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machiroads · 5 months

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Machi's 2023 Year In Review

'23 was a bit of a wild one. A toast to the last twelve months (both in fandom and IRL) under the cut.

Fic

Here's what went out the door in '23:

Naruhata Noir

I started posting NN in December '22, about a month after finishing 9L. At one point last year I joked about finishing the entire thing in the week between Christmas and New years. Evidently, this did not happen for a variety of reasons:

A) A series of events occurring in my personal life that do not merit further detail that I will herein refer to as "the conga line of nonsense". That kicked off during last year's holiday season and bled into like...May. Which leads directly into:

B) Tears of the Kingdom came out. And;

C) A general loss of motivation in the project.

During the aforementioned Conga Line of Nonsense, I had a goal of finishing before TotK came out, but I only managed to cobble together another 4 chapters between January and May. After somehow managing weekly to biweekly chapters for 9L, NN was much more sporadic, and at one point I had people asking me if I was still alive. Which. sucked, since I generally strive to be a somewhat reliable person.

Once the TotK hyperfixation hit, I managed maaaaaaybe another 2 chapters before I finally got bored of grinding monsters to upgrade outfits. I did manage to meet the third self-imposed deadline of finishing before going to Japan for 2 weeks, so at least that's one W.

In addition to the distractions of Life, NN was more challenging to write for a few main reasons:

Aizawa is not the narrator. Look, I'm mature enough to acknowledge that he is Blorbo From My Shows, and everything I write wants to revolve around him. Taking a step back from that and trying to get into another character's head after spending 8 solid months on 9L was an adjustment. It took me a bit of time to find Shinsou's voice.

Most of the relationship dynamics in this fic are non-canonical, and pulled directly out of my ass. Shinsou's relationships with the Hottas are central to the back half of the fic, and his relationship with Mirko also becomes prominent at times. NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE EVER INTERACTED IN REAL LIFE I'M JUST SMASHING DOLLS TOGETHER LIKE I DID AS A 7 YEAR OLD.

Trying to parallel something I already wrote several months ago is hard. I wanted NN to make sense on its own, but also follow the relevant bits from 9L. This was next to impossible to accomplish without sounding clunky. Almost from the very beginning of the fic, the outsider's perspective of Aizawa's first steps, I felt the urge to change the dialogue because the story that I wanted to tell from Shinsou's perspective was different from the one I wanted to tell from Aizawa's perspective. I locked myself into that rigidity for a while, until I finally decided just to say fuck it at the end and modify the 9L dialogue slightly because the story had taken on a life of its own.

Erasermic took a major backseat in this one, but I still needed to scratch the itch, and I think that's why I ended up writing 2 emic one shots in between chapters.

I don't think a direct parallel spin-off is something I would try writing again, and the fic was probably a lot longer than it needed to be, but at the end of the day, I'm satisfied with the way it turned out, and I'm happy I was actually able to finish it this year.

Here's a collage of my inspo for Aizawa's apartment cobbled together from google maps and japanese real estate websites.

Being No One, Going Nowhere

The first of the 3 one shots that I put out this year, and a proof of concept that I can slap together 3k in a day and a half fever dream and call it a fic.

This one in particular was instigated by one of @o0fyuu0o's tweets that refused to leave me alone. And maybe also the two broken arms story from reddit, but you know, like, less incesty.

Mic was extremely pathetic in this one, which is immensely fun to write. Just a pathetic little meow meow. Sopping wet cat of a man.

College AU was fun to write, emboldened in part by @kyurilin's fic Stray. After being married to canon-verse for both 9L and NN, this was an exercise in just making shit up, and also living vicariously through the memories of the house I lived in for the better part of 2 years as an undergrad. I graduated 7 years ago and it is still crystallized in my memory.

A Tumultuous Sea, You and Me

I've been nursing a healthy crush on Pirate!Aizawa (or Paizawa, as the kids on JP Twit call him) since the Volume 35 character page came out in June '22. Paizawa even killed a 2 year long art block, that's how powerful he is. (Look!)

I do not remember what exactly spurned this one on, but it also got written in the span of about 2 days. I think I reread The Art of Drowning at some point this year, but I do not remember if it was during the writing frenzy, or sometime before it.

Aizawa gets to hold the meow meow card again in this one. His 2 sentence rivalry with Vlad is one of the best things I've ever written.

Of the 2 days I spent writing this, I probably spent 75% of that researching pirate ships. I used almost none of it, and have forgotten almost all of it by this point.

I feel like everyone that dips their toes into the realm of merpeople has a different interpretation on it, but I wanted to spend approximately 0 minutes on worldbuilding, so it's just kind of a chill coexistence between the pirates and the mermaids in this one lol. People were intrigued by said "worldbuilding" however and wanted more, but I think I've scratched the mer-pirate itch for now haha.

1966 Ford Nutstang GT350 Shelby

@kyurilin made a tumblr post that misspelled "mustang" as "nustang" and I skim-read it and saw "nutstang" and was like "you know what would be a terribad nickname for the car? Nutstang." At which point I immediately informed her, which led down the rabbit hole of a very loose RP (as it often does) and I decided YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULD JUST TURN THIS INTO A CRACK FIC.

At which point I had to sort of construct a loose plot around the entire bonkers concept. Nemuri held a key role in the pseudo-RP, but I ended up wanting to keep the fic tight and her role was mostly cut. But rest assured she is there in spirit, though, judging.

The plush nutsack is just a bastardization of a kangaroo ballsack coinpurse I saw in a Crap Souvenirs From Around The World calendar I had many years back that has imprinted on my memory. At no point did I seek out visual reference for it, and neither should you. It is up to the reader's imagination.

On the topic of bastardizations, the reappearing nutsack plotline is borrowed from the drawfee gnome saga.

Mic yelling GOOD MORNING and Aizawa banging his head on the underside of his desk is S tier slapstick.

PEOPLE MADE ART????

Some wonderful listeners readers are still making art for 9L, and we have been blessed with two beautiful new pieces this year:

Mic and Eri's selfie, from @kaleidoscopedrawsjpg

The Only One Bed scene, from @guiltyfixations

@obsessed-dragon also drew the photo of Shinsou holding Miso from Naruhata Noir, and Black Spider Eyes drew Aizawa dangling out the window from Tumultuous Sea.

Every time a piece of art drops on my dash, or I see my fic being recommended to other people, my brain does a lil short circuit and I have to go get up and walk around for a bit. I'm not sure words can express how much it means to me that people have enjoyed my writing enough to recommend it to other people, or sit down and create something of their own based off of it. It's humbling, and I'm truly grateful for every kind word or "sketch I should have maybe spent a little longer on" hahaha

Stats!

Look, I'm an engineer. I can't resist the thrall of Microsoft Excel. So here's A Chart.

I value Bookmarks the highest of all the stats that AO3 spits out. Views are pointless (skewed higher in the context of multi-chap fics). Kudos are an indicator of how many people read and liked enough to leave a kudos, but bookmarks are my indicator of how many people liked it enough to keep it around to read again, or recommend to others.

The bookmark-to-kudos ratio is (in my unscientific opinion) a measure of how many people loved the work vs how many people just liked it.

From the chart above, we can propose the following conclusions:

9L is still, far and away, the most popular, and most well-loved thing I've ever written. I'm fine with that.

The Nutstang fic was a certified cult classic, with a bookmark-to-kudos ratio of almost 0.3, second to only 9L.

NN is at a respectable ratio of 0.24 (middle of the pack), but in terms of number of kudos, is not that far ahead the mer-pirate fic. NN was not tagged as erasermic, so I do think this checks out in terms of sheer exposure.

Still Cooking:

FFXII AU

I started this one in March during the conga line of personal life nonsense. I somehow lured in Robbirdthe8th and @o0fyuu0o and @obsessed-dragon and got a solid month of drafting done before I was like "maybe I should work on NN again" and then it sat dormant until like. October.

It's up to almost 30k across 3 partially written chapters already, and I outlined 9 chapters. It is almost certainly overambitious, and I will almost certainly run into the same motivation issue I had with NN because it's a rooftop 4 fic and not just erasermic, and it has a demographic of approximately four people as an AU of a game that came out in uh........2006.

I thought I'd get at least some of it out in '23 but I'm taking it easy and just writing when inspiration strikes at the moment.

Fortuneteller AU

I started this one maybe a week-ish ago, in my quest for a pitch for the erasermic zine (surprise! they haven't made official announcements yet, but I'll be in it. this is an easter egg for those of you who made it this far). It's going to end up far too long for the 3k word limit for that, so I'm just co-opting it for another one-shot. Taisho era urban fantasy dabbling in some Violet Evergarden/FMA-esque post-war themes. Mic with pince nez. Aizawa in hakama. Gratuitous amateur tarot. It has gripped me by the throat.

More from the Nine Lives Extended Universe (canon-willing)

I've got 3 more spin-offs to 9L simmering, just waiting for canon to figure out its business. These are:

When The Battle's Lost and Won

A final battle post-mortem in 4 parts (if 3baka all make it out alive that is). Every few chapters of canon that come out, something gets added or tossed. Extremely fluid at this point, but there are some good quality blurbs and bullet points in there.

Kintsugi

The erasermic epilogue to 9L, from Mic's perspective. An exploration of their relationship beyond the final battle, with an overarching theme that I've borrowed from a Dorktown documentary on former Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Dave Stieb: Not at all, and then all at once.

This one's just pure body worship, punctuated by an extremely casual marriage proposal. A lot of people still comment on 9L like "THIS CAN'T BE IT, WHERE'S THE REST OF IT?", so I hope this will satisfy those looking for some closure from a relatively open ending.

The Way of the Househero

With the impending graduation of the hell class, and a body that doesn't quite move the way it used to, Aizawa has a bit of an existential crisis and semi-retires so he can be a full-time parent to Eri while figuring out what's next for him. Mostly slice of life. No real plot to this one yet, mostly just vignettes. Aizawa finally gets cats of his own, makes mom friends, and becomes more of a knife slut (only its in the kitchen now instead of on the streets).

IRL

Painting

Every room in my home is painted some sort of bland pastel, and this year we managed to purge pastels from four rooms: my home office, our living room / dining room, and our bedroom. I am enormously pleased with how each of these have turned out.

Gardening

We moved to this house in January '22, and last year was mostly seeing what came up in the garden. This year we cleared out a lot of the decorative shrubs in our backyard (turns out you can hock shrubs on facebook marketplace), and planted a veggie garden. The extent of my gardening experience prior to this year was mowing the lawn as a teenager, so this year was a continuous learning experience, and likely will be for many more years to come.

We had some big wins (potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, cherries, squash, dear god the squash), and some losses (apples that were infested with tent caterpillars, arugula that bolted, and lettuce that got eaten by bunnies to name a few).

In addition to veggies, we also did a lot of general cleanup around the rest of the yard, including clearing out some invasive species and thinning out some partially dead shrubs. We mostly let the yard do its own thing last year, and the previous owner of our home died about 6 months before we moved in, so it was probably neglected for a while. I cut out a blackberry cane that was as long as our driveway. I bought a wood chipper and a compost aerator and am learning the art and science of turning yard trash into yard treasure. (I have not peed on my compost pile yet, as recommended by /r/composting. Maybe some day.)

I also adopted a clipping from my sister-in-law's monstera, which has done quite well (except for the parts my cat has taken a mild interest in nibbling on from time to time)

Travel

Probably too much travel this year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3 Weddings (4 if you count the one in December '22 that's included in the Conga Line of Nonsense). Got covid at 2 of them. Invited to a fifth next year. Wishing everyone of marriageable age I know IRL a very elope

Trips for work to Winnipeg and Calgary (to which I have never been before, but are both underwhelming). Also got to fly on a floatplane for the first time, which is noisy, but the views are unbeatable

I turned 30 this year, and after the Conga Line of Nonsense, I said fuck it, we're going back to Japan for my birthday. 2 weeks, 8 cities. L: Shimanami Kaido cycle (still somehow 30 degrees in September x full sun x forgot sunscreen x 80km = pain) (my husband has proofread this and insists that this is not an L but agree to disagree) W: Hokkaido (beautiful scenery, incredible food, not 30 degrees in September lmao)

Anyways

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, and thanks for your love in '23. I hope to provide you with more of the same nonsense in '24. Let me know if you want a spinoff cats + gardening + DIY blog, since that's just my life now. Happy new year 🍾

#Machiwrites #long boi under the cut

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tymime · 1 year

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Lola Bunny in the comic books

I’ve discussed at length my views and opinions about Lola Bunny before (https://tymime.tumblr.com/post/174484746321/lola-bunny-is-one-of-animations-more), but something I’ve been wanting to really dive into was her sporadic appearances in DC’s Looney Tunes comic book series in the late ‘90s and early 2000s.

I think these are the most overlooked and underrated depictions of Lola ever, and actually very much key to understanding her personality, history, and potential. The trouble is, I’ve been waiting many years for someone to scan all the issues with her in it. But back in the day, I had issue #92, and when I read the Lola story within, I didn’t even blink. The basic premise of most of her stories is a weird one, but it somehow works. Her job is to deliver pizza. But she delivers pizza to gods, monsters, and other supernatural beings, traversing dangerous landscapes, fighting off viscious wild animals, and generally taking care of business. So like, when I was 13, it didn’t even occur to me that this was at all unusual. Of course she’s a kick-butt action girl. Why wouldn’t she be? What else would she be? I had seen Xena. I watched cartoons with strong female leads. I didn’t even have to think about it. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that Lola could be more than a sports-obsessed, one-dimensional teen fantasy. It actually baffles me when I see anyone suggest otherwise, like the director for Space Jam: A New Legacy did. As if she wasn’t always the tough, proactive, heroic type. Of course Lola is an Amazonian warrior.

But let’s actually look at her first appearance in the comics, after the Space Jam graphic novel, in issue #60, 1999 (why it took three years for this to happen I can’t guess).

Right off the bat, we see Lola fighting off a jaguar with a machete and a board with a nail in it. The narration implies that a woman would do a better job at exploring and surviving the South American rainforest than a man could. I’m all here for it. It’s also an obvious parody of Tomb Raider and Lara Croft- probably because of the similarity between their figures, which for some reason people wouldn’t stop talking about for about two decades. While I haven’t played those games myself, I’m sure there’s much more to it than that, and it’s kind of a relief that we’re finally over it.

Something that these comics do well is give Lola additional quirks and traits. This first story does it straight away:

Apparently Lola has no sympathy for panhandlers. I’m not sure how I feel about that, since that sort of attitude often extends into dismissing homeless people who can’t get jobs for one reason or another, but hopefully Lola isn’t as black-and-white about the issue as she seems here.

At first it seems like a straightforward parody of temple-raiding adventures, à la Indiana Jones and even Ray Harryhausen movies, but then comes the twist:

Nearly all these stories follow a similar format- Lola has to deal with nasty aggressive demons and beasts to deliver a pizza from Machu Pizza (get it?), and she doesn’t break a sweat. I’m not sure how the writers (kudos to Sean Carolan and Jennifer Moore) came up with the idea, but it’s incredibly original and inspired and I’m glad they ran away with it.

Her next appearance in issue #71 is unfortunately a bit of a step backward, seen here portraying a parody of Daphne from Scooby-Doo, but I suppose there wasn’t anybody else available.

Luckily she goes right back to pizza delivery soon afterward in issue #76 (albeit nearly two years after the first time).

Apparently Lola’s mother was a fan of a ‘70s soul/disco singer named Vicki Sue Robinson. It’s weird randomness like this that makes these comics special, I think.

Another aspect about this depiction of Lola is that she shows just as much sharp wit, quick thinking, and cleverness that any good trickster should have- just like Bugs. And yet, she’s not just a carbon copy of Bugs, as it should be.

We also get a glimpse of Lola’s past in issue #80:

Apparently she’s a Beatles fan, which is always cool.

