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#it's my mortal enemy it's my best friend it's my shoulder to cry on it's my fine china to throw against the wall
elftwink · 2 years
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the one fun thing about writing something longer than 10k or so words is once you get really frustrated with the specific part you’re working on and start being like ‘im a fraud im a sham ive never written anything’ you can just take a breather and scroll around 1000 words forward and be like. actually i’m so talented and cool and hot and this is going to be the best thing ever. this libreoffice document contains multitudes
#good idea generator#fic writing tag tba#yes this is about that fake married au i post about once every 3 months or so but never actually finish#sir thats my emotional support fic i started in 2019 that i'm most of the way finished with#but cannot for the life of me polish off the last few thousand words#but that document is always open. every day it's me and caleb widogast against the world#actually its me against caleb widowgast. writing from that man's perspective feels like wringing water from a rock sometimes#i do feel bad posting about this wip because its been. multiple years. and i don't want to continually give the impression#that i might post it Tomorrow. Soon. idfk that yknow especially given how everything has been in the last few years#but like also at this point it is hard to understate the emotional attachment i have to working on this fic and talking about it 2 myself#this thing is a monster. it has like six documents. varying stages of draft saved. alternate scenes documents. alternate perspective bits#multiple outlines. a playlist. a poem that fits it#most of the random npcs who exist to move the plot along got full backstories to the point where i could play them as dnd pcs#it's the longest work of fiction ive ever written. bc ive been working on it on and off for so long a lot of milestones#were completed while writing this fic. idk its been so long its almost embarrassing to be like 'still working on it'#but i couldn't give it up if i tried. you know. this fic is like a lover to me. it is my everything#it's my mortal enemy it's my best friend it's my shoulder to cry on it's my fine china to throw against the wall#i escape to it. i need to escape from it. i'm tortured by it. its tortured by me. i bemoan it day in and day out#i wish id never started writing it. i wish i could experience writing it all again. i want to be done yesterday. i never want to finish#etc. you get the picture
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izzielizzie · 10 months
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Izzie’s One of Us is Back Celebration (Day 8)
natewyn parent trap au: chapter 5
(chapter one)
(chapter two)
(chapter three)
(chapter four)
story under the cut
“Bye Uncle Kris,” Ali says, reaching up to give her uncle a hug on the last day of camp.
“Bye Ali. Try not to get hit by wiffle balls, okay?”
Ali laughs. “Okay.”
She pulls away to hug Phoebe next. Finally, she circles around to Ellen, who’s standing apart from the group, biting her lip with her duffle bag in her hand. “There you are,” Ellen says, turning to her sister. “Are we really doing this?”
“Well, it was your idea,” Ali points out. 
“I know, I know, but what if Dad doesn’t like me?”
Ali puts a hand on Ellen’s shoulder. “Hey. You’re pretending to be me. There’s no way he couldn’t like you.”
Ellen narrows her eyes. “I feel like there was an insult in there somewhere.”
“There was,” Ali reassures her. “Oh and here, my jacket.” Ali reluctantly holds out her leather motorcycle jacket. Ellen reaches for it, but Ali pulls her arm back. “Promise you’ll take care of it?”
“Of course,” Ellen promises, reaching for it again. 
“And you won’t drop it on the ground or rip it or anything?”
Ellen sighs. “Ali, please, I’m twelve I know how to take care of jackets.”
Ali sighs. “Okay I know but this is really hard for me.”
“You’re not giving up your firstborn, would you relax?”
Ali knows Ellen is right, so hands it over. “Okay and you remember everything? Like how-”
“Ali please I’m nervous as it is. I don’t need to hear about your best friend Ben on vacation in Florida and your mortal enemy Jane that lives down the street.”
“Other way around.”
“Which one?”
Before Ali can respond, Ellen catches sight of her aunt waving at her. “Oh gosh I think Dad’s here. Okay, okay, goodbye Ali.”
Ali grins at her nervous twin. “Bye El,” she says, pulling her sister into a tight hug. The girls switch their luggage, and Ellen’s off. 
She sprints across the grass to her aunt, who’s waiting with a duffle bag at her feet. Ellen stops short, staring at the bag. “Are you… going somewhere?” Ellen knows that usually Aunt Maeve stays for a week after the camp ends to “close up shop” as Uncle Luis says. 
“Yes, you silly girl. I’m going with you!” 
Ellen knits her eyebrows together. “But… won’t Dad get suspicious? Ali didn’t know who you were when camp started.”
“And your dad still thinks that she —you— doesn’t know. I’m just coming as a friend of your father’s. Because we were friends. For a very long time.”
Ellen smiles, joy radiating through her now that she knows that her cover won’t be blown. “I didn’t know that.”
“Oh yeah. We got along like a house on f—” Aunt Maeve is cut off by the sound of a motorcycle approaching them. They both turn towards the noise, and soon a vintage bike revs towards them, coming to a stop just before it would barrel into Aunt Maeve. The driver climbs off the bike and pulls his helmet off at the same time, revealing a man with dark hair and blue eyes. 
Ellen turns to her aunt, asking a silent question. Maeve nods in response, and that’s all it takes for Ellen to dive into the driver’s arms — her father’s arms. Her dad hugs her back instantly, holding her tightly. To Ellen’s surprise, she feels tears in her eyes. Her dad pulls away and notices the tears. 
“Hey, kiddo. What’s wrong?”
Ellen can’t believe her ears. For the first time in her life, her father is talking to her. She’s so overcome by emotion that it takes her a few tries to speak. “Nothing.” She shakes her head. “I’m just so happy to see you. It feels like it’s been forever.”
Her dad looks between her and Maeve. Slowly, he grins his famous Macauley grin, and it nearly makes Ellen cry harder, because it’s her smile. The one that she sees in the mirror every day. Without knowing it, she had carried a part of her father with her everywhere. Ellen mimics the smile. She hugs him tighter. 
“I’ve missed you too honey. 
Ellen’s never ridden a motorcycle before, but she loves it instantly. The drive back to her father’s house is an hour long, and she was given the option of driving with Maeve in her car, but she politely turned it down. She wants to spend as much time as possible with her father. 
When Nate finally slows his motorcycle outside of his house, Ellen is instantly enamored by what she sees. Ali had done an impressive job of describing the little bungalow Nate and Ali call home: it’s a turquoise color with one story, an airy sunroom sandwiched between two gables, each with porches that wrap around to the backyard. There are plants hanging from hooks placed above the porches, along with neatly kept flower beds. A stone path leads to the back yard, and Ellen can’t wait to explore. She already adores this little house more than her penthouse at home — there’s so much more space!
Ellen climbs off the motorcycle when Nate parks it, and he turns around and helps her take the helmet on her head off. He does a double take when it comes off to reveal her short hair. “You got a haircut?” he asks her. 
Oh. Right. Ellen had nearly forgotten that Ali had started camp with long hair. She nods. “Yes. I thought it was time to cut it.”
Nate smiles. “It looks good. I like it.” 
“Thanks!” She presses herself against his side — there’s no such thing as too many hugs after all — and allows herself to be led inside the house and straight into the living room. Ellen hadn’t thought it possible, but the interior of the house is even more wonderful than the exterior. The room she’s in is bright and sunny, with white walls, mismatched furniture, knotted rugs, and low coffee tables that are piled high with books, board games, and interesting looking coasters. The TV is mounted against the wall, and below it is a little bookcase filled with a wide array of books and topped with a hodgepodge of books, keys, envelopes, and nicknacks. Ellen catches sight of a terrarium with a bearded dragon (Stan II) sitting on a rock. To her left she catches sight of a cat’s tail as it slinks out of the room.
“Inky!” she says with delight, happy to remember the cat’s name.
“Yep, Inky. And right now she’s sulking because you left,” Nate says. 
“Cats tend to do that,” Maeve says from behind them. Both father and daughter startle. Evidently, they had forgotten she was there.
“Do you have a cat, Maeve?” Ellen asks. She knows the answer, of course, since she adores the Santos’ dog, but it seems like an appropriate question for Ali to ask.
“Nope, just a very excitable golden retriever.”
Nate laughs at that and shrugs off his jacket at the same time. “I thought you didn’t like dogs?”
Maeve rolls her eyes. “Luis convinced me.”
It’s odd for Ellen to see her aunt conversing easily with her father. It feels like she’s watching a conversation between her mother and aunt, and she feels a pang of loss. She could have had all this for her entire life. Before she can dwell on this for too long, she’s being led to her room — Ali’s room — by her father so she can unpack.
“Wow,” Ellen says when she enters Ali’s room. It’s so incredibly Ali. The walls are a pale blue, and there’s a yellow desk in the corner of the room. Posters of soccer players and pictures of Ali and her friends are plastered on the walls in a haphazard manner that Ellen’s mother would never have allowed. Instead of looking thrown together, it actually looks good. There’s another knotted rug on the floor, and a white dresser that’s had stars and moons painted onto it. 
“What?” Nate asks. “Is something wrong?”
“Hmm?” Ellen asks, mentally kicking herself for the slip up. “Oh, no, it’s just really nice to be home.”
Nate grins and ruffles Ellen’s short hair. “It’s nice to have you back, Al.”
Ellen’s bag is tossed onto her bed and opened, but before she can start putting things away, she notices the quilt that’s neatly folded at the end of the bed. She picks it up, and with a start realizes that she has a matching one at home that had been gifted to her by Aunt Maeve.
Tears prick at her eyes as she looks up and watches her father methodically transfer t-shirts from the bag into a dresser drawer. Even though she’s had Aunt Maeve for her whole life, she can’t help but feel emotional at the fact that Ali missed out. All she has from their aunt is one little blanket when she could have had train rides to New York City, camping trips, restaurant visits, and outings to Maeve’s favorite café in New Haven. 
Ellen catches sight of her dad looking at her closely. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Nate looks unconvinced, but he shakes it off. “Okay, well, why don’t we go for a drive?”
They’re in Maeve’s car this time, since she insisted that trying to stick close to a motorcycle in an SUV is easier said than done. Nate gives directions to a bustling downtown, and has Maeve park in front of an ice cream parlor. 
Ellen freezes when she realizes that her dad is taking her for ice cream. Clearly, she and Ali forgot to talk about allergies, because Ellen has a terrible dairy allergy. She hopes her worry isn’t evident as they stand in line and she reads the menu, because if it is then Nate will ask her what’s wrong again and she may accidentally tell the truth.
Thankfully, there are a couple sorbet options on the menu, and when Nate asks for her order when they’re a couple people away from the front of the line, she says, “probably a sorbet.”
“Sorbet?” Nate asks. “You hate sorbet, Ali.”
Another thing Ali forgot to tell Ellen. Ellen scrambles for an explanation. “Oh. Yeah but I had some at camp. It was pretty good. I really liked the strawberry flavor.”
Nate stares at Ellen in shock as she stands on her toes to read the menu better. He’s about to say “but you’re allergic to strawberries,” when he sees the way Maeve is looking at his daughter. There’s something almost… maternal about it. And he thinks of the way his daughter started crying when she saw him, and how unfamiliar she seemed with her own bedroom. 
He catches Maeve’s eye, and mouths a name he hadn’t dared think of for years and years. “Ellen?”
There are instantly tears in her eyes, and she gives him a small nod. Nate feels like he’s been punched in the gut, and he doesn’t know how to react for a moment. But when the shock fades he turns to Maeve in a panic. 
“She’s with Bronwyn,” Maeve mouths, knowing instantly who Nate was thinking of. Relief pours through him, and he can finally turn back to his daughter — Ellen! — and hug her properly. She’s startled for a moment, but she hugs him back with all her might. 
“I love you, Ali.”
“I love you too Dad.”
Later that night, when Ellen is about to go to bed, Aunt Maeve enters her room, a phone in her hand. It’s the landline that Ellen had spotted earlier with much interest. Her mother doesn’t have a landline phone at home. 
“Phone for you, El,” she whispers. Nate and Maeve had decided earlier that they were going to let Ellen believe that she’s doing a good job as Ali. 
“Thanks,” she says. 
“Ellen? Ellen?” Ali’s frantic voice says over the phone.
“Oh my god Ali! Dad is amazing! And your house is amazing and your room is amazing and —”
“ELLEN!” Ali whisper-shouts. 
“What?”
“Mom’s getting married!”
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seokmatthewz · 11 months
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mutuals appreciation! write heart-felt messages to some of your mutuals (or even ones you haven't talked to yet!) and tag them, BUT don't tell them which message is their, let them guess! after you're done, send this to 1 mutual you want to get a message from!
oh god okay this is very nice and sweet in theory KLDSLD but tragically i am perhaps the person with the most anxiety in the world ever and not telling people which message is for who for whatever reason feels like it would probably kill me so i think instead i will write some silly little notes for my mutuals but tag them directly or else i may die KLFCDSL sorry i cannot play the game properly i am not built like that kldskddsfkl but thank u nonetheless!!!! <3<3
@berryjaellie millie my lovely dearest fairytual who i adore and keep in my pocket it has been a joy interacting with u more thru twt these days be it to bicker or yell loudly or pester u abt matthew or hanbin as always i perpetually hope we can continue to interact more ily mwah!! thank u so much for sending me random little raccoon vids and associating me with cute things that i do not deserve u r so dear 2 me <3
@winxys paula my fucked up little meow meow there is nobody on this website who i would enjoy being the mortal enemy of more (even though with every passing day it seems like we are becoming 🤢friends🤢) as we continue to lose our minds over bbangiz crumbs and whatever onlyoneof are doing at most points in time. i know things have been rough for you lately and i really do hope they get better! here's to hoping zb1 don't debut with noise !!
@chwejongho i am not sure if u use tumblr at all lately (i believe u dont much) but it wld feel deeply wrong and incorrect to leave u off of one of these kaz dearest my boy my best friend my platonic soulmate u have put up with so much from me in these past few months (not to mention these past few years we've been friends) because i am a nuisance who never shuts up so thank you so much for putting up with my hours worth of instagram voice messages about how i was worried about matthew during boys planet even though you didn't watch the show i very much appreciate that you are always a shoulder to cry on for me no matter what the circumstance, be it me being overdramatic about a man i don't know personally or something much more serious. i appreciate you so much no matter how much or little we are talking at any given moment and i am forever wishing you the best no matter what. i love you so much!!
@hyvnsuk gabi my fellow haotual i do not have a ton to say here but i am incredibly amused every single time we have a same brain moment these days it's so fun and cute dslsdfk you're always a joy to have on the dash and your content is so pretty!! i hope ur always doing well mwah!!
@jjanguri rin dearest!! i hope the air quality has improved where u are !! u r so sweet and wonderful and i hope we can interact more soon!!! mwah!!
@haob1n lovely maria!! thank u for all the sweet comments you leave in the tags of my gifsets i do not deserve ur kindness and i am so incredibly overjoyed every time u call me a matthew stan pillar (or something along those lines) KDSSKLD mwah i hope u are always well!!
@zeroze hope!!!! ik we have not interacted much but it is always so fun to briefly goof around w u in the replies of an ask u are so sweet and funny!!! i rlly hope we can talk more soon <3<3
also to all my zerosetuals in general pls feel free 2 chat with me!! i wld love 2 make some zerose friends hehe
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ofglories · 3 months
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REFLECT - althur :)
|| Send Reflect for a traumatic event in my muse's life ; accepting!
The valley had once been a place of peace.
Long ago there had been a river that ran through it, though time and human hands had eventually changed its course across the land. In its place it left behind fertile soil, drawing in farmers from across the land to take advantage of the perfect conditions for their crops and livestock. The verdant fields and orchards, dotted with herds of cattle and flocks of sheep had been the pride of his kingdom.
A place more beautiful than any to be found in the other parts of Britain.
Not even Rheged had been able to boast such a place.
But now...
The green fields were trampled into the mud, watered with rain and blood. What remained of the orchards would never return to the acres they had once spanned, a practical forest of fruit trees now lost to war. A small relief had been the farmers taking their herds and families to safety before either army had arrived, given forewarning by messengers both on foot and by air. But it didn't make the sight of the torched remnants of the houses, barns, and villages any easier to stomach. Something he'd quietly confided in Bedivere earlier before the day's battle had truly begun.
Arthur sidestepped, dodging a blow aimed for his side.
Armor or no, it wouldn't do to be careless when battling Romans. That was something he had learned from experience. Dodge, swing, block, parry, thrust. It almost felt like a dance, were it not for the way his lungs and shoulders ached. The strain of this battle that had gone now for several days all over a valley that the Romans had already rendered a waste. There was no strategic importance to it. No major roads went through the farmlands and to even reach it one would have to take several detours to get to it.
It was just something to crush to draw Arthur out.
This was something he knew already.
Still the battle raged on, even as Arthur pressed through the enemy ranks. He'd lost sight of Kay and Bedivere somewhere in the mess, the two promising to be careful.
And then...
"Kay! No!"
The sound of Bedivere's cry cut Arthur to the core. The icy spike of dread he'd been feeling all day becoming akin to a blade in his heart. There was no time. He snarled at the soldiers blocking his path, magic channeling through him into Excalibur. A blast of wind, enhanced by the holy sword's own natural magic, carved a way through by force, flinging enemy soldiers to either side.
Another shout from Bedivere was all he could hear over his heart pounding in his ears, the pain evident in the pitch.
What awaited him was the thing of nightmares.
'No no nonono please please don't let this be true,' he begged in his mind, eyes wide with horror at the sight of his older brother slumped on the ground, blood staining the front of his armor and the grass beneath him. Kay was still, far too still. Arthur knew with only a glance that it was too late.
Something was cracking inside of him.
Choking back tears, he turned, casting his eyes around for- there!
"Bedi!!" Arthur screamed, sprinting to the site where his best oldest, dearest, most beloved, friend lay on the grass. The tall, redhaired man standing over him didn't even register in the king's mind as he dropped to his knees, hauling the older man into his arms.
There was no denying that the wound Bedivere had sustained was mortal.
With a strangled sob he cupped the other man's face, blinking away tears to properly meet those emerald eyes he adored so much. Hazy with pain and bloodloss as they were, Bedivere still forced a smile even as tears stained his own face. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. Arthur was supposed to keep him safe, to keep both of them safe. He shouldn't have allowed either Kay or Bedi to join him on the battlefield, he decided.
"I-I'm sorry, Arthur... I-I didn't..." Bedi mumbled, blood spilling over his chin as he gasped.
It was a nightmare.
One Arthur desperately wished he could wake from.
"Don't apologize, you're going to be fine!" A lie. A desperate, pleading lie to any god that would listen to make it come true. For the horrific gaping wound in the other man's chest to miraculously heal before his eyes.
The cracks were getting worse, almost audible like ice shattering beneath a boot as the owner of his heart struggled to keep breathing.
"I thought...th-there would be more time f-for us," the whispered confession made Arthur's heart break, the tears falling freely now as Bedi forced himself to speak his last words. "A-Arthur, I... I..."
It wasn't enough.
"...Bedi...?"
Bedivere was gone.
Kay was gone.
Arthur felt the edges of his vision going dark, Lucius Tiberius was saying something. But his enemy's voice sounded muted, like trying to listen underwater. His breathing grew strained, hands shaking as he gripped Bedivere's body tightly against his chest.
Something had broken and there was only anger and hate and despair.
Slowly he laid his beloved down, gripping Excalibur in his hand as he stood. The ever-present glow around the blade shifted, though he took little notice of it. All he cared about was destroying the person who had ripped away two of the people most important to his life. His brother who had always been there. And his dearest friend who he had loved his entire life. Arthur raised his head, baring his teeth at Lucius Tiberius.
He would kill him. Destroy him so nothing remained. Wipe his presence off the world like the stain he was.
He didn't know then that that was the moment he became more dragon than human.
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yandere-daydreams · 3 years
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Title: Karma.
Pairing: Yandere!Xiao/Reader (Genshin Impact).
Word Count:  2.1k.
TW: Imprisonment, Mentions of Kidnapping, Codependence, Possessive Mindsets, Non-Consensual Touching, Physical Abuse, Slight Victim-Blaming.
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Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Xiao knew that this was what he deserved.
This, all of it, everything. Whatever the world had to throw at him, all the things he’d earned over centuries of bloodshed and death and guilt that grew more crippling with each passing day. He’d come to terms with that, and if he was being honest with himself, he might admit that he was growing numb to the pain, that despite his distaste, violence didn’t seem as utterly unpalatable as it used to. He wasn’t thankful for it, he didn’t want it, but he was resigned, apathetic, too used to it to care the way he used to, when fighting left him as battered as his enemies. He'd grown accustomed to it. He’d adapted.
He just wasn’t used to this. A new sort of discomfort. A different kind of pain.
He just wasn’t used to you being the source of his karmic suffering, whether or not you realized it was quite that poetic.
He’d earned it. He knew that. He’d earned every part of his current punishment – your glare, your locked jaw, the unadulterated loathing that emanated off of you in waves, unignorable from the moment he shrugged open the heavy, wooden door to his crowded room on the inn’s top floor. He’d managed to stave off the urge to use chains, ropes, anything more solid and more restraining than an idle threat and a locked door, but you were smart enough to stay balled up in the furthest corner, your knees pulled into your chest and your eyes on the floor, narrowed with an intensity he’d only ever seen in demons, moments before their deaths. It hurt him to see, the stance too defensive not to be learned, but it was better than the alternative. He’d caught you on the balcony, once or twice, leaning over the railing or admiring the view, and…
You could’ve slipped. You could’ve tried to jump. He shouldn’t have lost his temper, but you shouldn’t have been so reckless. It’d been dangerous, even you were still too naïve to see that.
Xiao grit his teeth, shaking his head as he forced himself to focus on the matter at-hand. You didn’t move as he approached, only shrinking further into yourself, becoming something small, something timid, a form of passive resistance you’ve perfected, in the weeks since you last put up a real fight. If he was feeling any less patient, he might’ve resorted to less honorable methods, throwing you over his shoulder and dragging you through his routine of self-indulgence despite your attempts to struggle against him. He’d tried it before, broken his own promises countless times, but it was almost never worth the way you’d cry afterwards, like he’d hurt you, like he’d done anything wrong. Like you could expect him to do anything less, when you were determined to be so stubborn.
So, instead, he tried talking. Talking was more peaceful. He didn’t like talking, but you did, and he was trying to be more considerate of what you liked. “I’m back.”
He waited, but there was no response. That was fine. He was fine. He couldn’t say he’d never given you a reason to ignore him. “You’re not reading,” He tried, again, fighting to keep his voice even. You tended to flinch, whenever he got too loud. “It’d be a better use of your time than sulking around, like this.”
You didn’t look at him, your voice muffled by your self-made haven. “You keep burning my books.”
Burning? That sounded like something he would do, as an act of precaution or anger or the same petty vengeance creatures so far beneath him were so prone to. It’d probably been one of the anthologies you were so fond of – folklore hiding under the guise of real history. Usually, he didn’t pay it much mind, the liberal retellings of events no living mortal could possibly be old enough to have witnessed, but he didn’t care for it when you found value in such trash. Stories about the Adepti were far too common in Liyue literature, and you’d always been the type to ask questions, to try to pry your way into subjects you could never hope to comprehend. It was better to eliminate the problem entirely. That was how he’d survived for so long, among humans -- terminating issues before they could arise.
But, you wouldn’t understand that. And even if you did, it wouldn’t do anything to heal the wound he’d already created.
He was beginning to think nothing he tried would ever be enough to mend your anger, not when you were so content to tear at the stitching yourself.
“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” He wasn’t sure if he had, but you didn’t correct him, only squaring your shoulders, digging your nails into your legs, going even further to block him out, push him away, isolate yourself and leave him to suffer for your insubordination. Xiao rolled his eyes, scowling to himself, but whatever irritation he could summon was quickly replaced by his exhaustion, that perpetual desire to fall into your arms and have you welcome him willingly, lovingly, the way you used to before he decided he had to ruin it. He was tempted to touch you, to reach out, to cup your cheek or wrap an arm around you or draw you close by force, rather than natural attraction, but he thought better of it, crouching by your side, instead, letting his back hit the wall with a heavy thud.
When he opened his mouth, his tongue felt heavier, his throat hoarse. Like the weight of his conscious had found yet another way to make itself known. “You hate me.”
It was a fact, like the color of the sky or the scent of the air before a storm. It was true, both of you already knew that, but you were kind enough to hesitate, lifting you head just high enough to see him. For him to see you, tiny and terrified. A trembling rabbit that knew better than to hope for mercy from a hawk. “I do.”
It stung more than it had any right to. “And there’s nothing I can do make you stop hating me.”
You laughed, at that, the sound breathy and sardonic, melodic and unabashed, akin to bird songs and wind chimes and every other beautiful thing Xiao could think of, even in its most beaten down state. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to deafen himself because he knew nothing would ever be half as lovely as that laugh, but you were talking before he could act on the impulse. That was for the best, really. Acting on impulse was what got him into this, and he wasn’t eager to drive you away any further. “I don’t have any other choice,” You started, your tone light, your anger softened into something playful. The kind of tender rage only you were capable of. “If I could choose not to hate you, I would. You were my friend, and if I could find any way to justify your actions, you’d still be my friend. I don’t want to think of you as anything else.” You paused, letting out a deep breath, relaxing slightly. Xiao couldn’t bring himself to celebrate the small victory. “I don’t want to hate you, but I have to. You see that, right? After everything you’ve done to me, I have to hate you.”
He deserved this, and you deserved to say it. He deserved to have his heart broken, crushed and shattered in his chest, and you deserved to be the one to break it. “I don’t want you to hate me, either.” It felt more intimate than it should’ve, a confession rather than common knowledge. You might’ve teased him for it, months ago, smiled and said something about softening him up. Now, your frown only deepened. “But, I need to do this. Your safety comes first. If something ever happened to you, I’d—”
Even in his own mind, his logic faltered. ‘If something ever happened to you’, like he hadn’t already done more damage than any monster ever could. It might’ve been more redeemable if he was honest, if he admitted he was doing this for himself, because he wanted to, because just for an hour, a minute, a few key seconds, he was idiotic enough to think he deserved to have you, permanently, whether or not you wanted to have him.
But, he couldn’t say that. He didn’t know how. His mouth wouldn’t form the right words, so he was left to say the wrong ones, his tone taking a sharp turn towards hostile as he spoke. “The door isn’t locked. I’m not keeping you here. You can leave, if you’re really that miserable.”
You shifted, and Xiao’s throat went dry. He knew the answer, and yet, it still hurt to hear it in your voice, to know you were capable of inflicting such insufferable pain. “If I try to, will you let me?”
He wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t even tell himself he’d try. He’d hunt you down to the ends of Teyvat if he had to, spend the rest of his immortality finding you and making sure you never had the chance to do something so short-sighted again. He could make the guilt more bearable, promising himself he’d take care of you, that since he couldn’t do away with the cage entirely, he’d do his best to make your prison a comfortable one, but you’d still be unhappy, you’d still hate him. He’d hate himself, too, but that might be the one aspect of your relationship he thought he could stand. If nothing else, Xiao didn’t make himself a stranger to self-loathing.
“I love you,” He mumbled, as if that counted for anything. “So much. More than you could possibly understand.”
“I know.” You were the one to bridge the gap, this time, a hesitant hand coming to rest over his. Something in his chest tightened, and for a moment, Xiao had to wonder if it was possible for a mortal to be so cruel. “But, I don’t love you. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”
You moved to pull away, fear fading into sympathetic pity, but Xiao didn’t want your pity, he didn’t want you to go back to hiding from him, trembling and screaming and treating him like some monster, a beast waiting to lash out. That’s what he was, really, but he didn’t have to admit it. He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to let himself believe he’d fallen that far, and he didn’t want to let you treat him as if he had.
His grip was too tight, a whimper escaping your parted lips as he caught you by the wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when it was so easy to jerk you towards him, forcing you out of your pathetic, laughable shelter and into his lap, his free arm latching onto your waist before you had a chance to pull away. The remorse was reflexive, immediate and instinctual, but for the first time, he allowed himself to ignore it, to bury it underneath the pleasant warmth of your skin against his and the bliss that came with being so close to you, with burying his face in your shoulder, with indulging every necessity he’d denied himself in the name of your comfort. Your hands were already on his chest, your entire body shaking as you made a weak attempt to push him away, but Xiao was stronger than you, and he loved you so much more than you could ever hate him. This was fair. That had to be enough to make it fair.
You shifted, the air catching in your lungs, but Xiao only bared his teeth, letting pointed fangs ghost over the side of your neck before he could regret scaring you. Maybe he wanted to scare you. Maybe it’d be better, if you were scared of him. At least then, he wouldn’t have to keep playing dutiful lover. 
“Don’t move,” He snarled, and instantly, you went still. He could feel your heart racing in your chest, hear the cracked sob you failed to swallow, but he wanted this, he needed this. You’d get used to it, with time. You might even begin to appreciate the weeks he spent coddling you, once you were exposed to the alternative. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I need this. I need you to let me have this.” He paused, giving you just enough to time to stiffen, to realize he wasn’t letting go. To realize he was never letting go, even if that meant you only grew to hate him more. “I don’t care if you love me. I need you.” 
Because he’d already gotten what he deserved. He’d already suffered, anguished, submitted himself fully to karma and reaped the consequences. The lesson had been drilled into him a thousand times, by his own hand another hundred. He already knew pain.
He’d already gotten what he deserved.
For once, he wanted to know what it would be like to get what he wanted, instead.
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silverflame2724 · 3 years
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Accidental Martial God WWX
That was exacty what I meant actually but I do have a few more povs if you want.
LQRs reaction to a demonic cultivator ascending, JGS and JGY reaction to the Yin Tiger Tally moving completely out of reach, WQ pondering the true requirements for ascension given WWX doesn't have a golden core yet ascended, WWX musing on Godhood and on his new followers both the good and the more disturbing worshipers.
Maybe LWJ protects the Wen Remnants because WWX asked him to in a dream and after he succeeds (13 years later) he ascends and is finally reunited with WWX.
Lan Qiren did not know what to think. Wei Wuxian, his most troublesome student, a demonic cultivator, had ascended. He’d ascended. How was that even possible? Were the Heavens blind? Why would they allow someone like Wei Wuxian to ascend?
From what Lan Qiren had thought, only those who are righteous and followed the correct path in life like the Lan clan’s founder, Lan An, would be worthy of ascending.
Either the qualifications for ascension were lower than he thought or Lan Qiren had been horribly mistaken about Wei Wuxian’s personality and motivations for using demonic cultivation. That last thought made Lan Qiren feel very uncomfortable.
He’d always been harsh on the boy and disregarded him, even - he ashamedly admitted - punishing him harsher and more frequently than others.
He’d thought he was in the right because of how Wei Wuxian was but…..
But if he was wrong then Lan Qiren owed him an apology.
………………….
Jin Guangshan wanted to scream out in frustration seeing Wei Wuxian ascend. That brat had the Stygian Tiger Seal on him - according to his spies - and now that he ascended, the Seal went with him.
He had had so many plans on bribing Wei Wuxian to his side or killing him when he refused - as well as stealing the Seal - and then taking over the cultivation world, lording over it as he was always meant to be.
Now those plans are ruined. He sighed. Hopefully that bastard son of his can finally prove his usefulness and give him countermeasures or he might retract his favor from him.
……………………
Jin Guangyao’s first thought upon seeing Wei Wuxian ascend was: Oh shit. I have to go make up new plans to help Father.
He knew his father wanted Wei Wuxian and the Seal and didn’t really care how he obtained both or either, just as long as no one traced it back to him. He sighed. This was going to be a big headache. But at least the plans on putting his father as Chief Cultivator were going smoothly. He could only imagine what his father would do to him if even this failed.
..............................
Wen Qing had still been in Yiling, making plans to relocate her family, when the news that Wei Wuxian had ascended had reached her.
