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voidbeans · 3 years

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Bestie I don't know if you still want asks but. Tell me about the fantasy novel? I am very intrigued

HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

*rubs hands together gleefully*

ok so there is literally. so much going on in this. there are multiple different storylines and just. ok. (putting a read more here because this is going to get. long)

So: world stuff. There are four kingdoms. There's one in the center that is kind of the main ruling kingdom, the others surrounding it are all under it (they all have rulers of their own but those rulers answer to the ruler of the central kingdom) (i'll get to him in a second). Each surrounding kingdom is dedicated to either the past, present, or future. So like the kingdom of the past is full of historians and scholars, who believe that the past is what shapes everything, that the only way to move forward is to follow the the examples set by history. The kingdom of the present is full of those who are focused on the now, the mercenaries and merchants and soldiers who believe that the most important thing is living in the moment. And in the kingdom of the future, there are the inventors, the prophets, and the beastmasters.

The beastmasters. Are certainly something. They're a type of inventor, I guess you could say. They build... creatures, out of metal and wood and whatever materials they can find. Creatures that move, that serve, that occasionally even make noise. They say it isn't magic, but no one quite believes them. No one really trusts the beastmasters.

All of these kingdoms are kind of.. well, they're a bit hostile toward each other, due to their differences. They're a ticking time bomb about to go off. Most of the hostility is aimed at the kingdom of the future, however, as most believe that the work they do there goes against the gods and their path.

The gods!! There are three gods, or one god with three faces/aspects. It depends on who you ask. Those aspects are the Judge, Jury, and Executioner. There are seperate churches and priests for each aspect, and each order has a different purpose (priests of the executioner tend to oversee war and, well, executions, they have a reputation for being quite violent).

Oh!! Also!! There are lands bordering the kingdoms. There's the Icelands, which are. Well. Full of ice. Very dangerous. There's the Wastelands, which are basically a desert. And the Woodlands!! A huge forest. It's said that any way you go through any of them, you will come to the mountain, home of three ancient seers.

now!! the characters. there are a lot so bear with me here.

So. there's the royal family, the one that rules from the central kingdom. they are:

King Reyne!! Reyne is. So so dear to me. He's neurodivergent and has an anxiety disorder (projecting time babey) that often affects him worse than he lets on. He's super insecure about his ability to rule, and he's under a lot of stress right now due to the growing hostility between the kingdoms i mentioned earlier. But he's an incredible king and a really good guy, just in general.

Queen Lilah!! Reyne's wife. They were an arranged marriage, and while the two of them are not romantically involved, they love each other very much and Lilah is a strong support for Reyne. She's also a badass. Will beat you up if you insult anyone she cares about. Has a bit of a temper (understatement of the century)

Matti!!! Mathias. Prince Mathias. Reyne and Lilah's son, heir to the throne. He takes after his father a lot. He's very curious and has trouble letting things go. He becomes convinced that someone's trying to betray his parents and the kingdom, and that.. kind of consumes him. I'm so excited to write him he has a brilliant storyline.

Ok and then there's the other people involved with the above family!!

RHYS. RHYSANDER FLORENT BLACKWOOD MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED. The king's advisor (and boyfriend), a total sweetheart with something of an edge to him. He, Reyne, and Lilah have this little chosen family thing going on that's really sweet. They're all each other's support and strength.

Silverfish. Silver is... the queen's spy, gatherer of information, sometimes gives advice too. Lilah wants it to also do assassinations, but it refuses to kill (will give the order to kill, but will not do the killing itself). No one really knows where Silver came from, and most don't trust it, but Lilah does. It never lies.

Alright moving on to other storylines: so y'know how no one likes the kingdom of the future? yeah, that's currently much worse due to some strange and unexplained happenings throughout all four kingdoms. Everyone thinks that it's the kingdom of the future angering the gods. So Reyne sends out a team to investigate these happenings peacefully, made up of a beastmaster from the kingdom of the future (he's cool. has an eyepatch. acts kinda bossy and like xe's in charge. a bit of an asshole, but genuinely cares), a knight from the kingdom of the present (trans woman. can and will kill you if you talk shit about her. has a wife. she's literally the coolest), and a historian from the kingdom of the past (Loren!! Loren is babey. the youngest member of the team, hasn't been in a fight in their life. unlike most of their fellow historians, doesn't hate the kingdom of the future and actually uses some of their technology in their archives (trained clockwork ravens, babey!!)). These guys get into so much shit.

Meanwhile, in the mysterious prison pit of despair run by knife monks: it's a prison. it's a pit. run by spooky dudes in hoods who sometimes take the prisoners and train them in their ways. There's a princess there, imprisoned for the massacre of her family (which she insists she had no part in). She's stuck with an annoying cellmate, a thief who broke into the prison just to see if she could. They're trying to get out.

And finally. there is Faraday. Faraday... is a prophet. He travels around preaching that the gods are dead and that the people must learn to take their fates into their own hands. No one likes that. He's wanted in literally every town everywhere. He's determined to prove that he's right, and believes in himself fully. Everything he says could potentially be true or false. No one knows. Probably not even me. He's. I'm so excited to work with him he's so fun. Has a little genderfluid bard that follows him around, hoping for a good story out of it (Ridley my belidly).

Those are.. the basics. But there is a lot. But I love it so much and I'm so excited about it and aaa thank you EVER so much for letting me ramble about this it means the world to me (and so do you) <333

#asks #beloved frens #long post #my writing #ocs #my ocs #original characters #original writing #novel #fantasy #novel concept #rambles

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sm-pantheon · 3 years

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SMPantheon AU Information

Greetings, Tumblrer. Can I interest you in my Dream SMP God AU? Yes? Great. Hope you like reading.

I should clarify, before we begin, that there is one rule in the Pantheon: and that is not to date those in other classes. This rule is often broken due to the enforcer's blatant biases, so some people get off scott-free. This rule doesn't apply to dating humans, however, because of the need for classic zeus-style, demigod-bearing hijinks.

THE TRINITY

The creators of the universe, the dreamons. Gods of Chaos. Two have been replaced so far.

Dream XD The creator, the father, the man...god...thing Himself. Yes, that H is capitalized. He was the first god to exist, and every heavenly being stems from Him in some way. He enjoys seeing people suffer. He loves George in secret, even if He hasn't yet reciprocated. He stripped Captain Puffy of some of her power because He deemed the God of Order to be getting in the way of His chaos. His mask has the XD emoticon on it, fittingly enough.

Dream The 'son' of the Trinity, and the enforcer of the love law. His position was once filled by Mexican Dream, before he was demoted for being a dumbass. He later demoted Mamacita for falling in love with Mexican Dream, because they weren't in the same God class anymore. He is notoriously biased and nepotistic with his enforcing. He's also an asshole. His mask has the :) emoticon on it.

Drista The 'holy spirit' of the Trinity. A child. She causes chaos wherever she goes, whether intentionally or not, which makes DXD very proud. Her position was once filled by Mamacita, before she was demoted. She often hangs out with the demigods, most often Tommy. Wherever she goes, hijinks ensue. He mask has the >;P emoticon on it.

GREATER GODS

The most powerful gods, besides the Trinity.

Philza The God of Freedom. A ruthless killer, but a pretty good father figure. He was the first non-Trinity god, and appropriately he matches up with their chaos. He is most notably the god who invented angels, and personally made the first one, Clara. A long time ago he fought with Awesamdude because of their conflicting symbols and won, demoting Sam to the rank of a regular God. His wife is Kristin, a (dead) human, but one time he had a fling with a refridgerator. Confusing times. His sons are Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur, and his grandson is Fundy.

Technoblade The God of Violence, often regarded as the 'Blood God'. He is a force to be reckoned with, and you can probably trace him back to every world war in some way. He has a more stoic and calm side, which only Philza and his family can bring out. He acts as sort of an uncle and brother to them, sometimes caring for the kids. He would rather die than have his own, though. He feels an attachment to his friend Ranboo's son, Michael, because they are both pigmen. He plans to train him when he grows hold enough. His pride and joy is the section of the underworld he invented, which is the section where sinners burn eternally.

Antfrost The God of Love. Currently he is taking refuge on earth with his boyfriend Velvet, who is the third archangel. He's never been very friendly with Dream, so it would be inevitable that he would be punished for loving Velvet. To avoid this, he fleed to a small town on earth. He has had a long-time rivalry with Ponk because of his innate hatred of cats.

Foolish Gamers The God of Creation. He is a master builder, and has built the temples of all the Gods. One day, Sapnap, the God of Destruction, challenged him to a fight, and whoever lost would be demoted. He accepted and won, which is why his equal is now lower on the totem pole than he is. He created the earth with Hannah at the command of the Trinity. His best friend is Eret. He often enlists the help of the rock nymph HBomb for help with terraforming and foundation building.

Karl Jacobs The God of Time. He can control time by slowing it down, speeding it up, pausing it, rewinding, etc. However, he is only allowed to use it when the Trinity gives permission. Usually, he just sits around and helps his "not fiancés", Quackity and Sapnap, with their work. He was born soon after Philza.

GODS

Averagely powerful gods.

Sapnap The God of Destruction. He was originally a greater god, but lost a fight to Foolish and gave some power up as a result. He is responsible in part for all the natural disasters of the world.

Awesamdude He was stripped of some of his power by Philza (with assistance from Techno, although he'd never admit it). He acts as a father figure to some of the younger heavenly beings. He created Sam Nook, an altered clone of himself, to be a Nanny for Philza's children. He now takes care of young Fundy and Michael. Loves Ponk in secret.

Badboyhalo The God of Purity. Cannot do wrong, after all he is the only person who actually is dating someone and is following the rule. Has a public record stating he has never sworn. He's highly devoted to his pursuit of holiness... and also Skeppy.

Skeppy The God of Fortune. After all, he's made of diamond. He's a goofball, especially around Bad. He's Bad's best friend/boy friend, B.B.F., as he would say!

Captain Puffy The God of Order. She has always had a rivalry with the Trinity for directly contradicting them with her existence. Because of this, her dates with Niki have to remain a secret, or else she'll be demoted again. Currently she's filling the paws of Antfrost as God of Love until he comes back, or a new heir is born.

Hannahxxrose The God of Nature. She mostly hangs out on Earth, tending to gardens worldwide, but she stays in heaven an ample amount too. She was literally born from Foolish's idea to create nature for earth, which she then assisted in plans for.

JSchlatt The God of Sin. He was originally a Greater God, but he had to be demoted so that the human race wouldn't be absolutely fucked. He's technically in charge of the Underworld, but he doesn't do jack shit down there. He's a raging alcoholic, and is always complaining about heart problems. His best friend is Minx.

Eret The God of Power. He isn't part nymph or anything, but the nymphs respect him and have crowned him as their king. He gladly accepts this role. His best friend is Foolish.

MINIGODS

Less powerful gods.

GeorgeNotFound The God of Beauty. He is fully aware that DXD is in love with him, but he doesn't want to reciprocate for fear of the rule. Still, he hasn't ratted him out... yet. He often hangs out with Sapnap, and he used to hang out with Dream, but he has become more distant as of late.

Mamacita The God of Justice. Also known as Girl Dream. She was removed from the Trinity for loving Mexican Dream after he was demoted. Since she and him still have a lot of power, they've been tasked with running the Underworld. Her mask has the :/ emoticon on it.

Mexican Dream The God of Death. Was removed from the Trinity for generally being a dumbass. He co-runs the Underworld with his Mamacita. He has also adopted Quackity as a twin. His mask has the ;] emoticon on it.

Quackity The God of Humor. He doesn't do a whole lot, just hangs out with his fiancés and his unofficial twin. An absolute jokester.

Slimecicle The God of Joy. A lovable goof who has never done a thing wrong in his life. He has a human wife, Grace, and his son is Connor. He skips around heaven a lot, and often hangs out with the angels.

Ranboo The God of Identity. He is *platonically* married to Tubbo (so Dream can't technically punish him!) He has a son, Michael, and he often hangs out with the demigods. He is considered the least powerful full god. He has a habit of forgetting things and also a habit of stealing all the gender from the other members of the Pantheon.

Niki Nihachu The God of Grace. She mainly takes care of the children along with Sam Nook, and hangs around the water nymphs. Her best friend is Sally.

Jack Manifold The God of Spirit. Previously nicknamed 'Thunder', he is an epic gamer lad. He famously invented 3D glasses and also Britain.

Ponk The God of Bravery. Has had an age-old rivalry with Antfrost because of his fear of cats for eons, and he is quite happy that he's gone. He has a strained love for Sam, which they have to keep secret. Only Sam has seen the rest of his face, under the mask.

DEMIGODS

Half gods, half humans. They are free to travel between earth and heaven.

Tommyinnit The youngest son of Philza and Kristin. A rambunctious teenager who is quite popular among the gods, especially Drista. Often flirts with the goddesses, and always says he has a crush on the Queen of England.

Tubbo The middle son of Philza and Kristin. A chaotic man-child and also goat boy. He is absouletly adored by the Trinity. He has a "platonic" husband, Ranboo, and a son, Michael.

Wilbur The eldest son of Philza and Kristin. A musical prodigy, who is an adult but doesn't quite act like one. He has a wife, Sally the water nymph, and a son, Fundy.

ConnorEatsPants The only son of Slimecicle and Grace. He is a massive sonic fan. If you asked life advice from him, he would tell you that the only problem with being faster than light is that you can only live in darkness.

SEMIGODS

Demigods, except it's not a 50/50 split between God and human. Other races can also be added.

Fundy The son of Wilbur and Sally. He is 25% God, 25% Human, and 50% water nymph, but most importantly, 100% furry.

Michael The son of Ranboo and Tubbo. 75% God and 25% human. He's good friends with Technoblade because of their shared pigman-ness.

NYMPHS

Mythical and elemental creatures.

Sally A water nymph. Married to Wilbur and the mother of Fundy.

HBomb A rock nymph. Often helps Foolish with his builds.

Alyssa An air nymph. She's been wandering around the outskirts of heaven for an eon with Callahan.

Callahan An air nymph. Wandering with Alyssa.

Minx A fire nymph. Best friends with Schlatt and Niki.

ANGELS

Heavenly servants.

Punz First archangel. He's currently the Trinity's bitch, but if you offered him enough money he would absolutely betray them.

Purpled Second archangel. He just follows Punz around and helps him with his tasks. He isn't very devoted to his job. He was the one who came up with the idea of space.

Red Velvet Third archangel. He has fleed heaven with his boyfriend Antfrost. He's working as a baker on earth.

Michael McChill Replacement third archangel. He was created out of a necessity for three archangels, and he isn't very well adjusted. He has no motivation and has only talked to Philza.

Vikkstar The guardian angel of all the demi/semigods. When he's not watching over them, he is hanging out with Lazar.

Lazarbeam The general of the heavenly guard. He slacks off very much, and often hangs out with Vikkstar. Aggravated easily.

Clara The first angel, and the most wise. She is seen as an oracle and is prayed to as frequently as the gods. She often hangs out in Tommy's dreams.

Sam Nook An altered copy of Sam, made to be a nanny to Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur. Now he takes care of young Fundy and Michael.

HUMANS

Just like you and me. Except some are dead.

Kristin Married to Philza and mother of Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur. When she died, Mamacita offered her a job as the Grim Reaper so that she could hang out with Phil more often.

Grace Married to Slimecicle and mother to Connor. Is the second Grim Reaper, alongside Kristin.

Ghostbur Human clone of Wilbur that Foolish accidentally made when fooling around with the demigods. Has since died and chills out in the animal sector with his sheep, Friend.

Lani Tubbo's sister from his old foster family on earth, who he lives near. Knows everything about everyone in the Pantheon, somehow.

Corpse Husband The janitor of the Underworld. Was a massive sinner when he was alive, but managed to convince Mamacita to let him work for her instead of suffering for eternity.

Mr Beast A generous billionare who runs a private church for the rich in his town. He communes with Karl on the condition that he won't try to gain things for himself using him.

5up A turnip farmer who died and now hangs around Fundy.

.....

Alright. That's it. So. Much. Typing. My fingers hurt. I accidentally deleted all my progress around the halfway point but I persevered. Also, this blog will be used for designs of the AU characters I'll be making. Thanks for reading this far!

Bye. Thanks again.

