#i’d have to do some world building to really solidify stuff

[offbrand-deltatraveler]

You ever wonder why fan content of Deltarune’s future Chapters never really hits the same way as the real thing?

Like, no matter how accurate it can get to how things could go down in the original game, it always feels like something that you just can’t put your finger on is missing?

Or is that just me

If you are like me and do wonder why you feel that way, you’re in luck. Because what you’ve stumbled upon today an analysis post about it

Spoiler Alert: It’s not because of the ideas present in the Chapter 3+ take in question, nor is it because none of us are Toby Fox (Not directly, anyway)

It’s because we don’t add anything

—————————————————————————————————————

Not in the sense that we add nothing to the game’s story, considering we literally hand-craft the entire hypothetical story by ourselves. I’m talking about the… Revealed stuff, I guess

You know how in Chapter 1, when you check Asriel’s bed, the game console under it has two controllers? One official and one knockoff?

Originally, people thought the knockoff controller was used by Kris, and that this interaction was meant to further symbolize how the game frames them as a bit of a loser compared to Asriel. But it was actually revealed in Chapter 2 that this wasn’t the case. The knockoff controller was instead used by Asriel so Kris could have the real one

And you know how prior to Chapter 2, we didn’t have as much of an idea that Dark World food didn’t actually count as real food? We had that one Susie line to work with about nothing she eats there mattering, but it was more solidified once we saw that Kris ripped their Soul out to eat a pie because they were starving from how little they had eaten that day (And didn’t want us going outside to harass people in the middle of the night)

Or how, again, prior to Chapter 2, we had no clue that Berdly could’ve ever been into gaming? All we knew is that he was an asshole smart kid that likes to put Kris down about how much of a loser they are. He could never BALLIN’. Or so we thought

And or so we no longer think, now that 2 years later we’ve discovered not only that he and Kris are actually speedrunning rivals and that was just lighthearted banter, but also that he really was BALLIN’ after all, and that he and Noelle are a lot more than just one-time project partners

Something about Sans

You probably get the point by now, but in case you didn’t:

We don’t just add things

It’s because while we do do a lot of building in terms of Dark World stuff, that’s because it’s an unexplored Dark World. It’s new inherently, you can put literally anything you want in it as long as it follows the theme of that Dark World’s room. Unlike adding new Dark World characters, going wild as we explore the completely uncharted territory in front of us, everything we do with the characters we already have, Darkner or not, is ultimately based solely on that which we already know

Takes on future Chapters don’t have things like Catti & Kris’s occult studies, or Jockington’s zine. Or Noelle’s fear of mice or love for scary things. Or Queen sipping battery acid to the beat of the music after every text box (As well as Rouxls being her lamp). Third Dark World example (Hold On It Will Come To Me)

For whatever the reason may be, we don’t just make stuff up the way Toby does. We always either recycle old stuff or add references that are way too modern to be included in the real thing. And that’s why we don’t have that same “Literally anything could happen at any time” flair. Because anything can’t happen at any time, anything only happens in the times we know they’re supposed to happen

Not that you can really blame the makers of this fan content though, to be fair. It’s not something we really think about immediately and I’d imagine there are some concerns about how poorly some things might age, especially after what happened with Mike

Though I think the biggest contributor to that is how in the scene of future content, there’s just generally a lot of “This person is barely a character. Get outta here with that shit” instead of “Is there a reason this character would have a Dark World or fill this role?”. When talking about the future of a game who’s creator is famous for pulling complete 180’s, we can’t be shooting down ideas left and right because “Lmao this dumbass thinks Jockington will have a serious story”. We can’t be telling each other certain ideas are unlikely based on stupid things like “This character can’t be important! They don’t even have a unique text sound!!” or “This is a single door. Dark Worlds don’t appear behind single doors”. This kind of limiting logic just isn’t something the creator of the real thing would adhere to

Unless the person in question thinks that like. A character or version of a character that originates from UT’s universe affects DR in any way, or Rouxls is secretly Gaster and will betray you, assassinating Seam (who actually turned out to be the real Queen of Spades) as he transforms into The Angel in the secret 8th Chapter. Or anything else that either goes back on something Toby said previously or is just bad storytelling

But yeah, that’s why. With limited information comes limited results. Who’d’ve guessed /lh

And nobody’s to blame for that, it just is. That being said though, I’d hope reading this post has inspired at least one person to go crazy. Go out and like. Find this really insignificant detail and just add the shit out of that

Like be that one guy who made that theory that the kitchen could end up being an Undertale throwback in the Dark World. Unironically have Rouxls make Mac & Cheese in such a manner that nobody can stop him. Make the Yoshi Kris sacrificed for an extra jump a Secret Boss. Give Napstablook a tragic backstory. Include your wildest headcanon. The possibilities are almost endless

“I am cringe but I am free” and so forth

—————————————————————————————————————

I actually forgot I was terrible at ending posts for a sec

#utdr analysis post #deltarune #utdr #deltarune chapter 3 #useful

[blueikeproductions]

Rise of the Beasts is almost here, and the movie is getting pretty glowing early reviews similar to Bumblebee showing signs we have good talent behind it again. The toys however seem to be sitting on shelves mostly, though that might be due to price primarily as I have seen evidence of people looking at the toys and buying some. I’ve had an eye on the two pack Spark Armor style toys and two pack Autobot/Maximal/Terrorcon with animal weapons, but those are the most expensive toys of interest and not in my price range atm. One older collector I bumped into bought most of the Beast weapon toys so he could display them in Beast Mode and Gun Mode. So there is at least some demand for the toys.

I do have some quibbles due to recent interviews. Ol’ Lorenzo keeps insisting the film doesn’t break canon and is part of the Bay films, but the director and early audiences have all pointed to the film being treated as a reboot but still having nods to the older movies, like most franchise stuff are want to do. Lorenzo won’t let it go, but as far as I’m concerned, Beasts is part of a reboot era, and unless Paramount finds a way to shove the square peg into the Star shaped hole, I’m disregarding anything Lorenzo says. And it appears other officials are doing the same, as it has been officially declared RotB is a reboot, with a new trailer also calling the movie the start of a new era to solidify the deal further.

Steven on the other hand seems interested in seeing more movies that utilize other planets and other kinds of Transformers since they spend too much time on Earth. As much as I’d be open to fiddling with this, I’m not sure if they’ll actually do that. At best you get Nebulous, since it’s populated by human like beings, and you get more Scorponok for whoever keeps putting Scorponok in the films. I’m not sure how a Velocitron movie would work, is it Fast & Furious with the villains being the Stunticons? In any event, for context and mild spoilers, a post credits scene involves GI Joe recruiting Noah. If I had to guess, besides the usual Joe/Autobot team up, if this gets properly followed through, the Joes are likely meant to be NEST in this universe. Not sure atm what this means for Sector 7, which exists still via the Bee movie. Perhaps GI Joe is an extension of S7, as the Joe rep talking to Noah is fully aware of the Transformers. It’s worth mentioning it was recently revealed a Transformers and GI Joe crossover movie is in development, so the scene with Noah is clearly meant to build towards this. I suspect this may be how we get Megatron as well, with Cobra, like in past comic adaptions, discovering the stasis locked Megatron and seeking to utilize him as a weapon, also potentially explaining his inevitable (HISS?) tank mode, unless they decide to make Megs a helicopter like his Animated and EarthSpark selves. In any event, it doesn’t seem like Hasbro wants the Autobots to leave Earth any time soon, and it might depend on if the Transwarp Keys survive intact if they CAN get off world on the future.

Steven’s similar interest in wanting to show threats beyond the Decepticons feeds into my earlier concerns Hasbro doesn’t seem to want to use the Decepticons as major villains anymore. I mean let’s be honest, we all thought a possible Bee 2 was going to involve more Decepticons on a larger scale having picked up Shatter’s transmission because Soundwave detected it, none of us expected Terrorcons or Maximals. It makes me wonder if Horrorcons will be in the sequel: guys like Apeface and Snapdragon would lend themselves well as Unicron agents. With Unicron, at least at the moment, intended to be the trilogy’s main antagonist, I don’t really see any other evil Transformers beyond the Terrorcons right now anyway. Even Beast Machines felt it was less complicated not to involve Predacons so the Vehicons could shine as the main enemy. That being said, when there’s Maximals, usually there’s Predacons, so the Preds might have a shot at becoming antagonists. It’s not clear who else survived Unicron eating the Maximal planet, but they clearly had better luck than the Lithones did. Megatron’s Predacons surviving seems like a safe bet going by advertisements that feature reliefs of Terrorsaur, BlackArachnia, Waspinator and the like. That said, Scorponok was part of it, but he appears to be allied with the Terrorcons and is a mass produced drone despite being labeled a Predacon in toys, so… -big shrugs- I could see Megatron’s goal being similar to RiD Steeljaw in that he wants to create a Predacon homeworld and chooses Earth for his purposes, intending to wipe out all humans, Autobots and of course Optimus Primal to claim his prize. I’m sure they’ll eventually bring in Decepticons later on, but the fact we abruptly jump from the Great War to whatever the deal is with Terrorcons doesn’t inspire confidence there. I do hope though that since we have Scourge, the next leader of the Terrorcons is Cyclonus. Still has the Acolyte of Unicron mask, but he is helicopter patterned after Armada Cyclonus, lol. I mean if this Scourge is a homage to RiD Scourge, I don’t see why we can’t get this.

#transformers movie #blueike productions #transformers #blueike #autobots #maccadam #decepticons #terrorcons #blatherin blatherskite #transformers rise of the beasts

[cuddlesslut]

Part Eight: Hope

Atsumu x fem reader , Suna x fem Reader, Hinata x Fem reader

A/N: I’m so sorry it took so long to put out this chapter I’m gunna try to do better on posting faster. I’ve had a lot of stuff happening irl. I love see so many of your write in for the poll 😂 I did not expect Sakusa to pop off! I hope y’all like this chapter. Again it’s still kind of short but I wanted to get it posted. Also you can’t convince me Hinata doesn’t use an all in one cleanser!

Warning: crude language, not much angst, some fluff.

Part Seven: Regrets

Hinata stared at his phone questioning whether he should message you again. It had been four days since you ran out of his apartment. You had yet to respond to any of his texts. As concerned as he is he knows no good will come from spamming you. Although he wants nothing more than for you too talk to him. He was so confused where you both stood. But he was sure of one thing, and that was that things couldn’t go back to the way they were before. He can’t go back to pushing down his feelings and pretending he doesn’t want to be more. That he didn’t want to call you his and show you off to the world. To take you out on dates try new experiences and make memories with you. He can’t keep acting like he doesn’t dream of waking up to you in his arms every morning. He wants to be there with you every step in life and support you no matter what. He wants to show you that you are the most amazing woman he’s ever known. As much as the sex is amazing it’s not worth holding back anymore. He knows you may still not be ready for a relationship and he wouldn’t think about pressuring you into one after how horribly your last ended, he’d gladly wait for you to be ready but he has to be honest with his feelings instead of torturing himself.

The sound of his alarm snapped him out of his daze. Time to get ready for practice, he groaned pulling himself from the comfort of his bed before heading to the shower to start his day. He shuffled in the bathroom hooking up his phone to his Bluetooth speaker starting up with morning playlist beginning his morning routine. He loved jamming in the shower. He turned the water on letting the heat build as he brushed his teeth before climbing into the steaming shower bopping his head to the beat of silhouette by Kana-boon having to refrain himself from attempting to naruto running in the slippery bath. He stood there for a moment enjoying the heat hitting his back and loosening his muscles. Losing himself in the music as he grabbed his three in one, body wash, shampoo and conditioner. He scrubbed his hair and body screaming the lyrics to the next song. “Sawaras nai kimi wa shojo wa na no Boku wa yarichinbitchi no osu da yo !!,” he was jamming out when the song was interrupted by the sound of a notification. He thought nothing of it figuring it was just Bokuto-San. When the chimes continue his curiosity won out as he peeked out passed the curtain still covered in bubbles to see who was spamming his phone. His eyes grew wide as he saw your name lighting up his notifications. He rushed for his phone loosing his balance and slamming the shower wall to keep himself from falling on his ass as he scrambled out still dripping and soapy as he stood in bathroom unlocking his phone.

YN-Chan 🧡: Hey Shoyo

YN-Chan🧡: you’re usually up by now so I thought I’d message you to say I’m soo soo sorry for how I ran out the other day.

YN-Chan🧡: honestly I should have messaged you days ago but I’ve just been dealing with a lot . It’s no excuse but still I’m sorry.

YN-Chan 🧡: look I totally understand if you don’t want talk to me after how I acted but if you do I was hoping we could get together and talk?

Hinata could see the text bubble at the bottom showing she was typing but he wasted no time pulling up the call button needing to here your voice. It rang two times before connecting. His heart clinched hearing your soft hello.

“Hey Sho,” you answered.

“Hey there YN-Chan,” he greeted back.

He could here a sense of nervousness in your tone. “Hey sorry if interrupted anything.” He realized how hard he was breathing from excitement and from nearly dying trying to escape his shower.

“Oh no no, its fine I wasn’t busy,” he feigned nonchalance. There was a beat of silence as you both searched for words.

“Umm you had said you wanted to talk?” He questioned. He was really concerned for why you ran off that day.

“Oh yeah but I’d much rather talk in person, is there anyway we could get together soon I understand if you’re busy,”

“I’m free tonight,” he cursed himself for how desperate he sounded, “uhh do you want to come over tonight?”

You chuckled at his eagerness. “If it’s okay with you maybe we could go out... to like dinner maybe,” his heart froze his mind reeling with excitement you had never gone out before. Always just opting to have food delivered and eating in. He couldn’t help but let his hopes rise.

“I know it’s not what we usually do so I get if you’re uncomfor-”

“I’d love to!” He cuts you off. Not wanting to miss this chance.

“A-awesome um is 7:30 good for you?” You questioned.

“Yep!” He could feeling his heart soaring as the plans started to solidify.

“Great well I’ll message you all of the details later, bye Sho umm I’ll see you tonight.”

“Goodbye YN-Chan, can’t wait!” He heard a small laugh leave your lips before the line disconnected. There is a wide smile spread across his face as leaning against the wall next to him not even upset that his shower water was now starting to run cold.

Hinata’s day was instantly better with thought of seeing you tonight the Idea of having a date with you filled him with joy. Everyone could see the difference in the outside hitter today compared to the last few practices. It’s was like he was in the zone. He was all over the court making the cleanest receives and his spikes were just so on point. It was time for there first water break and stretch. He sat on the bench taking a gulp of water a big smile present on his face when he checks his phone to see a message with a restaurant address. His teammates shared a look at the way the ginger stared at his phone.

“What’s got you so happy Hinata?” Sakusa questioned.

“Yeah Sho you’ve been on fire today plus you won’t stop smiling at your phone!” Bokuto boasted wrapping an arm around his newest teammate.

“That obvious huh?” Hinata grinned. “Well uhh the girl I’ve been talking to wants to go on a date tonight!”

“Oh yeah?” Atsumu smirked “the same girl that’s been marking up yer back recently?” Bokuto and the Setter busted into laughter when Hinata’s faced turned red. Sakusa rolled his eye at the childish behavior.

“Uh haha yeah that’s the one,” he chuckled rubbing the back of his head.

“Well if you’re already fuckin her why are you getting all giddy over a date?” The setter asked

“We’ve actually never been on date before,” Hinata admitted.

“Damn Sho, first date! Why’d you wait so long dude?” Bo wondered.

“Really Hinata-Kun I didn’t take you for the casual sex type,” Sakusa stated

“She’s a friend but I’ve like her pretty much since we met but she’s just not ready for a relationship,” he explains “ she has some bad history but we kept fooling around as friends. I’m so excited cause she asked if I wanted to get dinner so I’m hoping maybe she’s starting to open up to the idea.”

“Ha well good luck then bro,” Bokuto smacked him on the back laughing. The rest of them agreed in the well wishes before the whistle blew signaling the end of their break.

They resumed their intense training. Right now focusing on their serves and some indurance training. The coaches were wearing them out today going over and over drills. Soon enough they were in the locker room showering up a bit and changing as they got ready for their lunch break before they’d have to return to practice. The locker room filled with chatter as they discussed different plays they wanted to work on or where they wanted to grab lunch. There conversation was interrupted when one of the coaching assistants poked their head in.

“Miya-San your fiancé is here to see you, she waiting by the gym entrance.” He stated before turning to leave. All eyes were on the setter when he dropped his phone a look of shock present on his face. His mind was going a mile a minute he was so sure he miss heard the man . There was no way you were here. He stood up rushing to finish getting dressed. There was a pressure in the room he was ignoring some of his teammates sharing a confused look.

“I didn’t know you had a Fiancé Tsumu?” Hinata asked excitedly as the team started following behind the setter.

“That’s because he doesn’t,” Sakusa stated bitterly. Atsumu shot a dirty look back at the wing spiker.

“She left him months ago before you joined the team Shoyo-Kun, she’s are really nice girl though always brought us the best snacks when she’d visit,” Bokuto explained his hungry mind straying as he thought back to her delicious cooking.

“Oh I’m sorry Atsumu,” Hinata apologized.

“Don’t he deserved it,” Sakusa scoffed.

The setter paid no mind to comment there was no point in getting angry with the neat freak he was completely right. It didn’t matter at the moment what mattered was seeing you. He stopped in his tracks when he saw you standing there. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. You were looking at your hands picking at your nails. He could see you were nervous. So was he. What was he supposed to say he knew he owed you an apology and much more but it felt like he couldn’t breath looking at you. You looked up at him your eyes locking. There was a look he couldn’t quite pin point. It wasn’t exactly a look of hated which it was what he expected but it also nothing like the looks of love he used to receive. He didn’t even realize the boys had stopped behind him watching the scene. His eyes only focused on you and nothing else.

That is until he hears a sharp breath from behind him as Hinata called out your name. Bokuto and Sakusa’s eyes snapped to the ginger some confusion present. Atsumu however didn’t look away from you not even when you gaze shifted from the setter to his teammate. This look in your eyes he could distinguish. It was one you used to look at him with. It shattered Atsumu as he realized right then you were the woman Hinata had been talking about. It obvious when he saw a similar look of happiness on Shoyo’s face. It felt like a kick to the gut. An array of emotions swirling through his mind. He was hurt to think you moved on. Disgusted as he thought back to his earlier convo with the man and how they had discussed the scratches on his friends back and now realizing how they were from you. He felt like he was going to puke thinking of his teammate with you in that intimate way. But he knew he had no right to feel this way not after all he put you through so he pushed those emotions deep inside. Returning to the moment.

“Hi Sho,” you gave a small smile as you shuffled nervously in your spot.

“I thought we were getting dinner? We can switched to lunch if you need to tho.” He stated.

Sakusa and Bokutos eyes grew wide finally coming to the same conclusion the setter previously had. Sakusa had to stifle a laugh as Bo muttered “oh shit” under his breath at the awkward situation.

“Um actually Shoyo, I’d still like to get dinner with you. I know this must seem really confusing, and I promise to explain everything tonight, but uhh.. I actually here to see Miya-San.” You explain sheepishly.

Atsumu tried not to flinch at the use of his last name.

