#the 17-19 feels like a bucket of cold water every time i hear it like they have always been mid-late 20s to me at LEAST | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iwritebutshouldi · 2 years

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The Boy Savior - Part 31

Summary: When you lose your family in a shimmer factory accident you lose everything with them. All you want is getting your revenge, but then you meet him… The Boy Savior.

Happening during the last two acts of Arcane at first (probably advancing further as I have plans with this story)

Ekko x Reader

Content Warning: -

Link to Prologue, Link to Chapter 1, Link to Chapter 2, Link to Chapter 3, Link to Chapter 4, Link to Chapter 5, Link to Chapter 6, Link to Chapter 7, Link to Chapter 8, Link to Chapter 9, Link to Chapter 10, Link to Chapter 11, Link to Chapter 12, Link to Chapter 13, Link to Chapter 14, Link to Chapter 15, Link to Chapter 16, Link to Chapter 17, Link to Chapter 18, Link to Chapter 19, Link to Chapter 20, Link to Chapter 21, Link to Chapter 22, Link to Chapter 23, Link to Chapter 24, Link to Chapter 25, Link to Chapter 26, Link to Chapter 27, Link to Chapter 28, Link to Chapter 29, Link to Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Your heart ached a little when you thought about how your ways had to part, just when you finally had the chance to kiss him again... You knocked on the door of Heimerdinger's little workshop, he spent most of his time at, nervously hugging your own stomach.

It was that itchy, cold feeling again, deep inside your guts that had been nesting itself inside you for an hour now. You remembered how right after your lips touched Ekko's, you immediately had to part them - you felt as if a bucket of cold water had been poured into your neck.

"Something's wrong..." you said, making the boy furrow his brows in his confusion. Your eyes longingly lingered on his mouth - the darker shade of his upper lip had become your favorite color. But this feeling - it was too familiar for you already to ignore it and every time you felt it before, it had always meant sorrow...

"What..." you saw Ekko searching your face, probably believing it was him again you had problems with.

"I - I don't know. I just feel it." you said and you looked at him with slight fear glistening in your eyes. "I think I'm gonna go... talk to Ajuna..." you mumbled. Your gut told you to go and search for him.

You had already looked for the little boy in his room. You knocked on the wooden pallets of his door, but only Daisy's dry and old bark greeted you. After a few seconds, you realized you were probably waiting in vain, so you carefully opened up the entrance, making sure none of the little boy's pets could escape, and peeked inside. The premise was dark, and apart from the animals - empty...

So that was the reason why you were standing in front of Heimerdinger's workshop now. Since Ajuna always liked to trinket with some kind of a device, naturally, he liked to spend his free time with the old Yordle - who happily taught him a thing or two he knew.

The professor had been staying with the firelights in the past weeks - ever since he came here with Ekko - he seemed to be serious about trying to help Zaun, especially after how the council expelled him and he could see it with his own eyes how many strong people lived here as well.

He was fascinated by the what Ekko and firelights accomplished here, despite the huge disadvantages they had to start with.

You didn't know exactly what he had been working on all the time, but you could hear the sounds of literal explosions coming from his workshop from time to time. Ekko often stayed with him, probably usually asking for Heimerdinger's help to stabilize the Z-drive. But you never really had your business with the old man.

Once at dinner, when he decided to ate with you, he asked about your talents and you told him everything, but he didn't seem to be surprised - in his long life he probably had seen people with powers similar to yours. You decided that you would ask him to talk about them, but you hadn't had the chance ever since.

His door opened up, and the professor's face greeted you from behind a pair of goggles - similarly oversized to Ajuna's.

"Good afternoon, missy." he said, in his usual, light tone, while he nodded towards you. "What a nice surprise!" he said and opened his door up for you so that you could enter. "What can I assist you with?"

"Oh, I'm only here to ask whether Ajuna's with you?" you asked, looking inside his room. All around the place, parts of some kind of... weapon? lied around. You didn't know what it was good for, but it definitely seemed dangerous.

"No, I haven't seen the young lad since yesterday." he shook his head. His pet poro was around his leg, checking who was their visitors.

That was not good news... The cold feeling inside your stomach became more distinguishable. You said your goodbyes to Heimerdinger and quickly turned back to search for Scar. He was your last hope...

Ekko said he would look for him outside the firelight base while you stayed and searched for him here. He said he knew about a place he could be, as he hanged the Z-drive over his chest and grabbed a hoverboard into his hands.

"Take care..." you said to his back as he stepped outside his door and wished that, just for once at least, the two of you could have a normal day. Without worries, problems, sorrow and questions...

You quickened your steps when you finally saw Scar standing by the side of the walls. He leaned his back against the cold concrete, and his daughter - Actias - was chasing (or rather toddling after) a firelight by his leg. He was busy sharpening the blade of his spear with a hone. When you got to them, you crouched down next to the little girl right away to stroke her soft, chubby cheek with your hand.

"Hi little one." She grinned at you with her tiny sharp teeth, but she was so preoccupied with chasing the bug, that she immediately redirected her attention back to it.

"Hey, Scar..." you said, standing up, and he nodded back at you with a light smile from his own height.

"Have you seen Ajuna?" you asked. Your concern was probably showing on your face by now because the huge firelight leaned his weapon against the wall to pay all his attention to you.

"Not in the past hours. When we last talked, he said he would go out to get some food. Why? What's wrong?" his voice now sounded even deeper than usual as he changed into a more serious tone.

"Nothing..." you said as you hugged yourself. "I don't know..." you sighed tiredly. "I just have this feeling in my gut, you see? I've had this before... Once when I lost my family and once when Ekko got injured on the bridge." you looked away from him, feeling stupid for coming with silly things like 'women's intuition', or whatever you should call it. You wouldn't even pay much attention to it if it was the first time you felt it... "I know it sounds crazy..."

"I trust your gut." Scar said simply without hesitation, his huge palm petting your shoulder. You saw the seriousness in his glowing green eyes and for a second, you felt better. But then, you heard the metallic ring of a fist banging on the huge entrance of the Firelight base and you felt the same old bucket of cold water pouring down your spine.

The huge firelight immediately started towards the door while you stayed back, taking Actias into your hands causing her grunt towards you, showing her teeth again. You booped her nose for which she frowned and got confused, making her little rage stop - you've seen Scar doing it countless of time and it always worked for him.

Your steps were unsure while you neared the entrance and when you saw the huge round piece of metal rolling aside, you held your breath back as your heart raced inside your tightening chest...

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canid-slashclaw · 4 years

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The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapters 10 and 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16 , Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20

Chapter 21

I was laying on the ground, helpless, with multiple stab wounds, several broken ribs, herniated disks in my lower back and a crushed foot. How I survived for as long as I did, I do not know. But I do know that my life was saved that day thanks to a family of humans.

They were a family of simple farmers who moonlighted as pallbearers for those who had fallen in battle. It was a father and son who first saw me. When they got to my unconscious body, they had assumed I had joined the rest in the Mists as well.

I could just barely make out the voice when the father, Eric, began poking and prodding me.

"Holy moley, dad. That's a big charr. Damn beast must'a put up a fight."

To their misfortune, my breath was still hot. "Wait a minute, son. That thing is still drawin' breath."

The father and son took me into their barn and made a makeshift bed for me to lie in. At the time I was still too out of it to even know where I was. I regained consciousness within a few days. When I did, let's just say my first interactions with them were less than hospitable.

"Hey, dad. Yuh think we can be sure those bonds are tight enough? I mean that thing looks awfully big and strong."

"Son. Our farm is on the verge of being foreclosed on. The Ebonguard will pay us a pretty penny for handing it over to them alive, especially considering its a legion officer."

"How can ya be so sure, dad?"

"Lookit the armor. Only charr officers wear that type. His intact hide will be worth a fair amount of gold."

I was finally coming around.

"Wh... where am I?"

"Humans? Bah! What's happening? Garr! My arms! Unbind me now!"

Heh. I am certain my bestial groans were more than enough to wet both their pants.

"Y... you talk?"

"Come closer and I'll tell you what I really want to say, human."

"Don't get close to him, son. He'll likely bite your face off."

I actually planned on going for the boy's skinny throat, but decided against it. The pain of a severely damaged foot persuaded me otherwise.

"We are only trying to help you, charr. If you behave nicely, we will provide your basic needs." The boy's father tried to reassure me.

"Nice is something my people aren't very good at. But killing mice like you is an entirely different matter altogether. Gah!"

My wounds were more extensive than I realized. Thus, there was little I could do but rely on their mercy even if their intentions were far from altruistic.

It was on the following day that I first saw her. She was the father's only daughter who looked to be no more than nineteen years old. Yes. I've studied humans long enough to pretty accurately tell how old they are.

Her features were delicate for a farmer's daughter. Her long, auburn hair hung past her thin waistline and her eyes were the softest blue I've ever seen in a human. In spite of her youth, she did have a mate at one time - a 'husband' humans like to call them - who had apparently been killed in a recent battle.

For the first week, she did not speak to me. However, she was responsible for changing my bedding and leaving meals for me to eat. One particular morning, I was stubbornly refusing to consume much of anything.

She stepped over me trying to coax me into nibbling on some puréed meat.

You've gotta eat something. It's been four days and you haven't touched anything we have given you." Her voiced sounded eerily soothing to me.

"Perhaps I am trying to starve myself to death. Get that crap away from me you little squeeker!" "Look. Keeping you alive is in our family's best financial interest. If you wish to be a pill and not help pay off our mortgage then I'll just have to find another way of getting you fed."

That girl poked me in a region that made even a hardened veteran like myself cringe with embarrassment. She reminded me that what went out could also go in.

"You wouldn't dare, human. Would you?"

"The hoses from the milking machine can easily be repurposed. Get my drift, furball?"

Against my pride, I acquiesced to her demands. Even though the food tasted like crap it did keep me nourished.

A month later, I was still laid up in the barn. Yet she was always there tending to my wounds and making sure my bedding was comfortable. It was during that time when she and I began conversing on more friendly terms. She told me of her husband's death as well as the pain of the loss she felt. I told her about our cubs and the two we had lost.

"So your people do not have marriages?"

"Not in the manner you humans do. Our people can commit to monogamous lifelong relationships, but such things are very uncommon."

"Do you love your mate?'

That was one question I could not honestly answer. Not that it would offend you at all, Siri.

"Briefly. But let's drop that subject, shall we?"

The girl knew she had hit a sore spot.

"I'm sorry to offend you, even if you are supposed to be nothing more than a vicious beast. At least that's what I've been taught to think of your people."

"There's more to my people than you can possibly understand, mouse. Bah! You're just a naive cub, anyway. Begone with you! I need some sleep."

In spite of my brusque demeanor, she seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me as a thinking, feeling creature.

"All this time, you never told me your name. Come to think of it, I never told you mine either. I'm Karla. Karla Longfield, what's yours?"

Reluctantly, I answered. "Crushblow... Centurion Ludrick Crushblow - Blood Legion. There now... satisfied?"

Every three days, she would replace my bindings with fresh gauze. The girl's patience with me was astounding considering how much of a hard time I had given her.

"Gah! That hurts! What are you trying to do to me, human? Torture me for information?"

"Well, if you held still while I debris those wounds, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad."

"You are just finding a legitimate excuse to torture an enemy combatant."

"Don't tempt me, charr. In fact, the next time I hear you complain, I'm going to shave the entire area around your wounds, bald! Got it?"

I growled and snarled at her and even tried to haphazardly lunge bite her, but she didn't seem to take me seriously. In fact, she gave me a hard yank on the tail. Strangely, that wound up hurting more than anything else.

The following week, some of my strength was beginning to return. However, my knee, my back and my right foot never completely healed properly, so I wound up relying on crutches to move around. Through it all, Karla was there helping me to build up the strength in my legs so I could eventually get around on my own without assistance.

Slowly, my condition started to improve. However, my progress was sidelined when I contracted a foul stomach ailment. For the next four days, just about everything I consumed exited though my other end roughly five hours after eating. When Karla found me the next morning, I was practically swimming in my own shit, but too weak to be able to cleanse myself.

"What in Lyssa's name?? My gods, that stench!"

"I'll bet you think this is funny. Just get me a bucket of some damn water, woman, so I can get myself clean."

"You can't do much of anything in your present condition."

She was right. The moment I tried to move, my guts felt like they were on fire. I was at her mercy whether I liked it or not.

Karla doused me with several buckets of cold water then began wiping down my fur with fresh linens. She paid special attention to my open sores making sure that any remaining fecal material had been cleaned out. Once she had cleaned and dried my fur, she began massaging my legs stating that it was to help with the circulation. Yet this time, there was something different in the way she massaged me, something even I felt but couldn't explain at the time.

"Karla. Why do you go out of your way to do all this for me? Tell me the real reason." That strange feeling inside of me began to grow.

"I... I don't know. It's for the money, okay? My family's farm needs the bounty from you in order for us to remain here. I've told you this before."

"I may not know human nuances or expressions that well, but even I know that you aren't telling me the whole truth. Please, tell me."

That was the first time that I can recall ever asking her 'please'.

"My father informed me a couple of days ago that he had contacted the Ebonguard. Instead of taking you prisoner outright, they decided to do a prisoner exchange with some legionnaires. Ten of our soldiers will be freed in exchange for you. This is scheduled to happen in the next three days. That is my other secret... satisfied now?"

I nodded but wasn't satisfied. She was still holding something back.

The following day was when it happened. She came into the barn with the intent of redressing my wounds and giving me my weekly cleansing. But when she entered, something about her scent smelled different. It smelt intoxicating and even erotic. I couldn't help but stare at her as the shafts of sunlight caused her long dress to turn translucent.

When I saw her small, curved form beneath those burlap garments, my body became aroused. As embarrassed I was to admit it at the time, I wanted to mate with that human.

"Okay, big fella. Time for a bath."

"No!" I shirked at the request fearing she would see my embarrassment.

I don't take no for an answer you stubborn furball! Let me get you out of those rags so I can bathe that matted fur of yours."

"Karla... please." She began peeling away my garments then worked her way towards removing my old dressings. The only thing I had left on me was a loincloth. I resisted her motion to have it removed. She, on the other hand, was undeterred.

"I need to clean you up everywhere. It's not like I haven't seen your sheathe before."

"Why are you looking at me that way?" Her gaze locked onto mine. She was - I could not believe the words that were coming to my head - beautiful. I wanted her, greatly.

"Oh. Ludrick."

My embarrassment was out. When she saw it she, at first, began massaging my inner thighs before finally working up the courage to touch that part of me that was the cause of my shame and delight.

"I never knew..." She grabbed hold of me even though it must have been painful in doing so due to my spines.

"Karla! Don't! It's not natural for you and me to do this."

"You and me. Yes. You know it to be true. You want it as much as I do! I want you!"

She pulled off her dress revealing her naked form. I had no time to react before she was upon me. My engorged member slid deeply into her canal as she winced in a crescendo of emotions.

"Ohhh. Gods!"

She moaned in sensuous pleasure and pain all at once. I knew my spines were tearing into her but my will had already given in to the desires of the flesh.

"I don't want to hurt you, Karla. My shaft was not meant for one such as you." I wrestled with the guilt that my anatomy was hurting her. Yet, she seemed to ignore the pain and focus only on the desire.

"I love you, Ludrick! I want to love you, as a woman should. Gaaahh!"

I released my fluid then waited for my member to subside before withdrawing from her. Her region was bloody from either our coupling or her monthly cycle. Which one it was, I could not tell. Perhaps it was a combination of both.

However, I swore that night that I would never hurt her in that manner again. Thus, I filed down my spines so that she would only experience pleasure from me. That is why I could never bear cubs. Once my ability to stimulate female ovulation was blunted, I had effectively become sterile.

Karla and I mated several more times that night and the following day. The only difference was I no longer was burdened with the guilt of my anatomy causing her pain. But in spite of my efforts, the greatest pain of all still remained.

