#ok i know this idea may not apply to EVERYTHING but it is nice to keep in mind when things like this come up in life

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

It's funny how, in order to get to a certain level of improvement in a skill, you're told to forget everything you know about an aspect of it

#like me for example - #when i entered college we were told to forget everything we knew about german grammar (rip lmao) #but then we mostly did improve once we hopped over that bridge #and then with me taking up solo singing i essentially had to forget almost everything i knew because ofc solo singing differs in technique #to choral #lol this episode of futurama just made me notice it bc bender had to 'unlearn' everything he knew about cooking #basically what I'm saying is don't panic if you feel like you're taking two steps back #it probably means you're about to take five steps or even a leap forward #ok i know this idea may not apply to EVERYTHING but it is nice to keep in mind when things like this come up in life #roacc

[jester089]

It's an improvement

This isn't a request. But It's a good idea I want to write for. It's just going to be short and my ideas on it. TADC Crew x Therapist Reader

Caine

Caine really really appreciates you. You keep people alive, AND you are someone who professionally knows about humans and how they work so you can teach him stuff. He's constantly asking you questions, and existing around you seeing how you act. Just since your arrival no one has abstracted, and the adventures and circus as a whole are much more hospitable. You truly are the person the circus needed to be, well to be ok. At least for now. But all these people's problems, this AI trying to learn about humans from you, the stress of the fact you're now in a digital world. It's a lot. You can save them, but no one is going to save you. And you just have to deal with that. This world needs you, and if you go. Then so does it.

Gangle

You helped Gangle with her insecurity and self worth. You got her to be more confident and stand up for herself. Something she honestly loves you for. So she asked you out, she just felt so cared for and loved around you. You said no cause you don't date your patients, she was hurt but didn't blame you. But she relapsed into old bad habits, this time without you to help her out of them. She started all together avoiding you. It was just hard to look you in the face when you know all her deepest secrets, and the fact that she has feelings for you. At first you made the circus easier, better even. Now you make it harder for her. And Gangle blames no one but herself for all that's happening to her. Even starts to feel like she deserves it. "If I don't deserve this, then why does this always happen."

Zooble

Zooble would probably hate you at first. You show up and start telling her everything she's doing wrong. That isn't actually what you do but that's what it feels like to her. When, or rather if she gives you a chance you could genuinely help her. She still wont be nice to the others or you, but you can help her out in the long run. At least not for a while. But you might make her able to make friends. Which at the moment she'll say she doesn't need others. But no one can survive alone forever. And despite that being what she wants and what she says, that still applies to her.

Kinger

Honestly weirdly enough you don't help Kinger. He may be seen as crazy but he's still alive, and he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He's lived in this world for so long and has found a way of life that works. He honestly doesn't need help, at least not while still in here. Once out in the real world he will though. He doesn't need help though. He just needs a friend. Someone to casually talk to. Someone to hang out with. Someone who wont call him crazy. And you're more then happy to be that friend. And because you aren't patient and doctor something could actually stem from that. If you both want that at least.

Ragatha

You two are a power duo here. You keep everyone ok, she helps out more as a low down friend type person, and you as a professional. You two alone keep the circus running and people alive. And despite how much Ragatha insists that she doesn't need help/sessions she does. She's a tough cookie and wont admit it, but you can still get through to her. Despite what she says she needs it. So keep working hard. All you need is her to trust you, and you to constantly pester her about it. And eventually she'll break and let you help her.

Jax

Jax is going to openly agree to getting your help. At first he just planned on using it as a way to mess with you. But then you actually made him realize a lot and actually start helping within not a lot of time passage. Then he started genuinely going to your sessions. And with enough time and hard work he turned into an amazing person to be around. He's still vulgar and often rude. But he doesn't bully anymore, and actually goes out of his way to make others days better. You know you two aren't related but you're proud of him. He made so much progress and genuinely improved. And sure you helped. But you can't improve unless you want to. So the fact that he made that much progress especially in such a short time shows that he isn't a horrible person, he just didn't know better.

Pomni

Thank f#$%. She needs this so badly. You help her out with her anxiety, a lot. You know this place isn't good but you help her get at least kind of used to it despite you getting here after her. She'll still look for an exit but she feels like it's actually possible now with your support. Before she was just frantic and panicking. But now it feels like a genuine and attainable goal. With time and effort she starts to calm down and feel, happy! Feel calm. It's a strange sensation to her, but not bad strange. And once she does calm down she starts really appreciating smaller things. "Like sure this place is a prison and I'm here unwillingly. But not much I can do about that. And it is really pretty outside today. And while I'm here I don't have to worry like back in the real world. Nothing is expected of me. All I have to do is just exist. I can do that."

(I enjoyed writing this. And will maybe expand upon this in the future. Maybe. I still have a whole lot of requests to get through.)

xoxo, Jester

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #caine x reader #gangle x reader #zooble x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #pomni x reader #not beta'd #noob author

[starynightcreator]

It's Not All Bad

Chapters: 5-8

Characters included: Eddie Munson, Nancy Wheeler, and Steve Harington

Word Count: 9,006

No use of Y/N

18+! May be triggering to some!

Contains: Fluff, Angst, Kissing, Shy/ Anxious Reader, Sweet/Protective Eddie, Jealousy, Cursing, Alcohol use, Yelling, Heartbreak, Betrayal, & Friends To Lovers.

Summary: After a betrayal from your best friend and boyfriend, you find comfort in the arms of eddie.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. This is my first story and I'm a little nervous.

!Must give credit when re-sharing/ sharing. Don't take credit please and thank you!

PART FIVE:

Just as Eddie turned his head to go and defend himself, he caught you smiling like some dummy. It was all because of him, so he decided to say something else instead. “We still got quite a drive.” “Yeah” “Do you want to do something?”“Like what?”“I ask you something and you gotta be 100% honest with me and then after you can ask me something the same rules apply. Are you down?” You took a minute to think “Yeah what the hell why not. Go ahead.”“Why are you dating a jerk like Steve?”“Oh, well at first he wasn’t like this. He was much kinder, sweeter, and just better. Then Nancy came back and he changed. I know they had history but they said it wouldn’t affect anything and well you see how that's going. He even came over uninvited this morning and when I had some attitude he said he had no idea why. Then asked what did he do wrong to deserve me being so sharp and snippy with him. Anyways I guess i’m just hoping he’ll go back to being that nice guy.””You’re kidding?!”“I wish.”“Star I’m sorry you deserve better than that and you’ve done nothing wrong.”“Maybe not but it feels like I have.” Hearing that broke Eddie's heart into a million pieces. You’ve done nothing wrong and don’t deserve to feel this way or to be treated this way. ”I know. I hope that'll change soon tho.”“Me too. Can I ask my question now? I kinda wanna drop this if that’s ok.”“Yeah it’s ok and yeah fire away.”“Why do you call me Star?”“Ummm.” Eddie had to think he had to be honest and he had to answer but this isn’t exactly how he planned on telling you why he called you that.”You don’t have to tell me. I get it” Eddie pulled into a empty parking lot as he wanted to be able to either look at you or move around anything but drive.“Edds?”“You wanna know and I'm gonna tell you what it honestly means.” “Ok.”“I call you Star because you are the brightest and most beautiful thing in my life. You are my happiness and you guide me through the darkness. You make literally everything better just by being involved. You shine so bright, so bright that most people just can’t handle it. Which is just unfortunate for them. I din’t wanna tell you and then scare you off or weird you out.”“Edds I-”“I get if yo-” Eddies words were then cut off as you quickly wrapped your arms around him and it didn’t take long for him to then do the same. You guys sat there hugging for a good minute or two. “We should probably get going, Edds.”“Yeahhhh but this is better.” As much as you wanted to agree you knew any longer you may have told him you loved him and you did. Steve hurt you and made you miserable. Eddie made you feel loved and special. Steve didn’t even make you feel that way in the beginning. At this point you asked yourself if you truly ever loved Steve. You did for a short time but you were never in love with him and there is a difference. Somehow you were able to escape Eddie's bar grip. “Yeah but um we should still go for a little.”“Fine. If we must.” “We must.” “Star?” “Yes?” “Can…” You can tell he’s getting nervous so you don’t tease. But you also notice his hand was out not like asking for yours just there, so you take it anyways and ask. “Were you gonna ask to do this?” “No!”“Oh okay then i’ll just take my hand back then.” “No Star wait…Yes it was what I was gonna ask for.” You still let go tho “Well then ask petty boy.” “Pretty?” “Yes among other things but yes pretty is one.” “Oh?” “Well you are!” Eddie turns red and although he’d love to tease he doesn't wanna miss the opportunity to hold your hand so he’ll put a pin on teasing you for now. “Thank you. Hey Star, can I hold your hand?” “Yes.” You take his hand again and you guys head off again.