Her first reaction was, That’s impossible.
Because it was, right? Wen Qing should know. She cut out his core, after all. But to think he was still able to ascend while he was a demonic cultivator made her wonder what the requirements were for ascending. Perhaps it’s an honest heart? Self-sacrificing tendencies? Or is it a sacrifice of some sorts? She paused. What if.....it was a trial? To test a person’s will? What Wei Wuxian had suffered was.....horrible. Could it have all been just a test from the Heavens?
If that was so, the Heavens really are cru--- 
“A’ Jie, we have to go! Some Jin were spotted nearby!”
Wen Qing gritted her teeth. Members of the branch families of Qishan, regardless of whether they were innocent or not, were captured and subsequently tortured to death by the Jin and sometimes the Nie. Because her family was all in Yiling, they were safe.......but only for now. They had to hurry and escape.
Wen Qing sent a quick prayer to Wei Wuxian, hoping for her family’s safety, and tucked the rest of her belongings in her qiankun pouch, remembering to wrap her arms in bandages to hide the needles she might need to paralyze any Jin that came close.
....................................
Wei Wuxian’s first thought when he landed in the Heavens was, What the fuck.
Then he looked around and looked taken aback and wary at the unfamiliar faces around him. Where the fuck am I?
“Hello.” A rather stoic-faced man greeted.
“Hello.” Wei Wuxian parroted back. The person in front of him didn’t seem to be a threat so he felt a little tension loosen from his shoulders. “Um, Xiansheng? I’m afraid I don’t know where I am?”
“You have just ascended.” The man replied, throwing Wei Wuxian aback.
“Are you pulling my leg?” Wei Wuxian asked. “How is that even possible! I don’t even have---” He swallowed. I don’t even have a core.
“I do not lie. Come, we are wasting time. We must get you washed up and dressed for the induction ceremony.” Seeing Wei Wuxian still frozen, the man sighed, signalled for some people to pick Wei Wuxian up and dragged the struggling man to some quarters.
After absentmindedly washing, drying and changing himself, Wei Wuxian noticed some differences in his body. He wasn’t....cold or hurting anymore. And - he touched his back - he could feel his back! After having his muscles and nerves shredded by Zidian, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to sense touch on his back or even move without pain! But now he can!
He heard the urging of some people and grumbled.
“You will become a god of demonic cultivation.” Was the first thing he heard when he stepped out of the room.
Wei Wuxian choked. “Excuse me?!”
“I said what I said. Now then, if you would please concentrate, you should be able to hear the prayers of the people below.”
Wei Wuxian felt like everything was moving a little too fast for him, but nevertheless complied. Immediately after, a flood of prayers hit him at full force.
“Wei Wuxian!” That was Jiang Cheng! “….Have some fun up there.”
“A’ Xian, do be well. Shijie isn’t there to take care of you so do be well.” Wei Wuxian refused to cry.
“Wei-Xiong! I hope there’s someone up there to supply you with you know what *winks*”
How does someone even wink in their prayers? Wei Wuxian thought amusedly.
“Wei Ying.” That was Lan Zhan. “Wei Ying, I will—be well.”
Ah, Lan Zhan. Always concise even in your thoughts.
Wei Wuxian was a little teary. As much as he was glad to not be a part of the cultivation world considering all the rumors, he did regret leaving behind those that cared for him.
That thought was much more cemented upon hearing…….
“Ah, Lord Wei, the pinnacle of evil, the role model of all demonic cultivators!” Wei Wuxian’s eye twitched. “Please hear my plea for more power! I need it, I need it to destroy everyone who harmed me!”
“Wei Wuxian, I wish to gain power over resentful energy so that I may tear my enemies limb by limb!
“Give me money! You’re a god, aren’t you? Be useful for once and give me some gold!”
“Tch. If I’m going to pray for anything, then it’ll have to be the Seal. You’re a god, now, right? So you have no need for the Seal. Just give it up.”
No matter the good or bad, Wei Wuxian heard the wishes and prayers of the people down below and while some were innocent enough, there were those that wished for death, destruction, tools for torture, power, money, women…….you name it.
It made Wei Wuxian feel a little disgusted with humanity. He cut off his focus from the bad and focused on the prayer he received from his friends and family.
“Wei Wuxian, I heard you became a god.” It was Wen Qing. He hadn’t heard her voice in a long time. “I know this might seem shameless of me after all I did to you, but please. Please guarantee the safety of my family. We’re being hunted down and—”
Her prayer was abruptly cut off, before coming back in full force with notes of desperation. Her family had been captured and taken to Qiongqi Path! Wei Wuxian panicked. He didn’t know how to escape from this place and try to go help her.
The…..person who was watching over him evidently knew what he was thinking about and merely stated that gods cannot interfere with the mortal realm. So he was stuck.
But that didn’t mean he was out of options.
It took a few days, but he managed to wheedle out how to help: via dreams. He merely needed to get into the mind of one of his followers and tell them to help. Much like those prophetic dreams Wei Wuxian had read about as a kid.
So he buckled down, thinking of the best candidate to help him.
……………………………
Lan Wangji looked at the landscape around him and concluded that he was dreaming. Though, it was a little odd that he was aware that he was dreaming. Not that he hasn’t realized he was dreaming before - especially in those many fantasies he had of Wei Ying - but to be aware that this is a dream and to see nothing but a flat landscape was pretty out of the ordinary. 
Anyway, he digressed. What was going on?
“Uhh, Lan Zhan? Can you hear me?”
“W-Wei Ying?!” Lan Wangji couldn’t be blamed for stuttering. He wasn’t expecting this!
“Phew. Oh good, you can hear me. Anyway, Lan Zhan, I gotta be quick about this because I’m kinda sorta bending the rules here, but do you think you can go to Qiongqi Path and rescue Wen Qing and her family?”
“Okay.”
“Huh? Just like that? Not even going to ask me for a reason, er-gege?”
Lan Wangji’s ears flushed red at the address. “If Wei Ying wants to save them, you must have a good reason. That’s enough for me.”
“Ah, Hanguang-Jun.” The title was spoken fondly. “Always so good. I’ll tell you anyway. Wen Qing and her family sheltered Jiang Cheng and I after Lotus Pier fell and even brought back Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen’s bodies! That’s a debt I cannot repay.”
“I understand. I will help.”
He couldn’t see Wei Ying, but could practically feel the amusement from him.
“Wei Ying.”
“Yes?”
“Are......Are you well?”
“Of course I am. I’m actually feeling so much better than before.” Wei Ying grumbled, “I’m not even in pain anymore.”
“You were in pain?” Lan Wangji asked worriedly. “Wei Ying, why didn’t you say anything.”
“Lan Zhan, there was nothing you or anyone else could do to alleviate my pain. It doesn’t matter now. I’m okay.”
Lan Wangji was still worried and wanted to speak to him more, but---
“Ah! Looks like my time’s up!” Wei Ying exclaimed cheerfully as the dreamscape wavered. “See you, Lan Zhan!”
Lan Wangji nodded. “See you, Wei Ying.” I’ll catch up to you soon.
.
.
.
And 13 years later, Lan Wangji kept his promise.
___________________
I didn’t edit this so I’m hoping there’s not too many grammatical errors lol. 
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(/rp! also, huge trigger warning for assault, graphic violence, death, abuse, possessive behaviour, obsession, mental breaks, hallucination, really fucking creepy treatment of a corpse, unreliable narrators, the perspective of a villain, torture, manipulation, and gaslighting! this gets pretty fucked up).
When Dream sees Tommy for the first time, there is no dramatic shift, no acknowledgement that his life had changed forever. No knowledge of the fact. All he sees is a skinny little kid who's obnoxious and loud, and he catalogues him just as one of Philza’s strays and leaves it at that.
No, it’s when Tommy drives the sword into his chest for the first time, and Dream wakes up from his non-canon death smiling despite itself when it clicks. He’s not sure what “it” is, exactly, but it’s just something about him Dream hadn’t seen in anyone before that has him hooked, captivated from the beginning.
(There's the vague recollection that he was like Tommy once, a bright eyed naive youth too loud for his own good, but that’s not unique. It’s not that, at least not entirely.)
The conflict was not started by Tommy, nor was he of any particular threat to Dream, but he was fun. So he ignored the rest, and took the boy's music discs. He knew Tommy well enough that he’d fight for them, and fight he did, and even though Dream lost in the end he laughed all the while. He’d played many a game before, but none quite this fun!
They both know this isn’t where it’ll end. Only one hopes it will be.
——
Dream didn’t care much about Wilbur's little revolutionary movement at first. As long as he obeyed the rules, and stayed in the server, it wouldn’t matter whether he delusionally thought he was under his own governance or not.
This changed immediately when he learnt Tommy was involved.
L'Manburg, a name he didn’t bother to remember until he learnt Tommy named it, was tiny, barely any more than a scavenged old world vehicle and some trees. It’s populace was peaceful, only Wilbur even an adult. None of that mattered. It wasn’t that the nation was a threat, though he certainly wouldn’t dissuade his friends fear that it was. But fighting L'Manburg meant fighting Tommy, and Dream wouldn't pass up the opportunity for anything.
He grinned with glee behind his mask as he blew Tommy's strange dirt hovel “embassy” sky high, enthusiastically threatened Tommy before remembering half heartedly to threaten the rest of the nation. He made dealings, found weak links- a new immigrant to the SMP that joined L'Manburg after the war began, it turns out. He offered extravagant promises in exchange for their betrayal, hiding the strings attached to his fingers.
Oh, but it was all worth it when the person with the eyes of an old god lead the revolutionaries into a trap, all worth it when they descended on them at once. It was definitely worth it to kill Tommy, kill Tommy, see him scream and cry in pain and stumble trying to escape and him taking a shuddering last breath. Dream had never seen anything as beautiful.
(It was a war, and feelings like this were okay in wars, right? It’s not like he was obsessed, it’s not like he was a monster. He’d been trying to be good, and killing your enemies was good, right?)
He killed Tommy a second time, too. The boy with shaking hands and a leg hanging limp challenged him to a duel for his nations future. His loss was assured, and Dream knew Tommy knew that also. This one was quicker, Tommy dead between the arrow entering his skull and his broken body make a loud thud against the planks, but it was no less fascinating. If only he had infinite canon lives, Dream would happily give up any ambitions and spend eternity seeing the boy die in so many fascinating ways.
(No, what the fuck was he thinking? The SMP was worth more than some stupid kid, and Dream wasn’t so inept with morality to know torturing someone over and over, killing them, was wrong.)
(Yet, it was so tempting he was almost ready to renounce morality wholeheartedly.)
It eventually comes to the discs again, Tommy handing Dream his prized possessions for some silly little nation. Dream knew Tommy would do anything to get them back. Having so much control was addicting, even more than control of anything else. Dream had learnt long ago that if you didn’t have complete power over anything, people would take the power from you and make you hurt.
So why did he care more about control of some kid than avoiding his own pain?
——
Dream would have sided with Tommy. Really, he would have, but Schlatt just had the better deal.
He holds the book in his hands, power filling him. He repeats the incantation, sacrifices the blood from his veins. He stares into the face of a man near-identical.
“”Brother dearest,”” he says, voice level. “”What do you wish of me?””
Dream grins behind his mask. “”Tommy.””
Wishes must come true, Dream thinks, as he sits on the beach of Logstedshire, Tommy passed out and leaning against his arm.
Oh, what he’d give for this moment to last forever. Alas, it passes, like they all do. Still, Tommy's getting so obedient lately- barely even grumbling as he threw his item into the hole. Part of him missed when Tommy would fight back all the while- his pained screams were entertaining. Still, it was safer this way, and more enjoyable in the long run. He’d hate to have his little songbird break it’s neck against the cage doors, never to sing again.
He’s not sure when life outside of Tommy became a chore, but he remembers dimly that it wasn’t always like that. There was a Dream long ago that wouldn’t give up friends and family, who'd cry over losing them even if he’d cut their threads voluntarily. He wasn’t that Dream anymore, the numb feeling in his chest a sign of growth. It didn’t matter that everything outside of Tommy was so miserable, because just being around the boy was a feeling a hundredfold better than any happiness he felt before.
Still, he had duties and responsibilities. Ones that seemed so important long ago, so fulfilling. Maybe one day they’d feel like that again. He had plans, from what he learnt. Government had not left him satisfied, but- whatever you could call what his relationship with Tommy was, it definitely did. Family, he supposed, recognising the boys actions towards him and his brothers. If he could make the entire server like that, that’d be a happiness greater than any other, apart from how Tommy made him feel.
He spent time with Tubbo, getting further and further towards getting that stupid fucking ram boy to calling him a friend and giving him Tommy's disc, all he wanted from him.
(He wasn’t jealous, of course he wasn’t. The anger he felt whenever Tommy called Tubbo a friend, that wasn’t jealousy. That was just logical).
Far more interesting was checking on the prison's completion. When it’s completed, it’d truly be a thing of beauty. Of course, his favourite part was the main cell, that he’d put so much thought into. He’d included all the little things that made Tommy squirm, made his breath hitch and eyes dart around fearfully. That would be so much fun.
(Tommy would learn to appreciate the fun in time, too. He was a smart boy, if irritatingly yet fascinatingly stubborn. He just needed to be taught that if he listened and just played along, Dream could give him the world.)
It took far too long, but eventually it finished, and he could return to the ugly mess of tents and logs he’d made so sure Tommy could never leave. He always started shaking when Dream showed up, trying desperately to hide his fear in his voice, and it was absolutely adorable. Dream savoured it, savoured everything about Tommy as they spent hours talking. Everything, his hysterical laugh, his nervous glances for escapes, the way he flinched whenever Dream grabbed his shoulder, his wrist, the poorly hidden look of pain when he held tighter, just hard enough to irritate the bruises that painted his skin a canvas of black and blue, it was all perfect.
Only he could love Tommy this much, and in time he knew Tommy would learn to appreciate that.
——
The second time he used the book, a tower extended from the ruins of the makeshift prison he’d made for Tommy. DreamXD stated ahead of him.
“”Brother dearest,” he said, “why are you calling on me again so soon?””
“”Bring him back,”” he said, voice painfully numb.
DreamXD shrugged a shoulder, golden hair waving around like in water. “”Who?””
“”Tommy.””
“”I cannot,”” DreamXD said. “”He lives.”” Dream couldn’t help but smile at hearing that.
“”Then bring him back to me.””
DreamXD laughed, a sound like church bells. “”That would be unnecessary. Did I not already grant you the mortal?””
Dream clenched his fist hard enough blood dripped onto scorched earth. “”He left me-“”
“”And you shall find him, no matter what.”” DreamXD smiled under the mask. “”You are bonded to him, and neither death nor distance shall break that. Just look, and you will find him, til the end of time and even past.””
“”Thank you,”” Dream said, genuinely for once.
“”Only the best for my little brother and sister. And I know you would do the same for us, brother dearest.””
——
His planning had come to fruition for once.
They were alone, in the depths of the Earth, just him, Tommy, the fucking hilarious excuse for a “president” Tommy called a friend for some reason, and his axe.
Finally, he could bring his dreams to fruition. He could get rid of any loose threads, and claim what was rightfully his. And once he’d taught Tommy to be grateful, he could get to work on the rest of the server.
It’d be beautiful. Everyone would be his friend, his brother, his sister, something in between. There would be no more wars, just peace. Everyone would be safe, he’d know they’re safe and they’d never rip him to pieces and laugh at his pain. And oh, it’d like be hard work, breaking everyone into obedience but not too much to the point they become boring, but so enjoyable and satisfying. He’d almost be disappointed when it was over.
Tommy- his Tommy, his Tommy, was crying, and it was amusing but he almost wanted to reach out and comfort him and explain it’d all be for the best. He’d do that later, once he’d secured him and any loose ends were gone forever. He couldn’t afford weakness until they were alone, but Tommy made it so tempting.
The ram and Tommy hugged a final goodbye, and the adoration he had towards Tommy, hiding his fear behind a smile, made Dream fucking sick. He should know Tommy was his. They all should know. He’d teach them, when he made the server a perfect family. Even Tubbo, if Tommy begged enough. Dream would do anything to hear Tommy's pathetic, gorgeous begging, breaking through his aggressive walls, and bringing back some random sheep was easily in his brother's power.
See, he could be kind. He wasn’t cruel, he wasn’t a monster. He didn’t even care if he was anymore, fun was so much more important than nonsensical human concepts, but it wasn’t even true. He could be incredibly, selflessly kind, as long as he had a reason. They’d learn, once he fulfilled his dream.
The sound of a nether portal, of betrayal, shatters his dreams and at this point he wonders why he’s surprised.
——
He’d had doubts, during the weeks (months, years? he had no way of knowing) he’d been trapped in the cell, but Tommy being here with him confirmed his design was excellent.
Oh, Tommy was being fucking obnoxious- and Dream knew he was doing it on purpose- but he saw it in the way he never was able to look at the lava properly, the way he always woke up in a cold sweat calling for his daddy like the child he insisted he wasn’t. It was perfect.
(Of course it was, though. It’s not hard to build on something already perfected, and Tommy was the perfect little toy.)
Tommy was so frustratingly different though. He tried not to take it out on him- it wasn’t his fault that everyone else spread lies, planted nonsense in his head about Dream being bad and not trying to do the best for everyone but especially for him- but he struggled sometimes, and it was always so tempting to hurt Tommy anyway, and get lost in the melody of his screams. It wouldn’t teach Tommy anything though, and that’s what was important. He needed to teach Tommy what was best for him.
Tommy had unlearnt all the lessons Dream painstakingly taught him. That wouldn’t be an issue- it was so, so fun to teach- but he knew, painfully deep down in his heart that he could not hold Tommy forever, not yet. The lockdown wasn’t forever, and Dream had no escape route yet. Tommy would just forget everything again, at the hands of his “friends” that couldn’t love him as much as Dream did. They needed to learn far more than Tommy did.
(Except Ranboo of course- oh, the purple eyed boy had the silly naive thoughts in his head everyone seemed to have that friendship was anything but possessing another, but he agreed family came first, listened to Dream, helped him, even with clenched teeth.)
And when one day the frustration got to Dream one day and he was so furious he hit Tommy again and again against the walls of the prison and strangled him until he was cold all he could do was laugh and laugh and laugh.
It was so, so funny, because of course he’d be the one to destroy everything he loved.
——
This time, when DreamXD is called, he looks upon his brother with concern.
“”Brother dearest,”” he says, “”are you quite alright?””
Dream laughs, because of course he’s alright! The tears staining his face must be joy, because of course he’s alright. He’s holding Tommy here, with him, and he was quiet, he must be listening. He can’t be dead, he can’t be, then there’d be no point to any of this.
“”Drista has been concerned for you for quite a while, you know,”” DreamXD continued. “”Is this because of your mortal?””
“”He’s been ever so quiet lately,”” Dream said, with a voice hoarse from crying and laughter. “”I’m not sure to be concerned or happy with him.””
“”You’re not well, Dream.”” DreamXD said, with a tone of finality despite clearly being wrong. “”The boy is dead.””
Dream laughs. “”And yet he does not slip from my grasp.””
“”Then, brother, why did you call me?””
The silence pierces through air like a knife. Eventually, through hiccuping sobs, Dream says “”Just, please, bring him back.””
Tommy sputters to life with ghostly eye and pure white streaks and more bruise on him than corpselike skin and Dream thinks he has never been more perfect.
——
Quackity's left, he thinks, because the pain's stopped growing.
He laughs, because he doesn’t know what to fucking do anymore but laugh. He can’t give up the secrets of the book, of course he can’t. Family comes first, after all, and he dreads to think what the bastard would do to his brother. But the pain was awful, never ending in waves through his whole body, and he almost just wants to confess so he can die.
He cradles what’s left of his arm since the bastard cut it off at the elbow, and he sobs. He doesn’t even care to hide it with his mask. It’s not even the pain that hurts the most, even. It’s that Tommy's gone, and by the time Dream escapes- because he’s going to escape, he’s got to- he might be so far from his grasp even their fates being tied might not be enough.
“Of course that’s not true,” a fake voice says in his head, and wavy form approaches. Fuck, the blood loss must be bad today. It always is when he sees things. Usually it’s George or Bad or Sapnap, and it leaves him with a numb feeling in his chest that he’s familiar with, but today it’s Tommy, and that’s worse. It reminds him of what he cannot hold.
“Fuck off,” he mouths at the apparition, voice too tired and hoarse from screaming to speak properly. Not-Tommy laughs, and the sound is so similar to Tommy he almost thinks that his desperate prayers have been answered, Tommy is there again, but he reached his fingers forward and they go through his tired hallucination.
“You’re a real dick, you know that?” Not-Tommy says, and laughs again. “But I know you mean the best.” Dream shrugs his shoulder at the fake, and then curls up, new waves of pain curling up his arm.
“I don’t know why I was ever friends with that bastard.” Not-Tommy lies, and Dream wants to believe it. “You’re just having fun. He’s cruel.” Tommy would never understand that clear distinction, no matter how much Dream explained it, but the fake said it with such conviction it was almost enough for Dream to fall for it.
“When you get out, I’ll be there, Dream. And then we can all be a big happy family,” Not-Tommy says, the thoughts so obviously Dream's and not Tommy’s but- the idea that Tommy understood, that he saw sense, was so tempting, Dream allowed himself to believe it, just for a second. Just until the pain started anew.
Broken and bloody, Dream drifted into unconsciousness with a smile on his face.
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Invisible
Potions of invisibility grant the user the ability to disappear, functionally: the concealment of one’s self through magic, distilled into a draught easy to swallow. For better and worse, Tommy’s familiar with the taste.
It tastes sour, primarily. 
Looking at the ingredient list, no wonder. Nether wart and fermented spider eye. Gross. There are some things a golden carrot just can't balance out. 
It's such a disgusting taste he doesn't notice the shimmering feeling, instead focusing his attention on scraping a thin layer of translucent brown sugar-mushroom-spider ick off his tongue. Not until: 
"Tommy?" "Y- Bleh- Yeah?" "Oh!" Tubbo waves his arms in a wild arc, smile growing, before his hand collides with Tommy's arm, and he picks up Tommy's wrist. "It worked!" "What do you- Ohhh..." 
If he blurs his vision, Tubbo's fingers circle around nothing. If he looks properly, he can just about see the edges of his wrist, the lines of his shirt sleeve. "Dude, how does that work?" "Which bit?" "Clothes. My clothes didn't drink it too." "Dude, I dunno... My turn!" 
They learn to spot the tiny signs of an invisible person. They learn to disguise them. Tommy tries to tackle Tubbo and misses completely, and both of them fall about laughing. 
Call that a drug van success story. 
--- 
He sprints past it, hoping they aren’t following, panic filling his bloodstream. He chugs the potion as he runs, drops spilling down his front, staining his navy coat with off-white shadows as he shimmers and disappears into thin air. 
Please don’t see me, please don’t see me.
He stumbles into the shallow waters of the lake, wading - disturbing the water, too many signs, you're gonna be seen - towards Tubbo's tunnel. He takes three steps and slips under the surface, landing on his hands and knees on the tunnel floor, waiting, waiting- Where are they? 
There's the sound of an arrow seeking its mark and hitting true, and for a split second Tommy sees an arm with deft fingers and a dark blue sleeve fall over the side of the entrance, and then the body is gone and shit shit shit- 
Tommy sticks his head back out- Who was that? Wilbur? Tubbo? He feels the shimmering feeling again - "a quick escape", where are the others - and slowly drops back to the tunnel floor. 
Make a decision, what if they find you, Little Laddy One Life? He walks away, opting to live to fight another day, hoping that his friends will join him soon. 
--- 
Funnily though, while clothes disappear with the potion, armour doesn't. He doesn't know why; he's not smart enough to. And right now, as he yanks the shoulder straps of his chestplate tight, he doesn't really care. 
"Stop!" They don't stop, voices mostly drowned out by the overwhelming sound of rushing water. Dream, his face also hidden, but by his signature mask as opposed to the magic of an invisibility potion, holds his hand towards Tubbo and tells him "I need the disc." Tommy crests the wreckage of the Community House, no longer attempting to stay hidden as the water thunders down around his ankles, pulling him towards the platform in the centre. It's a bizarre version of the Pit. It’s an arena. It's a stage. 
"No!" He screams, as Tubbo takes half a step back towards the ender chest. Heads snap to his position, looking at the empty suit of armour that's just appeared beside and above them. Tubbo stutters something in quiet disbelief, and between that and the sudden attention, Tommy falters. If he took off his armour now, could he get out of there? Or would the same fate that once befell Wilbur catch him? The blame for this building is on him, after all. 
He jumps in, landing on his feet between Dream and the cabinet of L'Manberg. He is caught in the crossfire of their questions: "Tommy?" "Is that Tommy?" 
He shouts, and he screams, and he revolves like a merry-go-round, trying to keep his eyes on everyone, not trusting that his armour'll be enough to protect him from the sheer amount of enemies about. So many people hate him, he realises, it's 30 v 2. Technoblade would like those odds. Technoblade, who's standing beside him, not invisible because he went to get milk. He likes the protection; he thinks. 
They don't listen. Tubbo keeps insisting he betrayed them all by teaming with Techno, that he betrayed L'Manberg, but they don't understand, he didn't have a choice, "You don't know what he did to me in exile." Tubbo has the disc in his hands, and without having an inkling of where Dream's eyes are, he watches him consider simply snatching it from Tubbo's hands. 
"You're not gonna give him the disc." Tubbo looks at him like it's a dare, and why can't he see? Tommy's practically crying with the effort and exertion of watching his best friend betray him in slow motion, of being this close to his abuser, of being blamed for something he didn't do, of being beaten down every time he gets on his damn feet. 
"I don’t need to prove myself to you. This wasn’t me. Trust me. Jesus— for once in your life, Tubbo, trust me." Tubbo's eyes are cold, his mind made up. What happened to us against the world?  "I did trust you. Once. The first time all of this happened. And I won’t make the same mistake twice." 
There's a little moment where time stops, and everyone draws nearer like a crowd at the coliseum, and Tommy feels his invisibility ripple slightly, warning him it's about to wear off. Who the fuck cares. 
Tubbo takes a step towards Dream, and Tommy lunges to put himself between them. "Don't you dare." Tubbo's hand goes to his axe. "You betrayed me, Tubbo, you- Did you just-" Both of their eyes are on Tubbo’s weapon, when he puts the disc away, staring Tommy down plainly with his one hand returning to the axe at his waist, and the other taking out his shield. "I didn't betray you." His voice is level, all business. Okay then, Mr President.
"You betrayed everything that you'd built with presidents prior." Tommy's anger, and hurt, and frustration, and pain finally boils over, so much so that it's visible in the way he shakes as he brings out his axe. "You know what?" He bites into a golden apple, feeling its effects drown out the rushing water and the shimmering sensation of his invis. "You've got your axe up." Technoblade’s tone is surprised but light as he tells Tommy to make this decision wisely, but he’s already gone, his safety and conscience be damned. He throws himself at Tubbo, brandishing his axe as the pigman taught him, like he once practised with the brown-haired boy he’s swinging at, thinking You say I betrayed you? I'll show you a traitor. 
Poetically, perhaps, it's less like a fight, and more like a dance. They are a whirlwind - a hurricane - clashing and blocking and pushing and shoving across the otherwise empty floor. Somewhere in the gushing water, Technoblade's bloodlust has seized him, and he's gone for the L'Manbergians and the festival-goers and the unrelated parties that came when they saw the destruction, and he's scattering them this way and that, but who cares about that? 
They are not equally matched. Tommy shakes too much: there is too much of him vulnerable here, not just his mortality, something that neither invisibility nor armour can keep from being scratched and damaged. He's losing. He's quite badly losing, despite Tubbo's inferior armour and weapons and allies, and he leaps into the nearest watery wall, letting the Respiration helmet Techno made for him protect him as the water drags him under and away from his attacker. His best friend. He bites into another golden apple, his pleas swallowed by the torrent. He still hears Tubbo's shout though, permeating the water and being relayed through his communicator from wherever Techno is. 
"Where are you?" 
He pops back up, shaking and soaking wet and sees a familiar sight: an old friend, a brother - once - staring him down with death in his eyes from behind brown hair. He was wrong, oh so wrong, all those weeks ago: at once he is Schlatt, alone at the end of his days, and there's Wilbur, old pals who'll be the death of each other. No. 
No. 
"I didn’t betray you, you teamed up with the very person that destroyed us the first time!" He feels his invis shimmer one more time, and the timing is immaculate, really. Cinematic, one might say. 
"I went for the discs— Tubbo, the discs— The discs were worth more than you ever were!" "No... Wh- Th-" The world stands still, and it feels so good, it's so good to finally say it, to watch Tubbo's face fall, his shield slipping from his hand, listen to the reactions around their little arena, watch as Tubbo shuts his mouth and yanks on the strap of his chestplate and lets it drop to the floor, leaving him defenceless and open to attack and wait- no- wait- 
Mutely, Tommy’s gaze drifts skyward, and it should feel good because they know now, they know how he feels, but it's not, it's not good because that- that wasn't true. That wasn't right. 
And he looks back at Tubbo, and finally, finally, his invis runs out, and he hopes it shows on his face, that he knows he's fucked up because Tubbo looks destroyed, and a shiver goes through him because he no longer looks angry he just- He just looks sad. 
He takes off his helmet, breathing heavily from the ache and exertion, heart burning in regret. 
‘The discs were worth more than you ever were.’
How do you fix that? For one crazy moment, he considers the invis again. Turning translucent and running, back to Techno- back to Technoblade who'd congratulate him on 'moving on' and tell Phil like he was proud and probably write that line on the fucking wall, how could he be such a monumental ass- 
"Tubbo?" Their eyes meet. Tubbo says nothing. 
"Give him the disc." 
He looks bewildered, "You want me to give Dream the disc?" He says, the tiniest sliver of something they used to have peeking through, the bearest hint of kindness, and bless him, it's more than Tommy deserves. It makes him want to go invisible again. 
He smiles softly, and it can't reach his eyes, but he pours every ounce of good left in him into it and desperately hopes it's enough.
"Yeah." And because he's fucked up, because he knows they can never go back from this: "I'm sorry Tubbo." 
--- 
He's done it again, he keeps fucking up. Sam's hand is holding him down by the shoulder, firm fingers digging into him, keeping him from reaching Ghostbur. 
He tried so hard. His throat is sore from not coughing. His muscles hurt from the pure tension and adrenaline coursing through his bloodstream, from his stubborn heart to the ends of his fingers and toes. He thought he'd gotten caught when he drank the potion in the waivers room, and his heart had been beating so loud that he'd thought Sam could hear it. 
Yet, they made it. But it doesn't matter, because he pulled out the axe too early, and now he's busted, and Sam's gonna kill him or Wilbur's going to come back or both, and it's all his fault. 
Every time he tries. Every time he tries to fix things, or do what's right, or have something for himself, it's taken away, destroyed and he's kicked to the ground. Every time. 
It's enough to make anyone want to be invisible.
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i’m here || gundham tanaka x reader || fluff
pronouns: they/them
plot: your class slowly wakes up one by one from the simulation. you- being woken up pretty early on- decided to stay by gundham’s side until he woke up.
slight platonic!sonia x reader
gunny brainrot because im a fucking slut for it
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you were one of the many of your class to die, having been killed by kazuichi somewhere in the middle of the game. you woke up afterwards, eyes scanning the walls of what you first thought was your soul's final destination.
poor gundham. your boyfriend tried his best to stay strong throughout the entire trial, but everyone could see the pain in his eyes. his love was gone, to his knowledge. his dark companion, his paramour- taken from him all too soon. all because of that pink haired buffoon he called a classmate. and just when he started to like the guy...
