#i genuinely only have a day left in this department and my manager here was set on ruining my week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onyourhyuck · 1 year

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Dive. | K.JW

— Prologue: “What I’ve always dreamed about, diving into you.”

— Summary: It’s not easy being rivals with Jungwoo in a competitive music industry workplace. You’re both striving to be the better one.

— Genre: Romance office setting. Office smut minors dni. Jungwoo is always hating on y/n here. Y/n is trying to be civil. There will be a lot of angst + y/n has little traumatic fear of being yelled at. There is little fluff and wholesomeness between them later on. Mutual masturbation over call? Y/n cries at one point in the fic. They hook up later on. Dom!jungwoo. Jungwoo’s actually very whipped for Y/n he just has a hard time showing it.

— Notes: Prompt idea from @yujuvly

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You’re rushing out of your car not even properly dressed your clothes being half on you and half off you. You couldn’t look in the mirror because you’re late to work and today was the day you get a partner to work on a project of your choice. You work for a music industry music company where a bunch of song writers produce lyrics to certain boy or girl groups, even solo musicians such as Eric Nam. You’re very talented because you have an unique imagination but what you lack was time management.

You couldn’t help it. Last night you couldn’t sleep and you went to bed late because of that now you’re rushing on your way to work. Your hair was done but covered by the wind outside messes it up and all your hard work on your hair went down the drain. You hold your high heels you wear to work in your hand, your blazer and trousers were properly zipped up. You fidget in the elevator picking the number ten.

Looking in the elevator mirror you fix the roughed up crinkle clothing on you, cussing gentle and breathing heavily out. You brush your hair with your fingers as it’s the only thing you can do to fix that hair problem — next you take off your trainer shoes and put on the heels.

When the elevator opens you get off and walk to the music song writing department which is you. Your ID card around your neck scans access opening the door department and you walking in caused so many people to go and stare at you.

Your boss mentally slaps himself seeing you walk in and you bow down to your boss hoping he will forgive you this once for your mistake.

But you had a feeling someone else wouldn’t forgive you.

“I’m sorry for being late boss.” You said out genuinely terrified but your boss seems reluctantly with you for once he weren’t screaming at you. He looks up giving you the meeting details in one singular file. “Forget it. Go to your new partner, you’re meant to come up with a song good enough for the biggest company in whole of South Korea.”

Your eyes widen. “SM Entertainment?”

“I know you’ve been my star employee for a few months but Jungwoo has more experience. He might help you out. Now leave my office get to work.” He nodded and you slowly turn around looking at the file as you left his office. You sit down at your desk and shockingly gasp out wanting to pull your hair. ‘Why am i paired up with Kim Fucking Jungwoo?’

The devil himself appears at your desk not impressed nor glad to be paired up with you. Jungwoo sat down next to your desk slamming down the files and staring at them but his mean disliking voice that did nothing to hide his disappointment with you speaks to you and your shimmering confidence.

“You were late. How are you still allowed to walk into this building without being under the impression that you’re probably the worst worker here?”

You turn around trying to be kind as possible but today it just wasn’t going with your mood. You weren’t feeling as kind as before and today wasn’t exactly your best day.

“You’re going to keep being like this just because our boss likes me better and prefers my song writing to yours.” Your fake smile could boil Jungwoo down a large cauldron and he wouldn’t even notice how your sarcasm was there.

Jungwoo is a young handsome man working in the same company as you. He is your work rival, work nemesis, work enemy. You name it anything against you and he’s exact definition of that. He had it out for you ever since you joined. Ever since the first day you arrived to this department he made it clear he disliked you and wanted nothing to do with you. You hate that you don’t dislike him though you just find him unbearable to deal with because he’s using all his energy to hate you everyday. You come to work and all you see was Jungwoo demanding you do this right or he disagrees how your work style is different from him and now I’m appearing to be the wrong one. He acts like he’s better than you.

He was handsome though and you couldn’t lie about that the first day you met him you deem him to be a cute man who looked kind, he had this sweet alluring aura about him on his face. He was quite pale but he looked smooth and innocent. His large doe like eyes were almost like puppy eyes constantly and you found yourself staring at them a lot. He was tall surprisingly very tall. He’s the tallest out of you and the rest of your coworkers.

But the moment his mouth opened it was quite the legit opposite of whatever cute was or handsome will ever be. The first thing he said to you was “I don’t like your outfit today. Please don’t wear this colour to the office again. You’re distracting everyone from their work.” You wanted to tell him that’s absurd. You wanted to tell him ‘Girl it’s legit navy blue how is it..’ but you didn’t. You stayed respectful! You stayed the kind one and the wiser one stepping down.

He glares not liking that you hit where it all was soft and mushy in his heart. Ever since you came to the company he wasn’t star employee and you got the attention unlike him. He was the best till you came and now he’s got a freaking rival to deal with. He’s constantly fighting to be no.1 but you’re in the picture all the fucking time. It’s starting to feel like you’re here to punish him. But instead you don’t understand why he’s like this to you.

You don’t even understand why he’s so mean to you all the freaking time, you just assume he is like that to everyone. You don’t care though he can do whatever he wants, you’re going to stay on top because you’ve worked hard to get here. Your hard working can’t go down the drainage like this.

“I don’t need to be like this because of that. I just don’t like you and your attitude towards the work is mild and lazy. You’re work to this company has done nothing. I don’t want you to be my partner because you will take all the damn credit.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at him when he said this. Seriously ‘Take all the damn credit?’ What does he take you for a Freud? A con artist? You couldn’t believe your ears but Jungwoo truthfully disliked you because he just did and you can’t help it but slam down your keyboard.

The loud slam in the office coming from your keyboard as you stood up from your chair. Jungwoo flinched suddenly wondering why the heck did you do that until you face him announcing loudly.

“I’m going to get coffee.” You stare blankly turning around tiredly of his bullish tone and his bullying words. Jungwoo glares murmuring. “What a psycho… geez does she need to vandalise the building.” He whispers as you left to make your own coffee in the staff room.

You don’t think you can survive being partnered up with Jungwoo. There are way more cons than pros to this but you hope and pray that the pros can out weight the cons and therefore it’s not going to give you a bad performance rate.

You need this promotion. You need it. You also know Jungwoo needs it. You won’t let him have it however so no matter what you’re going to try your hardest.

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It’s officially the time where you might reconsider leaving the department because Jungwoo being your working partner was the worst decision ever you might feel like this might start a whole new war between you both and you don’t need that on a pile of him being your nemesis, enemy and rival all in one. God he doesn’t need another factor to become your reasoning of death either.

It’s been two days since working together and when you say ‘working together’ you mean segueing an argument about every song you’ve wrote opposite wise. You both have different music tastes for SM entertainment you’d want to use and you can’t submit two you have to submit one that you both produce together. Together. Yes together and you’re not doing that exactly. You’re working separately because you both refused to.

“Look maybe you need to stop writing and let me do all the writing and all the producing and all the everything and you can just sit there and look like a dumb lost child.” Jungwoo snapped.

You sit there rubbing your hands through your hair unbelievable of the man in front snapping at you when you’re at your wits end with him. You can’t do this anymore and you just turn around with your child very slowly paring your dagger pushing eyes into him.

You try to be kind no matter what. You respect him. He isn’t respecting you. But you know very well you can’t snap at him because you don’t have the meanness in you to do something like that to him.

“Jungwoo that’s not working together.” You say back and Jungwoo looks away scoffing. “It is. Your name will be on my piece of work isn’t that enough for you?”

‘What a jerk.’ You thought.

“Is there anyway i can help i don’t want to sit back and do nothing. I’m also working here Jungwoo.” You look back at his song writing sheet grabbing it from his desk, the man turns around twisting to grab it back but you held it with your hands. “Here how about i make your ballad bridge better? That way some of my work is on there.” You said with a smile looking up.

His gaze didn’t change but his eyebrows twitch in annoyance grabbing the paper off your fingertips snatching it away and him turning around scowling, rudely pulling at your attempt towards his work. “You can’t do anything to help. You’re bad at song writing alright, just go home or something.” He urges.

“You’d do me so much more good if you left and stopped distracting me.” He says and you stand there feeling useless and completely beaten down by his horrible words to you.

Your gaze sadly looks over closing the computer and standing up grabbing your jacket and bag. You don’t say anything until you sigh looking at him.

“Suit yourself. Call me when you’re done.” You say blankly not fighting with Jungwoo anymore. You’re tired and it is what it is. You can’t work with him because he refuses, so might as well join em if you can’t change them.

You left the night hours where your attention goes on to the phone contact calling. ‘Honey’ and it was your boyfriend. Tonight it’s date night at his place usually it’s your apartment but tonight he was convinced by you to have it at his place.

You were suddenly feeling slightly happy to see your boyfriend of few months. It might be only four months but you’ve been enjoying your time with him and these days after work he was the only good thing coming out of a horrible day with Jungwoo.

You manage to drive to his place and you park it outside the lot getting out. You held your hands in the pockets until reaching the doorstep you lift the door matt and underneath was the spare key he would always tell you to pick up. But as you did you unlock the door and entering in to see a young woman and man giggling in a dark setting living room with candles lit up and rose petals on the flooring.

You crush your eyes at the ideas running to your head and you refused to believe it was for you the moment your hands push the living room door to see a man and young woman that wasn’t you snuggling to his chest.

You tilt your head entering. Your so called boyfriend saw you and he jumped up still in his boxers and half naked. He was shirtless and embarrassed on his face.

“Y/n! You… left work early.” He trails confused and how to fix this deal and situation. In other words he’s trying to lie to you and you could see it on his face. You were so dumb wondering why he would be so refusing to let you stay over at his place.

The woman looks back at the man and you. “Honey who’s this woman?” She looks back at you pointing your voice at him. “What are you doing here with my husband?”

You widen your eyes at him. ‘Oh I was the side chick.’ You let out wondering what the heck happened now. Zero from a hundred your pain felt worse now that you possible home wrecked a relationship you didn’t want. A marriage you had no idea about. God you feel so awful about yourself and feeling so bad that you believed this man wasn’t married.

“Your husband was cheating on you with me. I had no idea he was married.” You blankly trail looking around opening your phone screen with his contact name and his number. The woman was equally shocked and turns around to the man and you again.

“You mean you knew he was married?” She spat and you look at her widen eyes. “No I didn’t know he was married. I wouldn’t of dated him if he was.”

She scoffs. “Sure, every side chick uses that excuse.”

You clench your eyebrows together scowling. If she refused to believe you that’s up to her but you couldn’t help but feel defensive. You don’t want to be painted as someone who was fucking behind the scene with a married man, that’s the worst trait anyone could have on their profile. You’d hate that.

“Your husband is the problem here.”

He comes up to you pushing you out of the house. “No! You manipulated me! I don’t even know you. God Honey these woman keep on coming trying to separate us.” He urges you and you shout pushing him. “Don’t touch me you cheater.” You croak out walking yourself out of the house.

You spit on his door in disgust and shame. “Have some respect for women asshole none of them would want a man balding in his thirties.” You tell him walking away.

The man angrily runs to you grabbing your hair and slapping you but you held your ground and through watery tears look up. Your high heels step on his bare foot on the ground and he grabs falling backwards and holding them tight.

“Don’t touch me again.” You say feeling disgusted.

You couldn’t believe you were easily fooled by a married man and you found yourself feeling stupid. More stupid than before. God you were so wrong about many things and you’re always wrong you feel; at this point you feel like you’re never doing anything right. If your work department isn’t going well and your love life department isn’t either your whole life was going to collapse. Maybe it’s already collapsed but you’re now crumbling since it’s your turn.

You drive back to your apartment very late. You drove back to Seoul and you couldn’t help but break down the moment you enter your apartment closing the door. You take off your jacket throwing it loosely on the couch. Your heels slowly come off but you felt loose on motivation to do anything and all your heart could take was breathing, but even that felt like a chore to do. You had no one to turn to.

You sat on the couch drinking soju you kept on your fridge for special occasions — now they’re just used for sad occasions you have today.

You had your mother but you don’t want to burden her any longer than she could deal with. After all your mother has to be the least person to see you struggling you can’t let her know the truth behind your happy work and happy life façade. You can’t do that. You break down when you open your phone unable to take it anymore.

You didn’t want to be here standing anywhere. You wish you were somewhere else. Perhaps someone else. You wish you were Jungwoo who looks like he has it all in life. He has everything he could ever want you wish you were your damn rival; the one who hates you.

No he doesn’t hate you. He is the one who despises you; because if you were him you’d probably hate yourself too. You would also hate you if you were someone else and that’s what makes you completely unworthy of having that job. Jungwoo said it and you’re starting to believe him.

Your phone opens the contact of Kim Jungwoo. You felt so stupid but you wanted someone to tell at you and be there for you. However Jungwoo was the least person to provide you of that you called him anyways.

The moment he picks up the soft lingering voice was there asking who it was calling him. “Hello Kim Jungwoo speaking?” But the minute your voice heard his sweet voice you were on your way down sobbing midway.

“Jungwoo… how are you so fucking perfect all the time.” You trail as you take a large sip from the soju. Jungwoo’s eyes widen hearing you sound so different from the way you left the office.

Many things rang in his head. He thought at first what are you on about, but then he heard you crying and he stopped working. The way his brain shuts down all his purposes when hearing you cry on the other line of the phone and he was worried for once, he really was. You’re not the type to cry. You’re not the type to call him unless you really had to do he knew it was serious when he heard it’s you.

He trails in a broken sentence. He wasn’t sure what to say to you honestly but he was worried. “Are… Y/n what are you saying. What happened to you?”

“I’m agreeing with what you’re probably thinking.” You say putting the soju down. Slamming it on the table rather. “I’m useless. I’m so stupid for believing him. I cant even keep a relationship, nonetheless a freaking job.”

He looks around his bedroom late at night before you called he was working on the song Dive he was going to call it. He couldn’t help but think perhaps you were drinking and maybe you called the wrong number but no, the next minute you kept chanting his name in all sorts of cute noises. He couldn’t believe he was this much on your mind it made him think perhaps you were admiring him but at the same time hating him that you look up to your rival this much.

“Jungwoo… Jung…. Woo… why must you be so mean to me… what did i ever do to you? If i did something… tell me Kim… Jung… woo…”

You were getting more tipsy than you first thought you were getting and planning. Jungwoo smiles uncontrollably behind the phone hearing you speak and say his name. In reality he never once hated you, in fact he never once disliked you.

He found you someone that he was envious of but he never once said he hated or disliked you. He just disliked the way you were talented and he couldn’t bring himself to say it to you because of his horribleness behind the pride he has. Nonetheless he was looking up to you. You looked like you had your life together something which he has not. You were beautiful too, probably the most beautiful woman he’s ever encountered and he can’t lie anymore.

You were drunk and he could feel himself being the real him to you. The nicer version, the one that actually fell for you at first glance but he was scared so he put on a terrifying persona to keep you away.

The ironical distinction was that Jungwoo happens to have a muse which was you. You were the muse to all these sudden romance song writing he was doing in the spare time and they were all about you. In fact this song Dive was about you.

It’s why he was so persistent about keeping it and letting him do it because he wanted this song to be about you. He wanted this song to come and go from his imagination the way he imagined you. You’re someone he would dive in and take a taste of. All these imaginary scenarios he has of you, he can imagine you drip dropping if he was there with you. You’re someone he loves from the sideline.

Where you least expect it.

He slants back answering you cutely. “You didn’t do anything Y/n. I don’t hate you.”

You crawl off the couch getting up and slowly walking to the bedroom flopping on your bed. Your clothes shift off your body and you slightly moan out drunkly.

Jungwoo felt himself go red hearing you and he sat up. You let out a long straining huff out feeling your face become warm thanks to the alcohol flushing your cheeks bright red.

“why are you… so mean to me then…” you lay there on your bed undressing with Jungwoo on the other line hearing you change your clothes.

He gulps but turns away trying not to imagine all sorts of things this late. He didn’t want to perv on you. It was clear you weren’t well and you cried to him for comfort. He should at least do that to you.

“I’m jealous of you Y/n. It’s what jealous people do. They hate on you because you’re better than them.” He whispers and you lay there crawling under the covers, sniffing with your wet nose because of how much you bawled your eyes out.

“Why were you crying Y/n?” Jungwoo would ask you this time you felt yourself twist around murmuring in broken tones.

“I just found out my ex boyfriend was married… and I felt like an awful person not knowing he was.” You lay there staring at your ceiling with the phone close to your ears. You could hear Jungwoo’s soft tone become slightly more intense but he still kept this comforting warm hug around you almost even though he was not there physically in your apartment.His words felt like a warm diving hug from the virtual screen.

“You deserve better Y/n.” He lingers laying back. ‘You deserve to be with me at least…. I’m better than that asshole who broke your heart.’ It’s what he wanted to say but he couldn’t.

You close your eyes. “I don’t know… I feel frustrated. I was hoping our date night would end up well… I even dressed up nicely for him today…” you couldn’t feel anymore stupid realising the things you’ve done prepping that perhaps after the date you could sleep with him but no. He was married.

“You did look pretty today.” ‘You always do.’ Jungwoo thought clearing his tongue tight so he couldn’t let you hear his obvious thoughts.

You felt your cheeks go warm because of a rare compliment from your rival, Jungwoo, on the other line of the phone. You felt maybe it’s the alcohol playing you but you could feel that maybe it was not.

“You thought I was… pretty today?” You repeated.

There was a lingering pause from Jungwoo but he was soon getting the courage to agree with you. It was a cute and wholesome thing he said for a long time, maybe the first time, you can’t remember a time where Jungwoo was nice to you at work or outside of work.

“Mhm i did say that.” Jungwoo told quietly.

You couldn’t believe it but something made your heart race unexpectedly fast you thought you were getting sick inside but all you were was Jungwoo’s puppet falling for his romantic tactics. His sweet words possessed you like a doll and took away your mind from that lingering breaking up sadness. Somehow you aren’t drunk on alcohol you’re not drunk on Jungwoo’s praises.

You gulp stuttering out shyly. “How about we call on my laptop and do some… more work… i wanna see your work that you’ve done.”

Jungwoo looks at his laptop on the side next to where he sat opening his song he written and he hums looking at the time. He could spare a few hours with you if it meant he could listen to you blabbering more and more.

“Okay call me then, I can spare a bit more time for you.”

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As much as it pains you not being able to do much song writing you felt a sort of relative knowledge about how good Jungwoo was at making lyrics seem so real and romantic. Unlike you your lyrics have a different vibe and feeling to it making the lyrics mean something else that wasn’t romance. He went for a romance that was hidden from someone.

The lyrics were beautifully well written it felt like a secret admirer who wouldn’t want to be discovered. You wonder if he wrote this from a perspective of someone or if he wrote it from a perspective such as his own and if there was a person that makes him feel these feelings that the lyrics portray.

You hate to admit but you loved the song. You were glad you didn’t do anything to it. When Jungwoo saw your face becoming satisfied reading the lyrics analysing each one from the other you were exposed and Jungwoo wanted to let you know how he feels through his songs to you.

You hum. “I love the song. The lyrics are meaningful and melancholy almost. I never understood how you get the inspiration from. I could never write things like this.” You tell him looking at the camera through your laptop. Your cameras were on and you were sitting at the same position in your bed both in your pyjamas which made this somehow more comfortable and less formal.

You were speaking casually together and nothing rude came out of your mouths. You were just relaxing and discussing work, as if you were friends. Not rivals.

You discuss more songs you got end up having on the album because the company arranged a young boy group debuting from SM to be the group with that title track Dive song. However you suggested adding more and Jungwoo suggested afterwards that you should write something for another song they could perform to.

You were happy to be able to write a song finally to your liking and Jungwoo let’s you surprised you knowing he was very against you becoming a writer. But he was fine as long as you leave Dive as it is.

You work in silence for a while until it became very late. You both were on the verge of nearly sleeping midway working and suddenly you saw Jungwoo has fallen asleep on his bed softly facing the camera away and you couldn’t help but smile watching the soft boy sleep away. He must’ve been tired, you called him up to do more, he was probably meant to be sleeping a while ago but he stayed up for you.

Nonetheless you continue working until you found yourself getting sleepy again. You need to wake yourself up somehow but you couldn’t think of anything. Slapping your face together with your palms wasn’t doing the job.

And the suddenly a thought crossed your mind and your eyes widen at the idea that could easily go wrong if you aren’t careful. You hesitate moving your laptop up front and moving the camera away so you you were out of the view a little. You pull yourself apart and slowly start to touch yourself in ways you couldn’t imagine if you were on a call with someone from your work or anyone actually, but something in you was emerging you were somehow liking the idea of it.

Your fingers pleasure you a little and all you were letting out was swallowed breathes that became heavy or soft depending how far and soft you went with your fingers down at your aching pussy. You couldn’t believe you were doing this but the shame dies down and you engulf yourself with a little self pleasuring energy,

Until a voice broke you off.

“Y/n are you moaning?” The voice was rasped. Jungwoo couldn’t believe his ears but he woke up to heavenly sounds of you and his urges made him now unable to sleep.

He was rock hard from only hearing you and your shake came back twicefold because now you wanted to bury yourself alive and panic. However what Jungwoo said next made you solely believe that he was twice as loose screw as you were, he wanted you. He wanted to see you and he wanted to help you out with equal amounts of parts.

He darkly demands staring into the camera. “Move your camera down so i can see you, Y/n.”

You gulp and slowly found your body doing as he said moving the camera down revealing your lower pyjamas taken off as well as your panties letting you expose your beautiful body in sight resting on your bed there and your fingers apart from the view. He could drown on your beautiful body and face he could drown at your scent at work so without a doubt he would want to Dive in you.

He leans his head back suddenly stroking himself in the camera. One look of you being naked in the camera has made him feel so many sensations it’s been edging him everyday at work seeing you and now his dream is happening. Was this a dream? It certainly felt real but everything that has happened in his dreams is now happening right in his eyes.

You ache out. “Jungwoo…”

He looks down at you humming. “Yes? Do you want me to lead you on?”

You couldn’t help but nod at him. You knew what you were doing when he wasn’t looking and now you’re overwhelmed by his stare you forgot how to move. He smiles slightly seeing you look so confused and he motions to your hand through the screen.

“Grab one finger and push it inside you slowly. In and out.”

You do as you were told putting in one finger letting your single digit going in you very slowly becoming tight and tighter when you go pull it out and in. It left you letting out a small wet dripping sound through the video call Jungwoo couldn’t help but get drunk on it to hear you dripping and dropping endlessly.

None stop too, he stroke his cock watching you at the same speed as your fingers, very slow and gracefully. As if you were made of porcelain fragile glass you were treated like you’re easy to break. Jungwoo knew one touch from him would have you melting and he knew damn well you would have him go on his knees for you.

Heck, he was losing his mind to you all this time and you haven’t even realised it.

He’s obsessed with you. He needs to breathe you.

“How does it feel y/n?” He asked you deeply wanting to hear your voice, your moans weren’t enough. He needs to hear you talk until you can’t anymore.

You voice out when Jungwoo lets you add another digit to the single one. The two fingers stretch your whole out and Jungwoo was addicted seeing you so stretched he could just imagine how tight you feel round his entire shaft he was in need to have you right here physically. It was unbearable.

“It feels good…” you couldn’t help but think that his fingers would be so much better you wanted him to have you stretch out like you were made up of nothing but soft clouds and cotton candy. You wanted to wet his fingers and you wanted his mouth the most to be on yours.

Jungwoo was practically delusional on you straight up watching you pleasure yourself and become a moaning mess was not enough for him he had to meet and touch you. Speak to you and tell you all his feelings he’s been hiding from you all along. That he doesn’t hate you he was just envious and all along those romance songs were about you. He was coping with writing about you, and you weren’t aware.

“I wish it was my fingers deep inside your cunt, hitting your g spot so quickly…” oh how badly it was hurting him and you to imagine these things it really messes your perceived image of Jungwoo from before. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all, but he certainly has your body having a mind of its own. You fit your hips forward chanting.

“Jungwoo… Jungwoo please tell me to go faster… tell me what to do… what should i do for you?”

‘God you lost your sweet innocent mind.’ Jungwoo pleads for mercy because he hung forward watching you lose your own self and you were chanting all sorts of things for him to take. He grips his swollen rip pushing his thumb on it and gripping it tight the entire long length and he pauses watching you.

He won’t come without you. You have to at least come two times before he can come with you again he wants you to be the one pleasured and fucked out on the camera.

“Go fast and don’t stop. But you can’t come without my permission.”

He was mercifully taken off you and you couldn’t tell if you were punished or if you were pleasured, perhaps it was both. You wanted fast but you wanted to come more and now you won’t be able to last much, yet he’s asking you to not release without his own permission of your body. You strain yourself mentally ignoring the burning warning sign of your abdomen wanting the orgasm to happen.

Your fingers were fast on your clit watching the swollen redness become more and more apparent to your fingers rubbing it quicker. He enjoys watching you get yourself off, he enjoys hearing his name come out of your mouth, he enjoys watching your face squeezing tight when you were close but you couldn’t release yet; the way your messy hair was flowing on your shoulders but away your face. It’s your fingers digging in and out of you, but also overstimulating you. You knew what you were doing, but you wanted someone to lead you. It aroused him.

Your simple actions arouse him beyond anyone’s comprehension of this world. He was down bad for you and you were the thing he hates the most because of how much he wants you. How much he needs you makes him despise you and it’s a conflict war between the mind and the heart.

You hoarsely missed out on your voice nearly. “P-please can i? Can I come… please… Jungwoo… may i?” It was a pleading battle between you and your pride wanting to stay still and do as you were told but to see you begging was something Jungwoo never knew he needed to hear.

His cock twitched with every stroke he did to himself but your voice made him twitch out of control hearing you speak so lowly and quietly, in a hushed moan fucked out voice.

He darkly gazed at you. Without realising it he was diving in your mind like a floating ocean made him swim around with a forward stroke, each paint of his voice took over your mind making a hole in your brain, mind, heart and spirit. You felt yourself loose a part of yourself in the best way possible because he was tugging on your strings. He awoken something inside you just as much as you’ve awoken him.

Something ready to drip out, Jungwoo was measly diving in enjoying your worn out body sweating with beads upon beads of water your body producing a little smoke just like how hot you looked. You were feverishly staring at him, obediently waiting for an answer like the good girl you were. Jungwoo roughly looked at you and you enjoyed seeing his gaze that he was staring at you with.

You were spreading towards him wider enough to make his dull dry heart feel your midnight rain soaking it up. He was changing to you. He was falling for you, deeper and deeper. You didn’t know until you were seeing the way his eye crease half lidded with emotion behind those black eyes.

You’re the sweet rain coming to him like a wave he couldn’t control or tame down so he simple lets it overtake him, harder and harder watching you please yourself on his voice you could go hours on.

Precum drenching his cock thanks to your voice filling his brain to a brim of you and only you. It was a comfortable silence between you that you couldn’t put a finger on. You were in a longing quiet place between where no talk was happening but your breathes were like one. You breathe out heavily and so does he, your hands move in one motion and so did your beating hearts in your thumping chest.

Without hesitation he would dive into you. You knew that the moment you met eyes with him through the screen.

“What I’ve always dreamed about, diving into you.” He lets out sultry voice groaning out more and more than you could handle to hear.

His voice sections lingering. “Deeply, deeply into you.”

