assortednarutoheadcanons

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #6

Minato has dimples. Kushina has freckles (like most redheads).

Naruto has dimples and freckles.

Ino has neither (the Yamanaka pride a smooth, unblemished face above all else and Ino Is Yamanaka Beauty Standard) but her children generally have dimples. So Inojin has dimples.

#yamanaka ino #uzumaki naruto #uzumaki kushina #namikaze minato #ino and naruto are half siblings #fight me #and ino knows but doesn't tell naruto cus it's not the clan way #i'm making fics about this

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #5

Inoichi is somehow known throughout his generation of ninja as both a prude and an absolute slut. The amount of people he’s had sex with numbers in the 3 digits but he rarely takes his clothes off for the deed itself.

A notable list of people Yamanaka Inoichi has fucked:

Uzumaki Kushina (happened on two missions and they’re just fuck buddies cus Inoichi can go all night and Minato Can Not)

Namikaze Minato (bachelor party. Ino was concieved that night)

Uchiha Fugaku and Mikoto at the same time

Hyuga Hizashi

A frankly ridiculous amount of enemy ninja he seduced.

Everyone in the Uchiha Clan

Inuzuka Tsume (her husband couldn’t satisfy her so she went to Inoichi who had no problems with the entire situation at all)

Kato Dan

A number of random one night stands with assorted ANBU members when he was an ANBU operative.

Akimichi Choza/Nara Shikaku (1st times and they were all wildly drunk)

Choza’s wife is not into it but Yoshino was fine with it.

Karatchi Yagura (the 4th Mizukage, guy before Terumi Mei? Yeah, him)

A

Rasa

Most of Kage actually got wrecked by Inoichi.

In conclusion, be pan, do crimes and maybe have everyone in the 5 great nations on speed dial because you fucked them because you have superior Top Energy in comparison to Literally Anyone Else In The World.

(Yes, the Yamanaka Clan are all Tops. They have to outsource reproduction anyways. Fight me.)

#naruto #assorted naruto bullshit #assorted headcanons #naruto headcanon #Inoichi Yamanaka #Yamanaka Clan #inoichi is a slut and you can fight me on this #trans naruto character #trans yamanaka inoichi #inoichi is trans #fight me #yamanaka inoichi #yamanaka ino #Ino Yamanaka #ino is the result of a one night stand between inoichi and minato #minato had no idea inoichi was trans and doesn't remember that night either #blame fugaku for ino's unfortunate existance

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Kankuro: Gaara, don't you have enough children now?

Gaara: What are you talking about? I only have-

Gaara:

Kankuro:

Gaara: How many nieces and nephews do you have now?

Kankuro: THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW TOO!

#sabaku no gaara #sabaku no kankuro #naruto head canons #naruto headcanons #naruto #boruto era #post 4th shinobi world war #gaara is the bruce wayne of the naruto world #gaara of the sand #gaara #kankuro of the sand #kankuro #shikamaru is the only person who can keep track of his rediculously large family tree #and it's only because he has a photographic memory #kankuro is done #temari tries but there's just so many of them #gaara also dotes on all his children endlessly #it's really funny #their father is rolling in his grave

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #4

The Inuzuka Clan is actually very canine like. While Tsume comes across more wolfish, Kiba is much more like a fox. Hana is more like a domesticated dog.

The reason is because they used to be a barbarian, raiding Clan that would absorb other Clans and resources. They had the largest territory of the Clans during the Warring Era, bordering the Nara and Akimichi Clans’ territories (the Yamanakas lived up in the mountains).

The Nara and Inuzuka Clans are on extremely good terms. The Nara forest has a river that runs through it (it’s also the largest forest in the Five Great Nations’ map) that the allowed the Inuzuka Clan to ‘take over’. Really they were just there to maintain the land because the Nara are lazy bastards and can only care for so much land.

#naruto headcanons #assorted naruto bullshit #inuzuka clan #Kiba Inuzuka #Inuzuka Kiba #tsume inuzuka #hana inuzuka #inuzuka tsume #inuzuka clan headcanons #nara clan headcanons #clan headcanons #naruto clan headcanons #assorted headcanons #naras are lazy bastards #inuzukas have too much energy and kiba literally pains shikamaru

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #3

The Uzumaki Clan are the only clan in the five nations that has godparents. It’s very important within the Clan as it decides who will care for the child if the parents pass.

This is also the only reason Naruto is the only person with a godparent in Naruto. It’s because all the other clans just dump the orphan on someone because the kid will be raised by a ‘village’.

#naruto #naruto headcanons #uzumaki clan #uzumaki naruto #uzumaki headcanons #godparents in uzumaki clan are very important #assorted headcanons #assorted naruto bullshit

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Crack concept: Team 7 time travel where they wake up in their genin bodies and easy-mode the plot, but everyone has woken up in the wrong body.

