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princessofcurses · 3 years

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[2] Struggling Sweetly

Part 1

Pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader & Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader Preface: Part 2. You’re devastated after your darling has cheated on you but an old friend has come to cheer you up. Unfortunately, it's never that easy. content warning: out of character, college AU, infidelity, alcohol, angst, sexy time, size kink, cigarette smoking, toxic relationships, blood, depression Word Count: 6.2k If you like it, please leave a like and/or reblog ♡

The next morning, you woke up with your cheek still squished to Satoru's chest and your leg draped over him. He was asleep and lightly snoring. You marveled at him: his soft and fair skin, his silky and messy hair, and oh god his toned body. The way you felt looking at him right now reminded you of the first time you met him and were captivated by him. It was your first year at Jujutsu High and Satoru was a third year. He was assigned to be your mentor and look out for you, the main reason being that the higher-ups had an eye on you, suspicious of your inexplicable strength. You were meeting in the courtyard and your impression as he walked towards you was that he was a giant; he's well over six feet! As you came to face each other, he had to look down to make eye contact with you which made you pout.

"Wow, Y/N! You're like a foot shorter than me."

The choppy laugh he let out annoyed you a bit and you stood there, staring at him in silence.

"Gojo Satoru. I'll be your mentor and guardian from now on!"

He reached out his hand for you to shake. You took his in yours and firmly gripped it, feeling his calluses and thinking this man works hard. His thumb lightly rubbed over the back of your hand and you quickly retracted yours, putting it back to your side, feeling a bit flustered.

"Gojo-san-"

"Call me Senpai."

You rolled your eyes, adding to your unamused expression while he snickered. You called him by the honorific with a bit of a hiss.

"Senpai, I don't need a guardian. I can take care of myself."

He shook his head and leaned forward to be at eye-level with you, putting his hands on your shoulders. A small vein on your forehead popped out from your irritation because of his patronizing behavior but then you caught a glimpse of his eyes above his pitch-black lenses. You had already known of the Six Eyes but they were even more beautiful and intense in person. They held the sparkling ocean, or maybe it's the sky, and thin clouds passed through them. You turned to ice, feeling mesmerized by him and his presence.

"I'm sure you can but it isn't just cursed spirits you need to be wary of. There are sorcerers that don't have good intentions for you too."

Noticing that you were in a bit of a daze, assumedly from his presence, he chuckled and put his arm around you and began walking.

"Well, don't worry. I'll be the best mentor and guardian. Ora. I'll show you around the campus."

That marked the beginning of a crush that lasted 4 1/2 years. It would've been 5 and maybe longer, but six months ago when you started your second year in college and Satoru started his fourth and last year, you met Sukuna who was in his last year as well.

Your reminiscing was cut short when Satoru began to stir, transitioning from dreaming to awakening. A groggy and throaty noise escaped from his mouth when he outstretched his arms and legs. Slowly opening his empyrean eyes, you perked up when his met yours. He smiled and spoke with a deep and sleepy voice that you found erotic.

"Hm? Have you been waiting for me to wake up?"

"No, no. I woke up not too long ago."

You stammered, not wanting him to know you spent the last several minutes ogling him in his sleep. You both sat up and Satoru began looking for his phone.

"What time is it?"

You unlocked your phone and held it up to his face so he could see the time.

"SHIT! 9 AM!? I was supposed to be in Osaka at 8 for a mission. Yaga's going to kill me."

Satoru hopped out of bed and frantically looked for his clothes, tearing the sheets up and looking under the bed. He found them and hurriedly put them on. You spotted his phone on the floor and picked it up to hand it to him.

"What's the mission?"

"Exorcising curses responsible for the many incomplete domains and missing people in the area."

"Sounds like fun! Can I come?"

"Sorry, sweets. I have to go alone since it's a field assignment for class. I'll be back in a few days. Wait for me?"

He gave you a peck on the cheek and patted the top of your head. You looked puzzled, pondering what he meant by 'wait for me' but before you got the chance to ask or even say goodbye, he had warped away.

Does he want me to wait in my room until he gets back? No, that can't be it. Ugh. I don't get it.

You went back under the covers and stared at the ceiling, sighing as you began to feel lonely. You opened up your contacts list on your phone and scrolled through the names, wondering who you should hit up to hang out with. You winced as you slowly passed by Sukuna's name; you pressed on his contact and was about to hit BLOCK but then an incoming call with his name on it took over your screen. The screen became blurry and your heart began to beat against your chest. Not knowing what to do, you waited there until the call went to voicemail but a few seconds after the ringing had stopped, he was calling again.

Don't answer it. There's nothing important he has to say to you.

Your hand holding your phone was shaking and you gave yourself a pep talk to be strong but you'd be lying if you said you didn't want to talk to him. If you answered, you hoped he would grovel at your feet and beg you for your forgiveness. But then what would you do? What would you want to happen afterward? You rid your head of the hypothetical situation and blocked his number after his second call went to voicemail. He had left one this time.

"Y/N, I know you don't want to talk to me or see me but I'm begging you, please give me a chance to explain. If you're truly done with me, can't we at least talk so I can get closure? Call me back. I love you."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him say he loves you. He had only said it a handful of times when you were still together. You tossed your phone to the other side of the room and brought the covers over your face.

“You love me, but you cheated on me? Why do you need closure, you idiot?”

You huffed in annoyance but then tears were escaping from the corners of your eyes. You grabbed the pillow Satoru used and buried your face in it, holding it to your chest tightly. His lingering scent made you feel a little better but you still sobbed into the pillow until you fell asleep.

The next week, after doing nothing except sleeping and sulking, you decided to go out to the club tonight for a few drinks and music so loud you wouldn't be able to hear your thoughts. You didn't have club attire so you pulled up in black cargo pants, a black tube top, and black platform boots and luckily, it barely made the dress code and the bouncer let you in. As soon as you stepped inside, you felt the stale air from all of the people crowded together. You squished in between some and pushed your way through others to get to the bar. Once you finally made it, you took a seat and ordered a strawberry margarita. Every so often, someone took a seat beside you to try and talk to you but you rebuffed each one with just a wave of your hand without even giving them a glance.

Three margaritas later and you were feeling tipsy, thinking now is a good time for a cigarette. Stepping out of the stuffy club into fresh air, you pulled out a fresh pack and checked your purse and all of your pockets for a lighter, sighing when you didn't have one. You timidly began to ask the people around you but were out of luck because they either didn't have one or they wanted something in return for it. Unsuccessful in your pursuit, you took a seat at one of the tables with your unlit cigarette between your lips. You sighed, your elbow on the table and your hand supporting your head up, using your other one to scroll through your phone.

"Do you need a light?"

You stiffened knowing whose voice it was and you slowly turned your head up to see Sukuna standing before you, a smile with a hint of mal intent on his face. Shaken up and unsure of what to say, he used the pause to take a seat in front of you and he pulled out a lighter. You leaned in and your eyes locked onto each other’s as he lit your cigarette. Seeing your doe eyes ignited something in him and you saw a mischievous glint in his. Feeling uneasy, you closed your eyes and took a deep drag.

So unlucky.

"You're the last person I thought I'd see at the club. And alone too?"

"I was bored and needed to get out of my apartment. That's all."

"You look beautiful tonight."

Caught off guard by his compliment, you bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling, reminding yourself why you two aren't together anymore in the first place. His hand moved towards your face and you flinched a bit, but he gently brushed some strands of your hair behind your ear. You looked down feeling disconcerted, his slight touch sending a chill through you. You inhaled deeply, taking another drag and beginning to feel lightheaded from the alcohol you drank earlier even more.

"Thanks."

That was all you were able to mutter out. You felt awkward and didn't want to say anything at all. The feeling was intensified when Sukuna put his knee between your legs, rubbing it against your thigh. He loved teasing you in public places. He held his hand out over the table for you to grab. You apprehensively took it and he brought your hand close to his face and kissed the back of it. He then set your hand on the table, putting his over yours. You stared at him as blush formed across your cheeks, overwhelmed by his presence. He smirked at your docility.

"You haven't been answering my calls or texts. Did you block me?"

You quietly answered.

"I did."

He shook his head in dissatisfaction.

"That's mean, princess. You don't know how much I've missed you."

He moved his knee farther in between your legs so it was lightly brushing against your cunt. He hummed in amusement when he felt your warmth, the desire in his eyes tempting you. You focused on keeping your cool but you were slowly losing your inhibitions. You hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks and for a little while, you forgot what he looked like. But even in the dim light, you could see his features perfectly: his pink hair and undercut that you loved ruffling, his tattoos that you would trace over with your fingertips, his build under your small hands, and his aura that hypnotizes you. He cheated on you but that doesn't mean a hook-up was out of the question, right? You took a drag and puffed the smoke out, deciding to shift away from him and your rash ideas. You were brought back from your thoughts when a woman approached you two.

"Hi, baby!"

You tensed up hearing the woman speaking sweetly to Sukuna. She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and looked elegant, contrasting the full-on black streetwear you had on. Feeling a tad jealous, you wondered if she was more his type than you were. They exchanged a kiss and you turned your head discreetly and cringed. You had a look of disappointment on your face that changed to a more friendly expression when she greeted you. Sukuna introduced you to each other but your cloudy thoughts didn’t let you catch her name. You tried your best to wear a polite smile though you really wanted to scream in anger or cry in dejection.

"You go ahead inside. I'll be there in a little bit."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then she scurried away, waving goodbye to the both of you. Sukuna then slowly turned to face you and you squinted at him with disgust. Before he got the chance to speak, you stood up to leave.

"I have to go."

"Wait, Y/N. She's no one."

Your thoughts were in a flurry, wondering how he could even say that after they had just kissed in front of you. Feeling disrespected, you scoffed at his absurd statement.

"Looks like I'm interrupting something. You don't have to lie to me anymore. We're done, remember?"

"You're the love of my life, Y/N. I'm only hanging out with her because I'm lonely and I don't have you around."

Tired of his nonsense, you took one last, long drag, finishing the cigarette and blowing the smoke in his face. You dropped the stoge to the floor, extinguishing the flame by rubbing it into the ground with your foot. Your face was hot with fury and intensity lined your voice.

"You missed me so you started seeing someone else? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want anything to do with you. Okay? You cheated on me. You hurt me. You replaced me. We're finished."

You made a sound of disgust and turned your back to him, beginning to walk away. But he stood up after you and roughly caught your wrist, pulling you to his Herculean chest. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating and the warmth he radiated made you want to close the distance between you two but you reminded yourself he was already here with someone. Regardless of what he feels, his actions say something entirely different. You wanted to push him away but he spoke with a harsh tone that stopped you in your tracks.

"No, princess. Don't you know how much that hurts me?"

Sukuna looked down on you, scrutinizing you. He didn't want to get aggressive but he had lost his patience and he hated not getting his way. His dark stare brought a bit of fear to your eyes but you were enticed as well. The energy around him exuded sinful intentions and though your fight or flight response triggered, it exhilarated you more than anything. He leaned over to whisper in your ear, his voice deep and breathy.

"It's cute how defiant you're being but I think what you really want is to be taken for it in the back of my car right now."

His crass words were provoking you into submission. He leaned back and took hold of your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head towards him and wearing a malevolent grin for you. His demeanor made you feel small and he knew it aroused you. He lightly pressed his lips against yours and hummed in contentment as you didn’t resist.

"I missed my little girl."

Stunned by the dominating air around him, you didn't kiss him back but you mindlessly followed him as he led you out of the patio area and to his car, his grip on your wrist still rough.

"Let's make up for lost time."

As you neared the vehicle, your thoughts began to flood. You knew this was a bad idea; your soul willed to reject him but your flesh was weak. You hadn't stopped missing Sukuna since you broke up and you wanted him so badly in this moment. You tried to justify it by telling yourself this was the last time for old time's sake and then you would really be finished with him. Your contemplation then transitioned to a vision of his date and you began to feel guilty, wondering how she would feel if she knew how low Sukuna could get. You almost brushed the thought off thinking Sukuna was yours in the first place but once he was about to open the door for you, Satoru's voice echoed in your head.

"Wait for me?"

Awakening from your stupor, you gasped and snatched your wrist back from Sukuna, Satoru's words finally making sense. You were dismayed at yourself as you almost traded your dignity for a little fling. You exhaled deeply and covered your face, tears collecting in your eyes. Ignoring the heartache in your chest, you steeled your resolve.

"I can't do this. If you really love me, you'd want what's best for me. And you're just not that. Not anymore."

His domineering presence disappeared and a bit of desperation was laced in his voice as he realized that you were no longer under his spell.

"Princess, please. I’ll do anything to atone."

"Save it for your next love."

You said it sharply but your chest ached as if you had just stabbed yourself with your own words. Tears ran down your face as you gave him a parting hug, cherishing for a few seconds the comfort you felt in his arms. You fit perfectly with him, his embrace on you snug yet tight and his chin resting on the top of your head. Not able to handle another second with him without sobbing, you teleported away. Sukuna stood there speechless, your warmth had left him and the rejection defeated him.

Once Satoru came back from his mission, he took you out to eat. He sat across from you at the maid cafe he suggested you both go to, though he insisted it wasn't because of the outfits, rather it was because of their delicious desserts. He ordered a crepe filled with strawberries and bananas, topped with chocolate sauce and powdered sugar, and strawberry and vanilla ice cream on the side. Your eyes grew in size at the sickly sugary and loaded confection and your sweet tooth ached for it.

"Why couldn't you have gotten me my own crepe?"

"I got the biggest size so we could share! You wouldn't have been able to finish one on your own anyway, sweets."

You shrugged and quieted your protests. Eating a spoonful of the sweet course, you closed your eyes and hummed in delight. Satoru smiled warmly watching you eat and then followed suit.

"How was the mission?"

“A cakewalk. I thought it’d be a little challenging because of the volume of incomplete domains but a first-grade sorcerer would’ve been sufficient. What’d you do while I was gone?”

You were in awe at his coolness and confidence he effortlessly exuded. But at his question, you let out a long exhale and rested your chin on your knuckles.

“I went to a club and saw Sukuna with a girl. She called him baby and they kissed right in front of me."

"Ouch."

He made a straight face and pursed his lips. You were apprehensive to tell him what happened next, but you weren’t one to lie or keep things from others. You sighed again, anxiously moving fruit around the plate with your fork.

"Worst of all, he tried to seduce me and it almost worked."

He leaned forward in interest, raising his eyebrow and looking at you intently. You nervously met his gaze, unsure of what he thought about the situation.

"Almost?"

"My mind was all over the place debating whether I should or not but I decided not to because I remembered you telling me to wait for you."

He chuckled haughtily and patted you on the head endearingly. You winced at his reaction, his unpredictability confusing you as usual.

"I said wait for me? I meant that I'd be back soon. I'm flattered you thought I didn't want you having sex with anyone else. Though that isn't my decision to make, is it?"

Your palm met your forehead, feeling a little foolish at your misinterpretation of his words. Though you couldn’t be sure that that was what he really meant. Regardless, you didn't want to seem desperate for him.

"Well, whatever. Hooking up with him would've been a mistake."

He nodded, taking a spoonful of crepe, fruit, and ice cream and holding it up to your mouth to feed you. You gladly accepted it, looking up at him and making eye contact as your lips slipped off of the spoon. He returned your lusty stare, telling you that he knew what was on your mind.

"Is this… a date?"

You innocently asked him, not wanting to get the wrong idea of his company.

"Yeah, it is."

You were surprised at the seriousness of his tone. Usually, he teased you by skirting around these kinds of questions.

"And I want to ask you out on another date tonight. Suguru is throwing a party! Everyone will be there. Let's go together."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, but you should go without me. I'm assuming 'everyone' includes Sukuna too."

A look of disapproval was shown on your face at his proposition and he pouted, voicing his objection.

"He might be there but what does it matter? Are you scared of him?"

You sighed in exasperation, knowing this was a bad idea. But you had already stood up to him twice now. Surely you could do it again if a confrontation happened. Though you would prefer not to put yourself in a situation like that at all, you didn’t want his mere presence to influence your actions. You pushed the plate of dessert towards Satoru to signal you were full and done eating. He happily ate the rest. You conceded to him.

"Fine."

"Yay! I'll pick you up at 9 then."

Later that night, Satoru arrived at your apartment an hour behind schedule. You were laying on your bed, hanging off the edge of it upside down when he walked in. He was wearing a fitted white dress shirt that you could easily see his muscular figure in and he had the first couple of buttons undone. Your eyes widened at his attractive appearance and you felt completely underdressed in your colorful shirt, baggy corduroy pants, and platform converse.

"Oh. It's that kind of party?"

His eyes lowered at your outfit and he frowned.

"I had a feeling you didn't have the right clothes for the occasion so I bought you something."

He handed you a black mini dress with spaghetti straps for you to wear. You took it and examined it, trying to decide if you liked it or not.

"You didn’t need to do that. It's not really something I'd buy for myself."

"At least try it on. Please? You can wear your platform boots with them."

You compromised and asked him to look away while you changed but he pretended not to hear you.

"Oh and Y/N? Don't wear a bra."