Your brain caught on a few seconds later he was saying his lyrics of the song Dive he wrote and you couldn’t help but smile out with your feverish face and your steady eyes hitching your stomach into your body. He growls out a few words such as ‘You can come, come with me’ and you felt rewarded like it was the most prized thing you’ve wanted all year and finally Christmas came and you finally got it. It felt exactly like that, a wonderful release you needed and begged for since a lifetime.

And then you release together. Jungwoo had the pleasuring experience of watching you get off like a freaking water park. You had the most thrilling orgasm out of you two his was quick and clean while yours was a dripping mess he always imagined it to be. Just like he wanted it to. It was perfect, you were perfect. The water coming out of you was nearly touching his screen but you put the laptop further to make sure it didn’t get hit. You gave him a show and he was happy, like a massive weight has been lifted off his shoulders now that you knew he didn’t hate you.

He liked you. He was hiding it was all behind that mean persona he always sought out to end you.

And just like storm ends after the the sea the calming ocean goes to sleep and goes into sleep land but none of you wanted to go yet. You both were watching your faces through the video call after you both cleaned up and no endless stream can compete to you and Jungwoo’s rain you both shed. It comforts your hearts to me in this mutual silence that you were both happy hearing. Your eyes spoke enough words for today and you only wanted Jungwoo by your side now.

You never once thought you’d want Jungwoo to sleep next to your bed, and wish he wasn’t in a computer. It makes you laugh thinking that aloud because you always thought you would never see eye to eye. You guys sorta do now.

Jungwoo pulls your head away and makes you look up to listen to him and wondering what he has to say to you, winds your heart like a marionette in a box.

“Together with you, I’m dreaming of this moment when i can dive into you again.”

You cheese at how sweet he could be asking in other terms, when can you both hook up for real. Jungwoo had a way with romanticising things and you found it fascinating. Kind of cute too.

“Anytime you want, you can Dive.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu!! Please reblog and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out <3.

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imwriting0verhere · 21 days

Text

Birthday Surprise

It’s 11:57pm on April 24th and my friends and family are gathered around me to ring in my 30th birthday at midnight. I don’t always need to have the biggest party or festivities, but you only turn 30 once, and honestly, roughly ten years ago I wasn’t even sure if I would make it till here.

“Thank you all so much for coming eeh, big 30 aye!” I laugh awkwardly, but most of my friends are drunk enough that they just cheer and clap along. “I ceenot wait for this year like. We’ve got some great things cooking! 30’s gonna be great!” I shout into the room, shortly being joined by Dean, Joe, Tom and Jimmy. We’ve all got our arms thrown around each other’s shoulders, beers in hand.

“Alreet alreet” Dean shouts over the party commotion “We’ve only got a few seconds left now. 5,4…”

“3,2,1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!” everybody in the room joins in and as the clock rings in my special day, Rachael emerges with a big cake that’s shaped like my face. Candles and sparklers atop and I happily accept it.

As is tradition, Dean smacks some cake into my face, we drink a shot together and I’m being pulled into hugs by everyone. My mam, my brother, my girlfriend…

And once the excitement has quieted down a bit and people start eating the cake and refilling their drinks, Y/N stands in front of me. The last person to congratulate me.

“Happy Birthday” she tells me with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes I notice. We share a quick hug but she looks as if she wants to disappear as soon as I let go of her. But talking to her seems to halt her in her spot and she looks up at me

“It’s really good to see yer” I tell her with a genuine smile. She’s one of my dearest friends and also the last person I was in love with. Unfortunately, we had to learn the hard way that moving from a friendship into a relationship doesn’t always end well. But luckily, we managed to save and salvage what we had before and are now able to be friends again.

“Yeah, you too” she replies softly. She’s been really quiet and reserved all evening. She’s barely gotten a word out, keeping mostly to herself even though we share the same group of friends and most of them are here tonight.

“I hope..” “I’m..” we both speak at the same time and I awkwardly rub the back of my neck “Sorry, you go ahead”

“Oh, ehm, I was just saying I’m gan find Rachael and try some of that cake” she says while she’s already turning away, not being able to leave my side fast enough it seems.

“Aye, I hope you’re doing well and we can hang out again soon” I just mumble the rest of my previous thought to myself.

Before I can let Y/N’s strange demeanor get to my head, I spot my brother and his long-time partner in conversation with my girlfriend. Or better, the girl I’ve been seeing for the past 3 months that’s not really my girlfriend because we’re not officially together, but we’re dating and having a good time together so I can’t just call her a fling either. And she was very adamant on being here tonight, so I’m glad she’s getting along with my family too.

About two hours later I see Y/N saying goodbye to Tom and Heidi as well as my mam, before she just waves at the boys and leaves them with a “Bye guys, see yous soon” to which they all smile and wave back, Joe shouting a departing “get home safe”.

She finally spots me and makes her way over

“Saving the best till last I see” I tease her, which elicits only a small tug at her lips. So I really can’t even make my friend smile anymore. With nothing at all apparently. Hm.

“You’re leaving already?” I ask because tonight felt as if she wasn’t even really here and as the night gets longer the crowd gets smaller and it usually only leaves my closest inner circle. Which she is part of and I would’ve loved to spend some more time with her, actually talk to her.

“Yeah sorry, I don’t feel that great staying here any longer” she gives me a look as if to tell me that something is bothering her, and I should know what that something is.

“Thanks for the invite, Sam” she says politely and pulls me into a quick hug that I return.

“Y/N wait!” I hold on to her arm but she instantly coils away and out of my reach

“Let go of me” she hisses quietly, so that nobody else but me can hear.

“Y/N no, what’s going on?” I follow her out into the foyer and out the front door. She’s finally stopping and swiftly turning around to look at me

“I just don’t want to look at this any longer alreet. Maybe I shouldn’t have come” she says the last part more to herself and I’m only getting more and more confused

“But, it’s my birthday” I breath, the first thing that comes to mind. We always spend our birthdays together

“What do yer mean, look at any longer? What’s going on Y/N/N?” I look at her questioningly. She’s looking at her feet, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as if she doesn’t know what to do next. She’s debating whether to tell me or not. But in the next instant she whips her head towards me, her decision made

“You, Sam. You and that girl!” she shouts, angrily pointing at me, she’s almost jabbing her finger into my chest, that’s how close we are standing. Her eyes are wild and brimming with tears.

“I can’t look at it any longer!” she lets go of the breath she was holding. Exhausted just from that simple statement. I look at her bewildered, not believing what I hear. She’s never mentioned having a problem with me seeing someone new. But I’m also just realizing, she hasn’t been around all that much the past few months. And definitely not when my date was around.

“I…didn’t…why have you never said anything?” I truly thought we were doing fine after our breakup last year. I don’t understand what’s happening, I just know that I can’t lose Y/N and I can’t believe I’ve missed the signs of her discomfort.

“What was I supposed to say Sam? We’re not together anymore. I don’t have any right to tell you what to do and who to date”

“But we’re friends. You know that you can always come to wor” I cautiously take a step closer to her, feeling the overwhelming need to comfort her.

“Sam..” she croaks out and my arms are instantly around her. But she stops me before I can pull her into an embrace. She’s holding onto my forearms. She’s so close, I can feel her ragged breath on the front of my shirt. But her eyes won’t meet mine

“I don’t know how to be around you anymore. I…I thought I was over you. I thought I was okay with our breakup, healed, and moved on.”

She finally lifts her head and my gaze instantly falls onto hers. And what I see breaks me. Red rimmed eyes, a few stray tears have already fallen, making her cheeks wet. She looks scared and broken, and I can’t believe that I didn’t know about this. About how she felt and what kind of emotional distress she must have gone through these last months.

“Y/N/N…I didn’t know” I croak. Embarrassment creeping in and I'm mentally kicking myself for being so oblivious again.

“I know. Because we never had that last talk” she sniffs and drops my arms in favor of pulling her thin coat tighter around herself. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, protecting herself from the cold, and protecting her heart from any more damage.

“We never sat down and talked about how our relationship, and the breakup really affected us. I just tried to be okay and be happy about the things I still have. And you started seeing someone else” she smiles at that, but it’s a bittersweet kind of smile. And I can see new tears gathering in her eyes.

“Sweetheart, you should’ve come n' talked to me aboot it. Nonetheless if I’m seeing someone new or not”

“I just couldn’t Sam. I couldn’t because every time I thought about talking to you and what I would say to you, I knew I would just end up in tears. And then I found out about you and her and…” she’s letting me cup her cheek this time, and I’m softly swiping her tears away before she continues

“I was so scared of today. Of what it would mean if she’s here tonight, and I see her.”

“Y/N A’m so sorry!” I tell her earnestly, searching her face because I need her to believe me. I never meant to hurt her this way.

“Tell me what I can do to make it better”

“Sam I...” she sniffs before looking back up at me “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I don’t think it’s good for me to be around you right now” and I can feel my insides crumble at that

“Y/N/N no, don’t say that” I beg her, tears shooting into my own eyes now and I can feel them softly rolling down my face.

“I still love you too much. And I can’t see you with another girl. I can’t heal like this Sam! When every time I look at you, a small part inside me still breaks.” She closes her eyes at that and I lean my cheek onto her head, pulling her a little bit closer because I know how final this moment is. Of course I will give her the time and space to heal, but this could just as well mean this is our last time together, and we might never come back from this. I press a final kiss onto her forehead before I speak again

“I can’t lose you”

“I’m so sorry” she whispers back and pulls further away from me “You’ll be okay” she takes my hand from her face and gently squeezes it one last time before she drops it and it falls at my side. I instantly miss her warmth, her soft touch.

“Happy Birthday Sam” she says with a voice full of sorrow and heartbreak. As she turns her back towards me and begins to make her short way home, the look of pain and longing in her face haunts me. And I’m sure it perfectly reflects mine.

#sam fender fanfic #sam fender x reader #sam fender imagines #sam fender fanfiction #sam fender #sam fender angst

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samoankpoper21 · 9 months

Text

Jealous Levi

A/N A courtesy clerk is basically an entry level position in a grocery store. There will be some terminology that may seem confusing but I will try to explain it within the scenario. It will also be going back and forth between yours and his POV^^ Thanks!

Word count: 2280

You were the light to his world. Literally. Your light shone around all those who came into contact with you; you were known as the happy virus. All the associates in the store could be having a shitty day and once they heard your loud booming voice throughout the small room, encompassing it, it almost felt as if there was a sigh of relief; the atmosphere and mood visibly lifting.

*Flashback*

"Hey Levi," the cashier with a buzz cut named Connie approached. "Erwin wants to see you in the office."

"Tsk." He was just about to begin his shift and wanted the last few seconds of peace before dealing with customers. He clocked in, made his way towards the back of the store through the double doors where the produce department was, and gave two short knocks. "Come in." Levi opened the door and Erwin, the annoyingly tall, blonde store manager beamed. "Levi! Just the person I was looking for."

"What do you want?"

"Glad to see that enthusiasm of yours never curbing."

"Just spit it out. I'm already clocked in."

"We have a new hire starting tomorrow."

"That's above my pay rate."

"I need you to train her."

"What's wrong with Hange? Connie? or even Jean?"

"Because Hange is Hange, Connie is a cashier, and Jean works in the produce department."

"What about Eren? He and Mikasa can train her. They're both courtesy clerks anyway." Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose, sighed, and answered with, "Levi, you know how it is with those two: they're a two for one deal. I can't have 3 courtesy clerks off the floor just because one of them is in training. You're the best trainer that I have and I'm not only saying that because you're my best friend I genuinely mean it. All the courtesy clerks that you've trained have become the core reason why this store runs smoothly."

"Armin?"

"You know I have to keep him up in the front as the customer service representative. Come on Levi. Are you done with the theatrics now?"

"Tsk." Levi crossed his arms and sighed in defeat. "Fine. But don't think our friendship has any weight on my decision." Erwin raised his arms in the air chuckling. "Alright, alright I won't. Thank you."

"Whatever."

The next day as Levi was restocking the shelves he heard Erwin's booming voice. "Ah! Here he is. Y/N this is your trainer Levi Ackerman. Levi, this Y/N. She will be shadowing you for about 3 weeks and then she should be good to fly solo. Is that reasonable Y/N?"

"Yes! I will try to pick up everything quickly sir! Just think of me as a sponge!" Levi could feel the urge to roll his eyes at your enthusiasm, the hairs on his neck and arms prickling at how optimistic you were. "That's good to hear. I'll leave you two to it." As Erwin was in passing he whispered to him, "Be good to her Levi."

Your POV

You both watched as Erwin walked out of sight. You turned to the short man who was no taller than you and extended your arm. "Hi! I'm Y/N! Nice to meet you!" Levi stared at your hand as if it was a foreign object to him. Just shake my hand you idiot. My arm is getting tired from holding this position. "Sorry I don't shake hands." his raspy, low voice caught you off guard but you quickly rebounded. "Oh ha ha." you awkwardly put your arm back down to your side. "Let's go." he ordered. The day went by in a blur as Levi explained how the store operated, your responsibilities. As a courtesy clerk you were basically serving the customers and cashiers: go backs were the items the customers no longer wanted and the cashiers left in the next check stand for you to put back in their designated area; collecting carts and baskets, performing sweeps every hour, and changing out the trashes. Levi strongly advised that you memorize where most of the items are stocked due to customers constantly asking whether you have x product and if so what aisle it would be in.

Your mom heard your key turn in the lock and peered around the corner from the kitchen. "Hey honey! How was your first day of work?"

"Uhhhh I don't even want to talk about it." Your mom turned the burner low and approached the dining table where you flopped yourself down. "What happened? That rough huh?" You pouted and began to vent to your mom about your day: how the customers showed no mercy when it came to the fact that you were new - they just wanted to know where the damn paprika was and go! "And to top it off I think my trainer doesn't like me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well for starters when I tried to shake his hand he looked at me like i was some cockroach and was like 'I don't shake hands'; and then when I tried to ask him for help he keeps looking annoyed and for some odd reason it made me sad. I don't want to be a burden you know?"

"Honey of course the first day's gonna be rough. Everyone is slowly transitioning into this new phase where they have to deal with this new person yet at the same time maintain the same level that they put in day in and day out. Cut yourself some slack but don't be a punk either. As for this Levi kid just do what you usually do: be yourself. Keep saying hi to him even if it seems like he's annoyed. Eventually he just might say hi back and he's probably going through something that you don't know about."

"Thanks mom. I needed to hear that."

"No problem. Now go wash your ass. I can smell your hard work reeking from here."

The next day you went in determined, not only to memorize as much of the store as you could, but to also try and make a dent in that man of steel. "Hi Levi!" you greeted. "Tch. Grab those go backs."

"Yes sir!" You followed Levi and began to do your job.

By the first month you had already memorized a majority of the store and have built a rapport with the cashiers Connie, Historia, Ymir; the produce department lead Jean who sometimes served as cashier when it got too busy, Marco, and Floch; the meat department consisting of Reiner, Bertholdt, and a quiet blonde who showed no interest through her facial expressions named Annie, and the floral department lead named Sasha. Mikasa and Eren, though kept to themselves, were polite to you as well. Armin, the customer service rep was no exception, his warmth extended and enveloped you since you met him. Forgetting your determination to break through to Levi you hadn't realized that you were slowly melting away his cold exterior. He began to exchange pleasantries and, much like everyone else in the store, found himself drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

Levi's POV

He doesn't know when it started but he found himself watching how you weaved in and out the aisles, smiling and leading a customer whenever they were looking for an item, casually talking with the guys as you were doing your sweeps, his gaze lingering longer than usual. He also took notice of how Jean showed particular interest in you: resting his hand on your forearm, leaning down to your level to "get something out of your hair", slinging his arm around your shoulder in the break room, etc. Levi could feel his jaw tightening whenever he saw Jean touch you. He also wanted to be near you and found himself wanting to help you whenever he thought you needed it. "It's alright Levi I got it thank you." you say to him every time.

He was helping a customer load her groceries into her car when he happened to see you switching out the trash. He saw you struggle with one of the trash bins. Your face scrunched up as you hoisted one leg on the bin, both hands struggling to pull the bag out. Before walking towards you he chuckled at your cute expression.

Your POV

Without realization Levi's firm hand encompassed yours and pulled the trash bag out the bin with ease. "Oh Levi," it took a minute for you to recover and process that Levi actually touched you. "It's ok I got it."

"Pft. You were practically struggling with it."

"But it's heavy."

"What's your point?"

"I-"

"Just let me help you Y/N."

With your guys' schedules coordinating it soon became a habit for Levi to walk you to your car. You loved these small instances of peace; within these instances you found out that Levi was an orphan when his mother passed away, that his crazy uncle took him in before losing him to the state where he filed for emancipation at 14, Erwin was one of his closest friends, and that he really, really loves black tea. He too found out small tidbits about you: how you were being raised by a single mother, you have 3 half siblings that are younger than you, how you absolutely adored Sasha, and that you didn't think much whenever Jean or any of the guys "flirted" with you.

Levi's feelings for you were growing and threatening to spill over. Erwin advised him to take his chance and confess because he has a notion that you too reciprocated the feelings. Levi had his mind set to tell you tonight when you both were off, not realizing you too were fighting the same battle. You had also settled on tonight to tell Levi that he was the first and last thing on your mind, that you wanted to know him on a more intimate level, that now he was the reason you loved coming to work. 5PM couldn't come fast enough. As soon as it hit 5PM, Levi rushed to the kiosk, swiped his card, and rushed into the break room expecting you to be at your locker gathering your things. When he didn't see you there he knew that you were making your rounds saying goodbye to everyone.

Your POV

You went to make your rounds of goodbyes looking for your best friend Sasha. She and you were so similar it was uncanny. Connie told you she was in the back making a bouquet for a customer. As you entered the double doors from the produce leading to the back, you felt a hand engulf your wrist. "Jean! What are you doing? Are you ok?"

"I need to talk to you."

"I was just about to head out after saying bye to Sasha. Can you give me like 5 seconds?"

"No, it has to be now."

"Oh um-"

"Y/N I like you."

"Oh I-" before you could answer, you noticed a figure swiftly rush away from the double doors. Levi. "I'm sorry Jean but I like Levi."

You rushed out the door calling out to Levi. Can he not hear me? I'm pretty damn loud. Is he ignoring me?!

Levi's POV

He felt a familiar hand clasp his shoulder. He looked to see you doubled over, panting. "Shit I need to do some cardio," you straightened up asking, "Didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Sorry but I have to go."

"Eh? You're not going to walk me to the car?" you pouted.

"Why don't you get your boyfriend Jean to do it since you like him." he spat out. He saw your lips trembling, your fists balled at your side. "I like you you idiot! I was going to confess to you today but Jean ruined it and now," your voice broke, you sighed and quickly looked away. "Never mind. Forget it. I'll see you tomorrow Levi. Have a good fucking night."

Your POV

You felt so embarrassed. Stupid even. You thought you read the signs clearly. Armin and Mikasa were practically encouraging you, confirming that Levi's gazes lingered longer when it came to you; that it was only you that he helped and showed his "soft" side to. You too were convinced that there was something there, maybe it was just an illusion. Before you reached your car you felt a hand gently, firmly grab your wrist. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Let's just forget what happened and move on." His hand gently squeezed your wrist. "I don't want to forget and move on. Y/N I too was going to tell you that I like you as well but when I saw you and Jean, and the way he was holding you, I just assumed that you had feelings for him and got jealous. I'm sorry." You turned to him and brought your hand to gently rest on his face. "I don't like him Levi. I made that clear. I like you. I wanted to tell you but the moment got ruined. "

"So what now?" You leaned forward and gave Levi a quick peck. When you pulled back it took everything in you not to laugh at his expression: his eyes were big as saucers, a blush creeping across his face. "Good night Levi. I'll text you later." Before you could open your car door, Levi spun you back around and whispered in a low tone, "That's not a proper goodbye to your boyfriend." You gasped when he grabbed both sides of your face and passionately kissed you. When he pulled back he was beaming while you were blushing furiously. "Goodbye Y/N I'll text you tonight."

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im-not-batman · 10 months

Text

Since Ao3 is down, I thought I'd post an old fic on here in the interest of keeping us all sane. Enjoy <3

Bloomed into Blue | Ronance | Rated G | 8,399 words

Nancy wanted to scream, tear out her hair, throw a tantrum and yell about how unfair it all was. Being in a professional work environment made that difficult though.

Instead, she smiled and clapped as she watched yet another of her colleagues collect on the rewards of her hard work. She sat in her seat for as long as she could stomach, and then broke away to hide in the bathroom until she felt like she could be in the office without feeling the urge to break something.

This marked the fifth time that one of her coworkers had gotten recognition for her research, her writing, or her investigating, and she was sick of it. After her stint at the paper in Hawkins, she had expected some disadvantages in her working life, but this was ridiculous. She had put more hours of work into that last story than anyone on the team, it had even become a running joke in the office that she spent more time here than at home! How could she have gone unrecognised again?

If only it was socially appropriate to send your boss into the hell dimension underneath your hometown, she thought fancifully. He certainly wouldn't underestimate her or her mettle ever again, but it would likely raise other issues.

So instead of doing what she wanted to do, what she felt like doing, she muscled it all down, dusted off her skirt, straightened her already perfectly laid blouse and looked at herself in the mirror.

"You deserve better," she told herself, firm and assured, "go out there and demand better."

She gritted her teeth, took a deep breath, and left the bathroom, beelining for her manager's office across the floor. She caught a few comments from the piggish men in their cubicles about how 'it must be that time of the month' or about 'how sensitive women are these days'. These were the sorts of comments that had become commonplace, really. Ordinarily, she'd have a quip or scathing remark to throw their way, but right now, she was on a mission.

Seeing that Jerry was free, she walked straight in without knocking. By way of greeting, she planted her hands firmly on her hips. Robin would call it a power pose and point out how odd it was that polite and demure Nancy Wheeler had grown into who she had.

"Miss Wheeler, what can I do for you?" Jerry started, but it wasn't a genuine question. He wasn't even paying the courtesy of looking at her and was instead polishing a tacky golf ornament that he kept on his desk.

"I want it on the record that I should have received a share in that raise," that was generous really, she should have received the entire raise. Frank had spent the last three weeks making unhelpful comments and sleeping through group meetings, instead of organising them like he should have been. Nancy decided, though, that if she made that observation known to her boss, she'd be on the entire company's shit-list.

"Wheeler, Frank was head writer on that project, it was his story, he got the raise," he already had the glazed-over look in his eye that she recognised all too well. She'd seen it enough times when she'd tried to engage her father in any kind of conversation that involved her passions.

"That's just it, sir, I did more work than anybody on this one. Ask around. I've worked more hours than anybody else in the department, I spent all my free time researching and I wrote almost the entire article–"

Jerry put up a condescending hand to stop her, "you chose to do those things, no one asked you to, darlin'." He said deliberately.

Nancy ground her teeth and lifted her chin – Lord knows she's put up with worse than a little misogyny. She poured all the false respect she had into her voice as she replied.

"All due respect, sir, but it never would have made it to print if it weren't for me."

"Fortunately, we'll never know," he said with a smugly patronising smile.

Nancy seethed. She opened her mouth to argue again, but he raised that damned hand again. This time he made a shooing motion. Like she was little better than a misbehaving child. Worse than that; like she was a creature he didn't care to even feign his respect for.

Without hesitation, and with all the surety she could muster, Nancy stood her ground and with a deep breath announced: "Jerry, I quit."

The moment the words were out of her mouth an overwhelming sense of relief washed over her. A heavy burden was lifted off of her shoulders and she felt like she could straighten her spine for the first time since she'd taken this god-forsaken job.

"Don't be stupid, Wheeler," Jerry warned, still with the tone of condescension, like it was his default when he spoke to her.

"Oh this is the smartest thing I could possibly do, right now, I deserve better than this." A smirk was fast-developing across her face, the apathy she had now that she wasn't worried about her job caused a little of her ruthlessness to slip through her crafted 'girl-next-door' veneer, "this paper will drown without me."

"Hah!" Her boss chortled, "you won't last a week out there in this business."

"I've faced down serial killers and won, Jerry. I'll be just fine."

Taking more than a little satisfaction in the astounded look on her ex-boss's face, she turned on her heel and walked out. Without slowing, she hooked her bag over her shoulder as she passed her desk and then walked out the front door. Not so much as a glance back before she stepped out into the crisp Chicago air.

Walking away from the building, Nancy felt like she could finally breathe properly. She'd spent her entire tenure there shaping herself into the boxes they wanted her in, squeezing herself into categories that made the men around her comfortable. When she thought about it, she'd done that her whole life.

She always made herself smaller to be more acceptable to those around her. People struggled to handle her competence and drive – it tended to make them feel inadequate – and so they found ways to limit her to make her more palatable. And when she'd gotten used to people reacting to her that way, to them wrestling down those parts of her personality, she'd started doing it preemptively.

Walking out of that no-name paper had been a wake up call. An opportunity to reset. Remove the mask.

She felt powerful.

So when she got home, jobless and pretty much penniless, she was smiling.

"What are you doing here so early?" Eddie asked from his spot on the sofa, guitar in hand, when she walked through the door.

"I just quit my job," Nancy replied. She was a little breathless, likely owed to the four flights of stairs up to their place, but it was also partly because she felt a bit giddy saying it outloud.

"Alright, Wheeler," he praised, setting down his prized guitar and holding up an appreciative fist for her to bump. She grinned and did so proudly. If she could count on anyone to be delighted about her joblessness, she could count on him. He'd been encouraging her to quit for almost as long as she'd worked there. Eddie wasn't one to suffer fools and so the very first time Nancy had come home seething about the blatant unfairness she was experiencing, that had been his immediate suggestion.

To begin with, she had found it infuriating. The fact that Eddie thought she could be content in giving up so easily and letting them win was insulting. She was too good for that; she was too smart, too stubborn.

Nancy refused to give in so easily. She was determined that once she proved herself useful, if she did what they asked, went above and beyond, they'd have to take her seriously. She thought she'd finally be given the lead on the important stories. She was a talented, hard-hitting, investigative journalist. She was wasted on boring puff pieces that only existed to fill in the gaps on the pages. She was naïve enough to think that her boss would see that in time. Clearly she had been wrong.

As she flopped down onto the sofa beside her best friend, she resented him a little. Things were so much easier for him – since they'd left Hawkins and the people who called him 'murderer' and 'Satanist' behind, at least. While he'd certainly understand some prejudices and unreasonable roadblocks in his day to day, his life would never be complicated by sexism. When he was good at things, that was taken at face value; he was allowed to be good at them. When he felt something, he didn't have to reign himself in or risk accusations of 'hysteria'. He didn't have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, and having that mistake reflect on every woman in the field.

She loved Eddie dearly, but he would never truly understand. So when he gave his advice, it was sometimes a bit too flippant, a bit too blasé.

But even when he couldn't help, he'd always be there with Nance to celebrate her wins. So she leaned against his side and smiled when he squeezed her tight and told her (not for the first time) that she was the baddest badass in the history of badassery.

"Alright, alright," Nancy grinned, pushing him away playfully. Eddie had a very physical way of showing his support and affection. Sometimes, it was a little stifling. She gave him a warm smile anyway, "Do you know what their shifts are today?" She asked, gesturing towards the ceiling. Robin and Steve lived in the flat above them, which conveniently concentrated all of Nancy's favourite people (bar a few) into one apartment block.

Eddie smirked and leaned back, picking up his guitar in one fluid motion, "Robin has today off if that's what you're asking," he said, playing a guitar riff that was vaguely familiar.

She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at him as she stood to head upstairs. She ignored it when he affectionately flipped the bird in her direction.

When she knocked on their door, it took a second for there to be a response. Nancy understood why when Robin came to the door dressed in coveralls that were more paint than fabric.