As I said, I had issue #92, completely out of context, but I caught on to the premise immediately nonetheless.

Here we learn that Lola is actually part of some legendary lineage, which prevents the gods from starting a war with each other. Sounds like a pretty big deal. Lola is fed up with all this nonsense, so she quits her job and starts working at a clothing store. I think this exchange speaks for itself:

Eventually, however, she gets bored of nothing happening, and nobody else can deal with the mythical creatures like she can, so she returns to Machu Pizza with newfound confidence.

I think this is great stuff. She doesn’t put up with any guff.

Unfortunately, that’s the last of the pizza delivery stories, and it’s a shame there are so few of them, because it’s quite possibly the best material Lola ever had. I think more than anything it represents Lola at her fullest, and shows how much potential she has to be a regular character, instead of someone who just shows up every now and then, only to be reinterpreted once again.

Lola also wouldn’t make another proper appearance until 2011 in issue #203, only making background cameos in the meantime. This story- which is all about roller derby- is a bit underwhelming in comparison to her older comics. Sure, her sportiness comes into play for the first time since Space Jam (weirdly enough, considering that’s what she’s best known for), but she doesn’t get to do very much. There are good moments, though:

I’m into it. (The first panel implies Bugs and Lola knew each other in junior high/middle school, which is an interesting tidbit. It contradicts how they’ve never seen each other before in Space Jam, but Looney Tunes has never been much for continuity anyway.)

And that’s it for stories focused on Lola. From then on, her appearances are brief and insubstantial. In issue #220, she’s only in a few panels as an angry police chief.

In 2017, she appears in a Star Trek parody in issue #239, playing the Lt. Uhura part, and is essentially just as limited.

In 2019, she returns as a basketball player, and still doesn’t do much. They’re obviously trying to make her look more like she does in Space Jam, but no attempt is made to make her a main character.

Her most recent cameo is in 2023’s issue #269, which suggests that she won an award for journalism of all things.

And that’s it. Outside of Space Jam: A New Legacy and its graphic novel adaptation, there really hasn’t been very much OG Lola Bunny media at all.

In fact, the largest amount of screentime Lola ever gets is in Baby Looney Tunes of all things. That’ll be another blog for another time, when I finally finish watching that series, and it probably won’t be very long.

Other than that, Lola appears in three video games: Bugs Bunny & Lola Bunny: Operation Carrot Patch (the only time her name was in the title), Looney Tunes Racing (where they actually ramp up the whole “girl power” thing to Nth degree), and Looney Tunes: Space Race. She has minor roles in the webtoon Dating Do’s and Don’ts, and in Tweety's High-Flying Adventure. She has one cameo, and two featured episodes in New Looney Tunes- and only one of ‘em portrays her as smart trickster. She’s a main character in Bugs Bunny Builders, but her personality’s been reduced to a generic perky girl, although they at least refrain from making her stupid again. I actually like this show, though.

So why is this? Why do people struggle with writing for Lola anyway? It doesn’t seem so hard. The whole trouble is almost everybody seems to have a different perspective of the character, and I can’t figure out why. It seems pretty straightforward to me- she’s good at sports, she’s smart, she’s strong-willed, and doesn’t like being pushed around or not taken seriously. This is a personality type that’s been done before, in every genre. So what’s the deal with Lola? Why do people think she’s terrible or needs “fixing”? It doesn’t help that most of these comics are long out of print, hard to collect, and they’re not given much attention in the first place. They seem to be best known for starting Dave Alvarez’s career in Looney Tunes projects.

I suspect there’s not only a big wad of sexism involved, but also a general resentment towards Space Jam in general. The whole “how do you do fellow kids” aspect of that movie has dated it, I’ll admit, and I never took the whole hip-hop Looney Tunes thing that was going in the late ‘90s very seriously, even when I was a kid.

But that shouldn’t mean Lola should be dragged into it. Sure, the way they handle the character isn’t flawless- she literally comes out of nowhere, with hardly any proper introduction at all. We have no idea who she is or where she came from in the movie, and we probably never will. Her independent, self-reliant traits are a bit undermined when Bugs has to come to her rescue, briefly turning her into a damsel-in-distress. It’s not perfect, but then again, I’m not sure how else Bugs was going to become her boyfriend in the screen time available.

Why this makes people hate her or even see her as sexist, I can’t imagine.

She’s also one of the newest Looney Tunes characters. There hadn’t been a new character groomed for stardom since Cool Cat and his ilk, in the late ‘60s. I’m sure to some people she seemed like an intrusive wannabe. Why she gets picked on instead of even newer characters like Claudette Dupri from New Looney Tunes, or even the Nerdlucks from the same movie (who are even more underused), I can’t guess. So maybe it’s just sexism after all.

Opinions about Lola vary wildly. So what’s the deal? Well, let’s examine the most negative views of her: Is she a oversexualized pin-up? While there’s obviously some degree of sexualization in the way the artists designed her curvy, semi-hourglass figure, this is just falling into the “fictional women aren’t allowed to be sexy” trap that men who pretend to be feminists often do. On the other hand, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to make ALL female cartoon characters bombshells and eye candy. But hey, why not use Petunia Pig, Granny, Miss Prissy, or even the She-Devil to balance things out? Why not come up with solutions instead of complaining about it?

Is she a stereotypical “girl power” sporty type? Is this even a thing? Why would anyone want to undermine positive female role models? There’s a disturbing trend recently of people wanting to criticize the whole “action princess” thing, and I can’t understand why. Seems dangerous to me. Sounds like more fake feminism if you ask me. (I’m a guy though, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.)

Is the ditzy, dumb blonde version an improvement? Why is this even a question?? I don’t know how making her a complete airhead is supposed to be “less sexist”. It’s like opposite-day logic. And no, we shouldn’t mix in the “wackiness” of the LTS version with her original version. She doesn’t need it. God no.

So there you have it. If it were up to me, I’d be making cartoons starring Lola with this exact same premise. Hopefully this blog will spread some awareness of Lola’s best work. If you wanna track down these comics, here’s a list of all the best ones: #60, #76, #80, #84, #88, #92, #117, and #203.

#lola bunny #looney tunes #space jam #bugs bunny #space jam a new legacy #toon #cartoon #animation #unpopular opinion #apparently

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greatwyrmgold · 2 years

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Can superhero film series work?

This is not clickbait. At least, mostly not.

Overly Sarcastic Productions recently-ish released two videos about Superman. (The first is from July and is ~99 minutes long; the second is from Friday and is ~61 minutes long.) The second video is more relevant to this post; its thesis is, essentially, that superheroes need to rescue people instead of just fighting villains, a thesis I agree to with some caveats (not all of which were explicitly stated in the video, sadly).

A comment on that video got me to thinking about pacing and structure, and made me wonder whether superhero film series can work.

Now for the bit where I question whether my one-clause title was, in fact, clickbait.

Caveat #1: What's a superhero?

Not all "superheroes" need to fit in the model Red describes. Heroes in superhero media ranging from Dreadnought to Megamind to Hancock to One Punch Man to Worm are rarely seen rescuing people, and that works with how those sorts of stories conceptualize superheroes. But most superheroes aren't trying to be Worm, which is a good thing.

So for the purpose of this post, when I say "superhero" I mean "classic superheroes," who I categorize by that famed biologist's method. You'll see classic superheroes in the general memespace occupied by most big Marvel/DC heroes, The Incredibles, My Hero Academia('s main cast), Invincible*, Ben 10, Sentinels of the Multiverse, Spinnerette, that one terrible Disney movie most notable for a video essay about it, etc.

*Say what you will about Omni-Man, his son's trying to be Superman.

Caveat #2: What's a film series?

I'm focusing here on three related types of media—standalone movies, film series, and TV-style serials—because I think this problem only exists with one of them. (Which is, sadly, the dominant way superhero stories are being distributed these days.) For the purpose of this post:

Movies are single-installment narratives, generally 90-120 minutes in length, created without intending to follow them up with anything. The Incredibles are probably the clearest example, though plenty of pre-MCU superhero film trilogies started out this way. If I say "movie," I'm referring to standalone movies.

A film series is a bunch of movies meant to tie together, each with their own internal narrative, but also building into a larger narrative. Individual film series are released sporadically, months or years apart. By far the most obvious and successful example would be the MCU. For brevity, I'll use "film" to refer to this kind of film series.

A TV-style serial releases batches of much shorter episodes (usually 20-30 minutes each, sometimes 50-60 or some other length), sometimes all at once but more often weekly for a few months at a time. These batches are called "seasons," and usually last 10-15 or 20-30 episodes. Each episode has its own more or less self-contained plot, seasons usually have some kind of character and/or plot arc tying them together, and a series as a whole probably has something linking different seasons together beyond character names. This format was designed for TV, but these days lots of serials are produced for streaming platforms, and might not get any broadcast release. For brevity, I'm calling these "serials," even though that technically applies to film series and a bunch of other serial media.

TL;DR: The Incredibles is a movie, the MCU is films, Invincible is a serial.

I realize there's a lot of gray areas. The MCU includes a lot of serials in addition to the films, the DC universe has a bunch of loosely-linked animated movies, and I've mentioned more superhero stories with installments/versions in non-audiovisual mediums than ones which have only seen movies, films, and serials (as defined above).

But I'm not talking about all superhero stories, every way they can be structured, in every format. I'm talking about film series, and I'm using movies and serials as points of contrast.

Caveat #3: Let's not question OSP

To summarize OSP's thesis: Superheroes (as defined in caveat 1) need scenes where they save people from mundane peril to feel heroic. Superheroes are supposed to exist to save people, not just to fight villains.

If you disagree with these premises, if you think it's dumb for superpowered people to waste their time saving people from fires or industrial accidents or whatever, I'm not gonna argue. That's an argument about the philosophical nature of superheroism, which boils down to an argument over how "superhero" should be defined. I don't want to get involved in that kind of debate.

Instead: Starting with these caveats, let me get onto...

The Point

Story Structure

I'll be brief.

Stories have structure, and often recognizable structures. There are two big forces which drive stories to have the structures we recognize, or at least two I'll be discussing: The need for stories to tell a complete story, and time constraints.

Stories need to tell a complete story. The reason a lot of MCU knockoffs flopped as hard as they did is the amount of time they wasted on setups for future movies. MCU movies were reasonably restrained; each movie (or at least the movies I saw) did a pretty good job of telling a self-contained story, even as it built up to future movies. MCU knockoffs wanted to play catch-up, wanted to release their Avengers with as few introductory movies as possible.

But stories only have so much time to tell a story, and that time is very restricted in the mediums being analyzed here. Distributors don't really like movies and films more than 120-150 minutes long, because they either can't play as many times, require the theater to stay open longer, or both. And of course, serials have their episode lengths limited by broadcast schedules. In theory, streaming should give more runtime flexibility, but not many people have taken advantage of those possibilities so far.

In movies, the need to tell a complete story and the fairly strict runtime limitations have lead to a fairly strict structure known as the three-act formula; it's so ubiquitous that most films which try to avoid it end up reconstructing a form of the three-act structure, just to tell their whole story in one go.

Of course, films and serials operate on two different structural levels. Each film or episode needs to feel like a satisfying self-contained story, or at least a satisfying story fragment which went somewhere. An installment where it feels like nothing happened is often derisively called "padding" or "filler," because it is perceived to have added little to the series except runtime. You do not want your series to have filler if you can avoid it.

TL;DR: Every story, and every portion of a story released individually, needs to be structured in such a way that it tells its own story.

Where do we put the flood?

Consider the above point, and Caveat #3. Stories need to have structure, superheroes need to save people, and superhero stories only have so much time.

There's a well-established formula for movies. You put the disasters, petty crimes, and so forth late in act 1 or early in act 2, or maybe early in act 1 if your protagonist is an established superhero. This lets your hero earn their "superhero cred," and in the likely event that your protagonist isn't an established superhero, gives them a chance to establish themselves.

Movies don't need much. If you have around 100 minutes of movie, one 12-minute sequence where your hero discovers a burning building, finds people inside, and saves them is roughly an eighth of the movie. That's significant!

But that sequence won't cut it for a longer narrative. For a 12-episode serial with 22-minute episodes, the above sequence is less than 5% of the serial's runtime. Luckily, however, the serial structure makes it easy to work in multiple places where the superhero saves people, largely unrelated to the overarching seasonal plot.

You can have entire episodes focused on individual character conflicts, like the Hero and the Lancer having a pissing contest, or the Big Guy having a crisis of faith, or romantic bullshit, or whatever. At least some of these character-driven episodes should advance the overarching plot, but you can also have a couple which focus on more day-to-day heroism without losing too much—you just need the character conflict to go somewhere, and that can be the complete story you so desperately need.

Film series can't really do either.

The Problem with Superhero Film Series

Films are isolated in a way serial episodes aren't. It's easy to convince an audience to watch the first half of a two-part story if the second part is coming next week! It's hard to convince them to do the same if the parts are separated by a year. It worked for Infinity War/Endgame, but A. the end of Avengers: Infinity War was pretty definitive for a "part 1" and B. it's the culmination of a decade of genre-defining films.

And the year-long turnaround time is fairly short for film series. The MCU has been producing about three films per year, but I doubt anyone would argue that Avengers: Age of Ultron is the sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy just because they're next to each other in Wikipedia's list of MCU films. The sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy is Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2, which released ~2.5 years later. 2-3 years seems like the typical game between releases within MCU sub-series, and the DCEU seems to have a similar rhythm.

Anyways, whether one year or three, each film has immense pressure to tell the best self-contained story it can. (Assuming the studio heads are applying sensible pressures and not trying to do an Any% Cinematic Universe Speedrun.) That means it's easy to replace "filler" scenes where your hero stops a bank robbery or rescues people from a...volcano or something (I'm running out of natural disasters) with something relevant to the plot of this story.

From the perspective of the individual film, this is a good thing! Spending a full sequence on, essentially, just reminding the audience that Superman is a superhero is a waste of your limited time. At the very least, you should tie that rescue into the plot somehow; maybe the bank robbers have information on the Big Bad, or the volcano is part of their evil scheme. It would probably be less contrived if you just throw out the rescue angle entirely, though.

From the perspective of the film series, this is a disaster! The net effect is that superheroes in these film series only rescue people from non-supervillain-related situations when they still need to earn "superhero cred," generally when they're fresh and inexperienced. This is exactly what Red meant when she said heroes "graduate" from saving people to fighting villains. Saving people stops being the point of superheroism, and instead becomes its final exam.

Maybe I'm being pessimistic, but I don't see a solution within the "film series" model. As long as film series are big individual segments, with each segment being released months or years after the last, those segments need to stand on their own. As long as films are being optimized for their standalone quality, there'll be incentives to cut the ordinary rescues from most films. As long as such incentives are there, superheroes will focus on the spectacular supervillain brawls at the expense of heroism.

In Summary

Stories are shaped by their structure, structures are shaped by medium and release format. Superhero stories these days are often lacking in "mundane" heroics like stopping muggers, rescuing trapped miners, and destroying meteors before they hit the Earth. In film series like the All-Consuming MCU, the release format discourages writers from including those scenes.

I'm obviously not saying superheroes can't work, or even that superhero movies can't work. Heck, even "superhero" film series can work, if they're not trying to be classical superheroes. But the MCU (and most other big-budget superhero films) are trying to be classical superheroes, and because they're film series, they're discouraged from letting their superheroes be heroes.

Now, this problem isn't unique to superhero films. The Teen Titans (2003) were more likely to frame their character-development episodes around petty one-shot supervillains (or fighting, say, Plasmus again) than rescuing people from a natural disaster. But on a fundamental level, nothing about Teen Titans (2003) would need to change if they fought fire instead of Fang.

I'm not sure there's any such solution for film series, without structuring them more like standalone movies or TV serials.