Meanwhile Steve and Nancy were already at the party but you nor Eddie had any idea they would be there as they didn’t say anything about going. Steve kept going around the party saying how y’all broke up and that Nancy and him got back together. Nancy wasn’t a fan of being so open about this yet but she didn’t stop Steve either. She liked knowing Steve loved her more even if it was at the cost of your friendship. She did feel guilty but she also thought it was unfair she didn’t get a true chance with Steve. The whole time they were there they danced together, made out several times, got drunk, and just did lots of couple type crap. Steve was now so drunk he didn’t think his actions out before doing them or how it would affect his surroundings. So he dragged Nancy to the restroom for another makeout session but didn’t remember to lock the door behind them. You and Eddie finally arrived and as always Eddie ran to get the door for you. “Thank you Edds.”“You’re welcome Star.” You both enter the party and again you already wanna ditch the idea of going. But it’s too late now. So you both walk in and find a place to kinda sit and just talk. As time passes people must have finally connected the dots on who you were as you had a mix of people coming up to you saying you were an awful person or i’m sorry that happened to you. You were confused but Eddie was pissed which confused you more. You had no idea what the fuck was going on but Eddie had his suspsion. You just tried to shake it off and say whatever, besides you had to use the restroom Anyways. As you go to walk in you hear something and then… you walk in on your boyfriend and best friend making out. All anyone hears next is. “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!” Followed by a door slamming everyone including Eddie thought it was someone else (as again this isn’t something you’d normally do but) until you turned the corner and your face said it all and then it showed some fear as you couldn’t see Eddie but as soon as you saw Eddie you B-lind it to him. “Eddie please take me home.”“Star ar-” You cut him off and you felt awful for doing so but you couldn’t handle being there right now and explaining to Eddie here meant staying here “Not right now Eddie please just can we leave.” He could hear the crack in your voice and how broken you were. He hated seeing you like this but he’d be damned to ignore your cry for help. Steve suddenly runs to try and explain “BABE WAIT!” But you’ve had enough of his and Nancy’s shit. You whipped around so fast Eddie had to put his arms up so he wouldn’t slap you (his hands were at face level behind you). You spoke so angrily that your face turned so red from anger and burned hot to the touch, you were crying uncontrollably, you hated crying, your fists were so tight your nails left marks on your palms, and when you spoke you yelled. But your yell was so broken as you had a hard time keeping it together. Steve just broke your heart into a million pieces so did Nancy. Oh and they think it’s what no biggy? This was months of pent up shit and this was the last straw. “DON’T YOU FUCKING BABE ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” Of course Steve tried to play the civil card now that there was an audience watching the truth unfold. ”Wow there is no need for yelling let’s just go talk privately. Yah?”“GO FUCK YOURSELF! I’M DONE WAITING FOR YOU TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT ANYMORE AND I’M DONE WITH YOUR SHIT.”“What do you mean your done?”“GO GET A NEW DAMN BRAIN I’M DONE, LIKE OH I’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU, OH IT’S OVER, OR OH I DON’T EVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! LIKE HOW ELSE DO I GOTTA SAY IT?!” “OH AND NANCY DON’T EVEN TRY AND SPEAK I WANT YOU OUTTA MY LIFE STARTING 5 MIN AGO. FUCKING NO GOOD BACK STABBING LYING PEICES OF SHIT, GET FUCKED I’M OUTTA HERE.” As you hear them rambling in the background you just keep looking forward and walk out.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #nancy wheeler #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie x fluff #angst #fluff #friends to lovers

[desultory-suggestions]

just asking for advice, you're not forced to answer ofc

i struggle a lot with motivation, when i force myself to do things, it just doesn't feel right, and i feel so guilty about it, things like going to school or even brushing my teeth, it's all pointless and physically exhausting

idk if i'm just lazy or smt

anyway, any tips for folks with low motivation?

Hello, love! Thank you for your patience. Motivation is such a common struggle. I use some unconventional study and motivation tactics personally, as someone with ADHD and Dyslexia I have to get through a lot of nonsense to do basic things. First, you are not lazy! The idea today of laziness is very frustrating to me, and I feel is built on capitalist (and white supremacist) ideals. See the NAP Ministry.

According to The (USA) National Library of Medicine, "Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating, and completing goal-directed activities." Anyone struggling with depression, whether an episode or long-term can struggle with these basic tasks. So how can we deal with this?

Some different techniques that may help:

Talk through the tasks you need to do out loud. You can discuss them in linear order or not. Don't focus on making them perfect and detailed, just explain it like you would to a friend.

Explain what you are doing as if someone is watching you/you're teaching someone. This is how I motivate myself when studying/working out/etc. and shows you that you do know what you are doing.

Break tasks down into smaller pieces to help them be more manageable, or simplify the ones that seem too complicated. (For this I need to do x, then y, then z. I don't need to overthink brushing my teeth, it's okay to just go do it.

Ask someone to be your accountability buddy. Body doubling/parallel play can be very useful. I ask my partner to brush his teeth with me so I have someone else there.

Accept that you don't need to do 100% of everything. You can't brush, floss, and use mouthwash? Okay brush for even just thirty seconds, it's better than nothing!

Utilize tools, but don't try to make it fancy. Aesthetics can be helpful and motivating, they can also apply pressure to make everything look good. Google Calendar or a messy notebook is good enough.

Surrounds tasks with cushioning time to relax. Even for little tasks, you can promise yourself rest before and after. Likewise, do enjoyable things during arduous tasks. Watch a silly video, playa. song!

Consider what the biggest obstacle is. Does it feel pointless? Do you want to do it? If not, why not? How can you change what is making you avoidant? If you do want to, what feels like it's stopping you? A specific fear? Or an impenetrable wall? These questions help define the next steps.

Accept you cannot do everything, especially not when you are suffering. You deserve help and it's okay to ask for it. Professional help is important when conquering issues with motivation whether from depression, ADHD, etc. Medications, therapy, and more can improve your mood.

Some tools I use:

Brushout - An app to help you brush your teeth for the right amount of time. Simple, and makes a nice dinging sound. Can be added as a widget to your home screen on iPhones.

Google Calendar - Also simple. Easy to click and add events and get reminders for things creeping up on you.

Mnemosyne Notebook - Ok the brand doesn't matter but the paper in this is so smooth and it makes me want to use it. But yes a notebook to organize thoughts.

Little Treats - I like to keep little snacks and treats around for working on things I have been struggling with. You don't have to wait until after, let yourself fuse joy with your efforts.

You do not need to be ashamed for struggling. No matter the reason or the manner, we all go through difficult things. Reach out, and don't give up. Feel free to ask for more information or advice again.

Best,

Evan

#asks #anon #motivation #executive dysfunction #procrastination #depressiom #adhd #education #school #studyblr #depressive episode

[nightlifeseries]

The sonogram confirms it : Melissa and Aiden

A few days after getting the positive pregnancy test, Melissa schedules a doctors’ appointment. After speaking with Mr. James, Aiden helped Melissa pack up her dorm to move into her new apartment. Aiden signed for the apartment, and she is due to move in immediately. Melissa waits for Aiden at the community center so they can leave for her doctor’s appointment that morning. 

(bus credit @pixelddump )

Arriving at the first sonogram

Nurse Lia: Hello Melissa. How are you? I will be taking care of you today. I am told you are here to confirm gestation age? 

Melissa: Hello. Yes, I had a positive pregnancy test, and my OB told me to head over here for a sonogram. 

Nurse Lia: Alright well congrats to the both of you.. 

Melissa: This is my boyfriend Aiden. 

Nurse Lia: Nice to meet you. 

Nurse Lia and Aiden greet one another with a nod. 

Nurse Lia: Alright let’s have a look. Lift up your shirt and this jell may be a bit cold, so I apologize.