Sakura is in Naruto’s body.

Naruto is in Sasuke’s body.

Sasuke is in Sakura’s body.

Kakashi gets filled in on what’s happened almost immediately, so that he can spend his time running after his disaster of a team and coming up with increasingly bad excuses for why they’re Like This

They wake up in the middle of the Wave mission so they have to basically go into battle without any sort of practice at being in each other’s bodies

Naruto: HOW DO I TURN ON THE SHARINGAN Sasuke: Just think about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you– Sakura, why am I already tired?? Naruto: SASUKE IT’S NOT WORKING Sakura: Oh my god, Naruto, no wonder you had such bad chakra control! This is more than I had as an adult! Sasuke: Sakura, I’m dying– (SAKURA BREAKS THE ENTIRE BRIDGE)

Anyway, Sakura-in-Naruto’s body is definitely the most useful of the three in terms of combat because her chakra control transfers. All three get to keep their ~experience~ in terms of combat and jutsu (so Sakura can still do medical jutsu, Sasuke can do low-power genjutsu but can’t get Sakura’s body to fire/lightning jutsu very easily, etc), but jutsu involving a nature transformation that they’re not used to/their current body isn’t aligned with takes some practice, and obviously Sasuke and Naruto aren’t used to fighting without a magic eyeball or demon fox. (Sakura is also not used to fighting without her byakugou to fall back on, but this is much less of an immediate problem for her.)

Naruto tries to send Sakura to go collect the Toad summoning contract and learn the Rasengan from Jiraiya, but she finds him peeping on a bathhouse and flips her shit, and she doesn’t get anything out of it.

Sakura: JUST TEACH ME THE RASENGAN YOURSELF Naruto: You can’t just learn my signature technique without months of practice– Sakura: (gets it in about three tries because of her chakra control + overall experience with nature transformation + Naruto’s body’s affinity for wind) Naruto: are you kidding me

Sasuke wants to go off to Do Something About Itachi immediately but he keeps pushing Sakura’s body too far and collapsing. No, he will NOT stop trying; he knows this thing will get super tough eventually. Just…. eventually, okay??

They realize they can pre-empt a lot of bad plot stuff by hunting down Obito and Zetsu, and this leads to a lot of shenanigans like “Naruto collapses out after one (1) chidori even though he still has plenty of chakra, because Naruto is simply not used to having to do anything running on low and thinks he is dying” and “Sasuke remembers some Earth/Water techniques he copied in his previous life and can get Sakura’s body to do them, but unfortunately he keeps forgetting he has noodle arms” and “Sakura in Naruto’s body is a fucking beast in combat, but she lacks Naruto’s charisma and therefore attempts to solve the Gaara problem by Murdering Him”

Orochimaru keeps showing up to try and mark Sasuke (Naruto) and all three just sort of treat him like an annoyance and it’s hurting his feelings

Naruto’s Talk-no-Jutsu with Sasuke’s pretty privilege……. unstoppable???

#time travel #team 7 time travel au #wrong bodies too #its so much better

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #2

The Akimichi used to be a Death Clan. As in, their patron was a god of death (butterflies are Evil) so they have intense funeral rites and passages, all celebrations come with a feast and they celebrate the life of people. Milestones such as marriage, childbirth, and birthdays are very important and celebrated religiously.

#cuture #headcanons #naruto headcanons #Akimichi Clan #akimichi choji #butterflies drink blood #in some cultures they are the soul of a dead person #the akimichi are literally butterflies therefore they serve death #assorted headcanons #assorted naruto bullshit

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Assorted #1

Rock Lee, Might Guy and whomever else in THAT fucked up clan cannot be tricked with Genjutsu. Yamanakas hate them more than jinjurikis because a jinjuriki you can at least try and escape. Good luck escaping the hellions that are whatever the Lee and Guy Clans are.

#rock lee #might guy #yamanaka clan #genjutsu #guy clan #lee clan #konoha politics #clan rivalries #ino hates lee not for his fashion but for his clan and that's really funny to me #assorted headcanons #assorted naruto bullshit

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Yamanaka Ino: I have a solution.

Uchiha Sasuke, hiding from a mountain bat god: Thank goodness.

Yamanaka 'Pyromaniac' Ino: It inovlves fire.

Nara Shikamaru, stressed best friend: Absolutely not!

#naruto #naruto headcanons #naruto head canons #Yamanaka Ino #Ino Yamanaka #Uchiha Sasuke #Sasuke Uchiha #Nara Shikamaru #Shikamaru Nara #Akimichi Choji #choji akimichi #Taka #Team 10 #ino-shika-cho #promts #text posts #based off a fanfic #Fire Is Not Nor Ever Should Be Considered A Toy

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Ino And Naruto Are Siblings

How?

