#its been too long since ive published something

[kristlewrites]

"Limitless"

CW: Oral (F!receiving), nicknames (my girl,baby,mamas), smut, established relationship, unprotected sex

PAIRING: Toji x Blk!FemReader

WC: 1.3k

🫧🗯️: omg...sorry guys it took me so long to put this out, it literally been week since my last fic. I appreciate all the support ive received over my hiatus and you guys enjoy this as well!! Its not proof read since ive been in such a rush to publish this...

MINORS DNI

It was Saturday night. You had just come back from a long shift at the hospital. Slipping off your crocs, you quickly remove your scrubs and lay them on the dining table. You hurry to the bathroom, peeling away all your undergarments and turning up the water. You enter swiftly going straight in and wasting no time scrubbing your body up and down making sure you get all the corners. Stepping out of the shower leaving a little trail of water everywhere you go, you dry your body and moisturize. Putting on your nightgown you finally rest down on your bed, feeling ten times more exhausted than before.

Opening your phone you see you have received a test from your boyfriend. Fighting the urge to sleep, you read it.

‘Roof is leaking. Again .’

‘I'm coming over’

‘How was work?’

You sigh, Tojis house always had something going on. You always offered him to stay over or even move in but he always declined the offer. Maybe it was because he was too proud or maybe he didn't want to be a burden on you, but you always appreciate it when he's here. So that's why you were super excited when he said he was coming over, but that smile faded a little bit when you heard a knock on your door. ‘How'd he get here so fast?' You thought to yourself while removing your covers. You stroll towards the living room going straight for the door. Your little black cat scratching her back against the door. "Watch out baby” you whisper, grabbing your small cat and placing her down away from the door. 

Opening the door you are greeted by a 6ft tall man, drenched and with a small bag on his shoulder. 

“What happened?” 

“I told you, my roof had a leak.” Toji replied a little 

“A leak?" You said raising your voice a little “Hello you're soaked, hurry come in”

You say gesturing to him to enter your apartment and him leaving a little trail of water on the floor boards. You make a note to clean it up later. He goes to your bathroom and gets cleaned up. Meanwhile you clean around your apartment, fatigue still plaguing you, you decide to take a rest on the couch until he's done.

You feel a light tap on your shoulder startling you awake. Your eyes focus on the tall man hovering over your face, water droplets drop down on your forehead, you look up and see that Tojis hair still hasn't dried yet. “How long have I been asleep?” You mutter looking around for your phone. “Sit down” you order Toji, grabbing the towel off his shoulder offering to dry his hair. He sits down beneath you on the carpet, grabbing the remote and turning on criminal minds. (litcherally my fave show lmao)

While you are drying his hair you guys talk about your days and recent events taking this time to catch up. Toji looks up at you with a little smile sneaking up his face. You remove his hair from his forehead and affectionately give him a small peck on his forehead. He laughs lightly at your gesture. You feel a sharp pang in your stomach. You think back and realize that you haven't eaten since your lunch break at 5pm?!! “Are u hungry?” You ask Toji, bending your neck so he can see you properly.

“Mm” he thinks “yea” he confirms with a devilish glare on his face. You didn't think anything of it until he turned and geared straight towards your pussy. Shocked, you smash your palm onto his face before he gets to do anything else. 

“I asked you if you were hungry..” you say

“I am” He pouts a little, you can feel his frown through your palm.

“Well, not for food clearly” You say rolling your eyes

“Baby please, i haven't seen you in forever” Toji says pleading beneath your hand.

“Fine” You say finally giving in. Almost instantaneously he dives straight for your clit, tearing your panties in the process. You flinch at the contact of his warm tongue meeting your folds. Taking his time he swims his tongue around the surface of your cunt while his hands reach up your nightgown finding your nipples. He twists them with ease causing your whole body to go in circuit. It has been awhile since either of yall have seen each other or even had time for yall selves and maybe that was why you were super reactive to even the slightest of his touch.

“Seems like my girl has missed me too” Toji remarks grinning slightly, referring to your already wet pussy. Leaking out like a faucet. Toji teases your entrance by wagging his tongue just right before it, making you impatient. He uses his hands to pry your thighs open, then he enters your pussy licking your clit up and down. Your back immediately arches at the sensation causing your breath to hitch. He continues to crawl into your pussy lapping up the wetness that was leaking out. 

‘Mm’ you moan from the way Toji roams around your cunt, having your brain short circuit from the feeling. Not being able to control yourself you wrap your legs around his back reeling him into you more.

“mmph u gonna suffocate me baby”

“s-sorry” you mumble softly

“Well,” Toji said grinning, “I wouldn't mind dying here,” he says, finishing it off with a chuckle.

You were too brain dead to even react properly, with Toji invading your insides wiggling his tongue inside your cunt. Your toes curled, eyes rolling back, you feel your release almost immediately flooding down onto tojis face. Him lapping up all your juices like a dog. 

“So sweet mamas, just how I like it.” He says his face is covered with your orgasm. 

He retracts his head from your entrance, raising himself up. You can clearly see the bulge peeking through his sweats. In haste he removes his pants and boxers in one go. Revealing his long throbbing cock. Leaking with pre-cum he smoothly injects it into your pussy causing you to gasp. 

"I-it's t-too deep” you mutter

“C’mon it hasn't even been that long has she forgotten me already?” Toji says smirking, sweat pacing down his forehead. He lifts you up, you wrap your legs around him. 

“Mm” you moan softly as Toji thrusts you up and down. Your toes curl at the fast pace, you lean your head onto his shoulder resting from the fatigue. How Toji has so much energy you could never understand you swear he is a beast. 

“Its okay close your eyes ill take care of everything” Toji whispers softly in your ears. You grip onto his sweaty back for extra support, your black acrylics marking all over. He continues to rock into you until you can feel his dick twitch in your pussy. You feel Toji retract his dick but you stop him. 

“N-no i want you to cum in me..” You say breathless and almost on the verge of passing out “Please..i'm on the pill” you whine, you move your hand over your stomach where you can see his bugle imprinted onto you

“Haaa, are you sure?” Toji asks

“Mhm” you nod quietly, tears leaving your eyes.

And with no second to think Toji immediately releases into you shoving all his up your pussy. You can feel his cum leaking out of you as he fills you up.

“Ah” you squeal, cumming as well, flooding down out your pussy attaching to his chest. You both are out of breath. 

Both of you were snuggled underneath a blanket, your head resting on his chest listening to his heartbeat. While he was munching on the wings you decided to order wings. You put on twilight. He hates it and thinks it's a waste. Secretly you think he enjoys it but he wants to be different. And the movie fit the atmosphere, it was a rainy October night. What other movies would you guys watch??

#kristlewrites🫧🗯️ #black reader smut #blk!fem #toji fushiguro #toji x black reader #black reader #toji x reader #toji x y/n #toji x black y/n #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x black reader #jjk smut #toji smut #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro x black reader #toji fanfic

[whimsylace]

Hey mate; in your Tags you were asking for asks and as you are the (self proclaimed) #1 Darry apologist, I thought you might want to share some of your Darry Headcanons with the world?

DARRY CURTIS HEADCANONS

﹕୨୧ ˚ ࿐

anon i love you so much oh my god. ur ask was like a gift from god or sumh💯💯🗣️🗣️ THANK U SM FOR THE ASKK IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SHARE THESE !!!!!!!!!!!

he sleeps in his parents’ old room

secretly drinks when he’s having a tough time. the only two people that have caught him are soda and two

has dimples. this is basically canon because patrick swayze has them but its not talked ab enouhj!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!!11

has caught dally drinking from their fridge straight out the carton before and forbid him from ever going near the fridge again.

