#that was probably insensitive right? but like seriously THE SHOW IS IN THREE WEEKS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wizkiddx · 3 years

Text

your voice

angsty vibe, requested by @hollandlover19 than you for th rq and hop this doesn't disappoint too much :)))

summary: tom says something so stupid and has to deal with the consquences

warnings: a bit angsty, but ends in fluff! argumnts and raising voices, I guess could be associated with panic attacks tho not written with that intention

//////////////////////////////////

“Oh, Y/n er sorry.” Harrisons morning dulcet tones were what you were awoken to with a groan.

Everything was achy, and your head was pounding, making you grumble in discontent as you shifted uncomfortably on the technically too-small-to-sleep-on sofa.

This was not the morning you’d foreseen even 12 hours ago.

Lockdown had been difficult for everyone, even removing the tragic health crisis. Being locked in with your boyfriend and his brothers and friends was, for the most part, amazing. Lots of laughs, lots of beers and lots of quality time that you usually didn’t get. But it was also intense.

Without a doubt, since you first got together, this was the longest time you’d ever had with Tom. And it had been brilliant, your relationship getting so much closer and just learning the subtlest intricacies about the other. In fact, when lockdown had been announced, you’d never lived together (the most a week-long holiday).

Though it was also like a pressure cooker, Toms rented house. When one of you were in an understandable but stubborn lousy mood, it affected the whole house.

Yesterday night had been the perfect storm. The weather was unbelievably scorching; your work had announced that they had to let some staff go because of the financial implications of the pandemic; a ‘mole’ had released personal details of your relationship.

And it was like a pot on the stove; everything went from controllable to violently boiling over in a matter of minutes.

Honestly, you didn’t even know why you had started arguing - it was that pathetic. And yet you’d both said pretty horrible stuff - though it was Tom who had crossed the line. Frankly, the way he’d spoken to you was almost unforgivable.

You’d both known instantly too, all his anger at you had immediately evaporated when he’d realised what he had said. It took no time for him to become a grovelling apologetic mess, however even that- it was already too late.

It might sound feeble, but honestly, you’d run and locked yourself in the downstairs loo. You’d cried on the inside- whilst from the other side of the door, he had been begging and pleading with you.

After an hour though, Tom finally gave up - hence why you’d had a pretty uncomfortable night on the sofa.

This brings it back to Harrison, the early riser of the house, barrelling into the living room after his morning run. All bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, except also slightly terrified looking as he stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“I’m up now” You sighed, dragging yourself into a sitting position on the sofa whilst massaging your crooked neck.

“You er…. you fell asleep watching the TV?” Rolling your eyes, you sighed at the blonde, even if his poor acting was a little entertaining.

“Are we both pretending that you don’t know what went down last night?” Of course, Harrison knew. The walls were thin, you’d been screaming and he was Tom’s best friend. No doubt, Tom had immediately gone to him for help and advice last night.

Harrison held his hands up in response, caught in the act, and clicked his tongue. “What he said was bad. You shouldn’t be the one ending up with the sore back.” He wasn’t wrong.

“And yet here I am…” With a sigh you smiled which he returned with a sickeningly empathetic one “Anyway, don’t let my sad self get in the way, did you come in here for anything?”

Now, because Harrison was mentally a five year old, that’s how you ended up sat crossed-legged on the floor, clutching a wii remote and angrily shouting at yoshi on the mariokart screen. The whole household was competitive as hell and you were no exception - so some rouge elbows were flying when he viciously knocked you off the track.

Slowly Harry and Tuwaine filtered in and picked up remotes too, so the quiet morning was very quickly switched into a tense atmosphere of yelps and shouts. None more so than Tuwaine, who was possibly the worst looser you had ever met.

Really, you knew all the boys were only doing this as there way of showing you they were with you. That they also thought Tom was a massive raging dickhead. And you appreciated it more than they would ever know. Locked down in Toms house, very much not mutual ground, having three stupid boys behind you meant everything.

Just as you got on to the 18th and final race of the house’s mario grand prix, another voice cut across the tense silence as you waited for the coutdown to turn into ‘go’. Naturally, you flipped round to see Tom, looking as though he literally just rolled out of bed with puffy eyes and messy hair and no top. The sight made your heart flutter, to the point you had to consciously check yourself - refusing to smile softly at him like you usually would, instead narrowing your eyebrows and looking back at the TV.

Tom had so desperately hoped that when he came down this morning, everything would be better. That all it’d take would be a quiet conversation for the two of you to make up - for him to have you in his arms again. Primarily as he had heard your excited laugh echoing through the halls in reactions to Tuwaines yelps of protests - it made him hopeful. Waking up to a cold and empty bed was almost soul-crushing this morning. He did not want it to ever happen again.

Which is why his heart sank so much when all you gave him was a scolding look, before turning your attention to the TV. Admittedly, he was naive to think that what he’d done last night would be an easy fix - he knew it too. So with dropping shoulders, Tom silently took a seat on the sofa, watching from afar. You spent the rest of the race more absent, not joining in with the Harrison or Harrys trash-talking, acutely aware of Tom’s eyes burning the back of your head.

Then came Harry’s celebrations as the overall winner (only just) and when Harrison suggested another game Tom piped up again.

“Give me a turn Harry.”

The three boys kneeling next to you all stiffened, looking immediately to you for what seemed like consent - as if they were engaging with the enemy. (At least it was good to know everyone was on your side).

“I’m gonna go prepare for my meeting anyway.” You spoke quietly, already placing the remote on the floor and standing up.

“Y/n I don’t mind swappin-“

“No. Thanks, H but no.” You weren’t being selfless and giving Tom a turn. You were running away from seeing him.

And Harrison was still really angry at Tom. He’d been so selfish and insensitive and had hurt you- someone who Haz also cared a lot about too. Yes Tom was his bestmate, that he’d grown up with and known for years - but Haz really liked you too, in fact all the boys did. So they were almost as pissed with Tom as you were.

So while you threw the cushion you were sat on back on the floor, Harrison shot Tom the filthiest look and practically shooed him away.

“come on Y/n … just one more? Then you can do your boring work.” You were about to refuse when Haz tilted his head toward the door, only then noticing that Tom had slipped out the room. Now that he was gone ,yes, just one more wouldn’t hurt. The meeting prep wasn’t time pressured; it was an excuse for an escape.

Tuwaine whooped a little when you nodded, planting back down and ready for the first race. Yet apart from that, the room was still a little awkward, you being the first to break the silence.

“Actually Haz, would you mind giving me a lift today?”

“What to the shops?

“Um no not quite.” Tuwaine laughed in his usual innocent and infectious style before asking more.

“Seriously? You know we’re locked down? Boris won’t be happy if you going mad and leaving the house.”

“Just to Y/f/n’s. She lives on her own so it’s legal.”

“She lives just down the road right? Can’t you walk?” Harry was confused, making him look away from the screen, ultimately leading to his ‘diddykong’ falling off the track.

“I’ll have my bags. I um… I think I’m going to stay with her till lockdown eases more.”

As soon as you said that, Harry pressed pause on the race, all three boys looking at you mouth-opened.

“For real?”

“Yeh I um… think me and Tom need some time apart and being locked in isn’t helping.”

“I’m not saying to forgive and forget what he said… but he is really sorry.”

“The twats literally kicking himself.” Tuwaine added, making you smile a little for calling Tom that.

“I know just… I need some space and-“

“Are you breaking up?” Harry almost announced, cutting you off. He would miss you too.

“No! Nono I … well I don’t know. I just- we both need this.”

The boys all nodded, looking at the floor for a moment before Harrison’s blue eyes were back on you.

“Course I’ll drive, but… but I’ll miss you.”

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

You’d left merely an hour later, whilst Tom was holed up in the garden doing what looked like an almost unbearable work out. It meant he was also out your hair and you could throw all your stuff into two suitcases without him being any the wiser. It was probably pretty cowardly to leave without speaking to him, but you couldn’t. It would hurt too much and you didn’t want to break down in front of him. No doubt as soon as you had got to Y/f/n you did - into a blubbering mess of tears - but Tom hadn’t seen so it was okay.

Speaking of. Tom.

Tom was not in a good way at all. He’d been trying really hard to curb his’ short fuse’ lately- all of which had been well and truly blown in the past 4 hours. After finally being realised from meetings, which he’d not been able to concentrate on anyway, Tom had mentally prepared himself for a lot of grovelling. Once he’d vaguely hunted the house and not found you there, he naturally asked Harry and Tuwaine (both of whom were in the living room) if they’d seen you around.

It was a typical question, the answer he was expecting was that you’d just gone on your daily walk. And yet the response he got was… well a lot more confusing. Harry’s eyes widened whilst T did his awkward-uncomfortable chuckle, the two locked in an intense bout of eye contact. It was as though they were arguing with each, but through the powers of telekinesis... and it put Tom on edge. He was already stressed because you were so angry with him, so not getting a clear answer out of his brother and best mate - lets just say it tested his patience.

“You two need to tell me what the hell is going on right now.”

The two boys both looked panicked to speak to him, which was the opposite of the usual situation. They were some of the ONLY people in his life that would just say it how it is, no sugar coating. Like if he was away and being ‘famous’ was getting to his head; or if he wore the wrong pair of jeans. Even yesterday evenings events, they’d both called him out on what he’d said to you.

So why the silence?

Eventually, it was Harry who spoke up, but in doing so, practically just waved all responsibility on to another innocent party.

“Ask Haz.”

And then Tom knew. He knew this was bad. Immediately his heart was pumping at an alarmingly fast rate, taking the stairs two at a time and not bothering to knock before bursting the door open.

“Where’s Y/n?”

Harrison was reclined back on his haphazardly made bed, laptop balanced on his lap as he looked up with a sigh. He’d known this conversation was coming, but it didn’t make it any less easy. With a sigh, Haz closed the lid of his MacBook and sat up on the bed.

“Tom just-“

“Where. Is. She.”

“She’s gone to Y/f/n’s.”

“Oh… okay.” Suddenly Tom’s voice was muted, thinking he might’ve blown his top at nothing. This wasn’t weird - Y/f/n was in your support bubble and you went to hers often.

Tom was grossly underestimating the situation - and Harrison heard didn’t fancy stringing him along though.

“No like gone. She um… she took all her stuff. I think she’s going to stay there till-“

Tom was already out his room at that point, slamming the door as he did so. Making a beeline for his own room, Tom then frantically started to pull out the draws and rummage around the shelves, confirming what he already knew. Your clothes were gone, your toothbrush and toiletries were gone, you were gone.

It’s important to note Tom didn’t really cry all that much. Or if he did - it was more inconsequential, at a sad movie or one of the rescue dog stories from battersea. Actually, when it came down to it, he didn’t really cry.

Now though, it was impossible to ignore the burning of his eyes, as he sank down onto the bed that now felt twice the size. With ragged breath, he repeatedly fisted his eyes, not actually letting the tears fall - but it was impossible to not acknowledge their presence. Harrison stood wordlessly at the door frame, knowing it best not to interrupt - whilst at the same time knowing Tom shouldn’t be left alone. There was a delicate balance between the two, which he was walking on a knife-edge on right now.

After a short while, Tom looked up with red eyes and nodded at Harrison, effectively granting him entrance. With a sigh once again, Haz moved and sat next to Tom on the bed, clasping his hands together nervously.

“She said you both just needed a break from each other. Think lockdown and everything was just a bit too intense.” Haz had tried to explain, yet it seemed Tom had only managed to lock onto one of the first words.

“A break? Or breaking up?”

“I uhm… she didn’t explicitly say ending things. But I just… I don’t know to be honest mate.”

“You see the way she looked at me this morning? Like she hated me. Wouldn’t even acknowledge that I was there.”

“I don’t know what to say… she needs time and space I think.” Tom was silent for a beat, shaking his head as he cradled his forehead.

“I hate the fact you and my girlfriend are on better terms than I am.” Anddd his voice was back to scathing.

“I’m not on anyones side. But your both my friends and she… she needed some time.”

With that, Harrison made a quick exit out, getting Harry to take over the Tom supervision.

Ever since the atmosphere in the house had been tense. To say Tom was highly strung was an understatement, particularly towards Harrison. Deep down he was thankful Haz was looking out for Y/n: he was glad that Haz was checking she was okay. It’s not like Tom could, because Y/n was refusing to answer his calls, texts, whatsapps, even the slip of paper he’d slipped under Y/f/n’s door in the middle of an especially dark night.

So it was good to know Y/n was okay, but the fact she was going on socially distanced walks with the rest of his housemates was rubbing salt in the wound.

After a week and a half of complete radio silence on your end Tom had utterly worn down. He didn’t have the emotional capacity to be angry anymore, he was just tired. Tired of missing you with every breath, tired of the ten-tonne weight of guilt pressing on his chest, fucking exhausted with being angry at Haz and Harry and Tuwaine.

The best thing in his life and one of the very limited opportunities was quality time with the people he loved more than anything else. He had ruined it all.

And it was the small things. It was waking up to your soft, whispered voice in the morning; it was your infectious giggle when he surprised you with a hug from behind and gentle kisses to your neck; it was your quiet singing in the shower. Especially when he knew Haz, Harry and Tuwaine were all still seeing you and laughing with you. It hurt like hell.

Which is how he ended up hesitantly knocking on Harrison’s bedroom door at half eleven at night, with his tail between his legs. Having been so uber-healthy all lockdown, Haz was already in bed following his sleep cycle, though for Tom right now- he would be awake.

“I’m um… I’m sorry I’ve been a knob. There’s no excuse of anything I’ve just… I’ve been a knob.”

“You’re not wrong.” Harrison nodded in agreement with a sly smile, motioning for Tom to come into the room, after which he perched on the edge of the bed.

“I just… I need to speak to her but I… I don’t want to push her if she’s still hurting and I…”

“You absolutely promise not to blow your fuse? Because she couldn’t handle that.” Tom’s eyes widened, thinking this would be a much harder pitch than how it seemed to be going.

“Yesyesyes i- I promise. I just, I feel broken you know? Even if all I get is the time to say sorry, I-I really need to.”

Harrison released a deep breath, nodding slowly before throwing the covers off himself. Tom watched all his movements with a curious gaze, silently sitting as Haz pulled on a hoodie, then socks too.

“Well? Let’s go.”

//////////////////

Now, what Tom had not in the slightest bit been prepared for was this to happen tonight. Really, he hadn’t even thought Harrison would agree to let him talk to you… and even if he had, Tom not in hell thought it’d be at 11:30 that evening.

His heart was thundering in his chest, trying to hurriedly script how on earth he was going to apologise meaningfully to you - as him and Haz walked the short distance to your friends house. Honestly the whole situation was peculiar to Tom - finding it hard to believe that if you weren’t to answer his texts you wouldn’t be open to an in person conversation.

What Tom didn’t know, was how you’d been texting Haz at a similar point of desperation. You weren’t happy and even given everything Tom had said and acted - you missed your boy. No matter how infuriating he could be when trapped 24/7 - you’d quickly learnt this was the only way you wanted to spend these weird times.

So yes, Tom’s best friend knew you were hardly sleeping either, but needed that little push to interact with you boyfriend. No doubt, you’d still be awake to answer the door.

Once he’d arrived at the apartment block and walked up the stairs to the right floor, it still took some prodding and pushing from Harrison to get Tom to knock on the door. Plainly, because he was shitting himself. Haz hadn’t given him enough pre warning, enough time to work it all out in his head. So it took another encouraging nod from Harrison for him to knock on the slightly rough-round-the-edges flat door.

Y/f/n was single and young, starting her career in Kingston - so the flat she could afford was modest at best. When it was just occupied by a single person, that was manageable - two was a push. You’d only been living with her for a week and a few days but it was enough to know this flat was not ideal for two people in lockdown. You were already stepping on each others toes. It also wasn’t technically legal to move households but Y/f/n had always been in your support bubble as a single household otherwise. And so there was also a layer of guilt to it all.

Naturally then, sharing a bed with someone who wasn’t Tom meant you just were not sleeping. Even if you had both gone to bed early (just to kill some hours in the day) you were still wide awake at quarter to twelve - when a timid knock echoed through the minuscule apartment. Curiosity peaked at who the hell would be calling now; you silently slipped out of bed, managing to not disturb Y/f/n, and closed the bedroom door.

Now you weren’t an idiot. Even though this was southwest london, hardly the capital for crime, Y/f/n lived in a dodgy building with some questionable characters. And it was midnight. Hence why you approached the situation cautiously, tiptoeing to the door and waiting with your ear pressed against the wood.

“I told you she wouldn’t answer!”

“She will! Might just be in the loo or something.”

“Haz this is stupid-“

The air in your chest froze when you immediately recognised the smooth tone of his voice. It was him… and you’d missed that so much. Already there were tears in your eyes and you couldn’t open the door just yet. So no, instead you slid down the doorframe before calling quietly out into the night.

“Tom?”

The bickering on the otherside of the door was silenced, but you heard a quite tap on the door... and could envision exactly what was going on. Tom, pressing both palms and his ear to the door, as Harrison took a few steps back - sensing his work was done.

“Y/n? You there?” He sounded desperate, you could hear the emotion dripping off his voice. It was only when you tried to reply did you realise your own voice was having a harder time speaking.

“Yeh its-its me.” It felt as though this heavyweight that had been pressing down on your chest was slowly lifting, making your voice all cracky and low.

In response, there was a short and sharp exhale. It sounded relieved before some fidgeting as you imagined him crouching down beside the door - mirroring your image.

“Fuck, it… it feels so good to hear your voice.”

“Yours too… I’ve-i’ve missed you.”

Tom snorted at that, a gentle bang allowing you to realise he’d just whacked his head on the back of the wood.

“You have no idea how this week felt.” He was wrong though, you did.

Yes, maybe without the insurmountable guilt that Tom was rightfully feeling, but it didn’t mean that the time apart wasn’t easy.

“I do. This hasn’t been a nice holiday for me you know?”

He sighed, knowing that yet again he’d said the wrong thing. This time though, he didn’t rebut instantly (which surprised you), instead his response was more measured and calculated.

“I am so sorry. And of course, I know because I was the one that hurt you too. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that.” You nodded but given this conversation was happening through a door Tom didn’t see your gentle agreement - opting to fill the silence.

“I um… I’m not good at this whole um… speaking my feelings. But I’ve hated myself ever since I picked that fight with you. It was stupid and uh it-it was all my fault. I’m so so sorry for hurting you.”

“‘Why?” You tried to ask, except the words were stuck in your throat, making you have to clear it before asking again. “Why did you say it?”

“To get a rise out of you. It’s stupid and petty and fucking-fucking dumb. I said it not because I’ve ever thought it, I never ever have, but I knew it’d hurt you. I was preying on your insecurities because I was angry at the world and that was so unfair. “

“No shit.”

Silence reigned as you fiddled with your fingers - specifically with the promise ring he’d bought you a year ago.

“You-you think you could ever forgive me?”

“Thats the annoying part. I want to hate you because you literally stabbed me then twisted the knife but… but all I’ve done this week is miss you. Even when I saw Haz or Harry or Tuwaine. I just fucking missed you.”

“Can you open the door please love?”

Clumsily you scrubbed the tear tracks off your face, scrabbling to your feet so you could thrust open the doors. Because you might still be bloody pissed at him, but at the same time - you needed your Tom. Thrusting the door open, the first thing you registered was being pressed into Tom’s chest. His arms slinked around your waist and held him tight, which you reciprocated, squeezing tightly round his neck. Your senses were all being assaulted by one thing and one thing only. Tom.

He smelt like usual, except maybe the slightest bit stronger than usual - you figured he hadn’t showered in a day or two or bothered with cologne. The top of your forehead was pressed up against his chin, and as he readjusted his grip on you, you felt the scratchy feeling of his unshaven stubble. He kept whispering apologies against the top of your head, almost desperate and religiously.

Arching back, you brought both hands to cup his cheeks, looking into his glassy brown. eyes, which looked so lost and confused.

“I’m still angry.”

“Of course-“

“I’m still angry but I’m going to kiss you okay?”

Safe to say Tom didn’t require a verbal response, taking it upon himself to nudge his lips against yours, yet waiting for you to initiate the kiss. And that you did, everything else about this godforsaken week and a half. His index finger traced the angle of your jaw, whilst he held your lower back tight, pressing himself as close as physically possible to you. Needing you.

Eventually arching back, your thumb ran over his deep and sunken under-eyes, which added so much age to his face.

“You look tired Tommy.”

“Can’t sleep without you telling me goodnight.” That was another tradition you had had. Even when he was away, you’d even set an alarm for whatever bedtime was for the other across the world. Just so you could send a little message or voice not saying goodnight. Was it cringey? Yes. Did either of you care? No.

But since you’d been away all the evening wishes were absent from you. Which hurt Tom more than you may ever know.

“I know you’re still angry but will you please come home to me? I need you to be the last thing I hear at night and the first thing in the morning.”

would love to hear any feedback <333 (but think this is a bit of a shitter so im sorry!!!)

tagging: @lovehollandy12 @pandaxnienke @thegirlwiththeimpala @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @hollandlover19 @hunnybunimdun @crossyourpeter @thefernandasantana@hallecarey1

#tom holland x you #tom holland angst #tom holland x y/n #tomholland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #harry holland

472 notes · View notes

ejzah · 2 years

Text

A/N: I know you’re all sick of me writing about Kensi and Deeks having kids, just as much as you are hearing it on the show. That said, this is more of an opportunity to have emotional Deeks. Also, I’m not hating on Sam here, just for anyone wondering.

