#its a bit different in this chapter because at this point he is so traumatized by his nightmares that he thinks nezuko burning in the sun | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunnami · 5 months

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❝time will tell.❞

[credits to the original artist of the photo!! can't seem to find their @ anywhere. title is taken from jane austen's persuasion, as was the first part.]

summary. ❝you are loved. and harry thinks there is no better description that that.❞

pairing/s. poly!mauraders x reader. (james potter x reader, sirius black x reader, lily evans x reader, and remus lupin x reader.)

word count. 9.5k.

tags. reader is referred to mum, with she/her pronouns[!], canon-typical violence [!], canon-typical deaths mentioned[!], very brief marauders as soldiers of the order[!], creepy old men being creepy[!], child abuse[!], pureblood arranged marriages, a minor character expresses wanting to die[!], Depressed and Traumatized Slytherins, the capital is important[!], themes of misogyny [!], teen boys fuck around and find out there are consequences to their actions, THERE IS ACTUALLY A LOT OF FLUFF, I PROMISE YOU, angst, children lose their baby teeth up until the age of twelve!! google said so!! not proofread we die like dobby the free elf

note. damn, i cried, you cried, we all crode. tbh, the first part was only intended as a oneshot, sdfkhdf, but when i re-read it, i thought that i could have expanded on more details,, so now here we are!! i love it more than the first part ueueue. thank you all so so so much for the kind comments :((( please please enjoy the second part to this installment!! part one

HARRY JAMES POTTER was only a few months old when you died at the hands of Voldemort — or as strangers have told him every time they ravaged his personal space and ogled at his scar. They said it was a quick death, better than what had happened to Alice and Frank Longbottom. But that was all they’ve ever said about your death. Unfortunate; caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, entirely different from the pedestal James and Lily have been put on by the wizarding society.

At first, Harry had wondered if it was due to your blood relations, being the daughter of a renowned Death-Eater, heiress to the fortune of a pureblood House. Harry can’t even count the amount of conspiracy theories he’s read or heard to his face that it must have been you who betrayed James and Lily, and not Sirius Black.

Even Hermione’s shared to him a theory that your death was faked to surrender your loyalty completely to Voldemort — of course, Hermione was eleven at the time, head full of books and her favorite theories, and Harry’s already forgiven her. But there’s a part of him that despises the way he’s never known the full truth about his parents, just bits of information dangled in front of him like bait for people [read: the Dursleys] to get him to do what they want, to act like the way they want. Until Remus and Sirius, you were a stranger to him, really.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

IT IS RATHER UNFORTUNATE that Madam Pince has already taken her position as the unbearable librarian at this point in time. The woman gives Harry and you a pointed look as you slam the large book onto one of the tables — to Harry’s surprise, you glare right back at her. You’re awfully flushed, however, blushing cheeks betraying the fire in your eyes; it must have been from when Remus escorted the two of you to the library; he had tried to brush your hand with his pinky, to which you had responded with a startled hiss — Remus only smiled and chuckled at you, and Harry swears he’d like to forget that entire interaction because he saw literal stars in Remus’s eyes.

Jumping back in time and potentially causing chaos? Fun.

Meeting your parents? Definitely fun, in the strangest of ways.

But watching them pine and fall for each other? Not so fun.

Nonetheless, he hesitantly takes the seat across yours and watches you flip through the pages until you land on a chapter with the large, bold letters: THE CURIOUS CASE OF ELOISE MINTUMBLE — Time-Travel and Its Many Dangers. He meets your gaze with a sheepish grin, mustering a look of innocence; except the puppy dog eyes only worked when he was nine — you are not amused.

You slide the book towards him, scarily resembling Molly Weasley when she’s miffed with the twins. “You are aware, right, that just by existing here you’ve changed the future? Your future? And, that’s not even the worst thing that could happen.”

Harry sulks. “Yes, mum.” He prefers not to think about it, actually, it makes his head hurt.

“Don’t call me that in public!” You whisper heatedly, looking over your shoulder to check if anyone had heard him — to your luck, the library was empty, save for a Hufflepuff that was passed out on top of his books. “The less people that know about this, the better. It’s bad enough we told Potter about you. Do you even know what you’re going to do?”

“Considering I was thrown here against my will, no.” Harry shrugs. “And to be honest, I was just going to obliviate the people who asked too many questions.”

You reach over to smack his head, scowling.

“Ow! That hurt!” Harry rubs the sore spot as he grumbles petulantly. “This is technically child abuse, did you know that?”

You roll your eyes. “Do you at least have a plan to get home?”

“Of course I do,” Harry retorts with a scoff, “Her name is Hermione Granger.”

“Hopeless.” You groan exasperatedly. “Absolutely hopeless.”

Harry only grins in response. For a brief moment, he forgets about the present — his reality where the skies are bleak and home is where he knows the feeling of loss more than the warmth of his own parents’ embrace. He lets himself forget, and pretends he isn’t the Boy Who Lived. Just some random boy who’s pestering his mother — even if she likes to deny the inevitability of being romanced by the Marauders, (except for Wormtail because Harry would eat troll slime before he ever lets that happen.)

“Right then,” You say after your tangent — which Harry tuned out when he hears the words, be responsible. “If I’m going to help you get back home—”

Harry’s heart drops to his stomach; as selfishly as it sounds, he didn’t want to go home just yet — not to where people just took and took from him. He’s exhausted. Still, he puts up a front of being excited to be returned to his timeline. It’s for the greater good, of course, because his existence — present or past — is always somehow a threat to the wizarding society.

“—you need to answer this one question for me.” Your voice drops lower as you stare at him intently, lips pressed firmly.

Harry nods slowly. “As long as it’s within reason, yeah.”

You inhale sharply. “Do I outlive Dolores Umbridge?”

The wince escapes Harry before he can even stop it.

That’s all the answer you need, apparently. Your mouth hangs open in disbelief, eyes nearly bulging out of your head as you slam your hands down onto the table surface, shrieking.

“That slimy bitch!”

Needless to say, the two of you are kicked out of the library.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1970; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

YOU ARE ELEVEN when your father introduces you to Ferguson, commonly known as Fergus, Bulstrode. He smiles at you with a leer, eyes hungrily dipping to the neckline of your dress. You grit your teeth as you hold out your hand for him to take — you almost shudder at the feel of his lips on your cheek. You eagerly take a step back away from him, hoping your father won’t notice the way you shy from Ferguson’s touch. You’re not dull, you fully understand the implications of this introduction and the way Ferguson is complaining to you about his third wife’s passing — as if you were the solution to his loneliness. Bile rises to your throat, and you shove it down with a forced laugh at your father’s jokes about Mudbloods. From across the room, Allegra Greengrass stares at you in sympathy, and you send her a glare — you do not need anyone’s pity.

The corset your mother laced on too tight is suffocating you; this whole Yule extravaganza made for elitist purebloods is suffocating you; and yet, you smile and greet every red-lipped witch your mother introduces you to. For hours, you pretend, and you pretend. By the time the guests have left, you wonder if you have any more of yourself to give.

You manage to convince your mother to let you slip away for the night. Without missing a beat, you rush outside and into the garden labyrinth, lest old Ferguson snatches you up for a dance and let his gaze wander elsewhere. For the first time since the sun had set, your aching feet finally find some relief. You drop onto the edge of the stone fountain as you toss your heels to the side. You begin working your fingers through your hair, ripping the glittery ribbons from your head. It’s not until you’re unclasping your necklace that you realize you are crying. Tears fall from your eyes, and they sink deep into the fabric of your dress.

You barely hold back your sobs. Your chest heaves as you hiccup; your vision goes blurry as your fingers grow numb. There’s nothing you can do but cry.

You’ve used up all your smiles for tonight.

But then, the sadness turns into resentment and then turns into indignation. Harshly, you wipe the tears from your eyes as you rip a violent scream from your throat.

You sink to the ground, perfectly polished nails digging into the soil as you gather patches of grass and tear them from the roots. You throw a handful of mud at the marble statues. You grab another fistful of mud, scream, then bash your head against the garden floor. You let out another cry, whimpering as you curl into yourself; shivering as a gust of wind brushes against your skin. Surprisingly enough, this is the most human you’ve ever felt. This is the most you have ever felt — period.

When hiccups regress into soft sniffles, you lay on your back, watching the stars float above. As the last of your tears slide down your cheek, you lift a shaky hand to trace the constellation in the sky. It’s not a familiar one to you, but then—

“That’s Sirius.”

You sit upright in a snap, wiping away the wetness from your eyes as you muster a mean glare at the newcomer.

Sirius Black.

“Oh, none of that,” He tells you when you move to stand. There’s barely any emotion on his face and it irks you that you can’t figure out what he’s planning. What you don’t expect is for him to sit beside you, thereby ruining his expensively tailored suit.

“You’ll get creases,” You scold him instinctively, nose scrunched — but your voice is hoarse; too tired to put up any pretences. “Your mother will be cross with you.”

Sirius scoffs, laying his head on the dirt, making sure to smear his sleeves with grass stains. “Walburga can go fall in a ditch and die for all I care.”

You gasp. “That’s horrible!”

Sirius gives you a look. “You don’t believe that.”

You really don’t, but you don’t have the courage to admit it either.

After a few moments of silence, Sirius asks, raising a brow, “So who was that?”

“Who was who?” You stare at him with knitted brows, toying with your fingers. You still can’t wrap your head around how weird this is — sitting with Sirius Black in the middle of your mother’s hedge maze, your once bright blue dress now sullied at the ruffles, eyes bloodshot and your hair a frizzy mess. (Sirius thinks you look cute, though; especially with your missing front tooth that peeks out every time you talk to him.)

“Bald guy, older than Merlin himself.” Sirius makes a face. “Looks like a troll. Smells like one, too.”

A giggle flutters past your lips, and your hands fly to your mouth. You really shouldn’t be bad-mouthing your guests, but Sirius was right — Ferguson really did act like an ugly troll. You sigh, letting your arms fall to your side. “My betrothed.”

Sirius nods in understanding. “My mother tried to set me up with my own cousin once.”

You grimace. “Which cousin?”

He sits on his knees to face you, and with a very solemn face, he says, “Bellatrix.”

This time, you laugh freely, throwing your head back as Sirius pouts at your amusement. “O-Oh, that’s golden.”

“No, it’s not,” says Sirius, lips twitching as he watches you snort like a pig through your giggles. “It’s horrible. A literal nightmare. You should feel awful for me.” He pokes your stomach, and it just makes you laugh harder, eyes disappearing into your smile. “Oi. I said feel awful, not take the piss out of me.”

“S-Sorry.” You wheeze, batting away his hand pulling at your cheek. “I just can’t imagine Bellatrix in a white wedding dress and saying her vows to you.”

“That’s disgusting.” Sirius gags. “You’re horrible, I hope you know that.”

When you finally calm down and Sirius tickles your bare feet until you cry in surrender, the two of you lay on the grass as he points out each constellation to you. Later, he fishes a small box of sugar mice from his pocket and offers it to you, opening one for himself. “Here’s to shitty parents and the one day we get to decide our own future.”

You bump your squeaky candy mice against his. “Cheers, Black.”

“Will you go to Hogwarts next year?” He asks you once he’s bitten off the tail of his mice.

You nod.

Sirius shifts on his side, holding his pinky out to you. “We’ll be friends when school starts?”

Again, you nod, wrapping your pinky around his. “Friends.”

The next September comes, Sirius finds a compartment and one James Potter in it. You sit with Allegra Greengrass and Endora Lestrange on the way to Hogwarts. You are sorted into Slytherin, and Sirius finds freedom and a home in Gryffindor. You play the role created just for you; you lift your nose at those beneath you, adorn yourself in custom-made silk clothing, and carry yourself with the etiquette of a pure-blooded lady. Perfect grades, perfect hair, perfect clothes, always picture perfect.

You pretend that Allegra doesn’t throw up in the evenings from the fear of getting married to a man twice her age. You pretend that you don’t notice Endora sleep-walking and begging for her mother to save her from her father. You pretend that under your blankets, in the Slytherin dungeon, you are safe.

You pretend that it doesn’t hurt when Sirius looks at you in disappointment when you shove a Hufflepuff student to the ground for getting a higher score than you in Charms.

They call you an ice-princess behind your back, and you overhear some of the fifth-years calling you foul words as well, and no one steps in to stop them; there’s no defending a Slytherin, after all. But you are keeping your head above treacherous waters, and you suppose that is all that matters.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“SO ACCORDING TO THIS, Eloise was stuck in 1402 for five days until she was retrieved to the present, which means we only have four days left to figure out a way for you to get back home.”

Harry sinks into his chair, arms crossed over his chest. The two of you had found an empty classroom to discuss your plans away from inquisitive ears. “What’s the rush?” It’s unfair, he’d only just met you, and now he’s losing time with you.

You sigh. “Harry, Eloise Mintumble spent five days in the past and when she came back, her body aged five centuries, and she died in St. Mungos. It’s not just about altering the whole timeline, you could actually die.”

When you are met only with silence, you close the book, frowning. “Harry? What’s wrong?”

Harry swallows the lump in his throat, looking out the window to avoid your gaze. “What do you know about the Mirror of Erised?”

Your head tilts in confusion. “That it shows our heart’s deepest desire.”

“Yeah,” says Harry, nodding. “I was eleven when I found it.”

“Oh, Harry. . .”

It’s almost pathetic how quickly his eyes water. “Did you know, before today, I hadn’t known at all what your voice sounded like?”

You stay quiet, and Harry sucks in a shaky breath.

“When I looked into the mirror, I saw my parents—all of you. There I was, in the middle. You were behind me—happy.” Harry swipes a tear from his eye. “I wanted to stay in that room, stare at that mirror forever.”

“It’s—”

“Dangerous, I know.” He laughs bitterly. “Just like finally being able to meet you all here.”

“Harry, you aren’t supposed to be here in the first place,” You say quietly, eyes drooping sadly.

“I know that!” He exclaims desperately. “But is it so selfish to just want some time? I don’t want an illusion, I want the real thing. A real family. Why can’t I have that? Bloody Malfoy gets everything he wants, and what do I have?”

“Your friends,” You tell him firmly. “Your friends who must be worried sick that you’re gone and must be going great lengths to bring you back.”

“I know.” Harry wilts. He’s got Remus at home, too, who probably needs him more than ever after Sirius’s death. “I know. But can’t I just have this one thing?”

You purse your lips for a moment, brows furrowed in thought. Then, you break the silence with: “Do you want to hear a story?”

“What?” Harry croaks, peering at you through wet lashes.

Shrugging, you say, “Stories to remember us by. I’ve got six years worth of stories and then some. I know it’s not much, and you’ve probably heard some of these already from the others in the future, but it’s better than nothing, right?” You lean against the back of your chair, glancing at the wall clock before grinning at Harry. “We’ve got time to spare, anyway.”

Harry manages a smile, setting down his glasses before rubbing his stinging eyes with the handkerchief you offer him. He figures this is what Remus means when you’re the gentlest creature he’s ever known — just not gentle in what the world expects you to be.

“What do you say, Harry? I give you tidbits of the past, and you tell me if you know anything about the next Triwizard champion, so I can place my bets in advance.”

Harry snickers. “Not a chance, mum.”

“Worth a try.” And the smile you give him is nearly blinding.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1977; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND what it is about Gryffindors and their hobby of invading others’ personal space.

A year into dating and James likes to shove his head under your shirt, claiming he loves the sound of your heartbeat — but you know really what he wants to nestle his head in between. The amount of cashmere blouses he’s ruined is absurd! Sirius has a hobby of tracing runes on the plane of your stomach. Lily prefers it when you sit in front of her, just within reach where she can wrap her arms around you and rest her head on your shoulder. Remus tends to lag behind the group when he notices you walking slower due to your leg flaring up. He kisses the side of your head and promises to chase the pain away — sappy poetic that he is. And in the moments where all five of you are together, tucked under a wide alcove, you can best believe there is no escaping what they like to call, a cuddle pile. Limbs are tangled, kisses are shared, and confessions of love are whispered.

Before them, you hadn’t really known the different ways to love and be loved.

Onto the pressing matters at hand, you discover that the brazen show of affection extends to their parents as well. Particularly, the Potters. After a year, you finally caved into James’s requests for you to spend the holidays at their manor, since the others have already made a space for themselves there, and James had said it would be an honor for you to feel at home with his parents, too. Honestly, you spoil them too much — one look into his bright, wide eyes and you gave in. James didn’t even care that you brought two luggages for clothes alone; he lifted each bag with delight and with ease.

(Remus had the audacity to laugh when he caught you and Sirius staring at James’s flexed muscles, mouth wide open.

“As I have said, Remus Lupin, I do not drool!”

“Sure, dove, whatever you say.”)

But now, you really aren’t so sure of your decision.

“Oh, she’s beautiful, Jamie!” Euphemia encases you in a bear hug the moment you step inside the manor. You’re engulfed in the scent of cinnamon and burnt sugar. You stiffen as she cradles your face in between her palms, smiling ever so fondly at you, cooing about how precious you look, much like a mother would — and how your mother never did. You wonder if this is what you’ve been missing all along — the thought stabs you right in the heart. “Please excuse the mess, dear, we haven’t had the chance to clean up yet, Monty and I are excited to try the recipe Lily owled to us the other day, you see.”