^isn’t aware that the entire gang does this (-pony and johnny because they’ve been paranoid that they’re going to get banned from the fridge ever since that incident.)

rants to tim all the time. tells ponyboy to stay away from the shepards but is also besties with the literal leader like hmmmmm,,, sometjing isn’t right here…………

was the first person dally met when he came to tulsa. literally scooped him up into his arms and brought him home.

sSPEAKING OF DAL! darry worries waay too much about him. dallys like a kid brother to him n hes just constantly paranoid something bads gonna happen to him.

((the “dally sees darry as an older brother” headcanon is literally whats keeping me going rn🙏))

sleeps with his childhood teddybear . their parents gave it to him on christmas when he was 7 and has been attached to it ever since.

actually rlly interested in literature!!! he’s tried to write a couple books by himself before but couldnt get them published.

tries to always wake up early so he gets to make breakfast (he doesn’t want their kitchen to be in flames when he wakes up)

gets genuinely upset when someone makes fun of his age. he grew up too fast cries bawls shits

would always bake with his mom!!!! they would bake together every week. it’s how he has his moms chocolate cake recipe memorized.

has really fancy handwriting. except it used to be all fancy and now it just looks like a doctors note

helps two-bits mom with cooking and his sister with her homework. also does two’s chores in return for stolen free beer (not buying it himself makes him feel less guilty)

would take every stray cat home if he could. prefers cats to dogs because he hates how noisy they are,, but he adores puppies .

I HAVE MORE BUT I DONT WANNA MAKE THIS TOO LONG SORRY🤕🤕

#i was gonna add angsty ones but those r for another time #i feel like while darrys helping twos sister w/ hw two’s just staring at him all lovey dovey #and then dar realizes so hes like ‘‘what teh fuck are you looking at never make that face again’’ #okay YEAH theres a pinch of darbit so what!!!!!! #the outsiders #darry curtis #darrel curtis #dallas winston #dally winston #two bit mathews #keith mathews #tim shepard #stars asks ♡

[stevethehairington]

Steve gets hanahaki, coughs up yellow acacias if he so much as thinks of Eddie too long. He tries not to think of the way his eyes soften when he talks to the kids, or the laugh lines he already has curved in his cheeks where Steve wishes he could put his hands. Ever the self-sacrificing person, Steve doesn't say a word about it even as he hacks up bouquets of it, but Robin and Dustin are the first to know something is wrong, and encourage him to go to the hospital, so he does. The doctors tell him about the surgery, which would remove the roots that are threatening to pierce his lungs, but that he would lose the love he has for the long-haired man. They tell him that many people choose death.

"That's stupid," Steve says, "if I die because of a hopeless crush, my friends will find a way to bring me back to life just to kill me themselves."

He agrees to the surgery, and they let him make a phone call before they get him a room, so he calls Robin and lets her know everything. She sighs but says he's doing the right thing, and Steve gives her permission to tell Dustin as well, since he was worried. While Steve is in the hospital being prepared for surgery, Robin calls Dustin and lets him know the situation, and he's understandably upset that Steve was quiet about it for so long about it, but sighs in relief that he's not the romantic idiot Dustin thought he was. Dustin, not knowing who the flowers were for, accidentally mentions it to the group since it was DnD night, and Eddie jumps from his chair and runs to the phone to call Robin back. The kids hear him pleading with her for an answer, then a huff of disbelief, and a silence, before Eddie inhales deeply and says, "It's okay. If he was able to fall in love with me once, then the capacity for it is there. I just have to... meet him where he is, and we'll go from there together, right? So it's okay. We still-- I still have him. We still have time."

omg so i wanted SOOO badly to do a little volleying back to this and like do a proper little write up of what happens next in response for you, but my brain is just not working with me on it and i am SO upset about that, but this has been sitting in my ask box for a while now and i feel bAD for letting it sit for so long so i am just going to publish it now but.

BUT.

I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS I LOVE THISSSS OMG. it's so funny too bc i have never really cared much for the hanahaki trope before, like i knew it existed but i never really read it or looked for it or anything, i was pretty indifferent to it, but there have been a couple ive seen for this fandom and for steddie specifically and HOHOHOHO oh my god i eat that shit UP its so fucking GOOD it just works so damn well for them and i LOVE IT.

and this THISSSSS is so good omg.

"if he was able to fall in love with me once, then the capacity for it is there" SCREAM SCREAM SCREAAAAM!!!! eddie thinking he's going to be too late, but that's okay because if it happened once it can happen again and this time it'll be different!! this time he wont let it get to this point!!!

except EXCEPT!!! he rushes to the hospital and he makes it there RIGHT as steve is about to be wheeled back for the surgery and he's breathless from sprinting and his heart is hammering in his chest because what if he tells steve the feelings are returned but he doesnt believe him?? what if he still tries to go through with the surgery anyways? or what if hes doing this because he doesnt want those feelings?? but eddie doesn't care, he's got a chance here and he's going to take it. so he pleads with the doctors, begs them to give him a minute to talk to steve, and they look to steve and he gives his permission. and so they leave the room, leave steve and eddie together. alone.

and eddie tells steve, he confesses everything that he's been holding back too, he tells him that he loves him. and when he's done he holds his breath, he hopes he wasnt too late, wishes that this does the trick to convince steve otherwise, he wonders he wonders he wonders.

and then steve coughs. and eddie's breath catches in his throat, everything on the verge of crashing down around him because oh fuck it didnt?

but when steve pulls his hand away from his mouth, it's empty. there's no flowers, no leaves, no blood. no nothing. his hand is empty.

he looks up at eddie with huge eyes, back down at his hand, then back up at eddie. he clears his throat, coughs again, still nothing.

and then his whole face lights up. and its magic, it's fucking magic. the sick pallor of steve's face clears as the color returns, the rattle of his breaths quiets until it's gone, until he inhales deep and blows it out in a smooth, easy breath.

"eddie," he says, and he grabs onto eddie's hand. "i love you." he says, like it's suddenly the easiest thing.

eddie laughs, he laughs so bright, and he doesn't even care as he practically throws himself at steve, catching his face between his hands and pulling him in for a kiss.

he almost lost him, but he didn't. he didn't.

"i love you, steve, i love you so much."

it's that easy.

#asks #anonymous #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #mack writes #macks ficlets #hanahaki disease

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Thanks Captain America

chapter 5

Next chapter (Chapter 6)

WARNINGS: 18+ just incase ptsd kidnapping drug overdose , drugs kidnapping psychological issues that can trigger anyone a whole lot of angst and heartbreak character death

Comments and Rebligs appreciated no publishing or reporting

Previous Chapter

Steve is upstairs working on a exfil plan for two shadows im Germany when he is called down the T.O.R.s (tactical observation rooms)

because a team clearing out a drug trafficking ring location, who have started to dabble in other Steves, found something he needs to needs to see - a phrase Steve rolled his eyes at. Steve throws down his pencil in a noise and huffy as he goes into the roof. Workers hand him an earned as he walks in.

But all he see is walls.

"This is what I'm called down for? Dirty walls?" He thinks, annoyed because there are two agents in trouble that need exfil yesterday and hes looking at walls for what? To decide what to repaint them?

In fact that's what thought. Exactly what he thought.

"He's here show us."

It takes Steve a second to figure out what they're showing him. Ok an iv connected to a body he doesn't-the face he recognizes the dirty grayed face. He swallow hard. Its been a year but It was her face, slightly skinner a malnourished faced barely clothed . Steve stopped paying attention to what they were saying but he heard "drug overdose"

"What?"

"Looks like a drug overdose sir. Probably a day or two ago. If it wasn't-"

"For the side mission I sent you on she'd be alive. If I didn't stop looking."

Steve shot up in bed covered in sweat. Panting he's had that nightmare ever since Hayden came to say you were missing. They only got worse after the restraining order when he knew he wouldn't be able to help her the way she helped him at night and he longed for nothing more than to just hold her.

Then there were others where they're too early by a day and you get put somewhere else until they're gone and he sees you as you see the quinn jett flying away above you. Cursing Steve, hating him because you think they aren't looking for you because you think Steve replaced you the one thought that Steve just has through is whole in is that he is afraid you thinknhe sees yiu like garbage, he's made you believeyou were gun bendable disposable always another peice on the side and that HE madeyou give up because his treatment. He knew it and it killed him Because he knew what you knew if he was looking for you then they would have found you. Other times Steve is walking down the street and passes a crime scene and he sees your face just before they zip up thr body bag, those the worst for him youbwere in the city the whole time. Right under his nose. A few block away and he still lost you forever. Hayden. Well Hayden could be temporary any lover or boyfriend or even husband could be divorxe was easy nowadays but death no one could come back from,, Steve only cheated it because of a technicality with ice. Bucky was cryo-perserved. But you wouldn't be. You'd-he stopped himself to look at the time the precious minutes wasting away. Barely 10 minutes have passed since the last time he looked. He couldn't have even gotten 10 minutes in but the nightmares keep coming you always you turing up somewhere or another his fault. But that's because it is. He knew it he couldn't lie about it to anyone no one could lie about it to him though no one was foolish enough to bring it up not after Steve had all but killed a High up Avenger Agent who said its been too long nd there were agents who needed his help now -she was a lost cause.

He was a lost cause too once but he had 70 years to wait you didnt have even a sliver of that.

Chapter 6

So Steve went back to the room that been a second home. No, not a second home, a room because nothing was home without you.

After a little while some.one had called for him to go down to a T.O.R. room he gulped heavily. This was how his nightmare started and he knew you wouldn't be waking him up.

Taglist

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @patzammit @hawkeyes-queen @sparklybarbarianninja

#avengers #chris evans #steve rogers #ari levinson imagine #ari levinson x female reader #chris evans x plus size reader #ransom drysdale #steve rogers fanfiction #chris evans characters #chris evans comfort #andy barber x female reader #ari levinson #angsty #sam wilson x reader #andy barber fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #tony stark

[literaphobe]

Also what you said in your tags about older fanfics — so true that sometimes it’s hard to figure out if something's “popular” (defining as high kudos/comments count) because it is from Ye Olden Fandom days and/or continuously got new chapters (and thus, comments) over time or if it's really. a fandom classic. Either way the MLB fandom has a bunch of amazing and talented writers and we're lucky to have so much (diverse in genre and style) material in both canon and especially fandom! And I hope you can publish your WIP(s?) soon, I loved the snippets you posted!!!

(And btw this is absolutely not meant to shit on popular fics!!! To me personally it’s sometimes hard to enjoy a story that’s set in canonverse but at this point in time diverges so much from canon, because canon has, logically, expanded since 2016; but like I said one of the upsides of a large fandom is that there's something for everyone)

(and can someone PLEASE explain the Bat Family Crossovers there's just so MANY)

Anyways sorry for spamming your inbox but!! Happy 8th anniversary to all fellow “new” fans I hope we only get more passionate and annoying over time <3 (2/2)

omg no i totally get what you mean!! and even if something that’s popular is good not everything is for everyone!!!! you can dislike things that other people like and its all perfectly fine as long as we are all somewhat kind to each other ^_^

i also agree that its awesome having such a talented fandom!! big too for the most part so HEHE!! ive read some life changing things and also know theres so much out there that i havent read that id LOVE if i read!!!!

i also hope i can publish my WIP soon i have been working on it since um. late december last year/january this year KFKSKDKDJ ITS UM. its been a while. But i promise i am speeding it up and will be somewhat hopefully done soon!!!!! its gonna be like 12 chapters, i just started ch9, and um currently i have over 90k words written??? GET READY TO BE STUFFED LMAOOO im shoving these words down ur throats and i hope u guys like it…. First fic for a fandom is always so unnerving u never know how something’s gonna be perceived BUT IM GLAD U R INTERESTED ANON MWAH MWAH

bat family thing um. well. marinette is based on spiderman. so um. uh. superheroes…? (i have Not read any of them)

HAPPY 8TH ANNIVERSARY TO US NEW FANS FR WHO HAVE NOT SUFFERED IN THE SAME WAY AS MOST FANS. also anon u r not spamming me i LIVE to answer asks

#ask #i used to answer dozens of asks everyday #it got so bad that i refused to make regular text posts #id be like guys send me emojis so i can talk #LIKE GIRL? THE TEXT POST BUTTON IS RIGHT THERE? #i felt like i wasnt allowed to make a post unless it was a Post yknow #w Tags #and Purpose #well. i am neurodivergent after all #mlbposting

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @galactic-mystics-writes

Who You Are:

Galaxy || She/they

I live in New Mexico with two of my partners, my many pets and my sibling. Im a college student working towards a degree in early childhood education.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Adventure, fantasy, poetry, romance, sci-fi, tragedy. Young adult, new adult, and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Fantasy. There's really no end to what kind of world or character you could have.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Horror! Im a giant baby, i would scare myself. I scared myself into being paranoid about a bombing in my hometown because of something i wrote.

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

I think my target would be people around my age, so about 18-25, mostly. My characters tend to be in that age range, but i think anyone who had an appreciation for what i write could find a enjoyment in my stories.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Siblings, loss, found family, ect. I hold a massive love for my siblings and my found family, but ive also experienced a ton of loss (thankfully mostly not related to my siblings) that writing gives me a chance to process.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Women losing power if theyre soft and caring. I think its ridiculous that something that makes ANYONE a stronger person (love, family, compassion) is somehow capable of removing someone's strength and power. It also applies to men, but i see it more in fictional women's stories.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

My 'pet' project is Exodus Down, my soft scifi story that I've been working on since 2017.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

Writing is sometimes THE outlet that keeps me from going insane. Without writing, i wouldnt have a way to process what Im feeling.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

Ive been writing poetry and short stories since i was about 13. The freedom writing gives me is probably what drew me in first, followed closely by realizing people might listen more if i write well

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

Inspiration is everywhere, speaking as a poet. Speaking as a fantasy and scifi writer, its… still pretty much everywhere. This might sound stupid but i got the inital Inspiration for Exodus Down from watching Markiplier play Subnautica. The story idea of being lost and having to find a way to survive alone captured me, although it definitely developed much, much farther from that in a few years ive been working on it.

What works of yours are you most proud of? Why?

Exodus Down. I adore the world I've built. The characters i made feel real, and im endlessly proud of where the story is reaching.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

I've had a few poems published, but Ive never published a story, I think. I would like too! I dont think Exodus Down would catch many publisher's eyes, unfortunately, especially with the nebulous age group it could target.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you? Why?

Holding a finished book, MY book, at the end of years of labor and love and writers block and pestering my friends for input, reading that dedication, would ve the part that would appeal most to me. I dont think i'd be well equipped for the work that does come along with finding a publisher though, especially since I can be a little sensative towards criticism about my "baby."

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Theres a process? Most appealing is probably the act of moving all the beautiful, swirling, colorful ideas i have into just as beautiful scenes. Least appealing is editing.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

Since about 2017. I wanted somewhere to *put* my story, and figured tumblr would be the place. I didnt know then how big and vibrant the writeblr community is

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@leafgreen6 is my favorite. I dont actually remember how we ended up following each other or why, it was years ago now, but she quickly became my best friend.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

The community. Theres so many people who are there for the same thing

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

Im just coming back after a really rough couple of years. I havent figured out what has changed and whats stayed the same yet.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I dont think i really do anything for the community, im such a small blog that I dont have much more influence beyond shouting into the void. I probably could do more, but between college and chronic illness, i dont think I will end up with much influence

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

I love ones like this. Ones that invite interaction and getting to know new people, or getting to know ones you know better

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Im honestly not sure. I half use tumblr for memes, half for the writeblr community. I like sharing my story though, and have been posting a lot of my story lately.

Questions For Fun:

What is one animal you would keep as a pet if you legally could? Why?

If it were legal and i could provide a safe space for a pair, I'd keep a pair of cheetahs! Ive always, always, ALWAYS loved cheetahs since i was a little kid, and to this day, theyre still my utter favorite big cats. I was 15 the first time i ever saw one and i think i would perish if i ever got to pet one.

What color best encapsulates your main character? Why?

I have three main characters for Exodus Down, all of them are POV characters. Aliee would be green, soft and foresty green. She's bright, welcoming, a little mysterious (her thoughts, when given the choice, are only hers to know, but she doesnt often get the choice from the other two mains) and in the end, a strong fighting character. Avren would be orange, something maybe a little more brown but still defineably orange. Strong, protective, warm to the people he loves, and comforting. He also really doesnt take much bullshit and orange is a no-bullshit color in my opinion. Tel'iah would be blue, the same color as a deep, deep ocean or a piece of lapis lazuli. Hes got a depth of knowledge in his eyes, hes calm, reserved, elegant and friendly.

If you could go back to when you first started writing and give yourself advice, what would you say?

If i could go back, I would tell myself that writing the story I need to tell is more important than writing the story i think people need to hear. When i started Exodus Down, i was writing for what i thought would make a good story, and it wasnt great. I dont know what people want to read. I dont know what makes a good story in the eyes of others. But i know what I need to say, to calm my soul, to give myself an outlet and a world where things go the way i need them to, rather than how someone else thinks they should go. So i think i would tell myself to give up the idea of writing for someone else, and just write for myself. Others can take or leave the story as they wish to

#iwaw #writeblr celebration #writeblr event #writeblr #writing community

[leareadsheresy]

Horus Rising Part 1: The Deceived

This post contains spoilers for the The Deceived, the first part (and approximately the first half) of Horus Rising by Dan Abnett, first published as a novel on (as nearly as I can tell) April 6th, 2006. This is all material I've read years ago, so I can't provide fresh eyes on it. However, that also means I've been thinking about it for a while.

I considered doing a plot summary but I'm not going to; it was taking too long to type. So. It's immediately obvious what Abnett is doing here with the dramatic irony -- the first line of the book is "I was there when Horus slew the Emperor" and the book remarks of the Justaerin lead by Ezekyle Abaddon that they seem to be of a different, black Legion, etc. -- but I have to remember that this was published in April 2006, during Warhammer 40k 4th Edition. The Horus Heresy wouldn't be its own game until October 2012, six and a half years later. He is laying it on thick because doing a pseudo-historical book series where the whole point is you know where things will end up and the drama and tension stem from how it'll get there still feels novel; it doesn't yet feel assumed.

I do want to call to attention one specific passage, though, early in the book, that is significant to me:

"Except that for all its martial technologies, the enemy lacked one essential quality, and that quality was locked within each and every case of Mark IV power armour: the genetically enhanced flesh and blood of the Imperial Astartes. Modified, refined, post-human, the Astartes were superior to anything they had met or would ever meet."

Around the same time I first read this book I also read Guy Haley's Dark Imperium, the first version before the rewrite to bring it into line with the revised 9th edition 40k timeline. There is a similar passage early in the first edition of that book introducing Primaris Space Marines, which says clearly that the first generation Space Marines are hopelessly outclassed and made obsolete by the Primaris. Reading those two passages in close proximity made it viscerally clear that Black Library, GW's publishing arm, is ultimately all just ads for whatever miniatures they're trying to sell at the moment. This is something I'd been aware of before then, but the juxtaposition of those two passages really drove it home. (The Dark Imperium rewrite removed that passage in favor of something that says there's effectively no difference between Firstborn and Primaris anymore.)

Anyway, I'd also like to draw attention to the way Loken's squad seems to have a dedicated plasma gunner; since Heresy isn't its own game yet, Dan Abnett seems to be writing the Luna Wolves as fighting with M.41-era tactical squads. Though given that Loken is First Captain of the Tenth, you could read that as just being a command squad thing. The book also talks about Devastator Squads instead of heavy support. This isn't important but it's kind of funny, in an "Oh, of course they hadn't figured that out yet" way.

I think the book handles reasonably well that the Imperium of Man are implicitly villainous, while stepping back a bit from fully addressing it. The setup is that the 63rd expeditionary fleet arrives at 63-19 to discover a flourishing human civilization and send a peace envoy to negotiate Compliance, who the emperor of the planet has executed out of turn for saying something offensive. The fleet then sends a force of Space Marines to attack the planetary capital and decapitate the civilization's government. The locals bring up the issue of "Why couldn't you just leave us alone?" but, like, dudes you killed their diplomatic envoy out of hand; what did you think would happen? On the other hand, it's made clear that leaving them alone really wasn't an option -- even if the locals hadn't executed the visiting diplomat and had merely politely requested that the fleet leave, the options were always surrender or war, and this is being presented as A Problem… but the execution of the envoy provides moral justification of the invasion so the audience isn't forced to confront the Imperium being fully villainous right away.

Something I didn't notice when I read this the first time, but which stands out now, is that this part of the book is literally called The Deceived. I think my eyes just skimmed over that title page years ago. The subject of this part of the book is the way everyone relates to Horus, a character who does not get a point-of-view section and who's clearly flattering everyone around him at all times; everyone loves him because he seems to love and value everyone. One of the common complaints about False Gods and definitely one I felt when reading it was that it has Horus slide into treachery too quickly, but in light of specifically this section's title, I think that maybe makes me like what I remember of False Gods more? Horus is already deceiving everyone. One influence on me here is Arbiter Ian's videos where he makes the argument that the Heresy couldn't have worked if the Warmaster hadn't been at least planning for something like it as a possibility for long before the events of this book -- he was clearly moving people and materiel around for a scenario like this for decades. On my first read I think I assumed the book was being coy about it but was leaning towards Horus still being loyal at this time so his treachery would be more tragic later; on my second read, it seems like Horus is already a secret traitor and is playing everyone, which might make False Gods less jarring… but I do think makes this one somewhat less interesting. I would much rather read a book about a mostly-loyal Horus turning traitor than an already-traitor Horus setting his plan in motion. The book is trying to eat its cake and have it, too.

(I said some mean things about Horus Heresy YouTube Lore Explainers earlier, but Arbiter Ian's great, and his historiographic approach to Warhammer fiction is consistently interesting.)

I do not like the way Samus and warp daemons and Space Marine possession are handled, I think for two reasons, one substantial and one petty.

Here's the petty reason: Samus has a series of catchphrases he whispers in peoples' ears before possessing someone and murdering their friends, and some of those catchphrases are effective while others are fuckin' weaksauce. "Look out! Samus is here" is not a scary catch phrase for a daemon. "Samus will gnaw on your bones" is also pretty blunt. "Samus is the man beside you" is great understated horror, but the way his creepy whisper is structured, it starts strong and gets weaker and ends on its weakest point. It really, really diffuses the tension Abnett is trying to set up.

Here's the substantial reason: If you're going to do a book series where one of the plot points is Space Marines and Imperial civilians raised in the radical atheism of the Imperial Truth, totally convinced there's no such thing as gods or spirits or supernatural forces, first encountering daemons and warp possession and having their view of the universe shattered, it is no good to set it when someone higher up can immediately show up and go "Oh yeah we totally know about those already but it's a secret; don't tell anyone daemons are real, also, this is just like those other times you fought possessed people who just happened not to be space marines, remember?" And granted it's Horus who provides that explanation but it's too obvious -- if he's jerking Loken around, he should have been able to present an alternate take on things that both left Loken more reassured while leaving the audience wondering whether Horus knows more than he's saying or not, instead of just immediately telling the truth in a way that reassures us the Astartes aren't actually facing an outside context problem, don't worry, we've totes got context for this. Like, the book sets up a really interesting source of drama and immediately diffuses it, like Samus's whispered chat in macrocosm. And that kinda relates to what I said above about Horus already being a secret traitor: This is the wrong point in the Heresy to start the Heresy novel series. A better version of this story would have had Samus's possession of Xayver Jubal be a more jarring, less explicable event, with Samus himself being creepier, and set Horus himself earlier along on his development towards treason.

That said, the Horus Heresy wasn't originally planned to be a 64-volume series. GW originally greenlit three books: Horus Rising, False Gods, and Galaxy in Flames. In light of that it's clear why they jumped right into Horus's, uh, heresy. But the book is shooting for two different goals and falling just short of each.

(There's also the arguable issue that it's hard for warp fuckery to be a truly outside-context problem for the Astartes, given how much warp fuckery they had to face up against during the Unification Wars, but you could even use that -- if the Unification Wars were two hundred plus years ago and knowledge of warp fuckery had been suppressed in the name of the Imperial Truth, then ancient stories of Astartes fighting things like this coming up in the wake of Samus's massacre could be a way to establish the horror of the situation. Later on the book goes into the warrior lodges, secret societies where Space Marines are encourated to speak freely to each other outside the boundaries of rank and regulation -- the book could have had old stories of daemonic possession come out there, while being suppressed outside of the lodge meetings.)

Anyway those are my thoughts on Horus Rising Part 1: The Deceived. Subsequent entries to this blog will probably be shorter than this. This took a long time to compose.

#horus heresy #warhammer 30k #Horus Rising #lea reads heresy #read along #spoilers

[obsolete-stars-if]

progress update

1st feb 2024

like i wanted to do this year on every 1st of each month, we have a general progress update, what ive been up to, general stats, plans for the upcoming month, how the last month treated me and how i treated this game. lots of personal detail will happen.

january has been the least productive month yet, im trying to not let it get to me, i had to take lots of breaks, my bed literally broke down on me on the 1st and it took over 2 weeks to get the new bed to me. sleeping on the ground made writing so impossible bcs i got chronic pain flair ups, migraines as well as hip pain. it was agony. i did however cleaned my room and got a new bed and this change of paste was really welcome. now that i finally have an actual desk to write on again, I can look outside my window and watch the squirrels while i write, so beautiful. that does mean i didnt finish chapter 7 which is a bummer, but im trying to stay positive. i did publish part 2 in a more rough than usual state, just bcs i needed it out, i wouldve lost my mind if i didnt update it. I allowed myself to take a break from OS since the last update, bcs even if i didnt actively wrote most of jan, i still thought about OS and beat myself up for not writing. And i had some time to work on other things that I plan for the future, others stories i wanna tell some day (im not starting a new wip bcs i will literally never finish anything if i do), and also just, reading and drawing without thinking about OS too much. It were only a few days, but it was a much needed break, bcs since OS went officially online last May, there wasnt really a day where i didnt think about OS.

stats from Jan: I wrote a total of 8.477 words over the 8 days that i worked on this. That doesnt sound much, but its still about 1k words each day. obv the 8,5k words arent the 20k I set out to do in the beginning of January, but im just happy i did something.

The game is now over 70k words long (including code, i wrote that shit imma count it), i know its not as much as other ppls wips, but damn, it feels crazy to me, knowing i sat down, laptop on my lap (in my bed primarily) and just wrote that much in less than a year.

Plans for feb: for the love of god i need to get chapter 7 done. i also set the goal to 10k, since there are less days in february and i know that i might not get the time to write as i will be job hunting, yay. the goal will be adjusted in march depending on if and what job i get maybe. in general im pretty scared of february and march, bcs i will lose the financial aid and im not sure yet how the fuck will i finance myself, since moving back with my mom is a no. and i refuse to open a kofi or patreon. im very against earning money from my hobby and i hope i dont have to resort to it ever. (personal opinion)

Anyway, thanks for listening and lets hope that february will be a good month, ey

#obsolete stars if #obsolete stars #progress update #february #janurary #writing #personal

[starrierknight]

on the topic of reader inserts with personality,, i think people just hate having fun.

like never in my entire life have i been reading fanfic and gone "i would not fucking say that". like what the fuck LMAO nd ive been reading x reader fanfiction since i was like 12. anytime the reader has a backstory i can't relate to im just like "ooh alternative universe bunny. FUN!!!" same with small details about their personality. like oh ur kind of a bitch? okay fun i guess i am too for the duration of this fic.

i think people just have become too used to having access to fanfiction as content rather than as art nd now everyone thinks everything needs to be for them or its not worth their time😭

no because your last point!!!!! is so very real!!!! I remember being a relatively popular fanfic blog on my main back in 2020/2021, and bro... when i came back in the summer i was so fucking shell shocked by the change in attitude??? towards fanfiction???

we are not "content creators" in the way that we do not have a team of people working with us to have a steady flow of content for ppl to consume. fanfic is supposed to be read, not consumed, just like reading books. even then, fanfic authors don't have publishers or editors. we do it all ourselves.

but that's another issue. I've noticed since my return that ppl's interests skew more towards shorter posts - like hcs/drabbles/short fics, often with relatively simple writing styles. personally, I think this has a lot to do with tiktok. the average person's attention span and reading comprehension (30<) has declined so much that to sit down and read something too long breaks their immersion.

there's a need for constant stimulation, for an ongoing stream of content (in this case, fanfiction) to stay entertained and for it to be sufficient escapism. long fics or fics with a broader vocabulary require readers to engage and pay more attention to the content they want to consume but need to read.

people are so accustomed to having algorithms piece together short snippets of content so that it will appeal to their interests, no matter how niche, and so they can comfortably fit themselves into an echo chamber that suits them. fanfic was never built for this. ever.

anyway, I could go on forever about this, but I'll end it here lol.

#[ ✉ ] — reece's mail #[ ☄ ] — dearest bunny #cw discourse

[monstrouslyobsessed]

if my body can just...chill, that'd be great. gonna try and publish two pieces by tomorrow. here's hoping i can do it!

Ooh! Regarding the Jaguar tribe, I pick the AFAB one, please! —anonymous

ah alright, i can probably do that one first, maybe. just trying to be considerate to everyone possible!

What age you became (or started) to became a Monsterfucker?and what triggred it for you?;for me it was when i was like 7-10 because of Ben 10 LMFAO.

I had a crush on XLR8,Ripjaws (i love me some shape of water looking monster),Heatblast and Big Chill (my fav Mothman),i also loved Upgrade but when they introducted Malware it was breaking point for me,like you are bringing this EVIL AND WELL WRITTEN VILLAIN VERSION OF UPGRADE AND EXPECT ME NOT TO SIMP???

Sorry if this was asked before and thank you! —anonymous

you're the first one who asked!!

but uhhhh, shoot, i think i was probablyyyyyy 6 or 7 with goliath from gargoyles from early 90s??? maybe??? not too positive tbh, it had been a very long time for me. i remembered having a bit of a crush on demona too…i think her name was? the kid me was shocked to see that yes, you can pair a human up with an inhuman character, but i didn't exactly fall in the monsterfucker genre too deep until probably the mid2010s. that genre just wasn't popular before then and the internet was sorta…pretty vanilla then too, at least in my usual internet hang-outs.

oh man, ben 10. i barely remembered half the shits about that show lol watched the kid era from the beginning to the end and missed out a few on the teen era (i missed gwen's sass ngl), but i definitely lost all interest when its creator passed and the jerkwads at cartoon network or whatever company it was rebooted it from scratch and completely disrespected the creator's wishes??? like why lmao and the new style was hideous, so i p much dropped out from ben10 since and don't keep up with it at all.

Mars attacks??? Would you write for it????? —anonymous

er one by tim burton?? unless there are other ones i wasn't aware about (the title is super common with the older media iirc), i'd have to say no. the appearance of those aliens from that movie is not…something i'd be into. sorry!

that said, i certainly did write several alien pieces, including the classic martian aliens in ufo one if you're interested! the latter was very nondescript so you're welcome to imagine whatever alien appearance you'd prefer :)

i envy how you're able to create such a specific and fascinating story —anonymous

daw thank you! <3 my writing def ain't perfect and i know im slow as heck, but it makes me happy that i have kind readers like you reading my pieces <3

i like you —anonymous

i like you too nonnie!

okay thats all the nonstory related asks i have atm. if there's a question i haven't answered, chances are, the hellsite might've eaten it :( if that's the case for you, then feel free to send in another one!

that said, ive been looking around for ask memes for my oc's like that classic nsfw abc's one to interact with yall and do something fun with my characters, but haven't a lot of luck finding any i liked. if you have any rec, hmu!

otherwise, <3 yall be good to one other and take care!

#☠️monster is whispering... #☠️not writing... #ghosts are curious.👻 #anonymous #asked #answered

[picopepin]

I feel like its worth noting that my canonical mtt art ended at the fanartbook for an indefinite amount of time. It was such a long ride since october 2015 - thats going to be eight seven years of service in a couple months.. I know Ive been chatty a lot lately on here and its a little out of character sure but there is a reason youve seen an upswing in AU/OC content. Ive never thought it was necessary to announce that youre stepping away from something and I still think its kinda pointless to post this since theres a chance of a third... fourth... revival if Toby made new content or something. Plus when I publish my musings like this they always end up inverting on themselves so maybe its for good(?) luck to post.

Anyways, my ubetella and mte198x content is henceforth entirely indulgent and primarily made for me and my partner and thats awesome and wonderful and its awesome and wonderful that those of you who partake enjoy it too!!! I hope its not too big of a letdown but I put a lot of fucking miles into mtt and i dont feel that theres much left to explore - though Mettamay was DOPE and Id do it again in a heartbeat. Id be happy to put together an archive of the sfw content to share if you missed out on all the art books and whatnot and I might even set up a pwyw for it too.

Hope yall have a good manic monday and Ill still look into those rubber stamp keychains eventually hxbfjf and maybe open miniprints again. God willing some keychains/standees too perhaps. Im just so terribly bad at handling merch stuff for longer than a few weeks at a time.

[mahou-furbies]

Mahou wrap up 2022 survey results

Here are the results of the recent questionnaire for your Mahou 2022!

Best character:

irma w.i.t.c.h.

Myamu

Lemon Kokoa

sunday spade wild cardz

Luchia Nanami

Mew Lettuce

Cure Whip! (i rewatched KiraKira! So not really 2022? If from 2022 only, I loved Kuroe)

Cure Precious/Yui Nagomi

nanami kiryuu

Fuwa Kokone

Sayaka miki (I watched side story this year so it technically counts even though she’s my favorite magical girl ever)

Yui Nagomi/Cure Precious, Ichigo Momomiya/Mew Ichigo

Best character design:

Cure YumYum

Cure Yum Yum

Cure coral

cure flora

Cure Finale

Kome-Kome

The Hirogaru Sky silhouettes. I just know the full designs are gonna be ballin'

This is a hard one, all of the Primagi designs are tied.

kumi kumi from mgrp white is minecraft

Infinite Iroha (Magia Record)

I just love seeing designs in general

the way utena uses the transformations for symbolism and what not is super cool design by itself goes to cure summer shes great

Mew Lettuce's and Mew Zakuro's 2022 designs

Best work:

Tokyo Mew Mew New

Tokyo Mew Mew New!

care bear stars

Magilumiere

Healer Girl

....does witch hat atelier count as a mg since it's witches or it it too fantasy world to be one? either way it slaps

Ultra Maniac

Delicious Party PreCure has its moments but it's not my fav season or anything. I wish I had time for more anime this year, but unfortunately I've been working overtime.

Can I say Glitter and Guilt? Because there's published webcomic pages now

utena is the best show ive watched in a long time i love picking it apart and even tough its super dark and hard to watch the visuals and everything is amazing i love the movie the most its so surreal and dreamy this is all entirely expected bc i love twin peaks and theyre a very similar niche

I really really liked Madoka side story, but I watched yuki yuna and was really pleasantly surprised by it!

Free comment field for gushing about something that didn’t fit the other topics:

uhh watch lego monkie kid its like a magical girl show but about a boy

Keeping it to series i more or less saw this 2022 but i really wanna praise waccha primagi tho its more of an idol series than magical girl the magic is every present in the show and i love the great myamu sama the ending moved me to tears.

saint tail remaster bless discotek

Obsessed with the Shugo Chara Wonderland merch that released earlier this year.

Was fascinated how some of the dress up collection dresses made a comeback in the DeliPre series. For example when Kokone was shown wearing Rikka's blue gown.

Watching Vampire in the Garden (a non mahou show) has given me ideas for making a magical girl OC with clothes based on Imperial Russia. You can never have too many OCs!

all the merch and new content for the early-mid 2000's shows and manga has got me really excited! like, of course we got the Tokyo Mew Mew reboot, but there's been new merch and art for Shugo Chara, Mermaid Melody has that sequal series being released, and even Saint Tail has gotten some stuff. It makes me hopeful that other manga besides Mew Mew will also get the same love and attention!

power of friendship is the shit and somehow mg shows make it not cheesy but good good

The Mascots and Recipepes in Delicious Party Precure are so cute!! I also liked the addition of Rosemary and BlackPepper/Takumi.

Hmmm I really liked some magical girl webcomics I was reading, like Cloudy Wondrous and Captian Jellyfish

I love Takumi from DeliPaPre, he's such a dork and its very endearing how he tries to be a cool Tuxedo Mask type but sometimes forgets his Cool Guy persona bc "omg its yui" lol

Complaint time!

Gushing Over Magical Girls should be good. i like the designs but too horny for the age of everyone

Mew Mint's henshin was a major downgrade from the original

The adaptation of Magia Record was such a disappointment! It undid the happy ending of the game and killed of several characters for shock value!

I finally got around to watching all of Day Break Illusion and GOD it started out really cool and interesting, but than it decided to just get BAD bad a bit after the half way mark. Lots of missed potential.

WHY CAN'T WE GET ANY MAHOU MOBILE GAMES IN ENGLISH EVERY TIME I SEE GAME CHARACTERS ON MGOTD I WANT THEM BUT THEY'RE ALWAYS DISCONTINUED OR SOMETHING Also Miraculous Ladybug is a trainwreck

i watched a lot of older and darker mg shows this year and i really dont like the saturation of designs that exist now also there arent newer medium dark shows that ive heard its either for kids or everyone dies i like both but not as the only option

How easily I fall out of a Precure season. Delicious Party I think is the furthest I've ever gotten

yuis lack of a personality in delipre

The 4th cures design and general costume of delipre didnt really live up to the food theme.

Honestly I really hate how delicious party precure is pushing stress eating as a good thing.

Delicious Party Precure seemed to have TOO many themes at the same time and didn't feel as cohesive as other teams to me.

Hmm I tried watching some of the later entries in precure (tropical rouge and delipre) and I simply couldn’t get into any of them :/ I also tried watching flip flappers again and simply couldn’t get through it again -_- it was uncomfortable to watch

Mahou plans and hopes for 2023:

That the new precure series will be aesthetic af

I'm always excited for the next Precure!

im hoping this years precure has an angel theme and there will be more cyber inspired designs in general i find them fun and good for diversity also ive started the sailor moon anime i read the manga when i was a little kid but ive never watched it

To like the new season of precure and for Magilumere to keep going

Super excited for Hirogaru Sky!! And Mew New season 2

I hope the new precure season uses the duo formula again, and a more pastel color palette. Also looking forward to the new Sailor Moon movie!

I hope the next precure season is better than DeliParty, and I also hope for a Primagi season 2! Just more new original stories would be nice.

lesbians

new original series.

I'm really looking forward to Mahou Shoujo Magical Foghters and In/Spectre season 2!! Gonna watch those weekly!

Learn to take things off the backburner

God I wish I could design magical girls

Hopefully I’ll be able to get my current project going (webcomic)

More magical girl stuff in general, and less fighting among fans over ships and the grimdark vs. standard genres

Thanks to everyone who took part!

Raffle winners have been contacted. I’ll wait... let’s say a week in case people are busy doing something else over the holidays than browsing tumblr, and if there’s no response I’ll pick a different winner.

#blog stuff

[andsalttheearthbehindyou]

hiiiiiiiiii

ok im gonna rant for a little bit below if anyones interested about what ive been doing and where ive been these past months

soooo ive never been the type of person to see my future very clearly. ive never had long term motivations, goals, or desires. i had never thought of myself as such a listless person because i had such strong aspirations in reference to school and academia but that was it. i graduated highschool in 2020 and went straight to college, still not knowing what i wanted to do, just knowing that i wanted to be the best at whatever i did. i defined myself by my accomplishments and the speed at which i achieved them. i graduated a few months ago with my bachelors (in 2 years!!!!) and this was something i was so proud of myself for, but i felt so much inner turmoil because of it. and thats because i felt like id done all these things and i thought i wouldve figured out what id want to do by that point, but i still hadnt figured it out. 

im 21 now (celebrated my bday in january :) u all better leave me belated wishes below) and i know that im still young, but i felt so frustrated with the life i had led until now, the wasted efforts and useless skills. i felt like i had so much to offer but nowhere to apply and nothing to show for it. id also struggled with things like doing what i love but not being financially successful versus doing something that i know will make me financially successful and being a happy person because of that. 

i wont lament too much on my passion for publishing, because ultimately it came down to the fact that i dont think its smart to invest in a profession that likely wont result in me being successful in the way that i want to be. what i will harp on here is how happy and proud i am of myself for being brave enough to embark on my law school journey!! im going to law school!!! im so happy!!!!!! i promise (literal nervous anxiety tears streaming down my cheeks rn)!! i know that it is so much money and so much work, but i know that this is what i need to do to feel accomplished in life, to see the fruits of my labor and know that everything ive done hasnt been for naught. i studied for my lsat for months and months (main reason i was m.i.a.) and finally took it a few days ago. im gonna have to start applying to schools soon sighhh but im actually really excited to start despite all the stress i know its gonna cause me lol. im also going to have a summer break (something i havent had since high school) !!!!!!! im going to be alone and let myself rest and be happy. im going to cook and clean and read and write and do things i love before hunkering down and being a little recluse nerd again in school (something i also love!!!! such a huge part of my personal identity and something i love about myself is my ties to school/academia and being a student) 

if youve read this far, thank you for your interest in my life!?! im not always right in the head and when i last abandoned this blog (and the other one) i know that i was definitely off my rocker but ive been taking steps to recovering my mental health in that regard too. i wont talk much about that but im doing better. being offline, setting boundaries and giving myself goals helped  a lot. im also properly medicated lol.

anyway much love & thx for tolerating me

#tldr im going to law school and im feeling normal about it

[petscrub]

Long post incoming

I’ve really been struggling with identity for years now, probably since i was an early teen, and its all kinda coming together for me over the past year. Of course things arent perfect and i question myself a lot but i have such a better understanding of who i am now and what i like and want. Theres so much i see myself doing and being, i have to stop putting it off and just start. Im working on a novel right now and once its done i want to get it to an editor and publisher and i think, hopefully, that could really open up my career and provide me with opportunities i want to pursue like film and directing. It all feels very out of reach right now but i have a lot of faith in my book and it taking me somewhere. As for myself on different more personal level, i have a good understanding of how i wanna present myself to the world, and it feels really good to have that… i feel much more confident in my abilities and myself and looks and ideas. Im gonna shave my eyebrows thin soon (yes this is a big deal to me) and really embrace the look of 1920s/1930s with my own touches bc ive always, always wanted to look like that but was always too scared to do it. I feel i have a stronger sense of self and now is the time to do and wear and be what i want so i dont feel insecure about it at all. So its good timing! Unfortunately i do wanna grow my social media presence (🤮🤮) only because i know it can open up more opportunities for me, connections, jobs, friends, etc… so ive separated my art and self into two different accounts on inst*gram. I just like feeling organized you know? And i’d love to be able to make money from my art, do custom portraits and stuff, so i hope to grow my audience there. As well as grow my audience in other areas for fashion, photography, and storytelling. And when i have a good platform ill probably just merge the two or something. I hate branding with a passion but im really eager to get out of my financial and housing situation so i want to make money really badly and move out and find a better life. I think all in all i am an ambitious person who needs to be fulfilled not only by success but by the art of making things as well. And being creative. So im excited to get to work :)

[first-only]

How do you get over that 'what if I'm wrong' fear? (specifically with queer discourse, fiction discourse, and para/kink discourse)

I do get that fear a lot, and while I'm confident I'm not wrong in my opinions, I think the amount of anti [blanks] make me question myself

check your priorities - so what if youre wrong about some detail? about the whole thing? will the world end? are you more comfortable this way, and feel happier and more satisfied in your community and view of yourself? does it cause you more harm to believe this? is it actually affecting anyone what you believe and how? are you the bully in just existing in your convictions, or is the vocal opposition the ones who are tearing communities apart over personal opinions? even if the butterfly effect is real, is it your responsibility to kill off all butterflies in your country so there's no tornado on the other end of the world? would that not cause more ecological harm?

check your sources - the best way to disparage fear of being wrong is to confirm with facts that you're not. it's usually conviction that makes people comfortable, and the best type of convincing for someone so inclined, is with verified information. I personally look for sources from people and places ive already verified i can trust. i check new points of view and information with people who study the topic or are personally versed in it (i will once again point at fiction-is-not-reality2). Another very practical way is to look at sources from "both sides" so to say. For example, a study by Dolf Zillmann reports test subjects having increased levels of aggression after seeing violent media (abstract link, text link), while a study by Margot Kuttschreuter reports no correlation between violent media and aggressive behaviour (abstract link, text link). And now we need to look at those studies. Kuttschreuter's is a longitudal study (ie studying the phenomena over time, not in a single instance) and is conducted with 466 child participants, of roughly equal gender numbers, with outside contributing factors explicitly controlled for. Zillmann studied 63 male undergraduates of the same university, a single time, and with no control over aggression states before the experiment. Zillmann's study is from 1971, Kuttschreuter 's from 1992. Zillman is born in 1935 in Alabama, known for his anti-porn views, and publishes "studies" and articles of the sorts of "the effect of pornography on the nuclear family" (since we're talking abt being wrong lets check /this/ view a little bit - the nuclear family is a relatively new concept born by industrialization and capitalism, its revered status, despite its MANY downsides, children safety included, is primarily kept up by authoritarian politicians and religious leaders. why should something as old as humanity like pornography cede way in order to keep up this new-age community-destructive concept?). Kuttschreuter is a professor at the University of Twente in the Netherlands, specializes in psychology of conflict, risk and safety, and has been president of the Society for Risk Analysis Europe. And let's look at the studies' results too, whats the conclusions? Kuttschreuter concludes with no duality, that under controlled factors, "The hypothesis that television violence viewing leads to aggressive behaviour could not be supported". Zillman's study is written in more academic language, you can read it for yourself in the links, but his conclusion is basically "after consuming content that is exciting, test subjects show an elevated level of excitement". Groundbreaking, truly. You will note that this 'exciting' content isnt necessarily violent, and physiological excitement does not always transfer to aggressive behaviour, let alone long term. You need to look at what the objective results are and how the author presents them to you, what they want you to believe. So if you lose a game and get frustrated, does this make you an abuser? And is this only media related? What if you stub your toe and scream? Is this a predictor for abusive behaviour?

putting the cut here as its getting long but i do have more to say

and also putting under check your sources, i will add /check the arguments/. if one side's arguments are "your thoughts somehow influence people who dont even know you" and "fictional children have the same rights as real children" and the other side's are "bodily autonomy is a human right and behavioral autonomy is part of that" and "personal boundaries end where another person's begin" and "active targeted intentional tangible harm is not the same as having a hobby" then studies are sometimes not necessary to come to a coherent conclusion. A study on the difference between a fictional character and a child would be interesting tho. "we tried to conduct an experiment on sasuke uchiha but he was not found for comment" jkfsjf

3. build an internal solid system of belief - i think this is of critical importance and a lot of 'proshippers' havent done it either. That means believing on foundational level the concept that builds other convictions. For example if your belief system says that harm is the only measure of morality, and active targeted intentional tangible harm is the only measurable indicator for harm then believing thought crimes would be irrational for you. That means yes, incest fic and underage shipping are effectively harmless. But that also means that 'racism against fictional characters' is also effectively harmless. This seems to be a point of particular content thats why i mention it. And if your belief system says that artists and authors are free to express themselves and share their stories as they see fit, then yes absolutely fan artists should not be held accountable for what they fancy. But so shouldnt popular and published authors, for daring to put a hot woman in their video game.

4. honestly, most importantly. Learn a little bit of hedonism. Learn some i dont give a fuck. Learn some i live for myself and my own comfort will not be sacrificed for someone else's. My body and mind are my own to with as i please. - Listen. I'm a smoker. There's endless, cohesive, correct, factual research on the harm of smoking. I dont care. This is my body and these are my rights to destroy it. I dont care about concern trolling or people trying to tell me it makes /them/ uncomfortable how i treat myself. The government doesnt have rights to tell me no, so no one else does (and if the govt did have those rights then the people wouldnt take it - prohibition era america for reference). Even /if/ fiction had an averse effect. Even /if/ it did affect everybody else. This is their responsibility. In the same way i will smoke in allowed places in public, i will keep posting my fic and art. It's other people's responsibility to not see me as cool as fuck while smoking and taking it up too. It's their own right to do or not to do. If someone has an averse reaction to smoke they sit in the non-smokers section. If someone has a bad reaction to fic, they filter tags. Even if fic "rotted the brain", cigarettes do so at twice the speed and damage. And i smoke unfiltered cigarillos. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what i put in my body and brain is my business. what other people want to see and do about it is theirs. meddling into my business is where the line is.

#ask #at the end of the day we are our own zookepeers #and even medial professionals do not have rights on your body and mind #i feel like i should point out that most juridical systems are fully in line with what i said #do no harm and you're free #thats why abortion laws prioritize the 'rights' of a 'fetus' #bc w no other person's rights infringed you dont get to tell people what to do #*medical professionals

[mindthedocent]

22, 26, 39

hello hello!!! a treat for me 3 questions!!!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

organization whats that!!!!! i keep all my ideas on a little post-it note in my brain, and then i never write them! the rymin oneshot list grows daily but i rarely put things down on paper.

i used to work in the notes app but i found that.......not so good when i actually started writing longer stuff? so i work in docs now but pretty much the organization is nonexistent. i have a different doc for each work, i have different docs for each chapter of gage, and i have one MASSIVE doc for all my poetry, songs, and ideas for more of those things.

so yeah! pretty much all i got is "my works are in separate documents, except for all the fucking poetry"

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

its hard sometimes! i think what helps me the most is revisiting the source material, or thinking about how characters reacted to things in specific situations. its a little easier when you kind of have a running list of a character's interesting traits

you know. min is easy because his traits are "me but more pent-up". ryan is harder but he DOES appear to be outgoing but emotionally suppressed, and while explosive and impulsive, he is also quick to placate.

anyway. when i feel like i veer too far from what a character might do naturally, i try to steer myself back to what i know about them

idk. its not hard for me to get out of a character's head. its like im there and im gone. head empty, binch! no lasting effects here!

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

the knowledge that i can come back to it.

really! i try not to stress myself out about deadlines, about completion, or anything like that. i take breaks from writing. i take LONG breaks. i let myself forget where i was going. i let myself take time to breathe, to gain new experiences, to watch new shows or watch old shows, go to the park, read some fanfic, talk to friends.

and then when i feel ready, i come back to it.

this is newer for me. BUT! i have to tell you, that since ive stopped treating it like something i Must do, ive done more writing in the last year and a half than i can ever remember doing before. yeah a lot of it isnt published. a lot of it is just making up AUs with friends that will never see the light of day. thats an important part of it too! if you dont make it a chore its never gonna feel like one.

this year has been really hard for me. its been one of the busiest and most stressful years ive ever had. but thats never stopped me from wanting to write; its only delayed me

#its 2 am now thank you so much for these questions!!!! i have one more in my inbox but i gotta get to sleep now #thank you thank you so much!!!!