The nurse prepares the doppler. Aiden and Melissa glance at each other and show a look of concern on their faces. Melissa lifts her shirt and takes a deep breath. 

Aiden: You ok? 

Melissa: Yes. Just ready that is all. A bit nervous. 

Nurse Lia applies the jell on Melissa’s lower stomach and smiles at Melissa. 

 (sonogram credit @inabadromance)

Nurse Lia: Is this your first? 

Melissa: Yes! Quite a scary experience. 

Melissa shudders after feeling the jell on her skin. A few minutes pass and Nurse Lia is quiet. Melissa and Aiden look at each other and hold holds. Melissa stares at the monitor and then at Nurse Lia, trying to get an idea of what is happening. 

Nurse Lia: We have a viable embryo. Your uterus and cervix look great. Embryo is measuring at 9 weeks 4 days. 

Melissa looks at the screen, the nurse and then to Aiden in disbelief. 

Nurse Lia: I am going to print you some pictures, but everything looks good. Did you have any questions? 

Aiden: Uh can you tell the gender?

Nurse Lia: (chuckles) No it is too early. When Melissa is in her third or fourth month they will be able to determine the gender. 

Melissa: Any idea how I can stop this nausea? 

Nurse Lia: I will let the doctor know to write you a prescription for antinausea medication. Otherwise, you should be back here for another appointment in a few weeks. 

Melissa: Thank you so much. If I think of anything I will call the office. 

Nurse Lia: You seem like a nice couple. I am sure you will be just fine. 

Melissa and Aiden: Thank you!

Nurse Lia cleans the jell from Melissa’s skin and writes notes in her chart. She gestures goodbye. 

Melissa gathers her stuff and looks over at Aiden. 

Melissa: Are you ready?

Aiden: Heck no! I have to graduate and make sure you have everything you need. 

Melissa: I want to just focus on growing a healthy baby. Everything else will fall into place. Let me get my prescription babe, let’s go. 

Melissa and Aiden head to the front desk and wait in line. Melissa gets her prescription, and they head out to catch the bus. 

Previously

Youtube

#nightlifeseriesMelissa #TS4 #the sims 4 #nightlifeseries #black simblr

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Random ask that may or may not be foreshadowing; if you were to completely drop persona cold turkey, what other rpg series do you think you'd hyperfixate over instead?

Hmmmmmm hard to say.

If it's something I've yet to play then I dunno.

But if it's going back and playing older games I've played the hell out of.....hmmm let's start there I guess:

I like Pokemon, but I'm not gonna compete to be the biggest know-it-all with that franchise (esp with the amount of conflicting info and canons and possibly mistranslations). It's astronomical compared to MegaTen.... (what applies to Pokemon can also be applied to Digimon and Yu-Gi-Oh too....)

Dragon Ball.......Tbh I'm not that into fighting games, maybe if I ever get a Legacy of Goku 4 fkjdlajf; Gimme some good RPG DB games and I'm down (I have Kakarot and the Legacy of Goku games tho)

There's really no plot/character/story analysis I can do on the Tony Hawk games.....

I like DMC and Nioh, but I feel like those games and fandoms are more focused on the gameplay mechanics....plus they aren't exactly easy games to just "kick back and enjoy" I have to really concentrate which is draining...... (more so Nioh than DMC, but I'm more invested in Nioh than DMC so that's an issue TT0TT)

I love Assassins' Creed, but even I know the amount of content I'd have to hard core consume (between AC and AT LEAST Watch Dogs......oof). Just thinking about it might explode my brain. u_u

Love Rule of Rose, but other fans have dug deeper done everything with it. So there's nothing for me to really bring to the table.

.hack.....maybe I could get back into that? My knowledge is mostly in the novles/manga I've read tho. ("But Silly! Isn't that technically a fantasy game?" I mean.....yes but it's modern day chars playing a video game. I dunno I always found that idea novel alongside 'oh people are dying' mystery. It's why I watched SAO because it reminded me of .hack! ....I'm not getting into SAO tho >_>)

Most heavy fantasy.....probs not likely but not impossible. The thing with Persona/Megaten is that they usually have a very "grounded in real life" kinda vibe going on. Which was nice because it felt like less stuff I had to memorize to understand the world. Plus it was more of a vibe I liked..... (but I'll mention some of the well known franchises....mostly cause they are the ones with the most entries to get into)

Love KH but I don't really wanna deep dive into it (I think the writing was best in KH1 and CoM, I think Sora's char has really devolved over the games, and I hated 3D and KH3). I am keeping an eye on KH4 and maybe even Verum Rex (which I'm pulling for us to get, outta all the FF games, FFvs13 was always one I was super interested in).

FF.....I'll play them, but I'm not that invested into them. (12's ok, 7's ok, 7R's ok but I need to finish those three first.... I liked 15 even tho it was messy, I hate 13 with a passion, I should try 10 cause it reminds me of Destiny Islands. 15 and 10 are the best contenders for me to be invested in tbh).

Tales of...... tbh Xillia always interested me the most. I should go through my backlog......I'm like halfway through Arise so I should probs pick that back up.

Maybe I should try Ys? Or finish the Trails of/Legends games I have too, tho I'm not very invested in that that.

Atelier series.....I should finish the games I have of that....then again....it's related to Mana Khemia right? I actually played and liked the first game of that (I sucked at it so I don't think I finished, that and I think I got P4 within that year so that ended up consuming me not long after)......I should give Mana Khemia another chance.

Oh there's also the Lunar series......I was always interested in that after I was graced with the game Lunar Dragon Song as a kid. :'D Weep for me yes, weep. I know. u_u IYKYK

I like Harvest Moon/Story of seasons.....but not enough to like...deep dive into stuff.

I mostly play Slime Rancher for the gameplay loop than the analysis too tbh.....

Far Cry 5 is a heavy contender. I did get lucky, outta all of the FC games....at least this one not only got a direct sequel with New Dawn (even tho it deals more with the Highway men than the cultists *sobs*), it also got a tie-in DLC with FC6......plus I got that novel, and the little bit of supplementary material. The issue, which is a double edge sword....is that it ends there. There's a lot of side content I could probs find and dissect, but once I find it all it ends.

At least with Persona, I can expect the world to keep going and expanding (either it's main continuity or the larger continuities in general). FC I'm not sure.....they might have diff timelines but no in an interactive way like MegaTen does.....

I guess I can try a swing at Mind=0, Tokyo Xanadu, Caligula 1/2, or Monark. Both with finishing and attempting to hyperfixate....but they just don't hit the same. Plus I run into a similar problem as with FC5....it's pretty much it when it ends (and unlike FC5, I doubt those games have as much content).

.hack might be a heavy contender.....

I am very Avatar-pilled atm....and I'm going through those games. Which was something I meant to do like 10 years ago during my last hyperfixation on the franchise (but I think I got distracted by PQ1 jklsdfj;). So maybe expect a small deep dive on those? Platinum's Korra will probs reign supreme for me tbh klfdjsa;f

Hmmmm I've heard good things about Suikoden......same with Phantasy star, Chrono trigger, Mother/earthbound.....maybe actually finish FE 3Hs......

Tldr; I dunno. At least game wise. Other media (either exclusively a diff format or one that's multimedia'd)? That's a bit more easier/open ended. (I'm juggling Atla/Korra, Addams' Family, and Naruto like a lil' court jester, we'll see how this goes)

#silly asks #silly answers

[im-miss-sugar-pink]

Hello,

Hope I'm not bothering you!

Tbh the dude you are talking about doesn't sound good, even if he may be attractive. And fornication isn't worth it one way or another. It will just break your heart.

