#anger controlling them because they don’t know how to rely on anything else
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Mamas Boy off
#jason todd#red hood#dc#batman#jason todd fanart#robin dc#my art#zuko#atla#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla zuko#they r so similar#in some ways#anger controlling them because they don’t know how to rely on anything else#and when they did it ended in their demise#children born of war#wanting to prove themselves to their fathers#auch#fire#their love and kindness from their mother
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Is it okay if i request how yan!twisted wonderland characters act on how to handle f! Yuu when she got her period and practically in pain, i woild be happy too if you can do the teachers and staff but platonic yandere but if you don't want to it's fine
(This idea just comes to mind while i was in pain in my period right now, also sorry if my english not good)
Period Pain | Yandere Twisted Wonderland
Heartslabyul
Riddle Rosehearts
“What could constitute that you have to lay around all day!?”
*Whimper* “Becasue the pain is actually unbearable…”
“Oh…I didn’t realize you were suffering. Ace, Deuce, why didn’t you offer to help them before!?”
“But we just found out!”
“Quick, it is on the Queen’s orders that we care for our lov–I mean friends! Get them soup immediately!”
His various studies done in his childhood will probably include the female anatomy at one point
But he’s never witnessed it until now
And learning what your like during this time not only is this an awesome learning opportunity
(Which he’s telling if anyone asks)
But this is the perfect time to take care of you
And flex his husband bone a bit
Directing your friends and the students of Heartslabyul to help with various tasks you need to get done
He’s worried for you
More than usual
Treating it like a sickness if your debating if you should go to class
“I suggest that you take the day off! While I know more than anything that you don’t want to miss assignments but your health is of utmost importance.”
And if you do decide to stay
He’s checking on you after and in the middle of class
Often asking for your ratings of pain
When it comes to more comfort he’s hesitant
Mostly because he’ll burn up in a blush the moment he makes contact with you
Don’t even think about if you show your slightly upset with someone
It's not even in your control but Sam just so happens to run out of your preferred pain medication
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE'S NO MORE!!! WHAT KIND OF ESTABLISHMENT–!!!!”
Face redder than your blood
you can usually count on the dormleader’s anger scaring who ever bought the last pack into offering it for free as long as he doesn’t burn the building down
At the end of the day he’s pleased that he can provide for you…
“In the future…Let it be known that you can call me at any time. It’d be concerning if I couldn’t do this..”
Trey Clover
Probably informed by Ace complaining about your odd behavior he’s hurriedly rushing into action
Even though his sister is still young Trey is the type of guy to just know that this happens
Showing up with your favorite treats specially baked by him
“Figured you were feeling a little under the weather–so I brought some of your favorites.”
He’s not going to invite everyone to help him out like Riddle
Taking into account your integrity and privacy
He’ll keep it between the two of you
Heating pad, pain relief, tampons, pads he’s got it if he suspects you need it
Observing your behavior puts him ahead of everyone else
“It's alright (Y/n), you can rest on my shoulder. I’m sure its rough going through that by yourself.”
He offers himself as someone you can confide in especially more than usual
Willing to be a bit bolder the more you rely on him
He’s willing to give you a massage or to rub your tummy while you doze off
It gives him so much more leeway than his typical…drugging scheme plans
“There’s no need to worry (Y/n), I’ll be here for you the whole time.”
Cater Diamond
“Whoa this is like the worst thing ever, for you I mean!”
He gives you a hard time at first but ultimately he’s there to help
But don’t expect him not to document the whole thing
You can’t tell me Cater isn’t going to heavily allude on his socials that your dating
‘Going to buy painkillers for Pumpkin-bae’
If you at some point bring it up, he’ll just say that's a nickname he uses for you it doesn’t mean anything it does
He’s more than willing to rub your back and tummy
But beware should you find yourself sleeping off the pain he’s taking so many pictures
With no regard to the fact that you just feel your worst
he’s archiving and posting like this is Crewlchella
“Ah, isn't my babycakes the cutest!?”
Despite his willingness to share online all about you he’s hesitant to let the curious but helpful students in to help.
When he does he’s secretly mulling with a smile on his face
But believe him when he finds a way to casually dismiss everyone
Being sure to be your sole confidant at one point or another
“Well well aren’t you miss popular? No worries you’ve got me all to yourself and I’m definitely made of boyfriend-material!”
Deuce Spade
“Oh? Oh. OHhhh!”
Either you or one of his seniors is going to have to spell it out for him
And even when he gets it he still doesn’t understand
Acts like your bleeding out
Trying desperately to stop the internal bleeding that isn’t happening
“I-I got you ice! I hope this will help. Its what my mom would give me when I was in pain.”
He doesn’t understand your mood swings but he’s going to back you up nonetheless
Yelling at someone randomly he’s either hopping on your rage train or just standing out of your way
He’s really confused but he wants to help
And he’s willing to throw punches if it comes down to it
If you need something from him you’ll have to ask
He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed
“I’m here to help (Y/n), just tell me what you need!”
Ace Trappola
“Uhhh that's gross!”
“Ace!”
“Sorry sorry, fine we’ll help you.”
He’s willing to help if only to avoid your wrath
He starts acting fussy when Deuce or anyone else gets asked to help
Or when you flash a thankful look at anyone but him
That's when he starts really putting in the work
And that is truly what gets him motivated to help
Bragging rights and something to hold over you head
But when its boiled down to it and you two were all alone
He’d sigh before offering to rub anywhere in particular
His hands may wander but for the most part he’s there for that insatiably warm feeling that burns his insides when you genuinely thank him
“H-hey y-you know you owe me right? Okay, okay fine, you don’t but at least let me do this…it’d be a pain if you came out of this and thought I was a jerk right?”
SavannaClaw
Leona Kingscholar
“Don’t bleed all over my bed, herbivore!”
He probably knows it's here before you do
Groaning as he starts making preparations for you to keep laying in bed
Just because nature decided to beat you up doesn’t mean cuddling is going to stop
No no in fact it's going to increase because on the worse days your bed-ridden anyway
He’s hardly leaving your side but he’s not taking actual care of your needs
That's Ruggie’s job
But he’d be darned if he let your scent spur any of his students into insubordination
“She’s mine. If you really want to test that out I’m more than happy to leave you incapacitated for the rest of your life. Grr!”
He’s comforting in that he is a literal heater pack,
That holds you tight while wrapping his arms possessively around you
He makes a bigger deal of ‘hating’ it when your on your period
He doesn’t really care, blood isn’t going to stop him from having a good time~
He’s more annoyed with the fact that he has to relentlessly drown you in his scent so you don’t get unwanted trouble
He’s no doubt willing to personally bully whoever to get you your comfort foods
“C’mon herbivore be grateful I thought of you on the way over.”
Ruggie Bucci
“Eek! Already!?”
He does keep track though
He includes you in his monthly budget
Prepared to satiate whatever you may need during this time
Especially some painkillers that will help you cart through the day without him
He’s a busy hyena
He typically won’t be able to drop everything for you
But no doubt when the moment arises he’s got groceries and anything you need
“Take it easy (Y/n), you’ll be more able to score more deals if you're actually not fighting cramps. So just rest.”
He’s really respectful
And he may not have the luxury of staying over the whole time
But if not the night than the early morning
After all he has to take care of Leona
“Geez you’d think I should pay for my services with how often I’m doing this.”
“But you already do…”
“Then where's my paycheck?”
“Uh you get yours in hugs and kisses?”
“...okay with interest, right?”
Jack Howl
“I am prepared for this! Steel yourself (Y/n)! Hold out just a little bit longer.”
Once again may have picked up on it much sooner than you
Will be especially vigilant, fully taking the environment into account
He’s not going to scent you directly unless he outright asks
Otherwise major guard-dog energy
Such a cheerleader
He realizes there isn’t much he can do other than offer his body heat and general comfort
“So this is the true power of being a woman? Truly admirable!”
He’s getting whatever you need by any and all means necessary
That's his job as your mate
He must be your protector, your provider
“Leave it to me (Y/n)! I’m here for you. As I’ll always be.”
Octavinelle
Azul Ashengrotto
“I-i see uhm I’ll uh-help you with that. Contrary to belief I am prepared for this.”
He’s really not lying
Upping his own research about women and how to impress them
Left him with a quite a lot of knowledge about the female anatomy
He’s fretting all throughout the day as he prepares a little care package
His anxiety is on an all time high as he debates if he should give this to Jade to deliver
But true to nature he’ll laugh and come up with some arbitrary excuse
Forcing Azul to do it himself
Red in the face as he's stumbling over his words he’s truly not used to seeing you so vulnerable
But once he pushes down his initial embarrassment
He’s more than happy to do whatever you wish because he likes being useful to you
“Hey Azul can you pass me–”
“The heating pad? Already have it.”
“Oh thanks!”
“/////”
He does get a little concerned when others help more than him
So he might just buy or threaten for whatever someone is bringing you so that he can officially hand it to you himself
“Just know I’m more than capable of doing this and so much more. S-so be at ease around me okay?”
Jade Leech
”Oh my! Well I guess it is that time after all.”
Pretends this is a surprise when he finds you hunched over somewhere
He totally keeps track
But he thinks it's amusing to see you struggle with handling your mood and dealing with the cramps
He’s helping all the while
With front row seats to your most vulnerable moments
He’s enjoying it until he’s pulled away or you begin relying on everyone else
Working in the Monstro Lounge during your week of pain has him stinking up the place with his terrible mood
Bordering Floyd levels of strangulation encounters
he’s relentlessly trying to burn off his explosive anger from being away from you during this time
Call him instinctually motivated but the moment he gets the chance he slinking back to your side
“Don’t stop me from going to them…otherwise I will stay…and see exactly how fragile your ribcage is.”
Floyd Leech
“And you’ll just be laying around because of cramps? That sounds boring!”
He’s not much help in the realm of comfort
Unless your yelling at him during a particularly intense pain cycle
He’s not going to do anything
But he is in a bad mood
“My shrimpy won’t talk to me…They’re in such a bad mood…it puts me in a bad mood!”
Watch out without you there to maintain some semblance of balance he’s practically on a rampage
No one is safe
And in that mentality everyone is catering to you so you can entertain him for a short awhile
He won’t completely abandon you if you very seriously explain or your crying from the pain/frustration
“Shrimpy…you're really hurting aren’t you?”
Only for you
Only for you will he settle himself down to cuddle you
Holding you tight against him
No one will bear witness
And if they do they will wish they hadn’t
“It's not so boring laying with my shrimpy…and it certainly won’t be boring when you’re not breathing.”
Scarabia
Jamil Viper
“I have just the recipe for this.”
He’s a caretaker
Has been all his life so this is no hard feat
Although he’s not used to caring for a girl on her cycle
he's still one of the best
He’s cooking for you, giving you a heating pad, massaging you if you’ll allow it
He’s more than willing after all you’ve done so much for him
Yes, he’ll have to juggle Kalim but he can handle that just fine
This is you and he actually doesn’t mind caring for you
Afterall it further proves how capable of a man he can be for you
“I’m here for you, (Y/n). Obviously It’d be most convenient if you just married me.”
Kalim Al Asim
“Oh my gosh are you bleeding!? We have to call the teachers!”
Jamil has to sit him down and explain it to him
And even then he still has a hard time grasping it
But he’s more than willing to drop everything to provide whatever help he can
Which is mostly just Jamil actually relieving your discomfort
His way of helping is just buying the highest products
And then trying to somehow “Party up” your period
“Hey (Y/n)! Let’s try playing a game to distract from the pain!”
“Ugghhhhh.”
“Great!”
He’s really trying
And even when you or Jamil kick him out for awhile
He feels the pressure of how many others are successfully helping you
And decides he needs to get better
Or at least have a better understanding
So he will ask you about your ailment
Lending a listening ear whenever you want to ramble, rant, or complain
“Tell me all of it (Y/n). I can’t ever get tired of you.”
Pomfieore
Vil Schoenheit
“Oh dear…well I guess it can’t be helped.”
He was aware that this time would come
And while he’s not usually one to indulge in endless cuddling he will do it if only to satisfy you and him too
Already there with the best products
Heating pads, painkillers, and whatever high quality products that will come on short notice
He is definitely verbally bullying who ever came to help
He might insist on putting make up on you if your not a fan of it
What are you going to do, when you’re busy curled up in pain
If you try to get him to go away or not see you because he is a supermodel celebrity
He’s shutting that down real quick
“Don’t think I’d let you rely on some potato when I’m the one who cares.”
Rook Hunt
“Right on schedule madamoiselle!”
Totally kept track and if you didn’t come open the door he let himself in
He’s actually really amicable with anyone who wants to help
Saying ‘it's a beautiful display of friendship and love for Madamesoile Trickster'
Comfort food? he’ll get it
Massage? He’ll do it
Pain Relief….the natural way? PLEASE LET HIM
“Blood is not deterrent for me, muya lyubov.”
You’ll have to get him to leave with how…unafraid he is with your blood
Need to insert a menstrual cup? He avidly volunteers
Have to change a pad? He’ll help you change into a new one
No? Fine. He’ll throw out the other one for you
It never even made it to the trash
He fully is able to get whatever size you prefer
You never told him
You really didn’t have to though
“Rest easy Madamemoiselle Trickster! I will happily take care of you with great pleasure for it is an honor to see your beauty uncontained!”
Epel Felmier
“I’m on it! Leave it to me!”
Doesn’t really understand but he’s here to help
While I’m not confident he’s going to really know what he’s doing
He’s trying with that determined look on his face
This actually makes him quite happy
He can provide for you without having insane muscle mass
At least your mood can be a bit better when Epel concocting an apple tea that fills the space with such awesome smells
He’ll now start trying to keep track of it
Showing up at your house hair pulled bag and care package filled to the brim
Hiding behind his determination to grow he’s absolutely ecstatic on the fact that you have to rely on him
“I..want to be really good at this, (Y/n)! So please let me help!”
Ignihyde
Ortho Shroud
“I’ve scanned my archives and have deduced that this will be the most effective during your menstrual cycle.”
The moment you groan in pain he is on it
What kind of little brother would he be if he couldn’t do this at the very least
Portable heating pad, Massager, personal pharmacist
You name it he’s got it
After all as your future little brother it's only natural he help you with that stuff
“No worries (Y/n)-san, I’ll take care of you during this major happiness debuff!”
Idia Shroud
“This is…the prophesied otome nightmare! The period!”
He’s not coming near you for awhile
This is uncharted territory for him and he’s debating if he wants to challenge that
He no doubt sent Ortho to help if you
Now the question is does he end up making an appearance
On one hand he’s sure to build up on relationship points if he goes
But if he doesn’t go his rivals will no doubt up their statuses with his absence
He’d still be watching on all the cameras, so he’d know if they really were making any progress
But what about you?
For the possibility that you look at him or thank him for helping
Even going so far as maybe leaning on him!?!?!
Your touch alone could boost his morale significantly
Not to mention sending him in an absolute frenzy
In the end he’ll stick it out…if only Ortho enters with him
“From my research, something that's helpful for dealing with pain is a distraction…so would you want to watch me play?”
Diasomnia
Malleus Draconia
“Child of man? Are you…dying?!”
He’s very confused and incredibly scared
Whether you're clutching your midsection in pain or having bled through your pants
He’s in hysterics
Weren’t you supposed to live longer!?
He’s in a panic teleporting you to a teacher or the Diasomnia dorm
Where he’s urgently informing Lilia and staff about your situation
If your not already crying from embarrassment he’s eventually told the reason why this is happening
“You’re not dying but you’re still in pain? How…peculiar of the human body to plague you in such a way.”
If your period was a person he would have brutally murdered them a long time ago
Sneering at the mention of it while your groaning about it
Don’t let him know about how to make it stop
Otherwise your going to have a hard time convincing him this isn’t worth getting you pregnant for
A good way to is to give him another way to help
Maybe removing the pain with pleasure?
“If this spares you the pain of that wretched cycle then I will give you everything you desire.”
Lilia Vanrouge
“Ah, that time is here. Well then guess I should be making you my special recipe!”
“No, please! Anything but that!”
He’s one who may not keep track but he’s able to notice the signs
You’re so vulnerable he can get away with so much!
Like every situation that involves you he is amusing himself
He’ll help you with remedies he’s experienced through his many travels
Providing exotic painkillers that magically transform all your pain into something alse
Uh oh! Now you have something else bothering you, oh what will you do?
“Oya you seem to be struggling. No worries! I’m more than prepared to help you with this pleasurable side effect. No worries, I'm no stranger to blood!”
Silver Vanrouge
“Bleeding!?!?! Stand back! I need to put pressure on the wound!”
As soon as you get him to stop trying to put pressure on your…yeah
You’ll have to specifically explain the science behind your cycle
Alas his support is immediately garnered
“Alright! Fath–Lilia said I could aid you in this endeavor. Saying it’d be a good experience for my future as a guard to Master Malleus.”
He’ll do all that he can with due diligence
And he’s more than happy to curl up to take your naps with you
But when all's said and done you’ll try and send him away
Keyword: “Try”
“Okay thanks for all your help Silver. Have a good night.”
“Are you heading to bed?”
“..no.”
“Alright then.”
“...”
“...”
“So you're not going to leave?”
“Of course not. My job is to guard you after all, I can’t possibly let you go through this on your own as your suitor”
“Oh oka–wait suitor?”
Sebek Zigvolt
“WHAT IS THIS?! Y-YOU’RE DYING!? DYING!”
He’s alarmed
He knows humans are fragile but to be bleeding so much with no prior warning
Your akin to glass
He’s ultimately going to ignore your reservations until your loudly explaining the science of your cycle to this man
Eventually he will so gracefully take it upon himself to provide his help to you
Doesn’t matter if you never asked he’s helping
You’re so much weaker than him it's natural that he expertly help
With no surprise to you he’s quite bad at this
Misusing your pads/tampons/other
Throwing away your pain killers because they were ‘weak person’s crutch’
And overall just not making this a good time
So you’ll have to explain everything to him
Every tool, every step has a meaning so if he wants to help he’s following your lead
And for you to be so stern and serious…
SHOWS HOW DEDICATED AND POWERFUL YOU ARE!!
“I no doubt misjudged your expertise!! Show me your ways so that I may aid you in our future together!”
Staff
Dire Crowley
“Oh…uhm, right…what does that mean again?”
He’s trying…kinda
You need to ask him for permissions to deal with it anyway
And it would be especially gracious of him to supply everything that you need
…so that you’re not bleeding everywhere
It’d be concerning if that were that the case
So he’s totally following your lead with this one
Even though he’s not a fan of the fact so many of the students are swarming around you during this time
For all he knows you may need many people to help you deal with it
He really doesn’t like seeing you in pain so if you do at some point complain about it
He’s frantically sending you home
“Whatever you need (Y/n). I’m so gracious I shall help you with your condition.”
“It's not a condition, it's a natural bodily function for me that just so happens to come every month.”
“E-every month?”
“Yes…don’t look at me like that! It is entirely normal and healthy!”
Crewel Divus
“Do you have everything you need? I wouldn’t be surprised if Sam didn’t have that.”