"They are here to take you back, Ludrick. The soldiers will be here in the next ten minutes. I wish you didn't have to..."

"Karla... I know how you feel. I truly wish we could share our moments together longer. But a relationship such as ours would only bring pain and death if anyone were to find out about what we had between us."

She gave me what humans call a kiss on my muzzle. She also tried coaxing me into sticking my tongue into her mouth. I refused to do it as doing so might have caused her more discomfort. But the truth of the matter is, I very much wanted to do such.

"There is something I want you to have, Karla." I took one of my war medals then broke it in two, handing her one half while I kept the other.

"Keep this close to your heart and remember me. I will always wear my half close to mine. I will never forget you, Karla."

The father and son entered then helped me up. As I was heading from the barn and towards my future captors, Karla ran up to me and whispered in a voice so soft that only a charr could possibly hear.

"I will always love you, Ludrick Crushblow."

Those were the last words and the last time I ever saw her.

***

You see, Siri, inter-species love has happened before. I am living proof of that fact.

His former mate looked at him with a stare that could only be described as cathartic.

"The only living proof I see is that I am truly surrounded by a bunch of perverted sickos. Like sire; like cub, I suppose. Why should that not surprise me? And to think I was stupid enough allow you to screw me all those years," Siri said in her characteristic deadpan tone.

"You are the only soul I have ever revealed this to. Do what you will with the information, Siri. The winds of change are blowing and soon they will become a gale that even you must eventually come to terms with."

"The only things I'm coming to terms with is that if any of this gets out, I'm ruined."

"Go ahead and try to kill us, then. I promise you a fight the likes of which would make you wish you had never even been born." Ludrick quietly raged.

"I cannot kill that which is already dead. All of you are dead to me! This conversation never happened. In fact, this whole night never happened. I am done here!"

"Then you will not bring harm to the human, Kaleb?"

Siri scowled at him as she headed towards the door. "Didn't you comprehend me the first time? When I said all, I meant all! That little runt is free to defile herself with that mouse all she wants. I'm done wasting my time with any of you. Goodbye!"

Within moments, Siri Blastfuze bounded out the door and into the night without ever turning to look back. Ludrick felt a sense of relief that he had not felt in twenty years. He knew that Siri would no longer pose a threat to his beloved daughter or Kaleb.

Amalthia. You and Kaleb deserve the chance that Karla and I were never given.

(All chapters have been posted to AO3. Chapter 21 is posted here.)

#gw2 fanfic #guildwars 2 fanfiction #the outliers #ludrick crushblow #cw adult situations

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babylon-corgis · 4 years

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I was tagged by the wonderful @sunflowerofficials like two weeks ago and I finally finished it lol

Song titles

Rules: only using song titles from one artist/band, cleverly answer the questions and tag 10 people

Artist: 5 Seconds of Summer

What’s your gender? Good Girls

How are you feeling? Gotta Get Out

If you could go anywhere? San Francisco

Favourite mode of transportation? Airplanes (I hate flying but it fits the best)

Your best friend? She Looks So Perfect

Favourite time of day? Daylight

If your life was a tv show? Unpredictable

Relationship status? Lonely Heart

50 questions you’ve never been asked

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? Pink

2. A food you never eat? EGGS and meatloaf

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Scrolling mindlessly through Pinterest...

5. What is your favourite candy bar? REESE’S STICKS, Kit Kats, anything Milka, English Cadbury, peppermint Ritter Sport

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? A Celtics game when I was in high school but that’s it

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? I’ve been singing along to old 5SOS songs after answering the song title questions

8. What is your favourite ice cream? Chocolate peanut butter cookie dough from a local ice cream stand, other than that pretty much anything chocolate

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Lemonade

10. Do you like your wallet? My wallet has pigs on it and almost every cashier has commented on it

11. What was the last thing you ate? Salt and vinegar chips (I could live off of salt and vinegar chips)

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope

13. The last sporting event you watched? I went to all of the track meets that my middle schoolers were in last spring

14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? I like it with lots of salt, not too much butter (I’m lactose intolerant) and I usually share it with my cat lol. I also LOVE the chocolate drizzle corn from Popcorn Indiana, I could eat the entire bag in 10 minutes (and I like to put it on top of ice cream which disgusts everyone but oh well)

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My work best friend about one of our students who’s missing some schoolwork and he was making a spreadsheet to track everything, he loves spreadsheets...(but he taught me how to use Excel finally which somehow I never learned how to use?)

16. Ever go camping? I’ve been quite a few times but most of the time it was camping out in a cow barn at county fairs

17. Do you take vitamins? I take a hair and skin vitamin gummy thing (I don’t know if it’s working but I love the taste of it)

18. Do you go to church every sunday? I’ve actually never been to a church service...

19. Do you have a tan? HAHAHAHAHA I’M SO PALE

20. Do you prefer chinese food or pizza? Okay this was probably the hardest question but I have to go with pizza (fun fact: the first word I ever read was pizza)

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? No

22. What colour socks do you usually wear? I buy whatever socks are on sale at Target so I have a lot of plain black ones, some colorful patterned ones, and a lot with dogs on them

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Nope

24. What terrifies you? The snake that came into my kitchen (curse old houses with field stone foundations), spiders, never making anything of my life, being stuck in my small town forever, never seeing the world, my family and friends dying, robots, drive thrus...

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My messy dresser that I use as a nightstand that I have to clean but still haven’t oops

26. What chore do you hate? Cleaning the cow’s water tank, you have to use a bucket to bail out the water and it’s big and there’s a tree that drops its nasty leaves in it and they get all slimy and I hate it, also cleaning the chicken coops because they’re so dusty. Just fun farm things!

27. What do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I immediately think of Steve Irwin because The Crocodile Hunter was my childhood but then 5SOS, The Wiggles, Amy Shark, and wombats because they are adorable

28. What’s your favourite soda? Ginger ale

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? If you refer back to #24 you would learn that drive thrus TERRIFY me for some unknown reason so unless I’m looking to have at least two full blown panic attacks I go in :)

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom

31. Favourite cut of beef? My dude I raise beef cattle and grew up showing them and competing in skill-a-thons where I would have to judge cuts of beef, but chicken fried steak is one of my favorite meals and you use cubed steak for that (plus we always sell all of the fancy cuts so we get left with a lot of the leftovers and odd cuts)

32. Last song you listened to? Voodoo Doll - 5 Seconds of Summer

33. Last book you read? It’s a tie between Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone that I’ve been reading out loud to my pigs and To Kill a Mockingbird that my 8th graders are reading in English

34. Favourite day of the week? With all that’s going on now I can barely tell which day is which but I’m currently obsessed with a VERY cheesy show called The Baker and the Beauty and it’s on Monday nights so I like that

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can say it and sign it in ASL but I have to think about it

36. How do you like your coffee? I don’t do caffeine, it’s very bad when I have it

37. Favourite pair of shoes? My flip flops and my vans

38. At what time do you normally go to bed? Anywhere between 10:30 pm-1:30 am lol

39. At what time do you normally get up? Usually by 7 but before quarantine it was 5:30 am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets

41. How many blankets are on your bed? Three

42. Describe your kitchen plates? Most of them are white with a blue rim, some are clear glass, and then we have a shit ton of apple plates that my parents got as a wedding gift

43. Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? I don’t drink

44. Do you play cards? I only know how to play Go Fish and I played Uno with my students but they always crush me

45. What colour is your car? It’s this weird purple/gray color that no one can figure out and it looks different at different times of the day and depending on the light

46. Can you change a tire? I theoretically know how to do it but I would call my parents or sister lol

47. What is your favourite state/province? I love Maine and Oklahoma but I will always have a special place in my heart for Massachusetts (even though I don’t want to stay here forever)

48. Favourite job you’ve ever had? My current job as a learning assistant in middle school special ed

49. How did you get your biggest scar? I have a lot of farm related ones and then a bad one on my chin from when my sister climbed on my back and my head slammed into the kitchen floor when I was in kindergarten (giant knee bandaids on your chin is totally a look)

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? I helped my mom with some cleaning and tracked down some missing assignments for a teacher

That was fun! I’m tagging @5-secondsofcolor, @thelawiswiththerose, @bicherwuerm, @calumsmermaid, @pxrxmoore, and anyone else who wants to do it (but don’t feel pressured and sorry if you’ve already been tagged, I’m so late to this)

#about me #tagged

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the-walking-memelords · 5 years

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Allegiances: Chapter 20

Series is rated M

Word Count: 4012

By the third day of Clementine's recovery without any signs of progress, tensions are running high and hope is running low. Mitch comes up with a bad idea he hopes will do some good.

Read it on Ao3!

Read it on Wattpad!

Ruby was wrong.

The morning sun came to pass into the night sky once again but Clementine’s eyes never so much as fluttered. Tension rose as hope fell with every passing minute. By the time the sun rose on the third day Ruby was bombarded with questions with every visit. They knew she was no doctor, but she was the only one they could beg who would possibly hold the answers they sought.

“It could be the virus taking longer to go through her system.” Ruby said with a sad huff.

“We’re all already infected anyway, getting bit could be like activating it in a way. We don’t know if cutting it off even works, not to mention the blood loss.”

“At least this way she has a chance.” Louis continued to bicker.

AJ’s head hung low as he tried not to listen to them argue. It seemed to be all they did since they got back. Clementine told them these people were a family, but this family didn’t sound like the one she had described.

“Sometimes people just don’t make sense.”

She sure was right.

“You want me to help, but you won’t listen t’me cuz I’m not tellin’ you what you wanna hear!” The fiery redhead let her frustration soak into her tone.

“Cause you keep saying she’s going to die!” Louis started to raise his voice.

“That ain’t what I’m sayin’ and you damn well know it.” She retorted.

“I’m being realistic, Louis. Clementine is about as tough as they come but this? This might just be beyond her. There’s no guarantee she’s gonna bounce back. There is a chance she’ll wake up but a chance is all she has and it gets slimmer every day. I know you know it, you just don’t want to admit it.”

Louis crossed his arms as his eyes met the floor. The momentary silence leaving the room feeling heavy and exhausted.

“Fighting about it isn’t gonna make her get better.” AJ was sick of listening to them bicker, getting a word of his own to verbally get between them.

Louis opened his mouth for a moment, contemplating his next words.

“I… yeah. You’re right.” He said with a sigh as he stepped back.

“I know I’m being an asshole, but I just… I don’t want to think about that shit. I can’t.”

“You just need to take a breath, Lou.” Ruby’s tone turned gentle.

“You’ve been so wound up since she got back, it’s not doin’ anyone any good.”

“How long can she stay alive sleeping?” AJ’s small voice began to break ever so slightly. Clem couldn’t eat or drink like that. The boy hated the sickening pains and growling he felt whenever he was denied food for misbehaviour. It was sometimes enough to make him cry. He could imagine Clementine felt the same way now.

Ruby took a long look at the sleeping girl, once again forcing herself to give the answer no one wanted, but needed to hear.

“A week at the most before she dies of dehydration.”

A stern knock sounded from the door a moment before Mitch entered. He took wandering steps towards them as if he regretted his actions before even committing them. The boy gave Ruby a nod before she gathered her medical bag and made her way out of the room, mumbling something about checking on Omar.

“Hear me out.” Already AJ got the feeling he wouldn’t like this.

“I need you to go down to the river and get us some fish for tonight.”

“Why us?” The small boy questioned. He needed to stay here and protect Clem while she got better! What if she woke up alone? She can’t walk anymore, what if no one could hear her?

“I wouldn’t ask you guys to do shit if I didn’t have to, but we’re running low on reserves.” He explained.

“Aasim, Willy, and I are about to head out to try to find some game but between the explosion and all the damn walkers that came through there isn’t much runnin’ around out there, Ruby and Tennessee are tied up with Vi and Omar, and Brody will barely leave her room let alone the school.”

The look on his face was serious yet empathetic. It was clear he didn’t want to send them out just as much as they didn’t want to leave.

“What if something happens to her, and we’re not here?” Louis began to pace the room as his fingers dug into the sleeves of his coat.

“I know you care about her, dude, but there’s nothing you can do for her right now.” Mitch stepped forward, grabbing him firmly by the shoulders.

“You gotta snap out of it. Think for a fucking second and realize there’s ways to actually help other than suffocating in this fucking room feeling sorry for yourself.”

“Don’t you fucking-”

Not again…

He just doesn’t know the things Clem taught me.

So I should teach him.

“Louis!” AJ found himself breaking up yet another fight.

“Mitch is right just like Ruby was. You’re scared and I’m scared and I think we’re all scared. But you keep letting it take control! We have to be brave. Clem says if we let fear take over then bad things happen. If we get scared we don’t think, and then we do dumb things like argue and be mean.”

Mitch released his grip on the other boy, nothing but apologies hanging in the air for a moment.

“We’ll be back in a few hours.” Louis said flatly, brushing past Mitch as he moved towards the door.

“C’mon AJ.”

“We’ll be back later, Clem!” He called over his shoulder as he ran to catch up with Louis.

---

“Stay close to me while we’re out here, okay?” Louis reminded him as they approached the dilapidated shack.

AJ nodded as he looked over his shoulder, making sure nothing was following them. He had barely made it back before without running into walkers at every turn, but now the forest seemed eerily quiet and devoid of the dead.

Water rushed loudly beneath their feet as they crossed the rotted bridge, the boards creaking with every step. Small splashes burst up from the current at random as the fish swam on their merry way upstream.

The shack itself seemed it had been well neglected over the years. A fallen tree had torn a hole into the roof and the paint on the exterior was sun-faded and chipped. The interior was somehow even worse. Weeds poked out from between the boards and collapsed sections of the floor. Furniture lay scattered and toppled in the small space. An overall musty smell choked the air and AJ hoped they’d find what they were looking for soon.

“Here we go.” Louis said as he pulled two long spears from against the wall. He looked back at AJ before raising an eyebrow and frowning as he surveyed the size of the spear.

“Might be too big for you to use.”

“I’m not that little.” The boy pouted.

“Whatever you say, little dude.” Louis smiled as he handed AJ a spear.

“Grab a bucket and try to nab us some dinner by the bridge, I’ll only be a couple yards down.”

AJ plopped his bucket down with a metallic thunk. He looked over to his left at Louis who stood some distance upstream. His brow was furrowed as he took out his frustrations on the fish who swam by, stabbing his spear into the blue and dropping the still twitching fish into his bucket.

Maybe Louis was a little right about the spear. AJ held the long handle with both hands as he tried to find a sense of balance with the heavy bladed end. The blurred forms of his targets swam against the current, slowing them almost to a standstill.

Dumb fishies.

He buried his spear into the first fish he saw, overestimating his force and nearly slipping forward into the bank but the spear lodging in the mud and prevented his fall. He took a second to regain his balance, leaning over the water as he used the wooden handle to push himself back upright.

AJ dropped his first fish into his bucket and taking a stab at a second.

“Shit.” He swore as the spear caught nothing but open water. He quickly glanced back at Louis in case he had been heard, but the older boy seemed lost in his own world. AJ let out a sigh as he gazed down river. He was about to turn back to his work when something stuck against a rock caught his eye.

The boy dropped his spear immediately and made a beeline for the object. AJ couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the faded blue of Clementine’s cap poking out of the water, pinned to a rock by the current.

AJ got on his knees, reaching out far to grab the hat. His fingers barely grazed it as the current dislodged it, sending it floating down the river. Instinctively AJ lunged towards the precious item, causing the soft shoulder on the edge of the river to collapse, sending him into the water.

The shockingly cold water caused him to gasp as his toes barely touched the muddy bottom. AJ flailed his arms forward as his index finger hooked on the strap on the back of the hat. Just as he pulled it close a large splash shocked him and a strong arm wrapped around his torso. AJ struggled against whatever grabbed him, desperately trying to avoid being bitten before he felt himself being flung back onto dry land.