Postscript

Thank you, [NAME REDACTED], for inspiring me to write this.

#meta #superheroes #film series #overly sarcastic productions

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deliciouspeachpirate · 1 year

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I posted 1,194 times in 2022

12 posts created (1%)

1,182 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@carryingthebanner

@mysandwichranaway

@cold-butter-warm-toast

@hotcocoandmarshmallows

@shippingcannons

I tagged 554 of my posts in 2022

#newsies - 144 posts

#jack kelly - 52 posts

#newsies shitpost - 38 posts

#davey jacobs - 34 posts

#percy jackson - 26 posts

#lord of the rings - 22 posts

#important - 22 posts

#newsies fanart - 21 posts

#fansies - 21 posts

#tumblr culture - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i’m currently in a room with 11 other people who are presumably asleep and will be for another hour and a half so i can’t listen to it now

My Top Posts in 2022:

This is a tumblr hug, or a tumblr high five, or a tumblr sitting in the same room together, pass it on to your ten favorite followers or mutuals <3

AYYYYYY THANK YOU BESTIE! Right back at you! I saw your other ask too, you're so sweet <3

1 note - Posted August 10, 2022

crash

2 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Ok now I'm curious to see which newsie you associate ME with

Okay so I went to look through your blog and the very first thing I saw screaming lady and cat meme and so my brain instantly said Race but then then the very first couple posts were about how nice it is when someone's open about how much they care about you and giving someone the bigger or better part of something you're sharing because you love them and so I'm gonna say you're Jojo.

I've always seen him as a bit of a jokester and always trying to make people laugh, but he's also the sweetest guy ever and one of the first people to know if someone is having a bad day. Basically, I think you're really cool!

2 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

for the newsies association, either kath or finch!

Ooooo interesting! I am very honored that I remind you of our queen, her majesty Katherine Pulitzer Plumber! And Finch is cool too, I never would have thought about that! We stan our bird man

2 notes - Posted February 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Sprace Royal Wedding AU (Let me know if anyone has an idea for a good title!)

@gendistic42 Here is your fic for @newsiesgiftexchange! I absolutely LOVED your prompt! This was my first time writing an au, so I hope you like it. It's also important to note that this fic isn't finished yet because it is going to become my first ever series! Updates will probably be sporadic, but shall be made with love so hopefully that counts lol I'm so glad I got to be a part of this! Without further ado, here is the first part of *Inset Title Here That I Will Come Up With Later!* I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Spot was pissed. He'd always known that one day he was going to have to marry someone who was chosen for him, someone that he wouldn't have much time to get to know, and given his track record, likely someone he wouldn't even like. All the same, to find out that Denton had chosen someone without even talking to him first made him angry.

Denton had been his father's advisor before he died. He'd practically raised Spot and while it was safe to say he was one of the only people Spot actually loved, they two didn't always get along very well. Denton wanted to make sure that Spot would be ready to rule when the time came. Seeing as how his father had died years ago, he would be crowned king as soon as he turned 18, leaving him with far less time to prepare than most had. Spot had watched Denton rule as the Lord Protector, learning all he could from him, until he effectively took over at 16. It was a hard life and while Spot often wished it had been passed to someone else, he wanted the best for his people and wasn't willing to risk turning over his kingdom to someone who didn't care about it as much as he did.

Spot's inevitable marriage was one of the most common debates between the him and Denton. It always started the same way. Denton would ask if Spot had thought any more about one suitor or another, Spot would get defensive over all the other things he had been working on lately till Denton pointed out that Spot was using that as an excuse to avoid thinking about it. Spot would get angry, Denton would yell back and they'd fight till Spot inevitably stormed from the room to lock himself away in his office for hours on end. They always made up quickly, they couldn't afford not to, and they both understood the other's position. The last argument had ended with Spot telling Denton to just find someone for him so that he didn't have to think about it anymore.

Sitting in his office, Spot now regretted telling Denton to decide without him. Spot realized that while he trusted Denton to try not to doom him to a miserable life, he had given up what little choice he'd had in finding someone to marry. Knowing Denton, it was likely someone serious, stoic, and far to boring for Spot's taste. Someone who could help him run his kingdom well, but probably not someone he would want to spend his life with.

Most of the reason why Spot loathed the idea of an arranged or political marriage, though he would never be caught dead admitting it, was that he wanted to have a chance to actually fall in love with someone. He wanted the chance to admire them from across the hall, for his friend's to tease him whenever his crush walked in the room. He wanted to ask them on a date and go to the movies or watch the stars together talking about everything and nothing. He wanted to hold their hand and watch their face light up when they talked about their passions. He wanted to make pancakes on a Sunday morning while his partner cooed over their kid in the living room. He wanted so many things that he'd never get the chance for.

Spot jumped as his phone vibrated next to him. Looking down he saw the name lighting up the screen. Of course Davey would be calling him. Spot had known Davey Jacobs for as long as he could remember. The Jacobs family had always been granted nobility back when Spot's grandmother had been queen for their ongoing efforts to align the monarchy with the needs and feelings of the people. Ever since the family had been both politicly active and well loved by most of the nation. Because of their close relations with the royal family, Davey, Sarah, and Spot had practically grown up with each other. Spot wasn't always sure if Les knew that he was technically his future king, but Spot didn't care for Les to ever see him as anything other than his older brother's stressed out friend.

He huffed and ran a hand down his face before declining the call and going back to the document he had been trying to distract himself with earlier. Not five seconds later his phone lit up again. Groaning he declined the call again, unlocking his phone and typing out a text before the young politician could call him another time. Just as he was about to send it, that damned picture of a smiling, gap toothed 8 year old Davey took over his screen again.

"Davey what the fuck do you want?"

"Wow, Denton said it was bad but I didn't expect that," Davey's languid and amused voice gave away that Spot's reaction was exactly what he had expected.

Spot gritted his teeth a took a deep breath before he responded.

"Jacobs, I swear, you'd better have something real important to say."

"Dude you just got engaged and you don't even know who it is. You literally told your dad to choose someone for you."

Only a handful of people knew that Spot would often refer to Denton as his dad. Given that his actually father had been the king and was now dead, it would have been considered disrespectful of him to refer to anyone else as his father, even though the former king had never had much of a hand in raising Spot in the first place.

"Yes, which is why you had better say something interesting in the next five seconds or I'm hanging up, I've got work I was doing before you called!"

"Uh huh, because you were definitely focused on that and not on your future husband," Spot could hear Davey rolling his eyes through the phone.

After a moment of silence, Davey huffed slightly before speaking again.

"Look Spot, how about I come over tonight. I don't want you stewing around your office and don't say you're working, we both know you aren't gonna get anything done like this. Let's just watch a movie, maybe sleep out on the balcony and talk. You need some time to process this."

Spot sighed before answering. "Ya know what Dave, you pick out the movie and I'll cover snacks."

"I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Spot laughed, "You'd better, Jacobs."

20 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #I love how I hardly posted anything at all whoops #Okay but I’ve been thinking about the sprace royal wedding au thing lately how are we feeling about that one boys? Should I revisit it?#Also the bestie being my top reblogged #Celeste my beloved

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duhragonball · 2 years

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Finally Finished

Tonight, I read Fantastic Four v.6 #46, which wraps up my read-through of the entire series. When I started out, I wasn’t necessarily planning to go much further than the issues I had on hand, which would have taken me up to 2007, but once I got there I decided to keep going, which took me all the way to this month’s issue.

I’ve been into comic books for about 30 years, but this is the first time I’ve ever gone coast-to-coast on a major series like Fantastic Four. I’ve read through all of the Defenders comics, but those were published sporadically, and I read Uncanny X-Men from #1 all the way to like... 450, I think. But with those I made a deliberate choice to stop well before the present day.

The main lesson I learned from this is that my completionism wasn’t exactly rewarded.

No one ever talks about Fantastic Four in the 70′s, because all of the FF comics from that decade are extremely forgettable. People always skip straight from Lee/Kirby to the John Byrne run when they talk about the book’s history, and I’m here to tell you they’re correct to do so. It’s a pity because there’s a bunch of big name talents from that era, but they all made their reputations on other books. For some reason when they worked on FF in the 1970s it just never amounted to much.

The Byrne run is problematic in places, and Byrne himself is kind of a shithead, but the run itself still holds up. The important innovation was that stuff actually happened from one issue to the next, making it easy to want to start reading the next installment. The whole “Alicia hooks up with the Human Torch” thing remains controversial to this day, but it definitely wasn’t boring. The same holds true for a lot of Byrne’s other changes and twists.

The Englehart run gets a bad rap, but it was surprisingly decent. Then you had the seven-issue John Harkness run, which no one ever talks about because it’s depressingly pointless. The big surprise for me was that I absolutely hated Walt Simson’s run, which a lot of fans point to as a “brief but memorable” period on the book, sort of an oasis of quality in the post-Byrne years. Well, I found it tedious. The art was great, but the story could have been a lot briefer, if you asked me.

On the other hand, the DeFalco run turned out to be better than I expected. That was supposed to be a wasteland in the book’s history, marking time between Byrne and the 1997 reboot. And yeah, it’s not perfect, but it managed to keep the story moving, and I found myself genuinely interested to see what happened next. It’s also interesting to me how much of an influence DeFalco had on later runs.

Heroes Reborn sucked, the Claremont run sucked, the Pacheco run was confusing. The Mark Waid run remains a high-water mark for the entire series, but I had already read it when it was originally published. And the writers who followed: JMS, Dwayne McDuffie, and Mark Millar, didn’t impress me much, so it justified my decision to drop the book back in the 2000′s. The Millar run was exceptionally stupid.

The Hickman run was ambitious and epic, but most of the time I found it to be “pretty good” which probably isn’t the level it was aiming for. The Fraction run was one I was looking forward to a lot, but it ended up leaving me kind of disappointed. And the James Robinson run was predictably terrible. Finally, I got to the Dan Slott run, which is where we are today, and that’s turned out to be a real treat. It might end up being better than the Waid run, which will really be impressive.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I read something like 691 issues of this series, along with various annuals, spin-offs, and specials, and maybe fewer than... 250 of those comics were actually good to great. But this was the only way I could be sure. It kind of makes me question any plans I might have to do other long series like this. If I sit down and read a mess of Spider-Man comics, I may just draw the line at some point in the 1980s to spare myself a lot of disappointment...

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lovely-ateez · 3 years

Text

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.”

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.”

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, “I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.”

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”

#ateez #kpop #imagines #ateez au #ateez fluff #ateez imagines #ateez smut #atzinc #fluff #ateez yunho #rockstar au #yunho au

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littlesniggy · 3 years

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Admirals' reaction to s/o dancing to Beyoncé

Anon: Hey! I'm not ashamed to say i love the admirals, so is there a chance to ask for a NSFW headcaon? How they would act during a suprise 'Beyoncé - Dance for you' performance at home? And could thier S/O maybe be dressed in one of the admirals shirts??

Thank you so much for requesting! I got a lot of admiral requests in my inbox and I wanted to switch it up and not post them all at once so I'm sorry that it took a little longer! It's only slightly nsfw but I hope that it's okay.

Sakazuki

When he gets home from an exhausting day at work he won’t be suspecting anything. So, when he opens the door and the music starts playing he is more than a little surprised. When he walks into the living room and sees his s/o standing there, dressed only in his way too big Hawaiian shirt he doesn’t know what to say (and that doesn’t happen often).

He just stands there and watches them more to the music, his glued to their body as they sway their hips in a seductive manner. He will slowly walk to the armchair and sit down, his eyes never leaving them. He even forgets to take off his uniform jacket, that’s how much he likes the view in front of him.

When they seat themselves on another chair, spreading their legs in a seductive manner, throwing their head around and getting back up again he will unconsciously spread his legs as well, giving the slowly but surely growing boner between his legs more room.

Once they walk over to him, holding eye contact as they do he has the urge to just grab them but he has too much self-control to simply follow his instinct. He wants to watch more of it. He can’t help it though to let his hand wander over their leg, riling up his shirt they’re wearing but his hand will almost immediately be swatted away.

He wouldn’t be too happy about that but your next move will make up for it when they start touching his broad chest, their hand moving under the fabric of his shirt and caressing his skin, all while holding eye contact with the marine.

Once he’s had enough though he will grab their wrists with a cocky smile, ordering them to get on their knees. He is a man who has a lot of self-control over his body but if they think he also has the patience to just look at them they’re wrong. After all, if they didn’t want him to get hard in the first place they shouldn’t have danced for him in the first place.

Kuzan

He’s most likely lying on the couch and taking a nap when the music starts playing. At first, he doesn’t even bother to open his eyes, not expecting his s/o wanting to dance for him. In fact, he would be annoyed at first, not wanting to listen to the loud music. This man just wants to sleep.

But once he opens his eyes to scold you the words will get stuck in his throat, his eyes almost immediately on his partner. “What the….?” But he won’t say anymore, choosing to rather just watch them while they dance.

He’s going to sit up, elbows resting on his knees and his intense eyes will follow your movements. He doesn’t even care that they’re wearing one of his shirts; they could be wearing a trash bag for all he cared. He would still think that this was one of the sexiest things he’s ever seen.

When they slowly dance closer, he also leans back, placing his arms on both sides of the back rest, letting them dance right in front of his and on the couch next to him. He loves how close they are and he has to clench and unclench his fists for more self-control, felling his pants getting a little bit too tight. But unlike Sakazuki he really wants to watch them dance till the end, not wanting to miss any of their moves.

Once they’re done though, he will gesture to them to come sit on his lap. Only then can he really start to appreciate them wearing his shirt. His hands will slowly unbutton it, revealing more and more of their skin and start kissing them.

Borsalino

He will be the one who’s the least surprised. Not because he anticipated it but because this man is not easily surprised in general. He is sitting in his office chair, a knowing grin on his face the moment his partner enters his office with only his shirt on. He will lean back, elbows resting on the armrests and his hands folded in front of him.

Even though Borsalino doesn’t say anything to unsettle them his mere knowing and smug grin will be enough to feel a little nervous. He just knows how to get under someone’s skin. When they start dancing it’s like probably the opposite to Sakazuki and Kuzan – his partner will have a hard time not getting too aroused by his stare and he will make it as difficult to move for them as possible with only his wandering eyes.

The admiral will also be the only one to take initiative and get up from his chair, round his desk and lean against it, now looking down at his partner. The moment his partner will get too close to him he will start shaking his head, a sly look on his face.

“As nice as my shirt looks on you, Y/n……why don’t you try and dance for me without it?” his partner will make wide eyes and be thrown completely off guard, stopping in their tracks – and he will love it. They will get even more aroused. If they thought they were in charge of the pace and atmosphere they were mistaken. Borsalino might be slow talker but he sure as hell is a quick thinker and knows how to turn the tables on anyone, not just his foes.

Issho

Well, to be honest just dancing for him won’t really do anything if he can’t see them. He will be surprised about the music but he won’t think nothing much of it. Only when they start sitting on his lap and move their hips in a circling manner does he get what’s going on – and he is a little bit embarrassed.

It will be a huge surprise and he most definitely will be caught off guard. So, in order to show him how well they can dance for him they take his hands in theirs and will guide them over their body while they move on his lap, letting him not only feel their curves but also that they’re wearing nothing but his admiral jacked which they only buttoned up sporadically.

They will soon feel the bulge in his pants thanks for the lap dance but they won’t let him touch them on his own accord, holding his hands tightly in theirs while moving. Only when they want him to open his jacket they’re wearing they will let go of his hands and let him do it but will take them as soon as all the buttons are open.

He will only be allowed to touch them for a short moment, only to show him that they’re completely naked beneath his jacket before pushing his hands off their body. From then on they will move their hips over his crotch to the music and let their hands wander over his torso, teasing him more and more until he will ask them if it’s okay if he will touch them.

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dr-spencer-reids-queen · 3 years

Text

Broken Mirror: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: ~2.6k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill, and angst

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated.