You turned to the blonde with a stoic face. “Can we get lunch, we really need to talk.” He nodded not knowing how to use his voice.

You turned back to Hinata with a pleasing look. “I’ll call you later before our date, Sho.” Before turning to leave with Tsumu.

Hinata may be beyond confused right now not yet connecting the dots. But that didn’t matter he couldn’t stop his heart from skipping. Date. It’s a date. He wasn’t overthinking or wishing hopefully. It was an actual date with you! The woman he can’t get out of his mind. And that one little comfort was enough for him to trust the situation as he watched you walk away.

Home Masterlist

Taglist is Open

Taglist: @animeboihoe @karlitabi-rrito @mutli-fandom-fanfic @comically-sleep-deprived @madmelle @momoinot @eggbutnotyolk @yunhosblackgf @6sakusa @diesinspanishbcimhispanic @a-fucking-simp @its-babybitch @sakusasonlywife @japanushiiiii i @dekuspet @sredamancy @haikyuusimp91 @shoyosbitchh @far-off-dream @tsukkisfatsimp @nestlevanilla @simply-not-the-same @porcolie @uwubby-1 @ahopefulbouquetcollection @graykageyama @elianetsantana @allykat7599 @airybnb @wonhomarshmallow @minnieminnie00-got7 @weebtato @toshiswifey @takeyin-withyang @zero-nightshade @mrskags @ilhy2003 @neonartbat-1316 @isleofnajera @goodone1111

Account in bold couldn’t be tagged

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #hq #atsumu miya #atsumu angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu atsumu #suna x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu suna #hiakyuu #haikyuu hinata #atsumu x female reader #atsumu x reader #suna angst #suna rintarou #hinta shouyou #hinata x you #hinata x reader #hinata fluff #hinata angst #haikyuu time skip #home by cuddlesslut #home series #haikyuu smut

[feferipeixes]

Child I Will Hurt You

One of the weirdest things to Alcor about being a father was how automatically Toby trusted him.

Which really freaked him out because he didn’t feel he should be trusted to raise a child. After all, he was practically still a child himself.

(See the most updated version on AO3!)

===

The thing that scared Alcor the most about raising Toby was how fully the boy trusted him.

He’d experienced and marveled at that kind of trust before. When Mabel found him after that fateful day in 2012 and threw herself at him, sobbing with relief that he wasn’t gone after all, he felt it. When Stan took him and Mabel into his home a few years later, patted him on the back and said “It’s no problem, kid”, he felt it. When he warned Mabel that he shouldn’t be trusted with the triplets’ true names and Mabel shouted him right out of his self-flagellation, he felt it.

The first day he brought Toby home after finding him alone and shivering on the street, he felt something very different.

Panic.

Panic over who the child in front of him truly was underneath that thin layer of flesh. Panic over what would happen if he didn’t stop whatever Bill was planning. Panic as he remembered Weirdmageddon over and over again in complete, horrific detail.

“Listen kid,” he said, floating a few feet off the ground so he could better tower over the child, “no funny business, okay? You hear me in there, Bill?”

Toby only cocked his head, scraggly and unwashed golden locks tumbling away from his face to reveal his scarred eye. He still wore the half-scared half-curious look he’d had when he’d first caught the demon’s attention, but there was something else bubbling up. Something that tasted suspiciously like trust.

It really freaked Alcor out because he didn’t feel he should be trusted to raise a child. Trust was something you gave to adults who knew what they were doing, after all, and he was practically still a child himself.

Alcor grimaced, and lowered onto his knees so he could look the boy directly in the eyes. “I mean it. I’m watching you. I’ll know if anything bad happens.”

To his surprise, Toby smiled at that. “You can make the bad things stop?”

“Yes,” Alcor replied, his voice cracking like it hadn’t in centuries because he was already messing this up, he was sure of it. “N-no getting into trouble. Not on my watch.”

The boy’s face lit up, trust shining brilliant from both eyes, and before Alcor could tell what was happening, Toby had reached up and hugged him around the neck.

And the demon remembered

Bill’s little pipe cleaner hands iron-clad around his neck,

Squeezing the life out of him,

Blue fire rushing all over his body,

Over and into his soul,

Screaming until there was no more breath left in him,

And the little boy’s smile radiated such trust and hope that Alcor was left completely speechless.

“Thank you,” Toby squeaked, and Alcor felt it.

---

“Oh stars, I can’t do this, I can’t do this!” Alcor was in his human disguise, head in hands, elbows resting on the counter, rambling like the world was ending. “I’m way in over my head. Raising a child? Me? I mean I looked after Mabel’s triplets but this is so different…”

“...Sir?” The cashier’s hand hovered over Alcor’s head, unsure whether it was appropriate or comforting to actually pat him. “Are you alright?”

“No!” he fumed, lashing out and knocking over some of his groceries. “I have a six year old at home and he trusts me to look after him and keep him safe! How could this possibly have happened?”

“Uh…” The cashier peered behind the man to the customers in line, most of whom looked some degree of disgruntled or confused. She gave them a little wave to indicate that they should probably move to a different register, and then turned back to the man who appeared to be hyperventilating now. “Do you have a partner? Anyone who’s helping you?”

“Of course not, I’m alone, I’ve got no friends,” he moaned. “There’s no one who I trust enough to foist Toby off to. The poor boy has such bad karma -- he needs me to protect him from that or he’ll get eaten alive!”

“Well… it sounds like you’ve got the right instincts at least. You want to keep him safe.”

“That’s just it! I don’t!” Alcor picked his head up and the cashier saw streaks of a strange yellow liquid running down his face. “Everything I’m doing for him is just stuff I picked up from watching my sister raise her kids! I don’t have any kind of adulting instincts -- none at all! I transcended when I was fucking twelve and that’s where I’ll be stuck until the end of time. I’m just a pointless child! I’ve got too much power and no actual ability to help anyone!”

The cashier sighed and -- after the man nodded to say it was alright -- put her hand on his shoulder. “Listen, man, all of that stuff sounds normal.” (Except for the parts that made no sense to her at all but she opted to ignore them.) “No one knows how to raise a kid, and no one ever feels like they’ve grown up. You learn it as you go. Trust me, my kids ran me ragged and I had no idea what I was doing. But they turned out alright. So will yours.”

Alcor’s voice began to wobble, and he pressed gloved hands to his temples. “But he won’t! I’m developmentally frozen. I’m not capable of learning anything! Seriously, what kind of adult buys this much candy?”

She glanced at his cart, which indeed was half filled with Giddy Cowboys and Sneakers bars. “That is a lot,” she admitted. “I would not advise giving your kid that much candy.”

“What? No.” Alcor stopped sniffling and pulled a face like he’d just smelled poo. “That’s for me. I’m buying all these vegetables and milk and chicken for Toby. He’s a growing kid, he needs to eat healthy, get all those food groups in, you know. I’m not stupid. But I am childish for liking candy so much that I’d eat this much of it in a week! I mean, seriously! Oh stars, I’m hopeless!”

The cashier lifted an eyebrow and removed her hand. “You eat all of this… in a week?”

“I know, I know, I’m ridiculous!”

“That’s not what I meant,” the cashier cut in, before he could start gibbering again. “I’m just worried about your teeth. Your… teeth…” She trailed off as the man suddenly yawned, exposing two rows of jagged knives that could sink into her flesh in an instant. “Your, um, your- your-”

Alcor pulled a mirror out of seemingly nowhere and started picking at his teeth. “What, do I have something in them?”

The cashier’s eyes widened even more as the man’s gloves came off. “My… what pointy claws you have…”

“Thank- wait.” Alcor froze, one long blackened nail still pressed into his gum. “Wait a minute. Pointy. Sharp. Cutting and slicing and ripping open oh stars!”

“Um- um- um-” the cashier tried to say, but with every word she felt like she was shrinking until she’d be swallowed up by her clothes. “Slicing?”

Alcor shook his head furiously, and this time his fist was positively trembling when it came down onto the counter. “I haven’t child proofed the knife drawer in the kitchen!”

He flipped his hat off of his head and pulled out a wad of cash, which he then thrust into the cashier’s hands just as her lights went out. Before anyone else could react, he vanished into thin air, taking his groceries and the shopping cart with him.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before,” Alcor grumbled as he zeroed in on the offending drawer. He pulled it open and there they were -- obscene, dangerous implements that he was a wicked and cruel caretaker to have potentially exposed his child to. He couldn’t stop imagining what might’ve happened if Toby had tried to pull open the drawer and it had fallen on him -- couldn’t stop thinking about his little boy sticking his adorable hand in and receiving cuts and lacerations and awful, awful sobbing filling the house…

With a snap, child locks were in place. Alcor tested them out by trying to pull the drawer open -- and it took a few tries before even he was able to. Sighing with relief, he leaned against the counter and slid down to the floor. His feet bumped up against the shopping cart sitting in the middle of the kitchen, overflowing with Reece’s Mugs and Chortle Taffy and Quasarbursts.

He couldn’t do this. He was too irresponsible.

Alcor dug a hand into the cart and pulled out a candy bar. He sank his teeth into it, enjoyed the rush of sweetness that was almost as good as flesh and bone. Slowly he began to unclench his muscles -- even though his form was imaginary, the cramps shooting throughout his body still hurt. He slid down the counter a little further, almost letting his head touch the floor -- and then he noticed it.

The stairs.

Bolting upright, Alcor let the candy bar fall from his hand. The stairs. How hadn’t he thought about that before? What if Toby fell down and tumbled into the banister and lost his other eye? What if what if what if?

Not a minute later, the demon was wrestling with child safety gates, somehow struggling even with all of his considerable power just to get them to attach to the wall. At one point he tipped his jaw back and used his tongue to line the edges with spit, which then solidified like glue. The stairs had to be safe. He couldn’t risk Toby getting hurt.

And with that thought came even more thoughts that sent Alcor racing through the house. What if Toby slipped in the bathtub? What if Toby climbed on top of the fridge and couldn’t get down? What if Bill slammed his arm in a drawer again and again and again and again until it was full of forks and then he poured soda into his eyes and laughed like a maniac while Dipper drowned in the vast emptiness of the Mindscape???

Alcor stiffened. He set down the intricate contraption he’d been building to keep Toby safe from wild animals in the backyard. And he looked into the mirror.

What was he doing?

This was Bill’s soul he was fretting over. It was always him, on the inside, and he’d known it from the very first day he’d seen the boy. He knew what was lurking beneath the surface, what kind of monster slept in that innocent form waiting until one day he could reach out and traumatize his father once more. Reach out and steal his beating heart, and laugh, and live, and die, and laugh, and live, and die, in a way he’d never be able to again.

A chill passed through Alcor’s body. Something had to be wrong with him, because he knew what Toby was and he’d spent the entire week worrying about the boy. Why did he care so much?

Quietly, he crept down the hall, and peered into the bedroom on the right. There he was -- the beast himself -- sleeping soundly in a bed decorated with race cars and rocket ships. A few more steps, and Alcor could see how small he looked, how even in his sleep he seemed so broken. And the demonic instincts that had rushed through Alcor since the day he’d gone up in flames were quelled, because every fiber of his being told him he needed to protect this child.

He rested a hand on the boy’s forehead, and watched him dream about running around in a field of grass, playing catch with his new father.

---

Thus started a new routine. A demon, trying day-to-day to take care of a small child. Playing grown up even though he felt so utterly unprepared for what he was doing. But Alcor’s life didn’t stop when he became a parent.

Neither did any of his other regular obligations.

“Oh, you’re asking for it now!” Alcor roared, jumping to his feet. “I’m gonna run you through with my sword! Die die die die!”

The dungeon master -- Damien -- peered over his half-rimmed glasses at the demon and smirked. “Not gonna work, I’m afraid. The slime beast’s armor is too thick to be pierced by a sword such as your own.”

Alcor gaped with disbelief. “Whaaat? I call foul play! You let Anushka do it!”

“Anushka’s sword has a fire enchantment on it. Slime armor is weak to heat.”

“Also, I said die five times,” Anushka added with a shit-eating grin on her face, jabbing Alcor in the side with her elbow. “Die die die die die!”

Alcor snorted and dropped back into his chair. “Well, you got me there.” He looked at the other players, disappointment rolling over into amusement. “Can I change my move or am I locked in?”

Damien shrugged. “Go for it. I don’t think you’ll be able to beat it this turn though, and you’ve only got one hit point remaining.”

Nat leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Yo, I’ve got an idea. You should defend this turn and try to survive the slime’s attack, and then on my turn I can fire enchant your sword.”

“Huh. Maybe…” He patted his head to get the spittle out of his ear, and surveyed the map of the dungeon they were in. Then he sat bolt upright in his seat, a large exclamation mark appearing over his head. “Damien. How many sword actions do I get this turn?”

Damien rolled a die. “Two.”

“Yessss. Okay. First, I lunge at the slime again! But with the blunt end of my sword so it gets knocked back.”

Damien rolled another die. “Yep. That works. Are you gonna use your free movement to approach it again?”

Alcor shook his head. “Nope. I’m gonna throw my sword -”

“Your sword doesn’t have enough piercing damage to make a difference from that distance, I’m afraid.”

The room’s dim lighting glinted off of razor sharp teeth. “- at the cable holding up the chandelier.”

Anushka and Nat dropped their pencils, and looked straight up, momentarily forgetting that they were not actually in the dungeon they were traversing. “You what?”

Damien rolled a die again, and sucked in a sharp breath. “Alright. The chandelier falls onto the slime beast before it can react. It quickly catches on fire, leaving it too weak to attack. Congrats!”

Beaming, Alcor scribbled some numbers on his character sheet. “Heck yeah. No slime beast is strong enough to get one past the Dreambender.”

“You’re so creative, Al,” Nat said. “Seriously, wow. I never would’ve thought of that.”

He wove off the compliment. “Naw, I’m just basically a large child. Being silly and immature is what they’re good at.”

Looking up over his dungeon master partition, Damien furrowed his brow. “Why do you say you’re immature -”

There was a ringing in Alcor’s head -- a tug on a bond -- and he held up his hand. “Wait, hold that thought. Speaking of children, my kid’s calling me. I’m gonna have to leave early this week.” He stood up, and did a dramatic bow. “I’ll see ya all next week! Don’t lose my summoning circle!”

Toby -- lying flat on the floor of the Mystery Shack -- perked up at the sight of his adoptive father walking through the door. Tyrone looked about as human as they come -- a man in his mid-thirties with soft brown eyes, no wings, and feet that always touched the ground. He opened his arms and Toby came running to hug him.

Right away there was that trust again, that total trust that Alcor still couldn’t believe he deserved. How could someone like him -- someone who’d just spent two hours playing a tabletop role playing game and laughing about memes -- be trusted to take care of a child?

Gingerly, he took Toby into his arms and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “How are you doing?”

“I’m boooooooored!” Toby whined. “Can we play a game? I wanna play pretend!”

Chuckling, Alcor put Toby down and then sat beside him on the floor. “Sure thing, kid. You know, I’m pretty good at playing games like that. I was playing one with my friends earlier today.”

Toby’s jaw dropped. “Whoaaaaa! You have friends?”

A vein bulged in Alcor’s forehead. “Of course I- never mind. What’s the game, kid? What are we pretending?”

Toby jumped up and started pacing in a circle. “I wanna make up a story! It’s gonna be great! I’ll be the hero and you’ll be the bad guy -- an evil king who wants to kill all of the good people in the land! Is… is that okay?”

There was a mirror mounted on the wall behind where Toby had been sitting. Without the boy in his way, Alcor found his gaze fixed on it. He could see Toby gesturing as he walked and he could see the nostalgic decorations hanging on the wall of the Shack. But there was no Tyrone to speak of.

It took a moment for him to realize that Toby was talking to him. “What? Oh yeah. Of course, kid. I’ll be the bad guy.” He took a deep breath, discarding the voice in his head that furiously objected to him being the villain to Bill’s hero. “What’s my motivation?”

Toby cocked his head. “Moti- what?”

“What’s my backstory? Why am I evil?”

The boy continued to stare at him with a blank look on his face. “You’re evil cause you’re the bad guy and bad guys are evil!”

“That’s kinda boring- never mind.” Alcor grimaced and looked back at the mirror. “So you’re the hero, eh? How are you going to defeat me? What’s the hero good at?”

“Everything!!!!” Toby squealed, and his reflection grabbed onto something invisible. “The hero is the good guy so I should always win and I’ll have all of the magic and the biggest swords ever!”

Alcor shifted so that Toby was hanging onto his shoulders rather than around his middle. “Everything? But if the hero always wins, what’s the point?”

“The good guy always has to win!” the boy chirped, squeezing tight around Alcor’s neck. “Always!”

Oh my stars this is so boring, Alcor thought. How fricking uninventive is Bill’s soul? Children are supposed to be good at being silly and creative. I guess all Bill’s soul can think about is being powerful again.

A figure stepped into the room on the other side of the mirror. It was short -- looked to be about 12 years old -- and had clawed hands, bat wings sprouting from its hips, and a fancy suit that looked out of place for someone so young. Alcor’s jaw dropped as he watched the figure pick up Toby’s reflection, pat him on the back, and then stare directly out of the mirror at the demon.

“This is a game for children,” the figure said in a low growl.

“What?” Alcor yelped.

Toby giggled at the interruption. “I said that all the evil people should die because they’re mean! No one should ever do a bad thing!“

“This is what children are like. They see in black-and-white because they know nothing about how the world works.” Cold, black eyes bored into Alcor’s skull. “Have you forgotten what that’s like?”

“B-but I’m silly,” Alcor stammered, sweat starting to drip down his face. “I’m irresponsible. I love playing games and coming up with interesting stories. Those are childish things for someone as old as me to be doing.”

“Dad?” Toby asked. “What are you saying? I can’t hear you.”

The figure sneered, baring two sets of sharp teeth uncomfortably close to Toby’s head. “Whoever told you that must’ve really hated the idea of growing up.” Toby stirred, and it spent a moment cradling him so he’d calm down. Then those eyes -- now bright and full of gold -- flicked back at the demon. “Who said it? Was it you?”

Alcor gasped and fell over. Toby shrieked as he suddenly found himself tumbling to the ground, and the sound broke Alcor right out of his trance. Quick as a whistle, he pirouetted and caught the boy in his arms, pulling him close to his chest in a tight hug.

“Oh no, oh Toby, are you alright?” he fretted. “Did you get hurt?”

“I’m okay!” Toby squeaked, his face pressed against Alcor’s collarbone. Alcor loosened up on his hug, and took in Toby’s smile. “That was fun! You always catch me! That’s how I know you’re really a good guy.”

“I’m a good guy?” Alcor gulped, and glanced back at the mirror. This time he saw himself, in his present human disguise, holding Toby close, and looking so, so utterly responsible. It freaked him out.

“...Dad?” Toby asked, brow crumpled. “Daaaaad what are you thinking?”

“I think…” Alcor sighed, and gave his son a little kiss on the forehead. “I think it’s time you got some friends your own age.”

---

From that day on, things were a little different.

Alcor bought a house in the physical plane, because a memory of a shack in the Mindscape was no place to raise a child.

“Dad?”

He doctored forms and documents so it not only looked like a certain Tyrone Pines actually existed, but also that he and his adopted son Tobias Pines were legal residents of a sleepy town in the middle of Washington. This let Toby attend school with kids his own age.