Inoichi is actually trans.

Before Minato and Kushina were dating, he and Kushina had a friends with benefits thing. He never showed off his body but he could pleasure Kushina fine so it worked.

He slept with Minato during his bachelor’s party when they were both blackout drunk.

He got pregnant with Ino.

Ino was born.

Minato and Kushina died and Inoichi swore to never tell anyone except his older brother (who figured it out instantly) and his mother (because moms’ can fix anything).

Canon is normal but Ino and Naruto are half-siblings.

#naruto headcanons #Ino Yamanaka #Inoichi Yamanaka #Yamanaka Ino #yamanaka inoichi #Yamanaka Clan #Ino is Minato and Inoichi's daughter and I accept no critism #trans naruto character #uzumaki naruto #Uzumaki Kushina #female/trans male #male/trans male #trans pregnancy #Namikaze Minato #minato namizake #minato #ino #inoichi #kushina #naruto #naruto au

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Itachi x Ino: They have a partnership. They have secret meetings not because they are in a secret romantic relationship because they plot to destroy Danzo Shimura down politically, socially and physically. They discussed about their nail polish and gossiped about their coworkers on their free-time.

They would just hope nobody would find out about it until they successfully performed their plots. ESPECIALLY SASUKE.

#itachi uchiha/ino yamanaka #platonic evil plotting #yamanaka ino #naruto headcanons #naruto #naruto head canons #uchiha itachi #itachi uchiha #Ino Yamanaka #Ino and Itachi get married for the benefits of plotting with one another #because Ino is bffs with Shikamaru #and Itachi is just smart #its a partnership between slytherins and hufflepuffs #to keep more slytherins and really everyone out of the loop #which is Ino's job anyways #so it works out #its also two bi/pans talking about the hot people at their shitty jobs #nobody would find out because Ino's the greatest spy ever and Itachi is a genius #kisame finds out and just NOPES the fuck out of it

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Haruno Sakura, to Team 7: No one's stupid enough to try and light Kirigakure on fire, right?

Team 10, a lighter, enough lighter fluid to kill the entirety of Kumogakure, no fear of consequences or god, and the most chaotic of the Yamanaka 'Pyromaniacs-who-once-lit-The-Land-of-Earth-on-fire-for-fun' clan, Yamanaka Ino herself: Bet

#naruto #naruto headcanons #naruto head canons #team 10 is feral™ #yamanaka ino #yamanaka clan #the entire clan is a bunch of pyromaniacs masquerading as poison experts #nara clan #akimichi clan #nara shikamaru #akimichi choji #text posts #prompts #Fire Should Not or Ever Be Considered A Toy #Which I wrote

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

How many people like crack Naruto ships?

Asking for a friend.

(Comment your ships in the tags. Can be the weirdest shit.

My personal weirdest one is Kankuro x Haku but maybe that’s just Saturn and not another Galaxy.)

#naruto #naruto crack ships #anh's questions

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Love this blog fr, makes my pillow cold at night. Makes my microwave not do that cause it's a croissant (hope you get that reference lmao)

Anywho, thots on team gai? Just in general not sure if you've made a post about them. But like what do others around the village think of em? Love u swag, ur amazing.

Oh honey, you beautiful monster. I haven't mentioned them because I'm Team 10 biased and I think we were robbed of their abilities. Team Gai is different as we can guess based off canon lore.

And Team Gai, darling? Well, they're neutral in the village but that doesn't mean they're not chaotic gremlins. They have Lee and Tenten.

And as with Team 10, this is not organized in any shape or form.

Compared to the Chaotic Evil energy Team 10 exudes, Team Gai gives off quite a bit of Lawful Chaotic energy.

Neji carries a bottle of shochu and sake on him at all times (protected by one of Tenten’s frankly amazing scroll seals) in the even that they need to break out their most feared weapon; Drunk Rock Lee.

(this gave Team 10 an hour long mental confused conversation on the benefits and drawbacks. The rest of the teams are immediately like ‘yup, that checks’ and just leaves Team Gai to whatever fuckery they have planned.)

Tenten is actually a fuinjutsu prodigy. Choji’s mother (head of fuinjutsu department) signed her on as an apprentice during the 2.5 blank period where everyone became chunin and Naruto edited Jiraiya’s nasty pornos.

Team Gai is by far the most responsible team and Neji is instantly the best babysitter for any Chaotic Evil groups (see Team 10).

Hyugas are just rational in general.

Neji hates the Yamanaka Clan with a passion.

Tenten despises the Nara Clan because she can’t beat them at go.

Tenten started the Go club at the Academy.

Lee doesn’t hate anyone but he is creeped out by the Yamanaka heiress who glares at him anytime he’s nearby.

