dr3 characters and other characters in the ndrv3 bonusmode, I wouldn’t have minded seeing some kind of interaction between him andTsumugi, preferably.

He and Tsumugi are also interesting parallels of oneanother, because they both resort to the “unhealthily coping through fiction”tactic, but in drastically different ways. And where Mitarai is clumsy andsocially awkward, he’s still a caring, empathetic person at heart. He avoidedcoming to class and getting to know the other sdr2 characters because he wasafraid that it would be a “distraction” from his work; in other words, he wasworried that he’d get too attached. Tsumugi meanwhile is someone who considersherself a true observer. She doesn’t need to worry about getting attachedbecause she fundamentally lacks empathy for her classmates from the start. Bothof them want to “only live in a fictional world,” but the way they regardothers is incredibly different.

Mitarai’s attempts to withdraw and isolate himself fromeverything around him and throw himself singlemindedly into his work aresimultaneously really sad, because it’s what prevented him from ever reallymaking friends or growing attached to people, but also impressive. It’s thatdedication towards his work that prevented him from giving up completely.

If it weren’t for that, he would’ve probably given upentirely when Junko pushed him to the edge of despair—and that was such a greatscene, because it was one of the few glimpses dr3 gave us of what Junko coulddo with just a few words and her analytical talent as opposed to brainwashingthem. Mitarai’s ambition and willpower (and, well, the fact that he knew howthe brainwashing worked in the first place) were the only reasons he didn’t everfully despair when countless others who were stronger or smarter than him did.

I liked that the anime questioned more of his motivationsand objectives the longer it went on. While he started out seeming fairlysympathetic as a character (moreso after standing in for Asahina and gettingpunched by Juzo pretty much right off the bat), dr3 also didn’t shy away fromgiving us hints and clues that he was deeply tied to everything that hadhappened at Hope’s Peak Academy. His run-in with Junko about midway throughDespair Arc then flat-out confirmed it. Thus, we were able to start seeingMitarai from the perspective of someone who didn’t seem to be pulling thestrings exactly, but who was also clearly hiding secrets. On top of that, heseemed exhausted, defensive, and clearly jealous of characters like Naegi whohad the “strength” to stand up to Junko and stop her.

Hope Arc was quite a mess in many ways—hell, the wholeTengan twist was pretty much a huge trainwreck. But one part I did like quite alot was the final scene between Mitarai, Naegi, and the sdr2 characters. Mitarai’sspeech to Naegi, his anger and frustration that Naegi simply couldn’tunderstand with him or connect with him because he was never the kind of “weakperson” that Mitarai perceives himself to be, felt very real andunderstandable. I think he succeeded in calling out Naegi on “empty platitudes”in that one scene better than Munakata did in the entirety of Future Arc,because it’s true that it was a perfect example of Naegi trying to comfort andconsole someone without actually knowing anything about what Mitarai hadactually been through.

It’s a shame that dr3 handled the sdr2 characters so badlyand didn’t really flesh them out or explore their full potential, because thescene in which they appeared and Hinata began talking to Mitarai was actually really,really good. The idea of Mitarai only being willing to listen to people who hadalso done horrible things and were still striving to atone for their mistakes,of people who would probably never stop atoning but wanted to make amends anyway,was really excellent in concept. If dr3 had been a whole anime about… well,that kind of thing instead of the mess that we got, I think it would have gonea lot smoother.

But regardless of the bad parts of dr3 and the unfortunatecharacterization in some aspects, Mitarai was pretty consistently writtenthrough and through. Like Juzo, he was someone who contributed to the tragicevents that Junko put into motion, and also like Juzo, he blamed himselfimmensely and felt as though he had betrayed the people who should’ve been hisclassmates and friends. But because he was always, constantly running away (asJunko lampshades) he never got to know them, and he was incapable of stoppingthe events that occurred as a result of his talent.