Your eyebrows scrunched and you pouted at him but you undressed down to your panties anyway. Satoru was obviously checking you out and you saw him lick his lips from the corner of your eye. He scanned you up and down, taking a bit more time viewing your breasts and ass that your panties couldn’t fully cover. You slipped on the dress and it fit a little too well, accentuating your curves and falling right at mid-thigh. After putting your platforms on, you looked at yourself in the mirror, content that you had at least one piece of clothing you were comfortable in.

Satoru came up behind you and hugged you, admiring your figure in the garment he had purchased just for you. His hands trailed the curve of your waist to your hips slowly while he pressed his lips against your ear, lightly licking your earlobe.

"You look delicious, sweets."

Taking one last look at yourself in the dress, and in his arms, you closed your eyes in satisfaction, your heart fluttering. He then grabbed your hand and led you out of the apartment to his car. After putting the key in the ignition, he drove fast, speeding recklessly towards Suguru’s residence. His driving unsettled you, but you were comforted when his hand moved to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. The drive was short and once you got there, you were on edge knowing Sukuna would see you tonight and would undoubtedly approach you. Your thoughts were interrupted when Satoru opened the car door for you and put his hand out for you to grab.

"You're welcome for the dress, by the way."

You turned your head and made a ‘hmph’ sound but then you batted your eyelashes at him and blushed, taking his hand and following his lead. Once you were inside and in view of your friends, you and Satoru unclasped hands, in silent agreement that you didn't want them to think anything was going on between you two yet.

"Fashionably late as usual. And Y/N! We haven't seen you in forever."

Suguru said as he lightly shoved Satoru. Suguru then embraced you tightly, picking you up and twirling you around. You yelped and Shoko came to your rescue, picking you out of his arms and giving you a tight hug as well. They both became straight-faced and asked how you were doing after the breakup. You chuckled nervously, putting your hand behind your head.

"I'm doing fine. Is Sukuna here already?"

"I haven't seen him yet. But wow! I've never seen you in a dress before. You look great."

Shoko nodded in agreement but then snickered after she surveyed you in the dress.

"Is it cold in here?"

Pointing to your nipples that were poking through your garment. Satoru and Suguru’s eyes fell to your chest and they both grinned. You instantly reddened and put your head down, calling them out.

"Stop looking!"

The three of them laughed endearingly while you crossed your arms over your chest to cover it. Shoko pulled you to the side while Suguru and Satoru began conversing with each other about their last missions.

"Seriously, Y/N. Are you okay? I heard Sukuna cheated on you and he's been seeing someone else already."

You sighed, a bit upset that your business was probably known by everyone by now.

"I saw them together at the club last week. It was terrible. Sukuna came with her but we almost hooked up in the back of his car while she was at the bar."

Shoko grimaced at the awkward situation. She put her arm around you to comfort you and you leaned into her.

"I just wanted to warn you that he'll probably show up with her tonight. And what about Satoru? You two are hanging out again?"

"Yeah, I'm slowly trying to reconnect with everyone I disappeared on when I started dating Sukuna."

She smiled knowing she'd be seeing you more often. Satoru and Suguru argued about who knows what but they resolved it quickly and rejoined your conversation.

"Well, you two should go grab a drink! Let's catch up later."

Suguru nudged you both in the direction of the alcohol. They had almost every kind but the only hard liquor you could keep down was tequila. Satoru knew that and had already poured you a shot.

"I'm only having a couple of drinks since I'm driving. I'll take care of you though."

"I can handle my alcohol, thank you very much."

You both said cheers and clinked shot cups. Downing the bitter drink, you made a face of disgust, wanting to cough it up. He then skillfully made two margaritas for both of you to sip on. You chugged it instead and Satoru furrowed his eyebrows at you, thinking he would definitely need to look out for you tonight despite your earlier protest.

"Do you wanna dance?"

You nodded and he led you into the dark room only dimly lit by red LED lights on the ceiling though you could see his intense eyes holding the heavens clearly. The faint light made the atmosphere erotic. He pulled you closer to him, his hand on the small of your back, and you awkwardly did a two-step dance. The unsynchronized movement didn’t fit with the music so he turned you around so your ass was on his crotch. He had to bend his knees a considerable amount because of your height difference. Regardless, he held you close and led your hips to grind on him. The slow swaying and the tequila setting in made you rid yourself of whatever awkwardness that was left.

"This dress looks a little too good on you."

He whispered in your ear as he began to get more frisky, one of his hands cupping your breast while the other crossed over your torso and rested on your hip. He held you close to him tightly, leaving no room between you two and wanting to get even closer. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, lightly kissing down it. You shivered a bit under his touch, sighing in gratification. Your hand found the nape of his neck and you held onto it, giving in to your lust as you felt his erection forming.

"Let's go somewhere else."

Grabbing your wrist, he eagerly led you out into the hallway where he pushed you against the wall, caging you between his arms. He kissed you feverishly, his lips smacking against yours and his tongue finding its way into your mouth where he brushed along your wet muscle. He lightly bit your bottom lip and you let out a soft moan, your body feeling loose and ready for more. Your hand trailed down his torso and over his groin, where you lightly grabbed his hard cock. He was a bit startled but then he smiled, kissing into you even more roughly, his hands cupping your face. You pulled away from his lips to lean over and whisper in his ear.

"Can we get out of here? I want you."

Your doe eyes and sweet voice feigning innocence made him drag you out of the house with a quickness.

As soon as you got outside, he gave you another impassioned kiss and grabbed your ass with both of his hands. You two were about to head over to Satoru's car when you heard a thunderous voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Satoru?"

Sukuna stomped his way over to you two and placed his hand on Satoru's shoulder. Satoru made a sound of disgust and brushed his hand off, turning to face him. He leaned over to look at the woman standing beside Sukuna and he scoffed.

"Aren't you going to introduce us to your new girlfriend, Sukuna?"

Satoru spoke his name with a hiss and had the smuggest smile on his face seeing Sukuna seething with anger.

"She's not my girlfriend and what the fuck are you doing with Y/N? You're always getting your hands on my sloppy seconds."

You and Sukuna's date both winced at different parts of his harsh comments. This was probably the worst-case scenario.

"Don't be so full of yourself. Not a fan of your type, besides Y/N of course. And how could you cheat on the sweet girl? Let me guess, is it because you couldn't have the fucked up sex you want with her?"

The girl’s eyes widened, realizing Sukuna had cheated on you with her. You cringed at Satoru’s unintentional insult towards her, seeing how hurt and confused she was already. Your eyebrow raised at Satoru's comment and you inserted yourself into the conversation.

"What are you talking about, Satoru?"

Sukuna crossed his arms and shook his head. Satoru chuckled arrogantly and looked at you with darkened eyes.

"Why don't you tell her why you cheated, Suku?"

He mockingly called Sukuna by the nickname you had given to him. Sukuna sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb in frustration. He didn’t want you to find out like this but he was caught and couldn’t lie anymore.

"I have some kinks I didn't think you'd be into. I got drunk and couldn't control myself when I met someone with similar quirks."

Sukuna spoke as if his date wasn't even there. She glanced at you with embarrassment and dipped her head down so none of us could see her face. You huffed in disbelief and you shot him a dirty look, glaring at him.

"That's why you cheated on me? You didn't trust me enough to tell me what you desired? You didn't even give me a chance to decide whether I did or not?"

"Y/N, what are you even doing with Satoru? Was looking like a pathetic puppy following him around for years not enough indication of how he feels about you? How hopeless everyone thought you were until you started dating me?"

He deflected your questions and you balled your fists in anger, feeling like you were close to your boiling point and about to explode.

"Pathetic, huh?"

"Yes, pathetic. Running back to Satoru as soon as we're over? You don't think it's odd he went after you as soon as he found out we broke up?"

You slapped Sukuna straight across his face, his head turning and your eyes glowing red at him with rage. Your cursed energy changed the air around you hostilely and the three of them shuddered feeling it. Sukuna placed his hand over his cheek where you had hit him and he scowled. His date trembled at your actions and she tugged on his sleeve to ask if he was okay, to which he shrugged her off insensitively.

"I don't give a damn what you think of what I'm doing, Sukuna. You cheated on me for an asinine reason and then you berate me for actions that have nothing to do with you. I never want to see you again."

You spoke jeeringly. Satoru tried to grab your hand to comfort you but you plucked it away from him. He began to plead with you. Sukuna smiled slightly seeing that he successfully pitted you against Satoru.

"Y/N, I told you I'd make everything right. And I will, slowly and steadily."

You rolled your eyes and shook your head in resentment. You were done with all of this and everyone, ready to leave it all behind.

"The both of you can go fuck yourselves."

Satoru looked at you with pained eyes while Sukuna couldn't even face you. You turned to Sukuna's date and sighed, putting your hand on her shoulder in an act of comfort. You were both completely humiliated and she was on the verge of tears. You had a similar feeling but anger was the more prominent emotion.

"I'm sorry about all of this. You really don't deserve it."

She was mortified and began to cry, unable to speak. You turned your back to the three of them and began walking away.

"Don't follow me. I mean it. You two disgust me. I don't know who or what you think I am but I'm not a fucking toy."

"Y/N, please…"

Satoru's voice trailed as the distance increased between you two. You released your balled fists and one of your palms was red and stinging from the vicious slap you gave Sukuna. You then put your hands over your face, groaning loudly.

"What the fuck was all that?"

The walk home was miserable. You trudged back to your apartment, walking uncomfortably as the cold bit at your skin harshly and the dress hiked up your thighs. You constantly pulled the piece of clothing down to an almost modest length for the entire thirty-minute walk. The scene between you four replayed in your mind relentlessly. You wished you could just forget the past six months.

As soon as you stepped into your apartment, you fell down to your knees in front of the mirror. You examined yourself, thinking that you didn't like who you were or anyone very much at this moment. You banged on the mirror with the side of your fist, shattering the glass and distorting your reflection. Your hand began bleeding, shards of glass still embedded in it. And then, you began to sob hard, trying to catch your breath. Your chest felt heavy and your heart ached beneath it. Your phone hadn't stopped ringing since you left, mostly from calls and texts from Satoru, a few from Suguru and Shoko, and a couple from an unknown number which you assumed was Sukuna. You doubted yourself and the people closest to you.

"Am I not deserving of the love I give to others? Am I really just a pitiful person?"

You laid face down on the floor in despair. Exhaling deeply, you were unbearably exhausted and the confidence in yourself had completely dissipated. The depression began to settle in and you fell asleep in absolute defeat.

Note: Watch out for fluff next chapter <3

master list

MIGRATING TO A NEW BLOG @baji-san

#gojo x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #sukuna #gojo fluff #gojo x y/n #sukuna x y/n #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen #mine

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cherryblossomtease · 3 years

Text

Chapter 15

18+ only

warnings and summary - Masterlist

Because sometimes all you need is a simple reminder of who started this mess in the first damn place 💜

Warnings : as always 18+ only please- dom Zemo, sub Bucky, sub reader, punishment, m/m, m/m/f, light bondage

Authors Notes: Really didn't think I would be posting this weekend but it's a holiday in the states so why not! Still working on the rest by you know, neglecting everything that matters to create this fictional world. Anyhow, I can honestly say this is by far the most graphic story I've written so I'm a little nervous but it's already done, can't change it now, and I honestly don't want to! That said I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing!

Nothing lasts forever, especially when it’s this good. And this fabricated reality is about as good as it gets. Still, you know this boat will dock soon and goodbyes will be said. There’s really no way around it, try as you might to come up with a plan to talk Bucky into staying. Even now as you fight to stay asleep, your brain is working hard to create a solution while you refuse to give into your worries so early in the day.

You turn onto your stomach ignoring the dark thoughts, choosing instead to enjoy the feel of a strong arm across your back and a leg, hairy and heavy over both of yours.

Settling again with a content sigh, sleep starts to pull you back under. Thank the stars. You really aren’t in the mood— even if your dreams apparently are.

And what had you been dreaming about anyway?

A little house on a wide cliff overlooking water, and something else? The harder you try to remember the more you feel yourself slipping back into that dream space.

There was a small animal. What was it? A rabbit? Its fluffy body too close to the edge of the cliff. But in the dream you’d stayed standing in the doorway of the little house too indifferent to go and save it….

You feel bodies moving lazily, a stream of breath along your back that tickles; arms and legs and the men they belong to not fully awake and starting to stir like you, even as you quickly slip back into sleep until you’re standing in the doorway of that house again with the warm winds on your face and a view of the French sea below. The drop is dangerous. Deadly even.

Why haven’t you started talking Bucky into staying yet? Because you don’t like thinking about it too much. That's why. You start walking towards the edge of the cliff and you’re fully aware of your worlds crossing over —real thoughts present in your dream.

It’s probably bad luck to resent good deeds, after all that’s what he’s leaving you for. He wants to go off and live the life of the hero he never got to be. That and to keep Zemo’s location safe; but that’s besides the point. Hmm… Look at me, selfish even in my dreams. You smile when you shouldn’t.

Staring over the edge of the cliff it’s suddenly clear how unstable the ground is here and you gasp as it crumbles beneath your feet without warning.

Your eyes open with a start.

Well, that was a bit on the nose. Your subconscious does like to lay it on a thick sometimes, especially when you continue to ignore the things bothering you for too long and you've been setting these feelings aside since the text came through.

But just as quickly as you’re left to shake the shadow of the eerie dream, your frown fades replaced by a slow smile.

There is a very familiar poking at your ass that can sometimes be annoying-- this morning it’s welcome. You reach back and feel for the body that the greeting belongs too, comforted by the warmth and solid muscle of Bucky’s thigh under his tight boxers.

Mmmmm, the source of my distress and my desire, you think and grin into the pillows with a soft moan when his hand, hot and strong takes hold of your hip, massaging as he presses his erection into you.

You’ll talk to him about your dreams later.

Feeling a draft where there should be warmth, you open an eye to find breaks of sunlight in the space between Helmut’s arm and torso. When you turn your head you’re met with the sight of his bare chest, broad and covered in the softest dark hair. His necklace hangs off center, and you, as always, are helpless to it.

Your hand leaves Bucky’s thigh and your fingers slide over the delicate links in the chain and down into the soft chest hair as you turn your head to find he and Bucky locked in one hell of a kiss for so early in the day. It must have been their movement or the sound of their lips that woke you and pulled you from the doom of your fatal fall.

Dreams are so strange…

Your heart flutters when Helmut lays his hand over yours pressing it tight to his chest. “Good morning love birds.” You snicker and watch Bucky pull away from Zemo looking a little embarrassed. He does pause to kiss your cheek however before getting out of bed with a long stretch.

“So where the hell are we anyway?” He asks going to the balcony door, looking out at the passing waves. “Feels like nowhere.”

Zemo is looking down at you, stroking your profile, kissing your nose. “We should be well within the middle of it actually.” He answers, eyes still fixed on you.

“Perfect” You say softly letting him pull you so close that he blocks out the light as your lips meet.

“Breakfast is ready sir,” Oeznik calls from outside the bedroom door.

Zemo grumbles at the interruption but you’re starving. “What? I’m not going anywhere” You huff turning away, trying to escape. “You just said so yourself. I've got no place to go.”

“All by design” He smiles and lets you get up, giving your ass a smack as you go. Bucky is watching from the doorway and laughs at your yelp-hop-rub combination.

Swearing under your breath you go over to the closet, grab your silk robe and pull it on over your shorts and tank top, yawning as you drag your feet over to Bucky. You pat his stomach, kissing him quickly. “Hungry?”

“Famished.”

“Lets go up.” You say tugging at him as Zemo gets up and puts on his own robe across the room. It’s not the thick one you liked from before the raft, but silk like yours— Tom Ford if memory serves— god his influence is strong. How the hell do you remember this stuff?

You watch him scratch at the back of his messy nest of hair like he always does in the mornings, somehow looking both sexy and adorable, alternating between the two with the ease of flicking a light switch. You can only smile at the enigma that is Helmut Zemo and pull Bucky away from the doors.

The three of you leave the room shuffling along, making your way down the hall to the den. Zemo trails you and Bucky accepting a small espresso from Oeznik as he watches the way you and your Sergeant interact. Neither you nor Bucky are necessarily morning people and though it’s nearly ten, you’re both somewhat irritable now that you’re actually moving around and slightly hungover from yesterdays sangrias as you make your way up to the top deck where breakfast will be served.

The sun is so bright you huff about not being able to find your sunglasses and Bucky accuses you of being a diva. The only appropriate reaction is to give him a shove.

Zemo snorts a laugh at your near sibling like banter which you’d established after so many months together, but once you find your glasses on the bar counter and get a fresh cup of coffee and a bloody Mary chaser in your body you’re feeling like a new woman ready to conquer the day… a day spent doing nothing really.

It’s all so casually decadent that it’s nearly sinful. Whats the one? The sin that doesn’t sound as good as lust but feels better after all that fornicating you’ve been doing— Sloth? Yes, you think reaching for what’s left of your blood Mary from the lounge chair, the ultimate of all the sins. Thou shalt not be a lazy ass sloth all day on your yacht.

Cheers.

You read on the deck for a while, play a few rounds of shuffle board with Bucky by the pool and attempt to best Zemo at chess in the den.

