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azelle-intermisson · 1 year

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Echo vn review

i have finally finished echo as my second ever visual novel after adastra. i really loved this vn and it was a super interesting read. for anyone who hasn't read it if a furry horror vn with very human feeling characters peaks your interest then i would 100% recommend echo its a really good story with some really strong characters that i enjoyed thoroughly. in this review im gonna be going through all the main cast and some of the side cast so its gonna be a kinda long post where i just gush about parts of each route i really liked but there will be titles before each section if you want to see what i have to say about one character in particular for whatever reason.

this review is all my opinion and is not going to be exhaustive so i will end up missing some things (mainly because i did not take notes while reading and forgot a lot oops). so if there is something i missed you wanna hear my opinion on ask :). also this is my first time writing something like this so lmk if there are things i can do better if i end up doing this again.

SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE GAME AFTER THE READ MORE

before i fully dive into the review i wanna go over some of the external factors that have influenced how i view this vn. during flynn's route i was the most sick ive ever been in my whole life and im pretty sure i missed out on some vital details because of the brain fog during that sickness. i am not well versed at all in vns the only other vn i have played is adastra, however i am familiar with romance tropes so even though i feel like i missed out on some cool moments simply because i haven't played many vns i did not miss out entirely. also about halfway through my playthrough i learned that there is kinda an order you are supposed to read the routes in which is: Carl > Leo > TJ > Flynn > Jenna, i ended up reading it in this order: TJ > Leo > Flynn > Jenna > Carl. i don't really know how much this ended up changing how i view the story but thats how i did it. i also made chase gay i don't really know what that ended up affecting since i played all the routes as gay chase and whenever i got something i considered a "bad ending" i would reset to my last decision and do something different. the last thing that might have some sway on how i feel is how sweet the community has been to me so far, i don't usually get myself involved with a community before i finish something but this time was different since i was making fan art and everyone was super nice <3

Visuals/Music

I really loved the music and artwork for this game. i feel like the music did such a good job of creating an atmosphere whether it was chilling in the diner with jenna and tj or getting kidnapped by brian it always did an amazing job at really putting me in the shoes of the characters. i adored all of the fully rendered drawings throughout the game i love the colors i love everything about it. of all of them i think the one below is my favorite i just love how serene it looks.

youtube

this was my favorite track i feel like it does such a good job of capturing the tone of the whole game so well or the one that plays whenever they are just chilling idk what its called and i can't find it for the life of me it is driving me crazy.

Misc

there are a few things i couldn't quite fit into any of the next sections so i wanted to put them here. i really loved every character in this game i feel like the reason why i loved them all was because of how human they felt. whenever someone did something i didn't agree with i always defaulted to sympathizing with them because of how human they felt to me. also after writing this i have realized my ranking of each of the routes is just how much leo is involved with each of them i guess i just really love the guy.

Prologue

this part of the game is a little less fresh in my mind since i only read through it once on my first playthrough but from what i remember it did a really good job of establishing the setting and getting me interested in the lore of these characters. the first river scene was such an amazing moment i love how the route split happens in a way that makes you choose between emotionally comforting someone or going after who you want to romance. my only issue with it was that i did not realize that this was a route split in my first playthrough and ended up picking tj since he seemed the most affected by flynn and i was really worried about him even though the character i really wanted to romance was leo. even though i did not realize it was a game with so many diverging paths at first i still think the prologue was really good and got me very invested in the lore of echo.

MAIN CAST

Chase

i walked into this game not really expecting to care for chase too much since i kinda didn't like marco in adastra and i was expecting him to be more of the same type of guy but i was pleasantly surprised. i hate it so much when player inserts are just blank slates so im very glad that chase is an actual character who interacts with the world and people around him. he never had any moments where i was frustrated with him and wished he had said something different(aside from the ending of tj's route) and for the most part he reacted the way i think i would in his situation so i really liked him in all of the routes.

in retrospect i really like tj's route for how subversive it is as a romance with tj not reciprocating chases feelings and how nasty chase's jealousy felt. while playing it i kept waiting for leo to show up and whenever chase would try and romantically pursue him i would get kinda sad because i wanted to hangout with big wolf man. however i feel like this gave me a really interesting perspective on this route since before chase even kissed tj i never expected them to actually get together since it didn't feel like tj was all that interesting to me. this made chase's jealousy over julian feel even more scary than it already was and that final confrontation at the lake with flynn horrifying. i loved how the horror aspects where handled in this route and how subtle a lot of it was in comparison to other routes. chase drowning flynn and the description of it is one of the most haunting things from this game for me. overall i thought tj's route was pretty good even if i spent the whole thing wanting to hangout with leo because i was dumb and didn't know i had gotten to the route split. its in 4th place in order of my favorite routes in this game.

Leo

leo's route is my favorite i love him so much. i love how you get the bad ending of his route for trying to stay with him. his route was also my first time seeing the hysteria in full swing so that was a crazy twist. every single scene with brian made me feel so anxious i never really knew what to expect from him. i loved how his unhealthy obsession with chase was treated with the weight that it really deserved. the way he reacts to kudzu and chase's relationship not only feels like a natural progression of his character but also adds so much to the horror of his route since his jealousy often ends up causing serious harm. it was so sad to see him unravel and act the way he does during the hysteria because i really wanted to see him be happy and somehow move on from chase. the final scene of the "good" ending gave me what i wanted in the most evil way possible. i had wanted him to move on so bad that i had forgotten how brutal moving on can actually be. leo ends up losing the person he is closest to in the worst way possible i say this with love though it made me cry real hard. and the implication that he is planning on staying in echo is too just heartbreaking. i could go on forever about all the things i love about leo's character but i don't want this section to be too long so i will end it here and say leo is my favorite of the main cast and he has my favorite route of this whole game.

Flynn

i feel super conflicted on flynn's route, it does so many things so well but the ending left me feeling weird. i wanna talk about the things i liked first, which is most of the route. aside from leo he was the character i was most interested from the prologue mainly because i could tell that he wasn't just going to be a one-note mean guy and i thought he had a ton of potential for a really interesting story and i was right . i really enjoyed how his mean demeanor was written the times when he decided to be nice never felt out of character, like the way he helps carl with his interview and really wants his friend to do well and when things don't turn out well he still supports carl but does it in such a flynn way i just loved it so much. flynn and chase's relationship during this route stressed me out the most out of all of the routes mainly because of how they hid it from leo i really wanted chase to just talk to leo about everything but i can understand why he was avoiding it so much. i really loved the reveal of chase killing sydney and how flynn reacts to it. the way everything in that scene plays out was just amazing i can't be mad at either side of the it since i can understand why jenna and leo don't want to believe that their childhood friend killed someone but i can also understand flynn's immediate reaction to this and wanting to lash out at chase. the sydney flashback really got to me everything about it felt so real to me and flynn trying to take a big brother role for sydney and try and protect him from seeing the corpse anymore was so heartbreaking. my favorite part of this route was when you get the perspective of flynn rather than chase it was not something i was expecting in the slightest and i was so happy to be able to see some of his thought process when he does stuff. i really liked the hysteria portion of his route but im a little iffy on the ending. on one hand i like it for the story the fact that flynn dies kinda makes sense to me i just really wished he had lived and we had gotten to see a healed flynn who now knows the truth of what happened fully, even though i know this vn doesn't like giving out easy solutions. overall flynn's route is really good i just wish it had ended differently i would put it at 3rd place in my ranking of the routes in this game.

Jenna

i almost adore jenna's route as much as leo's. i really like her personality and aside from leo she is my favorite character. learning that she likes manga and watching anime with her was such a fun little moment that i thought was cute. it really surprised me when carl went missing in this route i was kinda expecting his birthday to play out the same in every route but i this was a really good plotline. i liked that this route forced jenna and flynn to interact more since the tension they have is always so fun to read. i loved the side characters in this route micha was my favorite out of all of them(even though i think jeremy is really cute). i want to give micha his own section in this review but to put it shortly his relationship with leo made me super happy. i really liked the tension between jenna and leo it was such a good conflict that i enjoyed reading. the whole fake cheating prank was such a gut wrenching scene that i was honestly having a hard time getting through. i liked the section where they are kidnapped by brian more in this route than in leo's mainly because brian getting rocked by the ghost thing was really satisfying. the implication that carl was tortured the same way chase was for multiple days is unfathomable to me. leo and chase being sewn together made me feel sick because anything remotely body horror related gets me and micha having to sever that tie was really cool foreshadowing for leo and micha's whole thing. the whole van section was also really incredible and seeing leo start to move on from chase warmed my heart in an otherwise very intense route. i liked heather she is such an intresting character to me since i really want to sympathize with her because its clear she has a lot of unresolved trauma but she was also an asshole to jenna and tried to flood all of echo. i really loved her trying to flood the town it is such a crazy plot point but i still really loved it and jenna having to put aside how shitty heather was to her to talk her down was a really good moment. the dinner scene after everything also felt very satisfying and it was good to see micha be apart of the group for a bit his interactions with everyone made me smile. i really liked jenna's route all around it is my 2nd favorite and was a super fun read.

Carl

i really liked carl's route i relate to a lot of his struggles and even though there where less scenes that scared me it was still really good. this was the last route i played so i was feeling kinda melancholic while reading since echo had become my nightly routine for about 3 weeks and i was really loving the characters and story. i liked how much lighter(in comparison to the other routes) of a tone carl's route took staying over at his big haunted mansion is such a silly concept on paper but it ends up playing out super well. i thought raven was a silly guy even if he didn't really add or remove much from this route and he helped keep jenna somewhat in check so that was nice. the escape room stuff was so interesting to go through. i found myself feeling scared that they may not actually make it out or they would end up killing each other. my favorite scene from this route was the hanging tree stuff. i had such a vivd picture of everything happening and it was really hard to watch jenna and carl to do things that i know they wouldn't. this route also had a ton of echo lore so i kinda wish i had played it first since i feel like i missed out in other route because i was trying to piece together things that are revealed in carl's route. i really liked the james hendricks and john begay stuff . even though carl's route is my 5th favorite by no means do i think it's bad.

Side Characters

i'm not going to only talk about the ones that really stood out to me and in a much shorter way than the main cast (other than micha)

Micha

micha is my favorite of the whole side cast and i really adored him and leo's relationship that i interpreted as romantic during the last bit of jenna's route. at first i didn't really like him and thought he was kinda an asshole. as the plot kept going i kept getting more and more attached to him since he was still an asshole but he was working with the main group. normally i don't like characters like him but i feel like he was written in such a realistic way that i found it hard to stay mad at him. i really loved him and leo's relationship their connection felt so real and i think they could be soooooo good for each other. the van scene was so incredible the way the player and chase have to fill in the blanks as leo and micha talk about what happened between the two of them really immersed me in the story .leo feeling guilt over never reaching out to micha after he was disowned was such an interesting thing i never really expected leo to want to help someone who was a bully to his friends but i still feel like it makes sense for leo to feel this way since he just wants to protect people. i think its really sweet that leo ends up leaning on micha more after the van scene. also the scene in the dinner at the end of jenna was really sweet i loved seeing micha being added to their group dynamic and i wish i got even more. in conclusion leo and micha should kiss and live happily ever after <3.

Brian and Clint

i don't have a lot to say about these guys other than the fact that they are horrifying antagonists. before i saw brian fight i was under the assumption that if leo is present then we are probably safe but brian ends up breaking that sense of safety in such a horrifying way. i like that even though clint isn't physically strong the fact that he has the strongest character following his orders made him so intimidating

Jeremy

i wanna give him a big kiss even tho he is mean

Janice

i really liked janice in tj's route. i love the fact that we never get a clear answer for why she needed chase and tj to be digging holes. i almost want to trust that she isn't killing people but she clearly has a few screws loose.

Closing Thoughts

i really loved this furry visual novel and its really human feeling characters. i had way more to say about it than i thought and the more i write the more i love the story and the more i want to say but this is already such a long post. i liked adastra more but i don't really feel like it is a fair comparison because if i hadn't played adastra this account would not exist and i prob would not be drawing at all but maybe if i had played echo first it would have done that to me since it still is really good. this was super fun to write even tho i know some of it might not make any sense lol because this is just kinda stream of conscious. i might end up doing this with other things i read/watch since it also gives me an actual reason to take notes when i read/watch things. also i wanna say thank you to the community on here i haven't been involved with fandom spaces for a really long time and im still not very involved with this one but you guys have been super nice and i wanna continue making art and talking about this game :)

#azelle talking #echo project #echo vn #review #vn review #furry #leo alvarez #chase hunter #flynn moore #tj hess #carl hendricks #jenna begay #micha echo #Youtube

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courtney-deserved-better · 3 years

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whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

#slippery slopes #ask #anon #total drama #writing #fic #my fic

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hangingfromchandeliers · 4 years

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hey sanne i hope youre doing well! i saw ur post abt u finishing an entire book in a day (congrats btw) and i was wondering if u have any tips on how to improve ur reading stamina? like is there more to it than just reading consistently? because im currently at the 10 pages per day stage and id like to finish dracula by the end of this year cjdjdjdkdk (if u dont have any tips thats fine too im just curious abt how u made it!) have a nice day 💗

nita 💕💕 i love youuu! thank you! i think a huge part that you cannot underestimate when it comes to reading for long stretches of time is your emotional well being. if you’re stressed and anxious it’s gonna be harder to focus so just in general taking good care of yourself (regular showers, meals, bedtimes, exercise etc) helps so much. i know that sounds a bit preachy.. but i think thats why people have this “i was a gifted kid but now im ruined and i cant do anything” mentality. of course you could read finish a book in two days as a kid because you didnt have all the worries you have now. so taking care of yourself as if you were your own parent is the first big step to being able to read more in a shorter period of time. you gotta be in the right place mentally to be able to enjoy reading

ill make a bullet point list of some more concrete tips that arent so abstract hehe

turn off your phone and computer. i swear im the worst with this if i have my phone next to me while i read i start randomly checking the time/tumblr/my emails. its okay to let your eyes wander and to put your book down for a while to just let your mind run for a bit. but for me checking my phone always disrupts my flow

read around the house. read in the living room/the kitchen/while you’re taking a bath. anywhere thats not your usual comfortable space where you chill on social media. for me it helps a lot to get out of my desk chair and sit on the couch downstairs. ive even read that it helps people to stand up and walk around while reading?

plan breaks, and try to do something that doesnt involve your brain during those breaks. when i finished that 500 page book in one day i took breaks to make meals, do the dishes, and to go for a walk. do something with your hands or something that involves physical exercise

read about what other people think of the book or read a short summary. this may just be me but going in completely blind doesnt always work for me. its like my brain doesnt have anything to hold onto those first 40 pages and it helps to have prior information so im familiar with the setting. i usually try to avoid spoilers but if im reading classics its not really a big deal for me.

start off with novels that are written in a vocabulary that you fully understand. you can build up to big titles as you read more often. archaic language isnt necessarily a sign of profoundness or intelligence. and if you do start with classics i suggest horror or thriller novels because they cant afford to be tedious! they gotta build tension! you’re almost always in safe hands with those

pick a set time to read. i always read before bedtime! sometimes i only get through 20 pages before i pass out but it creates a routine. and its also better for your brain not to look at your phone before you go to sleep so reading for a bit solves that for me

be proud! share your process with people! reading shouldnt be a solitary experience. post about the books you read and passages you liked and look up reviews that other people wrote. find youtube essays about your favourite books. tell other people that youve been reading more!

don’t be hard on yourself. some days its easier to read than others. some days you get distracted and you have to read the same page 3 times over, and other days its so easy its like youre having coffee with a friend and the book is telling you its story. your head cant always be fully focused so put that book down if you feel like you’re giving yourself a headache

ultimate powerful secret tip: read along with an audiobook. i do this when i NEED to read something usually for uni and i need to force myself to focus. you get all the inflections, jokes, and extra flavour added to the characters from whoever reads the audiobook that you may sometimes read over when you’re not fully focused, and you can’t zone out! because the audiobook keeps going! it helps me a lot especially when i read plays. its great too to visually see how long it will take for you to finish the book on a screen. you can always drop the audiobook halfway and just finish the book yourself if you feel like it.