“What is it, Toby?”

He went to the library on the weekly to check out parenting books, having long exhausted the meager supply of advice his omniscience had to offer -- as it turned out, parenting was very much a learn-as-you-go experience with few absolute truths to guide you.

“What’s a demon?”

Alcor froze, his hand halfway in the process of turning a page in his book. He started to turn his head around to look at the boy, and remembered just in time to turn his body around with it.

“Where did you hear that?” Alcor asked carefully.

Toby kept his head down, opting to study his father’s shoes instead of his face. “I, um...”

There it was again, that emotion bubbling up inside of Alcor, that instinctual distrust he couldn’t help but feel for the soul who had once taken everything from him. It was all he could do not to jump up and yell “Aha! Caught you red-handed, Bill! I knew you were in there all along!”

He got out of his chair and knelt in front of the child, using a finger to gently raise the boy’s head so they could see eye-to-eye. “You can tell me,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”

Alcor saw Toby reach into that pure, automatic trust he had for the monster who was raising him. The boy gulped, and squared his shoulders.

“Um... Devon’s dad said it to Devon.”

Alcor blinked. “Is that so? Devon, the kid in your class who asked you to play baseball with him?”

Toby nodded. “H-he was asking me again, and I know you said I wasn’t allowed to, but he started showing me anyway. He got his bat and swinged it and it looked really cool. Then his dad yelled at him and said ‘Devon, you little demon, cut that out right now!’“

Alcor could only stare, mouth agape, in response. Toby started to tremble as he continued speaking. “Then Devon’s dad took the baseball bat and Devon got really sad and I didn’t know what it means but it looked bad and I don’t want to be a little demon and I’m really really sorry I said I wanted to play baseball I don’t want to be a demon I don’t I don’t -”

He cut off with a squeak as his father took him into his arms and hugged him tight.

Alcor was a being with access to more power and magic than almost anything else in the universe. He could level mountains, he could turn cities inside out, he could institute universal basic income on the moon with a snap of his fingers.

But when he held Toby in his arms, when he saw the awestruck look on the boy’s face when he played the violin for him, when he listened to Toby babble excitedly about whatever he’d learned in school that day, Alcor felt powerful.

All of his magic crumbled beneath the obscene power granted to him by way of this child’s trust in him. He had the power to protect this child, to support and encourage him to grow up to be the best person he could be. He could also betray Toby’s trust so, so easily.

He could punish his son for no reason if he needed an emotional pick-me-up. He could disregard the boy’s concerns and laugh in his face. He could even raise his voice just a little too much, caught in a moment of frustration, and leave Toby wincing in distress -- an ephemeral moment in Alcor’s life but an upsetting and formative moment in Toby’s which could forever mar their relationship.

That would be childish. That would be immature of him.

Alcor had killed reams of cultists, had bestowed disturbing curses on people who’d only sort of deserved it, had terraformed the western coast of the United States in a fit of rage. He’d done a lot of horrible things with his magic, but.

This power, this power he had to shape Toby’s life.

This power horrified him.

“You’re not a demon,” Alcor said, (and it felt so unfair to be saying that to him of all people -- so cruel and dirty that he wanted to scream until his hair fell out. But he didn’t.)

“Don’t cry,” (even though no one had held him when he cried that day in 2012, because he’d simply slipped through their fingers, and he wanted to repay that favor. But he didn’t.)

“Daddy’s here,” he whispered, before kissing Toby’s tears away. “You’re not in trouble.”

The words came so naturally, as if he knew exactly what he was doing. As if he had the experience to understand what was upsetting his son, and the power to make it better. As if he had the maturity to push past his own conflicted feelings, because he was an adult, and this was a little child.

He set Toby down, and kneeled to meet his eyes. In that moment, he felt tall. Sort of grown up.

Toby sniffled. “You’d never yell at me? Even if I do something wrong?”

Alcor thought once again back to the day he’d seen Bill Cipher on the side of the road. Thought about the furious, vengeful part of him that enjoyed the boy’s suffering because that’s what he deserved. Remarked on how the universe had served him up his greatest enemy in the most vulnerable form possible, giving him the opportunity to take Toby’s trust and do unspeakable things to him.

“Sure thing, kiddo,” he said, ruffling the boy’s hair. “I promise.”

Remembered how he’d instead chosen love.

---

It was a dark and stormy night that found Alcor wandering the streets of a mostly-abandoned city.

He’d been summoned -- it always started with a summons -- and he’d been angry. It didn’t even matter what had made him angry, because there were so many things these days that people absolutely would not stop doing no matter how much he screamed and threatened and threw flaming balls of plasma into their twisted places of worship. They never learned. And neither did he.

Alcor couldn’t stand how many people had to die because of him. How many people were killed in his name. How many lives he’d taken with his own hands because he couldn’t seem to stop, like an immature brat who throws tantrums when things don’t go his way. He wondered if he could ever change, or if he was just stuck this way.

It was deep in these thoughts that the demon heard a little noise. A squeak, barely audible over the rain. He dismissed it at first, because his grand thoughts were more important than the world around him, and right after a bad summons was the perfect time for self-hatred. It felt good -- it was one of the only things that still did. He considered burning the entire city to the ground. Maybe that’d feel even better.

Something told him that it wouldn’t.

He heard the squeak again, his eyes darting over to a heap of trash bags between two buildings, and that’s when he saw him. A little boy with golden hair, no older than six. He was dressed in rags. He looked like he hadn’t seen a scrap of food in days. The left side of his face had been eaten away by flame, leaving it patchy and discolored.

Alcor had seen right through Bill’s disguise, of course. There wasn’t a meatsuit pitiable enough to blot out the sins his soul had committed. Perhaps that was why he had been abandoned on the side of the street to begin with -- karma was finally catching up with him. Alcor wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t. Something strange was going on inside of him. Some sort of instinct buried within him -- not one tipped with blood and claws, but one that creaked and groaned under centuries of exertion.

It was this feeling that prompted him to gather up the child in his arms. He felt how fast the boy’s heart was beating; saw in his past how much he’d been hurt without an adult to protect him. He knew that feeling well.

“It’s okay,” he murmured as Toby began to fuss. “Things will be better now. I’ll protect you. I might only be a child myself, but I promise I’ll protect you.”

One year later, one year of introspection, growth, and unbroken promises later, he had to admit he’d been wrong.

(AO3 link)

#gravity falls #transcendence au #dipper pines #alcor the dreambender #toby pines #tobias pines #fic #my stuff

[calpalirwin]

Adventurous Spirit

Summary: Ashton becomes more and more of a (lovestruck) hippie.

Word Count: 1.6k

And away, and away we go!

__

Ashton’s adventurous spirit was what had drawn you to him in the first place. Sometimes you weren’t sure what he loved more: being a drummer or being able to travel the world as a result. All you knew was Ashton seemed most at home when he was on the road, making the most of every moment, and you were an absolute sucker for someone who loved life with that much fierceness.

With tour dates lined up, and studio time charted out, life at home buzzed with the excitement of what was to come. Then, the world shut down.

The first week, you watched anxiously as Ashton paced about the house, phone glued to his ear as plans B through Z were discussed and refined, tension slowly building up in his neck and shoulders. But with an album release so close, the feeling of restlessness didn’t get a chance to settle in, and for that you were grateful.

About a month and a half into lockdown, you found him sitting on the couch, staring blankly into space. “Hey,” you said softly, sitting down next to him, and pulling him out of his trance. “You good?” you asked, your fingers dragging slowly up and down his arm.

“Hmm?” he questioned, giving a small shake of his head. “Oh… Yeah, I’m good, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Ashton shrugged. “It’s hard to put into words. Like, I’m thankful for the time to slow down. Because I know I sometimes worry you with how much I work. And my body could probably use the rest. But not knowing how long this lasts is… It fuckin’ sucks. Because there were a lot of things I always said I’d do if I just had the time. And now I do. But how much time? How long am I stuck here?”

“Well” you started with a slight teasing tone, “I’m pretty sure you have time to make a garden, and get some chickens if you’re really dedicated to that.”

He giggled lightly, then sighed. “I just hate not knowing. I don’t want to lose myself.”

“Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about that. Just take it one day at a time, and go from there.”

“I suppose that’s true. And hey, I got you, right?”

“Of course,” you smiled at him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good. Cuz I need you more than I can put into words.”

“I love you too, Ash.”

~~~

You both stared at the box of Superbloom merch, you in awe, and Ashton somewhat dejectedly. “Oh, c’mon!” you urged, nudging into his shoulder. “You could be a little excited. You worked hard for this.”

“I am…” he defended. “But I want to do more.”

“More with the release? Or more solo stuff?”

“More with the release. I want to celebrate. I want a chance to play it live. I want everything the guys and I wanted with Calm, and this shit,” he thrust an angry finger in the direction of the window, “won’t go away!”

“So let’s celebrate.”

“How?!”

“We get tested, and we get out here for a bit. Camp in the desert under the stars for a few nights. I dunno. We’ll figure it out.”

“That… is not half bad. But that only solves one of my problems. I miss performing, babe.”

“Virtual concerts are a thing, you know.”

His eyes lit up in a way you hadn’t really seen for months, before he was kissing you passionately. “You! You’re a fuckin’ genius!”

You laughed against his mouth. “Thanks, I try.”

His forehead knocked against yours, his eyes holding yours steadily. “You are everything to me.”

~~~

If there was a downside to suggesting a weekend getaway for the Ashton’s album release, it was that it revived his desire to travel, and the desire was now stronger than you ever remembered it being.

“You’re becoming a hippie,” you joked as you guys woke up in the back of a pick up truck in the middle of nowhere.

“Becoming?” he laughed. “Thought I always was.”

“Well, it’s becoming more prominent now,” you laughed with him, running your hands through his hair. “I don’t think you’ve let your hair get this long since 2016.”

“Ah yes, the first hippie Ash stage. I’ve learned a lot since then.”

“So this is Hippie Ash 2.0?”

“The new and improved hippie.”

You both broke out in a fit of giggles, before you sighed in content, curling yourself into his side. “So where to next?”

“Anywhere we fuckin’ want to. Well… within reason. The guys and I are discussing the next album.”

“Shit, already?”

He shrugged. “Might as well. Gotta be prepared for when the world opens up again. Wanna hit the ground running. Make up for lost time.”

“Well, fuck. Let’s go somewhere with the guys then. A working vacation.”

“Working vacations are my favorite types of vacation. But after the holidays. I’m getting used to lazy vacations where it’s just me and you, and I’m not ready to give that up just yet.”

“Oh, some place with snow would be cool. Maybe a cabin so we don’t freeze to death.”