AJ coughed water from his lungs as he flopped onto his stomach, seeing Louis crawl out after him.

“AJ, are you okay? What the fuck happened?” Louis patted the younger boy’s back, the both of them now soaking wet.

“The.. h-hat..” AJ coughed out as he caught his breath, gripping it close to him.

Maybe this’ll help Clem get better.

Louis’ brow was knitted in concern as he reclaimed his discarded coat as he wrapped it around the boy.

“Let’s get you inside.”

---

AJ sat cross-legged in front of the small hearth in the fishing shack. Louis struck his hunting knife against a piece of flint causing sparks to scatter across the pile of dry wood and scrap papers, soon resulting in a small but growing flame.

“So you jumped into the river to get your hat back?” Louis let out a small light-hearted chuckle as he removed his boots, dumping river water out of them.

“I fell.” The boy corrected.

“And it’s not my hat. It’s Clem’s. I was supposed to take care of it while she was gone.”

The greenish stains and caked mud convinced him he hadn’t done a satisfactory job.

“She wasn’t allowed to keep stuff, but I was. So she gave stuff to me so Lilly wouldn’t take it away.” Just saying that woman’s name tasted like poison in AJ’s mouth.

“Clementine didn’t tell us too much about what happened at the Delta, she was mostly just worried about saving you.” He told him, nudging the boy’s arm.

“She’s gonna be really proud of you for saving her when she wakes up.”

“You don’t think she’ll be mad that her leg is gone?”

“She’ll be sad about it, in a ‘I wish it didn’t have to happen’ kind of way… but she’s not going to be mad at you.”

“Maybe getting her hat back will make her happy.” AJ hoped as he examined the peeling D patch.

Maybe me and Louis can fix it up.

“She told me it used to belong to her dad and it was really special. I couldn’t let it disappear.”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy you rescued it then. This is the only thing I have left of my parents.” Louis pulled a thin chain out from the collar of his shirt, a golden ring adorned with several shining gemstones dangled from it.

“It was my mother’s wedding ring, she gave it to me when I was sent to Ericson’s.”

“I don’t have anything from my mom and dad.” AJ said as he thumbed a small rip on the edge of the cap’s brim.

“Clem said my dad got murdered before I was born, and my mom got sick and turned into a monster after she had me.”

“Well your name is AJ and ‘J’ usually stands for ‘Junior’ so what’s your full name?” The freckled boy inquired.

“Alvin Junior.”

“I’m willing to bet your dad’s name was Alvin, then. So that’s something you have, his name.” He smiled at the boy.

“It’s not something physical like a hat or ring but it’s still pretty special. Some would even say it’s even more special.”

AJ smiled as he put the tattered ballcap in front of the fireplace so the heat of the flames would dry it. He had always protected it so fiercely, not letting anyone else touch it. Part of him was sad to finally give it up, but he knew it was going back to the person it really belonged to.

“...Louis?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s it like having a mom?” AJ didn’t know much about his parents, Clementine herself hardly knew them, but AJ imagined the way Clem treated him was what it was like having a mom.

“Oh, Well, uh…” Louis laughed nervously.

“Moms are like… Moms take care of you, and protect you, and they love you no matter what. Even when you do really dumb shit, they forgive you.”

Louis’ smile changed from natural to forced as he struggled to keep the mood lifted.

“So Clem is kinda like my mom.” AJ decided.

“She always protected me. When we first got to the Delta I was really little, and Clem fought them all the time. But she’d tell them not to hurt me no matter what. She’d tell them to hurt her instead, that’s why she has so many scars.”

Louis looked down at the fire as he bit his lip. He took a deep breath before closing his eyes and shaking his head.

“I don’t know how either of you could take all that, for so long.” Louis said in a low voice, scratching a mark on his right hand.

“You’ve been with them for years, but you still stayed strong. Held on to who you really were. Not like Minnie. I looked at her and I just… didn’t recognize her.”

“Clem and I kept fighting because we were fighting for each other. Minerva murdered her sister, so she had nothing to fight for. She had scars too, I think, but her’s were different.” AJ tried to think of a way to describe it.

“Can you get scars on the inside?”

It felt like a pain in his chest but with no wound to show. He felt it when he tried to remember what happened at the ranch. He tried not to feel it when Clem was gone, but for some reason, it was stronger when they did let her visit.

“Yeah, you can.” Louis’ voice became especially serious as he looked the younger boy in the eyes.

“It’s called ‘trauma’ and sometimes it just doesn’t go away. Everyone has some these days, some more than others.”

“Is that why Brody is so scared all the time? Because she has a lot of trauma?”

“Yeah, but she’s got people to help her get better. Mitch mostly, but we all help each other.” He put his hand on AJ’s shoulder.

“You and Clem have a lot of trauma too, and I want to help make it better. I don’t want either of you to be hurting.”

“I think Clem would like that.” He smiled.

“She told me you’re her favourite out of the other kids.”

The answer caught him so off guard that Louis burst into a small fit of laughter. He took a second to collect himself but ended up doing so poorly as giggles still escaped him.

“Well, I’d say she’s my favourite as well.” He chuckled again.

The dying embers that sat before them emphasized the darkness closing in. AJ looked at the sky through the hole in the ceiling to find the originally blue afternoon sky was now painted orange with the setting sun, the last rays of day peeking through the gaps in the structure.

“Shit, we’re late.” Louis said as he also noticed the time.

“They’re probably wondering where we are, let’s get goin’.”

Louis ruffled AJ’s fluffy hair, eliciting a giggle from the boy. The two of them grabbed their buckets and made their way back down the path with a new spring in their steps.

I wonder if Clem will be awake when we get back.

I hope she isn’t worried.

AJ felt his pace quickening in anticipation.

---

The two boy’s arrival at the gate was met with a few worried greetings and a practically livid Ruby who immediately made sure she didn’t have two more patients on her hands. Louis laughed it all off and left to help Omar prepare dinner, leaving AJ to his own devices.

“Hey AJ.” A familiar voice called his name.

He turned to see the boy who had quickly become his first friend since joining this group.

“Tenn?” AJ was surprised to find him without his blonde counterpart by his side.

“Where’s Violet?”

“She’s with Clementine right now.” He said, glancing over at the dormitory.

“She’s not awake yet, but Vi wanted to sit with her for a while. She said she wanted to be alone, but I think she was waiting for you to come back.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, I think she wanted to talk to you… about what happened on the boat.” The boy looked down as he fiddled with his hands.

“Okay, I guess.” AJ had barely spoken to Violet since his arrival, mostly just “Hello”’s, “Hi”’s, and questions about Clementine’s condition.

AJ couldn’t help a slight nervous feeling as his footsteps echoed down the empty hall. He creaked the door open just a crack as he peeked inside

Violet sat on the bunk opposite to Clementine. She had the bandage over her left eye pulled up revealing the angry red scabs forming crisscrossed scars surrounding her pale green eye. AJ could hear her muttering to the other girl under her breath. He couldn’t make out the words, but her tone was sorrowful.

“Violet?” He called hesitantly, making the girl flinch as she realized there was someone else with her.

“AJ? Is that you?” She squinted at him. Her eye didn’t seem to be completely focused on him.

I wonder how much she can actually see.

“Tenn said you were waiting for us to come home.”

“Is Louis here too?” Violet blinked rapidly against the light as she looked around.

“No, it’s just me.” He began to step closer.

Violet let out a sigh as she gripped the post of the bunk bed’s ladder, mindlessly rubbing the worn metal.

“Look, I know you don’t like, know me, but I just wanted to apologize for that shit I pulled on the boat.” The shame on her face was evident.

“I fought back against the wrong people. I let Minnie get in my head and Clementine paid the price.”

AJ wasn’t sure what to say. Violet was hurting on the inside, just like that “trauma” Louis talked about.

“I guess I kinda paid for it too for trying to stop the bomb. I should’ve helped you. I should’ve helped Clem. If I’d been there maybe she wouldn’t’ve…” The girl’s voice began to break as her eye became glassy.

“She needed me and what did I fucking do? I attacked her. I was so caught up in my own shit I let this happen.”

A tear began to slide down her face which she instinctively rubbed away a little too harshly. Violet cursed under her breath as she held her sleeve to her stinging wound, resisting sobs.

She needs someone to help her get better.

AJ jumped up onto the bunk and sat beside her, not entirely sure what to do but he had to try something.

“You didn’t hurt Clem. Minerva did. Then a walker did. Then… I did. But not you.” AJ played with the hem of his shirt.

“The Delta does bad things to good people to make them bad too. That’s what they tried to do to you, but you weren’t bad, just confused.”

“I could’ve done something.”

“That would have been dumb. They hate it when you don’t listen.” AJ had a few scars of his own to show for it.

“They would have only hurt you more.”

“Heh, I don’t know how a kid like you survived living with them.”

“Clementine is how. She’s the strongest person ever.” AJ said triumphantly.

“That’s why I know she’s gonna wake up. We just gotta wait for it to happen.”

A small yet hopeful smile formed on the girl’s lips as she reached out and patted AJ’s hair.

“You’re a good kid, AJ.” Violet said as she pulled her bandages back over her wounds.

“I’m glad to have you with us.”

The door swung open, causing them both to jump as a familiar freckled face greeted them.

“Ah, there you are, Violet.” Louis said in a cheerful tone.

“What’s new on your avenue?”

Violet snorted as she stood and faced the direction of his voice.

“Now that’s the Louis I know.” She grinned.

“Uh, what do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Please, that’s the first jokey thing you’ve said in days.” She shook her head.

“A little fresh air did you some good after all.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Louis denied as he walked over to Clementine.

“Still nothing?”

“I think she was talking in her sleep or something like an hour ago.” Violet crossed her arms.

“I think she was having a nightmare.”

“Really?” AJ gasped.

She really is gonna wake up.

“Ruby said it’s a really good thing, that her mind is becoming more active.”

Louis knelt down next to her bed with wide eyes, touching the back of his hand to her cheek.

“What is going on in that head of yours?” he whispered.

Maybe she can hear me now.

“Clem…” The boy held her ballcap in front of him.

“I got your hat back for you. I know you said it was ‘just a thing,’ but it’s still special. I’ll leave it here so you can put it on when you wake up.”

AJ placed the stained cap on the wooden dresser. It looked kinda gross, but AJ guessed that it was better than not having it at all.

Tennessee came into the room to call them all to dinner, taking Vi’s arm as he carefully guided her to the courtyard. The smile Louis wore as he greeted the others seemed to be contagious among them, the other kid’s happy to see at least his anxiety lifted at least a little. Smiles that faded just a little when he still elected to eat his dinner in the confines of Clem’s dorm room, not wanting to miss anything when they were this close.

Louis and AJ both sat on the bunk adjacent to Clementine. Each enjoyed a bowl of stew made from the fish they had caught while Louis attempted to teach AJ a card game with the similarly themed name of “Go Fish.”

Real fishing is more fun.

As the sunlight faded AJ felt his eyelids grow heavy, finding himself leaning against the older boy just to hold his head up. Louis opened his coat as he wrapped it and his arm around the boy, the both of them far too sleepy to go to the effort of moving. Instead, they accepted their fate of sleeping while sitting on that bed, surrounded by loose playing cards and leaning against the wall.

“Goodnight, Louis.” AJ said as he snuggled into the warmth of the coat.

“Goodnight, kiddo.”

Goodnight, Clementine.

#allegiances #my writing #twdg louis #twdg aj #twdg violet

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eris0330 · 7 years

Text

Hiraeth - Six

☽Pairing☾ ; BTS | Reader

☽Genre☾ ; Angst | Fluff

☽Word Count☾ ; 1.3k

☽Summary☾ Returning back to Korea after years of being under the ground, to see your parents. You wished it was all it took, to feel complete again. The aftermath of confusion, betrayal and sorrow was the reason to never come back into the boys presents. But it wasn’t until, seeing one them enter the same cafe, at the right time.

☽M. List☾ ; 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // 18 // 19 // 20 // 21 // 22 [ongoing]

-------

Wonho's hands were shaking against the fluffy fabric, as Jimin could only piece the puzzle together himself. His nostrils flaring in anger, like the bull seeing red at a match ring. It was strange, very strange to hear the question out loud. Namjoon, as the leader of the group felt responsible of the outrageous act that were following in their own dorm. His taller form, yet skinner came closer to Wonho. Sending chills of his cold aura, that there was only one in control at this place.

"Wonho...Let go of Jimin." His hands firmly placed on Wonho's tense muscles, making the enemy back down on his knees. The cries of another defeat, and the booze fuelling his mind. It was all so fuzzy, and so confusing that it was too much, for his own good.

"I just...I don't know.." Hulking, such a deep sulk and sighs it made the others feel ‘uncomfortable’ of such a broken human being. Namjoon was brave enough, to be one taking care of Wonho. To let him know, that the pain will go away eventually. That what he did was wrong, but that it's too late to change.

"I'll call Kihyun to get you" Yoongi confessed, fishing his phone out of the pocket to retreat to a safe place, making a call. The others, either standing in wonder, or just still in shock of the scene. After all this time, they never knew that one of your past enemies, would come along. Jimin, was even more shocked, of the whole ordeal. He never knew what he should do, fight him? Talk to him? Confess his sins? It was a ride of questions, that only he could answer. But did he want to?

"Wonho...-" Jimin kneeled to the same eye-level as Wonho, catching his blood shot eyes staining his cheeks with salted water. There was a sign of pain, the same that Jimin knew too well. Knowing that nothing could be solved, with the same questions haunting one forever. It was too much, to let him suffer alone like this. "-Get sober- And I'll tell you everything you want. But don't come again like this, this is not something Y/N would have wanted." It was a sign of sympathy, something Wonho hasn't been feeling for a long time. Always sending himself to hell, filled with lies and false hope. Nodding as the only answer that he could process, he would never forget that he needed to do this simple thing, to get his life on track.

"Kihyun and Shownu is on the way" Yoongi blurted out, coming closer to see the two on the same floor. His eyes softening, from anger to compassion. It was a scene, as if it was himself a few months ago. The smell of horrid liquor and accusations of one's fault that no one could soothe. Something, that Yoongi knew too well to not let it slide.

"Let's put him on the couch, get some rest before they get here" Namjoon suggested, taking the arm of Wonho to lead him towards a path he never tried. The others following along, to either retreat to the kitchen, to ignore the elephant in the room. Jimin, frozen in his position to rethink what he suggested only a few minutes ago. Was it a good idea? It's something that will bug him more than it should, having to tell another man, what happened that drunk evening in Busan. Jungkook were the only curious one, to step forward to reach Jimin's arm with a tug for help. His lips pursed into a thin line, looking at his older friend trying to relax his position as before.

"What happened between you and Y/N...?" Jungkook questioned silently, scanning Jimin for his features to change from confused to pain. His fists clenching harder, to feel the regret growing in his heart. The actions he did, and the ones he didn't. His calming brown eyes looking at the youngest, prying a smile from the bottom of his dark soul, to give him nothing to worry about.

"It's a long story." Jimin responded fondly, walking over to observe Wonho stare into the abyss, as the members surrounded him with water and a solid bucket. Out of everyone, Wonho was in the worst state of grief, that had memories haunting at every second he were alone. The boys were looking at him, as if they saw themselves before having the guts to talk about you. His dark circles, short fuse and overpowering anger that were almost unstoppable if it were fired up. They all had something in common besides losing you in their presence; they are horrible to confront what eats them inside.

