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graphicabyss · 3 years

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I watched The Falcon And The Winter Soldier and I liked it more that I expected, although frankly I didn't expect much. Overall, I love the setting, the cinematography and the character development. The director and the writers did an excellent job. But it also sent me down an emotional roller-coaster and that's the thing I really need to talk about.

I know there are countless rants about TFATWS, Endgame, queerbaiting and poor MCU narratives but I've never really been hanging out in the fandom until recently so for me it's my first one and I need to get it off my chest. It's gonna be long.

It was interesting to see where the show's gonna take things but start to end there was an elephant in the room. It doesn't sit well with me the way they completely sidestepped the Steve Rogers issue. Like, "we didn't make this mess, so we're not gonna go there". And it's just wrong. You can't just avoid the subject altogether and pass it on for future writers to handle. Also, you see Bucky so sad and lonely it breaks your heart. And this inevitably made me think about Endgame and Cap's storyline. I didn't feel like writing it all down after Endgame but now all these thoughts and feelings came up again and I need to get it off my chest. If they ended it all at Endgame, and I thought they did, it would have been fine, sort of. We'd forgive some loose ends. But they didn't end it there and that makes them fully responsible for this mess. I mean, I didn't hate Cap's ending. After all, it could have been worse. Steve could get together with Sharon like in the comics and they probably considered it at some point but the reactions were so bad they backed down and dragged Peggy along. Still, the ending just felt forced, no matter how you look at it. The thing is, if I knew about it after the first movie, I'd rejoice. But at this point, after everything that went down after, it just doesn't feel right. I love Peggy and I can't deny the dance scene made me flutter a little but now I wish this was Steve's way to keep his promise before going back. In the end, Peggy would be fine without him. She had a good life, she made a career and a family. We know that thanks to Agent Carter. And we got many cues that Steve and Peggy's relationship, as important as it was, was over. Her saying goodbye to him by destroying the serum, him carrying her casket... Yet, Endgame effectively undermined that basically erasing all of these events from existence and making Peggy just a prize for Captain America. On the other hand, Bucky needed Steve the most. And the show made it clear how bruised and broken he was. Bucky and Steve's relationship was the closest of any relationship in the MCU. At that point it was clear Bucky was everything to him, the only one who could truly understand him. Steve lost him many times and every time he fought to bring him back, no matter how impossible it seemed. When Bucky was captured Steve went into an enemy base alone on a suicidal mission and saved him and everyone else. That's basically how he became Captain America. Then Bucky got killed in the war and it devastated him. Bucky returned as Winter Soldier and there was hardly any Bucky left in him but Steve nearly let himself be killed because he needed to save him and he trusted that James would not hurt him. When Bucky finally got to his senses, there was an ultimate war going on and in the Snap James fell to dust in front of Steve's eyes. It took 5 years to get him back. And as soon as Steve succeeded, he left him, along with the rest of his traumatized friends and the world in deep chaos, to be with Peggy in 1940's, thus throwing 12 years of his life away. It just didn't feel right. That does a disservice to both Steve and Peggy's storylines. But it's not just about Peggy or Bucky. Steve going back and living his life to return to that park as an old man has opened a rift with a host of questions. I tried to get to the bottom of it but it got me nowhere. According to Russo, when Steve went back he created an alternate reality. He also retired as Captain America. First off, I think he just made that up after to cover up the mess. If that was the case, Cap would return to the designated spot and not be sitting on a bench like he was waiting there all along. But, like, even if it was alternate reality, it could not be that different, right? He wouldn't just live in Peggy's basement, would he? He knew about the things to come like, you know, the HYDRA thing, and being the man that he was, he couldn't just sit and do nothing. Especially when Peggy was one of the founders of the SHIELD. Captain America or not, Steve would do everything to make this world a

better place. Also, if Steve went back after he crashed that plane, that means there's another Steve still locked in ice, which Russo confirmed. Even more importantly, in Steve's timeline Bucky is still with Hydra being tortured. There's no way he could leave him there. So much for the 'quiet life'. Then there are the writers of Endgame who claim that Peggy's two children are fathered by Steve. Really? That directly contradicts the earlier version that the father is a soldier Steve saved, which is shown in Agent Carter. Seriously, guys, if you're gonna make up random bullshit at least get your stories straight first. Fans love to make all sorts of theories to try and patch up the holes but the truth is, MCU is not just one mastermind's creation and the comics weren't either. It's bound to be a mess because it's created by dozens of writers and directors and each phase gets increasingly messier because it has to fit in with the 547 previously released movies and shows. I get that and I applaud the effort of Endgame but they really can't expect us to get involved with the characters only to see them being treated as an afterthought. And the thing is, I thought that it might be just me but after a quick survey of the fandom I realized that a lot of people feel the same way. If you look at the comment section of nearly any relevant video, you're gonna get top comments saying all these things. If Marvel listened just once maybe things would make more sense. And all these thoughts aren't necessarily what I wanted to see, but what would be right for the characters. And while I do love Stucky, I'm a reasonable shipper and I really didn't expect them to be canon gay or anything, I just wished they had at least spent some time together not fighting, just healing and catching up on their lives. Honestly, I don't always like the way people ship m/m characters in every show but this time it was really more than justified. The whole storyline going through Winter Soldier and Civil War was just massive queerbaiting. It was undeniably a love story, romantic or not. "Why do you ship male characters?" some people ask. Idk, maybe if the writers put half the effort into developing m/f relationships as they do m/m ones and not just randomly throw them together I might care about them. And MCU was terrible with romance. That traumatic kiss Steve had with Sharon Carter? In the comics, Steve did love Sharon but who cares? In MCU they met, like, twice. Mostly after Peggy's funeral. Peak romance. If they had to pick a new love interest they could go with Natasha. They cared about each other, they bonded in TWS and they were both dealing with some difficult issues. But they became just good friends, which I loved. Instead, Natasha got together with Banner? And then there's Wanda and Vision, which seemed like the most random of pairings with no buildup whatsoever. The wonderful world of heteronormativity where a witch/robot couple comes before a gay one. And the thing is, I only recently learned that there's some legit leverage to portray Bucky as gay. Bucky is based on two characters from the comics. Bucky Barnes was Steve's teen sidekick, kinda like Robin, so this origin was too weird for MCU. Instead, the writers used the origin story from a character named Arnie. It was a boy Steve grew up with, a boy who protected him from bullies, and a boy who kept inviting Steve to these double dates. A boy who was gay. Which wasn't explicitly stated but was pretty obvious. And this was in 1984. So making Bucky gay would be neither woke nor against 'canon'. It would be way overdue. So with TFTWS it was nice to see Bucky recover and bond with Sam but to me the whole ending also felt a bit excessively positive and this time the queerbaiting felt even more intentional, almost as if the writers wanted to distract the discontent fans with a new shiny ship so they forgot all the things they were mad about. Like, of course I want Bucky to be happy but also I hate the way the show's pushing the idea that he just needs to get over losing Steve and move