Feedback is gold, and it’s the only currency I take

“Please, come in,” Evan Davenport greeted when you finally showed up at his house. You, Gideon, Hotch, and Spencer went to his house while Elle and Derek met Cheryl at the crime scene. “I have six people on my staff. I have three bodyguards. They've all had polygraphs. Everybody's been vetted.”

“Have they all have alibis for the night of the kidnapping?” Hotch asked. Entering the house, you looked around at family pictures and little trinkets they ad at the house. Sometimes, those are the biggest clue about who a person is and what they are capable of. There were a lot of people at the house to make sure it wasn’t bugged so that Evan’s team can come in and set up their equipment.

“All accounted for by the local FBI field office. Cheryl flew in yesterday. I'm just making sure that she's not alone even for--sorry, I just feel like I'm suffocating here. I just want somebody to tell me that she's okay.”

“Dr. Reid,” Gideon called for him, waiting until he was by his side. “What do the statistics tell us?”

“If you follow their instructions and give them the money, your daughter will be returned.”

“Done. This house is bug free,” an FBI agent from the local field office announced. The head bodyguard or whatever he was called in for their equipment. His name is Vincent Shyer, but there was something off about him. You couldn't place exactly what it was, but you were going to make sure he was watched very closely by your eye.

“Alright, bring it in!”

“Gideon,” you whispered, motioning him to come over. “I’m getting a weird vibe from Vincent. Like weirder than normal. Almost as if I can feel Trish’s energy all over him.”

“Keep an eye on him. We can’t rule anyone out.”

“Okay,” you nodded slightly. He left your side to go back to the group to question the father some more, leaving you alone.

“So, what are your theories so far about this kidnapper?”

“That he targeted you for a reason. Every line of the letter starts with the word ‘you’. He's angry at you and probably feels like you owe him. That everything you own, you don't deserve,” Hotch answered.

“From the language in the ransom we most likely believe that he's working alone,” you added from your corner of the room. Looking at the agents, you just gave them a smile before heading over to the group. “So, your daughters are identical twins?”

“They're not entirely identical. They're mirror twins. Some of Trish's organs are on the right side that should be on the left. Doctors assured us that it wasn't life-threatening,” Evan explained, showing your team the book that explained the condition in detail. Spencer took it, opened it, and began reading it. Along with Evan’s team’s equipment, you brought some of your own to monitor the call which Hotch was getting set up right now. He was going to make sure that when this bastard called, he would track him.

“Situs inversus,” Spencer said from his spot, naming the condition that Evan just described. He ran his finger down the length of the page quickly since his mind could process that many words per minute. He was flying through the pages at an incredible speed, and Evan kept watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“They had self-defense training?” Gideon asked.

“Yeah. I insisted on it. The protective detail rankled when they hit puberty, and I was sure that they would refuse their bodyguards when they left for college,” he stuttered at the end, turning to Spencer to address his reading skills. “Excuse me. Can you actually read that fast?”

“Our conscious minds can process sixteen bits of information per second. Our unconscious, however, can process eleven million,” Spencer informed, going back to the book.

“That’s his talk of yes, he can read that fast,” you chuckled.

“If whoever took her wants me to blow cases or suppress evidence or stand down--”

“What makes you think it's someone you prosecuted?” Gideon interrupted him.

“Well, I have money, but I don't have millions. I mean, what else could it be?”

“In our experience, Mr. Davenport, every case is different,” you said.

Once the rest of the team and Cheryl was back safe in the house, it was almost eight. The call monitoring system was all ready to go, and Evan was going to be the one to answer the call. He didn’t know how to use the system, but Spencer was showing him how.

“This button answers the call,” he explained, pointing to the right ones, “this button makes everyone in the room silent. It'll flash red. You'll be able to hear his side of the conversation. He won't be able to hear us.”

“We'll be running the trace through the field office, but you're in good hands with agent Gideon and his team,” Vincent assured. There was something completely off about him, even after he and his team left to go track it through the field office where they work. There was something wrong, and it bugged the shit out of you that you couldn’t place it.

“You think Cheryl's a whack job because she claims she can feel her sister's anxiety?” Elle spoke to Derek in the kitchen which was right next to you. Leaving your post, you approached the duo.

“I never said whack job.”

“Actually there may be a physiological basis for it,” you said. “Reversed asymmetry monozygotic eggs split late between nine to twelve days.”

“Don’t tell me there’s another one of Reid,” Derek groaned.

“How do you think I got two PhDs at my age? I may not be a genius with an IQ of 187, but I do know a lot,” you grinned.

“She’s actually right,” the young genius said as he joined the group. “The DNA matches right down to the very last stranded code, and there's sporadic documentation of shared physiological pain.”

“You believe it?” Derek asked after staring at you for a good minute.

“No, I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.”

“I never said that. When have I ever said that?”

“Every day since I met you.”

“This morning at breakfast,” you added.

“Yesterday when he beat you at cards,” Hotch interjected with a grin. “Um, we've got one minute.”

“Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?” Derek scoffed, following the group back into the main room where everyone was waiting. Evan was very nervous, almost to the point of sweating, but he was trying to remain calm. Cheryl, on the other hand, wasn’t doing too well visually. The emotional energy in this room was very nerve racking, it was almost getting to you.

“Remember keep your voice even and calm and agree with everything he says,” Gideon instructed.

“He's late,” Evan sighed impatiently when the clock read 8:02 pm.

“He'll call. Just try to relax. This is his strategy. He wants you on edge,” you said.

“Remember to repeat any important information he gives you to make sure you understand. You try to keep him talking to reveal something about Trish or about himself,” Gideon encouraged. The phone began ringing, and just to keep the unsub stewing a bit, Gideon let the phone ring for a few more seconds before pressing the button that answered the call.

“This is Evan Davenport.”

“Hello, Mr. Davenport,” the unsub spoke. For a split second, you got a flash of Vincent’s face. It disappeared as quickly as it came, but it left you confused as to why you got that image.

“Are you the man who has my daughter Patricia?”

“I have your daughter.”

“Can I ask you--”

“You may ask me nothing,” he interrupted. “This is not an interrogatory. You will only listen to my instructions.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

“But I will not give them to you. I do not want to talk to you, Mr. Davenport. I want to talk to her. I want to talk to Cheryl,” he revealed. Gideon pressed the button that muted the call so that the unsub couldn’t hear anything the room was saying.

“What's he doing?” Evan asked.

“What most of the offenders we catch try to do is establish dominance,” Derek explained.

“How long can we keep him on hold?” Elle questioned.

“We can’t put her on,” you stated the obvious.

“Why not? I want to help. I'll talk to him,” Cheryl jumped at the chance to hear her sister’s voice.

“Cheryl doesn't have the authority that Davenport holds. He shouldn't want to talk to her.”

“I think that she should speak to him,” Elle determined.

“Do I need to repeat myself? I want to talk to Cheryl. Put her on the phone. Now,” the unsub grew impatient on the other line.

“No,” Evan shook his head.

“I think she should speak to him. He wants to talk to her. The more he speaks, the more he reveals.”

“She is right, Gideon,” Derek sighed.

“He has my sister!”

“No,” Gideon shook his head. “Y/N, you do it.”

“Okay,” you whispered, switching places with him. It was either you or Elle, and you had the more delicate voice which would best represent Cheryl’s.

“I’m waiting,” the unsub sighed. Once the room got silent, you pressed the button and began speaking.

“Okay, this is Cheryl.” No answer. “This is Cheryl.”

“I have Patricia by my side. I know her voice, so therefore, I know her sister's. Get off the phone. I want Cheryl. I'll give you 60 seconds. If you don't put her on the phone, I will hang up, and you will never hear from me or Patricia again.”

“Prep her,” Gideon said once the call was muted. Taking a seat next to Cheryl who took your spot, you had to make sure she was ready.

“Fifty seconds.”

“This guy's arrogant. Let him know that he's in control. Let him guide the conversation.”

“Forty.”

“Use your sister's name. Say my sister Trish or her name's Patricia. Talk about her.”

“Thirty-five.”

“Let him get to know her through you. Don't veer off topic.”

“Got it,” Cheryl nodded.

“I know you’re scared, okay? But this is really important that you follow what I say. Agree with him.”

“Twenty-five seconds.”

“Tell him that you understand him. I know this is going to be very difficult, but empathize with him. If you do so, he might reveal where he’s holding her.”

“Twenty.”

“Let him know that he didn't mean to hurt Trish or go this far, and that he can fix it. He has a chance to show that he's a kind and forgiving person by letting your sister go.”

“Ten seconds.”

“If you don’t know what to say, I’ll be right here to help you. I know a thing or two about empathizing.”

“Three, two, one.”

“This is Cheryl,” the young woman spoke a second after the countdown ended.

“Hello, Cheryl. How are you?”

“I'd be a lot better if I knew that my sister Patricia is okay.”

“I can tell you have a lot of empathy, Cheryl. You care about others.”

“Yes, I do, and it sounds like you understand,” she sniffled, but tried to keep her sobs silent.

“You mean that I empathize? Yes. I do. Very much. I empathize. I empathize with you, Cheryl. I know you want to be with your sister.”

“Yes, I want Trish back.”

“Good. Tell me what you want, Cheryl. I'm very interested. Tell me all about yourself. What's your favorite color?” he asked, and you were quick to press the mute button.

“Don’t answer that. Stay on the topic of Trish,” you informed, pressing the button once more to unmute it.

“If I tell you, will you let me talk to my sister?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“I like blue,” she said, letting a tear roll down her cheek.

“How ordinary. Do you like chocolate, Cheryl?” he asked, but received no answer. He was growing impatient, so he repeated the question in a much slower done. “Do. You. Like. Chocolate?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I do as well,” he laughed.

“Please, let me talk to my sister. All I want to do is hear her voice. Please,” she begged. There was some skuttle on the other end, and you hoped Trish was alive enough to answer the call. “Hello?”

“Cheryl?” Trish’s voice sounded groggy like she didn’t know where she was or if she was hopped up on drugs.

“Trish!”

“Cher, is that you?”

“Trish, it's me. I'm here. Are you okay?” Cheryl asked, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Cher, I can't,” the other sister whimpered.

“Where are you? What do you see?”

“I-I see the moon,” she groaned. The same skuttle sounded, and the phone was taken from the other sister.

“Trish!”

“Have 500,000 ready,” the unsub spoke.

“Let me talk to her!”

“$500,000 is what I'm owed. The Davenports will wait by the phone. You will receive a call with precise instructions in exactly 15 minutes,” the unsub said right before hanging up. Your eyes went to Spencer since he was the one doing the tracing.

“Were your able to trace it?” Gideon asked.

“No. He's probably using a disposable cell phone. They're impossible to trace.”

“She said she could see the moon.”

“She sounded delirious.”

“She was sedated,” you concluded. “It could have been a light.”

“If he's keeping her drugged, it might mean he's not very strong. He might have to keep her weak just so he can dominate her,” Derek observed.

“Or he's keeping her quiet,” Elle added.

“Has Davenport told us everything about his staff?” Gideon wondered.

“Oh, yeah, we have detailed reports but we should probably revisit background on household staff aides and current docket.”

“Pay close attention to Vincent,” you blurted out softly.

“Why? What is it?” Hotch whispered to you.

“I don’t know. All I know is that when the unsub started talking, I got a flash of Vincent’s face. Isn’t it a bit weird that they both sounded the same?”

“Similar, yes. I’ll have Garcia check it out.”

“Thanks,” you nodded.

“He said owed,” Gideon interrupted, thinking out loud.

“$500,000. His demand sounded scripted, like he was reading it to us,” Spencer remarked.

“But the rest of the conversation wasn't. He was his most relaxed just talking to Cheryl,” you conversed.

“What does that mean?” Evan stressed.

“He might know her already.”

“How quickly can you get the money?” Gideon wondered. Deciding to let Gideon handle him, you looked to your left to see Cheryl in the kitchen with a bottle of alcohol in her hand. Sighing, you left their side to join the underaged girl and took both the glass and bottle out of her hand.

“Look, I know I shouldn't drink, but under the circumstances, do you think you could let this one slide?” she sighed.

“I know it’s hard, but we need you at your best.”

“Have you had many cases like this?”

“I’ve seen my share of abductions, yes.”

“I don't know how you do this job. How do you stomach it?”

“Sometimes I don’t. I’m not your normal FBI agent. I see more than most, and I feel it. I’m an empathic psychic. Whether you believe in that sort of thing or not is up to you, but I feel your pain and I feel your sister’s fear as if it were my own. She’s close, but I don’t know where. No matter where I go, all I see are abductions, murders, and everything else you can see. For the most part, all these criminals are just cowards. There's nothing I'd rather do more than put the bastards away.”

“I just wish you could get them before they snatch someone,” Cheryl sighed sadly.

“Trish is alive, I can feel it. I know you can too. You've trusted your feelings this far. Hold onto that.”

wanna be tagged? add yourself to this document! if your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@averyhotchner @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @fan-girl-97 @paulaern @inkstainedwritergirl @estrela-rogers @abitchforjay @kwbaby24 @redsalv20 @joonie-centric @havesaltwilltravel @spencerreid-mgg @sixpencespencee

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revolutionary-demosthenes · 4 years

Note

Who is this Meade I've seen mentioned in Hamilton's letters? The only thing I know about him is that he shoved himself up a chimney, which I'm quite hesitant to accept as true.

That would be Richard Kidder Meade, a fellow aide-de-camp to Laurens and Hamilton, and he did indeed shove himself up a chimney.

Meade became an aide-de-camp in March of 1777.

A little information on Meade’s life before the war and his family is in Washington’s Indispensable Men: The 32 Aides-de-Camp who Helped Win American Independence by Arthur S. Lefkowitz: “Meade was born in Nansemond County, Virginia, and was thirty-one years old at the time of his appointment [to Washington’s staff]. He was the son of David Meade and his wife Susanna, daughter of Richard Everard, the governor of North Carolina. Meade was educated in England at Harrow School, Harrow, Middlesex. [...] Meade probably also studied elsewhere in England as well. A school at Dalston and/or a small private school at Drafton in Hackney parish are mentioned as the two most likely locations. This young Virginian was not a scholar, but a strong and rugged outdoorsman and an excellent horseman.”

Meade was an extremely good friend of Laurens and Hamilton, and it’s even been speculated that he knew about their relationship.

I think the letter you may be referring to in your ask is the one from Hamilton to Laurens written September 12, 1780, in which he says, “The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you and Meade.”

This, beyond being proof of the emotional trust Hamilton put into Laurens, puts Laurens and Meade as the only two people who made Hamilton feel less like “the whole” was “a mass of knaves and fools.” Laurens was Hamilton’s lover and one of the most important (in my opinion) people to Hamilton at this time. So we’re talking an extremely close connection between Meade and Hamilton if he was as close emotionally to Hamilton as Laurens was.

Building on that a bit is the chimney story, which (yes, it’s true) is found in a letter from James McHenry (another of Washington’s staff) to Hamilton.

“Meade writes you all that is interesting, and conducts the most weighty matters with a great deal of cunning sagacity. He thrust himself up the chimney this morning, while we were dressing round the fire, in order to be more at liberty as I supposed to read your letter, or hide any thing it might contain, from profane eyes. This peculiarity was soon followed by another. In short, he managed the business with so much management, that had I been less attentive to his operations I must have found out their object.” (March 18th, 1780)

What was in those letters can only be speculated, but that Meade felt it was secret to the level where he specifically hid it from the other aides speaks to it being something very personal and secretive. (as @sunnyrea‘s post I linked above says.)

After the war, Hamilton and Meade kept up a bit of a correspondence, though it was sporadic.

The beginning of a letter Hamilton wrote on August 27, 1782, (the day Laurens died, but of course Hamilton didn't know that) is also interesting because it in some ways parallels letters that Hamilton wrote to Laurens. (I may have to do a longer post on this.)