“I-It’s okay,” You rasp, struggling to hold back the tears.

“Oh, what a darling you are!” Euphemia smiles and ushers you further inside. “Come, come. The others are right upstairs. You must be tired from the train ride. It is so lovely to finally meet you. Make yourself at home, dear heart — James Fleamont Potter! Give your mama a kiss this instant! Don’t think introducing your girlfriend will distract me from the fact you didn’t owl me letters for two months straight!”

James whines as he hides behind you. “Mum, I’m seventeen, stop embarrassing me.”

Euphemia scoffs, hands snapping to her hips. “You’re going to be my baby boy forever, now come here.”

With a shy smile, you step away to surrender James to his mother — you don’t understand which part of this is embarrassing; you wish for a mum who’d welcome you home like that, with unconditional love and kind eyes. James squawks and calls you a traitor, just before his mum attacks him with loud, exaggerated kisses to his cheek, leaving lipstick stains all over his face. You hide a laugh behind your palm, ignoring the way your heart pangs at the sight of their unrestrained smiles. Euphemia lets her son go after a few more seconds, cackling at the masterpiece she’s created on a grumbling James, who’s rubbing his skin to erase his mother’s affections. She hugs you once more before setting you off, telling you to meet Fleamont after you’ve unpacked.

Just as you reach the foot of the stairs, you hear a girlish squeal, then the sound of rapid footfall against each wooden step. Lily greets the two of you by jumping off the last step and wrapping each arm around yours and James’s neck. “Welcome home, Jamie!” She captures his lips with her own before doing the same to you, cupping your cheek lovingly, “So happy you made it, princess! How was the ride here?”

You were never a fan of traveling by Floo; it made you nauseous after, and left you with a pounding headache for hours. Without hesitation, the others offered to accompany you on the train, but you insisted they Floo ahead to Godric’s Hollow — it took a lot of convincing, but they finally agreed, (they’re not the only ones spoiled; they couldn’t refuse you, too.) With the exception of James, who wanted to be there when you saw his home for the first time. You nearly cried when you saw how well-loved their manor was; rose shrubs dipped in snow, Sirius’s motorcycle parked outside, a mailbox with poorly painted shapes, the fences covered in Christmas lights, and the amount of shoes by the door. From outside, you could hear the laughter and warm conversations.

“It was fine,” You say in a daze.

Lily sees right through you — and frowns sadly. “You alright?”

Were you?

You catch sight of the moving photographs of James and you finally reach your breaking point. There’s a swell in your throat that you can’t seem to push down. There’s a photo of James, Lily, Remus and Sirius; James is in his Quidditch jersey, raising the Golden Snitch high up in the air, Remus is twirling Lily, his arms around her waist, and Sirius is holding up a charmed banner that says: Gryffindor Rules! Slytherin Sucks! Except For My Darling Angel Love Of My Life Most Beautiful And Gorgeous Perfect Brilliant Girlfriend!

There are hints of life all around the manor. Remus’s textbooks and scarf are laid by the coffee table. Lily’s O.W.L. marks are framed on the wall, along with Dumbledore’s letters to James and Lily awarding them the position of Head Girl and Head Boy, as well as McGonagall’s previous letter to Remus that came with his Prefect badge years ago. There’s a spot dedicated to Peter, filled with a photograph of him awkwardly holding his Herbology test, one that he scored a hundred and twelve percent on. It’s a wall dedicated to them, you realize.

Then, you find it.

Right there, up above James’s spot, and beside Sirius’s display of beyond perfect Transfiguration exam marks, and a picture of him and Remus kissing each side of your face.

It’s a space on that wall just for you.

James follows your gaze and rubs the back of his head, ears tinged with a shade of deep pink. “Mum left a space when I first told her about you. I-It’s yours, you can put anything you want there.”

“I can’t,” You whisper, lips quivering as your heart cracks into a million pieces. It’s too much.

James blinks. “Can’t? It’s yours, I promise. Mum won’t mind. You can even hang your dumb Montrose Magpies poster and I won’t tear it down — Marauders’ honor. I can help you if you want. I-I’m not good as decorating as Lily, but I paid attention to your boring explanation of color theory and I know that you hate this shade of—”

“James, I can’t do this.”

That’s all you say before you run out of the door.

(And you’re absolutely delusional if you think James won’t follow you out that door and into the brewing snowstorm.)

You hear James call out to you, but you opt to ignore him and clutch your winter coat tighter around your body, shivering in the blowing wind, trudging through the deep snow through your heeled boots — designer couldn’t help you now even if you tried. You sniff, the salty taste of your tears dripping to your lips, chest tightening with a foreign kind of pain, and the frost nipping at your fingers. You give up after a few minutes, falling to the ground with an anguished cry, hand clutching the front of your chest as you struggle to breathe.

James reaches you in a matter of minutes, draping his jacket over you, barely flinching as the cold welts his bare skin. Frantically, he wipes the tears from your eyes, a pained expression on his face as he sees you cry helplessly. “Come on, dove, it’s not safe out here. Let’s go back home, yeah? I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry — I’m so sorry, dove, please don’t cry, it’s killing me to s–see you like this.” Tears fall from his eyes, and he begins stuttering from the cold, but you can’t go back to the manor. “What did I do? Please tell me so I can fix it. I love you—I’m sorry.”

You bat his chest. “G–Go home, Jamie. I’ll just take the train back to the castle.”

“What?” He shakes his head, grabbing onto your hands. “Y–You can’t. Not in this weather. You’ll get sick if you try to walk back to the station.”

You withdraw from his hold as you back away from James, slipping into the ice-cold mask you know so well.

James rises in an instant, reaching for you. “No, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do that. Not now. Not with me. Please, just come home and I-I’ll fix it.”

“Goodbye, James,” You tell him firmly, clenching your jaw as you look him straight in the eyes.

He grimaces. “That won’t work on me, princess, and you know it. Don’t push me away—please.”

“Go home, James!” You yell bitterly, pivoting on your heel as you march through the thick inches of snow, hearing Remus and Lily’s voice grow louder in the distance. “Just go!”

He grits his teeth, nails digging deep into the palms of his hand. “You’re a coward if you walk away from here—from us—right now!” James shouts through chattering teeth and stray tears. “And I hate cowards more than anything!”

You don’t look back.

(Later that night, James stares blankly at the fireplace, tossing twigs now and then. He’s all out of tears. Remus crosses his legs as he sits beside James and offers him a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

“Don’t want one,” He mutters, words coarse from earlier, head turning away from Remus’s gift. “Just want her.”

Remus sets the beverage on the ground before pulling James’s head down to his chest, gently wiping the tears from his eyes as he wraps the blanket around both of them. He presses a soft kiss to James’s hair.

“I said I hated her,” James says weakly. “I don’t—I never will. I just hate that she’s out there spending Christmas all alone. She could be here—with us. I hate not knowing that she’s safe, or that she thinks I don’t love her anymore—that’s a bloody lie, Moony. I adore her. If anything, I don’t deserve her.”

James finds out that he does have more tears left in him. “I miss her. Bring her back, Rem, please.”

“You’ll cry yourself sick, love.” Remus wipes each tear away. “Let’s go to bed, yeah? Mornings do have a way of bringing miracles to us.” Because after a night of excruciating pain under the moon’s command, he wakes up to sunlight, and there you all are — smiling down at him like he is deserving of love; and maybe Remus can’t fault you for running away.

You’d kiss him gently and tell him how proud you are of him for coming back to you.

Remus only hopes you come back to them, too.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“AND THAT, dear Harry, is how I humiliated Lucius Malfoy in fifth-year.” Your eyes gleam wickedly as you rest your arms on the school desk. “If he ever bothers you in your time, just mention my name—oh, I wish I could see the look on his face when he realizes I’m haunting him from my grave. Tell him, okay?”

Harry nods excitedly. “Definitely.”

“Got anymore stories?” He asks.

You cackle menacingly. “Boy, do I ever. Let me tell you about the one time Beckett McLaggen took me out on a date to Madam Puddifoot’s!”

Harry grimaces. “Do I even want to hear about this?”

“Oh, pish-posh.” You dismiss him with a wave. “You do, this story is hilarious. Now that I look back on it, Sirius was quite cross with him for the rest of the day—how strange. I wonder why.”

Harry stares at you in disbelief. “You’re joking.”

“I most certainly am not, Harry Potter.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1974; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

AN EAR-PIERCING scream wakes you up in the middle of the night. You snatch your wand from under your pillow, heart thudding against your chest in fear — last year, the Prewett twins decided it was funny to break into the girls’ quarters at midnight; you get a month worth of detention for hitting Gideon with the Expulso curse and suspension from class for two weeks, while the twins get away with a slap on the wrist and have the time of their lives spreading rumors of you being a Death-Eater.

Endora shoots up to her feet as well, staring at you in panic — then the girl screams again, and you realize it’s Allegra.

You sigh in relief, lowering your wand before saying to Endora, “I-It’s alright. I’ll handle it.”

“Are you sure?” Endora asks timidly, gnawing at her lip and wincing when Allegra wails once more.

“Certain,” You respond, yawning.

As Endora climbs back into her bed, you slip into Allegra’s side, holding her head to your chest, brushing your fingers through her hair and untangling the knots. Like most of the Greengrass women, she was of ethereal beauty — silky blonde hair, smooth and fair skin, deep blue eyes that enchant wizards and witches alike. But her cheeks have gone sallow from exhaustion, eyes devoid of any emotion, and her skin now sunken into her bones.

“I don’t want to marry him—I can’t! He’s old enough to be my father!” Allegra sobs violently, desperate for anyone to hear her, but no one really ever hears their cries from the dungeon. “They said they’d wait until I graduated—they promised! I’m supposed to marry him this summer!”

Your heart breaks for your friend — there’s nothing you can do but hold her until she’s cried every bit of her soul out.

“I hate them,” Allegra whispers to you; she had been shedding tears for hours, trembling in your arms until morning finally came.

“I know,” You say defeatedly.

“I wish I was dead,” She replies lifelessly. “He can’t marry a dead bride.”

“Don’t say that,” You beg as you hug her tight; afraid to lose her to the world that has worn her down. “Please.”

Allegra sinks into her pillows, and you follow in suit, hesitantly laying your head beside hers. She stares at the ceiling dully. “The world is so, so cruel to us daughters sometimes. And it’ll be cruel to our daughters, and their daughters. When will it end?”

“I don’t know,” You say honestly.

Allegra hums, neither disappointed nor surprised, and turns away to lay on her side. “Pansy,” She mumbles.

“What?”

“If we lived in a better world and I married for love, I’d want to name my daughter Pansy — like the flower.”

(Later that day, you are given detention for beating Evan Rosier to a pulp. He makes a joke about dirty blood, and you snap — you are tired of laughing and pandering to the arrogant men in your life. This is the first time you publicly defy your parents, and it felt good — more than good, it was liberating. It’s like breathing fresh air for the first time. Then, you earn a second detention for storming up to the Gryffindor common room and punching Fabian Prewett in the face — because fourth-year boys had no business sneaking into the girls’ dorm in the middle of the night for some stupid prank — and you threaten him by pointing the tip of your wand deep into his neck, demanding they apologize to you, Allegra, and Endora.

You get what you want, naturally — as princesses do. You decide then that you’re going to create a world where girls like Allegra don’t cry anymore.)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

HARRY TWINGES WHEN he hears the end of your fourth or fifth story of the afternoon — no wonder you had been so angered by his being in your room. “I-I’m sorry—”

“Yesterday was hardly your fault,” You interrupt him. “There’s no controlling where magic brings you, not in your case. You didn’t know, but now you know. I don’t hold it against them — anymore. Fifteen-year-old boys can be stupid, and at least they’ve learned from their mistakes. You should have seen your mother — erm, Lily — she looked like she was ready to kill them after finding out what they had done. Even Molly was cross with the twins, and you know how loyal Molly is to her family.”

Oh, Harry knows.

And Hermione knows it all too well.

“Others call us evil, conniving and cruel, Harry,” You tell him grimly, “But I will protect my own, no matter what I have to do.”

At that moment, Harry thinks he understands why some people come to fear Slytherin.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1978; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

“LOOK, LILY-PAD, the princess is drooling again.”

You open your eyes to glare at Sirius. “I don’t drool, idiot.”

Lily chortles as she presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Of course you don’t, princess.”

Currently, you’re lying on a shabby loveseat that is too small to hold the three of you; it’s the only furniture in the new cottage you call home, where Potter Manor was right across the street. (Euphemia was ecstatic to have you all nearby — the lovely woman was sprite for her age, but you notice the way she stops to sit and catch her breath, Sirius and James hovering over her attentively; you’re good at pretending, so you pretend that the Potters will be around forever.) Some rooms are dusty with cobwebs, walls unfinished, with the floors creak under your feet, and there’s no other place you’d rather call home.

You’re in between Sirius and Lily; your lips swollen from their kisses, cheeks flushed and the column of your throat graced with love marks. It’s the most beautiful set of jewelry you’ve ever worn, not even burmese rubies could compare. Lily’s hand rests under your jumper, Sirius’s thigh wedged between your own. While peace blankets the three of you, James and Remus have yet to come home from their task given by the Order.

“You need a haircut, my love,” You mumble drowsily, pulling at one of the dark ringlets — it’s gone past his shoulders now. He captures your hand and leaves a delicate kiss on your fingertips.

Lily buries her nose in your hair. “She’s right, Siri.”

“I’m always right.” You pout.

Sirius, love-sick fool that he is, smiles as he tilts your chin with his finger and ensnares you in a kiss that leaves you breathless. “Course you are — our girl’s bloody brilliant, isn’t she, Lily-pad?”

“Without a doubt.”

You roll your eyes at their antics, rolling around so that your back is pressed to Sirius’s chest — they’re not fooled, however; Lily sees the way your eyes flicker in amusement and the way your lips threaten to curve up into a smile. She traces the swell of your lips with her thumb, to the dip of your nose, and to the apples of your cheek. Sea-green eyes beam at you.

“I love you,” says Lily, committing every inch of you to her memory as she wears a melancholic smile. “I don’t know who told you that you don’t deserve to be loved, but they were wrong. You are so precious to us, dove, you don’t even know how much. This right here is real — and nothing could ever change that.”

As it turns out, you did have more smiles to give — only the happy ones; not the fake, courteous smiles that you had given to your mother’s friends in the past. You come to intertwine your hand with Lily’s, the one that had been resting on your cheek, tenderly wiping the tears that pooled within your eyes. Your heart could burst from your chest. They had a habit of wringing every emotion out of you; of making love feel real, not just a myth from a Muggle storybook. And you find, that you didn’t mind this particular habit of theirs. In the comforts of the place you call home, where you irrefutably belong, you are free to seek their arms and fall into their love, and the best part is where you get to love them right back.

How lucky you are.

“Let��s get married,” You blurt out, holding your breath, feeling Sirius’s hand on your waist stiffen.

“What?” Lily gasps breathlessly.

You smile up at Lily. “Let’s get married. All of us. I don’t care where, o–or about the rings, let’s just get married. With the war going on, we deserve s–something good.”

Lily sobs as she nods excitedly. “Yes. Oh my Gods—we’re getting married!”

Sirius stares at you in wonder. “Bloody hell, dove, give a guy some warning, would you?”

You grin. “Is that a yes?”

“It’s a yes — forever.” Sirius dives in to kiss you senseless. “Couldn’t get rid of us now even if you tried.”

“I don’t think I’d want to, anyway.”

Right then, the rickety door slams open, and you hear the loves of your life calling out for the three of you. Followed by the heavy thud of Dragonhide boots plunking down onto the floor

“We’re home!” James announces in the entryway.

Lily wastes no time in shooting up from the sofa and welcoming them home with quite a unique greeting:

“We’re all getting married!”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“That ring is an heirloom passed down to the children in our family,” You tell Harry, pointing to the band around his finger. “It’s meant to symbolize our loyalty and duty to our House. My mother said I would have earned it only when I became a wife to Ferguson Bulstrode.” You chuckle at Harry’s perturbed grimace. “No, I didn’t marry him — thankfully. After Allegra. . . I—I. . . I couldn’t bear it. If I was going to marry, it would be on my own terms, and it would be for love, nothing less. Then, if my child wanted it, I’d give them this ring. I want to leave behind a legacy that I created. When I was younger, I’d resigned to a fate that was forcefully carved by someone else’s hand.”

You shake your head. “I want to die being remembered by those who loved me. Otherwise, I was never truly alive.”

Harry won’t let that happen, he won’t ever let your name be forgotten. He’ll share of your kindness to his friends, of your bravery and loyalty. Hermione will love your fondness of Muggle musicals and how you stood up to Lily’s defense in a world that ostracized her for being different. He’ll remind Remus of your love for him, that he had brought you hope in times of despair. Harry is going to make sure the world knows you had been so full of life with endless love to give. You are going to be remembered in the way Voldemort never will.

“What do the words mean?” He stares at the writing: Tempus Edax Rerum.

You smile. “Time, devourer of all things.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1978; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

“REMUS—THE MUGGLES ARE stuck in the telly again!”

Remus snickers as he takes the vacant space beside you on the loveseat, now sewn up with care and spattered with knitted quilts and throw pillows — still too small to carry three people but hasn’t given out yet, anyway. He takes Lily’s legs over his lap, swiftly stealing a kiss from your lips. “It’s a film, dove, they’re acting.”