----------

Walking along the dark concrete and fallen brown dead leaves, passing by your feet to land somewhere else in the world, to wither away in peace. You can't remember for how many times you have passed by the same building, on the way home from grocery shopping or to slither away, watching the office workers leave and arrive. The same faces, that are oddly familiar it's scary. There is no remembrance of them, to let you treasure what you had in that big white building. Bighit, has been the place you would always pass by on your evening walks alone. To make a plan, of how this was going to work. The boys' faces that were unimaginable of how they would seem, when you finally meet them. Not being a part of the group anymore, had given you more struggles whether they were in town or overseas. Were they preparing a comeback? Vacation? Working as they usually did? You created an alias on different fansites, figuring out where and when they would be at a certain place. Though, when it came to their office grounds, it was unknown, always. It had only been a few fans, lucky enough to pass by and see them in person from afar. Your heart aching to see them, but the fear of their reaction stopped you from imagining further. Were they upset with you? Would they hate you? Will everything turn back to as it was? Will you be leaving again? It was the same question, that only fate could answer. The weather becoming colder and darker as days pass by, to know winter is coming so close to home, it hurts. You couldn't help to look upon the building, clenching your chest, wanting to walk in and ask rudely about their existence.

Remembering the nights, spend alone in the practice room, being joined by one of the boys to have a laugh, and walk home to hold hands, scaring the frigid weather away. Their laughter.... was becoming silent. It's been so long you have heard the joy of sounds, that it had become to nothing but inaudible. Their smiles without sound, was burning on your mind to have forgotten such a precious thing. To almost forget them. You wanted to see them, hug them, tell them you will never leave them again. To protect them, and patch them up for the mistakes you have made. The dreams of being one team, shedding tears on your blushed cheeks to desire something so big, it's impossible to start. You didn't want to feel sad anymore, you wanted to feel hope, to feel love like you remember.

"Hey, a friendly reminder, you know you're not allowed to be around here for too long unless you work in the building. Stalkers will be listed on the blacklist, if this continues. I won't need to tell you twi-" A deep firm voice interrupting your stare at the glorious building, to fall upon a man in the dark. His gym bag leaning against his thigh, and jacket folded neatly on his arm. His silhouette coming closer, with the lights blocked by his cap to not identify his face. He was tall, well build and wide as you remember. Your eyes glistering of the tears, to only stand in wonder if this were a dream or not, whether to pinch or punch yourself. His process of walking ending, to watch a familiar cry on the same spot every evening. The poker face he gave to all his fans or stalkers that came across his path on a night off from work. He was mesmerised, and could barely believe what his eyes saw, to crack a light smile.

"-Y/N..."

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seenonmytrail · 7 years

Text

Mt Hood 50k PR - Race recap

I decided to give the 50 K another stab over this last weekend.

It had been a year, and although I signed up for Mount Hood 50K in January, I wasn’t quick enough and ended up on the waitlist somewhere way down the line.

When I was emailed to see if I wanted to participate, I had seven days to prepare.. That isn’t very much time!

Luckily I had been doing some runs that were three and four hours long a few weeks before the race, (including one at Waldo Lake that ended up being 19 miles about 10 days before the race, where I biffed it on the trail, and I still have bruises from). Still, I definitely would not consider myself trained for a 50k! In fact, I was probably trained just enough to get myself into trouble.

I like potential disasters a lot, so this was a perfect opportunity handed to me.

My pre-race prep included looking for campsites and talking a friend into coming along –and then also talking her into volunteering.

I was so glad that Lynn joined me! And, I didn’t realize this, but when she decided to volunteer, it secured us a campsite right next to the start and finish, which I would’ve had some difficulty finding that close to the race.

I cut back on running considerably the last 6 days before the race, because my legs had been feeling rather tired, and I ran 14 miles on the PCT (including climbing) the day before I was offered the spot.. and the 19 mile run was three days before that.

It was a conscious choice to put my energy into resting and trying to get better sleep, eating a little bit less for that week and to withhold running to create a desire to run far: Fresh legs and a fresh mind.

I still managed to do a couple of short runs just to burn some calories during race week, but none of them were more than 40 minutes.

PRERACE The day before, I hardly ate until about 12 pm, when I found an incredible Mexican restaurant in Salem Oregon, and ate one and a half fish tacos.

The tacos were bigger than I expected and I left the tortillas off the second one. The vegetable bar was great- I ate a bunch of pickled carrots!!.. I also had a craving for Pepsi (and picked some up at the store), which I drank, along with coffee, on the way to the campsite at Clackamas lake. I made sure to drink plenty of water once I got to the lake that evening.

NOTE: This may not be the best nutrition plan for everyone else, but it sounded good to me.

Unfortunately I kept stopping on the way to Clackamas lake, and didn’t end up getting there until maybe 5 PM. At that point I set up the tent and started walking out of the campground to watch the 50 miler finishers.

On the way out, I ran into my friend, Lynn. We parked her car and went to the race start, where we watched some very inspiring ultra runners finishing a long, long day.

I got to say “hi” to the race directors and feel the vibe coming off of the finish line. There’s nothing like hearing the music and seeing exhausted, but happy, faces who have just completed something monumental.

After a little bit I decided to buy my dinner there, and purchased a pulled pork sandwich and some coleslaw. This wasn’t my planned race night meal, but I didn’t realize the drive from Government Camp to Clackamas lake took so long– and driving over that pass freaks me out!

We hit the sack about 10 PM and I set my alarm for 5 AM even though check-in time was 6:30 to 7:30 AM.

I did not sleep particularly well, and even had some bad dreams about my kids, and in the night Lynn stepped on my glasses! Luckily, I had plenty of contact lenses and never intended to wear the glasses to race in.

RACE DAY Despite the lack of sleep, I felt pretty good in the morning when I got up, and went right to making some coffee on the camp stove.

For breakfast, I had some bacon and potatoes that I had cooked up previously and brought with me, warmed up on the stove with some eggs. (I can run a 5K on oatmeal, but I don’t think I can do it for 50k.) I also threw down some blueberries which were on the edge of going bad!

At about 7 o'clock I went to check in with Lynn. It was still pretty cold and I kept my jacket on with my shorts and Orange Mud race tank. I tried to wait at the start, but I got so cold I ended up going over by Gone creek in the sunshine and sitting there for about 20 minutes and stretching.

Finally, we lined up to start and I set my jacket off to the side. I had given pacing some thought, and decided to break the course up into uphill and flat/downhill sections. The first part of the race was downhill, so instead of going out slowly, my plan was to go a little bit faster and then intentionally slow down on the first uphill section, then go faster again on the downhill.. (repeat until not possible).

There were quite a few ladies in front of me and of course lots of guys!

I kept with a woman in Nike Pro compression shorts until about mile three when I decided she was going a little faster than I wanted to go.. she ended up finishing about 20 minutes ahead of me, so that was probably a good choice!

My goal was to average nine to 10 minute miles on the downhills, and 12 to 13 minute miles on the uphills.. hopefully ending up about 11 minute miles which is close to my PR.–I also figured that I might totally die anywhere around mile 15. –Somehow, crashing and burning didn’t sound like a bad plan. I wanted to take a little risk, rather than regret not doing so.

When I hit the first aid station, I saw Lynn there with the other volunteers. I was happy to have made it that far and mile six came faster than my watch said. The Garmin 735XT said that I had only reached a little past 5 miles, but I think that it was in the early stages of trying to figure out where the race was with GPS. Regardless, I lost about a mile in the first section of the race on my watch, and was actually running faster than I thought I was!

At this aid station, I made a full stop, just like at all the others. They had cans of Coke there, and Pringles! I had Skout bars and gels on me, but I was saving them. I ate a slice of watermelon, about four chips, and half a can of coke.

Since it was a cupless race, I didn’t realize that I might not see Coke in cans again later! It was much more convenient that way than at later aid stations, when I tried to pour it into my flask, when my flask already had water in it.

After the quick refuel, there was lots of climbing to the next stop. Much of the segment I was running alone, as we had spread out after the first section.

There were plenty of rocks and roots to pay attention to, but most of the trail in between was a fine powdered dirt. The only other runners I saw were at a bit of a distance ahead of me or behind me every once in a while appearing through the trees. I was grateful for the Orange confidence markers that were left, as well as good signage at connecting trails.

When I reached the second aid station, I was still feeling good, and looked for a way to get some Coke. I think I dumped out my flask, and poured it halfway full with Coke, drank that, then filled it with water again. This took a little time, but I don’t think it hurt me in the end. I also ate one of the new mystery gels that I had been given to test. It hit the spot!

A couple of people passed me at the aid station and I decided not to worry about it. I was running my own race, and that’s all that mattered.

I headed out onto another uphill section and was surprised in 2 miles by one of the most beautiful views I’ve ever seen in a race! Mount Hood appeared through the trees in a breathtaking way.

All of that climbing, and the reward was there to see in full glory! A few minutes later and I could no longer look at the view because there were runners barreling downhill towards me!!

The top males were close on each other’s heels at that point, and I did my best to move off the trail for each one of them. It’s something else to see someone running trails at that speed. I didn’t want to get ran over, but I was certainly impressed.. and it wasn’t much longer until the elite ladies were also tearing down the trail.

I hit the crest of that hill knowing that I hadn’t even hit halfway in the race, and still had a couple miles to get to the next aid station. I was starting to feel the need to use the restroom and, unfortunately, this kind of thing can’t seem to be avoided in a 50K.

Arriving at the turnaround aid station, I asked if they had a porta-potty and they did not. They said they had plenty of bushes and wet wipes, but with that many people there I was feeling a little shy! I let a couple of people go ahead of me mainly because I did not want them to catch me using the restroom. I don’t know if I ever caught them again– and I don’t really care. What had to be done, had to be done!

After scrambling back out of the trees, I hit the trail again and headed out for the remaining 17-something miles. I was feeling a little lighter, and also realizing I probably needed to fuel more.

I came down the hill and saw who had been running behind me. It seemed to take forever to get to the forest service road aid station.

At this point, exhaustion was starting to creep in. I wasn’t too concerned about how long I would take at the aid station.. I took my flask and poured water over my head.

Immediately, and aid station volunteer noticed and offered to sponge me off with some water from an orange bucket. That sounded like a much better plan than the one going through my head which was to sit down in the nearest Creek before moving on.

She started to put the wet sponges is on me and I couldn’t help grabbing them and making sure I was quite soaked before I left. My phone got wet, so, after being reassured that it would make it to the start, I left it with a volunteer.

The whole getting wet business may sound a bit ridiculous, but I swear this was a game changer! I don’t like being wet when I am running, but being 10 to 20° cooler feeling has an amazing affect! I had energy again!!! I ate another gel and drank a little Coke, and ate a couple chips. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to keep me going.

After leaving the station, I came across a man who seemed to be running about the same pace. He was right behind me and we ran together for almost the entire segment. I was in the front, and he Supermanned it at one point. Luckily he was OK. This was kind of technical, and it could’ve easily been me. I probably tripped a couple of times but, managed not to fall somehow.

Approaching the Little Crater aid station for the second time, I saw Lynn again. She was smiling and taking pictures and I gave her a big old hug. And then I did quite a bit of complaining. Someone asked me if I needed anything, and I said “a helicopter” …jokingly of course! But, that’s how I felt with 10 miles to go.

For some reason I thought I had only 5 miles to go to the next aid station, but Timothy lake looked enormous! I ran into a group on horseback in here, and moved over and got still for them to pass.

How long would it take me to run to the next station around that lake ?? I didn’t want to even think about it. I kept telling myself to just run. My words of confidence to myself were, “it is an ultra. It’s supposed to hurt.” “You can do this. You can do anything for a few hours”..

I was in the pain cave. This is the point when I wondered if running 30 miles in training would actually help.

Coming around Timothy lake before heading to the last aid station, I started to look at the total time on my watch and wondered if I could make it to the finish in time to beat my goal of just finishing in 11 minute miles… Under 5:46. That would mean a PR. It would also mean I would have to keep my legs moving in a fashion that somewhat resembles running, and not start walking!

Miles kept clicking by slowly, then there was another view of Mount Hood across the lake. It was breathtaking, and if I was done running, it would’ve been an excellent place to sit down and drink something cold, with my feet in the water… But I had about an hour left to run!

Eventually I made it across a dam and saw the final aid station. There was someone misting people, and I made sure to get fully sprayed, as I had dried out completely from the last sponging! It was refreshing to say the least.

I wasn’t sure how much I needed to feel at this point but didn’t want to crash. I ate half of my skout bar and took my flask and put half ginger ale and half Glukose drink in it. I wasn’t caring the flask full because it had to be scrunched down to keep it from pounding me on the breastbone.

I couldn’t remember whether the terrain was uphill or downhill for the last section, and no longer had my phone to consult the map. I just decided to do my best to keep my feet jogging. It started downhill and then went uphill again.

Somewhere in here, I pulled off in the bushes to go to the restroom again. I was doing a good job of drinking and I will never feel bad about stopping because I’m hydrating well. I’m still new to ultras, but I have ran races dehydrated before and won’t take that risk again.

A man passed me somewhere near mile 28, and I had a man close behind me for miles. If I ’t knew how close I was to the finish line I might have given it more effort.

Soon, I started to see little cabins, and the thought occurred to me I might be getting near the finish line. My watch read that I still had a mile to go (One can never trust their watch in an ultra! I have been wrong the other way and had another mile to go and I thought I was done- Silver Falls).

A few strides later, and I could hear people at the finish line.. and then I saw it! Was the clock correct? Could that really be an 11 after the five hours? How in the world could that be?? I was surprised to be the first master female (Which scored my some new Oofos sandals, though I was still more than an hour behind the first female overall!) and happy beyond belief.

(My post race shock selfie #idontdoselfies)

POST RACE I beat my own expectations by 30 minutes, and I happily crossed the line with a massive PR that I can only attribute to a beautiful course, (without 5000 feet of climbing), keeping cool, and making plenty of maintenance stops. It sure wasn’t the long training runs!

I’ve joked about retiring from the 50k, but this course actually makes me want to give it another shot. Maybe it takes five or six before you begin to figure out how to do well at them. I still don’t think that ultra running is my best game, but perhaps there is hope for improvement and satisfaction in learning and growing in the long haul!

GRATITUDE I’m particularly thankful for my sister and brother-in-law who watched the boys while I went to the race. They kept them very entertained and the boys really enjoy spending time with their Aunt Andrea and Uncle Chuck.

I’m also grateful for my dad and mom who have watched the boys when I went out on some adventure runs that ended up being my only long training runs for this race.

And, of course, I owe much to my husband, who does not come to any of my races, but shows unfailing support in his own way by working diligently to support our family and fund my crazy escapades, and who has tolerated my intense need for running therapy over the years. Thanks Babe.

#ultra running #ultra marathon #ultrarunning #ultrarunner #ultrarunners #bibchat #endurance #pb #PR #ultraboost #mthood #mthood50k

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moscowstudyblr · 7 years

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100 Things to do this Summer!