on with his life already because surely all his problems come from his inability to trust people and not trying hard enough, and not from being brainwashed and tortured for 70 years and then losing the only person who loved and cherished him.

#MCU #Endgame rant #Stucky #TFATWS #Marvel

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sophielovesbarnes · 4 years

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Longing

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst and a bit of smut

Request: Hiya 😊 I'd love to request something with Bucky please! When they held him captive at Hydra he saw another prisoner (the reader) but he was still in the WS mindset, like not really caring. But once he escaped he started to remember her and he goes back to save her because he felt somethingforher? If that makes any sense lol thank you so much in advance ❤

Author note: Hey! I’m so sorry this took so long, but here it is, i hope you enjoy it,let me know what you think.

Requests are open.

It’s the fifth night in a row he gets woken up by the same nightmare. He is back in Hydra. He’s on the chair, and his nightmare is filled with screams. The thing is that the screams he listens to are not his, they are someone else’s. He recognizes the screams; he knows he has heard them before, every time he replays them in his mind the memory of y/e/c eyes and soft y/s/c skin floods his mind.

Suddenly he finds himself longing for someone he barely remembers, and it steals all his concentration, he can’t focus, he can’t eat, or sleep, or aim, and it is driving him crazy.

How can he feel something so intense for someone he doesn’t know?

He goes to the kitchen because he knows for a fact that he won’t be able to get any more sleep, so he drinks, because he hopes that vodka will numb the way he feels his chest rips apart, leaving a bleeding hole behind.

He has to find her; she has got to be real.

“I’m starting to believe you don’t sleep man.” Sam takes the bottle from his hands and stares at him. “Isn’t it a bit early to drink?”

Bucky snatches the bottle back from his hands and gives him a death glare.

“Piss off, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“We could ask you the same thing.” Steve adds.

He hesitates but after a few moments he gets to the decision that speaking about it may make things better.

“Can’t sleep.” Steve sits next to him and looks at him with attention. “I keep having the same nightmare, I’m with Hydra and I hear a girl scream, they are torturing her and I can’t do anything about it, and I want to do something, I really do, but I can’t.”

“I just keep thinking about her...” He takes a sip straight from the bottle and then continues. “What if she is real? What if she is not a product of my mind?”

“I hear you man, but we have wiped out every single Hydra facility, there was no girl.”

“Yeah, I know.” He puts the bottle down, and he rubs his face. “It’s just, she feels so real.”

“Then let’s look for her, maybe she escaped, I mean, you made it out, maybe she did as well.” Steve adds.

“How do we find her?”

“Same way we found you, we look into their files, we ask around, we find a trail and find her, what do you know about her? Name, age, anything?”

“No, I don’t remember anything, I remember her face, her eyes, but no name.”

“We’ll find a way, Buck, we will.”

***

Your name comes to his mind one night, and it hits him the same way that waves hit rocks in the open ocean, it drains all the air from his lungs and leaves him heaving desperately trying to recover himself from it.

Y/N Y/L/N.

It echoes in his mind, over and over, the gale of emotions hitting him over and over again mercilessly.

Y/N Y/L/N.

He remembers your name, he remembers everything, he remembers how fiercely you fought every day, how you never gave up, he remembers your y/e/c eyes filled with fear every time they dragged you to the chair, he remembers how you looked at him, begging for help, he remembers how he did nothing and just stood there watching them torture you.

He remembers everything, and he has got to find you.

He will find you.

****

The hardest thing of being a runaway is not being able to have a home, the idea of having strings and a place to call home felt unreachable, every day you are haunted with the memory of soft blue eyes, torturing chairs and echoing screams.

You are filled with rage; they stole your home, your childhood, your innocence; Hydra took everything from you, and you were going to make them pay.

You are a mutant, with the ability to heal any wound and learn everything about any person with just touching them, that’s why they took you when you were only ten.

For years Hydra used your gifts to get information from their enemies and heal the Winter Soldier after his missions.

He was the one who took you away from your home; the Winter Soldier, but your hate has never been directed towards him, you knew his story, you knew they took as much from him as they took from you.

For some reason you always felt attracted to him, like a magnetic force was calling you, as the years passed your attraction did nothing but grow; until he disappeared after the Triskelion incident, leaving you alone and heartbroken.

And you stayed there, until the base where you were being held captive was attacked, giving you the chance of escaping, while everyone; including the Maximoff twins, were too busy defending the base you were able to take down the few guards that stayed behind and finally find your freedom.

It was easy to find your way out of Sokovia, and after that you never stopped running, not even when the Earth was attacked by aliens again, not even when half of the world was turned to dust.

But then one day people started to come back, families were reunited and the earth seemed to go back to normal, which meant that the last bits of Hydra that were scattered around the world were back as well.

So you went back to running, changing looks, country and identity every couple months, that seemed to become a routine until one day you saw him on TV, the White Wolf, the companion of the new Captain America, Sam Wilson.

It was him.

The Winter Soldier.

So he made it out, he is free now, and the fact that he was willing to show himself on open TV meant one thing and one thing only, every single last bit of Hydra was taken down and he had broken down their programming, gaining himself back.