Oh wait now I have to add a shit ton of tags ughhhh

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grigori77 · 5 years

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Top 10 Horror Movies, like, EVER (reissued)

10. THE MIST

In 2007, writer/director Frank Darabont once again proved he does his best work when adapting master of literary horror Stephen King (after The Green Mile and solid gold masterpiece The Shawshank Redemption), this time turning to pure horror with one of the author’s lesser-known early novellas. The result is another tour-de-force cinematic blueprint, a taut, harrowing tale of humanity pushed far beyond the brink by unexplained supernatural events and the monstrous lengths normal people will go to to stay alive, as a small-town New England supermarket is cut off from the outside world by a mysterious, monster-filled mist. The Expanse’s Thomas Jane proves a complex hero, beefy yet vulnerable as local artist David Drayton, leading a high-calibre cast of Stephen King-movie/TV regulars – Jeffrey DeMunn (The Green Mile), Andre Braugher (Salem’s Lot), William Sadler (The Shawshank Redemption) and Frances Sternhagen (Misery) – and “newcomers” – Laurie Holden (who must have really impressed Darabont, since he subsequently cast her alongside DeMunn in The Walking Dead), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy’s Toby Jones (as one of the most unorthodox action heroes in cinematic history) and Miller’s Crossing’s Marcia Gay Harden, pretty much stealing the film as deeply unhinged Bible-basher Mrs Carmody, who goes from unsavoury town nut to fervent cult leader as the situation grows increasingly desperate. Darabont once again proves what an exceptional screen storyteller he can be, effortlessly weaving an atmosphere of mounting dread and knife-edge tension, as well as delivering some nightmarish set-pieces featuring magnificent Lovecraft-inspired beasties designed by The Walking Dead’s creature effects master Greg Nicotero. When cinematic horror was becoming increasingly saturated with “gorno” Saw-derivatives, this was a welcome return to old-fashioned monster movie thrills (Darabont himself was heavily inspired by the monochrome scary movies of his childhood, and longed to make the film in black-and-white – indeed, this is definitely worth watching at least once in the “director’s cut” B&W version he included on the special edition DVD release), and not only proved one of the best examples of King on screen to date, but also one of THE key horror movies of the “Noughties”. Not least thanks to that ending, one of the greatest sucker punch twists of all time – reputedly King was most envious of Darabont on seeing it for the first time, wishing he’d thought it up himself. Coming from the King of Horror, that’s high praise indeed.

9. 30 DAYS OF NIGHT

When Steve Niles, the undisputable master of post-modern horror comics, originally came up with the concept for his definitive work, it was intended for the big screen, but he ultimately wound up committing it to print because he just couldn’t get anyone to produce it. Interesting, then, that the comic’s runaway success led to its optioning by Sam Raimi and his production company Ghost House Pictures, Niles adapting the first volume alongside Stuart Beattie and Brian Nelson, with Hard Candy director David Slade at the helm. Of course, the concept was always a killer – for one month every year, the sun never rises over the Alaskan town of Barrow, a fact that a coven of hungry vampires have decided to exploit in a midwinter free-for-all feeding frenzy. Josh Hartnett manfully crumbles in what remains his best role as town sheriff Eben Olemaun, ably supported by Melissa George as his estranged fire-marshal wife Stella, Memento/Batman Begins’ Mark Boone Junior as hard-as-nails town loner Bo, Ben Foster (one of my very favourite actors) as a mysterious drifter with a dark agenda, and Danny Huston, who created one of the best ever screen vampires with nihilistic pack leader Marlow. It’s ironic that David Slade should have followed this with Twilight film Eclipse (although he was an inspired choice – after all, it’s the one that DOESN’T suck) – this is about as far removed from the toothless, blood-lite young adult series as you can get, an unrelenting, gore-drenched exercise in relentless carnage and ice-cold terror. These vamps wouldn’t be caught (ahem) dead sparkling – they’re man-shaped mako sharks, all dead black eyes and jagged teeth, gleefully revelling in slaughter and playing sadistic games of cat and mouse with the isolated townsfolk. This is definitely not a movie for the faint of heart, and it takes itself deadly seriously right through the unapologetically bleak ending, but it is nonetheless an endlessly rewarding thrill ride for the faithful, paying respect to all the great conventions of the genre while simultaneously ripping them to shreds. Brutal, bloody and brilliant, this is BAR NONE the best vampire movie of the post-Interview age, and very nearly my all-time favourite EVER ...

8. POLTERGEIST

1982 saw the release of TWO of my all-time fave horror movies, and the lesser (but no less awesome) of the two is what I personally consider to be THE DEFINITIVE haunted house movie. Tobe Hooper, director of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, pretty much reinvented ghosts on the big screen with this thrilling tale of a small-town-American family, the Freelings, whose seemingly perfect home comes under the influence of a powerful supernatural force. At first the effects are harmless – moving furniture and the like – until a night-time thunderstorm signals a terrifying escalation and younger daughter Carol-Anne (Heather O’Rourke) is sucked through a portal into the spirit world. Long before he was the dad in The Incredibles, Craig T. Nelson had already become a pretty definitive cuddly American screen father as Steven Freeling, while JoBeth Williams is a lioness defending her cubs as mother Diane; then-newcomer Heather O’Rourke, meanwhile, is a naturalistic revelation as Carol-Anne, her innocent delivery of “They’re here!” becoming a genuine geek phenomenon all on its own, but the film’s real runaway performance comes from Zelda Rubinstein as diminutive Southern belle psychic medium Tangina Barrons, whose every screen moment is a quirky joy. As you’d expect, Hooper’s scares are flawlessly executed, the atmospheric tension ratcheted with consummate skill, even if the director’s characteristic gore is kept to a PG-13-friendly minimum ... then again, this was a summer offering from Back to the Future producers Frank Marshall and Steven Spielberg himself, who was also the main screenwriter. Indeed, his influence is keenly felt throughout – the suburban world the Freelings inhabit is very much in keeping with Spielberg classics like Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T. – and there have been consistent rumours that he was all but the de-facto director on set. The film (along with its sequels) has also gained a reputation for being cursed, with no less than FOUR cast members dying not long after (most notably Dominique Dunne, who played elder Freeling daughter Dana, who was murdered by her boyfriend just five months after the film’s release). Whatever the truth behind these rumours, there’s no denying this is a cracking film – taut, atmospheric and consistently terrifying while also displaying a playful, quirky sense of humour and lots of heart, it remains one of the most rewarding and entertaining screen ghost stories around.

7. BUBBA HO-TEP

Bruce Campbell is Elvis Presley! He really is! Although maybe he isn’t ... all right, TECHNICALLY he’s Sebastian Haff, a washed-up, long-retired Elvis impersonator languishing in a retirement home who claims he really IS the King (apparently he swapped places with the REAL Haff because he’d grown tired of fame). Meanwhile one of his fellow residents is an old black man who claims he’s the real JFK, maintaining that President Lyndon Johnson had him dyed black and secreted in anonymity with a bag of sand sewn into the gap in his brain ... confused yet? Well hold on, cuz there’s more – the retirement home in question has been invaded by the malevolent spirit of a cursed soul-sucking mummy, and only these two fallen heroes can save the day ... yup, writer/director Don (Phantasm and John Dies At the End) Coscarelli’s initially criminally overlooked but deservedly seriously cult adaptation of Joe R. Lansdale’s novel is as typically oddball as the rest of his filmography. It’s also his most moving and spiritual work to date – behind all the supernatural weirdness and quirky, offbeat humour this is a deeply-affecting meditation on the pains of growing old and losing your place in the world. Bruce Campbell’s Elvis/Haff is a tragic hero, regretting his current lot and pining for former glories, but he still has the odd little twinkle of his former charm and bravado (particularly during his interactions with his nurse, played with spiky gutsiness by Ella Joyce), while screen legend Ossie Davis is stately and charismatic as “the former President Kennedy”, even when he sounds REALLY crazy. Meanwhile the creature, “Bubba Ho-Tep” himself (Bob Ivy), is a fantastically weird creation, Coscarelli’s skilful use of atmospherics elevating him far above the “guy-in-a-suit” effects – he’s mean, cranky, and just as strong a character as his flesh-and-blood counterparts. Coscarelli really let rip on this one – it’s chock-full of his characteristic leftfield comic-scariness (Elvis/Haff’s early encounter with one of the mummy’s scarab familiars is a particular zany gem), visually inventive and frequently laugh-out-loud hilarious, but in the end plays out on such a heartfelt, genuinely powerful and moving denouement that you can’t help getting a lump in your throat, even while it is one of those movies that leaves you with a big dumb goofy grin on your face. It’d be pretty sweet if Coscarelli and his mate Paul Giamatti ever get their long-gestating “prequel” Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires off the ground, but this is one that you can’t help loving all on its own. See this if you’re a Coscarelli fan – it’s his best work to date – see this if you love quirky, unusual and original horror ... hell, see this if you love MOVIES. This is a true GEM, not to be missed.

6. DOG SOLDIERS

My favourite werewolf movie is also easily one of the most offbeat – think The Howling meets Assault On Precinct 13 and you’re pretty close to the mark. Before visionary British horror director Neil Marshall had his big break with masterpiece The Descent, he made an impressive cult splash with his feature debut, a fiendish comedy horror in which a six-man British Army unit on training manoeuvres in the wilds of Scotland stumbles upon a pack of hungry werewolves and are forced to take shelter in an isolated cottage. With their ammo dwindling and their weapons largely ineffective against the monsters (not a silver bullet between them, of course), it doesn’t look likely that ANY of will survive the night ... setting the humour dial for JET BLACK, Marshall keeps the atmosphere tense and the substantial gore flying (I was amazed when I saw this in the cinema that it was only a 15 – even just ten years earlier stuff like this was GUARANTEED a solid 18 certificate), while the squaddies are a likeably foul-mouthed bunch with a winning, sometimes enjoyably geeky line in spiky banter (Marshall makes frequent references to everything from Star Trek and The Evil Dead to The Matrix and, in one of my favourite nods, Zulu). Trainspotting’s Kevin McKidd is brawny but enjoyably self-deprecating as nominal hero Cooper, Sean (son of Doctor Who Jon) Pertwee gives great earthy-shoutiness as Sgt. Wells, Darren Morfitt consistently steals the film as mouthy little bugger “Spoon” (short for Witherspoon), and Game Of Thrones star Liam Cunningham injects a strong dose of dark and dangerous as Captain Ryan, the special forces operative with a sinister plan, while Emma Cleasby is far from just a token female as zoologist Megan, who came to Scotland in search of the legend and seems to have found a whole lot more than she bargained for – she’s smart, tough and flat-out refuses to be a love interest, and definitely proved a good trial run for Marshall’s all-female cast in The Descent. It’s impressively paced – after an initial character-driven set-up so we can get to know the lads (including a fun little scare-on-top-of-a-laugh moment), the action kicks in fast and rarely lets up for the rest of the film’s tightly-packed 105 minute running time. The set pieces are thrilling and frequently fun (particularly Spoon’s ballsy little distraction technique), and the werewolves are impressively brought to life through physical animatronics created by Image FX (the Hellraiser effects team!) and a talented troupe of stilt-walking stunt performers – no cheesy CGI here! Altogether it marked a blinding debut for a singular, visionary sci-fi/horror talent who’s still making his presence felt – Doomsday was a delightfully old-school slice of super violent sci-fi in the John Carpenter vein, while tight, gruesome little Roman-era suspense thriller Centurion proved that a historical epic doesn’t have to be 2+ hours long with a big budget to impress, and Marshall continues to garner real acclaim through his extensive TV work on the likes of Game of Thrones. That said, I can’t wait for him to return to the big screen, preferably with more dark, edgy, blood-soaked fun like this ...

5. TREMORS

I’ve always had something of a bias towards horror movies that are also comedies, or at least that have a strong sense of humour throughout, and when it comes to funny horror movies, this brilliant throwback to cheesy 1950s monster movies is KING, baby! While it snuck in under the radar on its 1990 release, director Ron Underwood’s sleeper universally wowed critics, word of mouth helping it to become an impressive cult smash once it hit home video ... which meant I saw it at JUST the right time, the film quickly becoming a firm fixture in my favourites lists and a major milestone in my own geek development. The premise is simplicity itself – giant underground worms with tentacles in their mouths terrorise an isolated desert community – but underneath the goofy concept is a surprisingly sophisticated movie that continues to influence filmmakers today. Kevin Bacon was in a bit of a career slump at the time (Footloose had been SO LONG before), but this gave him both the shot in the arm he needed and one of his most memorable roles ever – odd-jobbing slacker Val McKee, who has to get off his arse and think big to beat the beasties; Fred Ward is the perfect foil as Val’s crotchety “business” partner Earl Basset, while Finn Carter is thoroughly lovable as scientist Rhonda LeBeck, a no-nonsense smart girl who can go toe-to-toe with the boys (and manages to lose her pants WITHOUT losing her credibility), but the film is consistently stolen by Family Ties star Michael Gross as tightly wound survivalist Burt Gummer – this might be Bacon’s movie, but Gross is the real star, deservedly becoming the driving force of the film’s various sequels AND the spinoff TV series. The film opens with a killer of a funny line, starting as it means to go on – frequently hilarious and smart as a whip, consistently defying character and genre tropes and wrong-footing the viewer almost a decade before Joss Whedon started doing the same with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all the while balancing the belly laughs with some genuinely scary set pieces. The worms themselves (or “Graboids”, if you want to get specific) are spectacular creations, some of the most original movie monsters out there, and they still stand up well today, just like the rest of the film. A cornerstone of the genre that wins over new fans with each generation, this is one of those films that deserves to be remembered for a very long time, and looks set to do just that.

4. EVIL DEAD 2: DEAD BY DAWN

Nobody does screen chaos like Sam Raimi, particularly when it comes to his horror offerings – still his first and purest love. His original debut feature The Evil Dead is rightly considered the DEFINITIVE indie horror, and to this day remains the standard blueprint for all young, aspiring directors starting out in the genre ... it’s also a work of pure, unadulterated MADNESS once it gets going. Raimi upped the ante with this part-remake, part-sequel, the increased budget and proper studio resources meaning he could REALLY let his imagination run riot, and the results are a cavalcade of tongue-clean-THROUGH-cheek, jet black comedic insanity that STILL has yet to be equalled. Bruce Campbell returns as unlikely “hero” Ash Williams, thoroughly out of his depth and failing miserably to hold it together as the ancient tome of evil itself, the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis (“Book of the Dead”), unleashes a horde of undead demons on the isolated forest cabin he’s brought his girlfriend to. Wildly expanding on the supernatural back-story of his original, Raimi and co-writer Scott Spiegel also ramped up the humour, playing the horror on the blackest edge they can, albeit cut with a hefty dose of Tex Avery – Ash’s battle with his own possessed, eventually severed hand is like some demented skit out of The Three Stooges, while the absolute comedic highlight is the ridiculously over-the-top “laughing room” sequence, in which the seemingly inanimate objects in the cabin suddenly come to life and begin to taunt Ash; add in the great wealth of re-view-friendly visual in-jokes scattered throughout and this remains Raimi’s FUNNIEST film to date. Campbell clearly had a ball, throwing himself into the action with everything he had, and he’s ably supported by a meaty (ahem) cast that includes a very pre-Slither Dan Hicks as a seriously scuzzy redneck and Raimi’s own brother Ted, virtually unrecognisable as one of the maniacal Deadites (“I’ll swallow your soul!”). The creature effects from the great Greg Nicotero still stand up spectacularly well today (they remain some of his very best work), from hideous gurning beasts to insane fountains of blood, while Raimi’s direction is pitch-perfect, playing the humour beautifully while still (sometimes simultaneously) building up a near-unbearable atmosphere of unholy dread, and the climax is ingenious, beautifully setting things up for the enjoyably madcap trilogy-closer Army of Darkness: the Medievil Dead. Raimi has finally brought the trilogy the follow-up fans had been waiting decades for with the fantastically bonkers Ash Vs. the Evil Dead series, but this delirious masterpiece remains the franchise’s zenith. Groovy ...