***

Drained

“Ok. Yeah, no, I totally understand. I’ll talk to you later,” Deeks said, keeping his tone light until he hung up. “Damn it!” He swore under his breath as he tossed his phone on the desk with uncharacteristic carelessness. Sighing, he ran his hands through his hair, gripping handfuls for a few seconds while he squeezed his eyes shut. His frustration was nearly overwhelming.

“Everything ok, Deeks?” Sam asked mildly. Deeks opened his eyes, turning his head slowly to give Sam an irritated look.

“Not exactly.” He tried to tamp down his anger, but couldn’t completely keep the sarcasm from his voice. “That was the foster agency. Our home inspection got bumped back. Again. The social worker is saying it’ll probably be at least another 2-3 weeks before we get it rescheduled.”

“I’m sorry about that, man.”

“It sucks,” Deeks told him bluntly. “Every time I think we’re finally at the home stretch, some obstacle pops up. Sometimes I think we’re better off just cutting our losses and giving up.”

“Hey,” Sam said a little sharply, reaching out to grip Deeks’ shoulder. “Don’t get yourself in that mindset, Deeks. You gotta stay positive.”

“Well, maybe I’m sick of being positive all the time,” Deeks snapped, his rage returning in full-force. “Do you know how exhausting it is to be upbeat all the time? To pretend like this doesn’t affect me just as much as it does Kensi.”

“Deeks-”

“No, I don’t want to hear your platitudes or your well-intended, but ultimately infuriating pep talks,” he continued, talking over Sam. “We’ve spent the last three years trying everything to have a family and all we have to show for it is debt, people scrutinizing every aspect of our lives, and heartbreak. So excuse me if I’m not the normal, sunshiny Deeks you’ve come to expect.”

Realizing his fists were clenched so tightly he’d broken through the skin of his palms, Deeks inhaled slowly to calm himself. Somehow, he felt worse for his outburst. Maybe because it hadn’t helped anything. He was just as defeated as before.

“I didn’t mean to trivialize your feelings, Deeks,” Sam said after several moments of silence. “Why didn’t you tell anyone it was this bad?”

“You want the honest answer?” Sam nodded and Deeks chuckled humorously. “Because no one wants to hear it. I meant it when I said you expect me to be optimistic all the time or at least shut up about it.”

“Well, you have to admit you can be pretty dramatic sometimes.”

“Right,” Deeks said, quickly standing before he ended up saying something he really regretted. Seeming to realize that now was not the time for jokes, Sam gently pressed him back into his chair.

“I’m sorry. That was insensitive,” he admitted. “I apologize for not taking you’re feelings seriously. I’m going to do better from now on though and I want you to know you can come to me anytime to talk. Whatever you need.”

“Ok.” Deeks wasn’t sure he fully believed him, but he didn’t have the energy or patience for a drawn out conversation. He was almost relieved when he got a text from Kensi, meaning he had a valid excuse to escape. “Gotta take this,” he muttered.

Sam watched him go, eyes furrowed on concern.

#ncis la fanfiction #marty deeks #Sam #Deeks is angry and stressed #Deeks needs some counseling #but then again they all do #angst #ejzah fanfiction

17 notes · View notes

kaywinchester · 3 years

Text

Last Resort

anon asked: Hey! I love your work! Do you think you could do a sister!reader fic where Dean, Sam and Cas are away on a long hunt, and the reader (younger, maybe between 11-14) has a panic attack? Since her brothers nor Cas can help, Crowley shows up... Thank you!

Word Count: 1,762

A/N: I know panic attacks can be different for a lot of people, so I kind of just made the panic attack in this story how mine usually are. I also set this before the boys found the bunker since Crowley is still around. *Also not my gif*

“Hey, wake up.... Y/N c’mon wake up.” Sam said as he shook your sleeping form.

You rolled over to your side and blinked your eyes open slowly, adjusting to the light shining in from the hallway.

“M’what?” You mumbled.

“Y/N, Cas called us. Dean and I have to leave to go help him, it’s important.”

“What’s going on?” You wondered, looking over at the clock on the nightstand to see that it was 2:30 in the morning.

“We’ll call you and explain everything later, but we have to leave. We might be gone for a few days but I wanted to let you know.” Sam said frantically.

“Okay, call me in the morning.” You said, still half asleep and not really understanding what was going on.

Sam nodded and shut the lights off as he and Dean gathered their things before leaving the motel room. You rolled to your other side and fell back asleep within minutes.

....................

You woke up the next morning and sat up in bed, looking around, you were confused as to why Sam and Dean weren't there. It took you a minute but you remembered Sam waking you up. Just as you were thinking about where the hell they went, your phone rang.

“Sam?”

“Hey, how’re you doing?”

“Uh, where are you guys and when are you coming back?”

“Sorry for leaving in such a rush. Cas called us about some other angels that are going around taking people out. Normally he’d be able to handle this himself but they're moving pretty fast.” Sam explained.

“When will you be back?”

“Not sure, but this one might take a few days. Maybe a week at worst, but we’ll keep you updated.”

“What about food?” You asked, glancing at the small motel kitchen.

“Dean went on a supply run after you fell asleep last night, the fridge should be stocked. We wouldn’t leave you alone if we thought you couldn't handle it.” Sam said.

“Okay, well, hurry back.”

“We will. Gotta go, we’ll talk to you later.” “Stay safe, Y/N/N.” You heard Dean say in the background.

....................

It had been 4 days since the boys left and you were bored out of your mind. You had opened snack after snack, watched way too much tv, and even snuck two of Dean’s beers. You knew he would notice and be pissed off but you didn't even care at the time.

Just when you thought you would be fine by yourself, you weren't.

The paranoia started to set in, which happened often when the boys would leave on longer hunts and not take you with them. Sometimes, you were able to brush it off and be patient until they got back. Other times like this, it was like a nagging feeling of terrible thoughts that would set off a panic attack.

There was a string of bad thoughts that kept rushing through your head. Wondering if Sam and Dean would be okay, if they were going to make it back safely, or if they were already dead and you just didn’t know it yet.

These thoughts sent you pacing back and forth around the motel room. You chewed your lip as you imagined Sam and Dean walking through the door with their bags, trying your best to calm yourself down.

You sat down on the edge of the bed as you felt your breathing picking up, feeling so panicked and uncomfortable, being alone for longer than you were okay with. You wanted to call Sam and Dean to check in but you didn’t want to be a bother. Your brothers knew that you had occasional panic attacks, but they didn’t know the extent of them. It was also a little embarrassing, so you decided to keep it on the low.

That’s when your phone rang, seeing it was Sam, you answered almost right away.

“Sammy?” You breathed out.

“Hey kiddo. What’s up?” Dean answered instead.

“Uh, hey.... nothing much.... Is Sam there?”

“Yeah, he just fell asleep in the passenger seat. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, just um.... when will you be back?”

“We just finished up actually. We were able to track down the last string of dickhead angels so were on our way back right now.”

“How long?” You asked a little too eagerly.

“Should be there in about 4 hours, could be less.... You know how I drive.” Dean let out a chuckle.

“Ok great, hurry back.” Was all you could think of saying before hanging up the phone.

....................

Sam stirred in his seat, waking up and turning to Dean to see his phone in his hand. “What are you doing with my phone?”

“Y/N called, she was just asking where we were.”

“Oh. How is she?”

“Good... sounded a little weird though.”

“What do you mean weird?”

“I dunno. She’s probably just getting impatient.”

Sam took a moment to think about how Dean worded that, realizing you might've been having an episode.

“No more stops tonight, let’s get back as soon as possible.”

“Why?”

“She might be panicking a little bit, we’ve been gone for almost a week.”

“She’ll be fine, she just needs to get used to being on her own.” Dean started being insensitive.

“Dean, I don’t think you know how panic attacks work.”

“She doesn't still have those, does she?”

“Yes, as far as I know she does, and depending on the person, they can get pretty bad.”

Dean didn't say anything after that and continued to drive faster.

....................

You sat on the floor up against the motel bed and talked to yourself in your head, praying to Cas since your brothers were still a long ways away. You repeated the same message over and over, expecting to see Cas pop up in front of you, but it never happened.

You started to panic even more that you started to repeat your cry for help out loud, not to anyone directly, but in hopes of feeling like someone was listening.

You weren’t expecting it but someone was listening.

And that someone was Crowley.

Crowley appeared after minutes of you talking, it scared the shit out of you, making you spring up from where you were sitting.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You questioned.

“Well, someone is a little uneasy from what I heard.” He glanced back at you.

“Why are you even listening to me?”

“You clearly wanted someone to, and I was in the area.” Crowley said jokingly.

“Sam and Dean aren’t gonna like it when they see that you’re here.” You said as you backed up out of habit.

“Sam and Dean aren’t going to be here for a while now are they love? I might as well give you some sort of company.” He smirked, as he pulled out one of the kitchen chairs to sit down.

“Why are you acting nice?”

“Who said I was acting? The king of hell can’t do little Winchester a favor?”

“Why would you want to though, it’s pretty unlike you.”

“Let’s say I owe you and your brothers one, I can’t always be ruining things can I? That would just be bad for my reputation.” Crowley sassed.

You scoffed at his sarcastic remarks, then realizing that he did a good job of distracting you from how you were feeling.

“Thanks” you gave a small smile, accepting the nice gesture Crowley gave.

“No need... Well, I guess my work here is done.” Crowley sighed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend.” Before you could turn around to hear what Crowley was talking about, he was gone. Moments later, you heard a familiar car engine pull up in front of the motel room.

Perfect timing.

You drew the curtains to reveal your brothers emerging from the car, with Cas already walking up to the door.

You let out a sigh of relief as you welcomed all three of them inside.

“Hello Y/N.....” Cas paused and looked around with suspicion growing on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I had a sense that one from the opposite side was lingering in this vicinity.”

“Okay, I literally understood none of that.”

“There was a demon here at some point. I’m sure of it.”

“Y/N, what’s he rambling about?” Dean asked as he hauled in the last of the things from the impala.

“Uh, I don’t know.” You lied.

Sam could see right through you face and knew something had happened. You didn’t look okay.

“Y/N, was there someone here? Did something try to hurt you?” Sam asked, grabbing Dean’s attention, stopping him from what he was doing.

“Well, Crowley...”

“Crowley!? Was he here?” Dean’s voice boomed.

“Dean, can you please not make a big deal...”

“Big deal!!?”

“Dean, dude seriously chill out. Just tell us what happened, Y/N.” Sam interrupted.

You told the three boys everything that happened. Sam immediately felt bad that he wasn’t there. Dean was worried that his little sister dealt with panic attacks this bad, but he still wasn’t happy that the king of hell just decided to pop in without warning.

“Y/N/N, why didn’t you tell me over the phone?” Sam asked.

“I didn’t want you to worry. Plus, you were too far anyways.”

“Well next time that happens, you call us, no matter where we are. I promise, you mean more to us than our work, we’d drop everything, even if we were miles away just to get to you.” Sam explained.

“Yeah, what he said.” Dean chimed in.

“Wow, I love how much you care.” You joked.

“You know I love you Y/N/N..... but I’m gonna have to lay down some rules with Crowley, and one of them is no dropping in when I’m not here. I don’t trust that shady punk.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shrugged his arms, motioning for a hug which you gladly accepted.

“Nothing but chick flick moments over here. Get a room.” Dean scoffed.

“Shut up!”

“So, where is Crowley now?” Cas asked innocently.

“Were you even listening the whole time?” Sam asked confused.

“No, there is many things being said over angel radio.”

“God dammit, Cas.” Dean said as he got up to grab a beer out of the fridge. “Who drank my beers?”

“Wasn’t me...” Sam shrugged.

You knew you were in big trouble, forgetting about the choices you made earlier. So you slipped out the front door to let Dean cool down, but he had other plans. Sam quietly ratted you out as he motioned to the door that had just shut.

“Y/N! Get back here!”

Requests are open again!

Tags:

@jackjackljaqui @hunting-the-grievers @susan-is-in-the-house@flirtyonsie @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @justsomedreaming

169 notes · View notes

popculturebuffet · 3 years

Text

Star Vs: Stump Day Review or The Why Are You Booing Tom He’s Right Holiday Special

Before we start a special credit to @jess-the-vampire who I discussed the episode with during the writing process and brought up a LOT of good points that ended up going into this review. She clearly hates it as much as I do and had even more good reasons for it. Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everybody! And today we got a big, fat, grotesque lump of coal to smash to pieces. And after a long, draining, if worth the effort scrooge review, and with this being something I needed to cross off my to do list this holiday season, I put this one here as I could use the cathariss of giving this steaming bowl of elephant piss a good thrashing. As you can tell unlike my usual reviews, I do not like this episode. This isn’t the FIRST i’ve not liked i’ve covered, but it is the first rather infamous one to me i’ve covered and not just a dead possum of an episode I ran into while reguarly covering an otherwise good show like “Quaraller’s Pass” or “Strife of the Party”. This one’s had it coming, making my top 8 worst christmas specials list last year, and while not the series worst outing, that’s a toss up between the finale and marco jr, it’s easily one of them. So while usually I like diving deeply into something good and picking apart while it’s good, if not ignoring any bad aspects, here i’m just going to take a hammer to this thing to explain why it dosen’t work and why it sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms. I might be overstating it a bit but probably not. Nothing really new has happened since the last episode so the only new thing to cover is why i’m doing the episode here instead of after Monster Bash. And the simple reason is that like the Ducktales Halloween and Christmas specials, this episode clearly does not take place in the same time frame of the episode before or after it, with the next episode, The Bog Beast of Bogabah, taking place the day after Monster Bash. It’s most likely they simply held this episode over till Christmas and it dosen’t really fit in AFTER the huge game changer that is monster bash, especailly since the next three episodes after this all take place in rapid sucession, two on the same day one the day after them. So yeah i’m doing this one first and putting it ahead of monster bash on my episode guide for clarity’s sake.

Good, so with all that settled, let’s unwrap this complete works of pauly shore shall we? We open on the titular Stump Day, essentially mewni’s christmas complete with Cocoa, carols and a gay couple and their equally adorable child. And Star, unsuprisingly is giddy for it as the actual chlidren, and wearing an adorable santaesque dress complete with horns on her santa hat. Seriously you cannot tell me tom didn’t get that for her. Fucking precious. Marco is more just confused and has his hood up and one of Star’s cousins asks uncle river to tell him the origin of stump day. River’s response.. is easily the best joke of the episode.

“(in a jolly tone) ha ha, you don’t tell me what to do”

He does so anyway though: Basically when settlers arrived on Mewni they found themselves cold and griping with each other, and soon found a blizzard had struck.. but by huddling together under a magic stump, they all learned to get along or something like that and now once a year everyone gathers in warmth and camraderie.. or else. Before Marco can understandably question what “or else” means in this context, Star butts in when one of her cousins chastises the younger one who asked river the question for beliviing and says he’s real. It’s a nice touch as it fits star perfectly to still belivie in mewni’s horrifying version of santa. I forgot just how adorable and likeable the character was before the final season shot that to hell. How her energy could be infectious and how Eden Sher really brought her all to the performance, which is still the performance of her career and hopefully like Rider Strong she’ll do more voice acting eventually. So that night as Star tucks in after wonderful night of sleep, and to avoid her dad’s usual drunken chorus of Tom Jones “Sex Bomb”, and gets woken up by Marco who leads her to the dining hall because a windows broken to fix it with magic. Star entirely buys this flimsy story.. but as Jess pointed out, and as I missed hence the credit up top... she dosen’t bring her wand. She.. dosen’t bring her wand.. to go fix something with magic. Now i’ll grant next season shows she CAN fully do magic without it, and while not as powerful like her mom still has plenty of punch behind it.. especially when she does the rainbow fist thing. But it’s still.. weird she dosen’t think to grab it and feels out of character. While Star’s learned by this point not to rely on it, and as we’ll see gives it up entirely, one of the few bits of her character development that actually sticks, it still seems resonable she’d take it with her wherever she goes.. and usually SHE DOES. And her jammies, which are also adorable, seem to have pockets so the animators had no reason to not just stuff it in one. It would’ve made their job harder yes.. but then don’t have marco use an excuse that directly requires it then and draws attention to the fact the wand is missing, and the fact you blatantly just hoped we’d forget about it as it’d ruin the climax.

It’s far from the worst thing in this episode..trust me we’re almost there. But this does bring me to a point.. so far the episode is GOOD. The comedy’s good, the setup for what’s about to happen is good, the holdiay setting is warm and inviting but weird enough to perfectly fit mewni, and River, much like his VA and homosexual talking boat portrayer Alan Tudyuk, is a national treasure as always. Whelp it’s all down hill from here bitches! Giddyup.

So Marco announces a SUPRISE PARTY! And everyone’s there: Tom, Kelly, Ponyhead, Starfan14... oh yeah this is the first ep i’ve coverd with Starfan14 isn’t it? Starfan14 is star’s insane fangirl, voiced by series creator Derfron Nercy herself, who star happily tolerates despite clearly wanting to wear her skin. We’ve all been there. Also Jackie is transparently missing, though at least it’s SOMEWHAT reasonable as she and marco broke up a few .. months ago? I mean it is winter on mewni for this episode but the end of season 4 and the series is set at the start of summer, yet months still pass.....

Confusing timeline aside, Jackie has every reason not to attend a party thrown by her ex for the girl who confesed she had feelings for said ex and it’s probably the only good decision Marco makes this entire episode that he wisely decided to give Jackie some space. And it says something a decision made entirely off screen that was probably because the creators genuinely forgot Jackie once she was out of the way so they could shift the love triangle stuff to Tom, Star and Marco instead of you know.. not doing that because most love triangles are annoying at best and utterly insufferable at worst. Case in point this episode but I can give out more about this aspect of things in a bit with more context.

And to his credit, and as Jess backed me up on, Marco’s gesture is genuinely throughtful.. at least to start with. He got her a choclate fountain, brought all of her friends, and geninely just thought Star never celebrated her birthday on her birthday because it was you know the same day as christmas. As someone whose birthday is a week before christmas, December 16th if you were curious, I understand the pain of having your birthday in the same month as christmas. Of having all your presents clustered at once and of having to manuver around a very stressful season, though it does sometimes have perks like getting to celebrate your birthday and christmas, it also means your birthday is secondary and always will be to most people due to proximity. And Star has hers ON mewman christmas, so it’s even worse. So from Marco’s perspective, TO START, his best friend constantly had to share her birthday with her faviorite holiday and just wanted to do something nice. SO FAR, he’s done nothing wrong and just means well. That’s... about to end. Star.. instead of being greatful.. starts muttering no before going on an manic rampage and destroying everything including hte band’s insturments. And apparnetly star’s gotten some flack for her behavior.. but I understand it. To her the stump is VERY real, and will be very angry if someone else celebrates so to her all she’s doing is saving her best friend from the holiday equilvent of the trees from evil dead, and when Marco asks about it she GENUINELY is sorry, getting he meant well, that he was being sweet, and that he did a lot of nice stuff for her.. she just can’t celebrate not because she loves the holiday but because again, from her persepctive, the stump will kill them all if they don’t support it. She is genuinly affraid for her friends lives and given she could go grab her wand and fight it, clearly thinks she, with all her CONSIDERABLE powers, cannot win this, and neither can tom whose powers are almost entirely fire based. Star is just trying to protect her friends from being horribly murdered. And she turns out to be entirely right about it so no, star was not a jerk here. A bit over the top, but she was not insensitive, she was not mean, she just didn’t want a party for understandable reasons.

So let’s get to actually insensitive shall we?! Marco’s reaction to this is at first confusion as he didn’t realize the stump was real, though Tom, Kelly and Pony are convinced it’s not. Also this episode implies Kelly is from mewni, but she turns out not to be so why she knows about the stump I genuinely don’t know. They think it’s just a baby thing.. though in Tom’s defense he dosen’t phrase it that way, thinks star still beliving is cute, which for a teenage boy finding out his girlfriend belivies in santa is very sweet and mature of him, and is trying to be nice about it even if he doesn’t believe. But Marco.. his response to his friend having a good reason for not wanting to have the party.. is to complain about how much effort he put into it and try to guilt and bribe her into having it by mentoining he got her faviorite cake flavor, rainbow. Just.. WOW. I’ve seen some bad turns from characters, but WOWWWWWW. Holy shit.. I mean at least other jerkass marco episodes before this had SOME reasoning to them. Sophmore Slump had him clearly sublimating his feelings for star combined with the usual obnoxiousness of someone having gone abroard for the first time, which as Letterkenny recently went into, the only thing worse is Stillborn Puppies. Nothing else.

youtube

And with Lint Catcher while he was presumptive and not blameless.. river still outright lied to him. Here? It’s clear star dosen’t want this, cake can be refigirated, he only takes a loss on the choclate fountain and he could still just let everyone have some and say it’s for stump day to appease her. He dosen’t have to take a loss on this finacially or morally and there would be no harm done. But that’s.. not what HE wanted, not waht HE set up and he wants what HE wanted, which was to impress star with a thoughtful gesture. But that’s the thing bud: Gestures aren’t about you or what you get. Their about doint something nice for another fucking person. It’s the whole point of christmas and birthdays: To just give someone something to be ncie and to celebrate the day and them respectively. If she dosen’t WANT your gift for understandable reasons and isn’t being rude about it you don’t have any leg to stand on you seflish twatwaffle.

So already Marco is not coming off well.. and if you know this episode you know it gets worse. Oh god it gets worse. So first PONYHEAD of all people calls out Marco.. and for once, PONYHEAD, the most selfish, most unresonable and a character whose tolerablity varies on the episode, tells him he’s being selfish and is only pressing on because of his need to control things. So not only is Ponyhead right but the episode LIKELY wants you to feel she’s wrong because she’s pony which is not how this work as she knows star well and thus, while unaware she still belivied in the stump, which tracks as while it’s obvious she does Pony is so up her own whatever she has that functions as an ass, it’s understandable she’d miss some details. So no Pony’s right, and the fact PONY is one of the more resonable people in this episode is both a sign of the apocalypse, which is thankfully starting to recede, and a clear marker of just how bad Marco’s being if someone who torments him and disagrees with him out of principal is entirely right.

