#that even through the remorse he acknowledges that he was a child and doesn’t allow for the adults in his life to just skate by while he

[roobylavender]

previously you’ve mentioned how the cruel prince series had potential to expand on its world building as well as explore the, rather frankly, xenophobic attitude the fae held in regards to humans !

do you think if HB had done that well , cardan and jude’s relationship would be more realistic ? also i wonder if issues ever come up later in life like “oh remember that time where you hated my entire race lolz” to be honest, as much as the whole “cardan is/was/has been obsessed with jude most of his life; The Jude Name Letter TM” was intriguing i feel like it was a bit of a cop-out ?? yk , like when it came to light that he never truly hated her but his past actions were …. [gestures]

considering holly black (per her own words) took large inspiration from the queen’s thief i have to take that as a reference point and say that judecardan might have been believable had their initial dynamic been founded on anything other than cardan responding to his own familial trauma.. attolia was the way she was bc she had had every semblance of agency repeatedly robbed of her by the men in her life, whether that was her father, her barons, or eventually her fiancé, so eugenides’s theft read in context of that was a direct threat to every ounce of respect and control she’d managed to scrap up through sheer cunning and resolve. he was as much a political threat to the stability of her rule as a female monarch as he was a personal threat to her agency and ability to shield herself against patriarchal crimes. the prowess of the queen’s thief consistently lay in its ability to tie its political narrative to its personal one and that’s somewhere i think holly black gloriously failed. admittedly i never read the latter two books of the series but my problem with the world building in the first was that it felt utterly surface level. it never took its time to delve into the intricacies and trivial details of how the kingdom functioned and why it functioned that way. the fae hating humans was merely taken as a given. so even in light of the abuse i wasn’t compelled to feel like i should care that cardan might feel something for jude. nothing really excused him specifically taking his anger and trauma out on her, and i’m even less inclined to be impartial to the whole “actually he never really hated her” shtick bc it’s a cop-out

the thing with enemies to lovers as a trope that is so often absent in its execution is accountability. you have to sit with your pre-existing hatred and your crimes and you have to feel guilty about it for the rest of your life bc it’s the absolute bare minimum required of you: the acknowledgment that you have treated another person in the most horrible way imaginable bc of pre-established lines of political conflict. the acknowledgment that no matter how much love may spring out of the earth after there will always be a rot underneath that you can never forget so long as you live. this is a concept executed to perfection in the lumatere chronicles via the relationship between tesadora and perri (which i’m going to talk about in the vaguest terms possible bc some people have come here asking for spoilers and i am telling you NO! you will never get a better experience with them than reading about the horrors of their story completely unaware of what they actually entail). regardless of however remorseful perri is about what he’s done in the past and regardless of how deeply he loves tesadora, his prior violence is something he has to live with and atone for in perpetuity. it’s an ugly thing between them and he even acknowledges that they don’t know how to talk about it with each other bc it’s so painful and humiliating to think of the violence he and the people in his community inflicted on hers for years. and this is regardless of the fact that he was a child for most of it! he doesn’t allow himself to make excuses or beg for her forgiveness bc a part of him knows he’d never deserve it. he’s actively tormented over the suffering he’s caused her in the past and even when they’re together in the present you can tell they’re always shifting back and forth between moments of heart-rending tenderness and painfully silent grief. so that’s a quality i think all good enemies to lovers should have: the idea that you’ll never really be at peace and if the love is truly that strong and worth it then you’ll resign yourself to your role as a permanent penitent for the sake of your lover. the idea that you’ll do everything in your power now to give them the peace you robbed them of prior. enemies to lovers to me isn’t supposed to be an everyone’s happy and everything’s perfect now thing. there has to be a perpetual ugliness to it, even if latent, and that’s something that at least from reading the first book and seeing snippets from the last judecardan to me lacked

#outbox #sry this is so long i have. Very strong opinions about enemies to lovers jdbdjndkdk

[makeste]

tw/ child abuse

omg I can't take people defending endeavor anymore, the man beat up two of his 5yo children, one of them to the point where he faked his own death, made his wife go crazy because of the constant abuse, neglected his other two children, he fucked with his family for 20 years and people are still claiming that he did nothing wrong???? that he feeling sorry for himself and not his victims is okay??? this man needs to be put in jail not amount of self pity can make me feel sorry for him, hes not even trying to pretend to care, I didn't had a panic attack reading that chapter where deku said that he deserves to be forgiven because he thought him how to use is quirk and beat jeanist acted as if child abuse means nothing compared to the heroes reputation because it reminded me of how everyone around me acted as if the abuse that me and my sisters had to endure meant nothing and we were just being hysterical, for readers to start acting as if endeavor did nothing wrong when we know he has, I really wish that people would stop and think and instead of pputting blame on the victims put it on the abuser (sorry about any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and i was kinda nervous writing this)

anon you absolutely have a right to not like the character or his story arc, and I’m sorry that you and your sisters went through that. you can hate him and find him unforgivable and want him to be punished, and all of that is valid. however, there are a few things that you’ve stated in this ask which are misleading and which I’d like to clarify.

1. I have never once seen anyone say that Endeavor did nothing wrong; I’m curious where you’ve seen that take. I think it’s pretty much universally acknowledged in fandom that Endeavor abused and neglected his family, and he himself even acknowledged responsibility for Touya’s death. no one is claiming otherwise.

2. Deku never said Endeavor deserves to be forgiven. what he said was (1) Dabi was wrong about it not being his business, because trying to kill Deku’s friend right in front of him makes it his business, and (2) “the past never dies, and that’s why I’m watching Endeavor real hard as he tries to be better.” the implication is that he’s not forgiving Endeavor for what he’s done, but that he is paying attention to Endeavor’s attempts at atonement now to see if he really is sincere (which he in fact is).

3. similarly, Jeanist never said anything close to “I don’t give a fuck about child abuse, how dare you besmirch the heroes’ precious reputations”, or whatever people keep interpreting it as. I’ve already written a much longer post about this, so I won’t go into it here. but again, this is putting words into characters’ mouths that they’ve never said and completely twisting their meanings around.

4. Dabi is not immune from responsibility for his actions just because his father neglected him. it’s not a get out of jail free card he can just wave around. he’s killed scores of people, and he himself nearly killed the same brother he called Endeavor out for abusing. acknowledging that doesn’t mean that someone is victim-blaming. you can call out Dabi for his shit and still acknowledge Endeavor’s crimes as well. people who are abused can and do sometimes grow up to be abusers themselves.

5. lastly, please don’t think I mean this in a harsh way at all, anon, but in the same way that nobody has the right to tell you how to feel about the story, you don’t have the right to tell others how to feel about it either. you don’t know what other people have been through, and their feelings are valid too. “I really wish that people would stop and think” implies that they haven’t already. speaking as an abuse survivor myself, I personally find Endeavor’s redemption arc therapeutic, because my abuser never expressed any real remorse for their actions even though I wish they would have. so seeing that happen in this story is actually pretty emotional for me. but that’s also a deeply personal reaction that I kind of wish I didn’t have to explain on demand just to prove that I’m allowed to participate in the discussion on abuse. basically I don’t think anyone has the right to gatekeep said discussion, or try to invalidate other people’s feelings and reactions because they don’t think they’re reacting in what they feel is the appropriate way.

Endeavor’s character arc is always going to be a polarizing one. it’s an example of restorative justice versus punitive justice, with Horikoshi generally being in favor of the former (at least from what we’ve seen). and so for the people who want to see Endeavor punished, his arc isn’t necessarily going to be an enjoyable one, because rather than taking the “put him in jail and humiliate him and make him suffer” approach, Horikoshi is instead going with the “make him take responsibility by acknowledging and doing his best to repair the harm he’s done moving forward” approach. which is a much slower and more painstaking process, and less viscerally satisfying, but ultimately more helpful to the people that he’s actually hurt. at least I think so. but again, you don’t have to agree and those feelings are 100% valid as well. I think overall people just need to stop acting like there’s an objective right or wrong way to feel here in general. anyway so that’s all I’ll say about it for now.

#bnha 300 #endeavor #todoroki enji #bnha meta #endeavor meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #tw: child abuse

[bigskydreaming]

I am looking (disrespectfully) at the trope of Bruce and other family members only seeming to respect Dick’s wishes when doing so aligns with what they already wanted to do.

Let’s go to the examples!

1) Bruce not broaching adoption with Dick because he wants to respect Dick’s first parents and feels like he would be taking their place or overstepping or putting himself in between Dick and his memories of his parents. Sometimes its cited that Dick himself expressed this wish early on after his parents died, sometimes its not and this is still just upheld as Bruce’s reasoning for not adopting Dick before he was already well into adulthood.

THE FATAL FLAW (in mine own personal opinion, natch. Personal mileage may vary, check your speedometer to be safe):

This particular plot point or tangle is in my experience ALWAYS paired with Bruce’s own insecurities about his role in Dick’s life, or not wanting to push that or receive an answer he doesn’t want to or is afraid to hear. Sometimes its about his fears of unworthiness to be Dick’s actual parent, etc, etc. But the bottom line is, there is always the presence of SOME element (and not a small one) in which Bruce’s own self-interest or feelings are protected by him NOT broaching the adoption conversation with Dick and having to confront these fears head on.

This is additionally juxtaposed with the problem that although there’s a lot of variance in regards to stories where Bruce fired Dick versus stories where Dick gave up being Robin and moved on to Nightwing voluntarily....there’s NOT a lot of stories where Dick makes Jason Robin himself or is asked by Bruce first. The part where Bruce takes this initiative on his own, without thinking through its repercussions on Dick emotionally.....this is practically always present.

Now, the problem here is that......Dick became or began becoming Robin well into his time with Bruce. Its frequently cited as the thing that began allowing them to truly connect, their time training and acting as Batman and Robin.

Meaning no matter WHAT interpretation you go with as to why specifically Dick chose the name Robin, whether it was a family nickname or an homage to Robin Hood.....the fact remains, NOTHING of Robin, THEMATICALLY, nothing that spoke to Dick in regards to what he wanted Robin to be - specifically in honor of his parents because avenging his parents and making sure what happened to them didn’t happen to others like, this was literally a key part of what bonded Dick and Bruce, the fact that Bruce was TRYING to help Dick specifically BECAUSE they shared this particular overlap of purpose - like the bottom line is, nothing about Robin CAME from Bruce. Or Dick’s feelings about Bruce. That....didn’t really even exist yet, at the time he created Robin. Everything about Robin, other than the physical costume itself, not even the design just the actual creation of it....all of that came from BEFORE he met Bruce. None of it was thoughts or feelings derived from BRUCE. Its the whole reason Dick was never Batkid or Batlad, or any derivative of Batman.

It all, ALL came from what Dick came to the manor WITH. Remnants of his life with his first family.

So the fatal flaw of Bruce’s reasoning that by not broaching the subject of adoption with Dick before well into adulthood, he was actually just respecting Dick’s relationship with his first parents and not trying to come between them and Dick’s memories and feelings about them....

All of this is inherently undermined by Bruce’s own actions.....when by repurposing Robin to ANY degree, even just to give the mantle to Jason.....this meant that he was inherently viewing Robin as being more about being Batman’s partner, HIS partner....then it was about being Dick’s heritage, his last intangible keepsake of his first family and life BEFORE Bruce.

In effect....Bruce making Jason Robin or firing Dick as Robin, either way....both betray Bruce’s OWN alleged intentions for only wanting to respect Dick’s relationship with his parents, and that being why he didn’t want to overstep by trying to impose or even ask for his own official parent/child relationship with Dick. Because that’s exactly what appropriating the Robin mantle was. It was Bruce ignoring the relationship Dick had with his parents and their memory and the fact that Robin was directly born of that....and making Robin entirely about Bruce’s OWN relationship with Dick, heedless of any other factors.

And the second Bruce did that.....his entire justification for not raising the adoption issue....disappears. It goes away. Because you can’t claim inaction being just a result of not wanting to disrespect something you’ve already voided respect for. No matter whether Bruce INTENDED it or not.....by crossing this boundary, Bruce already acted against Dick’s feelings in this regard and well, disregarded them....which makes claims of Bruce not raising the adoption issue pretty much JUST self-serving at that point. Its an alleged viewpoint of Dick’s that Bruce largely just ASSUMES....and only ultimately respects - in direct contrast to how he didn’t respect the associations Dick had with Robin - because it aligns with something Bruce ALREADY wanted to do, rather than what Dick actually wanted. It provided justification for Bruce to just....not have a conversation he was afraid to have. And that’s about Bruce at that point. Its not about Dick. Its just like...not.

2) Another example of this that is not unique to just Bruce, but recurs frequently in both canon and fanfics in Dick’s dynamics with other characters he’s close with.....is characters not apologizing for things they’ve done to Dick or raising the issue of things they did a long time ago but never apologized for....while claiming to do so because they thought DICK didn’t want to talk about it.

THE FATAL FLAW (in my own personal opinion. Nuances and variations may not be identical at all store locations, please see your local branch for details):

The particular problem I have here is that....Dick never ever ever in the history of ever and also the before ever time.....has EVER expressed a desire to avoid confrontation.

Like. That’s what he DOES. That’s his JAM. That’s literally CITED time and time again as one of the reasons he’s viewed as more of a people person and natural team leader than Bruce and other Batfam members....because he’s not afraid to cut straight (or bi) to the heart of the matter and air out a dispute.

In fact, this very character trait is one of the ones most commonly utilized AGAINST Dick in various depictions of him, as he’s often cited as TOO confrontational, TOO eager for a fight or conflict especially when his temper is engaged, such as when he’s well....personally hurt or offended.

So how does it follow, then, that avoiding tough conversations ONLY when its on the OTHER person to INITIATE, because they were the ones who DID the wrong-doing and Dick the subject of that rather than the instigator....how does it work, exactly, that these are the only times in which we DON’T tend to see a direct conversation about the harms done and the fallout that resulted? With it being claimed that this is solely for Dick’s benefit, out of a desire to avoid pulling him into an allegedly unnecessary (but really just unpleasant) confrontation?

When the concurrent reality is that whether stated or acknowledged or not.....avoiding these specific conversations and ONLY these conversations (as there never seems to be a problem finding canon or fanfic stories in which Dick apologizes for harm HE’S caused to others or is clearly expected to).....this avoidance also carries the side benefit of allowing the character who DID something wrong to Dick to....not ever have to have that super uncomfortable conversation in which they actually verbally acknowledge the thing they did to him and the effects it had on him, and apologize for that.....and then render themselves vulnerable to actually hearing whether or not he accepts their apology or is still upset with them regardless.

While - as long as they DON’T ever have this conversation, for whatever reason - they can look to the clear and consistent precedent of Dick continuing to work with people who have done things like oh, I don’t know....punched him in the face cuz they’re mad at him (and this isn’t a Bruce critical point, this is a whole damn family critical point as the only one who HASN’T actually done this is Duke. Well, Cass technically just threw him out a window, but I mean, tomato toh-mah-to). Writers and characters both can lean on the fact that actually Dick has a pretty clear track record of ultimately giving up a grudge or at least showing a willingness to look past those grudges enough that it doesn’t prevent him from still maintaining or resuming some kind of relationship with the person who hurt him.

And thus, like Example Numero Uno......this ultimately just lets other characters off the hook while claiming to do Dick a favor, but actually Dick receives no real benefit from it and instead now just has another instance of characters saying “see we respect your wishes” when ultimately their inaction is MORE in service to their own wishes and self-interests.

2b) See also the variation of this in which characters such as Bruce, Jason, Tim and assorted others like....are written specifically determining that they’re not going to apologize to Dick or beg his forgiveness because they feel they don’t DESERVE to be forgiven, and once again....its in HIS best interests that they not even give him the opportunity to say he forgives them....because they know Dick Grayson of course, and they know he’s too forgiving for his own good, so its better to like....not make it ever a possibility in this particular instance.

With the problem here being like.....Dick can’t and shouldn’t be expected to KNOW that’s their logic? So....all he’s going to actually SEE is loved ones just....not expressing remorse for hurting him or acknowledgment it even happened? Which....hurts?

So......hurting your loved one MORE after already hurting them....because you don’t feel you deserve to be forgiven for hurting them in the first place and are actually PROTECTING them from being hurt more when mistakenly forgiving you.....by.....hurting and continuing to hurt them with your silence and lack of evident remorse....

Mmmm.....

Its not the best approach, y’know?

Flaws are detected.

3) Dick’s friends and family manipulating situations in order to get the end result THEY desire, while claiming to do so for his benefit only. Dick being willing to manipulate people to achieve his own ends comes up a LOT actually....but there’s relatively little examination of how often people do this to him, claiming his best interests but really just circumventing his clearly stated desires for independence and the right to make his own choices about what HE needs....or when this is brought up, its usually limited to JUST Bruce doing it, but uh....no that ain’t it.

