#this doesnt all just feel like crushing pressure on you?? you actually just love doing shit?

[joyouspursuits]

Flabbergasted by the way that people keep telling me how they love life and about how they're busy but it's all good cause they love what they do

#every time i feel like an alien and that im staring at them like they have three heads #i dont understand it like you love this?? all of this? all that you do #all that you have to do #this doesnt all just feel like crushing pressure on you?? you actually just love doing shit? #i feel crazy #the more involved i get with college and take a “leadership role” the more i realize that these people just like.... arent depressed? ig #i feel so out of place and i suck at my job #i feel like ppl dont like me and I'm tryin to be a good prez for the club but being ME makes the club worse #ugh #embly rambles

[riiwrites]

I'll drop a request :DD

not sure if u have a character limit but you can pick the characters (≧▽≦)

hmm charas of your choice and the kind of hugs they give?? I want to give them all hugs <33

use this however you please:)

bsd characters and their hugs

a/n : hi again!! tysm for your request! i decided to just kind of go random with the characters so i hope that’s alright, i hope you like it <3

characters of choice : dazai, atsushi, akutagawa, chuuya

— Dazai would be such a bear hugger, hugging you tightly and almost squeezing you half to death. He’s definitely the most affectionate out of the lot and just loves hugging you everywhere you two go. It’s a nice thing but sometimes its not so nice when you practically FEEL your ribs crushing because of how tight his hugs are but don’t worry!! he lets go the pressure just a lil bit when he realises..

— Atsushi would be the most humble and wholesome when it comes to giving hugs. He would give you a long heart to heart hug with him gently placing his head into the crook of your neck while having the most precious smile on his face. He would also say “thank you” for the hug if it was him to receive it from you. He loves the long passionate hugs where he can just stay in the moment and not focus on anything else other than those particular few minutes with you.

— Akutagawa would be a little awkward when it comes to hugs. He’s just not quite used to giving or even receiving such acts of affection but that doesnt mean he wouldnt hug you at all! He would be gentle with hugging you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in gently closing his eyes for a few seconds before clearing his throat and pulling away. Over time he would get used to the feeling of someone hugging him and whenever he does get the chance to hug you he feels a little spark in his heart. :)

— Chuuya would be the one to give you a from behind hug. He’s affectionate but not as affectionate as Dazai where he’s actually smothering you. Chūya would approach you quietly and come up from behind slowly snaking his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder watching you do whatever you’re doing at the time he decides to sneak up on you. He truly enjoys the peace and silence he has with you during that time as he is either busy or stressed out with work. It’s moments like these that get him vulnerable and make him feel his safest.

#bsd #bsd atsushi #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd akutagawa #someone please give akutagawa a hug #bsd headcanons #bsd x reader #fluff #wholesome #hugs #atsushi nakajima #dazai osamu #akutagawa ryuunosuke #chuuya nakahara #bsd x you #atsushi x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #riiwrites

[tulipsforvin]

OMGGGGGGG

I just remeber reading youre post about reader dying. The part with Louis hit HARD. While I can definitely see him and me as reader in that scenario, (dw I am fine– almost.LOL) I thought Albert would fit in this one soooo much better. (My opinion.... also Pre timeskip) OFCOURSE Louis fits in there GREATLY. AND I LOVE IT SOSOSOSOSO MUCH LIKE I LITERALLY CRIED BECAUSE IT WAS SO SAD AND BEAUTIFUL <333 ACTUALLY THANK YOU SOSOSO MUCH FOR SHOWING US ALL OF IT YOURE WRITING IS JUST– mhwa! <3 (⁠๑⁠♡⁠⌓⁠♡⁠๑⁠) (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥ AND I KNOW YOU HEAR THIS A LOT RECENTLY BUT HONESTLY??? YOU DESERVE TO BECAUSE..... YOU..JUST!?!?! SO GOOD WRITING ???? Anyways– eghm... So what I was going to explain right now was how, you mentioned in one of youre post, Albert as a Boyfriend and that he wouldnt like someone who cant keep Hygiene. So I thought that, imagen, reader falling into depression (for whatever reason) and stopped keeping themself clean because of the lack of energy. They stopped showering, brushing theyre teeth etc.. and he started to feel grossed out by them. Not by choice ofcourse. He really doesnt want to feel that way, he loves them with his whole heart and soul. But he cant stand this anymore. He dont want to kiss them or sleep next to them in bed. So he tries to do the right thing and breaks up. He explains to them how he still loves them but cant stay with them any longer if they can't even brush their teeth . He doesnt want to hurt them much more and hopes that they can find help and get better. only to see them 2 days later lying in a cuddle of their own blood. He tries to crush to them, regretting every decision he has made earlier– just like Louis in that one hc. He doesnt want them to die. To think that theyre gross, annoying, stupid, useless, anything but beautiful and extremely Important. But hes too late. Youre already dead. Or so he thought. Just for the doctor to tell him that they had immense luck and that its almost a mirracle how you survived. He's relieved and his knees give way beneath him. This burden and the pressure on his shoulders falls away, almost in tears he asks the worried doctor kneeling next to him if he can see you. You're awake but you try to turn around when you see his face only to be follow by a huge pain in youre body as you tried. He obviosly doesnt care and rushes to youre side. He feels really guilty and apolegises to you. You dont care, you tell him to go away and add ' You left because you felt uncomfortable by the lack of my hygien. That was okay. But dont come back to me and say you care when that was the reason you first left me.' He accepts this and goes home at first. But eventully comes back with flowers while youre asleep. He wants to show you he really did care and peels you some appels. When he held you in his arms, unconscious and bleeing like a dove shot by hunters, he realised how much he could have done to help you. He could have talked, and or showered with you. But instead he just choose to not face it. He won't make this mistake again. Even If you will hate HIM for the Rest of youre life. He will show how much he loves you till get sick of it and just forgive him. He doesnt ever wanna let go of youre Hand anymore. He has experinced the feeling of youre abscence once, and he surely would never want to expierince this another time. Because he's confident that he wouldnt live that over.

Hahaha sorry that was loooong. I would like to hear youre opinion. I Hope you Liked it!! ♥️♥️

WAT THE HELL THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA???

PLEASE DON'T EVEN FEEL REMOTELY WEIRD, BAD OR EMBARRASED ABOUT HOW LONG THIS IS BECAUSE THIS IS SO GOOD I'M GENUINELY SPEECHLESS. HOW IS THIS NOT A FIC YET?? THE POTENTIAL AND THE ANGST IT HAS WOWOOAOA

I can't even stop complimenting you honestly i absolutely love and am utterly and sincerely stunned at how you're able to incorporate two small things i said into creating this masterpiece of an idea??

believe me when i say i waited five minutes contemplating whether to even post this because i didn't want anyone to steal your idea. i'm being so for real right now if you don't want to turn this beautiful plot of an idea into writing yourself for some reason because if it was me i'd trademark this and stamp anything that states my ownership of a plot so delicious (since again, this is so good and has sm potential) then please, please let me at least attempt and and try giving this amazing, almost an artwork plot life someday. not sure if i would even do it justice bro damn but like you'll totally get the credits WOWOAOA. i can't even stop with the compliments because i'm genuinely baffled at how absolutely golden this idea is. god damn. LIKE OKAY SHAKESPEARE.

ANYWAY ARGH LMAOAOA don't mind me fanning over you and this.. i don't even have words left to describe just how good this plot/idea is but YEAH but this is genuinely so good. i'm somehow going back to babbling about how wonderful this is and i don't think I'll be able to stop if I don't end this here because holy shit the potential it carries is astounding and me personally, i love angst so this is.. FUCKKC I CAN'T STOP SAYING HOW GOOD THIS IS. LET ME END THIS HERE FOR REAL NOW — THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS + THE NEVERENDING SUPPORT LOL IM GRATEFUL YOU LIKE MY WRITING <33 I HOOE UOU HAVE THE BESY DAY OF UOUR LIFE

#the way mt jaw dropped #when i firsr received this #and then i went reading on #and on #and then my jaw dropped even further to the ground #until it reached rhe depths of hell #because GOD. DAMN. #hoe good can an idea be?? #i vant even type cuz im genuinely shcoked #like hello #please be my muse #PELASE PLEASE PELASE OELASE #vinyaps #anons ask vin ‧₊˚✩彡

[nyashykyunnie]

Sung Jinwoo x Bubbly Reader

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

﹢　˖    　✦      ¸ .　﹢　 ° 　¸.    ° ˖ ･ ·̩　　 ｡　☆.     　﹢　˖    　✦      ¸ .

He is whipped. Thats it. Really./j

Your smile, your giggle, that wide grin along with your twinkling eyes that shines whenever you are joyous— He is weak to it all.

Jinwoo will do everything he can in order to protect and cherish that beautiful smile of yours

How are you this precious really? But either way, he wants you to be that joyous all the time.

He adores your sunshine personality, he loves it so much that even the thought of you while he does his work makes him grin stupidly. Look, Jinwoo is really whipped okay?

There’s no such thing as someone who is completely pure and without a taint of “Those Human Emotions”. He knows that, but when it’s you he forgets that. 

Please smile, please do so.

You dont know how much a single grin from you can relieve him of his burden as the world’s strongest hunter and as the shadow monarch. There is pressure in his shoulders even if he looks so casual and nonchalant most of the time. 

Even with just a short glance, he feels as if it is the gentle breeze of morning spring. 

Jinwoo will treat you so preciously. 

No matter how overly hyper you can get, no matter how fixated you can get and how wild you wave you hands around— Or or even shake and pace around!

He will gaze at you with a pair eyes that are just full of love. 

He can’t help it fr. Your energy can melt a thousand old year frozen lake and blossom it into a beautiful scenery of fresh spring. 

Yes, a lot of emphasis on spring.

What is it that you want? Do you love talking about sea animals? He’ll take you to the aquarium or if time is in favor he will take you out on a date to the open seas and fly around atop Kaisel. Do you love books? He will always pass by the bookstore to grab you books, he’s even  asking the cashiers for reccomendations. He would also be taking notes of genres you like and take a long time to pick just so he can make sure you will love that book. Oh, right, he will also be buying the limited edition versions of those books. Do you love to dress up? Wanna go shopping with him when he’s free? He’ll love it no matter what kind of aesthetic you love. Dark academia, streetwear, light academia, cottagore, lolita— Whatever it may be! Do you love art? What medium do you use? He’ll gift you those art materials in a cute boquet. Of course, he makes sure those art materials are safe for you to use! Unless of course you are a digital artist, no problem! He’ll buy you a huge pen tablet or maybe a 12.9 inch ipad. Who’s he kidding? He buys both!

Hm? What’s that? He’s speding too much? Heaven’s no! He has the money and therefore will put it to good use! And part of the good use is spoiling you to bits!

Okay, okay, materialisticness aside— Jinwoo loves to indulge in your warmth. The love that you spread with your presence, that precious sunlight you give out— He really...Really loves it. 

He isn’t a man of words. So he compensates by soft and romantic touches.

Jinwoo holds you gently but also firm enough to have you know that you are in his arms. He actually get’s scared sometimes, he fears that he might accidentally squeeze tight that he’ll crush your bones. Your existence— No matter the height difference between the both of you; He feels as though you are a tiny snowflake that will melt away because of his touch.

Because of the darkness that he embodies.

“How strong do you think I can get?” “You shadow is connected to the darkness. You will become as strong as your shadow’s depth in the dark.”

And we all know that depth is eternal.

