#supporting the traumatized

[furiousgoldfish]

What not to do when trying to support a traumatized or mentally ill person:

Don't assume they've done something wrong for this to happen to them.

Don't try to tell them they've done something wrong to deserve this.

Don't assume this couldn't happen to you. It could.

Don't attempt to apply stereotypes to their situation. It's likely you don't know exactly what's going on with them, unless they've told you.

Don't assume you know better/understand better about this than they do. They've been struggling with this for a while. They're intimately familiar with it.

Don't give them unwanted advice. If they ask you for advice, then you can advise them, but continuous unprompted 'why don't you do x and y' is not going to help.

Don't minimize their problem. Don't tell them they're being lazy/childish/unreasonable for having symptoms, being tired, being unwilling to do certain activities. They don't deserve to be told their struggles are nothing. Nobody deserves that.

Don't say 'I just would do x'. You don't know what you would do. You're not them. X might not even have been an option in their situation.

Don't compare their struggles with someone else's, either to make them feel like "it could have been worse", or to say "it's the worst". These things do not need to be compared, and we're not in a competition of who has it worse. Everyone's struggle deserves support and attempts to make it easier on the person.

Don't try to compete with them. If you want to share your struggles with them, it's possible to do it in a respectful way, without ever one-upping or implying that you're the one who has it worse. We are not in a competition.

Don't try to change how they behave. If a traumatized person is showing a certain behaviour, it's often the best they can do at the moment, and they do not need to be shamed or pressured to change for someone. If the behaviour is harmful, it's okay to pull yourself back to safety.

Don't think you can 'save' them. Don't try to build yourself up in their eyes as 'the only one who understands' or as 'someone who can fix it all', because you can't. And they're not here to support your personal 'hero fantasy', or to act the part of someone who's being 'saved', for the sake of your ego.

Don't ignore their boundaries, even if you feel they're unreasonable. Traumatized and mentally ill people get to build their boundaries any way they feel comfortable with, and nobody gets to judge it. Do not tell them it's unreasonable. Do not try to argue them down.

Don't assume they're able to completely heal from this. Sometimes they won't, and it can hurt to see that expectation put on them.

Don't experiment on them. Don't try to trigger them, thinking you can fix the trauma once it comes up. Don't change up your behaviour just to see how they'll react to it. Don't play the devil's advocate just to upset them and to see them react emotionally. These people's struggles are not your entertainment. They're not here to be your test subjects.

Don't drain them. Even if someone traumatized gives you their attention and care, don't ever forget that they need this energy for themselves as well.

Don't judge them for the things you don't understand. If they're doing something harmful to themselves, or engaging in activities that in long term bring damage to their body, it's very likely they're already judging themselves for it, or feeling guilty. Shame will not motivate them to stop. Judgment will only leave them feeling alone and helpless.

Don't give them a time frame in which they're supposed to get 'better' or they'll be considered failures in your eyes. Not only it's impossible to recover with any kind of deadline, but you don't get to call them failures. Nobody is a failure for doing things in their own time, in their own way.

Don’t try to indoctrinate them into your religion, or insist that the religion will help them out of this. It’s opportunist, predatory, and insulting. If they wanted to reach to religion for help, they would not be waiting around for you to tell them. Religion might be the part of why they’re traumatized.

What to do when you're attempting to support a traumatized, or a mentally ill person:

Be patient with them.

Ask them if they want to talk about it. Should you get a 'no' as an answer, respect it.

If they do feel safe talking to you about it, believe them.

If their story is scaring you, or making you want to yell at them, try not to yell. It's okay to feel concern, but if your first reaction is yelling, or a big emotional outburst, they might assume that their reality is too upsetting, and never talk about it again. They also might feel that it was a mistake opening up to you.

Stay calm and accept that whatever is happening, was likely happening for a while, and you're being trusted with it as a safe person. Be worthy of the trust.

Acknowledge where they've been in a tough situation. It's possible they're not realizing just how bad their situation is, or how hard they've struggled. Remind them that they've been enduring a lot of heavy stuff, that the burden on them is big, and that it's okay that they're tired from carrying it. Acknowledgment can mean a lot to traumatized people.