(This isn’t about his fashion sense but because the Lee and Gai clans (subsets of the original clan) evolved to be completely resistant to Genjutsu and mental control. This pisses off the Yamanaka Clan to an almost insane degree because Ino has heard all these stories about losing battles to the fucking clan)

(It also has a little to do with his fashion sense)

Tenten can do tattoo seals. Neji has two, Lee has twenty, and Gai has zero because he’s too old (he claims. He’s just terrified of needles)

One of the tattoos allows for Neji to know if Hinata is hurt. It’s very useful because she’s on a team with Kiba and one of the only people who’s willing to wrestle Akamaru and Kiba at the same time.

Rock Lee killed a giant tiger in the Forest of Death with one kick.

Neji is bisexual and has kissed both Lee and Tenten.

Those two have also kissed.

Neji is allergic to oranges.

Tenten is colourblind and is therefore not allowed to set fires without supervision.

Tenten’s mother died in the Kyuubi attack but her father is a travelling merchant who rarely comes home. She lives with her two aunts, one who is a medical ninja and one who works in T&I.

Tenten is terrified of the Yamanaka Clan because of the horror stories she overheard from her aunt who told her medical ninja aunt about Yamanaka Inoichi and other Yamanakas in the department.

Neji has bitchslapped Ino. He is the only one to still live. (Ino deserved it at the time.)

Lee and Choji regularly spar.

Tenten hates the storage shadow technique Shikamaru created because he’s stabbed her with it.

Neji is the only one who can beat Shikamaru at Shogi. He can’t beat him at actual tactics but shogi is different.

Neji has also strangled Ino.

Rock Lee drinks coffee with a lot of sugar and milk.

Neji drinks very light tea.

Tenten is the only one who can drink straight black coffee.

They live together in an apartment in the Jounin Apartments and they all have jobs. Neji is the shopper, Tenten cooks, and Lee cleans (claims it’s a good workout)

All of them judge Team 7 very harshly. Neji for Sasuke the Missing Ninja, Tenten because Sakura is one of the most frustrating people to talk to, and Lee just judges them because they all lack youth because they’re ‘traumatized’ and ‘angry’.

There is no excuse for Youthfulness and the only people who he will not say that to is Sarutobi Asuma and Team 10.

Tenten is bizarrely adept at barbecuing meat.

Tenten is also a basic field medic (she did train in the medical ninjutsu sector briefly but found her calling in fuinjutsu.)

Tenten and Lee come up with the most bizarre plans and Neji says ‘No’ a lot. This does not mean he doesn’t take pieces and make them into somewhat functional plans.

Tenten isn’t from the Land of Fire. She’s from the western area which I headcanon is a Chinese Empire (if anyone watches Mao dao Zushi, think something like that and mix it with Naruto lore)

Lee can talk to ghosts if he’s in a marked graveyard. It creeps everyone else out.

Tenten likes salads

Neji makes perfect dumplings.

Lee eats more than Tenten and Neji combined. It’s equivalent to the amount Naruto inhales for one meal.

Gai loves sushi. This has not been passed onto his students as Lee can’t eat raw fish.

Tenten, when absorbed in her seal work, forgets to eat, sleep, etc until she collapses (usually with low blood sugar). To fight this, Neji and Lee have made a bucket of candy that she just randomly eats.

Lee becomes a jounin after the war.

Tenten dies in the war. Neji breaks down sobbing in the middle of the battlefield.

Lee is the only one to actively fend off a feral Team 10 and succeed.

Taka fears Team Gai as one fears Team 10. Because they’re Team 10 but organized and Not Insane.

Tenten actively uses old cookware as weapons. This has led to enemies getting smacked around with a frying pan and spatula while Neji and Lee laugh at them.

Gai eats raw onions around them.

He has also eaten a head of garlic straight.

All three of his students fear him because they tried it for a month and they can’t stand the smell of raw onions and garlic. They have them pre chopped by someone they pay.

Tenten has dragged an enemy by the feet to Konoha while he was screaming. Neji and Lee were unconcerned.

Neji loves peanuts. This poses a problem as Tenten actively hates them and will fight one on sight.

This is never explained or elaborated on as everyone has their quirks.

“Neji-nee-san, that isn’t a quirk.”

“Yes it is, Hinata-sama.”

Kiba steals Tenten’s candy and then gets stabbed by a katana.

Lee and Tenten have a move where they swing around an enemy and then just slam into them with as much force as possible. Think of the bloopers from The Greatest Showman, Zendaya and Zac Efron slamming into each other but with someone between them and they’re actively trying to hurt the person in the middle.

Neji usually watches this with unhidden amusement.

Neji meditates. A lot. He has his own garden thing where no one can enter if he’s there so he can calmly meditate.

I don’t know what else to add, feel free to add more if you have your own.