He doesnt want to harm you in any way. If anything, he wants to use his capabilities to keep you and his family safe.

You? You’re so precious to him.

Words and actions cannot suffice.

He thinks he’s bad with both but for real, what he does is bayond the bare minimum.

A/N: I might fully come back to tumblr doing both artworks and headcanons<3

#sung jin woo #solo leveling x reader #sung jinwoo x reader #sung jinwoo headcanons

[convex-solos]

tell me felix just how fucked up scar and cub are in this au

Oh anon you are IN for a WILD RIDE here. I will mostly focus on their relationship with each other in order to highlight their key character traits.

I will start by mentioning that Convex’s relationship is full of nuance and is constantly evolving just like the characters themselves.

Some key elements to remember about the characters in order to understand their relationship is that Scar is characterized by a morbid need for attention and would do quite literally anything for the spotlight, while Cub is extremely prone to boredom and has to keep himself entertained in progressively more dangerous mind games and activities.

They both play 4D chess with each other. At the end of act I Scar’s crush for Cub completely escalates in a morbid attachment and downright obsession that will only get worse when Cub convinces Scar he is the only person he has left now.

Remember that Scar has just seen his face, the epitome of his beauty (which equals attention), tarnished forever, he has been humiliated by his defeat. Sure he could get plastic surgery to fix SOME of the damage, but it wouldnt be the same. His ego has been wounded too.

So Cub is there. He is the only person Scar talks to while he recovers and he makes sure to be the only “landmark” that Scar has left. So of course Scar’s obsession with Cub only gets stronger, but Scar knows this. He is aware that Cub is playing him but the thing is. He doesnt care AT ALL.

Cub is willing to give him a chance to be reborn, to forget about his failures and for once in his life take the stage for himself and do as his heart desires. He is enabling him, and that’s all that matters to Scar.

Cub is. Easily bored. He dropped out of med school after refusing to take the hippocratic oath and started a series of incredibly dubious medical practices that he managed to keep for himself, only to satisfy his own curiosity.

At some point he got bored so he decided to bring his attention to the human mind. That’s where Scar comes in. In the story Cub and Scar meet by chance in the middle of the night, they then exchange a few words about the clear luminous night sky above them.

That’s it. That’s all that happened… if it wasn’t for the fact that Cub had visible blood stains on his clothes and Scar didn’t even bat an eye. That intrigues Cub, so when Scar advertises that he’s looking for a roommate, Cub immediately takes his chance. Scar becomes his long term “project” and everything culminates to the end of the first act where Cub offers Scar the chance to work by his side. Perfect, right?

But their relationship is… extremely complicated to say the least. Cub doesn’t do “love”. He doesn’t feel that kind of attraction. Scar’s feelings aren’t love either, they’re more akin to obsession. Scar is extremely unpredictable and that drives Cub insane, but he has to admit he enjoys a challenge and Scar himself doesn’t mind at all how scarily controlling Cub is. He likes the attention :)

Cub promises Scar he will kill Grian when the time is right. You can imagine how ecstatic Scar is, he wants to destroy everything related to his “old life” in order to truly enjoy his new and better life.

When Grian takes Cub’s eye out at the end of the second act Cub’s priorities change. Now he wants to be the one to kill Grian for the sole reason she dared to actually impair him. LOL. Notice the parallels?

Things get worse when they get locked up in prison. Scar is always on edge and is extremely violent. He gets thrown into solitary confinement a couple of times. This is the point in the story where Scar realizes just how empty he is and is just a husk of his old self. He is TERRIFIED of being left alone with his thoughts.

Obsession can imply going through stages of deep hatred for the object of said obsession. So Scar does snap at Cub in this incredibly pressuring environment and it only gets worse when he learns Cub has no intention of letting him kill Grian. Cub doesn’t budge. Scar had the illusion of being finally free with Cub but it was just that. An illusion.

Scar’s mood swings from manic states to depressive episodes so he is extremely delicate to handle with, but Cub manages to keep him loyal to him, LOL! Because at the end of the day they truly only have each other. It’s too late to go back now.

Sometimes Scar scares Cub and they both know. Scar acts like he doesn’t know Cub’s tricks until he does. Their relationship is a constant push and pull, it’s a match made in hell and I wouldn’t have it any other way. <3

#masked chimes au #ask #long post #note that sometimed we throw realism out of the window #since this is mostly for fun

[the-s1lly-corner]

Uhm, would I be able to request Kinger with a (male preferably) reader who finds most bugs creepy/unsettling, but still tries to help him with his collection (finding new bugs, taking care of them when he's away, etc.)? Maybe they also doodle little bugs for him? 🥺👉👈

Idk feel free to ignore this haha!!

Anyway,, take care of yourself (eat smth, drink some water, maybe take a nap) and have a lovely day/night <3

Kinger x reader who doesnt like bugs!

Grrrgrr I might not draw today, actually, I'm feeling rather tired <\3 which sucks because I've only been awake for like 3 hours and I haven't gotten anything done yet

Oh hes so so so crushed when he finds out you dont share the same level of passion as him; and in fact, that you hold the opposite..!

He won't push or pressure you into sharing his interest, though...

Its actually a little sad seeing him start rambling about insects then stopping midway with a soft dismissal

I think that's what would be the kicker for you to try to conquer your fear

He appreciates your efforts, a lot actually! But he does make it clear that he doesnt want you doing something that will make you uncomfortable! Your mental health is important.. especially in a place like the digital circus

Well, its important regardless but

You know

Tries to identify the bugs in the drawings you give him! Like unless it's just a generic unidentifiable bug (think like, the kind of bugs we draw as kids. Oval body circle head with sticks for legs) then he'd just come up with a new species on the fly (actually this becomes a fun game between the two of you, making up your own critters)

Keeps every single drawing you've made for him, doesnt matter how many you give him or how old they get hes going to cherish them all

Doesnt offer to have you go on bug hunting stuff with him unless you ask (because again! He doesnt want to push you too hard to accept bugs!)

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #kinger imagine #kinger x you #kinger x reader

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi, you give good advice (DONT FEEL PRESSURED IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THIS IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO ME EITHER

so basically love...makes no sense to me? i think i'm probably on the ace spectrum bc im not sex repulsed im just indifferent to it but it's the actual romance part i dont get i've definitely had crushes before, but its hard for me to tell when i like someone ex. i get super excited and happy when my friends will text me, but apparently thats a crush thing? like people are always teasing that i like a guy bc i just...enjoy talking to him?? which is apparently not a thing??? (im a girl btw) and like...i definitely will think abt my friends a lot. like. overthink. its almost like my emotions are to the nth power bc the two crushes (ik, not a lot) ive had have been almost obsessive THAT SOUNDS CREEPY i swear im not a psycho but like its thinking abt them 24/7, everything is tied back to and abt them and with my friends - its how other people act with crushes idk if that even makes sense but thanks

<3

Hi! <3

It's totally fine, I don't feel pressured!

It's just...a really hard question, to be honest. First of all, I think it's totally normal to get excited to talk to a friend and think and overthink about friends.

So...I'm trying to think about the difference between romance and friendship (besides the fact that I, personally, am physical with the person I am romantic with.)

I think romance is...deeper? Like you just want to know everything about them. They make you laugh and giggle and you care so much about what they think and everything they do just makes you astounded. You want to make them happy all the time and you would to anything for them.

Also, it's important to address that love is different than infatuation. People who have crushes then to be a bit obsessive, but it can be more surface-level: usually based on like...looks and popularity. Love tends to be deeper. A connection.

Does any of that sound like how you feel?

People reading this, what do you think love is?

#ask #asks #ask cas #love

[seldomscilence16]

Voltron in "The Little Mermaid" Part 2!

Alright so I wanted to get 2/3 of it out in July cause ya know Julance, so it may be a little rushed but im having fun so thats nice. And this one comes with burnt out art! (By that I mean I gave up half way cause drawing is hard but its still cute.) Once again, thank you to @paracosm299 for being the backbone to this fanfic. And I hope everyone else likes it too! If I ever find a laptop that doesnt hate me and tumblr I'll link the three together. Until then, hopefully my tags might work for ya'll...