3. JAWS

It may be the oldest film on this list (released in 1975, it’s THREE YEARS OLDER than I am!), but Steven Spielberg’s breakthrough feature has aged incredibly well. Indeed, it almost single-handedly changed the face of big budget cinema, establishing the idea of tent-pole summer blockbusters and blanket-bombardment advertising campaigns (in particularly it was one of the first to make heavy use of television to drum up excitement and interest), ultimately taking over $400,000,000 on its original release (the equivalent of multi-billion big earners like Avatar today) and paving the way for Star Wars two years later. Not to mention the film’s famous negative effect on beach-going for years after ... but under all that there’s a magnificent, masterfully-crafted film, still (rightly) considered one of the director’s best. The plot may be ridiculously simple – New England beach-community Amity Island is terrorised by a man-eating Great White shark – but there’s a stealthily subversive story here, taking old genre conventions and twisting them in new, unexpected directions (which would, ironically, form a template for a great many later horror movies); while the first hour is a slow-burn thriller, the second is more like a light-hearted nautical action adventure with added scares. The French Connection’s Roy Scheider virtually CREATED the everyman-out-of-his-depth hero with his portrayal of Amity police chief Martin Brody, a former New York cop who’s terrified of the water, Richard Dreyfuss is lovable comedic gold as rich kid marine biologist Matt Hooper, Lorraine Gary did a lot with very little as Brody’s wife Ellen, and Robert Shaw effortlessly steals the film as shark hunter Quint, a ferocious, scenery-chewing force of nature in the mould of Moby Dick’s Captain Ahab. The film is immensely rich in great character moments, from Hooper’s rib-tickling arrival on the island and the dialogue-free moment Brody shares with his younger son Sean, to the undeniable high point of the film, where a humorous comparison of scars (which has itself become a popular homage-magnet in film and TV) leads to Quint chilling account of his wartime experience onboard the U.S.S. Indianapolis (the ship transporting the Hiroshima atomic bomb which was torpedoed in the Pacific, leading to over a thousand stranded sailors being eaten alive by sharks); indeed, this is one of Spielberg’s most well-written films, sitcom writer Carl (The Odd Couple) Gottlieb’s polish of author Peter Benchley’s adaptation of his own original novel still zipping and zinging today, although some of the best dialogue was derived from the actors’ own on-set improvisations (most famously Scheider’s now-legendary “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”). It’s also one of his most well-directed, with near-hypnotic tricks in editing and bold, adventurous choices in atmosphere-building, often a result of the shoot’s infamous difficulties – the animatronic shark (affectionately named “Bruce” by the director, and “the Great White Turd” by the crew) created by Bob Mattley (the guy who did the giant squid in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea) was impressive when it worked, but this was so rarely that the director had to devise several means of creating maximum tension WITHOUT showing the shark, which ultimately ADDS to the effectiveness of those scenes, particularly the “barrel-chasing” in the second half. None of these tricks, however, work better than the score from Spielberg’s most faithful collaborator, John Williams, based around a deceptively simple four-note melody that evolves into something spectacularly evocative, which has rightly become the film’s most iconic element. Humorous, intriguing, intense and still thoroughly terrifying when it wants to be, this is, bar-none, the finest man-versus-nature horror EVER MADE, and surely always will be.

2. NEAR DARK

I’m a fool for vampires (much like I’m a fool for redheads, but that’s a whole other conversation), so bloodsucker horror is one of my very favourite sub-genres. I’m also a big fan of Kathryn Bigelow �� two of her most recent features, The Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty, both pinged VERY LOUDLY on my radar (the former is my favourite war movie of the current decade), while her collaboration with then husband James Cameron, Strange Days (he wrote, she directed), rates high on my list of criminally underrated screen gems. So what do you think happened when she made a vampire movie? The results SHOULD have become one of the most celebrated and legendary features in the genre ... except that it came out in October 1987, two months after the admittedly cool and fun but far more glossy and dumb The Lost Boys. Needless to say in the wake of that, Bigelow’s film got kind of lost in the back chatter, nearly flopping at the box office and all but vanishing into obscurity ... until its subsequent release on video (quite rightly) earned it an impressive cult following. Myself included, because this movie is RIGHT UP my dark and dangerous alley. Collaborating with The Hitcher’s screenwriter Eric Red, Bigelow crafted a (largely) deadly serious modern day supernatural “western”, in which cocky farm-boy Caleb Colton (Heroes’ Adrian Pasdar) hits on cute drifter Mae (Jenny Wright, probably best known for her supporting turn in Young Guns 2), only to get WAY more than he bargained for when her kiss leaves him with a crippling hunger and one serious tanning problem. Pasdar’s all-knowing youthful swagger disintegrates as he tumbles further down the vampiric rabbit hole, while Wright’s fragile beauty compliments her character’s deep, soulful melancholy – the pair make for a compelling, tragic romantic centre anchoring the horrors that unfold as Caleb begins to lose himself to his burgeoning nature; even so, the true dark and twisted soul of the film lies with Mae’s predatory nomad “family” – Lance Henriksen is the definitive “dark father” as nihilistic pack leader Jesse Hooker, while his Aliens co-star Jenette Goldstein is his perfect mate as punk rock femme fatale Diamondback, and Joshua John Miller excels as Homer, the bitter old man trapped in a child’s body ... meanwhile Bill Paxton consistently steals the film as mad dog Severen, chewing the scenery to splinters with gleeful, feral aplomb and stealing all the best lines. It’s a potent, heady ride, taking itself pretty seriously throughout but deriving a subtle, inky black sense of gallows humour from the situation, and the set-pieces are intense and thrilling (particularly the shootout in a roadside motel at dawn, where shafts of sunlight become as lethal as bullets). At times it’s also powerful, soulful and bleakly beautiful, Bigelow’s heavily stylised visuals brilliantly augmented by the spiky electronic score from Tangerine Dream. It also subverts the classic vampire conventions with great skill and originality, with nary a cross, coffin or even fang in sight. Like 30 Days of Night, this is the perfect antidote for anyone suffering from Twilight-overload – the monster can be quite interesting when he’s the hero, but he’s just so much more fun when he’s the bad guy ...

1. JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING

While I’m sure many will think I’m mad for preferring this over Carpenter’s other seminal horror classic Halloween, this one’s much more my speed, a perfect exercise in sustained tension, paranoia and white-knuckle terror. Critically mauled and under-performing on its release (it was labelled by many as a sort of “anti-E.T.: the Extraterrestrial”, which came out two weeks earlier ... and interestingly this opened the same day as Blade Runner!), it nonetheless became a massive cult hit now rightly considered one of the true DEFINITIVE horror movies. Faithfully adapting John Campbell, Jr.’s novella Who Goes There? (certainly more so than Howard Hawks’ admittedly entertaining but ultimately very kitsch The Thing From Another World), it revolves around the all-male crew of U.S. research station 4, Outpost 31, in Antarctica, who come under threat from a body-snatching alien entity that can perfectly imitate its victims after investigating the mysterious destruction of a neighbouring Norwegian facility. Carpenter regular Kurt Russell (Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China) is at his gruff best as helicopter pilot R.J. MacReady, the taciturn blue-collar Joe called upon to play “hero”, Keith David (Pitch Black, Carpenter’s They Live) angrily flexes his acting and physical muscles as hot-tempered researcher Childs, Donald Moffat crumbles as ineffectual station commander Garry, and screen legend Wilford Brimley effortlessly makes the exposition compelling as tightly-wound biologist Blair. The freezing Antarctic atmosphere perfectly complements the razor-edged suspense, the idea that ANYONE could be the creature lending every scene a palpable sense of implied threat, while the science of the fiction is thankfully largely put on the back-burner in favour of the story and scares; meanwhile there’s a cheeky edge of jet black humour throughout, from the scuttling disembodied head to Garry’s explosive reaction to MacReady’s improvised humanity-test. Rob (The Howling, Robocop, Fight Club) Bottin’s fantastically nightmarish creature effects are a magnificent achievement, still looking as good today as they did back in 1982, while master composer Ennio Morricone’s subtle, atmospheric score is a triumph of creepy, insidious subliminal effect. For me, this film is the definition of fear – the idea that the threat could be literally ANYONE, that you could even become that yourself, be taken over completely, body and soul, is absolutely terrifying, and Carpenter executes this potential reality with surgical precision from the intriguing, icy start to the bleak, desolate ending. Perfect.

#the mist #30 days of night #poltergeist #bubba ho-tep #dog soldiers #tremors #evil dead 2 #Jaws #near dark #John Carpenter's The Thing #my favourite horror movies #quality horror #Top Tens #decided I wanted to redo this properly cause finally got the hang of this mess

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holylangdon · 5 years

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hi, welcome to the masterlist! please keep in mind that as of mid-2019, i am currently on hiatus! however, i will post ahs content again someday :) if you like my writing and want to read more stuff, my multifandom/non-ahs blog is @mhysaisamaster :)

also! warning! fluff is not tagged! i forgot to do that when i originally made this masterlist. oops. maybe it will get fixed in the future.

♡ love, michael (1, 2, 3, 4): michael langdon’s wife finds out that he’s been cheating on her. she wants answers and probably some time apart, but only after a final hoorah with her (potentially ex-) husband.

☁ let’s talk about death: tate’s best friend is dead and it’s his fault. they discuss it, angst ensues. my first imagine.

♡ love me like you do: tate has a crush on violet’s twin sister, y/n harmon. he confesses and it all leads to some smut.

about a girl: a new girl moves into the murder house. tate shrugs her off as a preppy kid but decides to go through her stuff to investigate. turns out, she likes nirvana. he likes her.

pregnancy: tate and his girlfriend are expecting a baby.

☁ all apologies: tate’s childhood best friend decides to visit the murder house years after his death. tate finds her crying and doesn’t recognize her. she tries to jog his memory.

kiss it better: tate’s girlfriend has been having horrible nightmares and stops sleeping so he tries to help her.

♡ i wanna be yours: tate’s an artist who needs supplies and his girlfriend is annoyed and wants to sleep. he decides that sex is a good middle ground. very kinky.

breed: tate meets a pretty girl at a nirvana concert and loves the sweet, sweet feeling of acceptance.

count me in: tate’s twin sister is in love with violet too. may the best twin win...?

♡ stop the world, i wanna get off with you: tate goes to his neighbor’s house, the one he has a crush on, to run an errand for his mom. she answers the door in a pair of tiny shorts. later, he can't stop thinking about it and decides to relieve himself.

something in the way: the reader is a ghost and helps tate through his transition, which he mistakes as her liking him. he confesses.

past lives: the reader’s friends convince her to use an ouija board in her room, which is where the infamous westfield high shooter died twenty years ago.

♡ electric love: tate wants to try a little something new in the bedroom.

♡ goodnight & go: the reader, who is tate’s best friend, is a virgin. on a late night whim, she admits this to him and says she’d like someone special to take her virginity. tate sees his opportunity... and he takes it.

the emotion: the reader moves into the muder house, and charles seems to take a liking to her.

♡ female robbery: violet’s dad is out of town, and her mom is giving her some space. she decides to go down on her girlfriend.

youth: kyle spencer finds the reader in hiding from the frat party going on downstairs with his pet cat, tara.

♡ shape of you: kyle meets a girl at a college bar and they have sex in the bathroom.

nine in the afternoon: kyle spencer decides to curb the study fatigue with a fun little game of hide and seek.

♡ what you need: kyle decides to skip class and comes home to the sound of moaning coming from his room. who could it be?

girls like me: the reader is having a particularly bad day with her scoliosis. kyle comes home and spends the day with her.

overnight sensation: the reader’s friend drags her to klg’s end of year party and she soon gets uncomfortable. eventually, she finds her way to kyle spencer’s quiet bedroom, where kyle finds her. they proceed to go on instagram and make fun of the people partying downstairs.

♡ i didn't just kiss her: the reader breaks up with her boyfriend when she realizes she’s in love with kyle. safe to say, he shares the same feelings.

☁ will he: an angsty fic based on the song by joji. kyle cheats on his girlfriend and finds himself remembering the better times that you shared together.

electric feel: kyle takes the reader to the fair on a date and somehow convinces her to face her fears and go on a carnival ride that she fears.

if that’s not love: kyle spencer gets drunk and the reader, who happens to be cordelia’s baby sister, sneaks him into the academy. as he sobers up, the reader admits that she’s in love with him.

strangers: a songfic based on the song by halsey. delia begins to have second thoughts about dating one of her students after madison catches them in bed together.

☁ it takes time: when michael langdon admits to cheating on cordelia’s daughter, his fiancé, she goes back home to the academy to heal.

☁ no tears left to cry: cordelia says goodbye to her daughter as she places her under an identity spell with mallory and coco.

♡ stars: misty day takes the reader’s virginity under the stars.

the remedy for a broken heart: years after misty gets trapped in hell, michael langdon performs the seven wonders for the council (and misty’s girlfriend). cordelia asks for him to conquer hell and retrieve the girl.

♡ drops of jupiter: jimmy takes the reader’s virginity.

♡ kisses in the wind: jimmy wakes his baby girl up with morning sex on a lazy sunday morning.

jealousy: james’ girlfriend goes to visit an old friend at the murder house on all hallows eve.

ready or not: james’ girlfriend sees another woman flirting with him, so she kills her. james may or may not enjoy watching.

☁ good mourning: james falls in love with a flapper who performs at the hotel. on new years, someone kills her.

♡ lust for life: james makes the startling discovery that his longtime partner is a killer, just like him.

angel on fire: the countess and donovan find a newly-transitioned afflicted with three dead bodies in the hotel. they take her is as their “daughter,” of sorts.

come as you are: the reader meets donovan at the cortez.

let it go: winter comforts the reader on election night after the results are announced.

♡ flesh to flesh: after oz goes to sleep, winter runs a nice bath for her girlfriend. things turn sexual.

♡ moonlit majesty: winter comes home slightly drunk and very horny. she also has a mommy kink.

♡ little hell: after a very sexually charged interview, michael just can’t resist showing up at the reader’s room at midnight.

the michael thing for kyra: very, very fluffy outpost!michael that i wrote for a friend of mine.

♡ hell is too close: the reader is a demon that used to be michael’s accomplice with benefits and now resides in outpost three. he realizes that he needs her, and after a particularly wonderful harvest of the blood moon, they can’t help but go back to their old ways.

do you wonder: after young!michael confesses his feelings for his best friend and things get passionate between them, he pulls away and doesn’t continue. things are a little tense between them until they talk it out, which results in some extreme fluff.

♡ dealing with the devil: the reader is a witch who was chosen to survive at the outpost. in her interview, michael senses something dark about her and threatens her with a knife. well, she has a blood kink.

♡ to hell with the devil: michael finds out that the reader is a virgin and can’t resist the idea of absolutely ruining her purity, but slowly. his plans go down the drain when her hears her sweet little moans for the first time.

♡ pleaser: priest michael langdon knows about a member of his congregation’s sexual fantasies about him. and now, he wants to see her. privately.

strange magic: the reader is the daughter of warlock john henry moore, and he’s asked her to teach the new student, michael, some things about magic.

cling to me: witch!reader comforts michael after the grocery store incident thinking he’s a warlock. she doesn’t intend to stick around, but feels some strange bond to him.

♡ first wonder (MALE!READER): michael is a new student at the hawthorne school and quickly forms feelings for a boy there. later, in his room, he lets his thoughts wander south.

just looking at the world: the night before michael is set to perform the seven wonders, he comforts his girlfriend, who isn’t sure he’ll make it out alive.

you’re somebody else: when michael langdon wanders into the underground church of satan, the girl sitting next to him decides to take him home for a shower and a good meal.

from eden: michael hates christmas parties with a burning passion, but when he hears that his sorta-kinda-girlfriend is coming, he can't resist attending. he takes her back to his room where it’s quiet so they can talk, and she ends up confessing that she loves him.

♡ say amen: another priest!au, but this time michael wants the reader to pray for him. things get really dirty really fast until he’s making her beg for his cum on her face.

♡ moment’s silence: the world is ending and you can’t do anything but watch it burn until michael sends his cooperative henchmen to collect you. next thing you know, you’ve woken up to the one and only antichrist standing before you.

♡ bedroom hymns: michael’s gone vanilla. he’s not happy when you point it out and punishment ensues.

♡ dinner and diatribes: michael gets pegged at a dinner party. very fem!dom. you’re welcome.

sweet creature: you sold your soul and married satan to bring your lover back from death. after a series of unfortunate events, michael langdon is now in possession of your soul after his father told him you’d be perfect by his side. he can’t help but agree.

house of the rising sun: mallory’s roommate at miss robichaux’s has a crush on her, but mallory doesn't realize. when she notices her growing distant, she pushes a little too far and she snaps, confessing her feelings.

santa baby: violet and her girlfriend decorate her bedroom for christmas.

what a wonderful world: kit, his partner, jude & the kids spend christmas morning together.

♡ baby, you’re a haunted house: michael takes his girlfriend to a haunted house, but they’re forced to leave when things get a little too real. he takes her back to the car to calm her down, but things get heated rather quickly.

♡ psycho killer: michael and his girlfriend are handing out candy and watching scary movies on halloween night. when he gets bored with the blair witch project, she decides to take matters into her own hands. sadly, the two of them keep getting interrupted by trick or treaters.

♡ drunk on halloween: the reader attends la’s hottest halloween party alone after michael declines her plus-one invitation. he tries to get her not to go because he has a bad feeling. later, he steps in to stop a creep who tries to grope her, having followed her to make sure she didn’t get into trouble. he takes her to a private room and things go in that direction.

nearly witches: mallory and her girlfriend go to a halloween festival in the french quarter together to celebrate her favorite holiday.