On a different note: I saw you are going through a hard time, I'm praying for you. Hope you have someone to reach out and confide in who can help irl like friends, or therapist or a priest (or all of them :D). Remember, that you are loved no matter what. <3

thank you

in my heart i know you're completely right and i should 100% listen to you

but my head wants to destroy my body, and the wants of my body want to destroy my spirit and so far recently my head and desires are winning

--

as a long, rambling response:

i know that this guy is not going to be good for me and i know the last guy i was in a situationship with was bad for me and i know i should just stop doing this to myself. and i constantly think of this book i had as a kid called "the princess and the kiss" where basically her "kiss" was a magic glowing light and she saved it and saved it until a poor farmer boy came and told her he had one too that he had saved for her and then thats who she chose over her fancy suitors and they exchanged kisses and got married. i think about that a lot. but im no princess and i gave away what i have years ago. what am i now lol (i started crying just now remembering how much i wanted to be like the princess in this old kids' book and failed)

i just got out of the mental hospital for the THIRD time. third time. in two and a half years. im so tired. it's so much easier to let myself suffer than to actually do anything about it. getting better is difficult and sometimes i dont know if i want to. like. i have to. i have to because if He didn't want me to get better then God would have let me die by now and He would not have put such good people in my life, good people who make sure i end up in the hospital rather than a casket. but it's so hard. it's overwhelmingly difficult to believe that all the positive things i reblog apply to me as well as to everyone else. like oh yeah. im not the exception to the idea that everyone deserves love and mercy and grace. but it's so difficult to actually believe that.

ive been to Mass twice in the past two or three months. only twice. that's probably part of why i feel like shit but i feel so terrible that i feel undeserving of even entering a church? it sucks. then im like. yah i should go to confession. ok good in theory. but ive got this thought stuck in my head like i Know im going to end up partaking in these shitty habitual sins again and again so like why should i say to God that im going to do my best to avoid these sins when i know i wont end up doing that no matter how much i mean it. also it's difficult to get to confession? like im usually busy during or forget about the scheduled times for them and then asking for a priest to hear my confession before Mass is always anxiety-inducing and difficult to do when you don't feel like you can even enter a church.

almost nothing im doing is good for me. and idk how much i care. jk i do care but i dont want to care. i was talking to someone about how i cry all the time because i have so many feelings and everything matters too much, and they were all like well i shut down all my feelings when it gets too hard. that must be nice at times. i feel everything so deeply and can't cut that part of me off and it's overwhelming.

please keep praying for me I don't know how much longer i can do this

#im destroying myself mentally emotionally physically spiritually #if it's able to be crushed im crushing it #it hurts #it hurts so much #but it's easier to let it hurt than to try to heal #i speak

[echantedtoon]

I'm Blue Ch1 Prologue

Blue has a weird name. Not her fault her parents weren't that creative. Nor is it her fault they were terrible and pushed her to becoming the person she is now. Now only if she could catch a break from bumping her head into walls, worrying about falling over in traffic, or even falling in love with someone she barely known and never seen.

(Warning: This chapter contains past abuse of the verbal kind, cursing, an attacker using fire to hurt my oc, and visible scarring. Please if any of these things trigger or bother you in the slightest do not read it. The events of this particular chapter take place when Blue was at the age of 14-15.)

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Went the sounds of the machine's living motherboard as it monitored the heartbeats of the living girl lying on the bed. The pale flesh seared and permanently marked as one would call a failure. Failure to stop herself from being the one to be helplessly screaming bloody murder painfully in the night. Failure to stop herself from being stomped to the ground and humiliated. Failure...Failure...

"FAILURE!!!! DAM YOU!!"

"BECAUSE OF YOU WE'RE THE DAM LAUGHING STOCK OF THE ENTIRE NIEGHBORHOOD!! YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING BAD IT LOOKS ON US WHEN YOU'RE FACE IS PLASTERED ALL OVER THE PAPER  FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!?"

Something sounding like a newspaper was thrown harshly to the floor. And that's what this was. Wastful. Failure. 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"What are we supposed to do now?! This is bullshit! You're supposed to be applying to the schools in less than a week! Who's going to accept a withered flower that can't even stand on her own two feet!?''

"We'll be lucky if she's even taken into consideration."

"Forget it! There's no use for it now! All those years of planning!! WASTED!!"

"How could you do this to us?! Didn't you know everything we've ever done was for you!?"

"WASTED!!"

Beep. Beep Beep.

How long had she been lying there now? Staring up at the ceiling in silent black. The echoes of the past screams still rung through her brain since that day. And now she's been alone for quite a while. No one to see how pathetic she looked lying there staring at the darkness besides the occasional nurse or doctor who smelt of too much of cleaning product. Always with those smiling happy voices telling her how much better she looked and how her parents were coming to pick her up soon, which was never in her dark experience. It was always the same routine she lost count of how many times she was just dripping in and out of her black daze most of the time she had no idea if she was awake or not. The thing keeping her from knowing she hadn't died was the infernal beeping of the machine's heartbeats regulating through the silence. Everything was always numb feeling as well so it was.....Nice to know that she wasn't dead yet. Another day another day of the darkness being her new home of course.

Beep. beep. Beep.

The head on the pillow numbly turned in acknowledgment to the smiling Doctor who visited the room around everyday to see the patient who remained silent in days passed. Nothing new with the smiling and the typical questioning of the doctors smiling voice in the dark...But there was a clear difference with this time. As the man sat closer without asking. When he grabbed the numb girl's hand. There was a shift in the routine body language as the smiling voice became uneasy...hesitant even. As he stared at the unmoving living figure in the bed.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news about your recovery."

Failure at that.

"You may not understand at first, and it's perfectly ok. There's lots of people who go through this everyday so you're not alone."

Never understood. Always alone.

"And don't worry. It's not as bad as a lot of people make it out to be. You're young, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to find a way around it and live a fantastic life all on your own."

It's not that bad. She would've gotten a fantastic like.

"What I'm trying to say is that.....I'm afraid there wasn't any way we were able to save your over all vision. There's no safe way to repair the damage without going in there and risking making it worse for you. And parts of your wing there was burnt so badly we had to remove the burnt membrane to keep the rest of your body healthy. You'll be suffering some serious drawl backs and pain for a long while, but you should consider yourself still lucky to be alive."

You should consider yourself lucky!!

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!!!!

The chilly nip of the dark night chipped away at her skin when she had walked along the sidewalk. The way familiar for her since she had taken this way down the sidewalk at night plenty of times by herself from the pressures of home and her parents. It was a very safe neighborhood with a good amount of very heroic people and families living there so no one really expects the scum of the earth to rear their ugly faces there for whatever reasons. But really no one really expected the hands to grab her. The slam of her head to the brick alley wall. Or the sneering faces of the dark as hands searched her body and pulled everything from her. Backpack was ripped painfully from her back. Useless books of the history of maths and sciences thrown to the ground and pencils scattered breaking under the feet of the fiends. Her ears rung as the breathing of her lungs heaved and her heart could be felt in her throat and chest and also joining the pain of ringing her ears gave. There was too much going on to register properly. Too many hands pushing her. Too many demands for money a broke student didn't have. Too much pain of the ones holding her down. Too dark to see their faces. But there would be light soon enough. The scream that tore out out of her mouth wasn't the girl was a terrorfied young lady who couldn't get away and no amounts of threats of 'shut up' would get her to stop so soon. So perhaps she could be distracted by some lovely fireworks. Orange flames crackled and lit up the sky as the angry face of the fiends were lit up by the flameworks. A scream tore out through the night as the smell of burning filled the air and woke every sleeping being from their peaceful slumber. The night filled by those blood curdling yells and orange pain filling her entire being. She didn't know why there was blue and red lights added to her vision or when she heard the sirens wailing. Or feel the cold concrete as she fell over. Or when the darkness crept up on her as she passed out. But she had been given a generous(rude-) wake up call by her visitors.

Failure.

"SHIT!! SOMEONE GET IN HERE AND HELP ME RETRAIN HER!! GET A SEDATOR QUICKLY!!!"

The hands held the wailing one down as the beeping machine sprang to life as it raced like a marathon. Anyone not awake now surely was by the horrible screams until the darkness claimed the victim again.   