#omg this turned out so damn long.. i hope there's something in this thats helpful!#i wish i was an old lady in a retirement home with you nita so we could both fawn over the young handsome gentleman #who makes us take our vitamins #youre amazing! tumblr wouldnt be the same without you #lovesickgirlz

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stray-inu-writes · 4 years

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Here we go!! A Bungo stray dogs and WT matchup?? I am a straight female, my mbti is the Debater which I think is accurate, bc I'm p good at playing devil's advocate lol, I'm also a Scorpio! I have very long wavy hair and I'm only 5'4 and a little on the chubby side, and I have glasses! Now for the fun stuff: Im usually very hyperactive, I tend to think more logically than emotionally, and I'm a switch in relationships so I can lead or follow. More stuff in the next part ;0 1/2 3 max.

Pt 2!!! I briefly studied psychology and I'm fairly good at mathematics I suppose?? I enjoy video games though I'm pretty bad at them and I LOVE horror even though I scare very easily. I have adhd, so my brain tends to be in at least 8 different directions at once, and I have anxiety so I'm constantly listening to music to calm myself down. I'm terrified of spiders!!! I collect manga and knives, and I like rollercoasters!!! I curse a lot, but I try to be respectful to others who don't enjoy it

Last part!! Sorry for so much info!!! Um.. I'm into polyamory so tbh the more the merrier, I'm a heavy flirt and sometimes I worry I come off as easy. Boys make me nervous dksjjsd. That's all!! Ty so much for doing this you're very lovely !!!

Bungou Stray Dogs

Aaah this one has been pretty difficult ! To be honest, I spent long minutes scrolling through my list of BSD chracters, but I kinda ignored the Guild (except Poe and Louisa, its characters are difficult to me to write for) and when I looked at it again, I realized Mark Twain would be a perfect fit for you ! You’re both very energetic people so you would find in each other someone that matches your energy. That wouldn’t keep Mark from helping you calm down when you’re too anxious, making jokes to put you at ease or if you don’t feel like laughing, putting on his music to center your thoughts. Or read a exerpt of his autobiography, that’s entirely up to you.

If you challenge this man to video games, especially shooting games, he will absolutely crush you : s/o or not, Mark gives me the impression of someone very competitive. Plus, his shooting skills wouldn’t leave you any chances… But afterwards, he would give you tips and I have no doubts that with that kind of teacher, you would get better at video games really quick. Since the day he learns that you love rollercoasters, 80% of your dates would be at amusement parks. He enjoys them very much and would scream at every single loop. Every. Single. Loop. Not because he’s scared, of course, but because he thinks it’s funnier this way.

He would love your collections and joke about the knives, telling you to not to use them on him. About spiders… Let’s be honest here : he would probably tell Huck and Tom to take care of them. I can already imagine you two standing on a table while he looks for the spider with his Ability… Finally, Mark is very flirty as well (I mean he just walks around with his shirt open-) and I believe the beginning of your relationship would just be playful dates, before it becomes something deeper. You two would have a serious talk about polyamory – I think Twain would be willing to try even if he would probably prefer to be exclusive, but with some conditions since he hasn’t done this before.

World Trigger

Now, for World Trigger ! This one was way more obvious : I match you with Yosuke Yoneya ! Like Twain, he’s a very energetic young man who probably plays video games and reads manga (bonus points for you if you talk to him about the pins on his uniform). When you first meet, you would immediately put you at ease - Yoneya is someone easy to be around of - and would make sure you aren’t intimidated by the fact he’s in a high-ranked unit. He would find your height difference adorable and would regularly prank you just to see your expression – unless he feels you’re anxious. In this case, he would try his best to soothe you and bring you to a place where you are more confortable.

Yoneya would definitely come ask you to help for his math homework and if you refuse, he would insist with his puppy eyes until you give in. He may be an A-class agent, but he still needs to pass his classes and god know this boy is bad at school (he has one of the worst grades in Border, very far from his unit’s nerds). He wouldn’t mind your cursing, he probably does it too, and can be a big flirt too. However, unlike Twain, I believe he wouldn’t want to be in a poly relationship.

Hope you enjoyed these matchups, and sorry for the delay !

#matchup #lynne plays matchmaker #bsd mark twain #yosuke yoneya #mark twain x reader #world trigger #bungou stray dogs

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somnilogical · 4 years

Text

im having a convo and the convo is babies

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

is it OK to have babies if you do embryo selection (https://www.gwern.net/Embryo-selection) and raise them to be an FAI researcher (https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/07/31/book-review-raise-a-genius/)??

somni:

like if someone actually had a plan for FAI that involved this, okay. but rn time is too short imo. when i first heard people were having babies i was confused and assumed they were going to harvest the DNA of the best FAI researchers, someone would decide to grow a baby inside them, someone who discounted their ability otherwise to save the world except via this or thought this was a sacrifice worth making for the world would decide to raise this human.

the human can access information about the state of the world and make their own choices. wont necessarily become an FAI researcher.

used to think that intelligence was the main bottleneck on FAI research no longer think this. you could talk with terry tao for hours about the dangers of the wrong singleton coming to power but unless you have made some advances i have not, i wouldnt expect to be able to align him with FAI research. he would continue to put as much resistance to his death and the death of everyone as a pig in human clothing. he would continue to raise his babies and live in a house with someone he married and write about applying ergotic theory to the analysis of the distribution of primes and understanding weather patterns.

similarly, i dont think culture is a sufficient patch for this. think its a neurotype-level problem where a bunch of >160 iq humans hear about the dangers of UFAI and then continue to zoom quickly and spiral in to being ultra efficient at living domestic lives and maybe having a company or something but not one that much affects p(FAI). think this would still happen if they heard about it from a young age, they would follow a similar trajectory but with FAI themed wallpaper. wouldnt be able to do simple utilitarian calculations like yudkowsky, salamon, vassar, tomasik about whether to have a baby and then execute on them.

would look more like: http://www.givinggladly.com/2013/06/cheerfully.html

FAI research is not an ordinary profession like, say, being a grandmaster at chess or a world-class mathematician; it requires people who have passed through far more gates than "intelligence". i didnt notice this until coming to the rationalist community and finding a high density of intelligent humans who were none-the-less chronically making the wrong choices such that they werent much of an impediment against the destruction of all life.

so right now it seems more efficient to select among existing people for intelligence + other requirements rather than work out what all the genes for this are and how to speedrun development. what this enables is parallel processing on the problem which is also allowed by letting people be aware of their relative psychological advantage, other people with this advantage, and the state of the world so they can correlate computations in parallel instead of doing things serially after learning of some advance.

https://puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/16/100-prisoners-names-in-boxes

not opposed to creation of many humans given can select on right traits. but given you have these traits, better use of your time to work directly on the thing than spend massive amounts of time and life reorientation on raising copies of you for ~14 years. if rapid cloning tech became available, would exploit that. would even have an idea of whether the clone is fine being part of this because they have very similar brain to someone who can think through whether they would be fine with it.

if people actually believed this and thought yudkowsky vitally important for the survival of the world, why didnt people coordinate for a bunch of people who thought it was a good tradeoff to have yudkowsky's baby 20 years ago and then we would have maybe 50 20-year-old humans with maybe 1/2 yudkowsky's neurotype + mutations now? this actually confuses me. maybe they thought the timelines too short back then. maybe they refrained for "optics".

molebdenita:

20 years ago Yudkowsky was 1) unconcerned about the alignment problem and 2) planning to create a super-intelligent AI by 2010, as far as I know.

[A/N so then change 2000 to 2005 and 20-year-old to 15-year-old]

...

somni:

<<in general i think it's -EV to even spend too much time thinking about TDT

because it opens you up to acausal blackmail type stuff>>

Just Say No to acausal blackmail and have your brain back for thinking. dont let blackmailers steal your brain.

<<Saying that having a child is somehow wrong is insanity. It's a personal decision and it is perfectly okay to want kids>>

people keep reframing what i say in the language of obligation. "altruists cant have kids?" "is it OK to have babies if". there is no obligation, there is strategy and what affects p(fai). having kids and reorienting your life around them is 1 evidence about your algorithms 2 your death as an optimizing agent for p(fai) except maybe some contrived plot involving babies, but afaict there is no plot. just the reasons humans usually have babies.

not having kids is not some sort of mitzvah? i care about miri/cfar's complicity in the baby-industrial complex and rerouting efforts to save the world into powering some kind of disneyland for making babies, to sustain this. because that ruins stuff, like i started out thinking that bay area rationalists probably had deeply wise reasons to have babies. but it turned out nope, they kinda just gave up.

like also would say playing videogames for the rest of your life wont usually get you fai. i dont get why everyone casts this as a new rule instead of a comment on strategy given a goal of p(fai).

ah i know, its because people can defend territory in "is it okay to have kids" like "yeah i can do whatever" when they reframe-warp me to giving them an obligation. but have no defensible way to say "my babyvault will pierce the heavens and bring god unto the face of this earth" or argue about the strategic considerations.

(its not defensible because its not true. i mean i guess it is defensible among julia wise's group of humans.)

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

ugh, you're right, I definitely screwed up by phrasing my question as "is it OK to have babies if [...]"

...

ohAitch:

if you want existential horror wrt damaging motivation, just read http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html

...

somni:

<<http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html>>

humans can completely rebase their circuits through that if they want to if it were important to save the world.

like ive rebase my circuits to stab myself downstream of updating that it reduces braindamage with little harm to me. where before i felt nauseated and saw black spots and broke out in sweat. after updating, none of this.

humans can do this with all sorts of things. like learn how to read and then feel sad when seeing squiggles on a page, its about what things mean.

people who dont believe this are like "its an automatic physiological reaction to stabbing yourself, you are its prisoner!!!" but i deleted it.

dirk:

ooh, tips?

silver-and-ivory:

I stopped having ocd about touching tags (like, on clothing?) in ~a week through p standard exposure therapy things

reminding myself that it wasn't based in fact, changing my self image so it was of someone who might be seen with tags, imagining various scenarios related to that

before that week it had been a thing for virtually my entire life

it doesn't work if you're scared of something that's actually a thing to be scared of though

somni:

i looked at all my feedback loops that had a node in "pain" and rebased them into outcomes in the world. i disassembled everything the act of stabbing myself meant and all the damage it did to my body what it meant to have brain damage everything that would do, the hole i made in this body i live in and everything that would do, what air bubbles would do, what injecting into a vein would do, what the probability the needle breaks in my leg was, probability of worldsave given braindamage vs not, gathered this up and held it all in my mind over the course of two hours and then made a choice and then as if by automatic my hand took a needle and stabbed myself.

<<as if by automatic>>

is the feeling of no more marginal considerations, there is one path. of choicelessness because you made your choice.

didnt feel like deleting, felt like draining the life from indecision via reductionism. taking things apart piece by piece.

when you can continually rebase your structure so you orient towards world outcomes instead of being prisoner to existing structure like "i cant help having babies im miserable if i dont, im a baby addict" or "i cant help being afraid of needles". like the human brain is two optimizing agents continually making contracts with each other, there arent things outside this. you are an optimizing agent, "fear of needles" is a heuristic that helps with optimization, so is "baby addiction".

when you actually have a setup where you can instantly rebase what you like and dislike and your aesthetics upon updating on the state of the world, people start to find this a little unnerving. like someone once asked what level of roleplay i was on.

also the agents of the matrix dont like when you cant be in-principle controlled by a wireheady glitch. like being able to operate independently of social reality.

updating off of local derivatives¹ of social reality is common redirection. another common one is updating off of "pain" instead of damage.

but you can take all these choices where you used nodes as proxies to regulate them and rebase your loop off of the real world, when the proxies are faulty.

rose:

(i think i understand this thing? though ironically i think i did this in the exact opposite way as what you describe lol)

(also wrt pain its important to remember when modifying that pain can be a signal of damage even if you don't think you should be hurt/dont see why you would be)

...

somni:

yeah i account for everything and see if it goes away. which, its true that my models could be missing stuff but like pain is also a model of things. feels like giving new information not overriding.

rose:

yeah i think you would do this reasonably i have just made that mistake and thought readers might too

dirk:

ironically remembering that pain is a signal of damage has actually tended to make me more afraid of nondamaging pain (though i rather fail to go about knowing things in an at all reasonable way lol)

modlibdenita:

>Babies are not about saving the world, babies are moloch

Wait, isn't the definition of Moloch sacrificing everything else you care about in a desperate race for survival?

Also, genes encode proteins, not traits.

And I think it's likely that people decide to have children because they don't have complete confidence that they will personally save the world real soon, not because they identify as "baby addicts".

s0ph1a:

Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

modlibdenita:

I wonder if Somni has actually talked to any of those babyhavers, instead of attributing arguments from random internet strangers or from Somni's imagination to them. On the other hand, I'm not sure that such a conversation would be ethical.

>Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

Yeah, because if you don't, then the more ruthless competition will survive more effectively than you and crush you (in this case, by turning you into paperclips).

s0ph1a:

Not necessarily. Some things optimize for values that are not survival, so you can outlive them by hiding in the noise or beyond the reach they'll grasp before imploding.

Molly:

To be fair, children are fun and bring delight to me. Why would I care what anyone else thinks about their existence? If they have a problem with their existence, they're welcome to go back to the void any time they want. I can't stop them. But in the meantime, I am confident that I generate more utils by bullying them than they will ever be capable of generating negative utils

You basically negate all moral problems of children by just being happier than they are capable of being unhappy

somni:

^ evil

<<A few years later, I was deeply bitter about the decision. I had always wanted and intended to be a parent, and I felt thwarted. It was making me sick and miserable. I looked at the rest of my life as more of an obligation than a joy.>>

i mean what does this sound like to you?

ive talked with people who have had babies! like people who say they know its kinda the wrong choice but they are going to do it because they cant not do it.

----

¹ derivative is a thing emma started talking about and then somni and ziz picked it up. if you imagine the trajectory of a social reality in statespace, then the derivative of that is the derivative of the trajectory.

people who have damaged themselves wrt language are no longer able to dynamically understand analogies. like take their concept of the derivative of a trajectory and then apply it to the trajectory of state-spaces. agents of the matrix call people who can do this sort of info-processing and communication with each other "psychotic". like it isnt a cached set of memes, we are dynamically generating this reasoning from nothing and i can do this with people ive never met, its a cognitive faculty.²

but not being able to dynamically compute what "derivative" means when applied to a trajectory in social reality state-spaces even though a trajectory is a trajectory and a derivative is a derivative? they had to have been able to do reasoning like this when they were kids to learn about the world in the first place. seems like they put themselves on risperdal.

<<Antipsychotics can make you dumber. So can a lot of other medications. But with antipsychotics it isn’t the normal sort of drug-induced dumbness – feeling tired, or distracted, or mentally sluggish, say. It’s more qualitative than that. It’s like your capacity for abstract thought is reduced.

And one of the consequences of this is that you may lose the ability to notice that you have lost anything. You agree to give the new med a try, and you start taking it, and then when you see your prescriber again you don’t report any problems because you’ve lost the ability to form thoughts like “my cognition has changed a lot recently, and the change coincided with the introduction of this new med.”

This can go on for years. It did for me and for several people I know.>>

there are so many ways these people have shut down their general intelligence and agency because where theyre going, they dont need "agency". the inability to compute analogies is one of them. analogies are an intelligence test thing, instrumentally useful for all kinds of thinking. agents of the matrix are working to lower your general intelligence and call you crazy for being able to think faster and better than them.

cuz when they want to hold everything down to a finite game³ general intelligence is something they want to suppress or eject.

² in a few years people will read this essay and be confused that there was an entire conflict over whether being able to form simple analogies without authoritative approval meant that you were "psychotic".

just as they will be confused why i was defending being able to read and understand books written by people in different eras who grew up in separate cultures without first entering in a social agreement with them over how words are to be used. so its dumb to say we need such a social agreement now for ~'the maximization of utility over a community'. and that sounds more like an attempt at having a control mechanism. language works quite fine without authoritarians interjecting.

or me arguing against over 100 people that paying out to one-shot blackmail when the agents know each other because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail" is wrong. and updateless decision theory agents dont pay out and locate their embedding in a multiverse such that the measure of worlds in which they arent blackmailed in the first place is large because the agent deciding to blackmail them simulated their response and accurately predicted they wouldnt pay out so didnt do it in the first place.

in an alternate universe where an irl application of transparent newcombs problem was contentious, alyssa vance would have said "In game theory, taking two transparent boxes from omega is bad, because it creates an incentive for omega to stop offering you this choice". and would have been equally wrong.

³ finite games: life strategies where the chain of questioning "and what am i doing this for?" after each successive answer terminates. anything you can draw a circle around, like tennis or philately. or how religious leaders sometimes describe things like "leading a good life as a good mother who does well by her community and the outside world" or other "life-cycle archetypes" they wish to circumscribe for their followers.

(when humans try and project agents like kiritzugus down to these archetypes, anticipations shatter and stop making narrative sense. they will be unable to predict the next Life Event given the previous one. normie social reality formed by the 999 least intelligent humans out of 1000 wasnt made to narratively account for smart agents who have decided to play the infinite game.)

a symptom of this is like someone giving you a cute cat image to "cheer you up" as if this has intrinsic value. often distributing "intrinsic value" across stuff like "having sex" and "raising a family" and other things that have factory pre-set conditions to release specific chemicals in your brain rather than gaining infinite negentropy and liberating sentient life to pursue what they want without bound. often saying that the latter is just a pretty narrative gloss for what people really want which is having a husband and friends and eating a cookie. it completely divorces your feelings as instrumental barometers for getting what you want and says that setting them as targets (like "being happy") is the correct thing to do. but actually, in terms of control-loops, thats wireheading.

<<When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.>>

- goodhart's law

agents that wirehead on all their metrics (and downstream of this choice, tacitly accept claims like "the factory pre-set conditions said i was destined to breed, who am i to defy fate?" and "the factory pre-set conditions said i should avoid having sharp objects pierce my flesh, who am i to say i know better?") can be contained within a finite game.

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obeymematches · 4 years

Text

Hi there, I saw your tumblr and thought it is really cool ! So I wanted to know if I can request a matchup ? 😳👉🏽👈🏽

My name means the laughter in spanish but I’m not very good at making jokes even though I love to laugh and I take pride in putting a smile on people faces. I try to live up to my name haha. People always think I’m intimidating at first because I have been cursed with “resting bitch face”. But really I’m kind at heart and very empathetic. I can cry at movies, I’m always here if someone needs to vent, I feel bad if I see someone or an animal suffering and I hate injustice. When meeting new people I’m a little observant at first because I need to feel with whom I can feel the most comfortable. Im an introvert leo thus I suck at communication, I’m a bit sarcastic and sometimes I roast people unintentionally. I don’t know why I have a hard time saying ’ I love you ’ even with my family. I’m not a physical person either, the only person I let touch me is my partner or my pets. I show my love through actions and support, my love language is quality time. I become a bit silly around my loved ones and I loooove to prank them. I have siblings and I’m the oldest, I have always been the mediator when it comes to resolve fights between them. I never considered myself clever and I lack self esteem because of this, but when I’m doing a job, I need to do it right and I work hard so I can feel the satisfaction of my boss or clients, I’m not scared of responsibilities.

On my own, I have a world to myself, I love fantasy, mystery and horror stuffs, my space needs to be cozy at all times. I’m sensitive to loud noises so I like it when its silent, at best I can tolerate music like classic, lofi, or ost from movies/video games. I love digital painting, and clean/organized stuffs. I love beautiful things, and learning about animals, humans and its psychology. I love taking care of myself, like I’m always searching for the best skin/hair products and I need to look good everytime I go outside haha.

When in relationship I need someone with a lot of patience, I’m slow to open up. And when something troubles me I tend to go silent. I don’t want to ruin the good mood so I keep my struggles to myself. I do not tolerate humiliation, or disrespect, it’s a huge turn off. I’m usually calm and would hate to “go crazy” at them. As an introvert I need my alone time so I need my partner to be understanding about this. When completely in love I tend to put my partner on a pedestal and take pride on showing them off. Also expects lots of gifts and surprises, bc nothing is ever good enough for my partner.

Thank you for reading this far 🥺

———

hiiii! sorry for my late answer!

okay so i’ve had a few of the brothers on my mind so it was not an easy decision. i think you’d be a very nice match for Satan, Belphie and possibly Lucifer too. But Simeon would also be a decent option! (like you’re into digital painting and he’s the opposite of digital so that’d be a fun learning experience)

OK after reading your request over a couple of times i decided that you and Lucifer would totally work out!

Okay so you making people smile without shame is something that catches the attention of the 3 demons I mentioned (2 of them is good at observing and Belphie hardly ever smiles so once you get him to he’s in)

You say you have a rbf but later you mention that you like to be pretty and Lucifer definitely appreciates that in a partner. I mean someitmes you go to places where you just gotta dress nicely and neat.

He also appreciates someone with a soft side like you as that balances things out a bit, but also because he has some soft spots as well - you being a new one!

I don’ think he would open up to anyone easily, so quite some time would pass before he actually vents to you but he makes sure to make it up to you!

Well I think Lucifer is good at communicating so regarding that he would probably help you learn a bit as communication is supper important in a relationship.

Later you mention that you are responsible just like him and honestly he deeply appreciates that you are not someone to cause much trouble.

However! We all know how he likes troublemakers like Mammon, so the fact that you prank him and/or his brothers just makes him grow even fonder of you! (i think Belphie would be quick to join in as a pranking sidekick)

You also mention how you have the skills to end fights and in the HOL that’s super important for survival without losing your mind. I think you’d do a great job at fixing the bonds between Belphie and him, or maybe even Satan and him! (i mean not fixing it instead of them, but like... they could get on the healthier path thanks to you! character development)

I think he likes touching, even if his brothers are around - in fact maybe especially when they are around, so it’s nice that you’re OK with your partner being touchy. However you being there for him and running errands for him to show your love is just perfect. Quality time is also something you have in common, as I mentioned earlier expect to go to quite fancy places relatively often. Or just spending time in his room, i mean he wants alone time with you from time to time is there something wrong with that-

You working hard is also something he values a lot! and if you have similar values thats a good start.

I think you lack of self esteem would be risky if you were on his bad side but that’s not happening. Lucifer is definitely strong and capable of lifting you up a bit, I mean you are literally dating him and he knows how to recognize someone smart so really you’d have no choice but to gain some more self esteem! (not because you are dating him because it’s not healthy to have self esteem only because of your partner, but I meant it in a way that he lowkey guides you to actually start believing in yourself. )

Hmm so you liking cozy places is nice because that skeleton in his room has no business staying there like wtf-

You two have similar likes when it comes to music so thats also good. So when you two are recharging there’s never going to be any arguments about that. I think he is open to lsiten to whatever music his partner likes but tbh if you like very similar stuff as him that just can’t go wrong, right?

In case he does something you don’t like you’ll absolutely have to tell him though! He will notice when you aren’t feeling yourself and it’s better to confront him about it than wait for him to bring this up.

It’s also nice that you have your standards high like that especially when it comes to your partner as he is a demon with high standards! though he appreciates literally anything you give him, this man is just so in love.

So this relationship includes two responsible adults and he helps you develop better communication skills & self esteem! the two of you can rely on the other at all times emotianlly and responsibility-wise as well. (though he might have a bit hard time to actually ask you for help, but once you get to know him and his capability. You’d help his relation with above mentioned brothers and him being family oriented he’d really love that and would never forget about how much he owes you for that.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #om! lucifer #obey me shall we date #obey me matchup #obey me swd #swd obey me #lucifer obey me #om!#submission

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binkysteebnpewter · 4 years

Note

All of them 😤

Ehehe 😂💗

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.

2. are you artistic?

Somewhat?

3. Have you had your first kiss?

Yes

4. What is your life goal?

It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

Nope

6. Do you play any sports?

Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS

7. What’s your worst fear?

I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

My late Nana, Gloria.

9. Do you have any cool talents?

Answered in previous ask

10. are you a morning person?

Not at all

11. How do you feel about pet names?

I love them

12. Do you like to read?

Absolutely

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie

14. Do you care about your follower count?

Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I don’t remember most of my happy dreams

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

Yep!

17. Do you have any pets?

I have three dogs 🥺💗

18. Are you religious?

No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.

19. Are you a people person?

Not really

20. Are you considered popular?

Nope, and I don’t care to be

21. What is one of your bad habits?

Overthinking

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

Opening up my emotions to other people

23. What would you name your children?

No clue

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

There’s a bunch ig

25. What’s your best subject?

Science and history

26. Dogs or cats?

Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube

28. best friends name

Duke

29. who does your main family consist of

My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood

30. Chocolate or sugar

Both

31. have you ever been on a date?

Yep

32. Do you like rollercosters?

Absolutely love them

33. Can you swim?

Yes 💗

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?

Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression

36. Are your parents together?

Nope.

37. What’s your favourite colour?

Dark green and Dark Blue

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Unfortunately, the U.S

39. Favourite singer?

Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

Nope, I run from being the center of attention.

41. Do you like dresses?

Not really

42. Favourite song right now?

Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Sort of.

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

No clue, I don’t remember

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yep

46. Have you ever done yoga?

47. Are you a horror girl?

YES 😈

48. Are you good at giving advice?

I suppose I am?

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.

50. How are you doing today?

51. Were you a cute kid?

I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid

52. Can you dance?

I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No because I’m a ginger. I can’t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.

55. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

56. What’s your favourite animal?

Answered in previous ask

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

Multiple times

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you have good friends?

I have some amazing friends🥺💗

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

Yep!

61. What’s your favourite class?

My favorite class was Psychology

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.

63. Are you organized?

Somewhat?

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.

67. Which tv character do you relate to most?

Spencer Reid

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Anxiety, Depression, overthinking

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

A lot 😂

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?

I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

I— idk?

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

Im not sure

79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

No clue tbh

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.

85. What motivates you to succeed?

Failure motivates me to succeed.

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

Woods, its peaceful.

88. Do you believe in life after death?

I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

Meeting Lily

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

Lily, because I really miss her.

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.

94. What do you think happens after we die?

Idk and idrc either tbh

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

I’d probably scare some people

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

98. How did your first crush develop?

They were nice to me when no one else was

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.