* christmas at the cortez

* halloween with misty

* the evans throwing a christmas party

* sex with tate langdon

* violet forgiving tate

* pre-death tate asking the reader out

* tate’s so being a witch

* small things tate does for his s/o

* dating pre-death tate langdon

* getting high with tate langdon

* poly relationship with tate and violet

* sex with nora montgomery (fem!reader)

* sex with nora montgomery (male!reader)

* dating charles montgomery

* sex with kit walker

* dating kit walker

* sex with lana winters

* dating lana winters

* non-possessed mary eunice having a crush on a patient

* mary eunice having a taller s/o

* sex with pre-death kyle spencer

* dating pre-death kyle spencer

* pre-death kyle spencer and boobs

* kyle’s frat brother walking in during sex

* poly relationship with kyle and zoe

* sex with post-death kyle spencer

* couples costumes with pre-death Kyle spencer

* first time spanking with kyle spencer

* dating cordelia goode

* dating madison montgomery

* dating misty day

* sex with jimmy darling

* dating jimmy darling

* jimmy dating a shy girl

* jimmy dating someone with scars on their face

* sex with dandy mott

* being elsa mars’ daughter

* dating james march

* james march as a teenager

* marrying james march

* james’ so being a famous singer

* james’ so getting drunk at the bar

* james finding out his so is pregnant

* james’ so finding his back scars

* sex with donovan

* donovan turning his so

* sex with sally mckenna

* sex with tristan duffy

* dating tristan duffy

* wedding and honeymoon with tristan

* dating rory monahan

* sex with kai anderson

* dating kai anderson

* dating winter anderson

* nsfw alphabet with michael langdon

* sex with michael langdon

* dating michael langdon

* michael falling in love with a human

* virgin michael langdon

* michael giving oral

* how they sound in bed

* the evans: taking their partner’s virginity

* the evans: what they would dress up as for halloween

* the evans: on halloween w/ their so

* the evans: what tattoos they would have

* the evans: how they would wake their partner up

* the evans: reacting to their partner fighting someone

* the evans: playing tag with them

* the evans: throwing a christmas party

violence - pre-death tate langdon

the cigarette duet - violet harmon

unchained melody - lana winters

season of the witch - zoe benson

heartbreak hotel - the countess

antichrist - michael langdon

#masterlist

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pastelbatfandoms · 4 years

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Get to know My OC-Suzie Q

Get to know my character

Doing this for My OC Suzanna, of The Walking Dead.

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? I picked Suzanna (spelled with a z because I thought it looked cool) because I liked that Negan would call her Suzie Q.

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? Sex lbr,Sue isn’t above being seduced,or doing the seducing either. But only around Merle,Negan or The Governor,who can easily get her to do what they want and they know this.

03. Something they like about themselves? Her Strength and resilience.

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical) I’ll start with her first boyfriend Merle Dixon,who she had been with since before the turn.

Mentally: Would have to be Merle’s humor (crude or not),how he flirts (with her anyway),his cockiness,How protective he is and how unpredictable.

Physically: I mean Merle may not be everyone’s cup of tea (or bottle of whisky) but with those baby blue eyes,that mischievous grin,those arms and that swagger,he sure is Sue’s. Oh did I forget to mention she has an older man kink? ;)

Next would be Suzanna’s other lover,who she met in Woodbury,of course I mean Philip Blake aka The Governor.

Mentally: Suzanna was attracted to his intelligence,his quiet confidence,leadership qualities and that mysterious aura he seemed to have around him.

Physically: That smile,those eyes,his body isn’t half bad either,but it’s his charm and darkness that really attracts her.

Now onto her current lover Negan,leader of The Saviors. How she met him is a tad more complicated...

Mentally: Suzie loves his confidence,humor,and leadership skills,as well as his growth as a person. To her Negan is almost like Merle and Philip rolled into one.

Physically: I mean Negan is hot,anyone can see that! Especially when he first showed up,those Daddy good looks coupled with that swagger and dangerous smirk. Yeah Suzie definitely fell for him,even when she tried not too.

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type? Definitely Confident. Though she didn’t have much experience until she met Merle.

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying? lol it’s the zombie apocalypse,what hobbies? Sue’s men are pretty open to whatever she likes,especially Negan since she met him after the turn where pretty much anything goes.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? No though she tends to steal some of Negan’s phrases like ‘Easy Peasy’

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it? Um the fact that she has no self control lol maybe because of the fact that she grew up in a religious household. Her weakness for the bad boys,or worse.

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? NOT Summer or Winter since they’ve almost died during both. Maybe Autumn or Spring. Holiday,what’s that? They don’t even know what YEAR it is now let alone day.

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine? A mixture of both.

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? Well her bloodlust kinda kicked in after being with Negan,besides that probably being pushed by one of Negan’s Wives and having her loyalty questioned.

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? Her Survival instincts & fighting skills,give those up and she might as well be Walker food.

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? She’s a light sleeper anymore and has a hard time sleeping on her own.

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates? Suzie was adopted by Hershal as a young Teen,after the zombie apocalypse happened she got separated from her family and traveled with The Dixon’s where they found a camp,she got separated after reuniting with her family,where she met Michonne,they traveled together until Woodbury where she found Merle again. After that whole thing with The Governor and Rick’s group,Sue went into hiding,until she found out she was pregnant and went to find Rick,Daryl and the rest. They traveled together and finally settled in Alexandria,until The Saviors came and after much bloodshed and fighting,Sue joined them,becoming Negan’s wife.

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear. Not really,though her and Philip did not end on good terms and she really cannot stand Simon.

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? lol Definitely more of The Athletic type now. She was super girly when Merle first met her.

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? Technically she is married to Negan and she has two children.

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode? She really doesn’t care as long as her family is with her.

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily? She tended to avoid them as a Teen,letting her BFF take the lead,but now yeah she can be pretty hot headed and the only time she caves in is when it’s one of her men.

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? Dogs all the way.

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear? Losing her children,like she lost her family and Merle.

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have? Other then her hair changing from Blonde to Brown constantly,no.

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? Sue didn’t really like school but her parents were strict so she had to maintain straight A’s.

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? Personality wise? Since she’s currently with Negan,I’ll just describe him. I’d say to the outside world he’s Smart,A leader,Dangerous,unpredictable,cocky and self assured. To Suzie (and later on when he loses everything) he still is all those things,especially when they first meet,but he’s more open with her,serious and has his morals,he won't hurt or kill children or those that he feels don’t deserve it and he doesn’t rape either,Negan also has deep rooted pain from losing his wife Lucille.

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? I would say losing Merle,Her Father and a sister in Beth still effects her a bit, Also almost dying at the hands of her former lover (Who also killed her Father and Merle)

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc? I made A-Z NSFW Headcanons for The Governor and Merle already,I might make one for Negan as well,but their are already really good ones of him out there!

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? Well there really isn’t any law anymore but before the turn it would probably be for doing something stupid with Merle like underage drinking.

28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? lol idk maybe acting.

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one? Almost sacrificed her life.

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like? Not much in the way of tv now,but before she liked watching Zombie and B Horror movies,also going out to parties,and listening to her sister Beth sing,watching Wrestling with Daryl and his GF,her BFF,Carol Lynn,dressing up to go out with Merle,she still likes Decorating,Negan’s pretty much let her decorate there room however she likes.

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? Yes she has,mainly Zombies but she has killed people before out of necessity and protection.

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? As long as she’s with them she doesn’t really care. Her first date with Merle was at a restaurant/Bar,then they went dancing at a club and then back to his place...With The Governor it was sharing drinks out in the garden,though if he had a choice Philip would have taken her out to a nice restaurant. Suzie didn’t really have a conventional first date with Negan but they have their quiet nights alone,candle lit dinners,kinky sex ;) Negan also spoils her with presents every time they go out.

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? Her Room...lol seriously though,what alone time? Though sometimes her and the other wives hang out in Eugene’s room,playing video games and drinking if they need an escape.

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc) Breakfast Foods mainly.

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? Not much anymore,though she is afraid of leaving her kids behind.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? No

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? Being hit on,especially when she’s taken. Her men flirting with someone else.

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? As long as it’s not an extreme weather,she really doesn’t care.

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? Well as Negan said when they first met “You are such a badass!” and he’s not wrong. Others may think she’s easily manipulated and maybe she is,at first.

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others? Not really,she did try and hide her kinkier side with The Governor but Negan pretty much has done away with being ashamed of anything and told her they don’t need to hide that in The Sanctuary.

41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? They used to.

42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change? Sometimes she regrets meeting The Governor or siding with Negan over Alexandria but Suzie wouldn’t really change it.

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? I think different people see different aspects of her personality and vice versa.

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? Her Children or Negan dying.

45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? A bit of both.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? With Merle,Sue always sat on his lap if he was sitting on a chair or recliner. She does that with Negan too,with The Governor she always kissed his bad eye,if he was having a bad day,just to show him that she still loved him no matter what he looked like..

47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? Sue used to be shyer but now she’s definitely more outgoing and a leader.

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? Again her men flirting with someone else,especially Merle. Negan favoriting another wife over her.

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? She used to have nightmares about finding Merle as a Zombie or of The Governor killing her but they have since dissipated.

50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? With Merle it was after their first time and Merle said it first,he was super nervous about it and Sue had to reassure him that she loved him too.

With Philip it was to reassure him that she wasn’t going anywhere,after he lost his eye and turned dark.

With Negan it was during a particularly rare moment of confindment after he told her about Lucille,he didn’t say it back until a few months later when he was absolutely sure,and when he knew she wouldn’t leave him.

#my oc #twd negan #twd merle #the governor #get to know my oc

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iamjjmmma · 5 years

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i spent an hour typing up the full storyline to my steven universe fanfic i’ll never make and here goes.

Consider this a chapter from a history book I guess.

This was inspired by a lot of things, but mainly inspired by me researching Ocean City, MD (which is eerily close to Beach City and eerily close to where Sugar grew up) since I went there a few years ago and spent my childhood summers. But here we go.

Steven is now eighteen and ready to marry Connie and move out of his parents’ place, although he swears never to forget his Gem heritage. Just then, Spinel comes back down using the lightpad the Diamonds have.

NOTE: 1 SECOND IN THE DIAMOND WORLD=1 DAY IN THE HUMAN WORLD, meaning Spinel would have only been gone for about 13 minutes.

She claims she wanted to go back to say one last goodbye. She notices how much time would pass in the human world without the Diamonds even giving her a second thought and decides to stay for 6 months, realizing she needs to repair her relationships with the other characters. During that time, she becomes closer with all the characters, but most of all with Pearl, who has now developed a protective instinct over her and considers her just as much of her “child” as Steven is. So she’s accepted as a temporary member of the Universe family as Steven’s “sister” and as Greg’s “daughter” that he’s always wanted.

Meanwhile, in one of the more overlooked suburbian neighborhoods in Beach City, the injector left a trail of its poison on one of the cul-de-sacs...right in the only area where it’s legal for carriers to deliver newspapers. This has caused a man named George Handley, who lives in that street, to not have any current issues of his newspaper. In fact, the last issue of the paper was when Spinel was on Earth and how it basically portrayed her as pure evil. Since George is quite the gem extremist/human supremacist, thinking they’re out to destroy humanity. And he also has a pistil, well… yeah.

Slowly, tensions grow in between the Gems and the humans, culminating one day with Steven getting into a scuffle in one of the town alleyways and coming home very much hurt.

One day, Pearl and Spinel go to the children’s theatre one day to watch one of their plays, with Greg and Steven being gone for a music gig. Unbeknownst to them, George is also coming to see his 9-year-old daughter Delaney and her 11-year-old boyfriend Ken. Once George sees the duo, he pulls you-know-what out of his pocket and fires away. Pearl shields Spinel, but not...quite.

In fact, the poison did more than just destroy organic matter. It cancels it out, yes, but it also replaces it with crystalline matter, aimed to both destroy humans and turn them into half or full Gems. It does the opposite with the Gems, causing them to possess more and more human traits, some of which include dying in human ways and retaining a bodily form after their Gems shatter.

It takes a few seconds for Pearl to even realize Spinel is hurt, and even when she does, with the help of a completely unhelpful human crowd, she doesn’t know anything she can do but calm Spinel down until her gem shatters. *cue sad harmonica music prisoners in movies play*

George is completely devastated and remorseful, having heard Spinel’s crying, which sounds like a child. He tells Pearl about how he’s a father himself, and Pearl says how that “makes him even more sick” before she punches him in the face and knocks him out. Pearl tells everyone what happened. They bury Spinel near Rose’s Fountain. Afterwards, they spend time with the Handley family and with Ken, meeting George’s wife Margaret (iT mEaNs PeArL sEe WhAt I dId ThEre).

One day, the Diamonds start to frantically call Earth every second, which translates into once every 2 or 3 days. Each time, they offer a different explanation, but time’s running out. Eventually, they bring George, who fabricates what happened and makes himself look like the hero. Despite everyone else trying to tell the Diamonds this, they say they’d much rather believe the words of a “humble father” instead of any of the rest of them. (poor greg)

The Gems determine the humans are getting dangerous and that they need to address this. Steven is the representative, but once a mob of humans attack, the Gems attack back. The United States interprets this as a declaration of war.

…

It’s now been 5 years since the war started. It’s been very organized- mostly made up of volunteers, with battles going on in uninhabited places. High tensions still exist between the Gems and the humans, but it dies down to a topic that people talk about when they’re bored. No, nobody important died, although Steven’s grown to be a handsome 23-year-old and looking suspiciously like Steg. We now go back to Rosanna, who is now 14, and Ken, who is now 16. During science class one day, Rosanna discovers traces of the poison (nicknamed “gobbledy goopy goo”) in the schoolyard, and looking under a microscope using a cheek swab, they discover it’s replacing the cells with a mixture of microscopic crystals and alien-looking fluid. A kid volunteers to POUR the rest of the poison on his arm, and it mutates into a Gem-ish arm.

Ken realizes that they’ve discovered a major advantage in the war, and so they spend the next few months teaming up with the Steven Universe gang and trying to find a way to keep the Gems going as a failsafe in case the Gems don’t make it to the planets they want to migrate to. So they purposefully inject themselves with poison until they turn half-Gem. Along the way, they meet new friends, lose new friends, and have a tone of character development. The surviving Gems all leave Earth, and Ken and Rosanna use the light pad once more to go to the most isolated, the smallest, the most remote planet in all the galaxy: the Garden.

They form a network of wires around the planet to deliver a paralyzing electric shock to anyone should they dare to step on the light pad, trapping themselves in the planet for the rest of their lives out of fear the cycle will start all over again if they do. Using a juice extracted from the dead forget-me-nots that turns out to be where the poison originated the whole time, they take out the Gem parts from them and create two Gem creatures that resemble them both in appearance and action. Ken and Rosanna discover how to use the poison to bring back the plants, surprisingly, and grow their own food, living the rest of their days there and dismantling the electric wires when they reach old age.

Meanwhile, all the Steven Universe characters are making a life away from Earth on a nearby planet, without any humans, and build a Homeworld-like planet. Steven and Connie settle down and have children there, and the rest of the Gems live happily and peacefully.

and all of this because a newspaper carrier was late.

Also: the Diamonds built the injector, it being a machine recycled from the first war. They were also the ones who discovered the poison’s use and sent Spinel to Earth as an attempt for them to build a Gem army there, offering Spinel “the perfect revenge.” Ah, well.

here’s what george looks like:

we know he’s a white suburban guy.

but is he your dad?

is he a licensed alien shooter?

the world may never know

#steven universe movie #steven universe #why did i make this

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searchin-for-an-urchin · 7 years

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We Got This, Baby. (John Laurens x Reader) Chapter 1

Hey, look at me actually writing something!

This is the first time I’ve actually posted fanfiction, so I’m excited for the opportunity to do this.

Day 4 of @pleasegivemethatpenback Write-a-thon: Write about your favourite au, whether it’s a coffee shop au, high school or college au, an au with supernatural creatures or anything else, write something in an au that you love!

I chose an “office au” because I work in an office and the drama is real, y’all.

Masterlist

T/W: pregnancy, cruddy boyfriend, working a lot.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Epilogue

Your alarm wakes you from your slumber at 5:05am. You glance over to your left to see if your boyfriend Charles is there. He’s not. Big shock. With a sigh, you pull yourself away from your comfortable bed and start to get ready for the day. In the next two hours your routine is simple. You take a shower, pull your hair into a bun or other hairstyle that keeps your hair out of your face, put on a small amount of makeup, get dressed, leave your house, grab coffee and bagels for you and your boss and be at work by 7:00am. Once you were there you would drop off said coffee and bagel with your boss, Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton, run to the restroom to throw up, come back to your desk and work for twelve hours breaking for light snacks, sometimes actual meals and bathroom breaks. 6 days a week.