"Hey Robin-a-Roo, busy day?" She chuckled, a little sarcastically.

"You don't even know the half of it, Nance," Robin sighed with false weariness as she turned to walk back into the apartment with a broad grin. She left the door open for Nancy to follow her.

Nancy smiled with amused shock when she reached Robin's room.

Every surface was covered in sheets of tarp, save for one wall which was smattered with splats vibrant colour.

There were open cans of paint in every colour you could imagine lined up on the floor (also protected with plastic), and there were various paint brushes and tools strewn about. When she looked at Robin again though, she saw that clearly she had leaned in favour of using her bare hands for this endeavour.

"Voilà!" Robin announced, waving her arms dramatically at the wall. Her face was adorned with a broad and bright grin that reached her eyes. Nancy's chest flowered with warmth.

"Cool," she said with a smile of her own, "there's almost as much paint on the wall as there is on you."

"Oh, excuse me for getting excited at the prospect of flinging colours around," Robin rolled her eyes good-naturedly and turned to admire her messy work.

Nancy laughed again and looked at the set up Robin had going.

She grinned, "looks like fun."

Robin beamed and turned to face Nancy again, "it's a great stress reliever. Wanna join?" She wiggled her eyebrows in challenge.

"Oh I wouldn't want to ruin it," she replied, suddenly feeling sheepish and vulnerable.

Robin's voice dropped a little, and she smirked, teasing, "ruin my completely random, zero skill required, messy, impulsive, paint splashing?"

Nancy frowned, "Impulsive? Didn't you get the landlord's permission?" She asked.

"There wasn't time! I had to go to the hardware store to get the tarps and paint and then I was deciding which wall to do it on and covering everything else with plastic and tape!" She spoke while waving her arms around dramatically, clearly just trying to make Nancy laugh. It worked.

"Don't worry I'll paint over it when I move out," she promised and wiggled her fingers ominously as she asked, "so are you getting your hands dirty or what?"

This time it was Nancy who rolled her eyes, "Fine, but I don't really have any clothes I'd be okay with getting paint on."

"Just borrow mine," Robin offered without hesitation, already dipping a hand into a truly alarming shade of bright green and admiring the way it dripped from her long fingers.

She grinned at Robin's ease at offering up her clothes for her to essentially ruin. The trust that Nancy would know the right clothes to pick, the inherent intimacy of sharing clothes, shocked her a little.

An indescribable warmth spread through her chest as she rifled through the drawers. She grabbed a grubby old work shirt that she knew Robin only kept for messy projects like this, since it was embroidered with a company logo. And she recognised a pair of dungarees she'd seen Robin wear before – she had a habit of drawing on the knees and wiping dirt and dyes and all sorts all over them, so she assumed a little paint would be fine – and took them to the bathroom to change.

When she came back into Robin's room, Nancy lingered at the door. Robin had put on some music (apparently not minding her tape deck getting a little colourful) and was jumping around dancing to David Bowie. With her eyes closed, she didn't see Nancy return and so was unencumbered by embarrassment or shyness.

Robin smiled bright, she occasionally flicked out her arms towards the paint wall, leaving a splatter of neon green from the arc of her hands as she danced. It was pure joy. Nancy couldn't keep herself from joining.

As the chorus hit, she jumped into Robin's room, dancing like no one was watching and she started singing along. Well, shouting would be more accurate.

At first her friend looked caught. Like she didn't mean for anyone to see her goofing around dancing to one of her favourite songs, so Nancy made sure to act even goofier. Even out the playing field.

Robin's face then transformed into something akin to awe. Like she couldn't believe that Nancy was there. Finally, her expression turned into one of sheer happiness as she started dancing again and joining Nancy in her shout-singing of the chorus.

As the song faded out, they found themselves theatrically falling to the ground out of breath, the plastic rustled beneath them. Any of Nancy's lingering annoyance for the people at her old job had been drowned out by the utter joy that coursed through her now.

She sighed as she finally regained her wind, "I needed that," she smiled as she sat up to look at the wall again, "so what do you want me to do?"

Robin mumbled something as she sat up herself, but it was garbled by the sound of the effort she took. When Nancy turned to look at her, Robin looked confused. "What do you mean? Just do what you want, man. Go with your feels, let the music move you."

The last words were said in a floaty sing-song that made Nancy giggle, as she watched Robin rock back and forth, out of time to the new song that had started playing, "sometimes I forget your parents were hippies, and then you go and say something like that."

Robin chuckled as she got to her feet, offering Nancy a hand, "seriously, Nance, just do what feels right, there's not a pattern to follow or a quota to meet, just–" She bent over abruptly, dunking her hands in a paint can and threw her arms out at the wall again, "dip and fling."

Nancy's smile felt like it'd rip her face in half. "Dip and fling," she tried to say seriously and failed.

She did exactly that, though: dipped her hands into a lovely shade of bright sky blue, and swung her arms out, watching the paint drops flick from her fingers in an arc and hit the plaster with a satisfying splat. She threw her arms about in every direction she could think of until the paint on her hands ran out and then she stood back, admiring her handiwork. It was messy and dripping down towards the ground already. It was perfect. Nancy looked over to Robin for her approval but she was already looking right at her with a huge grin, bouncing in place.

"Atta girl, Nance," she said, quieter than Nancy had expected her to speak. There was a strain behind it, like she was holding back. Nancy didn't really know how to respond, so she flicked the tiniest bit of remaining paint at Robin's chest playfully and then bent to get the next colour to decorate the wall.

For the next few hours they remained there, in a bubble, goofing around, listening to music, making a mess. The world may as well have disappeared for all they knew. In their little room, with Robin's ratty old speakers blasting Blondie and Bowie and Bonnie Tyler, Nancy felt freer than she had in months.

Only when they started to get hungry did they realise how much time had passed and by then, Robin's bedroom wall looked positively psychedelic.

"Wow," Nancy chuckled when she stood back and took a proper look at the project. She hadn't really expected it to look as beautiful as it did, a little worried that the paints would congeal and dull into brown. Instead it made up a maelstrom of brightly coloured nonsense. Something like glee bubbled in the pit of her stomach.

"Right?!" Robin exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of her feet and wriggling her fingers in that cute way she did when something excited her. Nancy found herself hiding a private smile behind her curls before Robin could see her blush. Get a grip, Nancy.

They went off to clean themselves up in the bathroom, rinsing off what they could from their hands and arms. Robin hand shrugged off the top half of her coveralls and tied it around her waist. It was unbearably attractive. Nancy endeavoured not to stare by staring diligently at her own hands as she scrubbed them.

"So," Robin said, breaking the silence, "how are you now?" Robin asked and Nancy snapped her head back up in surprise at the question.

"What do you mean?" Nancy asked, acting as casual as she could manage.

Now Robin seemed to shrink a little, like she was embarrassed, "I mean – um – well, about the paper, I guess."

"Oh," she sighed, biting her lip, and Robin looked abruptly away. Nancy tried to lighten her tone "did Eddie somehow tell you when I wasn't looking?"

"No, no, he didn't," Robin assured her quickly, "I just assumed. Since you're here… in the middle of the day. And I know you've been really unhappy there and you've been thinking about talking to your boss which I can't imagine going well since he's, like, a rich, old, white man. Not that I think you'd have said anything to get fired! It's just that that is what men are like, you know?"

Nancy found herself laughing at her companion's rambling and put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from rambling herself in circles, "I know. But I feel great, Robin."

She seemed to release the tension from her shoulders then, and relaxed under Nancy's hand. Robin was smiling but wouldn't look her in the eye, a sort of bashfulness overtaking her. It was painfully cute.

All Nancy could think about at that moment was how effortlessly Robin had re-routed her day to include her and help her forget the terrible day she'd had up until then. How easily she had brightened her mood, lifted her out of her anger and upset, by knowing exactly what would cheer her up.

"Thank you," Nancy said, and without her brain's permission her throat knotted which doused the words in emotion. She felt her lip quiver and took a breath to contain herself.

Before she could process what was happening, Robin had engulfed her in a hug. Her arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, face buried somewhere near Nancy's collarbone. One hand brushed up and down her back while the other held her close, and both movements were immensely soothing. She felt safe, cared for. Tears began to fall.

"I'm sorry," Nancy apologised, looping an arm around Robin's waist while the other was trapped against her chest.

"You don't need to apologise."

"I'm just so angry, you know?" She gasped in a soggy breath, "I work so hard and do so much and it's never even noticed."

"I know," Robin whispered.

"It's not fair."

"It's not, you deserve better."

Nancy pulled away, not even enough to break their hold on each other, to look at Robin when she admitted, "That's what I said when I quit."

Robin's eyes lit up, "you quit?" She surged forwards again and held Nancy so tightly, her ribs complained.

"Nance, I'm so proud of you," she was whispering into Nancy's hair again but this time, it was cheerful.

Nancy's smile was watery but genuine when she tightened her arms around the person that always made her feel so much better.

She avoided visiting home as much as she could these days. She'd left Hawkins for a reason, so of course coming back was always slightly sour.

She'd outgrown this town years ago and being back was suffocating. There were a few moments of reprieve; when she got a moment alone with her mum and she gushed about how proud she was of all Nancy had accomplished, when she could get away to see Robin or the Byers-Hoppers (Steve and Eddie had stayed back in Chicago for the holidays, Wayne insisted he come up to them). Mostly though, it was horrible.

She only had to get through two more days. Two days and then she'll be free – she'll hightail it over to the Buckleys', grab Robin and haul ass straight back home.

Until then though, she had to sit through conversations with her family members. The questions she could handle, the small talk was mind-numbing but bearable, but when they started proffering their opinions on things? She hated it. Not so much from the more distant family members, random cousins and uncles that felt the need to put in their two cents – that much was expected and easily ignored. When it came from her dad though, the man she was supposed to look up to, the man whose thoughts had meant so much to her once upon a time (and still did if she was honest with herself), it was a much harsher blow.

She'd just finished recounting the story of how she'd left her job a few months ago and gotten a much better one for another paper. She had thought that her dad would be proud of her, would praise her for knowing her own value and succeeding because of it. Instead he'd hardly looked away from the television, and when he did, he regarded her with derision.

"What's the matter?" Nancy asked, her excited smile from recounting the tale beginning to drop.

"I don't understand why you bother working at all, Nancy. You ought to get married and settle down. You need to be tamed."

She felt like he'd slapped her across the face. He may as well have. She didn't think there was anything he could say that would have hurt worse than that. Ted turned towards the TV again without a second thought, probably already forgetting what he'd said to his daughter. Nancy felt the threat of tears prick her sinuses so she stood and made for her old bedroom before anyone could see her cry.

Despite her fury, she tried hard not to slam the door behind her, instead taking out her frustrations on the drawers. She gripped the wood until her knuckles turned white, her breathing turned erratic as she wrestled her instinct to shout and fight and make him understand.

She wished she was home again. Not for the first time that day, and likely not for the last.

She wanted to be back in Chicago with Eddie and Steve and Robin. The people who understood her, supported her, bolstered even her most outlandish ideas. She missed Eddie's look of awe at everything she did – it was disastrously nourishing to her ego, but she loved that he thought she was "the coolest cat since sliced bread". His words.

Nancy missed talking things through with Steve, she loved his level-headedness and balance. It usually meant that whatever scheme she had cooked up somehow ended up much more effective. He'd occasionally try and talk her down, but he knew her well by now. Knew her stubborn nature.

And she missed Robin. Just Robin. The way she'd always be there. Always cheering her on, always holding her hand when she needed it.

Right now she just wanted her friends.

Unfortunately, whatever higher power was up there felt differently and instead sent Mike.

He lightly knocked and then let himself into the room, seemingly completely unaware of how upset she was.

"Nancy, can you drive me to Will's later?" It was clear that he didn't expect any answer other than a happy 'yes'. He had barely stepped into the room and was already turning to go, knowing he'd not need to fight his case.

Nancy gritted her teeth against the instinct to snap at her brother. After all, he hadn't done anything wrong; she was angry at Ted, not at him.

"Sure," she answered through gritted teeth, giving him a false smile that would fool no one.

Mike looked to take it at face value for a moment, considering whether he should ask her or not. He wavered on the threshold and eventually decided. He looked at her again, this time actually paying attention.

"What's got you all bent out of shape?" He asked. It wasn't unkind, just sort of… thoughtless. It annoyed her all over again.

"Nothing," her voice came out tight and strained, "dad's just– god, he thinks I need to be 'tamed'!" She didn't mean to say it, it wasn't Mike's problem, she knew he wouldn't understand, but she felt like she was going to explode if she didn't let some of her rage free. Like letting steam out of an over-boiling pot.

Mike looked nonplussed and simply stood there as she recounted her father's words and ranted a little. She gestured wildly in her fury and paced the floor. When she was done, she looked to her brother, hoping for sympathy, maybe even understanding.

She was disappointed.

"I mean, he's not wrong. When you have a house and a family, you won't have time to work. That's what girls do, right?" Mike looked like that was the most sensible thing in the world. Like it was fair. Expected. Nancy wanted to throw him out of her window.

"No, Mike, we don't," she spat, "we tend to be living, breathing creatures with brains and ambitions of our own."

Mike looked shocked, he didn't expect her to react so bitterly. He must have noticed his error because he quickly added, "well, that's just what mom did, I guess you can do whatever you want though."

It should have been enough to placate her, really. Mike was young, a product of his sheltered, privileged upbringing. He didn't know better unless someone taught him better. But Nancy was so tired of teaching people things. Sometimes she wished they'd just know.

So she turned away, silently fuming. She gazed out the window, briefly fantasising about an escape plan.

"Can you still give me a ride?" Mike asked, voice small and cautious. This time unsure of what the answer would be.

She put effort into making her voice softer this time, "Yes, Mike, be ready in thirty."

"It can be later if you want, I don't mind," he didn't sound sure, he was clearly still tiptoeing.

"Don't be silly," Nancy rolled her eyes with a sigh, "you'd rather be at Will's than listening to Aunt Carol sing White Christmas badly."

That managed to share a smile between them, tension dropped as they complained together about their very annoying relatives.

When her brother left to pack his overnight bag, Nancy was left to her own devices. A dangerous thing for a woman of her brains, capability and desperation to escape.

In the end she didn't need a grand plan. She was an adult. With her own home and her own car. She could just leave. So she gathered together her things haphazardly and while no one was looking, snuck outside to sling her bags into the back seat.

As she looked back at the house, hoping that Mike would be ready to go, she caught sight of her mum gliding across the window with Holly on her hip. Suddenly she couldn't allow herself to just leave without saying goodbye to them.

Ducking back inside, she managed to dodge beckons for her attention by pretending to need something in the kitchen, but she knew that would hardly work for long. So when she found her rearranging a couple of decorations absently, Holly had since gone off to do her own thing, she grabbed her mum by her wrists and dragged her along.

"Nancy, sweetie," Karen chuckled, trusting her daughter and going along without a fuss. Safely tucked away, she turned to her but clearly hadn't schooled her features well enough.

"You look… thunderous, Nance, are you okay?" She swept a hand down the side of Nancy's face, taming a stray curl and then moving to hold her chin gently.

"I can't be here after what dad said. I can't." Nancy admitted, "I'm leaving, but I needed to say goodbye."

Her mum's face softened in sympathy and she pulled her into a comforting, motherly hug, "it's okay, I understand."

There was no heat in her mother's voice. No strain of upset, no anger, no disappointment. Just love and compassion.

It made sense, really; if anyone was going to understand how it felt to be on the receiving end of her father's soul-crushing remarks and almost neglectful disinterest, it'd be Karen Wheeler.

Nancy squeezed her a little tighter.

"Okay, Wonder Woman," Karen huffed out a small laugh, "best get going before the crowd thins and they notice you leaving, eh?"

Nancy nodded with a sad smile, "thank you," she said. The words were small and broken, her heart broke a little bit too.

Her mother rubbed her back soothingly, "can I see you again before you head home? Or are you leaving tonight?"

"I'm just going to Robin's for now," she assured her. She pulled out of the hug but kept their hands gripped together, "I'll come see you before we go home."

"No no, I'll come see you, we can go for coffee or something." Something in the way her mum said it made Nancy want to cry. Like she was just as desperate to get out, even if only for a few hours.

"Sounds perfect," Nancy smiled knowingly, and before she lost her resolve she took a deep breath, "you know, you and Holly are always welcome in Chicago. Eddie can stay at Robin and Steve's and we'll have the apartment to ourselves."

Tears welled in her mother's eyes, and her lip quivered but she was smiling and nodding gently, "that would be lovely, Nance." She surged forward and wrapped her daughter in a bear hug, "I'm so proud of you. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman."

Nancy pulled back and beamed at her mother, "I got it from my mom," her voice was warm and thick with affection. She hoped it came across in those simple words, just how much she meant it.

Karen's eyes were still welled up but she was stoically fighting them back, determined not to cry. Nancy had seen that look in the mirror.

"I love you, mom," Nancy said, with one last squeeze of her mother's hand.

"Love you more, honey," she smiled through glistening eyes, "now go go go!"

Nancy did just so. She found Holly over by the unsupervised plate of cookies, kissed her goodbye and slipped out in the middle of a loud argument about who sang 'White Christmas' originally. Mike was waiting by the car with a bag slung on his shoulders.

As she pulled up to the Buckleys' house that evening, having dropped Mike off, she'd had plenty of time to consider what she was doing and work herself into knots.

It was unfair of her to spring this on Robin, for her to invite herself over until they decided to go home. It was the holidays, the Buckleys were probably busy with family things. Family that didn't include her.

Nancy was seconds away from driving off without even knocking the door when she caught movement from the corner of her eye.

"What are you doing here, Nance?" Robin asked, running up to the car and flinging the door open a broad smile lighting up her beautifully freckled features. She yanked Nancy out of the driver's seat to pull her into a bone crunching hug.

When she could breathe again, Nancy answered without answering, "I'm so sorry to just turn up like this."

Robin waved her off dramatically with a scoff, "you're always welcome, Nance, my parents love you." The thought made Nancy grin.

"So are you staying the night? Or is this a flying visit? Because if you're staying that'd be super helpful because we've got an odd number so games are a little harder. You can be on my team? I bet my dad will try to steal you though. For your brain." She said the last part with a strange seriousness that was rarely found on her face. Nancy laughed.

"I was hoping to stay the night?" She admitted, "I promise I'll be on your team," she added to sweeten the deal. Robin made a not-so-subtle fist pump and then leaned into the car to grab Nancy's bags. She headed into the house without another word, so Nancy assumed that it was okay. That she was welcome. She trailed up the path behind her friend.

When she stepped inside, she was sweetly assaulted by the smell of gingerbread and wintery herbs. The warmth that spread from the hearth in the living room bled into her bones and warmed her soul. There were carols playing delicately from the radio in the kitchen. Robin had disappeared into her bedroom down the hall, deposited Nancy's bags and returned, stopping through said kitchen, to pick up a bounty of cookies that she offered up.

Nancy took one with a smile. It was such a stark contrast to the chaos of Christmas at her parents'. No overbearing relatives telling her that she looked tired and hadn't done her hair right. No screaming cousins trying to hang off of her arms the moment she appeared. It was peaceful.

Only now, in the lull, did Nancy realise that Robin was wearing the sweater she'd given her for Christmas. It was mostly blue, slightly faded in places, with grey sleeves that frayed at the cuffs and in embroidered lettering across the chest, it read 'I'm a bottomless sea'. She'd found it in a thrift store back in Chicago and immediately imagined Robin wearing it.

Nancy was suddenly overwhelmed by how happy she was to be there.

"Are you sure it's okay with your parents that I'm here?" She asked, worried that she'd disrupt the atmosphere like a hostile species introduced to a thriving ecosystem.

"Let's go ask, Nancy-pants," Robin said through a cheekful of gingerbread. Nancy rolled her eyes at the moniker but followed her as she made off towards the living room.

Robin placed the cookies onto the coffee table and spoke along as she signed to her mother on the couch, "Nancy's here, can she stay the night?"

Mrs Buckley seemed to bolt upright at that and Nancy flinched, preparing to be kicked out. But as she turned and their eyes met, it was clear her worry was for nothing. Mrs Buckley beamed at her with a familiar smile that she'd obviously passed onto her daughter.

Nancy had only been learning sign language for a few months but she had a grasp on the basics. So when Mrs Buckley signed enthusiastically – "Of course! Have you had dinner already?" – Nancy was already bringing up her hands to respond when Robin started to translate.

Nancy felt something flutter in her chest at Robin's surprised, perhaps even impressed, expression.

It was senseless, really; she was sure that she signed like a five-year-old. Robin had no reason to be impressed. Still, though, she felt a blush begin to burn her cheeks.

To Nancy's horror, Mrs Buckley was looking directly at her. A knowing, sly smile encroached on her usually soft, amiable features; she looked downright devious.

This time when Nancy's stomach flipped, she knew it was a concoction made up of embarrassment, nerves and general inner turmoil. She shot a (hopefully subtle) panicked glance at Robin's mother who responded in kind with a subtle wink.

Dear God, I'm screwed, she thought, disastrously aware of her own inability to mask her fast-growing crush. And now said crush's mother was also aware. Fantastic.

She signed an incoherent excuse and all but sprinted to the bathroom to escape the scrutiny of Mrs Buckley's gaze. She pointlessly hoped that the reaction wasn't too transparent. But Robin wasn't a fool. For all the nonsense she rattled out in a day, there was twice as much going on in her mind that was useful. Nancy hoped in vain that the revelation of her feelings were shrouded in the layers of nonsense.

She splashed some cold water on her face and laughed a little hysterically.

She came here to escape the crushing weight of being misunderstood, of being a disappointment, and the claustrophobic press of expectation from her family. Now, here with the Buckleys, she was having a hard time being seen. Ironic, really.

There was a light tap on the door, loud enough to be heard, quiet enough not to startle. Robin's voice came through the door.

"Nance, are you okay?" She sounded worried. Nancy didn't want that.

"I'm fine, Robin-a-Roo," she said with wavering cheer as she unlocked the door, giving Robin a reassuring smile as she came in and closed the door behind her, "it's just weird being home."

Robin just nodded, looking down at her fingers where they fidgeted with the rings there. Nancy fought the urge to take those restless hands into hers.

She was nervous, fidgeting in that way she did when she had pent up feelings that needed to be let out. Robin shifted foot to foot, rhythmically swaying in time with a heartbeat. Nancy grinned and started moving along with her, the monotony peaceful and calming.

After a moment, Robin's eyes lifted up to Nancy's, determined and she spoke a little hurriedly – like she didn't want to not say it – "Why'd you come here, Nance?"

A little taken aback, it took Nancy a moment to realise what she'd been asked. She just blinked, calibrating and considering.

The truth was, the only time she felt relaxed was around Robin. The only time she felt completely herself was existing in the warm glow of Robin's presence. There was nothing she needed to do, nothing she had to explain or justify, she could just be. Any time spent in Robin's company was soothing, she came out of it feeling better, not worse.

That was more than she could say for anyone else in her life.

Mostly, her mother was kind, supportive. But there were times she'd make a needless comment about how skinny she was, or she'd sideways glance at something Nancy had said.

Then there was Steve. Sure, she and Steve were close. She trusted him with her life. But he knew her before. There was still a part of him that thought she might be happy living the small-town life. A part of him that still saw delicate and dainty little Nancy, whether he knew it consciously or not. She could see it, though.

And of course, Eddie was her best friend, her confidant, but he couldn't get it. They were fundamentally different: he followed his heart while she followed her head; he was happy to say a firm "fuck you" to society and live on the outside forever, she was determined to force society into submission until it accepted her, moulded around her. She sometimes felt like he was telling her to give up. Not outright, but it felt that way.

The kids still had a lot to learn. There was a lot they didn't understand just by virtue of their youth. And Nancy would never want to burden them with her own worries.

Robin never let her feel like a burden. She always understood her goals and ambitions. She always reminded her of exactly how much she was capable of. Never put her down or questioned her expertise.

"You get me," Nancy over-simplified, "and I'm happier with you than I am with anyone else."

That seemed to cause some sort of a crisis. Robin suddenly stopped rocking, her fingers stopped fidgeting. Nancy ducked to look her in the eyes, trying to decipher the reaction, and was surprised to find a glint of pride, and a whole lot of happiness bundled into the blue of her eyes.

"I don't have to be 'Nancy', you know?" She tried to explain, but she knew it was an asinine attempt, "I can stop being 'me' for a bit…"

Robin's mouth hung open slightly, toying with a sentence that Nancy could already tell would be rushed and chaotic and jumbled. It made her smile.

Just as Nancy was about to break the silence herself, Robin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her voice still sounded strained when she spoke, though. Like she was fighting something back.

"I feel the same about you," the rasp in her voice was more pronounced than usual.

"Really?"

Robin nodded gently, starting to rock again, "you never tell me to slow down when I talk too fast. You let me go off on pointless tangents and talk about random things I find cool. You've never told me to stop moving around – actually you copy me sometimes, and I love it." Her smile was back, but she couldn't look Nancy in her eyes still. Instead, her gaze darted around the small room, settling on anything but Nancy's face.

"You've never made me feel like I'm too much or too loud or too annoying," Robin admitted, Nancy felt her own breath catch and her ribs constrict, "I can be myself when you're here. I kind of want you around all the time."

"You do?" Nancy asked, sounding a little broken.

Robin nodded again with a private smile. It was unsure and quiet. At that, Nancy knew that she needed to be honest.

With a sudden rush of clarity, bravery and affection, she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I want to be around you all the time," Nancy confessed breathlessly – even to her own ears it sounded more like a plea than a statement.

Only then did Robin's eyes meet hers. There was a hint of something like hope or nerves or excitement in them. Perhaps all three were swimming around in the glassy blue at once; Robin always had kept her feelings in shallow waters. The smallest ripple or break in the surface tension and all came spilling out of her in a crashing cascade of consciousness.

Right now, she was keeping an awful lot at bay – Nancy could see the strain of it in the curve of her raised shoulders, the way that she was curled in on herself.

Nancy took a step forward, something bold taking her over. She reached out to rest her hands on Robin's, hoping that the tremble in them wasn't too noticeable.

She didn't think too much about how automatically she had pulled their clasped hands up to her lips, kissing Robin's knuckles gently. Nancy's entire being thrummed with anticipation at the shiver Robin was unable to suppress at the contact.

The bathroom suddenly felt very, very small. Too small to contain the unspoken words, the inescapable tension, the feelings that were building up to a fever pitch. Nancy felt the pressure of it all squeezing the air from her lungs until she could only draw ragged breaths.

She'd been circling her feelings for Robin for months, only able to keep her distance this long with conscious and continuous effort. The moment her concentration had slipped, her brain had been sucked into the whirlpool that was her obsession with Robin Buckley. Now that she'd gotten this far, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to pull away again.

They drifted closer still. Nancy's hands had found their way to Robin's waist now, holding on to her belt loops and pulling her ever closer. She struggled to keep her eyes from honing in on Robin's full lips. Their height difference made that hard; they were directly at eye level, and so she got a front row seat to her tongue darting quickly across her bottom lip.

Nancy was hopelessly staring now.

Just barely registering that Robin's hands were shaking, Nancy could feel them slide up her shoulders and settle at the base of her skull. Leaving trails of goosebumps behind with the touch. She fought a shiver. Her entire body pulsed with energy.