“Our correspondence hitherto has been unfortunate, nor in fact can either of us compliment himself on his punctuality but you were right in concluding that however indolence or accident may interrupt our intercourse, nothing will interrupt our friendship. Mine for you is built on the solid basis of a full conviction that you deserve it and that it is reciprocal and it is the more firmly fixed because you have few competitors. Experience is a continued comment on the worthlessness of the human race and the few exceptions we find have the greater right to be valued in proportion as they are rare. I know few men estimable, fewer amiable & when I meet with one of the last description it is not in my power to withhold my affection.”

This strikes me as a similar message as when Hamilton told Laurens that he was “disgusted with everything in this world but yourself and very few more honest fellows...” (Hamilton to Laurens, Jan. 8th, 1780.) It’s a weird sort of compliment-- like, “I’m close with you because almost everyone is awful except you, you’re wonderful,” but it is interesting how Hamilton uses it for both Laurens and Meade.

Meade died in 1805 and honestly there’s not much more information on him. His wikipedia is here.

So, short answer: The “Meade” Hamilton refers to in a letter to Laurens is Richard Kidder Meade, another aide-de-camp to Washington. Hamilton was very good friends with Meade, to the point where he sometimes seemed almost on the same level as Laurens. It does sound unbelievable, and it’s good you’re thinking critically, but yes, he did (twice) stand in the chimney to read letters from Hamilton.

#ask #anonymous #Richard Kidder Meade #Alexander Hamilton #John Laurens #letters #answered #thanks for the ask!#hope this was helpful #TW for the self-hate in Hamilton's letter

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clarionglass · 3 years

Text

tagged by @gentlemancrow, thanks for the tag! :)

1. Why did you choose your url? i think i chose this back in the heady days of uh. year 8 or 9? for my old ff dot net account and/or deviantart, and it’s just stuck ever since! it was back in my skulduggery pleasant fandom days, and the concept of chosen names has always struck me as pretty cool, so i was messing around with picking one, and clarion glass stuck! it’s been my username for literally everything for years now, and clarion/clari has become the name i respond to on the internet :)

2. Any side blogs? yes but also no? i have three, technically, but none are active anymore. one was set up for a creative project for my greek and roman mythology unit in third year (i was blogging as ariadne, it was a fun time :) ), i’m not gonna give the url to that one because it’s entirely defunct @honestoperarecaps was set up as a study tool for my opera unit bc i thought i’d remember things better if i vented about the operas i had to watch in a mildly humorous way. it worked, but i only had the time and energy for one post :’) if you want to read my vent about don giovanni act one then click on over i guess :P and lastly is the good old school of music quotebook! it’s password locked bc it was just for me and my mates to put up the weird quotes that people said around the department (it was back before the SoM had a name change and became “the con,” so that dates it), and my god there were many. damn, i need to have a reread through those :) @bejewelled2deluxe that was a good time :D

3. How long have you been on tumblr? a while and a half! i think i got it in about 2014 or 15, but i lurked on my mates’ blogs from about 2012 without actually getting an account. so i lived through superwholock, but vicariously :’)

4. Do you have a queue tag? ha ha ha ha ha ask another question (i do not. i post 50 things at once or nothing at all.)

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? like i said before, i was a lurker for a good few years before i caved! i’m a fandom nerd, as well as a sucker for a good meme, and the communities that my friends were in seemed pretty chill. i knew for ages i was gonna get a tumblr, but i just didn’t want to distract myself during Important School Times (i was entirely correct in thinking it’d be a black hole for all my time :’) )

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? oh man, there’s a q! i’d done a few drawings from the queen’s thief series about the time i signed up (if you haven’t read it go read it, it’s Fantastic), so i nicked a headshot off one of them bc she looks vaguely slightly like me :P this one is the queen of eddis! such a good character, i love her to pieces :)

7. Why did you choose your header? it doesn’t come up in my blog theme on pc so i forget what it is..... is it the lantern tree? it was just a cool pic, i love lanterns in trees yo blog title i definitely know where that came from, as does anybody who knows me in person,,,, it’s a tempo direction off a piece of music by That Goddamn Dude, and it just clicked with me

8. What’s your post with the most notes? my crocheted tiny martin photoset :)

9. How many mutuals do you have? no idea, my love, absolutely none

10. How many followers do you have? uh 184 apparently but i do need to do a weed for porn bots :/ if you’re part of the 184 and you’re not a porn bot and i don’t know you irl then hello! i don’t know where you’ve come from (tbh it’s probably the chatfic now i think about it) but you are very welcome, and i hope you’re not too put off by my extremely sporadic posting!

11. How many people do you follow? uh. 70. i have a very,,,, curated,,,, dash experience. :|

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? not really? i’ve shat out some odd thoughts on tma, if that counts :P

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day? i like to scroll to the end of my dash (hence the answer to q11 lol), and i get bored easily, so i often scroll through on my breaks and in the morning when i wake up :) that said, i only reblog stuff when i’m on my laptop bc i like to tag ramble and that’s just too much effort on my phone

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? hell no, i’m very conflict averse plus who the hell is going to fight with me? i’m the smallest of small fry :P

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? i ignore them bc i do not need to be guilted into reblogging things tyvm (((:

16. Do you like tag games? for sure! i always take approx 2390358 years to respond to them but they’re cool as hell, plus i like being thought of :)

17. Do you like ask games? ditto the previous :)

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? i’m mutuals with a few Fandom People, but idk if anyone’s like. big famous? and i’m pretty sure nobody who’s big famous follows me back lol i just like to stick to my small corner of the internet :) if i’m wrong that’s rad as hell tho!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? nah but i love y’all as friends!

this is the tag part! which i hate doing! if you see this on your dash consider yourself tagged if you want to do it :) @idris-the-potterhead if you need to take a break from lab work then go for it :)

#clari speaks #tag games #gentlemancrow #clari's tumblr experience lol

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kukukape · 3 years

Text

Richard Malik x Operative: The Whistleblower

This the first time I've posted a fic in a while, but I'm excited! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist 😊

Tags: @simping-for-sandayu-oda @luciewarrenx3

•••

Richard had to admit, he'd come up with more... enjoyable plans than this one. He grunted as the Albion thug's knee collided with his stomach, again. Wanker was enjoying this way too much.

His eyes flicked to the camera ever so subtly. Not that the bastard would've noticed, he was too busy trying to decide which way to assault Richard Malik next. But he could see it moving around a bit sporadically, as if its operator were trying to get his attention.

And even in the midst of great pain, he had to fight a smirk. Things were already going accordingly.

"U-ugh!" He grunted as the Albion guard pulled him up by his hair and punched him in the face.

Welp, time to fall back into character.

"I-I'm not who you think I am, I-I swear!"

A slap across the face. Backhanded. Richard had to admit, that hurt his pride more than it did his face.

"You're Malik! A SIRS officer and a leaky fucking twat!" Richard, with his forehead resting against the cold concrete, found himself wanting to smile at his own notoriety.

Malik. That name carried weight in SIRS. In London's infrastructure of justice and security. This scared, begging persona wasn't him. This was a choice.

He was a spy. Slippery, and willing to relinquish his true character for his mission.

His breathing quickened with faux fear as the Albion officer picked him up by the collar, bunching up his silken silver tie amidst the action. "That's not me, I s-swear to god, please- PLEASE-"

---

Angel's heart nearly stopped when Bagley cut the feed. "Fuck…" she whispered. She had half a mind to curl up on the curb and let a grey gloom consume her, but Bagley was too much of a dick to allow that.

"Fuck is right! And fucking dead is what he'll be if you don't hurry," he said in his not-so-robotic deadpan.

Dead. Murdered. Killed?

All words and possibilities that resonated with Angel. She took a deep shaky breath, squeezing the steering wheel of her Atterley. "Drop a pin please, Bags," she said.

"I already did, while you were having a little panic attack."

Instead of meeting his snark with her own, Angel kicked the car into gear, speeding towards the construction site. From first gear to third, then sixth... and she was skidding to a stop by the sidewalk before she knew it.

Her optik buzzed as someone got onto comm. It was Brian, the team's most senior hitman. "Scope the place out before you go in. This could be a trap for all we know, so-"

The soft patters of a silenced P9, followed by two separate cries cut Brian off.

"Angel! Bagley, what's she-"

"She's storming the place like the baboon cousin she is!" Bagley exclaimed, "You know for a spy, she's rather uncovert." Which only said the absolute least.

The bodies were shrouded before the spy moved on, picking off another soldier just as they were turning the corner. A bullet between his eyes before he even knew he was in danger, and cloaked to make his death even less apparent.

Pressed against a corner wall, Angel took her phone out and let the news drone above become her eyes. "Bagley, help me find him," she said urgently.

"There's a closed off room in the back. Try there," he said. Angel jumped from camera to camera, her heart squeezing a bit every time she didn't see Richard.

Just when she was about to crack her phone in her grip, she saw him. Wrists tied, on his knees, gaze trained on the floor as he tried to catch his breath.

Angel knew this picture of him. Years ago, in a dirt-floored cell where they huddled together for just an inch of warmth. The image made her shudder, so forcefully mentally that she did so physically too.

She flinched again when Brian came over the comm. "Alright, there he is. I suggest you take out the rest of the guards before you go in," he said.

From soldier, to spy, and now to soldier again. Angel nodded as she squeezed the hilt of her gun. "I'll get right on it."

---

Richard chewed the inside of his cheek as he stared at the floor. He could feel a pair of eyes on him once again, staring through that same metal lense. He didn't dare turn to look, didn't dare break character.

Until he heard the camera screech, as if it wanted him to turn. And, flinching in surprise, he did.

He looked at the camera, wondering why the DedSec operative who'd come for him wanted to make their presence so known. Richard eyed the camera for a moment, searching for something deeper beyond the blank, metallic lense.

Of course, he found nothing. But just the notion of the operative- who he was all too sure was finally here- trying to communicate you're safe, it's okay, made him want to chuckle.

He gave the camera an acknowleding smirk, and ever so slight tilt of his head.

"AHH!" A soldier just outside screamed.

Richard's head whipped around again, and he heard some indecipherable yelling, along with the heavy footsteps of Albion-approved military boots. Somebody was obviously getting their ass kicked outside, because he only heard one person grunting in pain as limbs connected with their target.

Then silence.

He never really liked the quiet. It meant that nothing was happening, and for Richard, something always had to be happening. He couldn't predict quiet. Couldn't scheme it, outsmart it.

Thank god it didn't last long, before the metal door squealed open and quiet footsteps pittered in.

Richard kept his gaze down, as would a man currently fearing for his life. He'd been that enough times to know how to imitate it.

The 'fwoop' of a knife unsheathing made him flinch genuinely. But a steady, smooth... familiar voice eased him.

"Easy. It's just me," she said. Just me, she said. As if he were supposed to know her.

And he did. Oh lord, he did. And the mixture of fear, anger, regret, and happiness in him was too genuine for somebody so used to lying in the face of everyone short of his mother and father's graves.

The fearful part of him was scared to turn around and look at her as she cut through his restraints easily. But he didn't have a choice really, as she walked around and kneeled in front of him, cupping his face with both hands and searching for any injuries to his visage.

Richard was a confident man. Strong, assured, and decorated from head to toe in awards that highlighted his ingenius.

But he looked like a dumb fish in that moment, his mouth slightly ajar and eyes wide.

"…Angel?" He asked softly as her calloused fingertips subconsciously brushed across his brow, stretching down to touch his jaw.

---

"That's my name," she said dryly as she searched his face, looking anywhere but his eyes. Her hand reached into the pocket on his shirt, where she knew he kept a handkerchief. "Hold still, you look horrible," she said. Not that a handkerchief was gonna fix that, but whatever.

She wiped blood from his jaw, and the bits that had gotten onto his cheek. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep more words than necessary from escaping her.

I missed you.

Are you okay?

I know this is a farce, so what are you playing?

All reasonable, but Angel couldn't utter any of them. Because Richard Malik, her friend for all of their youth, her partner in war, her lover for that one night back in college, was right in front of her.

She raked a hand through his hair, which was as close to saying I'm glad you're okay as she was gonna get. And he grabbed her wrist gently.

Brown eyes met a lighter shade. Both of them soft, affectionate, and untrusting.

"You're Dedsec," he said it firmly but quietly. Looking for confirmation. Hoping she'd say no, she just happened to be walking down the street and decided to shoot up a restricted Albion area for shits and giggles.

But she nodded. And a pride she never had while working at SIRS shined in her eyes.

Angel helped him to his feet and cleared her throat. They clearly weren't gonna do the whole "So what've you been up to the past six years?" thing, so she spoke first, "We got the call from you. What was that all about?"

A look of shock passed over Richard's eyes. And Angel could tell what he was thinking. Probably wondering where that smile she always used to greet him with had gone.

But he remembered himself quicklyc straightening his tie with a nervous hand. "I'll upload the intelligence onto an anonymous FTP. You can sort through it-"

"No, I want to hear it from you," Angel cut him off rigidly.

Richard inhaled as his whole "My name is Richard Malik, herdyderdyder," speech was thrown out the window. "I believe I've discovered who Zero-Day really is; rogue SIRS officers from the CT unit who then framed Dedsec for the TOAN bombings."

"Men working under you?" Angel raised one elegant brow. "I always got the impression the CT unit was always fiercely loyal," she commented.

And back to the games they went. This time, for the first time, against each other.

He let out a humorless laugh. "You know how good I am at making enemies," he said, reaching for the door handle.

"Wait, Richard," she said quickly. Angel's hand shot out to grab his arm. He looked down at her in surprise.

…Down at her.

Since when was he so damn tall? And handsome…

No, no, stop it, monkey brain.

"I…" Angel's jaw moved uselessly for a moment, before she simply yanked him into am embrace. Richard made a surprised sound. Way too many surprises for one day for him.

But this one, he could tolerate.

Hesitantly, he wrapped one arm around her shoulders while hers linked around his neck tightly. Her cheek was pressed against his chest, and he could smell the shampoo drifting from her hair. "It's… good to see you again, Angel," he said quietly.

Angel chuckled once, before inhaling sharply and slowly pulling away. Out of his reach once again.

"We'll, uh... check out the info," she said, nodding before moving to step by him. But she paused by the door, then reached back over to him. Richard watched dumbly as she fixed his silver tie, straightening it back up and patting his chest twice. And she smiled.

"You grew up nicely, Richard," she said, before slipping out the door.

Richard stood there dumbly for a moment, a thousand different things racing through his head.

But the one thing that stood out the most was the fact that his plans had definitely just been shaken.

~end~

#richard malik #watchdogs #watch dogs legion #wdl #give this man a GOLD STAR #for being HOT #richard malik x oc

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kotsume · 4 years

Text

my observations as a content creator :) warning: it’s long

if you’re reading this, don’t think too deeply about what i wrote - it’s just my analysis of fan blogs and some fandoms (so it’s all from my perspective). do what you want with this information, and feel free to lmk what you think ;)

*i tried to include as many anime-applicable blogs as i could remember*

multifandom reblog blogs (ones who track a tag):

@/allanimanga: lots of original content every day. does not reblog from tag anymore bc most members who had that job are inactive. i’m an admin and i’ve been told not to worry about reblogging from the tag, and just make content. has member privilege abuse from certain users; normally you make content for the blog and you get to reblog your stuff over in a 1:1 ratio, but they will just use the blog to promote themselves without contributing. it’s really sad but there’s nothing we can do bc most of the time it’s an admin.

@/animacia: was debating whether or not to put this one. reblogs mainstream anime (sailor moon, studio ghibli) and has a tag, but the tag itself does not seem to be actively used as the most recent post can see tagged for this blog dates back to june 2019 (more than a year ago). it’s an active blog regardless of slow tag activity.