#naruto head canons #naruto headcanons #fuck naruto canon #naruto #team gai #neji hyuga #hyuga neji #tenten #rock lee #inuzuka kiba #hyuga hinata #kiba inuzuka #hinata hyuga #team 10 #team 10 fears team gai because they have 1) gai and 2) are the superior version of themselves #team gai is chaotic lawful because they have a hyuga #that automatically means that they're lawful #because hyugas are law abiders #and they have morals #unlike the uchiha/yamanaka clan #because those two clans are psycho #bodyslamming is encouraged and endorsed #hyugas hate yamanakas because they are the opposite of everything a hyuga learns and embodies #yamanakas do not care #they're insane #tenten doesn't like them because she has gay aunts who don't like the yamanaka clan #but they like the akimichi clan #food is always a good offering #rock lee is nuts #tenten is chaotic

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Team 10 Is Feral™ And I Am Going To Tell You Why

As previously established (maybe, offhandedly) I believe that Team 10 is Feral™. So, a comprehensive list of the bullshit that Asuma encouraged and Konohagakure cried over because the Yamanaka Clan is the Worst Thing In The World™. It is not alphabetical, chronological, or organized in any shape or form.

Yamanaka Inomako blew up part of the Land of Earth during the 1st Shinobi World War and now the Yamanakas are forbidden to enter the Land of Earth without a number of ridiculous filing and things so Konoha generally just doesn’t formally send them there anymore.

This does not stop Ino as she went in and blew Iwagakure’s noble district to smithereens when she was 14.

Shikamaru figured out how to use his shadows to stab people. This has never been done before but he was bored and Ino is a chaotic gremlin.

Choji ripped a head off of a beast in the Forest of Death when they were 12. This is why they looked so beat up. They had to scrub all the blood out of their clothes and some of that stuff was acidic.

While Shikamaru has yet to beat Shikaku in a game of Shogi, Shikaku refuses to formally spar with him because Shikamaru taught his shadows to hold a knife and you don’t see it until it’s at your neck.

Inoichi actively encourages Ino to poison random ninjas. She has managed to stab every jounin sensei at least once (Kakashi she actively stabs randomly. He has the highest at 24 poisons). Asuma laughs every time that they show up at the flower shop and have to chug some nasty tasting antidote.

Choji is the only one who can stomach Sakura’s chakra, restoring medical balls. He actively hoards them and just eats them whenever he’s hungry.

When they were 15 (and chunin), they accidentally killed a god. They had to run because they had to do something else but they kept forgetting to grab it.

Ino learned how to rip heads off of people from watching Choji do it to a squirrel.

Shikamaru once slit his own thighs to get enough blood for Choji to do a blood seal. This horrified Team 8 the first time they watched this happen but for Team 10 it’s all routine.

Ino commits war crimes in other countries and then proceeds to forget to tell Tsunade because it wasn’t relevant to the mission she was originally assigned. Shikamaru usually has to inform her the next day because Ino regalled him and Choji with stories of her side quest and then Tsunade has to try and track Ino down but fails because Ino is in the Yamanaka Clan Post-Mission Coma.

Choji accidentally causes a hurricane in the Land of Water because Shikamaru bet him he couldn’t use Water Style but the only one any of them knew was Water Style: Unholy Storm so Choji did that and caused a hurricane. They still laugh about this.

While Ino is technically a ‘support ninja’ the Yamanaka Clan is a well known Fire Style Clan. While not like the Uchiha, Yamanakas are known in the Land of Earth as The Clan of Fire. Iwagakure nin flat out refused to work with Yamanakas.

Itachi met with the three once because he worked with Ino’s mother. He avoids all three like the plague because Ino was showing them how to cause a fire with a magnifying glass.

In another post, I said that Choji is the Team Mom. He always has food. The Akimichi clan (headcanon) is in charge of the Fuinjutsu department. Ergo, Choji constantly has a fully prepared meal at All Times™. He makes sure Shikamaru and Ino actually eat throughout the day.

That being said, once another person comes along, he’s just as feral as Shikamaru and Ino. He is willing to rip heads off shoulders, eat carrion and body slam enemies.

During the Asuma Revenge Mission, they were almost perfect Shinobi. Kakashi was fucking stressed the entire time because Ino didn’t try to poison him once, Shikamaru’s shadow had more knives that Kakashi had ever owned, and Choji briefly disappeared only to return with a fucking emu.

Taka was stressed during the war when they were babysitting Team 10.

The one time that Madara attacked Taka instead of Team 10, Team 10 went entirely feral. Shikamaru flung Choji who planted Shadow Aids (a bunch of metal rods at such an angle that they have a shadow), Ino connected the entire shinobi alliance so thoroughly that she became every single Shinobi in the Alliance and controlled them (without their consent) into Monsters™ and rip into the Akatsuki’s forces.