He took the hint, pulling you into him with the blanket. “Sounds perfect.”

~~~

You awoke to an empty bed, sunlight, light laughter, and weed smoke filtering in from the open window.

“Morning, Luke,” you greeted as you found the blonde in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his hands wrapped around a coffee mug.

“Mornin’,” he nodded, side stepping out of the way of the coffee machine. “Still practically a full pot if you want a cup.”

“Nah, I’m good for now. Ash?”

“Outside getting high with Cal.”

“Fuckin’ hippie…” you chuckled, headed for the front door of the cabin, Luke’s own laughter following you out.

Calum had a camera in his hand, pointed at Ashton who sat on a couch in his robe, a random disarray of items scattered nearby on the ledge of a firepit. “Oh, hey, Y/N!” Calum said, noticing you first, as Ashton looked over his shoulder at you.

“Hey guys,” you smiled, taking a seat next to Ashton on the couch and leaning into him. “Starting the morning off on the right foot?” you asked with a pointed glance at the ashtray with the cigarettes and blunts.

“Oh, yeah,” Ashton drawled, shifting to wrap his arm around your shoulders.

“Ever think you lean into the hippie stereotype a lil too much?”

“Nah. Haven’t gone completely off the grid.”

“Yet,” Calum snickered. “There’s still time. Luke kinda did, and I’ve never seen him happier.”

“I dunno. I’m already pretty fuckin’ happy.”

“That’s true,” Calum nodded, then clapped a hand against his leg. “I’mma head back in. Maybe shower. Maybe get another cup. You guys good?”

“Yeah, we’re good, mate.”

“You know,” you spoke up as Calum headed back inside, “when this first started last year, I was really worried about you.”

“Worried about me? Why?”

“You said it yourself back then. You’ve always pushed yourself harder than you probably should. I mean, face it, Ash, you’re restless. I was worried about all the things you were worried about. That you’d get stuck, or lose yourself. But then, I dunno. I guess I stopped because I realized how silly it was to worry about you. I mean, you’re you. You’re always gonna make the most of whatever you’ve got. Even if what you got was a year that wasn’t anything like you originally expected it to be.”

“This year was harder than I anticipated. And I did get stuck, and I did get lost. Like those moments did happen. Because you’re right. I’m restless. I’m at my most relaxed when I’m constantly on the move, either doing something or working towards something. So, yeah. This past year fuckin’ sucked. But it was also everything I needed at the same time.”

“Sometimes you gotta lose yourself to find yourself?”

“Something like that, yeah. So, while this past year has taught me a lot, it’s also solidified a lot of things I already knew to be true. Like how I couldn’t have done any of this without you. More than that, I don’t want to do any of this without you. And I wasted too much time trying to reconcile how both you and the band can be the adventures I want to spend my whole life chasing before realizing that I don’t have to.”

“Ash…” you cut in softly. “I’d never make you choose between me and the band. Or me and anything, for that matter. I’m always going to support whatever makes you happiest.”

“No, I know. That’s what I’m trying to say. My life with you in it is what makes me happiest, because you are what makes me happiest. In a year where I didn’t know which way my life was going from one day to the next, the one thing I knew for certain was that I’d have you. It made the dark moments bearable, and the light moments much brighter. That’s not something I want to give up. You’re what I want, now and always. So,” he got up from the couch, reaching into the pocket of his robe as he sank to his knees in front of you. “Marry me.”

You gasped as he snapped open the little box and cool metal slid across your left ring finger, your mind in a whirlwind of both his sentiment, and the fact that he said “Marry me,” more as a direct statement. “Mrs. Hippie does have a nice ring to it.”

“So, that’s a ‘yes’?”

“It’s a million ‘yes’s, Ash. You’re the love of my life.”

“And you’re mine.”

__

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996​ @creator-appreciator​ @philthepegacorn​ @myfavfanficsever​ @cxddlyash​ @youngblood199456​ @stormrider505​ @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​ @hoodhoran​ @metalandboybands​ @maybeememez​ @major5sosstan​ @kaitieskidmore1​ 

#adventurous spirit #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin x reader #5sos #calpal irwin

[lovejustforaday]

Sonic Youth Albums Ranked (Part 3)

6. Sister (1987)

Main Genres: Noise Rock, Alternative Rock, Post-Punk

A decent sampling of: Experimental Rock

This is the first LP in the Sonic Youth discography accessible enough to be labelled a true ‘Alternative Rock’ record. It’s still rough around the edges, but Sister is full of catchy hooks and thrilling guitar sounds. I feel like this record and Daydream Nation probably went on to spawn at least 200 new alternative rock bands by the time the 90s came around (not that I was there to see it or anything, just speculation).

Sister deserves a lot of credit for solidifying on tracks like “Catholic Block” and “Stereo Sanctity” what would become the dominant formula for the band’s sound throughout most of the rest of their discography. I think that's part of the reason why this is Sonic Youth’s second most acclaimed and beloved record. Perhaps some fans would even be downright offended that I only put this at #6 on the list, but trust me when I say that this is only because the band has made so many fantastic records. In fact, for most bands, this would easily be their greatest record.

I can still remember the first time I heard the opening to “Schizophrenia”, I had never heard anything quite like it. The guitars sound upbeat yet worn out and dejected, making me feel isolated and almost spiritually weak when I listen to this track, yet somehow also comforted. The song is partially inspired by Kim’s older brother who has schizophrenia, though the roles are reversed in this song with a brother whose sister is schizophrenic. It’s a deeply fascinating and memorable piece, and I can see why many fans consider this to be a top five Sonic Youth track.

Most of the rest of Sister is very scratchy and punkish with some very tight guitar work, like “Catholic Block” which boasts one of my favourite melodic riffs in the Sonic Youth canon. There’s also “Hot Wire My Heart”, another major highlight and a cover of the obscure British punk band Crime, where Sonic Youth takes their song and upgrades the guitars and drums while also adding a bold wall of feedback at the end.

Then there’s “Pacific Coast Highway”, a completely sickening song and one of Kim’s very finest moments as a lyricist and vocalist. This haunting noise rock jumble tells the story of either a unhinged stranger, or perhaps a resentful ex-lover, who is obsessively catcalling the listener from their car, with the not-so-subtle implication that you’re all by yourself somewhere and that this person intends to harm you. I have no idea if this was written about a personal experience, but I do know from listening to their voices that this is something many women have either gone through or live in perpetual fear of. Seriously fucked up stuff, but also one of Sonic Youth’s very best tracks.

"Cotton Crown” is an odd one out in the Sonic Youth discography; an uncharacteristically sincere but still off-kilter love song that Kim and Thurston sing as a duet. Their voices are a bit out of tune with each other, but i think that honestly fits the Sonic Youth aesthetic and it’s sweet in its own quirky way, although very bittersweet decades later with hindsight about the fate of their relationship. Sort of a noise rock lullaby almost, maybe even with hints of early shoegaze.

Sister does a really good job of taking the seemingly juxtaposing ideas of the ‘fun’ and the ‘grotesque’ and fuses them together. This album is both largely exciting and still somehow alienating and depressive. It’s textbook Sonic Youth, really. I will say that the best tracks are clustered together with a noticeably weaker middle portion, but really this is still a consistently great record throughout. Altogether, Sister is one of the many entries in the band’s discography from 1986 through 1990 where Sonic Youth could basically do no wrong. A classic record.

9/10

highlights: “Pacific Coast Highway”, “Schizophrenia”, ‘Catholic Block”, “Cotton Crown”, “Hot Wire My Heart”, “Beauty Lies in the Eye”

5. A Thousand Leaves (1998)

Main Genres: Noise Rock, Experimental Rock

A decent sampling of: Alternative Rock, Post-Rock, Neo-Psychedelia

I’m just gonna say this now: A Thousand Leaves is by far Sonic Youth’s most underrated record. It’s also the last truly amazing record that the band ever put out. Maybe it’s just the bizarre choice of an album cover that turns people off of this LP. Really, what the hell were they going for here with the minimalist hamster vibes? The beautiful title really suggests something a lot more visually stunning.

In all seriousness though, I feel like nobody talks about this one because it’s overshadowed by its predecessor Washing Machine, but if there’s one area that this record exceeds above all other Sonic Youth LPs, it’s that it perfectly captures that mellow feeling that the later Sonic Youth albums were inclined towards. Not a lot of Sonic Youth records put me at ease like this one does.

Likewise, this is maybe the most ‘feel-good’ record in their discography along with Murray Street. But where Muray Street is something you could put on in the background and enjoy pretty modestly, A Thousand Leaves is a largely experimental, out-of-body experience that pulls you into its surreal, flowery, evergreen world.

“Contre Le Sexism” is a perfect opener for this kind of record; this quiet daze of a waking dream is both dainty and delirious, alluding to Alice in Wonderland with Kim’s vocals never before sounding so gentle and bright. I swear I start to hear a door creak at the end. Maybe that’s the sound of stepping out into the rest of A Thousand Leaves.

What follows immediately after is “Sunday” which is actually one of the band’s poppiest moments, making it somewhat of an outlier on this highly avant-garde and immersive record. But the warm spring vibes of the melody fits right in. The wall of sound introduced during the bridge is a soft mesmerizing bliss more akin to a band like My Bloody Valentine, if not for the tiny distant screeches of atonality whirling around here and there. As a big fan of both bands, I’m all for this kind of sound.

“Wildflower Soul” is easily one of the best things Sonic Youth has ever written. Endless amounts of creativity are poured into this nine minute noise rock acrobatics performance along with a lyrical ode to love, nature, and childhood. The vibes of this one are really quite jaw-dropping given the fact that these are the same guys who wrote “Schizophrenia” and “Death Valley ‘69″. There’s such unison and harmony in the band’s performance here as they switch between different bpm and even time signatures, and the usage of the heavy phaser effect towards the end sounds nothing short of godlike. "Wildflower Soul” almost feels like an entire album experience in one song, and I’m beyond impressed every time I listen to it.

This makes for a hard act to follow, but A Thousand Leaves still has plenty of other highlights. “French Tickler” is a strange and satisfying track that switches back and forth between a playful melody and churning, stretchy distortion. “Karen Koltrane” is a murky but textured portrait of Lee Renaldo’s ex-girlfriend, who got addicted to hallucinogens and became heavily withdrawn from the rest of the world. “Snare, Girl” is a soothing spell where Thurston sounds like he’s trying to coax the listener into a never-ending slumber.

My only real complaint here is “Hits of Sunshine (For Allen Ginsberg)”, a lackadaisical jam session that sounds cool enough, but really overstays its welcome given the lack of development it achieves over its eleven minute run time. It’s a nice piece to vibe to, but it very noticeably disrupts the album’s flow. Take this one track away entirely, or even just edit it down severely, and this would probably be a 10/10 record for me.

Still, wow what a cool album. A Thousand Leaves is a great example of why I respect this band so much. Even this late into their career, Sonic Youth were willing to try so many new bizarre things while also building judiciously upon the foundations of their past work with great attention to detail. I wouldn’t recommend most people start with this one, it’s definitely a bit more challenging especially if you haven’t listened to some other really weird experimental rock records. But once you’re in the right headspace for it, it’s easy to get almost completely lost in A Thousand Leaves.

9/10

highlights: “Wildflower Soul”, “Sunday”, “French Tickler”, “Karen Koltrane”, “Snare, Girl”, “Contre Le Sexism”, “Heather Angel”

4. Goo (1990)

Main Genres: Noise Rock, Alternative Rock

A decent sampling of: Experimental Rock, Post-Punk

Goo was my very first Sonic Youth album, and I can definitely still feel some of the old teenage angst that I had at the time whenever I listen to this one. What probably adds to that feeling is the fact that this along with Daydream Nation is one of the two albums in the band’s discography that I’d say possesses a great deal of immediacy. Albums like Sister and A Thousand Leaves are a bit more subtle and they take a while to be fully digested. But this one, this one hit me like a brick wall.

Between “Tunic (Song For Karen)”, “Kool Thing”, and “Cinderella’s Big Score”, Goo is above all others the Sonic Youth record where Kim Gordon is really the star of the band, featuring not one but three of her most captivating songs. Likewise, I would also say that this is Sonic Youth’s most overtly feminist and socially conscious record.

I don’t know if anybody else feels this way, but to me the opener “Dirty Boots” really does sound like “Teen Age Riot” part 2. That’s not a bad thing of course, Sonic Youth making more songs like “Teen Age Riot” could never be a bad thing, and “Dirty Boots” is definitely one of the highlights of Goo with its massive build up of kinetic energy. That being said, I do have to say that I don’t think any song could do this particular kind of album opener better than “Teen Age Riot” already does it, but I still really do enjoy “Dirty Boots”.

“Tunic (Song For Karen)” is one of Sonic Youth’s most poetic and poignant songs. Kim’s sing-talking voice is even more solemn than usual as she takes on a surreal retelling of the final days of drummer/pop star pioneer Karen Carpenter from her perspective, highlighting the severity of her loneliness and the criminal negligence of many of the people around her who let her succumb to her eating disorder. Set to a backdrop of stark and droning alternative rock, I would say that this is possibly the band’s most depressing moment and certainly one of the biggest statements that they ever made.

A lot of the rest of Goo is actually pretty fun though. “Kool Thing” features Chuck D on guest vocals, and its a funny sarcastic take down of the subjugation of women’s voices in supposedly liberated spaces like the world of rock and hip hop, inspired by the time Kim interviewed L.L. Cool J and attempted to have a political conversation. The song mocks L.L.’s attitude towards women while also poking fun at Kim’s own self-perceived elitism. There’s also “Mote”, a sensational head rush that dissolves into noise rock weird-isms, sorta recreating the feeling of going from buzzed to totally black out.

“Mildred Pierce” is almost a practical joke but I kind of love the hell out of it anyway. A short track with lyrics consisting only of the song’s title, it starts with the band getting into a nice little riff before (without warning) bursting into a hardcore punk cacophony as Thurston screams the name over and over into the listener’s ears. Made me jump the first time I heard it.

And then there’s “Cinderella’s Big Score”. If “Schizophrenia” vaguely hinted at Kim’s estranged relationship with her older brother, then “Cinderella’s Big Score” confronts it dead on. Featuring some of the band’s most totally insane and disfigured guitar work ever, this song sounds harsh and militant, like the dawn of a nuclear cataclysm. It’s very hard to believe that Kim is 37 years old here; she reverts to sounding exactly like a hurt teenage little sister, rebelling against her childhood trauma and lashing out at her brother’s past bullying and now his cold indifference towards her.

The song grapples with some very painful emotions, but the experience is raw and cathartic. “Cinderella’s Big Score” is definitely somewhere in Sonic Youth’s top 10 tracks for me; it just doesn’t get any realer than this. Honestly, the record could’ve ended here. I like “Titanium Expose” enough as a closer, but this would’ve made a really powerful and lasting impression to end the album.

Despite that, Goo is an excellent Sonic Youth record that demonstrates just how much the band had mastered their craft after a decade of making all sorts of noises. Obviously I’m biased since it was my own first Sonic Youth record, but I really do feel like this is the very best place to start with the band. Goo is one of their more melodic and accessible offerings, but it’s also one of their most provocative records and it really captures the essence of Sonic Youth’s identity.

9/10

highlights: “Cinderella’s Big Score”, “Tunic (Song For Karen)”, “Mote”, “Kool Thing”, “Dirty Boots”, ‘Mildred Pierce”

3. EVOL (1986)

Main Genres: Noise Rock, Experimental Rock, Post-Punk

A decent sampling of: No Wave, Alternative Rock

If Bad Moon Rising was bleak and desolate, than EVOL is disturbed, uncanny, and deeply paranoid. Sonic Youth’s third record evokes the feeling of being all alone at midnight on a sketchy highway, complete with mental images of flickering street lights and looming shadowy figures. I mentioned earlier that I have to be in the right mood to enjoy Bad Moon Rising, but this record puts me in the right mood almost instantly whenever I put it on.

EVOL isn’t exactly a no wave album like their first two records. The highly experimental influence is still there, but the arrangements are starting to sound fuller and more intentional.

You could say that this LP marks somewhat of a transitional phase between Sonic Youth the no wave band and Sonic Youth the alternative rock band, and in many respects it has the best of both worlds. There’s a few catchy darker alternative rock songs here and there, sandwiched between tracks that could best be described as ‘mad scientist’ music, which altogether creates a varied and unique album experience.

“Tom Violence“ immediately establishes the tone of EVOL with crooked, scraping flashes of post-punk guitars. This track reminds me of heads hung low, bodies slouched uncomfortably, and the feeling of being completely wide awake at 2:00 am. There’s something very unfriendly that lurks beneath the dissonance of these sounds.

If “Tom Violence” is uneasy, then “Shadow of A Doubt” is an auditory nightmare, managing to capture something akin to the fear of being watched by an unknown stranger hiding in the shadows. Notes are gently plucked like icy cold fingers slowly crawling up the listener’s back while Kim whispers about murder plots and oneirophrenia. The “just a dream” lyrical motif is first uttered reassuringly, but eventually turns into a desperate plea as Kim begins to shout frantically and the music intensifies.

The album dials down the spook factor a few notches with “Starpower” and “In The Kingdom #19″. The former is an early example of Sonic Youth’s ability to combine melodic hooks with meandering chaos that would become refined on the next few LPs, while the latter features Lee’s first solo vocals (and one of his best performances) reciting a lucid, jet black vision of a car accident. Thurston threw firecrackers into the recording studio when they did Lee’s vocals on this track and you can hear it in the recording, and just like “Mildred Pierce” it really caught me off guard the first time I heard it.

“Secret Girl” is the scariest fucking thing in the whole Sonic Youth discography, and also just one of the scariest songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a deep shuddering thud that sounds like it’s getting closer and closer. Then out of nowhere, a cassette-recording of an old detuned piano starts to play a simple, unnerving refrain while Kim offers a cryptic and uncomfortably suggestive spoken word piece. It feels like a scene that might play out in a horror film, where a television screen comes on by itself and the person on the screen begins to talk directly to the viewer.

Finally, there’s “Expressway To Yr Skull” (alternatively titled “Madonna, Sean, and Me”), which would be my #1 Sonic Youth album closer if not for the #1 album on this list. That being said, this song is still one of the biggest highlights of the band’s career. "Expressway To Yr Skull” starts off restless and spectacular, leading up to an utterly earth-shaking climax, and then it’s as if the song promptly dies, only to become a lingering undead entity that pulls you down with it. I still can’t get over how the ending really manages to sound like it’s dragging you down further and further into its barren depths.

To add to that, there’s actually a locked groove on the original vinyl release of this LP that plays the last little bit of “Expressway To Yr Skull”, meaning that if you let the needle sit there, it will forever loop that last little bit of droning at the end of the track. I really appreciate this little detail; it’s as if the pervasive darkness of EVOL is so encompassing that it could turn into a deep midnight that never ends.

EVOL is honestly so close to being a 10 for me, but just like Sister I find that it is decently weaker towards the middle. Still, I’m absolutely enamored with the atmosphere on this album. No gothic rock record has ever managed to sound so deeply unsettling to my ears like this little experimental record does. You really just have to experience this one for yourself. Honestly, don’t be surprised if in a year or two I’ve changed my mind and bumped this one to a 10.

9/10

highlights: “Expressway To Yr Skull”, “Shadow Of A Doubt”, “Tom Violence”, “Secret Girl”, “In The Kingdom #19″, “Starpower”

#Sonic Youth #EVOL #A Thousand Leaves #Goo #Sister #noise rock #experimental rock #post-punk #no wave #alternative rock #indie rock #album review #music review #album list #list #ranked #Kim Gordon #Thurston Moore #Lee Ranaldo #Steve Shelley #1986 #1990 #1998 #1987

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Jo’s Top 10 of 2020

I see lots of artists doing that thing where they post a piece from each month of the year... unfortunately my content creation isn’t necessarily consistent and it’s hard to track what month individual fic chapters were posted in, but I figured I’d do something similar and post my Top 10 pieces of content I created in 2020, what they’re about and why I love them. I actually did get a fair amount done this year thanks to the lockdown, but I’ve narrowed it down to these ten that I’d like to reflect on. (To be fair, I’m probably forgetting something huge. Feel free to leave comments if you think I passed over something important lol.)

10. Friendship in the Horde (meta): This is something I’d wanted to write for a while but finally got around to finishing in February. It’s basically a sociology paper lmao, an analysis of the social hierarchies and systems of the Horde. It was also a convenient excuse for me to gush about Catralonnie, an underrated (friend)ship. But honestly this was an important piece for me because I have always identified with the Horde characters way more than any of the rebels (other than Adora, who grew up in the Horde) and part of why is how they are in an unsafe environment and end up forming relationships that are helpful for survival but hinder them psychologically. And I think to understand the Horde characters and really evaluate their motives and choices you need to understand this first.

9. The Sting in My Eyes: On the surface this is just a run of the mill hurt/comfort oneshot, but it was a really important post-canon processing fic for me. I had a lot of feelings about Catra’s relationships with Shadow Weaver and Melog in season 5, particularly about how Catra must have felt really conflicted after Shadow Weaver told her what she wanted to hear all those years but in a way that felt unearned and out of the blue. It was really cathartic for me to write a scene where she struggles with those mixed feelings but has Adora and Melog to help her process them. And I had long associated the song the title is from with Catra and Shadow Weaver’s relationship, and the way she died trying to redeem herself really solidified that connection.