Lunch is wonderful, and you think you will need to meet this mystery chef at some point before the trip is over followed by a nap on the bedroom balcony.

When you wake up in the very late afternoon you venture down the hall with your book and unexpectedly find the men in your life moaning on the floor of the den in a tangle of beautifully tanned arms and legs. So you very quietly slip past, feeling a flush rise up your neck to your cheeks highlighting your wide but tight lipped smile.

You stay above decks giving them privacy feeling only the slightest twinge of jealousy. Not because you think you’ve been excluded but because you could use another session like last night.

A shiver runs deep in your belly thinking of the way Helmut brought you to climax, but you’re still more than happy to give them time alone. After all, you’ve had the Baron to yourself for far longer than Bucky.

You sink down onto the upper deck sofa, the image of them entwined, the sounds of their heavy breathing and Bucky’s near innocent moans enough to make you consider touching yourself but you wait, letting the urge build, one of them if not both will take care of you later.

So when Bucky comes up and finds you with a funny look on his face you’re completely confused. “Whats wrong?” You ask putting your book down.

He’s poured a drink and sits down beside you on the couch.

“I don’t know if I can do it.” He says shaking his head tossing back the bourbon.

“Do what?” You have an idea but you thought for sure he’d be eager to try, at least it looked like they were well on their way to his first time.

“Letting him control me, I’ve never had someone tell me no. Not like this.”

“Oh” You smile. It’s the no sex. The lack of it is a cruel form of control but the end results are glorious, if he could just be patient enough. “He won’t let you come?” You ask a little more patronizing than you’d intended.

“No!” Bucky whines taking his cue from you and you stifle your laughter. He’s so cute, even in the throws of his sexual agony. “And it’s making me crazy. I mean I’m already crazy but this is different.” He looks around and leans closer to you. “If you were to so much as look at my cock right now, I’d be done.” He says under his breath.

You let go and laugh rolling your eyes. Dramatics seem to come as naturally as submission to him. “That’s against the rules.” You warn eyeing him sidelong and attempting to go back to your book.

“I can’t take it. Fuck the rules.” He says again pulling the paperback from your hand.

You wave your finger in his face. “James. You’re not allowed.” You say playfully.

“Please.” He begs running his finger down your cheek, brushing your neck and gliding along your clavicle where he knows you’re sensitive.

“I can’t!” You lean away a little surprised by his attempt.

“He won’t know!”

You shake your head “I know but…” You try not to smile.

“I can’t take it.” He insists leaning in to kiss you. “I promise; it won’t take long.”

You give in and laugh sensing his desperation as you kiss. He does feel tense. The muscles of his arm and shoulder are wound tight as a chord. You smile against his lips letting him ease you down onto the couch, your book dropping to the floor as he moans, sliding his hand down your thigh, pushing your knee up and his own hips forward letting you feel what you’re fairly certain is the most rock solid hard on you’ve ever had pressed to your body. You whisper his name as his lips find their way to your neck and his hand slides between you to free himself from those amazing shorts.

“Shame, I had every intention of making your patience worth the effort. But you do love to prolong your torment, don’t you soldat.”

You gasp and Bucky hangs his head as Zemo comes sauntering over. Your laughter is a mix of nerves and feeling like you’ve been caught sneaking around with a boy like a damn teenager. It’s been years since you’ve felt a rush like this. Leave it to the Baron to stir that old excitement again.

“Don’t move” Zemo orders, pointing a finger in your face. You freeze, legs open where Bucky was, your arms tight at your sides. “Sit” He growls at Bucky who obeys begrudgingly as he slides back onto the couch.

Very quickly Zemo shoves your legs closed and grabs you by the arm pulling you up to standing. You lean away as he shakes his head keeping you close, his hold so tight you wince “I thought you knew better by now” He scolds you sounding disappointed.

“I told him not too?” You try looking as innocent as possible. You truly had no intentions of fucking him, but maybe a quick hand job?

There is a flicker of excitement in Zemo’s eyes. It's been so long since you’ve given him a reason to really go for it and you hold in your smile because you’re meant to be sad and hang your head. “I’m sorry Baron.”

He ignores your attempts to apologize and pulls you over so that you’re standing in front of Bucky. He looks you both over for a moment thinking and then smiles. You don’t know if you love or hate to see him looking so pleased. Nothing “good” ever comes of that smile.

“Look James.” He says, waiting until Bucky raises his head. “I want you to see what listening to your eager cock and not my rules get gets you— and her.” He tells Bucky before giving you his undivided attention.

Zemo turns your back to Bucky and you feel his hand between your shoulder blades pushing just a little. You bend at the waist, not all the way, just enough to make sure Bucky knows where his attention should be.

This flouncy little designer sun dress you’ve changed into after your nap only helps direct his gaze as Zemo drags the fabric up slowly so that the reveal of your ass is yet another way to torment him all on its own and you give yourself over to the Baron and wonder how bad this will be.

“Pull them down.” He tells you, his hand smoothing over your simple lace panties. His voice is not so angry as it was when he found the two of you, but every bit as firm, and you glance up at him as you hook your thumbs into the waist band. He nods and you quickly obey, pulling your underwear over the curve of your hips and ass and swear you hear Bucky groan when you bend to pull them from your ankles letting him see the diamond shape of your pussy from behind for just a second, your smile hidden from view.

When you stand again, Zemo offers his forearm. You rest your stomach against him, your hand gripping his shirt, the other you will have to try very hard not to cover your backside with because you know that the breeze will be the last nice thing that you feel.

He tosses your dress back up holding you, adjusting the way he stands just a little so that you are safe but immobile.

“Count them off; to five.” He says leaning just a bit closer. The tone in his voice is confident. Zemo knows that you’re well aware of what this means.

“Yes Baron.” You say exhaling, trying to prepare, but five? Fuck. He does not intend on holding back. If he was being playful he would give you ten or more, but five? He knows you won’t be able to take more that that.

You dig your fingers into his forearm and hold your breath.

The first strike makes you cry out.

The way Zemo can raise his hand and bring it down on your ass is unrivaled. He doesn’t mess around. There is no teasing, no playing, no cute little taps to warm you up. Just instant punishment.

“One.”

Your voice shakes and the rousing heat of adrenaline spreads through your arms and legs.

Again he lifts his hand and brings it down quickly with a stinging force that sends shock waves through your body. Your cry is weaker this time, trailing longer.

“Two.”

You pull his shirt tighter into your fist, your cheeks are on fire already when you feel the air stir as his hand rises again. You wonder if Bucky is watching, you wonder if he see’s how your thighs flex and your flesh shakes when the Baron strikes you.

You close your eyes and draw in your bottom lip trying not to moan, but you arch your back and your hips begin to circle ever so slightly with the anticipation of the next smack. You’re practically whimpering as you offer up your backside for more.

Zemo can feel the light vibration of pleasure sounding in your chest and his laughter is a low, very amused rumble as he raises his hand just a little higher this time.

The next smack lands and you toss your head back with a gasp. You would have gone to your knees if he wasn’t strong enough to hold you up. “Three” You whisper but you don’t move. The air brushes your pussy, wet in spite of your reddening skin.

“Don’t look away.” Zemo says.

There is the answer to your previous question. Bucky likes it, but it’s not always easy for him to watch.

“James!” Zemo snaps and waits. Bucky must be looking again because you feel the Baron move.

The fourth strike comes and you steady yourself knowing you can take it, wanting it, loving it as much as your feel your legs shaking. “Four”

You’re breathing hard, as you anticipate the final blow, desperate for it to be over but sorry for it to end. You rest against him for just a second feeling both safe in his hold and powerless to his dominance.

When the last of your punishment lands you hang your head, rounding your spine unable to offer yourself anymore. You can not pretend and this is why he’s given you so few.

Letting your hips drop as your body shudders and a single tear falls, you whisper, “Five” And only Helmut hears you say it.

Very gently he pulls your dress down, the soft cotton is cool over your burning skin and he turns you around to face him.

He brushes the tear from your cheek, holding you in such a way that you can go limp in his arms. “It wasn’t that bad, you’re just out of practice.” He says smiling at you knowing it wasn’t kind either.

You’d love for him to know just once. Maybe let Bucky give him a slap across the ass to make it fair. But when you look at him the thought is all wrong if not hilarious and you just shrug a little and hang your head again, resting on his chest.

“No breaking rules.” He scolds affectionately, “Even if you’re only trying to help. Understood?”

“Yes Baron.” Your voice is very small.

He gives a nod, kisses your forehead and looks over his shoulder at James. “So, is this what you wanted?”

“No.”

“No… no I don’t think it is.” He agrees. “But I understand. She’s damn near impossible to resist still you must learn to control yourself. Apparently I’ve not made that clear. Perhaps a more direct approach.”

You both look at him wide eyed. What’s more direct than this you think not even close to recovered from your spanking.

“Both of you, go down to our bedroom.” He says as though nothing has ever been more obvious “Take off your clothes. Wait for me on the bed.”

You look at Bucky. He looks at you.

“You fucked up,” You mouth to him.

Bucky just gets up and pushes past you both.

“I suppose you could say I’ve had to get creative with my plans for you. I know that pain is something you can’t respond to in ways that she can.” Zemo says, smiling as he glances down at Bucky and then over his shoulder at you on your knees behind him. “Have you finished?”

You look up from what you’re doing, hoping it’s right. “Yes, I think so?”

He comes around to look at the rope binding Bucky’s wrists. It’s just for show to heighten the experience. Of course Bucky could break free if he wanted to— his strength is no match for a few rough fibers— but this is a training of the mind as well as the body. “You see, pleasure can be just as awful.” Zemo says, his voice making you shiver as he checks your work, tugging and tightening the rope a little more.

Leaning in close, he strokes Bucky’s jaw, his finger reaching to trace the spine of his ear and you smile when the hairs on Bucky’s right arm raise and Zemo loses the air of control for a second simply becoming the man who cares for the other deeply. “The irony of tying you to a chair to satisfy you is not lost on me, based on what I know of your past. But if you can endure it, I promise it will be nothing like the pain you’ve known. I could never hurt you in that way. Still, if at any time this is too much, if it triggers memories that change it from what it’s meant to be, please— James— say the word, your word and it stops.”

Bucky nods. “I will” He says softly.

“Nothing now?” Zemo asks genuinely wanting to know. Bucky shakes his head. “No, nothing.”

Zemo gives a confident nod and kisses the back of Bucky’s head patting his cheek a little harder than he needs too. “I only want to make you feel good— eventually.” He teases and Bucky rolls his eyes with a small laugh.

Pleased, Zemo pushes up and goes to sit in the soft chair across the room, notably more comfortable than the one Bucky has been placed in. Although the more obvious differences being, Zemo is not bound, Zemo is not naked, and Zemo has not been so gently stroked and toyed with that he’s been left with a perfectly vulnerable erection like Bucky has.

You’d had a hard time focusing on the ropes as the Baron made it happen. The way he’d taken Bucky in hand, winding down the length of his sex was in a word, mesmerizing. And when Bucky made that sound, that soft, pleading sound and Zemo stopped — his brow raised with such smug confidence— you wondered who would break first, you or Bucky. He’d quickly brought his hand up with one last tease, his fingers swirling around the curving head of Bucky’s member only to let go as though he’d lost interest.

Bucky’s groan was deep. He was beyond frustrated, but instead of breaking out of his restrains and fucking one of the two of you, he sat there just waiting to be punished for breaking rules in the first place.

He watches as you come and kneel before him, naked yourself as you’ve been told to be. He actually looks slightly scared but mostly curious. His erection is as always flawlessly pretty, arching up and back, smooth while perfectly veined and so inciting.

You only know what it is you’re meant to do to him because you’ve had it done to you before. You figure it’s very similar, only the mechanics are different because his is a man. If Zemo doesn’t approve, he’ll tell you.

The Baron in charge picks up his drink, the ice rattling as he takes a sip and lets the scene settle in his sights for a moment. He likes to see the two of you together, his two helpless things— his to play with and his to love.

“Begin.”

Bucky inhales, but you smile at him to show that it won’t hurt— it’ll just drive him mad.

First you take the little bottle of body oil from the floor and put some in your hands rubbing them together.

He raises his brow watching you and starts to relax thinking he might understand now. You take him in hand and start to stroke, you are after all very good at this. Over and over again, up and down his long, thick shaft, curving your hand over the head of his cock until he moans and rolls his eyes shut. When he opens them he does seem a bit confused by this sudden attention and he flashes a smile because it feels so good. If this is all that’s been planned, he could get used to this sort of punishment.

The room is quiet, there’s nothing but the soft hum of the ship, his breathing and the wonderfully obscene sound of the oil you’re using against his skin as you work faster…

It’s not long before you feel him stiffen and his breath grows quicker, his thighs flex, his hips raise an inch and he starts to moan softly, a staccato sound of pleasure that makes even your heart beat faster. He’s been waiting and suffering through so much you can feel the joy of release seeping into every inch of his body.

“You feel it happening?” Zemo asks softly. “The start, the pressure mounting? You see, she is very good. And she will get you there James, every time— right to the edge”

You yank your hand away and he jerks forward mouth open cock twitching with the start of an orgasm he will not have.

“To the edge” Zemo chuckles. “A cruel punishment for a greedy man who must learn to wait.”

Bucky quickly lifts his head, the realization flashing in his eyes as his chest rises and falls. He looks down at you.

You smile and reach for him again.

“Please” He begs breathless.

“Not yet” Zemo says leaning forward a bit in his seat, the drink in his hand all but forgotten. You notice the ice has long since melted as you wait for permission, watching over your shoulder.

He gives you a nod and you turn back to Bucky.

Wrapping your hand around him again, you feel him so solid he’s like stone. His thighs are flexed, his hips raise up in the chair as you begin to jerk your hand up and down and the light reflecting off the oil makes you both shine like gold.

He moans and you watch the muscles of his abs flex as he feels the orgasm coming on, helpless to it and your skilled hand.

“I’m going to come.” He groans sounding sorry for and drops his hips.

“No, you won’t. I did not say that you can” Zemo says like the villain behind you.

“I can’t it hold back” Bucky pants, his voice is thin he sounds like he very well might lose control and you feel him pulse in your palm. You twist your hand around sliding it down to the base thinking it might help hold him off if your focus is less near the collection of nerve endings.

Zemo stands and comes to you, tapping your shoulder. You let him go with a quick up and down and Bucky’s disappointment is the saddest thing you’ve ever heard.

When Zemo looks down at the wonderfully pitiful sight, Bucky shuts his eyes. “Yellow.” He whispers. “Please, yellow.”

“All right.” Zemo says kindly and gives his head a rub. “Rest”

“Thank you.” Bucky manages.

You stand not caring what Zemo says and kiss Bucky’s cheek.

“You okay?” You ask, your hand on his shoulder, lifting his chin to look at his face.

“Please… don’t, don’t touch me for a minute?” He asks and you give an embarrassed laugh understanding his request. You’re not exactly innocent in his torment.

“Of course I’m sorry I…” Your sentence is cut off.

Zemo has you by the back of your arms and pulls you tight against him. “You, not her.”

Bucky sighs dropping his head.

“I’m still confused. Is, this what you wanted?” He asks feigning ignorance though with you naked its clear what Zemo means.

Bucky won’t look.

“Answer me.”

“No, I mean— yes Baron.” He concedes.

You feel Zemo’s laugh along your neck. “You wouldn’t have been fast enough to finish before I found you. Well, maybe you, but not her. Tell me, how quickly can you make her come?”

“What?”

“How quickly?”

You shut your eyes as soon as you realize where this is going.

“I don’t know. I mean she always got there.” Bucky says sounding slightly self conscious.

Zemo smiles. “Two minutes. I can finish her off in just two.”

“Ha!” Bucky doesn’t believe him, who would.

Oh Bucky…

“Tell him it’s true.” Zemo leans towards you.

You nod glancing at them both. “He does this… thing.” You tell Bucky. “He works my spot and my clit at the same time and I come. Fast.” You say simply and totally helpless to it.

“It’s not always the most fun, rarely my first choice; but great when we’re in a hurry.” He shrugs and takes a knee before you even realize that he has. “Open your legs.” He says looking up at you.

Your eyes go wide, surprised to see him down and waiting with Bucky watching. Still, you part your thighs and wisely lay your hands on his shoulders knowing you won’t be able to stay upright without the support.

“This? Right James? This warm, tight, safe place? This is what you wanted?” Zemo asks, teasing Bucky with the way he slides his fingers between your velvet soft folds. You feel him turn his hand and his finger circles your entrance. He sighs and takes hold of your hip to keep you in place.

Two fingers slip inside and you hiss against the stretch, biting your lip as your head lolls to the side. You try to hold in the loudest of your noise but it’s hopeless.

The Baron starts to do his thing and you wonder if you might be able to deny him the pleasure of making you come in front of Bucky again, but just like always you end up gripping his shoulders to keep from falling as he does a perfect come hither with his two fingers as his thumb rubs with the perfect amount of pressure on your throbbing clitoris. He can’t resist and licks your peak for good measure until you hold your breath as he sucks sloppily and until you come on his hand and just as quickly as always. Your wild moaning is nearly feral but you could not care less. It makes you smile to hear him laugh softly so pleased with himself and you and your eyes shut as you pant, catching your breath.