She slowly, deliberately pulled herself to her full height and rolled up onto her tiptoes. The distance between them was negligible now, but Nancy kept it there for the moment. Instead of pulling them together completely, she moved her grip, balling her fists into Robin's sweater. The sweater Nancy had gotten for her.

It matched Robin's eyes almost perfectly.

In a broken whisper, Nancy confessed, "I would really like to kiss you."

The words tore a half panicked laugh out of Robin's throat. Nancy almost laughed too, at the look of irritation on her companion's face, like she was inwardly cursing herself.

"Sorry about that," Robin said once she'd gathered herself, and then made an over-serious, sobered face, "I think you deserve to have everything you want, Nancy Wheeler."

A grin broke across her face as she watched Robin's head bob up and down, like that was an absolute. Like it was obvious and unquestionable. Something joyous bubbled in her gut.

Finally – finally – she used her grip on Robin's clothes to pull her down to swallow up the last little bit of distance between them.

When their lips met, Nancy's mind exploded with light and colour and vibrance. Robin's mouth was warm and soft and inviting and so Nancy pushed further up into the kiss, all but begging for more.

Robin seemed happy to oblige, and while keeping one hand curling into Nancy's hair, she wound one arm around her waist, hoisting her up a little more. Nancy thanked her with a whimper that escaped without her permission.

A whimper that descended into an all-out moan when Robin's tongue grazed her top lip. Nancy couldn't be more enthusiastic in opening her mouth to deepen the kiss. The hands that were holding tightly at Robin's chest loosened and found their way up to her shoulders instead, wrapping around them to pull her closer.

Nancy was very aware that she'd need to come up for air soon but by-and-by thought that this would not be a bad way to go: suffocating with Robin's lips on hers, arms strong and desperate and needy wrapped around her.

All good things, though…

When they parted, they were both breathless and hazy, foreheads pressed together still. Neither wanted to separate from the other completely. So they panted and grinned and blinked away the daze, sharing their space, their air and their stability.

Robin managed to speak first, of course, "I'm so glad that that's what you wanted."

Nancy giggled airily, her brain was still a little mushy, "'want'," she corrected, "present continuous."

"Ugh, you nerd," Robin chastised before swooping down to catch their lips into another blistering kiss.

Nancy tightened her arms, still slung around the taller girl's neck to pull them closer but moved to part them again. They remained in each other's space, breathing the same air.

"We should go back out before your parents notice we've been gone," Nancy reasoned.

Robin whined in a way that Nancy shouldn't have found attractive, "but they'll be all annoying until we tell them what's going on."

It made her smile. The fear from earlier forgotten, "let's just go tell them then, your mom already knows about my embarrassingly huge crush on you."

"She does?" Robin seemed genuinely shocked. And then her features softened into something teasing, "I can't believe you have a crush on me, that's so weird."

"I know, right?" She laughed, placing one last chaste peck on Robin's lips and pulling away.

"Wait, just so I'm clear: you have a crush on me?" Robin's voice was a little shrill.

"That's probably understating things," Nancy said while she fixed her hair in the mirror and then spun to face Robin again, "I'm pretty sure you're my favourite person on the planet."

The little "oh," sound that Robin choked out was unbearably cute, and so Nancy felt the need to hold her face in her hands.

"Are you okay?" She asked delicately.

Robin's eyes were watery, moments from spilling over, but she kept her eyes on Nancy's. Gentle and loving and awed.

"Hell yeah, Hot Wheels," she replied softly and Nancy's answering giggle was a bit watery too.

#stranger things #ronance #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #ronance fic #fanfic #stranger things fic #ao3 down #robin x nancy #nancy x robin #roo writes

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itsgonnabemagne · 10 months

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Life lately

It’s been a while since I last posted a text blog here and I can still remember how I felt back then. The pandemic has really impacted everybody and personally, as a front liner, it was really tragic. My job as an ER nurse has become really exhausting instead of fulfilling. I can still remember going to work with heavy weight on my feet. Esp during the peak of COVID delta variant, I can painfully describe how i felt like giving up. But it was also the time I realized that the support I was receiving from my workmates and friends back then has been really helpful. The team that I’ve worked with in Makati Medical Center Emergency Department has been very very lovely. I was happy.

But I still left. Why? I believed I was trapped with something that will never be in my favor. There were times that I also thought that I was contented with what’s being presented to me and didn’t ever think of what’s ahead. I wanted to achieve so much and even if I was happy, I will never get to reach them if I don’t leave.

I moved to the UK March 2023. It’s the scariest decision I’ve ever made in my life. I have been independent since I started working but the first few weeks living here has made me become like a toddler needing my mom everyday. Nobody taught me how to live abroad and when I got here, it felt like I had to discover everything on my own. Good thing that I have friends here from uni and previous work who guided me on what to do. It was a good decision choosing London over the outskirts.

4 months have passed and I’m still adjusting to the weather and culture. It is very hard to cope. I thought I have figured out my life and people think that i’m so put together when i’m actually not. There’s still a lot to discover and to explore. One of my friends told me that he was also a mess before but things will get better and that I will love London even more.

So far it has been better: Everyday has been a learning opportunity for me. I am slowly learning how to manage my task and time in my new workplace although it hasn’t been the same as the previous one and honestly, I still hate it. What’s keeping to stay is the team and people that i am working with. ;) I was able to buy things that I can’t afford before: my dream shoes, makeup, and gadgets. It’s not because I am splurging but I realized that I deprived myself to it and that I deserve and need it. (Char ngita og reason haha) I also got the chance to decorate my own bedroom and make it cozy as possible. And I get to enjoy my alone time.

I’ll be turning 30 in a few days and I just wanted to achieve peace of mind and genuine happiness. I just wanted to quote something from one of my favorite songs by Two Door Cinema Club:

“It took a little time to make a little better

It’s only going out

Just one thing then another you know

Let’s make this happen, girl

We’re gonna show the world that something good can work

And it can work for you

And you know that it will.”

#personal #life #filipino #nurse #Filipino nurse #United Kingdom #uk #London #moving on #Philippine nurse #pinay nurse #text post #text #life lately #coming of age

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semidecentpoet · 3 months

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Semi-rant bc I have been Vibrating all day, feel free to ignore

So, I'm a journalism major, and I wrote this article for a class (I got a ways to go before I publish it anywhere lol) ab a woman who broke into and stole from three different places last year. I haven't been able to get much information outside of court docs ab her or the cases themselves bc it's all ongoing and shit, but in one of the documents for a previous charge like six years ago, it said she was experiencing homelessness at the time. So, naturally, my angle changed.

I talked to someone from a local human service outreach program and the communications manager for the United States Interagency Council on Homelessness, and I included some data from the Department of Housing and Urban Development. I interwove these pieces of information into the story to explain how homelessness could and does affect someone's interactions with the criminal justice system.

As an aside, I don't know if she's still experiencing homelessness. I put down that she has experienced it, but I don't know if that's still the case (I can only do so much ab people nOT GETTING BACK TO ME). Given how the homelessness-incarceration cycle is (as I learned from the aforementioned experts I talked to), it wouldn't be surprising if she still is.

I finish the article, submit it, and then send it to my parents bc I love them and I want them to see what I do and I love them—

My mom says, "Looks good, sweetie"

And my dad says, "Nice job. Very compassionate. What are your thoughts about personal responsibility of their choices? I didn't see any mention of that. 🤷‍♂️"

This

Bitch

I'm not going to go through the multiple essays I've sent him throughout this lil debate in the gc—yes, he starts this shit in the gc with my mom bc why not rope her into all this?—bc I already wrote that shit and I don't wanna do any more Preaching on how systemic issues cannot realistically be solved with individual choices.

(Did I include the quote from the communications manager of the top government agency on homelessness in the country ab how "homelessness is the failure of systems and not the people who are failed by those systems"? Yes, yes I did. I wonder how he missed that.)

Ik this is not a unique experience at all, but it's just frustrating, yk? You grow up believing your parents are Good and they know Good from Bad

And then they say shit like this.

There is a bit of comedy here, tho, featuring:

my Super Conservative "Christian" dad who "found God" a few years ago (idk what he found, but that ain't my Jesus)

me, a leftist, a firm humanitarian with a strong sense of justice (and a damn good writer, but that's besides the point)

and my left-of-center mom playing somewhat of a mediator (while texting me separately to just stop bc he's stubborn and it won't go anywhere and "I know it's frustrating but don't worry, I Can Fix Him" [not a direct quote, but—])

I stopped responding a while ago. I think it kinda drifted into forgiving loan debt somehow? Idk, I'm Done, yk

Blegh. There's some comfort, tho, in being so firm in what I believe in. Ik it's not fair to ridicule my child self, but I used to be such a kiss-ass to the authority figures in my life. I'm genuinely proud of myself for making Points and standing by them and not budging one damn bit. Independent person at 19, wild

This experience, while discouraging in a lot of ways, makes me feel more confident in fighting for what I know to be right. How's that for a sliver of a silver lining?

#rant post #feel free to ignore

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sparkfromthefire · 1 year

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07 Jan 2023

I'm going to use this tumbler page as a digital journal. My goal is to a) write daily or as close to daily as possible and b) improve my typing speed and skill

Today is Saturday and yesterday we got a new laptop which is why started a new tumbler.

So the biggest thing I have on my mind is that I have a new opportunity at work. Right now I work in inventory, I enjoy the job I have now and it pays well, I think I will get an opportunity to move up in the position I have now to make more money have have more seniority. When I started at this company I was a packaging assistant and I have slowly worked my way into the position I have now. My initial goal when I started working here was to work in QA and I have been given an opportunity to do just that. I never thought that I would hesitate to take the job that was my goal to have just 2 years ago, but now that I have had the position in inventory for 9 months I am seriously conflicted!

Pros of staying in inventory: I enjoy my job, I will get a raise soon, I like my coworkers, I have a lot to learn still, I am being given new exciting responsibilities, I have very little supervision, I get to be physical and stay in shape, my manager really likes me, my coworkers really rely on me

Cons of staying in inventory: the person who will become my supervisor is hard to work with sometimes, I have to work 4 weekends every year, I find it difficult to understand my manager when she trains me because it is not very straight forward and it is done remotely

Pros of moving to QA: I love the people that work in QA, It would be incredible to add to a resume, could propel me into a long-term career, I would already have a very good relationship with my supervisor, I would make more money initially, there is room to grow, I could potentially move to dayshift if Jackson ever gets a promotion

Cons of moving to QA: The manager is new and I don't know her very well, I'm worried I might get bored, I wouldn't be working out my arms anymore, the raise I will get soon in inventory is more then the starting rate in QA, I genuinely like my job in inventory and don't want to regret my decision

My plan right now is to wait for the offer from QA and tell my current manager that if I don't get a raise I will be leaving the department. If she offers me a raise I will take that back to the manager of QA and basically create a bidding war over me. Then I will go to the department that offers me a higher wadge. My priority is to make more money because Jackson and I are trying to afford a honey moon and I don't want to settle just because we are young and broke.

I have found a girl at work that I think is incredibly smart and talented for someone so young and I want to push her into whatever position I don't take so there wont be a void left in my absence, not only that but she deserves that jobs as much as I do and at the end of the day, spotting her talent and giving her the opportunity to move up is helping the company as well so its a win win win. I win by getting more money and the job I want, she wins because either way she will get a significant pay increase, and the company wins having 2 smart, talented women being promoted.

Obviously I haven't made a decision yet but I will let you know what happens and when the time comes what decision I will make.

Love, Kat <3

#journal #personal diary #writting #female writers #mylife #story time #kat #work #story about work #journaling #growing #learning #opportunities #women in the workplace #women in the workforce #my experiences #digital journal #goals #decisions

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dirtyd008 · 2 years

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2022 was a great year for music, movies and tv-shows, no? If you watched or heard or enjoyed any good music with great lyrics, acting or writing this year, chances are, it was written, orchestrated or masterminded by yours truly: - Moi!

That’s right, after my time in the service with faulty paychecks and false imprisonments, I took time out my busy day to entertain you clowns and muggles. unbeknownst to you.

Bitch, who needs Hollywood? I am Hollywood.

Time for me to Go Pro. I was the Ghost Writer behind some of your favorite movies, tv shows and music, this year and last. And I still haven’t seen a single penny yet, for my Hardwork. Is this how it is usually works, in Hollywood? I can’t wait to fight you guys in court. I only have the rest of my life. To say I am beyond Furious is an understatement, picture a volcano, trying not to Erupt for the last 15 years... No one man should have all that power. You don’t want this smoke.

I don’t even know who to blame for that, except my parents, family, the world at large and my debtors lol Always everyone but myself. Left to my own devices, I will do no wrong. Gimme my respect. I am beginning to see a pattern here, whenever it comes to my Respect, Recognition or Acknowledgement...niggaz, can’t pay you a genuine compliment.

No need to worry though, I am on top of my bag now, personally. I am making it a priority since I am going broke. People like to think I am not violent...I still, just haven’t met any of the people that owe me a bag and are on my list.

Haha-haha ah ha ha!

I am what you call, a troubled Artist. Mixed that with some PTSD and throw in some trauma. you’ll get the perfect cocktail.

I was planning on selling more of my stories to Netflix, Amazon, Disney, Peacock and Hulu but then, I was like: Fuck Them. They only want to pay you pennies on the dollar. They don’t know the first thing about making true Art.

Why don’t you, keep your stories for yourself, start your own production and distribution company. You went to school for this shit. You are already the best writer and manager in the world... and with your business and military mind, all you will need to do is hire, actors and directors on your terms.

I still got to find some more investors and venture capitalists though, all in due time, all in due time...I mean, how hard will it be after they see these ROIs? What can I say, people love to work with me and for me. I am a cash cow. This is only the next step of my natural evolution. It’s the cred I get for being a man of my word for this long. You should try it sometimes.

I won’t even need a marketing department because all my products and services, sell themselves through word of mouth.

Website is coming up soon, so, I won’t be posting on tumblr anymore or on any other social media platforms for that matter. Thank God.

You always wanted to own your own, legit business, right? Compete with the big boys in this cutthroat world of ours...now is your chance, are you excited? Are you ready... to swim upstream? Time for you to pull up your trousers, suit up and put the competition out of business. Once and for all. The year of grace is finally coming to an end.

You can be ruthless, you don’t need to go easy on them because they didn’t go easy on you, plus they don’t even like you, so, don’t worry, it’s nothing personal, it’s simply all just business.

My competition is not looking so good. I feel too strong a war with mortals, bring me gods. Fortune will always favor the brave and bold.

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my-never-ending-nightmare · 2 years

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06/23/2022 (II)

Just this morning I was complaining about how my job has seemingly sucked away all of my time and prevented me from using what little of it that's left in the day to pursue anything constructive or fulfilling – leaving me feeling as if I’m wasting all of the days, weeks, and months that have been passing me by without taking me anywhere new.

Maybe I should have been more careful with what I wished for.

Because due to a scheduling error I got to finish work early and now have the rest of the day off… but I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to pass the time. I want something to do, anything to distract me from the emptiness of my own life... so why not continue to write that emptiness? I mean, just this morning I was bitching about how hard it is for me to make sense of my own mind when I have so little time to write anything. So I may as well make the most of this time now while I still can. I’ll never make figure out how I’m feeling if I don’t.

All day I’ve been thinking about what I wrote this morning – specifically when I offhandedly said something about how I don’t think I’ll ever be as happy as I was last summer. That statement doesn’t sit right with me. Because it’s not like the entirety of that summer was a happy one for me. The best days of my life all happened during that summer, granted. But they weren’t all happy. If that makes any sense. Like, there were a lot of days back then when I genuinely was as happy and care free as an adult can be… but I still have days like that, even now that everything that I loved so much about that summer has fallen apart. In fact I had a day like that just this past weekend, now that I think about it. But these moments of happiness & joy never last. They’re always nothing more than fleeting moments. And I always hope that in them I’ll discover some sort of epiphany that will lead me to the type of life that everyone around me seems to enjoy… but that never happens. Instead I just return to my regular bassline once the moment has come & gone. Moments that become nothing more than life-preservers that get tossed to me as I’m being swept down the river of my life so that I can have something to cling onto and pull myself out of the water long enough that I can catch enough breath before I'm once again pulled under.

Like, there was such much anxiety, fear & stress last summer. Yet I still look back at with such fond memories – even though some of the most heartbreaking days of my life occurred that summer. Like, I’ll never forget the day my best friend’s dog had to be put down. He was such a sweet and unique little soul, and in my own small way I loved him despite never having spent a great deal of time with him. And I loved him because I knew how much my friend loved him, and I saw how much joy & comfort he brought into their life. So it was an honor to have my friend bring me along on that awful final trip to the vet that day in August – but in all honesty there’s some part of me that wishes they hadn’t. Because not only was it incredibly distressing for me, but it’s also something that I’ll never be able to forget. It was a day just like today: warm and humid but overcast with light rain. So whenever we have a day like today that’s all I can think about – the fact that I once spent what felt like an eternity sitting in my friend’s car doing my absolute best to hold back tears so that I could remain strong for them. I’ll never forget how afterwards my friend asked what time it had been exactly that their best friend departed this world – 4:20pm. I’ll never forget that. I’ll never forget how my friend managed to see the humor in that and laugh about it. Even in the depths of grief they were able to laugh through the tears and say “of course he would.”

It would be a lot less painful to hold onto these memories if my friend was still here with me, too. And that’s why that small part of wishes I hadn’t been there – because for the rest of my life days like today are going to make me think of them just like I do every time I see that it’s 4:20pm. And thinking of them hurts so much now that they’re no longer a part of my life.

Idk.

I think what I’m trying to say is that despite the fact that last summer wasn’t as perfect or dreamlike as I make it out to be, I still had something back then that I no longer have at all: hope. Because when you look at all the circumstances of my life back then and compare that to the circumstances I find myself in now then you’d think that I’m doing far better off today then I was back then… but that couldn’t be further than the truth. In the lead up to last summer I was just as miserable as I am now, but I still had hope that things would get better. I still had hope that the dream that I had clung onto for so long would someday come true. And by this time last year enough had happened that I knew my hopes were more than just a pipedream. I knew that good things were coming, and I knew that all I had to do was wait and be patient until they arrived.

That hope was all that kept me going until those good things finally arrived – and once they did my hopes got replaced with new ones. I began to dream bigger, I began to envision a sort of life that I had never before been able to imagine for myself. And it was that vision of the future that became my new motivation. Even after everything had fallen apart last year, I still clung to that newfound hope that I had for the future. I clung to it for so long and it got me through so much (I never would have been able to stop drinking without it) but ultimately my hopes were dashed last March when I was given the most devastating news of my life. All my dreams went up in smoke and suddenly I was completely lost and directionless. But even then, I knew that I had one month to try and resuscitate those dreams before it was too late. Because I knew that May 1st would be the point of no return. I had the entirety of April to try and rekindle that aforementioned hope instead of just accepting my fate. But in the end that’s preciously what I did: roll over and accept defeat. Because something happened in April that entirely sucked the life out of me and plunged me into an incredibly dark, bitter place where all I could think about was my inadequacies & jealously. And in the end I just let April slip right on by, having wasted all of that time.

May 1st came and went, and I thought that all of my hopes & dreams had gone with it. But that’s not what happened. Instead things started happening in May that gave me back what I had lost. I suddenly had reasons to believe that my dreams weren’t actually dead. And I started to believe that it was once again ok to let myself have hope again. But at the same time I was incredibly confused about it all, because I knew that what had happened on May 1st was something that should have been the final deathblow to that hope. But if what I thought had happened on that date had actually happened then why did all of these thing keep happening that seemed to indicate that my dreams were moving closer and closer to becoming a reality? It didn’t make any sense to me, and it confused the hell out of me. I started to wonder if I was just reading too much into things, or if the things I was placing such significance on were in reality just meaningless coincidences. Yet still I chose to believe that things weren’t over. I chose to believe that the things I was noticing really were indicators that what I had long since imagined would happen was actually beginning to happen. Because I knew that the same things had started to happen last May, also. And I knew that I had dismissed it at the time as me being crazy. But I wasn't, the things that happened had meant what I thought they meant. And I thought that they meant the same thing this year, too.

Big mistake.

Because all I did was break my own heart when I realized that all of the stuff that I had interpreted as being related to me were in instead just meaningless coincidences.. or worse - about someone else, instead. And suddenly nothing made sense anymore. Suddenly I began to question everything that I thought to be true. And suddenly I became desperate for answers - answers that I never should have expected to get. Answers to questions I never should have even tried to ask. Because it ultimately did more harm than good. And I know this sounds schizophrenic as fuck, but I can’t explain it in a sane way at all without getting into details that I really don’t want to discuss here. So trust me when I say that I wasn’t just interpreting random things throughout the day as messages someone/something was sending me lol. God knows I’d love nothing more than to finally be able to talk about all of this in detail. But this isn’t the time… and this ain’t the place.

Point being that for the first time in my life I’m now genuinely afraid of the future because I don't know what I have to look forward to anymore. And I don’t have any hope that things will get any better. Just worse. Which is something I’ll have to flesh out more at a later date, because there’s a lot to be said about just how severely depressed I’ve been since April. I haven’t been able to completely shake myself free of it yet. And I don’t think I ever will until I finally talk about it. But there’s just so freaking much I want to talk about. And so little time… time is such a precious thing, and I’ve been so careless with it. That’s another thing that I can’t stop thinking about – the fact that I never truly appreciated the value of time until fairly recently when I realized just how much of it I’ve wasted.

But I like to think that the time I spend discovering myself through writing like this is time well spent. It certainly beats just thinking about everything, that’s for sure. And if I don’t keep writing like this then soon enough I’m not going to have any fingernails left at all because I start biting them like a mf when I get lost in thought. It’s not something that I do consciously, but rather something I’m not even aware that I’m doing until well after I’ve started doing it. Like, even just today I was sitting in my car at a red light thinking about everything that I wrote here this morning when I realized I was biting my nails and instantly thought of the same thing that I think of every time I catch myself biting them: my best friend. Whenever I was with them I never even needed to catch myself doing it because they always did that for me. Stop biting your nails, they’d say. Albeit in a loving rather than bossy or demanding sort of way. Eventually I tried to explain to them that it’s not just a bad habit of mine but also some sort of coping mechanism – something that I do subconsciously whenever I begin to overthink and become lost in my own head as a result of it. So after that their stop biting your nails became stop thinking!

I miss that. I miss that so much.

I had never felt an intimacy like that before. They’re the only person who’s ever been able to know what’s going on inside my head without me even having to say a word. Not only had that, but they frequently knew what was going on inside my head even better than I did. And they knew how to snap me out of it. They knew how to snap me out of it long before I would even realize that there was anything that I needed to snap out of.

I’m not too good at doing that for myself.

My way of snapping out of it used to be having a cigarette. And my way to stop thinking was to start drinking. With the two of those removed from my life I’m left without any means of escape from my thoughts… unless I start writing them here, of course. But my mind keeps fucking with me, telling me that I was indeed self-medicating but maybe that’s the only thing that was keeping me alive… maybe that was the only thing keeping me sane. Or, at least, that’s what my mind keeps telling me regarding cigarettes. I used to tell myself the same thing about alcohol, but it’s been so long now that that’s become more of an afterthought than anything else. If that makes any sense. Idk. I really struggle to concentrate without nicotine. And I often wonder if it shows in these posts…

But at least I’m making them again. Things were much worse when I wasn’t. Like, if I can write this much in the span of 5 – 10 minutes then just imagine what it’s like inside of my head for every single moment of every single day.

I hope you can appreciate why I spent so much of my life trying to escape it.

#blog #journal

0 notes

hwanchaesong · 2 years

Text

"Ghost of You"

Synopsis: dealing with your beloved's demise will never be easy

👤: Jeong Yunho

📼: Ghost - Justin Bieber

genre & warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of death, implications of trauma, suicide, and depression, sprinkle of fluff, fantasy (inspired by anohana)

word count: 2.8k

requested by: @xddjoong

Birds chirping, soft wind blowing, and the bright sunlight shines down upon you as you walk down the isle of freshly trimmed grass. A peaceful and warm day outside yet your heart is frozen and is filled with agony.

Halting your steps in front of a tombstone, you crouched and placed the bouquet of red and pink carnations down.

'I still can't forget you, i love and miss you so much.'

"Hey honey," you mumbled, hands reaching over to touch the engraved name in the marble stone, "how are you doing over there? I hope you're happy."

'Even if I'm not.'

"It's been a year since you departed from me," you took a deep breath, feeling the emotions welling up inside you, "don't worry though, I'm doing my best to live my life."

Lies.

Yes, you were living your life but not at its fullest, you're just going with the flow, feeling hollow every day without your starlight.

A lot of people comforted you, told you words of encouragement, they never left your side and stayed with you at your darkest moments.

You appreciated all of their efforts, thankful that they didn't think of you as a dramatic ass person, thus, you did your best to feign a smile.

Fake it 'til you make it, what's worse is when they took it as a genuine one.

'If it's him, he'll surely know.'

After a long tiring day, you plopped down on your bed.

It felt empty and cold, the other side is absent of something, or more specifically, someone.

'Life wouldn't be this difficult only if I still have you by my side, Yunho.'

There was a lot of time that you wished for him to come back, you were willing to sacrifice everything just to be with him once again. You were ready to give your own life up if it means that you'll see him on the other side.

You ache for him so much that life did not matter to you any more, and it took a lot of convincing from your family and friends for you to continue your journey even without him.

You closed your eyes, trying to force the tears back down from where they came from.

Looks like it'll be an another episode of you crying yourself to sleep.

When you opened your eyes, an eerily familiar face greeted you, even its voice is the exact same of the person that you were thinking about before you lulled yourself to dreamland.

"Come on, Y/N, wake up!"

Okay, now you're definitely awake.

A loud shriek came out of your lips, scrambling away from the unknown yet intimate person that is currently kneeling on the floor, right across from your bed.

"Who the fuck are you?!"

He sighed and stood up, resulting in you screaming your head off once again as you threw your pillows at him. You were about to cover yourself with your blanket (sort of like a protection although it's useless), only then you noticed that the pillows did not hit him, but it went through him instead.

What in the world?

A staring contest between you and the entity ensued, him breaking the silence when it got louder to the point that your ears might bleed due to the intensity that is building up between the two of you.

"It's me, Jeong Yunho."

Commotion so early in the morning, you're so sure that your neighbors might file a complaint with how noisy you are.

After all hell breaks loose, your heart finally manages to calm itself down, you spoke in a tight manner, still not believing the paranormal shit that is currently happening to you.

"Explain yourself." you ordered the tall, puppy-like man like he's about to be scolded.

Being a skeptic, you rejected his first statement of 'I am a ghost and I am here because I have a mission!'

Fuck that, you're not gonna accept an unreasonable bullshit like that.

So there you stood in all your glory, acting all tough with your arms crossed over your chest, when in reality, your soul is already breaking with the sight of him.

"I really have nothing to say anymore!" he raised his hands out of frustration, a sign that he really doesn't know much aside from what was instilled in his mind.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, dealing with the impending tears as you tried to find a solution for this messed up situation.

"Okay," you started, pointing at him while he looks at you expectantly, "if you really are my Yunho-"

You temporarily stopped when you saw his eyes soften at your words.

'My Yunho.'

Your term of endearment that you always use whenever you had the chance. It symbolizes your undying love for him, a proof that he is yours, and you are his.

You cleared your throat, regaining your composure, "If you really are Yunho then give me a-"

"You ate a whole gochu because you want to impress me for our first date, but it ended up with you choking on water."

You were dumbfounded and it shows in your face. Nobody knows that incident but you and your lover, and he didn't even let you finish your sentence yet he knows what you're about to say.