He’s on top of it like Donkey Kong
Making sure you have everything you need
The only problem is the various boys that are ‘willing to help’
“I should have had Jack install those removable boards on Ramshackle’s windows…now the unruly curs will slink in.”
He’s wordlessly setting some magical traps for those who want to reach Ramshackle
His puppy is vulnerable and they’re surrounded by a bunch of other pups that are much bigger and rougher
If anyone asks about you he’s misleading them so hard
“Stay away from (Y/n) pups especially this week!”
“Y-YES SIR!”
“Good boys. Now let’s continue working.”
Mozus Trein
“I see. How’s your pain tolerance? Will you still be able to attend class?”
Seasoned veteran right here
He’s not freaking out because he knows you probably know best
But if you couldn’t get something on campus or in the town he’s willing to do what he can
He’s mostly being the reasonable voice when everyone just doesn’t understand
Depending on your own situation he’ll give you a written list of remedies he’s followed
While silently sending Lucius to watch after you
And I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually joined Crewel in putting protections on Ramshackle
“For once we’re in agreement. I doubt the students will be able to comprehend, let alone actually be of service to her.”
Ashton Vargas
“What, why would that stop you from exercising? Don’t you know pushing through the pain is how you look like me!?”
“No no you don’t understand this pain is much different.”
“I fail to see why you should stop even still!”
“If you don’t get me off this field I’ll bleed all over it.”
“O-okay. To the nurse you go!”
“Thank you.”
He’s not sympathetic because he doesn’t understand
And unless you phrase it as some type of training or exercise he will cheer you on
“Ace that period, (Y/n)!! You’ve got this!”
Sam
“Well that’s why I just stocked up on it, just for you!”
Really the MVP when it comes to comfort
He likes to pretend he doesn’t need to but he definitely did research about it
He wasn’t about to turn his favorite baby sis-student away unsatisfied
He also knows your harem will probably come soon and he can’t wait to play matchmaker
“And here’s that (f/f) you ordered in advance and for you some (h/f). Happy eating or rather gifting.”
#yanderes x reader#yandere males#romantic yandere#platonic yandere#platonic yandere x reader#fem reader#yanderes vs period#period comfort#yanderes period comfort#twisted wonderland#twst x reader#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts#yandere riddle roseheart x reader#twst#disney twst#yandere x reader#male yandere#yandere trey clover#yandere heartslabyul#yandere twst malleus#yandere malleus#yandere vil schoenheit#yandere papacrewel#yandere dorm leaders#yandere leona kingscholar#lovelyyandereaddictionpoint
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Yandere Character Sheet II - Japan
For the anon that requested America, China and Japan, here is Japan. This was more or less looking at the profile of a maligiant narcissist and thinking of how to write a yandere that doesn't fall into that frame work.
1p Japan - Kiku Honda
Trigger warning: Mentions of stalking, murder and imprisonment as well as emotional manipulation, financal abuse and social isolation
Blend in - Are the red flags obvious? Are they even aware that their behaviour is wrong? Do they even care?
All in all, Kiku is careful to hide any unorthodox behaviour behind immense politeness and apologise when he thinks he goes too far. With how he presents himself, it will be easy to ignore all the red flags in favour of all the virtues he displays. Not to mention he is also perfectly aware that he has his dark sides and doesn't have an aversion to recognising and acknowledging them. As such, the red flags displayed may even evolve over time. Nevertheless, here are a few of them:
He is overly strict with you. Of course, some discipline is good for character and overall well being, but there can be too much of a good thing. Well he will recognise you as your own person and not some extension of himself, he has some expectations that he wishes you to fulfil. Kiku will frame it in a manner allowing you to understand each other better, or for your own wellbeing.
He expects you to be forthcoming, but is very reserved himself. Japan is a very reserved and closed off person. While he is perfectly capable of showing anger, happiness and sadness, he prefers to do so in tight control of his emotions. As such he can often come over as cold and stuck-up. On top of that, he has a habit of letting the other person do much of the talking when it comes to personal matters, something that is turned up to 11 in a "romantic" relationship. As such, it can just as well be the case that he knows everything about you, but you don't really know even though you have been seeing him for years.
He is overly secretive about important things. This connects with the two points above. Kiku, while respecting you as a person, does have a tendency to make the big choices concerning your relationship without your input. He does have the courtesy to inform you and ask for your opinion, but it usually only goes that far. There is a 80% chance that he is the older partner in your relationship and thus he attributes more authority, wisdom and power to himself.
He knows so much about you that you either don’t know about yourself or never told him. That is because he’ll stalk you in the beginning and he’ll do so very well. If you confront him about it, he’ll play it off as being good at reading people - something that is only partially true. There are something that you only realise after getting to know a person well, things that can’t be uncovered by being fantastically good at reading body language.
Compatriot - Who aids them? Who condemns them? Are there ways you can convince their friends/colleges/underlings to help you?
For a large part, he relies on himself. To him, it is a point of pride to build up his own life, and his own relationship. While he wouldn't be opposed to having your relationship arranged or have somebody nudge you closer together, he wants your relationship to be a product of your conjoined efforts, without the micromanaging and nitpicking of a third party. If there is anything that could make him tear his hair out, it would be somebody else being a smartass and telling how to conduct his relationship with you. The feeling will be even worse in regards to those “nice” people who give unsolicited advice on child rearing.
Though there are the more unsavoury parts of his relationship with you, that involve corpses dissolved in acid and documents of yours disappearing. Here, people mostly aid him by not asking questions. All in all, Kiku has a lot of opportunity to pull strings and play on favours - he is high up on the social ladder and a person worth knowing. As such, some people just fall over at the opportunity to do something for him, for him to be indebted to them.
On the other hand - he is old and not exactly the most agreeable person. The wars of the past constituted cities being razed to the ground and the inhabitants slaughtered or enslaved, with those responsible being hailed as heroes. As such, there are quite a few that hold a grudge against him, this being worsened by the fact that he likes to sweep his past misdeeds under the rug instead of showing humility. So, they would be glad to bring him down a peg or two. For you, it would then be important to get out of dodge as they wouldn’t really care if you would end up as collateral damage or not. Of course, if you would manage to side with them and gain their support, they would be amused by the irony at play. And also be weary of you.
As to how to get their colleges to help you - that wouldn’t be so easy, since Kiku values loyalty in his friends and associates and in proportion to that, keeps them close, or not. Though, you could make your life easier, if you are not able to help you escape, by framing your efforts as driven by the aspiration of having a healthier relationship, or due to being concerned about his well being.
Dominion - What actions are especially pleasing to them?
Japan finds solace in the small, quiet things in life - drinking a good cup of tea, watching the sunset, seeing you in a cute outfit … Such things, and if he can enjoy them with you, all the better. Perhaps you move out to the countryside, or have a semi-permanent residence there, and there you can enjoy leading a hard, but simple life. Generally, Kiku isn’t the sort of person to willingly seek an ultra-safe environment, indeed, he outright loathes it.
Not that he is one for thrill seeking or the sort - no, he also loathes artificial danger. What he prefers are the rough edges of daily life or the challenges that come from heeding a higher calling. As such, he won't be too displeased when you act up - as long as it is reasonable. What would deeply please him, would be seeing you overcome your flaws and becoming a better version of yourself.
Aside from that, things like you cooking and making tea with him would always be soothing. Rubbing his shoulders after a long day and help him scrub down in the bath until you are both squeaky clean. Discuss movies and read poetry with him under the stars. Playing video games with him in the arcade or at game - it doesn't matter if you are dressed up to the nines or in casual wear.
It can go from light hearted afternoons watering and pruning
That being said, there is also a violent, passionate side from him. Keeping his emotions under lock and key doesn't mean they are eradicated, it just means they are all the more intense when they finally do bubble to the surface. There is hatred for those that are undeserving of your attention and affections yet still get them. While he would officially have you simply break contact with them, deep down it would deeply please him to witness you spill their blood.
Flight - What do you have to do in order to escape them?
If your relationship develops without the hiccups coming from the two of you being nations or him having to resort to drastic actions, then it would largely feel like a normal relationship, albeit with a partner that is a tad controlling. As such, why should you escape? Indeed, if you act as a normal loving partner, never attempt to stray or leave and ignore all the red flags, then you could have a somewhat normal relationship.
In that case, you could maybe lose him at an airport or simply go out shopping and never return. Do so suddenly, without any forewarning whatsoever. Throw your phone in a train heading the opposite direction and refrain from making any digitally traceable financial transactions. Change your name and the way you walk, dye your hair; either leave the country or hole yourself up in some hamlet. All in all, putting this show on the road would be extremely difficult, given Kiku’s astuteness when it comes to details and him relying on his gut feeling.
Now, if you have been rebellious and he has to curtail then it is a different matter. His obsessive and possessive tendencies are in the foreground much more and much more strongly and he is far more inclined to keep a close eye on you. Depending how stark this situation is, it could be nigh impossible to flee. Of course, everybody makes mistakes, so it is not completely impossible.
Aside from that, Kiku is an honourable man. If you manage to convince him to agree to a bet or a promise where one of the conditions is that he'll let you go if very begrudging. Afterwards, he would do his best to convince you to come back to him of your own accord.
That aside, on the chance that you do escape - seek refuge in a monastery or a temple. Probs are that you have no money and no fast friends at hand that will provide you with refuge. A religious institution would likely do that and even provide you with a job. Though this is a double edged sword - some of the clergy might hold the personification of Japan in even high regard than a mere mortal, due to his nature, and therefore be even more inclined to do his bidding.
Hospitality - What is your life like with them? How much does it deviate from your former life?
If you behave it can feel like a normal relationship, albeit with a partner that prefers to keep you as close as possible and have a lot of insight into your life. It would be actually very nice, given that you can ignore his more discomforting behaviour, and if you really are in love with him, that wouldn't be too difficult. It would be different from your former routine in that your life would be more structured and that Kiku wouldn't do well with constant repetition. There is constantly something new happening in your life. It would enough to keep you on your toes and have your wits stay sharp.
Now if you are "naughty" then matters look a tad different. On the most part, you'll be confined to a small section of the house or apartment. You'll have no access to your finances and Kiku wouldn't let money lying around and will keep any valuable jewellery under lock and key. The logic in this case is, that if you don't have money, then you are dependent on him and can't really go anywhere. If you resort to something as shameful as begging, then he'll find you fast.
Likely, he'll also tightly restrict who you communicate with. His adversaries are a complete no-go. If he has his way, then you won't even know of their existence. Surprisingly, he'll allow you more or less free reign on certain social media platforms. Of course, he'll check your correspondence every now and then to make sure you are not up to too much mischief, but on the whole, he has no problem letting you lose in the digital world. After all, anonymity is the name of the game on many sites. Who would believe all your wild stories. Who would ever help you? How can they help you, if they live halfway across the globe in a foreign country?
Of course, regardless of your behaviour, he'll make sure you are kept entertained - he isn't as heartless as to let you become bored to death. And to keep your mind off … unrealistic and unneeded things.
Order - What are the rules you have to adhere to?
You might think that he has a set of rules that you must follow to the letter, though, interestingly enough, that is not really the case. Kiku is aware that his yandere tendencies are not exactly healthy and commonly goes to lengths to conceal them from you. If you are or become aware of the underlying nature of your relationship, then he'll be more open about him being yandere. If you resist him at every turn, that is double the case and then he'll be strict with you. Generally though, the rules can be watered down to this.
Be clean and clean yourself regularly. You are not a homeless person and you don't live in the wild, so wash your hands after going to the toilet and scrub down your body at least once a day. Cleanliness is a central principle in Shintoism, so he'll place a lot of emphasis when it comes to you. Not to the degree of obsessiveness, just that you are clean, make your living space clean and don't distribute dirt everywhere. All in all, it's actually reasonable.
Don't speak in swear words - it is unbecoming. To him, you'll always be a pretty thing, far more fragile than you'll ever care to admit to yourself. As such, you are not allowed to cuss, no matter how angry you are and no matter the circumstances. You can express anger and frustration in more skilled and controlled forms. Aside from cussing not being polite, Kiku sees it as the person doing it as having no control over their emotions, and thus, weak.
Should you leave, tell me where you are going and what you are doing. Should you ask, he'll frame it as innocent concern for your wellbeing. That is only part of the picture in his case. He is scared that you'll leave him or that you'll be taken away. What if you get hurt out there, and he isn't around to help you? He doesn't trust you to be in control of the situation or to be in capable hands. What if you meet somebody that slowly poisons your mind? You are young and inexperienced, how can you tell right from wrong correctly? Is the morality you hold even a realistic one?
Conduct yourself well in public. There is no need to embarrass yourself by having an emotional outburst. There are some standards to which he holds himself that he expects you to imitate. One of them is being composed in public. In private, it is a different matter and there, you are allowed to jump with joy or cry tears of sadness, though nothing or the top. He is not above shaming you for an excessive display of emotion, should he deem it unbecoming. And being outside is only something he'll allow if you are properly behaved. Besides, it is just rude to draw unwilling strangers in what should remain behind closed doors, or locked away in the mind.
Rehabilitation - How much will they change you? Will they break you? How much therapy would you need in the event that you get rid of them?
Not as much as you think. Kiku is the sort of yandere that would allow you to retain much of your individuality. That being said, he will "smooth over rough edges", though the end result wouldn't cause worry. At first glance. There might be some fissure in your psyche from the "fine polishing". Furthermore, you'll have to re-learn how to go about mundane day-to-day life and handle all the major stuff, all the stuff Kiku will have done for you, by yourself again.
You’ll probably have suffered from some degree of social isolation and thus will have to be reintegrated into society and relearn how to handle social interactions. At times, it will also feel like Kiku is still looking over your shoulder, a sharp or not so sharp remark about your doings already on your tongue.
Zeal - Do they fall fast or slow? What is their reaction to their own feelings?
His first reaction to his feelings is annoyance. Really, he is a busy man and commonly doesn’t have time for dalliances, so falling in love is inconvenient more than anything else. However, in his haste he tends to repress some of his emotions, leading to them erupting in greater intensity later on.
You could say that he falls fast but the way to you is a long and slow one. Before anything ernest on his part is down, he also wants to make sure that what he is feeling isn’t a limerence that will disappear as spontaneously as it came. So he follows you around, taking notes about your doings, trying to find out what about you is so enticing, and if there is any substance to it.
Art doesn't belong to me!
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Hiya!!
Since you said in one of your recent posts that you have a more stable sense of self, and some other things that are different from the typical diagnosis of BPD, which aspects of BPD do you think you *do* relate to similar to other people?
But if you'd rather not answer that~
What kind of perfumes do you buy, like do you have a specific fragnance you're drawn to? And do you like all kinds of nice smelling things like incense and all? (Armani's Stronger With You slaps you should give it a try one day if that's something you like)
I am considered by most people, and by mental health professionals, to be emotionally unstable . I am certainly highly reactive and experience uncontrollable episodes of rage relatively often .
I have a very intense fear of abandonment that causes episodes of delusional paranoia . More commonly, however, I experience paranoid ideation in response to this fear .
I will harm myself or others in an attempt to avoid abandonment . Fuck, I will do pretty much anything in order to ensure the few people I connect with stay with me . . .
When I do connect to someone, although it is rare for me, my feelings intensify quickly . In certain cases, they become an FP, and this only intensifies my symptoms such as emotional instability and fear of abandonment .
When I have an FP, I become obsessed with them and may engage in stalking behavior . I am extremely possessive and my fear of being abandoned by, or losing, an FP is painfully intense . I am more prone to feeling ignored or undervalued by them . It is almost as if I am grieving them whenever they are away from me, typically without a given explanation or when it seems unlikely to me that they are asleep . I sometimes end up believing they are talking to someone else instead of me, that they have been severely harmed, or that they dislike me . These intense feelings often lead to resentment as I value being in control and dislike the fact that someone else has so much control over my emotions . This causes me to “ split ” on them and often say and do things to hurt them . After the anger dissipates, I typically get worried that it is pushing them away and will apologize and act excessively loving in order to try “ win them back ” . If this doesn’t work fast enough, I feel degraded by them, as if they’re trying to make me rely on them / submit to them / their bitch in some way, and this makes me even angrier than before . This can happen multiple times within minutes and results in me spamming them . Realizing I have spammed them makes me even more angry and resentful as I dislike not seeming independent or in control of myself . . .
When I am alone, I do often feel empty inside . It isn’t the same as not feeling as if I know who I am or feeling anything negative about myself, but I feel emotionally dull and as if I don’t know what to do with myself . During these moments, I am prone to start experiencing paranoia or intense feelings of boredom that I believe is more indicative of my ASPD and ADHD . This boredom is so intense that it physically pains me, and I engage in dangerous behaviors to avoid it .
That said, I don’t need to be painfully bored to do things which are potentially harmful . The boredom and emotional intensity makes it worse, of course, but I am prone to impulsivity regardless . I am extremely distractible and tend to do things without thinking because I get excited by things that look pretty or fun at first glance . I can also do things without thinking just because . . . ? I am less prone to anxiety or typical fear responses outside of the paranoia I mentioned, so I don’t always even register I am doing something potentially dangerous or unwise . I just . . . do things ? If I get an idea in my head of wanting to do something, I’ve already probably started doing it without fully registering that ? It doesn’t seem to matter how much I tell myself I won’t do that when I am in a headspace where I can think critically about these things . . . That said, I also get angry when I am told what to do as I feel as if I am having my agency stripped of me, being treated like a child, not trusted, or seen as lesser . I don’t want to be anyone’s bitch . . .
Sooo, I guess I’m just going to keep having to buy anything pretty and shiny I come across ?
Due to all of this, my personal relationships with others can be intense and unstable . I don’t think I need to explain that . . .
I typically seem a lot more stable around people I do not feel a connection to . I still wouldn’t want them to leave me because it would make me feel insulted, as if they thought they were better than me or could do better, but the anger would be rooted in a desire to uphold my ego and image rather than rooted in fear or paranoia . I would not act obsessively or possessively . I am prone to reacting to any such disrespect with violence though . . .
Honestly, I am not surprised that people try to get away from me due to all of this .
As for your second question, I love nice — smelling shit . . . I actually have a weak sense of smell, and I appreciate strong scents due to this . I am constantly burning incense and scented wax melts / candles . I love iiit ~ ! My go — to perfume is Hypnotic Poison by Dior . I love both the smell of the perfume, the appearance of the bottle ( I enjoy using them as room decor ), and the fact that it is an expensive scent from a Designer brand as that makes it feel more exclusive and an indicator of my own success and hard — work . I grew up experiencing financial hardship throughout most of my childhood ( with the exception of the very early years ) and have gone through a lot in order to be able to make the money I do make . I am very appreciative of this, and I don’t care who thinks it’s obnoxious ( they’re jealous ~ ! ) . I understand that designer doesn’t always mean higher quality, aaand I actually also love thrifting . I care more about aesthetics, but it is nice to be able to possess at least some luxury items .
I like essential oils too ~ .
Before this, my signature scent was Gucci Guilty ( the one with the red bottle / box specifically . )
I have tried two different variations of Hypnotic Poison, but I prefer the one with the darker red bottle to the one with the bright red bottle .