It was terrifying.

Tsunade still can’t look at Ino without feeling the Red Hot Rage that nearly cooked her from the Inside out.

Taka belongs to Team 10 and Team 10 is Feral™ and therefore more animalistic than Team 8.

Shikamaru bet Ino that she couldn’t take control of all of Konohagakure. Not only did Ino do it, she held all of it and made everyone never notice it. Shikamaru and Choji were the exceptions as they both needed to judge if she wins or Shikamaru does.

As a general rule of thumb, if someone bets Team 10 anything, they will do everything in their power to win that bet. This generally becomes the fact that they will always win the bet and the one who bet them will lose.

The reason Shikamaru developed new techniques for the Shadow Style is by bets between him and Ino. Choji tries to avoid betting things because he’s the Responsible One™.

Ino bet Choji that he couldn’t rip a head off of a beast and he then ripped one off a giant centipede in the Forest of Death while Ino and Shikamaru watched.

They applauded him accordingly.

Asuma is Stressed with the children. Mostly because every month they come up to him with a new technique of they’re already established Safe and Well Tested Jutsus That Do Not Cause Problems Later In Life and they’re techniques are Not Safe At All And Can Only Be Performed By Their Respective Clans.

Ino went and joined Orochimaru on a dare. She found some stuff and then proceeded to return to Konoha and it was never brought up again.

Ino infiltrated the Akatsuki out of boredom on another mission. Found more stuff, played a game of shogi with Uchiha Itachi and had a phenomenal conversation about guilt, talked with Konan for an hour and then left.

Yamato was paired with Choji for a mission. He spent most of it asking ‘What the fuck, Akimichi?’, ‘how did you get in there?’, ‘What do you mean that was Yamanaka Ino and Nara Shikamaru? They’re still in the village!’

It was very stressful for him. He loved Team 7 after that.

Ino once romanced Sasuke and then left. She told Shikamaru and Choji and they all laughed, but Tsunade was not very happy five years later when she finally heard the story from Sasuke after he was drunk and he, Ino, and Sai were in a polyamorous relationship.

The one person Team 10 refuse to go near is Team Gai because Ino poisoned Gai once and he immediately sweated it out. Team 10 fears Might Gai.

Anyways, Team 10 is Feral™ and does not care for those who are Not Theirs and has no problems ripping heads off shoulders. All the Jonin senseis are stressed, Kakashi the most, Gai the least because he doesn’t understand.

#feral team 10 #naruto headcanons #naruto #yamanaka ino #yamanaka ino headcanons #nara shikamaru #nara shikamaru headcanons #akimichi choji #akimichi choji headcanons #sarutobi asuma #team 10 is feral™ #uchiha sasuke #taka #ino x sai #ino x sasuke #sasuke x sai #ino x sai x sasuke #because i like the idea of sasuino but i adore inosai #sasuke is terrified of ino #a lot of people are terrified of team 10 #taka is terrified of team 10 #tsunade is an alchoholic #team 10 fears one thing and it is might gai #they fear nothing else #yamanaka clan headcanons #nara clan headcanons #akimichi clan headcanons #ino causes international crimes #choji can only make hurricanes #shikamaru is the worst at self care

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

I Fix Kishimoto’s Two Day War That Is Stupid

I refuse to let the Fourth Shinobi War (it ain’t a world war, Kishimoto. A world war involves more than five countries, plus the canon map kinda drops off in the west) to only be two days. Not possible, I refuse. At least a year.

Things that happened in Canon but I am changing to a later date:

Blowing up HQ. Still happens, Shikaku and Inoichi die (IMMA THROTTLE KISHIMOTO) but it happens via reanimation bombing procedures with Deidara’s clan

IT IS CANON THAT THE EXPLOSION THING IS A KEKKEI GENKAI AND ERGO, THERE’S MORE DEIDARA’S THAT DIED PREVIOUSLY

Hachibi and Kyubi are absorbed. Tsukiyomi does happen. The sage thing (that’s weird) occurred.

Also, use the Yamanaka clan more than in canon! Bitches can communicate. I swear, there has to be some written seal that allows mass mental communication without a hand seal.

(I’m also immensely Yamanaka Biased)

Sasuke was probably running around as a rogue ninja, fighting against Obito in his own way.

For some reason (terrible planning and weird bullshit surrounding the Uchiha Clan) the Shinobi Alliance has a squad chasing and capturing Taka.

Jugo is the first one and just… handed over to the Communication unit (which Ino is in charge of) and she just goes entirely nuts on his brain (because war, ya know), interrogates him, and then cheerfully dives back into his head and works on his fixing the chakra pathways that was disrupted with the Curse Mark kekkei genkai, making him less aggressive. He’s kept in a cell where Ino annoys everyone inside the cells.