8. Hail Mary, chapter 6: This was supposed to be a short chapter mostly about the backstory between Catra and Scorpia in this au, with some Catradora yearning thrown in. It evolved into a massive, sprawling thing that is very atmospheric in terms of how the setting and vibes are described and how in the moment it feels. Hail Mary is like that sometimes but that type of narration is usually about football games rather than parties, so this chapter was a fun change of pace in many ways. It was really nostaglic for me to write too, the nerves of being a teenager at a party with your crush and how intense everything feels. And the Scorptra stuff really is delicious, it was nice seeing them have that conversation they never got to have in canon and truly make up, and the tiny sliver I added of Catra’s earlier history was heartbreaking in the best way. So this was not what I intended to write, but it turned out way better for it.

7. A Better Son or Daughter (AMV): I’ve done other Adora AMVs, but this one is really my iconic piece. The song is perfect for Adora, so perfect it’s on Noelle’s Adora playlist. The vid itself is a character study about Adora’s mental health struggles and the way she represses them, as well as a tribute to her resiliency and her eventual triumph of getting to a better place in her life. This is a song that gives me a lot of feelings and once I was making it about Adora it gave me even more, so this was a very satisfying piece to complete. I wish Noelle had gotten a chance to see it but oh well, maybe down the line.

6. Hail Mary, chapter 12: This is the chapter that much of the fic had been building to, Catra and Adora in conflict because Catra finally got the chance to be Adora’s hero and Adora shot her down. It’s painfully analogous to canon, both in terms of how (I suspect) Catra felt in Thaymor and Adora’s tendency to victim blame because she’s so pragmatic. There’s definitely some tones of Taking Control in there but Lonnie does a much better job of examining Catra’s psychology and needs than Glimmer did in canon (a writing error imo, Glimmer should have had more insight). Adora just wants to help but sometimes in her quest to do so she disenfranchises others, and this was a much needed look at that aspect of her character. It’s also an excellent illustration of what it’s like to play a peacekeeping role in an abusive household and how stressful it is trying to protect others while also protecting yourself.

5. Unstoppable (AMV): This is not my favorite Catra AMV I’ve ever done, but it might be the cleverest. The soundtrack is a song about mental illness masquerading as a song about being a bad bitch, which is basically Catra in a nutshell. The lyrics are incredibly fitting for her and her arc as it develops over seasons 1-4. The vid itself takes a hard turn in the interpretation of the lyrics, going from talking about how no one can stop Catra to how she can’t stop herself because she’s in such a terrible sunk cost fallacy spiral, and I think I got several death threats over that twist lmao. As someone who primarily deals in angst, there’s hardly a better compliment to be paid.

4. Demons, chapter 31: This one got real dark on me. The concept of this chapter was originally an examination of how comparing abuse can get really dicey but you also have to respect that other people have had different experiences from you and you have to be careful not to equate things or make it sound like you’re talking over someone else. I guess it’s also a bit of a look at how autistic people (like myself) will often explain why they can empathize so others know they understand rather than saying empty platitudes, but that can come off as insensitive or like they’re making things about them. I mean, in this case Adora kinda was making things about her, but she was provoked into it by a parade of comments insinuating she didn’t suffer at all, which was also unfair. Anyway it’s one of the more important Catradora fights in Demons and something I’d written bits of over a year prior, it was that important to the plot, but it also took a turn I was not originally planning. I finished the chapter when I was in a really bad depressive and self-loathing spiral and that bled onto the page, but it worked perfectly for Catra in this scenario... that push and pull of feeling like the world has hurt and victimized you mixed with knowing you’ve done some bad things yourself and feeling like you don’t have a leg to stand on when mourning the ways you’ve been hurt. It’s intense as all fuck but it’s excellent.

3. Hail Mary, chapter 11: Speaking of dark Catra content, this chapter... whew. It was really something else, to read and to write. I have written flashbacks in Demons that are more detailed and even include explicit violence but because those scenes are always in flashback form I never really got the chance to sit in the head of an abuse victim waiting for the other shoe to drop for an entire chapter like I did here. It’s quite different from the rest of Hail Mary stylistically and is both highly sensory and extremely internalized. It took me back to some terrifying moments in my own life so it was difficult but also extremely cathartic to write. It’s important too because it really sets up where Catra was at mentally heading into her big fight with Adora, and that chapter is in Adora POV. This chapter is ranked so high simply because it’s... polished, as @malachi-walker put it. It almost is its own story within the story and really noteworthy as a piece all its own.

2. Demons, chapter 26: This chapter is very similar thematically to Hail Mary 12, just based in the canonverse. It deals with one of the core (but highly neglected by fandom) conflicts between Catra and Adora, where they both need to feel like they can take care of and protect the other but also detest feeling weak or vulnerable themselves. It leads to Adora’s ego making Catra feel disrespected and Catra’s behavior confusing Adora and making her think she’s an ungrateful brat rather than someone who needs so badly to be needed, just like her. There’s definitely some power struggles in this chapter but finally they’re able to get to the heart of it and seeing them talk it out is so satisfying. Getting this chapter published was also important to me on a personal level because, like I said, this aspect of their conflict and relationship is rarely acknowleged for how important it is when really it’s one of the deepest conflicts between them in the series. It’s a scene I started writing pretty much as soon I knew I was extending the fic into something longer because I just needed them to have this conversation, so finishing it was so satisfying.

1. Satisfaction, chapter 3: This chapter took me a really long time to write, both in terms of time to get it published and time I actually spent working on it. It’s the crown jewel of a fic that’s really important to me and I had to get it just right, so I spent more time agonizing over every detail and rewriting things to get them absolutely perfect than I usually do (I’m a perfectionist anyway, but this took it to a whole other level). But in the end it was worth it, because this chapter is damn fine. It’s really hot, as you’d expect from a smut fic, but it’s also an excellent character study of how both Catra and Adora were affected by their abuse and trauma and the issues it raises for them in terms of sex and intimacy. Also, come on, we need more BDSM fics out there that focus on the actual point of it all (the trust involved) and promote communication and do the character work to explain why they might be into it in the first place.

BONUS (from December 31, 2019): One of my favorite pieces of 2020 technically came out in 2019, but I posted it on New Years Eve so most people first saw it in 2020. It’s an absolute banger of an AMV called I’m Not Jesus that’s all about Catra and Adora’s anger towards Shadow Weaver and their refusal to forgive their abuser. Funny enough this came out before Adora’s iconic “I will never forgive you” line, and Shadow Weaver definitely made things more complicated with how she went out, but I think the sentiment still applies.

#2020 recap #happy new year #writing #vidding #fanfic #spop #catradora #demons #hail mary #satisfaction #the sting in my eyes #a better son/daughter #unstoppable #i’m not jesus

[joecial-distancing]

2021 Roundup!

Another month down, another chance to take stock and look back, and even better, it’s the end of the year! which meannnnns...... list season babey!

Before media lists, though, I want to double back on life highlights, how I did with 2021 goals, etc. there were a lot of them!

Highlights - I got into fermenting, which has been fun & delicious - Moved in with my girlfriend, which has been incredible - Started running again - Managed to do some traveling: went to Puerto Rico, and the American Southwest - Went to something like 5 weddings in three months - Finally went to get screened for ADHD, got the diagnosis, and started medication (substantial quality-of-life improvement!)

2021 Resolutions in review:

Get moving on jobsearch and figure out why it’s so hard for me to do This one’s finally got some momentum in the last stretch here, but it took way longer than I’d wanted. Originally was hoping to have this wrapped up over the summer.

Recommit to health: stretch more, and most importantly fix sleep schedule One-upped this by regularly going running again, though started slacking on stretching on non-running days. Committed extremely well to normalizing my sleep, though (helps to live with an early-to-bed/early-to-rise partner).

Reestablish routine of reading did pretty well with regular bedtime reading for a while, but started flagging pretty hard halfway through the year. Also I think I kind of burned myself out on too much Pynchon. I also gave up on a lot of books this year, which is probably healthy in the long run, but I still don’t like doing it. Hoping to recommit this one for next year

Write more: Ehhh, did monthly review posts here, wrote some stuff about Dune... not super happy with that output, but it’s more than nothing.

Take more initiative: specifically regarding friends and hobbies Did pretty bad with this one, I feel like if anything I’ve gotten even more reclusive.

Will cover 2022 resolutions in a different post once the year actually hits, I think

2021 media consumption tracking [toot toot]:

Books!

Real big-picture societal construction fascination happening this year, apparently. And/or a lot of Thomas Pynchon. Love his stuff, but will probably be good to take a break for a while

Midwest Futures: Really nice read, particularly myself being a child of the Midwest. Historical perspective as a place plotted, seized, and settled with the explicit goal of generating money, and the weirdness induced by regional mythmaking that papers over this history with an obsession with being The Average.

The Odyssey (Emily Wilson translation): Posted about this one a bit, but my big takeaways were 1.) this translation had me understanding meter and why it’s interesting in a much more visceral way than I’d really been exposed to before; and 2.) I keep trying to remember this story as seafaring adventures, when really the text is mostly about a guy and his son taking their shit back from people who you as the audience cannot wait to see get slaughtered.

Mason & Dixon: I finished this thinking it wasn’t one of my preferred Pynchons, but it keeps sneakily coming back to mind as I read other stuff involving 18th-century America (Midwest Futures, and particularly The Dawn of Everything). It’s also an interesting book to read as someone whose career has relied a lot on satellite imagery and land surveying — it has a lot to say on the way these means of interacting with the world comprise systems of control and submission. The survey line whose construction the majority of the book depicts comes to represent in no uncertain terms a sort of original sin for the land that will become the United States.

Kapital p1: Stalled out on this after the first section, unfortunately

The Shining: It was good to read an early King from before he’d really begun to solidify his preferred building blocks

Inherent Vice: Read this after watching the movie, which was maybe somewhat helpful for keeping anchored. The rare Pynchon where the writing itself wasn’t actively challenging. In a lot of ways it feels to me like a second pass on a lot of the stuff that he’d covered in Vineland, but delivered a lot more tightly and clean.

The Confidence-Man: Also tapped out on this one partway through. Felt like I’d gotten the gist of it, and wanted to move onto other stuff. Might revisit later.

Dune! (reread): For whatever reason, I’d had it in my head that Herbert’s weird proclivities didn’t start to poke through until later books, but even with this first one there’s a lot of various messiness that I think I hadn’t really picked up on back when I first read it. Like I was too busy trying to keep all the setting in my head to notice where he’s going with certain themes, and how entire long plot threads get no payoff whatsoever. Still an A+ read.

Against the Day: probably my second-favorite Pynchon, takes a real long walk through the transition of the 19th century to the 20th. In addition to stuff I’d written about this earlier, it puts a light onto aspects of the buildup to WWI that I otherwise probably wouldn’t have passively encountered, e.g. the relations of the Ottoman Empire against Austria-Hungary, the prevalence of anarchist movements, and the scale of the russian empire’s ethnic heterogeneity (if not equity).

Molloy: I tried so hard with this one, but had to tap out. Eyes sliding right off the page

The Master and Margarita: Russian Lit continuing to have a good hit rate for me. A very weird, funny, and often sweet read. High-tier devil depiction, though going with a Faust-inspired devil’s usually a winner. I really felt as the thing was winding down that it turned into a real case of a story made by a writer for fuckin writers, y’know? Which still works extremely well given the censorship jokes and the actual hellishness of this book’s publication history.

Mumbo Jumbo: I had a really bad sense the whole way through of which parts were meant to be satirical, and which were dead-serious but dressed as satirical (by which I mostly mean the knights templar stuff). The parable of Atonism toward the end was outstanding.

Bleeding Edge: Maybe I was burned out on Pynchon, maybe Pynchon was burned out on Pynchon, who can say really. Definitely a sense that I as a reader of Pynchon was being deliberately fucked with for being exactly that, which, fair play if so.

The Dawn of Everything: Book in progress!

Movies

Animal House: not all that good. Sorry to a generation that apparently grew up with this. Like seriously, there’s so many people I’ve encountered whose sense of humor is entirely beholden to like a particular era of SNL, it’s so fuckin annoying

Blues Brothers: Belushi twofer I guess. I liked the musician cameos and surprise carrie fisher appearance quite a bit.

Easy A: Think I prefer 10 Things I Hate About You for highschool lit adapted as teen movie, but pretty charming, still.

Mank: Not the kind of thing I really want to be going to David Fincher for.

Magnolia: an all-time favorite movie now. Absolutely wonderful & touching, delivers so hard it gets away with stuff I’d never tolerate from other movies.

Inherent Vice: Really need to rewatch this after having read the book

Britney doc: if there’s two things I hate a fuckin lot, it’s paparazzi and people playing dumb, so hoo boy,

Jaws: I’d never seen this before! Excellent reminder of how good Spielberg’s been capable of being

Lethal Weapon/Lethal Weapon 2: man, remember mel gibson being in things?

Dr. Strangelove (rewatch): stone-cold classic

Xfiles movie: The one where they go to antarctica. thoroughly mediocre.

Smokin’ Aces: Absolutely perfect idea for a movie, so it’s a shame the movie itself doesn’t really live up to the concept. Extremely funny use of Ben Affleck, though.

Godfathers Rewatch (I and II): They’re quite good. Wish my italian were better.

Cliffhanger: Jesus Christ this one surprised me. Genuinely scary setpieces, good fights, outstanding John Lithgow performance. Opening scene actually freaked me out a lot.

Promising Young Woman: one of the most muddled endings to a thing I’ve seen in a while.

Die Hard: Hadn’t seen this one before either! extremely well-deserved reputation, RIP Alan Rickman.

Aliens: I need to get my hands on Alien 3 at some point to test my hot take that it’s better than this one. Quotable, though!

Mr. Vampire: this was a riot start to finish

8 1/2: Quintessential movie about a Type of Guy. Also a filmmaker’s-ass movie about filmmaking. Another movie that makes me wish my italian was better, Only character talking slow enough that I could pick up on was explicitly not from italy.

Gamer: Clocks in at a kind of The Mummy level, where it doesn’t actually have to be good to be compelling.

Midsommar: haha oh my god that boyfriend’s such a piece of shit! The descent kept going to the point that it stopped being annoying and started being hilarious

Fight Club: K, box checked, worth the watch for sure.

Bo Burnham’s Insides: went in kind of expecting to not like it, ended up being really won over.

50 Shades of Grey: hahaaaa hey guys he’s 50 shades of fucked up!!

Black Widow: poor use of Rachel Weisz, but Florence Pugh completely upstaged everyone in this.

Project marvel rewatch: doing real deep dive on all feature films under the banner, chronological order, revisiting fond nostalgia and gritting our teeth through some fucking dreck. Not gonna list all of them, just certain highlights, things that really made me feel:

Howard the Duck: all-time contender among wretched movies, incredible piece of shit. Horrible viewing experience but fond memories.

Bana Hulk and Norton Hulk: Both of these were actually pretty good! Bana one in particular, Nick Nolte's performance is completely unhinged, it’s great.

Daredevil: Evanescence needle drop and Colin Farrell’s performance redeem so much about this one.

Even as a Nic Cage vehicle, Ghost Rider doesn’t hold up

xmen 3 and fantastic 4 are remembered as these irredeemably terrible movies, but really they’re just mediocre on the scale of things

The romance writing in the Raimi Spidermans is completely insane, but the directing and performances are still wildly better than basically all the rest of these.

Disney takes over, removes sexuality, removes music (and wants backpats when it occasionally puts it back in), adds military bullshit, goes all-in on really cheap-looking cg effects

Hot Rod: watched this then immediately could call to mind everyone I knew in high school who had clearly seen this

Rocky Horror Picture Show: I wish I liked this more, and the first third or so is genuinely really fun

Hocus Pocus: lotta fun!

Practical Magic: unfairly good cast

Casper: Man, remember movie sets?

Some netflix christmas movie with brooke shields and the guy from princess bride: It was fine. They kind of decided to underplay the requisite fight-that-threatens-to-tear-them-apart, which was nice.

White Christmas: One time my sister and I were invited to join my brother and his then-girlfriend’s family to a screening of this, but, like, a rocky horror style screening where the audience is supposed to be shouting and saying things to the screen. So right off the bat this is the lamest idea for an event, but then my brother had to bail on this for some reason, so it’s just my sister and I at this bad show with Not Our family. Nothing about this situation made any fucking sense.

TV

X-files: Watched every episode of this wretched show, including the revival seasons. I had a brief window of goodwill circa s2-3 that is pretty much entirely evaporated by now. Can’t believe people put up with this show.

Documental: some of the funniest stuff I’ve seen in a really long time. There’s a weird element, where, like I really hate laugh tracks on sitcoms, but something that I think is key to making this show work is that Matsumoto is also being recorded concurrent to the action, just completely laughing his head off at the stuff that’s going on.

Taskmaster: a delight

The Expanse: The main actor's a weak link imo, but solid sci-fi show.

I Think You Should Leave: Tried watching s1 with a friend once and couldn’t really connect with this. But watching it alone, though...

Only Murders in the Building: I like the people in this, show’s mediocre though

What We Do in the Shadows (s3): still staying funny for me

Over the Garden Wall: never saw this before, even though I’m sure that this has to have a pretty vocal fanbase.

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency: can definitely feel the douglas adams in this, s2 was kind of ruined a bit by a lot of really obnoxious performances.

Games

fuck, man, I dunno... played a lot of Into the Breach and Hades in the first part of the year, and a lot of Slay the Spire in the second part, tried replaying Diablos 2 and 3, neither of which stuck for very long

Hollow Knight: this was really fun for a while, but I ended up getting way too bogged down toward the end, wound up not finishing.

Sekiro: Made for a very good summer project. This kind of ruined the Souls games for me, though, I can’t go back to dealing with a stamina bar now.

Deltarune ch2, Undertale revisit: The games aren’t long enough to really get properly lost in them, but deltarune is extremely good, and undertale holds up, even if it can’t recapture the first playthrough.

Music?

good fuckin question.

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (epilogue)

Song referenced is by Radical Face, my favorite musician in the world, please listen to it below

[ Original | Piano ]

-------------------

From the hole in the wall, Turbo heard the front doors of the arcade close as Litwak left the building, the jangle of his keys as he locked up, and then the call of someone off in their game announcing to all the others that the work day was over.

In approximately fifteen minutes, travel between the Game Stations would be opened up by Surge, and Mavis would be headed Turbo’s way, on her well-practiced route through the maze of wires in the wall. After ten hours of reading, he had fifteen minutes to come up with something resembling a suitable response.

Those ten hours had been restless, fitful, broken up by periods of pacing around the station just to keep up with his racing thoughts. By the end of the day, his mind had become nothing but a blur, indecipherable, deafening, droning, and he gave up the chase. He merely sat on the floor in front of the hole that served as a window out into the arcade, fatigue weighing heavy on his mind and body. Mavis’ notebook had been placed backside-up next to him, lying still like a defeated enemy.

Turbo hugged one knee to his chest, counting the minutes that marched on by, too weary to even construct a proper greeting to have prepared for his partner’s arrival. 

His fifteen minutes were up too soon. Behind him, down the entrance corridor into the abandoned station, he heard a crack of static typical of a sprite arriving via the electrical currents in the wall. A moment passed, and then he heard Mavis’ footfalls approaching with the pace of a sprite carrying a heavy burden. She said nothing, and he stayed silent as well, only managing to look her way once she arrived next to him.

Glancing up, he saw her standing there, alive and whole. Her guitar was slung over her back, and she squeezed the strap across her chest, not quite meeting his gaze. She just eyed the book on the floor, tensed like she was ready to make a dive for it.

“So…” she said, voice low, “...how much did you read?”

Turbo blinked and drew in a slow, deep breath as he offered up the notebook to her in one hand. “All of it,” he exhaled.

Mavis paused in thought for just a moment, but took the book and held it safely against her body. “Hm,” she grunted.

Silence carried on for a while, until Turbo noticed Mavis’ foot twitching almost imperceptibly back in the direction of the station’s entrance. He weighed his options -- asking her to leave would give him far more time to think, but that in itself put a twist of dread in his stomach. So he patted the ground next to him, inviting her to stay and put him out of his misery. Mavis broke out of her indecisive stasis in an almost grateful way, sitting quickly. She placed her guitar off to the side, but rested the notebook on her crossed legs. She skirted her fingers over the ridges of dried paint on the cover as she stared out into the arcade with Turbo. It was some time before the tension in the air relaxed just enough to allow conversation to escape.

“I, uh…” Mavis said quietly, but clearly, “I’ve been thinking about it all day, and… I feel like maybe… after sharing this with you, my uh… intent could have gotten lost in translation. I… wasn’t really clear, earlier. I’m… glad to clarify, if you have questions.”

“If I have questions?” Turbo almost laughed in an incredulous, lost sort of way. Mavis gave him a side glance and an apologetic half-smile, which pricked him with guilt. “Sorry, that sounded kind of…” he shook his head, hoping his thoughts would fall into place, and continued earnestly, “I have… I have questions, of course. I got a lot of other stuff to say, too. I don’t even know where to start.”