Oh but it gets worse as next up, Tom steps in and tries to get Marco to back out, admitting he told him this was a bad idea. Now granted Tom did mess up by not stepping in to stop this a bit.. but he A) didn’t know how much his girlfriend genuinely belivied in the stump and B) Probably assumed Marco meant well, as would I before he whined about not getting his way, and decided it was worth a try. So he’s not that bad, and while it is a bit ehhh to try and take back credit for this when he participated, it’s still minor and Marco is still being a huge dick who refuses to help shut things down when it’s clear the party is only causing star to have a panic attack and assault some humble marachi players. He sees nothing good is coming from this and just wants what star wants. Also it paints Marco in a worse light as he was warned about this, and was so obssed with making it a suprise party because that’s how his plan went, he refused to just.. talk to her about it. Hell he could’ve just casually asked “Why do you never celebrate your birthday on your birthday”. It’s an easy question, dosen’t give the game away and allows him to gage if this is a good idea or not BEFORE baking a cake , hiring a band and getting a chocolate fountain. Instead he just went ahead with it. And he did so.. because this ISN’T about making Star happy. This is abotu HIM making star happy. Him showing her how thoughtful, and considerate and sweet he is and how he’s always been there for her and how maybe she should be with him instead of Tom. I mean it just comes off that way.. he made it a suprise party because in his head that’s how it worked and she was super impresed and left tom that day to be with him in some elaborate fantasy. Granted the episode dosen’t say this.. but it sure as hell acccidently implies hte hell out of it by having marco act like a selfish ass who refuses to take what STAR wants into consideration, and just wants to get his fantasy back on track. What supports this to me is how he treats tom, you know one of his best friends: He, again, accuses him of forgetting.. then calls him a bad boyfriend.. a bad boyfriend for NOT wanting to force a celebration on his girlfriend she does not want, and for not forcing it on her. For you know GROWING AS A PERSON. Beacuse here’s the pickle pumpernickle: This thing Marco’s doing? Is exactly the kind of thing a pre-character development TOM did, that was rightfully framed as bad. Being controlling, wanting things to go JUST a certain way instead of letting them flow naturally, not getting the hint star isn’t intrested, and not caring about what she wants and only what you want. Marco is doing the same thing Tom used to do. And for starters i’ts already bad because you know MARCO WAS THE ONE WHO FINALLY GOT IT THROUGH TO TOM THAT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR WAS TOXIC AND SELFISH. But apparently when it’s Marco himself doing it it’s fine. If there was ever any clear evidence Marco regressed as a character, there it is. Him actively unelarning a lesson he taught someone else and then getting combative when that person rightly tries to call him out. Marco is just insufferable in this episode: He’s being selfish, creepy and posseive and he’s apparenlty supposed to, at least on some level BE RIGHT. But.. we will get to that. Consider a pin put in this rant.

So Tom overreacts, and throws some fire at marco, which is genuinely wrong and Kelly’s right to call him out, and then headlocks him asking marco to say he’s a good boyfriend. Marco screams out ‘NEVVVEEEERRRR”

I just made this, by hapinstance, while watching the video I put up there. I.. I did not think i’d get to use this so soon but my god. Just my god that’s a terrible thing to say. So the party soon breaks down elsewhere as Kelly is mad at tom for.. understandable reasons again the guy she has a crush on was just nearly set on fire, even if i’m still on Tom’s side overall here, it’s still not right. Janna points out it’s probably because she has a crush on marco, which while acurate dosen’t mean she was wrong and Tad pops out to be upset about that. Even though you know you two are broken up and as Kelly points out he needs to move out. Pony is mad she’s not getting any attention and Starfan is mad because star’s mad. Star results to desperate measures, opening the windows to try and repeate the act of the settlers. She didn’t however count on the Janna factor as she throws the stump in the fire, which is in chracter. What’s not, and again I give Jess full credit for this one, is that everyone just starts.. warming around the stump and not caring like a bunch of jackasses not caring about their close friend, and in tom’s case, girlfriend’s feelings. Also tom and marco apparently stopped fighting just to be this stupid.

But naturally burning the symbolic stump is a bad idea and the real one attacks. Protip: If you live in a world of magical nonsense, maybe don’t discount the magic stump. Everyone’s captured, including moon and river, with River also being suprised and replying to Star’s annoyance at him not beliving with “Sweetie it’s a stump!”. Alan Tudyk is a god and I feel you all should acknowleddge that. But yeah everything seemsm to be bad but everyone apologizes, if not for the right things in Marco’s case, and Tom says “I’m sorry i’m a bad boyfriend!”. You .. you aren’t. You did nothing wrong. I feel like this is tom for the last agrivating 6 minutes of the episode

He did SOME THINGS wrong but he is NOT a bad boyfriend. He is throughtful, kind and while he has flaws, SO DOES STAR. He is not a bad boyfriend for not wanting to repeat past abusive actions! GAH. Let’s just get on with it. They all hold hands, they thiunk this is what made the stump go away but Star is sure it was just going to kill them, Moon and River have a thousand yard stare as they realize they both have to get repairs for this room now and do an extra big stump day next year to make sure it dosen’t come back. And Marco apologizes to star.. for not beliving her. Not for forcing this on her, not for causing all of this, not at all to tom, but for not beliving her while star FUCKING APOLOGIZES TO HIM. Pin removed, bullshit falling to the floor... Trunks if you would.

Thank you. Star DID NOTHING WRONG. Tom DID LESS WRONG THAN MARCO. WHY ARE THEY APOLOGIZING. Why is this little shithead getting everything he wants as the party happens after all, if a day later, and he gets to dance with star, while everyone else is painted as being in the wrong? That’s what makes this special so putrid: that MARCO is apparently in the right for doing the same , if on a smaller scale, manipulative shit tom used to do before he grew as a person, yet the episode sides with him, props him up and teases Starco. If it’s Starco it’s okay apparently and that’s.. not okay. You can’t .. build a ship on a character acting like a jackass. That’s not how this works. Marco was wrong, he was bad and he should FEEL bad. Instead he’s just a creepy jerk this entire episode, being entitled, manipulating star, screaming at tom.. and gets REWARDED FOR IT. Fuck this episode.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I believe I said Fuck this episode. This is easily one of star vs’ worst episode and much like the season after this episode it gets worse the more you think about it. I put it on my worst holiday episodes list for a reason.. and frankly even with the decent first 4 mintues it should be higher. It’s an unplesant mess that throughly ruins Marco’s character and takes him from a kind, upstanding, polite and bright young man to a creepy manpiulative jackasss. Fuck this episode and have a happy holidays.

#Star Vs the Forces of Evil #star butterfly #marco diaz #Tom lucitor #tomstar #starco #kelly #lilica ponyhead #starfan14 #christmas #holidays #holiday #stump day #bad episodes #reviews #animation

82 notes · View notes

ieattaperecorders · 4 years

Text

Something’s Different About You Lately - Chapter 2

The three archival assistants engage in some highly unprofessional office gossip, showing a lack of respect for the esteemed academic institution that employs them.

Read on Ao3

“He’s going to fire me, I just know it.”

Martin sat miserably at his desk - head down, hands at his temples, trying in vain to banish the tension headache forming behind his eyes. Tim leaned over him, casually tossing one of Martin’s little desk toys from hand to hand. It was a stress ball shaped like a Snorlax, and had done very little to reduce Martin’s stress of late.

“Don’t really think that adds up,” Tim said, “why start being friendly if he’s planning to fire you? And wouldn’t he have, y’know, done it by now?”

“Elias, then. He’s going to fire me and Jon knows about it, so he’s acting nice to soften the blow.” Martin pulled at his hair, dragging a few messy curls down over his face. “Or - - or else he’s just happy I’ll be gone soon. Either way.”

“Or, here’s a thought - -” Tim reached over and set the stress ball down on the desk, about an inch from Martin’s nose. “He’s just decided to be nice. Something nice is actually happening to Martin Blackwood but he can’t accept it, because he’s got worms in his brain.”

Martin glared tiredly up through his hands. “I did ask you to stop with the worm jokes, Tim.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Tim put his hands up. “But that’s a thought, right? He probably just feels bad that you, y’know. . . got attacked by a stalker and her army of flesh eating parasites?”

There was some sense in that, Martin had to admit. It hadn’t been long after his encounter with Prentiss that he’d begun to notice changes in the things Jon said and did. Some of them were nice enough - he snapped a lot less, for one thing. He didn’t grumble and complain over little things Martin did or forgot to do, at least not where Martin could hear it. But other things were just baffling. He seemed to ask after Martin a whole lot more. He’d make strange comments and look at Martin like he expected him to laugh. And more than once, Martin had turned around to catch Jon staring at him with an expression that he couldn’t make heads or tails of. It left him feeling scrutinized. As if it was just a matter of time before he slipped up somehow, made some mistake that would upend his life even more.

Oh yes, and then there was the incident two weeks ago when he’d nearly smashed Jon’s head in with a wrench, and he’d said it was fine and they shouldn’t worry about it. Martin almost had a heart attack with that one. And then, then Jon said to call him if he thought he heard something at night? What did that even mean? Was he concerned that his employee would be making frivolous 999 calls from the institute every time he heard the floor creak if he didn’t keep him from it?

If so, well . . . he probably wasn’t far from right, to be honest. Martin had been doing his best to keep it to himself, but he'd been pretty badly wound up lately. Especially at night, when everyone else was gone and it was just him and a thousand files filled with spooky stories to keep him company. And there was always that sensation of eyes on the back of his neck, no matter how many times he told himself that no one else was there.

To say nothing of the creepy noises. It was an old building, and everything creaked at night. The pipes were especially bad, the uncanny susurration of rushing water that through the walls at night. He tried to ignore it, even block it out with music. But as the long, empty nights wore on, it always crept back into his mind. His sleep-deprived brain making it sound like muffled, unintelligible voices. As if there was something just beyond the walls whispering or singing to him. It made him feel sick inside.

He really needed to get better sleep.

Still. If Jon just felt sorry for Martin after everything that had happened, it would at least explain why he was grumbling less and hovering more. Really, Martin should be enjoying the better treatment while it lasted, because he doubted it would stay for long. Jon probably wasn’t going to ever actually like him. But if Martin could gain some ground with his new boss out of pity, well. That was something, wasn’t it? Better than being hated. And despite everything, he still really needed this job.

Tim’s eyes suddenly widened. He gripped Martin’s arm and smiled brightly, looking over his shoulder to the door.

“Hiya boss,” he called, “how’s decoding Gertrude’s filing system going?”

Martin turned to see Jon enter, a rueful smile on his face.

“It’s a challenge,” he said. “I’m afraid it will be some time before we can expect any progress.”

“We really should come up with a name for it,” Tim replied. “Creepy Card Catalog? Dewey Decimal of the Damned? Oh! How about Old Lady Robinson’s Disaster-o-pedia?”

“‘Disaster’ is certainly appropriate.” Jon's tone was neutral, but he didn't hide his smile. He turned to Martin, setting a mug in front of him. “I ah, I’ve noticed you’re always making tea for the rest of us, Martin. I thought it might be nice if someone else brought you a cup.”

It was the mug that Tim had bought Martin as a gag gift shortly after they’d started working in the archive. The one with a black and white pattern that looked like a Jersey cow, with a pink three-dimension udder sticking out of the side. Martin looked at it, then back at Jon who was smiling expectantly.

“Oh. . . thanks?” Martin smiled back, a little awkwardly. “That’s nice of you.”

Jon’s smile widened. It widened a lot, actually. His whole practically face lit up and it was way too much, and it was weird. Maybe Jon didn’t hear people call him nice very often?

"Least I can do. Given, ah - -" Jon hesitated, as if trying to remember what he was supposed to be grateful for. "Well. Given how hard you've been working, I suppose."

“What, nothing for me?” Tim teased.

“Ah . . . I didn’t think to--” Jon frowned, an expression of mild distress on his face. “But I could? I’ll just be a moment.”

Jon turned back towards the break room, and it was clear that even Tim was startled by that reaction. He’d obviously been joking, setting Jon up for a retort or an excuse to complain. It’s what he'd have normally responded with.

“See?” Martin gestured to where Jon had been standing. “That’s weird, right? That’s not just being friendly, it’s . . . I don’t know what it is. It’s an entire personality change.”

“Hmm. Yeah.” Tim blinked at the doorway. “He’s definitely planning to kill you.”

“Don’t joke about that either.” Martin groaned, rubbing his brow. The stress headache had not left, and he doubted it was going to any time soon.

“It starts with tea.” Tim continued, feigning a solemn tone. “Then, bit by bit, he’ll begin slipping you teeny tiny amounts of poison. Once you’re too weak to fight back or run, bam. Briefcase full of snakes.” He shook his head. “The perfect crime.”

"Come on."

"Snakes can't talk, Martin. That means no witnesses."

Martin sighed and reached for the mug. Whatever was going on, he supposed he was at least getting tea that he didn’t have to make. As he took a sip, a familiar flavor bloomed on his tongue and he choked in surprise.

“Yikes.” Tim looked at him with concern. “Is his tea that bad?”

“No . . . no it’s - -” Martin set the mug down, coughing a little, and wiped his mouth. “There’s jam in it. Strawberry jam.”

“Seriously?” Tim wrinkled his nose. “Who puts jam in tea?”

“I do! Sometimes . . . .”

“And you have the nerve to call anybody else weird?”

“I like it! It’s sweet and - - and anyway that’s not the point.” Martin frowned. “How does he know that? I know I never mentioned it.”

“Eh. He remembers strange things sometimes.” Tim shrugged. “He’ll forget that you had to show him how to use the copier, but he’ll rattle off a thousand details about how it works. He’s probably got an encyclopedic knowledge of how everyone in the institute likes their tea.”

At that moment, Jon’s head appeared back in the doorway. “Tim. I forgot to ask. Do you take sugar or milk?”

“Oh, you know it’s both.” Tim grinned, pointing in Jon’s direction.

Jon nodded and ducked back out. Martin looked at Tim, who shrugged.

“Listen,” he said. “I’ve known Jon a lot longer than you. And one thing I can say about him is this - he’s a prick, but he’s not an asshole.”

“What does that even mean?” Martin sighed, picking up the mug again.

“It means . . . he’s just sort of like that,” Tim gestured vaguely towards the door. “He’s insensitive, and kind of snobby, and when he’s in a bad mood he makes it everyone else’s problem. But he’s not mean-spirited. Most of the time I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it, honestly.”

“Realize it or not,” Martin muttered into his tea - - which damn it, was delicious and he was going to enjoy it regardless. “It’s not very nice being on the other end of it.”

“Oh, absolutely.” Tim smirked. “Like I said, he’s a total prick. But I don’t think he wants to be mean. And he doesn’t like thinking he’s hurt someone. You want to know my guess?”

“. . . Sure.”

“The whole worm thing made him take a look at how he’s been acting, especially with you,” Tim said. “And now he feels guilty. Covertly figuring out your awful, deviant tea preferences is probably his way of trying to make amends.”

“Mmm.”

Martin tapped Tim’s arm and looked at the door, which he’d been watching more closely ever since the first interruption. Jon appeared with a second cup of tea, this one in a mug that read “Over Sixty and Still Sexy!” in pink bubble letters.

“Here we are,” he handed it to Tim, looking pleased with himself.

“Thanks, chief.” Tim snapped his fingers. “Oh, hey! Almost forgot, I followed up on Statement 0162102. The woman in Sussex who saw a manifestation in her backyard? You know. The one with the uncanny, owl-like features?”

“Oh.” Jon raised an eyebrow. “What did you find?”

“Well. I looked up her address and as it turns out she lives half a mile from an owl sanctuary.”

“Ah.”

“Went to investigate like you said. Really nice old lady. He scones were a little dry, but she had all sorts of interesting knickknacks that she wanted to show me.”

“Sounds profoundly fascinating.”

“Anyway, I managed to tear myself away long enough to check out the yard. Shockingly enough, found some owl pellets there. So, stop me if you’ve heard this one, but--” he clicked his tongue loudly. “Think maybe she saw an owl?”

Jon smirked. “Another one for the discredited section.”

“That thing’s filling up fast.” Tim observed.

“Quite unsurprising, all thing considered.” Jon sighed, feigning disappointment, badly disguising how smug he was about it. Given his attitude towards the paranormal, Martin expected he believed that every statement should go straight into that pile. “Still. Progress is progress, and elimination is a form of progress on its own. I’ll let you know when I have something new for you.”

“Sure thing. Still waiting for my chance to unmask the creepy old mill owner trying to scare those meddling kids off his property.”

Jon laughed, sharp and loud, before catching himself and putting a hand over his mouth. There was something in his expression when he looked at Tim that Martin couldn’t quite place, and he found himself wondering if Jon had any interest in men. If so, it would make sense for him to be interested in Tim. Everyone was interested in Tim.

“Yes, well. I’d best be going,” he added hastily, nodding at Tim and then Martin. “Work to do. Good afternoon.”

Off he went again, ducking through the door and heading back towards his office. Tim turned to Martin once Jon was out of earshot.

“See?” he said, sipping his tea. “Deep down, the man’s a teddy bear.”

“Hmnn.” Martin fiddled with the handle on his mug. “Well. You and Sasha have known him for longer.”

“We were a duo of infamous murderers in a past life,” Tim said, “and now we’re being punished for it.”

“I suppose if you guys think this is normal for him - -”

He was interrupted by the loud thunk as Sasha appeared beside them, setting a box full of files down on the desk next to his. She looked at them both and smiled brightly.

“Oh, are we talking about how weird Jon’s been lately?” she asked. “Because he’s acting super weird, don’t let this guy over here tell you differently.”

“Right? Thank you!” Martin exhaled, relieved.

Tim gave Sasha an annoyed look. “Thanks, Sash.”

“Welcome, Tim!”

“It’s tough for me to say this," Tim leaned back, shaking his head, "but I’m honestly not sure that we can trust him anymore.”

“Jon?” Sasha asked.

“No, Martin,” he made a show of putting a hand over his mouth, loudly whispering. “I found out he’s got this weird jam thing going on. Highly suspicious.”

“It’s not even that unusual!” Martin gesturing towards Tim. “See, he thinks Jon just feels guilty because I almost got murdered by worms.”

“Well, sure. I could believe that was it if he was just being less of a grouch. But there’s other things.” Sasha leaned in, lowering her voice. “I was talking to Cora today about some of the things in artifact storage? Jon overheard as he was walking by and he got . . . oddly upset. Went off on a whole rant about how there was nothing good down there and it would be better for everyone to keep their distance.”

“Well, I sort of get that.” Martin had been at the institute long enough to notice the high turnover rate in artifact storage. He’d heard stories. “That place is really creepy.”

“Sure. I don’t like going down there anyway.” Sasha shrugged. “But he was so intense about it. Like he’s trying to keep something shut up there . . . not sure what, though. Kind of thinking of taking a look around, just to see if anything came in recently.”

She reached over towards Tim and grabbed the mug out of his hand, taking a sip from it. He glared at her in mock annoyance.

“And you know when I hurt my shoulder just a few days ago?” she continued. “I asked if he’d let me record a statement about what happened, since some of it was a little bit odd --”

“What did happen anyway?” Tim asked, “you keep dodging me on the details.”

“Why stop now?” Sasha grinned, taking another sip of Tim’s tea. “At any rate, he wouldn’t let me just tell him about it. Handed me a form and said that I should write it down and he would read it afterwards. Was insistent about it, too, even though Elias says we should be committing as many statements to audio as possible.” Her eyes lit up. “Oh, and there’s something going on there. Have you noticed the way he looks at Elias now?”

Martin blinked. “Not really.”

“Hate.” Sasha said. “Not his usual - ‘ah, how dare you have the temerity to exist in my immediate area while I’m working’ thing. I mean real, proper hatred.”

She paused dramatically to let that sink in. Martin frowned. He wasn’t entirely sure what it meant if she was right, but he didn’t like the thought of it. Elias was an okay boss, as far as he could tell - not that he had much experience. But there’d always been this edge to him, something in his eyes that made Martin never want to be on his bad side.

“At first I thought it was an ego thing, you know?” Sasha continued. “That Jon had some new ideas about how things should be done around here, that Elias pushed back on them, and now they were having a pissing contest.”

“Thank you for that horrible image.” Tim said.

“But aside from the recording, he’s not doing anything differently. There’s just this tension between them all of a sudden. Feels like something happened.” Sasha continued, taking another sip of tea. “Not that I have a clue what it is. Yet.”

“Okay Poirot.” Tim reached to grab the now mostly-empty mug back from her. “As long as you’re solving mysteries around here, how about you catch the villain that keeps stealing snacks from my desk? Sometimes in front of me, while I watch her do it?”

“Oooh. Dunno, Tim.” Sasha smiled. “Got to deal with one thing at a time, don’t I? Don’t want to overwork myself on an empty stomach.”

“Speaking of . . . I should probably get back to work.” Martin said, glancing at the pad of notes he’d been ignoring since Tim sat down and started chatting with him. “Got a lot to get through.”

Work had been piling up since he moved into the archive. He wasn’t getting the best sleep, and during the day he was distracted too often. Occasionally he’d spot what looked like one of Jane’s worms and have to drop everything to lift up boxes and move furniture, make certain there was nothing there. Not the best circumstances for productivity. Jon hadn’t commented on it yet, but he was sure to notice if he hadn’t already, and Martin didn’t want to spoil whatever tentative good will he’d gained too quickly.