You grabbed your backpack and filled it with the few things you had, getting ready to leave yet another city, you throw the bag over your shoulders and leave the tiny apartment with a mission on your mind.

You had to find James Buchanan Barnes.

***

Since he remembered your name he hasn’t been able to take you out of his mind; out of the sudden he finds himself drowning in your memory, kind eyes, soft skin and plump lips, one day it hits him.

He is in love with you.

He is desperately and irrevocably in love with a woman he barely remembers; he is in love with a ghost and he is willing to do anything to find you.

All they have been able to find is a file, left behind on a Hydra base, there isn’t much, just a log of your reaction to the chair and a picture of you, that he cherishes as his most valuable possession. Every single system Stark owns is now programmed to locate you, Stark created an algorithm (whatever that is) that is supposed to catch any move you make.

When that happened he would get alerted of your location and finally he would be able to find you.

He was scared of course.

After all, he was the one who kidnapped you, he stood there watching them torture you, he abandoned Hydra without ever doing anything to rescue you.

So with all of that, what if you hated him?

Of course you would be entitled to do so, but he knew he wouldn’t stand the hate in your eyes; so he makes a decision, when they find you he won’t do anything to approach you, he just wants to know that you are alive, safe and sound, that will be enough.

“You know that staring at the screen won’t make it work faster, right?” His train of thought is interrupted by the voice of his best friend, he gives a huff in response without taking his eyes away from the monitor. “When was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know, Tuesday?” He answers absentmindedly.

“Buck, it’s Friday, you have got to stop, this isn’t healthy.”

“I have to find her Steve, I hurt her so bad, and I just need to make sure she's fine.”

“We don’t even know if she is still…”

“If she is still what? Say it Steve.”

“We don’t even know if she is still alive, you were in Hydra for 70 years Bucky, for all we know she could be long gone.”

“Until the opposite is proven, she is alive, I know she is, I can feel it.”

“Okay Buck.” Steve says softly. “We’ll keep looking.”

“Captain Rogers.” Announces a robotic voice that Bucky has learnt to identify as F.R.I.D.A.Y. “Thor, Bruce and the Maximoff twins are back from their mission.”

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y. any updates on the search?”

“Nothing yet, I will inform you as soon as there is a match.”

Bucky barely registers the interaction, he is lost in your eyes, they scanned the picture and it is now displayed on real size on the screen, he longs to touch you, to trace your soft cheeks and to join his lips with yours.

“That’s Y/N.” That single comment snaps him out of his train of thought, he turns around and sees Wanda standing on the door. “Why are you looking for her?”

“Wait, you know her?” He jumps out of the chair and goes to her. “Wanda?

“Yeah I do, she was kept on the Sokovia base with us, she used to heal us after Hydra’s experiments.” Wanda replies. “She was the only kind person in there.”

“How long ago was that?”

“I’m not sure, but she was still there when Steve and the rest of the team took down the base.”

“Steve?” He asks, with desperation in his voice.

“We checked the base Buck, she wasn’t there.”

“Are you sure, maybe they took her with them?” His heart is racing so fast he feels it might escape his chest. “Maybe she was still there and you didn’t see her?”

“There was no one there Buck, I promise, but this is good, it gives us a place to start.”

“We have to go there, there might be a clue or something that can lead us to her.”

“Let’s go then.”

Fifteen minutes later he is in the Quinjet, together with Sam, Steve, the twins and Natasha. He can barely breath and he is so nervous he feels he might throw up, this is the first real clue they have, and even though he is trying to stay positive his mind can’t help but wander around the worst case scenario.

You could be dead.

He shoves the thought away and takes a deep breath.

Soon he will see you.

***

After a lot of meditation you make a decision you are probably going to regret.

You are going to the Avengers compound.

It’s the first place that comes to your mind, if James is working with Captain America again he has got to be there, or at least a clue of him.

It’s a risk of course, you know for a fact that they have very tight security protocols, especially after Thanos’ attack, number two, they probably relate you as an Hydra agent and it can be troublesome to prove the opposite.

You know that it’s your best shot to find him, even if you are not sure if he wants to see you.

But right now your main concern was getting there, without a passport or any kind of document to prove your identity there was no way you could get out of the country, leaving Sokovia wasn’t hard, you had left during the raid and hotwired a car, you spent the next few years traveling from one place to other, eventually your path lead you to Spain, once you were there it became easy to blend in.

But getting out of Spain was a complete different issue.

First things first, you had to get documents, you also had to plan your escape in a way that went unnoticed by Hydra or any other organization that had you as a target. With the Sokovia Accords the mere fact of being a mutant became a dangerous situation.

Getting the documents wouldn’t be so hard, you knew that Rodrigo; a habitual customer of the coffee shop you worked on, who later became one of your only friends; had a money laundry business, and that he was well connected with people that could make excellent forgeries, the tricky part would be getting him to trust you enough to tell you.

But he was the only person you knew that might have that kind of connection, so you had to take the risk.

So the next day you go to work determined to talk to him, at ten o’clock in the morning he crosses the door and orders his usual cappuccino and a spanish ham tapa.

“Okay Y/N, it’s now or never.” You whisper to yourself and put a fake smile on your face.

“Buenos días Rodrigo.” Good morning Rodrigo. You ask with an almost perfect spanish accent.

“Hola Lidia, ¿como estais?” Good morning Lidia, how are you? Lidia was the name you had chosen as an alias, and it was still hard to get used to it.

“No tan bien, he tenido algunos problemas.” Not so well, I have a problem.

“Lamento mucho oír eso, sabéis que podes contar conmigo para lo que sea.” I’m sorry to hear that, you know you can count on me for anything.

“De hecho, eso quería hablar contigo, quería pedirte un favor.” Actually, I wanted to talk about it with you. You sit on the chair in front of him and sigh.

“Lo que sea.” Anything

“Necesito salir del país, mi abuela se encuentra muy mal.” I need to get out of the country, my grandma is very sick

“¿Necesitas dinero?” Do you need money?

“No, no es eso.” No, it’s not that.

“¿Entonces?” Then?