Lowering your head, your eyes only half open, you both look over at Bucky who is glaring at the Baron.

“James.”

“Yes.”

“Stop breaking the rules.”

“Yes Baron.” He says giving in completely.

Zemo smiles and slowly pulls his fingers free from you, raising his hand just enough to show them so wet and sticky and glistening. He kisses your belly and looks up at you. “Go lie down.” He says rubbing your stomach, smoothing his hand over your soft tuft of hair. You’re still floating as you do, happy to go and rest and leave them to it.

“Would you like to come now?” You hear Zemo ask Bucky as he gets up and goes around the chair.

“Please.” Bucky whispers watching you sink down onto the bed on your side.

“I can finish you off just as quickly as I did her.”

“Yes. Please.” He begs through clenched teeth rising up again as if presenting himself to be relieved, the steady rush of blood to his lower half turning his cock a darker shade of desperate as it rises up like a tower ready to fall. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” He pants “I’m sorry I tried to fuck her. I’m sorry for breaking your rules. And I will do anything, please just… fuck. Please!”

Helmut leans down hushing him, pressing his face close to Bucky’s, grabbing him around the chest as his left hand comes reaching over his stomach promising an end to the day’s long torment.

He grips the soldiers gorgeous, endlessly taunted dick; your natural lubricant replacing the oil to help glide his fingers along.

When Zemo starts to work Bucky you can see through the look on his face that this is all he’s wanted to do for so long and you are reminded that this is as much the Baron’s discipline as it is yours— as it is Bucky’s.

Bucky makes a deep sound that gets your attention. His body flexes and you think he looks like a bomb ready to blow. A sexy, finely muscled, lightly tanned bomb with a look of pained excitement as his legs open and his jaw flexes.

“Are you mine James?” Zemo asks, his lips brushing his ear,

“Yes” He says pitifully raising his hips, thrusting once into the Baron’s hand just as Zemo lets go. A deep frown fixes between Bucky’s brows as he waits until Zemo grabs again and starts to perfectly stroke him.

Bucky’s mouth opens, his eyes fix on the incredibly hypnotic rhythm of Zemo’s hand.

“You’ve always been mine haven’t you?”

“Yes!” Bucky nearly shouts, his brows turned down with the exquisite anguish of the nearing release.

“Say it again,” Zemo demands, his right arm tight around Bucky, his eyes shut relishing in the control and the love, you listen to the wet rhythm as it gets faster.

“Yes.”

“Say it!”

“I’ve always been yours” Bucky moans loudly and glances over at you unable to keep your hand away from your pussy selfishly wanting to come again.

“Once more.” Helmut says opening his eyes. The muscle of his arm is flexed beautifully as he pounds.

Bucky moans so similarly to you that Helmut just smiles. He knows, he understands the hold he has over you both.

“I’m yours” Bucky manages and the Baron focuses his movement as if pulling the orgasm from Bucky’s body willing it to come forward. He jerks his hand up and away…but this time he’s finished the job.

He holds Bucky as the man cries out, his hips rising high this time, his cock pulsing with a tight up and down as he finally —god, finally— gives a high pitched groan with that first explosive release of come that shoots past his stomach and onto his own chest followed by equally satisfying spasms that send milky droplets flying free into the air and across his stomach onto Zemo’s arms; Bucky’s groaning and gasping near tears with the absolute exhaustion and relief of his well deserved climax, his moans and gasps of surprise so raw and unaffected.

By the time he lowers back down to the chair unable to do much more than sit there, limp and panting with his eyes closed, Helmut is holding him, caring nothing for the mess. He seems to love the sight of the pearlescent results of Bucky’s incredible orgasm as much as you do.

Smiling as he strokes Bucky’s hair, kissing his temple, he says with a tone only Helmut Zemo could manage at a moment like this, “You see. When you listen to me, I make it worth every second, every moment of torment. Yes?”

Bucky nods but it’s weak.

Zemo chuckles softly, kisses him again and reaches down easily undoing the ropes.

“Look at you both.” He says trying to sound angry, as if it’s not all his fault. “You can’t come to dinner like this. I’ll run a bath.”

He leaves Bucky and comes to the bed bending over you, his hand so sticky from the combination is heavy on your belly as he kisses your lips. “Hows your ass?” He asks.

“Still on fire.” You say and he winks as he rises.

“Good."

“You’re pretty quiet over there.” Bucky says splashing you from across the large tub. You’ve both been in for a while now after Zemo took a quick shower and left you alone letting you know he’d be up waiting at the dinner table.

Roused from your daydream but still not sure you want to talk about why you’re so quiet, you glance over and shrug.

“Whats wrong? You’re not mad about what happened are you?” Bucky asks sliding a little closer. The tub is surprisingly big in an already large bathroom and yet again you wonder how you’ll return to real life when this all ends.

“What happened?” You ask him.

“Getting you in trouble? He really put a shine on your backside.” Bucky says, a smile breaking through any attempt at being serious.

You sit up surprised to hear that’s what he thinks it could be. “Ha! No. Not at all. That was amazing… god” You tip your head back, the image of Bucky, naked and tired to a chair with Zemo holding him and whispering in his ear will be seared into your mind for life. “I didn’t know you could come that much.” You say, slowly looking back down at him,trying not to giggle.

“Neither did I.” He says practically blushing before he grins. “Same goes for you.” He tosses right back.

You laugh and roll your eyes. “Okay well we both know he’s capable of turning us into sex crazed idiots apparently.” You say with a cheeky grin and Bucky laughs shaking his head with a sigh.

“What is it? Some Sokovian spell or something, magic from the old world?” Bucky says with a thick accent wiggling his wet soapy fingers in the air.

Laughing you scrunch your nose. “Nah, that’s all him. Just wait until you’ve been around him long enough to get to the good stuff.”

“The good stuff!” He looks shocked “Well what the hell is all this!”

“This is amazing, but it not… well it’s not him. Theres so much more than sex. Watching tv. Eating dinner in bed. Naps— once he read to me.” You say with a sigh and the room goes silent as you both slip into a day dream laced with Helmuts beautiful voice surrounding you as he reads the classics on a warm summer night…

“You think he sits around daydreaming about us like this?” Bucky asks with a frown. “I worry sometimes.”

“Really?” You ask looking into his big blue eyes. Hundred years old and still so sweet. “Of course he does. Bucky, he wouldn’t have done any of this if he didn’t spend as much time thinking of us as we do him. Don’t be so naive”

He nods looking out the window and you know he’s just out of practice. He probably had a swarm of girls around him back when his life was normal. Maybe even a secret guy. But how long ago had that been. And since he’d been released from the words, his only real time spent with anyone has been with the two of you. For a moment you wonder if that’s fair. He should go out on dates or something, but then again you did try to get him on some apps. He hated them all. Women swiped right like it was their job of course, but he thought it was strange and wanted to meet them the old fashioned way but when he did he could only focus on what he didn’t like and just compared them to you— and Zemo.

“Hey.” You get his attention again. “I mean it, I’m really not upset about anything that happened earlier. Thanks for being such a rule breaker.” You say with a wink.

“No problem” He laughs as if that was his intention. Bucky’s expression softens as he sits back, the water rocking under the bubbles.

Bubbles. Talk about a diva, is anyone is on this big ass boat it’s him. Two adults having a bath drawn from them; why not throw in the bubbles. You roll your eyes ignoring the way your chest gets tight with the feel of being so adored and loving every second of his over the top ways and focus on Bucky who looks stunning in the bath— your heart sinking just a little.

“So what is it?” He asks unaware of your many distractions.

You look back to the window staring up at the sky for a while. “I’m just… sad.” You say giving in to the truth “I mean, I’m thrilled being here. But I’ve had this idea that I could talk you into staying with us. I keep imagining this life with you and Helmut and I know it can’t happen for so many reasons but I’m stubborn and spoiled. I truly hate not getting my way. So I keep thinking, maybe.”

He goes quiet now understanding, and then you feel his hand on your knee under the water. “I know. I’ve thought about it too. Maybe a little too much. Definitely enough that I’ve almost convinced myself it could work, but no. It just wouldn’t.”

You press your lips hesitant to say in case you might offend him but decide to just go for it. “And you’re sure it’s not just that you miss it? Saving the world and everything? I mean, I can see how it would be appealing— from controlled killer to stoic hero.” You tease gently, wiggling your brows up and down until he laughs a little, probably more annoyed than you’d like, and whatever facade you’d put on crumbles. The look of heartbreak turns your brows down, twisting your face with the agony of losing him. He looks surprised to see you so broken about it and finds your hand through the water.

“Hey hey hey.” He pulls but you’re not in the mood to be comforted. Bucky hates when you don’t let him coddle you, but he knows better than to fight it so he simply answers your question. “Yes.Well. No I mean, it’s nice. But honestly, if you really want to know, I could get used to being domesticated.” He shrugs letting go of your hand as he looks towards the shower where Zemo was and you swallow the tears that have been overpowered by your intrigue.

Managing a laugh at his expense you poke his arm on the rim of the tub. “Really? By me or Helmut?” You ask and swear you see him blush.

“You’ve already proven you can turn me into a homebody, and happy to be there, so —Maybe both?” He shrugs and there is such a tone of possibility in his statement that you’re instantly transported into a world in which the three of you are living happily. Maybe in this Mediterranean paradise, you’ve just come home from the market with ingredients for a dinner that Bucky has asked you to pick up and you help him cook while music blasts in your small but bright kitchen and you dance around until the house smells delicious and you set the table, flirting and toying with one another until everything looks beautiful before rushing to sit just as your Baron comes through the door…

Even here and now sitting in the tub with you, Bucky looks like the sweetest house husband glowing a soft gold in the light of the sun. What you wouldn’t give to be his forever. His his and hers, you think and your chin quivers with the threat of happy miserable tears.

Bucky isn’t oblivious to your hurting but he’s trying to keep strong, he can’t give in to you, not this time. “We’ll never know if I stick around.” He says and your little vision fades “I think I’ve got one visit, maybe two in me before someone notices an avenger hanging around their town and his cover is blown. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. I’d never forgive myself."

“I know.” You say and only realize that your head is down when his hand, which is covered in white bubbles reaches to lift your chin.

“Hey, come one. None of that. We’ve only got a little bit of time. I just want to make the most of it. Give me enough good memories to finally forget about whats left of the bad.”

You smile and nod, blowing the bubbles away before they go up your nose. “Fine.” You sigh and look back out the window hugging your knees. “Buck, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” He says only cringing a little when you call him Buck.

“Do you think you might ever love him?”

Bucky freezes. He looks— odd. Uncomfortable. Exposed? You realize very quickly that he already does, even if he’s not aware of it and decide not to push him

“It’s okay. I was just curious.” You say and try to calm him with your smile “We come from very different worlds. Letting myself love a man like Helmut Zemo took little to no effort for me, for you— I know why it might come as a shock. But I think you’ll find, when you do admit it to yourself and to him, he might just surprise you with how quickly he says it back.”

#zemo x reader #bucky barns x you #winterbaron #winterbaron x you #buckybarnes/zemo #tfatws #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #winterbaron fic #baron helmut zemo #zemo #self insert #yacht life #these two #i love them so much #also ouch

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one-boring-person · 3 years

Text

Can You Do Me A Favour?

Barney Ross (The Expendables) x reader

Warnings: injury, drinking, sexual content implied, mentions of violence, swearing

Context: the reader is a member of the Expendables and has a crush on Barney. After a job, the two have some time together.

A/N: as promised, here is some Expendables stuff! I hope anyone who reads this will enjoy it! (Just a heads up: I have more Rambo and Escape Plan stuff coming, and most likely some more TLB content, too.)

Masterlist

(I'm also going to tag @yuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in this, because they expressed interest in Expendables stuff earlier😊💛)

The cold water is pleasant on my heated skin as I cup my hands under the steady stream flowing from the tap, splashing it into my face when a suitable pool has formed in the space. A gasp escapes me from the stark contrast in temperatures, using my fingers to rub slightly at my skin, trying to work out the headache that has set in, only to hiss when I accidentally press into one of the new scars on the side of my face. Pulling back, I repeat my action, doing my best to distract myself from the plaguing thoughts in my head, still disgusted at myself for having them.

But even now, as I massage the contours of my face, I can't get the images of my boss out of my head. Not the sight of him taking out a ring of attackers using his revolver and sharpshooting skills, not the way his exposed arm muscles flexed with each movement, not the determined look on his rugged face and certainly not the fierce eye contact he made with me when he turned around again. At the mere memory of this, a flush of heat goes through me, eyes squeezing shut to force myself to blank them out, not quite realising that his stare is branded into my subconscious. Biting my lip, I shake my head, forcing down the picture of his muscular body and large hands on my body as he dragged me from the collapsing building, not five hours ago.

Growling, I reach over and grab hold of the beer bottle nearby, glancing at my haggard features in the mirror before taking a deep drink, wincing at the stale flavour, having had the drink for far too long. I can see the tension in my body, each muscle tight and uncomfortable, my posture ramrod straight and clearly wrong, my eyes clouded with exhaustion and what I can only assume is loneliness.

As soon as I'd gotten in from the last job, I'd headed straight into the bathroom, grabbing a beer from the fridge as I went, needing to clear my head. Nothing I did could help, my head always circling back to that one person. Frustrated, I slam the bottle on the counter top, wincing when it shatters from the force, a particularly sharp shard slicing into my palm.

Damn him. Damn Barney Ross for getting into my head.

I clean up my hand, just bandaging it up when my phone buzzes, the screen lighting up. Frowning, I look over at it, confused. Nobody calls me. Nobody, except my boss.

Picking up the phone, I groan to myself as I realise it is, in fact, Barney. For a second, I debate letting it go to voicemail, before I finally give in, accepting the call and placing the phone to my ear.

"Sir?" I greet him politely, wondering what he needs.

"How many times have I told you not to call me "sir"?" Barney's gravelly voice sounds through the phone, a low chuckle evident in his tone. I have to ignore the effect his voice has on me, the sound giving me butterflies in my stomach.

"Sorry, sir- ah, shit." I sigh at my own habit, "You alright?"

"Yeah, guess so. Just lonely. Figured you might be, too." He admits, tone going soft as he speaks.

"Bold of you to assume that." I tease, but continue, "Though you are, as always, right."

"Should tell Christmas that, might listen to you." The veteran laughs again, the joke drawing a similar reaction from me.

"We all know he listens to no one but himself." I quip back, still waiting for him to tell me why exactly he called.

"True, true." Barney's grin is almost audible, my mind instantly bringing up an image of that particular expression into my head, much to my chagrin, "You got any plans for tonight?"

Surprised, I take a second to reply, unsure of where this is going.

"No, it's too late. Ain't really got many friends outside work, anyway." I inform him, going out of the bathroom and into the lounge.

"Fancy coming over? I've got a couple of beers that need drinking, and the hangar is pretty lonely this time of night."

His offer stumps me for a moment, though I am quick to recover, my mouth working before my mind can catch up.

"Yeah sure. I'll be over in twenty."

"Great. See you then." He hangs up, leaving me wondering why the hell I accepted that, knowing how much I spend too much time thinking about him (in totally inappropriate ways considering he's my boss) anyway.

Annoyed at myself, I steel myself before going and grabbing a coat, pulling on that and my boots as I leave the flat, taking my motorcycle keys with me. I lock my door behind me, leaving the apartment block quickly, glad to have the fresh air on my face as I make my way over to my motorbike. Looking on it fondly, I climb on and kick out the stand, easily getting it revved up, the vibrating engine beneath me a pleasant feeling.

Thankfully, the roads are mostly clear this time of night, cutting the twenty minute drive short by five minutes as I go at speed through the nearly deserted outer city. The hangar is usually a pain in the ass to get to, the traffic in the roads leading up to it almost always horrific, so I am only too happy to be able to go much faster now that there's not many other drivers around. With the wind rushing around me, I find that my head clears a little, my attention on navigating the roads rather than the thoughts of my boss doing things to me I'm sure he'd find grotesque in nature.

I arrive quickly, pulling into the hangar slowly, knowing Barney is most likely in the plane, as he usually is. Stopping the bike, I put it in park before climbing off, hanging my helmet on the handlebars as I do so, taking the keys with me as I walk over to the old plane. Nearing the aircraft, I frown a little at the sight of the new bullet holes riddling the side of it, unaware that we'd taken so much damage earlier in the day. Sighing, I go inside, ducking in through the small door, only now hearing the music playing from the stereo in the cockpit.

"It's gonna need a new lick of paint." I call out to Barney, who I can see sat in his seat, the muscular man turning to look at me as he hears me.

"It's been a long time coming, so I'm not complaining." He replies, grinning at me as I walk into the cockpit, dropping into Christmas' usual seat, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach from his stare on me again. As I enter, he rakes his eyes over my body, subtly taking my every curve in from where he is.

"Fair enough." I shrug, leaning back slightly, having missed his look, "Got a beer?"

"Yeah, here." Barney hands me a bottle, opening it for me as he does so.

"Cheers." I thank him, taking a deep drink from it as he chuckles lowly, voice sending a bolt of heat through me.