Also, if ya'll havent listened to the music from all three versions (cartoon, live action, broadway) youre missing out and they are referenced in this part. So minor spoilers for the Live Action! ("Shes in love" OBC is a bop I do so recommend it)

~~~~~~~~~

Lance sprawls across one of the many rocks, chest heaving as he tries to slow his heart rate. His eyes roam what he can see of his collection, that familiar ache hitting him hard.

He just didn't understand. 

Here, in the waters he's always known, he should feel a sense of home. And yet at every corner, he simply feels trapped, unable to even breathe without the threat of punishment for doing it 'wrong'. Instead of love and encouragement, he is crushed under rules, expectations, and this pressure to do something, but with no idea what that something is. He has a vague recollection of a woman, with deep brown eyes- the only real feature he can recall- saying so earnestly, it was almost prayer-like, that he was their future. 

He still couldn't fathom what she meant. Lance, the future? Should he somehow outlive the Emperor, Lance would be taken down immediately, by those vying for the Triton. Sendak may drill his lessons and expectations into him daily, but Lance doubted very much he'd ever actually hold any power. The only future Lance can see, is either forever a decoration to the Emperor, or a trophy given to another. The very thought makes him shudder, but it's a reality he's long since acknowledged. 

Lance was no future. Lance was not free to be a future. Lance was simply... a dressed up prisoner. 

For every gadget, gizmo, whosit, whatsit, and thingamabob Lance found, for every glimpse of wonder, a longing grew. He wanted more than this, he wanted...

To be where the people are. To see them dance, to walk around on those... those... feet! To run along streets, to stay all day under the sun's warm rays, wandering free... was it so much to wish to be up there with them? He hasn't much to give, but he wonders idly, if he were offered a chance, would he give what was asked in return readily? To live out of these waters, for even just a day to spend warm on the sandy beaches. 

Coran has since crawled from his own little crevice, watching him with worried eyes,

"I bet you up there, they understand, that they don't reprimand your every move, that they see you for who you are. Im... I'm sick of swimming with an anchor strapped to my fin. I want to stand, free... is that so much to ask Coran?" 

"No child, to be free is not something that you should have to pay for." And the emotion in the man's voice has tears of his own burning in Lance's eyes. 

"I want to know everything, ask them my questions and get some real answers. Like, whats a fire and why does it, what's that word?? Burn! When will I be allowed to do something for me?" Lance swims through his treasures, towards the small hole at the top, reaching towards the surface he's forbidden from breaching, "I'd love to explore that world up above... out of the sea, I just... I wish I could be a part of a different world... I know that makes me terrible, but... I'm so tired..."

Lance stares at the barest glimpse of the moon before it's covered, casting a shadow that's dispersed by bursts of colored light. 

"What in the Seas?" 

"Wait, Lance my boy, it's not safe up there, not tonight!" 

But Lance ignores the octopus, for probably the first time, making his way towards the surface before he can stop himself, breaching it fully for the first time. Loud popping sounds assault his ears, and debris splashes around him, before him a little ways, is a large ship with joyous music playing. Lance looks around, maybe for a sign to turn back, but finds none, something almost seems to be... pulling him, calling him, towards the Ship. He navigates past the debris, until he comes to the side of the ship where smaller ones hang. It takes him a moment to pull himself up and into it, arms straining as he tries to remain quiet. 

There's a small gap that allows him to see the occupants, and a smile graces his face as he watches them dance. They throw each other around and slam their feet, and play instruments and drink. And just when Lance thinks it can't get any better, they start to sing. 

It wasn't as melodic as the songs of his people, or as hypnotic or power filled as the royal siren songs. And yet, Lance couldn't look away. To think that just as his people feared and hated humans, Humans too, feared his people. They were so different, but at the same time, not so different at all. 

One of the humans, seemingly younger than the rest, was on the edge of their celebration. The bright- and loud- lights in the air illuminated his face, eyes shining just so, like where water and sky meet. He's pulled aside by a taller man, who has a scar over his nose and a tuft of white hair laying on his forehead. They come close enough for their voices to drift to Lance's position, and he ducks away from the opening until only his eye is seen. 

"Keith, you know we have to go back." The taller one says, sounding apologetic. 

"Shiro it's my birthday, please let me have this one day not to think about that place." The shorter one- Keith- responds. 

"You know Kolivan will be coming over to lecture you soon. The late King-" 

"Wanted me to be trapped inside the castle for the rest of my life, isolated on our island home, never to do anything new because he had some crazy notion that that would keep us safe." He sighs, leaning heavily on the railing and staring off into the distance, the furry creature lays at his feet, staring at Lance curiously. He buries a hand in his fur with a smile. "I feel like the ocean is calling to me Shiro, I'm not afraid of it, I want to explore." 

Lance feels a sort of resonation, like he's looking in the mirror once again instead of at a human. Someone who sees a future, and is ready to make it himself...

A crack of lightning lights up the sky, violent and sudden as the ocean rises up and crashes against the ship. 

"Storms coming in fast! On your toes!" 

Lance jumps into the waves before he can hear more, he needed to leave, there was no telling if this was Posiedon or Sendak-

"Keith!" 

Lance's eyes flash back to the ship, to Keith holding the fluffy creature and throwing him as the ship is alight and collapsing. Lance curses in his head, diving below again to help, guiding him to the calls of the people in the little ships. When he comes up again, he sees no sign of Keith and a panic he can't describe grips his heart. 

He dives again, dodging wreckage as the ship sinks, swimming through the harsh currents in search for a splotch of red. His distress rises with each moment, movements quick and jerky, until finally, finally, he sees it. Unmoving except for his slow descent, arms raised like even in unconsciousness he's reaching for something. As Lance draws closer he sees the cut along his jaw, the ripped clothing, smaller injuries, and he's sure bruising will form. 

Hooking his arms under Keith's own Lance drags him to the surface. It's an effort to keep the human's head above the waves as the storm rages on, but Lance wont let him drown, not while he can do something about it. He heads inland, praying to any God that will listen, that the human survives. 

Even if it means his own demise when he returns to Atlantica. 

...

The sand is dry and coarse, but warm under the morning sun's rays, as he tugs the waterlogged human far enough from the lapping waves. His hand shakes as it hovers over the still form, the cut on his cheek still leaks blood, his pale skin taking on a sickly pallor, before he can really think twice, his voice rises from somewhere deep. A careful melody fills the air around them, a glow encompassing his own form as he finally places his hand to Keiths chest. 

It takes longer than he'd like for color to return to his cheeks, one now marred with a scabbing scar. A groan leaves his lips and Lance's relief is palpable, despite the exhaustion that settles into his very bones. He wants nothing more than to lay here, but he knows better. Shouts reach his ears, and with a reluctance he cant place, he returns to the sea, hiding behind a rock a ways off. 

He watches as a group of humans surround Keith, who seems at least semi-coherent now, watches as they make off towards their own settlements. 

"I don't know what this feeling is. I don't even know how I know, but... something changed. I've found the world I want to be a part of..." 

Lance watches until they've vanished from view, a pull stronger than ever before, calling him towards a human with inky hair and deep eyes, to a future he'd never thought of. 

If he lived past sunset that is. 

...

Allura practically falls on his head, Coran wrapped around his arm only a second behind. 

"Lonce! Where have you been!?" Allura is scanning his face, claws hovering, "Coran told me about the… thing… and then there was a storm and you were gone! We've been worried sick!" 

"Im sorry, I just-"

"Don't even think about lying to me Lonce!" 

Lance swears shes on the verge of tears, and he lets out a reluctant sigh,

"I…" he rubs his free hand over the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact, "Rescued a human…" he mumbles.

"You did WHAT!?" 

"No one saw me!" Lance is quick to defend, admittedly a little petulant. 

"Shhhh!!! Sendak can not know about this!" Allura looks around in a panic, her voice hushed.

"Know about what?" A new voice asks from behind, nearly scaring Lance right out of his scales. 

Flipping around Lance sees someone he hadn't in several years,

"Rachel?? What are you doing here? I thought you all weren't allowed at the gatherings anymore!" They clasp arms, exchanging smiles.

"Well, he wants info on our territory then someone has to come." Her grin turns sly, and Lance thinks there's more to what she says, but then again, it always seems like there's more when it comes to them. "So what's this I hear we aren't telling?" 

"Nothing. Seriously guys, I'm already gonna get a lecture from Se- my father, I really don't need this right now." 

He sees a bunch of Mers heading towards the reefs, decides that's a good way to delay the inevitable, and follows. Though of course he has company cause they dont give up that easily. And to continue his declining luck, four more mers to add to his growing entourage. 

"Wow, look how big you've gotten!!" Lisa exclaims, looking close to pinching his cheeks like a Grandma- though Lance only knew this through observation of their pod.

"Lance has a secret!" Rachel blabs, leaning over his shoulder with far more excitement than necessary. 

He groans, pushing her away as he joins the other mers in cleaning up the reef, a twinge of guilt in his gut despite the cause of the storm being from someone else's power. 

"Oh, what, does Grumpy blob have a crush or something?" Marco teases, elbowing Luis beside him. 

Lance grumbles as he fumbles with the debris hes moving, internally cursing himself at the gasps around him. 

"So! You're acting fishy because you're up to your gills in love!" Rachel swoons backwards into Marcos waiting arms. 

"Oh Dios Mios." Lance would love for a cavern to open up, right now, beneath him, please. 

The only Mers who don't treat him like Sendak's property and he wants to throttle them. 

"I see it now!" Luis exclaims, never one to miss out on a tease, the traitor, "he's dizzy, dreamy, head up in the foam! His eyes have got a gleam in them, like there's no one home." 

"Someone get this boy a coastal shelf to mope on!" Lisa instigates, laughter in her eyes. 

"He's moody as a snapper! As sure as a dogfish bites, someone’s made him lose his head!" Marcos' grin is as lopsided as he is, floating above Lance's head, he shoves him away, wondering if he should just retreat. 

"Seriously guys flip off, it's not gonna happen." Lance heaves a larger piece off the side as gently as he can, frowning at the coral beneath, it would take a lot of song and time for these poor things to come back. 

"Come on tell us who the deep-sea hunk is!" Rachel leers at him, eyebrows dancing, behind her Lance glimpses Coran and Allura, one has a look of concern, the other… well Lance can't quite identify Alluras look. 

"There's no deep sea hunk." Lance turns away, seriously debating finding that shark again.

There's a long pause, but Lances hope of them giving up is crushed when Veronicas panicked voice breaks the silence,

"Oh no. Please, please no. Lance please tell me you didn't go and," She cuts herself off, looking around frantically before coming in closer with a low hiss of, "seduce a human?" 

Lance gives an indignant squawk,

"I did not, seduce, anyone!" 

"But there is a human??? Lance, what are you thinking? Liking human stuff is one thing, but this- Lance what are you thinking??" With hands on his shoulders to hold him still, Veronica levels him with a desperate look. 

"Ronis right Lance, the human world is no place for us." Luis, like everyone else, has taken on a serious face. 

And those expectations are back. Those heavy looks, so much weight pressing into his chest, and yet no clue what it is they want from him. What it is they think he needs to do. 'Youre the future, Lance.' 

"I don't know what it is you think is up there Lance, but just take a look around you! Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there." Lisa takes on a lighter tone. 

Lance knows what's coming, knows because he's been told before, has tried to convince himself, but something always comes to remind him why he wants to escape. 

"I mean seriously, what more are you lookin for? Up there they work all day-'' Lance pointedly looks at the debris he's clearing and Marco is quick to continue, "they're slaving away under the sun's hot rays. While we get to float around down here all the time, nice and cool."

Lance wonders what they do in their territory, for all of Lance's collection, it's taken him years of little moments of free time to gather stuff, and honestly half of it was Coran and Romelle gifting him stuff. 

"And you know what they do to fish on land, they're either in a bowl or," Rachel runs a finger along her throat with a harsh click sound, "on the plate. Just imagine what they'd do to us!" 

"Not to mention, they can't possibly beat our rhythm." Luis sports a confident smile, but Lance remembers the song he'd heard on that ship. 

As if on cue however, the reef comes alive with song. Healing waves of energy that quickly distracts the mers before him, and Lance takes his chance and bolts with them none the wiser. 