“Yeah. I figured that might be the case. It… I mean, I know it was a lot. But just…” she shrugged, “just be honest. Don’t think, just start talking. It’ll come. That’s a trick that always helped me in counselling.”

Turbo took a second to just look at her. She looked back at him with eyes that were at once so anxious and so open. This was the girl who used to shove him just for sitting a bit too close. This was the girl who, since their reunion, had shocked him awake so many nights with shrieks and sobbing over night terrors, coming apart in his arms and still refusing to share her fears with him. As he looked into her eyes, he could still see fear. But her gaze was steady, unwavering, with not even a twitch to suggest she was about to turn away.

A quiet awe stirred in Turbo’s chest, and the desire to match her bravery.

“Mav, you know, I…” he sighed, turning his gaze forward again, “I… just… I know what you’re trying to tell me with all this. I am… gonna need some clarification, though. You said, in there, I’d find proof that… y’know, that any of this,” he gestured around to the desolate, cold station they sat in, “...is any good for you. And I gotta say, I feel like I found a whole lot more evidence to the contrary.”

Mavis thought about that for a moment, and seemed like she had something to say, but apparently decided she wanted to hear his take first. She prompted, “Like what?”

“Pfft,” Turbo shrugged dramatically, gesturing a bit to the book in her lap, “like… all of it. I… I don’t like hurting you, Mav. I know I’ve said that already. But damn, have I just hurt you time n’ time again. And from what I read in there, y’know, eventually, you were makin’ a better life for yourself without me. Now I’m back, and I’ve roped you into this dumpster fire of a life I’ve got now. I’m just… bad for you.”

He managed to meet Mavis’ eyes, and they were a little pained. Her brow furrowed as she thought for a moment, picking her words. “Turbo…” she began carefully, “I have made a better life for myself. But it wasn’t made better by the absence of you. It was made better by the work I did. Me being here is not ruining everything I’ve worked for. I’m still sober. I still have a functional social life. I am doing really well. No one else is gonna change that, not even you."

Sighing, Turbo pushed his hand back through his greasy tangle of hair.

Mavis added softy but firmly, “I choose to be here. We make our own choices, remember? We had a pretty damn similar conversation, the night before you left.”

“I know,” Turbo muttered, his fingers still woven into his hair. “I know. I just… I meant what I said, that night. I still want to be good for you. As good as you are for me. That's probably a pipe dream nowadays… I mean, what can I even offer you anymore?”

A soft exhale left Mavis’ nose. “Are you kiddin'? Even just the knowledge that you’re alive would have been good enough for me. But on top of that… I get to see you. I get to talk to you. I get to touch you. All things I thought I’d never do again.”

Turbo glanced at her, and found her smiling sadly.

She continued, “And, best of all… I get a second chance to help you, now. To be there for you… the way I wish I'd been before. That's good enough for me.”

Mavis’ words brought up thoughts about certain parts of the book, parts he found particularly distressing. Parts that loomed the largest in his mind, at once the most important and most daunting to face. He turned his head to look at her properly, scrutinizing her, feeling his heavy heart burn in his belly. 

“Mav…” he said, catching her gaze in his and holding it silently, long enough for her sad smile to fade, and for the seriousness of his tone to really solidify. “You said, in that book, that you felt like you’d failed me. Do you still think that?”

She seemed a bit taken aback. “Oh,” she said, eyes darting to the book in her lap. “No. I’ve moved past most of that by now.”

“‘Most?’”

“The worst of it, yeah,” she gave him a short glance and a shrug. “At its worst, I thought I’d gotten you killed just by being in your life. None of that’s on the table anymore. But, you know, even if it wasn’t my fault, that doesn’t mean I can’t have… regrets. Things I wish I’d done better.” 

“...You did not fail me, Mav.”

At that, Mavis locked eyes with him again. Beyond anticipation for an explanation, the emotions on her face were hard to read. When she simply waited, Turbo blew out a sigh and looked out into the arcade again.

“Look… I don’t blame you for… blaming yourself,” he explained. “I didn’t exactly leave you with much evidence otherwise. So, I’ll tell you right now. The morning that I killed Roadblasters, and I left you alone in my bed, I didn’t say goodbye, because… I fully expected to see you again that night. I didn’t plan to do what I did. I just… did. Mav, you…” he closed his eyes, unable to keep a twinge of pain from entering his voice, “...you did more for me than anyone. You did… everything. But… nothing you could have done… or anyone could have done… would have mattered. I know that because… no one’s ever meant more to me than you, and even so, I… didn’t think of you at all… when I attacked Roadblasters. I didn’t think of anyone. Not you, not my brothers, not even myself. I just… shut down. I couldn’t feel anything. Nothing felt real. Next thing I knew, I’d just… destroyed everything I had.”

Turbo paused to breathe, exhausted by the weight of his own words. Burying his hand in his hair again, he bowed his head to rest it against his bent arm, and waited. It took a little while, but Mavis eventually started a quiet, sober reply.

“I know. I get it. I spent so long trying to figure out just how the hell you could do what you did, but… then I learned the hard way that believing you’ve lost something so important to you can drive you to do some… crazy things, to say the least. I’m just lucky that I had so many sprites willing to help me. I know what you did wasn’t my fault. I just wish that I could have given you the same help I’ve gotten. Maybe it would have made a difference.”

With a small sigh through his nose, Turbo opened one eye just to peer at her from the corner of it. She had her knees up, resting her folded arms on top of them, and she was looking out into the arcade, eyes clouded with wistful thought. After a second, she noticed him watching her, and offered him an affectionate half-smile.

“Thank you, by the way…” she nodded a bit. “Y’know, for saying that. I think I still needed to hear it.”

After reading all day about his dear partner’s prolonged suffering, her smile was a ray of sunlight on Turbo’s face. It served to calm him, to slow his thoughts just enough for them to appear clearly again, and as they did, everything he had longed to tell her over the course of the day came back to him. 

One thing in particular demanded to be first.

“There’s something else you need to hear,” he told her.

“What?”

Turbo straightened up, leaning back on the heels of his palms, gaze turned forward again. He licked his lips in thought as the words formed fully, and then began to speak. “I should have told you sooner. I guess I didn’t realize just how important it was for you to know, not ‘til I read that you thought my ‘death’ was on you, somehow. See… I guess I have to begin this with… a confession of sorts,” he gave her a bit of a rueful look. “You remember, back when I got hooked on your Shield buffs, and I eventually kicked the habit, so to speak… I told you I got rid of all the buffs I had stored up. Sold ‘em, gave ‘em away, whatever.”

“I remember,” she nodded with a knowing look. “You kept one, huh?”

“Yep. Did you know?”

“No,” she smirked, “I’m just a recovering addict.”

“Fair enough,” he managed a small smirk back, before turning his eyes back to the glimmering lights of the arcade. “Anyway… I kept one, just one, in a question block, tucked away in my garage, where I knew you wouldn’t find it. It stayed there for… at least a couple of years, and I never touched it. But the morning of the… incident, I… I took the block with me into gameplay. I just threw it in my car and drove around, waiting for a quarter alert. I… don’t know exactly why I did. I guess I was just… desperate for some way to get through the day. Maybe I thought I could use the invulnerability to my advantage in-game, and drum up some attention. Give the gamers something fresh, y’know. But it didn’t matter, ‘cause… no gamers came, anyway. They were all at Roadblasters, as usual. That’s… right around when I lost my mind… and drove out into Game Central. I… did everything I did, and then… when I crashed that Roadblasters car into Game Central, and I was wedged beneath it, I thought, for a second, that I was done for. But… then I remembered that I still had the Shield buff.”

He paused to look over at Mavis, certain that by that point, she must have known where the story was headed. Her eyes were wide and severe, lips parted, confirming his suspicions. Knowing that she needed to hear it out loud, he continued.

“I took that Shield… right before that explosion hit. With the invulnerability, and the chaos, I was just barely able to make it out and slip away. I made it into your game, and… after the Shield wore off, I felt all the code in my car… burning into nothing. I started glitching so hard that I lost consciousness… and I woke up… weeks later… finding that I’d fallen into darkness beneath your game’s map. What I mean is... Mavis… I wouldn’t have survived without the buff you gave me.”

He looked deeply and steadily into her eyes, ensuring that she was listening very clearly. “You blamed yourself for my death? You saved my life.”

Mavis was stunned to silence and stillness, unbroken even by breathing. The meaning of his words seemed to settle over her like snowfall, the chill bringing a tremble, and the growing weight hanging heavy on her shoulders. Her gaze broke gently away from his, falling into a deep well of thought that began to softly overflow down her cheeks. A shuddering breath finally left her, joined by a look of shaken, reluctant, overwhelming relief.

Turbo shifted himself until he sat hip to hip with her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to cry against his collar. Her tears came quietly, but she trembled as if a foundation deep inside was crumbling. Turbo could only hope that was a good thing as he held her close.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered into her hair, voice quivering, blinking out a couple tears of his own. “I’m sorry for everything you went through. All the grief I put you through. I’m so sorry for leaving you, right after I promised I wouldn’t. Right after I begged you not to leave me. How could I do that to you, Mav?”

Mavis sniffed, and after a couple of deep, unsteady breaths, she managed to soothe most of the tremors out of her body. The only reply she offered him was the act of taking his hand and lacing her fingers through his. Trying not to become too distracted by the sudden heat in his chest, Turbo just squeezed her hand tightly and kept talking.

“I can’t believe everything you went through in the time I was gone. I’m honestly… I’m amazed that you’re even here with me right now, and you didn’t end up just another… casualty to my... phenomenal mistake. You know, I… I couldn’t see everything from under your game. Most of the stuff in that book, I had no idea of. But from what I saw of you… I was worried. I saw you taking GC. I already figured you would never want to speak to me again, but… sometimes I wondered if… you’d even be around to get the chance. But, here you are… somehow stronger than ever. You’re…” he sighed in broken awe, “...amazing. I’m damn lucky you’re still in my life. It’s more than I deserve.”

By the time he finished talking, Mavis’ tears had slowed and her body had calmed. She had moved from burying her face against his collar to simply leaning her head on his shoulder comfortably. Silence carried on for a little while. Mavis rubbed her thumb absent-mindedly over Turbo’s hand, more than once taking a breath to speak and saying nothing. 

At last, she said slowly, thoughtfully, “Turbo… That letter I wrote for your funeral... Do you want to know what it said?”

Turbo’s heart stalled for a beat, and his ears flushed with burning curiosity. The fact that she was the one to bring it up washed a small wave of relief over his mind. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I do.”

“Well…” she began, taking a brief pause for thought. Against his shoulder, Turbo felt her jaw tighten for a second as she swallowed, and the breath she drew in after was audibly dry. When she continued, her words were as carefully measured and balanced as the first steps of a tightrope walk. “It said that… despite anything I might have written in that book… I don’t regret letting you in. I’m glad you were my friend. When I lost you, I was angry, because I felt like you’d stolen my happiness away, but in the end… it was worth it to have had that happiness at all. To have learned that friendships could bring that much joy in the first place. You… helped me realize that…” she sighed with a shrug, “...love is worth the risk. It’s worth braving the grief for. Because, the fact is… from start to finish, with the highs and lows alike, knowing you has changed my life for the better. You’re just… so much more important to me than I ever told you, or even understood for myself. And, in the letter, I also told you that… even though it was too late for me to keep you safe, I would guard your memory, and watch over it always, like I promised.”

No appropriate, or even coherent, reply came to Turbo’s mind. He stared ahead, but saw nothing, all his senses distracted by the hot sparks bursting out of his racing heart. 

“So…” Mavis concluded, “we might have different ideas about what you deserve, at this point. But can you agree, after everything you just read, that I deserve this chance to keep you safe for real?”

Turbo took a deep breath, struggling to keep from trembling, failing to keep a few tears from escaping down his cheeks. Squeezing her shoulder, he simply replied, “Yeah. Okay. You win this round.”

She gave a short, quiet laugh of appreciation. “That’s not a sentiment I hear from you every day.”

He smiled. “Har, har.”

For a time, the mere act of being nestled against each other seemed like conversation enough. A long while went by without a single word spoken. Thoughts still swirled around Turbo’s tired mind, ones that had to be shared, but he was able to string them together at a calmer pace. Just as he was about to break the silence, Mavis beat him to it.

“Out of curiosity…” she muttered, “in the book, around the part where I describe the buff trip I had, the one where I remembered our last night together… and I promised that no matter what happened, I’d never forget you… Was that just part of the hallucination? Did you actually hear any of that?”

“I didn’t. But it sure came true, huh?” He half-smiled regretfully. “You’re the one sprite who’s gonna remember me properly.”

“Not the only sprite to miss you, though. That’s something.”

“Yeah, something…” he mumbled, recalling exactly what it was that Mavis wrote. “And, hey. For the record. I remember what you said about yourself in that promise. Get that out of your head, alright? No one’s ever gonna forget you. How could they?”

“Oh,” Mavis sat up a bit from his shoulder, caught off guard. “Geez, I really did write everything in there… It’s not a problem, T. I kind of don’t care anymore. That’s… Easter Egg stuff, y’know. I was talking more about the gamers than anyone else. As for the rest of the arcade, well, I’m sure I’ve caused enough trouble here to make something of a lasting impression.”

Mavis punctuated the end of her sentence with a cheeky grin and a wink, but there was a deflective air to it that Turbo found impossible to ignore. His brow furrowed, and he did not return the smile.

“You know you’ll be remembered as more than just a pest, right?”

Her smile fell slowly, and she averted her gaze with a small clearing of her throat. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Turbo searched his mind again, trying to pinpoint what he was about to tell her just a moment ago, feeling quite urgently that she needed to hear it.

“Mavis… I didn’t write you a letter, or anything like that,” he said gently, “but… when I was trapped under your game, I thought about our last night together a lot, too. And… there was definitely something I wished I’d told you then. I was, uh… never sure if either of us would live to see another day, so I figured I’d never get to say it. Do you want to know what it was?”

Quiet curiosity took over Mavis, and she merely tilted her head at him in response, her eyes a conflict between eagerness and trepidation.

Turbo’s gaze fell to their entwined hands. Once upon a time, all the contact Mavis could manage was her pinky hooked under his. There was something remarkable about the sight of all of their fingers woven together, something that gave him the courage to speak the truth. 

“Okay…” he breathed a soft sigh before beginning. “It’s… not much. I didn’t really dream of wasting much of your time, if I somehow got to speak to you again. Thinking back to that night, I just kept remembering the stupid-ass thing I said about… the gamers wasting their love on you. I… couldn’t get your reaction out of my mind. How hurt you were. How hard you cried. I cut you so deep, Mav. I know I apologized already, but I should have said more than that. You should know that…” pausing for another steadying sigh, he squeezed her hand, “...I’m not wasting my love on you. I’ve always known that I… don’t exactly have a lot of love to divvy up between a lot of sprites. I knew that if I was even capable of falling in love… that one sprite would get everything I have to give.”

He raised his gaze to meet Mavis’ once more, finding her expression soft, her eyes glassy. A small, sweet smile was pulled into her cheek. The fact that she did not seem surprised at all was a deep, cleansing relief, and it made his closing words come easier than he could have imagined.

“Mav…” he said lowly, resting his forehead against her temple, “I’m so lucky that one sprite is you.”

A single, affectionate laugh blew from Mavis’ nose, and Turbo felt her fingers brush against his jawline. “Sweet talker,” she accused him with a whisper.

“Hey, you said yourself,” he breathed through a smile, “my poetry ain’t half bad.”

Mavis released Turbo’s hand to cup both sides of his face, pulling him back from her enough to lock him in her grateful, adoring gaze. “Thank you,” she mouthed, before planting a short kiss on his lips and twisting her body to trap him in a hug. He squeezed her back without hesitation, nuzzling tightly against her neck. Holding her was a blessing. She was in his arms, safe and whole, despite everything. He was not eager to let her go again.

But there was one more thing that Turbo had to address. It seemed, after the embrace carried on long enough to put an ache in his twisted joints, that it was time to stop putting it off. Looking over Mavis’ shoulder, he stared at her guitar, laid on the floor close by.

“So, Mav…” he mumbled, “did you, uh… ever write lyrics to that song you wrote for me?”

“No,” she rubbed his back. “Sorry.”

“Well…” he swallowed, voice failing a bit, “...I did.”

Mavis’ breath caught, and her body stayed frozen for a moment, before she held him back by the shoulders and gave him a quizzical look. “What?”

Suddenly, he found it hard to maintain eye contact. “Yeah. Uh… I mean, you know I saw the whole funeral.”

“Yeah, but… you wrote lyrics? How? I barely had the melody down!”

He shrugged. “You were outside for most of the time you spent coming up with the tune. I just… listened in. And I memorized it. And… then I wrote lyrics.”

Mavis turned her head and squinted sideways at him.

“Do… you…” he spoke slowly, “want… to hear it?”

“I…” her incredulous gaze fell, and the tension in her body relaxed. “Yeah. Of course.”

“Grab your guitar.”

With that, Mavis turned and pulled her old, scratched-up guitar into her lap. As she started making sure it was tuned properly, Turbo took the opportunity to place himself behind her and wrap his arms around her waist.

“Now…” he began, unsure, “do keep in mind, that… I guess, uh… this is kind of like my… notebook. What I mean is, I didn’t think I’d ever get to show you this, either. And… I was in a different space, so… it’s pretty… sad. Just… keep that in mind.”

“Alright. Yeah. I get it,” Mavis agreed. With a glance over her shoulder, she told him, “Ready when you are.”

Adrenaline sent tremors deep into Turbo’s belly, but Mavis’ bravery in sharing her deeply personal journal was, somehow, so contagious. She could share her deepest scars, so he could do the same.

“Okay,” he whispered. “I call this one ‘Homesick.’”

The word earned him one more silent, meaningful glance, and he responded with a kiss pressed to her cheek. From there, it was a deep breath in, a deep breath out. Fingers against her belly, he gently tapped a tempo to lead her into the song.

One, two, three… One, two, three…

“Well, I left my home on hollow bones

While you were curled and sleepin’

And I wandered far beneath a concrete star

And I slept along the highways

But even though I am lost all the time

I’ve got hooks in my sides that you left there

But you’re not the same, you died along the way

Now we’re ghosts, and we’re prayin’ for winter…”

For a few beats, he rested his broken, quiet voice. Mavis’ head turned, but she did not look at him, nor did she stop playing, for Turbo’s fingers still tapped against her. Softly, he carried on the mournful serenade.

“Well, I found a wheel that squeaks and squeals

And I left it on your doorstep

‘Cause I heard that you might be broken, too

And I thought it could keep you company…”

As the final chorus arrived, Turbo heard Mavis’ trembling voice join his own.

“But even though I am lost all the time

I’ve got hooks in my sides that you left there

But you’re not the same, you died along the way

Now we’re ghosts, and we’re prayin’ for winter…”

#fanfiction #fanfic #wreck it ralph #turbo #make it mavis #original character #homesick #thats all folks!

[guillemelgat]

2021 Languages!

Okay so I think I’m starting to figure out things that work better for studying and things that don’t work as well, so hopefully this year will be a bit more consistent and better than last year. Here’s the breakdown:

5 Main Languages

These 5 languages were the ones that I decided last year I wanted to be my priority, and so I’m going to be focusing most of my study efforts on them (much as I would like to focus efforts on all of my languages, there are just too many ;;-;;):

Catalan - I really just have to be ready to take the C2 test, because I want to take it in the spring of my fourth year (2022). I’m going to try to keep watching shows, maybe attempt to listen to a podcast, read more books, and perhaps return to writing in Catalan more often. I would really like to try to do as many things as possible in Catalan, so the goal is to make as many of my daily habits in Catalan as I can. Besides that I’m not really sure what to do, since C1-C2 is really hard to maintain if I’m not living in Catalonia.

Basque - I know I say this every year, but I think if I put in hard work this time around, I will actually get to a B1-B2 in Basque. I need to review lots of grammar stuff and solidify it, and also need to learn lots more vocab, but I think if I do the thing where I look up words in songs that I don’t know, that might help. Also I’m going to try watching shows! Maybe if I have time, I’ll do the writing thing again as well, I think it helped a lot.

Welsh - This is also definitely 100% the year where I break through and start speaking better Welsh. I have a friend to study with, I have a plan, and I’m ready to get the B1. I’m going to try to finish all of SSiW, and do more vocab stuff on Memrise, then actually practice by listening to music and talking to my friend.

Malayalam - By the end of the year, I want to have a larger vocabulary. I think I have somewhat of a grammar foundation, but I know like 10 words and I can never connect them into sentences. The goal is to listen to more music, talk to my dad, and compile some vocabulary lists that I then will actually study. I also just really need to practice speaking/writing and listening.

Romani - I’m going to try to be more active in the server that I’m in, talking with people more often so that I can learn more words. I’m also going to try to read more of my book and listen to the radio that someone on the server recommended. By the end of the year, I want to be able to have a conversation in Romani, and to be able to feel that I’ve officially moved on to being an intermediate learner.

Other Languages

I have a lot of time right now to study languages that I probably won’t anytime in the future, so I do want to work on improving/studying some other languages that I’ve kind of been neglecting. These are the top four that I really want to work on:

Amharic - I was able to talk a bit in Amharic with my Ethiopian friend last summer, and I want to get back into studying Amharic and actually get better at it this time so that I can talk to him (and stay in contact that way, because we’re both terrible at staying in contact with other people). I’m going to try to finish Colloquial Amharic and then I’ll see where to go from there.