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP

Beep....Beep...Beep

#i'm blue #mha #bnha #MHA Selkie #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

[baglove]

(via cat lovers Mask by mohammed elhachimi)

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aesthetic boho fashion girly good vibes love popular positive surf vibes weed adventure bohemian, dope feminism girl green groovy grunge hand happy hawaii kawaii life loose mandala meme music nice pale peaceful pink purple space summer tiedye trend tye die tye dye vintage 70s 90s artsy be happy black california car colors drugs festival florida food, fun good goth hang hearts hippies instagram la logo lsd marijuana meditate new york peace sign pineapple psychedelic pun quote retro script shoes sign stay woke tie die top selling travel traveling tropical typography vibe water waves white woke yellow zen, 1960 1970 2019 3 420 60s aestethic alex morgan alien aloha anatomy apples atlanta atlantis avocado avocados awesome backgrounds ball basic beautiful bernie birkenstocks black and white bloodshot bob bob weir bones bong brandy melville bright bright side, bro bud buddha buddhas bumper ca cali calligraphy calm cartoon case chaco chacos chakra chakras chance the rapper chic chicago chill chill out city claire andrews claireandrewss classic clout clout goggles college colour colourful country cowabunga dancing, skeleton dark blue dead head death designs disco dolphin donut doodle dorm down drake dude edm elephant elephants emoji eno equal pay eyes fall fat buddha fist floral flower flowers font four stars fries fruit fry funds fye gd50 girl gang girl girl girls

#findyourthing #redbubble

[ptergwen]

only you and me

w/c: 6.7k

warnings: angst, mentions of weed, and some swearing

summary: whenever peter tries to tell you how he feels, harry gets in the way

a/n: ahhhh hi my loves! my mini writing break is over :,) life has been just a mess for me and i’ve been way more critical than usual about my work but i’m doing a little better and ready to get back into everything! this helped me a lot so i’m excited to share it with y’all <3 it’s also my first time writing harry osborn so lmk how i did lmaooofwfjj but yeah pls enjoy

-

“dude, she’s right there! just tell her!” ned whisper yells to peter, elbowing him for emphasis. they’re hidden behind a wall to watch you at your locker. you’re grabbing books while betty rants to you and mj rolls her eyes. “not now. she looks... busy,” peter gulps, gaze trailing down your body. he always finds excuses to put off telling you how he feels.

or rather, excuses find him. something comes up every time he gets the courage to do it. he has no idea why he’s so scared because he’s pretty sure you like him back. pretty sure. there are a few reasons why you might not. also, plenty why you might. you stay up late texting most nights, and you’ve even flirted a couple of times. it never fails to make peter blush. he trips over his words whenever he tries to flirt back.

he’s had feelings for you since the first time you two hung out alone. none of your other friends could make it, but you happily took him up on his offer to come over. you grinned through his whole apartment tour, asked about may and what she does. when peter showed you his room, you even complimented his movie posters, much to his surprise.

“really? you don’t think they’re, like, dorky?”

“no, peter. your interests aren’t dorky. everyone likes what they like.”

and, he liked you. he knew it from that point on. you’d know it too if the universe wouldn’t keep stopping him from saying that.

“she’s so...” peter pauses for a second. him and ned watch you pull betty in by her shoulders as if you’re going to kiss her. she dodges you, mj pushing her back, all three of you giggling about it before you grab betty’s hands and give her words of encouragement. “cool,” peter finishes, turning back to ned. “i mean, how she puts herself out there like that.”

“what’s stopping you from doing the same thing?” ned points out with a knowing smile that peter returns. you make it look so easy. whenever you’re comfortable around people, you can let go of any doubts you have. you stop worrying about what they might think and instead do what you want. it’s inspiring to peter, and heart warming getting to be one of the people you’re fully you with.

he wishes he could apply your wisdom himself.

peter shakes his head, staring down at the floor. “oh, you know. anxiety, fear of rejection. that fun stuff.” “so, yourself,” ned concludes, clapping peter’s backpack so hard it makes him stumble forward. betty and mj wave goodbye to you before heading to their first class. you’re still getting your things together at your locker. this is peter’s moment.

“come on, dude! y/n’s not busy anymore. you got this.” ned keeps his hand on peter’s back, adding on, “it’s been a year already.” “half a year,” peter corrects him in a mumble. he’s liked you for a really long time. “ok, i’m going. wish me luck.” he takes a deep breath and focuses in on you. “aw, dude. you don’t need it.” ned gives him one last pat on the back. “good luck, though.” “thanks, man. see you in trig.”

right as peter starts heading over, harry comes up behind you and covers your eyes. you squeal, jumping up and turning to him, laughing as you playfully hit at his chest. he brings you into a hug where your face is buried in his sweater and probably inhaling his super strong, super expensive cologne.

that’s what’s stopping peter, harry freaking osborn. his own friend.

peter quickly loses the tiny bit of confidence ned gave him. he figures it might be better to hold off on his confession and get an early start to class. unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. harry has already spotted him and calls him over.

“hey, pete! come give us some love, eh?” harry beams, an arm slung around your shoulders and you smiling up at him. you direct your smile to peter when he slumps his way to your locker. his lips pull into a barely noticeable frown. you notice. “there’s my guy. why so down, sunshine?” harry offers his fist for a fist bump. peter gives it to him, eyes staying on you.

harry osborn. where to begin with such a specimen? he’s the perfect combination of everything you’d want in a guy. he gets good grades, he’s a star player on on the basketball team, nice to everyone and makes you laugh, popular yet fits right into your small group.

he was friends with you before the popular thing. what kicked it off was him making varsity basketball while only being a sophomore. yep, he’s unreal. since then, he’s been balancing his cool life and also hanging with “the nerds,” as he likes to call you. he got his own feelings for you along the way. peter can tell.

he’ll give you rides home, compliment how you look, basically act like your boyfriend without really being it. it absolutely infuriates peter because he doesn’t compare to harry in the slightest. if he were you and had the choice between himself or harry, he would pick harry.

it’s been a factor in why he hasn’t come clean about how he feels yet. he’s not trying to create a love triangle that he doesn’t stand a chance surviving in.

“for real, peter. you good?” you ask him, eyebrows knitted together in concern. “fine,” peter lies and musters up a smile. “i’m just tired. didn’t sleep too good last night.” you’re only more concerned now. this has been happening to him a lot lately. you search for his eyes. “again?”

“aw, man. you need something for it?” harry punches peter’s shoulder and lowers his voice. “i know this kid who-“ “harry, stop.” your words are serious, tone lighthearted. you throw your head back on his arm. “do you really know a kid?” “i’m not telling you,” he says in an overly happy voice, you humming the same way. peter feels like he’s third wheeling.

“i was telling pete.” harry looks at him expectantly, peter’s mouth dropping open while he thinks of what to say. harry likes to mess around. this is a different level, though. “no thanks. i- i shouldn’t. i’m-“ “relax, i don’t know a kid,” harry chuckles and points at peter. “your face right now.” it’s completely flushed. you knock into harry’s side.

“ok, well literally no one laughed. you’re scaring him,” you tell harry sternly. peter tugs tight on one of his backpack straps. he doesn’t feel like he’s third wheeling you two now. he feels like your kid. he’ll never let ned mettle in his love life ever again if this is where it gets him. “he knows i’m kidding, y/n/n. right?” harry checks with peter. you make a face at him that says you aren’t convinced.

he switches his arm from you to peter, drawing him into his side. “look, pete. i’m sorry. the only kid i know who’s selling is chocolates for his band trip.” you’re satisfied with that, grinning at both of them. peter forces a laugh and nods. “no worries, man. i gotta get to class.” “good boy,” harry lets him go. “bye, pete. we’ll see you at lunch,” you remind him. he gives you a tight lipped smile. “see you, y/n/n.”

you and harry continue practically spooning each other as soon as peter is out of sight.

what the hell is going on?

peter is back to being grumpy, plopping down in his seat next to ned. their teacher has the lesson plan pulled up on the smart board. ned looks from it to peter, almost jumping in his seat. “oh, you’re back already? how’d it go?” “it didn’t go,” peter huffs, copying down the aim. he’s only doing it so he doesn’t have to look ned in the eyes while telling him he bailed. again.