“Lo que sucede es que no tengo papeles, ni pasaporte, ni visa, ni nada, todo lo he perdido cuando salí de Sokovia.” The thing is that I have no papers, no passport, or visa, or anything, I lost everything when I left Sokovia. His face hardens and he looks away. “¿Conocéis a alguien que pueda ayudarme?” Do you know anyone who can help me?

“No se que te hace pensar que tengo ese tipo de contactos Lidia.” I don’t know what makes you believe I have that kind of connection Lidia. He says with annoyance.

“Por favor Rodrigo, te lo ruego, te juro que no se lo diré a nadie.” Please Rodrigo, I swear I won’t tell anyone. You beg, he takes his keys and stands up. “Por favor.” Please

“Busca a Gary Rydell, estará en España por poco tiempo, se hospeda en el Royal Hideaway, si alguien puede ayudarte es él, decidle que vais de mi parte.” Find Gary Rydell, he will be in Spain for a couple days, he is staying at the Royal Hideaway if anyone can help you is him, tell him I sent you.

“Gracias Rodrigo.” Thank you Rodrigo.

“¿Y Lidia?” And Lidia?

“¿Si?” Yes?

“Ni una palabra de esto con nadie.” Not a single word of this to anyone. He takes the last sip of his cappuccino and leaves.

That very same day you are at the hotel he indicated, based on his memories Gary Rydell was a tall white man with the bluest eyes you had ever seen, you recognize him walking by the side of the pool, you decide that a straight approach is your best option, you walk towards him and he smiles.

“Well hello.”

“Hi.” You smile back and run your fingers through your hair. “You are Gary Rydell.”

“That I am, you seem to know my name but I don’t know yours.”

“Lidia Aguilar.”

“Lidia, can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.” You both go to the bar and order straight scotch for both of you.

“So, Lidia, what can I do for you?.”

“I have a problem, Rodrigo Ballesteros said that you are the right man to help me.”

“Straight to business, I like it, how can I help you?”

“I need to go to the United States, but I don’t have any paperwork, let’s just say that Lidia is just a couple of years old.”

He takes a sip from his glass and gives you a coy smile.

“What you are asking for can be tricky to get, you need an American passport and ID and those aren’t easy to get.”

“I am ready to pay anything it takes.”

“It would be ten grand.”

“Dollars?”

“Euros baby girl.” He corrects, you knew it would be expensive, but thanks to an Hydra account you had managed to hack, money wouldn’t be an issue.

“Alright, you got it.”

“But I’m afraid we might need to kill Lidia, it’s easier to get what you want with a name that already exists.”

“Okay, that’s fine.”

“Very good Lidia, we have a deal.”

Two weeks later you have assumed a new identity, Gary managed to get one that had your real name, you are now Y/N Talbot, a Californian girl that spent the last few years traveling. You have a one way plane ticket to New York.

****

The trip to Sokovia ended up being useless, there was no trail of you.

Wanda had managed to find the cage where you were kept in, there was a chair, similar to the one they used on him, the cell was made of three concrete walls and a glass one to keep you monitored.

Being this close to Hydra made him want to throw up.

The worst part was that he had hit yet another dead end, he was back to square one.

On the way back to New York, Bucky stays silent, even with Steve’s and Sam’s effort to cheer him up and make him speak.

When they get to the compound he goes straight to the room where they had all the monitors and a glass board where he had pinned all the clues they had on you and starts to take it all down.

“Buck, what are you doing?” Steve asks with concern.

“This is pointless, we will never find her!” He knocks the board down and it shatters when it touches the floor.

“You can’t give up.”

“We have been trying to find her for almost six months and we have nothing! We are as close to her as we were at the beginning!”

“Sergeant Barnes.” Says a robotic voice. “There is a match on Y/N Y/L/N.”

“What? Where?” Then an image is displayed on the screen.

And it’s like he can breathe for the first time in years, you are alive, safe and sound, and more beautiful than he remembered, his memories never did justice to the real you.

He is so excited to see you, that it takes him a while to realize where you are.

You are on the entrance of the compound.

****

When you see him a part of you it’s brought back to life, like the final piece of the puzzle finally fell to place.

He walks slowly towards you, like he is afraid of something.

You close the distance and look him in the eyes, and then you know it. That you love him and you would do anything for him.

“It’s you.”

Author note: I hope you guys liked it, let me know if you want a part two

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #marvel x you

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joonbird · 7 years

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Remedy

Some people you just can’t let go of. For you, that person is Min Yoongi. You’re holding onto him, even though you know you shouldn’t. He’s breaking you apart. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t walk away.

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: angst

wordcount: 4k

warning: elements of an emotionally toxic relationship

It always starts suddenly, and from something tiny and unimportant.

Something small, like when Mark from work sent you a work related text that ended with a casual ‘xo’. Or the time that you asked him to spend more time with you, only to be told you were being ‘too clingy’.

It was always something unimportant. Something small that quickly snowballed into a monstrosity. A passing sentence or action that morphed into an argument that lasted weeks. A tiny seed of something so small you never knew what would trigger a fight and what wouldn’t. That was how it always began with Yoongi.

Tonight, as expected, it started from something small. It had been an uneventful night, Yoongi had gotten in late from work and you had been watching him eat his dinner, unsure of how to approach him.

He was tired, irritable, and you had done your best to coax him out of his stormy mood. You were trying to do so by being a caricature of yourself, all flirty smiles and shoulder massages. Each time you touched him, he shrugged you off and stared moodily at the wall, blocking you out. He made it clear that he didn’t want you in his space, at all.

You were used to it by now from Yoongi. Your justifications for his moodiness were automatic. He was a tortured artist, a typical musician, as you told your friends.

Yoongi had recently gotten a huge knockback from a recording label. He had poured his heart and soul into an album, only to have it carelessly tossed aside by heartless executives and CEOs. They couldn’t care less about all the tears and emotions that had gone into the 11 songs he had written. Yoongi’s pride had taken a beating and it hadn’t helped that his childhood friend and sometime rival, Kim Namjoon, had just signed a record deal with that exact same company. Yoongi hadn’t mentioned it, but you could tell by the broodiness that had lingered within him during the last month, that it was weighing heavily on his mind. You tried to put yourself in Yoongi’s shoes- working 70 hour weeks, creatively stifled and recovering from the sting of blatant rejection, while his friend effortlessly got exactly what Yoongi had so badly craved for himself.