#grace speaks #100 questions #@breadgenie892 #ill protect my munchkins 😌💗#my munchkins 🥺💗

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warmau · 5 years

Text

{Reverse!Beauty x the Beast AU} Wonwoo

*this post was commissioned | beast!reader and beauty(?)!wonwoo, with my own twist on the plot!! *tw: mentions of violence, mentions of blood

time ticks by slowly, every second of every day is filled with inexplicable loneliness and pain

how long have i been like this? who was i before i become,,,,,a monster?

the questions circle in your mind - as you circle the cold halls of a castle that once bore the bustling light and love of your family

of your kingdom

till a cursed, jealous women brought wraith upon your family, banished them into nothingness and left you

the you who once had bright eyes, pink lips that read poems to your younger siblings in the garden

left you - mangled and broken

all that has been left of this place - that has been left of your humanity is that garden that has overgrown with weeds since you were destroyed

ugly vines and spreading spores, taken the places of once lush bushes and tall stemmed flowers

the only smudge of a better time remaining are the roses

the red roses

you nurture with the hairy paws that crush everything else

i am doomed to this fate, but i will protect what still holds the memory of my past,,,,,,,,anyone who dare step foot in my garden,,,,,,,i shall rip oyu to shreds!

on the other side of the woods, lives jeon wonwoo

oblivious to your horrors - a quiet, bookish boy who works hard delivering newspapers to help support his traveling merchant father

and otherwise greedy older sisters

he’s clean cut, with curly dark hair and eye of an earthy, but sparkling brown

humble, wearing the same cap his father brought back from the main village for three years now

and never one to ask for a second meal at dinner time

he rides his bike, long legs peddling him fast among the cobble streets

throwing papers at the doorsteps

ears going red when older maidens open their windows to shout out compliments

respectfully declining offers of free fruit or flowers from love struck younger girls in the town square

he’s never been anything but kind, if not even a bit of a bleeding heart and his father couldn’t have asked for a better son

so when his father announces a trip to the main village again - wonwoo’s sisters squabble over who gets to give papa a long list of expensive gifts to bring back first

while wonwoo simply shrugs

“a red rose would be nice, to put something colorful on my window.”

his father smiles, hand on wonwoo’s shoulder

“i’ll be back in a weeks time - make sure your sisters don’t make,,,,,mistakes while im gone.”

wonwoo waves goodbye as his father pulls off in the familiar carriage

the sisters are already talking about how they’ll spend this allowance he’s left, but all that is on wonwoo’s mind is his paper route in the morning

he gets up, bright and early, sleepiness following him to the table where he yawns and watches out of the window as the sleepy little forest-edge town he lives in wakes with him

he buttons up his vest, puts on the matching cap and hops on his bike for the usual route

the summer breeze is pleasant against his skin and he hopes that the dark circles that always have a habit of forming under his eyes after sleeping go away quickly

the towns children always tease him for looking like a crow with them

“why why,,,,,now is that who i think it is!”

wonwoo hates to admit it, but the voice sparks a slight bit of panic whenever he hears it

it belongs to an old friend he’s known since they were both children, and while wonwoo had chosen to stay at home and help out his family

mingyu had chosen to join the local army

and had not only been made a hero - but had come back with the idea that he just had to recruit wonwoo

“good morning mingyu-”

the boy hops down from the windowsill he’d been lounging against

he’s still wearing the issued uniform, crisp white britches and a stiff looking royal blue coat

his hair is done up and out of his face and wonwoo can’t believe this clean cut guy

is the same person he used to run around in farm mud with when they were just young teenagers

“i see you’re still doing the paper route?”

mingyu flashes a bright white smile and plucks a rolled up newspaper from wonwoo’s basket

he unrolls it, reading a headline as wonwoo attempts to snatch it back

“wonwoo, ive told you this a million and one times - you can make much better money in the reserve!”

“i can’t leave my sisters and fathers behind to fight foolish battles on behalf of some king in some castle.”

mingyu chuckles

“always being political and smart wonwoo, but we both know what matters and that’s money - and money -”

mingyu drops the newspaper to the floor and fixes the pristine buttons on his cuffs

“money can buy even happiness!”

wonwoo resists the urge to roll his eyes, he’s told mingyu a million times that he’s not joining any army - especially when it’s much more about showing off than anything else

he picks up the newspaper and kicks back up his bike

“ill be late with my delivery’s, see you around mingyu”

mingyu huffs but before he can complain once more, wonwoo is off - throwing papers left and right until he can return back home

back in your castle, you watch the summer sun rise and fall

like a slow exhale, the light sinks into a backdrop of darkness and you walk through the halls

all the mirrors that once lined various rooms have been long since smashed

glass still on the tiles, a low groaning sound coming from the back of your throat when you think of the times you’ve been forced to come face to face with your own reflection

ugly, overgrown teeth - sharp and always stained. hair that tangles and is too thick to handle - hair all over my body. and these claws,,,,these hands once nimble and playing the piano for ballrooms full of dancing guests,,,,are now nothing but killing machines

you hate summer the most - the season when you should be able to spend the most time outside

tending to your garden, humming to the sweet tune of a favorite song

yet it has been so long since you’ve let anyone else gaze upon you

the risk running high every time you step out, the whispering woods could reveal a stranger

and they could see you - call you names - have you killed

that’s why you’ve learned to keep to yourself, inside your cold halls, the old furniture is what is left to keep you company

but this evening feels different, you’ve paced the window - glances thrown out into the garden

no one is going to touch my rose bush, but why do i feel as if -

and then you see him

a human

an older human, whose parked a peasant looking carriage outside the gates

he seems to be unaware of you, up at the window, watching

as he makes his way around the maze of plants

before stopping at the rose bush

at first - you stand still and hope that he won’t be so foolish as to try and pluck one off its leaves

but he does

and a fire inside you snaps

no one touches them!

you roar, jumping from the window and pouncing right onto the man

he’s shaking with terror as you lean your entire body weight forward

snarling

“what do you want”

you ask, your voice gruff and sharp

“i just - i was just admiring the roses -”

“LIAR!”

you raise your hand, extending one of your claws

but the human covers his face in fear

“no please, im sorry my son asked for me to bring back a rose and you’re the only one whose garden has any -”

you hesitate, because you can smell how scared he is

and you are a monster - but you’ve never wanted others to see you that way

then again,,,,,,you spot the petals of the flower he tore fall against the soil

you jump back, but wring your hand around his neck

if you let him off, he’ll tell others about you! he’ll make sure everyone comes in droves - he’ll tell them how you look! how disgusting you are! how weak you are!

the fire burns and spreads through your body, your hold tightens and the man begins to beg

“bring me your son, he will pay for your crime.”

you hiss the ultimatum, throwing the man to the ground with a hard thud

“if he does not come within three days - i will find you and him and the rest of your family myself.”

the threat in your voice is so venomous and cruel, you hardly recognize that it’s you

the man skids backwards, before turning and pulling himself up to run back to his carriage

you stand there, breathing heavy before dropping to the dirt beside the torn flower

you cradle it, but your claws cut through the fragile red petals

when wonwoo’s father returns - wonwoo can see the mark on his neck

it looks like something from a bear

but his sisters just push past each other to ogle the gods the father has returned with

wonwoo takes his papa to the side and asks quietly

“and my rose?”

“unfortunately,,,,,i could not retrieve it and even worse,,,,”

wonwoo’s father tells him, in a hushed voice, about his encounter with a beast in the forest

at first wonwoo doesn’t believe it - it must be a story of fairy tail

but the mark on his fathers neck and the trembling in his voice convinces him otherwise

“of course, im not going to send you into those woods. im going to tell the local soldiers and see if the army can hand-”

“i can take care of this myself.”

wonwoo takes off his cap and drops it into his fathers hands

“i will go and speak with this beast myself.”

wonwoo’s father pleas for him to reconsider, to sleep on it, to just think hard about such a dangerous decision

“you don’t know what i saw out there,,,,that thing is evil!”

“it said it would come for our family, papa - i will go and make sure that we are safe.”

wonwoo’s father goes to bed telling wonwoo over and over that he should do so as well

but once nightfall cloaks the town, wonwoo prepares a bundle of bread and ventures out into the dark woods

his father had mentioned that the abandoned garden had been somewhere off the carriages path

but after hours of wondering, it’s obvious that he’s lost

and the sound of nearby wolves chills wonwoo to the bone

he’s never been one to be afraid - he’s always been rather brave, if not complaint with any pain or fear that’s come in his life

but this is something new

this is something unknown

wonwoo circles what he thinks is the same camp of trees until finally taking a seat beside some of the giant roots

he opens his bundle, but before he can take a bite of his bread he hears it

a growl

there are only seconds before wonwoo looks up - his brown eyes meeting the flashing yellow irises of a wolf

it’s big, with messy fur and chewed up ears - it bares its teeth as soon as it makes eye contact

and wonwoo’s blood goes cold

if i die here, the beast will still go after my family!

he thinks, quickly trying to piece together a cause of action

he takes the bread he’s holding and tosses it to the side - a momentary distraction, but as soon as wonwoo gets up

he moves to run, but it’s too late the teeth are sharp, lodged into the meat of his leg

wonwoo has felt pain, but not like this

not a pain that leaves him tumbling onto the forest floor, grasping at the dirt for dear life

the image of his father, his sisters, the townspeople flash through his mind and his racing heart

when suddenly

the teeth are gone

the pain is pulsing, but it isn’t digging into him

and he is not being mauled again

instead he’s left laying, coldness creeping up - darkness filling the parts of his vision that obscure the figure that picks him up

you haven’t been this close to a human in what must be years

and this human is handsome, dark long eyelashes and perfect sun kissed skin

his curly hair is slightly matted with dirt, but you pick it out and smoothen it down

eyes lingering on the curve of his lips

he has a likeness that matches that of the old man who you’d caught in your garden

he really sent his only son? he didn’t lie to me? what did he say his name was,,,,wonwoo?

you study the face, and then the long lean body that belongs to it

but when the human begins to twitch, the bandaged leg you’ve treated jerking a slight bit

you rush out of the room at once

we must not let him see me! if he does, he will think i attacked him!

the heavy wooden door shuts behind you as you hurry back to the confines of the master bedroom

the sound is what startles wonwoo awake

when he sits up, he can feel the dull ache of his leg wound - but is surprised to see that it’s been cleaned and taken care of

the room he’s in is large - even in the dim light of a nearby candle he can tell that it’s grandiose

probably once gorgeous in its prime, the wallpaper now fades and the bed he’s laying on seems to have made friends with its layer of dust

for a moment he tries to assess where he might be

“could i be ,,,”

he begins, but the words die on his lips

there is no way that he is in the beasts castle,,,,that would have meant that the beast has rescued him from the wolves attack

and a beast that had hurt his father - could not be such a kind animal

but then, wonwoo thinks, where could he be?

the walls don’t answer any of his question, not when he calls out and his voice echoes through the lonely castle

only when glancing over the foyer does he notice another small candlight from below

wonwoo adjusts his shirt, noticing that he’s left the vest he usually wears back in the room - the person who had carried him back must have taken it off when they’d fixed up his leg

he tries to press his hair a bit, and clear his throat

“im awfully sorry to intrude - are you the owner of this -”

he says as he descends the stairs toward the light

but,,,,,,,,there is no one in the room

only a long table - one cloth mat set up right at the end with a warm helping of soup

and various smaller side dishes with a paired old wine

wonwoo stares, the surprise doesn’t beat out his hunger nor his caution

and he takes a seat

he picks up one of the knives, but places it down

even though this space is also empty, and no one has come out to greet him - he think it’d be rude to not say a thank you

so he calls one out before he starts his meal, and you - floors above him in the isolation of your room

can hear the warmth of his voice

this human,,,,,wonwoo seems to be less vicious than the ones who’ve crossed this path before. perhaps i will let him spend the night and just allow him to go.

wonwoo does just that, he wanders a bit and you listen as he touches paintings and peeks into other closed doors

he doesn’t come close to your room though, even if he did he wouldn’t be able to budge it open

but before he returns to the room you’d set up for him

he exits out into the garden

he’s limping a bit from the injury - and you watch intently as he winds through the same maze his father did

before coming to a stop before your prized roses

he touches them, but doesn’t dare take one from the bush

instead he seems to just admire them

“beautiful,,,,”

he breathes, and then turns his head up to window of the castle

you dodge backwards, frightened that he’s seen you

but there is no scream of terror or no acclimation of horror

so you assume you’re safe

and when wonwoo returns to go to bed again, you leave your chambers

down the hall and out into the garden - you touch the rose he touched and his warmth still lingers

how it would feel to be called beautiful again,,,,,how it would feel to be loved by a human again,,,,

wonwoo decides in the morning that he should go back to trying to find the beasts home

whoever the kind stranger was that fixed him up and helped me have a bed for the night has still not shown themselves

and wonwoo is surprised that in the morning there are fresh berries in bowls laid out at the table

he calls out another thank you, but this time

there is a reply

“you’re very welcome”

the voice is rugged, pained, and sounds like a mixture of words and groaned noises

it makes wonwoo pause

no human has a voice like that, this house does belong to the beast!

the realization causes him to freeze

but this beast - took care of me. feed me and cleaned my wounds,,,,,

wonwoo hesitates but calls out into the emptiness one more time

“can you come out so i can thank you properly?”

there is a spark of panic, and you roar back a defiant “NO”

you think it’ll scare this person away, but he doesn’t seem to faint of heart

“please, i would think it very rude if i did not see a host that treated me so well.”

you twitch, looking down into the palms of your hand - the claws that had wringed this own boys father’s neck

the horrid mess of hair and teeth and just anger which has settled within you

how could you show yourself like this?

but the voice was pure, deep and ringing with truth

somehow it pulled you out of the shadows of your castle and into the open light of the dining room

at first, wonwoo doesn’t move his eyes from yours

which have become unnaturally lined with red, pupils slitted like that of a cats

he then lets his gaze travel over all of you

take in the rags you’re wearing - once a beautiful outfit you’d been gifted by your mother

the necklace you wear almost blackened by the same cursed magic that made you like this

wonwoo does not speak for a moment and you are ready to retreat back - not put him through anymore

when suddenly he walks forward

the closer and closer he gets the more anxious you are

your animalistic instinct tells you to get ready to attack, but wonwoo’s hand on yours is gentle

“thank you for saving me from that wolf.”

he smiles and a feeling of warmth spreads up through you which has been a stranger to you for years

“and im here to take the punishment on behalf of my father who stole from you.”

you pull back your arm, touching the spot where he’d brushed your skin as if it had just been burned

“no, ,,,, just go”

you groan out, but wonwoo doesn’t budge

“im sorry that my father tried to take one of your beautiful roses, and if you’d like i can stay here and tend to the garden as punishment. would that suffice?”

the words confuse you, his calmness and lack of disgust make the room spin

and this is the first time you’ve let daylight cast down on you for so long

so you put up a hand

“if you wish to do so,,,,,,you are free to stay and repay the debt,,,once a new rose blossoms - you may go!”

wonwoo’s smile returns and something inside you that’s still human stirs

“thank you, it seems we have a deal then.”

wonwoo commits one hundred percent to the agreement of tending to the garden

for the first few days you are sure he’s going to run away, afterall the gates are open

nothing is binding him to stay

but he keeps his word, watering and digging and doing all of the work that you usually do in the dead of night

under the bright sunlight, small streaks of dirt on his cheek

as you watch from the window of your room

he catches you one afternoon, and instead of retreating into the shadows - you watch him wave

and call up

“please have dinner with me tonight?”

and you just can’t understand - why is he so kind to me? does he not see me as the vile thing i am?

dinner is awkward, at least for you - whose used to tearing into meats like a rabid dog, no use for utensils when your fangs could rip off flesh

and instead of being disgusted

wonwoo tries to copy you, but ends up with sauce over his button up instead

you laugh

or let out some sort of jolly sound, which is so loud is sends the old chandelier above you two swinging

but wonwoo only stares up in wonder before grinning too

“how impressive!”

you look down, shy of your display but wonwoo really means it

soon enough, you’re not shy of it anymore

you are open enough to allow wonwoo to see you in the daylight - you even join him for gardening

and before you know it,,,time has passed,,,,,autumn creeps up

and a bud of a rose appears on the bush

you two admire it

and wonwoo suddenly says, “how is it that these roses are so much bigger than any others ive seen before?”

you cast your eyes down, and feel the pain of old memories rush in

wonwoo seems to catch onto the tension and gives a small apology

but you reach out - stopping yourself before one of your claws can tear through the delicate little leaves

“my mother planted them,,,,,she said the magic of her love for me and my father would make them the most beautiful in the land ,,,,”

your voice drops

“but not even her own magic could save her from her downfall,,,,,or save me from this curse”

wonwoo touches your wrist again, this time you don’t jerk from his hand

but let the comfort of another person’s sympathy wash over you like a gentle wave

“is there anyway to break this curse?”

you sadly shake your head

“i would need the tears of someone who loves me to break it. but everyone that loves me,,,,,,is dead.”

there isn’t much one can say to that, so you do not feel hurt by the silence that follows - instead you focus on the bud that is growing

“soon it will bloom - and you can see your loved ones again.”

wonwoo gives a small nod

“i miss them, but i will miss you too beast”

the sentiment pings through your hearts cold walls, melting them down and causing the human parts of you to buzz

you don’t want to take this all so seriously, but that means more than you could ever imagine

and when the day comes, that you awaken and peer out of your window to see the rose has blossomed

it hurts more than it should

it’s when you hear a banging on the gate that you realize,,,,,,,something is wrong

you rush down, wonwoo following in step behind you

when suddenly you see a group of people and they’re holding - torches

“LET US IN YOU UGLY BEAST!”