Karin is the next to get captured. Same thing. Ino dives in, reads her memories without her knowing and then they rant about how horrible Sasuke’s emotional maturity is.

One day, Ino suddenly lights up while Karin was complaining and goes Hange Zoe on Sasuke, wanting to pick him apart. It is by far the most disturbing thing the prisoners had seen from her, but then she immediately went back to normal because she complained about how Sasuke had no idea how he was supposed to wash his hair.

Suigetsu and Sasuke are captured together, Suigetsu barely alive and Sasuke unconscious. Ino happily reads their minds after they are stabilized and shipped to her prison.

Sasuke wakes up to see the Yamanaka Clan Head grinning at him like a madman and he recalled the One Thing Itachi had Feared.

Yamanaka Ino, the daughter of the T&I head, Yamanaka Inoichi, and the insane woman named Noriko who had wiped out an entire Land of Earth battalion for a weird mushroom that apparently belonged in Tsunade’s hands but had somehow migrated to Inoichi.

Which was bad.

Taka eventually joined the ranks and Ino was switched out with someone from her clan and Shikamaru and Choji were like ‘hey, Ino, I know you like to torment people into becoming your friend but this is ridiculous’. And they’re right.

Taka becomes the Ino-Shika-Cho bodyguards and usually the ones to bring them back to normal level so that they can explain their insane plan.

Sasuke, while still very much OP, will say ‘no’ quite a bit to them because their plans are stupid. Or dangerous.

However, the three would just do a throwaway line like ‘Oh, yeah, gods. We should probably figure out how to get that body back.’ This terrifies Taka and concerns Sasuke.

BTW, NARUTO AND B ARE IN HIDING. WITH YAMATO. AND SHINO AND HINATA AND KIBA, WHO ARE ALL SUPER STRESSED.

Anyways, Taka’s on the front lines with Ino-Shika-Cho and Sakura happens to be around so she sees them but once again, in the middle of a war and she’s head of this field medic squadron.

After that’s done, Sakura comes over to talk and sees Sasuke, Karin and Suigetsu yelling at Ino and Choji about some stunt they pulled in the middle of battle that nearly killed Shikamaru (unconscious on Jugo’s shoulders). They say that it was Shikamaru’s idea. Sasuke screams in frustration.

Ino then sees Sakura, waves her over, and shoves Karin into Sakura and explains the weird bite chakra healing thing. Sakura likes weird genetics as she has none so she’s immediately interested. (successful Sasuke distraction)

Taka doesn’t let the three out of his sight. Suigetsu watches Ino (she once read Mitarashi Anko’s mind too closely once so now she can use bombs and fire quite well), Karin watches Shikamaru, Jugo watches Choji (he can pick him up) and Sasuke usually keeps an eye on everyone.

FAST FORWARD A FEW MONTHS

Sasuke got injured protecting Ino. Taka gets him back to base camp and the next thing you know, rumors about how the Uchiha brat got hurt and then the Ino-Shika-Cho squad destroyed the battlefield. The Yamanaka ripped heads clean off with her bare hands. Shadows tore enemies up from the inside while whipping a ball of mass destruction around the battlefield.

A week later, Naruto shows up at camp where Choji is nursing Sasuke back to health from nearly dying and just screams at Sasuke.

Ino knocks him out and drags him off and throws him into a pit.

Sasuke is awake and sitting up when Naruto gets out and starts yelling at him. Shikamaru hits him with a book and Ino forces him down into a chair.

‘I’m going to link your minds and you two can talk it out. I will act as the mediator, but only listen to your emotions. Talk.’

So they talk and Naruto hates that Sasuke still won’t stop. Ino cuts him off and kicks him out.

`We know that Konoha is shit at politics and what they did was wrong. It happened to my family too. Back at the beginning. We still have copies of memories trapped in the catacombs.’ Ino tells him quietly, in the part of his mind that is protected just for this. ‘But we can’t start a war. So we change it from the inside out. We failed the Uchihas but I refuse to fail you all again.’

THIS IS WHAT INSPIRED THE FUCKING SASUKE HOKAGE IDEA. SHIKAMARU IS AGAINST ALL OF IT.

D-DAY - about 1.5 years after the start of the war

Goes the exact same in Canon except Neji lives and Tenten dies.

Naruto vs Sasuke fight, Ino-Shika-Cho watches on as Sakura and Kakashi anxiously try to stop it.

Both lose an arm.

Post-war?

Sasuke doesn’t go back to Konoha despite begging. Ino has him go to the Western Lands to get some stuff for her and the flower shop. She writes a seal on his back that allows for further communication via mind links.