“I can take some of it off your hands.” Tim said. “I’ve got nothing to do anyway.”

“Oh, uh --” Martin hesitated, looking at the small stack of folders beside him. “Are you sure? I mean, if you don’t mind. . . .”

“Sure. Archival assistants gotta stick together, right?” Tim smiled and gave Martin’s shoulder a gentle shove. Martin smiled back, something soft and grateful rising in him at the gesture.

“Well . . . take your pick, then- -” he held up the two folders containing statements he hadn’t started on yet. “We’ve got, let’s see . . . a guy who thinks his car is haunted because it’s been making funny noises and, uh . . . someone who claims her parrot is the reincarnation of her late husband.”

“Thrilling stuff.” Sasha muttered.

“I’ll take the parrot one.” Tim said, holding out a hand for the file. “I’m good with birds.”

Sasha shook her head and sighed. “Is it just me, or have all the cases we’ve been working on been really, really dull lately?”

“Hey, I’m developing a real appreciation for dull.” Martin held up a hand. “The last interesting case I looked into got me locked in my apartment for a week. I’m pretty happy to have something where the follow-up’s probably going to involve recommending a mechanic.”

“Hmm.” Sasha sighed, glancing with disinterest at the files she’d brought in. “Well, I’ll leave you to it. Got some follow-up of my own to do.”

Martin saw Sasha grab her coat off a chair and walk back out the door, leaving the files untouched. He turned his attention back to his own work.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fanfic #looks like i'm still writing this #time travel au

40 notes · View notes

dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years

Text

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.9

Sipping his glass of wine, Lance sat at his dining table. Poor Hunk had been overwhelmed in making sure every detail of the meal was perfect for Shay. Pidge had driven Shay out to his house, she’d immediately started complaining that her security system was offline, and had left to fulfil her quest in getting it back up and running. Shay was in the living room with Hunk, Lance volunteering Hunk to give Shay the grand tour of his house. Lance was left with Shiro for company, his eyes trained on the man’s back as Shiro kept checking his chicken soup. With everyone there, it seemed pointless to go ahead and feed Keith separately. Shiro was making his brother socialise, probably to make sure he didn’t expire from being a baby. Lance had the feeling he’d missed something between Keith and Shiro, their bond deep, but Keith seemed off. Like he hadn’t expected Shiro to take mercy on his undead arse. Did it have something to do with Shiro’s nose? There was definitely a story there.

“Lance, I can feel your eyes on me”

“What happened to your face?”

Whoops. That slipped out, zero filter between his mouth and mind

“Is that something that interests you?”

“If I’m honest, I’m more curious than interested. I’m also curious as to why you’re acting the way you are”

“Patience yields focus. I learned that the hard way, and got this scar for using my heart instead of my head”

Lance sighed. Matters of the heart were always complicated

“Before you continue, I’ve got a confession. I’ve never been in love, let alone had a partner. I can’t offer any advice there, but I can listen”

Shiro glanced over his shoulder

“You’ve never...”

“Nope...”

Lance popped the “p”, Shiro was listening to him, so he may as well admit his lameness out loud

“... I never wanted to take the risk. Being what I am is a curse. I never fed from a human and I never slept with one either. I guess it’s stupid, but I always maybe hoped that one day I’d have that kind of love, but I refuse to risk ruining someone’s life like mine was. You know?”

“I do. This isn’t that kind of love. I had a friend who got himself in trouble. He met a girl and fell in love, she was a werewolf, and Matt wouldn’t leave her to her fate. He was the one who introduced me to this world. It’s funny, when I was about your age we came through Garrison. Me, Matt, and his father. Back then the mobile coverage was poor, we ended up out of contact for a week... Matt’s mother and his little sister really laid into us when we got back”

Any mother would. Who just went missing for a week, and why the heck hadn’t the father called through on a pay phone on the way? Talk about irresponsible

“Shiro, I’m sorry to say, I’m older than you. I’m not 18, and I’m not 26”

“Right. Sorry. I forget that. There’s a lot of things about you that remind me of Keith”

“You said Keith had been through something. Was it to do with your friend?”

“No... No, that one’s a little closer to home. I had a partner, and it didn’t end well”

“Oh”

Talk about being insensitive. Lance felt he should be apologising for whatever had happened to Shiro’s partner. Clearly it wasn’t something good.

“I left him for a hunt, he was killed while I was away. Keith didn’t take it well. He had a hard life, but don’t hold that against him”

“He seems a little high strung”

“You have no idea. He carries the weight of sins that weren’t his to carry”

“Them feels right there. Shiro, can I ask you something?”

“You haven’t already?”

Lance bit his lip, looking down at his hands. The question he wanted to ask seemed like too big of a favour. No. He’d ask Coran, but Coran was bound by as many rules and laws as Shiro was

“Never mind. It’s fine. Just... your friend, Matt... he was really lucky to meet you. Living on outside... it’s hard. I’m sure having a friend he could count on helped”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. She bit him, turned him, and left. The last thing I heard he was travelling to find himself and find a cure”

“And her?”

“He said she didn’t mean to turn him. She left him with her heart broken, breaking his as she went. I don’t know her well enough to pass judgement. Like a vampire’s bite turns a person, a single scratch from a werewolf can too”

Lance shook his head. A bite maybe, with saliva, a scratch not so much

“I’ve met werewolves. It’s all about the blood. Your friend would have had to ingest her blood... I think. I try to avoid werewolves. It’s not my business to say anything. Sorry, just forget that I mentioned it”

“You’re trying to understand”

“It’s been 36 years and I still don’t. We should start setting the table. The others will be back soon”

“Need help?”

Lance raised an eyebrow. Shiro seemed semi domesticated, he’d probably had a hundred fancy dinners back with the other Blades

“You know how to set a table?”

“I know how to imitate setting a table. I do get a bit confused with all the fancy knives and forks”

“That’s easy, you start from the outside in. I bet Keith’s all like “I only need one knife and one fork, let me eat like a Barbarian”

Shiro chuckled

“Pretty much. I don’t think he’d use cutlery if he could get away with it”

“Great. He’s a cave man with a mullet. Fantastic”

Keith was coaxed out his room by Shiro, sullenly sitting across the table from Lance on the opposing end. Shiro seated beside Pidge, with Hunk and Shay sitting on the opposite side. Dinners at his house were always loud events. Pidge had piled her plate high, armed with a just a fork like the heathen she was, she was all smiles. She’d really taken a liking to Shiro, maybe because she was talking the man’s ear off

“I never thought you’d be here again. It’s a good thing you left your camera here. Anywhere else and it probably would have grown legs and walked”

Shiro laughed as he grabbed himself a bread roll

“Hunk said the same. We’re lucky Lance is such an inviting host. Normally we’re too busy to sit down for dinner like this”

Stuffing her face with lettuce, Pidge nodded, the bond between her and Shiro already felt like two siblings reuniting.

Chewing quickly, Pidge was stabbing at her stuffed potato before she swallowed her lettuce. For someone who required oxygen, she seemed to forget that with the speed at which she ate

“Yep. Hunk’s got mad kitchen skills. Lance isn’t bad. Don’t tell my parents, but dinner here is much better than home”

“Speaking of your parents, what do they do?”

“Mum and dad are both professors in Platt. Mum insists on big family dinners, Italian background and all that. I don’t know why though, since my brother took off, it’s just the three of us at home for them”

Shiro nodded along as she spoke

“So you have a brother?”

“Yep. His names Matt. Matthew Holt if mum’s in a mood. Full names always mean trouble. He’s been backpacking through Europe. Apparently he’s too good to contact us now”

Shiro choked hard on the piece of bread he’d just popped in his mouth. Quickly washing it down with his beer, Lance observed the very obvious change in his demeanour

“Matthew Holt... hang on, are you Katie?”

It was Pidge’s turn to choke. No one but Pidge’s mother ever called her Katie

“How do you know that?”

“I know your brother. I’m Shiro. Takashi Shirogane”

Pidge’s eyes went so wide it was comical, gaping at the man sitting next to her

“You’re Shiro! Holy fucking shit! No way!”

Across the table, Hunk looked to Lance, then to Shiro, then to Pidge, then to Shiro again

“Care to share?”

“Shiro was Matt’s best friend. Do you remember that road trip I told you about? Where Matt and dad totally went missing, Shiro was there too! Holy shit, man! It’s been... what? 5 years?

For Lance the revelation made his stomach drop. Matt... Matt as in Pidge’s Matt, was a werewolf. A turned werewolf. A turned werewolf that was distancing himself from his family in the hopes of a cure...

“8, since I last saw you”

Pidge let out a whistle

“Holy shit. Does Matt know you’re here? Like, in town? Dude, they were like besties in high school. Shiro and Matt were always off chasing ghosts, they wouldn’t take me with them though”

“We never did find any proof”

Dirty rotten liar. Shiro never should have said he knew Matt. He should understand what it mean to have someone that wasn’t human in the family, someone naive enough to think there could be a possible cure out there. “Everything on the planet had been gifted by God. Everything on the planet had a cure waiting to be found. It was through God that all things were made possible”. His Mami had told him that, she didn’t have an answer as to if God still loved him. A naive child’s question. Pidge pushed her chest out, sitting a little prouder

“That’s because you didn’t have me. Seriously, have you heard from him? It’s like he’s dropped off the face of the planet. He said he was going to Rome, but that was weeks ago”

“I haven’t heard from him in a little while either. I never thought the little Katie I remember in dresses would be you”

“I never thought Matt’s best friend would be showing up with a scar across his face! Mum would flip her lid if she saw that”

“Would you believe it came from fighting a werewolf?”

Pidge laughed openly

“Only if you believe I’m a ghoul, come to feast on your flesh!”

“I’ll keep that in mind. So, now I know about Pidge, what about you, Hunk? How goes the world of a paranormal investigator?”

Hunk was too busy making “lovey“ eyes at Shay. Pidge happy to continue talking to Shiro

“Hunk’s my wingman. It’s awesome because his dad lets us use the welding gear at the garage. We don’t have the money to buy all the fancy equipment so we build what we can”

“Really? What out of?”

“Car scraps mostly...”

“You do know ghosts are repelled by iron...”

Pidge gaped at Shiro, Lance wished he’d stop feeding her curiosity in the subject

“That are? I read that was a myth”

“Yep. Iron. Have you done any road trips cryptid hunting?”

“Yep! Mothman was a must. We did that one the first year of college. Lance was the only one with his own car at the time. Took us days to get out there, then he got bogged. We did the whole Sasquatch thing too. Not to shoot it, because that’d totally be a dick move, but to take a look around. I keep trying to tell Lance he needs to open his mind and believe more. I mean, even the bible references spirits and tells us no to play with them. And God admits he’s not the only god out there... There’s so many myths and legends, they all have to come from somewhere. But there’s also soooooo much crap out there, and then there’s mistranslations, and people interpreting things their own way... I just wanna hunt ghosts”

“Oh, no. You went and set her off, Shiro”

Shay giggled, Pidge shooting her a dirty look

“You’re supposed to be on my side”

“I am. I’m just saying that there’s no way a whole other world could exist just beyond our fingertips. If there was, science would have proven it. They say all these psychic videos exist that prove people like that exist, but, like, where’s the videos? Why are they hushing it up if it’s the next stage of human evolution. I think it’s even harder these days. The lines have been blurred with cultural misappropriation, and dumb people only wanting to steal stuff because they’re greedy morons. Like, if you’re not Native American, you can’t sage a room, and you shouldn’t be making and labelling any old thing a dreamcatcher, you dig?”

Lance nodded at Shay. In an ever changing world, some things remained. Like stupid people were always going to be stupid

“It’s always the quiet types. They open their mouths and out comes something unexpected”

“I happen to like the way Shay thinks”

Hunk jumped to Shay’s defence like he thought Pidge was insulting her, not impressed and pleased with Shay’s answer

“Aw, I like the way you think too, babe”

Shay winked at Hunk, who went bright red

“T-Thanks”

“You’re welcome. Tell me more about the work you guys do. I’ve always kind of wanted to see it first hand. Do you use a ouija board?”

“Nope. Those things are dangerous we fuck. You can’t control what you reach, nor can you send them back safely. We like to go in and record. See, if a spirit reacts right away, it means they want you out of there like ASAP. Most spirits hide themselves, that’s why you don’t get good readings. I mean, like, if a stranger rocked up at your house, you’re gonna wanna hide from them, am I right?”

“I guess?”

Pidge beamed, before launching into further details about her thoughts on the paranormal world. Lance felt sick. His stomach somewhere near his toes. Shiro had burdened him with a secret he shouldn’t have known. Pidge loved Matt but Matt was no longer the man she loved. She was so eager to be part of that world, she’d let herself be bitten if she ever knew the truth. Matt was doing all he could to keep his family safe from by staying away. He knew those feelings too well, and the internal wounds of being turned felt like as fresh as they did that day. He could almost feel the fangs on his flesh, here the laughter as blood was drizzled into his mouth. Waves of pain so intense they crushed the pain of his sires beating the shit out of him for fun. He’d screamed and begged, cried for his Mami and Papi, only to be openly laughed at. His stomach heaved, vomit barely swallowed back down. Pidge’s voice seemed to echo around his aching head as if she was equiped with a microphone and a thousand speakers.

“Lance, buddy, you okay?”

Smile. He had to smile. This was Hunk and Shay’s night. They were finally going to start dating. Absolutely nothing could go wrong. He smiled at Hunk, picking his wine glass up in what he hoped was a casual move

“Sure, just a bit tired from this flu”

Lance hoped he was smiling enough. His complexion was most probably horrid. He should have slapped a layer on foundation on to give him a much healthier glow

“Are you sure? You’ve gone really white”

“Buddy, light of my life, brother from another mother, I swear you worry far too much about little old me. I’m okay. Honestly I started zoning out as Pidge got carried away with her theories again”

Beneath the table, Pidge kicked him in the ankle

“Rude, much? Shiro’s interested, aren’t you Shiro?”

Shiro scratched the back of his head

“Totally. But, you lost me when you switched to alien encounters”

Pidge wrinkled her face up in annoyance, the pout was strong as she crossed her arms

“You all suck. Except for you Shay”

Shay giggled

“I know, I’m awesomeness embodied”

“You’ve got that right”

Hunk clamped a hand over his face, blushing beet red. Shay giggled again, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek

“I can always count on you, Hunk. So, Lance, have you got any embarrassing stories about these two you can share?”

“Well, the first thing that comes to mind is when we went hunting Mothman...”

Pidge shot forward in her seat

“Don’t you dare!”

“It’s more cute than embarrassing...”

“Lance, I swear I’ll stab you in the eyeball if you keep going”

Shay threw her head back as she laughed. Lance locked eyes with Pidge

“See, Pidge was super excited. So excited that she...”

Pidge raised her knife, Lance holding his hands up in surrender

“I guess I better not finish that”

Pidge had been so excited that she’s gone running off, slipped in a puddle, fallen face first in the mud with her beloved video camera. She’d been so pumped for the trip she’d packed everything but clothes. They’d had to buy really lame gimmicky clothes from the closest service station which had swum on her small frame

“Good boy”

“Damn, Lance. She’s got you trained”

Lance nodded at Shay

“Our little gremlin here can be pretty intimidating when she wants to be”

“I’ll bet”

“You should see her when she hasn’t had her morning coffee”

“I can imagine the horror”

“I don’t think you can. It’s like Satan has risen from the depths of hell to possess her”

Shay kept laughing, Hunk was so smitten with her that Lance wanted to grab them both by the backs of their heads and make them kiss

“Oh no!”

Pidge blew a raspberry at him, not enjoying his teasing

“Merp!”

“Merp, yourself. You know you’re not the greatest person ever in the morning, but we all love you just the way you are”

“I hate you. Why do I hang out with you again?”

“Because you need someone who can drive and lug all your junk around”

Pidge sighed dramatically

“Dammit. Stupid fine print. You know, I can’t deny that”

“Yep. Guess you’re stuck with me”

“Until your uses run out”

Lance pouted, clutching at his chest

“I’m wounded. Years of devoted friendship and this is how you treat me”

“Gotta be mean and keep’em keen”

“Don’t think I won’t remember this. To very last breath I’ll remember how you wounded me”

Pidge snorted with laughter, he loved it when she finally cracked. It was worth all the teasing

“You’re suck a dork”

Lance shot her finger guns, not feeling the least bit better internally

“Takes one to know one”

#once bitten twice stupid #vld #vld au #mpreg mentions in further chapter #vampire Lance #dumarse keith

10 notes · View notes

psychewithwings · 4 years

Text

Choosing Midoriya

It had been 3 days under their surveillance. You thought it unnecessary to have 3 of the most powerful Pro heroes but your mother insisted, it was her duty to protect you. Being the president’s daughter hadn’t really been difficult until now… I guess some of the top tier villains didn’t like what you were advocating for. Although how equality effected them negatively, you weren’t sure. The death threats had come a few months ago but they weren’t taken seriously until they were written on your apartment walls. Your mother cursed you for having to live alone and be independent but you rolled your eyes, “this could have happen even if I hadn’t moved out,” you’d told her. “Y/n, you’re quirkless. What would you do to stop them?” You tried to tell her that quirk or no quirk, a baseball bat to the head was still sufficient but she wasn’t having it. It was that same night, three days ago, you were sentenced to remain inside your apartment and introduced to the top 3 Pro heroes. Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, and Izuku Midoriya. It had been 3 days in your pent house prison and you still hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep. Your mother had you remain in your apartment because if the stalker came back, he could be caught. You were tossing and turning in your bed, trying to calm yourself. Three pro heroes were with you, what was going to happen? You just felt like you were being watched ever since you found the writing on the wall of your living room. All it had said was ‘I GOT YA’ but the writing was big and it was written in blood. After an analysis was done the blood, it was found to be animal, but that didn’t make you feel much better. Okay, okay just think of 5 good things that had happened today… Well, you had beaten Midoriya and Todoroki at mario kart! You had gotten take out from your favorite restaurant. You were actually happy, you felt like you were getting along with Midoriya and Todoroki quite well. Bakugo was a different story. He was rude and abrasive and completely insensitive. For Bakugo the glass was neither half full or half empty, but a fucking useless object in his way of the water. Todoroki was kind but a bit clinical. To him, the glass was neither half full, or half empty, it was just a glass of water. Midoriya was sweet, he was attentive to your needs and your emotions. If he were looking at the glass, it would be completely full. Half with water and the rest full of potential for something else to fill the empty space. He made you feel like you were not only protected, but also making a friend. This afternoon he had watched your favorite movie with you, it was nice, it made things feel more normal.