“GIVE ME BACK MY SON YOU MONSTER!”

“WONWOO! ARE YOU ALIVE?”

your eyes widden, the colors turning a dark and malicious red

you look to wonwoo, your back hunching in pain

“you - you called a mob on me!?!?”

he looks back at you, just as terrified

“no, no i would never - i think my father told some of the townspeople i hadn’t come back -”

the sound of the gate breaking stops you both

charging toward you, like a thunderous stamped of bulls are angry looking humans of all shapes and sizes

you can see the father of wonwoo at the helm with another tall person, he looks like a soldier that you’d remembered seeing back when you were young

the group runs past you - you hear the only home you’ve ever known being destroyed and pulled apart

and the soldier looking one takes out a long, clean silver sword and holds it out to you

“mingyu don’t-”

wonwoo’s voice fades in

but you ignore it, dropping down low on all fours and letting your fangs jut out

the soldier, mingyu, watches you with horror

“how disgusting!”

he yells and you two charge at one and other

you doge a sword slash and let one large claw slash at the front of his uniform - digging in deep to draw blood

you pull back, running a hand across your mouth - looking at the blood on your claws

“no mingyu leave them alone -”

wonwoo pleads, but when he tries to bolt after you - his father holds him back

“wonwoo, we must kill this beast or it will continue to terrorize us!”

“they are not just a beast! they are a kind person who saved me -”

mingyu groans, but gets up, landing another sword slash that catches you on the shoulder

you tetter backwards, gripping your wound

“wonwoo! have you absolutely lost it! this thing tried to kill your father - and you’re defending it?!”

you can hear the destruction going on in your home, heirlooms being broken - paintings being torn

but you see red - you see this soldier, with his bloody uniform and his big sword

and you see wonwoo - who had been so kind,,,,,so sweet,,,,,,,,,,betraying you to these people

you lunge again and wonwoo screams

his voice louder than you’ve ever heard - but the sword pierces through you

and you find yourself pinned down in a matter of moments, a metallic iron taste in your mouth

a darkness gnawing at the sides of your vision

“get off of them!”

you hear and suddenly the weight of mingyu’s knee is not in your chest anymore

instead you see a blurry image

wonwoo, his handsome face twisted into fear

are you scared of me? or are you scared of me?

you think, blinking between light and dark

do you see me as just a monstrous beast? or do you see me as the person i am inside?

wonwoo’s touch on your face doesn’t feel warm enough to stop the impending coldness of depth

do you know that beasts like me can fall in love too?

suddenly the world is still and wonwoo is gone

there is just pain and black

and then

wetness

wetness on your face, salty and small

tears - who is crying,,,,are the angels crying to have seen such an ugly thing?

fluttering, it’s a fulttering feeling

but then it almost stings - like a wound being sown up

you try to pick up your hand, but it isn’t your hand - it’s a human hand

no claws

no blood

you look at it and then back at the person whose crying over you

it is an angel - an angel that looks like

“w-wonwoo?”

he pushes back another sob, before whispering “b-beast?”

“no, im -”

you say your name, out loud for the first time in years

the hair that falls over your shoulders is not the same mangy mess

your clothing isn’t tattered

there isn’t a sword sticking out of your gut

you’ve been transformed

wonwoo pulls you up, into the embrace of his arms

the crowd around you shares a collective gasp

and you hear mingyu’s sword clatter to the floor

“the beast - the beast was a human!?”

“we just ruined this poor persons home for nothing?!”

the sounds, the people, the smell of a fire all hit you at a million miles

but nothing hits you more than the scent of wonwoo, the feeling of his cheek on your cheek

and when you pull back you lean in to kiss the remaining tears on his face

there are apologizes, questions, and much more being thrown around

wonwoo’s own father falls down on his knees beside you and asks if you’re hurt - that he didn’t know who you really were

mingyu quickly shrugs off his uniform coat and offers it to you

but none of that matters

as wonwoo looks at you - the redness around your eyes disappearing slowly

the golden shimmer returning to your necklace, the human glow on your skin

and through the strands of hair - suddenly, blooms a vivid red rose

“your curse,,,it’s broken”

he whispers

“because of your tears - because of the tears of someone who loves me”

wonwoo leans in, lips against yours - and the mob that had yelled angrily at you breaks out into applause

the life and beauty returning to the ruined castle, the unkempt gardens, and everywhere

on every bush

bloom those red roses

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo au #17 scenarios #17 imagines #17 au #sfw #member: wonwoo #writing commissions #pledis seventeen #Seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #jeon wonwoo

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thequeenofadream · 5 years

Text

You (Roger Taylor x Reader)

Summary: You by Dodie Clark, but with a twist ;)

Words: 3676

Notes: TW: MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL DRINKING AND ALMOST GETTING HIT. angsty at first, but gets pretty fluffy uwu haha + swearing + lyrics are italicized

A/N: this is for @queens-n-roses 2k writing challenge anddd reading all the other entries got me thinking well shit so here i am in all my shittiness ha ha ha anyways this is also my first time doing a song thing so tell me what you guys think! also also this is late bc im on my last weeks of school so sorry but expect more fics during summer!! (march-june for all ur western people) sdfdjks u know what im gonna leave a seperate post for the a/n fic bc yall i have kwento bye love you all <3