"gundham," kazuichi looked at him helplessly, desperation in his voice for even the slightest bit of understanding from the much larger classmate in front of him, "you know it wasn't personal, right? i mean, come on, we would've all suffered if someone didn't die-"
"so why them," he muttered under his breathe, cutting the mechanic off. the whole class fell silent- this was the first thing gundham has said all trial...
"w-wha-" "why them?! you could have picked from any low mortal, but you chose them instead! you ripped my lover from my grasp!" gundham began shouting, slamming his fists down on the podium, gripping it so hard his already pale knuckles paled more. "truly, you are a foul demon sent to me by my demonic enemies," he continued rambling, "to take someone so dear to me from this world so soon. they were an angel, descended down from the heavens, sculpted by the goddess of beauty herself-"
"gundham.." hinata called out, but he was ignored, voice drowned out as gundham began screaming, shouting as tears rolled down his face.
"i have never seen a demon of such a low level- to take one's ONLY TRUE HOPE FROM HIM!"
monokuma could only laugh as gundham full on broke down, "such smart cookies, all of you! correct, once again, class! kazuichi souda killed y/n l/n! nyuknyuknyuk~!"
as the rest of the class watched kazuichi's elimination, all gundham could think about was survival. was it even worth it anymore? to survive without the one person he swore to protect.. and failed in doing so.
a hand fell onto his shoulder, and he looked down to see sonia. the princess smiled at him, comfortingly rubbing her friend's shoulder, "i know how much they meant to you," she said, tears welling up in her own eyes, "im going to miss them, too..." she was a good friend of yours as well. being so close to gundham meant she got to know you first, and you two became good friends, and occasionally cafe buddies.
gundham felt his throat clench, and he clung to the blonde in a tight hug, which she returned with equal strength as they sobbed into each other- sonia's cries small and fragile against gundham's loud, pained sobs.
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you had sat at gundham's pod for a while, waiting for it to open with your hand pressed against the cold glass. you heard a gasp behind you, before a loud cry, and you knew almost immediately who it was. "sonia.." you said, smiling softly before opening your arms for a hug. she gladly accepted, running up to you with full force and nearly toppling your larger frame over. "you ha-had no idea how m-much we missed you, y/n," sonia sobbed into your shoulder, gripping at your clothes tigher, "gundham and i- we-.. i-.."
you shushed the poor girl, petting her head as she calmed down slowly, "i understand, i'm sorry for having left you both so soon..."
you both looked over to gundham's pod, watching the glass lift as your boyfriend came to. "hey there, sleepy head," you teased, letting go of sonia to pet the breeder's pepper hair, stroking it away from his face.
gundham could only look at you, shock plastered on his face, expression stuck like a fish out of water. "y-y/n.." he stuttered out finally, sitting up to get a closer look at you, "y/n!" he stumbled out of the pod, gripping onto you- similar to how sonia reacted, only this time, he managed to actually make you fall over. you chuckled, patting the boys back, "hey, hey, hey; don't cry. i'm here, baby boy, i'm here now..."
"i thought i had lost you, my dove," he said, pitifully mumbled into your shoulder so only you could hear. his voice sounded so weak.
"its alright, i know.. i'm so sorry..."
gundham let go, wiping his tears on his scarf, and you kissed him once more on the lips. "there, there," you hushed him. at this point, sonia and the rest of your class had been escorted out of the room. it was just you and him now. gundham clung to you for dear life, as if you were the very thing keeping his soul tethered to this realm. "gundham," you whispered softly, patting his hair, "let's go join the others, yea?"
"in a bit, darling," he said, nearly begging, "i'd like to just... hold you... in my arms, like this, just for a bit.." he added later, quietly, "please..?"
you sighed, nodding, placing a kiss to his forehead. after all, who knew how long you two had spent apart? who knew how much time you two had left? holding him for a minute or five wouldn't hurt either of you, and quite frankly thats all the either of you really wanted right now.
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hh i wasn’t proud of how the end turned out so apologies for that :/
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ackerfics · 3 years
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edelweiss — levi ackerman.
— levi ackerman x female reader
— warnings: spoilers for season 4 and the good old aot canon-typical violence.
— summary: you pour your unsaid thoughts to levi, only to break a promise that costs you your heart.
— word count: 4.5k
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The sea holds so many promises with its sea-green hue that it spreads a chilling wave through your body like the first breath of winter’s snow. The first time you had ever set eyes on such a majestic view, there was still momentary happiness lingering as your comrades splashed each other with its blue waters. It was a symbol of hope and yet it remained a mystery that prevents all of you from knowing what was beyond this thing called the horizon. You remember how you laughed in delight when Hange presented a bizarre creature on their hands, beckoning you to move closer and focus your entire attention on the small unknown thing lying on your best friend’s palms. You remember glorying under the Sun’s ever singing rays, watching them glitter against every small jostle of water at your feet. You remember turning around to face your lover with a bright smile that might have rendered him speechless — fumbling for words when the two of you face each other.
Those moments were timeless.
Minutes spent wading in the sea was the only time you had peace.
You let out a shuddering breath as you brushed your fingers against the gold band decorating your left ring finger. This is no time to be vulnerable. You were a captain for years, for heaven’s sake, even before Levi joined the Survey Corps. The younger soldiers would feel nervous if they see your unnecessary tears. Hastily wiping them from your cheeks, you turned away from the railing separating you from the dreadful vastness of blue that placed you in such a mood and placed a tentative hand on one of the rooms housing your injured husband.
Entering the small room was more stifling than the situation happening around the continent. It would mean seeing Levi in such a state that would always accumulate unshed tears in your eyes. The bandages wrapping his figure only worsened your melancholy and with every step, you pray that he wouldn’t wake up from the cringing creak of the wood paneling of the floor. The room only had one single bed and a convenient chair on the opposite side of the lone furniture. You wasted no time in lifting the chair to place it beside Levi’s bed, seating yourself with pursed lips and clenched fists. The more time you surveyed his battered body, the more your throat burned with the urge to pour out your feelings in the small confines of the room.
With the Rumbling purging the continents beyond Paradis, this was no time to be relishing in old memories. 
Yet living in those memories you shared with Levi kept you solid.
Your life wasn’t guaranteed in this last mission. There will always be a possibility that you won’t come home with the rest of the people fighting against the Rumbling and you had to make do of the short amount of time you had with Levi. But a part of you was saying that you had to survive no matter what, to make that dream of opening a tea shop in a small village possible — to give your child the freedom and childhood you had never experienced. That little ray of sunshine that came to both you and Levi in times of hopelessness a year after taking back the lost territory of the Walls. He looked like Levi that it was so hard for you to say goodbye, even if it were only missions for weeks on an unknown land. This time, you didn’t utter a single closure to your son, regret started bubbling in the abyss of your mind and stomach.
And now, you don’t know if you could ever meet with your son again.
Taking Levi’s hand as gently as possible, you took a deep breath.
“If time really was against us, I promise I wouldn’t cry. I promise I wouldn’t wait for you because I know you’ll still be the strongest soldier I have ever known. I am a mere mortal compared to you, Levi, and I fear that this dream of ours will have its last breath.”
A bitter chuckle came out of you as your grip on his hand tightened. The memories were now more vivid than usual — the time you introduced yourself to him and his friends from the Underground, the respect that blossomed between you when he knew you will be his new squad leader, the way he looked after you as your second-in-command, you recommending him in the vacant Captain spot of the Survey Corps, and you giving him a welcoming gift in his new office. Then, the images shifted to when he finally kissed you under the canopy of stars, to when he whispered words of reassurance as your bodies erased every space between you, to when you screamed in Shiganshina that you were pregnant with his child, and to when you started carrying his discovered last name along with the birth of your first son.
“The reason these thoughts tend to cloud my head at this moment was that the memories simply flashed in my mind as I stared at the ocean that I always longed for. Memories we shared that might have been fleeting yet they carry a thousand-fold of emotions coursing through every fiber of my being. Funny how every time we went out on an expedition all those years ago, you always told me to keep safe and come back with a heart that’s still beating for you. As if I would ever stop loving you and set my sights romanticizing the Titans as Hange does. I had realized that you never once accepted that my life could abruptly end with a constant war on our hands.
“Until your tired breath from lack of sleep gradually diminishes, this time, I will be the one to protect you and fight until I will let go of my own heart to sing a song worthy of you.”
“Was that a speech of farewell just now?”
Your eyes flew from your joined hands to the dulled gray irises of the keeper of your heart. Before you know it, tears continuously flowed a stream on your cheeks, your shoulders hunched as sobs racked your body. “I don’t know what came over me, must be the tension brought by the possibility of dying when we haven’t even stopped the Rumbling from erasing the rest of humanity.”
“Hey, look at me,” Levi uttered your name so softly as if he was afraid it would sadden you even more. Placing his left hand on your cheek, he wiped the cascading tear that glistened under the mellow glow of the lantern beside his bed. “You’re not going anywhere. Not when I am still alive with limbs fully intact. Well, except for the fact that I lost two of my fingers.” From that, more tears appeared in his view, flustering him in the slightest. “The point is that I will protect you. This dream with our small family will be forever ingrained in our future. You will always have me looking out for you.”
“But I’m supposed to be the one protecting you now.”
“Are you underestimating me?”
You shook your head, covering his hand with both of yours. You placed a tender kiss that you hoped radiated the unsaid thoughts that could ruin the moment you share with him right now. You wanted him to be a part of humanity’s victory against whatever crazy plan Eren has set his mind on.
“Our little boy is waiting for us to come home,” Levi reminded you after a few minutes of silence (with your occasional sniffles here and there). “Isn’t that enough reason for us to come home alive? Imagining him losing one of us was the one thing I don’t want to happen right now. Promise me.” You love the sound of your name when he says it. Akin to the flowers that seem like they hold all the jewels at the center of their petals. “Come home with me safe and sound.”
“I’m not one to keep promises, Levi, you know that.”
“Just this once,” he pleaded. “All I wanted was to have a happy ending with you, my edelweiss.”
With new tears blossoming in your eyes like flowers in spring, you gave Levi a promise that will desperately cling as long as the two of you are alive.
And he regretted making you say those words.
The battle with the Nine Titans of the past proved to be tormenting. With forces so small, the group who allied two countries at constant war with each other fought with bated breath, all eager to get out of the situation alive like no other. As hollow as your chest became after witnessing Hange sacrifice their life to let all of you escape, you steeled yourself and momentarily forgot the emptiness you felt as you landed on top of Eren’s back. You fought back a gag of disgust when you realized that the humungous creature shared similarities with those insects you loathe. However, Armin was captured by a Titan out of nowhere and everything went to absolute shit. Maneuvering in the air was perfect for the remaining members of the Survey Corps as they assessed the onslaught and ongoing appearance of their intelligent enemies on Eren’s back but their numbers continued pouring in. Two thousand years of Titan history right in front of your eyes. Everybody, Mikasa especially, was starting to feel agitated that one of their comrades was hauled away with a good number of Titans to prevent them from saving him.
“Even if I was in perfect shape,” Levi told them while they stayed perched a good kilometers away from Death, “I would still not choose to make a charge there. So calm down. Mikasa, don’t rush. Wait until I distract them.”
You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes. “Levi, don’t overexert yourself. We don’t want to lose you.”
“The feeling’s mutual. Don’t die on me.”
The rush of adrenaline started when Pieck initiated the charge, along with the thought that she had never known Eren unlike the rest of the people behind her. You screamed for her to retreat but they were futile when the Warhammer Titan materialized behind the Shifter and pierced a weapon made of hardened Titan skin through the torso of the woman’s Cart Titan. Gritting your teeth, you followed your comrades in a route specifically to rescue the new commander of the Survey Corps. Thunderspears were released every minute, maneuvers were done in utmost accuracy, and sliced napes gradually increased as your small group evaded every death-defying moment. As you were about to set your sights on one Titan in particular as well as avoid the Colossal Titan, Connie descended when the fifty-meter mass of burning flesh threw Reiner’s inert Titan at the rest of the squad, shaking the entirety of the spine you were carefully standing on. 
“Levi!” you called out desperately when you saw him cough up blood. He was only a few meters away from you and you had to take him away from there fast. However, the sudden motion of a jumping Titan made you rethink your decision, latching your hooks at somewhere near Connie and blinding the creature’s eyes with an angered shout that might have startled it. The horrible creature tried snapping at your form but you were quick enough to evade its jaws with a hiss from your ODM gear, turning in midair to slice the Titan’s nape and rendering it lifeless. Looking down for a moment to check on your blades, you saw the lone pair sitting inside either sheath of the gear. “Fuck. My gas canisters and supply are not cooperating with the situation right now.”
Looking around, you suddenly realized with a hollow chest that everything was hopeless at this point. There was no escape as every intelligent Titan known to mankind swarmed your squad, their shadows a foreboding omen on your death.
Feeling a prickling sensation at the back of your neck, you turned around and saw that the Warhammer Titan was starting to make another one of its weapons, this time, a needle-like spear forming from the hardened material at the bottom of its foot. Shouting at the top of your lungs for your friends to flee, the message only registered to them when you pushed Mikasa, who was dangling in the middle of the trajectory with a determined face, oblivious to the weapon hurtling towards your squad’s direction.
Pain was something you always described as a chain of a chemical reaction. From all the books you read while trying to keep up with the latest idea Hange had, you always marveled at how a small prick of a needle would soon creep the sensation to your entire finger. To prevent yourself from being affected by the pain, you always likened the creeping pain to a blooming blossom in your and Hange’s favorite season. It promised something anew that would grow from the initial pain that racked your body. The dizziness was another story entirely. You never had issues with iron deficiency while growing up. You were a force to be reckoned with — battle scars lining up your legs and knees from all the running and climbing you did as a part of your childhood. These dents on your body grew in numbers as the years passed by until you were granted a position in the military regiment of flying wings and anxiety-ridden adventures. You wore these battle scars proudly like any other soldier.
Then, the promise of being alive rang across your head like a beacon.
That spear caused the entire left side of your torso to be gone.
The shouts of terror and agony from your squad fell on deaf ears as you slowly plummeted to your death. Ah, so that was why you were having flashbacks of your life from gazing at the ocean a final time. Glassy eyes stared lifelessly at the steaming sky as a single voice screamed your name nearly made you smile. You can finally let go of those long, never-ending days now. There won’t be nightmares plaguing you every other night as you finally succumbed to your last sleep. Selfish as it may, you were at peace once again.
“[Name]!”
And when you opened your eyes, a familiar face appeared to greet you and everything felt like a dream you just experienced from a drunken daze.
“Hi, I hope that wasn’t a bad dream.”
You blinked away the drowsiness that fell upon your eyelids, staring at a familiar landscape you only saw in daydreams. The clean air reminded you of the good old days, of summers left uncherished and autumn with its red leaves and yellow treats. There weren’t any Titans looming at every corner of the space and you slightly felt relieved at the thought until a single tear ran down your cheek like a chill in the winter air. 
“Don’t cry.” A slightly panicked tone that only deepened the cut you felt in your chest. “You’re safe here.”
Those words only fuelled your cries. Palms covering your mouth, you uttered the name of the person who would pull you from the inner workings of your mind and bring you back to the surface. You never knew how much you missed them until you wrapped your arms around their shoulders, pulling them in an embrace that you should’ve done before they said their farewells, face taut with determination to stop Eren.
"Hange.”
They smelled like home. Of baked bread during late-night trysts in the kitchens to make them eat after a week of slaving inside their laboratory, of hot chocolate from the marketplace, of scented shampoo from the baths you had to force them. Your grip tightened when you felt their gentle hands reciprocate the hug you showered on them.
“I can’t believe you’re here waiting for me.”
“You did well.” A call of your name snapped you from reuniting with your best friend.
“Erwin?”
A warm smile lifted the said man’s lips as he kneeled beside you and Hange, who was now trying so hard not to cry. “You fought beautifully, [Name], and I’m so glad to see your smile again.”
The overwhelming emotions made you laugh brilliantly in the vast meadow where the veterans once had their picnic. Then, an image of a man with ebony locks and loving steel eyes and a toddler with an uncanny similarity as him made you stop breathing. The tea shop you promised your husband would have. The perfect childhood your son would’ve enjoyed. “What about Caelum? Levi?”
Erwin placed a firm hand on your shoulder. There you realized your torso was still intact. “You will see them as many times as you want. Come,” he took your hand and pulled you up, “the others are waiting. It’s your time to tell your story now.”
“I bet it was interesting since I never got to see it,” Hange interjected, wrapping a nostalgic arm around your shoulders. “That blasted Eren! I will haunt him in his sleep if he survived that massacre he started!”
-
Sleep was never Levi’s friend growing up. It was a realm that he chose not to venture at certain nights, afraid of the demons lurking at every corner of his tunnel vision. There was a time that sleep was kind to him. It took the form of a beautiful sprite with gentle fingers; coaxing him, tugging affectionately on his black locks, and humming lullabies that will guarantee him a good night’s sleep after a tiring day of having responsibilities. Only there was no fairy to lull him to sleep this time around. The nightmare was always the same — it started as any other random memory stored in the kept jar inside his chest, turning the whole scenario in a crescendo until he saw the limp body of his wife dropping lifelessly, the wire of her gear snapping from the impact of a white spear. His wife had the same face as the fairy who he held every night while being in the Survey Corps. The wife who gave him the light of his life, who was sleeping soundly beside him on the bed; black hair tousled, puffy cheeks blabbering drowsy nonsense, and chubby fists clenching on the thick sheets.
Glancing at the child on the bed, Levi ran an agitated hand through his hair, tugging at the roots as hard as he could. His mind flittered to the dream he just had, shocked that no blood and corpses were waiting at the end. Levi doesn’t know if he should be grateful or spooked at the sudden change of his unconscious.
“Guess you won’t be calling me ‘Captain’ anymore, huh, Levi?”
A playful jab colored Levi’s new office. It was a new change from that stuffy bedroom he got back when he was still the second-in-command of the woman standing in the middle of his office as if it was a new wonderland fit for admiring. The room was nothing much. It was an old storage room, which ticked Levi off to many tomorrows, spending every free time polishing the wooden cabinets and bookshelves until they reflected his face. There was an adjoining door to the right of his desk, showing his new sleeping quarters — equipped with a bed, housing double the pillows he got a while back and a soft mattress that his spine was grateful for. Now, the black-haired man observed how [Name]’s face lit up when their eyes met, igniting a foreign feeling inside his stomach and chest.
“So what’s second on the agenda, Captain Levi? I deduced that cleaning is the first one and you finished that without a hitch. You should’ve told me you needed help, I can always spare a few minutes taking a break from paperwork.”
Levi snorted at how smooth the title and his name sounded with the woman’s voice. “Finding brats to place on my squad.” As he fidgeted with the stacks of papers on top of his desk, his gray gaze kept glancing at [Name], who was now sidling up on his bookshelf, occasionally commenting that they pay a visit to the marketplace downtown for some good books to add in his collection. (“Your taste is bland, Levi, spice them up, for fuck’s sake,” to which the man brushed off.) “Uh, if you don’t mind, you can help me with finding some good soldiers for my squad.”
[Eye color] irises immediately snapped to meet his, causing Levi to clear his throat to ease the nervousness that started to chill his spine. It was as if he didn’t spend the past year under her leadership, which amounted to more moments spent with just the two of them. This, however, the nervousness he felt, was uncalled for. The cause being the woman with the unbound hair, curling at the bottom from the hours she pinned it in a bun, and a resolve that rivaled that of a stoked fire shining through her eyes. Truly worthy of the title ‘Humanity’s Beacon’, being one of the few women to ever prove themselves by slaying titans and conditioning their bodies and mind to achieve such an accomplishment. Levi found himself continuously staring at [Name] with the most blatant awe his stoic face could muster. He realized something that might have crossed his mind a couple of times they were together.
[Name] [Last Name] was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“Finding good soldiers?” [Name] hummed, oblivious at the fact that she took the black-haired man’s breath away with a glance. “I think I have some cadets in mind.” Then, she clapped her hands. “But before that, I would like to give you your welcoming present!”
“Welcoming,” Levi trailed off, “present?”
[Name] nodded, turning around to the long couch pushed against the wall. So that’s what that poor excuse of wrapping paper was for, Levi thought. Like a little kid presenting the parent their shitty drawing, [Name] placed the gift in the middle of his desk with a clang. Wait, clang? “I hope I didn’t break it,” the female captain murmured, scratching her head sheepishly. “You can open it now.”
Levi tentatively unwrapped the brown paper around the supposed gift the woman gave him. Upon seeing what was nestled inside the papers, gray eyes met the most tantalizing [eye color] as he slightly gaped in disbelief. “You bought me a,” an eager nod could be seen from the woman in his peripheral vision, “a tea set. And a new jar of tea leaves as well. [Name], I-I couldn’t accept this, this must cost a lot. You know I have plans of buying my own tea set and tea leaves once I have a solid paycheck. These are even made from the highest quality, both of these, how—?”
Laughter bubbled from [Name] as she endearingly stared at the flustered state of her friend, abruptly stopping his chatter. “You’re rambling, Levi. Don’t worry about the lost money, we will be getting our paychecks next month anyway. I don’t have anything to splurge the rest of my savings on, except for a few books and quills. Besides,” she paused to give Levi a brilliant smile that once again rendered him speechless, “I guess giving you these are worth every single penny. Congratulations on being captain, Levi.”
Clearing his throat, he looked away. “Tch, you’re the one who recommended me to Erwin, stop with the congratulations as if you don’t know the promotion.”
“Still stingy, I see. So about those cadets you wanted to recruit. Here, I recommend these people.”
A small weight knocked Levi out of his stupor, silver-gray matching his stare with worried eyes. Small hands plopped on either side of the man’s face, squishing his cheeks as the hunched smaller figure on his lap pouted with furrowed eyebrows. “Dad, did you have a nightmare?” Letting out a sigh, Levi took his son’s hands from his face and proceeded to hug him close. The little boy sensed that his father was in a sad mood because of the man’s tense shoulders so he determinedly patted Levi’s head. “There, there, Dad. It’s more than okay to forget that dream.”
“You know I wouldn’t dare forget your Mom, kid,” Levi murmured, leaning back to look at Caelum with a raised eyebrow.
“You were dreaming about Mom?”
“Yeah.”
Great, his kid inherited his insomniac tendencies. If [Name] would see him now, there would be no doubt she will initiate a late-night tea party with Caelum. The kid also inherited his love for tea (Levi lets him drink fruit teas in the meantime) which is more than fine.
Caelum ducked down, pouting while fiddling with his father’s shirt. “I miss Mom.”
A sad smile pulled on Levi’s lips. “Me, too, kid. Me, too.” He brushed his lips on Caelum’s forehead (which lead to a small whine from the toddler, saying that he’s a big boy and he doesn’t want kisses from his dad) before lying down on the bed, with his son on top of his chest. “Deal with the kisses. Let’s sleep, yeah? Are you sleepy, kid?”
The little boy yawned and rubbed his eye. “Nope.”
Levi snorted. “Well, no shit.”
“That’s a bad word. Mom wouldn’t like you saying it.” Silence enveloped the two until, “Hey, Dad, can you tell me stories about Mom?”
“Go to sleep, brat.” A pause. “She is—,” Levi sighed, “quite a handful, even when she was a captain.”
Caelum huffed. “I already know that. You always complain about it.”
“Well, did I tell you about that time she stood on top of a Titan we were planning to capture, leading it like a horse to our trap?”
The dark-haired boy shook his head adorably. “Did Mom get hurt?”
“That idiot did.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say about Mom!”
“Setting that aside, your Mom…”
Telling stories of [Name] always proved to be quite a time-consuming thing as the toddler fought against his drooping eyelids. Levi fondly stared at the only memory his wife left behind, his hand soothingly rubbed the boy’s back as their breaths turned into a rhythmic melody synced with each other. “I love you, kid. I know your mom will be proud of you. We’ll always be here for you, our edelweiss.”
-
To you, glowing with the suns,
There was no one alive to tell the tale of how the world almost came to an end, how earthquakes rumbled, how hopes were extinguished. There was no one alive to tell the story of how much I dedicate my heart to you. If I’d known it would be this way; I would have written thousands of paragraphs with the way I looked at you as if you were the sea, I would have written the ending with words that rivaled the infinite stars in the cosmos, and I would have finished it off with happiness that we (you) deserve. 
You are my prologue, my epilogue, and every chapter and page in between.
From a tired soldier who loves you until we become ancient,
Your Levi
285 notes · View notes
sainz-zayn · 3 years
Text
Treacherous 01.
Treacherous (adj.)  guilty of or involving betrayal or deception.
Warnings: vulgar foreign language/ foul language, sexual and suggestive themes, betrayal/ betrayal between Johnjae, Illegal drug dealing, mention of blood and wounds, use of gun, smoking, mention of death/ murder, minor character death. This is my first time writing a kind of detailed smut and it`s badly written I`m sorry. I don`t know much about law but I tried since this is kind of Vincenzo au a little far from it but kind of like that and I`m amateur when it come`s to writing again I`m sorry. All Italian/foreign words came from google translate.
► Part 2
Word Count: 10.1k 
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional.
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"Envious causes jealousy and jealousy causes hatred, hatred turns Treacherous causing sins to one another,"  you said letting out a sarcastic chortle.
 "Revenge, you said you want your revenge and I`m more than happy and dreadful to help you" his eyes are flaming and burning fire the beast inside him threatening to come out as anger forms and creeps inside him.
"I`m still not satisfied" you retorted emphasizing each word that is coming out of your lips. 
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Takara Nakajima is one of the most corrupted Lawyers under Gongpyeong law firm has the dirtiest secret and dirt under their family`s name, the enemy of Ferrante`s. One of the cases you need to solve without any of your relatives knowing except for your one adopted cousin Johnny Jun Suh also distinguished as John Ivano Ferrante American/Korean, an Italian citizen.
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"Where are you at 10:00 PM when the victim is rape?" His lawyer asked pacing back in forth waiting for the employer to answer.
"Again I will ask you where are you at exactly 10:00 PM when the victim is rape?" the lawyer questioned the employer again you can see that the employer is fidgeting his fingers and his eyes wandering the room one of the signs that he can be guilty.
"I-I`m home that night I didn`t do anything I didn`t put drugs in her drinks," the employer asserted.
"Objection your honor, Under sexual violence prevention and victims protection act, article 36 any person who dismisses a victim from employment or takes any other measure unfavorable to a victim, in violation of Article 8, shall be punished by imprisonment with labor. In the sexual violence prevention and victims protection act, article 8 No employer shall dismiss any victim or take any other unfavorable measure against him or her on the ground that he or she is the victim of sexual violence and this is what exactly what the employer doing now" you glance at the employer who is accused of doing sexual assault and attempted rape still contradicting what he has done.
"And let me ask one question please allow me your honor" you face the judge waiting for his approval.
"Let`s hear it" the judge simply said and you bow at him.
"No one, not even the police or anyone talks about you putting drugs on her drink, or perhaps you really did?" you ask the employer with anticipation waiting for him to reveal the truth and justice will be served.
"I didn`t, I said I didn`t! byeongsin saekki" the employer said and you glare at him for swearing.
"Your honor this footage from the witness will prove that he's guilty of the accusation that he`s getting" you fight back and you give the flash drive to them and insert it.
"Your honor we decline to accept this evidence!" the lawyer of the defendant said.
"It`s still evidence from the witness you have no choice," you said crossing your arms.
"Quiet! let`s watch the evidence" the judge proclaims making you all stop.
They watch the video of the girl being hauled in a dark place and how the employer does something very unpleasant and the video finishes again and now you still have the victory.
"Employer 5890 will be punished with imprisonment with labor for not more than three years" the judge announces and finalize it with the victim's family crying for winning the case. You walk out of the court with the cold aura you have going back to your office again.
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"Congratulations Y/n or should I say, Chiara Allesandra Ferrante," the person said sarcastically you look at your mortal enemy worst of the worst Takara Nakajima daughter of Nakajima Hiroto owner of Nakajima Enterprises.
"Shut it Nakajima Takara" you rolled your eyes at her purposely bumping your shoulder to hers making her huff.
"Just accept it that you can`t win a single case without bribing the judge how pathetic of you Na.Ka.Ji.Ma" you emphasize her surname with a mocking tone making sure she heard it even though you`re not facing her.
"What did you just say? Apologize now!" Takara is a partner in the Gongpyeong law firm and one of the bossiest ones.
"Mi dispiace, patetico moccioso" you purposely said it since she`s Japanese and she won`t be able to understand that you say "I`m sorry you pathetic brat." you leave her with a teasing grin tainted in your lips.
"What did you just say!?" Takara said stomping her feet to the ground.
"Goodbye," you sing while walking away from her.
You open the door of your office startled by Johnny who is admiring your office, you promptly ran in his direction and hug him as tight as you could. Johnny Suh or John Ivano is not just someone who is adopted for you, you see him as an older brother and a best friend. He is one of the best lawyers in the country and also known worldwide, renowned, and acknowledge as John Ivano Ferrante. Raised by two Italian couples at the age of 3, his parents died in a car accident the cause is still not solved after years of striving for justice to be served. But there is one saying in the Ferrante clan; Never trust anybody because you can find faults and sin even in the most righteous person.
"Ivano!" you jumped to him making him carry you in his arms while you`re clinging to him like a koala.
"Johnny, just call me Johnny" he let out a breathy chortle removing you from his tight grasp shuffling your hair the height difference didn`t help at all.
"Don`t mess up my hair my hairstylist is not available right now, you know Ivano" you emphasize his name teasingly because he doesn`t like to be called Ivano in private unless you called him John.
"Then stop calling me Ivano I`m Johnny okay? want me to spell it out for you?" Johnny raised his eyebrows at you while crossing his arms.
"Fine, fine sorry" you grin at him and shove him off of your chair to sit in it comfortably.
"So? when did you come back? you should have told me you know" you rant at him opening your laptop to explicate to him the new plan that you two have been plotting for approximately 5 years.
"I just got here yesterday night, what`s with the change of plan?" Johnny asked, making his self comfortable on the couch in front of you.
" We can`t stick to the old plan it might affect the others if we continue it so I change it, here look" Johnny stood up from his seat to move to your table and check the new plan.
"Illegal drugs transaction to sexual attraction?" Johnny read it with a furrowed eyebrows analyzing all of the pictures.
"Yes, Nakajima has been selling and importing drugs tricking their clients to buy it by using sexual attraction it`s been going on since the 2000s there are 5 lawyers who fight for this case but Nakajima is always playing the game dirty" you explain to him solemnly, showing him different files and pictures.
"I did some research about them last week the drug dealing is still going on around, we`re still finding Tajimamori Yamamoto one of their oldest lawyer and the most trusted. In the year 1998 Tajimamori fight for the Nakajima case until in the year 2000, Tajimamori just suddenly disappear out of nowhere without any traces. He`s the ace card that we need to find" Johnny explains tapping his fingers on the table, eyebrows furrowed.
"We don`t have much time left, we need to finish this within 6 months we can`t afford to lose this time" you lean back to your chair pinching your nose bridge.
Once this case opens up and once you win the case the Nakajima will fall, Takara Nakajima, you better get ready.
"Revenge is a dish best served cold," you said while clasping your hands together.
"Va servito freddo, that`s the spirit Y/n" Johnny smirk and so did you, without Johnny, this thing will be absurdity and nothing.
"Since you win a new case today lunch is on me c`mon let`s go," Johnny said and you take your purse and clung your arms to his, flashing him a bright smile.
Johnny drives into a nearby restaurant pulling up his car to the parking area when your phone opens by itself with a vibrate. Sign that someone is calling you, you look at Johnny and he nods at you as a gesture to answer the phone. He still didn`t turn off the ignition so you stay in the car and answer the phone.
"Hello? who is this?" you stated through the phone pretending that you don`t know the person calling you.