Specific examples of this are like when Wally joins the 1999 version of the Titans specifically to get Dick to join up, because in his estimation Dick needs more of a social life and is drowning himself with his responsibilities....and then quits not long after Dick is finally officially invested in staying with the team. Another example is when Roy gets Dick to join the Outsiders based entirely on his pitch of NOT treating the team like a family, like they did with the Titans, so that Dick could keep emotional distance and not be as worried about losing them like he suffered from losses like Donna....with his claim again being that he worried about Dick in the aftermath of that loss, etc.

And to be clear! Its not that I think Wally and Roy and others who do similar things have NEGATIVE intentions in mind for Dick. That’s the whole point of this post.....like the other examples, I fully believe THEY believe (or writers believe when writing them this way) that they have Dick’s best interests in mind and not their own. I just....disagree.

THE FATAL FLAW (at least as I see it here):

Is that I view this and Batfam members who do similar stuff as like.....falling into the trap of the savior friend complex. Its that thing when you see a friend hurting, and over time get FRUSTRATED by seeing this when a solution seems obvious to you but think they won’t take it because they’re too stubborn or don’t know what’s best for them....with this specifically recurring a LOT with Dick in particular, due to his core characterization of wanting to be the one to make his own choices. The problem here, same as the problem with the savior friend complex....is that it treats the subject of these views as like....incapable of determining what they need. Its a tacit condemnation that they actually don’t know how to cope with things and are doing it wrong - even though the ones making this assessment will never be the ones actually having to LIVE with the outcome of their meddling. Its the conviction that someone like Dick needs to be HANDLED, for his own good....because he can’t be trusted to KNOW what he needs, not as well as them at least.....and so they jump to manipulation rather than just....ASK him what he needs, or HOW they can best support him, or even just WHY he’s making the choices he is.

For instance, the problem with what Wally did was never that Dick wasn’t struggling. He was. He was drowning in his responsibilities, he had very little to no life outside of them.....Wally is not remotely in the wrong for WANTING to do something to change this situation. The problem is Wally basically defaulted to just...HANDLING his friend by restarting the Titans just to give Dick a social life again, which is pretty much a line straight out of the comics...and basically railroaded right over Dick’s initial ‘no’ when he first heard the proposal. And kept pushing things until Dick eventually joined up in order to get Wally to commit to the team too, because Wally spun it as though Dick was helping Wally by getting Wally to commit to the team for the very same reasons Wally wanted Dick to. And then....right after that, Wally quit to go back to just focusing on the Justice League, which was part of what Dick predicted would happen all along.

The thing was.....at no point along the way did Wally actually ask WHY Dick initially said no....he jumped straight to assuming his own view of the problem, that Dick just COULDN’T be made to ever see the reason to take a break occasionally and put his mental and emotional health as a priority. If he’d done this, Wally could have had dozens of other options to achieve his desired end result....he could’ve like....set up regular hangouts with Dick. 

But Wally jumped to assuming he knew the answer, he knew what was best for Dick, and that Dick’s logic was inherently self-destructive and self-flagellating.....and he felt the solution was to bring back the Titans, as he recalled their earlier times as Titans together as a time when Dick was better able to balance his social life and responsibilities.

But by not ever stopping to LISTEN to why Dick felt the way he did and was initially opposed to rejoining the Titans....Wally overlooked one crucial fact: He isn’t Dick.

And more important, his view of the past wasn’t Dick’s view of the past.

Wally was a lot more capable of viewing the Titans as not just a family, but an inherent social life, a hangout, a kind of club....because that’s what it had always been to him.

But he’d never been the leader.

Throughout all their childhoods, the whole time the Titans WERE all of the above, and relatively light-hearted in comparison to their older selves....Dick STILL had the weight of responsibilities that none of the others had by virtue of just...not being the leader. Ultimately, all of their lives were in HIS hands. He was the one calling the shots. The buck stopped with him.

And this is precisely WHY Dick had gotten to the point he had in adulthood. It wasn’t because he’d changed. It wasn’t because he’d stopped figuring out what he needed and how to take care of himself. Its because the position he’d ALWAYS been in as leader....has WEIGHT. That eventually added up more and more and weighed him down. A huge part of the reason Dick had ended up leaving the Titans in the first place, before they disbanded prior to the 1999 revival....is because of the sheer WEIGHT of all the deaths and misfortunes that had befallen the Titans....and how much he and he alone struggled with it in ways the others didn’t....because they didn’t have to. It hadn’t been their plans, their calls, their RESPONSIBILITY to find a way the others could have all made it out alive or at least less traumatized.

So.....of COURSE Dick said no when Wally first proposed restarting the Titans, before Wally defaulted to using his own membership as a lure to get Dick to agree.....because......nothing about the above paragraph had changed, via Wally’s ‘plan.’ It wasn’t because Dick just didn’t KNOW how to be a fully rounded person....it was because nobody was helping him find actual OPTIONS for doing that....that didn’t just double as MORE responsibilities! Because that’s exactly what ended up happening! Dick wound up the leader of the Titans again, just as responsible and just as invested as always.....just like he always knew he would....and also as he knew would happen...Wally ended up quitting not long into it and persuading Jessie Quick to step in as his replacement....aka just one more person for Dick to worry about when it wasn’t like he was going to be worrying any less about Wally, just now he wasn’t going to have Wally there to even POTENTIALLY be able to support him when tragedy inevitably struck because they’re freaking superheroes....and instead he’d just have another person looking to him for the answers but with no reason or chance of being the support Dick could ACTUALLY use at times like that!

Wally’s manipulations circumvented Dick’s opinion that no, actually he knew what was best for him and it wasn’t what Wally was suggesting....without actually accounting for the fact that hey, Dick might actually know that. And in the end, Wally got the result he was after, he got to feel that he’d HELPED his friend....which again, this isn’t WRONG to WANT to....but Dick didn’t...exactly....benefit from this. It wasn’t actually in his best interests ultimately.

I mean...see Donna’s death for details.

And in the aftermath of THAT....Roy essentially did exactly what Wally did....just in REVERSE! Roy got Dick to agree to lead the Outsiders, to shoulder responsibility once again....by promising that Dick WOULDN’T have to view them as family. And did Dick go too far and end up TOO uncaring about their welfare? Yup! No disagreements there! Problem is though....he only ended UP in that situation because yet again a friend thought they KNEW the solution to what Dick needed.....only for Dick to end up essentially punished and further self-blaming....just for doing exactly what Roy had told him TO do, with this particular team. Again - Roy hadn’t EXPECTED Dick to take it this far. But that’s the whole point! Roy had expectations about what Dick would ACTUALLY end up doing, that didn’t match up to the pitch Roy actually gave Dick to GET his agreement.....because Roy all along was of the assumption that by virtue of being Dick Grayson, he wouldn’t be ABLE to avoid connecting with these new teammates and viewing them as family, and thus he’d end up ‘snapping out of it’ with it being the funk he’d been in since Donna’s death.

Roy’s intentions might have been noble, once again.....but his methods stuck to the same pattern of people around Dick believing they knew what he needed or knew who he was or knew what it meant to BE Dick Grayson....better than Dick actually did...particularly when Dick said no, this isn’t what I need or this isn’t a good idea or just...I don’t want to do this.

And in the end....its Dick who ended up paying the price for it, as well as the people who got hurt because of his INTENTIONAL emotional distance.....because the ‘view all surrounding people as new surrogate family’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience hadn’t kicked in as Roy thought inevitably would....but the ‘view all this as directly my fault and suffer guilt for it forevermore’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience most certainly did! Not at all actually helped along by the fact that like....Roy also expressed frustration with Dick that like.....Dick hadn’t actually responded to Roy’s intended manipulation of his emotions the way Roy had expected him to when he EXPRESSLY TOLD DICK TO BEHAVE THE WAY THAT DICK ULTIMATELY BEHAVED. (Just, he didn’t tell Dick to dial that all the way up to Extra, but given that’s the only setting Dick does ANYTHING at, I feel its a possible outcome Roy should have at least considered. I mean, wasn’t the whole point that you know Dick Grayson better than he knows himself?)

But lo, I am salty.

LMAO, but I mean, you get it right? Obviously, I LIKE Wally and Roy. I LIKE Jason, etc. I’m not saying all of this to be like ugh how dare these characters do all this to Dick....I’m saying it because like.....they all keep falling into the same patterns of making a big fuss and acknowledgment of how much Dick prioritizes being able and free to make his own choices and decide what’s best for him and what HE wants.....

But without ever like....actively asking him AT THE RELEVANT TIME....what he thinks and feels about all this. What he thinks and feels he needs. What he ACTUALLY wants from them, or why he’s ACTUALLY saying no to something and maybe it being for reasons that aren’t just him inherently being stubborn and self-destructive.

And instead just defaulting to falling back on whatever he might have said or expressed in an entirely different context at an entirely different time.....and saying okay, by doing so, we are abiding by his wishes and thus doing what he wants and respecting his right to make his own choices.....

But ONLY when doing all of the above just so happens to align with these other characters then getting to do the thing or take the approach they’re already predisposed towards wanting to take because of their OWN self-interests at the same time.

With this never actually coming into play when respecting Dick’s wishes aligns with them taking actions they DON’T personally want to undertake, because it makes them uncomfy or they think its a bad call, even if it is something that should be his call to make.

Like....the pattern. It very much exists. And abounds. Like I could cite examples allllllllllll the way up to Ric Grayson, where Bruce respected RIC’S wishes to be left alone and not interfere in his life no matter what.....in ways Bruce almost never respects Dick’s actual expressed wish for Bruce to butt out of matters when Bruce is actually quite keen on meddling and would very much like to....

But notice how the other thing about the Ric Grayson storyline is that Ric’s expressed desire to stay the fuck out of vigilantism and superhero work, like.....just so happens to align with Bruce’s longstanding desire for Dick to like...get out of the vigilantism and superhero work? With butting out of Ric’s life and respecting his privacy in ways Dick has to FIGHT him for, like......absolutely the optimal action to take in order to allow this expressed desire of Ric’s to flourish in the ways Bruce always wished would kick in for Dick?

.....just saying. 

The pattern. It abounds.

And the key to breaking any pattern, of course, is to first recognize....and acknowledge....that it exists.

Otherwise you tend to fall into the trap of repeating and perpetuating it over and over without even realizing it, simply because its what’s familiar.

This has been A Post by Me. Thank you and have a nice day. Or don’t. Idk. I’m not the boss of you. Whatever.

[your--isgayrights]

Hey! Do you have a theory of why 49%'s last words were "i'm sorry"?

I like your theories, and i love your fanfic! Thank you!

Oh that's such an interesting question...

(this ended up being long so under a read more and also I summarized my points in the tags.)

I think that the avatar of the 49%'s last words were actually "if you're sure this is the story that you want..." The being that says "I'm sorry" is the disappearing child Dokja in the train car that they manage to break through to. In that chapter it's said that him and his avatar were in the car, the avatar then disappears, and what remains is the little kid. This version of Kim Dokja existed as a result of his reckless sacrifices of probability in the zeroeth regression, as we know that his physical form became smaller and smaller.

Ok tw for discussion of suicide from here on out bc I feel like if you've read my meta before then you know that for me Kim Dokja being a suicide survivor is very important to it.

We know that the age the Kim Dokja regresses to is that form the most ancient dream took, around the time that he began to read ways of survival, when he began to "dream."

This is sort of a side tangent, but the existence of the "most ancient dream" is one that I think can be interpreted more literally, because if we accept that the entire universe of the novel is the reflection of the mind of Kim Dokja, then the reason that is the earliest form that it's God takes shows that the world began when he read ways of survival. Because the existence he was before then is one that didn't hold any power.

The regression of Kim Dokja into the position of helpless observer is parallel to his experience of being a child before he began to read ways of survival. Absorbing stories because somewhere on the core of him he equates them with escapism and love, but being unable to change his own physical circumstances or even muster up a conscious will of his own.

This is why Kim Dokja is left hospitalized as a fifteen year old child, parallel to how he was after his first suicide attempt.

So when you think about Kim Dokja's actions throughout the span of the epilogue, what we're essentially watching is that in isolation, at the end of this story, this world, we see what Kim Dokja does with himself. And what he does is extremely parallel to the situation of his younger self.

You have to remember about this part that the laws of the universe are determined by Kim Dokja's subconscious. The rules of probability come from his own internal idealization of sacrifice.

We see in the dream space that Kim Dokja is able to affect the happenings of the zeroeth regression by sacrificing parts of himself in exchange for benefit to his friends. We can see that this is a form of self harm that is a detriment to himself, but because of the way the universe works in his mind, it has a story effect. We could imagine though that before this dream world existed that sacrificing parts of himself=control in situation where he feels helpless and unable to do anything to change his own situation.

So when Kim Dokja is alone he feels helpless to change his situation. It's all out of his control from laws of the universe he doesn't really understand. He chooses to harm himself because it's the only choice he can make that will progress the story, have any affect at all.

But the difference of this lonely Kim Dokja between the circumstances of his first suicide attempt and the dream space that mirrors it is that Kim Dokja has people who care about him. People who are coming for him and want to help him, to save him.

So when Kim Dokja is about to disappear and knows that he is going to disappear, he says that he is sorry to these people because the one thing that gave the actions he took power to himself were that they were his choice entirely, nevermind the circumstances out of his control.

And I think this is a really important moment, because it's all of his friends trying to reach out to him, trying to find out why he is like he is, trying to know why he is doing this.

And this whole scenario is the dream's fucked up way of showing his friends that this is what is at the core of Kim Dokja. This was the struggle that began the dream, the entire universe in the first place.

They're waking up from the dream in that this is the moment where they are really rewinding time, going back to this point that Kim Dokja can't even represent himself as a physical entity anymore.

He's in the hospital bed like he was before the dream started. Was the dream only a distraction from his impending doom? The death that he felt he was always heading for?

But no. We see that surviving in that way, the only way he could, was something that allowed him to make the friends who would tell him how to survive through his apocalypse. The waking up of Kim Dokja from the dream is like finally waking him up from his first attempt, this time giving him a story that is his own. Telling him that this story is his and that he can live for himself now. Because there are people who care about his story the way he had always been caring about theirs.

If we're being specific about the avatar of the 49%'s words... I think like as Kim Dokja he had some inkling of the fact that the wall showed this ugly truth about Kim Dokja's past and current existence. We know that Kim Dokja like. Feels inherently remorseful for 'burdening' others with his sad stuff (like his thing about not wanting to tell too Sangah about his mom) and I feel like "If you're sure this is the story you want" is sort of like an acknowledgement that what they're about to see is going to be bad. But the fact that they're willing to see it at all, to want to know Kim Dokja that much, is important to the stuff that happens later.

TLDR; I think "I'm sorry" is a choice of words that highlights the factor of Kim Dokja's choice in melding into the most ancient dream, but also evokes that feeling that he is burdening others with information about himself.

#ok this is like unreadable actually #my main assertions: #A - The most ancient dream is represented as Kim Dokja after his first suicide attempt because before that is the world before the dream #B - The universe exists after the apocalypse of Kim Dokja's original dreams. ie the kid he was before the main tramatic events of his life. #C - KDJ is seperated into the dream and what he is without the dream when his friends retrieve him. without it he is a kid in a hospital bed #D - KDJ's perspective as the MAD shows him regressing to what he was like before the dream of ways of survival. #E - KDJ recognizes that he chose to revert himself to this state. #F - KDJ did not want the others to see this part of him but let them in anyway. #G - I believe that he apologizes because of reasons E and F #cw suicide #orv spoilers #orv #kim dokja #ask #still-waiting-a-chance

[masterthespianduchovny]

Let’s talk about this Nate and Rebecca comparison again. 😊

There is a reason why I forgave Rebecca and why I’ll forgive Nate if he has the same introspection and emotional beats that she did surrounding the apology sequence.

Keeley gives Rebecca an ultimatum. “Either you tell Ted or I will.”

So the pressure to own up to the clusterfuck she created was there. It was time sensitive and she stood to lose a friend if she didn’t comply.

Rebecca calls Ted into her office saying that she’ll get straight to the point and not procrastinate while ironically doing neither.

We see this is difficult for her. It’s clear that she cares a lot for Ted and is realizing how much she stands to lose—not just her image, but Ted as friend as well, which is why she loses her nerve and sends him away.

Then Rupert comes in and drops a bomb, he and Bex are expecting. He dresses up this revelation as kindness and compassion opposed to callousness and cruelty. That he came to tell her face to face to watch her become distraught in real time. He revels in her pain. He wants to be the cause of it.

And the thing is: they both know this.