“you didn’t do it?” ned repeats, peter writing something about pi and a unit circle in his notebook. he bites the inside of his cheek. “you have to do it at some point,” ned sighs out and picks up his pencil. even he’s getting tired of this, and ned never gets tired of a good friends to lovers moment. “i think she likes harry,” peter says under his breath. “huh?” ned gasps.

peter doesn’t feel like explaining the extremely awkward moment he just finished living. although, it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion. “y/n. he came over, and they kept hugging and whatever.” “they always do that,” ned almost scoffs, their trigonometry teacher moving to stand in front of the class. “yeah, but he had his arm around her the whole time we-“

the bell rings and cuts their conversation short. peter struggles to label the unit circle they learn about when his mind is filled to its capacity with images of you and harry all over each other. it’s not daydreaming. this is a nightmare. maybe, he actually will be having sleep problems.

peter’s morning is relatively decent after that. he gets to do an experiment with mj in chemistry, and she lets him take the lead for once. spanish is easy, health is okay, then he has a free period, then it’s lunch. things can only go downhill from here.

he thinks about hiding in the library until it’s over, but it’s the thought of harry eating your face that gets him to drag himself to the cafeteria.

flash is at the head of your table talking to harry when peter gets there. great, now he can’t eat his soggy chicken fingers in peace. “sounds dope. let’s go on the-“ flash stops saying what he was saying and nods at peter. “penis parker, you’re late.” peter takes his seat on your left, harry on your right. you glance over at him to make sure he’s okay. he acts like he doesn’t care, peeling open his milk carton.

“just text me later, man. get outta here,” harry dismisses flash, the two of them doing a bro handshake before he leaves. he’s well aware of his and peter’s history. he keeps them separate for the obvious reasons. peter appreciates it because saying no to flash is nearly impossible. he shouldn’t be so mad at harry, should he? he’s a good friend.

harry’s arm snakes around your waist and brings you closer to him. never mind.

“who’s up for sushi later?” he asks the table, everyone agreeing and saying how awesome that sounds. everyone except peter. you tap his shoulder with a small smile. “what about you, peter? you coming?” he realizes you’re all waiting for him to respond and puts down his milk. “uh, i can’t. homework,” he lamely answers.

“dude, we have homework, too. just do it a little later,” ned suggests, betty laying her head on his shoulder. you share a look with her, your eyes wide and a grin on your lips. that must have been what you were talking about this morning. she asked for boy advice. ned advice. why can’t this crap work out for peter?

“i really can’t. sorry, guys,” peter half heartedly apologizes.

he misses the disappointment that crosses your features because he’s pouting at his lunch again.

“homework, huh?” mj tests him, squinting as she takes a sip of apple juice. harry nudges peter’s side with two fingers. “you still mad about the sleeping thing?” “sleeping thing? what sleeping thing?” betty wonders while ned rests his head against hers. a quiet laugh slips out of you as you lean in to tell her.

“peter said he couldn’t sleep last night, so harry offered him...” you mime rolling a joint. “i said no,” peter clarifies, rolling his eyes at the inevitable teasing he’s about to get. none of you have even smoked besides harry. you’re being annoying about it. “of course you did,” mj sighs and kicks her feet up on the table. “unrelated to what y/n just said... harry, i have insomnia.”

everyone bursts into laughter at that, betty shoving her side and you pulling harry by his torso as he pretends to go into his backpack. peter wants nothing to do with any of this. he usually enjoys joking around with the group, even if it’s at his expense because it’s from a place of love.

today feels like you’re straight up making fun of him. harry might as well invite flash to join in.

“alright, alright, alright. enough of the weed talk,” harry decides, you removing your arms from him and grabbing your coffee. “you’re such a bad influence.” your voice drips with sarcasm. you bend the straw and take a sip while scooting closer to peter. “you really can’t come later? i feel like i’ve barely seen you today.” that’s on harry. “i wish i could, y/n/n,” peter exhales. “i’ll text you later, okay?”

you don’t get to answer because mj tugs on your arm, distracting you from peter. she explains how she has to do an art project on what it means to be a woman and needs help brainstorming ideas. you’re full of them, offering up an interesting perspective for her to use. peter smiles to himself as he listens in. you find a new way to impress him every day.

he should tell you that.

“hey, y/n?” “listen to her! you’re seriously my idol,” betty gushes, so loudly you don’t hear peter. not a single thing has gone in his favor at this table. he gives up.

peter locks himself in his room when he gets home from his overall terrible day. he does homework like he said he would, only taking a break for dinner, giving one word replies to may’s questions about school. he’d much rather be having sushi with you. he would’ve gone if the others didn’t.

after dinner, it’s back to grumbling and scribbling down answers. there’s a knock at peter’s door around ten o’clock, which he assumes is may saying goodnight. “i’ll be done in a few minutes, may! love you.” “it’s y/n,” you reply, the smile clear in your voice. his eyes go comically wide. that’s the last thing he expected to hear. “oh. uh, come in.”

you’re holding a small takeout bag, shutting the door behind you and walking over to his desk. you meet his twinkling eyes in the dim light that hits off his walls. from his open window, you faintly hear cars as they rush by and honk their horns in the distance, accompanied by a fresh breeze. it’s cozy, safe. it’s peter.

“hey. what’re you doing here?” peter questions, leaving his pencil in his binder and shutting it. you shake around the plastic bag. “i saved you a roll.” he bites back a smile, getting up from his chair. “may let me in. she was really chill about it,” you continue and hold out the sushi for him. “it’s a california roll. i wasn’t sure what you wanted, and everyone likes those.”

peter lets his smile spread out and takes the bag from you. “thanks, y/n/n. i was honestly hoping one of you would have leftovers.” you laugh softly, peter setting the bag down on his desk. he scratches the back of his neck. “did you guys have fun?” “yeah. i missed you, though.” you clasp your hands behind your back. “everyone did.”

“i feel bad i didn’t go. just... things felt off today,” peter admits the real reason he stayed home, you letting out a breath. “it was harry, wasn’t it? god, he was being so weird.” your arms drop back to your sides. “there’s a difference between playing around and actually upsetting people.” by people, you mean peter. no one else seemed too bothered by him. “i’m sorry, peter. i tried to make him stop.”

“no, you don’t have to apologize,” peter assures you sweetly, grabbing one of your hands. “it’s not your fault, okay? he probably didn’t realize what he was doing. the jokes landed.” he’s referring to ned, mj, and betty finding harry’s comments hilarious. you lace your fingers with peter’s and frown. “this isn’t like him. maybe he’s stressed about a game.” your gaze drifts off to the side, what you see getting you to perk up.

“is that new?” you ask peter, leading him by his hand over to a poster he put up recently. it’s for 13 going on 30. you showed it to him a couple of weeks ago, and he clearly liked it a lot. any movie that makes it to peter’s wall is a special one. “mhm. i got it literally right after you went home the night we watched,” he chuckles and looks over at you while you study the poster.

you turn to face peter again, keeping your hand tight in his. “were you gonna tell me something earlier? at lunch?” he’s confused for a second, then he remembers your ideas for mj’s art project. the fact that you cared enough to bring it up after all these hours makes his stomach do summersaults in the best way. he shrugs and gives you a smile.

“the stuff you were saying about femininity and how there are so many ways to define it,” peter starts, you grinning back at him, at how he took an interest in what you were saying. “you’re so smart, y/n. you make me wanna be better.” a light pink dusts his cheeks. “peter, you’re a feminist?” you coo, joking but genuinely wondering at the same time. he squeezes your hand. “duh.”

“i thought so,” you nod, taking in the rest of what he said. “you think i’m smart? i trust you because you’re way smarter.” peter pffts in response. “i’m only good at, like, physics. you’re good at things that really matter. smart in that way.” you’re feeling your own face get hot. you swing yours and peter’s hands back and forth. “why are you the nicest person ever?”

the answer to that, may, peeks her head into the room. “hey, kids. it’s getting late.” she notices your intertwined hands and shoots peter a smirk. “i thought you were a cool aunt,” he teases, you sadly letting go of him. “she is. thanks for having me over so late,” you tell may on your way to the door. “oh, stop it. you can come over any time.” she puts a hand on your arm. “thank you so much,” you murmur back.

you walk backwards to the doorway, may leaving you two to say your goodbyes. “wanna hang out only you and me? on friday maybe?” that should make up for everything earlier. “yeah, of course. friday is perfect,” peter agrees and bounces on his feet as excitement takes over him. “thanks again for the sushi.”

“no problem. goodnight.” it’s taking every last bit of power in you to not freak out. “night. text me when you get home.” he presses his tongue into his cheek. you slowly pull the door shut. “ok, i will. bye!” it closes, leaving peter skipping across his room to his bed on one side and you doing a little happy dance on the other.

the next day at school, everything is back to normal. honestly, better than normal. your hangout with peter is tomorrow, and he’s planning on telling he likes you then. he already talked it over with ned. he’s relieved it’s finally happening, especially since him and betty have their own thing. she’ll be taking up most of his free time from here.

your group is spending lunch outside today, lounging across a picnic table, surrounded by trees and the shining sun in a bright blue sky. mj sits on the table and has her feet on the bench, which would usually bug peter to no end. he doesn’t mind this time because it takes up enough room that harry has to sit with ned and betty instead of you. you lean into peter’s side and stab a piece of lettuce from your salad.