"Hi, I`m the Information hacker that you`ve called last week I just landed in Korea, can you tell me where I can meet you? I`m in your office right now." the person answered you playing along with your silly joke.
"Oh yeah, I`m in a nearby restaurant I`ll send you the address please feel free to join us for lunch," you said politely to the phone and ended it, you send the address and you go in with Johnny.
"Is that the Information hacker?" Johnny asked with a little off tone in his voice.
"Yeah, I invited him for lunch" you answered him and he only nodded.
"Ms. Ferrante?" you and Johnny heard someone called your name and you stood up from your sit to greet the person.
"It was nice to meet you" you greet him and he gives you a smile showing his whites pearly.
"The pleasure is mine," the guy said back and you smile at him.
"My name is..." the guy was about to Introduced himself when Johnny hastily cut him off.
"Ten Adriano Rossi" Johnny said while wiping his lips with a napkin.
"How did you know him?" you look at Johnny curiously, gesturing Ten to seat with a jaunty grin.
"Don`t you recognize him? he`s ten!" Johnny said calmly.
"Ten lee!?" you exclaimed acting like you don`t know him and he smiled at you opening his arms for you to hug him.
"I`m still here you know?" Johnny cleared his throat and rolled his eyes at you and Ten.
"Okay, okay no more funny business and let`s proceed to the plan," Ten said.
Johnny explained all of the new plans to Ten including the outline of the goals, objectives, measurements, action steps, and responsibilities for each step and negotiation.
"Here`s the information that you need about Tajimamori Yamamoto, he`s seen last week at Osaka and Tokyo and he soon flies to Toronto, Canada." Ten spoke and he settled the brown envelope on the table making sure no one is listening or looking at your conversation.
"Also, yesterday I was hacking the system of Nakajima enterprises but when this confidential file suddenly showed up, I think it`s the record of the money they have been Illegally pocketing," Ten said, sipping the coffee from the cup. The serious look never fading from his face.
"We should keep all of this evidence in a private place where we can easily find it but no one can, once we puzzled this informations and evidence we can open up the case against them with solid evidence that can make them fall," Johnny responded.
Get ready Nakajima the person who will destroy you is already plotting your worst nightmare, Il karma è un boomerang, il mio amato nemico; "karma is a boomerang, my beloved enemy."
Johnny and Ten excuses themselves for a minute to talk about something more private leaving you alone to clear your mind, when renjun`s number pops up on your phone screen. You didn`t answer it at first maybe he was just gonna ask you to buy something on your way home, it`s the 5th time he`s been calling you and it`s like he doesn`t want to stop until you answer. So, you finally answer the phone.
"Y/n!? what the fuck!? I`ve been calling you!" Renjun said through the phone the stress and nervousness in his voice are obvious.
"Watch your language Renjun, what is this time?" you asked him with a stern voice.
"Y/n, you need to get home we have a problem it`s hard to explain just go home right now okay?" Renjun said and he quickly cut the call.
You texted Johnny that you will go home first and he replied "Drive safe" that`s enough for you, you quickly drive to your home it`s a minute drive from the restaurant to home but you could care less how fast you`re driving right now. You know Renjun more than anyone, by just the tone of his voice you already know that something is off. Getting out of the car, you open the door of your house with Renjun behind Doyoung while pacing back and forth biting the tip of his finger.
"What`s going on!?" you asked them, sitting on the couch with heavy breathing.
"Doyoung, Hyung accidentally hack our own system, and the tax evasion record of Tremblay corp is locked and can`t be open" Renjun explained while Doyoung is fully focusing on the computer his finger tapping it so fast.
"What!? Kim Doyoung!" you said his name a little louder making him face you.
"Eojjeorago!? If Haechan is not being an ass and if he didn`t annoy me earlier I wouldn't have accidentally hacked our system!" Doyoung said, asking you what do you want him to do about it a little louder than yours.
"Geuraeso mwo!? I was telling you about the codes but you keep shoving me off!" Haechan fight back and Renjun and you sit there pinching your nose bridge in unison.
"Yah! you two come here now!" you exclaimed a little higher and louder than usual, the two of them stand in front of you and you stood up from your sit grabbing your handbag. At first, you calmly smile at them before hitting them lightly with your bag making them ran away and you chase them.
"Kim Doyoung! Lee Haechan! get your ass in here!" you yelled at them and their playful laugh is only what you heard.
"Y/n, calm down!" Renjun yelled while the three of you, Doyoung, and Haechan is running around the living room.
"Wait, let me explain okay!? Mianhe" Doyoung stops running holding his hands to his chest breathing heavily with Haechan. While Renjun is just standing there his hands resting on his hips stifling his laughter.
"Fine! and you two Johnny and Ten!" you glare at them, Johnny gulps and so did Ten awkwardly scratching their neck.
"You said that you`re just gonna talk in private but why are you two here!?  you two went here first leaving me there!" you grab the pillow and throw it at them luckily they dodge it.
"Now explain" you sat back on the couch a sigh escaping your lips while rubbing your temple softly.
Doyoung explained everything about the system and how he can claim it back in just a few minutes and that`s enough to ease your worries. Of course, you trust Doyoung so much he`s like your sibling but losing all of the confidential files is different.
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"Yun-o, this is the information we gathered about Chiara Allesandra Ferrante she`s also known as Y/n," Yuta said and he leaves the office when another person enters the door.
"Stop investigating her, you will get nothing" Johnny glares at Yun-o who is peacefully sipping the wine.
"Why? is it because she`s your cousin or maybe something else?" Yun-o dropped the envelope on the table chuckling at his response at Johnny.
"Stop putting any malice about me being protective to her will you? Jaehyun il ragazzo innamorato" Johnny tease him by calling him il ragazzo innamorato;"The lover boy"
"Well, stai zitto Ivano" Jaehyun tease back making Johnny glared at him again. stai zitto Ivano; "Shut up Ivano"
Jaehyun or Yun-o owner of Neo tech enterprises, one of the most successful men in South Korea, a pile of girls ready to get in his pants and ready to risk everything just for him. Jaehyun has a visual like Goddess if you`re gonna describe perfection many will use him as an example. Looks, style, professionalism, maturity you can see it all in him.
"I`m warning you Jaehyun," Johnny said seriously taking another sip of wine from his glass.
"I won`t do anything I swear" Jaehyun patted his best friend's shoulder going back to his seat.
"How`s the branch in New york going?" Jaehyun brought up the conversation about their joint company.
"It`s doing good, nothing bad so far but we might get ready we don`t know what will happen. I guess you know what I`m talking about since you`re investigating Y/n" Johnny responded, leaning to his seat with eyes shut. A lot is going on in his mind these days, and half of it is you.
"Well, we are well prepared for that. Just tell me whenever you need my help and by the way, I met Mr. Tremblay last week he seems like he`s in a hurry so we don`t have much time to talk" Jaehyun said staring into a space in his room going deep in his thoughts.
"Yeah, and I heard that his son is hitting on Y/n, his son is an amateur piece of shit," Johnny said letting out a "tsk" gulping down the wine he's drinking making Jaehyun sneer at Johnny.
"Jealousy, dude" Jaehyun tantalized.
"Shut up!" Johnny groaned.
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"Ms. Ferrante you need to go with us!" The door of your office suddenly opens with a loud bang making you jolt in your sit and so did Kun.
"What!? this is absurd" Kun defended you holding your wrist preventing the officer from dragging you away.
"No, Kun it`s okay just call Johnny it`ll be fine," you said calmly before grabbing your bag, the police officer assisting you to follow them.
"I`ll come with you," Kun said keeping up with your pace of the walk.
Everyone outside the building is looking at you, sparing you one glance whispering to their partner's ears. Is gossiping a new trend now? it`s funny how people will talk about you and judge you easily when you just show them the part of you that you want them to see and they will act like they know the whole story of your life.
Arriving at the station the officer asked you to sit down so the interview will start.
"We`ll go straight to the point Ms. Ferrante, someone pointed out that you have been selling drugs and there`s one found in your car yesterday. We can finish this up if you cooperated with us" the police interrogated you, showing the evidence.
"I don`t sell drugs, I don`t do drugs, I never keep one," you said rolling your eyes.
"Then what is this then? a laundry powder?" the police ask sarcastically.
"Guarda, I`m not here so just you can tell and ask your not so lame jokes I said what I said, and can I possibly know who reported this bullshit?" you ask squinting your eyes at the officer, you`re not really like this but since you`re stress and for a woman who has a lot of works to do. This interview is a burden.
"Pick up, pick up, fucking pick up!" Kun grew impatient when Johnny is not answering his calls and messages after trying and trying Johnny finally answered the phone.
"Kun take it easy I`m with Jaehyun right now" and Johnny can feel that Kun has an irritated emotion written on his face right now.
"Yeah, you`re with Jaehyun right now while Y/n and I are in the police station right now uhuh," Kun said.
"Come here right now we need you" and then he ends the call waiting outside until the interview ends.
Hours have passed and the interrogating is still going on and Kun is still waiting for you. Johnny finally arrived, fixing the suit that he`s wearing he asked Kun where you are and he assists Johnny inside.
"John Ivano Ferrante, I`m Y/n`s lawyer," Johnny said full of professionalism.
They settled the problem after almost another 1 hour they finally let you leave. Out of curiosity and frustration wondering who decided to frame you. Of course, Takara is one of the options but maybe there is someone else.
"Can I ask who reported me?" letting out a hiss you ask the officer that arrested you.
"No" the officer simply responded to your question and Johnny holds your right arms. Johnny and you are ready to leave but you still want to know who it is so you turn around again.
"won`t you really gonna tell me?" you ask one more time and that`s enough for Johnny to drag you along with him.
"C`mon let`s go" Johnny drag you along with him but you keep removing his grip.
"One last question, please?" you look at Johnny with puppy eyes but it didn`t work so you stop it and stand straight walking out by yourself but before that, you punch his arms lightly enough for him to hold his arms before walking out.
"I hate you" and Johnny only smiles at himself like a fool before following you outside.
You walk outside and took a deep breath, you look for Kun only to see him leaning in Johnny`s car. You walk to him and he smiles at you.
"Thank you," you said at him.
"Kun, can you drive Y/n home for me? I gotta go somewhere," Johnny said giving Kun the key car. Sparing you a glance but you didn`t bother looking at him back, as if he`s not in front of you.
You go home with Kun the two of you use Johnny`s car and you`re worried about him you really do. The rain keeps pouring and it`s getting darker, more hours pass and you grew more worried the rain is getting heavy. You`re thinking how Johnny will get home in this weather, you lean your head against the windowpane the raindrops sliding outside of the pane when you see a glimpse of a familiar figure.
You ran downstairs as fast as you could grabbing a soft towel with you before opening the door. It`s Johnny, Johnny is soaked wet his hair sticking out in every direction possible, a cut in the lips, and bleeding knuckles. You look up at him with worried eyes and he smiled at you. You don`t know what to say but your next action makes him feel at ease, you hug him your chest touching his. The skin contact that makes him feel comfort.
"What happened?" you asked, you don`t know why you are tearing up when he`s the one in pain. He caressed your face softly and he still didn`t say anything. You invited him inside because it`s his home too. You hold his wrist guiding him in one of the rooms, you don`t know if it`s your room but you could care less until you put an ointment and bandage in his wounds. You make Johnny sit on the bed and handed him a towel while you go in the bathroom to get the things you needed.
You slowly applied the ointment on Johnny`s lips where the cut is while your hands are slightly shaking, not minding the tears that are brimming out of your eyes. You next hold his hands to yours softly and more tear brim in your eyes, you`re so weak when it comes to Johnny and you don`t know what to feel about it.
"I-I`ll do it," Johnny said removing his hands from yours before you grab it again.
"No! I`ll do it!" you said through your sobs, wiping your tears away.
"I can do..." you didn`t let Johnny what he was about to say because you know what it is.
"No! I`ll do it, you said you`re just gonna go somewhere but why do you have this cut and wounds in your body!? I hate it!" you said letting it out as your sobs get louder and Johnny only stayed silent. You covered his knuckles with a bandage softly while he let out a loud hiss.
"You`re strong but why do you let your body take all of this!? you know I hate it when something like this happens to you" you exclaimed tears are still falling from your eyes, you touch the cut on his lips again making him hiss.
The two of you stare at each other for a brief moment and Johnny brushes away the strands of hair that are covering your face when your emotion took over you. Your lips landed on his soft ones with your eyes closed he didn`t kiss back, you`re about to pull away when he holds your nape kissing you back. The two of you stay like that for a fleeting moment.
The two of you pulled away forehead resting on one another when the bedsheet cover suddenly moves revealing Ten with a teasing grin making you pull away from Johnny.
"Is it necessary to make out in my room?" Ten asked still wearing the annoying teasing grin on his face.
"S-shut up!" you said and you walk out of the room leaving Johnny and Ten alone.
"How is it?" Ten didn`t stop teasing Johnny so he grabs the pillow and throws it at ten softly before plopping down at the bed letting his body sink in it.
You open the door of your room and you straightly go to your bed burying your face at the pillow out of embarrassment, tossing around the bed messing it up.
"Did you just kiss your cousin? did you just kiss Johnny Suh? It`s okay, right? the two of us are not blood-related anyways so nothing to worry about yes? no?" burying your face on the pillow once again letting out a muffled scream.
The boys decided to have dinner all at once at home so they ordered food for all of you they start calling you, you just keep answering "Okay" so they decided to stop when your stomach makes a grumbling noise. You open the door of your room only to see Johnny`s fist in the air may be to knock? and you look down.
"A-about earlier" you`re about to apologize to Johnny when he cuts you off.
"It`s okay don`t flutter yourself," Johnny said with a smile and you go downstairs with him.
"Don`t Flutter? who said I`m fluttering myself!?" you scoffed and walk past him closing your eyes for a moment from embarrassment.
"Hey, wait up!" Johnny said grabbing your shoulders.
"Let me walk with you" he added.
The rest of you gathered in the dining room. Laughter, warmth, comfort, are filling up the whole room. Oh, gosh you know how much you miss this after almost a year of not being complete you on the times where you only have Renjun, Jaemin, and Haechan besides you.
"This pizza tastes delicious don`t you think so?" you nodded and giggled, your cheeks stuffed with pizza. All of you are laughing that you didn`t even realize who`s the person beside you, you stay silent for a moment before y`all turn your head once again to the person beside you.
"Mark Lee!" you exclaimed locking him with a tight hug.
"Dude, I can`t breath," Mark said tapping your back lightly and you back away.
"Sorry I got carried away" you beam at him and every one of them hugs him what a beautiful and pleasant event.  
"Announcement! we`re all having a party tomorrow so don`t miss out, I`ll tell y`all the location" Mark happily announced, and y`all cheered stuffing your mouth with food.
You excuse yourself to talk with Mark in private, the two of you sat in the living room looking around before proceeding to talk. Mark looks at you with confused eyes.
"So, what`s going on with Mr. Tremblay?" You asked Mark and now he finally understands.
"About that, he`s company is not doing well plus his son keeps asking me about you that I can`t even go on with a day without him asking me things about you since I sign a partnership with them," Mark answered with a sigh before pulling you into a hug and you rest your head to his arms.
"Is Takara invited to the party?" you ask him while you stare at the ceiling and he plays with your hair.
"Yes, she`s Invited" Mark simply responded.
"Can I ask you a favor for tomorrow?" you asked while looking back up at him.
"Sure, what is it?" you smiled at him for agreeing at first he didn`t buy the idea but there`s no way he can say no to you.
"Thank you, Mark!" you cheered.
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"Papà! you should`ve decline! out of all people why Takara!?" you barged in your father`s office throwing a tantrum as soon as you go face to face with him.
"Don`t raise voice at me Y/n! I`m still your father" your father defends which makes you more frustrated.
"Papà! you know that we can`t have any connection with them when it comes to running a company! this might ruin my plan why did you let them sign the contract!" you can`t help but raise your voice frustration is creeping inside you and you can`t help but let it out.
"Trust me Y/n this will help you sooner or later you will realize it," your father said. How can he be so calm when you`re out here in front of him letting your frustration out.
"Cazzo! this is ridiculous!" you fight back.
"Watch your language Y/n!" you had enough and you don`t think you can go on with this conversation.
"I`m done okay? I`m done!" you left your father`s office angrily closing the door walking fast not caring if anyone is looking.
Your father just makes a contract of partnership with Nakajima`s that makes you infuriated early in the morning. How can he sign an agreement with them?
"Did I just mention the plan to my father!? No, don`t worry Y/n he won`t get it" you talk to yourself taking a deep breath before entering your car, you called Johnny and tell him to meet you in your office in an hour.
"Why did you call me here?" Johnny asked while leaning in the doorway.
"Nice timing let`s go and help me find a dress to wear" you dragged him with you.
Johnny keeps whining about how you can ask for Wendy`s help but you keep shutting him from talking, you tried so many dresses and he keeps saying no which makes you pissed off. You choose a dress a long one and a short one for an option you bought it, it was color red you choose the long one with a deep sidecut that shows the skin of your legs.
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Arriving at the party it`s fabulous and it`s full of people around your age mid-20s and the ones in their 20s you spend the whole night drinking when this beautiful handsome man approaches you.
"Pleasure to meet you I`m Jung Jaehyun," He said offering his hands for you to shake it.
"Ciara Allessandra Ferrante but I`m more comfortable being called Y/n plus don`t act dumb I know you. I`m not a fool I know you hire someone to follow me and investigate me, I know by this time you know all of my plans but don`t worry I know you're trustworthy, and you`re friends with my friends." you took his hands to yours and you gladly shake it.
"Jaehyun? I`ve been looking for you" you heard a familiar voice and you`re completely sure it`s Johnny.
"Chill," Jaehyun said with a smile.
"Ciao Y/n I hope you will like my April fools surprise," she said slipping away the wine your holding.
Takara already left and the whole place gets full and crowded with businessmen, suddenly everyone becomes quiet when the news starts playing.
"Breaking news the well-known CEO and Founder of Phoenix corporation have been found dead at exactly 8:30 PM in his house there`s still no answer what is the cause of death" everyone gasp and you can feel a tear escaping your eyes.
"Papà, this is not real!" you said and you walk out of the party going to your dad but Johnny prevented you from doing so.
"Let go!" you said removing his grasp and he holds you tight to his embrace.
"Your father asked me a favor to not make you see him, he wants you to see him when he`s in the coffin" you didn`t hug him back but you keep crying.
"He`s still my father Johnny I want to see him!" you fight back pushing him through his chest but he won't budge. Of course, he`s stronger than you.
"Let`s go home tomorrow you`ll see him" Johnny whispered at you and you can see Jaehyun looking at you with pity in his eyes.
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"You!" you point at Jaehyun.
"Me?" he answered.
"Yes, you who else?" you talk.
"I want you to join us I know that`s your whole point of investigating me anyway," you said sternly and they all look at you.
"What?" you rolled your eyes at them.
"Tomorrow we have something to do, we`ll make our first move of the plan starting tomorrow I can`t tolerate this anymore after what Nakajimas do to my father.
You throw the glass of wine you`re holding in the wall staining it red, your hands holding tight the table with fire eyes in your eyes throwing daggers anger, guilt, and sorrow that`s all you can feel right now.
"It`s hard to enter that place unless you`re a guess they will let you in mostly couples. So, we need you and Jaehyun to pretend like the two of you are a couple" Jeno spoke you`re about to complain but Johnny already did.
"Couple!? them!?" he exclaimed.
"Yeah, anything wrong with that?" Jeno questioned.
"Nothing" he responded almost whining.
The whole planning already finishes and you`re in your room with Johnny laying in your bed comfortably tossing around.
"I don`t get it out of all people in this house why you and Jaehyun?" Johnny complains while you dry your hair.
"There`s nothing wrong with that plus I think Jaehyun kinda look handsome" you try to test the water and how he would react.
"Yeah, right whatever do whatever you want"  Johnny rolled his eyes and you giggled at his response.
"Jealous now are we?" you teased.
"Me Jealous? no way" he said facing the other side of the bed.
"How about we date? I mean it`s not like we`re blood-related we can easily cut ties and we can announce it for the world to know after we make the Nakajimas fall. Sounds good yeah? no?" you ask him seriously and he faces you.
"Really? like for real? but I`m 2 years older than you thought" he said caressing your face softly.
"It`s not like we have a big age gap, why don`t we try it?" you talked scooting closer to him.
"I don`t see why not?" he replied and you smiled at him.
"Does this mean we`re official?" Johnny asks you.
"Yes, baby," you said teasingly.
"Call me that again," he said back.
"No way" you replied and he hugs you, you spend the whole night with Johnny and the two of you surely have fun. It`s doing okay until Kun decided to barge in your room without even knocking.
"We found Tajimamori Yamamoto he`s currently in Tokyo right now, Johnny we need to fly to Tokyo this might be the last chance that we have to find him," Kun said showing the taken picture of Tajimamori leaving his car.
"We`ll fly tomorrow morning we need Jungwoo to come with us, get everything ready" Johnny responds as you stay quiet.
"Go and pack your things, Kun I`ll book you a flight" you talk and Johnny looks at you before standing up.
"I`ll help you pack your things" you added and he gave you a peck on the lips.
"How many days do you think you will stay there?" you ask him.
"For at least 5 days or 7," he answered.
"Take care make sure you come back without any scars I don`t want to lose you like my dad" you softly said, caressing his face to your hands.
You helped Johnny pack his things and you already book them a flight that will leave tomorrow morning. You slept in Johnny`s room and you make sure to embrace him because you can`t see him personally for at least 5 days or 7.
You wake up without Johnny by your side instead you wake up with Doyoung and Haechan bickering outside the room door, you tried to cover your ears with the pillow but you decided that it`ll be better if you stand up and stop them.
"Finally you wake up! go and take a bath we have a lot of things to do today" Ten said pushing you to your room as you watch the house gets chaotic every second.
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"Tax evasion, Illegal drug dealing, murder, sexual assault. We can sue them by using this plus we have Tajimamori as a witness" you explain, gripping the marker your holding too hard that it makes your palms white.
"I can`t hack the system of Nakajima the file that holds their tax evasion can`t be open I need to be somewhere close to them," Ten said along with Doyoung, all of you think of a way to hack their system.
"Tremblay, Tremblay corp! we can enter Mr. Tremblay's office easily since he`s in Canada I heard that he will be back this Saturday. Mark, you can help us right? you're the only one who is closest to him" you talk as you wait for Mark`s answer.
"Yes, that`ll be easy since his secretary knows me. After that, we can finally file the case and go on, but the only problem is that Jungwoo texted me that they`re having a hard time since they land in Japan. Tajimamori seems to notice that they`re following him" Mark let out a sigh and so did you.
"Can we stop this for a moment there`s nothing but a problem here since I arrived," Mark said which makes you slightly offended at his statement?
"What did you just say?" you asked him with a stern voice.
"Look, Im tired okay?" Mark groaned.
"Neither am I but did you ever hear me complain!?" you fight back.
"Everything is not about you! not everything revolves around you so please if you don`t mind I`ll excuse myself for a moment" Mark leaves the room frustrated, he doesn`t know what`s wrong with him but he knows it`s wrong to let out his anger and frustration at you when you feel just the same way as him. He`s not been himself this fast few days because of what happened to your late father who treats him like he is his own son.
"Y`all can rest if you want, you can leave too if you want to, just say it you all know that I`m not forcing y`all into this," you speak softly before leaving the room with a small smile but deep inside you`re hurt.
You took a deep breath after leaving the room you saw Mark in the living room, you tried avoiding his gaze scared that he`s still not in the mood to talk. He`s watching the TV and you stop in your track when you heard the news, you look at the TV and you can see Wendy`s house and they blurred the body, you know it`s Wendy just by the body you know it`s her out of all people why does the world decide to be cruel to you.
"No, no, not her please tell me it`s not her" you broke down in tears as Mark catches you in his arms, you fell to your knees as your sobs et louder while Mark tries to comfort you. Jaehyun watch what`s happening in front of him, he does feel bad for you. You ran upstairs and grab your keys going outside with others trying to prevent you from leaving.
"Y/n, stop!" Mark`s hold your wrist while you look at him with teary eyes.
"No, Mark I have to see my best friend please, please let go" you remove his grip and he stays quiet as he watches your small figure enter your car.
You arrived at the hospital where you see your best friend's cold and pale body.
"How can they be so heinous!? why do they have to kill you!?" you cry in front of your best friend`s lifeless body.
"Just let it out" you look at the person beside you and it`s Jaehyun, did he follow you? you wiped your tears away standing back up.
"Why did you follow me?" you asked.
"Because you`re not in the right condition right now and I know there`s a lot more going on in your minds" you look at him, his side profile is surely attractive and also comforting.
"Thank you Jaehyun I know I just met you personally last week but I mean it" you spoke softly and he smiled, facing you, he holds you by your shoulders crouching down a little making an eye to eye level.
"It`s okay, I know you for a year now because of the investigation thingy I hope that doesn`t make you uncomfortable that I brought that up," He said showing his attractive smile.
"Forget about the couple thingy that we have to pretend I already talk to Mark, just like what he said earlier we can easily enter Mr. Tremblay`s office so try to worry less okay?" Jaehyun tries to comfort you as much as he can. The two of you go around the town making you forget about everything, you wish you can be with Johnny at a time like this but you know he`s in Japan.
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Three days have passed and you grew closer with Jaehyun, you expect Johnny to arrive tonight because they finally persuade Tajimamori to be the witness.
It`s past midnight and still no sign of Johnny so you decided to wait a little more until you just decided to go to bed and welcome him tomorrow morning.
"Babe? baby wake up" you slightly open your eyes because you feel someone poking your cheeks, your eyes are still blurry so can`t see the person clearly.
"Johnny?" you whispered.
"Yeah, it`s me sorry for waking you up I just need to hear your voice" you smile at his sweetness before going back to sleep.
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"Go inside I`ll wait here," Mark said, looking left to the right to check if anyone sees you and Jaehyun entering.
"Doyoung, Ten? we`re in" you said connecting the device they gave you to the pc. They started doing what they have to do as you watch closely when you can feel the cold metal in your neck.
"Jaehyun, what are you doing?" freezing at your position.
"Nothing, it`s just so funny how you trust me so easily Y/n" He let out a chortle.
"What do you really want?" you question with your eyes close.
"I`m the one who should ask you that, you said you want revenge but your revenge is too boring why don`t we spice it up a bit hmm?" Jaehyun spoke while you stay still.
"What do you want me to do then? Kill Takara?" you don`t where you get that kind of braveness because these days you`ve been down.
"Exactly, how about we do that just the two of us?" Jaehyun removes the blade that threatening to cut your skin.
Doyoung and Ten finish what they`re doing and you leave the building along with Mark, everyone that there`s something very different from how you`re acting since you leave the building but they didn`t mention it.
"Make sure to keep your promise" you whispered at Jaehyun.
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"I love you" Johnny whispered at you.
"I love you too," you said back.
"I want the world to know that you`re mine, you want that too baby?" Johnny said kissing your neck, softly marking you.
"Johnny please," you said with temptation in your voice.
"Please what baby?" Johnny asked you with a seductive voice.
"I want you inside me, I want you to touch me and make me feel so good" you whine making him let out a breathy chuckle at your eagerness.
"Will do princess" he answered.
That night you and Johnny take your time with feeling each other as if there`s no tomorrow for it.
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After that night you have been very distant to Johnny and almost everyone in the house can perceive it. You want to distance yourself because you don`t want him to be hurt so it`ll be better this way, it`s better this way. You keep convincing your day every single day that almost every day you argue with him because that`s the only way you can push him away, you want him not to love you anymore.
Today you saw Johnny with a girl and you can`t help but get jealous but what can you do? he`s still your boyfriend. Of course, you will get jealous but why now when you`re pushing him away.
"I told you already she`s an old colleague! nothing more!" Johnny said with a pissed voice.
"Yeah right, an old colleague who loves touching you did you even see yourself earlier you just let her!" you fight back with a loud voice that the boys outside can hear the two of you arguing.
"What kind of boyfriend do that!?" you continued.
"Woah, then what kind of girlfriend accused his own boyfriend of cheating when it`s not even real!" Johnny retorted making you quiet because it`s true and you don`t have anything about that.
"See? I`m right you keep pushing me off! you can`t even look me in the eyes these days and it`s making me sick, thinking what I have done to make you act like this. It`s so fucking tiring!" he retorted as he slammed the door when he leaves your room.
Everyone keeps themselves busy as if they never heard the argument between you and Johnny. Yes, they`re shocked about the relationship between you and him but it`s not their business to interfere.
You cry yourself to sleep while Johnny gets drunk to sleep, tomorrow is the day where you`re gonna meet up with Jaehyun in the place where the two of you talked about.
"I don`t get it! she keeps pushing me away and it hurts! do you know what I`m fucking saying Jaehyun!?" He said drinking beer to beer nonstop as Jaehyun watch his friend get drunk not even stopping him but why?
"Just give her some time maybe she`s tired" Jaehyun responded.
"I always do that but why is it not enough!?" Johnny cried out.
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"Envious causes jealousy and jealousy causes hatred, hatred turns Treacherous causing sins to one another," you said letting out a sarcastic chortle. 
"Revenge, you said you want your revenge and I`m more than happy and dreadful to help you" his eyes are flaming and burning fire the beast inside him threatening to come out as anger forms and creeps inside him.
"I`m still not satisfied" you retorted emphasizing each word that is coming out of your lips. 
"You drag me into this, this heinous sin that you`ve started is burning inside me. Now, everything doesn`t satisfy me anymore" you yelled the tension getting thicker and thicker. 
"Even though you`re gonna kill me you will get nothing, justice is in my palms in this accursed world," Takara intruded your arguing with Jaehyun, writhing her tied body on the chair. 
"Kill me!" Takara said shooting you a bloodshot glare that only makes your enjoyment alive as you slowly walk towards her with a gun in your hand. 
"Takara, Takara, Takara, you see this? this Russian pistol is what I`m going to use to kill you so don`t try me. Now, what part of your body should I shoot first? back of the head, chest, or maybe your mouth it`ll be more enjoyable that way honey. Oh, another idea maybe I should just strangle you to death" you give her face a few taps on her cheeks the leer in your eyes never leaving hers while she hitches her breath scared that any minute you can pull the trigger on her. 
"You have no conscience, do you?" Takara spoke again with a smirk forming on her lips making you more annoyed and tempted to kill her. 
"Of course I don`t, because you know what? It`s a pity the law doesn`t allow me to be merciful that`s what Javert said in Les Miserables and that`s literally me right now you Figlio di puttana!" you cursed breathily giving her a devilish grin making her slap you with her one free hand holding your face you glare at her, anger building up inside you. 
"Merde! do that again and I`ll kill you!" you hold her side to side eyes widening but Takara only laughs at you and you slap her too before you turn your back at her. 
"fuzakeru na! kill me so you can live longer and live in sorrow, happiness doesn`t exist in the world we`re born but the pain does" she shout with anger in her voice and now she reaches your limit.
"I know, want me to end your pain? then I will, I`ll make sure you suffer and Roth in hell! I will let you know what it feels like to be ripped every single day just like what you did to my best friend when she`s the only one who can understand me in this accursed world! you won`t be here if isn`t for your family`s greed, jealousy, and hatred towards mine!" You shout back pointing the gun at her turning back around to face her.
"A fanabla! Takara" you pull the trigger and shoot her straight at her chest making you fell on your knees with tears brimming in your eyes.
"Why am I even crying?" you wiped your tears away as you slowly stood up and spit to your side. 
"You want it, you get it. Ciao Takara" you laugh smirk is drawn on your lips as you walk out of the abandoned place with Jaehyun while whistling like a psycho.
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"Nice shoot out there" you`re startled by Jaehyun`s voice you thought Johnny was the one using your bathroom but when you turned around you`re eye to eye with Jaehyun water droplets falling from his abs with a towel covering his torso down.