He heads towards his grotto, needing some peace and quiet before his inevitable summons. He liked the McClain pod, they'd been around as long as he can remember, but they always left him feeling like he was missing something. Not that they weren't missing some major parts to his story too, but Lance didn't want them to know either. 

He enters his grotto with a tired sigh, running on no sleep and brain still too busy and anxious for it to come anytime soon. He takes in his collection, hoping for some comfort or peace of any kind. Anything to stave off what's to come-

"So you've finally returned."

Lance flips around fast enough to make his head spin, there looming in the shadows of the entrance, Triton now glowing with power,

"My. son." 

…

Keith stalks through the halls of the palace, determined to find a ship, or a carriage, something so he can search himself. To find the boy who saved him, the one whose song rings in his head, the one who risked their own life to get him home alive. 

"You aren't supposed to be out of bed yet." 

He turns to see his mother, standing tall and regal, like the Queen she is, in the doorway to the dining hall. She eyes him, the bandage on his head, the scaring mark on his jaw, the unsteady walk of a sailor on land- and a waterlogged man who should probably be resting, maybe.

"I don't need rest, I'm fine." Keith wants to leave it at that, but of course,

"Join me for breakfast." She turns without his answer, not that he could turn her down. 

They sit, eating quietly, but Keith is tense. He knows she wants to say more, but she takes her time, figuring out exactly what she wants to get across. After so many years away, only to return after news of her husband's passing, the two knew very little of interacting with each other. It was Kolivan and Shiro that kept them from having a bigger rift than they did. 

"I don't want you going out there again. You need to be here, preparing for the throne." 

Keith takes a breath, before he'll say something he'll regret,

"The boy who saved my life is out there. I'm going to find him-"

"Keith-"

Keith stands, chair falling behind him,

"I don't want to be king. I never have. I belong on the water-"

She slams her hands on the table, silencing filling the room,

"You are grounded. There will be no sailing, you will stay here and heal." 

He stares at her, the woman who never cared to stay, who left his father to raise him. The woman who knew next to nothing of him, who wanted to trap him to this existence of walls and nothingness. He turns and storms out of the room, heading for the cliffs, anything to get away.  

All he'd ever wanted, as a boy born on a ship but raised on an isolated island, was the open sea and sky, freedom that seemed so far from his reach. He was only able to grasp some semblance of happiness sailing on excursions to learn and trade, his brother- in all that mattered- right beside him. 

And now, his soul tugs again, towards something- not quite new- but foreign in a way he'd never thought of. He's haunted, thinking only of a blurry memory of someone leaning over him, more of a feeling really, and a song he sings. A song  that takes him, to places beyond his wildest dreams, to uncharted waters miles beyond the seas he knows. 

Keith had been sure he was darkness bound, destined to drown at sea and never return home. Then, miraculously, he’s saved, pulled above the stormy seas and all the way to land, before being left alone, to stand on the shoreline while his mind remains lost at sea. He wishes only for him to be found again, so he can stop wondering about who he is, where he’ll be next, and to hear his song from the source rather than this echoing in his head. Someone somehow stronger than the undertow, yet able to glow silhouetted by the rising sun, to return him to land in only a night's time. 

He won’t be able to get over this mystery, something- someone- so intriguing, there was no way he’d give up before it was solved. Somewhere, beyond where man can see, with eyes that outshine the horizon line, where they can face the unknown side by side. Whether on the shoreline where he was left, or where no compass or map can guide him, Keith would find this mystery boy, no one would stop him. It’d be easier, he’s sure, for this boy to find him once again, right where he was left, but good things aren’t always easy are they?

Throw whatever you have at me, wild uncharted waters, he’d face it all.

<<Prev next>>

#voltron #langst #au #little mermaid au #found family #mermaid lance #prince keith #part 2 #my voltron little mermaid au #angst #still not mentioned #but #heterocromia lance #takashi shirogane #krolia #kolivan #allura #coran coran the gorgeous man #McClain family #sendak #my writing #my art #fic

[xatsperesso]

I love Ameri. I really do. she is a very interesting and funny character. I loved her developpement.

But i wonder if her relation with Iruma is really heathly.

I have the impression that she force things. Because he barely realize that it's date things. He blushes when she hugs him but that doesn't especially mean that he's in love with her, more that he confused by his feelings. A girl that he likes hugged him after have danced with him, of course he's confused.

She panicks for the most little thing, lie when Gyari says "i'm going to marry both kuromu and you", she is like "it's not truth, iruma, right?" like...why do you ask girl? that's obvious that that's not real. Gyari is flirting with girls since the beginning of the festival :/

She is jealous of Chima. It's kinda...bad to be jealous of a child. Chima is clearly younger than 14. She was also jealous of Azz and Clara.

She acts a little like if Iruma was already her boyfriend...i think that it's kinda unfair to invite Iruma at what is clearly a DATE while hiding from him that that's a date. when she invites him to the restaurant, she ask the waiter to not tell Iruma the meaning of a thing who seems be a couple thing. From Iruma's side, he thinks that she just invited him to eat delicious food.

And if the spoilers of chapter 285 are true (the chapter was in chinese so i didn't understand), she kinda force him to come with her to the deviculum, without asking if he can or if he has already something planned. Especially that she knows that he can't say no. Iruma was like :O and has not really answered. Meaning that he still confused about his feelings and all.

Again, I love Ameri, but i have the feeling that she take a little too much advantage of Iruma's inability to say no and that she forces her feelings on him. Especially that I think that, with all the traumas that he has, he's not ready for that. of course she doesn't know about all his trauma but i really think that iruma shouldn't feel pressured.

Also i have a very bad feeling about this deviculum anyway :/

I actually didn't like ameri. How she acted around iruma made me cringe so much

until someone has kindly pointed out to me that this is her first time having a crush on someone!

I was like of course! That's why she blushes and stutters and doesnt act like the confident ambitious ameri she is.

She doesn’t know what to do with these feelings! She doesn't know how to act around someone she likes! And her only source of information is a shoujo manga!

Now does this information makes me root for her? No. I feel like them being siblings would be cuter

Anyways

I also don't think how she acts about iruma is right. She shouldn't be jealous or question, because until she and iruma become a thing she has no right to act like that

Also why is she jealous? It's not like iruma is with anyone. she is literally free to hang out with him whenever she wants as long as iruma is comfortable with it

And about the latest chapter I haven't seen it yet, so I don't think I should comment on it until i can read it ^^'

#this feels very scattered #but i dont know how to make it sound better #mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #iruma kun #iruma kun spoilers #mairimashita manga #mairimashita iruma kun #m!ik spoilers #azazel ameri

[artificialqueens]

🏳️‍🌈 The Miracle of Living Pt.2 - Lita

In this world we're just beginning To understand the miracle of living

Lmao I had you in the first half, this is not just a cutesy slice of life family AU and actually gets fucking awful and tragic from here on out, you have been warned. This was originally meant to be a single story but I decided to chunk it into two halves just so it's not unreadably long, which means ALL the suffering gets to be consigned into whatever this is. Anyway, see other part for author notes and shit, apologies in advance xo

Summary: Adore is an adult now, and life is simpler for Bianca. Until an unexpected tragedy shatters her world, and her relationship with her daughter. 

TW: Major character deaths, parental loss, accidental overdose, suicidal thoughts

[1] NEW MESSAGE Ben Putnam ✨🏳️‍🌈 12/9/46 19:08  jinkx is about to call you freaking tf out - don’t listen to them, im basically fine. got into an accident driving home, i look kinda banged up and i think my shoulders dislocated but nothing serious. pls call adore and tell her - if she says shes gonna ditch her concert or anything like that dont let her, she doesnt need to worry. if ur not busy and feel like coming to see me id like that (and i think jinkx could use some moral support lol, theyre taking this harder than i am) but don’t let j convince u that im on my deathbed. love ya, bitch! b xoxo

*****

November 12th, 2046

“Bea…”

Jinkx stands up as Bianca enters the waiting room. Their voice is cloying - too sickly. Too sympathetic.  

Of all of Ben’s various partners since the divorce, Jinkx was definitely Bianca’s favorite. Bianca had been Ben’s maid of honor (or ‘cunt of dishonor’ as he’d affectionately christened her) at their wedding last spring. Jinkx is kind, sensitive - their eccentricities line up perfectly with Ben’s, they’re a good step-parent to Adore, as resistant as she’d been to having a step-parent. However, Jinkx under pressure is prone to amateur dramatics - Ben’s text prediction regarding the nature of their impending phone call had been totally spot-on. 

So Bianca is surprised to see that they look drained - not sad. Not scared. Just tired - their shock of red hair disheveled, eyes puffy and face moist with half-dried tears. Bianca grips the strap of her purse a little tighter. She hadn’t expected this. They had been all catastrophe and hysterics on the phone - sobbing like their life depended on it. Why are they so calm? 

Per Ben’s instructions, Bianca hadn’t dropped everything to go to him. She’d been working late, supervising a bunch of bored, annoyed teenagers doing stocktake - she hadn’t exactly bided her time, heading straight for the hospital as soon as she’d clocked out, but she also hadn’t exactly rushed. 

Two lanes of the freeway were closed because of a car wreck. She figured it wouldn’t be the same one - it couldn’t have been that bad if Ben was awake, coherent, and texting her. As the backed-up traffic crawled past the remains of the scene at five miles an hour, she’d tried not to look. She knew she shouldn’t have looked. But she looked anyway - she’d caught sight of the remnants of Ben’s car at the front of a pile-up, crushed from behind by a smoldering pickup truck, and felt the sting of vomit rising up at the back of her throat. The driver’s side door looked intact. That was something. Ben was fine. Ben had told her himself that he was fine. So Ben was fucking fine. 

On the drive to the ER, Bianca called Adore - anxiety twisting below her ribcage, visions of shattering glass and crumpling metal scorching into her eyelids every time she blinked, desperate for a distraction. The phone had been picked up by her weirdo manager, Winona or Wilma or whatever her name was, who’d decided that a call from her mom, regardless of the matter at hand, wasn’t important enough to bother Adore with before a gig, and had hung up. 

And now she’s been taken into a side room that feels like a fucking morgue, and Jinkx is acting so calm and kind that it’s nauseating. This feels weird. There’s a bible on the table in the middle of the room. What the fuck is happening? 

Jinkx reaches out, and pulls Bianca into an oppressively tight hug. Bianca squirms, determined to extricate herself from the stifling embrace and start asking questions. She’s never known Jinkx to act anything but weird, but this was bizarre even by their standards. When they break away, Jinkx takes Bianca’s hand. It sets her teeth on edge. 

“Jinkx, what’s going on?” Bianca’s voice comes out sterner than she would have liked. 

“Did you call Adore?”

What kind of fucking response is that?

“I tried. Her manager picked up - she’s at a gig, I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” 

“I really think you should try and talk to her now.” 

Bianca really doesn’t like Jinkx’s tone. She also doesn’t know what to do with herself. She figured she was here as emotional support for Jinkx, who seems fine if a bit off-kilter and cryptic - or as a proxy for Adore, who was performing and/or wasted in Austin, enjoying the sudden and somewhat random success of her previously struggling music career. 

“Jinkx, where’s Ben? What happened?”

Jinkx grimaces. They try to convince her to sit down - urging her towards a ugly upholstered chair with their lips pursed. Bianca doesn’t move. 

“Jinkx.” Bianca repeats herself more insistently, folding her arms. Jinkx sits down, clenching their jaw and breathing shakily. “Where the fuck is Ben? I need to see him." 

“…he died, Bea.”

Bianca’s blood turns to ice in her veins. She takes a sharp breath in. 

“What do you mean he died?” Bianca’s voice is thin. Jinkx doesn’t say anything. “He texted me - he was fine like, an hour ago.” Jinkx stays silent. Bianca feels like she’s going to throw up. Why won’t they say anything?  “He’s- Jinkx, what do you mean he fucking died?”

“They thought he was fine,” Jinkx sniffs. “There were other people from the wreck who were hurt worse than he was - he kept saying he was okay so the doctors would focus on them, and then he coded out of nowhere. I think they said he was bleeding in his abdomen or something - nobody realized until it was too late. He was sitting up and talking to me, then he…” Jinkx stops, swallowing hard. Their eyes have welled up. 