Be consistent. Make sure they know what to expect from you. Traumatized people need stability, continuity, consistency and the ability to rely that people will treat them consistently with kindness.

Point out to them when something they're going thru is not normal. A lot of traumatized people have learned to accept painful and terrifying situations as normal. It's good to give them a reference so they would know their situation is extreme or considered to be traumatic.

Point out that their feelings are normal. Often, traumatized people will judge their own feelings to be wrong, or worry that they're feeling too much, or being unreasonable. It can mean a lot to have their own feelings acknowledged and accepted.

Make sure they know they're valuable and welcome in your life, regardless of their struggles. They might worry that their value in other people's eyes is dropping, due to them being often tired, isolated or unwell.

Get excited for them when things go well, when something good happens, when they're happy. It's probable that they don't get many joys, and having someone happy for them might mean a lot.

If you want to do something specific for them, ask them if they're comfortable with it. Don't put pressure on them, and don't ask them to put up with things they're uncomfortable with. It's always good to ask if something is a good idea or not.

Treat them as you would treat someone who is doing the best they can, who you're pleased with, who has deserved a rest from pain and a refuge to feel safe in. Let them know that you don't think they should be put thru any more hardships.

Let them know you have faith in them, in their choices and their instincts.

If they seek support from you, give only as much as you feel comfortable with. It's okay to make boundaries here, and to give yourself space if you feel like the problem is bigger than what you can handle. You do not need to put your own emotional health on hold, in order to help. Most traumatized people would be mortified to know they've caused damage to someone else, and it's okay to make sure you're feeling safe and comfortable as well.

#cptsd #trauma support #supporting the traumatized #what to do #mental illnesses

[grave-ghost-account]

i fucking hate these bitches so much (affectionate)

#lego monkie kid #lego monkey kid fanart #support human artists #art #artists on tumblr #my art #procreate #digital art #procreate art #artist #digital artist #lmk macaque #lmk sun wukong #lmk #lmk fanart #shadowpeach #i like drawing #is it gay if your too traumatized to be cheesy? i vote yes

[taxinealkaloids]

horrible children who are. so so mean to each other

#tlt #the locked tomb #my art #precanon griddlehark dynamic is SO funny. the way they are just no-holds-barred absolutely AWFUL to each other. #the fact that harrow made fun of gideon for saying 'i love you' over her dead mother's grave so gideon nearly choked her to death #and then when gideon recalls this story in gtn she's just like 'yeah lol we were wild kids' #also remember when gideon responded to harrow being kind of bossy with 'your parents must have been so relieved to die' like #imagine saying that knowing full well her parents killed themselves in front of her when she was ten!!!! insane!! #there's no sense of going 'too far' between them. they casually hit what would be considered by most ppl to be 'too far' and then keep going #anyway i don't usually go in for characters-being-kids-together stuff but i will admit that childhood gid+harrow #following each other around absolutely terrorizing each other because they're desperate for each other's attention but also full of #hatred and vitriol #does compel me #like...2 very lonely very traumatized children with only each other for company. what will they do? ENDLESSLY TORTURE EACH OTHER!!! #and yet they are each other's emotional support person. its so good.

[mothmore]

freaking out about exams in may but also reminding myself my good friend jonathan harker will be back and it will all be okay

#dracula #more of moth #dracula daily #my emotional support traumatized solicitor #i also need back my emotional suppport silly cowboy and my emotional support fucked up doctor #mina isn’t there for emotional support i just love her #re: dracula

[emblazons]

Cloud Strife & Tifa Lockhart Cloud looking out for Tifa • Final Fantasy VII (Rebirth)

#the way he looks at her is SO #he does this and then TWO SECONDS LATER tifa is doing the same for him lmaooo we love a mutually supportive traumatized couple 😭 #cloti #cloud x tifa #cloud strife #tifa lockhart #my gifs #ffvii gifs #ffviir spoilers #ffvii rebirth spoilers #final fantasy spoilers #userlockescoles #ffedit #ffgraphics #ff7r #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy vii #ff7 spoilers

[zee-rambles]

———-

“He wanted to get better.”