"I am aware that you'll ask for evidence. I know you."

Too stunned to speak, Yunho continued to talk, staring at you intently, laying out the truth for you to comprehend.

"Listen, I know it's impossible but I want you to hear me out."

You shook your head, reality dawning on you like a meteor crashing right at your sanity.

This can't be happening, not when you think you have already made progress and now, he's back into this kind of form that makes you remember every memory whether it is good or bad.

An incoming panic attack washes over you but it was quickly replaced by a soothing sensation when a gentle melody resounded throughout the expanse of your room.

It's the lullaby that Yunho always sings to alleviate any negative emotions within you, works like magic and after a few more minutes, you were back to your rational self.

"Are you okay?"

You looked at him, trying to make sense of the conundrum you're in, "I d-don't know."

Yunho's eyes trailed down on his shoes, guilt eating him up because he knows that showing his self out of the blue won't do you any good, but what can he do?

He was always there, watching you everyday and he couldn't take it anymore. He can't bear seeing you suffer, he wanted to help, he must do his best for you to be able to smile again.

"Forgotten promise." he blurted out, making you look up and focus on him.

"I am here because of that, a forgotten promise."

It was quiet for a minute, scrutinizing the man until you realized that he's still wearing the outfit that you last saw him in.

Blue long sleeved polo topped with a maroon sweater, paired with denim pants and white rubber shoes.

He looks ethereal as usual, handsome yet adorable that always made you doubt how lucky you are, getting a perfect man like him in your boring existence, until he left you all alone.

"What is that?" you weakly asked, wanting answers that will aid to the growing confusion and distraught in your mind.

"I want to show it to you!" he exclaimed, a bright smile forming in his face as he approached you, his hands enveloping yours.

It's surprisingly warm, contrary to the belief that ghosts are wintry beings, not able to make in contact with-

"How are you able to touch me?"

Incredulous yet the butterflies in your stomach are wilding, even more so when he flashed a charming grin at you, "Call it a miracle, I mean, I am here, right?"

You let him drag you out of your house, not having the energy to fight against this, or whatever the circumstances are.

The bystanders on the street looked at you weirdly, (which is understandable since your posture looks like someone invisible is pulling you.)

"Wait a minute. I'm the only one who can see you?"

"I guess? It's only you that matters the most to me so it might work like that."

Stopping your steps, the both of you arrived at a park, the place where you met Yunho, also where a lot of your firsts happened.

"Why are we here?"

He held your hand tighter, somehow wanting to feel more of you even if he knows that he can't do that anymore, thus, the least that he can do is to not let go of you for the remaining time he had left.

"You'll see."

Tugging you with him, he led you to a garden filled with colorful flowers, trees everywhere and overall an astonishing landscape.

"The locus of our firsts." you mumbled, viewing the place that started it all, melancholy blooming in your heart.

You met him out of coincidence, bumping into his broad back because your clumsy ass decided to use your phone while walking.

Like a drama scene, he caught you in his arms, an electrifying eye contact derived, a small smile adorning his face when your hands flew to his shoulders.

He didn't let you fall on your ass that day but he made sure that you'll fall for him. He was following you 'til you afternoon, walking you back home and asking for your number and name.

It was really sweet of him when he asked you out on a date the next day, having the best time of your life, thinking that yeah, maybe you'll have this man in your life until you're old and gray.

"Hey look!" Yunho excitedly pointed at a nearby tree, the spot where your first date happened, "We had a picnic under the cherry blossoms, then you ate the gochu! That really was a funny one."

You snorted, remembering that he also kissed you during that time.

"Oh my god." you let your tongue dangle out of your mouth, fanning your face wildly as you tried to reduce the heat that you regretfully took upon yourself.

"Good grief."

Yunho snickered to himself, finding you cute for doing something you're not accustomed to just to make yourself look cool in front of him.

His hands extended themselves towards you, effectively cutting your hysterics when he collided his lips with yours.

You were briefly shocked, quickly getting over it and reciprocating his kiss, enjoying his soft and mellow lips.

Yunho breathed against your skin, "I could kiss you forever if you'll let me."

A sorrowful expression decorated your face, actuality pressuring you in a spiral of anguish.

The Yunho you're with now is not alive, he is a mere specter of your past that will never return and live with you in the present, even until future.

A shadow that won't be able to kiss and cuddle you everyday, a dark chassis that creeps up on you and you can't do anything but to drown in it.

You clasped a hand over your mouth, grief overwhelming you at the thought of the man that you once loved, still love, and will always love, will never truly return to you.

Yunho's gaze was fixated on you, angry that he can't bring you comfort like he used to.

He heaved a sigh, looking at the setting sun that shone its bright orange hue down on earth, gracing an ambience of joy and enthusiasm, although none of you can feel any of it.

"Y/N."

His voice snapped you out of your stupor, craning your head to get a good look of him.

"Come with me, I have to show you something." a light smile heightens his sharp features, nodding his head towards a direction that leads to a forest.

The two of you trudged your way into the sinister woods for a few minutes until you reached what seems like a top of a hill. The moon has already risen over the black skies, stars winking at anyone who dares to peek at them.

"What are we supposed to do here?"

You were pinned at your place when you felt arms snaked around your waist, a head softly situating itself in the crook of your neck.

"I'm sorry."

Yunho spoke, voice above a whisper as he poured his final words and goodbyes.

"I'm so sorry, love, for leaving you so suddenly."

Your hands went over to hold his own, eyes getting glossy due to the tears that are starting to form, "It was so difficult to go on without you."

"I know, baby, I know." his hold on you got tighter, your body shivering either from the freezing air or fear that when he lets go of you, he'll go far away from your reach.

"Don't go."

Clammy hands and shaky voice, desperately begging for him to stay with you even if he's nothing but a phantom of your dreams.

You'd rather live with his ghost rather than be haunted by your yearning for him, the most that your greedy self can have is a memoir of him, a proof that he's there with you.

"Let's play." Yunho muttered, releasing you from his cozy touch that had you crying out, terrified of him deserting you.

"No, Yunho. I won't, please, don't divert the topic." you yelled, your heels rotating to face him, tired and frustrated about the whole thing.

"You can't just show yourself to me like this and leave like nothing happened!"

Tears are now falling uncontrollably, staining your plump cheeks and blurring your vision.

"You did that once and now you're gonna repeat it? Just how cruel can you be?"

After your last statement, it was impossible for you to stand, sliding down to ground as your wobbly knees can't support you anymore, you feel like floating with all the amount of mental and emotional torment that you're experiencing.

Yunho gritted his teeth, his heart physically breaking at the sight of you breaking down. He did not mean for this to happen, but what can he do when he fought his way out of here?

He clenched his fists, squatting down to your level and wiping your tears softly. Yunho hates seeing you cry, more so when he's the reason for it. All he prays is for you to be happy, and that he can't achieve.

"Hide-and-seek." he said, bewilderment etched on your face.

A tender smile stretched on Yunho's face, caressing your soft skin, "Let's play, I did told you that I needed to finish a promise."

Oh.

He cupped your face, lips pressing on your forehead, "I was on my way here on the day the accident happened." he murmured, continuing his small speech when you didn't make any move.

"For a whole year, I planned everything, and now I want to execute that. So," he pulled away from you, peering into your eyes and you were mesmerized by his pretty brown orbs, "will you please let me?"

"Okay." you sniffled, closing your eyes and starting the game.

He gave you a loving pat on the crown of your head, thanking you before taking a few steps back.

"Start the countdown, darling."

You did as he said albeit unstable and hesitant.

A bright light engulfed Yunho's body, big, fat tears cascading down on his face as he memorized every detail of you.

Slowly fading away, whispering an 'I love you' that you might not even hear.

You opened your eyes only to be greeted by an empty space, Yunho nowhere to be found and you let the tears flow freely.

He disappeared from your life again.

Just how many heartbreaks do you have to experience? How much more do you have to endure?

A shiny glint garnered your attention, there below you, lying in the greenery is a beautiful diamond ring, a letter beside it that contains your significant other's heartfelt message.

Gathering the courage to pick the piece of paper up, you opened it and read the contents.

"Ehem! Greetings my one and only lovey dovey!

I just want to tell you that I, Jeong "your baby" Yunho, doesn't want to be your boyfriend anymore. I want to be your lifetime instead, so, will you please do the honor of being my bride? Then be my wife, then be the mother of my kids, and you know the rest.

Okay, even in this I ramble please, I do this because I love you so much!

I can't wait for our wedding T.T"

Under the starry night, atop of the hill of hopes and longing, your loud weeping echoes and unto the heavens, crippling the paper like how your heart is, knowing that you won't ever have the chance to cross the bridge that he walked on.

Maybe one day, in another life, you'll meet each other again, be with each other again, and perhaps live until tomorrow ends.

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ateezmakemeweep · 3 years

Text

playing with fire (part 1)

word count: 23k

fluff, smut (warning: age gap, infidelity, roommate’s father)

(series masterlist)

“is there any other way you could pay?” the woman behind the desk asked, stout and soft spoken with sympathy in her eyes.

she probably has to have this conversation with students a lot, tell them that their tuition payment didn’t go through or that they’re not eligible for government support.

or that the athletics department needed more scholarship money, successfully rendering you, one of the many photography majors on campus, unable to pay for your last semester of college.

“a loan of some sort or another scholarship, maybe?” she tried to help, “i could send over an e-mail of ones you might be eligible for.”

you swallow the lump forming in your throat, attempting to calm all the anxiety and stress violently making its way through your body.

“y-yes, that would be great, thank you,” you barely manage to get out, hoping and praying to some unknown force above that you don’t burst into tears.

you were nearing the end of the fall semester, the last fall semester you ever anticipated of having, when you found out just last week that you were no longer eligible for your scholarship.

in a short, curt e-mail explaining that, while you kept up your gpa and never strayed from the requirements, they’ve maxed out their amount of funding and are looking to use that money elsewhere.

“can they do that!?” your best friend and roommate of four years yelps, gucci sunglasses atop her head as she stomps around your shared, off-campus apartment.

“they can’t seriously do that! you’ve been a straight a student since you started and now they wanna take it away?! before your last semester of senior year?!”

“eunbi, it’s not ideal but i’ve already come to terms with it,” you explain gently, leaving out the part where you did, in fact, have a break down right outside the bursar office only an hour ago. “i’ll just save up money and come back in the fall to finish.”

“that’s so not right or fair though!” she whines, something about the concept of not getting what she wants unfamiliar to your roommate.

you first met park eunbi during freshmen move in day, your two raggedy luggages and beat up backpacks an embarrassing contrast to the multiple louis vuitton travel bags she lunged in.

you were intimidated for all of three seconds, before she looked at you with a smile and threw her arms around you like a long lost best friend.

it was obvious she came from money, the way she spoke and carried herself so confidently before her parents came in and introduced themselves.

they were both gorgeous and tall and looked far too young to have an 18-year-old daughter, covered in fancy jewelry and expensive looking clothing.

her dad, who introduced himself as mr. park seonghwa, didn’t seem to bat an eye at your more humble appearance. he reminded you a lot of eunbi, honest and genuine in the way he was kind and nonjudgemental.

mrs. park seemed nice enough, too, though you could see the judgement behind her pretty eyes.

the way she sneered at your bags and looked down at your hands, so different from her and her daughter’s not covered in diamond bracelets or acrylic nails.

“did we just miss your parents?” she asked, her voice just as pretty and rich sounding as she appeared; you bet if she laughed, she’d had have that melodic, care-free laugh all rich women seem to have.

“oh, uh, yeah, i’m sorry,” you apologized, lying through your teeth with a shy smile and averting gaze - you had to move in by yourself, the same way you traveled here all alone with no one to send you off.

“it’s okay, we just thought it’d be nice to meet them,” eunbi’s father interjects, the smile on his handsome face causing your stomach to swoop - how is he a dad?

“we were gonna take eunbi to an early dinner before we left. do you wanna join us?”

“oh no, it’s okay, i’d hate to intru-”

“no, you’re coming, c’mon!” your new roommate whined, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the door. “we’ll be able to get a lot of dessert out of them. probably the whole menu if we wanted.”

and you saw that over the years, eunbi knew she could, in fact, get whatever she wanted from her parents. they had the money and the means and the fondness in their hearts for their only daughter.

but it never seemed to get to your friend.

she was always kind and thoughtful of others and never said or did anything to suggest she was just a brainless, spoiled rich kid.

even in your guy’s second year when she found out you were going to school on an academic scholarship, she didn’t care. she didn’t turn her nose up or think you were lesser than her for not having the funds; if anything, it only made her praise you more.

that you were smart and ambitious enough to work under the strict guidelines of a prestigious scholarship.

“i know it’s not fair,” you mumble, not wanting to cry or have another anxiety attack over this matter. “but it is what it is. i’ll figure it out.”

she lets out a dejected, defeated sigh so uncharacteristic of the girl, plopping down on her pink, fluffy bed and bringing you down with her.

“we’ll sell feet pics over winter break,” she concludes after a few minutes of silence, wrapping her arm around yours and curling her body into yours. “you know how much money we can get from that? and we have pretty feet,” she says, sticking her leg up and wiggling her red, painted toes.

there’s a little less tightness in your chest and a little heaviness lifted in your stomach as you let out a giggle, looking over at your best friend who truly got you through the last four years of school.

you really don’t know how you’d still be functioning if it weren’t for her.

“you’re sick.”

“i’m serious,” she giggles out, flipping on her side and causing the bed to bounce under you. “you’re still good with coming tomorrow, right? i told my parents you were.”

she had invited you to her house for the winter break this year, the girl not wanting you to spend a month alone in the apartment.

you’ve shared with her how strained your relationship with your parents has been, really, since birth. never seeing eye to eye to them and feeling as if they never had your best interests at heart.

when most kids get full ride scholarships, their parents are immensely proud. bragging about how smart they are and telling them how proud they were.

but your parents were the opposite.

they didn’t want you to up and leave them to pursue an education. they thought you were gonna stay with them forever, not go to college like them and help run the family business back home in your tiny little hometown.

it was your dream to go to college and get a degree, though, so that’s exactly what you did for yourself; but they saw it as a giant fuck you.

saw it as you thinking you were better than them and basically told you to never come back if you thought you were so much smarter and better off without them.

so you’d spent every winter or summer vacation in the dorms, this year finally being the time you accepted eunbi’s invitation to stay over - reluctantly.

“i packed all my stuff, yeah,” you mumble, hands twisted into one another nervously. “but... are you sure they’re okay with it? i don’t wanna intrude or be there if i’m not wanted.”

“y/n, please,” she whines, “my mom may be a raging bitch but you know i make the rules in that house.”

“that’s not what i meant,” you mutter immediately, looking to the girl with a small frown on your lips.

although it was no secret eunbi’s mom didn’t ever seem too fond of you, always sneering at your off-brand items or questioning the logistics of why exactly you needed a scholarship to afford college, you always tried to remain polite.

smile at her and greet her happily even though there was always a thick, palpable tension between you two.

“oh but it is,” she chuckles out, the girl far too aware of what a materialistic snob her mother is. “it’s fine, i know she’s a bitch. my dad’s just coming tomorrow anyway. i told him to bring one of the bigger cars so we can lay out in the back.”

you have to bite back a snarky comment about the fact there are multiple cars in question, though the look in your eye certainly gives it away. she can only giggle and shrug her shoulders, flopping onto her back as she tells you about how excited she is to be reunited with her boyfriend.

eunbi and jiwoon have been dating since their second year of high school, going to colleges only an hour away from each other; he was just as handsome as he was kind and good to her, leaving you with no other option but to love and support the both of them.

and you try to listen to her rambling that ensues, you really do, but your mind is swirling with some slight anxiety about staying with her family for a month.

you don’t wanna make her mom even more irritated, deal with the side eyes and passive aggressive comments and overall feeling of just not being wanted.

you don’t want eunbi to feel obligated to be with you 24/7, act as a cock block to her and her boyfriend who haven’t seen each other in almost six weeks.

and maybe, you don’t want your tiny, small, miniscule crush on mr. park to make you feel any more awkward than it does, wondering how a married man who has a daughter in college is still so handsome and alluring.

it also doesn’t help that he’s just so incredibly kind, always making everyone feel so comfortable and welcomed, it’d be hard not to just develop a little, secret crush on him.

“eunbi, who is that sexy ass man who just dropped you off?” one of your suite mates asks your roommate, everyone gathering back in front of the dorm building after winter break.

it was sophomore year and you spent a month in the quiet, almost eerie college dorms alone (apart from the ra down the hall). you were grateful for everyone to return, no matter how loud or catty things were about to become.

“yeah, for real. is that your new boyfriend? he’s hotter than the last one and i didn’t even think that was possible.”

“uhhh.. no,” eunbi says, shooting the crowd of girls with lustful eyes and curious glances a look of distaste. “that’s my dad.”

and that’s when a chorus of disbelief and inappropriate comments erupted from the group of college girls.

asking how a dad could look like that while hoping and praying he’s single.

inquiring about just how much her dad’s on campus and when’s the next time he’s gonna pick her up.

about how he’s definitely hotter than her boyfriend, with a more mature and sophisticated look than these college boys.

“are they fucking serious! like how disgusting? he’s my literal father!” eunbi rages once in the dorm room, sharing a few curse words and vulgar phrases at the girl’s before stomping away from them.

“and for them to say that shit in front of me? did they think i want to hear that?”

“i know, that was so sick,” you agree, because even though you, too, think he’s attractive, it’s not something you would ever verbalize to your friend.

“like... i know he’s younger than most dads, my parents had me when they were teenagers, but shit! how sick,” she rants, throwing down her heavy designer bags and flopping on her bed.

you can tell by the look on her face how much it truly bothers her, everyone always noticing her dad and making comments like that. she handles it well, she’s always able to handle herself well, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s something that worries her.

people getting close to her to get to her dad, even if it was teachers or other moms in elementary school or her friends when she got to college.

it’s one of the many reasons you would never give away your little crush on him - because it’s not only inappropriate and uncomfortable for her to know but there’s also no need to tell her.

because it’s not like it would go anywhere.

he’s a married man and your roommate’s father, a twisted, dark, forbidden fantasy that will stay in the walls of your head and never see the light of day - no matter how thrilling and fulfilling being with him would be.

“eunbi, your dad’s gonna be here soon,” you yell into your roommate’s doorway, met with the sound of her groaned “five more minutes!” that you’ve been hearing for the past twenty.

she was on facetime with jiwoon when you went to bed around one, briefly waking to the sound of her girlish screams or high-pitched giggles three hours later; you wouldn’t be surprised if she only went to bed a few hours ago.

“you said five more minutes thirty minutes ago,” you say, stomping your way over before smacking her over the head with a pillow. she lets out a loud sigh before swatting you away, your surprisingly fast reflexes grabbing her wrist.

she peeks one eye open as a smirk covers her morning face, looking from you all dressed up and ready in your pink pleated skirt and white thigh high stockings, down to her wrist in your hold.

“that was kinda hot. and you look good. i don’t know how to act right now.”

“shut up and get your ass out of bed,” you demand, biting back a smile as you storm out of her room.

you’d been pacing around the apartment ever since you woke up at seven a.m., more and more unsettled about staying over her house as the time drew closer.

you checked to make sure you had enough clothes and chargers and skincare products for nearly an hour, finally settling the same purple suitcase you moved in with freshmen year near the door.

you hope mrs. park doesn’t notice, remembering the way she sneered at the wonky zipper and slightly stained bottom.

you also hope you can keep yourself in check, not get too nervous or flustered by eunbi’s exorbitant wealth or a new setting you don’t feel welcomed in or her hot ass father whose bones you wanna jump.

the knock at the door completely sobers you, jumping in your spot just in time to see eunbi fly across the living room to get to the door. there’s a big, happy smile on her face, ripping open the door and greeting her father in typical eunbi fashion.

“are those for me?” she asks, snatching the red box from his hands.

excitement bubbles inside the girl as she unveils twelve chocolate covered strawberries, a speciality at one of the local dessert shops just a few miles from her home.

“you shouldn’t have, dad, really. i’m much too tired to appreciate this.”

the man can only look at his daughter with a look of disdain and affection, waking up to an extremely passive aggressive text that she’d really appreciate an early morning treat from her favorite place ever and that it’d really inspire her to be ready.

but as he can currently see, given the state of her hair and pajamas pants, it didn’t at all act as a motivator.

“then maybe i should just-” but upon her father’s hand reaching out to grab the box of strawberries, the girl brings it to her body and runs away, yelling that her bags are packed and she’s just gonna wash her face.

he looks to you with a mock annoyed expression, your heart jumping in your chest as you send him a small, polite smile.

“how do you deal with her, y/n?” he asks, a smirk on his face rising as you let out a soft, slightly forced giggle - this man looks too good for his own good at ten o’clock in the morning.

“don’t talk shit about me!” she yelps before you can even think to say something, a smile lighting up his face again before he nods his head down the hall.

“i’ll bring down your girl’s bags,” he says, his tall, large frame coming toward you making your knees feel slightly wobbly.

you swear you see his eyes roam over you for the shortest of seconds, down to your shirt and exposed legs before back to your face, until he’s looking into your eyes questioningly.

totally not like someone who just checked out their daughter’s roommate - this is what you feared, your own delusionals and attraction making your crazy little brain see something that’s not there.

“her bedroom’s down that hall?”

you resist the urge to swallow nervously, begging yourself to snap out of it and remind yourself you have to deal with the man for a month. a month of his dark, piercing eyes and bright, white smile and skin so smooth and clear, it’s far too easy to forget he’s almost forty years old.

“yeah,” you barely manage to get out. “i-i can help and bring down mine.”

“no, it’s okay,” he insists, “help in getting eunbi ready. you know she’ll delay us thirty more minutes.”

you let out another strained chuckle as you nod your head, finally letting out the breath you’ve been holding when you hear his footsteps disappear down the hall and into her room.

as long as you distance yourself from him, not look him in the eye or let any sort of idea get in your head that an older, married man could want you back, this will be fine.

it’ll be a nice, calm, relaxed break actually full of interaction and socialization opposed to your usual lonely bubble of solitude.

eunbi’s not making that very easy though, when twenty minutes later, she’s opening the back door of her father’s black g-wagen and sprawling out on the black leather seats.

“where’s y/n supposed to go, eunbi?” seonghwa asked, the fatherly tone is his voice causing eunbi to let out a huff; the only time you see eunbi’s spoiled tendencies come out is around her father, the girl knowing he’ll do anything and everything for her.

and apparently, so will you.

sitting in the front seat of her car, next to her extremely hot father you’re trying to stay calm around, while she sleeps soundly in the backseat - if she didn’t invite to stay at her home, meals and bed and transportation free, you’d say she has to owe you.

“was she up all night talking to jiwoon?” mr. park asked, the past few moments of silence just as comforting as they were terrifying. it felt awkward to you, extremely tense and full of suspense, but you knew it was completely normal.

you bite down on your lip, looking back at eunbi sleeping soundly on the seat, even prepared with a fuzzy white blanket. you let out a soft giggle when you see her mouth open, the slightest bit of drool hanging from her mouth and threatening to spill on the dark leather.

“she might’ve been,” you mutter, a breathy laugh leaving her father that causes you to sneak a glance at him.

there’s not a hint of a wrinkle or imperfection on his glowing skin, black hair hanging in his face and red lips quirked into a content smile. that’s something you always noticed about him, despite his dark appearance and looming figure, he always appears to be happy.

smiles and laughs and never gives anyone without his same wealth a dirty glance - he treats everyone the same and that’s another reason you’ve taking a liking to him, not just because he’s the hottest man you’ve ever seen in your life.

“y/n?” he asks, your intrusive thoughts being ripped away at the sound of his voice calling your name.

your eyes move to his and he’s watching you in slight amusement, a rampant blush creeping up on your cheeks at the way you’ve been caught. you’re quick to look away, shake your head and let out an awkward chuckle and apology.

you miss the way his eyes roam your side profile, a delightful smirk and feeling in his chest blooming before he speaks again.

“how was your semester?”

“it was good,” you say, hands placed nervously in your lap. “a lot of work on top of an internship but it was good.”

“and you girls are almost done,” he hums lowly, one hand atop the steering wheel while his eyes focus on the highway in front of him. “eunbi’s been talking about a combined graduation party since the moment you guys met.”

you let out a small laugh as you remember eunbi’s plan since your second semester of freshmen year, ignoring the twinge of sadness in your stomach.

you could’ve never anticipated delaying your college career when you first received your scholarship, happy and proud and eternally grateful for the opportunity.

but you suppose you’re lucky enough to have gotten this far, and delaying one last semester is nothing compared to people who never get to go to college - but it still makes you feel upset.

you think you have the right to feel disappointed and sad, the lingering sick feeling in your stomach making you feel nauseous.

“is it okay if i open the window for a second?” you mumble to mr. park, the man looking over your face.

he presses down on the passenger window button immediately, your face met with cold air as relief floods through your body.

“are you okay? do you get car sick?” he asks, remembering how much eunbi used to get car sick (on the rare occasion she wasn’t passed out during a road trip).

“not usually,” you mumble, resting your head on the side of the door.

then again, i’m not usually freaking out about making tuition money or repressing my violent attraction to my roommate’s father.

seonghwa watches as you close your eyes for a few moment, allowing the cold, windy air to hit your face. he couldn’t help but notice the pinkish tint to your cheeks, suppressing the urge for his eyes and thoughts to wander.

you’re a college girl in the prime of her life and his daughter’s best friend, he’d be a fool to think you were blushing and nervous because of him - but he also doesn’t remember you looking like.... this.

so pretty and dressed up and pink in the face as you check him out with a soft and curious look in your eye.

“maybe try to take a nap,” he suggests, his gaze lingering back onto the road so he doesn’t look at your exposed legs. “i’ll pull off at a rest stop to get you ginger ale.”

“that’s not necessary, mr. park,” your sweet voice says, something about it causing his insides to jump - he definitely doesn’t remember you sounding like that. “i’ll be okay. just need the window open for a little longer.”

you spend the next few minutes with the cold, december wind blowing through the car, your back pressed against the comfortable seat behind you. a chill runs through your body, goosebumps rising on your exposed thighs, but it feels better than the alternative.

potentially panicking or vomiting due to current stress of your life.

your gaze shifts to the man beside you, whether it be to check him out or ask if he’s cold unknown to you.

“are you okay with the-”

the words are stuck in your throat when you see his eyes aren’t on the road but your exposed, goose-bumpy thighs, the white lace of your thigh high stockings and pink skirt leaving little to the imagination.

you wish you could see the look in his eye, if it’s judgemental and shameful or full of lust and curiosity. if he’s wondering what you have on just a few inches under your skirt and if that’s something he even thinks about.

or maybe he’s just looking because it’s there - your skirt blowing in the wind and him caught off guard by the sight right there in his passenger seat.

“um, i think i’m good now,” you mumble, watching from your peripheral as he shifts in his seat and tightens his hold on the steering wheel.

“alright, let me know if you wanna stop.”

you bite down on your lip as you nod your head, keeping your eyes on the view in front of you.

the faint sounds of eunbi snoring behind you act as a way to ground you, remind you that these thoughts and feelings you’re having can’t stay.

maybe you have to get it our of your system now, take all the looks you can and feel all the hopefulness your delusional brain needs until you act as if eunbi’s father is a mean, disgusting, grotesque man.

not someone who gets your heart and body pounding.

you’re not sure how many songs play on the radio until you both are talking again, seonghwa looking in the rearview mirror to see his daughter still passed out on the seats.