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have tried to get here faster.” Bianca’s knees are shaking. She can’t move - can’t admit to the failure of her emotions. Frightening and all-consuming as they are. She’s still wearing her work lanyard, and it feels utterly stupid. Why hadn’t she just fucking left? Why had locking up a goddamn store she could burn to the ground without losing sleep been more important than this? Than Ben? 

“I didn’t know how to.” Jinkx won't make eye contact with her. “I couldn’t tell you over the phone - it didn’t feel right.” 

Bianca sits down before she collapses. Her hands are shaking. Her throat hurts like she needs to cry, but there are no tears. She isn’t crying, and she won’t - not until it’s essential. 

“But you were- you shouldn’t have waited all this time on your own. I would have been here sooner.” Bianca is barely able to talk. “I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t even know what she’s talking for - trying to fill the awful, empty air with some sort of noise, even if it is wilted platitudes. She’s horribly aware of her own breathing; how hard it is, how much effort it’s taking, how it feels like she’s choking. It’s like she’s drowning in the air and the silence - like a goldfish dropped out of the bowl. 

Jinkx puts an arm around her shoulders. There are tears rolling down their cheeks. 

“I really think you should call Adore again.” 

Adore. Adore didn’t get to say goodbye - Adore didn’t fucking know. That was her fucking dad, and she loved him, and she’d never-

Bianca stops. Something in her brain ticks. A somber conversation at the kitchen table. 

“His, uh- his advanced directive. San Juni-whatever -  Cookie heaven-“ Bianca blurts out, ejecting the words as soon as they appear in her head. The comfort feels cold, but it’s comfort nevertheless. 

She looks at Jinkx. Their face has crumpled. They’re shaking their head. No. 

“They tried - it all happened too quickly, it didn’t work. He was gone before they could…” Jinkx bites their lip. “I’m sorry - I know how much it means- meant to him, I know he wanted…”  

Bianca shakes her head, trying to get Jinkx to stop talking. It isn’t fair - they’ve just lost their husband, and yet it’s them trying to comfort her?  

“It’s okay.” 

It’s not. But Jinkx rests their head on Bianca’s shoulder anyway, and Bianca takes their hand, even though she feels like she’s only making everything worse. What warmth is she capable of? Her presence isn’t doing anything besides forcing Jinkx to stir up their own raw emotions, and reminding them both of the cavernous space between them that Ben’s daughter should be filling. 

Bianca fumbles her phone out of her purse with her shaking hands as Jinkx cries a wet patch into her collar. She needs to call Adore.  

*****

November 24th, 2046

The silence in the kitchen is uncomfortable. Neither Adore nor Bianca knows how to fill it. Ben’s funeral was yesterday morning. Bianca doesn’t know if Adore is okay, but she doesn’t know what to say to her either. She hasn’t seen her cry yet. 

She’s exhausted. The last couple of weeks have been a terrible, sleepless headfuck. All of the funeral planning and formality had fallen into Bianca’s lap - Jinkx had been too distraught to try and think about it, and she couldn’t ask Adore. It was the only real help she’d been able to offer; if there’s one thing that Bianca knows for a fucking fact, it’s that she’s awful at providing comfort. But as usual, she’d taken too much on, and she hadn’t had time to process what had happened - time to grieve, or even just to fucking take a breath and figure out where her own head was at. 

Bianca feels hollow. And Adore won’t speak to her. She’s sitting at the dinner table, with her bright blue hair piled on top of her head in a sloppy ponytail, wearing some tattered band shirt that doesn’t really fit her, and she seems…fine. She’s been home since Ben died, but they’ve been floating around the empty house on two completely different planets; barely making eye contact with each other, let alone talking. There’s a mug of coffee turning cold in Bianca’s hand, and her daughter won’t meet her gaze. 

Adore fidgets with the hair-tie around her wrist. She looks nervous. 

“Listen, Mom-”

“Are you okay?” Bianca blurts out, and then cringes - Adore looks at her with frustration in her glazed-over eyes. 

“I need to tell you something.”

“What’s up?” Bianca tries to inject some warmth into her voice. 

“I know I said I’d stay for a little longer, but I’m…”

Oh god. Bianca already doesn’t like where this is going. She clenches her teeth, trying to contain the stupid, defeated little whimper she can feel rising into the back of her throat.

“I got a call from my manager this morning. My new single drops in a week, and there’s- this big-deal band wants me to open for them on their tour. It’s two months on the road, and I know that I shouldn’t- I mean, it’s a huge opportunity, and the money is really fucking good, and I’m…” Adore’s words are stilted and awkward. 

Bianca takes a second to compose herself. 

“When would you be leaving?” Bianca eventually says. It’s the most neutral question she can think of, and her words come out flat and unbothered. She can’t say what she really wants to - can’t beg her to stay, can’t argue back. Can’t take this from her. 

“Day after tomorrow,” Adore says to the floor, still wringing her hands awkwardly. 

“And why do you sound like you’re asking for permission to go?" 

“Because- I don’t know.” Adore says, equally lacking in emotion. It’s felt for the last couple of weeks like she and Bianca have just been going through the motions of their relationship without any feeling. “I mean- fuck, you’re my mom. And everything is just- I can’t leave you right now. If you said no, then I can’t...” 

“Why do I have to say no?” Bianca tilts her head. Her neck is stiff from the sleepless nights. 

“Because I don’t want to.”

That answer frustrates Bianca, and she can tell from Adore’s body language that she knows it. Adore picks at a loose thread on her shirt - she’s never been able to sit still. Bianca pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I’m not gonna be the bad guy, Dorey - even if you want me to. We’re talking about your career here - not doing it would be fucking stupid,” Bianca says, toneless and insincere again. She pauses. “Do they know that your dad just died?” 

“…No,” Adore grimaces. The first small twinge of emotion flashes across her face for a second, and then it’s gone. “They might give it to someone else. They’ll think I’m gonna be unstable or unreliable or something.”  

“Are you?”

“Maybe,” Adore purses her lips. “It’s kinda still not real. Maybe it’ll stay like that if I’m distracted.”

“And maybe it’ll get real when you’re on the road - you need to think about yourself.”

Adore murmurs something unintelligible by way of response, shakily trying to affirm that she can do it. Bianca stares into her coffee cup. They seem to have reached some level of nonverbal understanding that they’re not gonna talk about this any more. Adore is leaving tomorrow, and Bianca better make peace with that. 

“You’re not mad about me leaving you by yourself, are you?” Adore’s meek voice cuts through the icy reticence. 

“What? No - I’m a big girl, I’ll survive,” Bianca shrugs her shoulders. Why does Adore default to the assumption that she’s always mad? Why does she have to be the villain all the goddamn time? Can’t she just be upset? 

“But like…do you have friends?" 

“Yes, I have fucking friends, Adore.”

And then she thinks about it. Her family doesn’t give a shit, and Raja had broken things off with her a couple of weeks before Ben dropped dead out of fucking nowhere - and yeah, maybe she’s close enough with a couple of people from work that she’d be able to talk to them, but the thought makes her squirm.

She’d not so much asked Adore to stick around for a couple of weeks after the funeral as she had begged her to. The loneliness is choking her, and her daughter is the only person she can face - because they never really talked about their feelings, and even this wasn’t enough to make them start. She just needed someone to be quietly sad alongside. The more that she thinks about it, the more she realizes that the only person she wants to talk to about the pain inflicted by Ben’s death is Ben himself. 

Which she should be able to do. She’s grown more attached to the San Junipero concept than she ever wanted to be. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she’d gotten comfortable with the two of them never having to live without each other. Except that didn't work, and now he’s gone. Forever. 

Bianca had friends. A friend. She’d never needed anyone else, and so she’d never bothered trying to find them. She hadn’t planned for an eventuality in which he’d be dead by forty-six. 

Bianca is crying. Horrible, huge, ugly floods of tears. Adore looks nervous - like she doesn’t know what to do with herself. This isn’t fair. She can’t make Adore deal with her like this. But she can’t stop. Twelve days of awful emotional blockage are clearing themselves all at once, and Bianca’s face is soaking wet and there’s snot running down her chin, and she feels about as disgusting as she probably looks. Adore’s chair scrapes the tiled floor, and she’s standing behind Bianca - wrapping her arms around her, resting her sharp chin on Bianca’s shoulder. 

Adore’s body is starting to heave against hers, and as Bianca tries to blink through some of the blur to her vision and catch her trembling breath, she realizes Adore is crying too. Is this progress? 

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, baby.” Bianca takes one of Adore’s hands in hers, running a thumb across her tattooed knuckles. “It’s okay - it’s okay to be sad.”

“I’m not sad.” Adore’s voice is thin. “And I have to go. I don’t want to be here. I can’t be here without him.”

Adore mutters the admission like it’s blasphemy, and Bianca doesn’t like it, but she knows. Ben’s ghost lingers in every brick and board and fiber of this house. It hurts - that she isn’t capable of being what Adore needs right now. But she understands. 

*****

June 7th, 2047

“Don’t fucking put that on me - don’t screw up my childhood and then keep making me miserable as a fucking adult, it’s not fair-" 

“Ob, cry me a fucking river - you had a great childhood!”

“Did I? Getting dragged up by some fucking idiot who didn’t know what she was doing-" 

“I was a fucking kid, Adore - I was trying my fucking best-” 

It’s dark outside. Bianca feels like shit. She wishes Adore hadn’t left. 

She hasn’t been able to sleep without sedatives since Ben died, and she hates it. She also doesn’t know why - she wasn’t there. It didn’t happen to her. It’s not her tragedy. She fishes the blister pack of xanax out of her purse and swallows one with the tail end of her glass of wine. Sleep. She needs sleep. She needs this shitty, awful, horrible day to be over. Maybe when she wakes up, Adore will be over her tantrum. 

She drops the pills on the kitchen counter. The last dregs of the wine are eyeing her up through the bottle. Bianca hesitates for a moment, refills her glass, and swiftly empties it down her throat. 

She walks through the empty living room, put off by the silence. It’s too quiet in this house. She wishes she hadn’t kept it. Ben deserved it more - he had a partner, and a good life, and hope for the future. Not the pathetic remains of half a dozen short-lived, shitty relationships, and a dead-end job. Adore loved him - she clearly can’t fucking stand Bianca. There would still be life in these walls if he’d taken it, and Bianca had hiked all her stupid clothes and coffee table books and vanity and venom to a crappy bachelor apartment.

It was Ben’s fucking house - it was his career that had paid for it. Bianca felt sick enough with guilt and frustration that he’d insisted she stayed and he left, and then kept ‘forgetting’ to cancel the mortgage auto-payments when he was still alive - just like he kept ‘forgetting’ to stop making her car payments, or kept sending her cheques from some ‘investment account’ they’d apparently set up years ago that she had no memory of. She’d stolen a better quality of life than she was owed from a guy that she was tethered to based on one night of bad decisions when they were in their twenties. It would have been easier on her conscience if Ben had resented her for it. But he didn’t. He’d looked out for her and loved her right up until the ugly end and she didn’t deserve any of it. 

If Ben had stayed here, he would have had to drive a different route to work. That’s why they bought the house - it was close to his job. Maybe he’d still be alive. Maybe it would have been her that died after a rush hour car wreck, of an internal hemorrhage that every medical professional in the vicinity was too busy and too stupid to notice. Maybe things would be better that way. 

The house is too quiet, and there’s too much space - Bianca traipses up the stairs, her fingers brushing over the lingering texture of Adore’s childhood crayon-on-wall scribbles, long since painted over. 

The wine is making her feel worse. She’s angry - hurt, frustrated, upset. But not with Adore. With herself for making her this way. 

Ben was warm, Ben was supportive. Ben could never see a single fault in her - not like Bianca. Bianca was the Bad Cop; the enforcer, the prison warden. Bianca nagged Adore about her homework and her curfew and her room being a mess - Bianca questioned her judgment, Bianca shat on her fashion choices. Bianca tried her best to make sure the kid didn’t turn out like she had. And she’d done it - Adore was successful, she was living a life she could look back on and be proud of. So, no fucking wonder Adore’s ideal future was one that didn’t have Bianca in it.  

“Bull-fucking-shit. You weren’t a kid, you were in your twenties-“ 

“I was two years younger than you are, you think you’d be great at raising a child now? Forget about finding out you’re pregnant when you were twenty-one and having to give up everything you’ve ever wanted in life for-“

“Nobody asked you to do that.”  

“No, they didn’t - but I had to do what was fucking best for you. Fuck my dreams, fuck what I wanted. You think anybody is working in a goddamn Urban Outfitters age forty-fucking-seven because they want to be?”

“I’ve been out of your house for five years, you’ve had time. Go live your dreams, since I’m not a fucking burden on you any more-“