They both know he’s not trying to soften the blow of the new, but rather, add to it.

Rupert tries to frame her as hysterical. He tries to make her feel not good enough to have his child. Something he emotionally manipulated her into not having. A discussion they probably had for years, which he made her feel bad about.

Only to impregnate a younger woman and deem her “worthy” of having his child.

And he does hurt her.

We see the tears and the understanding as to how vile and evil is in Rebecca’s face. We see the understanding that Rupert gets off on emotionally harming her.

In that moment, Rebecca decides that she’s not going to be Rupert, she’s not going to end up like him. She’s not going to get off on others misery even if it’s his. It’s not her and so many people have gotten hurt, or could’ve, in the process.

Although she wants to keep ted in her life, as her friend, he has a right to know what she did. He has a right to quit and go the press. She’s not justified in what she’s done to Ted just because Rupert harmed her. And harming all of those people in the process just to hurt Rupert wasn’t right.

Rebecca sheds her fears and owns why she did because she doesn’t have the right to be shielded from Ted’s rightful anger. She doesn’t have the right to shield herself from something that is long overdo. She doesn’t have the right to take solace in a friendship that she feels she doesn’t deserve.

She deserves whatever Ted throws at her.

So she goes to face Ted and doesn’t justify or excuse her actions. There is not only remorse, there is also ownership of her actions. She doesn’t ask to be spared, plea for anything, beg, or influence Ted to take it easy on her.

In fact, she expects him to quit and tell the press, which she expects to weather after he airs our her dirty laundry.

And you know what, she was 100% prepared to accept accountability and responsibility for her actions.

Now this doesn’t erase the harm she did, but 1. Rebecca expressed remorse 2. She apologized 3. She was accountable 4. She didn’t try to influence him to forgive her and didn’t expect him to. 5. She gave him the space and freedom (no crowd) to make whatever decision he felt was appropriate even if she suffered massive consequences, which would’ve been deserved.

To be far to Nate, he’s in the middle of his story. So he didn’t have the same gut punch moment. We’ll see what that looks like at the end of the season.

What we get is Beard calling him out for what he said to Colin, Nate wondering if Ted knows, and being told to apologize.

I must note that Nate doesn’t appear to be remorseful about what he said, he just doesn’t want to get in trouble with Ted. Even if you argue that either Nate shouldn’t have to apologize to Colin since Colin used to bully him or that their relationship is too complicated to get to that point yet, Nate is still one of Colin’s coaches. If Nate isn’t mature enough to separate their history from their current relationship, he shouldn’t be a coach.

Remember, Roy was literally called out about this an episode or two ago and immediately corrected his behavior when called out by Ted. He cannot be a coach and selectively coach players. It doesn’t work that way.

Nate not only doesn’t give Colin the space and freedom to process his apology, the apology was insincere. There is no reckon king, reflection, or sincerity in his words. He’s apologizing because he has to and not because he means it.

The thing is: Nate should’ve apologized for allowing their past history interfere for his coaching responsibility and acknowledged that Colin did emotionally and physically hurt him, but it’s something he’s working to move past to be great at his job.

However, the person who really deserved the apology was Will and that’s what further highlights the entire charade. More so than Colin, Will deserved the apology and to be treated with respect. He deserves not to yelled at, afraid, and not to go to work at a hostile environment.

Instead, Nate further focuses on Will and his hostility increases.

Again, we are at the middle of Nate’s story, so anything can happen. But don’t get mad at me for using this comparison when I wasn’t the one who made it. Rather than people mentioning how Rebecca was forgiven for the fucked up shit she did, people should’ve said, “look at where Rebecca was around the half way mark in the first season and look at where she was in the finale; even though it looks bad, Nate still has time to turn this around.”

Instead people want to say, “y’all forgave Rebecca and Jamie for worse shit.”

Rebecca and Nate’s apologies are vastly different. After Rebecca apologized to Ted, she went and genuinely apologized to Higgins. Nate read a mean tweet and went and verbally abused and threatened Will.

For the third time, Nate is in the middle of his story and it does him a disservice to compare him to people with completed arcs. To people who has self reflection, made amends, and made active changes to become better people and useful to the bigger picture. Because we went on these full journeys, we’re able to forgive. Nate is still working through his shit and his actions aren’t a good look at all.

Let’s not set Nate up to fail currently by comparing him to people who have dealt with their shit heads on and learned from it. Let’s compare Nate’s journey to the middle of their stories and stress that his story isn’t over yet.

And let’s acknowledge that people have the right to feel angry and disturbed at Nate. Or how the power imbalance is vastly different from kitman and player v kitman and coach. This isn’t to say Jamie and co weren’t wrong to bully Nate, however, currently, as an assistant coach, he has more power over Will than the players did over him. Although Ted and Beard can override him, that relies on them always being around and seeing shit AND Will not being frightened to come forward. He may not think he’ll be able to or have support. Especially because they’re a crew, the Diamond Dogs.

Relying on other coaches to save or spare Will undercuts any reckoning and accountability for Nate. He needs to come to the realization that his behavior is fucked up and he shouldn’t be tormenting the kitman for any reason.

#I’m so fucking long winded #😔 #🥴 #I like to be thorough and clear #lol #rebecca welton #ted lasso #nate shelley

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

I couldn’t tell you which of their expressions I find the most haunting during this scene.

Is it Ahsoka’s disbelief, her surprise, her disappointment; as the truth sinks in. As she realizes that what she had feared, and desperately hoped not to be, is true. As she accepts that the master she thought infallable, whom she defended even when confronted by Maul’s visions of the future, has indeed fallen so far. Is it her mourning her friend, brother and master; realizing the man she looked up to was never worth the admiration she harvested. Is it the guilt she carries, believing she could have prevented his fall, saving both him and the Galaxy from evil if she had only heeded Maul’s warning, if she had only stayed with the Jedi Order?

Or is it Anakin’s pain, his remorse, his regret as it seeps through? Not Vader, Anakin. We see only one eye, and yet it tells us everything. Anakin doesn’t deny his true name, doesn’t shoot Ahsoka down. For this brief moment, he owns his mistakes, he owns his autonomy, he owns his identity. For this moment, Anakin ceases to lie to himself; albeit but a sliver of doubt. For that one moment, he falters, he hesitates; but he refuses to accept the truth that is too painful to acknowledge. 

This is his fault. Not Ahsoka’s, and even if she does stay - allowing him to kill her and sever the connection she has to his past - nothing will change. He still destroyed his own life, he still drove away Obi-Wan, he still “killed” Padmé and their unborn child. When the memories get too heavy, too agonizing, he blocks them out and his charade begins anew as he puts his walls back up.

But in this short moment, despite the lure of the Dark Side visibly still keeping him in shackles, he allows himself to remember. He allows himself to take the blame, before he can pick himself back up. Ahsoka now knows that, too. Ahsoka knows there is no Vader, that the person before her may be twisted and warped - but he’s still Anakin. Her false idol, her hollow role model. 

And Anakin? He can only let her in for so long. He can  only bear the guilt for so long.

#anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #darth vader #anakin #skywalker #ahsoka #tano #fulcrum #vader #lord vader #star wars #sw #swr #rebels #rebels era #snips #skyguy #little soka #soka #ani #anakin and ahsoka #ashley eckstein #matt lanter #james earl jones #meta #discourse #thoughts #opinions #analysis #sith

[always-and-forever-pan]

Miraculous Ladybug Character Observations

Edit - have been asked to tag this as Salt. Don't see how it is but I've updated that.

I was unable to sleep last night and I re-watched the Miraculous ladybug series up until season 4 and I had a few thoughts about the character Arcs we’ve been shown so far.

Marinette - sweet, kind, selfless, brave, naïve, obsessive, kind of a stalker but done with good intentions, passive when not in the mask, insecure, nervous, indecisive when not spur of the moment, catastrophizer. I could go on. (I mean the schedule when I say kinda salkerish. It’s weird as all get and a major red flag but it’s got ALL of her friends schedules on it so maybe it wasn’t meant to be as weird as it was? but combined with the modelling photos. But she’s also an inspiring designer and all the photos are of the Gabriel line or group friend shots so again weird but not as weird as it could be. It leaves us in this position of hating it but also loving it which adds to the discomfort)

Adrien - does not understand the world outside of TV shows, his entire life has been spent being told only what his father wants him to know. This has resulted in immaturity, 'innocence', a lack of empathy on some things because of this lack of understanding, and a child-like understanding of friendship. Due to only having seen romance on TV and his father's attitude of "Pursue until you succeed" he has a tendency to be mildly sexually harassing of the female population (note i do not mean rape please understand degrees of severity. As CN he does not take no for an answer, continues to push his feeling and wants onto LB despite her clear rejections but he never actually does anything explicitly sexual either which leaves us uncomfortable and unable to put reason as to why), he is a passive bully (by not calling out the bad behaviour of his friends he allows it to continue), he is manipulative (threatening to give up his miraculous if Plagg doesn't tell him the secrets). With a little help and experience he could grow up, could be a decent person but that's not going to happen until someone points out his flaws. I’m actually the most mad about Adrien, I loved the soft fluffy boi at first but they’ve done him so dirty and I want to but cant Stan him if they’re going to accept his behaviour and use him to teach people that it's okay.

Alya - Brave, passionate, energetic, and confident. She is a ride or die, type of friend. However, she is also stubborn to a fault, loyal to the point of enabling bad behaviour, her passion for superheroes leads her to danger and she doesn't think about hers or the people she's dragging into the situations safety or wellbeing during those times. Alya doesn't like to be wrong, combined with her stubbornness this at times ends up with her being wilfully ignorant of things (like Lila's lies)

Nino - enthusiastic, friendly, compassionate, a follower, a strong sense of right and wrong, argumentative. Not a bad person it's just that he is more of a follower than a leader so when someone he trusts tells him something he will follow it through (e.g. when Alya all but tells him she believes Lila over Marinette Nino does too)

Chloe - Due to Chloe's dad not being a parent but trying to buy Chloe's love all her life Chloe is a brat, is spoilt, has delusions of grandeur. Due to a mother who left when Chloe was a baby and can not even remember her name, or birthday, or even that Chloe exists half the time it has lead to Chloe having some very severe abandonment issues. And a Flaming Heap of mommy issues where Chloe needs to be perfection personified otherwise she'll never be remembered. This leads to Chloe lashing out at anyone who can do anything better than she herself can.

Lila - proud, loves attention, hates being called out, unashamed to put someone down if it lifts her up, not a smidge of remorse in her body, no empathy. Pathological lying and manipulation, no morality, narcissistic, superiority complex. She is actually the ONLY character we’re given who has ZERO redeeming qualities (They even tried to give Gabriel that weird ‘doing it for true love’ story).

Rose - sweet, cheerful, bubbly, naïve, optimistic, feels deeply about things, open and honest. Her naïve nature means that at times she is taken for granted.

Sabrina - meek, mousy, loyal, book smart, follower. She has a warped sense of how friendship works. Sabrina is willing to do all sorts of cruel things on her friend's orders. 

Nathaniel - an introvert, imaginative, artistic, quiet, shy, pan boi, observant, non-confrontational most of the time, jumps to conclusions if he feels he is being teased but will feel bad afterwards for acting negatively.

Max - gamer boi, is mathematically gifted but does not understand human interaction (can calculate exactly how fast Kim has to run but can't see that giving Chloe a gift is a bad idea?). is proud to the point of being selfish in his success (games and maths) but can still back down from his pride if it will mathematically work in his favour. He seems to try to be kind but his lack of understanding makes him stiff.

Mylene - has a crippling anxiety that comes with panic attacks (see horrificator) though she tries to be brave. Is ashamed of her fears, seems to know they are irrational, this leads to her being very sensitive about it. Once she manages to get past the initial fear she is kind, and loving, trying to see the best in people

Juleka - Has Crippling Anxiety, has panic attacks. Can not think of anything worse than having to speak in front of people. This means she is quite often passive. Due to her near-silent nature, she is often forgotten, this leads to Juleka being quite observant but also having what seems to be abandonment issues. These issues could also come from the fact that Jagged Stone is said to be their father and didn't even acknowledge them until season 4.

Ivan - is quick to anger and tends to express his negative emotions through violence, but he's been working on that (in origin's he goes to hit Kim for teasing him but is later friends with him. I call that growth).

Le Chien Kim - VERY competitive, is loud and at times abrasive. He is a jokester who likes to make people laugh but sometimes takes it too far. He will always feel sorry when he does take it too far. Kim can be hot-headed and rude at times but it stems from a place of being firm in his beliefs (even if they are dumb).

Alix - probably the most well-adjusted character on the show if I'm honest. She's impatient, pushy, stubborn, competitive, a little be of a problem with responsibility and authority but not much. Despite all of this we also see her acting patient, selflessly, unmotivated, obeying authority and taking responsibility for things. It makes it hard to hate her or like her. It also makes it hard to assess her in terms of character flaws, possible miraculous, what relationships could grow all of it. (Personally, I think this comes from the fact that she was once meant to be in a trio with Chloe and Sabrina so she's more a prop than a character in the early storylines, I really hope they flesh her out some more in season 4 the way they seem to be doing)

#miraculous fandom #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous world #miraculous season 4 #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #chloe bourgeois #lila rossi #rose lavillant #sabrina raincomprix #Nathaniel miraculous #miraculous mylene #juleka couffaine #miraculous juleka #ivan miraculous #kim le chien #miraculous alix #a little salty

[californiannostalgia]

Tangled the Series Character Analysis: Childhood Trauma POV

I can't believe Tangled the Series really created two incredible antivillains and threw them in direct contrast with the pre-existing golden couple. I love what the showrunners did with the main quartet, so I made a very subjective analysis post about it from a Childhood Trauma POV. (Spoilers, obviously.)

The Boys

The series' focus is on Rapunzel, and by association her direct opposite, Cassandra, so the boys get comparatively less screen time. But it doesn't take long to figure out that Varian is meant to be a parallel for Eugene—these are two people dealing with the absence of parental guardians, struggling to reconcile the lives they previously had with their changing ideals in relation to a less-than-perfect Father Figure.

They both respond to the helpless state of being young, alone, and powerless by trying to take back power in any way they can. Eugene reinvented himself and buried his desires for a family. Varian throws in everything he has into recovering what he lost, because he's a child and the best solution he can think of is to return to the familiar safety of his father's presence. A significant portion of his desperation is fueled by fear of his father’s disapproval, because as much as Quirin loves Varian, he wasn’t the dependable voice of support. Varian needs approval from outside sources, which was also Flynn Rider’s purpose in life, once upon a time. (Again, parallels.) 

Throughout the series, the boys' relationship with each other transforms from exasperated incomprehension to easy understanding. The process is hastened as Eugene lets himself realize he cares a lot about troubled kids who remind him of himself. He becomes aware that children should not be required to survive on their own like he and Lance had. Spurred on by his significant other's love and encouragement, Eugene is able to acknowledge the adverse affects of his childhood on his life and start moving on. His extending a ready hand to Varian is his process of healing. Though Eugene's first priority will always be Rapunzel, he truly wants to save Varian from the uncontrollable volatility of risky decisions because he knows that downward spiral intimately.

Of course, there is a difference between thieving from the rich and planning the destruction of a kingdom. We'll get to that later.

The Girls

Rapunzel and Cassandra are the biggest driving forces of narrative power in the show, and they are survivors of child abuse. Every one of the main quartet has Parent Issues, but Rapunzel takes the crown (figuratively speaking) with this one. She was kidnapped and groomed into a life-giving doll, and she was only able to escape her abusive adoptive mother through incredibly traumatizing means. For Cassandra, it was neglect, and even her loving adoptive father couldn't leviate the scars left on her childhood mind.

They're a classic case of Golden Child vs. Scapegoat, which is a common case seen in siblings raised by Narcissistic parents. When one child is "favored" more than the other, the kids experience vastly different childhoods, resulting in resentment that stems from their inability to understand each other. Rapunzel and Cassandra are both jealous of what the other had—Rapunzel wants Cassandra's casual, practiced ease with freedom and personal agency, while Cassandra wants the attention and respect that Rapunzel is given by the status of her birth. Because they're unwilling to speak candidly about the unique hardships of their childhood, what results is a series of miscommunications that put a strain on their friendship.

Cassandra and Rapunzel both want the other in their lives, but how they attempt to make that connection is very different. Cassandra wants to be a helpful, essential force in Rapunzel's life. Unfortunately, Rapunzel has been raised on the idea that when push comes to shove, no one will help her survive. Cassandra interprets Rapunzel's desire for independence as Rapunzel scorning the connection that Cassandra is attempting to create. Add in some manipulation from an ancient evil, and Cassandra decides she is done exhausting her emotions for Rapunzel.