You purse your lips. “They’re trapped inside, then?”

Lily snorts into her tub of chocolate fudge ice cream. “Not quite, princess, it’s recorded. Movies are like moving photographs — but they’re an hour long with sounds.”

“Oh.” You turn your attention back to the screen, back to the film Lily had been watching. You had to admit — the story of Sandy and Danny was an interesting one. “Lily-pad, she’s singing — again.”

Sirius hushes you from where he was cuddling James on the other couch. “She’s supposed to sing, dove, it’s a musical.”

“Well, yes,” You begin, and James groans into Sirius’s chest, “But they should just talk instead of singing all the time — Sandy’s got a lovely voice, though. I just don’t understand why Danny’s treating her like that! Truthfully, I don’t like any of Sandy’s new friends, other than Frenchy — she’s harmless. If I was Sandy I’d move on from Danny — but then again, that hair and those muscles, and his leather jacket! I can’t blame her.”

Sirius glowers at you. “You like his leather jacket?”

“His hair?” James exclaims in horror.

Remus chuckles as he tucks you in his side, kissing your temple. “If I were you, dove, I’d be quiet and just watch the film.”

“Oh, no, no.” Sirius barely glances at the television as he pauses the film and stands up to point an accusatory finger at you. “Since when were you into leather jackets? Do you think those are cool? Since when? Jamie, should I get one? Let’s unpack this, right now. And his muscles, really?”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Play the film, Black, I want to see the end of their love story.”

“I’m telling Euphemia on you!”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1976; CURRENTLY, IN THE PAST.)

“—and then we realized that we accidentally locked Hermione in with the troll.” Harry’s arms flail about as he shares some of his adventures with you — it had only been fair. He felt like a young boy again, entering Hogwarts for the first time as he watched you listen to him intently, gasping at tale of the vanishing glass and scolding him when he says he and Ron had decided to go searching for Hermione, and by extension, the troll.

Your eyes grow wide. “A troll? In Hogwarts? They can’t have, not unless—”

“Someone let it in—I know!” Harry grins. “You’re not going to believe who let the troll in the castle.”

You snap your fingers, “Malfoy, the older one. I know that lump’s got something to do with this. Can’t have been Snape or Quirrell.”

“Just you wait.” Harry’s eyes twinkle with mischief. “—and so, Professor McGonagall finds us, and can you believe it? She awards us for dumb luck! Then. . .”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1979; ORIGINAL TIMELINE.)

IT HAD COME AS A surprise when you volunteered to join the Order of the Phoenix. You wanted to scoff at their shocked faces — was it so surprising that you wanted to protect your family? They let Severus Snape join their ranks, and you’re fairly certain that you’re a better fighter and survivalist than him — not the better liar, however, he can have that one. The week before, you and the others had an argument that lasted for the whole day. They did not want you in harm’s way, and you would rather die than stay at home, waiting idly for them to return, when you could be out there alongside them.

(“It’s not some game out there!” Remus runs through his hair in frustration — he had always been so careful to never raise his voice at you, but this one time, he needed you to back down. “Every time you step into a raid, there’s a possibility of you dying, don’t you understand that? And even if you survive — you’ll have blood on your hands, and it does not wash away no matter how many times you try, trust me, we know.”

“So what?” You throw your hands up in the air, equally aggravated. “I just stay here like some. . . some pet waiting for their owners to come home?”

“Yes!” Lily angrily replies. “That is the whole point of us joining the Order — so you get to live another day. So we all have a chance at this new world without a war. Let us protect you!”

You grind down on your jaw. “You have got another thing coming, if you think I’m not going to fight tooth and nail for my future.”

James slams a fist onto the kitchen counter. “There are horrors out there you can’t even imagine. I-It’s worse than we thought. It’s our every nightmare come to life.”

You raise your chin defiantly. “Then we face it together.”)

Each day, you survive, and each day the five of you return home — scarred and bruised, but safe within the arms of one another. When you collapse and crumble, it is only for the walls of your home to witness.

Now a month into autumn, you are on your first task without Sirius, James, Lily or even Remus. Instead, you are assigned by Dumbledore to Knockturn Alley along with Peter Pettigrew and Gideon Prewett. How strange time was, years ago you’d never associate with the proud Gryffindors, and now you had to trust them to guard your back. Everyone had to grow up quickly during war, even pranksters.

The alley was quiet — too quiet for your liking. You had been on alert since the moment you apparated into the area, wand at your ready. The back of your neck prickled with goosebumps as you kept an ear out for any sign of movement.

Peter shivers and you glance at him — he’s become far too skinny, constantly shrinking into himself out of fear. And while you want to comfort him, you keep your eyes up ahead. Still, there's a nagging feeling that you can’t quite make out. It’s different from all the other times you’ve been asked to search and rescue.

“Don’t you feel like there’s something wrong?” You ask Gideon, eyes snapping to the flock of crows flying overhead.

“Dunno, kid,” Gideon says, nudging your shoulder with pressed lips. “Everything about this is freaking me out. The place is too empty.”

“I get what you mean,” You reply, swallowing your own nervousness. Without waiting for the rest, you speed up your pace. “I’ll scout ahead, who knows what’s been here before us. I don’t want to risk any of our lives, so let’s be careful. Gideon, ward the area while I check for any cursed objects, last time you almost got your arm cut off by a newspaper of all things. And Peter, could you. . . Peter?”

When you turn to check behind you, it all happens so fast.

“Avada Kedavra!”

You scream as Gideon’s deathly pale body falls to the floor.

“No!”

You aren’t given a moment to rush to his side — someone digs their wand in the side of your neck, and you stiffen in their hold. It’s not until they hiss in your ear that you recognize the voice.

“Rosier.” You spit, biting down on your lip when he presses the tip of his wand further into your flesh.

“Stupid witch,” He taunts, eyes dilating with vengeance. “Where are your lovers now?”

“Jealous?” You claw at his arms, chest heaving up and down. “We don’t have room for one more, sorry.”

“Shut up!” He pushes you to the ground in blind rage, and that’s all the opening you need.

“Expulso!”

Each curse you send his way lands on his cloaked body, sending him staggering backwards. With ease, you deflect each spell he counters with. You’re winning, he is growing tired, and perhaps that is why you let your guard down.

“Accio wand!”

The magic fizzles out, and the spell dies on your lips. As you swivel your head to find out who’s stolen your wand, you expect to find another Death Eater — except it’s Peter. Just Peter Pettigrew, quivering in his boots with tears and snot dripping down his face, your wand in his free hand. You furrow your brows — it doesn’t make sense.

“Peter?” You call out.

“Crucio!”

The curse finds its home in your body — and it sinks deep into your flesh, grinding your bones until you slump to the ground, wriggling as you draw blood from your lips, refusing to let them hear an ounce of your pain. Blood trickles down your nose as you hear Evan Rosier dancing around you in glee. You know this curse well; the sound of your father condemning you gleefully echo in your head. You crawl over to Gideon — hand desperately reaching for his shirt.

“Crucio!” Rosier grabs you by the hair and howls with laughter. “Scream for me again—Crucio!”

It’s as though someone had begun to rip you in half. Your bones shift and crack with every uttered curse. The veins in your eyes have popped and through bloody vision, you see Peter cowering away from you.

“You—fucking—traitor,” You gurgle, throat welling up with blood that’s risen from your stomach. “They’ll—never—forgive you—never.”

“Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Come on, witch — SCREAM! Look at her go, Pettigrew, crawling like some pathetic worm.”

You lay in your owl pool of blood, wearing a body that is marred and lacerated. But you see something in Gideon’s hand. I’m sorry, you want to tell him. I’ll get you home to Molly, you promise, please lend me your magic this once. With every last bit of your strength, just as Rosier directs another curse at you — one you know you won’t survive — you snatch the wand from Gideon’s hand and tear the last of your magic from your throat.

“Defodio!”

You wait with a bated breath as silence fills the alley; lucky to have remembered Professor Flitwick’s quick remark as to how the slight difference in pronouncing a charm could alter its effect. Rosier stands on shaky legs, a stream of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. You watch as he looks down to his chest, where a gaping hole now lies instead of where his ribcage and heart should be. As Gideon had done before him, Evan Rosier crashes to the ground.

That just leaves one more problem.

Peter scurries to your side the moment Rosier can hurt him no longer. “I-I’m sorry—I’m sorry. I had to. . . T–They killed my mum, they killed M–Mary, and t–they said I would die too if I d–didn’t do this. I’m sorry. Y–Your father was there, too. He said he would take you in, let you l–live if you joined us. W–We can live, t–there’s still a chance for us to survive.”

Your fingers are bent at unsightly angles, the remnants of the Torture Curse still flowing through your veins, but your face contorts in anger as you let your hand curl around his neck. He sobs louder, and though your grip is weakening — you make sure he looks into your eyes, that he feels your touch.

“I’d rather—die.” You say through gritted teeth, nails drawing blood from his grimy skin. “You’ll die too—you’ll feel my blood on your skin—everywhere you go, Peter.”

Peter shakes his head, now clumsily pushing his wand down to the center of your chest. “Y–You were the only o–one who d–didn’t laugh at me. N–Not like the others.”

“When they find out—you’re dead, Pettigrew.” You laugh darkly as more blood exits your body through your lips. “There’s nowhere you can hide—you’re a dead man.”

“P-Please die,” Peter cries out, each killing spell coming out as a garbled whisper. “Please die, s–so I can live. I c–can’t fight anymore, I’m tired.”

Your vision goes a hazy shade of white, Peter’s silhouette fading away to the familiar scenery of your cottage in Godric’s Hollow.

Oh.

Dying is less painful than you had expected it to be. It’s like coming home after a day’s work.

You just wanted to rest now.

The world caves in on you, and you barely hear Peter’s next words.

“Avada Kedavra.”

(It’s past midnight when Peter Pettigrew arrives at Grimmauld Place, where it’s been altered to host the members of the Order, Lily sobs in relief and gathers him in her arms.

You’ll feel my blood on your skin.

You’re a dead man.

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re home safe — welcome home — thank the Gods you’re alive,” Lily blabbers through her tears, checking his face for any major injuries. “Merlin, what happened? There’s too much blood on you. It’s on your shirt and your face.”

“It’s not mine,” says Peter hoarsely.

Sirius’s gaze darkens, arms crossed over his jacket as he leaned against the wall. “Where is she?”

Lily nods, standing on her tiptoes to search for any sign of you. “Peter? I–Is she alright? Has something happened to her?”

Peter stays silent for a moment too long, and he finds himself slammed against the wall behind him, Sirius snarling in his face as he seizes the front of Peter’s soiled shirt. “Where the fuck is she, Pettigrew?”

Peter begins to weep. “I–It was an ambush. None of us saw it coming. Gideon r–ran. She was taking on two Death-Eaters at once and I–I was too far away.”

Lily collapses to the ground with a heart-wrenching scream.

Sirius growls as he drives his fist to the wall, inches away from Peter’s face. “Where is her body?”

“It was a disintegration spell.” With Severus Snape — brought to the Malfoy Manor to be made as an example of what happens to blood-traitors.

James pushes Sirius out of the way and grabs a hold of Peter, knocking his head against the concrete. “It should have been you—” James snaps at Peter. “If it came down to you or her—you should have saved her!”

“W-What?” Peter stammers, eyes wide. “She chose to save m–me.”

James sneers at him. “You should have just died.”)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

(1996; CURRENTLY, IN THE PRESENT.)

ST. JEROME’S GRAVEYARD had exactly one visitor. Remus Lupin sits in between James and Lily’s graves, a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand — four empty at his side. He must be going crazy. There’s no funeral for Sirius as there’s no body to actually bury, Harry is presumed missing after an attack in Diagon Alley, and your name stares back at him mockingly. He tries not to dwell on your passing — there have been too many holes, too many details left unsaid; and he knows just the rat who has all the answers. Unfortunately, Wormtail won’t come out of whatever hole he’s crawled into. Either him, or Severus.

He sighs, rubbing the temples of his head to ease the growing pains.

You are the first to be buried of the five. Like Sirius, there had been no recovered body to lay to rest, but they asked for a compromise instead. Your name is engraved under Euphemia’s in her tombstone, and Remus figures it’s the fitting place to leave you be — with your mother, welcoming you home with open arms. He hopes you’re at peace, wherever you are. (Because, honestly, at this point, he might just fucking follow you.)

Remus takes another swig of his alcohol, laughing bitterly to himself. He glances at James’s headstone and raises his bottle to him. “Not even in death, huh?”

He downs the last of the drink, rising to his tremulous legs. Remus gathers the flower bouquets he had bought earlier this morning; lilies-of-the-valley for Lily, white carnations for Euphemia, forget-me-nots for you, and for James — Remus leaves a moving photograph of him and Sirius; it’s a snapshot taken by Lily during the wedding as James dips his head low to kiss Sirius. Remus thinks it’s a wonderful memory to remember them by.

“Take care of them for me, Jamie.”

And that is all the goodbyes Remus has the strength for.

end note. i think i was crying the whole time i was writing this part, LMAO. i should be able to wrap things up in the next one. important!! there is actually a scene i was hesitant to include, but i ended up writing anyway. it's the whole part where allegra greengrass breaks down, and it was difficult for me to decide because i knew the implications; that i had a strong underlying message in that part, and i don't want it to be misconstrued or anything. pls pls tell me if it comes off as offensive, i definitely don't want to hurt anyone. nevertheless, thank you again so so so much for reading!! if you spot a plot hole, no you didnt!! i hope the time-jumps weren't too confusing! again, thank you so so much for reading!!

#hp angst #hp fluff #hp imagine #hp x reader #james potter x reader #lily evans x reader #marauders angst #marauders fluff #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #sirius black x reader #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders fluff #remus lupin x reader #sunny's hp fics

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noperopesaredope · 5 months

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Random Angsty BNHA Bakugou AU

So I was reading this crackfic (absolutely hilarious btw), and the third chapter, while comedic, gave me an idea for a potentially angsty AU (don't have a name for it yet).

So, like in canon, after Bakugou learns that Deku is quirkless, he starts bullying him and beating him up sometimes. But the thing is, Bakugou is five years old, and doesn't completely know how to control his quirk, or were the limit is.

(They are still little kids btw, and their relationship is in a complicated place where Deku still kinda views Bakugou as a friend) One day, while bullying Deku, Bakugou accidently takes things a little too far, and creates a way bigger explosion than usual. Right in Deku's face.

This obviously kills him, and deeply traumatized Bakugou. Because, ya know, he accidently killed his friend(?) as a little kid. After this incident, Bakugou becomes a lot more cautious about his quirk, and a bit more reserved. Well, reserved isn't quite the right word. He's still his angry, pissed off self, but he's also a lot more closed off, and prefers to avoid people. He acts mostly the same, but lacking a lot of the confidence and arrogance he has in canon.

He's still angry and can get pissed off easily, and will quickly escalate to yelling, but he rarely gets physical (still a bit afraid of his own quirk accidently killing someone again, especially since it's gotten a lot more powerful).

Bakugou also secretly feels a lot of guilt over what happened, and while he doesn't let it show (since he rarely talks about the incident), he definitely has a ✨complex✨

However, despite this, he still wants to be a hero, and while he's not sure if he deserves it, he feels compelled to sign up for UA anyways. Maybe it's his old childhood desire lingering on. Maybe it's to save people and stop more tragedies from occurring. Maybe it's to carry on Deku's own dream of being a hero. Who knows? Not Bakugou.

The main thing that will be a major part of his arc in this AU is the fact that he holds back a LOT. It actually changes his whole fighting style, because as much as he doesn't completely care all that much about the safety of villains (he's not that OOC in this), he still has a lot of discomfort around aiming his explosions directly at people (flashbacks may occur when he does so). This means he will end up finding ways to fight without directly aiming his attacks, instead using his surroundings and strategizing more.

While he's still pretty good at fighting, its clear that he's actively avoiding using his full potential, kinda like pre-tournament Todoroki (but for VERY different reasons). So he's much more ~mysterious~, but people don't realize it at first, because he seems relatively "normal" and isn't completely closed off, just prickly.

It also makes his dynamic with the class a bit interesting, because they are some of the first people he's begun opening up around ever since the incident. And he's more openly pissed off around them (though they all realize that that's just his personality and actually a sign that he feels comfortable with them). So when Bakugou's past is finally revealed (possibly not to everyone at once, but to a select few people), it's a big shock and stuff. They knew he was closed off and a bit of a bitch, but they didn't recognize there might be underlying trauma present.

I think it could be interesting if it was a slow burn reveal for some of the characters, starting with the tournament arc. Aizawa notices him holding back a lot during the early fights (maybe he noticed a bit during class, but never acknowledged it), and decides to confront Bakugou about it in private. Eventually, after a bit of arguing, Aizawa has him backed into a corner, and Bakugou doesn't admit everything at once, but he does reveal that something bad did happen at some point that makes him reluctant about using his quirk.

Aizawa understands this, but tells him he still needs to learn to use it, despite the fear. And thus, Bakugou's arc properly begins.