“do you think she’ll sleep the whole time?”

he hope for his sake, she doesn’t.

you look back at eunbi sleeping soundly, the drool previously trickling down her mouth successfully making a pool on the black leather.

“probably,” you chuckle out lightly. “i have a feeling she went to bed around six.”

“shit,” he laughs out, remembering the days he used to be able to pull all nighters in college or dreaded the idea of waking up in the morning. “i can’t remember the last time i was able to stay up past one.”

“you’re not even that old, mr. park,” you tease, not sure where you got the balls to say that and feeling, at least for a few seconds, that you overstepped; but then he lets out a deep, amused chuckle and it causes butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

“not that old, huh?” he quips, your tooth sinking into your lip at the tone of his voice. “you know i’m turning 40 in a few months, right?”

you crane your neck to look at the man in the driver’s seat, swallowing thickly when you see his eyes are already on you. there’s a certain type of lightness and teasing in them that you’ve never seen before, the man always happy and jovial but never like this.

never looking so... teasing and playful.

“yeah,” you say with a growing smirk, not being able to help your own nervous excitement. “that doesn’t seem too bad.”

the deep, low chuckle that leaves him causes your stomach to swoop, eyes wide and the small smile on your face causing him to look over you once more.

it’s shameless and bold but neither of you seem to care in that moment.

“i’ll keep that in mind,” he says, deep brown eyes piercing through yours before his face turns teasing and.. appropriate.. “the next time eunbi tries to call me an old man or something.”

“right,” you chuckle out, cheeks burning and heart pounding as you allow yourself to break eye contact.

the ride to eunbi’s house is just over two hours, hoping and praying that it goes by quickly - because you’re not sure how much longer you’ll be able to be alone, or mostly alone, with him.

you’re thinking too much into his words and his gaze and the way he makes you feel, making you silly enough to believe that, maybe, a part of him wants you too.

the second you arrived at eunbi’s, you had already felt unwelcomed.

not only because of mrs. park, who just about sneered at your presence in her exquisite home, but because of the dozens of other socialites in the immaculately white living room.

it looked and felt almost like a hospital. a white color scheme with black accents, extremely cold and spotless - the only bit of color was in eunbi’s room where it felt like you could actually breathe.

“i’m sorry, i told her not to throw her fucking gathering today,” eunbi complained, grumpy from her nap but still happy to finally be home.

“a bunch of stuck up snobs, i swear to god. they either have to get the stick lodged so far up their asshole removed or get dicked down by their lousy excuses of-”

“eunbi,” you hear her father’s deep voice reprimand, the girl not even feeling the slightest bit of shame or embarrassment for talking that way in front of her father.

“oh, c’mon, dad, you know it’s true!” she whines in a whispered tone. “they’re the worst! and she knew me and y/n were coming today, do you really think that wasn’t a coincidence?”

because, as far as eunbi thinks, she has sinking suspicions that her mom did this solely to make you uncomfortable.

she had already been hesitant to let you stay in the first place, had eunbi not gone full on bitch mode and stubbornly proclaimed she’d spend the break with you at the apartment.

but you didn’t have to know that.

“i don’t care, it’ll just be my first christmas without my family, mom, who cares about that,” she had said, all types of manipulative and toxic behavior that she learned from the best.

she’s sure her mother was sweet and good at one point in her life, she wouldn’t have ended up with her father in the first place if she wasn’t, but money changes people.

wealth and greed and having the power to get anything you want because you flash a stack of money around or write out a check.

“i told her to have them out by dinner,” he said, his eyes moving from eunbi to you, standing there with tense shoulders and a shy, uncomfortable look on your face.

“you’re more than welcomed here, y/n,” he said, his voice low and full of kindness as he stands in eunbi’s doorway. “don’t worry about it, okay?”

you resist the urge to pout at the touched feeling in your chest, looking from the man to eunbi who’s nodding at her dad’s words.

“thank you, mr. park,” you say, a phrase he swears has never effected him this deeply.

and because of that, he’s quick to haul ass out of there. tells you guys that dinner will be ready around seven and to come down whenever.

you and eunbi spend that time in her room to unpack both of your things and watch movies, her king sized bed nearly lulling you to sleep until her loud squeal and bounce of the bed causes you to jump in shock.

“y/n, don’t be mad at me please,” she whines directly in your face, all wide-eyed and cutesy as she looks at you with mock innocence.

“what did you do?” you mumble tiredly, pushing her away with the smallest of sneers.

“i’ll be back for dinner, i promise, but... is it okay if i go to jiwoon’s for a little?” she asks, cocking her head to the side before shimming closer to you. “i have to get railed so bad.”

“jesus christ, eunbi,” you snort, pushing her away again and burying your face in the pillow - you’ve never met someone who overshares as much as she does.

she plops down on her back with an unabashed giggle, popping right back up like an annoying little dog and looking at you with a smile.

“of course you can go, i’m not gonna hold you hostage here,” you say when she pulls your face away, looking at you so expectantly and sweetly, you couldn’t say no if you wanted.

“okay, but i don’t want you thinking that i’m gonna ditch you this whole time. i’m really not, y/n,” she pouts, knowing that was one of the reasons you were apprehensive about coming - that and her bitch of a mother. “i just miss him.”

a pout falls on your face as you look at eunbi and the genuine look on her face.

“bi, i’m serious, go. i want you to,” you insist, moving a piece of her tangled hair away from her face. “we were just gonna be up here anyway. i’ll probably take a nap, i was about to fall asleep before your loud ass-”

“thank you, thank you, thank you,” she says, pulling you into a tight hug before jumping off her bed and rushing toward her door. “i’ll be back a lot more calm and happy. oh, why, you ask? because i’m about to get my back blown the fuck ou-”

you thank god for your impeccable aim, promptly whacking eunbi in the face with one of her pillows.

“get out of here,” you groan, eunbi throwing the pillow back with a smile on her face.

“sweet dreams, y/n!”

you let out a sigh when she closes her door, falling back onto her bed with a soft plop.

you were definitely tired from your anxious pacing this morning but aren’t sure how much sleep you’re gonna get right now, tonight or for the rest of the month.

knowing that you’re unwelcomed by one person, extremely attracted to another and silently betraying the person you should be most loyal too - but as long as it just stays in your head, and you remind yourself that there’s no way mr. park could feel anything back to you, it’ll be fine.

you’ll just get by quietly and smoothly at dinners or in passing through the hallways, enjoy eunbi’s comfortable king-sized bed and the fact that you don’t have to spend yet another holiday alone.

reruns of drake and josh play in the background, keeping your giggles quiet as drake soaks his feet in lizard pee. you feel your eyes grow heavy the more episodes you watch, the shitty laugh track and loud, bickering brothers eventually lulling you to sleep.

it takes about five knocks on the door to eventually stir you, your eyes fluttering open to see mr park’s figure in the doorway. you can only stare at the man as you adjust to him, taking in his tall, slim figure just a few feet away from you.

taking in the way his white shirt clings to his body, broad shoulders and slim torso on display in a way that makes you wish you could see, just for a second, what he looks like underneath that a-

“sorry if i woke you,” his deep voice hums, the slightest bit of amusement in his voice that causes your cheeks to warm. “i didn’t think you’d be sleeping at seven p.m.”

“no, it’s okay,” you stammer out, sitting up in eunbi’s bed. “i... i don’t even know when i fell asleep, to be honest.”

he looks at the screen to see drake and josh playing, a smirk pulling at his lips as his gaze shifts back to you.

“it’s funny,” you defend with a mumble, a deep chuckle leaving his mouth that causes butterflies to erupt in your stomach - he’s far too handsome, everything about him is just far too attractive, even in his laugh.

“that’s what eunbi claims,” he says, remembering all the years of his daughter forcing him to watch ridiculous shows.

despite his daughter’s outgoing nature, she never had a lot of friends growing up.

there was once a small group of girls she hung out but they quickly drifted apart throughout high school, leaving eunbi really only with him and her boyfriend.

the boyfriend who seonghwa really didn’t wanna like out of principal but seeing that the kid really does love his daughter quickly coming around.

“speaking of, where is she? jiwoon’s?”

“yeah,” you tell him, settling back into the pillows and stretching your arms out in front of you. “she said she’d be back for dinner.”

“well she’s wrong, as usual, because dinner’s ready,” he quips playfully, the smirk pulling at his lips causing you to smile back at him. you swallow nervously when his eyes roam over your face, your own gaze trained on him before you see his mouth start to move again.

“do you want me to bring some up for you? or you’ll come down?”

he can see the apprehension on your face immediately, fear crossing your eyes and your arms folding into each other uncomfortably. he tries to ignores the way your soft white sweater dips by your chest, a hint of perky cleavage just barely showing that causes his dick to twitch in his pants.

he doesn’t know when this happened.

he didn’t know when he became a pervy old man who checked out college girls with his wife just downstairs and the knowledge that you’re his daughter’s friend.

“i’ll come down,” you say, surprising him just as he was about to insist he brings some up for you. “she’ll probably be back soon anyway.”

but five minutes pass by, then ten, then twenty and eunbi’s still not home - it’s just you, seonghwa and mrs. park at the long, glass dining room table.

white chairs with high backs and comfortable cushions to match the immaculate, hospital-like color scheme and environment; truthfully, you’ve never been more terrified to eat a plate of chicken parmesan in your life.

the sound of utensils scraping on the china and the crackling of the fireplace a room over are the only noises heard throughout the home, mrs. park taking a swig of wine and gently placing it on the table with a light clack.

“so, y/n,” she finally says, breaking the tension with her rich-sounding, nasally voice. “how has school been, dear? you’re an... art major, am i remembering that correctly?”

“uh, photography, yeah,” you smile tensely, trying to ignore the judgment in her voice.

“ah, so you never switched over to business then,” she hums, her wine glass back in hand as her dark, gorgeous eyes look you over.

you bite the inside of your cheek as you feel a pink flush cover your face, faintly remembering your roommate saving you a few semesters ago when her mom was grilling you about picking a more practical and useful major.

“she can do whatever she wants, mom,” eunbi eventually snapped, “whether she does business or photography or even liberal arts is none of your business.”

“no,” you mutter out, dropping your gaze to look over the intricate pattern on the table. “i thought about it but it wasn’t something i wanted.”

“so you didn’t want something practical? or useful?” she asks, using those two words yet again while cocking her head to the side with a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

“a business degree would’ve been great, y/n. everyone always has connections to somewhere, you could’ve found a job right out of college.”

you bite back the urge to tell her no. that not everyone has connections to multi billion dollar companies or numbers of ceos in their phones or the ceo of a tech company as their next door neighbors.

but instead, the same way eunbi defended you against her mother, seonghwa does against his wife. gives you a soft, sympathetic side eye before placing his larger hand on his wife’s.

“there are tons of jobs in photography too, honey,” seonghwa says, his voice so warm and soft and welcoming compared to hers even despite the slight edge in it.

“and she can travel to build her portfolio. it’s a fantastic opportunity to explore the world and make money. is there a particular type of photography you’d wanna do?”

you feel yourself relax slightly, a small smile on your face as you nod your head toward the striking couple.

“i would love to be a wedding photographer actually,” you mumble, a romantic at heart who’s read and watched far too many novels and romcoms.

“taking pictures of all those moments would be really fun, i think. like when the groom sees the bride for the first time or just everyone dancing and having fun. weddings are usually happy and i like to photography happy things.”

“that sounds perfect for you then,” seonghwa smiles, his brown eyes lighting up and making you feel even more at ease.

“i think you’ll do great, y/n. and you only have a semester left, right? maybe you and eunbi you could travel for the summer before you start your jobs.”

you ignore the swish of dread and anxiety in your stomach at the mention of next semester, instead choosing to smile softly and nod your head at the man.

“i think she’d love that,” you giggle out, knowing damn well your roommate already has an extensive list of cities she wants to visit before ‘real life begins.’

“and how do your parents feel about everything?” mrs. park asks, making your stomach twist with even more dread and discomfort. “are they proud?”

you wish you could fold in on yourself right now, swallowing the growing, nervous lump in your throat.

because not only is she making you incredibly uncomfortable right now, with her harsh looks and topic of conversation and snide little tone, she just mentioned the people you haven’t spoken to since you left home at eighteen.

you don’t know what to say, you have the slightest bit of concern you might throw up on her, when the loud, chipper voice of your roommate floats through the cold, silent house.

“i’m back!” her chipper voice yelps, sock-clad feet running through the house and sliding on the marble floor. “what’d you guys make?”

“you’re late, eunbi,” seonghwa mumbles warningly, an innocent smile on her face as she picks up her plate of food and plops down next to you.

“am i? or are you girls just early?”

“i’m not a girl.”

“it’s a figure of speech, father,” eunbi says, smiling playfully at her father before turning to you.

she’s able to tell the second she sees your face that you’re uncomfortable, the pink flush still lingering on your face and the tenseness of your shoulders making her frown.

“i’m sorry you were alone with them,” she whispers, genuine sorrow in her wide, mock-innocent eyes. “i got held up. or... down, rather, but i tried to leave on time. i promise.”

“uh huh, i bet,” you mumble back, fighting back a smile despite your discomfort.

because eunbi has always had something about her that made it impossible to stay mad at her, her carefree, unfiltered way of communicating that made being her friend so easy.

even if, sometimes, you wanted to kill her.

“so mom,” eunbi quips, turning her soft gaze to you before looking over her mother.

“what was with your little group of bitchy housewives today? you couldn’t have had them over any other day? what kind of christmas disgrace is that?”

“eunbi...” seonghwa chastises lowly, the girl with her brow already quirked and eyes narrowed.

“i can do whatever i want in my home, eunbi. are you forgetting how things work around here?”

“how could i, when i’m met with thirty middle-aged women with botox out the ass in my home the second i get back from school?” she asks, “you didn’t think me and y/n would wanna spend the break, like, resting?”

“you ran off to your boyfriend’s the second you got here,” mrs. park bites back, her glass of wine empty as she pinches the bridge of her nose. “left your friend all alone in your room. what did i tell you about leaving... guests unattended in the house?”

the accusation and direction of conversation is quickly making you feel uncomfortable, your head turned down in your lap and leaving your cheeks aflame.

she’s making it sound like you would steal something in her home for christ’s sake, like you’re not a guest who’s dreaded coming here due to this very reason.

you block out the back and forth between eunbi and her mom, a few more seconds of yappy feminine voices before a deeply spoken “enough,” echoes through the dining room.

you even look up at the sound, watching as mr. park’s eyes rest on you. his eyes narrow as he takes in the sight of your red cheeks, his gaze shifting from you to his daughter to his wife beside him.

“y/n’s here for a month and we’re gonna make her feel welcomed the entire time. if you two are gonna fight, don’t do it at the dinner table.”

“but dad, she totally-”

“maybe you should’ve taught your daughter-”

“no more,” seonghwa growls, a sense of finality in his tone that causes the room to go silent.

you can tell your friend is unbothered by the reprimanding, shoveling food into her mouth and sipping from her wine glass completely unbothered.

sometimes you wish you could be more like her, so unfazed by conflict or loud voices or the strained relationship with a parent.

eunbi was always open with you about the rocky relationship with her mother, saying more than once to you that if it weren’t for her father, she would’ve long cut off any contact with her.

she had never really been there for eunbi growing up, having nannies and chefs take care of her for most of her life - it was her nanny of fifteen years who taught her how to walk and talk, was there with her for all the milestones she met through infancy, childhood and even adolescence.

but even then, eunbi was nonchalant and carefree about it.

saying that she’s not gonna waste her time being upset over it when she knows her mom doesn’t think about her at all. it makes your heart hurt for eunbi, grateful that the girl at least has a good relationship with her father and boyfriend.

and you, of course. you consider her your best friend and you know she does the same - even if sometimes, you wanna pull her hair out.

“i’m gonna go the food store tomorrow, eunbi, so if you and y/n want anything, just text it to me.”

“oooh can we come!” she squeals, knocking her arm into yours like an excited kid in a candy store. “we wanna try making our cookies again.”

“you’re gonna bake?” the girl’s father asks, a look of doubt on his face that causes you to bite back a smile.

“no, we’re gonna bake,” she corrects with snark, “y/n measures the ingredients and stirs, i put it in the oven and watch.”

“right, silly me,” the man hums, a smirk pulling at his lips the more he sees his daughter get irritated. “but of course you girls can come,” he says, his eyes flicking to you for just a few seconds too long.

you can only look back with a small smile, a quiet “thank you,” leaving your mouth that you’re positive he doesn’t catch.

(he did).

you help clean your plate off before you and eunbi go up to her room later that night, once her door’s closed and she’s sitting down shooting her a look of disdain.

“i know you’re mad, okay, i’m sorry, i really am!” she whines, holding her arms out for you to come over. “i tried to leave but he wouldn’t let me. he just kept wanting to-”

“i don’t need the details you sick freak!” you yelp, going over and plopping down on her bed. “ugh, it was just... so awkward. your mom hates me. she was utterly perturbed that i didn’t switch my major to business.”

“ugh, she’s a crotchety bitch i swear,” eunbi says, falling onto her back and looking at you with sorrow in her eyes. “i’m sorry, i really am. i won’t leave you alone with her again, i promise.”

you quirk an unconvinced eyebrow her way, eyes full of doubt and distrust before she throws herself on you and squeals that, at least, now you can have a scary movie marathon without any interruptions.

it seems you also probably should’ve made her promise last night that you’d never be alone with her father either; it didn’t even occur to you at the time, not thinking that she’d really ditch you two days in a row.

but alas, jiwoon’s car pulled up when all three of you were walking out of the house to the g-wagon for the trip to the food store, her shooting you an apologetic look and whispered condolences in your ear.

“i’m technically not breaking my promise because my dad’s nice,” she mumbled, the feeling in your body more nervous and aroused than it is angry and upset.

but she could’t know that.

“and when i break your head? then what, eunbi?”

“i love you,” she giggles in your ear, the playful tone of your voice letting her know she got off the hook again. “it’ll be fine. my dad’s a good man. he wouldn’t ever talk shit to you the way my mom does.”

little does she know how much you want her dad to talk shit to you.

talk to you in a way that’s casual and playful and teasing, like the hints of it you’ve seen in the car or in eunbi’s room when you were alone last night. you just want him to look at you with the slightest bit of something, even though it’s wrong.

not only because of his wife, no matter how big a bitch she is, but because of-

“do you still wanna come with me?”

seonghwa’s voice pulls you away from your thoughts, looking to the man dressed in a long, black jacket and expensive loafers. he looks far too fancy and delectable for a trip to the grocery store.

eunbi is long gone by now, her giggles and carefree run down the driveway and into her boyfriend’s car leaving you and mr. park alone, with only the blue sky and crisp air as your witness.

him looking you over hopefully, with a twinge of teasing and longing in his gaze.

you looking at him full of nerves and excitement, biting down on your lip as you nod your head timidly.

“s-sure, if that’s okay,” you say, looking from him to his car just a few feet away. “it’d be better than sitting in eunbi’s room again.”

a handsome smile crosses his face as he nods his head, heart pounding and throat constricting as you watch him walk toward the car.

he walks around the front of a smaller, sleek suv, your own eyes watching in confusion until he opens the passenger side door.

you can only stare blankly, head cocked to the side as you really start to wonder if this man is about to make you drive his car costing more than your life.

“are you getting in, y/n?” he asks, an amused smile pulling at his lips - almost like he’s making fun of your nervous, intimidated disposition.

you shake your head of the confusion, cheeks flushing in the cold december air as you do an awkward jog toward the car. you dip in beside him as your body hits the cool leather, craning your neck to shoot him a small, grateful smile.

your faces are closer than you anticipated, breath catching in your throat as his gaze watches you closely.

he doesn’t say a word or move a muscle, taking a few moments for his eyes to roam your face and body before mumbling to buckle up.

you wish you knew how long the drive to the store would be, as it would slightly settle you and the thick, awkward tension in the air. it appears to be enough time for the heat to go on, warm air blowing from the vents before he asks if you want your seat heater on.

“oh, sure, thank you,” you mumble, a smile quirking on his lips as he presses down on the small circular button.

more silence lingers in the air as the trees outside you pass by, the bright winter sun and blue sky not making it feel like christmas is only a few days away.

you can’t remember the last time the holidays have actually felt like it, though, all the lonely days blending into one and feeling as if they were the same.

maybe this year, because you’re surrounded by eunbi and her family, it’ll feel less lonely. maybe you’ll actually enjoy yourself and find that you’ve missed out when you denied her invitation each and every-

“i’m sorry about my wife last night.”

those are words you don’t expect so they shock you even more, looking at the older man beside you with a wide-eyed, confused gaze. his dark eyes are expressionless and casual on the road, one hand on the wheel while the other rests beside him.

“i... what do you mean?” you ask, knowing damn well you understand his apology - and given the unamused look he throws you, he knows you’re full of shit too.

“i don’t think she means to judge you so harshly,” he begins, his deep, smooth voice full of sympathy and softness. “it’s not her place to question your education or major, so i just want to apologize for her.”

“that’s not necessary, mr. park,” you insist, shaking your head as a small, breathy chuckle leaves you. “and it’s not like i haven’t heard it before.”

because no one is ever too confident in any of the arts being your main source of income or profession; even your own parents, although it really wouldn’t matter what you would have chosen, haven’t been supportive.

and you especially haven’t missed the looks of pity or distaste when you tell people on campus or at parties in the frat house, future business leaders or stem majors looking at you like just said the sky is hot pink.

“well that’s just ridiculous,” seonghwa says, ripping you from your thoughts so you can roam over his strong, handsome face. “it’s a great field to work in and something you’re passionate about. that’s what matters most.”

he can tell by the way your cheeks flush that you’re slightly embarrassed and he can’t help but find it endearing, licking over his lips as his mind begins to wander.

wonder about what other parts of you could flush so easily or what else he could say to really make the pinkness deepen.

“i guess,” you mutter, shrugging your shoulders as you look at the passing oak trees and mansions.

“and... what you said last night about traveling to build my portfolio,” you begin, shocked by the words continuing to leave your mouth. “that’s something i’ve thought about doing. i think it’d be really fun, regardless if i did wedding photographer or not.”

“yeah?” he asks, the smile on his face causing your head to jump. “i think that’d be good, too. where would you wanna go first?”

your lips purse to the side as you think it over, a love for traveling anywhere you could but having an especially strong pull toward the tropics.

“cancun or the maldives,” you answer, the financial aspect of the trip leaving it most likely impossible for you. “it’ll probably never happen, because i’d have to sell my first born, but i’ve always wanted to go somewhere like that. somewhere tropical and fun.”

seonghwa bites his tongue about his multiple trips there, instead letting out a chuckle that causes butterflies to erupt. his eyes are too drawn to your body in the front seat, legs crossed and arms over your lap politely.

“you never know,” he hums, ripping his gaze away before you catch his gawking. “you might get there one day, after being the best wedding photographer the city has to offer.”

“oh, please,” you glggle out, cheeks flushing despite the absurdity of the comment.

you catch the smile that creeps on his face, the same handsome, carefree smile you saw in the car last time.

you try not to let it get to you, let your brain convince you that maybe he likes hanging out with you alone as much as you like it too.

“i’m serious,” he says, the earnest tone of his voice slipping into dad mode in a way he doesn’t even realize. “your parents must be proud.”

you bite down on your lip as you let out a soft, almost scornful, chuckle, a quietly mumbled “yeah,” leaving your mouth that causes his eyebrows to pull together.

he always thought it was a little suspicious that in the four years eunbi has known you, she’s never told him about your parents; as far as he knows, she’s never even seen them.

“she has her scholarship and stuff so she doesn’t really need them,” his daughter said one day, the two of them discussing why you were spending yet another break alone in the apartment.

“but they don’t want her home for the holidays? you told her she was welcomed, right?”

“ugh, about a thousand times,” his daughter groans in the seat, throwing herself against the window dramatically. “i basically begged her, dad, but she said she didn’t wanna intrude. i’m telling you it’s because mom is the biggest fucking-”

“eunbi...”

“you know it’s true!” she squeals, seonghwa biting his tongue in an effort to be the bigger and better parent. “i don’t even know why you guys got married.”

but that’s what happens with teen pregnancies and rich families. how they were destined to marry anyway, due to their parents companies and stupid business politics.

it was one drunken night at his dad’s company party and a broken condom that sealed his fate with finality - made him go from a single, carefree high school student to a married businessman with a child just two short years later.

his wife was good at one point he likes to think, remembering she was gorgeous and sassy and not like the other girls who would drop to their knees for him.

but marriage and a child and just life quickly caught up with them, already trapped in a loveless, pointless marriage by the time he hit 25.

he’d be lying if he said he didn’t stay for eunbi, that they both didn’t stay for eunbi throughout her childhood and now just grew too used to being an unhappy married couple who live separate lives.

there was never any reason for them to divorce though, no one serious in his or his wife’s lives and the hassle of money and disputing houses and cars and assets far too draining.

“i don’t believe i’ve ever met them,” seonghwa says, pulling into the store parking lot to see it’s less crowded than he suspected it’d be. “what do they do?”

you couldn’t imagine anything more unbearable than disclosing to your friend’s hot dad who you may or may not have feelings for about the messed up relationship with your parents.

it just screams daddy issues, which might say a lot about your very attraction to him in the first place.

“they run a little restaurant back in my home town. it’s about three hours from campus, which is why i don’t really go home for breaks.”

seonghwa hums lowly, nodding his head as he looks at you at a stop sign.

you’re unnerved by the way his eyes roam you, like he can see signs of you being uncomfortable about your parents and wants to know why - but why would he care? you’re only his daughter’s roommate.

“do you miss seeing them?”

you lick over your lips nervously, watching as his eyes darken every so slightly.

he watches each and every of your movements carefully, so in tune with your reactions and breaths you can just feel yourself getting more and more worked up.

not in the slightest, you wanna say. i’ll probably never see them again and have no qualms about it, mr. park.

“i suppose,” you mutter, shrugging your shoulders as you apprehensively meet his gaze.

“you suppose?” he asks, concern etched on his face. “when was the time you’ve seen them? since your freshmen year?”

you avert your gaze as your teeth sink into your bottom lip, in no way wanting to have this discussion at ten a.m. when, much to your pleasure, an impatient car behind beeps at seonghwa’s mercedes.

his dark eyes move to the rearview mirror, narrowed and irritated in a way you can’t help but think is sexy, before he puts his foot off the break and turns into the parking lot.

“i think this person’s leaving,” you mutter when you notice another car go in reverse, seonghwa snatching the spot before the impatient, crotchety lady behind him could steal it.

you can’t help but smirk as seonghwa eyes her when you get out of the car, giving him a look that’s half judgmental and half amused.

“what? she beeped at me.”

“aren’t you supposed to be, like, an adult?”

he rolls his eyes as he takes a cart from the pile, nodding his head for you to go in front and “stop talking back to an elder.”

you can’t help but smirk at his playfulness, taking your spot in the front and pretending as if you always move your hips this much when you walk casually; you would’ve felt embarrassed, had you not turned around a few moments later to see his eyes already on you.

“where to first, mr. park?”

he has to bite back the groan threatening to leave his mouth, reminding himself to keep himself in check this month - starting tomorrow.