Contrary to how that sounds, you love your job working in the Treasury building. You were Secretary Hamilton’s first assistant to actually stick for more than a month, and everyone on Capitol Hill is grateful, President Washington and Ambassador du Motier especially, but perhaps no one was more grateful than your boss’ family. Eliza, his wife, has made it a habit to invite you to dinner every so often to share her gratitude.

So, as usual, you walk into the Treasury Building On this particular morning, when dropping off Hamilton’s coffee and bagel, you walked in not on a man huddled over his desk staring at a computer looking as if he hadn’t slept in two days, but into a room with a bright eyed, bushy tailed Treasury Secretary talking animatedly, cheerfully, with another person. A man. As you announce your presence by knocking on the door, both men turn their heads to face you, and the man who isn’t Mr. Hamilton stands up, very clearly a tall person, probably beating your boss’ height by a few inches and yours by several. His brown curly hair was loosely tied back and his hazel eyes were shining. Mr. Hamilton’s voice breaks through your focus when he says loudly,

“Ah, Y/N! Good morning, how are you?” You smile and hand him his coffee and bagel. After he states his thanks you reply,

“Pretty great, ready for the morning to start. And yourself?”

“Wonderful, as always.” You manage to keep your composure but the other man visibly twitches and lets out a small chuckle. “Do you have something to say, Laurens?” The man, apparently Laurens(?), answers

“Actually, I don’t believe you always feel wonderful. In fact, before I walked in here fifteen minutes ago you looked dead.” Now it was your turn to let out a chuckle when you jump in.

“That’s a pretty typical appearance for Mr. Hamilton, but it seems you already know that.” Laurens turns to you and reaches his right hand out to shake yours.

“I’m John Laurens. Alexander and I served together.” You firmly shake his hand, it clearly dwarfing yours but rather than being overpowering and harsh, it was warm and comforting.

“Y/N L/N. I’ve been Mr. Hamilton’s assistant for the last six months.”

“Oh! You’re the one Laf has mentioned! No wonder I’ve actually seen Alexander more than once in the last few months. You’ve been a godsend to his family and friends. Thank you for that.”

“Oh, it’s been my pleasure. I’ve been able to learn more about working on Capitol Hill, so it has been mutually beneficial.” You smile once again, glancing at the clock. You note that it’s 7:15 so the nauseous feeling creeping up is right on time. You look directly at the man in front of you and start to excuse yourself.

“It was wonderful to meet you, Mr. Laurens-”

“Please, call me John-”

“It was wonderful to meet you, John, but I really must run to the Ladies’ room before I start work.” You turn your attention to Mr. Hamilton and ask,

“Is there anything specific you need me to do today, Mr. Hamilton?”

“Yes, Y/N. When you’re back at your desk you’ll help ‘John’,” he rolls his eyes towards his friend, and John’s face flushes slightly, “With organizing a fundraiser for whichever charity he’s working with now. He’ll meet you at your desk here in a bit.” You nod in understanding and walk out of the room, speeding towards the ladies’ room. You aren’t the only woman in the building, but you were the only one in this wing, so you had a bathroom of six toilets all to yourself as you run towards the first stall, fall to your knees and begin to heave your smoothie up. After a few minutes you stand up, flush the toilet and wash your hands and face. Taking a deep breath you place your left hand on your stomach, just above your belly button and whisper

“Come on, baby. We got this.”

After you’re done puking your guts out, you come back to your desk to see John, your breakfast consisting of a watered down decaf iced coffee and bagel, and a stack of disorganized papers waiting for you. Taking a deep breath, you gesture to an empty chair for John to grab and sit down in your own. After a few moments of silence, you suggest,

“So, tell me about this charity.” His face instantly lights up.

“This non-profit organization is pretty all encompassing. It has a few shelters in the area that it oversees, helps with meals, assists people in finding homes, finding jobs, it also helps with legal representation if someone needs it for whatever reason. The charity has been a solid part of D.C. for years, but it’s slowly gaining more traction and notoriety.” You nod in understanding as you take a bite out of your bagel, grateful for food to satisfy you (and this nausea inducing child). He continues, “What really needs to be done is creating a fundraiser for the charity, but also create volunteer opportunities tailored to those on this godforsaken Hill.” You swallow your food and raise an eyebrow, scoffed, obviously a bit offended,

“You realize I’m on this Hill too, right? I don’t plan on being an assistant my entire life, but I am here for a reason.” John obvious felt startled by your response. “I mean, while I never plan on running for office or anything, my goal is to be a Chief of Staff for a president eventually,” You see a look of intrigue on John’s face, and when he seems ready to butt in you sit up straight in your seat and keep voicing your opinion. “Yes, there are many people on this ‘godforsaken Hill’ as you call it who are in it for the prestige or the chance at glory themselves, but I’m going to be a Chief of Staff for a president I believe in. I do not care how long that takes, but that is what I want to do.”

Your outburst stunned John into silence, and you felt rather proud. Before relaxing back into your seat and finishing your breakfast you add, “Oh. And I volunteer on a weekly basis. As does the rest of this office. It’s one of the changes your friend allowed me to make when I became his assistant.” After a minute, a grin breaks out on John’s face and he pipes up,

“I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Y/N. Probably very well, if I’m being honest.” You don’t respond, but rather take a drink of your coffee and roll your eyes.

“I don’t really have the privilege to not get along with my boss’ friend, so you aren’t wrong.” He chuckles and jeers,

“You don’t strike me as someone who will play the politics game unnecessarily. But, of course, I don’t know you so I could be wrong.” He hands you some of the papers off of the stack that is precariously laying on your desk,and you start going through the papers. He glances back at you and catches your eye and proposes “Let’s get started?’”

At 11:05am, you hear John groan and turn your attention to him. His hazel eyes are glazed over, and he looks exhausted. Letting out a laugh you inquire

“Giving up already?” John just stares at you as you giggle even more. You start to straighten up your desk and intercom into Mr. Hamilton’s office. “Sir,” you say into the phone, “Just a reminder, you have lunch with Eliza today. You should be leaving in five minutes.” Hamilton grunts in response, and you end the intercom. Pointing your attention back to John you throw out “Lunchtime?” John nods in response and starts packing up as well.

The two of you end up walking to Cafe du Parc, a French bistro less than a mile from the Treasury Building. Along the way, in between a joke about Mr. Hamilton’s sleeping habits (“He’s never had one” John assured you) and a question about his actual job (“I was blessed with not needing to have a job. I volunteer.), you are joined by another human being. One that greeted you and John by tackling John and lifting him off of his feet. You stood there shell-shocked with a surprised look on your face before you realized who it was. Ambassador du Motier, in all his six foot curly hair pulled back glory, or Laf as John and Mr. Hamilton address him, energetically embraced his old friend, while another man you’ve never seen before stood to the side. Noticing your hesitance, the beanie-wearing stranger held his hand out and introduced himself.

“Hercules Mulligan. Laf, John and I served together, but John is currently occupied by trying to remain standing, so I thought I’d introduce myself.” You try to hold back a laugh as you relax and shake his hand.

“Y/N L/N. If you served with John then you know my boss Secretary Hamilton- I’m his assistant.” Hercules nods in understanding as you continue “John needed help with organizing a few events for the charity he’s working with, and Mr. Hamilton is not overwhelmed as normal so I’m assisting John over the next few weeks in addition to my normal position.” Hercules lets out a laugh and points towards John and Laf, whom you now see on the ground, wailing around. Both you and Hercules walk over to them as the two men try to get up after laughing so hard. Laf notices you and says,

“It’s so nice to see you again, Y/N! I see Hamilton has pushed his friend on you. I apologize. John is truly the worst out of the four of us.” John indignantly replies,

“I am not,” to which Laf retorts,

“Great argument, mon ami.” Before you can add anything into the fray of conversation occurring, John jumps up, wraps his right arm around your stomach and threatens Laf;

“I don’t need a great argument when I have Y/N to help defeat you,” he punctuates this by lifting you up with one arm (damn, he’s strong), and moving you around like one would turn with a shield to survey his attackers. You burst out with laughter as John does this then remember you have a baby in your stomach, so maybe this isn’t the best thing to be doing. You politely ask John to set you down, he obliges, and backs away a bit. You then inquire,

“Hercules, Ambassador, would you like to join us for lunch?” While looking towards the two men, you don’t see John shaking his head behind you. What you did see was the Ambassador place a smirk on his face and say

“Why yes, we would love to, and you definitely should call me Laf, not Ambassador. I have a feeling you would be around for awhile, ma cherie.” You glance behind yourself to see John looking tense once again, but he tries to cover it up when he notices your attention.on him. You roll your eyes and add,

“Okie dokie then, I’m in need of some ratatouille, so let’s go.” Walking across the street without the guys, you pull out your phone and dial Charles’ number, trying to get a hold of him but his voice mail was once again the only time you’ve heard his voice. You walk a bit faster, leaving your voicemail.

“Charles, babe, I really need to talk to you. I understand you’re terrified, dude, so am I. But I need you to answer so we can actually talk about this. This is a baby we’re talking about. A baby,” you emphasize, “But come on, love, we can do this.”

#pleasegivemethatpenback write a thon #We Got This Baby #John Laurens x Reader #Chapter 1 #Here we go!#imaginehamswriteathon

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akelyokikagu · 7 years

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The Cursed - chapter I

# The Cursed - Chapter I

## Crimes strike at midnight

Midnight was the hour crimes struck, as it was universally known criminals fancied midnight as the time to initiate any of their machiavellian plans. The plans could include elegant thefts to savage murders, but tonight’s was from another genre if crimes were books that had an end, or not. When it came to murders or thefts there always had a trail of clues the police of Edo could hike through; but now it had been weeks since the Shinsengumi couldn’t solve the case. It was everywhere: newspapers, TV , everyone knew and everyone were frightened for their sisters, daughters or lovers.

All the victims were adult females, age ranging from eighteen to twenty-five, all of them accomplished in a way or another—the first was a famous artist, the second a gold medals champion, the third a skilled orator and daughter of politicians. Had all the girls targeted been famous, the Shinsengumi would be able to narrow potential preys and assure their security. This was not the case. Some became notorious only through the case; however all females also shared a common point besides accomplishment: beauty, thus earning the nickname of "Sleeping Beauties". Indeed, despite calling over experts and doctors from all the country not a single one could elucidate what happened to the victims as there were no external nor internal injuries, no poisons or toxins, all were positively healthy. Supposedly. Instead, they were all sound asleep and wouldn't wake up no matter what.

It was as if life force itself had been sucked out of them, or as if they became soulless. How the criminal or criminals did so, no one knew.

As of now the public defiled the image of the Shinsengumi day by day as the list of victims grew longer, to the opposite of their clues. Journalists harassed Hijikata for not being as competent as rumoured, Kondo for his constant stalking instead of working and some even suspected Okita for being a deviant Sadist. Although the second was true and the last half, they were officers nonetheless and patrolled every district at night—unfortunately the dark circles below their fatigued eyes weren't what the public saw.

"The Shinsengumi: a useless bunch of country bumpkins? Special pictures of chief Kondo Isao harassing cabaret girls!" Hijikata read the scandalous title from different newspaper with a strained tone, this had been their quotidian now, "Kondo-san I know you want to court Shimura-san but we can't afford to lose even more of the public opinion! And Sougo! What the hell are you doing around Yoshiwara with a chained girl?!"

"I need to affirm my feelings for Otae-san, Toshi! That's how you win a woman so beautiful and strong." "It's not my fault if sows just fall under my feet, Hijikata-san, what would you do if you find one? Just step on her, right?" "No one do that besides you, actually." Hijikata smashed none-too-gently his cigarette into the ashtray on the table, full of the different divisions' reports. "No clues today either."

An uncomfortable silence settled in the tea room, although the Shinsengumi officers were known to be country samurais with very "unique" personality, not a single of them were proud of the current affair. If they couldn't gather and solve the case now the Shogun might disband them because of their ineffectiveness, bolstered by the fact public opinion was assassinating their name. Disbanding would also mean tearing apart a shared dream from long ago, and all the sacrifices they made to be what they are now, all things left behind in order to move forward. Regrets, too.

"… Maybe the Yorozuya Boss knows something. He always does whenever we don't," Kondo finally suggested, "he might already be on it." "All because this lazy silver-perm is the protagonist of *Gintama* what's the point of having such useless main character…" He sighed, "but Kondo-san, you might be right. " "I'll go tomorrow with Hijikata-san." "It's rare of you to propose yourself Sougo! Daddy is proud of you, right Mother?" "WHO'S A MOTHER?" "Because of the patrols I haven't been able to beat China up, anyway. My body's dull, maybe I should go for a tabasco cake."

Kondo and Hijikata decided not to comment about the youngest's plans, after all, one shouldn't look too deep into a sadist's thought. ---- "Oi Kagura, stop reading so close or else you'll become a human wearing glasses like Patsuan." "That's not true Gin-chan, if I wear glasses then I'll be the cute heroine with glasses! There's no way I'll become something like Shinpachi." "Please stop talking like I wasn't here you two, who do you think cook and do all the house chores here?!"

As usual the Yorozuya were being noisy whenever clients weren't present, which to say represented more than ninety percents of the time. One could wonder about how could Sakata Gintoki afford to feed both a giant dog, a gorilla of a daughter in addition of himself, and still have a roof over his head, but then one would remember Sakata Gintoki didn't pay taxes nor rents. Policemen had yet to arrest them, as they did save Edo plenty of time, and most importantly if the chief wasn't aiming at the Shimura eldest as his wife.

"Oi stupid perm, open the door!"

Tax-robbers came.

"Kagura, did you hear? I think I just hear a mosquito right now, what should we do? It's still winter, do you think it's an alien mosquito like the alien cockroaches we had?" "WHAT DID YOU SAY BASTARD?" "Boss, I have a bazooka." "Excuse-me—" "Ah," Hijikata let out a satisfied sigh. "Mosquitoes. There are two right now, they're coming to suck our tax money dry. quick Kagura, we need to smash'em." "— There is a reward, Boss." "Pachi, please open the door to our respectable customers," Gintoki rose up and sat straight on the green couch, coughing up once before looking at Kagura with his dead-fish eyes. "Kagura, go make some tea. Bring the best!"

Kagura snorted back, not even deigning to sit properly. "We don't have good tea Gin-chan, and reading JUMP is better when you're lying down." Before she could continue the passionating story of *Death Pad* a kick came to her waist.

"Oh, a piggy. Danna, do invite me if you're going to roast it, I'm a pro." "… Sadist!" "Don't fight oi, Sougo we came for something else." Hijikata went in front of the duo, not bothering to cross his legs. "Clearly, you aren't civil either. What did both of you come for? It's rare for the Shinsengumi to come to us with a request," Shinpachi laid snacks on the table, hoping to get some money out of the policemen. "Have you heard of the 'Sleeping Beauties'?" "Yeah, do you know how scared I am for my Ketsuno Ana? She stopped appearing on TV you know! Her big brother decided to guard her, I swear, I can't even wake up to her delicate voice and—" "Do you have any informations? Especially what can be the criminal? An Amanto, perhaps?"

Gintoki shook his head, he had seen a lot in his life but not women suddenly falling asleep, maybe once when the giant ex-boyfriend came to take his red-haired brat although he doubted the current meticulous criminal had anything to do with foul oral odour. Kagura didn't worry him, this time, fortunately the criminal hadn't anything to do with a lolicon (or feminist) either.

The officers were in their way into frowning when Kagura interrupted with her index pinpointing a panel from *Death Pad*. "Why should it be an Amanto? It could be something else, yes? If it was an Amanto, I would have known. Papy gave me lot of books about different aliens, but there aren't any that are like that."

"If it's not a human or an Amanto, what could it be? *Ryok*?" "Uh-uh, what if it's a demon? It's not like we haven't met ghosts in *Gintama*, and they like to take life force from humans, yes?" "JUMP is making you even more stupid than usual, China, why would a demon—" "Oi Sougo, the China girl might be right this time. The criminal doesn't let any clues, as if he could disappear into thin air, nobody has seen him or her yet." "Haah, are you listening to China now Hijikata-san? Wow, I didn't know you could be even lower in my esteem, congratulation." "Seriously Sougo, it's no time to get jealous—" (Jealous?!) "— Have you ever heard of Incubus? It's a male demon preying on women at night," he coughed as talking of such depraved creatures in front of Kagura seemed inappropriate. "I hope it's clear enough as to how they take life forces."

Hijikata's words buzzed into everyone's brain, with the exception of Kagura, linking and bonding with the datas they possessed. They had few notions about Incubus, mostly through their feminine counterparts, the Succubus, but imagining a demon very much active in Edo was unheard of. The dead belonged to another world where they couldn't reach the livings, only experimented *onmyoujis* and priests were able to whisper into their ears. Those said experts were from big families like Ketsuno Ana's, the Bakufu had them under their service in order to seal the city from the dead.