"What the fuck are you doing here!?" you said eyes widening.
"Using your bathroom obviously" he answered coming closer to you.
"and who permitted you to use it!? get out!" you pushed him away but he put his shirt back on luckily his wearing his shorts under his towel only to come closer dangerously close that you can feel his hot breath panning to yours.
You back away until the back of your knees hit the bed making you fall with Jaehyun hovering above you, you know this is wrong and you need to stop Jaehyun.
"Stop!" you keep moving away from him but before you can push him the door suddenly burst open with Johnny looking at the two of you his eyes screaming anger, jealousy, hate, and sadness he feels betrayed. He drops the bouquet on the floor grabbing Jaehyun by his collar.
"I trusted you, you bastard!" Johnny was about to throw a punch on Jaehyun when you stop him.
"Baby no it`s not like that, it`s not what you think it is" you plead, holding his arms.
"So, this is the reason why you`ve been so distant to me lately huh?" Johnny glares at you, this is the first time you see him this fuming mad.
"What the fuck!? of course not!" you defended.
Within a second he throws a punch at Jaehyun which Jaehyun gives back at him you tried to stop them but they are much stronger compared to you.
"Johnny please stop" you shout at them making them stop from gripping each other.
Johnny fixes his clothes giving you a painful glance before leaving, why the fuck are you crying when Johnny is the one in pain right now. You quickly follow him not giving a fuck about Jaehyun.
"Johnny please wait, listen to me please, just please" you plead as you grab a hold of his wrist there`s also a tear escaping his eyes which breaks you more.
"Stop! stop okay? I don`t need any of your explanation" he said coldly before shutting the door of his room.
You stand there dumbfounded with your eyes brimming in tears you go back to your room Jaehyun is trying to apologize but it angers you more, irritating you more, hurting you more.
"Get the fuck out of my sight!" you exclaimed as you push him away.
"I don`t want your apology, your sorry won`t fix anything okay!? now live me the fuck alone!" you`re livid and you`re in your pain. Why are you always the one receiving the pain?
Jaehyun doesn`t say anything anymore leaving you alone, you cried your eyes out. You lost your father, you lost wendy, you lost Johnny. What else do they want to take away from you? sometimes you just wanna sleep and get deep in it so you will never wake up in this realm.
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"Johnny listen to me! what you saw there is nothing I swear please, just please at least talk to her. I`m sorry" Jaehyun rub his face using his palms out of stress and frustration while guilt is creeping up in his body.
"Quit with your bullshits! what do you want me to do? believe you after you deceive me by using Y/n? do you think I didn`t know that the two of you killing Takara? Well, fuck this because Y/n didn`t really kill her! It`s Kun" Johnny retorted. Well, Jaehyun is not shocked about Kun killing Takara since he`s an International agent. He glares at Jaehyun who`s speechless at his older friend's outburst.
"Okay, that shit is on me but don`t let it out on her for fuck sake Johnny the one you witness earlier is not what you think it is! I use her bathroom and decided to tease her not seduce her" A sigh escape Johnny`s lips throwing his head back out of mixed emotion.
"Get out I need some time alone" Johnny spoke without looking at his friend, he let his body fall on the mattress running his hands to his face.
You`ve been lying in your bed for a few hours now and so did Johnny making everyone worried and they didn`t even see a single glimpse of Jaehyun. You`re ashamed so ashamed to talk and face them, you`re the one who plans this revenge but you end up ruining it. Of course, you know it`s not you who kill Takara, you heard it from Johnny and there`s nothing more to deny it.
You really want to see him, you really want to feel him, you really want to apologize. Gathering your courage getting a little bit shameless you got up from your bed opening the door you flinch slightly when you see Johnny standing in front of you, his fist in the air maybe he's about to knock? there`s an awkward tension between the two of you. His eyes that full of love every day is now emotionless.
"D-do you want to come in?" you manage to let out but he didn`t say anything.
He cups your face landing his soft lips on yours pulling you back inside your room. He closes the door using his feet, you pull away from him avoiding his intense gaze. He softly touches your chin making you look at him before kissing you again this time it`s passionate and slow. You want him to stop, you really do but you can`t resist him. Within a moment you`re kissing him back too.
A soft moan escapes your lips as you and Johnny let your body fall on the mattress. Johnny hovering above you makes you feel small underneath him it awaken your inner desires. Johnny leaves traces of wet kisses on your neck making you yearn for his touch. He removes his shirt and so did you, throwing it somewhere in the room.
Tongues pressed together in a hot open-mouthed kiss as he kneaded your breast his other hands slowly making it`s way to your clothed core slowly removing it he rub your sensitive clit.
He stops for a moment before pulling away making you whine lightly at the sudden loss of contact. He removes his pants and boxer tossing it somewhere in the room again before positioning himself in between your legs, pushing in slowly his thrust is deep and slow making you moan in pleasure.
"I-I`m sorry" you let out breathily.
His thrust getting a little bit faster making you grip the sheets as he buried his face at the crook of your neck. You know this will be the last time you can feel him this close to you, the last time you can feel his love for you, the last time he will make you feel loved.
"D-don`t stop please" you stuttered out as tears fall from your eyes.
"Don`t cry you know it hurts me too" he kisses your tears away, his thrust getting sloppy as you can feel yourself about to reach your orgasm.
"Baby I`m gonna cum" you moaned gripping him tightly throwing your head back.
"Neither am I, cum for me," he said softly.
He goes to the bathroom to clean you up and getting a shirt in your closet which is his shirt.
"Is this the last time?" you asked him as he slid the shirt in your body before covering you with the blanket.
"Please, I`m sorry. I`ll do anything for you just please don`t leave me you know you`re the only one I have" you cried. You know you still have the others who treat you like their own sister but Johnny is different.
"Y/n our love it`s not just about holding on sometimes it`s about letting go too it`s treacherous if we love each other in this time it can lead to something else" He manages to speak despite of the lump forming in his throat. You sob in his shoulder clutching his shirt not wanting to let go.
"You need to rest, I want you to close your eyes until you heard the door close. Promise me to not open it" you nodded removing your grip on his shirt, you softly lay in your bed. Johnny kissed you on the forehead, you cry more when you can`t feel his warmth close to you anymore.
You heard the soft click of the door closing, you keep your promise you didn`t open your eyes. The memories you made with him flashes in your mind as you fall asleep.
Johnny stops midway before getting his luggage in his room "I love you" he whispered while looking at your room`s door. Proceeding to do his thing with tears brimming out of his eyes.
It`s currently 2:00 AM now and Jaehyun is accompanying Johnny to the airport.
"I`m sorry for what I`ve done I didn`t mean it as that" Jaehyun asks for forgiveness which Johnny gives back with a smile.
"It`s really not your fault and not Y/n`s fault I really have to do this" Johnny said but Jaehyun didn`t get it.
"Do you really have to leave?" Jaehyun asks once again Johnny nodded before leaving his friend alone the smile on his face quickly fades away as sadness took over it.
“I let go because I want you to hold on a little more longer I`ll promise to be back” Johnny said while tears slowly fall from his eyes, looking at the picture the two of you took together.
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‘It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves’ - William Shakespeare
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amnxsia · 3 years
Text
The Honored One 
“Throughout heaven and earth, I alone am the honored one. Only my pleasure and displeasure exists.”
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A/n: This fic is apart of @zeeroweenies​ fright night collab!
Thank you to @namrekcaivel and @peachy-momos for beta reading!
Both Eren and reader are aged up they are around 4000 years old! 
Mikasa is ooc
Taglist: @kirsteiiins @callmepromise, @namischild, @namrekcaivel, @aotwrites, @erens-piss-cleaner, @sofi-yeager, @peachysimp, @fiaficsxo, @eremiie, @odmlevis, @instantnuma, @levibasketcase, @weepinglevi, @bruhstories, @yuedama
Summary: What do mortals with powers of a demigod on their side desire the most? More power. But that’s were you come in.
Content: A lot of violence, descriptions of violence, death (the reader nor eren dies), angst, smut, slow burn, enemies to lovers, mentions of sacrilege, fingering (fem is receiving) virginity loss but with a twist, squirting, unprotected sex. 
Trigger Warnings: Violence, descriptions of violence, death, descriptions of death, blood, murder, god complex, impact play, edging,  praise kink, corruption.
Word Count: 6436
all references to chainsaw man, jujustu kaisen, and attack on titan belongs to the authors only. 
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Demigods which are offsprings of a god and a human. This particular demigod was the offspring of Grisha and Carla Jeager. Grisha was the god of health and medicine; Asclepius. While Carla was just a ordinary beautiful and strong human who somehow, someway caught the eye of Grisha. They would wed and birth the demigod of war and violence;
Eren Jaeger.
2000 years ago
Carla’s village said his name like a prayer almost everyday at the altar, and it was for sure a prayer. Every since the council of her village had came into contact with him they had gain new and powerful powers, but women of all ages went missing under strange circumstances rumors had started spreading like wildfire, the one rumor that stood out from them all to her was “he would first take their pureness and then devour their souls, as a punishment of falling for temptation.”
Carla’s heart sank, and her anger boiled inside of her now knowing the reason why her mother and dear sisters went missing all those years ago. The endless crying, the endless begging to Gods, now knowing that Grisha Jaeger was her god, he had saved her and her village from living-hell so it only made sense that he take anything and everything that she held dear to he heart. Except for one thing.
You can’t gain anything if you don’t lose anything, right?
Carla dashes out of her old home, nothing but pure hatred, rage, flowing through her veins.
It was a windy, rainy night but that didn’t stop her. She used her “Infinity” to shield her body and view from the falling rain. She keeps running until she finds herself in the main street of the village, she see a moving figure above a lifeless corpse feasting on it’s arm, their face entirely covered in stained blood, from freshly feasting on a arm the once stained blood covered with fresh dripping blood, dripping on the person’s abdomen.
Carla’s grip on her katana tightens.
“GRISHA.” Carla says her breathing becoming labored from all the pent of emotions.
The figure stops and takes off their coat revealing a toned body, paired with sliver rings, accompanied with army boots.
Grisha smirks at Carla. “Well hello Carla I’m so sorry you had to find me like this feasting upon these mortals but I can’t help it, a god has to eat too right?”
“You bastard, how dare you show up to this village, make everyone trust you, and then go behind their backs like this.”
“Oh? You care about these pathetic mortals all of sudden? Don’t you remember what you did? When you finally decided not to give a shit, and finally gave into your bloodlust.”
Your grip on your katana tightens “Don’t try to spin this around on me, what happened to helping, treating everyone, protecting everyone.” 
“PROTECTING EREN?!?”
“What happened to him, huh? What happened to us?”
Grisha starts laughing.
“Eren will end up just like us, but he would be better than me, he would not fall in love with a pathetic mortal. Carla don’t you realize I used you, just for the sake of continuing my bloodline, so the Jaeger family can continue on without me.”
Ignoring the hateful words that came out of Grisha’s mouth. Carla unhooks her katana’s from the case, without having to look up she notices energy started to from from the dead corpses' Grisha had feasted upon.
5?
No.
10?
No.
15.
Alright.
Carla starts to sprint towards the corpses slicing open the first 5.
I can’t spend too much energy on these corpses' I need to save it for Grisha.
In the distance she see’s a chain wrapped around a pole. 
I could insert some of my energy into the chain, and then somehow make the rest of the corpses come into contact with it, then automatically killing them all. 
But there’s a car in front of the pole.
No problem.
Carla starts to run faster, and then pushes her body up in the air, gracefully lacing her hand with the chain.
Just a little energy.
Exerting a small amount of energy with the chain Carla swings the chain in the direction of all the corpses, killing them all.
“GIRSHA” She says running and grabbing her katana and covering it with the chain. She was focused, determined to strike down her husband. She jumps on the roofs of multiple houses.
She knows he’s out of luck by sensing his cursed energy weakening by the minute.
She looks at her surroundings she sees nothing out of the ordinary. So she pulls out a seal, folds in it half, then takes the fold and positions it at the end of her blade slicing it in half, and then positioning it once more so it could stay in place.
And she aims at Grisha.
“Sealing Technique-.”
And then she hears it.
Crying.
A baby.
A baby crying.
She looks around frantically, and then she spots the baby in the middle of the road.
“EREN!”
She jumps off the roof of the house she had once been running on. She instantly lands near Eren’s side dropping her weapon. She swoops down and collects Eren in her arms she starts to rock him with a simile on her face. She looks around her and see’s Grisha grabbing at the Earth she knows she doesn’t have much time left with her son, but she makes it count.
“Eren listen to me and listen to me well. In another 2000 years I will be reincarnated so just wait for me okay? Whoever I reincarnate into please be kind and be loving, don’t let your father’s energy and powers manipulate you into something that you aren’t. Be true and stay true to who you are. I wished I had more time with you as mother and son, but it’s just the way it is loving certain people, loving your father to be specific but I wouldn’t have it any other I love him & you so much. Goodbye Eren.”
And with that Carla feels something sharp go into her back and somehow she gently places you down onto the grass. She falls onto her back, looking upward to meet her husbands lusted filled eyes.
Somehow Carla managed to do the unthinkable.
“Eren will overcome the curse of the Jaeger family, and he will seal your presence away for good I promise you Grisha but first let’s rest for another 2000 years until we meet again.”
Grisha doesn’t say anything.
Carla makes a gesture with her hands and Grisha feels a gust of a wind and looks over and see’s a katana with a sealing heading straight towards his head.
Grisha feels blood trickle down his forehead as he begins to wobble on his feet. He collapses next to Carla who’s takes his hand into his. 
Carla and Grisha both looks over at Eren who’s already out of his blanket, already at the of age 7 he walks towards the rising sun and after taking seven steps Eren looks back at his dying parents he points to the sun and says with a smirk on his face “Throughout Heaven and Earth I alone am The Honored One.”
2000 years later
You awake to your mother patting on your shoulder. “Y/n it’s time to get up today is  a special day for our village and the people in it.”
“What day is it today Mother?” You ask sleep still heavy on your mind.
“Today is the day where we welcome the person who will save us.”
For some reason your head begins to hurt, but you dismiss the feeling.
“Okay. Let me get dress, and I’ll be out there.”
And with that your mother leaves you by yourself to get dressed. While discarding your sleeping clothes you can’t help but to let your mind wander on the mystery person who would “save” your village.
Now making your way to the altar where everyone is supposed to be at, you see your mother and your best friend so you decide to stand by them, and welcome the stranger. While talking to your friend about the mysterious savior you feel a sense of deja vu washes over you. But before you can say anything a group of people begin to come into your line of sight.
 They’re all walking in front of the person of the hour. But your eyes ignore them and they swiftly land on the boy who’s hair is swept back into a manbun, a single ring adorning his thumb. The group of people finally make it to where you and all the other citizens are standing.
The priest says his hello’s, welcome’s, and thank you’s for gathering here. And then he finally turns to boy and introduces him as Eren Jaeger; a demigod who has come to aid the village.
Eren eyes dart to the crowd.
Without even doing, saying anything, everyone got on their knees and hands for him, exchanging thank you’s, welcome’s, and how they believed that he was the almighty one and how blessed they are to be graced with his presence.
But you weren’t on your knees thanking him, no you were there standing with a straight face staring at him. Everyone goes quiet at your clear disrespect, you could hear the faint rustling of the grass you were standing on. The deja vu you were feeling earlier became stronger, and you were determined to figure it out why even if it meant dying at the hands of a god.
Eren’s eyes dart to yours causing the wind current to change. The tension between you both began to thicken. And that’s when Eren begins to walk towards you, but you don’t back down, your body doesn’t shake with fear, not one of your thoughts in your mind tell you to run away. No you were unfazed by him.
Eren’s face is now centimeters apart from yours, you both look directly into each other’s eyes, no you both were looking directly into each other’s souls, trying to find something, anything that you both could grab on and never let go. And that’s when you see his hand come into contact with your jaw, his fingers were pretty you thought.
He drags his index finger across your jaw, and then cups your entire face with his hand. 
“What’s your name, pet?”
“M’ not your pet, get your hands off me.” You slap his hand away from his face.
The contact between you and Eren went straight to his cock, making his entire body shiver in ecstasy.    
Ah. There it is.
“Y/N-” your mother said quickly getting up reaching for your body.
Eren quickly looks to where your mother is “Shut up, and sit down mortal this isn’t your concern.”
Your mother quickly mutters a apology and returns to where she once sat. 
That created arousal which began to drip down into your panties.
Eren turns away from you and your mother his eyes now focused on the higher ups “remember our deal.”
“Yes of course.”
And with that the higher ups begin to make their leave but they notice that Eren is not following them.
“Sir is something wrong?”
Eren ignores them and begins to walk back towards you, this time he grabs your neck roughly, and slams you into the grass, and presses his half-hardened cock against your lower thigh.
“I asked you a question, and I expect you to answer it yeah?”
“Y/n.”
“Y/n what? Use your words pet.”
“Y/n L/n”
And with that he lets you go and retreats with the other higher ups with a smirk on his face.
But he stops again and turns back to you.
He turns to the other people who are still on their knees, and the higher ups. 
“Leave us.” he says and everyone is dismissed, now leaving you and him.
Eren sits down on the grass next you.
“I thought it was common courtesy when a human of low standards like yourself interacts with a high being like myself they’re supposed to kiss me, as a token of their gratitude.”
“And who said I’m grateful to you? All I did was give you my name. And speaking of names you never told me yours.”
“My name? No one has ever been interested in my name, just my title.”
“Title?”
Eren smiles “Each God has it’s own title which everyone refers them to, my birth name is unimportant to the world.”
The sun is beginning to set, and you both fall into a comfortable silence. You gain the courage to break it.
“What if it’s important to me?”
“Oh? We’ve only knew each other for a whole hour and you already asking for my name.” Eren says getting up from sitting on the grass.
“Yeah so?”
That’s when Eren bends over and and his lips are close to the shell of your ear, “You’re going to have to work, beg, show me that you’re worthy of knowing my name and title, and maybe who knows maybe I’ll give you so much more, I genuinely find you intriguing” Eren said licking and gently biting the shell of your ear. 
“So do I” you said your core throbbing with anticipation. “I’m glad, well I’ll see you around pet.” And with that Eren disappears leaving you with a ache between your legs, and so many unanswered questions.
After catching your breath, you began to make your way home realizing that so much time had passed during your conversation with Eren. While making it closer to your home you mind begins to wander about the many things Eren had said. The feeling of remembering him, but from where exactly all clouded your mind, and the ache he left in between your legs. 
You finally arrive at your front door, inhaling a deep breath and exhaling. You open your door to find a empty house, and a note on the dining room table. You walk over to pluck it from the table reading;
Out to get something for dinner! - Mom
Weird. You thought to yourself. Mother always used to preach about being in the house at an appropriate and decent time. You dismiss the thought, turning over the note to see if there was anything else written on it.
The second your skin comes in contact with the note, a surge of electricity shoots through your body going straight to your core. it made you collapse slightly to the floor, making you rut against it causing tiny moans to spill out from your virgin mouth. Your mind instantly shoots back to your interaction with Eren, his words causing more moans to fall out
You dig your hands into your thighs, ceasing, the moans coming from you. But the throbbing in your legs doesn’t cease no they intensify. During this moment and time, nothing else mattered except Eren.
You began to stand up and make your way towards your bedroom. Not after 5 minutes, you find yourself inside your room. You close the door and quickly place yourself in your bed, you prop your legs up and slightly spread your legs so you could have access to your cunt.
But this is as far as you can go, begin a virgin you weren’t sure what to do. all you ever did was dry hump your pillow and sheets when Mother wasn’t looking or wasn’t near.
So you pondered about the best way to successfully chase and fully experience your release. You finally decide to start teasing yourself at the hem of your panties. 
You pause. Deciding to give yourself a moment to rest.
You finally pull down your panties and spread your legs even wider to access even more of your cunt.
You finally enter a finger into your cunt; the new intrusion hurts a bit but the pain quickly transforms into pleasure, overcome by the new found pleasure you quickly thrust your single finger in out of your swollen cunt.
But you suddenly stop. Eren’s words about working for something you want comes rushing back to you. You decide to slow down to relax your breathing.
You close your eyes for what seems about entirety until you open them. Titling your head from the ceiling you see Eren sitting on a chair in front of you with his head in the palm of his ring, adorned hand
“My my, what do we have here?” Eren says in a teasing tone.
“I-” You say with your finger still knuckles deep in your cunt.
“Shush pet, it’s fine. Don’t be ashamed you look so beautiful like that.” Eren says getting up from his chair as he begins to take off his shirt. 
Your mind begins to wander, in thought about how good Eren looks right now before you. shirt thrown to the floor, a  chest sculpted by God. your eyes quickly shift to his cock which is painfully strained against his pants; his hair pulled back into a manbun but it soon begins to unravel. Eren fully discards the hair tie, his brown locks falling to his shoulders.”
Before you know it, Eren is now straddling you. he grabs your hand, swiftly taking your single finger out of your cunt and bringing it to his mouth, licking your finger clean.
Virgin.
Eren’s lust filled eyes dart to your glassy ones. He can feel your trembles beneath him.
Poor baby.
“Pet, what are you so afraid of? I’m not gonna hurt you.” Eren leans down to you biting your earlobe and whispers; “Not unless you want me to of course.”
 You begin to panic. “No, no of course not. I’ve just never done this before.” Eren smirks, giving you a peck on the forehead before scooting off the bed to drop down and come face to face with your throbbing cunt.
The sight of your needy little virgin hole waiting to be filled goes straight to Eren’s cock.
Eren quickly runs his index finger across your folds, gathering your juices. A guttural moan escapes your mouth causing you to shove your face into the pillows, hiding from embarrassment. Eren reaches his hand over your body. he cups your face, guiding it to look at him. 
But before you start, what and who are you?” You ask with pure curiosity lacing your voice. Eren spreads your legs and traces your outer thighs with his pointer finger, smirking to himself.
And at that moment, Eren plunges three of his fingers into your cunt. You release a pornographic like moan.
“I’m whatever you want me to be.”
And at that moment, Eren plunges three of his fingers into your cunt. You release a pornographic like moan.
Naughty girl.
Eren stops momentarily letting you adjust to his size. And after a few seconds he begins to speed up.
“W-what do you mean whatever I want you to be?” You say whimpers catching into your throat.
Eren’s voice was shrouded with lust and darkness.
“That means I can be Your Friend.”
Eren’s body begins to shift to different parts of the room with each word.
“A Lover.”
“A God.”
“The Devil himself.”
“Eren.”
“A son.”
“A Demigod.”
“A human.”
Every word seems to draw you closer to your release.
“Eren I’m-”
“I know pet, cum for me.”
“I’m- cumming!!!”
“Yes, yes just like that pet you got this.” Eren coos into your ear.
And on cue you cum around Eren’s fingers.
What’s happening?
Why does everything feel so good?
Where am I?
So many questions. But the only thing you could think and care about was how good it finally feels to be corrupted. To finally be conquered by the mysterious boy you feel so connected to for some odd reason.
 And suddenly, you’re brought back to reality by the sounds of slurping. You prop yourself up from the bed to see Eren licking his fingers clean from what it seems to be as your juices.
“That was a pretty intense orgasm pet, didn’t know you were a squirter.”
“I didn’t know that either, glad we know now huh?”
“We? So you’re saying there’s a next time?”
“There’s always a next time.”
Eren’s shit-eating grin forms on his face, he gets up and pushes you down onto the bed.
Both of you were panting like bitches in heat. it sure was turning you both on again. But Eren doesn’t do anything. no, he does the opposite. he leans close to your ear and whispers;
“That’s my girl.”
“What-?”
Before you can say anything else, Eren snaps his fingers and disappears. But then the room transports you elsewhere. 
 You’re blinded by a light which takes you a moment to readjust to the lightning. after a few seconds, you open your eyes and awake in a sandy area. The grainy but soft sand slides across your bare body. And for some reason, your hand comes up to your hair; its long and shoulder length. Then you look up to see trails of light in the sky resembling an aurora.
“Hello?! is anyone here?!” You question, trying to get up from the sand but you can’t move. You begin to panic, heartbeat accelerating. “Hello?!! Someone help me! I can’t move, I’m stuck here!!”  
“Hello, is anyone here?” You say trying to get up from the sand but you can’t move. 
You begin to panic, your heartbeat begins to accelerate. “Hello?!! Someone help me I can’t move I’m stuck here!!”
You see a figure in the distance.
Its a girl holding a pail. She has blonde hair thats reaches to her shoulder with a headband accompanying it. though her emotions and face looks unreadable.
“HELLO CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE I DONT KNOW HOW I GOT HERE OR WHY BUT PLEASE HELP ME!!”
The girl crouches down next to you and begins molding your body with the sand.
“Thank you so much. I can’t move, the sand is burying my body.” 
But she doesn’t responds. You’re confused. why isn’t she saying or doing anything to help you get out of here?
As you begin to lose yourself in thought, you catch a glimpse of a few more figures. but as they come closer, you realize that there are more people in the crowd.
Hundreds?
Thousands?
Millions? 
As they get more and more closer to you, you see they’re all walking in a single file line, each of them chained up by their necks and hands.
You look back to the girl to see if her expression changed even a bit.
Nothing. 
She doesn’t even look their way, her eyes paying attention to you and the sand in her hands only.
The people circle around you and the girl, but one of them stands in front of you; their leader. Your eyes dart to the person before you.
“Who are you? What is this place?”
“My name is Carla Jaeger. I’m the past Control Devil, and you’re in the Paths.”
“Paths? Control Devil?”
“Yes, the Paths are where the pervious and most recent Control Devils come to meet but time is irrelevant and conflicting here. The Control Devil is the embodiment of control and order.”
Carla raises her hand out and snaps them, transporting you and everyone to where all the trails converge into one. There, you notice a big glowing-like tree.
“This is the Coordinate. this where all and every human beings come to cross.”
The girl finally stops molding the sand and stands back up with her pail and leaves.
Suddenly, the sand on your body feels lighter so you proceed to get up.
Your appearance has changed. Your hair has become longer and reaches down to your shoulders; the clothes you were once wearing has changed to a white shirt with dark pants and black boots.
As soon you as you rise from the sand, all the previous Control Devil holder’s quickly got down on their hands and knees.
You ignore their presence and you make your way towards Carla.
“I need answers.”
“About?”
“Everything. What the Control Devil is, it’s abilities. and why I am here?”  
Carla sighs, her body tenses. “If I do, your life will be forever changed.”
You stand in front of the glowing tree admiring it.
“My life changed when Eren Jaeger appeared in it.”
“How did you? I didn’t say-” Carla says while approaching you. But then she quickly decides against it, sitting down on the sand instead.
“It’s funny how much information you can get from someone’s body language.”
“Alright, I’ll tell you then. But first off, you need to learn the Jaeger curse and why your here.”
“Go on.”
Jaeger curse? You thought.
“You’re a reincarnation of me. Of the Control Devil specifically. When devils die, they’re automatically reincarnated in the Paths.” 
“So that’s why I’m here.” Your voice laced with a tone of sadness.
“Yes.”
“And the Jaeger curse?”
“The Jaeger curse is a curse within my family. Or the family I married into to be specific. The curse is tempting someone to willingly give something away to gain something else. 2000 years ago, my husband Grisha fell to the curse. we fought, we both died. and Eren-”
“What happened to Eren?” 
“Grisha implanted some of his memories into him. And when you awaken your powers, the memories of Grisha would awaken.” For some reason your blood began to boil and your fists began to ball. You walked to Carla, grabbing her by her chain, forcing her to look directly at you.
“If your implying that my only purpose on this Earth was to kill your only son, then go to hell! What’s the purpose of this reincarnation if all we’re going to do is kill our own flesh and blood?”
“You can’t gain anything in this world without sacrificing something. That’s just how the world is, it’s how that village is.”
“What do you mean that’s how the village is?”
“They’re plotting to kill you both during the Rumbling.”
The Rumbling was a festival where the village would gather together and watch the moon crumble to the sea. it would once again purify the sins of the Earth.
“I’m not letting that happen, not a snowballs chance in hell. How do we break the curse and stop the Rumbling?”
“That’s up to you and Eren I’m afraid.”
Carla’s will over her own body was fading, slowly dissipating. you ran up to her body, grabbing her chain once again, and you closed the distance between you both. 
 “MY NAME IS Y/N L/N, THE NEXT HOLDER OF THE CONTROL DEVIL! CARLA JAEGER, AND THE PREVIOUS HOLDERS OF THE CONTROL DEVIL, WITH MY ALL AND EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF MY POWER, I WILL PUT A END TO THIS CURSE AND TO THIS WORLD!” 
 And with that, every single detail of the Control Devil appeared. All 13 previous holders point their finger at you as their memories come rushing to you simultaneously.
Control Devil Abilities:
Other names; Y/n L/n
Divergence: Crush anyone with an invisible force
Convergence: Can kill anyone if they look, or point at the target
Enhanced smell
Can absorb the life spans of humans through physical contact
Can bestow contracts upon humans 
Restores its health by consuming blood
Should revive in Hell after being killed effectively making it an immortal
Hades Abilities:
Other names; Eren Jaeger 
Inhuman Speed: Can travel and attack at high speeds.
Can sever the arms of several humans.
Death Stare: If staring directly at another being, they will begin to hemorrhage immense amounts of blood until death.
Like the Control Devil Hades can bestow contracts upon humans
Enhanced smell
Unlike the Control Devil Hades will not be reincarnated if the Jaeger curse is broken
Has the power to call on the Founder
You awake, you’re still in your bed. you look down to see your hand out of your folds with cum oozing out of you.
Oh, so that’s what he did. Smart.
You rise from your bed. The Control Devil’s powers, the markings, and the memories; they’re all freshly settling in your brain.
You make your way towards your bedroom mirror taking in your new appearance. 
You smile to yourself tracing your hand on the mirror.
2000 years.
I’m going to kill them all.
I’m going kill them all and I won’t care.
Why?
Because I can and I will.
Starting with that fucking woman.
You put on your shoes, you make your way downstairs noticing that your Mother still wasn’t home but that was alright you thought to yourself knowing you had enough time to carry out your plan.
You enter the kitchen to find the listed items; vinegar, acid, a hammer, and nails.
And you head to the living room to find a stack of playing cards.
You knew that Mother loved white wine, and card games it was her favorites. She talked to fucking much and it’s now going be the reason she dies tonight.
Ironic.
You get two wine cups from the cupboard first filling the cup with actually white wine, secondly adding vinegar, thirdly adding two large doses of acid. And then setting the cards in the middle of the table.
You sit in one of the chairs while propping one of your legs over the other. You decide to drift off to sleep until your Mother arrives home.
You awake from sleep to the sound of a door opening and then quickly closing.
“Ah Y/n sweetie did I wake you?”
“No you didn’t Mother I was actually waiting for you.”
“Oh? What’s the matter?”
“I planned a game for us since we never hangout like Mother and Daughters are supposed to.”
“Oh Y/n you didn’t have to, plus it’s late we should be sleep by now.”
“Oh but I wanted to Mother, and sleep can wait.”
“If you insist then. What’s the game?”
“Drinking and Gambling.”
“What are we gambling?”
Your pathetic life.
“You’ll see.”
“What are the rules?”
“There are no rules we just drink, and talk about our day.”
“Do you want to go first Mother?”
“Sure why not.”
You lean back into your chair patiently waiting for her take a sip of her wine which would cause her to unravel soon, then the real game would begin.
“Nothing really happened today I just worked, helped children and elders at the community center. I met the “Savior” there he told me how good of a person you were. He finds you intriguing. I also meet some of the higher ups who are there to protect Eren their names are Floch, and Armin. He also hangs around a girl named Mikasa.”
“Oh that’s interesting to know thank you so much for sharing.”