“it’s so nice out,” betty sighs, ripping off half her cookie and giving it to ned. “we should ditch.” “oh my god, you sound like harry,” you groan between bites of salad. peter lets out a breathy laugh, you looping your arm through his. he grins down at where you’re linked. harry crosses his own arms over his chest. “she wishes.” betty only nods because her mouth is full of m&m’s.

“nah, seriously. i’d take us out somewhere, but i have practice after school.” he speaks quieter than he normally does, less confident. your theory about him having basketball drama was right. “what did we tell you? talk about the sports shit with your sports friends,” mj complains, sitting back on her hands. she glances at harry over her shoulder and catches ned mouthing you can’t say that.

sitting criss cross, she spins around to face harry, unenthusiastically saying, “what i meant was, you sound upset. what’s wrong?” harry gets into it right away, like he’s been waiting for someone to ask. “coach says there might be a scout at the next game. it’s a really good opportunity even though i don’t have to worry about... college yet.” the word makes him cringe.

“oh, damn. that’s a big deal. scary,” mj snorts, turning back to you and peter. her behavior makes ned internally face palm. “that’s awesome, dude. you’re gonna play amazing like always.” he gives harry a high five, who smiles nervously in response. he’s never nervous. “thanks, bro. you guys wanna come and watch?” he’s never invited you to one of his games before either.

this isn’t a group of friends that likes to spend their weekends in bleachers while angry teens shout around them.

“definitely. we’ll be there to support you, harry,” betty answers for everyone, ned pecking her cheek in satisfaction. mj cusses to herself before replying. “if i absolutely must, sure.” only you and peter haven’t said anything yet. he’s been chewing his lower lip, and you your salad. harry looks between you two hopefully. it’s more so at you, which peter doesn’t like.

“y/n? pete? it would help a lot, i’m serious.” he taps his fingers on the table until one of you speaks up. you’re the one who does. “i’ll go. this is pretty huge, right? congrats.” you reach across the table and squeeze his shoulder while simultaneously tightening your arm around peter’s. he takes that as a cue. “i’ll go, too. happy for you, man.”

though peter isn’t currently in the best place with harry, he should show his support by showing up. it can’t be too bad since the rest of you will be there.

a loud, long chuckle leaves harry as he hops up from his bench and comes to yours and peter’s. he bends over and wraps both of you in a hug from behind at the same time. his arms are around each of your shoulders, holding you so close his cheeks are squished against either of your heads. you giggle at that, peter finding himself laughing along and reaching back to ruffle harry’s hair.

staying mad at him is one of the world’s greatest challenges.

“you’re saints, both of you. my angels.” he kisses the back of your head, then lays one right on peter’s cheek, leaving him blushing red and grinning. “what about the rest of us? i never go to shit like this,” mj huffs and seems genuinely offended. harry wiggles his eyebrows. “you want a kiss?” his offer gets her flustered, which she can’t manage to hide. that’s a first.

“shut up. i’m just saying... never mind.” mj glares at you and peter, ned and betty making kissing noises behind her. “someone change the subject.” peter steps in. “when’s the game, harry?” he asks, harry snapping and waving his finger. “tomorrow! cancel your plans, kiddos.” “like we had any,” betty retorts.

some of you did. that was going to be peter’s hangout with you.

ned smiles sympathetically at peter before betty is getting his attention. you‘re unfazed and rambling to harry how proud you are of him.

did last night mean nothing? was it an empty gesture? were you only doing it out of guilt? peter must have read your visit wrong. he’s been wrong the whole time he’s liked you. you don’t like him back, you pity him. harry is who you’re really interested in.

may always says he should trust his instincts.

peter pulls his arm from yours suddenly, swinging his backpack onto his shoulders. you’re taken back because it’s so out of no where. you stop talking to harry so you can figure out his deal. “where are you going?” “bell’s gonna ring,” peter mumbles and picks up his lunch tray. he heads to the garbage can without another word or goodbye to anyone.

“i’m gonna go check on him,” you tell harry, already getting up from the bench. “you do that,” he acknowledges and calls mj’s name again.

peter tosses his mostly untouched food in the trash, seeing you make your way over from the corner of his eye. he tries to speed walk inside so he doesn’t have to talk to you. you’re too quick, cornering him between the door and brick wall.

“we still have ten minutes,” you state, worry flashing across your face. he’s avoiding you. well, attempting to. “what’s wrong?” peter gulps before saying anything. “my next class is on the other side of the-“ “no,” you cut him off. “what’s really wrong?”

he doesn’t feel like having this discussion. it’s bad enough he came to the realization his feelings are one sided. must he break that down for you so soon?

you toy with your sleeve while you speak because peter doesn’t. “i thought you and harry were fine again. i mean, he kissed you.” peter clenches his jaw so hard he can imagine the sound of it cracking. “it’s not about harry.” “what, then? what the fuck happened?” your sleeves are now balled in your fists. you hate it when peter does this angsty routine.

he keeps his voice low and calm so he doesn’t come off as jealous or hurt. he’s both of those things. “the game is tomorrow. friday. when we were supposed to hang out.” you meet peter’s eyes with nothing but remorse in yours. “i... i forgot,” is all you have to say.

you feel awful. he’s had a tough couple of days, and you fell through on your promise to cheer him up.

“clearly,” peter remarks, voice sharp. the way you’re looking at him makes him think he won’t like what’s coming. “peter, we have to go,” you almost whine. “i’m really sorry, i am, but this is a big night for harry. he needs us there.” peter stays silent. you’re twisting the knife deeper into him with every word. “i wouldn’t be cancelling if this wasn’t important.”

now you’re cancelling?

you reach for peter’s hand, but he shoves it into his pocket. that stings for you and him. “please, peter. we’ll hang out at the game, i swear.” this is the last chance you’ve got, so you pile it on. “harry won’t even be there, technically. he’ll... he’ll be on the court.” peter hadn’t thought about that. he lets himself unclench, starting to see the appeal. you add one more thing to lighten the mood and persuade him.

“i’ll buy you popcorn, all you can eat.” it’s that easy. cracking a smile, peter accepts. he’ll deal with his unresolved, unreciprocated feelings after he stuffs his face, courtesy of you. “you better. i’m gonna need it for this long ass game.” your face lights up, grabbing his wrist in both hands.

“so, you’ll come?” “i’ll be there,” he confirms. you throw your arms around his neck. he laughs into the hug and holds you by your middle. “i promise this’ll be the first and last game we ever go to,” you say and mean it. harry is lucky you’re even suffering through this a first time. “thank god,” peter exhales, resting his chin on your head.

that interaction leaves peter confused as hell. you’re crushing his mind and soul one minute, then hugging him the next. you were making him feel so special lasts night, and treating harry the same way today. it’s so jumbled that he isn’t sure if he’s in the friend zone or something more zone.

there are a ton of mixed signals coming his way, and he sucks at reading people as is.

he can’t take another second of this. he’d rather you come out and say you like harry already because it’s torture. knowing you don’t want him in that way would at least eliminate the possibility of anything happening between you two, and allow him to stop driving himself insane.

he’d be able to stop taking it out on harry, too.

the hold you have on peter, that you’re oblivious to, rules his every thought and decision. he’s constantly analyzing what you say to him, debating whether or not your affection is simply platonic. it’s been half a year of this madness, the night of harry’s game blurring every line so much more.

your group arrives a bit early to find seats and hype harry up before he plays. peter gets there after all of you because he’s not exactly in a rush to watch sweaty guys be aggressive. there’s only one upside, which is spending the night with you... and everyone else.

he steps into the gym that’s filling up fast with family members, friends, and the college scout harry was talking about. midtown has a different feeling to it at night. the smell of pencils is oddly stronger, and it’s a lot less intimidating.

cheerleaders are huddled in a circle while the team supervisor has them run their chants. the “leading official,” who peter thought was called a referee, takes his place off to the side. coaches give their players last minute instructions, players fool around with each other, a lot is going on.

peter scans the room for you, and grins a toothy grin when you catch his eyes. you’re sitting by yourself in one of the middle bleachers, only a bag of skinny pop in your lap. you return the smile once you spot him and wave him over.