You felt a bit calmer now but no closer to sleep. You looked at the clock, 1:30… You’d said goodnight to everyone a couple hours ago but you felt more awake now. There was only one thing you could think to do. You stood up and shuffled out of your room and down the hall to Midoriya’s door. To your surprise, you could see his light was on from under the door. You knocked softly as not to wake others who might be sleeping. You heard him approach and he opened his door. “Hey Y/n, everything okay?” He wasn’t wearing a shirt and he leaned against the frame of the door. “Mmhmm, I’m fine, I just can’t sleep. And this might sound weird and you’re probably busy doing work or whatever. But do you think you could stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?” His face broke into a soft smile, “of course, give me just a second and I’ll come to your room.” You nodded and thanked him before returning down the hall to your room. You crawled back into your bed and listened for Midoriya. You heard the soft murmur of voices in the hall and then a door slam shut. Bakugo… He was always so loud. It wasn’t long after when the knob to your room turned. “Y/n?” Midoriya asked into the dark. “I’m here,” you said from the pile of blankets and pillows. He laughed softly, “it’s no wonder you can’t sleep, you’re smothering yourself.” You felt his weight at the edge of the bed. Under normal circumstances, having the number one hero in your bed would feel like a victory… “Is everything okay with Bakugo? He sounded… upset?” Midoriya laughed. “Why do you say it like that?” he asked. You shifted to lay on your back. The light coming in from the large window illuminated Midoriya’s form. His messy curls were falling in his face and he had put on a t-shirt. You were slightly disappointed since his well defined muscles should be shown off more, but his shirt also added the scent of clean laundry to his already welcoming smell. “You can lay down if you want,” you offered. He did and took a deep breath before asking, “are you alright?” Maybe it was the darkness concealing your face that made you feel safe enough to say the truth, “no.” There was a silence for quite some time. You started to worry that you made him feel uncomfortable or something but he spoke before you could. “Do you want to talk about it?” He rolled to face you. You could see the outline of his features in the dim light. He was smiling softly, encouraging you to tell him what was wrong. “I should be feeling scared but all I feel is alone. Even before all of this happened I felt really lonely? And I feel alone now, but part of me thinks that I would feel just the same even if this hadn’t happened.” Midoriya blinked. He reached his hand towards yours and grabbed it. “Y/n, I know exactly how you feel… but you aren’t alone.” He squeezed your hand and you scooted closer to where he lay. It was an unspoken communication, but you knew he was there for you. His presence made you feel less alone. And with that, you drifted off to sleep wrapped in his arms. The next morning you had tried to apologize for crossing boundaries of professionalism but Midoriya had hugged you close to him and said, “I did that because you’re my friend, not just someone I’ve been hired to protect.” He pulled away and you wished he wouldn’t, you felt safe in his arms. You watched his mouth as he said something to you. You weren’t listening. You were noticing how his lips moved when he spoke and you were wishing they were pressed against yours. He was so kind, and it showed in every single one of his movements. His head tilted down slightly, his eyes meeting yours, “Y/n, are you okay?” You closed your eyes for a second, trying to pull yourself back to the present moment. “Fine, just a little groggy…” He nodded then rested his hand on your shoulder. “Let’s get you some breakfast.” His smile simply, was reassuring. To be more complex, it was beautiful. You had spent most of your day with Midoriya, in conversation and in silence. It was during one of your conversations that he had told you to call him Izuku. That night he had slept in you bed again.He had slept there again the night after that, and the night after that. It was starting to become a regular routine. You were beginning to have routine in such a bizarre situation. Todoroki played chess with you everyday and you were starting to get pretty good at it. You would all eat dinner together although, you were pretty sure Bakugo was just there to glare at you and the others. That was your routine with him. Feeling his hateful eyes and listening to his constant and audible scoffs if you laughed at anything Izuku said to you. Bakugo would glare if you passed by or reprimand you if you got too close. You considered asking him about it… you’d considered firing him… But if there was a crazy stalker after you, you’d like him to be blasted away by the Number 3 Hero. But he was so stand offish, you’d tried to make an effort with him multiple times but he was so damn stubborn. The night before Izuku had just followed you to bed but tonight he was taking his time. You went and knocked on his door. “Hey I’ll be there in a few minutes I’m just finishing up a report for the week, okay?” You nodded. “Izuku, you don’t have to, I want you to know that.” He smiled sweetly at you, “I know, I want to” he said and he smirked slightly. What did that face mean? Did he think of you the same way you thought of him? “Five minutes,” he said and you turned to go. Suddenly Bakugo’s door flew open and he stood square in the doorway. “Hey! I wanna talk to you!” he said a little too loud. Your brow furrowed in confusion, he has hardly spoken to you the entire week he’s lived with you and now he wants to talk? “Okay?” “What the fuck is going on with you and Deku? You guys fuckin’ or somethin’?” You were starting to get angry. “Why the hell do you care?” you retorted. Bakugo walked up and stood face to face with you. “I don’t care, I just want to know why you bring useless Deku to your bed every night and never ask Tokoroki,” he paused but barely, “or me.” It was clear from the beginning that Bakugo was used to getting everything he wanted. What was becoming clear to you in this moment was that he wanted you. He felt he was entitled to you. Just then Izuku emerged from his room, “what the hell is going on?” You raised your hand to stop Izuku from standing in. He spent 3 nights this week protecting you, you were going to stand up for him. “You are so full of shit,” you said to Bakugo. You saw in your peripherals Izuku’s eyes widen. Bakugo sneered, “what did you say to me?” You could feel your anger simmering underneath your cold stare. “I said you are full of fucking shit, and let me explain something to you. I chose Midoriya because he is kind and honest and valiant in every way you are not. You of all people have no right to call him useless. You, Katsuki Bakugo are not God’s gift to women. God’s gift to women doesn’t shit talk and has rechargeable batteries.” You took a deep breath and looked towards Izuku whose mouth was quirked in a slight smile. “I’ll be in my room,” you said to him and you walked straight passed Bakugo without a second glance. You had made your point, you chose Midoriya.

#midoriya izuku #midoriya x you #bnha #bnha imagines #mha x reader #good guys do NOT finish last #you prolly not as nice as you think you are xx #More men like midoriya

11 notes · View notes

mou-sukoshi-tsuyoku-naritai · 4 years

Text

About Tegoshi leaving

There is such a huge rift running through the NEWS fandom atm. From what I can see, it does not usually materialize as mean comments but rather in a sort of disconnectedness. Fans who fangirl over Tegoshi’s twitter are seen as insensitive, fans who are conflicted about everything seem to go around in circles of emotional turmoil, and those who are angry with Tegoshi are seen as haters who haven’t understood him enough to support him.

As for me, there are certain parts that I can understand, and then there are many that I don’t.

I understand the need to strive towards your goals in life. I understand that a job is always a job, no matter how deep the bond is that you have created with the people around you. Jobs are contracts, and if you do not want to give what the contract expects of you in exchange for what you get, then you should be free to negotiate your leave. In the case of idols, this is particularly painful because there is not only money being invested but feelings as well. In short: I think it is sad to see Tegoshi leave NEWS but what’s the point of having him when he doesn’t want to be there anyway.

I do not comprehend how this messed up timeline happened. I do not understand how “I want to quit after STORY” (a meaningful event) turned into “I want to quit in June” (a meaningless date). During his press conference Tegoshi said that when the corona measures happened, he had already talked to the agency about quitting but... how is that a problem? He wanted to quit after STORY, so when STORY was postponed, why not postpone his resignation as well? For someone who is so stubborn about making his fans happy and putting them first, and feeding that image of always doing his job with all his heart, I don’t understand how his conviction to finish that tour did nothing for those negotiations. According to his press conference, Tegoshi was worried about the agency suddenly cancelling his contract, but they can’t just terminate him on a whim and without repercussions if it is not in mutual agreement. And “mutual agreement” is one of those phrases that he dropped countless times during that press conference. So he agreed on ending the contract in June, one week before STORY would have ended.

This is the part, where I get really angry because from what I see, there are only two reasons why ending the contract now was necessary.

Option 1: Maybe the agency could have terminated his contract prematurely because of his scandals so he had good reason to fear for his job. Which is reasonable, given that he hurt the agency’s stay-home campaign with his actions (twice). Even if he was preparing for his new job, he was still signed with J&A, so actively (or at least carelessly) hurting their image (twice) is a big deal. He said those “business meetings” were scheduled with his manager but when Tegoshi scheduled them, he didn’t say anything about the “drinking and bringing women along” part... which was a very crucial part of the scandals. Also, calling such networking meetings “work” is quite a stretch. No matter how essential networking is for entertainment work... in times when grieving people cannot attend the funerals of their loved ones and lovers cannot marry their partners, frankly, he has no right to jeopardize everyone’s efforts to negotiate some entertainment deals. As far as I know, meeting business partners face-to-face (and bringing additional people along just to make it more fun) has never been categorized as “essential outings” in any context.

Option 2: Maybe he himself wanted to terminate the contract without waiting for STORY. The scandals put his current job at risk and maybe he had even had some success with those new business partners so that waiting any longer either inconvenienced or even ruined his new plans. Which is a given, I guess, because if you meet up with people in April to “talk business”, you can’t really go back and ask them to hold that spot open for you indefinitely. At this point, he probably had to decide whether waiting for STORY is worth risking what he had just negotiated for himself and at that point, I guess his love for the fans, this plan to say a proper goodbye and his wish to finish that project of 4 years just weren’t worth it, because that could take another year.

That’s what bugs me about this whole quitting disaster.

Additionally, his whole attitude towards the situation after leaving NEWS reeks of disregard, empty words and self-centeredness. He says “I love the members!” but instead of talking to them (or at least being very, very sad about not being able to talk to them), he happily drops their names left and right and dishes out one-sided member ai fan service for cheap awwwwws, while the other members’ only statement was very sad and very broken. Tegoshi breaks rules left and right, talks to reporters and paparazzi that he should not talk to, has photos taken with people he should not take photos with, speaks frankly when he should show restraint... but giving his fans a heads up was beyond his possibilities? Utterly impossible?

He acts like the four-tours-project not being completed is “really too bad” when in fact, it is disastrous for the group. By leaving the agency at that point in time, Tegoshi actively ruined STORY (which is packed with the symbolism of 4 and based on journeys taken together) and burned WORLDISTA in the same breath because even IF it gets released, it’s forever too little too late and there is no way that NEWS could happily promote it, especially because the wholesomeness of those four tours is the whole points... which is now devoid of meaning. There is no way that this project is ever gonna be completed meaningfully and no amount of ganbatte and ouen shiteru will ever help the other three change that.

Tegoshi said that he started to wonder about leaving the group even before those 4 tours started. He prides himself on taking work very seriously so why is it that finishing that one big project is not his paramount priority in negotiations? If Tegoshi cannot fight to finish a NEWS project that every single fan believed he would fight tooth and nail over... then I understand that the agency would not let him do bigger projects either. Because apparently, “fighting for his fans and for NEWS” is a rather flexible phrase that does not involve personal sacrifices.

This concludes my rant. Have a nice day.

#tegoshi #my rant

12 notes · View notes

nights-pdf · 4 years

Text

a/n: this is my first time writing something and feeling good enough to post it. id appreciate any and all constructive criticism. ik im not the best writer and i want to get better so pls share and help me out. ty. i hope you enjoy.

warnings: depression & anxiety are both mentioned. i dont think i went too far into detail but pls be aware for your mental health. also kinda angsty.

roses: a.i.

Ashton and I have never been one for secrets, or at least I didn’t think we were, but things have been different. He has been ignoring me for almost three weeks now, only talking to me when I show up at his house, demanding to at least see him. To see that physically he’s okay. Mike and Luke will only talk to me if I don’t bring him up. As soon as I mention Ashton they suddenly ‘have to go’ and hurry to hang up. Cal will continue to talk to me but he totally ignores whatever questions I ask about him.

I was on Instagram and I saw Ashton on Luke’s story, the first time I’ve seen him in a week and a half. That’s how I ended up on Luke’s porch, working up the courage to ring the damn bell. He hasn’t left you with any options. He’s ignoring you, your other friends aren’t hanging out with you, he brought this on himself.

I press the doorbell, listening to the soft chime echoing in the house and I hear fast approaching footsteps. “Coming!” A voice calls out and within seconds the door is pulled open and I catch Sierra’s bright smile.

“Dee, I- hi.” She says, her smile faulting and my heart breaks. I was hoping she wasn’t here. I was praying that she didn’t listen to me cry about my fear of losing Ashton and then play board games with him the next day. But she was.

“This was stupid.” I mumble quickly, fighting off the tears that are threatening to spill and Sierra reaches out for my hand.

“No, no, it’s not stupid.” She consoles and I shake my head, yanking my hand out of reach.

“I’ll leave you guys to yourselves. Just, um, just tell him that I’m sorry— for whatever I did.” I tell her with a tight smile.

“Si! What are you doing, it’s your turn?!” Ashton shouts from deeper in the house.

“Give me a minute!” She says quickly, stepping out onto the porch with me and closing the door. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could’ve explained it all to you, but it wasn’t my place. I tried literally parent trapping you and Ashton but he always canceled and I— it’s no excuse, but I’m sorry.” She says, her brown eyes softening and I shake my head.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I just—“ I take a deep breath, calming my anxiety while I make an arguably regrettable decision that’ll change my life in mere seconds. “I’m not gonna be in LA much longer and I thought it was insensitive to just drop that in the group chat or something.” I tell her and her eyes widen.

“What? You’re— you’re leaving?” She asks and I nod. “What about the boys? The band— I mean you’ve been a crew member forever.” She adds and I shake my head.

“It’s hard working with a band that won’t talk to you, Si.” I tell her softly and the front door opens. Si and I both turn to see all four boys stuffed in the doorway.

“Dee.” Luke says, clearing his throat and elbowing Calum, who’s beside him, in the stomach.

“Hey, Dee.” Cal says and I smile softly.

“Hey, I was— I was just leaving.” I tell them, turning around and someone catches my wrist. I turn to face Sierra and she drops my hand.

“You tell them.” She says and I shake my head.

“Tell us what?” Michael ask and she quirks an eyebrow.

“I’m taking my friends offer to go on tour with her.” I tell them, turning to face the boys and my eyes catch Ashton’s. “She’s based in New York City, so I’m moving out there.” I add and Luke is the first to speak.

“You’re leaving? When?” He asks and I shrug.

“Probably by the end of the month.” I tell him and Ashton shakes his head.

“You’re just gonna leave? Forget the past what— six years?” He asks and I shake my head.

“You have no right to be mad at me. You haven’t spoken to me in almost three weeks. I only know you’re okay because I see you in their stories. You want to walk away? Fine, but don’t be mad because I’m walking away too.” I tell him, brushing away the tears and he shakes his head.

“You think I don’t miss you?” He asks softly and I shake my head.

“Then why did you leave?! You said you’d never leave! You’d never do what they did to me! You said you’d never hurt me and I fucking believed you!” I let the tears stream down my face, not caring about anything anymore.

“Please, I’m sorry.” He says, his eyes softening at the sight of my tears and he steps closer.

“No,” I step back, “No, you lost that. You lost the right to be mad at me, or to console me, you all have. You could’ve been fucking honest and you all chose to lie to me and ignore me.”

“Dee, come on, we’ve all made mistakes—”

“You don’t accidentally lie to your friend for weeks. You accidentally spill milk, or touch a hot pan, you don’t— you chose to lie to me, you chose to push me away. That’s not a mistake.” I cut Cal off and I shake my head.

“I’m gonna go. I’m sorry for ruining your game night.” I tell them, turning around and walking down the porch stairs, I walk over to my car, everything silent except for the heel of my boots hitting the cement. I reach my car, unlocking it and slipping it. My gaze travels to the porch, looking at the people I had grown to love like family and my eyes stop on Ashton. Luke’s arm is around his shoulder, clearly saying something to him and Ashton’s eyes meet mine. My heart breaks at his expression, the truth setting in that I had hurt him the same way he hurt me.

The thought makes my stomach turn but I don’t have the strength to step out of my car. Instead I open spotify and start playing anything to fill the void. I pull out of the driveway, turning up the volume and trying to silence the deafening thoughts running through my mind.

I’ve been packing for two weeks, and fielding calls from the boys and their management. Well all the boys except one. The one I really want to hear from. The one that would say “stay,” and I would drop everything for.

Maybe it’s good that I’m leaving. I mean, falling in love with your best friend is a bad idea already and although I wasn’t sure of it before I am now. I loved Ashton, in the most inconvenient way possible, so maybe this space will be good for me.

Or at least that’s what I try to convince myself when I feel empty. When the anxiety and depression wins and I wake up in the middle of the night on the floor— typically the bathroom floor— with an empty stomach and pounding headache.

Then I remember Ashton always being there. Picking me up, taking care of me, loving me in the way I never thought I deserved and the thoughts send me spiraling and walking up on the floor again.

I finish applying my lipstick, biting back the tears that I know will inevitably be shed by the end of the night, and step away from the mirror. I grab my clutch, checking for my phone, keys and wallet before strapping on my shoes and heading downstairs.

Everyone had insisted that we had one last night out, a final goodbye and send off before I leave tomorrow morning and I had agreed. I walk out to my car and quickly start the ride to the restaurant. I focus on the music, never giving myself enough time to get lost in my thoughts and I get to the restaurant faster than expected.

I step out of my car and spot Calum almost immediately. He’s turned around, preoccupied with something and I run up behind him, placing my hands over his eyes and he laughs softly.

“You’re a child.” He mumbles, spinning around to face me and I drop my arms.

“You love me.” I tell him with a smile and he opens his arms for a hug. I step into his embrace, squeezing him tightly and he does the same.

“You look beautiful.” He says, stepping back and I smile softly.

“Thank you.” I tuck my hair behind my ear, the curls already getting in my way and he smiles sadly. “You wanted to talk before dinner?” I prompt and he nods.

“Yeah, I have a gift for you and a few things to say.” He says with a smile. “First, I wanted to apologize. I never should’ve lied to you and I shouldn’t have let Ashton. I was so blinded by the thought of protecting my brother that I didn’t think to protect my best friend.” He says and I shake my head.

“It’s okay, I get it, and I don’t blame any of you guys. I seriously don’t.”

“With that being said, I also wanted to congratulate you. I wish you didn’t have to leave but I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what felt right to you, no matter what. You deserve the world, Dee, but you have to take it.” He says with a soft smile and I wipe at the single tear that’s escaped.

“This is from us— all of us— to you. No matter what happens, what you do, we’ll always be cheering you on and we will always love you.” He says, pulling a velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to me. I carefully take it, giving him my clutch to hold and opening the box to see a delicate, silver necklace, a beautiful rose hanging off it and I smile warmly. It’s almost an exact replica of Ashton’s tattoo and I don’t know if they did it on purpose, but I want to believe they did.

I can see Ashton pointing out the necklace with a smile, fully knowing how similar it is to his tattoo and the rest of the group agreeing, simply because of my love of roses. I brush away the invisible tears at the thought, choosing that no matter what the story actually is, that’s what it’ll mean to me.

“Cal,” I whisper softly, looking up to meet his eyes and he smiles despite the tears filling his eyes.

“You like it?” He asks and I nod.

“I love it.”

“Here, let me put it on you.” He suggests and I nod. We trade off once again and I spin around, pulling my hair up with one hand and he slips it around my neck. “Done.” He whispers when he clasps it and I let my hair fall. I spin back around with a bright smile and he nods.

“Thank you.” I tell him, toying with the small rose and he nods.

“It was a group thing but everyone agreed that they’d cry like babies so it was decided that I’d give it to you.” He says with a smile and I giggle. “Ready to head in?” He asks, opening his hand for me to take and I nod slowly.

“I just— is he in there?” I ask him, unsure of what answer I’m hoping for and he slowly shakes his head.

“Luke, Mike and I all tried to get him to come but he wouldn’t.” He says and I nod slowly. I place my hand in his, giving him a tight squeeze before nodding again, this time with more confidence.

“Let’s go.” I tell him and he nods. We both walk into the restaurant, being led straight to our table after Calum gave the hostess his name.

“Dee! You look so good!” Sierra says as soon as she sees me and I embrace her in a tight hug.

“Thank you.” I whisper, holding her tight and she does the same. After we separate, I go around the table, hugging everyone and finally I sit down. There’s an empty seat at the end of the table— the seat that had been saved for Ashton— and the sight breaks my heart. Every time Michael or Crystal address me I have to fight my hardest to not look at the seat and break out into tears.

Despite the nagging reminder that Ashton isn’t there, dinner is amazing and after bidding my goodbyes, I step outside and feel a few drops of rain. I step back, underneath the overhang provided by the restaurant and Calum appears next to me. With almost impeccable timing a crack of thunder is heard and it starts pouring.

“How many times is this gonna happen to us?” Calum asks, shrugging off his jacket and lifting it over our heads.

“I’m starting to think this is just gonna be Our Thing™.” I joke and he laughs loudly.

“Ready?” He asks and I shake my head.

“Let me take off my heels.” I tell him and he nods. He offers his arm as stability and I start working my heels off.

“Good idea.” He mumbles. I eventually get both heels off and with my clutch and heels in hand and Calum’s jacket over us we run off into the rain. “Are you gonna get home safe?” Calum asks as we reach my car.

“I’ll be okay.” I tell him and he nods.

“Text me.” He mumbles quickly as I open my door. He presses a quick kiss to my cheek before running off and I get into my car. I start the ride to my house, driving slower this time because of the rain and finally, in the peace of my own car, I let go and feel the tears falling.

I couldn’t tell you if I’m crying because I’m leaving or Ashton not showing up. Or maybe it’s because the talk Calum and I had before dinner. Or the fact that I always run when things get difficult. I don’t know what it is, but once the tears start they don’t stop and when I stop in front of my house I don’t bother pulling into the driveway. Instead I keep driving, finding myself heading towards the hills and I calm down at the prospect of fixing everything.

I just have to be honest. Honest about everything and maybe, even if things aren’t the same, they’ll be better. I just have to tell him the truth. I just have to tell him that I love him.

I run out of my car as soon as it’s in park, sprinting up the unnecessary long path to his front door and I ring the doorbell, feeling a surge of confidence, anxiety and impatience all at once. I fold my arms over my chest, trying my best to warm up but it’s nearly impossible when my dress and hair are absolutely soaked. I try the doorbell again, the confidence waning and anxiety and impatience doubling.

“C’mon, Irwin. Please.” I mumble under my breath, reaching into my clutch to grab my phone and I quickly dial his number. Unshockingly it goes right to voicemail and I groan loudly. “Irwin, stop being a dick, it’s pouring and I’m freezing.” I mumble, stuffing my phone back in my clutch and ringing the doorbell again. And again, and again, until he finally pulls the door open.

“I told you I’m not fuckin—” The words die on his tongue when his eyes land on mine.

“Dee? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at dinner?” He asks, snapping out of his thoughts and I take in the details of his face. The bags under his eyes are more prominent then they’ve probably ever been and my heart breaks at the thought. His eyes look a bit darker, like they always did when he was upset and I shake my head, pulling myself out of those thoughts.

“I, um, I needed to talk to you.” I tell him and he quirks an eyebrow.

“You didn’t get it all out before?” He bites and I shake my head.

“I’m here to apologize, okay? I’m sorry for whatever I did, I’m sorry for whatever made you hate me and if I could I would go back and fix it all but I can’t. All I can do is apologize and pray to whoever will listen that you won’t hate me for the rest of your life.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard or asked for too much from you. I’m sorry that I was selfish because I was. I took and took and took from you because it was easy, because you made me feel loved and I never felt that before. I’m sorry if I loved too hard or I made things difficult. I’m sorry for every possible thing I did that would have pushed you away.

“But I’m not sorry for loving you. I’m not sorry for giving you everything I could. I wish things could’ve ended differently but I’m not sorry for falling in love with you. I won’t ever apologize for that, Ashton, because I did, I loved you in the most unconventional way possible and I loved every second of it too.” I tell him, not caring about the tears that escaped and I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.

“That’s all I had to say: I’m sorry, and I love you.” I tell him finally happy after weeks of feeling miserable. Happy because I spoke my truth and no matter what happens next, I know I tried and that’ll have to be enough. I spin on the heels of my feet, walking away from his door and almost halfway to my car I feel a tug on my hand. Ashton spins me around, his hands coming up to my cheeks and his lips are on mine.

Once the shock wears off, my hands cup his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer as I kiss him back. His tongue runs over my sealed lips and I don’t hesitate to let him in. My hands slip into his hair, tangling into the rain-soaked knots and he slowly pulls away. “Come inside,” He breathes into the air between us and I nod.