The first person he would fully admit some of the details to would probably be Kirishima (though Denki could be a much funnier yet sweet alternative. But maybe both at once could work), though in one of those quieter scenes. Maybe, in the middle of a battle (probably against LoV), Kirishima (or alternatively Denki) asks Bakugou why he won't use his quirk against the villains, and Bakugou lashes out a bit at him. Kirishima/Denki realizes that this is really sensitive to Bakugou, and not just a normal secret. So tells him that Bakugou can tell him on his own terms.

This is one of the first/few times that someone has actually let Bakugou have space rather than proding, and he isn't fully sure how to react, but it's also a relief.

Then, later, after the battle, when all is said and done, Kirishima/Denki and Bakugou are having a quiet moment together. And this is when Bakugou decides that he is comfortable telling the truth. He keeps it mostly vague, but does say that when he was a little kid, he was a lot more cocky and confident using his quirk. But one day, he used a much bigger explosion towards a former friend of his, and the other kid didn't survive.

It's a very quiet and sad scene and depending on the character, could be pretty interesting.

The rest of Class 1A might actually figure it out themselves, or at least realize something is Up™ after a more unusual outburst from Bakugou (maybe someone jokingly calls Kacchan and he lashes out).

Anyways, that's MOST of this AU. But there are a few small potential directions the overarching plot can go.

In a normal version of this AU, All Might won't need to pass down One for All, or its his natural quirk, or whatever. I'm handwaving plot stuff. I think it could make things pretty interesting all on its own, just exploring Bakugou on his journey to become a hero with his whole complex.

But if we want to spice things up, maybe Bakugou ends up somehow proving to All Might that he deserves OfA, and All Might decides to make Bakugou his successor. Bakugou is actually reluctant at first, but then accepts it.

Then we have things a little closer to canon but with the added element of a "Bakugou Gets One for All" AU, except Deku isn't there because Bakugou accidently killed him when they where children. This actually can give him minor parallels to Shigaraki, as the dude DID kill his family using his quirk as a kid, and Bakugou secretly relates to elements of that, as well as the idea of having a potentially fatal quirk.

IDK, it could be interesting, but someone else would need to add all the details. I could also have someone else take OfA, and Bakugou's still a major supporting character, but the whole "Deku died" thing is his secret backstory. Or Bakugou's still the main character of the AU, and the OfA thing is an underlying major plotline we find out about later. And it's a whole big reveal. Maybe it could be Kirishima or something. That would be insane.

So those are (most of) my ideas for this AU. Sure, it's a bit basic, and pretty OOC (then again, what canon-divergent AU isn't at least a little OOC?). But I love it all the same. Give me your thoughts and suggestions, and feel free to add more or even write fics with it (though please credit me for the concept). I'd love your feedback!

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hiccupfound · 2 months

Text

On Hermione killing Draco in Jagged

i’ve always wanted to give my explanation for this, but i fell out of fandom before i got the chance. tonight i was scrolling on my fandom tumblr, trying to find a gif to show my brother and sister in law, and i passed a jagger excerpt. one thing led to another, and i ended up reading the chapter after draco came back. (ch 30 i think?)

i know that some people were truly outraged on my choice to have draco murdered. a lot of people claimed it was out of character, and there’s a good amount of evidence for that, sure, but i think there’s a fair amount of evidence to show that it’s just as much in character as well.

originally, draco was supposed to live. originally, drarry was going to be end game. originally, abraxas was never supposed to come back to 1998, but sometimes you write the narrative and sometimes it writes itself. jagged was the story that taught me that maybe i’m not an outline type of author, because the final product deviated from the original idea so much that it was more frustrating than helpful.

admittedly, very much of the writing in jagged was therapeutic for me. a lot of hermione’s inner dialogue, self hatred, and “selflessness” are things i either see in myself or wish i could be. she’s far from a perfect character, but she’s powerful, level headed and smart. she doesn’t have many weaknesses revealed, not even when we spend half the story in her point of view. tom makes note of that several times when we get to his pov— that he has hermione on this pedestal, that she seems like some sort of impenetrable force.

but at the end of the day— hermione has dealt with extremely traumatizing situations that she had spent the better part of a year repressing. not only that, she was thrown back into 1998 quite suddenly, and even though we don’t see it in tom’s pov, it’s not hard to imagine how triggering that must be. hermione can put on a mask of indifference but at the end of the day that’s all it is— a mask.

i knew very early on that i was choosing the route of a dark order. the order has always been dark (its war, there’s really no moral high ground, despite what harry was brainwashed into thinking).

i felt very particular about how i wanted to pull this off. i didn’t want it to seem sudden or out of the blue. i also didn’t necessarily want “dark” to mean evil, because i feel like in jagged each and every character can be made out to be evil if you break down their actions in different lights. (this is a completely different essay)

draco’s betrayal was always a very dark spot for hermione. it brought on torture that she wore as proof of his disloyalty in her skin everyday. regardless of his actions or his orders, she thought this for years. she built resentment on it. is it logical for this resentment to play a part in her decision once she knows the truth? absolutely not. but that’s the thing, the moment draco steps into grimmauld place, logic has taken a backseat in hermione’s brain. she’s riding purely on emotions. she knows this, and yes, she has the wherewithal to recollect herself if she wanted to. but she doesn’t. it’s like she told remus. draco is her line.

second, hermione would have never, ever watched draco be tortured. damn the plan, damn the betrayal. she would have died to stop it. she would have gotten them both killed, probably. the point is, she couldn’t have lived with herself if she stood for hours and watched it happen. and with that knowledge, and knowing the pain she suffered through and that draco was able to stomach watching it the entire time… well, it was enough for her to not want him around anymore.

also, this was a last stitch effort for remus to prove his loyalty to her. i didn’t realize it at the time, but hermione and remus’s relationship mirrors jude’s and her step father’s from the cruel prince quite a bit. if you haven’t read it, (what are you waiting for?) the main thing you need to know is that they have an endlessly complicated, painful relationship wherein the love they have for each other is not stronger than their need to fight for what they believe is the greater good.

hermione viewed remus like a father, but that wasn’t a one sided relationship. remus loved hermione endlessly like he would his own child.

yet he still took a “calculated” risk. she was tortured and almost killed because of a decision he made. a decision he never planned on telling her about.

remus says he would do it again. and hermione knows it’s the truth, and in some ways she respects him for it. she’ll always be a soldier at heart. but it also solidifies his spot in her life as someone that will never, ever be family to her again. because hermione wouldn’t risk remus’s life for anything.

so she uses draco as leverage. remus sees draco as mostly innocent. his life lies in remus’s hands. he has to choose. hermione’s side, or draco’s life. it’s vindictive, yes, but hermione has just spent the past 4 years using manipulation to get what she wants. as a reader, it’s not a side of her we get to see a lot (aside from when she’s torturing michael, which admittedly, was meant to be foreshadow to this exact moment)

as an author i could have done a better job throwing in more unpredictable or emotional behavior on her part. but at the time, i really wanted this to be a turning point, not just for the order, but for hermione herself. this is kind of her first selfish decision in a long time. the first time she chooses something simply because it’s what she wants. as readers you may say, “her selfish act was to take a life?!” and to that i say, yes. yes it was.

i wanted hermione to be irrational just because. i wanted her to take her power and abuse it a little. we read stories about strong female characters with endless powers who fight and win big wars just to settle at the end in the name of morality or being the better person.

i didn’t want hermione to settle. i wanted hermione angry because she deserved to be.

of course there are arguments against why she didn’t, and of course logicially killing draco wasn’t the decision that made sense. but that’s the thing, hermione is a flawed character. she doesn’t (and won’t) make all her decisions based on logic.

women deserve to be angry. women don’t need to forgive.

jagged hermione doesn’t need to explain why she wanted draco dead, but as an author, i wanted to.

#dramione #tomione #jagged #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter

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loredwy · 11 months

Text

Good evening

Im here to show you all how normal I can be about comics I read (not normal)

Today, I will talk about Im the Grim Reaper, comic made by @/Graveweaver! (here in tumblr)

And this essay will contain reasons why you should vote for Scarlet, Chase and Brook in the @friends-to-lovers-tournament. So even if you dont read all this text because its way too long, please DO IT. FOR ME.

Disclaimer: The following paper will be based in my headcanon of the three of them being a little polycule. Therefore, although it will describe actual content from the comics, they will be as unreliable as I can be <3

Disclairmer 2: This will contain SPOILERS, and even though I will be mentioning which chapters the spoilers are from when I show screencaps, I recommend stopping to read the comic if you think it sounds interesting, for you to not get spoiled too much.

NOW LETS START

So to put you all in context (tbh you can skip this all because I wrote a bit too much), the story goes about what Satan calls Grim Reapers, which are human souls he chose to work for him, sending sinners to hell by killing them. Reapers, however, are not regular humans, as their bodies are 'meat puppets' Satan made to put their souls into, along with demons that give them their reaper powers.

Our protagonist, Scarlet, reacted to being told she was sent to hell as anyone would: 'WHAT DID I DO', accompanied by multiple other questions like why she couldnt remember her past. Because of this, her past becomes a goal to achieve, wanting to discover what she could have done and why.

In the process, she encounters a detective (?) who, recognizing her appearance because of Scarlet's corpse, started suspecting she might be related to the mistery of her death. Which was true, although he didnt expect in which way tbh. -> they teamed up, decided to fuck around and find out

Then later on, investigating some of Scarlets memories, they ended up encountering the city's mafia. Which, funnily enough, had a reaper with them. Why? Because the reaper was way too entertained posting stuff in their blog he didnt want to go find sinners (canon).

Now, were reapers ever against each other? Not really? They have the same boss. So Chase, as the tumblr sexyman he is (<- questionable), convinced Brook of joining them and kill sinners who actually had done bad crimes.

Are you still there? I know I might be boring yall by just telling you the context, but I swear its important to understand (?)

But my point with this post is show you how over time, they start showing how much they care of each other on their own ways, Chase x Scarlet having the advantage because of them becoming closer before Brook joins. Having a confession (?) and everything. But even then they didnt dump Brook at all 🤩

[Spoilers of episodes 47 and 55-57]

Up to this point, not only do the three of them live under the same roof (because Brook and Scarlet were homeless), but bond over their shared circumstance of being partners in crime (literally).

And because there are lots of fights in the comic (?) we can also see the extent at which they would go for each other. Including, but not limited to, sacrificing themselves (because comic readers are destined to suffer) 🥳.

But how much did they sacrifice themselves may you be asking? Well, if Im remembering correctly... Scarlet might have died about 3 times? I might be confusing some with the times she just got brutally hurt or severely traumatized, but lets say its around that number: just to save Chase and Brook <3 (different occasions). She even LET GO of her PAST to save them, which she wanted to know so bad before, to know herself better. She's honestly both impressive and scary by how much she could do for those she cares lol. In Brook's case, he almost gets doomed for eternity to save Scarlet, and im pretty sure he didnt escape fully from that (but hey, Scarlet is fine <3). And Chase... 👁👁 situations happened. Lets be honest tho, Chase was an emo child, like, what he did had to be dramatic as fuck 💔, otherwise it wouldnt have felt like a Chase thing. He was a theater kid, im sure. He is a Batman kinnie. That should tell you enough.

BUT EVEN AFTER ALL THEY'VE GONE THROUGH. EVEN AFTER EACH OF THEM SCREWING UP AT LEAST ONCE. EACH TIME, THEY DO FORGIVE EACH OTHER.

And hear me out, because im not crazy. THIS PEOPLE. They, who live thanks to drama and edgyness. Are you telling me it wouldnt be fucking easy for them to just explode out of anger and break up, and like, get to be enemies or something.

NOT. EVEN. ONCE. HAVE THEY ABANDONED EACH OTHER.

JUST

LOOK

[Spoilers of episode 70, 80 and 110]

Anyways :3

Even if they dont win is ok, but if you got to this point read the webtoon its really good 👍

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

(vote for Scarlet, Chase and Brook....)

#webtoon recommendation #webcomic #screencaps #i'm the grim reaper #itgr #itgr scarlet #itgr chase #itgr brook

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 3 months

Text

After death | Lost Gods

He looks at the skyline ahead of him, its famous shapes that tourists gape at like they’re observing a gorilla in an enclosure. It’s all grey to him, not just because of the looming storm but because the grids of buildings and lights have become boring in a way that seems fatal—this city is a dead thing on earth, he doesn’t care what anyone says. It’s all post-mortem—the blinking traffic lights, shafts of sunlight interrupted by high-rises, yellow taxis honking, honking, honking, like they’re shouting a prayer. He feels sort of like that too, caught in kitschy after death.

A little Harrison art <3 !! And an excerpt from the opening of Lost Gods!

4 years ago today I finished writing his very first solo novel, Moth Work, & I’m kind of in awe of how far we’ve come in that short time… 4 novels & 2 novellas narrated by this man who’s a little embarrassing and a whole lot profound (but you didn’t hear that from me!). A few more thoughts under the cut, but here’s a little note I made myself in 2020, the only note I’ve ever made after finishing a book (possibly because finishing this one changed my life a little).

TW for mentions of: mental illness, trauma in the mental health system, internalized homophobia

Technically I finished Moth Work at 2:34AM because I lived on the west coast at the time lol.

I don’t usually celebrate or remember the anniversaries of finishing books. But I wanted to celebrate this one because a) it’s Leap Day & I haven’t been able to commemorate what I was doing during the last one for 4 years, & b) because finishing MW was such a significant accomplishment!

I started MW in January of 2019 because I was struggling emotionally. At the time, I was racing to figure out “what was wrong with me” before flying across the country for uni in the summer (SPOILER I WAS JUST AUTISTIC LMAO), which led to a lot of stressful and traumatizing appointments with doctors. I desperately needed a book to cheer me up but a different one from my WIP at the time, especially because in 2018, I’d both discovered my voice and become really afraid of messing it up!

I also was taking a religion class at the time that was emotionally difficult for me because I felt reallyyyy alone and especially isolated in my queerness that I’d been hiding for a couple years at that point (& that I literally would not talk about at all, not even to people I trusted). When it became very clear I needed an outlet to explore my feelings (of being “unhelpable,” internalized homophobia, a general sense of aloneness/isolation) the decision of what I was going to write became pretty clear.

I’d written 3 stories in Harrison’s POV that predated MW starting in late 2018 (they were also my first explorations in third person present tense, which fun fact, I only tried in his POV because I’ve always written my notes ideas in that POV/tense combo, even when I only wrote first person!). I hadn’t written in a different POV character’s head beside’s Reeve’s since 2016, so it felt natural that the second character I felt closest to (Harrison!!!) could be a narrator. Funnily at this time Lonan was my favourite so I’m actually surprised I did not choose him but can we imagine how different things would be if I had???

I started Moth Work in my notes app (ICONIC) on January 16th 2019 at 11:37pm! The first chapter came pretty quickly, is actually quite non-linear for a bit, and was overall a lot of fun to write. I’d planned for the project to maybe be a short story or at the most a novella (does this sound familiar), nothing very long and definitely not a novel. I believe the goal word count was 5k which is so funny bc that’s exactly how Changing States & Lost Gods started!!!

And then the project stagnated, it wasn’t something I’d planned to write seriously, and I didn’t pick it back up until August of that year when my therapist at the time suggested I try to complete a “reach goal” as I was reaching Crisis and I guess I was so done with everything going on in my life that I was like okay fine!!!! I will write Moth Work as a novel!!!!

This book literally flew with me across the country… I wrote a lot of it late at night in my dorm with all the lights off after a long day on campus. I wrote a lot of it in my intro to sociology lecture LMAO. I wrote a lot of it on my phone. It was the first project (no literally) where I intentionally explored queerness, especially my own feelings as a (sort of?) catholic at the time. I explored atheism a lot! Something I needed to process my own feelings about faith & God. I explored what it’s like to be this completely unhelpable person because you’ve decided there’s no possible way to help yourself anymore (hiiii Lonan). I also explored (a bit like a premonition), what it’s like to care deeply for someone you can’t help (but that you very badly want to help).

And I almost didn’t finish the book! The imposter syndrome and insecurity went crazyyy when writing Moth Work. I didn’t feel like I was writing the First Person Retrospective Flowery Literary Fiction I’d deemed as the only possible “good writing.” (Still LOVE but I really was struggling seeing a very minor style shift, which is funnily much closer to my writing now than when I was writing the “best” way.) I deleted so much from this book. I couldn’t look at it. I was so embarrassed by it!! I made ultimatums with it!! I edited it so much but still couldn’t stand it! It was literally the safest space I had and I could barely be there a lot of the time!!!

SOOOO this is why I’m very proud of me for finishing it lol & while I would typically have celebrated the anniversary idk, in 2021, bc it didn’t exist until this year it felt apt to sit with those feelings now. I’m really proud of 17-year-old Rachel who was undiagnosed autistic & convinced I was a lost cause, who was sooo afraid of being queer I could only think of that through Lonan (& sometimes still do thx king 🫡) who literallyyyyy wrote a masterpiece in my collection that contains some of my best work (even if I only realized that 4 years later) & that’s been the start of EVERYTHING!

This is so much more than a book or an anniversary!! Somehow I made it through all the things I didn’t think were possible and now have written 2 books & 3 (writing the fourth) novellas allllll in this world. AND 2 additional novels in his POV!! Also thank you baby Rachel for Jeremiah. Like hello!!!! This is the only place I felt safe to be myself when I couldn’t be with anyone else! And there’s something priceless about that…

And it’s all bc of Harrison!!! Whoever I saw in that man in 2019… girl thank you!! Can’t explain what it’s like to grow with that character (who is sooo much more than that to me). Never would I have predicted where I am now. And IMO, that’s all thanks to him so ily fictional man in my head, this is soooo his day LOL.