In the best case this meant there had been leaks from them, voluntarily or not. In the worst, it meant another or a group of individuals had a grasp of such power with the will of creating chaos within Edo. To treachery, it was the Shinsengumi's duty to bestow the justice, but the Yorozuya's to protect the city.

"Oi, how much is the reward?" "Enough to buy you months of parfaits and pachinko, Boss," Sougo smirked at the now-burning eyes of Gintoki, wondering if it was the idea of danger overshadowing Edo that worried the silver perm or the idea of enjoying his sugary treats. "The Yorozuya will accept this request!" "Gin-san/Gin-chan," two smiling figures suddenly appeared behind Gintoki. Simultaneously, the hands reached his shoulders in a strong, threatening grasp. "You have to pay us, right?"

Gintoki gulped. "H-Hah?"

Screams echoed all through the busy city of Edo. ---- The moon was bright and round when a lean figure slipped in the messy bedroom. Sheets of music cluttered the wooden floor so much one could hardly notice the planks underneath, even the furnitures were blotted with ink, waft of its scent drifting to the male.

"Did you know? Overworking is bad to a woman's health and beauty," the cackling voice resonated in the humble room. It leaned towards a female, deep into sleep, "but then again this is what make your soul so delicious." "Huuh.. You are here again," the purple-haired woman murmured sleepily.

Purple eyes gleamed akin to a predator's, the man licking his lips before pressing them to Otsuu's.

"Good night, sleeping beauty. I wonder if you'll ever wake up with what I left you with, artists like you have such a taste. It's a shame you never last enough," the voice of the individual bewitched Otsuu, like a gentle yet seductive whisper in your ears, resonating deep in you. Hypnotised, the idol let the cold finger lift her chin up while her eyes slowly closed down, lulled by the demon.

Some vile creatures were blessed with a special ability; mermaids had the capacity of captivating anyone who have the bad fortune— or good luck— to hear their voices. As much, Incubus and Succubus were pictures as great beauties snatching humans' hearts, but only few knew about the danger of listening to a demon's susurrus.

They penetrated into your soul, mind and heart, prying on all your memories before flaying you open, reading you like a book. Dangerous whispers talking to your desires and dreams.

END

#Okikagu #Gintama #Fanfic #English #Kagura #Okita Sougo #Yorozuya #Shinsengumi

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suckerforhobi · 7 years

Text

The demon, the girl and the deal Pt.01

Pairing: demon!Yoongi x human!Reader (1st POV)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, (future)Smut

WARNINGS: SWEARING, mentions of violence

General POV

1787

The young man nervously drank his cup of tea, he was waiting for someone to meet. He was in the backyard of his small wooden house. He thought he had messed up something. He did everything the local witch had told him. In Vienna he could find another, if the old hag really lied to him. Many people claimed they had talent for sourcery but that woman seemed to be trustworthy as she had healed children, who were at the verge of dying.

Felix wasn’t sure in his decision, maybe he would have done it better if he hadn’t listen to his friend’s bragging about how a certain demon fulfilled his wishes. Felix didn’t have anything - he was just a poor man who wanted to become a composer just like Mozart.

The atmospehere was exceptionally gloomy, like the silence before the storm. Clearly, the young man didn’t know what to expect, were the demons as scary as people told in the church?

‘Demons don’t exist.’ He thought and he was ready to go back to his house, to his wife when he heard someone was clearing his throat. He jumped back in fear causing him to drop his cup but turned around to find the source of the sound. And there he was - another young man with raven hair. He looked like a foreign, as he was slit-eyed and he had black hair. He wasn’t short but wasn’t tall either, Felix was only one or two inches taller than the creature of the darkness.

“Good evening, Felix.” The demon grinned at the terrified human, mischief and cockiness were evident in his eyes. “How can I help you?”

“Wha-what’s your name?”

“Yoongi. So now, will you tell me why did you summon me in such a late hour?”

The demon seemed to be amused as if he had gained energy sensing the discomfort of the poor souls who were desperate enough to make a deal with him. It was true - Yoongi did enjoy it.

“I want to m-ma-make a deal with you.” Felix stammered, he felt like all the words froze in his throat.

“What would you like, human?”

“I want to be a good composer like Amadeus Mozart or Joseph Haydn.”

Yoongi snorted at his wish, letting out a small chuckle.

“Oh like Mozart? Well, Leopold also made a deal with me, asking me to give even more talent to his son.”

That caught Felix off the guard, he didn’t expect that supernatural forces helped his role model’s amazing career. He couldn’t believe it - maybe behind every talented person there was a demon?

“Will you fulfill my wish?”

“I have few conditions.”

“What? But please, don’t take away my soul after ten years, I want to see my children growing up…”

“You’ll have three sons.” Yoongi stated. “So, if you don’t want to die so soon, I can change the rules now. I make the deals, I make the rules.”

“Sure.”

“You should give me your first female descendent, as a bride.”

Felix’s eyes got wide, he had heard tales about demons taking away the promised descendents but usually they were boys. Not once a girl.

“You don’t have to worry. First, your sons will also have sons, you won’t know her. Second, she will be my bride, I would never hurt her.”

Felix was hesitant, he may destroy the life of his descendent. Demons couldn’t be fully trusted, they told everything to people trust them.He wanted to success along with recognition and he hated himself for it, he had to sell that girl to Yoongi.

“Deal.”

1997

Screaming filled the maternity ward, giving as a perfect background music for that September night. Yoongi was here - he felt her, he knew she was alive now, he could hear her heartbeats. Centuries passed and continents changed but here he was - in a hospital, in Seoul to see his lovely bride.

The baby was sleeping along with the others, her face lit up in a smile as she felt someone’s presence. Yoongi’s non-existing heart melted in an instant because she was his. Some of the babies started whining and crying but his loved little girl smiled in her sleep.

“I’ll come for you, darling.” He said and pressed his lips on her tiny forehead.

Y/N POV

2017

I was in the middle of my room, thinking of what to wear for the party. Finally, maybe I could catch an interest of a boy. It was my first year in the university and it was the end of the first semester. I was never the type to socialize much but my roomate didn’t take that well when I said I wanted to pass the party.

“Y/N. You worked your ass off in the whole semester.” Jiyoon hit me on my shoulder playfully. “You can afford a bit fun and maybe you will meet with your first boyfriend, there.”

“I don’t know.” I sighed looking away from her as she was a real star of the campus. “I don’t know many people and I…”

“Girl, you should meet people. Many of them asked me questions and wanted to get to know you…so be prepared at 7 or I won’t talk to you for a while.”

I didn’t oppose the idea then, I wanted to go there but I was afraid.

“See, I told you it would be fun.” Jiyoon said when she handed me a shot.”Even more I can see boys around you, waiting for you to give signs.”

“Don’t be ridicoulous.” I frowned, knowing she was a joker, she made fun of everybody and everything without a second thought.

“Lose yourself, Y/N. I was serious. Look at him.” She pointed to a boy across the room. “He’s KIM TAEHYUNG, HE’S FUCKING KIM TAEHYUNG. He’s looking at you right now!”

Kim Taehyung was a popular guy but more of a playboy type. I heard numerous stories about his flings and one-night stands, I had to admit he was really a handsome guy among the other average boys although I couldn’t help judging him.

“I’ll go away. Hope you will like him.” Jiyoon exclaimed and turned on her heels, leaving me behind.

“NO!” I yelled but unluckily, the loud music of the bar muffled my voice. I knew I had to pay back for this.

“Hey.” Taehyung leaned on the counter and flashed me a charming smile. Yes, that smile which usually won over the girls. However, it was inefficient from the start.

“Hello.” I said and tried my best not to sound like a mean girl.

“I wanted to say hello, for a while, I think that’s the first time we met. Are you Y/N, by any chance?” His deep voice really did magic on me, I felt myself calmer.

“Yes.” I replied.

“You have a beautiful name but it��s really true… a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

I could only laugh hearing his lame pick up lines, his eyes lit up, I could have sworn I saw his irises changing colour.

“Thank you. You are very kind.”

“I’m not kind. I’m honest.”

We were talking about not too serious topics - I knew how he was, I didn’t want to give in to him. Would I want to be friends with him? Yes, I needed friends but I would never picture us more than that. I wanted to get fresh air and he followed me.

I don’t remember how many minutes passed but suddenly I felt his hand on my mouth and his lips on my neck and I freaked out, pushing him away with all my strength. To my surprise, he didn’t even move a bit and I was calling for help. No one wanted to help me or didn’t hear my screaming.

“Taehyung. Move away.” I heard a man’s voice behind us.

“Yoongi. You should have found her sooner, she will be mine for eternity.”

Taehyung turned around with me to see the unknown man. That man was also good-looking, even more handsome than Taehyung if it was possible. His black eyes stared at me worriedly, then averted his gaze at the boy. Anger flashed in his irises.

“He’s Y/N, you filth touched her, you will avoid the torture if you let her go, before I kill you again.”

Killing him again?

Taehyung immediately took off his hands and let me go. I thought I would be raped or dead. Taehyung was scary, I didn’t even know what was his intention.

“THAT Y/N?” Taehyung smiled at me, I couldn’t keep up with the current of events. “I’m so-so-sorry. I didn’t know you were Yoongi’s. Sorry once again.”

“What are you talking about?” I yelled out of frustration.

“Y/N. I’m Yoongi and you have to come with me.” He grabbed my hand, not giving me a minute to think it over.

“HEY, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” I said and somehow managed to escape from his grip and I started running.

How the hell did I end up with two psychos preying on me?

I felt hands around me and I heard that voice. He wasn’t Taehyung. He was Yoongi.

“Gotcha.” He whispered in my ear, causing me to flinch.

I wanted to hit him but he caught my hand in the air within a blink of an eye.

“What do you want from me?” I growled at the man who had a stoic expression on his face.

“Do you believe in supernatural, dear Y/N?”

“What the hell? What’s with that?”

“I’m a demon. And you are my bride.”

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brettonio-one-chicago · 7 years

Text

Who Let The Dogs Out

Here you go Anon!

Prompt #3: “We should get a dog.” “Absolutely not.”

“Antonio?” Sylvie called out.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Are you sure that the kids are okay with this?”

Antonio poked his head into the bedroom. “Are you asking me if my children are okay with my girlfriend moving in with me and actually having a house again... and not a sardine can apartment? Really, you’re asking me that?”

Sylvie sighed and collapsed on the bed. “Yes, I’m serious.” She looked up at him. “I’m not their mom and...”

“Sylvie... I love you and you are over thinking this. Eva and Diego are thrilled.”

“You sure?”

Antonio took her hands in his. “Yes. They actually suggested this.”

“Your... what?”

“Sylvie, can we please just unpack the kitchen before you lose it completely?”

Sylvie nodded and followed him to the kitchen. They unpacked and laughed as they realized how many duplicates they had. They kept the things that were in better condition and packed the others for a garage sale or to give to charity.

Sylvie began to prep supper and Antonio went to set up the TV in the living room. Antonio was just joining her in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Sylvie looked up from the veggies she was chopping. “Are we expecting anyone?”

Antonio shrugged. “The housewarming party isn’t until next weekend.”

The doorbell rang again. Sylvie looked to him. “Well, may as well go see who it is.”

Antonio looked down at what he was doing. “I’m covered in raw chicken... can you?”

Sylvie snickered, wiped her hands and quickly went to see who was there before the rang the doorbell incessantly. She froze when she opened the door. “Eva? Diego?” She looked around behind them. “Where’s your mom?”

“Um.” Diego looked to his feet.

“Diego... I’m not mad... pretty sure your dad won’t be either.”

Diego sighed and turned to Eva. The look in his eyes said. ‘You tell her’.

Eva looked to him and whispered. “Traitor.” She looked back to Sylvie. “Mom and her new boy toy decided to go on a cruise... and well... she doesn’t want to call Dad because you guys are living together.”

Sylvie wanted to say something there concerning Laura being a hypocrite but she kept her thoughts to herself. “Well, come in. We’re just making supper... good thing you guys keep stuff here.”

Eva and Diego scampered in the house. Sylvie snickered as they ran to greet their father. She knew that once the kids were busy doing something else, he’d have some choice words about his ex-wife and her shenanigans.

“Dad, can we go to the park?” Diego asked after putting his dishes away in the dishwasher.

Antonio looked at the clock. “Sure... for an hour... then I was thinking we could do a movie night.”

Diego and Eva agreed, ran to grab their jackets and headed to the park. Sylvie turned to him. “So... want to spill what’s really on your mind?”

“Laura is not mother of the year... that’s for sure.” Antonio growled. “Not even a phone call.”

“Eva mentioned something about her not approving us living together.”

Some choice Dominican swears escaped her generally cool-headed boyfriend. “Coño! Chopa!” He pounded his fist down onto the counter.

“Um...”

“Sorry...” Antonio took a deep breath. “I... I just don’t get it. She’s allowed to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants but I can’t live with my girlfriend. Just...” He sighed. “I will never understand that woman.”

“Probably a reason as to why you guys got divorced.”

“She claims it was the job.” Antonio answered.

“I don’t think so... I don’t think it was the only reason, but she’s the past... the future is currently running around the park over there.”

“Yeah... and you... you are my future too.” Antonio walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Did I tell you how much I love you today?”

Sylvie was about to answer him when his work cell began to ring. “Hold that thought.” She reached behind them and grabbed his cellphone off the counter. “Stone better have a damn good reason to be interrupting our time off.”

Antonio grunted as he took the cell and connected the call. “Dawson.” He listened for a few minutes before remind Stone that it was his time off and that his kids had just been dropped off without waring. “Fine... yes, yes... sir... yes... I accept those terms... just, I wish the crime lords of this city would take a break once in a while.” He ended the call. He looked to Sylvie.

“You need to go be Super Investigator?”

He nodded. “You mind?”

“No, we’ll be fine... I will keep the kids busy, you go save the city.” She kissed him. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” He went to change. He couldn’t exactly go to DA’s office in sweats and a t-shirt.

While he was changing, the kids came back the house. They were acting suspicious, so Sylvie cornered them before their dad came back down the stairs. “Okay... what’s going on, you two?”

“Umm.” Eva was fidgety.

“Do you like dogs?” Diego asked.

“Of course I do... we had Pouch at the Firehouse... Aunt Gaby must’ve talked about her?”

“We met her a couple times.”

“So, what’s with the question.”

Eva opened her sweater to reveal a tiny puppy.

“Oh boy.” Sylvie gasped. “Okay... where does that come from?”

“The park... well, in the bushes... the... the mom was dead and this puppy was hiding next to her... and... we couldn’t just leave her there.” Eva stammered.

“You’re sure it’s a her?” Sylvie reached for the puppy but froze as she could hear Antonio heading to the staircase. “Crap... your dad got called into work... you go hide puppy in your room, come say good-bye and then we’ll figure out what to do with her... or him... just...” She shooed them away.

They returned just time as Antonio was coming down the stairs. The kids told them how great the park was and that they preferred being here than with Laura. He smiled, hugged them and told them he’d see them in the morning, and to listen to Sylvie.

“Hey, Antonio... I was thinking.”

“That sounds dangerous, Sylvie.”

“We should get a pet.”

“Why?”

“Because we have our house now... and the kids are here... I had a pet growing up... I think the kids should too.”

“Did they put you up to this?” He asked, looking over at his children.

“No, it was something I was going to bring up no matter what.” Sylvie laughed. “We should get a dog.”

“Absolutely not!” Antonio exclaimed. “Dogs are messy... dogs destroy things... dog... no.”

“But, Antonio... so do cats.”

“Then we get a fish.” Antonio put his jacket on.

Sylvie shook her head. “No... the kids... and me... need something to play with, cuddle... all those fun parts of having a four-legged pet.”

Antonio looked between the kids and Sylvie. “Hmm... I’ll think about it... but that’s not a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. It’s a ‘we’ll see’.”

Sylvie kissed him. “You’re the best.”

“Yeah, Dad!” The kids rushed to give him one last hug before he headed off to the office.

After Antonio left, the kids and Sylvie rushed to Eva’s room to check on their little friend.

Sylvie gently lifted the puppy from the sweater that was nested on the bed. “It is most definitely a she... and she’s very, very young.”

“Is she okay?” Diego gently touched the tiny creature.

“I think so... I’m not a vet... hmm... okay, let me think about it for a second.” She pondered who she could call in this situation. She picked up her cell and called one person who knew more about animals than her. “Hey, Ethan... it’s Sylvie. Are you available to pop by my new place real quick? It’s a sorta medical problem.” She grinned as he said he’d be there right away. She rattled off the address and ended the call.

“Who was that?” Diego asked.

“My friend Ethan works at Chicago Med... he also helps out at the Zoo... I recently heard that they even saved panda.”