1. Start an art journal 2. Go to the woods and have a picnic in the shade of the trees 3. Buy some new bedsheets that make you happy! tidy your room, have a shower, and enjoy the cold crisp feeling of the new sheets on your skin 4. Make a fruit salad 5. Make an ice cold strawberry smoothie and drink it out of a mason jar cause why the hell not 6. Buy a poetry book and read every poem 7. Go on a road trip to the beach with your friends. Pack a healthy home made picnic! 8. Take your dog swimming in the sea 9. Get up at 5am and enjoy the cool morning before the heat comes 10. Plant some purple basil 11. Invite your friends over for dinner in the evening. Make salads and tarts and break out the acoustic guitar so everyone can sing a song 12. Do something crazy. Sign up for a windsurfing class. 13. Sit under a tree and spend time making a July spread in your bullet journal. Draw some banana leaves! 14. Make your own iced tea 15. Follow Beyonce’s lemonade recipe! 16. Get a pen pal online. Maybe they speak your target language and you can practice! 17. Buy a watermelon, cut it into chunks and eat it outside in the shade 18. Send birthday cards to all your friends with Summer birthdays. Tell them how much they mean to you in the card. 19. Write a short story where the main character is you with a slightly different name 20. Make cucumber water and chill it in the fridge overnight 21. Do a face mask (if you leave it in the fridge for a while first it will be nice and cool!) 22. Buy yourself some flowers and keep them next to your bed 23. Make your own granola! 24. Make a sugar scrub and exfoliate your whole body 25. Run along a beach. Pretend you’re in bay watch. 26. Write your own summer bucket list in your journal 27. Write a list of all the things you’re happy you don’t have to do during the summer 28. Lie on a tile floor 29. Get up early and go to a farmers market (bonus points if you go before 10am so it isn’t too hot!) 30. Make a summer playlist 31. Blast your summer playlist in the car with your friends 32. Give yourself a manicure (or invite a friend over for manicures!) 33. Spend a whole day doing nothing but eating and watching Netflix 34. Make your own ice pops (bonus points if you put fresh fruit in there!) 35. Go to the pool and float around for a while. Ignore any inner voice telling you you don’t look good in a swimsuit - you look rocking. 36. Play your instrument. If you haven’t played in a while, break out an old piece you used to love playing. If you don’t play an instrument - pick one up! Find a cheap violin at a flea market, or ask a friend if you can borrow their old guitar 37. Go to a music festival. Get wicked drunk and scream too loud. (If you’re old enough!) 38. Make croissants from scratch 39. Freeze some bananas and blend them into ice cream! (Awesome with peanut butter and chocolate, like healthy snickers ice cream!) 40. Write a poem and don’t edit it 41. Go to the supermarket with your friends and buy way too much junk food. Stick your face in the ice cream freezer 42. Practice your calligraphy! 43. Lie on the beach at night and look at the stars 44. Make a bonfire! 45. Clean the windows in your bedroom. It’s amazing how much fresher it makes the room feel 46. Make up a green salad recipe that you genuinely enjoy. Pack it full of your fav veggies! 47. Tie dye some white t shirts using turmeric and red onion skins! 48. Have a movie night and watch crappy summer teen movies. Get inspired to have a goofy adventurous summer 49. Try to go a whole day (or even two!) without going online. Realise how much free time it gives you 50. Wear something different - try a new style and see how it fits your personality 51. Make a funky cocktail with fresh fruit and a wedge of lemon on the side of the glass 52. Try doing some yoga! Find a nice flow on YouTube and follow along (I love Yoga with Adriene) 53. Try waxing your own legs for the hell of it (unless you love your leg hair like me!) 54. Cut your hair short if you want to! It will look fab and help you stay cool 55. Buy an aloe vera plant (also great to have in case you get a sunburn!) 56. Put a slice of lemon in your green tea 57. Make your own ice cream sandwich! (Bonus points if you make the cookies yourself) 58. Write a love letter to yourself 59. Make overnight oats 60. Binge watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix 61. Go camping! 62. Figure out the colour of all your friends’ auras and ask them what they think you are 63. Build a sandcastle 64. Buy some clay and make your own little piece of pottery - a mug or a heart or a flower for a necklace 65. Make friendship bracelets for all your friends - or for you and your doggie! 66. Start a poetry journal 67. Make a dream journal to record all your weird dreams! 68. Take photos of interesting things near where you live - it’s fun and it’ll make you appreciate your corner of the world 69. Wear your swimsuit around the house just cause you can 70. Put a spray bottle full of water in the freezer. When it’s cool enough, take it out and spray yourself in the face 71. Make some raw, no bake brownies or cashew cheesecake (awesome for when you want something sweet but can’t bear the thought of turning on the oven when it’s 100°F/38°C) 72. Go a week without wearing makeup. Appreciate the healthy glow your skin has from the sun, and any new freckles that appeared 73. Have a shower on the coldest setting possible. Scream during if you need to! 74. Sleep buck naked 75. Sprout an avocado pit 76. Kiss someone! (If you’re into kissing people!) 77. Give your sibling a hug! Even if they think it’s weird 78. Eat a beautifully ripe peach and let the juice run down your chin 79. Go outside in your bare feet and enjoy the feeling of the warm grass between your toes (just don’t go in long grass if you’re in a very hot climate cause of snakes or ticks!) 80. Name all the bugs in your room 81. Go out for milkshakes or sodas with your friends - or invite them over for some home made milkshakes! 82. Keep a diary of all the things you do during the summer, and how you felt 83. Try doing a cartwheel! 84. Do a random drawing or painting and frame it. Makes everything look 100x more special 85. Order a cheap second hand book online and read it all in one day 86. Look at real estate photos online just for fun 87. Embroider something into your cap! 10 points for being so fashion forward 88. Burn some incense in your room - my fav is nag champa or white sage incense! 89. Get something off your chest - talk to your friend or a family member about something that’s been bothering you for a long time, or a secret you don’t want to keep anymore. Confide in someone! 90. Have breakfast with someone early in the morning. Talk about the things you’re grateful for 91. Write a list of all the future careers you’d like to do, and imagine yourself doing each one. Find out which one speaks to your heart the most 92. Go cherry picking! If there are any cherry trees or orchards near you. Make a cherry clafoutis! 93. Lie down on a blanket in the shade and focus on your breathing. Let a sense of calm wash over you 94. Go to a a drive-in movie - or make your own, if you can borrow a tiny projector from the library or your school 95. Buy a trashy interior design magazine and read it. Cut out the prettiest things for your bullet journal! 96. Write a song! Sing it for your family/friends or just to yourself if you don’t want anyone else to hear it 97. If you have long hair, try a new style - get a YouTube tutorial and learn how to do warrior braids (this will also keep your hair off your neck when it gets too hot!) 98. Put some chilled cucumber slices on your eyes when you wake up to freshen up 99. Write a list of all the things you love about yourself, and all the talents you have 100. Try to enjoy every day - whether you do something or not. Enjoy doing new things, and enjoy not having to do anything. It’s Summer, you’ve got your hat on backwards, and it’s time to fucking par

#studyblr #summer #summer aesthetic #studyspo #100 things #bucket list #aesthetic #peachisty #things to do

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coroarchenland · 7 years

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Get to Know Me - Round 2

I was tagged by @kwamimusings again!

Rules: Answer all the questions, then add one of your own, and tag as many people as there are questions (yeah again, if anyone wants to do it, go for it! Tag me when you do, so I can read it!)

1) Coke or Pepsi? Coke all the way

2) Disney or Dreamworks? Disney

3) Coffee or Tea? Probably coffee

4) Books or movies? I love books, but I tend to gravitate towards movies I guess

5) Windows or mac? Mac

6) D.C. or Marvel? Marvel? I like individual story-lines in each, but probably more in Marvel.

7) Xbox or PlayStation? Playstation

8) Dragon age or mass effect? I have no idea, but I’ve seen a lot of Dragon Age posts lately so maybe that one?

9) Night owl or early riser? Night owl

10) Cards or chess? Cards because I don’t know how to play chess

11) Chocolate or vanilla? Depends on what it is. I don’t like chocolate ice cream, but chocolate cake wins over vanilla by a long shot.

12) Vans or converse? Converse

13) Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar? I have no idea what these are besides what google says, so I’m going to pick Lavellan

14) Fluff or angst? Fluff for sure, but some good angst is nice every once in a while (usually better if it’s followed by fluff though)

15) Beach or forest? Forest

16) Dogs or cats? Dogs? I just like animals okay?

17) Clear skies or rain? Rainnnnnn

18) Cooking or eating out? Uhhhh I don’t have money, but eating out unless someone buys all my groceries and gives me a recipe. I love cooking but not planning meals.

19) Spicy or mild food? Mild

20) Halloween/Samhain or solstice/yule/Christmas? Christmas

21) Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? A little too cold because that’s already my reality

22) If you could have a superpower what would it be? I’m torn, but I’d really like to be able to draw or write what I’m thinking without actually moving my hand because my brain moves faster than I can write. As for normal superpowers, I’d probably say teleportation or telekinesis.

23) Animation or live action? Animation 100%

24) Paragon or renegade? What. Uh, paragon?? (thanks google)

25) Bath or shower? Shower

26) Team Cap or team Ironman? Cap

27) Fantasy or sci-fi? Fantasy

28) Do you have 3 or 4 favorite quotes if so what are they?

“Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”—Walt Disney

“There is a basin in the mind where words float around on thought and thought on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feelings untouched by thought.”—Zora Neale Hurston

“Courage, Dear Heart”—C. S. Lewis

"I assure you my friends, I’m cone sold sober”—Howl Pendragon Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

29) YouTube or Netflix? I use them for such different purposes that it’s hard to compare, but I guess Netflix

30) Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? Harry Potter

31) When do you feel accomplished? Good question...maybe when I’ve spent far too long focusing on something and I finish it better than I expected? Like when a piece of art turns out really well.

32) Star Wars or Star Trek? In theory, I like Star Trek, but I think I know a lot more about Star Wars

33) Paperback books or hardcover books? Paperback for reading, hardcover for collecting

34) Fantastic beasts or Cursed child? Fantastic Beasts

35) Rock or pop music? Rock

36) What is the most important thing in your life? Uhhhhhhhhh...like what would I save in a fire level or like what’s your purpose in life? I’m fairly certain the fire one would be my computer assuming all living beings were safe

37) Mountains or sea/ocean? Mountains

38) How do you express yourself? When I’m home alone at my parents house, I tend to play piano for hours straight, art is always good, and oddly enough consuming media and sharing it is one of the ways I feel like I express myself.

39) What’s the first book/film that really counted to you? My most memorable early film was probably Babar, and then I remember seeing Tarzan in theaters 3 times for some reason. The most memorable chapter books were the Enchanted Forest Chronicles series by Patricia C. Wrede (picture book was definitely Chicka Chicka Boom Boom)

40) What’s your element (air, water, etc.)? Most likely air, because I know in a fight I’d be constantly dodging and probably never go on offense.

41) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Japan is at the top of my bucket list right now. If this includes fictional worlds, Ingary or the aforementioned Enchanted Forest.

42) If you had any job in the world, what would it be? Any job? If I could get paid to perpetually design rooms for my dream home, watch netflix, or cuddle with infinite dogs and cats, that would be pretty nice I guess. Real job? Something in animation.

43) If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? 1) To have a full understanding of how animation, anatomy, art etc work (and by consequence have a marketable portfolio/reel) 2) To be able to play any song on any instrument just by hearing the song once 3) That whenever I need something, I could just reach into my pocket or a bag and pull it out (great for money, forgotten items, etc)

44) If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Ramen??? Or maybe Bibimbap. Both are versatile and easily balanced meals.

My Question

45) Would be a space merperson (astroperson?) or a sea mermaid? I’d want to be an astroperson

#about me #long post #seriously guys #if you want to do this please do #i really want to read them #you guys are cool #kwamimusings

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datslifepodcast · 4 years

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On my 29th Birthday I set myself a goal of completing 30 challenges before I turned 30 in January 2019.

Ok.

Having set myself a “Bucket List” of things I wanted to have accomplished by the age of 30, I set off with every intention of completing them. Or at the very least having a decent go.

Right.

I’m stalling now.

You may have noticed that, disappointingly, my 30 BY 30 blogs stopped after crossing out only four of my list. I say disappointingly, not because I didn’t tick any more off (because I did) but that the blogs stopped prematurely.

But even more annoyingly, to myself, I didn’t tie up the series of blogs in any shape of form. They kind of just, got away from me.

I was actually writing my fifth blog and got about midway through, but I then had a blank and hit a wall with it. And never came back to it.

I kept saying, I need to do a catch up blog, or some kind of post to explain what’s going on. That never happened.

Now I’m 31. Yes, it’s been over a year since I should have finished 30 lovely blogs of all the cool stuff I had done and how I was a better person for it.

If you were enjoying my blogs, I can only apologise. I still have the lost fifth blog that never got published (or the start of it anyway), so I am going to add it to this blog.

And here it is…

#7 Go Scuba Diving

A few days before my 29th Birthday I conversed with my mum, brother and his girlfriend over dinner about the items I had on my list, one of which was scuba diving. When I saw them on my actual Birthday I was given my present, in the form of a Birthday card, and inside it was… a voucher for a Scuba Diving Lesson!

The Voucher was from the Bouley Bay Dive Centre, and allowed me to buy a ‘Try Scuba Diving’ lesson, designed for complete beginners to ‘give you a taste of the exciting and weightless aquatic environment and for you to learn the basic techniques for using scuba equipment’ – taken from their website.

I didn’t book this until the summer, and in the end I arranged it for 2nd September. I tend to feel the cold, especially in the sea. Ask anyone who has been to the beach with me, I am usually the first one out! So that was why I waited until later in the year, and as it turned out it was a glorious summers day!

I arrived at 10-30 am, expecting to be with a few others, only to find out I was having a one to one session with a man called Waz – I didn’t ask if that was his actual name or not!

I was fitted for a wet suit, goggles and the various equipment that we would be using. But before we did anything else, Waz talked me through the science of scuba diving, which I found to be very interesting.

He explained the effect of going deep under water with balloons.

[AND THIS WAS WHERE I GOT STUCK!]

I wanted to make sure I got the science information correct, so I looked it up online and found a video that didn’t exactly agree to what I had been told. Maybe they were explained differently… but it confused me. By the way, it’s not that confusing, I blame the YouTuber!

Essentially, as you go up and down (beneath the surface) the pressure changes, and you must adjust to equalise the pressure. So going down the pressure increases and, using the balloon analogy, the volume of the balloon decreases. This is why you have to release some air so that the increased pressure doesn’t burst your balloon. Now imagine that’s your lungs. Then, when you come to the surface you must release air as the volume is increasing again and will burst you balloon… I think that is the jist, but even as I write this I am unsure that is totally correct. Maybe someone can inform me in the comments?

The instructor was great in the way he explained it, I just haven’t found anything else as easy to follow. Maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, from what I remember (18 months later) is that after being taught what to do we put on all the gear (yes ALL the gear) and walked down to the end of the pier. For anyone who hasn’t been Scuba Diving, it is very heavy. So getting to the sea is a relief because once you get in it suddenly feels nice and light!

The first thing I remember was how cold it was! After the session, my tutor told me that he gives students lots of things to do at this point to take there mind off the cold. It worked.

Soon enough we were ready to go under. However, every time we went down my ears started hurting. He had taught me all the hand signals for when we were under water, so if I was uncomfortable or in pain I could just signal to go back up.

This happened several times, but was maybe slightly less uncomfortable each time. It felt like it was taking forever though, and after a while decided ‘screw this, let’s just go!’ – not the best advice but I didn’t want my first experience of scuba diving to be going up and down about 10 feet.

And then we began.

There is nothing quite like it. It is just so peaceful. We weren’t that deep (relatively speaking) and to be honest it did not feel that deep, but I believe we were about 40 feet down, which when you think about it is quite a distance below the surface. Looking back I think, what if something had gone wrong, but when you are down there it is the last thing on your mind.

The thing I took from it, more than anything, was how clear my thought process was. I was so relaxed, and so peaceful, yet my thoughts were racing around – but in a good way. I wonder if this is how super intelligent people feel, but all the time.

I can’t remember how long I was under for, but we swam for maybe 5 minutes before we made our way back. There was plenty of fish about, and lots of underwater plant life to see. Just a really unique exprience.

One slightly awkward moment occurred at the end when we got back above the water. My head had popped back up, and I felt pretty confident now it was essentially over, and removed the mouth piece (i’m sure there is a name for this) to take a breath of air.

Almost instantly I found myself pulled back under the water and took on a mouthful of sea water instead. My reaction was, don’t worry, I’m still holding the mouth piece, I can just put it back in my mouth… didn’t work! I tried to breath in but got just more water!

Now, for a very brief moment I was essentially drowning (maybe that’s an over reaction, but I was certainly unable to breath). I reached out for my instructor, trying not to panic, and thankfully he pulled me up a little and enough for me to cough out the water and get a mouthful of air!

Phew.

Apart from that, the experience was wonderful, and if it wasn’t for this 30 BY 30 list I would never have done it.

Which takes me nicely on to the rest of my list. What else did I cross off?