“Okay.” I whisper and he smiles softly.

“I love you too, darling. I always have.” He whispers and I press my lips to his once more.

#ashton irwin oneshot #ashton irwin writing #ashton oneshot #ashton 5sos oneshot #ashton irwin 5sos

2 notes · View notes

bobbiehoney · 4 years

Text

⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ phoebe tonkin, cisfemale, she/her ⊱ i think i just saw BOBBIE LANGDON walk across trafalgar square, singing to SHE* ( HARRY STYLES ). you know, the TWENTY NINE year old MARKETING EXECUTIVE? people claim that they are just like BOBBIE from COMPANY**. it must be because they are CHARISMATIC and INDECISIVE as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at BALTIMORE*** apartment. { violet, 23, est, she/her }⌝

yaaaaa’ll ! hi!! i’m violet! I admined the first little version of this group with fie and i’m so excited to join this community of musical theatre nerds, my fave people. i’m 23, I use she/her pronouns, and i live in the est time zone. i’m a (struggling lol) actress and writer. i’m a slut for any and all sondheim, and i first saw company when i was 16 and I didn’t really *get it* but I loved it. since then i’ve seen a lot productions (except the current broadway cast) and i always find something new in it. I was in a really cool gender-swap-y production of the show earlier this year (seriously it was so queer and inclusive and great) and while I didn’t play bobbie we spent a week just talking about the show and the dynamics of all of the characters and I have many ideas of how I would play bobbie....and muse.....SO ANYWAYS - ya’ll ready for a character study?

bobbie. bobbie, the very best wingman. bobbie, the perpetual third wheel. bobbie, the reliable. bobbie, the undependable. bobbie, the warmest. bobbie, aloof and mysterious. bobbie, the very best listener. bobbie, the cluelessly insensitive. bobbie, the romantic. bobbie, the heartbreaker. bobbie, the sentimental. bobbie, one of the guys. bobbie, the tease. bobbie, the magnetic. bobbie, the zombie.

background

bobbie’s name is actually elizabeth, after her grandmother (her fathers mother), and her grandmother’s mother. but most folks, her many dear friends included, don’t know that. her family never really called her anything but bobbie, and when asked if bobbie is short for something she’s always taken aback for a moment because she kind of forgets that it is.

she’s a born and bred new yorker and while she fits very easily into the london lifestyle, she’s still grouchy about how the bagels aren’t “right”, and things like that. she’s been living in london for about five years now, but she also travels a fair amount for work and visits nyc often.

she was definitely born into wealth, but bobbie isn’t materialistic, really. she lives a very “comfortable” lifestyle, but doesn’t hoard her wealth and donates a large amount of her income to charity. she isn’t financially dependent on her family, and hasn’t been since she graduated college, which she’s a little proud of. is she a yuppie though? a bit.

she works for a large corporation and kind of dislikes that, but she’s very very good at her job. she’s always had a natural ability to know what attracts people, and that translates perfectly into marketing.

I think bobbie had a normal childhood, not a perfect one, but nothing traumatic I don’t think. I do imagine that her parents were pretty distant from each other and that they got a (somewhat expected) divorce when bobbie was in college. she’s definitely an only child, and her parents are proud of her...but, like everyone else, they don’t understand why she won’t settle down.

personality

the thing about bobbie that kind of defines her whole personality is that she is just super magnetic. she’s personable, witty, and people are just very drawn to her. she doesn’t really understand that, though, if that makes sense? bobbie is definitely confident, but she doesn’t really see herself as much different than anyone else. people just love being around her, and she loves being around people.

bobbie is the biggest extrovert, a complete social butterfly and the life of the party. can make friends with anyone. she...really hates being alone, in truth. and has a penchant for hanging out with couples, she’s basically an eternal third wheel, but she enjoys that.

in denial. just always in denial. large capacity for denial.

important: bobbie is an observer. she’s always watching, listening (not just hearing), judging, and taking stock of people. (“she always looks like she’s keeping score. who’s winning, bobbie?”) that’s why she and joanne are the closest relationship that bobbie has in the show, among both friends and lovers. they’re both watchers, they’re like cats. (”sometimes i catch her looking and looking - i just look right back.”) the emotional climax of the show happens because of joanne.

the wild thing about company is that you’re mostly told and not shown what bobbie’s personality is like, because the scenes are focused on the couples/dates and the songs are introspective thoughts. the couples describe bobbie as being dependable, helpful, loving, and basically the glue that keeps their lives together. the three characters that bobbie has romantic relationships with describe her as withholding, cold, and undependable. that’s because that’s the two sides of the bobbie coin, if you will.

bobbie is an incredible friend. the four couples in the show are definitely her best friends in the world, and she would go anything for any of them. but they are definitely the only people the bobbie is dependable with, aside from her family. she also loves them dearly but sometimes she is this meme after hanging out with them or their kids lol. she says yes to them way too much and sometimes she is....incredibly burnt out and overwhelmed.

she’s an amazing friend, but one things change from platonic to romantic, she’s usually pretty quick to flee. she doesn’t know why. she tells herself that they just weren’t the one, that it just wasn’t meant to be because if it was she wouldn’t run so hot and cold. she’s very affectionate and charming with her lovers, she almost always seems to share a connection with them, and then she disappears. no one ever really knows why. she feels bad ghosting people, but she always says it’s for everyone’s best interest.

in all honesty bobbie could have settled down, she did find someone who could have been her “one” in pj/kathy. they both wanted to marry each other, but neither made the move, and bobbie feels deep regret for that. so the problem is her, not anyone else. she just can’t commit.

bobbie probably drinks too much, but she says it’s okay because she’s a fun drunk and she rarely gets sloppy. but she drinks too much.

bobbie definitely has bad impulse control, and often doesn’t really think things through, especially when she’s hit with a big emotional shift. i.e. when she proposes to amy/jamie in the show.

she’s lowkey kind of a square.....like she definitely smokes weed (canon!) and drinks but she also refuses to smoke a cigarette when joanne pressures her to (which, i get is an emotional thing and not really about the cigarette but stick with me here) and she’s very put off by peter and susan’s polyamy so AND she’s super taken aback by how *radical* and *wild* marta/theo is (which...isn’t much these days, it’s all just kind of aged material lol)......bobbie is not *as* cool as she thinks.

a line I always keep in mind about bobbie, which paul says - “a person like bobbie doesn’t have the good things, and she doesn’t have the bad things. but she doesn’t have the good things.”

notes on company (mostly for anyone who might consider playing a character from the show)

i’m playing bobbie at 29 about to turn 30, rather than 34 about to be 35. honestly i just had trouble finding the perfect fc, and so i aged her down. (why doesn’t aubrey plaza have more resources? ugh!)

she’ll turn 30 eventually, but whooo i just wanna have fun being dumb bobbie before she becomes slightly more evolved bobbie.

my bobbie is VERY bisexual. I would really enjoy a mix of the original genders of bobbie’s lovers and the revival’s. so april/andy, pj/kathy, and marta/theo are all welcome! as is jamie/amy. (though honestly I would prefer an amy) and i would like to keep the romantic/sexual undertones with joanne, if possible, unlike the revival. (& her lil flirtation with jenny because idk if they change that to david in the revival or not?) my version of bobbie would basically sing about all of her pals in “someone is waiting”, she sees things that she loves about all of them and would want in a partner.

connection ideas (I am very bad at these but i’ll try to think of more)

bobbie would have a million acquaintances. from work, from the grocery store, from the tube. she talks to strangers, she flirts with everyone she encounters, even if she is silently judging them at times. but she’s nice, I promise.

friends! of course, all of the friends. let’s see how they could know eachother!

bobbie is definitely besties with her neighbors, or tries to be.

look...bobbie dates casually, multiple people at a time, always. i’m open to all sorts of different relationship dynamics! bobbie may or may not break their heart a little bit though, i’ll warn ya’ll lol.

and of course!!! SPURNED LOVERS or exes of any type and on any terms!

#this only took 200 years i'm so sorry i just have a lot of THOUGHTS

4 notes · View notes

stevenuniversallyreviews · 5 years

Text

Episode 121: Rocknaldo

“I don't love that. I don't accept that.”

Ronaldo Fryman has always been annoying.

From his first speaking role in Cat Fingers, and his first starring role in Keep Beach City Weird, this has been obvious. He’s selfish and insensitive, dominating every conversation he’s a part of and refusing to respect viewpoints that differ from his. He works well in small doses, where his grating nature can be properly diluted, so it’s understandable that an entire episode of Ronaldo at peak Ronaldo is not a widely beloved entry in the Steven Universe canon. But even though I can’t stand watching Rocknaldo, I actually, uh, kind of love it.

That’s a hard “uh, kind of” though. It’s tough to separate my emotions about this one, because I respect such an incredible portrayal of toxic fandom, but I hate toxic fandom so much that I don’t enjoy spending time with it, even as parody. This isn’t an episode I’m ever in the mood for, but it’s just so good at what it’s doing that I can’t stay mad at it.

Ronaldo’s propaganda is first played for laughs, with Steven’s bewilderment at what he’s reading (“They’re adding mind-controlling minerals to our water suppl—they hate men?”) and the vaudevillian back and forth of Ronaldo’s Rock People talking points and Steven’s quick and absolute dismissals. Ronaldo’s embarrassment is a bit of a surprise considering he’s never seemed capable of such a sensation, and his willingness to admit he’s wrong seems like a good sign, but oh boy does that attitude not last.

The mindset that led Ronaldo to make his bad faith arguments in pamphlet form (which he calls Ronalphlets because heaven forbid we get the idea that it’s not about him) persists, and it’s so much worse in conversation than as printed media. It’s not enough that he impedes on Steven’s personal space, but he checks off multiple key items on the Pathetic Internet Troll I Find Useless List (or “PITIFUL” if we’re using proper jargon). He’s casually sexist. He negs Steven into accepting his intrusions. He gatekeeps the concept of being a “true” Crystal Gem, which is lousy in a bubble but so much worse in practice because he’s doing it to an actual Crystal Gem. He gaslights by stating his incorrect views as obvious facts, complete with his own lingo, to make Steven question his own validity. And perhaps worst of all, he takes advantage of Steven’s empathetic nature to pretend that a tolerant person must accept abuse.

On the one hand, Ronaldo’s extreme behavior can be chalked up to severe sleep loss; that’s certainly the angle the episode goes for. But on the other, his toxicity begins well before he decides to stop sleeping, and as someone whose record for consecutive waking hours is an inadvisable thirty-six, fatigue will make you cranky, but it won’t make you more conniving. In cartoon world it’s a clean device to up Ronaldo’s awfulness in a way we can walk back from, but ugh he’s still a trashfire. Zach Callison always deserves kudos, and Rocknaldo is no exception, but Zachary Steel wins out here for capturing such a loathsome version of his character.

A key ingredient for Rocknaldo is timing. Steven just had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and this is our first glimpse at how it’s changed him, so what better way to test our all-loving hero than to pit him against a black hole of selfishness? He’s grown a lot since Keep Beach City Weird in a way Ronaldo hasn’t, and while his instinct is still kindness, now there’s a welcome dose of teen moodiness mixed in.

It takes a while for Steven to realize it’s a grift, but beyond this slowness being a necessity for the conflict of the episode to work, it makes sense for where he’s at this point in the show. Again, kindness is an instinct for this kid, and even when Ronaldo starts getting infuriating, we’ve seen Steven be patient with him before. He’s also got that martyr complex revved up: this isn’t the first or last time he’s been willing to suffer to make someone else comfortable. He knows how much it sucks to be called the wrong name by now, so he’s the only person who consistently calls Ronaldo “Bloodstone.” And considering Rose Quartz wasn’t what he thought, he now feels that he must double his efforts to be his best self to compensate.

Also important is Steven’s willingness to defend his friends from the start, calling the term “Rock People” offensive and defending the Gems’ decision to leave Ronaldo behind on a dangerous mission. He can take Ronaldo’s lousiness all day, but finally snaps when Connie’s worthiness is insulted. It’s sweet that he sticks up for people, but it’s a bummer that he probably would’ve put up with Ronaldo even longer if the only one suffering was himself. Steven would do anything for his friends, but he’s not doing much for Steven.

This is why Ronaldo is the ideal antagonist for an episode coming off Steven’s space adventure. Steven’s selflessness contrasts perfectly with Ronaldo’s selfishness, but instead of a story about selflessness being good and selfishness being bad, we see how selflessness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yes, it’s good to care about others, but it’s also important to have boundaries and enough self-respect to defend yourself; this isn’t even the first time we’ve gotten this message, but it bears repeating. There’s are limits to tolerance that trolls will always exploit (“White Nationalists aren’t welcome here? So much for the ‘Tolerant Left!’”), and on a show about empathy we need for Steven (and the audience) to see that empathy doesn’t mean being a doormat.

Steven’s patience fuels the episode, but the wheels are greased by the Amethyst and Pearl’s disdain. It’s a minor part of Rocknaldo, but I’m not sure I could survive how grating Ronaldo is without some backup from the Gems.

Garnet may lead a slow clap at Steven’s rousing speech on the nature of acceptance, but Amethyst is happy to crack jokes at Ronaldo’s self-seriousness, down to that perfect impression near the end of the episode. Meanwhile, Pearl openly hates the guy. We don’t even get Sassy Pearl (perhaps the greatest Pearl of all), she’s just bluntly dismissive as a refreshing antidote to Steven’s hospitality. She doesn’t bother to remember his ridiculous new name because she refuses to humor the notion that he’s a Gem, and it totally works for me; misnaming is played for drama when Steven is concerned, as befits the trans allegory that comes to a head in Change Your Mind, but Ronaldo is a human belittling Steven’s identity by pretending he shares it, so “Bloodstone” isn’t worth getting right to her (it helps that “Fryrocko” is also a delightful thing to call somebody). This jokey take on names works in the moment, but more importantly primes us for a more serious take in our last scene.

The final conversation, after a rare time jump, does salvage Ronaldo somewhat. He apologizes and admits he was acting like a jerk, and remains dedicated to helping the Crystal Gems in his own weird way. But the root of his problem isn’t gonna up and go away, and that root, again, is selfishness. He doesn’t fit in because he would rather the world adjust to meet his whims than take a single step towards self-improvement, so he chooses to see himself as “the ultimate outsider.” I guess it’s nice to find a positive spin on qualities you’re not great at, but it reeks of self-importance in a way that’s true to the character but is still frustrating to watch. Ronaldo is very good at being who he is, but I just don’t have much patience for intentionally annoying characters.

Still, we get that lovely moment of Steven talking about his name; it’s not a big revelation that folks only call him Rose Quartz when they’re mad at him, but verbalizing it shows that he’s aware of the pattern. The issue of his name will pop up more and more, becoming a cornerstone of both the Season 4 and Season 5 finales, so it’s nice to discuss it in a calm moment so we can keep Steven’s opinion in the back of our minds when things get messy. Ronaldo, to his credit, asks permission before sharing this story on his pamphlet, and evokes fellow emotionally-challenged antagonist Zuko in his attempt at solidarity. (Fun fact: in no other way is Ronaldo similar to Zuko.)

Moving from Zuko to Zuke: I don’t know where Rocknaldo’s production lined up on the timeline of the Steven Universe fandom's worst elements harassing Jesse Zuke, but I hope Zuke got some level of catharsis in portraying such “fans” in this pathetic manner. Speaking as a guy with a blog, calling Ronaldo “just a guy with a blog” is perfect putdown for a loser that makes himself feel big by pretending to know how to run a ship better than the captain. Imagine if I spent every post saying how much better of a storyteller I am than this crew. Ugh.

Fandoms can do great things, but man are they pros at doing horrible things. During the week that I wrote this review, a 15-year-old Super Smash Bros player got yelled off the internet for beating an established player in an incredible fashion, because while the community adores a young upstart, they can’t stand when that upstart is a girl. And no, I’m not saying the entire fandom did it, just as the entire Steven Universe fandom didn’t target one of the show’s best boarders (note that this article was written when Zuke still went by Lauren), but there are more than enough Ronaldos in every community, and it’s up to people who comprehend the basic tenets of empathy provided by a show they claim to love to stand up to such bullies.

If you don’t like Rocknaldo, that’s just fine. Because you shouldn’t like how Ronaldo acts in it. Liking something doesn’t give you the right to harass people, so do your part in shutting that nonsense down.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

Just give us an episode with Peridot, Yellow Pearl, Peedee, and Ronaldo trapped in a room already.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I hate watching this episode, but that doesn’t mean I hate the episode. It does its job very well, which is worthy of admiration even if I’m probably never going to watch it again now that this review is done.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Rocknaldo

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

6. Horror Club 5. Fusion Cuisine 4. House Guest 3. Onion Gang 2. Sadie’s Song 1. Island Adventure

#rocknaldo #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

45 notes · View notes

rocketpowerreg · 5 years

Text

and we fall apart so easily → task tuesday #4 (pt 2)

TAGGING→ @rocketpowerreg, Jinny Edwards (npc/ex-girlfriend) TIME→ Summer 2014 LOCATION→ Reggie & Jinny’s shared apartment, Evanston, Illinois NOTES→ Once upon a time, Reggie was a relationship prone person. This is the narrative about the day that forever changed this about her-- the day she and her girlfriend of three years called it quits and never spoke again TASK TUESDAY TRAITS → anxious, explosive, insensitive, negative, stubborn

“You remember when we took this, right?”

“Yeah.”

“It was the first time you told me you loved me. We weren’t even really dating then... Now that I think about it, we had just had our first kiss like two weeks before it. You were such a sap that whole summer, Reg, it was so cute.”

“I know.”

A brief pause.

“What in the world were you thinking? Like really, baby, how did you know you were in love with me so fast? You’ve never told me.”

“I don’t know.”

A longer pause. A quiet sigh.

“I love how happy you--... how happy we look.. I think this might be my favorite picture of us. I definitely thought that back then, too.”

Finally, after all her efforts, Reggie turned to look at her girlfriend sitting beside her on the couch. She couldn’t turn much given her leg was covered in a cast, elevated on the coffee table in front of her. It seemed to prevent her from lots of things-- it didn’t stop her mouth from saying terrible things though.

“Then why didn’t you ever put it up anywhere?” Reggie questioned, her expression so blank that it seemed misplaced she was able to think of such a low blow.

“That’s... not fair. You know why I didn’t.” Jinny replied, the softness she had now replaced with the distant, vacant look Reggie had grown much more used to seeing lately. God, she hated that look. So why was she pushing to make it happen?

“I’m just saying, Jin, we’ve lived here almost a year, and I don’t see it framed on the wall. Or even hanging on the fridge. It’s there, on your phone, probably hidden in the same folder you put it in so your mom wouldn’t find it. Like its always been.” Reggie’s head turned back towards the screen of her laptop, playing a movie she had long since stopped paying mind to. Right now it was especially so as her brow furrowed in frustration at herself. What kind of person snapped at someone who just trying to help?

“All I did was show you a picture. You don’t have to be so cruel just because I want you to be happy about life. Is that really so bad of me?” Jinny gave an expectant look but nothing came, so she kept going, “No, it isn’t. So stop being such an asshole, Regina. I don’t deserve this.”

Reggie knew she was right, Jinny didn’t deserve this. She hadn’t deserved any of this on her, yet neither had Reggie. None of it was fair. It was frustrating and infuriating and all the unsaid things between them had been rising up. Especially since Reggie had come to hate being called Regina as of late. Having doctors say it over the months while delivering bad news after bad new caused it to leave a sickening taste in her mouth. Then again, almost everything seemed to be doing that lately.

“You can just drop the act, Jenna, I know you don’t want to be here.” Reggie snapped, rolling her eyes and shaking her head before looking back at her, “I heard you on the phone earlier saying you’d rather be going out with whoever it was instead of here with me. So I’ll make it easy for you-- since I sure am not going to act like things are fine, you don’t have to either. Go out with your friends, guilt free. Don’t let your patient hold you back from doing what you want. It’s not like you have the last few months.” With how decisive Reggie sounded, it was no wonder Jinny couldn’t help having her own biting words back.

“You were listening to me on the phone? Seriously Reggie? What’s your problem?” Jinny’s voice had turned into that shrill, annoyed tone she almost always had now. It was heartbreakingly laughable to think about how happy Reggie used to be able to make it sound, “You weren’t supposed to--...Ugh,” Jinny had moved away from Reggie on the couch, she noticed. More in the corner, away from her, putting space between them. Reggie noticed it, but didn’t stop it. Much like when she hadn’t stopped it from happening in the bed they shared, “What do you want me to do? Apologize for not wanting to just sit around and be a miserable person all the time like you are, Reg? For having friends that want to see me? For having a life? Because I’m not going to. I’m sorry you’re so unhappy, but I’m not going to let your negative energy drag me down all the time. I was just trying to help you see at least we still have each other.”

Considering how lonely Reggie felt all the time now a days, hearing Jinny mention they had each other was just too much.

“You know what? Let me fucking apologize then. I’m sorry for dragging you fucking down. I’m sorry that I keep you from getting to spend time with the people you’d rather be seeing. I’m sorry I’m in too much fucking pain all the time to be able to be someone you like being around,” Reggie shot back, tears starting to sting as her mind was getting muddled. The issue with Jinny trying to reminisce about the past of North Carolina was the fact that Illinois was supposed to be their good place. Living together in Evanston, going to the same college, this was supposed to be the best time in their relationship and lives. Not when they were 16 and having to hide to be together. That was supposed to be the hard part, and now look at them. Broken. Just like Reggie was. Just like their future kept getting more and more each day.

“Reg, stop.”