Eva’s jaw dropped. “A panda?”

Sylvie nodded. “A panda... so maybe he can give us some advice on what to do with this little one.”

“Do you think Dad will let us keep her?” Eva gently stroked the shivering little pup.

Sylvie nodded. “We’ll convince him... plus, who could say ‘no’ to this face.” She wrapped the puppy in a blanket. “We’ll need a name for her too.”

Ethan rang the doorbell. He didn’t realize that Sylvie and Antonio had moved in so close to his place.

Sylvie answered the door. “Ethan!” She gave him a quick hug. “That was quick?”

“I live around the block... when did you guys move here?”

“We’re just finish the move now, come in... the kids and I need your help.”

Ethan came in and looked around. “Nice place... so what exactly is it that I can help with?”

Eva and Diego appeared around the corner. “With her.”

Ethan gently took the tiny puppy from them and placed her on the table. “She’s very young... too young to be weaned... where’s the mom?”

Diego looked to him. “We found the puppy under her mom’s body... in the park across the street.”

Ethan’s eyes bulged. “There was another one?”

“What do you mean?”

“I went to the park for my jog this morning... I saw the pup running around by the bushes... I called the city to have the mother’s body removed... and I took the other pup to the vet and now he’s chilling at home.”

“Only two puppies?” Eva asked.

“That’s what I’m guessing... it happens.” Ethan looked over the pup. “She’s small but she seems pretty healthy. I can bring some of the stuff the vet gave me and maybe bring her brother over... it’s not good for pups to be alone this soon.”

“Really?” Eva was very ecstatic at the thought of two puppies.

“Yeah... I don’t have a lot of time with my job to take care of him like he needs. I have a neighbour watching him now.” Ethan laughed. “Does Antonio... know?”

“No... and we’re not telling him yet.” Sylvie stepped in.

“Where is he?”

“Dad got called into work... so that’s why we’re trying to get everything lined up before he gets home.” Eva said. She looked at the puppy. “Will she get big? Her mom wasn’t that big.”

“I don’t think so... the vet seems to believe the pups are some kind of terrier mix... this one is white... her brother is black and grey.” Ethan laughed. “Okay, I’ll run and get him and the stuff the vet gave me, you guys just make a little nest for them that will keep them warm.”

Ethan hadn’t been gone 5 minutes when Sylvie’s cell started ringing. She looked at it. “It’s your Dad.”

“Isn’t he at work?”

“He’s supposed to be.” She sighed. She answered the call. “Hey, Antonio... everything okay?”

“Yeah... Stone’s sending me out of town for the night with Lori... need to pick up a witness... we’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Does Laura know?” Sylvie cringed just saying her name.

“No, and I doubt she cares... from what the kids said anyhow.”

“Mhm.” Sylvie agreed. “I won’t be the one to call her... just be safe.”

“Always. I love you... tell the kids to behave.” Antonio ended the call.

“Good news, Dad’s not gonna be home til tomorrow... so we have time to figure out how to explain the pups.”

“Wait... I thought Ethan was just bringing him to visit.” Diego asked.

“Uh, no... he’s bringing him to stay...” Sylvie laughed. “They’re here anyhow.”

The doorbell rang and Ethan let himself in. “Here is he.”

Diego and Eva rushed to see the little pup. “They’re like salt and pepper.”

Eva and Diego had taken turns getting up to feed the puppies and making sure they were okay. Sylvie had gotten books to take care of them and now they were figuring out how to tell Antonio that not only did they get a dog, but two.

“What are we goin’ to tell him?” Eva asked. She didn’t want him to take the pups away.

“That we rescued them and we’re keeping them because otherwise they’d die?” Diego suggested.

“Honesty is usually the best policy.” Sylvie chimed in. She still thought back to the early days of their relationship and they’d had a major fight. It took time for them to get back to a normal groove.

“But... I don’t want him to take them away... I love them!” Eva was almost in tears. She was happy now, happier than she’d been since her parents’ divorce. “Please, Sylvie!”

Sylvie sighed. She knew Antonio wouldn’t be impressed, but she knew that the kids needed this as much as they did. They needed to get back to some semblance of a normal family, especially now that Laura was losing the custody battle.

They could hear the tires of his truck pull up into the driveway. Sylvie motioned to them to hide the puppies in Eva’s room and wait for a bit before they’d tell Antonio. They went to the kitchen to start prepping supper so as to not raise any suspicions.

The front door opened and Antonio called out. “Guys! I’m back.”

“We’re in the kitchen.” Sylvie called back.

There was a quick pattering of feet into the kitchen followed by a thump. The three of them looked down to see a small dog staring up at them. It wasn’t one of their pups. They quickly exchanged glances as Antonio walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, so... while I was on that little road trip... I thought about what you said.” He picked up the dog. “This is Oreo... I... uh... I wanted to surprise you guys...” He looked at them. “Guys... you okay?”

They nodded. “Yeah... uh... where did you get Oreo?”

“A friend of Stone’s had her but she can’t have her in her new place... so I said I’d take her.” Antonio handed her to Sylvie. “She’s a little bit older, but hey... she’s trained already and she’s calm.”

Sylvie stroked Oreo. “You know this is a Yorkipoo right?”

“I know... I don’t think I could handle a big dog in the new place but she’s cute and a good size.” He looked to the kids. “Whatta ya think?”

“She’s really cute!” Eva exclaimed. She didn’t know how they were going to tell him about the two puppies in her bedroom but this dog was super cute too.

“Where is she going to sleep?” Diego asked.

“Uh, no idea... but we can figure that out later... let’s wash our hands and finish supper.” Sylvie put Oreo on the ground.

Oreo scampered away to go investigate her new home. They were about halfway through prepping supper when Oreo starting barking and howling. Antonio volunteered to go see what was going on.

Sylvie whispered to the kids. “You did shut your bedroom door, right?”

Eva nodded. “Of course... I didn’t want them running out... but how are we gonna tell Dad now... he just brought Oreo home and now we have...”

“What the hell?!” Antonio’s voice echoed back down the stairs.

“I think Dad just found out.” Diego hopped off the stool and ran upstairs.

Eva and Sylvie exchanged quick glances before taking off after Diego.

Antonio couldn’t believe his eyes. There in the middle of Eva’s room was a small bed with two tiny terrier puppies. Oreo was there sniffing at them. The trio that had remained in the kitchen was now standing in the doorway. Antonio turned to look at them. “What is this?!”

“Umm...”

Sylvie stepped forward. “Those are Salt and Pepper... and they were found in the park across the street...”

“We were going to tell you, Daddy... we swear... just after supper!” Eva exclaimed before rushing towards the puppies to check on them.

Oreo had decided to lay down right behind the pups and was keeping them warm.”

Antonio looked at the dogs then to his family. “Oh boy.”

“Dad... can we keep them, please?” Eva pleaded.

Antonio looked to his daughter. There hadn’t been many things she asked for in the last few years. He then looked at Diego and Sylvie. The looks on their faces told him that if he said no, he’d break all three of their hearts. He walked over to the puppies and looked at them. “Found them in the park?”

“Well... we found salt... Dr. Choi found Pepper and when Sylvie asked him to come check on Salt... he said that they should be together because their siblings and all...” Eva rambled.

Antonio laughed. “I see.”

“Dad... they’re terriers... they don’t get big... Eva and I did a lot of research and we’ve been taking turns feeding them and stuff...” Diego jumped in.

Antonio looked to Sylvie. “Anything you’d like to add?”

“Other than your children are happy and the puppies aren’t a huge inconvenience... and Oreo seems to like them.”

Antonio sighed. “Okay... well... the Dawson clan just grew some more... It’s now Eva, Diego... Sylvie and three dogs with me... well... Let’s bring these pups downstairs and we’ll finish making supper. I’m not about to take this away.” He hugged both kids before going back to Sylvie.

“Thanks, Dad!” The kids exclaimed, each grabbing a puppy. Oreo chased after them out of the room.

Antonio wrapped his arms around her. “So, you had nothing to do with this?”

“I’m completely innocent... just... know that Eva and Diego have told me that their happier now than since before the divorce... I think that’s what matters.”

“Mmm.” He kissed her.

“So... you said I’m part of the Dawson clan?” Sylvie asked.

“Always... I love you... and who knows... maybe one day I’ll just make it official.”

Sylvie gaped at him. “Antonio...”

Antonio didn’t give her a chance to say anything else, he took off down the hall and back down the stairs. Sylvie stood there in shock. One day, maybe she’d Sylvie Dawson, but for now she had to go and make sure her boyfriend and the kids didn’t burn down the kitchen.

A/N: Well... I hope you enjoyed this Anon! I will continue to write Brettonio fics... I haven’t given up on them and I won’t be giving up on them anytime soon. I will get to the other requests... just need to get some of the make up ideas I have done first! Cheers and long live Brettonio! Love always, Nicole

#Brettonio #Sylvie Brett #Antonio Dawson #Chicago Fire #Chicago Justice #Chicago PD #One Chicago #comedy #family

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grigori77 · 6 years

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My Top Ten Favourite Horror Movies

10. THE MIST – in 2007, writer/director Frank Darabont once again proved he does his best work when adapting master of literary horror Stephen King (after The Green Mile and solid gold masterpiece The Shawshank Redemption), this time turning to pure horror with one of the author’s lesser-known early novellas. The result is another tour-de-force cinematic blueprint, a taut, harrowing tale of humanity pushed far beyond the brink by unexplained supernatural events and the monstrous lengths normal people will go to to stay alive, as a small-town New England supermarket is cut off from the outside world by a mysterious, monster-filled mist. The Expanse’s Thomas Jane proves a complex hero, beefy yet vulnerable as local artist David Drayton, leading a high-calibre cast of Stephen King-movie/TV regulars – Jeffrey DeMunn (The Green Mile), Andre Braugher (Salem’s Lot), William Sadler (The Shawshank Redemption) and Frances Sternhagen (Misery) – and “newcomers” – Laurie Holden (who must have really impressed Darabont, since he subsequently cast her alongside DeMunn in The Walking Dead), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy’s Toby Jones (as one of the most unorthodox action heroes in cinematic history) and Miller’s Crossing’s Marcia Gay Harden, pretty much stealing the film as deeply unhinged Bible-basher Mrs Carmody, who goes from unsavoury town nut to fervent cult leader as the situation grows increasingly desperate. Darabont once again proves what an exceptional screen storyteller he can be, effortlessly weaving an atmosphere of mounting dread and knife-edge tension, as well as delivering some nightmarish set-pieces featuring magnificent Lovecraft-inspired beasties designed by The Walking Dead’s creature effects master Greg Nicotero. When cinematic horror was becoming increasingly saturated with “gorno” Saw-derivatives, this was a welcome return to old-fashioned monster movie thrills (Darabont himself was heavily inspired by the monochrome scary movies of his childhood, and longed to make the film in black-and-white – indeed, this is definitely worth watching at least once in the “director’s cut” B&W version he included on the special edition DVD release), and not only proved one of the best examples of King on screen to date, but also one of THE key horror movies of the “Noughties”. Not least thanks to that ending, one of the greatest sucker punch twists of all time – reputedly King was most envious of Darabont on seeing it for the first time, wishing he’d thought it up himself. Coming from the King of Horror, that’s high praise indeed.

9. 30 DAYS OF NIGHT – when Steve Niles, the undisputable master of post-modern horror comics, originally came up with the concept for his definitive work, it was intended for the big screen, but he ultimately wound up committing it to print because he just couldn’t get anyone to produce it. Interesting, then, that the comic’s runaway success led to its optioning by Sam Raimi and his production company Ghost House Pictures, Niles adapting the first volume alongside Stuart Beattie and Brian Nelson, with Hard Candy director David Slade at the helm. Of course, the concept was always a killer – for one month every year, the sun never rises over the Alaskan town of Barrow, a fact that a coven of hungry vampires have decided to exploit in a midwinter free-for-all feeding frenzy. Josh Hartnett manfully crumbles in what remains his best role as town sheriff Eben Olemaun, ably supported by Melissa George as his estranged fire-marshal wife Stella, Memento/Batman Begins’ Mark Boone Junior as hard-as-nails town loner Bo, Ben Foster (one of my very favourite actors) as a mysterious drifter with a dark agenda, and Danny Huston, who created one of the best ever screen vampires with nihilistic pack leader Marlow. It’s ironic that David Slade should have followed this with Twilight film Eclipse (although he was an inspired choice – after all, it’s the one that DOESN’T suck) – this is about as far removed from the toothless, blood-lite young adult series as you can get, an unrelenting, gore-drenched exercise in relentless carnage and ice-cold terror. These vamps wouldn’t be caught (ahem) dead sparkling – they’re man-shaped mako sharks, all dead black eyes and jagged teeth, gleefully revelling in slaughter and playing sadistic games of cat and mouse with the isolated townsfolk. This is definitely not a movie for the faint of heart, and it takes itself deadly seriously right through the unapologetically bleak ending, but it is nonetheless an endlessly rewarding thrill ride for the faithful, paying respect to all the great conventions of the genre while simultaneously ripping them to shreds. Brutal, bloody and brilliant, this is BAR NONE the best vampire movie of the post-Interview age, and very nearly my all-time favourite EVER ...

8. POLTERGEIST – 1982 saw the release of TWO of my all-time fave horror movies, and the lesser (but no less awesome) of the two is what I personally consider to be THE DEFINITIVE haunted house movie. Tobe Hooper, director of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, pretty much reinvented ghosts on the big screen with this thrilling tale of a small-town-American family, the Freelings, whose seemingly perfect home comes under the influence of a powerful supernatural force. At first the effects are harmless – moving furniture and the like – until a night-time thunderstorm signals a terrifying escalation and younger daughter Carol-Anne (Heather O’Rourke) is sucked through a portal into the spirit world. Long before he was the dad in The Incredibles, Craig T. Nelson had already become a pretty definitive cuddly American screen father as Steven Freeling, while JoBeth Williams is a lioness defending her cubs as mother Diane; then-newcomer Heather O’Rourke, meanwhile, is a naturalistic revelation as Carol-Anne, her innocent delivery of “They’re here!” becoming a genuine geek phenomenon all on its own, but the film’s real runaway performance comes from Zelda Rubinstein as diminutive Southern belle psychic medium Tangina Barrons, whose every screen moment is a quirky joy. As you’d expect, Hooper’s scares are flawlessly executed, the atmospheric tension ratcheted with consummate skill, even if the director’s characteristic gore is kept to a PG-13-friendly minimum ... then again, this was a summer offering from Back to the Future producers Frank Marshall and Steven Spielberg himself, who was also the main screenwriter. Indeed, his influence is keenly felt throughout – the suburban world the Freelings inhabit is very much in keeping with Spielberg classics like Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T. – and there have been consistent rumours that he was all but the de-facto director on set. The film (along with its sequels) has also gained a reputation for being cursed, with no less than FOUR cast members dying not long after (most notably Dominique Dunne, who played elder Freeling daughter Dana, who was murdered by her boyfriend just five months after the film’s release). Whatever the truth behind these rumours, there’s no denying this is a cracking film – taut, atmospheric and consistently terrifying while also displaying a playful, quirky sense of humour and lots of heart, it remains one of the most rewarding and entertaining screen ghost stories around.

7. BUBBA HO-TEP – Bruce Campbell is Elvis Presley! He really is! Although maybe he isn’t ... all right, TECHNICALLY he’s Sebastian Haff, a washed-up, long-retired Elvis impersonator languishing in a retirement home who claims he really IS the King (apparently he swapped places with the REAL Haff because he’d grown tired of fame). Meanwhile one of his fellow residents is an old black man who claims he’s the real JFK, maintaining that President Lyndon Johnson had him dyed black and secreted in anonymity with a bag of sand sewn into the gap in his brain ... confused yet? Well hold on, cuz there’s more – the retirement home in question has been invaded by the malevolent spirit of a cursed soul-sucking mummy, and only these two fallen heroes can save the day ... yup, writer/director Don (Phantasm and John Dies At the End) Coscarelli’s initially criminally overlooked but deservedly seriously cult adaptation of Joe R. Lansdale’s novel is as typically oddball as the rest of his filmography. It’s also his most moving and spiritual work to date – behind all the supernatural weirdness and quirky, offbeat humour this is a deeply-affecting meditation on the pains of growing old and losing your place in the world. Bruce Campbell’s Elvis/Haff is a tragic hero, regretting his current lot and pining for former glories, but he still has the odd little twinkle of his former charm and bravado (particularly during his interactions with his nurse, played with spiky gutsiness by Ella Joyce), while screen legend Ossie Davis is stately and charismatic as “the former President Kennedy”, even when he sounds REALLY crazy. Meanwhile the creature, “Bubba Ho-Tep” himself (Bob Ivy), is a fantastically weird creation, Coscarelli’s skilful use of atmospherics elevating him far above the “guy-in-a-suit” effects – he’s mean, cranky, and just as strong a character as his flesh-and-blood counterparts. Coscarelli really let rip on this one – it’s chock-full of his characteristic leftfield comic-scariness (Elvis/Haff’s early encounter with one of the mummy’s scarab familiars is a particular zany gem), visually inventive and frequently laugh-out-loud hilarious, but in the end plays out on such a heartfelt, genuinely powerful and moving denouement that you can’t help getting a lump in your throat, even while it is one of those movies that leaves you with a big dumb goofy grin on your face. It’d be pretty sweet if Coscarelli and his mate Paul Giamatti ever get their long-gestating “prequel” Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires off the ground, but this is one that you can’t help loving all on its own. See this if you’re a Coscarelli fan – it’s his best work to date – see this if you love quirky, unusual and original horror ... hell, see this if you love MOVIES. This is a true GEM, not to be missed.