“No problem darling, I also went to get food for dinner but it’s cold now so sorry about that.” She starts to giggle a red flush decorating her face showing that the wine is getting to her.
It’s time.
“Let’s play another game shall we? This is going to be the gambling part.” You said taking the cards from the middle of the table, and then opening the box depositing them all on the table in front of you. 
“Oooooo cards!!!” 
You quietly mutter under your breath; “Contract bestowing.”
“Mother before the game starts I’m going to need you to repeat a few words after me.”
“Mmm sure honey!!!”
Bingo.
“Y/n is going to reveal everything about herself and in exchange if I lie I will die.”
You set the hammer and nails down on the table.
“Uh oh honey what’s with the hammer??”
“Oh nothing it’s just for if you decide to step out of line.”
Your mother’s façade changes within seconds and the real person shows.
“Well well, it seems that my daughter is no longer the girl I thought she used to be.”
“Ah there we are! I wasn’t sure if I would need the extra add-ons.” You said pointing to the nails and then throwing them across the room.
“All I need is the hammer and we’re good to go. So mother, do you notice anything different at all? Have any questions or answers for me?”
“You’re not a virgin anymore.”
“Hehe no I am not, your almighty savior took it for me, which I gladly obliged.”
“You’re a slut.” Your mother said her knuckles turning white from how tightly she held the glass.
“No no I’m not a slut mother I’m the Control Devil, and that “Savior” you were talking about isn't a savior at all, he’s Hades or the god of War and Violence.”
“You’re wrong.” Your mother said tears flowing down her face.
“Am I though? All they want in the end is me and Eren’s head on a stake, and our powers for themselves,  they don't care who they hurt unless we’re both 6ft under.”
You get up from your seat making your way towards your mother you crouch down to her ear “In other words, your mere existence means nothing to me and to them, you’re a slave; nothing more than cattle.”
Out of the corner of your eye you see your mother holding a knife in her hand and before you know it she swiftly shoves you with your shoulder causing you to fall down on the floor.
“I’m going to make sure that you die here tonight daughter.” 
She stabs you in the stomach multiple times, the squelching of the knife going in and out of your torso almost unbearable for her to hear but at the same time she feels no remorse.
After about 10 minutes of her stabbing you endlessly just to make sure you were completely dead. She drops the knife on blood-covered floor near your body.
She takes in the scene of the bloody living room, the bookshelf she slammed you into disheveled, the wine glass she was drinking out of on the floor, the hammer you had in your hand flew across the living room and it was a few centimeters away from your body.
“Stupid girl.” She sighed turning around but she suddenly stops in her tracks.
“sTUpiD gIRL¿“ You say rising from the blood covered floor.
“How are you-”
“I made sure you were-”
“dEAD¿ aLiVE?”
You begin to laugh hysterically.
“Your supposed to be dead, I stabbed you over at least 100 times.” Her blood running cold at the mere thought.
You begin to walk to your mother with your organs hanging out your stomach, you place your hand into your stomach ripping out one of your large intestine.
By eating one of intestine you instantly get all of your powers, the stab wounds in your stomach heals and disappears.
“tHATS cORRECT yoU dID sTab mE oVer 100 tIMES, bUT yOU fAil tO rEaliSE...”
“What are you?” She said in a hushed tone cutting you off.
The Honored One. 
“Divergence.” You said raising your hands snapping them with a sinister simile plastered on your face.
Instantly your mother’s limbs, organs, flesh, blood covers everything in the house, painting your face with a dark crimson red flesh mixed in with it. You turn your head darting to the beating heart in the middle of room picking it up you crush her heart.
“...only my displeasure and pleasure exist. No matter how many times you think you’ve stabbed me, no matter how much you want me dead, only my feelings thoughts, and actions exist.”
The Control Devil has awaken! 
The Control Devil has murdered their whole village in a span of 24 hours!
The Control Devil has murdered 1300 people!
Eren’s POV: 2 hours after The Control Devil Awakening, 5 Hours until the Rumbling.
Ah so it’s finally happening.
2000 years.
Oh how I have yearned to meet you Control Devil.
“Master!” I hear Mikasa voice dragging me out of my thoughts. 
“What is it Minnie?”
“You need to stay inside HQ, the Control Devil has awakened!” Mikasa says panic lacing her voice but cracks with nervousness.
“Yes I know Minnie. I’m glad you’re here with me.” I say but the eagerness to meet the Control Devil is getting the better of me.
Mikasa face starts to dust with red pure innocence laced with it. But the throbbing in her panties is covered in pure lust.
Ah. There it is. 
“Minnie why don’t we dance to your favorite song?”
Mikasa’s face brightens up “Stay with Me by Miki please!”
“Of course” I say getting up to the phonograph.
Stay with Me by Miki Mastubara is now playing.
I cry at your door midnight, but you never came back. 
“Master?”
“Yes Minnie?”
“Where were you that night you arrived in the village?” Mikasa said voice laced with pure sadness.
“I met someone new.”
“O-oh”
I reach to cup Mikasa’s cheek.
She hugs me.
“But don’t worry Minnie you’re the only one I have eyes for.”
You always say the same, but I embrace these moments. 
“Master I enjoy our time together no matter how short they are.”
“As so do I.”
“But I have a idea.”
“Oh?”
“I want you deflower me. No no I want us to deflower each other, us both being virgins and you saying you only have eyes for me so I think, no I know that I want us to do this as promise to each other. That we would be committed to each other for all of eternity.”
The phonograph comes to a screeching stop.
“Minnie I don’t think you know what you’re asking for.”
Mikasa suddenly drops to her knees and begins to cry.
“Master please! We’ve know each other since childhood, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! THERE IS NO ONE ELSE FOR ME ITS YOU IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I COULD DIE.”
Eren crouches down to Mikasa and picks up her gently forcing her to look at him.
“Then die.” Eren looks into Mikasa eyes and her head begins to severely ache.
 She beings to scream, her eyes starts to pour out blood, her mouth begins to cough out blood, her ears begin to pool out blood, her nose starts to bleed, but unfortunately for her no one can hear her.
Death Stare.
Her head instantly erupts into nothing but blood and brain matter causing Eren to be covered in blood.
Eren smirks at the mess he’s made.
The phonograph begins to play Stay with Me again.
And those moments are the moments I’ll never forget. 
The door opens to you standing there with a delicate simile with blood on your clothes. 
Eren sits down in his chair.
“Well well, if it isn’t the Control Devil. Pleasure to meet you.”
To be continued?
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jacobsbadwig · 3 years
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Why Twilight Still Hurts Me in Some Ways: A (Really Brief) Look at Leah and Esme
Why Leah Clearwater was important to me as a teenager, and why I mourn for her still? Also why Esme isn’t my favorite character, and why I mourn for her as well?
With Leah, it definitely the fact her story was/is bullshit.
Her agency is taken away.
She’s viewed as bitch and aggressive and vindictive
She’s having to take care of her family after her little brother phases, her dad dies, and she’s going through it.
Not to mention, her dreams are kinda pushed to the side not that I remember the book talking about what she wants to do (it wasn’t relative to Bella’s story).
So much of Leah’s characterization is rooted in racism and racially motivated sexism. But I clung to her because (there were no black girls in the book, thank God, but still) she was the character that fit my reality a little more. Sure, I would love to fuck around with vampires as a certified vampire girl™️. But after I finished the series, I didn’t care the vampires. I really, really hoped that Leah was okay after all this bullshit happened to her for no fucking reason except poor writing and an author bullying her characters.
(I never cared about Bella as a teenager because…honestly she was that girl that I had so much in common with but we could never be friends because she would use me a crutch and siphon the life out of me while she dragged me into her problems and never offer a shoulder to cry on like she does with Jacob….this is another post that you can HMU about later.)
Leah and Esme’s stories parallel in this disgustingly fucked up way. You have Leah who wants to have children, but she is infertile (still unsure if it’s just shifting or if she was always infertile). Esme lost her baby. Esme marries Carlisle and ‘adopts’ these other vampires as her own. (And it’s kinda cruel how Bella discusses this in Breaking Dawn). Leah doesn’t have that. What happens to her is her momma ends up marrying her dad’s best friend whose annoying ass daughter almost got you and everyone you love killed. Now, you’re related to your mortal enemy by marriage. And Leah’s story just.....ends. 
For Esme. I would say she’s back where she started.....? I mean she and Rosalie get to watch Bella ignore her fucking child for eternity. 
But what about Esme? I still feel in some circumstances that there’s no point of her character. I honestly think Alice (who I don’t care for much as I’ve gotten older) is the only one important to Edward besides Carlisle. People have made posts about how Esme could have Jasper’s powers, and I think those posts are great because…..she just seems like she’s there to be a housewife and a mom to Edward.
(There’s nothing wrong with being a housewife or wanting to be one. Had she been written by someone else or had a bigger role, I think Esme would have been someone I relate to now. If you think 18 is the end of your childhood, and it’s not. It’s barely even the beginning of adulthood. You’re not on a ticking time bomb. Please know this, and enjoy your youth. Reclaim the parts you feel you missed out on. You  have my permission and a boon.)
Honestly, if I were turned into a vampire now at 27 (but under severely different circumstances), I’d be okay after a while like Esme (because she only “wins” by carrying a torch for hottie Vampire. M.D.)
But Stephenie Meyer also forces Esme to be something stereotypical and somewhat ideal.
Does Esme still like to climb trees or did she give all that up? (Was that even in the book or one of Smeyers ‘backstories’?)
Why does she cling to building houses and fixing them up beyond the Susan Homemaker thing?
Just like Bella is written for Edward (and not vice versa IMO), Esme is written more for Edward than she is for Carlisle. Most of the women in Twilight are written in relation to Edward. They are examples of how Bella should and shouldn’t act if she wants to secure the bag and be the perfect bride for Edward….even though it kills her literally physically and mentally and even emotionally.
Esme is the “ideal woman,” and Leah Clearwater is “shrew.” 
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edenmemes · 4 years
Text
hades sentence starters
❝ somebody else came through earlier. you should have seen the look on my face when it wasn’t you! ❞ ❝ let’s forgive each other and forget, go back to how things used to be? ❞ ❝ right now i wouldn’t talk to me if i were you. ❞ ❝ i’ll have to pick up the pieces somehow, and figure out how to get on with my existence. ❞ ❝ we have caused such violence in the intervening time, that we must take this as a real victory. ❞ ❝ i’ll wait for you however long it takes. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. but this is something i have to do. you wouldn’t understand. ❞ ❝ the only one responsible for all of this is you. and i thought even you would have understood that by now. ❞ ❝ i don’t like it when you’re quiet for too long, what’s on your mind? ❞ ❝ what is it with you gods talking behind the backs of all your friends? ❞ ❝ the world you seek out there...it’s even crueler than the one you know. ❞ ❝ look, i don’t hold grudges, you know that. ❞ ❝ i’m worried you’re going to burn yourself out if you keep pushing yourself past your limits. ❞ ❝ your lapse in judgement here is not so easy to forgive, yet easily punished. ❞ ❝ i didn’t mean to lose my temper with you. ❞ ❝ the fates are pretty mean to keep on doing this to you. ❞ ❝ i hardly think this is the time or place to indulge your overwrought imagination. ❞ ❝ for our sparring practice, there's no teacher than the real thing. ❞ ❝ they say a lot of things about me; and they’ll tell you, ample caution is in order. ❞ ❝ either your limitless power has considerably waned, are you are up to something. ❞ ❝ i risked everything by helping you out there. ❞ ❝ my voice is nothing but the crunch of gravel underfoot compared to yours, which soars as though on wings. ❞ ❝ to doubt is an important instinct. without it, we could not conceive of better circumstances than the ones we know. ❞ ❝ let’s not set a bad example for the family. we’re better than all that, they’ve many bad examples as it is. ❞ ❝ you are persuasive like your mother, and determined like your father. ❞ ❝ if you think for an instant that i shall go easier on you, you’ll soon learn otherwise. ❞ ❝ is clinging to a memory what keeps the soul from fading? ❞ ❝ don’t know what it is about you, but i feel like i can be me with you, you know? ❞ ❝ war, much like the heavens and the sea, can be considered as a force of nature. ❞ ❝ if you know that you could only see me for but a moment’s time...would you still make the journey for me? ❞ ❝ i, too, wish for a lot of things. unfortunately there’s no unraveling the fates’ patterns. ❞ ❝ i left when it was necessary. i thought of you and hoped you’d understand. ❞ ❝ all of which you think you have achieved was merely handed to you. ❞     ❝ the past me, it’s as though...it wasn’t even me. this is me, now. ❞ ❝ in war, one must take sides, and you had best choose mine. ❞ ❝ i do not act by whim or by mistake. ❞ ❝ i just don’t understand. why keep on being nice to me, like this? ❞ ❝ you’re so much more than what you said. i wish you could see that. ❞ ❝ it’s really nice, sometimes...knowing somebody really cares about me. ❞ ❝ my father? he’d not a one redeeming quality. ❞ ❝ we can learn from our mistakes or we can keep repeating them. ❞     ❝ there’s nothing you can do to hurt me. ❞     ❝ soon doubtless it’ll be your portrait hanging on that wall back there. ❞ ❝ just don’t go starting any wars you don’t intend to finish. ❞ ❝ you do something for me, in the meantime: don’t give in to what you’re feeling now. ❞ ❝ it is not often i attempt to kill someone and they survive. bravo! ❞ ❝ why does the soul remain, after the body bleeds, and dies, and turns to ash? ❞ ❝ all gods and goddesses are to be feared. ❞ ❝ what more could i have even done? could i have swayed you, in any other way? ❞ ❝ i tried, with all my might, with all my heart, you must know that, and still, it never was enough. ❞ ❝ i’m pleased to see your father’s stubbornness is manifest in you as such determination. ❞ ❝ i’m really starting to hate you. you know that? ❞ ❝ know that i am grateful for the outcome. even if i fail to act like it ❞ ❝ i’m with you every step. then i will probably ignore you like the rest. just warning you ahead of time. ❞ ❝ i only wish we met sooner, though i’m grateful to have met you at all. ❞ ❝ you work too hard. live a little. ❞ ❝ i warn you: i shall hold nothing back. ❞ ❝ that’s something very private that you’re asking... ❞ ❝ use caution with the tone you take with me. ❞ ❝ if you have any sense remaining in that head of yours, i caution you not to discuss this here and now. ❞ ❝ you saw something in me i never knew was there. in turn, with you, i felt....calm. whole. ❞ ❝ i only know that i was filled with rage. ❞ ❝ the fates decided this for us, i guess, and so...who are we to complain? ❞ ❝ i pray the fates not ruin all your dreams as they did mine. ❞ ❝ what’s the worst that could happen? ❞ ❝ they left their mark upon the world. shall you? ❞ ❝ your mockery of me may temporarily embolden you, but achieves nothing useful in the end. ❞ ❝ what exactly is it that makes you feel entitled to show me such disrespect? ❞ ❝ i’ve got to admit, you are really frustrating, you know? ❞ ❝ i seem to have this whole ‘easy-to-underestimate’ thing about me. ❞ ❝ you seem a little quieter than usual. dare i even say a little somber and remorseful, for some reason? ❞ ❝ it’s because i like you. in case you still have some misgivings about that. ❞ ❝ keep following that heart of yours. it’s good enough a guide, believe me. ❞ ❝ you always seem in good spirits, though. ❞ ❝ i cannot change the past. and there is only so much i can do about the future. ❞ ❝ a loving heart is a forgiving heart. ❞ ❝ just in case it hasn’t been made clear as crystal lately, let me tell you: when presented with the opportunity, don’t ever reject me. ❞ ❝ you know, i got to say i had a few concerns when we first met, your father being who he is and all. ❞ ❝ i like it when my prey bites back. ❞ ❝ my attempts at making peace are going to be rather subtle for your tastes. ❞ ❝ you'd best not take for granted my affection yes, i’ve lots of it to go around; but i can just as easily rescind such privileges. ❞ ❝ don't be messing with my feelings. my loyalty's hard-won and quickly lost. ❞ ❝ the truth is i’m a lover, not a fighter. ❞ ❝ if i may say? you’re a hell of a guy. ❞ ❝ you truly take me to the best of places. ❞ ❝ death shall come. either to your enemies, or you. ❞ ❝ a mortal’s life is short, and fraught with pain; is that truly the life you yearn for? ❞ ❝ you think you are superior to me? you are a fool. ❞ ❝ even i have doubts, from time to time. ❞ ❝ i wasn’t expecting to make any new friends here anytime soon. ❞ ❝ i grow angry merely thinking of your situation. ❞ ❝ i wanted to apologize for when i pried about your past. ❞ ❝ nobody gets out of here, whether alive or dead. you think i jest? you think i haven’t tried? ❞ ❝ they got me, finally, of course. but not before i broke them first. ❞ ❝ you are immortal, but in a manner, you can die. ❞ ❝ you have a lot of nerve --- but little else. ❞ ❝ oh, you look terrible, if i may say. ❞ ❝ you’re either naive or you’re much too kind, or both. ❞ ❝ despite whatever difficulties you’ve encountered, again and again, you have never yielded. ❞ ❝ though, that war? don’t ask me about it again. all right? ❞ ❝ you may not make your father very proud, but it is just the opposite with me. ❞ ❝ even i’m beginning to fear you, i think. seems i don’t know you as well as i thought. ❞ ❝ you have a worried look about you. spare me your thoughts? ❞ ❝ names are there to be forgotten. ❞ ❝ it’s not your fault. you couldn’t have known. ❞ ❝ i know it’s not been easy for you. ❞ ❝ you honor me...i have done nothing to deserve this. ❞ ❝ oh, how i hate to fight with you like this! ❞ ❝ follow your heart? that’s odd advice, especially from you. ❞ ❝ the fear of death keeps mortals well in check. you’d best learn to fear something yourself. ❞ ❝ you are going to get me in a heap of trouble before all is said and done. ❞ ❝ i'll hear no more such wicked lies, half-truths, or quarter-truths. ❞ ❝ well, if you won’t say it, i’ll say it. good-bye. ❞ ❝ i know of no one, nothing stronger, other than the love we share. ❞ ❝ i’ve some memories i’m not quite ready to give up on, yet. ❞ ❝ you seem less warlike than the rest. ❞ ❝ can’t always trust what feelings say. ❞ ❝ my temper i shall keep in check, but only barely so. ❞ ❝ i am unmade, unwhole, here in this place, alone. ❞ ❝ my past is not really worth mentioning. ❞ ❝ you may not really need me, but i will take these opportunities to help. ❞ ❝ you sound a little tongue-tied. just like you always used to around me. ❞     ❝ you should be ashamed of yourself, and learn your place. ❞ ❝ this look like a shoulder to cry on to you? ❞ ❝ ...you know who you sound like right now, don’t you? i can’t believe this. ❞     ❝ i think, deep down, you are still that inexperienced little godling that you used to be. ❞ ❝ i always had doubts the gods were listening. that they could even hear. ❞ ❝ i was just checking up on you, just...let me know if you wanted to talk, for any reason. ❞ ❝ if there’s one thing i know, it’s that the three fates always get their way. ❞ ❝ hey, you’re not alone. you’re not alone, ok? ❞ ❝ you're not exactly easy to approach, you know. ❞          ❝ i grieve for you, my friend. ❞ ❝ are you lecturing me about healthy relationships with family? your family is the most broken and corrupted in the history of the entire concept. ❞ ❝ you think you can just walk away from me? ❞ ❝ how about it, then? care for a drink, with me? ❞     ❝ you are entirely too young to have had meaningful experience with loss. ❞ ❝ something the matter, there? or have you come to torment me some more with idle chat? ❞ ❝ you will find me waiting for you once you get here. every single time. ❞ ❝ men worship ares willingly; they are so much like him. ❞ ❝ while love’s the force that brought me and countless other’s low in life, it also brought me and countless others strength. ❞ ❝ others shall always doubt me. you may doubt me. ❞ ❝ beware the narrow distance between hastiness and swiftness. ❞ ❝ a crashing wave or thundering tempest are nothing to a broken heart. ❞ ❝ think back on when you started all of this. you now know so much more. are capable of so much more. ❞ ❝ as ever, you think only of yourself. ❞ ❝ this is where you belong. you feel out of place? where would you even go? your place is here. ❞ ❝ your path is yours to shape as you see fit, regardless of the fates’ design. ❞ ❝ you’re no god! you’re nothing but a piece of trash, born into all of this. ❞ ❝ you seem to have me all figured out. and here i thought we were still getting to know each other. ❞ ❝ are there truly no depths to which you would not stoop? ❞ ❝ leave me be, and don’t think you’re going to be so lucky next time we meet out there. ❞ ❝ you have the tendency to ask too many questions. ❞ ❝ i smell the blood on you. you are severely wounded. ❞ ❝ don’t be messing with my feelings there. my trust is hard-won and quickly lost. ❞ ❝ if you wish to test the fine relationship we’ve built, why then, i can confirm you’re testing it, all right. ❞ ❝ don’t ever take me for some thoughtless nymph to be manipulated. ❞ ❝ don’t get on my father’s bad side like that and you’re going to be fine. ❞ ❝ how’s your endless toil treating you? ❞ ❝ i’d never trade my bow for all that pomp and armor. but, to each their own. ❞ ❝ let me see you now for what you truly are. ❞ ❝ was i deceived, in thinking this of you, of us? ❞ ❝ i get what i want around here. ❞ ❝ don’t you understand i’m trying to fix the problems you caused? ❞ ❝ the gods are on my side, not yours. ❞ ❝ don’t you dare look at me like that. ❞ ❝ life isn’t particularly fair. i’d have expected you to know as much. ❞ ❝ i’m leaving. try and stop me. ❞ ❝ you have no concept of which impulses to act upon, and which to keep in check. ❞ ❝ when i inevitably, inadvertently trample all over your feelings at some point, please tell me, all right? ❞ ❝ you don’t even know who i am. who i was. ❞ ❝ won’t you come back to me? when you are able, please. come back. i shall be waiting here, however long it takes. ❞ ❝ never met a god that bleeds like you. red. like a worthless mortal. ❞ ❝ i got to hanf it to you. you don’t back down. you don’t ever back down. ❞ ❝ i’ve a tip for you: don’t be slow! ❞ ❝ you can’t escape your problems. you have no choice but to confront them, and work through it, sooner or later, one way or another. ❞ ❝ i knew you had a more sinister trick at play, because your fighting style certainly is of no concern just on its own. ❞ ❝ i...feel awful. i...i have to go. ❞ ❝ once people set their minds to certain things, it can be difficult to show them other possibilites exist. ❞ ❝ there’s something that i’ve wished to tell you: there’s no shame in your upbringing. ❞ ❝ i have known too many far too proud to accept help, even when it was sorely needed. ❞ ❝ may you yet come to your senses. ❞ ❝ i have virtually done everything within my powers to prevent this. all of it...for nothing. ❞ ❝ you can’t be serious. you’re going to pretend as though it never happened? ❞ ❝ seems i’m left to thanking myself, since you’re too proud to do it. ❞ ❝ fight like i’d fight out there. ❞ ❝ what have i done to deserve such scorn? ❞ ❝ you left, without so much as telling me good-bye. ❞ ❝ you’ve such weak blood, and such a temperament... ❞ ❝ i am very, very sure i haven’t murdered anyone. ❞ ❝ i am truly blessed simply to have made your acquantince. ❞ ❝ you wish to take advantage of my pity? ❞ ❝ it comforts me to see how far you’ve come. ❞ ❝ i’ve always wanted to kill a god. you’ll have to do. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to give me something in return, it was a gift! ❞ ❝ you know i’d take you if i could. ❞ ❝ you shut your mouth right now, with that. ❞ ❝ it’s never been an easy time for me. ❞ ❝ why do you think i keep on showing up? ❞ ❝ who might you be, wandering all the way out here? you’re trespassing on private property, you know. ❞ ❝ i’d rather have you as a friiend than as a foe. ❞ ❝ really, you’re kicking me out? why? ❞ ❝ you’re funny, but you’ll break. they always do. ❞ ❝ you must think that i abandoned you. you think i had a choice?❞ ❝ you’re stuck with me forever. remember that. ❞ ❝ you know these heroes by their deeds, not by their character. ❞ ❝ some would question the destruction which you sow, but i shall never do so. i fully understand your impulses. ❞ ❝ you’re quite effective at locating me, but not so good at leaving me in peace. ❞ ❝ you don’t need me & i don’t need you. ❞ ❝ you lived through all that? ❞ ❝ my heart soars, knowing you live. then it breaks, that our time together was so brief. ❞ ❝ you’ve only me. and i have only you. ❞ ❝ sulk in your chambers all you like, for i care not. ❞ ❝ where did you go...? what did you do...? ❞ ❝ monster! you have no bearing, grace or courage! ❞ ❝ you’re beneath the notice of the gods. i have earned their favor. ❞ ❝ your youth provides you with a certain mindless strength. ❞ ❝ wait. i don’t think i owe you any favors, here. ❞ ❝ you appear to have grown stronger since when last we interacted. ❞ ❝ please...it was never my wish to hurt you. ❞ ❝ death is your only family. ❞ ❝ i too was born of darkness, but i chose the path of light. ❞ ❝ don’t know how come everybody doesn’t sing. lightens the mood, passes the time. what’s not to like? ❞ ❝ you come from the bowels of hell. this is not your place. ❞ ❝ heroes? mere mortals, same as all the rest. ❞ ❝ offend me, and i’ll drain the last traces of colour from your cheeks. ❞ ❝ punishment is not the path to rehabilitation. ❞ ❝ you’re nothing like your father. i mean that as a compliment. ❞ ❝ i just hope that their intentions are as pure as they appear. ❞ ❝ don’t be sad, pretty much everybody dies sometime. ❞ ❝ i’ve done some things that maybe aren’t great. ❞ ❝ actions beat intentions. ❞ ❝ look! i’m grinning ear to ear! ❞ ❝ my fits of anger come and go just like the tides. ❞ ❝ you know, i’d rather have my eyes put out, but thanks for offering! ❞    ❝ you will need to face your fears someday. ❞ ❝ true wisdom only comes with age. ❞ ❝ something has stirred within your heart. i can always tell. ❞ ❝ or...wait...what is this, did you just ask me out? ❞ ❝ i’m getting awful sick of seeing your smug face, time, after time, after time. ❞ ❝ your humility is matched only by your perseverance in the face of adversity. ❞ ❝ your stubborness shall only bring you pain. ❞ ❝ sometimes, our hearts become so full that they could burst. if only you could see how much i care. ❞ ❝ let’s see if you’re as skillful as you think. ❞ ❝ wait, you’re not serious. that famous sense of humor shining through. ❞ ❝ i’m surrounded by my family, but i always feel alone. ❞ ❝ i shall make myself quite clear in one respect: i fear i have a lack of patience for discussion. ❞ ❝ thought i might find you all the way out here. although, quite frankly, i’m surprised you’re still alive. ❞ ❝ absolute silence is my general preference. it may not be yours. ❞ ❝ i just like to see you menacingly smile. ❞ ❝ don’t tell anyone about this, understand? ❞ ❝ i told you i don’t need your help. ❞ ❝ you’re much too modest for someone with such a number of heroic deeds to their name. ❞ ❝ if anybody asks, we’re even. ❞ ❝ we had a lovely time getting to know each other. we laughed, we cried! ❞ ❝ what’s the matter, you gone soft or something? ❞ ❝ be sure to add those to the list of words you’ll eat someday. ❞ ❝ you know i’d do just about anything to aid you. ❞ ❝ you again. i told you to stay clear of me. ❞ ❝ in spite of all your efforts, it is probably the case that you still have a long and painful road ahead. ❞ ❝ you’ve always cared for me. i can’t ever repay you for that. ❞ ❝ i just thought i’d say, that was well fought back there. ❞ ❝ hush, it’s the god of trash, come once again to filthy up this place. ❞ ❝ changed your mind yet, or looking for more pain and suffering? ❞ ❝ maybe get some sleep or something? you look pretty beat. ❞ ❝ look, i’ve got a reputation to uphold. ❞ ❝ your father’s quite the big shot around here, but that means nothing to me, understand? ❞ ❝ you don’t have what it takes. nobody does. ❞ ❝ there’s no returning to the way things used to be. ❞ ❝ can i offer you some words of advice? get over yourself. ❞ ❝ fear is for the weak. ❞ ❝ you now what i like about you? the way you bleed. ❞ ❝ may all the death you bring become the stuff of legends told in fearful mortal whisperings around the world. ❞ ❝ i just happen to think you deserve better than you’ve got. ❞ ❝ no love without pain. ❞ ❝ failure is the greatest instructor of all. ❞ ❝ i think you feel like you have some sort of fearsome reputation to uphold. ❞ ❝ you know what? i think we’re finished here. ❞ ❝ i know you’re not in a good spot right now. ❞ ❝ what you’re attempting is impossible. ❞ ❝ i’m not your practice partner, fool. ❞ ❝ i know you don’t mean any harm, but it just isn’t something i discuss with anyone, ok? ❞ ❝ first you defy me openly, and now you lie. ❞ ❝ admit it. you can’t stop thinking about me. ❞ ❝ i’d like to be alone again, so you go on ahead. ❞ ❝ maybe this might numb the pain a bit. ❞ ❝ something’s troubled me a little, about you. ❞ ❝ your failure is quite easily imagined. how often it recurs! ❞ ❝ found this, thought of you and all that, so...here. ❞ ❝ how i love these unexpected little run-ins with you. ❞ ❝ what brings you back around this way again? ❞ ❝ now what’s the matter? it’s like you’ve been up feasting day and night, you’re barely standing, everything ok? ❞ ❝ first i found you, i was certain that you had no chance at all. ❞ ❝ if it wasn’t you proposing it, i’d like to call it madness. ❞ ❝ i'll sleep when i’m dead. ❞ ❝ thank you for not forgetting about me. ❞ ❝ you must see plainly, then, what your birthright amounts to: you’re no better off than any of us here. ❞ ❝ i’ll do my best. for both our sakes. ❞ ❝ the world is not all lies and deceit as you make it out to be. ❞ ❝ you fight so desperately. at first i thought you simply lacked in patience. but now i see it’s urgency that drives you. ❞ ❝ you don’t know who or what you’re dealing with. ❞ ❝ who are you to judge, you misbegotten, shameful, unfilial maggot? ❞ ❝ you’re getting real predictable, you know. ❞ ❝ no one can avoid taking sides forever. but you can take the more sensible side, at least. ❞ ❝ ahh, so you are taking pity on me, then? ❞ ❝ thank you for making me feel welcome in your pleasant home. can’t say the same for most places i’ve been lately. ❞   ❝ i would very much prefer to think we both know better than to let old grudges stew forever. ❞ ❝ nothing is ever perfect, right? no matter how hard you try. ❞ ❝ while i know what you meant, i don’t want you to say such things again. ❞ ❝ look at you, you’re hurt there pretty bad. ❞     ❝ i can’t be completely sure but, what you said just now i think contained some of the component pieces of a compliment? ❞ ❝ don’t fall for mortals. use them if you must, but do not waste your love on those who waste away. ❞ ❝ you’re stubborn. however, so am i. ❞ ❝ you think me cruel, yet know nothing of cruelty. ❞ ❝ you just stick with me, i’ve always time for you. ❞ ❝ you look a little down and so i was just wondering, would you perchance fancy a song right now? ❞ ❝ i get the feeling we’re starting off on the wrong foot. ❞ ❝ a harsh winter is coming for you. and i’m afraid you’ve brought it on yourself. ❞ ❝ i was unkind last time. forgive my indiscretions there...or don’t. but i wished to apologize. ❞ ❝ don’t suppose i can talk you into fighting back this time? ❞ ❝ go occupy yourself someplace else. ❞ ❝ don’t feel bad! it had to happen! but if it’s any consolation, it’ll probably happen again! ❞ ❝ you’re running from yourself. ❞ ❝ wine does have a rather special way of making everybody look even more beautiful than ever. ❞ ❝ i am not interested in having company, especially from you. ❞ ❝ my faith is prone to shakiness sometimes. ❞ ❝ you’re not your father, thank the gods. ❞ ❝ i’d ask you to join me for a drink, but i know you’ve a task ahead of you, and liquor dulls the senses. ❞ ❝ you’re more stubborn than your father. i never thought that such a thing was possible. ❞ ❝ remember, next time, that on my whim i can take everything from you. ❞ ❝ haven’t we had more than enough of each other by now? ❞ ❝ i get the feeling i’m being watched. ❞ ❝ you’ve berated me repeatedly and often. ❞ ❝ you ever lose somebody dear to you? ❞ ❝ as you grow long in years, perhaps you shall learn better judgement as to whom to trust, and whom to never, ever disrespect. ❞ ❝ sometimes things weigh heavily on me, but then i hear from you, and