My favorite scents include tobacco, coconut, plum, vanilla, lavender, cedarwood, and sandalwood, but it also . . . kind of depends on my mood ?
I like lavender musk and white musk a lot .
Again, I want it to be strong !
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Trauma (Iruma)
Until this arc it felt like Iruma’s childhood was swept away, only brought up as a joke. To be fair, this is a comedy series, and those jokes are funny, but it felt like the series wouldn’t be living up to its potential without a more serious look at how Iruma’s upbringing affects him. Then, I reached the Harvest Festival, and all my expectations were met and exceeded. This event was finely crafted to perfectly simulate the environment Iruma grew up in, with the vastness of the forest, the need for survival, and the overwhelming isolation, causing his repressed trauma and emotions to gradually rise to the surface as the festival dragged on before finally exploding in what I consider to be the most emotionally cathartic scene in the series.
During Iruma’s training scenes (both in the Training arc itself and flashbacks), the matter of his parents is brought up casually, like it had been previously. While this aspect of his childhood had already been well established, moment like this still serve as important indicators that Iruma still thinks about what he went through. It’s also a reminder that Iruma grew up with parents that only saw him as a useful tool for chores and as a source of income. I also want to draw attention to the number of near-death situations Iruma had been through prior to living in the underworld. That scene occurs when Bachiko has Iruma fire off arrow after arrow at the very least over 100 times, meaning that there were probably hundreds of instances, starting from a very young age, where Iruma almost died. Between arriving in the demon world and starting the Harvest Festival Iruma had only been in legitimate mortal peril maybe three times, which is comparatively like a vacation if you think about it.
Iruma’s survival instincts are also expanded upon. Even living peacefully, Iruma retains his natural instincts to avoid all danger and uses this ability to his advantage, but that same peace prevents us from knowing what his exact mental state was before getting surprise-adopted. The Harvest Festival fixes that by placing him in a similar environment that causes him to unwillingly revert to a purely survival-oriented mindset. This ends up revealing a lot about Iruma, even explaining some of his quirks that seemed more outlandish, such as emotional repression to the point of not recognizing feelings like desire or anger. It also shows that his so-called “overwhelming crisis evasion capability” (heralded as the ultimate defense mechanism) is what his survival mode looks like while operating at its lowest capacity. His peak survival mode is represented by an amorphous black blob whose simplistic design conjures the idea of returning to base instincts. As specifically stated, Iruma has been operating like this for most of his life, relying solely on his base instincts and foregoing everything else, which would account for his lack of understanding even relatively simple emotions.
Now let’s get into the cause of Iruma’s trauma. To date, this is the longest they make an appearance, and even then, it’s only as an illusion, so we still don’t know practically anything about them. However, I would argue that it’s unnecessary to learn about them outside of their impact on Iruma, because this is fundamentally a story about Iruma’s self-discovery and him finally learning how to be human. Since they were the main obstacle to his natural development, their own thoughts are less important to the narrative. While Iruma does later say he’s not afraid of his parents, that ends up feeling more like a comparative statement when taking his immediate reaction upon seeing them into account, as well as how their faces are never shown, giving them a more nightmarish quality even compared to the other illusions. There’s a level of control that they’ve instilled into him that genuinely makes Iruma feel like they could whisk him away from home. Sullivan is easily one of the most powerful demons in the underworld, yet in Iruma’s trauma-addled state, even he isn’t an obstacle to the whims of his parents. This harkens back on Iruma’s inability to say no, born from years of psychological manipulation that can be seen in the question “aren’t you a good kid who always does as he’s asked?” His parents wanted someone who wouldn’t cause trouble and do whatever they wanted, so they taught him that saying no was wrong and that he’d only be praised if he did as they asked. So, while Iruma has gotten more assertive in the underworld, due to the years of damage inflicted by his parents, there’s a legitimate concern that he’d be powerless to go against him.
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Although I agree that there is always someone out there who loves you or is hoping you’ll text them back, or misses you, I also believe that sometimes the person you want to apologize to you doesn’t care, sometimes the person you miss is thinking about someone else, sometimes the people you want to hang out with don’t want to hang out with you, sometimes the person or people who hurt you are not hoping you’re okay. (I mean this to be people who are not in ur life and if they are in your life they probably shouldn’t be)
Not trying to be a bummer or anything, but I’ve just come to realize that:
1. actions speak louder than words- if people like or love you, they will not only show you but you will feel it. You don’t have to guess or justify or analyze, you will know.
2. you shouldn’t base your happiness or self worth on other peoples actions even if they are positive- Allowing other peoples actions or love impact you to the point of either detriment or empowerment allows others to control your life or emotions which is always uncertain and you will never truly be happy.
Instead, focus on being a good person with good values and being authentic. Once you are authentic, you will attract the right people and repel the wrong people. The right people will love you and you will know. And instead of someone hoping you’ll text them or you hoping someone else will text you, you will already be texting, you will already love eachother. Not hope to be loved.
Let’s also get rid of the thinking that we need closure, or we need to be on good terms with people, or we need to be liked by everyone. No we don’t. That person doesn’t need to make you feel special for you to know that you are special, that person doesn’t need to apologize to you for hurting you and making you feel better. That person doesn’t need to realize how good you are or that they were wrong. The sooner you come to terms with this, the sooner you’ll let go of resentment, pain, anger, heartache, loneliness, and the need for validation. I’m telling YOU (and myself tbh)… you are the answer. The love and validation and the feeling of being special and the one and happy and free and secure… you can give that to yourself. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be with someone or want to feel special by your partner, I’m just saying don’t rely on people for your self worth and joy. Once you are in control of your own happiness and joy, letting go of the wrong people and attracting the right people will be SOO much easier because we aren’t unconsciously looking to other people to give that to us.
Once you stop looking for love outside of yourself, you’ll find it within. And instead of chasing love, you’ll attract love. But this only starts if we stop wasting our time thinking and guessing and hoping for the love of people who are wrong for us and focusing on ourselves, so there is more time for the people who are right for us to give us the love we are wanting to receive.
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✨Hi✨Can you write a headcanon for slashers' toxic treats in a relationship? (It may their insecurities, being too jealous/overprotective ect..) thank you so much and i love your blog 💖🦄
You mean other than the murder and sadism???? Sure! 😂 (Not all of these are ‘toxic traits’, some are just problems that you might have in the relationship. Not including the whole murder thing...)
The Slashers and their toxic traits:
Thomas Hewitt
His insecurities. He beats himself up so much about everything and it occasionally gets in the way of your relationship. For the most part you are able to reassure him and he comes around, missing being with you. However, he can start to hide down on the basement and start avoiding you, causing a divide between you both. He’ll comes around or you will march down there and confront him, lovingly, and he’ll feel better for a while. It’s a slow process building Tommy’s self worth but you’re a huge help!
His family? I mean...we all know Hoyt isn’t exactly friendly. Once you’re a part of the family, he expects you to have some sort of part in their chores. He also has a habit of teasing you and Thomas, and not in a very playful way, normally worsening Thomas’ insecurities. Luda May isn’t completely innocent either, though. She does love you but is pretty tough in the early stages of your relationship, like she doesn’t trust you. Once you’re officially a member of the family, she eases up on you though.
Michael Myers
Can be very cold. This shouldn’t be surprising. He’s a very stoic, cold man who is mostly unaffectionate. It takes so long to start building physical affection with him that most people would just give up before they get there. Of course, it’s worth it for when he finally starts to open up to it, but it can be draining on you.
Likes to get his way. He’s stubborn and independent. The thought of having somebody rely on him or to rely on somebody else makes him very uncomfortable, he isn’t used to it at all. And yet, here you both are. So, he doesn’t ask before doing most things, he just kind of...does. He doesn’t understand why you explain that you would like for him to mention it in the future. An example of this is just leaving the house without telling you, leaving you looking for him before realising he left for the night. He’ll gradually come around to improving on it, starting small, but that means a whole lot coming from Michael.
Jason Voorhees
His insecurities. Jason doesn’t pull away from you because of it but the more understanding and patient you are, the better it will be. It takes a long time for him to remove the mask and, naturally, that can cause some tension. He’s too worried about scaring you away while you’re worrying that he doesn’t trust you as much as he claims too. This is something that can be dealt with eventually. Once he’s removed the mask and you make him feel loved, this issue slowly fades away.
Isolation? It’s not really his fault. He lives out in a cabin in the middle of the woods near an old run down summer camp and now you live with him. He’s not purposely keeping you away from other people but it’s something that can’t be helped. Of course he’s not going to stop you from taking trips to visit family or friends even if he would miss you, it’s just now always very easy to do so.
Brahms Heelshire
Selfish. Brahms has a major case of only child syndrome. He can’t accept ‘no’ as an answer, he demands everything he wants, he only really things about himself, mostly because that’s what he’s used too. Thank his parents. Deep down, he really is a sweetheart but you have to chisel away all that nastiness. It’s hard work and you play more of a caretaker role before a romantic partner.
Get’s extremely jealous. He hates the grocery boy’s guts with a vengeance, all because he flirted with you that one time. But he gets jealous over stupid things as well, just when he decides that you aren’t giving him enough attention, which he wants a lot of.
Uses guilt trips. This one you need to stop as soon as possible. It’s how he got his way with his parents, and now he will try to use it against you. As you try to reign in his selfishness, you have to for the same for his guilt trips.
Bo Sinclair
Can’t take responsibility. It takes so much to get him to sincerely apologise. He really needs to see that he’s done something wrong and has really upset you in order to actually apologise. Otherwise he’ll just brush it off and move on, refusing to admit that he did anything wrong.
Manipulative. It’s almost like being manipulative is Bo’s second nature. He does it all the time with people who come into the town but he doesn’t really mean to do it to you. But when he wants something or he’s irritated, he just slips up and it happens. Big fan of saying things like “you’re overreacting”.
Vincent Sinclair
His insecurities. Vincent can become very withdrawn from you due to his own insecurities. It can really get in the way of your relationship. Of course you’re understanding and compassionate but it does start to wear you down, making you a little irritated. You never let on to those feelings though, always trying to comfort him. Vincent will come around eventually after some reassurance but it can be a tough time.
His relationship with Bo. This is probably a bigger problem than his insecurities. Bo has a lot of power over Vincent and you don’t like it at all, even if you have developed a fondness for the other twin as well. Most of the times it isn’t a problem but when Bo is in a bad mood, he mostly takes it out on Vincent. It can feel like Vincent puts Bo above you, even when Bo is being awful. You understand it, you really do. Bo is the toxic one, not Vincent. But that doesn’t always make things easier.
Lester Sinclair
His relationship with his brothers. Lester isn’t a very toxic person but any relationship with somebody who has a life like his could become a little toxic. You are incredibly important to him but...so are his brothers. It’s highly unlikely that he would leave Ambrose to live a more honest life, or at least try to. He’s more likely to do so than either of the twins but it’s still very unlikely to happen. Sometimes it can make you question his priorities, but he really really does love you more than anything.
Bubba Sawyer
His family. His family is extremely toxic, this shouldn’t be much of a shock. Bubba is probably the least toxic out of all of them, this man just wants to love somebody and be loved in return. By family, I mostly mean Drayton.
Isolation. Like with Jason, this isn’t really his fault but it’s something to consider. If you have family or friends, you likely won’t be able to see them much at all. You could still call and message but you live with the Sawyers now that Drayton doesn’t like the idea of you coming and going. This probably links back to the toxic family dynamics.
Billy Lenz
Jealous/possessive. He’s pretty much a shut in, he doesn’t like leaving the house even though he probably could. He doesn’t have a problem with you having friends but gets a little pouty if you go out with them for a long time, and when you get back home, he is extra clingy. He won’t stop you but you’re well aware that he would rather you just stay with him. He probably feels more lonely than anything.
Asa Emory (The Collector)
Manipulative. Asa knows what he wants and when he wants something, he will get it. He does genuinely try to not purposely manipulate you since he cares about you. However, manipulation usually comes so easily to him that he might not even realise he’s doing it.
His need for control. Asa likes being in control and he loves when you’re submissive to him. This means that he can find it a little difficult to give up some control in the relationship or around the house. It can be infuriating but can be adjusted slowly but it’s not going to be easy.
Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull)
Overprotective/possessive. As soon as another man is talking to you, he will be right by your side, his intimidating figure usually being enough to scare them off. If he had it his way, he’d have you with him at all time, only for him to touch or even look at. However, he won’t resort to that unless it’s something you want...still, it’s obvious and it can become overbearing if nothing else.
Depending on your feelings towards his ‘job’, he can be gone for long periods of times. Unless you are completely okay with what he does and go on the ‘business’ trips with him, you are going to be left home alone for long periods of time. Of course, you might be completely okay with that and if that’s the case, there’s no problem. If you need him around some more...well, you might start to feel a little lonely. He always makes it up to you when he gets home though!
Otis Driftwood
Very focused on himself. He’s just used to only thinking about himself, ever since he was a kid. Of course he does genuinely care about the family and about you (and he doesn’t express that to you better than he does the family) but he’s nowhere near perfect with it. He also has a tendency of pulling away from you when this gets bad. When he realises that it’s bothered you, he doesn’t really apologise either, but he’ll still offer you some comfort.
Anger issues. This man has a temper. He would never turn you but oh boy is it hard work. Most of the time it’s just ranting and shouting about whatever pissed him off. While it doesn’t turn physical or is ever directed at you, it can be a little draining.
Baby Firefly
Doesn’t take much seriously. Baby tends to treat everything like a joke or just doesn’t realise how serious the situation is to you. It’s not an constant thing, if you’re upset, she’ll notice and take it seriously as she comforts you. But she still sometimes brushes off your concerns (as well as everyone else’s) because she’s practically bouncing with energy.
Yautja (Predator)
He. Is. An. Alien. I wouldn’t really call this a toxic trait but it definitely causes some complications. The traditions of his race can be...startling. You find far too many skulls in your home when you start courting. You are also likely the thing to introduce him to monogamy, but he adapts to that very fast because you’re so precious to him.
Pretty possessive. He isn’t the jealous type, just very possessive. You are his mate, his little human, and he wants everyone (especially other Yautjas) to know that. At times it might become a little suffocating.
(Look...I’m bias here okay!)
#thomas hewitt x reader#michael myers x reader#jason voorhees x reader#brahms heelshire#bo sinclair x reader#vincent sinclair x reader#lester sinclair x reader#bubba sawyer x reader#billy lenz x reader#asa emory x reader#the collector x reader#jesse cromeans x reader#chromeskull x reader#otis driftwood x reader#baby firefly x reader#yautja x reader#predator x reader#slashers x reader#slasher x reader#slashers#slasher#my writing
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WHAT KiND OF SUBMiSSiVE ARE THEY.
𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖕𝖒𝖆𝖒𝖆’𝖘 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖕 — this is self indulgent like everything else on my blog. not proofread bc tumblr’s a dry cunt.
separately sub sanzu haruchiyo & kakucho hitto + gender neutral dom reader. (headcanons)
𝖈𝖜 — mentions of neglect play + brat taming + impact play + degration + praising + orgasm denial + deepthroating + petplay + controlled orgasm + watersports + anal play + breeding + frottage. small drug use & alcohol consumption mention bc sanzu.
minors + blank—ageless blogs dni. you will be blocked.
SANZU HARUCHiYO #THE MASOCHiSTiC BRAT.
fav kinks — neglect play. brat taming. heavy impact play (slapping, spanking etc) heavy degradation + praising. orgasm denial. facefucking (receiving) toys — ball gags + paddles.
fav petnames — brat. pain-in-the-ass. slut. whore. a-hole-to-fuck. walking pocket pussy. street whore. cocksleeve.
“why would i?” ✦ “make me.” ✦ “let me know when you’re done talking…” ✦ “why’re tellin’ me what to do?” ✦ “ooh! is it time for my funishment now?”
oh boy.
sanzu lives to piss you off. he lives for the thrill of trouble gravitating towards him at every angle.
and it comes with a good price—you forcing him to submit to your every whim, putting him in his place, making him remember where he belongs… all of it. sanzu likes to feel small underneath you.
his pulse quickens and adrenaline shoots through the roof once he realizes he has you where he wants. when you throw a darken glare, a frown or give out a command—anything.
paddles. paddles. paddles. paddles. paddles. y’all have a very wide range of them.
you use hand symbols when you’re out in public and he sometimes follow them with a mischievous smirk stretching across his face.
loves to laugh and giggle when you give him a hand signal. definitely his favorite way to piss you off.
doesn’t give a fuck who’s watching. the bratting don’t stop.
calls punishments, funishments. and sometimes will continue his brattiness during those times. mostly days when he’s had a rough day and has anger still built up.
how many times sanzu has done his missions with a ball gag in his mouth? who knows. he sure doesn’t. everyone don’t even question it anymore.
sanzu talks back to you whenever he feels like it. also likes to play tricks on you, being good one minute and fuck around the next.
prefers not to fuck when he’s high and/drunk because although he could feel what you put his body through the night before—he wants to see it and remember it.
sometimes his jealousy/possessiveness gets the best of him and he will brat. won’t stop bratting unless you reassure aka sedate his horny ass whenever and wherever y’all are.
30% out of %100 of the good boy meter.
KAKUCHO HiTTO #THE GOOD BOY.
fav kinks — heavy petplay. mommy/daddy or master/mistress kink. controlled orgasm. praise. watersports. anal play. (mostly fingering) breeding. frottage. toys — collars + leashes. crates. cock cages.
fav petnames — mutt. puppy + pups + good puppy. good boy. darling. pups. dog + doggie.
“pleasepleaseplease!” ✦ “you want to do it h-here?” ✦ “thank you master.” ✦ “i can take it!” ✦ “anything for you…”
kakucho’s like a feral doberman to the public but, when it comes to you he’s a innocent teacup puppy.
really really loves his collars and leashes and usually get them as a treat. they’re either flashy or non flashy, there’s no in between.
yanking on his collar will make him moan so fucking loud. it’s something like a reminder to him—who he belongs to, who got him if nobody else do, who he could rely on for anything. and he adores it so much.
some of the collars kakucho own could be passed off as some kind of fashion statement thing that won’t make people look at him sideways and he usually wear those everyday.
he’ll mostly wear his flashy collars during sessions where he wants to look special for you…. but, if you’re feeling a bit like a bully—you’ll make him go outside with it on.
god and he gets embarrassingly stiff when someone stares at the ownership around his neck for too long and starts to get leaky.
with that being said, kakucho does prefer everything to be done in the bedroom and bedroom only, however…… if you convince him enough he’ll definitely be on his whore shit and do something freaky out in public. he does like to please you more than anything.
is a biter.
kakucho lives for praise and head pats and will do specific things if he knows he’ll get head pats. expects them all the time too. big, watery puppy dog eyes staring at you with a little pout as he waits to hear “you’re such a good boy for me”
make out sessions are wet and sloppy with him.
nonsexual dominance turns him on so much. like yes, take care of him. pick out his clothes, order his food for him, make sure he’s eating and drinking and etc. all of that gets him hot and bothered.
grinds his cock against everything. his hand, your hand, your legs, the couch, the pillows… he’s just so needy and greedy, he can’t help it.
has paw-pad stockings btw.