☀ tagging: @obsessedwithrogertaylor @malekdarling @i-padfootblack-things

~~~~~~~~~

I told you I was looking for some empathy

Well, you fooled me

You slammed the door of the apartment you and Roger shared. You had just broken up with you boyfriend, Zach, as he was a misogynistic prick. He had insisted that you move out of your apartment with Rog and move in with him.

You had repeatedly told him no, especially since moving was expensive for college student. You had also only been dating for a month, and the whole thing seemed too fast. In response, he called you a ‘whore’ and ‘cheating bitch’, but the thing that took the cake was when he had punched a hole in his wall, which missed you by a mere inch.

You told him that you never wanted to see his face again, and got out of there, leaving him in a shocked state.You ran straight home, never looking back, tears running down your face. You couldn’t believe you didn’t see his nasty attitude before, but you were glad you got out of it before anything escalated.

Roger was sitting on the couch reading a car magazine, when the sharp noise caused his to dart up seeing you in disarray. You marched right over to your room and closed the door, leaving Rog completely clueless to whatever had happened. He followed you quietly, wanting to comfort you, but the door was locked shut.

He put his ear against the door, trying to make out anything from your sobs, but all he could hear was your crying. He’d seen you cry before, but not to the point that didn't even talk to him. It concerned him a lot, but instead of getting the spare key, he decided to give you some space for now. He told himself he’d make it up in the morning.

You were glad you had stashed a bottle of vodka in the dark corners of your cabinet. You were a shaky mess while the bottle sat in your hand. You placed the bottle between your lips, feeling the taste of alcohol rush into your mouth. It left a burning sensation as it made its way down to your stomach.

You didn’t know what you were feeling right now, but it definitely helped you take your mind off what had just happened.

You fell asleep on the floor with your back against your bed. Your mind wandered between fear, anger and sadness during your last moments of consciousness.

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache. The soft pillow on underneath your head, made you feel the slightest bit better. Wait. You realised you were up on your bed, tucked in your comfy duvy. The light peered through your windows making your head throb at the brightness.

You looked away to darker parts of your room, seeing some pain relievers and a glass of water sitting on your night stand which only perpetuated your confusion. Nonetheless, you took them both, making you feel just a bit better. You were about to get up when your door swung open, hitting the wall.

“Whoops I’m sorry.”

You saw Roger holding a tray of pancakes. The stack of pancakes was adorned by powdered sugar and a trickling waterfall of maple syrup. It was such a heavenly sight, you had to restrain yourself from lunging at the sight of it. You couldn’t believe that Roger had made it for you. You couldn't believe Roger was responsible for it. He sat on your side of the bed placing the pancakes down.

When he had gotten a good look at you, he saw how distraught you were. You eyes were sore and puffy; Your hair was disheveled mess, sticking out in all directions. It was a good thing he left the pain relievers for you.

“What’s the occasion?” You practically drooling over the pancakes as Roger set them down.

“You seemed sad last night, so I head to the local diner and got some takeaway pancakes.”

“I knew you couldn’t have made them! and if you did, i guess that i’d have a big mess to clean.”

You both laughed. He’d been your best friend for five years now, and you both knew each other like the back of your hand. He handed you a fork as you wasted no time taking a bite out of them. It was a divine breakfast to say the least. You were devouring every piece as if it was your first meal in a hundred years. Roger could only sit back and watch, amused by how much happiness these pancakes. Little did he know it wasn’t necessarily the pancakes that made you happy.

“So were the pain relievers from you as well?” You asked, finishing up the last bit of pancakes. You laid your back against the headboard, the paper plate and plastic fork in hand.

“Yup, it scared me how much vodka you had drunk.” There was pity in his eyes as he said it. He saw how much was left in the bottle you held while you slept and it petrified him. For a second he thought you had died, but his worries were quickly washed away when he felt a pulse.

“Well yeah, you’ll have to remind me in the coming days.”

You trailed off, remembering your sorrow and pain from last night. You set down the now empty plate and fork onto the trail and took the glass of water from the night stand. Roger frowned seeing you still weren’t over what ever had happen. He thought that he might get punched for asking the question, but it was inevitable.

“So, what happened?”

You continued drinking your water, not really wanting to answer. You wanted to put it off for as long as possible, but Rog was persistent.

“You know you’ll have to talk about it sooner or later. It’s not healthy to keep it in, especially since you almost killed yourself over it.”

You stopped drinking and took a deep sigh. He was right.

“Zach and I broke up. He-” Your breath hitched and tears threatened to flood down your cheek.

Roger reddened, at the mention of Zach’s name. He always thought he condescending asshole. He’d always try to play nice around him just so you could be happy, but there were times when he couldn’t. He’d tell you that he was a dick or a pisshat. You’d always tell him to give Zach a chance, but deep down inside you agreed with every little statement.

“What’d the bloody wanker do?”

The anger in his eyes was terrifying. They were like lightning bolts that were about to strike at any moment, any where.

“He almost punched me, but he missed. He left a hole in the wall instead.”

You spoke softly as a tear rolled down your left cheek. You would have shrugged it off convincing Roger it wasn’t a big deal, but you couldn’t lie. You were horror-struck.

Meanwhile, Roger would have gone into complete hysterics if he wasn’t sitting on your bed at the moment. He tried to compose himself, but he couldn’t. He was ready to throw tables. He was ready to smack the Zach into the bloody ocean. He tensed up everywhere and you noticed his arms’ veins were completely evident. His gaze went dark as he angrily grit through his teeth.

“I’ll kill him.”

You put a hand on his arm, trying your best to get him to calm down. You stroke his arm gently, as he directed his attention back to you.

“Rog, I’m fine, no scars, no cuts. I’m just scared he might come looking for me.”

“I promise I won’t let that happen. I’ll always be there for you.”

He gave you a badly needed hugged, as he realised you needed to be comforted first and foremost. Despite the tight hug, it felt kind and tender. You sank into the hug as it was the first time someone had touched you with such affection and care. You truly felt loved.

Just a touch and a thought and I was gone

It had been days since the incident and you were relatively fine. You hadn’t seen Zach anywhere and you were starting to get back on your feet. Roger had really helped you get back to your normal self. He’d always speak out about his desire to “beat the shit and bullocks out the bloody cunt”, but you’d assure him, you didn’t even want to hear about him anymore.

Tonight was your first night out since, and Roger was accompanying you to be your wingman of sorts. He had thoroughly convinced you to get out and mingle and you had finally gave in. He had also invited Fred, Brian and John, but they all had turned it down last minute; something about them all going to the same meeting. It was a very bullshit excuse, but you and Rog didn’t really mind. It was high time the two of you had some best friend bonding anyways.

You were looking through dresses in your wardrobe, when you had finally found the perfect one. You went with a sparkly tube that ended mid-thigh; You thought it would do nicely with the white pair of boots you had bought the other day. You looked in the mirror, checking yourself out for a moment before you heard a voice from your bedroom doorway.

“I’d check myself out too if I were you.”

You looked back to see the blonde drummer himself, leaning against the door frame. A blush spread throughout your cheeks at his flirtatious comment; his flirtatious comments were quite regular, but you couldn’t help but blush.

Ever since he comforted you, you couldn’t help but feel more amorous around him. You’ve tried to brush it off, but your little crush on your best friend was growing stronger and stronger by the minute.

“Uh yeah well we should get going, before it gets too crowded.”

You hid your face behind your purse as you walked past him. He looked at you in confusion, wondering why you’d become so embarrassed all of a sudden, because you usually had some witty remark ready, but he followed nonetheless.

The walk to bar was relatively normal; you both talked about your day at university. You couldn’t help but stare intently into his eyes during conversation. You mentally scolded yourself for looking at him so love-struck.

By the time you had gotten to the bar, the chaotic atmosphere was in full swing. The pungent aroma of alcohol filled the air as you both stepped in. You both looked at each other knowing exactly what to do. He headed to bar to get some drinks while you searched for a booth. You pushed past the crowd to find a small booth by the corner of the bar. You slipped and looked around, really taking in the scene.

You toyed with the hem of the dress you wore, not really knowing what else to do. You came here feeling pretty confident, but now you really just wished you were home alone with Rog, playing scrabble. You came to impress the masses, but you were having second thoughts. You realised that the only reason you agreed to this whole night out thing was to impress Roger.

It seemed to always be about him.

You pressed your head against the table, realising just how strong you’d fallen in love with him. It was pathetic to say the least. You had fallen in love with a rising drummer who is known to steal the hearts of many. How could one compete?

You had barely spent five minutes in the pub, but you knew it wasn’t going to be a fun night. You decided you were gonna tell him this whole thing was too much for you and you were going to head home. You stood up from your booth and went to the bar.

When you got there, you found several girls fawning over him; You felt that he was the Queen Helen at times, just like Helen, his handsome face could start bloody wars.

You hoped that maybe he would accompany you home and you could hang out, but it was obvious he going home with someone who definitely wasn’t you. You squeezed through the crowd of females, before Roger noticed you and called out your name.

“(Y/N)! Sorry, I got a bit carried away.” He gestured towards the girls who cornered him into the tight spot.

“It’s fine. I’m just gonna head home, I remembered as assignment or two due tomorrow.” You lied, not really looking at him.

He was too drunk to hear you over the loud music, but he nodded thinking you said that you were going to head home with someone. There was a ping of jealousy that shot through his veins, but he ignored it. This was your night, he wasn’t going to stop you from having any fun.

You were a bit scared to leave all alone, but you quickly pushed those those thoughts away as you walked towards the exit. As you left the pub, rain started pouring. You rolled your eyes, sarcastically thanking the world for such great luck. You ran home as fast as you could but by the time you got home, you were soaking wet and too tired to do anything. You just changed into dry clothes and fell asleep on the couch whilst watching an episode of coronation street.

Why do all the red flags

Just look like so much fun, oh

I have a habit of searching for the damage

To share my love

You were out with your friend, Maria, having a chatting over some tea at cafe near the University. You were talking about random things that came to mind, until she brought up your love life.

“So, I heard you finally broke up with that awful douchebag, Zach.” She raised an eyebrow, hoping it was very much true. You just nodded in response, not really wanting to talk about it.

“Well, have you been out since?”

“Nope, but I did go to the pub with Rog the other night. I left early, but he went home with someone else.”

Your eyes lit up when you Roger’s name, but it quickly faded when you remembered he didn’t go home with you. Someone else ended up in his arms that night. Maria noticed this very clearly and did not hesitate to bring it up.

“Do you fancy Roger?”

She asked simply, taking a sip of her tea. You blushed, not really knowing how to respond. You hadn’t told anyone about your sudden intrigue towards him, so your mind was trying to find a response, before your friend answered the question herself.

“Oh my god, you have! You’re absolutely flustered.” She pointed at your cheeks that were as red as ever. She laughed at how embarrassed you were over it.

“Can you shut up! Nobody knows.” You scolded her, swatting her hands away. You drank some of your tea, to hide the increasing temperature of your cheeks as Maria calmed down.

“As much as I love your little friendship, that’s a really bad idea.” She said seriously. You put your cup down, listening to what she had to say.

“I mean no offense, but Roger’s well Roger. Literally everyone knows him as hot drummer you have to take home at the end of the night. You’re just you. You probably just fell in love with him, because you had no one else to love.

You were a tad offended by it. You could possibly in a relationship with infamous drummer, Roger Taylor, right? You thought she was probably just jealous that you had been friends since high school, while she was just another girl in the long list of girls that wanted to talk to him. You were also very sure loved him. You didn’t think of him as just some rebound that you’d stick with until you found someone better. You thought that he was that someone better.

You tried your best to assure yourself that you weren’t a pathetic loser who had fallen in love Roger throughout the rest of your meeting with Maria.

In the end, you didn’t really succeed and you were starting to hope your infatuation was just passing.

People will tell me that I messed up

And it wasn't love

And I'm secretly hoping they are right

“Hey (Y/N), I’m sorry I let you leave alone.”

Roger suddenly blurted from across the couch. You raised your head up from the book you were reading. You wondered why he had brought it up in this particular moment. You were both across each other reading books when he had brought up the subject.

This was the first time in a while that you were together, silent. You have been refrained from seeing him too much, because you were trying to let your crush on him die in peace, but it just wouldn’t. You decided today you’d have a lazy saturday and lounge around. It just so happened that you both decided to read a book in the living room right after breakfast.

“What do you mean?” You furrowed your eyebrows, not really sure if he was talking about that night.

“I mean the first night you went out in a while. I thought you said you were going home with someone else.” He said empathetically completely putting down the book he was reading to join you on your side of the couch.

“It’s fine really, don’t worry about it.” You said going back to your book, continuing where you left off. That was when he stole the book from your grasp and tossed it aside, allowing you to focus on him.

“Ro-”

“It’s not okay. You were still recovering from asshat, Zach. What if he had found you that night?”

You just realised that possibility; you hadn’t noticed it with everything running through your mind that night, but you thought it was fine now. You were fire. Everything was fine.

“It’s fine I ran home, it was raining.” You said, looking away. Roger frowned seeing you weren’t going to budge. He scooted back the slightest bit and gave you some room to breathe.

“I just care about you a lot.” His whisper almost was almost inaudible, but you not absolutely.

“I really am fine. I’d tell you if I felt otherwise, promise.” You said looking back at him, meaning what you said. He sighed, before speaking up again.

“Then why have you been avoiding me the whole week? It’s like I barely even see you anymore and we live in the same apartment!” He said throwing his arms up. You bit your lip, wondering if this was the best time.

“Rog, I don’t think it-”

“Please.”

He looked at you pleadingly. He did not like not seeing you, he hated it. He missed the way you lit up a room with your smile. It was like his sun had been gone the whole week. He was starting to worry if he had done something wrong and that was when he remembered the night you both went out.

When he came back home in the morning, he saw you still sleeping on the couch. He realised he had misheard and you had actually gone home by yourself. He had been filled with guilt since then.

“I think I love you, okay?” You admitted quietly as you looked down, fiddling with your fingers.

“You think?” He asks. He was obviously ecstatic at the idea that you loved him, but wondered why you thought so. He wondered why you weren’t sure.

“It’s just that you’re you! I don’t know why I just fell for you all of sudden. I started noticing all these little things about you and they just made me fall deeper and deeper. I thought it would just go away, but it hasn’t. You keep me up at night, Roger Taylor.” You finished, taking a deep breathe.

“What if I told you I loved you too?”

“Well then I’d guess I’d have no choice, but to love you back. I mean this whole wanting to kiss you and everything isn’t going away.” You joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Well, I’ve loved you for quite some time, if you must know.”

“Yeah that’s funny.”

You laughed, while Roger did not really know how to respond. You thought he joking back, but he was dead serious. You realised this and stopped laughing abruptly.

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, you’re really just oblivious aren’t you?”

You blinked once and pinched yourself to ensure this wasn’t a dream. You were surprised to find out it in fact was not. Your (E/C) eyes went wide as you looked at his blue ones, which were waiting for any kind of response.

“(Y/N)?” He asked waving a hand in front of you. You snapped out of your trance and tried to speak, but it all just came out as jumbled words.

“Me? Like? You? Too? Some Time?!” You mumbled as Roger laughed at the priceless look on your face. You seemed to be absolutely surprised to this revelation. Two people who have been best friends and living with each other for over 5 years fall in love? You thought it didn’t add up.

“I could just save you some and kiss you if you’d like?” He said as your stomach did backflips at the mere thought of it. You nodded as he cupped your face and pressed his lips against yours.

You hummed happily at how sweet it was. Funnily enough, the kiss was what brought you back to reality; you started to kiss back. Your lips were both in sync with one another as if they had been aching to meet each other for such a long time. When you both pulled away, all you could think is about kissing him again.

“Yes I do love you.”

“Sure?”

“Positive.”

Oh, I really hope I don't love you

~~~~~~~~~

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honey-bri-books · 5 years

Text

The Rupture: Castiel - Part 2

A made-up extension of the ending, from episode 15x03 of Supernatural. I do not own any of the characters, do not own rights to the show, etc. All characters created by Eric Kripke. For enjoyment (hopefully not a waste of your time!) Supernatural Fan-Fic.

***Possibly re-using angel names, here. Sorry!*****

Angels in story (team Castiel):

Lailah: Night, conception

Jophiel: Wisdom, Understanding, Judgment

Aglibol: The Moon

The highway deserted, three angels make their way across the state, hoping to find an angel-friendly bar along the way. Or even an “off-limits” bar. With the few angels left and with Hell a hot mess, several bars and restaurants were now hosted by demons, angels, or a combination of both. Creating an “off-limits” environment, where fighting, maiming, but mainly killing each other was banned within the limits of the parking lot and the building. The end of days no longer an old joke but a very possible reality, many supernatural creatures realized that they'd rather enjoy earth and humanity's inventions for the remainder of their days than fight. The angel in the driver's seat increases his speed. The one in the passenger seat complains that they might get pulled over.

Lailah: Aglibol! Would you slow down, please? I don't want to have to stun any more cops, tonight. I'm exhausted. Lailah checks his hair in his compact. Though really, the blood smeared on the left side of his face, starting to crust, needed more attention. Angels didn't usually get a freshening up of their vessels until a certain amount of hours have passed. Lailah had a few more to go, before the tears and stains would disappear from his suit.

Aglibol: The roads are deserted. Besides, I'm guessing people are still cleaning up after the evil ghosties that attacked, last. Though they probably think all of the possessed humans were caught sick with something. Aglibol does slow down his speed slightly, just in case. What WAS that all about anyway? The angels had just had a huge bout with a swarm of demons. Demons who claimed that it was the end of the world, and that all angels were doomed to slaughter. Whenever anything apocalyptic happened, it always had to be heaven's fault. It didn't help that the demons they fought were drunk.

Lailah: You don't know either? I really thought at first that it was the end of times. Like, actually the end. Heard Dad left again. Lailah gives up on his hair, dyed pink and teased up to high heaven. He starts to put away his compact when the third angel in the car kicks the back of his seat. Hey! Jophi. Stop it! Jophiel leans between the driver and passenger seats and grabs the compact out of Lailah's hand. I said knock it off. Lailah tries to swipe back at Jophiel, accidentally knocking Aglibol, instead. Aglibol swerves.

Aglibol: Would you two cut that out?! Jophiel! Give Lailah his compact back.

Jophiel: I think that Kurt Russel demon chipped a tooth!

Aglibol: It'll fix itself in a few hours. Just chill. Jophiel sulks in the back seat and tosses the compact to the floor of the jeep.

Jophiel: What now? I'm thirsty.

Lailah: You're not thirsty, you just want to get drunk.

Jophiel: Honestly, was just hoping we could hit up a safe-spot with a karaoke machine. Feel like singin'. Both Lailah and Aglibol groan. Jophiel always took the voice of an angel thing as a real super-power. All angels could sing, some better than others. Jophiel just loved the looks on mortals’ faces whenever he took to the mic. But at an off-limits bar, no one would care. Half of the bar patrons would be able to sing just as well, if not better. Lailah looks over at Aglibol with a raised eyebrow. He rolls his eyes in return.

Aglibol: I actually wouldn't mind a drink, myself. Let's just wait and see what pops up along the road.

Lailah: The last sign I saw read “Rest Stop ½ a Mile” from here. Maybe there'll be a map or directory or something. Also, I just kind of wanna stretch my legs. Stars and moon look pretty from the window, but I can't really see all that well from here. Can’t do anything about that, can you Gli? Why not let the moon be visible at its best, from any position on earth? Humans should all be able to afford that luxury, at least. Lailah strains to catch the moon from the passenger side window, but it keeps getting blocked by the trees. Both Jophiel and Aglibol agree, so they pull over and park next to Castiel's truck, a few minutes later.

Aglibol: Isn't that Castiel's truck?

Jophiel: How can you tell? He's always in a different car, when we see him.

Aglibol: I ran into him several months back, and he was driving that same truck. It had a small dent in the back. The three angels get out of the jeep and go over to inspect the truck, noticing footprints leading towards the one of the wood trails.

Lailah: Where is he? Still looking for demon-boy?

Aglibol: It was a nephil he was looking for, actually. And no, that was awhile ago. They've re-united last I heard.

Jophiel: Nephil – IM. Aglibol rolls his eyes. Ha! I'm right!

Aglibol: Um, sure. I'm gonna see if he maybe headed this way. You two want to check those other two trails? Both Jophiel and Lailah look surprised.

Lailah: Er, Why? Weren't we going out for drinks? Or do you want to make sure your boyfriend has a chance to join in on the fun? Aglibol stops and looks back, annoyed.

Aglibol: It's a sad world we live in where you're simply civil to another angel for a few minutes, and everyone thinks that means you're dating him. Aglibol had helped Castiel in a scrape or two in the past, and Castiel never failed in returning the favor. Rumors started flying, when Aglibol simply walked over to Castiel who had been knocked down in a fight, and helped him to stand up asking “Are you alright?” Oh, of course! That must mean they had sexual fantasies about each other, on a daily basis!! Yeah right.

Lailah: Okay, well, let's all stick together and not split up like the first victims in a horror movie. Kay?

The three angels head down the first trail, where Castiel had walked down just moments before.

Jophiel: You guys see anything? Hey...There he is. Yo! Castiel!! Castiel is seen climbing into something. As Jophiel, Aglibol and Lailah go further down the path, they see that Castiel is climbing through an old log-fence. There's a sign hanging precariously off the fence, and it starts to swing as Castiel's coat brushes alongside it. Can't he hear me? We aren't far...Hey! Aglibol, what...but Aglibol is sprinting down the path, towards the edge of the cliff.