it’s like i don’t have a care in the world. ❞ ❝ stay focused on the hunt, and it’ll help keep the pain at bay. ❞ ❝ you are just so spontaneous, and i’ve a liking for that sort of thing! ❞ ❝ no one gets out of here, whether dead or alive. ❞ ❝ what is it that you’re after, really...? ❞ ❝ don’t take my silence the wrong way, all right? ❞ ❝ that’s terrible...wish there was something i could do to help. ❞ ❝ your unpredictability is one of your assets. ❞ ❝ do not throw away your life as i did mine. ❞ ❝ you do not take all your defeats to heart, do you? that’s good. ❞ ❝ the fates can twist intentions. i don’t want to take the risk. ❞ ❝ sometimes you make me feel alive again. ❞ ❝ why...i was much stronger once, than this... ❞ ❝ sometimes i wish i knew more about your past. ❞ ❝ you shall not goad me into anger with a petty insult such as that. ❞ ❝ we’ve been through a lot, and i think we’ll be going through a lot more yet. ❞ ❝ feelings we shared...they faded, with time. ❞ ❝ learn well to shut that foolish mouth of yours, or i shall shut it for you. ❞ ❝ i knew so many warriors who would throw away their lives for glory, believing that the gods were on their side; refusing to consider that their opponents felt the very same. ❞ ❝ you didn’t need to vent all that inner turmoil onto me throughout my life. ❞ ❝ swear to me that you shall never repeat what you are about to hear. swear it! ❞ ❝ sometimes i wonder what’s going through your head. ❞ ❝ i can do this. i can do this. i can do this. ❞ ❝ i heard you got yourself into another mess that needed cleaning up. ❞ ❝ you have a good heart. keep listening to it. ❞ ❝ you picked sides, and things are not the same. ❞ ❝ all the terrible choices i’ve made. by the time you have existed for as long as i have, pray youo will have made fewer. ❞ ❝ i must admit i have grown fond of you. ❞ ❝ please open your mind to the fact that there are those who care about your wellbeing. ❞ ❝ i know you mean well. from the bottom of my heart, i thank you truly for the thought. ❞ ❝ how can somebody be so brash yet hate to take unnecessary risks? ❞ ❝ i know we can’t exactly change the past, but we can try to move forward. ❞ ❝ you didn’t answer my question. though, you know something? forget i asked. ❞ ❝ just checking in on you, but i’ll be on my way again shortly. ❞ ❝ you would speak to me of foolish mistakes? ❞ ❝ do not question my power. ❞ ❝ there is no point in doing it but pride. and pride is dangerous. ❞ ❝ i must admit, your strength of will is quite inspiring. ❞ ❝ i don’t hate you. i don’t think i can ever hate you. ❞ ❝ i've decided not to kill you. no sport in cornered prey. ❞ ❝ i never thought i’d hear you talking about looking forward to working. you feeling alright? ❞ ❝ it has been far too long. although, the passing of the time was very kind. ❞ ❝ i have been thinking on this for some time, and i’ve a declaration i must make: i shall hear no more of your silver-tongued lies. ❞ ❝ oh good, somebody’s here to save me from myself. ❞ ❝ i wonder how much more insulting you could be. ❞ ❝ may i have this dance for old time’s sake? ❞ ❝ no matter how far you run, it doesn’t make your problems go away. ❞ ❝ i ever tell you you’re a real sweetheart? because, if not, i’m telling you right now. ❞ ❝ oh don’t worry, i’ll be back in fighting shape in no time. ❞ ❝ it’s not that i’m upset or anything. you know i’m not, but truthfully i’m a bit annoyed. ❞ ❝ you’ve got quite the fighting spirit in there, i have to say. ❞ ❝ ...answer me something. what am i to you, exactly, as of late? ❞ ❝ if you’ve not anger enough for it yet, you’ll learn, i promise you. ❞ ❝ i shall bring desolation upon those who wrong you. ❞ ❝ you know nothing of tempers if mine is your frame of reference. ❞ ❝ let me save you lots of future suffering: i happen to be the jealous type. ❞ ❝ i was really hoping we could change the subject. please? ❞ ❝ finally you cleared the mess you caused. ❞ ❝ i never grew accustomed to the air, up here. it gusts senselessly whichever way it pleases. ❞ ❝ i need your help with something. as i’m about to risk it all. ❞ ❝ love tends to blossom in the strangest places at the strangest times. ❞ ❝ normally they grovel, then they scream. they shut up eventually, but not you. at least, not yet. ❞ ❝ you know, you ain’t near as bad as i’d heard! ❞ ❝ so now you know. but, only half the truth. ❞ ❝ you are and always will be an insufferable brat. ❞ ❝ they say both gods and mortals are notoriously poor at estimating how long it takes to get anything done. ❞ ❝ flattery never got me anywhere with you to begin with. doesn’t mean i won’t keep trying. ❞ ❝ i’m warning you, i’m not susceptible to bribes. many have tried. ❞ ❝ by my estimation, you have slain at least a thousand souls. ❞ ❝ everyone’s saying i went easy on you. ❞ ❝ no, on quite the contrary i’ve been under no impression that avoiding conflict is an option here. ❞ ❝ you really won’t tell me anything about you? you’re just going to leave me to speculate, forever? ❞ ❝ fears, i think, are born of ignorance. ❞ ❝ i don’t exactly know the ways of mortals. ❞ ❝ it’s not just you swept up in all this nonsense now. you didn’t ask for me to get involved but what did you expect? ❞ ❝ if only i had wisdom such as yours, so that i was more capable of picking up on subtle jabs and insults such as that. ❞ ❝ did i detect some hesitance on your part just then? perhaps you knew that you were making a mistake. ❞ ❝ i need you in my life! how can you just...turn me away like this? ❞ ❝ no. no mournful speeches. now get out of my way. ❞ ❝ you needn’t lavish me with your faint praise. ❞ ❝ our memories are warnings. when you have lived as long as i have, you come to understand your weaknesses. ❞ ❝ you speak none of this, to anyone! ❞ ❝ it seems to me your strength outweighs your smarts ❞ ❝ you’re really too much for me sometimes, you know that? ❞ ❝ you speak as one who’s not experienced war. ❞      ❝ you’re looking kind of down. normally you’re all smiles, for whatever reason. ❞ ❝ your heart shall never carry you astray. ❞ ❝ it almost sounds as though you’ve broken up with me. ❞ ❝ come now, i don’t think that’s anything to be concerned about. ❞ ❝ where did you steal that kingly blade you’re brandishing about? it seems ill-fitting for one such as you. ❞ ❝ you overstep your bounds with me. but i shall make you fall right back in line. ❞ ❝ if there’s one thing i’ve learned since we met, it’s that the trust we share is at the very foundation of our relationships. ❞ ❝ it is woefully infrequent that i’ve cause for this, but i do have to thank you. ❞ ❝ so you’re realizing now that your entire image of me came from your imagination, is that it? ❞ ❝ sorry, my lips are sealed. how about we change the subject? ❞ ❝ you mistook me for someone who blindly follows orders without considering the implications. ❞ ❝ you, in a healthy relationship? why yes, that i have to see. ❞ ❝ you won’t tell me anything about you? you’re just going to leave me to speculate, forever? ❞ ❝ oh, would you look at whom i found, all by their lonely self. ❞ ❝ sometimes our tempers get the best of all of us. you’re fortunate mine didn’t get the best of you back there. ❞ ❝ you really need to learn to stop meddling in others’ affairs. ❞ ❝ was just thinking about you. ❞ ❝ the mortal concept of what constitutes as a hero is absurd. ❞ ❝ i may not be the one to kill you. but i’ll soften you up for whoever does. ❞ ❝ i have been waiting for a special moment to confess my great appreciation for your deeds. this moment’s special enough, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ all mortal life is fragile; it simply is a struggle to survive. ❞ ❝ it wasn’t any of my business to pry into your personal life. i should have asked. ❞ ❝ what do you say we deal some death together? ❞ ❝ the more you step away from your responsibilites, the less you shall want anything to do with them. ❞ ❝ what we were once, i wonder if it’s but a falsely ringing memory of mine... ❞ ❝ in all your boundless intellect, i’d have expected you would know i see through your intentions, plan as day. ❞ ❝ ii shall not lie to you again. that much, i swear. ❞ ❝ oh, i don’t have the heart to keep exacting vengeance on you. ❞ ❝ privileges are earned, not begged for. ❞ ❝ i thought we had an understanding. but, this wouldn’t be the first time i was wrong about someone. ❞ ❝ i have every confidence you’ll someday clamber from the shadows into the light. ❞ ❝ no paradise awaits you. ❞ ❝ did you miss me? i thought i’d steal away a bit and that together we might make up for lost time. ❞ ❝ when blood is spilled and death is dealt, i simply cannot remain discontented for too long. ❞ ❝ unlike my present company, i do not ask too many questions. ❞ ❝ what’s life without a little pain. ❞ ❝ i would do anything that you would ask of me. ❞ ❝ such a waste, all for your foolish pride, that you should care more to be remembered by those you shall never know than to be loved... ❞ ❝ look, if you don’t feel the same way about me at this point, i would rather know. ❞ ❝ you chose to die in glory, not to live in peace...and all for what? ❞ ❝ what’s the matter there? gone awful quiet. did i hurt your feelings? ❞ ❝ please, if not for your sake, then for mine...do not return. ❞ ❝ you blame your ancestors for your own weakness? ❞ ❝ i still grow frustrated with myself quite often and don’t always know whom to turn to. ❞ ❝ i’ll just remain here, comfortably at rest, for some untold millenia. ❞ ❝ the world has a limitless capacity for pain. ❞ ❝ well, if you do require some emotional support, know that i likely shall be standing over here. ❞ ❝ you’re not fooling anybody with your feigned benevolence, you know. ❞ ❝ i'm just an old killer, yet you treat me like i’m the one who’s royalty around here. ❞ ❝ life and death are inextricable, and war is often what connects the two. ❞ ❝ someday or night you shall look back on this, and thank me. ❞ ❝ i can no longer tolerate my life here in this place. ❞ ❝ they said you were headed this way. i said i’d stop you. ❞ ❝ if you were being too pushy, you better believe i would have put you back in your place, royalty or not. ❞ ❝ i am leaving, even if it kills me. ❞ ❝ hey, can’t ever be too careful when it comes to people’s past and feelings and stuff, right? ❞ ❝ should you ever go to war...do look me up. i imagine i would take your side. ❞ ❝ have you given any thought to just...leaving me alone, and going back to wherever it is you came from? ❞ ❝ and here i was beginning to think we had something special going. ❞ ❝ i’m worried you’re going to burn yourself out if you keep pushing yourself past your limits. ❞ ❝ whoever it was you used to be, i believe you’ve changed. ❞ ❝ i’m no mere mortal. ❞ ❝ i suppose this must be what it’s like to be a god. being shown affection such as this. ❞ ❝ admittedly i was quite good at it, but i was nothing other than a killer. ❞ ❝ no need to get emotional, is there? i’m not the sentimental type. ❞ ❝ all that pent-up rage behind your smiling words... ❞ ❝ don’t ever fall for mortals. use them if you must, but do not waste your love on those who waste away. ❞ ❝ i was never terribly fearful of gods. they seem to have their struggles much like mortals do. ❞ ❝ i would ask you to think of your well-being for the time, not mine. ❞ ❝ must say you’re very good at hiding your worries. ❞  ❝ anger fades. anger burns hot, then burns out. what’s left is a dull ache. ❞ ❝ you have much to be proud of. you’re a great warrior. a great instructor. a great friend. ❞ ❝ you must know the seven types of love by now, don’t you? why, i have several types of love for you! ❞ ❝ sometimes i fear i shall develop some sort of grudging respect for you. ❞   ❝ as you grow long in years, you gain more burdens and responsibilities, until they bind you. ❞ ❝ you’re being very nice to me, and that makes me suspicious, understand? ❞ ❝ you like me? i never thought, i...don’t know why that sounds so strange, coming from you. ❞ ❝ just know that...if you feel the way i do...you know where to find me. ❞ ❝ i still have feelings for you, i think. ❞ ❝ you’re a god. i’m telling you to learn to act like one. ❞ ❝ we were invincible together, weren’t we? though, i have never missed those days... ❞ ❝ i like being on my own and all, but it’s been nice, talking to you like this. ❞ ❝ you’ve done more for me than i’ve any right to expect, from anyone. ❞ ❝ the heart can make us do the strangest things, can’t it? ❞ ❝ i would never have been remotely prepared for everything i’ve had to face, if not for all your guidance. and i don’t just mean the violent stuff. ❞ ❝ you’re not so bad, you know that? careful with that, or you’ll undermine the ruthless reputation you have. ❞ ❝ well, for all his failings, i’m thankful that he did not teach you how to hate. ❞ ❝ i don’t know that i hate anybody, really. ❞ ❝ why am i never proud of you? don’t take it personally. i’m never proud of anything. ❞ ❝ there are a myriad of tales to be told, of both great deeds and of vainglorious defeats, and this has been a tale that falls somewhere in the middle. ❞ ❝ why your path keeps on crossing mine, i’ve not the slightest clue. ❞ ❝ there is no replacing your presence. i felt that before we ever met, and now i know for sure. ❞ ❝ mortals are so bent on clinging to their lives, that many among them would gladly kill for it. ❞ ❝ listen to me. i don’t know how else to put this, but, i want you to come home. ❞ ❝ i think we understand something of loss, now, don’t we? ❞ ❝ hey, look, i can tell you’re struggling right now... ❞ ❝ you must know i often hunger for destruction, almost uncontrollably at that. ❞ ❝ you still have no idea how to be up front with me, do you. why don’t you tell me why you’re here, and what you want. ❞ ❝ the destruction you have sown, the sheer carnage...nothing can surpass that. ❞ ❝ i do not think i ever would have asked for help, at any point, because...i don’t entirely know how. ❞ ❝ but hope alone is worthless without action, is it not? ❞ ❝ as bloodshed has become somewhat of a necessity in my situation, i am very grateful that you’re with me in this. ❞ ❝ many mortals strive for greatness all their lives, never quite realizing there is no existing formula for it. not even a specific definition for it. ❞     ❝ there are aspects of my country that i miss, from time to time. the stark, bright beauty of that strange, wondrous land. ❞     ❝ pride is perhaps our family’s worst trait. ❞ ❝ i think for many of us, it can come as a surprise to learn that love and war often go hand in hand. ❞ ❝ you don’t have what it takes. ❞ ❝ had a feeling i would find you all alone out here. ❞ ❝ quit messing with my heart. ❞ ❝ swear something to me. that you’ll discard your fears about our bond. ❞ ❝ each time we fight...i think i learn a little more. ❞ ❝ you’re nothing to me anymore. ❞ ❝ say, you must know a lot of big shots, don’t you? other gods and all that? ❞ ❝ i trust, from time to time, you stop to ask yourself how come you choose to fight. ❞ ❝ you cannot change the course that has been set. try all you like. ❞      ❝ we don’t all share the same demeanor, nor see eye to eye. though all of us, i think, wish you the best. ❞ ❝ i’ve known great men throughout my life, and i can always tell when someone’s better than their circumstances. ❞ ❝ i am quite capable of making your life plenty difficult. ❞ ❝ i bet whoever it is that loves you...it’s because of who you are. ❞ ❝ i lay the blame entirely upon you, yes. who else? ❞ ❝ i think, deep down, you are not the heartless harbinger of retribution that you want everyone to think you are. ❞     ❝ in my domain, you either find your place, or you learn your place. ❞ ❝ you have no idea how good you’ve had it here. maybe someday you’ll come to understand. ❞ ❝ do not mess with me right now. ❞
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13atoms · 3 years
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Grit (Javier Peña x F!Agent!Reader)
This is my first time writing for Narcos, but I really liked Peña as a character, so here we are. I might do a second part of this, let me know what you think!
Friends-to-lovers, set during s2, no smut but canon-typical nsfw. [4.9k]
*
You sighed, then coughed out a delirious laugh, as the news crackled through Murphy’s radio.
It had been yet another trap, yet another informant you couldn’t trust, yet another victory for Escobar. You, Murphy and Peña were sat in a tense little circle, huddled around Javi’s messy desk. The evening had lasted forever, a whole carton of smokes crumbled into the ash tray, each of you nursing headaches from clenched jaws, palms sweaty, tired of the endless threats from Steve to go and join the agents in the field.
Each stutter of noise on the radio had signalled a new round of tense glances between the three of you, notes scribbled down, short fingernails carving half-moon into palms.
Then, it was over. No fatalities on any side seemed a small miracle, but you knew Javi took no pleasure in hearing that the enemy hadn’t lost anyone either. Shot and bleeding and bruised, every bastard who had walked into that fight managed to scramble away. The transmission from the scene finished curtly, and you felt the three of you deflate.
“Fuck,” Peña muttered.
Murphy slamming his closed fists onto the desk painfully hard.
You exhaled, reeling from the whole evening, stretching back in your chair and wondering what the hell this meant for tomorrow.
“Again,” you sighed, hearing the other agents grunt in shared frustration.
Leaning forward you perched your elbows on the desk, throwing your notes away from you in disgust, letting your head fall into your hands. Your eyes ached, your very bones feeling unimaginably fragile as your muscles untensed and your heart fought to restore calm to your body. It was no good. Adrenaline like this would last hours.
Murphy grabbed his gun from the desk, kicked his chair away as he stood, storming from the room. When you looked up to Javier, worried about what the stupid bastard might do, he just rolled his eyes.
You had a sneaking suspicion that the three of you would be spending your pay checks on whiskey that night.
“Fucking hell,” you declared, more to fill the silence than anything else.
Peña gave a strange little laugh, shaking his head. He copied you, elbows on the table, letting his forehead fall heavily to his palms with the weary exhaustion which had plagued all of you since you first heard the name Escobar.
“What a shit show.”
You nodded in agreement, aching eyes closed. Each blink felt like it would scratch, the darkness of the office only broken by the shitty fluorescent light which created a tiny island of life around Peña’s desk. Everyone else was on the raid, or at home.
Sensible.
“We have to get him. One day. That bastard can’t run forever.”
Peña’s hum of agreement had no conviction, it was as uncertain as you felt, but you liked to imagine he really believed you.
You could feel your body giving up on you, so deprived of everything human for so long in pursuit of a man who always managed to escape back into the shadows. Hunger gnawed at your stomach, the muggy heat parched your lips, your head ached from the smokiness of the room and the sleep which evaded you more and more these days. Your skin felt dirty, no matter how often you washed, stained with guilt and the rivers of blood which ran through Bogotá. It didn’t matter how often Peña told you it wasn’t your fault: you knew your guilt, your sense of inadequacy, would weigh on you for as long as the Cartel was alive and operational.
He felt it too, the hypocrite.
The hunt had drained everything from you. Every ounce of softness and humanity. How long had it been since you were hugged? Since you knew a peaceful night’s sleep or a kind touch? Since you entered a room without imagining the ceiling joists falling under the force of a car bomb? You had slept with a gun nearby since you had joined the DEA here, thinking yourself paranoid. Now, you slept with the damn thing loaded.
“I had such a good feeling about this one,” Peña mused, more to himself than anyone else. You knew he would go home tonight filled with guilt.
Maybe he would take it out on some poor sex worker, fuck away his guilt and fear and frustration.
Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he would call you, pretend the phone lines weren’t monitored as the two of you spoke in vague terms. Unable to discuss work on an unsecured line, desperate to hear something real from another human being, exchanging snippets of your shaking voices until one of you finally managed to find sleep.
With nothing else to discuss, the two of you would talk about yourselves.
You never knew how much was true. How much was omitted. You lied sometimes, out of instinct more than anything, and you knew Javi did too. People like you always did. Beneath it all, though, you got the strange sense that you were really hearing something honest about him.
In the deep grumble of his voice, his landline phone cord stretched to his bed as he took the distraction as a chance to drift off, you would hear something real about him. A story from his youth, some reminder that he was real and mortal, a complaint about an injury that wouldn’t heal, some grievance with a dry cleaner. Even the scratch of his stubble as he ran a hand over it sounded like a confession. A reminder you both had beating hearts.
Every word you exchanged, hitched breaths, waiting for reactions or hums down the phone to tell one another you were smiling.
That felt real.
You blinked, wincing at the horrid overhead lights, which seemed to flicker periodically, only when it would really piss you off. Javi was looking at you with concern, the deep lines of his forehead contorted over a raised eyebrow. His badge was in one hand – he’d been fidgeting with it for hours – but his over hand was extended towards you. Palm up, like he was offering it to you.
When you met his eyes you saw worry, mixed with sheer exhaustion, and tried to offer a weak smile.
Someone was moving in a corridor outside, and he waited for their steps to grow quiet until he spoke.
“Are you okay?”
He didn’t need an answer. The weak smile you offered felt like enough to make you cry, and he closed his open fist, nodded his head in understanding.
“Yeah,” he sighed.
He shared the same burden, the same burnout, pulling him to the ground with ten times the force of gravity, yet refusing to let him take a break in pursuit of these bastards.
“Go home,” he offered sincerely, raising that awkwardly hovering hand to clap onto your shoulder.
You closed your eyes. There was nowhere you wanted to be more than your own bed, but as you devoted a second to thinking about getting home, your body felt impossibly heavy.
“I’m exhausted,” you admitted, hoping Javi didn’t notice the tremble in your voice.
“You look it,” he agreed.
With a raised eyebrow and half-hearted glare you had him scrambling to apologise.
“I- I mean, you look lovely, doll. Always do. Just, shattered. I can barely see it –”
When you laughed, he realised you’d been joking, letting his head fall onto the desk braced by his exposed forearms. You glanced at the clock, realising it was gone midnight. None of you would be in the next day. You’d already gotten the time off, knowing the raid would run late.
They usually did.
Especially lately, everything the DEA did seemed to become an unmitigated disaster.
“Give me a minute, ‘til I can be bothered to walk to my car,” you mumbled, knowing Javi would understand your words.
You admired the mussed up back of his hair, looking worse-for-wear after a day of being tousled and pulled at by his twitchy hands. You wanted to fix the piece which was sticking straight up, but your arms felt too heavy to move.
Adrenaline was a funny thing. It left you jittery, pent-up, and yet completely stationary.
It would be fine once you moved, you knew. You’d forced your body through this gruelling pattern often enough.
You rolled your neck, moaning at the tightness in the muscles, and Javi looked up with that damn cheeky grin. He should be exhausted, but there he was, eyebrows raised, eyes gleaming with mischief. You groaned at him. That man could find an innuendo anywhere.
About to look away, you forced yourself to meet his challenge instead.
“I’m starting to see why you go to those fuckin’ brothels,” you drawled. “You think I could convince them to give me a neck rub?”
“I’m sure they’ll rub anything you want, sweetheart.”
You rolled your eyes, laughing as one hand remained on the back of your neck, the muscle rock solid from hours in this stupid metal chair. He stretched out his closed fists and stood wordlessly, taking his place behind your chair like it was the most natural thing in the world. You were about to say something when he commandingly rolled your head forwards, tugging your collar down. When his warm hands found your neck, you gave him a rumbling, contented moan far better than the one which had piqued his interest.
For just a second you felt the slow movements on your neck halt, before he continued to clumsily kneed at the muscle either side of your spine. It hurt, his strong hands against all those tender spots, but it was the best kind of ache.
His hands grew gentler, rubbing softly for a moment, before he spoke.
“Better?” he grunted, and you found yourself scanning the room for something reflective, disappointed that you couldn’t drink in the image of Javier behind you.
“Better,” you choked out, your voice unnatural as you felt the closeness of his touch affecting you.
It had just been too long, you told yourself.
Fuck, you wanted him to do that to the rest of your back. Your limbs. Those strong hands learning your body. And more, if he wanted it.
He cleared his throat and stepped away, and you rolled your shoulders, starting to collect your notes and belongings to leave. Javi slipped his jacket on, adjusting the collar and shaking the arms into place, and you fought not to watch.
“That’ll save you some money from the ladies of the night,” he teased, his tone just a little flatter than it ought to be.
You knew him well enough to sense awkwardness in that rough voice.
“Who said anything about ladies?” you shot back. “Are there male prostitutes? Must be.”
Javi seemed a little shaken, less steady on his feet as he took a second attempt to kick his chair under his desk. He was squaring up papers and stationary as if that was all it would take to tidy the mess around his typewriter, refusing to meet your eyes.
“I haven’t met any,” he ground out, “so I’m not sure I can help you there.”
“And I thought you were a connoisseur.”
You were a little taken aback when he didn’t laugh, and the playful smile fell from your lips. You hadn’t realised how much you were waiting for his deep chuckle, his silence forming a strange missing link in your conversation. Looking up at him, you found him staring at your shoes.
“I’m just teasing, Javi,” you started to apologise.
“No, no. No worries.”
He cleared his throat, playing with the notebook, badge, and keys in his grasp. Passing them from hand to hand. He walked abruptly to the door, toeing it open with his shoe, one hand on the light switch as he waited for you. As you joined him, he looked down, that handsome face distorted with a slight frown.
Frowning seemed to come a little to easily to his features these days.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” he rumbled, and you nodded gratefully.
He locked up behind you, and you felt a pang of guilt for ruining a perfectly good moment. You could still feel the phantom touch of his hands on your neck, the callouses of his fingers, experienced with women and yet inexperienced in such gentle touches.
The two of you strode down the dark corridors, and you wondered if he’d always walked that far away from you. He was walking a few feet ahead, and it felt like miles.
“I really didn’t mean anything by it,” you apologised, mumbling in the hopes he might not reply.
“No, I… I’m not upset. It’s fine. I’m just tired.”
You hummed, knowing he could sense your dissatisfaction with his answer. You were too dazed to find the right words.
As you stepped out into the muggy evening air, blinking against the flood lights, both of you froze. There was some commotion in the parking lot. Someone in plainclothes detained by a guard and another man dead on the ground, riddled with bullet holes. You weren’t sure why, but even after all the violence you saw every day, the puddle of blood around him made you clench your jaw with disgust.
Peña stepped in front of you defensively. He usually treated you as just another officer, but off-duty his protectiveness always seemed to kick in. Tonight, you felt your heart clench in gratefulness, as he approached the scene carefully, fingers on his holster. You were too exhausted to keep up with the rapid conversation between Javier and the guards, only tearing your gaze from the dead stare of the body on the ground when Peña called your name. A third time. He waved a hand in front of your face, and you blinked rapidly, apologising as you focused back in on the moment.
You expected the off-white flash of his teeth, laughing at your slowness, some snarky comment about seeming slow, doll. His solemn frown, his concern, was more startling than the flash of his palm in front of your face.
“That’s it,” he told you gruffly, one hand wrapped lightly around your bicep, “I’m driving you home.”
You laughed, half in surprise, and he smiled wearily.
“You’re exhausted.”
Ignoring his comment, you frowned, words tumbling from your mouth before you could stop them.
“Can you call me? Tonight?”
You knew it was pathetic. You sounded pathetic. You knew that.
He went to reply, and you found yourself unable to stop speaking to hear the answer.
“I just… I don’t know how I’ll sleep. I think… I want to hear your voice,” you stumbled.
Javier sighed, smiled slightly, gave a surprisingly bashful nod of his head.
“I’ll call.”
The two of you climbed into his car in silence, and you kept your focus on the moving dials of the dashboard as Javi crawled past the crime scene, joining traffic. The radio hummed quietly, indistinguishable from the noise outside, and you rest your head on the edge of the seat. As Javier drove you through the city streets you felt your energy return, as you knew it would. It always happened like this. You would be too exhausted to leave, be tempted to make a camp on the cool concrete floor of the office. Then, as soon as you were almost at your own front door, you would have the energy to run laps of the block.
You watched out the window, catching reflected glimpses of the flex of Javier’s forearms as he shifted gear, the columns of his neck as he shouted to other drivers, and deft way he handled the steering wheel.
Flashes of red and pink lights made you smile slightly as the car crawled through traffic. It wasn’t a part of town you’d visited outside of work, but you recognised the streets. Javi rolled down the window as you passed brothels, the darkness punctuated by flashes of beautiful women who cooed at Javi from their doorways. You refused to let yourself wonder how many he knew by name.
Then you wondered why you cared.
“Don’t want me to drop you off?” he teased, and you rolled your eyes.
You wondered if Javi had really taken this longer route on purpose, just to make a joke. From the smile on his face, you would believe it. He looked pleased with himself as you gave a groan, trying to hide your amusement.
“Any of them your type?” he goaded again, gesturing out the window, chewing his words.
You shifted in your seat, sitting up properly, blinking back a headrush as everything suddenly felt real again.
“None of them look much like John Travolta,” you noted, smiling as yet another gaggle of women gave the car flirty waves.
A few called out male names, fakes names you presumed, and you saw the man beside you wince. You waved back, smiling. Javier groaned, thumping his thumb against the leather of the steering wheel.
“Travolta? Really?”
You laughed, the lightest you’d felt all day, at the grimace on Peña’s face.
“Yes, Travolta! I’d totally pay a Travolta look alike. You got a problem with that?”
“He’s too soft. No grit.”
“He seems nice!”
Truthfully, there wasn’t much time for films out here. Even less American celebrity gossip. But you remembered him being very popular before you left.
“You could pick up a Travolta look-alike at any bar in this damn city, they’d be falling over themselves. You certainly wouldn’t need to pay them.”
You gave a private smile at the hypocrisy in his voice, as he scoffed over the idea of paying someone for sex. As if he was short on women who found him attractive.
“Yes, but unlike any old bloke in a bar, if I paid they couldn’t fall asleep on me after two minutes.”
Even as the traffic picked up speed, Javi rubbed a hand over his face in frustration, groaning yet again.
“That’s fuckin’ depressing.”
You could hear the unsaid pet name on his tongue, a strange stutter to the rhythm of his sentences, and you wondered why he held it back. The drawl of doll or sugar when he spoke to you was as natural as breathing at this point.
“Yeah.”
The red lights of brothels were far behind you now, and yet Javi was still driving the wrong way, taking a longer route to your place. You bit your lip, looking straight ahead and wondering why he was stalling taking you home.
Hoping you knew the reason.
Javier suddenly shouted, clutched the steering wheel as a car full of young guys cut him off, one hand reaching out like a safety harness across your chest as he slammed the brakes on. As soon as his arm was there, inches from your chest, it was gone again. He was changing gear and honking his horn and swearing under his breath, and you were trying to process the tight feeling in the pit of your stomach. He apologised as he swung the steering wheel, taking a side street to avoid the car ahead, wary of the guns and middle fingers waved from the windows by young men still convinced they were invincible under the cover of night.
You exhaled shakily, blinking away sleepiness as you tried to process what had happened, frustrated at yourself for your slowness.