Yoongi was a complicated man to begin with, before all this had happened with his music career. He was layered, complex- he lived in his music and dwelled within a world of lyrics and harmonies half of the time. That was one of the things that had initially drawn you to Yoongi. He was passionate when you first met him, and confident. He told you he was going to succeed with such self-assurance that you never questioned it. So when he failed, it had been a shock to the system, to yours and his, like a bucket of cold ice drenching everything in its path.

Yoongi had funnelled so much money and effort into establishing his music career, and now, he was deep in debt. He was fatigued, worked to the bone to pay off all of his investments. Yoongi he let out all his frustrations, his hurt, his bitterness and exhaustion, onto your relationship. All he knew now was his work, and all he loved before you was his music. And that love of his had betrayed him.

You knew all this, and you chanted it to yourself in moments when you felt fragile, so paper thin and painfully lonely, that you almost couldn’t bear it. You told yourself in moments of weakness and doubt that Yoongi had gone through bad times. Yoongi was going through a tough time but it wasn’t permanent. It was going to get better, it had to. It was such a familiar mantra to you now that you found yourself muttering it constantly throughout the day. It was going to get better, it had to.

You squared your shoulders and smiled at Yoongi now, he didn’t smile back, looking at something on his phone.

“So how was your day?”

Yoongi shrugged.

“The same.”

He was in a mood tonight. You wanted to lighten him up. You walked over to him, the beginnings of a lighthearted smile forming on your lips. You could do it, you could ease him out of this mood, bring the lightness back into the man you loved. It was in there in him somewhere still, you were sure.

“I wanna take a nap or something.” Yoongi added, stretching out and yawning. You watched him fondly.

“You’re such a lazy bones,” You teased.

Yoongi just lifted his eyes, staring at you coldly.

“Excuse me?” He was annoyed, you could tell by the way his jaw clenched and you felt a ripple of regret run through your body. “What are you trying to say? I don’t see you working every God damn day of the week.”

“It was just a joke,” You said slowly. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“God Y/N, you’re a fucking bitch sometimes, you know that?”

You stood there, frozen. You didn’t know how to respond or how to react when he was like this, angry, bitter, wanting to hurt you as badly as he was hurting inside. This had become a pattern for you and Yoongi, while at first you had fought back to his words, yelling back, crying, shouting until your voice was raw, you had quickly learned the fights passed quicker when you were impassive. Your non responses always aggravated him more at the start, but he quickly ran out of steam and would storm out, leaving you to pick up the pieces.

You were silent, your body quivering. And you felt it flash through your mind. Anger, a weary and diluted anger, directed at yourself, at Yoongi, at everything.

You had never felt like more of an imposter in your life. For someone who was so assured in the past that she was confident and strong, you were undoubtedly a sham. You were dislocated from all the parts of yourself that had rooted you to the earth and to what made you, well, you, and you didn’t know how to get back there to that place of stability. You didn’t know how to feel whole again. In fact, sometimes you were convinced that you were going to die exactly how you were born, alone and overwhelmed by the world around you, still not understanding what was going on, or how had gotten there, here.

You didn’t know how to articulate your thoughts to him. Your own mind was a jumbled mess of threads and incoherent thoughts. Yoongi just stared at you with wide, unforgiving eyes and you felt an invisible chokehold latch around your throat. You couldn’t communicate. All you knew, was that you felt it all, you felt too much, you loved too much, you hurt too much. Your heart was crammed to the brim with intensity and you were telling yourself surely it wasn’t just you, who was feeling the loneliness and the resentment and the self-loathing? Surely, it wasn’t just you who was feeling all of this sadness right down into the very core of your body? Maybe if you just talked to Yoongi, things would get better. The old him had to be in there somewhere, and you could draw him out again, you just had to figure out how…

“Are you just going to fucking stand there?” Yoongi hissed and you couldn’t help it, a shocked laugh came out of your lips. Nothing about this situation was remotely funny but you laughed. It was a foreign laugh that fell out of your mouth and hung in the air for a split second before Yoongi stepped towards you.

“Why the hell are you laughing? Do you think this is funny?” He asked in a low, angry voice. “You’re always so condescending to me,” He continued on, his voice rising as he began to fall into a tangent of his own. “You think you’re better than me, you talk down to me like I’m some God damn loser…” He was snarling out his words now and you felt your chest start to ache. Why was this happening? Why were you fighting, again?

“Fuck you Y/N,” he snapped out, his words coming out like venom.

You didn’t know how he could be like this, how he stared at you with flat eyes and no recognition, like he didn’t know who you were. How was this the same person who just a few months ago was laughing and holding his stomach while the two of you sat on the couch, the same person who tenderly brushed your hair away from your eyes and hummed songs to you?

You felt like you were in a war with yourself and with Yoongi and you were sick of losing, no matter how hard you fought. You felt your body give up, tired of resisting.

“I… I’m sorry-” You stammered out, hating the words, hating your weak apology and how easily you crumbled under his icy stare.

“Shut up,” Yoongi interrupted.

Something snapped in you like a twig under a foot. You stared at him and felt your mouth go dry.

“Yoongi…” Your voice trailed off. “This isn’t… this isn’t working. I think maybe we should… we should break up.”

You weren’t even sure if you meant the words that were coming out of your mouth. But you just wanted him to stop staring at you like that, you wanted him to empathise, to realize how badly he was hurting you. You wanted him to take you seriously, to stop assuming you would absorb all of his anger like a lifeless sponge.

Yoongi’s jaw dropped and then he reached over, picking up a photo frame that was sitting by the kitchen counter. A photo of the two of you, an old one, a low quality polaroid photo that his friend Jin had taken at a Christmas party two years ago. He threw it, and you screamed, as the photo frame whizzed past you and shattered against the wall.