“You’re not fucking getting it - the ‘living my dreams’ ship has sailed, since I had to drop out of fucking college for you. I had to put my life on hold indefinitely for you, and so did your father, so stop being such an ungrateful little shit-“

Bianca keeps replaying the fight in her head. Tonight had started well. Adore was back in town between tour dates and album sessions - not for Bianca. To see friends, and to meet with some record execs that Bianca was too uncool to know the names of. But when Bianca had asked if she had a free night, Adore had humored her. They’d ordered pizza, bought a couple bottles of wine, and for a moment, things felt the way they used to. Bianca was happy, for a fleeting second. 

Adore had been her best friend until she was thirteen. Then some awful melting pot of Adore’s pubescent bitch tendencies and Bianca’s stubbornness and short fuse had kicked off a bizarre ongoing war between the two of them that only seemed to mellow out once Adore left home and they weren’t constantly in each other’s way. It was normal teenager shit - Bianca remembered things being the same way between herself and her mother when she was in junior high. Her mother that she doesn’t fucking speak to any more. 

Bianca loves Adore so much that it’s physically painful, and she felt like a monster the entire time they were at odds. But she didn’t know how to stop it - she didn’t know how to be whatever Adore seemed to need from her. 

Not that there hadn’t been good moments. Adore’s first concert. The family vacation to Cancun. The weekend shopping sprees. Every so often, Bianca caught a glimpse of the fully-formed human being that Adore was starting to become, and she…well, adored her. But sooner or later, the shit would start again; Bianca could feel herself failing her daughter in real time. 

Just like when Adore was a teenager, things had fallen apart tonight just as Bianca was starting to enjoy the good.  

It was her fault. Like usual. Bianca had too much to drink too quickly, and she got emotional. She’d phrased some stuff poorly. She’d upset Adore. It was always her fault - it was always her that made the first wrong step. Adore just reacted to her shitty parenting.  

She’d made an off-handed comment about Adore ‘abandoning’ her. Which, in her crappier moments, she often felt but resolved never to say to her. Adore was an adult with her own life and her own burgeoning fame to deal with, and she’d lost her dad less than a year ago. Bianca’s feelings didn’t matter; she should be seeking her emotional support from someone her own age. So fucking what if Adore had better things to deal with than her mom’s grief and loneliness? 

But she’d said it anyway, and then she’d doubled down. Just like she always did. Adore started crying. Bianca got frustrated. God, she misses Ben. He wouldn’t have let this happen. 

“Leave Daddy the fuck out of this, he’s the only person I never doubted cared about me and I-" 

“Yeah, he did. He really, really fucking cared about you - enough to spend nearly his entire adult life closeted because he wanted to give you some semblance of a normal childhood, enough that the night he fucking died he didn’t want me to call you because he didn’t want to worry you-“

“That’s not a good thing! I wish I’d been there! I wish I knew, instead of coming offstage to find out that my dad had fucking died and my stupid, selfish, uptight bitch of a mother didn’t think it was worth her time to tell me that he was in that accident-“ 

“I told Willam - she said it wasn’t important enough to get you on the goddamn phone! Blame her!”

“You should have tried harder!”

“I didn’t think I had to. Your dad didn’t know how bad it was, he didn’t know what was going to happen - none of us knew, obviously if we did I would have put you on a flight as soon as I-“

Bianca has been trying to write that stupid fucking San Junipero bullshit out of her will for months now. If Ben wanted it and didn’t get it, she’s sure as shit not doing it now. However, the process is a fucking nightmare - eight hundred stupid phone calls to eight hundred useless morons who need to refer her to the next person, to try and sell her on an upgrade or ask her if this is because she wants the payout for the unused credit on her plan. It’s demoralizing and exhausting - the evil spiritual stepsister of canceling fucking cable, but a hundred times harder and with constant reminders of her fucking dead ex-husband and the last request he never got. 

Everything is depressing and shit, and she’s tired. She wants it to end - she wants to return to a normal that she can never get back. 

Bianca lingers at the open door of Adore’s teenage bedroom. It’s a shitshow. She hadn’t tidied up after herself when she left after Ben’s funeral - if anything she’d made more mess, rummaging around in her things and packing and unpacking for that fucking tour she had to go on. Which had done good things for her. In the last six months, her opening spots had turned into festival headliners and talk show appearances; she had an album in the works, and was watching her teenage dream blossom in real time to heights she’d never imagined it would reach. Bianca is glad that she went. Even if she hates her for it a little bit.

Bianca doesn’t want to touch anything. She treads carefully across the messy floor, trying not to disrupt anything; trying to preserve her daughter’s chaos, learn to live in it and love it as she did. Adore’s bed is unmade. The sheets smell like her. 

There’s a framed picture by her bed - a print of a blurry selfie taken at Ben’s niece’s bat mitzvah. She remembers that night. Adore had just turned twenty-one and her hair was purple. They’d gotten irresponsibly drunk on kosher wine, and Adore had climbed into Bianca’s lap to take the picture, pressing her gloss-sticky lips to Bianca’s cheek and telling her she loved her. They’re both smiling like maniacs. 

Adore had just turned twenty-one. That picture hadn’t been there when Adore last occupied that room - she’d moved into her college dorm a few days before her nineteenth birthday. She’d brought that here. And left it here. Bianca feels queasy. She picks it up gently, like it’s a precious artifact. The frame is bright red hard plastic, shaped like a heart - painted on one side, in Adore’s endearingly shitty handwriting: LOVE YOU MOMMY XO

Bianca’s eyes well up. It was a fucking gift that Adore never gave to her. Probably because she’d ruined Adore’s last visit home. Just like she ruined tonight. Just like she ruined her. Bianca drops the frame like it burns to touch, and she hears the glass shatter against the hardwood floor.  

She closes the door as she leaves, hearing it slam and her own breath becoming frantic. She feels that familiar ache, a sob building up in the depths of her chest.  

She’s pressed against Adore’s wall and staring directly into Ben’s old room. She’d transformed it into a pitiful sewing workspace that she’d barely used when he moved out - a weird attempt to kick some sense of purpose back into her life when Adore had flown the nest and Ben was out living his own life, picking up an old hobby that had dominated her teens and fuelled her plans for the future. Plans that had died a death in the bathroom of her old apartment downtown. The mannequin torso sits gathering dust, half-finished sketches litter the table. A waste - like everything else. 

She can’t do this. She doesn’t want to be here. She wants Adore back. Wants to hold her in her arms, breathe in her scent and her warmth, and tell her she forgives her for every horrible thing that had come out of her mouth tonight. 

No, she wants to tell her that she’s sorry. For everything. 

Sleep. She needs to sleep. 

“You just don’t want to admit that you screwed me out of a chance to say goodbye! You feel like I’ve abandoned you? Fuck you! You didn’t love him!” 

“I did-" 

“He was your friend - he was my fucking dad. Don’t try and pretend that what you’re feeling right now is anything like what I’m feeling, because it’s not.”

“It doesn’t have to be - Dorey, we can deal with this together. I want to be there for you. I want to help you. And I miss you, is that such a fucking crime?”

“You miss being a bitch to me - you miss telling me that I’ve wasted my life. You miss having someone else to boss around, because that’s all you wanna do.”

“Adore, I tried my fucking best for you. I didn’t have it in me to be a perfect mother - I didn’t have one, I wasn’t set up to be good at this. I tried my best, and if you feel like I’ve failed then I’m really fucking sorry. But I love you, and-“

Why the fuck are her pills on the kitchen counter? Bianca pops one out and swallows it dry, desperate for her mind to shut the fuck up. She’s drunk and confused and alone and fucking sad, and she wants to sleep.

Should she call Adore? No, that feels desperate. She needs to leave her alone; let her get over this at her own pace, let her come back on her own. If she wants to come back. She’ll come back. 

Bianca didn’t come back. Bianca didn’t forgive her mom for the sin of setting her expectations too high, so why the hell would Adore do the same? Maybe her mom feels the same way about her - maybe she feels deprived of a presence in the life she created, and maybe she loses sleep and paces around the house at night like a madwoman and cries over her too. That feels vindicating - so why does it hurt so much that Adore is probably gonna commit her to the same fate? 

Bianca collapses into the couch. Her body feels heavy. The clock on the wall says it’s just after midnight. There’s an empty pizza box on the coffee table. Adore’s lipstick is stained onto the rim of her glass. 

“God, can you not go five minutes without trying to make me feel like shit? I know. I know you tried, I’m sorry I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to-“

“Do you think this is what your dad would have fucking wanted?”

“Don’t talk about what he would have wanted - what he would have wanted doesn’t matter. He’s dead, mom. He’s fucking gone. He’s gone, and I’m never gonna get him back, and now I’m stuck with you.”  

“The fuck do you mean ‘stuck with’ me?”

“You know exactly what I fucking mean.”

“What, you wish it was me? You wish I was the one that had fucking died? If that’s what you mean, say it.” 

“If I have to choose one of you then yeah. Yeah, I wish it was him that was still here.”

The couch is soft and warm and Bianca is falling asleep. She’s comfortable - but she feels wrong. Her head is swimming. 

It’s getting dark outside. Bianca watches for headlights in the driveway. Maybe Adore will come home and forgive her. Bianca is tired, and her head is heavy, and she wants to go to sleep. Sleep and forget. Maybe Adore will love her again when she wakes up. 

*****

[1] MISSED CALL  Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:21

[3] NEW MESSAGES  Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:23 mom im rlly sorry. i love you. can we talk <33 mom are you okay? talk to me 

[3] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:29

[4] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR  00:34 mom PLEASE answer ur phone  im sorry  talk to me please im coming over

[5] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 00:58

[3] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:01 im outside answer the door  mommy i know ur mad at me but i want to talk to u, im rlly sorry i love u so much pls answer the door mom MOM

[8] MISSED CALLS Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:07

[2] NEW MESSAGES Adore DR 💕😻👩‍👧 01:11 mommy please  im sorry. i love you. 

****

Pride Challenge Points: 6662

#rpdr fanfiction #the miracle of living #lita #bianca del rio #adore delano #adore & bianca #mother/daughter au #bendelacreme #jinkx monsoon #san junipero au #black mirror au #fic challenge #dystopia #angst #tissue warning #parenting au #dead dove do not eat #tw major character deaths #tw grieving and depression #tw parental loss #tw suicidal thoughts #tw accidental overdose

[razzmothazz]

okay, but what fob songs and lines for what characters, I want to know also, for autism reasons lmao.

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED BUT ALSO I DONT WANNA GO TOO DEEP CAUSE I COULD TALK ABT IT FOR HOURS AAAA

i could take reqs for certains songs cause i have thoughts on nearly all of them, but im gonna ramble rn about how i feel so much (for) stardust [album, not the song specifically] is so vbs to me actually...

starting off strong with love from the other side

THIS IS SO AN TO ME !!! especially after her learning about how everyone hid the passing of someone SO important to her away for three god damn years.

this part is kinda self explanatory i feel? especially "what would you trade the pain for", refering to the pain of losing her role model of sorts of course. someone she looked up to so much and held in such high regard and she didnt even know theyve been gone.. she makes me SOB

this part refering to her feeling like the whole "city" [vivid street] pretty much lied to her and deceived her, everything feels wrong and off now. its not the same home it was before.

the feeling in this case would obviously be grief, anger and so many others tbh, she lets the feelings out and uses music as an outlet of sorts for it ?? not sure how to explain what i mean [im writing this at 3am sorry] the feelings are so overwhelming i dont think she could fight them if she wanted to, but why would you want to fight such justified feelings ?? i feel SO bad for her omg

this part works for all of vbs, but i feel like it especially applies to akito and an, obviously referencing surpassing rad weekend and how difficult it is considering their constant feeling of inferiority, with akitos being a pretty extreme case of it.

also just feels to me like something akito would actually say/sing

also haha funny hampster refering to kohane /j

i dont have words that can describe this line other than just imagine an singing it with the context of what i said before. that is all.

OFF TO HEARTBREAK FEELS SO GOOD

this is just very vbs to me, its easy to apply their stories and themes to these verses. they will surpass radweekend someday. they can do it, and they can do it together and go even further after, hopefully.

the pre-chorus reminded me of akitos situation with older musicians, how they mocked him etc. which at first obviously made him feel horrible, but he learned from that and now he alone is even better than some of them, and with all of vbs at his side hes even better.