Rapunzel, on the other hand, wants absolute honesty in her relationships. Gothel raised her on lies, so she spurns deception. But Cassandra knows the merits of protecting herself by holding her opinions in, which is where the misunderstandings occur. Rapunzel cannot trust someone who isn't completely forthright with her. She's tired of dealing with liars, and she grows afraid that Cassandra will cause her the same pain as Gothel did. But the thing is, Cassandra is not Gothel, and Rapunzel loved Gothel. She couldn't save Gothel, but maybe she can save Cassandra. It's not too late.

Rapunzel doesn't know when to give up on Cassandra because she is aware that she and Cassandra are similar people. Giving up on Cassandra would feel too much like giving up on her own hopes for a happy life. Rapunzel can't let Cassandra be unhappy. This princess cares too much, loves too hard. She never learned how to write people off because you can't survive a childhood like hers with that much cheer if you don't hang onto your optimism like a goddamn lifeline.

This is Rapunzel’s method of taking back power for herself: saving others. Rapunzel could have been Cassandra. Rapunzel is trying to believe she herself is worth saving—therefore, Cassandra must be worth saving as well. Rapunzel's significant other is giving her a stable source of love and support, but without a proper resolution to Cassandra's struggles—a final proof that despite Gothel's influence, they can both be happy—Rapunzel would feel incomplete.

The Golden Couple

At the end of the day, Rapunzel and Eugene are fundamentally good people. If it comes down to it, they would be unable to sacrifice the world for their own desires. (Eugene's thievery doesn't count as an expression of true desire because it was literally his method of survival. An expression of true, selfish desire for him might've been something like manipulation and abduction for the purposes of making people stay, but Eugene is not Gothel and he would never do that to anyone in a million years.) (On a side note, Rapunzel's selfish desire might've manifested in the abandonment of all duties and personal connections in favor of eternal exploration, or revenge towards a kingdom that failed to save her, or a thorough destruction of authority figures—but she loves people too much and would never be able to forsake her family.)

Life threw a lot of rocks at them, but these two came through it marginally well-adjusted. They affirmed their love for each other in a violent, unforgettable manner, which makes it easier for them to trust in each other's affection. Eugene would've been okay with never finding his biological father, just as Rapunzel had been okay with her biological parents' inability to protect her. They have no wish to punish the world for what they suffered. They’re content with who they are. They're just glad they made it, that they're finally allowed to love someone without being afraid. They're each other's saving grace.

The Antivillains

This is the difference between Hero and Antivillain: Cassandra and Varian are willing to punish the world for what happened to them. There’s a very faint line between justified retaliation and venting. In their desperation and anger, they cross the line, and they’re unable to stop themselves once they get going. Unlike the Golden Couple, Cassandra and Varian refuse to settle. They want what is owed. 

Also, they really, really hate themselves. (This is important.)

Varian believes Quirin is the ultimate source of affirmation. The fact that he lost his father by way of his own dangerous experiment, coupled with the fact that no one prioritizes his call for help in the face of national disaster, is enough to make him feel isolated from the world. Though he is burdened with a growing sense of remorse for his deeds, he doesn’t stop resorting to drastic, harmful measures to get his father back until he is forcefully stopped by betrayal from his allies. He finally makes the full transition from “antagonist” to “protagonist” when Rapunzel risks herself to save Quirin from the rocks. If Quirin could not be saved, there’s a possibility Varian might have stayed an antagonist, unenthusiastic though he may have been in his villainous role. As long as Quirin is trapped in those rocks, Varian remains the villain who put him there.

With Quirin safe, Varian allows himself to take huge steps in healing. He slowly rediscovers his self-worth, one that is separate from Quirin’s approval. Rapunzel—and by extension, Eugene—play the friendly, supportive role to Varian’s ingenuity, helping him along in his quest for self-acceptance. Varian still has trouble working through the heavily ingrained self-hatred, but he recovers enough confidence in his own judgment that he takes Eugene’s warning to heart and is able to install a safety device in his father’s helmet, just in case.

This is the Varian who meets Cassandra in the Tower that once belonged to Gothel. At this point in time, Cassandra has been manipulated into thinking of herself as weak and unimportant in comparison to Rapunzel. Her adoptive father, much like Quirin, was too gruff to be vocal with approvals. Her efforts have not been met with successes. She feels like a failure, and she hates feeling like a failure. This is Cassandra’s method of taking back power: by turning herself into someone unforgettable. If she can make something of herself, she’ll finally be able to prove Gothel wrong. She can be just as special as Rapunzel, if she’s given the chance. She wants that chance.

Similar to Varian, Cassandra doesn’t stop her downward spiral until her supposed ally and mentor betrays her and forcefully takes her power away. Only when there are no options left does she allow herself to admit that she was wrong. She is then rewarded for her honesty with Rapunzel’s love and trust. Armed with a new confidence, the sisters vanquish the evil together in an epic showdown that will long be remembered. Cassandra finally gets her dramatic hero’s tale.

Rapunzel and Eugene have an internal compass that lets them make snap decisions. They don’t have the healthiest self-esteem, but they can at least stand by what they think is right. Comparatively speaking, Cassandra and Varian have terrible self-esteem. They don’t trust their own judgment and are heavily influenced by outside forces. Without the constant barrage of trust and affection from Rapunzel, who is akin to a blazing sun when it comes to personal loyalty, these antivillains might never have reached their redemptive ending. They wouldn’t have been able to let go of their twisted priorities without outside influence. Can’t blame them for it, though.

It’s no surprise that Cassandra and Varian are relatable to many people. Who wouldn’t want to reclaim what was taken from them during childhood? (Of course, the problem occurs when you start hurting others to reclaim what you lost.) Their journey is a different kind of vulnerable from Rapunzel and Eugene’s journey, and it’s extraordinary in its detail. This show is essentially a long exploration of the various ways a parent can mess you up and the coping methods of kids who want to become more than their past, which is totally up my alley of expertise. I’m grateful I got to watch them grow taller than their trauma.

Finally, here’s a parting gif of Lance, because I love him and he’s a well-adjusted ray of sunshine. We all wish we could be as mentally stable as Lance—the main quartet included.

#tangled the series #rapunzel #cassandra #varian #eugene fitzherbert #character analysis #my thoughts #child abuse #trauma recovery #when the villain origin story is self-hatred

[bookwyrminspiration]

It's Nilnaea! Considering that elves physically cannot handle guilt, how did Sophie survive her first twelve years without shutting down? There's no way she could have avoided feeling guilty or remorseful over something when she was living with humans. Guilt is impossible to avoid--doubly so when she's clearly living with some pretty severe anxiety and depression. I can easily imagine her feeling guilty over causing her parents anxiety.

Not to mention, in the first book, she feels guilty over cheating on her alchemy exam without showing signs of psychic (I don't know how else to put it) strain. Do you think she could be immune to this because of her genetic engineering, or is it nature-versus-nurture? In the case of genetic engineering, the implications of the Black Swan having information that Vespera tortured humans to get is very interesting. (On that note, in Unlocked, there's a mention of Sophie wanting the Nightfall experiment information to go public. I really want that to happen!)

hello, Nilnaea! thanks for your patience as I work my way through my asks!! this is actually a question that's bugged me for a while, I've just never really talked about it, so it's nice to see someone else bringing it up! I thought it was just something no one else really cared about, as I have a tendency to focus on unimportant details.

like? humans are inevitably going to make mistakes and feel guilt over them, so it just doesn't make sense to me that Sophie could go her whole life without feeling guilty over something. Even just the idea of Elves being unable to handle guilt itself raises so many questions for me

thought: perhaps a lot of the poor behavior (judgement and scorn) exhibited by so many elves is a product of no guilt. in some situations, guilt is how you learn. intense emotional reactions and feeling remorseful for your actions can really make an impression on someone and alter their future behavior. some of the most important social lessons I learned (as someone who isn't good as socializing and frequently makes mistakes) have been through fucking up, sometimes awfully, and the resulting guilt is what prevented me from doing anything like that ever again. my inability to recognize how I affected others has severally hurt (emotionally) other people, which is why I'm so careful with what I say now. but if elves don't have that, if they're taught not to acknowledge how their action's affects make them feel, they never get that internal feedback or learning experience. so they just keep being shitty to each other eternally.

also, you're very right. she's clearly got something like anxiety/depression going on, or at the very least she's relatable to those of us who have those disorders. even just at the beginning of book one I think she felt guilty for all the stress and trouble she consistently brought to her parents as the gifted kid. she already knew how her mothers sentence would end (the "I just wish you were normal like your sister") so i'm assuming that's happened before. The guilt she'd feel just for existing differently and not understanding why (very appealing character for neurodivergent people) would be crippling. it can take so much work to look at yourself and just accept you're never going to fit in the way everyone else does, and that it's not a bad thing and you can live a perfectly fine life without fitting in like that. but especially at that age (for some reason middle school age--and specifically 7th grade) is absolute torture emotionally).

oh! i'd forgotten about the alchemy exam thing--the story has come a long way since then. I think a broken mind is both a combination of time and intensity of the guilt experienced, as Elwin said Alden's mind broke because it was so much guilt that he let fester for so long. So perhaps because she recognized the guilt and immediately rectified the situation, it wasn't there long enough for it to really impact her. But that does bring me back to the nd vibes she gives off in her childhood, as I think that's enough stress/guilt over a long enough period of time that she should've broken (shout out to anyone else whose mind would've broken as a child if they were an elf, cause I know I would've).

okay okay hang on, going back to what I was saying about guilt being a way to learn things, that could tie into your nature-vs-nurture suggestion. If sophie was raised human, she probably was taught how to manage and regulate her emotions in such a way that she could learn from her guilt and use it to better herself, because I don't believe for a second she was good in social situations and probably said some things she later felt guilty about. So perhaps her human upbringing protects her from the catastrophe that is elven guilt. But I could also see it being the genetic engineering, as she's shown to interact with emotions differently than anyone else when it comes to her inflicting. Perhaps her ability to inflict positive emotions proves that she doesn't interact with her feelings or process things in an elvin way, instead taking a human approach that protects her. Though we could also attribute that to nature vs nurture.

as for the human experiments, I think it would be super interesting to see what happens. I don't think that horrible history should be hidden or that elves should be allowed to continue to feel like they're superior, but just what would happen would be fascinating to read. it would rock the elvin world to the core, which is why Bronte said it shouldn't be released. But its also embarrasing to them, because they don't like experimenting on things. The whole thing with genetic purity and all that, so to know that it's such a huge part of their history and they actually weren't justified in cutting the humans off would be such a shift.

the classification of humans as no longer an intelligent species (which is a whole conversation on it's own) would be suddenly without reason, elves taking advantage of this power they granted themselves. i don't know if they could be reincorporated, but it would badly affect the elves. There's just so much to consider and i'm running low on time atm but this is an absolutely fascinating discussion so thank you so much for bringing it up

Nilnaea, you have some excellent observations!! thank you so much for sharing them with me!!

#if I missed a part of this idea just let me know and i'd be happy to go back to cover it!! #I have a class starting in ten minutes so I got a little distracted towards the end #but the whole concept is really interesting #both the guilt as a whole and the nightfall things #hnng so many thoughts #and sophie being relatable to nd people as well #i saw you sent me another ask about that!! or something similar to that #which I will answer!! probably after class!! #but this is so interesting I love it so much #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #quil's queries #nilnaea nonsie #long post #sophie foster #elven guilt

[fabelyn]

Equivalent Exchange

Pairing: Childe/Zhongli (chili)

Rated: T for language Warnings: spoilers for 1.1 update story Chapter: Oneshot Chapter Word Count: 2525

Link to AO3

Summary: Some would see Zhongli’s penniless state as the most pathetic oversight.

Childe sees it as an opportunity.

And maybe that’s what Zhongli is hoping for.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” Childe lies easily, having tracked his target to this location. “May I sit with you?”

He stands beside Zhongli, and is disappointed when he shows no visible reaction to finding him so close after they’d parted with no contact.

The tea table Zhongli sits on is clearly made for one, yet that doesn’t deter him from nodding and making a welcoming motion, and Childe pulls up a chair. The table is small enough that their knees are almost touching beneath it.

“I apologize, I did not realize I would have company and only ordered for myself,” Zhongli motions the leftover tea.

“I see you’re still keeping the finest of taste.”

“Shall I order more for you?”

“Hm, no it’s fine, for now.”

Zhongli smiles. “This is nice, I don't think we’ve sat down to talk since you introduced me to the Traveller.”

So, not beating around the bush too much . “Hm. We were all so busy with the…funeral arrangements.” He chuckled, and Zhongli joined in. Childe let the levity rest between them for a moment before sobering the conversation somewhat. “And I was unaware if you wanted another meal… after.”

Zhongli raises one perfect eyebrow as if completely baffled. “Now, why would that be?”

Childe couldn’t detect sarcasm in the question so he just nods. “True, you certainly did achieve success in your endeavors, so I suppose you aren’t angry with me, at the very least.”

“You sound as if your goal wasn’t reached.”

Childe shrugged. “It was, since the Tsarista was satisfied, although there was… a surprising development along the way.” I did not think I was so stupid as to be interested in the target I was using.

“Surprising development,” Zhongli quoted slowly, then smiled. “Yes, you could say I too had some of that.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes.”

Childe waited, but no further explanation was forthcoming. He shrugged, it was only fair.

“Alright, so neither of us failed. But now we no longer have need of each other. I did not think you had further interest in keeping up a sham relationship, Rex Lapis .”

Zhongli stared at him, then smiled thinly. His mannerisms were still as gentle as Childe recalled, but the look in his eyes were much sharper than before.

“A sham? And yet, you’ve come.”

“You all but called for me. I got curious.”

“Did I? I do not recall doing such a thing, as pleasant as your current company may be.”

“You told the Traveller that you, Morax , had forgotten to plan for having mora a your disposal after your defection from your Archon duties, and they mentioned such a ridictulous thing to me. And it seems others have heard a similar tale of woe from you, I not in so many words.”

“Signaling that I find myself without monetary recourse may mean I require assistance here and there, but not that you must come assist me.”

“And maybe I did not come to offer aid, much less friendship, but to simply laugh at your predicament.”

“Did you?”

“Hm, do you really have no Mora? I find it truly hard to believe that after that amusing plot you tricked me into, and successfully making a deal with the Tsarista, that you would truly not have thought such a thing through. Not to mention, your alias as Zhongli did have a job at the Funeral Parlor. A detail I cannot simply forget given that is how you roped me into contacting you before.” Childe smiles brightly.

Zhongli remains unmoved. “Perhaps after so much time as the Archon, the concept of needing currency to live had become a detail beneath me and I did not factor it.”

“Is that so?”

They stare at each other, a standoff where neither wants to be the first to cede. Childe resists the urge to laugh: it is fun to try the patience of an Archon, yet it is also so unbearably frustrating, perhaps he will lose on-

“I am not in as dire straits as I may have…. accidentally appeared to the Traveller and others.”

Childe blinks in surprise; he had not expected Zhongli to concede so quickly. Or for it not feel like he had won. 

“As you surmised earlier,” Zhongli went on, “my employment at the Funeral Parlor could always be taken up again.”

“And yet, you haven’t done so.”

“Indeed.” Zhongli drums his long fingers on the table. “Retirement does not feel right if I am simply taken up another task. Perhaps if it were something enjoyable...”

Childe is getting impatient. “Is getting on your knees enjoyable?” He asks, wondering if the language was too crude for the likes of Rex Lapis to understand.

Zhongli raises an eyebrow, Childe decides to explain.

“The two women who helped pay for you this week, surely you have not become so old as to not understand what they were asking for as gratitude?”

Zhongli’s reply is completely out of Childe’s expectation.

“Why do you assume I would be on my knees?” He asks simply, and, before Childe can recover from that, continues. “And why does that interest you? Is that what you’d ask as payment for helping me now? Oh, pardon me, you implied you only came to laugh at my predicament, not help.”

Childe can simply agree and excuse himself. End this and leave. But if he had wanted nothing, he wouldn’t have come in the first place.

“Did I imply that? I think you misunderstood. I did come to help you after all. Although, naturally, I should have some equivalent compensation, especially since, from my understanding, this monetary aid would prolong itself as you have no interest in getting a job any time soon.”

Zhongli’s perfect poise slips a little, almost as if his shoulders have sagged in relief.

For the first time in… possibly, ever, Childe feels a twinge of what may be guilt. Spurned by Zhongli’s surprising candor, he decides it might be best, afterall, to not trick the... man... further.

“Rex Lapis, Zhongli, I’m not sure you realize who you’re after.”

“Childe, Tartaglia , a Harbinger from Snezhnaya, correct?”