Kurdish - I want to listen to more Kurdish music and also to finish the textbook that I was using in class. I might also try to take a look at the other textbook my teacher recommended, but the basic textbook is first priority, I’m just trying to build a base in the language atm.

Tamasheq - This is what I said last year, but I need to review vocabulary and also verb conjugations which are so ;;-;; complicated ;;-;;. And then maybe get the book that goes with the course I used on inter-library loan next fall (if I can) because that might help a bit to get used to understanding the language and serve as a stepping stone for understanding the lyrics to songs.

Bambara/Wolof - I haven’t decided which of the two of these I want to learn first, ideally I’d like to study both of them but I think I’ll probably study Bambara now because it’s the lingua franca of Mali, a place I would really like to go someday. I also do want to learn some Wolof, but it’s less important??? I have Peace Corps courses for both, so I think I’ll just go through that and see how far I get.

That’s pretty much it, the rest of my languages I’m going to leave dormant for now unless I really want to go back to them. Hopefully I can see some improvement in both my languages and the world in 2021, here’s to a new year of learning!

#this is so rambly i'm sorry #my brain is just fully unhinged at this point it puts words on page and i have no ability to regulate what it's doing #but yeah the goal is to just do a lot of strengthening and building of bases #also i really really need to just talk to people #like if i did that it would help so much #anyways we'll see how quickly i burn out :p #language goals #sdfhjsdhfjkhdsjkfhjksd edit because i said this was for 2020. it's not 2020 is dead and gone #general:goals #catalan:goals #basque:goals #welsh:goals #romani:goals #malayalam:goals #amharic:goals #kurdish:goals #tamasheq:goals #bambara:goals #wolof:goals #catalan:general #basque:general #welsh:general #romani:general #malayalam:general #amharic:general #kurdish:general #tamasheq:general #bambara:general #wolof:general

[twitchesandstitches]

hypothetical idea i was working over for the ‘dial a superpower’ but for Tia; should probably not be taken as canon unless it’s interesting enough

---------------

Tia squirmed around, and it was a nice illustration that she didn't exactly have a conventional skeletal structure. It wasn't easy to say what was supporting her body, really; there was definitely some kind of rigid structure supporting her, but whatever it was, it was a lot more elastic than it really needed to be.

Her hips pivoted almost in a completely three-sixty-degree angle, like a chair rotating itself all the way around. Her plump belly and midsection twisted up like a spring, and her upper body whirled around, weighed a few different directions by her gigantic breasts swaying her all around. Her massive curtain of cotton candy colored hair flopped around in thick strands like masses of silky seaweed, and the whole thing just jiggled in every direction imaginable, going from sexy to silly to vaguely repulsive to watch, and all the way back the other direction.

And on a pair of legs like stilts. It was actually kind of funny, Chopstop mused, that her thighs were so thick, such splendidly massive hamhocks that anyone should be glad to slide their head between, and then her knees, and BOOM. Her legs slimmed down to... well, a pair of stilts. That was the best you could say about them. They narrowed significantly, coming down to slender points or perhaps a kind of pod, and several stubby toes poked out there.

A body like a mass of organic jello without actually being a slime-type; bundles of ever shifting organs structured more like a mechanical dungeon than an organic creature, and bending around so much that she was now able to look straight down at her butt. It was horrifyingly fun to watch.

She produced a small creaking noises as she abruptly snapped back into her normal shape, her elasticity finally reaching its limit. "Whee!" She said, and went straight back to squirming.

"Oh, come on," Chopstop said, one of the robotic armatures extending from a harness around her body inserting something into her body. "I've seen literal kids not be this whiny at a doctor visit!"

Tia crossed her arms and made a grumpy noise. "Hmph," she rumbled, scowling adorably. "Is it installed, yet?"

"You can't tell?" One of Chopstop's armatures inserted the last of a seemingly unrelated series of devices; a lengthy strip of psychically resonant fibers against what you had to call Tia's spine, several battery-shaped canisters to be placed throughout her body in a relay system, and so on. "You made the thing."

Tia rumbled again, and it sounded a deflective sort of noise; not exactly a laugh, or a cry, or anything inbetween. All of those at once; her gills flapped and swelled, so thickly she could have put her hand around them, and the deep black of her shimmering skin turned a faint green, just around the gills. It all faded, and the moment passed.

Chopstop wondered, not for the first time, if it had once been the body language of a forgotten species Tia had adopted, in her own formal way. If perhaps her weird mannerisms had once been typical of a species no one even remembered; she was so old, after all. Who knew how much of her was adapted to mirror creatures that had long since left any mortal world; speak their languages of body and gesture.

Or perhaps not. It might have simply been her way to mimic the way mortals showed those sort of feelings. Her own fumbling, grasping attempts to mirror mortals in general.

Asking her was pointless. She wouldn't understand the question.

"Hold still," Chopstop said, as her sensors indicated that the last of the devices had married into each other, merging with Tia's adaptable flesh. More than that; she felt it all coming together; her senses were linked to the cybernetics housed within her own body, and they did not speak to her, or something that reported to her. She felt the world through them. Another armature drifted down low, plunging a long rod into Tia's back. "This one is gonna hurt," she added, warningly.

"It's okay, I turned off mine ability to feel pain," Tia said brightly.

"I'd say 'lucky you', but I got one of them pain editors too." Chopstop stuck her tongue out, concentrating. "In one... two..."

Three.

The rod punched out. Tia flinched, more from the impact than actual sensation. She rolled her body around as the rod sunk deeper, the tiny manipulators at the end sinking into a cluster of controlling mechanisms at the core of her new cybernetic suite. It clicked them on, and depowered.

"Okay," Chopstop said, as the rod removed itself from Tia's body, the hole it made sealing up behind. "All set! Your new gear should be working okay."

Tia stood up straight, and examined her arm. Around where her wrist would have been, if her body was more carefully defined, there was a strange device poking up through her skin. It looked a lot like a dial.

"Hrm," she said. "It works?"

"Try it."

Tia twisted the dial back and forth; little holographic selections appeared, and she flipped through them.

As she did, her body transformed. An image of a muscular figure, and her body grew slightly larger, muscles swelling up into an imposing frame. Another figure, with extra arms; an energy field appeared around her body, solidifying into the shape of multiple arms that stuck out from her body, in different sizes and shapes.

Another; her body became living lava. Another; she turned drippy and liquid, more like an actual goo girl. Another, and she swelled up and bounced gently, her whole form growing elastic and rubbery.

Tia continued toying with it, and Chopstop remembered what she'd worked out over time:

Tia did not absorb or consume powers, exactly. She'd always assumed that, hadn't she? But she hadn't actually asked. And as it turned out, she didn't.

It made sense, she supposed. When you consumed, say, a big platter of meat, the meat didn't stay as some abstract idea of MEAT inside you. It just got broke down into its base components, which your body repurposed. So when Tia did the same thing... those powers didn't remain inside her, to be called on.

Instead, they were dissolved into components; aspects of power, that Tia could build back into entirely new abilities, recombining to fit her sense of identity. Exactly how that worked, and what those components actually were, had completely gone over Chopstop's head; the whole discussion had gotten too technical for her.

But the gist of it was that the process was actually kind of... random. Tia didn't actually sit down and think 'aha! Today, I will make big claws that shoot lasers!" Instead, her power naturally reworked itself, based on what she was feeling, and generated a new paradigm for her, using her absorbed powers as the building blocks for that.

And the theory had gone: couldn't it be artificially manipulated?

So they had created a system to do just that; a way to artificially alter her body by directly manipulating those components, forcing it into a new shape.

"Just be careful with that," Chopstop said, collapsing the armatures into a handy-dandy transportable canister; she caught it with a hip bump as it dropped offer her, her massive hips sending it flying into a nearby container marked 'GADGET CRAP AND STUFF'. "That'll probably tire you out and wait what the hell am I doing? You're just going to turn yourself into a puddle or a living bounce house or something like that, no matter what I say."

"Yeah, probably," Tia said. Massive plates appeared on her back, tail and arms, and she somehow contorted her body so that the plates wrapped around her, collapsing into a giant ball. "Whee! I can GO FAST now!"

"...Can I run on top of you? Like an exercise ball! Made of DOOM!"

"Ha hah, yeah!"

Chopstop climbed on top of her. "Just be careful not to push this during combat," she warned. "It's probably something we can work with when things aren't so serious, but your magic REALLY doesn't do well with things getting stressful. Doing this in a fight will probably tax you really hard."

The ball-plates parted slightly. Tia's face poked out. "Story of my life," she said mournfully.

#twitchy!ocs #twitchy!tiashar #twitchy!chopstop #my writing #fics #twitchy!verse

[galactic-magick]

Not So Different: Virgil x Reader

Request: Can I get uhh new side (Pride?) Who is female and everyone is surprised and it's virgil x reader and lots of him being jealous even tho u aren't together and angst and him being the big spoon and stuff ty mwah (sorry if this is badly written I'm going on 1 hours of sleep in the past 2 days hahaha okay - @hhh-angels​

Summary: You are Thomas’s prideful side, and you immediately bond with Roman for obvious reasons. Virgil doesn’t like that very much…

Words: 1400+

Warnings: angst, jealousy

Author’s Notes: I hope you like this! There’s a few time-skips cuz I wanted it to be kinda slow-burn and build up the angst lol. (Also I’d just like to say there is no Roman hate here! He’s kinda viewed as the bad guy in this but I promise I love him plz don’t come after me)

-

-

-

“Hi!” you pop up next to Roman, waving to Thomas. Everyone jumps, but you’re so happy to actually be here that you don’t mind their intense reaction. Deceit’s done a great job at hiding you for years, and you’re finally getting to reveal your existence.

You represent Thomas’s pride. You’re not really either a light or dark side, since pride can be used in so many different ways. Pride can be used for good, such as when Thomas is confident in his achievements, ideas, and sexuality. But if it gets too strong, it can become an issue. Excessive pride can lead to being self-absorbed, insensitive, and arrogant, and unfortunately that may be the reason you’re here.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Thomas asks.

“I’m your pride!” you grin. “But you can just call be Y/N,”

Roman looks you up and down, “But, why are you-?”

“A girl? I just felt like presenting myself this way. Do you need me to change?”

“No, no, of course not! We can sing Disney duets together!” You and Roman immediately start singing “A Whole New World.”

Virgil rolls his eyes.

Thomas stares in disbelief, “I’m still confused, why are you here? Where did you come from?”

“You tell me, Thomas,” you laugh, continuing to sing with Roman.

“Did you guys know about her?”

“Not particularly, no,” Logan and the other sides shake their heads.

“Virgil? Is she another dark side?”

“Not exactly,” he sighs. “But I- I should’ve been able to stop her,”

“Why?”

“Yeah, why, Virgil?” your singing stops and you meet his gaze.

“I’m the one who’s supposed to balance out Thomas’s ego with self-consciousness and insecurity,”

“Who needs that,” Roman scoffs.

“Actually, he does need it,” Logan corrects, pulling up a chart. “Think of it as a modified Yerkes-Dodson curve. With anxiety, one side of the extreme is complete carelessness, and the other is full-on panic. With pride, one side would be self-loathing, and the other would be narcissism. Ideally, everyone should be in the middle, having confidence in yourself but not so much that you become ignorant or put others down,”

“Is she here because…I’m on the second side?”

“Oh no…” Patton mumbles.

“Nonsense! I see nothing wrong with Y/N being here,” Roman objects, draping an arm around your shoulders. Virgil cringes a bit.

“Technically, Roman is correct,” Logan admits hesitantly. “As long as you don’t listen to her excessively, nothing detrimental will come of her presence,”

“Okay…” Thomas exhales.

“Her getting too close to Roman is what you really need to worry about,” Virgil grumbles.

“Hey! I thought you guys were past this?”

“Maybe not,”

“Well fine, Virgil, we’ll go if you have such a big problem with us,” Roman sneers, taking your hand and sinking down.

 -

 Over the next few weeks, you and Roman have become best friends. You’ve written approximately 15 musicals together now, sung every single Disney song multiple times, and have brainstormed millions of ideas on how to help Thomas achieve his dreams in the most extravagant way possible.

“I don’t know how much longer I can take this obnoxious behavior,” Logan closes his book and slams it on the table. You and Roman are very loudly reenacting Hamilton in his room at the moment, and the noise is filling the entire mind palace.

“They’re just having fun, Logan!” Patton shrugs, playing some Go Fish with Virgil.

“Come on, Patton, you know Roman’s just going to corrupt her,” Virgil groans.

“Now, Virgil, I may have had my doubts before but there’s no need to be mean,”

“I’ve had it,” Logan stands up and stomps over to Roman’s door. “CAN I PLEASE HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET FOR THIRTY MINUTES?!”

With that, no one so much as breathes loudly for the rest of the day.

 -

 It’s probably way past midnight now, but you still can’t sleep. You head to the kitchen to grab a snack, jumping when you see Virgil there as well.

“What are you doing here?” you shriek.

“I could ask you the same thing,”

“I suppose so,” you grin, hoisting yourself up to sit on the counter. “I guess I wouldn’t mind the company,”

“I usually come down here to be alone,”

“Look, I know you hate me, but you could just kindly ask me to leave,”

“I don’t hate you,”

“You don’t?”

“No!” he sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Are you really so self-absorbed that you think if people aren’t all over you they hate you?”

“Excuse me?” you shoot back. “I’m pretty sure you directly said you didn’t want me around!”

“I did not say that. I said you need to be under control, and teaming up with Roman is not going to help that,”

“What’s wrong with Roman?”

“Can’t you see he’s using you? He only likes you because you’re so similar and you can sing princess songs with him!”

“And how is that bad, exactly?” you retaliate. “He’s the only one who’s been nice to me since I got here, so sorry if my choice in friends isn’t to your standards,”

“It’s just-“

“You know what, Virgil? I really thought we would get along. We both have the capacity for good and evil, and we both help to balance Thomas out. We have a lot more in common than you think,” you slide off the counter and walk out.

 -

 You and Virgil don’t speak for a while after that. Not that you talked a lot before, but that fight really solidified things. You can’t even make eye contact with each other, it’s like you’re not even there.

Roman keeps asking you what’s wrong, but you just shrug him off. How are you supposed to tell him that he’s part of the problem? That maybe if you weren’t so close, Virgil would consider talking to you?

You never meant any harm when you revealed yourself. You really thought you’d be able to get along with all the sides, but it seems that Roman’s the only one who celebrates who you are. Logan barely tolerates you, and that’s only when you’re not being obnoxious with Roman. Patton’s alright with you, but he gets a little jittery if you suggest anything that compromises his morals. And then there’s Virgil, and you know how that’s going.

You don’t really feel like you have to apologize, it’s not in your nature anyway, but you’re sick of having to avoid him all the time now. You need to talk to him again whether he likes it or not.

You swing open the door to his room without knocking and sit on the bed, “Hi,”

“Is privacy just something you don’t understand?”

“It appears so,” you laugh. “Look Virgil, I know you’re mad at me, and honestly I’m mad at you too, but I don’t want to be anymore,” You take a deep breath, “I like you. I wish we had a better start, but I’m willing to start over,”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes,” you scoot closer to him. “And I told Roman to leave us alone for the rest of the day, so don’t worry about him,”

“You didn’t have to do that,”

“I know I didn’t. But I did. So do you want to hang out or not?”

“I guess so-“ before he can finish, you grab his hand and drag him out of his room to the main area of the mind palace.

“You pick a movie, I’m gonna go steal some of Patton’s cookies,” Virgil watches you, stunned, before flopping on the couch and scrolling through the selection. He starts one as you sit down next to him, handing him some cookies.

“Just want to make sure, you actually want to hang out with me?”

“Yes, Virgil. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have asked,” you drape a blanket over the two of you and settle in.

As the movie goes on, you subconsciously rest your head on his shoulder. He stiffens immediately and you jerk back up.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry-“

“N-no, it’s fine,” he releases his breath. “I’m just…not used to people doing that,”

By the time the movie’s over, you’re fully asleep and Virgil freezes again, unsure what to do. Should he carry you to your room? Leave you here to sleep? Wake you up?

He slowly wraps his arms around your waist and lies down with you, being careful not to make any sudden movements. Despite his efforts, you squirm a bit in your sleep, but thankfully you don’t open your eyes. He fits his chin in the crook of your neck and dozes off himself.

He knows you didn’t have to give him a second chance, but you did. You were right, you weren’t so different after all, and he’ll always be thankful for the opportunity to be something more to you.

#virgil sanders x reader #virgil sanders #sanders sides x reader #sanders sides #thomas sanders

[catfishofoldin99colours]

Obviously you love Mollymaulk like a lot so maybe a list of all the nice stuff about Molly that you love?

you are CORRECT i adore mollymauk so so much

and oh boy. what a question

i think one thing that sticks with me a lot is whats stuck with a lot of people - that he more or less completely reinvented himself in a short amount of time and said ‘fuck it’ to whatever he used to be because he HATED what that person was, and just created something new for himself out of almost nothing. and so so much of what he created was just built of love and creativity and a desire to live brightly and colourfully and loudly and be free goddamit

and obviously, that really resonates with so many queer people, and it REALLY resonated with me cos like if you know me at all thats my entire life philosophy right there, i just want to lead a life and build things out of love and be as creative as i can and be loud and vibrant and someone that people notice and admire from afar and mollymauk just Was all of that 

idek man its hard to put it into words what i really loved about him - i think, cos i admired his design from afar and REALLY admired anyone who cosplayed him, i decided to cosplay him cos tbh his aesthetic is to die for and i love it, and then i found out that the character was just snarky and fun and a party animal and unbelievably stupid but also brimming with love and kindness and a pretty good worldview, even if he would willingly trick people and intentionally weird the others out at times i still REALLY loved him, i think it was something to do with like. the amount of confidence he had? just unapologetically being himself even if that self was a glitzy pretty asshole who swindled people, he didn’t care and was just acting in His best interest for Himself - and as someone who’s always been the one doing shit for other people and trying to help other people and almost never doing anything for myself, that’s something i really really admire. it’s a bit weird to call a selfish asshole a role model, but when you’ve spent your entire life being The Carer for everyone but yourself, its admirable to me that someone can just. be selfish and be ok with that

also just. his relationship with yasha, hoLY shit. i love them as platonic best friends for sure and i will always scream about the importance of platonic relationships over romantic ones, definitely, but also,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, mollyasha is good and i will gladly ship it till i die  its something about being. two big outcasts i think and just finding each other and loving each other a whole hecking lot because you *know* no one else will, and you’re both fine being on your own but also just seeing someone like each other and deciding ‘i will love you so so much’ and especially when you’re both people that everyone else is scared of and just having someone not be afraid of you.......... to this day i maintain that jester is the only other one who has never been scared of yasha and it makes me cry because MOLLY was never scared of yasha and made sure she knew how much he loved her and now she’ll probably never have that same kind of thing (im not caught up and don’t know much about how beauyasha is going so i may be wrong but i just,,,,,,,, mOLLY) 

i think mollymauk was really the first time i looked at someone else and went ‘you are who i want to be’ and inspired me to just. live with love and colour and vibrancy in my life and realise that i didn’t have to be smart or strong or brave or anything, i could just. love the things i loved and work for my own best interests and that was still something good and worth doing and worth loving because LOOK at the amount of people who love and adore mollymauk, he is the darling of campaign 2 and y’know what he DESERVES IT 

like idk by the time in my life i got into critical role i’d already been living away from home for a year-ish and while it was absolutely terrifying, it was also incredibly freeing to just actually pursue the things i wanted and do what i wanted to, for no one’s sake except my own, and not even having to consult with anyone about that was just a real game-changer and mollymauk just. solidified that in my mind and showed me that yes, actually, doing shit purely for my own self-interest is ok and i am allowed to just care about myself and no one else 

and im really, really sad that he got taken from the game so quickly - it’s not anyone’s fault and im sure taliesin has made his peace with it, and i love caduceus i really do, he’s an angel and very similar to me, i see a lot of myself in him

but he’s not molly and molly just meant the absolute goddamn world to me as someone i could strive to be 

(so much so that i nearly cried when some of my friends started calling me tealeaf as a nickname, that was really really special to me)

i think lucien is interesting and i want to find out his story for sure, and i really hope we do because molly was taken far too quickly for me to be satisfied - but much as im intrigued by lucien he just *isn’t* molly, and i will always love mollymauk more 

#mollymauk #ask #critical role #thank you for the ask! #this was actually really really cathartic to talk about #i know u asked for a list but like hjgfkdlsdgfd you got a whole self-diagnosis lmao #still it was. really nice to sit and think about why i love mollymauk so much and what he means to me #i think you made me remember properly #thank you anon i really really loved doing this <3 #Anonymous

[sophfandoms53]

History Repeats Itself AU One Year Anniversary

I can’t believe that it’s been an entire year since I’ve created this AU! Seriously, I feel like it was a few months ago. But nope. A whole year. It’s crazy how much has changed from then to today. I hope you are all staying safe and inside!

This AU has grown in a massive way that I could have never predicted. I never intended on creating a whole book to follow the AU but y’all wanted more and I realized how much I could explore with this AU and I’m so thankful for all the love and support, seriously it means the world to me. This AU helped me get back on my feet when things were extremely dark and bleak, so I really appreciate it.

Okay enough sappy stuff lmao, lets get to the purpose of this post.

To celebrate my AU’s one year anniversary I wanted to do something a little different compared to my other two big posts. Instead of writing mini fics about the events, I’d just show you guys what’s coming up and explain it without revealing too much. Mainly this will be about certain character’s plot points and their arcs. Just wanna have some fun with a dash of feels inbetween.

So let’s begin!

So obviously this is the start of Troy and Skye’s investigation. They stumble upon this hidden room in the archives, similar to Della’s, and the entire room is in dedication to Dewey Duck. An idea that manifested between Huey, Shelly and Louie and it became a reality.

For Troy, this starts as a gold mine. All the stories about his families adventures, a lot of those artifacts, are in this room. Most of his attention is on all the artifacts as he comes to realize how much his parents hid from him. They had this entire room and no one ever told him about despite him constantly visiting The Archives. Although at first he doesn’t initially realize this room is about his Uncle Dewey, he see’s that when he looks over at Skye.

The first thing Skye saw upon walking in was the portrait of her father, and that’s where she remained fixated for a while. Even after Troy walks over, he too becomes distracted by it. This is the first time Skye has seen her father outside of the family photo Webby showed her and her brothers when they were young. Her emotions are all over the place. Her initial impression of her dad was not him being an adventurous person. So seeing this portrait, and the painting from the other day, it solidified her father was definitely not what she thought.

Seeing all this, Skye immediately wanted her brothers to know. She knew they were just as curious as she was, well maybe Danny a little more than Chase. But regardless, that was the plan.... until.

The note.

Louie,

I need to use The Curse Of The Sirens. I know this is late notice. I hope to explain soon. I’m sorry.

- Dewey

Once this was read. Any plan or idea they had, went out the window. They had more questions than answers and Skye became even more confused about who her father was. When Troy suggested that Dewey betrayed the family and used the curse to do so, the two came to an agreement to keep everything hushed until they found out the truth.

They just weren’t prepared for how complicated and messy the truth was.

Oh Lena. Lena, Lena, Lena, I’m so sorry.

Lena is still definitely a mess in this AU. 11 years of corruption when you thought you left your past behind? Yeah that does stuff to ya. However, during the first 5 years of everything happening, she was able to fight back and remain in control during the day time, she was able to be a proper mother and teach Aurora how to control her magic, but at night? The darkness took over. Similar to how Magica’s powers were connected to the Lunar Eclipse (this comes into play later too). After year 5, Lena had no choice but to banish herself away to protect her daughter and everyone else. Unfortunately this left her bound to Aurora as a shadow and the darkness causes Lena to manipulate her.

Once set free from the Shadow Realm, Lena imprisons both Aurora and Louie (not realizing this would allow them to talk and figure out their relation) and takes over the bin, in a similar manor like Magica. Although, Lena transforms a section the money bin into her own little place, creating her throne. She sent shadows and darkness rapid around Duckburg and enjoyed every second of it.

This does come back to be a huge regret when Lena is reformed and the darkness is sealed away in the Shadow Realm, along with Aurora who made the sacrifice to give her mother another shot at life. Due them both being shadow’s (in Aurora’s case half shadow) Lena is still able to keep contact with her in her shadow form, and the two work together on how to free her, while repairing their broken relationship slowly, but steadily.

Yup, Magica’s still around. Her number one target? Sweet little Aurora.

Lena’s not the only one keeping contact with her daughter in the Shadow Realm, Magica is too. Magica see’s how vulnerable and confused Aurora is and she wants to feed on that.

She wants to lure Aurora in and make her feel like she can help, teach everything there is to know about magic. Any question she had, Magica would answer. Aurora would be the key to gaining back all her magic abilities, which she slowly gained feeding off of Lena in order to corrupt her.

Due to Aurora being half duck/half shadow, it would grant Magica more power than ever before. She’d have the ability to manipulate more than dreams and shadows, she could manipulate things in the real world. All she needs is a new puppet.

After all, they’re family, right?

I kinda showed this moment already, but I wanted to bring it up again to clarify something. (And an excuse to draw Danny with his hair zoosh so y’all can see them side by side lmao)

Danny is not the kid Dewey is going to have the most trouble building a relationship with. This little moment is meant to emphasize, for Danny, that Dewey knows who he is, uses his proper birth name, Daniel, and he accepts his father with open arms.

All Danny wanted was for his father to know his name and show that Dewey was trying to connect with him. That little moment was enough for Danny to want to create a proper bond with his dad, and they do just that.

Dewey quickly bonds with both Skye and Danny once he comes home. Which makes sense as Skye dedicated most of her life to finding out the truth about her dad and was the first to accept his offer to be a proper father and Danny is a happy-go-with-the-flow 8 year old kid, he’s game for anything.

Notice how I missed someone? Well....

Look familiar?

Currently a WIP as I’m figuring out the background, but yes this is that infamous scene between Della and Louie.

Unlike his brother and sister, Chase struggles to find any common ground with Dewey. On his first day home, Chase admits to feeling completely disconnected from him due to Dewey and everyone else mentioning specific aspects of his father that Skye and Danny inhabit. He feels lost in the middle as most of Dewey’s time is spent with either Skye or Danny, while he just watches.

Chase believes his father is unaware of his heart condition (which comes into play during their fight) as Dewey never brought it up upon meeting. Chase is so use to his mom and doctors taking care of him that he struggles having his father around, a lot.

Attention is something Chase wants, but he never knows how to go about it because he doesn’t wanna seem weak or have it come back to his heart condition, sometimes he just wants someone to spend time with him and not bring that up.

This cultivates into Chase internalizing his frustration for his father’s attention that he does something drastic and it all goes south and falls apart in the matter of minutes. He got his father’s attention, but not in the way he wanted.

The reason this conflict is with Chase rather than Danny is, Chase is the middle child, just the same as Dewey. It felt fitting that Dewey would clash with the kid who inhabited his middle child syndrome and thirst for attention.

Similar to Della and Louie, Dewey calls Chase out for going completely overboard just because he wanted some attention when Chase could’ve just vocalized his frustration instead of thinking he had control over the whole situation and that he hadn’t thought through every variable or how it would affect the entire family. This, of course, provokes Chase to say,

“Oh? And who does that sound like?”

-

And that’s all for now! Again, thank you all for the support of the AU, it’s absolutely insane how far we have come and I cannot wait to share more with you guys. You all mean the world to me.

Happy One Year History Repeats Itself!!!

#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #ducktales au #history repeats itself au #ducktales fanart #dewey duck #troy duck #skye duck #chase duck #lena de spell #lena sabrewing #aurora de spell #aurora de spell duck #magica de spell #i rlly like dewey’s outfit in the last drawing #probs gonna draw it separately later lmao

[whattaloser]

Why I’m a Leftist

I know I’m probably just some dude who reblogs cool stuff to most of my followers but I’ve got a nice long story/rant about my political beliefs here that I’ve been wanting to write for awhile

I am a leftist first and foremost because I value human life. Everyone matters. No person is inherently more important than another person. Everyone has inherent rights that should not be infringed. People who infringe on other’s rights are morally wrong to do so. In essence my leftism is based on doing what is right. Obviously everyone has their own opinion on what is right but what is vitally important is knowing why your moral code is right. This is why so many people become liberals or conservatives or otherwise rather than leftists. They simply do not know enough about how the world works. There are a lot of reasons they don’t know, not the least of which is intentional covering up history and preventing education. I don’t believe people who aren’t leftists are stupid, but I do believe leftists know more. It’s kinda fucked up but it’s the only way you can explain inconsistencies in other’s values.

My path to leftism was full of cringe. When i was 7 years old Al Gore was running against George Bush for president. I did not know enough to have a real opinion on it but I am happy to say that I wanted Al Gore to win. This thought was based on very little if any logical reason. I basically flipped a coin in my head I think. Or maybe there was some outside influence that I wasn’t aware of, like my older sister who I looked up to might have said she liked Al gore. Either way, from then on I was in favor of democrats and did not like George Bush. When 9/11 happened I remembered thinking how dumb it was that people lined up around the block to get gas. Even as a child I knew that some buildings going down wasn’t going to end the great nation of the United States. In general I thought the United States was a great country. I knew from movies and tv as well as elementary school history that the United States was the most powerful country in the world. 

I recall in Sixth grade my teacher mentioned she liked George Bush because he was against gay marriage. Somehow at the time my opinion was the opposite despite being raised Catholic. I believed in god until I graduated high school and suddenly my desire to be religious slipped away and so did my belief. I do not consider this a great loss. 

Sometime in middle school or early high school I had solidified my opinion that the war in Iraq and Afghanistan was pointless and George Bush was a bad president. I was heavily influenced by movies and somewhat by video games that had imparted plenty of anti-war messages. Talks with my dad about nuclear missiles, watching History channel shows about world war 2, and playing Metal Gear Solid which had explicit nuclear disarmament messages, all informed me on the horrors of war. This was not enough to make me totally anti-military. In high school I wanted to join the military because I thought it was an easy way to get life experience and eventually pay for college. I was attracted to the Marines because of how cool movies like The Rock and video games like Call of Duty made it seem to be a Marine. I thought they were the best of the best. I was simultaneously against war, against veteran worship, and very pro-military. I was indoctrinated by years of government propaganda but also disillusioned by all forms of media including the book All Quiet on the Western Front which was about a soldier becoming disillusioned by witnessing horrors of war and the negative impact it had on everyone in his country. I spoke with a recruiter during my senior year and expressed my desire to be a Marine but I told him I wanted to wait a year after high school so I could get physically fit enough. The recruiter did not care that I was underweight and out of shape. He didn’t even care that I was very enthusiastic about joining, he was still putting on his best salesman demeanor which made me incredibly uneasy. The experience is supposed to pressure people into signing up on the spot, I think they even had forms for me to sign (i can’t really remember though) but I was not ready and was aware enough how I was being manipulated although not entirely cognizant. After that I no longer wanted to be in the military.

I also have to point out that I grew up in an unstable household. My parents were both loving but they were flawed and made mistakes and had problems. My dad was a typical Gen x man’s man. A little bit too emotionally repressed, but actually really good with kids when it came to play time and still is. He worked a lot because my mother couldn’t. My mother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as long as I can remember. Her medical bills related to her problems combined with other financially bad decisions by my parents caused my home life to be fraught. I lived in varying degrees of poverty until my parents separated and me and my siblings moved with my mother to her parents’ house away from my father. Prior to moving though, we endured great financial difficulty. We were unable to afford school lunches but could not apply for free or reduced lunches because technically my father made a lot of money, however it was all garnished for medical bills. My father always tells about how he bought a car that had hidden frame damage and when he attempted to sue the dealership for selling a bad car he lost and was garnished for that as well. Despite making over 25 dollars an hour in 1999, my father could not afford school lunches for three kids and couldn’t afford to pay the gas bill. Without going into too much more detail, life sucked and continued to suck until I graduated, at least financially. I still found plenty of joy and it wasn’t always that bad. We still found ways to have good things like video games and we could always rewatch old movies but there’s a lot of psychic weight that comes with being that poor as a child and I’m sure it affects me and my ability to empathize with others who in bad conditions. 

So i watched a lot of movies and documentaries, read a lot of books growing up, discovered internet forums at the age of 11, played video games, moved to a town that had a very large Hispanic population, and I even grew up poor. All of this life experience turned me into a very average liberal upon graduating high school. I was a very optimistic 18 year old. I thought science could save the world. If I was 18 today I would be an average redditor stereotype probably. The point here though is I still wasn’t a leftist. Only vaguely progressive and full of optimism. This is when I got sucked into the anti-feminist pipeline.

I can’t remember what exactly what I had going on in my life but I remember it was around the time of Gamergate. Everyone on the internet, celebrities, and pop culture were saying “if you believe in equality between genders you’re a feminist” an did not like that. And there was a ton of people online to tell me I was right in not liking that. They all said feminism was not necessary anymore because legally you couldn’t discriminate against women and I agreed. Gamergate made it worse for reasons too complicated to get into in this already long post but suffice it say I was “pro Gamergate.” This put me at odds with my closes friends who thought feminism was great and had no qualms with it, and were already embracing the idea of being a “social justice warrior.” Despite reading all kinds of anti-feminist think pieces and reveling in the discourse, I was still very progressive and liberal minded person. Still thought the military was bad, that black people were discriminated against etc. But so many aspects of anti-feminism were appealing to me as a white guy who tried their hardest to do what they’re told is right, had low self esteem, undiagnosed adhd and depression, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what feminism was. Two things got me out of anti-feminism though. The first and most important thing was having friends who were patient with me about it. I didn’t reveal how into anti-feminism I was because I was ashamed but they could sense it and pushed back when they could. The second thing that got me out of it was actually finding feminists online and reading what they had to say, staying away from poorly written clickbait articles that fueled misogynist tirades against feminism. After reading and learning from feminists it finally clicked. Our society is patriarchal and that affects how people interact with each other regardless of what is legal. Many of the complaints of anti-feminism talk about how men have it in society, so how can society be patriarchal. It’s because of patriarchy that men are put in bad positions. Some of the more self aware anti-feminists had retorts against these ideas but they were emotionally charged. There’s still some anti-feminists I have respect for because of how well prepared and logical they were when it came to disputing feminism. But when it came down to the fundamental tenants of feminsim all they could respond with was anger or outright denial of reality. (If you’re like I was and don’t understand how anyone can thing modern feminism is good please feel free to ask me more, I just can’t get into specifics in this long ass post) Anyways, once you understand patriarchy and how it affects an individuals actions then you can start seeing how other institutions and cultural norms can affect an individual. This is basically fundamentals of leftism. I’d say about 90% of my path to leftism was just naturally absorbing cultural and historical information through consumption of media. The most conservative people I know are people who haven’t read very many books or seen very many movies. I’m not saying watching Austin Powers at the age of 10 will make everyone a leftist but constantly recontextualizing the world by learning something new, even if you learned it from some dumb comedy movie, can give you better grounding in a shared reality.  Don’t know how to end this but I want to say when I was a teenager I thought “communism is good in theory but it doesn’t work in practice” and I had almost no historical basis for it other than the vague notion that USSR = bad despite having consumed a massive amount of media. None of it taught me what communism actually was, I didn’t know who Karl Marx was, and I had no clue why communism in the USSR failed. You can know a lot without knowing the truth so if you’re struggling with a loved one who is mind poisoned by conservative keep in mind that they know a lot but they’re missing something important to give clarity. 

This has been my Ted Talk

#rambling #rant #Leftism #Conservative #feminism #anti feminism #Communism #Media #I definitely did not accomplish what I wanted to with this lol #Someone please clap #uwu

[selfinserttothestars]

(oh would you look at that, I still got more in me, time for some more meowrails brainrot lol)

I'M so glad you liked it! After years and years of consuming any and all meowrails content there is out there, I can finally give back to the shippers. By my honor as a Seer of Heart, I promise you meowrails will be loved and cherished and protected.

"I love the idea that Nepeta knows so much about tea through her hunting escapades."

I'd say there's plenty of stuff Nepeta learned from living in the wild. Just like Jade, she had to fend for herself, so I'd imagine she knows just about everything of the lay of the land. How to make medicine, how to gather water from which plants, how to make traps, how to make fire, how to make anti-venom, from which animal, how to survive the blazing heat of the Alternian sun, if she's somehow forced to travel during the day... in short, she's a ferocious survivor.

"impossible… I’m STRONGER than you…” he says to a teacup."

YES. He doesn't notice his STRENGTH disappearing but by some subtle way, Nepeta does, and she tells him to test it out, by trying to hold a cup. Their first tea purrty in the afterlife is quite significant for them.

"...the idea that he just one day has it and doesn’t know what else to do with it but to hug his moirail is s o f t."

YES. Doesn't even bother with archery, that shit can wait. I mean yes it's important, he loves it (or at the least, would love to engage with it) but honestly. Nothing's more important than finally being able to touch Nepeta.

"We all know his pretty game is STRONG"

Oh yes it is. Nepeta learned to braid hair just for maid!Equius.

"it’s probably solidified that they don’t want to lose each other again so they just always stay as close together as possible"

oh ABSOLUTELY. If you thought Nepeta was a cuddlebug before; well now that Eq's no longer STRONG, she's 300% more cuddly :33 you'd have to pry her off with Crowbar's magic crowbar to separate them.

Her hugs are super tight, she always wants to be as close to him as possible. So she tries to cover him like a blanket basically with her lean, but strong arms (and sometimes legs). He doesn't dare to try and do the same (even though he can), but little by little, he becomes more and more confident around her with his hugs.

After a while, sometimes he just picks her up bridal style, out of nowhere, and plants a big squelchy kiss on her cheek. Nep blushes and giggles and thrashes around like a wiggler.

She still pounces on him, and baits him into hugging her or catching her; sometimes she just climbs on his wide shoulders, and becomes shoulder Nepeta. She's also more often than not the big spoon, rather than the other way around.

Equius usually wakes up with Nepeta purring and gently nuzzling her head on his neck and collarbone. And he gives her a quick peck on her cheek or forehead, it's a little ritual they have every morning.

Breakfast and most other meals are always of at least two types: vegetarian for Eq, and LOTS of meat for Nep. He's usually the one to prepare both, but Nepeta helps  out too, she has extensive knowledge on how to cure and cook raw meat, and she teaches him, and he teaches her a more balanced diet, not just all meat.

Sometimes... when Nepeta's haunted by bad memories/daydreams, she seeks him out. No pouncing or running though, she just walks up to him, somber, and just kind of... smooshes her tired body into him. And gives him this sad look that not many others have seen, but Equius knows this look very well.

She picks her up and carries her away to a pile, to cuddle, and maybe jam feelings a little, but really, if they just stay silent while huddled together that's fine too.

This is probably the only time Eq is the big spoon. He keeps her safe in his arms, held close, he murmurs soft reassurances to her, that everything is fine, that he is proud of her. That she would never be mistreated ever again, by anyone.

He'd tell her that he is the luckiest troll on the planet, to have found someone like her, someone who's as nice and loving and selfless as her, that he doesn't deserve her. But also that she deserves absolutely everything she could ever want, and that if it's in his power, he'll give it to her, build it for her. Because she's the best moirail in the whole wide world.

afjklajrdfsladflsdfasgsjafls I always get carried away with this stuff but I just can't help it!

For one, I love meowrails. And two, I really really really want to see Equius expressing his love. I know it's there, I KNOW IT. Nepeta knows too! That's why she sticks around him!

He really does care about Nepeta a whole lot, and I also know he has more kindness in him than he lets on. He has so much affection to give. And he himself deserves the same.

( Aaanyway, I think I'm going to stop there for now, this has become a bit long-winded, so sorry about that.)

—

ASGBDJHGDDL I LOVE YOU

I put off reading this for a while because pea brain said too many words but this is so worth the read I 💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚 I love that you expanded on the little things I said last time like that makes me so soft! I love how affectionate you make them for each other like yes!!!!!!! They both deserve that!!!!!! Let them let loose and be genuine with each other!!!!!!!!!!!

Also the mental image of Nepeta going “If I run and jump at Equius he will always catch me watch!” And then executing this and making Eq drop a whole tea set in the process is forever my favorite thing. Okay I’m done.

#Thanks for the submission! #submission #homestuck #meowrails #equius zahhak #nepeta lejion #equius #nepeta #i love this so much #I’m sorry for the late responce but AH #AAAAAH #chris shut up #okay to reblog #chrysalisbound