6. DOG SOLDIERS – my favourite werewolf movie is also easily one of the most offbeat – think The Howling meets Assault On Precinct 13 and you’re pretty close to the mark. Before visionary British horror director Neil Marshall had his big break with masterpiece The Descent, he made an impressive cult splash with his feature debut, a fiendish comedy horror in which a six-man British Army unit on training manoeuvres in the wilds of Scotland stumbles upon a pack of hungry werewolves and are forced to take shelter in an isolated cottage. With their ammo dwindling and their weapons largely ineffective against the monsters (not a silver bullet between them, of course), it doesn’t look likely that ANY of will survive the night ... setting the humour dial for JET BLACK, Marshall keeps the atmosphere tense and the substantial gore flying (I was amazed when I saw this in the cinema that it was only a 15 – even just ten years earlier stuff like this was GUARANTEED a solid 18 certificate), while the squaddies are a likeably foul-mouthed bunch with a winning, sometimes enjoyably geeky line in spiky banter (Marshall makes frequent references to everything from Star Trek and The Evil Dead to The Matrix and, in one of my favourite nods, Zulu). Trainspotting’s Kevin McKidd is brawny but enjoyably self-deprecating as nominal hero Cooper, Sean (son of Doctor Who Jon) Pertwee gives great earthy-shoutiness as Sgt. Wells, Darren Morfitt consistently steals the film as mouthy little bugger “Spoon” (short for Witherspoon), and Game Of Thrones star Liam Cunningham injects a strong dose of dark and dangerous as Captain Ryan, the special forces operative with a sinister plan, while Emma Cleasby is far from just a token female as zoologist Megan, who came to Scotland in search of the legend and seems to have found a whole lot more than she bargained for – she’s smart, tough and flat-out refuses to be a love interest, and definitely proved a good trial run for Marshall’s all-female cast in The Descent. It’s impressively paced – after an initial character-driven set-up so we can get to know the lads (including a fun little scare-on-top-of-a-laugh moment), the action kicks in fast and rarely lets up for the rest of the film’s tightly-packed 105 minute running time. The set pieces are thrilling and frequently fun (particularly Spoon’s ballsy little distraction technique), and the werewolves are impressively brought to life through physical animatronics created by Image FX (the Hellraiser effects team!) and a talented troupe of stilt-walking stunt performers – no cheesy CGI here! Altogether it marked a blinding debut for a singular, visionary sci-fi/horror talent who’s still making his presence felt – Doomsday was a delightfully old-school slice of super violent sci-fi in the John Carpenter vein, while tight, gruesome little Roman-era suspense thriller Centurion proved that a historical epic doesn’t have to be 2+ hours long with a big budget to impress, and Marshall continues to garner real acclaim through his extensive TV work on the likes of Game of Thrones. That said, I can’t wait for him to return to the big screen, preferably with more dark, edgy, blood-soaked fun like this ...

5. TREMORS – I’ve always had something of a bias towards horror movies that are also comedies, or at least that have a strong sense of humour throughout, and when it comes to funny horror movies, this brilliant throwback to cheesy 1950s monster movies is KING, baby! While it snuck in under the radar on its 1990 release, director Ron Underwood’s sleeper universally wowed critics, word of mouth helping it to become an impressive cult smash once it hit home video ... which meant I saw it at JUST the right time, the film quickly becoming a firm fixture in my favourites lists and a major milestone in my own geek development. The premise is simplicity itself – giant underground worms with tentacles in their mouths terrorise an isolated desert community – but underneath the goofy concept is a surprisingly sophisticated movie that continues to influence filmmakers today. Kevin Bacon was in a bit of a career slump at the time (Footloose had been SO LONG before), but this gave him both the shot in the arm he needed and one of his most memorable roles ever – odd-jobbing slacker Val McKee, who has to get off his arse and think big to beat the beasties; Fred Ward is the perfect foil as Val’s crotchety “business” partner Earl Basset, while Finn Carter is thoroughly lovable as scientist Rhonda LeBeck, a no-nonsense smart girl who can go toe-to-toe with the boys (and manages to lose her pants WITHOUT losing her credibility), but the film is consistently stolen by Family Ties star Michael Gross as tightly wound survivalist Burt Gummer – this might be Bacon’s movie, but Gross is the real star, deservedly becoming the driving force of the film’s various sequels AND the spinoff TV series. The film opens with a killer of a funny line, starting as it means to go on – frequently hilarious and smart as a whip, consistently defying character and genre tropes and wrong-footing the viewer almost a decade before Joss Whedon started doing the same with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all the while balancing the belly laughs with some genuinely scary set pieces. The worms themselves (or “Graboids”, if you want to get specific) are spectacular creations, some of the most original movie monsters out there, and they still stand up well today, just like the rest of the film. A cornerstone of the genre that wins over new fans with each generation, this is one of those films that deserves to be remembered for a very long time, and looks set to do just that.

4. EVIL DEAD 2: DEAD BY DAWN – nobody does screen chaos like Sam Raimi, particularly when it comes to his horror offerings – still his first and purest love. His original debut feature The Evil Dead is rightly considered the DEFINITIVE indie horror, and to this day remains the standard blueprint for all young, aspiring directors starting out in the genre ... it’s also a work of pure, unadulterated MADNESS once it gets going. Raimi upped the ante with this part-remake, part-sequel, the increased budget and proper studio resources meaning he could REALLY let his imagination run riot, and the results are a cavalcade of tongue-clean-THROUGH-cheek, jet black comedic insanity that STILL has yet to be equalled. Bruce Campbell returns as unlikely “hero” Ash Williams, thoroughly out of his depth and failing miserably to hold it together as the ancient tome of evil itself, the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis (“Book of the Dead”), unleashes a horde of undead demons on the isolated forest cabin he’s brought his girlfriend to. Wildly expanding on the supernatural back-story of his original, Raimi and co-writer Scott Spiegel also ramped up the humour, playing the horror on the blackest edge they can, albeit cut with a hefty dose of Tex Avery – Ash’s battle with his own possessed, eventually severed hand is like some demented skit out of The Three Stooges, while the absolute comedic highlight is the ridiculously over-the-top “laughing room” sequence, in which the seemingly inanimate objects in the cabin suddenly come to life and begin to taunt Ash; add in the great wealth of re-view-friendly visual in-jokes scattered throughout and this remains Raimi’s FUNNIEST film to date. Campbell clearly had a ball, throwing himself into the action with everything he had, and he’s ably supported by a meaty (ahem) cast that includes a very pre-Slither Dan Hicks as a seriously scuzzy redneck and Raimi’s own brother Ted, virtually unrecognisable as one of the maniacal Deadites (“I’ll swallow your soul!”). The creature effects from the great Greg Nicotero still stand up spectacularly well today (they remain some of his very best work), from hideous gurning beasts to insane fountains of blood, while Raimi’s direction is pitch-perfect, playing the humour beautifully while still (sometimes simultaneously) building up a near-unbearable atmosphere of unholy dread, and the climax is ingenious, beautifully setting things up for the enjoyably madcap trilogy-closer Army of Darkness: the Medievil Dead. Raimi has finally brought the trilogy the follow-up fans had been waiting decades for with the fantastically bonkers Ash Vs. the Evil Dead series, but this delirious masterpiece remains the franchise’s zenith. Groovy ...

3. JAWS – it may be the oldest film on this list (released in 1975, it’s THREE YEARS OLDER than I am!), but Steven Spielberg’s breakthrough feature has aged incredibly well. Indeed, it almost single-handedly changed the face of big budget cinema, establishing the idea of tent-pole summer blockbusters and blanket-bombardment advertising campaigns (in particularly it was one of the first to make heavy use of television to drum up excitement and interest), ultimately taking over $400,000,000 on its original release (the equivalent of multi-billion big earners like Avatar today) and paving the way for Star Wars two years later. Not to mention the film’s famous negative effect on beach-going for years after ... but under all that there’s a magnificent, masterfully-crafted film, still (rightly) considered one of the director’s best. The plot may be ridiculously simple – New England beach-community Amity Island is terrorised by a man-eating Great White shark – but there’s a stealthily subversive story here, taking old genre conventions and twisting them in new, unexpected directions (which would, ironically, form a template for a great many later horror movies); while the first hour is a slow-burn thriller, the second is more like a light-hearted nautical action adventure with added scares. The French Connection’s Roy Scheider virtually CREATED the everyman-out-of-his-depth hero with his portrayal of Amity police chief Martin Brody, a former New York cop who’s terrified of the water, Richard Dreyfuss is lovable comedic gold as rich kid marine biologist Matt Hooper, Lorraine Gary did a lot with very little as Brody’s wife Ellen, and Robert Shaw effortlessly steals the film as shark hunter Quint, a ferocious, scenery-chewing force of nature in the mould of Moby Dick’s Captain Ahab. The film is immensely rich in great character moments, from Hooper’s rib-tickling arrival on the island and the dialogue-free moment Brody shares with his younger son Sean, to the undeniable high point of the film, where a humorous comparison of scars (which has itself become a popular homage-magnet in film and TV) leads to Quint chilling account of his wartime experience onboard the U.S.S. Indianapolis (the ship transporting the Hiroshima atomic bomb which was torpedoed in the Pacific, leading to over a thousand stranded sailors being eaten alive by sharks); indeed, this is one of Spielberg’s most well-written films, sitcom writer Carl (The Odd Couple) Gottlieb’s polish of author Peter Benchley’s adaptation of his own original novel still zipping and zinging today, although some of the best dialogue was derived from the actors’ own on-set improvisations (most famously Scheider’s now-legendary “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”). It’s also one of his most well-directed, with near-hypnotic tricks in editing and bold, adventurous choices in atmosphere-building, often a result of the shoot’s infamous difficulties – the animatronic shark (affectionately named “Bruce” by the director, and “the Great White Turd” by the crew) created by Bob Mattley (the guy who did the giant squid in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea) was impressive when it worked, but this was so rarely that the director had to devise several means of creating maximum tension WITHOUT showing the shark, which ultimately ADDS to the effectiveness of those scenes, particularly the “barrel-chasing” in the second half. None of these tricks, however, work better than the score from Spielberg’s most faithful collaborator, John Williams, based around a deceptively simple four-note melody that evolves into something spectacularly evocative, which has rightly become the film’s most iconic element. Humorous, intriguing, intense and still thoroughly terrifying when it wants to be, this is, bar-none, the finest man-versus-nature horror EVER MADE, and surely always will be.

2. NEAR DARK – I’m a fool for vampires (much like I’m a fool for redheads, but that’s a whole other conversation), so bloodsucker horror is one of my very favourite sub-genres. I’m also a big fan of Kathryn Bigelow – two of her most recent features, The Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty, both pinged VERY LOUDLY on my radar (the former is my favourite war movie of the current decade), while her collaboration with then husband James Cameron, Strange Days (he wrote, she directed), rates high on my list of criminally underrated screen gems. So what do you think happened when she made a vampire movie? The results SHOULD have become one of the most celebrated and legendary features in the genre ... except that it came out in October 1987, two months after the admittedly cool and fun but far more glossy and dumb The Lost Boys. Needless to say in the wake of that, Bigelow’s film got kind of lost in the back chatter, nearly flopping at the box office and all but vanishing into obscurity ... until its subsequent release on video (quite rightly) earned it an impressive cult following. Myself included, because this movie is RIGHT UP my dark and dangerous alley. Collaborating with The Hitcher’s screenwriter Eric Red, Bigelow crafted a (largely) deadly serious modern day supernatural “western”, in which cocky farm-boy Caleb Colton (Heroes’ Adrian Pasdar) hits on cute drifter Mae (Jenny Wright, probably best known for her supporting turn in Young Guns 2), only to get WAY more than he bargained for when her kiss leaves him with a crippling hunger and one serious tanning problem. Pasdar’s all-knowing youthful swagger disintegrates as he tumbles further down the vampiric rabbit hole, while Wright’s fragile beauty compliments her character’s deep, soulful melancholy – the pair make for a compelling, tragic romantic centre anchoring the horrors that unfold as Caleb begins to lose himself to his burgeoning nature; even so, the true dark and twisted soul of the film lies with Mae’s predatory nomad “family” – Lance Henriksen is the definitive “dark father” as nihilistic pack leader Jesse Hooker, while his Aliens co-star Jenette Goldstein is his perfect mate as punk rock femme fatale Diamondback, and Joshua John Miller excels as Homer, the bitter old man trapped in a child’s body ... meanwhile Bill Paxton consistently steals the film as mad dog Severen, chewing the scenery to splinters with gleeful, feral aplomb and stealing all the best lines. It’s a potent, heady ride, taking itself pretty seriously throughout but deriving a subtle, inky black sense of gallows humour from the situation, and the set-pieces are intense and thrilling (particularly the shootout in a roadside motel at dawn, where shafts of sunlight become as lethal as bullets). At times it’s also powerful, soulful and bleakly beautiful, Bigelow’s heavily stylised visuals brilliantly augmented by the spiky electronic score from Tangerine Dream. It also subverts the classic vampire conventions with great skill and originality, with nary a cross, coffin or even fang in sight. Like 30 Days of Night, this is the perfect antidote for anyone suffering from Twilight-overload – the monster can be quite interesting when he’s the hero, but he’s just so much more fun when he’s the bad guy ...

1. JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING – while I’m sure many will think I’m mad for preferring this over Carpenter’s other seminal horror classic Halloween, this one’s much more my speed, a perfect exercise in sustained tension, paranoia and white-knuckle terror. Critically mauled and underperforming on its release (it was labelled by many as a sort of “anti-E.T.: the Extraterrestrial”, which came out two weeks earlier ... and interestingly this opened the same day as Blade Runner!), it nonetheless became a massive cult hit now rightly considered one of the true DEFINITIVE horror movies. Faithfully adapting John Campbell, Jr.’s novella Who Goes There? (certainly more so than Howard Hawks’ admittedly entertaining but ultimately very kitsch The Thing From Another World), it revolves around the all-male crew of U.S. research station 4, Outpost 31, in Antarctica, who come under threat from a body-snatching alien entity that can perfectly imitate its victims after investigating the mysterious destruction of a neighbouring Norwegian facility. Carpenter regular Kurt Russell (Escape From New York, Big Trouble In Little China) is at his gruff best as helicopter pilot R.J. MacReady, the taciturn blue-collar Joe called upon to play “hero”, Keith David (Pitch Black, Carpenter’s They Live) angrily flexes his acting and physical muscles as hot-tempered researcher Childs, Donald Moffat crumbles as ineffectual station commander Garry, and screen legend Wilford Brimley effortlessly makes the exposition compelling as tightly-wound biologist Blair. The freezing Antarctic atmosphere perfectly complements the razor-edged suspense, the idea that ANYONE could be the creature lending every scene a palpable sense of implied threat, while the science of the fiction is thankfully largely put on the back-burner in favour of the story and scares; meanwhile there’s a cheeky edge of jet black humour throughout, from the scuttling disembodied head to Garry’s explosive reaction to MacReady’s improvised humanity-test. Rob (The Howling, Robocop, Fight Club) Bottin’s fantastically nightmarish creature effects are a magnificent achievement, still looking as good today as they did back in 1982, while master composer Ennio Morricone’s subtle, atmospheric score is a triumph of creepy, insidious subliminal effect. For me, this film is the definition of fear – the idea that the threat could be literally ANYONE, that you could even become that yourself, be taken over completely, body and soul, is absolutely terrifying, and Carpenter executes this potential reality with surgical precision from the intriguing, icy start to the bleak, desolate ending. Perfect.

#quality horror #Awesome Movies #must see movies #the mist #30 days of night #poltergeist #bubba ho-tep #dog soldiers #tremors #evil dead 2 #jaws #near dark #john carpenter's the thing

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