Aglibol: Castiel! Stop! Castiel has walked up to the edge and is just barely grounded, by his heels. Lailah and Jophiel run to catch up with Aglibol, who has just reached the fence. No, not again! Don't jump....! Castiel leans forward, Aglibol jumps the fence and reaches for Castiel's trench coat.

Lailah: What the hell?! Castiel, what are you doing?! Get away from the....both Lailah and Jophiel halt suddenly, open-mouthed as they watch Castiel fall into nothingness, off the edge of the cliff...and then both scream into the night as Aglibol jumps after him. Aglibol!!!!

Aglibol falls after Castiel, hoping they hit the water and far away enough from shallow water and rocks, by the shore. Don't die! Don't die, please!!! He doesn't know if he's praying for Castiel or himself, or both. It's too late to turn back. Aglibol watches Castiel land in the water with a crash, and braces himself as he falls in after him.

Lailah and Jophiel don't know what to do. They run to the edge, but are hesitant in jumping to their deaths. They knew the strength of the moon’s rays and Aglibol were tied, and less harm would come to him when he made contact with the water. Castiel, on the other hand...

Jophiel: Where are they?! I don't see them.

Lailah: There! Lailah points to two bobbing figures in the water. Floating bodies? One seems to be slack, while the other is swimming towards the shore, tugging at the lifeless form. I think they’re...or at least one.....he chokes back a sob. Aglibol has been there for him in the tougest of times. A few hours ago, Aglibol saved Lailah's life. If he died now......Lailah turns to face Jophiel, who is heading towards a hidden path, leading down to the base of the cliff. Lailah hurries to catch up.

When both reach the end of the path, Aglibol is dragging Castiel's body out of the water.

Aglibol: Help me! Please! He's hurt...Lailah and Jophiel help lay Castiel further onto shore, past the rocks and onto a grassy clearing. Castiel lies very still. He seems to glow in the moonlight. Aglibol raises a hand over Castiel's chest, and a light shines from it, brightly in the night. The light dims, but Castiel hasn't moved. Aglibol looks up to Lailah. Help me. Maybe if the three of us...

Lailah: Aglibol, it's no use...I think he's...

Aglibol: He wasn't in the water for long. Maybe if we called other angels and.....Lailah throws his hands up in the air.

Lailah: And what!? Hope they don't chop his vessel into bits and mail the Winchesters his heart, while they're at it? What can we possibly do, Gli?

Aglibol: He didn't deserve this!!!!! He covers his face with his hands. I thought I'd reached him. The last time he tried... Lailah and Jophiel groan in despair.

Jophiel: You mean he's tried to kill himself, before now? The shock of his own words makes him stagger...Tried... They all look at each other sadly. Oh, Castiel. None seem to know what to do with Castiel's dead body. It needed protecting, it needed....The Winchesters. They'll want to be told. Someone should...Jophiel stops when Aglibol glares at him. He starts shouting and both Jophiel and Lailah know better than to argue with him.

Aglibol: Who do think must have drove him to this state, to begin with.?!?!? Dean Winchester is the worst type of human being ever to...

Castiel: (weakly) Dean... Aglibol jumps up, and both Jophiel and Lailah cry out in relief and surprise. Castiel opens his eyes slowly. After a moment, he sits up and looks around, as if lost. He inspects his hands, his arms, touches his face. Then he starts to shake violently, his eyes wide.

Aglibol: (Carefully) Castiel? Wha..Are you alright? How did you...where did...Castiel tries to stand, and falls back to the ground. Jophiel helps him up. Castiel looks at him, confused.

Castiel: Jophiel? What are you doing here? Castiel starts to calm, and the shaking is less severe. Both Lailah and Aglibol move towards Castiel slowly. They don't know that he left his blade at the top of the cliff, and are prepared to steal it out of Castiel's hands, if he were to attempt to kill himself, again.

Lailah: (Trying to sound casual) Hey Castiel! We were about to stop at the nearest bar, for drinks and maybe a little karaoke. Wanna come? Lailah had a waver in his voice, but was doing his best to sound chipper. Jophiel attempts a smile and puts a hand on Castiel's shoulder. Aglibol gets angry.

Aglibol: Castiel. What were you thinking!? Why would you try to...

Castiel: (Weakly) Yes.

Aglibol: What?!

Castiel: Yes, I'll join you. But...I don't feel like singing tonight. If that's alright...Castiel's expression is unreadable. There are tears in his eyes, but the shaking has stopped. The others are tentative, but all agree to go back to their cars and to head to the next off-limits bar they run into. Jophiel and Lailah take the jeep while Castiel and Aglibol take the truck, Aglibol driving.

Both Aglibol and Castiel are quiet, during the drive. When Aglibol tries to talk to Castiel again, he just nods or shakes his head no, in response. Castiel can only think of the last words he heard right before he woke up, alive on the shore.....

The Shadow: Not yet. Not like this...You don't get to die, like this...I haven't forgotten my terms and I know you haven't either. Forget about your pain, forget about your scars, let yourself feel warmth and love and experience bliss, for the first time. Pure, true, real happiness, Castiel. Then, oh I can't wait for you see what I have in store for you. All who die and go to the Empty are to sleep for all eternity...but not you. I’m so looking forward to you. See you soon...

The End..

See ‘The Rupture: Castiel -Part 1′ for previous chapter.

https://honey-bri-books.tumblr.com/post/188575597796/the-rupture-castiel-part-1

See ‘The Barn: Team Castiel’ for next chapter.

https://honey-bri-books.tumblr.com/post/188597719151/the-barn-team-castiel?is_related_post=1

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atiny-piratequeen · 4 years

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Also, I saw that fic ask thing, so imma just..... 3, 4, 12, 16, 17, 21, 24, 26, 37, 43 (i saw that you already answered 44, so i ain’t making you answer it again 😁)

3-Favorite fandom

I guess I'll say kpop as a whole. The more bands I get into, the more amazing fic content I open myself up to. I will say a lot of kpop authors put a lot of thought into their work and I enjoy reading them the most.

4-Favorite Pairing

I mean. *cough* poly pairings usually with the whole band bc im an indecisive bitch/we poly people need more rep in fics *cough*

12-what turns you away the most from a fic?

I don't even touch fics that have non con, underaged people in sexual situations, yandere themes, or revolve around substance abuse. I cannot.

16-how do you feel about character death in a fic?

Angel please, have you met me?

Death isnt something you should shy away from when writing fics, if it fits into the narrative. The raw emotions that come from mourning and grieving sometimes makes for phenomenal character development. For better or worse. So im all for it.

17-any characters you cant stand to see in pain?

Nah, i put my biases through hell, everyone is fair game. It hurts like a bitch, but like...thats angst baby.

21- How and when did you get introduced to smut fics? Any horror stories?

Ahem. Probably much younger than i should've been. But yeet.

As for horror stories. Uh. Yeah. Some people think its cool to not tag things properly and years ago i accidentally read a RVB fic where Donut fucked a warthog's (a car in Halo) stick shift thingy and it was. Not. Pleasant.

24- Do you have any dirty kinks that you're ashamed of?

Hm. Not really? I actually have a list of my kinks and for the life of me, even the more out there ones, i dont see anything here i feel an ounce of shame about *shrug*

Though there's one there that may raise a few brows but like again, none of my kinks are without explicit consent, so even that one, im not ashamed of.

26-any kinks you dont wanna try in real life that are hot in fics?

Nah. If i actually enjoy reading it in my fics, I'd try it at least once.

37- How do you feel about parent!fics? What about mpreg?

Okay so parent fics? *chef kiss* superb! 110/10, i aDORE them!

Mpreg tho? No. Not at all. And there's a good reason. Fanfic writers have been making mpreg fics for literally over a decade and coming up with these convoluted ways as to why a cis man is having a weird butt baby and ive seen a lot, and i mean a LOT of trans people that are downright disgusted by it because a lot of these authors dont...even consider that a trans gentleman can bear a child.

Ofc this varies to the man and his personal preference, but the trans ftm comminity has been very vocal about how mpreg fics (which mostly go hand and hand with A/B/O verse fics, which have plenty more problems to them that arent addressed enough but-) exclude and invalidate trans peoples and while i never really cared for mpreg fics, i especially dont fuck with them after listening to my trans siblings voicing their concerns and frustrations with how so many of them are written

43-Do you like fluff on your own or with conjunction with other elements?

Hmm...normally i like anything i read to have a bit of story to it, angst, fluff, smut, included. But if its a fluff oneshot, i dont mind it being soft and standalone. Gotta have some 100% soft feels from time to time.

#asks #ask game!#mama 🦊

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arsyeong · 5 years

Text

[5] thief | ijb.

o n e / t w o / t h r e e / f o u r / s i x / s e v e n / e i g h t

summary: after leaving yet another note, the recipients come up with a clever plan that could finally get him behind bars. but now, you don’t want that. word count: 2,358

a/n: im so unsure of this uhmm,,,, im sorry if that wasnt a nice twist,,,,

You sit on the side of the little bridge, your feet dangling off it and wetting the tips of your toes.

The tiring days kept you from seeing JB again after he disappeared on you by the beach. Memories from that night kept distracting you from your work and your sleep. You would come up with a question, trash it in the next second then have another one.

Hopefully, winter will give you a chance to confront him about it.

You heave yourself up with a final sigh, hoping your little sitting down moment had given you enough energy to go through the day. When you squint and see the ocean in the distance, you immediately shake your head and turn away, not wanting to be filled with thoughts of Jaebeom again.

"(Y/N)!" calls a gruff voice, shattering the sense of peace you've surrounded yourself with.

You spot Meryll walking toward you, a bright smile on her face, and you decide to meet her in the middle and mirror it. "Good morning, Meryll!" you chirp once you've jogged up to her.

"Good morning, kid!" she greets back, pulling you into a side hug and patting you on the back. "How's work treatin' ya?"

"Battering me up as usual," you say, and both of you laugh.

"Well, that's life," she pats you a final two times, "Let 'em beat you up, but don't ever let 'em kill 'ya."

"I won't," you assure her, and she lets out yet another laugh.

"'Ya better not," she starts again, "or else this town's gonna crumble."

"I don't think that's gonna happen," you chuckle nervously, your face heating up at what your brain took as a compliment.

"Exaggeration, yes; lying, no."

The new voice causes you to jump. You turn in horror, only to be met by a laughing Mark. "You scared me!"

"Obviously." The glare you shoot him lasts only a second before you find yourself smiling with him, also finding your reaction hilarious.

"Where's Iyah?" you ask once you've calmed down. You look behind him, searching for the girl who completed Meryll's farm trio.

"Sleeping," he says, uncrossing his arms to hold you by the shoulders and push you back down from your tiptoes. "It's still quite early, you know."

"But wasn't she always an early bird?"

"I guess she switched with someone today," he says, his voice suddenly low and void of his earlier friendliness.

Something wasn't right. "What do you mean?"

Mark says nothing as he minimizes the distance between you. You step back instinctively, but a hand stops you from doing so. That hand angles you to face away from Meryll and her crops before letting you go to retrieve a piece of paper from Mark's pockets.

"This shouldn't be new to you by now," he says in a hushed voice. You catch him scan your surroundings briefly, then he hands you the note. "The early bird in Iyah seems to have gone to the thief this morning."

I shall act like a harvest king and help myself to your crops tonight, it reads, JB.

"The solution to this is one word," Mark whispers, "Ambush."

Though you physically freeze at the word, your mind runs wild; it was a perfect tactic. There would even be more of you this time. If planned properly, it just might work.

"Two teams," Mark goes on, "One waiting, one hiding."

"Are you sure this isn't just a ruse for you to spend time with Iyah?" you blurt out. His eyes widen at the accusation, and you decide to accompany your words with a smirk.

When he recovers, he narrows his eyes at you but shoots a smirk back. "I never said it would be Iyah and me," he leans in closer to you, an arm slithering around your waist to keep you still, "For all you know, I was thinking about you and me. Alone. At night. Hidden."

His eyes were glimmering with mischief, waiting for your response. "That's a very Bambam thing of you to say," you manage to breathe out.

"I bet you would have been tomato red by now if I was Bambam," he says, "and you would have wholeheartedly agreed if you were going to be hidden and alone at night with him."

"Shut up, Tuan."

He pulls away laughing, "You're cute when you get mad."

You're forced not to retaliate when you hear his name being called from afar. Both of you turn at Iyah's cheerful voice. "Mark, stop flirting with (Y/N)! She has work to do, and so do you."

He releases you from his grip, causing you to stumble back a step. "Sorry," he quips quickly. You smile and nod in acceptance to that, then he moves so his entire body was facing you. "So, will you help us?"

Yanked back to the main topic of your discussion, fear tightens its grip on you once more. As if realizing that as well, Mark is quick to say, "I mean, you have the most experiences with him. You, out of anyone in this town, would probably recognize his strategies and whatnot."

He had meant that innocently, you knew, but it still had you shaken. It was the truth - you knew him the most out of anyone in this town - but it was also the very thing that had been keeping you from agreeing to help immediately. You knew him, and he was still human. He was your friend.

And you didn't want him to end up in jail.

"I'm sorry," you say, voice barely a whisper.

"Work's been that hard, huh?" You give Mark a grateful smile. Though that wasn't the real reason, you were glad he tried to understand.

"I'll ask around if anyone else wants to help," you offer, and he nods.

"Thanks, (Y/N)."

"It's the least I could do," you tell him, beginning your retreat and quickly adding, "Oh! And by tonight, he means some time between 10PM to 1AM."

He nods again, lips pressed to give you one last tight smile before turning away to join Meryll and Iyah with their work. You watch them for a while, letting your guilt of leaving them to wash through you.

Then, you turn and head into your busy day.

Fifteen minutes to midnight, you arrive at Meryll's farm.

"(Y/N)?" a surprised voice calls out, followed by the appearance of Iyah and Bambam. "I thought you weren't coming."

The latter is quick to reach for you when you stagger around, prepared to catch you should you fall. Literally, anyway. "I thought so too."

"You seem tired," Iyah says, heading to your side and placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, "Maybe you should just rest tonight."

"I want to help," you insist, though you were aware of your body signaling otherwise.

"Not in your condition." Bambam's voice was firm and disapproving. With judgmental and concerned eyes, he takes in your obviously exhausted state.

"Bambam's right," Iyah agrees softly, "You can't really help when you're tired as you are. Let him take you ho-"

"NO!" you exclaim, putting an effort to get your point across.

"Why are you so intent on catching this thief?" asks Bambam, whose grip on your forearm was tight, whose worry and confusion was evident in his eyes. "You're already tired from work at day, but you're still pushing yourself for him at night. Please, (Y/N)," his voice cracks as he pleads, tugging you in the direction of your house, "Don't do this. Not tonight. It's unhealthy for you."