100% out of %100 of the good boy meter.
[finished.] my blog contains dark content, proceed w caution. — minors + ageless/blank blogs don’t like nor reblog my content. you will be hardblocked.
#sub tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers smut#sanzu smut#kakucho smut#sanzu haruchiyo smut#sanzu x reader#sanzu haruchiyo x reader#kakucho hitto smut#kakucho x reader#kakucho hitto x reader#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokrev smut#tokyo revengers x reader#dom!reader
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Twin!AU Part 3:
Hunith and Uther alike have to face the consequences of their actions, Merlin (and everyone, really) decides that family doesn’t end in blood.
Part 1 Part 2
TW: Suicidal ideation (mostly past, but it sort of... flairs up a little here I guess)
Hunith’s face falls and she physically recoils at Merlin’s harsh declaration.
His hard gaze doesn’t leave her, even as she glances at Arthur, a little behind Merlin and to his side. The blonde has his gaze fixed on Hunith, but he looks away the moment they make eye contact, unable to stand the confused pain in her expression:
“Merlin? What happened?”
Lancelot and Percival approach slowly after handing the horses off to a couple of stablehands, and Gwaine puts his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, not that The Warlock notices; he clenches his jaw tightly before speaking, but continues resisting the urge to look away:
“You lied to me. About everything.”
Hunith’s eyes go wide and she gulps, opening her mouth and shutting it again as she struggles to think of a response. It’s then that Merlin finally looks away, gazing over the top of her head at the empty courtyard. Arthur quietly intervenes, his authoritative voice full of warring emotions despite it’s low volume:
“We should take this somewhere more private.”
Merlin doesn’t even nod, just turns around and walks back towards the castle, hands clenched tightly at his side before he pushes the doors open and stalks in without looking back. Gwaine and Arthur share a concerned look before the older knight rushes after him. Arthur gestures for Hunith to go first, but not without stopping her with a hand on her shoulder, and a muttered, almost teary:
“You had no right.”
Her face falls even further, but The Regent steps back and looks away before she can reply, and she timidly hurries through the door after Merlin and Gwaine. Arthur gives Lancelot and Percival a pointed look:
“I imagine we’ll be in my chambers, make sure we are undisturbed. I don’t want anyone interrupting unless the world is about to end. Let Leon and Morgana know that they can take charge of any meetings today.”
They both nod, but Lancelot jogs up the steps to stop Arthur before he can leave:
“I... know what she did was wrong, but don’t let Merlin be too harsh. He’s always been close to his mother, he’ll regret it later if he pushes her away completely.”
Arthur almost snaps out something about how Hunith isn’t Merlin’s mother, but he keeps it to himself, sighing and nodding:
“Yeah, I know, but she... she needs to know what this has done to him, how much he’s suffered needlessly because of this. There isn’t... I know she probably just did what she thought was right but... she needs to know. Merlin deserves an apology, and he certainly deserves the truth.”
Lancelot nods hesitatingly, but doesn’t say anything else, stepping aside to allow The Regent through. He catches up to the others just as Merlin slams the door open to his chambers, continuing to not look back as he heads over to the large dining table, leaning his hand against the back of one of the chairs and staring towards the window.
Gwaine and Arthur approach slowly, standing either side of him but not touching him as they wait in suspense for someone to start the conversation. Hunith already has tears in her eyes as she stands on the other side of the table, trying and failing to get Merlin to look at her. The harsh glare he laid on her before was horrific, but this... him being unable to look at her at all, that is worse:
“Merlin, please, I only did what-”
She’s cut off by Merlin’s harsh instruction:
“Sit.”
She glances to Arthur once more, but he just nods wordlessly at the chair in front of her; the only sounds in the room are the scraping of the chair on the stone floor and Merlin’s laboured breathing. He was evidently trying very hard to hold his anger in, and when he says nothing more once she’s sat down, Gwaine puts his hand back on his shoulder. He shrugs it off, finally turning to face Hunith but remaining unable to look in her eyes:
“Why?”
A tears slips loose from her eye and she sniffles, taking a deep, shaky breath and fiddling with her hands on the table. Arthur absent-mindedly wonders if Merlin would still do that too if he’d been raised with his actual family, if it was natural, or if he’d picked it up from her:
“Please, Merlin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”
Merlin takes in a sharp breath, tightening his gip on the chair in a way that looks painful, shaking his head:
“No. No apologies, no excuses. I want to know exactly why you lied to me, why you took this from me.”
His voice is deadly in a quiet kind of way, like he could snap clean in two and set the world alight at any moment. Gwaine looks worriedly between the other two men, clearly thinking on the same lines as Lancelot, but neither of them notice, Merlin’s gaze stuck to the table and Arthur’s stuck on Hunith:
“I would have told you one day, Merlin, you-”
Merlin finally looks up at her, the blazing fury in his eyes contrasting in a rather horrific manner with the steady stream of tears on his cheeks:
“One day when? Arthur’s known about my magic for ages. I’ve been in Camelot for years, you have had every opportunity.”
Hunith lets out a low sob, but doesn’t look away:
“I didn’t think you were ready, Mer-”
Merlin bites his lip and turns away, running his hands through his hair harshly before turning around again, quick as lightening, and pointing an accusing finger at her:
“No, you weren’t ready! You weren’t ready to face the fact that you lied to me about who I am, because you knew you had no right, because you knew I would be angry!”
Hunith stands, but doesn’t make any moves to approach Merlin at Arthur’s harsh glare and Gwaine’s worried gesture. He doesn’t think Merlin or Arthur would hurt her, he’d never even consider the idea, but he knows that his partner needs space to be angry:
“I didn’t want you to be upset,-”
Merlin scoffs and lets out a sob of his own, wiping his face harshly before responding loudly:
“Gods, I wonder why I would be upset! Maybe because you lied to me about everything?!-”
Hunith shakes her head desperately, but Merlin carries on without pause:
“-You had no right to keep this from me! I grew up alone, with no one but you to rely on because you made me think I was some kind of beast! Keeping me from Camelot, I understand, keeping it from me as I child even, I understand. But you’ve had years of opportunity, you are selfish, a hypocrite and a coward.-”
Hunith looks horrified at his admission, mainly the sudden reveal at how her treatment of Merlin had effected him independently of the lie:
“-I hated myself, I was terrified, I didn’t want to exist, because of you! You made me think I was some kind of unnatural monster and then you sent me to Gaius under the guise of teaching me control, so he could carry on the lie for you! He promised me I wasn’t a monster, that I wasn’t born evil, over and over, but he’s lied to me from the moment I met him, how am I supposed to trust anything he says?! How am I supposed to trust anything you say when I was just some unwanted, throwaway thing that you never asked for, and got rid of at the earliest opportunity?!-”
Gwaine and Arthur stare at Merlin with matching heartbreak in their expressions; it seems that Merlin is upset at more than just the base lie. The New Prince doesn’t even try to stop the tears, his breathing quick and ragged, and after a few moments of thick silence, he takes a deep breath and quietly continues:
“-I didn’t have to be so alone, that was all you, and Gaius, and Kilgharrah, and everyone else who lied to me. When I had nothing, I had you, and you lied to me.-”
Merlin’s voice cracks, his breathing shaky and his face pale as his entire world seemingly crumbles down around him:
“-You took my brother from me and you had no right. You’re not my mother, you’re just as bad as Uther.”
With those last words, he storms from the room, Gwaine hot on his heels. Arthur stays however, feeling the need to comfort the crying woman, but also feeling, maybe slightly cruelly, that she deserves this. He sighs, pushing the though from his mind and moving around to put a hand on her shoulder as she buries her face in her hands, sobbing:
“I... you did your best, I think he knows that, but that doesn’t change what you took from him, from both of us. He needs time.”
She just about manages a nod, and Arthur sighs again, standing awkwardly for a few minutes before he realises she isn’t going to stop any time soon. He gently pushes her to sit back in the chair before heading to the door, following Gwaine and Merlin.
They’re not in the corridor when he shuts the door behind him, but he’s not surprised at that. Merlin has always been private about his true emotions, always kept them close to his chest, he wouldn’t want anyone to see him having a breakdown in the middle of the hall. Months ago, Arthur would have thought it was left over fear of his magic being discovered, but now he bitterly thinks that it probably has more to do with the way he was raised.
He runs a hand through his hair, sparing a glance to the—previously unnoticed—worried looking guards. Thankfully, they were two of the men that had been trusted with the truth (Arthur reminds himself to thank Leon later for paying attention to who was stationed where), so Arthur isn’t too worried at the fact that they had likely overheard the one-sided yelling match. He fixes them with a commanding stare and clears his throat:
“Escort the Lady Hunith to the physician’s chambers when she emerges, leave her with Gaius, but don’t rush her.-”
They bow briefly in acknowledgement of his orders, and his question comes out quietly:
“-Do you know where they went?”
They needn’t ask who, and one of the guards answers lowly, matching Arthur’s volume:
“I think they headed to Sir Gwaine’s chambers, Sire.”
He nods and mutters a quiet thank you, slowly heading in that direction, knowing he had to go see them but also wanting to give them few extra minutes of privacy. They still had a lot to take care of, they’d missed several council meetings over the last few days, and whilst Arthur trusts Leon and Morgana to keep things rolling, he really should be making regular appearances. That, and they still haven’t dealt with Uther; to be perfectly honest, Arthur is surprised that rumours haven’t started spreading about The King’s disappearance and Arthur’s sudden growth of responsibilities, but he’s grateful. Don’t look a gift Griffin in the mouth or... something.
He finally stops outside the knight’s room—nodding at Lance who wordlessly stands guard in the corridor—before flinching at the quiet crying he can hear from inside. He knocks a few times softly before entering, shutting the door behind him and approaching the bed. Gwaine sits leant against the headboard, tears in his eyes as he holds a shaking Merlin in his arms. The Warlock lays besides Gwaine, in the middle of the bed, his face buried in the knight’s chest and his hands twisted into the fabric of his tunic.
Arthur lets out a deep, mournful breath at the sight of his brother so distraught, and he moves around to the other side of the bed, raising his eyebrow in question at Gwaine and settling next to Merlin at his singular nod. Merlin doesn’t seem to notice his presence, not until Arthur settles a hand on his back and whispers his name. He instantly calms a little, and Gwaine mentally scolds himself for the slight flair of jealousy; Merlin had discovered he has a brother, that his best friend is his brother, it’s no surprise that he calms easier in his presence, especially considering the reveal unburied so much hidden trauma.
After a few more minutes, Merlin turns to be laying on his back, though he makes sure to stay in Gwaine’s embrace. The knight leans down to press a kiss to the top of his head, and though he can’t see it, he can almost feel the slight smile on The Warlock’s face. Arthur moves his hand back to his lap, looking at the two of them out of the corner of his eye; he sees nothing but worry and utter adoration on Gwaine’s face, and he wonders just how he hadn’t approved of their relationship. Gwaine’s whispered words just solidify Arthur’s newfound belief in the man:
“I love you, Merls, no matter what.”
Merlin lets out a quiet, choked laugh, and Gwaine considers that a win, even more so when Merlin responds in kind:
“I love you.”
Despite their relationship not being a particularly new thing, Arthur hadn’t even considered the possibility that they’d reached that far, that their partnership was that solid; perhaps that had something to do with their general lack of PDA, which he had always wondered how Gwaine had put up with. He grimaces with a quiet realisation, but it catches Merlin’s gaze and he raises a questioning eyebrow, his tears thankfully dried. Arthur glances up at Gwaine, who smirks at him knowingly, before looking back down to his brother:
“Making you Crown Prince is something I’m actually quite looking forward to, but I’m going to have to crown Gwaine as well.”
Gwaine snorts in amusement but Merlin turns pink and coughs slightly:
“Well.. we haven’t really discussed marriage, Arthur.”
Arthur looks to him with an apologetic expression:
“Merlin, royals have different courting rules. Royal partnerships tend to be incredibly short before a marriage has to happen. Back when me and Gwen were courting, we hid not only because Uther wouldn’t have approved, but also because we didn’t want to rush things. I’m especially glad we did now, otherwise we would have had to be married by now. The whole kingdom know that you two have been together for at least a year, the moment you’re crowned...”
His voice trails off as he comes to a second, horrifying realisation. He stands from the bed and stares at Gwaine with wide eyes and a pale face:
“Oh my God. Oh my God. If neither me, you, or Morgana have children... once you two have been married... Gwaine will officially be third in line for the throne. Oh... fuck.”
Merlin and Gwaine freeze for just a moment before they burst into loud laughter, and Arthur shakes his head, pacing slightly and not paying attention to the knocking at the door. Lancelot walks in slowly, an amused smile of his face despite his confusion:
“Do I even want to ask?”
Arthur fixes him with an almost distraught gaze before glaring half-heartedly at Merlin:
“Why? Why couldn’t it have been Leon, or Lancelot?? Elyan or Percival?? Hell, I would have been happier with fucking George.”
Gwaine’s laughter gets even louder but Merlin calmly wipes the tears (of laughter, thankfully) from his face and looks to Lancelot with bitten lips and held in hysterics:
“Arthur just realised that once all the crowning ceremonies happen, Gwaine will be third in line for the throne, if I’m the last one to die and there aren’t any children.”
Lance’s eyes go wide and he clamps a hand over his moth in a poor attempt to hold in his laughter. He fails miserably, bursting just like Gwaine and Merlin had moments earlier. Arthur fixes an annoyed glare on him and waves a desperate hand:
“This is not funny.”
Gwaine just shakes his head as he finally manages to calm himself, wiping his face clean and sitting up straight, one hand still on Merlin’s shoulder:
“It’s hilarious, Princess. God imagine Geoffrey’s face. Imagine the council.”
Arthur just takes a deep breath and looks to the ceiling again:
“Fuck. Ok, alright, whatever. That is a problem for another time.-”
He looks back down to Merlin with an apologetic smile, after shooting one last withering glare at a still-smirking Gwaine:
“-You feeling up to council? I’ve missed a fair few, and I think it might be a good idea for you two to start making appearances as well. That and... as much as we’ve told them you have magic, it might be worth showing it off a little.-”
At Merlin’s wide, fearful eyes, Arthur holds his hands out placatingly and hurries to continue:
“-You don’t have to, but they're working on the ban repeal. Obviously not anything huge, but passing jugs or paper or whatever with magic might help desensitise them to the idea. Plus, now that you’re semi-officially royalty, and you have Gwaine or Leon trailing you almost everywhere, no one would dare attack you. And if they do, you have every right to defend yourself in whatever capacity you deem necessary.”
At Merlin’s still nervous face, Lancelot quickly tacks on:
“And they all know that Arthur would go ape-shit if anything were to happen to you.”
Arthur gestures at the knight and nods in agreement, nodding further at Gwaine’s quiet “He’s not the only one.” . Merlin takes a deep breath and shuffles off the bed, standing and straightening his clothes out with unsteady hands:
“Let’s go. You’re right, I’m going to have to get used to stupid council meetings at some point if you’re insisting on crowning me, might as well be now.”
Arthur and Lancelot smile proudly and Gwaine moves to stand at his side, straightening his own clothes before running his hands through Merlin’s hair, flattening and neatening it. Merlin stands still and lets himself be assessed and fixed with a soft smile on his face, and Arthur feels almost as if he were intruding on something personal and domestic, even more so than when they were professing their love for each other; he looks away awkwardly and Lancelot raises an amused eyebrow at him.
The four of them finally exit the room, Arthur and Merlin falling into step besides each other, Gwaine slightly behind them, and Lancelot trailing the three of them with his face pulled into a blank mask and his hand on his sword.
This time, there is no hesitation before they enter the council room, and no raised eyebrows when Merlin takes his rightful place alongside Arthur at the head of the table. Flanked by Morgana, Leon, Lancelot, and Gwaine, Arthur effortlessly takes control of the meeting, hurrying things along with a proud confidence and an easy authority that was slowly but surely being taken on by his brother, at his side.
~
The council session lasts for the remainder of the day, and though at least half of the councilmen yelp, Gaius obviously not included, when Merlin first starts floating things about or magically highlighting words or moving the room’s lighting around with a flick of his wrist, most of them are used to it by the time the sun touches the horizon.
Arthur finally calls an end to the meeting when it gets dark. Though he was in a slightly manic mood and desperate to get as much work done as possible now that he was actually free to attend meetings, he could see that the others, Merlin especially, were flagging. He knew it would happen eventually, he can’t imagine The Warlock has been sleeping much, and he definitely came to some sort of private, horrifying conclusion around half a candle-mark ago. The hitch in Merlin’s breath, the widening of his eyes, and the slight, tiny flair of every candle in the room thankfully went unnoticed by everyone bar Arthur, Gwaine, and Lancelot.
When the room empties of councilmen, Merlin stands and paces away from the table, hands fiddling roughly with his sleeves. Arthur waves Morgana and Leon away, thanking them briefly before nodding pointedly at the door. Lancelot follows shortly, and Arthur has half a mind to send Gwaine away as well, but he knows that would be somewhat selfish as the other man approaches his partner’s turned back:
“Merlin? Something wrong? I thought that went remarkably well.”
Merlin’s head turns quickly, his furrowed brows confused:
“What? What went well?”
Gwaine raises an eyebrow, glancing briefly at the neatly stacked paperwork on the table:
“The meeting? About planning your coronation and the legalisation of magic? That we’ve been in all afternoon?”
Merlin untenses slightly, turning around properly and using one hand to rub at his eyes tiredly:
“Oh, yeah right. It did go well. They didn’t freak out too much at my evil sorcery, did they?”
He tries to go for a joking smirk, but it falls flat, and Arthur walks towards him to put a hand on his brother’s shoulder:
“What’s on your mind?”
Merlin sags even more and Arthur quickly steps forward, gathering the suddenly distraught man in a tight hug. Merlin easily accepts, burying his face in Arthur’s neck and clutching the back of his tunic with shaking hands:
“I compared my mother to Uther. I told her it was her fault that I didn’t want to be alive. She’s never going to forgive me.”
Arthur shuts his eyes, stroking a hand through Merlin’s hair and muttering a quiet:
“Oh, Merlin, she loves you more than anything in this world, there’s nothing to forgive.”
Merlin doesn’t look up, but shakes his head roughly; before he can argue, Gwaine steps around the two of them, pressing a kiss to the nape of Merlin’s neck before stepping back and stroking a soft hand over his back:
“What she did was wrong, Merls, you’re allowed to be angry. And now you’re not so angry anymore you can go sit down with her and talk it out, ok? There was no way that first conversation was going to be anything other than difficult and heartbreaking, but you got through it, and now you can sort it out properly.”
Merlin relaxes just a touch, and Arthur gets the disturbing feeling swelling in his gut that Gwaine knew of Merlin’s (hopefully, former) despairs before the whole... twin thing. When The Warlock finally pulls away, he thankfully looks a little more confident, despite the drying tears on his cheeks; Arthur gives him a soft smile and nods towards the door:
“Tonight, or tomorrow?”
Merlin takes a deep, fortifying breath, and walks towards the door purposefully, wiping his face clean before taking Gwaine’s offered hand in his own:
“Tonight, now. I should... I need to talk to Gaius as well. I’ve been unfairly punishing him for long enough, I think.”