Ino and Sai work through Root. Ino becomes head of T&I, ANBU, the Yamanaka Clan, works in the flower shop, hospital, and extreme therapy, is suddenly on the Clan Council and is helping Shikamaru destroy the village’s system and rebuild it into something that doesn’t do what it did to the Uchiha clan!

Sakura gets therapy

Naruto marries Hinata at 25 YEARS OLD. 19 IS TOO FUCKING YOUNG MY DUDES. LET PUBERTY GET MOSTLY OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM.

Hinata becomes secondary head of the Hyuga clan and with Neji’s help, they change the clan. Which was the entire point. Hinabi is the clan head.

Shikamaru and Temari get married at 24.

I kinda want Sakura to realize she’s interested in Karin, but once again, that’s just a personal feeling towards her after she gets therapy. Sakura x Therapy for the win.

Also, in general? Team 7 x Therapy. Like, really intensive therapy.

Edit:

I do have a more thorough one that I have to finish, but it’s goes battle by battle, not a general idea. I will post that eventually. 

#naruto #naruto headcanons #naruto bullshit #uzumaki naruto #uchiha sasuke #uchiha sasuke headcanons #haruno sakura #haruno sakura headcanons #team 7 #team 8 #inuzuka kiba #akamaru #aburame shino #hyuga hinata #team 10 #yamanaka ino #yamanaka headcanons #yamanaka clan #nara shikamaru #akimichi choji #the 4th shinobi world war #is so stupid #how the fuck did that work #it lasted two days #wtf kishimoto #sai #konohagakure gets fucking therapy via shikamaru and ino bludgeoning them into submission #sakura gets therapy #sakura needs therapy #sakura x karin

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

If Someone Had Stopped Obito On October 10th

Kushina is still the Jinjuriki

The Uchiha Massacre never happens

Itachi gets out of ANBU and becomes a Jounin teacher.

Shisui stays in ANBU but mostly causes general chaos

Neji’s father is still alive because Kumogakure violated the treaty between themselves and Konoha and Minato, unlike Sarutobi Hiruzen, has a backbone and does not give in when the Raikage yells at him. 

This means that the changes to the Hyuga clan happen sooner.

In addition to this, Neji is less angry when talking with Hinata and is actually decently polite.

Sasuke becomes a Medical Ninja.

Naruto is decently smart (he has ADHD)

Naruto and Kiba are best friends.

Sasuke and Naruto get along decently but Sasuke doesn’t talk nearly enough to keep Naruto occupied.

Hinata is still fairly soft spoken but she and Naruto have some weird rivalry going on.

Sakura and Ino aren’t friends. They worked on a project together but Ino is a Clan Heiress and she has to work with Shikamaru and Choji.

That being said, Sakura is great friends with Naruto because she helps tutor him.

Ino is actually tamer than in canon. She quieter but still bossy to makes sure Shikamaru and Choji actually help her. Her mother, as previously mentioned in other posts, is an ANBU Black Ops and so Ino is decently trained in weaponry and combat as well. She automatically defaults to Shikamaru’s lead though.

Shikamaru is still lazy.

Choji is motivated and actively spars with Naruto and Hinata. Shikamaru and Shino usually watch them and keep score. Sometimes Sasuke joins to watch.

Because Naruto, Kiba, Choji, and Hinata have an after school sparring ring, Sasuke started his learned medical ninjutsu, which he learned from his aunt, to keep them from having to miss class the next day.

While doing that, Ino is actually working at the flower shop, training, reading up on clan jutsus, and generally having no free time.

Team 7 is still Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke under Kakashi, who is usually on time but is still super laid back like his canon self.

Team 8 is still Hinata, Shino and Kiba under Kurenai.

Team 10 is still Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino under Asuma.

Jiraiya is still a fucking creep. (I don’t like him btw, even if it’s a coping mechanism/mask). He does train Naruto as Minato can’t.

Also, Naruto resents Minato because he’s rarely home and Kushina is pushy to get him to learn Uzumaki clan techniques, which he doesn’t want to.

Ironically, Naruto hates ramen because he’s named after a common ingredient. It’s Kushina’s favourite dish though, so he’ll eat it, just not the narutomaki.

Also, Danzo’s on the run because Minato ordered him to end ROOT and when he didn’t, Minato tried to kill him but he just ran instead.

Itachi would probably become Hokage once MInato retires at like 40 to go back to training child soldiers.

#naruto #uzumaki naruto #uzumaki kushina #namikaze minato #minato #kushina #konoha 9 #Shikamaru #choji #Ino #yamanaka ino #nara shikamaru #akimichi #akimichi choji #uchiha sasuke #uchiha shisui #uchiha #uchiha itachi #itachi #sasuke #shisui #kiba #inuzuka kiba #hyuga hinata #hinata #hyuga neji #neji #danzo #sasuke's a medic #he was such a happy child don't tell me he wouldn't have become one