Let’s go through the list:

1 Go Indoor Sky Diving First one ticked off, check out the blog

2 Gain a qualification This one, I did not do. At all. That I am aware off.

3 Volunteer See previous answer.

4 Go on the Starfish Course One of the most beneficial I did, please see the blog.

5 Complete the Jersey Round the Island Walk One of the most challenging, but most satisfying. Once again you can check out the blog.

6 Learn to play the Spoons Now, this one I attempted. I watched a video online about how to play them (more to it than you might think) and had a go myself. However, to say I can now play the spoons would be wrong!

7 Go Scuba See main part of this blog.

8 Finish writing my novel Ok, this one needs a bit more explanation.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, but purely for pleasure. So I decided, when a break in work commitments allowed, that I would write a book. I can tell you now that this was the reason the blogs stopped. And largely why I didn’t complete my list. If there is was one thing on the list I wanted to do more than anything it was this one.

So where is the book I hear you ask?

Not finished, is the answer. I completed my second draft, some 80,000 words, but believe me when I say it is SO TIME CONSUMING! Especially when for some reason I took on an 80,000 word story!

Unfortunately for my book, there are still some minor plot holes and things I want to change or improve. It’s a never ending cycle. Alongside that, work commitments picked up again, so it’s currently on hold. Hopefully one day I will be writing a blog to say it’s finished. Watch this space.

9 Join a sports club/league Nope. But I did start playing squash a bit more frequently.

10 Go to a Music Festival An issue with living in Jersey is that Musical Festivals are few and far between. There were two I was interesting in, both didn’t happen that year, and our main festival ‘Jersey Live/Weekender’ was the weekend I was away in Belgium (No. 18 on my list).

11 Learn to make (and then make) Jam YES! I did this and you can ask my family what they thought of it.

12 Watch a Trilogy of films in one go – back to back Surely this is an easy one? Didn’t happen. Maybe now we are social distancing, thanks to the Coronavirus, that might happen.

13 Learn to play a famous song on piano Not properly. I dabbled here and there.

14 Finish reading the Harry Potter Series (Books 6 and 7) This I did! Actually, pretty good books.

15 Challenge my fear of heights at the Valley Adventure Centre No. Think I asked a few people who weren’t that keen, and it never materialised.

16 Make a YouTube video that gets at least 1,000 views This is an interesting one. Every now and again I find myself saying ‘oh, that was on my list’ or ‘another one ticked off!’ – even if I am now over 30. This is one of them, because the other day I was randomly looking through my uploaded videos on YouTube and noticed a 1 minute clip from the Belgian Grand Prix (No 18 on the list) which had 1.5K views!!

Here’s the link (as proof) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwGu1DeR7U4

17 Learn how to wire a plug No, spoke to my Dad about it, never did it.

18 Attend a major sporting event Top weekend, read the blog and check out the video (No 16 on the list).

19 Build a model of Old Trafford This is the most frustrating one. My brother got this for me as a gift. Not for Christmas, or my Birthday, just one day appeared with it. And that was about 3 years ago! Why have I not built it yet. It’s nothing too technical. It even has a photo of a child on the front!

Part of the reason I haven’t done it was we moved flat last year and I kept saying, maybe I should wait as I don’t want it to get broken during the move…

Again, with social distancing happening now, this is a must to get done!

20 Learn to sew on a button Nope! I may have been shown this when I was younger, and I reckon I could work it out if I really had to. But can’t tick that off.

21 Learn about the history of Jersey I would have liked to have said I could tick this off. Maybe another social distancing one.

22 Do a live podcast Blame my co-host for this one. Only joking, we have talked about this several time, and again in current social distancing times it has come up again.

Whilst we are on the podcast, shameless plug? Check out our Series of 10 minute podcasts here: https://play.acast.com/s/datslife/64ffe2c7-5835-4360-8d0e-fb039d6555d1

23 Research my family tree Again, another great one that I did not do!

24 Grow vegetables (that are edible) Ah! I did this, and I took pictures. It was quite a journey. I went to the Garden Centre, bought all the gear, planted my veg and watched it grow. Then we had heavy rain and flooded it all. But I managed to save it and it continued growing and just as it was becoming ready to pick a rat ate everything!!

Well, I assume it was a rat, we saw a rat outside the old flat a few times. All I can say is I hope it didn’t choke….

25 Try yoga / pilates No, but definite potential for indoor Yoga/Pilates from the comfort of my own home. Can’t say I’m that keen to do this one though…

26 Swim a mile in one go Oh wow. Not even close.

27 Create (and make) my own signature dish In some ways, every time I cook it could be classed as a new creation… Another social distancing one. I’m thinking I could make a sub-list of social distancing challenges, but I fear I would probably not finish one that either!

28 Design my own boardgame In my head, I did this. In fact I’ve done this several times and even made some plans. When I wrote this one the aim was to actually have a board game I could play, which I do not. Social distancing list?

29 WILDCARD Still undecided.

30 Throw a 30th Birthday Party And last but not least, YES! It was great, I had close friends and family for a nice meal (no dancing required!) and celebrated turning 30 accordingly. Little did I know at this point that the following weekend I was being flown away to Orlando, Florida as my surprise Birthday present!

And there we are. How many is that? I make it 10 ticked off and a further handful that I started / had the idea in place for, leaving plenty unstarted.

As I eluded to earlier, I still have moments of realisation that I ticked another one off the list, so in some ways the list will continue on forever (or until I finish them all) so probably forever.

What have I learned from this? Easy, that if I don’t really fancy doing something then I won’t do it. No list will force me to something that, at heart, I don’t want to do – even if I think I should or it would do me good.

Maybe that’s a flaw?

I am a glass half full kind of person, and the way I see my list is that I would not have done several of the things I did without the list. Take the Scuba Diving for example, that was a present from my list and once I had a voucher there was no turning back.

If I was a half glass empty kind of person… I would say that was PATHETIC. Not even half? What was the point in even doing a list?

As I said, I’m a glass half full kind of person.

I’m going to leave the WILDCARD as it is. I haven’t got an idea so will wait it out. Part of me is tempted to pick something I have already done, or will do soon, and play it off as a great new idea. But I won’t.

This was a long blog, and if you have read all the way to the end, thank you! I am going to leave my 30 BY 30 list open and keep ticking items off as I go. Hey, maybe I’ll even do some more blogs about some of them…

30 BY 30 – Ok, let’s do this! On my 29th Birthday I set myself a goal of completing 30 challenges before I turned 30 in January 2019.

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lleodavis · 7 years

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2017 HITS Palm Springs “Ironman” Race Report

It’s been on my bucket list to do an Ironman distance race for some time. After completing the half-distance race at this location in 2013 with a friend (Carlos), we both agreed to come back for the full distance the following year. Unfortunately, it was not to be for either us. Carlos succumbed very quickly to cancer. One month he was my training partner, and the next he was gone. Around that same time I was overtraining, and ended up with PF. I rolled over my entry to the following year and vowed to complete the race next year for Carlos. However, a year-long deployment to Afghanistan meant a 2nd straight DNS (Did Not Start). In 2016 I dedicated the 2nd half of the year to the goal of finally finishing this particular race for Carlos, for myself, and all my friends who had supported me in pursuit of this goal. Instead, I made a series of little decisions that resulted in a DNF (my first and only). Fast forward again to 2017, and you can begin to understand the importance of completing not just any Ironman, but this particular race.

This year I’d have company on the long course with my good buddy Freddy as I had convinced him to upgrade to the full in 2017. He may or may not have been drinking at the time but I was happy he agreed as Freddy and I trained all summer and fall. Diana was also back to improve on last year’s first-time half-distance finish. The three of us departed after LA traffic cleared up on Friday and arrived in time to hear the RD’s mandatory race briefing. The course had changed back to the flat route that it was years before. I was disappointed, as last year’s route through Box Canyon, while difficult, was beautiful and a great way to break up the monotony of farmland surrounding Lake Cahuilla. Another new wrinkle was that there would be two different transition areas, but we were starting and finishing at the lake. Otherwise, the course was 2 laps in the water, 4 laps on the bike, and 4 laps on the run. Some of my friends can’t stand loops; however, when trying to conquer a new distance or keep track of your pace, the confidence of knowing the terrain makes racing strategy and adjustments easier. After the participant briefing we quickly set up our things in T1 and took off for our hotel. Despite a few beers and a soak in the hot tub I found sleep elusive most of the night. Perhaps it was race anxiety. Nevertheless, I had been banking sleep all week, and woke up at 0500 feeling well enough and got things going.

We arrived back at Lake Cahuilla a little later than desired (~0615), and had less than 20 minutes to get into our wetsuits, tires pumped up, and make any last-minute adjustments. This would later factor into my bike ride as I had failed to premix my electrolyte powder (Tailwind) into the water in my water bottles. Instead it was left in the back pocket of my bike jersey that I would put on after the swim. In no time at all it seemed as if we were being kicked out of transition and towards the water. The water this year was perfect: low 60s and calm. After last year’s low-to-mid 50s water temperature we were bracing ourselves for the worst. I later said to Freddy and Diana that what we were most worried about turned out to be the best part of the race experience. There were less than 200 participants combined between the half and full distance this year. I’m sure last year’s cold water temps and 20+ mph wind gusts through Box Canyon discouraged a lot of folks from coming back. Too bad for them, but good for us as it meant a whole lot less people at the swim start. Freddy, Diana, and I were almost ready to go when we spotted a photographer and got a group picture. About 30 seconds later it really was go time and Freddy and I were out of position for the start of the race. However, this would prove beneficial as we didn’t have to fight as many people while swimming, staying on the very outside of the pack for the first leg. We stayed parallel to the shore going into the sun. I had just purchased a new set of ROKA mirrored goggles which worked perfectly without any fogging, leaking, or pressure marks on the face. The buoys were a combination of small and tall yellow cylindrical and orange triangle, shapes spaced about a tenth of a mile apart. Except for the fact that we were in fresh water instead of salt water, I’d describe the course as perfect racing conditions.

Given how great the swim conditions were I was free to focus on my strategy, which was as follows: 1. Stay relaxed as long as possible, 2. Stay as long as possible (maximizing distance per stroke), 3. Follow through with every stroke, and 4. Kick only as much to keep your hips up (I’m not a strong kicker). This would be key as I didn’t want to race against the pink hats (half distance male racers), but stay focused on my own strategy. When I turned the first “L” of the first lap I caught my time as ~17:53 and thought, wow I hope I can maintain that. A quick check of my technique and breathing, and I realized, yes, I think I can. Having made the turn with the sun at my back I could see better the line of buoys and realized they curved to the left. I decided to do what I usually do in the ocean and focus on the target farthest away, which took me away from the closest buoys but put me on a more direct path to the last buoy. As a result, I encountered only one other swimmer. He was alternating between breaststroke and freestyle. During freestyle he kicked way too much and would be faster than me during that portion, but then I would pass him during breaststroke. After a couple of times of leapfrogging each other, one of his kicks caught my forearm and I got pissed. While any type of stroke is legal in triathlons it’s really inconsiderate to do it in close proximity to anyone. Still, I’m pretty sure I caught up to this guy and he was swimming away from everyone else so he could do his own thing. I quickly went back to focusing on my preferred swim mechanics and was happy to realize we were close to the final turn (for him). I finished the first lap (1.2 miles) in about 36:13, which I realized would put me on a crazy PR if I could double that. As I come from a trail running background a quote popped into my mind, “It’s not about who’s the fastest, it’s about who slows down the least.” I set my mind to not slowing down and getting my time under 1 hour and 15 mins. The 2nd lap was easier going back into the sun as it was a little higher, and there were very few swimmers in front of me. I found myself trying to catch up to a few of the swimmers ahead of me, and slowly but surely caught up before the 5th buoy and other end of the lake. I’m not sure if it was because I swam a more efficient route (I’m better than average at sighting), picked up my pacing, or if they were tiring. When I turned the “L” for a second time at ~55:26 I knew I had slowed down some, but I was going to push to the finish. I again lined up for a straight shot on the final buoy and had not a single swimmer in front of me as they again stayed closer to the buoy line. The only difference on this final leg was that I encountered a little bit of debris in the form of twigs, but nothing like the kelp that one encounters on a regular basis in the ocean. Last year at this point I was fighting wind and chop in the water. My hands wouldn’t properly close to catch the water on my stroke and my ears were starting to hurt despite the neoprene cap with chin strap. What a difference a year makes! This year I was passing people at the end instead of getting passed. When I stood up from the water I was at 1:14:33 and ran up to T1 for an official time of 1:16:05.

I was 12th out of 37 full-distance participants on the swim. Not bad considering I used to be in the bottom 25% on the swim. Normally, I would compare against my age group and gender, but there were only 4 of us dudes aged 40-44. However, for those of you that love metrics (like I do), I maintained a really strong swim cadence for me (27 strokes per minute avg) throughout, even pushing to 29 SPM to finish. By comparison, on my last three long swims (2 miles, 2.4 miles, and 3 miles) the stroke rate was 24 SPM avg.

I averaged 150 bpm heart rate, max of 174 bpm, which put me right in my Zone 5 heart rate, yet surprisingly I felt like I could have gone another couple of miles. Maybe not at the 1:48/100yd pace that I averaged, but certainly another mile or two would have been easy. Perhaps I’ll eventually get to that 10K swim I’ve been saying I’ll do one day.

T1 was about half the time as last year. I took my time first eating a macadamia nut cookie from subway and drinking some water, then toweling off, mainly my legs as I wanted to keep my socks somewhat dry. Moisture-wicking socks are more effective if they’re mostly dry to begin with. I zipped up my bike jersey over my tri suit (which had my nutrition, a 2nd spare inner tube, and my phone), grabbed my aero helmet, and took off. Total time 5:28.

I immediately felt better on the bike portion compared to last year. I was in far better shape after the swim this year and knew for certain I was a better conditioned rider. The route was 4 loops starting at Lake Cahuilla and ending at T2 only 2.6 miles away. One of the things I did throughout this ride was do math aloud. 112 miles minus 2.6 miles is 109.4 miles. Divide that by 4 and that’s 27.35. Divide that by 2 and each length of a lap is about 13.66 miles. Break down the lengths of each turn. Ok, that length was X miles.. so many miles until the next turn. Ok, my last 5-mile split was 19.9 mph.. let’s see if we can keep it above 19 mph avg for the next 5. I mean really, when it’s you and there are only so many other riders you have to find things to occupy yourself. I’m pretty sure I sounded like a less gifted “Rainman” out there at times (definitely, definitely a good rider) until things got worse, and then I switched to cursing out loud at times. My goal for the race was under six hours. I had completed two half-distance tris where I was able to maintain 20 mph for 56 miles and did that without race wheels. However, since then I had bought super light, super aero race wheels and figured that they would help me combat the ever present wind that is inevitable in the Palm Springs area. If you were to have any doubts about whether or not there would be wind in the Coachella Valley, pay attention to the ever- growing number of wind turbines on the West end of the valley. They’re growing like tumbleweeds in the Mojave Desert. So the answer is, wind is always a factor, but at least for the first couple of laps it wasn’t that bad. Excuse me for saying it again, but certainly not anywhere as bad as last year. The course also had only a combined 1080’ of gain/loss this year. Nothing like the sustained 3% avg climb for 12 miles through Box Canyon with 15-20 mph wind gusts. Yet monotony has its own price to pay. Later on we’d later comment that we missed the hills as the change of pace gave us a chance to coast on the downhills. Granted, that is coming from 3 individuals who have completed 100K or more distances who value the variability that hills provide. The course reminded us a lot of a trainer ride where there is no such thing as coasting. I would like to say that I knew exactly how fast I did the first 56 miles, but I mistakenly forgot to turn off auto pause for the bike portion of training. Moving time was about 2 hours and 51 minutes, which, despite the short breaks I took to grab water bottles of Heed (the electrolyte drink from the aid stations), I was well on the way to a 19 mph avg finish. Now let’s talk about where I F’d up.