dont have as much for this one, so moving on to

HOLD ME LIKE A GRUDGE

one word. AKITOYA.

cmon now. you see the vision.

this is SO akito talking to toya, how he motivates him to do better and better and helps him up any time he feels down.

they are soulmates, no matter how you look at it!! but theres also akito being a bit of a menace as well as often feeling like hes dragging toya down, yet despite that he wants to stay with him. akito doesnt want to do this without toya, and the feeling is obviously mutual [im actually so insane about them. they are SO important to me not even as a romantic couple just 2 guys meant to be together as partners UEUEUUEUEUEUEEE]

after all the hardships theyre still going strong, some dreams were crushed along the way but their main goal is always there.

the pressure bit makes me think about how each of them feels somewhat inferior to the others, [they need therapy istg] which makes them want to constantly keep pushing themselves to do better and better, and to keep going and going. they have what it takes, they just need to work to perfect it. they know they will do it but they still have a lot to figure out, obviously. they get a bit lost and stuck at times trying to get to their desired level but they will surpass rad weekend. someday.

OKAY IM GONNA STOP HERE BUT I COULD GO ON AND ON AAAAAAAAA I LOVE ASSOCIATING MUSIC I LOVE WITH CHARACTERS I LOVE!!!!!!

< 3333333333

#random #sorry this is long #im a little insane #again. wrote this at 3am #also yadda yadda my own interpretation you dont have to agree etc. etc.

[away-ward]

Opinio that was never really discussed before: nerds/geeks attract nerds/geeks, and this is why willemmy attract each other. Interesting how they both have met so many men and women, and they still wanna be with each other because on,y with them two, they can explore whatever things they want, together, without their ideas and wants being dismissed or being judged, or being looked as "uncool" because they don't fit the social beauty standard, especially for will was more know as a "jock". If emmy was not a smart, hardworking, since and honest, nerd, doesnt matter if she was physically hot (which she was) like alex, will would still not want to be with her, because he would want to always do "more, better, higher" with someone. The same goes with emmy with will, because she couldve just ended up fucking around with aydin, damon or even have a crush on kai, but these three were always very controlling and very rigid of their structure, and usually structure would put a halt to doing "more" just for the sake of doing more.

Idk, WillEmmy is always gonna be nerd bf x nerd gf to me. Because imagine if emmy was having a conversation of her interest with kai, kai will defo say something like "ok but why would you do/think that?", and the rest of the men would probably not gaf as much, so i cannot see any possibilities of emmy finding much deep conversations and shared interest with them. The one that i can see her get along with on a deeper level if outside of the circumstances of their meetings, would probably be aydin and micah. Aydin because he was a nerd too, and micah loves to talk, emmy loves to listen, so they can have ongoing conversations without feeling awkward like how em would be around michael or kai.

What do you think?

nerds/geeks attract nerds/geeks, and this is why willemmy attract each other.

You’re right. To be fair, I’d still classify Will and Emmy as opposites attracted, and I’d put Nerd/Jock under that label, because to me Will is a jock with nerd tendencies. He has an addictive personality and the ability to hyper focus on things.

This post might interest you. An anon asked me about mbti, and I sort of went off-topic talking about how much of a nerd Will actually is, and why they work so well.

Because imagine if emmy was having a conversation of her interest with kai, kai will defo say something like "ok but why would you do/think that?", and the rest of the men would probably not gaf as much, so i cannot see any possibilities of emmy finding much deep conversations and shared interest with them.

I feel the same for the most part. I don’t think Kai and Emmy share a lot of common interests, but I think they’d find comfort in the silence between them. Like you know those people you can just share a space with, and it never gets uncomfortable? That might be them. There’s no pressure between them, neither expects anything. Neither feels the overwhelming need to talk. I also HC she’s argue with Michael a lot, and that it’s when they agree on something, the others should be scared.

But nobody gets her like Will, especially the thing she enjoys, and that’s what matters.

I don’t think a lot about Aydin, Micah, and Rory to have strong HCs, so I can’t offer anything there, but I don’t see why you’d be wrong. I think Emory is probably very fond of all of them.

Personally, I always felt the point of the "family" was that each member was of equal value. Each member was needed to balance them out. There's something that Michael is missing that he finds in Emory. Same for Kai, and Damon. And in reverse as well. As much as PD pushes the physical bond between them, to me the emotional one meant more, so it's what I like to focus on. These characters need each other for some reason, and that's why the group works. That's what I like to explore.

It's why lines like Banks only needing to call Michael once in ten years from the bonus scene irritate me. Because if Banks doesn't need or even like Michael is some way, why did any of that matter?

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic again. But my point is that I think over the years, Emory finds a way to work and bond with each of them, no matter how difficult or odd it is. They're her family.

Thanks for your message, and sorry for going sideways there at the end. I get very passionate about friendships.

Take care until next time,

-KO

#asked and answered #devil's night series stuff #willemmy #character discussion #asked and answered 123

[wioaase]

guess who drank again?

its me. i thought altered states of consciousness were supposed to unlock more creativity but i got nothing lmao. anyways i wanted to write something? not proofread cuz i cant think rn <3

i wanna write something kinda hard but i feel like all im capable of is soft? yn tired of being mistreated and gives up on relationships all together and the boys try to make them feel better / take them out to prove that relationships (specifically with them) would be worth something?

chan

hates seeing you upset like this

completely understands

doesnt want you to give up completely

takes you out to dinner as just friends

you go back to your place for a movie afterwards

he tells you that you deserve better

that the nice dinner you had together is what you should expect from a partner

what he'd do for you

you think his confession / admittance to this is kinda silly until you see hes serious

"please yn. let me show you"

how could you say no to your best friend?

acts like a bf for the rest of the night

ends with yall either falling asleep together or "falling asleep" together

miniho

makes fun of you until he realizes youre actually upset

then feels kinda bad about it

agrees that relationships are kinda dogshit

because both of you have come to the same conclusion you spend more time together

during this time he realizes he may have been wrong

doesnt know how to bring up that hes changed his mind about relationships / is scared of ruining the bond youve made so far

stays quiet for a while until you make a comment about wishing dating could be as easy as it was hanging out with him

mindlessly states that you could just date him and itd be easier for both of you

doesnt register as a serious statement until you see him kinda flustered

you give it a rest for a day before asking him about it

doesnt want to pressure you into anything, tells you youll still be best friends regardless of his comment

shut him up by kissing him

surely you can try relationships one more time

changbin

absolute princess

would do the most after you get rejected / decide that other people arent worth your energy

easily buys you ice cream / is always able to clear his schedule whenever youre having a bad day and really need him

would never admit to crushing on you

lets you hang out at the studio when you dont want to be alone but have no where else to be

admires your company

doesnt realize his feelings until you continuously complain about none of your dates working out and all the people you see being shitty

jealous binnie

during one of your visits to the studio its just him and theres a bouquet of flowers in a vase you dont think too much of

he cant take you not saying anything / asking about it anymore

shyly begs you not to go on any more bad dates with people you meet through apps and to let him take you out just once

you take him up on his offer thinking hes just being a good friend

isnt until the end of the night you realize that he means more than friendship

butterflies butterflies butterflies for both of you

maybe ends in hand holding walking you home and maybe maybe maybe a kiss on the cheek as he drops you off

thinks about this night while laying in bed and kicking his feet / blushing

hyunjin

doesnt understand how you could give up on love?

love is everywhere

how dont you see it?

makes an effort to point out the nonromantic examples of love whenever youre together

you more or less roll your eyes because he knows what you really meant

he knows too but doesnt know how to show you without directly asking you to give him a chance

during one of your hangouts you make another joke about being alone forever

he hates seeing you hurting and cant do it anymore

cups your face in his hands

"please"

he almost looks like crying

you dont understand why but you make an effort to try and be more positive about relationships in your life

seeing you smile at an older couple as they go about their daily routine has him thinking about what life would look like if you two were together

thinks its a phase and tries to get over it but starts to paint you (oops)

eventually you find some paintings and ask him about it and he has to confess

youre scared of change but he promises you wont lose him even if things dont work out

puts a ton of effort into your first official date and is such a gentlemen it gives you butterflies

maybe you were wrong about relationships being hopeless

han

i love this man sm

would wholeheartedly agree when you rant to him about your most recent shitty date and tell you that all men are trash

your declaration that youve officially given up on relationships gives him the idea that he can freely flirt with you now

it started as a joke but the more he said it the more he genuinely believed it

didnt realize that he had caught feelings until you brought up maybe trying dating again

makes him sick to his stomach

after you go out on another date you want to meet up and talk about it but he makes up an excuse not to see you so you have to share the evening over text

hes terrified that youre going to replace him and hates himself for feeling that way but at the same time wants to be the only person that you need to depend on

you think his excuse is weird but text him regardless rather than telling him everything in person

hes secretly relieved when you say that you dont intend to see them agian

even more relieved that you told him over text cuz hes grinning like an idiot rn

decides to do something before you want to go on another date with someone thatll just leave you broken

does something omega cheesy like invite you over for your usual movie night

rose petals and candles and a card inside a bouquet

card defo has some shitty pickup line in it but it makes you laugh

baby boy is nervous but you just hug him and say sure

he thinks hes dreaming at this point and looks at you with heart eyes for the rest of the night

felix

would encourage you not to give up

offer to look through peoples dating profiles with you in an attempt to vet the shitty ones

the more he was helping you build your profile and look at potential candidates the more he wanted to say no to every potential match you had

makes a joke about dating you instead of going through the hassle of trying to find someone to date

what begins as a joke ends up weighing heavily on his mind and keeps him up at night

what if you two went out?

what would you say if he asked? would he be rejected? laughed at? ruin the friendship completely?

after this would be relatively quiet when you asked for help with dating

just tells you to trust your gut

youd have to physically go over to his place and confront him about it before hed tell you anything about it

would still be hella nervous

you find it cute though and tell him yes

he starts planning the next cafe date asap

seungmin

tells you youre unlovable

youre used to his tough love and accept it

delete any dating apps you had and officially give up on trying to meet other people

youre content for a while until it finally gets under your skin that everyone around you keeps nagging about finding you a relationship

you ask him to pretend to be your boyfriend to try and get everyone to stop asking questions about your personal life

he spends the entire night flirting with you and genuinely acting like boyfriend material

it fills the void in your heart momentarily

he considered it just helping out a friend but since that night hes seen you differently

have you always been that pretty?

eases off the harsh teasing and tries to compliment you more often

you notice eventually and make a comment

he brushes it off as nothing

youd have to instigate anything if you want things to go any further but some of that playful flirting has carried over since you asked him to pretend

jeongin

doesnt really understand why you care so much about being in a relationship in the first place?

like it genuinely doesnt make sense to him

if you have friends that treat you well why would you need anything more?

starts to worry that maybe he isnt doing enough as a friend

ups the game while unknowingly fulfilling boyfriend criteria

spends all his free time with you. texts you on breaks. finds himself thinking about you whenever hes not allowed to contact you for extended periods of time