First I Prev I Next

#rottmnt #save rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #unpause rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raph #rottmnt nightmares comic #zee draws rottmnt #sunset duo #emotional support #mental health #post traumatic stress

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.

i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.

#mcyt #abuse tw #i guess this is discourse idk but like #this happened two years ago and the amount of people who realised cutting themselves off from All mcyt was self harm and came back #only to have lost a lot of content they created and valued because they wanted to punish themselves for trusting a predator #and like. you’re victim blaming yourself. obviously you are not anywhere near as much a victim as The victim #but being manipulated into supporting abusers is still something that is an action they take to harm others #Being used as a tool to silence others unknowingly is a cruel thing and can be traumatic to go through #its honestly really concerning as someone working on their own emotional self harm to see it. like this isn’t about anyone in specific but #guys. emotionally self harming isn’t helping. you don’t need punishment. breathe and think through things.

[didtipsandhelp]

When you're dissociating and someone asks you if you're okay

#mod adachi #No but fr don't try to make a dissociating person respond to you #This meme is talking about people who don't know that you're dissociating #Support your sys friends! #did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system #system help #traumagenic #actually did #dissociation #mental health #ptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #trauma #memes #endos dni

[hummise]

jonathan sims in a supermarket what crimes will he commit

#I've had this scene in mind ever since I listened to mag146 #jonathan sims stop harassing innocent people challenge #but also idk traumatize as many as you want < 3 I will support all your wrongdoings #jonathan sims #the magnus archives #tma #fanart #art #digital art #illustration #artists on tumblr #hummise art

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Suicide isn't selfish because it often emerges from a place of profound suffering and despair. It's essential to recognize that those who contemplate or tragically choose this path are not seeking to inflict pain upon others, but rather seeking relief from their unbearable emotional pain. Understanding this complexity is crucial, as it reminds us of the urgent need for empathy, compassion, and mental health support to prevent such tragedies. Instead of labeling it as selfish, let us strive to offer understanding, support, and hope to those who need it most, acknowledging that their pain is genuine and deserving of our care.

#mental health #mental illness #trauma #bpd #ptsd #traumatized #memories #mental wellbeing #bpd feels #suicide #suicideawareness #selfish #suffering #tragically #path #despair #compassion #understanding #support #empathy #acknowledging

[neuroticboyfriend]

trauma is trauma. it doesn't matter if "it could have been worse." what matters is how it impacted you. there's no such thing as invalid or trivial trauma.

#softspoonie #traumatized #trauma victim #trauma survivor #trauma #trauma recovery #recovery #cptsd #ptsd #disabled #disability #mental health #mentally ill #mental illness #mental health support #positivity

[s1yeye]

people seem forget nonverbal semiverbal speech unreliable speech loss all can be caused by things not autism outside of autism. kuru i me is not nonverbal semiverbal self, but body have somewhat frequent speech loss, and many alters (like self) speak weird funny or not speak at all. is mostly part of us our schizophrenia and brain damage and ID. we autism autistic too, but autism tend cause more words speak hyperverbal lot lot lots words spill out ramble off, rather than hard to speak hard make sentence hard words or no at all.

this post, want say hello and i see you to others with schizospec or brain damage or ID who not speak or struggle speak some way because of it. you welcome here, is your community too. ^_^

#level 2 autism #level 2 autistic #medium support needs #actually autistic #actually schizospec #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #actually schizo #actually mentally ill #intellectual disability #intellectually disabled #brain damage #traumatic brain injury #tbi #nonverbal #semiverbal #unreliably speaking #<- tag for reach #kuru i am not nonverbal semiverbal #not want try claim those. sorry if overstep

[foursaints]

reading fic as a barty stan is so humiliating because he'll give his one slutty cameo and/or commit some indiscriminate evil as part of his role as diabolical b-tier side villain. but you know im sitting there gobbling it up every single time

#*looking at guy with 3 lines of dialogue at best* THE MAIN CHARACTER? THE MAIN CHARACTER IS HERE? MY SHINING STAR? #thats simply my traumatized knight archetype protagonist whose actions were all justified that I support uncritically <- reader with issues #guys im reading ecydirue and I just got to the barty book. you CANT expect me to be normal about this

[shsl-heck]

Thinking about the Chevalier interlude, specifically the inaugural team of Wards. Like in universe, they sell it to this first group of kids (and presumably the rest of the world) as a place for second chances, to find friends and mentors who understand what youre going through, where you can learn to use your powers safely while making good memories. The kids broadly seem to believe in these noble intentions of course, but what really gets me is that I've seen readers buy into it!