“i don’t know why, but i thought they’d have an actual concession stand,” you explain the lack of fresh, buttery popcorn as peter takes a seat next to you. he catches the prepackaged bag you toss him. “it’s just a snack table.” “works either way,” peter hums and pokes the bag. “i’m not sure skinny pop is all i can eat, though.” “it’s good!” you defend the snack you chose for him.

“i’m kidding! you’re right, it’s kind of addicting.” he puts it by his feet for now and gives you a half smile. “you’re welcome,” you deadpan in a playful tone. “thanks.” he narrows his eyes. “where’s everyone else?” “right,” you twist around and gesture to the bleacher above you. mj is gloomily seated near the back. ned and betty are a few behind you.

“i told them to find their own seats so we can sit together, alone.” you look over at peter and move ever so slightly closer. “welcome to our friday hangout. just the two of us.” “aw, you didn’t have to do that,” peter laughs out, his knee bumping yours. “but, i’m happy you did.” he goes to put an arm around you, then harry comes racing up the stairs.

just the two of you didn’t last so long.

“y/n, i’m freaking out,” harry announces, zooming through your row to get over to you. he stops once he’s standing in front of peter and shakes him by his shoulder. “hey, pete. you made it.” “yup,” peter replies, pressing his lips together. you wince at his reaction, then quirk an eyebrow at harry. “you’re freaking out? why?”

harry sits down between you and peter, blissfully unaware of the moment he interrupted.

“i found the scout. he’s fucking terrifying as fuck. this super ripped guy, looks like he’d rather be anywhere else,” he talks quietly, like the man will hear him. “he’s not the only one,” peter says to himself, kicking around his bag of popcorn to pass time. you ignore him and grimace.

“shit. wait, how do you know it’s him? did they tell you?” you’re not sure how these things go. harry casually shrugs a shoulder. “dude has a clipboard. seems legit to me.” he gives you a cocky smile. “he’s also in the row before mj. that’s how i noticed. um...” his back now facing peter, he whispers something in your ear that makes you giggle.

peter’s face scrunches up as the spark of anger the past few days have lit reignites itself.

when harry pulls away, you motion for him to come closer with your index finger, cupping your hand around his ear and speaking into it.

nope, no more. peter is entirely about to explode. you cancelled your plans so you can force him to watch basketball, you sweet talk him so he’ll let it go, and you’re running right back to harry after all of that? what the hell does that mean?

peter stands up from his seat. “y/n, we need to talk,” he demands, you moving away from harry to respond. “ok, gimme a minute. we’re-“ “no, we need to talk now.” you don’t have time to refute because he’s taking your arm and dragging you away. harry squints at you in utter confusion.

“um, have a good game! we’ll talk later,” you call back to him, walking with peter even though you have no idea what his issue is and aren’t a fan of how he’s acting.

he releases you once you’re in the hallway. you make a point of harshly yanking your arm back, a scowl painting your lips. “jesus, peter. i was having a conversation.” “do you like harry?” peter blurts out. you’re so shocked at his abruptness that you don’t give him much to work with, only, “what?” “do you like harry?” he asks you again, this time less accusing and more curious.

“do i like...” you’re too aware of the seemingly hundreds of people surrounding you to answer comfortably. “can we talk about this somewhere else?” “sure,” peter nods, letting you lead the way since he did to get out here. you two go down the hall and choose the first room you see, which happens to be the custodian’s closet. it’s thankfully unlocked.

things were tense between you and peter on the way over, and it’s physically mirrored when you step into the room, air thick and smelling of lemon cleaning supplies. you tug on the string hanging down to turn on the light. it casts a faded glow, leaving you in mostly darkness. you sort of like it. this feels more intimate, which is fitting for what you’re both about to say.

neither one of you knows where to begin. peter’s question is ringing in the back of your mind, and you could touch on that, but there’s more to it than a simple yes or no. you don’t have to worry about it because peter gets his words out first.

“i think harry likes you, and i think you like him back,” peter restarts, already sounding deflated by what he came up with. “he doesn’t, and i don’t.” you take a step towards him. “he likes mj.” it’s peter’s turn to be shocked. the hint of a smile sets on your lips. “that’s what we were talking about. harry asked if he should take her to dinner after the game, and i said yes.”

this is going better than he expected.

“mj is the one who likes him, not me,” you reiterate and watch some life enter peter again, a tiny bit. he’s coming around, and he wants to believe you. his trust issues don’t. “but, you’re so... touchy with each other. the hugging the other day?” he mentions. you tilt your head to the side in amusement. “friends can’t hug?”

to be fair, you hugged peter yesterday. that’s a point rightfully shut down.

“he calls you pretty,” peter tries, raising both eyebrows. you have to laugh at this one. “you call may pretty.”

obviously, peter’s analysis skills could use some serious improvements. it sounds like he had the right idea, wrong person. your relationship with harry is platonic. hell, he’s crushing on a whole different person. this actually opens up the possibility of you liking peter in the romantic way, of him being in the something more zone. he had it backwards.

in case peter isn’t convinced yet, and because you really want to, you use one more trick to prove to him you don’t like harry.

“do me and harry do this?” your lips speak for you, colliding with peter’s unexpectedly yet easily. he feels like he’s floating, like he’s in some sort of magical wonderland until it hits him that this is real, and he should probably kiss you back. he does so softly and tangles his fingers in your locks. his hand supports the back of your head as the kiss goes on.

you push forward so your bodies are almost fused together, the closest you can be while you hold his jaw. peter breaks the kiss for a short breather, going back in without more than a moment passing. this one is feverish, his free arm looping around your lower back, hand resting on the small of it. you let out a giggle against his swollen lips and stroke your thumb over his jawline.

he’s been waiting to do this for the longest time, but he doesn’t have to tell you that. it shows in how eager he was to reciprocate, his shyness blossoming into passion. you feel yourself melting under his touch, the kiss eventually becoming a series of short pecks. peter gives you the final one. his pink lips form a grin when you pull apart. your hands stay on each other, not in a rush to go anywhere.

“woah, i like you so much,” peter laughs out. the words roll off his tongue naturally. “you know i like you,” you drawl, smiling at him, a full body smile while you caress his skin. he winds both arms around you and dips his head down to steal another kiss. you’re loving what’s happening. however, you don’t feel like making out while dirty brooms stare at you. you should take this back home.

“wanna get out of here? i do,” you suggest, voice muffled from his lips. they detach from yours and brush your cheek gently. peter makes a funny face. “hm, i thought we had to come. harry needs us,” he says what you did yesterday, earning a groan back. “you’re joking.” “i’m not. what kind of friends would we be, ditching him like that?”

he’s going to end you one day.

“yeah, no. i have no idea how basketball works, and i’d like to keep it that way,” peter drops the act, pressing his fingers into your sides. “i’ve been so mean to harry. i was...” “a dick?” you finish for him. it’s more of a statement than a question. to soften the blow, you rub his cheek with the tips of your fingers. “yup. he’s gonna think i hate him or something if we don’t stay.” his formerly smiley face is frowning.

“harry of all people will understand after we tell him our reasons,” you reassure him, nudging under his chin with your nose. “besides, he has other things to worry about. mj, the scout. it’s fine.” peter considers it, ultimately giving in to you like he always does, resting his forehead on yours. “i guess so. less distractions for him, yeah.” “exactly. that’s what i wanna hear.”

having his approval, you unwind yourself from him and head to the door. his fingers wrap around your wrist gently. “what about my popcorn?” a giggle escapes your lips. “you’re still on that?” “you said all i can eat!” his voice comes out high pitched, adorably high pitched.

“fine. i might have those bags you put in the microwave.” you smile when his fingers lock with yours, peter kissing the side of your head.

“even better. let’s go home.”

#peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker smut #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

#3 1b spoilers #yttd #yttd spoilers #q taro burgerberg #sara chidouin #ranmaru kageyama #joe tazuna #gin ibushi #kai satou #keiji shinogi #alice yabusame #reko yabusame #shin tsukimi #midori yttd #kanna kizuchi #greenblings #sou hiyori #mai tsurugi