& if you were here since the first MW update & made it this far… I MUST KNOW!!!!

#art #GETTING GUSHY UNDER THE CUT I COULDN’T HELP IT #tl;dr ily harrison #also everyone weigh in - what’s he listening to?????#IM THINKING OF READING SOME OF MW FROM THE PRINTED COPY #AT THE STREAM TOMORROW!!! SO COME!!!!#CELEBRATE THE DAY!!! YAYY!!!

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tameila · 6 months

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Hi! I absolutly loved The Sun Always Rises! It's one of my favorite fanfics, and since you incorporate a lot of the Campaign 1 into the lore, I was wondering what the TSAR' Verse verion of Pike's resurrection would be?

Thank you so much!

To tackle this idea, I think it's best to break down what Pike's resurrection was and, more importantly, how it informed her character and actions going forward.

Let's start with the death -- It was the kind of death that was uniquely traumatic and gruesome for all parties, herself and her friends who watched it happened. Like, having to watch someone you love die changes you regardless of whether it was bloodless or not but, when that death is from them being cut in half...That's just a different level, y'know.

Add on a layer of helplessness and desperation to the party, because none of them were capable of revivifying Pike on her their own; they needed outside help.

Then, you have the ritual -- two of its components coming from Scanlan himself, the doll and a kiss upon her brow.

In a superficial sense, the trauma of her death and resurrection is what changed the color of her hair.

On a deeper level, this event pushed Pike to leave the party, join a sailing crew, and come back stronger -- strong enough to pick up heavy armor.

Meanwhile, within the party, I've always seen Scanlan's protectiveness throughout the campaign as a direct result of Pike's death and resurrection as well. Like, to the point that he's consistently uncomfortable and insistent that she dress up when it's stated in a scene that she took off her armor. Which can be read as him not liking her "flaunting", so to be speak (and this thought is echoed by the party at least once with them telling Scanlan/Sam that Pike would still be wearing her padding not be just naked without her armor), sure, but his energy always read far more neurotic to me. y'know, like, he worried about her being unprotected and vulnerable.

Now, let's put all these thoughts into TSAR 'verse...

My first instinct is to say it's already there! You watch Pike's death and resurrection in real time in TSAR. that's the whole story. You watch her hit rock bottom, a major depressive episode and ego death. Her friends are helpless to stop it. In the aftermath, she takes temporary leave from her position as Head Cleric at the temple and even isolates from her family and friends so she can meditate on what it all means (though this time frame is only briefly summarize in chapter 14 and not fully explored in prose). On Scanlan's side, you see him grow a new awareness of Pike and what she needs from him, and you watch him go through stages with it. Her "resurrection" is greatly aided by Scanlan's presence. In the end, she comes back stronger and surer.

My second instinct is to say it's already there...in bits n pieces! The mentions of Pike's gap year after high school. Wilhand's accident, Pike's desperation at the time, and how she had to shift her whole world view in the aftermath.

My third instinct, of course, is to acknowledge that neither of those are the answer that you came to hear lol! So, to really answer your question, if I were to explore the full weight of Pike's resurrection in TSAR 'verse, I would explore it as divergent AU of TSAR 'verse canon.

The divergence would be that it's Pike that suffers a traumatic accident instead of Wilhand.

and here's a collection of thoughts:

In this divergence, Pike's gap year would instead be interpreted as her deciding to fully complete her undergraduate abroad in some vaguely European country. She chose the university because the connected city has one of the oldest temples to Sarenrae.

The twins and Percy would also be at this university. Keyleth would still be back in Westruun, Grog still an up-and-coming MMA fighter, and Scanlan still his popstar self.

The accident would happen during the winter break of her final year. Keyleth and Grog have come to visit. Both of them had been saying and promising that they would since Pike started at this university so, since it's her final year, it's now or never! Pike's supposed to fly back to Westruun with them for Winter's Crest at the end of their trip. Pike introduces them to the twins and Percy. They spend a week European trottin'.

A surprise comes in the form of Scanlan, fresh off his final show of the year, joining them for the last few days. This is Pike and Scanlan's second first meeting, aka the first time they've seen in each other in person since Scanlan's career took off and since Pike's been in her transformative abroad era. (In actual TSAR 'verse canon, this second first meeting was a Grog's first big title match., which was the first time they'd seen each other since Scanlan's career took off and since Pike's gap year. It's one of those moments that's so cemented in the canon for me, but I can't remember if I've ever put out a piece that conveyed that to the readers lol)

It would be during one of those final days of the trip that The Accident™️ happened. I think, in the same way that I never specify what happened to Wilhand, I would never specifically state what happened to Pike. In her POV, it would always just be The Accident, and the others would never want to talk about it in detail either. However, it would be clear that it was nearly fatal, that she was legally dead for a brief time, and it changed everything.

She would remember Scanlan at her bedside and the warm press of lips against her forehead as her first clear memories of "coming back to life".

In the aftermath, she would take leave from school and drop contact with everyone for a time. Eventually, she would quietly return to Westruun and finish her final credits at the university there.

Quietly, the others would bleed back into her life too.

Instead of focusing on her a few years into her time as Head Cleric, the timeline of TSAR would then be about her in the first few months of that promotion instead.

Scanlan coming to town and the gang being all together again during this very momentous time in Pike's life is what brings up all the old feelings connected to The Accident.

Other domino pieces from this AU would include Scanlan's drug spiral, which was already about trauma from his mother's death and how he never fully coped with that, also having traces of trauma from Pike's accident mixed into it. Adding another layer to the situationship that him and Pike had going on during that time and the letter that Pike would write to him. Also, in TSAR 'verse, Scanlan's reasoning for coming to Westruun is an inherently selfish one. I think in this divergence his reasons for coming would be a bit more mindful and specifically for the need to support Pike.

and my mind is zipping all around and I could go on about all the little changes, but I have been writing along for, like, two hours now and my room has gotten dark around me 😂

Thanks again for your kind words, and I hope that this lil divergent AU satisfies those Pike resurrection angst needs! ☀️💜💛

#ask #anon #Pikelan #pike trickfoot #scanlan shorthalt #The Sun Always Rises

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fatherramiro · 13 days

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well I see someone's already asked about the fantasy novel so tell me about a different path!

a different path my beloved <333 this is (unsurprisingly) a ramiroángel fic in which ángel decides he's not going to let ramiro just run headfirst into trouble when he goes to warn eyk about the mutiny and follows him, therefore including him in the main plot faster. it is 95% a gift for a very dear friend of mine and 5% a chance for me to continuously put ramiro and ángel into various melodramatic scenes of peril. i love it so.

chapter 3 is probably going to end up being my least favorite chapter to write overall, because it deals with the calling and ive been struggling with how to get a very specific beat i want in that section to happen. the ending is going to be a delight to write, because it'll involve a concept im REALLY excited about writing in terms of identity and reality with a side character, but the getting there. woof. i do not like this one bit. in general, chapters 2 and 3 are very much "moving the pieces into position" chapters and general retellings of episodes, which isn't usually my cup of tea unless im doing a close analysis of a character in a given episode?

but overall im really loving the chance to have fun with a wider ensemble of characters, and im proud of how ive written ángel across the fic especially. he's a character i really struggle with writing overall because he's a raging douchebag who needs to work a retail or food service job for a year or two to learn some humility and be worthy of his boyfriend and he's also traumatized and looking for understanding in a very specific way that's a product of the environment he was raised in, so im constantly trying to walk that line without making him ooc or making him seem completely unredeemable. writing this fic mostly from his point of view makes that somewhat easier because i can play with his internal monologue and his more vulnerable side while still having him behave like a jerk externally.

its also always fun to write him and eyk absolutely hating each other. literally my favorite thing. two men who would rather die than say anything nice about the other. they're going to have to work together more in a later chapter and im so excited about that.

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misarem · 22 days

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Umineko Episode 4 Thoughts or The Rise of a New Supreme (VN Protagonist)

i was fully gonna make this abt battler before i started as if he was challenging my big 3 vn guys or smth. And hes absolutely delightful and by the end of the game I'm sure he will grow to be one of my fav protagonists. But right now its no one else but Ange's time.

Overall this episode had some of the highest highs I have experienced so far, but also some, I don't wanna say lows, but very excruciating, tedious moments. True visual novel gamefeel friction. I almost feel like I'm back to watching a certain titular vn girl drone on about peeling skin and donating grievous amounts of blood to the masses but I'll get to that.

Ange as a character really surprised me. After 3 episodes of the same 20 people I was of course excited to get one fresh face (not to say the others are dull at all because we are literally, constantly seeing new facets of them, but like you get me right) but I did not think she would hit the emotional chords that she did. Her first scenes are great, something about the imagery of her being chased onto the roof of a building and diving into the brightly lit city below is weirdly powerful and evocative of, almost like a sense of desperation and disregard for her own life and the lives of others she deems unworthy that informs her whole character, and it contrasts the past three chapters of people clinging to life and trust in an old Western setting starkly. Admittedly I almost was scared she'd be a bit tropey with her being like a stoic young woman from the future trying to change what traumatized her, although it works at the very beginning as a palette cleanser after Battler's unreal level of sincerity. Hell she's a great foil to him even going beyond their obviously contrasting personalities. "Flipping the chessboard" as a means of understanding the mystery is hugely present from the first episode of the story, and it's so ingrained within Battler's character that besides defining his empathetic approach to situations that begins naive but is quickly maturing, it's almost like his second catchphrase after zenzen dameda. But this is something Ange had to learn for herself after enduring years of emotional abuse, and the way this value is imparted to them in different ways says a lot about positioning in regards to traumatic events in people's lives, with Battler picking it up easily having not been around the Ushiromiyas for all of his adolescence and Ange being cursed by that same bloodline with no real closure or other means of coping. That this facet of their characters is partially a commentary on trauma, to me, is also backed by the fact that this is a value of Kyrie's, given to Battler directly, which he was fortunate for, and given to Ange indirectly and though very harsh means, because of the impact that the Rokkenjima tragedy and the Sumadera family had on her upbringing, and how they led her to this point. I also think that trauma and how it affected their upbringing also makes their relationship to "magic" contrast, with Ange being a proficient witch/summoner(?) and Battler being said to have a high magic resistance. When I talk about magic later, this will become kind of a circular statement, but just playing with the fiction within the fiction, I think this is an interesting point, especially considering the differing ways they are separated from family.

Speaking of Ange's magical proficiency, I cannot talk about her without mentioning just that: her relationship to Maria and Sakutaro, though Maria's book, as well as Mammon and the other demon sisters. I guess to get even more personal than I did talking abt the family dynamics, I have kind of a weird history with maladaptive daydreaming that blossomed when I was around high school, when I was Ange's age. That I can even use a term like maladaptive daydreaming to talk about this makes me less self-conscious, also considering that around that time was my parents divorcing + coping with emotional and verbal abuse from my mom + dealing with a predator in an online friend group + generally being kind of a loser. I had such vivid relationships with whole groups of people I would fantasize about constantly, mostly fictional characters (from fire emblem and pokemon LOL). This, probably, profoundly impacted how I grew up and, since I hated my home life and had no close irl friends and was so wishy washy with my online group, was really all I felt like I had for emotional support at the time. Genuinely my fantasies ran so deep at times, often supplemented with music and whatever movies I was into at the time, even though, as it was when I was 16, all of it is almost gone from my brain. I can't really daydream the same way I did before because of just becoming an adult, having more obligations and outlets, having a reliable irl friend group and much more solid circle of online friends than I used to, and while I have mixed feelings on it I've overall accepted it as a part of who I was/am as far removed as I am from those tendencies now. And I really get the same feeling from Ange. Bittersweet is a really common adjective for moments that are outwardly happy but held back by a painful sense of reality. Her means of coping, the different bonds she forms with everyone, and specific moments like her arguing with Maria about her parentage (Maria is supposed to be in her rights but I fw Ange resenting Rosa and cherishing Maria's innocence) or the word game everyone played together, these moments are extremely sweet. Horrifyingly saccharine to the point of making my older palate just feel sick. Like staring into the void and feeling a dull pain as it tries to pull me in and I can't look away. Moments like her being cornered by her bullies or Kasumi and her men are even worse, which is kind of where this chapter's slog begins, not helped that we're frequently being pulled back and forth from Ange's time and Battler's time. It's just a hard read, a good read and a deserved read but a hard one, where Ange's innocence and vulnerability are more raw and harrowing than any sequence of murders (except maybe getting gutted and stuffed with candy idk). Even more harrowing seeing who I once was reflected in her story. And to be honest, as hard as it was, it's absolutely what I needed from a character in this game at this moment. Outside of the varying degrees of subterfuge surrounding the characters in Rokkenjima, everything Ange exists for is laid bare in the most incredible way that even the moments of true emotion during the last few chapters hasn't reached yet, and honestly, that jettisoned her to the spot of my favorite character even after three episodes of Beatrice's incredible dialogue and voice acting, Kanon and Shannon looking out for each other while struggling with their identity and humanity, and Jessica just being fun. Probably open to change later, I think her whole relationship with fantasy IS very important to the status of witches and the mystery of their existence, and I hope it imparts something upon Battler too and that he reaches her level for me, but IDK. I fuck with her heavy after this chapter and I hope to god we see more of her again somehow. Beautiful that her last moment in episode 4 was finally being able to give her life for something she found worthwhile, her family, but I can't help but want more closure for her.

Might be getting ahead of myself posting this early but luckily the positions haven't changed thaaaat much besides Krauss who gets points for finally doing something and fighting hard for his daughter. He might go back down later but lol.

Putting Rosa with the crazy ass witches not literally but I just have this little pet theory. The dead Chiester sister is listed as having lost in a battle with the black witch and I can't help but notice the thing with the sisters listed in the game being a quartet of bunnies, and how Maria has four of those marching band animal bunnies where one of them was broken by Rosa. Its just a minor theory and if its right or wrong idc that much but it just got me thinking about the possible relationship between what's described as "black magic" with abusive tendencies stemming from trauma (Rosa, Eva, possibly Beatrice from being kept by Kinzo) and "white magic" with less destructive tendencies (Maria). I could be wrong but I think I remember something about Beatrice needing Maria and forming their witches alliance because they compliment each other so well, with Maria being creation and Beato being eternity, Maria being "motherly quality" and Beato being "fatherly quality". Hard for me to pull these things back up without digging cuz Google can be a spoiler minefield but when I see them I'll address them again but the dichotomy is making me think theres smth thematically deep there. Also think that Ange is potentially a master of black AND white magic. She might normally be a black witch having been abused by Eva and her peers with not much else to cope, which I feel manifests in some things like her overall disposition and how she treats other Rokkenjima victim families when wringing info out of them, but what makes her different to Eva and Rosa would be that she has Maria not just as a positive presence in her life but as someone she can learn from and depend on, who can directly heal her trauma in some way (IDK if Hideyoshi could have done this with Eva). Granted IDK what THIS specifically says but like I'm letting it cook for now cuz I think its cool regardless. Maybe black + white magic represents understanding of life and ines circumstances which leads to LOVE?!?!?!? (Idk lol) And it's possible too this idea of Maria as a pure witch is over after the scene where she tortures her mom like EvaBeatrice did. But yea I love Ange.

Just to break away from heavy thematic discussion, I thought the Rokkenjima side of the episode was. Interesting. Perfect word for something I don't know how to eloquently talk about. A cool break away from the formula for sure, with the clock not even hitting 12 before most if not all 17 of them were killed. The first twilight, to me, was the peak of this, just such a crazy moment watching everyone's reactions to the absurdity of Kinzo's crazy murder rampage. George and Jessica's fights were also super cool, as well as Krauss and Kanon working really hard, with the groups supporting each other super fiercely even tho it ended in vain. Can't wait to figure out how the hell George and Jessica were supposed to kill each other in reality. When Kinzo wanted to test the grandkids, I had a feeling Maria was actually gonna win him over and its hilarious that did happen. And after how thoroughly Beatrice challenged Battler's sincerity in the last episode, I'm very surprised at how despondent she seemed after giving her test to Battler and watching him fail. I feel like I could guess any number of ways Battler could have 'sinned' in Beatrice's eyes, from maybe hurting Maria or Ange on accident, or denying magic as a kid, to something related to his uncertain parentage, like maybe replacing another Battler Us-style or something like that. None of these concrete but I'm just throwing stuff out.

Overall, the Question Arcs had a lot to say about family and escapism, and seemed to do a great job laying the groundwork for Answer Arcs to just go absolutely insane. Like the last episode's post, I wrote this over a few days and I'm still in the middle of chapter 5 which, I understand will give me a good framework to work out the murders on Rokkenjima, but after that, I'm gonna need to buckle down and reread a lot, from the murders of the four previous episodes, to maybe dipping into the manga somewhat, and even keeping a list of red truths and Knox rules for detective fiction, and after that I'll come with my chapter 5 thoughts and my predictions, because despite kinda throwing myself into this very quickly, I do want to engage with the mystery on some level. I do have a few overarching ideas on what might be happening though.