If there’s one adage that you should always follow, it’s don’t do anything new on race day. That includes nutrition. That includes making sure whatever bottles they’re handing out will actually stay in your bottle holders. That includes making sure your stomach will accept what you’re putting down. That includes making sure there’s enough calories to keep your body going. Well, I learned that the arrowhead water bottles that they were handing out are likely to slide through my bottle holder because they’re TOO SQUEEZABLE and you’ll have to keep riding until the next aid station in 13.66 miles! I learned that if I’m rushed in the morning I should remember for the LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD TO STOP AND ADD THE TAILWIND ELECTROLYTE MIX IN YOUR JERSEY POCKET TO THE WATER BOTTLE THAT’S ALREADY FULL OF WATER. I learned that waiting to eat your shot blocks, or your ingenious snickers with almonds bar until it’s much later in the day, it WILL BE TO LATE BECAUSE you’re going the distance AND for speed. And why or why didn’t you just use the same stuff you did in training? Yeah, those wonderful homemade sandwiches (sometime with PB&J, sometimes with Nutella and ohney) that you used with the OFFICIAL UNCRUSTABLE SANDWICH CUTTER sealed up nice and easy inside of individual sandwich baggies. NO, you had to get all fancy and stupid with the “I ONLY NEED ONE HAND FOR SHOT BLOCKS AND THEY HAVE CAFFEINE WHICH WILL MAKE ME FASTER.”

Anyway, mistakes were made again. At least I didn’t lose my vision this year. OH, on that subject, I stopped twice at aid stations to remove the visor from my helmet and completely wash my face. The interesting thing is that sweat only accumulated in my left eye twice, which resulted in my closing my eye for a few minutes until the eye generated enough tears to flush it. Later on when I started the run, that same left eye was just slightly blurred. I’m thinking last year’s vision problems were a combination of factors, but perhaps the key one might just be the amount of salt taken into the eyes. I’m a very heavy sweater and I was thankful that while it did get hot at that point, I wasn’t grinding up Box Canyon with both wind and sweat to irritate my corneas. But back to the 3rd lap.About halfway through, the wind patterns did change as it was the hottest part of the day. I started slowing down on my 5-mile splits, and when I finished the 3rd lap (about mile 84,) I decided I needed to sit down for a minute and drink more fluids. I moved my sorry self over to the curb and sat down and thought, what’s wrong with you. This is about the distance you stopped last year. Certainly you’re better than this. You’ve gone through dark times on the trails. You once were counted out and then got up and hiked all night. Your legs still work? Ok, get your ass back on the bike and slug it out. I’d like to say that things got easier after that, but at that point the damage was already done. I could feel both lower quads start to cramp when the leg was fully extended. Being the problem solver that I am, I decided if my quads weren’t going to cooperate, then I use more hamstrings. Well, that worked well enough for a while. The aid station support was actually at the half-distance turnaround. At that time of day only the porta potties remained, and they had moved all support 1/3 mile up the road to the full-distance turnaround. When I pulled in and swung my leg over the seat I immediately felt my hamstring cramp up. Not like someone gave me a Charlie horse, no. This is the scream-out-loud, don’t-fall-over, don’t-pass-out kind of cramp that comes with dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, and high intensity exercise in heat. It’s a special kind of pain, and honestly, I was glad no one else was there to see me. It took about 30 seconds before I stopped clinging to my bike, afraid that I would drop my baby, and moved it over to the bike rack that was thankfully still there, and slowly lowered my butt to the ground trying to stretch out my right leg. As I sat there watching my leg quiver uncontrollably, I again turned to dark thoughts. In times like those you try to fight away the negativity, but inevitably fear of failure creeps in. The idea that I could DNF on the same race two years in a row was lurking, and I quickly turned to assess my options. I had remembered to bring my black “fanny pack” which had a variety of “when things go wrong” options. I quickly took a salt pill, Advil, and salt chewable (digests the quickest). I also finished the other half of Tailwind and sat there. People I had passed were riding by now, one actually asked if I was ok, which was appreciated. I kept massaging my hamstring and quads, hoping to bring them back to life. I needed less than 14 miles to get back to T2 and walk things out. I started psyching myself up. Carlos would keep going if he were here. There was a one-armed guy that did the half. You still have use of ALL OF YOUR LIMBS. Get your ass moving. Slowly at first, and take it mile by mile. Use one leg, just keep going. I managed to pick myself up and get moving. I shifted to the small ring up front to test things out on the bike. That seemed ok. Luckily the wind was now at my back or crosswind. No more aero, just let it push you. I saw that Freddy, who had been about 5 miles behind me earlier, was now nearly caught up. Made sense as I spent about 15-20 minutes sitting on the ground at the last 2 aid stations. As I slowly pedaled my way back to T2 I started thinking about how the salt tablets would affect my digestion. I still had a marathon to get through, and remembered what it was like to walk the last 3.5 miles at LA Marathon with double leg cramps, or trying to finish the last 2 miles at Silverman 70.3 in 2014. It’s one thing to have confidence in the face of the unknown. It’s another thing to have experienced pain and know that if you’re going to finish that there will be no easy way. To quote the movie 300, “This will not end quickly, you will not enjoy this.” But again, I was letting the negativity creep in. I thought of the 400-lb sumo wrestler that did LA Marathon each year. He had power walked it in 8 hours. If he could do that at his weight, certainly I could as well. When I finally finished the total bike time was 6:54:35, a 16.2 mph avg. I finished 20 out of 37 finishers, which was very surprising to me considering how much time I had spent on the ground. I also had an average cadence throughout the entire ride in the low 80s, even when I was cranking out 5-mile splits at 19+ mph, which is very unusual for me. I’d like to say what my average HR was, but it cut out on me very early in the ride.

When I got to T2 I asked for help dismounting. I had someone hold my bike at an angle so low it was only 1 foot high. It made it a lot easier not to test my hamstring by having to swing it high over my seat again. The volunteers sprang to work and took care of everything else. They racked my bike for me, they went and got my T2 bag that I had dropped off at T1 at the start of the race, they were kind enough to take my helmet to my bike and get me fluids. I felt like it was a VIP experience. At the time I didn’t think about how unusual that was for a race, but when you only have 37 full distance finishers (don’t know how many started) and it’s getting late in the day, a half-dozen volunteers makes for an amazing transition area. I’m curious to hear how T2 went for the half-distance racers, but I thought it was amazing. I sat there slowly changing my shoes, putting all my bike stuff back in my bag, and before I knew it, someone had taken that away too. Freddy soon showed up and I was so very happy to see my friend. I could tell he wasn’t having that much fun on the bike. I knew at this point forward Freddy would be ahead of me. I really didn’t care that much anymore about beating Freddy. I had hoped to at least push him on the run, but I knew I didn’t have the legs anymore for sustained running. Nevertheless, we headed out together to walk the first mile of the run. Time in T2 was 14:43.

The aid stations on the run were the opposite of the aid stations on the bike. I will make it a note to write the RD a note saying can we PLEASE, PLEASE have bananas on the bike course. Anything besides Heed and water. But I had been promised a cornucopia of fruit and snacks at every run aid station. At this point that was my primary mission on the run. Get to mile 2 and eat high-sodium and potassium foods; whatever I could stomach. Knowing that my stomach would be imbalanced from having so little solid food on the bike and then adding a bunch of salt I figured I was in for a tough time. Getting to that first aid station and assessing how much I could take in would be everything. I grabbed a handful of pretzels, green grapes, Ruffles potato chips, and bananas, taking my time to chew each as thoroughly as possible. From my experience on the Backbone race earlier the year where I took in too much salt, I knew that from that point forward, the ability to take in fluids and nutrition would determine if I were doing run-walk intervals or walk-run intervals. I asked how far until the next aid station, and was told about 2 miles. I wanted to eat more but was having trouble keeping down everything I had just subjected myself to. Walk-run intervals it would have to be. At that point I was really happy that I had put my jacket in my T2 bag instead of my special needs run bag (which wouldn’t be available until about mile 6), as the sun was already setting behind the 10,000’ peaks of the San Jacinto Mountains at 1600. The run course was 4 laps along the neighborhood roads and leading back to the lake. There were three total aid stations, with the first and third ones being the turnaround points for each lap. It was a completely unexciting race course for the initiated among trail running. The best thing I can say about the course is people driving by and honking horns, yelling at us to finish strong, and of course seeing everyone else out on the course. Considering how empty and quiet the bike course was, this was constant noise by comparison. I won’t complain about the course design, but it had occurred to me that it would be cool if we ran around the lake at least once. Of course, the problem with that is running in the dark, or getting lost. No, they designed a good race course for people who, like me, would be shuffling along in the dark for hours. We were like zombies; mindless, in search of nutrition, driven by the need to keep moving but forgetful in our purpose of why we existed. Some of the runners were pure joy to encounter as they overflowed with positivity and encouragement. I tried my best to do that with every runner, as I believe in karma. And when it wasn’t returned, I sometimes said a small curse under my breath and wished a small curse upon them. I wasted my precious breathe in my state to wish you well and you ignored me. The race gods will strike you down with FURIOUS ANGER for having not honored this sacred code among endurance athletes. But, like a cat’s memory I moved on to the next thought in front of me.

One of the pretty things about the run was that we were one day short of the super moon. Although the course provided us with head lamps, we really didn’t need them to see. The moon was gorgeous and the night was far from dark and full of terrors. No, the head lamps were so that we could be seen among the cars trying to pull in to their gated communities. It didn’t happen very often, but sometimes I’d have to check for a vehicle waiting to turn. That section of the road was the long, boring part of the race that I came to dislike, even though that’s where the most encouragement happened. I preferred running near the lake, which, at above sea level, radiated both humidity and air that was warmer than the desert air around us. During the 2nd lap I discovered they had chicken broth, and forced myself to keep taking that in, knowing it was loaded with sodium. For real, a bowl of that stuff and you’ll have almost your entire recommended sodium for the day. For us ironmen, it was just something to keep us moving. I stopped taking in solids for the most part during the 2nd and 3rd laps. The ability to digest food meant losing blood from the limbs, and I wanted to keep the walk-run intervals up. At least ¼ mile of each mile I would run. At one point during the start of the 3rd lap I ran for a half mile and that made up for walking the entire first mile. By then Freddy was 3 miles ahead of me, and I was realizing I would be out here for too much longer. I started stopping at the aid stations to sit down for just a minute to get off my feet. That hot foot that had started developing on the bike in my right foot was starting to come back. Truthfully, I had done more trail running than road miles, and even though I had a thicker shoe than the Vibrams I trained in, I could feel my feet swelling up and getting angry with me. I decided to switch to a very pronounced heel to toe stride with less pronation to ease off it, and that seemed to keep it from getting worse.

When I got to the start of my fourth and final lap, I ran into Diana, who was back from finishing her race and driving back to the hotel to freshen up. She had her jacket, beers, and vegan food for Freddy and I and was getting ready to catch us crossing the finish line. I was so very pleased to see her. Between Freddy and Diana they’ve pulled me through some very, very long races. They know what motivates me, when I’m not myself (I stop talking), and when I just need to be told to “stop being a little bitch” and keep moving. Ok, they didn’t really say that to me. She told me she was proud of me and that I just need to keep walking and that she would see me soon. 6.7 more miles and I would be an Ironman. About a mile into the last lap I saw Freddy. He too offered up encouragement and told me, “I’ll come get you if that’s what it takes!” I let him know it wouldn’t take that, and to be ready when I got to the finish line. I started running more after that. In fact, I caught up to a few people, passed them, and stayed ahead for the next several miles. At this point I wanted more energy, so I switched to orange slices and water. I love simple sugars, and with less than 10K to go, I didn’t want to waste time trying to worry about the next lap. No, at this point it was finish time. I noticed on my 4th lap that about half the runners had cleared out. Those of us who were left were mostly walking. You’d think that the tall skinny guys would have finished or the really old folks would be last, but there was no rhyme or reason to those who were behind me or in front of me. When I got to the turnaround point I sat down again, this time for a few minutes. My right foot was flaring up again, angry from the run-walk intervals I had switched to. I decided to not push injury and just speed-walk the last 3.3 miles. I could average a 16 min/mile pace on flat ground with no problem. Less than an hour to go. I stuck with the oranges and water, making sure to thank everyone still out on the race course for their support. I have volunteered very few times, but I’m always extremely appreciative of those who take the time to enable us to do crazy feats of endurance, or masochistic behavior (depending on your point of view). With about a mile to go, Diana found me heading in. I was able to forget about everything for a while, which was nice. We got to compare notes on how the race had gone, and I was pleased to learn of her finish and Freddy’s. We kept messaging Freddy to let me know how close we were to finishing. Once we got about 500’ out Diana ran ahead to join Freddy, and I got to muster enough strength to pretend that I was still a runner and not some poser who was out here pretending he was a triathlete. I crossed the finish line just a little after 10:30 pm, over 15.5 hours after I started. It was the longest marathon I had ever done, and the first in which I started in pain. In the end it took me 7:03:12. By comparison, I’ve down a 50K with 4000’ of gain/loss in 90 less minutes. I finished 35 of 37 overall in this category, clearly the hardest part of the day/night for me.

Overall, I finished 26 out of 37 finishers. Considering the downward spiral of cramps, nausea, and moments of sitting, I’m shocked I finished where I did. I was thrilled to have finally finished for the night. Not for the pride of accomplishment, but because I wanted my bed. I wanted to be resting. I had threaded the needle between pushing my body just fast enough to avoid throwing up and succumbing to cramps for nearly 8 hours. Not exactly the most fun way to complete your first ironman distance race, but I’m already thinking about how to improve and getting another shot at it. But mostly, I’m just super thankful to my friends who were there to see me through this, yet again after doing stupid stuff on race day. Super thankful that we get to share in these moments and keep going. People wonder why I’m so faithful to this particular race. I’ll tell you, it’s not the race, it’s not the place, it’s the faces staring back at you when you finish. May you find those moments in your life too.

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painfullysingle-blog1 · 7 years

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Too Many Questions I Probably Don’t Want Answered

I’ll explain a bit more later but as for right now I just need to get them all out. I want to ask my ex so many questions but I don’t want to ruin my progress and my friends won’t say it but they don’t what to fucking hear about it anymore. Anyways, this is a list of questions I want to ask my ex and when (hopefully) we get back together I will ask him them and try to keep an open mind.

1. When I was on my first week on No Contact, you tried to call me on snap chat twice after midnight when you were on your bus crawl. Why did you call? What did you want to say? It has been a month since then and it is driving me insane.

2. When and why did you add E. (his last ex) back on Facebook? You hated her when we met and sounded like you still wanted nothing to do with her after we broke up but you still unblocked her and are now friends. I saw she liked 2 of your posts and I cried for a few hours about it.

3. Why did you keep the pictures of you and her but now there is almost no trace of me on you Facebook profile? This was a huge slap in the face because you had said you wanted us to remain friends and that you didn’t have to get rid of the ones of your ex because they didn’t mean anything. Did you do it because I did? Did you do it because they are hard to look at (like I did)? or did you just hide them from view until we get our shit back together?

4. I kept a box of mementos from all our dates, the first time we slept together and other stuff like that which you insisted on keeping the day I moved out but when I went back later I couldn’t find it but saw you took out the garbage in the bathroom. I had asked you if you threw it away but you said you just moved it. Was that true? Since then have you looked at it? Since then have you decided you don’t want it anymore and thrown it away?

5. Do you remember on Sunday June 4th when I texted you for the first time in three weeks? You talked to me on Monday and said that E.F’s (his friend and gym partner) dad had passes away after his band played on Saturday. I had half planned on extending my No contact period to 30 days and it wasn’t suppose to end until Monday but I got an awful feeling in my stomach and had to message you. Judging by how you messaged back I could see something was wrong but I didn’t know what it was or if it was just me. You came to talk to me on Monday about it and cried a little bit. I wanted to ask you if you were ok. Are you ok now? Can I give you a hug? I could use a hug from you any time of day and would love to give you a hug when you need one.