Gwaine smiles understandingly, though Arthur, who rushes to catch up and walk on Merlin’s other side, shakes his head with a frown:
“Not unfairly, Merlin. It would be well within your rights to cut them out of your life for the foreseeable future for this. But I also understand wanting to forgive them so you have more... support. They may not be blood, Merlin, but... they are family, and that’s ok.”
Gwaine gives him an annoyed look at his first words, over Merlin’s shoulder, but doesn’t say anything. Merlin stops in the middle of the hallway, suddenly and without warning, and Gwaine grunts slightly when his arm is pulled back. The Warlock spares him an apologetic smile before turning his gaze to Arthur. Arthur raises an eyebrow, but Merlin tilts his head and frowns:
“Arthur you do know that... I consider you family above all others, right? you’re right, family doesn’t have to be blood,-”
He squeezes Gwaine’s hand, almost subconsciously, and receives a gentle squeeze back:
“-but after what we’ve found out, after all of this, all that we’re doing to... fix it, to fix what was done to us... you’re everything, you’re my brother. Me forgiving Hu... my mother, and Gaius, doesn’t change that I trust you above them, I consider you before them. They’re family, but you’re family first.”
Arthur’s eyes widen slightly at Merlin’s stern assertion, but he wills the tears in his eyes to disappear as he nods once, his jaw clenched with emotion. Merlin smirks slightly and rolls his eyes, muttering something about an “emotionally repressed idiot” before pulling him into an eagerly returned hug. Gwaine just snorts at both of them, happily leaning against the wall with crossed arms as he waits. They pull away fairly quickly, hyper aware of the fact that they were in the middle of the corridor, and whilst basically the whole citadel had picked up on the fact that something had changed, is changing, they didn’t want to let on too much until official public announcements were made.
They hurry in their journey to the Physician’s chambers, it was getting late and they wanted to sort this out as soon as possible; Gods know Merlin isn’t going to sleep a wink until he's spoken to his mother again.
They pause momentarily outside the door, taking deep breaths as they attempt to block out the hushed conversations coming from inside, not wanting to eavesdrop. Merlin turns to Gwaine with a nervous frown:
“Would you mind... waiting out here? Just for a minute?”
Gwaine gives him a soft smile and nods, pressing a kiss to his forehead and muttering “Call for me when you want me to come in, alright? I’m not going anywhere.” before giving Arthur an encouraging clap on the shoulder and stepping back to lean against the opposite wall.
Arthur sends a grateful smile the knight’s way, receiving a respectful nod in return, before he turns to the door. After a nod from Merlin, he raises a hand that shakes only slightly, and knocks. The murmured conversations stop immediately, and Gaius’ voice calls out:
“Enter.”
With one last look to each other, the brothers open the door and walk in together, shutting it gently behind them and turning to face the shocked pair. Hunith stares at Merlin with tears in her hopeful eyes, but Gaius quickly clears his throat and stands straight:
“How can I help, My Lords?”
Arthur sighs and Merlin shakes his head at the Physician’s formal address of them, rubbing a tired hand over his eyes before taking a small step forward :
“Don’t... I’m not... just Merlin, please.-”
His voice is quiet and tired, and the pleading tone it takes on deepens Arthur’s frown. He lets out a shaky breath, biting his lip before looking up to Hunith and continuing:
“-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. And I didn’t have any right to say those things; you’re... you’re nothing like Uther, and you did your best in a terrifying situation. You didn’t know any better, I shouldn’t blame you for how I turned out.”
Hunith’s tears overflow once again, and she takes in a shuddering breath as she steps hesitatingly towards the Warlock:
“Oh, my boy, you were right. I wasn’t ready to lose you, and I let that fear overcloud my judgement of what I knew to be right. I’m so sorry sweetheart, I should have told you who you were a long time ago, and it wasn’t fair of me to expect Gaius to carry on the lie, especially when you met Arthur, and especially when he found out about your magic.”
With that, Merlin pulls her into a tight hug, height difference be damned as he buries his face in her neck and shakes. Arthur gulps as he looks upon the scene, sharing a small, mournful smile with Gaius, the Physician understanding The Regent’s forgiveness in the small nod of his head. The hug doesn’t last quite as long as Arthur was expecting, though he supposes that forgiveness is more than just saying it aloud, and Merlin still has a great deal of self-worth related issues to get over, thanks to Hunith’s overly cautious raising of the boy. The Warlock clears his throat, his hands still on his mother’s shoulders as he gives her a weak smile:
“Igraine says thank you, by the way, for raising me with so much love.”
Hunith lets out a small chuckle, wiping away Merlin’s tears with soft hands:
“It was my honour, I’m glad that your... mother, is pleased.”
Merlin’s frown is brief, and he responds quickly:
“You’re my mother.”
Hunith’s smile grows, as does Merlin’s and she nods shakily, almost whispering:
“Ok... I... ok.”
Merlin lets go hesitatingly, but turns to Gaius after a moment or two. The Physician quickly interrupts anything the younger man could have said with a shake of his head and a soft smile, pulling him into a hug as he softly speaks:
“It’s alright, my boy. You were well within your rights to be angry, we had no right to lie to you in such a way.”
With Gaius and Merlin’s soft conversation happening to the side of the room, Hunith turns to Arthur with a hopeful smile on her face. He returns it faintly, and she pulls him into his own hug. He stiffens in her hold, wide eyes darting around the room as he clenches his hands at his side. It only takes her stroking a hand through his knotted hair for him to relax and hug her back:
“I’m honoured to have been able to raise your brother, Arthur, and I am sorry for keeping him from you for so long, it was selfish of me. I didn’t consider what you were losing, in not knowing that you weren’t alone, only what I would lose should I tell the truth.”
Arthur gulps and nods, but tightens his hold on her as the tears come to his eyes:
“It’s... ok. I understand, I think. The danger you put yourself in to raise and protect him was immense, I just wished I’d known sooner, so I could have done all of this sooner.”
They pull back, but Hunith keeps a tight hold on Arthur’s shoulders, an assessing frown on her face as she raises a hand to cup his cheek. Arthur leans into it, blushing slightly under her motherly gaze:
“I know. But you’re doing wonderfully, Arthur. You and Merlin will be the saviours of this Kingdom, I’m sure of it. Your mother would be so proud of you.”
A tear slips loose from Arthur’s eye as he harshly bites his lip. His voice comes out small and unsure, and Hunith has to resist the urge to pull him into another hug:
“You think?”
She just smiles and nods instead:
“I’m sure.”
Merlin and Gaius look upon the scene fondly, and Arthur’s blush deepens when he catches them staring. He steps back from Hunith who smirks at him knowingly as he frowns at Merlin:
“Shut up, Merlin.”
He just laughs and shakes his head:
“I always knew you had a soft spot for my mum.”
The Regent shakes his head and rolls his eyes, ignoring Merlin’s continued laughter:
“Either of you eaten? I’m starved.”
Gaius and Hunith’s smiles come a lot easier at that, and they shake their heads. Arthur leads the way out of the chambers, smiling and nodding at Gwaine’s raised eyebrow. The knight returns the smile, quickly sidling up to Merlin and re-taking his hand as Arthur speaks:
“I’ll let the kitchens know to have five meals sent up to my chambers, I’ll see you there in a moment.”
They part ways in the corridor, all of them with easy smiles and lighter hearts, especially when Gwaine eagerly regales his interpretation of Arthur’s reaction to having to crown him.
~
The next morning was once again tense. Arthur’s assertion late last night that he intended to finally deal with Uther weighs heavy in everyone’s minds.
Hunith and Gaius are once again tucked safely into the Physician’s chambers, and all of the King’s most trusted knights are called to stand guard in the corridor. Merlin and Arthur wear their smart clothes (a suggestion by Morgana that Gwaine thought was funny enough that he begged and begged until Merlin gave in), and they take in with them Leon and Morgana.
Uther looks manic, his hair unkept, his face unshaven. His clothes are clean at least, but they’re rumpled, likely due to the near constant pacing of the former King. The room is dark, the curtains obviously haven’t been opened in several days, but the dim candles highlight the mess throughout the room. Uther may still be being passed meals by the guards, but out of concern for the staff’s safety, no servants were granted access to tidy or otherwise serve.
His head whips around when the door opens, his enraged face turning red at the four people stood smartly by his door. He storms towards them, but Morgana, no longer scared of the consequences, holds a hand out and mutters a few golden words, halting him in his tracks. He apparently hasn’t lost his voice though, as he turns to Merlin:
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DAUGHTER?! YOU-”
Merlin rolls his eyes and clicks his fingers, his eyes also turning golden as Uther’s mouth shuts with a clack. Leon manages to hold his smirk in, just stands still as the perfect guard, his hand on the hilt of his sword, but Morgana doesn’t even try, smiling openly. Merlin holds Uther’s furious gaze for a few more moments before looking to Arthur at his side, tilting his head in question. The Regent nods at him before stepping forward, his back straight and his face and voice Kingly:
“You will listen, and you will listen well, because I will not repeat myself. You are the only abomination in this room, and you will live with that for the rest of your days. How long that is, is up to you. I am Regent, soon enough I will be King, Myrddin will be Crown Prince, and Morgana will be Princess; when that happens, magic will finally be fully legalised, and the public will be made aware of your crimes. I will not hide things from my people, not like you have. No matter what you deserve, I struggle to bring myself to sentence you to execution, and you’ll be humiliated to learn, I imagine, that Merlin argued in favour of letting you keep your head when I brought it up.-”
Uther glances angrily at Merlin, but looks back to Arthur when he realises that he’s still incapable of speaking:
“-Therefor your options are as follows: You may go to the summer home on the coast, where you will be under constant guard, but will otherwise have a semi-free life. You will stay in Camelot, but live out the remainder of your days in this room only. Or me and Merlin will take a week long trip away to, say, Nemeth, whilst Princess Morgana and Sir Leon announce, organise, and undergo your execution. You have today to decide, we’ll be back this evening.”
Arthur doesn’t bother waiting for a reaction, turning his back on Uther and gesturing the others to lead the way through the door. He pauses momentarily, one hand on the door frame as he turns back, a mournful frown on his face as he quietly speaks:
“If you had just told the truth, if you had just owned up to making a mistake, you, me, Myrddin, Morgana, we... we could have been a family. You’re the one that ruined that, you’re the one that tore us apart, and I swear to you now, that whatever option you pick, I will never forgive you.”
That only seems to enrage Uther more, but Arthur isn’t quite sure why he bothered to hope for another reaction. He shuts the door behind him, waving at Merlin to reset the magical locks as he sighs and rubs tired hands over his face:
“Well at least that’s over and done with.”
Leon pats him on the shoulder consolingly, and Elyan raises an eyebrow, glancing around at the others and sighing when he realises no one else is going to ask:
“He didn’t take it well then, I’m guessing?”
Arthur takes a deep breath and stands straight, shaking his head. Morgana is the one to answer however, and Arthur appreciates the way she makes a genuine attempt to keep the humour out of her voice:
“No, he wasn’t best pleased, but I think he’s accepted that he has well and truly lost this battle. Something he’s not entirely used to, I suppose.”
The knights nod in understanding, and Merlin lets out a deep breath, tilting his head slightly:
“Weird to think that he’s my... dad... ugh.”
They all chuckle at that, even Arthur, though they all stop with concerned frowns when Merlin suddenly straightens up with wide eyes and an open mouth:
“Oh... my God... how did I...- What?!”
Arthur puts a hand on his shoulder, his frown deepening:
“Merls?”
The Warlock just ignores him, turning to Morgana with still wide eyes:
“You’re my sister! I’ve been focusing so much on how Arthur’s my brother that I didn’t even consider the fact that you’re my sister!”
Morgana takes in a sudden breath, and all bar Leon (who just raises an eyebrow and then rolls his eyes when he realises that he’s the only one unsurprised by this) stare at the two of them in shock. Morgana slowly pulls Merlin into a hug, and the two of them clutch each other tightly as a grin grows on Arthur’s face. Leon gives him another clap on the back, this one more congratulatory (if a little confused. Honestly, how did they miss that?), and the others cheer just as Gwen turns the corner into the corridor. She smiles confusedly at Merlin and Morgana, still hugging, as she sidles up to Leon, whispering:
“What’s the occasion? They find Uther dead?”
Leon laughs but shakes his head, leaning down to mutter his response:
“They only just now figured out that they’re siblings.”
She looks up to him quickly with a disbelieving raise of the eyebrows:
“Wait, just now as in, just now?-”
Leon smirks and nods firmly, and Gwen shakes her head as she laughs:
“-It’s been almost a week.”
Leon laughs as well leaning against the wall as the others chatter excitedly among themselves:
“Yeah, apparently you and I are the only ones who had considered the idea. These are all the smartest people I’ve ever come across...”
He trails off, but Gwen looks up at him with a teasing smirk:
“And yet sometimes...?”
They both laugh quietly, shaking their heads when Percival catches their eyes and tilts his head in question.
The group walks away soon enough, heading to one of the smaller dining rooms for an early lunch and a chance to discuss their intentions for this afternoon’s council meeting. Morgana, Merlin, and Arthur walk together, and conversation flows between all bar Gwaine, who stares at the back of his now betrothed’s head with the quiet adoration and lowly simmering excitement of someone that knew the man he loves is finally getting all that he deserves.
~
END of Part 3!!!
Part 4 will be VERY short. Will be just about post coronation and public announcement, will probably contain Merwaine’s wedding, some casual magic, some more family bonding.
I hope y’all enjoyed this!!! I wrote it surprisingly quickly once I set my mind to it
#merwaine#bbc merlin#good morgana#protective arthur#platonic merthur#hunith and arthur bonding!!#hunith basically adopts arthur#hunith really goes: time to add another prince who isn't actually mine to the family#merlin and arthur are twins#protective gwaine#king arthur#arthur pendragon#uther is a dick#morgana#everyone knows about everyones magic#sir leon#leon#sir gwaine#gwaincelot#sir percival#percival#sir lancelot#lancelot#sir elyan#gwen#guinevere#gaius#kilgharrah#angst#angst with a happy ending
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Moon in Astrology: Who are you really?
the moon sign tells us how and the moons house tells us where;
who are you really...
Aries Moon:
🐯 you are very childlike and youthful-young at heart, you never want to grow up and deal with real world adult life
🐯 you are extremely passion driven, you see something you like and you stop at nothing to get it
🐯 you are a very impatient person, you want what you want and you want it now-its hard for you to stay in one spot or in one mood you are always moving forward
🐯 you struggle most with anger, it consumes you, makes your blood boil-there is an untammed rage that lives inside you
🐯 your mother may have been very childlike and have aggressive temper tantrums or alternatively been extremely driven, loving, and passionate
Taurus moon:
👛 you are grounded and reality focuesed, your feet are firmly on the ground so much so it is hard for you to ever really relax
👛 you find it hard to keep motivated, and match others pace, you like to take it easy and go at your own pace-you do not work well under pressure
👛 you struggle with overindulgence. this could be food-related, money related, drugs, anything. It is a coping mechanism which you use to fill emotional voids.
Gemini moon:
👭 you are deeply afraid of emotional connection, you avoid it at all costs, because you dont know how to relate to others on an emotional level, only intellectual. you lack emotional intellegence and too find it difficult to address ans understand your own feelings let alone others.
👭 you use hummor a lot to deflect. Hummor that is often other-focused, making fun of others, other peoples behaviour, or the external environemnt. Your joking nature can often be regarded as offensive, outlandish or unwarented to some, this is not what you intend, but you dont feel accountable for offending others with who you are. This is purely a mechanism to detract from yourself and the flaws you recognise in yourself.
👭 your mother may have been emotionally distant and not encouraged talking about feelings
Cancer moon:
🐚 you are extremely soft, loving, and giving, but this is a side of yourself you like to keep under wraps. Your emotions are strong, intuitive, and bold, you have a great understanding and knack for relating to others emotionally and can often sense pain and emotional hurt in others. You are a healer, a nurter and a giver-these are great qualities which can sometimes be abused and taken advantage of by others leaving you feeling drained and used.
🐚 you are highly sensitive and words cut deep for you. you take things said to you and about you to heart and can act out in a childish and/or volitile way when you feel attacked. This is a coping mechanism at dealing with your emorional pain which can ultimately leave you feeling even more emotional unrest.
Leo moon:
🌞 you are like sunshine, bold, bright, and full of energy. You are a bit of a primadonna/diva, you give off a lot of confidence, and like to talk yourself up. This is often an overcompensation for an upbringing that was focused on performance. You may only know of how to recieve love and affection from putting on a show.
🌞 you overexaggerate. This is a means to gain sympathy and attention that you so dearly crave. Your mother may have been very self-involved and never gave you the attention you needed.
Virgo moon:
🥗 you are a worry wort, you are constantly on high alert, looking behind your back, on the edge of your seat, in a constant state of over-arousal. You are always anticipating something to go wrong or thinking about what could go wrong, this keeps you up at night.
🥗 you need routine. others like it, or hate it, but you need it for emotional stability. You need to have things exactly how you like them when you like it. Control is a huge thing for you, this could be because your mother was very particular with how she raised you and always stuck with a routine, this may help remind you of a time you felt safe.
Libra moon:
⏳ you are self-unaware. You don’t have the best grasp on who you are, what you want, or what you are about. To cope with this, you seek out qualities in yourself you cant see in others. This means your connections with others are a vital part of your emotional idenity and without these meaningful relationships you crumble.
⏳ you struggle with dependancy on others, when others let you down you feel lost and cheated.
⏳ you may also struggle with disharmony in your relationships, whenever you argue or come into disagreements with others it can be realy damaging to you emotionally because you rely so much on reassurance from others to confirm your idenity. It may also really bother you because conflict is something you like to avoid, you would prefer to disregard your own opinion/feelings if it means you get to keep the peace and avoid the argument.
Scorpio moon:
🦅 you keep your cards close to your chest, your secrets are guarded by your heart, and your vulnerable side is rarely exposed. This is a coping mechanism to avoid disspaoitment and emotional unrest. As although you are a deeply emotional individual and feels things on a intense level, it scares you, who you are and what you feel are intensely overwhelming and this is something you want to keep burried deep within.
🦅 you are emotionally manipulative at worst and at best extremely emotionally intellegently tactful. you understand emotions very well, are extremely intiuitive, and can feel vibes and undercurrents that others cannot pick up on. This can make it very easy for you to take advantage of others emotional state to your advantge, or alternatively provide in-depth counselling and targted advice.
Sagittarius moon:
🏹 you are free-spirited and wise. You are naturally exapnsively minded, you are open to new things and new challenges more than most people, you are a risk-taker, and don’t fear the consequences of your rash actions.
🏹 you are emotionally void of expressing your feelings in a way that can be understood and heard by others. As you would rather deflect using hummor/running away or any other way possible. You don’t like to dwell on negative feelings, however you embrace and overexaggerate the positive ones.You are an optimist, almost depricatingly so that you don’t accept negative facts of reality.