performs better when hes able to hear your voice / see your face the day before a big event

would need someone else to point out that his feelings are growing past platonic

probably freaks out a little bit and ignores you for a day or two

plays it off as being sick even though you knew he was busy with other schedules

eventually confront him on it

isnt able to tell you exactly what hes feeling but does tell you that he doesnt like being apart from you

you think hes over exaggerating until you go out on another date with someone you dont know and one of the other boys texts you saying that jeongin is sad and youre the only one who can make him better

you try and joke with him to lift his mood but nothing helps

you fall asleep on video call with one another and when he thinks youre asleep he confesses

"sleeping angel.. i love you.."

you have to pretend to still be asleep despite hearing him or else hed never acknowledge it

when youre ready you can approach him and ask about it

until then though you can expect him to keep protecting you from a distance

[youngpettyqueen]

Hawkeye wraps his arms around BJ’s neck and pulls him into a hug. BJ throws his arms around his middle and hugs back with strength that borders on crushing. He doesn’t complain, though. He just gets one hand up to cradle his head, combing his fingers through his paling hair as BJ squeezes him tight enough to pop his ribs out of place. He feels him inhale deep in his hair, feels his fingers dig anchor points into his back that very well might leave bruises.

“I’m here,” He murmurs quietly, “Just keep holding on till it feels real. I’m not goin’ anywhere anytime soon.”

BJ’s response is to bury his face in his shoulder. Hawkeye tilts his head against his, turning briefly so that he can plant a quick kiss to the messy hair there. BJ breathes in shaky inhales and shuddering exhales, trembling quietly in his arms like a frightened child. This place has a way of making frightened children of them all.

From Things That Cry In The Night, and—

“No, I call ‘em sexy, smokin’, maybe even pretty. But never beautiful,” Trapper gives Hawkeye’s shoulder a helpful nudge to get him to flop onto his back, “That’s only for you. Even when you look like you want me dead.” He teases.

Hawkeye gives him a dainty little wave. Trapper throws him a wink as he makes his exit, needing to move out before he can make the decision to shirk his duties and play nurse all day. He’d already done that once this week, and he doubts Henry will take kindly to his doing it a second time.

from It’s Not Chicken Soup, But It’s Good For The Soul, for the DVD commentary thing?

—No GFA Anon

you got it!! and dont worry about the 500 words thing anon (I saw your other message) i wasn't planning on being strict with it haha

things that cry in the night-

so one thing about me as a writer is I really really love writing hugs. this is because I think hugging is an elite action and I am a very huggy person. one of the main points of this fic was just to write a really good hug. one of those hugs thats like, deep-pressure therapy that feels like it could put you back together while youre breaking down in pieces. Hawkeye here is physically holding BJ together, gathering him up and trying to fit all those pieces together, while BJ is desperately clinging onto him as tight as he can because he needs to convince himself this is real, and part of him is terrified if he doesnt hold on as tight as he can, Hawkeye's going to vanish

Hawkeye very much gets what BJ's going through here. a lot of inspo for this fic came from Hawk's Nightmare, and me wanting to explore how BJ might react to having those extremely vivid nightmares. its why I had Hawkeye know what to say and what to do- he knows how this feels. I also imagine this isnt the first time this has happened, even if we never got a scene like this in canon

I was particularly proud of that last bit- "This place has a way of making frightened children of them all." I still really like it. I was drawing specifically on Hawkeye's experiences there, referencing how he often feels like a scared kid when it comes to this place and the war. he's seeing that childlike fear in BJ, and he sees it in others. its another reason he knows what to do and what to say- he knows how it feels

its not chicken soup, but its good for the soul-

yeah that first bit I still really, really love. "“No, I call ‘em sexy, smokin’, maybe even pretty. But never beautiful,”-" is the indicator that what Trapper feels for Hawkeye is different than what he feels for the nurses, specifically in that early seasons context of sleeping around with them a lot. I wanted to make it clear Trapper is still very much into the women, because the casual sex in the early seasons is something I actually love a lot and isnt something I would ever ignore in a fic, but it is meant to indicate that his relationship with and feelings towards Hawkeye are different. its romantic, not just attraction

that last part is also very cute for me haha. I did not dive into it in this fic, because it wasn't relevant and I was very very sick while writing so I did not have the energy to expand on a lot, but I like to think Trapper enjoys playing nurse whenever anybody in camp that he knows/is close with is sick/hurt. he's such a caring guy!! he's such a sweetheart, we see that come into play a lot with the kids, but also with Hawkeye and I would even say we see it sometimes with Margaret. so yeah, of course he would want to play nurse and fuss around

and the last bit there about Henry is just a really funny visual for me. Henry of course appreciates the sentiment- personally I HC that Henry did a lot of hovering and mother henning over Hawkeye after the events of Dr Pierce and Mr Hyde- but also. he kinda needs Trapper to work his shifts, if only so he doesnt have to deal with Frank's bitching about it

#mash #fic bitching #tyyyyyy for the ask #did this remind me I need to add a Henry and Hawkeye fic to my WIP list? yeah #I love both these fics a lot #the latter one mainly cause im impressed its coherent ksdkjfhkdjs

[daedalusdavinci]

DirkJohn for the ask game?

I GOTCHU sorry i got wrapped up in something

send me a ship and ill tell you

who hogs the duvet

its dirk. he grew up in a post apocalyptic world where the ice caps melted in texas the man is used to heat. +++ hes autistic and needs the pressure there are so many blankets john is dying

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

"check how their day is going" might be a generous term for the way dirk spams john with stream of consciousness shit throughout the day. john is the one who actually calls to check in though

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

dirk. he gets deep in the shit and goes super over the top about it everything is handmade and Too Much. john is also very creative dont get me wrong its just hard to compete with the man who builds robots for people

who gets up first in the morning

dirk because hes an insomniac and johns got that good depression sleeping in

who suggests new things in bed

dirk lol hes fucking gross

who cries at movies

we all know its john the man cries at con air

who gives unprompted massages

john. hes fidgety and it gives his hands something to do and dirk really needs it and john loves doing things for him

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

john does the whole soup in bed sweet thing so its him dirk just gets stressed and uncomfortable with all the snotty tissues

who gets jealous easiest

its dirk. dirks so possessive its kind of bad but john also gets jealous so it just sort of works for them

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

dirk bc hes a hipster and only listens to the most niche indie shit ever but dirk would say its john bc john doesnt have a good ear for music and will listen to anything (read: crap pop junk, bad "indie" bands, etc)

who collects something unusual

dirk and his puppets ugh

who takes the longest to get ready

dirk. his hair. i hate it. but also he takes so much pride in his appearance he takes forever to pick out an outfit AND THEN IT LOOKS UGGO ANYWAY

who is the most tidy and organized

john, easy. john keeps things ship shape and dirk makes messes on top of messes bc he gets distracted

who gets most excited about the holidays

dirk feels disconnected from holidays bc he wasnt a part of society for so long and john feels disconnected from holidays bc of depression. but ultimately john wins out ig

who is the big spoon/little spoon

john likes to be the big spoon and crush dirk

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

dirk has problems. (he also loses a lot.)

who starts the most arguments

dirk hes self destructive and gets hung up on dumb petty shit but also sometimes john says something and its like arguing with a brick wall where dirks not getting its a joke and feels like he hAS to correct john and theyre just not understanding what the other means

who suggests that they buy a pet

honestly? dirk. john doesnt trust himself enough to take care of a pet and dirk decides a cat would be a good idea (it is. john does better when hes taking care of other people)

what couple traditions they have

depression naps

what tv shows they watch together

dirk barely tolerates johns abominable taste and they dont make it through that many

what other couple they hang out with

i think vriska and terezi is funny. probably also whoever dave and roxy are with

how they spend time together as a couple

john likes spoiling dirk and going on dates bc dirk likes being pampered but dirk likes staying home with john and taking self care days because john needs the rest and company sometimes

who made the first move

dirk, probably. or at least tried to

who brings flowers home

john, definitely

who is the best cook

100% john

#asks

[iriemorning]

return to sender

fluency in words comes with great expectations. as i was widely read since young, people hang on to what i say and so i often feel that looming pressure on my shoulder whenever i speak out and inform. in contrast, ideas breeze to me like petals in spring. i see all these foods for thought and i am a mere basket catching all of them. but whenever it's time for me to present them into something people can digest, my words don't come out easily—both written and orally.

analyzing literature pieces and academic papers are relatively easier, since you already have a source material to relate to (which is what my current degree is all about) the key there is finding twisted connections. you're not creating concepts out of thin air, unlike writing fiction. it is one of the most soul-sucking practice a human can ever do, so fermenting my ideas for a long period of time is a must. there are a lot of stories in my roster gathering dust for years, waiting for the miracle when i would finally have the time of day to write their first draft. but alas, i'm a chronic procrastinator; very much in love with outlining and daydreaming scenes more than actually putting the work to churn out words on the blank page.

nowadays i'm working on that weakness by writing a page everyday. it's a snail pace but i hope i can make it a habit in the long run.

there are fortunate times wherein i catch fully ripe fruits in my basket. my expertise is putting together various petals from different flowers altogether, creating a new, unique flower. ripe fruits though, is the quintessence of art in its absolute form. they come in my all-time favorites [TV shows and movies, animangas, comics, books, music videos, albums, paintings] and what im striving to make someday; to have a complete opus with my style and trademark.

but there are also terrible times wherein i receive unripe ones from the mail. my former colleagues, for example, have asked me for advice about their unfinished pieces. some even prompted me to revise the entire manuscript itself (that's like giving away free labor, being an editor is not for the weak), or changing the entire plot based on my suggestions. like woah, why would you trust me that much?

which is why i always walk on eggshells when giving out constructive criticism, or making offhanded remarks, because it might make or break someone's morale and negatively affect how they make their artwork. that's the last thing i want. i am a firm believer that we should all maintain creative autonomy on our own works, and how we live our life in general

so here is a big disclaimer: please treat whatever i say here in my blog (experiences, tips, realizations) with a grain of salt. they're rather N of 1 trials: i am a lifeseeking-researcher but i am also my own sole test subject, always putting myself in this microscopic stance with the rest of the world as a petri dish. i cannot guarantee that whatever works for me will also work for you. and just because i make direct eye contacts with the sun doesn't mean you'd also follow me and make yourself blind. the world is in constant flux, our cells are always regenerating, the energies are always changing. i grow everyday, and some epiphanies i get may not be applicable anymore the day after tomorrow, or a year later.

only take whatever seems useful for you in my basket of confectionery then leave the rest, at your own discretion; maybe even pass it on to the next person.

and there's more: ever heard of unwanted deliveries? annoying calls from unregistered numbers masking themselves as urgent? there are times when i receive these rotten fruits; situations that seemingly require my immediate attention and action but doesnt really fit my forte in life. i am just like any other twenty-something-year-old-woman, living my normal college life, having silly little crushes, spending my teensy-weensy outdoor moments reflecting because i didn't do that when i was young (i was just like any other rebellious teen too, not so special). so i could have been any of you. i am not a superhero, a mad scientist, nor an aspiring cult-leader. just a creatively-constipated storyteller

if you still wanna stick around, then welcome to my humble abode (maybe even cure my word constipation... is that a yes?)

but if i receive unwarranted energies, trust that i will send it back to your address

with love, xx

#creatively constipated storyteller #writer #writer life #im just a girl #for all twenty something teens out there #return to sender