6.When I was on my second week of no contact you had gone out again and started messaging me on snap chat, I know because the notification for typing to someone showed up. What were you going to say? Were you drunk and just wanted me to message after 2 weeks of us not talking?

7. Before that snap chat notification, in the middle of the week, I went to Dairy Queen and got a strawberry milkshake (your favorite) because you were sitting over there. I had hoped you would say hi to me but you didn’t but on my way home you sent me a text that said hey stranger. Is it because you saw me? Where we going to have a conversation if I could respond? Did you want to tell me you missed me? I had so much I wanted to say but I want more than anything to get you back and if that means 21 days on no contact then God dammit I am doing it.

8. I am always looking at my messenger to see when you are available. You are on a lot later than we use to even stay up and it makes me wonder: Who are you messaging that late? Your other ex? A new girl? Are you ever hoping to get a message from me? Some time I go to our message and begin writing “hey” or “I miss you” but erase it. I hope you are doing the same thing by sitting and looking at our message and hoping I will send something. I hope you will see me writing, then stop and then message me to ask about what I was going to say because stuff like that drives me crazy and i really want it to drive you crazy too.

9. Do you really not remember after we broke up when we still lived together and I got blisters on the backs of my heals after my bus crawl?We talked about it a little while ago in person and you asked if I was still living with you then and it tore a little hole in my already mangled mess of a heart.

10. Do you know how I use to never wear the watch you cave me because when it was cold the face would fog up and before I got it fitted it was way too big? I wear it all the time now and I almost cried one day when I didn’t wear it to school. I love my watch. Even if the roman numerals for 4 aren’t suppose to be IIII and I didn’t like rose gold when you got it for me and I don’t particularly love all the jems on it. It reminds me of you and how happy we were that Christmas in the video of us opening up our presents from each other

11. Do you ever wish you could go back and change it? The fact that we broke up or even us meeting? I tried to imagine us never meeting and it gets too hard to breath that I just can’t do it for very long. I wish I could go back to the night we broke up and not tell you to get it over with because i was really hoping you wouldn’t and we could fix it.

12. Did you know I was starving myself after a few days? I was so sad I just didn’t have an appetite. Is that why you brought me a piece of our roommate's garlic bread one day? Did you know I ended up eating it but i ate it so face I knew it would make me sick so I threw it up in the bathroom?

13. Did you know I didn’t throw up much in the house I moved into after I left? It was mainly because I almost never ate. The starving had nothing to do with me wanting to lose wight, just a lack of want for food.

14.Do you remember talking to me the day I told our roommates I was moving out? You had asked me if I found a place yet and I said no. You then asked why I already decided on when I was leaving. I don’t remember what I said to you but you could tell I was lying. I picked a date because I wanted to put a burner under you and I hoped that it would get you to change your mind and tell me to stay. It worked a little bit when you told me I could stay until I found a place that was really good for me. It killed me not to stay but it also killed me sleeping in the spare room crying myself to sleep knowing you were in the next room and could hear me every night when I was crying. I wanted nothing more than to be in our bed together.

15. The night I moved out I was going to sleep over at my guy friend’s house. He knew I was freshly single and vulnerable and he invited me over for drinks. I was going to stay and sleep in his bed and let him cuddle me because ti was the closest thing I was going to get to having you hold me. Did you know I was over there? Did you know my plan? Did you know how much it killed me to even think that would compare to being back in bed with you?

16. Do you ever think about the relationship? The sex? The fights? The hours we would just hang out together? I miss it all so much.

17. Did you end up deleting my account on you PS4? I know I got you to delete your other ex’s account because of how much it bothered me. I want to come over and play with you but I’m terrified that my name won’t be there anymore and It would ring through me like a hot sword through my chest.

18. Did you know I started praying at night? It started out with me hoping you were happy but I could never get through it without crying and asking God to tell you to get back with me. I still tear up when I pray but I think it might be from yawning at night. I say my thanks for the day but I really am just hoping that it will bring us back together somehow.

19. Right after the break up I was an absolute mess. You would watch me cry in the spare room and told me that all I had to do was try to like this place more and we might have a chance. Did you know I am doing my absolute best to like where we live now? Did you know I was far too broken to do anything about it then? Does your offer still stand? If I can prove to you I am trying, and succeeding, on liking this place, will that be enough to make you reconsider us getting back together?

20. Do you remember coming home drunk one night and I was still awake and I asked you if I could sleep in the bed tonight because my back hurt? Do you remember us talking while sitting on the stairs? I told you I was going to go get you some water and a bucket and when I came back you were naked, face down on the bed. The next morning you said it was because you were really hot and you left the house for hours. Was that really it? All this time I have been hoping it was your secret little way of telling me you want me back but couldn’t actually say it. Is that true?

21. Do you know I started getting high again? Not because I like the feeling but because it makes life feel a little better when I can’t be with you. It’s an awful excuse and I don’t want to do it but I honestly don’t think I could manage being sober all the time.

22. Do you know I was taking a few other pills too? That some nights I take sleeping pills just so that I don’t have to lay in bed and be sad when I work so hard during the day to be happy and I don’t want to ruin it. I’m trying Law of Attraction stuff and visualization and changing the frequency I put out to the world to get you back. I want to say it is working because today you came to me to show me how well you did on a midterm and that one monday after i ended no contact you talked to me about all the sad things about your friend’s dad passing away and cried next to me. This being after You got your tattoo and I couldn’t help but laugh that it was all red and looked infected. You told me you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to me about personal stuff for a while. I had only laughed because I was scared you were going to get really sick and I couldn’t bare the thought of you being that badly hurt. I don’t know why laughing was the response but I was scared and concerned.

23. Did you know that today when I asked you “Can I ask you something?” i was going to ask why you are friends with your ex again but knew it was a bad idea so I told you about what I wanted to do this summer. I honestly don’t care about your ex because I never met her and I know she is in a relationship with someone else but she hurt you really badly and that affected me and our relationship. If we get back together you can keep her as a friend on Facebook, I don’t care. I just want you to be happy.

24. Do you know why I said I wouldn’t visit my friends over the summer when I told you about my summer? I thought you would be relieved that i wasn’t hanging out with them after I had been hit on this past Christmas and was oblivious to it until he just about made a move on me. I thought if I told you I wasn’t going to go see them then you would think I’m really leaving my old life behind and trying to do better. It would kill me to leave them because I literally have them and my mom but I don’t want to be the same person I was in highschool and I thought this was the way to do it. I would probably change my mind and go see them anyways.

25. Do you know why I’m on campus so much? I wait for you to walk by after our MWF classes and I run to see you at the end of my class so that I can see you walk by and hope you stop to talk to me when you leave for the day. Today I waited until after 8 because I knew you had a late midterm and i was going to stay until 9 because I didn’t think you would get out until then. I saw you were online on messenger so I tried to sit somewhere you would see me when you left but I guess I missed you. You had walked right past me and didn't stop to chat on your way to your midterm so I moved to a place where we could see each other when you go to the bus but I still didn’t see you. You must have taken a different way because you thought I would be waiting there. I like to think you walked to the bus stop a different way because I know the building you were in is right across the road from the bus stop but you normally walk through where I was to get to it. Maybe you started walking outside instead.

26. Do you know in the past I was looking into moving to the province you were born in? I have been thinking about that more and I think I am going to apply to med school in that province because I’m pretty sure that is where you are going to work when you are older and I’m hoping we will live together and things will be back to normal again.

27. Do you know I haven’t gone a day without thinking about you since we started hanging out? Even since we broke up, you are never really out of my mind. Am I on your mind as much? Or am I just crazy?

28. Did you know that in highschool when I would get in fights with my friends I would actually be able to say I hate them and feel like I actually mean it? And how I haven’t been able to say I hate you because I am so in love with you even thought we aren’t together anymore?

29. Do you remember the first time we were suppose to party together? It was 2015 a vagas style party in our residents and you drank too much because you were nervous and we didn’t even get to hang out before you got put to bed. Our RC came to tell me in front of a bunch of people that she put you to bed. I didn't know how she knew we were a bit of a thing but I went right upstairs to check on you. You were passed out and I didn’t want to wake you u but I put my head on the pillow next to you for a little while and told you that I was worried about being around you because something about it just drives me crazy and I can’t explain it. And you did something similar when I got sick after one party. You wouldn’t let me sleep down in my room because I had started sleeping in your room on the weekends so you piggy backed me from my room up to your room so we could sleep together and you could make sure I was ok. Another party I had blacked out and when I woke up you told me I was talking to J last night and you hated it because I guess I had gotten really close to him or was flirting or something. I miss having you care that much. and us going to parties together

30.Do you know that I want to do something dangerously stupid to end up in the hospital just because I want you to come sit by my side? I have you as an emergency contact on my phone but not on my health card so I’m not sure if they would call you. I have thought of paying one of my guy friends to punch me in the face so I get a black eye so I can run to you for help or have him do in in front of you so you can come over and save me.

31. Do you know I love you and I honestly don’t think I will ever be able to stop? I want you back so bad I don’t want to do anything until I get you back. I’m glad you’re so busy all the time because I know that means you probably don’t have time to date or find someone else. I want to tell you all of this but I know this is all pathetically stupid. I tried to get over you but I couldn’t. I went on dates with a few other guys but actually felt physically sick doing that. I haven’t had a hug since the time I cam over to watch the fight on T and you fell asleep. I wanted to tuck you into bed and crawl in next to you and stay the night.

I’m sure there are more but these are all I can think of for now. I have finals to study for and a paper to finish and an assignment to start so I shouldn’t have wasted the time but couldn’t focus until I got it all out. I’m emotionally exhausted now so I’m probably just going to crawl into bed and pray before trying to sleep. I think when we get back together and we are in a good place I will tell you some of this but I don’t want you to see how needy I am and how fuck I am since we broke up. I want to show you I am better than I use to be and I am hoping to show you that when we go hiking next week. I was so glad you agreed to it but I instantly wanted to ask you for more. I had to stop myself so I can enjoy this and not scare you off. I want to show you I exercise more now and I am happy in the city I am in. I want you to tell me you love me and you don’t want me to go for the summer but I will settle for you saying you want us to get back together or at least have us talk about it. I need a guardian-angel because I can’t do this alone. I miss you and I love you. I just want what’s best for you. The only problem is I think I am what’s best for you.

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exposingillusions · 7 years

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When I received an invitation to a wedding in New Zealand I thought to myself, why not? New Zealand has never been high on my bucket list of destinations which I suspect is due to the “friendly” but actually somewhat damaging rivalry that Australians have with New Zealanders. Unfortunately this meant that I had NO IDEA that New Zealand is the world’s best kept secret and is actually the most stunning and friendly country on earth! Move it to the top of your destinations list STAT and for tips on where to go and what to do make sure to refer to this blog series.

We arrived in Christchurch around the start of spring and after pursuing cherry blossoms in Japan earlier in the year I was delighted to discover that Christchurch was chock full of cherry blossoms in peak bloom and without all the pesky crowds that Japan draws.

A cherry blossom in Christchurch Botanic Gardens

In a strange juxtaposition Christchurch is still very much suffering the effects of the 2011 earthquake as evidenced by the multitude of beautiful ruins. But if you’re like me and are fascinated by abandoned buildings a slow drive around the city centre is like stumbling into a bittersweet dystopia. Christchurch contains so many utterly gorgeous heritage buildings, both intact and otherwise, that I was disappointed to have scheduled so little time here. Had I known I would have forgone that trip to the Re:START shipping container mall with its tourist fodder and ludicrous parking prices and spent my time strolling the streets admiring the buildings. (No photos to show because not enough time obvs.) NB. You’ll hear a lot of people say they wish they’d spent LESS time in Christchurch but I think that’s because there’s just so much to see on the South Island, not that Christchurch is necessarily a crap place to be.

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Earthquake damage in Christchurch city centre

Re:START mall in Christchurch

When the Botanic Gardens take up roughly a third of the entire city centre you know it’ll be worth a visit and Christchurch’s gardens naturally did not disappoint. We spent an all too brief morning here after breakfasting at the gardens’ Ilex Café where the waffles are so damn good we came back for them again at the end of our trip and wandered among the gorgeous spring blooms where I had visions of Alice stumbling into Wonderland. In fact I’m planning an Alice inspired art series using pictures I snapped here.

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Punting on the Avon and ducklings

Some weird chick

Trees on steroids

Daffodils everywhere

Bloody HUGE

To die for waffles at Ilex

That afternoon we pointed our hire car towards Mount Cook and at the first sighting of snow-capped mountains pulled over and took roughly 100 photos completely unaware of just how many snow-capped mountains our future held.

Snow!

I recommend you make your first major stop on this drive at Lake Tekapo, 27km worth of brilliant blue glacial waters of which the main road passes only the very tip. This is where you’ll find the Church of the Good Shepherd, which has become almost a rite of passage for astrophotographers due to its location in a dark sky reserve (meaning there’s no artificial light pollution). Unfortunately what we found was bus-loads of tourist and a church far tinier than expected, but as I quickly learned from New Zealand, even when conditions are disappointing the views are still so mind-blowingly stunning that you come away feeling like you’ve experienced something magnificent regardless. If you’re all about star chasing be sure to spend a night here but from what I’ve heard it’ll be a far less solitary experience than you’re probably imagining. Also, summer is a recommended time to visit when the picturesque lupin flowers are in bloom.

Views of Lake Tekapo

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Church of the Good Shepherd

Us, Lake Tekapo, right out front of the church

Further on is NZ’s largest lake, Lake Pukaki and its Information Centre where we stopped for an ice cream with a side of views.

Lake Pukaki

This lake then accompanies you almost all the way to Aoraki / Mount Cook. The road to Mount Cook is 40 minutes of pure bliss. With an icy blue lake on one side and snow covered mountains in every other direction it’s hard to know where to look but do keep an eye on the road in case freshly shorn sheep are wandering across because this is New Zealand after all!

Photo stop on the way to Mt Cook

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Sheep

Gross

Ugly

Yuck

We arrived at Mount Cook just on dusk to see the surrounding mountains quickly swallowed by fog (mountains? what mountains?) which dashed my plans for photographing the stars but meant I could get comfortably cosy in the South Island’s snow covered heart. Be aware that due to its remote vicinity Mount Cook’s food choices are expensive and mediocre at best so self-catering is highly recommended.

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The View from our accommodation

Aoraki Mt Cook Alpine Lodge

Skip driving for selfies with mountains

We stayed at: Azena Motel, Christchurch (terrible, suggest trying Merivale area instead) and Aoraki Mt Cook Alpine Lodge (good for budget and self-catering but most people stay at the more costly Hermitage).

Recommended photo stops: Christchurch City Centre (many roads closed to public), Christchurch Botanic Gardens, Lake Tekapo and the Church of the Good Shepherd, Lake Pukaki, and every roadside pullover on the way to Mount Cook (or get your non-photographer friend to drive and use a high shutter speed to freeze the moving scenery).

We wore: In spring it was mainly foggy and overcast, cold, but not freezing. Suggest layers and a puffer jacket with hood.

Distance: Between Christchurch and Mount Cook Village is approx. 4 hours, not including scenic stops.

Please note, although Fox Glacier / Franz Josef is close to Mount Cook on a map, you can only get there by helicopter so you’ll need to drive to the West Coast to access it. This confuses TripAdvisor so make sure you’re staying in the right township.

2 Weeks in New Zealand’s South Island. Days 1-2: Christchurch to Aoraki / Mount Cook When I received an invitation to a wedding in New Zealand I thought to myself, why not?

#aoraki #christchurch #christchurch botanic gardens #church of the good shepherd #guide #holiday #lake pukaki #lake tekapo #landscape photography #mount cook #mt cook #new zealand #photography #roadtrip #south island #travel #travel blog #two weeks

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