Your entire body was coiled and tensed as you cowered, staring in shock at the floor. Splintered glass was everywhere and the only noise you were aware of was your pounding heart. Yoongi’s eyes widened and he strode towards you.

“Y/N,” he said your voice in a low tone, reaching out for you.

You flinched.

And his entire face crumpled.

“Fuck,” He whispered. He started to cry, fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he stood in front of you, his arms hovering.

You realized with a sudden sharp clarity that you hadn’t taken a proper breath, you gasped in and you were acutely aware of everything. Of how hard and fast your heart was beating, of the splinters of glass littered all over the floor, and of Yoongi staring at you, his face broken.

You acted on instinct, something inside of you switched on, reached out and took over. You were grateful for it because your thoughts were just an indecipherable mess. You didn’t speak as you stood up and walked out of your apartment.

You called the first person that came to mind. You were shaking violently as the dial tone rang in your ear, your teeth chattering. It wasn’t even cold outside but you felt strange in your own skin, frantic and uncertain.

“Hello? Y/N?” Your best friend Laura picked up. You opened your mouth to say something, say anything, but words failed you. You just let out a cry, a strange, garbled sound.

“Oh my… fuck. Are you… what’s…” Laura stammered out in panic.

“I think I just broke up with Yoongi.”

Oh God. Realization ebbed through your body as you heard your own words through the line. This was real. This was really happening. There was no turning back now. You were on the phone to your best friend, telling her you had broken up with your boyfriend. This was it. You stared up at your apartment building, wondering what Yoongi was doing, the image of his face, raw and upset, darting through your thoughts.

A silence carried across the line before Laura’s voice came rushing through, businesslike.

“Okay. I… okay. Come over. Now. Get in a cab.”

If it was any other situation you would’ve told her that she was being a bossy bitch, but all you could do was nod, you nodded over and over, biting your lip to stop yourself from letting out another sob.

“Y/N, you’re not saying anything.”

“Okay, okay I… I’m on my way.” You said quickly, holding up a hand to call a taxi. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

You were sitting cross legged on Laura’s couch, a cup of hot tea in your hands.

You had barrelled into Laura’s apartment an hour ago and promptly started to sob. After holding you and letting you cry it out, Laura had busily sat you down and brought out tissues, tea, and then sat herself opposite you, her eyes latched on you. You had sat there, not drinking the tea, lost in your thoughts.

Neither of you had spoken, and you were grateful for that, for Laura understanding inherently that you needed silence. You were still absorbing everything, and the echo of the broken glass next to you was still fresh in your mind.

“I don’t want to be here.” You whispered in a faint voice. Laura’s eyes snapped up at you in worry and you hastened to fill in the blanks. “Not like that, I…” Your words cut off as you fumbled with your fingers. “I just don’t want to be anything right now. I’m so tired.” You laughed humourlessly, realizing the honesty behind your words. You were so exhausted you could feel it in every cell of your body.

“God, he’s so fucked up.” Laura said evenly, quietly. You felt a twinge in your bones as you shifted in your seat. “No, he…” Your voice trailed off. He’s a good guy, I love him, it was my fault, he’s my other half, he understands me, I understand him, love isn’t easy… the usual tirade of excuses filtered through your head and you sat there, blinking. You were being defensive over him, and you didn’t even know why.

“He’s not good for you Y/N.”

You let out a shaky breath. You knew she was right, but you couldn’t meet her gaze, just staring down at the floor. You focused your eyes on a small stain on Laura’s carpet, trying to distract yourself from thinking properly. You knew she was right, Yoongi wasn’t good for you. He was bringing darkness into corners of your life that had never been dark before. But you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting him, from craving him. You loved him. Or maybe you didn’t, and maybe you were just a masochist, someone programmed to need someone that they could never fully have. Either way, you were fucked.

Your resolve crumbled and you felt your face crumple as a hot, choked cry rose in your throat.

Laura just curled her arm around you and held you comfortingly but you sat there, stiff, feeling the awful, hot feeling of tears rising in your chest.

“He’s not good to you, Y/N. He doesn’t appreciate you. How he treats you, how he talks to you, that isn’t right. I don’t like him Y/N, you know that. And I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t even know how long I’ve seen you like this but I just… I can’t watch it happen any longer.” Laura’s voice trailed off. You knew she meant her words, she had never liked Yoongi from the start and it had ben a sore point in both your friendship with Laura and your relationship with Yoongi. Laura had quickly realized that telling you she didn’t like him, persuading you to break up with him just made you more distant, so she had stopped. You had assumed she just gave up and it wasn’t on her mind anymore. You had no idea she was still thinking about him and you.

“I’ve been okay,” You insisted, she just stared at you.

“No,” She said slowly. “You haven’t. You’ve been like a shell, Y/N.”

Her words hit you like a tonne of bricks. This entire time, you had thought that you were good, you were coping. Hiding everything from everyone. A new round of tears rolled down your face as Laura reached out and curled her hand around yours, giving your hand a long squeeze.

“I’m your best friend,” She said in a low, fierce voice. “And I… seeing you like this…” Her voice cracked as she stared at you evenly, her dark eyes filling up with tears. “It fucking breaks my heart Y/N.”

You felt a new wave of emotions wash over you. Guilt mixed with resistance at her words. And of course frustration, directed at yourself. You were hurting people you cared about.

Why were you doing this? This wasn’t you. You had never imagined this in the landscape of your life, falling in love with a broken man who would in turn break you. When you had been younger, you had always imagined that matters of love were filled with black and white, stereotypical ups and downs. You had never thought this would be you, the girl sitting on her best friend’s couch, only holding it together thanks to a cup of hot tea.

This wasn’t supposed to be you. This wasn’t you. You were angry at yourself for everything, for starting the fight in the first place, and then for thinking that the fight was remotely your fault. You were angry at yourself for letting a man treat you like this, and worst of all, for still wanting him. And you were angry at Yoongi, for everything, for every little splinter of pain and hurt he had inflicted, that was still wedged under your skin. Yet even through the anger you loved him. You told yourself fiercely that it wasn’t you talking, the side of yourself that even now was saying that Yoongi was going through hardships, that true love meant persisting through dark times. This couldn’t be you.