Capricorn moon:
⚔️ you are practical, driven, goal-orientated and very prideful. Your extremely driven, which is what makes you so hungry for success in material form, whether that be wealth/trophies/awards/property/power/fame, you want something tangible you can show ofd for your hard work. This can sometimes be easy for you to neglect other areas in your life and see to emotional coldness/distance. You see feelings as time-wasteing, impratcial and a burden onto others. You wouldn’t want to worry/annoy others with your problems.
⚔️ your mother may have been absent or not very emotionally present in your life or taken on the role of the father, or may have been raised by a single parent. This may have made it hard for you to ever feel like you can be emotionally vulnerable with a care giver who was too busy or not present.
Aquarius moon:
🦩 you are unlike anyone else, you have a different way of seeing the world to others and often for this feel misunderstood. You may struggle with feelings of alienation, and often feel lonely, like no one can ever truely understand you.
🦩 you are an activist, a humanitarian, and have some very strong beliefs that you firmly stand by. You stand up for the underdog when no one else will because that who you identify with most.
🦩 highly stubborn, things are often your way or the highway. you dont shy away from confrontation nd in fact love to hammer your point home. this can get you into trouble.
🦩 you are emotionally closed-off, not because you are unemotional because you feel intensely and on a global scale, but because you don’t understand them. you are intellectually dominated, you think too hard, its hard for you to verbalise or understand emotions.
Pisces mooon:
🔮 you are soulful, an old soul, artsy, and often psychic. You feel on a mass scale, you are an emotional spounge-picking up on the undercurrents and vibrations of others. this can leave you in a very vulnerable state of being taken asvantage of as well as beinf emotionally abused and drainned because you take on so much of others pain.
🔮 likewise you are very sefless, you would do anything for those you love without thinking about how it affects you, always putting others wants and needs before your own.
🔮 you can be prone to addiction, either alcohol or drug abuse, or something completely different; shopping, money, sex, eating etc.
where this is expressed...
1st house: who you really are is shown on the outside, you dont hide who you are or pretend to be someone youre not. you are true to yourself.
2nd house: who you really are is shown in your values, you are what you value. your possessions reflect your true self, you buy and collect material items that express yourself and how you feel.
3rd house: who you really are is shown in how you communicate and talk to others. You express yourself and how you feel in the way you write and talk and how you interact with your siblings-they know the real you.
4th house: who you really are is shown in how in your private space, this could be your home, your room, a place where you feel safe and comfortable, your family know the real you.
5th house: who you really are is shown in your creative purisuits, what you do for fun, and how you express yourself creativly is where your heart really lies.
6th house: who you really are is shown in how you schedule your day and go about your mundane everyday chores, also in how you care for your pets-they know the real you.
7th house: who you realy are is shown in your partnerships; romantic and professional. you enter partnerships with people who you possess qualities you dont recognise in yourself.
8th house: who you really are is shown in your secrets and what you keep hidden from others.
9th house: who you really are is shown in your belifs religious or otherwise.
10th house: who you really are is shown in your reputation, or what you are striving to achieve.
11th house: who you really are is shown in your friendships, and how you feel about the collective.
12th house: who you really are is shown in your subconcious, dreams, and other altered states.
#astrology#astrocommunity#libra#aquarius#aries#astrologyvenus#capricorn#pisces#astrologymeme#gemini#moon#moonsigns#mooninthehouses#geminimoon#scorpiomoon#piscesmoon#ariesmoon#libramoon#capricornmoon#mooninthe1st#12thhousemoon
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In my opinion, one of the reasons JC went crazy after WWX’s death and started venting his own anger and hatred on every demonic cultivator he met, regardless if they were guilty or innocent, is that he couldn’t stand the fact that he hadn’t managed to deal the killing blow to WWX. After all his effort in leading the siege and using the information he had on the Burial Mounds to plan the action and convince everyone else to follow him, he wasn’t even the one who actually killed WWX. WWX died because one of his cultivation techniques backfired and he was torn to pieces by his own ghost army.
I think JC couldn’t accept this. After everything he had done - and thinking he was justified in hating WWX for all the perceived wrongdoings he believed he was a victim of - WWX had managed to surpass him once again. Nobody was able to kill him, not even him.
We know JC’s reaction in the aftermath of the siege because JGY and XY directly comment on it in the extra focused on them:
Xue Yang, “What about his flute? Can you get me Chenqing?”
Jin GuangYao shrugged, “Not Chenqing. Jiang WanYin took it.”
Xue Yang, “Doesn’t he hate Wei WuXian the most? Why would he need Chenqing? Didn’t you also get that sword of Wei WuXian’s? Give him the sword in exchange for the flute. It’s long since Wei WuXian stopped using his sword, while Suibian sealed itself and nobody can pull it out. What’s the use of keeping a fucking piece of decoration?”
Jin GuangYao, “You really ask me to do the impossible, Young Master Xue. Do you think I haven’t tried? How could anything be that simple. That Jiang WanYin has already gone mad. He still thinks Wei WuXian hasn’t died. If Wei WuXian returned, he might not search for his sword, but he’d definitely come for Chenqing. And so, he would definitely not give up Chenqing. A few more words of mine, and he might blow up.”
Xue Yang sniggered, “A mad dog.”
(Chapter 118, ExR translation)
Whatever JC had tried to achieve by leading the siege, he wasn’t able to achieve it. If the only thing he had wanted was to punish WWX for his deeds, he would have been satisfied with his own role in WWX’s death. I don’t think killing WWX was the only thing he wanted, though. He was probably trying to prove something, to himself and everyone else. He wanted to prove that he could surpass WWX for once, and that WWX had been wrong all along in choosing to put himself at risk to help others instead of listening to him. He wanted WWX to admit it was all his fault.
After a while of silence, Jiang Cheng asked, “You’ll stay like this from now on? Got any plans?”
Wei WuXian, “Not at the moment. None of the group dares go down the mountain. People don’t dare do anything anything to me when I go down the mountain either. It’ll be fine as long as I don’t stir up trouble on my own.”
“On your own?” Jiang Cheng sneered, “Wei WuXian, do you believe that even if you don’t stir up trouble on your own, trouble won’t come and find you? It’s often impossible to save someone, but there are more than thousands of ways to harm someone.”
Wei WuXian replied as he ate, “A man with strength can defeat ten with skill. I don’t care if they have thousands of ways. I’ll kill whoever comes.”
Jiang Cheng spoke in a cool voice, “You never listen to any of my opinions. One day, you’ll come to understand that I’m the one who’s right.”
(Chapter 75, ExR translation)
JC had always tried to convince WWX to abandon his path. Since he couldn’t outshine WWX in any way, he wanted to at least prove he was right in the path he had chosen, that choosing to help others at the expense of oneself ultimately wasn’t worth it. But WWX wasn’t swayed in the least. He kept walking resolutely on his single-plank bridge in the dark, regardless of what anyone else thought.
WWX was aware of JC’s mentality: he knew JC wouldn’t willingly put his own reputation at risk to help him protect Wens if he could avoid it. This was one of the main things that divided them since they were teenagers: their values and outlooks were simply too different, it was only a matter of time before their choices made them take completely diverging paths. WWX was fine anyway, he could take care of himself - this mindset could be seen as too overconfident, but he wasn’t completely wrong. He knew he could protect the Wen remnants even without relying on anyone else, since he managed to do it for two years before everything crumbled at Qiongqi Path.
In the end, Jin Zixun ambushed WWX accusing him of something he hadn’t done, and everything spiraled down so quickly he couldn’t do anything to prevent it, until he lost control of his demonic cultivation and killed Jin Zixuan. The sects’ suspicion towards him turned into open hostility and everyone was immediately ready to consider him an actual threat to them all. After the bloodbath of Nightless City, WWX was labeled as the scourge of the cultivation world, an enemy that should be eliminated to guarantee everyone’s peace and safety.
At first glance, one could think JC was right and WWX was wrong. But if this was really what the novel is trying to tell us, why was JC unable to move on for thirteen years, while WWX was immediately ready to start a new life and leave everything in the past after he was brought back? Even when JC managed to capture WWX and confronted him, WWX didn’t have anything to say to him.
The cup was steaming. Before he had taken a single sip, Jiang Cheng suddenly hurled it at the floor. He lifted the corner of his lip slightly and spoke. “You—you don’t have anything to say to me?”
[...]
“I don’t know what to say to you,” Wei Wuxian replied sincerely.
“So you refuse to repent,” Jiang Cheng said in a low voice.
In their past conversations, they had frequently tried to sarcastically undermine each other. Wei Wuxian thus replied without thinking, “Similarly, you haven’t improved a single ounce either.”
Jiang Cheng’s answering smile was brimming with fury. “Fine. Then let’s see which of us truly hasn’t shown an ounce of improvement.”
(Chapter 24, Fanyiyi translation)
I think this exchange is very interesting: WWX and JC are no longer bickering or teasing each other as they so frequently did in the past. What had once been a complicated relationship with genuine affection beneath it all, now retained only the semblance of it. There’s no more warmth, no more anything worth trying to repair. While JC is still adamant about using WWX as a scapegoat to avoid reflecting on his own mistakes, WWX has long since moved on. He doesn’t even feel resentment towards JC, he just wants to live his new life freely.
JC is an interesting foil for WWX, their interactions show how fundamentally incompatible they are and both of their character arcs highlight one of the main themes of the novel: the importance of letting go of all the grudges and negative feelings and remembering the good things, since only then one can truly be free. This is something WWX knows perfectly well:
Wei WuXian propped his arm on Lil’ Apple’s head, spinning Chenqing in his hand, “My mom said you have to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.”
This was one of the only things he remembered about his parents.
(Chapter 113, ExR translation)
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IOTA Reviews: Rocketear
The Rocketeer is a 1991 Disney movie set in 1930's America where a test pilot gets a jetpack and uses it to fight Nazis and— Wait, what? “Rocketear”? Oh, damn it!
Let's get into the eleventh (chronologically the seventeenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Rocketear.
We start off with Carapace and Cat Noir struggling to hold back some T-Rexes brought back to life by a scientist Jurassic Park style. Seriously, they reference the movie in the same scene.
Why wasn't this the plot of the episode again?
After managing to tame the dinosaurs with a whistle of all things, Ladybug notices something's wrong with Nino after he gives the Turtle Miraculous back to her. Apparently, he's wondering why Rena Rouge (who he knows is Alya) wasn't recruited with him today. Ladybug tells him that he was the only help she needed today. In reality, it's because Alya has adjusted to her new role of supporting Ladybug behind the scenes in her new form, Rena Furtive.
And I'm not a fan of the new form. I get the camo, but it doesn't really help her blend in when her suit is bright blue. I think it's based off the arctic fox, but that animal is able to camouflage itself because it's fur matches the snowy environment. I'm sure a bright blue jumpsuit won't stand out when she tries to blend in at all. Also, the fact that Alya can just change her hero form gives even less excuses as to why Ladybug's new form is only when she uses her Lucky Charm.
Alya is struggling to keep this a secret from Nino because they don't have a lot of secrets in their relationship. Marinette says she can kind of get it because she had to keep her identity a secret from her friend and has to keep keeping her identity a secret from everyone else. Basically, she's telling Alya to suck it up because this is what being a superhero is.
So the next time she sees Nino, Alya tells him she's no longer Rena Rouge, but not about Rena Furtive, which troubles her. The very next scene shows Alya showing Marinette pictures she took of her new costume and asking her which version looks better.
You could always try reviewing Akuma fights. I heard there's one blog that does it when they're not criticizing the famous director Thomas Astruc on social media.
Yeah, in case you can't tell, Alya was only able to rent her brain for a few episodes because she really doesn't seem as understanding about being a superhero as she was in earlier episodes. In episodes like “Optigami” and “Sentibubbler”, we saw Alya use more strategy and show discretion as Rena Rouge, seemingly taking her job more seriously, but then this episode just had to go and piss it all away. I also love how the first time the animators made Alya's skin the same when she's transformed is in a single frame for a joke.
Alya thankfully deletes the picture, but Nino overhears her talking about struggling to find more content for the Ladyblog, and decides to go to the movies with her to help take her mind off things. Nino, in turn, proceeds to give the same reaction to the in-universe Ladybug movie that Astruc gives to the PV.
Apparently, that movie's already getting a sequel and it has a teaser. So was the sequel animated at the same time as the original like Back to the Future Part II and Back to the Future Part III?
Nino gets pissed the next movie in the Ladybug Cinematic Universe will feature Rena Rouge and not Carapace... even though Rena Rouge debuted first. The teaser then shows Rena Rouge falling for Cat Noir (yet another creative liberty taken by the writers or something Astruc's self-insert threw in himself), and takes it like it's the real thing. Dude, the first movie said Ladybug was afraid of cats, and the director yelled at the person it was based on for judging it. He clearly has a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality.
Alya leaves Nino early so she can go on patrol, but Nino sees Cat Noir heading out as well. He then watches a video on the Ladyblog where Alya praises Cat Noir which is totally not Astruc projecting or anything.
I don't know what your definition of a prince is, Alya, and I honestly don't want to know.
So Nino takes this as evidence that Alya is in love with Cat Noir and decides to tell Adrien, who naturally laughs him off. And just before you think we have an episode where Adrien plays the straight man, Adrien decides to visit Alya because he's afraid he accidentally charmed Alya.
Yes, because Cat Noir is so charming, girls are just fighting over him, aren't they?
We then cut to a black and white film noir monologue by Nino (dressed like a detective with a fake mustache), who decides to spy on Alya. When Cat Noir asks Alya if she is attracted to him, she naturally laughs him off, though Cat Noir is thankfully a good sport about it, even giving her a hug to apologize. Unfortunately, Nino took this the wrong way.
The next day at school, Nino takes Adrien into his “office” (it's really an excuse to reuse the boiler room setpiece), and shows him the picture of the hug. Adrien says that Alya would never fall for Cat Noir because she's always dedicated to finding out the truth and telling her boyfriend everything. What's Nino's retort?
Okay, several problems with this bit. First of all, why would Nino even tell Adrien any of this? What would it accomplish? Why not say all this to Alya while confronting her about her alleged unfaithfulness? Second, Ladybug didn't give Nino and Alya their Miraculous at the same time until it was an absolute emergency. She outright said in “Hero's Day” that she didn't have time to recruit Nino and Alya separately.
Ladybug: I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I know I'm revealing your secret identities but I don't have time to find a good excuse to give them to you separately. Rena Rouge and Carapace, I need you both!
Nino and Alya kept their identities secret from each other until then, with Alya even keeping the fact she knew who Carapace was a secret as well. Nino didn't find out because “they don't hide anything from each other” (which I plan to talk about later).
Other than that, I actually liked Adrien in this scene. It was really investing to see him try to justify the whole secret identities rule while Nino blatantly said there was an exception. This is the kind of stuff I wanted to see when it came to Adrien doubting Ladybug, not him destroying things in his anger.
While Nino rants about how Cat Noir “stole” Alya from him, Shadowmoth sends an Akuma his way, turning him into Rocketear.
And the design he has is just boring. It's just a blue jumpsuit with some black spots that look like teardrops, a teardrop-shaped head and a visor. I think the reason this season's been relying more on past Akumas and using more Sentimonsters is because DQ is terrible at character designs. I mean, compare this suit with Aigraon from Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger (his Power Rangers counterpart is Wrench from Dino Charge).
The design does so much more with the teardrop motif, giving him a perpetually miserable face with tear lines going all over his body. Add that to a more diverse color scheme, and you have a much more visually stunning design. And this was created in real life, not rendered on a computer. I'm not sure if this is a budget thing or a laziness thing, but if it's the former, you really need to do better, animators.
The powers are meh, giving Nino the ability to fling explosive tears at enemies. It's a clever idea, and it makes sense he gets a power that parallels Cat Noir's, but I think maybe it would have been more interesting if he couldn't control the tears at all. Like, imagine if he was constantly crying like Blue Diamond, and with every tear he shed, Rocketeer could send it at whoever he felt was causing him misery, mainly Cat Noir, all while serving as a metaphor for people who blame others for their own personal issues. Better yet, make him look like the detective outfit Nino wore for the second act. It would have made him more unpredictable instead of making his tears generic projectile weapons.
Marinette and Alya see the fight and transform into Ladybug and Rena Furtive respectively, the former summoning her Lucky Charm, a projector. Is it just me, or has this been happening with Ladybug a lot recently?
Back to Rocketear, we get a good moment where Cat Noir intentionally lets the Akuma hit him so he can get a chance to resolve things diplomatically. See, this is a moment where Cat Noir's self-sacrificing nature feels heroic and not selfish like when he does it without Ladybug's permission to spite her. Unfortunately, it doesn't really go anywhere as Ladybug shows up and plays the recording Nino took (Alya found his phone earlier), while Rena Furtive uses her Mirage to give the audio to what actually happened that night.
Rena transforms back into Alya and embraces Rocketear, who apologizes to her for his behavior. And then he just... rejects Shadowmoth's power while looking like it wasn't that much effort.
At least when Chloe and Alya did it, we saw them struggling for a little longer. I guess maybe it's because Nino is motivated by his love for Alya, but I think it should have been fleshed out more. So Ladybug purifies the Akuma, gives Nino a Magical Charm, and Cat Noir is still unsure about his feelings for Ladybug at the moment, though they still pound it.
Back in his room, Adrien ponders why Alya and Nino get to know their identities while he and Ladybug can't, but Plagg points out it's because she's the Guardian. It's brief, but I do like seeing Adrien start to doubt Ladybug's judgment, and it looks like it'll foreshadow future episodes. This is a problem I've had since “Hero's Day”, and I'm glad the writers are finally acknowledging this double standard. I just hope they don't end up blaming Marinette for whatever happens later on.
Marinette, of course, apologizes for what happened between Alya and Nino, and I have to say... yeah, no. It's obviously Nino's fault here.
Nino really pushed personal boundaries in this episode, much like Marinette's friends in “Gang of Secrets”. Yes, honesty is a valuable trait, but sometimes, people have secrets they want to keep to themselves. Nino's idea of “not hiding anything from each other” is somewhat controlling, like he's demanding Alya tell him everything whether she wants to or not. The fact that he immediately assumed Alya was cheating on him without giving her freedom to make her own choices doesn't make him look good. Let's be honest, a more realistic outcome would be Alya choosing to break things off with Nino or at least lecture him about how she can do what she wants and keep the secrets she wants. But instead...
And that's how the episode ends.
Okay, Marinette just said she trusted Alya to make the right decision, but I highly doubt she meant this. Marinette strictly said Alya had to keep Rena Furtive a secret, and now she's telling Nino this despite the risk? The whole reason Marinette and Luka broke up was because Marinette had to keep her secrets from Luka, but now it's okay for Alya to be completely honest? How is this not a double standard?
This episode was just dull, and there’s not even much I can really say about it.. There were a handful of standout moments, and the stuff with Adrien was somewhat compelling, but Nino's behavior was just insufferable and dragged the episode down. The Akuma fight was weak, only lasting about four minutes at most, and while the Lucky Charm was more creative this time, the plot was just frustrating. It's really one of the weaker episodes this season.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the better Rocketeer.