“Why? I’m just saying the things you won’t say to me, but are clearly fucking thinking. And saying to everyone else. The problem is Jin, you don’t hide it as well as you think. Hearing that wasn’t a surprise. You’ve been looking at me like a charity case since we got here. Either you’re here and won’t leave me alone, or you’re not here and it’s like I don’t exist. I’m only your girlfriend when it’s convenient for you. Just like it was back home, but at least back then I knew how you felt. At least I knew you loved m-”

It wasn’t Reggie who stopped herself from talking, it was the smack that grazed across her cheek that did.

The silence that a came afterwards was the most deafening of all. But it was much more preferred than the words that came after.

“How dare you say any of that to me. How dare you say I don’t love you when you don’t even know everything I gave up and did just to be with you, Reggie! Northwestern was supposed to be my dream school, and I just sat around hanging out with you for months getting nothing to work with. Nothing. I tried to give you a chance to let me in, but it got really lonely. ” Her anger reached a point where Jinny was standing up from the couch and looking down at Reggie. Her eyes practically on fire, despite the wall of moisture that also seemed to be there, “I don’t talk to any of my friends from Carolina, Reg, like none of them-- I’ve barely even talked to my parents since I came out. And when I do, they ask me why I’m with you. Why I decided you were worth it. And do you know what I tell them? How you’ve always been there for me. You’ve always been so good to me no matter how hard things were for you and us. You’ve always been such a loving person and I really thought that’s who you were. But I must be crazy because I haven’t seen that girl since we got here.” Jinny had been saying kind words about Reggie, but how they came out was bitter. Angry. Almost as if disgusted with herself for thinking such things. It made Reggie feel like every would-be-compliment was nothing was actually an insult, thus her final words were salt to the wound. “Do you know why that picture isn’t up? Maybe I’ve started to realize that this spiteful, awful person is who you actually are, and I don’t think I want anything to do with this Regina.”

Reggie had kept eyes on Jinny, but she wanted to tear them away. She didn’t like being forced to look up at her like this given she was confined to the couch. Nor did she like how Jinny looked, for it was different than how she had ever stared at Reggie before. It was the most focused Jinny had been on her in awhile, yet it felt wrong. It made her sit there silently and listen, despite how quickly her temper was rising. And now that the air was filled with the statements she had made, Reggie couldn’t stop her explosive reaction.

“You’re such a damn liar, Jin.” Was the first thing she said, and she wished the words could be taken back. Except instead, more were flowing out, “You haven’t just started to realize it. You realized it months ago, you realized it the moment we moved in and you realized you were gonna be stuck with me. And you dreaded it, you fucking dreaded it, but didn’t want to say it, because you didn’t want to seem like a bad fucking person. That’s always been your concern, how people fucking see you. You didn’t want to admit that sometimes shit sucks, so you’ve just been doing this. Pretending like you give a fuck. Pretending like there’s still hope for things to be better and for shit to work out. But unlike you, I’ve known that for a long time that’s not true. A long fucking time. So stop trying to shove that bullshit down my throat since this ‘Regina?” Reggie sneered, “She’s god damn sick of it.”

The pained, confused look on Jinny’s face matched the emotional mess that was inside of Reggie’s heart. The pair had fought over the months, but they had never said nasty things about each other. They had never reached this level. It was always just small fights of either having too much space or too little space with one another. Not sinking to the points of telling each other how awful the other was making them feel.

“I can’t... I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Tears were falling down her face. Her voice was angry, though it was shaky. Jinny was in disbelief. In truth, so was Reggie. It hurt to have how shattered they were all on display like that. It hurt because it felt like it was all her fault. As if every bit of this anguish could have been avoidable if Reggie had just not had her accident. That the type of person she was now was the reason thing weren’t working. It pissed her off, but mostly, it hurt. It hurt deeply.

“Do whatever you want, Jenna. I don’t care. It’s your life.” Reggie said in a sigh, closing her laptop that had long since been ignored and reaching for her crutches. She stood up, locking eyes with Jinny’s own tear-filled ones. The sight was making her heart crack, yet her face remained so expressionless. It maybe seemed like Reggie had no heart to begin with because of it. The only reason she knew it wasn’t was because it was beating so violently against her chest, as if trying to beat sense into her.

“Why are you being like this?” Jinny questioned in a breath.

Despite what it seemed in this moment, Reggie did love Jinny. She had fallen in love with the very girl she had all but tore apart with her words. It was hard to believe Reg would still say she loved her more than she’d ever loved anyone. Where forever meant nothing without Jenna Edwards around. So how could she possibly be doing this? How could someone be making the person they loved feel just as small and insignificant as they did. Surely a person like that, a person like Regina Cliffton, didn’t deserve someone good like her. That much seemed clear. Painfully clear.

“Maybe it’s like you said, maybe I've always been this way.” Reggie offered in a scarily even tone.

A long pause.

“I... I hate you.”

A brief pause.

“I know.”

A defeated sob. Rush footsteps. A door slam.

And this time, nothing broke the silence the fell upon the apartment.

#acup: task4 #acup: inspo #*para: all #*para: solo #*para: 014

11 notes · View notes

nikatyler · 6 years

Photo

I’ve been feeling a little meh about my blog and everything lately, though that might just be another result of me being very stressed out these days. It’s less than two weeks until my prom. Oh, yeah, here in my country we usually have senior proms during months from October to February. Mine is in the beginning of November. I’m actually going to some of my former classmates’ proms as well, this Saturday and then in December, and who knows, I might throw some more in. My anxious ass will hate me for this when the date comes closer. I apparently like to suffer.

I’m also going to an eye doctor tomorrow and I’m a little scared. I haven’t been there for a while and I think my eyesight got worse. But hey, whether it actually got worse or not, I’ll have new glasses. That’s good. I need new ones.

As for the blog, I’ve been slowly but surely working on Roses again. Gen 6. It’s kind of a lot at the moment but I’m just out of practice, I guess. There’s too many sims in the household. The high school story, well...chapter three is coming soon and I’d like to get two more out until the end of 2018. Not sure if I’ll be able to do that after all but I’ll try. I care about that story and its characters way more than I should but what else is new. I know that for you, it’s probably not the most exciting thing ever but listen...some of the dialogues are my best work, okay? Give it a try.

ALSO I FINALLY WATCHED STRANGER THINGS AND IT WAS PERFECT I LOVE IT I NEED MORE PLEASE AND THANK YOU

calm down ron

Replies now.

melien replied to your photoset “In attempts of being a little more like her “superhuman friend”...”

Tag yourself I'm Val

Honestly who isn’t on this website? I feel like most of us need more sleep, correct me if I’m wrong lmao

melien replied to your photoset “Ross: “You don’t get it, Jordan. I love you a lot, but we’re over....”

I kinda agree that Jordan deserves better lmao

If I remember correctly, MCCC made him go and have a child with one of Ross’s ex-lovers. Later on, Jordan went and married another one of Ross’s ex-lovers. He’s not the only one though, more of them did the same thing. The family trees in this save are messed up, everyone is related to everyone in some way. It’s a small world. *shrugs*

jackssims replied to your photo “I’m slowly losing my mind. Long story short: I’m drowning in homework....”

Omg if they get together I’ll probably scream into the void

Never say never

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Marika? I haven’t seen her for months. And is that a…does she have a...”

Ohhhhhhhhhhh

Ohhh yeahh

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “This legacy has seriously been blessed with some Good Genes.”

She's a cutie!

She is! I can’t help but compare kids from this legacy to kids from my other sims 4 legacy. Here, they’re almost perfect the way they’re born. Truth to be told, in my Raven Legacy, I had to edit everyone a lot before showing them to the world. If I had said something else, I probably lied.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Exactly two years ago, the triplets were born and gen 4 officially...”

they look gooood

Also happy birthday to them:3

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Exactly two years ago, the triplets were born and gen 4 officially...”

They came out really nice! Especially Bianca!

melien replied to your photo “Exactly two years ago, the triplets were born and gen 4 officially...”

Love them! Caleb may be my fav

Thanks guys! They might not be 100% accurate but I still somehow get the right vibes from them, which is more than enough for me. Honestly I’m surprised I have never done this before.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Hi Zoey, what do you want?” “Hi Bianca. Hi…um…you.” “Sharon,” she...”

"I hate running." - honestly me too Zoey

I love working out but every time we have to run in P.E. I want to die. Also burpees. Burpees and running are my two worst enemies.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “I felt it from the bottom of my heart. I knew I had the potential to...”

Or... To travel between the worlds!

Yeah, Bianca is pretty badass, even though most of her badass-ness was lost in the original legacy because she wasn’t around. I’m glad I can somehow fix it here.

melien replied to your photoset “Hey LMAO!” “That’s new. What do you want, Rosie?” “Will you take...”

This totally made my day thank you I'm living

You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to see this scene happen but I didn’t have enough motivation to do the whole chapter. It was killing me. But hey, here we are, six months later.

melien replied to your photoset “There’s no point in trying to argue with him, seriously. But I swear...”

I actually have a few ideas for you Jacob

Do I wanna know

melien replied to your photoset “He’s been playing with me this whole time…ever since…ever since I...”

I kinda feel like Tyler and Ross would have been besties

I was thinking about this a lot because they’re similar in many ways but...I’m not sure. Tyler is just messing with his friends. He likes joking around. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do, actually I think this is very insensitive and selfish of him. I can’t stand him in this chapter. Anyway, he’s just kidding. He kind of counts on the fact that no one takes him seriously because he’s been the “class clown” ever since he can remember and so he can do whatever he wants (breaking news Tyler, you can’t). He would never ever actually cheat on anyone though.

Ross on the other hand...he was cheating on everyone and he knew it and he didn’t feel bad about it - for most of the time, at least. I’m not trying to make excuses for Tyler, he is an ass, I’m not gonna say he’s not, but compared to Ross, he’s just a goof who doesn’t think about consequences of his dumb jokes.

pxelatedtrash replied to your photoset “Just to explain what is going on,” Thomas said. “I’m willing to give...”

Was that an indirect comment on My First Pet stuff? Made me chuckle xD

It was! I wrote this chapter around the time My First Pet stuff was released...which explains everything haha. This joke would’ve been funnier if I had taken pictures for this chapter in spring. I mean, the hatred for that stuff pack is kinda dead now, isn’t it? At least I don’t care about it as much anymore.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Marika, long time no see! So you’re a mum now? How long has it...”

Hnnnngh

Here we goooo

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Well, yeah, but I also don’t need a child in my life and you’re...”

Y’know I’m not the biggest fan of Marika, but she’s got some really valid points here

Yeah. Yeah I can’t argue with that. She’s not the best person but neither is Ross

I swear I wanted to reply with something that was really good in my head, I just can’t remember what it is right now. It’s 11 pm and I’m tired. Sorry

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “I can’t take care of a baby!” Marika: “Well, you’ll have to...”

Okay I still don't like Marika overall but this whole interaction has warmed me up to her a little

I hate her for this, actually. She could’ve handled it as an adult, tell him when she found out she was pregnant, instead she did this. Though, again, she had a good point with “Ross being Sunset’s parent too”.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Hey Stella! Yes, the dumb fuck knows now and he took it well. You...”

Omg I love this

Not gonna lie I might like Stella and Val’s friendship more than I love Ross and Caleb’s friendship

#replies #melien #jackssims #alfalfalegacy #tiny-tany-thaanos #pxelatedtrash

10 notes · View notes

thesoundofnat · 6 years

Text

Three Times Peter Helped Tony

Tony, Peter

Summary: The title says it all. Ranges from bigger to smaller ways Peter helps.

A/N: I honestly wouldn’t consider this my best work, but I still kinda like it, so I’m deciding to post it anyway lmao. Hope you like it!

Also if this looks weird on your dash it’s because tumblr hates me is glitching.

[Read it on AO3]

Words: 2 463

Tony was sad. He hadn’t told Peter that, of course, but Peter wasn’t stupid and knew what those brief etched on smiles and hollow eyes meant. Tony wasn’t okay. Probably hadn’t been for a while now, but this seemed more current. The wound seemed more fresh.

He knew it had something to do with the airport fight and everything that had come after that. He had seen Tony try so hard to fix everything while simultaneously making sure Peter wasn’t taking on too many battles he couldn’t handle. It stung a little to know he was a part of Tony’s stress, but if there was one thing he’d learnt about the man was that he needed the distractions more than he needed air in his lungs, lest he wanted the pain to swallow him whole.

Peter had been happy to be a distraction, at first. It was no secret that he enjoyed the older man’s company, and god knew he had a lot to learn from him. But his finals crept closer, and smaller bad guys robbing stores never stopped, and he had to handle his crush moving away before he could even properly have his chance with her, and things became slightly too much for his sixteen year old self to handle. So he had to make a choice. Avengers stuff or life stuff. He knew what Mr Stark wanted him to pick.

Now that they were reunited after several weeks of no contact - not even from Peter’s side - he could see those bags under his eyes and the lines on his face more clearly. Tony wasn’t young anymore, and all the pressure he’d been put on was getting to him. Maybe Peter had just caught him at the wrong time, but it was more obvious than ever.

“What?”

Tony was narrowing his eyes at him, and Peter realized that he’d been staring slightly too intently at him from across the table.

Peter shook his head. “Nothing! I was just wondering if maybe I should start drinking coffee.”

Tony hummed, hands gripping his cup just like Peter was gripping his own cup of tea. “Nah. Too young. I’d say wait until college. You’ll need it more then.”

“I reckon you know best.”

Tony’s lips quirked upward. “Maybe not always, but in this case I’m pretty sure I do.”

It was a strangely… normal conversation. Each time they saw each other it was always because Peter was panicking over something or Tony needed to show him new tech. That he’d been invited over for tea had been a greater shock than Tony probably realized.

“How’s school? You acing your classes?”

“Of course.”

“Social life?”

“Other than the occasional meeting with academic decathlon team I mostly just see Ned.”

“Good. About the team, I mean. It’s good that you’re keeping it up.” Tony hesitated briefly before saying, “And how’s your aunt handling this whole - thing.”

Peter squirmed in his seat. “She was very angry with me at first. And with you.”

“I figured. Did my talk with her help at all?”

“Oh, definitely. It’s taken her a while, but she’s more calm about it now as long as I tell her where I go each time.” Peter barked out a laugh. “It’s kind of annoying.”

Tony grinned. “That’s guardians to you. You’re lucky, you know.”

“I know.”

They sipped on their drinks in silence for a moment. A ray of sun had found its way between the buildings outside and illuminated the kitchen table, and Peter found himself watching it just to keep himself from watching Tony. He knew he wouldn’t appreciate being observed.

“How are you?” Peter blurted out before he could stop himself. “And Ms Potts and Mr Rhodes?”

Tony seemed a bit amused. “We’re all good, kid. Rhodey can almost walk entirely on his own now.”

Peter nodded. “So you’re all… fine?”

Tony blinked. “Relatively. Should we not be?”

“Yes! I mean, I hope you are?”

“This-” Tony shook his head. “I don’t say this often, but I’m confused.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to- I mean-”

“Kid. Just say whatever you want to say. I promise I won’t get mad or whatever.”

Peter exhaled slowly, biding his time. “It’s just… you look a little sad, s’all. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Tony’s eyebrows met his hairline. “Oh. Well, uh-” He scratched the back of his head. “I guess lying and saying I’m fine will get me nowhere.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Mr Stark. I just wanted to check.”

“No, no, it’s- it’s fine, I-” Tony shook his head. “Maybe I need it.”

Peter never would’ve thought they’d be in this position, where Tony Stark of all people attempted to put his emotions into words in order to share them with him. It was usually the other way around.

“The thing is,” Tony started, pushing his cup from hand to hand on the table. “I care more than people probably think, and sometimes it gets hard to deal with everything. Especially when people so very obviously didn’t care back. At least not to the same extent.”

That was probably the most Tony would be willing to tell him, but Peter appreciated it anyway. “Do you wanna know what I think?”

“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

“None of them deserved you.”

Tony didn’t reply, but Peter could see a slight shift in his posture. A brightness to his eyes.

Peter made it his goal to always make sure Mr Stark remembered how important he actually was after that.

Peter wasn’t sure how or even why, but when he opened his eyes he found himself in Mr Stark’s living room, and the light was way too natural for it to still be dark outside.

“What happened?” he asked FRIDAY automatically, but got an entirely different voice in return.

“You passed out. As in like, fell asleep. You weren’t knocked out or anything.”

Peter sat up a bit in order to look at Tony who was sitting in the armchair across the room from him, his attention captured by the pad in his lap. “Have you- have you just been sitting there all night?”

“Of course not. I went to my lab. Had a few hours of sleep. Went back to the lab. You dozed for over ten hours. Seriously, Parker, when was the last time you slept through the night?”

“Too long ago,” Peter muttered. “Does Aunt May-”

“All informed.”

“Oh. Good. Thank you.”

Tony snorted and finally looked up at him. “No problem. I was mostly covering my own ass.”

Peter grinned. “Right, because you don’t care about either me or her at all.”

“All right, don’t get cocky. Geez, you’ve been hanging around me for too long.” He placed the pad on the coffee table. “If you want breakfast you know where everything is.”

Peter nodded and sat up properly. He felt more awake than he had in weeks, miraculously. “How’d you sleep? Those hours you did sleep, I mean.”

Tony hummed. “I slept all right. It could’ve been better.” That Tony was willingly admitting that was a huge step. “But it was enough to function today. I’ve got so many meetings this afternoon that I’m sorta considering going into hiding.” He waved his hand around. “Never become an adult, you hear me.”

“I’m afraid it’s a little too late for that,” Peter said, the idea that he would have to apply for colleges in less than a year ever so present in the back of his mind. “You should eat too. And probably get some more coffee.”

“You sound like Pepper.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Mmm not really.”

“Then I’ll take the compliment.”

Tony laughed. “Definitely getting cocky. I can’t say I hate it, but you better be careful.”

Peter had to admit that the months he’d spent around the older man had made him much more comfortable around him and his closest friends, and sometimes he had to remind himself that snark could seem disrespectful. Fortunately Tony was fluent in snark and didn’t seem to mind.

Peter took a quick trip to the bathroom and tried in vain to get his hair to cooperate, and then met Tony in the kitchen where a glass of orange juice was waiting for him on the table. He downed it in seconds, only just then realizing how dry his throat had been. Tony watched him over his coffee in amusement.

“I have to make a call,” he said, already halfway out of the room with his cup in hand. “Make yourself at home and all that jazz.”

Peter didn’t need to be told twice.

***

“God, if a stupid phone call takes this long I cannot imagine how long the actual meetings will last-” Tony stopped in his tracks, his cup empty and his hair in disarray. “What’s this?”

Peter looked up from where he’d been scrolling on his phone. “Breakfast.”

“For me?”

“Of course.” He motioned to the toast across from him on the table. “It’s probably a little cold now, but-”

“No, no, I- that doesn’t matter, it’s-” Tony cut himself off with a shake of his head. “The only people who’ve ever made me breakfast are Pepper and Rhodey.”

Peter’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, sorry, was it insensitive? You don’t have to eat it.”

Tony grinned then. Hugely and genuinely. “Not insensitive at all.” He wouldn’t look directly on Peter, but Peter knew him well enough at this point to know it wasn’t a bad thing. “Thanks, kid,” he said as he sat. “I have to leave in like ten minutes, so I was worried I wouldn’t even have time to eat. God knows I would forget all about food once in those meetings, so this-” He grabbed his toast. “-is gold.”

Peter beamed all the way home.

How Peter ended up at a movie night at Tony’s with Pepper, Rhodey and Happy was beyond him, but he was happily (and slightly awkwardly) sitting between Tony and the armrest while they tried to decide on a movie. Pepper, who was on Tony’s other side, was pointing at one of the movies on the screen, but Tony kept scrolling.

“Already seen it,” he said, glancing at her. “But you can totally have more than one choice.”

“If we’re gonna find a movie that none of us have seen it will be a miracle,” she replied matter-of-factly. “How about that one?”

“Oohh, I’ve been meaning to see it for ages,” Rhodey said from the other couch.

Happy shook his head beside him. “Not that one.”

“Why not?”

“Looks bad.”

“I agree,” Tony said and kept scrolling.

“You know what, give me the remote.” Rhodey held out his hand, but Tony barely acknowledged him.

“My house, my rules.”

“Pepper, get him to give me the remote.”

“Don’t get me involved in this.”

“You wanted to watch the movie too.”

“We can negotiate like adults.”

“That one!” Happy piped up, pointing. “I vote that one.”

Tony hummed. “It looks all right, actually.”

“Oh, you’re kidding!” Rhodey was more passionate over this than Peter would’ve expected, but he recognized the thrill that came with going against your best friend over small things. “Peter, get him to give me the remote.”

Peter really hadn’t been expecting to get dragged into this. “What, me?”

“Yes! He listens to you.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Peter blurted out, and Tony snorted.

“Cut yourself some slack, kid,” Rhodey said, voice softer.

“Actually,” Tony said, turning to Peter with a grin so big it almost scared him. “It’s a tie between two movies, but we’re an odd number. Peter’s vote can decide.”

“Do you think I’m suicidal?” Peter asked with a slight panic.

Happy, of all people, burst into laughter. “Oh, okay, you’re funny, I’ll give you that.”

Tony poked his chest. “Just choose.”

“And if I don’t want to watch either of them?”

“Then we’ll never get around to watch a thing.”

Peter had honestly not been paying much attention to the options, since he was fine with whatever. “Could- could you let me read the descriptions of them both?”

They sat in silence as Peter read. They both sounded mediocre, and Peter realized he’d already seen parts of one of them with Ned. They’d only gotten half an hour in before they’d had to turn it off. Which meant-

“I think the one Mr Stark likes sounds good,” he said, and Happy surprised him once again by cheering.