Even his attempt to upload his “hope” brainwashingtechnology in order to eradicate “despair” was yet another means of runningaway from the situation. By crafting a world in which only hope existed, it wasthe equivalent to creating a world where “nothing bad happens” and where “everythingis peaceful”—in other words, something like a “fictional world.” I really amvery strongly reminded of ndrv3 when I think of it like that.

Much like Saihara, Mitarai’s awareness and resentmenttowards his own weakness is something I found relatable. I quite likecharacters who consider themselves “cowards” or feel that they’re “weak” or “lackingsomething,” but who nonetheless contribute to the narrative in other means. AndI also like characters who want to atone in some way or make amends for thepast, so I suppose that means Mitarai was bound to be right up my alley sooneror later.

Had he just stuck around to be cute and relatively harmless,I would have liked him well enough, but I don’t know that I would’ve gotten asattached to him as I am now. I wound up liking Mitarai much more when he woundup showing all his anger and bitterness and jealousy, because it humanized himand it showed that he was perfectly aware of his own shortcomings. He was, inmy opinion, one of the better new characters to come out of dr3 along with Juzo.

Thank you for asking, by the way! I haven’t really talkedabout Mitarai at all so this was fun to think about. He’s one of thosecharacters who (again, like Saihara) I like to make fun of pretty often becauseit’s just so easy, and the dr3 dub made it even easier, but he really is apretty good character.

#dangan ronpa #dangan ronpa 3 #dr3 #ryouta mitarai #mitarai ryouta #no spoilers for ndrv3 this time #just a few mentions about saihara but nothing spoilery since it all comes down to his talent as a detective #my meta #okay to reblog #zekefreek

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darthsuki · 7 years

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Hey dad, I've got a problem. I've known this friend of mine for years and we dated for a while but it didn't work out. I dated one other guy in the time where he and I didn't talk (I'm the anon that also talked about the admin whom we could call Daddy, if you remember) and now we're friends again. Our conversations usually end up with a lot of sexual tension and while I've decided that I don't love him anymore I still take advantage of the tension, if I can call it that. (1/?)

I still live with my parents and they’re on vacation this week so I told him I’d be cool with voice/video calls. Again this ended with sexual tension and we ended up doing some mutual masturbation (we were both reading doujinshi) and it was okay. We both weren’t noisy (but I did let out a lot of sighs especially during the end) so it almost felt like I was just masturbating alone. Now he knows I don’t love him and the chance of us getting together is p much zero but he still likes me. (2/?)

He doesn’t care what I want to do, he trusts me enough to do basically whatever. I know he’d never use anything against me if that makes sense. Now the worrying part. While we were chatting I had fun but I keep wondering if maybe I do like him, but I always come to the conclusion that I don’t. The other guy I dated (I’ll call him W) I know for sure that I loved him. I felt comfortable doing whatever with him and that we were a good couple (even tho I ended up being wrong in the end) (3/?)

With this friend (I’ll call him P) I know I can tell him anything but I don’t want to date him. He told me after last night that we don’t have to speak of it again if I didn’t want to, or could try again. Thing is, we were looking for a time where we could meet up again (since we’re long distance) but after overthinking a lot again last night I don’t wanna see him for a while. When I thought about dating him I just couldn’t see it. P’s romantic, but I don’t want to be part of it. (4/?)

With W, I could imagine us doing everything, to just normal couple stuff and anything on a sexual level (we had almost exactly the same kinks) but I just don’t even like imagining myself with P. With W I felt beautiful and happy and such, with P I guess it just feels more platonic than anything? I feel really bad “using” him to feel less lonely. W has a new gf and I’m happy for him because I still lowkey love him, but I feel that it’s unfair because I’m a great gal as well.(5/?)

My relationship with W was ldr so I never saw him outside of my phone’s screen. That’s why I tell people I haven’t ever been in a relationship. I see people around me dating and being happy and I love tumblr imagines but I get scared when thinking of dating. Like I’m not worth being loved, but I have a lot of love to give. I’m a little clingy, love romance (and my kinks) (6/?)

I’m a senior in high school this year and I’ve accepted I won’t get a good relationship until I go to college. I’m trying to lose weight to feel better about myself but I also know relationships aren’t everything. What I’m trying to ask is, what should I tell P? I don’t wanna hurt his feelings but I feel uncomfortable doing “couple things” with him. And should I be worried about a relationship? Tysm (7/7)

Long answer short: you should absolutely tell P that you do not feel the same way that he seems to feel for you. I have a very personal story about a similar relationship that I myself had in high school, which I look back on with some regret because I was too passive and didn’t communicate or work for what made me happy.

Longer answer under the cut bc it’s a bit long

I started dating someone in high school that I had a mutual friend with–for the most part, he was part of my friend group that sat together at lunch, hung out during in-school free time, ect. I was at a time in my life where I wanted to be in a relationship and utterly romanticized the idea without being very knowledgeable or experienced in myself or what I wanted (I was questioning my sexuality, gender, and a billion other things at the time). Though my ex at the time (lets call him R) was more or less a sweet guy, he was obviously very inexperienced and had way more romantic (or perhaps only sexual) feelings towards me. I wanted to be in a relationship and so I stayed with him, even though I eventually decided that my feelings for him were purely platonic. This became an increasing issue for me; it made me stressed and anxious, constantly second-guessing my own wants simply so that I didn’t upset anyone.

I was with R for a total of years, and while he was a good friend, he was definitely not someone I should have been dating, and not nearly for that long. Among problems that made it a bad romantic relationship, I simply didn’t share any romantic or sexual attraction to him, and almost got to the point where I told myself I was straight-up broken and that fictional relationships had ruined my ability to feel love for other people (a total cop-out excuse, but I nevertheless believed it). It wasn’t until shortly I graduated that I finally stood up for how I felt and told him that I didn’t share his romantic feelings and we broke up, but not without a shit-ton of guilt-tripping where he tried to convince me otherwise (keep in mind this was the SECOND break-up attempt, because the first time a year prior, he guilt-tripped me and won, furthering my self-doubt).

Because I didn’t prioritize my feelings over others, I was in a relationship for 3 years that I was absolutely unhappy with and, to some degree, felt extremely uncomfortable with. I like to blame that for my inexperience and lack of self-confidence at the time, along with the turmoil that came with trying to figure out my sexuality and gender in a very cisheteronormative home.

Always prioritize how you feel when it comes to any relationship–the moment you start to make excuses, that’s when its worth really flies out the window. You will definitely hurt yourself when you don’t remember to keep your wants and needs in the forefront of your mind, and I absolutely say that you need to tell P how you feel, regardless of how he’ll feel or take it. He is not entitled to your love, your feelings, your anything. A relationship is based on mutual respect, adoration, and a desire to encourage and help the other people involved in it. It is ALWAYS mutual.

If he can’t respect that you don’t share romantic or sexual feelings for him, if he can act like an adult and understand that no attraction is obligated to become something more, then you shouldn’t affiliate with him at all in all honesty.

On the same topic of relationships, I learned a bit of a hard way that you’re honestly better off looking for them once you’re out of high school. I know this can seem weird, but the romanticism of being in a relationship–especially when you’re younger/still in high school–can lead to a lot of inexperienced people hurting themselves and others because they don’t yet understand what they want out of a relationship.

It wasn’t until I got my feelings and self together that I was emotionally prepared to be in a relationship I would consider deep and fufilling in all honesty, and that’s the one that I’m currently in with my two partners. I’m gonna be 23 next month, if that’s any sense of an anchor-point for where you’re at. It’s nice to be in a relationship, I won’t deny that! It’s helped me learn even more things about myself in a healthy environment, such as me being trans and asexual, but it’s also because the people I’m with understand that we have to put our needs first and worth them out together.

As long as you stay safe, focus on your needs and desires, and work hard on being confident to stick to your guns to make sure that whatever relationship you may find yourself in is healthy and mutual, then you don’t have anything to worry about. Just enjoy life one day at a time as best as you can, and I’m always here if you ever need any other advice or help with something.

#sukirambles #sukianswers #Anonymous

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