#immaturity of thomas astruc#iota#thomas astruc#thomas astruc salt#miraculous ladybug#miraculous ladybug salt#marinette dupain cheng#ladybug#adrien agreste#cat noir#chat noir#alya cesaire#rena rouge#rena furtive#nino lahiffe#carapace#rocketear#gabriel agreste#hawkmoth#hawk moth#shadowmoth#shadow moth#plagg#bob roth
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What are you like irl? This is a venting/toxic blog for you. I can’t imagine you get to express these thoughts tangibly. What do your friends think of you? Your peers and coworkers?
It depends on who I am with and the situation I am in, really ? I can be nice in person . I can be mean in person . I can be affectionate in person . I can be violently angry in person .
I do have frequent rage episodes . Those who spend a lot of time around me are aware of this . A lot of the people I work with closely know I am prone to angry outbursts, generally see others as lesser than me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they would consider me toxic . I have been said to have “ anger issues ” and even had it brought up to me in person that I may have some sort of personality disorder .
That said, I do not think that even they would expect me to be this aware of and unapologetic about the way I am .
I don’t think they would assume I actively enjoyed the suffering of others as much as I do or had any long — term goals to break people down and make them do what benefits me . I am more inclined to be impulsive, but when I am not being impulsive, it is usually due to my deep — seated control issues or hatred for disrespect . . .
I don’t care about almost anyone I meet, in person or online ( although it’s easier to be completely open online . ) I am not typically open about this, but I also don’t really go out of my way to hide it . I do not enjoy having fake confidants or anything like that . I only want to interact with others enough to satisfy a need for attention and maintain the connections I profit off . . . I do not enjoy making anyone think I deeply care for them when I do not . I actually . . . find it quite disgusting ? I do experience genuine connections, although rare, and I value them a lot . I can understand dishonesty and manipulation in many settings, but that just seems pointlessly cruel . . .
Outside of that, when it comes to the people I associate with at social events, they don’t really know me on a personal level . They may feel as if they do because I’m very social and talkative . They may feel familiar with my interests, the way I talk about things, and how I interact with others in these spaces, but they really don’t know much at all about how I think or feel . They don’t need to . I don’t want to make enemies within my own community . I understand that I shouldn’t expect the same from them as I do people who work under me, are reliant on me, or have agreed to stay by me .
I don’t take shit from anyone, and I am very open about this . I don’t go around telling people that I don’t experience empathy or that I’m aware that I’m considered to be very emotionally unstable, but I am not afraid to tell someone to fuck off when they really get on my nerves . I have allegedly assaulted people for being knowingly disrespectful when I am in a particularly bad mood .
I am not in a position where I have to really rely on anyone else, such as a boss in the workplace, for example . It would be hard to handle that, honestly ! I understand that I would have to show them some degree of respect if I wanted to avoid inconveniencing myself, however . . .
I am not open about the reasons for my outbursts . I do not trust almost anyone who knows me personally enough to be vulnerable with them .
Although I don’t have a “ fake nice ” persona, or really any mostly — artificial persona, I am more prone to only showing the surface — level shit outside of this blog . . . I think everyone is like this, to some extent . Regardless of our mood, we tend smile more at parties than we do when we are alone . It is the same for me .
I can be excessively affectionate, complimentary, and assuring when I really need something from someone, but this is something I do both online and in person . It is mostly to help them calm down or to prevent them from leaving me when I worry about that .
That’s how I see it, at least !
I have LOTS of acquaintances, but I have no desire to allow them to be anything more to me . I am happy engaging in surface — level conversations over cocktails at a club, learning about them and not myself, and only interacting further if I have a reason to ( either because they are genuinely interesting or profitable . . . Both are rare ! )
Small doses . . . That tends to be the most manageable . I can usually go a few hours without flipping my shit in spaces where everyone is supposed to have fun ~ !
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call it what you want - bucky barnes
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
summary: falling in love with your best friend is hard, especially if all you want is to wear his initials on a chain round your neck & kiss his face
a/n: oh my god i’m so proud of this i’m in my feels just writing it :’) pls understand the reference and appreciate it, my swiftie heart needs it !!!!! pls lmk what u guys think <3
warnings: a lil angst but honesty it’s very fluffy okay
bucky barnes was not a man of many words. he was a man made up of long looks and subtle hints, mysterious in nature. unpredictable and yet incredibly reliable.
but most importantly he was a man made up of so so much love. brimming with it, actually. bucky was made to love others.
you knew that, of course. he had shown you in every way how it felt to truly be loved.
but his love was slow, and painful, and often time consuming. the kind of love that came out in little actions, that took months, even years, to really feel it.
you'd been more than happy to be patient. to wait while bucky realized that you weren't going anywhere, that you weren't afraid of him, that he didn't need to push you away. your patience had been worth it, all beautiful things take time.
and your friendship with bucky was just that, beautiful. he trusted you more than any other person in the compound. well, other than steve of course.
though neither of you had ever said it aloud, you were his person. and he was yours. the two of you relied on each other more than you cared to admit. during missions, when his command and voice had saved you a countless number of times. but also just in your daily lives, where your comforting presence put him at ease in uncomfortable situations.
your heart was bursting with love and admiration for the man you had watched grow out of his shell into something better, someone stronger.
and how could you not fall in love with someone like james buchanan barnes?
frankly, it was inevitable.
everything he did made you fall deeper into this sinking, fantastic, terrifying, love for him. the way he said your name. the way he looked for you in a crowd. the way he understood what you were thinking before you even had to say it aloud. the way he always placed his fingers on your back as you walked. the way he adopted a stray cat off the streets and let you name it.
falling for your best friend? more likely then you might think.
and even though just the color of his eyes made you want to kiss him senseless, you couldn't do anything about it.
it would be selfish of you to act on your feelings. it would mean taking away the lifelong friendship the two of you had built.
so as you sat beside him on his bed, your head on his metal shoulder, some cliché movie you told bucky he needed to watch playing in front of you, your heart longed for the soldier sitting next to you.
bucky's hand traced little patterns on your thigh, just lines and every now and then a small circle. you were more focused on his touch than on the plot of the movie, the way bucky was.
but bucky's mind was on everything but the film. all of his attention was focused on your breathing, the way it hitched slightly whenever he let his fingers linger on your thigh for too long. the way you closed your eyes in content whenever something funny happened. he was watching you, in awe of you.
lately, bucky couldn't do anything but admire you.
as the movie played on you fiddled with your hands as a distraction, praying that your plaguing thoughts would calm down so you could enjoy this moment with bucky. but when he started drawing letters on your thigh you knew it was no use. the movie was the last thing you cared about right then.
you peaked your eyes at him, finding him already watching you. you averted your eyes to his hand on your thigh and focused on the letter. “h” you said out loud, “e,y. hey,” you combined his letters. you felt bucky nod his head and then begin again, spelling out ‘doll’ on your thigh.
you grinned up at him, feeling the air leave your lungs at the icy blue of his eyes. “hey doll,” you laughed, “hey buck.”
he smiled back at you. the way you said his name made him turn into an absolute mess. he knew he’d do anything for your if you just said his name in that pretty way of yours.
his smile had a similar effect on you. a blush spread across your cheeks and you moved your eyes back to your fingers on your lap, wishing your had a ring or something to fiddle around with.
bucky furrowed his brows at your anxious movements, “you okay honey?”
you nodded your head but the anxious butterflies in your stomach increased at his much too sweet nickname.
he lifted your head off of his shoulder, forcing you to sit cross legged facing you. you let out a small whine at the loss of contact, since he had to move his hand off of your thigh. he chuckled and grabbed your hands so you’d stop moving them around, “honey?”
you let out a sigh, if only you could tell him what was really bothering you. if only you could tell him that every single touch, word, action from him sent your body and mind into overdrive. tell him how unfair it was that he had so much control over you. “just wish i had something to mess with” you said lightly.
bucky thought on your words for a moment, visually searching his room for something he could give you. then he heard the familiar ‘clink’ of his dog tags touching around his neck. he let out a shaky breath at the idea but this was you. he let go of his hand and slipped the chain off of his neck and around yours.
you let out a small gasp as the cold metal pressed on the back of your neck. your fingers instinctively went to the tags on the chain and pressed them between your fingers. your mouth was parted in shock as you looked up at him, not understanding why he’d given you his most prized possession.
he shrugged, as if it was the most casual thing in the world, “just mess with my dog tags. it’s no big deal.”
that was it. those words send you over the edge. enough was enough. how could he say it wasn’t a big deal? when the action made your mind go wild. it was a big deal, by giving you his tags bucky was giving you yet another part of him.
a part of him you didn’t want to have as just a friend. these tags were meant to mean something. you needed them to mean something. because you wanted to mean something more to bucky.
you let out a scoff and took the chain off of your neck, aggressively placing them back in his hands.
the look on bucky’s face was a mixture of confusion and hurt and it broke your heart in two. but you couldn’t do this anymore, the what if scenarios, questioning if every one of his actions was friendly or romantic, the possibility of something more right around the corner.
you climbed off the bed and patted your wrinkled clothing down. you gave bucky a look that you hoped conveyed what you were feeling, heartbroken and angry. angry that you couldn’t have him the way you wanted to.
“what’s wrong?” bucky asked softly, moving towards the edge of the bed so his feet were placed firmly on the floor.
you shook your head and made your way towards the exit of his bedroom. it was childish, the way you were reacting. your anger wasn’t at bucky, even if you were slightly taking it out on him. it wasn’t even about his dog tags. your anger and hurt was directed towards this situation, towards yourself. you were angry at yourself for falling for the person that meant the most to you in the world.
before you could open the door though, bucky had gotten up and grabbed your wrist, effectively turning you to face him. “doll, what’s wrong?”
you let out an angry huff and poked at his chest, “it’s not a big deal? really buck? they’re your dog tags, they’re the biggest deal! how could you even say that?”
he tilted his head to the side in confusion, “you’re angry about my dog tags?”
you let out a frustrated groan and moved away from him. as you paced back and forth across the room you tried to explain yourself, “it’s not about that! it’s about everything else! it’s about us. i don’t want to not be a big deal to you. i want to wear your initial on a chain ’round my neck! because you really know me! i want those dog tags to be something we can share. but not if it doesn’t mean anything to you. not if it doesn’t mean to you what it means to me. how i feel about you is a big deal james.”
you sucked in a breath and realized you had stopped pacing. you didn’t dare look up at bucky. you knew he was watching you, could feel his stare. you hadn’t outright admitted your feelings but you might as well have. there were few ways to interpret your words.
you watched his feet step closer towards you, until you were sure that if you looked up you would meet bucky’s intense gaze. he didn’t give you much of a choice, grabbing your chin with his flesh fingers and forcing you too look at him.
his eyes were glittering with something new. some hidden feeling you’d only seen a handful of times. an emotion bucky tried to keep hidden away for a long time.
“doll” he pleaded, not adding anything else.
you shook your head and closed your eyes in an attempt to keep your embarrassed tears at bay. “just say it” you said, just say that you don’t want me like that, that i’ve lost you forever.
you kept your eyes closed as you felt him let go of your chin. you prepared yourself to hear him walking away, closing the door behind him, never to speak to you again. instead, for the second time that night, you felt cold metal on the back of your neck and an unfamiliar weight against your chest.
you opened your eyes and found bucky staring at the chain around your neck. he picked up his hand and caressed your cheek lovingly.
he took a deep breath and both of you prepared for whatever he would say next. “honey. i did one thing right, and that was trust you. it was letting you see all the parts of me, and trusting that you would still want me around. you love my love me like i’m brand new. and it’s all i’ve ever wanted. you, are all i’ve ever wanted.”
he picked up the tags hanging on the chain and rubbed them with his other hand, “this is just another part of me i want you to have. you already own my heart and every other part of me, might as well have my initial ’round your neck too.”
the blush on his cheeks made your own face heat up. you couldn’t quiet comprehend what he was saying, couldn’t accept it as a reality. this whole moment felt like a day dream.
bucky ducked his head down and placed his forehead against yours. you closed your eyes happily. all of the anger and tension from earlier, dissipating from your body, replaced by pure bliss at the feeling of bucky so close to you. the air was charged with something new, and the both of you could feel it. and you both welcomed it.
“hey bucky?” you whispered, still not opening your eyes in fear that it would break whatever spell you two were under.
“yes doll?” he whispered back and you could practically hear the smile he was more than likely wearing as he answered.
"what's this thing between us?” you asked hesitantly.
bucky moved his head away from yours, causing you to open your eyes. he grabbed the sides of your face and grinned like a fool, “call it what you want to, i just know i want you.”
later, as the two of you sat tangled together, closer than ever before, you couldn’t help but touch the dog tags around your neck. now they didn’t feel so foreign. they were familiar, the same way bucky was familiar. bucky traced little patterns on your thigh that night, similar to how he had earlier. but now you felt the distinct outline of little hearts, and you knew that nothing else mattered much when you had bucky.
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes x gender neutral reader#bucky barnes x you#marvel au#marvel mcu#mcu#marvel#bucky fluff#happy bucky#bucky
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Falling Hard
Summary: Natasha took you in when you were very young and raised you as her own. You and Wanda become friends when she was recruited, after an argument you have with nat, Wanda is there to comfort you.
Warning: mentions of drug addict parents, small argument, thats about it, correct me if i’m wrong tho
Rating: idk its fluff
word count: 2,311
((feel free to send in any request))
pt 2
masterlist
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Wanda hadn't expected to find someone she could rely on or relate to anyone when she joined the Avengers. she assumed they were all gonna be older people who had no idea what they would talk to them about, she figured it would be awkward but at least, she had people on her side.
you strolled into the living room to greet the newcomers when Natasha called you. Wanda was quiet and closed off as Natasha made an awkward introduction to the twins as you kinda just stood there, the book that you had been reading tucked to your side as the group simply stared at their feet. "this is useless, mom can I go?" you asked gesturing to the stairs, the woman tucked hair behind your ear before nodding, smiling lightly at you. you often came off as harsh as Natasha even if you had been the sweetest person, at least that's what the redhead spy thought. you were a lot like her, strong, smug with a slight attitude.
"she's not good with new people." Tony explained causing Natasha to glare at the man. "don't you dare talk about my daughter." she pointed a finger before huffing and going away to make some coffee.
"that's where she gets it." Steve chuckled.
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you had managed not to run into the new pair until one day you had been seated in the kitchen, perched upon the countertop as you swung your legs, all your attention glued to the book at hand until a gush of wind smacked you, blowing your pages causing you to gasp lightly and when you looked up, Pietro had been standing there and he swallowed hard at your cold glare and only seconds later Wanda jogged in, breathing hard as she whined about him cheating, quickly going quiet when her eyes landed on you. "no powers in the tower especially you, buddy!" you pointed a finger at the boy with whitish hair causing him to nod.
maybe you had been a little mean but Wanda didn't understand why she had been attracted to your mean girl attitude but she couldn't help the flutter in her chest whenever you were around her. you were a short, hot-headed girl and she couldn't help but be intrigued by you.
after some time the two of you finally had actual conversations that had been past your snarky remarks. she had been more than relieved to have a friend in you and Natasha were glad that you had been coming out of your shell. it wasn't that you were an introvert, you simply didn't get along with a lot of people.
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"show me!" you giggled, rolling onto your stomach as the girl rested against your headboard, rolling her eyes playfully before twirling her fingers around, a red glowing light appeared between her fingers causing you to gasp. "whoa!" you admired, a soft giggle slipping from her lips as you stared at the red that moved in between her fingers.
"what else can you do?" you smiled, leaning your head in Wanda's lap, she tried her hardest to focus on anything else but the way her heart fluttered. she cleared her throat, moving one of your books from across the room into her hands quickly causing you to look at her, mouth agaped and she wore a smug smile before pulling a blanket over you with her powers and sweetly smiling.
"let me read to you." she offered, the main light to your room going off and instead the lamp beside your bed turned on and it was all too much for you to process so instead you just nodded and settled completely into her lap, your eyes fluttering shut, warmth and comfort washing over you as her heavy accent filled your ears.
---
Wanda watched as you mindlessly hit the punching bag even Steve struggled to keep the bag at bay as you punched it and you hadn't even used all your strength but you were strong... really strong. "good." your mother spoke uncrossing her arms and nodding at Steve to let go of the beaten bag.
"you're getting better at controlling your strength." Natasha pointed out, handing you a bottle of water and a small towel for your sweat. "you think?" you asked softly wiping at your forehead before grabbing a hold of your discarded t-shirt watching as she nodded with a smile. "when do you think I can start with missions?" you watched your mom's face turn sour and she ran a hand through her redhead. "let's not talk about that right now." she sighed, reaching out for you only for you to step back, a frown taking over your lips.
"you're too young, kid." Steve spoke up causing you to snap your hard glare at him. you were Wanda's age, there was no way that was the reason. "call me kid once more time." you stomped over to him until Natasha caught your wrist.
"that is exactly what I mean.. come on babes... I know what's best for you. after all, I am your mo-"
"you're not my mom." you spoke sharply, her lips parted and eyes watering up. "and you never will be." you turned away from her so quickly before stumbling over to the exit, the witch shooting up and following you.
"I'm not your mother?!" the woman followed closely behind you, anger filling her face. "I wasn't there when your drug-addicted parents were murdered?! I wasn't the one who took you to school every day?! I wasn't the one who was there for you every time you had a nightmare?! you had no idea what a mother was until you met me! so don't you dare ever talk to me that way again! you hear me?!" you bit the inside of your cheek, refusing to let any emotion show.
"I didn't ask for your help. you took me to fill the void of not being able to have children! you were just sad and lone-" you were abruptly cut off but the woman's voice.
"fine, you know what? you're right. I'm not your mom and I don't want to be. not anymore... I give up y/n. I do. I'm done trying to be there for you. I give up on you." she shrugged before turning and stumbling back into the training room, her soft but firm words cutting you like knives and if Wanda hadn't been there and softly grabbed a hold of your hand, you would've crumbled because it wasn't the first time those words were uttered to you.
"come on, возлюбленная (sweetheart)" she cooed, tugging you in the direction of your room, feeling your anger being washed away by sadness. as soon as you were in your room, you couldn't help the sob that slipped from your lips. your back crashed against the wall and slid down it before Wanda met you on the floor, her arms quickly wiping around you and whispering soothing words in your ear.
"Everyone gives up on me! everyone! I'll never have anyone!" you sobbed into the girl's chest causing her to bite her lip, shushing you
lightly. "you have me. believe me, when I tell you, I'll never give up on you. I promise.. b-because i-" she paused for a moment, pulling your face from her chest, cupping your cheeks softly and wiping away the tears that poured from your eyes. "because I love you.." she confirmed causing your tearful eyes to go wide. "nothing with ever change that.." she added before a gasp slipped from her when your lips crashed against hers with a hard pressure before it quickly softened when you notice how hard it was and you had been too afraid to hurt her.
"that was a bit harsh, Romanoff." tony mumbled, glancing up at her when she reentered the training room, a hard look on her face. "what do you know?!" she snapped, slightly becoming choked up when she thought about the way your face fell when she uttered out her words coldly. she didn't mean it, she didn't mean any of it but you had hurt her. as a mothe- a caregiver she should've been able to handle it better. she loved you unconditionally and she hated herself for hurting you.