"Oh, it's such a tragedy that the Wards program became this awful thing that traumatizes kids even more, and expects them to die for the sake of civilians! It's fallen so short of what it was originally supposed to be!"

No it has not??? The fact that the triumvirate and Hero are saying it has this noble goal doesn't make it true. The Wards was pretty clearly always a way to increase the amount of bodies the prt could throw at threats, and we know this because it was started by the fucking Triumvirate as a part of the Protectorate! Alexandria literally came up with the idea of the Protectorate to legitimize the power of capes, and have a consistent source of heroes Cauldron could throw at problems. That is the whole reason for the PRT/Protectorate existing. So when we have this group of children brought in a subsidiary, there are 2 real options.

1). Cauldron and Alexandria decided they would be really niceys and created this program with no intentions other than helping these kids out.

Or 2). As things got worse, they realized the Protectorate didn't have enough manpower to do what they needed, and so they expanded it to include children (the demographic most prone to triggering). That way, they greatly increase the number of capes who they can send to fight and die as needed, and the ones who do survive their tenure in the Wards will be better trained when it comes time to join the actual Protectorate.

At the risk of sounding conceited, I think the second one is far more likely based on everything we know about Cauldron. Maybe it was originally a little nobler, and the goal was just to create more well trained heroes and cut back on young villains, but there's no way Alexandria, Doc Mom, and Contessa didn't factor in the ability to sacrifice the kid heroes if it improved their chances of success. That was absolutely a perk at minimum.

That's the real tragedy of the inaugural Wards. The kids were lured in with promises of safety, comraderie, and second chances like lambs to the slaughter. All the while, Alexandria and Cauldron knew that many (if not most) of these children would suffer abuse by the prt (like in the case of Reed), die, or face a fate worse than death like poor Mouse Protector. It's horrifying! The idea that they didn't know the danger these kids would be in is literally inconceivable. Especially when one of you is also the head of the prt! They knew, and they didn't care. It improved their chances at the end of the world, and so they did it no matter the cost.

#the same ppl will talk about Taylor being an unreliable narrator who we cannot trust #and then take Alexandria at face value #i think a lot of it is that this genre of guys very uncritically support and assume the best of authority figures #especially law enforcement #in a way that they just dont when it's a teenage girl who's never so much as glanced in the direction of a healthy coping mechanism #the great irony here being that fundamentally the prt/protectorate and Cauldron are all *also* being run by traumatized young women #and also that pretty much every negative opinion Taylor expresses abt the prt is 100% vindicated as the story goes on #genuinely baffled ppl can read Worm and be like 'Taylor's distrust of the prt was irrational' #it's the same energy as calling a woman hysterical #yes this *is* just me remembering the We've Got Worm podcast guys #they are my mortal enemies when it comes to wormposting #worm spoilers #worm #worm web serial #worm wildbow #parahumans

[xenosagaepisodeone]

#Tsukarekitta Onna ga Shinu hodo Iyasareru Tame ni #manga #kind of wanted more from this I will Always support yuri with traumatized failwomen protagonists in their 30s!!!!

[simplepotatofarmer]

i'm going to say that doxxing is a serious thing involving private info being posted publicly online without permission and i really, really wish that the community had taken it seriously a year ago.

#sorry but that shit traumatized me #having to get a lawyer to be like 'please help i'm being doxxed and harassed over a block game' #anyway. #that is the only thing i'm going to say because i have i personal experience with it. and i've always been disappointed in the community. #also support unions <- anarchist speaking #loyal talks about stuff and things #fandom critical