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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

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Home - Part 12

A few weeks went by with no sign of Jack, Sam hadn't been able to find any trace of him still being in town. It was like he had a fallen off the face of the earth! .... i could only hope that was true!

Things had finally started to settle down, Pepper had called Bucky to tell him Ms Harper had been transferred to another school with a warning, one more wrong step and she would no longer have a career working with children. We were happy with this outcome as it meant she was away from Allie. Allie now had a new teacher, Mr Lang who she loved and said was so funny!

Bucky had sat Chloe down the day after her outburst at the house and told her that she was to show me the same respect as she gave to him, he had told her we were together and that the way she had treated me was unacceptable even if i was ‘just the nanny’! I had only seen her a couple times since and she had been perfectly fine with me but i could tell there was definitely still some jealously there.

I had also met Sam's wife Wanda who was lovely! We got along like a house on fire from the start, much to the amusement of Bucky, Steve and Sam. I was actually meant to be meeting her for coffee with Rosie today after dropping the girls at the school. But i had woken up feeling awful.... i went downstairs to find Bucky and the girls already sitting at the table dressed for the day and having breakfast.

"Morning, you feeling okay? you look a little pale" Bucky asked looking up from his iPad that he was reading the news on.

"I think I'm getting sick, i feel awful" i shook my head avoiding the coffee pot and grabbing a bottle of water and some Advil "my head and my throat hurts and i feel real shaky...."

"Go back to bed doll, i'll take the girls to school"

"What about Rosie?"

"I'll call Steve"

"You cant keep calling Steve, he has work too you know" i laughed and regretted it instantly when it started a coughing fit.

"Go to bed, i'll be up in a minute to check on you".

"Fine, but only because i might actually pass out if i dont lay down" i mumbled before heading back upstairs, i heard my phone start ringing from where it was charging in the kitchen and i soon heard Bucky answer it.

"Hey Wanda...... think you girls are going to have to reschedule. Yeah sorry, Y/N's sick i've just sent her back to bed" was the last thing i heard before falling into Bucky's bed and wrapping the covers around me.

"Doll..... doll I'm just going to drop the girls at school" Bucky was suddenly saying from beside me stroking my hair back from my face.

"Okay.... what about Rosie?"

"Wanda is going to take her for a few hours while i go into the office to deal with a few things. Will you be okay on your own for a while?"

"Yes dad i'll be fine home alone" i rolled my eyes at him which was a huge mistake, the sudden movement had me bolting out of the bed and rushing to the bathroom emptying my stomach in the toilet.

"I think I'm dying Buck" i moaned reaching for the flush as he walked in handing me my bottle of water.

"Your not pregnant are you!?" He suddenly asked making a joke of it but also part of him was serious.

"No Buck I'm not pregnant, I'm on birth control. Im just sick" i said stumbling back to bed "i'll be fine after some more sleep".

"Right, of course you are. I was just messing with you sweetheart" he chuckled before leaning down to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Dont get too close, i dont want you getting sick too"

"I'll be fine" he smiled down at me before finally leaving to take the girls to school.

The next fews days i was a mess! I had been in bed for most of it apart from when Bucky took me to see the doctor. I wasn't getting any better and i wasn't sleeping and he was getting worried about me. The doctor said I had a bad case of flu that had led to a severe throat and chest infection and gave me some strong antibiotics, he had also given me something to help me sleep. I just wanted to feel better already i missed spending time with Bucky and the girls, I had been keeping my distance not wanting them to get sick.

I was laying in bed when i felt a hand slip up my thigh and travel up until an arm was wrapped around my waist, a warm body pressed to my back.... soft kisses placed to my neck making me moan.

"Mmm Bucky I've missed you" i sighed smiling and welcoming his attention.

"I've missed you too baby, but I'm not Bucky" said the too familiar voice, i froze at the sound of Jacks voice in my ear and started to struggle but he just laughed "your mine baby always, i'll get you back soon dont worry!"

"No!!! Bucky??!!!!" I screamed still trying to push Jack away from me, he just looked down at me with a sinister smile spread across his face.

"Hey! Hey sweetheart wake up!"

My eyes shot open to see Steve leaning over shaking me slightly looking concerned. I was sweating and breathing hard as i realised i had been dreaming!

"Steve?"

"Yeah its just me, you okay?"

".... I'm fine" i shook my head feeling stupid "where's Bucky?"

"He just went to get some groceries. Asked me to stay to keep an eye on you while he was gone"

"Oh, okay"

"You wanna talk about it?" Steve offered "you seem pretty shaken"

"I dreamt Jack was here, at first i thought he was Bucky but it wasnt.... it was Jack telling me im his and that he'll have me back soon" i shook my head.

"It was just a dream sweetheart, your safe here"

"I know..... it just felt so real"

"Im here, i'll protect you" he smirked "you wanna come downstairs for a change of scenery? I dont think your contagious, we'd all have it by now if you were"

"Yeah okay, that sounds good actually" i nodded "Buck will probably freak that im not in bed resting still though"

"dont you worry bout him. Come on" Steve smiled easily scooping me up into his arms and carrying me downstairs.

"Steve i can walk you know"

"I know" he shrugged before putting me down on the sofa smiling.

"Such a dork" i rolled my eyes laughing at him "thank you for staying with me Steve".

"Anytime sweetheart".

Steve and I were sat watching a movie when Bucky finally got home.

"Hey baby, you feeling better?" Bucky asked dropping down on the sofa next to me and wrapping me in his arms as he placed a kiss to my temple.

"I still feel awful but Steve thought a change of scenery would do me good, he even insisted on carrying me down here"

Bucky laughed shaking his head at his friend "of course he did".

"Hey, you loved being swept off your feet sweetheart dont deny it"

"I would never!" I gasped and held a hand to my chest dramatically making them both laugh.

"You hungry? I got you some chicken noodle soup" Bucky asked looking down at me as his fingers played with my hair.

"Mmm yes please"

"Okay, I'll be right back".

"Hey Buck, can we go for a walk after I've eaten? I feel like i need some fresh air, think I'm starting to get cabin fever"

"Anything you want doll" he called back.

"It will probably make you feel better getting out the house for a while" Steve smiled over at me "clear your mind"

"Yeah i was thinking the same, i just wanna get back on my feet, the more I'm resting the worst i feel"

"At least your eating more now and keeping food down" Bucky added as he came in with a tray of soup and a bread roll "you had me worried" he said placing the tray on my lap.

"Oh i know, he even asked me if i was pregnant"

"Are you?" Steve asked with wide eyes making me roll my eyes.

"No! Dont worry there's no baby.... I'm just sick" i chuckled shaking my head before turning my attention to my food "mmm smells so good".

"For the record, i wasn't worried that you were pregnant. I was just asking a question"

"Oh okay" i laughed, the look on his face when he had asked me this morning told an entirely different story!

After i had eaten we went for walk around the park and it actually did make me feel a bit better. The evening was spent cuddled up with Bucky and the girls on the sofa which was so nice, id missed this the past couple of days.

I was laying in bed later that night when i felt a hand brush over my thigh and an arm wrap around my waist, a warm body press against my back.... soft kisses placed on my neck.... deja vu hit me like a ton of bricks and i sat up turning quickly to look behind me, Bucky looked at me like i was crazy.

"You okay?"

"Yeah..... yeah I'm fine" i nodded "sorry Buck" i said quickly with sigh of relief.

"Hey what is it?"

"I just had to make sure you were you....."

"Okayyyy.... who else would it be?"

"No one, i just..... i had this dream earlier that kinda freaked me out" i laid back down shaking my head before telling him all about it "Steve woke me up because he heard me shouting for you"

"But it was just a dream babe" Bucky said pulling me back into his arms, his body curling around me protectively from behind.

"I know" i said quickly "it just seemed so real....."

"I got you" he mumbled in my ear as he buried his face against my neck "and for the record, i really wasn't worried that you were pregnant.... i was just asking a question. Id be happy if you were"

"What?...."

"Id be happy. Y/N i love you so much and your already a great mom to my girls.... why wouldn't i be happy to add to our family?"

"Buck.... Thats the first time you've said you love me" i turned in his arms needing to see his face, to look into the eyes that melted my insides every time he looked at me.

"Ive said it so many times in my head doll" he admitted looking kinda embarrassed "i know everything with us has moved quick but its true, i love you"

"I love you too" i smiled pressing a quick kiss to his lips "i'll kiss you better when I'm not sick" i chuckled.

"You kiss me better now woman i dont care" he laughed diving on me and kissing me taking my breath away.

Home taglist:

@jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014 @bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #reader insert #bucky x reader #home #chris evans #steve rogers

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bottomlwjrights · 4 years

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MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 34

Kncncjdk lwj silenced all the juniors at once akdncj

Wwx controlling corpses with just whistling is so sexy of him

God I remember how chilling it was the first time around that the corpses didnt listen to wwx’s command....

Ew thats fucking disgusting, the powder came out of the corpse bodies and they tasted it...

Okay yeah that was actually chilling, wwx thinking lwj is right beside him but when he calls out to him he’s standing several feet away

Have i mentioned that Bichen’s light being able to pierce through the fog is cool? Because thats cool

“Having heard a few clashes of the blades, Wei WuXian’s heart suddenly tightened. He blurted out, ‘Lan Zhan? Are you hurt?!’” Abdnckskad adjak

“Lan WangJi, ‘Of course not.’ Wei WuXian grinned, ‘So it seems!’” asdjadk im dying, i love them

Wwx is so nurturing and caring

He still has lwj’s money pouch

The room full of dolls scared me the first time around, like it was SO creepy

Chapter 35

In the cultivation world, paper mannequins,paper money, and all those things arent really used, so the juniors were really intrigued by them

Of course SiZhui volunteered to help, the sweet boy

Jin-“im not helping im just here to see what you’re doing”-Ling

“What’s not wrong with congee? It’s so watery and tasteless! Wait… I’m not mad because there’s something wrong with congee!” Jl is funny sometimes

“What did you say? I worked for so long, and I don’t even get any?!” So he’s upset that they’re making congee because its gross but then he’s upset that he doesnt get any, this boy...

I still cant believe he stole Zidian, why did he do that again???

I wanna know exactly who decided to do that to the cats, i just wanna talk

Okay im currently confused as to why they were all lead to eachother in Yi city but ill probably find out soon

Poor lan juniors, it probably hurt their mouths “The rest of the boys who had taste their servings nodded in unison, all of their eyes wet with tears.” Same tho

“Out of curiosity, Lan SiZhui picked up the bowl and tried a mouthful. Even as his face flushed red and his eyes teared up, he pursed his lips and refrained from spitting it out, thinking to himself, The taste… is so scary that it almost brings about a sense of deja vu.”

Lwj never eating spice but ordering all spicy dishes for wwx because he knows he likes it makes me feel things

“He didn’t know why but, all of a sudden, he really, really wanted to see Lan WangJi’s face.” My god im ;-;

“Don’t call her a hag. That’s quite rude.” Wwx respects women

Living corpses are the result of people trying to imitate what wwx did with wn but with improper methods (using living people instead of corpses)

Chapter 36

This scene is just as funny the second time around, i love wwx

Jl playing along akfnckd these two could get into mischief together

Awww SiZhui...

Jl really tried to get onto wwx for playing tricks even though he played along but wwx really wasnt having it, “Don’t imitate your uncle’s tone.” Lmao

Wwx will take any opportunity to bestow wisdom upon the juniors

“Braveness is determined at birth. What can you possibly do if you were born a coward?” Ljy really said you can be assigned coward at birth

“I never joke around. I never fool people, either.” Wwx said, yanno, like a liar

Oyzz is sweet and his description of A-Qing was stupid cute

The Summoning of Painted Eyes is so fucking cool, yet another thing wwx invented

God he’s so badass

Goooood this scene is so cool

Out of all the juniors, jl was the only one who wasnt excited/intrigued by the Summoning of Painted Eyes

“The sheath was in the color of bronze, with intricate patterns of frost hollowed out. Through the patterns, the body of the sword shone through as if it was made of silver stars, glistening with snowflake-shaped flecks of luminescence. There was a pure yet bright sense of beauty to it.” Shuanghua sexy 😩

Xy is a good actor and i hate that

“Just as he finished his sentence, the sinister giggles of the mannequin sisters came from outside the door. This time, the laughter was sharper than ever.” God i love the mannequins giggling its just my type of creepy

#mine #Phoenix rereads MDZS #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #lwj #wwx #lsz #ljy #xy

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tanhuceline · 3 years

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i dont even know what to write anymore or if this will help spill anything outside to make "this" less heavier. i guess there's no where else to write this but here where it kinda all started i guess in an odd way. and i know probably no one will reach this and read it they'd be too lazy to get to here and thats why im writing it here or they wouldnt understand the language. its going be out of order but thats okay since im the only one reading this. u know what, im making a list. OH SHITNO.. i just realised what this sounds like and i had a sense of deja vu and i think im not quiet done with something i thought i was done with. i dont even want to admit it to myself so im not going to write it here, buuut even if i hate it its still somehow connected to THIS. im not quite going to say what this tHing is ill call it a concept i guess. because if i called it a feeling it would be more than that and if it were a person it would be much much more than that. lets give this "thing" a name. im going to call it blu as in the colour i guess.

now, lets start i had to grow up too fast be that girl, be mature, be independent this is the most important thing for me and now i find myself asking why , i just want to be weak im the one who always has to take care of myself, pick myself up, love myself more and more and i know thats how its supposed to be but im so tired. the thing that i hate most in this world is vulnerability i would never allow myself to be vulnerable. i couldnt. i dont allow anyone to truly know me and im good at it because no one knows that piece of information about me. acting and lying really aren't that hard especially if u've been doing it a long time and people r fooled easily. i guess the only time i was vulnerable was when it involved around blu. and like i said right now im tired, very tired. why dont i get to be vulnerable i dont want to lie i dont want to be unbothered i dont care about how invincible i look. why dont i get to be weak. i want to be weak i want to be a crybaby i want to be pathetic i want to depend on someone AND UGH I hate at the end of all this no matter how much progress i think i've made one thing involving blu could have so much power over me. i think ill make this into my own special series im not even going to check for typos im going to write when im at my

<3çöküşler<3 and thats alr

bc only i will understand this

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mylovelysanshine · 4 years

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home; choi san ft. jung wooyoung

summary:

"as long as you are happy, as long as she is happy, my heart will be at ease. no matter how hurt it is." in which choi san, who is in love with you, is willing to give up his desire to confess to you for his best friend who has feelings for you. but does he knows what are your true feelings? no.

a love triangle between you, san and wooyoung

g: angst, fluff, romance

w!: cursing of words and thats all ig, please tell me if there's something that triggered you!

a/n: this was requested by @iis4d ! i still remember your request hehe but sorry for taking this so long omg:( i hope you and my fellow atiny readers will like it!!! sorry if there's any errors in this writing,,,,:( but anyways enjoy!:D

for god's sake, san. can you at least becareful?!

oh come on, y/n! i wont die or something!

yes, san! you will die if you arent careful around anjanath!

you're at san's house, looking or mostly judging at how he plays the new game that he just brought from the game store near his house; monster hunter world. you're a fan of that game, truly in love with the series and how beautifully the graphic is but seeing how your best friend plays makes you want to smash your head onto the wall.

damn it! san shouted, flipping his controller when his character fainted for the first time

you facepalmed, massaging your temple while looking at the screen and at him i told you so

san glared at you and you giggled, eyes furrowing as his lips pouting which makes him look so adorable, having the urge to kiss him but you shook the thought off.

as if you have played this game before! he whined

uh yes i do, idiot! im hunter rank 250, okay! do no underestimate me! you said, smacking his arm lightly

it was true that you're a hunter rank 250 while he is just hunter rank 10, he have seen you played the game before and he wanted to try it too. probably because he wants to be on the same level as you so he could play together with you or he wants to play together with you. san couldnt think of things to backfire you over the game that you were good in it so he gave up and crossed his arms in defeat.

you laughed loudly, laughing because of how adorable san is. oh dont be mad~ you cooed, going down from the sofa to the floor, just to hug your best friend. you wrapped your arms and legs around his waist like a koala, placing your chin on his shoulder. is my sannie mad?? you asked, pouting cutely at him. san blushed, his face turning into a tomato. he didnt say anything which makes you truly believed that he was upset.

you frowned i really diㅡ AHHH

then, san headlocks you, making your body fall onto his lap as he messes up your hair with his free hand. being a competitive person you are, your hands went to his neck, trying to choke him. he let go of you, hands going to yours as he tries to break your grip off him which is an opportunity to run from san.

yaa!! y/n!!! you heard him scream as you went upstairs. you stopped for a moment, looking for rooms to hide until your eyes landed on his room, you ran when you heard his footsteps coming closer. you're not a fast runner but you passed your p.e tests last semester which was the day you're actually proud of. too bad san was faster than you when you tried to close and lock his door. both of you were pushing the door, one trying to open while another is trying to close until san pushed the door with his full strength, making you scream in horror as he grabs your arm.

you tried to run, trying to escape from his grip until your feet slipped ㅡdamn these socks ㅡmaking you fall onto the ground along with san. like a typical korean romance drama, the male character is ontop of the female character, staring into eachother's soul as the male got closer, eyes looking at you and to your lips until a knock distrupt your story.

san!!!! open the door!!!! it was wooyoung's voice screaming outside his house. both of you got up, scurried into different places; you in the living room while he takes the door. you were blushing mess, hair in a mess and your heart too

but you're not alone.

san opens the door, revealing wooyoung who was annoyed. what took you so long?! i've been waiting for you for the past five minutes!!

goddamn, woo. its not like you're going to die or somethingㅡ

yes i willㅡ oh! y/n!! wooyoung ran up to you, jumping at you, making you scream at how heavy he is as he hugs you. didnt know you are here! he exclaims, showing a bright smile.

well now you do, woo so can you please get off meㅡ you said, trying to breathe with the male body ontop of you. wooyoung giggled, apologising to you as he gets off before looking at the tv screen. isnt...that monster hunter world?

yeah? and what about it? san asked, sitting down on the floor beside you as you're on the couch. im playing that game too! hunter rank 10, just started playing it though wooyoung replied, turning his head to you how about you, y/n? have you played this game before?

you smiled at him hunter rank 250

wooyoung's eyes widened in surprise, body turning at your direction 250?! damn you crazy!

might be, i guess you shrugged as san continues to play his game

what's your weapon of your choice, san? wooyoung asked out of curiousity, looking at the screen that is currently loading the files of the game

dual blades san replied

and you, y/n?

insect glaive

wooyoung nodded at the information that was given to him thats cool! mine is dual blades too!

you raise your eyebrows really? would love to see the both you play together, probably the best duo with dual blades in this game you said, smiling at him before focusing on the screen, observing how san plays.

wooyoung pouted as he looks at you focusing on the tv instead of him, no ideas to have your attention on him and only him.

having san and wooyoung as your best friends can be a pain in the ass sometimes but having them in your life makes it fun and enjoyable, and you love the both of them equally. as you're walking your way to your classroom, a familiar voice was heard screaming your name. not to mention that you're in the hallway with people walking by.

wooyoung, its early in the morning. why are you screaming?! you hissed in annoyance, redness shown on your face. wooyoung smiled cheekily, giggling a little. i just wanted to say good morning to you~ he said, taking your hand and swinging it side to side. you massaged your temple with your free hand, sighing as you shook your head a little. good morning, woo. you're lucky that i love you you muttered, making wooyoung's eyes beams in happiness

then, the school bell rang, indicating that the first lesson has started. you widened your eyes, remembering that your first lesson is with ms chou, the teacher who is always coming for your ass. wooyoung, i need to go! ms chou will come at me if im late! see you later, bye bye! you said hurridly, releasing your hand from his and started running as if your life is at risk before he could stopped you.

wooyoung watches you from afar, your figure slowly disappearing from his sight. he sighs, shoulders going up and down before shaking his head, starting to walk his way to his class.

you slammed the door opened, seeing some of your classmates sitting on their seats, minding their own business. then your eyes trails to the teacher's desk, not seeing ms chou on present yet before landing your eyes on him. choi san. you took a sharp breathe, your lungs tightened automatically as your heart started to beat very fast. he was reading a book, probably a harry potter book and he looks peaceful, like an angel. unfortunately for your heart, the sun was shining against his skin, the light bouncing off from his skin, making him look ethereal. your head started to get dizzy as your legs dragged you to your table next to him without realising.

y/n? you snapped your eyes from wherever you were looking from to him.

y-yes? you managed to speak, despite having a lump in your throat before sitting down on your seat.

you look pale he said, closing his book shut before focusing on you are you sick?

h-huh before you could continue, he placed the back of his hand onto your forehead, trying to feel any heat. you watched every expressions he made, his eyebrows furrowing as he squinted his eyes with his nose scrunching and his cherry lips pouting. his lips. you have never been wanting to kiss his lips right now, how you want to taste his lips, how you want to claim his lips yours. then you caught his eyes, he's staring at you.

you didnt know why you're being like this after the incident that happened at san's house from a few days ago. you do have a little crush on san before but now, it seems like your crush on him is getting bigger and bigger. you hated it, hated to have feelings on your bestfriend that will most probably reject you.

y/n? san calls your name softly, snapping out from your daydream. you realised that san's face are close to yours, his nose ghosting onto yours but before you two took a step forward, the door slammed open.

sorry kids, ms chou was late!

oh what a deja vu..

after school has ended, you slowly pack your stuffs as your classmates made their way out from the classroom. you sighed, too caught up with the thought of san. before this situations between you and san happen, your other best friend, gahyeon, told you that san likes you but you didnt believe her in one bit despite having a close friendship with her for 3 years. you dont believe the boy that has been with you ever since you were out of your mother's womb would like you, there's alot of thirsty girls eyeing him since young and you bet that there will be or is a girl that would or has caught his eye

and that girl would not be you.

exiting the classroom and the school, you straightaway went to the library, wanting to clear your mind off by writing or probably reading a book or both.

san was making his way back home from school, too caught up with the thought of you. ever since that incident happened at his house, things became awkward between the both of you. how the both of you didnt greet eachother as used to, hugging eachother or any skinship between you two. especially this morning, how the both of you were so close enough to almost kiss eachother but that didnt happen even though he wants it to happen. he shook his head, shaking those thoughts away.

why would you like him? for someone who he thought is not handsome as wooyoung. he thought you would like wooyoung than him, and how he thought that you would choose other guys than him.

wooyoung, on the other hand, was thinking on how to confess his love to you. too stressed on his plan, wooyoung called san through his phone.

hey san? i need your help.

what do you need? san asked, throwing wooyoung a packet of chips before sitting the opposite of where wooyoung sits.

you know yunho is going to throw a huge party this friday, right? and how even everyone in our school is invited, right?

san furrowed his eyebrows, nodding his head a little, confused where wooyoung is going. ...yeah?

well, im going to plan to confess y/n on that day! san stops eating his chips as wooyoung continues but i dont know how to confess to her..

wooyoung pouts, clasping his hands together into a ball help me, san! i cant think of anything...and you know alot about her more than i do!

well that's because im in love with her, woo he thought to himself before giving him a painful smile as he feels his heart drop at the thought of you and wooyoung together instead of him.

i will help

wooyoung's eyes beams in happiness really?!

san tries to keep his smile, nodding his head yes, of course, you're my best friend afterall.

wooyoung then hugs san tightly, showing how appreciative he is to san. thank you, san!

you're welcome, woo he said, trying to control his tears as he hugs him back

as long as you're happy, as long as she is happy, my heart will be at ease. no matter how hurt it is.

friday came by and you are sitting on the bench at the school garden with gahyeon who is playing games on her phone. too caught up reading your book, gahyeon spoke up.

hey, are you ready for tonight's party?

you lowered your book down a little, looking at gahyeon with a confused look.

there's a party tonight?

gahyeon rolled her eyes and face palmed yes, you forgetful idiot. remember yunho? that tall adorable looking puppy guy? he invites the whole school to his party, since his parents are out of town for the whole month.

okay, so? you asked, confused. you rarely go to parties because it drains your energy since there will be alot of people there and you're scared that anything might happened to you if you're drunk since males nowadays are just horny piece of shits who cant keep their dicks in their pants and does not know the meaning of consent. you're glad that gahyeon doesnt go to parties alot, though mostly the parties she goes to is her family business party.

so how about we go? gahyeon beams school has been a pain in the ass ever since the exam schedule came out so how about we go there to release our stress out?

and get drunk? yeah no

oh come on! just this once, y/n! and never again! gahyeon begs, giving you that puppy face that you couldnt resist whenever she wants or do something.

you groaned, closing your book, throwing your head back a little as you know you lost due to her cuteness. i mean, who would ignore gahyeon's adorable face?

..fine

day passed by quickly as you and gahyeon are getting ready for the party. since you dont have alot of fancy dresses to wear, you wore an off shoulder purple lace dress that your mom brought for you for your birthday. its not that tight or short for you and you are grateful for this dress to be yours, your mom has a better understanding of fashion and you than yourself. you look at the reflection of the mirror, looking at gahyeon who is stressing herself on which dress to choose for the party.

goddamn, gahyeon. is it that hard to choose a dress?

gahyeon glared at you yes it is, y/n! if you own alot of clothes, you would feel the sane way as me!

i do and all of them are comfortable and simple so i dont have a hard time choosing unlike you

ugh, whatever! you know what? im just going to choose this dress! she rummaged through her closet and picked out a short sleeveless red dress that have some pretty design but you dont care, you actually care if san is going to the party or not.

god, do you think y/n would come? wooyoung asked loudly as the music in yunho's house was blasting, bouncing up and down as he was nervous.

san chuckles, looking at his friend as he feels his heart stings. he was hoping for you not to come because he doesnt want to see you be with wooyoung but at the same he hopes to see you come, to see wooyoung confessing his love to you and you would accept it and see the both of you happy because you would choose other guys than him and to san, that's the truth.

i dont know, woo but i know she will he said, trying to comfort his friend with his best even if he feels worse.

then, you stepped into the house with your friend and san saw you from afar since both san and wooyoung is at the drinking section which is kinda far from the doorstep, along with people who is covering his sight from you as they are dancing in the area that he is in. but he indeed saw you and well, he's in awe on how beautiful you look and he realised that he's falling deeper in love with you. he swallowed hard, looking away as he closed his eyes. he cant be doing this right now, his friend likes you and he doesnt want to ruin this opportunity for wooyoung but yet, here he is ruining his own opportunity. he opened his eyes, to see if you werent there but you are still there, looking at him back. he took a sharp breathe before nudging wooyoung at the side.

she's here

wooyoung looks around, trying to find you in the crowded area where? where?

she's coming to our way with gahyeon so get ready, lover boy san said, giving him a smirk as both you and gahyeon walked to their direction

san!! wooyoung!! you called, releasing your hand from gahyeon and hug both of the boys as they hug you back. both of you look amazing, i wonder if there's any chicks hitting their shots at the both of you? you asked cheekily

wooyoung laughed, holding your hand nah, they dont caught my eyes like you do

you blushed, laughing a little thank you for the compliment, wooyoung. much appreciated

okay okay! anyways, boys. me and y/n are going to meet our girlfriends so if you could step away please! gahyeon said, cutting off from whatever wooyoung is trying to do. she glares at san we will get back at you later so tata! she continues with full of sass, gahyeon then takes your hand and pulls you away from the both of them.

damn, i was about to ask her to dance with me! i swear gahyeon loves to interrupt my opportunity! wooyoung gritted his teeth, feeling frustrated.

calm down, woo! they just came, let them have fun a little, will you? san said, calming his friend down.

yeah yeah, whatever. im going to find seonghwa for some advice and the rose, see you later with my future girlfriend! wooyoung jokes and pats his back before leaving him alone, finding his older friend.

san stood there alone, looking down on the floor as his heart breaks into pieces.

you sat on the couch with gahyeon, talking with her friends on how males can such be a pain in the ass. too caught up with the conversation, you saw one of her friends look up. you look at the direction she was looking at and you saw wooyoung standing infront of you. the conversation between the eight of you stops and all eyes look at wooyoung instead, confused on why he is here.

woo?

uh, y/n? can i talk to you for a moment? wooyoung asked nervously, looking down.

you looked at gahyeon's friends and gahyeon, who looks a little dark at the sight of wooyoung. you apologised to the seven of them before going up to wooyoung. without saying anything, wooyoung grabs your hand and pull you to wherever he wants you to go.

as gahyeon saw you being pulled by wooyoung, she sighs before standing up, making her friends look at her with confusion written all over their faces.

im going to talk to someone

san was sitting on the staircase, thinking about you as he drinks whatever liquid he was drinking, not caring much about his well being.

choi san he heard gahyeon's voice what the fuck?

what?

what the fuck are you doing, san? arent you supposed to confess to her? and not wooyoung? didnt you told me you like her? gahyeon asked angrily, standing infront of them with her arms crossed. he looks up and all gahyeon saw is sadness in his eyes, she couldnt help but feel pity for him

why? she asked softly

because i want wooyoung to be happy, i want y/n to be happy he confessed as tears builds up in his eyes i know she wont choose me

why? she asked again, but in a harsher tone

because i know, gahyeon. i knoㅡ

gahyeon cut him off, her fist hitting on the railing hard, not caring if it hurts are you some fucking fortune teller or something? do you know if she even likes you? san, you wont know anything if you dont take a step forward! she screams, angry at how stupid san is, how stupid his mindset is.

san didnt react at her ourburst but instead, he just stood up and walk pass her, walking towards the door.

choi san! gahyeon screams in anger as he exited from yunho's house.

what is it, wooyoung? you finally asked after he drags you into a garden, dragging you away from the noisy house. you see him breathing deeply with his shoulders going up and down before looking at you.

i-i like you, y/n he confessed, making your eyes widen in surprise. i really do like you, y/n. ever since i met you through san, i couldnt help but developed a liking towards you and i hope that you will accept me he ends off with a rose in his hands. you look at him, his eyes full of hope and you couldnt help but to think of san. no matter how much you want to stop thinking about him, the thought of san will always comes back and if you were to accept wooyoung's confession, it would be toxic for the both of you as you will still keep thinking about him and not wooyoung. though, you are thankful of him being your best friend but you have never thought of a new level between you and wooyoung. only san. choi san.

san, san, san, sanㅡ

im sorry you gasped for air, being to pressured with wooyoung's confession and the thought of san as tears starting to build up in your eyes. imㅡ im so sorry, wooyoung you apologised as you look at him im sorry

the hope in his eyes has faded as he lowers his hands down. it was quiet for a moment before he speaks up

..why?

san. choi san.

you were trying to find a way to answer but you couldnt, the lump in your throat was getting bigger and giving you a hard time to answer

is it because of san?

you paused, looking down before nodding y-yeah...

wooyoung chuckles sadly what a lucky guy he is. no matter how much i try, you will choose him either way

you look up, giving him an apologetic look but wooyoung gives you a smile. not the normal bright smile he used to give but an encouraging one

go and confess to him, y/n he said

you blinked, confused at what he was talking about.

looking at your confused face, he rolls his eyes and sighs go and confess to san, y/n before giving you the rose he is holding go

b-butㅡ

y/n, you better hurry up before i cry wooyoung said, his tears starting to spill as he pushes you out from the garden into yunho's house and before you could say anything, wooyoung slammed the door infront of you.

you gulped and look at the flower you are holding

confess to san

you breathe in and out, nodding your head and went to find san. you looked around the house, trying to him but instead you saw gahyeon walking to your direction

gahyeon! you called out, running to her where's san?

she looks surprised san? i dont know, why?

you hesitated, trying to find a way to answer her question ....i...im going to confess to him

y-you're going to confess to san?? i thought wooyoung confessedㅡ

can we talk about wooyoung later? i want to find san first you cut her off, desperation was heard in your voice

gahyeon's face softens, giving you an apologetic look as she holds your hand im sorry, love but i dont know where he went...but you know where he always goes to

you gave her a confused look as you try to think hard about the place san would always go and it hit you

the park

san stares at the night sky, seeing the stars shining in the dark as his tears rolls down on his cheeks. he's wondering how's wooyoung's confession goes, did you accept? or did you reject? he wonders if he ever get the chance to confess to you but he knows he doesnㅡ

san! his thoughts were cut off by your voice but he didnt believe that its yours, he thought he was dreaming

san! your voice got nearer and nearer choi san!

he whips his head to the side and saw you, panting really hard with your hair in a mess. he looks down, your hand holding a rose and the other holding your heels

wait, the roseㅡ

ㅡi love you, choi san!

san frozed on his spot, his mind went blank as he heard the words he was hoping to hear from you but he couldnt believe that he is hearing those words from you

you pant heavily, lifting the rose in your hand as you drop your heels

yes, i love you, san. i really do! you repeat your words, in case san wouldnt believe in you or he might be deaf. i love you, san

san lift his hand and point to himself m-me? you love me?? and you nod why, y/n? i thought you would like woo but me? why me? i thougㅡ

his words were cut off by your kiss, you were too fed up with his rambling that you decided to kiss him, to show that you are truly in love with him. in love with san. he automatically kisses you back, his hands cupping your cheeks as he deepens his kiss, finally giving you the love he keeps for you for a long time. you broke the kiss first, trying to breathe and so is he. san looks at you with love in his eyes as he placed his forehead on yours with his hands on your waist. the rose you were holding was no longer in your hands as it falls onto the ground with your heels when you kissed san.

it was silent for a moment, it wasnt any awkward silence but rather a comfortable one. you know.. you started to speak i realised that after wooyoung confessed to me, i didnt feel right.

san raised his eyebrow, urging you to continue

i didnt feel like im at home, you know? i dont feel like me whenever im around him but i do whenever im around you. i realised that i've been loving you hard ever since you protected me from those bullies though i thought it would be a small crush but it wasnt and whats their name again? was it kahi? sarah? whatever.

ㅡyou make me feel at ease when i have a storm in my mind everyday, you were there for me even if i never asked you to and you make me feel im at home when im with you you said, caressing his cheeks as you peck his lips, before looking at him in the eye with full of love.

you are my home, san.

a/n 2: and thats it!!!!!! i kinda like this but at the same time no jshdhsjsjdh also i think i have improved my english alot! but if there are still any errors in this writing, im so sorry! please give feedbacks on how i can improve! thank you!! xoxo

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

and then there was light [3] {Roger Taylor}

Anon asked: Prompt: angst Roger and y/n because he’s jealous after a party

A/N: 5981 words!! What?! Like, it’s not explicit, but I might have given the reader a slight praise kink. Some sexual content. There is mentions of cheating, just to let you know if that makes you uncomfortable. There might be a problem with pacing but like... suspend your disbelief. Also.... you’ve got a big storm coming.

[part 1] [part 2]

Your grip is white-knuckled on the armrest as you felt the plane rumble beneath you; anxiety is clutching at your chest as the world falls away beneath the wings of the machine and you’re rising into the sky. Roger isn’t outright laughing from where he’s sitting next to you, but it looks like he wants to. Thankfully, for his sake, he contains himself, resting a hand on your thigh, rubbing it in a gentle, comforting rhythm.

“You’ll be fine, love, these things hardly ever crash, and if this one does, it’ll make the news, probably.” He shrugged, and you glared at him, trying to push down the anxiety curling in your stomach.

“You’re the single least reassuring person I’ve ever met.” You snapped, but he just grinned wider, his hand moving higher on your thigh, your legs part just a little, out of instinct, and you’re too anxious about the flight to even blush at it.

“I could distract you instead.” He offers, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze. Something eases in your chest and you relax your grip on the armrest to put your hand on his. “Love?” He asks, watching how you’re leaning your head back against the headrest, eyes closed, like you were trying to go to your happy place, wishing you weren’t trapped inside this plane. His hand twitches to move away when he doesn’t get a response, but then your own hand is guiding his a little further up, and you’re wearing a little, playful smile, though it’s strained. Roger has to bite back a laugh.

“Could you please wait until the seat belt sign is off?” John’s voice interrupts both of you, pressing his face into the space between your headrests where he’s sitting behind you, sounding characteristically exasperated.

“Or wait until we land, like any decent human being.” You can hear Brian’s sigh from where he’s sitting beside John, his words followed by a world-weary sigh.

“You were both cuter when you thought we didn’t know.” Freddie says, matter-of-factly, and Paul hums in agreement, the two of them sitting in the two seats in front of you.

“So were you.” Roger snaps back, leaning back into his chair, sullen at the sudden onslaught of bullying from his band-mates. “And get your bloody face away from mine.” He smacks John’s forehead with his free hand, which has the man retreating, but you’re silently thankful. Despite this, you’re also flushing with embarrassment, which is only quelled when Roger flips his hand over on your thigh to lace his fingers with yours, giving your hand a comforting squeeze.

It’s weird, to be in public, well, sort of public, and to be allowed to actually be with Roger. You’ve always been so hyper aware of his image, careful to keep your distance where prying eyes might be lurking, the last-performance kiss notwithstanding, but here, in the relative safety of first class - and god, that was a mind-boggling realisation - he’d wrapped his arm around you. Once the seat-belt sign has been turned off and the in-flight movie has started, he pulls you into his lap on the luxuriously spacious seat. Everyone on the flight has headphones to listen along to the movie, and the plane is almost silent as everyone looks to the overhead screens. It starts innocently enough, except sitting on Roger isn’t exactly comfortable; he’s got one hand resting on your thigh, innocent enough, and the other on the armrest, but you find yourself shifting every few minutes trying to get comfortable, but it isn’t really working.

“Are you right there?” Roger moves your headphones off of one of your ears, speaking low and quiet, only to you. When you look at him, he’s not even looking you in the eyes, he’s looking at your lips, and you feel your chest tighten, though in a very different way to the plane taking off earlier.

“What?” And you shift again, trying in vain to get more comfortable before you feel him hard and pressing against your ass through his pants, and it dawns on you. After a moment, you lock eyes with him, finally, and wiggle again, deliberate, suppressing a smile. He leans in to kiss you, rough, insistent, his hand on your thigh moving dangerously higher.

“Let’s not ruin everyone’s movie,” he breathes as he pulls back, his hand moving to give your ass a light tap, and you take the hint, taking off your headphones and making a beeline for the bathroom. You find yourself waiting for almost five minutes in the stall before there’s a knock at the door and Roger’s whispering your name. You haven’t even fully locked the door before he’s pulling off your shirt, murmuring about how you both had to be quiet, though he was grinning in that way that made you melt, and made you want to be anything but quiet.

When you head back to your seats none of the others comment on it, though they do seem pretty enraptured with the movie. Your anxiety at flying had dissolved; you’re feeling all warm and syrupy in the afterglow, and Roger clicks down the armrest that separates your two seats, and shifts so that you he can still wrap his arm around you, but you’re sitting next to him, your legs stretched out and arching over his. He puts his own headphones back on, smile supremely satisfied, and you give yourself a little, mental pat on the back, but don’t bother with your own headphones, resting your head on his shoulder and falling asleep, feeling secure and safe with his arm around you.

When you land, you find yourself whisked almost directly to the new tour bus, and you suddenly find yourself filled with a new uncertainty. The space, at least compared to what you were used to, was lavish, not a single road case in sight.

“You guys live like this?” You crowed, eyes wide as you raced through the spacious vehicle, plopping yourself down on the cushioned bench beneath the back window while the rest of the band, and the crew travelling in this bus started getting settled in.

“Well yeah, was the other bus really that different?” Roger asks, joining you, sprawling himself out across the seat. The sheer absurdity of his question takes a moment to sink in, but after that you’re laughing, loud and a little bit uncontrollable, mind alight with memories of hot, bump afternoons riding along at the back of the equipment bus, sat atop a road case, holding a light and gels and trying not to touch the drum kit where it was stacked up beside you.

“God, I would have killed for a cushion.” You breathe, wistful, relaxing further, if it were possible, into the seats. After a beat, you look around at where everyone’s gone quiet; Freddie and John were setting up a board game and Brian was lounging on one of the sofas running along the inside of the bus; you’re pretty sure Roger’s the only one who hears you anyways. “I much prefer it to flying though,” you admit, shifting until you can rest your head on Roger’s shoulder.

“Really?” He asked, voice quiet enough that only you could hear it. “I thought it was a pretty decent flight.” And he reaches up to pinch at your side playfully when the bus starts up. The two of you dissolve into play-fighting, which the others don’t pay much attention to, entertaining themselves as the trip to the first destination began.

“You’re- you- they call you Spotlight, don’t they?” The voice that greets you before for the first crew meeting is bright, eager, faintly accented, and when you turn, you see it belongs to a sweet looking boy with big, brown eyes, clutching at a clipboard. Laughing a little awkwardly, you nod, and his whole face brightens at the confirmation. “I’m Robbie; I’m stage managing, and they’ve got me operating the lights.” He sounds so damn excited, it’s a little endearing, and after a beat, he’s peppering you with questions about the American leg of the tour, which you answer with ease.

You’d been worried, not that you’d ever admit it, integrating into a whole new crew; the American tour was staffed with people you’d been working with for years, and here, everything and everyone was new to you. Seeing Robbie smile, so kind and welcoming, it felt like you could breathe.

“How the crew?” Roger asks, and he’s stuck with fond deja vu, sitting behind his drums, watching you cut a whole new set of gels. You’re humming something he can’t quite pick, but you seem happy enough.

“Yeah good,” you concede, only half paying attention as you work, “they’re nice, very welcoming.” You tell him, and he makes his way to you, sitting beside you on the drum risers, picking up some scraps of the gel. After a moment, your hands still, and you watch his, smiling with confusion, before looking at him. “What-” but he’s looking back at you, and he leans in to kiss you once you look up. Putting the gel and the scissors down, you take his face in his hands, giving him an endearing smile.

“I’m working.” You said softly, but he just grinned, leaning in to kiss you again. It’s fun and easy to be with Roger at times like this, times when neither of you had to worry about what other people thought, or who saw you together; you were happy and so was he, and that’s what mattered.

It gets a bit harder, you realise, when in Glasgow you’re leaving the hotel with the band and a few paparazzi come after you; at first they’re shouting at the band but then they spot you where you’re by Roger’s side, trying to keep your face hidden. You see your picture in some gossip rag the next day when Robbie gives it to you with a long suffering and apologetic look.

“The boss wants you to be more careful about being seen.” He’s rolling his eyes at the boss’s words, however, when you ask him what he means, you learn that you’d been photographed with them in America, and people were starting to speculate that you might be part of the tour group. The Boss thinks it reflects poorly. The rest of the band is in the photo, but you’re the one being accused of being a world-travelling gold digger in the article.

When you tell Roger, or more specifically show him the article and make an offhand comment about not really being seen with the band in public anymore, he throws the magazine across the hotel room, scowling.

“They’re printing lies, Spotlight, what do you care?” He asks. You’re gentle when you step towards him, resting your hands on his shoulders.

“I care about my career and my reputation, Roger, you understand, right?” Voice soft, you don’t move until he looks at you, expression a little hurt. “I know I’m not a gold digger, but if I want to get anywhere in life, I need other people to believe that too.” You explained, and he didn’t exactly seem happy about it.

“You’re fantastic at your job, babe, isn’t that enough?” He asked, and you felt yourself flush, suppressing a grin at the praise.

“I wish it was.” You told him, voice a little forlorn, and he leaned in to kiss you, a silent agreement to your request. After a moment you pulled back, actually letting yourself grin. “You think I’m good at my job?” You asked, giggling, and Roger’s expression brightened as he huffed out a laugh.

“You know I do.” And it’s the most gentle you think you’ve ever heard him, the sweet sincerity shifts as his hands come up to rest on your hips. He knows all too well the effect he has on you when he compliments your work. “How many times do I have to tell you?” He asks, a single eyebrow raised, teasing edge to his tone.

“I mean, if you told me too much I think we both know I’d never get anything done.” And your fingers are nimbly undoing his fly. With a cheeky grin, he kisses you again, rougher, biting at your bottom lip before you pull away.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He muses, watching the way you wet your lips, smiling at him. “You’re very good at other things too, love.”

“I know.” You watch him through your lashes, biting your lip to keep from laughing as his whole face lights up and he’s snorting out a laugh at your response, and you fall to your knees, already pulling down the waistband of his jeans.

He doesn’t like that you insist on leaving the hotel at different times, becomes a little clingy in the mornings when you go to get up, but he always manages to tug you back down to him, and you get lost in the way he smiles in the early morning sunlight, the feel of his lips on yours, the way he laughs softly against your skin.

Despite this, he keeps his distance around other people. The band he doesn’t worry about, but he stays up by his drums during lunch, and sometimes during the after parties you attend, he’ll disappear for a few hours at a time, and you find him at the bar, reasonably hammered, surrounded by fans fawning over him. He always goes home with you though, so you try not to feel too jealous.

“Hey, Light? I’m getting lunch, do you want anything?” Things start going downhill the day Robbie pops his head in during your lunch break; you’re at the top of a ladder, fiddling with the angle of a parcan, and Roger’s at his drums.

“No thanks.” You call back, chipper, shooting the ASM a smile, and when he leaves, Roger frowns at you.

“Did he give your nickname a nickname?” He punctuates it with a laugh, but it sounds more angry than anything else.

“That’s Robbie,” your explanation does not seem to placate him. You’d been spending a lot of time with Robbie, the two of you bonding over both having worked on Bowie’s last tour. “He’s German.” You add, as if the fun fact might warm Roger to him.

“I know how to pick accents.” He snapped back at you, and you actually stopped your work to look at him, a little shocked and defensive at his tone. He’s not looking at you, he’s gone back to watching the door.

“He’s the ASM, Rog, chill out, we work together.” You tell him. He doesn’t respond, and all you can do is go back to your work, a squirming discomfort making itself known in your chest.

He disappears after the show that night, not coming to find you after bump out like he usually would, and you try to assume the best; that he’s too high from adrenaline and the endorphins of such a good show that he’d wanted to ride the hype the rest of the band. It wasn’t deliberate, you told yourself.

“You going to the after party?” Robbie asks carefully, hands in his pockets, still wearing his own theatre blacks. You realise you must look a little lost, and when you decide that you are, you tell him, and he offers to walk with him. He’s sweet, excitedly gushing about how he can’t wait for the Munich show so he could see his girlfriend, and you find yourself enthusing about how exciting it is to be travelling around Europe. Once you step foot in the pub, the two of you part ways, Robbie heading for the bar, and you seeking your own boyfriend.

His whole face lights up when he sees you, and the anxiety that had been building in your chest dissipates when he wraps his arms around you, spinning you around.

“I’m sorry, I got caught up.” He told you, but he doesn’t kiss you, just pulls you down to the sofa with him where Freddie’s in the middle of an animated discussion with Brian.

It happens again at the next stop, he leaves you behind and you make your way to the after party talking with Robbie. He’s kind, sweet, looking forward to marrying his high school sweetheart. If you’re being honest, it’s nice to have someone to talk to who understands your side of touring, being another interchangeable face to the talent you’re helping, someone down to earth and . He gushes about how jealous he is of your friendship with the band, starry eyed in the cool night air.

Again, when you arrive at the venue, Roger’s already there, and he doesn’t get up this time, just beckons you to him with a bright smile. It doesn’t ease your discomfort like you hoped his smile would.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask gently one night; the two of you were walking in relative silence, side by side, not touching for fear of paparazzi, you try to justify.

“No, why?” He asked, and you look at him, eyes narrowed as you examine him, and his smile is a little far away when he looks back at you. After a long moment of silence, he takes your hand, pulling you both to a stop, facing each other. He wraps his arms around you, still giving you that far away smile, and he kisses you. “I’m sorry I keep leaving you behind, love.”

“So you’re not mad at me?” You confirm, stepping back and taking his hand, continuing to walk.

“Of course not; should I be?” And the way he says it, so perfectly fucking harmless, has the hairs on the back of your neck standing up.

“No!” You defend, and he’s laughing easily in the moonlight.

It keeps happening, sporadically, and it always seems to coincide with whenever he sees you and Robbie together, or Robbie comes in to offer to get you lunch, and you know what’s happening before you dare to admit it.

On some of the nights where you opt to go straight back to the hotel, you’re woken by him flopping into bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, warm and protective, at odds with the discomfort in your chest.

“Missed you.” He yawns, smelling of alcohol and cigarettes, and one time, of faint, fruity perfume that you don’t recognise. When you ask him, he says that someone spilled a cocktail on him, and you realise you can’t even tell if he’s lying or not.

“You jealous?” And you can hear the sleepy smirk in his words, and your own tired mind is unguarded, unfiltered.

“A little.” You whisper into the silence of the hotel room. He doesn’t answer you, but his grip on you tightens, and he hums, the meaning of which you can’t decipher. It takes you a long while to get to sleep after that.

It comes to a head a few weeks later, however, the night they perform in Paris.

“I miss her so much.” Robbie bemoaned you as the two of you walked together, his arm tucked into yours as he waxed poetic about his now-fiance. “She sent me a care package and I swear I almost cried in front of the sound operator.”

“Why?” You laughed, and Robbie groaned.

“I opened it in the bio box because I picked it up from the front desk on my way here, like right after checking in.” By the time you get to the after party, the music is already blaring, and like always, you split up to go your respective ways. Roger greets you warmly, making room for you on the sofa he was sprawled on, wrapping an arm around you as he continued his conversation with a starry-eyed groupie, who didn’t even acknowledge your presence. You make conversation with John, who’s hovering near the arm of the sofa, bopping along to the music, looking a little bit longingly at the dance floor.

Roger goes to get a drink a little while later, smiling and asking if you’d like anything, and as soon as he’s gone, Robbie, now quite plastered, pours himself into the empty seat.

“I called her- Spotlight, I miss her so much - and she told me she loves me and she can’t wait until I get home; should I walk back to Germany? I wanna see her.” He asked, words blurring together a little from his accent and his inebriated state, and he rests his head on your shoulder.

“This is Robbie; he misses his fiance.” You explain to a confused looking Freddie, who’s expression melts into one of adoration, and he ‘aww’s at that. Robbie is starry-eyed for a long moment, before he turns to you.

“Should I walk to Munich? I miss her.” He reiterates, and you burst out laughing, petting his head fondly.

“No, don’t walk to Munich, you should go home, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.” You tell him, and he groans, clearly not having received the answer he wanted. Instead, you get to your feet and offer him your hand. “I’ll walk you back, we’re staying at the same hotel.”

You find Roger at the bar with one of your arms around Robbie’s shoulders where he’s pretty much legless, the lightweight. There’s a muscle jumping in Roger’s jaw when he sees you, and you hesitate, giving him a confused look.

“Hey, I’m just going to take Robbie back to his room, okay? I’m probably going to bed after.” You tell him. He doesn’t smile, just offers you the drink he got you and blinks slowly when you wave it away. “I’ll see you later, okay?” You ask gently, hoping to get a response from him, but he’s just giving Robbie a sour, calculating look. Robbie is transfixed by the lights behind the bar and does not notice.

When you finally get Robbie into bed, much later than you would have thought since he insisted on stopping at everything that caught his interest, and taking five minutes of standing still and explaining how beautiful his fiance’s eyes were, he’s still wearing his shoes. Once under the covers, he grabs your hands and looks you in the eyes, suddenly serious.

“You’re good. You’re a good sort, Spotlight.” He tells you, his accent coming in just a little thicker with his sincerity, and he pets your hands, before abruptly turning away from you and pulling the blankets up to his nose, clearly tapping out for the night.

The room you shared with Roger was just a few floors up, and you’re in the elevator when you realise you’d left your keys in your room. You usually did, you always went back with Roger, so you usually didn’t need them. When you approach the door, you think you hear murmuring from the other side, but it could have been from across the hall, you don’t think about it too much as you knock. There’s a giggled ‘shhh’ from the other side of the door that’s less easy to play off, but you’re tired enough to think it’s just mostly-asleep Roger. You knock again, but no-one replies. It’s too late to knock too much, and you know he’s a deep sleeper, so with a heavy, tired heart, you make your way down the hall.

“What do you want?” Paul’s frowning at you when he opens the door, wearing his blue pyjamas, squinting at you.

“Keys to the bus please, I need somewhere to sleep, Roger’s not answering.” You tell him, and punctuate it with a yawn. After a beat more of watching you, as if assessing your motives, he disappears back into his room and reappears with the keys.

“Don’t lose them.” He warned, before closing the door on you.

The sofa in the bus is long enough that you can spread out, and you find someone’s fur coat to use as a blanket. It’s comfortable enough, a little cold, and it’s only when you hear a banging on the door and feel the sunlight on your face the next morning that you get up.

Opening the door, you see Roger standing there, looking up at you, waiting for entrance. Moving back to your makeshift bed, you take a seat, giving him a confused smile.

“I... didn’t think you’d actually be here.” He already sounds like he’s in a mood, bitter, but a little bit hesitant.

“Of course I stayed here, I knocked but you didn’t answer- what was up with that?” You asked, punctuating it with a yawn, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. He watched for a moment before he slid his sunglasses down his nose to glare at you over them.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, voice a little hoarse and scratchy, moving from hesitant to just quietly angry, the venom in his words hurting like a physical slap, and you sat up straighter.

“I’m-” And you’re searching for the words, but none come to mind.

“Why are you still on this bus?” He explains in a hiss. After a beat, he slides his glasses back up his nose, and turns to look away from you, a clear dismissal.

You’re at a loss as to how to explain that you’re here because... well, you’re always here, it’s where you were now. He’s the one who’d brought you here.

“What do you mean? You’re the one who wanted me here.” Standing your ground, you don’t dare let your voice betray how confused and hurt you were feeling.

“Yeah, well now I don’t.” He snapped. His words hit you squarely in the chest, and he leaves you in your shocked, dazed silence, moving to the back of the bus. “Fuck off back to the equipment bus, since you prefer it so much better.” He snarled, and that’s what unfroze you.

“Christ, I don’t get paid enough to deal with whatever this is and ride in that bus, so that’s a resounding ‘no thanks’. And more importantly; what the fuck has gotten into you?” Emotion comes crashing back into you, rage tearing through you like a tidal wave, and you turn on him, jaw clenched.

“’Whatever this is’” he snorted, low and bitter, “yeah, but you get paid enough to fuck that little, brown-haired cockhead?” He asked, and your eyes went wide.

“Who? Robbie?” You asked, voice dangerously calm. “You think I’m fucking Robbie? Our assistant stage manager? Who just proposed to his girlfriend at our stop in Munich? That brown-haired cockhead?” You snarled, advancing on Roger like a predator cornering her prey, bitter tension gathering across your skin.

“Was he the one crying on your shoulder last night at the after party?” Roger raised an eyebrow, but the sting had left his words. Narrowing your eyes, you confirm with a single, venomous ‘yes’. “Oh.”

“Is that why you locked me out last night? You thought I was-”

“I was angry, okay?” He cut you off, sitting down at the back of the bus, and though his tone is angry, his demeanour, the way he’s avoiding your gaze and fiddling, it’s... almost guilty. In that moment, it was as if you’d been splashed with cold water, an icy realisation slithering down your spine.

“What does that mean?” Voice level, you try not to jump to conclusions, but your heart is already sinking. He doesn’t answer. When he turns away, you see a hickey on his collar that wasn’t there yesterday. “Roger, what did you do?” You asked, and the hurt was already bleeding through into your words.

“I was... I was so fucking angry.” It’s not a real answer, it’s not even a real excuse. The way he says it, jaw clenched, heart in his throat, he’s all but bleeding guilt, too proud to ask for forgiveness.

“Bullshit.” Your can feel tears welling in your eyes and threatening to spill, but your hands are shaking with anger, hurt, betrayal, and you don’t even care. “You’ve been weird for weeks, you were just looking for the first out you could get.”

“Y/N.” He stands, reaches out to grab your shoulder, but you step back, out of his reach.

“No.” Your voice is firm, but your lip is quivering. “I don’t want you to ever touch me again,” wrapping your arms across your chest, looking at his outstretched hand with disdain through your tears. “Being angry isn’t an excuse. Jumping to conclusions isn’t an excuse. I get that it must be fun fucking around with the girl who makes you work for it by your standards, but,” shaking your head, you sniffle, holding yourself a little tighter with one hand, you wipe away your tears with the other, “the moment you have to work, have to put in a little bit of fucking trust? You couldn’t even do that.”

“Spotlight, please-”

“I’m in fucking Europe for you, Roger! What in your fucking, dumbass mind thinks that I’m someone who travels halfway across the world with someone just to cheat on them?” You’re yelling now, grateful to be alone and worrying that others would join you at any minute. You didn’t want them seeing you like this.

“For me? You’re here for work! I’m opening doors for you in the industry that you’d never have opened yourself!” And he knows even as he’s saying it that it’s the wrong thing to say, but he’s too furious at himself, lashing out at the only person he could. He watches as your expression turns shocked, before shattering, and you start bawling your eyes out, holding your face in your hands. Regret floods through him, but as he steps forwards to comfort you, you yell for him to fuck off.

“I can’t- I can’t leave can I? If I leave the tour, they’ll think the tabloid are right, that I’m some dumb groupie.” And you turn, distraught, and curl up on the sofa along the inside of the bus, still bawling, loud and ugly, great heaving sobs wracking your body as you realise the full extent of what had happened, and what it would mean for you. “You’ve ruined my fucking career.”

“That’s a bit of an overstatement.” He can’t even bring himself to apologise, sitting back against the window of the bus, watching as you curl yourself into a ball, the only sound filling the silence being your sobbing. It hurts, his heart is fucking aching, but he couldn’t admit it. When you raised your head to look at him, your eyes red rimmed and lip trembling, he feels only a white hot guilt fill him from the inside out.

“You don’t get it, this industry is about who you know, and if all I am is some girl who Roger Taylor fucked, flew across the world, and got bored with, it doesn’t matter how good at my job I am, I’ll just be another groupie with aspirations.” And you bury your face in your hands again.

“We could... pretend like nothing happened, until the end of the tour.” He offers, quietly, the weakest hail mary pass you’d ever heard, and you roll your eyes at him.

“I’d rather have my dignity, thanks.” You spat, taking in a deep shaking breath as you finally sat up, wiping fruitlessly at your eyes as tears continued to flow, though you tried to pull yourself together.

“You’re not under contract, you can leave if you want.” And it might literally be last on the list of things you’d wanted to hear at that moment.

“I get it, Roger, you don’t want me around.” You snap, standing. “You are who you are; I was stupid to think you were better than that.” You sniffled. When you turn and leave, he’s silent, replaying your words over and over again in his head until he’s absolutely livid at what he’s done.

When the rest of the band returns almost a full half an hour later, he’s trashed the entirety of the bus, even going to far as to rip up the cushioning on the bench beneath the back window.

“So you’ve heard the news I take it.” Brian looks at the scene before them, voice and demeanour both surprisingly nonchalant, and Roger, breathing heavily amid the carnage, gives him a sharp look. “Spotlight’s heading home, something’s come up with her family.” He explains. Behind him, John’s already started picking up a fractured mug, and Freddie is just frowning at Roger.

“Yeah?” Is all Roger says, snatching up the cushions from where he’d thrown them, and flopping himself onto the back bench, facing away from them all.

“She’s just talking to the production manager if you’d like to say goodbye.” Freddie offers, carefully neutral, and Roger suspects he knows something’s up with the story.

“She doesn’t want to see me.” He huffed sulkily, and the others lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. They can tell it’s a touchy subject but they don’t pry. They don’t hear from you, don’t even know how to contact you if they had been able to, instead they watch Roger pick up different girls night after night, trash hotel rooms, and grow shorter when interacting with the crew, especially the assistant stage manager.

“I am who I am.” Is all he says, lips around a cigarette where he’s chain smoking in the empty theatre at lunch when Freddie finds him and finally asks what’s wrong. Freddie wants to ask what happened, wants to ask why you really left, but he knows Roger well enough to figure most of it out. Roger’s a ticking time bomb nowadays, so he doesn’t pry.

The band doesn’t talk about you, not when paparazzi and reports yell out asking where you are, not to the crew, they barely talk about you to each other, and they never talk about you around Roger.

The bus is quieter now.

Roger’s louder now.

There’s an ache in his chest that won’t go away, that he’s filling with meaningless sex and too much booze because he can’t stand waking up alone, and he still thinks about what you said, and the way you had smiled at him before it all went to shit. He remembers how you’d risked your life for a light beneath his drums, and sometimes at breakfast he finds himself thinking about how you’d thrown a plate of food in his face before you were even real friends, and he wants to yell, to scream, because how could he be so fucking stupid? You’d seen him for who he was, and chose to be with him despite it, you thought he could be better than his reputation, but he’d just managed to prove he wasn’t.

It hits him when he’s got his hands on some girl whose name he doesn’t know that all he can think about is you, and he hates himself when he leans into the fantasy, not that the other girl notices. He’d rather fuck around than admit he’d developed feelings for you, and so he does, and pretends like he doesn’t miss your sleepy, morning grin, or the casual way the two of you would chat as you were rigging the spotlights for the band.

The day he finds out they’ve replaced you, the kid they’ve got is at the top of the ladder during lunch when he walks in, and he’s hit with such a sense of deja vu that he stops in his tracks.

“I was told this is the best time for me to get work done.” Her voice, thank god she sounds nothing like you, is hesitant, with none of the calm confidence you exuded at the top of the ladder.

“It’s none of my fucking business.” Roger snaps, and turns on his heel and leaves, pretending like it hadn’t felt like he’d just seen a ghost. He gets another drink.

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #bohemian rhapsody imagine #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #and then there was light #queen #queen imagine #content #the angry lizard writes

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green-t-ea · 4 years

Text

Calm before the storm pt 2

I'm back again with more SPAU

I have made more soft leviathan and Shadoc cause I need to balance out all the angst

this one needs no warnings other then fluff and comfort feels

He sighed at the bland bricks around the room, he may be a master trap builder but his decorative skills were very weak. There were a few weapons and chargers he had stolen from Doc and a few sheets of music that Solo had given him and Clamour and a painting of a creeper peeking over a dune. Shadoc never said anything about it though so he must have done something right or so horribly wrong.

‘Where is Shadoc?’ He sat up where he was and thought for a moment. Shadoc and him had parted ways in hermanville but it was more of him just leaving the underdeveloped monument to a place he never knew. Shadoc told him all about places on the old server and how the old hermitville had houses reaching to the sky and a plant similar to the one there now, he said the other plant was way bigger and cooler though… Back on track! Whenever he and Shad hung out he would always leave first while his mirror would just continue to sit there as if for the end of time. Thinking on it he didn’t actually know where Shadoc stayed. Puzzler made his infernal home in a sprawling city that seemed to rise from the ground from nowhere with one entrance and an expansive maze built to confuse. Tripwire and Red stayed with him, he was starting to suspect they were his lackeys. Joyfull stayed with joe in small camps. Nobody could miss the volcano the hoarders had made in a day and filled with riches. Clamour lived on a cliff and solo made camps near every residence of more than one shadow.

But he has no clue where to find his… Brother, for all intents and purposes he had no way to find him if something went wrong. With that goth disaster threatening people for loyalty he should really find out where he stayed. Since he never spoke about it he should probably ask him next time he sees him.

…

“Freedom la la la la freedom follow me, Freedom la la la la freedom follow me. Cut it!”

He hummed and air guitared as he walked along the gravel streets of spawn, It had a very open feeling with a few stater homes scattered with a few humble shops. The shopping district was in the distance with a lot more buildings and foot traffic. He and his brother in origin decided to meet up and head to day care. He wasn't fond of daycare at first, it seemed childish with all the blankets and shadows choosing to sleep.

Another reason he was so stunned when shadoc brought a shadow with a pair of chords and one with a guitar, Clamour and Solo. Solo had played don’t mine at night somehow and he couldn't help but run up with him and join cause how could he not? Its a bop. Clamour proved his mettle with one hell of a chorus.

They were good friends of his now and he actually enjoyed spending time at the daycare with Shadoc and them now. The other hated when Clamour was there but they wouldn't have to worry about this time. It was just him and Shad, he needed to ask about his base.

“Heya my clumsy companion.” He swung himself into a curtsy when he created his opposite.

“SHArk- ha hey Levia-nathan” Shadoc looked at him with mirth while he pushed himself off the side of the light shop

“Levia-tha-niel Levia-nathan what's next a Levi-O-Sa joke? Im wounded”

“A what?” Shadoc and I walked down towards a dock that lead to a very small rock and wooden castle with ice creeping up the sides. His mirror always looked at it kinda funny like he had deja vu. He didn't bother to ask he had other questions.

“Hey, Where is your base? I know where most of the season 7 shadows live but i’ve known you better then even all of them and i have no idea where to find you other then running into you?”

He watched for a reaction from the corner of his eye as he clinked down the dock, he did not see the response he was hoping for. No realisation, embarrassment, or goofy smile. Justa deer in the headlights expression that made him want to keel over or shred whatever put such a vulnerable look on his face. But that would be him.

“Uuuuuhhhhhhm hmmm, I-I live s-somewhere?...”

He stops and flips on him and steps in front of him. This is no longer a conversation for daycare. Shadoc stumbles to a stop and his scarred arms twitch as he shifts backwards on one leg and holds his arms slightly in front of himself… He has to be careful about this, or he’ll run. He straightened himself out from his hunch so he looks less predatory and relaxes where he stands across from his mirror.

“Thats bull-shit and we both knew it the moment you said it.” He was worried now… Did.. did he not make a place? Why wouldn't he?

“...”

“Shadoc… It’s alright if you don't want to tell me why but at least tell me you have a place? Even for a shadow not having a safe place can be very risky… Your not normally risky.”

“I- I stay with solo sometimes? O-or joe or cleo”

“Solo lives in a tent.. That works for him because he stay near everyone's bases and joe is constantly exploring and camping out in shacks.. Cloe lives on a goddamn boat! Have you never thought to make your own place for you?’

“I tried once. It didn't go well… I'm no good at building and jigsaw had it out for me at the time. I haven't tried since” Shadoc had calmed down after he saw the worry on his face and realised there was no hostility.

“Rain check. No daycare today we have a place to build”

…

Leaves and vines draped down from rock and moss, a giant maw of a great beast stood forever preserved in stone. Two black wisps skirted around it from all sides to rise and leave material only to slip away again. Piles of lanterns, fences and item frames laid around and sun bounced off the latches of chests and water steaming through the dense woods.

A leaf drifted down onto the stone reptile and a shadow slunk up and brushed it away while setting a lantern into the socket of the skull where a wooden floor could be seen held up like rafters. The other wisp seems sluggish and tired. Like he was missing something.

Leviathan had swept past and asked clamour what would go good with a giant homey stone skull. He had pointed him in the direction of an older shadows house. Russy he thinks he was called? He looked at how the house was built before getting an idea and racing 2d all the way to his base to get material and go back to where Shadoc was clearing space.

The two of them had spent days isolated in the jungle building a skeleton of some sort of dragon and filling it with wooden floors a fireplace coming out one eye and a bedroom full of comfy stuff and carpets in the other eye while down the ribs there was room for storage and a small open bungalow with shelves and beds under one wing that was full of parrots and cats they had tamed while building. Shadoc liked them and he thought the cats were awesome.

“Thanks… I don't think I ever would have done this at all on my own.”

He smiled for next to him was a sun

“Of course, I haven't built anything like this before but it feels right. I care about you too much to let you wander the world with no place to come back to. No home. Ya know?’

“Yeah. I've had a home for a long time though. It just moves and sings obnoxiously a lot. Ya know?’ his mirror smiles brightly with a yawn of a sleepless creature.

...

Another cliff hanger for today. I'll make more soon again and I'll post art of Shadocs new base soon!!

#shadow people au #Hermitcraft #Leviathan #Shadoc #fluff #comfort #mentions of #clamour #solo #docm77 #and russy/rustic house

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b0x · 4 years

Text

only pre 2015 me and crack cocaine have the power to transcend time and space to backhand me across the head like this and dare i say good for them. message to still somewhat sane me: go to uni for neurolgical how that shit go brain dream science instead of art and gaming stop watching game theory and reconnect with your friends idiot stop being a coward stop being afraid and belittling yourself because everyone else did fuck you and fuck them dont waste your life in that better universe like i did in this one ok i read your posts i read all your little About Me heehee memes well guess what youre not just depressed bitch you got every mental illness under the hood AND are an addict now on top! hows that for a zinger! go write emo god complex poetry about it and put yourself down further why dont you GOD i hate you but i dont because its not you it was never you what i really hate is that no one else listened and no one else cared and thats why you ruin every friendship and relationship you make because every waking hour every breath you take is a living reminder that youre not wanted even when you are and its not your fault and its not theirs and you fucked it all up but so did everyone else!!!!! so did everyone fucking else. and that makes you alive! that makea you fucking human. your guilt your shame your regret your anger and pain cos NONE of that would be there in the first place if you werent at your core full of love and endless vision and confidence and charm and DREAM. and in the end IIIiiiiii took that away from you. i fucking did!!!! not the trauma not the abuse not the torment-Me I did. and youknow what NOTHING and NO ONE Ever prepares you For?how to deal with that and how to move on. not even your fucking triple dozens of therapists youve been stuck with since the womb that you practically know them better than your damn fucking nonexistant family. so FUCK. . live. please live. love. live. mend and fix and repeat. for me. for me more than anyone else please for me. and dont forget please for the love of god more than anything else dont ever forget. record and write and put up but dont forget because your memory will completely break and deteriorate in a few months and you wont know why until it hits you years later how much it ruined your most important connections and how much its going to start terrifying you to the point of getting sick that you cant remember things that you can sense Must have happened, until you start believing they never did and were nothing more than vivid dreams or whinding feelings of deja vu. nonones going to understand you so stop trying to make it happen.understanding yourself is enough to keep the people that want to listen to you in. you wont get anywhere without allowing yourself to walk first otherwise. its nice when people notice and come to you by initiative, but remember every single fucking time you couldnt or werent able to either. im about to hit this post button so fucking hard it better knock right into your skull 5 years into the past get ready for it. ps GO OUTSIDE theres still time for you to grow some inches and DONT chicken out on your gender transition appointment because you got that shit IMMEDIATELY by sheer luck and chance and Miracle and im stuck here now waiting two fucking years and ongoing with NO change. THATS what happens when you dont take risks. howthat saying go its easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission that probably doesnt even apply here so just pretend it does and GO

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feel199x · 5 years

Text

gang!au, gang member!han jisung, florist!reader, underground band!au

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist

warnings: angst and themes of abuse and trauma

🌸 a/n: i actually finished this fic, and it’ll be up in my queue to post over the weekend! it’s kind of exciting to be finally finishing this fic! a hint for the next chapter is at the end!! hehe

🌸 song rec: arsonist’s lullaby

Your eyelids were still heavy when you awoke. In front of you, though your eyes still blurry you made out a flower vase. You tried to move, suddenly desperate to feel the petals against your fingertips. Even though they were azaleas, petunias, globe amarths, carrot flowers, and asphodels- all dressed in a void black vase. You knew what it meant, you knew what it threatened. But you found your arms sore, propped up and irritated from the handcuffs that hung from the ceiling. As you looked down, your head getting too heavy for your neck to support, you found yourself surrounded eglantines, lemon and peach blossoms, lungworts, phlox, and red rose petals. You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob, your wrists burning, the metal digging into your skin. You arms stayed propped up, but the numb feeling began to spread through your body. You didn’t even look up as he came in, even as he made sure to slam the door shut.

“You know why you’re in here?” You didn’t answer, your voice all used up from crying. You could feel his fingers on your jaw, propping your face up so you could look straight up at him. You couldn’t make his face out completely, your vision blurred but not fading. There were already bruises there you knew, and he pressed down on them further. “Do you? I try so hard to control myself, and here you are, still acting up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? I should just leave you here, let you learn your lesson.”

His thumb rested against your chin, looking at you intently- what could almost be mistaken as sympathy. It was deja vu, sitting there like a doll. “But I can’t resist you, can I?” No, you guess he couldn’t. That was the funny thing, right? He couldn’t expect to, how could he resist these primal urges? He talked and talked about nothing, and you were glad that you couldn’t pay attention to his words anyway, mind foggy and complacent. “I even brought you flowers. You didn’t have these in your shop, huh? So I got them. I’m a good husband.”

“Husband?”

“Good thing you’re pretty.” He got up, reaching over you and pulled something off your, well, ring finger. “See that? That cost more than your stupid shop.”

Stupid shop.

He slipped it back on, sitting back down next to you as he continued to talk.

“How long,” you paused, voice weak and raspy, quiet, “has it been?”

He seemed surprised by your question, eyebrows digging into his forehead in sudden anger. He got up and paced around the cramped room, not even bothering to watch him as you stared down at your own clothes- crinkled and dirty. “Why do you care?” he seethed, “I could treat you better than he ever could. A low-level drug dealer and a shitty, amateur rapper. Do you see lover boy here? No, you don’t. ‘Cause he’s dead.”

You let out a small gasp, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes and you looked at him. “What did you do?” you weeped, “Please- please, please tell me what you did.” His pacing came to a stop as he looked at you, face contorted with anger. “I got my co-workers to shoot him and friends dead, that’s what I did. Because you’re mine. Always and forever.”

You didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t- he couldn’t exactly be trusted. You grew impulsive, angry with him. Jisung would never, Jisung could never. He wasn’t that type of person- he could never take advantage of people, he could never keep something like that from of you. And here your captor was, smothering ash over Jisung’s name. But you knew he wasn’t lying about shooting Jisung and his friends, even if you didn’t want to believe it. He had tried the same thing with your family back then too. You felt guilty, at fault like you were the one behind the trigger. Anger bubbled like sparkling in your throat like bubbling water, steaming with impulsivity.

“You should kill me too then. I’d rather rot in the ground next to Jisung than spend another second looking at you.”

You knew your goal should’ve been to play the long game, especially after your failed attempt some time ago. How long has it been? You weren’t sure, there weren’t any windows in the room- and the white painted walls burned into your eyes. If you made him angry now, it would only take longer to gain his trust, but the damage was already done- you could feel the blood pouring out of the back of your head. You might’ve been dying, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t even feel the pain from the hit from the adrenaline, so you continued to push your luck. Because it was true, Jisung had kept you going, your shop had kept you going. How would you ever be able to look another flower without seeing his face?

“He loved me better than you ever did and he didn’t even ask me to be his lover yet. Lover boy is better than you even dream about.”

It wasn’t like you to speak out of your turn, especially with the looming threat of death. You were too far gone, the warmth of blood streaming down your back. The bruises on your jaw from your grip deepening in color as his grip tightened, yelling some nonsense.

Still, even as he looked into your eyes, his breath hot on you- all you could think about was Jisung. How could you not? Your mind swam through melancholy memories.

You were in his arms tonight. His arms drooped over your shoulder, his head pressed against yours- lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered commentary about the movie you were watching. You were leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your back. Knees propped up as his legs circled around you.

“I love you,” he murmured, “probably more than like, shrek.”

“I would hope so, shrek doesn’t feed you,” you paused, “But I love you too.”

And it was true, but you were unsure of the extent of your infatuation and devotion he was refering to. You wanted to say you were in love with him, but it was too much of a risk. If you scared him off now, who would come by your flower shop to spend time with you? Who would carry you off your bed during the weekends just to go to the convience store. Who would wrap arms and limbs around you and sing you to sleep at night after nightmares, after remembering? Did it even matter? You’ve never felt like this before, the only thing that came close was your devotion was your flowers. Maybe it should’ve scared you, that suddenly there was someone with so much importace to you, on the same level as the only thing that got through the Incident. You turned your head, the side pressed against Jisung’s chest. His arms moved to wrap around you waist, tightening around you. Your nose was touching his, lips only a breath away- but he was crying.

“Jisung,” you said softly, “Why are you crying? You chose this movie.”

“Do you think people in love will always end up together?”

You laced your hands in his, intertwining the both of them. “Of course,” you whispered, “Love finds a way.”

You thought it would happen then, his lips practically on top of yours- but it didn’t. He turned from you, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down- something caught in his throat. “Even if the person lied?”

“I guess it depends on the ‘sung. As long as it wouldn’t change your perception of the person in a way that hurt the relationship too much, I think they could make it.”

“What if it did? What if the person wasn’t as good as you thought they were?”

“Sung, is something going on? You can talk to me, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t. I can’t. We can’t.”

“Sung,” You cupped his face, making him look at you. You turned around, and his embrace loosened but remained around your waist. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I love you more than my shop. I promise that I always will, no matter the circumstances. You’re a good person, I know that. I promise, I pinky-promise.” You held up your pinky, and he brushed away his tears wrapping his finger around yours.

You don’t remember exactly what he had said before he left, something about a band dropping out of the club he played at. He had gotten a call and gathered his things almost immediately. You offered to go with him, you always wanted to see him live with his fans but he always refused. He said that it wasn’t your scene, and all grimy- it wasn’t somewhere you should be, not a play for someone pure as you. But you didn’t feel pure and insisted that he was the purer of you two. But it didn’t matter, when Jisung’s mind was set, it was set. He kissed your forehead, and before the door close he wrapped his pinky around yours without another word.

And then Jisung disappeared again.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the longest. The days dragged on, the day having to pull and drag the night up into the sky. Even the sky’s star shined dimly, there only because of obligation. Ever since you started making arrangements back home at your mother’s flower store, you never liked roses much. But now you were starting to understand people’s obsession with them. It was an iconic symbol of love, everyone’s go-to, and you supposed there was a good reason for that. Its smell was sickeningly sweet, and the petals like velvet. You started getting letters in the mail. It happened every day. And even though you were flattered, you began to get worried. Worry arising.

After four months, you finally saw Jisung again. He kept somewhat in contact, but he had been busy. There were two months with complete radio silence, and one night you saw news coverage of shots fired in a car chase. You hadn’t put two and two together then, not even as you saw Jisung slightly limp as he moved around your store. You remember being conflicted about asking him, but as he kept telling you about his stories featuring his group members, you got lost.

That’s the night it all happened.

But before that, way before that. Maybe it really was love at first sight.

After the hose incident, you found Jisung lingering around your store until closing time. He had brought sweets every day for two weeks until you invited him back up to your apartment.

“Thank god,” he groaned, “My grandmother said if it didn’t work this time, she was going to interfere. Jokes on her, though, I’ve been stealing sweets forever.”

You laughed, getting bold after closing the shop and tugging at his wrist as you pulled him up the metal spiral stairs. “I would be more worried about Minho,” you teased, “you’d better not be slacking off during practice or he’ll chew you out.”

“Ew, ugh! Don’t remind me.”

“So, um,” you looked down, “What do you want to do?”

“Can I pick a movie?”

He had chosen a romance movie, you could’ve gone to the theater instead, but he insisted that he would pay you back for the fee- and that going to the theater would never be better than streaming at home. You didn’t mind romance movies, they were fun to watch. But during the less tense parts of the movies, you could feel yourself falling asleep and before you knew it your head was on his shoulder. If you were less sleepy, you would’ve freaked out as he pulled you closer is fingers lightly drawing shapes on your hips. You awoke when you felt Jisung’s chest heave and you looked up to see him crying. It was the first time you saw Jisung cry, and it broke your heart.

“Jisung, are you okay? We can change the movie if it’s too much…”

“No! Sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than love. I’m going to have a love like this one day. And I can’t wait. Thinking about makes me cry.”

You were awake now. Eyes glazed over, still heavy with exhaustion and sleep. The blood down your back had dried now, you could feel your hair all bunched together and sticky with the flaky dried and blood. It was throbbing, pulsing almost- the headache was unbearable. How long has it been? How long would it be? You tried moving your legs, a numb static began to make you grow in discomfort. It was for the better though, because otherwise you would’ve felt the rope digging in and around your ankles. It was hard, you had to press your wrists further against the cuffs in order to help yourself. It was awkward, like a baby learning how to walk. It must’ve been hours when you stood there, the feeling finally returning to your legs. Your arms were relieved with the ability to relax, even if they were in an awkward position. They were still strung up, but at least your upper arm could relax.

The flowers in the room had been replaced, but the petals around you were starting to become crisp and brown. Alstroemerias, altheas, arbutus, red and yellow balsams, Japanese rose, jumpers, and kalmias. It made you shiver with disgust and fear. Where was he getting these flowers? Was he going back to your shop?

You collapsed suddenly, your legs caving in on yourself. Your wrists pulled at harshly as your knees hit the floor. Have you eaten? You couldn’t have, how long has it been? Your stomach began to turn, you were hungry, but that was the least of your worries. Was Jisung really dead? What about his friends, Minho, Chan and everyone else? Were they dead too? How were you to expected to live with yourself, knowing you had brought his misfortune on all of them? If they were alive, how could you expect them to forgive you for the mess you had made? You couldn’t, and you would have to live with the guilt of hurting Jisung for the rest of your life. Because you knew it was dangerous, falling in love with someone knowing that it could be turned against you at any moment- but you did anyway. And now you had dug your own grave. Thoughts were growing difficult to form, the space growing through your coherent thoughts. All you could was feel.

How much time has passed? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? All you knew was white. You could see the walls fill in the spots in your vision. It was irrational, but you began to hate the white painted walls. The lack of color was draining you, except for the vase in front of you. You wanted to kick it, destroy it completely- you wanted to move and release everything- every emotion and irrational thought boiling with impulsivity in your head. The only thought going through your head, getting louder and louder, blocking the diminishing number of coherent thoughts.

Jisung is dead.

You cried, even as dehydrated as you were. Your voice was raspy, and you couldn’t even speak words of comfort to yourself. You couldn’t remember, you couldn’t make them out.”It’s…going….to...be...okay.” Maybe it was pathetic but you were the only one you could lean on. You couldn’t hang on to the hope that someone was going to rescue you, especially if the only people you were dead- or angry because of the mess you had caused.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

You looked up, vision spotty and glazed with tears, and nodded desperately. You were mad at yourself for giving in so easily. “You’re pretty like this, “ he cooed, “All broken down and desperate.” He stroked your hair, fingers getting caught in your bloodied hair. “I bet you’re hungry, hm? I’m not going to let you go, so you’re going to have to let me feed you. I’d hate to have to...well, you know.”

You wish you didn’t.

It felt like you were giving in as you ate, the food dry and difficult to swallow. He sat there for a while. The water he made you drink missed your mouth and streamed down your neck. You sat there, helpless, unable to clean yourself. “What a pretty mess,” he murmured, “What a pretty mouth. Just for me.” You hated him, you did. You hated him like forest fire, like the damage of a natural disaster. He disgusted you, he was disgusting- time and time again, he had taken everything that mattered to you. And he won. You felt pathetic, useless. Jisung was dead, dead and gone and you felt like it was all your fault. It made you shake, your heart thumping against your ribcage, begging to get out.

His phone rang, the ringtone burning in your ear. “Yes… I told you...Just get it...Dead.” He must’ve heard you lean against the metal cuffs, because he got up. He smiled, using his thumb to wipe the water off your lips. You were beginning to panic again, maybe it was a small chance that he was talking about Jisung and stray kids, but any chance was big enough to get worried. Before he closed the door, before you could give a second thought: “Help me take..a bath. Please.” Even with your soft, raspy and broken voice, it was enough to get his attention. Words were getting harder to form, it was getting to harder to even think- but you had to warn them, even if you don’t know what the danger was. Because if the call was about them, some of them were alive- and that meant you could clean up some of your mess, or at least make up for it. He ended the call quickly, uncuffing you. You arms immediately dropped, hands slamming against the floor.

“I knew you would come around. But you’d better behave. I don’t care if I have to hurt you to keep you complacent.” You watched as he pulled at your legs, untying the rope that kept your legs together. You struggled to get up, so he opted to carry you, throwing you over his back. It hurt your eyes to be flooded with color as he carried you to the bathroom. The bath ran and you sat in the warm water, he was watching you as he sat on the toilet cover. The feeling was returning to your body as the water in the filling bathtub lapped against you. “Help...me.” You didn’t want him to touch you, you never wanted to feel his fingers brush against your bare skin. You didn’t trust him, and you never would. Especially not after he did, or tried to do with Jisung. But more than anger, you felt guilt. It was overwhelming, contradictory feelings making your head spin even more. You shuddered as you felt the soap against your back.

“I missed you,” he murmured, “I’ve been searching for you for so long, waited for you so long.”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as he continued. “I watched you for months. I wanted to take you and carry you away in the night, but I wanted to make him watch. He needed to know you were mine.” You felt hot water pour over your head, the bathtub becoming decorated in a red tint. “I almost gave up, I thought I had lost you completely. But then I saw you with lover boy. I wanted to kill him right there, I wanted to kill everyone but you. He gave a good fight though, beat the shit out of me. But guess who’s dead and who’s got the love?” He laughed at that, massaging something into your hair and picking at the flecks. You felt your wound burn and you moved to cover it, but he slapped your hand away. “Me. I won. You’re all mine, and if I ever see him again. I’ll kill everyone. I’m the only one who loves, okay? Not Jisung, not anyone else. You’re mine.” You heard him murmur that again and again. “I love you, you’re mine, mine.” You brought your knees to your chest, glad that the water hid the fact that you were crying. He didn’t push you to get up though, at least he was that decent. You watched as the red water swirled down the drain. He left and brought a towel, and your dress was clean and pressed. He sat on the toilet cover again, watching in case you wanted to pull something again.

This time you walked, content with being able to feel your weight shift as you walked. You knew this feeling, what it felt like to be completely devoid of basic powers. He led you back to the room, watching the phone in his back pocket. As you entered the room, you took an interest in the flowers. They were beautiful, despite what they meant. It was the only color in the white void of a room, and it mocked you. Your fingers caressed the petals, and the smell was haunting. Your heart was beating again, and you did your best to keep your face blank.

“Aren’t they nice? I got them just for you. You don’t even know what they mean, do you?

“No...tell me.”

“Nah. It’s a secret just for me.”

He moved to set up your ties again, and you got up, legs wobbling with a slight shake as your grip around the black vase tightened. It was now or never. It didn’t happen in slow motion- you knew that wasn’t possible. But you watched as the vase shattered against the back of his head, falling, bursting into tiny pieces as the flowers fell to his feet and he toppled. You knew there was no way he would be down for long, so you fished the phone out of his pockets. You panicked as you ran around the large house, searching for a room to hide in the meanwhile. His phone was locked, but you saw the screen unlock as you typed in your anniversary. You didn’t know where you were, a random room with various boxes. You slide the closet door open, met with the smell of mothballs but you entered anyway. There was a lot of stuff, and you piled things on top of you as you typed Jisung’s number.

It fell to voicemail, and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Jisung….it’s me….don’t have time, please...he’s send..ing...someone. Be safe..please...I’m in love.... with you. I’m sorry.”

You ended the call, typing in the emergency number.

“What’s your emergency?”

“I’m trapped...abducted.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Okay, stay calm okay? Please stay on the line as long as you can.”

“Can’t..he’s coming. Oh god, I’m as good...as dead.”

“Can you tell me his name please?”

“_____”

“____, as in the gang leader?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to stay on the line okay. Do you remember where you last were?”

“Boseong, my shop...flower shop..mirror.”

You heard the door slam open and the closet door slide open with a large creak.

“Sweetheart? Are you still there? Sweetheart, stay on the line. Is he in the room-?”

“Caught.”

azaleas: fragility

petunias: your prescense soothes me

globe amaranths: immortality, unfading love

carrot flowers: do not refuse me

asphodel in a black vase: death threat

eglatines: i wound to heal

lemon blossom: fidelity in love

peach blossom: i am your captive

lungworts: thou art my life

phlox: our souls are united, unanimity

alstroemerias: devotion

altheas: consumed by love

arbutus: love only for you

red balsams: touch me not, impatient resolve

yellow balsams: impatience

japanese rose: beauty is your only attraction

jumpers: asylum, aid, protection

kalmias: treachery

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz fic #skz han jisung #skz fluff #skz angst #stray kids han #stray kids han jisung #han jisung #han jisung fanfic #han jisung imagine #han jisung imagines

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kronos-the-timelord · 5 years

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do all the things !!!! from the admitting stuff post !!!!!!!! I dare you !!!!

i’ll do it,,, i’m not a weinie >:l

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? - it was one of my parents so no 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? - no 3. Have you taken someones virginity? - ???? idk???4. Is trust a big issue for you? - kind of,, i was raised to always be wary of ppl, but my friends are some of the ppl i trust the most5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? - no but he’s coming back to the states tomorrow!!!6. What are you excited for? - my bf coming back7. What happened tonight? - i ordered pizza and took a nap8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? - no, but i do get really worried for them bc ppl suck and are horrible9. Is confidence cute? - fuck yeah!!10. What is the last beverage you had? - water11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? - i trust more women, but the guys i do trust are mostly family and then like 3-5 friends/boyfriend’s family 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? - i only own skinny jeans13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? - hang out with my boy and his family14. What are you going to spend money on next? - probably a background check,,,, im not explaining it further15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? - it was my puppy,,, so no,,, but i do give him many cuddles16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? - probably,,,, hopefully,,17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? - tbh @memeathon and @keencheckerboard bc i see them a lot and ive known them for a while,, theyve heard and seen some things about me18. The last time you felt broken? - uhhhhhhhh,, not really sure,,,,, my memory is bad 19. Have you had sex today? - nope20. Are you starting to realize anything? - nuhuh21. Are you in a good mood? - yes22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? - fuck yeah, sign me up 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? - yes24. What do you want right this second? - more reeses 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? - i think the fuck not,,,,, no26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? - yes, but i wanna dye it27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? - no,, i gotta giggle,,i can’t just laugh at myself28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? - my giant dog was curled up on the smallest section of the couch so my mom could cuddle him 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? - my boyfriend ;-;,, he goes to school in england so he’s been gone most of the past school year30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? - i think it depends on the second chance,, like anyone besides someone who cheated, rape/molested, abused, ect. i feel like can get a second chance31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? - no :0,, it was my boy!! i love him!!!32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? - yes,,, he’s known for like 3-4 years33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? - kind of,,, i prefer to drink water, but sometimes i just need that bubble34. Listening to? - noises on my street35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? - yes!! i love pencils,, but ive been using marker pens lately36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? - he’s downstairs being cuddled my mom bc he’s a cuddly puppy37. Do you believe in love at first sight? - no,, like its more of attraction at first sight,, i wouldn’t call it love38. Who did you last call? - my mom39. Who was the last person you danced with? - i think it was one of my coworkers actually,,, we get bored sometimes and just jam at work when we’re doing nothing else40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? - he’s a v cute puppy,, he needs to know he’s loved41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? - i was actually about to go eat one,,,,42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? - yes!!!43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? - oh,, yeah,,,, definitely,,,,44. Do you tan in the nude? - i don’t tan45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? - no,, in fact, i would give him more smooches46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? - no47. Who was the last person to call you? - my manager Rachel!!! shes great and i love her48. Do you sing in the shower? - sometimes,, not lately tho49. Do you dance in the car? - no,, sneezing is difficult,, dancing is more so 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? - yes!! it was one of the years i was at girl scout camp!!51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - about a year ago,,, it was for my senior pictures52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - yes, but they’re great!!!53. Is Christmas stressful? - yes and i hate it 54. Ever eat a pierogi? - maybe??? idk55. Favorite type of fruit pie? - apple56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - obstetric nurse!!57. Do you believe in ghosts? - yes,, too many weird things have happened to me and my family to not to 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - yes,, when i was younger i used to get dreams that like, predicted, what was going to happen the next day,, like one that i remember is in 3rd grade is my friend was standing in front of the lockers in a blue shirt (i knew he didnt have one) and the next he came in and showed my his new shirt (blue) that he got after school that matched the lockers59. Take a vitamin daily? - no60. Wear slippers? - sometimes,, but i made them my outside slippers,,, ones that i wear when i dont want to wear actually shoes61. Wear a bath robe? - no, but ive looked at them before,, i want one62. What do you wear to bed? - t-shirt/tank top and either shorts or just my underwear63. First concert? - uhhhh, i think it was one on vacation,, but they were a band that dressed up as the beetles and played their songs64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - ive sold my soul to target65. Nike or Adidas? - adidas (its my bf favorite brand)66. Cheetos Or Fritos? - cheetos67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - sunflower seeds68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? - look what you made me do69. Ever take dance lessons? - i took ballet when i was younger70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - not really,,71. Can you curl your tongue? - yes72. Ever won a spelling bee? - i got 3rd place in the one during second grade that was only for the second graders and v unofficial 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - yes74. What is your favorite book? - the reciever of many series that @kata-chthonia has written,, its really good 10/10 would recommend 75. Do you study better with or without music? - its gotta be instrumentals or i do have a playlist that only has an africa cover my ninja sex party and i listen to that on repeat76. Regularly burn incense? - no,, but i burn many candles77. Ever been in love? - yes78. Who would you like to see in concert? - no one,,, im not the biggest fan of concerts79. What was the last concert you saw? - my highschools band 80. Hot tea or cold tea? - hot tea!!81. Tea or coffee? - tea!!!82. Favorite type of cookie? - chocolate chip83. Can you swim well? - yes,,, not commonly known fact but i wear a size 11 shoe (they’re actually bigger than my boyfriends and i think thats hilarious) so my feet are kinda like flippers84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? - yes, but not for long85. Are you patient? - yes86. DJ or band, at a wedding? - probably a dj bc its cheaper, but a band sounds fun!!!87. Ever won a contest? - yes, but it was a v tiny one on amino that im not part of any more 88. Ever have plastic surgery? - nope and dont want it89. Which are better black or green olives? - black,, but i do like the purple ones90. Opinions on sex before marriage? - im cool with it,, just depends on the ppl91. Best room for a fireplace? - living room92. Do you want to get married? - yeah

#here you go #its about me #yeah

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