"I know what it feels like for a parent to give up on you, and it doesn't feel good," he spoke sincerely causing her to let out a breath, pinching the bridge of her nose to stop the pain in her head. she should've been the bigger person and threw away her pride when it came to you. her eyes started to water at the memory of you telling her you loved her for the first time when you were much younger or when you first called her mom for the first time and now she had been punching the punching bag hard to avoid her feelings, but then she couldn't shake the feeling that you had been upset and she felt so much hatred for herself at that moment.
Natasha knew you loved her and viewed her as a mother but your vision had been so clouded by anger that you simply couldn't control what you were saying but she could've. with one final punch, Natasha decided that it was her who should apologize. when she stumbled to your room and gently pushed open your door, you had been neatly tucked away in Wanda's embrace, your face nuzzled into her neck.
the both of you had been sound asleep and she didn't have the heart to wake you up from your seemingly comfortable state but then it dawned on her that you were never a cuddly type unless it was someone you really, really liked, and then she couldn't help the small smile and her teary eyes because she realized that her little girl had grown up and had been in love.
you had been incredibly exhausted in the morning. you couldn't believe how emotionally worn out you had become and it hadn't help that Wanda wasn’t with you in the morning instead you met her in the kitchen, a small grin on her face when she spotted you. "I wanted to make you breakfast," she explained shyly, her arm wrapping itself around your lower back and pulled you in for a hug.
"you're too sweet, Wanda." you sighed out conflicted on whether you should be happy because the girl you liked for a bit of time is finally yours or if you should feel upset that you no longer had that mother figure that Natasha provided you with. you planted a soft kiss on Wanda's lips before turning to make some coffee. you and Wanda had been up quite early, leaving the both of you in a comfortable quiet kitchen as you worked alongside each other to get breakfast ready.
you had gone most of your day without seeing Natasha until you and Wanda stumbled into the training room, Wanda bragging about how she could whoop your ass without even using her hands and you protested claiming you could rip her in half using your bare hands. the conversation was lighthearted and playful, you were both laughing and giggling about it until Natasha had come into your sight.
"We need to talk y/n." the older woman declared with a stern look on her face but in all reality, she had been happy that Wanda was making you smile despite the heavy argument you had with Natasha. you didn't have it in you to protest so instead you nodded and Wanda sent you a comforting smile before stumbling out the training room giving the both of you privacy. you let out a sigh, your gaze dropping before you glanced back up at the woman who raised you. "l-listen, mo- Natasha-" the woman stood her head, taking steps towards you and opening up her arms for a hug. "no, stop come here." you stepped into her embrace, sighing softly in relief.
"I would never and I mean, never give up on you. you know why?" you shook your head nuzzling into the woman. "because you're my daughter and you'll always be. I love you very much and I'm sorry that I ever allowed my anger to cloud my judgment. I'm your mom and I should've reacted to the situation better. it'll never happen again. okay?" you let out a half sob, half laugh causing her arms to tighten around you.
"I'm sorry too." she chuckled lightly, pressing a soft and comforting kiss to your temple. "it's just upset when no one trusts you when it comes to something that you've been working hard on, you know?" you explained causing Natasha to push you back slightly, cupping your cheeks and frowned. "you think I don't trust you when it comes to your strength? I do trust you, honey. it's just I want you to be emotionally prepared for what the mission entails, do you understand? plus you getting hurt because of something I allowed you to do would kill me." she uttered out causing you to nod understandably.
once all the heavy stuff had been out the way and apologizes had been accepted, Natasha couldn't help the smug smile that formed on her lips, she moved to hold the punching back for you as you punched at it, focusing on how hard you had been hitting it until Natasha uttered out. "I saw you and Wanda cuddling last night when I came to apologize. I've gotta admit you two are cute together. how long has that been going on?" she smirked when your cheeks flushed over and your eyes widened. the woman had been playfully wiggled her eyebrows at you as your punches stopped abruptly, your cheeks heating up even more.
"oh my god, please stop!"
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff fanfiction#natasha romonova#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha x you#the avengers#avengers#natasha romanoff
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Can you do one with Max, with 46 and 55 from angst list?
Summary: You are suffering from depression and Max tries to be by your side
Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of suicide, depression
Word count: 3.6k+
46. “I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”
55. “You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay.”
Depression feels like a lot of things.
It feels like sadness, which is what everyone will tell you. It's a pretty common thread.
"I'm worthless."
"Everyone thinks I'm a horrible burden."
So on and so forth.
Everyone in the world is happy but you, and in the end, you are a worthless piece of shit that doesn't belong in this otherwise glorious and happy place. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and you are lying there on your bed in the same unlaundered pair of pajamas, wondering why you are even allowed to keep living any longer. Some meteor strikes or lightning bolts should be reserved for people like you because you are taking up space and oxygen and food and other resources that real, happy, productive people need.
It feels like emptiness. You have all these possibilities and none of them seem interesting. You could do some art, or play some music, but that just doesn't feel right. There's no joy in it. You could have sex with your significant other, but you can't muster up the desire. You could play video games, or read a book. But what's the point? There's no real benefit to all of it but passing the time. You could get up and make lunch. But no, you're not that hungry, and if you close your eyes, time will pass a little faster. You can lie there. That works. It doesn't require active effort to do something fruitless. Everything is as empty and fruitless as lying and staring out your window at the clouds and the shifting shadows of tree branches, and so why do anything else?
It feels like fatigue. Standing up out of your bed requires the same amount of bodily effort as climbing several flights of stairs. Managing to get dressed and walk outside is like running a race. Heaven helps you if you try to go to the store or a friend's house -- that may as well be on the other side of the continent. Every step is heavy. Every muscle motion requires ten times the work it used to. Exercise becomes difficult, and control over your body expires quickly. You become clumsier, so heavy lifting is right out. You daze out randomly, daydreaming, even dozing, so biking or running is hard. You feel most at home when you are entirely relaxed, so you lie down...and don't get up again until something like your bladder compels you.
It feels like a loss of control. You have no idea why your brain and body are doing this. You don't want to feel sad. Nobody wants to feel shitty and tired and empty all the time. People will look at you and say, "It's like you don't want to get better." Those people are idiots. You truly, deeply, from the bottom of your soul, have no idea why this has happened or what to do. It's not logical. It makes no sense. You woke up like this, or it crept in overtime or something like that. It's like a fog, a force of nature that sweeps in, occludes everything, and there's not one thing you can do about it from where you stand. Trying feels like taking a paper fan outside and trying to blow away the morning mist. Someone has tied puppet strings to your brain and is playing this hideous dance with it, and you don't have the scissors to cut them away. The dance doesn't make sense; it's arbitrary and rhythmless. If you had any sort of reasoning behind it, you could take control. But you don't.
It feels like desperation. You can't find a way out. You lie there at night, keening into your pillow like a wounded animal, making all sorts of noises that no human being should be able to make. You claw and scratch at the sheets, or at yourself, as the pain wrings itself out through bodily expression. The tears won't stop. You don't know why. All you know is that it hurts, it really and truly hurts, and you think if it goes on any longer, you're going to die. Right there. Bleed out on the floor. So you grab up your phone, and you call someone at 4 AM, and you beg them to please just make it stop. You bury yourself in books and movies because at least then you can imagine something else than yourself. You read nonstop. You have to have your fix. It's like an addiction, no, more like a life support machine. Otherworlds, fantasies of happiness, and real experiences that aren't your horrible existence become the iron lung keeping air flowing in and out. You are alive because you can stop thinking for a while. Your friends come over to comfort you. Their stories keep you sane and well, like dialysis for all the toxins in you. Your mind has failed at being independent, and now it relies on a thousand little machines to keep itself running. You rely on one machine until another comes to save you. You read books until your friends come by. You stretch out your time with friends until you have to bury yourself in a movie again just to keep the thought of real-life away.
It feels like untamed anger. Your friends can't keep this up forever. You fall further and further, and you eventually start dropping commitments. You have become That Person, the flake that everyone knows will back out. People start getting annoyed at you, annoyed at how they have to spend so much time just keeping you afloat, annoyed at how often you're causing them trouble by constantly disappearing and backing out of appointments, and so on. Your workplace gets annoyed at your lack of productivity. And then you can't take it anymore, and you want to scream at them, grab them by the throat and shake them because IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! You start having twisted fantasies, the ones where you walk up to that person who keeps telling you he can't do this anymore, you're just too unreliable, putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. Just to make him know, for once, that FUCK HIM, your problems are REAL, DAMMIT, REAL, and he better FUCKING RESPECT that. And when you're gone, he'll fall to his knees and cry, and he'll say, he wishes he had understood, that he didn't mean to be so unkind, and the scar on his heart from his own failure will remain fresh and knotted for eternity. And then you shake yourself out of the daydream, and you wonder why you have turned into such a horrible person, someone who even considers ending their own life just to spite another human being. Then it creeps back in, the knowledge that the world is getting fed up with you...and the cycle begins again. You start thriving off these daydreams, because at the very least if you can't be happy, you can throw caution to the wind and get the petty, oddly satisfying revenge buried under all those layers of morality that are becoming worn and flaking away. It's just a fantasy, right? And it helps pass the time...
It feels like forever. You have forgotten what it's like to truly be joyful. You can imagine it, but it's not really you in those thoughts. This is who you are. This is your life. This is you.
It feels like you have only one thing truly under your power: your existence. You cannot choose what life throws at you. Your brain and body have betrayed you. Your friends have worn away, and you've fled from your job and any commitments you have.
It feels empowering. You can jump whenever you want.
But he accepted you the way you are. He never reproached you for negatively influencing his mentality or life, even though you knew he felt it too. He always listened to you, he was with you even at 2 in the morning when you were crying on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chest, and you knew it wasn't right. It wasn't right for him to go through, basically, what you were going through. But no matter how much you told him you could do it without his help, Max was coming back more insistently than ever.
He came up with the idea to start therapy. "You have to find out why you feel this way. Go at least once, see how it is, if you don't like it or feel that it doesn't help you, you will give up, okay?" That was a year and a half ago.
The psychologist gave you a diagnosis from the first session: Major Depressive Disorder. Sure you knew what the three words meant, but you didn't know what it meant to have a label on your condition.
"A major depressive disorder is characterized by one or more of these depressive episodes. the diagnosis of major depressive disorder requires depressed mood or anhedonia which is the loss of interest in pleasure and five or more signs or symptoms for the SIGECAPS mnemonic for a 2-week period. (SIGECAPS) Sleep Disturbance, loss of Interest, feeling Guilty, feeling fatigued and low in Energy, having decreased Concentration, decreased or increased Appetite and been agitated and slow and having Suicidal ideation."
It sounds incredible to you. Suicidal thoughts? Not everyone has a thought, somewhere, behind their mind 'What if I disappeared?'
You were prescribed Prozac and Zoloft and it helped. You weren't always sad anymore, you could go to the races with Max and support him as a normal girlfriend does. You apologized to my friends who tried to help me and whose lives you made impossible and you managed to get back to work, from home anyway. Sure, you still had moments when you felt like you weren't 100% yourself but not like before. You did therapy twice a week and the psychologist was happy with your evolution.
But being the stupid ass that you are, you stopped taking the medication. You took the last pill on Friday. Because you were fine. You felt ok, everyone around you told you you were better, you were doing amazing, so you were cured, right? Or so you thought. Saturday was normal. Sunday was not. Your mood and energy were very low. You woke up at like 2 in the afternoon. That is not unusual for you. You’re used to it. You were sad. You were exhausted. You knew that feeling like this was “no excuse” so you tried to force yourself to do it anyway. Typical of your life. You feel like you had already taken so much off work because of the triple-header, you were for three weeks attached to the hips with Max.
The only thing you thought of was dying. And that terrified you. And Max senses something was wrong. But he didn't want to tell something and ending up being wrong and you being upset by his misinterpretation. But, yes, he sensed that you were becoming your old self.
"Hey, babe," he snapped you out of your daydreaming. A tragic one, where you were finally at peace and Max was crying for you. You were on the verge of crying yourself at the mere image of Max in your head. But you pushed it far from your mind, somewhere in a dark corner for you to find it at an appropriate time to fantasize about your dying. "How about we go to a picnic? It's sunny outside."
Yes, the wheater was amazing. It was finally summer and you could go outside and spend some time with Max. But your brain literally is tricking you into thinking you don't deserve to enjoy the sunny day. Why? You don't have an answer.
"I'm not really in the mood, Max. Sorry."
You are not in the mood. That was his affirmation. You are not ok.
"You feeling good?"
"Yeah. Just tired I guess."
"But you just woke up."
You shrugged. He was right. You just woke up, so why do you feel like you were carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders? You couldn't walk. You almost felt like 18 months ago. And that is when it hit you. And Max, at the same time.
"Still taking your meds, I hope."
Silence. Your mind was like overcrowded and you couldn’t take it anymore. You grabbed your head and pulled your hair because you wanted it to stop. You were thinking that you didn’t know what to think. You didn’t know how to think. You didn’t know how you felt. You were like anxious-depressed-angry-miserable-irritable all in one. Your head was spinning with thoughts. Thoughts were talking over thoughts. So fast that you couldn’t even make out one complete sentence. It was just too much for you to handle. You just wanted someone to kill you.
Max came to you and he hugged you so hard you thought he could crush your bones right there and then. You calmed down eventually. But now you were embarrassed. Because Max saw you, again, at your lowest. Because you promised you'll get better, and for a while, you were better, but now you are fucked and back into square one. All those money on therapy and your pills, for what? For you to stop taking them because you thought you were feeling better? Well, you definitely were not ok, nor you'll be. So, yeah, being fucked sounded good.
Max brought you the medicine and a glass of water. Taking the pills again? For what? The pills only fuel the feeling that everything is fine and that you are a normal person. Nothing was good and you were not a normal person.
But you took the pills. And you looked Max in the eyes and you wanted to die. He seemed crushed. He was sad, devastated, maybe angry but definitely disappointed. In you. Because maybe you don't realize this, but while you were doing good, he was doing great. He knew you could be on your own so he stopped worrying that much, and that could also be seen in his driving. He was winning more races, he was at his best and now he was at his lowest. Because you were at your lowest; co-dependency and shit.
"I'm sorry, baby. I thought I was doing well enough to stop taking the meds," you say in a broken voice but the tears are yet to appear. He stroked your hair and kissed you on your forehead.
"You should have told me. You don't have to go thru this alone. I am here."
"Yeah, you are here. But you don't have to be!" you snapped. Irritability, one thing your depression came with. "I am just a burden for you. And no, this does not come from the fact I stopped taking my pills. You took care of me like I was a child, and, fuck it, you don't deserve this."
"Stop talking like this, alright? If I would suffer from depression you would have done the same thing. You would have taken care of me. Or am I wrong?"
"You are not wrong. To be honest, I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for you, but I don't want you to be. It's obvious that I would never get better. This is me. I am fucked in the head, half wishing I was dead and I am just bringing you down."
"Don't tell me this is a fucking break up, Y/N." he narrows his brows and looks at your features to make sure you were being serious.
“I’ll leave, and the world will move on. I just wish I could see it. See how much better everything is when I’m gone.”
"What the fuck are you talking about? Is this a break-up or a suicidal vocal note?"
You broke down. Crying can be cathartic and healthy, but if it goes on too long it can lock your body in a feeling of despair. Even if your mind works through the problem that caused the crying, because your body is still feeling the physical effects it will cause your mind to revert to the negative state. It's not sadness. It's dread and paralysis. You had a certain feeling of emptiness and purposelessness.
“You’re good at finding things. Find me a reason to stay,” you say between sobs.
"You want me to find you a reason to stay alive or to stay in this relationship? To be frank, I can name a thousand reasons, but it all depends on you."
Max hugs you from behind and you lay your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was stronger than ever. You allowed yourself to inhale Max's scent, a soothing scent you could get drunk on.
"I want to believe you love me. I mean, I love you and I consider you the love of my life, you know? We are so young and I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you, I'm gonna marry you someday, even if right now you don't think you're gonna make it till tomorrow. So, yeah, this is reason number one," he said and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "This is not the worst you have been through in life. Remember where you were 18 months ago; you had no idea what was wrong with you. Now you know and you know you can be better. I know you get sick of those pills, but maybe, in the future, you won't need them. Isn't that exciting? This was reason number two," he said and pressed another kiss to your cheek. He was going to do that every time he would give you a reason. "Have you been to all the beautiful places around the world? Sure, you came to a few Grand Prix, but you never saw Great Ocean Road in Australia, you know Daniel promised he would take us there someday. You never saw Pamukkale in Turkey or Japan in Cherry Blossom season or the Blue Lagoon in Iceland. There are many places you need to visit, baby. So, yeah, this was reason number three. I don't know if you want me to continue but I can give you one more reason. Reason number four. Do it for you, baby. You deserve to live and be happy. I know you can be happy and I promise you I will do my best to help you. You just have to take it one step at a time. You just have to let me in. Let me help you, baby."
You turn around, facing him now. You loved him, with all of your heart. You love him for who he is. You love him because he literally came into your life as your lifeline. You love him because he helped you crawl up the deep bottomless abyss of depression. You love him because he had the patience and the audacity to bear with your depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, your phobias, your mood swings, your temperamental and short-tempered nature, your overthinking, your being overprotectiveness, and possessiveness. You love him because never once he thought of giving up on you in your hard times. You love him because he stands by you like a rock of unwavering support and he’s someone you can fall back on. You love him because he listens to you talking non-stop about your past, your pains, your fears, and your losses without complaining even once. You love him because he rediscovered you and helped you find yourself again when you were lost in darkness. You love him because he filled you with confidence and hope and strength and belief and determination. You love him because he believes you are the best when you set your mind on something and no one can stop you from achieving your goals. You love him because he is protective, caring, understanding, loving, and easy to be with while never being too suffocating or taking up your space. You love him because sooner or later he does everything you ask of him and does with his whole attention. You love him because whatever endeavor he engages in, he likes to give his 100% and hates doing half-hearted things. You love him because he can decode the nuances in your voice and judge your mood just perfectly. You love him because he read you like an open book and he can hear your silence. You love him because he never doubts your loyalty, your intentions, your hard work, and your million issues. You love him because no matter how busy he might get he never forgets that you are waiting for his message or his call. You love him because he keeps you in his priorities. You love him because he gave you a passion you never knew you had. You love him because he very strongly believes that you deserve the best of everything. You love him because he is empathic, kind, magnanimous, thoughtful, and down to Earth. You love him because he has eyes for no one but you. You love him because he wants to see you healthy, wealthy, prosperous, famous and he wants you to hold back at nothing, for no one, he wants you to be a Go-Getter. And most importantly you love him because no one ever loved you like he did.
"I will let you in," you say and you kiss him hard. "I'm sorry for the scene I caused."
"Don't be. It happens."
#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen oneshot#max verstappen#f1 fanfiction#f1 oneshot#f1 one shot#f1 2021#f1#f1 fandom#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula one oneshot#formula one imagine#formula 1 oneshot#formula one#formula 1#red bull racing
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