Laura was still staring up at you, her eyes teary and full of concern. You wondered how much she had stressed over this, over you, and you felt your heart twist in yet another painful way. This was real. This had really happened. There was no turning back now. It was almost laughable, that everything had happened tonight just because you had teased Yoongi about being lazy.

“God.” You whispered. “I just… how am I ever supposed to move on?”

Yoongi had been your life for the last four years. He was there, interlaced so finely in the details of your life. Everywhere you went contained memories of him. It felt like every second thought in your head had his presence involved somehow. How were you going to be able to do this?

“You can do it,” Laura said firmly. “You’re so strong Y/N, and it’s so hard at the start, but you can get through it…” No I can’t. You zoned out and stared at her as she talked on. You couldn’t. Tears were coming down your face faster than before and you were slowly starting to breathe in sharper and faster breaths of air.

“Y/N…” Laura leaned over and placed a palm on your wrist tentatively. “It’s okay, you can cry if you need to.”

You hated that sentence, you hated that you were here, crying. You shook your head furiously, coughing and glancing up.

“I’m okay. Laura I… I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep.”

Laura just stared at you intently. “Okay,” She said slowly. “Sleep here. On my bed. I can sleep on the couch. I’m not taking anything else but ‘Okay’ as an answer, by the way.”

You felt your chest swell with another fresh batch of emotions as you nodded, managing a small smile at her. You stood up and padded to her room, Laura followed you closely, hesitating at the door frame before she spoke.

“Don’t say anything, go to sleep, rest… just… just please, Y/N. I mean it. Don’t go back to him. Stay away. Please.” Her eyes softened and you realized she was pleading with you.

“I won’t,” You said quietly. “I just…” Your words died off and you couldn’t look at her. You just shook your head, once, twice, until it was just bobbing up and down as if it was broken.

“You’re so strong. You can do this.” She said softly and you felt like an imposter. You weren’t strong at all.

You walked over to your best friend’s bed and slid inside. It felt cold and unfamiliar but you still settled down, as Laura switched off the light. You lay there, wide awake, your thoughts racing painfully as you listened to the sounds outside your room, of your friend getting ready to sleep as well.

You didn’t know how long you lay there, but time stretched out and you couldn’t go to sleep. If anything, you felt more awake than ever.

Surely, this wasn’t the end of you and Yoongi. Not like this, without proper closure, proper communication. You and Yoongi, what you shared, was a love, a great love, and it couldn’t be over with a smashed glass and no real words.

You could go to Yoongi now.

Not to do anything, but… to talk. To tell him to his face that it was over between the two of you.

You sat up in bed. You were vaguely aware of what you were doing, frantically negotiating with yourself, but you pushed down those logical thoughts and slowly swung your legs over the bed.

You crept out into the living room, your eyes falling on Laura. She was draped over the couch, snoring softly. You hesitated. You could go back to sleep, talk to him tomorrow, or not at all.

You stood there like a frozen puppet. Torn between going to him, or staying here. Your heart was racing so fast you could hear it in your chest.

And you made your decision.

You stepped into his bedroom and saw him lying there.

Your heart gave out. It felt like it had been tipped onto the floor, it was a slippery mess.

Whatever shreds of resolve you had floated away the minute you saw him lying there. You walked towards him.

Each step was like a stamp, and you could hear your own voice in your head, Laura’s voice, saying stop, don’t, don’t, don’t.

But you couldn’t stop yourself.

You unwrapped the covers and slid in beside him.

He lay still and you nestled into him. You didn’t touch him, you just lay there.

Yoongi shifted, he didn’t speak, he just tugged you into his arms carefully.

And you lay there, ignoring the stirrings of guilt, as once again you were drawn back into his embrace.

#yoongi angst #bts angst #yoongi fanfic #bts fanfic #suga angst #suga fanfic #yoongi x reader

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slut-for-fandoms · 7 years

Text

Little Witch (Part 2)

Pairings: Peter x reader

Word count: 1 563

Summary: The reader is raised by Hydra but manages to escape after they kill her parents. She is emotionally unstable and can’t control her powers. The Avengers rescue her and give her everything she missed form life and wanted to feel. But would her new found love be enough to extinguish her desire for revenge? What would be the side she would choose to rely on? Will she be ready to face the real her?

A/N: I cannot believe so many people liked Little witch. You guys made me so happy. After posting the story I went to bed and was really surprised in the morning when i saw that there were already 270 notes, 10 messages and 70 new followers. I’m amazed. You are awesome! ♥ I did my best to write this part and i know it may be a little boring but i promise the next ones (of course, if you want me to post them) to be more interesting. Please let me know what you think and if you would like to write from someone’s P.O.V. Enjoy ♥ (and sorry for the mistakes)

Part 1

All the avengers except Wanda and Bruce were now standing in front of the small medical center Tony had created a few months ago for situations like this. Through the transparent Plexiglas which was used as a wall, the heroes were looking at their new visitor. Wanda was inside with Dr. Banner, who was trying to find out and heal the wounds on the girl’s body.

“So what’s her name?”, Tony suddenly asked.

The whole group looked at Steve and Clint waiting for an answer. Since they came back, the girl was directly transported to the medical room, while the others were standing in the dark about what was going on.

“She didn’t say it.”, Steve answered simply without moving his eyes from the girl inside.

“What exactly happened?”, Tony was eager to get at least some information.

“Yeah, the son of Col didn’t say anything about bringing a girl here.”

There was silent for a minute and when Clint saw Steve wouldn’t tell anything due to being sunk deep in his thoughts again, he recounted the story.

After the girl had recognized the American hero – Captain America, she gave them a chance to speak why they were here and what were they exactly doing. Wanda was the one who had talked most maybe because she knew how the girl was feeling at that moment.

“We are not Hydra’s agents. I know you are scared, probably frightened to death, but we just want to help you. ”, Wanda had spoken softly.

“How did you find me?”