"You're starting to sound like Lee." He remarks, sipping his own bottle with a smirk.

"Should I take that as a compliment? Or an insult?"

"Up to you." He looks over at me.

"Eh, I'll take compliment. You two get along like an old married couple, after all. Must mean something if you're comparing me to him." I decide, teasing him.

Barney laughs at my comment, lifting his bottle.

"I can agree with that." He hums, staring out of the front window.

For a couple of moments, we sit in companionable silence, drinking our beers, Barney eventually lighting a cigar. Taking a deep inhale, he offers it to me, which I decline, choosing to finish my drink instead.

"What do you usually do after a job?" Barney suddenly asks, glancing back at me.

Surprised, I think over the question for a second.

"Nothing, really. I get myself cleaned up, have a drink, then get some sleep. I don't do much else with my life." I tell him, knowing how pathetic I sound.

"What, you haven't got anyone you can hang out with?" He questions, seemingly confused.

"No. As I said before, I don't really have any friends outside work."

"Really? No boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

I shake my head, grimacing at the turn in conversation, just missing the slight darkening in his eyes as he looks me over once more.

"Huh. That surprises me."

Lifting an eyebrow, I look across at him.

"Why?"

He shrugs, making eye contact with me.

"Well, you seem like the person who wouldn't struggle to make friends. You're kind, funny, pretty. You know how to behave in the right situations, you're a good friend to have." He clarifies, seemingly unaware of the impact his words have on me, my heart throbbing as I listen to him, longing building up in me again.

"You think so?" I ask, not quite believing him.

"Yeah, I do." He frowns, looking over at me, "Why, don't you?"

I don't reply, knowing my answer well. He doesn't push it, observing me carefully, his gaze making me blush furiously.

"What'd you do to your hand?" The veteran suddenly asks, gesturing to my bandaged appendage.

"Hm? Oh, I just cut it on some glass back home." I inform him, flexing my hand a little, only to wince at the sharp spike of pain.

Wordlessly, Barney reaches across and takes my hand in his, his touch setting off sparks through me despite the gentle nature of it. Pulling my arm closer to him, he runs his fingers lightly over my skin, the rough calluses rubbing over the palm of my hand, each stroke making it harder for me to fight off the rising need within me. Being this close to him, able to smell him in nearly every surface around me, feeling his hand on mine has sparked the feelings I've been suppressing as long as I've worked with him.

Awkwardly, I pull away, swallowing tightly, trying to suppress the urges I'm suddenly feeling, needing to get myself together again. He doesn't stop me, his dark eyes regarding me quietly, observant as always as he seemingly considers something, his gaze sliding over me once more. After a moment, he puts out his cigar, leaning back in his seat.

"Mind doing me a favour?" The muscular man cocks his head at me, a small smirk playing at his lips.

"Er, sure? What do you need?" I agree hesitantly, knowing that expression means only one thing: he's got something up his sleeve.

"Check that control panel up there, would you? It's been giving me trouble for weeks." Barney's eyes are glittering now in the dim light, clearly up to something.

"What, now?" I frown, confused by the instruction.

"If you wouldn't mind."

Lifting an eyebrow, I place my beer down and get to my feet, awkwardly reaching up to check the panel, which just so happens to be right above his head. I try to keep my body from leaning across him too much, but this is made difficult when I realise that the particular problem lies in the switches even further over. As I go to flick them, a pair of hands takes hold of my waist, suddenly yanking me down towards the chair.

Yelping in surprise, I feel my eyes widen as Barney pulls me down onto his lap, hands tight on my hips, pressing my back flush against his chest. His nose instantly finds my neck, the older man nudging at my skin until I tilt my head to give him access, goosebumps spreading across my skin as I try to process what the hell is happening, my brain short-circuiting with every one of his breaths. They fan out over the sensitive area, my own hitching in my throat as his scruff scratches over my skin, his lips not quite touching me yet, though I can feel their every movement.

I try to get back up, unwillingly, only for him to loop one of his arms around my front and slip his hand under my shirt, flattening his palm on my stomach to hold me against him.

"I'm not blind, you know, (Y/n). I've seen the way you look at me, the way you behave differently when you're with me. You're not as subtle as you hope." Barney practically purrs into my skin, his smirk obvious against my neck, sending shivers down my spine as I try not to groan.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about, sir." I manage out, not quite catching the sound of anticipation that escapes me when he suddenly presses his lips against my ear, whispering into it.

"Really? I think you know very well what I'm talking about." He grins to himself, the hand on my stomach running down to ghost over the waistband of my jeans, my body tensing in his grip, "Want me to demonstrate for you?

#the expendables #The expendables imagine #Barney Ross #Barney Ross x reader #Barney Ross imagine #Sylvester Stallone

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serenityseventeen · 3 years

Text

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Third Letter

-----------------

To: Hong Jisoo/Joshua

From: Y/N

To Joshua,

this is a letter for you, confessing my true feelings because I can't do it in person and I never will.

I also want to apologize for overhearing what you said a few hours ago. I don't know if it was sincere or if you just wanted to make an excuse and hide your feelings. Don't worry, I'm not thinking that you did the second one. I believe that you truly don't like me back the way I like you. I truly believe that you told your friend that with full sincerity. You denied it when he asked, “Do you like Y/N?” because you don't like me in that way.

Honestly, when I heard that from my bedroom window, I was heartbroken. Of course, that's because I just found out the guy I was beginning to fall in love with didn't like me the same way. I didn't cry, just sat in the corner of my bed, in the dark, listening to sad songs.

“Do you like Y/N?”

You chuckled and I can picture you covering your mouth habitually.

“Y/N? Why do you ask?”

“I'm just curious.”

“Well, you two hang out a lot lately.”

“No, I don't like Y/N like that.”

The conversation is still fresh in my mind.

Joshua, hope that we can still be friends. I hope that we can still be neighbors. I know that you're a good person inside and out, Joshua. If I can't love you in the way I do, I won't love you at all. I don't want to ruin the neighbor-friend relationship we have even if I want more than that. You're a great guy and I mean that.

I still have the shirt you gave me but I've stuffed it behind my closet so that I won't have any traces of you. I want to stop my feelings for you as quickly as possible because I know, I would still have to face you, talk with you, and see you. If I can't tuck away these feelings, I'll fall deep. I just want someone to come into my life and take me away from you. That's how much I liked you, Joshua.

I want to ask you, am I being too obvious with my feelings? Are my insecurities showing to you? When you see me, can you tell that my heart is jumping because of you? Joshua, I think you're aware of how I feel but you're just not accepting it because you don't want to hurt me, am I right?

That shirt that you gave me, I can't just return it to you out of the blue, it's probably too strange, right? If I did, you would realize that something was up with me. I can't let that happen now so I'm writing you this letter.

I think about the day we both had our first interaction a lot. It was the week after your family moved into the house next to mine. You were watering the flowers in the front yard and got distracted by a bird. I remember, as I was walking by your house to my bus stop at the corner of the block, I caught a glance of you waving to a common brown bird.

Thinking about this meeting made me laugh. I didn't know I would meet a person in this kind of way but apparently, I met you like this. Just one second after I turned on my music and plugged my left ear, water just splashed on me! For some reason, I wasn't angry, I was just flustered and a bit amused.

I froze in the middle of the sidewalk and when I turned to you, I guess I looked intimidating? You bowed so many times and kept on repeating your apology.

Of course, you didn't know that you looked so cute while bowing and apologizing.

I guess you told your mom about it while expressing how sorry you were. When I came back home from school, your mother confronted me to give me some food. I don't know if you knew about this but she told me that she was sorry for you getting me wet this morning.

The next day, you came up to me with the shirt, continuing to apologize. I think that sparked our friendship. Soon, we were inviting each other over for a barbeque. Your family and my family were both small so I guess it felt like we were just one big family having dinner, cooking outdoors. It makes me feel guilty for thinking of you like that but was I able to help it? No, not really.

Gosh... Am I writing too much? It's not like we did much together. We talked a lot. You talked with me a lot. You also helped me whenever I was having a hard time with schoolwork. At first, you seemed like a mature and gentleman type of guy but the closer we grew made me realize that you're a bit playful too. That's a quality of yours, Joshua. To me, it seemed like our personalities fit perfectly.

Of course, you don't see it that way though. I was probably just a friend that helped you get used to the area. I think I was able to tell you just about everything because you were so trustworthy. You were just a friend I was desperate to keep but that desperation led me to grow feelings for you. In time, I'll get used to it.

There were times aside from when we talk that made me fall for you. To you, I'm probably nothing more than a sibling-like neighbor. Do you treat me like a sibling because we both have none?

Sometimes, you would fix my hair for me, tucking a strand behind my ear. Sometimes you would pat my shoulder and compliment me, saying that I looked good. You always remind me to be careful. You always remember things about me that I don't.

Sometimes you would joke around, saying I had something behind my ear, or in my hair, and then you'd give me a flower. I noticed your love for grass because of that.

Why are you such a warm, gentle, and kind guy? You've only fed me sweet moments.

Even your warm smile is always stuck in my mind. Do you know how much comfort I receive from your smile? Whenever I look into your twinkling eyes, I always feel my heart skip a beat. The sun seems to always be on your side, making you glow.

Do you know that whenever you're focused on creating bracelets and stuff, you look handsome? I don't want to sound like a fangirl, but I think you look attractive when you're focused. Plus, you create each bracelet with so much care and sincerity that it makes me wonder when I'll get one. They are all so pretty.

I also want to ask this.

Gizzy. Who is she to you?

I first met her when I was going to your house to return a cup that your mother gave me. Gizzy was standing there with her twin brother and she asked me who I was. At that moment, I knew what kind of person she was. You seem to be friends with her twin but she always tags along to your house.

Joshua, I don't know if you can tell, but she's not right for you. I know that you know she likes you, but please, whatever it is, don't date her. If you do fall for a girl like her, I'll be questioning myself all year long.

I'm deciding not to love you anymore but I'm not writing this piece of advice out of jealousy. You two are truly a bad match. I don't want her to change you. Once she does get you, she's going to make you distance yourself from me. I can tell. She doesn't like me and I don't like her either.

I'm sure you know yourself better, Joshua.

That's just a piece of advice that I'm scared to say to you. Maybe one day I'll tell you to not date her. For now, I'm going to stay silent and act as if I don't have any opinions. I don't want to distance us and since you're my neighbor, I especially don't want to make you angry.

I also noticed that you don't get angry easily, which makes me think that you're scary when you're angry. You seem so angelic that I can follow you to the deepest ends of the world, giving you my whole trust. Even if you do get extremely angry at me one day, enough to yell at me, I will still trust you fully. I can trust you with my hand when on the edge of a cliff.

You did get slightly angry at me a few times and whenever I think of those moments, my heart still beats nervously.

I remember once when you were extra sensitive and I accidentally provoked you by continuously asking how you were feeling and you sort of snapped at me. I don't blame you though because that day, I must have been annoying, worrying about you too much and getting too much into your business. The feeling... It was a bit shocking.

After that, you could tell by my expression that I was shocked and you apologized, saying you didn't feel well. I apologized too but whenever I thought of that time, I would feel my heart grow heavy, even though you had patted my head that day.

Joshua, I hope that you can find someone good for you. It won't be me or Gizzy. Find someone that you truly love.

I hope we can still be friends because you're a really great, amazing person. I hope that we can still be friends, neighbors, continue having our barbeques and family gatherings. I'm determined to fall out of love with you so that I can see you as a brother-like neighbor. I want to have that kind of close relationship.

Let's be good friends and neighbors.

You won't even know I ever liked you.

I hope you'll just think that way.

Your friend and neighbor,

Y/N.

-----------------

6/19/21 - 5:48 pm

a/n: A few days ago, I powered off my phone since the keyboard was laggy (it does that whenever I copy and paste too much) and it had to go through a factory data reset, which meant I lost all my data since I don't use an SD card... I had to redownload everything, including apps, music, etc. THANK GOD I moved all my writing to my Google drive. Sigh, I wanted to write but I had to redo everything and I lost all of my plot ideas for my requests...

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getitinbusan · 4 years

Text

When your cheating ex calls months later will you answer?

Jungkook

Cheating, Heartbreak, Angst and Sex

You were just about to fall asleep when your phone went off. With an exasperated sigh you rolled over wondering which of your friends was in need. You moved for the device a little annoyed but felt obligated to answer, after all, they'd been there for you no questions asked during the break up.

The screen lit up "DO NOT ANSWER" and your heart dropped. You'd once read that it was a good idea to rename your ex in your phone so you wouldn't feel temptation to communicate but that was months ago. You made the fatal mistake of not deleting his contact picture and now here he was showing up on your screen. He never did try and call, this was the first time you were faced with the decision of answering.

Setting your phone down you pulled the covers over your head and tried to block it out of your mind. A single notification pinged through your duvet and bounced around your head before you surrendered. With a mind of its own your hand snuck out of your blanket fort and picked up the cold device

JK: Please Y/N, I really need you right now.

Y/N: Why are you doing this to me Jungkook? I'm finally getting over you.

JK: I'm selfish and I'm stupid but I'm also the loneliest I've ever been in my life. Our apartment is so empty, I haven't been able to sleep in our bed since you left.

Y/N: I'm not the one who left Jungkook. You seem to forget that you checked out of this relationship before I packed my boxes.

JK: Can I please just see you?

JK: Please

JK:

Y/N: Are you really crying right now?

JK: I haven't stopped since…. Fuck, I know you hate me, its killing me. Please just let me apologize in person

You knew it was the wrong choice, seeing him was just going to rip your heart in two again.

Y/N: Send a fucking car

The door man greeted you with a closed mouth smile and a nod. Embarrassment creeped through your being whenever people looked at you with pity, "I'll let Mr. Jeon know you're here."

Meeting you at the elevator he looked a mess. He'd lost some muscle and his skin was pale, his sunken eyes were red and tired. Reaching out to hug you, he thought better and instead jammed his firsts into the pockets of his worn grey track pants. He was wearing a T-shirt and you were forced to observe his tattoos like a fucking train wreck. They were like a banner, there written across the body you once worshiped, saying, "I fucked someone else."

He noticed you looking at his arm and ran his hand over it, "I guess you haven't seen them yet." He proudly held it out for you. You felt sick to your stomach, "Yeah, I don't really want to look at them Jungkook. You could at least have the decency to put on a fucking sweater or something."

He was puzzled by your reaction but reached for his flannel button down hanging off the back of the couch anyway. The tears came immediately, you needed to make him understand what he'd done. You sobbed his name, "Jungkook, how am I supposed to look at you when her writing is all over you in permanent ink?"

He dropped to his knees looking up at you pleading, "But you have to, look at me Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. What can I do? I'll do anything to fix this."

The ache that had tormented your heart returned stronger than ever. "How am I supposed to trust you? You told me you were going to Geoje Island to hike Gyeryongsan Park. I didn't question you, I didn't ask you not to go, I wasn't a bad girlfriend Jungkook, I just fucking loved you. All I've been able to do for months is try to figure out how I screwed up… but I didn't, you did. Now you have the nerve to ask ME how to fix it?"

You crumpled to the floor beside him crying uncontrollably, he was devastated finally seeing the effect his actions had on you.

"I'm going to fix this, I'm going to put us back together," picking you up he carried you over to the couch and held you against his chest. You were both crying but the comfort of his heartbeat thrumming through you brought you a peace you'd missed so much.

"All my life I've trained hard, I've done what I was told, I followed the rules and I've had to act as "Jungkook" the idol. The truth is, I don't know who Jeong-guk is. During the break I wasn't under the microscope, I just got to do what I felt like doing, and honestly, it felt really good. I hiked Gyeryongsan with my brother and we met a group of people, they were from the tattoo shop. I decided to just do it… because I wanted to. It took a few days so we got to know them, drank with them, ate with them, they just felt like friends." He paused his story sensing your agitation.

"Did you think of me at all Guk?" Your heart was racing, anger creeping back in as you remembered seeing the pictures online. "We don't get to be seen in public, we don't get to hold hands, we don't get to go out to eat. Why was it okay with her?"

He took a deep breath, "I could because she wasn't you… because I didn't care, because I wanted to see what would happen" He put his fingers in your hair and brushed it out of your face, "I can't with you, I need to protect you, I need to keep you safe and out of the spotlight so you don't get hurt. The fans can be really mean, I honestly don't know what I'd do if the people I am so grateful for turned on the person I love the most."

You let your fingers fan out over his chest, just getting to touch him again made your heart race. You didn't want to get sucked back in but here you were, his words were believable and you even felt a little bad for him. He placed his hand on top of yours, his tattoos demanding your attention "Why didn't you talk to me? You just let me go, let me believe what I saw."

You traced the outline of the heart with your fingertip and you felt a tear land on your face as he leaned over you. "I was just trying to figure out who I was, I didn't think you'd love ME, especially after what you saw and heard. When we were in New Zealand I did a lot of reflecting, even though I'm struggling to know who I am, I'm less of that person without you. You not only make me more of the man I want to be, you put up with who I have to be." He kissed your forehead and you understood.

"Guk…I'm so tired, take me to bed." He let out an audible sigh of relief knowing that you were willing to move forward with him.