Tony clapped his hands. “That’s my boy. The night is saved.”

Those words were worth the mock glare Rhodey sent his way.

And one time Tony asked him to.

Peter had been in Tony’s lab before, but he’d never been allowed to touch anything, and today was no exception. He hovered behind Tony and tried to peek at what he was doing, which he knew was probably bothering the older man, but so far he hadn’t said anything. That was one of the things that had changed as they spent more time together. Tony got more patient with him and his curiosity.

“You think you can hand me that?” Tony suddenly asked, pointing toward the end of the table.

Peter was quick to oblige. “Of course, here you go.”

“Thank you.” He peeked up briefly to smile at him, if a twitch of his lips counted as a smile. “Actually, do you think you could hold this while I tweak it?” He handed Peter a part of the Iron suit and asked him to hold it in place against the table.

“Make sure to not move it,” he said before diving in, and Peter felt like he was dreaming. He was actually here, in Tony Stark’s lab, helping Tony Stark build one of his genius creations. Ned would freak.

To be entirely honest Peter was freaking out a little himself.

“You’re doing good,” Tony said, and Peter had to hold back a laugh lest he wanted to jostle the part.

“I’m only holding it.”

“Still.” His fingers stilled, and he took a step back to observe it. “I think that’ll do. Thanks, kid.”

Peter was eager to keep helping, but he wasn’t about to test his luck. “Is it okay if I sit in here and work on homework?”

“Sure thing.”

Life felt right in there, with Tony working away and Peter sitting on the couch taking care of his own responsibilities. Occasionally he would look up and observe his mentor, and he could occasionally feel Tony looking his way, but they didn’t talk. It was nice.

Tony still seemed sad, but he seemed to be handling it, and Peter was still happy to be one of his distractions, mostly because he was now certain Tony saw him as more than just that.

#tony stark #peter parker #iron man fic #spiderman homecoming fic #tony and peter #marvel fic #mine #three times peter helped tony #nat writes

62 notes · View notes

violetganache42 · 6 years

Text

My Thoughts on the Logan Paul Controversy

WARNING: The following post contains descriptions of the graphic material that was recorded on Logan’s most recent vlog, which was thankfully taken down. It also consists of opinions on his and Jake’s unforgivable actions prior to this incident, as well as cursing and the possibility of some heated rage, in which I would like to apologize for in advance. If I also come off as rude in some aspects, then I’m sorry for that too. No one ever thought 2018 was going to start off like this and leave them with intense fury over it. I would also like to apologize if the topics of depression, mental illnesses, and suicide upsets or triggers anyone who is reading this. That is not my intention whatsoever. This is my overall opinion on a very controversial issue and I don’t mean to upset or trigger anyone in doing so. With all that said and done, reader discretion is advised.

Okay, I never talk about them, but because of what recently happened, I want to quickly address the elephant in the room: I hate Jake and Logan Paul. Actually, “hate” is not the right word to describe them; how about “loathe?” Maybe “despise?” “Spite?” “Resent?” Whatever the word choice is, the two are both terrible celebrities together and individually for a variety of reasons.

As you already know, both Jake and Logan achieved their fame back in 2013 when Vine was around, achieving 5.3 million and 3.1 million followers respective by the time of its shutdown. When they switched over to YouTube on November and September of 2016 accordingly, it all went downhill from then on. In general, they spew diss tracks at each other, churn out frantic videos in order to gain viewership and consume free online content, and sell merchandise from their clothing lines instead of being TV actors. The only problem is kids between the ages of 8 and 15 aren’t necessarily part of America’s economy, so combining their focus on this specific demographic with their insatiable thirst for fame and greed, it’s basically a lose-lose situation for them. But that’s not all I have to say about them because looking at them individually, they have their own brand of problematic behaviors and content.

In Jake’s case, he endured the most controversy because he’s been exposed as nothing but an annoying douchebag who did the following: made racist remarks on his minor characters in his videos, accused of emotionally abusing and manipulating his ex-girlfriend Alissa Violet, cyberbullied and brought down people online, constantly disrupted his peaceful neighborhood and his neighbors with his stunts and pranks, delivered pop culture phrases in an obnoxious manner during an interview that came off as—how the kids describe stuff nowadays—“cringey.” Not to mention his atrocious music video for his song “It’s Everyday Bro” dealt some serious damage to his career by receiving over 3 million dislikes on YouTube. He even got fired from Disney mid-season of Bizaardvark on July 24 for acting like his fame gives him the freedom for doing whatever the fuck he wants. What grinds my gears about him is he made all these apology videos and keeps claiming that he’s changed and moved on, but there is strong evidence that proves otherwise.

As for Logan, he has managed to escape controversy up until now by having roles on films and TV shows like Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Weird Loners, Airplane Mode, the YouTube Red film The Thinning, and in the upcoming movie Valley Girl, taking part in a partnership with Dwayne Johnson, and opening his own brand called Maverick. Heck, his diss song, “The Fall of Jake Paul,” had managed to gather better reception from his fans, scoring only 173,000 dislikes, which is far less than the 3 million dislikes from “It’s Everyday Bro,” because of the actual effort put into it and the massive controversy Jake currently has. Of course, it still doesn’t change the fact that he is still a horrible person when you consider the info above, and his newest vlog helps showcase it. Without further ado, it’s time for me to stop talking about the past and focus on the present… and boy, do I have a lot to say about this.

For those of you who not aware or are just hearing about this, allow me to explain what exactly happened; however, I am generously giving you the choice to skip this because what I am about to describe may make you feel uncomfortable. For those of you brave enough to read the issue, please keep scrolling.

Earlier this week, on New Year’s Eve, Logan and three of his friends were traveling in Japan when they stumbled upon Aokigahara, which is best known as the country’s “Suicide Forest.” They all ended up going in the forest when they discovered the corpse of a man who hung himself, one of the most common methods suicide victims use to kill themselves in there. One of the friends was feeling uneasy about what they were witnessing, and despite his seriousness, Logan laughed it off and soon referred to it as “a moment in YouTube history,” only for him to get one hell of a reality check. As of now, so many people via YouTube and Twitter have reacted in absolute anger and/or disgust at what he had done and have been calling out on it, including Robyn from Anime America, Joey the Anime Man, Gaijin Goombah, Lost Pause, Game Theory, Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul, Game of Throne’s Sophie Turner, JackSepticEye, Stefan Karl, and even PewDiePie of all people. The immense amount of backlash had gotten to a point where he deleted the video and posted two apologies, one each on Twitter and YouTube. I will get to those later, but for right now, let me give my input on this.

First off, let’s break down the group’s reaction. Since the video was removed, I was able to find snippets of their dialogue from it thanks to CNN, which can be found here.

Logan: This is a first for me. This literally probably just happened.

Friend: I don’t feel good.

Logan: What, you never stand next to a dead guy?

Friend: No.

Logan: *laughs* It was gonna be a joke. This was all a joke. Why did it become so real?

Friend: Depression and mental illnesses is not a joke. We came here with the intent to focus on the haunted aspect of the forest. This just became very real.

Oh, boy. Where do I even begin with this? Logan, your friend is absolutely right. Depression and mental illnesses are not jokes, let alone FUCKING suicide! This was his first time seeing an actual dead body with his own two eyes and you laughed it off like it was nothing! For all we know, this could’ve been your first time seeing like this too, but why the fuck would you joke around like that if you were originally planning to explore the Suicide Forest’s haunted atmosphere?! It completely depletes the initial intent of your plans for your vlog all because of your “humor” in this! On a side note, whoever his friend is, can we please give him a round of applause for having the knowledge to understand what is and isn’t a joke? Because at least he gets the situation they were in.

And that brings me to another point I want to bring out: why he was joking around with what he saw. After they all ran out of the forest and into the parking lot, Logan said this that really caught my attention:

Logan: “…the smiling and laughing… is not a portrayal of how I feel about the circumstances. Everyone copes with shit differently… I cope with things with humor.”

WHAT?!

I’m sorry, but no! That is utter bullshit! Using humor to cope with something such as fear is fine, but using it to deal with the fact you stumbled across a REAL corpse?! That’s crossing the line! It helps illustrate that what you did was inhumanely wrong, and you know what?! The backlash proves it! When it became known to the public with around 6.5 million views, the viewers were repulsed by what you did! You showed them, from fans and people who don’t like to YouTubers, celebrities, and the media, that you have zero respect for the suicide victims through your insensitivity and voyeurism of this seriously important subject!

Not even your “Viewer Discretion is Advised” banter helped prevent this from happening, which leads me to readdressing your target demographic! For all we know, there could have been little children watching this and they would have either been scared that they saw the same hanging corpse or influenced negatively as shown by this tweet below!

“The other day my 7 year old sister showed me logan pauls video on the dead body and i was disgusted and told her to turn it off.My sister is 7 YEARS OLD and loves and watches logan paul all the time. later we went outside to do painting and she painted a hanging man in a forest” — Aoife Dormer (@aoife_dorma)

If anything, you could have emphasized your warning on how there are graphic material that are not suitable for children/minors, replaced “Advised” with “Recommended,” and made the video 18+ so that they would’ve been unable to watch it! Even so, it still didn’t change the fact it broke one of YouTube’s policy: prohibiting the depiction of violent, gory, or graphic material in a shocking, sensational, or disrespectful manner unless the footage is used for educational or documentary-based purposes. I’m not gonna touch upon how the staff aren’t pressing this forward or why they didn’t react sooner, but I digress. In my opinion, not changing the rating of your vlog—and having it violate a YouTube policy regardless—was part of a completely careless move on your part.

Oh, and this doesn’t end there; this actually leads into my next point: the apologies and the aftermath.

In the midst of the swift outcry of the enraged public, Logan deleted the video and tweeted an apology on New Year’s Day at exactly 10 PM about what he posted, but instead of taming the flame, it made things worse… and I can easily tell why. Much like the last remark, this one contradicts what he says.

“I didn't do it for views. I get views. I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity. I intended to raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention and while I thought, 'if this video saves just ONE life, it'll be worth it,' I was misguided by shock and awe, as portrayed in the video.”

Dear God, there is a shit ton wrong with this tone-deaf apology it makes me want to scream! What pisses me off the most is his claim and there is strong proof in not only this tweet but also in my thoughts on the vlog that highlights how that is bullshit as well!

You should’ve thought about your actions ahead of time! You were given multiple choices on what to do when you and your friends encountered the hanging dead body in Aokigahara: “Should I keep this vlog?” “How should I feel about or respond to this?” “Should I edit it out or leave it in?” “How will everyone else react?” At the end of the day, you chose the wrong choices and it resulted in heated negative consequences.

You were NOT raising awareness for suicide prevention, which is the main reason why this tweet makes me livid! The vlog proves you laughed at what you saw and cracked jokes about it, despite your friend’s input on this unsettling discovery! A lot of people, even YouTube, agree that the material was shocking for the viewers, you sensationalized at said material, and you were outright disrespectful about it by treating suicide like a fucking joke through your “coping mechanism!”

You were not “misguided;” basically, this third reason ties in with the second one.

Because of this, an insane amount of criticism was unleashed, with Sophie calling Logan “an idiot,” his claim “mocking,” and his apology “self-praising,” Aaron referring to him as “pure trash” who can “go rot in hell,” and surprisingly Rebecca Black stating that how someone with “such power and influence could intensify “an entire family’s grief beyond measure.” And guess what? She is right! One of the people calling out on him was Anna Akana, who and her brother both had to deal with the loss of her sister after she committed suicide! Not only that, but there are also people struggling with depression and have contemplated suicide, especially in Japan, who are infuriated and sickened by what they watched/heard because they knew what he did was an epitome of bad publicity... No, “bad” isn’t the best way to describe this; what they discovered was appalling publicity! It’s even worse when you realize publicity is one of the main contributors to suicide contagion, especially when a young age group is exposed to it! Given Logan’s fanbase mainly consists of children and young teenagers, that vlog was a repulsive influence on them and would most likely worsen suicide contagion despite it being removed from YouTube, which reiterates Aoife’s tweet about her younger sister painting a lynched man! The damage has already been dealt and it pisses me off so much that he would influence minors like that!

And that is just the tip of the iceberg because he posted a longer apology video on YouTube the next night amid the rampaging counteraction. Did it do anything to at least settle this dispute? Let’s find out.

“I've made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment and I don't expect to be forgiven. I'm simply here to apologize. So what we came across that day in the woods was obviously unplanned and the reactions you saw on tape were raw and they were unfiltered. None of us knew how to react or how to feel. I should have never posted the video. I should have put the cameras down, stopped recording what we were going through. There's a lot of things I should have done differently but I didn't and for that from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. I want to apologize to the internet, I want to apologize to anyone who has seen the video, I want to apologize to anyone who has been affected or touched by mental illness or depression or suicide but most importantly I want to apologize to the victim and his family. For my fans who are defending my actions, please don't, they don't deserve to be defended. The goal with my content is always to entertain, to push the boundaries, to be all inclusive. In the world I live in I share most everything I do. The intent is never to be heartless, cruel or malicious. Like I said I made a huge mistake. I don't expect to be forgiven. I'm just here to apologize. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm disappointed in myself. And I promise to be better. I will be better. Thank you.”

*frustrated sigh* Oh, dear Lord. There is a reason why posted the transcript of his apology than share the video itself, which I’ll get to after I give my two cents on this. ...Ever since last night, I had a difficult time trying to find a way to reply to this. I read a couple articles saying the video was emotional and somber because of how he was on the brink of tears and it left me at a point of uncertainty; I kept asking myself if he really does deserve to be forgiven or not, but after seeing other posts and getting an update on his newest video, it snapped me out of my state and told me that forgiving Logan would mean defending him, just like his fans... and there was no way in hell I would succumb to a level as low them supporting him. So with my spark reignited, it’s time for me to break this shit down once again!

Logan, let me start this bit off by saying this: it is far too late for you to apologize. What you did was irredeemable, vulgar, disgraceful, and plain rude of you to not only those suffering from depression, mental illnesses, or suicidal issues, but to the entire country of Japan. During your trip, you behaved immaturely by making a complete racist jackass out of yourself in front of foreign tourists/residents while wearing a kimono and made a complete fool out of Americans and Westerners, but your vlog on New Year’s Eve took it too far! You desecrated a corpse, went through him to see if he had any of his belongings with him, laughed and joked about it, and showed no remorse or empathy about what you and your friends came across! Because of you, Japan is now coated in anger; you made them hesitant on us being part of the 2020 Olympics, Tokyo tweeted at you to get out, and you’re now denounced by the Japanese Suicide Prevention Group all because you ridiculed their strict laws and significant efforts into helping lower suicide rates and gave a giant middle finger to country in general by treating it like it’s a fucking playground! What you did was an act of pity because of the imminent backlash and I will never. Forgive. You.

That’s not all; as it turns out, even though Logan clearly said he doesn’t expect forgiveness, his fanbase—like I’m gonna call them by their referred fandom name—still forgave him because they believe “he didn’t mean it” and even had the audacity to attack a Japanese vlogger named Reina Scully in a racist manner all because she criticized his Suicide Forest vlog. ...Okay, first: WHAT?! Second: THE FUCK?! Like before, I apologize for suddenly snapping, but that’s NOT how you defend someone! You do not make harass the harasser by sending them racist remarks, let alone telling her and the Japanese to kill themselves! That is just sick and inhumane! No wonder people are telling others to stop supporting the Paul brothers; their fans are worse than the commonly known bad fandoms! *sigh* Well, at least it was best of me to not apologize to Logan because there was no way I was going to stoop as low as them. It was also perfect timing on my part because I recently discovered on that his apology video was monetized; in other words, he made thousands of dollars off of it...

Holy fuck! This is all kinds of despicable and messed up! Making between $8.5K and $68.1K off of a simple apology?! Now I am so glad I ultimately kept to my opinions about this sicko instead of accepting him like his other fans because this is one of the many examples of being greedy and money-hungry.

Because of this, people immediately took to Twitter to repeatedly slam him until it was promptly demonetized. Shortly thereafter, conflicts began to surface regarding YouTube; a petition opened up calling for Logan to be banned from the site (which now has over 130K signatures) and many are giving the website and its staff flack for being hypocritical of the way they review the content of videos. To be honest, I don’t blame them. Although I’m glad they commented on the issue, it obviously wasn’t enough. What used to be a site that got its start from cat videos has become its own economy with terrible decisions they’ve made, from the Fair Use dilemma to labeling LGBT+ videos as “mature content.” Seeing how significant the past few days has become, they really need to wake up, get their humungous sticks out of their asses, and actually contribute than just simply stating what rule Logan violated. Regardless, with all of these factors combined into one, it is easily safe to say this second apology was typically a clear bust.

And what does Logan do now that both apologies were shown to be practically useless? He announces his hiatus last night on Twitter, stating he is “taking time to reflect.” Of course, and not surprisingly, there is a long thread which consists of a division between his effortlessly influenced fandom of youngsters and those who despise him for what he has done, both over the years and on New Year’s Eve.

...I’m done. I’m fucking done. I’m not dealing with this shit anymore. Everything about this is wrong and I am certain I am going to get a headache out of this. I don’t care if he is “reflecting;” knowing him, he is still going to be the same idiotic frat “celebrity” that he is, especially when Maverick Apparel came forward today to say they lost $4 million in profit because of him… and Jake dissed in him in one of the most inappropriate ways ever. Ugh!… Can this nightmare end already?! I swear, it keeps finding ways to make me want to continue this rant! Well, guess what? Not. Anymore. I am concluding this right now and I don’t care what will happen to these two sickos in the near future.

*sigh* Well, to wrap things up, Logan is nothing but a stupid, inane, thick-skinned, money-hungry, thoughtless jackass who only cares about getting richer and, much like Jake, using his fame to do whatever the fuck he wants because he believes there is no such thing as “bad publicity…” until now, that is. He may have been able to dodge controversy in the past, but thanks to his obnoxious, immature personality, he has made him a danger to three important fields after his trip to Japan; he has demonstrated how much of an inadequate influence he is to juveniles countless times in the past and has managed to do so once again with his now-deleted vlog, he has made the entire Japanese country hate him for even stepping foot on their cherished land, and he has sparked yet another battle against YouTube’s policies and regulations.

Logan, I’m going to say this once and only once: it is your fault you showed Japan just how disgustingly inhumane you are by not only fucking around with their cherished laws, traditions, culture, history, and landscape. It is your fault for recording the footage of the corpse, laughing and joking about it, and not giving a single shit about suicide, depression, and mental illnesses. It is your fault you unleashed hell on earth that pitted most of the social media users against you. It is your fault for creating your half-hearted apology tweet and your equally monetized apology video that only added fuel to the fire. It is your fault Japan hates you for treating them poorly. It is your fault you’re now facing serious consequences after showing the world what you did in front of that dead man. It is your fault for ending 2017 and starting 2018 on abysmal notes. I hope your multi-millionaire empire crumbles by having the YT staff banning your vlog channel. I hope the actions you—and Jake—have illustrated over the years and the consequences you face will deal more major blows to your precious careers.

To everyone reading this, I want to say I am genuinely sorry that you saw that vlog or heard what has been going on. I am even sorry at myself for subjecting myself to this horror of learning who the Paul brothers are just to get this rant out of the way. They have a horrible sense of humor and none of the stuff they do is funny, let alone how serious suicide is.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US, claiming an average of 44,965 American lives every year, and for every 25 attempts that are made, it annually costs the country $51 billion. In Japan, despite now having over 21,000 people claiming their lives every year—with the majority caused by men—and its suicide rate declining, it still remains as one of the highest rates when compared to other countries. The most common place for the Japanese to kill themselves is in Aokigahara, which has received its infamous nickname, “the Suicide Forest.” It earned its name and has become the 2nd most suicidal place on Earth because around 100 Japanese residents travel there to commit suicide because of its thick trees and its seclusion; two of the frequent ways they kill themselves is through drug overdose or by hanging themselves though other methods are not uncommon. Since then, Japanese officials have been putting their best efforts to decrease the suicide rate.

Suicide is an urgent situation, with depression being the #1 cause of it if left untreated, undiagnosed, or ineffectively treated and mental illnesses, disorders, and contributors such as physical ailments, previous suicide attempts, limited access to mental health treatment closely following suit and cannot be left unnoticed. If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts or actions or have had a series of suicidal thoughts or actions, it is not too late to seek help. Whether it is in America, Japan, or anywhere else in the world, call the numbers below based on what country you live in:

United Kingdom: 116 123

United States: 1-800-273-8255

Canada: 5147234000

Mexico: 5255102550

Ireland: 116 123

Brazil: 212339191

Argentina: +5402234930430

Spain: 914590080

Portugal: 225 50 60 70

France: 0145394000

Greece: 1018

Germany: 08001810771

Italy: 800860022

Poland: 52770000

Holland: 0900-0113

Denmark: +4570201201

Sweden: 46317112400

Finland: 040-5032199

Norway: +478153300

Belgium: 1813

Austria: 017133374

Switzerland: 143

Egypt: 7621602

South Africa: 0514445691

Israel: 1201

India: 8888817666

Australia: 131 114

New Zealand: 045861048

Singapore: 1800 221 4444

Philippines: 028969191

Russia: 0078202577577

China: 85223820000

South Korea: 112

Japan: +810352869090

You can also donate to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or any resourceful suicide prevention organizations you know because your gifts will serve them as a reminder that you are contributing to fight against this worldwide epidemic.

Don’t wait. Call now or donate to help save a life.

#my post #rant #logan paul controversy #anti logan paul

11 notes · View notes