@/animationsource: active, but very picky? idk man they either do or don’t reblog your stuff. it’s a hit or miss with them. seems to have member privilege abuse/preference (explained up there). not too sure if they have a queue or just reblog sporadically.

@/anisource: active. seems to run on a large, backlogged queue bc their tag is full of stuff that has yet to be reblogged. edits will probably take a while to be reblogged, but they’ll eventually get there!

@/dailyanime: new blog, but from what i’ve experienced, they will queue it, and your post will be reblogged in 1-3 days (it probably depends on how much is in their queue).

@/fyanimegifs: will reblog your stuff, but they have a very slow queue.

@/graphicsources: not really active; spontaneous at best. don’t count on them to reblog your stuff.

@/fyeahshoujo: not really active, but not completely inactive.

@/fysportsanime & @/sportsanimedaily: active. seems to have a backlogged queue, but just wait and you’ll be reblogged! it will take some time because there are lots of posts.

@/animangascenery & @/otomokatsuhiro (#oldanimeedit - changes url from time to time? that’s why i included the tag they track): inactive unless a member looks at the tag. in that case, they will most likely reblog the tagged post. typically mass reblogs/queues from the tag every once in a while.

@/bbelcher & @/fyeahmovies: will reblog ghibli and makoto shinkai stuff. bonus points if you have added a text description to gifs. 80% dependable.

@/filmgifs, @/filmtv, @/stream, @/movie-gifs, etc. (basically big reblog fansites that aren’t anime-oriented, but do reblog mainstream anime movies): 90% chance they will not reblog anything from you if there is no text description. add text descriptions to studio ghibli/makoto shinkai film gifs and make it pretty! use text gradients!! that will increase your chances of being reblogged by them. they don’t reblog seasonal anime.

a note: many creators use tags as a way of reaching a broader audience. it's really helpful for smaller blogs who would like to share their content to others, but do not have the means/numbers to do so. just bc some people don't utilize tags to their full potential, it doesn't mean it isn't useful, so pls don’t try to act superior to those who want more exposure. everyone deserves a chance at getting the attention they deserve for their hard work!

studio ghibli reblog blogs:

@/ghiblisdaily: great. amazing. i love them!! will reblog from you 99.9% of the time. probably the most reliable ghibli blog as of right now. uploads original content

@/fyghibli: used to be good at reblogging from tag, but has gone kind of inactive. i think they’re becoming more active again, but it’s very sporadic.

@/kikisdeliveryservices: they track a variety of studio ghibli related tags, and they do reblog a lot, but i don’t think they’re as consistent as ghiblisdaily. lots of original content.

@/oh-totoro: not really active, but when they are (and they reblog from you), your activity skyrockets.

@/dailyghibli: not active.

@/daily-ghibli: sometimes active, a little wishy-washy. they seem to be reblogging a little bit more consistently now?

@/princessghibli: not active, but reblogs here and there.

@/ghibligif: a new blog, but decently active. will reblog post from their tracked tag within a day. lots of original content.

main point: there are many studio ghibli blogs (wayyyy more than i’ve listed here), but only around 3-4 active ones. choose your tags with what you think will give you the best exposure bc if you have too much, tumblr will go “fuck you” and not show your post at all :)

random anime fandoms:

i’ll really only be including ones i’m in, or know a bit about.

haikyuu, bnha, kny, yoi: healthy and very active. content for these fandoms do well even if they’re not in season. has multiple active fan blogs (except for yoi tho - they’re all inactive for the most part).

noragami, ohshc, ons, snk, tg, swnku: active fandoms. edits will do moderately well bc most people have seen these.

popular sports anime (knb, free, dna, tsurune? idk i don’t watch much sports anime): they do okay. i rarely see any new sports anime edits beside haikyuu, but people do love their sports anime. has active sports fan blogs.

pokemon & sailor moon: old but gold. lots of people love these anime bc it’s part of their childhood. still very popular amongst tumblr users.

violet evergarden: does moderately well. @/fyeahvioletevergarden will reblog your stuff if you choose to tag them (big boost)! with the new movie coming up soon, there may be a resurgence in activity, but the most recent movie did not have much content made for it, so that hope may be crushed.

tpn: not very active, but with the new season coming up soon, there will be a resurgence in activity.

ditf: kind of dead, but lots of people love zero two. edits do moderately well.

sao: dead. absolutely dead. i thought there would be some activity bc it’s in season right now, but no, it’s a dead fandom. low key sao sucks tho. idek where the plot is going; i’m just hoping for an end.

hxh, one piece, fma, code geass: i’m not in it, but i think they do okay bc they have a large following, just not as well as haikyuu or bnha (but they’re still very popular). it depends on your blog demographic tho.

mp100, opm, bsd, given: kind of medium-tier fandoms. not as prevalent as haikyuu or bnha, but there are still edits being made for these anime. they don’t really have any active fan blogs (besides given i think) bc none of them are airing rn.

makoto shinkai & studio ghibli films: they do great! everybody loves good scenery, and the films are very well known and loved by all!

some seasonal anime (spring/summer 2020)

fruits basket: well this reboot blew up and overshadowed everything in it’s path. tbh only edits posted on the first day of the new episode do well. it’s a very competitive fandom for creators.

kaguya sama love is war: first season was good, edits did well. second season drifted off into the shadow of fruits basket. relatively obscure fandom for how popular it is amongst people (non-creators).

tower of god: popular with creators. now that it’s not airing, no one gifs it. respective fan blog is doing its best with content from the manhwa.

fugou keiji balance unlimited: people were simping even before the first ep came out, and then the anime went on hiatus for a few months. now that it’s started to air again, everyone acts like it never existed in the first place... was a good fandom up until the hiatus and now it will probably take a while to recover.

god of high school: nonexistent even tho it’s a popular pick this season (summer 2020). in the shadow of fruits basket.

deca-dence, bna, great pretender, kakushigoto, the misfit at demon king academy, rent-a-girlfriend: *sigh* didn’t see much of it on my dash. lesser-watched seasonal anime in comparison to fruits basket and tower of god (all relative to tumblr). there are gifs being made, but you have to follow the right blogs.

main point: if there’s any seasonal anime paired up against fruits basket at the same time, fruits basket will win and the former will be left in the dust.

#i've been itching to write this for a while #just my thoughts as a #content creator who uses tags #feel free to correct me on anything #or give me a new perspective #text #mine #mytext

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libralita · 3 years

Text

Way of Kings Reread

This is my post Rhythm of War reread so if you don’t want spoilers for Rhythm of War then come back later. These are essentially just the notes I took during this read through so things like “Szeth is darkeyed” isn’t really stellar commentary but there are a few interesting things in here. Also this reread was like…very sporadic so I probably missed things.

“A man with a long grey and black beard slumped in the doorway, smiling foolishly—though whether from wine or a weak mind, Szeth could not tell.

‘Have you seen me?’ the man asked with slurred speech. He laughed then began to speak in gibberish, reaching for a wineskin.”—Page 23

Oh god, it’s Jezrien. Nooooo.

I’m curious to see how Humans being voidbringers plays into Szeth’s punishment.

“Occasionally, light would flash without the thunder. The slaves would groan in terror at this, thinking about the Stormfather, the shades of the Lost Radiants, or the Voidbringers—all of which were said to haunt the most violent highstorms.”

Interesting that they’re called the “shades”, perhaps referring to cognitive shadows?

“Talenelat’Elin, bearer of all agonies.”

Wait…do people know about Taln?

“This room is called the Veil…That which comes before the Palanaeum itself. Both were here when the city was founded. Some think these chambers might have been cut by the Dawnsingers themselves.”

First of all, Veil, haha. Second, interesting bit of lore.

“Thaylens had their own systems of rank.”

I’d like to know what it is.

It’s very interesting that philosophy and history are feminine arts and yet the merchant is still trying to sell Shallan on a romance novel

I wonder if Yalb still has his drawing. It was probably ruined so that sucks.

“There, she used all her remaining sphere to fill of all nine colors and all three sizes.”

Hmmmmmmmm. Nine and three. Interesting

“Then he’d have someone to talk to in Damnation. They could reminisce about how terrible Bridge Four had been, and agree that eternal fires were much more pleasant.”

K…Kaladin please don’t joke about that.

“His ways were odd—though Lirin made certain that his son didn’t mix up the Heralds and the Lost Radiants, Kal had heard his father say that he thought the Voidbringers weren’t real. Ridiculous.”

RIP

“He reached the base of the slop, wind-driven rain pelting his face as if trying to shove him back toward the camp.”

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

“She looked exhausted. ‘These things are heavy!’ She lifted the leaf. ‘I brought it for you!’”

I love her so much I could cry.

Szeth is a dark eyed.

We need to get the void sphere back.

“It was fairly ordinary, a simple piece of rock with a few quartz crystals set into it and a rusty vein of iron on one side.”

Iron.

“‘Today,’ King Elhokar announced, riding beneath the bright open sky, ��is an excellent day to slay a god. Wouldn’t you say’”

Owwwwwwwwww my heart

“One might say that gods, as a rule, should fear the Althei nobility. Most of us at least.”

Y’know…Sadeas has a point

Actually they should probably fear Taravangian.

Sadeas wears red plate. I always imagine him in green.

Shardplate is naturally slate gray. I wonder if it’s the same color as what your limbs go if they’re cut by a shardblade. Hmmmm.

“Adolin found himself wishing, passionately, that his father would do a little more these days to live up to that reputation.”

Adolin, sweet pie, NO

I miss Elhokar so much

Also the Thrill of Contest, that’s interesting.

“I felt like a youth again, chasing after your father on some ridiculous challenge.”

Dalinar, we all know that it was Gavilar chasing you

“There was someone watching me in the darkness that night.”

My poor baby…

“‘I defy you, creature!’ Elhokar screamed. ‘I claim your life! They will see their gods crushed, just as they will see their king dead at my feet! I defy you!’”

Elhokar…

“Adolin—stalwart as always—had dismounted beside the king. He tried to stop the claws, striking at them as they fell. Unfortunately, there were four claws and only one of Adolin.”

Hmmmm, Adolin v 4 is becoming a pattern.

“Dalinar should have been there to defend him. Only two things remained of his beloved brother, two things that Dalinar could protect in a hope to earn some form of redemption: Gavilar’s kingdom and Gavilar’s son.”

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

“Let me first assure you that the element is quite safe. I have found a good home for it. I protect its safety like I protect my own skin, you might say.”

It has been ten years and I still have no idea what this means.

“Kaladin punched Moash right in the gut, where he knew it would wind him. Moash gasped in shock, doubling over, and Kaladin stepped forward to grab him by the legs, slinging Moash over his shoulder.”

Ahhhhh I could read this paragraph over and over again.

“He worked himself ragged. In fact, he felt close to collapsing several times, but every time he did, he found a reserve of strength from somewhere.”

I wonder where.

“Rockbuds had opened nearby, their vines reaching out to lap up the beast’s blood.”

Gross.

Insult his son and the Blackthorn will peek through

“I had…things to be about.”

I don’t like the way Wit said that.

“You going to do Alethkar a favor and rid it of both of us?”

That is a very interesting line for Wit to say…Also concerning. Wit what are you up to?

It’s very interesting that without Sadeas and Gavilar, Dalinar has to learn how to be a politician. It’s clear that both men maneuver others while Dalinar is blunt force. Good character development, I really love it as a political scientist.

“Brother, follow the Codes tonight. There is something strange upon the winds.”

Hmmmmmmmmm, I think Gavilar was planning his death.

“We’d protect Gavilar’s son. No matter what the cost, no matter what other things came between us, we would protect Elhokar.”

…Would…Elhokar have died if Sadeas was still alive?

“The book was used by the Radiants as a kind of guidebook, a book of counsel on how to live their lives.”

That…something that I forgot. Dalinar maybe you should have some required reading in your Radiant generation.

It’s interesting that Shardplate and Rsyhadium have no problem with humans using them but shardblades do.

“Dalinar was shocked that he could remember the story word for word,”

Hmmmmmm

“Could he train himself out of freezing in battle like that?”

End me.

“You sure he’s not decayspren wearing a man’s skin?”

S…Syl…is that a problem we have to deal with?

“They break the land itself! They want it, but in their rage they will destroy it. Like the jealous man burns his rich things rather than let them be taken by his enemies! They come!”

The…humans?

“‘Hm,’ he said. ‘Yes. We’ll be getting right to that soon. It’ll be grand. Lots of prancing, sauntering, and er…’

‘Promenading?’ Yis the leatherworker offered.

‘Isn’t that a type of drink?’ Adolin asked.

‘Er, no, Brightlord. I’m fairly certain it’s another word for walking.’

‘Well, then,’ Adolin said. ‘We’ll do plenty of it too. Promenading. I always love a good promenading.’”

He and Shallan are truly made for each other.

“Highprince Aladar has begun to talk of taking a short vacation back to Althekar. I want to know if he’s serious.”

Oh?

It’s very interesting how Gavilar after death is portrayed as having grown weak and yet there’s so much reverence for him.

Three gods, huh?

It’s interesting that Dalinar can feel the thrill in these visions.

“It was a topaz entwined with a heliodor, both set into a fine metal framework, each stone as big as a man’s hand.”

Is that some kind of fabrial? Is she an edgedancer/truthwatcher? She seemed to have Stoneward shardplate. How confusing. I guess she could have borrowed Shardplate.

DABBID MY SON!

“‘Next time it could be you!’ he called. ‘What will you do if you’re the one that needs healing?’

‘I’ll die.’ Moash said, not even bothering to look back. ‘Out on the field, quickly, rather than back here over a week’s time.’”

Oh that would be so unfortunate.

REREADING THIS BOOK WITH THE TEFT SECTIONS OH OHHHHHHHHH BOY SUFFERING. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

“I was under the impression that you were going to aid the queen in protecting the king’s interests in Alethkar.”

That is interesting to think about. What would have happened in Navani had stayed in Alethkar? Did the Unmade compel Navani to go? Or would she have been under the influence of the Unmade?

“I have determined that the queen is sufficiently endowed with the requisite skills needed to hold Alethkar.”

Uhhhhhhhhhh

“‘Well, I suppose that’s all right,’ she said. ‘I kind of trust Sadeas.’”

Interesting. Also my son, my love, Elhokar...you are so dumb.

“‘You still argue he isn’t a bad king?’ Navani whispered. ‘My poor, distracted, oblivious boy.’”

HE COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT

Ishar is the herald of luck?

WAIT ROION! TURTLE MAN! My baby!

My god I sometimes forget that Dalinar has no fucking chill and no impulse control.

“The Almighty himself depended on the Alethi to train themselves in honorable battle so that when they died, they could join the Heralds’ army and win back the Tranquiline Halls.”

Is that…Honor’s influence or Odium’s? Or has Odium corrupted this idea? Because judging by Rhythm of War, Odium’s end goal was to raise an army from Roshar and then send them across the Cosmere.

“My sense of honor makes me easy to manipulate.”

Whaaaaaat? You Dalinar. Pffttttt Noooooo. Pfffftttttt.

“‘He is well, though you presence here is sorely missed. I’m certain he could use your counsel. He is relying heavily on Brightness Lalai to act as clerk.’

Perhaps that would make Jasnah return. There was little love lost between herself and Sadeas’s cousin, who was the king’s head scribe in he queen’s absence.”

First, there’s another Sadeas we must deal with besides Sadeas’s nephew that I’m sure will be around in arc 2. Second, interesting wonder where that drama stems from.

“They may be a little too stable. The world is changing outside, but the Shin seem determined to remain the same.”

Hmmmmmmmmmm

“Gavarah hadn’t reached her twentieth Weeping when she proposed the theory of the three realms.”

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA. Lemme hear this theory, my dude.