Raising your arms over your head he pulled your shirt off your body and replaced it gently with one of his oversized T-shirts. Turning down the sheets you crawled in, it felt like your mind could finally have a rest. Sure that your doubts and sadness would come back, at least for tonight, they had been defeated. He wrapped his arms around you as you both gave in to months of mental exhaustion, sleep conquering sadness, hope turning into dreams that once again dared to reveal themselves.

The sunlight danced on your eyelids, the scent of Jungkook heavy in the air, you must be dreaming. Afraid to open your eyes, afraid it wouldn't be real you felt his hand on your waist and you couldn't help but smile. He knew you were awake, nuzzling into your neck he whispered, "It feels like heaven having you back."

Turning to him you placed your hand on his cheek, "My head is telling me to go but I really want to be here, please make me stay."

Leaning in he kissed you, god it felt good. You'd blocked out every memory of the pleasure you'd once shared but with one kiss they came flooding back and you wanted him so badly inside of you.

Roughly you kissed him and began tugging off his clothes. Pulling his shirt over his head the sight of his tattoos fueled an aggression in you to take back what was yours. "Tell me you love me Jungkook," you growled as his cock hardened in your hand.

"I love you," he panted back, "I fucking love you more than anything."

He sucked your nipple into his mouth as you straddled him sinking down onto his eager dick. Both of you moaning you continued your assault, maybe you could fuck the pain away, "Did she make you feel this fucking good?"

Like you weighed nothing he immediately flipped you onto your back, laying over top of you he stared frozen.

"Stop, just…stop….I didn't fuck her, I didn't do anything with her… I need you to believe that." He was crying, "please believe me"

You did, maybe it was naive but in that moment you really did. Holding his face you let your lips ghost over his, "I believe you."

Taking control he moved slowly, deliberately, entering you while not breaking his lips away from yours. He rolled his hips deep into a rhythm that rubbed perfectly inside of you and you were lost. The pleasure elevated by his admissions of love and desire for you as he called your name and moaned in time with his motions.

The raw feelings like electricity heightened your desire, as you let go you cried aloud clenching around him as you both came. "You're so beautiful giving yourself to me, I don't deserve you," he was so emotional, you'd never seen him like this.

Laying together coming down from the high of passion, life did what it always does, the adrenaline had worn off and the truth came creeping back in. Unsure of what may or may not have happened it was a betrayal nonetheless. Trust had been lost, lies told and promises were broken. Where did you go from here?

He lay beside you stroking your hair with a small content grin on his face and you ran you hand over his chest, fingertips across his collar bone and skimming down his arm. The words on his skin screamed at you and sadness draped over you like a blanket of darkness. Noticing the wetness gathering on his chest, he sat up to see the tears quietly fall down your cheeks. Leaning over he retrieved his long sleeve shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head. "I hope one day you can look at me and it won't hurt. My arms are supposed to protect you and comfort you not make you sad."

You rolled over to face him, " I hope so too."

#jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jeon jungguk #jungkook smut #Jungkook #Kookie #Nochu #Angst #Cheating #jungkook boyfriend #boyfriend jungkook #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x oc #Bts

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80s-roger · 5 years

Text

EX - Roger Taylor {pt 6}

click here for the previous chapters!

word count 2,3k

your opinion really matters to me!

new chapter soon!

on with the story!

studio 6:34 pm

"So she agreed?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, she had no other choice." Roger nodded while setting the drums up.

"Well, fingers crossed he won't do anything until the conference. It's the day after tomorrow." Brian said while taking a sip of his tea.

"I know right Brian. If he does though? He will definitely say that Y/N cheated on me. This is how it will be presented at the press. He will definitely hide himself, won't he? All he wants to do, is embarrass her." Roger said in despair.

"He will hide himself. He's not that stupid to expose himself. But he's the one who will sell the tape. Suspicions will go to him anyways..." Brian thought.

"I bet he knows some guys there. Or else he'd be already exposed." Roger grabbed the drums sticks, playing with them nervously.

Suddenly, Deaky came inside the lounge. He was carrying some papers. New song.

"Are you talking about y/n or the new single?" He asked.

"Y/N's issue is more interesting than the upcoming album. You know we hate disco." Brian explained.

"I understand that y/n's and Roger's life will be at risk for sometime but it will be forgotten. However, according to the new album, it's a new vibe Freddie and I wanted to invest in. It's fifty fifty so disco gets in and you have no other choice but play." Deaky smiled and gave them the score and the lyrics of Backchat.

"What the hell is this, are you dissing me?" Brian asked after reading the lyrics.

"That's your idea." Roger mocked him while smoking and Brian looked at both of them annoyed.

"John come on, you don't really mean all this, do you?" Brian asked confused. Deaky raised his eyebrow. "Damn you John. I'm forced to play your diss track about me? And I have a guitar solo?" He acted insanely.

"I'm sorry Brian, we are a band. We should start playing it." Deaky smiled.

"Fine, I won't use my red special. Neither at the future music video." The three of them stood up. "But where's Freddie?" He asked.

"He is outside, talking on the phone." Deaky said pointing at the exit.

"I'll go tell him we're starting." Roger said and exited the lounge room.

Accidentally Roger, misheard Freddie's conversation with a press guy. Possibly, a photographer. Roger had to eavesdrop. The issue seemed familiar with his personal life.

"He sold an uncensored video? To whom?" He asked shocked. Roger knew it was over. "At your company? Today?" Freddie sounded upset. "Fuck..." He groaned. "How am I supposed to tell him? Did he give any personal details of him?" Roger had to step in. He wanted to know.

"Freddie who are you talking to?" He asked furious. Freddie made him the hang on a minute gesture.

"Do we have much time left? Until the day after tomorrow?" He asked. "Hmm... I see. I have a recording now. We'll talk again, darling. Thanks for letting me know." Freddie hang up the phone, facing Roger.

"Who was it?" Roger asked. "I'm not playing games Freddie." He turned red.

"Wow darling, relax. It was a friend of mine, who works at the press magazines. There was Derek at his office a quarter ago, giving a tape and saying that there's Roger Taylor's girlfriend in there." Freddie had to say the truth, what he was exactly been told.

"Fucking fuck..." Roger moaned, pulling his hair.

"My friend unfortunately wasn't alone at the time he received it, but with a paparazzi, editing the photos for tomorrow's issue. Which means..." He moved his head disappointed.

"They saw the video oh my god. My baby's out there getting watched. I can't stand the idea of her-" Roger covered his head and Freddie pulled him closer.

"Hey darling it's okay, it's okay... He'll try to delay it. The good thing is, he didn't give personal informations. Which means you can invade, saying it was you." He tried to calmed him down but it wouldn't help.

"How much?" Roger asked furious. "How much did he sell it?" He was afraid.

"He sold the tape a hundred thousand, saying it will be the scandal of the year. The drummer's girlfriend with a guy." Freddie said.

"My future fiance doesn't deserve to be sold like a whore around the world." Roger tightened his fists.

"Fiance?" Fred asked eager.

"I want to marry her in the near future. But I want to be engaged at first. I kind of mentioned it during our morning fight but the words flew like the wind. She probably doesn't want to get married." Roger stared at the ground.

"Rog, are you serious? She is dying for it. You have no idea how many times she's told me that." Freddie eagerly said, waiting to walk the church's stairs soon.

"Fine. I'll find a way to propose to her. I hope we won't fight again. We literally didn't see each other yesterday for an entire day. She was mad at me, nonetheless, you know.. I was at her place by midnight and she wasn't mad at me anymore. You get it?" Roger giggled.

"That girl has such a fierce temperament. Tell me it happened the way she likes it at least. Make my pal satisfied." Freddie jokes and Roger wanted to be honest with him.

"What has she told you? She never really told me how she likes it." Roger tried to recall if you ever told him about it.

"Oh darling she looks so innocent at the outside but she's so wild at the bedroom. Hasn't she told you she likes it rough?" Freddie whispered.

"Jesus Fred, we're talking about my girl."Roger's eyes got wide. "Yeah it was rough." He coughed, trying to hide the clear sentence.

"Guys what are you doing so long? It's been ages! We have the diss track ready!" John yelled from the studio.

"On our way!" Freddie yelled back and they both walked towards the studio room. "That's my favourite couple, working hard. But I can't accept the fact you fought again this morning." He teased Roger and everyone was finally at their position.

Time passed fast until the recording was done for today and the boys were about to leave the studio.

"Wanna catch up at the pub two blocks from here?" Brian asked. "I can't believe I played for a diss track about me. I need to forget it." He added and everyone in the room laughed.

"Sure, let's do this." John agreed.

"Yes darlings, count me in." Fred said too. "Roger?" He asked. The blonde, was thinking it for a long before answering.

"Not this time... I have to go over y/n's, it's hard now. I will join you another time." He eventually refused but the boys could show compassion.

Roger drove over your apartment. He saw the lights turned off, which caused him wonder if you left. He used the elevator to reach the forth floor and finally he was standing in front of your door, knocking it patiently. You opened the door a minute later, with your eyes almost closed. However, you knew it would be Roger because that's the usual time he comes home. Home. You don't live together yet, but he's always at your place. It was 11 pm, you were so tired to stay awake and wait for him.

"Hey, come in..." You said while yawning.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you up. My keys for your home are at mine's." He apologised and closed the door for you. He didn't forget to kiss you.

He followed you to your bedroom, you instantly laid yourself back in your bed, waiting for your man to lay too. He removed his clothes, staying at his boxer.

"I missed you." He said when he made himself comfortable at your bed.

"Missed you too..." You said while trying to get your sleep back.

"What time did you fall asleep?" He asked and placed his one hand behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

"An hour ago. It was exhausting today. He got me running like a fool outside the company. I believe he did that on purpose." You were saying without being easily understood, since your mouth was placed at the pillow. However, he could clearly hear you because he was focusing on your voice.

"If he fires you, I'll take care of you. I want to get engaged with you." He suddenly said and your head popped up from the pillows like a pop corn.

"Are you serious?" You asked losing your sleep. "A- are you doing it on purpose?" You asked.

"Of course not. I just don't want to call you a girlfriend anymore. I want you to be my fiance. And later my wife." He smiled at you, you felt the butterflies in your stomach making a huge party.

"Oh my God baby, I love you so much... That's wonderful of you to say!" You teared a bit and he hugged you.

"I love you too and everything we're going through is just temporary. Focus on our future happiness love." He kissed you and both got the spoon position, as usual, you were the little spoon. "I bloody love you. I don't even know what I'd do without you." He confessed to your ear.

"Probably sleeping with chicks, like I would do too." You cynically said.

"Ay babe, you don't want to start this, do you?" He teased you.

"No I don't, because I'm sleepy..." you yawned and he kissed your neck gently.

"It's dark and I can still see some marks from last night. Better cover them for tomorrow." he said while looking at your neck.

"I've been knew Roger. They were there since last night. Goodnight..." You covered yourself with the mattress, dreaming the day he'd propose you.

the next day

You woke up by the sound of your phone ringing at the living room. It wasn't even eight yet... You were scared or tried to stay calm thinking it would be Freddie asking for Roger, who was sleeping next to you with his leg crossing yours and his hand wrapped around your chest. You had to move him without giving any shit if he'd be awaken.

"Shit Roger, I have to pick it up." You made fast moves and he woke up. You looked at him, staring at you with terror, like he knew what the phone call was about. He got out of the bed, following you outside. "Yeah, don't follow me around like I'm a poodle." You told him when he stood behind you.

"Well I need to know who's on your phone." he frantically said, totally awakened by now.

"Don't get paranoid, Rog..." you said. "It must be Fred, asking for you." you tried to joke yourself too.

"Fine, just pick it up!" He said annoyed and you finally did it.

"Hello?" You answered. "Good morning Freddie. You want Roger?" You asked Fred while looking at your boyfriend.

"Y/N the sex tape is leaked. The press knows everything but the guy. Derek couldn't say it was him or anybody else. Just... Just calm down okay?" His voice was trembling and so were your legs. You locked eyes with Roger who was staring at you with his eyes wide opened.

"Oh my fucking God..." You murmured and you covered your mouth with your hands. Roger came closer to you, knowing exactly what the phone call was for.

"Y/N it will be over, our conference is tomorrow, we'll cover it!" Freddie tried to reassured you.

"How the hell can you cover a video which is out to the public right now? My life is fucking ruined right now! I won't go at my work today! You know why? Because I'm fucking fired! They warned me, no more photos of me at the magazines or I am fired! Now not only are there pictures of me out there but a video of a drunk y/n, getting fucked!" You screamed at the mic, in which Fred could excellently hear you crying. Roger grabbed the phone from your hands.

"Fred I will be late today or not even come there. Okay? Bye." Roger hang up and held you in his arms while the tears were streaming down your face. You both sat at the floor, he was holding you so tight, trying to take away a little of your sadness. "Just let it out baby... Cry..." He caressed your cheeks and moving hair tufts behind your ears.

"This is all so fucked up Roger..." You said while crying your heart out.

"I know it is, just cry as long as you want... I understand and I won't leave you today if you want to." he said with his rhaspy and gentle voice, while holding you inside his arms, with no any gap between you. "I love you." He whispered in your ear and you shivered.

"I won't leave this house until it's over..." you looked at him and he whipped your tears.

"No, you can leave the house, paps will meet you out there and I'll be more than satisfied if you raise them a middle finger." He encouraged you, trying to make you laugh a bit.

"I already ruined your public figure, what are you talking about?" You said insecure.

"I want a cutie pie between family and friends, a savage out there and a bad girl with me." he teased you and you finally smiled. "Fucking ignore them Y/N please... I promise you it will be forgotten." he promised to you and you really wanted to believe him.

"What about tomorrow?" You asked.

"They'll prefer making questions about the tape instead of our upcoming album trust me. I'll take care of it." you both nodded your heads and just stayed there for like an hour, hugging, waiting for you to calm down.

taglist: @rogxtaylor @bohemiansweede @queendrumah

#borhap #joe mazzello #queen band #john deacon #rami malek #freddie mercury #ben hardy x female reader #ben hardy x you #ben hardy #roger taylor x y/n #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor #rogerina #imagine #fanfic #brian may #gwilym lee smut

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mylovelysanshine · 5 years

Text

lonely; jung wooyoung [2]

"lonely my heart."

in which, jung wooyoung made you feel lonely.

g: angSt aNGST ANGST

inspired by sistar's lonely.

[1] | [2]

sleeping beside the love of your life for a night was a dream for you, with him having a busy schedule. it was hard for you not to be with him all the time as you were too used recieving love and affection from him back then. but that was the past, he started to treat you as if you were nothing. he didnt bother to wake you up nor wait for you to wake up so he could have his morning together with you.

oh how you wish you could have those moments with him again.

you woke up feeling your hands touching the empty side of the bed, expecting to have him beside you. slowly opening your eyes, you saw no one by your side. you sat up and stretch your body before going out from your room, just to see wooyoung getting ready to go out.

wooyoung? where are you going?

work he replied, so short and so cold

but arent you tired? didnt you came back home late? i bet you slept around 2-3 hours..but if you're really that busy then its fine..oh! have you eaten? let me make for-

shut up, y/n. shut up!

and that was the turning point for you.

why do you care so much about my well being??? why does it matter to you?!

tears started to form in your eyes as he continues

can you at least stop being so clingy for me?? like at least once?! im getting annoyed with you and your daily needs of attention from me, do you understan-

d-does my worriesome bother you so much, wooyoung?

wooyoung stopped, anger still consuming him. you didnt understand why he was so angry with you, you really dont. all you did was like how a normal girlfriend should do.

wooyoung, i-i get it, you're tired but im tired too. do you know i've been waiting for you every night so i could have time with you? knowing that you will have work early in the morning again and again and again?

you choked on your tears, trying not to cry.

did you know that yesterday was our anniversary together and you promised me to bring me out but that didnt happen! because you were busy and i understand that! i didnt complain at all! but inside of me was hoping that you could bring me out somewhere even if its not yesterday!

but i guess you forgot afterall huh? because you were so "busy" with your schedule, right? busy hanging out with the side chick of yours.

wooyoung was about to deny the fact that he wasnt hanging out with any chick when he actually is but you cut him off.

i know, wooyoung. i know you were seeing some girl after i realised you were treating me like shit and the kiss we had, you taste like cherry. i never use cherry, i hate cherry.

he closed his mouth, guilt started to crash in. he looked down, unable to look at you because you know that he felt out of love and cheated on you behind your back.

...i-i just want you to love me again, is it too much to ask?

you whispered, thinking that he's unable to hear but he did and his heart broke into pieces. he looked up, staring at you. you're crying. he then took a step forward, arms spread as he tried to apologise to you in actions.

but you flinch, stepping back as you gave him the stare he would never wished to look at.

the stare that was filled with anger and disgust.

dont touch me.

y-y/n, im sor-

you turn around, not even bothering to look at him nor listening to him. you had enough.

dont bother apologising, its too late now.

but-

get out.

and with that, you walked away. walking towards your shared room and slam the door shut, locking it so he wont come in. wooyoung stared off into distance, tears rolling on his cheeks as he tries to find the words to talk to you but he was too late. you broke up with him because of him, because of how he treated you so coldly and how he had cheated on you.

later that night, wooyoung found himself in the bar with his chick again. he was lost in thoughts, wondering how could he apologise to you and hoping that you wont leave him.

baby, are you okay? the girl tilted her head, looking at him.

he only hum, having no energy to respond as he looks at his phone. no messages from you or your calls, until he tried to message you.

this user has blocked your phone number

he got up from his seat, startling the girl that was clinging on him. the girl eyed him, confused of why he was acting so weird today. she was about to ask him but wooyoung left the bar quickly, leaving the girl alone.

w-wooyoung!

please dont leave me, now

wooyoung open the door of your shared apartment. the lights were off, everything were off. he doesnt feel your presence here.

please

he took off his shoes and ran towards the room that you locked yourself in. he opens it, expecting the door to be locked but it didnt. he also didnt expect for you to leave. his eyes started to water.

y-y/n???

no answers.

he looked around, everything was well organised so organised that it made his stomach churn. you are not that type to clean the whole room because you're a lazy person and wooyoung knows that. he knows everything about you.

he went to the closet, opening it and saw nothing execpt for his clothes. your clothes were supposed to be there. he even saw the gifts that he gave you on the study table when he was in love with you, all those polaroids taken together, the written letters for you, your favourite hoodie of his and the sun necklace that he gave you when he celebrated your birthday. he gripped the necklace that he was wearing, it was a moon necklace. you were his sun and he was your moon, both of you loved eachother but too bad it didnt last.

like both of you promised to.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍

promise that we will be together until we die? you ask, looking at the necklace and back to him before making a pinky finger.

wooyoung gave you a peck, nodding his head and locked his pinky with yours.

i promise.

so naive.

wooyoung fell down on the floor, not caring if he was in pain. he cried, cried so hard because of how stupid he was. treating you like a garbage when he supposed to treat you like you were his queen but he was so stupid enough to see another woman behind your back, just because he was bored of you. if you were here seeing him in this state, still in love with him, you would cry with him too because you loved him but its nothing to you anymore because you're not here and he broke your heart.

he stared at the floor, trying to calm himself down as he saw a bright pink notebook laying under the study chair and he took it. it was your diary, you must forgotten to bring it with you. he opened the book and flip it thoroughly, reading your thoughts that was written in the book. he saw a picture of the both of you, he smiles a little as he reads how much you dearly love him back then. he flip and flip until he stopped, eyes starting to water again as he begins to read.

with time,

everything will be forgotten

and so will you

that's what's really sad

now, wooyoung finally relates how you felt when he was gone. he finally feels lonely.

a/n: ah, i feel like there's too many dialouges in this and i think that im overdoing it:/ but this is it! part 2 of lonely! i hope that my atiny readers will enjoy this!! please give me feedbacks so i can improve more! thank you🙇🏾‍♀️ more future works to come so make sure to follow me hehe:D

okay i feel like this is shitndhsjdxjsj

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hellscookies · 5 years

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Thing about dreams is they slip through your hands too fast. If you dont actively hold on to them and store them fast, they're gone forever. I think you can learn a lot about what's going on in your life by writing them out.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

I think I'm going to start posting my recent dreams/nightmares for therapeutical value from time to time. I'm sorry for anyone trying to make sense of them, or my writing, as I'm usually still waking up as I write them out.

🌜Backache Fueled Nightmare🌛

Where: Sitting at the park with a friend against a concrete "square" with "vents"- I think it's proly air filtration system that attaches from/ to the high school (or a neighbouring ?elementary school)where I'm a student.

When: Highschool, which was many moons ago for me, but oddly enough it feels like I never left in this dream.

What and Who and not really a why: Said friend and I smoke a joint and have a good conversation. Both of us venting about school politics. Although we both note that we're feeling invisible today, there are many people at the park right now doing their own thing. There are no adults around to worry about as we hang out. Many kids are in groups, or cliques, but there are also others that are on their own, studying, or reading, or just with their headphones on, and then there are others in pairs like us. There is even a pimple faced couple making out on the bench in front of us 🤯

I stand up and ask my friend to wait there for me because we have so much more to talk about, but that I need to go back into the school to use the washroom. I grab my bag, and as I get up from where we've been sitting, I notice she is one pack short of having a full carton of ciggies sticking out the top of her backpack. She says she'll wait for me, that I'm her ride or die.

What a coincidence that we both smoke the same brand of cigs and I've just bought a carton myself this a.m. and I have already dug into the first pack.

No wonder we are friends I think, and laugh, dismissing it.

I enter the school and out of laziness, I try to use the women's washroom attached to the school's faculty lounge.

No one ever goes in there after school, I should be good I think.

I'm immediately grabbed sternly by the arm by a creepy janitor. Pain shoots through my right arm. Annoyed, I tell him that stings! He does not even try to apologize, he says students are strickly not permitted in the faculty lounge. I notice the lounge is full of teachers and staff. I can see there is a huge sheetcake(no cookies🥴) and coffee being passed around, and a lot of balding big bellied men, and older women wearing awful floral patterns and heavy makeup. Note to self...dont cake on that makeup(or the cake)when I get older. As I turn around to leave, he tells me again, and I roll my eyes but I dont argue. What a condescending prick. My tummy rumbles a bit. I decide to use the washroom on the second floor near my locker so I can grab the lunch I didn't even touch.

On my way, I think back to my friends carton of ciggies. Was it just a coincidence that she has the same brand of carton with only 1 pack gone? Is it possible she took mine? I've never doubted her loyalty. She's always been so trustworthy, so I quickly dismiss the thought with a lol.

I'm so caught up in these thoughts, I accidentally open the door to the boys bathroom and as Im about to go in, some dude follows in behind me. I say, omg is this the boys washroom? He says oh yeah and I say something about it being a rhetorical question. The dude has such a pretty face and a huge head of hair that I almost mistake him for being a girl. The hairy legs give it away.

I turn around and go into the girls washroom. Every stall has a mirror in it. I pick the stall at the very end of the room hoping it will shelter me with the most amount of privacy. I need to check my bag for that carton of ciggies. Sighing, I find it exactly where it's supposed to be. I silently wish I could be a better friend, but it's so hard to trust people. I use the toilet, apply some lip gloss and high tail it out of the school.

With my doubts about my friend behind me, I hope she's waited for me because a good half an hour must have gone by! Funny thing is I knew she'd be there.

With a sense of relief, I see her sitting on the same cement block where I left her, smoking a cigarette and listening to her ipod. She has a journal out and seems to be sketching something quite seriously. She tucks it away quickly tho when she notices me walking up. I place my bag on the opposite side of us against the concrete wall and light up a ciggie. I sit down next to her with her backpack lodged between us. I notice her carton is now a couple packs lighter.

I'm more interested in her sketch, so I don't ask her about it right away. What was she sketching anyways? She's hesitant, but shows me the drawing and it's really incredible and I tell her so. She's sketched the couple making out from earlier, who are now no longer there. She says she wonders if she'll die a virgin.

Proly got themselves a room I say, and we laugh.

There is some small talk as we decide where to go from here because we've been here long enough - we already spend half our lives at school and it's the weekend. Although there are still some people in the park, most have left. I get this creepy feeling like we are being watched. I tell her about it and she says she feels the same way. She admits that she put her headphones on after I left because she swore she heard someone laughing behind her, but when she turned around to look, no one was there. I ask her now what happened to her carton of cigs? I feel a bee sting pain on my hip as she notices her smokes have disappeared. She's really upset. As she's saying something about how stupid she is, and that someone's upped them, I look over to my bag on the left and see a hand reach through the vent slits in the concrete wall we're sitting against. Everything moves in slow motion. In an absolute dream of a haze, I witness the hand eerily loop a finger around the strap of my phone and my phone disappears through the vent slit along with the fingers of that hand.

I now notice that my friend is sitting against solid concrete and that I've been sitting along the vent slits along with my bag. I know someone is behind me in those vents, but I feel like I'm pinned up against them and I can't move. I try to say something about it, but I choke and the words don't come out. I feel drugged. I am becoming instantly aware that I've been drugged with something very potent. Is this what heroin feels like? I try to reach my purse but I cannot extend my arm or even move from where I'm sitting. The hand appears again and this time it pulls my wallet from my bag. I'm screaming on the inside. Then the hand takes everything else-parts of my lunch, my keys, and then packs of ciggies while all the while my friend is still rambling on and staring out into space. I can't believe she doesnt see me and what is happening. I cannot believe NO ONE sees what is happening. I try with all my might to move away from there but I can't.

Strangely, and foreboding, I hear laughter and I am awake.

😱

#horror #cookies #selfie #lucid dreaming #dreams #dream #nightmare #purple #therapeutic #therapeuticwriting

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hyperfixus · 5 years

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OPEN YOUR EYES, HEART AND MIND

Open up. It’s good for you.

This post is a little different to the others I’ve written. This one isn’t just about my experiences. In light of May being Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month, and last week being Mental Health Awareness Week, I’ve asked for those around me who live with BPD to contribute to my blog with their own thoughts, feelings and experiences. I would like to say a big thank you to those who felt brave enough to open up to me and so many others about the intimate details of their lives. I hope this post can make others who live with BPD feel a little less alone. 🖤

***

ANONYMOUS

Well I'm not sure what you'd like to know. But I've seen the stigma first hand and have cared for my mum who has been totally consumed by BPD due to the death of her first child. When I was growing up and looking after her I wasn't told what was wrong with her. So when the symptoms got stronger and she'd lash out and say things she didn't mean it had a huge effect on me as I didn't understand why she would say things and act like she did. As soon as I learned from her what was actually going on it became way easier to process and forgive her because I knew it wasn't her, it was her illness. Awareness for the people around people with BPD is so important in creating balanced and healthy relationships without resentment, as it was so difficult when I was small and clueless so I feel like there should be way more support for not only the people with BPD, but for the families because the nature of BPD makes it difficult to communicate sometimes unless you can understand it!!

ANONYMOUS

So I got my diagnosis around a year ago after a suicide attempt, I wasn’t really shocked about the diagnosis as I had done so much research due to having friends with BPD also so it was almost a weight off my shoulders being diagnosed. After I got diagnosed me and my ex split up due to him not “being able to handle it” which was sucky but a blessing really as I met better people after him, people who were able to “handle” it. I think one of the worst parts about having BPD is not being able to differ what is my actual personality vs BPD traits, I try to not divide the two and think too much into it but I do always wonder what parts are me and what parts are the illness. Certain things I struggle with a lot are my reactions to things that are considered “normal” one of the biggest things for me is when someone reads my message and doesn’t respond, sometimes I’ll literally consider blocking the person from my life or sending them a whole paragraph as to why they are the worst person on the planet, even I know that’s so intense but I literally cannot help it and it really sucks as it has caused so many fallouts and arguments for me. Another thing is reckless behaviour such as the time I took out 6 credit cards and I’ve maxed them all out and now I’m in a whole load of debt lmao. My reckless behaviour currently is going out most nights a week getting so blackout drunk because I’m trying to just cover up the fact that I’m going through a really bad time mentally, one of my ex’s has really broken me and I know that’s what I’m trying to get through by doing stupid things, it’s annoying that I can recognise why I’m acting like this but I can’t stop it, it’s a repetitive cycle. I do hope one day I can just be content with my life and get off the meds and stop the self destructiveness but right now I’m so numb that self destruct is the only way I feel absolutely anything and that’s just sad. If you have friends/family who seem to have all the traits of a person with borderline personality disorder please be kind to them, don’t call them out for their behaviour because they will be struggling a lot more than you realise, I wish people had been kinder to me and not so judgemental when I did silly things. Borderline personality disorder is such a hard thing to diagnose and it sometimes takes way longer than it should to be diagnosed, I only got my diagnosis because I tried to kill myself and I don’t think that’s right at all it should not be that way.

ANONYMOUS

For me, being diagnosed with BPD was one of the happiest but also scariest moments of my life. I was 21 when i found out and always kind of knew it was more than just anxiety and depression that made me feel the way i did. Knowing what was actually wrong felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as it really just made me realise that I don’t have full control over my moods and emotions but there are still ways i can manage it and make life easier for myself. I don’t take medication anymore because i always felt like a zombie but honestly it is still difficult when your head moves faster than you can manage. Meditation helps me a lot, it was difficult to get into but even just trying to regulate my breathing and ground myself in times of stress has helped more than i ever thought it would. With BPD i think it’s important to just take things one at a time, i overthink a lot and that doesn’t help with being constantly overwhelmed, but learning to focus on the things i *can* deal with, rather than the “what if’s” is one of the biggest helps for me

BETHAN, 19, LIVERPOOL

I've had diagnosed bpd for like a year now, getting the help I've needed has been near impossible. I spent about a year and a half undiagnosed and having no idea what was wrong with me made my symptoms worse. I always found myself getting into dumb situations due to impullsiveness, ever since my diagnosis I've been able to handle myself a lot better :) I think something people need to realise is that clarity can really help with bpd and even though it's hard in the UK to get help it is out there

DALE, 24, CLACTON-ON-SEA

So I was only diagnosed with bpd this year, until that point I was always given the blanket term of depression and mixed anxiety. [My experiences since diagnosis have been] kinda difficult I guess I got comfortable living with the standard depression diagnosis and so to be diagnosed with BPD kinda of shook my boat so to speak. I mean my mum and dad both suffer from mental health issues my mum being bi polar and my dad having Paranoid Schizophrenia so I didnt come from the best genetic stock in the forms of mental health

EVIE, 20, DURHAM

Having BPD is both a blessing and a curse to me. It is a curse because I am constantly tormented with intrusive thoughts, irrational behaviours and extreme insecurity. I question everything and often find myself in difficult situations because of my fears, and acting out in anger. It is a curse because I am constantly terrified of being abandoned, and that the people around me don't love me, and secretly hate me. It is a curse because some days I cannot physically get out of bed, because I'm- because I'm so mentally exhausted from the aggressive thoughts plaguing my mind. It is a blessing because after 10 long traumatic years, I have the answers I was looking for, my family was looking for and my loved ones were looking for. It is a blessing because you will never meet anyone who loves you as much as I do. I feel, and I feel hard. And I embrace it. It is a blessing because although I deal with such an awful disorder, I am not what happened to me. And BPD does not define me.I am still worthy of love, and I always will be. I am Evie, not BPD.

#bpd #borderline #borderline personality disorder #borderline awareness #bpd awareness #bpd awareness month #mental health #mh #mental health blog #pma #positive mental attitude #self help #self care

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survivor-halsingland · 3 years

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Ep. 1: "There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance." - Amy

Amy

Initial reaction of cast reveal: I’m toast But for real this can go a couple of ways for me, none of which have me seeing myself make merge lol. I’m either going to be a very early boot here or be nice and active enough to solidify a place for a while. Lots of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Hopefully the people familiar with me won’t want to immediately vote me out. I have already mentioned to Derrick that I played with DeNara before, so hopefully we can bond over that and it not be used against me. I have explicitly asked Jared to not exclusively lie to me this go haha but we both said we were more playing for the other half of our duos and just agreed to do it. I was excited to see Blue on my tribe and I also know Leanne, and have already had a good chat with Klied - but his name does have “lie” in it 👀. Honestly I want to do a quick portion of divide and conquer, I planned on chilling in a pool tomorrow and going to drag bingo with Ava. But no one has solidly chosen anything so they are really about to force me to be tribe leader and sort this out. Things I look forward to: vibes, chatting with cool people, meeting people, twists, and drama Things I will not be doing: sitting on hours and hours of video calls. Not my style. But I know several people in this game love it. Let the good times roll y’all

Kenneth

HERE WE GO AGAIN! i'm fresh off of ingary, but jay has magic powers and pulled me in to another season of a potential clown fiesta <3 but seriously, this already seems a lot more enticing and spicy because of the theme in itself and how the challenges and idol hunt are structured so i am very excited to play :) i learned a lot about my last game and i will improve on it (hopefully) by taking more risks and plays that WILL be appreciated by the jury, and not be overly attached to people, which would result to tunnel vision. the first challenges are already pretty great, and i cannot wait to play this game. TO WIN! hehe >:)destiny i’m super confused about a lot of stuff tbh but everyone on my tribe is so nice and welcoming and i’m sure i’ll get the hang of it all soon :) i’m excited to be playing and just hoping i don’t screw things up for my tribe :/

AmyThis tribe is exhausting. Challenges where I need to send a photo back quickly really hate me. My phone took like a minute to actually send the photo, but Waldo went well. Except I started in the bottom right looking with vertical transects and Waldo was hiding in the bottom left 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Woulda been 30 seconds had I started over there. But I’m already expecting tribal so I’m just hoping I wasn’t the worst portion of our challenges haha!

Leanne

Not very much to share so far. Some people on this tribe are much bigger talkers than others, Jared, Derrick, Klied, and Amy. It’s been harder to get Convo from Jesse and Blue, and I’ve barely heard from Josh or Aubree. I wonder if other people have had the same experience. Haven’t dared try game talk with anyone yet. Hoping I’m not behind, but it’s only day 2 right? Maybe I’ll try to put some feelers out with Amy. Maybe I’ll tell her about some things in the idol hunt and see if she’ll give me anything in return, maybe try to get a partnership going. I’m glad she’s on my tribe, but also a little bit scared because I’ve seen exactly how good she is. Aside from that, the person I feel best about right now is Derrick. We’ve had some good chats and seem to connect well. Hope he feels the same way. And Moth. I’m especially nervous about them. When we played before we didn’t exactly hit it off, but I think we’re both… trying. I hope we can have a new start this time, a new story. And from what I know of them they are a very loyal allies so, here’s hoping. Also happy to see Sarah here, and my yinzer JG. Maybe he and my dad can bond over that? And that’s all I’ve got so far. God I hope I did enough in the challenge today. *whines* I don’t wanna go to tribal first!

Jared

Don't mind me making a confessional before the game even starts, call me a game changer. https://youtu.be/JFOxzamkcH8

Jared

Not one, but two, confessionals before the game even begins. Sorry not sorry! https://youtu.be/SETx-0LoI9E

Shawn

Well, things are going good so far! I think anyway. Although I like everyone on my team, I do have to say it's odd playing with someone whose older than my father is, Frank. Usually I like to take charge in games like this, I like to be the leader. Yet, with Frank, it's difficult because he's so much older, I feel like I'm a little kid around him. I don't wanna tell him what to do, because I don't wanna be disrespectful? I'm so excited so far though, absolutely loving the challenge and how we get to pick! Im not that bright so I'm happy I can do creative stuff.

Aubree

This is my first BvW confession! Idk about the other tribe, but the Mysa Tribe is super chill. Most of the conversations yesterday consisted of everyone saying hi and that they were busy and would be active later. Day 2 and the activity level is still the same, which is kind of a relief since I am much more of an introvert. I have been trying to be the first to reach out to people since I feel that is something I have struggled with in past ORGs I’ve played in. I’m usually the reserved/silently-strategic player, but I’m going to try and be more proactive for this game. Ive talked to Klied, Jared, Amy and Leanne a decent amount and have enjoyed our conversations. I know of Amy due to the games she has played with Sarah, so I am hoping that works in my favor. Amy did say that Sarah voted her out in the first game they played in, so that could work one of two ways for my game… like if it came down to a vote between me or Sarah later on?? but maybe it is too soon to think that far ahead? Lol Even though I’m an Art Teacher I chose to steer away from the Creative part to our first challenge. Tbh I’m so burnt out irl when it comes to being creative due to my job, so I’m okay with taking a step back from the creative challenges for now. I’ve enjoyed being a part of the Scavenger Hunt, even though it was a bit harder than expected. I was so stoked to have a Starry Night print, but since it wasn’t real it didn’t count… Like who the heck has a REAL VAN GOGH?? (Or quick access to one) LOL As much as I would LOVEEE to have an original painting, that teacher salary-bracket doesn’t allow for that!! Lol I haven’t had anyone directly ask to me to be in an alliance with them… so that is - interesting? I’m used to the last two games I played where it felt like everything was very paced. Now, It’s either A) everyone is just chillin’ and not wanting to rush things or B) bonds HAVE already started to form but I’m not a part of them? I guess things will spend up more after the first challenge is over and we see where our strengths and weaknesses are in the tribe. Until then! - Aubree

Moth

Hi!! I’m back again and playing with someone I know. I actually happen to be on call with Destiny as I type this but like- were vibing And also once again I’m starting off on the wrong foot, not at home when the game starts.

Moth

I don’t trust Jared Straight up And I feel like that’s fair- Twice I’ve been voted out for my connections to Kyoshi island and it’s really fucking frustrating- Jared apologized and sounded sincere but idk I trust people too easily.. Brayden, Denara, and Leanne are also all in this game All people I’ve played with Leanne I don’t trust right off the bat. I tried that before but like- that didn’t work for me. I just want to at least make it to the merge

Frank

Having fun, learning as I get going. Truly impressed by the comraderi among people whom I've never met. Old dogs, new tricks, this is cool.

Klied

The game is going pretty well so far! Everyone has been really nice and supportive of one another. I hope this tribe dynamic continues for the next rounds of the game! :>

Moth

I fucked it up I genuinely feel really bad because everyone’s so confident in me- And I’m totally going to be a target now

Moth

Ohhhhh thank god Thank god because I was absolutely going to be on the chopping block if we lost I don’t want to be first out That being said

I don’t want Destiny to be first out either

Shawn

I'm not very happy tonight with how things went. I truly believe the other team deserved the win, the video was creative and a lot of effort was put into it! I think it was a great thing. But I disappointed that we lost so many of the challenges. I'm also getting annoyed that people are being present on the chat. I feel like it's me and another tribe member that is putting in all the work. Not impressed, but whatever. I just really hope I don't get voted off tomorrow.

Kenneth

welp i bombed the where's waldo challenge and my team lost by a hair in the riddles challenge because of an advantage so rip. i really hope i don't get voted off first because i severely underperformed in the challenge akjdnsajkndkjsnd i'd be really disappointed in myself :/

Amy

Shocked. Absolutely shocked we aren't headed to tribal lol. And here I thought my 4 minutes on Waldo was too slow but it was enough. Honestly we are lucky Blue's quit disadvantage was only what it was bc they quit after 30 minutes apparently. All these advantages at play! And I'm sitting here with a disadvantage. I think I'm clearly doing the idol hunt wrong 😆 all I have is a disadvantage from poison feast food and a chipmunk named Wadsworth in my pocket. Based on how little anyone is speaking I was certain we'd be going to tribal hands down no question. So I am very, very happy we avoided it in the end. I think it would have been between Jessie and Josh though bc they aren't active. I would have voted Jessie bc Josh did the video even after saying he didn't actually want to do the creative part so that's major props to him in my book! I am very curious as to who the other tribe is going to vote off in the end. I hope it's no one I want to make it far. Oh basically I know I'm probably not making merge so I'm trying to align things to get certain people farther and get other people out. I'm rooting for a newbie to take it. Anyway woo day off and I won't be first boot. Fingers crossed it's not Ava. I wouldn't be surprised if she was targeted for her association with me. Love this game! Love this cast! Love the idol hunt! The reward challenge was the most fun bc Ava and I were incredibly intoxicated after Drag Bingo and we did better each time! The last one we went "office" and "turnip" and literally bust out laughing and both said "Nate". I would like to personally apologize to Ellie for having to witness that nonsense. Thank you to everyone! Oh one last thing. I did not want to work with jared at all but it looks like I am going to be forced to do so. I think I have to put trust in Jared and in Leanne who has voted me out of two games prior 😆 but that's me always just bonding most with the people who are active and want to talk to me.

Amy

There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance.

Aubree

Who won the first challenge?? MYSA DID! Woot woot! Even though Jared, Jessie and I didn’t win the Scavenger Hunt portion after the advantages were added in - we did win as far as how many total objects were found, so I’m pretty proud about that! To top it off Sarah and I won the Reward Challenge!!!! We both get 3 stat points to add to our Idol Hunt… which I have yet to do… I should probably do that tomorrow O_o

Avat

hings are going well i think!!! i've had a lot of fun and i sorta vibe with everyone so far on the tribe. i'm really hyped and fingers crossed we do well. i've been sorta inactive with my challenge bc of work but i'm doing what i can for now. more to come soon

DeNara

Well this is my first confessional of the game and oh my is this going to be an interesting game. Initial impressions of my tribe...... Sarah +Jodi- frenemies because they are so good at survivor Frank- I really like him. He seems like a cool dude Kenneth- Seems cool, I may want to work with him, but he seems to be playing harder than he should so early Brayden- Didn't get the best first impression, but that could change Shawn- Super quiet, then they started chatting so that helped Ava, J.G., Destiny- Really inactive so I don't really know- potential first vote I want to work with Sarah, Frank and maybe Kenneth. Jodi would be good to work with although who knows what she is thinking. Everyone else I will stay open to working with, but really don't care too much as of yet.

DeNara

The first challenge was weird because everyone just took their roles and stopped talking. I HATE QUIET. Period. The creative challenge on my tribe wasn't super creative imo, but they tried. I didn't help in the scavenger hunt as much as I wanted too so that sucks, but at least we won that part so that looks good. I am so excited for this idol hunt! It is amazing! Props to the hosts! WE LOST, DAMMIT. At least Derrick won't be the first boot. I hope I am not either or HE WILL NOT STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT AND I WILL DIE.

DeNara

Well it is chaos now. Shawn has made an alliance with Sarah, Kenneth, and myself. I like the safety of that. Jodi, Sarah and myself also made a Subrosa alliance (we all knew that would happen) and I feel like this will keep me safe for a while at least. Both Sarah and Jodi want to work with Brayden and potentially Kenneth so we may make an alliance of 5 with them- but that also means Sarah and I would have to talk to Kenneth about not telling Jodi about the other alliance and that could be very risky early on.... hmmm idk about that. Also, Frank is my dude. I hope he stays. I think I am going to lean towards J.G. or Destiny.

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQ

Kenneth

I am now in 2 alliances: one with denara, sarah, and shawn, and another one with ava and brayden! i feel good about both alliances, with the first one feeling solid and loyal (for now), and the second one for the long term! i feel very solid about sarah and denara, i feel like i can last long with them as my good allies. jodi's a tricky one, because i know she's a damn good player, but it's better to keep her on my side for now until an opportune time to make a move (and i actually really like talking to her!).

Jared

me: i'm gonna try to make this concise also me: 8 minutes on the very first episode where i'm not even going to tribal oh boy

Brayden

https://youtu.be/reALs2hizjk hey everyone I'm here

DeNara

So now I am in a bunch of alliances. I guided Kenneth to make an alliance chat with Sarah and me to tell us to keep our alliances with 1. Shawn and 2. Brayden and Jodi a secret. Insert evil laugh here lol. So all together right now I should have Sarah, Jodi, Kenneth, Brayden, Shawn and Frank backing me, so I shouldn't be first boot. It sounds like we are going for Destiny because they aren't very active, which was the name Kenneth threw out first so he is getting what he wants without upsetting me.

Ava

so so so bummed about going to tribal i thought we had it in the bag especially with our advantages but alas... i formed an alliance with brayden and kenneth which i'm super obsessed with i really like both of them - hopefully this means safety for tomorrow. i hate working two jobs and the week after next ill be working just one which is just so fucking sweet fingers crossed i can make it that long in this game. anyway that's all for now

Jodi

I'm so happy to be back. This time, I promise to play a chill Jodi game as I said in my intro, and I want to relax and enjoy this twist of a season. Jared and I are thrilled to play our second season together in the actual format of BvW, and we will be playing our own games. So far, I'm glad to have Denara, Sarah, Brayden on my tribe, as we all know each other but never played before (except Brayden). I want to keep an open mind and play fluidly. Kenneth told Brayden within 10 mins of the game starting that he was scared of me, but I hope I can gain the trust of people and not play as flashy as people remember me for. Looking forward to the connections I make!

Jodi

I promised y'all a chill Jodi game and here i am, delivering it. I think. DeNara and Sarah immediately made the "The Best of SubRosa" chat because obviously that was bound to happen, but additionally, the 3 of us are in an alliance with Brayden and Kenneth called "the clock" (because of our time zones ahahahaha). This game's dynamic is so different because even though we hate going to tribal, it also means that our loved ones are safe from tribal, which sometimes, could be better. I hope Jared is doing good on the other side. Obviously I trust Sarah and DeNara but I also know Sarah will cut my throat when it needs to happen, even if she gonna be crying while doing it, so I'll just...not be blinded by that. I trust Brayden 100%, Kenneth calling me scary is not great but I guess he rather be with me than against me, for now. Y'all Ingary kids what did you say about me??? LMAOO ♥️ I did ask him why he didn't cause ruckus at 5 and whip out the superidol and he said "tunnel vision". Hey that's two of us I guess!

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQJessie So I’m still working on making like connections and stuff but we won the first challenge so no tribal which is a very good thing . ❤️ I’m enjoying this interactive scavenger hunt and I’m totally not trying to pull a Danni from Midsommar lol.

Brayden

hey guys im in a 5 person alliance rn with jodi sarah denara and kenneth and i feel pretty good and excited bc i think ill win this whole game but sadly destiny is prob leaving tonight <\3

Derrick

First challenge done. We rocked it! I don't really have any sort of alliance at this point but I seem to be getting along with everyone. Josh didn't seem to put too much effort into our creative set up but it still worked out OK. It was unfortunate I was on my trip at the time as I could have done so much more with. I think as long as we support eachother we can rock every challenge that comes our way!joshIM SOO HAPPY WE WON! our tribe seems to be like friendly but i havent made any alliances i think so idk if im in a good spot if we lose a challenge but we didnt this time so🙃ShawnEveryone in the tribe is messaging about Destiny, and that is who everyone is thinking of voting off. I'm still thinking of voting Frank off, and I think that's who I'm going for. He's not good at technology, and this whole game is about technology! We lost the creative challenge because all we could do with him was write! Still, everyone thinks because Destiny isn't very active she should be the one to go. I'm not sure what I want to do. JGOh hey! Here we are round one. I feel so out of it playing this game. For the first time in a while, I barely know any of the other players. Which is refreshing and tough. I also feel like my social game is kind of lacking but that is kind of my brand for round 1. I have had some great one on one conversations with DeNara, Jodi, and Sarah. I've talked to Brayden and Kenneth as well a little bit less than the first three. Shawn and Ava, barely. Frank and Destiny not at all. The vote should be Destiny since we sadly lost. Which works for me. I feel the closest with DeNara and Sarah. Really hoping I can start to get my footing. If we were to lose again, Frank would probably go but I don't wanna put myself in the line of fire again. Well here's hoping things improve. Hopefully, I'm not blindsided. Here we go.blueMy tribe seems pretty cool so far, everyone is nice and seems pretty active so thats nice. Shawns going to tribal so I hope theyre gonna be safe :(((DeNara As far as I know, the vote is going to be Destiny. I feel bad for them for not getting the chance to play, and I feel really bad for Moth, they always have the worst luck in ORGs. That being said I sure hope nothing crazy happens tonight or I will cry 100% Tribal, here I come...AubreeThere is hardly any game talk (at least from where I’m standing), so I may start trying to get a feel of where people are at by asking some game-related questions in the tribe chat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal chit-chats… BUT I’m also feeling a bit empty-handed as far as knowing everyone’s game motives. Maybe I’m being too bold… idk. I’m not normally the one to standout in ORGs, so hopefully my tribe doesn’t take this as me prying… even though I guess I kinda am?? 😬 “Oof look at me being all dangerous and shit!” 😤🤘🏼😂blueSO here are more detailed thoughts on my tribe. Amy of course is a queen and a legend and we've played together before and have a good rapport. Leanne is so kind and so funny, and I would be super down for working with her. Jared is SO nice I get really good vibes and really enjoy talking to him. Aubree is also very nice and seems genuinely interested in my irrelevant stories 10/10 good vibes. Moth is dope as expected and turns out we have a lot of the same interests ie. witcher and the mcelroys very fun. The rest are yet to be determined.AmyI would like to start out by saying that Brayden's video during their tribal almost made me seasick thanks buddy. So today was a DAY. It was a day off and like I had a weird day at work lol 😆 and then I remembered there was the task of talking to people who h i slacked on today whoops sorry. But for half these people idk if they even noticed bc my tribe is so quiet. Did I already say I tried asking Jessie what their favorite berry was? Like that's how exhausting conversation has been most all around. I think I'm talking to Leanne, Derrick, and Jared the most. I am begging for bygones to be bygones. But anyway I was trying to do a little of the hunt throughout the day bc after seeing

all those advantages last go I was SHOCKED. Then at the end of work I made it to thevpart where I was talking to the grumpy sad flower crown man and after falling on my weak ass on a ladder I picked the lock with a bobbypin and charisma's him to make me a flower crown which got me to the maypole which had me do a scavenger hunt and I got an idol. Writing this all out is absolutely hilarious. But yeah I have an idolllllllllllllllllllll which I don't want to use anytime soon. But I have a feeling I'm going to struggle to make merge. Anyway I got this idol like directly after the other tribe finishing tribal and I love a funny timing like that. I'm glad Ava survived weee! And wow they have some very vocal tribe members haha I'm sure Denara and Jodi are working together which tracks bc I've been closest to both of them individually in prior games early on. Curious if it will stick. So next was rock paper scissors for which I have a 10% disadvantage which apparently applies to the overall tribe score ☠️ . I won my game against Brayden who was at seemingly a raging Big Brother watch party. Sorry buddy. But we've been chatting like he asked how josh was and I said Josh is great and really stepped up to the plate for the creative challenge even though it wasn't what he wanted and also he loves tom holland so I instantly trust him. Then he said everyone likes ava bc she's just so cool and yes I get it I am personally intimidated by how cool Ava is and I have to be around that cool level every day honestly I don't know why she talks to me but she's a badass. Anyyywayyyy he doesn't seem keen on actually talking game and I need to figure out if I need to just tell my tribe I have a disadvantage rn or be like what the fuck the other tribe is so mean to give me a disadvantage 😭 Anyway excited to explore the hunt some more and this game is so fun. If we go to tribal I think Jessie is most at risk tbh. Okay that's all bye ❤️

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