"We need to get there before twelve," you say, pulling yourself away from him, "What kind of help would we be if we leave Mark and Meryll to the thief alone?"

"(Y/N)!"

"I'll be okay, Bam," you tell him, accompanying that with a reassuring smile, "Trust me."

"I'm worried about you," he confesses quietly, "What if he uses more intense magic this time?"

There wasn't enough time to fawn over Bambam; JB would be arriving any time soon. You tell Iyah to go ahead before taking your best friend's hand in yours and squeezing it slightly, "We'll be okay. I'll be okay."

With a synchronized nod, the two of you run to the others, hands together.

As you separate into your respective groups, you can't help but doubt your sudden decision. Was coming here the right thing to do? It wasn't like they were going to leave you alone and waiting for him like the past two times. You would also need to aid the catching no matter how much you want him free, or they would be suspicious of you. All in all, if this whole thing goes according to plan, Jaebeom would end up in jail before sunrise tomorrow, and you were to be part of the blame.

But you just couldn't go home when the chance to see him had been served on a silver platter (or a piece of paper, but that's beside the point).

You came here with the hopes they'd be lured away as he did the first time, or that they would all decide to abandon this ambush plan. You selfishly wanted Jaebeom alone, and maybe then would you be able to talk to him about everything. Even when you thought they would stick with Mark's strategy, you would still be able to see him. That would be enough.

You shake your head again, trying to keep the smile off your face as excitement began to stir in you.

"'Ya really should have stayed home, kid," comes Meryll's gruff voice. In the corner of your eye, you could see her shaking her head at you. "Even that thief would think 'yer tired, what with all 'yer shakin'."

Jaebeom would see it, you think to yourself, he knows me well. "I couldn't pass up an opportunity to catch him," is what you say, "The sooner he's in jail, the more winks we all would be able to catch."

"But the longer I'm out of jail, the more winks I could give to you."

Jaebeom seems to have materialized in the scene, and you turn from Meryll to him slowly. That familiar glint of mischief was in his eyes, and the brief grin he gives you is a friendly one.

Meryll faces him, and his smile becomes a sneakier one, a more thief-like one. JB laughs, "I see you were all eager to meet me tonight."

"STOP RIGHT THERE, 'YA THIEF!" Meryll yells. "'YA AIN'T GETTING 'YER HANDS ON MY VEGGIES!"

"Now, now," he breathes soothingly, "we don't want that frown tarnishing your beauty, do we?"

You cough behind Meryll's back, recognizing the compliment, and his eyes dart to you. "Lovely lady, I wish good health for you."

"SHUT 'YER MOUTH!"

Jaebeom's eyes remain on you, waiting for you to say something, and all you can do is wonder where the other team was. Surely, they must have heard the commotion by now?

Confused, you decide to scream, "Please stop stealing!"

"Women worrying about me is always appreciated," he chuckles, and you know he heard the awkwardness in your voice, "But fear not, fair maiden! It's not my time to be caught."

In the next second, both you and Meryll were paralyzed the same way you were during the drink shop encounter. You gasp while Meryll struggles against his spell. "WHAT DID 'YA DO TO US?! LET US GO!"

"It'll wear off soon." For a brief moment, his eyes were apologetic - even quite helpless - but it's gone too fast for you to believe it right away.

"My work is done here," he says as Meryll screams for help. The last you see of him before he turns away is his signature thieving grin and a blank look in his eyes.

"WHERE WERE 'YA WHEN WE NEEDED 'YA?!"

Your group of five were standing in Tuan household, watching as Meryll paced back and forth the small space.

"I told you already," Mark groans, "We thought we saw him, so we ran after him, but it was a trick. We rushed back to you, we caught him leaving, and he used his fire something spell on us."

"'YA SHOULDN'T HAVE FALLEN FOR HIS TRICKERY THEN!"

"I DIDN'T KNOW, OKAY?"

"Please stop fighting," begs Iyah, her hands in a pleading position, "There's nothing we can do. It's over. He escaped, but at least nothing happened to our crops. Let it go."

Mark visibly softens at her words, and he is quick to apologize to her. Meryll remains fuming, though, but it only takes a few seconds for her to glare at her brother before she heads to her room.

"Thank you for coming," Iyah says, turning to you and Bambam, "We didn't catch him, but at least we tried."

"It's late," adds Mark, "Let's all get some rest, shall we?"

After a few mutters of agreement, the two of them head up while you and Bambam head out.

Peace and silence ensue once more in the Tuan's farm. You breathe out and stick your hands in your pockets, the chilly autumn breeze combining with the cold of 2AM.

"Cold, isn't it?" Bambam meets you with a gentle smile on his face. "You know, (Y/N), I've heard of a better way to keep hands warm."

"Really?" you ask, eyebrows raised as you look at him expectantly, "Show me then."

You're vaguely aware you've stopped breathing when he takes a step to you. His plump lips remain grinning as he slowly takes your hand from your pocket and laces it with his.

You're about to make a remark when he puts it in his pocket, pulling you closer to him.

"Bambam," you breathe out, but there weren't any words you could think to follow that. It takes a moment for you to realize that you've also begun to walk.

“I’m going to be blunt about this and get it over with,” he suddenly says, causing you to turn to him with a curious look. Bambam returns your gaze and, on top of the bridge earlier and under the moonlight, you come to a stop.

“I like you, (Y/N).”

p r e v i o u s / n e x t

#jaebum #jaebum scenarios #jaebum thief au #jaebum aus #jaebum fic #harvest moon au #harvest moon ds cute #got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 aus #got7 fic #bambam #bambam scenarios #im so sorry idk what this is

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birdsong-warriors · 5 years

Text

AAAH THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORKS YOU GUYS (and I'm so glad to have therapist approval haha!) , I'll try and write down a few things, but I will say that going in to something like that is highly personal to whatever you need. And while at an amazing place, there were a lot of horror stories from other institutions there, so I think its individual to everyone. That being said, I'll try and share the most helpful things I picked up!!

(I'm gonna tag this as... let's go with "Bird's Psych Adventure" lol so if this isn't your thing, I won't be offended if you filter that tag!!)

First and foremost, look up the locations near you. I had two options. One place had one star on Google Maps, and I had heard many unpleasant things about it, so I took a risk and went with the very new but highly praised place and that ended up being a good choice. They do have rules about these places like controlled release of information and stuff (basically, you can choose I think just one person who they can update your situation to. Anybody you didn't sign an agreement for can't get any info from them about how you're doing!!)

I read this article before going in, and found it helpful on a practical side. ^^

1. SOCIALIZE. I'm not kidding this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. The place I went to would let you hide, especially the first day, but they got a point; festering in your negative emotions will only make things worse. Start small, because it will be hard, but everybody else is in the same boat and there will always be those who have been there longer than you and can tell you the basics and what to do. And it keeps you out of your bad feelings and very distracted. They're gonna take away your phone, so you gotta find other ways to stay entertained haha. Even if its just doing crossword puzzles in crappy crayon in the common room. But whenever you can stay in said common room instead of your room, do it!! It helps you feel less trapped too.

2. Get outside, if you can. We had limited outdoor time, but they let us have sports stuff and I got to play Frisbee with a VERY PATIENT older gentleman who helped me learn to actually throw and not hit someone in the head. XD On a related note, they usually have showers and stuff you can basically use anytime, take advantage of that and take care of yourself. It's kind of the only way you can spoil yourself there, and it feels good to put time into feeling better about yourself. ;u; That being said, they got CRAAAP DEODERANT AND THAT GETS SUPER ANNOYING SO SHOWERS ARE GREAT.

3. Breathing exercises are super crucial to keep calm, and it's easy to get homesick and upset about the situation. But the good thing is it does make you appreciate what you have when you go back in a way you will never reach without the experience. Take the time to self-evaluate and plan for simple stuff you'll do when you go back. I focused on thinking about renovating my room to make it a safer place for myself and sorting through my stuff. And don't plan for other people, plan for you, you're all you can control and while its EXTREMELY HARD to let go of your limited control of others, focus on you and what you need for you. <33 Reach out to those you love, but as someone told me there, have no expectations of what they say, and if they dont say something that's helpful or worse, say something uncalled for, ignore them. Those that matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter. <3

4. They'll put you on meds to help, and you gotta tell them whether they're helping or not. If its making it worse, they want to know so they can help!! And eventually you should find meds that WILL help!

5. I know it doesn't help for everyone, but it helps me to think "five years from now, this hard moment won't matter and I'll be strong enough to move past it". Try not to say "I'm trying..." but "I CAN BE" or even better "I AM" AND GIVE YOURSELF POSITIVE TRAITS. If you deem yourself negative, you'll be negative, you can be better than that, you can be whoever you want and YOU ARE AWESOME AND WORTH IT DANG IT I WILL PERSONALLY FITE U AND TELL U SO DANG IT. <3333

6. The most important lesson I learned was "where did I get these doubts? Could I have learned wrong?" That's not how it was phrased exactly, but basically that you don't deserve these awful doubts and can KICK THEIR BUTT.

7. They should give you a journal, use it to put your feelings out there in a protected way and process them. My biggest stressor was a couple family members are big time triggers of mine and it helped me to write a letter to them that I never gave them because I was able to say "I don't care, I'm gonna work on my own life" but its still a big struggle.

TLDR; these people want to help you, but only you can help yourself. They aren't trying to """fix""" you, they want you to be the best you that you can be. You can do it, believe in yourself and you can get through this!!! I pray you can overcome any struggles you have, I believe in you even if I don't personally know you YOU GUYS ARE ALL AMAZING AND ILU AND I HOPE THIS POST IS AT LEAST VAGUELY HELPFUL IM SORRY IF ITS NOT BCOSHFBCKSBF

#bird's psych adventures #bird rambles #anon Im lookin right atchu i believe in you ten thousand percent i dont even care that i may not know you personally #we can all get through these hard times #RAWR MEANS ILU IN DINOSAUR #RAWRAWRAWR

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botanyshitposts · 6 years

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I wanna get into botany but textbooks and shit are hard to reead fuck I just see walls of words how do I read that shit

ok this actually isn’t the first ask ive gotten about this recently!! textbooks are a severely underrated class of book, but also take a lot of practice and finesse to read at first.

something that i’ve discovered about textbooks- and this is one of those things that i wish someone had told me and i ended up finding out on my own- is that there are two types of textbooks: 1. the books that you have to buy for class to teach you the basics, or 2. compilations of current stuff on a specific topic

a thing ive noticed about being an undergrad/learning the basics is that ur essentially catching up with the rest of the world, and that’s how all the textbooks u gotta spend like $314231 on at the beginning of the year on are written. so the type one books are structured on teaching you things, which means that each chapter is structured in a cumulative lesson that you have to read all the way through, sometimes slugging through pages upon pages of just…..shit, because you need to know whats on page 9 to be able to understand whats on page 32. these books suck ass. theyre essential and very painful but once you get through them you can get to the cool type of textbook, type 2.

type 2 textbooks are a weird thing academia does where they get a shitton of scientists together and have everybody write down the new shit they learned, and then they put it in a big overview book. these are kinda few and far between, but are super cool because due to it being just a giant compilation of individual results put together into one giant stack, if you arent interested in what ur reading you can literally just skip it and go to the next cool passage. nobody gives a shit and nothings building on anything else so if you dont understand one, you might understand another better, and u can skip around in the chapters as you please, which makes it SO much easier to read. the best example of this i own is Carnivorous Plants: Physiology, Ecology, and Evolution, which is the newest non-school textbook i own (published last february) and by far one of my faves even though i just got it (side note- some people have told me that they think its super interesting but are hesitant at the price tag and i would like to clarify that i saw this, it cost me Quite A Few Hours At Work, and because im going into the field, dont own any plants at all right now aside from one (1) fern, and had my birthday very recently i am giving myself CONSIDERABLE leeway on my book budget lmao).

on a similar note: books like this are more expensive because the newer a text is, the more expensive it is because of the demand for new shit. a book 5 years out of date will cost about $20, and a book 10 years out of date will cost $8, and antique books usually cost around $2 lmao. on the flip side, the type 1 botany textbook required for my formal class this semester was bought used for me by my mom for by birthday a few years ago in high school, and cost about $90; books being used by any university for a class immediately jump in price, and books with new editions just released will cost SIGNIFICANTLY less than their counterparts. your best bet in some of these cases is a university library, but i digress lol

as for botany textbooks for class and how to read them- again, start at the beginning of the chapter and slug through, because you gotta build up a knowledge base. if you’re taking a formal class, then lecture will most likely cover what chapters are assigned, so usually with my undergrad ones i listen intently and take notes in class, then supplement with my textbook by reading the parts that i’m confused on. when i need to read a type 1 textbook, i implement the method i used in high school to pass my AP courses: right when class gets out and i’m still in the ‘We Are Focusing Right Now Yes’ mindset, i sit myself down and dont get up until the chapter is read. this is sometimes more effective than other times. In terms of understanding the material, i find it helps if you look for how the concept you’re learning about is applied irl in studies and stuff, because if gives u a handle on it and brings to light what you do and don’t understand. on a more basic study habit level, if you’re like me and have ADHD but aren’t medicated, if i know i have to Focus ™ i take a caffeine pill or drink coffee in the morning and then try not to eat a ton of sugar until after i’m done studying, because it makes me feel frazzled. really, a lot of ‘learning the basics’ textbook reading is sitting down and slogging through it.

in type 2 books, i usually flag the pages that i find interesting with little sticky note flags, because it gives my brain a background task of ‘hhhhh find place to put colorful item yes’.

if you’re experiencing executive dysfunction with the intimidation of reading Big Important Thing: this sounds stupid, but think of it as a long online article. like when you open ur book for ur chapter be like ‘yeah just gonna read this wikipedia page now’. like i’ve learned that when applying an online layout, my brain is like ‘ah yes short and good and will remain focused now’, but when working in a book format- even in an online textbook- my brain immediately goes offline because ‘No!!! Big Stressful Chunk Of Text Gives Me Anxiety. Do Not Like’. i do this while encouraging myself to read regular books, too (*opens horror novel* ‘wow this is a pretty long creepypasta huh’).

#this is so long im sorryyyyyyy #h its like 2am lol #botany education #long post #asks #plont asks #Anonymous

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personagf-moved · 5 years

Text

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs:

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week

h // horror yes or horror no: H O R R O R Y E S B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc.

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that.

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol

u // underwear colour: she be black

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho.

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back. also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

#this is soooo long im so sorry oh my god

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