“We have some sources that let us know when someone is in danger. There’s nothing you can be suspicious of. Come with us, we will give you food, clothes…answers.”, Steve had succeeded in attracting her attention.

“I-”, the girl had been glancing at the faces of each hero standing in front of her seeing the pure sincerity in their eyes. She hardly had come with a decision.

“If you don’t like us or feel threatened you can go, but give us a chance. We won’t let you down, I promise.”, with those words spoken from the brown-haired witch, who the girl began liking since the beginning, the little witch had accepted their offer still slightly suspicious.

“Through the whole flight Wanda was the only one who talked with her. I think she is the one who the girl trusts.”, Clint noted as he finished the story.

“Can we trust her?”, Nat questioned, “I mean, she is powerful, that can be seen, but what if it’s a Hydra’s way to get in here and collect important information about us, S.H.I.E.L.D?”

“I do not think so.”, Peter finally interfered with the conversation. He, as Steve, hadn’t stopped looking at the girl they found alone in the deep woods hours ago, “If you had seen her face when we came…”, her (y/e/c), full with tears and at the same time with rage appeared in front of him, “I have no clue what they did to her but it’s definitely not good.”

“I have the same opinion. We know what Hydra can do to their experiments. I saw what they have done to Bucky. It won’t surprise me if she had gone through the same.”

“Mr. Stark, I found the girl.”, Jarvis’ voice sounded through the corridor they were all standing in.

“You made him check her?!”

“Of course, Clint. I want to know who is coming in the base.”, Tony declared and then spoken to Jarvis, “What did you find out?”

“It was hard given the fact that her face hasn’t been seen by any camera in the world since ten years ago. However, I managed to do my job. Her name is (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N). At the age of seven she was kidnapped from her parents as they were on a vacation in Russia. Strangely, it seems the parents weren’t that eager to find her. They ended the seeking after a year. ”

At the same time in the medical room, Bruce and Wanda were trying to understand more about (Y/N)’s conditional and powers.

“So you are a witch, too?”, (Y/n) asked as her eyes widened from happiness.

“Yes, (Y/n), I am, just like you.”

“How did you become? You were born with it or?”

“Sadly, my powers aren’t natural. I got them the same as you – Hydra gave them to me. ”, Wanda was sitting opposite the girl, while Bruce was doing his job, “Some years ago, me and my brother, Pietro, were taken my Hydra so they could do tests on us.”

“And what were they doing to you?”

“They used something like a scepter and did different things to examine our powers. That’s all I remember.”, Wanda gave a smile to this little girl who had probably went through the same as her.

“So your stay there was like a holiday in comparison with mine.”, the girl stated with a bitterness in her voice.

“Was it that bad?”, Bruce spoke for the first time since he came there to observe the girl, “We have seen what Hydra have done to some people, but-”

“But you can never imagine or feel what they did to me so don’t act as though you had a clue how they tortured me.”

“I-I am sorry, I didn’t mean to-”, Bruce began apologizing but the girl stopped him.

“I see you’re trying to make me feel comfortable and so on but there’s no need to exaggerate.”, the girl’s stomach groaned and she hurried to put her hands over it to silence the sound.

“How can I be so stupid?! We are here from hours and you haven’t eaten anything in days and we still haven’t given you water or something to eat. I’m coming in minutes.”, Wanda was almost out of the room when she turned around, “Do you want anything specific or whatever I bring?”

“Whatever you bring.”, the girl answered but Wanda had already used her powers to see what the girl longed for to eat.

Bruce and (Y/n) stayed in silence until the doctor decided to ruin it by asking a simple question.

“Do you know what powers you have?”

“No and I don’t even know how to control them.”

“We can befriend you to learn how to cope with them. ”, the girl was about to say something but Bruce hurried to finish, “I do know how hard it can be, if you’re wondering. I have some ‘angry issues’ as Stark tends to say. When I am angry I turn into a big green monster-”

“Hulk.”, (Y/n) stated calmly as she remembered a part of a conversation, she heard years ago.

“Yes, Hulk. If I do not control it, I would kill the people I love without having a clue or regretting about it.”

Seeing how hard it was for that man to cope with his behavior and the terrified expression that appeared on his face just because of the thought of murdering his friends was enough to show her that each one of the superheroes here had gone through so dreadful situations. It showed her that she wasn’t alone anymore and that she can trust them. They will help her to recover, to control and maybe give her the family she lost ten years ago.

“Will you teach me?”, a smile spread on Bruce’s face as he murmured a positive answer.

The door opened and Wanda entered holding a tray with food.

“I hope you don’t mind inviting the others.”, seven people followed the witch in the room.

“Hello.”, the girl gave them a small smile and wave.

“I am Natasha but you can call me Nat.”, a read-head woman spoke, “Here are some clean clothes you can put on after you -”, but before Natasha had finished her sentence the girl had attacked the food.

There was a huge burger with French fries and curry sauce. She took a big bite and barely managed to chew it before taking another one.

“Sorry, ju’t úngry .”

While (Y/n) was eating the heroes introduced themselves to her. She knew some of them given the fact they had ruined some of Hydra’s experiments and bases but not their personal names. She liked them all, maybe Tony was too cocky but she did like ‘em all.

“You’d probably want to rest and recover but I have to ask you some questions. Do you mind?”, Stark didn’t want to scare the girl but he did needed answers.

“Let her at least take a shower before overwhelming her with your queries.”, when Peter stated his opinion the girl looked at him with a thankful smile. He blushed a little but tried not to break an eye contact. Even in those ripped and dirty clothes, and the messy (y/h/c) he could see the beauty in her. Something in her eyes was pulling him closer. He wanted to understand what had happened to her, what had broken her in such a way and revenge.

“Peter, show her the bathroom. We will wait you in the living room.”, and with that the avengers exited the room leaving the two teenagers inside.

“So, Peter…”, the way (Y/n) pronounced his name, as thought tasting it, feeling how it would sound, created a strange feeling in Peter’s stomach, “Where can I clean myself?”, a smirked appeared on the girl’s face as she saw the blushing boy opposite her.

Part 3

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