Since postulating on them a little bit in the previous chapter, I've kinda honed in on Rudolph and Kyrie, especially Kyrie, a lot more. Beyond what I said abt Rudolph's death premonition, their shady business dealings and their competency fighting the demons, they just feel kinda detached in a weird way. We understand Krauss, Eva, and Rosa's role in the family very well from the details we got, but beyond a general 'younger-middle child' idea, we don't have a vivid picture of Rudolph's role and dynamics with his siblings growing up, which, on its own isn't super suspicious but feels weird with how detailed and integrated the other characters are. There's also the way Battler's parentage has been cast into suspicion, or how we don't have much of a perspective on them from Battler not living with them for years. What sets Kyrie apart is how she operated in this episode. Despite Krauss playing the part of the leader of the hostages, a lot of their escape felt like Kyrie subtlety leading them along, and I can't get over the way she just. Died off screen. Over the phone. Without a blood splatter. And a smaller wound than anyone else. After telling Battler how much he should believe in magic. So much suspicion here to the point where it feels like a red herring. But I'm just keeping the option of her being some sort of mastermind pulling the wool over everyone's eyes with mass delusions in my mind. Also think the servants are complicit. Not directly murdering everyone but facilitating the ritual with their cooperation and their lives. ATP it's sorta obvious Genji is connected to Ronove and Kumasawa is connected to Virgilia, and Kanon and Shannon are aware of their own powers, and Shannon reasonably could have masqueraded as Beatrice to act as her at certain points. I just don't have anything solid or any specifics ironed out just yet but over 5 and 6 I'll try to work it out. Other questions I have: I almost forgot about the Battler not being able to claim Asumu as his mother. Guessing that he's Kyrie's kid and maybe that, since Kyrie was said to have a miscarriage, maybe the babies were swapped for the family to save face? Kills me he never tried to confirm being Rudolph's son in red. Also considering how family and trauma is such a huge thing, especially with how Kinzo's kids were raised....... who IS Kinzo's late wife? What kind of woman was she and why do we have no answers. IS it a human version of Beatrice? Is she disgraced from the family or something? Still confused about the real status of who we know as "Beatrice" as a whole, and the captain dude saying he stopped delivering to Kuwadorian around the same time Rosa saw a Beatrice die isn't lost on me. Maybe I'll figure these out as I piece things together.

#if i missed anything (idr if i talked about the sin thing i have to figure it out) im sorry this game is doing insane shit to me #umineko no naku koro ni #umineko when they cry #uwtc #ange ushiromiya

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longeyelashedtragedy · 4 months

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Ask game, you get a ⭐️ but it has to be about Dangerous AU

dangerous AU! here we go--

so this exchange from the most recent chapter:

“I’ve got to tell you, Granit.” Mikel feels a little more courageous with knives nearby. “Some of the things you say sound a little crazy.”

“Hmmm, really? Because you make me feel a bit normal, sweet Mikel.”

this is important! it says a lot about how i write this fic, and also kind of hints at the trajectory of the fic.

i know "show, don't tell" is something we all get taught if we take a writing class, or at least we've heard it said, and i think it's kind of reductive advice (as a lot of writing advice is? there's a lot of different ways to tell a story yknow), at least for a more advanced level of writing. Granit here is kind of idk...telling the exact point of the fic, or at least, the point of his character arc.

(idk if i've mentioned this on here, or just talked about it in private with its biggest fans, but the sort of Thesis of the fic is:

granit might have turned out pretty "normal" with a different life circumstance and his first flashback chapter is meant to indicate that shooting a guy in the head as a teenager was a life altering and traumatizing event for him, that was never handled healthily by anyone around him--instead he was rewarded for it (while ALSO being dehumanized for his tendencies even in his own violent community). in the 2nd flashback which isn't published yet, granit (now about 20 years old) thinks: Sure, money can’t buy love, but Granit knows he’ll never have that anyway, and money can buy all the rest of it. granit will always be...granit, unhinged and sadistic, but mikel's love and devotion and genuine respect for him are going to take the edge off, in a sense.

while mikel's Philosophy is to kill very sparingly, and only for a specific purpose, and the purpose is to help make him feel the power he could never feel as a sick, infantilized, and powerless kid. but, granit's love and devotion and genuine respect for him make him feel this surge of power and control and might just very well wind up the more violent of the two? I've written the last few paragraphs of the fic so i already know but i ain't telling!!!)

"You make me feel a bit normal, sweet Mikel," is sort of the entire point of the fic, then, and it was really cool to disregard any writing advice and just have granit bluntly state that in one of the earlier chapters.

and that's the thing about dangerous AU--idk if it reads differently than my other fics or what, but i call it my "playground," since i never intended to publish such a thing, but some people told me i should and i honestly feel like it has a bit of a cult following 😂 in it i just write however i want--if it's melodramatic or pulpy or choppy or the sex is too rushed or the dialogue is strange or ANYTHING...i'm just writing for fun with no stylistic filter or anything, which also means i can disregard any writing advice whenever i want!

#new-berry #answered #fic saga #long awaited answer #i just...like this AU a lot ok #i spend more time thinking about it than you know (well...mirano knows lol)#dangerous au

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unohanabbygirl · 10 months

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That last chapter of FMN was pretty hard to read. I was hoping you could share your thoughts on Luke’s mindset as to why he reacted the way he did in the face of another possible assault during that scene in the bathroom? You wrote how he was going to “accept what was going to happen with grace” so could you expand on this? To be clear, I am in NO WAY victim blaming him right now. Any response to a traumatic act like SA is valid. I’m just asking for you to tell us your reasoning as to why Luke responded the way he did. Is it that he’s been through this before so many times that he doesn’t have the mental capacity to fight back in whichever way possible?

Your reasoning is very on point, so allow me to delve a bit deeper.

As we know sexual assault is something Luke has been through more than a handful of times at various stages in his life. He’s been forced by strangers in a similar way to what we’ve seen in the latest chapter as well as coerced/pressured into sex acts by people he thought he’d be able to trust.

Its terribly hard to accept for us as the readers, but at this point assault is something Luke excepts. When it happens he’s no longer surprised or even willing to fight back. Partially because fear has the ability to make a person freeze up but also because he sees no reason in fighting when it’s never gotten him out of situations prior.

So when Luke says that he’ll “accept what was going to happen with grace” it’s basically a part of his inner self giving up and accepting that the right to say no isn’t one he’ll ever be afforded. (And deep down, one that he feels he isn’t worthy of) Luke feels that if he goes along with what the bartender was about to do rather than fighting back it would be over quickly. That he won’t be beaten or left bleeding so when he makes it back to the others no one will be able to physically see that he’s been hurt.

As i’ve stated before I take the time to search for stories told by survivors of sexual violence and find that a common mindset among those who’ve been assaulted more than once by different people is that they feel as though they’ve done something to attract their attackers, or even that theres sort of a metaphorical sign on their backs inviting people to take advantage of them and it’s very much how Luke feels himself. That he’s simply a magnet for these sorts of things and fighting back is useless because he’s also the problem, not just the attacker. It’s a mindset developed from a lifetime of low self-esteem and non existent self-worth.

This also ties into his conversation with Joffrey.

Though this secret between the two of them is bound to cause problems, Luke seeing that Joffrey was willing to almost kill a guy for touching him is everything Luke would never have expected someone to do for him. So much so that he almost wants to he angry with Joff for it.

Freaking out whilst cleaning his bloody fist as he tries to come up with a cover story. So fed up with the night as a whole that when Joffrey is screaming out that what happened isn’t okay Luke accidentally alludes to having been r*ped before. Almost as if to say “this guy hurting me doesn’t matter because it’s happened so many times in the past. Now I have to fix this mess.”

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rayshippouuchiha · 1 year

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I've finally hit the point where I have to write the first fic for a fandom. I'm crying. There's nothing on Ao3 and I didn't bother checking FFN since I don't know how they tag CNs. Heroic Death System is so good, though. Maybe that's the problem. Its so good that no one ever wanted to add on. Or CNs just aren't popular. T-T All I wanted to do was read about Shang Ke BSing a reason for the change in behavior. But there's nothing at all. So now I'm going to have to write all the fics for it. I'll start with Arc 2 Redux since that Arc eats at me the most.

BTW, Heroic Death System is a Quick Transmigration story where Shang Ke has to have a Heroic Death as ordered by the System to fix the plotline that went badly thanks to the OG body. (Quick Transmigration refers to the Host being tasked with a mission and once its completed, taken to another world to continue on. Sometimes its to fix the plotholes, sometimes to "keep the plot on track". Usually in the case of the later, the Host accidentally gets the MC or target character to fall in love which derails the plot entirely. Whether or not there's penalties or workarounds depends on the System. Most of the QT novels I've read, in the case of romance, have the partner reincarnating across the worlds as well, so its still one partner. Usually it means there are Past Life Shenanigans in the background.) SK has a great internal thought process, its always funny. In the earlier Arcs he's a bit oblivious but he catches on partway through Arc 2. Also, it's a bit spicy in the later Arcs. SK ends up eagerly welcoming his lover's advances in the later lives even if he has to hold off for a while to stay in character. Each Arc is a great mini-story in its own right, if you like tragedy, with all but 2 Arcs having a repeat where SK can return and live a happy life with his partner. If SK gets a good score on his life, he can earn Rebirth cards that let him live with his lover's different incarnations. Also, there's Past Life Drama that comes up and makes it so there's suddenly Plot! in the later Arcs. It was pretty interesting. Good Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Time Travel (in some characters PoV), MPreg (in some lives), some Torture not explicitly described, Illnesses/Disabilities, Shapeshifters, Beastpeople, Sentinel&Guide, Fantasy, Cultivation, AlphaxAlpha, God AU and Ghost AU are the main things SK lives through. Also, his partner is very ... forceful isn't quite right. He loses SK every life in traumatic circumstances so his subconscious wants him to make the most of every moment, which leads to quick romance and ... OK, honestly, he's kinda yandere in some lives from past life trauma. He's very much the domineering CEO type in this, blended with yandere moments. SK is ok with this since he can get back together with his partner quickly in the new life and because his partner chills out in his redos since he stays with him. I'm trying not to give out spoilers for anyone who wants to read this later. Each Arc, not counting his redos, are about 10 or so chapters each, so they're good for bitesized reading. There's 275 chapters altogether, fully translated on snowycodex . com.

Anyways, I love the redo lives and I just keep imagining how SK explains his differences/BSing a reason for the change from OG body's actions. My Heart Beats For You (CW: brain tumors, heart diseases, car accident, kinda suicidal behavior(which occurs throughout the novel, i.e. the title)) has me in a death grip that randomly visits me a lot so I have high hopes I can write something good for it. I'm planning on having SK be "drunk" and whitewash his past to his lover and his friends. I have so much of the story he'd tell plotted out by now but I'm just going to have to figure out how to space it out and add in interruptions from the other characters.

(*/▽＼*) I want to share it with you if I can finish it. I'm a huge fan. I'd love to see what you think.

Fuck yes babe this sounds fantastic. Link me when you get it done and I'll check it out!

#RayRambles #love when y'all get passionate about stuff like this

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shockersalvage · 1 year

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Danganronpa: Demo Storyline - What If

I really like old concepts, especially in the case of mystery series like Danganronpa. It’s fun to see what could have been if a character was portrayed a certain way or if a plot point was handled differently. It’s fun to speculate! For this post, I’m taking a look at DR1′s old demo and essentially writing how I think Danganronpa would go if the story went with what it depicted there.

Basically, as shown above, Hagakure was killed instead of Maizono in a bare bones version of DR1′s first trial. In addition, Yamada was implied to be his killer and, in the demo manga, we even get to see Yamada’s unused execution...well, get used!

This also mean Sayaka, Mukuro and Leon get their time in the sun! So this storyline idea is just an expansion on this Demo’s premise. I hope you guys enjoy and I welcome any questions on it!~

CHAPTER ONE:

In this, Makoto finds not only Hagakure dead in his shower, but also Maizono knocked out cold. So the case goes from ‘proving you didn’t kill a popular girl’ to ‘proving you aren’t some psycho that beat a popular girl and killed a random dude’.

Because of Maizono’s condition, the nurse’s office is opened to treat her and Mukuro is essentially volunteered to keep watch over her by one of the colder students, maybe Celeste or Togami. Thereby ruining the plan for Mukuro to step on Monokuma and get executed.

Now, Sayaka does wake up and about halfway through the Trial returns…however, she insists that Makoto was the one to actually kill Hagakure. Thus, elading to a case where Makoto is desperately trying to find the truth while avoiding his classmates judgement of ‘attacking a girl and killing an innocent soul’.

In this version, the plan Maizono had was to kill Hagakure who still didn’t believe that a killing game was happening and take advantage of that ignorance. However, despite her initial attack, like in the 1st storyline, Hagakure manages to get a legup and, unlike Leon, manages to knock her out.

Now, this revelation causes Sayaka’s trust to plummet in the group and she has a bit of a breakdown. Trying to convince everyone she’s just Japan’s average Superstar, not an attempted murderer. It takes Kyoko and Makoto intervening from getting the group to mis-lynch her.

It’s then that the case eventually goes down the path of revealing who actually killed Hagakure: Yamada. In this version, he was out at night trying to dump away trash when he noticed the door to Makoto’s room open. There he found Hagakure standing over a prone Sayaka’s body, knife in hand and, realizing the game was legit, wondering what he should do.

Enraged, Yamada startles Hagakure enough that he drops the knife and flees into Makoto’s bathroom. There the case plays out in the demo with Yamada using his toolkit to break in and kill Hagakure, and gets found out because of his oily fingers staining the lint roller used to clean up his hair.

Yamada’s motivation to kill now leans towards him genuinely wanting to make sure his big sister is safe, playing into more of a Teruteru motivation.

Yamada is executed, but compared to the mainline story, tension is centered towards Sayaka for essentially getting two of them killed, with calls to lock her up. Makoto advocates to just drop it…but its clear he’s affected by this betrayal and his faith in her has taken a hit.

Sayaka in general is heavily traumatized by the execution and the realization she condemned someone to die. She’s back to essentially herself once she got the first motive.

CHAPTER 2:

With Hagakure and Yamada dead, Celeste loses both her scapegoat and accomplice. Meaning, she ends up trying to subjugate the second most malleable person she hopes to get, essentially the meek Fujisaki.

Speaking of which, because Leon survived in this version, he imprints on another ‘brother’ so to speak. He now looks up to Leon due to his confidence, and when in time for the second motive…that night he confides in Leon.

Now considering Leon can accept a yandere cousin in Kanon, while surprised, he does accept Fujisaki and promises to help him accept himself when the motive does arrive…

However, this does leave an issue concerning Mondo. His story continues the same and he bonds with Ishimaru, but there’s still that complex concerning Daiya’s death.

He does wonder about at night, stewing in anger when he reaches Togami in the library.

Because Togami is a dick, and out of fear for his secret to be revealed, he attempts to kill Togami. However, in this version, Toko is also in the library, hiding as she admires Togami.

Surprisingly, Togami can evade Mondo for a bit and even him injure somewhat by getting him to ram into a bookshelf, causing it to fall on him. Mondo’s hurt, but when he gets out he’s still seeing red.

The dust from the attack gets Toko to sneeze and turn into Genocider Syo. While Syo doesn’t usually kill boys like Mondo considering the danger Togami was in, she fatally wounds him.

Now, given that Syo is now our Blackened and is aware she killed someone, she refuses to allow Togami to go about framing her (since it would damage her reputation).

Togami forcibly switches her by throwing dust at her face and manipulates Toko that despite being the Culprit she can both win the Class Trial AND somehow get Togami out as well.

Together, both tamper with the scene to make it seem like Sayaka killed Mondo or that Chihiro had a plan in killing him, via a note Fujisaki had written to get Leon to the boy’s changing room…and what Leon casually tossed away in the nearby trash that Togami happened to find.

Now during this chapter most do not trust Sayaka given what happened in Chapter 1, so when she gives quite the shocked reaction upon seeing her secret, the others are quick to pressure her into remaining in her room.

Thus, when they find Mondo dead, having been stabbed by likely a knife they grow suspicious over Sayaka, with Makoto and Kyoko being the main ones trying to clear her name. Again.

Likewise, Chihiro is revealed to be a boy, but compared to his peers inspecting his corpse, its shocking, but they do come to accept him and with a bit of vouching from Leon, clears him from suspicion.

Toko is eventually outed by Togami after people began to suspect him, much to her horror. Before she gets executed, Genocider Syo drops a few lines concerning how the class met each other before and how things weren’t what they seem in her own loony fashion.

Togami’s reputation is…well, its pretty much the same post ch2, though I guess somehow its a bit worse? Given his more active role in getting someone killed and manipulating Toko.

CHAPTER 3:

With more of their number dead as a result of meddling from third parties, group cohesion has taken a further hit. However, instead of Hina finding Alter Ego in the locker, Fujisaki is instead confronted by Celeste who wants him to only tell a select group of people he knows he can fully trust/be useful (screened by Celeste of course). In short only Chihiro, Celeste, Leon, Makoto know about the laptop at first.

Of course their new little group does form a wedge between those that remain. Group Two (Kyoko, Junkuro, Sakura and Hina), with the outcasts being there own little third parties. Kyoko, being Kyoko, knows something is up and wants to speak with Makoto, but Celeste or Leon usually manage to get the lucky student away from the amnesiac.

