#but then I complain that people impose their own perspectives when talking to me... when me doing that seems to be what works | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ceterisparibus116 · 2 years

Note

For the asks: Favorite quote and a character everyone else loves that you hate.

Thank you for this ask! It led to, uh...a lot of introspection, as you'll see.

Favorite quote: “You don’t get to destroy who I am!” I discussed more in another ask why that’s my favorite (I think), but in short, I read that line as Matt reclaiming the value of Matt Murdock after an entire season of trying to just be Daredevil.

Character everyone loves but you hate: ooh, spicy. ;) I don’t think I hate any character; I see the value all of them bring to the narrative, even if some aren’t my favorites. But I’m gonna take this a slightly different direction and talk about a character that I think I’m more critical of compared to how the rest of the fandom views them. And that would be Foggy.

Disclaimer: THIS GETS LIKE SUPER LONG AND SUPER PERSONAL GUYS, HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY LEARNING A TON ABOUT ME.

*buries face in hands*

Don’t get me wrong, I love Foggy. Foggy’s a brilliant character: comedic, but also competent, and able to influence the plot and have emotions and reactions that feel genuine to him. And not only is Foggy a great character; he’s a great person, too. He shows over and over again that he’s willing to get out of his comfort zone (with only mild complaining) to help people. He’s creative and persistent in how he encourages those around them, especially Matt who is kinda a walking cloud of broodiness sometimes. And although he walks away from Matt twice, he comes back, and clearly tries to be a loyal friend. Murdock without Nelson is just wrong. A huge element in my Ella series is focusing on Matt and Foggy’s friendship and how both of them can treat each other better.

But I have two serious objections to Foggy:

His (apparent) inability (for the most part) to see things from Matt’s perspective; and

His (apparent) inability to take responsibility for and control over his own emotions.

Before I unpack that, let me explain why I think I’m so critical of Foggy. I think it’s because, although I relate to Matt more in terms of personality, I relate to Foggy in terms of privilege. I, like, Foggy, come from a solid, stable, supportive, and overall loving family. I’ve been through hard times, but only one situation that I would deem “traumatic,” and that didn’t happen until I was 20 years old, so my formative years weren’t affected by trauma. This means that the way I grew to see the world (and my place in it) was marked by love, not fear or anger or anything else.

At the same time, I grew up trying to help my friends with their traumas, some of which were horrific. As a kid, I was put in the position of basically being my friends’ therapists despite the fact that I was woefully unqualified. (And I don’t blame my friends for this. I understand why they couldn’t tell anyone else.) Naturally, I got a lot of things wrong and made a lot of mistakes.

One big mistake was imposing and projecting my expectations of what “healthy” looked like onto my friends: both the ultimate end, and the steps necessary to get there. This was done from a place of compassion – I was genuinely freaking out over the ways they would hurt themselves. But I didn’t see things from their perspective. I thought I got to decide what was best for them. As a result, I made them feel hurt and judged, and at times I stopped being a safe space until I slowed down and took the time to understand their perspective, with their premises and worldviews, even if some of their premises were ideas I just didn’t think were true or healthy. But only when I first showed that I understood them could I really walk through their struggles with them. And only after I walked alongside them was it appropriate for me to give advice. Sometimes they listened; sometimes they didn’t. But that was okay (impossibly hard, but okay) because the point wasn’t about me fixing them or saving them from themselves. The point was about being there for them. Those experiences have been absolutely foundational for me, shaping both who I want to be as a lawyer specifically and who I want to be as a person in all other relationships.

(An idea I love to remember is: empathy is not endorsement. I can understand you without agreeing with you.)

Another mistake I made was letting my emotions dictate how I saw the situation (and, sometimes, how I treated my friends). When my friends ignored my advice or didn't tell me things until after their choices had blown up in their face, it felt like they didn't trust me even though all I was doing was trying to help them. I also was genuinely terrified for my friends’ safety, and I felt incredibly frustrated and helpless because, as far as I could tell, I was objectively correct that their behavior was dangerous, and they still persisted in doing it. And when when my friends made choices that terrified me to the point that I couldn't sleep, and I'd told them this, and they kept making the same choices...well, what else was I supposed to believe except that my friends don’t care about how their choices effected me? Emotionally, I was a wreck. And sometimes I vented those emotions on my friends just because I didn't know what else to do or how else to get them to listen.

But I had to learn to be responsible for my own emotions. Sometimes that meant setting better boundaries. I’ve gotten some distance from friends when I realized I simply couldn’t handle watching what they were doing while knowing that they weren’t going to stop. It felt like betrayal, it felt like being a bad friend, but it was the only thing I could do to make sure I was healthy enough to be happy (as well as to help other people in my life). And as I’ve gotten older and more mature, I’ve been able to increase my tolerance, so to speak, such that I can handle being closer to, well, trainwrecks, without getting emotionally wrecked myself. And when my emotions do get all tangled up in something, I know that the best thing to do is get some space to cool off if I can, and revisit the issue later. If I can't cool off, I basically have to decide which should be the priority in that moment: my emotions, or my friend. And I try, as much as I can, to prioritize my friend over my own emotions. My emotions can be dealt with later, but if I lash out when I'm in the heat of fear or anger, I could accidentally deal wounds that might last a lifetime.

And so, as I've grown and matured, I've realized two things:

Good friendship requires understanding the other person’s perspective (even if you don't agree!); and

I am responsible for my emotions and what I do based on them.

I don’t think Foggy has learned either of these lessons. And so I am continually discouraged (and frustrated, because tbh my default emotion is frustration when something isn’t the way I think it Should Be) with Foggy.

See, unlike Karen, Foggy has no experiences that we’ve seen that let him innately and automatically understand Matt’s perspective. He doesn’t have a history of being rejected by those he loves and trusts; he hasn’t been shown over and over again (like by Stick, by the Catholic Church, even maybe unintentionally by Jack’s focus on the value of work) that his value lies in his skills and accomplishments rather than who he is as a person; he certainly hasn’t been repeatedly warned that everyone he loves will die; and as far as we know, he hasn’t even experienced the death/loss of loved ones. Certainly not to the extent Matt and Karen have.

So from the beginning, Foggy is at a disadvantage in helping his friends, the same way I was as a kid, simply because he has such a different perspective on life. To him, things are very simple: “Recognize that you’re not the only person trying to help people, and prioritize your own wellbeing.” Oh, and “Be honest.” For Foggy, I doubt either of those things are even very difficult; in fact, it seems that everything in his life has made those things quite easy. But he fails, over and over again, to actually understand how hard that is for Matt. He fails to understand why Matt can’t (and in some instances won’t) just change to fit what Foggy thinks is right and healthy.

As I’ve said in other posts, I don’t believe Foggy really understands Matt. He understands his version of Matt, the Matt he met in law school. He doesn’t understand who Matt really is: Matt + Daredevil. This is evidenced by when he insisted in Season 2 that Matt and Daredevil weren’t “always” the same person, despite Matt telling him otherwise. Or maybe you could say he only said that out of anger and didn’t mean it, but I honestly can’t think of a single point when he affirms the importance of Daredevil to Matt. He acknowledges the importance of Daredevil to the city in Season 1 (“Go be a hero!”) and he acknowledges the importance of the armor when he brings Matt the armor in Defenders, but other than that…. Even in Season 3, his focus was basically getting Matt to be Matt again, which is valid and needed, but what about still letting Matt be Daredevil? I just think Foggy would be happier if Matt just hung up the mask for good, and I can’t think of anything he’s done to suggest otherwise except that one line in Season 1 (which is quickly undermined by…well, all of Season 2).

My question is, has Foggy thought about what it would like for Matt to hear the city’s screams and have the skills to do something about it, and yet not take action? (Which, according to the comics, is literally and explicitly Matt’s greatest fear.) If so, has he ever shown Matt that he understands that? I just…I don’t see it, guys. Maybe would’ve gotten that in Season 4, and that’s certainly something I’ve tried to incorporate in my fics. But I don’t think we’ve seen that in the show. And until that happens, I simply can’t speak of Foggy with the glowing words that much of the fandom uses to talk about him.

And not only does Foggy not understand Matt, but Foggy takes Matt’s difficulties personally! As a result, Foggy's emotions essentially dictate whether he treats Matt well or poorly. When Foggy feels happy and/or calm, he and Matt are friendly like they were back before Foggy found out about Daredevil. But when Foggy gets scared or angry, he lashes out and blows up (and, of course, Matt shuts down).

See, Foggy's conflicts with Matt keep circling back to how Foggy feels. He feels betrayed and lied to, he feels afraid Matt will die or that they’ll lose the firm, he feels frustrated that Matt keeps doing the same things. Although those feelings are valid, they’re not the only consideration. Matt’s feelings (like the feeling that his failure to stop someone from getting hurt means the person’s hurt is his fault and the feeling that he’s worthless if he’s not protecting people as much as he’s able) also matter.

To be fair, I think Foggy’s emotions are genuine. I think it was inappropriate for Foggy to say he was scared of walking up Matt’s stairs to find him dead (inappropriate because Foggy used it as a weapon against Matt rather than just a statement of how he feels), but I think Foggy absolutely meant it. Foggy is convinced that Daredevil will kill Matt. And the thing is? Objectively? He’s not wrong to think that! He’s not wrong to be terrified of that!

But here’s the thing. Mature people feel emotions in reaction to situations, but they don’t let reactive emotions dictate their behavior. Have we ever seen an instance where Matt made Foggy angry or scared, and Foggy chose to wait until he'd calmed down before responding? I honestly can't think of one.

I mean, the mature thing for Foggy to do way back in Season 1 when he agreed that they could try to find a way forward with Matt being Daredevil was for Foggy to figure out what he is and isn’t okay with in terms of Daredevil – and then stick to that. Note: being okay with Daredevil requires, to some degree, being okay with Matt getting hurt. Maybe not beaten half to death, but hurt. Foggy has to be okay with that – not happy about it, but certainly not guilt-tripping Matt over it.

And yet what does Foggy do in the first episode of Season 2? Matt is bleeding a little (with no indication that it is a serious injury), and Foggy says, “I hate this.” How is that moving forward? And how is that in any way fair to Matt? Then later in Season 2, when Matt gets shot in the head, Foggy angrily tells Matt he should give up being Daredevil—which is definitely not moving forward. I get it: Foggy thought Matt might die, and Matt very well could have. But Foggy’s genuine fear is no excuse to basically order Matt to give up something so important to him, and it’s certainly not an excuse to do so in a heated argument. Foggy absolutely could have come back later and said, “Hey, can we talk about how concussions are a serious problem, and can we talk about the fact that I am terrified by the thought of you going out to face the guy who shot you in the head.” And if Matt’s being a good friend, Matt should listen and try to compromise. But instead of doing that, Foggy loses control of his emotions and blows up. Which, surely to no one’s surprise, accomplishes nothing except driving a wedge between Matt and Foggy, and (I believe) reinforcing Matt's belief that Foggy is better off without him.

Foggy’s got to be better. Do better. He’s a grown man and a lawyer, and he’s got to reach a point where he can logically and cognitively see things from Matt’s perspective and realize that, frankly, Matt’s struggles are about Matt, not Foggy. If Foggy can’t handle that, he needs to set better boundaries.

And so here is, ultimately, what I need to see from Foggy before I can enthusiastically join in the "Foggy is wonderful" discourse (and before I can really ship Mattfoggy):

I need Foggy to accept that Matt needs to be Daredevil (and express that acceptance to Matt); and

I need to see Foggy deal with his emotions by either walking away to cool off, or choosing to prioritize Matt over venting his emotions at least sometimes.

Whew. All that said, I want to end on a higher note. One moment that I absolutely adore of Foggy’s is in Season 3 when he and Karen are grappling with the possibility that Matt will kill Fisk. Karen, being Karen, tentatively points out that maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. But Foggy’s the one who says no. He explains exactly what killing Fisk would do to Matt, and why.

Here’s why I love this so much: we know Foggy is against killing for his own moral reasons. But he doesn’t say “Matt shouldn’t kill Fisk because killing Fisk is wrong.” That would be, again, projecting Foggy’s perspective onto Matt. Instead, he talks about how killing Fisk would go against Matt’s convictions. Not only that, but he specifies that killing Fisk would go against Matt’s faith. Why is this so important? Because, as far as we can tell, Foggy is not religious! Foggy has no personal understanding of the Christian concept of redemption even for those who commit the most evil acts! There is absolutely no way that Foggy could reach this conclusion unless he well and truly saw things from Matt’s perspective. Not to mention, he was able to reach this conclusion despite feeling scared and hopeless. I love it. I love it so much.

All I want is to see more of it.

oh my gosh this was such a long answer for such a simple question I'm sorry

#foggy nelson #matt murdock #daredevil #personal #meta #asks #ask me things I'm friendly

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journalxxx · 3 years

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By Hook or by Crook (6)

Hey kid. I’d like to have a chat with you, if you’re up to it. Would you be free this afternoon?

Izuku idly reread the text and the brief exchange that followed as he whiled away the few minutes left before the agreed time for the meeting.

Just a little over twenty-four hours before, Izuku had had a minor stroke at the mere thought of All Might texting him about a trip to the police station. Just a little over twenty-four hours before, he would have soared straight to cloud nine at the thought of All Might texting him ‘to have a chat’. It was a pity that the only emotion he could muster at the moment was a vague sense of stunned apathy.

“I’ll get that.” He informed no one in particular when the bell rang. The man installing what probably were legalized viruses on his laptop gave him an odd look, and his mother replied something indistinguishable from the bathroom. Izuku shuffled out of his room and unlocked the front door.

“Young Midoriya. Good afternoon.” All Might had reverted to his laid-back cargo pants and t-shirt attire. He seemed more tired and subdued as well, more like on the day Izuku had met him.

“Good afternoon.” Izuku gestured at him to come inside, which he did with a quiet thanks. He did not remove his shoes though, and he stopped only few steps in upon spotting the second man fiddling with the landline in the living room.

“Ah. Busy day, is it?” All Might acknowledged the technician with a knowing nod. He then turned towards Izuku and tilted his head towards the front door. “Say, how about we take a walk? I bet your house feels crowded enough without me imposing as well.”

His mother’s head peeked into the hallway. All Might greeted her with a little wave and a weirdly embarrassed grin.

“I’m going for a walk.” Izuku announced as he slipped his shoes on.

“Uhm, are you sure?” Her eyes shifted between All Might and him with ill-concealed unease.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Izuku cut short. He wasn’t in the mood for another discussion. “See you later.”

He strode out of the building without hesitation. He made his way down the stairs, through the parking lot, all the way to the sidewalk before stopping. All Might caught up with him a minute later, after lingering on the threshold to exchange a few words with his mother that Izuku decided he did not care about. He also decided to ignore the pointed stare the hero aimed at him when he finally reached him.

“Anywhere you’d like to go in particular?” All Might asked after a beat, gazing up and down the small road.

“Not really. You?”

“Any place is fine by me. I need to get reacquainted with this city, its layout is quite different from how I remember it.”

Right, All Might had just moved in. And Musutafu had likely changed a lot since his U.A. days… That would have been a tremendously interesting topic for a chat, Izuku could feel the questions popping up in his head in droves, despite everything. Unfortunately, he was under no illusion that what All Might wanted from him could be that kind of casual conversation.

They picked a random direction and started walking. For almost five minutes, they strolled without breathing a word. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as it would have been under any normal circumstances.

“Had another rough night?” All Might said eventually.

“Mh.” Easy guess. The bags under Izuku’s eyes would soon rival the fixed shadows circling the hero’s if he didn’t manage to rein in his sleeping schedule soon. The nightmares had ceased, thankfully, but his head had been so full of disjointed and clashing thoughts and memories that he hadn’t managed to catch some shut eye until so late that it had become early.

Nothing made sense. Everything made too much sense. In hindsight, it felt strange that Izuku had never contemplated the possibility himself. It also felt absurd that it could be true though, instead of some sort of huge misunderstanding. That his father could be-

“Oh, before I forget. The villain is faring much better.”

“Uh? What?” Izuku blinked.

“The sludge villain whose quirk you returned.” All Might graced him with a gentle smile. “I heard he was already mostly coherent by last night, and as of few hours ago he was firmly denying ever bearing any ‘serious’ ill intent towards you and your friend, demanding to see his lawyer and complaining about the quality of the lunch he was served.”

Guilt needled Izuku’s stomach upon realizing that the villain’s plight had completely escaped his mind since his return home from the police station. How poorly committed his sympathy was. “Oh. That’s… good, I guess?”

“We guess.” All Might chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve dealt with another incident that badly in years, but I’m glad that no one suffered any permanent damage, at least. And thank you again for bringing the matter to a close in my stead.”

“It’s hardly your fault if things went the way they did. But… yeah, I’m glad he’s okay and that it’s over.” Now if only that hadn’t sparked a much worse and much more scarring mishap, at least for Izuku… “Are you all right, by the way?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Have you managed to see a doctor yet? About, uh…” Izuku pointed at his own mouth, unsure how to describe the attack the man had suffered the day before, the likes of which Izuku had only seen in movies and cartoons, usually from people sporting deadly and gory upper body wounds.

All Might laughed with inexplicable, genuine mirth. “Oh, don’t worry! I wasn’t playing it cool when I said I was fine. It’s just a thing that happens. Usually it isn’t quite as, uh, dramatic, but it really is nothing concerning.”

“But… you hadn’t even used your quirk…” Izuku could not fathom how spraying blood like a fountain on a presumably regular basis couldn’t warrant seeking any kind of medical attention, but the hero waved off his objection with finality.

“Trust me, it’s fine. More importantly...“ All Might wasn’t looking at him. He seemed deeply focused in memorizing as much as he could of his surroundings, peering here and there at street nameplates, buildings, alleys… manholes too, amusingly. But the low and soft quality of his tone made it clear that he wasn’t asking just out of politeness. “What about you, kid? How are you?”

Izuku dropped his gaze to his feet and shrugged. It was an accurate answer, actually. He’d spent so many hours torturing himself with doubts and grief and confusion that at some point his brain had sort of… ran out of energy to spare for emotions. He supposed it wasn’t the worst response he could have had. Stolid empty-headedness was largely preferable to the scorching waves of betrayal, impending doom and overbearing dismay he’d sampled the day before.

“I imagine how difficult all this must be for you.“ All Might went on, just as tactfully. “Have you talked with your mother?”

Oh, scratch that. He was still capable of feeling something. His mother was enough of a sore topic to make him clench his fists. “...Yeah. I have.”

“...I don’t think-”

“She knew.” Yeah, he was still angry. It bubbled in his chest like boiling tar, thick and sticky and suffocating.

“She told you that?”

“I heard you three talking about it last night. I was listening from outside the living room.”

“What?!” All Might seemed genuinely shocked. It hadn’t been Izuku’s proudest moment, admittedly, but let’s be honest, what else was he supposed to do? Pretend that they weren’t discussing life-changing revelations just few meters away from his bed? He was only human. All Might slapped a large hand on his face and dragged it down alongside his pointy features with a groan. “Oh, come on…”

“She knew, and she never told me.” His nails were digging painfully in his palms and- oh great, now he was getting teary again. He’d held it together for the whole day and now he was going to lose it five minutes after All Might had showed up. For the third or fourth time in as many days. Sure, why not? It wasn’t like he’d managed to retain any sort of dignity since the very moment he’d met his idol. Why bother now? “S-She’s known since- since before marrying him- however that happened… I j-just...”

All Might regarded him silently for a moment. “...Things like these look very different from an outside perspective. Especially to someone as young as you are. It’s very easy to judge, and even easier to misjudge.”

“But she knew he was a criminal - one who would not even consider changing his ways for his family - and she… wanted him around anyway? Why would she do that?! It’s- I wouldn’t want an unrepentant villain still involved in illegal business around my son! He’d be... a bad influence, at the very least!”

“Before yesterday, have you ever thought that he could be having a bad influence on you?”

“Uh? No, I… I didn’t know that he was… I never… questioned...”

All Might sighed deeply. “Your father is a notoriously charismatic man. He’s always been particularly adept at coaxing people to his side without open coercion, but with simple, well-aimed words. You never suspected that he may have been acting in his own best interest while offering or withholding certain information from you, although it may seem obvious in hindsight. I bet he managed to instil the same trust in your mother, despite what she knew about him.”

“I…” Izuku rubbed away the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He couldn’t understand. He just couldn’t. And it tore at him. “W-Was it because of the money? She never... I-I thought we were good, she n-never said anything… I-If I’d known, I would have… I wouldn’t have asked for… s-so many things, I-”

“I highly doubt that a few toys and games could have had that big of an impact on the family budget. There’s no reason for you to beat yourself up over anything.” All Might slipped his hands in his pockets, sympathy plain in his sunken eyes. “Your mother found herself in a very tricky situation, through no real fault of her own. She navigated it as best as she could, and I’m sure your well-being was her top priority. Seeing the healthy and upright young man you’ve grown into, I’d say she handled it admirably.”

“...I know.” Izuku knew it, really, he understood that. But… he’d always seen his mother as just about the most transparent, honest, sensible and sensitive person on Earth. And it turned out she didn't… exactly… meet that standard, however idealistic. It had been a blow, on top of everything else, one that had left him without a real, fully trustworthy figure when he most needed it. “I know that, but… she should have told me. At some point. There’s no excuse for not doing that.”

“Perhaps. It’s hard to predict the negative impact that such a confession may have on a younger child, but perhaps she should have.” The hero conceded. “I’d refrain from handing down verdicts though. You kept some secrets of your own from her. You hid your quirk-”

“But that’s not the same thing! Not even close! A quirk isn’t as big an omission as your father being a criminal!” Izuku snapped, then immediately hunched his back in regret, his tone losing some volume but not its bitterness. “And, you know, maybe, maybe I wouldn’t have listened to him so readily if someone had warned me that he isn’t exactly an upstanding citizen!”

“Look, it isn’t my place to comment on how things stand or should stand between you and your mother, or how you should behave, but… if there’s one thing you need to keep in mind - and please do keep it in mind, at all times - is that the one person who bears absolute and doubtless blame is your father. That’s the source of all the lies that have been fed to you. Lies and deception are… what he does, really. What he’s always done. You and your mother are both victims in all this.”

Izuku sniffed and wiped some tears and snot on his sleeve. It was gross, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. There was a logic to All Might’s words, but no logic justified the staggering duplicity that had just turned his life upside down. The unfairness of it all was simply too much to accept.

The boy looked up when All Might poked him on the shoulder to catch his attention.

“Speaking of which…” All Might swerved to the left, entering a smaller and more secluded lane leading away from the more trafficked routes. He had resumed his perusal of the area, and his expression had regained a firm, almost steely edge. Izuku followed him. “What I wanted to talk to you about concerns what transpired about your father, and how it will affect your life going forwards.”

No surprise there. The two plain-clothes agents that had shown up that morning, no doubt mourning the loss of their well-deserved Sunday rest, had been clear enough of a warning of some upheaval to the Midoriyas’ routine. All Might’s vague text had only cemented Izuku’s expectations of further disruptions.

“I hate being the bearer of bad news, but it is imperative for you to understand the gravity of your father’s position… especially to prevent him from enacting any sort of manipulation or control on you in the future.” The hero began. “The man you know as ‘Hisashi Midoriya’ goes under many aliases, so much so that we are still unaware of his real name. He has committed an astounding variety of serious crimes, over the course of decades. Even if your mother claims to be aware of his background, I assure you she doesn’t know the half of it.”

Izuku physically curled up under the weight of those words. It was… even worse than they thought? His father sounded more and more like some obscenely powerful yakuza boss or something, which was just… just...

“The police will be gathering and analyzing as much evidence as possible to find clues leading to his current location and activities. All possible forms of communications between you and him will be monitored. Your phones will be bugged, and any electronic devices you own will be fitted with tracking software. Your mail will be examined before delivery.” All Might paused, assessing Izuku’s lack of a reaction to his speech. “Did they tell you about this already?”

“S-Some of it, yeah.” Izuku’s gaze dropped to the asphalt again. The dried tears made the skin on his cheeks and around his eyes itch. “Will there be cameras too? Inside the house?”

“I haven’t heard about cameras. I don’t think so. Seeing as your father never set foot in your house, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to surveil it that closely from the inside. The outside will be watched, so we’d notice anyway if he tried to approach it.”

“...Okay.”

“...I know it’s an oppressive situation. No one likes having their privacy invaded. But know that the professionals in charge of monitoring you are utterly uninterested in you specifically, or in whatever you do with your free time, as long as it isn’t anything outrageously illegal.” All Might’s voice softened again, although not enough for Izuku to dare raise his eyes from the ground. “I hear they are especially unconcerned about peculiar web searches and piracy perpetrated by bored adolescents, and some such things. Anything that isn’t strictly related to the case at hand won’t ever make it into any reports.”

“Mh.” A couple of small mercies were better than none, Izuku guessed. He really couldn’t muster neither enthusiasm nor gratitude for them at the moment though.

“Ah, about this… Those monthly phone calls your mother mentioned are particularly relevant for the police. They are likely their best bet in pinpointing your father’s position.” All Might paused. “For that reason, we would appreciate your cooperation on that front.”

Izuku’s brain suddenly jolted into activity, a myriad of spy movies and comics coming to his mind and offering plenty of distressing scenarios he could be potentially thrusted into. “You mean like… you want me to help you find him? Get him to drop hints about where he is, or- or asking him to go somewhere where you can set up a trap, or-” Izuku looked back up at the man, without bothering to conceal the pure terror that such prospects filled him with.

“What? No, of course not!” All Might exclaimed, surprised. “I mean, it isn’t out of discussion that we may try to actively lure him out at some point, but that would take extensive preparations and precautions on our part. We’d need to gather more intel and agents, recruit other heroes first… We definitely aren’t considering taking any such steps yet.”

“O-Oh… okay…” He let out the tiniest sigh of relief. No wild capers… for now...

“Besides, even if we were, we wouldn’t use a child as bait! Your mother would be much more suited to assist us. Any request from her would have more sway on your father, and she would handle the pressure much better.”

“So… what do you want me to do then?”

All Might shrugged. “Just keep up appearances. Continue having your monthly calls with him as if nothing happened, so as not to alert him that something might be wrong.”

That wasn’t that big of a demand, objectively speaking, but... it didn’t seem feasible either. Izuku’s grasp on his own emotions was tenuous at best at the moment, and his father had always been exceptionally perceptive to his state. He really didn’t think he could endure up to two hours of small talk about heroes, quirks, school and assorted pleasantries without having some sort of breakdown halfway through. Izuku gulped, bracing himself for the inevitable scolding of his cowardice.

“...I-I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I can do that.”

Surprisingly, All Might wasn’t put off in the slightest. “In that case, you could ask your mother to pretend you got hurt in some way that prevents you from speaking. Bad tooth, removed tonsils, broken jaw, you name it. That would earn you at least another month of silence and… hopefully the investigation will make some progress in that time, or you’ll grow used enough to the situation to face him with a cool head.”

That was a reasonable approach to the issue. It was a relief to know that someone else was putting some thinking into all this in Izuku’s place, now that his already flimsy decisional autonomy had stumbled into the metaphorical equivalent of a bear trap. “...I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.” All Might nodded, strangely unperturbed by Izuku's less than proactive attitude. “Other than what I’ve mentioned, you will also be followed wherever you go whenever you aren’t at home or at school-”

“W-What?” Izuku instinctively glanced around, envisioning slow-moving cars or shady individuals with sunglasses and holed newspapers observing him from bushes.

The corners of All Might’s mouth twitched upwards. “You will not be aware of it, nor will anyone else, of course. It will have no actual impact on your daily life, like all the other measures we’ve already covered.”

“But why?” Izuku griped, his heart sinking so deep that it would soon pierce through the Earth’s mantle. “My father isn’t going to suddenly drop by to say hello, you just said so yourself!”

“It’s for your own protection too.” All traces of humor vanished instantly from the hero’s demeanor. “Your father is no stranger to violence. In the past, he has resorted to brutal and immoral means to dispose of his enemies, and... I’m sorry to say that he would not hesitate to employ such methods against his own family, if he deemed it a danger to his own safety.”

Izuku couldn’t hold back a little hysterical chuckle that sounded pitiful to his own ears. “That… sounds a bit exaggerated, doesn’t it? I-I get that he’s a bad guy, but… I really don’t think he’d do something like that to us. H-He’s never even raised his voice with me, never...”

“Midoriya. I beg you to believe me when I say that you can’t trust anything of what you think you know about your father.” All Might stopped to glare intently at a narrow, dingy alley littered with trash bags. “He is dangerous. Extraordinarily so. Tsukauchi is pushing for having further safety measures enforced for your family, and until those have been granted, please be very aware of your surroundings at all times. Refrain from taking unfamiliar routes, and stick to crowded areas whenever you can. I don’t want to scare you, but even having eyes on you at all times is no guarantee of a timely intervention, under unfavorable circumstances.”

“Is it… really that bad?” Izuku breathed, gutted by the unexpected harshness of the picture painted by All Might’s words. It was… inconceivable, still. His father, deliberately hurting him? His father, whose cutting sarcasm was just about the only vaguely hurtful trait Izuku had ever witnessed? His father, a hardened, soulless criminal averse to puns and All Might trivia, and yet always so willing to let Izuku torture him with both? His father, ambushing him from dark corners? “Is he really that bad?”

“Yes.”

“What did he…” Izuku started asking, only to trail off. It was a pointless question, with a clear answer. It had been buzzing in his head for the whole night, blindingly obvious by now. “...He steals quirks, doesn't he? That’s what he does. He... maims people for…”

“I’m afraid he isn’t nearly as conscientious as you in regards to-” All Might cut himself off with a visible flinch. “Wait, he told you about his quirk? You know it’s the same as yours?”

“Y-Yes.”

“You didn’t mention that to us.” Bright pinpricks of blue were suddenly trained on Izuku with piercing intensity. It kept catching him off guard, how both of the Symbol of Peace’s towering forms could switch from amicable to intimidating at the drop of a dime.

“I-I thought… He said it was a secret- one of his confidential matters. I’ve always thought he was some sort of… prison guard or undercover agent…” God, how unbelievably stupid it all sounded now. Izuku had never felt more childish.

“...That goes to show…” All Might mumbled, barely audibly. It unsettled Izuku. It went to show what? His father’s cunning? Izuku’s naivety? Or… surely not that he could be hiding something on purpose...

“I-I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I had no idea how- how serious- I’d never-”

“Mh?” The hero blinked at him, as if emerging from a private musing. “Ah, I mean… There could be some merit to the other thing I wanted to ask of you.”

Izuku just waited, barely able to withstand the acuity of the hero’s gaze without shrinking. After a few tense moments, All Might let out a sigh and resumed walking, his eyes wandering back to the street ahead.

“To be frank… Personally, I don’t think we’re going to achieve much from all these investigations.” He grimaced, as if regretting those words as soon as they left his mouth. “Not for lack of trying, mind you. Tsukauchi is an immensely capable and dedicated officer, he’ll pursue each lead as thoroughly as humanly possible, but… Your father knows how to cover his tracks. Phone calls, payments, mail, blatant cues like those have never brought us close to him in the past, not once. To his associates, yes, to his… ‘aftermaths’, yes. But never to him personally. His circumstances were always shrouded in impenetrable security. I doubt this case will be any different.”

Buildings gave way to the open horizon. They had reached the end of the street, which merged into a largest road running along the coast. They crossed it, and kept going on the opposite sidewalk, looking down on a thin stretch of sand separating them from the sea.

“That said… he did leave one huge trail for us to find this time. A whole family, out in the open.” All Might’s eyes returned to the boy pensively. “A breakthrough like this, if you’ll pass me the term, is unprecedented. The most obvious leads could turn out to be dead ends, but maybe there is something to be found in the smaller things.”

“The smaller things?”

The man gestured vaguely. “He’s been talking to you, has he not? To you and your mother both, for over a decade. Not that often, but… hell, he even told you about his quirk, and one would expect him to be very tight-lipped about that. There might be more to dig up. Details he may have deemed unimportant, or accidentally let slip. Hints. Small things.”

Izuku was finally catching the drift. “I’m really sorry, but… I know you probably can’t take my word for it, but I really don’t know anything about what he does, or ever did. He never let anything slip about his… his ‘job’...”

“Of course not, that’s not what I’m referring to. The thing is…” The hero clucked his tongue in frustration. “We know so little about the man himself as well. His identity, his background, his history… We know next to nothing about him, and what little we do know, we were only able to discover through very unconventional means. If there’s a chance to glean one more shred of information hidden among the fabrications, I think it’s worth pursuing it.”

“So the police are going to question us about… fourteen years’ worth of chit-chats?” That seemed like a disproportionate endeavor for something as volatile as the possibility of parsing an ounce of truth. Exactly how desperate were they to catch this increasingly perplexing father of his?

“That’s the gist of it, yes. And ideally, we would like to interview you separately, to avoid that either of you could, ehr… inadvertently censor yourselves about information not known by the other-”

“Like my quirk. Or dad’s ‘activities’.“ Izuku muttered.

“...Yes. Things like those.” All Might paused, then cleared his throat. “Well… given the delicate nature of the case, we are trying to keep the workforce to a minimum, and involve as few people as possible. This ought to speed up coordination and briefing, as well reduce the risk of information leaks. Tsukauchi will be personally questioning your mother… as well as direct the entire operation. He’s quite the multitasker. And, well… since technically I’m already involved and up to speed and I won’t be contributing to the proper detective work in any capacity… we thought I might take care of hearing your side of the story.”

A little Oh was the whole extent of Izuku’s reaction as the hero’s words washed over him. All Might seemed a little discouraged by that.

“We figured it might put you a little more at ease… Talking with someone you’re already familiar with, instead of a brand new face. And, ehr… well, you mentioned being a fan, so…” He elaborated, his hands drawing half-formed shapes in the air to underline his words. He looked… almost nervous? “It’s just a possibility, of course. If you’d rather be entrusted to a proper member of the force, it’s well within your rights to request that.”

Izuku did not miss the underlying meaning of that winding speech. It was within his rights to request who he wanted to be interviewed by, not if.

“Do I even have a choice?” All Might’s guilty grimace was all the reply Izuku needed. “...No, sorry, I… That’s a stupid question. I’ve no reason to refuse either.” Surely not the faint sense of betrayal knocking on his conscience at that very moment. Could he even feel bad about betraying someone who’d never been honest with him in the first place?

“...I know it’s far from an enticing perspective.” All Might rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “It’s going to eat up a lot of your time, and people are never exactly eager to ‘snitch’ on relatives, even when they’re criminals. But I really think it could be of great help to us.”

So that was the role Izuku was going to have in this whole mess, that of a very oddly-shaped piece in a very complicated puzzle. It could be worse, he supposed. Being stuck in a room talking with the number one hero for hours could hardly be considered a real punishment. Were the topic of the conversation literally anything else, it’d be a dream coming true, even. He should push that angle on himself, Izuku pondered. Maybe he could talk himself into enjoying the whole thing, in some way.

“Since I’m no policeman, I’m amenable to reward you for the time and effort you’ll generously dedicate to the task with suitable bribing. I was thinking snacks, if that doesn’t come off as too cheap.” All Might continued with a tentative grin, although his attempt at levity didn’t stick the landing. “No? How about, ehr… All Might merch?” For some reason, his face scrunched up as if the suggestion physically pained him.

Izuku sighed. There was no point in fighting the inevitable, was there? “It’s fine. I’ll do it.”

“...Thank you, that is very good to hear.” All Might smiled with evident relief. He patted Izuku’s shoulder encouragingly. “I’ll say, you’re taking all this a lot better than I was expecting. For all the crying, you have quite the resilient attitude. Heroic, even!”

Izuku let out a half-choked sob. Oh. Oh, wow, that realization hurt. He hadn’t thought about that since… had it really only been a couple of days since making it into U.A. had been his biggest concern in life? And now…

“Ehr… Sorry, did I say something wrong?” All Might asked when faced with the new bout of tears streaming down the boy’s cheeks. Izuku shook his head.

“S-Sorry, it’s just… I-I guess that’s the closest I’ll ever get to becoming a hero now, uh?”

“What?”

“There’s no way they’ll let me anywhere near a hero course now, is there? My father told me it was basically impossible before, and now...”

“Your father told you that you couldn’t be a hero? Your father who is a villain?” All Might gave him a pointed look. “You may want to start reevaluating some of the nuggets of wisdom he’s been imparting on you in light of the new revelations, kid.”

“But he’s right, isn’t he?” Izuku griped. “It’s even worse now that he turned out to be a villain! A bad one too! Abusing the same overpowered quirk I have, it’s just… too great a bias, isn’t it?”

All Might seemed caught off guard, then he frowned and looked away without replying. There it was, the naked truth. Not even an attempt at a rebuttal. Out of discussion. Izuku’s dreams scattered to the wind, without hope of salvation.

“Y-You know, I actually thought… I could work my way around it.” Izuku continued among the sniffles, dropping his gaze to the ground. “I thought I could just pretend to be quirkless. F-For a while. Pass the test like that, make some friends, get… get trusted as a hero because of my work. A-and then, then one day, just… after everyone trusted me, I thought I could come out clean. And start using my quirk for good. I thought it could work. Get others to know me before my quirk. B-But it’s never going to happen now. The police know, the school will know.”

“...I must say that building your budding hero career on a lie isn’t the most solid plan I’ve ever heard.” There was no accusation in All Might’s tone, but his words still cut deep.

“I know…” Izuku bit his lip. He’d known, but what alternatives did he have?

“But I guess we can’t all carelessly parade our true selves before public scrutiny, can we?” The man sighed, scratching his own head. “You are right about one thing though. Actions do speak louder than words. You might not be able to talk your way out of your… delicate circumstances, but factual demonstrations of good intentions can go a long way.”

“That’s… That’s all I’m asking for!” Izuku’s head snapped up, desperately latching onto that single lifeline. “I would do whatever it takes to be allowed to try!”

“Well, I’d say you’re already on the right path then. Cooperating with the police is definitely a good step to establish good faith.” All Might flashed him a sheepish smile. ”...I’m not saying that just to grind my own axe, I swear.”

“Do you think it would be enough for U.A. to let me attempt the test?”

“You want to apply to U.A?” The hero seemed strangely surprised.

“Yeah. Is it… not a good idea?”

All Might took a few moments to reply. “...It might work in your favor, actually. U.A. is famous for the degree of self-determination afforded to its management by the government. If you’re worried about external interference, U.A. is your best bet to avoid it.”

A tiny, shy flicker of hope ignited in Izuku’s chest.

“...I’ve known the principal of U.A High School for a long time. He’s a bit of an eccentric, but one with an impeccable work ethic.” All Might resumed after a moment. “He’s not the kind of person to let unfair judgement undermine his institute. Especially if it prevented an aspiring hero he deems worthy from being appointed his student.”

“You mean that…?”

“I mean that if you do plan to apply to U.A. you could have a chance of making it in, regardless of your unfavorable background. If you pass the admission test, that is.” All Might suddenly stopped walking. “...What is this?”

Izuku blinked, ripped out of his thoughts, and took in the portion of the seafront they had reached. Wow, he really hadn’t been paying any attention to where they were going, had he? “...Oh. It’s, ehr… an illegal dumping site, I guess.”

“Really?” All Might commented, eyeing the sad, disregarded No Dumping sign welcoming its disobedient visitors.

“Yeah. The currents always bring flotsam to this area, so it was never clean in the first place. And then people started taking advantage of it…”

“And no one ever comes here to pick up any of this?” Strangely, the sight and the slight stench of mounds of rusting metal and assorted junk didn’t bother All Might, who climbed down the few steps separating the sidewalk from the beach.

“No, the city administration never took an interest. Everyone else just avoids this spot altogether. It’s been getting worse over the years.” Izuku had no idea why All Might was studying the piles of dismissed appliances as if they might hold some hidden treasures within, but he felt rather dumb for accidentally introducing this to the hero, of all places in Musutafu, as his first sightseeing landmark. “Sorry, I should have brought us somewhere else.”

“It’s fine.” Undaunted, All Might wandered deeply into the maze of refuse, with Izuku ruefully tagging along. “A safe, handy spot where a passing criminal in a hurry could stash some loot, don’t you think? Good to know.”

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.” Right. That was what it meant for a hero to know his turf, right? It went beyond street names and layouts. It meant to be aware of how each location could lend itself to certain criminal activities, what places could make for good improvised hideouts, where civilians were more or less likely to be gathered...

“How were you planning on passing the admission test?” All Might asked when they reached the water’s edge, eyes fixed on the waves crashing on the sand.

“Uhm. Well, I’ve already started reviewing the subjects listed in the syllabus…”

“I was referring to the practical session, actually.”

“Oh, uhm… Well, I tried looking for information about it online, but there doesn’t seem to be any. Apparently it’s U.A.’s policy to bind all participants to non-disclosure. They say that observing how potential candidates react to unexpected situations is part of the evaluation process, so…”

All Might looked at Izuku, his expression blank. “Yes. So?”

“Ehr.” Suddenly Izuku felt extremely on the spot. “W-Well, without knowing what I’m getting into, I don’t really have any specific strategies in mind.”

All Might cocked his head with a slight frown. “What about generic strategies? What skills were you going to capitalize on?”

“I… Well… I thought I’d just… try my best. Improvise and use my head.”

All Might blinked. “...That is what everyone else is going to do too. Except everyone else will also have a quirk to rely on, while you weren’t going to use yours. That’s a massive disadvantage right there.”

“Yes, I know.” Izuku clasped his hand behind his back in shame. That was an excellent point, one that somehow no one had ever raised with him. Everyone, including his father, instantly shot down his idea as soon it left his mouth. No one had ever asked him to elaborate on the practical details. Which he had sort of… failed to sort out so far.

“And you have no notion as to how to bridge that gap.”

“Not… not yet.”

All Might crossed his arms, sporting possibly the harshest expression Izuku had seen on him yet. It made his stomach lurch unpleasantly. “...Are you serious about this hero thing? Are you sure it isn’t just a passing fancy?”

“It isn’t! It absolutely isn’t!” Izuku answered immediately. “I just… I don’t even know if I’m allowed to bring any tools, or-”

“Tools?” All Might scoffed as he walked back to him and gave him a critical once-over. “Looks to me you already have all the tools you need, if you deigned to consider them.”

“Uh?”

“You have arms, don’t you? Hands. Legs. Arguably a head.” All Might poked at each listed limb with a bony finger as he started circling him like a starved shark. “All in working order, yes?”

“Y-Yes- I mean, I’m not ill or anything, but-”

“Then why aren’t you trying to capitalize on those? A quirk is an important part of a person, but it’s not the only one! You have a body, use it!”

“Ah, yes, I…” Izuku gulped. “It would make sense to, uh, try to get a little stronger, I guess…”

“You guess? ” All Might was reaching yet unexplored levels of visible exasperation, which was saying something considering the whole secret-villainous-father debacle. Izuku didn’t know if getting the number one hero so worked up about his little pipe dream should be considered flattering or shameful. “Being a hero isn’t a desk job! Running fast, lifting heavy weights, enduring fatigue are not optional skills! No matter what quirk they have, no hero worth their salt can neglect to keep in excellent shape!”

“R-Right. Of course. It’s just that, uh…” Izuku fidgeted. “I’m not really good at that sort of… physical stuff. I’ve always been a bit on the scrawny side, and I get tired easily, and I’m no good at brawling-”

“Despite training?”

“...I’ve never followed a proper training regimen, but…”

All Might rubbed his hands on his face. “Kid, unless they have a physical-enhancing quirk, people aren’t just born strong. They get strong by training - do I really have this state this out loud?”

Izuku was fairly sure his face was about to spontaneously combust. Of all the things he’d expected to happen in his near future, being scolded by All Might in person for his lack of commitment to physical activity was not one of them. “Y-You are right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… to disrespect you or your profession…”

“You didn’t, I was just… You seemed passionate about this two days ago...” All Might trailed off. “My point is that all the equity in the world won’t net you a place in U.A. if you don’t pass that test. And if you really are serious about raising your chances of becoming a hero, you have to give this some serious thought, and soon. You can cram months of study into weeks if you have the brains for it, but you cannot do the same with workouts.”

Izuku willed himself to hold his head up straighter. “I-I will. Thank you for your advice, it makes a lot of sense.”

The silence that descended between them was more than a little awkward.

“I’ve pestered you enough for today, haven’t I?” All Might eventually said as he took off towards the sidewalk. “Let’s go back.”

Izuku trailed behind the hero as they made their way among the waste, and almost bumped on him when he slowed to a stop to stare at a particularly high pile of contorted, rusty scraps.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I was just thinking that… What I need is a quiet, lonely place to have some private chats with you, and what you need is a way to work up some muscle and rack up some good karma, right?” All Might scratched his chin as he scanned the heaps of trash hiding the rest of the city from view. “...Say, how do you feel about community service?”

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #All Might #Toshinori Yagi #deku #izuku midoriya

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onf-headcanons · 3 years

Text

Another OFFICE AU aka CEO AU

A/n : Alas its not draft clearing but a brand new work for 2021 (but i still have some drafts as well)XD Hello, did any of you remember an idea dump I dropped for last year Christmas? you could easily guess which was it by tallying the mood board with the idea lists (*winks)

Setting :

1. OFFICE AU 2 , it is a brand new one where ONF member is a young CEO while you are his secretary. So I will name this one as CEO AU

Of course it does not hurt should you wanna imagine it as the already exist office au, using the idea dump posted for 2020 Christmas.

2. ONF MEMBER that I will integrate would be Hyojin and Seungjun as mentioned during the Christmas post, but I wont stop you for imagining other members, thats why in headcanons I will use ONF MEMBER instead their names. (For member X reader scenario)

3. In this headcanon, reader is slightly older than ONF member, maybe 2 or 3 years older. Same age is plausible, then it would be ONF member continued their studies further so they started working late.

ok lets go, beware its long and sorry if it is messy I tried my best to control 2 way storyline, I had fun writing but I know I am lacking much much more than I could notice. total 6k word count (dies)

1-1

• You work as assistant/secretary for the head of department/CEO in company before the young successor joins and his predecessor retires. • Because you tend to separate work life and private life, you established personality to look like ice queen on the outside (reality) but actually passionate carer on the inside (virtually). None of your colleagues knew, only your close friends • You have been using a chat app (not tinder type) for since you started intern, • 1. That app's specialty was anonymous. • 2. Its like a hideout spot where you can share and post whatever you love. (Because there are some co-workers added your FB or Insta and you felt it is a hassle to create another fake account exclusively to add people) • 3. Even though you tried and failed at 1 or 2 virtual relationships with other users, you never despise the thought of online dating. But you do know it’s not realistic so you never take it too seriously (it is also self-protection) • You would post some photos but mostly are just lunch pics, occasionally an outdoor view from your office floor, also some cute stationaries or accessories found on the way back home. (Just adding this trivia for fun linking the universe, maybe you pass by Minkyun’s flower shop as well?) • (It will be funny if your contents was more on sharing random idol pics that you follow, passionately promoting it hence creating a more impact contrast later when revealing) • One day you came across a post asking about what kind of cologne to buy for a predecessor who will be retiring. Being a good Samaritan, you leave a few suggestions under the post and did not really take it to heart, you forgot about it once you see the original author replied "Thanks" • Not knowing that 1 interaction would change your life forever.

1-2 • The next day, your superior announced his retirement and mentioned a young successor will join the company next month. And ONF member being the young successor does make rumors flying around the company, making people questioning his ability as he is related to company board of directors. The department you are in is under top 5 sales/profit bringing, so with a young successor would be inexperienced which might lead to drop of department reputation of course people are going to worry and gossip. • First impression with ONF member is actually ok. Well dressed, good looking and nice manners. The moment he followed his predecessor walks into the office floor, girls starts to make all sorts of gasping noises (lol) • Your superior mentioned that he bought a retirement gift for your superior deep down you approved at the selection of the cologne brand. • You might goes, this guy got sense, not bad. • One night after several days ONF member joined the department/company, you received a PM from a user, thanking you for the cologne recommendation. It took you a while to remember who it was. You politely replied him “You are welcome.” • The user also nonchalantly asked about how you can make such suggestion that pinpoints because by the glance at your profile, first impression could be very much misleading. • You just replied that you happened to know someone at that age who likes that type of scent hence the list of suggestions, what you did was just you taking the liberty to do a lucky guess. • Out of curiosity, you tap at the stranger’s avatar to get a glimpse of his profile, but out of your disappointment, there were no picture of his to know what he looks like. But there are pictures of scenery from places he travelled. • You also noticed that their “joined the app” days are way lesser than you are, quite a new user. • You found a few pictures of places you went before/ places that you want to go. Delighted, you started the conversation asking if he likes travelling and his next travel plans. • The other party replied briefly his plans and his experience during travels, from his words you know that he won’t be travelling overseas for the next 2 years as he had a new job and responsibility to learn. Instead he will be focusing on doing domestic travels. • His words made you reminisce your rookie days and you responded him that you understand him with empathy. You did not pry further but you do give him some encouragement, telling him that things will get better and once he got the hang of it, he will have more time on his own. (Yup at the moment you are thinking he is a freshman or newbie joining new company) • You timidly ask your new chat friend why they decided to join and use the app. He replied, “I don’t really play social media apps and I don’t want anyone to find me online, the anonymous system this app provides mental security for me.” • The reply was so different from those who are playing the app just for flirting and finding a quick date, you replied him, “Same as you.” • The conversation ends by the other party mentions he will need to be early for work and politely wishes you good night. The next morning you found the stranger has added you as friend, without any thoughts you tap on your screen and now you have a new mutual.

1-3 • Back to office, as ONF member is still new towards his scope of work, you would sometimes giving him advise and guides by sharing “What would his predecessor does.” or “What he can do by not violating company policy”. He takes advises well and would always inquire for your suggestion before making any critical decision. • Once he started to get the hang of it, you passed the torch of freedom to him because you are only a secretary/assistant. But he will still come to you, which you felt he was being dependent. (I feel if it is Minkyun, he will be more dependent should the scope of work is totally unfamiliar to him. Tendency of dependent to independent would be Seungjun, Hyojin, Yuto same par as Jaeyoung, Changyoon then Minkyun.) • (Of course sometimes there are some doubt raised regarding to policies and because he sees things in another perspective, you know he meant no harm but sometimes you wish he would just shut up and just follow the policy just for convenience sake+lessen damage. That’s because should any dissatisfaction of decision happens, colleagues will firstly come to interrogate you, hoping you to twist his decision or questioning your ability to lessen the damage done towards merit they/the department holds. AND YOU HATE PLAYING THOSE POWER MIND GAMES, even though the image you impose looked like you are skilled player.) • So there is some sense that being strict is you are trying hard to protect him and protecting yourself. • BTW ONF member, your new superior has a bright personality unlike his predecessor (huge reason is due to the age factor), even though inexperienced in work, he has good be friending skills. So people in the department felt it was less stressful working under him because he would do small talk with his underlings. (This hc is not suitable for Changyoon and Yuto during the beginning, due to their personality they would try but not suddenly initiating small talks on the first week joining.) • IT WILL BE FUNNY IF SOME FEMALE COLLEAGUE TOOK PITY ON HIM BY MENTIONING/GOSSIPING THAT YOU ARE TOO STRICT AGAINST HIM • Its not that you hate him or he does not have the ability to do his work, it’s just when he is standing on the opposing side against company policy it troubles you. • Every time when things like this happens, you would low-key complains by posting status on the chat app, mentioning you don’t hope for an understanding but you would hope those who are not in your shoes would shut up. Your mutuals mostly are office workers as well so resonates with your words. • Your new friend leaves a comment underneath the post you asking if you are doing alright, and hope you do not stress yourself too much. You thanked him for the mental support. • He will even PM you asking if you are doing alright, most of the time you don’t want to lose your cool plus you don’t think it is wise to abruptly rant towards a stranger as if they are emotional sandbag, so you will politely thank him and say that you are alright now. • Since you and your new friend work on the day, you two chat during the night and weekend, getting to know each other in a very casual pace. A bit of child hood and you both also shared your majors in studies. He told you that he used to study at overseas and he picked up hobby of travelling around a bit during those days. • You never turn on the app during lunch (to avoid people finding out) but your new friend does send you some messages during lunchtime. • As you and the new friend get to know each other, there has a few things in common, you two like talking about travels and you two read works by the same author • By the way the new friend is a he. You two are using ID names the whole time during chatting, because you have told him that you are not comfortable giving and knowing each other’s real name. He understands and respects that. • And you confirmed that he is slightly younger than you. Which you replied to him, “Oh my superior is same age as you.” • This new friend gives you a calm and mature vibe even though he is same age as your new superior. You could not help yourself but comparing. • The other party goes: “Wow, he must be a very successfully accomplished youngster.” • You go: “Nah, other than his outgoing personality that brings freshness to the department, he still got lots to learn.” • Your new friend then continues, “Your new superior is a lucky one, I can confidently say that because I have an excellent senior who would always look out for me.” • You respond, “Then you better treat them well.” • And he goes “Of course.”

1-4

• Work is as usual, possible you unintentionally eavesdropping and caught ONF member saying towards you (even better backing you up when some junior colleagues are reverse gossiping about you) : You know, Y/N might look cold and stern sometimes but actually a kind and gentle person. Y/N would always give out advice for the sake of the department/ company. • Cues you would fluster a bit by those words. • A few days later you are done briefing your superior their schedule. And ONF member suddenly ask if you are free for dinner. It’s already his 4th month in the company and wanted to properly thank you for guiding him with patience and prudence. • At first you wanted to decline him because you don’t want to deal with work related stuff after office hours, ALSO you don’t want anyone to start weird gossips. • Another reason is you don’t want to talk about yourself too much in front of your superior. Heck you even avoid your colleague’s invitations for dinner because you value your “me time” very much. • But looking at his anticipating face, you got soft and agreed that a coffee would suffice. ONF member smiles at you suggest both of you to have coffee right now at Starbucks next to your company building. You are free to choose whatever drink you like. • Before both of you leave the room. And then you heard a familiar notification sound, you thought your heart is going to stop, that is the notification sound from the chat app you are using. You did not have your phone with you so it was obvious the sound comes from ONF member’s phone. • And that was a notification alert of the system has found someone nearby and presented to the user. It got you curious and worried at the same time. • At Starbucks, ONF member had to answer a call, so you ordered his drink as well. • Later you see him start replying messages while waiting for orders to be done. You wanted to have a peek at his user name but you are a few steps away and your instinct told you better don’t do that. What if it is already someone you already know? • “Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” You tell yourself. • Once you are at your desk, you took some deep breath to calm yourself and try to remember if you recalled wrongly but truth is you are accurate. You hurriedly checked you phone, there were no new messages and you are sure you have turned off location visibility. Lucky for you it was never turned on to begin with. • You also kind of worried if your superior actually has a “fun” lifestyle after office hours. But, it’s hard to relate him to a playboy image when he looked like a friendly good boy. You shake your head and deny yourself. • “If (ONF member name) uses that app then I will need to be more careful.” you thought while sipping the frappe. So back at home, you started to alter all posts’ visibility to “Visible for mutuals only”. Took you nearly a whole night but better safe than sorry.

1-5 • More weeks pass by peacefully but one day a conflict happened between you and ONF member and some colleagues/minor members of the board. He went ahead to announce that he decides (had a thought) to run a campaign/new rule (maybe a budget cut). The moment he finished his sentences, you know the seniors will not be happy with it. • Later after meeting, you politely confront with ONF member that he should discuss with you before announcing it on meeting. Plus, announcing without any advance preparation will put him and you in an awkward position as verbal announcement are not persuasive enough. Of course you are also worried that people might use this issue to tackle and exploit the cons of both of you being inexperience and young. • “With all due my respect, Mr.(ONF member name), it will be nice if you could discuss with me before dropping that bomb at the meeting.” you try not to sound fierce but your tone clearly does not sound you are cool with his actions at all. • “And later having you lecture me and stop me? You do know it was for the good of the company too right?” He retorts like usual • “Yes but no.” you try to fight back. “ It’s not that easy, there are people need to be dealt with and I don’t think you--” • Before you could finish, ONF member says with an eyebrow raised, “You don’t think I can handle it, because I am still unexperienced.” • You unconsciously frown and thinking, why is he suddenly trying to pick a fight deliberately today? Why is he suddenly trying to piss off seniors in the department/company? • ONF member then with firm tone, gives you suggestion, “Should you have anyone come to you and complain, tell them that you knew nothing at all and request them to talk to me directly instead.” • “I am the CEO, not you.” He adds. • You could not help but sigh, knowing there is not point arguing because he is not going to back down. And deep down you do know the new rule/budget cut will do more merit than harm. (Your focus is more on how deal with seniors employees not him for now because seniors are more pain in the ass compared to him) • But still there are people come to you and bug you while you are working and you can’t tell them to leave you alone hence it stresses you out. • You escape to the bathroom taking your phone with you and vents out at the app by posting a status mentioning you are just trying to do your job and wants a peaceful work days. • You also come across seeing your new friend posting a status prior your meeting time, it’s a photo of frappe you recommended him to try it out. He is thanking you for recommending it. • You could not help but feeling a bit jealous, should your title and work scopes are different/ should you are just normal employee rather than a CEO’s secretary, you might not need to face these kind of stress. • “Guess you have to bear what you signed up for huh?” you thought to yourself after 15 minutes cooling yourself down. • You switched your mind set and step out from bathroom. Returning to your place with your usual ice cold face. You are trying hard not to show that you are weak against stress. You are too immersed at people coming at you asking you questions, without knowing ONF member actually observing you with concerned gaze from his room. • That night, you receive a PM from your new friend asking if you are doing ok, as you never sound that upset before. He said he can lent an ear so you can tell him what happened. You spare him all the intricate details and tell him briefly that your superior made a mess and you need to clean it up also back his plan no matter you like it or not. • The whole progress he did not interrupt you nor tried to tell you what you should do, he let you type all the way until you finished. Once you are done, you asked, “I don’t know what might be up in his sleeves that it’s inconvenient for me to know beforehand but... Isn’t he a jerk, putting me into an awkward situation?” • Your friend backs you up and agrees with you that matters should be discussed, and critiques your superior actually could trust you more. • You thanked your friend for letting you to rant and mentioned you have accepted the fate because of the title and responsibility you hold in the company. That’s being professional and mature in office. • The other party replied that even if that is the case, he hope you don’t stresses yourself too much as it seems your new superior still needs your guidance and support. • You playfully replies, “Well I am not his babysitter XD, he will need to face a lot of issues by his own someday.” • “Why is that?” • “Well I can’t always be by his side though? I might get married and resign.” you reveal your future plans to your new friend, “Moreover, even I don’t resign, I might take pregnancy leave though?” • The other party comments, “I never thought you had that planned out.” • And he continues, “Your profile gives out the ‘I love my job so much.’ vibe” • You then back up your point by saying you do want that plan to work but too bad you are single now, so of course you are going to focus on your job more. Plus, you do not plan to find a partner in work place anyways. • The new friend leaves more supportive words and hoping it will cheer you up. By the end of the conversation, he also offers that you can come to him and rant should you need an ear. • You grin at his words and felt warm towards his actions. Rarely any of your mutual actually PM to check up on you. “Maybe he was just being nice.” you thought before you wish him good night.

1-6 • The next day, you are being summoned by your superior the first thing in the morning. He passes you a pile of documents and requests you to go through it. It a proposal regarding to the budget cut/new rule and he hope you can be his ally. His gaze is not as firm as yesterday, but it’s more of seeking approval and acknowledgement from you. • You let out a sigh and mutters, “You know, should you have hand this to me beforehand the situation won’t be that ugly.” And then you start to flip the pages. • “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But I really want to make it work. It’s also a handover work by my predecessor.” • “You look up upon him too much, ONF member, he is a sly fox just like the other seniors.” You do not mean to back stab but you are telling the truth. “Has it never come to your mind why he did not initiate the plan when he is here and requested you to initiate it when he is gone?” • “I know. But this move is going to benefit the company; I am willing to bear responsibility.” ONF member adds • You stop reading and look at your superior in the eye, “You better hope this work though, I don’t want my 5 months effort of guiding you goes to waste. And I hate the idea that I need to re- adjust my pace with a new superior.” • ONF member gets your intentions behind your words; he swiftly stands up from his chair and thanked you. “I owe you big one, Y/N. Another cup of coffee to thank you for reals?” • “No thanks, I will be busy. Next time.” You feel uncomfortable because the social distance between you two seems shortened, so you politely decline. • Luckily the whole budget cut/new rule policy worked out fine and by year end, benefits shows. You and ONF member can finally relax a bit knowing that you both have won the fight.

1-7 • Meanwhile, you did not stop interacting with your recent favourite friend. As you two got to know each other even more, both of you chat almost every day during the night. He never bores you and he can understand most of the topic you bring up. You are amazed that how can someone has so many things in common? • It spikes your curiosity and you ask him if a wonderful person like him has a partner in real life. He answers you that he is single, just like you are. • (You thought he is lying because he is such a nice guy, but of course you do tell yourself not to 100 percent trust everyone online) • Then he asks your opinion about online virtual dating. You honestly told him about your experience. But you added that even though you failed twice/thrice, you are not against it. • And that moment, you don’t know what has gotten into you, you playfully type, “You are asking my opinion on that as if you are preparing yourself” • “Prepare for what?” he asks • “To get yourself an online girlfriend.” You reply. • His respond reads, “Yes I am.” • “That’s wonderful. That girl you will be confessing is a lucky one.” • “Yea, indeed you are.” • You pause for a moment when you saw the message. • “Wait, you serious? ME??” you quickly send him the message because you thought should you hesitate longer, the mood will turn awkward. • He replies you by sending you a heart emoji. • You give a quick thought, well it is interesting chatting with him and he does seem nice. Plus, it’s online anyway, you could call it off should he becomes toxic and annoying like your previous experiences. • “I wasn’t sure if you are ok with someone like me. “He continues. “I am fine if you want to call it off should you found someone in real life later on.” • “Don’t be silly, that should be my line.” You retort him. • And then you have it, another secret. You have an online boyfriend now. You both even declared each other as a pair of soulmate publicly on the app. But you two did not exchange selfies, keeping the relationship virtual and anonymous. • However you two always share interesting stuffs happen on daily. New book, new cd, a random shot of a puppy or cat you met on the street. • Also before year end, you overheard girl colleagues gossiping about your superior has a girlfriend now; you are not interested at his private life so you just let it slide. • But you did briefly mention it to your boyfriend. Not in a gossip tone, more of a life update share. • Of course there are some girl colleagues that are ok with you comes to you, hoping you leak some information about ONF member’s rumoured girlfriend. But of course you know nothing at all, leaving them with disappointed answer. • Fast forward to the week before Valentine’s Day. It is also 10th month since ONF member joins the company. • Out of the sudden, your online boyfriend suggests you two to meet up. You are not against it, and it’s not like you never met anyone you know from the app. Thinking why not knowing a new friend in real life, you agreed his offer. (Also because you are curious what he looks like so that you can understand why he was single before dating you) • You even inquired his preference in chocolate and promise bringing him some on official first date. • Your boyfriend thanks you and suggests a place for dinner. You knew that place, it’s expensive and you could not help but wondering if he is trying hard to match you. (You still thinks he is just a normal employee in a company) • But, your boyfriend only replies: “Don’t worry, it is the perfect spot, I could not think of others that are suitable to our taste.” • You can only acknowledge it because you don’t want to have an argument to blow up but deep down you could not help yourself to start doubting again. • “It’s going to be Ok, right?” you question your decision, but it’s too late.

1-8 • On Valentine’s Day, younger female colleagues in your office give out chocolate treats to younger male colleagues as friendship presents, some of course using the occasion to confess. • You don’t have the habit of presenting chocolate treats as a token of friendship appreciation at the office. But you are giving your date chocolate treat later; you hid yours in your bag carefully scared of being teased should anyone saw it. • ONF member gets some too. One female colleague even teases him if he is going to get chocolate from his girlfriend. And ONF member replies that he might get it later that night. • Of course ONF member will asks you for chocolate treat with an innocent face, you just bluntly tell him that you don’t have the habit to give out chocolate treats, he only pouts after listening to your respond. • By the way today you unintentionally changed your makeup (lipstick or eyeshadow). No one dared to make any comments but not your superior, ONF member. • He goes: “Y/N ah? Did something good happen on you? Are you going to a date tonight?” • You are typing quick report and his words caught you off guard. You flinched at his words. Hoping ONF member did not notice, you quickly lied by telling him simply ran out of your usual makeup colour. • But your superior teases you a bit, “Aww, I was hoping I could attend your wedding in near future. “ • You have gotten used to his socializing pattern, so you counter him by asking if he is going to bring his girlfriend to have a nice dinner at a grand restaurant. • And to your surprise, he revealed the place he will be having dinner with his partner. It’s the same place where you are heading to later. He had a special room booked exclusively for tonight’s date. • “Oh, Oh… Have fun and enjoy your dinner.” You force yourself to break a smile. • ONF member only smirks at you and gives you a few pats on your shoulders and says he will have an unforgettable night before returning to his room. Leaving you questioning the meaning of his actions that are unpredictable but also definitely intentional. • Of course you had a quick thought asking your boyfriend if it is possible to change location, you could not bring yourself to ask as you are worried you might sound rude/arrogant trying to change plans on the last minute. You deduced that since ONF member will be having dinner in a room, you might not going to bump into him. You and your boyfriend can just finish dinner quickly. • You could not have that bother you too much time because you need to finish your report so that you can leave on time. Once it reaches the end of office hours, the others started to leave. You made up a plan to leave after ONF member leaves the office. You keep raising your gaze to have a slight peek towards your superior’s room. • Seeing him finally standing up from his chair and adjusting his suit. You can tell he is finally leaving. He passes through your desk and asks, “Y/N ah, please don’t tell me you are planning to work overtime during this special day?” • You only smiles and tell him you are going to finish soon, “Don’t you have a dinner to attend?” you remind him without looking at him, acting as if you are typing the remaining contents of your report. • “Yea I do. See ya.” ONF member waves you goodbye. • You leave the office after 10 minutes. (As for method of transport to the restaurant, I will leave it to your choice.)

1-9 • You reach the building of the restaurant. You let out a sigh, hesitating to step in nonchalantly knowing ONF member is inside there as well. The least thing you definitely do not want to happen is ONF member finding you having a dinner date tonight. It’s embarrassing and it will break the balance of your work and private life. • While you are pacing in front of the building with hesitation, you receive a chat notification from the app. You open it and it was your boyfriend, notifying you that he has arrived, and he reminds you the restaurant located at 38th floor. • You nervously bite your lower lip knowing it’s too late and it is rude of you to cancel the date on last minute. He was a decent person to chat with and you don’t want to lose a good friend. You are blaming yourself for agreeing to attend this date too casually. And you also find yourself way too wary of your virtual boyfriend’s thoughts towards you should you now called him to cancel the date. • Then you heard a familiar voice called out your name and you turn your head towards the voice unconsciously. It’s ONF member, walking out from the building. You flustered and panicked by just imagining scenarios of him asking why you are here and other many more questions. • “OMG…. Shit shit shit….!” You cursed in your head, regretting your life decisions. Recalling the entire chat context between you two, this might be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. • He is grinning while reaching out to grasp your hand. You unintentionally try to back away from him but he was faster. You tried to pull your hand away but he pulls you toward him instead. You nearly bumped towards his chest. • “Y/N ah, I told you its 38th floor; you did not get my message?” ONF member asks as his smirks widens. • As he finished his words, you only look at the young guy in front of you with disbelief, processing his words. Seeing you froze due to the big plot twist, ONF member taps you on your forehead hoping to unfreeze you. • “It can’t be…You are (ONF member’s ID in the app)?! “You exclaim. • “Yeap.” He responds. • “Impossible…How?” you ask. “How did you know it was me?” • “At first I had my doubt when I first saw an old post of yours. You shot a sunset pic from our office floor by the window near the lift right?” he returns with another question. And man he is good at remembering details. • “Then I confirmed that it was you by the time I announced budget cut/new rules for the company/department. ” he explains • “I…” You could not bring yourself to say anything, but you are not an idiot, “(ONF member name), did you risked your reputation in the company just to find out a stranger’s real identity?” • “No, I did not, I swear. I initiated the plan to suddenly announce the budget cut because I want to find out which board seniors will make a move to cover up themselves, as requested from my predecessor.” He knows you well to sense that you are angry, and he quickly denied. “I only know it was you when I checked up on you. Since then I have been dropping so many hints for you to realize, but it seems like you are the dense one here.” • You can tell he is telling the truth. • “This is absurd…” you mutter while placing your hand on your forehead. • ONF member let out a sigh and he shifts behind you, places his hands on your shoulders then pushes you forward. “Come on, I am starving we can talk about it later, you did not had a decent meal during lunch as well right?” • He is right, you only had a mini croissant during lunchtime.

• You follow him without a word to the entrance of the building and enter the lift to 38th floor. ONF member has booked a nice room that both of you can enjoy the city’s night view.

1-10 • It was a luxurious dinner but you are not in the mood enjoying it. In fact you are so stressed that you could not even taste your food. You did not touch your dessert at all. • You only quietly trace the shape of wine glass in front of you while looking at the night view, hoping the night to pass quickly. • “You are not happy with me being your date, Y/N?” he suddenly asks. • You jolted and you finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight. • “You startled me, I am still trying to grasp the situation here.” You reply him with a low voice, trying to act calm by casually bring your drink closer to you and hydrates your throat. • “Hey Y/N-ah, I know you mentioned before that you don’t like the idea of dating someone from the office, but…” his eyes are fixed on you. “I like you. Not just the virtual you, but also the real you.” • “I called you a jerk.” You know you should not bring it up, but you still did. • “Which I did act like one so, no hard feelings.” He accepted. “I am truly sorry about that, I was trying to prove myself way too hard.” • Now it got awkward since he apologized without any complaints. You don’t know what to say and avert your gaze again. • “You know, Y/N ah, when you are stressed, you tend to avoid other people’s eye contact. “he breaks the silence. “And you are doing that ever since you reached here.” • Upon hearing his words, you flinched and exchange eye contact with the young man sitting in front of you. • “And oh, and you flinch as well.” He adds, “Which is very adorable in my opinion.” • “(ONF member’s name), I …” you try to explain yourself but he cuts you off. • “It alright, you don’t have to push yourself, I have made you stressed out way too much today.” ONF member smiles at you while saying based on what he observed. • He finally stands up and offers to send you home. You could not decline him because you felt terribly sorry for ruining such as nice date. • “I am sorry, should it is another girl, it will be a terrific night for you.” You apologized before leaving his car. • “Don’t worry; it is an unforgettable night for me.” He responds with his usual smile. • Back at your place, you are frustrated that the night ended up in an awkward and weird way. You only noticed that you did not get to hand him the chocolate treats as promised. • You cannot sleep that night, gazing at the chocolate treats as you holding the package in your hands. You cannot tell if you messed up or you are lucky that he happened to like you. • You wanted to consult a random mutual of yours but you hesitated. Because at this point you are not sure if you actually have the full grasp on the situation. And you don’t want a biased reply. • “It’s just this boyfriend of yours happened to be him, I guess?” you murmur to yourself. But that did not clear up your mind enough for you to make any decision towards the situation. • Several days passed, ONF member did not send any message to you in the chat app. He acted like usual back in office, but it does not look like he has any intention to talk about what happen between you two either. • (The problem is you cannot look at him in the eye) • You are troubled if you should initiate the first move. It’s not like you hate him, you never did in the first place, it’s just he annoys you sometimes. • Then you overheard ONF member having small talk with colleagues, and they ask about his Valentine’s Day. He only replies it was an unforgettable night and he is glad that he is able to meet his girlfriend, it was better than never meeting her at all.

1-11 • From his words, you gain a bit of courage and decided to make your first move. • The next day you arrived at the office earlier than usual, you take out something from you bag and places small gift box on ONF member’s desk. The small box has a memo attached to it. • You hurried back to your desk, acted as if nothing happened while the office starts have more and more colleagues coming in. ONF member arrives later on and he greets you before heading in his room. • You take some quick glances, making sure ONF member notices your belated Valentine’s day gift. • He did noticed and read the memo you attached, then he made a confused look but he adjusts his facial expression immediately as he sees you stood up from your place. • You head to his office room to brief his morning schedule. Like usual, you step into his room, closes the door and starts the briefing. ONF member stares at you with a puzzled expression while sitting on his chair. • Once you done your part and you ask him if he has any schedules to add into the list, he places the gift box into your view and pushes it towards you. • “What do you mean by this?” he inquires. • “I promised you chocolate for Valentine’s day, sorry I was late.” You purposely answer him the wrong information. “ Don’t worry I made a brand new ones.” • “You know I meant this.” He pulls out the memo has his eyes fixed on you. • The memo wrote, “(ONF member’s ID), Let’s call it off --- (Your ID)” • “That’s how it is.” You tried not to break into a smile, you are getting your revenge and this is fun. “You are the one who said you are fine to call it off if either one of us found someone in real life right?” • ONF member pauses for a moment, his eyes wandering then he admits he did say that. • “Well you found someone in real life, so there is not point for us to continue virtual dating on the app anymore right?” you slightly let out a victorious smirk as you ask him. • ONF member finally gets what you mean and he let out a smile. He puts down the memo and pushes himself up from his chair and walks towards you. • Thankfully the design of his room is made up of walls, once the wooden door is closed; no one knows what happens inside. • “So, you are fine with us dating in real life then?” You can feel his breath as he is only one step away from you. This time you are not going to back away and you look at him straight in the eyes. • “I will need to adjust a bit. You have a problem with me being your girlfriend?” you reply with him with another question. • ONF member unconsciously let out another smile, he quickly hides it with his hand, “No, not at all…” and those were the words you can hear coming out from him • “That settles it then.” You widen your grin towards him before turning around ready to leave his office. • But you are being pulled back by a pair of arms. Your back come contact to his chest area. He is hugging you from behind you. • “Seriously, I don’t get you.” He low key complains. “I thought you are going to hate me for real this time.” • “I was going to, you did not texted me and you acting like nothing happened after that night.” You pout as you explain to him. “I thought I have ended my career the moment you told me who you are. And who would have thought a decent CEO would date someone randomly they met in a online chatting app?” • “I am sorry; I thought leaving you unbothered for some time so that you don’t get stressed out.” You could tell from his tone he does feel apologetic. He never sounds like that before during work.

• "But I am dead serious on trying to start a proper relationship with you that’s why I suggested for us to meet up.” he continues. “Glad you felt the same.”

• You freed yourself from his hug and turn to him. • “Now listen, (ONF member’s name), as we are professionals, I do hope you understand that there is a clear line between work and private life.” You remind him. “Just because we are dating now, does not mean that I am going to let you off easily if you messed up during work, ok?.” • “Man, I don’t think I will ever win you huh?” ONF member only look at you affectionately and continues, “As you wish, my beloved assistant/secretary.”

A/N : the concludes for this oneshot headcanon fic should there are more ideas I might write a continuation about this pair for a part 2. Also thinking of linking the universe with MInkyun Florist AU, just a maybe.

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saiilorstars · 3 years

Text

Familial Bonds Pt. 1-One Shot

Companion to Dare To Forget Me || Montserrat’s masterlist

Pairing: Rafael Barba x OFC

Summary: Thanks to Casey Novak, Detective Montserrat and her brother have an argument over their family's hurtful past. While Casey tends to Montserrat's brother, Rafael has his go at Montserrat with the intention of helping her make a decision.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles @averyhotchner

“Montse, please, it’s ridiculous! Why should we even entertain the idea of visiting her? We don’t even know her!” the loud voice of a man pulled several customers’ attention from other tables.

“Gael, that’s the whole point of visiting her!” Montserrat tried to argue in a normal tone but her brother was just being plain annoying. Gael Novak had that talent since she could remember. “I don’t know how she got my number but I’m glad she did. She just wants to know us, Gael.”

“I don’t want to know anyone from her family,” Gael’s spat made Montserrat flinch in her chair. “And you shouldn’t either-”

“-now hold on-”

“-she’s her mother- ”

“-and your grandmother!”

“Only biologically!”

As the two siblings went back and forth, their loud voices progressively drew in customer’s attention. Just as the manager was going to go talk to them - since he knew the Novak family quite well - he spotted the third, eldest Novak coming in through the doors. He hated to have to call her in, especially when she wasn’t alone herself, but things were getting pretty rowdy.

“Casey,” the manager smiled with relief as he came up to her. “Rafael, nice to see you again.”

The two ADAs smiled at the man, but they both faded when they heard the ongoing argument towards the back.

Casey closed her eyes, letting a sigh slip through her lips. “Please don’t tell me those are…”

“Detective Novak and the contractor?” Rafael finished for her, still feigning thought about the voices. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is. She’s shouted enough for me to recognize her.”

Casey inwardly groaned. She put a hand on the manager’s shoulder and promised him she would get the two to be quiet or leave.

“...I think it’s a waste of time! And honestly, the fact you’re not giving my opinion a decent consideration is offensive!”

"Bold of you to think I would care!” Montserrat’s shout was the last response of the argument.

“Would you two please be quiet?” Casey’s presence startled the two, even more so when they saw Rafael. “The entire block can hear you.”

Montserrat busied herself with a chip that she aggressively plunged into salsa. “If Gael wasn’t being so-”

“-oh, what? What am I being, hm?” Gael snapped but Montserrat purposely remained silence. She just took a bit of her chip and chewed. “Don’t give me the silent treatment! We’re not kids anymore!”

“No, you aren’t, so be quiet,” Casey warned the two to listen to her. “Just tell us what the hell are you two arguing over?”

Montserrat reached for another chip but instead of eating it, she just cracked pieces off. “Our...grandmother...called me. I don’t know how she got number, but...she called.”

“Grandmother? Wait, didn’t you mention…” Rafael trailed off when Casey made a cutting motion across her neck.

Montserrat looked up at the two suspiciously. “Mention what?”

Casey purposely ran a hand through her hair, gaze shifting on the ground. Rafael was just confused but he ultimately elaborated a little. “Casey mentioned something about a grandmother of yours earlier. The only time I’ve seen her happy after losing a case.”

Casey shot him a mock glare. “Thank you. I see why Montse complains about you.”

“I didn’t know it was a secret,” he shot back.

“Casey, what’s going on?” Gael asked from his cousin. She wasn’t usually one to get into familial problems like this.

“Nothing,” Casey tried to be casual about it but her awkward shifting was enough to put both siblings in further suspicion.

“Rafael, you seem to know,” Montserrat looked at him sharply. “And if you don’t tell me what it is I’ll make sure your time with me becomes even more unbearable.”

“That’s possible?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Try me.”

Now, the reason he decided to ultimately share was not because of the threat Montserrat imposed on him - maybe like 10% of his reason - but instead it was for the sheer fact that Montserrat looked genuinely upset. He’d seen her angry on occasions but it was always due to their challenging cases. This was something more personal, and he didn’t quite like seeing her this way. Besides, what Casey did didn’t seem to be bad in his perspective.

“She just...she just said she gave your grandmother your cell phone number,” his words may have well been the words of war. Gael fixated a deep glare on Casey but Montserrat stayed quiet, frozen even.

“Casey, what the hell!?” Gael shot up from his chair. “Why would you give that woman Montse’s number!? Tell me you didn’t give her mine !?”

“I thought it would do you well - both of you well,” Casey’s honest answer pulled Montserrat’s gaze up to the woman. “I know your mother’s side of the family isn’t one you speak to but she sounded genuinely curious about you two. I didn’t see any harm-”

“-you shouldn’t have done anything!” Gael continued to shout. “This isn’t your problem, Casey! Do us the favor and just keep your nose in your cases!” he grabbed his jacket off his chair and stormed towards the doors.

“Gael, wait!” Casey left her things on the table in a hasty manner. She put a hand on Montserrat’s shoulder, lowering herself for a quick moment. “I just wanted to help.” She pulled her hand back and hurried to catch up with Gael on the street.

Montserrat shook her head and started dusting her hands off from the crumbles of chips. “I’m sorry,” she said so hushed Rafael could barely hear her. She was getting ready to leave, but she seemed nowhere near herself.

“Montse, hold on,” Rafael put a hand on her arm to keep her in her chair. He slowly took the chair next to her, motioning he was just going to talk, though she wondered if this was just going to be another session of poking fun at her like it usually was. “Whatever this whole thing is about, I can personally vouch that Casey did seem to have the best intentions. She was excited to know what you would say.”

“I don’t doubt that she did this in good faith, but Gael was right. It wasn’t her place,” Montserrat reached for her purse hanging on her chair.

“M-Montserrat, please talk to me,” Rafael’s request came as unusual for Montserrat. He knew that too which was why he added on, “I like to think that despite our...rockish...moments, we are indeed friends.”

“Rockish,” Montserrat repeated with the tiniest of smiles, but for Rafael is was a start.

“C’mon, talk. Casey’s coming back so we’re not going anywhere,” he made himself comfortable in his chair. As Montserrat reached for another chip he smacked her hand away from it, making her roll her eyes.

“This is our maternal grandmother we’re talking about-”

“-kind of figured,” Rafael said through munches. “Casey Novak loves to talk about her grandparents.”

“After my mom walked out on our family my Dad moved us to a whole new neighborhood so we wouldn’t have to see any of her family again, and much less her. That’s just the way things were until today,” Montserrat sighed. She finally grabbed a chip but she just toyed with it at the plate’s edge. “I acknowledge that my mother doesn’t love me nor my brother, but that doesn’t have to extend to my grandmother, right?”

“Shouldn’t have to, but you knew that already,” Rafael flashed her a smile. “It’s why you came to talk to Gael, right?”

“Correct,” Montserrat sighed again. “I thought maybe...maybe the both of us could visit her. She lives in the Bronx. She sounded sweet on the phone - but nervous, she was so nervous too. She wants to meet us. It caught me by surprise but...I don’t know-” she shrugged ever-so-casually, “-it felt nice. She spoke to me in Spanish, you know I don’t know that.”

“Oh, I know,” Rafael didn’t hesitate to confirm that. Despite her Latin side on her mother’s side, Montserrat didn’t own a drop of the Spanish language.

Montserrat smiled out of embarrassment. “She was so sweet I just...I couldn’t help feel curious myself. Who is my grandmother, you know? What can she teach me? Will she love me despite never meeting me?”

“Well, I have to be honest,” Rafael dusted his hands off from the chips. “It takes time to get used to you-” Montserrat sarcastically tilted her head at him, “-but after some time, you get to realize that you are a good person. And you deserve to be happy.”

Montserrat’s face softened, albeit a trace of surprise still made an appearance. “Who are you and what have you done with Rafael Barba?” He rolled his eyes at her but she swore she saw a tint of a blush on him for a second.

“I mean it, Montse. Take it from someone who’s already lost their grandmother. Don’t let a potentially good relationship slip from your hands. This woman found Casey just to find you. That alone should show good intentions.”

“But what if Gael was right? What if it’s just a waste of time?”

“Do you think it’d be a waste of time?”

Montserrat took in a breath while she thought. “My Dad said that my mom’s family was big. I have aunts, uncles, cousins...all these people I’ve never met before. I’d like to get to know them. And my grandmother…” she got lost in thoughts only to be pulled back when Rafael placed his hand over hers on the table. His warmth provided a support she didn’t even know she needed. It just felt pretty good. “Gael is going to be pretty mad at me for going…” she admitted it troubled her to know Gael would probably shout at her all over again.

“You don’t have to tell him right away if that makes it easier on you,” Rafael suggested. “Take your time, get to know this woman who - for some reason - wants to meet you…”

Montserrat rolled her eyes at his smirk. She tried to pinch his hand around hers but it ultimately turned into a tighter grip between them. She took refuge in it and wondered if it would be ridiculous to ask if she could talk to him first after meeting with her grandmother.

#ocappreciation #svu #rafael barba #svu imagines #rafael barba imagines #fd: svu #oc: Montserrat Novak

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spaceorphan18 · 4 years

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99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #8

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

I’m using this as a fun writing experiment for a) writing short things and b) writing things from a multitude of varying perspectives. Have fun! :)

This one’s a little longer since it was part of my original attempt at this project - they won’t usually be this length.

[Ao3]

***

Finn Hudson (Furt)

It’s Friday night, after the football game. It hadn’t gone well. Coach Beiste had spent a good twenty minutes lecturing them on teamwork and all that crap. They had known. It’s not like they hadn’t had a good streak before that night. He’s tired and hungry and desperately needs a shower.

He also knows Rachel is waiting for a phone call. Not that she hadn’t been at the game - she had - but Rachel demands more energy from him than the rest of his life put together. He’s not sure he has the energy tonight, but Rachel’s texts keep flying in.

Rachel : Make sure when you get home you talk to Kurt!! Rachel : I’m Worried that he didn’t come to the game today. Rachel : It’s probably because of Karofsky and those other jerks. Rachel : They’re being awful, Finn. You need to step in. Rachel : Finn, have you talked to Kurt yet??? Rachel : Have you??? Rachel : Are you ignoring me again??

He leaves his football equipment by the foot of the stairs, and throws his phone on the end table. Rachel’s texts still light up the screen, and she’ll probably be pissed that he isn’t responding, but he isn’t entirely sure what she wants him to do. Kurt’s fine - or at least he’s seemed fine since he’s been to Dalton. Besides, he’s too tired to think about other people’s problems. All he wants to do is grab a Mountain Dew and crash.

Kurt is at the table when Finn walks into the kitchen - the table full of designs, notes, and planners for their parents’ wedding. Finn’s not surprised, Kurt has taken his job as wedding planner pretty seriously. There are details Finn’s never even heard of that Kurt seems to have covered. Kurt had once tried to explain the Fung Schway or whatever to him, but it all sounds like a bunch of nonsense in his head.

Kurt, however, isn’t alone. His new friend from Dalton - Blaine - is with him, chatting with Kurt about the designs. It’s almost like listening to a foriegn language. Honestly, Finn’s gotten used to seeing Blaine around. He’s been over at least twice a week since Kurt met him. (And always wearing that blazer. Doesn’t he ever get sick -- or too hot -- wearing that thing?) Finn doesn’t know what Blaine’s home life is like, or if he’s just interested in Kurt (are they dating? Finn can’t keep it all straight) but Blaine stays until Burt literally has to kick him out - Kurt complaining about it the whole time.

Sometimes Finn wishes Rachel would stay that late, but Rachel has her beauty routine she has to do before bed, and therefore is always out the door promptly at 9:45pm, even if they’re in the middle of making out.

“Finn! How was the game?” Kurt asks, not bothering to look up. Finn doubts Kurt cares about the football game - he rarely ever asks.

“Azimio fumbled. They scored a touchdown and we never really got the lead back,” Finn says with a grumble as he opens the fridge. “Beiste bitched us out forever after the game.” Oohh, Burt had left the makings of a sandwich. A sandwich sounds good, too. He pulls out the plate along with a bottle of Mountain Dew that is stashed in the back.

“Azimio is a clueless Neanderthal, who probably has his lackeys tying his shoes for him because he doesn’t know how to do it himself,” Kurt snarks.

Finn holds back a groan. He doesn’t want to get into it tonight with Kurt.

“Well, from what Kurt’s told me, it sounds like the guy would be better used as a tackle and not a wide receiver,” Blaine says, unexpectedly.

“You know something about football?” Finn asks.

“Yeah, footballs great!” Blaine says, with a higher level of enthusiasm than Finn thought would have from someone who went to a prep school. “Actually, I’m excited for next weekend because my dad and I are going to an Ohio State game. We don’t do much together, but we do that every year.”

“That’s totally cool man.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty fun.”

“Oh, so I guess that means you’re not coming to the wedding then, huh?” Finn asks. “I would have figured Kurt would have nagged you to be his date by now.”

“Finn!” Kurt snaps, not able to hide the coloring in his cheeks.

So, Blaine isn’t his boyfriend? Finn’s so confused.

“Um, no,” Blaine shakes his head politely, avoiding eye contact. “I mean, yes, Kurt asked, and it’s a nice gesture, but I wouldn’t want to impose on a family thing even if I could come.”

“I told you, it’s not an imposition.,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes as he begins to draw on one of the blank pads in front of him.

“So what kind of seats did you get?” Finn asks as he puts the finishing touches on the sandwich.

“They’re box,” Blaine shrugs off as if it weren’t a big deal.

“No way, man!

“Well, my dad’s boss lets him have a season ticket every now and then.”

“I’m totally jealous,” Finn says. “Did you hear they’re bringing Meyer in as starting quarterback?”

Blaine is quick to reply. “Which is ridiculous, I know. Johnson has the better arm.”

“Yeah, but Meyer has better aim and…”

Kurt’s gone quiet, which always makes Finn a little uneasy. He’s stopped drawing on his pad to watch Finn and Blaine’s conversation carefully, a troubled look on his face. Finn isn’t the most observant person in the world, but he recognizes that look. It’s the same look Kurt used to give when Finn and Burt would talk about normal guy things together. Rachel’s voice echoes in his head -- reminding him of how left out Kurt usually feels, and how he should make an effort to make him feel included.

“So, what are you guys working on?” Finn asks as he pulls his chair up to the table, and sets his plate down, being careful enough not to set it on any of Kurt’s plans.

“Oh, Kurt’s a genius,” Blaine insists. A proud smile grows along Kurt’s lips. “He’s found a way to work in faux ostrich feathers into the centerpieces. Just take a look at these designs, they’re amazing.”

“Cool.” Finn says, trying to sound sincere.

If you had asked him for an honest answer, Finn wouldn’t have known the difference between what is sketched on the pad and anything else. But before he could even comment again, Kurt is off, talking a mile a minute as he excitedly gives details about the wedding. Finn nods along, trying to keep up. He takes a quick glance at Blaine, thinking that maybe Blaine would be as lost as he is, but Blaine’s busy staring at Kurt, watching him fondly and smiling as if he had stumbled upon something amazing.

How is he not Kurt’s boyfriend again?

Finn takes his sandwich and his soda and quickly slips out of the kitchen as Kurt and Blaine enter their own little world again. Finn might not be in tune with Kurt’s world but Blaine clearly is, and while Finn remains somewhat confused, he’s happy about that. At least he’ll have something positive to report back to Rachel.

#s.o. writes things #99 perspectives #i just feel like working on something

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alllwritenow · 3 years

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Boom, Boom, Boom of Your Heart

Chapter One

Chapter Two

“Bonnie!” Elena exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her best friend and squeezing as tight as she could. “I missed you so much.”

Bonnie squeezed her right back, resting her head against Elena’s shoulder. “I missed you too. I am never going on tour again.”

Elena laughed and pulled back, studying her friend’s tired, but glowing, face for a moment. “I don’t believe that for a second, Bonnie Bennett. You cannot deny the masses the wisdom of modern witchcraft’s brightest star. Your instagram would riot.”

Her best friend made a face. “Yeah, well, the money’s nice, but if one more Karen treats me like her personal Tituba, I’m going to riot. Giving them tarot readings on instagram is a lot less work than pretending I care about their ‘traumatized auras’ in person.”

Letting out a cackle, Elena hugged her again. “I love you. I’m so glad you’re home. Caroline is just too high-energy to help me keep perspective.”

“I thought you had Lexi for that,” Bonnie teased, shooting a wink at the blonde who was carefully guarding their reunion scene in the middle of the airport.

Elena flapped her hands dismissively. “She’s too chill. I don’t think she understands the concept of stress.”

Lexi chuckled. “Trust me, Elena, I understand stress. But I’m definitely glad you’re back, Bonnie; I’m less likely to catch this one pacing at three in the morning and yelling at her laptop.”

Elena grimaced. “Sometimes the story won’t cooperate with me and I have to make it see things my way.”

Her best friend giggled, and looped her left arm through Elena’s, picking up her bag with her other hand. “I feel the same way about the tarot deck, except there is nothing I can do to make it see things my way. I don’t tell the Karens that though.”

“And that’s why you are the darling of the mystical-obsessed masses who have no idea how actually awesome you are.”

“Speaking of obsessed people,” Lexi said dryly, interrupting their moment. “Can we please get you out of the middle of a crowded airport? You’re supposed to meet Elijah back at the house to go over security there and show him the footage of the nights the notes were left.”

“Elijah?” Bonnie asked curiously, looking up at Elena as they started to walk toward the exit. “Who’s that?”

Elena scrunched her nose up. “He’s the security expert Lexi recommended, the one that will hopefully hunt down that asshole and get rid of them once and for all.” He was also incredibly handsome, charming, and made her stomach flutter when he said her name. It was very inconvenient.

“Good,” Bonnie said sharply, squeezing Elena’s arm with her own. “I want to see the sick fuck burn in whatever hell exists for putting you through this.”

“Me too,” Elena murmured. “Me too.”

“If anyone can do it, Elijah can,” Lexi told her in a reassuring tone, though her eyes never stopped scanning the people around them. “He’s relentless and very good at his job. You’re in good hands.” She grinned. “I’m only worried you’ll replace me when he gets done.”

“Never,” Elena said with a renewed smile. “You’re family now and you’re stuck with us, high stress levels and all.”

Elena ran her hands through her hair, pulling it into a high ponytail she knew she’d end up taking down and redoing at least half a dozen times in the next hour. Now that she was actually doing something proactive about this damn stalker, she was restless and impatient and just wanted to get it done. She felt like she hadn’t had a life since that first note appeared on her doorstep, and she was tired of feeling suffocated in her own skin. No one had that right to take her sense of freedom and security away like this, to make her feel fear in her own home. She growled under her breath and then looked up in surprise when she heard an amused chuckle.

“Is this part of the creative process that Alexandra was telling me about?” Elijah Mikaelson asked her from where he loomed in her office doorway, his dark eyes glinting with amusement.

She chuckled ruefully and shook her head, already reaching up to fidget with her ponytail. “No, that’s part of the process I like to call ‘Imagining 1000 Ways for my Stalker to Die a Painful Death.’” She pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Maybe Jenna will publish it if I pitch it right.”

Elijah smiled at her, a crooked thing that lifted only one side of his mouth. “I’d read it.”

Struck with the sudden urge to ask if he’s read any of her books, she bit down on it, not sure if she actually wanted the answer, and waved a hand in a general encompassing of her home office. “You wanted to walk through the house?”

He nodded, smile fading into a professional mien that was no less attractive but helpful for calming the roiling stew of her emotions. “Yes, and review your security footage for the twenty-four hours before and after each incident.”

Elena grimaced. “I hope you don’t want my company for the full watch, but you’re welcome to review it here or take copies with you. I still have a guest room available and you can use my office if needed.”

Lexi stayed with her, and had a room although she only used it when Caroline was on duty. Bonnie had moved in with her when all this started, moral support and a transition phase between the end of her last lease and her inevitable move-in with Vincent. Well, Elena thought it was inevitable, the two of them, while adorably in love, were agonizingly slow when it came to official relationship milestones. Not that Elena was going to complain about living with her best friend for as long as she could keep her.

Elena didn’t like being alone. And not just because of her stalker. Even as a child she’d hated being the only one in a room, always seeking out her parents, or Jeremy after his birth. Her early years had been plagued by nightmares whenever she had to sleep alone at night, although therapy and time had helped. But then her parents had died in high school and it all flared back up again. She’d put off college until Jeremy graduated, and gone to the same university he chose. Moving to California had only been partly about her career and living closer to Aunt Jenna, and more about following Bonnie, since Jeremy had gently but firmly made it clear that she couldn’t be his big sister shadow for the rest of his life.

Getting her own house had been one of the bravest things she’d ever done, and she deeply resented the stalker for stealing all her progress and pushing her into a life controlled by fear.

Elijah shook his head, bringing her out of her funk. “I won’t impose on you for that long, copies will be fine.”

Elena nodded and then pushed her chair back, finally standing up. “Well, let’s get the tour started.”

It didn’t take long, her house was nice, but far smaller than the colonial home she’d grown up in. Technically only one story, and only four bedrooms because she’d converted the attic into her room. While her books sold well, it was her and Jeremy’s inheritance that enabled her to be a homeowner at twenty-seven, particularly in the expensive suburb she called home, and she hadn’t had the desire for extravagance.

Elijah was professional throughout, kindly taking no notice of the mess her bed was in after the nightmares that had ruined her sleep. He seemed to approve of her security precautions and promised to have an update soon after she left him in Lexi’s hands for the security footage transfer and so the two old friends could catch up.

Leaving them to it, Elena wandered toward Bonnie’s room, relieved to see her door ajar in symbolic welcome. She sprawled onto her best friend’s bed, watching as Bonnie carefully unpacked all of her witchy tools.

“So he’s hot,” Bonnie said casually, not even looking in Elena’s direction as she sorted through a bag of crystals.

Elena flushed, rolling over on her back to stare at the ceiling rather than letting her best friend see by her expression how much she agreed. “And still in the house, so hush.”

Bonnie chuckled, not changing her volume at all. “I’m sure he’s aware of his attractiveness. You should ask him out.”

Reaching for a pillow, Elena blindly tossed it in Bonnie’s direction. “I should let him do his job and you should tell me when Vincent is coming over for your reunion so I can make sure my noise-cancelling headphones are charged.”

There was no audible answer, instead the pillow thwacked against her face and Elena spluttered, grabbing it in a defensive stance as she sat up, only to almost collide with Bonnie’s grinning mien.

“Those are the words of a cornered woman, Elena Gilbert. You think he’s hot, you think he’s capable, and he is literally your knight in shining suit right now. And I’m pretty sure private security doesn’t have ‘don’t date your client’ clauses like bodyguards.” Bonnie arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “And while I know you’ve had cause, it’s been like, two years since you last got laid which is just tragic.”

Elena buried her face in the pillow and groaned. Okay, yes, it had been a while, and Elijah Mikaelson was the first person in a long time to make her libido and her interest take notice. But clause or not, she thought it was a spectacularly bad idea to ask someone out you’d just hired to catch a stalker. Especially for some casual sex after what amounted to only three conversations.

“If you stop talking right now,” she told Bonnie, lifting her head back up. “I promise to ask him out after this is all over.”

Bonnie grinned and offered her a pinkie. “Deal.”

#vampire diaries #elena gilbert #elejah #fanfic #my fanfic #boom boom boom of your heart #rebloggable #bonnie bennett #bonnie/vincent #bonnie bennett x vincent griffith #elijah mikaelson

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itsmeedayo · 4 years

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COVID-19 in Japan

2020.3.29

So it’s been a LONG time since I wrote anything in this blog. I’m talking about YEARS. During all that time, a lot of things has happened, but perhaps the one of the most prevalent issues right now is COVID-19, aka the Corona virus. Each country is dealing with it in different ways, but I’d like to talk about how Japan is handling this epidemic.

To be honest, Japan’s response has been rather... slow. Unlike places like the US and Europe, where people are under lock-down, Japan hasn’t officially imposed anything of the sort. Government officials have suggested 自粛 (“jishuku”), which means practicing “self-control”, whether it’s be going out to the city, traveling, or doing 花見 (“hanami”— cherry blossom viewing). Moreover, large events, like sports games, performances, and even graduation ceremonies, have been cancelled.

If you go to a downtown area, however, you’ll be surprised to see just how many people are still out and about. Downtown areas are less emptier than usual, but not deserted by any means. I was in Osaka the other day, and I was baffled by the amount of people I saw with suitcases. “What happened to ‘self-control’?” I asked myself as I weaved around a group of university students, their colorful suitcases rolling noisily next to them. How can people be traveling around at a time like this?

But as I transfer from train to train, I realize that I am also adding to the problem. As much as I would like to avoid being outside, I still have to go to work which, to be completely honest, has been very uneventful. Students across the country are not allowed to go to school; the teachers have to. Although there are some jobs were the employees are allowed to work at home, my job doesn’t offer that option. Why, I have no idea, but without students, what’s a teacher to do?

Making paper cranes to pass the time lol

My school at the moment. Looks like a scene from a horror movie.

Another thing that’s been slow is testing for coronavirus. In contrast to it’s neighbor, South Korea, where testing is widely available and is rigorously done, Japan just recently started testing more people. I found this really frustrating-- why have the test available but not test for it as much? Japan seemed reluctant at first, perhaps because of the upcoming Olympics (this is all speculation). But now that’s been cancelled, the number of reported cases in Japan have been increasing a lot in the last week (probably because they are finally testing more people), and so I feel that the panic is slowly sinking in.

Supermarkets are filled with more people buying food and amenities. Luckily, people are not in panic buying mode, but toilet paper and pads are almost always sold-out. There are signs near the toilet paper that say only one pack of toilet paper is allowed per family. Masks are especially difficult to come across, and if you’re lucky enough to find a store selling them, it’s limited to one package per customer.

“Toilet paper is limited to one per family. We kindly ask you for your cooperation.”

One thing that is commendable about Japanese culture is how cooperative the people are. In this group-minded society, people are mostly willing to put the needs of others before their own, so I haven't heard anyone complain about the limit on toilet paper and masks. I’m sure that if an official lock-down was announced, people would comply without question because it’s all for the benefit of the group. This is a mindset that I wish Western counterparts would adopt. I can’t help but roll my eyes and face palm at some of the comments I see on Twitter or online that are self-centered. Especially in an epidemic like this one, I think it’s important to put away the individualistic perspective, because no Karen, this is not about you right now. Some people are only considered about their selfies when they need to look at the bigger picture: We all need to work together to get through this.

So that’s my spiel about my experience in Japan. It could change though. This whole situation has taught me that there are only two things guaranteed: the past and the present. Who knows what’ll happen tomorrow, let alone a week from now.

These are dark times, but just like at the end of a cold winter, spring always comes (what a timely thing, as it is literally spring now). So I hope that you, dear reader, will stay healthy and hopeful.

#coronavirus #japan

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melissalfinch · 4 years

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Catching Pokemon Vs. Catching Covid-19

Applying lessons from the Pokémon franchise to the Coronavirus pandemic

Now that we finally have something we’ve always complained about being short on, which is time, some of us are conflicted about just what to do with it all. We’re growing bored of binge-watching, online-tutorials, the same routes we take to walk to the markets, and holding our phone during Facetime, and feeling discouraged each morning we check our unemployment benefit for it to still say zero after applying about 3 weeks ago. So here’s a simple and effective solution for you to abide the time with, feel productive, happy and even a little philosophical if you achieve a certain attitude. It’s time to play Pokémon Go.

Let’s talk about the simple and relatively obvious five benefits of playing Pokémon Go. First off, it gets you outside for some Vitamin D. Second, it raises your heart rate and improves circulation from the steps you take. Next, some of us might enjoy some window shopping without feeling pressured to go inside the shops because there’s no salesperson judging you from behind the counter. Fourth, you acquire unique, stylish and sanitized remote friends by catching Pokemon and connecting with other players around the world, with the exception of the Pokemon named Koffing of course. You might just want to walk the other direction if you see him on the map. It’s okay. That kind of discrimination is found acceptable these days. I’m sure he gets that all the time. And fifth, you get to concentrate on a fantastic animated screen in the game as a distraction from confusing news reports that probably sent our zombie-like fingers scrolling down like a bored classical music conductor this morning. It’s a good mental break that your mind requires for strength, similar to the benefits of meditation.

When the game was first launched it became another form of social distancing. People were just looking down at their phones, out in the streets wandering quietly, not making eye contact, feeling anxious about running out of balls, often loitering outside of businesses that were designated Poke stops, not spending any money. You get the idea. It’s not too different from the attitudes the majority of society have been infected with today. So does playing Pokemon Go in the streets/sidewalks break the social distancing orders? No and here’s why. Playing the game doesn’t actually require you to go very far and sometimes to go outside at all. Of course you should wear a mask if you feel inclined to take a walk, but you can also drive to the stops to collect goodies. No, you don’t have to play while you’re driving. Pull over, stop the car and open up the game. You thought you had me, didn’t you? The creators of the game, Niantic has actually made the game compatible with traveling less and playing more remotely by giving out more virtual gifts to attract Pokémon to you in the comfort of your own bed. In an effort to look good with the Coronavirus pandemic they have also cancelled many of their in person events and made them remote as well.

If I still haven’t sold you on playing Pokémon Go, don’t worry. There are a lot more in the Pokémon franchise you can occupy your time with. For instance, come up with a catchy villain motto like the one by Team Rocket to repeat when faced with the enemy or simply to abide by the 20 second timed hand-washing ritual, like the one recommended by PoGo Joel recommends in his YouTube video. https://youtu.be/SADIK0zxfig As a healthcare professional

Catching Pokemon Vs. Catching Covid-19

and Pokémon master, his girlfriend has become accustomed to his love for Jessie’s and James’ creed while he washes his hands. And let’s face it, the Team Rocket motto which is kind of lengthy, starts out with a good message.

Jessie: “To protect the world from devastation.” James:“To unite all people within our nation...” They go on to say some other crooked content like “To denounce the evils of truth and

love,” but like most villains in cartoons, they provide comic relief and sometimes viewers will actually feel sorry for them when their emotional baggage comes tumbling out. Or you could always exercise your rap skills by rapping 32 names of Pokémon which is done at the end of every episode in the premiere series. It’s easier to remember their names instead of trying to remember the names of the members of the Trump administration who Mr. President has fired in the last few months for challenging him. When battling Pokemon, it’s important not to be a sore loser. I bet Krabby would be the first Pokemon Trump would fire. As Pokémon villain Meowth advises “Don’t want the bad guys slipping in.”

Believe it or not there are some valuable lessons to be learned from Pikachu and his posse. For instance, here’s a great lesson about not hoarding: In the game Pokemon Go if you have duplicates of characters you’ve caught, you send them to the professor to get candy to help one of your other Pokémons evolve. Lesson here: Grow, evolve, share the toilet paper you hoarded last month. It’s okay. We all get impulsive. You thought it was a good idea at the time. Now you can make up for it by sharing. According to YouTube vlogger TrueGreen7, there’s even more profound wisdom to be gathered from the games, films, and cartoons series we can apply to this crisis. https://youtu.be/PE8NKsIEZa8 Such as realizing that good things come in small packages.What seems to be weak at first can grow strong with patience and TLC, just like raising the Pokémon Magikarp. He seems like a pathetic joke when first caught but you can eventually evolve him to the powerful Gyarados. Here are a few other bits of wisdom to chew on: Preserve games. Don’t use rare coins, and save your money. If you don’t know something, look it up. Pokémon design always has a purpose. Ignorance leads to hate. Playing games your own way is the most enjoyable. Don’t impose the way you play a game onto others. It’s just a game. Become familiar with etymology, the study of the origins of names. Learn about other countries’ cultures and language for a better understanding of worldwide concepts. Understand the importance of balance and danger of extremes. Don’t sacrifice ideals and ignore truths. In addition, it’s not always black and white. There are never only two sides to an argument. You can always compromise. Look at things from a different perspective. One Pokémon character by the name of Clay says “There’s always room for folks to grow and change, ain’t there?” Another character named Elesa remarks “It’s important to keep trying, to learn about the differences between yourself and others, to learn that being different is ok.” Then there’s Drayden who says that it’s ok to listen to the opinions of others and where they’re coming from, but once you stop listening to others and decide that your opinion is right, you cannot be forgiven.

Amusing yourself with light-hearted, charming entertainment such as the world of Pokémon and other uplifting fandoms in a time like this is certainly a positive use of your time. It’s good to escape for a little bit and turn off the news for a while. Try to take a few steps away and get a change of scenery even if it is a virtual one. Innocent and wondrous entertainment

Catching Pokemon Vs. Catching Covid-19

gives some of us endorphins and a good serotonin boost.This is just another way to get through it that helps me, gives me something to connect to with other people like my Pokémon Master friend up in Canada, who’s been playing for years. It’s a reason to get out of the confines of my studio apartment and it gets me to stop zoning out while eavesdropping on neighborhood chatter easily heard sometimes even when my windows are closed. So before you start walking to the market when you go outside, don’t be so afraid and hostile to others about catching Covid-19, think that you’re out to catch Pokémon instead. Because what you have hidden in your balls just might be the creature that’s going to combat this thing.

#coronavirus #pokémongo #pokémon #pokemon #pokemongo #gaming #anime #mobilegames #gamer #killingtime #blog #fandom #geekery #japaneseanimation #creativewriting #pandemic #covid-19

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southeastasianists · 5 years

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Shahiran Shahrani’s voice wavers as he describes the serene beauty of Borneo’s tropical rainforests, knowing that he’ll never see them up close again.

‘Despite everything, [Brunei] is a beautiful country,’ Shahiran says, reflecting on the journey he’s been on, culminating with him fleeing his home country of Brunei to seek refuge in Canada.

Speaking to Gay Star News over the phone in early April, Shahiran talked about life in his new home in Vancouver, a city where he says feels safe and secure.

The 40-year-old asylum seeker — who fled Brunei after being charged with sedition — had suddenly found himself in high demand.

Just days before his interview with GSN, it was reported that his home country was pushing through with its implementation of the Sharia Penal Code (SPC), a controversial piece of legislation that specifies brutal punishments for declared offenses such as male homosexual sex, apostasy, and adultery. Brunei, usually ignored by the international press, suddenly found itself at the center of the world’s attention. Shahiran, a gay Bruneian, received an influx of requests for interviews or to appear on news channels.

Freedom of expression is lacking in the country, and many LGBTI Bruneians do not speak openly about their experiences. Being outside of the country, Shahiran and a handful of other LGBTI Bruneians living in self-imposed exile formed the minority who were able to speak freely on the topic of homosexuality in Brunei.

The irony of an exile becoming a de facto spokesperson for the situation at home hasn’t been lost on him. ‘We’re the ones the world press are coming to to ask our opinions,’ he says. ‘So in effect, we’re the ones speaking for Brunei.’

Shahiran lending his voice to commentary on Brunei has not gone unnoticed in his home country, and, in many cases, has not been welcomed. Shahiran remains a divisive figure in Brunei, where many have accused him of using the media as an opportunity to lash out against Brunei’s government and society.

Aside from the predictable threats and curses commonplace on social media, a number of Bruneians have expressed concerns that relying on the voice of a gay Malay man with vested interest in portraying Brunei in a negative light not only loses nuance of a complex matter, but also privileges certain perspectives over other affected groups, such as women, who will also be affected by the harsh penalties of the SPC.

In turn, Shahiran’s response to the online backlash has been far from diplomatic. In an Instagram video, he goads people into more reactions, claiming that the more negativity he courts online, the better it will be for his asylum application in Canada.

It is safe to say that the distance between Shahiran and Brunei is an emotional one, as well as geographic.

‘Feelings of loneliness and isolation are commonplace’

While the implementation of the SPC has focused the world’s attention on the tiny Southeast Asian nation, the law is essentially the latest manifestation of the stigma and marginalization the Bruneian LGBTI community has experienced for decades.

A former colony, Brunei still retains a sodomy law introduced by the British. Although no one has been convicted under that law, its continued existence helps to legitimize prejudice and discrimination. With highly restricted options to organize and advocate for their rights, the LGBTI Bruneian community has been effectively forced underground.

‘Feelings of loneliness and isolation are commonplace [in Brunei],’ says Matthew Woolfe, founder of the LGBTI rights group The Brunei Project. ‘The lack of information and support services available to LGBTI Bruneians is something that The Brunei Project has been concerned about since its formation.’

‘These feelings can really damage their relationships with their friends and families,’ Woolfe adds. ‘In many instances, LGBTI Bruneians are not out to their families and friends or have only confided in a select few that they know they can trust. They may feel that there is no one they can turn to for advice or to share their feelings.’

This is the world Shahiran grew up in while trying to come to terms with his sexuality. ‘If I really think about it, I first realized I was gay at six-years-old,’ he says. ‘But I was always in denial.’

He says it was only when he went to study abroad that he had a breakthrough. ‘When I was sent to the UK at 17 I still wouldn’t come out to myself. So when I went to Northern Ireland, to Belfast, to [study] medicine, it took like a year or so before I said to myself “You know what? I like guys!”’

Shahiran moved back to Brunei in his late-20s and found work in the health sector. During his 10 years living in the country he had two serious relationships, neither of which lasted.

Unlike heterosexual relationships, same-sex couples in Brunei face high levels of prejudice and social stigma. This necessitated sneaking around and ‘looking over each other’s shoulders’, trying to hide his relationship from the prying eyes of family and neighbors. The pressure became too much for the Shahiran and his boyfriend, who eventually parted ways.

Shahiran’s next (long-distance) relationship with a man in Malaysia did not come with the same scrutiny, but the distance and prolonged periods apart began to take their toll. As a means to intensify their time together, Shahiran and his boyfriend began indulging in harmful behaviors such as drug abuse and chemsex. ‘It was to numb the pain,’ Shahiran says. ‘Because I was very much in love with him, and couldn’t see him much. And then whenever he was around I wanted to enhance that meeting because we would only see each other once a month.’

‘I think Shahiran’s experience is a pretty accurate reflection of the circumstances facing LGBTI in Brunei and their coping mechanisms for dealing with them,’ says Woolfe.

‘When society shuns you for who you love or because of how you identify as a person and your own government goes so far as to implement laws that effectively say that you deserve to be jailed, tortured or killed for those same reasons, how do you deal with that level of hate and how that makes you feel about yourself, especially when you are feeling so isolated and alone? It pushes people to take extreme measures.

‘I am aware of instances in which this desperation and feelings of loneliness and self-loathing have been major contributors in LGBTI Bruneians turning to illegal substances or attempting suicide.’

Over the years, Shahiran had also built up a small, close-knit group of friends, all of whom were gay. While none expressed their sexualities openly, they became a de-facto support network who could confide in one another, share feelings, and open up in ways they were unable to with to anyone outside of the group.

But everything would soon change.

‘I would’ve been in jail for more than ten years’

One weekend in mid-2017, Shahiran returned to Brunei after a chemsex-filled weekend in Kuala Lumpur. He logged onto Facebook and read news about Brunei’s health ministry announcing that they would be employing staff in all kitchens to ensure food was being prepared in a halal way. The move was rationalized as a way to boost recruitment and ensure food is prepared in accordance with Islamic standards.

Shahiran thought it was ridiculous. He posted a short rant about issues with the move, criticizing the ministry in the process. He then went to sleep; when he woke up, he found that the post had gone viral. It didn’t take long for the authorities to come after him.

Because he had complained about the ministry, state prosecutors claimed that he had posted ‘inflammatory comments’ about the government and their policy and charged him with sedition.

There was more: ‘I was charged with a further three charges under Sharia law,’ he says. ‘If I was found guilty for all of them, including sedition, I would’ve been in jail for more than ten years — over that Facebook post.’

It’s still a sensitive topic for Shahiran to discuss: ‘I never said anything against the Brunei government; I never said anything against the monarchy. I said something against a bloody department that I wasn’t happy about.’

Once slapped with charges, Shahiran’s world began to fall apart.

He says his group of friends steadily began to drop off. He says they ‘didn’t want anything to do’ with him, worrying that the authorities were following him and that they too would come under scrutiny. With the state determined to prosecute, Shahiran’s close friends and support network began to distance themselves from the beleaguered health worker.

‘When I was charged with sedition, all of them didn’t want anything to do with me […] They perceived that I was being followed — this guy, who’s being charged with sedition, obviously the security service is now going to follow him.’

He believes that the stakes were higher because they were a group of queer friends. ‘There’s less of a suspicion of each other among straight friends. They can’t betray each other, really — what is there to betray?

‘At the end, there were only two guys left. Even my best friend from the very very beginning disappeared. He was nowhere to be seen.’

Socially isolated, Shahiran fell into self-harming, usually with toenail clippers that left marks he could pass off as careless, accidental cuts. The stress of his trial meant he began lashing out at those closest to him — including the only friends he had left. He also occasionally began binging on methamphetamines to escape the solitude he found himself in.

‘It all went so fast. Because I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I just went in on myself,’ he says. ‘Losing friends… I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted to get drugs to forget about it. And when I didn’t have drugs, I was just an annoying person to be around.

‘When I was on meth, I couldn’t give a shit about anyone. Because those binges, they were few and far between, but they would last for a week. And I wouldn’t sleep the whole time.’

Eventually, the pressure and paranoia became too much. He fled Brunei by taking an illegal taxi across the border into Sarawak, a region of Borneo under the Federation of Malaysia. He then flew to Kuala Lumpur and holed up in a hotel room.

After a year and a half of non-stop anxiety mixed with self-destructive behavior, Shahiran thought of taking his own life. ‘It’s really hard to talk about,’ he says. ‘I did try to attempt suicide because I’d just had enough.’

He says that his life was saved by a local drug dealer he knew and a friend from Brunei who came to his aid. The two began looking at countries Shahiran could seek asylum in. ‘[They] both kind of nursed me back to health and put me on the first flight to Vancouver,’ he says. He claimed asylum upon arriving in Canada.

A new life outside of Brunei

Living as an asylum seeker in Canada is a tough life. ‘My living situation is much worse in Vancouver than it was in Brunei,’ Shahiran says. He is barely supporting himself, constantly moving from one accommodation to another, often relying on food banks, and sometimes having to go whole days without eating.

But Shahiran also says that he’s found a happiness and a sense of belonging in his new home which he never experienced in Brunei.

‘I don’t scream at night [in my sleep] like I used to. I don’t wake up in a sweat, scared… Here I don’t bite my fingers until they start bleeding. I’ve never felt the need to start hurting myself, or never felt the desire for everything to end. In Brunei it was almost every fucking day — I was like “I wish this shit would end; I wish I would end.”’

He spends his time volunteering and getting to know the place he now calls home. ‘Here it’s such a diverse community,’ he says. ‘There are so many things to do.’ But despite his online bravado and animosity towards the Bruneian authorities, there’s still a part of Shahiran that continues to yearn for his homeland.

‘There’s nothing more majestic than the natural beauty of the rainforest of Brunei,’ Shahiran says. ‘Because they’re ancient rainforests. They’re among the oldest rainforests in the world […] The beaches are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen in almost all of Asia.’

‘That connection to the land that I have, that I will miss the most,’ he continues, his voice wavering. ‘Because I’ll never see that land again.’

#Southeast Asia #Brunei Darussalam #Brunei #LGBTQIA Issues #Shahiran Shahrani #People

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betterthedevilyouknowuk · 5 years

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Never Let Your Activism Be Artless: An Interview With Lucien Greaves of The Satanic Temple

Haute Macabre interview June 28, 2017

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing The Satanic Temple‘s Lucien Greaves about art, activism, and what religion means as a framework rather than a faith. “Recently” isn’t quite right — these questions were written back in February, as you might notice by the news reference in one of them, but we hope you’ll forgive us the wait. I’ve been following TST’s work for a while and am wholeheartedly a supporter of their mission, but whether you know their tenets by heart or are just tuning in, you’re sure to find something of interest below.

So, just to get it out of the way, could you describe the difference between The Satanic Temple and The Church of Satan for any readers who may not know?

Well, first off, organizationally, there isn’t any similarity. That is to say, we have an organization, we have active chapters internationally, we have a physical headquarters, and we have active campaigns to advance our goals in the real world. The Church of Satan has none of these things.

One thing that I don’t think is clear to a lot of people is that all of the organized Satanic activity you’ve seen in the national and international press in the past years — from the Satanic monument, to the religious reproductive rights lawsuits, to the After School Satan Clubs — it’s all come from The Satanic Temple. The Church of Satan writes these humorous tirades in opposition to each of our activities, but they always get their facts wrong. For instance, they’ll claim that they would never seek to erect a monument on public grounds because, according to them, they support secularism.

In fact, we very often work with the Freedom From Religion Foundation, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State, American Atheists, the American Humanist Association, and other established defenders of secularism nationwide. Our monuments are made in defence of secularism, and we are very clear about that. We only seek to place our Baphomet monument on public grounds where there is a pre-existing 10 Commandments monument to ensure that the government remains neutral regarding religious expression in public forums. Government has no place in Religion, Religion has no place in Government. If a public forum allows privately donated religious monuments, the Government can’t pick and choose between religious viewpoints. That’s secularism. You can’t let the theocrats take over the Public Square and claim it as their own exclusively.

Of course there are those who complain that a true expression of secularism would be the absence of any religious monuments on public grounds. Well, yes, but when there’s already a 10 Commandments monument on public grounds, it doesn’t do much good to simply say you wish it weren’t there. There isn’t much point to organizing a membership structure and hierarchy when there are no activities associated with those roles. When we’re proposing our monument, the government then has to make a choice — will they accept a Satanic monument, or will they engage in religious discrimination and all but ensure that the 10 Commandments monument will come down as well?

Similarly, The Church of Satan objects to our After School Satan Clubs on the grounds that they feel proselytizing to children is abhorrent. If they learned about our after school program before commenting, they’d find that we, too, find proselytizing to children abhorrent. In fact, the very reason we started the After School Satan Clubs was to offer an alternative to coercive religious proselytizing inflicted on children through evangelical after-school clubs, and we only offer our club in schools where the evangelical presence already exists. Our curriculums don’t contain any items of religious opinion and focus entirely on critical thinking and reasoning skills. To say, then, that we shouldn’t call it the After School Satan Club misses the point. We’re The Satanic Temple, and we’re Satanists, and we’re not going to hide that fact. The schools have to understand, if they allow evangelical clubs, they can’t turn away the Satanists. For children to be aware that there are self-identified Satanists, and that they are friendly, approachable people — it has a counter-indoctrination effect.

So, the incessant criticisms we receive from the Church of Satan are either wildly misinformed, or completely dishonest.

Philosophically speaking, The Church of Satan is a fundamentalist LaVeyan organization, which makes a certain sense from a business perspective because they base their authenticity on the fact that they inherited Anton LaVey’s organization and claim his achievements as their own. They hold to a remarkably similar philosophy as you find espoused by radical Tea Party Christians on the theocratic Right: Ayn Rand-inspired Social Darwinist authoritarian-fetishizing libertarianism, but with a bit of occultic ritual magic thrown in. The Satanic Temple espouses a non-supernatural anti-authoritarian philosophy that views the metaphorical literary construct of Satan as a liberator from oppression of the mind and body. Our canon embodies the Romantic Satanism of Milton, Blake, Shelley, to, particularly, Anatole France, whose Revolt of the Angels is a primary text in TST. From its inception, modern Satanism, as it came to be defined in the Revolutionary era of Romantics, was very much a non-theistic movement aligned with Liberty, Equality and Rationalism. With that in mind, I think we’re rather closely aligned with early Modern Satanism, rather than some type of wildly aberrant, unique and unrecognizable contemporary off-shoot.

Since the religious construct of Satanism doesn’t believe in the supernatural, you say you “turn to literature and art as icons for deeply held beliefs.” Can you talk more about the importance of art and literature, especially during times of conflict?

This, I think, cuts to the very heart of what it means to be a non-theistic, non-supernaturalist religion. As I’ve described elsewhere, non-theistic Satanic religious affiliation has a cultural framework that is deeply significant and far from arbitrary— that is to say, we couldn’t simply re-label it for the sake of diplomacy, nor would doing so be true to our principles.

The narrative of the ultimate rebel against tyranny, the use of blasphemy as a tool for liberation against imposed, frivolous, sanctified superstitions; the cultivation of the individual will and rationalism unencumbered by “faith” or blind subjugation; the willingness to stand as an outsider with a sense of justice that is independent of laws and institutions; all are embodied by the literary Satan.

Those of us who were burdened from childhood by archaic tradition-based dogmas, especially in the era of the Satanic Panic, were instilled with an irrational aversion and fear toward the “other”, the Satanic. Breaking that barrier, defying such deeply-entrenched cultural programming, embracing the symbols, narrative, and outside status of the Adversary, can be a supremely liberating personal experience, not merely incidentally divorced from superstition, but emblematic of, and vital to, the break with superstition. Whether we interpret them literally or not, the mythological backdrop by which we each contextualize our existential grounding is profoundly important in our lives. I feel that theists are subjugated by their myths, while we are empowered by ours. The literary Satanists of the Revolutionary Era understood this, and their power to change the world by way of altering the cultural mythological structure was certainly not lost on them. One can read some artful exposition on this point in Shelley’s A Defense of Poetry. In explaining this, I can only hope to make some people understand that, despite common perceptions, Satanism is (or can be) deeply personally enriching, and isn’t merely an attention-seeking shock tactic directed at observers. When the cameras aren’t rolling, when the journalists have all left the spectacle, we are, in fact, Satanists still. I know this doesn’t quite exactly directly answer the question of how literature and art serve as icons for deeply held beliefs; But the power of metaphor, the vital necessity of narrative to cultivate and define one’s sense of self and purpose, the atavistic desire for art are all self-evident to me. I have a difficult time understanding the bizarre, yet apparently prevalent notion, that religious identity, practice, and ethics should be dependent upon intellectually crippling superstitions. I can’t grasp why it became the norm to believe that mentally-stunted fundamentalists have a more authentic claim to deeply-held beliefs.

Any advice you would give those who are operating at the intersection of art and activism?

Never separate art and activism. Never let your activism be artless, and never allow your art to be orthodox.

In a VICE interview a few years ago, you said, “LaVey is an excellent jumping-off point, but his work was a product of its time, and it’s appropriate to recontexualize it to today’s reality. LaVey was active during a time in which, for decades, the United States was on a dysfunctional spiral of increasing violence.” 2017 also seems to be a spiral of increasing violence; do you see TST adapting to that in any particular way?

I don’t agree that there is a spiral of increasing violence. In fact, violence is at historic lows. Since 2008, in the United States, violent crime has been lower than at any point in over 40 years. There was a rise in crime in 2015, but there’s no reason to believe it’s a trend, and there’s no reason to believe it harkens the end of an overall decline in violence. Broader historical overviews indicate an overall decrease in violence from the beginning of recorded history till now. So why are we being sold this bullshit apocalyptic narrative of increasing criminality and violence? I think the reasons should be clear to anybody paying attention to American politics. There needs to be an emergency in order to declare Emergency Powers. Fear-mongering inures the public to unilateral executive actions that defy the checks and balances of open deliberation. “Othering” strengthens tribal bonds as they unify themselves against a common enemy, and the creation of unease and general panic can be used by leaders to manipulate their followers who offer them the latitude to protect them by whatever means.

In the case of LaVey, he actually was living in a time in which violence in the United States was trending upward and was a cause for alarm. During the 1960s, crime steadily and dramatically rose till about 1995 when it began to plummet, eventually, to where we happily are now. LaVey seems to have looked at what was unique in the culture around him at the time to determine what may have precipitated the rise in crime, and to determine what might need to change to make things better. He looked critically at the Rights Revolution and he despised the Hippy culture. He imagined a stratified and tribally divided, non-democratic world. He advocated police state politics.

Turns out, he was wrong.

Secular democratic states are less likely to engage in war against each other and less likely to engage in terrorism or political violence than autocratic states. The rise in democratic states and the concurrent diminution in autocracies correlates to the global trend in reduced violence. Intermingling cultures — free to “appropriate” from each other — fare better than insular ethnic/religious/nationalist cults. And crime has, as stated, drastically plummeted in the United States without any massive reductions in Civil Liberties. In fact, the Rights Revolution has continued to move forward, slowly — but with great resistance, particularly from the Christian Right — and inexorably. I highly recommend a book by Steven Pinker, The Better Angels of Our Nature, which explores this topic in great detail.

Troublingly, I feel that the greatest threat to our social stability now comes from those who claim we must do something to stop the imagined increase in violence. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We already see an increased tribalistic zeal, and we see pre-emptive violence in the name of anti-fascism, which will then be used as justification for increased police action. That’s the real downward spiral.

However, an increase in crime now can’t change what we know. It won’t make a stratified, autocratic Social Darwinist system any more correct. That said, one might wonder why I feel LaVey could be described as an “excellent jumping-off point” at all, if he is so entirely incorrect on this important point? LaVey was a bold voice in opposition to faith-driven mindlessness. He was instrumental in establishing recognition of Modern Satanism, even if he did hang on to other forms of magical thinking. If he were alive today, I like to think that he would be able to see the evidence and adjust his thinking accordingly. Being able to live without delusion and adjust one’s thinking to incorporate the best empirical evidence is, I think, a great overriding principle of Satanism.

In certain areas, LaVey was quite progressive, and I’ve gotten to know some of his old friends (who don’t associate with the Church of Satan), and they’ve all said that they suspect he himself would very much appreciate what The Satanic Temple is now doing.

Is there a reason TST’s Baphomet doesn’t have breasts?

The short answer as to why our Baphomet monument has no breasts is because we fight to win in all of our battles. The Baphomet was originally offered as a private donation to Oklahoma’s State Capitol grounds where, in 2012, their government allowed for the placement of a 10 Commandments monument. The Oklahoma Legislature — led on this issue by a Southern Baptist Deacon State House representative — claimed that the 10 Commandments monument wasn’t, in fact, a religious monument, but a secular, historical monument paying tribute to the early foundations of Constitutional Law. In further attempting to build an argument that the 10 Commandments on Capitol Grounds didn’t constitute a government endorsement of religion, Oklahoma made clear that no public funds went into the construction of the monument, thus opening the Capitol Grounds as a First Amendment protected public forum for private donations. Clearly, they didn’t expect anybody to call their bluff. It was the end of 2013 when we sent off a letter to the State of Oklahoma expressing to them that we should like to offer a monument to be displayed on the Capitol Grounds and requesting the documentation required to move our monument request forward. Having obtained that, we then began to design a monument within the parameters of their “limited open forum” requirements. After sketching out various proposals, it became clear that Baphomet was the best, artistically and symbolically. Symbolically, the binary elements of Baphomet aligned perfectly with our effort to counterbalance the 10 Commandments. We meticulously contrived a legal argument for the inclusion of the Baphomet on the Oklahoma Capitol grounds that artfully paralleled the 10 Commandments’ Bill in every way. The Baphomet was to stand as an homage to the unjustly accused, the heretics and the scapegoats: those burned, hung, stoned, and tortured during witch-hunts and crowd panics. An homage to them, we explained, is an homage to the moral underpinnings of our secular Judiciary which works from a presumption of innocence, places the burden of proof upon the accuser, and refuses to recognize claims of divine authority or anti-blasphemy legislation. We constructed an ironclad argument. We knew, however, that exposed breasts would lead to an opportunity for Oklahoma to claim that our monument defied so-called decency standards, and they would be entirely relieved to evade the Establishment Clause issue in favor of a puritanical claim related to community standards. Initially, I worked with the artist to devise some type of covering for the breasts, but they all looked out-of-place and distracting. Artistically, the breastless bare chest looked best. We still occasionally hear from people who insist that they, as purists, would have included the breasts, decency complaints be damned. I just have to shrug and let them know that this is exactly why they’ll most likely never get anything done.

As a hybrid religion/activism group that embraces humor, TST bears some similarity to 60s activist group W.I.T.C.H., which has recently announced a modern reincarnation. I’m also reminded of Discordianism, which was my first introduction to the use of religion as a satirical framework as a teenager. Do you think humor is an integral part of activism?

I think humor is integral to being a well-adjusted human. There is a difference, however, between creating a satirical religion and using satire, as a religious organization, to advance a point.

Our identification as Satanists isn’t “satirical,” however, we’re not adverse to using humor and satire to highlight various hypocrisies and absurdities we run up against. This point is entirely lost on some people who seem to believe that everything is mutually exclusive, and one organization can’t be more than one thing at a time.

We’re often asked if we’re political, religious, an art movement, etc. Why would we have to choose between any one of those things? Why can we not be entirely sincere while also having a sense of humor? For that matter, why is it we seldom see the skepticism that is directed toward us directed toward the Evangelical Right? Is the Evangelical Right a sincere religious movement, or is it merely political? Is there anything in scripture that even distantly implies that a corporation like Hobby Lobby shalt not pay for insurance benefits that include contraceptive coverage? Is their belief that they should not pay those benefits more deeply-held than our belief in bodily autonomy merely because they claim to lack the intellectual nuance to not read their Bible as a literal historical text?

I would like to see that The Satanic Temple never loses its sense of humor, even as there persists this bizarre notion that humor and authenticity are irreconcilable.

According to Breitbart, you reached out to clarify that TST had nothing to do with the counter-Milo protests in California, citing your support of free speech. How do you reconcile having “freedom to offend” with the danger Milo causes to individuals by targeting specific trans or undocumented students at his speeches?

I’m not sure what danger he’s caused to anybody. I’ve never read his material. I’ve never listened to him speak. Even still, after having defended his right to speak, I still don’t give a shit about what he’s saying. I defend the principle of Free Speech, and when you defend a principle, you don’t only defend it selectively. If you can’t support it when it incidentally doesn’t benefit you, you’re not supporting it at all. You can’t claim that you believe in Free Speech, only insofar as you agree with what’s being said. If Milo has posed a legitimate danger to individuals through inciting violence in a very direct and tangible way, if he’s defamed people, or invaded their privacy — this seems like a matter for the civil courts, and the aggrieved parties should consult legal representation. If the “danger” is that he has hurt people’s feelings, then I should be quite clear that I am not sympathetic. For my part, I can’t wrap my head around the cognitive dissonance that has self-proclaimed defenders of Liberal Democracy calling for limitations on Free Speech in the name of “anti-fascism.” The irony is overwhelming. Of course, it seems, nobody quite wants to admit that they renounce Free Speech, so it’s quite popular to try and categorize anything one disagrees with as Hate Speech worthy of censorship. But offensive and even hateful speech is, and should remain, protected under the First Amendment. Threats and incitement are treated differently, and there could be legal claims related to those, if in fact that’s what Milo’s done.

Many are the times in which The Satanic Temple has been wrongly denigrated as engaging in “hate speech” by offended Christian groups who imagine that any and all of our activities are acts of persecution against them. They would argue that while we’re not make direct threats or inciting specific actions against them, our very identification as Satanists nonetheless threatens Christians and incites acrimony against them. Their feelings are hurt. They’re offended. We would support a broadened definition of Hate Speech or accept a less discriminating interpretation of what constitutes a threat or incitement at our own peril.

My impression of Milo is that he rode a wave of celebrity that was largely created by the ignorant little assholes who ran amok lighting fires, smashing property, and macing bystanders in the face wherever he was scheduled to speak. When you take a third-rate comedian who’s saying offensive things and demand his censorship, you suddenly give him the First Amendment high ground. You turn him into a defender of Civil Liberties. You make him a Free Speech martyr, and in the internet age his message is certainly no less accessible, you’ve only given him free publicity.

Incidentally, it appears that Milo’s career as a sweetheart of the alt-right is all but entirely finished, and it wasn’t destroyed because some screaming mob of mindless fascistic “anti-fascists” managed to impose a general censorship of his words, but because he was allowed to speak freely and express things that even his followers couldn’t support or defend.

Related, does TST have an official stance on punching Nazis?

Personally, I think it’s a bad idea to go out looking to punch anybody. I especially think it’s a bad idea to go out looking to punch thick-skulled miscreants who themselves are looking for a pretext for a fight. I also think Nazis are a bit too easy a target to place all of our post-election angst upon. I’m not particularly concerned that the Nazi Party is going to gain prominence in the United States any time in the near or projected future. Even our most oppressive elements on the right probably honestly believe themselves to be entirely unrelated to Nazis. The self-identified Nazis I know of are angry, uneducated, aggressive yokels who run no risk of organizing a national coup. I just don’t run into Nazis in my daily life or when I’m out socializing. I’m not sure where people are living that they can decide to whimsically travel out and go punch a Nazi at will. Rather, I think the anti-Nazi rhetoric is simply a safe and inoffensive exhibition of discontent. It’s something people can rant about and issue threats of violence toward without any real fear of actual confrontation. I think it would be far more poignant and meaningful if people were to confront Evangelical Nationalism and rail against the Theocratic Right. I get sick of hearing people say, “let’s call them what they really are: Nazis.” No. Why don’t you call them what they really are? They are the Theocratic Right. They are Evangelical Nationalists. They are taking over the public offices and overturning Liberal Democracy. When you call people who have no attachment to Nazi-ism Nazis, they don’t know you’re talking about them, and it’s not clear that you know who you’re talking about either.

You recently opened an international headquarters in Salem. Can you tell us about this?

Our organization has grown so rapidly in the past few years. It made sense to have a dedicated headquarters where we can keep our offices and centralize our operations. The lower floor is open to the public as an art gallery where we regularly have exhibitions. The current exhibition features the work of Vincent Castiglia, a remarkable artist who paints enormous and meticulously detailed works of art in his own blood. We have some amazing sculpture-work by Chris Andres, who also designed our veterans’ memorial in Minnesota. We also have a segment of the gallery dedicated to the Satanic Panic of the 1980s and 90s, and which still persists to a greater or lesser degree today. We also have a lecture room where we show films and host guest speakers.

The gallery is always going to be a work in progress and we’re adding to it all the time. By now, given my explanation of non-theistic religion and the importance and power of art, it shouldn’t seem strange in the least that our headquarters should double as an art gallery. In fact, nothing could be more natural to us. Art is integral to our religion.

People often ask how we’re received by the local community. There haven’t been any problems at all. We get along with the neighbors, the local officials haven’t given us any problems, and we really couldn’t have picked a better place to put our headquarters. When people recognize me on the street, it’s always been a positive and polite interaction. We’ve had many people visit from out-of-state just to visit our headquarters, and it hasn’t been uncommon for them to considering moving to Salem afterward. I have a feeling that Salem will become home to the largest population of self-identified Satanists in the world in the foreseeable future.

You support non-believers having access to religion as a framework. Can you elaborate on what that means? What is the difference between religion and faith?

“Faith” is belief without evidence. Theists ennoble faith as integral to religion: blind belief in intellectually insulting superstitions that offer the benefit of solace in “knowing” that we’ll go to a paradisiacal after-world, so long as we live a life of servitude toward an unseen master. Faced with disconfirming evidence, the theist often withdraws into arguments that attack a lack of moral clarity in science. The superstitious religionist feels that their ethics, community, and sense of cultural identity are founded upon old superstitions that they must strive to believe and struggle to uphold, despite the persistent injuries constantly dealt to those beliefs by critical scrutiny and empirical knowledge.

In the United States we afford certain protections to deeply-held beliefs to respect freedom of conscience. Thomas Jefferson, in his Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom stated, “all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of Religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge or affect their civil capacities.” Elaborating on this bill (which was important enough to him that it was named among three lifetime achievements upon his grave), Jefferson wrote in his memoirs that in this statute “protection of opinion was meant to be universal”, and the document included “within the mantle of its protection the Jew and the Gentile, the Christian and Mahometan, the Hindoo, and infidel of every denomination.”

Religious opinion was meant to be equally protected alongside faith. The non-believer’s right to express non-belief and not be besieged by a state-sanctioned religious viewpoint is equally protected alongside the right of the superstitious to assemble in houses of worship and implore the good will of a petty and jealous deity to take pity on their pathetic and groveling souls. This is the only tenable interpretation of what “religious liberty” can mean in a democratic pluralistic society. Religious Liberty doesn’t support a “right” to impose a religious viewpoint upon anybody else, or a “right” to limit another’s civic capacities. Religious Liberty gives every one of the us the opportunity to object to impositions of the state that run contrary to our deeply-held beliefs and challenge our freedom of conscience. Superstition does not produce superior ethics or identities, nor does faith provide beliefs that are more deeply-held than the personal moral foundations of any well-adjusted atheist. It would be deplorable to give superstition preferential treatment to rational thinking.

Of course, any time that equal protection for the religious opinion of non-believers is contextualized as part of a fight for Religious Liberty, there’s always some smug asshole, self-identifying as an atheist, who witlessly parrots the witticism, “atheism is a religion in the same way that bald is a haircut,” or, “…in the same way that off is a television station,” or any number of less-than-clever unoriginal variations. Nothing could be more helpful to the Fundamentalists than non-believers who insist that religion is dependent upon superstition, thus defining themselves outside of a protected class. I feel that atheist organizations, as organizations based upon a well-defined religious opinion, or opinion regarding religion, should have no hesitation in arguing for religious privilege and exemption including religious tax-exemption.

I think that the more people come to recognize the legitimacy of non-theistic religions — and there are already a significant population of atheist Jews, Buddhists, and others — the more we will see atheistic Christians making themselves known; individuals who still venerate the Christian myth and its customs, who identify with the Christian community, but simply can’t claim to believe ludicrous Biblical stories — at least not literally.

When superstitious delusion becomes isolated from the real-world benefits of religious affiliation, superstition becomes all the more impossible to maintain and defend. The sooner the atheist movement recognizes that their fight is with superstition, not religion, the sooner we’ll get there.

What are you working on right now? How can people get involved?

Recently, we were approved to place a veterans’ memorial monument in a park in Belle Plaine, Minnesota where a Christian veterans’ monument provoked controversy leading the local officials to open the public grounds as a limited open forum. We’re crowd-funding to offset the cost of that effort.

We have two lawsuits, State and Federal, currently active in Missouri, where we’re fighting against prohibitive abortion restrictions on the grounds that these restrictions violate our religious liberty.

We’re putting a volunteer manual together for our After School Satan Club, so that people who aren’t a part of a local TST chapter can nonetheless apply to present our After School Satan Club (ASSC) curriculum in schools where Evangelical indoctrination clubs are present. We’re going to release our volunteer manual at around the same time we file our first ASSC-related lawsuit.

We’re currently researching the prospect of opening our own religiously-protected abortion clinic.

I’m putting together a syllabus now for ordination coursework through The Satanic Temple, and it’s going to be rigorous and intensive, but it will ensure that our ministry are entirely capable of speaking on behalf of our beliefs.

We’re putting together an online platform so that we can video stream our activities at the headquarters to our membership and better connect with our international community.

In fact, we have a massive number of projects currently in the works that keeping track of it all has become the largest difficulty we face. Expect big things in the near future.

People who want to get involved can check to see if they have a local chapter near them, or reach out to us if there is sufficient local interest in starting one. Keep up with our current campaigns on our website and check up on our daily news on Facebook. Check out our merchandise on ShopSatan.com and keep in mind that your purchases help fund our campaigns.

Anything you want to add?

Please check out GreyFaction.org. Grey Faction is a sub-organization of The Satanic Temple dedicated to combating irrational conspiracy theory-based moral panics, modern witch-hunts, and the discredited therapeutic practices that still haunt us from beyond the formally recognized Satanic Panic era. We are keeping track of professionals in the mental health field that continue to use Recovered Memory Therapies to reveal and propagate delusional narratives of Satanic Ritual Abuse. We have issued petitions against therapists who openly endorse bizarre conspiracy theories related to imaginary Satanic cults to the mentally vulnerable. Our research revealed the connection between one such therapist and the murder of an 8-year old boy not many years ago. Our work with Grey Faction is supremely important, but has received relatively little press coverage.

#tst #the satanic temple #friends of the satanic temple uk #Lucien Greaves #satanism #satan #satanic #athiesm #activism #activist #secular #secularism #religion #interview #art

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meetcutemubarak-blog · 6 years

Audio

Episode 1 - Introduction

In this episode, you get to meet your host - who doesn’t trip over her tongue once! - and hear about how and why this podcast came to be.

Next week’s topic: Why Do You Want to Get Married Anyway? I am seeking stories and guests, particularly any sort of religiously involved chaplain or counselor who might want to share statistics and actual facts on young people and marriage. Is that you? Contact me!

There is now a call-in number for the podcast! Call 516-962-4886 with your thoughts, contributions and questions and you may end up in the next episode! Submissions may also be sent to the e-mail or through the Tumblr ask box.

Please keep reading for the full episode transcript.

Transcript:

Hi! As-salaamu alaikum! Welcome! Guys, I am actually doing this. Welcome to the inaugural episode of Meet Cute Mubarak, the podcast where we’re going to be talking about marriage, young Muslims and everything in between. I’m your host, Karuna Riazi.

Before I get any further, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about this podcast, what I’m going to cover on it, and why I started it to begin with - the mission statement, so to speak.

So. I’m a single, never married, no, that’s not an engagement ring on my finger Muslim girl. That wasn’t so much of a problem but now that I’ve graduated and hit my mid-twenties, it’s become a constant conversation starter with the aunties of my family. And my community.

If you’re not a person of color in general, you might not be familiar with the concept of aunties - and no, I’m not talking about your dad’s sister or your mom’s sister or anyone related to you by marriage who actually carries that title, though they might also fall under the umbrella of being an auntie. Aunties are pretty much any woman in your community who is older than you and deserves the respect you would give your mom or your actually related aunts.

It’s kind of like feeling that you shouldn’t just say their name straight out, because they are older than you. They’ve ‘seen more of the world’. So, they are an auntie.

In the past, I’ve confused a lot of people who may not be familiar with the word ‘auntie’ by saying, “Auntie told me this” or “Auntie told me that.” Because yes, I do have a lot of aunts who are actually related to me, but I also have aunties who are long-time family friends or good friends of my mom or the mom of one of my own friends. So I just wanted to clear that up right out of the gate.

And honestly, aunties are not bad. Most of the time, even though I seem to spend a lot of time complaining about them, I would actually fight you to protect them. It’s sort of like that, “You’re my family,” so I can say bad things about them but don’t you dare say it - sort of situation.

The aunties I’m talking about, though, in particular for this podcast are known within South Asian - Desi - communities as rishta aunties. Rishta aunties always have marriage on their minds, especially when they see you: an unsuspecting run of the mill single with no ring on your finger and no man or woman or partner or spouse in your life. They see that, immediately, as a problem, and they will tell you constantly how much they see it as a problem.

And I think that’s what makes us tend to dislike rishta aunties' presence, because they never want to clutch their pearls in the distance or in a corner somewhere, and, you know, kind of silently eye you and shame you from there - as to why you are so single and why are you so happy being so single. They have to come up in your face, make you realize how wrong you are and how you shouldn't be comfortable being single, and they will just continue harping on it.

It's like constantly being around Mrs. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice. Like, always having that fit of the vapors because her daughters are unmarried and she can't stand it. It's like that but from a ton of different people, some of whom are related to you and some that aren't but because they are part of your community and because they are an auntie, they have the right to tell you that you should not be comfortable being single.

Anyway, this is part of why I talk about marriage a lot recently - because of so many aunties reminding me that, also in Austen fashion, since I have a degree and a career as a published children's book author now (a.k.a. some degree of success in spite of my lack of interest in attending medical school, eccentric woman that I am) a good man should follow.

I also talk about it because now that I'm at THAT AGE, the topic actually really fascinates me. I mean - and this is on a personal note, but then again, guys, you should get used to a lot of personal notes because I'm all about sharing anecdotes and I don't think that's going to change at all on this podcast - I've always wanted to get married since I was sixteen. This will probably have some people pearl-clutching over just saying that alone, but at that time, I really thought I was ready for it.

Nowadays, though, when the idea of having a significant other is both appealing but not, if that makes any sense, I'm all like, "You were a total baby. Thank God your parents didn't go for that. Like, it's such a good thing you did not get married when you were sixteen years old!"

But I still want to unpack that desire. Why did I want to get married at that age? What were my expectations of marriage? How did those expectations change as I grew older? Why do I still want to get married now? What are my expectations or standards or beliefs about marriage as an institution, within Islam, as a Muslim girl? How do other young Muslims feel about the same topics? Do they have ways in which they differ, they disagree?

Do they have different points I've never considered?

When do they want to get married? Do they want to get married at all? Or, do they care about relationships in general as it is?

How do all of these beliefs and customs that we have mesh with our being millennials and focusing on our careers and being American Muslims in the 21st century? These are all questions I've been throwing around in my head while working on this podcast.

Another thing you're going to get used to pretty quickly: how much I overthink everything, and how many questions I can generate from a single thought in my mind within a matter of seconds. It comes from being an English major, I'm pretty sure.

So anyway, all these questions I had about marriage and dating felt like something timely and relevant, particularly because I was having conversations with friends who were having similar thoughts or concerns or worries. One of the things that raising myself on the Internet has taught me pretty quickly: you are never as alone as you feel. Rishta aunties are pretty good at making you feel like you are the only single person in the world but that's not true, at all.

I remember being called an old maid by one of my Qu'ran teachers at twenty, and that blows my mind. An old maid. Twenty years old. I was not even properly into college at that point.

You probably understand all my Jane Austen references now and how much to heart I take them.

But the thing is, I wasn't the only single in the world back then. I definitely wasn't the only single in my friend circle back then, as much as that Qu'ran teacher might have tried to make me feel otherwise, and I'm not the only one struggling through and figuring out this brave new world and all the apps and mixers and singles' nights and biodata.

[Sighs] Biodata. We're going to have a whole episode on that, guys, so get ready.