Childe’s fingers twitch at the name coming from Zhongli’s lips. “Our previous camaraderie was all but manufactured so I could attain my results. Had my Tsarista not demanded subtlety and diplomacy, I wouldn’t have sought out the Funeral Parlor, and simply brought pandemonium to Liyue from the get go. I’m not the affable young lordling I acted as. Even the youngest Harbinger is still a Harbinger. I attacked the Traveller, I nearly brought destruction to Liyue, and I regret nor apologize for either. The precious friend you made before, he doesn’t exist.

“However, in acknowledgement of our good… ah… companionship thus far, I suggest you reconsider, and leave.”

It’s actually insane that, after everything, he came to Zhongli to simply allow him to leave when the man had all but tactidly said he’d sell his body to Childe. 

But from the moment he had sat so near Zhongli he realized he could no longer wear a mask, not for this. He could not see himself starting anything with the man while not being himself.

And he knows he won’t bear rejection well if their acquaintanceship goes further.

Zhongli stares at him, then begins chuckling.

“Oh, it seems I came here not to laugh at you, but to be laughed at.”

“Pardon my manners, but really, I never expected such silly words from you.”

“Silly?”

“Hm, yes. Let’s see. First of all, the cute persona-”

“...Cute?”

“-You crafted as Childe here in Liyue, while it may have been a performance sufficient enough to trick mere mortals, was hardly that convincing to me. I could see the look in your eyes even as you smiled. I never expected you to be a gentle soul. And as for what you tried to unleash, your glee towards it all, and your lack of remorse now… I see it all, I have lost my gnosis not my eyes. Childe, Tartaglia, whatever name you give yourself, I am pursuing you, not your disguise.”

Zhongli raises a hand as if to stop Childe from interrupting. Childe, however, had no such plans.

“That said, underestimating my observational skills is not enough to make me laugh. What dumbfounds me, yet touches me at the same time, is that you just said you’ll allow me to leave, and I think you mean truly meant that.”

“What about that?”

“Were you aware that I was offered a bonus for my willing compliance towards my end of the bargain?”

Childe blinks. He had not, and shakes his head, confused at the sudden turn.

“Very well. it so happened that this boon would have been to… interestingly enough… deny a request you had made, just after everything was over. I refused it, naturally, else you would not be here.”

Childe stiffens, and Zhongli’s smile widens.

“As you said, even the youngest Harbinger is still a Harbinger. It is unthinkable that they would waste one of their most precious resources staying in Liyue and not going elsewhere to further your Tsarista’s objective. It would be quite the demotion, your staying here, if not for the fact you requested it.”

Childe tries to laugh it off. “I-”

“Pardon me, but I’m not done. Of course, as strange as it is, there are maybe some reasons for it. Spying on the Qixing and the nearby Mondstat. Planning or organizing a future invasion. Certainly there are excuses that could be sufficient enough to make it seem that you truly had no other motive to stay here, other than to serve.”

“Precisely, so-”

“Still not done,” Zhongli says, voice a little deeper, stricter, and Childe finds himself shutting his mouth in too much excited obedience at the tone. Zhongli pauses, as if gauging Childe’s reaction, but then continues. “I waited to see if you would come to reacquaint ourselves, for the sake of your new task. You did not. So I may have made comments to the Traveller and others mentioning a monetary predicament, to see if you would come then. You still did not. However… two interesting things happened, do you know what they are?”

Childe just stares. Surely Zhongli doesn’t know-

“The first kind lady that offered mora in exchange for ah… in your words “me on my knees” was sadly caught in bed by her husband with another man.”

Oh Tsarista, Zhongli knows.

“The other one… a fire consumed parts of her home -a candle gone wrong, such a normal thing- and while she is fine and not in any trouble, she no longer can afford to spend money on others, at least not for a while.”

At Childe’s continued silence, Zhongli leans forward, reaches across the table and tucks an errant lock of hair behind Childe’s ear.

It takes all of Childe’s restraint not to lift his hand to where he was touched.

“Perhaps a gentler, humbler, soul than I would simply assume coincidence. But I am not that humble, and I recall the look in your eyes. So it amuses me that here and now, you offer me freedom from you, yet you’ve been quite keen to stay near and ruin any chances I may have of leaning on other people. You claim I don’t know what I want, but it seems to me you are the one unsure.”

Childe opens his mouth, closes it, then throws caution to the wind. “Being willful is my forte,” he says with a small laugh to be master of himself again. “I didn’t like where that was going, so I cut it short with those women. But I’ve concluded I don’t want to live more of a farce than I already do, so I don’t want anything with you where I have to pretend to be, well, not me.”

“You wouldn’t have to.”

And Childe truly believes it. And because he does, he says something he had never expected to.

“But you know, paying for your lifestyle for an indefinite amount of time will be too costly. Make I should demand your heart along with your body?”

It’s cheesy but it does the trick. Finally it seems he has managed to disconcert Zhongli, who clearly had not expected Childe to say something so outrageous. Childe laughs, because he hadn’t expected it either.

Zhongli recovers spectacularly fast. “Well now, I think the grace of having the former Geo Archon’s body at your command is recompense enough.”

“Oho, so now you abruptly understand the value of money?”

“No such thing, it’s just that even someone so out of tune as I can tell this transaction of yours is too one sided.”

“So, after all of…” Childe waves at the table between them, “whatever this conversation was, is that where we stop? Your body and nothing else?”

Well, not that Childe, who had been bracing for less than that, wasn’t happy , he simply wasn’t satiated.

“Hm… I never said that. I simply don’t believe mora is sufficient.”

The electricity that’s coursing through him almost feels like Childe had accidentally ignited his Delusion. He tries not to shiver and remain composed. “Fair enough. Then, oh mighty Rex Lapis, what price would you place on your heart?”

Maybe this had all been another carefully crafted ploy by the Archon, and he was planning to entice Childe into obedience, or reveal Snezhaya’s secrets-

“Hm, I believe this sort of transaction can only be done if the same thing is exchanged in return.”

Childe blinks. 

Oh. 

He really should have seen that one coming, shouldn't he?

He can simply lie. But he won’t.

Hesitant for the first time, he looks down at the empty cup between them, and reaches out to play with it. “... That would be tricky. I don’t know if my… if what I have to offer has the same value of yours.” And because he really can’t seem to stop running his mouth today, he dares add. “It might even be more than yours. Or. Or maybe less, of course.”

Zhongli’s hand reaches out lightning fast to hold his own over the table.

“I highly doubt that,” he says softly. “However, we can put that part of the deal on hold for now and discuss the, ah, terms and values at a later time. Unless this needs to be a package for you?”

Childe snorts, no longer discomfited, but finds himself turning his hand to properly hold Zhongli’s. “Oh please, what kind of fool would throw away this deal? Alright, so according to our deal, you’re mine-”

“My body, for now. Don’t try to trick the God of Contracts so brazenly.”

“I am brazen, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. But fine. And in turn I am your walking wallet.”

“Are you not going to put a limit to how much I can demand from you?”

“Are you?”

“I can handle anything.”

“So long as you can, my wallet will handle your demands. And. I don’t see my tasks here in Liyue ending anytime soon, so we can discuss the rest later.”

“We have a contract, then. Ah, could you kindly start by dealing with this meal?”

“Certainly, but you’re following me tonight.”

*

*

*

Notes:

I did this in a feverish state after the new storyline dropped (this was posted to ao3 yesterday), so apologies if it's not that good. I did consider trying to extend it a bit so it did not feel too fast, but the last time I tried doing a "long oneshot" things, ah, backfired into a massive WIP and I did not want that again.

I hope it wasn't too bad. I've never written for this fandom before, so I don't know if I got them down correctly. My main concern was Childe, who to me comes of as slightly sadistic and I could see him being the possessive sort, if he ever came to care about anything. Plus he is unrepetant in his crimes.

#genshin impact #chili #childe #zhongli #childe/zhongli #childe x zhongli #my fic

[theboywantscoffee]

The Handler is really a fascinating character to me as is her dynamic with Five and how alike they are. Get ready because I’m gonna go on a tangent about them.

I think it goes without saying that in many ways The Handler and Five are very similar people. They’re both pragmatic, goal orientated, cold, and quite simply, both willing to do absolutely anything needed to achieve what they want despite the repercussions others might face at their expense. They both lack a significant level of humanity, something that clearly is a requirement  to be able to do the work they do/did at the Commission. They are constantly at a battle of wits  and attempting to one up the other, both proving to be a formidable foil to the other consistently throughout the show. 

Where things start to contrast between the two is how they grew to be the people they are now. With Five, well, we know why he is the way he is. Five isn’t simply just a product of his childhood. Yes, he still retains a good level of characteristics from his youth into adulthood (arrogant, brash, sees himself as better than everyone else) but Five ultimately was sculpted into the man he is today due to his time subjected to the apocalypse and then shortly after, the Commission. 

The apocalypse did a number on Five. It isolated him for over four decades. It tore layer after layer of humanity away from him until he was left so distanced from other people that segueing into becoming an assassin was like second nature. It forced him to become entirely dependent on himself for survival in every aspect of the word. Physically, of course, he had to take care of all his basic survival needs; food, water, shelter, first aid, etc. Mentally and emotionally? He created a whole ‘nother person in the form of a mannequin to help him retain any semblance of either of those things. It damaged Five so deeply that afterwards he was left almost entirely incapable of empathy (key word, almost), unable to ask others for help/acknowledge he needs help, and able to see assassination as a reasonable means to justify an end. 

Five was left broken by the apocalypse. He is a product of it. And after going through that traumatic ordeal, he was offered a way out but only through accepting employment at the organization that sat by and allowed his suffering to go on for decades. (I’d love to go into the body modifications/DNA manipulation but that isn’t canon compliant for the show anyway (yet) so I won’t). He was transformed into the perfect killing machine. He took the lives of anyone and everyone who stood out of line by the Commission’s standards. Many who I’m sure weren’t actually bad people (ex, Lila’s parents), but because they were deemed irregularities in the timeline (or they were someone who The Handler could benefit from their death, ex Lila’s parents), they had to go. One doesn’t complete a task like that regularly without lacking a level of morality or connection to fellow humankind. 

But The Handler? We don’t really know her back story at all, so perhaps this is going out on a limb here, but I can at the very least say that she did not go through what Five did. There is really no one in the series whose backstory can equate to Five’s. And while I am not entirely excusing Five for being a shitty person sometimes, he and The Handler are very different in the fact that while he was sculpted into one, I think The Handler was just born an awful, monstrous human being. Actually worse than Five. And you know why?

The Handler isn’t even capable of love or empathy or putting anyone else before herself. We don’t see this at all, not even once. The Handler does things strictly for the benefit of herself and no one else. Even when her own self proclaimed daughter asks her if she ever loved her, The Handler doesn’t answer and then proceeds to murder her. Que sera, sera. (Whatever will be, will be). No remorse. No regret. Nothing.

Five, for all of his faults and flaws and uh, murder, still remains more connected to humanity than The Handler. Despite everything he has experienced, everything he has lost, he still has an inkling of heart that’s still beating for others left in him. Because Five still does love and care for people - his entire life purpose is to keep those people, his family, safe and alive, even at the expense of his own happiness and life. Five puts his family before himself every episode, every damn step of the way. He survives 40+ years alone and then works as an assassin for an unspoken measurement of time, all to save his family. 

The Handler throws up the front of being a people person and charming. And she does it really damn well. But in reality she is not morally gray. She doesn’t do some good things and some awful things. She is just all around horrible. She employs Five, again, to work for the organization that tore so much away from him. She dangles the idea of a new body before him, gives him a suit with the claim, “clothing make the man, Five,” as if he isn’t something to be taken seriously in his current physical state, as if he still isn’t the man who survived a lifetime in the end of the world and becoming an assassin. She claims that Five owes her because she ‘saved him from a lifetime of being alone’, which in actuality she watched and allowed him to suffer exactly just that. (I have another meta on here about that scene in particular, which you can read HERE). She tricks Five into murdering the board so she can assume power, all under the guise of claiming to help him get his family back to 2019, only to then use him as a scapegoat in their assassination. She literally kills him (almost) and all of his siblings. She writes the kill order on Lila’s parents, lets Five kill them, and then kidnaps Lila all for her own benefit. She continuously lies to her, ultimately betrays her, and kills her too. She sees zero wrongness in kidnapping a disabled boy from his mother so she can transform him into her weapon just like she did Lila. There isn’t a single instance in the entirety of the show where The Handler shows even an ounce of regret, only shock and anger when things don’t go her way. She is power hungry, merciless, and quite possibly even deranged with how unemotive she is towards other human beings.

And one more thing I want to touch on with The Handler that is a bit of a controversial topic in the show - her handsey-ness with Five. Her unnecessary touching and closeness. I am a firm non believer of the idea many have that her and Five used to be involved romantically or physically in any way. I think it’s quite a reach to imagine Five trusting her whatsoever at any point during their time knowing one another. Five is observant as hell and smart - I just can’t see him ever having an ounce of trust in her, especially with again, how she blatantly admits to him when they first meet that the Commission has been watching him for some time. So no, I don’t think her creepy touches with him have anything to do with a former fling (even if Kate or Aidan play into it that way or claim they might have in the past - sorry, headcanon not accepted lol). 

I view her behavior as demeaning. I see it as her being condescending towards him, like, “Oh, see how you betrayed me and now look at how you fucked up. Small and weak and nothing to be taken seriously.” She treats him like the tiny child he has physically become and she does it to make him feel inferior and like he has no control of the situation he is in or his life. It’s a slap in the face, a reminder of what he has done to himself because he left the Commission, and she does it because she knows how much it bothers him to be perceived that way. Everything she does and says around Five, she does to make him feel small. 

All in all, I really do love The Handler. Do I love that she played a larger role in season 2 than Carmichael? Absolutely not. I don’t love what her character did for the writing or the plot of the show and how it backburnered a lot of things. I think they missed out greatly on a character who was already a fascinating antagonist to Five (Carmichael). However, Kate Walsh is an absolute delight to watch on screen. Her and Aidan have great chemistry and play off one another very well and their scenes are certainly some of my most favorite to watch. I think The Handler is an amazing villain and keeping her as a female as opposed to a male Jon Hamm esque actor as they originally were intending to do was a great idea IMO. I love a female bad ass, even if she is a villain. I’m sad we won’t see more of her purely because she is so fun to watch (and her wardrobe is utter goals) but I’m definitely ready to move on to the next set of antagonists for our favorite dysfunctional family.