Ishimaru is eventually recruited by Fujisaki after seeing just how depressed he was following Mondo’s death. However, once he becomes Kiyondo, Celeste manipulates him into being essentially a guard dog for Ego to allow the others more time for themselves.

Things come to a head when Group 2, with Togami, confront the Laptop Team during a meeting wrap-up, wanting to know what they were all planning with a laptop of all things. Things get heated and just when it seems a fight is about to break out, Makoto is more than ready to come clean and inform his classmates about Ego…but that is interrupted by an announcement for Monokuma about the current motive.

Yamada and Hagakure might be dead, but Celeste’s love of money still persists and she got a plan going on to get that dough. Manipulating Kiyondo, she tries to get him to believe that in order for them, plus Alter Ego, to be safe he needs to help Celeste win at the class trial.

First things first…hamper her enemies. Luring Makoto to the game room at night, she has Kiyondo smack from him behind with a small hammer. She is quite aware of Makoto helping lead the class trials to getting Yamada and Syo found out, so getting him out of the picture was a must.

However, Kiyondo becomes reluctant to finish him off and that’s when Chihiro comes in by chance. Upon seeing the scene, he begs for both to stop. That they don’t have to hurt each other and they can escape with his work. All of them.

Kiyondo falters and even Celeste looks a bit taken aback given the situation. However, she can’t quite accept things as it were. She has a dream that she wants fulfilled and is willing to go the lengths to see it made and tries to attack Chihiro…

But Ishimaru takes it instead, apologizing to Chihiro and Makoto as he collapses. As Makoto blacks out he witness Celeste walk up to Chihiro…and hears a familiar voice of one he struggled to call a friend anymore.

When he wakes up he’s in the infirmary, alongside Chihiro and Ishimaru. The latter isn’t dead and is back to normal, though bandages are on his head from his injury. Chihiro’s, however, is more severe and he’s in a coma.

Of course, that leaves to wondering about what happened to Celeste, which the others decide its best to just show him. In the art room, Celeste’s body is discovered. Dead via neck being broken.

So the trial becomes about what happened following Makoto passing out. In turn, the assault of the boys was discovered by none other than the outcast Sayaka, who attacked Celeste herself and got her to at least go on the run.

Not wanting to leave the other by themselves for too long, Sayaka gets assistance from the others to get the injured to safety, staying with them as a manhunt goes around looking for the rogue gambler. Which leads to the situation, where Celeste was found murdered.

Ultimately, the blame for the murder would go to Aoi Asahina. However, she was not lured by money like most would assume. Rather, she ended up giving in to one of her flaws - her emotional rage. She hates being in a game where she has to distrust others, be with people that doesn’t hold others best interests in heart and seeing how callous people can be.

Thus, when she finally sees Celeste in the art room, trying to salvage the situation and act like her ‘prim’ self, she gets angrier and angrier. Ultimately, in tears, she’s brought over the edge when Celeste snaps at her even daring to feel betrayed yet again and calling her foolish…so she shoves the goth. Unfortunately, Celeste trips on her own fallen hammer and breaks her neck.

Asahina is discovered following people beginning to suspect Sakura was the one, and Hina is outed simply because, in her own passion, accidentally discloses a detail of how Celeste died (via tripping).

During the aftermath, Hina breaks down from the guilt of her own sins, apologizing profusely for putting the others through this and is terrified of getting executed. However, she goes quietly when she sees Sakura is about to get hurt from her decision. She tanks Sakura for being such a wonderful friend and encourages her to survive, leaving the Ogress in tears as she’s executed.

The aftermath of the trial has Makoto and Sayaka start to mend their friendship, with the offer of trust being extended to her.

CHAPTER 4-6:

Mashing these together since the fifth and sixth chapters aren’t as long.

Learning from their mistakes, the remnants of Celeste’s group welcome the others in to the hiding spot of Alter Ego. Now, Makoto has witnessed Sakura’s fighting Monokuma and is concerning her status, but given the situation knows there’s not much he can say without coming across as just acting like Celeste/Togami. Kyoko picks up on this, though his hesitance to say things just yet leads to the whole ‘Kyoko being mad’ at Makoto spiel.

The motive for this chapter is altered slightly given Mukuro is still alive and kicking. Now, here, Monokuma reveals that not only is Sakura a traitor, but she is one of two amongst them. If someone were to kill Sakura then not only would they recieve no penalty (meaning no class trial), but they would get a huge hint on who the second traitor for the Mastermind was.

Sakura’s betrayal again shakes the class, but given who survives the reaction steadily becomes different. Makoto, Sayaka and Ishimaru want to give her a chance considering their experiences with betrayal/betraying themselves. Mukuro and Leon are on the fence on the matter considering the same experiences, which isn’t helped by Togami publicly considering her a threat. As for Kyoko, she’s about the same as ever.

It’s around this time, that Chihiro wakes up. With knowledge of the data processing room, he wants to use Alter Ego to hack into their in order to get more information about the Mastermind, HPA and potentially disable the system long enough for the group to make a play. Though he needs some form of distraction.

Given Hina’s desire for Sakura to live and fight on, the martial artist opts not to consider choosing suicide. Instead, with help from the few willing to give her a chance, she arranges for a private meeting with Leon and Mukuro in the music room. On the surface.

In truth, Sakura and both of them were in on a plan to give Chihiro that chance, with all three havin a scuffle in the music room. As a result, for a moment of time, Chihiro seems to have done it as the school begins to shutdown thanks to his machinations.

However, because of Mukuro being Junko’s other spy, she informs her of this action, thus allowing her to pre-prep some defense measures to help stop Chihiro.

In the end, the school experiences a series of blackout for a deal of time, with people like Kyoko trying to make use of it to get into the Headmaster’s office, in which she succeeds.

However, when things finally settle and lights come on for good. They see, Togami lying in the music room. His head crushed by a light fixture dropping on his head.

In the trial, its discovered that Togami accidentally got himself trying to turn the chaos of the music room into a trap to kill one of the others. At least that’s how I would think it would go down. Like before the others arrive he tries setting up some sort of trip that could get someone killed, but the blackouts gets him knocked about accidentally in the chaos and himself killed by his own trap.

Honestly, I just think it’d be fitting for Togami to somehow get himself killed after all this time. Though, likewise, this and the case after this ideas are waaaay rougher. Don’t quite have a super grasp on the details of how they would ever come about

However, while Togami might haven taken himself out, Monokuma is more than aware of Chihiro’s meddling and due to his rule breaking has him executed.

However, before he is killed, Chihiro gives everyone a great deal of Hope, proud that they were all capable of working together to get as far as they could. He encourages them to keep it up!~

As a result, following his demise, everyone becomes unified—all taking up a united stance against the Mastermind…Mukuro being sort of the exception.

By now, the mystery surrounding the sixteenth student is afoot and there’s the whole issue concerning Monokuma being inactive, which the Havoc cast believe its a remnant of Chihiro’s work at play.

The person who bites it this chapter is none other than Kyoko Kirigiri - her body found stuffed in the Monokuma Flower.

Now, by now Mukuro Ikusaba’s identity is being thoroughly discussed during the tiral and its because rather clear that her measurements line up quite well with what they know of Junko.

Ultimately, Mukuro’s true identity is revealed and the other classmates are all for voting her off for her duplicity and the hand she held in getting Kyoko killed. This would lead into the good/bad routes. Where Makoto joining in gets Mukuro executed. The good route has him talk them down from jumping the gun.

However, like last time, Mukuro takes on Kyoko’s role in getting him seemingly executed without Makoto’s evidence against it. However, like in canon, Alter Ego saves him.

Sayaka goes does to save Makoto from the trash heap, their bond fully re-established and complete.

Thus, sixth trial of this timeline holds: Makoto, Maizono, Mukuro, Leon, Sakura and Ishimaru as the surviving six. Mukuro takes Toko’s place as being the one to tell the others about the state of the outside world. Junko is the one who kills Kyoko in that weird Despair Luchador persona.

Thus, we’re at the end! Hope you enjoyed reading this! When it came to deciding who lives and dies, while I didn’t intend for the former survivors to be offed one by one, I thought to continue such a path after deciding Toko should murder Mondo.

Speaking of Mondo, and Celeste too, while I did play around with them not comitting murder or even surviving, I think their strong motivations in the official games would just make them act out anyway, even if they weren’t successful here. Especially, concerning Celeste.

Anywho, hope you enjoyed it!~

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ssreeder · 1 year

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i dont feel like discording right now so your getting this here instead.

what the fuck was that

i mean it was amazing in the sense that your an incredible writer and you captured all the traumatic shit perfectly and whatnot but still whatthefuck

you are just trying to completely trying to isolate sokka arent you?

Like its zukos turn to get some type of emotional support (even if it is by iroh 🙄😒) but atleast its there. But Sokka is just pushing everyone away.

i mean i dont blame him for lying, i probably would to in this situation.

and i dont think either of them are in the wrong this chapter, like i think they both have every right to be as angry as they were in this chapter (esp sokka bc katara is acting a tad bit shady)

surprisingly i dont want to strangle iroh this chapter. so that was a weird expierience (actually semi enjoying reading him)

Its like your trying to murder us all but like,, in a very artistic and lovely way.

because liab is horrific (affectionate) and stuff but its also really good and i love it.

i think you should let sokka go batshit and actually attack someone (preferebly iroh) but just my thoughts .

i still dont forgive you for the whole shen situation. i think about that atleast once a day. ive never had a fanfiction haunt me and i didnt even like shen that much but did you care? No you ripped my heart out. (idk what im saying here)

on a different note

you always do such a good job at capturing trauma and the effects of it. also the longevity of it. like as much as i hate reading sokkas slow descent into madness its also very nice and i love it. and as much as i hate seeing zuko tortured over and over and over and over again (leave him alone jfc) its war and its accurate for a prince that got turned over into the wrong hands (of course, who at this point is the right hands for him at this point since sokkas a litttle bit insane and ozais obiously a douche bad and irohs a twit). (i feel like your really trying to push the whole 'iroh is the best thing for zuko rn' thing and while i very reluctently agree, i still dont like iroh. he'll never get my approval).

I got off track.

anywho

even though its taking so long for both of them to actually be maybe sane, i think the little bit (we might) get by end of liab will be worth it because its taking so long??? idk.

i want to say i trust you with that but i dont

is it going to be perfectly executed? Yes. Definitely.

is it going to be happy? Who knows.

i think thats all for now

if your having trouble following my train of thought so am i but its your fault so.

the last portion was intended to be nice idk if it came across that way.

I’m not trying to isolate Sokka! He is doing a damn good job of that without any effort from me.

Katara & Sokka we’re just doing what siblings do, fight. But one is exhausted and emotionally drained and the other is in fight mode and ready to cut anyone down (even if it’s accidentally his little sister)

Shens death was sad, but he was laid to rest soooooo…. Positive moments??

Awwww thanks for the compliment - I’m glad you enjoy the way I capture the longevity of trauma because it’s not going away but time & support will help them heal slowly. Although after what they experienced they will never be “back to normal”

There will be a happy ending for those of the characters that survive, but there will always be lasting trauma. It doesn’t just ‘go away’ unfortunately.

Your ask was really sweet I’m surprised!! I feel warm & fuzzy MAXXXX!!!! you’re amazing. & I’ll make sure to stuff liab full of iroh content JUST. FOR.YOU. <3 (& Zuko cause he needs his uncle right now)

#max this was a really nice ask #I’m pleasantly surprised #you’re always really nice though #in your own spicy way haha #but yeah iroh wasn’t bad last chapter #he was too emotional because he and Zuko had a moment #& he wasn’t there for most of katara pov #which is fine she learned A LOT #I’m excited for next chapter though #:) thanks for the nice ask max #I enjoyed seeing you in my inbox #even though I miss you in the server <3 #liab #ITF #maaaxx #ask

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doctorofmagic · 2 years

Text

Strange #4 review

This is actually the issue I’ve waiting for!!

Since I already post the preview and pointed out pretty much everything, let’s go a bit ahead, with the exception of this panel. It was missing from the website I first used as a source, but I think it’s important to discuss the relationship between Clea and Umar.

As I pointed out just yesterday, Umar isn’t a good mother. In fact, she has never even TRIED to be one. She developed a disgusting feeling towards Orini and by consequence, Clea. The sacrifice she talks about isn’t really out of love. She was forced to keep her human form after getting pregnant, and the experience was traumatizing to her. Besides, Orini was a SIMP, he’d rather follow Umar instead of taking care or even loving Clea. In fact, Clea was raised in a terrible environment, so it’s really beautiful and inspiring of her to seek love as a motivation unlike her entire family, whose utmost driving desire is power.

And the reason Umar paid her a visit is even worse. Let’s get there.

First of all, Clea confesses that she once wished her mother would care for her, be proud of her. But after EONS, it’s understandable that Clea grew past that need. And well, Umar isn’t here only to congratulate her daughter for being the Sorcerer Supreme of both Earth and the Dark Dimension. She thinks Clea schemed her way up to the top.

I know the concept of love is unknown to Umar, but so was it to Clea. And she learned it all the same thanks to Stephen, the literal manifestation of love. And I cannot stress how this is BRILLIANT because it’s always the other way around. It’s always the woman who’s sentimental and teaches love to her partner. And once more you can see how Doctor Strange has always been ahead of his time when breaking sexist standards, especially for a character conceived in the 60s, as well as the supporting roles. Of course, they’re not perfect, they do have problematic things, but when it comes to equality, he stands out in the hero community.

Now, back to the chapter. Here Clea tells Umar that the mantle of the Sorcerer Supreme is actually a burden. And guess who talked about this before? Yep, that’s me. Also more evidences to prove my point.

From Strange Tales #127 and What If Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme?

And finally Umar opens her heart.

I mean, yes. She strongly believed Clea achieved great things by conquering power, but no one saw what Clea truly went through and sacrificed to get there. That includes the decades she spent in the Dark Dimension being the leader of the rebellion against Dormammu, that one time she almost died to Imperator’s army, the horrors Dormammu put her through when she betrayed him for Stephen, the banishment to an alien dimension, the loneliness and pain, the self-doubt she struggled with when she only had Stephen, and even the many times she fought her own mother for the crown - or merely survival.

Clea’s life has been mostly a story of violence and loneliness, and it only changed when Stephen took her in. She found love, she made friendships (Val and Patsy, for starters), she honed her magic skills, and none of it was thanks to her family.

Maybe they can learn how to connect, but it will demand A LOT from Umar.

Unfortunately, their conversation was interrupted by the Blasphemy Cartel. I really loved this panel because it portrays the similarities between Clea and Umar. They are different, but also they’re mother and daughter. Some things are not avoidable haha.

From Doctor Strange Sorcerer Supreme #23.

The cartel unleashes a new revenant on them, in the shape of Moon Knight’s dead brother, Randall. Clea then tells Umar to deal with the cartel, taking the expression “slay, queen!” a little too literal.

In the meantime, and here’s my second favorite part of the chapter, we FINALLY, FINALLY see Clea’s magic skill at its peak. First, she casts the Images of Ikonn, one of the most important spells in Stephen's inventory!!

Then she summons the demon she captured in the last issues, only enough to buy her time and CREATE A NEW SPELL.

I cannot, CANNOT STRESS how this is breathtaking - and yes, I’m going full fanmode because magic is such a fantastic concept in the marvel universe!!

Clea explains why it is so hard to create a new spell.

“Which is why I am taking on the suicidal task of assembling a new, untested spell-formula on the spot.”

I WONDER WHERE SHE GOT THAT RECKLESSNESS FROM

From Avengers v8 #5.

Also these two pages are incredible.

If someone had any doubts Clea wasn’t powerful enough, here’s proof. There are few occasions in which she displays such power, but never like this. I’m really happy to see the extention of her abilities in a way that only a Sorcerer Supreme would.

The last page shows the second thing I’m really looking forward to, which is Harvestman and Clea’s team-up! I had months to reflect on their possible relationship - assuming he’s not Stephen. Plus the idea of Clea developing a bond with someone on her own really excites me.

PS: the page says "to be concluded”. Jed tweeted that it must have been a mistake. The title isn’t canceled (hopefully), we have more issues to come and we also need Stephen back!!

Overall, I think this chapter, despite the same feeling that I wish I had more, found the perfect balance between emotional growth and epic fights. First half gave a deep insight into Clea and Umar’s complicated relationship and it was enough for both of them to rethink where they’re standing and where they could go if they wish to heal and bond. Second half was epic in many senses, and I can’t wait to see Clea and Moon Knight teaming up!!

In short, this chapter was AMAZING. I really loved it.

Gods, this comic book is amazing, but it’s also such a torture to wait for 5 weeks to get a new issue. That’s not fair y’all :(

#clea strange #umar #harvestman #marvel comics #wednesday tomes #review #jed mackay #marcelo ferreira

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alovelyburn · 2 years

Text

Rambles about the Conviction Arc Part 7

I really should have added the first few pages of “To Holy Ground Part1” to the last one since it’s back to Godo but we can’t change the past.

Anyway. this part picks up at a bit of an odd spot really since there’s a lot of different threads going on. We have Guts leaving Godo’s and going in search of Casca, the introduction of Luca and crew (and Casca’s “alternate” name, Elaine), and of course Farnese being pre-redemptive crazy Farnese along with Mozgus who is surprisingly interesting to talk about.