He seemed to remember himself as the car crawled past sleeping houses, the headlights sweeping across cobblestone, finally in the direction of your place.
“Sorry, darling,” he muttered, fingers tapping on the wheel irately.
“No problem. Can’t be careful enough, at the moment.”
He hummed and nodded, gave you a quiet sideways glance before training his eyes on the road again. One hand rested on the gear shift, curved around so his wrist brushed your thigh as you uncrossed and crossed your legs. He glanced towards you again, something so inconspicuous you hardly recognised it, and you wondered if he knew you were trying not to stare.
The brakes complained under Peña’s foot as he finally rolled to a stop outside your building, the night as quiet as Bogotá ever got. There were a few lights on in your block, the faint shouts of an arguing couple muffled as they drifted on the late night air, a baby crying, faint sirens. All reminders that you were yet to settle this torn city.
Javier cleared his throat and reached for the handbrake, cutting the engine but leaving one hand on the ignition. No doubt it was one of those habits which had saved his life once, and then he could never drop it. You felt the slight movement of the car as his foot finally left the brake, and you smiled privately at how overly cautious he was, ready for anything to go wrong.
He shook slightly at the gear shift, checking it was in neutral.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, if you want. To get your car. Or the next time you need to be in the office. Whenever you need me, doll. Just be safe.”
He swiped at his moustache nonchalantly as he spoke then reached for a cigarette, leaving it between his lips unlit. He pulled a lighter from his pocket one handed, poised to light it as you spoke.
“Thanks, Javi. I really appreciate it, you’re too good to me.”
He froze up, before slowly moving the lighter to the centre console of the car, dropping it into the tray there with a clatter.
“Don’t say shit like that,” he grumbled around the cigarette, but you smiled anyway.
Seeing his prickly exterior come out only meant he was protecting himself from being vulnerable. He looked up at your building, ducking to survey the height of it. You knew it was rougher than where he and Murphy had ended up, but you liked the community of it.
“We gotta get you moved closer to us,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head for show, and you huffed out a laugh.
“I’m fine, Javi. Thank you for the lift.”
As you reached for the door handle he seemed to startle, the bubble of calm inside the car burst as a rush of hot air and noise swarmed through the open door.
“I’ll walk you in,” he declared, stashing his gun beneath his jacket and pulling the keys from the ignition.
“It’s fine, please, you can call me tonight,” you insisted, your feet finally hitting the ground as you got out of the passenger seat.
When you looked back into the vehicle for a gentle goodbye, you were surprised to see something sad on his face. Something disappointed, lonely, enough to make your heart clench.
“Unless you want to come in?”
He was beside you in an instant, the car needlessly loud in the click as Javi twisted his keys in the door to lock it.
“You’ve had a long day,” he reminded you, one hand hovering insistently behind your lower back, refusing to touch or grow further from you as you approached the entrance to your building.
It felt like forever ago, the failed raid, the violence at your office, the feeling of being fused to that bruising-hard metal chair as your heart raced in time with the static of the radio. The memory of Javi’s hands on you had finally vanished for just a second, until he brought it right back.
“You have too, Javi,” you muttered, looking away as you found your key.
“I’ll sleep like a baby tonight,” he grumbled, feet heavy on the stairwell as you ascended to the second story of the building.
“No other plans?”
Your question was supposed to be light-hearted, both of you breathing more heavily as you reached the threshold to your apartment. Key in the lock, you turned to see Javi leaning against the wall as casually as if he belonged there.
“None,” he whispered, “I’m here as long as you need me.”
Who said I needed you?
His arms were folded, fists clenched, and you wondered if he was stopping himself from reaching out.
He followed you inside quickly, taking the liberty of sliding over every lock on the door before you had the chance to. You could see him mentally sweeping the room, craning his neck to look for anything which might make his instincts rear up. You crossed to the small kitchen counter, dumping everything you were carrying down, as he gently paced the small space. He stuck his head into the bedroom, the bathroom, just checking.
Somewhere deep down, you knew why.
He would never forgive himself if something happened to you.
“Drink?”
Peña nodded, and you stepped back to let him raid the fridge himself, needing no permission. He’d been here enough times, though you couldn’t remember a time without Murphy. It was a different feeling, just the two of you. Calmer. Safer. You couldn’t meet his eyes as you moved around to switch on a couple of side lights. You knew you should eat, but you couldn’t walk back to the kitchen. Not while Peña was there.
The shouting had stopped, the baby had silenced, and yet you knew you wouldn’t sleep if you went to bed now.
Not a chance in hell.
You wondered if that was what Javier was doing too: distracting himself from the thoughts which would find him in sleep. By eating everything in your kitchen, apparently.
“I should cook for you, sometime,” he called, though his voice was quieter than you’d expected. Closer.
“You any good?” you teased, straightening up a stack of papers which would immediately slump into a mess again.
“Not really.”
You laughed a little, hearing his matching chuckle behind you. As you turned you found yourself suddenly between his arms, so close you could see the irritated red threatening the whites of his eyes. You wanted to stroke a thumb across those lines in the furrow of his brow, force him to relax until he turned back into the bright-eyed man you’d once known, who relished wasting government money on the finer things in life, and cheered like he’d won a star player when you were assigned to his team.
It seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet here he was, still in front of you. The same man, beneath the exhaustion and the things he’d seen since starting this damn job. As you were examining the lines of his face, the dark circles which never quite managed to overshadow the beauty of his dark eyes, he was staring at you.
He gave you warning, time to move away or speak or – something. He told you what he wanted with heavy eyelids and a light grip on your jaw, in the slight shuffle of his body closer to yours. Then he kissed you, like it had always made sense. It didn’t feel like the first time, he felt familiar. The slight tickle of facial hair against your face, the tensing of his fingers, seeming to engulf your whole skull and guiding you to lean into him as he groaned into your mouth.
The sound of your lips separating made your eyes open, staring wide at Javier like he was a new man. His grip on your face slipped to hands resting on your shoulders as he watched you, waiting for a reaction, bottom lip between his teeth as he bit down a grin.
You smiled openly, only able to look at his face, and he matched you with a laugh. He pulled you with him as he walked backwards, dragging you on top of him as he sat on your couch, muffling your apologies with a kiss as you fell heavily onto his lap.
The couch creaked beneath him as your mouths met heavily, but if Peña had even felt the weight of you, he didn’t flinch. He was kissing you like the world was ending, like he had seconds before the two of you would be gone forever, and he was determined not to miss a second against your skin.
It had felt like that, you supposed. That you would be ripped from one another too soon. Countless times together you had been seconds from death, an inch from bleeding out, hours from being blown up. It could all end soon, the two of you swallowed in flames or a shower of bullets. Perhaps he was making up for each and every time you had called for one another across a soon-to-be crime scene, desperately glad to see each other unharmed.
Peña’s hand on your waist grounded you, dragged you back into the moment, and you poured everything you had into kissing him so hard his lips would be reddened for days. You wouldn’t apologise for the roughness of it – he was determined to bruise you in response, sharing the kind of desperation which couldn’t be expressed in any other way.
Finally his second hand found your waist, gently prompting you to sit up in your straddle across his lap, staring at this new glassy-eyed, wild expression he wore.
“I’m no Travolta,” he panted, the words ghosting across you face.
You sighed. No living that one down.
“He’s not got enough grit for me anyway,” you promised, pressing a gentle kiss to the aquiline slope of his nose, before strong hands guided your lips straight back to his.
74 notes · View notes
poppysmc · 3 years
Text
I Don't Know How You Do It But I'm Forever Ruined
Notes: This has been sitting in my drafts for so so long, unfinished with a different song and Im just obsessed with this song right now so I thought I'd go ahead and post it.. sorry for the mistakes I don't have a beta so they're all mine. I'm just slowly getting back to writing again, please be patient with me. ❤️
Song: Off my face - Justin Bieber
(One shot)
Last and certainly not the least…. Ms. Morgan Hughes, she’ll be gracing us with her angelic voice, singing… uhh… Off my face? Thomas reads the cue cards, slightly puzzled, he thought Morgan would be doing stand-up, he and Morgan’s posse endured long nights of practicing her stand-up routine and now she’s just gonna sing, it’s not even vetted on.
He glances to the side, silently confirming if it was right. Morgan nods and smiles nervously. He in turn smiles back, giving an encouraging thumbs up and a whisper of ‘good luck’ as she takes to the stage.
Some of the audience chuckled at the name choice, adding to the ever growing lump lodged in her throat. This is definitely not her best idea and before she could go ranting about the title, some of her friends clapped and cheered, giving her a slight boost of confidence.
She wrote thet a few months ago, absently plucking at the guitar strings. She’s got the same few chords stuck in her head for week. Only god knows how she pulled the lyrics out of her muddled brain.
How does one go about sharing her feelings for someone who has no idea? Said someone sitting front and center with a scowl, sitting next to her parents. She has no idea she wrote it for her, she sighs in relief.
For a split second she could see Poppy’s attention snap up to her, smirking and raising her eyebrow in question. Morgan rolls her eyes at her and settled into her chair and just like Poppy’s face never moved, her scowl was back in place, listening to Chloe rant about her talent to her right.
She starts plucking out the intro, it’s now or never.
One touch and you got me stoned
Higher than I’ve ever known
You call the shots and I’ll follow
Sunrise but the night’s still young
No words but we’re speaking tongues
If you let me I might say too much
Sometimes people just enter your life and burrow themselves so deep into it that for the life of you, you couldn't remember when it all started. This case was different, Morgan could vividly remember a day it all changed, how it became harder for her to even look Poppy in the eye for more than a few seconds. How her warm touch roughly pulling her back to the argument now seemed to burn through her sleeves, pressure slightly softer. She used to meet her hot gaze, faces only inches apart spitting out vicious insults without thinking much, now she didn’t have the same fire in her veins she seemed to have arguing with Poppy.
The need to antagonize her fizzled into something else, a warmth that threatens to overtake her made itself a home in her chest.
---------------
Morgan wanted to stay home, as much as she enjoyed parties, it wasn’t something she wanted to do regularly. Sometimes it gets a little too much to handle, the music felt too loud, the people got too close, the eyes on her felt stifling. She wanted to be free just this one night out of expectant looks but Zoey is too convincing, her puppy dog eyes are too powerful for a mere mortal like herself. She made a condition to just be at the party no over the top expensive clothes, just herself.
“I’ll come but just to be your glorified chauffer.” She dresses herself in something simple, a pair of black pants and flannel. “I just want to be invisible this one night, Zo.”
“Fine by me, but if your fashion choices end up splashed all over The T tomorrow don’t come crying to me.” Zoey shakes her head, the slight dig on her wardrobe is softened by a thankful grin.
“You get dragged on The T once, and no one lets you live it down.”
“Because I’m pretty certain I said don’t go out in that, it’s suicide. So yeah I would never let it go, you wore socks with your flip-flops and had the audacity to show yourself in public.”
“It’s not even my fault, sunny ran out the door. I had no time to check what I was wearing."
“You’ll never learn. Whatever will you do without me?” Zoey smirks and shakes her head affectionately. "Stop stalling and let’s go. My carriage awaits dear chauffer.”
“Yeah, yeah. Please allow me to escort you down, boss.” Morgan bumps her shoulders with Zoey as she passes by to grab her jacket. She opens the door and offers her arm, Zoey laughs and loops her arms around hers.
The party was already in full swing once they arrived. The music was blaring; the bass makes Morgan’s chest thump along erratically with every beat. “Text me, okay? I’ll make myself scarce.”
“Sure. Thanks for driving.” Zoey winks and beelines for the bar. In a few seconds she loses sight of her.
Morgan trudges through the house, the crowd gradually thins as she makes her way farther to the back. She exhales in relief finally free of the maze of drunk students with no boundaries, nobody seemed to pay attention to her, thank god for the dim lighting. The backdoor swings open, she breathes in the crisp night air. The door shuts and party fades into muffled thumps. She sat on the porch steps, her side leaning against the banister, oblivious to the pair of eyes quietly observing her.
After a minute of silence, Morgan sucked air through her clenched teeth, surprised at hearing someone pointedly clearing their throat behind her. The rate in which her head whipped back almost made her dizzy. When she recognizes who the person was, she could already feel the headache coming through, she almost swallows her tongue in disbelief. Of all the people she didn’t want to see her tonight was Poppy, yet here she was, alone with her.
“What are you doing back here?” Poppy asked, voice devoid of any venom just genuinely curious.
“Do I need permission to be? Who made you queen?” Morgan scoffs, the slight bite in her voice comes through and makes Poppy smirk.
“Belvoire.” Poppy cheekily answers, earning an undignified snort from Morgan. The slight tension momentarily forgotten.
“Should have seen that coming.”
“The party’s raging inside and little miss newbie sits here. What are you doing, really?” Poppy asks not unkindly, voice tinged with concern and curiosity.
“I could ask the same to you.”
“I asked first.” Poppy frowns impatiently.
Morgan sighs, opting to just answer just to avoid trouble. She didn’t have the energy to make up excuses nor to argue. “I don’t feel like partying today. I’m just waiting for Zoey to get flat out drunk and drive her home. My turn.”
“It’s-  It’s overwhelming inside. I just want to be alone for a while.” The honesty in Poppy’s answer momentarily throws her off.
“Do you want me to go?” Morgan asks, feeling like she’s intruding. This must be the longest record they ever had being civil to one another, actually speaking without the sarcastic comments and the insults. It makes her feel out of place and awkward.
“You could do whatever you want. I’m not the queen of anything right now.” Right, cause technically it's Chloe. There’s something in her tone that makes Morgan’s heart clench, yet she shrugs it off as the bass from the party. To Morgan’s never ending surprise, the blonde pats the spot next to her on the bench. “The floor is filthy.” Poppy clarifies when she makes no move to stand. A disarming smile crosses her face, Morgan guessed her hesitation must have been showing.
Morgan stands and dusts herself off. “Who are you and what have you done to Poppy?” She asks with a grateful smile, sitting down the furthest she could from the other girl.
“I have half the mind to kick you off this bench.” Poppy grumbles.
“There she is.”
Poppy huffs out a half laugh and after that there’s just silence. After a while she could see the slight tremble in Poppy’s hand in her periphery. She wordlessly shrugs off the coat she’s wearing and offers it to the other girl.
“What?” Poppy blinks, eying her coat suspiciously, making Morgan chuckle in disbelief.
“You’re cold. Take it or go inside.”
“Fine.” Poppy slips on the offered garment, appreciating the warmth it gave to her cold limbs. She wasn’t thinking while she burrowed herself further, letting Morgan’s scent envelope her. She stared at Morgan, feeling guilty for a moment. She moves closer, Morgan shivers when their shoulders touched. "Thanks." Poppy whispers, if it wasn't for their proximity, Morgan might have missed it. She hoped the shadows hid the small smile spreading to her lips.
“I’m sorry for taking your coat. I just couldn’t go back inside. I-” Poppy trails off, breaking her gaze away and staring farther up the yard.
“It’s okay, I offered. You don’t have to explain anything.” Morgan understood, after today everything changed, she lost her spot to one of her friends. Morgan was somewhat surprised that instead of Poppy's explosive anger, she opted to just sit here and mope.
She jumps a little when her phone vibrates in her pocket, she could see Poppy smirk in the corner of her eye.
"Jumpy."
She reads the text and taps a reply, frowning. She turns to Poppy. She doesn't even know why she's explaining but it felt wrong to just go without saying anything. A part of her wanted to make this moment stretch a little longer, so she hesitates.
“Apparently Zoey doesn’t need me to drive her back. So... I guess I'll head back home." Morgan stands not having an excuse to stay longer and makes her way to the door, hands hovering over the door knob to open it but not before doing something stupid like asking her so called enemy if she wanted to drive around for a while.
“So… Do you still want company? We could drive around for a while?” Morgan mentally chastises herself for the suggestion. Of course Poppy would say no it’s not like she-
Morgan looks back at Poppy, she sees her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth in thought. Morgan’s gaze flickers down to her lips, wondering if they’re as soft as they looked. The moment passed and she breaks her gaze away just as Poppy decided.
“Sure but let me just get my stuff.” Poppy stands and makes her way to the door, Morgan standing motionless, hand over the handle. She reaches for it, her fingertips grazing Morgan’s, the slight static made her pull her hand away abruptly.
“Sorry.” Morgan breaks through her short circuited brain and moves to hold the door open for Poppy.  “I’ll wait for you out front.” Morgan makes her way back through the crowd, her mind reeling at what happened back there and what mess she got herself into.
---------------
She continued singing, her eyes accidentally meeting Poppy’s gaze again, her scowl was replaced by an unreadable expression, attention now focused solely on her and Morgan almost faltered. She breaks eye contact and stares at the back wall, ignoring the burning gaze upon her from those familiar eyes.
Your touch blurred my vision
It’s your world and I’m just in it
Even sober I’m not thinking straight
Cause I’m off my face in love with you
I’m out my head so into you
And I don’t know how you do it
But I’m forever ruined by you
-----------------------
The sound of the door opening breaks Morgan out of her deep thoughts. She could see Poppy walking towards her with a sour expression, she's still wearing Morgan's coat.
“What happened to you?” Morgan’s warm hands reaching out to her, settling comfortably on her shoulder. Poppy stares at her hands, she pulls it away like she’s been burned.
“Just drive.” Poppy mumbles, trying hard to be composed but failing.
“Where to?” Morgan pretends not to notice Poppy's agitation, barely glancing at her so she won't feel uncomfortable. She unlocks her car slipping inside while Poppy stares at the abomination in front of her.
“I don’t want to sound ungrateful but your truck is… I don’t know how to say it without offending you? But maybe it could use a good wash? Like you drove through mud to get here. I don’t know, maybe we could go to a carwash, my treat.”
"That’s about the rudest thing anyone’s ever said to me, and you said a lot of insulting things before." Morgan rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t mean that Betty, you just got a little mud on you.” She murmurs quietly.
“You named your car… Betty?”
“What? No I didn’t.” Morgan could see Poppy’s amused smirk even in her periphery.
“You’re such a dork.” Poppy can’t help but laugh at her mortified expression.
Morgan distracts herself from the rapidly rising heat on her neck by fiddling with the radio before driving off. The sweet sound of the guitar filtered through the car and she smiles triumphantly, previous embarrassment pushed to the back of her mind. She doesn't notice Poppy's expression soften.
Morgan drives her car through the carwash. They watched the water and the soap assault her car, the material of the brushes made a repetitive sound along with one of her favourite songs. Poppy had her seat leaned back, watching the machine rid the car of dust and mud. There was something mildly intimate about it, Morgan could move her right hand then they would be grazing Poppy’s, she could do it, she wanted to do it. But all she could manage was a slight twitch in her pinky, her hand doesn't move any closer.
“Do you ever feel like there’s a hundred people around you in a room, yet you feel alone?” Poppy breaks the silence, tilting her head slightly to the left to look at Morgan.
“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes people may be looking at you yet feel as if their staring right through you, like your nothing. Oh! Like a ghost.” This makes Poppy chuckle.
“Yeah like that. It would have been easier if we were ghosts at least then you know why.”
“Did you feel like that back at the party?” Morgan wanted to say how that would have been impossible that no one could have seen her, she’s seeing her now. She wondered how could anyone ever take their eyes of her, she always seemed to be the brightest thing in any room she entered and now even in this dingy carwash she looked so radiant. How sometimes she thinks that she picks fights with her just for a chance to be bathed in her light. Thoughts she doesn't think would ever cross her mind trickled slowly and became a raging river. Now that she found herself here with her, without anything familiar to fall back on, anything just to distract herself out of her dangerous thoughts.
“Yeah, I don’t know. It was easier to be alone than surrounded but feeling alone. Do you get it? At least I know, I chose to be alone.”
“I get it.” If she had the ability to say more she would have but these few pathetic words are all she could manage. This time her hand reaches to squeeze Poppy’s. A quiet comfort to reinforce her words, she understood.
“Thank you.”
Whatever atmosphere they created in that moment fell apart when Morgan had to move her car forward and exited the wash.
“Where to now?”
“Your turn to choose.” Poppy mumbles, still staring blankly outside.
“Okay, I know a place. You're gonna love it."
“I’m not going to let you pick anymore.” Poppy complains, standing in front a fluorescent lit diner. It almost glowed but in a weird way, like a bat signal for the weary.
“Hey! They make the best food.” Morgan steps forward and drags her companion along when she hesitated.
Warmth and the ambient sound of cutlery grazing the plates makes Morgan smile. She always came here when she’s feeling lonely, missing her parents, their farm or when she’s stressed from school, for trying to fit in like a robot.
“Come. Don’t just stand there.” Morgan looks back at Poppy, her breath caught in her throat. Poppy looked ethereal against the most basic place there ever is. If you said diners were some kind of portal to somewhere else she’d accept it and move on, for she looked like she existed out of place, alien, untouchable as she was beautiful. For the second time this day her gaze flickers to Poppy’s lips, she realizes that she’s saying something and Morgan’s mortified of being caught staring like a fool.
“What? Is something on my face?” Poppy is thankfully oblivious.
“No, it’s perfect.” Morgan quietly whispers while Poppy checks herself in the diner’s window, her words falling into deaf ears.
Morgan balls up pieces of her straw paper places it over some torn up tissues, stacked together. She’s fidgeting under Poppy’s presence; she doesn’t know what to do with her hands.
She's startled when Poppy lightly grasps her hands stopping it from tearing up another piece of paper. It’s been minutes of watching Morgan tear up even rectangles of several tissues, a girl could only take so much.
“You’re making a mess.” Poppy chastises her like a child. She would have laughed but Poppy still hasn’t let go of her hand, it’s making her blush like an idiot.
“Sorry. It’s just that the food is taking a while huh?” Morgan stealthily tries to take her hand back but Poppy only holds it tighter. When they're not arguing, Morgan found that she doesn't know how else to act around her.
“Stop tearing paper like confetti.”
“Sorry.” Morgan sheepishly apologizes and Poppy lets go of her hand, hiding hers under the table, flexing it, she could still feel the warmth of her hand in hers.
The food arrives and Morgan smiles widely. Poppy stares, pretending she's interested in what food Morgan ordered. She admits to herself that for all the times she stared at her she never noticed how beautiful Morgan’s smile was. Arguing doesn't leave one space to insert a smile. It made her heart skip, imagining how it would be like if it was directed at her.
She almost misses Morgan stealing a fry off her plate. “Hey! If you wanted some you should have bought your own or at least politely asked.” Poppy mock glares at her companion, taking one of the crumpled balls and flicking it, hitting Morgan right between the eyes. They watched as the paper landed right into Morgan’s half empty milkshake glass.
"Your face!" Poppy laughs, wishing she could have captured it on camera.
Morgan found that she liked Poppy's laugh when it was genuine. “You better buy me another. You ruined mine.”
“What? It’s almost all gone anyway. All the needless calories you’re consuming will bite you in the ass someday.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
“Just have the rest of mine.” Poppy slides over her milkshake, Morgan grins and takes a sip right into Poppy’s straw. Poppy noticed first, eyes widening. Did She just… A revolting question crossed her mind, how would ‘Morgan’s lips feel like pressed to mine.’ Shes never felt jealous of a piece of plastic before in her life.
Morgan freezes when she realized what she’s done. She just had an indirect kiss with Poppy through the straw. “Sorry. I got excited.”
Poppy opens a new straw for her water, blowing the other end right into Morgans face, another bulls eye, she’s killing it. “Don’t overthink it.” She dismisses the act but her brain does summersaults inside her skull.
They finished eating, the last few of Poppy’s fries stolen right under her nose. She pretends she doesn’t see her sneaking a few of the fries away, she just lets her. Mind preoccupied with important things like Morgan’s lips.
------------------
Can’t sleep ‘cause I’m way too buzzed
Too late now you’re in my blood
I don’t hate the way you keep me up
Your touch blurred my vision
It’s your world and I��m just in it
Even sober I’m not thinking straight
Even if she doesn't look or at least tries her hardest not to, she could feel Poppy's gaze on her, burning, willing her eyes to look back. There's something wildly intimate about singing a song to someone and in the sea of strangers you know it's just for them. No matter how many people sang it, to another, to themselves or just for the heck of it, the song only belongs to the person you made it for. Just for her. They could never feel the way she felt when she wrote it, how her feelings were entwined with every word.
In her periphery she could see Poppy stand and make excuses to her parents. She left, she didn't see where she went, she doesn't dare look anywhere near where she was, she's a coward like that. All she could feel is disappointment. It takes everything in her not to show it on her face. Was it too late to change her talent to stand up?
----------------------------------
"Come on Poppy, pick a place already. I've been driving around for hours! People will think we're stalking someone around here." Morgan whines in the driver seat taking yet another turn around the block.
"It's been exactly 20 minutes. You're such a baby." Poppy looks at her phone for any places that might still be open around this time. "Turn right, that's not right. Right! Not left."
"Great, now were going in circles. Pull over."  Poppy grumbles.
"What?" Morgan looks confused for a moment but does what she’s told anyway, parking along the street.
"Get out."  Poppy moves to exit the car.
"What are you..?"
"I'm not gonna hijack your car, just let me drive. You suck at following directions."
"...."
They switch seats, Morgan slumps and mopes in hers. Poppy fights back a smile.
“Would you look at that it only took 2 minutes.” Poppy smiles smugly.
“I did all the navigating you only had to turn once.” Morgan complains, getting out of the car and looking around the parking lot. “What the hell Poppy, a 711? You could have told me, I could have turned anywhere and found one.”
“Like hell you could. You don’t even know your left from your right.” Poppy laughs at Morgan’s offended expression. They walked in, shoulders brushing together and Morgan shivers, insisting to herself that it’s because it’s cold.
Poppy smiles, victoriously pulling out what they came here for out of the fridge.
“A freaking capri sun? We drove all the way here for that?” Morgan complains, ready to throttle Poppy. Though there’s something endearing in her expression, that proud smile for finding something she was looking for.
“Just go find something you want.” Poppy shoos her away, grabbing a few more pouches of juice. She shakes her head and walks off in search of snacks.
Morgan comes back with an armful of sweets and chips.
“We just ate. What are you doing? Take these back, I won't buy you all these.”
“You said something I like. I like them all. Come on aren't you rich?” Morgan dumps her haul in the counter, the cashier looking back and forth from them, looking for a sign that it’s okay to scan the items.
“Are you just an overgrown kid or what?”
“Pop, you just bought a juice in a pouch, you have no right to judge me.”
“Fine.”
Morgan carries three bags worth of snacks back to the car, Poppy not attempting to lift a finger just because she paid.
“Your turn. Pick a place.”
Minutes later they're on a cliff overlooking the city. Fading notes from a song playing in Morgan’s car filtered to the back.
“I'm surprised you didn't get lost.”
“I don't suck at directions. You're the one that sucked at giving them.” Morgan says in self-defence. She unlatches the back so they could sit on it, holding Poppy’s waist, helping her up. If Poppy noticed her hands shake, she didn’t say anything. They sat closer together, leaning against the side. She could feel the cold seeping into her shirt, making her shiver. Poppy notices and moves to take Morgan's coat off.
“No. Keep it on.” Morgan stops her, cold hands over equally cold ones.
“But you're cold.”
“I'm not.” Morgan attempts to refute it but her hands are freezing.
“I can see your teeth chattering.”
“I like it on you.” She smiles softly.
“What?”
“I don't want you to be cold. Just take it, don’t be stubborn.”
“If you speak of this to anyone, I would personally kill you in your sleep.”
“Why would you do- oh.” Morgan stared in confusion, then realization.
Poppy moved to sit in the space between her legs, leaning her back into Morgan, taking her hands and wrapping them to her waist. Her hands rubbing over Morgan's freezing ones. To say that she was now warm was an understatement, she was burning from the blush that overtook her body.
“If you wanted to be near me so bad you could've just asked.” Morgan grins, chin propped on Poppy's shoulder.
Poppy huffs and attempts to get up. Morgan's arms stop her, wrapping tighter, keeping her in place. “Don't move, I might freeze to death.”
“That's what I thought.”
They had a toast with the Capri sun pouches, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. They sat there talking for hours, the company was too enjoyable to give in to exhaustion or cold.
From the time they were talking Poppy shifted her position, now sitting on Morgan's lap, staring up at her while she told a story about their farm animals, making her scrunch her nose in disgust at one of her retellings.
They stared at the sky surprised to see the day chasing the night away. How long have they been talking? Morgan looks at her phone and even more surprised that it's nearly 6am. Time went by so fast.
“I always wanted to see the sunrise from here. Thanks for the company.” Morgan smiles softly, running her fingers through her hair to distract herself from Poppy.
No one mentioned how one of their hands are still interlaced together or how Morgan's thumb drew circles on the back. Especially not Poppy's lips softly grazing the underside of her jaw.
They watched in silence, both aware that as the night was done, so will this new moment they found together.
“I'll take you to back to your dorm.” Morgan reluctantly says, unwilling to move. It was Poppy who moved off her first.
Morgan slides off the back of her truck smirking at Poppy. “Want a piggy back ride?”
Poppy scoffs. But positions herself anyway, her arms wrapped on Morgan's shoulders, Morgan's hands holding her legs securely as she closes the small distance to the front of her car.
They drove back in silence, neither speaking of the moment, afraid it will be over soon.
Morgan stops her car in front of Poppy’s sorority house, tapping her fingers anxiously against the steering wheel.  No one talked nor moved for a minute or two, they just stared at each other feeling the change in whatever relationship they previously held. Poppy’s alarm goes off, effectively ruining their moment.
“I guess... I'll see you later. Good Morning, Poppy.” Morgan smiles softly, hands gripping the steering wheel too tightly, knuckles going white, stopping herself from reaching out.
“I’ll… see you later. Thank you for driving me around.” They both know they will see each other but not in the same capacity as tonight, they will be back to being rivals, enemies, whatever the school made them out to be. She could see Poppy fighting a losing battle against herself before she reached out and kissed the corner of Morgan's mouth. She turns away like nothing happened and exits the car without looking back.
-------------------
Cause I’m off my face in love with you
I’m out my head so into you
And I don’t know how you do it
But I’m forever ruined by you
Cause I’m off my face in love with you
I’m out my head so into you
And I don’t know how you do it
But I’m forever ruined by you
Morgan stands and bows to the applause, yet she felt empty. It all felt useless somehow, she wasn't even there to hear the rest of it. She makes her way backstage, turning the corner as the next talent comes up. She felt like running but before she could turn and walk away, Poppy pushes herself off the wall and approached her. She gulped, unsure of what to do.
“Your voice is very beautiful.” Poppy tells her, voice almost as soft as a whisper. She's searching Morgan’s terrified eyes for something. “The song, did you write it?” She asks all the while moving closer, hands fiddling with the lapel of Morgan’s suit.
All she could do is nod, not trusting her voice at the moment. She takes a step back and another and another until her back is against the wall but Poppy follows her every step. Thank god they seemed alone or she would have burst into flames in embarrassment. Poppy steps closer until their bodies are almost touching.
“Who did you write that song for?”
“I...”
“Tell me.” Poppy looks up almost pleading, wanting to hear what she hoped to.
“It’s for you.” Morgan presses herself even more to the wall, wishing it would just swallow her up. She closes her eyes but it flies open when she heard Poppy gasp. “Are you surprised or?” Morgan trails off, observing Poppy’s expression going from astonished, to happy and outright tearing up.
“I can’t believe you wrote that song for me, I thought that there was someone else.” Poppy breathes in relief, Morgan’s hands wrap around her waist, supporting her weight.
“Just you.” Morgan says breathlessly. Watching her break into a smile made all the nerves she had vanish. She pulls her into a tight hug, smiling when she feels Poppy sink into the embrace. Her head leans on her shoulder and she rests her cheek on her hair. Poppy pulls back and smiles before leanig up and kissing Morgan.
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