#the handler #five hargreeves #number five #tua #the umbrella academy #meta #kate walsh is still a fuckin queen

[cfdiamonds]

[ ARON PIPER, CIS GENDERED MAN, HE/HIM ] shh ! LEOCADIO SYNDER, the TWENTY-TWO year old SECOND year ECONOMICS major from MADRID, SPAIN, is known as a DIAMOND around here. HE was invited to join because OF HIS PERSISTENCE AND HIS FATHER WAS IN THE SOCIETY, and now, they’re here to stay. HE reminds me of A LEGION OF STAFF CONSTANTLY AT YOUR SERVICE, A WARDROBE FILLED WITH THE FINEST MATERIAL, + EXPENSIVE RINGS ON EACH OF HIS FINGERS.

helloooo!!  it’s been a long time coming but i’m finally excited to be here and join in on this super cool story the admins and all of you have created! i’m lia, i’m 23 and i go by she/her and they/them pronouns, so feel free to use either of them. i was going to make a graphic and a google doc but i’ve got plans with my family to watch a movie tonight, so until i can make the time i hope his app is enough! 

a past and character reflection.

you were born into success and luxury, the only child of two glencore billionaires — a diversified natural resource company. the synders are responsible for the marketing of lead and make a little over a billion dollars each year. all they’ve ever known was their jobs and their money, leaving little room for anything more than that, especially the addition of a child. the nannies changed your diapers and the maid picked up your toys, while the butler handled the broken glass splayed across the marble flooring from one of your daily tantrums. they bit their tongues because you were raised to view yourself as extraordinary living in a world of the ordinary. despite this, these people meant more to you than the ones who brought you into the world. you had a mother that asked you how your day went and then immediately turned her attention back to her phone or laptop, checking off that mental to-do-list that made her believe the question was enough effort. you had a father that saw you as weak and continuously pushed you past your limits, focusing on every little flaw you had and giving you no choice but to be better. you became so conflicted between your drive to be the best and your need for love, that anger became your method of coping. even the lightest of offenses were met with your spite and you glorified material things as if it were the only thing that mattered in the world. even at the tender age of ten, power was the one thing that kept you driven.

growing up, you never had any real or close friendships. the people that you called your friends were just more people that you could benefit from — the children from rich and influential families that spanned the globe. regardless of your rude and cold exterior, they still found reason to look up to you like you were their leader, be it an inheritance from your father’s charisma or your mother’s sophistication — because everything you had, you had to thank them for right? you knew exactly how to draw people in and use them until you didn’t need them anymore, kicking them to the curb the second their time ran out. the kids that excelled in school got you the highest grade, the kids that excelled in sports helped you become captain of their teams, and the kids that assisted you in breaking the rules always took the fall. and yet, no matter how hard you proved yourself as this apex predator, your parents saw you as inferior. they always told you to work smarter not harder, but when you did, it still wasn’t enough. what more could you take from the world? it had nothing left to give you.

the next chapter in your life became your second chance to prove yourself, but this time with a different method to your persistence. just as your parents did, you’d build yourself from the ground up, not taking whatever you wanted but fighting to obtain it. you already had the determination to do what had to be done to reach your goals, now all you needed to do was make it yourself. you enter your first year at strathmore university and you never take what you need to succeed, you push yourself until you earn it. every time the fates fight against you and you feel hopeless in meeting these high expectations you and your parents have made for you, you grasp onto the anguish of that ten year old boy yearning for approval and press forward with your strength. you still hold onto that cunning aspect of your character but this time, it’s something you keep hidden beneath the surface — away from prying eyes. you slip up once or twice, but it’s never enough to allow others to see you for who you truly are. you join several clubs even though you barely have the time, slipping your name into the minds of those spanning the entirety of the campus. you maintain one of the highest grades in your classes through dedication and hard work, scoffing at the students that request your assistance … they don’t deserve your help. not now anyway. not while you fight to be noticed in a place filled to the brim with excellent minds. not while you await your invitation to the society, the first step at proving that you can be great just like them. just like your parents.

on the society

upon arriving at strathmore university, leo became obsessive in his studies and joined many clubs to assist in his quest of standing out amongst the other first years. unbeknownst to many though, he also did this in hopes of earning a spot in the secret society. this is because his father had been in the society when he was young and in order to prove his potential, this was an organization he knew he had to be involved in. despite not knowing what the society was like or what they were about, he knew that they existed because of his father but that’s the extent of his knowledge on it.

when he was finally given his chance thanks to the diamond opal, leo became passionate about his spot and willing to do whatever means necessary to keep his spot. he takes advice willingly ( but goes against it if he believes they’re wrong ) and pushes to lead in some situations, not letting anyone or anything stand in the way of his goals. although he mainly does everything for his parents, whether they will ever notice or not, it is also for himself and his desire to be something great ( something he outwardly believes he already is but has struggled with internally for a long time ). leo wants to be the best prodigy and opal that the society has ever seen, and visualizes himself as the diadem when he builds himself up to that point.

when it comes to poppy nighmore, leo is more intrigued than he is worried about the reason for her disappearance. if those within the society that knew poppy are upset about her disappearance, leo is willing to take initiative in trying to solve the mystery. he will take risks and push limits in order to find information, but does so for selfish gain than anything else. he believes that he may prove himself as a worthy and necessary addition to the opal society if he continues researching and physically proving he cares. it also gives him a chance to show the others that he is capable of big things.

wanted connections.

as i read about your characters i’ll be able to generate a bit more ideas when directly plotting with each of you! these are just the ideas i have coming into the group, so if you do not see your character fitting them, worry not! we can brainstorm<3

his soft spot — the person that leo can’t seem to say no to no matter how hard he tries. his entire life he has felt little to no remorse in his conquest for power, no matter who he trampled along the way but suddenly, out of nowhere, the world presented him with this person and every time they’re around, every ounce of him becomes vulnerable. when they tell him to do something or to behave a certain way, he seldom disobeys. if they happen to be in the room when he’s behaving as he normally does, he avoids their eyes in fear of backing down. in a way, this person in his anchor that protects him from himself.

his adversary  — the person that gives leo a run for his money, testing him and pushing him every step of the way. they bear too many similarities to get along and compete over even the littlest of things. when one says yes, the other says no. the steve rogers to his tony stark. the thor to his loki.

fellow rich kids — those he knew by association prior to strathmore university or the society. they all understand each other because they grew up in similar conditions, where material things were the forms of love they received as children. they understand the lifestyle and flock together, regardless of whether or not they actually like each other. they board a private jet and escape real life for a weekend, only to return like nothing had happened come monday morning.

his best friend — leo doesn’t know it yet, perhaps neither of them do, but this person is his best friend. close relationships of any kind are foreign concepts to leo because he had, in his opinion, more important things to focus on as he grew up. love doesn’t exist in his world. so by his words, he trusts this person the most and is constantly inviting them around with him. he would never call it as it is in fear of cutting them loose and never feeling an ounce of remorse, but he’s acknowledged it in his head once or twice. this person is like the sibling he’s never had.

his mistake — in leo’s first year, he befriended this person and the pair eventually started to see each other romantically. however, leo wronged them somehow and now that he’s in the society with them, he realizes how big of a mistake he made hurting them. perhaps he fell back into old habits and made their acquaintance with the intention of gaining something, maybe in a class or by their personal influence in the world / at school, and they eventually found out about it. just an angsty exes plot.

his mentor — the diamond that took him as their prodigy. leo takes the dynamic between them incredibly serious and is willing and ready to do whatever they ask of him in order to prove they made the right choice taking him under their wing. he understands that his place in the society must not be taken for granted and so he treats it as a passion, rather than just another club around campus. he rarely does something society related without first receiving the opinion of the opal, but he also would ignore their opinion if he feels they are the one that’s wrong. this is business as usual and leo is their prodigy knowing that if all goes as planned, he will have their seat in the future.

#𝓁𝑒𝑜𝒸𝒶𝒹𝒾𝑜 𝓈𝓎𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 〳 ⑉ introduction. #opalsintro #i sweat i'll have a stats / more in depth bio / wanted connection list soon okay #and by sweat i mean swear #sweating too though because all of you are so cool ? catch my leg on fire more like catch my heart on fire #nobody read these tags

[marshyswagswag]

Intrusive Chapter 1:

I’ve decided to start a new series where I turn the screenplay I’m writing into a piece of more traditional writing because I think a lot of people on here would enjoy it!

It’s based around FBI agents, slow burn, kinda angsty and I try to add a touch of comedy just to level out the sadness :)

Here we go...hope you enjoy!! :)

Word count: 2.2K

Characters: Callie Keys, Jacob Stevens and Ian Fender (all my original characters)

Whatever shell remains of Jacob Stevens sits slumped in the passenger seat of Callie's car. He doesn’t bother to look her way as she talks at him; ranting about her day and the new case she’d been assigned to work on.

After leaving the FBI last spring, he could care less for any sort of conversation around the subject, yet he would never tell that to Callie. He lets her drone on about whatever case she’s working on or maybe even one that one of her colleagues was working.

Stevens squints his eyes, making the streetlights dance in the dark. He’d done this since he was a child; he had many tricks like this up his sleeve. They came from years of dissociating from his surroundings and ignoring whatever was being said to him.

“The director assigned me to the case. My success rate was high last year.” Callie drones, fully aware that Stevens won’t acknowledge her.

Stevens picks at his fingernails, smelling the bleach and hand sanitizer residue from his lab coat. His feet ached from standing all day and his eyes could barely stay open. 

It’s sad to say but this was his routine. Escaping from work half-alive, Callie acting as his chauffeur, choking down what he could into his exhausted body then collapsing in his bed for upwards of ten hours. 

Today was one of the long days at the lab. It was a fight to keep his eyes open in the darkroom as he tested for traces of blood and developed film found at a crime scene. 

It would be better if he lived alone, he thought as Callie turned down the final street in their journey home.

Stevens doesn't see it, but soon after the gentle sway of the car, there’s a crash.

Both of their bodies are jolted forward, the crash not severe enough for the airbags to deploy. Callie throws one arm in front of Stevens’ chest as a suburban mom might do, not being of much help. 

“Are you okay?” Stevens shouts anxiously.

“I’m fine, you?”

“What did we crash into?” Stevens asks as if the haziness was from the crash.

“I don’t know.” Callie says, “Grab my bag.”

Stevens unbuckles his seatbelt before reaching into the back seat of the sedan. He struggles to find Callies black duffle bag in the dark car, but eventually is able to grasp it, feeling the hard polyester on his stiff hands.

Once given the bag, Callie calmly rifles through it to locate her gun and flashlight. She barely mutters an apology when her flashlight shines right in Stevens’ face.

Stevens gets out his phone flashlight, which is dim compared to Callie’s, but is still fully functional.

They both get out of the car, silently, years and years of working together preparing them for this moment.

With their backs to either side of the car, the two begin to survey the dark area, uncovering their surroundings. Directly in front of their car is another; no sign of functional head or tail lights, bumper to bumper. 

Callie’s flashlight illuminates a short, red-haired man assessing the damage done to his car. She recognizes him immediately. 

Stevens turns on Callie’s brights and begins to walk down the street; seeing what must be at least five cars piled up, bumper to bumper.

“Ian?” Callie calls, the man meeting her in between their two cars.

“How fucking ironic, right?” He calls back, unable to take his eyes off Stevens who is still assessing the situation.

“Why are your tail lights out?”

“They weren’t when I left. I must not have seen them go out.” Ian says casually, obviously unaffected by this.

“It looks to be a five-car pile up.” Stevens reveals, standing next to Callie and actively ignoring Ian.

“Dr. Jacob Stevens, this is Special Agent Ian Fender.” Callie says, with a smile almost hidden behind the stress. 

“Ironic, right?” Ian asks. 

Stevens nods, giving him a faux smile to hide his disinterest. 

Immediately after the introduction, Stevens heads back into his own world, treating the scene like an investigation. 

He walks through the pile of cars; all bumper to bumper, seemingly attached in some way. Callie’s car is the only one with headlights and the drivers at the front of the crash have already left. 

The car at the  front of the crash is pulled up to the stoplight. The passenger was probably waiting at a red light when the second car came and drove right into it. 

Stevens could see insurance information written on a sticky note on the windshield of the first car. Maybe the driver wasn’t in the car at the time of the crash, but that seemed unlikely. 

The second car had no insurance information to be found. 

It’s plausible that this is all a big coincidence, but the lump in his throat suggests otherwise. 

The second car's tail lights are either off or not functional, but before Stevens can check them, he’s interrupted. 

“Doctor, huh?” A voice calls from behind him. 

Stevens turns around to find Ian approaching him from behind. 

All Stevens can manage to choke out is a hesitant “Yeah.” 

“Left your job at the FBI to work forensics?” Ian asks genuinely. 

“It seems you know me, but I don’t know you.” Stevens remarks, continuing his investigation. Still, Ian follows him. 

“I’m Callie’s partner on the Wanaka case,” Ian adds, “I used to work forensics too.”

Stevens stops at this addition, relaxing a bit. “Forensic scientist to profiler.” Stevens asserts on behalf of Ian. 

“Tech analyst, actually.”

Stevens gets a bitter taste in his mouth, the kind you get with an old memory you’d rather forget. 

Stevens pauses again; almost like he’s going to say something, but he stays quiet. 

He looks at his phone; 10:30, it’s no use staying here. 

“Nice meeting you, Ian.” Stevens mumbles, making his way back to Callie’s car. 

“You as well.” Ian replies in a bad Australian accent. 

“We’re lucky to be close to home.” Callie says, taking her phone away from her ear, “All of the tow trucks are out of service after 10.”

Stevens nods, collecting his belongings from the back seat. Callie does the same. 

Stevens’ eyes are wide open now though his stride is still fatigued. His clothes are beginning to feel irritable and the weight of his messenger bag makes his shoulders droop. 

“Fender!” Callie calls as her and Stevens make their way towards their apartment. 

“What’s up?” He answers. 

Stevens takes the lead with his flashlight; Callie knowing it’d be idiotic to sport her gun on the street in the middle of the night. 

“How far is your place?” She calls again even though Ian isn’t too far. 

Ian calculates, looking around at the street signs, “About six miles. Any luck getting a tow?”

“They’re closed after 10.” Callie says with remorse in her voice; “You can crash with us, our apartments only a block up.”

Ian laughs at ‘crash’ before hesitantly agreeing; “Let me grab my bag.”

Stevens and Callie stand next to Ian’s car, waiting while he rifles through the mess inside. 

Out of courtesy, Stevens shines his flashlight in Ian’s direction, revealing a long blood stain running down the left leg of Ian’s grey slacks. 

Stevens jumps back, his eyes widening. Callie takes notice of this too, walking to Ian and whispering something in his ear. Stevens pretends to be on his phone and not listening to their hushed conversation. 

He can’t make it out, but Ian sighs angrily at whatever Callie whispered to him. He takes a moment before rifling through his car once again. He moves slower and more shakily. 

“I think there’s a clinic a couple blocks up—I don’t think any of us can drive you—“ Stevens stutters once Callie and Ian join him on the sidewalk. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Ian interrupts, “I cut my leg on some brush today; it’s an old stain.”

Stevens nods, reading Ian’s fast paced movements as embarrassment. 

The three walk in the moonlight towards Callie and Stevens’ apartment.

Ian spent the walk explaining how he crashed; he was pulling up to the stoplight when he bumped into a car in front of him that had no tail lights. It was completely dark even though it was only 9:30 and the driver in front of him had already left. 

Stevens and Callie’s apartment is small, sporting only two bedrooms, a bathroom and a kitchen. The interior design had been mostly up to Callie, though Stevens initially called the shots. 

The apartment looked typical for two 25 year olds. There’s a couch, coffee table, and TV but not much furniture beyond that. There’s a bookcase that’s only filled about half way and instead of a dining room or kitchen table there are three barstools set up in the kitchen. 

The fridge fit the same stereotype. Milk, cream cheese, maybe some fruit, but nothing else perishable. On the contrary, the freezer was stocked full with frozen meals. 

“Jacob, can you get Ian some clothes to change into?”

Stevens nods, guiding Ian into his bedroom. 

Stevens’ room told the story of someone who hadn’t lived there long, though that was mostly untrue. He had a mattress with no bed frame, a cardboard box as a nightstand and a lamp, but little else. 

His closet was perfectly arranged and neat, his bed made messily with a calendar next to it. 

Stevens gestures to Ian, suggesting he can pick out whatever he wants from the closet. 

Rather than hover over him, Stevens takes a sweatshirt and sweatpants for himself and changes in the bathroom. 

Callie is standing in the kitchen on her phone, eating peanut butter from a bowl when he comes out. 

“Ian; do you want to go over some case notes?” Callie asks.

Stevens sits down at a barstool, trying to finish his bowl of cereal as fast as possible. 

“Won’t be able to sleep, anyway.” He answers, walking out of Stevens’ room.  Stevens’ zip-up hoodie and flannel pants barely fit him; Stevens standing almost five inches taller than Ian. 

Stevens allows Ian to take his spot at the breakfast bar, putting his dish in the dishwasher. 

“Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes, Jake.” Ian says with a mouth full of peanut butter. 

Stevens pauses at “Jake”.  Nevertheless, he pulls himself together and callis back; “No problem” with the last of his energy. 

“‘Night, Jacob.” Callie calls. He gives her a wave. 

Before he reaches his bedroom he hears Ian ask Callie for something to which she replies “Under the sink.”

Lying restlessly in his bed, he half expects to hear Callie and Ian making out, but instead the night is filled with conversation; both serious and lighthearted. 

From the moment Stevens is conscious the next morning, he can feel his heavy body stiffening. His eyes are almost glued shut and his face is wet with tears. 

He decides to ignore the pain, walking out of his room on autopilot. 

Stevens looks at the couch; Ian’s make-shift bed already cleaned up. His blanket is folded, pillow on top. 

Already full of energy, Ian greets him in the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee. “You look like you need it,” he jokes. 

“Thanks, Ian.” Stevens says, noting the empty cup of coffee in the seat next to him, probably Callie’s, “How long did you guys stay up?”

“We crashed around 1am. It’s a tough case.”

“I’ve heard.” Stevens drones, upset he has to endure a conversation about the work he left. 

“Yeah. I’m supposed to go down there today to check out the security cameras, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be going anywhere.”

“Mm.” Stevens mumbles, barely able to process Ian’s words until his second cup of coffee which he makes sure to thank him for. 

Callie emerges from her room, fully dressed and ready for the day, yelling at Stevens to get dressed. 

Stevens goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

He stares at his face in the mirror: dry and swollen. His eyes droop lower than usual, the bags under them starting to gain definition. 

Stevens bites his lip, frosting his toothbrush and nearly choking on the overpowering toothpaste. 

He leans against the wall as he brushes his teeth; taking notice of the box of tampons next to the toilet and the Advil on the counter. 

After he’s brushed his teeth, Stevens pops an Advil into his mouth, swallowing it along with water in his cupped hand. 