“depends, y/n,” he hums, voice far too deep and sultry to be surrounded by innocent bystanders in the grocery store. “what do you want?”

words are caught in your throat and you can only stare dumbly, your plan quickly back firing as he appears to do the same - but it’s gotta be in your head, right?

regardless, it quickly humbles you in the form of a small, unsure shrug.

it’s how you two start walking up and down the aisles, seonghwa putting in what he remembers and items on his mental list while also insisting you put in anything you want.

your arms bump ever so often, softly apologizing and acknowledging it the first few times before you both realize it may be happening on purpose.

you stick close to him when the aisles get tight and crowded, his deep voice telling you to “go ahead,” causing you to swallow shakily. you feel the presence of his hand just a few inches from your hips, lingering and hovering but never fully touching.

it’s finally when you’re in the bread aisle, seonghwa a few feet away talking to the man at the bakery counter, that you decide to put something in the cart.

you would usually never accept someone’s offer to buy you something, already feeling bad about staying with them rent free and eating their meals without compensating.

but the brioche loaf brand is one of your favorites, only sold on occasion at the corner store near campus.

you press up on your tippy toes to grab the bag of bread, stretching your arm up with all your might. the plastic slips through your fingers just as you’re about to snatch it down, letting out an annoyed huff as you pulled down your sweater dress.

you mumble your annoyances before trying again, back on the tips of your toes with your arm raising when you feel a hand on the small of your back.

it’s large and warm and seeping through the thin material of your burgundy dress, a snappy protest about to leave your mouth when you catch mr. park’s face in your peripheral.

there’s a content look on his face as he takes the bag with ease, holding it above your head as his hand moves from your back to your waist with a gentle touch.

you look at him with wide eyes and a pounding heart, his hand on your waist so foreign and strange but... good. something you didn’t even realize you’d been craving until it happened.

the strength and warmth of his hand, though if you think about it just enough, you can feel the weight of his wedding band through the fabric.

“is this what you wanted?”

his voice is deep and low as he speaks to you and you alone, your eyes raising to see him staring down at you. you can’t make out the expression in them, just the darkness in his eyes and the frantic beating of your heart.

you can’t even being to understand the context of his words right now because, yes, this is exactly what you’ve wanted - but he doesn’t know that, right?

“w-what?”

he can’t help the smirk that crosses his face, all sorts of pride and satisfaction and arousal coursing through his veins at your current disposition.

“the bread,” he says, stepping back and holding it out to you. “is this the one you wanted?”

your eyes narrow as you look at him, the smirk on his face, the amusement in his gaze, the playfulness that’s radiating off him - is he fucking with you?

“oh... i... yes,” you finally say, coming to your senses and not allowing yourself to think this way anymore. “that’s the one. i hope it’s okay.”

“of course,” he hums, placing the bread in the cart before going back to the front handles. “you can get anything you want, i already told you that.”

you nod dumbly as you follow beside him, seonghwa picking more things off the shelves and muttering the list to himself as you try to get your shit together.

because yes, you’re attracted to him and yes, you’ve found yourself alone with him for more than two days in a row and yes, there’s been some lingering looks and touches but that doesn’t mean anything.

you can’t let your own deluded thoughts and desires get in the way of reality.

the reality that he’s your friend and roommate’s married father and you’re a college student. he doesn’t want you just as much as you shouldn’t want him so what’s the problem here?

maybe it’s that you’re a 22-year-old woman who’s only been on a handful of dates.

that the last time you made out with someone was when you were drunk and dared to kiss the first guy that walked through the bar (luckily, somewhat attractive and surprisingly polite).

that, maybe, you’re so horribly touch-starved and aching for affection, you’re trying to find it in a hot father figure who’s just as kind as he sexy - and that, you think, is the second most tragic thing here.

because the first would absolutely be thinking that any of this, any of these stares or touches or coincidences of eunbi leaving you two alone, means something.

means that maybe this break is for you two is create an attraction and build some sort of bond and-

“y/n.”

you’re barely able to register seonghwa’s voice before his arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling your body into his taller one and having you pressed up right against him.

you were so lost in thought of him that you didn’t see the older women skirting her cart around the aisle quickly, phone pressed to her ear as she yells to her husband about the christmas ham.

you’re not even sure if she shoots you a look of sorrow or utters any apology, too consumed and distracted by the feeling and proximity of mr. park.

his arm wrapped around you, your body pressed flush up against him, his neck craned down to look at you with a building... something in his eyes. playfulness and teasing but also something darker, something that makes your stomach swoop and renders you unable to move.

“are you always so clumsy and distracted?” he mumbles lowly, his deep voice quiet for only you two to hear - like he knows even in a sea of strangers, he has to keep these interactions quiet.

“what would you do if i wasn’t here to help you, y/n?”

i wouldn’t have been distracted in the first place, you’re tempted to say - but you certainly don’t wanna open that can of worms, especially not in the middle of this grocery store with the way your heart is pounding.

“i... i’m sorry, i was distracted,” you mutter, playing up the damsel in distress just a little bit. “my mistake, mr. park.”

he licks over his lips, swearing his name just being spoken has never effected him like this. he doesn’t even know where this attraction came from, seeing you leave the dorm building yesterday morning and something in his body jumping at the sight of you.

maybe it’s just showing how unhappy he really is with his life, living day to day to just work. hang out with his friends and go to sleep alone - he doesn’t remember the last time his wife touched him, looked at him like she wanted him or made any move to be with him.

he just knows that you showed up, looking so pretty and wide-eyed and coy, and is now about to lose his mind.

“it’s alright,” he says, hoping you don’t hear the thick tension he hears in his own voice, like he’s some idiotic, hormonal young boy. “i think we only have a few more aisles left, anyway.”

he plucks the remaining items off the shelves before you both make your way to the self check-out, him scanning and you bagging because “eunbi says if my career as a photographer fails, i could be the best grocery bagger ever.”

“that’s just because she puts the bread on the bottom,” seonghwa mutters, a smile on your face as you nod your head - she squished one too many of your brioche loafs before you realized bagging just wasn’t for her.

your fingers graze ever so often, the coldness of his tips a stark contrast to your warmer ones.

a particularly big, bulk bag of vegetables proves to be a challenge for you, working through the packed bag with some difficulty. you let out an annoyed groan as you play a dangerous game of tetris, trying not to rip open the brown paper bag.

you finally get the box inside, a little bit prouder than you care to admit, when your precious brioche loaf is dropped right atop. you look up at seonghwa to see him already apologizing, your brow raised as you look at the older man in confusion.

did he think your hand was out? why would he just throw the food at you?

but it’s only when you feel a little more air than normal on your chest that you see what could’ve possibly caused the distraction, the white lace from your bra sticking out.

your cleavage in this dress was hidden for the most part, only becoming a little more obvious when you moved around or packed a shitload of groceries. it makes you bite back a smirk as you put two and two together, looking up to see his eyes still lingering over you.

two can play at this game mr. park.

“mr. park,” you begin, feigning a certain kind of innocence as you place your bread atop the other groceries and finally look up at him. “are you always so clumsy?”

it takes a few seconds for a smile to pull at his lips, the tick in his jaw not going unnoticed to you - so maybe this wasn’t all in your head. maybe he wants you too... possibly.

“you’re funny, y/n,” he mumbles, a smile pulling at your lips as he takes out his black card. “i guess i was distracted, too.”

you swallow the lump in your throat as you feel the slightest hint of arousal run through you, shaking it off and letting out a forced, girlish chuckle.

you pack the car a few minutes later without any lingering eyes or touches, seonghwa telling you about the meals they plan on cooking for christmas.

they usually don’t make their own food for holidays but decided to have a more traditional set up for you and eunbi’s arrival - he also hasn’t cooked a meal for his family in god knows how long.

“that’ll be great, thank you,” you tell him, clicking your seatbelt in as he backs out the spot. “i’m kind of a picky eater but i’ll eat anything you guys provide me.”

“and you have the whole brioche loaf,” seonghwa says, a giggle leaving your mouth as you nod your head.

“true. it’s really good.”

“i’ve never tried, perhaps you’d be willing to-”

his wife’s name popping up on his car dashboard acts as a way to bring you back to reality, brings a certain kind of silence over the both of you for a few seconds.

like he wasn’t just rubbing his body against yours and you weren’t just flirting with him in the form of smirking lips and snarky comments.

you watch a twinge of annoyance behind seonghwa’s eyes, gaze roaming over the screen as if he’s in contemplation before muttering “one second.”

“hello?”

“where are you?” her voice snaps in annoyance, “i told you we had that board meeting at one.”

“and it’s only noon,” his deep voice mumbles, not matching her level of irritation but sounding a whole lot different than a few seconds ago. “me and y/n are coming back now.”

“y/n?” she spats, like it’s a disgusting piece of food she wouldn’t dare put in her mouth. “what about eunbi?”

“she went off with jiwoon before i could get her in the car.”

“so it was only you two?” she asks, the snide judgment and underlying tone in her voice causing your stomach to churn. “did she ask you to buy a bunch of-”

“i’ll be home in twenty and then be on my way over,” he says, cutting her off and hanging up before she can even get another word you.

your stomach churns and a sick feeling comes over you, her utter dislike and disdain for you causing you to bite your lip.

because not only does she not like you to be with her daughter, she doesn’t want you with her husband (although, you suppose, you can’t really blame her for that one).

“i’m sorry about that,” seonghwa winces, the silence lingering between you two heavy. “you could’ve gotten anything you wanted, y/n. this is your christmas too. don’t feel bad about anything, okay?”

you swallow the lump in your throat, your gaze moving to his as he stops at the red light.

your eyes lingering over his and his doing the very same, hand twitching to reach out and move the piece of hair from your slightly flushed face.

and there was something about the way you were both looking at each other, eyes so focused and unwavering and honest, that had you thinking maybe all of this wasn’t in your heads.

but it didn’t mean either of you could act on it - they were just... feelings of lust and wonder and all things forbidden, not seriously believing that a relationship like this could unfold right under the nose of his wife, his daughter and your roommate.

unless the pull was so desperate.

so overwhelming and all-consuming and present between the both of you, little moments couldn’t help but happen.

strike one:

with none other than eunbi as a distraction, the girl promising she wasn’t gonna leave you alone anymore, you were able to take your mind off everything.

the tension-filled, heart pounding moments with mr. park that felt just as wrong as they did right.

you spent a few nights going out with her, jiwoon and all of their high school friends, a surprisingly nice group of young adults who you got along well with.

they were loud and crazy and did far too many shots but they also seemed to be genuinely kind. even the boy who was flirting with you all night, handsome and tall with pretty dark eyes, acted as a good distraction.

grinding up against him as the music pounded throughout the bar, alcohol coursing through your veins allowing you to forget about the older man who’s been living in your head for almost a week now.

“how have i never met you before, y/n?” the boy mumbled lowly in your ear, your head against his shoulder carelessly.

but it was right there in that moment, him saying your name, that the moment was over.

because it just didn’t sound like seonghwa, as delusional as that was.

it didn’t get your heart racing or lips quirking the same way it did when you heard the older man say it. the smile attached to his handsome, mature face and the deep, lowly spoken tone that always held a hint of teasing and sincerity.

“but danny really is so freakin’ nice!” eunbi squeals to you on christmas eve, the two of you in her immaculately white and modern kitchen prepping the chocolate chip cookie cough for tomorrow.

“and you two seemed to be getting along, i saw your ass all up on him.”

“eunbi, that wasn’t me. that was the vodka. i don’t know who that girl was.”

she throws her head back as a loud chuckle leaves her, telling you again that she warned you her snobby, rich little friends have been able to handle their liquor since middle school.

it’s how they cope, she had said, unloved kids with more money than god learning to deal with the world of limitless funds and minimal parental supervision.

“well he hasn’t stopped asking me about you, you know,” she hums, her eyebrows quirked suggestively as she mixes the bowl of ingredients lazily.

“and not just because of your newfound grinding skills, which by the way, are usually learned by the tenth grade.”

your eyes narrow at her comment, throwing a small ball of dough at her that she, impressively, catches in her mouth.

“he really is just, like, so taken by you, y/n. seriously. i told him that you’re graduating this year with a degree in photography and he nearly came in his pants. he loves the artsy girls.”

“you are so vile,” you snort out, shaking your head at the girl sitting criss-crossed on the counter. “and stop saying that. we both know i’m not graduating this year,” you mumble, her face falling pathetically.

“i told you we’re gonna find a way,” she whines lowly, looking at you with all kinds of sympathy and sadness in her eyes - she would offer to pay for you, if she didn’t think you would smack her upside the head.

“oh and what? is my new boyfriend danny gonna do that for me?”

“in exchange for more grinding and a photoshoot, i think. do you want me to try?”

she lets out another giggle despite the way you pinch her leg, peeking inside the bowl with a surprising amount of pride.

"this looks good,” you mumble, swiping your finger to collect some of the chocolate dough.

“hey!” she whines brattily, thrusting a spoon toward your hand just a second too late.

“why are you whining in here like a child, eunbi?” seonghwa asks, walking through the entryway and the large, white island in the center. “what are you making? please don’t burn the house down.”

“haha dad, you’re so funny,” she mocks sarcastically, jumping down from the counter with her hands on her hips. “where are the baking sheets?”

a simple shrug from her father causes her to roll her eyes, grumbling about how she was really trying to avoid her bitch of a mother today. he holds back his smirk, about to reprimand her before she’s out the kitchen and shouting for her mother upstairs.

it’s only you and seonghwa in the kitchen now, a heavy silence in the air as you stand there dumbly - bowl beside you, cookie dough adorning the top of your finger.

“what are you girls making?” he finally asks, his body moving closer and closer causing you to swallow.

“i... uh, cookie dough. for tomorrow,” you say, lifting your finger and wiggling the tip full of batter. “chocolate chip.”

his eyes move to your finger before grazing over your mouth, his tongue peeking out ever so slightly as he reminds himself to act right.

he hasn’t been alone with you since that day at the food store, just seeing you in passing in the hallways or outside the house as you and eunbi went to and fro.

he hears your giggles at night and tired groans in the morning, quietly yelling at his daughter to wake up and get her ass out of bed.

and he knows it’s probably for the better, that you two don’t find yourselves alone with each other, but he can’t help but feel a rush of excitement right now.

you watch as he moves closer, with the same wide-eyed look you’ve been giving him since he first saw you in your apartment weeks ago.

“ahh, you’re making it from scratch? that’s ambitious.”

“yeah, we googled a recipe,” you tell him, finger still beside you in the air.

you don’t know what causes you to be so bold, maybe him attempting to carry out a normal conversation even though he’s looking at you with so much lust and desire, but you can’t stop once you start.

“how’s it taste?” he asks, his voice deep and slightly strained as he nods his head toward your finger.

you don’t even bat an eye as you slip the tip of your finger in your mouth slowly, swirling your tongue around as you take up all the dough on your skin.

it’s sweeter than you originally thought it’d be but it tastes good nonetheless, keeping your eyes on him as you reamin as innocent and unassuming as possible.

“it’s good,” you say, dropping your finger like you didn’t just make a show of licking and sucking it. “i like it better raw.”

you don’t even realize your words until you see the fleeting look on his face, tongue swiping across his lip and eyes hardening. they roam you so slowly and darkly, you can’t control the growing butterflies and swooping in your lower stomach.

“mm, me too,” he hums lowly, the hardening of his cock in his pants something he hasn’t felt in forever. it’s taking everything in him to control himself, from his eyes popping out of his head to letting out the deepest of growls in the back of his throat.

“do you want some?” you ask, cocking your head to the side questioningly.

he has to desperately hold on to his composure, not think about how easy it’d be to pin you against the cabinet right behind you. take just a few steps closer, have your back against the cold granite and let you feel just how much he wants some.

but he has to play it cool, push down these building desires and ignore your teasing because he’s almost fucking positive that’s what’s happening here.

“want some what?” he asks, his voice lowering just a tad.

he hasn’t played a game like this since college, watching as your eyes widen and brow quirks up.

but he sees that’s exactly what it is when you turn around and face the bowl of cookie dough to him, a smile just as sweet as the cookies on your face.

“cookie dough. before we put them in the oven and possibly burn them.”

the breathy chuckle he lets out leaves your stomach in shambles, his tongue peeking out and poking the inside of his cheek causing a swooping sensation to flood through you.

but before he can even think to say anything, before your eyes can look over his body and make you feel even more warm and bothered, eunbi floats back in and fiddles in the cabinets for the baking sheets.

“that woman is too much, i swear,” she grunts, whipping out the materials quickly before her head snaps to her father. “why are you still here?”

“i wanted some cookies. and to ensure y/n won’t allow you do burn down the kitchen.”

“it was one time, dad, and an accident. how many times do i have to defend myself in this house?”

you let out a giggle as you look from eunbi to seonghwa, your roommate turning her back to set up the practice baking session.

“let’s go bitch! i hope we didn’t fuck this up.”

seonghwa’s eyes roam over you for a few more moments, his tongue swiping across his lips before, finally, leaving the kitchen with his dick hard as a rock.

strike two:

christmas consisted of successful cookies per your and eunbi’s homemade batch, passive aggressive comments from mrs. park about your degree and a whole fuck ton of sexual energy between you and seonghwa.

you could almost always feel when his gaze was boring into you, when you got up to take more mashed potatoes or kept your attention on eunbi as she told her parents about what job she wants to start at next semester.

it’s also when eunbi almost let it slip about your scholarships, had you not viciously pinched her arm and caused a pained cry to leave her mouth - if you ever thought jiwoon was gonna verbally assault you, it was certainly in that moment.

“why did you pinch me so hard?” she whined later that night, jiwoon passed out on the couch after five too many homemade cookies. “look at my bruise.”

a genuine frown crosses your lips as you look at her arm, rubbing her skin gently as you mumble your soft spoken apologies.

“i’m sorry but i just... i didn’t want your mom to know that,” you say back just as whiney and pathetic. “she already thinks i’m an incompetent idiot. knowing i have to wait a whole year because i’m broke is just too embarrassing.”

it’s an admission that, while eunbi already suspected that, still makes her feel bad - it nearly makes her wanna cry, that you don’t feel welcomed and loved in her home because her mom has to be a judgmental bitch.

“y/n...”

“bi, it’s fine, oh, my god do not cry right now,” you grumble, flicking her in the head lightly.

“i just feel bad,” she cries lowly, moving hrself closer to you and away from her boyfried. “it’s not fair, y/n. you worked so hard and now you have to wait. how could they do this to you?”

a small, touched smile crosses your face at eunbi as you shake your head, dabbing at her watery eyes.

if jiwoon wakes up, he’s literally gonna beat my ass,” you say, smiling when a wet giggle leaves eunbi; you don’t want this time to be sad or upsetting. “i thought he was gonna hit me at dinner.”

“okay if he’s hitting anything, it’s gonna be my-”

“no. no, no, no.”

the snort that leaves her mouth doesn’t help the sinking feeling in her stomach, looking at you with a frown still adorning her face.

“i’m sorry if my mom’s making you feel uncomfortable. she does it to every single person ever and i don’t-”

“it’s fine, please stop apologizing for her,” you say, the sinking reminder in the back of your mind that seonghwa had been doing the very same thing - apologizing for that woman.

“i know she’s stressing you out, too. we’re in it together.”

“that’s true,” she sighs, letting out a long, dramatic groan before resting her head on your shoulder. “i’m so bloated, i don’t think i’m ever gonna be able to eat again.”

and it was funny that, days after the holiday, eunbi was still convinced that she was bloated from christmas dinner.

“babe, i don’t even think that’s possible,” jiwoon consoled her, you and him sitting in her room as she gets ready to go down to the pool.

because, naturally, like everyone in this godforsaken rich town, they get ready to go to the pool that’s inside of their homes; when eunbi told you to pack a bathing suit back at your apartment, you looked at her like she was insane.

until she clarified that her pool is heated and, conveniently, indoors.

“just through the backyard,” she had said - and she truly meant it.

just a few yards away from the main deck area, with floor to ceiling glass windows that showcase the extravagant landscaping and, of course, the outdoor pool and jacuzzi just a few feet away.

“eunbi, this is insane,” you say, marveling at the sight before you.

“don’t you wish you came sooner?” she asks with a wink, your eyes rolling as you place down your towel.

you had the option to bring two bathing suits - a skimpy black one you don’t remember being so scandalous or a red one you remember eunbi insisting you buy last summer.

and you just knew it was because danny was coming, currently showcasing his impressive eight pack that, truly, just doesn’t do it for you - maybe if he was twenty years older, apparently, and somebody’s father and husband.

you shake the thoughts out of your head, walking a few steps toward the pool before eunbi tackles you from behind. you both land with a loud splash, followed by the excited shouts and loud splashes of her other friends.

you’d be lying if you said you could remember the last time you had this much fun, splashing and giggling and acting so carefree despite the many challenges you’ll have to face soon.

but that’s not any of your concern right now, currently sitting atop danny’s shoulders and trying to knock down eunbi in a game of chicken.

“you little bitch! get your nails out of me!”

“coming from the girl who literally just tried to choke me two seconds ago!”

“like it’s your first time being choked!”

and you don’t know whether jiwoon was shocked by you saying that statement or the fact that his girlfriend exposes all of her sexual kinks to you but alas, it did the trick in sealing you a victory.

a smug smile on your face as danny jumps up and down in excitement, your body bouncing and nearly falling over him had you not gripped onto his shoulders.

it’s at that time eunbi pops up from the water, hair a soaking mess and mascara running down her face. she’s about to open her mouth, probably to yell at you, before a volleyball is thrown through the air and just misses her face.

instead, it hits danny square in the head. the boy letting out a yelp before you promptly fall backwards in the water, hearing eunbi’s shrill squeal and giggle on your way down.

you pop up and throw her a dirty look, danny rubbing at the back of his side before apologizing profusely.

“it’s okay,” you giggle out, about to say you shouldn’t have been up there for so long before eunbi’s squealing in the air.

“dad, what the hell kind of aim was that!”

you feel your body stiffen before you quickly shoot around, none another than mr. park standing there looking as handsome as ever.

he puts the young men around you to shame, good-looking, muscular college boys who anyone in their right mind would find attractive - but they just don’t beat him.

his striking eyes or tall, lean stature or the fact that he’s just so fucking-

“got worse with age, bi, what can i say?” he chuckles, extra white fluffy towels in his hold that he places on the chair. “sorry, danny.”

seonghwa’s known danny for a few years now, one of jiwoon’s friends who seems... alright. not a bad guy but also not a good guy - just kind of there; but it didn’t occur to the man just how much he was bothered by him until he saw you on his shoulders.

because he could’ve put you in danger, of course. put you in danger at his house where if things got bad, he’d be responsible; as for the ball, it merely slipped from his finger tips.

“no problem mr. park,” the kid smiles, the other friends gathering around and looking at him expectantly. “we’re gonna play a round of volleyball. you in?”

“no. no dads allowed,” eunbi whines, seonghwa rolling his eyes at his bratty adult daughter.

“why not? because i’m better than all of you, eunbi?”

“oh please,” she grumbles lowly, rolling her eyes and grabbing you to lead you toward the stairs. “you know what, we’re going in the hot tub anyway. since she decided to rock my shit in chicken. enjoy my father traitors,” eunbi grumbles to jiwoon and his friends.

“i did not,” you protest weakly, feeling two pairs of eyes on you as you make your way out of the pool with your friend.

the first thing that strikes seonghwa, apart from the major twitch in his pants, is how skimpy your bikini is.

red bottoms with thin straps holding it up, a matching red top showcasing cleavage and beauty marks on your chest and all the things that are proving to drive him fucking crazy upon seeing you every day.

it’s taking everything in him to control the growing ache in his shorts, your eyes looking at him so coyly and attentively that you’re ignoring the college boy gawking at you right in front of him.

there’s a certain sort of twisted pride in his chest, you giving him attention and seemingly reciprocating his interest, when there’s someone younger right there for you.

younger and unmarried and more suitable for you. someone you can actually be with where it wouldn’t be considered dirty or wrong or secretive; but maybe that’s why you’re both drawn to it in the first place.

that, and because you’re both really hot.

“he’s literally hot, y/n! why don’t you like him?” eunbi whines to you, the two of you sitting across from one another in the hot tub outside.

the december air is crisp but feels nice comapred to the steaming water you’re gratefully submerged in. anything to take you away from mr. park shirtless and wet in the pool right now.

“i do like him, bi,” you mutter, trying your best to convince her and now seem suspicious.

“okay, yeah, as a person but who cares about that!” she whines, flopping her hands dramatically in the water. “you don’t want him to rail you.”

“eunbi!” you squeak, splashing in her direction as a warm, embarrassed blush rises to your cheeks.

“i’m serious y/n. you’ve never been railed before and danny’s such a good option. he’s hot and he’s sweet and he’s so pathetically into you, it’s a little sick.”

you don’t know what to say so you don’t say anything, shooting her a look that screams can we please not talk about this because you don’t know how much i actually wanna be railed by your father so let’s stop this discussion.

but she only rolls her eyes, moving herself closer to you so she can tug at your arm annoyingly.

“is he just not your type?” she questions, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion for a few moments before utter shock crosses her face.

“wait, what is your type? it’s... men, right? have i been hooking you up with the wrong gender this whole time?” she asks in disbelief, “could we have been hooking up this whole time?”

you press your lips together so you don’t burst out laughing, dryly replying “yes, eunbi, i’m into men.”

but the more you think about it, the more you think maybe you don’t have a type.

“and i’ve... never really thought about it before, to be honest. i just know i’m not into like... frat guys or whatever.”

because any party you’d been to, any douchey college guy wearing a backwards hat or cut off shirt, you had never been more disinterested. you couldn’t ever picture yourself falling for someone like that, romantically or sexually.

the one time you remember thinking someone was hot was when you took film and lit with your 31-year-old professor.

“so older guys?” eunbi concludes after hearing that, a smirk on her face as she raises her eyebrows playfully. “we gotta scope out some golf courses or retirement homes?”

“please,” you scoff, a giggle leaving her mouth as she throws her head back gleefully.

“okay, really though, i’ll tell danny you’re not interested and to stop trying so hard if you’re really not interested.”

but maybe danny as a distraction will be good.

will make you see that, perhaps, someone single and your own age and not your best friend’s father will be good thing for you to explore.

so you shrug lightheartedly, the smirk on your face causing eunbi to let out a low “oooh shit.”

you look over at her and your smile only widens when she knocks your shoulder, saying that you’re looking to be a play girl and drain a rich, lovesick man of some christmas presents.

“yeah, right! why drain a rich man when i can drain my best friend,” you tease, looking around her yard and still in astonishment that this is really her life. “i mean, two pools? is that really necessary?”

“three actually. there’s one behind the guest house on the other side. a small one. very humble.”

“oh, a small one, okay. great.”

she lets out another giggle, the two of you talking over plans for new years eve.

you might go up to jiwoon’s parents house in the mountains for the weekend, spend the time drinking with the small group of friends you’ve come to genuinely like over these past few weeks.

“it’s only two hours away so it won’t be that bad either,” she says, getting up to shake the hot water off her arms. “i’ll be right back, i have to pee.”

you nod your head, grateful she didn’t piss in the pool and allowing yourself to sit there, eyes closed, body relaxed, in the silence.

you can hear the faint screams of the boys from the indoor pool area and the swish of the hot tub filter, peeking open your eyes when, suddenly, you think you hear a boom of thunder in the distance.

you watch the sky darkening and clouds coming in, signaling a storm is coming in soon and quick. a sigh leaves your mouth, enjoying your last few moments of peace before finally standing in the hot tub.

the crisp winter air blows and sends goosebumps up your arms, a shiver running through your body as you attempt to splash some hot water on your upper body.

you don’t know how you know someone’s watching you but you do, some sort of strange intuition within you looking up to see none other than mr. park standing a few feet away from the hot tub.

his dark hair is wet and hanging in his face, swimming trunks soaked and his exposed chest still dripping chlorine water.

you press your lips together as your eyes roam his chest, a hint of abs on his lean stomach that causes a small, strangled groan to leave your mouth - you will never understand how this man is pushing 40.

but the same way you’re looking at him, he’s looking at you.

water covering your body, currently hunched over trying to warm the rest of your body; but it’s when you stand he really starts to gawk, your figure standing full and tall and giving him a perfect view of your hardening nipples from the cold crisp air.

you can see the lust in his eyes the same way you know he can and you’re about to do something to just make him crack. mistakingly untie your bottoms, catching them at the last second so he thinks he’s about to get a peak.

or undo the back of your top and pout at him, ask him to please tie it back for you because it’s way too hard to reach behind and do it yourself.

or maybe you’ll just drop to your knees right there, try to see if there’s any hint of a bulge in his swimming trunk bottoms and-

his body is gone just as fast as he arrived, confusion covering your face before you shake your head of your perverted thoughts - dropping to your knees when his daughter and wife are right here, what the fuck is wrong with you today?

you blame eunbi, all her talk about getting railed when you’ve been wanting to jump her father’s bones.

you carefully make your way out of the hot tub, not wanting to eat shit and scarp your leg on the concrete.

it feels like you’re about to freeze in the cold, another shiver wracking your body before you turn to stick your cold, goosebump-ridden arms back in the hot tub. it warms you for just a few seconds, a low, satisfied hum leaving your mouth before you hear footsteps coming up from behind you.

something in you tells you it’s him again.

whether it be the way your body heats up and feels prickly, the obvious feeling of eyes burning into your exposed back causing you to remain still and oblivious.

but you can longer remain oblivious a few seconds later, when a tall body is just a few inches away from completely pressing against you.

“you forgot a towel,” is all he says, placing it on the wet rim of the hot tub.

when he leans forward to place the white towel down, he’s careful and meticulous with his movements. brushing up against you every so slightly and carefully that you can feel his hard bulge on your ass for a few seconds too long.

at first you think you’re crazy, feeling what you were trying to envision in your head, but then you absolutely know it there’s.

you can feel the wetness from his bathing suit on your legs, his cock right there resting on the thin, red fabric of your bikini bottoms and if you were as weak as you felt inside, if he stayed there just a little bit longer, a moan would’ve absolutely left your mouth.

if you pushed back just a little to feel more of his cock on you, grind your ass his hardness just enough to hear him let out a low groan or maybe curse a little.

but he moves away, almost like he knew the perfect amount of time before that happened and almost like he did it by accident - but when you turn around and see the look in his eyes, you know it wasn’t.

the same way he can see a palpable desire and surprise and tension in your gaze, causing him to suppress a growing smirk. it makes you wanna tease him back in whatever way you can but you know that eunbi’s due back from the bathroom at any moment.

so you only cock your head to the side, lick over your lower lip carefully as you grasp the towel in your hands gently.

“thank you, mr. park,” you say, your voice as airy and sweet as you can possibly make it without sounding like an idiot.

“you’re welcome, y/n,” he says, taking a few steps back as his eyes lock on you. he stays there for a few moments until he hears the door to the pool house open.

you watch his lustful, dark expression change right then and there, a towel wrapping around his lower body and his face stretching into a happy, father-approved look.

“so you’re good with anything for dinner, y/n?” he asks, his voice loud and clear enough for his approaching daughter to hear. “i know you mentioned you were picky.”

“let’s get pizza!” eunbi screeches through the air, telling seonghwa that everyone’s staying over and they’ll need at least four boxes.

but you can’t even think about pizza right now, not when this moment right here is solidifying the crazy thought in your head that your best friend’s dad wants you just as much as you want him.

you called him out later that night around one a.m., after eunbi and jiwoon were the last to pass out to your scary movie marathon.

the others were sprawled out on the basement floor, an intricate array of blankets and pillows on the floor that you attempted to weave through, both, skillfully and quietly.

there was a dryness in your throat that could only be settled by a cold glass of water, making your way through the house quietly and praying you don’t run into mrs. park.

she’s been just as passive aggressive as she usually is in front of people so you could never imagine being alone with her. wondering what the hell she’d say to you without seonghwa and eunbi as buffers.

you were relieved when the lights were off in the kitchen, padding your way to the fridge to take out a bottle of water. you twist and turn the cap off to gulp down the cold liquid in the refrigerator light, a quiet gasp leaving you as your thirst is quenched.

you briefly consider going up to eunbi’s room to sleep tonight, not sure how you feel about being squished in with eunbi and jiwoon cuddling on the couch, when the light suddenly flicks off.

it causes you to freeze and halt all thoughts, fear running through you for all three seconds before you see seonghwa’s tall, familiar figure pass you. you watch him carefully in the dim light of the fridge, his shirtless chest yet again right in front of your face.

leaned back against the counter across from you, giving you a perfect view of his toned chest and gray sweatpants.

“midnight snack?” he asks, the smirk on his face almost causing you to roll your eyes.

instead, your lips quirk into a small smile. raising your water bottle by your head and shaking it, the water swishing in your pounding ears.

“just water,” you respond quietly, matching his low tone. “i hope that’s okay.”

“that you took water? of course, y/n,” he says, amusement in his gaze as he looks you over.

you’re freshly showered and in a pair of pajamas, matching pink sets that eunbi got you for christmas one year - he remembers because he was with her when she bought it.

a soft smile crosses your face, your back getting cold from the open fridge but not daring to move a muscle. not with him looking at you the way he is and with his body just a few feet away from you.

a silence lingers in the kitchen, you not sure why he’s looking at you and him waiting to see if you say something, before he bites the inside of his cheek.

“i wanted to say sorry about before.”

your eyebrow quirks up, interest so clearly peaked as you cock your head to the side.

“what do you mean?”

a smirk crosses his face as he watches you play dumb, head cocked and eyes wide and everything about you with such mock innocence, he thinks that’s what’s driving him the most crazy.

that you do this shit and say certain things with almost complete unawareness and innocence, if it weren’t for the hidden look of desire and teasing in your eyes.

“you know,” is all he says, his voice dipping and eyes twinging darker, it makes your lower stomach swoop.

a part of is positive, even if you ask, he’s not gonna say it aloud.

he’s not gonna say or acknowledge any of this aloud and make you guys play this game until you leave in a few weeks.

and then when you leave, unsure about your next prospects of college or education or even living arrangements, who knows if you’re ever gonna see him again.

so you only hum lowly, closing the fridge behind you and leaving you both in darkness. the only source of light is from the moon outside, lighting up half the kitchen from the large bay window.

it leaves you both incredibly exposed, anyone from the outside able to see the two seemingly innocent bodies standing toe to toe with each other; but they don’t see the lustful looks and eyes full of desire, both of you so entrapped by the other, it’s obvious with the tension in the air.

“oh, well, then... it’s okay, mr. park,” you say with a smile, taking a step back as your eyes roam his chest one last time. “i didn’t mind.”

you’re about to say goodnight when you see his arm reach out, shocked but oh, so ready ready to give into your desire and feel your body crash against his or your lips connect finally.

moan into his mouth and feel more of his hardness against you - but he only takes the water from your hand, presses his mouth against the plastic rim and swigs down a big gulp.

you watch with wide eyes as his adam’s apple bobs in the moonlight, head tipped back and body perched calmly on the counter as he takes a swig of your water bottle, spit exchanged and his mouth right where yours was.

he pulls back with an unreadable expression, licking the excess water from his lips before simply closing the cap, holding out the bottle and smiling at you with the most wise-ass smirk you’ve ever seen, you’re not sure how you’re ever gonna one up this man.

"sweet dreams, y/n.”

strike 3:

your new years weekend get away turned into an extended stay that consisted of sleeping on a lumpy air mattress, five extra guests and so much alcohol, you’re positive you’re still hungover three days later.

“it wasn’t that... we only did a... i mean it wasn’t like we were....” eunbi says, the two of you laying on her bed nursing headaches and body aches to the severest degree.

“okay, it was pretty bad. we were kind of rowdy and out of control.”

“you don’t say?” you grumble, never one to black out and get that shit faced and then doing it nearly every night - maybe to deal with danny’s pathetic soft looks or whispered sweet nothings to you.

“nothing is working either. not advil or water or greasy food. we might’ve fucked ourselves for life, bi.”

but if there’s one thing that always helped for eunbi, it was a nice, long bath. steaming hot water that burned her skin and the prettiest bath bombs to make the entire bathroom smell of strawberries and cream.

so even though you didn’t want to, nothing more comfortable than eunbi’s king size bed and warm, fluffy comforter, you allowed the girl to drag you to the bathroom down the hall to set up ‘your last resort, hangover paradise.’

it consisted of every type of bath bomb and lotion and bubble bath the luxurious could dream of, sending her out immediately when you saw her sneaking in with a glass of champagne.

“are you crazy?” you ask, dipping your toe in the water to test the temperature. “that’s what started this disaster.”

“fine, more for me!” she squeals happily, turning down the lights and pressing the bluetooth button for your phone’s music. “enjoy. i’ll see you in an hour, completely hangover free.”

“we’ll see about that,” you grumble, your words falling on deaf ears as she locks and closes the door to makes her way back to her ensuite.

and as much as you wanna give eunbi shit for her pompous tactics and techniques for everything in life, you have to say that this is certainly helping.

soaking in the steaming hot water, with cucumbers on your eyes and quiet music playing through the ceiling speakers. the jets in the tub also added another layer of relaxation to it, healing your sore muscles from days of waking up on a hard, wooden floor.

the mirrors were steamed and the room was boiling by the time you got out, stepping on the fuzzy bath mat and drying yourself off with a towel. you had tried not to get your hair wet but it proved useless, your relaxed body sinking further and further down until nearly your whole head was wet.

you stretch your arms above your head as you let out a content groan, feeling the best you’ve felt in three days and ready to take a nap.

but it’s at that moment, looking around the large steaming bathroom, that you realized you didn’t bring a change of clothes in. meaning you’ll know have to walk done the hall and into eunbi’s room in just a towel.

it’s fairly late, almost 11:30, so you’re hoping that her parents are in their rooms and fast asleep by now.

you peak your head out, feeling like a spy in a cheesy action movie as you look up and down the hall. you turn off the light once the coast is clear, walking quietly but quickly down to eunbi’s room - or wing, as it could be considered

you’re almost out of the gate, just a few more steps until you round the corner down eunbi’s hallway, when seonghwa’s tall figure is coming right up the stairs.

his head is down as he looks at his phone, still in his dress shirt and tie from his long day at work. you noticed that after the holidays, he’s been around the house less - working from home when he can but also needing to go into the office more often than not.

he’s at the top of the stairs when he finally notices your figure watching him, wrapped in a towel with a flush on your cheeks and your wet hair dripping on the floor.

it seems to be the thing to break him right now, not able to tear his eyes away or think of any fun, flirty comments to keep you from suppressing the need to roll your eyes.

because his days have been long and stressful and the only thing he needs right now is to just get off - and then there you are like something his prayers have answered, standing there quiet and awestruck at the sight of his loose tie and messy black hair he’s been running his hands through all day.

“h-hi, mr. park,” your quiet voice says, sweet and soft-spoken and utterly apologetic, like you’re embarrassed to be caught in just your towel - and he supposes that would make sense, to feel embarrassed about getting caught like this your friend’s father.

but he can’t find it in himself to care right now, two seconds away from dragging you down to his office so he can finally fuck you over his desk - but he knows that would be the worst decision in the world, for countless reasons.

“hi, y/n,” he grumbles back just as low, leant against the railing with a voice that sounds defeated and gruff.

“are you okay?” you ask, something about his voice and demeanor off.

he has to hold back a strangled laugh, his lips quirking up before he bites down on his lip.

“i’m... i’m fine, thanks. work’s just busy,” he says, a certain part of his chest warming at the fact you even asked - he knows his wife won’t when he walks in their bedroom in a few minutes.

“oh, okay,” you respond, twirling with the end of your towel nervously. “well... i’m sorry to hear that.”

he allows himself to let out a chuckle this time, shaking his head as he looks over your bare, wet face; you’re too pretty for your own good, he’s not even sure you realize just how pretty you are.

just how much he really wants you and just how much he’s coming to like seeing you in his house everyday.

“it’s alright, that’s why you gotta do something you love, right?” he quips, his long fingers up to recreate a camera, pressing down as if to snap a photo.

it cause you to let out a soft, genuine giggle, nodding your head and easing the slight embarrassment of him catching you in a towel.

“right,” you say with a smile, shy smiles and gazes shared until you finally look away in fear of your cheeks warming again.

but it doesn’t stop him from admiring the view of you, your bare face and exposed chest before the towel covers up all the parts he wants to so desperately explore.

he pictures dropping your towel and hearing it fall to the floor with a plop, take in the sight of your perky boobs and hard nipples in the air.

drop his mouth just a little bit to your neck, pressing small kisses against your skin as his fingers knead your nipples, all the quiet moans and breaths to make sure you two don’t get caught shooting right to his cock.

he probably wouldn’t be able to control himself, sliding a finger into you right then and there in the middle of the hallway, pressing your back against the wall to have you trapped against his larger body.

he’d pump his finger in and out of you slowly and tauntingly, hearing how wet you are and feeling how tight you are. it’d be similiar to how this past month has just been both of you taunting and teasing and beating around the bush, occasionally letting his fingers curl to his your g-spot or graze your sensitive clit.

and then he’d drop to his knees to taste you. make sure he sucks and licks and takes your clit in his warm mouth that you’re-

“i should get back to eunbi,” you finally say, breaking the silence and ripping him from his dirty, hidden fantasies. you can’t take the lust and desire in his eyes that you see when he looks at you, an painful ache building between your legs more and more.

“goodnight, mr. park.”

you nearly run into eunbi’s room and slam the door had you not seen her sleeping form, passed out right there in the middle of her bed wearing a baby pink robe.

you look beside her to see an extra one laid out, a silky lilac one that causes a small smile to cross your face.

you’ve never felt material like this on your skin, basking in the feeling of the smooth, silky material as you clean up her room quietly - both to tidy up and distract you from the ache in your legs and last encounter with her father.

for eunbi growing up with housekeepers and nannies her whole life, it always surprised you how clean and tidy your roommate was; the sink was never full of dishes and you alternated vacuuming the living room carpet.

but it’s obvious all of that is a facade because since the moment she got home, her messy ways have shown through - you find it endearing, though, and it’s all very eunbi: a homey, lived in mess of luxurious items and articles of clothing worth more than your childhood home.

the girl in question had moved to the right side in her sleep as you cleaned, a quiet chuckle leaving your mouth. you look to see both your water bottles are empty, deciding on the brave decision to go downstairs to grab two new ones.

the last time you’d done that, you thought for sure mr. park was gonna jump your bones - and you know you were gonna let him.

your mind is littered with memories of that night as you make your way through the dark house of twists and turns, carefully going down the stairs as you walk toward the kitchen.

there’s a room with beautiful double doors on your left, a room you’ve walked past hundreds of times throughout your stay here. eunbi told you it was her dad’s first floor office, where he usually worked and had his meetings from home.

the first thing you notice from down the hall is that the door is slightly cracked open, a peak in from the dimly lit kitchen showcasing some fancy decor of a globe.

as you make your way closer and closer, your ears are met with a quiet, strangled groan that causes you to stop in your tracks; your mind begins to race with a million different scenarios of what you could be walking past right now.

your first thought is that you’re about to see mr. and mrs. park in a very compromising position over his desk - and, as sick as it sounds, as delusional and crazy and absurd as it sounds, that prospect makes your stomach sink and twist painfully.

but that would be normal, you suppose; they’re a fucking married couple after all and seonghwa had seemed stressed from work. obviously he was gonna ask his wife to help calm him down and relax him.

get all of his stress out in the form of-

you shake your head before you can even think about it, forcing your feet to move past the office doors.

and it’s like you can’t even stop yourself from peeking in, confirming to see if your thoughts are correct and you’re about to be gutted, when you take in the sight before you.

seonghwa still in his loose tie and white dress shirt, pants around his ankles and his head thrown back in his office chair as his own hand jerks his cock off.

everything about it is dirty and wrong and you know you shouldn’t be looking in but you can’t stop.

you can’t stop watching the way his hand works around his cock expertly, long and thick and so fucking nice it nearly makes you drool. the thought of you on your knees before him, taking him in your mouth and licking and sucking around the tip, making you bite back a moan.

you can’t stop your eyes from looking at his face, his head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut with his neck on display - perfect for you to bite and give hickies, if you were on top straddling him.

you can’t stop the painful ache and wetness seeping in your thong as you watch him get off, his groans and grunts and heavy breaths making you wanna whine out in arousal.

and it’s that suppression right there, getting so worked up and horny over the sight of your peeping tina activities, that cause you to pull yourself away.

because as much as you don’t want to and as much as you wanna help him, you can’t.

you can only scramble into the kitchen and get water as fast and quiet as humanly possible, scurrying past the office and up the stairs with the stealthiness of a lion.

you can only lay in bed with the thoughts of your roommate’s father and the noises he makes, the sight of his cock and the hand movements replaying over and over in your mind.

and you realize that night, with only a few more days until you both have to leave for the spring semester, you can only hope to never see mr. park again.

let this flirtation and fascination and utterly screwed up infatuation with your roommate’s dad be nothing but a dirty memory you’ll keep to yourself for the rest of your life.

because if it’s not, if you have to see him again and have him in your daily life again, you won’t be able to hold yourself back.

your lust will turn deeper and you’ll find yourself in a much bigger issue than damp underwear and secret, forbidden moments with mr. park seonghwa.

you should’ve known with only two days left of your stay that eunbi was gonna let the news slip.

you were at least grateful for the fact that mrs. park had a charity ball with her clan of “botox getting, bitchy sounding gold diggers who need to desperately get laid,” successfully riding her of your last friday night dinner.

“so you girls don’t want a new apartment then?” seonghwa asked, glass of wine in his hand as he looks at the two of you questioningly. “that building’s looking for a new owner, eunbi, i think it’d be perfect for you both.”

“dad don’t be ridiculous, we can’t own the building!” eunbi says, swatting her dad playfully as she shovels a piece of food in her mouth. she’s casual and comfortable without her mom’s prying eyes and biting tone, her foot resting on the white fabric beneath her.

“and besides, i might be alone in there soon. we still don’t know if y/n is gonna be starting her-”

you kick the girl under the table roughly, her face pulling into a wince as a cry leaves her mouth.

“ow, y/n! what the he-”

but it’s upon seeing your white face and annoyed expression that she realizes what she said, her mouth falling open and silent as she looks at you apologetically.

“oh shit...”

you can only shoot her a pained, sarcastic smile, daringly looking at seonghwa who’s watching the two of you with a curious expression.

“what do you mean?”

silence hangs in the air, you and eunbi sharing side eyes and dejected looks with her dad before he cocks an eyebrow at the both of you.

“girls... what do you mean?” he asks, his voice deeper and more serious, taking on a dad-like tone eunbi isn’t used to hearing from her relaxed, playful father.

and that’s when, before eunbi can open her big mouth any further, you calmly and regretfully explain the situation with your scholarship.

how you got an e-mail a few months ago about alternate funding for the art department and that you were one of the many students who, while keeping up your end of requirements, could not be awarded money.

“it’s awful that they can do that,” seonghwa says, his eyes full of the same sympathy and outrage eunbi’s held - except he knows that this happens all the time. that it’s unfair and sick and a big ploy in the education system that needs incredible reform.

especially when it hurts students like you.

“yeah but it is what it is,” you say, trying your hardest to steer the conversation to literally anything but this (in fear that you’ll scream or start crying or have yet another anxiety attack).

“i can just finish up in the fall, it’s no big deal,” you lie through our teeth, a sad smile on your face as you look at eunbi. “i’m just sorry it messes up our combined graduation party.”

a frown crosses eunbi’s face as she smacks you in the arm, pulling you closer to her just so she could cuddle herself into your arm.

“i will wait for you,” she proclaims dramatically, a pout on her lips and starry-eyed look in her gaze. “i will wait as long as i have to. if they delay it any further, father, you will simply have to sue the school.”

“father, huh?” seonghwa hums lowly, his lips quirking into a smirk.

father is the term eunbi uses when she wants to use him and his money, whether it be blackmailing unfair teachers or shitty students or calling for him when her and her mom are fighting.

“yes, father,” she says, looking to you with a sweet, apologetic smile on her face.

“i’m serious, y/n. we got your back,” she quips with a wink, a pained smile on your face that she knows means you can’t wait to let her have it when you two are alone.

“you had one job, eunbi, and you were doing so good,” you say in her room later that night, pacing back and forth as she sits on her bed like a scolded child. “literally two nights left and you let it slip out!”

“i’m sorry, okay!” she whines for the ninth time, a pout on her face as she plays with fingers; you wanna roll your eyes seeing it, knowing for a fact that’s something she does when she’s in trouble with jiwoon.

“i didn’t mean to, it just slipped out!” she begins to defend, “and it was only my dad! he wouldn’t dare say a bad word about you, y/n, he loves you.”

you ignore the twinge in your chest when you hear her say those words, feeling a tad guilty at the bodily reaction you have about her own father. how much you’re hiding from her and that you have these suppressed feelings and secret moments in the first place.

“loves me or not, bad word or not, it’s still embarrassing, eunbi,” you say, a frown on your lips as you start to hear the situation aloud.

“i still can’t pay for my tuition and have to wait almost a whole year to take a degree in fucking photography. like how embarrassing is that, all of this just for me never find a job and live in a box.”

you’ve only seen a flash of anger on eunbi’s face a few times in your life, the incident with the dorm girls and her dad and when a sorority girl tried to kiss jiwoon at the bar.

and you see it right now, her small but mighty frame jumping off the bed and lunging toward you quickly.

“are you kidding me!” she squeals, smacking you in the arm and pushing you down on the bed.

“what the hell do you mean a degree in fucking photography? or living in a box? you’re gonna be the best photographer in the world and shoot every event in my life and charge me quadruple the amount!”

a smile pulls at your lips as you hear her go on and on, hype you up and build up your confidence and tell you to never talk that way about yourself again. how there’s nothing embarrassing about not being able to afford thousands of dollars when you were alerted about the expense on such short notice.

“okay, okay, i know that,” you eventually give in, letting out a sigh as you flop down on her bed. “it’s just.... stressful. i can’t move back home but i also need to get like, a real job. a job that’s gonna pay well so i can save up as much as possible.”

“and we’ll find you that when we get back,” she says, assuring with a confident look in her eye and her hands in yours. “i can promise you, with or without my father’s connections, we’re getting you a job.”

her words prove to reassure you for the remainder of the night, when, after she kisses your ass a little more, asks if she can go to jiwoon’s for a little.

you spent that time in her room looking at nearby job offerings and building up your resume and cover letters, working well into the night hours with a text from jiwoon that she fell asleep and will be back in the morning.

you stretch your arms above your head with a quiet groan, noting it’s almost one o’clock and you’re fucking parched yet again.

it’s no surprise to you when the lights in the kitchen are on, dimly light and no noise around as you pad your way to the fridge.

you almost expect the footsteps that come in a few moments later, when you take a sip from your water and close the fridge without hesitation.

“have you told your parents about tuition?”

you’re confused by the statement that leaves seonghwa’s mouth, brows pulled together and a sinking feeling in your stomach at this conversation again - because as if tuition wasn’t enough, he just had to bring up your parents.

but you don’t wanna beat around the bush any longer; you two seem to do that enough.

“me and my parents don’t talk,” you say, straight forward and quiet as you look right at him.

it’s the first time he sees you look a little broken and defeated, a certain kind of sadness shining behind your eyes that makes him wanna pull him into you. it feels like a protective instinct he’s used to, caring for the people in his life and not wanting to see them struggle.

“they wouldn’t help me anyway.”

this protective instinct feels a little different in this moment, something else tugging in his chest that he hasn’t felt in a very long time - not until he started seeing you more.

“but it’d be a shame if you didn’t finish, y/n. you got so far and you’ve done so well for yourself.”

you smile a little at the praise, tongue rolling over your lips in a way he certainly doesn’t miss - but this moment isn’t about that. it’s not something he cares even a little bit about right now.

“thank you, mr. park, but i am gonna finish,” you say with finality, the confident and sure tone making a strange sort of pride swell inside of him.

“i just have to save up money and i’ll start in the fall. it’s really not that big of a deal,” you tell him with a smile, taking a few steps back so you don’t feel too crowded by him.

“eunbi’s gonna help me look for jobs when i get back,” you say, a teasing smile pulling at your lips as you look at him. “a big girl job. something real and hard, that’s gonna make me super stressed and agitated.”

so much so that i have to get off at the thought of you.

a deep chuckle bubbles out of him that you match with ease, the two of you sharing small smiles and quiet giggles in the middle of this spotless, white kitchen.

“can’t do what you love quite yet, i guess,” seonghwa says, his eyes roaming your face so slowly and carefully, it makes you a tad bit nervous.

you hadn’t realized how natural and easy this conversation was between you two, like you were talking to someone you’d known your whole life opposed to someone you’ve barely known for four years.

his hand itches to reach up and touch your hair, tuck the soft, silky looking strand behind your ear and watch your cheeks heat up when your skin touches; but instead, he smiles down at you, inching closer until he’s just looming over you and staring down at you with a soft, undetectable look in his eye.

“but it’ll be worth it in the end, i think. it’s just gonna... take some time.”

you lick over our lips, throat and mouth suddenly so incredibly dry, as you nod your head.

“yeah, i think so, too,” you say, your lips smushing together nervously before you open your mouth to speak again - this could be one of the last times you’re alone with him.

“thank you for letting me stay with you guys, mr. park. it’s been... really nice spending time with people for the holidays.”

he feels his heart twinge in his chest again, his eyes falling down to your lips and swearing he’s never wanted to kiss someone so bad in his life.

“of course, y/n, it’s been a pleasure,” he says, a smile quirking at his lips with a hint of something you just can’t quite make out. “maybe we’ll see each other again soon.”

it was five days before classes started that you got the confirmation e-mail - a message confirming your tuition for the spring semester was paid in full and your current balance was $0.

you had to look over the message for three whole hours making sure you had read the e-mail correctly, even going as far to call the bursar office to make sure they had the correct address.

but they had confirmed with surety that your balance was paid off, urging you to quickly sign up for the classes you need before the day was over.

“okay, you will never believe what interview i was able to score for you,” eunbi says the moment she walks in the apartment, shopping bags up her arm and gucci sunglasses perched atop her head.

“i’ll admit, the vibe was a little off with the coworkers but i think it’d be a great opportunity to-” her eyes catch your laptop screen on the school website, a list of classes and times on your screen that causes her eyes to widen.

“oh?” she squeals, running over and throwing herself down on the couch beside you. “what the heck are you doing? are you... did you...?”

the lie came way too quick and easy to you, excitedly blabbering out that there was a change in the system and your scholarship was approved - “i think they felt bad that i was a graduating senior,” you said, eunbi’s face pulled into the happiest smile you’ve ever seen.

she clapped and danced and bounced around in excitement, proclaiming you guys just had to go out and get drinks to celebrate the fact that your surprise party was back on.

but you could only sit there with your thoughts and suspicions and this overwhelming feeling deep within your stomach that, while eunbi definitely doesn’t know, her father might’ve just paid your college tuition in full.

(part 2)

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