Anyway, if you're listening and you've felt alone and frustrated and all your friends are plastering pictures of their date nights or their engagement rings or their nikkahs (wedding ceremonies) and their walimahs (receptions) all over Facebook and Instagram, you are totally not alone. I am here for you. Let's sit here together and be happy and single.

For now, because I know my mom's going to be listening to this podcast, and I'm sure she doesn't want that to be the eternal state of affairs for me.

Anyway, that's the whole story behind this podcast. I felt that these were conversations that we needed to continue having and feel empowered by being able to have them. I feel like millennial Muslims in particular may have had conflicting messages on what we can discuss in the public eye, due to worries about how some of what we need to discuss could be taken and misconstrued in the media or the weight of supposedly representing every single Muslim around the world.

Let's set one thing straight: I've never felt it's fair to assume we need to represent every Muslim and their belief and their custom and their standards around the world, or the fact that we need to, you know, silence ourselves and not reclaim our narrative out of fears about how it's going to look if we talk this out that needs to be talked about. We need to be able to reclaim this narrative and, for our own sakes, we need to improve our community by being able to have these tough discussions that aren't easy to talk about or be honest about.

And by the way, since other friends have expressed interest, I am in no ways barring this podcast to discussions of marriage, dating and relationships in general cross-culturally. I do want this to be the podcast that anyone can feel they can settle down to with a cup of chai and a cake rusk, auntie style, and not feel like you're unwelcome or imposing on someone else's conversation.

I'm just telling you right now that this is from my perspective and I feel like it is going to prioritize a perspective that you don't always find, you know, podcasts or discussions about. Like, if you Google or look up on your podcast app right now, podcasts about Tinder or Go - like, I don't know any of the other names besides Tinder, I think OkCupid is another one, but you can find podcasts with people talking about their bad date experiences and you can't really find a podcast talking about the Muslim experience, the Muslim apps, the Muslim arrangements - what it's like to be married or dating and being a Muslim.

It's not going to be right all the time, this podcast. I'm prepared to have my mind blown. I'm prepared to admit I'm wrong. It's not very hard to do, by the way: blow my mind, because I'm constantly amazed at everything there is to learn in this world. But, what I'm saying is that it's definitely going to be heavy on the discussions of being young and Muslim and being able to have those discussions with others who are technically from the same background and also technically not at the same time.

Okay, so, that's how Meet Cute Mubarak came about, in a nutshell. Well, not a really small nutshell, because I feel like I've talked a lot now. But I'm really excited to be able to present this to you guys and I hope you're excited, too. I'm so grateful for all the anticipation I've seen online on social media, from friends already proposing topics and kind of being ready and willing to brainstorm stuff with me, which I so appreciate.

I've heard some pretty great topics and it's really encouraging me because I was worried I might have chosen a topic that was too specific and might run dry really quickly. It turns out everyone has a funny story or a horror story or a happily ever after story when it comes to talking about relationships. Who'd have thought?

Now, I've already said this, but even if there's technically one host for this podcast, I don't want to be the only voice talking. I want this to be one hundred percent inclusive and reflective of the diversity of our experiences, our cultures, our identities, our ethnic backgrounds. I want you to feel one hundred percent welcome to be part of this, especially if you have more than one intersection of marginalization within our already marginalized faith.

I want you to feel very comfortable about sharing your thoughts with me, whether that's sending me something to read on air on your behalf or coming on and having a conversation with me about whatever topic you feel you have something to share. I love personal stories, I love going, "Oh my gosh, that's totally happened to me, too."

So come and sit with me on the couch and spill the tea because I'm totally ready for it: the good stuff and the hard stuff. I'm telling you right now, if you don't already know me before, that I'm biracial and I come from an interfaith family background - there's my first little tongue slip of the episode, and there will probably be many more in the future. I come from an interfaith family background. I have family members who are Christian, and I have family members who are Muslim. There's going to be a lot of straight talk about racism and colorism, for instance.

We're going to get all this stuff hashed out. I know this will upset some aunties. I was told recently - and I'll probably get into depth on this in a later episode - that I should stop advertising the fact that I'm half-Black for the sake of my marriage prospects.

I know.

But you know what? I'm going to keep talking about it, so keep your pearls on hand to clutch.

You can be anonymous and you can share as little or as much as you like. I've had a pseudonym for most of my life online. I do not mind at all. Tell me what I need to call you. We'll totally be good. You do not need any prerequisites or any prior credits for this, either. I'll be just as happy sharing your coffee shop meet cute - and please, someone share your coffee shop meet cute because I need to know they can actually happen to people like me - if you've never been on a podcast before, just as much as I would be happy to share an NPR featured, previously published friend's story about their arranged marriage.

I'm going to say one more time: there are no prerequisites. I do not need to see credits. If you have a good story, I have the stage. Come up here and let's go. Bring yourself and your love of a good gossiping session and your heart and I will be totally happy to have you on this podcast.

So, I'm just going to go ahead and share the topics for the first three episodes now so you can get yourself geared up and ready. Our very first topic - are you ready? - is Why Do You Want to Get Married Anyway? As I said already, this is a topic I've thought about a lot recently and over the past few years, particularly as it is brought up as something I need to do right now or consider doing within the immediate future. Islamically, we're supposed to be considering marriage as completing a very fundamental part of our faith and I want to discuss that, too: your responses to that, how that makes you feel about it...but I want to hear your reasons for wanting to get married beyond the Islamic reasons. Is it for the sake of romantic expectations? Is it because of family pressure, parental pressure, auntie pressure?

Are you tired of having the bed to yourself?

Okay, so that's our first topic. Our second topic is pretty much the inverse of that first topic, because I feel we need to talk about that as well. That is also really important to discuss: Why Do You NOT Want To Get Married, and why is it equally important to have that option? What has the reception been culturally and community-wise to that decision?

And lastly, for now at least, our third episode is going to be on standards: what do you look for in a partner? What are your expectations when it comes to a relationship?

I have lots more up my sleeve but I thought it'd be good to stop there. I don't want it to be too overwhelming. But I want to let you know you can always e-mail me or reach out anywhere that you know to reach out to me on, if you'd like to hear any of the other topics and prepare yourself to be ready and share something. I also would love it if you come up with topics of your own or you think that you haven't heard anyone talk about or you haven't heard me mention it as a topic, and it's something you'd like to share your knowledge on. Please do reach out. I will totally love you for doing that. I will totally be happy to have a conversation on that and give you that space where either we can have that conversation together or I sit back and let you talk about it on your own terms.

I don't want to talk over anyone, especially on experiences I've never had myself.

We're also going to be having mini episodes. I'd love to be able to give people the opportunity to record and send in their success stories, or their failure stories, or their hilarious bad date stories. Whatever you'd really like to share and, you know, have a storytime for, I'm really excited for those as well. You can totally start sending in those stories now and I will provide information shortly on how to get those to me.

Two quick disclaimers that I planned to work in earlier: since my best friend's been joking about it a lot, I did not start this podcast with the intention of finding a husband through it. I'm actively looking but this is not a way I intended to look. I know aunties love to gossip about stuff like this - "She totally started that because she's just looking for a man herself!" - and to be honest, part of me is like, "Gosh, that would be an amazing story to be able to share on the podcast," but...no.

I'm here because, as you can probably tell by now, I like talking about stuff and hearing other people's thoughts on stuff, and that's pretty much all the reward for me.

On the same tangent, I'm not here to be sent biodata, whether that's biodata meant for my eyes or biodata meant to be distributed to potential listeners - God, I really hope people listen to this - or biodata in general, to critique it. Aunties and uncles and friends, I will not know what to do with it. I don't even know what to do with my biodata in general. This, as my dear cousin will tell you, is why I'm still single. She, on the other hand, is not. That is the power of biodata, apparently, or so I am told. We'll have to discuss that more on the actual episode about biodata and you can tell me whether or not that is true.

But at the same time: if you happen to be a guy or know a guy who loves Studio Ghibli, reading, coffee shops, video games, long walks on the beach, intersectional feminism and has a good sense of humor - that may be my only exception to the no biodata, no husband searching through this podcast rule. I'm kidding. Mostly.

Anyway, jokes aside, if you have something good to share with me or would like to be a guest, the e-mail is [email protected]. I kept it easy for you guys. Be sure to let me know what topic you would like to speak on, or if there's a topic you have in mind for either a future episode or a mini episode, and we'll go from there. There's also a Tumblr - meetcutemubarak.tumblr.com - and I've enabled the Ask box, so you can have the option of sending in an anonymous ask through there if you're not quite comfortable yet with me knowing your name. I will totally not take it personally.

I was also considering a Facebook group, even though I'm not a fan of Facebook, just for the sake of quick connections and seeing questions right away. If you'd like to see that, please get in touch. I'm looking forward to feedback. Please let me know what you think about everything I've discussed so far. Let me know if there's something you'd want to see happen. I'd like to know right away.

I appreciate any stories or suggestions you have to offer. I appreciate and love you, dear listener, for indulging me in this new venture and being excited for me and having faith in me to do this right and not trip on my tongue every few minutes. We've only had one incident this episode. Let's make it zero next time. I really think this is going to be fun, this is going to be good, and I'm happy you are here to share this experience with me.

Okay, that's it for our very first episode. I made it through to the end! Thank you again and please be sure to subscribe and stay tuned for future episodes. Meet Cute Mubarak is going to be released every other Friday for now - it's a little Jumuah Mubarak present and weekend treat for you - so just keep an eye on your calendars and I'll let you know if that changes in the future.

I'm also hoping to set up a Patreon in the future for this podcast because that would also be nice, to be able to offer rewards and have some encouragement that people are going to be listening to this. Anyway, Allah hafez (may God protect you on your way) and I'll see you on our next week. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a beautiful day and all the romantic thoughts you want to have, or don't want to have, and that the rishta aunties leave you alone in peace.

#meet cute mubarak #episode one #episode #transcript #introduction #marriage #dating #relationship #islam #muslim #millennials

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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speaking of how anger can be as necessary as any other feeling, can be an appropriate and healthy emotional response, and can be entirely positive, and yet some people will say that anger is always wrong / to be avoided

i shouldve bookmarked it because of course i forget where i found it or who posted it, but yesterday on twitter someone had started a thread talking about how they for years tried to suppress their own anger and avoid conflict whenever they could because they had it pushed on them so strongly from a religious (christian) angle that anger was just like straight up a sin. and then they were asking about other people’s experiences with considering a broad emotional area being off-limits or inexpressible because other ppl were telling them it wasn’t an option. / having an emotional reaction of theirs just being ignored or condemned because frustration or whatever is a sign of not being good enough in whatever way

anyways it reminded me abt the whole christian approach to never expressing anger in the whole misinterpreted “turn the other cheek” thing....its kind of wild the way really christian concepts and ideas can be embedded in these nonreligious aspects of society, and considered to be a “common sense” type of perspective rather than a christian-informed one, and often involves societal/historical factors that altered US christianity which turned around to contribute right back into social/historical spheres...

like, how some kind of puritan-adjacent Moral Living agenda thought up by some dude back in the day and obsessed with asceticism & lack of self-indulgent comforts & definitely-no-masturbation as part of a Health Initiative that was sort of like this US-wheat centric cult. and today we have the breakfast cereal aisle largely in thanks to this one guy and his take on religion

or how the concept of Hard Work has been taken on by industrialized capitalism (especially post-wwii and its never-since-dropped Moral Necessity of time-efficiency above all else) to justify poverty (they deserve it) and worker exploitation (they also deserve it or they’re just lazy and thus deserve even worse poverty) and racism (they deserve it! or should just Hard Work their way out of it!) and sexism (women are paid less because they dont do men’s Hard Work! stay at home moms dont do real Hard Work! working moms arent Working Hard enough if their family work cuts back on the time and attention and energy they can give their paid job) and classism (if you cant Work Hard enough to escape poverty then you deserve the poverty) and ableism (if you cant do the same Hard Work of any other abled person then why are you alive tbh :/) and racist & anti muslim anti immigration (uhhh they both Work Too Hard and keep white people from getting in their Hard Work and also don’t don’t Work Hard Enough & steal from white people’s Hard Work) and you see how it goes........everything

and this whole concept comes from the protestant values of early colonizers......they believed very much in the necessity of the religious value of labor and suffering and self-denial and sort of grim survival and all. harken back to the wheat-worshipping cold-baths don’t-spank-it Cereal Dude.

and then there’s how US christianity was deliberately altered to not only accommodate the idea of a morally acceptable institution of chattel slavery, but to also actually promote it as morally necessary. it censored bible readings of pro-abolitionist passages & censored anyone who would preach against slavery. i think the whole still-existent branch of “southern baptist” churches was created post-abolition as a white refusal to drop the pro-slavery religious stance? and then there’s the ways that white christianity still had to justify segregation to itself, and all the other forms and practices of racism, up to today, and which i should be aware of more concrete examples of how this manifested historically. but like it sure does like continue man

anyways tldr protestant values and perspectives are often conflated with universal/“common sense” ones or outright pushed as core/necessary “american” values, and that’s an important factor to take into consideration when thinking about like, anything, because it’s so far reaching in influence that it’s probably a part of anything you look far enough into. like, again, the cereal guy. no wheaties if not for puritans. would we have chex mix in a universe where the vvitch couldnt be made because what are pilgrims? you crucify one guy and suddenly cheerios are possible because of one weirdo two millenia down the line.

anyways. there’s a lot of factors stemming from christianity that can go beyond technical religious beliefs/practices. seeing as i just complained about how anyone imposing a requirement to completely suppress any feeling or expression of anger is at best, unhealthy, and at worst, unhealthy AND abusive, it seems relevant to take into account people invoking arguments (especially to kids or anyone else over whom they have authority) about anger being an actual Sin. jesus was getting p.o’d all the time, not only about that classic temple shit but also when people interrupted his nap or when he was denied snackage. and that “turn the other cheek” bit was about NOT letting people hit/exploit you. theres no argument for needing to not express anger in order to be properly christian. and the suppression of necessary, justified anger can be used to sustain and support a ton of fucked up and violent and unethical practices then and now so fuck that in all its forms tbh

#long post ✨#tbt to sunday school til 8th grade & having ppl eventually ask questions like hey if wrath as a sin means Don’t Be Angry then why was jesus #losing his holy shit over the merchants in the temple that one time #or hey why can’t women be priests? explain that catholics

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fredrichards91 · 4 years

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Last Ditch Effort To Save Marriage Unbelievable Diy Ideas

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How To Save My Relationship After I Cheated

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Letter To Boyfriend To Save Relationship

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#Last Ditch Effort To Save Marriage Unbelievable Diy Ideas #How To Save A Relationship When He Wants T

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murasaki-murasame · 6 years

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Thoughts on Land of the Lustrous v1 [Manga]

Once I’m done rewatching the anime, I’ll probably write up my thoughts on that, but for now I got v1 of the manga recently so I figured I may as well talk about it first. Since I’ve already seen the anime, I already know what happens in the first four or five volumes, but after that it’ll be new content that I’ll be reacting to for the first time. So with these first few volumes, I’ll mostly be talking about how the manga feels in comparison to the anime adaptation.

I was expecting this post to get much more spoiler-y than it actually did, so I guess even if you haven’t seen the anime, reading this post won’t really spoil anything [at least, nothing major past the first volume of the manga / first three episodes of the anime]. I guess I’ll just leave my more spoiler-y thoughts for when I write about the anime itself.

Anyway, just to give a really short and vague sales pitch of sorts for anyone who doesn’t want to read me rambling for ages about this volume in a way that doesn’t even touch much upon the actual story itself, if you like the idea of gem bodies and the body horror aspect of their fragility being used as a visual metaphor/allegory for topics of self-identity, personal value and worth, disabilities and physical limitations, and the nature of change and growth, then you’ll probably like this. And if you also like cute androgynous gem people and cool fight scenes against very Buddhist-looking moon people, you’ll probably like this, haha.

Anyway I’ll just put the rest of this under a read-more.

To start with, I guess I should say that the official English release definitely seems like the best way to experience this manga. I haven’t checked out the online scanlations, but I’ve heard bad things about them, both in that they eventually devolve into using Google Translate, and in that they apparently gender the characters in a way that goes against the author’s intentions.

Other people have talked about this topic in much more depth than I’d be able to, so I’ll just say that I appreciate that the official translation is based upon the author’s express intentions, and thus uses gender-neutral language and pronouns to refer to all of the characters in the story.

In terms of comparing the two versions of the story, my biggest take-away from reading this volume is that it’s actually a lot more similar to the anime than I expected. It simply has a more loose and sketchy art-style, and a more harshly black and white aesthetic than the anime. The difference in aesthetic is very striking, but I feel like both versions work very well, in their own distinct ways. The manga has a more harsh and almost alien atmosphere, with how sparse the landscapes are, how empty the skies are, and so on, while the anime feels almost like a Disney movie at times, with how rich and colourful and bright the background art and lighting are. So I can’t really say that one is any better than the other. I probably prefer the anime stylistically because it’s the version I experienced first, but it’s kind of pointless to pit them against each other.

Though in spite of the aesthetic differences, it’s interesting to note how often the cinematography and composition/direction in the anime is lifted more or less straight from how the manga panels are composed. It’s especially noticeable in moments like Diamond holding out their sword as a wave of Lunarians appear in the sky, or Cinnabar creating an enormous wave of mercury to fight against some Lunarians. As much as I’ve said about how the manga and the anime look different, it’s clear that the people who made the anime knew how to take the striking visuals from the manga and translate them effectively into animation.

It somewhat surprised me how much content from the manga made it into the anime. Some dialogue was slightly reworked [with the most notable shift being how Phos’ exposition about the moons in chapter one of the manga is moved to being narration from Kongou at the start of episode two of the anime], and a few conversations were trimmed down a bit in the anime, but that’s about it, from what I remember. I guess that the anime didn’t have the short bonus chapter about the gems playing cards, but it’s pretty typical for things like that to not be adapted in an anime.

One scene that stuck out to me in terms of dialogue/narration cut in the anime was when Cinnabar was falling to the ground after fighting the Lunarians. In the anime, they simply fall, look shocked, and then grab onto Phos’ notepad, but in the manga, they grab onto the cliff, lose their grip, and then wonder to themselves in they should just let themself fall to the ground. It’s an interesting look into Cinnabar’s more or less suicidal mind-set that didn’t make it into the anime. I also noticed that, at around the end of chapter two [aka the end of episode one], their line that was translated in the anime along the lines of ‘But I can’t trust them’ was translated in the manga as ‘But I can’t trust myself’, which I thought was interesting. I think both translations are accurate in their own ways, but they definitely come across differently.

As a small side note on the subject of translations, it’s kind of odd that the manga uses ‘Goshen’ rather than ‘Goshe’, like the anime does, for that character’s name. It’s a really minor thing, and I’m not complaining about it or anything, but if I ever talk about them I think I’ll just use ‘Goshe’ out of habit.

There’s also a few moments that are presented in a different way, visually, in the anime, but still portray the same thing. Most notably, the scene where Phos is put back together in the manga plays out as a sequence of panels showing Phos being remade in a way that looked almost like wax being dripped onto an invisible mannequin, and slowly melting into a human-looking shape, whereas in the anime, the same thing is portrayed as a more dynamic and fluid process. I’m not really good at explaining it, but the manga version made full use of it being a sequence of still images, whereas the anime version made full use of it being a dynamic piece of animation with fluid physics and moving camera perspectives.

Certain scenes are also fleshed out a bit more in the anime so that we get to see more of the characters moving about in their 3D space, instead of it being a sequence of still images and set-pieces like in the manga. The most major addition in this volume’s part of the story seems to be that Diamond’s scene of running across the island after talking to Cinnabar was original to the anime. In the manga, it cuts straight from them leaving Cinnabar to them arriving at the main building and running into Bort. It was slightly disappointing to not see that scene in the manga, but the story still works just fine without it, and probably worked best as an animated scene. Come to think of it, I think the scene where we first see Diamond when they run into Phos might also be anime-original. It was a minor enough scene that I don’t think I even noticed that it didn’t happen in the manga.

In terms of the art, I really do love the way that Ichikawa managed to depict the gems with her relatively limited colour palette. I still feel like it’s one of the areas where the anime is probably ‘objectively better’, since it’s much easier to depict things like that in full-colour CG rather than still black and white images, but it’s almost surprising how well she still manages to get across the effect in the manga. The colour pages look incredibly good, though, and obviously they do a better job of depicting the gems and how colourful and shiny they are. I’m a little sad that the double-page spread at the beginning of chapter six was in black and white, but I believe that the original colour version of it will be included in the art book of Ichikawa’s that I should be getting shortly.

Since I’ve somehow gotten this far without bringing up spoilers from later in the story, I should probably just leave my more spoiler-y thoughts for my big retrospective post on the anime later, so I won’t really talk much about the characters and story here, because it’s really hard to do so without talking about what happens later. I still do really love the story and the characters, it’s just kinda hard to talk about them at this stage without giving out spoilers. To put it vaguely, though, I love how this series explores themes of how we define ourselves, how we determine our own value, how we feel about the limitations our physical bodies impose upon us, how we try and change and adapt to overcome hardships, etc etc.

I guess I’ll just end this post here, since that’s basically all of the non-spoilery thoughts I can give.

#murasaki rambles #land of the lustrous #this series is so incredibly good and I'm so happy it's getting an official English release #it even has four volumes out in English so we're going to be getting into unadapted territory very soon!

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