The three of them walk back to the pileup, this time in broad daylight.

Callie and Ian try to tell Stevens some story about some case they worked on a few months ago, but all Stevens can do is watch Ian fiddle with his outfit; borrowed from Stevens. 

The pants nearly fall right off of him, barely held up by his belt. Good thing he didn’t need shoes. Ian’s wearing glasses today; similar to the wire ones Stevens wears on a daily basis. He must wear contacts, Stevens thinks. 

They all stop when they get to the scene; Stevens the last to look up. 

The pileup looks artificial. Lime green spikes impaled into the tail lights of each car. Well, each car except Callie and Stevens’. 

Shielding his eyes from the sun, Ian looks to Callie. He knows they’re nothing thinking the same thing. 

This was a set-up.

#original character #writer #writing #lgbtq characters #lgbtq fics #lgbtq story #fbi fic #fbi #i'm so excited #slow burn #angsty #these tags are cringe #writing feedback #writing fanfic #thank you for reading

[cosmicjoke]

Garden of Light and the Processing of Grief

Well, I’ve finally done it.  I’ve reached the final conclusion of the story of Banana Fish, and all it’s characters.  Man, I’m emotional.  

Just like with Angel Eyes, I feel like there’s so much to explore and unpack regarding Garden of Light.  But I want to focus on the main theme which runs through it, which is the weight of sorrow, and the processing of grief and guilt.

I want to actually talk about how the sorrow, grief and guilt we see both Eiji and Sing consumed by throughout this story relates back to Ash, and not simply in terms of the loss of Ash being the cause of those emotions for Eiji and Sing, but how, I think, it maybe led the two of them to eventually better understanding and accepting Ash’s death, and thus, processing and freeing themselves from their own pain.

Midway through the story, Sing seems really angry and overcome with guilt over the death of Ash, and in particular, how that death has affected and changed Eiji.  He’s angry AT Ash for dying, almost as if he thinks Ash died on purpose so he could forever possess Eiji’s soul.  He wants Ash to let Eiji go, so that Eiji can be happy again.  And this actually relates directly back to Sing’s own pain and grief and sense of guilt, his own inability to let go of what happened, to let go of his guilt for, he thinks, letting Lao attack Ash in the first place.  I think Sing is blaming himself, ultimately, for the pain Eiji is in, because he thinks it’s his fault that Lao attacked Ash, indirectly making Ash’s death Sing’s fault.  It’s a really interesting reaction on Sing’s part then, the anger he expresses towards Ash, because I don’t think he’s actually truly angry at Ash at all.  He’s angry at himself.  He’s angry that he let this happen, that he didn’t talk to Lao when he had the chance to prevent this awful tragedy.  He blames himself, then, for Eiji’s unhappiness.

Sing says “It’s been long enough Ash.  You hear me?  Let Eiji go now.  If you don’t let him go- he’ll never be happy again.  I need him to be happy.  Because until he is, I can’t...”

He trails off then, because I don’t think Sing can bring himself to say the words.  Until Eiji is happy, Sing can’t ever be happy either.  He can’t ever let go of his own grief and guilt.  He can’t ever forgive himself for what’s happened.

We later learn from Eiji that he always knew about the letter, and how it led to Ash’s death.  He confesses to Sing that he’s always known, and that he let Sing suffer the weight of that horrible secret because he himself couldn’t bear the weight of his own guilt, his own sense of responsibility for Ash’s death, instead choosing to focus on hating Lao, and letting Sing carry the burden of that guilt.

Both of these reactions, Sing’s anger at Ash for still meaning so much to Eiji, for still having such a strong hold on him, that hold seeming to prevent Eiji from finding happiness, and Eiji’s failure to help Sing by unburdening him from the weight of the knowledge of how it was Ash was left vulnerable enough to be killed, are born from an instinct of self-preservation.  Sing lashes out at Ash, because in reality, he’s drowning in his own sense of guilt over it being his own brother that killed him, and feeling responsible himself for Eiji’s grief.  Eiji doesn’t tell Sing that he knew about the letter because he couldn’t face the pain of knowing it was his love for Ash that ultimately left him vulnerable enough to be killed, feeling himself responsible for Ash’s death.  They both blame themselves for what happened.  

They’re both wrong, of course, in that the only person to really blame for Ash’s death is Lao.  Lao chose to attack Ash.  Lao’s the one who killed him.

But Eiji and Sing’s sense of guilt here, their sense of crushing sorrow and grief, and their inability to forgive themselves over what happened to Ash, can be related back to Ash’s own, overwhelming sense of pain and grief and guilt.  Over Ash’s own need to leave his feelings unacknowledged and unprocessed, for the sake of self-preservation.  Eiji and Sing’s trauma in Garden of Light is heavy like the trauma Ash carried around with him his whole life.  And, I think, ultimately, both Eiji and Sing come to realize that.  They come to better understand, through their own suffering here, maybe how Ash actually, truly felt.  How Ash suffered every moment of every day, carrying the burden of the abuse he suffered through as a child, carrying the burden of his loneliness, carrying the burden of his remorse over the lives he had taken.  I think they finally understood the true cost  that such heavy pain can exact on a person, for their same inability to face or process their own, instead both of them running away from it, pretending it doesn’t exist, focusing their anger and pain on things and people who in reality have nothing to do with it.  Ash never had anyone to share the weight of his trauma and pain with.  He carried it around inside him, shoved down into the darkest corners of his being, never speaking of it to anyone, never unburdening himself to anyone, never allowed the process to grieve, to cry or deal with everything that had happened to him in his young, tragic life.  We only see him truly grieve for what’s been done to him in the famous scene with Eiji, when he cries in Eiji’s lap, and Eiji promises to stay with him forever.  It’s a single moment that Ash allows himself, and even in that moment, it’s but a fraction of the true horror of what Ash’s life consisted of.  Ash never had the luxury of the grieving process, for how his life was constantly under threat, and to stop and process his trauma for even a moment, to allow himself even to acknowledge it, would have meant his end.  He was never allowed to properly process the trauma of all the sexual abuse he suffered.  He was never allowed to grieve for his friends Skip and Shorter.  Never allowed to grieve for his brother, Griffin.  Never allowed to process the rejection of his mother and father.  Never allowed to come to terms with all he’d had to do in order to simply survive, out there on the streets.  Eiji and Sing, I think, at last understand they themselves have something that they’ve been taking for granted, a privilege that Ash never had.  The time to process their pain.  The time to come to terms with their suffering.  Another person, in one another, to share the weight of their shared guilt and sadness.  Ash had no one he could ever really talk to, because he knew no one who had gone through the same things he had.  His suffering was unique in it’s severity and nature.  Eiji and Sing went through the loss of Ash together.  They both shared the same hurt.  And they found in one another a person who could understand what they felt, once they actually acknowledged what it was they were feeling.

Ash’s trauma, in the end, was a burden he couldn’t overcome.  He never came to a place where he could love himself.  He never came to a place where he could forgive himself.  All of that pain, all of that sorrow, all of that loneliness and heartbreak, crushed him under it’s weight, and defined the parameters of his life in a way he could see no way out of.  He could see no escape from.  He dies in the end.  He lets himself die.  He lets himself go, into the peaceful embrace of death at last, Eiji’s love giving him the permission he always sought to let down the unbearable weight of his own pain.

I think, by the end of Garden of Light, Eiji and Sing understand this about Ash.  Sing struggled so hard to understand what was going through Ash’s mind in those final hours of his life.  Why he let himself suffer so much before death finally came for him.  He struggled to understand why Ash would let go like that.  And I don’t think he really understood until he allowed himself to acknowledge the pain of his own grief and guilt.  Until he acknowledged his own inability to deal with his suffering.  Eiji too.  Until they both realized and admitted to themselves, and each other, that they’d been avoiding it and running away from it because they couldn’t bear it’s weight.  I think then, Sing and Eiji both understood why Ash let go.  They finally understood that Ash was carrying a burden that he just simply could no longer hold, because they too were carrying a burden that was crushing them.  They understood that Ash letting go was his final release.  His final freedom from the pain of his life.  His salvation.  Eiji says to Sing he could never forget Ash.  That he wouldn’t ever want to forget him.  He says “Ash lived all out, one hundred percent.  You and I know that better than anybody else.  I’m just grateful, and proud... that I got to spend at least a short while in the company of that brilliant, miraculous life force.”  I think this is Eiji acknowledging that Ash always knew he was going to die young.  That he burned too bright to burn for very long.  That a person so brilliant and filled with light, so present and so real, simply couldn’t last.  Like a shooting star, or a flash of lightening, so bright it lights up the all of the darkness around it for just a brief moment.  And then it’s gone forever.  

I think this is Eiji finally accepting that Ash was okay with dying, and that, ultimately, it was in death that Ash could finally find peace.  That he at last found his rest, after a lifetime of fighting.  I think it’s Eiji’s realization about how he was dealing with his own pain that helps him to understand this about Ash, to understand why Ash would WANT to let go.  How, in the end, Ash could even find his one, true happiness in letting go.  With the wings of Eiji’s love to carry him away from all of his suffering.  Eiji’s love gave him permission to be free.  To finally fly.

And I think in this understanding, in this realization, Eiji is at last able to let go of his own grief and guilt and pain.  He’s able to accept Ash’s death, because he finally understands that Ash wanted more than anything to be free, and so finally, in death, he was.  And in that release of Eiji’s pain, Sing too is able to let go of his burden.  He too is able to again find happiness, because Eiji finds his own.  They’ll never stop missing Ash, but that isn’t a bad thing.  It’s a simple acceptance, an acknowledgement of their love for him, what he meant to them, and a gratitude for ever having gotten to spend time with such an extraordinary person at all.  They’re freed from their guilt and sorrow by understanding that Ash’s death was his release from his own suffering.  By the understanding that, for Ash, he found his own, true happiness in the end, knowing he loved, and was loved in return.  That he felt his own, overwhelming gratitude for the brief time he got to spend with Eiji, as Eiji feels for having gotten to spend time with him.  The acceptance that, for Ash, Eiji’s love was worth the price of his life.  That, for Ash, that love was the ultimate happiness, and with that feeling of love in his heart, he could finally just... stop.  Finally end his suffering and slip away.  Eiji and Sing are able to set down their own unbearable burden, as Ash was able to set down his, because Eiji and Sing finally understand why Ash did.  Why, in the end, he had to.

#Banana Fish #Garden of Light #Ash Lynx #Eiji Okumura #Sing Soo Ling

[cypher-of-the-night]

Biography: Yuuichi Kuroi

“Between going to hell for killing leeches, or to heaven at the cost of innocent lives... I’d rather stay a sinful man for the rest of my life.”

~

Full name: Kuroi, Yuuichi

Kanji: 黒佑一

Age: 19

Meaning:  Yuuichi - To help one; Kuroi - Black, Dark

Nickname(s):

Sensei (by Yui),

Yuuichi Jiang (Alias)

Yòu-Yī  Jiang (Chinese Name)

Age: 19 (Looks around early 20′s)

Birthday: April 1st

Zodiac Sign: Aries

Ethnicity: Chinese/Japanese

Nationality: Japanese

Hobbies: Hunting, Practicing Martial Arts

Favorite Food: Cream Stew

Dislikes: Days-Off, Vampires, and Ignorance

Race: Vampire, Human (Formerly)

Gender: Male

Height: 178 cm (5’10")

Weight: 67 kg (147 lbs)

Hair color: Black

Eye color: Blue

Blood Type: O

Occupation: High School Teacher-in-Training, Vampire Hunter

Relatives:

Ying-Yue Jiang (ancestral foremother)

Naoki Enjo (Distant Relative)

Hisoka Kuroi (First-Cousin, Arranged fiancée)

Tsurara Kuroi (Parental Grandmother)

Favorite Food: Cream Stew

Hobbies: Hunting, Practicing Martial Arts

Seiyuu: Satoshi Hino (Ao from Hakkenden (Talking /Singing)

English Voice: Greg Cote (Eita Izumi from Just Because) (Talking)

~

Personality:

To the public eye, Yuuichi is a cool, collected young genius. At the age of 13, He graduates from college and is mentioned to be friendless, as he distances himself from others ever since childhood; Only having his cousin as his only other companion growing up. As he was always quiet, people found Yuuichi intimidating as he would be the only one brave enough to stare down and talk back at the Sakamaki’s, the Mukami’s, and even the Tsukinami’s; Something not even the Principal could do. Yuuichi is also observant and strict, even catching Ayato cheating but never calls him out on it; This leads to him and Ayato having a rather antagonistic relationship.

However, Yuuichi’s cool front is actually a mask, revealing himself to be passionate, but broken young man, desperately looking for love, affection, acceptance, and acknowledgment. Having grown up in a family of Vampire Hunters, Yuuichi has learned to kill vampires since he was young; While he was exceptional in this field, Yuuichi always had to live up to high expectations and was forced to distance himself from others to protect them from getting involved with his life as a Vampire hunter. He cares dearly about innocent people, but felt he must put them at a distance to keep them safe from harm. Always feeling that he must carry the burden on his own, Yuuichi bottles up his emotions in order to continue his role as a protector to innocent humans. He also has a soft spot for children, especially orphans, as he himself is an orphan.

While it was never reciprocated, Yuuichi did hold romantic feelings for his cousin, Hisoka, ever since they were children; Even before their arranged engagement. However, while he has tried to win her heart, it was apparent that She never loved him anymore than a brother. This is due to growing up believing he was a mistake by their grandmother, as he was born as an illegitimate child to the Kuroi family, and that Hisoka was the first person that has treated him as if his existence wasn’t a mistake and that he felt validated by her. This is also why he was not the family heir, despite being the oldest. He also developed a self-hatred and a case of PTSD from having to undergo harsh training as a Vampire hunter, losing his family members, to the abusive treatment from his grandmother.

Due to the way he grew up in the organization and his own hatred towards vampires, Yuuichi feels no remorse in killing the blood-sucking creatures and strongly believes that they are beasts in human form that deserve nothing more than to be extinct. While he genuinely feels that way, it only adds in his self-hatred and disgust for allowing himself become a vampire just to survive when he would rather die. As a vampire hunter, he also knows tactics to torture someone and do what ever means necessary to get the job done; Even it meant resorting to manipulation.

While appearing rational, Yuuichi also holds a sadistic side from the influence of being a vampire and would have the tendencies to succumb to vamperic urges along with his own desires; Depending on which route he’s in, He can either succumb to insanity, forcibly take what he wants as a desperate attempt to find his own happiness, and die as a tragic man, or He can be taught that he can love and be loved healthily, that he must pick up the broken pieces in order to find happiness, and to live as the avenging survivor.

~

Strengths:

Highly intelligent, respectful to elders, goal-oriented, protective, observant, a realist, serious, mysterious, cool, calm, fast-learner, outspoken when needed to, Caring to children, does show gratitude, strong-willed, kind, athletic, knowledgeable, passionate, experienced, and faithful.

Flaws: Secretly sadistic (from Vampiric urges), cold, stoic, vengeful, stubborn, persistent, easily lonely, hot-tempered, hostile, emotionally scarred, secretive, mentally scarred, self-hatred, has a hard time trusting people, hard, mentally unstable, anxious, paranoid, can’t cook, fearful of losing loved ones, socially awkward, shy, secretly masochistic (heavily embarrassed of this fact about himself) and secretly soft-hearted (can’t show it due to his upbringing as a hunter).

Skills: Shooting with guns (specifically pistols), Fluent in different languages (Chinese, Japanese, English), her intelligence (has even gotten a higher score than Reiji on tests), has high patience, high stamina, a fast runner, enhanced sense of smell, slightly stronger than normal humans, good listening skills, reading people and their emotions, skilled at playing on the flute, singing, has good flexibility, is Ambidextrous (both left-handed and right-handed), charisma, negotiation and interrogation skills, pain endurance, has slow but steady healing, a quick thinker, surprisingly observant, excellent swordsmanship, and an expert martial artist.

~

History:

Born as an illegitimate child to the Kuroi family, Yuuichi has always been deemed as a “mistake” all of his life by his own grandmother, Tsurara Kuroi. At a young age, His father was disappeared after being reported as MIA during a mission while his mother was kidnapped by a vampire. He was placed under the care of his aunt and uncle for a short time, meeting his first-cousin, Hisoka Kuroi; Falling in love with her and her innocence, Yuuichi swore to protect her and to work hard to become her husband when they are older. Such a thing even became the reason why he would eventually become a exceptional vampire hunter as he grew older.