Point is this is probably going to be a little more disjointing than usual but whatever, we’ll live with it. Transitional chapters and all that.

Rambles about the Conviction Arc Part 7

1. It’s so funny to see Rickert being terrified of Puck that way, because... I mean I get the point – he had a very traumatic experience with supernatural beings and so its like a phobia basically, but its just.. its PUCK.That said...

The fact that he pushes past that fear to thank Puck for basically saving Guts’ humanity though, that’s one of the things that makes Rickert an admirable (and healthy, relatively speaking) person. Someone that honestly Guts should probably learn from. Which, I mean that’s not saying anything new, even Guts knows that.

...and honestly, look at Puck he’s so cute.

I’ve never been a huge Puck fan, so I’ve never been torn up about his loss of prominence, but man that sure is cute.

Anyway back to the meaty bits.

2. Going back to one of my favorite subjects in recent days I guess... Godo is often seen as a father figure for Guts, and I think that is accurate but he’s also... one of many cautionary tales for what Guts could become if he doesn’t watch himself.

Think back to the Golden Age when Guts went in search of his meaning. At that time, when Guts asked why Godo is a blacksmith...

And Godo was like, “I don’t know, it’s just what I’ve always done.” His relationship with the hammer is analogous to Guts’ relationship with the sword, and Guts promptly follows Godo’s logic...

those words settled into Guts in a certain way – he embraced the idea that there is nothing for him other than the sword, that it is part of him the way Godo’s hammer is a part of Godo himself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to say that Guts shouldn’t devote himself to the sword. Guts has always had an incredibly intense relationship with swords. I’ve gone over this before really – his relationship with his sword is the most consistent and the strongest connection he has. That’s why he lost it when the Dragonslayer proved to be insufficient to fight Griffith. And I’m not one to down on that relationship, Guts fucking loves swords, but....

This is the other side of that scene.

Godo and Guts are similar in many ways. Rather than choosing, they had that choice made for them by the circumstances in which they were raised. Like Guts, Godo was in danger of living in isolation, consumed by his life of steel... until he met Erica. This connection allowed him to feel more like a person and less, presumably, like a machine.

This bit is especially important though:

Despite having found that connection, he reverts to type at the end of his life. He “leans into it alone,” as he says. Maybe he was too set in his ways, who knows. When he talked about Guts, comparing him to a overused, cracked and rusted sword that’s begun to break, maybe he was speaking from experience. Well, he probably was.

But he sees that there remains a core to Guts that can be saved – the good steel at the center that never rusts - that can be reborn if tempered properly.

And there it is – “Don’t turn out like me.” Don’t end up an emotional hermit living on steel alone.

I’m not a “Guts’s fixation on swords is bad for him” type of chick, but I do think he uses it as a crutch similarly to the way Griffith used both the dream and Guts himself as a defense against the stress and pain brought on by each other. The way Griffith buries himself in his dream to avoid dealing with the pain of losing Guts, Guts buries himself in the sword to avoid dealing with the pain of losing the Hawks.

What I’m saying is, there’s nothing wrong with the intensity of Guts’ relationship with the sword per se, te problem is doesn’t make room for anything else. So Godo, whose life was consumed by steel, who was able to form a human connection or two but ultimately ends up leaning into death on his own, is able to look at Guts, see someone who is beginning to go down that same path, and tell him... “Let it go. Embrace the people you love. Let go of the pain and the rage. Don’t live just for the sword. Don’t turn out like me.”

This is interesting too. Because though he’s decided to try and hold onto the flame that is Casca, he hasn’t really changed the way he thinks or the way he acts. Because there he goes again, rushing off without looking back, not even realizing that he’s letting yet another person he loves fall through his fingers without so much as an acknowledgment, leaving footprints in the snow behind him one more time as he disappears..

It’s a whole thing about Guts, really. He’s myopic as hell.

Moving on! I mean, it probably goes without saying that I always have more to say about main characters than like Luca and such (although I love Luca), but just a headsup. Although I mean, I won’t know whether I’m going to launch into an analysis of Joachim or something until I get there. Anyway, first stop is Farnese.

3. It’s so interesting how much Farnese has changed. I hear that she’s become a completely different character often, which I’m not sure I really agree with - that wasn’t my impression in the past but we’ll see how it reads to me this time.

As of right now, though, I think a lot of the differences come down to a difference in her understanding of the world and her place in it. Later we’ll find out that she was sent to the Holy Iron Chain Knights because she was impossible to manage at home, but it’s like when she got there she grabbed onto role that with both hands and clung for dear life.

I think it’s the first time she felt like she was doing something with herself - she had real power and a real purpose to dedicate herself to and after years of being called a devil child and treated like a monster, that resonated with her. So she dove into it, and dedicated herself. The fact that the role didn’t fully fit her, the fact that it was kind of imposed on her, was secondary. Right up until a crack is driven into her belief system by her time with Guts and the “miracles” he brings along with him, and now when we catch up with her here, she’s starting to struggle... and as we know, eventually that struggle will just tear her whole belief system apart.

In the meantime, however, thinking back to that bit about how being commander of the knights is the only time she’s felt like she had true power and a real mission in the world...

...this could only have been incredibly devastating. Because she’s been taking her job seriously, and she finds out that she was only ever meant to be a ceremonial prop.

And that power and purpose can be stripped from her in an instant. And that means means she never really had that power to begin with.

Anyway there is a lot about her that has changed but – and im sure I’ll blah blah about this later one but ima say a bit now anyway – to some degree the fact that she changes entirely when she finds something new to cling to is part of her character in itself, isn’t it? Just the same way she remodeled her entire personality to fit into the Holy See’s demands, she kind of remodels herself when she leaves as well. I’d like to think her story is about discovering the person she really is after her lifetime of trying to figure it out, but who knows.

Anyway, I miss her old hairstyle.

4. Mozgus is a pretty interesting character honestly, and pretty on theme for Berserk. He also serves as another confirmation of some of the light/dark, good/evil blurring in the mythos of the series. I have a lot to say about him and his followers and how they reflect the story...

That said, hes also a pretty ridiculous character. Just his looks alone are bizarre and out of place in Berserk nevermind the way his entire face turns into a mess of wrinkles and veins when he gets mad. I’m not complaining or anything, it’s just so weird. I know Berserk has never been quite as straight up serious and grimdark as people imagine it to be – it’s always had Puck in it for God’s sake – but its still pretty rare for a human to be so bizarrely inhuman looking in the series.

5. Anyway, I know this scene is where we first see Casca in the “present,” and I have some thoughts about her situation, but I’ll stop for the moment to say that I love Luca. She’s one of my favorite relatively minor characters, and honestly I like her more than a lot of the larger ones, so yay for Luca.

I have such a hard time connecting the Elaine period of Casca’s life to the... well, Casca periods. Like I know that’s kind of the point – she isn’t the woman she was, she’s essentially a child in a woman’s body. But it’s just so odd to watch, you know?

6. Anyway, Isidro. I know he’s a bit of a controversial character with some fans (much like the whole “RPG group”) but personally I’ve always liked him. I do think he’s meant to echo back to Guts but, aside from being a generally sillier person than Guts ever was, he’s more like Guts in his teenage pre-Hawks days than Guts as a kid. It’s not as direct a parallel as, say, Gaiseric/Skull Knight and Guts, but Isidro’s stubbornness and drive, the way It’s impossible to get him to stop pushing toward what he’s trying to accomplish, that’s something he has in common with Guts and also with Griffith for that matter. Not that I expect him to be an epic hero.

Of course his larger personality is very much his own. Just the fact that he uses non-lethal poisons says it all, and he does come off as much more of an actual child than Guts or Griffith ever did.

7. You know those characters where the more the enemy dismisses them the harder they’re about to get their ass kicked? Yeah Guts is one of those characters. It’s not like I can’t understand why a group of skilled assassins or fighters or... I’m not sure what these specific Kushans are, careerwise, but anyway it’s not like I can’t understand why they’d assume they could take him on but just, you almost have to feel bad for them, because they have no idea what they’re walking into.

And it’s funny because Guts isn’t even trying, like he’s mostly just annoyed that they won’t get out of his way.

THIS MOVE IS COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE, WTF GUTS. YOU’RE WEARING ARMOR, ACT LIKE IT.

Last time I was in Berserk fandom, this guy was really popular in some circles and I’m really not clear on why. that’s all.

And here’s our egg of the perfect world.

You know, I kind of appreciate how we see the world through his eyes (literally) - it contextualizes the reason he wished for what he wished for in a way. While his little hole was (mostly) safe and (mostly) comfortable for him, as it was the only thing he knew... his view of the world outside is... not great.

8. I’m pretty sure this is the first time we really starts to spend time with the truly disadvantaged people in Berserk’s world. Griffith used to be part of that world, in a way (in terms of his social class), but by the time we meet him he’d already escaped it and aside from that, he was never a refugee which is just even worse. Guts was really from a completely different “society” than the rest of the world, having just grown up as a citizen of nothing, more or less.

So let’s talk about Mozgus.

9. He’s a weird character, like I said before, but I do think he directly reflects the nature of the religion (and the god) he represents – and also serves as a primer and reflection for parts of Griffith’s role. LET ME EXPLAIN.

So the Idea of Evil, the human-created god of Berserks world, is an entity that serves the desires of humanity but not by protecting humans from suffering, only by explaining that suffering. This is why it’s called the Idea of Evil right, it’s a different thing than being called the embodiment of evil or something to that effect, because what Berserk’s god represents isnt’ malice so much as the idea that malice exists as a reason for suffering. The idea that if a person is in pain it’s because of evil or bad karma or something rather than because sometimes bad shit happens and there’s no reason and no purpose.

As such you can call it something of a dual-natured deity – a servant of humanity that fulfills mankind’s wishes but does so through dealing out pain. And the Holy See itself reflects that – save humanity, persecute outsiders, support nations, burn the witches. This is reflected in Farnese as well, during her days as Holy See commander – her sadism and pyrophilia regarding burning corpses in concert with her genuine desire to protect humanity from the Hawk of Darkness, or her earnest desire ot save, say, this child from starvation even if it means forgiving illegal activity from the mother.

So okay Mozgus, he’s like that too, though he reaches an entirely new level with it.

I do not think he’s lying when he says he’s impressed by this woman’s love, her willingness to risk herself for the well-being of her baby. He actually does bring the baby to medical help. I’m sure he does feel sorry for the people who are starving to death.

And yet...

He has the mother brutally tortured as punishment for her transgressions. And yet...

He cries as he expresses his hope that she will survive and come through it intact.

Which I do think he’s being honest about, but ultimately it doesn’t matter – but more on that in a hot second. The point is he’s a bit more complicated than he initially seems. It makes sense since he’s basically an inquisitor, like this isnt far off from things that the church actually did.

(As a sort of irrelevant sidenote, the torture room is SO Devilman? It’s got the same kind of layout and vibe as the scene where Akira finds the Makimuras.)

Anyway, visually, the difference between the main tower, which is brightly lit and comfortable, and the torture room reminds me very much of say Falconia vs. the darkness of chaos of Pandemonium, but this isn’t unique to Mozgus or Griffith’s setup either – that “heaven and hell live side by side and are controlled by the same people” setup is repeating idea in Berserk and it goes to the core of the story’s light/dark, good/evil theme. Godhand are both Angels and Devils. Elfhelm is a paradise with dark spot in its heart. The one who bears the light lives in darkness, and inside darkness light is found.

So, for me, the interconnectivity of light and dark, good and evil – and the way darkness is not always destructive and light is not always constructive – are at the heart of Berserk. ...honestly, I’d say it’s the main theme of the story. And in that way, it’s unsurprising that...

In the end, the kindness he shows the baby doesn’t save it, because he ruins the baby’s mother. And how is an infant supposed to survive in the care of a broken parent who can’t take care of it, or even perceive when it’s died?

Now again, Mozgus is absurd but he still embodies this theme, and the extent to which he does is reflected in his relationship to his personal band of torturers – the outcast people that he did save. Even the way he’s portrayed through his followers’ eyes – cloaked in shadow but lit from above, echoes that light/dark theme.

And here is where the Griffith comparison comes in. on a shallow level Mozgus has, like Femto/NeoGriffith, his angelic presentation and his dark side in both his human and pseudoapostle forms. As a human, the dark side shows in the form of his grotesque anger, and once he becomes a pseudo-apostle, he literally has both an angelic form and a monstrous one.

And like Griffith he has paid for his influence and power through damage to himself – his prostrations that leave his face smashed flat, and his hobbled knees that have already taken his ability to run and are edging on rendering him incapable of walking.

But most obviously and importantly, I think... look at the way his disciples talk about him – the way they see him, and the reason he chooses them and how he talks about that.

It’s just Griffith’s relationship to the Apostles, who were themselves humans driven out by humanity and brought to the point of despair. There’s a whole thing later in the series where the Apostles are referenced as people who were rejected by humanity and that is part of Griffith’s hold over them - his ability to bring them into the world again, to offer them another chance. And don’t get me wrong I’m aware that Griffith’s hold is literally supernatural, but they’re also explicitly described as acting to protect humanity because it’s their desire, too.

Similarly, Mozgus is able to forge a control over his disciples by offering them salvation - a chance to be something other than outcasts. Even if it makes them monsters, that means more to them than anything.

You even get this shot which resembles some of those Neo Griffith images in tone and composition.

That was a bit of a tangent so lets go back to uh following the plot as it actually occurs....

10. Which means it’s time to meat the rest of Luca’s crew. I really hope that Casca can meet with Luca again before the ending, though with Miura gone I’m kind of expecting that to NOT happen. I don’t know how important it would be for the plot, after all, so I don’t know that Miura would have mentioned it to Mori.

I know some people are very protective of Nina but I’m gonna be honest – she’s one of the few characters in fiction that I actually dislike. It’s not that I don’t understand where she’s coming from, because I do. She’s in a terrible situation, trapped in this area where people are all gunning for one another, and she’s sick, and she’s scared. I get it. It’s just that I find her annoying.

11. Oh my God Jerome implying that Farnese has a crush on Mozgus, I can’t deal.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but Serpico’s fool act is amusing as hell, especially once you’ve seen him when he’s not being ridiculous.

13. I’m fascinated by the conflicting accounts of what is 99% sure to be Void’s Eclipse. It’s very accurate to the way history and legends change over time.

Even so the consistent elements do spin a tale, albeit an incompletely one: a sage in a tower charged with treason or something to that effect who wouldn’t break even when faced with intense torture who eventually reached his lowest point and became Void by sending the kingdom into Hell. It’s interesting because if that really is what happened – assuming we don’t find out that the Sage was the evil one the whole time or something to that effect, then Gaiseric was the bad one wasn’t he? Which is to say, Skull Knight was the one in the wrong, and who drove the Sage to become Void.

Which honestly works very well for me – it fits the way those who accept the Sacrifice are portrayed - as victims of... poor luck, or poor circumstances, or poor relationships or all of the above. And as I’ve said before, having the sacrifices themselves as source of their despair does genuinely change the way I perceive them.

That said, Void and Femto have a lot in common. VERY similar origin story, but what’s interesting to me is that Void appears to have taken the entire damn kingdom down with him (I mean, the city at least)... and also that he was seemingly “easier” to break than Griffith since the torture alone triggered the eclipse. Assuming we’re not missing anything which I’m sure we are.

Void even ends up with Skull Knight, who is basically his Guts. I mean I don’t expect an exact 1:1 parallel - there are already differences of course, but it does go to how history repeats itself.

So, for the sake of not offending the tumblgods, I’m just going to slide over the orgy with Nina and Joachim, but there are a few important points to note. For example this bit:

14. A priest who was suspected of heresy and thus tortured seemingly into madness. Now, was he spreading heresy? I mean... probably by Mozgus’ standard, because he’s talking about the revelations of a goddess of flame. But it’s interesting because for those of us who know the story already we know that he’s actually correct – the hawk shall alight and, after it repels the [kushans], “it shall lead us to be one nation.” It’s also funny because Griffith is the messiah of the Holy See, so this priest seems to have been punished by the Holy See for preaching revelations about the Holy See’s savior.

Then, going back to where I just left off (sorry for being a pingpong ball), in the midst of this pagan orgy we are given the identity of the goddess of flame...

Which is Slan.

15. FREAKING CANNIBALISM I really have nothing to add aside from jknajhbdaj cannibalism.

I also have no idea how to handle Luca’s spontaneously spanking Nina like she’s a child or something, help.

16. When Casca gets assaulted by the cultists and she has that flashback to the Eclipse, it’s just interesting because as far as I can remember she always flashes to being raped by the Apostles – she never really thinks about the Femto thing that I can recall?

Whether that has any significance I couldn’t say – could be that Miura just didn’t want to use that specific part too much lest it lose its impact, but I do think that kind of contributes to the belief some people have (not me, to be clear) that the rape wasn’t a rape, since she rarely connects it to her mindbreak.

This whole scene is some serious Devilman shit though – it’s just Ryo’s Sabbath disco in Medieval times, especially once Casca’s brand starts attracting spirit.

Aaaand that’s it for today this is long enough. See you on the flipside when we get back to Guts and learn a little more about Farnese.

#berserk #ariel talks about berserk #berserk meta #rambles about berserk

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