“He reminds me of my uncle Dalinar. Earnest, sincere, concerned.” “We could do with more men like Taravangian,”

I…mmm….aw man…I…that’ll be a yikes for me.

“He found a half-finished bridge. It had eventually grown out of that one plank Kaladin had used.”

ASODFKJSLDFJSLDF JUST LIKE THE FOURTH BRIDGE

“Had something moved in the darkness?”

His spren?

“‘Roshone lets them know he finds them contemptible. And so they scramble to please him.

‘That makes no sense,’ Kal said.

‘It is the way of things,’ Lirin said, playing with one of the spheres on the table, rolling it beneath his fingers. ‘You’ll have to learn this, Kal. When men perceive the world as being right, we are content. But if we see a hole—a deficiency—we scramble to fill it.”

This feels like how Lirin is acting in Rhythm of War.

Y’know it really makes sense why Kabsal would be working for Thaidakar.

Is…Kabsal attempting to get Shallan to join the Ghostbloods? Rhythm of War makes me wonder how honest Kabsal was towards Shallan. Yeah, Jasnah thought Kabsal was just manipulating her but she didn’t say how she knew this.

“He smiled, then drew the bow across the edge of the metal plate, making it vibrate. The sand hopped and bounced, like tiny insects dropped onto something hot.

‘This,’ he said, ‘is called cymatics. The study of pattern that sounds make when interactive with a physical medium.’

As he drew the bow again, the plate made a sound, almost a pure note. It was actually enough to draw a single music spren, which spun for a moment in the air above him, then vanished. Kabsal finished, then gestured to the plate with a flourish.”

Well, Rhythm of War certainly made this more interesting.

“Bridgemen aren’t supposed to survive. There’s something about that. He wouldn’t be able to ask Lamaril. That man had gotten what he deserved, though. If Kaladin had the ability to choose, such would be the end of all lighteyes, the king included.

Your inner Moash is showing.

“I want you to go back into the barrack and tell the men to come out after the storm. Tell them to look up at me tied here. Tell them I’ll open my eyes and look back at them, and they’ll know that I survived.”

No wonder a religion might be forming around Kaladin.

“Teft lingered too, as if thinking to spend the storm with Kaladin. He eventually shook his head, muttering and joined the others. Kaladin thought he heard the man calling himself a coward.”—Page 517

Brandon Sanderson, leave me the fuck alone.

“‘Taking the Dawnsahrds, known to bind any creature voidish or mortal, he crawled up the steps crafted for Heralds, ten strides tall apiece, toward the grand temple above.’—From The Poem of Ista. I have found no modern explanation of what these ‘Dawnshards’ are. They seem ignored by scholars, though talk of them was obviously prevalent among those recording the early mythologies.”—Page 524

Wait…who’s he? And aw man this becomes more relevant in a few years.

“‘Then you’re not a murderer,’ Kaladin said.

‘Not for want of trying.’ Sigzil eyes grew distant. ‘I thought for certain I succeeded. It was not the wisest choice I made. My master…’

‘Is he the one you tried to kill?’

‘No.’”

We need some backstory.

Marabethia sounds similar to Twitter.

“It claimed that humming of all things, could make a Soulcasting more effective.”

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

“That isn’t the kind of thing the Dawnsingers did. They were healers, kindly spren by the Almighty to care for humans once were forced out of the Tranquiline Halls.”

Is…that right?

“‘We believe that the Voidbringers were real, Shallan. A scourge and plague.. A hundred times they came upon mankind. First casting us from the Tanquiline Halls, then trying to destroy us here on Roshar. They weren’t just spren that hid under rocks, then came out to steal someone’s laundry. They were creatures of terrible destructive power, forged in Damnation creature from hate.’

‘By whom?’ Shallan asked.

‘What?’

‘Who made them? I mean, the Almighty wasn’t likely to have ‘created something from hate.’ So what made them?’

‘Everything has its opposite, Shallan. The Almighty is a force of good. To balance his goodness, the cosmere needed the Voidbringers as his opposite.’”—Pages 634-635

Thaidakar’s reveal really makes Kabsal a more…suspicious character. Like how much does he actually know? How much does Thaidakar actually know? Also, I don’t know if Odium is the opposite of Honor. I guess we’d need all 16 shards names to compare.

“A city where people lived in gigantic, hollowed out stalactites hanging beneath a titanic sheltered ridge.”

EXCUSE ME WHAT

“‘I doubt many would disagree. But I mention these horrors for a purpose. You see, it has been my experience that no matter where you go, you will find some who abuse their power.’ He shrugged. ‘Eye color is not so odd a method, compared to many others I have seen. If you were to overthrow the lighteyes and place yourselves in power, Moash, I doubt that the world would be a very different place. The abuses would still happen. Simply to other people.’

Kaladin nodded slowly, but Moash shook his head. ‘No I’d change the world, Sigzil. And I mean to.’”

Hmmm, yeah that didn’t exactly work out.

“‘That makes you wiser, presumably?’

‘Damnation no,’ Teft said. ‘The only thing it proves is that I’ve more experience staying alive than you.’”

Brandon. Leave. Me. Alone.

“Cenn stopped wheezing. He convulsed once, eyes still open. ‘He watches!’ the boy hissed. ‘The black piper in the night. He holds us in his palm…playing a tune that no man can hear!’”—Page 671

Is…is that a reference to El?

“I’m sorry I drove you to suicide. Here’s some bread.”

How people on this website think Moash’s redemption arch is gonna go.

“‘…why Thaidakar would risk this?’ Amaram was saying, speaking in a soft voice. ‘But who else would it be? The Ghostbloos grow more bold.’”—Page 701

Jasnah was complaining last chapter how she hates being wrong but she was wrong about Shallan’s intentions and that Amaram is not as smart as he seems. Yeah, he’s wrong about who sent the shardbearer to kill him but if I was in the cosmere and someone tried to kill me, I would assume it was Thaidakar. On that note, holy fuck, I need to know what conversation prompted both Gavilar and Amaram to assume that someone trying to kill them had to be Thaidakar. I really hope that Gavilar’s pov is next for KOWT for his death so maybe we could get a conversation where they talk to Thaidakar through cube skype or maybe this avatar (whatever the hell that means.) God Rhythm of War makes this scene so much funnier.

“You’d have changed your mind. In a day or two, you’d have wanted the wealth and prestige—otehrs would have convinced you of it. You’d have demanded that I return them to you. It took hours to decide, but Restares is right—this is what must be done. For the good of Alethkar.”—Page 703

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—this is why we reread—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Kaladin is going to have some words with Restares.

What happened to Baxil and Av?

?????????????????????????? Why do these two Ardents know about the Physical/Cognitive/Spiritual realm?

“Eight weeks? Forty days of winter at once? That war rare.”—Page 728

Did the weather used to be more consistent on Roshar?

Oh god Rhythm of War has made the Recreance so hard to read.

“If I abandon my principles, then I become something far worse than they. A hypocrite.”—Page 741

A hypocrite is a just a man changing or something. I forget the quote.

“Have you been paying much attention to the conflict between the Tukari and the Emuli?”—Page 753

“And the Tukari are led by that god-priest of theirs, Tezim.”—Page 754

Look at the foreshadowing.

“‘Just as Hatham wishes his partner in negotiations to know of his goodwill, I wish you to know of our goodwill toward you, Brightlord.’

Dalinar frowned. He’d never had much to do with the ardents—his devotary was simple and straightforward. Dalinar got his fill of politics with the court; he had little desire to find more religion. ‘Why? What should it matter if I have goodwill toward you?’

The ardent smiled. ‘We will speak with you again.’ He bowed low and withdrew.”—Pages 756-757

OKAY AT FIRST I THOUGHT THIS WAS FUNNY BECAUSE THE ARDENTS GET VERY MIFFED AT DALINAR IN OATHBRINGER BUT “we” HOLY SHIT THAT’S ONE OF BUG PEOPLE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I can imagine why this bug man wants his goodwill because they’re pretty sure he’ll destroy them.

“‘This thing will not happen,’ Rock said. ‘Is impossible to get sphere out of the chasms.’

‘We could swallow them,’ Moash said.

‘You would choke. Spheres are too big, eh?’

‘I’ll better I could do it,’ Moash said. His eyes glittering, reflecting the verdant Stormlight. ‘That’s more money than I’ve ever seen. It’s worth the risk.’”—Page 766

I swear to god, one of these days Moash is going to swallow a sphere.

“You call him the Stormfather, here in Alethkar.”

So people in Alethkar think that Jezerin and the Stormfather are the same person?

“Light grows so distant. The storm never stops. I am broken, and all around me have died. I weep for the end of all things. He has won. Oh, he has beaten us.”

O…Oh man, I hope this isn’t foreshadowing for KOWT.

“We should have expected this, Dalinar thought. We started bringing two armies to a plateau, so they have done the same.”—Page 781

Interesting that Kaladin thought about this when fighting the Fused by Dalinar didn’t fighting the Listeners

“When other men failed, a field of crops got worms in them. When a surgeon failed someone died.”

Well…if your crops fail then you could very much cause a town to starve to death.

“Though there was one thing he clung to. An excuse, perhaps, like the dead emperor. It was the soul of the wretch. Apathy. The belief that nothing was his fault, the belief that he couldn’t change anything. If a man was cursed, or believe he didn’t have to care, then he didn’t need to hurt when he failed. Those failures couldn’t have been prevented. Someone or something else had ordained them.”

Those are some fucking foils right there.

“They watch me. Always. Waiting. I see their face in mirrors. Symbols, twisted, inhuman…”

Babbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbby

“I wish to sleep. I know now why you do what you do, and I hate you for it. I will not speak of the truths I see.”

The sibling?

“I’d surrendered my plans, but you’ve returned them to me. I’ll guard you with my life, Kaladin. I swear it to you, by the blood of my fathers.”—Page 881

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

LISTEN I KNOW ELHOKAR IS AN IDIOT BUT HE’S MY IDIOT

“The further you look, the more pieces that wind breaks into.”—Page 995

That’s interesting

“A champion could work well for you, but it is not certain. And…without the Dawnshards…”—Page 997

Well, we’ll see how Rysn plays into this.

#Brandon Sanderson #way of kings #Stormlight Archive #cosmere #TaylorRereadsSA

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dearest-bucky · 4 years

Text

Ask to be unbroken (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: What does it take to break down the walls of a scared, broken heart?

Words: 5.1K

Warnings: Sadness, emotionally traumatized reader, crying, fluffy ending of course!

A/n: I feel this fic on a personal level, considering this reader is loosely based on myself, so I really hope you guys will like it. Feedback is greatly appreciated! x

Originally posted: May 16, 2020

“Will you go on a date with me?”

Out of everything she could have imagined him ask, he went and asked her out on a date. Why would he do that anyway? Why would he want to go out with her? It’s not like she is the most beautiful girl in New York. Hell, she probably isn’t the most beautiful girl inside the small bookstore she owned, crowded with people as he asked the question that literally rendered her speechless.

Her mouth was suddenly dry and despite the fact that she knew it would have probably taken him a great deal to work up the courage and ask her on a date, she had to refuse.

Fumbling with the pages of the book that was currently in her hands, eyes not daring to meet his, she finally managed to speak up enough for him to hear. “I’m sorry, Bucky I don’t think that’s a good idea.” And that’s all it took for him to apologize too, before moving up from the chair he was sitting, right opposite of her and left the bookstore without so much of another word.

It was just another work day at the bookstore, not too many people as there usually were, but enough to keep her on her feet all the time. The little bell that informed her of the door opening rang with it’s usual ring and her attention moved from the young student in front of her to the direction of the door, where a tall, handsome man just entered. She greeted him with a smile as she did all of the people who came in the bookstore, before returning her gaze to the aforementioned girl, continuing to help her with the literature she needed.

Most of the people had bought whatever books they needed and left, leaving inside the bookstore only her with a couple of costumers, an old woman that was sitting in one of the armchairs near the window, reading a novel in peace, and as she looked in his direction again, the handsome stranger that she had seen for the first time in her life and in her shop. She was sure she would have remembered his face if he’d come before. He was moving along the shelves, looking for nothing in particular as it seemed, until Y/n cleared her throat before speaking to him. “Hi there, do you need help with finding anything?” Her voice was sweet and polite, just like every other time she spoke to anyone.

The stranger turned his body slightly in her direction, his eyes - the bluest she’d ever seen in her life, she concluded - meeting her figure. “ I-um.. I was actually just looking.” He spoke, unsure. That was a little weird, she thought, before he spoke up again, this time giving his tone a little more force, trying to sound more sure in himself. “My friend said I need to catch up on literature and I don’t know… Anything that is worth reading?” He finished, trailing as the question left his lips.

“Well, anything you are interested in? What do you usually enjoy reading?”

“I’m not sure…” His eyes drifted towards the shelf of books again as he tried to focus on reading the titles in front of him.

She looked at him curiously, then moved her eyes to the books too, not wanting to seem like a creep staring him down. “Don’t worry, I will help you find something.” She stretched her hand out to pat him on the forearm as a sign on friendliness - she always tried to make people feel welcome and touching was like her way of showing she cared - but as soon as she did so, she noticed him stiffen and take a step back from her, so she quickly retreated her halfway up hand, mumbling out an apology. As he retreated from her, she could notice a flicker of silver shine from the little ridden up sleeve of his hoodie and her mind clicked in recognition.

He could only muster up a half smile and shook his head to let her know it was okay, and they both walked to the front of the shop, where the old lady was still present with her nose buried in the book she was holding in her old, a little shaky hands.

She moved calmly and carefully around the desk that served also as the cash registering place for all the buying and sells and opened a drawer under the said desk, holding two books, that looked, from their appearance older than she was. She straightened her blouse before turning to him again, a small smile resting on her lips despite the awkward situation just a couple of minutes ago.

“Here.” She said and offered the books to him, careful to not touch his hands as he took them from her. He inspected the books, reading their titles in a mumbled voice before looking up to her again, a small smile making its way on his own lips.

“How much are these?” He asked and she only shook her head before responding again.

“These are actually not for sale. They’re first editions and very valuable to me, but I’m willing to lend them to you so you can read them. If you like them you can come back and then buy something else.” She finished, her smile widening more as she spoke, but he only squinted his eyes in disbelief at her action. She was too trusting for her own good, he thought and he couldn’t help the question from slipping past his lips.

“How are you so sure I’ll bring your books back?“Something flickered in her eyes, amusement, glee, he wasn’t sure what was it, only looking at her pointedly as he waited for her to respond.

"Well, I’m no genius or whatever, but I wouldn’t suspect of Bucky Barnes as a book thief.” His eyes widened in shock, for a short second, before he took in a quick breath he didn’t know he was short of. She had recognized him. But that wasn’t the real important thing. She had recognized him and she wasn’t scared of him. A ghost of a smile formed on his lips in wonder.

After that day he had come back to the bookstore again and again. At first, his visits were sporadic and short, long enough only to exchange books with her and then leave, but after the first two months of that he started to visit more often, until after three months, he would stop everyday at the bookstore. He’d spend most of his time there, the small bell informing of his arrival early in the morning, only a half hour after she opened, two cups of coffee in one hand and a paper bag of pastries in the other, their usual breakfast. He’d usually talk with Y/n and help her organize the books on shelves, or when there were too many costumers and she needed to be with them, he’d sit on the purple armchair opposite the old woman - he’d learned her name was Pearl - and read a book of his own.

Whenever he was on a mission, he’d make sure to let her know he couldn’t make it to the shop that day or however long it took and it was 8 months later and he was feeling himself fall a little more every day for her.

She had this calm presence that he almost craved, what with his crazy life as an Avenger, and she was always kind and sweet. And not only to him. She treated everyone she met with the same kindness, always careful when she spoke, making sure each person she interacted with was feeling comfortable in her presence. And he loved her for that. Up until now, their meetings were only limited in the small space of her bookstore and while it pleased Bucky to simply be in her company, he wanted to get to know her outside her shell of a shop too.

Usually, when she closed around 9 pm, he’d be with her to help her until the end, but they always separated their ways in front of the small pink door of the book store, him mounting his motorcycle and riding to the compound, and her walking the short distance of two blocks until her apartment.

That night though, Bucky didn’t want to be separated from her just yet, so he offered to walk her and after a small moment of hesitance, she slowly nodded her head. “I can come back for my bike later.” He said as they made their way in the direction of her apartment.

They were walking slowly beside each other, the sounds of New York City never dying as they tried to hold a conversation. Despite having known him for almost a year now, she still didn’t dare be too intrusive, knowing how he struggled with almost everything after all that had happened to him. And she didn’t blame him at all for that, she could never. She respected him too much for that.

“We have a mission tomorrow.” He said as they walked, kind of out of the blue, considering they had been talking about the drinking habits of Hemingway just a moment ago before they’d fallen in a comfortable silence.

“Oh.” It was the only thing that left her lips. She knew his job as an Avenger was demanding, keeping him away on missions more often than not, but she couldn’t say anything about it. She could only worry in silence.

“Yeah, um, it will probably last a week or two. Depends on how helpful Sam is in this one.” He tried to joke, noticing how she had visibly stiffened a little when he turned his head on the side to look at her. But she didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile. It was as if she hadn’t heard him at all.

Voices shouting, nearing them with each passing second could be heard and Bucky turned to the direction of the noises to assess the situation, his body working on auto pilot, looking around for possible threats. All he was met though were the loud, screeching voice of a woman and the grunts and yells of a man following behind her. They seemed like just another couple fighting so he let them be, not one to meddle in other people’s business as long as they didn’t hurt anybody. People were looking at them intently, eager to follow the drama unfolding before them, but he simply shook his head at the sight and turned to look again at Y/n, only to not find her beside him where she was a moment ago. He was so confused for a second, until he saw her in front of him, walking alone, trying to get away from all the yelling and cursing.

With a few quick strides he was able to catch up with her, his right hand taking a light hold of her wrist, stopping her dead on her tracks. “Y/n?” He turned her to look at him, confused by her behavior. “What happened?”

She didn’t speak right away, only picked up her head to slowly meet his eyes, her own glazed with unshed tears and his confusion turned to worry, he was quick to place a hand on her cheek and caress the soft skin of her face. “Hey, are you okay?” His voice was small and cautious, as if he was scared she’d explode like a bomb if he weren’t extra delicate with her. She only nodded her head and took a step back, his hand falling down from her face while she did so.

“Y-yeah.” She stammered out. “I’m okay, I just need to go home.” As soon as she finished her sentence she turned to walk again, confusing Bucky even more but he didn’t let her go away, following behind her and walking beside her until they arrived in front of a tall building and she stopped. The remainder of the way they had walked in silence, so when she turned to him, looking a little more put together than 10 minutes ago, he let out a small sigh of relief.

“This is me.” She spoke up and he could only offer her a small smile in return, not really knowing what else to say. She didn’t let him too much time to think though, as she spoke again. “Thanks for walking me. Good night Bucky.” Her voice was smaller than usual, as if she was scared of him and he couldn’t understand what happened that caused her change in demeanor, but he wasn’t about to let her go like that. He carefully wrapped his hand around her wrist again, just like he did before.

“I’ll text you when I’m away, okay?” He said to her, a hopeful glint in his eyes despite the timid tone of his voice as he said those words.

“Okay.” She replied, just a simple word before turning to walk towards the entrance of the building.

“Good night Y/n.” He spoke behind her, loud enough for her to hear despite the distance between them as she walked. She only turned her head back to offer him a small smile, before disappearing inside the building. That was all he needed anyway.

True to his word, Bucky had texted her as much as he could during the entire time he was away on his mission. Despite the slightly awkward way they parted the other night, he texted her as if nothing had happened, complaining about something Sam did, as usual, asking about her day, her work, the shop, Pearl, chatting the days away until he’d come back.

It was more than two weeks later that he did come back. 18 days to be exact, but who was counting? Certainly not Y/n. Despite the constant texts they exchanged, she missed not having him there with her at the bookstore. She missed seeing him reading in silence opposite to Pearl, stealing glances her way that he’d thought she didn’t notice while she was talking with other costumers. She missed the way his eyes wrinkled when he laughed at something Pearl said to him, or the way his brows pinched together in concentration when he focused on the pages of the books, the way his tongue poked out slightly, wetting his lips as he changed the pages. He had become a constant in her life, slowly but surely warming his way inside her heart.

When he first entered her shop she didn’t recognize him, but then after the dead giveaway that was his metal appendage she’d scolded herself for not identifying him sooner. She’s have saved herself the embarrassment and the awkwardness of that day. She still had managed to recover the situation rather nicely though.

Now as she sat close to Pearl, talking about no other than one Bucky Barnes, she couldn’t help the feeling of anxiety in her chest. She was starting to feel more than she should for him and it would be recommendable to stop before that went too far.

“I’m not saying that.” She tried to reason with the older woman who was without a doubt the most stubborn person on the planet. “I’m just saying that I’ve had enough of messed up relationships in my life I don’t need another one.”

Pearl scoffed in annoyance at her words. If there was someone she knew almost as well as she knew herself, that was Y/n. For almost five years now, she’d been a regular at the bookstore and getting to know the young woman, she’d concluded she was an amazing person who deserved only the very best of everything life could offer her. But she also had a lot of traumas from her past, relating mainly to the family she was raised in.

Her parents would fight a lot, her house never being a quiet and loving home, never a good enough place and environment to raise a child. Living in a war zone, as she usually called it, for the lack of a better word from her part, Y/n had swore she’d never become the same person as her parents were. When she was 18 and had just graduated high school, she’d left her hometown and moved to New York, alone, not knowing anyone in the city, but she’d made it, almost. 10 years later and she was a whole different person from the emotionally wounded girl she’d been when she had left her house, but no matter how much time had passed, the scars had left their marks. All over her soul.

“Listen to me sweetie.” Pearl started, determined to make her listen, and not only with her ears but also with her heart. “I know what you’re scared of, but you’re nothing like your parents. You’re a gentle soul and you’d never turn out to become like your mother and he is so kind and careful and his eyes shine so bright whenever he looks at you, it’s adorable.” She stopped for a moment to draw in a short breath and then with dreamy eyes, fixed her sight to Y/n, before speaking again. “Reminds me of my darling Rob.”

Y/n smiled at her last words, knowing Pearl’s story with her late husband Robert. It was one of her favorite love stories, but despite everything Pearl had told her, sharing her life with the younger woman in hopes to make her open up her mind and her heart to the possibilities of love, Y/n was still held prisoner of her childhood trauma. A miserable family makes for miserable kids. And miserable kids makes even more miserable adults.

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in love, because she did, she just didn’t believe love was for her. A loving family wasn’t in the cards for her. It never was anyway. Not even when she was an innocent child, still unfamiliar with the heartbreak and pain. Her very soul had been broken by the two people who were supposed to never hurt her, but she guessed it was what it was.

She would reply to Pearl again, but she stopped when she heard the bell on the door alert her of people coming in the shop. She turned her head to look at the new company and was surprised to see Bucky, smiling sheepishly at her from where he was standing. She gave a look to Pearl, who was smirking from her seat and got up from her own chair and walked to him, him meeting her halfway.

She held her breath as she took him in, he looked just like the last time she’d seen him, if only more handsome. There was a faint bruise on his cheekbone and she winced as she moved her hand up to brush her fingers lightly on it. “Hi.” She finally managed to speak a little breathless, but he didn’t seem to notice, too lost in her eyes to pay attention to the tone of her voice.

A long minute passed before he broke off the trance he was in and finally managed to whisper back to her. “Hi, doll.”

She was about to say something else, anything really, wanting to ask him about the mission, despite the fact that he wouldn’t be able to tell her much, to ask him if he was okay, if he was hurt, if he had eaten anything, but she couldn’t bring herself to form the words as she stared in his ocean blue eyes. And just after another short moment, the bell of the shop rang again and more people entered, as if Bucky had brought them with him.

They had to move away from each other as people roamed around the place, and Bucky walked to Pearl to greet her with a light hug. She patted his cheek affectionately in return and Y/n swore she caught the hint of a blush creep up his cheeks at the older woman’s gesture, it was endearing. However she didn’t have time to stay and watch them as she was needed to help a kid no more than 12 years old find a book.

After some time, she was finally able to take a breath and sit down, seeing nobody needed her help for the moment, the people around roaming through the shelves and fending for themselves. She walked to the corner Bucky was sitting with Pearl, but the latter wasn’t there anymore. Y/n raised her eyebrow in question as she sat down to the chair she had been previously sitting.

“To the vendor outside.” He pointed outside the window, seeing a street vendor sell hot dogs and cotton candy. She could see Pearl talking to the men and she smiled at the sight, before turning her attention to Bucky.

“How are you? How was the mission?” She asked, sincerity and care evident in her voice.

“Too long.” Were his only words of reply and she only nodded at him. Too long to go without seeing your face everyday , he wanted to say but didn’t dare speak those words.

A long silence stretched between them, neither of them knowing what else to say. They had both missed each other so much but neither was about to admit that out loud. Too scared, too anxious to mess anything up.

After what felt like too long for his liking, Bucky finally managed to clear his throat, as if the very action would help him gain some courage to speak up. “I-um.. I was actually wondering…” He started to speak, so unsure in himself it made Y/n think of the first time they’d met and he’d spoken to her. “Well, I’ve been thinking while I was away, and I wanted to ask you something.” He finally managed to drawl out the words.

He knew there was no turning back after this, once the words left his mouth, things would change between them, but if he didn’t ask he’d drive himself crazy with the thoughts of what ifs. So he steeled his nerves before speaking up again.

I like you Y/n,“ He started again and saw her eyes widen at his confession. "I really do like you, and I was hoping we could go out sometimes, you know…” He trailed, unsure of how to finish, but she didn’t speak so he had to fill the quietness somehow, too nervous to bare the sound of silence. “So, will you go on a date with me?”

He was staring at her, hoping to hell that she said something before he lost his nerve and broke down in front of her. Hopeful eyes were staring up at her own confused, scared? ones and he couldn’t help the panic that rose in his chest, already knowing what her answer would be.

“I’m sorry, Bucky I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Her voice felt distant as she spoke the words and he couldn’t stand to be in her presence anymore, too ashamed to even look in her eyes now. He nodded his head - not asking for another explanation, he got his answer - and walked out of the book store without another glance back.

He felt foolish. He had ruined everything because he’d caught feelings for her. He had wanted to tell her he loved her, but he was glad he went for ‘like’ instead, otherwise it would’ve been twice as embarrassing. It was enough that he had killed himself for more than two weeks trying to muster up the courage and let her know how he felt. Now of course she thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to date him. Who in their right mind would want to date him anyway? He knew all too well what was wrong with him, but it didn’t mean her rejection hurt any less because of that.

He almost crashed into Pearl as she was walking back to the bookstore and with a quick apologize to her, he practically ran to his bike, wanting nothing more than to get away from there.

Y/n was inside the shop, face hidden in her hands when Pearl re-entered, confusion written on her features. “What happened?” She asked, sounding almost alarmed, and only then did Y/n pick up her head to look at the older woman, tears streaming down her cheeks rapidly.

Pearl walked to her and placed the food she’d bought on the small table before placing both her hands on Y/n’s shoulder and that was all it took for the girl to hug her tightly, sobbing in her chest like a small child, afraid and hurt.

“Shh.. It’s okay dove.” She reassured, voice calm and sweet as she patted her back softly. If the other people inside the shop saw the entire scene unfold in front of them, they didn’t dare stare for too long, each minding their own business, focused on different books on their hands.

“I think I messed up.” She said in between sobs, loud enough for Pearl to hear.

“What happened?”

“He asked me on a date and I rejected him.” She explained shortly, the older woman urging her to calm her breathing pattern, to stop the heavy sobs and crying. Eventually she did and wiped her face with the back of her hands, releasing her grip on Pearl and moving to sit on the chair next to hers.

“It’s okay.. Everything will be okay.” The woman kept repeating until it became some sort of a mantra to both of them.

It had been nearly a week since the day he’d asked her out and she said no, and ever since that day, he never came back to the bookstore again, never texted her or called her. Y/n could understand his reasoning. He had every right to cut her off, after the way she’d let him down without so much as an explanation. Not that she owed anyone any explanation for simply saying no, but this was Bucky she was talking about. He deserved anything she could give him and then some more. But she’d been scared, and honestly she still was. The emotional trauma she’d experienced from her parents relationship was still scarring her, but she wanted to put an end to it. She wanted to break free from that. She wanted to be able to love Bucky and have him love her in return and be happy with him. It could happen, couldn’t it?

She had tried to pull herself together and text him or call him and ask to see him again, but every time she picked up her phone to do so, she’d lose the nerve and throw it carelessly away.

After the long day she had, leaving her exhausted not only physically but also emotionally, she finally managed to wrap things up for the day, ready to close the shop and call it a day. Outside the rain was pouring down like crazy, it wasn’t even normal considering it was almost the end of spring and she was wondering how’d she get home in this weather without an umbrella. It wasn’t raining in the morning when she had left her apartment anyway.

She was placing the large notebook where she kept her records of the shop in the drawer under her desk, ready to take off when the too familiar ring of the bell was heard and without looking up, she answered in auto pilot, voice polite as always, but a hint of tiredness was evident in it. “Sorry, I’m closing up now. You could come back tomorrow.”

She picked her head up to look at the new presence in the shop and when her eyes met his figure her breath hitched behind her throat. Bucky. There he was, sopping wet, droplets of rain dripping from his hair and his clothes to the floor, making a puddle around him. He carefully pulled out a book from inside his jacket and walked towards Y/n, placing the book on her desk.

“I just came to return this. I’m gonna leave now.” His voice was thick with emotion, as if he was trying to hold back tears or something and Y/n couldn’t help but feel guilty for that. It’d been her fault that he seemed so sad, so… miserable.

Yeah, miserable she thought. Miserable people only make other miserable people. But as she saw him turn around to leave, just like he had the last time she’d seen him, she decided right then and there that she was done being a miserable person. She was done being scared, she was done closing her heart off, done running away from her feelings.

“Bucky…” it escaped her lips almost in a hurry, afraid if she lost another second he’d leave again, but he heard her and he turned around instantly, as if he had waited for her to call him. She walked around her desk and towards him, her steps slow but sure as she closed the distance between them both. He could only stare at her in disbelief as she neared him, too scared to move as if she’d disappear if he did anything uncalculated.

Without so much as another word, she placed both of her hands on his wet cheeks and hesitantly placed her lips on his. She kissed him sweetly, but she broke the contact way too soon, seeing he hadn’t returned the kiss at all.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just…” She let go of his face, trying to take a step back but he didn’t let her, his hands finding her waist and keeping her still there. He kept looking at her, waiting for her to say something else, his hands squeezing her waist in a silent encouragement for her to speak again, so she did. “Ask me again, please?” Her voice was small as she said those words but Bucky didn’t miss it, a ghost of a smile creeping up his lips.

He waited a bit before parting his lips to form the words. “Will you go on a date with me?”

Her eyes fluttered closed and she couldn’t suppress the smile that bloomed on her own lips upon hearing his voice. “Yes Bucky, I would love to.” She replied sweetly with the words she should have said the first time he asked her. His smile widened at her response and this time he was the one to lock their lips in a kiss, hesitant at first, then confident but always sweet and gentle.

As Bucky kissed her lips, she could feel her walls crumbling down with loud thuds and echoes inside her soul, but she could tell she was safe with him. She had a long way to go before she could be 100% free of every insecurity and past pain, but being in his arms, there was no doubt she’d ever be broken again.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagines

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