When he was placed under Tsurara’s care, Yuuichi was immediately taken to start the harsh vampire-hunter training for Kuroi family members; The training sessions caused him to experience horrors and force him to kill in order to save himself, resulting nightmares and eventual numbness in order to get through every training session. Becoming a professional at the age of 8, Yuuichi’s first mission was to kill the same vampire that kidnapped his mother; But once he did and comes across his mother, who was imprisoned the entire time and showed signs of abuse and bite marks, She tearfully begs him to kill her so that she doesn’t turn into a vampire, fearing she would end up hurting others the way her captive has hurt her. Heartbroken that their reunion would end up as it did, Yuuichi complies before telling his mother he loved her, in which his mother replies that she (along with his father) will always love him. From having to kill his own mother as well, this lead to the start of his burning hatred for vampires, vowing to eradicate every single one of them so that humans won’t have to suffer the same way his mother did.

After hearing about the deaths of his aunt and uncle, the memories of his father’s disappearance, and the kidnapping and death of his mother comes back to haunt him and fuel the burning hatred of vampires more; Whether or not Hisoka herself survived or not, Yuuichi will still remain guilty for not being able to be there to protect her or her innocence as he swore to.

If Hisoka did survive, whichi is Hisoka’s Route: Due to the fear of almost losing her, Yuuichi becomes heavily emotionally invested in her to a point he gets jealous of anyone that Hisoka interacts with, especially Yui Komori, who he envied and hated for being the one that helped Hisoka open up when she needed someone the most. Yuuichi would do anything for Hisoka just to make her happy and to win her love, in a similar way Richter loves Cordelia; However, when a mission to rescue Yui was changed to killing her, Yuuichi was the first to take the task to do so. Due to Hisoka’s love and devotion to Ruki Mukami, Yuuichi’s mentality breaks, becoming insane and unpredictable, and resorts to making his happiness happen by force (the happiness being promised by Tsurara herself if Yuuichi kills Yui successfully). This ends up failing and leads to his death by Hisoka’s hands.

If Hisoka didn’t survive, which is Naoki’s Route, Yuuichi becomes the only Kuroi member left in the new generation, making him the only other candidate to become heir to the Kuroi family. But Tsurara does not allow it as she still labels him a ‘mistake’, despite his adroit skills as a hunter. From this, Yuuichi comes to the belief that Tsurara had something to do with the death of the rest of his family members, especially after learning about the wiping out of the clan from his mother’s side. As such, He has decided to investigate deeper into the mystery, which lead to taking on the task to assassinate Yui Komori, only to use her to figure out a lead to Tsurara’s crimes that ended up massacring the rest of his family.

Sometime in between the Haunted Dark Bridal Saga and the MORE BLOOD Saga, Yuuichi was almost near death from a mission he was sent to by Tsurara, only to be saved by and turned by Richter on a certain condition:

Hisoka Route: Richter agrees to make Yuuichi strong enough to kill the Mukami’s, especially Ruki Mukami, who was working with Karlheinz, the Vampire King, but in exchange, Yuuichi will help him dethrone Karlheinz and kill the Sakamaki’s. Due to Yuuichi’s mentality breaking from Hisoka loving Ruki, He agrees to help Richter overthrow Karlheinz and kill the vampires. This is also because they share a mutual understanding of loving a woman that loves someone else, and will do anything just to make them happy/their own, to a point not having them in their arms makes them lose their own sanity.

Naoki Route: Richter agrees to help provide Yuuichi the information he needs to prove Tsurara was guilty, if Yuuichi agrees to keep Yui safe from the Sakamaki’s and the Mukami’s. While Yuuichi didn’t understand why Richter would give him this opportunity, seeing that they both have a common enemy in Tsurara, Yuuichi accepts this despite his own hatred for vampires as long as it would be beneficial to what he is looking for in order to get evidence of Tsurara’s crimes. He eventually does kidnap Yui, using Naoki as a distraction, but while he had her in his custody, they do eventually fall in love and Yuuichi realizes his own inhumane actions and decides to learn to love himself, as well as to move forward with his life.

Eventually, He goes undercover in the guise of a Teacher-in-Training at Ryoutei Academy.

(SPOILERS)

In Naoki’s route, in the DARK FATE Saga, It is revealed that Yuuichi is also a bloodline member of the Chinese clan of human vampire hunters with the first-blood blood in their veins, due to their foremother ancestor, Ying-Yue Jiang; Ying-Yue was the original host of a first-blood’s heart (whom was also her lover in her former life as a human), and was a human before turning into a vampire after she gave birth to a human son that carried the blood of a First-blood, Asher. Due to herself staying hidden for many centuries to hide from Karlheinz under her first-blood lover’s instructions, Ying-Yue was given the nickname “Lilith”, who was known to be the first wife of Adam but leaves him after she refuses to become subservient to him (in a similar sense where Ying-Yue refuses to let herself become experimented as an Eve to Karlheinz’s plan); However, their secret was revealed when one of their clan’s members was kidnapped by a vampire who found out about the truth of their blood. That kidnapped member was Yuuichi’s mother herself. And after the Clan was targeted and massacred, Yuuichi became one of the two only clan members left alive; The other revealing to be Naoki Enjo, the current host of Asher’s heart. The one that plotted the massacre of the clan was Tsurara herself; However, due to Karlheinz’s decision to kill off the entire family of Hisoka, including Hisoka herself, to allow one member from the Jiang clan escape from the massacre, this lead to Tsurara to hold a grudge as she had plans to use Hisoka as her perfect successor as Head of the VH Organization.

It is also revealed that, the real reason Tsurara called Yuuichi a mistake, is because she became aware of the first-blood blood in his veins, and deemed him as one with filthy blood; This is the reason why she refused to make him heir to the family, as all of his abilities were only enhanced from the blood of a first-blood, and that she only sent him on the mission where he was almost killed is to ensure that he does get killed and never returns. In Hisoka’s Route in the DARK FATE saga, where Yuuichi has already been killed, Tsurara explains that she was responsible in organizing the massacre of the Jiang clan and that she did arrange killing of Yuuichi in order to give Hisoka the push she needed to attempt rising up against her, and turn her into the perfect successor after Hisoka herself realizes the truth of her existence and the reason for the death of her family was all because she existed.

Once everything comes to light, in Naoki’s Route in the DARK FATE saga, Asher reveals to Yuuichi that his father was the one informed the clan about the kidnapping as a warning and took Naoki to the orphanage, but as a result from receiving word he gave warning of the VH Organization hunters coming to massacre them, Tsurara had him, one of her own sons, executed for “betraying the organization”.

~

Trivia:

• Yuuichi is unable to cook; Legend tells he tried to cook something himself, but he ends up burning everything he cooks into flames. Even cereal. Even in

Hisoka’s Route

in the

MORE BLOOD

saga, It is mentioned that Yuuichi himself almost burned down the organization from trying to cook; The one of the very few things he can do is brew coffee.

• While only describes as his hobbies, Yuuichi actually hunts and practices Martial arts as said hobbies is mainly because it helps him keep his figure and to ensure he does not slack off from lack of training.

This is why He doesn’t like day off’s, as he feels uncomfortable doing nothing and that he would rather much do something than doing nothing.

• In his own Manservant ending in the MORE BLOOD saga with Yui, He ends up becoming just like Richter and becomes a submissive slave to Yui, who would end up inheriting dominant, sadistic traits from Cordelia; He even ends up killing Richter to ensure Yui remains his, in fear that Richter will take her away from him.

In the DARK FATE route of Naoki’s Route, Yuuichi confronts Richter as he tries to make a move on Yui in the delusion that she’s Cordelia and denies being like him; This is ironic, considering the fact that he is very much like him in Hisoka’s Route, as his own mentality breaks and would do whatever means necessary to keep Hisoka at his side, even if it meant killing those in his way.

•  He inherited his blue eyes from his father, while his mother holds the same pink eyes as Naoki; It is implied that the bloodline family members of the Jiang clan have the same colored eyes, but the reason why Yuuichi has blue eyes is because the Kuroi family genes has been known to be arguably stronger.

• Yuuichi was originally made to be a character for Hisoka Kuroi’s universe; However, regretting such great potential to go to waste, Yuki (The creator of this blog and @star-crossedfidelity​) brought him back for Naoki Enjo’s story in an alternative universe and gives him a happy ending where he is the love interest of Yui Komori.

• Yuuichi’s real name is Yòu-Yī Jiang (Jiang Yòu-Yī; 江佑一), which respectively mean “To protect all” and “River”.

• Upon his appearance in the MORE BLOOD Saga in Naoki’s route,  

• By the DARK FATE saga in Naoki’s Route, Yuuichi is revealed to be spiritually-Endowed Human-First Blood Hybrid; This is due to Ying-Yue Jiang, his foremother and Asher’s lover, became the first carrier of the first-blood’s heart before she had sexual intercourse with another human in an arranged marriage, which lead to conceiving a human child that would later start a family line of human with first-blood ancestry from Ying-Yue carrying Asher’s heart before the child was conceived; Thus, Yuuichi is a human with first-blood ancestry.

Asher reveals that because the child was born from two humans, despite his blood running through its veins, they can not possess magic, transform, or summon familiars like a first-blood; Instead, because of his blood, The child was stronger, quicker, and healed faster than an average human, along with inheriting the ability to sense vampires and invisible familiars. This is why the clan were phenomenal vampire hunters as, while they can’t see them, they can sense their presence, using those abilities to their advantages.

Asher also reveals that Yuuichi’s enhanced abilities were due to the blood that ran through the family bloodline for generations, and if Yuuichi was the host for his heart, Asher admits that Yuuichi would’ve unlock even more power due to his upbringing as a vampire hunter.

• Due to never having a normal childhood or having a chance to relax, Yuuichi has no knowledge or recollection on what’s it’s like to be a child; For example, He has never been to an amusement park, nor has he ever been to a festival before.

• While he is good with swordsmanship, He prefers to use guns instead; The reason for this is because, when he went on his first mission, He used a sword; Which meant he had to kill his own mother with the sword, and began to use guns after that. In Hisoka’s Route, It is confirmed that Yuuichi would only use swords if he is being sent on a more difficult mission.

• Yuuichi uses the alias “Yuuichi Jiang”, a mixture of his Japanese name and his mother’s maiden name; However, in Naoki’s Route in the MORE BLOOD saga, this is how Asher began to suspect Yuuichi as another living survivor of the massacre, due to his Chinese decent, his own enhanced abilities, and his familiar scent of those from the Jiang clan.

• In Hisoka’s Route, Yuuichi is in love with Hisoka, and not Yui, who he bitterly hated and envied; However, in Naoki’s Route, Yuuichi becomes Yui’s keeper by the MORE BLOOD Saga and they end up falling in love. ~

Credits: Character sheet image, art provided by @seven-re​.

#yuuichi kuroi #Yuuyui #diabolik lovers oc

[twisted-nox-sidus]

Hello there, I’ve just read the Wattpad story and I’m already in love with Strix and her adventure in NRC. I really hope you keep up with the good work and staying safe. Just reading the story, I’ve just had a thought, can you write a scenario or headcannon either in Tumblr or Wattpad where Strix accidentally (but in reality, it was on purpose. LOL) uses her Dream Eater’s power in de-aging the dorm leaders into kids. Sorry for the long rambling. Thank you

Thank you so much for reading! I do hope to make her story unique, so I appreciate your support. I honestly never planned the dream eaters to have that kind of power, but this is a fun request I’d love to try. Maybe I’ll do a little side story over Wattpad, since Tumblr is not usually the format I trust to do lengthy scenarios. For now, have these headcanons, anon~

Also, I’m not sure if you want the de-aged dorm leaders to retain their memory or not, so I chose the “losing memory” option since that’s more entertaining lol. Let’s say everyone reverts back 10 yrs. Leona would be 10, the 2nd yrs are 7, 3rd yrs are 8, and Malleus...looks 8.

De-Aged Dorm Leaders and Caretaker Strix

Strix was initially not aware her dream eaters could reverse the aging process for a brief period of time. So when she discovered by chance during science class how one of her spirits casted magic that made a fully grown plant shrink back to a budding sapling, she kept it a secret.

Until a dream eater randomly caused mayhem by teleporting across all seven dorms and casting the dorm leaders under the de-aging spell. The vice dorm leaders (including Ortho who might as well count as one) all barged in the Ramshackle dorm on the same night of the incident to demand an explanation. The dorm never had this many visitors. Strix was at a loss.

Ramshackle suddenly became a daycare, and Strix is the caretaker of seven chaotic children. Grim is the house cat who hides from prying kids, and the ghost trio haunting the dorm are more or less her assistants. (They developed a friendly relationship behind the scenes)

Considering she’s not the best with children, Strix’s back pains grew worse during the time. Being a supervisor did not mean being a nanny!

“Headmaster, I understand your pain as clear as day now... I’m sorry for everything...” “...You’re here to demand payment, I assume?” “I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR ANYTHING, SIR!”

Meanwhile the vice dorm heads take their place until they return to normal. Strix had to take her absence from school until then, staying at Ramshackle and housing the kids until classes end. Grim complained like a b*tch the whole day until Strix threatened to use the furball as a broom.

Watching the vice heads bring them home hand-to-hand or carrying them while walking down the path somehow makes Strix want to shed a tear. They do so much for the leaders! No wonder they’re more reliable than the actual dorm heads!

Little Riddle is the confused boy of the bunch. What are the rules he should follow? Is he allowed to eat strawberry tarts since his mother isn’t in charge? Strix assures him that he’ll be fine. Trey once expressed remorse for not helping Riddle in times of need prior to his Overblot and treats him to his needs back at the dorm. Riddle still enforces the rules upon others like Kalim and Leona for stepping out of line, and reads books a little more complex for his age. His ego is boosted whenever he’s praised for following the rules, though Strix told him he can do whatever as long as it doesn’t cause trouble for everyone. Isn’t that what rules are for? Strix doesn’t know how to explain...

Strix almost crushed little Leona. He’s a lion cub, of course she’d give him ear scratches and rubs, much to his embarrassment. But since Strix is a woman, Leona can’t really lay a finger on her. Still a little snarky brat to others though. Since he has an inferiority complex to his older brother, he first had expected Strix to be like everyone else who disregard his efforts and compare him to his brother. However, Strix acknowledges his efforts and praises him whenever he does something remarkable; overall seeing Leona as Leona. He saw new light in her and is much more intimate that he goes to sleep on her lap more than usual. He also gets territorial whenever other kids want her attention and unconditional affection. Shows off more, too.

Little Azul is part octopus, and had only learned to walk on two human feet last year. He has no clue as a child, so Strix had to help teach him the ropes while Jade would continue the rest at Octavinelle. Strix thinks his chubbiness is cute and doesn’t ostracize him like many did. Azul finds comfort around Strix’s presence whose eyes and overall appearance reminds him of the ocean, his homeland. He was surprised when she states she’s purely human. She’s not a mermaid who’s maintaining human form? He couldn’t believe it! Her beauty rivals a mermaid princess, which both charmed and made her abashed when he told her as such.

Little Kalim is a chaotic ball of sunshine just like his older self, except his actions are purely out on childish whim. As someone from a wealthy family, he asks a little too much (in all his well-meaning innocence) from Strix, though, since the dorm has nothing extravagant to offer. He likes to explore the dorm, though Strix fears he might fall on a floorboard.

Little Vil is as vain as his original self, if not a little nagging. He still calls Strix a potato even as a child. Despite that, Vil actually motivates those around him to work harder, even if he uses himself to set an example. He would insist on brushing and braiding her hair since she’s a lady. They get to bond through this.

Little Idia is a nervous fireball sitting at the corner. He would play on his tablet while straying from human interaction as much as possible. Strix has limitless patience with him, especially as a kid, and doesn’t force him to talk if he doesn’t want to. He developed a sense of trust in her for respecting his space.

Little Malleus is one of the few who’s most attached to Strix, if not the most. Even as a kid no one approaches him, until Strix did. She invites him to all their friendship circles and indulges him with tea parties. You could say he developed a huge crush, though he won’t admit it. The signs are so obvious.

Sparks fly between Leona and Malleus who are competitive in grabbing Strix’s affection. No one could intervene in their rivalry. Strix says she loves all of them equally and doesn’t favor one moreover the other. Doesn’t stop them from one-upping the other, though.

Kids who cause trouble: Kalim, Leona

Kids who report: Riddle, Vil

Kids who get roped in the trouble: Idia, Malleus, Azul (and sometimes Riddle, too)

Strix says she’s not good with children, but she’s not aware that she’s in fact the opposite. She was told she would make a great mother, but sincerely doubts it. She’s so hard on herself when it comes to children...

Once everyone reverts back to normal, Strix has a lot of blackmail material to use. She also sells copies to the vice heads and the others for a good price. Who’s to say she wouldn’t take advantage of making cash at the leaders’ expense?

#my post #twst oc #strix noctowl #dorm leaders #headcanon ask #anon #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc